#and i actually don’t hate the ending of ck… sorry folks i just think it makes narrative sense !!

[mrsmiroir]

yaknow we really don’t talk enough about the fact that matthias and nina are both child soldiers…

[hanijunk]

Alright boys, girls, and nonbinary folks of the world. It’s 5:36am (1/30 when I first started) as I decide to give up on my attempt to continue to focus on learning statistics, avoid studying for my two upcoming midterms, and put off my two actual essays for two different classes.

Instead we’re going into a dive about ✨ KazuFuuma ✨ . Is this me telling you you gotta ship it? No of course not, you’re entitled to your own ships! You don’t really gotta care about it as a ship. But I do want people to recognize it’s THERE canonically, and how disregarding it is extremely unfair to Kazuki as a character particularly. Also, I’m working on the assumption anyone clicking this at least knows the bare bones about what KazuFuuma (ex. You know they are a ship of Kazuki/Fuuma from Dolce, you know they are childhood friends, you know who Dolce is, you know about Honeyworks, etc.) I’ll be making references to specific things, but I won’t always go into heavy detail. Might just hope you know it or take my word for what it is, and go into analyzing it. Some I’ll put direct references to find, but some I’ll trust you can find it yourself. If you somehow read this MAMMOTH and want reference to a specific thing mentioned, hmu I can help you find it!!

Also I hate tumblr formatting sm if you legit wanna read this 7 page essay but hate tumblr format lmk I'll add it as a google doc link instead too. anYWHO

Before actually getting into the meat of things lemme preface some stuff.

Again it’s like almost 6am so this will be disorganized and very train of thought (and likely long due to the fact when I fly by the seat of my pants I’m known to get unnecessarily extensive). It’s definitely gonna be in large part why it’s important to recognize as a romantic relationship foundation and what about it shapes Kazuki’s character in particular. Maybe a bit of how it’s been built up and its general focus and implications. Dunno yet. We’ll see LMAOO

I say f*ck. Not a lot, just a handful of times. This ain’t something scholarly this is for my own enjoyment so if you don’t like that might not wanna read. And it’s not like spitefully I just curse a lot if you haven’t...read my tags before lol

Again this is through the lens of a Kazuki stan. Of COURSE I’m going to have some level of bias, but if anything that bias may help more than hurt because that means I become FIXATED and think a lot about Kazuki. Which plays into establishing just how important it is that Kazufuuma’s relationship is recognized, especially in a romantic light at this point. Lmfao. 

I’ll have a few more prefaces about the actual content below but to keep this from getting too long if you wanna read come below the cut owo

I have extremely limited knowledge of Japanese just taking a few classes in highschool (so like 3 yrs ago) and live in America. This means a lot of my knowledge is gathered through the english translations of the super duper incredible and lovely people in the Honeyworks fandom who provide translations (delaix and takanenene esp have provided so much for me being able to understand Dolce) and my own limited Japanese paired with Google Translate for things that remain untranslated.

This only will be drawing on information I have come in contact with and have access to and making assumptions based on that, most (if not all) of which is in the public domain. So things like the Dolce Manga Volumes released via Animate, exclusive 4komas, and Light Novels are out of my area for the most part (apart from again snippets of translations thanks to this fandom’s godlike and generous translators).

I will not be drawing on anything from the first Dolce album with the exception of Nade Nade. From a meta standpoint, I consider those songs as songs made as performance media as opposed to character explorations. Nade Nade is the exception because (1) it was released a whole year before the album and (2) you can tell it’s explicitly an exploration of Fuuma and Kazuki’s interpersonal relationship even if it’s in a slightly more performance based context than the songs that came out with the Dolce LNs. Easiest parallel I can make to show this is if you held Non-Fantasy, Yume Fanfare, and Samishigariya up against each other, you could tell the difference in intended audience and intended purpose the same way the Dolce 1st album, Nade Nade, and the songs of the LNs do respectively. Even if there is some basis to ground Kazufuuma, for the purposes of this essay I’ll be acting under the assumption the 1st album falls under the Non-Fantasy equivalent category.

THAT WAS A LOT OF PREFACING CONSIDERING LIKE 2 PPL WILL PROBABLY READ IT I just have a tendency to anytime I do anything analytical lay down ground acknowledgements for myself to work on just...cuz it makes me feel less guilty for any accidental misinformation even if I’m writing towards my future self to read lolll IM SORRY WITHOUT FURTHER TO DO HERE’S THE BRAIN DUMP

First let’s go ahead and establish why it needs to be recognized as an important relationship. Again, I’m a Kazuki stan. He’s my favorite character not only of Dolce but also of the entire Honeyworks series, and as much as I love him for reasons outside the ship, whether you like it or not Kazufuuma is an essential aspect of his character and narrative. Of course there’s the fact that him and Fuuma are childhood friends, so that’s going to in part define their characters and interactions with each other and those around them. They’re both going to be relevant to one another and important to one another’s stories to an even greater extent than the rest of the members of Dolce. But on Kazuki’s side at least, it’s an EXTREME amount. A running plotpoint in Dolce Diary is the sheer amount of dedication Kazuki has to Fuuma and how much his thoughts and decisions are influenced by Fuuma, whether it be how he feels happiest spending time with Fuuma, how he decided to get his piercing to represent he wanted to protect Fuuma, how he doesn’t want to dislike food so he can eat what Fuuma dislikes, etc. Not to mention running jokes about his borderline overprotectiveness and downright possessiveness of Fuuma, how proud he is when Fuuma gets praised, or that one 4koma that literally explicitly states he can read Fuuma’s mind when he thinks motherfucking ‘dirty thoughts’ about his childhood friend (Fuuma). I still don’t know what the fuck to make of that last bit. Genuinely. Or the fact it’s a fucking running joke. As in it’s not a one off. It’s been brought up multiple times. Kazuki what the fuck. 

That’s not to say that he doesn’t have character outside of Fuuma or he doesn’t interact with people other than Fuuma. He’s great friends with Sara, Girisha, and Kippei and is shown time and time again to have fun interactions with all of them, generally acting as the best support friend for every member of the group, not Fuuma alone. For instance how he helps Kippei with his self confidence issues or stays over at Sara’s to protect him from a cockroach (which he fails at lol). Nor is that to say all his interactions involving Fuuma focus solely on his devotion to Fuuma, especially in instances where the manga focuses on Dolce as a group dynamic (though even in that setting there are times where jokes about his devotion are thrown in). He’s kind, he’s stupid, he’s friendly, he’s an amazing character in his own right, and I love him for all those reasons. But that doesn’t change the fact a major part of his character and his character interactions are rooted in Fuuma, and arguably some of his most interesting, eccentric, and notable behaviors and traits revolve around Fuuma (again the mind reading for example).

Hell let’s take it one step further. If you look at the character bios of the Dolce members, you get everyone’s motives for being an idol and interests. Of them, Kazuki is the only one to have another character mentioned directly, not to mention that supporting Fuuma is explicitly stated to be his primary motive as to why he became an idol. Not even Fuuma’s sister is mentioned, though two arguments can be made for this. The first would be that Fuuma’s backstory about wanting to fulfill his dream for himself and his sister was decided later to explain Fuuma’s choice to crossdress though it can be argued it was intentionally done to leave it as a reveal at a later date, to which I would argue I don’t think this backstory was a choice in post. While Fuuma’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra exploring that backstory was released a little less than a year after Dolce was revealed, the preview to set up Fuuma’s backstory was actually the first thing released after the character bios on the Dolce Official Twitter page if you exclude a drawing of Dolce from Yamako. The second argument could be that information about his sister was intentionally withheld to set up the reveal when Fuuma’s extra released to explore it. However, going by that logic (which I do agree with), that would also mean that Fuuma’s inclusion and importance in Kazuki’s character bio also set up his dedicated extra, which I don’t think would be incorrect to assume considering what his actual extra turned out being.

Which brings me to the thing that makes it inexplicable to write off the romantic implications behind Kazufuuma: Kazuki’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra, Suki. I shipped Kazufuuma before even knowing of Suki, sure. But the fact that Suki even exists is a shock to me and drove into me the fact that Kazufuuma wasn’t just my own projection. Again, it’s not a surprise that Fuuma shapes Kazuki’s life. They’re childhood friends, of course they’re going to be important to each other. But this extra explicitly brought Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma under a direct spotlight. At first I was thinking oh, this extra was just to acknowledge the fact that Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship can have romantic implications, but the end of it the conclusion that we got was that it didn’t matter what type of “like” he felt for Fuuma. Originally, I thought it wasn’t anything more than saying there are all types of like, and it doesn’t always need to be explicitly defined, but I appreciated the fact they were aware that they were writing Kazuki in a way that conveyed romantic implications. 

Then I thought about it because, again, I love Kazuki of course I’m going to think about his character extra, and realized...that’s not how these character extras have worked. There are only three character extras out as far as I know and have read: Fuuma, Kippei, and Kazuki. If we look at Fuuma and Kippei’s, each extra had a conclusion, sure, but they didn’t have a resolution. Rather, they were simply setting up explicitly what each character’s primary character arc and conflict were. Fuuma’s extra brought attention to the fact that he’s particularly a crossdressing idol by exploring the motives behind it. His choice to be a crossdressing idol is constantly under fire both by himself and the world around him. He’s not immune to those who consider his crossdressing strange, and a part of his story is both finding people who accept his decision to crossdress and to succeed for himself as a crossdressing idol. It’s an essential part of how we understand and define him as a character and it’s a central part of how he interacts with the world around him. For Kippei, it lays the severity of his insecurity under the spotlight and his journey and motives for improving himself. Again, this isn’t something isolated and resolved in the extra; his extreme insecurity and negativity is constantly affecting how he interacts with practically everyone from his fellow Dolce members to his fans despite the fact in all honesty? He’s fucking insanely talented in his own right, his own brother mentioning how smart he is and how he has amazing reflexes. For Kippei, his negativity is an essential part of how we understand and define him and central to how he interacts with the world as much as Fuuma’s decision to crossdress is to him.

Which brings us back to Kazuki, of course. In his dedicated extra, in the chapter that’s supposed to explore and establish and bring attention to an essential part of his character, the aspect of himself under investigation is how he feels about Fuuma. It’s not just how he behaves around Fuuma, it’s explicitly an exploration of his feelings, on top of the fact it’s explicitly an exploration about whether or not he likes Fuuma r o m a n t i c a l l y. Literally the conflict is spurred on by someone outright asking “Do you like him?” and having to clarify “I mean romantically.” What they decided to focus on for Kazuki’s character and emphasize and establish is that Kazuki’s like towards Fuuma toes the line between friendship and romance. His ambiguous feelings towards Fuuma (if we leave them inconclusive as Suki did) are just like Fuuma’s crossdressing and Kippei’s insecurity in the sense the weight of whatever those feelings may be are seen in how he interacts with the world around him and influences his behaviors. It would be another story if they introduced the potential and shut it down all within the extra, because then his central conflict would to me be less directly open to romantic potential and more simply about how his arc was meant to explore the dynamic of the behavior of an extremely dedicated best friend. The fact that he may be romantically attracted to Fuuma or may be only platonically dedicated to Fuuma is instead something that looms over Kazuki in the same way Fuuma’s decision to crossdress constantly looms over him. It’s what Dolce wanted to point to and say this is Kazuki’s central character conflict and central arc: exploring what type of feelings he has towards Fuuma. 

Sure, it can be argued that there’s only three Dolce Diary character extras, there’s not enough to be sure about that being the purpose of the extras unless we get the other two’s extras. First, at this point I honestly don’t know if or when they’re going to release an extra revolving around Sara and Girisha just because not only has it been over a year and a half since the latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Kazuki’s) was released despite the gap between the first and latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Fuuma’s and Kazuki’s) were within a year of release but also because the Dolce 4komas and comics they’ve been posting to Twitter have decreased (last one being over half a year ago) potentially due to them deciding to focus on releasing Dolce manga content through the purchasable volumes instead. (This is not particularly related to the Kazufuuma argument, just wanted to put out there my two cents on what Sara and Girisha’s extra/focal arc would be. Based on a large part of the Dolce Diary in conjuncture with Can’t an Idol Fall in Love, I’d argue Sara’s would be his journey to regain his passion for performing, and if it’s not that I’d say it’d be coming out of his self-imposed isolation and opening up to people again. As for Girisha, I have less of a concrete idea but I’m assuming it’d be something pertaining to how people often misconceive him whether it be in tandem with his determination, his optimism and sociability, or his stupidity/ability to ignore those misconceptions and work past them. But Girisha is treated like the comedic relief 90% of the time so I’m not entirely sure, but his primary conflict is definitely rooted in misconceptions of him being his roadblock imo. #MoreGirishaContentPlz) That being said, I personally feel like the three are already enough evidence, especially considering it would be honestly even more cruel for Kazuki’s character-centric extra to be focusing on something that wasn’t essential to his character and character arc, anyway. And though it’s not explicitly stated that these chapters are extras exploring a central character, you can kind of tell based on how they are (to my knowledge) the only Dolce Diary updates with cover/title cards each which include their focal character front and center. So working off that fact, the Kazuki-centric chapter established that a pillar to his narrative was his feelings towards Fuuma and that those feelings are still open to romantic potential. 

But if you follow me, this is why up until Can’t an Idol Fall in Love With Another Idol’s release, I was terrified of them writing that off. I would have been ok if it was just an arc that was given attention then continued to actively work in the background, as all the character arcs have been over all of Dolce’s content. The fact that they might be giving Fuuma a love interest and giving Fuuma a love arc while Kazuki’s feelings were still up in the air and were still the primary highlighted narrative for him would have been fucking scuffed. To me, it would be like… why would they make him so Fuuma-centric to the point that even his dedicated chapter was not just focused on Fuuma but focused on the ambiguity and potential of him having romantic feelings for Fuuma, yet reduce him to being Fuuma's designated right-hand man. Don’t get me wrong, friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. But again, rather than conclude Kazuki’s answer in Suki to be that his feelings were of friendship, they left it open ended and allow audience members to be actively aware that Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma still had potential to be romantically coded. It would just be so weird to quickly close off that narrative by giving Fuuma a love interest as opposed to letting Kazuki conclude it himself. It would be fucking beyond frustrating for me, at least Eventually, I kept trying to drive my hopes that they would explore Kazuki’s narrative at all down to the ground because it was a Fuuma-centric novel; maybe if anything they’d explore those feelings in his own novel after the fact. But then they kept having little drops here and there of Kazuki being even the slightest bit relevant and I’d go back to questioning “Are??? They??? Is this on purpose??? Do they know what they’re doing or are they just doing this because Kazuki’s just so important to Fuuma as his best friend that he’s there as his right-hand I genuinely can’t tell???” And um. Welp.

Safe to say Can’t An Idol Fall in Love sold me on the fact that they know what they’re doing LOL. And to anyone who thinks that Kazuki’s feelings can still be read as ambiguous in CAIFILWAI as opposed to explicitly romantic - whether it be due to a fear they may pull the “I like him as a friend” card or due to the disbelief that they have an explicit mlm main character in the Honeyworks series - I’d like to cover any bases that may make you think this way. If you think it’s just Kazuki acting like a protective friend, why do you think he calls Yui a rival? If you’ve only seen the MV and think it’s ambiguous or can be taken as the "likfe" for friend, then does that mean you think Yui’s feelings toward Fuuma are also ambiguous or as a friend? With the way Yui responds, she is trying to rival Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma. She and Kazuki recognize whatever feeling it is that they hold towards Fuuma, both of their feelings are the same type. I don’t think most people would argue that Yui’s confession about Fuuma was one of pure respect and friendship. Plus, if anything I’d argue of the three characters in the MV, Fuuma is the one whose feelings are left the most ambiguous despite him being the central character. It’s heavily implied that he may be forming feelings for Yui, but nowhere is it established either in the song or in the MV, especially if you compare it to Kazuki and Yui’s declarations or if you compare it to Sara’s feelings for Uru in Can’t An Idol Fall in Love. Fuuma’s romantic narrative here is trying to figure out how he feels for Yui, while for Kazuki and Yui they’ve established a rivalry because they both have mutually established they like Fuuma romantically.

If the MV isn’t enough for you and Suki isn’t enough for you for...some reason…??? You can check out the snippets of the light novel which the wonderful takanenene translated: one which revisits the conflict set up in Suki and one that covers the confession scene in the MV in more detail. If the fact that the conflict set up in Suki (aka the lurking feeling of not knowing if all he felt for Fuuma was only platonic or more than platonic) was specifically reestablished in the LN for anyone who didn’t keep up with Dolce Diary didn’t tip you off that it was something important, his behavior in the confession scene as depicted by the LN definitely should have. He’s possessive about his spot by Fuuma’s side. He doesn’t want that spot to be taken by anyone else. Even if he knows that they can help Fuuma, he wants it to be him. And this line: “Kazuki then trails off his words, quietly saying ‘That’s why…’ and then gave Yui a slightly painful smile, his cheeks turning red,” before he declares Yui a rival and states he likes Fuuma. If you can tell me you read that line and are still on the fence about Kazuki’s “like” towards Fuuma being romantic, please message me and I will see how I can get through to you. Like it wasn’t even just a romantically coded confession. It’s just a romantic confession. That “like” is romantic. And I’m so proud that he’s not only come to understand for himself how he feels, but that he’s confident enough to ask the person he sees as a romantic rival to speak in private and not only clarify her feelings for Fuuma but before she can even do that firmly establishes that he loves Fuuma with conviction. Kazuki my boy I’m so proud of you. *sniffs*

And that’s it for establishing Kazufuuma as at least canonically one-sidedly canon and why there’s not only no reason to deny it but also why denying it is a fucking disrespectful move towards Kazuki. He’s a character, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact you shouldn’t write off his struggle to come to be convicted enough to say it out loud. This has been something weighing on him at least a year, if not more (all I know is it started when both he and Fuuma were in some year in middle school). And as a character in a piece of media, I’ve been saying this the entire time, but brushing it off as non-romantic is literally chucking a fucking pillar of his character’s story into the gutter. And to those who may be saying Kazuki’s confession came out of nowhere and is pandering reread this entire fucking essay again I dare you to do it and tell me to my face it’s pandering. Again. Writing off the buildup as pandering is disrespectful to him, disrespectful to his character and narrative, and disrespectful to the wonderful people who have been creating Dolce so diligently and have crafted this narrative for us. Saying his “supposed feelings” and “ambiguous confession” is pandering is like saying Fuuma’s crossdressing is pandering which. If you say either of those I will find you and I will shank you in the fucking gut. Even if you’re not fully into Dolce, recognize these characters are actually very well developed and executed amazingly, as per every Honeyworks character that has come to exist. I don’t blame you if you weren’t aware of the weight of Kazufuuma, but now that you read this I hope you are. That’s mainly what I needed to get out there, but as follows will be me more exploring how Kazufuuma has been built up and generally waving my hand off at where it may be going. If you want you can dip, thanks for reading up to here because I know I repeated a lot because it’s just. So important to drill into your head and has been something I’ve been hung up about constantly. LOL

As for where exactly they’re taking it from this point on, I honestly don’t know. In all honesty, I didn’t even expect them to take it the direction they did. But honestly, I think the direction they went with it is really interesting and better than I could have imagined, in my opinion at least. Honeyworks never ceases to amaze me with their storytelling and narrative choices, and I don’t think there’s any that stand out to me as being severely questionable that they haven’t reapproached at some point down the line. And, again, I think they’re treating this with a lot of care and deserved respect. So I’m just gonna be gushing about how smart they set it up and how smart they’ve been executing it and maybe my own hopes on the direction it could go.

Whether they make Kazufuuma reciprocated I have no real clue or bearings, but to me my gut reaction is they will. Of course, I’m biased, but again if you trace things all the way back to 2018 and step through Dolce’s content and growth from there, I’d say even if they didn’t know if they could execute it like this and see it to fruition, I’d argue that Kazufuuma has been at least heavily implied since the beginning as a relationship they wanted to explore from both sides of the relationship. Obviously I brought up Kazuki’s character bio already, but if you look at the *goes to count* 5th Dolce Diary update already has a joke jabbing at the fact that Kazuki is technically Fuuma’s type (and the way Kippei and Kazuki excitedly react is so cute). The fifth update. And as stated before there are tons of Kazufuuma moments in Dolce Diary, whether it’s played for comedic effect or played straight (and this is post Suki but oh my god I’ve said it before I’ll say it again get yourself someone who looks at you the way Kazuki looks at Fuuma oh my jesus). But song-wise, I mentioned the one Dolce album song I would bring up is Nade Nade and this is where it comes! 

Not only is Nade Nade specifically focused on Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship as opposed to the whole of Dolce despite being the first song, it included the setup/preview of the Fuuma-centric extra prior to the full release of the Fuuma-centric extra itself and was released early as fuck. Literally between the 6th and 7th update to Dolce Diary. Sure, it could be to isolate them as a duo for marketing purposes (they’re very often the two promoted idols together if the whole of the group aren’t included), but the way it’s established as a perspective song as opposed to a general idol duet is what fascinates me. Anyone who didn’t know about Dolce prior and only followed Honeyworks for music would be first introduced to these characters through this song alone, and maybe this is where my Kazufuuma bias comes from but I was one of those people LOL. I thought it was just a cute one-off relationship that they had set up for the purpose of a song and that it was an implied friends-to-lovers story that would never get a conclusion. Also I mistakenly thought Fuuma was a girl oop-. In the full context of Dolce, this song in part helped establish Fuuma and Kazuki more solidly as a unique duo out of all of Dolce, but it also specifically explored through Fuuma’s eyes just how much Fuuma recognizes and appreciates the unwavering support Kazuki gives him to follow his dreams as he wishes. For Fuuma, he loves Kazuki too, though whether it holds any romantic potential in the same way Kazuki loves him has never been explored to nearly the same extent. But Fuuma appreciates how Kazuki’s remained by his side and does everything he can to support him, so Nade Nade explores how his way of expressing his love and thankfulness to Kazuki is by never saying that he needs Kazuki by his side. He’s glad Kazuki’s always been there for him, and his reciprocation takes on the form of being ready to unwaveringly support Kazuki and not ask for more than he already has, even if it meant Kazuki would be leaving his side, despite the fact that he really does wish they could remain together forever just as Kazuki does. The one point he lets himself say something vaguely close to always wanting to stay together, he gets a surprised expression out of Kazuki and says an ambiguous “suki dayo.” Of course, this it much less romantically coded than what we get from Kazuki in Suki and CAIFILWAI, but there is an interesting emphasis put on it nonetheless. Keep in mind, this is all established through the song, which released long before not only Fuuma’s character-centric extra released but also Kazuki’s character-centric extra released, so there is at least a substantial setup for Fuuma’s feelings towards Kazuki’s being strong as well and possibly grow to be reciprocated one day.

I think for me the most fascinating part about Nade Nade is how they tied it back around to Can’t An Idol Fall In Love with Another Idol. Again, without remembering Nade Nade, I still thought CAIFILWAI was brilliantly explored and executed, even if some people would have preferred no love triangle. But honestly, revisiting Nade Nade makes me trust even more the direction they’re taking with this. Whether or not they make Kazufuuma canon mutually (which. Even if they for some inexplicable reason didn’t I’m going down with this ship.), I’m sure they’re putting a lot of thought into the story, because the last bit of Nade Nade directly parallels the misunderstanding that arose from Fuuma mishearing the Kazuki and Yui. Fuuma is resolved to support Kazuki in any area he’s given the chance, and that explicitly includes if Kazuki had some girl he liked, which is what he assumes is going on. The fact that they tied this back around in the form of a misunderstanding was really really smart and Honeyworks is always so good at parallels and references back to their older songs, but for some reason I didn’t expect this. I don’t know how to say why, but the fact that the song that started it all, kicked off both Dolce and Kazufuuma, was directly referenced both visually in the MV with a cameo at the start and narratively despite the central dynamic being predominantly explored in this story in particular was that of Fuuma and another potential love interest and involves said potential love interest for some reason makes me think that (sorry Yui) this is all planned out for Kazufuuma in the grand scheme of things. That being said, I don’t know if me thinking it was planned all along is just me with shipper goggles, but the idea it’s come full circle nearly 3 years later is not shipper goggles and a very very well done parallel in my opinion, whether this trajectory was their plan for Kazufuuma from the beginning or not. Just wanted to gush about that some more. 

There’s more I could go into especially if I went into specific details about interactions or specific implications established in Honeyworks' Dolce content about different characters that would be fascinating to explore in relation to and under the lens of Kazufuuma, but I think this is uh...plenty long enough. Plus, I doubt you'll stop seeing Kazufuuma posts from me so those ideas will probably just be miniposts or somethin.

Back to the overarching point of this segment, idk what they’ll do with this story in the end, but do I think Kazufuuma will canon? I’m used to looking at ships that aren’t explicitly apparent with a sliver of skepticism, but all things considered (as I stated before) yeah. I don’t see reason why they wouldn’t now that they’ve explicitly identified there is a romantic dimension to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like to me, the setup isn’t something that would be written off as unrequited? And this doesn’t have to play into why I don’t think it will canon, my personal opinion on the Fuuyui relationship (again albeit through the lens of a hard Kazufuuma shipper lmao) has it’s own merits and is really cute, I find it cute in the way I found Koyuhina cute. I personally never really shipped Koyuhina, and especially since they slipped Kotarou into Ima Suki Ni Naru I was more curious about who this kid was and how he played into things I didn’t really see Koyuhina as something that would come to fruition. Similarly, there’s more importance in the overall sense on Kazuki than there is Yui (considering he’s one of the 5 original and focal members of this generation of idols, this would be natural), as well as the fact there’s just way more foundation and exploration in Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship than there is Fuuma and Yui. As for how much of a balance there is inside the LN itself, the fact that they seem to have spent a substantial amount relaying the foundation of Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship and re-exploring it (at least in Kazuki’s perspective) at all on top of how much content there is covering their relationship prior to the LN ever since Dolce’s origin just feels like that relationship holds more weight. Pretty much Kazufuuma feels more established as a priority in general. The way I personally hope Fuuyui plays out is whether they wind up holding mutual feelings or not or whether Fuuma doesn’t feel that way towards Yui is they get a relationship akin to Kotarou and Arisa. Albeit, Kotarou and Arisa never viewed each other in a romantic light, but they had mutual respect and solidarity. That’s the type of friendship I hope comes out of Fuyui. And considering there hasn’t been a break-up in any Honeyworks’ canon relationships (nor do I expect there to be… they’re all perfect for each other LMAO) it would actually be interesting if Fuuyui get together but don’t endgame and Kazufuuma is established as the inseparable endgame after some realization or another, though I don’t expect them to go that route nor do I know if that’d be the best way to go about it anyway. Also final point, Honeyworks seems to have a thing for childhood friends trope anyway soooooo owo All in all, don’t know where they’re taking it, just excited to see where it goes. 

TL;DR of this *counts* 7 page essay, stan Kazufuuma. Not gonna proof this. Maybe I’ll edit and repost but yall are getting a confusing clusterfuck of ramblings over 2-3 hr periods of me writing across 3 different days at around 5am each day. Uh. If you got this far like and subscribe and-- jk plz reply to this mammoth anywhere you see fit or tell me if you have stuffs to add or counter or whatnot I like hearing people talk about Kazufuuma ;w; I am Kazuki and Kazufuuma brainrot can you tell after reading this? No? Lemme just remind you I’m K--

[rosella-writes]

writing tag game

Thank you so much for the tag @noire-pandora, @kittynomsdeplume, @melisusthewee and @emerald-amidst-gold <3

Whoooo boy, here we go.

How many works do you have on AO3?

17, but quite a few are just one-shots. I only have a couple long-fics, mostly because my poor ADHD brain is cruel to me.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

190,052, but if I hadn't orphaned my old (and embarrassing) Skyrim and Sherlock fanfics it'd probably be closer to 300,000.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

honey just put your sweet lips on my lips - 579

i couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted - 56

a fuller feeling (a brighter burst) - 54

Eunoia - 40

i'd wanna be felled by you, held by you (fuel the pyre of your enemies) - 39

(And to be perfectly honest, my most popular fic is by far my worst. I spend so much more time carefully crafting for Eunoia than I do anything else, but the little following it's picked up has made it worth more to me than all the kudos and comments on "honey.")

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! I used to be terrible about it, mostly because the vast majority of comments I once got was hate (I wrote for a weirdly unpopular wlw pairing). Now I make it a point to respond to every single one when I can, even the short ones, to thank them for taking the time. It means so much.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It was a drabble for the r/dragonage writing thread, actually! The premise was a font in the Black Emporium that would show your OC the outcome of a decision made differently. I wrote Eliana Lavellan from Eunoia discovering what would have happened if she'd fought with Solas in Crestwood until he told her the truth... and its outcome was worse than the timeline where he left her and kept his secret. You can read it here (it's about 1200 words, nice and short).

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

My various Solavellan pairings don't get happy endings. Evelyn Lavellan was more of a narrative tool to explore Solas with, so her ending was cut short. Eliana doesn't have her ending yet, but it will be bitter and painful. My happiest ending was for my Bella/Rosalie pairing for Twilight - Bella became a vampire and lived happily ever after with her wife.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't, unfortunately! Since my days on tumblr and FFNet, S*perWh*L*ck left a terrible taste in my mouth when it came to crossovers. I'd be open to it one day if I can find fandoms chill enough.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

As I previously mentioned, yes. In my Bella/Rosalie fic, I made it a point for Rosalie to love all the parts of Bella that weren't conventionally beautiful. My Bella is also a dark-skinned black woman, and the intersection of racism, colorism, and misogyny where it concerns attractiveness was something I thought worth including because I didn't see enough of it in fic. I wanted to highlight all the things that don't get enough attention or are actively reviled, like hyperpigmentation, stretch marks, natural hair, soft bellies, areolas and vulvas that aren't perfectly symmetrical or small, pubic hair and armpit hair and little hairs around nipples - things that I love about AFAB people! I got a lot of comments on my smut chapters calling Bella disgusting, or me nasty for choosing to include those traits. I deleted every single one.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

So much. I love exploring pairings or power dynamics that people wouldn't necessarily consider, like a strong female warrior Lavellan domming Solas, or Solas topping Blackwall. I wanted to show a black woman in an interracial relationship with a white woman where she got to be soft and loved gently, where she got to be quiet, bookish, and looked after instead of expected to be the loud, strong stereotype that we pin black women into. I wanted to show the power of masculinity in an elven mage who loves a warrior woman (Solas/Cass), or the nurturing side of domming in a relationship between a pan giant and a bisexual elf (Iron Bull/Solas).

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, tbh. I turn up to fandoms a decade late, so usually by the time I get any traction the fic-stealers have done their dirty work and leave me alone.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I haven't! I hope to one day write a fic in Greek for my best friend, though. They deserve to read about Solas in their mother-tongue.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, but have done some plotting with aforesaid Greek friend.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Solavellan, absolutely. Any variation, honestly - I've loved m!Solavellan, f!Solavellan, as well as any variation including nonbinary, trans, or other interpretation of the relationship. Solas sees and loves the spirit, and I love the idea that its vessel doesn't matter so much to him. I headcanon him as a he/him agender bisexual, for what it's worth.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I've technically marked i couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted as complete, but it cuts off right before Adamant and was intended to be a full Solavellan story. However, I just didn't care for my rogue f!Lavellan OC very much, and didn't think she matched Solas well. I developed an OC that I enjoyed writing much better and rolled with it. So, I'm sorry Evelyn Lavellan, but your story is frozen with the two of you happy in bed. Solas will never break up with her so long as I don't write that part, right?

What are your writing strengths?

I love dialogue and crafting character voices! Getting a comment that I've managed to portray a favorite character so well that they can hear their voice in their head as they read? Priceless.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Exposition vs description. I want to show instead of tell, but developing the right environment for a scene can be tough for me. It's so much easier to write that the characters are cold and the ground is wet than to wax poetic about dripping leaves and frosty air. But I'm working on it.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'm obsessed with it. I love little bits sprinkled through that make sense with context, and culturally speaking it would feel wrong not to sometimes! I'm also the type of person that's always been obsessed with languages, and instead of becoming fluent in one I've learned a smattering of a whole lot. So any opportunity to sneak in some French, Welsh, German when it makes sense? I'm taking it. And don't even get me started on Elvhen or Qunlat because I will sprinkle that shit like biodegradable glitter.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Okay I'm gonna flout this question and just write my fandoms in order:

Sherlock (circa 2010 - 2014)

Skyrim (2016)

Twilight (obsessed from 2005 - 2010 but didn't write for it until 2019 or 2020 when Midnight Sun released)

Dragon Age (March 2021 and easily the most fanfic I've ever written ever)

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

My favorite one to write was probably i'd wanna be felled by you, but my favorite to reread is Eunoia. It's most likely the most honest, least presumptuous thing I've ever written, and it's easily the longest thing I've ever attempted. I'm very proud of it.

As far as tagging goes, I've been very rude lately with it by tagging people late in the day, or tagging folks that I haven't tagged before, and am still refiguring out tumblr etiquette (since I haven't been here since the days of the skeleton war and the Mishapocalypse lmao), so presume if you see this you're tagged to participate. With no expectations nor pressure, though, I'll tag @dreadfutures, @varric-tethras-editor and @blarfkey if they'd like. <3

[slashermom]

I love the childhood friend HC's big-time! Amazing! Perfect! Maybe you could do one for Bo too? Possibly with someone he met during his foster kid years(who wasn't a foster kid themselves)and they eventually find Ambrose with the hope of finding something?

Bo was born with a chip on his shoulder and stiff upper lip which only intensified as he got older and eventually went into the system.

He wasn’t there to make friends and made it clear he didn’t need anyone to take care of him.

His ‘me against the world’ attitude made it very difficult for him to keep a foster home for any period of time.

But on his third or fourth go-around, he found himself in a neglectful but nice enough home.

The folks there didn’t really care about what Bo did or where Bo went, which was like hitting a pot of gold for the young boy.

Which is how you two ended up meeting.

You lived across the street and you two would often see each other as you were going about your day.

You saw Bo frequently and you didn’t think you had seen him smile once. Always had his hands in pockets and a 1000 yard stare.

Maybe he wants a friend? That must be it! He’s just lonely. You had never seen him hang around with any of the other kids in the neighborhood either. If he did, it was to start a fight or chase some poor girl around.

You ended up being very wrong. He, in fact, did not want a friend.

When you tried to approach him he told you to: ‘Fuck off and let him smoke a cigarette in peace.’

What an asshole.

But you weren’t gonna quit that easy.

Maybe you could win his friendship? Come to think about it, he often had a bent cigarette hanging out of his mouth; and your folks often left cartons of cigarettes laying around and wouldn’t miss one or two.

So you waited for the right moment when your folks were out and about and snagged some cigarettes off the coffee table. You waited till you saw Bo descend the front steps of his house before exiting your own.

You quickly caught up with the ball of anger that is Bo Sinclair and tried your best to match the long strides. He did his best to ignore you as you dug into your front pocket and produced a pack of cigarettes and held it out to him.

He stopped walking and turned to you with furrowed eyebrows.

Were you trying to bribe him into doing something sketchy? Maybe you had a little crush? No, that can’t be right. You were definitely trying to poison him somehow. Bo was genuinely convinced you might’ve somehow rigged the tobacco filled stick to blow up in his face once he brought a flame to it.

But you just shrugged your shoulders and said you just wanted to do something nice.

Something nice, huh?

Nice things were few and far between and Bo decided to take it in stride, even if he was apprehensive.

You took his grumble as a sign of appreciation and only mild annoyance and began to follow him around.

At first, Bo was irritated with you hanging around him. Just because you gave him some cigarettes and he didn’t give you hell immediately didn’t mean you were friends.

But soon enough, he came to accept your presence. You evolved from an annoyance to a part of his routine.

He would wait outside your house with the most disinterested look but secretly he was excited to see what you had in mind for the day.

You quickly realized that Bo liked to look for trouble. He hated sitting still. So you began to try and steer him away from the groups of older boys that needed an ass-kicking or the nice Pontiac that was begging to be taken for a joy ride.

You knew Bo did that stuff for attention, so you just devoted your free time to distracting him.

Bringing him down to the creek or racing him on bikes through the town. Letting him rant about anything that was bothering him and laughing at the way he described the people that bothered him. (Bo gets very creative when it comes to name-calling.)

You even once brought him over for dinner and he was so well behaved that your family thought he was the best thing since sliced bread.

Always saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, calling your folks ‘ma’am’ and ‘sir’.

You were happy he was behaving, but it was almost infuriating how fast he could flip the switch from asshole to angel.

You: You're such a kiss ass!

Bo: Only when a meal is involved.

He often talked about his home town Ambrose in his more docile moments.

Not really the people or his family, although he did mention a couple of brothers every now and again.

But more about every nook and cranny. All the places that made him happy or had a good memory attached.

He would vocalize his fantasies about what he would do when he got back. A look of longing with sparks of rage flashing in those blue eyes you had grown familiar with and you couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

You wondered if that’s where he got the scars on his wrists. You hadn’t noticed them at first, but as you got closer you often caught yourself staring at them. You knew he would never outright tell you what happened.

Your money was on his birth parents.

“You could come with me, y’know? I’ll show you around and maybe you can help me clean up that shithole.”

He only made side eye contact. He didn’t want you to know he actually cared.

“I’d like that a lot, Bo.”

Not long after that discussion, Bo lost his temper on his foster family and found himself getting ready to be placed back into the system for god knows how long this time.

There was no formal goodbye between you two before the Sinclair boy was off to terrorize another foster home.

You were angry at Bo for a long time. Thinking he didn’t even care enough about you to at least see you before he left. It wouldn’t surprise you. But you believed Bo was better than that.

You learned he wasn’t given the option to say goodbye. The system workers already knew Bo’s temperament and were way past giving him any leeway.

But boy, did he fight to stay.

Everything in his whole life had been decided for him and taken from him. Then when he finally gets something good - something that’s his - that’s taken too.

It would be a little more than a decade before you set off to find your childhood friend. Wondering if Bo Sinclair had found his way back home, you decided to try and find his home town.

But that proved to be little more than a challenge. You had seen the signs talking about the House of Wax Bo had described a few times but not like they gave clear directions.

You ended up stopping at a diner to see if any of the staff knew about where you could find this town but nobody really had a clue. Fortunately enough for you, a scruffy looking man leaning against the counter overheard.

“You talkin’ about Ambrose? I could take you there.”

You conversed with the man for a bit, telling him he didn’t have to go out of his way to take you there. He promised he didn’t mind at all and you let the man escort you. He did give you some weird vibes but he seemed harmless enough and you needed to find this town.

He made small talk while you drove down the dirt road. You admitted you were looking for an old friend of yours by the name of Bo Sinclair. The man piped up at the mention of the name and gave you a toothy smile.

“Bo havin’ friends? Now that’s something you don’t see every day! Especially pretty ones.”

You laughed and nodded. The way he talked about Bo with such familiarity, you wondered how they knew each other.

He brought you through the washed-out road and into what you assumed was Ambrose.

It was just as Bo described it. From the service station to the apartments.

Your chest got tighter as he drove deeper into the town before stopping in front of what looked like a movie theater where a man was on top of a rickety-looking latter.

The driver hopped out of his truck before hollering up at the man who was adjusting the sign.

“Bo! You got a visitor!”

You were quick to hop out of the vehicle and get closer to him. Eyeing the boy you used to know so well as he descended the shaking latter.

On the final step down, he removed a cap from his head and wiped the sweat from his hairline, getting ready to ask his brother what he was going on about before his eyes met you.

A beat passed as you both took in each other. You admired the strong young man he turned into with a smile and he was just as much in awe of who you turned out to be.

“You still need help cleaning up this shithole?”

Bo was quick to wrap his arms around your midsection and pull you up into him. He thought about you more than he cared to admit over the years. Wishing he still had you around to be his accomplice to all his shenanigans. He even missed your playful punches and slaps.

As he breathed in your perfume/cologne and felt your chest vibrate with laughter he began to think you returning to him was the universe’s way of saying sorry for screwing him over for the past couple of decades.

You were the first to pull away and take a small step back to get another look at him before perking up and reaching for your back pocket.

“I got you something.”

He raised his brows just like he would when he was a boy and watched as you pulled a package of favorite cigarettes out.

Even after all these years, you were still the same, and Bo was more than thankful for that.

[smokeybrand]

Mutiny

I’m not a fan of Joe Rogen. I find a lot of what he says to be problematic as f*ck but the way he says it, is FAR more damaging. Dude pushes some wild, dangerous, nonsense under the guise of “free speech”, disingenuous “debate”, and insidiously leading questions. Rogen is the Frat Boy version of Tucker Carlson in a lot of ways and that sh*t just doesn’t appeal to me. Beta males who think too highly of themselves listen to this due and take him seriously. These are people who are not self-actualized, who’s entire personality is based on their car or their sneakers or some other superficial bullsh*t they confuse for a personality, and that’s what Rogen’s entire show is; Superficial bullsh*t. So when he pushes dumb-f*ckery like “Don’t get the shot if you’re young and healthy”, these idiots who are either teenagers or have the mentality of teenagers, f*cking listen and we have a spike in cases. Because Joe Rogen said so.

The other day, this asshole bought into that whole “White Fear” sh*t, talking about how the Straight White Male is the most persecuted demo in America and i just groaned. This is the same exact sh*t Carlson does on his show, verbatim, just slightly less racist. It’s the current strategy of what is fast becoming the American Fascist Party, Republicans. It’s hypocritical f*cking nonsense and i hate it. How the f*ck would Joe Rogen, a Straight White Male with a whole ass podcast, be silenced or censored or persecuted/ He’s a multi-millionaire with one of the most popular platforms on f*cking Spotify. How the f*ck would any White person, especially Straight White Males, get silenced in the US? The bones of this country are built to uphold a very specific form of White Supremacy. Hell, cats talk about all these rights and liberties but, in the very beginning, those rights were only extended to White Male Landowners; basically Rich White Men, and guess who the f*ck Joe Rogen is? The constitution had to be amended to include every one else which means this country was designed to be a haven for objective White Supremacy. The fact that they replaced Straight with Rich is just a misnomer used to broaden that division and you have assholes with real audiences buying into that dangerous bullsh*t, disseminating that poison to their followers. And they just drink that persecution complex kool-aid, up. It’s f*cking absurd.

The irony in all of this is the fact that the country is getting younger and browner. Statistically, by the time Gen Z’s kids come of age, we’ll outnumber White people. The margin will be slight but they’ll be the overall minority in this country and that’s why we have all of this fear-mongering and treasonous tantrums. That system the Founding Fathers built to protect their power, is falling apart. It's all a matter of time. Why do you think they're fighting so hard to keep DC and Puerto Rico from becoming actual States? I can guarantee those cats who signed the Constitution never anticipated the influx of melanated people over the years, interbreeding with their lily White sensibilities, or the homogeneity desegregation would bring to society or the way Black culture ended up shaping the entire American zeitgeist or how the Internet just blew the doors off any illusion US citizens had about our true status in the world at large. I was born in 1984. Ten years before i existed, the South was still heavily segregated. My generation, the Millennials, were the very first to be completely free from the social consequences of the Civil Rights Movement. We were far enough removed from that to just see people, not race. I was exposed to so many more cultures, religions, and people, as a kid, than my ma had been when she was young. It wasn’t like, all of a sudden, we were singing kumbaya together, but it was definitely a start, one that has only gained more and more momentum as the Generations who came after mine, started coming of age in a world whose borders are just ceremonial at this point because of the Tech age.

I met my chick and made friends across the globe in a chatroom. One of my closest friends lives in New Zealand. Another stays in Finland. My birthday twin lives in England. She’s a year older than i am and has a beautiful family. My Puerto Rican sister met her dude around the same time i met my chick. He’s from Alabama. She moved from the island to be with him and they've settled down in Georgia where they share a beautiful daughter. My best friend became so close with an Asian girl from Australia, that he adopted her as his own sister. They spoke at least twice a week for the next fifteen years, all the way up until he passed away. The world is much smaller, much clearer, than it has ever  been before, and it turns out that it’s full of color. Color these Straight White Men are, apparently, terrified of. That’s got to be it. That’s got to be why they’re throwing these big ass tantrums and constantly fear-mongering about it. I don’t understand. When Brie Larson said what she said, it was the truth. There are THOUSANDS of films about White dudes you can watch. The entirety of film history is Straight White Males. What is so bad abut getting some chicks or People of Color or some LBGTQ representation in a few leads? Why can't we have strong Black performances in movies where we don't play the “magical Negro” or f*cking Slave? Why can't we have an all Asian cast when the principals aren't constantly fetishized? What is so terrible about giving a role to a Muslim that isn't linked to some ridiculous terrorist trope? Who’s really offended by this and why are they so goddamn fervent about it? Straight White Males, bud.

It’s because their grip on the reins is slipping. The power and the privilege they’ve had for so long, too long, is started to tip in the other direction. The playing field is, ever so slowly, evening out and these Straight White Males are losing their sh*t. They’ll talk about “being racist against white people” and “it's fine to interview everyone but hire cats who are qualified” with one breath but then absolutely savage voting rights directly focused on crippling the Black vote and desperately cling to the idea that 45 still deserves to be president, even though a steady stream of his criminal incompetence has been flowing out of the the White House since he’s left. The level cognitive dissonance is f*cking hilarious. It’s as bad as the GOP complaining about “cancel culture” while literally silencing Liz Cheney. Are you f*cking kidding me? I gotta sit here and listen to a very vocal minority complain about the direction of the MCU because they’ve decided to add a plethora of female and POC roles going forward into Phase Four. They keep asking “who's this for?” and it's obvious it's for everyone, not just Straight White Males. That, to them, means it's going to be bad. Just because the focus has shifted from three White dudes in leading roles, suddenly the MCU has lost it's way. It’s like, all of a sudden, just because the MCU wants to represent their audience as a whole, not just a narrow and shrinking part of it, we’re not supposed to trust in Feige anymore. Are you kidding me? The Green Knight is slated to be another massive hit for A24. The cat who wrote that film was bounced from studio to studio because he created that story specifically as a vehicle for Dev Patel and no major studio wanted to make it with him in the lead. Dev Patel is a f*cking Oscar winner and a brilliant actor but this movie, draped in surreal and beautiful imagery, driven by a visceral, bloody, focus, wasn’t going to get made because the lead this plot was specifically written for, happens to be brown. But Straight White Males are the ones being silenced? Okay, bud.

Joe Rogen is a symptom of a greater problem and it’s the problem of White Fragility. White Fragility fuels the worst of our society. It's the genesis of racism and bigotry. It drives Nationalism and is fertile ground for cults of personality which blossom into whole ass dictatorships. These motherf*ckers are in they’re feelings and will burn this country to the ground if it means they will stop getting their way. Brie Larson calls out the ridiculousness of the race bias in Hollywood? They attack. Arizona flips Blue because Indigenous people and Black folks come out to vote in droves? Voter fraud and four recounts, one months after the election has been called and Biden has already taken office. Jordan Peele says, out loud, to the entire country, that he’s not interested in telling stories with White people in the lead? Shadow banned from Hollywood. Dude was the toast of Hollywood after Get Out and Us. He said what he said and cat's been trapped behind the camera as a Producer ever since. It’s nuts because these people complaining about how hard it is to be and how unfair the current social climate is to Straight White Males, have called Twatter NPCs whiny, SJW, children, for years. Bro,you’re the same, just racist! You are the Trump to their Obama. You are the thermodynamic reaction to their Civil action. You assholes are arguing the same merit, just on the opposite ends of the spectrum so, if they’re whiny assholes, wouldn’t you have to be, too? The only difference is that the Twatter assholes have a zeal for inclusion while you Rogen Bros have a penchant for White Supremacy and, given the choice, I'd have to agree with the Blue Checkmarks in this regard.

Straight White Males have had the run of this country since before it was a country and look what they’ve done with it. Look where we are, right now, in the year of our lord, 2021. This is as far as we have come under their stewardship. It’s time for a new captain, i think. Sorry if that hard truth hurts your feelings. Now please steer us away from those very obvious rocks. I’d rather not violently crash into that reef and sink into a watery grave before we can get our hands on the wheel to right this ship, all because you assholes are in your feelings, thank you.

[aceofwhump]

Submitted by anon:

Hey! 

Sorry if this is all just a rambling mess or too personal to even be asking you in the first place (if so, please feel free to ignore away) but I’ve been questioning a lot lately whether or not I might be asexual & I was just curious about how you knew you were? I keep going through moments (especially after reading about other people’s experiences in the whump community) of thinking for certain that I am but then I end up thinking things over and doubting it.

I can say for certain that I do find people hot/handsome/attractive/sexy/yada yada but I can’t really tell whether that’s in a sexual way or not? I don’t really ever look at a person & think ‘god they’re hot, I’d love to f*ck them’ but then surely nobody does that without establishing a relationship with the person first, right?

Most of the time I’m not really ever instantly attracted to a person (if you showed me a photo, for example and asked me if I found that person hot I’d probably be pretty indifferent) but (and this is mainly in regards to celebrities) once I’ve been familiarised with them and their personality and seen them in a few things, say interviews and movies or stuff, I may develop an attraction to them (this is particularly true when it comes to seeing actors getting whumped, I find that most of my attractions form that way tbh).

Of course there’s the odd occasion where a person may be undeniably attractive & aesthetically pleasing and I’ll be attracted to them on the offset but it’s rarely the case.

Other than that, despite maybe a couple of people that I’ve found kind of  pleasant to look at, I don’t think I’ve really ever been attracted to anyone I’ve known in person, at least not in that way.

Also, whilst sex scenes themselves don’t neccessarily make me uncomfortable (can’t say I get the appeal but it doesn’t really  offend me in any way), if there’s a scene involving the nudity of an actor that I’m attracted to (as in full frontal) it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I guess that could just because it feels like an invasion of privacy as opposed to anything else though. I’ve been occasionally known to watch certain things to deal with particular urges and nudity doesn’t bother me then so I have no clue why it does in other situations.

I’ve also never had a relationship or been intimate with anyone in any way, nor can I say that I’m particularly interested in having one/doing so. I’m kind of introverted & socially awkward so maybe that’s a factor but I also don’t know if my disinterest in relationships is related to the whole concern & expectation of having to have sex with someone. I also don’t even know for certain that I’m 100% against the idea of sex. The thought of sex is not really something that appeals to me & I feel like I would happily die without ever experiencing it but I also wouldn’t say I’m entirely repulsed by it? I’ve occasionally daydreamed about characters doing the deed (never myself with anybody else though).

Also, this final part may will sound extremely cheesy so I apologize in advance but sometimes I see characters being all soft and adoring and affectionate with eachother and I kind of think f*ck man I want that. That could just be the whumper in me always seeking that comfort side of things that is so lacking though or maybe it’s just me thinking I want it because it’s supposed to be what everyone wants in life.

This was only supposed to be a short ask and instead you got an entire essay of me rambling about myself ahsgshsh, I’m so sorry! My mind is literally a mess😂.

TL;DR Idk I’m just very confused 🤔

Mod reply below:

Hi hun!! Don’t worry about a long message cause my reply got just as long lol.

I'm really glad you felt comfortable coming to me with this and I'm more than happy to help if I can!

First let me tell you a bit about how I worked out that I am both asexual and aromantic (this might be a jumbled mess so I apologize in advance for that)

So I found asexuality in 2014 and pretty damn quickly accepted and knew that I was asexual. I went through the tumblr tag (back when it was full of people’s experiences and feelings and so much positivity) and related strongly to other asexual people’s experiences. Some of those things included:

Not wanting kids

Having absolutely zero interest in ever having sex. Can go my whole life without and be just fine thanks

Not once have I seen another person and thought about having sex with them

Thought sexual attraction was either a myth/made up or only developed after you knew the person for a long time

Don’t understand why people on tv break up with each other over sex. It’s not that important, right?

Thinking people are “hot” or “sexy” but that just means aesthetically pleasing. Like a painting.

Having a sex drive but would rather take care of it myself than have sex. It’s like an annoying itch. I get annoyed, I scratch it, it goes away, I’m good.

Avoided sex ed whenever possible because I was uncomfortable with sex.

Don’t read smutty fanfic.

Sex on tv makes me uncomfortable not aroused.

Why are people obsessed with butts??? I don’t get it.

Hate when main characters get together in tv shows because that usually means they’re going to have sex and WHY DO THEY NEED TO HAVE SEX?? Isn’t love enough? I don’t get it!!

The idea of getting married and having to have sex with that person that night is horrifying.

All the universal asexual symbols and things that the community has. Like the playing cards, the black ring, the aces love cake, aces love pizza, that stuff. I loved and agreed with every single one. I know the other sexuality do this do but I never saw those, laughed, and went “yeah that’s me!” Just asexuality.

It only took a day if researching before I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was asexual. All these experiences and feelings my fellow asexuals felt really fit with my own experiences.

HOWEVER

My aromantism was a lot harder for me to pin down. I think I went through 4 different romantic orientations before working out how I felt. It was all so confusing and I couldn’t tell what was romantic, what was sexual, and what was neither. I didn’t understand it at all and I spent a long time confused. With sexual attraction I knew I didn't feel that. Never once felt that desire to have sex with a specific person. Not ever. But romantic? I thought I had felt that. Couldn't be sure though. I'm sure now but back then I was very confused. I started thinking I was hetero-romantic because I was only every "interested" in guys but it didn’t quite feel right. Next I found the word cupioromantic which was you don't feel romantic attraction but you still desire a romantic relationship. I wore that label for a short time but once again it wasn’t quite right. Every time the possibility of a relationship into my life I ran cause I didn’t want it. Next I found lithromantic which is you feel romantic attraction but as soon as its reciprocated it goes away. I thought hey that’s it! But I finally I took a very hard look at myself and my interactions with people and what it was I actually did feel and decided that I was truly aromantic. I just didn’t want to be labeled as such because I was a huge romantic and I felt like this label meant I couldn’t have one. It took a while but now I know that isn’t true at all. I know now that I don’t actually want a relationship but I want the closeness with someone that being in a relationship entails. I can get that with friends. I went through the times I thought I had felt romantic attraction and tried to fit them into the attractions above. What I felt for that one girl in my English history course? Yeah that was platonic? That actor I think is super hot? That's aesthetic. I'd love to just cuddle with and be touched by my one friend? Sensual. The one guy I dated? Yeah I only dated him because he liked me not because I felt anything for him.

Other things that helped me realize I don’t feel romantic attraction:

I have had one boyfriend my entire life (high school, lasted 10 months) and I hated it. I didn’t like holding hands with him. He asked to kiss me and I told him no. I thought (still do) that kissing was gross and no way did I want to do that. I hated when he kissed my cheek or held me too long. I didn’t understand his strong emotions toward me nor did I understand why people dated. I didn’t get it. I didn’t like it.

I have had fake crushes/faked “they’re hot, would totally hit that” because I thought i was supposed to feel that way about people. Everyone had crushes or wanted to kiss and have sex with someone else. I never did. Didn’t get it.

I thought a crush was someone you chose. Like, I thought you went “That guy/girl is funny and nice. I now decide to have a crush on him.” But apparently that is not true at all.

I have no desire to get married or date. In fact I prefer to live my life without it.

I’ve never looked at someone and felt or developed what can be described as romantic feelings.

Those times I thought I did were really just platonic feelings. I wanted to be their friend. Not their girlfriend.

I think whumperflies are the closest I’ve ever come to feeling something akin to sexual attraction but I personally don’t classify it as sexual attraction. I also get that feeling seeing someone get comforted and being soft and affection and wanting that. For me, I think that’s me being touch starved af. I’d love to have someone to cuddle with and have it not be sexual or romantic. Sounds like maybe you do too. And that’s okay :)

Based on your words and feelings I'd suggest you take a look at the following terms. They might help you pin down how you feel. They certainly helped me

Demisexual/Demiromantic: where people only experience sexual attraction to folks that they have close emotional connections with. In other words, demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after an emotional bond has formed.

Gray Asexual/Gray Romantic: in which a person may only experience sexual attraction on occasion

Sex repulsed/neutral/positive: How you feel towards sex and/or having sex. You can be positive about it, feel repulsed by sex and sexual acts, or be completely neutral about it

Sexual attraction: looking at someone and wanting to have sexual content with them.

Romantic attraction: wanting to have a romantic relationship with a certain person.

Aesthetic attraction: thinking someone is pleasing to look at. Appreciating their appearance.

Sensual attraction: wanting to touch/cuddle/be physically close to a person.

Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with a person

To me it sounds like you could be demi or gray but it’s ultimately up to you. If you feel like any of those terms fit you then don’t be afraid to accept that label. And if you change your mind as you learn more about your self and want to use a different label then that’s totally cool! Like I said, I went through 4 different romantic labels before finding one that fit. Try things on and see how it feels for you.

I also suggest checking out some of these blogs because I found them really helpful. @asexualityexists @asexualfacts @asexualawarenessweek @acejokes @thehumorousace @outer-space-aro-ace @a-spec-tacular @life-of-an-asexual

You can also feel free to scroll through my main blog asexual tag if you want. http://thewanderingace.tumblr.com/tagged/asexual

I don’t know if any of this was helpful or not but if you have any other questions don’t be afraid to message me! I’m happy to help where I can!

[samclownchester]

The day is June 15 2020

The time is 3 am

The situation is that the world has fallen into a pandemic of Covid-19, and my job closed down in March, leaving me with lots of time on my hands. Despite my doubts, I fell back into Supernatural, deep into it, and I am now rewatching it. I thought it would be fun to try and see how much I could remember from earlier seasons before I watch them all

I have watched up to 1x14 at this point, so those episodes are fresh in my mind, but lets see what else I remember

Season 1

“Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a few days”

“Saving people, hunting things, the family business”

Sam’s girlfriend dies just like his mom did

Their dad is the point of the season but is only actually in like 3 episodes

Sam and Dean break up but get back together

Sam has VISIONS and moves things with his MIND

Meg is a demon, Sam has a bit of a crush on her

They find their dad, but don’t kill the demon

colt

Season 2

Dean dies in a car crash, John sells his soul for him and dies

Bobby Singer is best dad

Ellen and Jo and Ash exist

Purple Nurple

Gordon?

Lots of psychics! Sam can make friends??

Jk, it’s the hunger games

Sam gets stabbed in the back

Dean sells his soul for him

They kill Azazel I think??

“I have … demon blood in me?”

Season 3

Saving Dean from his demon deal

Groundhog day episode where Dean dies everyday

Gabriel?? (trickster)

Blonde Ruby (let’s hear it for Laurel Lance!)

Very short because there was a writers’ strike that year

Hell hounds

Season 4

Dean was “gripped tight and raised from perdition” by Castiel

Sam has a new gf! (Surprise, it’s Ruby in a new body! :o)

Why does she pretend to not know Dean when he first shows up? Is she lying to Sam about who she is this whole time?? Hmmm I wish I remembered

Time travel?? (Sam doesn’t get to come ☹ )

Demon blood

Demon blood detox ☹

Let’s kill Lilith

“Because it had to be you Sam”

“The boy with the demon blood”

Season 5

Dean is the Michael sword

Sam is messed up, trying to quit demon blood

Cas rebelled, and he did it, all of it, for Dean

Adam Winchester is a person who exists

Also I think this is the season with Jesse the antichrist who never shows up again it’s fine.

He only existed so they could have important conversations about nature vs nurture which honestly they should’ve just saved from when Jack was born but they didn’t know that was gonna happen

More time travel??

Future

Cas likes drugs

Team Free Will

Samifer

Fall into the cage

Dean goes to live with Lisa and Ben

The end?

Season 6

Cas is working with Crowley and spying on Dean but not talking to him like the pining idiot that he is

Dean can’t help but inspect monster happenings in town

Soulless!Sam

Dean finds Soulless Sam

Hanging out with some old dude?

Get Sam’s soul back

Meet Death?

Find out Cas is working with Crowley

 O: Ultimate betrayal

???

Season 7

Leviathans

Godstiel?? Why?? Idr

Hallucifer

Please give Sam therapy

Sam goes to an asylum

Cas takes Sam’s trauma??    

More leviathans

Dick?

Charlie!

Kevin!

Garth? Did we know him before. Idk, we know him now

Dean and Cas go to purgatory!

When does Cas die and walk into the lake? That’s before they go to Purgatory, right? Hmmmm but how does he come back

 Cas is Emmanuel and has a wife? Is that in this season?

Season 8

Dean gets out of purgatory!

But no Cas

Sam had a girlfriend and a dog! Nice!

Not nice, he ignored Kevin and didn’t look for Dean

Like they agreed on, but whatever ok sue him for trying to be happy

Dean has a vampire boyfriend

Not so high and mighty about killing every monster are we now, huh Dean?

Right? I don’t remember, this is a conversation that happens though

He does end up killing Benny though, doesn’t he? huh

Cas is back from Purgatory! But he’s got Secrets ™

“I’m gonna become a hunter”

Then he stays in the old folks home and next time we see him he’s all wacky and likes to watch the bees?

Megstiel

You’re just playing sorry

Am I right?? I don’t remember, but all of this happens at some point

Who even is the big bad? What are we fighting? Idk

Oh we have to save Kevin from Crowley and he reads the demon tablet. Only eats hotdogs, doesn’t shave. I love him please keep him safe.

Spoilers, they don’t

Right! The trials, Sam does the trials, they “purify” him

The angels fall, but Sam doesn’t complete the trials and almost dies.

Season 9

Sam almost dies, Dean is like “right, nonconsensual possession is clearly the best answer for this”

Human!Cas, he drinks lots of water. Steve.

§  “you can’t stay here” :o

Abaddon I think?? What was the point

Crowley is sort of our friend now and I think we meet Rowena? Idr

Kevin dies ☹

“What is the upside to me being alive” – Sam

§  Maybe in this season, maybe not. Who knows?

Cas is a cannibal (eats grace) and becomes and angel again at some point

§  Hannah exists

We all hate Metatron

Cain??

Metatron stabs Dean and Sam puts his dead body on the bed

Demon!Dean

Season 10

Demon!Dean and Crowley are living it up!

Sam and Cas try to cure Dean

Charlie and Rowena interact a lot I think

Book of the Damned

When did they find the bunker? Men of Letters? All that? Idr, anyway they have it at this point

Dean kills lots of people

Charlie dies ☹

Dean blames Sam which is unfair and I hate it

They get the mark off and The DarknessTM is release

Season 11

The Baby episode exists

Really weird sexual tension between Dean and Amara while she’s still kind of a child, no one knows why. Please stop.

Cas gets called expendable and then makes poor life decisions

Lbr, though, Misha is the only other one who can play Lucifer with the same spirit as Mark Pellegrino. Sorry Jared, it’s the truth.

Eileen!! <3

Chuck is God :o

Let’s kill Amara!

Except we don’t kill her, she just needs to bond with her bro.

Here, have your mom back

Season 12

Mom????

British Men of Letters

Lucifer F*cks

Boy I didn’t think this would turn into what it did, let me tell you

Winchesters escape from Federal Prison

Cas says “I love you”

But like, the plural you. No homo.

Sam admits he lost his drive to lead, then finds it again and leads hunters against the dang brits! Hooray!

Oh shoot Lucifer wants custody of his kid!

FIGHT

Fatality – Castiel

Fatality – Mary

Oh no wait she didn’t die she’s just trapped.

Season 13

Jack jack jack jack jack

3 dads, all at various levels of dadding

Actually 2 excellent dads, one dad who is too emotionally damaged to dad but he tries sometimes

Yeah Cas pisses of a cosmic entity. That won’t come back to bite him

Jack just wants to be good

Wayward sisters was not picked up which sucks

Apocalypse world

Rowena is our friend now

Custody Battle!!! Who wins? Not Lucifer

We saved the day! And a ton of people

Literally they made a whole deal of the people being like “We won’t leave our home or our cause” and then they got back to Sam and Dean’s world, didn’t have archangel grace and were just like “meh, actually this place is cool. We don’t have to worry about going back”

Psych! We’re not done yet! Luci wants his kid

And Michael wants his planet

Season 14

Michael! Dean

Jack dies

But it’s ok, we fixed you, just don’t use your powers

Oh shoot he used his power

Nick is somehow alive

In love with Lucifer

Burn his ass!!

Oh Mary disapproves

RIP Mary

RIP Dean being a father, now he’s gonna murder

Hi Chuck, nice of you to show up

Oh no.

Season 15

Chuck sucks

Dean and Cas break up ☹

Sam has visions again

But he’s not psychic, it’s just the piece of his soul inside Chuck

Resurrect your girlfriend! Yeah!!

Jack is eating hearts, but it’s ok, Death told him to do it.

Garden of Eden?

Get your soul back boy!

 And cry

Honorable mentions (Aka these happened but idr when)

Sam falls in love with a werewolf and then has to kill her and MAN Jared really brought the tears

AU where Supernatural is a TV show

Finding out Supernatural is a book series and the author is Chuck!

Crowley becomes helpful mostly

Crowley has a son??

 Meet grandpa

Ellen, Jo, and Ash die

Bobby dies

literally everybody dies

Kill Hitler

They meet that Jewish guy with the Golem who pretended to flirt with Dean at some point.

Jimmy Novak was a devout man who deserved a lot better than he got

Claire Novak is so cool

She moves in with Jody

When do we meet Jody? She’s just always kinda been there?

Gabriel, I don’t remember anything about Gabriel

The council of the Gods’ happens and then I think Gabriel dies in that episode?? Idr

The Four Horsemen

Death, Pestilence, War, Famine

“You’re not hungry Dean”

 I literally do not remember what was happening with these guys

Also, they killed Death, killed a reaper, that reaper became the new Death. I remember when all that happened I just didn’t feel like putting it in the timeline.

[zora-moyashi]

First

Prev      Next

ZM

chara takes a deep breath and says bye to killer. she follows calarie. 'oh damn. we didn't get to check out this moth guy shatter! that's not goodd....'

Core

‘I read the King’s mind, and first of all, he’s a bloody asshole.’ Olympia said, actually cussing

ZM

'well great. any other tidbits i should know?'

Core

‘They are a variant of Dream, a fully corrupt one, even nastier than Nightmare. They seem to have lost their sentience, and attack any form of light, so they put-‘ Calarie put a glowing collar around Chara’s neck. ‘That...’

ZM

"hey! you can't give the other side this much of an advantage! do you guys even want to see a fun fight?" she wines

Core

“She won’t attack otherwise, sorry, believe me I am.” Calarie says, leading Chara to the arena

ZM

she sighs. 'screw this' steps into the arena.

Core

Venus unwrapped herself from Chara’s arm, ready to fight.

ZM

chara's soul starts to pound 'oh man...' the sun is practically gone and she's the only light in the arena. sense a little extra time she prepares a purple web and sets a couple points.

Core

A dome formed over the arena, as her save points glitched away. A door on the other side of the arena opened

ZM

(not save points the blue/green sling shot things) she got ready to jump as soon as she sensed her close. 

Core

A blur shot towards her, grabbing Chara by her sweater and pulling her into the air, only then could she see her opponent, who had large moth like wings

ZM

chara's left hand grabbed onto moth's shoulder tightly and she formed a knife in the other slashing at where she thought her neck would be.

Core

The knife broke. ‘Kick away! Kick away!’ Olympia told her, Venus had one of their wings in her jaws.

ZM

she does as she's told with orange around her legs so she doesn't break them with the force.

Core

Venus was able to rip the wing off, making both fall to the ground

ZM

"owwww" she tries her best to get up but she's super jarred from the fall.

Core

Venus helped her stand, after swallowing the wing of course.

ZM

after getting up, moth lunged at her which she barely stepped away from. 'why'd that break my knife? is her armor that strong?' she makes a shield and defends for a second.

Core

‘It’s the same coating as Nightmare’s, so it absorbs impacts and magic, and uses it against whatever makes contact.’ Olympia explained. ‘It also means that my powers are useless against her.’ Moth was very unsteady, unable to use her wings to balance

ZM

'well that's fabulous.' she hops behind moth and after making a new knife she stabs into the area that the wing was ripped out

Core

Moth screeched, trying to shake Chara off her back as the knife dug in

ZM

'can you burn her now?' she grabs onto her hair and climbs on her back digging in as much as she can.

Core

Venus opened her mouth, breathing fire, burning Moth alive inside her own coating. “Incredible! You saw it here folks! The child was able to defeat the Moth!” The announcer said.

ZM

"woah... what?" she hops off the shell. and looks around as the dome is opened back up. 'how is it over already?'

Core

‘Hold on..... Look there.’ Olympia said, spotting a particular winged watcher.

ZM

she pulls at the light color and it actually releases when she does. 'what?' she looks over trying to focus.

Core

It was Ink, she was watching them. 

ZM

'well well well.' she solutes to ink and spins on her heel going to the opening, not wanting to interact.

Core

‘Why is she so interested in you? Did you do something to her?’ Olympia asked. 

ZM

'hey, not everything is always my fault. she just appeared when i was training the kits.' she goes though the gate and it closes.

Core

(Well..... She has seen how close Chara is to Killer and shatter, but she has difficulty manipulating those two) Calarie met her, having one of the devices to remove the disc. 

ZM

"hey i did it! you impressed?" she grins. 

Core

“Very, you did a good job.” She gave a smile and removed the disc.

ZM

it clinks to the floor, she really wants shatter off of her arm but thinks better than to rip her out right now. "thank you, thank you." she bows and heads back up the stairs to where killer was.

Core

Calarie sighed, “good job helping her, Scarlett.”

ZM

she stops and looks back at calarie kinda surprised she knew but kinda shrugs it off anyway. "she's missed you, shatter i mean." she continues up

Core

Calarie smiled and walked away, Shatter came off of Chara’s arm, leaving marks where the roots were

ZM

"here's hoping no one will make me go into another match because it was 2 on one. or more like 19 on one"

Core

“Yeah, I guess it was, wasn’t it?” Shatter said.

ZM

"mhm." they get to the top and she goes up to killer. "i lived b*tch~"

Core

“To my disappointment.” Killer hissed, The red king wasn’t there

ZM

"did you see ink in the stands?"

Core

“Can’t see, remember?” Killer said. “As for the squid, she can f*ck herself.”

ZM

"i know killer, i thought you might have sensed her but ey. and yeah my sentiments exactly."

"so shatter and i have to stay for another day or she'll explode. wanna hangout?"

Core

“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” Killer asked

ZM

"i mean yeah no you don't"

Core

“I figured.” She said, getting up. 

ZM

she grins and glances back at shatter.

Core

Shatter gave a thumbs up.

ZM

 \(oI u Io)/ she makes a face like that and grabs killer's hand and grins up at her. "i'm sorry i'm a pain."

Core

Killer flinched at the touch and pulled her hand away. “....don’t worry about it, I’m not perfect either.” She said. 

ZM

"yep~ no one is, but it's always better to be not perfect together." she turns to shatter and starts to walk back down the stairs. "yeah shatter, you wanna go talk to your mother figure or should we just lay low until the day's up?"

Core

“Best to lay low...” she said, trying to convince herself. “There is a house about 3 blocks from here, old owner died, I’ve been keeping it tidy, perhaps we can stay there?” Killer asked.

ZM

"i'm down for that." she leads down the stairs and through the halls back to where they came into the underground area.

Core

Killer followed, but not too closely.

ZM

chara looks back to shatter who seems hesitant. "you sure you don't want to say hi to calarie?"

Core

“Just.... could you two wait here, for like 10 minutes tops?” Shatter asked, with a nervous smile. “I could wait all bloody night, us genocides are nocturnal anyways.”

ZM

"I second that, take all the time you need"

Core

Shatter nodded and ran off. Killer reached into her coat pocket to grab something. 

ZM

 Chara glances over at what yuma's doing

Core

She took out an small orange container and took something out of it, before putting whatever she took out into her mouth and swallowing. 

ZM

"....what's that about" she cocks her head

Core

“It keeps me stable, I ran out when you found me.” Killer said.

ZM

"oh, well what's wrong with your soul than?" She sighs. "If you don't want to answer you don't have to" she says a little annoyed.

Core

“Nah, I’ll tell ya, you’re gonna find out later anyway.” Killer shrugged. “A being is only supposed to undergo so much trauma, it will break a living thing until that living thing has no will to live, even it’s body will soon no longer wish to heal, scars can’t heal after all. So it just keeps hurting, it continues to chip away. The pills keep my soulstone from breaking itself. Make sense?”

ZM

She blinks with her mouth agape. "Yikes. Who makes these pills?"

Core

“One of the people who work only for that red *sshole, so I have to come here to get Them.” Killer said. 

ZM

"well that's not ideal. Do you come here to fight sometimes? The king seems to love your fights"

"Or are you only able to get the pills by entertaining? "

Core

“Yeah, But that’s just because I find a way to actually enjoy doing it. I play with my prey, pretty risky, yeah, but worth it in the end.” Killer shrugged. 

“Nah, I also do favors.”

ZM

Chara nods, "least you enjoy it. Shatter seems to hate every part of being here"

Core

 “I wouldn’t blame her, to be honest.” Killer said. Shatter returned, with a hint of a smile on her face

ZM

 "yeah i heard what happened, pretty grousome stuff.""now that shatter's got closure let's get to that house"

Core

They went to the house Killer led them to.

ZM

chara steps into the house it's pretty dusty and barren but other than that it's pretty nice.

Core

“Sorry for the dust, been a while.” Killer said, going to tidy up.

ZM

"it's all good" she plops down on a fluffy couch

Core

It was a two bedroom home, everything was all in order, even the lone bookcase in the living room.

ZM

"how do you keep people from taking your house? you know, sense you're almost never here."

Core

“Snapdragons work well.” Killer shrugged, 

ZM

".... what does that even mean? you have guard dogs that are flowers? this is the face of confusion."

Core

“Exactly.” Killer said. “They’re in the dining room of you wanna see them.”

ZM

"heck yes." she hops up and goes into the dining room.

Core

She saw a vase of plants, with flowers that looked like the heads of Chinese dragons. One spot fire at Chara. 

ZM

she hits the fire away with her own fire. "well aren't you guys cute." she goes closer. "a little strange though, not gonna lie."

Core

Killer came in, with a container of jerky. “They like this stuff, if you feed them, they swear you are their best friend in the whole world.”

ZM

chara smiles and takes some. handing it to two of them.

Core

They fought over it, playing tug of war with it before a third one snatched it. 

ZM

 chara chuckles and pats the one who stole it's head. and around that time there's the sound of the front door opening. chara looks over questioning even though she can't see from here.

Core

Shatter glared at the intruder, the snapdragons made hissing sounds, like that of a hissing cockroaches. 

ZM

it's the guy she turned into ash about 12 hours ago now. his ashes did glow afterwards but chara wasn't expecting him to ever get back up. he's not compleatly put together but here he is, half falling apart and standing in front of the one who tried to kill him. "fancy meeting you here shatter." his voice seems a bit healed

Core

Shatter’s eyes glowed orange, a sign she was pissed. Killer could feel the room temperature rise “If you burn anything I am going to beat you.” She hissed. 

ZM

"i heard you cheated in the arena, seems there's a bunch of confusion over who get's the prize money on their bets." he kicks at the ground.

Core

“Not my concern.” Shatter hissed. Killer listened closely. 

ZM

"you say that, but you still have the tracker in you. because you so rudely decided to attack me, i've given out your tracking number to some of my 'friends' they don't know anything about you or how much you're worth so don't worry about being ambushed or some sh*t. what they want is a formal resignation to losing the match. i recommend you do that. or have your friend killer cover for you. your choice i suppose. i bet you wonder why i'm bothering to tell you this, i just wanted some petty revenge, so." he uncover's his hood and lets out an ear busting screech like black canary before anyone could stop him and while they're reeling from that he just goes back into the sewer form where he came. it ripped up the house a bit, some of the ceiling is now shredded and the organization it's self is nonexistent anymore. chara is on the floor shaking her head in pain. 

Core

Shatter and killer seem unaffected by the screech, Shatter went to try to help Chara. Killer growled, “*sshole.” She hissed, cleaning up.

(it them)

ZM

chara holds her ears that are ringing and looks to shatter

Core

I am so happy you have no idea

“You Okay?” Shatter asked

ZM

"huh?" she can't hear you very well. she shakes her head trying to clear it. "what was that? what happened?"

Core

“Hyper voice.” Shatter explained

ZM

"hyper voice?" she repeats to make sure she got it right. "well dang." she rubs her ear and creates a save-star and heals up a bit.

Core

Killer growled. “Damn *sshole messed up my house!”

ZM

"shhhhh killer, child in pain over here!" (i think we should switch to the kits and tonic for a bit if you agree)

Core

Shine was playing with skink, having fun.

Shade watched his sibling, seemingly protective of her

ZM

tonic is kinda stressed thinking she needs to make sure the kits don't get into trouble even though they're being completely chill at the moment. tonic goes up to killer's brother's grave and glances at it's workmanship.

Core

It was a wooden cross, held together with what looked like silk. Shade could sense Tonic’s stress. “You okay?” 

ZM

tonics tilts their head "oh, yes. I'm simply confused on what my objective is at the moment" 

Core

“Well, I’m sure we have plenty of time for you to think.”

ZM

(I think you’ll like this one the most)

ZM

who's that second to last? and yee your right! killer's looking fly. but error tho i want her back haha

tonic swipes off some dirt off the cross with their paw and turns to shade. "you're correct. i just haven't been away from shatter for this long."

Core

“Well, neither have we, from any adult that is.” Shade sighed

ZM

tonic nods and their tail flicks from side to side. "is there something you'd like to do to pass the time?"

Core

“Well, whenever mom would leave, Shine and I would normally sleep, to pass the time.” Shade explained

ZM

tonic didn't seem pleased with the idea and trotted over to shine to see her opinion.

Core

Shine was playing with Skink, who was tickling her

ZM

"shine, is there anything you'd like to do while we're waiting for shatter to come back?" she sits by them

Core

Skink crawled onto Tonic’s shoulder. “Yeah, play with Skink!”

ZM

tonic flinches as skink climbs them. tonic isn't made to sit around and is getting very uncomfortable with the vagueness of what their objective. tonic looks at skink and lightly headbutts it.

Core

Skink grabbed the jelly like flesh around Tonic’s skull with his small claws, licking his face slightly. “You know, wasn’t too smart of them to leave you three by yourselves.” (As promised, your favorite returns)

ZM

(>:DDDD ) tonic shook their head from the grab and looks around for the voice's owner. "who's there." they get defensive all the sudden.

Core

A female star came out of the shadows, she had pitch black hair with blue streaks under her eyes. “Just little ol me.”

(I can feel your excitement lol)

ZM

(a;onefo;aiejhfeoj haha ) tonic steps infront of shine. "state your business." their eyes narrow. from what tonic saw of error when they were spying on chara they didn't like the feeling they got when error was around.

Core

“I just want to make sure my sister isn’t causing too much mayhem

ZM

tonic cocks their head. "sister?"

Core

 Error rolled her eyes. “Yeah I know, big shocker.”

ZM

tonic's taken aback and clears her question. "who's your sister?"

Core

“That would be me,” a winged star said from the roof.

ZM

tonic looks over to the star questioning to theirself when she got there.

Core

The winged star looked back at Tonic, her eyes lacking any form of emotion. Error sighed. “So how long are you planning on stalking these runts?”

ZM

tonic just stared at the new star studding her.

Core

The winged star had a scarf around her neck, and fingerless gloves. “It’s not stalking it’s observing.” Ink clarified. “No, this is stalking.” Error sighed. “Why do I always have to follow behind you and clean up your messes.....” she grumbled

ZM

... "... are you here to take her away error? why was she observing us? as far as activities we've been pretty stagnant."

Core

“1- I have tried before to get her to stop her little games, she doesn’t listen to me. 2- she sees you a variable in her game.” Error said, sitting down and taking out an unfinished doll.

ZM

tonic looks back to ink. "game? as long as you don't hurt the kits or shatter i suppose it's fine for you to... watch i guess?"

Core

“You expect me to follow your rules?” Ink asked with a somewhat sarcastic tone. 

ZM

"....um" tonic mumbles quietly. "it's not a mater of expectance. more of a status you should uphold if you wish to not make an enemy."

Core

“One more enemy means nothing to me.” Ink said coldly. Error took a sewing needle from her pocket, and used the strings she made to sew the doll together.

ZM

tonic sighs at ink's comment and lays on the grass watching error sew.

Core

Error made the basic shape, before pulling the doll inside out to hide the stitching.

ZM

"your sister isn't very nice." tonic states absentminded.

Core

“She just doesn’t understand how to be ‘nice’, she doesn’t understand emotions at all. Which is why she does these games.” Error explained, pulling more strings from her eyes to use as stuffing

ZM

"i feel like that's not a great excuse." tonic's tail flicks and she glances to the kits for a second to make sure they're fine.

Core

They were wrestling each other playfully. “Well, excuses or not, it’s the facts.” Error said, sewing the doll shut

ZM

Tonic bobs their head around not agreeing or disagreeing. They play with a yellow flower by their front paws a few seconds later they pick it only to place it on error'S finished doll

Core

Error gave her the doll. “Want it?”

tonic's eyes light up this would be their first gift! they nod shyly.

 Core

“Well you can have it, I make way too many.” Error sighed, handing it to Tonic. 

ZM

tonic reaches for it at takes it. They inspect it

And decide they like it and how squishy it is. The liquid around the areas that are touching the doll start to turn an aqua blue

Core

Ink watched this with mild interest. “You know, I’m honestly surprised that Killer is actually getting along with Chara.” Error said 

ZM

Tonic curls up and thinks 'how does anyone get along with chara.' "Perhaps their goals line up well?" Tonic suggests.

"Nonetheless, killer said she hates chara. As Chara hates me it seems."

Core

(I forgot also I found horror’s old design) “Well maybe they are just jealous?”

ZM

 "Chara?" Tonic pauses. "That's what someone else said a few days ago. What she could be jealous of is beyond me."

“Maybe that you have people who care for you. I know I would be jealous.” Error explained

ZM

"...Chara cares for you, you should have seen her excitement ehen you agreed to think about her offer of joining her group. May I also point out that shatter took chara on their little jurney to find killer and left me. If anything I'd think shatter cares more for her." 

Core

“Not based on what I saw.” Ink spoke up. (She has changed so much tho.)

ZM

tonic looks to ink. " care to explain?"

Core

“Well, it’s simple really, she feels responsible for Chara since she helped her get her body, but you? She could have left you without consequences, but didn’t. Scarlett sees something in you, and still refuses to leave....” Ink said, looking over at an owl.

ZM

Tonic looks over as well and gives a little wave to the owl. "I see. I belive I understand now."

Core

The owl was a light grey, with eyes that were fogged over 

ZM

 "be that as it may..." Tonic thumps her foot on the ground like a rabbit. "I've never been without orders for this long. I really want her back"

Core

“She’ll come back soon, she has to.” Ink said

ZM

 "to get Scarlett? Is there a limited amount of time she can be away from one of her parts?"

Core

“Well yes, you see...” Ink glances at the owl for a moment. “You know, it would be more entertaining to have her tell you herself.” 

ZM

Tonic shrugs finding inks coment demeaning. Entertaining being her only worry. Tonic desides to forget about it until shatter herself desides to tell them. Maybe not asking in order to get on inks nerves as well.

Core

Error rolled her eyes, “You and your stupid games...”

ZM

"i don't mean to be rude but this will probably come off that way. but can't you try to enjoy your life the way it is instead of messing with others?" tonic asks ink

Core

“I can’t enjoy anything.” Ink replied. “I’m artificial, I don’t have emotions, morals or faiths. I just see things as they logically are.”

ZM

"than why bother doing what you do?"

Core

“To gain information, and the best way of finding new data is to create experiments using controlled variables.” Ink said Error sighed. “You know it’s quite ironic, humans think I am the puppeteer because I always have to clean up after Ink, but she is the one pulling the strings.” (Remember when LJ was going to say where Killer was then went silent? She saw Ink)

ZM

tonic thinks that over and how it reminds them of their old master. "does that bother you, error?" (no. bad ink. don't be mean to LJ)

Core

“Well, I don’t really get along with people to start, especially humans, so it just gives me more reason to erase them.” Error said

(LJ knows better than to start a fight with Ink)

ZM

tonic nods. finding the sister's lives convoluted. "... question, if you wish to erase them in the first place, why do you follow your sister around to fix her messes?" tonic puts the doll behind her head. the liquid in tonic now compleatly aqua blue.

Core

“To erase the people she manipulates.”

ZM

 "but why?"

ZM

"is it fun for you? it seems like a waste"

Core

“Well, it also allows me to get rid of some of my spite.”

ZM

Tonic nods. " forgive my ignorance but are you a genocide star? Do you eat meat?"

Core

“Yes and mainly, though I like certain other things.” Error answered. (Yeah, and I also had an idea of an Aurorous tank.)

ZM

"alright." now that tonic's powers are completely aqua blue they bet that they'll be able to teleport just fine. but this will be their first time doing it and they're a little scared they'll get stuck somewhere. 

tonic also knows the coordinates chara and shatter went to so that shouldn't be a problem

Core

Ink noticed this. “I’ll watch the kits as long as you tell me what happens.”

ZM

tonic looks to the kits and then back to ink suspiciously 

ZM

"i don't think i can trust you."

Core

 “I haven’t interfered yet, have I? I have not done any harm. So why would I sabotage my own game?” Ink said

ZM

"i wouldn't know honestly. i wouldn't want them to get hurt." tonic says. they get up and thinks about how shatter makes portals and all.

Core

 Shatter seemed to always use an almost lavender colored typing, at least that’s what her eyes showed, so she used psychic typing to teleport. “If they get injured it stalls progress, which is honestly... what’s the word.” Ink looked to Error. “Annoying, frustrating, obnoxious, or frivolous?” Error replied. “Both frivolous and frustrating.” Ink Corrected.

ZM

"thought you couldn't feel stuff...?" tonic realizes that about shatter and thinks she shouldn't do it the way she does and instead thinks of gaster. "are you two okay with staying with her?" tonic asks the kits

tonic manages to teleport to the other side of the house and back getting a feel for it.

Core

“I can still know when something is a waste and find it frustrating.” Ink said watching. Shade nodded to Tonic. Error thought for a moment, “why don’t I just take you, Tonic? So you can save energy in case Shatter needs help?”

ZM

"um, if you would be so kind i would be grateful." they say to error their tail flicking side to side. tonic looks to shine to make sure she agrees with her brother.

Core

Shine was too busy playing to pay attention. Error got up and opened a portal, “ok, so I’m not the best at these, but I can get you there.”

ZM

tonic doesn't like the sound of that but they roll with it. tonic goes up to the portal batting a paw at the glitches around it. "this is safe?"

Core

“Yeah, I use them all the time, though Ink hates them....” Error explained, walking through.

Core

(So Ink hates the antovoid, it doesn’t make sense to her and can cause her system to overload, leading to malfunctions)

ZM

(serves her right, jk) tonic steps through carefully.

Core

There was a doll, a string wrapped around its arm. It looked like Ink, the string stretched across the floor of an empty white world. “So I can only really make portals to people, more specifically people who resemble the dolls I make,” Error explained as the portal closed, “so if I make one here, we go to Ink.” She said before walking the direction the string went

ZM

this intrigues tonic so they keep quiet and listen

Core

This place was as silent as it was empty, so Error and her were the only noise. They passed a few dolls before Error stopped at one that looked like Shatter. “So now I just need to make a portal here, but before I do.” She got something from her pocket, it was doll that looked like her. “If you ever need my help, you or Chara, stick this with a pin, it won’t hurt me, just get my attention.” She explained, handing it to Tonic.

ZM

tonic takes it and nods.

Core

Error opened the portal, right in front of Shatter who jumps in surprise

ZM

tonic smiles and steps through. "thank you error" as soon as chara sees tonic without the kits she freaks out a little. "where's the kits??? also you're hanging out with error??? why do you steal all my friends you little demon?" tonic is just silent to that.

Core

Shatter quickly turned into a leipard and lunges at Error, her fur standing on end to show her anger. Error moved back quickly, summoning more strings as both were now in the antovoid

ZM

chara climbs into the portal as well "hey! cut it out what's the big deal!"

Core

‘Oh only the fact that she is the one that led the hunters to my family in the first place!’ Shatter said via telepathy as she hissed, circling the Genocide Star

ZM

"okay okay yeah that sucks, but!-" she runs in between them "killing her now wouldn't change anything! right?"

Core

‘No, but I would feel a hella lot better’ Shatter hissed, jumping over Chara. Killer sighed and looked at Tonic. “I have to do all the work, don’t I?”

ZM

tonic gives a shy shrug to killer. chara grabs one of shatter's back paws when she jumped over and chara is dragged along the floor as shatter keeps moving. "okay yeah but likeeeee. she's my friend! remmeber this same thing happend with you and blood and me? she's not even the one that killed them!"

Core

Shatter kicked Chara off. Killer sighed and teleported, turning the area around them black, which immediately seemed to kick Shatter out of her form. “Okay, listen up, I don’t like doing this so I would appreciate it if you would just chill, but until then you can try and attack Error, but with my rules.”

ZM

tonic peeks through the portal. chara on the floor blinks as the landscape changed. "woah. that was cool." she looks to killer. "what is that?"

Core

“Well, you already know how Shatter and I are similar, well, I can change the rules.” Killer said simply. Shatter growled as she tried to change shape again, unable to turn into what she had hoped, she ended up turning into a Muk, but it was made of sand. ‘The hell?’

ZM

"palossand but muk. that's pretty fancy. so like... shatter" she gets up and goes up to the muk who's not moving very fast she can't help but poke it. "can you stop? please?"

Core

Shatter growled slightly as she turned back to her humanoid form. She glared at Killer. “I hate you now.” “Dully noted.” Killer said as Error teleported somewhere else. Shatter sighed and got up. “Fine, I guess I won’t get even.” She said to Chara as she went to the portal

ZM

 chara giggles at their exchange. she quickly follows shatter. "hey hey i'm sorry about that i really am! but i just i don't want to watch two of my friends fight you know?"

Core

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, but wouldn’t you want to at least get even with the ones who led the attack on you and Asreil? Even a little?” Shatter sighed as Killer seemed to recollect the black terrain before following. She pat Tonic’s head when she saw her.

ZM

"to be honest that whole mess was my fault i should have known asreil was too chicken to do what he promised. but yeah i get it. i do. but what did she even lead them there for? she wanted to kill your little village?" tonic smiles up at her happily

Core

 “No she was running from them, and happened to lead them directly to what was my home.” Shatter explained. “That’s what happened with you? I ran away from home, then sh*t happened and next thing I know I had killed everyone I cared about.” Killer said way to casually....

ZM

chara looks over to killer silently for a few moments baffled. "well damn. you're hardcore." tonic kinda shifted away from killer a bit.

Core

“It wasn’t my fault persay, I can’t remember anything after running into a version of Gaster. Well, that is until after I had killed them both.” Killer clarified. “Ok, can we just stop talking about this?” Shatter asked

ZM

chara giggles under her breath and heads away from the group a little. tonic looks very curious as to what the whole story is but is too loyal to shatter to ask for more info.

Core

“Why? I know I’m fine talking about this stuff, so why aren’t you?” Killer asked. “Well you’re more numb to it.” Shatter responded. “Says the one who’s favorite way to kill is to either suck the life from people or burn them alive. If you ask me that is sick.” Killer said

[strange-spaghetti]

☽☼ King Crimson ♪ 

I don't think I've ever seen one of my original flautist/saxophonists before, so hearing Mel Collins play, my reaction was absurd & I had no means of toning down my enthusiasm because OhMyGod! Incredible! I went berserk! My entire being: enamored & amazed. Sometimes the sax & horn levels were too low & his monitor must have been too high (& he will gesture to the s.e.). But the flute! He sounded gorgeous. Every time he picked up the flute, I was beaming. FRAME BY FRAME! Having flute on Frame By Frame was my favorite aspect of the night. That! was So! good! Belew Crimson is my favorite (sorry, Greg- sorry, Wetton- sorry, dude I can't recall the name of because frankly I only really go to that era when I want Mel, Lizard, & crazy jazz textures X)... Definitely not enough Simmons *bongk-pingk* electronic drums, but maybe that's a novel Broof thing they don't want reflected on them now. I don't know, I think Simmons is kind of just as synonymous with Crimson as mellotron... which also was very mildly done, but psyched whenever Fripp went for his keyboard. TONY! Man, too cool. What a character & a player. Maybe because of my horrible car speakers I expected the chapman stick to be louder (haha, duhmb), but way cool & sounded (&felt) beautiful on Starless. Starless was pretty shaky getting into it. &! I think, unless he was on some SERIOUS delay or loop, The Sax Was Dubbed! he went to fix the mouth piece & uhh.., sax was still playing. The dudes in front of me noticed too, so I can't be making it up. A lot of the heavyheavyheavy metal-esq jams that ya know scatters out & then collectively comes back after a few minutes to f*cking HIT you back into the song AHHHH!!!!! I was so excited to experience that. I love the long tedious & sometimes dragged bits that are Absolutely necessary to play contrast to the build up & bring back, like I get psyched watching videos of them do that & it was SO! Great to live in one of those moments. Professionals, dudes. An honest to god skill being able to do that sh*t live, in one take, right before you. Super incredible.  "Who's doing this?" Oh, my god, Alice that's Fripp! Godddddd, I love him! His way of playing is out of this f*cking world & he can make a guitar sound like a synth or a percussive instrument. A craftsman. There was this moment, wish I could remember which song, where the lights went dark red (not much stage design or lighting, which for them, works). This red presence canvased all & then there was Fripp: a vision in front of green illumination coming from the screens of his rack interfaces. (Hi, I love lighting a lot) I soaked it up. Gorgeous & the longest of my memories because the sight of it was deeply beautiful & I was just. there. Living & truly in love with life in the present beautiful moment of looking upon Robert Fripp. Not just was it wonderful to hear King Crimson songs & watch them perform, but Robert Fripp, ya know? I love his style & solo work a lot, I admire him a lot & what moves him to do what he does & practice. A lot of what he has spoken of & speaks of resonates with me & makes sense to my way of being; musically, spiritually, just being a thoughtful human being. Ah, I saw Robert Fripp. : ) Ah! & Mel Collins☆, & Tony (again) which man oh man that man. He makes everything just a little bit brighter which is funny to say since ya  know bass, but definitely a key ingredient to full pieces of music... The singer reminded me of Billy Sherwood, that may sound daft. He just moved like him. I only know of the singer because of a photo of him & pH. His voice works, & I'm for sure hard to please in that area. Singers matter, not sorry to say. Unique one of a kind instruments that time will take & alter, you can't say that about any other musical device. Like EASY MONEY! Sounded so tight! & Even from the Bah-Dee-Dow-Dow's !!!#@$##^@#$! AHHH, Yes! So happy they did that one. They did Cat Food.. which f****ck Tony! Killer! THE.THREE.DRUMS. How in the World! That was some out of sight synchronization oh my god. From the tiniest little miscellaneous percussion, they were on it! Pat was fun to watch. Rhythmic motions within the silence & of the thundering sound. Very cool... Nice piano bits that found it's way in... "No matter how closely I study it, no matter how I take it apart." Indiscipline was very different, of course no one can beat Belew, but that was really good & HAVING. MEL. THERE! ughghhh oh mygod. F*ck your composition, SAX anywhere & everywhere! Flute in any song! Give.me.it! Like flute in Frame By Frame!!! Bonkers! Absolutely mad. So in love. How can I ever listen to that song now knowing what Mel Collins has done to it?♡ ... A lot of my night was actually really bad haha. I got lost so I missed the first 15 minutes. I entered when Pictures of a City was ending : ( Really bummed. Can't recall Moonchild or In the Court just know that of course Mel Collins took 80% of my attention. I love you Fripp, but don't put an original woodwind/horn player parallel from you.... Alright: Mel Collins. The red shoes, Dig. The glasses constantly going on & off- double dig. Pretending to throw your sax, shut up! you’re still as f*cking cute as ever. Watching him adjust his equipment was cool. Fripp really didn't fiddle about with his guitar sounds if I remember correctly. Oh! except a really out of place ~groovy~ psychedelic wah-wah pedal which could have been from the singer's guitar, but that was fun. I liked that a lot. There was a guy there with a Christian Death shirt a row in front of me. When walking out I talked to him, showed him my Rozz Williams tattoo. He was heavily tattooed everywhere. This crowd felt like a bizarre scene. a third of these folks were younger & really stylized, it was kind of a spectacle to me- so many interesting looking people. & when I got to my correct seat after intermission (yeah part of being late) like the row I was in - all young. The dude next to me was f*cking good looking. What the hell is that all about? I wonder if he was like god this chick is c*mming whenever the sax plays. UGH! MEL. I hate how far I was. He would do these incredible things & it's like I NEED to "woo!" ya know!? I was so close to screaming his name because OHMYGOD! He definitely gave me a new experience. I've heard live sax/flute before (hell, I’ve recorded jazz musicians) & I’ve heard/seen Winwood's flautist/saxophonist but it wasn't really anything, even being that they were Chris Wood's compositions; it was nice, but I didn’t feel AT ALL like how I felt here- it could not compare to how moved or how over the moon ecstatic I felt for Mel Collins playing his & McDonald’s parts. Goshh.  King Crimson was one of the first bands I got into after my decade & personality shift, & I started collecting their CDS in 2016. An immense & heavily decorated atmosphere within the music, they are one of the best bands on the planet & I'm beyond happy I got to see them. I meant to see them in 2016, but I was still new to them & I didn't want to take off work. I really really really hope to see Fripp & them again. Oh, god please let me have the chance to hear Mel Collins play again, holy f*ck. (she's still on ‘im)... I haven't stopped! But i will end this here & maybe do a Mel Collins rave the next time I watch a Bryan Ferry video or listen to Camel or Chris Squire. Oh! last thing (this massive entry was written two separate days) & today I listened to Poseidon in the car to & from work & I skipped Pictures of City because I'm going to be sour about that forever, but! then after work I listened to it & %$!#$%Y@ F*ck! Mel! I really wish I got to hear him start that song off. Still too scared to look up what I missed. Next time I'm taking a taxi to begin with from the train station... I walked south of a street when I needed to have gone north... 30 f*cking minutes walking in the WRONG direction. But I made it & King Crimson was wonderful.･`✧*☆’☽゜ ...Hm, I don’t think I mentioned Mel Collins enough. Robert Fripp, who’s that?

[jerseydeanne]

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Jack Roth, London, United Kingdom, 8 hours ago Time to end this £300 million a year taxpayer funded ‘royal’ farce - Republic now. (Replies) New7883258 robzil45, cheshire, United Kingdom, 6 hours ago Why don’t you shut up yourself AmazingGrace77 People are entitled to their opinions,we are not all royal lovers and why should we be? New26153 Tiny CO2, Warrington, United Kingdom, 6 hours ago Most of the money goes towards upkeep of OUR buildings. Security. Entertaining guests of the UK and protecting our figure head and her family. Almost all of those costs would happen with or without the RF. New10166

sam my, Westworld, Togo, 6 hours ago This looks bad on the RF, why do you think she is concerned??? Let a charilty fund the so called RF, why not. Tax payers are tired the burden, so many other worthwhile projects could be funded for that money. New21164 Elle, Out there, Canada, 6 hours ago More made up trash by the DM. New7942 SmartTop, SnowdoniaSurf, United Kingdom, 6 hours ago What I find repulsive about Meghan Markle and Harry is that they use the Royal muscle with legal and the like to BULLY or “STRONG ARM” others. It is repulsive because they are not even using their own money. Funny Meghan Markle immediately started pushing “her weight around” but she is nothing more than a “TAKER” from the royal legal powers that be. New31291 Mythoughtsonthings, East Coast, United States, 6 hours ago Tourists never actually see much of the RF. I can’t imagine how much more money England would make if you got rid of the RF, opened up much more of Buckingham Palace and Windsor and other palaces. Keep the guard and the pomp and circumstance, but why taxpayers are funding these celebrity “royals” is beyond me. New22276 Janet, UK, United Kingdom, 6 hours ago She and Harry will regret not seeing him they had two years to meet him. The size he is with whatever health conditions he has mean he won’t live for long. Meghan will never be forgiven by the public for ignoring her dad. She was on talking terms with him before the wedding. She will go downn in history S the one than ruined the royal family. I hope they all go after the Queen. They have no standards look at Charles/Diana/Camilla wjat a mess that was a national disgrace why would or should we have that representing our nation. It’s time they all go away. New28252 BrandyCohen, New York City, United States, 5 hours ago Maybe this is the American in me, but thank god 1776 happened. How do you hard-working Brits do it? You pay money out of your own pocket for these people who live the posh life while you go without and subsidize it. The Royals seem like nice people, but so does my neighbor down the street. I’m sorry, but I don’t get the fascination. Americans shouldn’t become royalty. We abhor to class system. Always have and always will! New28204 sweetsexything, vancouver, Canada, 5 hours ago You guys are right! The Queen cannot decide Harry’s bride. However, the British can decide which Royal Family needs to be supported. Harry and Meghan (who shows up at least £2k for an event) need to fund themselves. But this is only a dream. Queen Elizabeth has been supporting non significant royal family members such as the KENTS. And it is ridiculous to hear that someone suggested, support Doria and Mr. Markle living and house expenses. I hope the British is not supporting Doria. But…. but… maybe RF is already supporting her since she is not working anymore. Ridiculous!!! Sleeping Britain. New9208 Pgtips2018, Ashford, United Kingdom, 5 hours ago Rubbish! It will be the ruin of the country if that ever happens. Our beloved Royal Family is what makes this country great! New12750 JR, San Francisco, 5 hours ago Great point, @Mythoughtonthings - whenever I’ve spent time in England it hasn’t been to “hopefully see the Royals”. Castles, museums, parks, cities, restaurants, etc will continue to exist with or without the RF, and I would definitely continue to visit. Over time, I’ve come to agree with folks who think that the Queen’s reign would be a good point at which to bring down the curtain on the RF, a fitting finale. She’s done a great job, but pondering the next monarchs doesn’t fill me with confidence that they’ll lead as well. At ALL. New16153 redder, Vienna, Austria, 5 hours ago It creats billions New10734 ShireView, Cheltenham, United Kingdom, 5 hours ago Jack Roth is going to be mortified. He is a red tick addict. How can you green tick him? New2434 bingofan, West, United Kingdom, 4 hours ago Lol @Jack - Check out Republic`s own poll taken in May. Only 16% of the British people would like to see the monarchy come to an end on the death of HM the Queen. Even Meghan and the US Markles will not be able to bring it down. Charles will be King. New8335 D63, Greenville, United States, 4 hours ago LoveThisLife, do tell more! New342 Aunt Ann, Forsyte Change Bayswater Rd, United Kingdom, 4 hours ago I¿m confused! Eberyone said Meghan was the narcissist. Now she tells us that, it Is her Dad who is the narcissist (one finger pointing at him, and three fingers pointing back at herself?!). What on earth does all those mean? New1682 UhOhGameOver888, Babylon, United States, 3 hours ago Bingofan, people support the Queen, that is who they support. She embodies the monarchy and that is who they are supporting in those polls. Charles on the other hand is without question despised widely and deeply. Go to YouGov . co . uk and look up Charles aggregated rating for public approval per many, many YouGOvv polls. It is -7. That’s right MINUS Seven! And Camilla’s is -20. MINUS Seven and MINUS 20 is ABYSMAL. Big Ears may go for broke and force through his coronation after HM passes but he won’t be on the Throne long. Either he will step down for William or the monarchy will end. The BRF will never survive a King Charles and Queen Consort Camilla. New1258 mforever, London, United Kingdom, 3 hours ago Aunt Ann - A true narcissist has a complete lack of insight and will often portray themselves as the victim when they are in fact the villa in. Mr Markle has consistently been portrayed as a shy, humble man in stories from several years back and until today. New354 mforever, London, United Kingdom, 3 hours ago Aunt Ann - A true narcissist has a complete lack of insight and the narcissistic perpetrators typically portray themselves as the victims. Mr Markle has consistently been portrayed as a shy, humble man in every story written about him describing him from years back until today. New337 SenseMaker, Seattle, United States, 3 hours ago That means Like Father, Like Daughter. And an apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. When I read it, it’s such an irony that she calls her father narcissist when she’s also one. LOL New862 LightDweller, Bournemouth, United Kingdom, 3 hours ago Harry, you and your grotesque wife need to go. Neither of you are fit to represent this country. New895 Xbox-vs-playstation, Virtual world, United Kingdom, 3 hours ago So when Cornyn said the same thing DM readers hated him. Now the royal family has someone brown they dislike the royal now New416 UhOhGameOver888, Babylon, United States, 2 hours ago Brown. … What a joke! Meghan has lighter skin than many Anglo people. And SHE’s the 0reo who narrowed her nose, straightened her kin ky hair and hides it with wigs, dates only Whyte rich men, and has one sole B la ck friend (Serena W., who is really more of an acquaintance than a friend). She has never affiliated herself with any B l ack community-focused work, centrist or otherwise, despite claiming to be an “progressive activist”. She is the biggest r@ce passer ever. She only turned her “Royal” wedding into Amateur Night at the Apollo Theater because it fit her R card agenda against the Royals and the U.K. Press to do so. It was just another exploitative brick in her PR wall. New468 Kittenwhisperer, Hove, United Kingdom, 2 hours ago Jack dear heart I’ve missed you! New523 Lappidoth, UK, United Kingdom, 2 hours ago She tried entering while flipping the r card by releasing a statement on it before she got in there. Problem is, we can’t stand the sight of her, regardless to skin, although we are a bit gingerist now if that counts for anything? I put my comment in, some snowflake had it removed, feel free to consult my profile. My comment stands.

New560 Be Aware, Los Angeles, United States, 8 hours ago Of course she’s past all that - why, she’s a successful gold miner!! (Replies) New4542799 LittleMissChester, Chester, United Kingdom, 7 hours ago She’s embarrassed of him. She’s very materialistic and is very self absorbed. She doesn’t want an embarrassment like him hanging around. New25373 Nomdeplume, melbourne, 7 hours ago No fan. But I never believe a story that says 'close friends’ or 'source’. New36183 Audreyshepburn, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, 7 hours ago She doesn’t need to be reminded of her trashy family background anymore. New51169 JS, Somerset, United Kingdom, 7 hours ago The sick, elderly daddy she has publicly stated she adored, who brought her up alone and spent all his money on, has been unceremoniously dumped as the self styled humanitarian has no further use for him. New19320 LittleMissChester, Chester, United Kingdom, 7 hours ago I’m not saying he is but I believe she thinks he is New1484 Whitewinger, Ktown, United States, 7 hours ago Obviously she does Audrey…they ARE her family..whether she chooses to associate with them or not..personally just from the fact she has not even seen her father since she got married speaks volumes about HER. New15195 Babe, In Belgium, 7 hours ago Team Meghan. You like her dad so much, you are welcome to him. New19028 Louisa, London, United Kingdom, 7 hours ago @ Nomdeplume - “close friend” has always been recognised in the industry if not actually from the horse’s mouth, then from someone instructed to speak on the person’s behalf. The DM has run many, many stories with a close friend or source cited, and they’re always pretty close to the truth which inevitably with this woman, shakes out sooner or later. New9209 AmazingGrace77, London, United Kingdom, 7 hours ago Do you know her or are you talking from experience…. New21045 Ingie_1999, Nowhere, United States, 7 hours ago Watch when she gets pregnant … Oh, brother! New23239 Mbb, Chicago, United States, 5 hours ago She’s worth her own millions do some research! New14927 Tuneful, Silver Spring MD, United States, 5 hours ago So HE’s the narcissist?! Talk about “pot, meet kettle.” New7103 Eve, London, United Kingdom, 5 hours ago @Mbb, they know, just the sort of people who hang on to being negative at all costs. New234 HRH 2, London, United Kingdom, 5 hours ago Mbb: then why didn’t she dress like this before Harry, eh? She didn’t even own a home or car. She spent all her money on PR to get into the circles of someone rich and famous in the UK. New7120 lokoti, norwich, United Kingdom, 4 hours ago The same applys for her marriage- she’s been down that road many times! New566 LeeG., Branson, United States, 4 hours ago So many catty remarks. Meow. New5316 FunnyToo, Atlantic, Western Sahara, 4 hours ago Spot on! Move onto the next mine after one is depleted! If anyone thinks this helps improve her image in any way :) :) :) :) :) :) New635 miaumiau66, Nowhere, United Kingdom, 4 hours ago Golldd digggg@ New674 Taurus777, Botosani, United Kingdom, 4 hours ago Once he dies she’ll be crying for ages..no matter what lies she tells herself now. New1444 UhOhGameOver888, Babylon, United States, 3 hours ago “Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder with a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.” That’s the textbook definition of narcissism. That fits Meghan Markle the user to a T, not dumped Papa Markle who sacrificed so much for her – he could have lived very well off his multiple jobs income and his lottery winnings but instead he sank it all into Meghan and lived in a modest, low-rent flat. Who has Meghan EVER sacrificed anything for? She uses and dumps people and pets and hasn’t a giving bone in her body. New11140 CelesteT, Devon, United Kingdom, 2 hours ago Gameover, you are spot on! Narcs come out on top because they will trample over anyone to get there! That is Meghan to a T not her poor old lonely father.

[agentnico]

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Review

So, I find myself in a conundrum. I have seen the big flick of the year, Avengers: Infinity War, however I have no idea how to go about reviewing it. “How so?” you ask. “Just give it a score and be done with it, you silly tot!” you exclaim again. “Well,” I reply. “Firstly don’t call me a tot, who uses ‘tot’ these days anyway? Secondly, let me explain.” Then I take a deep breath, look around wearily at the eager swarm of Marvel fans, and begin my tale of woe...

I hated Avengers: Infinity War... Wow, that was not that difficult to explain actually! Alright, alright! Hang on, hold your “f*ck” screaming crusade back, I haven’t finished yet. Basically, I simply am not the right target audience for this film it seems. And I say ‘it seems’ because in all fairness I used to really enjoy Marvel films. But in the past year I began developing this illness called superhero fatigue! Yes, yes, I hear your shocking screams, it’s a terrible terrible illness, worse than what the Black Death did back in the day. The truth needs to be faced though, I have been infected, like in The Walking Dead, only better, cause that show sucks now! I mean really, what happened to that show??...............*sob* anyway, that’s a rant for another day. Having become more and more bored with superhero flicks, with certain exceptions like the first Deadpool, Thor: Ragnarok and Black Panther actually surprising me, and especially following those last two I was hopeful that this new Marvel entry was not going to be affected by my disease filled mind......okay, that’s a lie, I wasn’t optimistic about this film whatsoever from the start, my friends Paul and Josh would confirm how not-excited I was for this film (hey, I guess this is what a shout out is, cool, hello you guys!!!). But I went into this film with an open-ish mind......and yeah, bloody hated, didn’t I. So here I am wondering how to go about reviewing this film (if I can call it that), because as I said, I hated it, but that doesn’t mean its a bad film. For a casual movie goer and most definitely for Marvel fans I’m sure it a great time, I’m sure people will love it..........holy mother of crabs, this movie has a 9/10 on IMDb? What in the actual a**?? Sorry, sorry, I promised to be calm. Who am I kidding, I didn’t promise jack sh**! But where was I? Ah, yes, the Avengers: Infinity War. So yes, this is 100% Marvel fan service and I understand why people like this film, it has everything a popcorn movie needs going for it, so it’s not my place to give this film a proper review or score as I am not the right demographic and it’s not my place to stray away casual movie-goers from enjoying this film. However who cares what I say, we all know this movie is going to make over a billion regardless what I say. *looks at phone* Oh bloody hell, it already made a billion! Well. Well then. I guess I’m just going to leave some of my personal thoughts on the film down below, I know that I usually don’t do spoilers but, you know, f*** it, SPOILER WARNING!!

Plot: The big purple dude finally gets of his chair after taking the big giant 10 year dump and goes to collect a bunch of stones to shove up his anus. Okay, not his anus, but who cares about this plot description, if you’re reading this you should have already saw the film or, like me, don’t care about it. Once again, SPOILER WARNING. Don’t read anymore, as I’m going to spoil everything in 3, 2, 1...

Thanos dies!! Alright, I’m kidding, Thanos is fine, but seriously, spoilers ahead.

MAGNOLIA YOU ARE NOT - There are too many characters in this film which the story does not manage to balance well, so many of them are under-used. And yes, I did a Magnolia reference, even though this is not the kind of film to compare to Magnolia, but I don’t care, I’m being biased, deal with it!!

THE PLOT - What plot?? I’m kidding, but seriously, what plot?? The film is made up of an escalating series of fight vignettes all under the motto of “We have to stop Thanos!” Especially to the end of the film, we keep cutting to these various locations with different characters that it is hardly possible to engage with any of the stories.

AGE OF THANOS - Yeah, yeah, I know, everyone loves Josh Brolin as Thanos. Well sorry to disappoint, folks, I didn’t like him. C’mon now, get on the trend with this ‘review’, it’s obviously a negative one, stop getting surprised at everything I didn’t like! Obviously if you liked his character, good on you, but I didn’t. In my eyes it was yet again another big CGI villain like the one-note Ultron from the last Avengers flick, only bigger and, in all fairness, had a better motivation, but I found that Brolin played him quite monotone. Yes, you see his tears when he has to kill Gamora to receive the Soul Stone, but I didn’t find that emotional whatsoever. But that’s just me. Or is it?......no, no, it’s definitely just me. I feel your hatred towards me soothing through your body as you are reading this.

THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES - Oh look, it’s another massive battle with CGI monsters! Wooo!!

DEADPOOL...ONLY IT’S PG! *GASP!* - MCU films are known to incorporate humour into all their films, but in this one it felt too forced. With the amount of jokes they had it really took away from the gravitas of the darker more emotional moments. As an example, Gamora’s death is straight away followed by a joke about Starbucks. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll happily laugh about Starbucks any day, but still.

“AMERICA, F*** YEAH!!” - Of course the first time aliens arrive on Earth it’s obviously in America! How else are we gonna feel patriotic, eh?

SILLY-LORD - Star-Lord messing up the whole plan at the end with taking the gauntlet of Thanos’ hand could have been done much smoother. Like I get why he was annoyed and angry, but Tony was literally shouting in his ear saying for him to just wait one more minute so that they could take off the glove and then he would have had full right to Fight Club him to his full heart’s desire. But nooooooo, let’s have our characters make dumb decisions. And I��m not just talking about Star-Lord! P.S. Yes, I understand that the whole Star-Lord shtick is a set-up towards Doctor Strange’s ultimate plan of what he saw in the future, but it still feels like a deus ex machina cop out nonetheless.

THE TRUE HEROES - Okay, so I’m sure out of all the complaints on this list I think with this one you might actually agree. Where in the world were Valkyrie, Korg and Miek at the beginning with the Asgardian ship? It’s not like the credits rolled after Thor: Ragnarok and Korg and Valkyrie decided to jump out of the ship into the cosmos in search of coffee? Right? Right??

#TEAMDRAX - Oh, Drax, if only you were.........actually, I don’t have a problem with Drax. No, I’m serious, this one actually is not a complaint. I know, I surprised myself! I do have to give props to both the writing for and performance of Drax. He was actually hilarious in this film and his jokes were actually well timed. From the awkward spying on Gamora’s and Star-Lord’s intimate moment and him being convinced that he’s invisible saying “I have mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still that I have become invisible to the eye....my movement, is so slow that its imperceptible....I’m sure I’m invisible.” to his description of Thor “It’s like a pirate had a baby with an angel.” to the misunderstanding argument where Quill is asking where Gamora is, Iron Man then questions who Gamora even is and then Drax’s logistical, but at the same time misinterpreted response “I’ll do you one better - WHY is Gamora??” In my eyes, Dave Bautista (with his dead-pan delivery of the lines) stole the show as Drax, though Chris Hemsworth as Thor and his buddy-ing up with Rocket was a nice dynamic.

“FREEDOM! I SAID FREEDOM!” - Not going to lie, when Heimdall was killed I actually felt happy for him. You could see in Idris Elba’s eyes how happy he was that he finally full-filled his contract and was freed from his Marvel obligations. We all knew Idris didn’t want to be a part of this franchise, blame his agent.

HAHA, MIDGET! - No, I’m serious, that’s an actual joke in the film.

“WAS THE MUSIC TOO LOUD?” - And we’re back with Marvel films having generic unmemorable scores/soundtracks. Just a bunch of dramatic noises to keep the crowd pumping. Unlike Thor: Ragnarok or Black Panther (and in all fairness the Guardians of the Galaxy films, though I do have a personal vendetta against Vol.2), which actually had good music accompaniment, but now we’re back where we started. Dang it.

“REST IN PEACE, WHY WON’T YOU LET ME REST IN PEACE??” - Those of you who get what I’m referencing with that sub-title, full respect to you. Any-hoot, half of the Avengers die at the end of this film. And it’s the lack of consequence that annoys me, especially with the knowledge of future films on Marvel’s slate. We know some of them will be back. In all fairness, we do seem to have a few proper permanent deaths (then again, this IS Marvel...) in this film with the likes of Loki, Heimdall (good on you, Idris!), Gamora and Vision, but Marvel does have a problem with killing off characters, which is evident at the end of this film. And yes, you can say that its based off the comics and its supposed to be like that, but it does take away any kind of stakes.

GAME OF STONES - The MCU would work so much better as a high budget TV series, since Infinity War seems both rushed and at the same time drags on so much at 2 hours 40 minutes. It’s overstuffed like Thanos’ gigantic purple jawline!

In all seriousness, if you enjoyed Avengers: Infinity War, I’m glad. Truly, I am, and I totally understand why so many people do indeed like it. For me it has definitely proved that I am more of an indie film fan, as to me this endless array of ACTION, ACTION, ACTION with, in my opinion, no deeper meaning or message, is just not my kind of thing. I have lost any kind of excitement for any upcoming superhero films, minus Deadpool 2, I actually think that one will be a good laugh, but otherwise I should stick with independent cinema. I’m not going to give this film a score, as if I would have, it would have been quite low and would have not been fair on the film since I’m not the right person to rate it.

Overall score: N/A

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 4 | “ladies and gays.......the games have OFFICIALLY begun “ - Adam

I was immune three times so far this season. Three times. and FOR WHAT? I'm so screwed if I don't win this immunity challenge. I know I'm a weak link, so if I don't win this, hopefully *dan* doesn't either cause I might have to target him to save my skin. This is where I'm really gonna have to be social over the next day, cause my ass is quite literally on the line right now. I'm not getting 18th-16th, screw this.

ladies and gays.......the games have OFFICIALLY begun, at least for me but hopefully not just for me or uh i might be in trouble... but anywho, another brain went home sorry to this person and right when we all thought a swap of some sort was coming, BOOM a twist of all twists... EVERYONE is going to tribal, that means after this vote, we're gonna be down to 16 people just like that. But before we get there we have to get through immunity and tribal first, i saw that time was one of the tiebreakers and was doing nothing better so i figured lets get this challenge with, its counting how hard can it really be, once again however i completely underestimed my stupid bitchness! i was all the way into the 400s almost through before i MESSED UP .... TWICE ... so in the end i somehow still got 211 which i guess we'll see if that was decent, i dont think ill win but hopefully im just not last. This also means its time to start talking game, i hope no one is scared to talk game because im absolutely not. I'm not here to just sit in the shadows right away, I started messaging just a couple of the people i feel ive built some small connections with and just start to plant seeds about the vote coming up, i dont wanna throw any names out there until at least after we see who wins immunity, but as of now, connor might be a first easy boot?? either that or thats just what people are telling me to blindside me...idk im also still completely shook that the idol is out there, so i really want to vote out whoever has it so i can try to find it again.... but the only problem is i have no idea who has it, it could very well be someone i trust just keeping it to themselves like i wouldve...so we'll see, today is the calm before the storm, and i can tell you the storm is right over the horizon on its way to cause chaos for the beauties because we've been sitting pretty for far too long (pun intened), tomorrow after 9 once we see who wins, thats when i predict at least for me alliance chats and plans will hopefully start coming to fruition and uh hopefully its not me 

When you survived that vote out when you thought you were leaving https://media.giphy.com/media/5GoVLqeAOo6PK/200_d.gif When that twist comes out where three people all leave in the same round https://media.giphy.com/media/W7RVlWfc1O9gY/giphy.gif It's moments like this that make me realize that I should have tried to convince Devon to split up Autumn & Duncan last round. Because if Isaac was here, I could have easily gotten Devon and either Duncan/Autumn on board with voting out Isaac. Now we have to go to tribal AGAIN where we have to vote out a daddy :'( I'm still up in the air about what I want to do. Part of me is thinking about doing 2 options. 1 would be to utilize Devon to split up Autumn/Duncan. OR, I can align with Autumn/Duncan and vote out Devon. It's obvious that Autumn and Duncan are a duo, and I'm almost 100% certain that they'll tell Devon to vote me and me to vote Devon. Doing so gives them full power on who to send home, so I think my best bet is to vote with Devon this round. If Devon is as with me as he says he is, then the vote should tie. If Autumn/Duncan decide to vote me out over Devon, then I would hope Devon allows it to go to a tiebreaker. If they vote Devon, then I might just flip my vote and send Devon out of the game. Devon is a "i'm 100% loyal" type of person but at the same time, he also said the same things to me that he said to Duncan. So I don't trust him 100%. I wouldn't be surprised if the three of them just decided to vote me out. If I happen to win immunity, I might actually consider allowing Devon to go to a tiebreaker. I don't have anything to lose by having Devon and either Autumn or Duncan duke it out in a challenge. Devon sucks at challenges so he'd probably go home anyways, but at least the chance at staying is better than nothing. My goal is to win this challenge first and foremost. I hope that if I win that I have some power or influence in how this vote turns out. Given that I have a 25% chance at being voted out, anything can happen.

its literally so sad to see that the daddies have to go to tribal council. i made sure i didn't f*ck up in the immunity challenge and hopefully i have a good shot at winning it. Granted i survive this vote regardless, its going to be amazing to see the other tribes go to tribal council and test their tribe dynamics.This is like the equivalent of giving everyone a survivor wake up call. Just because we've been sucking doesn't mean we get to be spared by a swap.  No one deserves anything, you have to earn it. Worst comes to worse I would like to think I have to make fire against scott or devon, which at that point if i lose then i would have done everything i can to stay in this god forsaken game. I'm leaning more towards wanting Scott out but obvi if he wins immunity i have no issue voting for Devon. Can you imagine us not swapping after this and then having to go to tribal again!? Its starting to get quite comical that we've had to play so much already and we're not even close to merge. Wish a bitch luck i guess 

Waiting for these results really has me terrified about how I did. Personally, I like to think I did well in that challenge. Not to toot my own horn or sound cocky, but I spent some time practicing beforehand. I went on a word doc and just kept typing numbers a few times. I also practiced breathing techniques so that I wouldn't let nerves get the best of me when it came to the challenge. AND I also played some mantras in my head to remind me to stay focus and not eat into stress. My mantras include "slow and steady wins the race" and "take a deep breath, go with the flow, just do your best, and show what you know." I also gave myself a time limit as to how long I could spend on each part. I allowed myself 13 minutes to go up, and 17 minutes to go down. I wanted more time going down since by the end my hands would get tired and having little time at the end leads to stress/a potential mess up. So I'm glad I paced myself out with it. I was really scared that my challenge wouldn't count at first because my internet froze up right as I was ending. Luckily, I took the time to take screenshots with time stamps on them just in case something happened. Cause at first I was told "you didn't complete it" and that had me PETRIFIED!! Like I desperately need to win this otherwise I'm gonna get voted out. But luckily my screenshots came through and they accepted my score of 533. If I win this immunity, I have a good chunk of power in deciding who gets voted out. And on top of that, there's no immediate consequences for my decisions. From the looks of it, it seems like Autumn and Devon did really bad in that challenge. I'm hoping that Duncan doesn't do better than me. As for this vote, I think Duncan/Autumn are definitely going to vote together. Which means that I need Devon and I to stick together for this vote. If I win immunity, then I am 100% on board with voting with Devon this round. Autumn/Duncan are too strong of a duo and they need to be split up. Otherwise if we're still together on this tribe, I get the boot soon. I realize after this that I need to work on getting new allies in this game. If I can make it up until a swap, I think I have the potential to go far. I plan to make new allies with whoever is on the swapped tribe, and I'll mention that brains tribe is dead and if they need me to prove my loyalty, I'd be willing to vote out the other two remaining brains. We'll see what happens though. If Duncan does win immunity, then I might feel out to see if Duncan/Autumn are honest about voting out Devon and if I get the vibe that they are, I'll jump on that just to get myself to the swap. Ideally, I want Devon around since I know he'll be loyal to me, but this is a situation that is far out of my control. So, let's hope I win immunity this round!

Are all the Socotra people going to leave or like…? RIP Isaac truly, what a king! I am completely expecting a swap soon just because it makes tons of sense numbers wise? I hope we don’t because I have footing on this tribe which doesn’t happen usually so ghfjdksla

So after results, I’m mentally preparing myself for a swap because it WOULD happen yknow? Well this new twist? Has me gagged, gooped, shook, quaking, and confused all at the same time so yay for that! But yeah, it seems we’re having a nice little triple tribal feature tonight so get your popcorn folks cause the show is about to start! This twist does have me sorta shook just cause 3 people are leaving this round and we’ll be at F15… so in my head, this only confirms the fact that someone is gonna come back in the game at merge cause why wouldn’t the hosts do that? Well, I’m keeping an eye out for it all (and for Selener ofc)

Did I want to win this immunity challenge? Yes! Did that happen? No! Is that a bad thing? Honestly, not really! Like I am not the type of player that likes to be on people’s radars whatsoever so not being a winner of this game’s first individual immunity challenge is not something I can particularly mad about! Amir winning is cute like I love that for him <3 Adam did have me spooked that he was winning because he kept mentioning slightly high numbers BUT him and I did about the same so yay for us! While this vote is gonna be messy most likely, I do feel pretty secure and safe? I hate that I feel that way because I stay being caught off-guard when I feel that way but I’ve really focused on getting to know everyone here and letting the strategy come later so yeah (‘:

okay so today was about tying up lose ends. I had to clean up anything that could be used against me, and the main issue in my game right now is that i have built a great relationship with adam and i want him to stay, but my alliance does not want him to stay. My options are to save him with my idol, or convince my alliance to keep him, however, both could completely destroy my game. all 3 of them want adam gone, and its not worth it for me to go against all their wishes and it could make them doubt my loyalty, instead im going with the plan to vote adam out (i am so sorry u dont deserve it). However, i told augusto that adam told me about numbers at the bottom of the cast reveal. I realized that now there is leverage against me, that he or adam could use, so i have told the rest of the alliance about the numbers that adam found, hopefully to show them that im insanely loyal nejkwnfke even tho im not. But now, if i go againt adam, he has no dirt on me at all, and i can go through with the alliance's plan. Furthermore, I have a relationship with both austin and aj, so if adam goes, thats fine, ill just get closer to austin. Replace the relationship. Austin is also way less likely to lie or be a rat than adam would. if i could be swapped onto a tribe with duncan and autumn from the brains, i might just have to scoop them up! but i know autumn and ali are close

Me when I found out I won individual immunity at today's tribal and had the overall highest score out of every person in the game: https://media.giphy.com/media/1kIvUyWrdz88GKgtON/200_d.gif I was NOT expecting to do as well as I thought I did in that challenge. I expected to have won within my tribe, but not beat every single person in the game. i hope this challenge doesn't put a huge target on my back. I'm so happy that I won! Based on the mood of the camp right now, it seems like I needed to win. The only person who spoke to me prior to the challenge was Devon. Duncan's talking to me now, but I feel like it's only because I won immunity. I strongly believe that I needed this immunity otherwise I would have been voted out 3-1. Or at least a 2-2 tie if Devon is actually with me. But knowing that I play a major role in this outcome is a beautiful thing. If there was any tribal that I needed to be immune for, it would be this one. As for what I am thinking for tonight's tribal, I think that Autumn/Duncan are going to vote together this round. So this means that I could either vote with them to eliminate Devon OR I vote with Devon to cause a tie and have a tiebreaker challenge take place. Do I think Devon has a shot at winning this challenge? Honestly no... But I think voting with him has some added benefits. The first one is that it shows to everyone in the game that I'm about loyalty this time around. Secondly if he loses, it allows for me to make connections at a future swap. I can state that Autumn/Duncan are an obvious duo and that I have no allies. Showing off that look could help me gain new allies within the other tribes. Plus if Devon does win the challenge, then that's an ally I have going forward and I can state that vote as a move I made in this game at final tribal. Granted I've made moves so far in every vote during this game, but this is one that I can really emphasize towards me winning. But another reason I'm leaning towards keeping Devon is in the event that a swap doesn't happen and we lose again! By showing Devon that he almost left last round, I think he would 100% remain loyal to me for the rest of this game. However, it doesn't mean that I'm not open to hearing out other options. Devon does suck at challenges, so voting him out could be a good thing going forward. Plus I know for a fact that he's shady since he preached the same things to me that he said to Duncan. So I don't appreciate how he isn't being 100% truthful. Personally, I just don't trust any of the brains and need to jump on another tribe's bandwagon. I hope if I can make it to the swap that I can try to gain some new allies around here. Because I need people to make sure I get to the end. For now, I'm just going to hear everyone out and weigh out all of my options moving forward. I need to do what's best for Scottica going forward.

Whhhhaaattttt? Me uploading a confessional before 4 minutes before the next day??????? What a twist!!!!!! 

Anyways, the vote has come down to Devon leaving this round. Which doesn't surprise me, I expect Duncan/Autumn to not want to vote each-other out. Knowing that these two are unbreakable makes me want to work with Devon. But then Duncan also made the point that Devon comes off as the least threatening. Which is also true, he's the only one on our tribe who hasn't made it to the FTC yet. This has me thinking "let me talk to Devon about the tiebreaker challenge so he can figure out who he thinks he can beat" So I went into a call with Devon tonight basically expecting him to be down for a tiebreaker challenge against whoever he thought he could beat in the challenge, but ended up leaving the call actually wanting to vote him out because of how annoying he was throughout the whole call.... Me: "Hey Devon, Autumn and Duncan are 100% going to vote you out tonight. I will vote with you, but I need to know who you think you can beat in a tiebreaker challenge because if I vote with you, you need to win this challenge. Otherwise, I'll be public enemy #1 if you lose" Devon: "Well I think I could beat Duncan in a tiebreaker because he's throwing my name out there to try and get me out. Also, I've been completely honest with you this whole time so I hope that you'll vote with me tonight because I was going to go to the end with you. Anytime I was under the hot seat in Guyana, I made sure to win that challenge." Me: *looks at Guyana's wikia to see he won 1 immunity challenge and read confessionals about how he's a liar, a backstabber, and can't be trusted* The whole time he kept asking me who I wanted out and I'm like "none of the politics matter this round" Why? Because if it's a 2-2 tie, it comes down to how well you do in that challenge. Like I tried to tell this man he needs to bring his A game in the challenges. And he isn't even seeing that as a factor. Personally, I think Devon has a better chance at beating Autumn in a tiebreaker. Duncan performed better in all of the previous challenges so far. So the fact that he isn't really seeing this on a challenge performance level and more of a threat level shows that he doesn't see the severity of this situation. Chances are we will swap next round, so I can try vote Devon out and use connections to say "hey, I'm next to go on this tribe please align with me" in an attempt to get new allies. Plus Devon's paranoia really has me saying forget the whole tiebreaker plan and vote him out. UPDATE: I had to stop typing this confessional because Duncan called me to tell me Devon told him about the tiebreaker challenge and in all honesty Devon is a dumbass (sorry Devon) like his lack of perception in this game is TRULY astounding. Duncan and I basically spent the time bonding over his lack of sincerity and that Autumn is better for a swap. And with the performance he's putting on tonight, I'm ready to vote him out. I just have to hope we actually swap because if we do another tribe challenge and we lose AGAIN I know I get the boot. Also, I realize more and more that Devon really sucks at challenges and there's no way he can beat Autumn or Duncan at a challenge. So I guess I'm voting him out this round and then HOPING this doesn't come to bite me in the butt at the end. Sorry Devon. I wish I could have kept you, but you should have kept your mouth shut to Duncan & Autumn :/

... yeah I don’t think I can vote out Adam. Which is a shame because I made a promise and an alliance chat with Austin. But realistically Adam is a better player to keep around. He’s more easy going than Austin and more vengeful against the Brawn tribe which is definitely something worth keeping around. Also I accidentally just made an alliance with him. I really need to stop doing that before I start to face actual repercussions for my actions. Austin didn’t tell me his plans to vote out Connor so in my mind that’s sketchy as fuck. And I know he just got voted out of a game and I’d feel like a prick for voting him out. But we don’t have room for doubt in our tribe alliance. What if he’s trapped alone with Connor on a different tribe? Can we trust him not to vote for him? What if we merge and he feels the need to go off script? Will he just fuck off and do his own thing? And sure Adam most likely has an idol but he won’t have it forever. Sooner or later he’s going to have to use it and wouldn’t we be better off if he used it for us rather than against us? Then we can go in for the kill with his weapon down the hatch and our trust in his back pocket. Now I just need to express this to my teammates with out sounding like a psycho or a loon.

*sarah maclachlan playing in the background* hello ladies and gays, my name is adam, and welcome to..... my survivor funeral. In all my times playing tumblr survivor, the same situation has just ironically always happened to me, the very first tribal i partake in, my name ALWAYS gets thrown out there and i almost go home, but i somehow weasel my way out of it, and i think this time may be the one that finally gets me and stops me dead in my tracks this is gonna be a lot of tea so buckle up and get your teacups gorls, so basically immunity ends, i lose whatever i came close but ive never been one to need to rely on challenges to win, except maybe i did need this one, anywho after the challenges i go around and try to pick some brains, im hesitant about throwing a name out there but i did innevitably mention connor's name only to augusto/amir and austin mentioned voting connor to me first, i did say i felt disconnected to connor to austin first but i didnt say anything about voting him out first, anywho so im sitting here thinking...ok this seems too easy especially because i messaged other people aka augusto/amir and literally was getting no responses from them right away?? like im not an idiot, im of course assuming theyre plotting against me and normally im just being paranoid but NOT this time because AJ comes to me, because little does everyone know aj is definitely a friend of mine so he mentioned to me that kendall allegedly messaged this group chat they had the other day from the challenge i WILLINGLY sat out in, and was like "so obvious alliance without alex or adam and lets vote one of them out xD" like ooh ok you got me, congrats the only way you can play survivor successfully is by creating an alliance of circumstance that has nothing to build off of, its so frustrating the ONE time i really come into this game playing, like ive messaged and genuinely tried building relationships and for them to basically just all of the sudden be null and void over nothing??? it irks me i wont lie. It dissappoints me, and honestly upsets me. Im not an outwardly emotional person usually but im kinda upset over this? i know its a game and i shouldnt be taking it personally, but for me to have started building connections with people like augusto and amir and for them to just throw me down the river just because i wasnt included in their group bothers me. i guess i know its the name of the game, but what really upsets me is ive been TRYING and then theres people like connor who aj has said wasnt even ON the other group call for long at all and made no contribution??? but youre gonna vote me out.......someone who genuinely wanted to work with you people and am here to do so??? i guess on the bright side i can take some flattery if i leave first because aj said if they vote me over austin its because they view me as a bigger threat than him.....which they are 150% right to do so, however....they dont know im a threat!!!!! like i said some of these people havent even tried to get to even know me so how can you try and make conclusions about me already?????? AND YALL ARE REALLY SO DIMWITTED YOU THINK ID WORK WITH JAKEY ON THE OTHET SIDE BECAUSE I KNOW HIM???? what part of i voted him OUT last game, he NOR i have played since which shows you how traumatic it was, like i know he's against me already so im 100% not wanting to work with him. but guess what, if by SOME miracle i survive this tribal, and i would really need a miracle, if a swap comes soon i am 100% going to flip because augusto? dead to me. he can stream jlo for all i care. amir? sorry to this man who i barely know and tried to work with because we had a brief tumblr history together, which i barely knew him then either, clearly i made the right call not associating with him often, kendall, she's perhaps the fakest of them all, she basically messaged me and when i said what were you thinking she said "ive heard austin and connor but i DONT want to vote austin" so in my mind i know its really me or austin so good job, you just told the person you want out that you want them out. my plan now is to simply try to survive right now, and if that means having to vote austin out its what im gonna do, but aj himself has told me amir/augusto would be open to working with me had i proposed some type of alliance to them, so thats my next plan, i hope i can make them want to work with me over kendall/connor, and the 4 of us form a REAL alliance, and if they want austin ill vote austin, at this point i switch into flight or fight mode and as much as i love a good fight, i have to keep my claws put away for this one,  no one knows how BAD i want to just call out all of this tribe for lying right to my face and keeping me in the dark for no reason other than a pure coincidence, if they vote me out ill tell them off as i walk out of course, but i really dont want to blow up ajs game and i want this plan to work.... so ive got to shut my big mouth right now and try to outplay as much as i would like to just outscream them all right now.. anywho, its not looking good for me. i have about a 45% chance of survival i feel like, so send me all the positive energy you can because a bitch needs it, god speed yall and ill see you on the other side one way or another...

ugh one last thing i forgot......if im really voted out first and get that cirie hvv treatmeant because in my mind i just WANT to be her.......lets omit this time! no need to update the wiki, we'll press delete and pretend this moment never happened because thats how im going to treat it especially these FAKE ass PHONY ass people. FRAUDS. all of them. like i get it, im a fake bitch at times obviously like thats the game but im not used to people being fake to ME like it hurts especially when you think youre feeling real bonds with people..... i- lemme not start going on and on again. im not a quitter, im a tough cookie, ive had way worst problems in life ive figured out on my own and luckily im not completely alone with aj unless he's just been playing me which then OUCH that would hurt 1000x more but i genuinely dont think he is, at this point i trust him with my life in this game because i feel like he's my key to staying. i need him, and i need augusto/amir, even though they've hurt my feelings and i want my revenge, i have to compose myself and play my cards right, this is a war, not a battle, and while i may lose all at once, i have to play the move i think will most best keep me here one night longer ...  

oh gorl ok i promise LAST ONE i just have to get this off my chest! ok so, after thinking about it and smoking a nighttime bowl i'm less UPSET about the possibility of me going home first on the beauty's and now i'm just more confused, augusto did message me back and was saying he'd be interested in my proposed alliance however he could easily be lying to me since he's been lying to me already this whole game however i have no choice other than to try this hail mary, i also think i'm gonna try to plant doubt against kendall because she directly told me she was basically voting me out, so i'm gonna go around and tell people she refused to vote austin out, because she did say that, and hopefully they don't just give in to her bidding. i can't really be mad, we won't be singing amigas cheetahs tonight, but i'm gonna turn my frustration into work, i see multiple scenarios in my head the moment i start to feel the one i'm in is heading south so right now my only chance of making it through is pushing this alliance and testing the connections i've been trying to build, wish me luck if i hear something good from amir there might be a glimmer of hope? probably not but i'll absolutely try just for the good edit of a dramatic tribal dahling 

So first off, fuck Skype. Because if Skype wasn't a laggy ass bitch, I would have won that immunity. But it's fine because I don't think I'm going anywhere just yet. It's been very refreshing to have multiple people come up to me and say they want to work with me. Like Jakey obviously has been the person I've been able to talk to openly since Day 2. And I knew Dan and I had a mutual bond that would allow a good amount of trust, so it was nice to see that become much more evident when he came to me to talk game. Now I have Jordan and Ali who both said they want to work with me / guaranteed not write my name down. And Liam is hardcore pitching to me and actually making a lot of sense. So now even though I thought I would go for Liam this round, I actually think I may push for Lovelis to go. It's a weird thought that the person I just finished a game with would be the one I'm going to probably vote tonight, but it may make the most sense for my game. I admittedly also don't think everyone voted out is going to get eliminated. My guess is one of them survive and then we have a swap with 2 tribes of 8, but we shall see!

It’s tribal time y’all! My alliance (me, Amir, Kendall, Connor) had the idea of adding AJ to our circle as it would be super easy to do so as we all are in a challenge chat together which is nice. I do really like AJ now like we’ve really connected these past few days and have had a little duo-bond going on so this 5 person alliance is the best chance for us to get even closer in a game-sense. We all went on call and discussed the topic of Adam versus Austin. While AJ and Amir would prefer to keep Adam, Kendall prefers to keep Austin. I’m genuinely on the fence because I like both of them and they both like me a lot? I tried to rationalize it in a game sense of Austin is slightly more transparent and easier to read while also having a weird social game that would keep one of us over him in a swap scenario. Adam, on the other hand, is probably more dangerous long term as he could cause more damage and his relationship with Jakey is very up in the air in terms how it affects us in a swap. So for the immediate future, Austin would be better to keep around because of a swap but thinking about the long-term, Adam could be better as he could be a shield? It’s interesting like this vote really is about weighing instant gratification versus delayed gratification and seeing which helps us out more?

While on our 5 person alliance chat call, AJ ended up revealing how the idol system works which…. YAAAAASSS we won! A thing that concerned me is that he said someone had already found something which is likely Adam considering he had told Amir about the numbers thing beforehand? That is just my gut telling me that though but it’s something we gotta think about hmmmm… very inch resting.

Not Kendall and I making an alliance with Austin ghfjdsk, it FINALLY happened but it’s kinda silent so far? I’m kinda side-eying Austin as when I talked to him about the vote, he had only mentioned Adam to me whereas he mentioned Adam and Connor to other people so it’s like… do you REALLY trust me? I don’t really know anymore, it’s something to keep in mind though!

We had agreed on voting Adam and not gonna lie, I feel awful about it from a personal standpoint? I really really like Adam like we have so many similarities and common interests so I’ve really grown to appreciate our bond. Adam had mentioned making an alliance with me, him, Amir, and AJ and told me that he wanted to ask me how I felt about that before he told the others because he really values my opinion which made my heart cry. To make matters worse, he told me how he feels he can FINALLY experience a game where he has genuine people he likes to work with and cause damage like AHHHH I feel so bad because a part of me wants to keep him but my loyalty to my people is outweighing that? Like I do genuinely want to keep Adam because he’s amazing and I would feel awful voting him out because I think he’ll take it the most personally from me and I don’t want to be the cause of someone else’s pain/sadness ever yknow? Ugh, it’s just a lot and I probably seem like an emotional mess but I think I have to put more value in my head over my heart in this game and this could be a start? 

I went to bed sad about having to vote Adam today and I woke up to Kendall wanting to call me. We go on call and debate whether the fact we wanna vote for Adam to begin with and we were both kinda like… we honestly don’t? Not just because we like Adam but Austin is not being as transparent or present as we would’ve hoped so it kinda helps us make our decision for us? I did tell her about Adam’s alliance proposal because I also want to be as transparent as possible and even flipped it in a way that we can make Adam feel extra comfortable with a false majority so if he does have an idol, we can keep him from ever playing it. Not just that, but we can also convince Adam to vote Austin instead of Connor like he wants to by us falsely stating Connor helped out tons in the challenge and while he won’t be completely active, that’s to our benefit and not a detriment at all. We then got on call with AJ and he agreed with our points so yay for saving Adam? I’m genuinely happy with this especially since Adam does benefit my longer term game and I love him so <3 

I am SHAKING right now. It's obviously come down to either between me or Liam L, and it sucks! I didn't want to vote out Liam but my hand has been forced at this point! He's been on away all morning so I've made my move, trying to hit up Ali, Jordan, Jakey, TJ, even Dan (who answered me then went on away c':) I THINK I've done a good job of speaking as to why I'd like to stay? Jordan is keeping me updated and TJ said he will as well, so I hope they're telling the truth..

Since it's been awhile, there are a few things to go over: 1. The alliance between myself/Scott/Duncan/Autumn has been so successful so far. We survived three straight tribal councils after losing three straight competitions. We didn't waiver a single bit from one another and that is so rare in Survivor. 2. Going into this round, I thought my only chance was to enter a tiebreaker against Duncan and try and win in a competition. I pleaded to Scott for his vote, but he was skeptical. 3. With my back up against the wall, I confronted Duncan in hopes of flipping his vote. As a result, a chat between myself/Duncan/Scott was created. 4. As long as Scott/Duncan aren't playing me, this could very well be the fourth tribal council in which I survived with my name being mentioned in three of them. Slithering doesn't always work, but this round has been the toughest one to date. 

it's still day 9 and SO much more has already happened... i could be writing to you from the grave with this, but i think, maybe just maybe, i might have a shot at staying now. its so crazy how fast this game really changes, last night i was in a horrible mood (so SORRY  to everyone i dragged in my last confessionals my feelings were hurt and i was moody i take it back! especially telling augusto to listen to jlo that was just CRUEL. howvever it was because i thought it was game over me, i saw this major alliance form right in front of my eyes that i was on the outs in, and with the help of AJ, i was able to just maybe infiltrate and create my own counter alliance with some of the people from that majority who just might like me a little bit more. Even if i get voted out tonight, i can go out with my head held high now because even if these people are playing me, ive tried my best and attempted to make some form of a move even if the move is just saving myself, i wanted to maybe work with austin but however i dont see it in the stars for us anymore This is why ive worked hard on maintaining steady social relationships, this right here, because today i made an offical alliance chat with Me, AJ, Augusto, and Amir, and while i definitely still have my doubts about Augusto/Amir, right now im stuck with them. If i want to survive this vote, i need to see if i can trust them, if they are legit about being real to my proposed alliance instead of their other one, theyll vote with me tonight and we'll take baby steps and go from there. I absolutely have been playing the pity card, with all of them and even kendall. I'm making sure people think im just this nice funny person who wants to play the game and have a shot, which is true, but im willing to do anything to stay, its just funny to me how last night i was having a breakdown over everyone saying im a threat and wanting me out, and i didnt completely get it at first, but you know what if the vote really doesnt fall on me tonight and i somehow survive, then maybe theyre right and maybe i am a threat if i can help to flip this whole tribe in a matter of hours. I even begun platning seeds against kendall because i know she was throwing my name around and you most certainly wont get away with that sis. I begun telling people she refused to vote for austin, because she did, she foolishly told me that and now im gonna use it against her. I dont think I can pull off voting her out this round, i need to focus on saving myself, but just know she's awoken the beast and i have her in my future sights. pray for me yall, im playing every single card i can in what could be a hopeless last ditch effort. But i think my odds of staying may really be going up, unless these people are just THAT good at being fake then....they got me gal. 

This tribal council is really about to raise my blood pressure huh? Its crazy cause I am quite confident I am not going home tonight, I would say most of the tribe as well feels that way and most i think should. As far as im concerned Myself, Dan (whose immune duh), Ali, Jakey and even TJ knows that its gonna be one of the Liams. Liam is aware that hes at risk cause hes been innactive and is throwing out lovelis name. Lovelis, I think doesnt know hes at risk, which is dumb cause he has not had a good social game so far and just thinks its easy on Liam. It might not be though, Liam has been ramping up his game a bit to try to stay safe (my advice to him of course) and I think it may be working. Obviously I know I can trust Liam and in most other circumstances i think I would work with him without question, however because this is a main season and he played in survivor jordan pines, its such an easy link to us that I just worry how it might affect ME down the road. Obviously if I can keep Liam safe tonight I will, but I am not fighting a hard fight to keep someone who may eventually be a detriment to my game whereas lovelis could be a lot of different possibilites. Im unsure where the road goes now, I think I am gonna call with my alliance of Ali Jakey and Dan later to try to think of a name, we just need to make a decision between the two already so I know which i should be priming up to be a goat for me and which I should cut loose haha.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LHsOiuD0RNMuor24fzziE04b_iTVsFRD/view?usp=sharing

okay so my video confessional is uploading but i think liam lovelis is doomed! he seems like a king but he needed to put in work to stay this round and i dont think he did unfortunately :(

well, in a sick turn of events, we did NOT swap tribes! in fact we were punished for god knows what as all tribes were required to go to tribal, so immunity was individual! the challenge itself was HELL and i am not going to talk about it other than the fact that i literally could've won if i didn't fuck up the second time. thankfully amir won, so i'm happy! going into tribal, however, i was in the mood to vote either austin or connor. i've kinda connected with everyone else on the tribe totally to the point where i don't want to vote them off right now, and while both are amazing, i ain't really CLICKING with them like that. but to be fair, they both have outside priorities like work and school so i can excuse the lack of conversation. i assumed initially that it was going to be a matter of no one wanting to step on any toes, so there'd just be a bunch of "oh i haven't heard anything yet" and beating around the bush, BUT kendall swooped in and declared our challenge chat from the last immunity (which consisted of her/me/augusto/amir/connor) an alliance, to which we all agreed. obviously i wasn't gonna turn it down! these were people who i really vibed with! it just sucks that someone like adam was a victim of circumstance and isn't able to be able to be apart of the alliance. we all (bar connor) hopped on call to discuss a vote and while it seemed like austin was gonna be the initial vote based off of what everyone was saying, ADAM ended up being the target that night. i played along and just went with it but i knew i had to do something since i wasn't gonna let adam go out like that. i tried to wave the caution of a potential idol play by bringing up the tomb system and how i cracked the code (per adam's hard work), but at the time it only pushed that vote further! we were under the impression that adam was throwing around connor's name, but on the contrary it was austin from what we've gauged. adam went to augusto i believe and brought up that he's heard connor, which only could've came from austin! this is where the conversation itself started to take a turn, so the vote went from adam to adam(?). everyone dispersed and like 5 minutes later i called adam DJKALSJFKJ. i had to let him know what was going on! he, of course, began panicking and started plotting on how he'd bounce back from this and i was a little weary at first. one thing i didn't want him to do was throw me under the bus or snap, it wouldn't his or my game for that matter. so i suggested he try to craft an alliance with myself, augusto, and amir. while he doesn't really trust the latter and plans on flipping in the event a swap comes, i knew that it'd be way harder for the vote to NOT be adam if he put them in this kind of position that austin isn't offering them. i went to sleep and when we woke up, kendall proposed another call! thankfully, she suggested flipping to austin, to which augusto and i agreed, because honestly adam does NOT deserve to be the first person gone from this tribe. so like that the vote went from adam to austin and things were pretty cemented, with it not changing as of the time i'm writing this. we're currently under the impression that austin is voting connor, which is fine since we got connor's blessing to keep his name out there since we DID here it, and it's best to keep adam feeling safe. ugh the way i was expecting a HEADACHE this morning if things didn't start the change like oh brother... bless up. p.s. chrissy hofbeck let me DOWN. i love that queen but she replied to my dm for the first challenge which was almost over a week ago today?! wow chrissy. 

So we're just a couple hours until tribal; essentially the whole tribe has agreed to do Lovelis at this point, and now somehow Lovelis knows that Liam had been targeting him. A couple people think that Ali is the reason why, but there's a chance it was me who actually is at fault because I confirmed it to Lovelis after he asked a second time, but I'm not going to full out admit that there was a chance that it was me (other than explaining the first half of my convo) because people doubting Ali is actually going to be kind of decent for my game. Ali is a huge threat moving forward and I trust Jakey, Dan, and Jordan more than him at the moment, so if it poses some doubt... it may not be the worst thing in the world. Russell hat might be out today ;)

okay so i have a video confessional uploading but i unfortunately think liam lovelis is going home! i love him so much he is so lovely, but i think he didn't put the work he needed to, to stay. would love to work with him in a different game, in a different situation but am sad it wasn't to be. i love my brawn men and i'm SO SAD that we are probably going to be separated. also im so sick and alyssa is gonna wonder who the old crone wheezing on call is and its me

So I won immunity hehehehe we love being masc and winning comps. But anyway I’m happy I’m safe going into the triple tribal. It’s all I really wanted. Should be an easy vote. Lovelis is just like not around enough. And he’s connected to TJ, so it will be nice having TJ somewhat to myself without distraction? That’s probably not actually the truth but let’s pretend it is. 

Adam wants to make an alliance with me and Augusto and Aj, but like, fuck. It’s too late. The 3 of us are already with Connor and Kendall, but Adam is being genuine and honest with us and it’s just really sad that this is the way this has to go down. If I was in his position I’d be so sad, so it’s making this game hard, but the logical part of me knows that eliminating him at this moment is the right move . I haven’t played these games in almost 3 years, and I know that you have to be a predator in this game, not prey, and you can’t let your emotions stop you from positioning yourself as best as possible. Do what u gotta do and feel bad later ! But for the record, I do feel damn awful for this , sorry adam

What in the fuck I literally woke up and my alliance wants to KEEEEP ADAMMMMMM KDJDJDSNSJSNKDNDKDDNDND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CANNOT TELL IF IM HAPPY OR PISSED OFFFFFF I can work with Adam, and I can be tight with him, but the alliance known that Adam told me about numbers on the blog and i made ppl think he has the idol, so as long as Kendall Augusto and Aj don’t spill those beans to Adam, him staying is still okay in my game, this just puts me in a slight risk zone, it’s a loose end And I don’t really know how to go about it I’m not gonna try and convince them to remove Adam when he obviously trusts me Kendall is a damn crackhead I love her tho like in a weird way I really do trust her??? I feel like I can read her pretty well I literally can’t go to sleep without my alliance changing fucking everything I CANT SLEEEEP ever again huh Chile... tbis is our first vote and I’m ??  

is it against the rules to go to my alliance members houses one by one and jump them?

Amir u stupid ass bitch... dipping my hands into too many cookie jars i got close with adam and then distanced from him cuz he was leaving and now i got to get closer again cuz hes staying. but adam likes me and augusto the most on the tribe i think me and augusto are the closest with everyone on our tribe and that makes him my biggest social threat, but hes also my closest ally so like this is good at this stage, we have a lot of pull

okay so this twist is crazy and i'll like properly articulate my thoughts tomorrow but all i want to say is everytime autumn messages me i get such a rush of seretonin - wow do i stan her.

These are my pre-triple tribal thoughts https://youtu.be/18jIBeTw_lY

Well well it seems these bitches haven't got rid of me yet. I don't feel they will give me a chance to actually be back in the game but I'm gonna fight my ass off to try. I love the game and I dont go down easy.  I'll kiss ass or do whatever I have to do to save myself . Tumblr survivor gods please please please be with me 

hey you guys its me adam and im coming to you from the survivor afterlife because they succeeded and just voted me ou- wait.... wait a minute, wait what?? the hator beauties DIDNT vote me out?????? GORL i am counting my blessings that my dumbass somehow survived the first vote, ESPECIALLY after finding out my name was not only thrown out there, but that it was a LOCKED plan. Literally sent me into a whole tizzy and caused me to doubt my self worth because i felt so bad about my gameplay but BITCH, i still got it. Yes, the rumors are true, you CANT kill a bad bitch. MANY THANKS TO AJ. I absolutely give credit where credit is due, if it weren't for aj telling me about the plan to get me out, i never would have played as hard as i did today, before i went to bed last night i basically talked to everyone, kendall/amir/augusto and was just making sure they all heard me out, i played up big time that i wanted to just be here for the team, and how BADLY i wanted to be able to play with loyal people, especially when i made the alliance chat for me/amir/augusto/aj because aj told me they did say theyd be open to an alliance with me so i think me doing all that and then of course aj's impact from the inside definitely lead everyone to change their minds and so then today the plan was shifted to austin i didnt want to vote austin honestly, but at that point it was me or him and my instincts always are fine with it, AS LONG AS IT AINT ME. PERIOD. They absolutely made the wrong choice though, because especially LEARNING all the information i did, ill never trust a single person on this tribe again, except aj, and i will absolutely be looking for the cracks and to possibly flip in. also after tribal , we got bombarded with this twist, SOMEONE IS COMING BACK FROM ONE OF THESE 3 TRIBALS???AND WE'RE ON A ONE WORLD BEACH NOW??? gorl its time to get to WORK, immediately upon entering this beach with everyone, austin messages  ALL the beauties swearing he wants to work with us still if we bring him back- but then goes and messages EVERY other person, and here's the best part- INCLUDING THE OTHER PEOPLE VOTING TO COME BACK IN AJFSDKH LIKE WHAT HE ASKED DEVON TO VOTE HIM BACK IN I WAS SCREAMING austin, thank you for showing the beauties we made the right choice, and hopefully we pull it off and you dont come back, sorry nothing against you though!!! im immediately leaning towards bringing devon back, because well the brains are just not really a threat at the moment and the last thing we need is braun gaining a number on us. Austin also told me my name was an option for the vote from tribal, which i completely was aware of but had to act like i didnt know because i didnt want aj exposed, HOWEVER now that austin has brought this up i can freely mention it to whomever now, so i immediately bring it up in my chat with amir/augusto and lemme tell yall.... ive never heard a silence quite this loud. whats wrong? yall dont wanna be honest with me about having a whole alliance just to conspire to vote me out????? this was a test from me, i gave them the oppurtunity to come clean and they refused. it shows me i clearly cant trust them, but again, until i know what the hell is going on in this game now, im stuck with them until i can make a move against them. kendall also came to me saying "hey can i ask you something" so i go sure gal whats the tea and she asks me "was i an option for the vote because austin said i was" so i was like omg no! of course not!!! because realistically she wasnt, even though she absolutely shouldve been for daring to raise her tongue against me IM ONTO YOU SIS... i know exactly what shes doing, she knows austin is telling me i was an option so shes probably hoping by telling me that i wont believe austin, but silly girl, i already knew about all yall's trifling ways!!! anyway, send fucking help we need it, the beauties are the FAKEST group on this island. im having better conversations with people from the other tribes i dont even know during this one world twist... also was able to catch up with jakey....that was interesting, we always have great convos because like we just know each other so well, and he's acting like he's forgivven and forgotten about challengers vs. champions, but i know him well enough to know he's NOT going to trust me this game because well...if i were him i absolutely wouldnt trust me either, we're kinda like parvati/amanda in hvv. Ill keep him on my backburner, incase we swap and im with him i at least want a fighting chance, if i HAVE to work with him but i probably will end up having to target him because i know him all too well and how he plays, its dangerous for EVERYONE. (but mostly for me, which is what's most important) 

Of course it wasn't a swap! That would be too easy!!!!!!!!! No we had to make it as dramatic as fucking possible and vote some sap back into the game!!!! UGH Well, at least this gives us all time to scout out the competition. And believe you me it has taken a lot of will power to not compulsively make another alliance. I mean, I did, but like with Jordan Pines so that doesn't count. I have reunited with my Survivor Dad Scott, my pizza molester friend Liam, former Gorlley Duncan, and my former arch enemy Jakey. I say former but Jakey clearly doesn't see me that way. He still had me on block and allegedly the first thing he messaged Adam was if "it was safe to unblock me". Like dude, Neverland was 4 years ago get a grip. I mean yeah, I'm playing up the arch enemy aspect on my side but that's more for my own amusement/Adam's loyalty. I genuinely didn't have an opinion on him anymore. I mean, I do NOW but I assure you it is purely built on self defense. Admittedly, I wasn't on my best behavior during that time and I will apologize for it but damn dude keep my name out of your mouth. Speaking of people who won't shut the fuck up, we have Austin!!!!!! He has made a point to swear loyalty to Brains, Brawn and Beauty. Which I get you have only 24 hours to find safety but like do better. He also told Adam that we were targeting him at first tribal council, which is admittedly accurate but also incredibly inconvenient for the rest of us. Luckily Adam seems to hold us in higher regard plus I miggghhhhhtttttt have lied to him a wittle wit in order to make him doubt Austin. 9:49 PM Hey can I ask you a question? Adam, 9:52 PM omg of course 9:53 PM Was I an option for last tribal? Adam, 9:53 PM omg 9:53 PM It’s okay if I was but you have to tell me if my name was written down Adam, 9:54 PM absolutely not??? like im not even joking i did not HEAR your name once or even consider you myself and if anyone else did they never said it to me did austin tell you that? I know every season I'm very insistent on how evil I am but I genuinely believe this season I've crossed several ethical boundaries. Like damn, I voted out my first game ally, I tricked both AJ and Adam into thinking they are in a position of power, and now this bullshit? I genuinely hope that this doesn't blow up in my face cause it very well could but if it doesn't... well now I have a spare ally. So obviously Austin is not coming back under any circumstances. Which leaves the two other schmucks: Lovelis and Devon. Lovelis has yet to message me anything and Devon has been a fun conversation. So... as you can see this is going to be a very tough call. I am going to have to pray on it :/. What's that Survivor Jesus? You think we should save Devon? Ehhhh let me talk to Survivor Buddha first, I'll get back to you. 

just as much i know yall wish i would shut up these people CONTINUE TO TRY ME AND PUSH MY BUTTONS AND I CANT TRUST ANYONE CLEARLY SO I HAVE TO COME HERE TO RUN MY BIG MOUTH basically, i wake up this morning and while i know austin is just on a beauty tribe crusade throwing us all under the bus to try and get the votes back in, which i completely cant blame him for anyone considering we all did blindside him, HOWEVER i decided to message him again this morning and try and get some more tea out of him, i figure if he's hear i may as well hear him out now, in no way shape or form do i plan on voting for him to come back into the game, but i want this information for my own good, so i decide to ask him who all was telling him to vote for me and what was said, and he tells me that kendall, amir, and augusto all said my name AND that apparently they were calling me a rat too?? now, i know, he's desperate so he'll say whatever, but i firmly believe there's usually a little truth to every lie, so upon finding this out i decide im sick of holding it in, so i message augusto and amir to basically call them out. i wanted to play it very carefully because once again its a test of trust, are they gonna be upfront with me and let me know i was on the chopping block, even if they were considering voting for me as long as they told me, id possibly be able to move foward with them, but again, just like last night, i mention it today and i get LIED TO. augusto wants to play dumb and say "omg i never said that! why would i ever say that about you?!" well idk, why would you act like you're my friend and wanna work with me only to join a super alliance behind my back and make a plan to vote me out? he's lied to my face now more than once and so with that, CANCELLED. Amir at least told me he heard my name but guess what he obviously wasnt gonna do it, which is still a lie i know they all agreed to my name because of aj, but at least amir didnt completely undermine my intelligence and lie to me about it. THESE PEOPLE REALLY THINK IM ADAM THE CLOWN, ADAM THE FOOL, ADAM THE DUMMY WHO CANT FIGURE ANYTHING OUT, WELL GUESS WHAT BEAUTIES. I DID. i completely feel like sandra on the villains tribe, i cant STAND these people anymore and what annoys me more than them lying to me, is them thinking theyre clever enough to trick me with this stupid ass lie kendall made up about how austin was saying the vote was on her like gorl plea we still have a few hours on this one world beach, so i decide now is my time to START planting seeds to make my move. i have to be extremely careful here, because while the beautiues have completely enraged me and awoke the beast within, im absolutely gonna return their fakery with absolutely fraudulentism. yall wanna lie to me? ok game on, ill lie 10x as hard to you now. i obvioulsy want to just blow my top and make them feel stupid because i know theyre lying, but i have to be smart, for all i know after this person comes back, we could very well head to our same tribes still, or i end up with a beauty majority and i need them to think im with them .. BUT GOOD GOD PLEASE GIVE ME A TRIBE SWAP, AT THIS POINT ID PROBABLY GET MORE STIMULATING CONVERSATIONS WITH TREES THAN THIS TRIBE. Whoever told them they were beautiful people actually lied to them because theyre all UNQUALIFIED to be on the beautys. at this point i want devon to come back, ive had nice little convos with him and im trying to talk to all the brains to be quite honest because, if it were up to me, i would absolutely flip and work with the brains if they would allow me to work with them because clearly i cant trust the beauties???? HELL, I MIGHT EVEN HAVE TO WORK WITH JAKEY IF HE'D TRUST ME JUST BECAUSE I OBVIOUSLY CANT TRUST THEM??? the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and at this point, the beauties are my enemy. im really hoping my big mouth doesnt get me in trouble because i could be talking to these brains and they very well could go behind my back to the other beauties and im voted off soon, but im hoping they just realize based on the convos im trying to have with them, that im absolutely open to flipping, the beauties may be the devil i know but id rather go home trying to make a move rather than just sitting on the bottom waiting to be picked off, and if the beauties think im gonna just be that person, they made a grave mistake in not voting me out then. If youre gonna throw my name out there, vote me out because i guarantee once i hear it, ill never trust you again. in conclusion, this video about sums up how i feel about the rest of the beauties: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_iM4Z8FkQg

Jeff Probst Voice: And meanwhile on One World Jakey teaches Kendall how food delivery works. djfadklajdkfajkfdjafklds; I feel like a bit of an ass. Me and Jakey talked it over, turns out neither of us entirely remember what our feud was about. We also agreed to be a secret duo while playing up our 'alleged" animosity. I'm keeping him at arms length because I don't entirely trust him but he's easy to talk to, and who am I to decline a free ally. Austin meanwhile continues to spiral further. I feel kind of bad honestly but not enough to save him. He apparently told Adam that we called him a rat? Which, we did a lot of things to Adam but nothing directly disparaging his personality. He's a really pleasant and nice person, he's so pleasant and nice everyone else in the alliance was super reluctant to vote for him while his name was on the table. Which was kind of infuriating at the time but now that we are dealing with this shit storm it's a nice quality. Devon is laying it on thick with me. He has said shit like "I'm rooting for you in the VL" and " I obviously want YOUR trust more than anything in this game" okay that one in hindsight could be a reference to needing a vote. On the other hand he's been very straightforward about not making any promises and I really respect that. It's interesting how everyone wants him back, including the people who voted him out. Which makes me curious, did they plan for this? Lovelis is still a non entity... tribal is in like an hour and fifteen minutes you think he'd pop in with a sup or something? In terms of the idol talk, Jordan and I have compared notes. I told him that Adam probably has it and he told me everyone on his tribe knew about the numbers. So... if we switch it up or go back we can double check and look to see if it's there. I don't entirely trust people on the outside. Don't get me wrong I get along splendidly with Brain and 4 out of the 6 Brawn players seem to enjoy my company. But my loyalty first and foremost belongs to the beauties. You know that, I know that, now let's keep them from figuring that part out. ;)  

okay so, i survived my first tribal. my anxiety was really acting up and i like astral-projected during it, but i survived which is what counts. i've tried to take today off because i dont want this game to be ali has an emotional meltdown the entire time and i think im doing okay. anyway SO liam lovelis went home and i really like him but its also like, he really was not putting in the work to stay, and i really respected Liam M's hustle! so it was what happened, and him fighting Liam M was kinda mean JASKDF like idk what he expected Liam M to do instead, it was just the way things shook out. okay and then we have this crazy twist.. the hosts really really said you are anxious? time to get anxious-er. so we are voting either devon, austin or lovelis back into the game. lovelis has fully gone ghost (at least for me), and i think he is kinda done with the game so i think its gonna be between austin and devon. i think devon is who is going to come back, he is handling this perfectly just chilling and being straight up. otherwise so the people i have spoken to since is: Duncan - a king!! he is one of my oldest org friends, he has a different energy now, am determined to prove to him i'm not annoying anymore - loved that he admitted to me he used to find me annoying Augusto - he is really lovely, already clearly MEGA social which is really scary! i like him a lot tho could be a good person in a swap Devon - seems like a king get good energy from him. think he is painting austin as messier than he is and is spreading the narrative of austin making deals but im not fussed austin- seems sweet but idk if he has handled this round right AJ - a king i like his energy!! but yes hopefully devon comes back and i get a good swap... that we pray for

This was such a simple game when I just had me and my cute lil alliance of 4 and that was just 2 days ago.So much has happened in the past 2 days. -Our alliance of 4 creates an alliance of 5 with aj included. -Adam makes a 4 person alliance of me aj and Augusto. - the vote goes to Adam and we all tell everyone it’s Adam, and then it’s changed to a Austin - Austin wants back and to end the beauties. Also exposed us to Adam -Devon wants to come back but brains also want him back, -Duncan wants to work with me -duncan is super tight with Scott and autumn and wants me to get close to them - I’m getting close to jakey, and building a bond with Jordan and dan. - an interesting dynamic is that Duncan doesn’t like Ali, Duncan loves autumn, and autumn loves Ali. - Adam and jakey are also at odds 

OH MY FUCKING GODDDDD I JUST ... HAD AN EPIPHANY AND IM PROBABLY BEING INSANE, but i think... i think that adam and aj are super close and have a final 2. The vote was originally adam, but the night after we told aj, adam compaigned hard and we all changed our minds. Furthermore, they both knew about the idol system. FURTHERMORE, adam was like "i feel like im missing out on so much" during the unscramble challenge but he had no way of knowing we were all on call. They both know l'shei, they both have the same emoji in their name, they both just replied to me saying something similar at the same time. It is basically all coming together in my head and long story short, we fucked up. Augusto, connor, and kendall have no idea how much we really fucked up but this all could be me making shit up but idk idk ahahahahahahhahahahhahahahaha we r FUCKED AJ HAS AN ALLIANCE WITH ME AND AUG KEND CONNOR IF HE TOLD ADAM LMAAOOOOO WE R FUCKKEDDD

WHEW this game, this game. Y'all have taken me on so many emotions in the past 48 hours I couldn't even stop to processing winning Survivor Reels lmaaaaooo. Y'all really had me do that ugly counting challenge, where I messed up twice and ended up with 5 points only for my Skype to stop working for a good 2+ hours. Then Scott won immunity, which meant I had to kill either my dad Duncan or my bb Devon, which was super darksided. THEN after all that and saying my dramatic ass goodbyes, y'all pull out a buyback??? https://i.imgur.com/kQ6umpV.gif BUT ITS OK BECAUSE NOW I GET TO KEEP BOTH AND THE DADS ARE STILL TOGETHER!!! Devon is staying and we been knew. You know I love him if I'm not even mad that he voted me so everyone remember this moment cause that's usually grounds for dismissal in my world. But ugh I'm so happy y'all don't even know. I've really hit it off with a few people too so I'm just feeling myself. I fucking love Augusto we are the same person no lie and I'm also a big fan of Adam, Jakey, and Amir. So even if I get separated from the dads, I can make this work. I'm ready to swap and I just gotta keep misting man after man which I can definitely handle https://media1.tenor.com/images/fe32b9e859965acabe245a41b77e2153/tenor.gif?itemid=4608580

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBquewn3tnw

[flowerconcept-blog]

neighbor!ken

is……………. kinda a mess

has a lot (like a LOT) of one piece figurines nd plushies….. as well as a lot of regular stuffed animals everywhere…….

he works as a singing instructor and his students always get him stuffed animals because he always mentions he likes them, so it’s like….. he has a bookshelf full of stuffed animals and then there are a couple of books just hanging out

if u looked at his apartment you would probably think it was a teenagers but nope, it’s lee jaehwan’s and he’s a full fledged adult!!!!!

always guaranteed to have a bunch of candy around

spends his nights watching comedy shows and probably attends a monthly comedy workshop where he’s the youngest student and all the old men are like “not bad jaehwan” when he does his mosquito imitation

he loves humor!!!!!! he loves to laugh!!!!!! he tries out the gags he learns on taekwoon and he gets totally shut down it’s ……. well it’s not surprising at all really

ken doesn’t live in the same apartment building as you, but he lives in the one right next door to yours and your living room balconies are only a few feet apart

it took some while getting used to because the two of you are sort of all up in each others business, but your rent is pretty low so honestly it’s worth it

you don’t talk to each other often, but every week or so you end up hanging up the laundry at the same time as jaehwan and he really likes to talk……. so you’ll get in small conversations but you wouldn’t consider yourself friends or anything??

but you kind of wish you were……… because he’s so bright and cheerful and cheesy but in a good way, and you really like to see him rushing around his apartment doing something or another while you’re eating your dinner!!! he just has such a lively energy! and it’s hard not to like him

whenever you catch his eye through your window he waves super enthusiastically and it makes you smile

and honestly jaehwan also really likes to see you snuggled up and watching your dramas…… like the reason you accidentally catch his eye a lot is because he finds it hard to not steal a couple of glances at you when you’re in his eye sight !

he keeps trying to come up with excuses to talk to you or go over to your apartment, but because you’re in different complexes it just feels weird and even he isn’t outgoing enough to go over and try to figure out your apartment number

until one particularly windy day a freak underwear accident happens!!!!!!! fate is real folks

he just did his laundry and a bunch of his underwear (and other clothes but mostly his underwear) are hanging outside to dry and you have your balcony door open because you like the fresh air

but apparently jaehwan didn’t pin his laundry up well enough because suddenly this intense gust of wind catches them and pretty much propels most of his underwear into your apartment

so u……. walk out of your bedroom and……….. there are a bunch of different boxers and boxer briefs on your floor???? some are one piece themed???? some of them are superheroes???? one is even blue and yellow polka dots, the most tame one is a classic plaid

and you’re like. these arent mine wtf

you probably should’ve realized they were jaehwan’s right away from the one piece, but in your defense it’s pretty startling to see a bunch of underwear that you don’t own when you aren’t expecting it

then u hear it…… jaehwan’s loud voice shouting your name

“do you have my underwear?!??!??!?!?” and you’re like “SHHHH i dont want mrs jang upstairs to hear and spread rumors about me!!!!!!”

but jaehwan’s just grinning (why is he smiling??? guess what it’s cuz he finally has an excuse to come over to ur apartment) and is like “i’ll come over to get them!!!!!!”

ur about to be like……..i can just hand em over/? but he’s already out his front door and within 6 minutes there’s a knock on your door and you’re like. i’m don’t think i’m prepared for this…. to see him up close…..

you really aren’t because when you open your door you’re like WOW what a FACE what a VISUAL wow!!!!! (but to yourself because jaehwan does not need that sort of ego boost)

he sort of lets himself into your house and collects his underwear while chatting away and you’re standing there thinking…… wow he could be wearing a pair of batman boxers rn and i honestly….. find that kind of attractive. f*ck

and jaehwan can’t pass this opportunity up so hes like “you saved my favorite pair of underwear…. let me give u something in thanks ;-)” and ur like “that…. is okay” but he’s like “no no please, would u like to come over for some drinks?”

and ur like looking at him and ur like. ummmmmmm. do i? DO I? ?????????

but externally u act cool and calm and collected

that night the two of you get wine drunk (jaehwan strikes me as a wine man) and complain about the bothersome neighborhood association and he does his squidward impression and you do a genuine spittake which just makes him more excited

to be honest the spittake is when he knows you’re The One™

and after that you guys start hanging out more, when the weather is nice you’ll sit on your respective balconies talking and eating your dinner together

but then other times jaehwan shows up with a bottle of wine and popcorn when he sees you watching a movie …. and jaehwan is an extremely cuddly friend you discover, because you always end up with his arm around you but it seems ? to be entirely platonic? as much as you wish it wasn’t

it is not meant to be platonic ,,,,,,,,,,, but despite all jaehwan’s bravado and flirtation he hasn’t genuinely liked someone for a while, so he’s worried about actually asking you out and he’s holding off on it

until one night he and his friends go out to drink and he gets super smashed off of soju, and when he gets back he sees you in your living room and he’s like Thats IT!!! im gonna DO IT!!!im gonna ASK EM OUT!!!! WOOHOOOOO

so he stands on his balcony and HOLLERS your name and u go outside like “jaehwan oh my god it’s almost midnight please be quiet you KNOW mrs jang will call the police”

“I LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I DONT CARe IF THE POLICE KNOW IT!!!!!!”

u……………… are truly shocked………. happy of course because you like him too but you know drunk jaehwan and you know you need to pacify him somehow or he’ll wake up the whole complex

so ur like “i like you too jaehwan but you need to go to sleep!!!”

and hes whining “kissssss meeeee” and makes a kissing face and you want to die but you tell him you’ll kiss him if he promises to go to sleep right after

your first kiss is the two of you leaning across your balconies and jaehwan smelling of booze and you will never let him live it down but it still manages to be the start of a pretty darn great relationship

the next morning he texts you like “im so sorry but also you like me ;-) lol”

“jaehwan you like me too you idiot”

“wanna date?”

cute am i right!!!!!!!! your relationship doesn’t change that much but now he’s super aggressive with cuddling and kisses and super whiny when you tell him you need to do work or have to go

buys you pajamas that match his and coos at you when you wear them!!!! always asking if u guys can adopt a dog and you have to remind him of the apartment rules and he’s like well when we move into a house together can we adopt a dog and ur blushing but ur like yes jaehwan!!!! takes you to comedy classes and it’s a big mess but you enjoy it !! sings loudly in your shower and acts like he didn’t know you could hear when he comes out

he’s wearing his one piece underwear the first time you have sex and calls them his lucky boxers and you hate that you find that endearing

just really enjoys engulfing you in hugs and kisses and being a vaguely annoying but still pretty cute bf

[obijuan-cannoli]

Ok so I watched The Last Jedi sunday morning and like every SW fan out here I have A LOT of feelings about it. Even if I rather enjoyed it, there’s still quite a lot of problems in terms of plot and characterization that really bothered me and made me question whether or not Rian Johnson actually watched a SW movie before or if he just decided to change everything for the sake of originality and shock value (he did).

So here’s a list of everything I liked and hated about TLJ, because I need to vent for the sake of my sanity (also, it’s my blog so I do what I want). Spoilers under the cut.

What I liked :

- the cinematography. Probably the best thing about the movie tbh. I don’t remember everything but here’s some shots are really liked : basically all the scenes on Ahch-To, the battle of Crait, the Finn-Phasma fight, the long wide shot of the burning Jedi temple, Snoke’s red chamber...

- new amazing creatures. Porgs are useless but they’re cute so I don’t care, I love them anyway. The nathiers and the crystal foxes are beautiful. My favorites are probably the Ahch-to’s nuns - I hope they’re ok since Rey pretty much trashed the place.

- Finn. Every time he’s on screen I’m happy. That’s the power of John Boyega.

- BB8 being the real hero of this trilogy. Please someone give those droids a medal.

- Rey calling Kylo out on his bullshit at the beginning of the movie.

- the truth about Rey’s parents (at least what Kylo tells her about, he could be lying for all we know). I really thought she would be a Skywalker but I’m actually happy she isn’t. I don’t think I would have liked the thought of Luke abandoning her on Jakku. By the way I really like that scene at the beginning when she asks Kylo why he killed his father, how upset she is over Han’s death and can’t understand how Kylo could kill a father who loved him when her own parents willingly abandoned her. She never had that kind of love and doesn’t understand giving it up so easily.

- Rey turning Kylo down in the end.

- Leia understanding she can’t turn her son back to the light anymore.

- pretty much every scene in which Rey holds a lightsaber.

- though the best scene of the movie is probably the one where the Supremacy gets cut in half at lightspeed by vice admiral Holdo with nothing but the deafening silence of space in the background. TRUE CINEMA.

- that cute (but alas) short moment between Rey and Finn at the end.

- Luke being a troll and then slapping Rey’s hand with that leaf.

- Luke being tired™.

- Luke kissing Leia on the forehead with that lens flare.

- Luke winking at C3PO.

- Luke giving this force projection a whole new look like the fashion icon he is.

- and Kylo loosing his shit when Luke appeared on the battlefield.

- Hux’s “do you think you got him?”.

- I’m still in denial about Luke’s death but that last scene with Luke’s theme song and the two suns mirroring Luke’s introduction on Tatooine in ANH... I was crying real tears folks. I didn’t want Luke to die but at least he had a beautiful death.

- LUKE.

- to continue with the soundtrack, John Williams re-used a lot of music from the original trilogy but I loved it anyway and I’m always a sucker for Luke’s theme song (obviously).

- also seing that slave kid at the end using the force, looking at the sky in hope while holding the Rebellion sign just made me so emotional. It reminded me of young Anakin in TPM.

That’s all for the fun part. Now...

What I didn’t like :

- the character assassination. I’m not going to go into too many details about Luke because I know pretty much everyone agree with me. Luke is a symbol of hope, he believed in his father and managed to bring him back to the light. Darth Vader, the man who terrorized the galaxy, cut off Luke’s hand (among other things), tortured his sister, etc. It makes absolutely ZERO SENSE for him to try to kill Ben (who is his nephew, keep that in mind), especially since he hadn’t even really done anything really dark yet. Running like a coward and refusing to help the Resistance when it’s on the verge of extinction doesn’t make sense either.

- also can we talk about what they did with Poe’s character? They turned him into a complete f*ckboy. He doesn’t listen to any of his superiors, even Leia who’s literary the face of the Rebellion and has been doing this shit for forty years. He gets A LOT of people killed by being reckless and never apologize for it. So I know it’s a complicated situation, everyone is on edge and people will die to matter what decision is taken but still. I really didn’t like this Poe, please give us back the Poe Dameron we all love in the next movie.

- Holdo. I only like her last scene (and her hair).

- Finn. Not really any problem with Finn’s character but more like the lack of Finn in the movie. I don’t know, Finn and Rose’s interactions are cute but in the end they don’t get much done. No time with Rey except for that last scene. I don’t know I just feel like we didn’t see him all that much.

- also I love Kelly Marie Tran but the character she plays is so bland. Rose is cute and all but they should have given her better lines and a better personality in general. 

- the fight with Phasma, which lasted two minutes and which Finn won only because she was distracted. It could have been epic, but no, Phasma was almost even more underused that in TFA. Gwendoline Christie deserved better.

- pretty much all the bad guys deserved better, even if they’re a piece of sh*t. I don’t care about Hux but he was made into a joke during the whole movie (the humour at the beginning between Poe and Hux felt so forced, it was cringy honestly). I actually felt sorry for Domhnall Gleeson. The only good thing was how quick he was to aim his weapon at Kylo when he saw him down. Maybe he’ll get some form of revenge in the next movie? I hope so.

- and Snoke. Ugh. What the hell Rian? Basically Snoke was killed off just to add to Kylo’s character. No explanation on who he is, where does he come from, how is it possible for Kylo to kill him so easily when Snoke can literally hear his thoughts??? Nothing makes sense. I do agree with Kylo getting tired of being Snoke’s disciple and trying to kill him at some point, but that was way too easy. Snoke is supposed to be a very strong force-user, logically he should have wiped the floor with Rey and Kylo.

- Rey and Kylo’s interactions. I don’t know if it’s because of all the Reylo shippers out here or because of all the forced heterosexuality we’re used to see in movies since basically forever, but most of their scenes made me uncomfortable. There’s actually nothing romantic or sexual about it, but it was still weird to watch. It was mostly Rey’s attitude that bugged me. I get why she was so nice with him, she tried to do the right thing and, with Luke refusing to help, she thought turning him back to the light would help the Rebellion. She never thought herself a hero, so she tried to make a hero out of Kylo. Calling him Ben to appeal to his better nature. I just thought it was a big change compared to the last film. Even at the beginning she calls him a “murderous snake”. Her attitude changed too quickly. Kylo’s behavior though didn’t really surprise me. He was manipulating her. The whole time I though about his act with Han in TFA, so to me it was pretty in character. Also with Snoke gone they’re the two most powerful force-users in the trilogy so their connection is rather logical.

- the moment their hands touched though. Was that close-up really necessary? Stop adding fuel to that Reylo nonsense.

- and that shirtless scene. I can’t even, It was embarrassing and unnecessary (as are most shirtless scenes... I’m not here to criticize Adam Driver’s workout routine).

- by the way I’m sad Kylo destroyed his mask at the beginning of the film because I thought it was a pretty dope mask.

- another weird scene was Luke and that blue milk. Who thought it was a good idea? I understand wanting to show us Luke’s routine and how he survives on Ahch-to but... not this.

- Yoda. The puppet looks weird, straight out of TESB. They should have used CGI. Or chosen to bring back Obi-Wan or Anakin.

- Leia using the force in THAT scene (you know the one). I should have liked it but it was honestly too much for me. It gave me Guardians of the Galaxy flashbacks. I understand they wanted to remind us that Leia is also strong in the force even if she wasn’t trained but... how the f*ck do you survive being blasted into space?

- general Ackbar’s death.

- the fact that pretty much all of the Resistance is dead, to the point that the Millenium Falcon can transport them all.

- the plot in general. From the beginning to the end of the movie, nothing substantial happens. The First Order is still there, still way more powerful than the Rebellion. Everyone failed at what they were supposed to do : Rey didn’t get Luke to train her (not really) and she couldn’t bring Kylo back to the light, Finn and Rose didn’t finish their mission and almost died because of it, Poe’s plans didn’t work out either, Kylo didn’t kill Luke and didn’t bring Rey to his side, Hux fails at pretty much everything lol, the Rebellion is almost extinct... And yes failure is a teacher and all of that, that’s what the movie his about (thanks Yoda) but here the movie is ONLY about failure. There’s no satisfaction about that. In generals characters make mistakes AND overcome them in the same film. Here we have to wait for episode IX to see if they did learn from these mistakes. The only one who changed at the end was Luke and he died just after that. It doesn’t make me very hopeful about the next movie.

- also WHERE IS MY MAN LANDO CALRISSIAN???

I wrote so many negative things it looks like I hated the movie but I didn’t, I’m just very critical because I love Star Wars and some characters in particular.

I realize from what I’ve written that it looks like I really hate Kylo Ren but I don’t. I like how different he is from Darth Vader. I like how childish he can behave. I like that, despite Snoke’s influence, he still has ties to the light and can’t seem to cut them. I liked his mask and his fighting style in TFA. I like how manipulative he his. And Adam Driver is a great actor. But I hate the idea of Kylo and Rey together, especially in a romantic way, and I’m afraid that’s where we may be going. I don’t want him to go back to his mother. I don’t want him to have a redemption arc. I don’t want him to be forgiven and to go back to the light. He had two movies to do that, he had plenty of people reaching out to him. Snoke is dead, Kylo doesn’t have anyone making choices for him anymore and luring him to the dark side, he’s doing it himself. He’s done too much to deserve a redemption arc and he DOESN’T want it anyway. I like him as a villain, he’s complex and entertaining, but that’s all he can be anymore. He’s not going to be hero. Having conflicted feelings doesn’t make him more of a good guy, it doesn’t erase all the shitty things he did and the people he killed. There’s only one movie left in the trilogy and I don’t see how he would be able to come back from that. Rey isn’t going to make the mistake of trusting him again, even Leia doesn’t believe in him anymore. And most of all I hate how many characters Rian Johnson butchered in The Last Jedi just to make Kylo’s character more powerful or interesting. Luke’s character was butchered just to make Kylo’s more sympathetic, Rey was too nice, Snoke too easily killed. And that’s what pisses me off the most about this movie. It could have been great if only Johnson cared as much about the other characters as he did about Kylo.

[rodese13]

Money in the Bank Review

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!

WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK!!!

The PPV wasnt even really that bad. The matches were good and the storylines to get here were quite well build so why did WWE had to really f*ck that Womens Money in the Bank Ladder Match so up. I'm so pissed about it that the whole PPV really let a bad taste in my mouth and kinda an unsatisfying feeling.

Maybe because everything was so predictable! I had everything right Except who will be Mr. Money in the Bank. So what will SmackDown do now? Nothing really surpring happend. Even the James interference was predictable, even though I hoped it wouldn’t happen. the only thing that get me hyped was the A.J. Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura segment. And I’m not even that interested in those two characters.

1.The Hype Bros vs. The Colons (Kickoff Match)

This was a good match for the Kickoff Show. And the Hype Bros won so no surprise in this mathch. Seeing ZAck back in the ring was great. I just like this Brosky XD

2. Women’s Money in the Bank ladder match

Carmella (with James Ellsworth) vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Natalya vs. Tamina vs. Becky Lynch

So they really did ist. I just can’t believe it. This is soo stupid. WHY WHY WHY???? The match was soo good and then James had to be jackass who ruins it. I have hoped soo much that he doesn’t interfere, but NOOOO. Why should be a historic Womens match about women, who bet the crap out of each other. If it can be about a stupid men that grabs the briefcase in a WOMEN match. Which IDIOT in the WWE creative team has to be fired for this. The  Womens Revolutions my ass!! They so have to do something about James on SD Live or I really really be pissed for a long time. And SmackDown done so good with their Womens Roster.

AND the big spots they said they wanted to do in their match weren’t there. I don’t remember one thing that was like Holy Sh*t. Like the thing where Sami throw Kevin on that ladder. Autsch.

Additionally only Tamina had her moments and maybe Charlotte but the rest of the Women didn’t hab like a really strong part. Like Becky I don’t really remeber anything awesome she did. Sorry.

3. New Day vs. the Usos

Kofi always looks like he is  dying when falls and crashes through things.

Well the Match was awesome you can’t argue about that even if the end is unsatisfaying. But hey The Usos are Heel so what were u expecting when their titles are in danger. I will admit it, I didn’t thought that the match ends like this but i’m delighted that the Usos are still the Champs.

Like I said in my predictions I don’t want the New Day to become the champs so early and kinda easy. They just got the opportunity straight when they came back and that should have not been even booked like that.

4. Naomi vs. Lana

Is it just me or is Lanas ring gear really the minimum of the minmum.

So Lana has some really good moves and the match was better than I imagined. And I’m happy that Naomi is still our Championess. But Lana really has done a great job, when you think that it was her debut and she didn’t really wrestled that much in NXT.

5. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

It is so Funny that Jinder just has this one face expression. *I’m angry and dangerous fear me* and I just can’t take that face serious. Sorry folks. But he really looks sick. All those veins!

This match was really long. I wasn’t expecting that but they had to do something that Jinder looks good next to an aggressive randy. But why do they always have to be ”injured“ in a match. And off course Jinder wins. It is kind of a Rip off of the last match between them just that the Sin Brothers got more destroyed this time. Done well creative team. Copy paste is always a good solution.

6. Breezango vs. The Ascension

I REALLY LOVED THAT THEY MADE A FASHION FILE AT THE PPV: THEY ARE JUST HILARIOUS!!! And it ended in a match up against The Ascension . So hell yeah. Even though it was a short match but it was good and I love Breezango. They should get those titles. Your listening WWE creative team. Do something good again, damnit.

7. Men’s Money in the Bank ladder match

AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Sami Zayn vs. Baron Corbin vs. Kevin Owens

Of course some had to attack someone befor the match even started and of course that person will return later. And at that Moment I knew Shinsuke won’t win this match. well it didn’t really matter to me because he wasn’t even on my list. BUt yeah it was good how they scriped it.

Of course it was the BEST match of the MITB. A awesome match, that was really good balanced. Every single Competitor had his moments where he took out everyone and was killing it.

And some of those spots looked sick. like the Sunset flip from sami against dolph. I thought there had do be something broken. But I kinda hated that they teased me so much with a winning Sami. I´’m sad ok.  A.J. like always does an amazing job even though I don’t like him that much. but you have to respect that man for the matches he works. Poor Kevin got thrown through every Ladder that was in sight.

Well congratulation Baron.

But yeah the Women still can learn a few things from the mens. It looks more smooth when they work with the ladder and when they “try“ to get the briefcase. But hey it was their first so there is time.

Sorry I got a little emotional here and my english is kinda bad. So yeah. Lets see what happens on Tueday