#and i already only get like 6hrs of sleep on a good day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sagiow · 4 years ago

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Tag game: A LIST OF STUFF

I was tagged by the ever creative & hilarious @tortoisesshells! Thank you!

Nicknames: Aside from the baby one my dad still embarassing uses and a high school one that re-emerges once a year with our annual get-together, surprisingly none. Or actually, my sisters and their kids calls me Gradi (French-sounding, GRA- like “grass”-DEE) because that’s how my name came out of my first niece’s toddler mouth a dozen+ years ago, and everybody thought it was hilarious and adopted it. No Matante title for me!

Zodiac sign: Gemini / Cancer hybrid. Never checked which one it was on my birthyear because that’s how much stock my STEM brain puts in astrology.

Height: 5′7″

Hogwarts House: I’ve gotten both Ravenclaw and Slytherin, which totally tracks and is apparently pretty on par for INTJs.

Last thing I googled: The right spelling of Slytherin. Hey, it’s been a while.

Before that, “Légende de la Corriveau”, because my son learned about it in school, and my partner and I were arguing about how many husbands she really had, and whether she was hanged first or died in the infamous cage. Confused? Read the original Québec witch story Here, brought to you by the Treaty of Paris and the British takeover of New France.

Song stuck in my head: Toxic, Britney Spears. It’s been everywhere, this week.

Fav musicians: Sounds blasphemous but... I’m not a big music person? So... whatever’s upbeat and fun and singable on my commute, like... ABBA? Cheesy 90s bands? Barenaked Ladies? Whatever Princess Poppy the Pop Troll is into. Just nothing country or too experimental jazzy.

Following: 52. Hmm. I need to branch out. Any fun blog recs?

Followers: 70. Huh. I’m really surprised that number is larger than the previous. You lovely people are quiet; I thought there was only a dozen of you :)

Do you get asks: Rarely, and pretty much only when I ask for prompts.

Amount of sleep: 6-7hr most nights, 8 on the weekend, and they are FINALLY, after almost a decade of young kids with terrible sleep patterns, mostly uninterrupted. So 6hr straight totally beats 8hr in bits&pieces.

Lucky number: I’ll pick 21 if the options go that high. If not, probably 3.

What are you wearing: Fridays are Blue Checkered Shirt Day at work, and it’s a Team Tradition that I will never break for as long as I work here (and will probably institute wherever I work next). So flannel edition because Winter and jeans, because Friday.

Dream jobs: 1920s egyptologist, forensic anthropologist, The Thirsty Traveler, retired grandma who plays golf, hikes, writes, bakes and spends the worst of winter someplace warmer.

Dream trip: A few weeks with loved ones in a comfortable rented house some place near the sea, old historical cities and natural sites, with a rental car to drive around and visit at our own pace during the day, and nearby shops full of local produce, coffee, drinks, cheese and bread for relaxed evenings talking away on the starlit patio with a home-cooked meal and plenty of good wine.

Instruments you play: Does -badly- teaching myself rudimentary guitar in HS and going through Simply Piano last year count? ... yeah, didn’t think so. So, none. I’m more a Sports & Books type.

Languages you speak: Fluent French (first) and English (since childhood), above tourist level Spanish and German, but for no rational reason because they are the least similar languages ever, the two get mixed up like crazy when I speak either (both must be stored in the “Languages I Suck At” portion of my brain). And I never spoke as good Spanish as when I tried to speak Portuguese, which I can read decently enough, but understand when spoken? Not at all.

Fav song: Again with the music... ugh. I don’t know. Creep by Radiohead? Anything but Helter Skelter from The Beatles? Let’s Groove from Earth, Wind and Fire? Some Bryan Adams power ballad? Hopefully also something from the last 20 years...

Random fact: My dad got the inspiration for my first name from a guy he met at a disco nightclub... who he later found out to be a male exotic dancer. Yup, I was apparently named after a Magic Mike disco dude.

My mom found out at the same time I did. She was considerably less amused than I was.

Cats or dogs: Cats, 200%. Black ones all the better, although I relented and we adopted one of our foster babies, a tabby. He’s the devil but he’s also super sweet and cuddly. We named him Fofos, which is Portuguese for sweet / cute/ cuddly / fluffy (it is also wrongly plural but hey, it was always plural on the boxes of buns and cakes we bought in Portugal, and I already mentionned how abysmal my Portuguese is).

Aesthetic: Puzzles, books and movies in a cozy cabin with a fireplace in a snowy Laurentian forest; late summer nights at the ballpark, days by the pool and vegetable patch, the smell of BBQ in the air; flour-dusted vintage aprons, new recipes, planning meals & drink pairings; periodic tables, Erlenmeyer flasks, just being a nerd.

Tagging anyone interested!

#friday ask game

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simplyghosting · 5 years ago

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Just read through that long post about the puppies. Are you working at a pet adoption center (forgot what the word for that is, oops)? And why all the poop??

Oh gosh, at this point I just feel bad who has to see that post on their dash (why I started tagging as’ long post’ so people have the option to block the tag). I’m actually helping my cousin out who was asked to help housesit/dogsit for a friend for most of the month. Mama German Shepherd had 8 puppies (who are now 2 months old) so we’re looking after and cleaning up after all of them.

Unfortunately the owners never meant to breed their dog, so they weren’t set up to handle all the puppies and we’ve had to jerry-rig a set-up for them. It was cleaner at the beginning, but as they’ve already gained probably something like 5lbs since we’ve been here, they’ve already outgrown their bedtime kennels and usually end up stepping in their poop as they run around it and roughhouse. Outside they have more room, so it’s not too bad, and we regularly hose-down their space so they don’t get poop on them. It’s just inside when they wake up in the morning (at 5:30am) and in the afternoon (when the sun is too hot for them to be outside) that they have to be in their smaller playpens.

So every morning my routine is to disinfect and clean the floors as soon as I wake up after I let them out and feed them. Also, puppies poop a heckin lot.

The pups fall asleep at about 10pm, but my cousin and I stay up another 2-3hrs to clean and finish what we haven’t been able to in the house while the pups are awake (including walking the other 2 big dogs). The puppies sleep a good amount, but we don’t, so we tend not to be able to wake up early enough to release them outside before they dirty their sleeping space if we want to be able to function the rest of the day. I haven’t slept more than 6hrs in a couple of weeks.

They’re all adopted/bought already, so 2 of them have already been picked up, but still 6 babies (very, very, heavy babies) left. The owner is going to come back before they all get picked up, but that still leaves us to give them all another bath before they come (since they tend to get dirty every day and baths daily aren’t good for their puppy skin). Baby wipes only do so much when they like to roll and eat each other’s poo. Still have to pick them up all the time and then just wash our hands a lot (can’t wear gloves w them bc they will eat them).

#ghost answers #wot in tennessee #puppies #vuthrakken-shadvurach

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ohsweetflips · 5 years ago

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okay so bc i need to vent and also bc we all know the old song and dance of “jords is unable to vent post anywhere else,” i’m just gonna rant under the cut and i apologize to mobile users if mobile fucks up the read more :/

also i’d appreciate it if this wasn’t reblogged

also also feel free to ignore

i feel like i’ve kinda just officially hit a point in my life where, for the most part, things are not good or, at the very least, stagnant

like, it’s so easy for me to get sad and stressed and it’s, like, almost every day. like, i think the only day that i haven’t gotten down was wednesday bc it was my birthday, but even then, i kinda had to Work On It

and, like, beginning of september, things were alright!! but then, u know, all good things must come to an end

and i feel like i’ve been like this for months but honestly idk (tho, tbh, i think may and june were iffy, july was bad, august was exhausting [i think idk i can’t really remember but i also know parts of august were bad], the first two weeks of september were good, and now things feel consistently bad)

and like. things so easily set me off now?

and i feel tired and a bit sad and stuck and suffocated and, honestly? really lonely, and like it’s my own doing. like, i feel like i’ve just completely isolated myself

and tbh i think that’s why found family tropes always make me a bit sad underneath all the love bc i feel like i dont have that like everyone else does. like i have friends and best friends but i feel like i’ve just been pushing some of my closest friends away bc i rarely have the energy for shit anymore??? like idk, just last weekend, two of my best friends were home and i love them so much but i was so tired and so bad last weekend that, like, within an hour or two, i’d be ready to go home. and i still had fun!!!! but there was a part of me with this underlying exhaustion

and swim is kinda fucking me up bc i do love swimming and i love being on the team but i never want to go to practice anymore and the season only just started and i’m already waiting for january to come and for the season to end which is Bad bc i don’t wanna rush swim season and ik that i love it but i’m just,,,, so tired and unmotivated all the time and idk

and then with schoolwork, i feel like i just can’t do it anymore. i procrastinate on everything that i do. last year, i would be doing homework for hours every day to get everything done early and, last night, i nearly had a breakdown over having to do a discussion post (for readings that i did not do) and almost emailed my teacher at 10pm to ask for an extension

and, like, once i get my work started? i’m going!!! i’m doing it and it’s decent!!!!! but it’s the getting there that sucks, bc it takes me so long now

and i feel so pressured to do well and get a 4.0 again and just do everything perfect but i can barely bring myself to do shit anymore that i just feel like i’m going to let everyone down and people are going to realize really quickly that i can’t do all that i’ve wanted to

also my memory has been so bad lately and like!!! shit’s wild

and my sleep schedule is so fucked and i need to fix it bc i’m getting, like, on average, 5 or 6hrs a night, which isn’t enough for me, but like!!! i can’t get myself to be going to bed before 11 or 12. sometimes it’s bc i don’t want the next day to happen, and sometimes it’s bc i say that i’ll go to bed earlier and then i just don’t

also i have so many fun things coming up in the next week and being excited is so hard. like tm i’m going out for a very nice dinner w/ my parents for my birthday and, in my mind, it’s just like another Task i have to do. i have the taz and mbmbam shows next week and i am excited for those but my stress is currently outweighing my excitement

and like, all in all, things feel so shit rn like it feels like every day i’m making dumb posts like “ahaha time for sad o’clock” or whatever bc i can’t take myself seriously even tho i so badly Want To be taken seriously but!!! idk

like basically i’m at the point where if, like, every single week is like this, idk what i’m gonna do bc i’m not gonna be able to handle that

and also i feel stagnant and stuck and isolated and i feel like it’s all on me but like. idk how to fix that!!

anyways this is my rant post and it’s very embarrassing and i’m sorry if you stuck around to read all of this bc this basically became a pity party for myself bc i can’t talk to the people i care abt in my life abt my issues but i sure can scream into the ether as strangers read on. so, like, yeah.

#i wish i had a vent post tag so that u guys can blacklist it i feel bad bc this is an every day occurrence now ajkskjdjk

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codetrainwreck · 6 years ago

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Geass Movie Super Ultimate Final Summary Extra Mega Sugoi Version (2/2)

Last time on Code Geass, Lelouch of the Re;surrection: Shesthaal is very cute, Lelouch blows up Shesthaal with Bitool’s Sakuradite, Shesthaal cries out for his father as he gets blown up, and there goes my interest in this movie.

Tbf though, it’s a good death scream. Imagine what kind of noises he makes in bed... he’s def an uke...

Anyway, continuing on.

Lelouch and the gang split from the prison and the container of prison staff he Geassed to help with their getaway is seen being let go. Although it took him 728 days longer to rise from the dead, Jesus Lamperouge has learned mercy.

Back in the capital at Shamna’s temple, Shesthaal’s dad, Cmdr. Forgnar, comes in and goes, “Holy shit my son died let’s go FUCK UP THE UFN” and Shamna is like, “No, let’s not.” Whether you think he actually cares or whether he wants to use this as an excuse to fuck up the UFN is up to you. However, based on the dialogue about how Cornelia is a curse word in this region, and how Forgnar doesn’t talk about his son like ever again (even other characters who aren’t even from Zilkhstan bring up Shesthaal’s “disappearance” later), it comes off as more like... Forgnar just wants an excuse to go fight Cornelia.

She asks Bitool how long ago Shesthaal died and Bitool replies it was in the afternoon, at 11am. Since it’s out of the 6 hour time limit (we’ll come back to this later), she apparently can’t do shit. Shamna says that with her prophecy, even if they’re Geass users, they can beat anyone. It shows Nunnally on the ceiling in some kind of tank. And also she has new clothing but isn’t wearing underwear because in Zilkh culture, they don’t wear underwear. This might read like a joke sentence, but it’s a 100% serious sentence.

At the UFN HQ, Schneizel is wearing glasses and looks hot. That’s all you need to know. There’s also a convo related to the plot and sending people and supplies to Zilkhstan including Lancelot’s new fortress frame coat, but I’m just gonna explain this in the next bit.

Back to the Good Guys, Sayoko observes some drop ships. Cornelia, who is now a general in the UFN (which makes her a Black Knight) has shown up with a small team of Black Knights and a Rag Tag Band from the TV series - herself, Guilford, Ohgi, Tamaki, Cecile, Nina, Anya, Jeremiah. The 8 of them, combined with Lelouch, CC, Kallen, Suzaku, Lloyd and Sayoko, plus Cornelia’s BKs, are going to save the fuck out of Nunnally.

Now, you might be asking yourself, “Why these specific people?” HMM WELL YOU SEE. None of them, aside from Cornelia and her few soldiers, are actually BKs anymore. Kallen is only a reserve member as she’s attending university. Basically, Schneizel can’t formally be like, “Wow send 1000 people to rescue Nunnally and mobilize the Black Knights” which is why he’s sending people who are mostly not involved with the Black Knights on this SUPER SECRET MISSION. (They talk about this back when CC first meets up with Kallen/Sayoko/Lloyd.)

And you might also be asking yourself... “Wait, what about Tohdoh, Gino, Xingke”, etc. What about those other Black Knights? HMM WELL YOU SEE. Xingke died, and the rest aren’t very popular characters, so plot-wise they stuck with the Black Knights giving the story and animators excuses to not include them in the main plot except for something really brief later.

Anyway, Lelouch has taken up the Zero costume again while CC is upset they haven’t run away to fuck like rabbits yet so she drinks a martini. And Cornelia is the only person with a brain, so she is like, “Dude, what the fuck? Am I supposed to be OK with this while Euphy and Darlton are dead?” Everyone else is like down to help Lelouch and Cornelia is not having this shit. Lelouch convinces her by taking off his Zero mask and sincerely asking his older sister for help.

Cornelia is like, “Hell yeah we’re gonna save Nunnally” after this but first since no one has seen each other in a while, they need to party first. Kallen and CC have some girl time finally but then proceed to fail the Bechdel test and talk about Lelouch.

Ohgi gives Lelouch a USB drive from Kaguya then tries to kill himself even though he has a wife and a child at home. Lelouch, without turning around, knows Ohgi is trying to kill himself so he forgives him and say it’s okay because he is merciful Jesus now. It’s chilly at night in the desert and Cornelia’s outfit is like sleeveless and zettai ryoiki so she’s walking around in the Zero jacket and gives Suzaku a drink.

Honestly, just let Cornelia be Zero.

Lelouch signals Suzaku up to the water tower, where they talk about how Lelouch understands the plot regarding his resurrection as well as the viewer (as in he doesn’t) and as far as he knows he could roll over and die at any time. Then an extremely misplaced Ali Project insert song plays while Lelouch watches a video from Ohgi’s wedding with lots of characters conveniently gathered at once... one of which happens to be Nunnally.

Also, Cornelia’s tits are one of the most well-drawn things in this movie next to Shesthaal’s hair when he’s in the cockpit. Honestly, I appreciate you, Sunrise.

SO, keikaku time. Instead of trying to explain this chronologically, I’m just gonna explain it... not chronologically.

Shamna’s Geass is to send her memories back in time 6 hours when she dies, so she effectively knows what’s going to happen and Zilkhstan can prepare for it. In an interview, Lelouch’s VA Fukujun compares this to “uploading her memory to Cs’ World and then downloading it” since Cs’ World has no concept of time. So, basically, the reason why Zilkhstan has been successful is because Shamna is fucking save scumming.

It is implied she already reset time at least once in the movie by now. The first is that at the start of the movie, Shalio remarks about how Zero moved to the place that Shamna said he would, so Shalio and the other KMFs are able to set up a trap under Suzaku in advance. I don’t know why she can’t chain this 6hrs -> back another 6hrs.

Lelouch and co initiate their plan. Lelouch successfully outmaneuvers Zilkhstan at every single place possible: Suzaku and Kallen are on the flats in Strike Freedom and Infinite Justice and wipe out all of the mooks. Everyone else is also able to make it to their destination. Zilkh soldiers have been Geassed to blow up their bases, Bitool can’t make it to his Guard Scorpion mech, etc.

Finally, Lelouch rides up to Shamna’s temple on the Mahoraba (the one Suzaku didn’t wreck at the start of the movie). Shamna goads Lelouch by hitting a button that auto-kills Nunnally in her tank. Lelouch responds by gunning Shamna down immediately. Shamna sends her memories back in time 6 hours.

Shamna is bathing with Shalio when she has a “prophecy”. We see she has a Code on her lower belly in this scene. She calls up Forgnar and explains the plot to him. This time around, Zilkhstan is prepared for all of Lelouch’s bullshit. Lelouch starts to despair and is almost shot down in the Mahoroba when Anya and CC show up and rescue his dumb noodle ass. Lelouch and CC co-pilot the Gekkoei. Lelouch has an existential crisis as he freaks out about his plans not working while everyone around him also freaks out about the plan not working and asks him for further instructions. And I mean like, literally everyone except for uhmm Cornelia? I think?

There’s a scene in R2 where Suzaku debuts the Lancelot Albion. Bismarck is there in Galahad and uses his Geass to fight Suzaku. Lelouch then rings up Suzaku and goes, “Dude, this being broadcasted worldwide, don’t fucking embarrass me”. Suzaku then goes on to use his live Geass to somehow overpower the Knight of One.

If this were a scene in the movie, it would be like, the Knight of One dodges one of Suzaku’s attacks or something and then Suzaku freaks the fuck out and goes, “OH NO, THE KNIGHT OF ONE HAS A GEASS. LELOUCH, WHAT DO I DO? MICROMANAGE ME AND GIVE ME SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS.” That is honestly what this whole sequence feels like.

Eventually, CC puts a gun to his head, out edgelords him, and convinces him to get his shit together. Lelouch gives her orders to give to everyone else because Geass doesn’t work on her. Thanks to Tamaki’s stupidity, he then uses the Zilkh public channel to declare that it’s time for the final phase of this mission. Suddenly, everyone becomes competent again and CC starts issuing commands to people. CC asks him what “final” means, and Lelouch replies it means nothing.

We then go through 30(?) implied time resets. While it doesn’t show time resetting literally 30 some times, it is implied that Lelouch gets 1 plan to work, then Shamna resets time and is ready for his new plan next time. We know it’s 30-ish because Lelouch has 8 folder plans he gives to CC, and also has 22 theories about what the enemy Geass user’s Geass is and he goes down the list eliminating them.

Something that I think English viewers missed from the American theater screenings is that CC does not retain their memories because Shamna’s Geass only affects herself. So, essentially, from Lelouch’s POV, he’s just going down the list until something works. From Shamna’s POV, she goes back and prepares to counter him every time she sees his next move.

On the last loop, Lelouch’s last ditch effort to figure out Shamna’s Geass is to bluff her by saying, “I have the same Geass as you”. Shamna freaks the fuck out and tells her guards not to kill Lelouch. Lelouch can tell from this reaction what her Geass is, so he Geasses her to sleep, and also sets a bomb that will go off in 10-11-12-whatever hours. (E.g. even if Shamna resets time, she’ll be back in time but it’ll be when she’s sleeping.)

Lelouch and CC try to wake Nunnally but she isn’t responsive. CC deduces that her soul/KOKORO/whatever is not in her body. However, they set Shamna’s temple to blow up in [X] hours. Lelouch and CC use Shamna’s system to enter the metaphysical world. CC goes to confirm something, then she will leave to move their bodies so they don’t die IRL.

CC confronts Shamna and learns the plot: “I want to remake the world.” Recall that in R2, Marianne and Charles needed 2 Codes to fuck Cs’ World. Shamna has 1 Code on her womb. Charles is dead, she doesn’t know Lelouch has one. Seemingly, she tried to use Nunnally has a make shift second Code due to her connection to the magic world cause of her family. (Her “wavelengths” are the same as Charles’s.)

Ah, yes, an older sibling with a Geass who has a younger wheelchair bound sibling tries to fuck the whole world. Hmm NEVER HEARD THAT PLOT BEFORE. Shamna wishes to stay in the metaphysical realm so she can see Shalio as he passes by. CC warns her not to “leave her [heart/essence/whatever] behind”. Interpretation is that CC is saying, “Can you please not fuck this up like how Charles did” [by leaving himself behind].

In the real world, CC, Tamaki and Ohgi have moved Lelouch and Nunnally’s bodies away from the temple. Lelouch finds Nunnally. The two get swallowed by black particle bullshit until Lelouch confesses that Geass is his sin (or something... I don’t actually remember what he says before the “uhh this is my sin” part). After, rainbow fucking magic hands appear to “catch” them, and Lelouch remarks that these are the people who helped earlier. (Earlier as in, when CC reached for Lelouch.)

The sub-plots that occur during all of these time resets are as follows:

Ohgi and Tamaki steal a KMF by distracting the pilot with camels crossing the road then getting on top of the KMF and beating the pilot up. Then they make hot pot while waiting for orders from Zero.

Sayoko ditches Ohgi and Tamaki to meet up with the science crew who can’t escape the city because Qujappat is after them. Cecile gets shot during the skirmish (all 30 fucking times) and Nina kills Qujappat by disconnecting her KMF’s energy filler power lines and dropping them in water to electrocute him and the other assassins to death.

Gino and Tohdoh (and others) are trying to talk to Zilkhstan official politic-y people about the Nunnally and Zero being MIA thing as members of the Black Knights. Gino asks to know why Zilkhstan’s Official Elite Bodyguard Captain Something Something Rich Pretty Boy PR Person Shesthaal is mysteriously missing from this meeting as he was supposed to be there. Milly, who is watching events unfold at the TV station, also asks about where he went.

Suzaku fights Shalio with his new Lancelot (ugly as) siN and its thicc frame coat. Shalio beats him in the frame coat. Suzaku purges the frame coat and then beats Shalio. However, by this point, Shalio’s body is seemingly at its limit (he’s bleeding out of his eyes), and honestly it feels like a free kill. At one point, Suzaku asks Shalio, “Why the fuck did you ruin peace etc” and Shalio replies that he has to be the ultimate warrior (implied: for his sister) so he can’t do this hand-holding peace shit and his country has nothing but fighting.

Kallen gets trapped by Bitool’s guard scorpion mech in the Guren Special Type (also thicc). She purges the frame coat and magical warp speed jumps out of the energy sphere she’s trapped in, then blows up Bitool with her good ole laser knife.

Cornelia and Guilford are on the bridge. Cornelia fights Forgnar, who then tries to sacrifice himself and orders his troops to kill both him and Cornelia. Cornelia encourages him to find a peaceful solution.

After all of this bullshit resolves, Shamna’s temple blows up and we see a visual representation of her being exploded inside of the Thought Elevator where CC last saw her. In the real world, Lelouch and Nunnally chat about being together again. The scene between them ends without you hearing his response to her. CC skips town, but not before Kallen gives CC her bootleg Cheese mascot.

Lelouch catches up to CC (out of breath, ofc). CC says something about going to find other Geass users like Shamna (I don’t remember the exact details cause Shesthaal has nothing to do w/this scene, sorry). Lelouch goes with her, taking up the name LL to match CC’s non-human name. CC pauses, then blushes and makes a moe anime waifu noise.

However, it is nowhere near as cute as Shesthaal’s “umu” or when he asks where Zero is in the prison (”Zerooooo?”). Lmao fucking get rekt CC he’s cuter than you and also has long green hair.

In the post-credits scene, Lelouch and CC have clothes from a 2000s Hot Topic - CLAMP-looking black gothic outfits. Something that like... no one has mentioned so far is that Lelouch is wearing a rose choker that matches Shirley’s rose earrings from the ending cards. Shirley also showed up in a mall earlier in the movie. Shirley... was shopping at Hot Topic for Lelouch and CC and bought herself earrings while she was there? Idk.

Lelouch recites the same Power of the King speech that CC gave him in the first episode of the anime, but with a couple differences. He says the power MAY isolate you, not that it will, and also that if you suck at Geass, he’ll take it away from you.

~ ThE eNd ~

OKAY YEAH SO I didn’t really enjoy this movie a lot. You have about 5 seconds to mourn Shesthaal before Daddy Schneizel shows up in glasses. It’s like you’re eating a cute little salad and you’re not done when your entree shows up. (Your entree. In glasses. And looking hot and appetizing as fuck.)

Pretty boy stuff aside, my opinion is generally that the main plot stuff is a bunch of “whatever” but the smaller stuff is good. Like... Tamaki and Ohgi making hot pot in a KMF after knocking out the pilot by distracting them with camels crossing the road (semi-foreshadowed earlier when Tamaki and Ohgi were hiding out near some sleeping camels) was some pretty great character interaction that actually led up to Lelouch’s, “Yo, final phase” speech on the open channel.

Shalio knowing that Suzaku is Zero BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING SPINKICK was pretty great too. There are lots of small things that have nothing to do with Lelouch and CC that I found way more memorable and Code Geass-y. Even just reading interviews is fun - Nobbu is a good VA and there’s an interview where he’s like, “Taniguchi told me, ‘Your dad is Akio Ohtsuka’ and I instantly understood”... lol...

The stuff with, “Everyone is useless, good thing Lelouch is here” was kind of physically painful to watch. From a thematic POV, we see the compare/contrast - Nunnally able to live without Lelouch but Shalio unable to do the same without Shamna. And also with how Zilkhstan are a bunch of headless chickens without Shamna micromanaging them with her prophecies yet all of the old TV cast magically become competent again after Lelouch says their plan is now entering the final phase.

E.g. we see how a ~decorated war hero~ like Cmdr. Forgner was also reliant on her explaining the plot (maybe it’s for the best poor Shesthaal died before finding out everything about his dad and his country were big fucking shams ;_;). However, just because I understand why it’s in the movie doesn’t mean I have to like it. ‘_>’

It was like watching uh, idk, Advent Children or Nadesico: Prince of Darkness or something. Which was also about the expectation level for this movie, but I actually felt fatigue kick in around the 1hr 20min mark...

#code geass #Lelouch of the Resurrection #summary

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cynicaldesire · 5 years ago

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Husband and I did this dumb thing where we are both always trying to be accomodating of the other, but still frustrated because in order to do that we need to inconvenience ourselves.

He wanted me to fry him up some sausages because he was hungry so he could nap before work, but I knew that doing all those things would mean wasting a bunch of my fuckin’ time washing a pot, making sausages, and then taking a nap I didn’t need and wouldn’t benefit me OR staying awake and trying not to disturb his nap because he still has to work tonight. He didn’t want me to have to wash a pot and cook since I wasn’t hungry and it was only to benefit him and he didn’t understand why I was so upset about taking a nap since neither of us got a lot of sleep. The argument was finally ended when I just started washing the pot and buttering the buns despite his protestations.

To be fair though, this comes on the heels of my own issues with being ignored when I feel like I’m the best one to handle a given situation but the other people don’t respect me or my knowledge enough to ask me first, just stumble through and then only look to me when things don’t work. Or stumble through and I follow behind and fix things but now I have to stop their enjoyment to employ the fix. Since it was the internet, I had to go change the password and SSID and in order to cement those things, the router had to reboot. But the husband was already watching shit on Youtube when I set it up, so now I had to ask him to pause his video and wait.

This also comes on the heels of having a fucking great time going out to eat at a restaurant and chatting instead of me sitting there while he scrolls through his discords, Google news, and reddits. I got to be a nerd about FF6, my fanfic, and we talked about mechanics and story and some shit I saw on Twitter. He went to the bathroom, came back and admitted he had a dumb Dragonball fanfic idea and I helped him with it and he said it was pretty great to have someone be supportive of his dumb idea even if he knew it was stupid.

I stopped myself from completely going off about all the reasons why I have such a hard time making friends is because I just got fucking tired of all the “Lol you have FEELINGS” crowd and whatever else and when have I ever NOT been supportive of him, his ideas, or other people? Like, even in my criticisms of our friend’s work, I do it to improve it, because he wants to write something good and what he has now isn’t very good, but it could be.

Anyway...

Husband and I didn’t get much sleep last night because we were super stressed about the fact that we set up an appointment for internet installation at an apartment we no longer live in. Because of the flooding, we now live one floor above. We don’t have a Japanese phone & number to call and get things changed, so our only recourse was to just... be alert for trucks or knocks on the door downstairs, that we can absolutely hear. So... we got up early to wait for the guys to install and the package with the modem/router to be redelivered. We thought we had lucked out on the redelivery because I could put in a new address, but the guy ended up going to the wrong apartment number anyway. (He almost left with the package, too.)

Husband is super upset and stressed and we’ve had like 6hrs of sleep, so he spends like 90% of the time on his cell phone scrolling through whatever while I roll around in bed bored, cuddled up to his side for contact and to share warmth.

Eventually the guys show up to do the install and he frantically moves everything out of the way, leaving me bereft of a bed and still dicking around on his phone, so now I dick around on my phone. Husband eventually looks at me and asks what’s happening on Twitter. I read aloud a tweet, we actually discussed recliners v rocking chairs (recliners are superior, especially if they are rocking recliners) and then we went back to dicking around, waiting for any interaction requirement on behalf of the installation guys.

Eventually they finish, not too long after the guy with the router shows up and knocks on the door downstairs. Husband scurries down there, gets the package, we install it. We argue over whether he should put the carpet back instead of leaving it rolled up because IT COULD GENERATE STATIC. He rolls it back out, puts everything back where it goes, and we set up the futon thing to sit on. I’ve been upset every day we sit on it because it is also our bed and if I sit on it too much, since I weigh so much, I am basically fucking up the integrity and making it unusable. It cost a bunch of money and we might need to buy a new one of this one ends up ruined as a result, but uh... too bad, husband wants to sit on it instead of anything else.

Then he starts being excited about our internet while I’m struggling to figure out how to set up the router to use our SSID so I don’t need to use a fuckin string of 14 random characters. I’m not done setting it up, please wait. Once that is done, he starts talking about how he wants to take a nap. This is annoying because I suck at taking naps unless one knocks my ass out. Even then, unless I nap for like 4hrs, I am left feeling groggy and my eyes kinda hurting. And it means less time to spend with him. BUT OKAY SURE, YOU NEED A NAP. But he’s also hungry and he can’t sleep if he’s hungry, so now that means I gotta cook.

He apologizes for being a big baby and I tell him it’s fine because I knew this going in but sometimes it’s still annoying and he does try to correct his behavior, so it’s not like he is a little shit and he just continues to be a little shit. And this is a really stressful time. We don’t have a lot of money, we won’t for a while, we’re still looking for and getting stuff to round out our house to be normal and comfortable, and he’s having to do a different job with more responsibility and a completely opposite schedule than the last one. So... it’ll take a while to get settled in so we can stop being stressed.

And then we ate some food and took a nap.

#about me

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kae-karo · 6 years ago

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[1] hi!! so idk if you've seen dan speaking at the mental health panel or not, but there was one part that hit me really hard and id love to know your thoughts on it! basically he was saying that often content creators, and people in general, are struggling with their mental health the most when it seems like they're thriving (uploading constantly, getting good grades, etc) but everyone thinks they're fine. which is literally my life rn but i can't take a break from overworking myself bc i need

[2] to get into college. do you have any advice abt how to provide for my future while still taking care of myself? also, i just want to thank you for running such a healthy and positive blog bc it has helped me thru some difficult times, and you seem like such a thoughtful and caring person!

hi dear! oh no :( I'm so sorry, that's such a hard position to be in - I havent been in school for a few years, and not in high school since 2012 yikes lmao, so I'm sure things have changed a bit but hopefully I can still give some advice that helps?

I'd say first and foremost, talk to a trusted adult you know in person about how you're feeling - whether that be a parent, older sibling, favorite teacher, advisor, etc. they may have advice more specific to your situation that might take into account details I dont know. and while this is my first piece of advice, it can also be the hardest? sometimes facing our demons and being honest about them with others who have only seen our "good side" can feel impossible, but it can be a crucial step to help build a support system that you can go to when you feel you're struggling

the next thing I'd say is, on a small scale, start taking time for yourself. I know that's like. the hardest thing to do when you have like 6hr of homework a night, minimum, plus clubs or sports or other activities that take time, but literally even sneaking five minutes between some bits of homework to do something that's calming and centering for you can make a difference - if you can grab five minutes to go sit in a space you feel comfortable, away from your work, to breathe and think about something other than your work, that can be helpful

the next one is sorta like. tangential, but take care of your body as well - you're still a growing and developing human, so this is ESPECIALLY important, but drinking lots of water (and not too many sugary drinks/chemical drinks) and eating veggies and getting enough protein can literally make such a big difference in your brains ability to function at it's best. the other important thing here is sleep - every body is different, so keep in mind what your body does best on and (when you can) aim for that. between hydration, good nutrition, and sufficient sleep, you're laying a foundation that can help your brain be more successful throughout the day

I wish, ultimately, i had a perfect answer for the fucked up school system (esp in America which is what I'm most familiar with), but it honestly sets you up to fail. what (unintentionally) worked well for me was having a blow-off class or two - classes that were easy for me (like sign language, or French 1 after I'd already taken Spanish for several years) and could help boost my GPA without stressing me out as much. if you can find those classes- and definitely look for the ones that are easy for YOU, don't just ask around for the easiest classes - that can be a really nice break in your day and help relieve you of some after-school stress

here's another "honesty is the best policy" situation - if you find yourself struggling to understand a concept, or homework is taking you so much longer than some of your peers (or the teacher says theres only an hour of hw a night and you end up spending far longer on it) talk to the teacher! tell them you're struggling, and ask if you can get some help understanding a topic. be specific about what you dont understand (dont just go "I dont get it") and explain your thought process - this can help teachers understand where you're veering off the path and what you might be missing. and, more importantly, if you're coming in for help, they're more likely to be lenient with you because they know you're trying (yes I'm aware that was more a "school help in general" bit of advice but in case that's something you're struggling with)

now heres....maybe some controversial advice. take calculated risks. example: if a teacher has a policy where they drop your lowest homework grade in a class and you're doing alright in that class, but you have a day where you're saddled with WAY too much work for another class where you're struggling, it's okay to say "okay, today I need to go to sleep by 10pm, I can either finish this difficult homework or complete homework for the class that will drop a grade", sometimes it makes more sense to skip that one homework and get a zero to spend time dedicated to the class you're struggling in and get rest. in a similar vein, there is also a limit to studying - there is a point where you physically cannot absorb more knowledge. it is so much better for your brain - both from a focus and memory standpoint - to get a little extra sleep than to stay up late studying well past the point where you will retain knowledge.

now....again, I havent been applying to colleges in ages so my advice might be a bit stale, but colleges tend to look for good grades but also challenging classes, or improvement over time in classes, etc etc. they want to know you're working hard, and that you have diverse interests. college apps are a bit like resumes honestly, except you cant lie about your GPA. but like. you can fluff everything else. literally EVERYTHING becomes fair game with college apps. you can talk about fanfic or a fandom you're in if you phrase it the right way, like there are barely rules lmao. and you can make yourself sound very appealing

so my advice would be basically this: work hard, but learn your personal limits. figure out how much sleep a night makes you feel awake and focused the next day (again, it varies!) and aim for that as much as you can. try to eat nutritiously when you can, and drink lots of water. dedicate time to your homework and studying, but be sure to take regular breaks and ACTUALLY shift your brain away from your work during those breaks. and it's also good to dedicate time to life activities - like I said, colleges want to know you're a diverse person. spend time in clubs you like or playing sports if that's your thing, or do things unconnected to school. and remember, you can fluff that all up on a college app! but also remember - you have to live with you for the rest of your life, and there are so so many paths to a good job or a college education if that's what you decide you want, be sure to prioritize your health as much as you can. the education system tricks you into this never ending cycle of "if I just push through ___________ I'll get to ___________!" and taking that through your life can be really challenging and exhausting. I need to acknowledge that some of this is easy for me to say - I was a good test taker in high school, I went to college, and I bullshitted my way through (that's a whole other story lmao) but like. I need to acknowledge that, by some privilege and luck, I do have a college education. so when i say this next thing, please take it with a grain of salt, but there is more to life than chasing what society tells us to chase - there is family, there are friends, relationships, hobbies and interests and love and dreams and spending hours playing video games and SLEEP and getting sunburned cause you spent too long out under the sun photosynthesizing and collecting pens or shiny rocks and ANIMALS there is so so so much in life and I hate with such a burning passion that, for the first 22 years of our lives, we are told the ONLY thing in life is getting through college, getting a degree. again, I need to acknowledge that I say that with a background of privilege, and that education can help people get out of bad situations, etc, but there are many paths to education and they dont all require you to put life on hold to get there

let me tell u a story real quick, cause my education looks (from the outside) "easy" (turns out I had depression and eating disorders of all kinds yeehaw !!!!). my sister did NOT have an easy time in school - my parents could afford it, so she had a tutor for some of her challenging subjects, but she also dealt with anxiety and depression the entire time. she didnt get into the college she wanted to, but got put in a sort of program where, if she got good enough grades in some community college courses, she could get into the school. so she worked her ass off, dove even deeper into her mental health issues, but eventually did get in. and then she had challenging classes and didnt have a great support system, and she ended up failing out of many of her classes, to the point where she got put on academic probation. so she took a year off, got a job at a daycare, and I have literally never seen her happier or more well-adjusted. shes going back to school now, for early childhood education, and working part time at the daycare while she takes a light course load at school

another story for you - my aunt graduated high school and went straight into the workforce. she came from a dirt-poor family and couldn't afford it. she bounced around a bit, but eventually found company that she worked well with. they paid for her to go to school, and she finally got a degree many years after what we would consider "traditional". she had a few other jobs, but shes been at her current company now going on 20 years, has been through several promotions, and works directly with a c-suite employee. she is also the only woman in her office, a very traditional trucking company where she works with engineers on a daily basis

there are many paths to education, if that's where you want to go, and it's okay if it ends up looking different from the traditional path were told to follow. do what you can to avoid sacrificing your mental health for an education - if its what you want, you will get there. and remember to ask for help along the way!! I hope that helps a little, dear

#advice

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spn-ficfanatic · 7 years ago

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The One Moment- Ch5: Roommates

SERIES MASTERLIST - PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 6

Chapter Summary: So, you’ve done the whole “love” thing. What’s the next step?

Genre: Fluff Fluff babeh

Words: 1647

Warnings: Shock horror, I have none. Not even swearing (that I could see)!

You and Jared walked back to your apartment hand in hand. The snow was crunching beneath your feet and you were much warmer now that you had your coat. You were thankful that Lacey had the sense to send him along with one. You had called her while you were in the bathroom to apologize, and was grateful she wasn’t angry and just happy he had found you and that you were ok.

You looked up at Jared with a smile and gave his hand a gentle squeeze before resting your head on his arm, keeping pace with him. You were embarrassed about your behavior tonight but he didn’t seem fazed or ready to run for the hills as a result… Quite the opposite in fact, he’d told you he loved you! The relationship felt like it had reached a new level and more than ever your heart was swelling at thoughts of where this might go.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked gently, releasing your hand and opting to wrap his arm over your shoulders, ensuring to keep his pace at yours.

“Just that I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long time,” you replied with a smile.

“Are you feeling ok?” he asked concerned.

“I’m ok. You stopped me before I got too drunk, and that water helped a heap.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

You sighed. “Oh. Yer I guess I’m fine. Disappointed in myself mostly. A year is supposed to be a pretty big deal. And one week after getting my damn chip I blow it, all over that asshole,” you grumbled.

“Can I help you this time? I mean, I’d like to go to meetings with you if that’s ok?” he asked cautiously.

“I wouldn’t want people thinking we’re there for you though,” you frowned. In the 3 seasons the show had been on the air it had gained a decent following of fans, and people would often pull him aside for autographs in the street. It was something you weren’t accustomed to and while you were so thrilled for the success of the show and its stars it did make you more wary about ensuring his image wasn’t tainted by anything or anyone. Like, say, his recovering alcoholic girlfriend.

“I don’t care what anyone thinks about it,” he scolded. “Besides, aren’t these groups supposed to be anonymous?”

“Sure it is,” you shrugged. “Don’t know how they’ll react to having a celebrity join them though.”

“So Robert Downey Jr never made an appearance at your group?” he asked with a smile.

“Nah. We’re too upper-class for him,” you joked.

It was only a short walk back to your place, and to Jared’s car, so before you knew it you were standing at your front door. You were about to head up the stairs when Jared pulled you back lightly.

“Hey, I was thinking,” he started, turning you to face him. “Why don’t you grab a bag with some overnight stuff and some spare clothes?”

You looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Um, I can’t tell if I’m drunk anymore so I’m not sure if I imagined that but, did you just…?”

“I’m asking you to kind-of move in. A little bit. I mean, I’m not talking about splitting the rent with me and Jensen and going out to buy furniture together or anything, but it’d be nice to have a reminder of you in my room when you decide to stay here. It’d feel like you’re around even when you’re not. And you know, it makes sense if you’re going to be staying at mine for hot steamy sex on a regular basis,” he concluded with a massive grin, causing you to burst into hysterics.

“Oh sweety, that’s all kinds of romantic! How could I possible refuse?” you replied, closing your eyes as you leaned in for a kiss, and you were instantly warmed when his lips touched yours. You reluctantly let go of his hands to head up the stairs, thinking the entire way with a grin about what to pack to leave at your second home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had wanted to surprise the guys with a nice hot coffee and a light breakfast, so had surreptitiously set your own alarm for 5 minutes prior to Jared’s. Like a slinky, you slid out of bed without disturbing the form sleeping next to you, and padded to the kitchen wiping the sleep out of your eyes. Eric wouldn’t need you until 9am, which was 6hrs away, so you relished in the thought of heading back to bed for a bit more sleep after seeing the guys off.

You heard Jared call your name, realizing too late that your absence might alarm him given the events of just a few hours ago. You quickly threw the oven mitt down and jogged to the bedroom, colliding with his firm chest at the doorway. Arms wrapped around you tightly and lifted you off the ground.

“Geez Y/N, don’t scare me like that! I thought…”

“It’s ok babe, I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to get something together for you and Jensen.”

He lifted your chin up to face him, and you felt immediately guilty when you saw the concern in his eyes. You reached up to give him a kiss, which he passionately returned, before pulling away. You patted him on the butt playfully.

“You smell like a bar, go shower and there’ll be a coffee ready for you,” you told him, winking. You headed back to the kitchen smiling, and while you continued making their breakfast you heard both showers turn on.

Jensen emerged first, fully dressed and ready to go except for the fact he still looked half asleep. You smiled sympathetically as you handed him his coffee, and he hummed in appreciation before taking it from your hands to take a sip.

“God Y/N, I don’t know what you do to this coffee but this is incredible,” Jensen said, his eyes practically rolling back into his head. You giggled.

“Do you want a moment alone with the coffee?”

“Can’t talk, drinking.”

You laughed again as you turned your attention back to the stove, just as Jared entered the room.

“Dude, marry this woman. I’m serious,” Jensen commented with a loud sip for emphasis, and you felt your cheeks flush. Jared just chuckled and took the coffee you held out to him, giving you a thank you peck on the lips as he did.

The guys sat in silence for a few minutes enjoying their hot drink while you finished and bagged up their breakfast.

“Didn’t expect to see you here this morning Y/N,” Jensen commented casually with a raised eyebrow. “Is everything ok?”

You squinted your eyes at him suspiciously. “Did Lacey talk to you?”

He shrugged. “There may have been a message on my phone this morning, something about looking for you. Did you two have a fight or something? I noticed you have a bag in Jared’s room.”

Jared caught your eye, obviously curious to see how much you’d tell him about what happened last night. You rubbed your forehead with your hand, before handing them their bags of food which they greedily accepted.

“Last night was… long. And involved. And Jared has my permission to tell you everything on the way to work. Lacey and I are better than fine and the bag, well… how would you feel about casual extra roommate?” you asked tentatively. You’d never been in this situation before with any guy and didn’t know how Jensen would react, so you were surprised when he got up and gave you a big hug. You smiled and wrapped your arms around him too.

“You keep making coffee like this and you can stay forever. I’ll rent out your attic when you and Jared get hitched just so I can live like this until I die from a caffeine overdose,” he replied, giving you a friendly kiss on the top of your head.

You were interrupted by the door buzzing, cueing Cliff’s arrival at the apartment. You pulled away to let him get his things together, and enjoyed a cuddle from Jared before they flew out the door for another busy day of filming. You sighed in relief that the hard part was over, and headed back to bed to get some more sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jared sat down in the car next to Jensen, greeting Cliff as he did. He hummed in anticipation as he opened his bag and started munching away at the egg and bacon sandwich you had made them, and groaned as the taste hit his mouth.

“Christ this is good,” he commented to Jensen, who was also busy tucking into his breakfast.

“What does that woman do to her food? I’m serious Jare, don’t let this one go. I think she’s the biggest catch you’ve ever had.”

Jared smiled as he remembered the happier moments of last night. “I told her I loved her man.”

Jensen’s eyes bulged out of his head in surprise. “What? When did that happen?”

“Last night. Dude you sleep like a log, I can’t believe you didn’t even notice I left the apartment.”

“Whoa hang on, back up… what happened last night? I feel like I’m missing a page from the script or something.”

Jared proceeded to tell Jensen about the events of the night prior, including the actions that lead you to drinking in the first place; by the end Jensen looked like he was ready to kill someone… namely Brad. Jared was pleased that you and his best friend had developed something akin to a sibling relationship, which only helped confirm what he already knew… you were the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

All he had to do now was wait for the perfect opportunity to tell you that.

Part 6 HERE

“Everything” Tag List - @angelsandwinchesters , @grace-for-sale, @growningupgeek, @nanie5

“The One Moment” Tag List - @pansexualmoose, @winchester-writes, @winchester-lover999, @fandomoniumflurry, @oneshoeshort, @ellen-reincarnated1967, @the--real-wombat

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bakatenshii · 5 years ago

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dummy carrie be spoilin me recently eeee

nickname: angle none, Angel’s already a name I chose for myself & legally changed to so !!

zodiac sign: geminiiiii

height: 5’2 with my hair up, 5’1 actually

last thing I googled: 目メイキング

song stuck in my head: Aulos Reloaded - Vladimir Cauchemar, 6ix9ine (mate it’s so fuckin catchy don’t even come at me for this)

number of followers: 83 - I literally don’t know how??? I made this blog a month ago and ya, it’s not a large number but.. I’m not even a writer or artist ahhh

average amount of sleep: between 3-6hrs! I’m a caffeine fiend, so caffeine pills, redbull, green tea, gimmeeee all of eeeet

lucky number: 69 - bro listen, my bday is 619, my track jersey in primary school was 69 it’s meanty be (nd then 6ix9ine came n ruined it)

dream job: creative director!

currently wearing: beeeg playboy hoodie hehe I don’t wear trousers

favourite song: WingRiddenAngel by XXXTentacion (I OD’d during this song and I’ve been clean ever since oop, also v ironic)

favourite instrument: a good electric bass/guitar

aesthetic: homeless-chic, XXLs only, yeezy but like actual rags and bin bags

favourite author: Bukowski & Nabokov

favourite animal noise: I prefer if they’re quiet??

random: I get off the adrenaline high of working on my deadline a few days before it’s due, a week of allnighters, and only redbull and biscuits in my system - tldr: procrastinator/100

-♡︎-

tags: @blahkugo , @theygottheircages , @yukiimanic , @sanguinekeigo , @lookslikeleese , @rat-suki , @honeytama

thank you for tagging me!! @ewwis

Nickname: I don’t really have one smh

Zodiac Sign: libra

Height: 5'7″

Last thing I googled: eva nyc leave in conditioner (it works really good i finally got some)

Song stuck in my head: strawberry blonde by mitski

Number of followers: 412 (im still blown away)

Avg. amount of sleep: 7-8 hours usually but i do be napping tho

Lucky number: i don’t really have one

Dream job: author or something with animals, taking care of them or researching them

Currently wearing: my new bike shorts and my teddy fresh hoodie

Favorite song: meet me in the woods tonight by lord huron that whole album is my all time favorite tbh

Favorite instrument: piano

Aesthetic: misty forests covered in moss, cottagecore tbh

Favorite author: i really should have one considering i write so much i need to read more i miss the library

Favorite animal noise: howling wolves or squeaky little animals

Random: I play way too much animal crossing

Tagging @softkatsuki @our-lady-avon @bebebaku @katsuhoee if you want to no pressure and whoever else sees this and wants to do this!!

#NO ONE COME AT ME FOR MY TASTE IN MUSIC #IVE NEVER CLAIMED TO HAVE A GOOD TASTE #i just put the whole damn spotify on shuffle ok #fun fact: I couldnt listen to wingriddenangel for 2.5 yrs after that bcos it gave me ptsd #but it was my fav song before #i can again now!!#anyways #I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT U CUTIES PLZ DO THIS #SMOOCHES #LOV U #tags #dummy carrie

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hexblackbriar · 7 years ago

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If you're putting un-tested rituals out there for people to do, so that they can tell you the side effects, aren't you putting people in danger? And the spell is for becoming a dark angel, which you already claimed to be, so why are you so scared of "the risks" of doing your own spell yourself? You shouldn't post instructions online if you are too afraid to even verify if they work.

True enough, I haven't tested it myself but had three Friends who did and they're completely fine. They tried it three months ago and felt ill a week after doing it but was good as new in just a couple days.They've been acting differently with me ever since they got better. They'd rarely smile, laugh, cry or show any distress in anything, get angry at me, or even show empathy towards anybody. I'm just like this but I'm worried that there is really something wrong because they cracked down on sleeping as well. They would only get 6hrs of sleep and get up at really early hrs in the morning. But I will try it tomorrow and test it myself be its just unusual of them. They're just like me now.

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studyblrland · 6 years ago

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How Can I Study A Lot Of Subjects In Two Weeks For A Final Exam?

there is a key solution for that and i have stay close enough to a friend in high school who did just that and it worked. But

.... yes there is a But.

there is a catch to this key i will tell you...... and the catch is

you will never get A or anywhere above B+ (or even B+ itself)

you will totally forget everything you have study in those two weeks because it is not even studying it is creming

If you really want better results from your studying with less effort download this free audiobook 'Unlimited Memory' and get more done in less time.

are you alright with that? ....

if yes then we are good.

what am about to tell you is how you can study alot of subjects in few weeks for a final exam, but if you are in college or University i assume that you will already have your coursework build up and all you will need is to boost yourself up a little bit higher ( not for a change of g. p. a however)

if you are in a college or University this is what you should do..

concetrate on the assignment questions both the individual and group assignments find a way to get them from your lecture or friends get the questions together with their answers

get those pop quiz and test questions chances are the lecture will bring them back as they are .

when you finish with all of that grab those powerpoints why power points is because you can read them anywhere unlike moving around with books and papers ( because at this time you are stressed you dont want to move around carrying alot of weight with you )

the Power. Point will help you to get a major content or idea of what a topic is about and this is crucial when studying a particular topic after you have grasp the main idea move on to the next topic.

with a tight 2 week timetable plan and 10minutes of resting evey time you study and regular solving the questions from Assignments you will be good to go.... however i suggest you start with assignment questions first.

if you are not in college or University this is what you do..

prepare a hell like timetable because you are in for a ride your timetable should consume alot of time when you are free and am talking about extending your night studying hours ( if you have one. ... if you had one you wouldn't need this) be ready to sleep for 6hrs only

make sure you have a copy of your final exam timetable then write it backwards start from the last subject to the first then that will be your timetable ....( you dont get it do you!!) this will make you study the first subject on your exam timetable the last Sunday of your 2week of preparation

start grinding and I mean hell like grinding one subject to another each day and if the subject is easy you can add 2 subject on a single day... when studying make sure you grab keywords that when mentioned you will be anle to know what someone is talking about.

for the case of geography or any subject which has drawings then draw the drwings will make things easy for you to explain them on an exam paper

for the case of physics or any mathematical subject attack them one topic after the other make sure you get that formula

use the technology arround you, nowdays there are apps like mathematica, socratic etc all this you should have them and make them your Allie.

Take breaks when studying drink plenty of fluid water or fruits will do because chances are you will always be the last one to sleep

there you go.

if you can study and get good grades in that tight condition think of what you can get in a full semister studying.... this Beast Mode button should not be pushed Everytime,

i understand there are some exceptions but they should be eliminated beforehand.

Beast Mode On.

goodluck.

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waterofthegods · 8 years ago

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Living Inside My Head

So guess I should tell you my story, let you know whats behind my mask. Well I’ll start as far back as i can remember;

I think before secondary school (before 11yo) I was your typical kid, loved being outside and being with my friends, life was good, I had a great upbringing and learned manners & what it is to be good person. My issues started with going to the “big school” aka secondary school, I was a small skinny kid with spots/pimples, I was an easy target for the bullies and popular kids to find fault with, I had the usual name calling and the being pushed around, even had items of my clothing taken from me and burnt or thrown around between people. that was the beginning of me feeling weak and powerless which eventually lead to a self loathing and a deep feeling of worthlessness, over time a mask formed and I became incredibly good at hiding in plain site, just on the fringe so no one noticed me enough to care. During this time I’d had a few mini relationships but one girl I fell in love with and because of her friends telling her to leave me she dumped me & my heart felt the pain of rejection (just this evening I was told that the feeling of rejection isn’t real, its just in our minds, in truth we must see it as the other person looking out for themselves just as we would do, self preservation, YES it does hurt still because we have an investment in that person but we must respect them for being brave enough to make that decision. It wasn’t until I was 15/16 that I’d built relationships with the right groups so that I was left along 95% of the time but by this point the self loathing and fault picking (Body Dysmorphia as I refer to it now) had kicked in so I craved to be liked & loved, this lead me into the arms of and quickly the pants of a girl in college, I didnt want to sleep with her but the pressures of the situation lead to her forcing herself on me several times (yes a man can be sexually assaulted/raped) this was my first experience of sex & it has dictated every sexual experience since. once I’d finished college I had begun working out, this would be a journey I’d continue on until this year (2017), it became the thing I did to feel better and to try and look better, to build myself to a physical size where i was small enough so that the big guys didnt want to fight me & I was too big for the smaller guys to bother with, already I was in a strange & unhealthy mindset. I had a relationship until I was 21 but I felt I’d drifted apart from that girl, what I didnt know then was that my depression was dictating my every move and this lead to me dumping that girl which broke her heart and I watched for years as she struggled to deal with that fact as we still hung out with the same group of friends, also we still hooked up from time to time because I was lonely & that interaction made me feel good for a short time but with every relationship and one night stand from then until i was 25 had been one girl saying ‘NO’ or ‘dumping me’ saying i was ‘boring’ or ‘not the guy they wanted’ or plain old just stopped talking to me. Within this time I had attempted to hang myself, only at the last minute did I stop because in my mind I saw my mothers face upon finding my body hanging there & her breaking down into tears. My depression was in full swing by the time I met Nat (the second girl I fell in love with) from day one I was hooked, she was amazing & beautiful and I was best mates (still best mates) with her brother, that was truly the most I’ve felt happiness since I was a kid, her family was amazing, we loved being together, I spent as much time as I could with her, we even saved to go travelling together with two of her other friends, travelling was our downfall because the stresses of being away from home, having to make decisions with other people who where so indecisive it pained me, started putting cracks in my mask, couple that with us being in a tiny city in Australia with dwindling funds and the group separating meant I felt trapped and instead of being able to talk this out I just shut down & disconnected, went out socialising and drinking & then made the biggest mistake I feel of my life, I dumped Nat and broke her heart, little did I know then but I’d feel that exact pain in years to come. I stayed in contact with Nat & as I watched her spiral into her own depression and pain it ate away at me inside, week by week I realised I’d fucked up n there wasnt anything I could do to help her feel better and with that knowledge I internalised my hatred for myself and fed my illness the fuel it wanted, pushing myself deeper into my own head & into a lot more one night stands than I’d like to admit, I’m not proud of them but I cant ignore them either, they happened as a result of feeling disconnected, worthless and not worthy of the love I’d gotten from Nat, I felt I was bringing her down and it wasnt fair to do that to a wonderful soul like hers. Now a 28yo ‘man’ (scared lil boy) I had just returned home from Australia & began talking to an English girl I’d met travelling, by valentines of that year (2015) we’d decided to meet up in Edinburgh (my third love Lucy), It was fireworks for me the second I saw her again, that shy cheeky look on her face, it was a great first few months even though we lived 6hrs apart, me in Tow Law and her in Lochness, once again my demons crept into my head and said your going to hurt her because your not good enough for this girl, so we fought a lot and i broke up with her, I then did the only other thing i do when I’m in pain which is get drunk and slept with a girl from work, realising this wasnt what i wanted i tried getting back with Lucy a few weeks later, she did take me back but knew I’d slept with someone and asked me about it, Im always honest so i admitted what had happened, this broke her heart again and Im not sure she ever forgave me (also at this time her best friends died) so I can understand I was at fault too. Everything was good until i found a guy she had gym classes with flirting with her on texts, granted she wasnt replying but she wasnt stopping him either, confronting her made a big issue and caused tensions which begun my second mental illness ANXIETY, I became paranoid & on occasion I get a bad feeling so I’d check her phone and I found sexual messages between her and a guy she’d met in Australia, now any normal human being would have told her to fuck off but as I was in love and in a fragile state I needed her love so after confronting her and arguing she agreed not to talk to him again and Id try to forget it, well im sure by now you can guess that didnt happen and by Xmas I’d found sexual emails from her to her ex (the guy she thought was her perfect man) and vice versa so again i told her i knew, she said she’d stop talking to him and we’d move on, (what a fucking idiot I was) by now my self worth was almost zero, my depression and anxiety in full swing and in a long distance relationship without trust, Valentines day 2016 the weekend to patch things up as bring back the love we first felt, I book the same hotel as the first time we met, I get there early in the day to get flowers and rose petals and chocolates and make the room as amazing as possible, I pick her up from the bus station and we have a great day and evening but I just cant sleep i sense something so I go and look in her phone and there are emails time stamped for that day as she travelled to me, between her and her ex talking sexually, I can not describe how worthless i felt in that moment, I literally became numb to the situation, unwilling to believe what was happening to me, this time i said nothing about the messages and just continued the weekend. Over the coming months we spent more n more time apart and I’d become dependent on alcohol to sleep and 7 cups of coffee to get through the day as I was lucky to get 2/3hrs of sleep a day before starting my 7-5 shifts, which could be 6/7 days a week, I over trained in the gym to try and look better for her and only ate 1 meal a day if I as lucky (I lost 14kg in weight), I injured my knee in the process and it still to this day isnt fixed. we’d decided to go travelling together, which in my mind was how we’d fix things because we needed a fresh start with fresh scenery. All that happened was that she disconnect mentally and sexually, started talking (and maybe more) with a guy she’d met in the gym, the guy shes dating now (definitely cheated on me with him) in November of that year I had enough and told her I’d been so sad with her I had previously gone to get drunk and cut my wrists because her actions and the way she made me feel, she has upset but at this point it was days from our break up, one night on a video call i had been drinking heavily and started to take Tramadol tablets, after her obvious hysteria I stopped taking them after about 4 tablets and went to be sick. 2 days later she broke up with me and only talked to me in regards to the flights we’d booked to go travelling (she was cancelling her flights). At this point Im mentally at my lowest point, numb to everything & planning my death, unknowing to me everyone around me knew I was going to do something because I was no longer able to maintain the mask. NYE day my parents sat me down and told me they didnt want me to leave and go travelling but I insisted I was going and need to get away from the memories, so I got rid of all Lucys things. January 4th 2017 came round and I got on the plane bound for SE Asia having planned to just get through the 2 months in Asia and then fly to NZ wait a month (April) until my birthday and buy whisky, lots of painkillers and then find a quiet beautiful place to just drift off this mortal coil, to relieve my self of over 15 years of feeling exhausted under the weight of these illnesses, just feeling like i was drowning on the air I needed to survive, taking bigger gulps & drowning quicker with each breath. Thing is I met a guy & girl in Asia, we traveled on and off together, experiencing fun and laughter and distracting me from my illness, at least for a while, a few days before I left Asia i crashed a moped and injured my leg and arm, it got infected and once I got to NZ I went to A&E to have it looked at, this is where I met Christina (my final love) she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, we got talking and hit it off, but shortly after she messaged saying she was interested in a guy she’d known from years ago and couldnt continue talking to me. It hurt me because to me it was another rejection so i moved to a little town called Te Puke (sounds like cookie) there i stayed with a wonderful couple and their dog while i got my foot better and found work to build up my savings, during this time Christina asked my to come to Auckland and meet her before she went back to the USA for a new job, this is where we got talking again, eventually we hooked up and each weekend I’d finish work and drive the 3 1/2hrs to see her for the weekend and drive home Sunday or Monday Morning, this was the case for about a month and then I moved to Auckland to be with her, I felt that she was the one, everything about her was perfect but due to many stresses including money, bills, no job & one of her kids having abandonment issues, which were hard to deal with, caused unrest and upset, she also wasnt over he last guy who was her twin flame, the guy who made her feel perfect and he was her person, only thing was he chose the girl he was dating and not Christina, this devastated he & so because shes not dealt with that she, disconnected both mentally and sexually within the relationship and so my depression, anxiety attacks and self worth took a massive hit once again and right now I feel alone, devastated, lost and numb, my heart is broken into more pieces than there are stars in the night sky, walls are up, mask is firmly in place. Along with all this shit my anxiety causes me to feel nauseous and all I can keep down is an apple a day so I end up being very ill and if I eat anything else I throw it up. I question why these things happen to me and why I cant just kill myself and leave this all behind, the same phase is told to me over and over again, The world has a need for you in it! this is true for all of us Im beginning to see, hence why Im writing this blog to show others they’re not alone and you can find a peace within yourself, just reach out and ask for help.

#bad neighbourhood #monsters #inside my head

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justadrifting1 · 8 years ago

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23.07.2017

hello blog. i am back from my korea trip and it was a wonderful wonderful 8 days that i wish i can relive again and again. but since i can’t, i have the memories and the pictures to look at when i feel down and discouraged or when i just needed some positive vibes to cheer me on.

i will just blog about the days we spent there to the best of my memories, so that other than photos, i have pictures to remember as well.

DAY 1 - 15.07.2017 SINGAPORE > SEOUL > BUSAN

So bright and early in the morning, which i couldn’t sleep the night before anyway, cause i had to do some stuff for my acceptance of the training award. so i was up the whole night and had to wake up at 4am. woke up sleepy but fully and really excited. he took a cab to my place and we cab over from our place to the airport, same grab driver lol.

we reach there pretty early. the sky was still dark and still have some time before our boarding gate open. went to buy coffee and wrap and sandwich from dunkin donuts and sat at the lounge area to wait for our flight. after some time, the boarding gate opened and we were able to board the plane. the seats were really cramped but we got the window and aisle seat so like we’re just side by side. even though it was like a 6hr plus journey including the rescheduled time, it was pretty enjoyable. he was taking care of me, making sure i have everything i need. i remember my phone dropped onto the side or the bottom of my seat and he crouched down to pick it up for me and im just like my hero.

flight was ok, turbulent at times and i got a little scared. we watched our own shows and ate our own meals. it was pretty nice. at around 410, we arrived and were thinking if we could get to the KTX on time. timewise we’re pretty on track but when we went to the counter at the airport, the lady gave us 630 tickets direct from incheon instead. she insisted that it is the best timing rather than taking the arex to seoul and then to busan. so we decided to just heed her advice and went to eat lotteria before catching the train. and i’ve been nagging about eating lotteria cause like singapore don’t have then he keep saying see how cause don’t want whole trip also eat burgers. so im glad we had a chance to go eat.

at around 630 we went to catch the ktx to busan. it takes quite some time so it was 1020 when we reach busan already. there was nothing much to do on the train. good thing there was a usb plug and wifi so we’re just using phone to pass the time. it was really boring. plus it was night time so like there was not much of a view also.

after what felt like forever, we finally reached busan. it was late already so we decided to take a cab to our airbnb instead of public transport. we went out of the station to the roadside and flag a cab down. we reach our airbnb just fine. went up the 37th floor, deposited our stuff, then went back down again to buy water and some food. it was too late to go around to see as we had planned or eat dinner so just bought some onigiri. the view from the airbnb was supposed to be really nice, overlooking the beach but it was too dark to see anything. we just showered and went to sleep cause we were so tired from the continuous travelling today.

DAY 2 - 16.07.2017 BUSAN > ORYUKDO > BIFF SQUARE > GAMCHEON CULTURAL VILLAGE > SONGDO SKYWALK > JAGALCHI FISH MARKET > GWANGGALLI BEACH

oryukdo skywalk was like my top priority in busan cause it looked so nice on the picture. but like in the end it was like meh, its beautiful but not as i expected. we took a bus to oryukdo and walked down the side of the slope facing the sea. when we reached the skywalk itself, it was a really small curved bridge with transparent floor. we had to wear these socks i guess so as not to dirty the skywalk or scratch the pavement with our shoes. it was a nice scenery and nice breeze, but pretty underwhelming. it was like walk walk walk then thats it.

this was my sole photo of BIFF square. idk if its because we went at the wrong time or what. a lot of the little stalls were closed although we did managed to find the stall selling the hotteok that every blog recommended us. it was nothing to shout about though. really disappointed with BIFF square.

gamcheon cultural village was another story. gamcheon was really pretty with unexpected turns here and there. we didn’t use much maps for individual locations during the trip but i asked for one as i was afraid i would miss out some stuff. but they told me there are no maps for gamcheon. so we just walked and wandered wherever we go. he was a good sport throughout the trip, usually he not the kind who would take pictures and stuff but he was willingly taking photos with me and even FOR me. we saw cute dogs and like guys dressed in those japanese school girl uniform. it was really bizarre. we didn’t manage to take picture with the little prince statue at the side of a wall as there was a long queue of people waiting to take pictures but at least we found another little prince statue lol. we went to all the little corners and rickety, uneven steps and slopes and it was just really nice and windy to have this kind of adventure with my favourite person.

We almost gave Songdo a miss. this was quite interesting cause we were actually on our way to gwanggalli beach so we were on the bus and we passed by the songdo skywalk and we were like eh look interesting, lets go lets go. so we alighted right at the next stop and took the next bus in the opposite direction. the songdo beach was really crowded and the skywalk was much more interesting than the oryukdo one. there was a newly refurbished cable car called busan air cruise. there was a long line for the cable car, i guess because its newly opened. the queue for the crystal floor one was super long and super slow. and also quite pricey so we went for the normal one. which was just as fun. it has been some time since both of us were on cable car and it was quite scary. the ahjummas in the same carriage as us were so chatty and keep laughing at every movement of the carriage so in the end he kept laughing as well. went to the other side of the cable car which is a park called aman park. had tteokbokki there and that was it. the park was mainly for hiking and we were not in the correct clothes and it was too hot to hike anyway.

my only picture of jagalchi fish market! even though he don’t eat fish much, let alone raw sashimi fish, he was very nice and went with me to the jagalchi fish market and looked for something with a suitable price with me. this was 20000 won that the lady cut the price for because i said im the only one eating. he mainly just watched me and ate some of the banchan and im just so thankful that he is willing to go there with me even though he is not eating at all.

after jagalchi fish market we took a train down to gwanggalli beach. this beach was really far away from the train station but once we reached there, there were lots of shops selling little this and that. can tell the whole area was completely catered for foreigners or just ppl coming for a holiday. the bridge looked really pretty against the sky and the sea. we went to eat bbq duck afterwards and i think he really enjoyed it which makes me really happy.

i can’t find a picture of the duck we ate. grrrrrr.

afterwards we just went back to our airbnb and had rested. we went back and was sunburnt all over and we walked so much so we’re really tired. it was a really fruitful day tho.

i will continue the other days in other post so it won’t be too long.

till then,

💕

#ys

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hyggeskies-blog · 8 years ago

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Raf and Moir

Yes, I purposely did that to make it sound like “Chuck and Blair”. Why am I so obsessed with this couple anyway? Well, to cut to the chase, they were “dysfunctional”. They had their own quirks that made it seem impossible for them to be together, but they were magnetic. They found their way back together everytime.

Now, I want to take a happy trip down the memory lane. Back to the where we began, when you would always tweet about me. Yung masaya, kinikilig.

Nilalandi mo na pala ako nyan. I didn’t really realise it. Back then, I didn’t know we’d end up like this. I mean, yung maging tayo. Like I never, ever, thought of that nung November 1, 2016. Instead of my heart dying, nabuhayan. Char.

Yes, I even found a way to save our first texts.

^ landi move pt. 2 mo yan.

Naging araw-araw na pag-uusap natin. At first, natutuwa lang akong kausap ka. Syempre, parang nakakabore naman pag walang kausap diba? Then I didn’t realise na naattach na ako.

You basically freaked when I skipped class. Isang subject lang ako pumasok. Pinagalitan mo ko, bale yan yung una. HAHAHA. Naalala ko, I sent you so many snaps that day. I did a literature voice over and I just kept sending you snaps. Pang-streak natin kaso sobrang dami nun, mga lampas 200 seconds.

Gaan ng loob ko sayo simula pa lang. Alam kong friendly ako but we hit it off agad agad eh. Maybe it was because bestie mo din bestie ko. Chill lang ako nyan nung nalaman kong bibisita ka, I didn’t know na a month later yan na pala ang pinakahihintay kong araw.

Same convo dun sa landi pt. 2 HAHAHA hay cute mo, pinaparinggan ako pero ayaw ko mag-assume nun.

The first time na inasar kita, kasi you were stalking me. You were saving my pics pala! Crush mo ko eh HAHAHH.

Ito na, napapansin ko na. Pero I chose not to assume. Akala ko kasi you’re like the others lang. Na after 2 weeks wala ka na. Pero ayun, naging everyday habit na natin yun. Magkatext sa school, magkachat sa gabi. I remember singing to you palagi, you would request videos. Tas tinitweet mo yung lyrics. May time nga na you made it as your fb status pa. But my mentality was “bawal kiligin”

You were always my #1 fan. When I post pics, heart agad. Like agad. Ikaw nga stalker ko diba? Remember my “hi to my stalker” tweet? I’ve never felt so admired in my life feel ko tuloy ganda ganda ko, save ka ng save ng mukha ko pati vids ko. Tweets ko lagi mong pinapansin HAHAHA.

Cute pa mga away at tampuhan natin dito. Ikaw kasi, very matampuhin at seloso! Buti nalang love na kita nyan, kahit wala pa tayong sinasabi HAHAHA. Sa sobrang loyal ko, kahit di pa nga tayo official na MU at pabebeng landi palang, di na ko namamansin ng mga malalandi.

Video calls became our nightly thing ever since you called when Emil and Julian were sleeping over. Before that, tumawag ka na din sa snapchat. Pero wala lang sakin yun, until I became attached to you na nga. I started looking forward to coming home kasi alam kong makakapagvideo call tayo. Tiis tiis sa mabagal na wifi, masaya naman tayo. We even called each other kahit nung PRISAA days mo. I even cheered you up nung na-sprain ka diba? I was so worried about you, kahit di pa kita crush nun. Sobra na ako mag-care sayo.

Now let’s fast forward to when we were about to meet each other, shall we?

Mga final exam time, doon ko narealise kung bakit ako sobrang mag-care sayo at bakit ako “attached”. So I liked you already, but I kept denying it. Pero what? May sinusulat na nga ako for you dito eh. Then I just gave in.

Sobrang excited ko nung malapit na kayong pumunta ng Manila. Muntik pa nga di matuloy yung pagpunta mo dito diba? Dapat kasi, sa Bacoor tayo magkikita. Then ayun, ang nangyari hinatid ka ng mama mo at ni kuya miggy dito sa bahay. Sobrang saya nung araw na yun. Sobrang sulit yung 6 hrs. Remember, napunit contacts ko nung parating ka na? HAHAHA. I was too thrilled to meet you ata nun.

Bumaba ka ng kotse. Then fudge, ngiti agad ako. Ang payat mo nun, tas medyo kalbo ka. Shy type ka pa nun, but your smile huhu. Hay, basta. We were so happy diba? Sulit yung 6hrs.

Some of our photos sa bus!! So ayun, I never felt so happy to be with someone kahit nga less than 6hrs yun actually. Di ako masyadong sad nung hinatid kita kasi akala ko magkikita tayo sa summer, pero hindi pala.

So after this, nagkita tayo nung open play. Thanks Maricar. Kahit risky at muntik na ko maground for life, nakita naman kita.

Then after this, ting ting ting! December 31 2016, madaling araw. Around 3am to 4am yun. Aminan portion. Lam mo na yun. Nakahiga ako sa folding bed, nakatingin sa stars, then napapapikit pikit na ko nun kaya di ko maintindihan mga sinabi mong iba. Umiyak ka pa nun kasi lasing ka. Hirap mo kasing intindihin eh di ka nagsasabi lagi -_-.

Yes, my year started with a smile. We were very happy. Di pa tayo lagi nag-aaway. Di pa malala mga away natin, di nagtatagal ng dalawang oras. Puro rainbows and sunshine lang tayo nun, kahit na ang drafa mo lagi na akala mo iiwan kita anytime for someone else.

The last time na nakita kita was sa airport, less than 10 minutes pa. You got lost kaya bumalik ka sa may Kenny Roger’s. Engot mo talaga kahit kailan. At ang engot ko din for not hugging you enough kasi pabebe ako. Tinakbuhan pa nga kita eh.

I gave you my id and a letter diba? Is it still with you? Basahin mo ulit, please. And the jersey I gave you? $30 yan alagaan mo hahaha char joke. Meron pa nga ditong Merlion na maliit na stuffed keychain ata at yung ibang ibibigay ko dapat through lbc.

So ayun, medyo gumagaan loob ko thinking about the times na we were so full of love. We’re both very jelly people pero grabe din tayo bumawi diba? Pero ano nangyari? Parang the bawi became less and less. Nung una, di tayo natutulog ng hindi magkabati. Ngayon, natutulog tayo ng hindi okay. Dati pa, napaparanoid na tayo pero ngayon sobra sobra na ang paranoia.

Mas natatakot na nga ako lately, kasi kada araw nag eexpand ang mundo natin. You will always find someone better than me, kaya every day I’m praying na kahit makaharap mo pa ang pinakaperfect na babae sa mundo, ako pa rin ang pipiliin mo. Na kahit gaano kahirap ang sitwasyon natin, ako pa rin. That it will always be me over any other girl. That it will always be us against the world.

Grow together nga diba? Gusto ko sana na ako yung magpapamature sayo. Gusto ko na sakin ka matuto kung pano magmahal ng totoo. Very idealistic, right? I promised myself I’ll stick with you no matter how hard it gets. Minsan nararamdaman kong naiichapwera na ako. Di ka na gaya ng dati. Yung #1 fan ko, admire ng admire sa akin. Puro na kasi tayo negativity. Lagi ka nagseselos, kahit inaassure kita. Yung natitiis mo nang hindi ako kausapin. Natiis mo nga ako buong araw, nung intrams diba? Yung kaya mo nang matulog ng alam mong umiiyak ako.

Gusto ko sana mag-restart. Reset button. Reboot. Pwede naman eh. Parang sa kotse lang, change oil. Or sa bahay, lilinisan. Para “good as new”. Para nakakakilig pa rin like nung dati. Diba nga saya natin pag pinaguusapan yung unang memories natin. How we started. Mga moments na di mo alam, at di ko alam. Sana, na-manage natin ng mas maayos to. Sana di tayo kinain ng negativity. Sana, nareremedyohan natin lagi ang problema bago lumala. Sana mas naging open tayo sa isa’t isa about sa feelings natin.

I don’t know if your feelings had changed all of a sudden tonight, pero alam ko ako hindi nagbago. Ako pa rin yung nakilala mo last year. Ako din yung sinendan mo ng New Year message at nagsulat sayo ng letter bago ka umalis. I’ve been keeping my words, lahat ng sinasabi ko sayo sa messages ko.

I’m the girl who’s always down for you. Kahit minsan nadodown na ako myself. You’re my “mahirap pero kaya to” in a world of “Suko na ko”. I love many things in the world, pero ikaw ata nasa top. I’d do anything to make you happy. Masaya ako as long as masaya ka. I’d also do anything to fix this, pero nakakalungkot naman kung ako lang pala ang may gusto na ma-fix to.

Why find better when I already have you, and that’s enough? Aware ako sa lahat ng imperfections mo. Gusto ko ngang tulungan ka to become a better person. I love you for you, pero di ko hahayaan yung mga bad habits mo at bad sides mo. Nevertheless, I love everything about you. Even if sometimes I feel na may kahati ako sa atensyon mo. Sometimes I feel like you pay too much attention sa mga admirers mo. Nakakaiyak minsan eh, feel ko di ako sapat. Napansin mo nga lang mga tweets ko, yung “get u a man” pero negative yung interpretasyon mo.

Masakit, kasi I only want the best for us. I do my best nga para maramdaman mong mahal kita. I send you twitter quotes na di mo pinapansin. I tag you in posts na di mo din napapansin. Naalala ko pa dati, kahit ang dami dami dami kong sinisend lahat nirereplyan mo. Anyare, baby? Parang ang nangyayari lang satin ngayon ay puro mali ang tinitignan sa isa’t isa.

Muli akong nabuhayan ng loob nung sinusulat ko yung first part. Diba nga laging masaya sa umpisa? Ano ba sabi ko sayo? Di kita iiwan kahit nahihirapan na tayo diba? Kahit away ng away. Kahit busy.

I’m still here.

But if you choose to walk away from me, please balikan mo muna yung mga memories natin at mga promises natin sa isa’t isa. Balikan mo lahat. Isipin mo lahat ng magagandang nangyari sa atin. And if you still decide to end us, then….

I just wish for your happiness. Kung saan ka masaya dun ako. Kahit ayaw kong makita ka na may kasamang ibang babae, kung mas sasaya ka sa kanya then di ako makikialam. Tandaan mong a part of me will always love you, kahit anong mangyari. But if walking away makes you happier, less stressed, then I’ll let you even if it breaks me inside out.

I hope she would make you feel like you’re the only guy in her world. Deserve mo yan. Sakin kasi, ikaw at ikaw lang talaga. Sana sesendan ka nya ng long messages bago ka maglaro. Sana magaling sya kumanta kasi alam ko you like listening to songs. Sana siya yung one call away mo, sugod agad pag kailangan mo sya. She’ll watch your games, something na di ko magagawa ngayon. Sana icomfort ka niya pag malungkot ka after a bad game or a bad day. Sana mamahalin ka nya ng sobra sobra, more than I do. Sana understanding siya kasi may pagkashunga ka eh, abnormal. Matampuhin. Seloso. Sana maintindihan niya lahat ng yan. Malalaman nya din mga favourite food mo at dadalhan ka nya nun. Lagi siyang manonood sa training mo. Mapupuntahan nyo din mga lugar na dapat ay tayo nandun!! Pag pumunta kayo sa Singapore, ask me lang ha? Doon ako lumaki eh, expert na ako dun slight. Basta!! Treat her well, dapat yung parang prinsesa. Masaya na ko nun if ever, na kahit ibang babae na nasa tabi mo.

I will always love you!! Real talk. Parang may part na permanent na. Mahirap tanggalin. Susupportahan pa rin kita sa mga pangarap mo. Pag may work na ko, at pag international player ka na, I’ll try to get plane tickets agad! Pero short term muna. Kapag UAAP player ka na, icclear ko schedule ko para mapanood ka. #1.5 fan diba? Cheerleader? I never disappoint, baby. Kaya hanggang sa huli sana hindi kita na-disappoint.

But I sincerely hope, I’m sincerely praying, that this won’t be the end. I don’t know what I’d do. Right now nga, naiiyak na ako. Parang may lump sa throat ko. Ang sakit na ng wrists ko kakatype. But I don’t care anyway, it won’t compare to the pain of actually losing you.

Ang dami ko pang gustong sabihin, pero alam mo na yun. Tsaka baka paulit-ulit lang kasi gusto ko lang sabihin sayo na mahal na mahal kita at lagi ako nandito para sayo. You’re also my best friend. Kakayanin ko bang mawala ka? Pero kung mas makabubuti sayo yun, sige na lang. Kung yun ang gusto mo, okay lang.

I will do all my actions for the love of You. Prayer yan, but suddenly that prayer became a prayer para sayo pero jk lang for God talaga dapat.

So yeah…… pls take time to read sana..

Love,

Moira

P.S have u ever wondered how a day without me will feel like?

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therichlittlebunny · 8 years ago

Text

Triggered

*deep, long sigh* It has been a really long, exhausting few days and I am soooooooo fucking glad it's over and done with. Nothing is worse then fighting with your man when you work @ 6am then again in the evening into the night. I just... I'm wondering how I've made it since Sunday night. Somehow managed to get to work early, deal with a non stop flow of customers for 6hrs, come home to fight with him. Get in the worst nap or none at all, barely eat and then do support work for kids with autism. Allah blessed my life though and we finally got shit resolved. OMFC That took a lot out of me. Basically Big Daddy was triggered. Not too shortly after we'd just had a disagreement so tensions had not gotten a chance to completely settle. 😤 Sunday night around 8:30, I called it a night while he was playing LoL. I was already exhausted and had to wake up at 3:30AM to get to work for 6AM. Thank God I only have to take one bus to work and it practically drops me off right in front of the building. We're also currently in the middle of a bit of a pregnancy scare because I'm craving things, hungry all the time, falling asleep on myself, having cramps, recently I've started feeling nauseous and having heartburn. And the classic need to pee. I'm peeing literally every two hours. So after coming back from the bathroom for the umpteenth time that night, just before I could drift back off to sleep... Honey Bunches hmu on FB. He's having a crisis. Now to be fair he's been describing his life as a BDF or burning dumpster fire, for like two or three weeks. I didn't force him to tell me what was going on but offered as much emotional support as possible and let him know I was here when he was ready. So that night he'd just hit his breaking point and come undone, was having a meltdown, crying in his car. Shit. He was in an old area of mine so I went out to get him because he needed the support and being from the Falls (Niagara Falls) he didn't realize he was having a moment in a super sketchy area of downtown. So as I'm heading out, I text my Big Daddy. He worries about me going for late night runs, I knew he'd worry even more about me traveling so far, so late. Unbeknownst to me, that was a big mistake. I am very forth coming and transparent. I have nothing to hide. It was also a matter of safety in case something happened, God forbid. I missed a GM text once and he spent the entire morning at work (he works the same time as me) wondering if I was okay and if I was pissed with him. I literally just slept right through his whole shift. Lol But that night, I had stroke a chord and triggered him. I never knew all the details of what his ex had put him through or the extent to which she lied but I was quickly about to find out.😩 I have never hated a person more in my life, who I had never met. I am liable to fight her upon introduction. The entire trip downtown was spent reassuring him that I was just going to help a friend in a crisis. He knows it's not unusual for me to leave at like 2AM suddenly because I had friend tweaking out on meth, or having a bad acid trip or threatening to kill them selves mid panic attack. I'm just the person that is usually called because no one else seems to be able to get through to the person in question. I'm used to it. I don't really mind either. I'd rather not wake up to the news that someone has dropped dead. At some point Big Daddy dismisses me completely after I tell him I will update him when I get home. There's nothing to worry about. That didn't mean shit in that moment. The second I get in around 3:20AM, I messaged him to let him know I'm safe, what happened and give him that GM text. A little stressed with how he had reacted, I crawl into bed and fall asleep. Only to wake up a few hours later to the most passive aggressive text ever. WTF. He has under handedly accused me of being unfaithful. W.T.F....?! I shut it down with pure facts real quick because that was bullshit. A few hours pass and he angrily responds that I had been lying, maybe even from the beginning and he wasn't having it. What...in the actual fuck?!?! At this point I'm exhausted because my sleep was shit, emotionally stressed out because where in the fuck was this coming from and starting to get really depressed because it was becoming increasingly clear that he wasn't hearing me. At all. He was just looking for things in my text, FB and whatever else to back up his anxiety fuelled rage. I tell him as much but again I was just lying. Like I had lied about my sexual history and what had happened in that 8 months we had been broken up. He accused me of the same deceitfulness as ex. I exploded. I called bullshit so loudly it was a wonder my mother didn't hear it. He had launched me into a full on anxiety attack and I was quickly spiralling out just as Honey Bunches messaged me on FB to check in. He immediately knew something was wrong because my spelling and grammar had gone to shit. Punctuation and articulation had fucked off so he called instead but that was a mess as well because I was like two seconds away from blacking out because I was barely able to breath. That man had to talk me into breathing. 😭Convince me to get out of bed because he could already tell my depression was setting in hard and fast. "Get dressed. Doesn't matter what you wear. I'm outside waiting." He had driven all the way back while on the phone with me. I don't think he had ever seen me so covered up in all black and silent. He convinced me to eat after Big Daddy got mad at me even more for, "running into the arms of another man". Honey Bunches got me stop and think rationally when Big Daddy wouldn't. "You know what is going on with him. He doesn't realize he's spiralling out. Ground him. Get him to stop and think things through with you. You can't be emotional, hit him with logic." "Be Spock?" "Perfect. Be Spock." That was great theory but didn't necessarily work that. Our fight blew up yet again. A good chunk of that night went to pure hysterics on both ends. All boiling down to me telling him that he could pretty much go fuck himself. I wasn't his ex and he was a fucking asshole for the reach he made to draw a comparison. God willing I'd drop dead. I think that's what snapped him out of it. Losing me. The idea of never seeing me alive again. I cried myself to sleep and woke up to a text begging me not to hurt myself. I said nothing, only rolled over and fell back into a fitful sleep. I woke up heartbroken and pissed off. My response reflected such. He said nothing. I told him when I got home, fell asleep waiting for a call. Sent a text full of heartache when I woke up from the most disgusting nap. Depression had set in. He said nothing. I tried calling but he didn't pick up. I curled up in bed and began binge watching the last thing we had been watching together. Tokyo Ghoul. I had given up. Deactivated my Facebook since the night before and didn't go on any social media. I was getting ready to go to bed when my iPad dinged. He responded. I instantly burst into tears at the very first words he'd said to me all day, "I love you..." He was terrified. I meant everything to him and he had been such a jerk to me. He handled the situation like an asshole. He was dead ass wrong for every thinking that I could stoop to the same level as his ex. He hadn't responded, hadn't answered any of my calls because he was ashamed of himself. Had been the moment he told me to back off the night before. We were in such a similar situation as the one he'd gone through that he couldn't help but start to panic. As unloveable as he thought he was, he couldn't bare the idea of losing me again or that he had been stupid enough to fall for the same shit twice. He couldn't go through either one again. We spent nearly the whole night texting. He was still to embarrassed to talk to me on the phone. Needless to say I was dead at work after only three hours of actual sleep since Sunday. He's still apologizing. We're finally going to talk on the phone tonight. This might be a good chance to get him to watch my favourite Bollywood movies 😋

#anxiety #big daddy #honey Bunches #this is forever #panic attack #depression #stronger together

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