#and how the hell did they smuggle these letters past the other guys

[pharawee]

—TWINS THE SERIES · Episode 8

[airis-paris14]

Dress Up 7

Summary: She’s not his fiancée, but no one else needs to know...

1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8

“Your father does not sound convinced that you are doing something legal here during your time away from home,” T’Challa smiled as he carried Sirobie along the grassy hill. “He will never be fully convinced. I’m far away from home and I may have been a little conniving when I was younger.”

T’Challa paused to hitch her higher on his back. “How conniving is a little?” The king laughed as Sirobie buried her face in his neck. “Let’s not talk about it,” she groaned laughter shaking her chest. “I think they like you though,” Sirobie broke the silence after their laughter calmed down. “You think so?” The king helped her slide off his back. “Yeah, especially Soleil, she wants to come see your big house now,” Sirobie laughed. The student helped the king to unfold and spread the long blanket his mother had forced them to bring along after kicking them out of the palace. 

Queen Ramonda had pushed T’Challa out of a special meeting he’d been in all day with her, Shuri,  and Okoye and demanded that he seek out Sirobie's company. When the king had found her speaking with her family, he jumped into the conversation and tried to reassure her father that he and his family only had the purest of intentions with his daughter.

Well, they weren’t as pure as they could be on his end, but they were the feelings any man has for the woman he loves. Did T'challa love Sirobie?  He watched as the student settled on the grass and bent over to begin unpacking the basket they’d packed before heading out. As he watched her movements he knew that he was definitely head over heels in love with her, it’d only been three months, but she felt like his soulmate. Sirobie was everything he didn’t know he was looking for and it was perfect. They complimented each other and he wanted to stand at the edge of this cliff and shout it to the world, but he was spoken for. In a week, she’d be leaving him and they would most likely never cross paths again.

Her warm hand on his face startled him out of his thoughts, “Are you alright T’Challa?” The king nodded and sighed. “Sirobie,” he gently grabbed her hands, “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want to scare you.” He pulled the graduating senior into his lap. “You can tell me anything, I am not leaving you to go anywhere willingly,” She encouraged. He moved his hands to her waist, “I’m in love with you Sirobie. I know its only been a little over a month, but I know it deep down in my soul. You are my soulmate and it is killing me that I have to let you go.”

Tears pricked Sirobie’s eyes and she smiled, “ You know it is killing me to leave too. I honestly don’t know if I am in love, but I do know that if this isn’t love, I don’t want love.” She caressed his beard and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss heated up and sirobie found her back against the soft blanket beneath them. She moaned and widened her legs so that T’Challa could move closer to her in between them. She felt him against her thigh and whimpered as he pressed himself into her but pulled back. Sirobie opened her eyes that she hadn’t realized slipped closed, “What, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to do this out here,” The king stood and pulled her up with him, he began pulling her down the hill and Sirobie laughed almost tripping over herself. “T’Challa slow down! What about the basket?”

“We will send someone out for it. I have some very important business to attend to right now,” The king scooped her up bridal style and hustled her down the hill. Their laughter rang out as they made a way to the palace. 

“My queen, princess, where is T’Challa?” Okoye walked into the room and paused, noticing the missing king. 

Ramonda and Shuri looked up from the contract they had been studying for the past two weeks.”He is out on a picnic with Sirobie, why what is wrong?”

“We have a lead. We believe the youngest Habredis boy acted of his own accord” the general moved further into the room. “He tried to kill T’Challa?” Shuri moved around the desk to face the general.”With T’Challa out of the way-”

“He could be king by marrying Shuri. Or so he assumed,” Ramonda finished. “Which is a much more viable position than having his sister be queen or marrying the princess and only bringing her home to his country.” Okoye theorized.

“Not like I’d wanna go anyway,” Shuri scoffed. “Shuri, call your brother,” Ramonda glanced out of the window before looking back at the other women,” I’d say that attempted assassination is a breech of contract, wouldn’t you general?”   

Sirobie swiped at the air as T’Challa pressed kisses all over her face. “Leave me alone,” she moaned, pulling the soft sheets closer around her naked body. “My mother is calling me for an emergency meeting, but I’ll be back later. Put on something nice, I wanna go out to dinner then finish what we started,” he smirked and pressed a kiss to her lips. Sirobie nodded sleepily, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” the king pushed her braids out of her face and kissed her forehead. 

“Well, I see you got further than I ever did.” Sirobie groaned as a voice invaded her sleep. She fluttered her eyes open and jumped as Kamyra appeared in her vision. She clutched the sheets to her chest. “You know, if I didn’t hate kids so much, I’d get him to knock me up too, then maybe my duties would be fulfilled and I could leave this hell hole.”

“It is not that bad,” Sirobie interjected. “If that’s how you feel,” Kamyra shrugged and hopped off of the end of the bed. She moved to a suitcase in the corner and began unpacking. “I’m glad you had your fun, but I’m sure you know what comes next,” the woman held out her hand with Sirobie’s student ID in it. 

Sirobie slowly reaches for the card, tears flooding her eyes. “Please stop crying. All you had to do was pretend to be me. No one told you to go and get your feelings involved,” Kamyra pushed her to move faster out of the bed, holding the sheets closed behind Sirobie walking her into the hall and down to her guest room. “Get showered and get dressed. Somebody already packed up your student apartment and your things will be waiting for you on the plane.” 

Sirobie could do nothing more than nod as the true princess slammed the room door shut. The artist let the tears run down her face faster and dropped the bed sheets she’d been dragging. She took a quick shower and came out to find Eshe, Lesedi, and Kasigo waiting for her with bags packed. “We saw lady Kamyra and came to say goodbye and help you pack,” Eshe offered a sad smile while the other two wiped tears. 

The other ladies in waiting nodded, “all of your shoes, jewelry, skin care, dresses, clothes, everything we packed up for you. It’s a lot, but it’s all yours and maybe you’ll be able to remember us by it.” Lesedi smiled and wrung her hands together. “I also called my cousin that’s a war dog in America. His friend in DC is gonna be there to pick you up and make sure you get all of your things back to your dorm.”

Sirobie couldn’t help herself as she pulled all the women into a hug. From the time she first set foot in the palace they’d been her backbone. From favors to just gossiping friends, they’d made her months here a lot less scary and she’d truly owe them for that. Kasigo was the first to step back from the hug. Her eyes were red and her hands were continuously dabbing away tears, “and when you win a Grammy I expect an invitation to come to the states to see you.” The women broke out into laughter and tears. 

“Of course, I promise,” Sirobie sniffled. Eshe walked over to the door and grabbed a large leather portfolio bag, “here are all of your paintings and sketches. I thought you might like to carry these personally.” 

Sirobie nodded and all of the women frowned. “Well we better get you on a plane before Lady Kamyra has our heads for holding you up,” Kasigo sighed. “I wrote down the instructions on how to write to us and slipped them in your tote, so you can stay in contact. The Zula’s at the post office agreed to help smuggle your letters into the palace.” 

Sirobie beamed, “thank you guys for everything. I’ll write as soon as I get back in my dorm and send some pictures.” 

“Especially your graduation photos.” Lesedi demanded before she and Kasigo headed out of the room with two bags each. “Eshe,” Sirobie called before her lady in waiting could leave the room, “I painted this as a gift for T’Challa,” she pointed to the canvas setting covered by a cloth in the corner, “I was supposed to have it framed this afternoon. Would you mind having it framed for me and then giving it to him since I won’t be able to?” 

“It would be my pleasure,” Eshe reassured her. 

 Kamyra was standing at the jet pad by herself. Sirobie looked around wondering where the Queen, Shuri, and T’Challa were. “They are not coming and they won’t know you are gone until I walk in and announce I am home.” Kamyra started, “Now I am grateful for the opportunity you provided me to experience college, but I am not sorry that you cannot stay. No one told you to go and fall in love or make close bonds. They are not your family. You knew this was going to end at some point. You got to be rich for two months, I got to be a student. We both got what we wanted. But you cannot have T’Challa.”  

“Mother,” T’Challa rushes into the room. “What is going on?”

“Well you took your sweet time getting here,” Shuri snickered, noticing her brother's beaming smile.

“I was spending some quality time with Sirobie and I was not the most excited in the world to leave her-“

“And you won’t have to,”Ramonda interrupted, “We can break the contract.” T’Challa’s eyes widened, “you are serious?” 

“Yes genius!” Shuri grinned. The king pulled his mother and sister into a hug, “I have to go tell Sirobie. If she wants to stay. We have so much to plan! She already took a job in LA. Will we do long distance? What if she wants to work here-“

“First, we have to annul the contract and that is going to be a little tricky,” the queen interrupted his rambling. “What do you mean, what is the loophole?” 

“Kamyra’s brother tried to kill you.” 

T’Challa paused and stared at his little sister. Ramonda stepped in, “that gives us ample cause to terminate the agreement. But Kamyra was not in on the plan which complicates things. We know how her family is and it would be unfair to put her in danger by not going about this in the wrong way.” 

“Which means I can’t tell her now,” T’Challa frowned. “Exactly, we have to pretend that everything is fine. If Sirobie knows she could become a target as well and we cannot protect her from them in the US without raising suspicions and causing a whole lot of US and Wakandan relations political problems.” 

T’Challa nodded and sighed, “So we stick to the original plan, move up the wedding and once all the elders are assembled move for annulment.”

“It is for the best,” Ramonda reassured her son and pulled him into a hug. “I know mama, I just hope Sirobie can hold on that long. 

Sirobie watched the land disappear behind her from the large jet window and sank lower into her seat. She reached up and unclasped the vibranium necklace around her neck. Tears stung her eyes as she slid off her engagement ring and pulled it onto the chain. She replaced the necklace around her neck and tucked it into her shirt, ready to bury everything in her memories. The Howard student leaned against the wall and let the ship, and tears, lull her to sleep. 

“None of you ever saw this. That girl left of her own accord,” Kamyra warned all of the attending servants, kings guard members, and Dora Milaje before waking back inside. The runaway stalked into T’Challa’s bedroom and noticed a sketch of him and Sirobie cuddled together on a couch. Blood boiling she crushed the paper in her hands and rushed out on the balcony where she saw a candlelit dinner set up. “Sorry loverboy, but neither of us gets to have a happy ending.” Kamyra hangs the water color Sirobie painted of her, across from T’Challa’s bed and grabs the dress she sees hanging in the closet with Sirobie’s name on it. 

“Lady Sirobie,” the pilot called as the student headed away from the ship. Sirobie looked on with surprise as the woman abandoned the craft to come hug her. “You will truly be missed by everyone in the palace. Please keep in touch through Kasigo, Lesedi, and Eshe.”

The pilot stepped back and Sirobie smiled. “I will. Thank you again for everything.”

 The warrior crossed her arms before stepping back onto the ship. After loading her four suitcases into Lesedi’s friend’s truck, he helped her lug everything up to her apartment door before he took off to get to work. She reached for her keys before someone screamed, “Oh my god, you’re back!”

Sirobie saw her best friend hurrying down the hall. “At least I think it’s you, you have your own key and a suitcase-”

“Kamyra was here?” Sirobie interrupted, the blood in her veins heating up. “Yeah! She just showed up trying to pretend to be you. Once she realized she could fool me she said that y’all had decided to trade places. Not that I minded, but I would have liked a heads up! I had no idea who shawty was. Walking up here like she pay rent,” the other student huffed, grabbing two of the suitcases and helping her friend bring them in. 

“It wasn’t planned. She stole my identity and left me in Wakanda.”

“There was a criminal living in our house?! Why didn’t you call?”

Sirobie pushed her bags into her room and mentally decided to wash her sheets. Not that she thought that Kamrya was dirty or disrespectful, but the thought of touching anywhere she’d been was enough to set her off. “I just learned how to call my own family a few days ago. And I didn’t know she was here. How’d she even get my address?”

“Who knows,” the other roommate plopped on the bed as Sirobie surveyed her room. Everything was in place except for a package on her desk. “They delivered your cap and gown this morning,” Sirobie grabbed scissors and pried the box open as her friend explained. “I can’t believe we’re graduating,” the artist sighed.

“I know, but I am so glad you're back. I really missed you Ro.” 

Sirobie placed the mortar board and gown back in the box. “I missed you too Niyah,” she grinned and tackled her roommate in a hug. Laughter filled the air as Daniyah pushed her longtime friend off of her. “Did you ever decide where you are going to med school?” Sirobie asked. She stood and began unpacking her new pieces. “Well I got a letter in the mail yesterday from Southern California, and I got the Geffmen!”

“Are you serious!” Sirobie screamed and jumped with her friend, “You’re going to Med School for free!”

“I know! And what about you, any job offers?”

Sirobie frowned, thinking back to the conversation she’d had with T’Challa, “I took a job as a production assistant on Insecure,” she plopped on to her bed, fishing the sketch of her and T’Challa out of her bag.

“That’s great! We love that show!”

“I know-”

“Wait what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I was just remembering when I told someone else about that job offer.”

“One of your friends in Wakanda? They weren’t happy about it?”

“No, he was ecstatic, he pushed me to accept it,” Sirobie smiled wanly. “He?!” DaNiyah dropped onto the bed. “Girl, you are holding out on me! What happened in Wakanda?”

Sirobie untucked her necklace from her shirt and twiddled the ring between her fingers, a habit she’d picked up when it was on her finger, and it had seemed to carry over to it on the necklace. DaNiyah’s eyes widened when she saw the huge diamond. “It’s a long story.”

“Girl, I have nothing but time. So start talking.”

T’Challa’s knee bounces as he waits for Sirobie to come out of the bathroom. He took a sip of the wine from his glass to calm his nerves. His selfish side wanted to tell Sirobie tonight that he’d found a loophole. That she didn’t have to leave right away, but he knew that he couldn’t. One, she would have to leave anyway. He would not keep her from finishing her last months of college. He figured she had friends and places that she’d miss once walking across that stage. She loved her school and he heard it in her voice every time she talked to him about it. Second, if he wanted there to be a chance for them to work, he would have to handle the Kamyra situation with the utmost caution. He did not want anyone suspecting or accusing Sirobie of anything. If the Habredis were bold enough to attempt an assassinaation in his own country, there was no telling how far they would go to get revenge if they realized Sirobie was the woman he chose to spend the rest of his life with.

T’Challa paused once his rushing thoughts caught up with him. Spend the rest of his life with Sirobie?  Sure, he’d ‘proposed’ but the thought itself was new. It did not scare him or feel weird to even imagine. It felt perfect. It set off butterflies in his stomach but he could not imagine life happening in any other way. His memories wandered back to the orphanage when Sirobie cradled the newborn baby. She looked so beautiful and at ease. He wanted her to hold a child they created together like that. With love pouring out of her breathtaking brown eyes. He now knew why the scenario felt right in that moment. His heart had known that he would fall in love with every facet of her within the short time she would be in his life. Now that she was leaving, he saw a large Sirobie hole being left in her wake and he could not let it go unfilled. 

The sound of someone clearing their throat startled him out of his thoughts. The king shot up, but his smile fell as quickly as it was raised. “Kamyra,” the king spit.

The princess poked her lip out in an exaggerated pout, “You did not miss me my love?”

“Where is Sirobie,” he grit. Kamyra waved his concerns off. “She’s fine,” the runaway grabbed her glass of wine off of the table and took a sip, “probably in her apartment unpacking. When we met up this morning, she insisted on leaving without saying goodbye. I tried to tell her to at least say goodbye but-”

“Why don’t I believe you,” the king sneered. “Because T’Challa,” Kamyra took a sip and settled on one of the chairs, “You want desperately to believe that we can find love, end this contract and be happy, but it’s time that we both get real.”

“And what would that look like Kamyra?”

“Realizing that we’re both just pawns in an elaborate game. We’re both stuck! Might as well accept fate and be miserable together,” she raised her glass in a mock toast, waiting for T’Challa to join. 

“Says the woman who threw a temper tantrum then ran away for three months,” the king took his glass to the head before placing the empty cup on the table and strolling out of the room.

Taglist: @sarahboseman @waitingonafriend-blog @thiccdaddy-mbaku @sarcastic-sunshines @ororowrites @derangedcupcake @mzbritt @leahnicole1219 @dramaqueeenamby @marvelheaux @skysynclair19 @halfrican-heat @kaciidubs @queertrex @kumkaniudaku @purple-apricots @autumn242 @thedelightfulone @90sinspiredgirl @royallyprincesslilly @wikiwakanda @chaneajoyyy @sisterwifeudaku @sarahboseman @tchoking @almostpurelysmut

[uraharasandals]

hi i was hoping if you could do a reader x dazai fic where they date in the port mafia then work at the ADA together! thank you so much! 💞

Hi!  Thank you for requesting! The story was getting a bit long so I decided to just show their first interactions after being reconciled instead of working together. I hope you like it! 

(Also I haven’t used Tumblr since ages I have no idea how to navigate things whoops)

   It wasn’t easy being a spy, but somehow you’ve managed it and came out of it in one piece. Alive. Well, barely, considering the day you handed in your resignation letter you were shot in probably ten different places. Flesh wounds, but all the same, it was a near death, and they weren’t letting you off so easily.

  And apparently, more so today, because as you swung out of bed, the ghost of fiery pain shot up your back, where some lackey or another apparently decided it was a good idea to knock you out with a blow to the back of the neck, except they missed. So now you were left with crippling pain down the column of your spine, and by God did it hurt.

  It took about twenty minutes of wincing and gritting your teeth, all the while grasping the bedframe so hard your knuckles turned white, and stars erupting behind your eyelids, but eventually the pain subsided, and the ability to be able to breathe without a new jolt of pain was as much of a relief as a breath of fresh air after submerging in water. One of the training methods in the Special Ability Department, you recalled, for combatants.

  Combatants. The title caused a memory to surface; your colleague, a bespectacled and dodgy man by the name of Sakaguchi Ango. He was one of the government’s spies too. Where was he now? 

  The ten paces from your bed to the bathroom was enough for about a thousand possibilities to emerge. Shot. Killed. Tortured. Hung. No; they didn’t do that anymore. Too old-fashioned, apparently. But still a chance. Or he survived. Who knows? 

   What did it matter, anyways? 

   Not then, and certainly not now. Once you’ve reported back to the Department, you decided to quit, having had enough running errands for the government which was half-assed anyways. Thankfully, Taneda-san was understanding, and kind enough, to write you a reference for the Armed Detective Agency, ran by a former colleague of his who also served the government once-upon-a-time. You might find it quite suitable for you, he said.

   And so that was where you’d spent about half a year or so, fumbling with the ropes but slowly managing now. It was the next thing on the agenda too, after gulping down a cup of steaming black coffee, which you’d learnt in the mafia the best way to spring oneself straight into action. Boarding the train, milling amongst about a few hundred people in the subway station, before emerging and heading to the brown brick building.

   The normality of it all was honestly absurd.

   Just a few months ago, you were sitting in an office, acting second-in-command for one of the five Executives under Mori’s command, Ozaki Kouyou. Back then, the documents and lists detailing Port Mafia-owned warehouses, targets and whatever that needed to be done was the norm. Planning an assassination on someone, or taking stock of explosives in a warehouse, or riding the limousine with Kouyou to another meeting, was the norm. That was the pace of life, along with the discreet smuggling of information back to the government. 

   There was another thing that was the norm, you reflected as a hand grasped the shower knob, turning it almost absent-mindedly, allowing the shower of warm water cascade down your body, which reminded you of his touches. Stolen kisses behind closed doors, a brush of fingertips on skin during meetings, that knowing look across the room when it was time to report back to Mori. 

    It was probably the steam coming from the water, but nonetheless you could feel slight heat creeping up your cheeks as you relieve those memories, before deciding that scrubbing them away along with the lingering sleepiness was probably the best course of method. There was, after all, no point in thinking about the past. Anyone from the mafia was the enemy now, and he was no exception. You shouldn’t let your heart soften just because of one single man, and there was no way you were about to start. 

    Still…

    The relationship was nice while it lasted, no doubt, and you reflected upon this fact as you watch lemon-scented foam wash down the drain. But just before you were the target of everyone — well, nearly everyone’s — bullets, the young executive had disappeared. After the death of his best friend, or so it was rumoured, a man called Odasaku. You didn’t remember his actual name, he was referred to as such by too many people. That was probably one day before you handed in your resignation letter. Not that you meant for it to happen; that was pure circumstance. A short while before that, Sakaguchi Ango also disappeared. 

   Now, whether that was pure chance was another matter. All you knew was that you definitely did not plan on resigning in the midst of that chaos; for all you knew, that was probably fate playing games with you. Unfortunately, because of, ah, previous entanglements and relationships with Dazai, you had somehow became the centre focus of practically every die-hard mafiaso on that day you stood in front of Mori in his office, which was probably the reason why they were all so trigger-happy to send you off to an early grave. Not because of suspected disloyalty, though some might have came to that conclusion (obviously, those who had more brain-cells), but it was highly likely that they decided to shoot you due to having a relationship with the escaped Executive.

    Well, let them doubt and plot and think to their deaths all they want. Even I’m curious as to where that bastard is. 

     Anyways. There was no time to be wasted thinking of trivial things and driving oneself up walls speculating. You watched as the last remnants of water drip down to the marble tiles, before stepping out to the chilly autumn air and shivering in the cold. Wrapping a towel around yourself, you began to contemplate breakfast and what to wear for work.

     Trivial, daily things.

    “Good morning, everyone. " 

    “Oh, you’re finally here, ______.” Preoccupied with making sure the cups of coffee that you were carrying wouldn’t fall and splatter onto the sparkling tiles that Kunikida was so proud of, you only looked up when you heard his voice. 

    “What do you mean ‘finally’ - ” And that was when you see him. A shadow of your past, causing a shiver run down your spine that probably felt like seeing someone from the grave alive and walking. 

     Somehow, you had managed to set the container down on a nearby desk while attempting to regain your senses. The confusion was still clogging up your head, so you weren’t sure how you did that, plus you were still focused on him. His back was in front of you, so you couldn’t see his face, but you were sure. That dark and curly hair - 

      “_______? You okay?“ 

      “I - yeah, I’m fine.“ Shit. Unwanted memories flooded your mind, and you shook your head to clear them before clearing your throat, regaining your demeanor. "W-who is this?" 

      "A new recruit. He came under Taneda-san’s recommendations. The Director’s just introducing him to us.” Kunikida supplied. Indeed, he was talking to the Director, while Yosano-sensei was surveying him, a hand on her chin - deciding the best way to cut him up before healing him, maybe? -  Ranpo was making his way steadily through a bag of star-shaped candies, but you could see him analyzing the figure as well. You weren’t sure where Kenji was, but it didn’t really matter. “I’ll introduce him to you too.” He tapped the figure on the shoulder, who spun around with a cheery grin on his face - an expression that was more foreign than his presence in this office. “This is ______. They joined our organization earlier too, so you two might just get along." 

      If the mention of your name surprised him, Dazai didn’t betray any emotion. His eyes were observant, stopping and raking your face for a brief moment before his uncharacteristic grin appeared again. "I look forward to working with you, _____-kun*. Do teach me the ropes, would you?" 

     "Gladly,” You replied cooly, stepping forward and shaking his outstretched hand. Two could play this game, and it would do no one good if they knew you two were formerly, ah, associated. And if they knew his background and where he was from, well, let’s just say that Taneda-san made sure your references excluded your time in the Mafia. He had taken care to only mention your excellent results in the government (except that the Director was eventually informed, but by that time your work for the Agency was already top-notch), so you also took care to put your mafiaso background in the past. “I hope you find the Agency easy to adapt to, Dazai-san.” For effect, you squeezed his hand, and was satisfied to see a glimmer of surprise behind his otherwise immobile expression.

      “You guys know each other?” Yosano-sensei asked, surprised. You cursed her internally, but Dazai was quick to cover up. “No way,” Dazai said carelessly. “I’m sure ______-kun is just being friendly, right?" 

      "Of course!” You made sure your smile was more than a grimace. “Oh, Dazai-san, I didn’t get your portion of coffee. Do you want to come along? The cafe downstairs is amazing.” Before he could reply, you had already spun on your heel, heading for the stairs. 

      “What the hell are you doing here?” You hissed, shoving him up the brick wall in the alley right behind the ADA’s building.  You weren’t sure what led you to this violent outburst, but it didn’t matter; shock translated to anger, and here you were. “Missing for almost a year? Turning up here in this - this new get-up and just pretending nothing happened?" 

      "Why, ______, I would’ve thought you were glad to see me. Weren’t you happy your lovely boyfriend is still alive?"  Dazai lost his cheerful facade, and the man glaring down at you showed a sliver of the danger and hostility that formed his aura during his time in the mafia. His smirk was scornful, and the light had vanished from his eyes. "Well?” He prompted, and the anger fueling you left you; your clenched fists on his shirt eased and he leaned back against the wall. 

      “I don’t know about ‘boyfriend’.” Your emotions swirled within you, and the confusion that you had when you first saw him came back. The sudden disappearance of anger made you light-headed, and you stumbled; Dazai caught you. The rough bandages brushing against your skin made memories rush back, and you fought back a sob. “But I do know the bastard in front of me is my friend. And if you want to build a relationship from that, that would be great." 

     "I’m glad you still like me, _____.” The playfulness was apparent in his tone, despite the existing rough edge. “I would’ve committed suicide otherwise. How can I live without you?”

     "Don’t say that.“ His arms circled around your neck and you were glad; it allowed some distance but still intimacy. If he had hugged you around the waist you weren’t sure how you would respond. "I don’t want to hear you joking about your death anymore. Do you have any idea - " 

      "I do.” How quiet his voice was surprised you. “I’m really sorry, _______. I had to take care of something. But it’s alright now. I’m turning over a new leaf. The mafia is behind me. I’m done killing people. I’m done being Mori-san’s apprentice."  

      "I don’t care about any of that.” And you really didn’t. You had loved him when he was at his worst, in the mafia. Nothing would have surprised you, but you were happy that he decided to break free out of his own will. Spending half a year worrying whether he had died or not wasn’t easy, but now that he was back in front of you, you weren’t really concerned how he was. 

     To put it coarsely, you were just glad he was alive. 

     "Thank you, ______.“ His smell felt foreign, yet there was a feeling of returning home. You weren’t sure what happened, but tears were rolling down your cheeks and you felt ridiculously giddy; a sense of immense relief flooded your mind. You returned the hug hesitantly, and felt him murmur against your ear. "Thank you." 

 Bonus:

      "You two were gone pretty long." 

       "Yeah, we ran into the mafia halfway and spent some time knowing each other. Apparently we are a pretty good combination. Right, Dazai-san?" 

      "You got it, _____-kun! Oh, Kunikida-kun, the coffee downstairs is great! You should drink yours before it gets cold." 

      "You two what now?" 

      *so I decided to use the ’-kun’ honorific because that is applicable to both women and men. For men, it is a common honorific for those younger/close with them. ’-kun’ for women is used only when the individual is close with the addresser. In any case, this honorific shows intimacy so I had Dazai use it. And because Dazai is carelessly intimate with people (outwardly), I had the reader address him with ’-san’ rather than using equally careless honorifics. 

[missjosie27]

Control

Hey, guys!

So I’ve been working on a trade with my good pal @aleksia-aries-hogwartsmystery​ aka @thereluctantherosrose. She’s an amazing person and she drew a little gift for me this past week.

Here is my gift in return! A little fic featuring her MC, Barnaby, and plenty of angst xD

Aleksia Aries was not one who usually let life get her down. The beginning of the school year brought many challenges- the feud between the Haywood sisters, Merula’s increased anger (if such a thing were possible for the Slytherin girl) and desire for revenge, Charlie’s distance, not to mention a brand new curse that petrified people dead in their tracks. No, after years of experience in breaking the Cursed Vaults and the constant back and forth that usually occurred in her friend group, she could handle most things as long as she kept her nose to the grindstone and kept an upbeat attitude. At 5′3 with a curvaceous figure and pretty features, her personality and strength more than made up for lack of size.

Indeed, very few things could put the Gryffindor sixth year into a state. Which is what made breakfast all the more troubling. 

It started out normally enough. Though Aleksia and Rowan were girls they usually liked to sit among the boys at breakfast as it provided a great deal of entertainment. Today proved to be no different as Ben was studying defensive curses fervently while sipping his proclaimed newfound love for black coffee. Jae was idly playing with his porridge while counting his inventory stock for the day.

“How’s business today?” Aleksia grinned at him as she sat down at the table.

“Oh you know, the usual,” came the vague reply, not uncharacteristic for the Asian boy. “Just crunching the numbers.”

“You know, if you cared the same way about your marks as you do with your smuggling perhaps you’d have received more than just four O.W.L.’s last year.”

“My future lies outside the realm of academic achievement.”

He gave a wink and went back to counting his numbers when the sound of wings flapping caused the table to look up.

“Ah, the morning post is here,” Rowan said with satisfaction. Evidently, Ben was unaware of this fact as he whipped his wand as though a threat were bearing down on him from above.

“Relax, Ben,” Rowan said with a raised eyebrow. “There’s no one trying to kill Aleksia at the present moment.”

“You never know that,” came the stern reply, so characteristic of the ‘new Ben’.

“Pretty sure you need to ease up on the coffee there mate,” Charlie laughed. “Stuff has you jumpier than a bowtruckle. Ah...yes thank you mum.”

He caught a parcel from Errol, the Weasley Family owl, which was evidently some sort of fudge that the illustrious Mrs. Weasley had baked. 

“One can never be too prepared,” Ben said, burying his head back in the book. 

Aleksia rolled her eyes at her so called ‘protector’. Her long time friend’s insistence on shadowing her everywhere she went was irritating to say the least. The once timid, shy boy had seemingly forgotten that it was she that frequently protected him not to mention having faced monumental danger time and time again in breaking the curses. How quickly one forgot. Even so, she still considered him a friend and let most of his intrusive proclamations go. 

All of a sudden, a letter dropped in front of her which was rather unexpected. She had written to her mother two days ago and wasn’t due for a reply for another day at least. She then saw that the handwriting on the front was not that of her mum but of her father.

Her stomach dropped like an anchor in the sea as she reluctantly took the letter and stroked her snowy owl, Pepper, allowing her to drink from her goblet. Willing herself not to tremble, she lid open the envelope and withdrew its contents. What she read was possibly the most frightening thing she could have imagined. 

Daughter, 

I am writing this to you in relation to your coming of age. Though our interactions are sparse I am still your father and therefore I play a role in your future whether you care to acknowledge that fact or not. 

You are sixteen years of age and approaching the age of adulthood in our world. Therefore, it is high time that you look towards the most important aspect of the society in which we live: furthering the family line. I have reached out to several families of noble stock and many have expressed interest in a possible match. In particular Lady Equestria Rowle has a son your age and has arranged for you two to meet in order to get better acquainted. The marriage itself will occur shortly afterwards.

Do NOT attempt to defy me, daughter. It is the destiny of every pure blood witch and wizard to keep the line free from the rotten influences unworthy to wield magic. In order to ensure your compliance, I am sending your cousin Henry to fetch you and I expect that you will not give him trouble.

Regards,

Your Father

Aleksia felt her body go numb as she stared out into space, a concoction of rage and disbelief surging through her. How...how could he do this to her? William Aries was a hard, stern, prejudiced man and had injured her and her mother multiple times over. But never before had this sort of control been attempted on her person. Before, he was a distant figure, hard to ignore to be sure, but far away enough in mind to live life without much interference.

That time was seemingly over. And the proof of her father’s seriousness was in her cousin. Henry was just as abusive, if not more so than William and there was no doubt Durmstrang had strengthened his love for all things dark and cruel. 

Fear was unbecoming of a Gryffindor, but even the bravest carried fears. For Aleksia, it was the shadows of her father’s family. 

Suddenly feeling extremely nauseous, she rose from the table and left abruptly. 

“I have to go.”

She barely registered the looks on her friend’s faces as she stormed out of the Great Hall, nor the concerned expression on a large, Slytherin male who’s eyes followed her path. She didn’t even notice when she accidentally passed through one of the ghosts while searching for one of the private closets that Hogwarts seemed to specialize in having. The shivers the imprint of an undead person could impart paled in comparison to fear of being forced to marry a person her father deemed suitable for her.

In the darkness, tears fell silently onto the ground.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Aleksia remained subdued for the entirety of the day. Her friends noticed but no one commented, at least not at first. Even her longtime rival, Merula seemed a bit perturbed that their usual banter was absent during potions class. But it was who Penny looked especially worried, especially when the duck face Tonks made at her failed to elicit a chuckle. She cornered her after Herbology.

“Aleksia, is everything, okay?”

Forcing a smile, the young Gryffindor tried to put on a convincing face.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine, Penny. I’m just a bit distracted today. No big deal.”

The blonde remained unconvinced, however.

“I’ve known you for six years. And there’s not a day I can remember where you didn’t at least say hi to me in Herbology. There’s something up, I know it.”

“She’s right you know,” Rowan cut in, her arms clutching books but with the same worry etched on her features. “I haven’t seen you this upset since your first year. And if it’s anything to with-”

“It’s not Jacob,” Aleksia blurted out and there was no denying the sincerity in her tone.

Rowan swallowed. The two being best friends, there was only one thing that could instill such fear and loathing that she knew of.

“You don’t mean…”

“That’s exactly who I mean!” the young female Gryffindor couldn’t help but reveal. “My father is hell bent on marrying me off to some bloody tosser that I don’t even know against my will and I have no say in it whatsoever!”

The outburst was sudden but not expected as Rowan gave a fearful gasp and Penny’s eyes widened.

“Aleksia, I thought you and your father were estranged. You told me you barely talked.”

The black haired girl sighed angrily.

“You’re right. But he still has his ways of making his presence known. He still sends letters and has threatened more than once to pull me out of Hogwarts if I didn’t comply with what he wanted. Thankfully mum and Dumbledore have prevented that from happening but it’s different this time.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s sending my cousin Henry after me.”

Rowan’s face became quite ashen. As the resident best friend of the Hogwarts curse breaker she knew quite well the stories of her infamous cousin and his penchant for cruelty. 

“We’ll think of something. Let’s come up with a plan. There’s no way we’re going to let your dad or cousin do this to you.”

“It’s essentially kidnapping,” Penny agreed. “And I’m with Rowan. We can prevent this from happening and we will.”

A small smile returned to Aleksia’s pretty features but the anxiety in her eyes did not abate. Contrary to her usual social butterfly personality, this was 

“Thanks, guys. But I need to think this over alone for a while. I’ll come back upstairs to the common room and meet you there, okay Rowan?”

Both girls could sense she needed private time and nodded their heads respectfully. Penny gave her a big hug in the meantime, reminding her that if she needed anything to not hesitate. For her part, Aleksia made her way over to the courtyard to gather her thoughts.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The weather, though chilly, was also sunny, a rarity for Scotland this time of year and it allowed Aleksia to try and calm her nerves as her mood teeter tottered from angry to one of immense fear. Though she had told Rowan and a few others about Henry, no one besides her could know what he was truly capable of. Horrid flashbacks surged through her mind as painful memories of being kicked, bit, slapped, and knocked down overwhelmed her senses. Aleksia was the brave and bold Gryffindor that never backed down from anything but if there were two people in this world that could instill fear in her heart and one of them was on the way.

There was a second aspect to this that remained unspoken. Though not mentioned specifically in the letter from her father, the implication and the name ‘Equestria Rowle’ rang enough of a bell. She was married to Thorfinn Rowle, a suspected Death Eater that was never formally charged with any crime, but the Gryffindor teen was well acquainted with that circle and the fact they had a son in her year, Mortimer. Aleksia didn’t interact with him much but Barnaby’s eyes often darkened when his name came up, something not easily achieved with the happy go lucky Slytherin.

Aleksia sat down and smoothed her skirt on the edge of the fountain, mentally slapping herself. How could she have forgotten Barnaby in all of this? He was also familiar with that life given his own parents were Death Eaters. Would he know of a solution? Was he not owed an explanation? She hadn’t spoken a word to him all day and he was probably concerned maybe even hurt because of it. But it also wasn’t a coincidence that Mortimer was giving her sly looks in potions and that only added to the tension.

Burying her head temporarily in her hands, she was at a loss at how to figure this out. What was she to do? How was she supposed to tell her current boyfriend? Given that her father was still technically a legal guardian, could Dumbledore step in as he had before?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar tone, one that simultaneously brought fear and rage in her heart.

“My, my you’re predictable,” spoke the smarmy, sarcastic voice of her cousin. “Finding you was easier than I expected.”

Standing across from her, was a tall teenage boy with slightly tousled blond hair, blue eyes, and a permanent smirk plastered across his features. He wore a dark trench coat and leather boots alongside a holster that contained his wand. Though his face was alight with energy, it was not the positive kind as his cold, sea eyes glinted with a maliciousness Aleksia was all too familiar with. 

“What...why...how are you here so quickly?” she demanded, rising from the edge of the fountain.

“It was a simple matter of asking the headmaster for a favor,” Henry shrugged lazily. “Your father knows him, you see, and they share certain values. Values that are also prized at Durmstrang.” He turned his head and looked up at Gryffindor Tower. “A shame that such traits aren’t shared at Hogwarts.”

“Hogwarts is a better place with one less bigot inside its walls,” Aleksia shot back. 

He turned back towards his cousin and gave another smirk.

“Simple retort from a simple, naive girl. Hogwarts couldn’t teach you proper wizarding pride so now, your father will. You had best take a good, long glance at this place, dear cousin. Because you won’t be coming back any time soon.” 

“You can tell ‘father’ to stick it up his arse. I’m not going anywhere, least of all into an arranged marriage.”

This did not deter Henry in the slightest. Though his hand was placed on the holster, he made no move to take out his wand and began moving towards Aleksia with the same cruel smile still on his face.

“You don’t want to fight me, dear cousin. The fact of the matter is uncle wants this done quickly and I have little time to get into a war of words with you. And given past circumstances, I think you’ll remember how this usually goes.”

Aleksia didn’t have to ask what that comment meant. As children, Henry delighted in torturing her and causing fights, which he usually won. 

“Come with me without delay and without fuss, Aleksia,” he told her, stopping three feet in front of her. “And I promise I won’t hurt you...much.”

It was not a threat, it was a promise. One that the blond fully intended to carry out. Being only 5’3 there was no way to outrun him. Her back against the metaphorical wall, there were only two realistic choices for Aleksia and surrendering to her sadistic cousin was out of the question. Therefore, she took a cue from Mad Eye Moody. Quick as a flash, she drew her wand and threw a blasting hex that caught Henry off guard, sending him crashing back twenty feet and onto his back.

He was up quickly, the smirk no longer there, replaced by a vicious snarl.

“So you choose the hard way,” he spoke with quiet rage. “That’s fine, I’ve been looking for an excuse to try out a few new spells anyway. Who better than my favorite punching bag?”

A half insane look appeared in his sea blue eyes as he yelled out.

“Debilito!” 

A white jet of light struck Aleksia in the leg and immediately the area became so weak, it became difficult to stand.

“Neat little trick I picked up at school,” Henry boasted. “Can rob your opponent of most of their stamina and strength. It’ll make this that much easier.”

“You never know when to shut up do you?” the Gryffindor shot back. “Petrificus Totalus!”

The purple spell missed and just as quickly Henry was summoning another curse, this time a sickly, orange color and silent. Aleksia didn’t even want to know what it was. Henry always had an affinity for the Dark Arts and clearly Durmstrang furthered that interest and ambition. Nevertheless, she was able to roll out of the way despite the weakness in her leg and fire off a response.

“Stuepfy!”

Henry blocked it and rushed forward.

“Obtusiore Nouacula!”

“Protego!”

The deadly curse held the force of a hot, blunt knife, throwing Aleksia backwards. She briefly saw a streak of purple flame and it cut into her side but avoided the large majority of its damage. However, she barely had time to recover as Henry kept sending spell after spell against her shield.

“You know,” he called out to her. “It really is pitiful you became the black sheep of the family. A noble line of wizards sullied by your association with blood traitors, mudbloods, and all the rest of the scum that plagues our world. Your affinity for them has made you weak...and uncle won’t stand for it a second longer.”

She tried to ignore his taunts and focus on Mad Eye’s training of constant vigilance and always maintaining a proper stance. She tried to focus on what Barnaby had taught her about mixing her spell arsenal and not becoming too predictable. Even so, she couldn’t resist lashing out against the person who made her life hell during their youth.

“Fuck you! I don’t need your approval for who I am and what I believe nor do I have to look down on other people to feel good about myself. If that’s what it takes to be a part of the ‘family’...” 

She reinforced her shield while digging into her stance

“...then I was never part of it in the first place. You don’t have the power to make me do anything, especially marrying that ghastly Slytherin.”

“Oh, but I can,” Henry grinned evilly. “Because now I do have that happy power. Consider this an early wedding present, and my personal swansong to you, Aleksia!”

He pointed his wand directly at her forehead and shouted out ‘Imperio!”

The spell shattered her shield into a million pieces and hit its target without fail. Immediately, a gentleness washed over Aleksia’s mind, feeling as though she were drifting on a fluffy, cloud of some sort, all cares washed away.

Come with me, a familiar voice spoke to her from somewhere far away, its tone delightful and reasonable. You’re going to be married and further our family’s heritage. This is the life of every pure-blood worth their magic. It will be the easiest thing you’ve ever done.

She didn’t bother to try and argue, merely nodding in reply.

Now let us go back to England. Your father awaits us. He is eagerly awaiting your arrival

Aleksia’s body began to follow the order but her mind suddenly began to fight back, knowing full well what awaited her if she followed the direction.

No

Yes, cousin. You must. Come with me.

She fought harder this time as the gentle, fluffy feeling began to evaporate.

I said no 

You don’t have a choice

I won’t do it

You will do it. Take my hand now or else

“I said...I WON’T GO!!” Aleksia screamed. Suddenly, the curse was gone and she raised her wand at the unsuspecting Henry.

“Meteolo!” she bellowed.

Just like that a violent hail and snow storm began pelting Henry relentlessly, a powerful wind throwing him like a rag doll into the air and back onto the cold, hard ground. But Aleksia didn’t stop there, she levitated his body into the air and slammed it against the wall with a sickening crack. 

Running towards her tormentor, the Gryffindor teen only saw red as she began to relentlessly kick and punch every square inch of her cousin’s body, barely registering his broken nose or his bleeding forehead. 

It was for every fight…

Every tormentous incident…

All of the damage and suffering she had endured under his hand.

The descent into raw fury and revenge knew no bounds as her fists became runaway trains with no end in sight to their carnage. They may not have stopped at all until once again, intervention saved Aleksia from a worse outcome.

Strong but soft hands lifted her up and away from Henry’s body. The scent of fresh laundry and sandalwood filled the nostrils.

“Aleksia don’t,” came the deep, gentle tone of Barnaby Lee.

Red vision was replaced by reality as her heart rate began to slow and her proper senses returned. She stopped struggling.

“Barnaby?”

“I know you pain you’re feeling and I know it feels good. But you’re better than that. He’s not worth it.”

Only the gentle words of her equally gentle yet equally as powerful boyfriend could assuage the raw emotion that ran through her. Her conscience agreed with him, however a strong part of her wanted to continue the assault.

“I-he…” she sputtered. “Do you have any idea who he is? What he’s done?!”

“Yes,” came the answer. “And that’s exactly why you have to stop what you’re doing. You don’t want to become the thing you’re fighting against.”

Slowly he set Aleksia down but he did not let her go, instead forcing her to witness the damage she had wrought on her cousin. Henry’s face was bloody and bruised, with one eye already swelling shut. Coughing heavily, he stood up but staggered as he did so, breaking into another wicked smile.

“So this is the famous Barnaby Lee my cousin adores so much?” he slurred. “I’m disappointed. Someone of your stock should know a blood traitor when they see one.”

The burly Slytherin’s eyes darkened, but he did not reach for his wand.

“Leave,” he said quietly. “Leave or I’ll break you in half.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Henry was not a small man but he was no match in physical strength compared to Barnaby and he was certainly in no shape to take on a second powerful opponent in a duel. Slowly, the blond slinked away.

“This isn’t over,” he said, spitting blood on the ground and then he hurried off and out of sight.

After a few moments of silence, both teenagers let off silent sighs. Barnaby had still not let go of his girlfriend, but the truth is she didn’t want to. 

“How’d you know I was here?” she asked softly.

“Penny told me you were alone in the courtyard. I was wondering what was bothering you all day and for a while I was worried I did something wrong….”

He looked back over to the spot where Henry last stood.

“...but I had no idea it was that bad.”

“You-you couldn’t have known it’s not your fault,” Aleksia told him as she turned and buried herself into his chest. “I-I’m sorry I lost control I just…”

“I get it,” Barnaby told her kindly. “You know I do. I may not be the smartest bloke around, but I know enough that you’re too kind and caring to behave like him. I don’t want that to happen. For you to turn into…”

He trailed off and she understood immediately. They both did. Two survivors of immense trauma that lived daily with the repercussions of such injuries trying to move forward in the best way they could. As the son of a father who also attempted to control him, the sixth year Slytherin carried an empathy unmatched by anyone. 

“Promise me,” Barnaby almost begged of her.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Aleksia replied, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Just promise me as well.”

“We’ll never be like them,” came the choked reply.

In the fading afternoon, the young couple simply cried together knowing that eventually they would both be okay…

And what it would take to get there. 

[imagining-supernatural]

As It Seems: Chapter 3

Table of Contents

Según Parece: Lista De Contenidos

Summary: Dean is exhausted, but Sam told you to keep him awake, so you find... an interesting way to make sure he doesn’t pass out

Word Count: 2786

Warnings: Dirty talk kinda?

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

~Dean’s POV~

I thought the explanation would have taken longer than that. But at its most simple, my life wasn’t actually that difficult. When it came to the questions I was sure Y/N would ask, I knew that was when it would start getting complicated.

“So, what? You’re a businessman by day, playboy by night, and on weekends you’re a… what? Vigilante? Superhero?”

“I’m no hero.” Best to get that thought out of her mind right off the bat. “I guess I’m sort of an undercover agent or something.”

“So, FBI? CIA?”

How to best answer that? Well, it wasn’t like Y/N could run away so the truth was probably best. Freak her out now and give her time to get used to the idea before she could run away and put herself in danger unknowingly.

“Not exactly… They don’t know me or my team exist. We don’t always do things legally and we’re definitely not government-sanctioned.”

Being pressed up so close to her, I could feel how she was reacting by the pace of her heartbeat. I wished I could see her face. After being her boss for so long, I liked to think that I knew her pretty well. The best way to describe her was professionally reserved. She could hide her emotions well in the workplace. But after a while, I learned to read her microexpressions.

Not because I often found myself staring at her or anything.

Definitely not.

Our relationship was strictly professional.

Completely.

Still though, I felt her heartbeat speed up as she processed everything I kept dumping on her. She was taking everything well, all things considered.

“And Crowley?”

“Meeting with him was a mistake,” I grumbled. The reminder of what had happened with him made my bullet wound ache even more. “I thought he would be a possible ally. You know, the enemy of my enemy. But after I told him what we were after, I guess he decided that he wanted the tech for himself.”

Y/N scoffed. “I could’ve told you how that would have gone. He didn’t seem like the most trustworthy of people.”

I’d been struggling with the thought of letting Y/N into my team for the last few months. She had a way with people and reading everyone’s intentions. But every time I tried convincing myself to come clean, I just couldn’t do it. She deserved a normal life.

Yet here she was, in a coffin-sized smuggle hole in Garth’s RV with her boss who was about to pass out.

“Yeah, well anyway he showed up and in the crossfire between everything, that’s how I got shot.”

“Right. How’s that feeling?”

“I think I’m going to sleep.”

“No, you’re not.” She insisted authoritatively. “Sam said you have to stay awake.”

Younger brothers were a pain. Sleeping was what was best for me right now. What did he know? “Well, as your boss I’m telling you to let me go to sleep.”

“And as the person you just kidnapped, I’m going to respectfully ignore that. Sam helped me save your life, so I’m going to listen to him right now.”

“I don’t think there’s going to be much you can do otherwise, sweetheart.” My eyes were already closed in the darkness and I was surprisingly comfortable, considering the bullet wound and how close Y/N was. Though maybe the latter had something to do with it.

“Like hell there’s not,” she mumbled. Rarely have I ever heard Y/N cuss. At work she was always so put together and professional. But tonight she was yelling and cussing and talking back and it was definitely a side of her that I wouldn’t mind seeing more often. “What’s it gonna take to keep you awake? Embarrassing confessions? Dirty confessions?”

And suddenly I was wide awake.

She chuckled darkly. Just as I could feel her body’s reactions, she could obviously feel mine. “Dirty confessions it is.”

“I don’t think this is an acceptable conversation between a boss and his assistant.” This definitely was a conversation I would love to have with her when we were alone in a room and I could actually do something about it.

“Considering I’m mentally writing my resignation letter, I think we’re good.”

That was a joke. I was almost positive.

Still though, not being able to move at all when Y/N was telling me about her sex life was about to be torture. I was definitely going to have to stop this before—

“In college, my boyfriend and I went to a nude beach in Italy—“ and now I was picturing Y/N naked. It wasn’t a new thing, but this time I could feel her curves pressed against my body and hear her soft voice in my ear and there was no escape. “—and this other couple invited us back to their condo.”

“How much detail do you plan on going into?” This time the pain in my voice wasn’t because of my wound and I think that she knew that because she somehow managed to press her body even closer to mine.

“As much as it takes.”

“Let me get this straight.” Stall. Maybe if I could move the conversation away from the current track, then we could save it for some time when we were completely alone and not losing blood. “I kidnap you and tell you that there’s a whole other side to my life that I’ve been lying to you about and instead of trying to get away, you decide to tell me about all of the kinky details of your life? How is that punishment?”

I knew the answer, but I was seriously hoping that she wasn’t thinking the same way I was.

Unfortunately, Y/N was definitely thinking the same way I was. She slipped her leg between mine and moved up my body until her head was tucked into the crook of my neck and her hot breaths on my skin didn’t leave any room for negotiation. She knew exactly what she was doing and there was no way I was going to be able to go to sleep now.

“So anyway, we went back to their condo—“

“Do you speak Italian?”

“Yeah. It was on my resume. But there’s not really a use for Italian here like there is for Spanish.”

It’s still hot. Saying that now, though, would not help my cause at all.

“Honestly, the worst part of the whole night was that we had to put our clothes back on to get to their condo. But I don’t know if you’ve ever watched someone else take the clothes off of any of your girlfriends while they watch you the entire time, but my God, it’s the hottest thing.”

Now she was rubbing circles into my bare chest and everything about this situation was building up to a very unsatisfying ending. But I couldn’t find any more words to stop it because, well, I really didn’t want to.

“Actually, I take that back. Seeing the look in my boyfriend’s eyes when he watched the other woman take my clothes off was so fucking hot. I could see how he followed her every movement. I saw how he couldn’t get enough of the way she touched me.”

“Fuck, Y/N.” It just slipped out. I couldn’t help it. The imagine of Y/N with another woman… The imagine of Y/N with anyone, honestly. And the image of Y/N with me?

That was a thought that should be banished from my mind, but I wasn’t thinking rationally at all right now. Garth was a few yards away and I had just been shot and the USB in my pocket should be my first priority, but all I wanted was to get Y/N naked.

Sleep was definitely the last thing on my mind. She was way too good at this. There was limited room in this smuggle hole, but that didn’t mean everything was off the table.

“You want to go to sleep now, Dean?”

“Fuck no.” Maybe I wasn’t thinking right because of the blood loss and pain, or maybe it was because I was so incredibly turned on, but I just couldn’t help myself from tangling my fingers in her hair and pulling her face up to mine for a kiss.

This wasn’t the first time I’d wanted to kiss her—that was practically a daily occurrence—but every other time I’d managed to push away the urge. She was my assistant and we were professional. But after the last few minutes, there was no way I could control the urge.

And by the way she was kissing me back, I knew that whatever I’d been feeling the past year was definitely reciprocated. Her hands were all over my chest, shoulders, hair. Mine found their way under her shirt to dig into her smooth skin. It was pitch black which just made every touch that much more intense.

“Hey guys, you two doing okay back there?” Garth’s voice from a speaker in the bottom of the mattress surprised us apart. “Is Dean still alive—I mean awake?”

“Talk about bad timing,” I mumbled, trying to talk myself down.

“Where did you think this was going?” Y/N asked in a breathy voice. She maneuvered her arm until she could press the button to respond. “Yeah, he’s awake. We’re a little squished, but doing pretty good.”

“Great. I didn’t want Dean’s snoring to give you two away when they search us.”

“Search us?” Y/N hadn’t pressed the button, so I knew she was asking me.

I shifted, trying to relieve some pressure below the belt. “The people making the tech to drain all the banks may or may not be a dark government agency. We knew they would set up checkpoints on all roads out of the city. That’s why we’re sealed in an RV.”

“Great.” Y/N tried to pull away from me, and I knew that she was starting to freak out. Maybe the dirty confession interlude hadn’t been completely to keep me awake, but a way for her to escape from the situation for a moment.

Well, I couldn’t let her get lost in her head. So I grabbed her thigh and kept her leg over mine. She couldn’t see it, but I had a devilish smile on my face. She couldn’t go far anyway in this small space, but I didn’t want her to go anywhere at all. Keeping her rooted to the moment was just a pleasant side effect. With my other hand, I pressed the button. “How long is the line of cars?”

“About ten. And they’re looking closer than my Aunt Esther when she lost her glasses.”

“So we’ve gotta stay quiet for a while.”

“I’ll let you know when we’re next in line,” came Garth’s response.

“What’s your play, Dean?” Y/N’s voice was dangerously low and I knew that she was starting to think about the situation and the new revelations about me.

That kiss had been spur of the moment, and now it was wearing off. I needed to take a step back or I might scare her off completely and I needed her to stick around so she would stay safe.

“You never finished your story about your night in Italy.”

“You’re awake. I don’t need to.”

She was playing that way, huh? Well, I could play too. Dirty confessions was the game? I had plenty of those. Now I just needed to use what I knew about Y/N and what I’d guessed about what she was into to find a story from my past to get her distracted enough that she didn’t overthink. Once we were past the checkpoint it wouldn’t be such a big deal. But I couldn’t have her purposefully making noise to let them know where we were in a false attempt to save herself.

Plus, I really wanted to know if I was right about guessing what she was into. I would have never guessed the foursome scenario from her, but that didn’t mean I was wrong about other kinks.

“Have you ever let anyone tie you up?”

Her muscles instantly tensed up and her heartbeat started racing. I was so right.

“I’ve been on both sides,” I continued, trying to keep my voice as level as possible. “But I really like tying up the women I’m with. Them giving me total control. I love taking my time getting to know her body. Has anyone ever made you completely lose it before they even get you completely undressed? It’s the best feeling to have them straining to touch me, but they can’t. I can learn every nuance of their bodies.”

“Dean…”

“It’s kinda like right now. You’re not able to move—“

“Neither can you.”

And there was a sudden role reversal in my mind. “You wanna be on the other side? You like to be in charge, sweetheart? Tie me up? I bet you’d just love to do anything and everything to me. Run your tongue all over my body. Leave marks wherever you want.”

“God, Dean, you have got to shut up right now.”

I think both of us were way too turned on for our current circumstances, but there was no way I could even consider letting this go now. “Why? You had no problem turning me on a few minutes ago. I’m just giving you a taste of your own medicine.”

“Because you’re bleeding from a gunshot wound and we’re about to be searched by some, some, some secretive, villainous, government agency and—“

“Don’t think about that right now. The more anxious and tense you are, the more likely you are to accidentally give us away.” She took a few deep breaths, and I felt her fist that was by my head clench and unclench a few times. My own hand slowly stroked her hair, like my mom used to do with me when I threw a fit. “Good, good. Now are you going to help me distract you, or are you going to keep arguing with me?”

“Arguing with you is relaxing, Mr. Winchester. It’s familiar.”

“We’re not too good at turning off our arguments though. That could cause problems.”

“And talking about our sex lives until both of us can’t stop from feeling each other up won’t cause problems?”

Fair point. “Then what do you suggest?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Ask me questions. Make me talk about myself. I’m really good at doing that.”

Ask her questions about herself, huh? I tried to come up with something, but quickly realized that I had a problem. I knew next to nothing about her. She had been my assistant for a year and she probably knew more about me than I did, but I knew only a few details about her personal life. What kind of a boss was I?

“Tell me about your…” A brief memory of Y/N mentioning a niece crossed my mind. “Niece. How is she?”

“She’s great. My brother actually mailed me this tee-shirt last week because Addy wanted us to have matching shirts. She called me and made me promise that I would wear it to bed every night just so that we could have a magical connection that would last all day long the next day.”

Her shirt… All that I knew was that there were some bright colors. I hadn’t exactly been focused on her clothing when I’d burst into her apartment tonight. “What shirt is that?”

“Moana. She was so excited for that movie that I flew out just to watch it with her. I made a whole weekend of it.” Y/N was getting much more relaxed by now. A smile was peeking through her words, and I couldn’t help my own smile at the love she had for her niece. “I bought some Moana stuff beforehand because I knew that we would love it. The internet was raving and, I mean, you can’t go wrong with Lin Manuel-Miranda, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, and someone as cute as Auli’I Cravalho. I even got a hotel room for the two of us so my brother could have a weekend to himself.”

“Where’s her mother?”

And just like that, the light mood that had been created evaporated. “She’s not in the picture. She was… well I was going to say kind of a bitch, but there’s no kind of about it. Addy’s way better off without her.”

“At least she’s got you, right?”

“At least she’s got me,” Y/N echoed as if in a trance.

I was just about to ask another question when Garth’s voice crackled over the speaker. “They’re coming up to the RV now. It’s show time, lady and gent.”

NEXT CHAPTER

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[impalaanddemons]

Gravity - Part 14

Summary: Reader’s a young security officer (Lieutanent Junior Grade) who happened to be on an away mission and fall hard for a certain Chief Engineer. Both of them aren’t the most outgoing regarding their feelings and tend to just watch each other from a distance, which is going to change.

Wordcount: 1650

A/N: I am so sorry for how long it took me to write this, but at the moment work and my wedding and my move and such are all chipping away at my time as there’s so much to organize and do. I am sorry!

Apart from that: This is it. The last part of “Gravity”, a fic I started to get back into the fic writing business. I thank each and everyone of you for your time, your kind feedback and the nice words you left me and that encouraged me to keep on writing. I learned so much while writing this fic. I learned to love this fandom, which is kind and welcoming and supportive. Thank you, guys!

Also: There will be a, short, epilogue, before this fic is finally finished. But just a short one :)

This fiction is set in AOS

Warnings: Implied sex. Fluff. MORE FLUFF.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Morning sneaked into your room on silent toes, as if not to disturb the softness of sleep and the tangle of entwined limbs on the sheets. The first light of an artificial sun crept upon our eyes, through the glass windows and traced your skin where your lovers lips had walked before. You woke to the warmth of another body next to yours and the soft up and down of his chest, because your fingers sprawled across it. He stirred and through half opened eye lids you could see the first light of the day catch in his blondish hair, tug at his lips and soften the rough edges of his body. You exhaled, smiling, reliving the memory of the day before vividly. Your fingers traced idly over his chest, fingers drawing a line down to his stomach, slowly following the line of his hip. He grumbled something, a sound that tickled in your chest and made you giggle with delight and he blinked slowly, his left hand cupping your face. A smile spread on his lips.

„Ya’re’ke..?“ he mumbled and you giggled once again. „What?“ The engineer „hmph“ed and rolled on his side, arms catching you in an embrace and pulling you close. His lips caught yours and the kiss tasted of promises made last night. „Ya’re awake“, he stated, this time more clearly and his smile spreading into a grin.

A morning was no time for speeches and long talks, but for stolen kisses and to bury his face in your hair, take a deep breath and gently, lazily explore each other as only lovers did. It was a time for giggles and whispers and love letters written by your lips on his skin and him answering with his fingers dipping south and curiously eliciting the language of delight from your lips. Those early rays of light were there to form a net, catching the words that fell from each others lips as your bodies moved in unison.

Noon was the time for laughter and trickling water that fell down your chin. Water that dripped down your shoulders to be eagerly caught by his tongue. Noon was soap in your hair and his fingers getting lost in the tangle of your hair. Each bursting bubble of soap contained more laughter until you had to catch your breath and lean against him and you got to your knees and grinned at his widening eyes and the soft „Oh“ sound he made, full of pleasure and surprise. Noon was soap in your eyes and mission abort and more laughter until you found yourself on the bed again, hair still wet and dripping.

„So.“ „So?“ You had just finished lunch and decided to actually put some clothes on. For the moment - and for the party. Scotty as well as you yourself seemed to have gotten at least a hundred messages on your PADDs telling you about the when and who and where. „We’re actually gonna leave this hotel?“ „If we dinnae show up tonight, Captain’s gonna send an away team“ the Scotsman smirked, standing in front of a range of shirts. They were spectacular in color, to say the least. „He wouldn’t dare! He knows exactly .. I mean ..”, you cleared your throat, remembering your exchange with Bones. „Knows that we’re bein’ at it?“, he raised his eyebrows and turned his head to face you for a second. The way he stood there, clad in his black trousers and without a top, you found it somewhat difficult to register his choice of words. „Yeah.“ „All the more reason for him to send an away team.“ „You could fight them of bare handed.“ „Aye, lass. Me bare handed, bare chest, Captain storming in to lead them.“ you started to laugh at the thought of it. „After him comes Mr. Spock, Phaser set to stun, right crashing through that door.“ he chuckled, chose a shirt and a jacket. You watched him in silence. Never had you assumed to wake up next to Montgomery Scott. You never had expected to go to bed with him in the first place. And even if, you’d expect it to be a one time fling - looking at him now you felt lucky and the way he lifted his head and his eyes lightened up when he saw you, you just knew the feeling was mutual. „So.“ You lifted your eyebrows. „We’ve got 4 hours until the party starts, so I propose we explore Yorktown and head for the club afterwards.“ He walked over to you and offered you his arm, which you gladly took. „Let’s go.“

The booming sound of techno music welcomed you to the designated party of today. Loud enough for you and Scotty to have to yell at each other to communicate. Lights flashed across the dance floor and the first people were already dancing, but the both of you pulled over to a group of familiar faces. Kirk waved you over. „Ah, young love.“ he quipped and grinned, skipping a proper welcome and just patting you on the shoulder. „You two look good. Enjoying your stay, huh?“ „Yes…“ you stretched the world and grinned too, if somewhat forceful. That man knew no boundaries. Scotty squeezed your hand gently and you could see the amusement crinkling the corners of his eyes. Bones nodded vaguely in your direction, a glass of scotch in his hands and only breaking his talk with Sulu for a short moment. You caught the eye of one of your crew mates. „I’ll be over there, Monty, if you’re looking for me.“ and left the group to greet your friends from security.

Music played and ebbed away. You were dancing away, drinking with your friends and toasting each other to a great party, shore leave, new found love and loved ones lost. Someone had managed to smuggle a version of „Old Yorktown“ into the Clubs playlist - an old sailor song someone on one of the exploration vessels with more talent in music had rewritten to fit the age of space exploration. It had spread like wildfire across the ships.

It’s a damn tough life full of toil and strife
 We spacemen undergo

You sang along - it was more of a chant with your friends and crewmates, someone pushed a tumbler with an amber liquid into your hands. You shoved it down in one go, without giving your tongue time to taste the liquid. You didn’t care.

And we don’t give a damn when the gale is done
 How hard the winds do blow

Arms grabbed you left and right and you laughed as you huddled together, still chanting and very, oh so very drunk. You could see Montgomery Scott standing at the edge of your group, a soft smile on his lips, tumbler in his hand and sipping the same liquid you had downed earlier. Bones stood next to him, arm on Scottys shoulder and they both laughed at something he said. But his eyes. His eyes were on you and before the chant took you back in, you smiled back at him. Yours.

We’re homeward bound from the Deep Space Ground
 With a good ship taut and free

Your throat felt raw and dry from singing but everyone was there and the feeling of belonging, of being part of something bigger and greater then yourself elevated your mood. „For Hyden“, someone yelled and everyone lifted there glass and drank and someone actually managed to get another round of drinks for everyone without ever stopping the song. Your legs felt somewhat unsteady, but you decided to ignore it.

And we don’t give a damn when we drink our rum
 With the girls of ol’ Yorktown

Another round of drinks and you lifted your glass as „Yorktown“ fell from your lips and just before you could fall in with the chorus you yelled: „For Cas!“ and glasses were raised and answered „CAS!“ in unison. Someone squeezed your shoulder and dizziness crept into your brain and started to slow down your comprehension for motion but you shoved your drink down and jumped into the chorus with the rest.

Rolling down to ol’ Yorktown, me boys
 Rolling down to ol’ Yorktown
 We’re homeward bound from the deep space ground
 Rolling down to ol’ Yorktown

You stumbled into Scottys arms drunk and laughing and he steadied you with a soft chuckle. „Easy there, lass.“ his accent was stronger then before, a good indicator that he had his share of drinks too. Someone patted his shoulder while going past the two of you, but you were too drunk to see or care. „We .. should head home, handsome scotsman.“ you spluttered and giggled and snuggled into arms. „Ya’re drunk as hell“, he stated and patted your head in an awkward motion. „Ya’re not off better!“ you quipped back in an attempt to mimic his accent. He just laughed and the two of you made your way to the exit. „Yes, yes we’re leaving“, the scotsman yelled over his shoulder and for a second it was you steading the both of you. You giggled again. Another chorus of „Rolling down to ol’ Yorktown“ reached your ears, just as the fresh air hit your face. It felt sobering, but only for a second and until you turned your head to the scotsman and felt how your vision seemed to lag behind the movement. It was that state of being. You would regret tonight. Tomorrow morning. But not now. „Monty…“ you said, the both of you zigzagging slowly back to the hotel. „Yes?“ his eyes caught yours, warm and kind and hazy from alcohol. „I think I love you.“ He stopped and smiled and cupped your face with one hand to give you a small, shy kiss. „I think I love ya too, lass.“

Behind you someone opened the door to the club and you could here the crew of the Enterprise sing.

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[boystownbirdie]

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E5

Welcome back! In case you’re new, this is “Let me watch TV 4 U,” the blog where I watch TV so you don’t have to. I’ll be recapping Game of Thrones, Season 7 Episode 5 and SPOILERS ABOUND SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Tonight’s episode was titled “Eastwatch” but a more fitting title would have been “Don’t I know you from a few seasons ago?” If you’ve been following GoT for awhile, you might know that “unlikely alliances” is one of George R.R.R.R.R. Martin’s go-to-setups. He really gets off on taking 2 characters who are TOTAL OPPOSITES on paper and watching them learn to get along, just like the premise of all sitcoms. Well all of these unlikely pairs have been meeting, forming bonds, and saying goodbye for the past 7 seasons and NOW we’re apparently at the part where we have to watch them meet back up again. It kind of sounds like a kewl idea but idk about you, it just turns into a mess as a viewer because you have to remember how/when/where everyone met before. It’s like watching a livestream of a very tense high school reunion.

All that being said, some shit went DOWN tonight, so let’s go!

First of all, we get a new location on the map in the beginning, Eastwatch! If you’ll recall this is the place where Gingerbae (my fave wildling and #2 crush after Bae- Jon Snow) went to guard the wall at the behest of Bae a few eps ago.

Our first scene takes place right after last week’s epic dragon battle...

We learn that Jaime and Bronn are both still alive and we have to watch Jaime spit up seawater and I’m like who do you think you are, Euron Greyjoy?!? (lol that joke only works if you watched last season, sorry). Bronn is like dude, do you have a death wish? And Jaime is like kind of… cuz my sis Queen Pixie Cut (QPC) is a “shoot the messenger” type and now I have to tell her about all this dragon business.

Speaking of, we get some more hot-dragon-action (and I meant hot as in temp-wise, not sexual...yet...wait til Bae gets his fingers on a dragon). Tyrion is looking around at all the hell Khaleesi hath wrought and seems pretty sad about it. Remember he is a Lannister, so a lot of people who got burnt up were his home-bois.

He walks over to Khaleesi who has rounded up the surviving Lannisters and is looking FLY  AS HELL post-battle scene. Seriously, who does her hair? Probs a Dothraki cuz #goodatbraids. Khaleesi tells all the captured soldiers to kneel before her and declare loyalty to her or get killed. Sams mean dad (SMD) and Sam’s Bro Dickon (SBD) refuse to kneel because they’re #tooproudtobeg and Khaleesi is like, srsly guys? But they are truly #tooproud, so they both get burned up by the dragon, per Khaleesi’s orders. All of this is very not cool with Tyrion and he makes that pretty clear.

Next, we pop over to King’s Landing where Jaime is about to drop some #truth on QPC…

He tells her things are not looking so hot (or are they looking VERY HOT? Get it? Cuz dragons...sorry I’ll stop now) and that the Dothrakis (Khaleesi’s horse people) and dragons will kill them all. QPC suggests they hire mercenaries but Jaime is not feeling it. Then Jaime drops truth bomb #2 and tells QPC that he recently got the scoop that Grandma Tyrell admitted to killing their son Joffrey. See QPC was CONVINCED that Tyrion killed Joffrey which is what eventually led T to flock to #teamkhaleesi. Jaime is maybe able to convince her of this fact and that they might have to surrender to Khaleesi. She’s basically like well, damned if you do, damned if you don’t, ya know? The theme of this scene is TROUBLE IN PARADISE.

Now to the Bae-on-dragon action I promised…

Bae is waiting at the arrivals gate for Khaleesi and #1 dragon like a sad little chauffeur when Mr. Dragon lands right on his toes. Rather than giving Mr. Dragon a wide berth, he walks right up to him and TOUCHES HIS NOSE like he’s friggin’ Moana (Moana fans where you at?) Mr. D is like about to bite at first but then he’s like, naw, you’re cool. Probably because Bae is secretly a Targaryen and they’re all about dragons. Bae asks Khaleesi about her business trip and she’s like I TCOB’ed if that’s what you mean and says “sometimes strength is terrible” but that as leaders, they have to be strong.

Khaleesi then starts to ask Bae about the knife-in-the-heart comment that No-Knuckles (NK) made a few weeks ago and before Bae has to uncomfortably describe his weird Lazarus-situation to her, Stoney shows up, fresh off being cured of his stone disease by none other than Bae’s bestie Sam. The artist formerly known as Stoney (but let’s just keep calling him Stoney for now) is like will you still have me, Khaleesi? And she’s like DOI, OF COORS. And Bae is like oh I knew your dad he was a kewl dude he gave me this sword.

We get a brief interlude with everyone’s fave sooth-sayer, Brandon Stark! He hops into the eyeballs of some birds who fly North to get an update on the ice-zombie-army. As we all suspected, the ice zombies are CLOSER THAN EVER and headed to Eastwatch. This should not be a surprise because every time we check on them they’re just walking further South and unlike humans do not need to stop to eat or pee or get their hair intricately braided.

We pop into Oldtown, where Sam hears about Bran’s report. He tells all the other Maesters that they should listen to him but they, as always, are like naw this shit can’t be real. Also Maester-Jim-Broadbent is like BTW, Sam’s dad and bro just got burnt up but don’t say anything to him.

Back to Dragonstone…

Where  Tyrion and sleevey recap sam's dad and bro getting killed and agree that it was not cool, bro. Sleevey helpfully recalls a time when Khaleesi’s dad was always burning people alive. Sleevey reveals that Bae got a letter in the mail and yes, he did read it which is a FEDERAL OFFENSE, SLEEVEY! You can’t afford to go to prison!

Bae gets his hands on the letter from his bro Bran and learns A LOT. A. Bran is alive. B. Arya is alive. And C. The Night-King (leader of the ice zombies) is coming to Eastwatch. Again, this should be a surprise to no one. He talks things through with Khaleesi and co. to devise a plan and everyone has something to contribute, you guys! Here’s the plan

Tyrion will talk to his bro to try to convince him that ice zombies are real, who will then convince QPC.

NK will use his smugglin’ skills to smuggle T into King’s Landing (at this point it should really be Queen’s landing, right?)

Bae will head up north and capture an ice zombie to bring to everyone for proof. Stoney will use his battling skills to help with this.

Khaleesi is not about to let Bae go, though, probs cuz she wants more hot cave-action. But Bae is like sorry G2G!

Back in Winterfell and trouble is afoot!

Sansa is sitting at her in-charge-table and all the “Northern Lords” (although everyone’s fave 11-year-old-kween is nowhere to be seen) are still griping about Bae being down South with Khaleesi. Sansa doesn’t accept their offer to basically put her in charge, but she doesn’t defend Bae too much either. Arya, who was always besties with Bae when they were all kiddos, is not ok with that. She calls her out on it and notices that Sansa is staying in their mom and dad’s old room. She’s like ummm… you always liked nice things. Which is such a classic Winterfell-burn.

They chat and learn that they have very different views on uniting people and consolidating power. Arya is little more murder-y but Sansa is a little more scheme-y. Which better? IDK I haven’t read “The Art of War.” Basically, Arya knows that Sansa is still a bit power-hungry and calls her out on it. But I did read “Lean In” and I’m like, is that so bad?

Later, we pop back into King’s Landing where Arya is tailing Littlefinger cuz #shedontlikethelooksofthisguy, He’s being shady, as always, handing out poision, scheming with the Northern Lords, and then she sees the Maester give LF a piece of paper and she’s like oooohh I gotta get my hands on that. LF hides the paper in his room but, bitch, didn’t you know Arya is a trained assassin from the face-swapping-cult now?

She finds the paper which looks like this letter that Sansa wrote back in Season 1 when she was being forced by QPC. It’s basically her asking #teamStark to swear loyalty to Joffrey, all of which is irrelevant because most of Team Stark, along with Joffrey, is dead. Then we see LF behind the scenes looking all satisfied. Why you may ask? Well it seems like LF is trying to drive a wedge between the sisters by making Arya distrust Sansa even more. IDK I don’t condone violence but I really just want someone to stab LF.

Back to team Khaleesi, Tyrion and NK roll up on Queen’s Landing…

Tyrion reminds us all that the last time he was here, he killed his dad. NK is like well the last time I was here, you killed my son! You’d think there would be some sort of resolution with that but nope, NK was just throwing it out there! Tyrion heads off to see his bro and NK heads off on a secret mission that IS VERY CUTE, just wait and see.

Bronn sets up a meeting between Tyrion and Jaime, who haven’t seen each other since Jaime saved Tyrion from getting killed (per QPC and their dad’s orders). T proceeded to shoot their dad to death on the toilet, so Jaime is understandably a little peeved. Tyrion explains why he came and asks if Jaime could ask QPC if she might possibly be into checking out an ice zombie if they can get one. Jaime is still peeved but considers this helpful offer.

Meanwhile, we get a reunion of 2 of our faves, NK and Gendry!!!! So non-GoT-watchers, Gendry is this dude who is secretly the son of Robert Baratheon, QPC’s ex-hubby and the former king. Only a few ppl knew this, and to protect him from QPC, he got sent North to the wall with Arya. He and Arya developed a cute lil’ friendship and then he met up with some Lord-of-Light (LOL) worshippers, the same ones who the Hound (remember from ep 1 of this season) is now traveling with. Then the red witch lady came and took him to Stannis to have leeches eat his blood but before the red witch could kill him, NK set him free and sent him on a rowboat back to King’s Landing. So here we are…

They reunite and it’s adorbs, since Gendry is like thanks for saving my life, you were right I ended up being safe here. And NK is like oh good, so I have a favor to ask, will you come with us? It’s for- and before he can finish Gendry is like NP my bags are packed let’s go. And NK is like do you want more info...or… and Gendry is like nope this place is the pits, let’s go, lemme get my hammer. And I AM FEELING THIS HAMMER y’all, Gendry is basically Thor of GoT now. And he shall henceforth be known as New-Thor.

NK and New-Thor head to the boat to leave Queen’s Landing and encounter some guards who aren’t gonna let them off that easy. Just when they bribe their way out of there, Tyrion shows up and the guards are like...you look familiar? So New-Thor kindly uses his hammer and demolishes those dudes, leaving T and NK both stunned and impressed.

While we’re still at Queen’s Landing, we see Jaime knocking on QPC’s door, but she’s busy with Maester Qyburn, having some deep discussion. We also learn Qyburn is the hand-of-the-queen (did we know this before? It was news to me). Jaime is like what we’re y’all talking about, and QPC is like I’m sorry, HIPAA, I can’t tell you. Then she tells him that she knows he met with Tyrion and that he should punish Bronn for setting that up. She also hints that she’s willing to do a collab with Khaleesi but then she’s like “we will defeat whatever stands in our way” which doesn’t sound very collab-y to me.

Then, in a major reversal, SHE DROPS A TRUTH BOMB ON HIM and tells him she’s PREGNANT and the baby is HIS. He is shook but also very happy because he loves her a lot. He’s like who you gonna say knocked you up? And she’s like it’s 2017, bitch, I’ll say it was my twin bro cuz #hatersgonnahate. Do we believe she is really preggo? I do not. Classic desperation move when you see your man starting to slip away. But nonetheless he is happy about it so there’s that.

Next, we head back to Dragonstone...

Where Bae meets New-Thor in Bae’s fave place, a cave! They reminisce about how their dads were friends and New-Thor calls out Bae on being a little shorty-pie. We think Bae is gonna be like “ah hell naw” but instead he’s like LOL you’re right bro. New-Thor offers to head North with Bae to kill some ice-zombies with his hammer. NK is a little peeved because he told New-Thor not to tell anyone who his dad was and not to get himself into trouble. NK’s like well don’t mind me, I only lived to be an old man so what do I know about surviving? It’s a very cute scene and it all plays out like a dad playfully chastising his sons for picking a college that’s too far away.

On the shore we get some goodbyes. Tyrion and Khaleesi both say goodbye to Stoney and Khaleesi is especially sappy about it. Then she says goodbye to Bae, who is busy loading up his boats with zombie-killing-rocks from the caves. She’s like, so…I’ll call you next week? And Bae’s like umm….maybe? But you know they’re both fighting the urge to pop into a cave for a quick makeout sesh.

Next, we see Sam and Gilly in Oldtown reading books…

Gilly happens upon the MOST IMPORTANT INFO EVER in a book, which Sam, in a very-un-Sam-like way, completely ignores. It’s infuriating. Basically she finds out that Bae’s real parents, Rhaegar Targaryen (Khaleesi’s bro) and Lyanna Stark (Daddy Stark’s sis) were legit married when she had Bae, which means he is the ONE-TRUE-HEIR to the iron throne or whatevs. Sam, however, is too peeved about the Maesters not listening to him (or Bran for that matter) and gathers up some of the best books in the library (and he is in for the late fee OF A CENTURY cuz you know he won’t return ‘em) and heads out of there.  It’s a frustrating scene. I just..can’t...

Finally, we make it to Eastwatch...

Where we get to check in with Gingerbae my #2 boo. Bae tells him the plan to trap the ice zombie and bring it back as proof and Gingerbae is like you are cuckoo. NK is there to confirm that yes, Bae is cuckoo, and no, he’s not going North with them. But on the docket we do have New-Thor with his hammer and Stoney with his un-stoned-hands and arms to help! Gingerbae is like well I know some other dudes who want to get up there...cut to…

The Hound and his LOL-ers Eyepatch and Gingerbun (am I the only one who finds Gingerbun kind of attractive?) are in Eastwatch-prison, doing a very poor version of Cellblock Tango from Chicago, the musical. This is the scene where the whole-don’t-I-know-you-from-somewhere gets really messy. No need to dive into all of it, the point is, these people have HISTORY with eachother. But Bae reminds them that since they’re all humans and not zombies, they’re on the same side. So they head out into the deep, cold, winter to trap and ice zombie. And we’re left there.

Let’s recap:

Biggest surprise this ep: QPC IS PREGNANT?!?!?!

Biggest letdown: Seriously Sam. You could not listen to the most important news ever because you were distracted?

Important fashion moments: Khaleesi lookin’ so fly fresh out of battle, Sansa is really rocking those fitted armor gowns

Who died this ep? Sam’s Bro Dickon (RIP) and Sam’s Mean Dad 

Thanks for reading! Tell your friends and subscribe!? 

[brazen-kenobi]

destiel/cockles fic rec

Nine Times We Met (And One Christmas We Parted) by almaasi 

Summary:  On the last day of school before Christmas vacation, Mr. Castiel Quinn discovers that one of his young students has smuggled male pornography into the classroom. Upon being told that the photos belong to the boy's uncle, Castiel vows to himself that he will keep the other man's preferences a secret. It's 1947; a man experiencing attraction to another man or fantasising about his sexual touch are transgressive faults, which could potentially result in imprisonment - or worse. But then the uncle walks in. The photos are of him: Dean Winchester, a rogue with an empty pocket and a child to feed. Castiel doesn't know it yet, but his life is never going to be the same again. Years pass between chance meetings, but even though they live their lives apart, Dean and Castiel's story is proof that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.

The Mirror by Cloudyjenn

Summary:  When Dean touches a strange mirror, he's whisked away to one alternate reality after another and it doesn't take him long to realize the universe is trying to tell him something.

The Request by Cloudyjenn

Summary: When Sam Winchester prays for his brother, Castiel is finally sent on his very first assignment. But what should be a simple love match turns into much more and Castiel finds himself risking everything to ensure the happiness of his extremely frustrating charge.

(Dis)Affection by justkeeponwriting

Summary:  When Dean and Castiel are tricked to go on a date, neither is happy about this. To get back at their deceitful friends, they hatch the perfect plan: pretend to be dating, and gross out their friends with their over-the-top, disgustingly cute romantic relationship – and then break up in the most despicable manner imaginable. As it turns out, you can learn a lot from someone just by pretending affection.

On The Other Side by crowleyhasfeels and QuillsAndInk

Summary:  While deployed in Afghanistan, Dean Winchester writes letters to a girl who he's certain isn't listening. By chance, they are found by Professor Castiel Novak who takes the time to reply. Thus begins an unlikely friendship between two lonely souls who have nothing to lose and everything to give.

A Beast’s Perspective by Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me

Summary:  Dean has told Benny a lot of things. The two had come to be close. They didn't lie to each other ... well except for once.

Our Life Through Your Eyes by destihellion

Summary:  They’re 4 years old when Dean tells his mother he’s going to marry Castiel. (My notes - this is cruel and very fluffy and I cried a lot)

In The Almost by Sir_Kingsley

Summary: Nine years ago, Dean Winchester ran away from the love of his life. Now he's back in the States for his little brother's wedding and has to face Cas for the first time since he left. He's expecting awkwardness or anger from Cas, not to be sucked right back into the effortless friendship they'd built nearly a decade ago. Dean can't help but start to see the opportunity for a second chance with Cas, to give Cas everything that he deserves. But that was the problem, wasn't it? Cas deserved the world and all Dean had to offer was a bad heart.

Borderlines by domesticadventures

Summary:  When they were gone, Cas hadn’t known where else to go. Now that they’re back, he isn’t sure he’s allowed to follow them inside. (contains spoilers for 12.09)

Cooking With Gas by Winjennster

Summary:  Castiel Novak has it all. He's rich, famous, has a top rated cooking show and restaurant, drives an expensive car and wears Armani. His producer throws a contest to spend a day with Chef Novak, cooking and learning techniques. Castiel wants no part of it, but Balthazar insists and Castiel will do as expected. What Castiel wasn't expecting was to fall head over heels for the winner. Dean Winchester hasn't had a successful relationship in his 34 years on Earth. He's got a past he'd like to keep hidden, and his life rotates around his family and his business. Winning a contest to spend a day with his favorite TV chef is a shock, but a welcome diversion from his day to day life...until he meets the guy, and he turns out to be a big jerk. Dean figures he should have expected that. What he wasn't expecting was that same gorgeous blue-eyed man to sweep in and shake up his entire world.

Get Some by sysrae

Summary:  Very slowly, Dean turns. 'How'd you know I was here about a room?' 'Power of deduction,' says Castiel, leaning against the doorway. 'I mean, you're not after pot, and I'm pretty sure we haven't slept together.' He grins wolfishly, gaze sliding over Dean's body. 'You, I'd remember.' Dean's been hit on by guys before, but never so blatantly, let alone by a semi-naked dude in a kimono. A hot blush warms his cheeks, and he covers his shock with cockiness, tilting his head and grinning. 'Sorry to disappoint you, Cas, but I don't swing that way.' Castiel throws back his head and laughs. 'And you want to live here? What, did your friends put you up to this?' 'Actually, yeah.' Dean raises an eyebrow. 'Is that a problem for you?'

Our Sweet Rapture by Chiyume

Summary:  After a hunt gone wrong leaves Sam transfigured and Castiel drained of his grace, Dean is not only left to tend to them both, but for some reason also finds himself having involuntarily and graphically inappropriate thoughts about the angel in question. Now, if only Cas could stop getting so close to him all the time, maybe he could figure out what the hell was going on? (my notes - this is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. I love it when you can feel the characters emotions.)

Confiteor by orange_crushed

Summary: "I have a job," he says, carefully, like Dean is not intimately fucking aware of that situation. Like Dean hasn't been googling grim statistics on gas station robberies and watching clips from Clerks on YouTube for the last few weeks like a sad dumb jerk. "Yeah," Dean says. "I know." He's mangled the check in his hand; he puts it on the table and irons out the wrinkles with his palm. "I got it."

Too Long by dshep33

12x23 coda. Don’t read if you didn’t watch it, unless you want major spoilers.

Night Exhibition by almaasi

Welcome to the world's most generic museum. In the café, you'll find Dean, putting dinosaur cut-outs on his award-winning apple pies. In the gift shop, you'll find his snarky yet devastatingly handsome friend Castiel, folding t-shirts for a living. But Castiel has a second job as a night watchman, patrolling the marble halls and protecting the museum exhibits after dark. One night, Dean asks to tag along. He could never resist a crisp blue uniform, and he'll take any opportunity to have his friend show it off. It might take all night, one dance, and a playful sex act (or five) in a few unusual places around the museum before either of them realise... maybe Dean's interest was never about the uniform. And maybe their friendship was already something else.

Satin and Sawdust by Ltleflrt

When Castiel moves out of Jimmy's house and into his own place for the first time, he saves money on buying a home by investing in a Fixer-Upper. He knows nothing about how to fix the many problems the house has, but he figures he's smart enough to figure it out. Unfortunately it's not too long before he learns that he's way in over his head.

Thankfully his new neighbor Dean is a handyman, and agrees to help him out. He knows Dean has a bit of a crush on him, but he's not taking advantage of it, really. Dean's a great guy, and quickly becomes a good friend.

But a flash of satin under Dean's toolbelt changes everything.

Best Years of Our Lives, My Ass by ireallyhatecornnuts 

AU after Season 8, episode 6, "Southern Comfort." Dean goes to sleep in a motel room in Texarkana, and he wakes up 17 years old, in his childhood bedroom in Lawrence, Kansas, 1996. He has no idea how he got there, why his parents are still alive, why his brother is an adorable freshman with no memory of his adult life, and why the only ally he has in this place is the angel he left behind in Purgatory – somehow also 17 years old. They have to get out, that's the important thing. Only, falling in love with his angel wasn't a part of the plan....

The Exception to Every Rule by MittenWraith

When Sam was accepted to Stanford, he finally convinced Dean to move to Los Angeles to pursue his acting dreams after sacrificing for four years to support Sam throughout high school. Dean never imagined landing the starring role in a Hollywood blockbuster film franchise, but in just two years he’d gone from obscurity on the Lawrence Community Theater stage to become one of the fastest rising stars in the country. He's adapting pretty well to this new life in the spotlight-- until one unhealthily obsessed fan prompts Dean’s agent to hire a specialist from Seraphim Security to watch over him.

Enter Castiel, one of Seraphim’s newest “Angels,” and the only one available to take on Dean’s case a week before Christmas. With Dean’s life on the line, Castiel does his best to maintain a professional distance, but with every passing day they’re both finding themselves making more and more exceptions to their rules.

a turn of the earth by mishcollin 

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

Method Acting (Or ‘In Which Misha Is Not, In Fact, Kidding Jensen’) by HigherMagic

There's a little surprise in the script for the latest episode, Misha is unruffled, and Jensen is not amused, but he's determined to put on the best damn performance he can, 'cause it's the last season and, hey, he owes it to Dean.

Heartland by Kalliel

To love the Winchesters means probably, today, to leave them.

Because I'm surely not the only one who heard Sam say This is everything Cas dug up in Gaza, every last bit of prebiblical lore and wondered how Castiel got there, and how long he plans to stay. Tag to 11x07 “Plush”; implied spoilers for 11x08 and 11x09.

Her Favorite Love Story by destieldrabblesdaily

The story of Dean and Castiel as seen through Mary Winchester's eyes; AKA how she witnesses her oldest son fall in love with his best friend.

Shakes-Queer: A Comedy by ozonecologne (also on tumblr as @ozonecologne)

"I’ve never talked to you before but the teacher just used us as an example for a scenario where we are married" AU.

(Conveniently, a comedy usually ends in marriage.)

Breathe Lighty by nhixxie

"To my first love, and my last, Dean Winchester. These are the things I want to tell you: the human body is 60% water. The number of neurons in one person is the rough equivalent of the number of stars in a small galaxy. There is 0.2 milligrams of gold in your blood. The heart is an elaborate engine. I love you."

(Thanks to @kinvgslayer for suggesting this to me. She just really wanted me to cry. And I did.)

[thejoeydavis]

Movies of 2016

(I’m posting this late but for archival purposes I’m putting it here)

Every January I do a list of all the movies I watched over the past year in chronological order and this,, as you can tell,, is that list. Each movie is rated out of 10 and rounded to the nearest whole number for simplicity and because I use the letterboxd app to log all my movies and it uses a 5 star system. These number ratings are meant to be as objective as possible, which means they’re judged on commonly agreed upon film conventions and what most critics and kinophiles would consider to be “good film,” as pretentious as that sounds. Really it just means I went with my gut feeling and then considered technical aspects and effectiveness on all of these. Paired with each are some thoughts to talk about what I liked or disliked, how it made me feel, etc. I’ll try to keep it short on as many as I can since there are so many. tl;dr: top 10 is at the bottom

Anomalisa – 7 – a predictably depressing Charlie Kaufman film about loneliness and being human—somewhat ironic considering it’s a stop motion film. Don’t let the puppets with 3d printed faces fool you; this is a very human movie with one of the most realistic sex scenes ever captured on film. Probably don’t see this with your mom like I did.

Inside Llewyn Davis – 8 – one of my favorite movies of the past few years and one of my top Coen bros movies. The charismatic but dickish performance by Oscar Isaac and beautiful folk soundtrack depicts a hard life for a musician in early 1960s New York that will make you feel better about yourself (unless you’re a musician).

 Me, and Earl, and the Dying Girl – 8 – also one of my favorite movies of the past few years, this love letter to classic film by Alfonso Gomez-Rejon is a beautiful story of a popular kid in high school who befriends a girl with terminal cancer. Essentially Perks of Being a Wallflower meets criterion collection.

Project X – 7 – one of my guilty pleasure movies. Lots of fun.

 The Hateful Eight (70mm) – 6 – I got to see this in 70mm complete with preshow overture and intermission and it was an incredible experience. I loved the movie but it’s not Tarantino’s best by any stretch. Note the huge disparity in rating from last year when I gave it a 9.2. This film is not a 9.2.

 The Forest – 3 – in this movie Natalie Dormer goes to the Japanese suicide forest to search for her sister who went missing. Suicide is a very apt theme here considering how heavily I considered ending my life during this movie. Truly awful.

 Carol – 6 – one of those movies that I know is good but I just didn’t enjoy. It’s about Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett as they try to hide their forbidden romantic relationship in 1950s New York. Long, slow, but very pretty and touching, I’d recommend it if you like character driven stories—especially ones about LGBT issues because it’s very good in that regard.

 Hail, Caesar – 7 – underrated mystery film by the Coen’s about old Hollywood and communists. More along the lines of the Big Lebowski than No Country For Old Men. Just a really fun movie with a great sense of world building that makes 1930s Hollywood really come alive.

 Deadpool – 7 – pretty funny and exactly the kind of movie Ryan Reynolds and fans wanted. Probably the only good Marvel movie made by Fox.

 The Witch – 8 – a visceral and disturbing film about a cursed life in 1600s New England, The Witch (stylized as The VVitch) is one of the best horror movies I’ve ever seen. Be warned though, it’s the definition of slow burn horror so you’ll probably dislike it if you’re used to modern horror films.

 10 Cloverfield Lane – 7 – one of the big surprises of the year and also one of the most thrilling, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and John Goodman both give excellent performances. It’s basically a bottle episode completely unrelated to the first film. People have criticized Winstead’s character for her actions at the end but it completes her character arc perfectly so it definitely works.

 Room – 8 – beautiful film. Somewhat overrated.

 Brooklyn – 8 – one of my favorites from 2015 and immensely enjoyable from start to finish. This story of an Irish girl moving to Brooklyn shows that the conflict doesn’t have to be high stakes for it to be compelling.

 Batman v Superman – 4 – wow surprise surprise, Zack Snyder made another shit movie. Awful film full of clichés and nonsensical dialogue, bizarre editing, and the incredibly moronic decision to try and kickstart an entire cinematic universe in a dreadfully painful 2+ hour runtime. This movie sucks and DC needs to either hire some competent scriptwriters and directors or just give up already.

 Zootopia – 7 – ah the quintessential furry movie 2016. I really enjoyed this and it has great rewatch value. One of the most beautifully animated movies of the year.

 Midnight Special – 6 – I had no expectations for this movie and I was pleasantly surprised by it, although somewhat let down by the ending. It’s an interesting story about a kid with unknown supernatural powers being smuggled to a specific coordinates where he says something will happen. The mystery unfolds throughout the run time and there are some pretty cool scenes. Fun sci-fi to rent maybe.

 Midnight in Paris – 7 – 1920s Paris is arguably one of the best eras to be alive in and Woody Allen captures the magic of the period well. As with most modern Woody Allen films it’s pretty cheesy—especially the modern day scenes—but the scenes that take place in the 1920s with F Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, and Picasso are truly a delight. One of my favorite movies from 2011.

 Captain America Civil War – 7 – not bad but much worse than Winter Soldier. It was enjoyable at least and miles ahead of Avengers 2.

 Green Room – 8 – a disturbing, white-knuckle rollercoaster of a film that follows a punk band as they fight off a bar full of alt-righ—I mean neo-nazis. An absolute must-see.

 The Nice Guys – 7 – fun from start to finish, Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe give two funny and over the top performances in this 1970s period film about two detectives who get caught up in a case that’s way over their heads. Definite recommendation. Crowe’s performance in the first third/half or so is very melodramatic and over the top cool-guy but I believe it was intended to be tongue in cheek so don’t let it throw you.

 The Jungle Book – 6 – not bad.

 Raiders of the Lost Ark – 9 – a near perfect movie and one of, if not the best action movie of all time.

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 Make Happy – 8 – Bo Burnham tweeted about a special premiere screening of his new special back in March so I bought tickets and went with Andrew to see it. We went to the Largo in West Hollywood and were treated to a short comedy show and the grand premiere of Make Happy, Bo’s last one-man show for the foreseeable future. It was an incredible experience.

 The World of Tomorrow – 8 – it’s only 16 minutes and it’s by Don Herzfeldt—what’s not to love? Get ready for an existential crisis.

 The Conjuring 2 – 7 – pretty spooky in some parts with a cool little i spy game you can play with the name of the ghost demon lady. Not as good as the first.

 Finding Dory – 7 – older Pixar films have a certain level of charm that all their films post-Toy Story 3 (barring Monsters University) don’t seem to have and this is no exception. It was very enjoyable but it just felt like it doesn’t have the magic that the old ones have.

 The Shallows – 4 – the amount of praise this movie received was deadass baffling. This is one of the worst movies I’ve seen this year and I don’t see how so many people missed the cliché dialogue and plot, ridiculous shark cgi, exploitative ass shots, and absolutely insane and unrealistic attempts to kill the shark. Critics and audiences comparing this to Jaws is an insult to not only Spielberg, but also the art of filmmaking itself.

 Frances Ha – 9 – one of my favorite movies of all time, this black and white indie film by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig is a cozy tale of solipsistic loneliness, friendship, and following your dreams. It’s depressing, but in a very relatable and reassuring way. Greta Gerwig as the New York dancer Frances is so believable that seeing her in other roles feels almost disingenuous. Honestly if you watch anything on this list you should watch this first, foremost and as soon as possible. It’s on netflix!

 Mistress America – 7 – another one by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig and it was actually my introduction to their work. I loved this movie when I first saw it but it pales in comparison to Frances. Still a great movie with wonderful acting and snappy as hell dialogue. Fun fact: Noah Baumbach worked with Wes Anderson in the past and it shows here, especially in the dialogue.

 The Neon Demon – 8 – one of the most polarizing films of the year but a definite return to form by the near infamous Nicolas Winding Refn. The success of the 2011 masterpiece Drive was not good for Refn’s ego apparently as he followed it up with the nauseatingly self-indulgent Only God Forgives. Thank goodness he was able to find a balance between pure art film and accessible indie film with the Neon Demon. It’s by no means very accessible but the acting, especially from the main girls and a sleazy Keanu Reeves, is great and the visuals are incredibly surreal and v e r y v e r y n e o n . Recommend if you like artsy films with lots of sex and blood.

 Back to the Future – 10 – a textbook example of what a perfect movie looks like.

 It Follows – 8 – nothing but love for this creepy and atmospheric 2015 horror/suspense film about the end of childhood and the impending dread of adulthood. Really it’s about a supernatural shape shifting thing with its “rule” being that acts like an std being passed down through sexual partners. If the thing catches you, it then goes after the previous person in the chain and so on, so the only way to save yourself is to pass it on or run endlessly in futility. Please do see this it’s great.

 The Secret Life of Pets – 6 – a disappointment but Louis CK as a dog was fun to see.

 Hush – 5 – not very good Netflix horror movie about a guy terrorizing a deaf lady at her home in the woods for some reason.

 Snatch – 6 – I suppose if I were more familiar with Guy Ritchie’s work I would’ve enjoyed it more but it looks like it was shot by a Tarantino wannabe edgelord and edited in windows moviemaker. Still entertaining though.

 Horace and Pete – 10 – Horace and Pete is a dramedy web series multi-camera sitcom written, directed, and produced by Louis CK and it’s the single best serial program I’ve ever seen. This is a true masterpiece in every sense and the writing and acting is some of the best in a serial program. It was so good that I actually could not enjoy anything else for days after because everything paled in comparison. For example, I watched Stranger Things the day after I finished this and I had to stop watching three episodes in because it was completely and utterly awful compared to Horace and Pete. The quality of writing is unbelievable and I laughed and cried at many many points. Louis CK, Steve Buscemi, Edie Falco, and Alan Alda, bring career defining performances to the small screen and I cannot wait to watch it again—although I’m not sure I’m prepared for it.

 Breathless (1960) – 7 – one of the most defining films of the French New Wave, this film by Jean Luc-Godard is a love story shot in some of the most unconventional ways I’ve seen in a film. It’s not surreal or weird but it certainly is interesting. Worth a watch if you like the cinematography of Wes Anderson, Woody Allen, or Louis CK—although it’s a much more saturated French New Wave style since all those styles are derivative of this. Has some of the most intriguing and innovative tracking/dolly shots I’ve ever seen. In fact, at one point two characters are walking down the street but they couldn’t afford a dolly for the tracking shot, so they had the cameraman sit in a wheelchair and film while someone pulled him backwards to make the shot. Really that’s what French New Wave is all about: innovating and using filmmaking techniques that were unprecedented at the time.

 Star Trek Beyond – 6 – a really fun return to the franchise that actually felt somewhat like a Star Trek film—unlike that last one. It’s still just an action movie franchise now but it’s just a real good time.

 Lights Out – 3 – again, the praise this film received was COMPLETELY unwarranted and totally baffling. This movie blows and is so saturated with clichés that I can’t imagine liking this film. don’t waste ur time.

 Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates – 5 – actually hilarious movie. Really dumb but so goddamn funny. Zach Efron and Adam Devine are a great duo. Has arguably the best exchange about fisting in the history of film.

 Café Society – 6 – a pretty good modern Woody Allen film. Much better than his last two, Irrational Man and Magic in the Moonlight. It’s nice to see a film from Woody Allen that isn’t about a much older man falling in love with a much younger woman.

 Suicide Squad – 2 – “roses are red/there is no god/my favorite movie?/suicide squad.” – Gideon Ondap deadass one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I wrote a 10 page essay on this after it came out but basically the editing is jarring enough to induce brain trauma, the acting is atrocious, and the script is objectively bad. A complete and utter failure of a film. The name is a warning.

 The Room – 1 – another one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen yet 1000x more enjoyable than Suicide Squad. Tommy Wisseau is a genius and this is his magnum opus. Required viewing. Also I must say that a Suicide Squad/The Room double feature makes for one of the funniest nights of life.

 Scott Pilgrim vs The World – 8 – honestly one of my favorite movies. A super well done adaptation directed by Edgar Wright, this film is able to stand independently next to the already spectacular Scott Pilgrim graphic novel series. The music is incredible. It never gets old.

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 Sausage Party – 5 – obscene, racist, vulgar, and dumb as hell with a giant food orgy at one point. Still laughed at much of it.

 Captain Fantastic – 8 – a dad raising his kids to survive in the wilderness of Washington must bring them into society to attend their dead mother’s funeral. A big surprise and one of the most enjoyable movies I saw this year.

 Don’t Think Twice – 8 – Mike Birbiglia has always been one of my favorite comedians because his stories were so heartwarming, wholesome, and packed to the brim with jokes that would reward you on multiple viewings or listens. Don’t Think Twice is Mike’s second movie I believe, and it’s about an improv group in Brooklyn having fun doing their craft while trying to make a life for themselves. When you’re a comedian/improviser,, your friends are too, but if one of you actually gets a big break then it’s that person’s break and no one else’s. It causes a lot of tension between performers because even though they’re all friends, they’re still actively competing in a highly sought after profession. Judd Apatow came out after he saw the movie and said how accurately it depicts the life of comedy performers. It’s a really depressing (in a relatable way) and realistic take on the competitive world of improv and deals with friendship, comedy, and how cruel life can really be. Beautiful movie.

 American Beauty – 8 – really did not like this the first time but warmed up to it on the second viewing and it really shines despite many dated aspects.

 Antz – 6 – woody allen as a ant oy vey

 Back to the Future II – 5 – pretty bad sequel until he goes back to 1955. Worse than the third tbh

 Everybody Wants Some!! – 7 – even after the abortion that was Boyhood I didn’t give up on Richard Linklater and I’m glad I didn’t. This spiritual sequel to Dazed and Confused (but in the 80s this time!) was a ton of fun.

 Clapping for the Wrong Reasons – 8 – this short film written by Donald Glover and directed by Hiro Murai is about a surreal day in the life of The Boy, a character Donald Glover created as the speaker of his Because the Internet album (his magnum opus imo). Hot take: Chance v Bino push up contest contender for best film scene ever.

 Kubo and the Two Strings – 7 – the most beautiful disappointment of the year. The incredible stop motion animation is unfortunately much more enjoyable than the underwhelming story. Not as good as Coraline.

 Hell or High Water – 8 – the director of photography from Sicario returns for this modern western about two brothers who rob the banks that screwed over their mother. Great performances from Jeff Bridges, Ben Foster, and Chris Pine.

 Don’t Breathe – 7 – this horror film about three thieves who break into an old blind man’s house borders on exploitation film towards the end. Not that bad.

 Blair Witch – 6 – not as bad as everyone said it was. It’s a soft reboot of 99’s Blair Witch Project but with a modern horror twist—which means it relies mainly on jump scares and unnecessary use of found footage tropes rather than atmosphere building and genuine terror. I still thoroughly enjoyed it and thought the last 15 minutes or so were really spooky. The creature design was really great and the way time moved was an interesting horror device. If you liked the first one but were bored by it then you’ll probably like this one because it moves a bit faster although you might be bored by it too. Oh but side note: that drone scene was fucking stupid.

 Over The Garden Wall – 10 – this 10 episode cartoon network animated miniseries aired in the fall of 2014 and follows two boys as they wander through the woods to find their way back home. It stars Elijah Wood, Christopher Lloyd, Melanie Lynskey, John Cleese, Tom Lennon, and Tim Curry among others. The story itself is inspired by Dante Alighieri’s Inferno and the music is inspired by early 20th century Americana folk music. It’s literally the single most charming thing I’ve ever seen and it’s an absolute MUST SEE.

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 Doctor Strange – 7 – not much to say about this one but I liked it. The visuals were top notch and although Dr Strange is basically just Tony Stark pt 2, it makes sense considering how much lesser of a role Stark will play in later movies. I’m really excited for the new Thor movie now.

 The Purge Election Year – 4 – each Purge movie is better than the last and this third installment is still a 4. That’s pretty much all there is to say. There are some legitimately hilarious parts in this though—all unintentional.

 O Brother, Where Art Thou? – 7 – another silly Coen film and one of their most accessible. Good film based on the Odyssey.

 Arrival – 9 – Dennis Villeneuve is quickly becoming one of my favorite directors after last year’s Sicario and now 2016’s Arrival. This is a film about humanity, the complete frivolity of our problems, and how staying divided will be our undoing. The cinematography is breathtaking, the score is great (much of it follows the circle of 5ths, which will make sense after watching), the acting is good, and the film just has a beautiful sense of scope to it. I encourage you to watch this and DON’T WATCH ANY TRAILERS OR READ ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I assure you; you’ll want to go into this as blind as possible (and you should never watch trailers anyway they literally ruin films).  In Trump’s America this movie is even more important so please I urge you to watch this.

 Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – 5 – the Phantom Menace of the Harry Potter universe, Fantastic Beasts has so much exposition and forced world building that anyone who hasn’t seen the first 8 hp films will probably have a tough time figuring out what’s going on. The opening sequence is literally just a montage of newspaper headlines saying how terrible this dark wizard is, which was done in harry potter but over the span of roughly 3 movies rather than 1 minute. Overall positives: the creature designs were fun, Jacob was rad, the humor was effective, the cgi wasn’t /that/ bad, newt’s hair was wavy af (and he was a hufflepuff, which I appreciate), and the costumes may get an Oscar nomination. As for the cons: so much panning, craning, and tracking that I could barely see what was going on due to low framerate, the first 10-15 minutes are a suicide squad level editing disaster, the pacing was weird at times, they revealed who the main antagonist was in his actual first scene, too many plotlines interweaved, inexcusably bad framing in a few shots, and the ending was a little bit Chekhov’s gun but was pretty much deus ex machina. This just didn’t feel as magical as the harry potter films and, like star wars 7, it feels like a failed attempt to recapture what made people love the franchise in the first place. It was a very flawed film but I still enjoyed it and will watch it again.

 Moana – 6 – VERY overrated but still good. How a lot of people felt about Frozen is how I feel about this movie. The animation was incredible, the voice acting was great, the songs were good (although not nearly as catchy or memorable as Frozen, save for Shiny) and it ends up being another Tangled, a movie I enjoyed but will forget about very soon—hell I’ve already forgotten about it. Just think about how long Frozen was a thing. People were talking about Frozen for months after and I haven’t seen anyone mention Moana since its opening weekend. Overall a huge disappointment. Zootopia was the far superior animated feature this year.

 The Handmaiden – 8 – my first Park Chan-wook film and I loved it ! This film is fucking enigma for the first half and then as soon as one detail is revealed it suddenly opens up and becomes an incredible psychological thriller. I honestly was not enjoying this film for the first act or so because of how seemingly meaningless it was but it really shaped up to be one of my favorites of the year. Never before have I experienced a film that made me 180 on opinion during the course of its runtime. Be warned: don’t see this with your parents or anyone you would feel awkward watching porn with because this shit is basically pornography at MANY points during the film. I don’t know if my friend and his brother have forgiven me yet.

 Unedited Footage of a Bear – 8 – there’s a tl;dr at the bottom of this one because it’s a little long and expository. I was watching an idubbbz video (https://youtu.be/5Bs45yITIt0) back in November and many criticized how unfunny and bizarre it was compared to his other content. People started to speculate that he was doing a metafictional series about his channel along the lines of alantutorial (https://www.youtube.com/user/alantutorial), a channel in which performance artist Alan Resnick plays a fictionalized version of himself who is depicted as a mentally ill young man obsessed with making tutorial videos. This alantutorial series is a commentary on poorly made tutorial videos that flood youtube, as well as social media in general and the overwhelming desire for likes, favorites, going viral, etc. after discovering Alan Resnick and watching all his videos I started to seek out his other content and I found this short film that aired as part of Adult Swim’s infomercial slot at 4 a.m. This may sound familiar to some as the timeslot for Too Many Cooks, which went viral. This short film, titled Unedited Footage of a Bear, can be watched here: https://youtu.be/2gMjJNGg9Z8 and parodies those commercials you’ll often see on tv about drugs that are peddled to mentally ill people without proper testing. This film depicts addiction as a force that can and will ruin your life, your family’s life, and will kill you if left unchecked. There’s an explanation you can watch here: https://youtu.be/_2e5ia9j0TA that explains it really well and is worth the watch. tl;dr: cool 10-minute short horror film about addiction by performance artist Alan Resnick – check it out.

Twin Peaks (Pilot) – 8 – it was good

 This House Has People In It – 8 – hey look another Alan Resnick short film. you can watch it here: https://youtu.be/x-pj8OtyO2I and the attempted explanation is here: https://youtu.be/mjBTAnCUbZc because this one is pretty complicated compared to footage of a bear. also worth the watch simply for the L O R E

 No Country For Old Men – 10 – one of the best movies of this century hands down. not sure if I rate it quite as high as There Will Be Blood though, which came out the same year. The Coen’s crowning achievement (although you could argue that title belongs to The Big Lebowski for reasons)

 Moonlight – 9 – a very heavy coming of age film about a young boy living in the south who attempts to find himself while growing up in an incredibly unforgiving environment. beautiful film and I’m excited to see it again. very very important film for LGBT issues.

 Nocturnal Animals – 8 – one of the biggest surprises this year. I LOVED this movie and it stayed with me for days. as soon as it started I made a mental note that I’d have to really pay attention to everything because I figured it would be heavy with metaphor and symbolism and boi was I right about that. Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhaal give great performances and I honestly can’t tell you the last time I got so emotionally invested in a film. people have criticized Adams’ performance as melodramatic and cold, which is the point because she’s not supposed to be likeable. the narrative structure is refreshing and fun to piece together and the visuals were pretty alright. my favorite part of this movie was piecing together all the metaphors (of which there are many) and figuring out what the events of the Nocturnal Animals manuscript (in the film) means for the characters. It’s been a very polarizing film apparently, which surprised me since it doesn’t really try to be anything more than it is. It definitely rewards close observation but I can’t guarantee everyone will like this one. I won’t say more because going into it blind is the best way but I do recommend it. Tense, emotional, gripping, funny. It’s good.

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 Star Wars Rogue One – 8 – I really enjoyed this. I probably don’t need to say much because it’s star wars but this was the best star wars film since Empire Strikes Back in my opinion (although episode III wasn’t that bad). the characters were a little flat, some of the humor was out of place, and the first 30 minutes had bad pacing, but overall it was great. the action in this one was insane and I’m so happy that we finally got to see a proper space battle (and holy shit is it a good one). this has one of my favorite moments of the entire series and it actually feels like a star wars movie unlike episode VII.

 La La Land – 10 – I’m at a loss for words honestly. This movie is so fucking good. The soundtrack is incredible, the choreography is awesome, the cinematography is BEAUTIFUL, and the performances are wonderful. I could keep thinking of adjectives or I could just tell you to go see this movie as soon as you can. Best movie of the year hands down. LA has never looked so fucking good OH MAN please go see this movie you’ll surely regret it if you don’t. OH and we went to see this in the Vista Theater in LA, which was a once in a lifetime experience. See this in the most old-Hollywood theater you can because it actually improves it if that’s possible. Now there are some flaws, mainly in third act pacing, but it’s so enjoyable that it doesn’t matter.

 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – 10 – it’s a classic and could be considered a perfect film. not much to say but it’s definitely one of my favorites of all time. never gets old.

 Home Alone – 8 – this was the first time I watched Home Alone and I liked it.

 Assassin’s Creed – 6 – the neckbeard-y guy doing anime runs up and down the stairs of the theatre behind us really set the tone for this movie. I didn’t hate it but it was pretty dreary and I feel like almost nothing happened. I don’t think it translates to the screen well but it did capture the feel of the games, or at least the first one. Let’s just say after seeing this I went on a mission to watch at least one more movie so it wouldn’t be my last of the year.

 Swiss Army Man – 7 – the praise for this movie was a bit unwarranted. It’s really silly and touching but it wasn’t the modern masterpiece that everyone was saying it was. maybe I missed something but the corpse of Daniel Radcliffe farting is only tolerable and funny for so long. I will say that this is one of the most unique movies I’ve ever seen, so I’ll give it props for that, and the soundtrack was actually incredible. I enjoyed it very much and need to watch it again but it was alright.

Come Together – 8 – an H&M short film by Wes Anderson that can be watched here: https://youtu.be/VDinoNRC49c . It was cute and I guess it’ll hold me over until Isle of Dogs, which comes out in 2018 (no it won’t)

 The Lobster – 8 – this absurd commentary on relationships and their influence on society is just bizarre and has a wonderfully dry performance from Colin Farrell and, well, every other actor too. this film is just crazy and I really need to watch it again. Expect it to be on my next year’s list as well. TOP TEN RELEASED IN 2016 xxx 10 – The Nice Guys

9 – Hell or High Water

8 – The Handmaiden

7 – Don’t Think Twice

6 – The Witch

5 – Moonlight

4 – Nocturnal Animals

3 – Green Room

2 – Arrival

1 – La La Land honorable mentions: Captain Fantastic, Horace and Pete, The Neon Demon, Make Happy recommendations: Frances Ha, Mistress America, Over the Garden Wall, The World of Tomorrow, Midnight in Paris, Me, and Earl, and the Dying Girl, The Lobster and finally the award for worst movie of the year goes to ,,,,, SUICIDE SQUAD duh. In 2016 I watched 77 movies, which is terrible considering I watched 124 last year and 92 in 2014. That gap from September to November really killed me in that regard and hopefully it won’t happen again or for as long next time. Overall this was actually a pretty weak year for movies it seems. Looking at my top of the year list, it looks significantly weaker than last year’s which had The Revenant, It Follows, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, Sicario, and Brooklyn. If anyone has questions or suggestions about anything I’d love to have a discussion so feel free. Here’s to another year of great movies. also if you’d like to follow me on twitter @thejoeydavis please do because I’m a huge slut for likes and I desperately want and need your approval. thanks for reading