#and how smaller slights can build into something that eventually wears you down emotionally like that

[genuflectx]

It’s almost a brand new year, and recently struggling to find applicable mental health care reminded me of this comic from earlier in the year.

Since this comic I’ve learned a lot more about my own patterns of thought and behavior, and even though I can’t diagnose myself I can recognize common traits in myself similar to some specific mental health disorders. Funny enough, I’ve apparently been unknowingly applying some aspects of dialectical behavioral therapy on myself for a few years now (accepting strong emotion non-judgmentally, being conscious of triggers, mindfully applying techniques to avoid triggers or mitigate pain when triggered, etc).

Buuut, I also very clearly still struggle with some “maladaptive” responses like emotional isolation, as well as grappling with identity issues (usually relating to morality and perception- like this comic) and stress induced paranoia. Plus just a ton of mental burnout I’ve been combating for months.

There’s one more mental health service in town that I can try after the new year so I’ve really got my fingers crossed that 2025 will be the “better mental health” year for me!! If I can’t find an in person one who can prescribe a medication- if a controlled substance is needed- then I may have to relent and opt for telehealth, though that has a lot of drawbacks for me. Either way, I am tired and want something to be done about it, and am gonna keep trying my best. Worst case scenario I have to read about and apply DBT on my own without the guidance of a therapist.

It's been a year since this comic and seven months since I started playing VRChat regularly. This is a bit of a follow up that's been on the mind for a while now.

Even though the prior comic was a way for me to remind myself that no, I'm not just some angry person who can't communicate, I've still obviously internalized a lot of the pain that's come from being interpreted like that. Even today, she still interprets even the smallest soft-spoken disagreement between myself and my now wife as being some sort of huge blow out argument that will rip the house apart.

I know it stems from her own previous family trauma, and that hurt people hurt people, but I think our clashing problems and ways of living have just worn down on all of us over time by being housemates. It's incredibly sad to me having someone go from feeling like a friend, talking about deep things, and going through major events together, to how avoidant we are of each other today because we just haven't meshed in a very long time.

I can be judgmental, and stubborn, and have mean thoughts, but through making new friends I'm reminded I can also be kind, and tolerant, and accommodating of differences and needs. Just because I don't get along with someone, and that someone sees me as one thing, doesn't mean that it's true or that its the only perception of me. I can be the person who gets irrationally annoyed when I think someone is doing something dumb and I can also be the person who wants to give hugs and tell my kid friends to be kinder to themselves and that I care about them getting enough sleep.

I guess this is also a glance at how VRC has been going for me, seven months deep and almost 300 hours in. When I first started playing and stopped being mute, actually making acquaintances and then more regular friends, I suppose I was surprised how everyone looked at me like I'm an angel. It was a stark difference to how bad I had been feeling about my personality after being cooped up in this house with the same people for years. Maybe I do have bad or just generally annoying (but not morally wrong) traits, but even so, these traits aren't nearly as all-encompassing or as strongly seen as I thought they were.

People actually do like me, either for my personality or in spite of some of my annoyances. After everything, I think I am still trying to re-learn this, and often still doubt myself. Not being able to turn your brain off may be great for keeping yourself in check, but sometimes I wish it would just give it a rest and let me be me. I wonder if I mask more than I think I do, even though I know I mask a lot less in VRC than out in the real world (sans in front of my wife).

That's really it. I hope I can keep being kinder to myself.

[pushspacetocontinue]

Monster/Cryptid Verse

Don’t know if I’ll add this one to the verse page. We’ll see. But yes, here is a Monster/Cryptid Verse AU.

Name: Russell.

Nickname: Custard. Professor Giggles. Luna Moth.

Age: 26

Birthday: 9th October 1993 (Star sign: Libra)

Gender: Cis Male (he/him/his pronouns)

Sexual Orientation: Homosexual.

Species: Human/Moth - Hybrid, more moth than human though. 

Powers/Abilities: Flight (can fly silently). Agility and dexterity. Super sensitive hearing and sense of smell. Able to jump long distances and height. Can go for long periods of time without needing food. Can vomit at will to deter attackers, but doesn’t like to do this often. Minor healing (his wings and antenna will eventually repair themselves if damaged). 

Weaknesses: Fire. Bone density is significantly lower than that of the average human, leading to easy breaking if he isn’t careful. Pretty much nocturnal and can barely function during the day. Can’t fly if his wing lose too many scales, or if they get damaged enough; he has to wait for them to heal. If his antennae are covered up (or if he loses one and has to wait for it to regenerate), his senses get dulled in turn. 

Ethnicity: White (well, his fur-colour is white) 

Current Residence: Travels around, but is currently in Endlebridge, Washington (note, I made up the city, it is fictional, just for ease of writing so I don’t have to focus too much on the accuracy of a real place. It is only brought up when necessary (such as when someone asks where they are,) and for the most part, I can leave locations ambiguous for ease of muse interaction.)

Former Residence: Boston, Massachusetts

Nationality: French-American (French Father (although unknown to him), American Mother). 

Mother: Cassandra Anderson (now deceased) - Pretty much threw him out of the house when his moth traits started coming in during puberty, so he he’s had to survive. 

Father: Unknown

Height: 5'2"

Weight: 90lbs 

Body Type: Thin but athletic.

Hair: Dirty-blonde, kept in an undercut with volume and fluff at the top.

Eyes: Blue

Languages: English, French, and American Sign Language (ASL). Knows a little German because of his old neighbour Freyde as well.

Distinguishing features: Covered in a thin layer of white fur, with the exception of his arms and legs. Although humanoid, the colouring from just above his elbows and just above his knees is a pinkish hue.

He has six limbs; four arms and two legs. He usually keeps two of his arms hidden beneath his clothing. A pair of long fluffy antennae which he often wears a hat or a hood to hide; and a pair of large green wings (even bigger than the rest of him.) He usually pretends the wings are a coat or a blanket.

Scar tissue on one of his right arms, shoulder and part of his chest because of a car accident. Some faint white scars on his wrists, you only notice them if you’re looking for them (and by putting his fur). Deep scratch marks (from fingernails) on his left shoulder. A couple of cigarette burns behind his right ear (hidden by his hair). A small birthmark on his abdomen that he shares with his father. Tip of his pinky finger on his right hand is also gone, missing just below the knuckle. He gets by well without it though. His mouth is also smaller than that of the average human. 

He stammers when he tries to talk too quickly, often getting stuck on a syllable or a particular word. It happens when he’s nervous or embarrassed too. He also has a awkward chuckle that comes out whenever he’s particularly uncomfortable about something. He prefers to communicate in sign language or by writing things down. 

He used to suffer an alcohol addiction, but has since gotten that under control. He wishes he had an easier time with the bouts of insomnia he gets. However, he has a concern over taking pills for it and so hasn’t tried to yet.

Far-sighted so he wears glasses to read, play games, and other close-up tasks. He’s also left-handed.

After a group of thugs tried and failed to murder him (despite coming close), one of his right arms becomes stiff, twitchy and painful in cold weather or if too much weight is put on it. It had gotten stabbed during the assault (they were aiming for his neck but he rolled away in time) and suffered some nerve damage.

Hobbies and Interests: Parkour and running, reading, space, videogames (he owns a multitude of game and consoles he got from saving money), mythology and the supernatural, steampunk, vaporwave, and drumming.

Occupation: Just does odd jobs and other such things. He has to find a lot of night time work and barely does things where there’s the chance he’ll meet other humans. 

Personality: Quiet and rather shy. He’s a bit of a doormat and finds it hard to speak up about a lot of things. But he’s also very kind and helpful whenever he can be, and has a lot of empathy and compassion for other people. He finds himself nervous around humans, believing himself inferior to them, or that they’ll hurt him for the littlest reasons. 

However, this sadly can lead him into getting mixed up with the wrong kind of people. He also has some basic fighting ability and will fight dirty if he has to, as much as he would rather not. He’s incredibly loyal to any friends he makes as well, willing to put himself between them and any danger that might come their way, even at a risk to his own life. He also has a slight temper, particularly when frustrated or when he’s allowed negative feelings to build up inside for too long. He does his best to keep that reined in.

He has some hope for the future, despite a previous attempt at suicide when he was twenty and a current battle with depression and he feels that things will look up. He’s trying to remain optimistic. He’s managed to get off alcohol since that too. He’s doing his best to keep moving forward.

Basic Backstory: He didn’t have the best childhood due to his mother being the awful woman that she was. She would act manipulative, lock her sons outside as a punishment, become violent, physically, verbally, and emotionally lashing out at them and other horrible things.

His mother kicked him at fourteen when his moth traits started to come from due to the onset of puberty. She was disgusted and horrified by what he really was, and so told him to leave. He has found random jobs and places to stay since then, accumulating money and finding things to keep him happy while hoping to find his true home. 

His first home (where he put down roots for longer than a few months) wasn’t good to be in. It was actually scary. His housemates tried to drag him into dangerous act and they were the ones who got him started on drinking alcohol at a young age. While they weren’t necessarily bad people (not to him at least), he was worried that he would be killed or something equally as awful if he stayed, due to some of the questionable deeds they got up and the enemies they had made. Accidents happened, and fights among them and people outside were getting worse. Even his housemates admitted they shouldn’t have dragged him into that living situation. While it left him constantly stressed out and scared, it was where he learned how to use his speed and agility in a fight, and how to implement basic first aid. It did little to make him feel better. 

But he’s gotten out of there, and currently lives out of a bag of things in an abandoned house that he managed to find. At the moment, that’s where he currently stays. 

[scattershotmind]

Samyah (OC)

Gonna put it below the cut because this is probably going to be long! ALSO @eisehaus , you've been tagged!

The basics:

Birthday: May 30th, 2001 (Tropical Zodiac: Gemini, Chinese Zodiac: Snake)

Age: 19 Years

Gender: Female

Height: 5′5″

Eye Color: Gold

Hair Color: Jet Black

Skin Tone: (The photo above is a little too pale) Her skin tone is best describe as a light-medium, usually slightly tanned (from long hours spent in the sun working), beige with slight olive undertones

Pets: Two cats; one female orange tabby with amber eyes named Venus and one male black cat with green eyes named Titan. She also has a solid white female Blizzard Corn Snake (pictured above, she goes with Sam almost everywhere) that she named Astaroth.

Clothing style: Her favorite color is black, first of all. She has a weird sense of style, in all honesty. She doesn’t mind showing skin, as long as none of her cleavage is showing and as long as her butt is fully covered. She’ll wear shorts and crop tops as long as they meet the aforementioned requirements. She does prefer jeans, tank tops/t-shirts, typically steel-toed black combat boots, and her very prized black leather jacket. She loves leather in general though, so anything leather is bound to become part of her wardrobe, such as vests, jewelry, etc. She loves rings and necklaces, and tends to always have some type of choker on. Her favorite choker happens to be a gunmetal colored, medium-size linked chain that fits around her neck perfectly.

Piercings and tattoos: She’s only pierced on her ears, but those piercings climb up the outer side of her ears. Two piercings on the lobe, then 5 piercings spread out along her ear, going up into the cartilage at the top. As for tattoos, she has a black and white cat yin yang tattoo on the inside of her left arm, about 2 inches down from her wrist. On her back, she has a set tribal wings, the base of the wings sitting between her shoulder blades on either side of her spine with the actual wings stretching up to stop just below the top of her shoulders and coming to a stop at the middle of her back, the tips curling in towards each other. In between the two bases of the wings sits a simple trinity knot. On her right bicep, she has a Chinese stye dragon wrapped like a cuff, going all the way around her arm 3 times with the head at the top, pointing up towards her shoulder and the tail at the bottom, pointing down towards her elbow.

Body description: Coming in at 5′5″, she’s not really tall, nor is she specifically short by human standards. She’s on the slimmer side with some muscle definition in her biceps, thighs, calves, and, while not extremely sharp, you can see the six pack on her stomach. Her feminine assets are decent and fairly average, she doesn’t have many complaints there.

Likes: Rock/Metal music, drums, guitar, anime, video games, baking, belly dancing, tarot cards, working out, singing, chocolate, hugs, cats, snakes, pretty much all animals, cars, working on cars, medical stuff.

Dislikes: Most cleaning chores (Does them anyways though), yelling, fighting, being touched out of nowhere (like sneaking up on her and touching her, she will try and punch you), her parents, alcohol, drugs, typically kids but will put up with them, parties, large crowds of people.

Hobbies: Absolutely loves to work on cars and their engines, can and will tear engines down and rebuild them, playing guitar/drums, rescuing animals, loves learning about and has taken classes on medical stuff so she knows her basics of caring for wounds, and resuscitation.

Personality: Samyah is a fairly feisty person. She talks shit back to people and can be very sassy if she’s in the mood for it. Her mouth is that of a sailor’s, and it has and will get her into trouble if she’s not careful. She doesn’t hesitate to speak her mind or stand up for others if she feels it’s needed. She’s fairly easy going and loves to have fun. She also is fairly soft for those she cares about. She can tend to become somewhat motherly, checking in on her loved ones, bringing them food, just basically trying to take care of them in small ways. She’ll gladly give them advice if they ask for it. If one of them falls sick, she can and will take care of them until they feel better, borderline hovering. Let’s not even get into how much of a doting and fawning person she becomes when caring for animals. Despite all of this, there are times where she becomes very shy and soft spoken. Conversely, when angered, she can and will lash out at the people around her. She tends to need time to vent out her frustrations, usually through music, playing drums/guitar, or working out. Occasionally, she’ll sing her feelings out, but would be extremely embarrassed if someone heard her.

Other info?: She’s lactose intolerant.

The backstory:

Sam was thrown into, as she calls it, ‘the system’ at the fairly young age of 13, right after the death of her (scumbag) father and subsequent disappearance of her (deadbeat) mother. Basically, she was abandoned, so she was put into the adoption system. Her life passed her by like dark storm clouds that just kept failing to release rain. She wasn’t adopted because people always preferred smaller, younger babies. So, around the time she turned 15, she became a bit of a problem child. She skipped school, and when she was at school she got into fights with kids who bullied her. She did keep away from smoking, but dabbled in alcoholic drinks occasionally. However, it was around this time that most of her passions began to surface. She made few friends, but those few introduced her to the things that helped her start to straighten up. She learned how to play the drums and electric guitar, and turned to those instruments instead of taking her anger out in a fight. She ended up learning how to read tarot cards, and even learned the only style of dance she knows to this day; belly dancing. She found a passion for weight lifting and working out in general, and began to aspire to build her strength to protect herself and her small friend group. Heck, her friends even got her into anime, video games, and cosplaying. They became as thick as thieves during their high school years.

Living in the system was no joke though. Between girls meaner than she was, and guardians who were only in it for the money, her life wasn’t exactly great. She often got bullied into doing chores for the other girls, and this is where the other side of her personality made itself known. While she wanted to be and acted like this badass, headstrong, fearless girl at school, she lacked most of her bravado at ‘home’. The quieter, perhaps even shy, side of her surfaced. She put up with the bullying and just did as she was told. She learned how to cook and bake from this, and did end up developing a love for baking.

When she turned 16, she received news of her mother’s overdose. She was officially an orphan, with both of her parents now dead. She often felt like there might have been something wrong with her, because she wasn’t even upset about it. Her abusive childhood under their roof, paired with the rougher life of living in an adoption home plus her frequent fighting and bullying made her more numb emotionally. Or, that’s how she preferred to be around others. When alone, she often felt sad and empty, though as the months passed she became happier again through a lot of work. She’d never have to worry about her crazy mother coming to find her, so that was a plus.

Eventually, she turned 18 and was allowed to move into her own place. She immediately got a job and worked towards going to college. Between 16 and 18, she got her shit together and straightened up, putting herself to the task of passing high school and graduating. She took both automotive classes and medical classes in high school, and she adored them both and couldn’t pick which one to major in when she went to college. She planned on waiting to enter college when she had a fairly decent amount saved up from her job, but things happened. She turned 19, and as the fall began to approach, she suddenly found herself waking up surrounded by demons in a different realm. Oh boy, she wasn’t ready for it.

BONUS:

Samyah's demon form, I finally decided on it lol

[thehowtostuff-blog]

Learning to ride a bicycle is a rite of passage for children around the world, as it is for the parents or other adults who teach them. While you may have learned by adding training wheels, experts now usually advise removing the pedals instead and working on balanced gliding. No matter the training technique you choose, remember that your job is to guide them, not hold or push them; and to encourage them, not intimidate them. Keep it fun and reward them (and yourself) with ice cream afterward!

EditSteps

EditEquipping Your Child and Their Bike

Start training when your child is physically and emotionally ready. Some kids have the balance and physical skills to ride a bike by age 4, and most do by age 6. But each child is different, so wait until your kid seems physically agile enough to handle balancing on a bike.[1]

Some kids may take a bit longer to be emotionally ready to teeter along on a bike, and that’s okay as well. Don’t rush or force them; encourage them instead, and start training when the time is right.

Use a bicycle that lets them place their feet on the ground. For most kids around age 5, a bike with wheels is ideal. When they straddle the seat, their feet should be flat on the ground with their legs straight.[2]

Training on a bike that’s too big or too small will only delay the process.

Remove the pedals from the bicycle. This may sound a bit strange at first, but taking off the pedals lets kids focus first on balancing on the bike during forward movement. They’ll just push off and stop by using their feet on the ground.[3]

You’ll typically just need a wrench to take the pedals off, but follow the instructions that come with your bike.

You can also buy ��coasting” or “balance” bikes that come without pedals, but this is typically an unnecessary expense.

Work with training wheels sparingly if at all. When you add training wheels, kids learn the components that tend to be easier for them first — pedaling, steering, and braking. But this leaves the hard part — balancing — for them to learn all of a sudden right at the end.[4]

If you work on balancing first, the other elements will seem like a piece of cake later on.

If you really prefer to use training wheels, however, try not to use them for more than a week or two. Otherwise, the child will learn riding habits that they’ll have to unlearn to ride without training wheels.

Choose a flat, open, paved training area. Sidewalks and streets offer too many distractions and potential dangers to make ideal training grounds. Instead, look for an empty parking lot on flat ground.[5]

A level grass field may seem tempting because it will cushion falls, but grass is usually too difficult for smaller kids to get moving in — either by foot or pedal power. The ground is also much bumpier than a typical parking lot.

Use a properly-fitted helmet and other safety gear. Choose a helmet that is designed for biking and for a child’s head. It should fit snugly, and there should be no more than 2 finger widths’ distance from the child’s eyebrows to the front brim of the helmet.[6]

Also use knee pads and elbow pads designed for kids. Bicycling gloves can help prevent scrapes from falls as well.

EditStarting with Balance Training

Lower the seat a little so your kid can push off the ground. For typical riding, you want the seat high enough that their legs are straight when their feet are flat on the ground. For pedal-less training, though, their knees should be slightly bent when their feet are flat.[7]

You’ll usually use a wrench to loosen the seat for adjusting, but your bike may come with a quick-release seat latch instead.

Support them, not the bike, without holding too tight. Lay your hand(s) on their shoulders, back, or neck without gripping tightly. If they need a bit more support, place your hands beneath their armpits.[8]

Your goal is to steady them, not hold them upright or push them forward.

Support them instead of holding onto the bike’s handlebars or seat.

Let them push off and glide with your gentle assistance. Instruct them to use both feet to propel themselves forward. They’ll probably be very wobbly at first, so guide their body in a balanced position. Let them manage the handlebars so they can get used to controlling them while moving.[9]

Catch them and guide them down whenever they start to fall, instead of holding them upright. Otherwise, you are simply replacing what training wheels do.

Once they get the hang of coasting, tell them to use their feet to stop when they begin to slow down.

Instruct them to look ahead, not down. Their instinct will probably be to look down at their handlebars or front wheel, and possibly even the pedals later on. Practice having them look out ahead as they coast forward.[10]

If you have a second person available, have them stand several feet/meters in front of the bike and back up as the kid coasts forward. Tell the child to watch that person.

Return the pedals and seat to their proper positions. Once the child is able to coast in a balanced position for as far as their foot-on-ground power will propel them, they’re ready for pedaling. Put the pedals back on as per the bike’s instructions, and raise the seat so that they are flat-footed and straight-legged when straddling it.[11]

EditGuiding Them as They Pedal Off

Teach them the “ready position” for starting. Spin the pedals so that one is slightly above and forward of the other. Looking from the side with the front wheel to your left, the pedals should be roughly in the 4 o’clock and 10 o’clock positions.[12]

If they’re right-handed, the right pedal should be forward, and vice versa.

Let them build their own forward momentum. While supporting them but not gripping tight, have them put their dominant foot on the forward pedal. Tell them to push on it as they lift their other foot onto its pedal. Remind them to control the handlebars and look ahead as they do so.[13]

Don’t push on them or the bike to “get them started.” Practice with them until they can build up their own forward momentum.

Loosen your contact but remain alongside them. Your kid’s first attempts at pedaling forward will likely be short-lived. Eventually though, they’ll be able to sustain forward motion. As they improve, reduce your contact with them steadily while walking or jogging beside and slightly behind them.[14]

As before, catch them and guide them down during a fall instead of holding them up.

Make sure they know how to steer and stop. Practice making slight balance corrections and gentle turns with the handlebars both before and while they’re in motion. If they turn too sharply and begin to fall, guide them down and try again.[15]

Likewise, practice how to use the brakes — whether they’re pedal or hand brakes — both before and while the child is in motion.

Stay close by until they are confident riding solo. Some kids will want to take off and leave you in the dust, while others will feel better with you right beside them even after they’ve mastered pedaling forward. Act as a source of confidence, not as a crutch that holds them up and keeps them pointed straight.[16]

Accept that they’ll fall a few times. Even when they’re ready to ride without you by their side, they will almost certainly “wipe out” here and there. If they’re on a flat surface, going at a low speed, and — most importantly — wearing the proper safety equipment, their chances of serious injury are minimal.[17]

Check that they’re okay, but don’t go overboard with coddling or consoling them.

Say something like “Whoops! Are you okay? Everything seems alright, so let’s get back on the bike and give it another try — you’re doing great!”

Learning that you can fall and get back up is a valuable biking lesson and life lesson!

EditKeeping It Fun

End a training session when it stops being fun. Some kids will master biking in an hour, but it will take several sessions for others. If they’re losing confidence or interest during a training session, call it quits for now and try again later in the day or the next day.[18]

Some kids may be eager to practice for hours on end until they get the hang of it, but most often you should plan for single sessions to last for about 30 minutes to 1 hour.

Don’t set artificial deadlines or exert undue pressure. Help your kid learn to ride at the pace that’s right for them. Trying to force them or shame them into learning quickly may turn them against the entire notion of learning to ride. Don’t say things like:[19]

“All your friends ride bikes, so it’s time you learned too.”

“Your sister learned to ride in an hour, and so can you.”

“We’re going to stay out here all day until you learn this.”

“You want to be a big kid, right? Well, big kids ride bikes.”

Be positive and encouraging at all times. Learning to ride a bike should be fun, not a chore. Praise them every time they achieve a new milestone along the way, and offer a pick-me-up whenever they struggle or fall. Say things like:[20]

“That’s the way to hold the bike steady — good job!”

“Wow, you really coasted a long way that time — and straight ahead!”

“You did a good job catching yourself from falling off the bike that time. Try not to turn the handlebars so sharply next time.”

“We’ll be ready to bike together to the ice cream shop soon!”

Let someone else do the teaching, if necessary. Some kids simply respond better to a teacher who isn’t a parent. If they’re close with a relative or family friend who’d be happy to help out, let them give it a try. [21]

Don’t feel bad — remember that the goal is to get them riding. Once they do that, you can go on lots of bike rides together!

EditVideo

EditTips

Don't force your child to ride a bike if they don't want to. If they aren't interested, they won't learn no matter how much you force them to try.

Instead of removing the pedals, consider buying a pre-bike. This is a lightweight two-wheeler without the complication of pedals, etc. The child learns to balance, scoot, and then glide along, potentially from a very young age. When you child is ready you can then introduce a bike with pedals.

EditWarnings

Make sure that the brakes are working properly and tires are in good conditions.

Always make sure your child wears a helmet when riding their bike.

EditThings You'll Need

Correctly-sized bike

Safety helmet

Knee and elbow pads

Biking gloves

Patience and a good attitude!

EditRelated wikiHows

Ride a Dirt Bike

Ride No Handed on a Bike

Ride a Horse

Ride a Fixed Gear Bike

Draft on a Bike

Ride a Bicycle

Be a Cyclist

Convince Your Parents to Let You Walk Home Alone

Prepare your Child to Walk Home from School

EditSources and Citations

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from How to of the Day https://ift.tt/2KW660N