#and how to drive your man wild in bed is from 1975

[cabbagecrunt]

when i was cleaning out the breezeway maybe a week ago i found these two books together

[damnthoseyes]

The Chateau Marmont

A/N: This is an extremely late addition to @cloudfiveclub‘s writing challenge. Chelsea baby I’m SOOO sorry this is so late I just suck with deadlines! Hopefully it was worth the wait (spoiler: it probably isn’t). As always, please do let me know what you think.

Warnings: fluff + smut. Nothing too wild.

Word count: 3k+

“We can go to the chateau marmont and dance in the hotel room” 

“¿Bebè, dónde estás?”

You could hear him jogging down the hall.

“I’m in here,” you called from the bedroom, still focused on the book in your hands. Your eyes darted up when his form filled the doorway. He smiled widely and walked around the bed, sitting beside you and resting his head on your shoulder.

“What are you doing?”

You looked up at the wall directly in front of you before turning to glare at the top of his head. “Making cookies.”

You felt him shake on your shoulder slightly. “How’s that going?”  You could feel his cheeks expand when he smiled against you.

“Pretty well.” Your voice came out as enthusiastically as you could muster.

He shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable. “What are you reading about?”

“I’m not sure yet; I just started,” you muttered absentmindedly.

“Oh, great, so you’re bored!”

“I am not bored!” you feigned annoyance until you heard his laugh.

He watched your fingers turn the page and sighed. “I’ve been thinking.”

“That’s dangerous.”

“Ha ha,” he said dryly, lifting one of your hands away from the side of your book to entwine your fingers with his. “No really, I have an idea.”

“Super dangerous.” You teased.

He smiled while he played with your fingers. “I think we should go away for the weekend. Relax for a little while. Reconnect.”

You squinted and tilted your head towards his. “What brought this on?”

He lifted his head up and leaned back against the headboard. “We haven’t gone anywhere in a while or spent any proper time together. Alone. I think we should get out of our routines and out of town, just for a couple of days.”

You looked past his head and scrunched your face, trying to think of the last time they had spent more than a couple of hours on their own let alone a day.

“I think it’s a great idea.”

His smile expanded and he brought your hand to his lips. He pressed them to the back of your hand a few times, stroking the side of your palm with his thumb gently. He held your cheek and kissed you slowly, pulled away and slowly opened his eyes again. “Te amo, baby.”

*****

The car was packed and ready but Zabdiel was not.

His slow start to the morning resulted in a slow start getting on the road which was less than ideal. You were hoping to start the 3 hour drive early so you could get into the quiet little town Zabdiel had chosen by lunch time and have a chance to explore a little before check-in.

“Zabdiel!” You called from the driveway, closing the boot firmly. “Venga!”

He stuck his head out of the window on the second floor. “Patience, mi Amor!”

“I think you have me confused with someone else!” You called back. You walked back into the house, running through a list in your head, double checking if you had forgotten anything.

He rumbled down the stairs as you were checking that all the doors and windows were locked. “Listo, princesa?”

You pursed your lips and put your hands on your hips. “Like I haven’t been waiting for you this whole time.”

He strode up to you and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, tilting your head up at him. “Relax, baby. We have the whole weekend.” He leant down and pecked your lips. “Let’s go!” He circled around you and held onto your shoulders, pushing you forward and out the front door, occasionally pressing kisses to your cheek.

*****

“Amor, what are you looking for?!”

Your hips were pushing against Zabdiel’s side as you rummaged around in the back seat. “I can’t find the Sour Patch Kids!”

“Did you pack them?”

“When have you ever known me not to bring the children?”

Road trips always had a game plan with the two of you. You brought the snacks, Zabdiel picked the music and you both took turns driving. You knew what he liked, he knew what you liked, it was a perfect combination.

You screamed in triumph when you found the neon-coloured bag and excitedly pulled it open, sliding back down into your seat. You shook the bag in his direction and he reached in to grab a couple of lollies. He shivered suddenly when the sugar hit him and you laughed hysterically.

“What’s so funny?” His eyes darted from you to the road a few times, watching you throw your head back into the headrest and shake with giggles.

You gasped for air in the hopes of responding to him. “You do that every time!”

“Do what?”

“Every time you eat something sour, you shiver really hard!” You could barely form a coherent sentence through your laughter but you tried to calm down.

“It’s acid ok!” He focused his full attention on the road.

“Baby, it’s sour!”

He turned and glared at you for a second making you giggle. You reached over and cupped his face, running your thumb over his cheek and kept it there while he drove. Your fingers reached up and ran through his platinum hair. He leaned into your touch before pulling your arm down and kissing your wrist then up your arm until you laughed and screamed for him to focus on the road.

*****

You arrived in the middle of the afternoon, dropped your bags off at the hotel and went to explore the town on foot. Cute little stores sold antiques and homewares. You had to beg Zabdiel to let you go into the bookstore because “you have enough books at home that you haven’t read”. He had to beg you to let him go into a shoe store because he had enough shoes at home that he never wore.

You strode around wrapped in each other’s arms admiring the scenery around you. Large, old trees adorned the small streets, their leaves turning golden and littering the sidewalk. Children riding their bikes, giggling to each other. The soft breeze blowing through wind chimes a couple of stores down.

It was perfect.

Eventually, you both started getting hungry and went back to the hotel to get ready for dinner.

The restaurant was quite large but cozy. It was filled with enough people to be busy but not so many that you couldn’t hear your conversation. The view out of the large glass wall was almost as beautiful as the man in front of you. Your heart always melted whenever Zabdiel wore dress shirts with a couple of buttons undone and he knew it. His eyes still shined in the dimly lit room. His warm hand clasped around yours across the table and you got tingles whenever his thumb would caress your soft skin.

Good food, great conversation and alcohol can be a recipe of exhaustion and sooner or later the two of you were walking down the softly lit streets back to the hotel with his arm around your shoulders. Your fingers were loosely entwined with his and as you smiled up at each other you couldn’t help but get lost in his eyes. You could taste the scotch on his lips whenever he leaned down and kissed you, either stopping in the middle of the street or continuing to stumble along, giggling as you tried to keep yourselves from running into lamp posts.

Zabdiel kicked off his shoes and collapsed onto the bed, face-down, as soon as you got to your room.

“¿Estas bien, baby?” You giggled when he groaned into the pillows in response. His feet hung over the side of the bed while the rest of his large frame took over most of the mattress.

“I think I ate too much,” he grumbled.

You continued giggling as you made your way to the bathroom. You looked through your phone for a good song and left it on the dressing table to play. The Arctic Monkeys filled the room as you shuffled around in your bag.

He turned on his side and watched as you slid out of your dress for the evening and slipped into an oversized t-shirt. You looked up and caught him lick his lips. “See something you like?”

“Always.” His response was quick and serious. He smiled as he watched you crawl up the bed to peck his lips. His hand snaked around your waist and he deepened the kiss. You pulled away and kissed his cheek before jumping off and finishing getting ready for bed.

I swear

You shoulders dropped when you heard the words.

By the moon and the stars in the skies.

You looked up at your reflection in the dressing table mirror and smiled before turning your attention back to zipping up your carry bag, trying to squeeze the contents back in.

Zabdiel got off the bed and slowly walked towards you. He rested his head on your shoulders, looking at you through the mirror. “Wanna dance?”

You smiled widely and turned to face him. HIs hands instinctively went to your waist and he started to sway slowly, sliding one hand up your side to clasp yours, holding you close as he moved the both of you away from the dressing table to the middle of the room.

Your hand slid up to the back of his neck and you leaned forward to rest your cheek on his chest while he led you in small circles. He kissed the top of your head loving, softly singing along. You pulled back to meet his eyes.

For better or worse, til death do us part, I’ll love you with every beat of my heart.

Your heart beat faster as his face inched closer to yours, kissing you deeply, releasing his hand from yours to hold you closer.

“Te amo mucho, Amor.” He whispered, moving your hair away from your face.

“I love you, mi vida.”

When he went to kiss you again, the sound of guitars filled the room. You smiled widely and kissed his quickly before breaking away to dance to The 1975. He spun you around and dipped you, holding you in his arms while you laughed. You took his hands, tugging them one at a time while you stepped from side to side excitedly, singing along. You let go of his hands and spun around, maintaining eye contact while you danced around the room.

It’s not living if it’s not with you!

You pointed at him and he laughed while you got onto the bed, jumping in time with the beat. He strode up to you, staying on the ground while he watched you have the time of your life. You moved to stand in front of him, playing with his hair while he held onto your legs.

All I do is sit and think about you.

He looked up at you adoringly and caressed your skin with his calloused fingertips.

It’s not living if it’s not with you.

You bent your knees to meet his face, crashing your lips onto his. Zabdiel’s fingertips dug into your thighs as he sucked on your bottom lip. His tongue swiped across your lip and you granted him access. Your tongues danced just as you both had not a moment before. He lifted one of your legs under his arm and you held onto his neck as he lifted your other leg and lowered you down his torso until your legs were wrapped around his waist and his hands held onto your ass.

One of his hands came up into your hair as he lowered you onto the bed. The urgency in his kiss was palpable as his hands roamed your body, down your sides and over your legs still clutching to him. His mouth moved down to your neck, feverishly placing open-mouthed kisses all over you. You gasped when you felt his teeth gently dig into the skin at the base of your neck.

His hips ground into the space between your legs and you squirmed under him, the wetness in your core becoming more evident under his touch. You started unbuttoning his shirt while he hovered above you. He lifted himself to his knees and took it off, throwing it to a corner of the room.

Your legs dropped from his waist and you watched as he removed his pants slowly, not talking his eyes off you for a second. He lifted one of your legs and kissed his way up to your inner thigh. You smiled in delight and reached for him when he held your eyes as he attached his lips to a small section of skin.

His fingertips slid up your thighs and grasped onto the sides of your underwear, gently and sensually pulling them down over your knees and throwing them aside as well. You sat up and removed your shirt, lying back down as he crawled back up to you, his hand hovering over your now dripping core.

He delved into your mouth again and ran a finger through your folds causing a muffled moan to come out of your mouth. He pulled away and watched your reactions as he teasingly moved his fingers just enough to drive you wild.

“How'd you get so wet, mami?” He smirked down at you and tried to hide his smile as you tried to grind down on his fingers, desperate for more friction.

He slowly slipped two fingers into your entrance and curled upwards. You arched your back and let out an audible groan. Music to his ears. He pumped them inside you slowly and deliberately, watching you bite your lip as you forced yourself to keep your eyes open, keeping your eyes on him.

“You know what I love most about you, mi amada?”

You shook your head, whimpering a “What?” while his fingers continued their attack.

“I love what happens to your face when I do this.” He suddenly plunged his fingers as deeply as he could into your pussy to the point where you could feel his rings trying to enter you as well. You moaned incredibly loudly and arched your back significantly, pushing your head as far into the mattress as you could. He smiled in triumph and picked up his pace, pumping swiftly and deeply until your walls were suffocating his fingers.

He kissed your cheeks and neck as you shuddered uncontrollably, muttering his name and telling him you needed more. He used his thumb to rub your clit while you gripped onto the back of his neck until you climaxed spectacularly on his fingers and hand.

You tried to control your breathing as he kissed your exposed chest, his fingers still pumping slowly until you had fully come down from your orgasm. You took his face in both of your hands and pulled him towards you, roughly attaching your lips to his, only pulling away when you were completely out of breath again.

He removed his fingers from your core and admired them for a second before taking one into his mouth and sucking it clean. “You want a taste, baby?” He ran his other, still wet, finger over your bottom lip before you took it into your mouth.

It was only then that you noticed how hard he had gotten.

You reached down and caressed his member, hearing him hitch a breath before taking your wrist. “Uh uh, mami, I’m not done with you yet.” He motioned for you to rest against the pillows so both of your bodies were fully on the bed. He positioned himself between your legs and held onto your knees, spreading them and admiring your still leaking core.

“How’d you get so pretty?”

You laughed in embarrassment and covered your hands over your face when you realised he was talking to your vagina.

“All you, papi!”

He raised his eyebrows and finally met your eyes as you continued laughing. He leaned over so he was level with your face and kissed you desperately and passionately. Your hands flew to his hair as you tried to deepen the kiss. Your tongues swirled and danced in perfect sync. He still tasted like scotch, it was just as intoxicating as when he kissed you on the street.

He reached down to align his impressive length with your entrance, slowly pushing himself into you. Your grip in his hair tightened and you both moaned into his kiss. His hand came up to hold your face and he started to thrust into you slowly. You felt every ridge and vein of his cock as he slid out of your tight core and pushed back in. His animalistic groans and the sound of the headboard hitting the wall filled the room.

Zabdiel’s hand came out of you hair and held your neck. He pulled away and lifted himself up to his knees, pounding into you from a higher angle. He applied a little bit of pressure to your neck and you closed your eyes, lost in ecstacy.

“Más, baby,” you whined, moving your hips to meet his thrusts.

He lifted one of your legs, throwing it over his shoulder and pushed his hips into yours relentlessly. His hand came off your neck and glided down you skin to caress your breast, squeezing it in his large hand and flicking his thumb over your nipple.

Your walls clenched around him and you knew you were close. You begged him to go harder and he obliged, moving to circle your throbbing clit with his thumb.

“I’m close, Amor,” he groaned, pounding into you desperately.

“Me too,” you panted.

“Come on, baby, come all over me. I wanna feel you come,” he was barely keeping it together but you weren’t doing much better yourself. A couple more thrusts and you came completely undone. Shuddering and shaking, screaming his name, your nails digging into his back and scratching up his shoulders. He came soon after. Moaning for you, gripping into your hips and spilling his hot seed inside you.

He hung his head as he tried to catch his breath, pulled out of you slowly and rained hot kisses all over your face, neck and chest while you tried to control your breathing.

He lay beside you, threw his arm above his head and closed his eyes, still breathing heavily. You rolled over on your side and faced him. “So, are you glad you came?”

He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and giggled, using his arm to cover his face. He rolled over to face you and started playing with your hair. “Yeah, I’m very glad I came.” He pecked your lips and pressed his forehead to yours, listening to your phone still playing.

[peanutbutterisland-blog]

Black Mafia - short story

Black Mafia- also in archives 

This is a fictional story written by Owami Jackson. Leave all assumptions and expectations at the door, welcome to a world inhabited by a few and run by many.

Chapter 1- Welcome to the Mafia

It is said that a city is the representation of its people, the rougher the edges the more connected the people and non could be  truer than the city of Fermount USA. It was a large industrial city, built on the backs of black Americans who had settled on the land after the emancipation act was introduced. The businesses were family owned and the community was forged together by hard labor and a deep engraved mantra for ‘fuck the man’ but this city was not backwards thinking at all,  it was 1970 and the world was changing and so was the city of Fermount. Throughout 1970 to 1975 the city came alive, with buildings being erected everyday, and in time the city lit up with new opportunities, clubs, hotels, stadiums and restaurants grew over night like wild mushrooms and one family struck while the iron was hot.

With every building that was erected in Fermount the Washington family had their hands in its creation. A prominent black family that had its soul engraved in Fermount, the family was so big that they inhabited both the East and West of the city and within the inner city is where they flourished. They owned every club and large property within the inner city or at-least had their hands in it. They grew there money from organized crime in the early 60s and invested it in the city of Fermount, they had close affiliations to the Mayor and governor of Fermount and where respected and feared within the city. With such a large family there had to be a large patriarch and his name was Luis Washington or better known as Father. He was the head of the family and all operations of the family business. He was a large man who had a lot of love and was fierce when he needed too Be. With everything that he had built he was most proud of his family, his eldest son, Rahim Washington was the next in line for the family business and he loved him dearly, he had a second son Sammy Washington who was always eager to learn the business and had his fathers ferocious temper. He also had twin daughters who ran his heart, he was married to his wife Debra for over 34 years and she was the only person who could calm Freddy down, she ran everything associated with the families money, dirty or clean.

It was a night filled with excitement in the Washington family household, uncles filled the air with inappropriate chatter, drinks flowed faster than a cheap bar and all women whether old or young where in the kitchen. Rahim was in his room trying out different leather jackets and awkwardly pacing up and down the room, he was nervous and exited, he sat on the edge of his bed and waited for the call. 5 minutes later his dad knocked on his door and summoned him down stairs, he came down and everyone was waiting for him. He gave his mom and sisters a kiss and was greeted by stern handshakes by his uncles. All the males in the family got in their bus sized Cadillac's and drove in a concubine to the cities oldest cemetery in the outskirts of the city. The cemeteries silence was pierced by a loud ruckus of cars. Out came large bellied men with hard liquor in their hands all jolly which was a contrast to where they where at. They all circled around the largest tombstone in the cemetery, it was the tombstone of the first patriarch of the family, William Washington who started the family business and created a lineage of men who would do great things for the city. Rahim was brought to the front of the tombstone, he said his respects and drinks where spilled on the floor out of respect. His dad came forward with a knife, asked for Rahims right hand. Visibly nervous Rahim put out his hand. “Rahim as you do this you not only represent the family, you not only represent the great men who came before you, you not only pledge with blood your loyalty to the family, you do this for your kids and grand kids and kids after that so they can look back and learn about your bravery. This is the proudest day of my life, I am not a man of many words so I will just say God bless your journey and welcome to the mafia” his father cut his hand and Rahim let the blood drip onto his great great grandfathers tombstone, a loud cheer was heard and the family guns blasted the cold night sky, Rahim was now a member of the most notorious Mafia in the world.

Chapter 2- Family First

Autumn had come with all its orange splendor, the trees had ruffles of hazel and the roads where littered with leaves that had fallen to their death from skyscrapers of oak trees. The city of Fermount was cold all year round, even when seasons changed they really didn’t change and on this chilly day on a lonely road a black Cadillac cruised through the outskirts of the city, Rahim had just gotten his license but he had been driving cars ever since he turned 5. In the passenger seat was his best friend of almost 22 years Owen Rochester. Rahim and Owens mothers meet in the hospital while giving birth to them. They where in the same ward and development a keen friendship. Owens father was a drug addict who would hop in and out of his life. He had not seen him in about ten years and frankly he didn’t even care, Owen and his mother where considered apart of the Washington family and lived a street away from each other, birthdays, graduations, funerals and dinners where all spent together. Owen was a brother to Rahim and as much as he didn’t want to admit it Rahim saw him as a better brother to him than his own younger brother Sammy was.

“So how was the induction?” Asked Owen. “It was good” Rahim answered.

“Just good?”

“Yeah it was good what else do you want me too say”

“I don’t know you’ve been talking about this shit since you where ten years old I don’t know I’m expecting a bigger reaction than just good you know?”

“You know how dad is with this whole family shit”

“Negro I am family”

Silence held the air for a while, Unable to contain the excitement Rahim squeezed the rubber steering wheel and burst into a whole monologue about how the night went and how he was now apart of the family business. Owen knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it away from him, the family kept their business hidden from everyone including old friends but Rahim and Owens bond was so intact they shared everything together.  

“So you really not doing this college thing huh?” Asked Owen.

“Don’t see how’d it help me when I’m already set you feel me?”

“I get you man, I’m not even tripping, guess I’ll have to get all this collage ass by myself “ Owen replied

“Now you know your ugly ass ain’t getting no ass”

They both laughed and talked about their love lives and how they want families in the future. They pulled into a field, everywhere you looked was just filled with green, sheep’s grazed robotically and farmers yoked bulls up and down the green sea, ploughing away harvest for the city. They drove even further into an abounded farm next to a hill, they got out the car and had a smoke

“Gets colder every time we come up here” Owen said

“Get me the fuck outta here I can’t even feel my balls” Rahim said.

“I don’t know man I’d move here” Owen said. Owen always wanted the simple life, he was never in any drama and barely had a temper. This was not to say he was not about to jump into the front lines of war if need but when it came down to it he saw himself retiring as a carpenter on a farm somewhere. Rahim had different prospects, his always been intrigued about how the world works, who had the most power and what that power could do.

“Let’s hurry up maybe if we drop 120 on the way back we’ll make it back in time for the game” Rahim said

“Isn’t Jacky Robinson on the field today?” Owen asked

“Yeap”

“That’s one bad brother, running a mud hole on all those white boys”

They both opened the doors of the back of the car, they grabbed two shovels, went to the trunk of the car, opened it up and a bloody naked man in tears was in the back. They got him out and proceeded to walk him to the top of the hill, when they got there they dug a deep enough hole to fit a man of his size in it, they removed the tape from his mouth and he started begging to be let go and ranted every prayer he could remember

“Please Rahim I’ve known you since you where a kid how can you do this to me”

“This is what happens when you steal from our clubs you fat fuck” Rahim replied

He continued to beg and plead till Owen kicked him into the hole they had dug

“Any last words old man” Owen asked

The man cried and started praying in mumbles and piss ran down his leg.

Rahim and Owen both unloaded shots from their guns, buried him and hit the road to make it back for the game.

Chapter 3- Cindy Jackson

Rahim knew how powerful his family was, every cop, jury and judge where in their pockets, every club was owned or invested by them, they had built schools and grocery stores in every part of the city and they had been apart of the rise of Fermounts industrial complex since its birth. Rahim was greeted with respected every he went whether it be clubs or coffee shops but he truly discovered the power his family held when his father asked him to tag along with him to the mayors office in the early hours of the morning. They both wore their best suits and where driven to the capital to meet the mayor. Mr Luis Washington had been dealing with the mayors of the city of Fermount  ever since he was put in charge of the family business, this was nothing new to him. The mayor knew that the Washington family where involved in some illegal dealings but they kept a pampered hand on the family because of all the money they funded to the city. They got to the Mayors house in the upper scale of Fermount, it was where old money came to retire and still had a prestige to it, the Washington’s,  as wealthy as they where, were still looked down upon by the upper echelon of white American liberals. Rahim sensed this when he was greeted by the mayors butler who almost seemed to refuse to give him a handshake, Rahim being the spiteful type, grabbed his hand, pulled his arm in and gave him a great big hug. The mayors house was big but not as big as the Washington’s, this alone showed the power dynamic between politics and the mafia. They where greeted by the mayor himself coming down a long flight of stairs, an elderly white man, with whisks of grey hair in a brown jersey, work pants and black shoes. Rahim stayed back and watched his father converse to the mayor about everything from family life to sports. His father introduced Rahim to the mayor, pleasantries where made with his wife and children and they all sat around the table and talked about the state of the city, later on into the evening the mayor asked Rahim and his father to join him in his office, he poured both men his prized aged whiskey and they toasted to prosperity and that the Bulldogs winning the state final.

“So Rahim your father tells me you’re apart of the family business now”

“Yessir”

“I thought you’d take a liking to politics”

“No sir, that’s way too gangster for me”

There was a slight silent stand still in the room until it was broken by the Mayors laughter.

“Listen boys we have ourselves a big problem here in the beautiful city of Fermount and we need your families help, our piping systems are beginning to rust out, now with what my team is telling me they will ride us out into late October 1980 but after that, the water will be contaminated by the rust and I don’t need to tell you how much of a mess that is, the government implements new piping every 5 years and basically swap the rusty shit underground with new rusty shit which is a waste of money for them, for us and most importantly for me”

“So what’s your proposal mayor?” Rahim asked

“I see we have a eager one here Lewi, anyways New Guinea has a large steel capital, and these mother fuckers pump out steal day and night, I was thinking you boys can go out there, gather up all that steal and bring it down here with all your connections to ports and what not, we will brand the steal tubes and chuck them underground, now because they are slightly cheaper, and I mean cheap cheap boys, we would be making a large amount of money when the government gives us the grant to put in new steel pipes for the city and even bigger money when we sell those pipes to buyers overseas which you boys have such good connections with”

“I see” Mr Luis said

“ So with all the risk that we will have to carry I’m assuming our cut will be slightly larger than yours and your partners?”

“Well I’ll have to speak to my partners about that My boy” the mayor said

Rahim had not heard anyone call his dad “a boy” and was expecting him to leap over the table and ring the mayors head till he choked out and ran out of oxygen but he knew his dad was calm and could separate business and disrespect.

They left the Mayors house at midnight and spoke about the meeting, Rahims dad told him that he would be responsible for this project and over see everything, this was the most responsibility his dad had ever given him and he did not want to let him down

3 months passed and the project was underway, Rahim, his best friend Owen and his little brother Sammy headed for New Guinea, the minute they hoped out the airport they where meet with the islands warm intense weather, nothing they had ever experienced in the cold old city of Fermount. For the past three weeks they would be delegating with the government of New Guinea and setting plans for the exporting of 67 thousand tons of steel pipes and tubing. In the day Rahim went from meeting to meeting making connections along the way and going to mines with Owen, his brother Sammy spent his time banging different prostitutes in his hotel room and going into the islands club scenes, in his mind he was there for a vacation since he felt that his father didn’t trust him with this project. Rahim and Sammy fought a lot almost on the verge of killing each other but they where family and there was nobody you could trust more than your family. On the 2nd week Rahim had had enough of the meetings and decided to go into the market to witness the vibrant culture of the island, Owen decided to stay in and only God knew where Sammy was, as he was in the fruit aisle he saw a girl with large frizzy dark hair. He walked closer and was meet with the most sculpted face of beauty he had ever seen, he offered to help her with her grocery bags. She refused at first but he persisted until she couldn’t fight anymore. As they walked to her car he asked what she was doing in New Guinea but she was dismissive of the question, when they got to the car she realized that some local criminals where trying to steel her hub caps, Rahim dropped the bag and chased after them, tripped one of the criminals and punched his face in, he was able to get away and Rahim ran back to check on the beautiful women he had left behind.

“Are you crazy you could’ve gotten hurt!” she yelled

Rahim smiled and said “So you where worried about me?”

She smiled and said

“My name is Cindy, Cindy Jackson thank you for your help”

“Nice to meet you Cindy Jackson my name is Rahim Washington”

“I’m sorry I was a bit dismissive back there I don’t really know anyone here so you know, always keep your guard up” she said

“I get that, by the tied hair bun and medical supplies I’m assuming you’re apart of the UNICEF relief aid here in beautiful New Guinea?”

She laughed and answered“yes, yes I am, and I’m assuming your some rich business man here for business purposes”

“You can say something like that, so when you’re not saving kids where do you like to have fun”

“Well I’m going to the beach party at about 7, I don’t know if you’ll be there”

“Trust me, anywhere you are I’ll always be there”

They meet later on that evening at the beach party and Rahim introduced him to Owen. They danced and drank the whole night, the next day they walked around the plaza together and talked about everything

“So I’m leaving next week and you’re pretty busy here so when will I see you again” Rahim asked

“I’m leaving in 5 weeks and going back to school in Texas”

“So we’ll meet in Texas then?”

“Wait you’d actually come to Texas just for lil old me”

“Ma��am where ever you go from this point on I will follow till death”

She gave him her address and phone number and after a successful first meeting in New Guinea the boys jumped onto a flight back to the cold embrace of the city of Fermount. 5 weeks passed and Rahim flew to Texas to meet Cindy, they meet at a cafè and before they could say anything Rahim kissed her infront of the whole café.

“Well that’s one hell of a first kiss Mr Washington”

“It thought we should skip the small talk you know?”

They spent the summer together switching from Texas and Fermount, they meet each others families and in the summer of 1978 Rahim proposed to Cindy in her hometown and they moved to Fermount to start their lives together.

Chapter 4- We own this town

Houston Texas is bigger than the church hats mothers and aunties wear every Sunday in this deeply cultural piece of America. Everything is designed to pull you in like a gravitational force, the word subtle is not known in Houston. The restaurants and diners have food that would feed a whole village, the roads are wider to make way for every 20 year olds pimped out Cadillac. The women are chiseled from Gods personal special chisel, never lacking frame or body, it’s as if They were designed just to be looked at. There are churches in every corner of the town and the sun bullies the sky 20 hours of the day. Rahim always found it weird that Cindy would come from such a bombastic state. She was timid and slender, she never said a lot and when she did her voice was softer than the rustling leaves in the fall but her eyes held all the attitude that the state came with. She could look at you for a second and draw your attention from a mile away, she had the most generous heart it was almost bigger than her frizzy dark hair. Rahim had fallen in love with her all over again when he saw her walk down the aisle. The wedding came with all the dramatics of a church charity function, flights where delayed, uncles came from each direction with tales of their conquest and hard bottles of liquor, The Washington family alone came with about 200 people, each flying down from Fermount or driving. Weddings, baptisms and funerals where compulsory for the family and this was no ordinary wedding, it was the wedding of the future Patriarch of the family. Fermount was too cold to have such a joyous celebration and whether Rahim liked it or not Cindy held all the power of where the wedding was gonna take place. It took 7 months of planning and all the money invested into it you would think they where building a new club but this had to be huge, the Washington’s believed that a man only gets married once. The wedding drew mayors, delegates, owners of banks in both Houston and Fermount, baseball players and mobsters from all around the country. It was a 3 day festival with enough alcohol to fill the Nile and enough food to feed two starving countries. After the wedding Cindy and Rahim headed to Fermount where a 8 room mansion was eating for them, bought of-course by the Washington’s, 3 cars and  even a liltle puppy, life was blissful.

Winter had hit Fermount and it was colder than ever, the lake had frozen over, the trees where naked and everybody was inside. Not the mob though, trucks still moved city to city, clubs still operated and Rahim was busy delegating the implementation of putting in new metal tubes in the city. It was 3 years since Rahim stepped foot in New Guinea and it seemed like the project took years to get started but they where at the final stretch and money flooded in like well.. a flood. It was 7:30 in the evening and Rahim had just got back home. He shouted Cindys name and she answered, she was in the kitchen, Cindy was a genius in the kitchen. She spent her day working as a doctor in Fermounts top ranked private hospital and her nights going on romantic adventures with Rahim, He loved the fact that she was an all round working women. All the women he was used too including his mother had only been housewives. Rahim would get home, change, help Cindy in the kitchen and they would have diner and talk about the day and listen to records near the fire place with a glass of wine. Rahim was planning to do just that but as he was about to give Cindy a kiss he got a call, he went into the living room and picked up the telephone, it was his dad. His father never called unless it was something about business or family. Rahim knew it was important by the sound of his dads voice, he could always tell his dads mood by the sound of his voice and his dad was worried. He grabbed another leather jacket and leather gloves and jumped into his car. The house he grew up in was just a 15 minute drive. He got there in record time , kissed and hugged his mother and sisters, his brother was watching the reruns of the game, he was about to head out as well, they nodded at each other

“Where’s dad?”

“Where he always is”

Rahim went down to the office and found his dad in a dimly lit room smoking on a cigar.

“Hey pops”

“Hey, Rahim”

They gave each other a hug and took a seat

“How’s the wife?”

“You know still giving me orders”

Mr Washington laughed

“I’m waiting for my grandkids Rahim”

“I’m working on it dad”

“You better, I have a lot of spoiling to do before I leave this earth”

“You’ll be here for a long time old man”

They both took a sip of whiskey and with a heavy sigh Mr Washington reveled that his brother has been stealing from the family And selling critical information to the FBI.

“I can’t do it Rah, he’s my brother”

“Have you told anyone else”

“Only your mom knows”

“Fuck! His my uncle pops”

“I know”

“So you want me to off him”

“No! He’s family, he’s my brother, I’ll need you to take those brief cases, they have 500 thousand dollars, tell him to leave this city and never look back, he knows his family will be safe”

“I got you”

Rahim got in the car and decided to do it in the same night so he could get the weight off his shoulders, while driving to his uncles house he couldn’t believe that his uncle would do that, his own flesh and blood. He could see how broken his dad was, while Rahim went to deliver the news and brief cases to his uncle his dad went to the baptist church house, he always went at this time, he would just sit at the back of the church, say a little prayer and go back home, he believed he had done to many evil things to sit any closer. Rahim got to his uncles house greeted all his nephews and asked his uncle if they could take a drive around the block for some liquor cause he felt disrespectful coming into the house with nothing in his hands, he also didn’t want to tell him the news where anybody could get the chance of hearing. They went to the local liquor store, and when they came back into the car, before he could start the car he told him why he came to see him

“You dare accuse me of betraying the family you little shit stick”

“Dad sent me here Unc”

“Tell my fucking brother to come see me himself and not send his little fuck head of a son too send me a message”

“You broke him Unc, you broke us”

The car was silent until Rahims uncle asked

“So is that why you’re here with that briefcase, you want me to leave my family”

“We’ll give you time to say goodbye but you have to leave before the rest of the family hears about this”

“All the shit I did for this fucked up family and this is how you thank me! I gave my heart into this business, before you could even walk I was in the front lines of war and what do I get, FUCKING NOTHING! Your father does deals with presidents and what do I get nothing no appreciation no reward, I just want what’s mine”

A tear dropped from Rahim’s eye, he knew where this was heading,he knew that his Uncle was stubborn and this would end bad. His uncles voice turned raspy and he started crying

“I just wanted my share Rahim, I’m not going anywhere, I rather die than run away like a coward, they got the drop on us Rahim, you think all this fancy shit comes without a price, this car, your house our whole lives are built on the blood of our enemy’s, and I’m not going to go down without a fucking price, I need to go”

As he grabbed the door handle, Rahim held his shoulder and told him he can’t leave

“You think I’m gonna listen to you Rah”

His uncle took out his pistol and pointed it at Rahim

“Let me go Rah”

“Family first unc, family first”

With a quick motion, Rahim drew his gun and shot his uncle in the stomach, his mouth open in shock and tears coming down his face he drove back to his dads house, ran passed the living room and collapsed on the couch in tears, he told his dad what had happened and he burst out in tears. His mom came down and saw her son on the floor drenched in blood and her husband in tears and knew exactly what had happened. Rahim kept on saying he was sorry to his dad, his dad came back to his senses , asked Rahim where the body was and Rahim told him that he was in his trunk, he grabbed his jacket and his mom gave Rahim a kiss and told him it was all going to be okay, they drove to the local bar they owned, it was about to close and the owner, a close family friend was about to lock the door when Rahim and Mr Washington suddenly burst in, they told him the story and without hesitation he agreed to help, they layed his body next to the bar and staged it as a hit. Rahims dad told him to go back home and everything was going to be okay, he could not stop repeating the words “I’m sorry”. He drove back home and fell to his knees at the door, Cindy came down and helped into the shower, washed the blood from his body while Rahim told her what happened , she knew Rahims family was involved in the mob life but this was her first encounter with the seeds that the mob life had sworn, she grabbed his clothes and threw them in a fire and held Rahim the whole night.

As expected the next day the whole family was in awe when they heard the news, retribution had to be delivered, Mr Luis paid a hefty amount of money to another mob family to take responsibility for the hit and to sacrifice one of their men for retribution. For the next few months Rahim had nightmares and held a guilt that took over his days and nights. Cindy was there right by his side throughout the whole way. They decided to take a vacation to Rio and when they came back Rahim seemed to have left his guilt in the warm waters of Rio and came back ready for business

A new mayor had taken seat in Fermount and he had a no nonsense tolerance to crime. He worked with the government in stopping organized crime and had set out an investigation for the new metal pipes in Fermount. This was going to take a lot of money out of a lot of important peoples pockets and the family had no choice but to assassinate the mayor but they had two problems, if they did chose to assassinate the mayor they would start a war with the US government who was on their tale but for the latter part of the years has kept a distant leash on them, the family had the backing of men who only saw money so they could handle a war with the US government but the other problem was financial backing from banks, and even though they had investments in most of the cities banks, the government could stop all that cash flow. After numerous meetings with the family, delegates and dirty politicians they decided to go ahead with the plan. High investors decided to pay the family 20 million each as insurance that if the US did fledge out a war, their investment and money would stay intact, if the US didn’t start a war, which was unlikely, they would give back the money.

Mr Luis gave the job to his son Rahim. Rahim asked if he could take Owen and because Owen knew about the inner dealings of the family his dad agreed agreed, Rahims brother Sammy had left for Paris and did not tell any of his family members, atleast they knew where he was this time. Before he left for the job Rahims dad gave him a hug

“You know you get older everyday I see you Rah”

“Not as old as you old man”

They both smiled

“I wish your brother had as much  love as you do for me”

“Don’t worry dad his just going through a phase”

“I guess so, Rahim never forget that we are not rich because money and jewels alone but we are rich because of knowledge, with the right information we can bring a country to its knees”

He gave him a kiss on his forehead which was weird cause he never showed any affection. He only gave kisses to his wife and daughters.

“Oh pops I have something to tell you, uhm I was gonna save it for the family dinner but..”

“Then save it for the family dinner Rah, we’ve got a job to do”

Rahim and Owen waited outside the country club where the mayor played golf from 2 to 3pm, after that he took a drive to the barbers spot to get a shave and catch up with his father who was the owner of the establishment, after his golfing session they followed him to the barbershop, they took out their ski masks from the glove compartment and AK47s from the trunk of Rahims car and walked towards the window of barber shop and let all rounds go, glass and bloody bodies where on the floor, Rahim walked into the barber shop, looked the mayor in the eyes while he was on the floor trying to clench his fathers body and shot him dead.

They came back home ready to tell the family of the successful mission only to find a large fleet of cars at the family home, Rahim ran into the house and found out his dad had collapsed from a heart attack and had died. Every man and women had tears in their eyes. Rahim had cried out all his tears for a day and knew he needed to be there for his family.

The funeral was the biggest the city had ever seen, bigger than the mayors funeral, the government was on the family’s tale closer than ever before but that had to wait for now, mobsters and gangsters from around the world came to the funeral. If felt as if the president of the United States was being laid to rest. Rahim delegated the whole funeral, every flower in the city was thrown into Mr Luis Washington’s grave, speeches from Delegates and diplomats from around the world pierced the cold air and food was served to feed the whole city. Throughout the whole funeral Cindy stood besides Rahim and his mother, he went to say a few words with his wife Cindy in his hands.

“Goodbye old man, we’ll meet each other again, and I can’t wait for you to meet your grandson, I love you”

A few days after the funeral, Rahim was brought into a room with all the males of the family, all the investors of the family and all the mobsters of the city, he was being inducted to being the new leader of the family and family business. He walked to the head of the family, raised his glass of whiskey and said

“To the family”.

Chapter 5- From Russia with love

It seems every hospital has the same cold air rushing through it, the same bland light blue textiles and blinding florescent lights. It’s a place designed for anxiety and for being uncomfortable, but the Fermount Saint Private hospital was in for a rude awakening. The Washington family flooded the entire top floor maternity ward   With leather jackets, southern brute accents, wails from toddlers, chatter from Aunties and mothers and silent prayers from every grandmother that was there. Every doctor or nurse that walked by was harassed by endless questions that they had no jurisdiction answering. The walls swelled with belly carrying males with expensive clothes and pungent cigar aromas. The top ranked maternity ward in Fermount had now been turnt into the Washington family reunion. Rahim came bursting through the door with a face mask on, blue scrubs and gloves, after a second of silence Uncle Elijah finally asked

“Well boy, spill it”

“It’s a boy” Rahim answered.

Everybody in the ward cheered, mothers sang, and uncles shook hands as if they had broken a new millionaire dollar deal. Rahims mother walked towards him and kissed him on the check and said “Your father would be proud of you Rah” even Rahims brother Sammy came over to give him a handshake and a warm head nod.

It wasn’t minutes till the entire family trickled into Cindy’s hospital room to get a glance of the baby, mothers came in first, then Cindys family and some of Rahims uncles. Owen came in the room kissed Cindy on the forehead and gave his friend who he had grown up with and just watched turn into a dad a great ol hug. They decided to name the child after Rahims dad to honor his name.

The baby was greeted with a convoy of cars all hooting in tune, food was prepared as if it was a wedding or a great fest, in all sense of the matter, it was. After Mr Luis Washington’s death the family needed something new to celebrate, Rahim had taken over fully, only taking delegation from his mother, wife, Owen and Uncle Elijah Uncle Thomas who had guided Rahim into the big seat he had taken over. He had met all the big names he had only heard about in meetings and they all accepted him with warm arms, he knew that as long as he did a good job everyones pockets would be full. Since the government was behind their tail ever since the mayors death they had to operate all legal business only and lease or pause all illegal business but even that didn’t deter the government. They sent sanctions to every Washington owned asset , clubs, houses, cars, banks and new building projects. Rahim knew they couldn’t win a silent financial war. He knew at some point they would need aggression to either scare or hold of the government. So After 3 months of being home with Cindy and the baby. Rahim took Owen, Uncle Elijah and Thomas and his brother Sammy to Russia to negotiate a weapons deal Incase things went sour for the family. When they got there they wasted no time. The President of Russia invited them for dinner. The dining hall was full of deep colored tapestry and wild animal heads. After a dinner with jokes and impromptu Russian lessons they went to the president’s bunker to talk about why they where there. Russia was gearing up for a Cold War with the US and as far as they knew it, if the US could have a civil war it would be better for them but they needed assurance before striking an arms deal with the Washington family so they decided to give the Russians half of their crucial assets, mostly banks and government information they had acquired over the years.

More than ever the war was closer than it had ever been, the US had always had a vendetta with the Washington family and their power but now that envy would be put to the test and Rahim needed to make sure his family was safe, even if they lost.

Chapter 6- Cape of good fear

It is said that while the world sleeps, America watches it sleep. As soon as Rahim, Uncle Elijah and Thomas, Owen and Sammy set foot back on American soil, word had spread that the Washington family had made their way to Russia to negotiate an arms deal. This came to no surprise to Rahim because he knew that they where under immense pressure under the eyes of the government. In fact this is why he chose Russia. There are many countries that would agree to an arms deal but Russia was America’s biggest enemy and with the middle stages of the Cold War, it was bound to ruffle up some feathers. With this move Rahim put The Washington family in the four front of history. The US acted quick, by the end of the week it had already smeared the Washington family name in the press and used the only power it had, money and corruption. They seized all assists the Washington family had with ridiculous warrants and permits. Rahim knew that he was in the end game now. So he set up a meeting with the family delegates, elders and mob bosses from around the word. They all gathered in an underground bunker space in the towns baseball stadium that the Washington family had helped build a few years ago. As far as he knew it everyone’s house was already bugged so they needed somewhere neutral to congregate. The room was full of hazy grey smoke, the atmosphere of the room was heavy, all men in this room had something to loose and they all counted on Rahim to keep that. Rahim walked in the room with a butterscotch trench coat with black leather gloves and heavy winter boots. He took his seat and greeted all the men that where there.

“Gentlemen, as you know we don’t have enough time we need to strike with action, I am not here to waste your time and I am not here to cover my ass”

“Seems like your ass is blasted all over the newspaper every single day Rahim” one of the men shouted. Rahim wanted to respond disrespectfully, in fact he wanted to shoot the man right in-front of everybody but the man who made that jittery statement was the owner of the United States pharmaceutical industry. These men literally funded America and had ties to the mob. This was not a meeting with his drunk uncles or petty criminal bar meetings, every man in this room, with a flick of a button could shut down the United States and Rahim knew the stakes.

“I know that Mr Johnson, this is why we are here to fix that” Rahim him replied

“Now, the United States has a problem with the Washington family, and since you are all tied to the Washington family they have a problem with you. I am here to tell you that this will not end pretty gentlemen. Men will be lost and money will follow. Now my job is making sure that money is not taken out of your pockets, yes this will be a bloody war but it will be a war designed to look bigger than it is”

They whole room perched eagerly to hear Rahims proposition

“We will strike war with the US government, but we will use the backing and power of mother Russia, now if we sell this properly to the media it will seem as if a US family made ties with Russia and decided to take down the government. And since Americans love their country so much and hate Russia and black people it will polarize all the other shit that we are doing on the side, but with this I will need your full cooperation, you have my word that money will return to your pockets and Business will run as usual but I need the word and trust of every man in this room, to stand by this family as we have stood behind you all these years. We will strike as soon as we can so focus is directly on us, the family. Till then I will need you to freeze all assets so that nothing is traced back to you, now obviously we know the government has been following us for years and know who we work with but removing all traceable evidence will make them look like fucking loons when they make these accusations, there will be no hard proof. We will set up mini hot spots where they can catch us and have a field day in the media while they suck each other off, yes we will loose a considerable amount of money but that will give us enough time for the Russian Calvary to strong hold the US and ultimately make a deal with us”

“And you sure this will work?” A heavy built gentleman in the back asked

“Sir this is the only option we have to keep  the United States alive”

To keep a low cover Rahim decided to take Cindy and the baby, Owen and his family, his mother and brother to Cape Town South African. He had a vacation home there and he wanted his family especially his wife to get out of the toxic environment that they had ended up in. Rahim took early walks in the open wine fields with an elderly farmer named Abè who was a family friend, his farm imported 80% of the wine in the United States.

“You know Mr Abè this place is so beautiful I wouldn’t mind living and dying here”

“Mr Washington if I may be frank with you, you will not die here”

“Why do you suppose that Mr Abè, do you think I’m not worthy to die in a beautiful place like this?”

“You are a soldier, your daddy was a soldier and his papa before that, ever since I’ve known your family all the men have died in cold places. This is not because you are not worthy, it is because you are a soldier! You make way for your family to live and die in paradise, this is your calling. You where forged in fire It is a thankless job and an even bitter death but I believe if you where to chose to die in paradise or die in the field of war for your family, you would ask me where the battle field was”

“The battlefield is looking clearer to me every day Mr Abè”

“I know Mr Washington, I know”

Chapter 7- The world needs you Mr Washington.

Rahim had cleansed himself of the guilt of going to war for his family in Cape Town and had come back to American with a clear mind and even clearer intentions. If this was going to be the families time to be introduced into the world, it would be a monumental introduction. When he got back home he received a phone call, he picked it up and it was the one and only, President of the United States. He invited Rahim to the a White House for a meeting. Rahim didn’t know what to say. He knew he was in the big leagues but he didn’t know he would be speaking to the leader of the free world in person. He told his family and they where worried that it was a set up but Rahim knew that if they wanted to make a hit they would have done it already. Later that week he went to his fathers grave with Owen, he stayed in the car as Rahim went to speak to his dad

“Hey pops, I know it’s been a while. Just needed the courage to come see you again. Anyway,  the family is doing good. Your brothers are crazy as usual, ready to die on the sword for the family, mom is doing better. She’s worried about everyone but herself, if you can just let her know that she’s doing the best she can. We have a war in our hands pops. All the greedy men who took opportunities from our people not so long ago are afraid of us now, we have a meeting with the President of the Fucking United States. Look I know things are not gonna end up pretty but I wanted to let you know that everywhere I go I hold the family name high. You’ve done such a good job pops. Thank you, I ask that you guide me as I enter unknown territory. I love you”

The next day Rahim took a private plane to Washington DC to meet the President. He walked into the White House and knew they where in too deep, but he was the first Black man from Fermount to step foot in the White House. He was greeted by the President who had a huge smile when he saw him, it wasn’t warm, he had been around enough gangsters to know when a person wants something from you. They entered the office and began making small talk, after a few minutes the President looked at him and said

“You’re not scared are you?”

“Excuse me?” Rahim asked

“I came into this meeting thinking that you’d see how deep in the water you’ve swam into and would want to forfeit or break a deal but you want this don’t you?”

“Mr President, this is deeper than me, many men before me where stripped of opportunities, land, names and basic human dignity, to build this beautiful country and for me to throw that away now, when we’re at the last quarter would be a shame”

“It is a beautiful country isn’t it Mr Washington? we wouldn’t want the beautiful people in it to worry about it now would we?”

“I said it was a beautiful country, nothing bout its people”

“Be that as it may, you know we have enemies that would like to see this country fall and rumor around the farm is that you’re ur in cahoots with those evil people Mr Washington”

“Well that depends, where  are the rumors coming from Mr President?”

“The chickens are clucking Mr Washington, now this is simple we can go ahead with this in which I guarantee we will win and not only win but make an example out of you and your family or you can relinquish all “power” you have, I give you 2 days to say bye to your family and lock you up for the remainder of your days, and the way I see it, you don’t have that much left”

“Well Mr President I suggest you strap your boots up, it’s about to be a cold winter”.

Rahim came back home took a hot bath, went into his sons play room where Cindy was playing with him. He kneeled down and hugged Them both, Cindy grabbed his head slouched on the floor with him and kissed him, she didn’t need to know how the meeting went. She knew the time had come.

Chapter 8- Too much Power

It was weirdly calm in the Washington household. Mrs Debra was handing out sweets to the kid’s running up and down the house, the wives where gossiping about what they thought was going to happen in the kitchen, and the men of the family where outside the yard around the fire. Rahim came in the house late with Cindy and their son, he had stopped to get more liquor and presents for his mom.

“Sammy can you help Owen with the shit in the car, his outside”

Rahim proceeded to hug and kiss everyone in the kitchen, the living room, the dining room and finally the fireplace. When the food was ready Mrs Debra called everyone in the dining room, Rahim was put at the head of the table. There was so much food it felt like it would fall off the table, when everyone had stuffed food to the rim of their plate Rahim stood up with his whiskey glass to make a toast.

“Family, we’ve Always stood firm against the storm of evil souls that have tried to destroy this family, as I look at you I see the generations that our ancestors helped build, look at us, beautiful as can be, intelligent as can be, wealthy as can be. And all this came with hard work, from each and everyone of you. I just wanted to thank you. For being what you where meant to be, Beautiful, well except for Sammy...I’m just joking”

The rest of the night was filled with laughter and reminiscent chatter, photo albums where open, Motown jams serenaded the atmosphere and children danced for hundred dollar bills. The next day Rahim took Cindy to the hair salon uptown.

“Ayt baby I’m just swinging to the hardware store for the drill and I’ll pick you up in an hour”

“See you soon Mr Washington”

They kissed and Rahim was off to the hardware store, he decided to spend an extra twenty minutes just glancing at things he was not going to buy, this was better than chatting about future baby plans with the ladies of Cindy’s salon. As he turned the corner into the road the salon was in he saw Cindy already outside talking to one of the shop vendors. He also saw a black car across the road from Cindy opening its windows. A silver pistol poked out the window and fired 7 shots, Cindy fell to the floor, opened her bag and fired 3 shots herself. Rahim sped his car but the the car sped across the intersection and had left a trail of cars jumping into the wrong lane. Rahim quickly came out of his car and ran to Where Cindy was. His heart felt like it would beat a hole out of his chest, tears already streamed down his face, he fell to the floor next to her.

“Baby are you okay! Are you hurt! Where did they get you!”

“I’m okay I’m okay”

Rahim helped her up and patted her body like a mad man to check for blood but she was okay. They rushed quickly into the car and sped to get home. Cindy rushed into the house and hugged her son and Rahim held them both. Later that afternoon Rahim sat by the fire with a glass of whiskey and a cigar. He knew that the government would attack but this was sloppy of them, they wouldn’t do it like this and even if they did want to send a message it would be more direct. He figured that one of the mobs had sold out. His head kept on seeing the silver gun that popped out the window of the car. The more he thought about it the more it came to him that he had seen that gun, numerous times, in fact his seen that gun ever since he was 17. He rushed up to his room, put on his trench coat and jumped into his car, he sped to Owens house and told him what had happened, Owen grabbed his gun and jumped in the car with Rahim, they drove to Sammy’s house, Sammy saw Rahim’s car and ran straight into the garage into his car. He backed up the drive way and before he could make a turn to speed off Rahim’s car rammed into his door pushing it against the wall. When the smoke cleared Rahim pulled Sammy out of the car and into his trunk, they drove to the harbor and dumped Sammy into an empty space used for wrecked boat parts and broken cargo containers. Owen  stood behind Sammy pointing a gun at him and Rahim took a chair and sat infront of him.

“Now I know you’re a stupid mother fucker but this stupid Sammy, this fucking stupid! You’d turn your back against the family? Huh!”

“What fucking family Rah? Ever since I was born I’ve been pushed out of this family”

“Shut the fuck up, you chose to do that Sammy, not anyone of us. it was you, you play this wounded dog act to gain sympathy and even when you do get the sympathy you grovel for it’s still never enough”

“Fuck you Rah”

“My wife Sammy, you where the best man in my wedding man”

“I don’t give a fuck about you Rah, your little make shift brother here Owen, this family or that bitch you call a wife”

“You know, as I was driving here I thought of ways of killing you and to be honest, I didn’t have any, I realized I ran out of em, ever since we where young I’ve thought about killing you and I realized I’ve finally ran out of ideas cause I ran through them all, so I’m not gonna kill you Sammy. You’re still my brother. What you gonna do now is hop into that boat, it’s gonna take you to county island where you will hop into an aero plane that will fly you to Spain, to the worlds top ranked disability and injured rehabilitation center where you will spend out the rest of your miserable life, you’ll call mom every week and tell her nothing of what you did or what happened, tell her you couldn’t stand being in the family anymore or whatever pitiful shit you can muster up your ass this time”

“Why the fuck would I go to a disability center in fucking Spain”

“Because Sammy, when we’re done with you, you’d wish that we killed you”

Owen grabbed a chain saw and gave it to Rahim, Owen then singled three men into the room and they rolled a table into the center of room. They pinned a screaming Sammy onto the table.

“So I cut right into the born doc?” Rahim asked one of the men

“Yeap, he’ll feel everything we just have to make sure he doesn’t bleed out and stays conscious”

Sammy cried and pleaded with Rahim, he screamed for help but only heard his own echo and the motor of the chain saw, Rahim cut  Into the flesh of Sammy’s legs, blood splattered in every direction, Sammy’s cries could be heard from the end of the world, Rahim slashed and cut both Sammy’s legs, he put down the chain saw, looked at the agony on his brothers face, looked backed at the chain saw and asked the doctor

“Can we cut his hands aswell?”

Sammy, leg less and armless was then put into a boat with medical equipment to keep him alive. Rahim had taken the one thing that Sammy used his whole life, his freedom and without that he was good as dead. as the boat disappeared into the dark blue waters Rahim gazed on it with tears in his eyes, and a pool of blood drenched on his body. Owen put his hand on Rahims shoulders and said

“It’s time to go home man”

The US governments had sent their first shot and used Rahims own flesh and blood. He knew that they would play dirty but this was a hit he was not expecting. He gathered up all his family members and sent them into different parts of the world, the Washington family had friends in every part of the world, they also had money invested in every part of the world so it wasn’t hard to pack everyone up.  He flew his mother, Cindy and his son, uncle Thomas and Elijah and Owens wife and kids to South Africa in Abè’s estate. He then made a call to Russians to send down fire arms. Within 5 days they where packed and delivered to the Fermount boat harbor. Rahim ordered bombs to be set off in the heart of the United States, Washington DC. On March 2nd 1987 the first civil attack by the Washington family was felt the world over, twelve thousand people in the senate where killed as the US presidency held their annual democratic  state meeting. News traveled fast of how a terrorist family had shaken the very foundations of  the United States. The president called for an immediate call of action to stop the Washington family. Rahim knew that they needed more help from Russia but when he called the president he told Rahim what the US had done, the US government knew that the Washington family was getting backing from Russia so they promised to send a nuclear bomb if they didn’t stop working with the Washington family as they would have grounds to consider Russia as an accomplice to US terrorist attacks.

The US army and Federal Bureau of investigations took to the city of Fermount to find and kill Rahim, he knew that they would eventually catch him so he decided to meet his family in South Africa, and fly with them to Alaska. As he loaded his getaway truck with Owen, US soldiers burst into his yard, they had gotten through the heavy guarded gates and made a B line for the drive way. Rahim and Owen Took the underground get away bunker, a bullet hit Owens legs and he fell to the floor. Rahim tried to pick him up as they made it out the bunker into the exit to the woods. But Owen had lost a lot of blood, He couldn’t continue anymore, with tears in Rahim’s s face he pushed to carry Owen and fell to the floor. Rahim screamed and used all his might to try pick him up but they were slowing down. Owen grabbed his friends hand and said “it’s okay”

“No man I can pick you up don’t fucking give up on me Owen”

“Mate we can’t do this, you need to go, we’ve made it this far man this is where our journey ends”

“No Owen please” tears flowed down Rahim’s face and it felt like he was crying out his soul.

“Listen, tell Elizabeth I love her man, tell my kids about me everyday and tell them that daddy loves them with all his heart, take care of my kids man, take care of my fucking kids Rah, please man”

“You have my word brother, I love you”

Rahim kissed Owens hand, got up, looked back one more, nodded his head and said goodbye to his friend”

Owen took out his gun and put it to the temple of his head.

As Rahim ran through the woods he heard a bang, stopped, looked back for a second and continued to run.

Chapter 8 - let blood run

Rahim had thought that there was no place colder than Fermount, until he spent his first night in Alaska. It was so cold that you would think your thoughts where frozen, it didn’t make it any better that they had a house on top of a mountain but like any good Washington he adapted, his family adapted,  to the conditions, to the constant paranoia, to the inevitability of being caught and to the realization that they would probably never see their families again. Two years had passed since the US government seized every Washington asset known to man. Many of the Washington men had been incarcerated on false chargers and the government paraded the end of organized crime. Rahim’s promise held strong though, none of his business partners where harassed and business continued to run as normal even if it was on a smaller scale. The government realized that Rahim’s plan worked, they had chased the wrong people and because they paraded the end the Washington family in the media they could not go after the real partners of the Washington family. Firstly because they didn’t know where to start without the head of the Washington family. with every Washington man who entered those jail cells not one word was uttered about the families dealings and partners and secondly the public would accuse the US government of wasting money in finding the sole proprietors of organized crime when they had experienced their first recession in 70 years and still had a drug and Cold War to fight. The US President was persistent on finding Rahim and after two years of sniffling him out, the US government made its way to The Alaskan mountains.

Rahim and Cindy walked down the mountain every morning to collect bore water while Mrs Debra and Rah’s sisters set up the table for breakfast. Luis Jr loved the snow and would play in it all day. He had grown so much and looked exactly like Rahim. The morning was colder than usual but the sky was clear, Cindy noticed that Rahim was tense and didn’t talk much during the hike down.

“Baby, you okay?”

“Huh?”

“I said are you okay?”

Rahim looked into her beady eyes, the same eyes he had fallen in love with when he meet her in New Guinea. Her nose was colored with a brush of red, her skin glowed and her hair was full and vibrant. He kissed her and said

“It’s time hunny bunny”

“Time for what Rah?” She replied

He put down the buckets in his hands and grabbed her shoulders.

“They’ve found us”

As if choreographed, one tear dropped down Cindy’s cheek and she asked

“How long do we have”

“How long do you You guys have”

“Wait what, you can’t stay Rah they’re gonna kill you”

“If I leave with you guys you’ll always have a target behind your back, we’ll never grow old and sit on a porch in our big home in Texas and watch our grandkids play in the yard if I don’t do this”

“But babe-“

“Baby listen, what did I tell you in that island bar in New Guinea?”

“That wherever I go you would follow till death”

“And I’m not gonna break that promise, okay”

“Okay”

“Immediately after breakfast a car will come to fetch you, mom, my sisters and Luis Jr. it will drive you to an old military flight school, if you don’t see the military flight school in about 30 mins after you leave from here I want you to shoot that mother fucker clean in the head. You’ll be put in a plane that will fly you guys to New Guinea”

Cindy smiled and kissed him.

“Now I want you to take the black brief case under our bed and give it to Abè, he’ll be waiting for you when you land, and whatever happens-“

Before he could finish what he was about to say Cindy hugged him and said, nothing will happen, we’ll see you soon okay”

“Okay”

Night hit the Alaskan mountains and the fog had masked the house in blinding white snow. Rahim sat alone in the dining room of the small wood house he had made a home for the last two years. He looked around the kitchen and smiled thinking about all the meals they had in here, maybe it was the cold or because the wooden house was so small that they had to be in each others faces but this house reminded him of Fermount, it reminded him of when his dad used to take him and his brother to baseball games, it reminded him of the nights in parking lots he would speed with fast girls and his best friend Owen and it reminded him of waking up 10 minutes earlier just to watch the sun kiss his wife’s face as she woke up. He knew that he would have to sacrifice something if he wanted his families name to live on, he knew the stakes would be high when he drenched his blood on that grave and he knew his dad would be proud of him. As the night lingered he heard commotion and he knew they had arrived. The Alaskan police force together with the US army burst into the property with vehicles going up to the house. Helicopters flew over the mountain with bright lights illuminating the little wooden house. Rahim waited until the vehicles made it close to the house and without warning a huge explosion blew up the house together with the mountain, and an avalanche of fire engulfed every army and police car that was close to the mountain. Alaska was on fire.

In the next few weeks the press was flooded with news of how the US government had killed the terrorist Mob boss Rahim Jackson in Alaska. The New Yorker read

“The Washington’s wicked rain of terror has finally ended.”

Chapter 9 - We multiply

On the noon of August 24th 1991, US government files where leaked to the media. With evidence linking the US government to war crimes, plans to invade Oil countries and civilian surveillance with news of government corruption being leaked on a daily basis. This hit the US government like a shit storm, the public wanted answers, the United Nations condemned the US for its inherent evil human right violations and in every state of the US and every country in the world civilians rioted and protested for answers. The US economy took a hit and trade sanctions were discussed. The White House was frantic and no one had heard anything from the president, he was not answering any calls and he didn’t send out even one press conference. As the president talked to his delegates in his office his secretary burst into his office and said

“Sir you have someone on the phone for you”

“I think it can wait Mika I’m busy with something here”

“Sir, you’re gonna want to take this”

He knew who it was but he didn’t want to believe it, he walked slowly to the white plastic telephone waiting for him on his secretary’s desk, as the delegates, counselors, mayors and military advisors watched, he picked up the phone

“Mr President, I believe I have something you need, I think it’s time we struck a deal don’t you think?.”

The end.

[harrykilledmoi]

A Bell Through The Night

Or the one where Harry surprises you in more ways than one.

Word Count: 7.3 k Themes:  AU, fluff, angst, 70s!Harry, Fleetwood Mac Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader / Harry Styles x Stevie Nicks (circa 1975) Warnings: drug use Author’s Note: I know this is a little late, since the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame train has long left the station but I still wanted to share this! Inspired by this:   “This beautiful child should’ve been born in 1948, too, because he just fits in with all of us.”                - Stevie Nicks [on Harry Styles] 

                              masterlist      read on wattpad       edits

August 24, 1975.

It’s a phone call that has you in the Arizona desert at the tail end of the summer months. Harry had gone down days before you for a meeting. Work had been slow in coming your way for a few weeks and photographing locals for a small newspaper in the city had left you with little to be desired. So when he’d asked for you to join him on this specific day, in this specific place, you were more than excited to oblige. 

The trek from the opposite coast hadn’t been as bad as you thought it would be. You were nervous at first because, up until this point, you had never been on a plane. But there was something about the ride amongst sun kissed, gossamer clouds that made you never want to get off.

Now you were stood at the airport, wedged in a phone booth, camera strapped and hanging from your neck. Your small blue suitcase tucked in between your legs as you rest the phone between your ear and shoulder. Rooting around in your denim jacket pocket for the piece of paper containing the phone number for the motel Harry was staying in, as well as an address. You find it, then drop a dime into the coin slot. The dial tone buzzes loudly through the receiver before a pre-recorded woman’s voice prompts you to dial “the number you wish to reach.”

The shrill phone ring bleeds through the phone becoming the soundscape for your observation of your surroundings as you wait for him to answer. Two young children run around screaming and laughing, A young couple sit cuddled up together on an island bench, a TSA guard, with his too small button up shirt, stained with sweat, smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee at a counter cafe. You scratch your arm, it had been weeks since you’d decided to quit smoking and it was getting harder and harder everyday to not just cave.

“Hello?”

His voice pours through the phone like honey, comb still in, static dances around the accompanying silence. You jump even though you had been expecting his voice, you hadn’t realized just how long it had been since you’d last spoken.

“Hey, Harry, Hi,” you speak, while fumbling to readjust the phone, settling on just holding it up to your ear with your hand.

“Hey love, y’here? How was the flight?”

“Good, good. I mean there was a baby crying the whole way down but I feel worse for their mom than I do myself and the attendants just seemed like they wanted to jump out of the plane, sans parachute, ya know? It was wild, so beautiful but like, we were up so high. It’s weird to think about how far technology has come. Uhm, are you picking me up still?” You ramble and Harry notices, his soft chuckle trickles through the phone, notifying you.

“You nervous or something, bunny?”

You laugh, waving your hand in the air in front of you, as if doing so would fan away the acute feelings of anxiety that followed you from your home, onto a plane, and right to Sky Harbour International airport. You hated surprises and although you had been together for nearly three years, you weren’t sure if Harry had known.

“No, no. I’m fine. Totally copasetic.”

There’s a light shuffling on the other end of the phone as well as a few soft voices but none clear enough for you to distinguish.

“Choice.  I can’t pick you up. I gotta finish up getting your surprise ready but I will meet you at the motel at six, you have the address. Y’alright with taking a cab?”

You glance around the airport. The TSA guard is now talking to a woman who is holding the hands of the two children that were rebel rousing earlier. She looks exhausted.

“Yeah, yeah. I can… I can do that.” “Alright! I’ll see you then,” the smile on his face was evident through his words, bringing the corners of your lips as well.

“See you then.”

You hang up and push yourself away from the pay phone, picking up your suitcase. You survey the wide, open space of the airport. People coming to and from, going everywhere, going nowhere. Finding their place in the world by getting lost. It was something that had always fascinated you; the idea that everyone you’re surrounded by in a public place has their own story. Sonder, a three dollar word that you’d thought Harry had made up during one of your game nights. The both of you had been so high that night - deciding that an LSD fueled scrabble game would be way more fun - that it took you nearly 45 minutes to locate it in the dictionary.

You step through the large glass doors towards the taxi nursery at the edge of the curb. The late afternoon sun washes you in a soft glow, as a snug blanket of dry heat surrounds you. You place your suitcase by your feet and pull off your jacket, tying it around your waist. The plain white tank top you have on reflects the surrounding light. You hold a hand out and a bright yellow car, top light on, pulls up in front of you. You toss in your suitcase before climbing in yourself. Dictating the address to the driver, you settle in for the ride.

Phoenix is unlike any place you’d ever been before. The city, with its towering, stalagmite-esque buildings scattered amongst vast flatlands. It carries a warm, sepia tone with an occasional burst of colour. You snap several pictures through the windows as you drive through the downtown metropolis. Attempting to catch the quick passing beauty of the city at sunset.

The Caravan Inn is a sight in the evening. The glow of lights irradiates the building making it seem as if the sun is shining right from it. The neon illuminated sign, a cavalcade of colours topped with the silhouette of a man riding a camel. A click of your camera shutter and the taxi speeds away, leaving you standing in front of your accommodations for the next few days.

You walk to the motel office, taking in the large OASIS sign, just to the left of it, that hangs right above a pool area. You mentally curse yourself for not packing a swimsuit. A light, airy chime sounds when you enter the small office, followed by the smell of stale coffee and the faint scent of lingering body odor. A stout woman, with white blonde hair stack and pinned to the gods, assists you, handing you a key and pointing you in the direction of the room Harry had been staying in, 2A.

The sound of your shoes echoes every time they meet the teal painted concrete steps. Your quick ascent to the second level of the motel causes your camera to bounce against your chest. You swivel left then right, then left again once you reach the landing. It only takes you a moment before you realize that the door you’re looking for is right in front of you, cloaked in the same aqua hue as the steps. A rusted, brass ‘2A’ sits in the center of it.

The room itself, modest in size, looks as if it held secrets that would cause your demise if you were to learn them.  A queen sized bed, dressed in an obnoxious orange comforter sits against the wall, coming far into the middle of the room. Beside it, two bedside tables covered in a wood patterned vinyl, one with a clock, both with matching lamps. Gold bulbous bases, cylindrical off white shades throwing rays of toasty light around the room. Harry’s worn leather shoulder bag sits unzipped in the far corner, at the square, wooden base of the bed.

The soles of your shoes drag against the low, dark carpeted floor as you enter the room.  A small side skip allows you to squeeze through the tight space between the foot of the bed and a small television stand before dropping your bag next to Harry’s.

The lone analog clock ticks right as you look at it, as if speaking directly to you. The hour hand rests just past the 5 and the minute, on the 3. It’s then that you realize just how long the journey had been. You sit on the bed, your weight lightly ricochets your body up then down, a squeal from the springs echos off of the brown and cream striped wallpapered walls. You’re exhausted and after a few passing seconds, decide to prioritize a nap over a shower. You lay back on top of the blanket, your head sinks into the pillow and just like that, you’re out.

Keys in a deadbolt brings you into a stream of consciousness. You keep your eyes closed and attempt to keep your breathing even and leveled, wanting to will yourself back to sleep. A shuffling sound follows the soft click of the of the door closing. You feel the bed dip then a strong arm secure itself around your waist along with a nose nuzzling into the hair at the base of your neck.

“Bunny?”

His lips touch your neck in a barely there kiss as his breath seeps into your skin and down your spine.

“Know you’re awake.” You groan as he kisses the base of your neck before untangling himself from you.

“Scoot your tush, got your surprise f’ya.”

You open your eyes and sit up, finding him standing at the edge of the bed, hands behind his back. You turn to face him, positioning yourself in the middle of the bed, legs crossed beneath you. His face holds a smile as bright as the neon signs of the countless motels on the interstate. Dimples on full display. His eyes trace the lines of your face.

You run your hand through your hair, smoothing it down.

“What is it?”

“My god, you’re gorgeous.”

“Duuuude,” you whine, the anticipation of not knowing why he’d asked you to come to Arizona was reaching critical mass. You want to know, you need to know.

“You have t’guess.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes,” his tone is laced with mock seriousness, causing his face follow suit, fighting against a smile.

You crawl forward across the bed towards him and rise to your knees when you’re right in front of him, so close your chests touch. You bring a hand up to his hair, playing with the long curls before tracing your hand down his t-shirt clad chest painfully slow. You notice his adam’s apple bob as your hand rests right above the top of his jeans. You trace your fingers from hip bone to hip bone as you pepper sluggish kisses up his neck to his jaw, which clenches when you kiss the soft groove between the sharp edge and his earlobe. His lips part, his eyes close and you know this is your chance. You use your free hand to snatch “your surprise” out of his hands, snapping Harry out of his revelry.

You scoot back quickly, your back bumps up against the headboard, laughing as Harry lunges towards you. You hold the item, which you now knew is a record, in the air as he tries to take it away from you. He sighs, giving up almost immediately while settling into the space between your legs, his chin resting on your stomach.

“Fine, you win.” You flash your teeth in victory.

“Don’t I always,” you laugh through your gloat, looking down at him. His eyes, wide and bright staring back at you, the pale jade speaking to your soul in a way nothing else ever could. He kisses the small patch of skin on your torso where your shirt has ridden up in all the excitement.

“Well, check it.”

You roll your eyes then bring the record down to eye level, blocking Harry’s face completely. In your hands, Fleetwood Mac’s self titled album, which left you a bit confused. You distinctly remember going to the record store with Harry to buy it the day it had come out. In fact, you were pretty sure this was that exact copy, the coffee ring in the corner confirmed that. You tilt the record to the side to reveal Harry’s smirking face, your eyebrow raises to silently ask him what the heck was going on.

“Turn it over you mong.”

You sigh causing Harry’s head to sink with the release of air, flipping the record, turning to look at it from the side. Harry’s eyes are trained on you as you read the delicate, black scrawl that takes up the bottom right corner of the sleeve. Your eyes widen as you look back and forth between Harry and the album. His smile growing wider each time.

“How the fuck did you… oh my god!”

                                                    Hey Bunny!

                                    Thank you for loving and living.

                                             Love, Stevie Nicks x.

“I know a guy. Check inside,” Harry pushes, he rolls his lips together, eyes trained on you as you tilt the record sleeve. Two small, rectangular pieces of pink hued paper, a stiff card like stock, fall onto the bed beside you. You place the record down gently and pick them up. Reading them, Harry didn’t think you could be more visibly excited, he was wrong. The fist holding them clench as you use you free hand to pull Harry up to eye level with you.

Pressing your lips together in a kiss that screamed appreciation and adoration. You pull apart moments later to catch your breaths, resting your forehead on his, all heavy breathing and dilated pupils you manage to squeeze out an nearly inaudible, “thank you.”

Harry takes you by the hand, pulling you through the crowd of sweaty, intoxicated in some way or another, bodies closer to the front of the stage. Turning back every once in a while with a huge smile on his face, which you returned with just as much enthusiasm.

The opening band had just finished their set and the crowd is amply warmed up, ready for the magic that is Fleetwood. You had chosen to go sober, wanting to soak in every song, every moment, every emotion, to hold on to for years to come. For when your grandchildren asked you about your youth, knowing that this was a moment you would regret to forget.

Harry pulls you into him, lazily draping an arm around your shoulders, once you both find yourself in a great spot; two rows behind those pressed up to the stage. You wouldn’t have to crane your neck to see but you felt bad for the shorter folks left standing behind your beau. The boy was tall and there was no denying that.

The house lights come down resulting in a boisterous roar from the crowd, mirroring the rumbling anticipation and excitement in your gut. You’d been listening to the band for as long as you could remember, from before Stevie had become a part of the magic, but it really was her addition that had made you fall in love all over again.

One by one Mick, Lindsey, Christine, and John take their places, instruments on their person. Safe for Mick’s drum set, which he quickly shuffles behind. Stevie is last on but most definitely not least. She floats onto the stage with a grace unparalleled to any earthly creature, dressed in a white, lace, tie up, cropped blouse, a sheer white shawl around her shoulders and light denim bell bottoms. She takes her place behind the microphone at center stage, tambourine in hand. The stage lights create an angelic halo around her as it shines through her flowing, blonde hair. You’re mesmerized, so much so that you hadn’t noticed Harry’s arm drop from around your shoulder.

It’s Christine who speaks first, addressing the crowd, welcoming you all to the show, thanking you for wanting to be a part of this experience with them, introducing the first song.

“‘Bout to do a song from the Kiln House album for you. This one’s called Station Man.”

Her accent catches you by surprise, breaking you out of your trance with a smile. You nudge Harry softly in the ribs, looking up at him. He looks down at you, a knowing smirk etched on his face.

You’re having the time of your life, dancing and singing along. Both to songs you hadn’t heard before and songs your soul could recognize in the afterlife. Jumping and spinning circles around Harry as he sways along to the music. Watching you enjoy yourself is one of his favourite things about spending time with you. A close second to your ability to challenge his mind with just the words that came out of your mouth.

“This is a song from our latest album that came out a few months ago. It’s a song from Stevie Nicks called Rhiannon,” Christine’s voice echoes throughout the theater.

Whistles and hoots drift from the back of the room to the front, cloaking you in a feeling of belonging. The opening chord of the song drip from Lindsey’s guitar, in a new yet familiar way, as Stevie steps up to the mic. You bring your camera up and snap a quick photo before settling. Preparing yourself for your favourite song off of the album you’d been listening to on repeat since you’d first had it in your possession.

“This is a song about an old Welsh witch.”

It’s then that she makes eye contact with you, smiling, and for a split second your heart stops. You can’t help but allow the grin on your face to grow exponentially. Her eyes leave yours and land beside you, on Harry, and she sends a short, familiar wave in his direction, to which Harry returns before she launches into the song.

Her voice guttural and raw, full of unspoken feelings and unknown history. She’s petite but so incredibly chasmal. You elbow him in his side, harder this time, fueled completely by awe.

“Heeeeey. What was that for?”

“Stevie just fucking waved at you!”

He smiles, lifting and dropping his shoulders at your verbal observation. He stays silent, swaying to the music as you stare at him in complete and utter disbelief. You take a minute, glancing at Stevie and then back at Harry. Finally connecting her acknowledgement of his presence and his casual indifference.

“You know Stevie Nicks…” He turns his head to acknowledge your realization, but keeps his eyes glued to the stage.

“You know Stevie Nicks? How do you know Stevie Nicks?”

He stays silent, his lower lip now wedged under this teeth. Gnawing ever so slightly.

You had now lost complete interest in the events happening on stage, shifting your focus, trying to understand how your boyfriend knew your idol.

You try again, slower this time, louder.

“Harry. How do you know Stevie Nicks?”

He releases his lip, only to replace his teeth with his thumb and forefinger. Pulling at it pensively, his eyes still trained on the stage.

“We used to date.”  

His words are so nonchalant that you’re thoroughly convinced you’ve misheard him. Your eyes widen. You look back and forth between Harry and Stevie. A lump forms in your throat as you watch the golden haired goddess twirl and glide around the stage. Her voice echoing throughout the theater.

Your mind drifts as you attempt to enjoy the show. You want to enjoy this moment, to relish in it but you continuously find your train of thought crashing into an pit of ugly envy, a flaming, fiery mess with no survivors. Jealousy had never been your MO but you’d always been distressingly aware of how absurdly incomparable Harry is. The passing eyes of both women and men alike was a constant reminder of that fact. It wasn’t only the fact that he was painfully handsome either - although denying that it is a colossal factor would be naive and foolish - but the genuine and intoxicating aura that surrounds him. Pulling people in, making them want him and want to know him. It had been the very reason you’d approached him in that dark, dingy dive years prior, and now it’s the reason you feel as small as you do. Incredibly inadequate standing next to him, in the pit of a show led by a woman whose aura and beauty matched his, whom of which he had been involved with. How could you compare? How could you ever live up to that? A lyrical angel, a literal rockstar. You’re tired of the sour feeling pinching your stomach but you can’t help but compare yourself to the ethereal enigma that is Stevie. Who could? You didn’t say anything to Harry through the rest of the show nor him to you. You’re so consumed with the rush of feelings that’ve come over you that you hadn’t noticed the show had ended. It wasn’t until you felt the movement of the crowd heading towards the back of the theater, like a high tide being pulled by the moon, that you re-join reality. Your nerves are fried and you’re not quite sure if they could be repaired.

Harry turns to you, smiling. His hands on your face, cradled beneath your ears as his thumbs stroke your cheeks.

“How’d you like the show?”

His voice is soft and expecting. You look up at him, pushing a brief small smile up from the reservoir of adrenaline you hadn’t known you had left over.

“Got one more surprise f’you.”

He sounds so excited that you didn’t have the the heart to tell him, point blank, that you’d had enough and just wanted to go home. Not back to the motel, home.

He pulls you gently to a door on the side of the theater that reads “CREW MEMBERS ONLY” in big, red block letters, leading you through a long hallway filled with gear cases and crew members, giving a swift nod to every other passerby. Your confusion only grows when he stops in front of a door labelled in fancy, slick cursive as the green room. A mixture of laughter, conversation, and music seep through, muffled by the barrier in front of you. He stops and turns to you, dropping your hand before relocating them to your shoulders. You look anywhere but him, the ground having more interest than yours to be transparent about how you’re feeling in this moment. He went through all of this trouble, although now you question how much trouble it truly was, for you. You didn’t want to seem ungrateful because you were far from it. You just didn’t want to spoil his mood with yours that had curdled within the last hour.

You feel a hand lift off of one shoulder. A light finger placement under your chin brings your eyes into contact with the saturated everglade within his. He’d always been really good at reading you. Knowing when something was off, when you felt off. You weren’t sure if it was the post-concert fumes or the joint he’d smoked in the parking lot before the show, but he hadn’t shown you any hints of knowing. You found yourself silently praising every deity you knew by name.

“‘lright, m’gonna need to stay calm. Okay?” A soft laugh peeks through his words.

You remain silent, nodding in complacent understanding. He turns, lightly rapping on the door. His ring - the rose one you’d given him on his birthday last year - sounds a vague metallic clang on the antiqued wood.

The noise of the room, once muddled, hits you like a speeding freight when the door swings open. A sing-song chorus of Harry’s name plays through the space. You shuffle in behind him, keeping your head down. You aren’t generally a quiet person but moments like this are far and few between for you.

Harry working the room is nothing short of magical. Greeting anyone and everyone as you tail him, a firm grip on the bottom of his worn Rolling Stones tour tee. Hugs, fist bumps and light conversation all around. It isn’t until he introduces you loudly to the room that you realize you’re standing in the center of it. Harry no longer in front of you, but at your side, nudging you gently forward.

You look up, raising your hand in a demure greeting, as names you won’t have the chance to remember are hurdled towards you. Then, out of a door you hadn’t noticed in the corner of the room, steps the woman of the hour. She fiddles with the tie on her shirt as she enters deeper into the room.

“What’s with all the commotion out here?”

She sounds just like she sings, real and raw, and you’re enthralled all over again. She scans the room, biting back a smile. It grows only when she spots Harry and speeds to his person, arms out and welcoming.

“Harry! You came. I’m so glad!” He laughs into the hug and tsunami of invidiousness you’d been riding crashes at your feet with full force. You feel smaller than a head on a pin.

You watch as they step out of their embrace, but continue to hold each other at arm's length. Stevie’s on his biceps, Harry’s on her forearms.

“Wow, this is so good. This is great.” Her words are like sunshine and although she’s not speaking to you, you can’t help but to be filled with an indiscriminate warmth. You cross your arms over your chest. You feel intrusive on this reunion but just when you’re about to make a mad dash for the door she turns and looks at you.

“Is this Bunny?” She looks back at Harry. A rush of confidence propels you forward, hand out, you introduce yourself.

Stevie smiles, releasing Harry and takes your hand, pulling you into a hug. The scent of patchouli and lavender radiates from her, sending your head in a spiral. You look up at Harry, eyes wide. His elbow rests on his other arm that’s strung across his chest. His hand covering the large grin that has surfaced on his face. She pulls away from you, holding you in the same way she had Harry.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. He talks about you nonstop. So nice to finally put a face to a name.”

You look back and forth between Stevie and Harry, who was now stood behind her.

“Uh… yeah. Big… uh, I’m a big fan of the band,” you stumble, “...and of yours. Huge fan of yours. Massive,” and blaze through the end of your truth.

She laughs gently, sweetly then she’s gone, beckoned from across the room, whisking over to whomever required her attention.

You’re in shock, hands still out in front of you. Harry steps forward, a light snicker escapes him as he takes your hands. You stare up at him but you’re not really looking at him.

“You okay?”

You nod slowly, your jaw slack, leaving an open space between your lips. Harry kisses the side of your mouth before letting go of your hands. He tells you to grab a seat, that he’ll grab you a drink, before jetting off to the refreshment table where Stevie and Mick are having, what seems like, a deep conversation.

You find a spot on a small, gray couch in the corner of the room. Watching people get drunker and more rowdy as the time goes by. They start to blur together into one massive streak of colour and sound. It isn’t until you spot the time on a clock located just above the bathroom door that you realize Harry had been gone for nearly an hour. The air grows suffocating as you stand, searching over heads of fluffed and curled hair for refuge. You spot Harry moments later. His arm slung around Stevie’s shoulder as they talk animatedly with Christine. You want to walk over and pull him away, plead with him to take you back to the motel, but the barbed wire twisting around your stomach made you hesitant. You watch him place an exaggerated kiss on Stevie’s head and that’s what sends you off the deep end. The feeling as frigid and sharp as an ice bath.

You scramble towards the door you’d entered through just a few short hours ago. Knocking shoulders and bumping drinks until you finally reach the handle. You tug it so violently that you could’ve sworn you’d ripped the door off its hinges.

Almost blindly, you stagger forwards into the hallway, sucking in a deep breath. You can hear your heart in your ears, feel your pulse in your throat, as you push yourself further down the hall. Stopping when you reach a pile of equipment cases piled just high enough for you to get your feet off the ground had you chosen to climb them; and you did. Propping yourself on the edge of a peripheral case and sitting on top of the large amp casing.

You shouldn’t be feeling this way, you know you shouldn’t but your head and heart weren’t cooperating. The futility of trying to get them to comply and coexist to give you some semblance of  sanity is incredibly high. So in turn you decide to become just that, incredibly high. You shimmy backwards, resting your head and back against the wall, before pulling a joint out of your pocket. Rainy day insurance is what Harry had called it when he found out it was a permanent fixture to your person.

“...in case of emergencies.” “Good to know you’re so prepared, love. If I’m ever in need of some immediate enlightenment, I’ll know who to ring.”

You light it with a match from a matchbook you’d taken from the motel. You inhale deeply, letting the small, packaged green sit tightly between your lips. You hold it in, one, two, three seconds before releasing a cloud of smoke with a big audible sigh. Your eyes sliding shut as you wait for your erratic heartbeat to level out.

When Stevie’s head peeks out of the green room door a few moments later, you’re too floaty to realize. She spots you, however, looking as serene as they come. The joint, now a roach, pinched between your fingers. She glides over to you, her movements so fluid, you’d swear she were swimming through the air.

“There you are,” you open your eyes at the sound of her voice to find her smiling at you. A lazy smile graces your features.

“Hey there.”

“I wondered where you’d run off too. Harry was talking my ear off all weekend about how I just had to meet his Bunny and I barely got to chat with you tonight.”

Your smile and relaxed demeanor fall as you take in her words. The filter you once had has burned down to non-existent. Your immediate thoughts began to flow sluggishly from your lips and you were sure you shouldn’t have let it but you couldn’t stop yourself.

“Harry was with you all weekend?”

“Yeah, we had a few days off. We were trying to work out some logistics for the third leg of the tour, one of our openers dropped out and I remembered that Harry had been trying to do the music thing for so long, figured we’d give him a shot. Y’know?”

“Tour?” you sit up, leaning forward, pulling your legs into a criss cross position.

Harry saunters out of the green room, spotting you and Stevie, he approaches the two of you but you’re too distracted to notice. Not sure if it’s because of the haze from the smoke or the news you’d just heard. “Yeah, he’s gonna be great.”

“What am I gonna be great at?” He questions, entering the conversation.

You look at him, all droopy eyelids and knitted brows. You’re positive that if you weren’t as high as you are now, you’d be shaking.

“Opening for Fleetwood on tour.”

You speak so curtly and clearly that you scare yourself. It feels as if your soul is trying to disconnect itself from its earthbound prison, but you’re holding on for dear life.

Harry turns to Stevie so quickly you can see his movements blur, following him in delayed time as if it were on another plane of existence.

“You told her?”

“You didn’t?” Stevie’s eyebrows are raised.

“I need a drink,” your words muffled by starch, the interior of your mouth feeling as if you’d just played an insanely long round of chubby bunny. You try to jump off of the case but your clouded mind executes the action before your body could follow, causing you to stumble once your feet hit the ground. Harry’s arms are out in an instant, catching you. You land face first into his strong, broad chest. His scent hits you in a billowing poof of air. It’s woodsy and citrusy and salty and sweet. It’s too much.

You push yourself away from him, out of his arms. He calls after you but you’re already sliding back into the green room. At the refreshment table a wide spread of liquors is presented to you. You reach for the vodka but make a split last second decision and reach for the tequila instead, knocking over a bottle that was in the way. You hold the bottle of tequila above your head but it’s snatched from your fingers right as you’re about pour a shot into your mouth.

Harry stands in front of you, tequila in hand. He looks like someone has kicked his puppy and you find yourself vexed because he had no reason to be upset. He was the one leaving you.

He leans in, mouth so close to your ear that you can smell the faint trace of alcohol on his breath.

“Can we please talk about this outside?”

You scoff, a light snorting noise punctuated with an eye roll. Oh, noooow he wants to talk.

“Please?”

“Fine,” you humour him, your concession tangled in a heavy sigh.

He places the bottle back on the table before spinning you around. Placing his hands on your waist, he guides you gently out of the green room.

You don’t stop moving until you’re outside, in a loading area, buses and trucks lined up uniformly. The late night air is a lot staler than it had been when you first arrived. An oven with the door open, no wind, just warmth all around. It sobers you up almost instantly. Harry stops nudging when the two of you are settled in between two, large packing trucks parked closely together, leaving only a few inches between your bodies. You lean lazily against the truck, allowing your eyes to close and your head to lul to the the side, awaiting his reasoning, his explanation, as if there was one good enough to justify him keeping this from you.

When he speaks your name it’s soft, reminding you of the clouds you’d flown over less than twelve hours ago. What you wouldn’t give to have that peace of mind back in this moment.

“Listen, I didn’t know if it was actually going to happen. Been talking to Christine and just recently caught up with Stevie and she’d mentioned it. I didn’t want to tell you unless it was a sure thing.” You open your eyes, raising them to the sky. The height of the trucks tunnel your vision, redirecting your focus to the twinkling clusters of stars stitched to the deep, dark velvet of the two am sky. He keeps his eyes trained on you.

“And is it?”

“S’what?”

You finally look at him, immediately meeting his gaze, throwing you off for half a beat. You shift your weight from one leg to the other.

“Is it a sure thing?”

He remains silent, his chest rising and falling with each breath he takes and releases. You can see the gears in his head turning, the possible negative outcomes of answering your question, playing in his eyes. Like a silent stop motion film. All in black and white. All unhappy endings.

He does, however, answer you with a slow nod. Keeping his eyes on you, studying you as if he had a major exam coming up that could make or break his school year, watching for any signs that may point to you telling him that you were done with him.

“And when were you going to tell me? If you even were going to tell me,” you mutter the latter under your breath but he still catches it. His posture straightens.

“I was going to tell you Bunny! I swear. Was gonna be tonight too, like when we got back to the motel. After I loved on you cause god, I’ve fuckin’ missed you and it’s only been a few days…” he pauses, stepping towards you but you’re quicker, side stepping so you were no longer flush the truck. Square with the opening between them, creating much needed space between you and Harry. A pained expression plateaus his features but he continues, turning his body to face your new position.

“I just… I wanted tonight to be perfect. I wanted you to have an unforgettable one. Wanted to make up for what happened on your birthday last year.”  

You cross your arms over your chest, relinquishing a sigh. You remember it vividly, although you wish you could forget it.

It had been a while since you had celebrated your earthstrong day but Harry insisted that you must do something for it. 25 was a big deal, it was important. Harry had made a big deal of planning a dinner for you and your family to celebrate. What he hadn’t told you was that the dessert he’d prepared, your favourite after meal pastry, had a little something extra in it that he hadn’t warned you about. Long story short, you spent the rest of your night talking your parents down from a very bad high, and Harry - the cause of all of your grief that night - slept through it all. You’d put him in the dog house for months after that and he’d never stopped apologizing.

“You have to admit though. Now when y’look back at it, s’kind of funny. I mean your mum really dug that shag rug,” he chuckles.

“It’s not funny.”

He tries to subdue his giggles resulting in a wide grin instead. You struggle to remain stoic, still fuming, but you could feel the edges of your icy-ness began to melt away. There’s just something about this boy that always gets to you in the best way possible. Which is why finding out that he may be away for months at a time tasted so incredibly bitter.

You let out a puff of air.

He gives himself a light tap on the cheek. His mouth pursed in a small frown as he tries to focus on remaining serious.

“Oh come on Bunny, I’m sorry okay. I swear I was gonna tell you.”

He nudges you softly, hoping the contact would soften your hard demeanor and lighten up the weight of the situation. He’d really been hoping to have this talk to you when you were in a better mood but he now knew he had to tread lightly.

He takes a tentative step towards you. Your arms, still tightly crossed against your chest, begin to loosen. Slowly, as if counting the seconds and steps in his head, he reaches for your arm. When you don’t resist, he pulls you in close to him in a warm embrace. Whispers of apologies and pleasantries leave his lips in short bursts, threading through your hair and landing on your shoulders. He’s being incredibly gentle with you, and although you’re sure he wishes it had the opposite effect, every touch breeds heartache. The dam is cracking and your hand is hovering above the manual release button for the floodgates.

You release the hold that you have on your own arms when he starts petting your hair. Long, molassing strokes that fall in time with both of your breathing. Naturally synced. Your face pressed against his chest, fitting like your favourite pair of jeans: snug, comfortable, perfect.

“Didn’t even know you wanted to pursue music,” your words are muffled by the cotton of his shirt but his sigh lets you know that he’s heard you. He rests his chin on top of your head.

“Wasn’t something I thought I’d get the chance to do, y’know? Was a hobby for so long, always just mucked about with it. Used it as an outlet. Gave it up before I met you”

Your arms wrap themselves around your stomach loosely, as if they were keeping you from falling apart.

“How come?” You were curious. You couldn’t help help but think that it was because he’d met you that he given up his dream. Freelance photography didn’t pay greatly but it was your passion and Harry had always pushed you to do what made you happy. So he’d taken a job managing a bakery down the street from the apartment you shared to support the both of you.

“It was a different time in my life, back when I was living in California. Didn’t really have much that I had to care about. I was living with a bunch of people who were trying to make a living that way so I fell into it.” He’d stopped his work on your hair, bringing his arm around you shoulder to bring you in closer.

“Is that how you met Stevie?”

He chuckles, it’s airy but full of reminiscent energy.

“Yeah, that’s how I met Stevie.”

You shuffle, moving your head to look up at him. His eyes full of memories. You urge him to continue.

“I was crashing on a friend’s couch in this artist commune. They had a party one night and she was there. We talked and just, I don’t know. Ran with it. We don’t have to talk about this, it’s weird innit? Me talking about my ex.” You lean back to look up at him eyebrow raised.

“You really think this is the weirdest thing to happen tonight?”

He laughs.

“You’re right.”

The corners of your mouth twitch upwards for a split second. You move back to your former position, pressed up against his chest. You close your eyes, indulging in the rhythmic beat of his heart.

“So what happened?”

“It was a lot. There was a lot going on and I couldn’t handle it.”

You hum, nodding ever so slightly.

“Plus she met Lindsey…” He pauses, untangling his arms from you taking a small step back. He lifts his hand and runs the pad of his thumb lightly across your cheekbone. You eyes flick up to his, looking down at you. He sighs, the corner of his mouth lifts, “...and I met you.

The flutter you feel in your stomach is strong but short lived when you remember why you were both standing in the loading area of a theater instead of hanging out with your favourite band just a mere feet away. You’ve been trying to avoid asking your next question. Trying to push it to the back of your mind, attempting to distract yourself from it because you already knew what the answer would be but it stayed stewing, and now it was bubbling over. Before you could stop it, it flew out of your mouth and into the space around you.

“Are you going to accept the offer?”

Harry stays too quiet for too long. With each passing moment, you can feel the ends of your already frayed nerves fizzle and burn out. He looks at you, really looks at you. Your eyes, your lips, you, as a whole. When he finally does speak, his voice is steady and his words, soft. He leans down, cheek touching cheek. And although it’s whispered, his lips tickling the shell of your ear, his words speak unreachable volumes.

“Only if you come with me.”

[sunsetsgod]

i was tagged

so my lovely love @simon--speaks tagged me in four tag games so instead of posting a bunch of different ones im gonna make an read more. im also probably not gonna tag anyone at the end bc i dont really know who to tag so yeah. if you want to lift parts of it go ahead lmao (provided you decide you want to see it at all shdjd)

one: 15 questions

Are you named after someone?

nope

When was the last time you cried?

uh maybe a little yesterday

Do you have kids?

nahh

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

not a whole lot but enough

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

hair/shoes

Eye colour?

green or blue or grey or something

Scary movie or happy ending?

happy ending, not a big fan of scary movies unless im watching them with someone else

Any special talents?

i can play the gayest piano piece known to man & identify the era of a musical piece by hearing it? also i can make beaded things lmao

Where were you born?

oregon, usa

What are your hobbies?

mUSIC (specifically piano/theory/guitar/band)

Do you have any pets?

one dog, name juni

How tall are you?

5′4.75″

What sports do you play/have you played?

swi mm in g? marching band 

Favourite subject?

??? english? spanish? band?????

Dream job?

either musician or mechanic

two: url in song titles (oh boy)

t - take me dancing - the maine / h - hard feelings/loveless - lorde / e - ella - alvaro soler (this is my spanish music rec) / r - rainbow connection - sleeping at last (cover) / o - outer space / carry on - 5 seconds of summer / s - sommeil - stromae (french music rec) / e - entertainment and warmth - ryan o’shaughnessy / s - SUBURBIA - troye sivan / h - hurricane (johnnie’s theme) - lord huron / a - angel of small death and the codeine scene - seafret (cover)     / v - virgin guitar - john craigie / e - english rose - ed sheeran / t - twilight - breathe owl breathe / h - holocene - bon iver / o - one of these days - vance joy / r - running - james bay (live from abbey road studios) / n - no control - one direction / s - state lines - novo amor

playlist link (spotify) 

three: bold the statements true for you

appearance

I’m over 5'5 / I wear glasses/contacts / I have blond hair / I wear sweatshirts a lot / I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing / I have one or more piercings / I have at least one tattoo / I have blue eyes / I have dyed or highlighted my hair / I have gotten plastic surgery / I have had or had braces / I sunburn easily / I have freckles / I paint my nails / I typically wear makeup / I don’t often smile / I am pleased with how I look / I prefer Nike to Adidas / I wear a baseball hats backward

hobbies and talents

I play a sport / I can play an instrument / I am artistic / I know more than one language / I have won a trophy in some sort of competition / I can cook or bake without a recipe / I know how to swim / I enjoy writing / I can do origami / I prefer movies to tv shows / I can execute a perfect somersault / I enjoy singing / I could survive in the wild on my own / I have read a new book series this year / I enjoy spending time with friends / I travel during school or work breaks / I can do a handstand

relationships

I am in a relationship / I have been single for over a year / I have a crush / I have a best friend I have known for ten years / my parents are together / I have dated my best friend / I am adopted / my crush has confessed to me / I have a long distance relationship / I am an only child / I give advice to my friends / I have made an online friend / I met up with someone I have met online

aesthetics

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell / I have watched the sunrise / I enjoy rainy days / I have slept under the stars / I meditate outside / the sound of chirping calms me / I enjoy the smell of the beach / i know what snow tastes like / I listen to music to fall asleep / I enjoy thunderstorms / I enjoy cloud watching / I have attended a bonfire / I pay close attention to colors / I find mystery in the ocean / I enjoy hiking on nature paths / autumn is my favorite season

miscellaneous

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle / I am the mom friend / I live by a certain quote / I like the smell of sharpies / I am involved in extracurricular activities / I enjoy Mexican food / I can drive a stick-shift / I believe in true love / I make up scenarios to fall asleep / I sing in the shower / I wish I lived I a video game / I have a canopy above my bed / I am multi-racial / I am a redhead / I own at least three dogs / I am lgbtq+

four: put entire music library on shuffle, what are the first 10 songs?

one: the sound - the 1975

two: sunburn - ed sheeran

three: mutual - shawn mendes

four: through the dark - one direction

five: golden thread ft. matt corby - passenger

six: somebody to love - troye sivan, cover

seven: woodwork - sleeping at last

eight: little boy - vance joy

nine: location - freelance whales

ten: lakehouse - of monsters and men

[thejonzone]

A Lifetime Gone: Notes on Jim Sullivan and The Hours

Laura Brown does not want to be Laura Brown. She is one of three protagonists in The Hours (played by Julianne Moore in the movie adaptation), and for her it is 1949 in the hot desert suburbs of Los Angeles. Laura has a husband and a young son but dreads her housewife role, knowing it isn’t for her, knowing she can’t keep it up. She stays in bed for as long as she can, her eyes drop with empty relief as she watches her husband pull out of the driveway, and she reads, despairing for a different world.

After a failed attempt to make a birthday cake and an intimate moment with her neighbor Kitty, Laura has an existential panic. She drops her son off at a friend’s house and, under the guise of running an errand, takes a drive into the city: “As she pilots her Chevrolet along the Pasadena Freeway....she feels as if she’s dreaming or....as if she’s remembering this drive from a dream long ago.”

20 years later in Los Angeles (and in real life), Jim Sullivan records his debut album, U.F.O. It’s first song, “Jerome”, begins with a bright, unsettling orchestral arrangement. Swelling and theatrical but foreboding and alone, it’s the musical equivalent of “red sky in morning, sailors take warning.” Something is wrong. But just as the tension peaks, it all falls away, and for a moment everything is still.

Jerome is a town in Arizona, but you’d be just as right if you thought Jim Sullivan’s song was describing a person. In the late 1800’s, the town in the Arizona desert boomed with copper mining, but the mine closed in the early 1950’s, and the people left with it. Sullivan sings about buying drugs and wanting to go to Jerome, but he doesn’t know where it is or how to find it. He wonders where this ghost town could be. Is it “just a town out there”? Can you only find it “if you’re driving slow”? What exactly does Jerome mean to Sullivan, and how real is the place he’s searching for?

Jerome revitalized itself in the early 1970’s, in part due to its proximity to Sedona, the nearby capital of new-age spirituality. Sedona is known for its vortexes, places in nature that supposedly have high spiritual energy. It doesn’t seem coincidental that Jim Sullivan mentions Jerome-- he and his wife were both interested in New Age mysticism. The album has a clear spiritual bent, exploring reincarnation, religion, and grief: the foggy space between worlds. Even without knowing his strange and tragic backstory, Jim Sullivan’s U.F.O. captures the uneasiness of a dream world, the rising anxiety of realizing you’ve been traveling in the same circle, over and over again. It’s a nightmare. U.F.O. is about illusions and ghosts, it’s full of ghosts, one of whom (in hindsight) is Jim’s ghost, which haunts the album more than anyone he wrote about.

There’s a decent amount written about Jim Sullivan’s story. It ends with him in the New Mexico desert in 1975. Before that, he’d been living in Los Angeles. He made two albums that both failed to create any real traction for him. He had some small success (he was in the movie Easy Rider) but decided to leave his family behind and drive to Nashville to find session work. And that’s that. He never made it to Nashville. He disappeared, was never found or heard from. Ever again! They found his car, all his stuff in it, but never found him. For a guy that talked about driving into the desert and disappearing, it’s spooky how 6 years later he drove into the desert and disappeared.

His music faded to almost nothing, until Light in the Attic reissued it in 2010. My initial fascination is summed up by PopMatters: “When you discover a story like [Jim’s], you start hearing the music differently...It seems impossible not to hear the lyrics as a prediction...that he would come to some kind of mysterious end.” It kept tickling my head, the already cryptic and confusing lyrics morphing into some type of eerie prophecy I felt compelled to piece together.

For Sullivan, it’s not what we see, but how we see it. Eyes show up all over U.F.O. “Plain As Your Eyes Can See” is a lamentation of unreciprocated love. The song is claustrophobic: A crowd’s whisper amplifies to a drowning yell, fallen rocks constrict a bridge’s path. As the world contracts, the narrator realizes they don’t have a place in their love’s life. The song’s idiomatic title is deceptive. Because something that’s as “plain as your eyes can see” should be simple. But U.F.O. is full of moments when our eyes observe something strange, when seeing is anything but plain. He tells us that eyes can easily be deceived, and now here we are, our eyes deceived. The album is a disappearing act, a magic trick.

Throughout the album, characters have surreal, impaired vision. “Whistle Stop” begins with “thunder and lightning in my eyes”, before the narrator describes an interaction with a woman he believes to have known from a past life. “All the air seemed quite foggy to me,” he says, setting up a dream world where he contemplates the soul having some type of knowledge that transcends a body. On “Rosey”, men look at the titular sex worker with “diamonds in their eyes”, and Sullivan tries to figure out who really sees who in the exchange. The song is dark and melodic, the strings and horns are exalting at times, dangerous elsewhere.

The characters in Sullivan’s songs are observers, peering from windows, or watching from crowds. They are searching for answers and they search by watching. In the title song, the narrator describes watching a religious ceremony as “checking out the show / with a glassy eye”, whereas in “Johnny”, the narrator is watching a crowd form to watch a boy who is flying in the sky. They yell out to him to come down, and then wonder if he has discovered anything from up there. As the album goes on, it becomes clear that Jim himself was a watcher, as lost as his characters. Even the album’s cover art expresses a fractured and confused gaze, as 5 duplications of Jim’s face, rapt in attention, look up curiously at something out of sight.

Laura Brown, after some aimless driving, decides to rent a hotel room for the afternoon. She’s impressed by the “cool nowhere” of it, a place of travel and transition, a place to sleep but not a home. After checking in, she realizes how “far away from her life she is. It was so easy.” In the hotel, she sees her anger, her panic, her nervousness, all still in existence, but separate from her: “It’s almost as if she’s accompanied by an invisible sister…”

It is Sullivan’s discussion on death and reincarnation that proves most eerie in hindsight. Even with Rosey’s protective facade, she’s surprised to feel seen by her johns, as they see a part of her that she “often thought was dead”, which makes that part of her alive again, if just for a moment. U.F.O.’s title song begins with strings that feel celestial, so it’s only right that he sings about Jesus and resurrection-- “the only man I know that got up from the dead”. It’s neither critique nor praise of Christianity; the narrator wonders if people can come back, if they can ever be seen again. That idea is carried over in the most affecting song on the album, So Natural. In it, Sullivan most directly grapples with a grief that permeates the whole album: the death of his brother. He again is a watcher, this time at his brother’s funeral. His bizarre take on the experience is how natural his brother looks in death. Sullivan has molded a character who is both alive and dead. In a later verse portending his own death, Sullivan wishes for oblivion: for nobody to be at his eventual funeral, for his ashes to scatter across the desert. And here’s the wild part: both those things effectively happened.

Free of her responsibilities, Laura reads Mrs. Dalloway in her hotel room: “did it matter that she must inevitably cease completely, did it not become consoling to believe that death ended absolutely?” And after closing the book: “It is possible to die. Laura thinks, suddenly, how she-- how anyone-- can make a choice like that.” It’s a grounding realization for Laura. It’s not necessarily one about suicidal ideation, although (at least in the movie version) she does attempt it, but one about agency. Death changes from something that happens to something one can make happen. In that moment, Laura realizes that she can choose life.

So what happened to Jim Sullivan? There are a few theories, and of course, nothing is confirmed. One is that he was killed, perhaps he ran into an unsavory figure, maybe small town police, maybe a remote branch of the mafia, maybe just a wrong place wrong time situation. Some think that he was abducted by aliens. I don’t think it should be ruled out that he chose to disappear.

After driving back from the hotel, Laura picks her son up on the way back home. She steps out of the car, feet planted back in the real world, and “is overtaken by a sensation of unbeing...it seems that by going to the hotel she has slipped out of her life…”

“Highways”, U.F.O.’s emotional centerpiece, sparkles and trills in a way that would certainly make Sufjan Stevens shit. Sufjan for sure takes a page from Sullivan’s book. Both these fellas love horns and using place to ground their songwriting. Both seem to float over the scenes they describe. Highways is optimistic, in a way. On an album where he’s searching for a place to feel at home, he finds it: being lost. He’s lost both physically and spiritually, as he describes losing his sense of identity. But that doesn’t concern him. “It’s easier to stay here, think I know my way here”, he sings. The place he feels most comfortable in isn’t a place so much as a state of motion. It’s part of the fantasy of escape, that giddy rush of being invisible, of not owing anyone anything, it’s that same feeling that coursed through Laura Brown as she drove down her own highway. “Highways” sounds like Jim Sullivan making a promise to disappear one day.

But he doesn’t disappear, at least not right away. He returns after a trip both in and out of our world, returns home, but he doesn’t return fully, he returns on the final song as a Sandman, bringer of sleep. It’s depressing, dark, insidious-- “honey now your sandman’s back in town” Sullivan croons, a promise of someone who knows death, holds it with him. Laura Brown, similarly obsessed with death, also doesn’t disappear right away. Her afternoon in the hotel makes it clear that she needs to leave, but she formulates her plan and waits for the right moment before doing so. As Laura delays having to join her husband in bed, she thinks over her life-changing day: “She might be nothing but a floating intelligence, a presence that perceives, as a ghost might. Yes, this is probably how it must feel to be a ghost. It’s a little like reading-- that same sensation of knowing people, settings, situations, without playing a particular part beyond that of the willing observer.”

I know what it is to fear life. To tip-toe, lie, crumple, appease, stay quiet, get angry, run. I know what it is to become a ghost. I want to believe that desire is stronger than fear, but I know it’s a choice like anything else. Jim Sullivan made a decision to improve his life. He chose to go to Nashville, and either was killed along the way, or chose to go away, just like he said he wanted to. I want to believe that we will do whatever we can to achieve what we need, but I know it’s not so simple. Jim’s voice is weighed down by despair, yet it’s clear he had a deep spirituality within him, some guiding force. He teases us to see, to really see.

Jerome is a town in Arizona, but you’d be just as right if you thought Jim Sullivan was describing a person. A person who once existed, a person who might come back. Jerome is the person who we are when we stop lying to ourselves, and it’s the place we’re constantly looking for. Good luck finding it on a map. Jerome is Jim Sullivan’s opening statement on his baroque pop nightmare, his declaration that we never really die, that we are constantly alive and dead, and what defines those qualities is rooted in what we’re searching for and what we’re hiding from. In the end though, it’s the Jerome Tourism website that puts it most mysteriously and succinctly: “Forever? Jerome never knows.”

[skulltula]

psst answer all those unusual asks!!

so,, man y omg

started 12:24 am

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify!

is your room messy or clean?answered!

what color are your eyes?brown!

do you like your name? why?¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i am neutral

what is your relationship status? dating @dreamui!

describe your personality in 3 words or lessanswered!

what color hair do you have?black!

what kind of car do you drive? color?i c an t drive

where do you shop?uhh mostly forever 21 and i used to shop @ wet seal until it died

how would you describe your style?i have no idea tbh,, grunge sometimes and jus kind of whatevers trendy other times

favorite social media accountanswered!

what size bed do you have? queen!

any siblings?8!

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?uhh tbh just austin would be nice?? id rlly like to just live in austin it seems like a really good city especially for the south

favorite snapchat filter? dog filter 🐶

favorite makeup brand(s)i like colourpop! i only rlly wear highlighter tho?? fenty beauty seems rlly gr8 too ofc thank u rihanna

how many times a week do you shower?i bathe with olive oil and a strigil like the ancient greeks sucker

favorite tv show?cxgf!! or jtv

shoe size?7.5

how tall are you?5′4″ish

sandals or sneakers? sneakers!

do you go to the gym?lmao no

describe your dream dateanywhere w my bb! i really like just going to places like the mall and walking around tbh but ofc restaurant dates r nice?? im not as romantic as id like to b rip

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?5 dollars

what color socks are you wearing? white!

how many pillows do you sleep with?none i dont like pillows

do you have a job? what do you do? [looks out the window]

how many friends do you have? uhhh around 15

[this ones too negative]

whats your favorite candle scent? anything vanilla tbh!

3 favorite boy namesorion, adante, troy

3 favorite girl namesquinn, zuri, cherry

favorite actor? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

favorite actress? zendaya!!

who is your celebrity crush?zendaya!!!! or arian grande

favorite movie? answered!

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?n,,, i dont read a lot i dont have the attention span

money or brains? brains bc i can jus,, get money if i make some life changing shit

do you have a nickname? what is it? daizy °˖ ✧◝(○ ヮ ○)◜✧˖ °

how many times have you been to the hospital?i dont keep count tbh!! its not that many tho

top 10 favorite songshoney - kehlaniwait a minute! - willowthe other side of paradise - glass animalsbad decisions - ariana grandeperfect places - lordegravel to tempo - hayley kiyokoveggies - aminewild thoughts - dj kahled but lets be real rihanna owns the ssex - the 1975team - babeo baggins

do you take any medications daily? yyyy i should but its jus for stomach stuff so its not a Big Concern

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)dry-average

what is your biggest fear?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

how many kids do you want? 1 to 2

whats your go to hair style?short and manageable

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) small

who is your role model? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what was the last compliment you received?@dreamui gave me a lot in the ask thing she got today!! ////

what was the last text you sent?“horrified“

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?i always knew bc my mama didnt want me thinking a white man was giving me presents when it was her

what is your dream car? i,, dont know

opinion on smoking?i dont like ppl tht smoke cigarettes?? at least not the ppl tht smoke them in public non-smoking spaces or get mad when ppl r upset they have to breathe their fuckign shit air bu t ppl tht jus smoke weed r chill but i assume this was abt cigarettes

do you go to college? going to eventually ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what is your dream job? elementary school teacher!

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs!

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? hm i havent been to a hotel since i w as like,, 7?? but i dont think i have and idk if i would! ik some hotels r chill w it tho

do you have freckles? nahhh i dont

do you smile for pictures?i try to!!

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 430

have you ever peed in the woods? ye s it was a p mundane experience

do you still watch cartoons? yeah for sure!

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?crie s i love them both

Favorite dipping sauce? hmm i think maybe honey mustard

what do you wear to bed? whatever stuff i threw on after showering

have you ever won a spelling bee?na h i never entered i was too anxious

what are your hobbies?drawing, playing the sims, making ocs, writing vns that i never finish, cooking, gardening

can you draw? yeah!!

do you play an instrument?yeah! ukulele a little

what was the last concert you saw? uhhh oh god idk if ive been to a real one

tea or coffee?answered!

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?starbucks

do you want to get married?yes!! i do for sure

what is your crush’s first and last initial?cl

are you going to change your last name when you get married? yeah probably!

what color looks best on you? yellow i think?

do you miss anyone right now? yes my gf!! 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。

do you sleep with your door open or closed?open usually bc my mom used to never let us close doors ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

do you believe in ghosts?mild belief i hav mild ghost belief

what is your biggest pet peeve? oh god i dont even know???

last person you called@dreamui!!

favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry rn!

regular oreos or golden oreos? golden oreos

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow!

what shirt are you wearing? this fuzzy blue pajama hoodie w bear ears tht i got for christmas

what is your phone background?lil pineapple guy

are you outgoing or shy?shyyy but im good at pretending to b outgoing

do you like it when people play with your hair?n o unless its my gf

do you like your neighbors? i like the gays that live above me

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?i dooo, in the morning.

have you ever been high? nope!

have you ever been drunk? nah!

last thing you ate? fried rice & chicken

favorite lyrics right now“i like my girls just like i like my honey; sweet, a little selfish.”

summer or winter? winter in tx is always better

day or night? day!

dark, milk, or white chocolate?dark!

favorite month? mayyyy

what is your zodiac signtaurus

who was the last person you cried in front of? @dreamui probably!

finished @ 1:17 am to b fair i zoned out a lot

[hestolibrary]

Larry fics - A playlist

a list of songs that inspired fic titles

A All My Stars Aligned - St. Vincent: i'll be someone who won't be forgotten (read here)    Angels in the Room - Delta Goodrem: i just know i have found the place my heart belongs (read here) All of Me - John Legend: Both Showing Hearts (read here) A Little Death - The Neighbourhood: make me feel like i am breathing (read here) All You Need Is Love - The Beatles: Nothing You Can Do (But You Can Learn How To Be You In Time) (read here) Alone Together - Fall Out Boy: Let's Be Alone Together, We Can Stay Young Forever (read here)

B Back for Good - Take That: Just Tell Me The Song And I’ll Sing It (read here) Bloodstream - Ed Sheeran: feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream (read here) Bend me, shape me - American Breed: bend me, shape me (read here) blue jeans by lana del rey: Say You'll Remember (read here) // Promise You’ll Remember That You’re Mine (read here) Breathless - The Corrs: Come on, leave me breathless. (Tempt me, tease me until I can't deny this) (read here)

C Cake By The Ocean - DNCE: Blind From This Sweet, Sweet Craving (read here) Cherry Wine - Hozier: walk my days on a wire (read here) Come & Get It - Selena Gomez: So Baby Whenever You're Ready (read here) Closer - Tegan and Sara: The Night Sky is Changing Overhead (read here)  Crazy For You - Madonna: It's All Brand New (read here)  Canvas - Rezonate: this unnatural path, it spans infinitely (read here)  Crystalised - The xx: things have gotten closer to the sun (read here) Colly Strings - Manchester Orchestra: like dying young idols (read here)  

D Daughters Of The Soho Riots -  The National: i have your dreams (and your teeth marks) (read here) Don’t Stand so Close To Me - The Police: Just Like That Book By Nabokov (read here) Dreaming of You - The Coral: Dreaming of You (read here)

E Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran: Everything has Changed (read here) Everybody - Ingrid Michaelson: Happy is the Heart that Still Feels Pain (read here)

F Feels Like Coming Home - Jetta: Feels Like Coming Home (read here) Fader - The Temper Trap: hold a hand for cover (read here) Friends - Ed Sheeran: we're not friends, we could be anything (read here) Fallingforyou - The 1975:  In This Light (read here) Fire and Ice - Olivia Bray: We’re mesmerized (we’re fire and ice) (read here)

G Gods & Monsters - Lana del Rey: Gods & Monsters (read here) Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran: we'll play hide and seek to turn this around (give me love like never before) (read here)

H Happiness Is A Warm Gun - The Beatles: I Need A Fix Cause I'm Going Down (read here)    Heart Out - The 1975: Figure My Heart Out (read here) Heroes - Mans Zelmerlöw: don’t tell the gods (we left a mess) (read here) Hero - Sterling Knight: If you're the one for me then I'll be your hero (read here)     Human - Gabrielle Aplin: come closer show the marks upon your skin (read here) Home - One Direction: baby we could be enough (i'll make this feel like home) (read here) Happier - Ed Sheeran: I'll smile to hide the truth (read here) Happily - One Direction: Be with me so happily (read here)

I I want to fuck you like an animal - Nine Inch Nails: like an animal (i wanna feel you from the inside (read here) I’ll be yours - Placebo: You’ll Breathe Me in (You Won’t Release) (read here) In The End I Started - Brinck: in the end I started thinking about the beginning (read here) I’ll Be Home For Christmas (If Only in My Dreams) - Frank Sinatra: If Only In My Dreams (read here) I Miss You - Kacey Musgraves: Every Arrow That I Aim Is True (read here)

J JFK - Lana Del Rey: a million roses (bathed in rock n' roll) (read here)   

L Last Goodbye - Jeff Buckley: Just Hear This and Then I’ll Go (read here) Laura Palmer - Bastille: led by your beating heart (read here) Lego House - Ed Sheeran: lego house (read here) Look After You - The Fray: What's mine is yours to make your own (read here) Losing My Religiong - R.E.M.: That’s Me In The Spotlight (read here) Light Year - Gregory Alan Isakov: another hazy may (read here)

M Magic - Coldplay: call it magic, call it true (read here) Miss You - The Rolling Stones: You've Been Starring In My Dreams (read here) Mercy - IAMX: could make your whole world sweet (read here) Moth’s Wings - Passion Pit: like a bastard on the burning sea My My Love - Joshue Radin: It's All Brand New Because of You (read here)  

N Not The Sun - Brand New: you've set on me (read here) No Control - One Direction: in the heat where you lay (read here) // taste on my tongue (read here) National Anthem - Lana del Rey: Baby Heaven's in your Eyes (read here) Nothing Is Too Wonderful To Be True - Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (The Musical): turn any corner, there's something new (read here)      

O Oath - Cher LLoyd: for now (and forever) (read here) One - Ed Sheeran: take my hand (and my heart and soul) (read here) Oh So Quiet - Betty Hutton: it's oh so still (read here)     

P Enya - Paint the Sky with Stars: Paint The Sky With Stars (read here) Punk Rock Princess - Something Corporate: i’d burn this city down to show you the light (read here)     

R Relief Next to Me - Tegan and Sara: Relief Next To Me (read here) Red Brick Heart (Album) - Performance: Red Brick Heart (read here) Rhiannon - Fleetwood Mac: taken by the wind (read here) Ribs - Lorde: reeling through the midnight streets (read here)

S Scar Tissue - The Red Hot Chili Peppers: I'll Make it to the Moon if I Have to Crawl (read here)    Something Great - One Direction: come on jump out at me (read here) Someone New - Hozier: electing strange perfections (read here) Some Trust - The Fray: Fake you're full and feel tomorrow (read here)   Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood: So Put Your Hands (In The Holes Of My Sweater) (read here) Sing When You’re Winning - Robbie Williams (album): Sing When You’re Winning (read here) Still Take You Home - Arctic Monkeys: But I'll Still Take You Home (read here) Sunday - Earl Sweatshirt ft. Frank Ocean: Loving You's a Little Different (read here) Shine - Years & Years: everything i can arrange, every part of me you change (read here) Stones Around The Sun - Lewis Watson: we're only stones around the sun (read here) Speak Now - Taylor Swift: speak now or forever hold you peace (read here) Sugar - Maroon 5: don't let nobody touch it (unless that somebody's me) (read here) Sk8er Boy - Avril Lavigne: Can I Make It Any More Obvious? (read here)    

T True Love - P!nk ft. Lily Allen: you’re an asshole (but i love you) (read here) Tröjan Du Hatar - Norlie & KKV: The Shirt You Hate (read here) Take Me To Church - Hozier: let me give you my life (read here) Thinking About You - Radiohead: shit, i still love you (still see you in bed) (read here) This Is Gospel -  Panic! At The Disco: Truth Be Told (I Never Was Yours) (read here) Temporary Fix - One Direction: we’ll call this what you like (read here) // feel you on my neck (read here) Thunder - Boys like Girls: you’ll always be thunder (read here) Tea for Two - Doris: Tea For Two and Two For Tea (read here) Toxic - Britney Spears: Taste of a Poison Paradise Tomorrow - Daughter: just the outlines of our hands (read here)

U Unbelievers - Vampire Weekend: Unbelievers (read here) Underwater - Mika: with your love we could breathe underwater (read here)

V Various Storms & Saints: Florence + The Machine: you’re bleeding, but you’ll be okay (read here)

W When We Were On Fire - James Bay: A Fallen Star That Shines No More (read here) Whirlpool - Sea Wolf: hoping this cold blue water scrubs me clean and spits me out again (read here) Whatever You Like - T.I.: it ain't trickin' if ya got it (read here) Whatever You Like (T.I. Cover) - Anya Marina: whatever you like (read here) Wake Me Up - Ed Sheeran: and now a piece of me is a piece of the beach (read here) Wolf Am I (And Shadow) - Mewithoutyou: walk heavy on delicate ground (read here)    Way In The World -  Nina Nesbitt: Way in the World (read here) Wear It Like A Crown -  Rebekka Karijord: Wear It Like A Crown (read here)

X XO - Beyoncé: your heart is glowing and i'm crashing into you (read here)

Y You Got Time - Clare & the Reasons: You Got Time (read here) Young and Beautiful - Lana del Rey: Young & Beautiful (read here) Your Name Is Tattooed On My Heart - Screeching Weasel: Your Name Is Tattooed On My Heart (read here) You Drive Me Wild - The Runaways: you drive me wild (you know you do) (read here) You Are The Blood - Sufjan Stevens: You Are The Blood (read here)

[softpink]

A Year in Spotify: March 2018

March is the worst month of the goddamn year. It’s just a vacuum of grief and loss and hurting. I miss Mike so much, and I’m making progress in coming to terms with it, but holy fucking shit I wish he hadn’t died. That’s all I have to say about this month, I’m happy for it to be over.

50. Store - Carly Rae Jepsen I can't play pretend, wish it hadn't come to this But you know there's some things you can't mend

49. Can’t Hold Us Down - Christina Aguilera Making up a few false rumors or two That for sure is not a man for me, slandering names for popularity It's sad you only get your fame through controversy But now it's time for me to come and give you more to say

48. The City - 1975 Don 't call it a fight when you know it 's a war With nothing but your t-shirt on

47. Discovering the Waterfront - Silverstein Pretend it’s not forever I'll pull myself together, I'll say that I'll forget her, I'll breathe And I'll say she never hurt me, and look at it as learning And laugh about the good and the bad 

46. Getaway Car - Taylor Swift Well he was running after us, I was screaming, "go, go, go" But with three of us, honey, it's a side show And a circus ain't a love story, and now we’re both sorry

45. Fight Test - The Flaming Lips Cause I'm a man not a boy and there are things you can't avoid, You have to face them when you're not prepared to face them

44. Sober - Lorde Midnight, we’re fading Till daylight, we’re jaded We know that it’s over In the morning, you'll be dancing with all the heartache

43. Double Cross - Senses Fail All my pictures have faded over time I burnt the negatives of you

42. Sleeping With a Friend - Neon Trees All my friends stay up past midnight Looking for the thing to fill the void I don't go out much like I used to Something about the strangers and the noise

41. A Song For Ernest Hemingway - The Wonder Years And I heard all about how his plane went down after Christmas in the Congo He read about his own death in the paper, I bet it was freeing to know When you destroy anything worth chasing, there's nowhere left to go

40. A Change of Heart - The 1975 And she said, I've been so worried about you lately You look shit and smell a bit You're mad thinking you could ever save me Not looking like that

39. Hum Hallelujah - Fall Out Boy I love you in the same way there's a chapel in a hospital One foot in your bedroom, and one foot out the door

38. First Letter From St. Sean (Rearranged) - Sorority Noise I am not alive, I didn't mean to leave you when I died I was too scared you might be the one to leave There's so much more to life than the flick of a knife

37. So It Goes... - Taylor Swift Cut me into pieces Gold cage, hostage to my feelings

36. Truffle Butter - Nicki Minaj Your whole style and approach, I invented And I ain't taking that back, cause I meant it

35. I Don’t Fuck With You - Big Sean I swear I hear some new bullshit every day I'm waking up It seems like nowadays everybody breaking up That shit can break you down if you lose a good girl I guess you need a bad bitch to come around and make it up

34. Dress - Taylor Swift I'm spilling wine in the bathtub, you kiss my face and we're both drunk Everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about us

33. Me vs The Highway - The Wonder Years I remember me at eighteen, naked in your parents' basement Young and careless, watching you blow smoke rings And I remember me at eighteen You sat stoic in front me, a portrait of who we'd someday be

32. The Waterboy Returns - Modern Baseball It’s fun to be all talk, but I won't be here forever Rough time to be a lost soul, I'm sure, but we feel the same Death won't bring friends and flowers to your grave

31. You’re Crashing But You’re No Wave - Fall Out Boy Case open, case shut But you could pay to close it like a casket

30. State of Grace - Taylor Swift We are alone, just you and me Up in your room and our slates are clean Just twin fire signs, four blue eyes

29. Writer in the Dark - Lorde Stood on my chest and kept me down Hated hearing my name on the lips of a crowd Did my best to exist just for you

28. I’m Serious I’m Sorry - Jeff Rosenstock I wanted to tell you I know how it feels when The people you love just start disappearing Ashamed that you took their presence for granted But I didn’t want to seem condescending

27. Bonfire - Childish Gambino They told me I was awful man, that shit did not phase me Tell me how I suck again, my memory is hazy

26. She Way Out - The 1975 With a face from a movie scene Or magazine, you know what I mean

25. Don’t Take The Money - Bleachers And I saw your face and hands, colored in sun and then I think I understand

24. The “I” in Lie - Patrick Stump It might’ve felt good for a minute But admit it to yourself it ain’t right When you’re sleeping with your lover But you’re living with your wife

23. Flicker, Fade - Taking Back Sunday So you can go, go, go, if you want to I wouldn't try and stop you I couldn't say I blame you

22. Loverboy - You Me At Six Your past has you in a choke hold But you deserve it from what I've been told

21. A Little Uncanny - Conor Oberst You know old Ronnie Reagan, he was a shoe salesman's son He got himself in the movies, he impressed everyone He fought trial by fire, was America's fate He made a joke of the poor people, and that made him a saint

20. Like a River Runs - Bleachers The summer's gone and I'm alone And I get the feeling that you're somewhere close And I wanna get up, to the rhythm of your wild, to the rhythm of your wild heart It beats, been beating since you've gone

19. Something - Julien Baker I just let the silence swallow me up The ring in my ears, the taste of blood Asking aloud why you're leaving But the pavement won't answer me

18. Blacktop - Julien Baker But I know you're in the pews, the same as stools around the bar And I know I saw your hand when I went out and wrapped my car

17. Treacherous - Taylor Swift And I'll do anything you say, if you say it with your hands And I'd be smart to walk away, but you're quicksand

16. The Way - Ariana Grande You got my heart, don’t know how you did it And I don’t care who sees it babe I don’t wanna hide the way I feel when you're next to me

15. Hard Feelings/Loveless - Lorde When you've outgrown a lover, the whole world knows but you It's time to let go of this endless summer afternoon

14. Cry - Carly Rae Jepsen He never wants to strip down to his feelings He never wants to kiss and close his eyes

13. Jacksonville Skyline - Whiskeytown I was born in an abundance of inherited sadness And fifty cent picture frames bought at a five and dime

12. Go Home - Julien Baker And I haven't been taking my meds Lock all the cabinets, send me to bed Cause I know you're still worried I'm gonna get scared Cause I'm alone again and I don't like the things I see

11. Reckless - You Me At Six Your loose lips let, let words slide You spend too much time talking about my life Stories you will spin just for a power trip It's safe to say that I am not into it

10. All I Need - Radiohead You are all I need I'm in the middle of your picture Lying in the reeds

9. Cutting My Fingers Off - Turnover I never wanted to make you go You might be a stranger now But I just wanted to let you know that I meant what I said

8. Rich as Fuck - Lil Wayne (Will rapping this entire goddamn song on the drive the DC is forever burned into my memory)

7. No Halo (Rearranged) - Sorority Noise The same things that plague you still plaguing me God called you to fulfill a vacancy I tried to see why it wasn't me

6. Sex - The 1975 You and your fit friends anyway I'd take them all out any day They've all got back combs anyway You've all got boyfriends anyway

5. Wild Pack of Family Dogs - Modest Mouse And I’m sitting outside my mud lake, waiting for the pack to take me away And right after I die the dogs start floating up towards the glowing sky

4. Green Light - Lorde But honey I'll be seeing you, wherever I go But honey I'll be seeing you down every road I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it

3. Everybody Lost Somebody - Bleachers And there's a reason I wake up alone in strange places A reason I see myself in a million faces A reason I can't stop it all from changing So come on, motherfucker, you survived, you gotta give yourself a break

2. Supercut - Lorde In my head, I do everything right When you call, I'll forgive and not fight Because ours are the moments I play in the dark We were wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart

1. Drummer Boy - MisterWives Never want to wake up next to anybody else Never in my life did I want to hear the wedding bells You make me believe in something I claimed untrue Set my fears on fire, like a phoenix I am new With you, I am new every scar fades away, less existent with each day they fade away

[pxrtyanthem]

PLAYLIST ;; HENDRIX AND NIXON

TOTAL SONGS: 23

( @hecrtlcss )

1. OUTER SPACE / CARRY ON BY 5SOS

“i guess i was running from something, i was running back to you. lost here in london, with nothing, i’m still running back to you. if you could love me again, i could let go of everything. the darkest night never felt so B R I G H T with you by my side, love me like you did, love me like you did, i’ll give you everything, i’ll give you everything.”

2. WILD BY TROYE SIVAN

“leave this blue neighbourhood never knew loving could hurt this good, and it drives me wild, cause when you look like that i've never ever wanted to be so bad, it drives me wild. you’re driving me wild, wild, wild.  you make my heart shake, bend and break but i can't turn away and it's driving me wild. you're driving me wild.”

3. WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER BY 5SOS

“in the moonlight you looked just like, an angel in disguise. my whole life seemed like a postcard. you were mine for a night, i was out of my mind. you were mine for a night, i don’t know how to say goodbye.  making all our plans in the santa cruz sand that night. i thought i had you in the palm of my hand that night. screaming at the top of my lungs till my chest felt tight, told myself that i’m never gonna be alright. you had me wrapped around your finger, i’m wrapped around your finger.”

4. SHAPE OF YOU BY ED SHEERAN

“i'm in love with the shape of you, we push and pull like a magnet do. although my heart is falling too, i'm in love with your body. and last night you were in my room, and now my bed sheets smell like you. every day discovering something brand new, i'm in love with your body.”  

5. TROUBLE (STRIPPED) BY HALSEY

“would you sit me on the couch with your fingers in my mouth? you look so cool and you’re reading me. it’s cause a little trouble, oh you make me feel so weak. i bet you kiss your knuckles, right before they touch my cheeks.”

6. I WANNA BOI BY PWR BTTM

i wanna boy to keep the bed warm while i shower, i wanna boy to keep the bed warm while we're watching tv, i wanna boy to keep the bed warm when the whole house is freezing, i wanna boy who isn't anything like me.”

7. IFHY BY TYLER THE CREATOR

“for example, ten minutes can’t go without you brushing my thoughts, that’s fourteen forty a day, a hundred and forty four times i think about you or something like that. lost match. the fucking thought of you with somebody else, i don’t like that. cellular convos get left in the air cause i get so fucking mad when you don’t write back ...... fuck, i love you ... but i fucking hate you, but i love you. i’m bad at keeping my emotions bubbled, you’re good at being perfect, we’re good at being troubled, yeah.”

8. THE WORLD IS UGLY BY MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

“the world is ugly, but you’re beautiful to me. are you thinking of me? like i’m thinking of you. i would tell you i’m sorry, but i really need to go. i just wanted you to know, i’m thinking about you every night and every day.”

9. AM BY ONE DIRECTION

“won’t you stay till the am? all my favorite conversations always made in the am. because we don’t know what we’re saying. we’re just swimming around in our glasses, and talking out of our asses like we’re all gonna make it, yeah.”

10. I WANNA BE YOURS BY ARCTIC MONKEYS

“you call the shots babe, i just wanna be yours. secrets i have held in my heart, are harder to hide than i thought. maybe i just wanna be yours, i wanna be yours, i wanna be yours.”

11. PLAYDATE BY MELANIE MARTINEZ

“it’s getting harder to breathe under the sheets with you, i don’t want to play no games i’m tired of always chasing, chasing after you.”

12. FIRE & DESIRE BY DRAKE

“i figure out you, you figure out me, we’re both a different breed. i’m following your lead, i ask you what you need you say a guarantee. i mean you say that like it’s easy.”

13. A LITTLE DEATH BY THE NEIGHBOURHOOD

“touch me, yeah. i want you to touch me there. make me feel like i am breathing, feel like i am human.”

14. HEART SHAPED BOX BY NIRVANA

“i’ve been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks, i've been drawn into your magnet tar-pit trap. i wish i could eat your cancer when you turn black.”  

15. NICOTINE BY PANIC! AT THE DISCO

“i taste you on my lips and i can’t get rid of you. so i said damn your kiss and the awful things you do, yeah you’re worse than nicotine, nicotine.”

16. SWEET DREAMS, TN BY THE LAST SHADOW PUPPETS

“and all my pals say that i’m crazy, you bet i’m loopy alright.. and as your shrinking figure blows a kiss, i catch and smash it on my lips. darling i, can’t seem to quit. completely falling to bits. i really might be losing it, the idea that you exist. darling it’s ridiculous. i don’t know what to say. baby we oughta, fuck. seven years of bad luck out at the powder room mirror, could i have made it any clearer?  it’s love like a tongue in a nostril, love like an ache in the jaw. you’re the first day of spring with a septum piercing.”

17.  MERCY BY SHAWN MENDES

“please have mercy on me, take it easy on my heart. even though you don't mean to hurt me, you keep tearing me apart. would you please have mercy on me? i'm a puppet on your strings and even though you got good intentions i need you to set me free. would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart?”

18.  LOST IN REALITY BY 5SOS

“you throw me around like your rag doll and throw me away like your cigarettes and pick up the pieces of whatever's left of me, they're yours to keep.. i can’t escape you  anywhere even in my dreams, all in my head is pictures of memories, words that you said to me.”

19. SOMEBODY ELSE BY THE 1975

“i don’t need your body but i’m picturing your body with somebody else. our love had gone cold and you’re intertwining tour soul with somebody else. i’m looking through you while you’re looking through your phone and then leaving with somebody else. no i don’t want your body but i hate to see you with somebody else.”

20. MILLION DOLLAR MAN BY LANA DEL REY

“one for the money, two for the show. i love you honey, i’m ready, i’m ready to go. how do you get that way? i don’t know. you’re screwed up, brilliant, look like a million dollar man, so why is my heart broke?”

21. IS THIS HAPPINESS BY LANA DEL REY

 “you're a hard man to love and i’m a hard man to keep track of. you like to rage, don't do that. you want your way, you make me so mad...... i think you're fucking crazy as the day's long.. man to man, heart to heart, i love you but you drive me so far.”

22. CANCER BY MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

“now turn away, because i’m awful just to see. all my hairs are abandoned, all my body, all my agony, know that i will never marry .. because the hardest part of this is leaving you.”

23. HOLDING ON TO YOU BY TWENTY ONE PILOTS

“you are surrounding all my surroundings, sounding down the mountain range of my left-side brain. you are surrounding all my surroundings, twisting the kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes.”

[dismissyourdoubt]

03/18/2017

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. Seven Wonders by Fleetwood Mac, Self Control by Frank Ocean ft. Yung Lean and Austin Feinstein, UGH! by The 1975, Love Money Party by Miley Cyrus ft. Big Sean, Someone Like You by Adele, In My Eyes by Best Coast.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Honestly I can’t deny my love for Anderson Cooper like hi daddy

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “...time. I cover her up, then go to bed and dream.”

4) What do you think about most? Honestly, boys and work.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? It says: “wait the hoodie was more than that it was a different one i was looking at but still got it for $18 bc only 36”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? I sleep with underwear on, but that’s it.

7) What’s your strangest talent? Fucking things up and pushing people away, overthinking everything.

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence) Literally as if @ this question

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Um yeah guys actually all of Frank Ocean’s love songs are about me because we’re in love soooooo

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? As if I know

11) Do you have any strange phobias? I have a pretty bad fear of ovens? Like I’m afraid that I’ll basically either fall in or be pushed in and then burn myself and die.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? No but there’s a hilarious story about my dad sticking a pencil eraser up his nose in Catholic school and what happened when it got stuck up there...

13) What’s your religion? I don’t really follow any religion, I like certain aspects of Buddhism but I don’t know enough about it to actually consider myself a Buddhist. Sooo yeah I don’t know.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Walking to/from the bus stop for work, because in the winter that’s really the only reason I leave the house, lmao.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it, usually... Although I film fake vlogs all the time because I think it’s so fun...

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Okay so like the way this question is phrased, I’m only considering bands, not solo artists. So... hmm... Daughter

17) What was the last lie you told? I told my dad I can’t go to a family dinner tomorrow because I have a test, he doesn’t know my driver’s license is suspended because of a speeding ticket and I don’t have it back yet...

18) Do you believe in karma? I mean, I like the idea of it. I don’t know if I necessarily believe that it actually happens.

19) What does your screen name mean? Song lyrics, from Broken by S. Carey.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My greatest weakness is honestly my depression and the fact that I’m awful at taking care of myself; my greatest strengths are my work ethic and my intelligence.

21) Who is your celebrity crush? I mean if I had to pick just one I’d probably have to say Tom Daley... or Hunter Parrish?

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? I actually don’t think I have.

23) How do you vent your anger? By texting a friend or something like that. I normally don’t get “angry” though, more just annoyed or upset.

24) Do you have a collection of anything? I have a collection of antique keys, tapestries, glass pieces and other stoner shit.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? I mean honestly neither like just text me honey, it’s much easier for me that way

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become? This is a good question. I look at who I was a little over a year ago, and I’ve definitely changed as a person, and the change has definitely been for the better. So, in that regard, I’m happy with the person I’ve become. At the same time, I do feel that I have such a long way to go. I want to start going back to the gym and make a lot of other changes in my life. But I’m definitely on an upward journey.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Okay I’ll just say I love the sound of Kehlani’s voice because I’m listening to her right now... And I hate the sound of babies crying.

28) What’s your biggest “what if”? What if I can never have a successful relationship and I end up alone?

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I mean, honestly, I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t be that surprised if either of them existed. So I’ll just go with yes for both.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. With my right arm, I touched the back of the couch I’m sitting on. With my left arm, I touched the wall right next to me. So exciting.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? Oregano ;)

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Is college an answer to this question?

33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast? Definitely West Coast, even though I live in Pennsylvania, I’m dying to move to California...

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? This is a hard question because there are so many queens I’ve been idolizing lately... Tinashe, Kehlani, Jhené Aiko, Beyoncé, Zara Larsson, Ariana Grande, like damn they’re all hot as hell, you know?

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? As if this question isn’t gonna send me into an existential crisis.

36) Define: Art. Okay literally.

37) Do you believe in luck? I mean, yeah, I definitely think that at some points in your life you are “luckier” than you are at other points in your life. But, I think it’s entirely coincidental how much “luck” you have at any given point in time.

38) What’s the weather like right now? It’s not as cold as it’s been the past few weeks. I think it’s around 40, and it’s kind of windy/rainy, but not snowing (it was last night), so that’s good.

39) What time is it? 7:22 PM

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I drive. I’ve never been in an accident, although I did have a near-death experience driving on the parkway a few months back. It was raining and my tires started spinning out of control; I almost crashed off the side of the road and then my car swerved across both lanes of traffic and almost crashed into the middle barrier... Then somehow I regained control of the vehicle. Crazy shit. Not fun.

41) What was the last book you read? I literally don’t know. Maybe Perks of Being a Wallflower?

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? In a way, yes.

43) Do you have any nicknames? Nothing really other than Kev which is just short for Kevin.

44) What was the last movie you saw? Get Out. It was fucking wild. Especially because I went into it without having seen any trailers or anything like that... But I highly recommend.

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Ummm, I’ve never broken a bone or anything like that, so I’m honestly not sure lmfao

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? I haven’t and now I’m kind of sad that I haven’t. Like thanks for calling my attention to that.

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Kehlani, I’m definitely obsessed with her right now, like without a doubt. Her and Tinashe but what else is new.

48) What’s your favorite music genre? R&B

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Of course.

50) Do you believe in magic? I mean, probably.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? I try not to. I mean, when I cut someone out of my life, it’s (typically) pretty permanent. But I also understand that people change, so I’m not sitting around holding onto hatred for anyone.

52) What is your astrological sign? Capricorn

53) Do you save money or spend it? A combination of both. I make enough money that I can do that ;)

54) What’s the last thing you purchased? I spent like $400 on Amazon, oops. But that included nice chino pants, a ton of random drinks like Snapple and Diet Coke, a tiny golden statue of an elephant, you know, things I totally needed... I also bought a beginner’s dabbing kit which included a little wax container, a dabber, a carb cap, and a titanium nail, so yeah that’s cool.

55) Love or lust? This is a hard question. Like lust is so much better when it’s passionate and there are feelings (love) involved, and love can be so great but love also hurts like fuck. So I mean you know there are definitely pros and cons to both so I don’t know.

56) In a relationship? HAAAAAA AS IF

57) Are you a virgin? Nope.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope, definitely can’t do that.

59) Where were you yesterday? Work, then home, which is literally how I spend 99% of my days, so no surprise there.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? CYNTHIA IS PINK

61) Are you wearing socks right now? Nah son

62) What’s your favorite animal? The zebra. I just think they’re so beautiful and majestic and stuff.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? I really don’t have one? I just act like myself and hope for the best?

64) Where is your best friend? She’s at a party with her boyfriend’s family.

66) What is your heritage? Like primarily Czechoslovakian on my dad’s side, I’m not too sure about my mom’s side, but you know I’m basically as white as they come.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping. I’m an old man so I go to bed early now.

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name? This is the stupidest question ever and I’m also just noticing that question 69 is missing. And 65 was missing too. Probably others. Bish wut.

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yes, I’ll always listen if you need to talk about anything, I’m pretty chill and easy to get along with.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I would stop to save the dog, then explain the story to my boss. If the boss wasn’t understanding about that and honestly wanted me to leave a dog there to die, that’s probably not someone I’d want to work for anyways.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? a) Yes, I tell a select few. b) I travel, try different drugs, try to experience as much as possible in my last month. c) Obviously I would be afraid?

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love. Love, trust is impossible for me anyways.

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Distraction by Kehlani, current obsession

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 8108

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? There are a lot of things that make up a great relationship, I’m certainly no relationship expert but I think some of the more important of those things are mutual trust, attraction, respect, and compatibility.

77) How can I win your heart? Consistent communication, paying attention to the little things, asking how I am, stuff like that.

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Absolutely.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Dropping out of traditional college and switching to an online university.

80) What size shoes do you where? YOU MEAN WEAR? 10.5 or 11.

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Ya know, my name, birthday, death date, maybe a cute little illustration, nothing too fancy, just the standard tombstone because I’m nothing too special.

82) What is your favorite word? I really don’t have an answer to this question...

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart. I thought of the song Black Heart by Carly Rae Jepsen.

84) What is a saying you say a lot? AS IF

85) What’s the last song you listened to? Currently listening to Nights by Frank Ocean my king.

86) Basic question: what’s your favorite color/colors? Growing up, green was always my favorite color, like olive green. But honestly now I’m more into the blues? And obviously black.

87) What is your current desktop picture? It’s like a scenic portrait of a mountain and a sunset.

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Donald Trump. Am I going to get arrested for typing that?

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Honestly ask me anything, I’m not afraid to tell the truth, haha.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? I really wonder how stoned the person was who wrote this survey...

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Ability to read minds! Or invisibility. Yeah I’d actually probably like invisibility the best.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Can I just erase the entirety of 2015?

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? FRANK OCEAN

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Somewhere in California or Hawaii. Or maybe I should leave the country and go somewhere nice in Europe like Amsterdam.

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? No I don’t.

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? I never have.

98) Ever been on a plane? Yeah, like three or four times.

[vinylbay777]

Week in Review: New Songs / Music Videos You Need to Check Out (May 27-June 2, 2018)

It can be hard to keep track of all the new songs and music videos that come out in a given week. It’s understandable, I mean, life gets hectic and there just isn’t enough time. However, with the weekend here, now is the perfect chance to catch up on all the new music released over the last seven days.

This week saw a lot of high-profile artists releasing new songs and videos. Maroon 5 and Kesha both released new videos this week from their latest releases. Gorillaz, who announced their upcoming album ‘The Now Now’ this week, released a new single to go with it, as did The 1975, who announced two new albums. The week also saw some impressive country singles from the likes of Dierks Bentley and Dan + Shay. As for rock, we got new videos from the likes of Good Charlotte, Johnny Marr, Oh, Weatherly and This Wild Life, as well as new songs from Jim James, Dee Snider, The Wonder Years and Scars on Broadway.

Vinyl Bay 777, Long Island’s music outlet, loves new music. That’s why we’ve once again been scouring the internet for the week’s hottest new songs and music videos. Here are seven of our favorites that we think will be worth checking out.

1.       Dierks Bentley feat. Brothers Osbourne, “Burning Man”: Country artist Dierks Bentley released the inspirational video for his new single “Burning Man” this week. The song hits hard with its galloping pace and self-reflective lyrics. For the video, Bentley introduces the viewer to a man who had a heart attack at age 25 and his inspirational story about how he turned his life around. Such gives the song a second, equally pronounced meaning, one of being able to change one’s life but not their fighting spirit. (video)

2.       Maroon 5, “Girls Like You”: With virtually staccato pacing and fairly minimal instrumentals, “Girls Like You” comes off focusing almost entirely on the lyrics. The pounding beat highlights everything that frontman Adam Levine sings, adding a bit of bounce and danceability to it. I don’t feel like Cardi B’s verse was quite necessary, but it doesn’t hurt it either. In fact, the song comes in and out of it pretty smoothly. (video)

3.       Dan + Shay, “Alone Together”: Yet another fantastic song from Dan + Shay’s upcoming self-titled album, “Alone Together” is an upbeat pop-country track that will have to tapping your toes to the beat. These guys know how to write a good love song with lyrics that are swoon-worthy. (video)

4.       Gorillaz, “Humanity”: The first single from Gorillaz just announced new album ‘The Now Now,’ “Humility” finds the band returning to a more structured sound. Electric guitars and island-like percussion loops drives the song’s easy, laidback tempo. Such gives it a summer time, breezy feel, perfect for laying out on the beach soaking up some sun. (video)

5.       Good Charlotte, “Actual Pain”: The official video for “Actual Pain” was released this week and it’s almost as heart-breaking as the song itself. Telling the story of a mother and her son, the video first shows us the kind of relationship the two have and enjoying each other’s company. By the middle, however, we see the mother in a deep depression, virtually immobile on the bed and her son trying to get her out of it. She snaps at him, which then tears the two of them apart. It paints a good picture of the effects of depression and mental illness and how it doesn’t affect just the one depressed, but the family as well. (video)

6.       This Wild Life, “Catie Rae”: “Catie Rae” has a sweet, simple melody that is guaranteed to make you smile…or at least hum along. The acoustic guitar and ukulele combo drives home this feeling while the orchestral interlude near the end adds another layer to the first love / only love story it tells. (video)

7.       The 1975, “Give Yourself A Try”: The 1975’s latest single “Give Yourself A Try” is very conversational in tone, finding frontman Matt Healy imparting his millennial wisdom on the younger generation, telling them to lighten up and take a chance on themselves. The lyrics are supported by fast guitars that keep the song’s early 2000’s alt-rock vibe moving along at a staggering pace. (video)

The weekend is a great time to catch up on some of the new songs and videos you may have missed during the week. Check out some of our favorites above and kick your weekend off right with some new music.

                                                              ---

Discover music new and old at Vinyl Bay 777, Long Island’s favorite new independent record shop. We have thousands of titles to choose from in a wide variety of genres to fit most music lovers’ tastes. Browse our growing selection of new and used vinyl records, CDs, cassettes, music DVDs and memorabilia in store at our Plainview location or shop online at vinylbay777.com. Whether you’re looking for something new or looking to rediscover the classics, we have you covered. And with more being added to our selection all the time, you never know what you might find at Vinyl Bay 777.

[oselatra]

24 hours in Fort Smith

Arkansas's West.

24 HOURS

IN

ForT SmitH

ARKANSAS'S WEST.

Mattie Ross, the 14-year-old protagonist of Charles Portis' "True Grit," does not think Fort Smith actually belongs in Arkansas. She cannot help but notice "that big wide street there called Garrison Avenue like places out west" and that "the buildings are made of fieldstone and all the windows need washing." In all honesty, Ross decides, "Fort Smith ought to be in Oklahoma instead of Arkansas."

It is only the Arkansas River, after all, that separates Fort Smith from Oklahoma. Nowadays, unlike during Ross' time, one can drive instead of gallop down Garrison Avenue (still unusually wide for a Southern town and evocative of the West) and over into the Sooner State within minutes. This gives Fort Smith, Arkansas's second-largest town after Little Rock, a unique feeling of mixture. Add to this a sizable immigrant population and the town's history as an outpost in colonialist pushes against Native Americans, and you've got a place that can be hard to describe. In the past two years, Fort Smith has become less known for its Hanging Judge Isaac Parker and more for its astonishing public art project, "The Unexpected."

So see the murals

If there's only one thing you'll do in Fort Smith, make it a driving tour of the massive murals that adorn historic buildings downtown. A project of local booster group 64.6 Downtown (646downtown.com), "The Unexpected" project has since 2015 brought artists from around the world to transform Fort Smith. At the OK Feed Mills, 700 B St., for example, Australian artist Guido van Helten has turned silos into something spectacular with his three portraits of blue-jeaned folk collectively called "American Heroes." On the front of the Kress Building at 800 Garrison Ave. is Houston artist (and Puerto Rico native) Ana Maria's painting of a winged bug man and an octopus woman eyeing each other. London street artist D*Face, whose "War Paint" mural of a Native American woman using a paintbrush as an arrow went up last year in the Park at West End, also installed five 1,100-pound arrows near North B and Grand Avenue, a work underwritten by the Choctaw Nation, and is the creator of "Bad Lands" at 317 Garrison Ave. There are 25 murals, three public art installations and more work on the way.

Let the kids run off some energy

Just like Mattie, take a walk down Garrison Avenue. It's the main drag for Fort Smith and in the heart of downtown. If you look up, it still has the wide berth and big sky of the Wild West, but down below are the trappings of any normal downtown for a mid-sized city: nice restaurants, boutique businesses (there's a fancy popcorn shop) and a Ferris wheel. Wait, what? Yep, there's a Ferris wheel, at the aforementioned Park at West End, along with a small collection of other amusement park rides right along the river.

Eat Vietnamese food

Here is one of the fiercest battles in Arkansas: Pho Vietnam, at 2214 Rogers Ave., or Pho Hoang, at 2111 Grand Ave.? For those who are not acquainted with this debate, let's go back to the beginning. Some people are asking: Why is Vietnamese food the go-to eating option in one of Arkansas's most Southwestern towns? In 1975, after the Vietnam War, a great number of Vietnamese people were resettled by the U.S. government in Arkansas, first at Fort Chaffee. Restaurants and grocery stores catering to and owned by the immigrants soon followed. Both Pho Vietnam and Pho Hoang are great, though Pho Hoang has better pho. It's also got a great indoor design, with its name pasted on the fluorescent lights. But if it's a banh mi sandwich you want, you might want to go to Pho Vietnam, its banh mi is a bit better. Maybe go to both.

Back on your feet

Walk around the Fort Smith National Historic Site complex at 301 Parker Ave. to soak up a little history. The first Fort Smith began as a military outpost at Belle Point, the confluence of the Arkansas and Poteau rivers, in 1817; its foundations can be seen today. Soldiers were sent there to create peace between two Native American tribes, the Osage and Cherokee, who'd been pushed into western Arkansas by colonialist expansion. In the 1840s and '50s, Fort Smith became one of the gateways to the West as families and soldiers headed for the Gold Rush or to fight in the Mexican-American War; in 1851, the federal government established the Western District court of Arkansas in Fort Smith, and it was there that famous Judge Parker sentenced 160 people to death in a 21-year tenure. At the historic site, you can walk the Trail of Tears, lined with informative panels on Indian removal, see the Commissary building, the oldest on the site, which stored food for troops; and the Visitor Center, which includes the barracks, courthouse and jail buildings.

Miss Laura's brothel, er, Social Club

Miss Laura's, 123 First St., is right beside the historic park, so you can finish off your stroll here. It's a former brothel that now operates as a welcome center where you can see what the bordello's rooms used to look like. It's famous, primarily, as emblematic of many houses of prostitution that stood on the edge of Native American territories, where outposts lay. We'll let you decide how to explain that to the kids.

Relax for a bit

Booklovers will want to now chill out in the perfectly dusty Snooper's Barn, at 208 Towson Ave. If you're looking for the newest hardcover, this place probably does not have it. But there are stacks of every romance novel and Western seemingly ever written — entire shelves for the Longarm Westerns (there are 436 in the series). In the back are stacks of yellow and fading National Geographics, some folded into plastic to keep them from tearing. You can flip through and see old photos. This place is everything you want in a used book store. Where else can you find a book dedicated to teaching hygiene to high school students in the 1980s? Or, a self-help book featuring a man crazily grinning on its cover? Once you've got something weird to read, there's a coffee shop down the road called Fort Smith Coffee Co., at 1101 Rogers Ave., where you can get a jolt of caffeine.

More food

If you went to Pho Vietnam for lunch, you can complete the Gas Station Gourmet Tour of Fort Smith and go R&R's Curry Express at 1525 Rogers Ave. (Pho Vietnam is located in what used to be a gas station and R&R is located on the side of what still is a gas station.) It's got great Indian food for cheap — most items are below $10. Two great Salvadoran options are Pupuseria Viroleña, at 1517 N. 11th St., and Restaurante Salvadoreño Norita, at 2901 Midland Blvd. Emmy's German Restaurant, at 200 N. 13th St, is a pricier sit-down restaurant with schnitzel and sauerkraut. If you're looking for a beer, Bricktown Brewery, downtown at 318 Garrison Ave., is an outgrowth of an Oklahoma City-based company with fun comfort food like Jalapeno SPAM fries.

Spending the night?

If you don't want to do the Holiday/Hampton/Hilton shtick, see if Michael's Mansion at 2900 Rogers Ave. appeals. The three-story bed and breakfast, built in 1904, is on the National Register of Historic Places and features stained glass windows, quarter-sawn oak woodwork and other neoclassic glamor. It has an art gallery, too.

24 hours in Fort Smith