#and how I managed to get into the normal medical care as an adult

[malewifehenrycooldown]

doing something for my former doctor who’s going to be attending a specific medical conference and he wants me to relay my experiences which could help other professionals and families understand what I went through. But also I don’t want to do it. My brain is too unfocused and it’s just a million thoughts running around at light speed that I can’t form a single coherent thought.

[scourgeofmyownbrain]

Now, I just want to start by saying I love BabBee and Dadimus. I do, 10/10 would enjoy again, but I think Y'all are neglecting the comedic and story potential of Bumblebee and Optimus meeting as ✨Adults✨ and still becoming a family.

Imagine with me, if you will, Cybertron ravaged by war. Things have fallen to shit. Megatron has been dragging these divorce proceedings out for years. Bumblebee was born around the beginning, give or take a few years, I don't care about specifics. His parents were sadly killed early on in his life due to something war related and Bumblebee has grown up alone. He manages to survive to adulthood, and he joins the Autobots. Bumblebee has been drowning in the consequences of this war since day 1 and he wants to help fix it. If Megatron won't sign the divorce papers then Bumblebee will. Yada Yada Yada Sad Backstory This is so sad, Alexa play The Less I Know The Sexy Back.

Anyhoo, Bumblebee is very good at his job as a scout. Top of the line shit, best of the best, 5 stars would eat here again. He's so good he gets promoted to work directly under Optimus Prime himself. Look at our boy go, we're so proud of him, you get that bag sister. Overtime, Bumblebee manages to become friends with Optimus (and the rest of Team Prime but we're focusing on Optimus rn) and they get pretty close. They're work besties, Bumblebee will make a joke over comms and Optimus will smile and say "I N D E E D, B U M B L E B E E.". Fucking insufferable, the both of them, it's so cute. You know how you can become friends with people twice/half your age when you're working at a hard job? That's what happened here, they've been through the (actual) trenches together, they've bonded.

So at some point, Bumblebee gets seriously injured while under Optimus's command, like some life threatening shit. Whether or not it's voicebox related is universe dependent , so we're not going to specify what happens, but it's serious. Bumblebee survives, obviously, but Optimus feels SO bad about it. Oh the Guilt is strong. When he's visiting Bee, some of this leaks out and Bumblebee tells him that he should not blame himself, Bee is choosing to fight, if he dies while fighting for the good of Cybertron, so be it. Better him than some innocent spark in the future. Plus, Bee only got hurt because of a stupid mistake he made, not anything Optimus did.

Bumblebee says this to try and reassure his friend/superior, but now Optimus feels WORSE. Bumblebee is like half Optimus's age (Bee and Optimus are whatever the Cybertronian equivalent of 20 and 40 are, respectively) and had nothing to do with the start of the war, and he's just as ready to die as Optimus is? And he's blaming himself for his injury? That he only got because Optimus told him to do something? Optimus is NOT going to let that slide, no he's not! Over his dead body! He is not crying in the club rn, what are you talking about.

Optimus has decided Bumblebee can not die now. He has declared, as the 13th Prime, that Bumblebee dying has become illegal and he will do everything in his power to enforce this new Law of The Universe That Should Never Be Broken Ever. Now, whenever the two are on a mission, Optimus tries to protect Bumblebee as best he can. He doesn't want to coddle him, Bumblebee is an adult and Optimus respects that but he'll be damned if he lets Bumblebee get seriously hurt when he could have prevented it. He also starts checking up on him when they're not fighting, asking how his day is going, how a mission went, making sure he see's a medic if he's hurt, making sure he's eating his energon, all that good stuff. Bumblebee is his friend, he's going to make sure he's okay, this is perfectly normal friend behavior. The rest of team prime is doing a similar thing, they all want to make sure Bumblebee is doing okay. Optimus isn't being parental in the slightest, he is being very normal. (Author's note: Optimus and Team Prime are being very Not normal about their emotions. All of them have some level of abandonment issues/lost-a-loved-one-itis and can no longer be normal about people they care about.)

Bumblebee recognizes what Optimus (and the rest of Team Prime) is doing. He knows that Optimus cares for him; he cares for him right back. Bee's not stupid, he knows that he's been getting some special treatment in the form of vaguely parental affection. And you know what? He likes it, a lot. He didn't get any growing up and now he's getting it from a guy he really looks up to, why would he pass this up. Bumblebee tries to return this affection he's being given in any way he can. He makes sure Optimus isn't overworking himself by visiting him while he's working, he makes sure Optimus is eating by inviting him to eat with him, he drags Optimus into the med-bay with him so he see's a medic every once in a while, he tries to make Optimus smile with his dumb jokes and antics, the whole kit and caboodle. Bee sees Optimus as some kind of parental figure, and he's going to make sure his newly acquired pop-pop is okay, just like he's doing for Bee. The Pop-Pop thing was a joke (Kind of). Why is he looking for cybertronian legal papers? That is none of your business, Bee just wants to see them for fun. No he's not drunk, the container of high grade started empty.

Life continues, Optimus (and Team Prime) continues to take care of Bee in his unknowingly parental way and Bumblebee is vibing with his newly acquired dad. It takes a while for anyone to acknowledge the new dynamic, Bumblebee just doesn't explicitly bring it up and Optimus hasn't pulled his head out of his suppressed emotion ass long enough to realize it. And keep in mind that Bumblebee is still an Adult and they are still technically coworkers, they still have a job to do, a war to win. Eventually though, maybe after the Autobots have left Cybertron, Optimus finally processes his emotions and realizes he see's Bee as family.

Optimus: Bumblebee, I care for you deeply, and I've come to see you as family.

Bumblebee: Aw, thank you! I consider you family as well. *Hands OP a data pad* In fact, you adopted me months ago.

Optimus (who did not sign any adoption papers at any time): I did what?

Bumblebee: I forged your signature.

At some point in the future, some guy is being a dick to Optimus, i don't really know what could happen, but Bumblebee steps in to defend Optimus with "That's my dad, you bitch!" and fucking slams the guy and Optimus is just standing there buffering, bc he's still getting used to showing and taking obvious affection and he approches Bee later to ask if he really considers Optimus as his dad. And Bee just kind of stares at him then points at the bumper sticker on OP's chest and says "yes, you idiot, I gave you that sticker for a reason" bc the sticker says "Worlds Best Dad" and it matches the "Worlds Best Son" sticker Bee got for himself and I'm rambling, I'll shut up now.

I made more

[pastafossa]

I went through the second half of my ADHD testing today. And we had some time left. She asked me how I was feeling, towards the end, about the questions and the issues I'd talked about, and I told her about my anxiety and guilt over the things I'd mentioned, and my fear even now that I'd get through this whole process just to hear 'It's not ADHD, you're just lazy, just try harder.' When I told her that she gently said, "well I want you to know, you do have ADHD. You have it. You don't have to feel anxious about that anymore." And ya'll, the way I just started to cry.

I have it. I have it, and I class as 'severe' ADHD.

All those times as a kid I got in trouble with teachers for forgetting things or not being able to focus. All of the, 'you do well in reading, you're smart enough to focus on this, too, don't be lazy, you just need to try, why don't you care?'. All of the projects I started but couldn't finish, the forgetting to reply to messages and texts from friends and losing friendships over it, the clutter I can never seem to manage, my shit attention span, the way I couldn't just get shit DONE, the failed attempts over and over and over to organize and task manage and I don't understand, I'm trying, I promise I'm trying, please, I'm trying, why isn't it working. All those years spent wondering why I was such a fuckup when everyone else appeared to breeze through projects and Normal Adult Tasks without forgetting or losing focus.

And now I know it wasn't my fault. That I was trying. That I did care. That I wasn't lazy. My brain just... doesn't work the usual way. I was doing the best I could with the wrong tools, because all my life I've needed a screwdriver and all I had was a hacksaw. And now, NOW I can finally go to to the doctor for medication, go to therapists who can help and I can finally get the right set of tools. I know now one of the reasons I'm so anxious thanks to this: "I've found that people with late diagnoses often struggle with guilt and shame, and a lot of internalized ableism, because they've dealt for years with people accusing them of being lazy or just not caring."

It is so, so gd validating, especially on top of the surprise diagnosis of 'oh yeah and you're on the spectrum and that's why you've always struggled with these other things!' It feels like there's this weight off my shoulders and it's amazing.

[verdemoun]

Do any of the gang members find out that they have any disorders/mental illnesses/etc. once they get timewarped and if so what are their reactions? Ranging from “oh, I though that was normal” to “NUH UH!”

timewarp was founded on the gang realising they have ptsd and kieran's autism being more obvious and worse in timewarp. but in detail

kieran is autistic

sean might have adhd but he doesn't actually have hyperactivity as a symptom. plot twist he just has that erratic trauma avoiding energy. it is a lot more masking severe c-ptsd and imposter syndrome that is his behind his exaggerated happy personality. see reform school lore

arthur is one of the few diagnosed he definitely had an acquired brain injury which while a physical injury manifests with mostly neurological symptoms. sometimes he gets confused or irritated for seemingly no reason, and this has been a thing since long before timewarp. the gang move on from joking about how dumb he is he does have an intellectual disability as part of his ABI. his response was very "oh I thought that was normal" and "bah i ain't need help".

the gang have subconsciously been aware of this long before they had the medical knowledge to understand it and are all pretty used to quickly explaining things or reminding arthur of stuff he forgets. lowkey consider this canon ever notice how the gang talk to arthur sometimes not entirely condescending but explaining things on his level eg sean being the one to point out the grays will definitely recognise him and he should hide in the wagon, grimshaw almost playfully reminding a grown man to wash because he straight up forgets, gentle reminders of what they're doing through heists even beyond game mechanics a lot of heist cut scenes are super repetitive like charles very much breaking down we're blowing a hole in the bank. take the spool and connect it to the detonator. the detonator is over there. it just feels like they know arthur isn't always entirely there and are v supportive. arthur is so curious and asks so many questions and the gang just roll with it and answer most of the time it feels so kind and positive.

arthur also definitely has adhd. hyper-fixates on new interesting thing for a month and then completely forgets everything he ever learned about it

almost the entire gang acknowledge they have ptsd/c-ptsd and varying levels of trauma as a response their lives/childhoods/relationships with parents/being a VDL. acknowledging it doesn't mean they do anything to move towards recovery because they are still mostly men raised with 19th century values who hang shit on each other for flinching at loud noises or being 'is someone shooting at us' alert

lenny and isaac as the most aware begging their friends/family to take their mental health seriously and are constantly met with 'lmao no' 'that's?? normal?? what do you mean' and 'NUH'. lenny cries 'please this is re-traumatising you are actively upsetting yourselves' while the gang go 'boo grow a pair' despite experiencing varying levels of anxiety attack in response to triggers.

john will only bring up 'hey stop making wolf jokes about me it is Actually a Trigger' to stop the gang bullying him. very genuine trigger and phobia of wolves and wolf-like dogs but still doesn't take it seriously himself

bill has recognized anger management issues and is in therapy. alcoholism is a definite concern. he's also just got a lot of internalised homophobia and complex feelings about the gang and his own childhood to unpack and learn how to articulate and express his feelings in a healthier way. only one of the adult gang who is actively trying to improve his mental health through therapy go king

the d in dsm-5 stands for dutch and he is thriving in in-patient care. not even the doctors know entirely what to diagnose him because he seems to have symptoms of everything but is responding best to medications traditionally used to support bi-polar

special acknowledgement to karen who is very very depressed but is a thriving with anti-depressants because trying to get the gang to go to actual psychologists and therapy is Hell. her and sean send each zoloft memes constantly

[nao-is-broke]

So I’ve been wanting to talk about what being a part of this side of the fandom has meant to me for awhile, I just never took the time to write it all out. Quick TW for topics such as CSA/SA and c*dfia

I am going to get a bit personal, as well, so if that’s not your jam, please skip this post!

I grew up on the internet and in fandom spaces. I primarily stayed in the YouTube, Wattpad, and Pinterest sides of things (just because I had controlling parents), but there’s plenty of harmful stuff on those platforms, as well. Having been introduced to fandom culture at the ripe age of 9, it has dominated much of my life.

Not just that, but I was introduced to it at one of the worst times in my life. I’m not going to go too much into detail for the sake of brevity, but I was SA’d from the ages of 9-10. Having found fandom around the same time as this, one can imagine how much it affected my psyche.

Seeing ships between adults and children, as well as just the general sexualization of minors, helped normalize what was happening to me. And it would take way too long for me to admit what had happened and get help for it. Even still as an adult, I look back at relationships I had with those around me who were much older, and recognize how wrong it was. But I wasn’t able to see how bad it was at the time because it was so normal to me.

Nowadays, I struggle with (diagnosed, for those who care) PTSD. It’s manageable with medication, but it still affects me. It keeps me from doing certain things, I have nightmares, I occasionally get flashbacks. To cope during some of my worse times, I tend to turn to fanfiction and project onto my comfort characters. I never read/write the action itself just because that makes me, personally, worse—but it’s comforting to see my favorite characters go through the same thing as me and receive comfort and healing for it.

I will never condone or understand those who claim that normalizing these kinds of ships can help. It played an active part in me not telling the adults around me for years. It kept/keeps me from getting into different fandoms and those spaces because it messes with my PTSD. It’s one thing to engage with this content with the intent of “this is wrong and I know that”, and it’s another to engage with it with the intent of “this is okay and shouldn’t be a problem”

People—good people—contributing to the StF fandom and not only speaking out against cedfia and related things but also helping pump it with wholesome art and such has made this space a place I can engage in. It has helped make me appreciate the fandom so much more. There are other people I personally know as well who can’t engage with certain fandoms and such (specifically ones that don’t have topics of SA in the source material) because of this exact issue.

I’m not too sure how I want to end this, other than saying that I am a living example of how it’s never “just fiction”. Things you create and say and do don’t exist in a vacuum, and can have a real and negative effect on real life victims. Please be mindful when creating content around SA/CSA.

[roki-snake-sinner]

How the turtles react to Casey Jones’ boobas

Warning: Tcest, Adult Raph, Leo, Mikey, and Don (from 2012 to Rise, and Punk) and adult ftm Casey Jones (2012). The T boys react to Casey out of his binder. Not for Antis or Minors. Also, Mentions of Shark Week! Don’t like then don’t read. I don’t own any of the TMNT or 12! Casey Jones.

*12 Raph; Face red, hands covering his eyes. Angry yelling at him to put on a shirt! It takes a while for him to be able to look at Casey in the eyes again, but becomes a scary guard dog whenever Casey needs him. Ready and willing to tear limbs off of anyone that says anything negative towards Casey, but also fights with Mikey over who can rest their head on Casey’s chest.

*12 Leo: Little blushing baby, covers his eyes every time he enters a room that Casey’s in. Takes a long time to become comfortable with Casey and treat him like normal. Tries not to stare, but gets caught more times than not.

*12 Mikey: confused but excited because Casey now becomes his favorite pillow. Treats him the same, but a little more needy. Demands kisses and hugs. The most understanding out of all his brothers and makes Casey comfort food on days that he feels like an imposter or just not in the right body.

*12 Don: honestly, the one who knew first because he is the team’s medic, has to give Casey all his shots and bandages him up the most. Master Splinter and April taught him how to take care of Casey’s injuries and to comfort him. Made Casey a new chest plate to add protection during fights.

*Rise Raph: Hugs, the biggest of bear hugs (after Casey managed to not attack him and such and is given permission), lets Casey use his arms as a weighted blanket. Terrified to accidentally crush Casey, but after a few headbutts and bite marks, he knew that Casey could handle it. Secretly wants to motorboat Casey’s boobas, but is terrified to ask. (He is big boy, with a big face)

*Rise Leo: Becomes an even bigger flirt, needs to get smacked in the head a lot more often but Casey does enjoy the attention. (Rise Leo and Rise Donnie are FREAKS, don’t @ me). Will motorboat with permission or simply rest his head there to suffocate (It would be an honor). Will find any excuse to hold Casey’s chest (Please use this boy, he needs to be used)

*Once Casey is comfortable not wearing his binder all the time (When was the last time that thing was washed), he needs to fight them all off with a hockey stick. Turtles are known for biting, so Casey’s chest is free gain.

*Rise Mikey: Smother this boy please!! He will wait until Casey’s comfortable, but silently prays to the yokais’ every night to let him suffocate on 12! Casey’s chest. Rise! Mikey has a tummy kink, I bet it! Makes damn sure that Casey changes his binder, buys him so much in every different color (mainly reds, purples, blues, and oranges), and talks about what he is feeling and thinking. Will gladly let Casey use him as a seat or pillow. Body paint, body paint everywhere!!

Rise Donnie: Do Not, I repeat Do NOT let Rise Donnie near Casey’s chest, it will be covered in bite marks, sticky fluids, and such. Especially if Casey has boobas that don’t quite fit into his binder anymore due to Rise! Mikey feeding him. (This boy is needs to, and any Adult Mikey/Raph probably has a food kink)

*Punk/Swag Rebel (Raph): Confused but allows 12 Casey to steal his hoodies on bad days, probably rests his hands/head there without a thought. Will stop if it makes Casey uncomfortable, but if given permission Rebel will guard dog (especially from Swift)

*Punk/Swag Swift (Leo): 12! Casey needs to use Swift’s brothers as a meat shield, will mark and probably tattoo his name on them. The Freakest of the freaks. He thought that marking up his brothers was a masterpiece, wait until he gets ahold of 12! Casey. Doesn’t let Casey say anything negative about himself, will be Casey’s sparring partner, (boobas/ ass jiggling is his weakness). Feral Swift is feral.

*Punk/Swag MC (Mikey): finds edible body paint and has at it when given permission. Tries to spray paint Casey’s boobas for the world to see (realizes how feral they make him and his brothers) but gets distracted and goes back to regular spray painting masterpieces. Not the cooker of the family, but will eat food off of Casey’s body if given the chance.

*Punk/Swag Ghost (Donnie): Allows 12! Casey to steal his turtlenecks on bad days or when Casey just wants to wear his boyfriend’s shit. Probably AroAce, but still likes his name on Casey’s chest or on his body. Might take 12! Casey on Not dates and carries him around.

Everyone, but Ghost, during 12! Casey ‘shark week’: Terrified, Horny as fuck, watches him like yanderes.

Ghost during 12! Casey’s ‘shark week’: scared, but willing to spare, give warm turtlenecks, heating pad, etc. Probably seen more blood than any of the others, but still don’t want to wake up next to someone that’s not the best at remembering to change pads or when his ‘shark week’ starts. One to remember the birth control, Shots, and medical stuff that 12! Casey needs.

Yes, I will be making this into a story on my AO3, it will be sweet and full of smut. If you’re not comfortable with it, then I suggest you don’t read it.

I’m getting back into my feral stages of comfort. You have been warned.

[gloomyclauds]

Sooo... I’m sick. I think it’s just a cold. Either way, I’m pissed that I always seem to get sick when I actually get time for myself 🥲 But I can't help but wonder if my dizziness has to do with something else entirely.

tw:anxiety // tw:eatingdisorder

I started a new medication, the day before I started feeling sick, and I’m hoping some of my symptoms don’t have to do with that. But I’m honestly freaking out a bit.

To sum up, ever since the pandemic, my acne has been really bad. And even though it’s over now, I still wear a mask everyday at work, which makes my skin horrible. I finally managed to get an appointment with a dermatologist and I was diagnosed with adult acne, and I have to take medication which has a lot of side effects. But what’s stressing me out the most is the fact that it can lower my blood pressure, and apparently (after reading the info paper) it can make me lose weight. I’ve struggled to gain weight all my life. It only improved after I was diagnosed with anxiety and started taking medication. Literally after a two weeks of doing the treatment, I gained 10kg, by eating what I normally would. So the thought that something could potentially make me lose that weight is freaking me out, and I wish the doctor would’ve mentioned it, as I am still very skinny. I weight the minimum for my height, and after years of trying, I can’t get past it, but at least I'm healthy. And I don’t want to lose what I managed to achieve and maintain all these years.

I always feel weird talking about it, because most people don’t even believe me when I tell them I struggle to gain weight. They think I simply don’t eat, and that it’s impossible for anxiety to cause this, even if I've been diagnosed and treated by a doctor. They don’t even believe me when I tell them I only used to weight 41kg, but I did. After turning 14 I stopped growing and gaining weight. This is something that has haunted me my entire life, and I’m finally happy with my body. I never want to hear comments about how skinny and sickly I look while at work, from family, or while going out, from people I don’t even know. I was diagnosed at 18, maybe 19, and I'm now 28. For years I didn't have to worry about my weight, until I read that stupid info paper.

Maybe I’m freaking out for no reason, it’s something that can happen, but that doesn’t mean it will. It's easy to be paranoid when so many of the side effects are the same ones you'd feel from a cold. But it sucks if my only option for treatment is to either be very skinny or have horrible skin. I can’t win. I can’t even get another appointment right now as I work a night shift, and during the mornings I have to take care is my mother.

I don’t even know if that trigger warning is the right one for this kind of topic, I haven't been diagnosed with an ED, but as I talk about weight and weight loss, I just thought I'd be safe. And don’t worry, for now this could all be a cold and I just need to rest and stop worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. But talking about it helps 🙂 I’m also sorry this is super long, I just wanted to let you know what's up, since I've said I was going to start posting again soon.

[beemers-hell]

Oh wow. So, are Raina finds out cure, or she struggles with seizures even for now?

Also, i love her lore. It's pretty sad and angsty, but at least she get that enderman powers- love how you pointed that being fearless is a difficulty.

ANYWAY! what are her Favorite places in nevada to be? Or maybe some if Nevada had same things our earth got?

How good she is with kids? It seems to be really interesting since she mostly didn't have adults to care or survive.

Ok so:

1) She hasn't really tried figuring out a cure for her epilepsy or anything, she's just resigned to managing it as best she can with medication n' shit. She's essentially "stress tested" herself plenty of times in order to figure out how much teleporting she can handle before an episode is triggered, or just what triggers it in general outside of her powers, and she's found that being on anticonvulsants helps in letting her teleport more without triggering an episode, as well as just not having any during normal life stuff period lol. So she makes do with whatever she's able to scavenge! Making sure she's stocked on anticonvulsants is a top priority for both her and her work colleagues!

2) Thank you so much!! I'm very happy with her story as is lol. I think its important to highlight how fearlessness isn't necessarily a good trait to have, especially in an apocalyptic setting such as Nevada. This girl gets THIS close to getting killed half the time as a result of her fearlessness resulting in recklessness!

3) Usually her favorite places out in the wasteland are just rundown, abandoned malls or arcades, she likes visiting places she can somewhat remember vibing in as a child, and seeing what's become of them. Plus, she's a technical wizard, and is usually able to figure out how to get arcade cabinets back up and running if left around them for long enough. The gamer in her never left, despite the horrors lol

4) She's wonderful with kids! Though she doesn't really come across them all that often, considering no one really like...has time to settle down and focus their efforts on anything but survival lol. However, she has run into a couple lost kids and teens over the years, and she's always been an absolute riot with them. She's naturally got that big sister type of energy/operating mode, and is usually able to keep them in high spirits while also trying to find a safe place for them to go. Cause like, as much as she's fond of them, she knows keeping a kid around in Nevada is much more of a liability than it is helpful!

[blindmagdalena]

ABOUT the super test tube babies because I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT RHIS!!! I think that A, holelander is himself a walking talking medical miracle, and B, he is very obviously an incredibly dangerous variable ago it’d be stupid to create more of. and what I mean when I say that is for point A, spend a minute thinking about jut how different dupes are from a regular person, and how exponentially different Homelander is from a regular supe. He is WORLDS AWAY from a regular human being, and the amount of medical intervention he would have required would be ASTRONOMICAL. Homelander is almost a new species. He is something the world has never seen and maybe will never see again, the white elephant, the golden goose. When I say bought lucked out I mean they LUCKED OUT. what are the odds he could’ve been incredibly deformed? have congenital defects related to the sheer amount of V in his system that ended his life? Just passed on one day, nature having run its course and ended something unnatural? -who’s to say this hasn’t already happened to any number of brothers and sisters he would have had? did they get it right on the first try?- Like genuinely the labour the cost the care workers the secrecy that would rival the Manhattan Project the cost the bizarre maladies they could never explain the training the 24/7 crew of expert geneticists and physicians the cost and did I mention how much this would all cost. And this segues into my next point—it would be ridiculous to do it all again. Obviously they know homelander would come out traumatized. They just thought they could control him. I’m quoting someone else but “this is like cutting off four of your fingers and playing dice with them.” Homelander, at any moment, could cause destruction to this world and to humanity in absolutely unprecedented ways. He was flying faster than the sound barrier before eight, he is the strongest person alive, he sees through walls, he can detect conversations >100 feet away, and he CAN VAPORISE THINGS WITH HIS EYES. There is no contingency plan for Homelander deciding he can just take the things he wants. No jail can hold him, any army would be crushed by him. At any moment he could just decide to go apeshit!! Sure Vought has successfully manipulated him into doing at least mostly manageable damage but how likely is that to continue? And can they do it with another supe?? Would hoemlander see them as a threat and try to off them? Or would they CATASTROPHICALLY get along and be allies? One Homelander is insanely dangerous and almost godlike. 2? United? Potentially against Vought? They would be quite literally unstoppable.

this is absolutely true with Homelander as an adult! and you make a good point: maybe it simply wasn't profitable.

however, my thought process isn't really "why didn't they make another Homelander" so much as "Why didn't they refine the process that created him?"

because the fact of the matter is that even in current canon, Vought is still making supes. presumably in a manner that is wildly unpredictable because they never actually KNOW how the powers are going to manifest in each child. we still have an orphanage full of young supe children who killed their parents or were otherwise unwanted/orphaned. how is that better than Build-A-Bear'ing supes in labs?

although to be honest, this is the least of my problems with Vought's entire operation lol how did they manage to spread the propaganda that supes are born of god when Soldier Boy was their first public supe and people KNEW he wasn't always a supe? how did they keep any of the HUNDREDS of parents from blabbing, NDA or not? it's a terrible distribution plan, honestly. it would have been better if they were hiding the compound V injections amongst perfectly normal infant vaccines in their hospitals.

[thescrumblingmidwife]

So I actually have a separate hymen and want to talk a little about it and ask a question.

I first started my period at 12, and that was no big deal. It was always spaced out by about 6 months. But when I started synchronized swimming and water polo, it became a problem. I had tried to use tampons, but my body just wouldn't let me. My mom kept telling me I must've been too tensed up. Finally, when I was 15, I was able to use one so I could go to a pool party.

Party ended, I got home, tried to change the tampon...

And I couldn't.

I kept trying to remove it, but it felt like it was caught on something. So my mom and I went to the ER and the lady who helped me was very kind and suggested I use sports tampons due to how they absorb and open up.

A few other instances of things feeling like they got "hooked" on something and finally feeling around, I realized there was that extra tissue there.

Even with tampons that don't unfurl like a massive block of cotton, it still hurts and takes me a few tries to remove tampons, but the problem is that I'm terrified of surgery. I know it would improve my quality of life in regards to menstruation, but I don't know how to broach the topic with family (fyi I am an adult, but still live with my parents and I am unable to drive) or my doctor.

Do you have any advice on how to bring it up and what to expect/how to not be so nervous?

Also, apologies for the long ask!

Hi Anon!

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us!

I will share one with you: I also had a septate hymen, and I know exactly what you're talking about with the pain of tampon use. I lived with it for years - even managing to have sex around it, until one day it finally snapped, causing a lot of bleeding and pain. The result was a lot of scar tissue, that caused painful intercourse for years. All of which I thought was completely normal, because no one ever told me otherwise. When I finally had the procedure (called a "hymenotomy") to remove the extra tissue, it changed my life.

Because I had that experience, I can also tell you what will happen with a hymenotomy. I hope reading this will help ease your anxiety:

You'll go to the facility where your doctor performs procedures (may be a hospital, outpatient clinic, or surgical center). You'll be asked to put on a gown and sit on a gurney. They'll probably cover you in warm blankets. A nurse will give you an IV. Then, they will either wheel or walk you down to the procedure room. You'll be asked to sit on a high table, and probably to scoot your bottom close to the edge. Your doctor will be there, as well as an anesthetist and a nurse. They will put a mask over your face, and have you count back from 10. You'll get to about 8 or 7 before you get SO TIRED you fall quickly into the best sleep you've ever had. When you wake up, it will be like no time passed, and it will be done. The postprocedure discomfort is pretty mild and can be handled with Tylenol. You may have a couple of stitches, which will either dissolve on their own, or may be the kind the doctor will remove at a follow-up to check your healing. And then you'll never have to worry about snagging tampons ever again!

---

Now, Anon, how to bring it up?

Do you currently see a gynecologic healthcare provider? If not, that's where you need to start. As an adult with a vagina, you should regularly see one for well-woman care and screenings. If you need your parents' help finding one, you don't need to share any information beyond "current best practice guidelines state that I should be receiving gynecologic care and I would like to do so." You're entitled to medical confidentiality, even from parents, even from parents you live with and whose insurance you are on, and who drive you places.

Once you've gotten an appointment with a gynecologic provider, I think you'll find the topic can come up quite naturally. The provider will ask if you have any concerns you want to discuss. You will want to tell a provider about your issues with an obstruction before they perform any kind of exam - and it should be visually obvious to a provider as well. (The provider will always look before touching, and warn you every step of the way). The provider will then have a conversation with you about your options, and give you the information you need to make a decision. She should also be able to help you decide how much you need or want to explain to your parents.

I hope this was helpful to you, and maybe ameliorated a tiny bit of your anxiety. The unknown is so much scarier than the real thing!

[flowercrowncrip]

After a couple of incidents, I recently asked all my carers to be more respectful of my workplace and to take more of a background role while I’m at work.

While I’m in youth groups I need my carers to wait outside because confidentiality and safeguarding means they can’t be in the sessions, but I need them close by for when I need help with anything. My manager has said the organisation would arrange appropriate training and background checks if I need my carers in the room with me, but we both feel it would also be unfair to bring non queer adults with no experience working with queer youth into a queer youth group unless really necessary.

While I’m working in the office I prefer my carers to have more of a background role there too. It’s my workplace and I want to have as close to a “normal” experience there as I can. All my colleagues treat me like the competent adult I am and I really enjoy the independence I have there. I can talk to my colleagues about things I can’t really talk to my carers about (especially aspects of queerness) because I know my colleagues will get it. Having a carer right there in the room massively changes the dynamic.

Especially with That Carer. She views my workplace as somewhere to socialise and as an opportunity to demonstrate what a good ally she is. To do that she’ll just bring up horrific examples of queer phobia so she can say how wrong she thinks it is. We’ve told her before that it can be quite triggering to bring up constantly in a room of queer people where pretty much everyone has experienced hate crime but she won’t stop. She also loves to be the centre of attention which makes things difficult for me. Basically instead of supporting me to live my life the way I want to, she’s trying to live my life herself.

Yesterday evening after work (when I was totally shattered and really needed to be in bed) she came to me in tears because she didn’t like taking a background role while I’m at work. She said she wants to socialise with my colleagues more and said she feels rude not being friends with them. I assured her that no one thinks she’s being rude, just professional but that didn’t seem to help. She said she’s going to “reach boiling point” if I continue to have boundaries at work and don’t let her treat my workplace as her social life.

She then told me that I basically have three choices:

1) continue asking her to take a background role, but she said that would lead to her reaching “boiling point“ and having implied empirical outbursts while I’m at work

2) have get drop me off at work, leave me without care, and then come back later ( so I can’t put on or take off a jumper, get help with food and drink or my computer, take my as needed medication or deal with acute medical situations)

3) let her treat my workplace as a social club (and lose the really nice supportive environment I have there when she doesn’t)

None of my other carers have an issue with this. And when our service users bring carers and support workers, they always take a back seat and let the person they’re caring for get in with their lives. I can empathise with my carer being upset, and clearly she has stuff going on I don’t know about, but it’s so unfair to put it on me to manage her emotions. Letting me live my life is a huge part of her job and that requires boundaries especially while I’m at work.

I really need a break from her but I don’t get one until Friday

[loominggaia]

¿Los habitantes de drifter hollow saben que lilianne está con zov? Me imagino lo divertido de la situacion

(Translated with Google Translator)

Do the inhabitants of drifter hollow know that lilianne is with zov? I imagine how funny the situation is.

-----

(The following answer contains SPOILERS, so I will place it below a cut:)

The FGG actually does meet up with Lily and Zov again after some time, and they are totally shocked by what they see!

When Lily (Lilian) left the Hollow, she was a deeply troubled, suicidal woman with the mind of a helpless child. She didn't know how to live without her abusive husband Cheerio, and then Zeffer's death sent her completely over the edge. She was an emotional wreck, and she could not function in normal society at all. The Drifters sent her away to the Karenzans because her problems were so bad, they feared she would kill herself before they could help her.

When Zov left the Hollow, he was...quite frankly, batshit insane. A lifetime of physical and emotional trauma, hard drug abuse, and way too many concussions left him in a seemingly unsalvageable state. He suffered from debilitating psychosis that made him a danger to others, so he could not stay in the Hollow long-term. The Drifters doubted that even the Karenzans could handle him, but they were his only hope.

Lily and Zov spent a long time in Taybiya's Karenzan temple, learning from the priestesses and working very hard to grow as people. And when they returned to the Hollow for a visit...

Lily is no longer a child; she has grown into a responsible adult-minded woman who actually helps children for a living! (She works at an orphanage) She has honed her medical knowledge and now volunteers at clinics all over the world, saving children with vaccines and disaster relief efforts. Not only that, but she is happily married and has a child herself (Jennie). She has ascended to Karenzan priestess with a student of her own (Buddy), teaching them the way Patience taught her.

Meanwhile Zov, who was smearing literal shit on the walls last the Drifters saw him, is now a famous painter with distinguished degrees in fine arts, classical music theory, and literature. His psychosis is being properly managed with Zareenite medication. He leaves the Hollow as a crazed chimpanzee and returns as a refined gentleman, it's actually pretty hilarious...Even better, he has a loving wife and daughter, and through years of intense soul-searching he has gained the love and empathy he needs to take care of them. They take care of him in return, and they are all a happy family. Not a perfect family, but happy and successful nonetheless.

In fact, Lily and Zov are so successful that the Drifters end up feeling rather embarrassed about their own lives. They're like, "Damn...if those two fuckups could accomplish all that, what's our excuse?! They're touring the world while we're still slumming it in this dump! They have such a happy, functional relationship, why can't our relationships be like that??"

Because Lily and Zov worked their freaking asses off non-stop for years on end to get where they are, that's why!

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

Read the Series

[badaxefamily]

I have a very rare disease, hooray! Under a cut in case I ramble, not for content warning. I won't be talking about anything explicit.

It's official: I have hypophosphatasia, which is a genetic mutation that causes a deficiency of alkaline phosphatase (ALP) which is used for building bones and metabolizing vitamin B6 into energy, among other things.

Ever since I started getting my lab results mailed to me as an adult, I've had low ALP. But most doctors either only know about the more severe infantile form of HPP, or they don't know about it at all. So it's understandable that they always wrote something like "Low ALP isn't a concern", because most doctors only look for high ALP (which indicates liver problems). I'm accustomed to doing research into medical things, but even I didn't have reason to suspect HPP because most of the information (at least in the past) focused on the severe form.

I didn't look hard enough. Childhood-onset HPP is a thing and it isn't fatal, just painful and annoying. And that's what I have. The signs were there as a kid: disliking standing, finding it easier to walk than stand, difficulty with stairs, "growing pains", less energy and muscle strength than my peers. But none severe enough to catch the attention of teachers or pediatricians. In the US you can only get treatment if symptoms presented before 18 (adult-onset is also a thing but the FDA doesn't care about those people*), so when I was gathering data for the endocrinologist I thought back to my childhood for anything out of the ordinary. One memory that stood out to the doctor and my case managers was the time my classmate broke his leg in fourth grade. He had crutches, and - as our rural school somehow managed to be fairly progressive and inclusive in 1993 - he chose to allow the rest of us to try them, so we could have empathy for him. When I tried them, I remember feeling relief. I though this was cool, there was less weight on my legs but I could still move! It did not occur to me that that isn't a normal thing for a ten-year-old to think. I think it was the pharmacy case manager that went "OH" at this memory.

So HPP is at least a major contributor to my ongoing struggles with chronic fatigue and weakness. It may not be the only one, but it needs to be treated even if only to protect my bones as I get older. ALP is needed to metabolize vitamin B6 as well as make bones though, and Strensiq (a lab-created form of ALP) is known to break down B6. It's so good at it in fact that you can't really get a B6 blood test to be accurate if you're on Strensiq, because the drug will keep eating the B6 in the vial! So we're hopeful that Strensiq will make me feel better, even though it's really made with people with soft bones in mind. The fact that I haven't broken a bone going up the stairs like many people do may make it difficult to get Medicare to approve the prescription. Thankfully, not only am I perfectly willing to fight about it, I have a team to fight alongside me. HPP is so rare that the manufacturer and pharmacy for Strensiq have enough resources to assign each patient case managers to assist with everything from insurance to learning about the drug and how to take it (it's a subcutaneous injection), and also there's Soft Bones, the largest patient advocacy group for HPP in the US. I've already touched base with them and they're standing ready to assist if needed.

Also Alexion sent me this frickin adorable kids' book with the information packet:

*Forgot the note I was going to add about this. The reason the FDA doesn't authorize Strensiq for adult-onset is probably because studies didn't show as dramatic an improvement for adults compared to kids. But I think that's stupid. For one thing the disease is rare so studies are always small and there aren't very many of them. For another, of course the improvement in kids is more dramatic, their disease is more severe. Japan is the only country that allows Strensiq for adult-onset, as far as I'm aware.

[sarasa-cat]

Feeling behind on EVERYTHING thanks to probably-almost-definitely COVID recovery.

If left to my own devices, I sleep for 13.5 hours all in one go, just dead to the world oh so dead, not waking up for anything. That makes fitting everything else in a little bit difficult.

All that is really left is:

a. Managing the inflammation from low-grade viral-induced asthma which is definitely a thing I have experience with and do not enjoy.

b. Giving my body whatever time it needs to recover which means if sleep is what is on the menu during the best weather of the year (where I am) well, fml, but that is how it is gonna be.

In short, I'm going to be a bit flaky with being online for the rest of this month. Sometimes I will be VERY online as in EXCEEDINGLY online, and then other days I'll be making the best of what time I have to keep Life/Work/Shit moving forward and will probably seem like a ghost.

Low-grade viral induced asthma talk will commence here:

So, it is really simple: many different kinds of viruses can set off viral-induced asthmatic swelling of the airways. After the virus is long dead, the swelling persists. Fun times. 🙃

Normally, these days, if I am in a micro-climate that is dry enough** (I'm not talking desert bone dry, although I do like it, but just Not Perpetually Damp And Moldy), I just let all of my asthma medications expire at the bottom of an overstuffed medical-junk drawer in the bathroom. The only thing I take daily is a cocktail of OTC allergies meds.

When viruses attack --- as in the common cold, flu, etc. --- I dust those bad boys off and get on top of things as fast as possible while also making a point of AVOIDING ANY kind of irritating particulate air pollution that will set it off or make it worse. Cheap wet wood smoke? Neighbor's stank-ass BBQ? Get that shit outta my life.

The better course of action is the slow and boring kind: cancel the next 3 weeks of activities and just let it calm down with inhaled corticosteroids. But, if things get really bad or I am desperate need of immediate relief because my schedule cannot accommodate 3 weeks of doing very little followed by 2 more weeks of regaining my prior-to-attack aerobic stamina, I just break the glass and pop open the steroid step-down pack. Fast and effective, but annoying side effects can also occur.

Right now I have decided that things aren't bad enough for the BIG GUNS and that I can (grumbling grumbling grumbling) sorta afford to be on my ass for 3 weeks. But hooboy, I am not having a good time of it. (Oh, and that, that upcoming 10k fundraiser I had originally planned on staggering through? my participation is entirely, completely, no questions asked cancelled).

What I really want to do is just sit outside in a hot and dry place and let my whole body dry out. You might laugh but I am not joking about the power of that speeding things up. Unfortunately, despite it being august and living in a place that is definitely feeling the effects of global warming, it doesn't get hot enough here to be bathing suit weather under the baking hot sun. But, taking a picnic blanket+basket and a sketchbook to spread out under a tree in a park does sound like a good idea for tomorrow and Saturday (while dressed in long pants, t-shirt, and light cotton sweater).

Anyhow, for now I am taking the SLOW recovery route because I don't have anything forcing me to wage hardcore steroidal warfare on my body, which is precisely what the prednisone does.

But that means I will be flaky because my time is constrained. Some days I'll just say "fuck it" and have a sick day in bed with my laptop or phone and I'll be exceedingly online. Other days I'll make the best of the time I have to do all the adulting that still needs to be done by me, to get actual work done, or to make careful use of energy to (at this pace) inch-worm my way through the epic KonMari of various shit in my house & home-office/studio that needs to be organized.

This is really annoying and not how I planned on spending my august --- which is actually my favorite month of the year! But, oh well. OH WELL.

oh well.

[makorays]

I'm curious if its ok to ask about how it is to be bipolar like do you feel different or anything? have you always been bipolar? how do you know you have it?

you'll want to get a psychological evaluation done, it's how i got diagnosed. but even without a diagnosis i probably could've figured it out. this is a chart i made of how my overall mood felt on a scale from 0 to 10 on every day of 2022 and 2023. anything below that red line in the middle is when my mood is low enough to make accomplishing anything more than super basic tasks very difficult.

i actually really wish i had another chart to compare mine to, because uh, i'm PRETTY SURE this isn't normal. see how i'll like, have a string of good days, but then all of a sudden i flip and feel like absolute garbage for a bit?

bipolar is characterized by one's mood shifting in and out of hypomania and depression with little to no apparent cause. it typically doesn't manifest until adulthood. starting from when i was an adult, i kept feeling super super depressed without having any idea why, i'd always search my head to see if there was anything weighing on me at the time but i always came up short. or if i DID find something to be upset about, it was only on my mind AFTER the bad feelings already hit, and the bad feelings made me ruminate on the upsetting thought and feel hopeless.

imagine being so happy for a couple of days that you accomplish everything you wanted to do that week, music feels more amazing than usual, everything is exciting, you love the world and everyone and yourself and everything is great.

now imagine waking up after one of those days and having the first thought of the morning being "god i want to die." not a single apparent reason for it, you were feeling fine the night before, but all of a sudden everything is just wrong. everything hurts. you feel so weak that you have to muster up strength just to do basic household chores. you don't care about anything. all of your dreams, everything you've spent your life working for, all of it feels completely pointless. even if you had the motivation to work on something, you certainly don't have the energy. the simple act of moving your body starts to feel like you're swimming through black sludge. your personality shifts and you become a worse person because you're filled head to toe with pain and apathy and you have zero energy to deal with anyone's shit. your brain starts dedicating a ton of resources to inject you with raw suffering. you know that feeling you get when you hit your knee against a sharp corner? when a romantic partner breaks up with you? when someone manages to insult you in a way that hits every single insecurity you have? y'know...Pain? imagine feeling JUST that pain, without any of those things to cause it. imagine your default state is not one of neutrality, but of suffering. imagine a voice in your head, indistinguishable from yourself (because it IS you, just not a you you'd like to be) starts mocking you, calling you pathetic, telling you you've wasted your life and you'll never find happiness. imagine being so used to this voice that you've pretty much gotten a total handle on how to silence it, but silencing it does nothing for all the wordless pain you're also feeling. imagine clearing your head of all your worries, searching for that inner peace that normally acts as the bedrock to your mind, and finding it to have been replaced by a fundamental sensation of wrongness. imagine feeling so trapped in the torture chamber that is your head that you start asking yourself which wall of your bedroom would be most optimal for bashing your skull through. imagine questioning how it could be possible for anyone to be forged this broken. imagine being so intimately familiar with the chronic psychic pain that your only logical options are to either suppress it with medication or kill yourself.

now imagine going back to that other version of yourself, the happy one, the one whose brain tells them everything's fine. imagine starting to pull your life together, making more complex and healthy meals, working out every day or two, practicing skills, making progress with projects, and then imagine suddenly and completely losing all motivation to continue doing any of that because another inevitable downswing hits. imagine watching your muscles go back to how they were before you started working out because you literally do not have enough willpower in your entire body to do it consistently while in this state of mind.

so imagine now that there are two versions of you. one of them is living a happy life, making progress, pursuing his dreams, enjoying his time. but then there's this OTHER you, who always trips and falls back down the stairs you worked so hard to climb, who has spent their entire life feeling chronically depressed for no reason, and they're starting to get tired of it. the happy you starts to show up less and less, and the sad you gets to go further and further through their character arc. except, if you're anything like me, that storyline ends in suicide. you have to not give that version of you what they want, no matter how powerful their voice becomes, no matter how badly they want it, no matter how sick and tired they are of having to deal with this, no matter how much suffering they are experiencing. you have to keep torturing them, force them to live, until you can find the right medication to kill them in a way where they won't take your better half down with them.

and i should clarify, this is not multiple personality disorder. i'm still "me" whenever my shifts happen, the different voices in my head are just how i describe my conflicting thoughts. i am a democracy of neurons whose job is to make sure the dark and irrational neurons get outvoted. unfortunately, i can only influence the ones i am conscious of.

anyway hopefully these meds work :)

[serenaoculis]

i think my dandruff is a great metaphor for a lot of my mental problems... actually just like. my problems. in general.

you see, i have really nasty dandruff, for reasons that i still haven't managed to figure out, nor get medical help for. for a very long time my hair and scalp has just been characterised by white flakes that fall in front of my eyes every time i tilt my head and make me feel pretty bad, really gross, and (risking a bit of exaggeration) kind of. subhuman.

i handle this with very specific ways of just. aggressively cleaning my scalp whenever i get the opportunity (and when my depression isn't acting up), occasionally rinsing my hair with water when i see my dandruff acting up, and covering my head when i'm having a really shit day and don't want to worsen it by watching white flakes fall in front of me and people giving me weird looks for them.

old fatman says things like "you could easily solve that by just shaving your head", every time following it up with a mocking follow-up, sardonically saying "but i get it's a part of your identity" in an exhasperated tone and without turning to look at me. other, less evil people, give me a number of recommendations. some of my family members tell me to cut it shorter, which i don't want to do, but like, i get where they're coming from. i also have both friends and family suggesting routines to better take care of my hair and stuff, not only to deal with the dandruff but also to get it looking nicer, since i have pretty nice hair that i am just pretty bad at taking care of.

but like, when i look around me, and i see other people with long hair or hair that has similar complications to mine... when i look at other people who are ostensibly depressed, their hair isn't like... this bad. their scalp doesn't start flaking if it goes a day without a deep rinsing. and sometimes it makes me wonder: is this much dandruff *normal*? do most people have to push themselves to constantly *dealing with* their own body in order to avoid mistreatment, intentional or not, from those surrounding them?

my friends, and let them be blessed with lifelong prosperity and tranquility, because that is what they have brought into my life, but also... sometimes they'll point out a thing in my face or my head and look at me with the kind of face they look at something that they don't really want to be looking at. and i know they don't mean it, i really do. but i still cover my head for them.

my dandruff is hard to keep under control. it begs for specific circumstances, for me to be in the emotional state and have the energy required to give my scalp a deep washing. it requires my household to have water that day, which with water rations in Bogotá is something that sometimes doesn't overlap with me having the energy to wash myself down. for me, it requires time and effort to keep it under control, and if i don't, i have to hide it as best as i can or be looked upon with contempt. she's an adult, yet she can't wash her own head. she's careless. she's gross. all that.

...the reason why i compare this with my mental illness, particularly ADHD but also the tendency i have to get tremendous moodswings at random times for reasons i don't really know the specifics of, is because it's useful as a metaphor. you see, dandruff is physical. it is not a behaviour i have, or a state of mind i go into. it is literal white flakes falling down from my scalp every time i move my head.

however, the principle is quite similar.

how i manage my ADHD depends on factors both within and without my control. it varies depending on the day, on the way i've been feeling recently, and on a hundred other factors i can't even say i fully understand.

and yet, just like my mood swings, or (in fact) my dandruff, this nuance is lost on bystanders, so i end up having two choices:

wait to see if i can deal with it, try making it better in whatever way i can, and keep it a little under control, at the expense of limited energy which i have to spend doing other things which are fundamental for achieving anything in my position,

or hide it, and wait until i (maybe) get another opportunity to deal away with it in the near future, trying to participate in as little activities that require me to use my focus as possible so that no one will notice something's up.

and like. to me, this seems really unfair. it's really shitty that i have to wrangle myself into a vessel that vaguely resembles that which society accepts in order to be accepted as human. humans are complicated. humans are like me a lot of the time. but i have to hide what i am because people have been convinced for an immense amount of time that it is wrong to be like me.

but people expect a baseline of normalcy and presentability in others, like it or not. it's what our society has been built up to be for our whole lives, and not everyone is deconstructing that as actively as you or i could be.

and so, even if it's harder for me to look like a standard member of society than most people, i'm not really afforded the choice.

because if i don't do that, people are going to be able to tell, and judge me for it.

just like they do when there's white flakes falling down from my scalp.

thanks for reading.