#and honestly it really makes everything worse instead of adding some sort of luxury to my routine
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h-f-k · 1 year ago
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i get that sometimes luxury skin care sometimes is better but why the FUCK would i like to feel like i'm putting perfume on my face?
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dourpeep · 3 years ago
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Seeing people complaining about the lack of anniversary rewards is getting so tiring. The game's ratings dropped to like 2 on Google play, all comment sections of official accounts are full of complaints. I know and understand that people are upset but it's just so so tiring to the point where I unfollowed most accounts that aren't related to fanart or fanfiction because of all that negativity
I personally spent (a little) money on the game so I get where p2w players come from but idk. I saw that we didn't get anything and moved on pretty quickly. Maybe that's just me, idk
Maybe you have a different view on this and if so, I'd like to hear it
Sorry for ranting in your inbox
hehe no need to apologize because I have quite a bit to say myself nodnod
Read if you like, don't if you don't--this is just my opinions and stuff based off my experience knowing Eastern gatcha games as well as talking about using a 5* vs 4* of the same build + slot
This got kinda long ehe-
Like really long.
Anyway
My turn for a Hot Take (tm)
Yeah I understand this--I've been feeling so drained and my enjoyment of the game and writing has diminished immensely because all I see everywhere is just that.
I understand that the event rewards suck but at the same time? I realize how gacha aren't really popular here in the West--and I have seen a lot of comparison between Genshin and Cookie Run but they're also two entirely different genres despite both being gacha. Not to mention that Cookie Run is fast at first until you get to around uhh Kingdom lvl 37~~ and you're stuck and can't go forward because things cost too many materials or your cookies aren't strong enough even though you have several stars on your team consisting of epics built as optimally as possible-
So the maintenance rewards for Cookie Run have been the only significant amount of gems I've been getting for a few weeks now compared to when I first started and could do 10 roll after 10 roll.
Also also, Cookie Run is PvP (arena, guilds, etc). Being able to get more rolls is absolutely a gamechanger. If you can't get a good defense cookie or healer cookie, you're fucked.
So!! That's why Cookie Run is more generous with rolls. You're not going to want to keep fighting other people in the Arena or doing Guild stuff if they don't add in those generous rewards.
On the other hand, Genshin Impact is an open world rpg w/ co-op (note, co-op doesn't count as pvp because you're collaborating) where you can build pretty much any of the characters to be viable (dps/vampire Barbara is one major example, Noelle is a guarantee roll character for that beginner's banner and she can easily be built to be a tank/healer/dps to fill whatever slot you desire)
So they're not going to be incredibly generous w/ rewards because the characters you have--meta or not--don't really effect your ability to play the game (unless we're talking spiral abyss which really is considered endgame anyway) when you're able to get at least one character of each element for free I mean, you start out with traveler who can be anemo, geo, or electro once you get to the respective places, Amber, Kaeya, Lisa, Barbara (iirc, you need to get to rank 20?), Xiangling (complete spiral abyss floor 3), and Noelle (reduced cost 10roll w/ guaranteed Noelle).
Which would be one of each element and a variety of one of the 5 weapon types nodnod.
Time to talk about builds and why it's not necessary to have a 5* unlike in other gatcha games like Cookie Run (again, a kingdoms builder) before going back to the anniversary stuff
But continuing, like Eula is considered a fantastic 5* character who features a kit that is based around her being a physical damage character. My sibling, C, has her built and she does some insane damage.
On the other hand, I have Xinyan built as a physical dps and if you were to compare their damage?
With crit, C's Eula deals 9k to 14k with Skyward Pride (5* claymore w/ energy recharge substat). With crit, my Xinyan deals 8k to 13k with Song of Broken Pines (5* claymore w/ phys substat) OR 7k to 10k with Prototype Archaic (4* craftable claymore w/ attack substat).
Both C and I agree that they're pretty evenly-matched in the sense of damage output.
We have similar builds focusing on physical damage, however, C's Eula uses 4pc Pale Flame and my Xinyan uses 2pc Bloodstained, 2pc Pale Flame (both have the 25% phys damage bonus for the 2pc). It's also good to note that both their Eula and my Xinyan have a physical dmg % cup.
So just by stacking up more phys on Xinyan, you get a physical dps (with some elemental support capabilities due to her E and Q) you can easily make her deal consistent, reliable damage that is comparable to a fully built Eula. Ofc, I'm sacrificing Xinyan's shield, but since she's built to be a physical dps, it doesn't matter anyway.
Another thing is Zhongli is an incredible shield support. His shield?? Absolutely insane because it's based off his hps. Guess who else has a hp-based shield and heals??? Diona. Another incredibly good support 4* with a shield and healing would be Noelle!
But with Diona, specifically since I did kinda cover over Noelle already, she can easily be built along with her shield having over 100% uptime (like how Zhongli has over 100% uptime). The fact that Diona is also a healer definitely is a perk too.
Ofc the difference with this is that Zhongli can be built as a burst support/dps while Diona is not. But the point isn't that--the point is that you don't need a 5* shield support to have a good, reliable shield support.
But regardless of 4* or 5*, to get a viable character, you need to build them well. So if your character isn't doing satisfactory damage, you just have to take a quick peek at what artifacts they're running and fix as needed!
Another thing--
Talking about the rewards and stuff for the anniversary-
Generally, gatcha games aren't really that generous with rewards and instead usually have some sort of event. In this case, I'm pretty sure that Moonchase is considered a part of the anniversary which is why it's giving so many rewards- just the primos from the first day alone with the chests and quest was enough for two rolls (40 chests * 5 primos each + 60 from the quest and a few that I forgot where they come from but are from the event) as well as the 4* Luxurious Sea Lord claymore.
Before you say that it's shitty for them to make a festival into the anniversary event, I'm certain that people would complain if the anniversary rewards were just a little more than the 10x fates and stuff and that's it because it'd feel like they're skipping over the anniversary entirely. (keep in mind, festivals don't normally give this much stuff in terms of primogems from what we've experienced so far--they're mainly focused on the free event weapon you can get and build like with Festering Desire, Windborne Ode, Dodoco Tales)
Also companies love taking advantage of festivals to make an event bigger + more fleshed out. It'd be otherwise kinda boring to have to just log in every day for a week (not to mention, not everyone does that) and encourages players to play to get rewards.
yeah, that's supposed to work in their favor because they want to keep interest.
So the fact that there's a lot of backlash on everything going on is tiring and also?? I want to make the point that they'll only listen to so much. Getting heard is important, but there will be a point where Mihoyo will just stop listening to the players entirely because all they're getting is a constant barrage of "this event is the worst" "no one likes that character" "(insert character) when???" "okay but where's (blank) rerun?" pasted over the forums, discord, twitter, facebook, instagram--
You can't keep demanding more while also talking shit constantly about the new stuff added because then they'll just not add those new stuff because we (general) seem to never be satisfied.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if they end up just cutting Genshin Impact as a loss entirely if this continues as it has and gets even worse.
But I digress.
Anyway, I agree that it sucks that the daily login rewards for the anniversary are just cut and pasted from the Lantern Rite, but as someone who's played a lot of gatcha games, it's pretty much the standard.
Have a daily sign in for rewards and a big event featuring a ton of stuff you can get instead of having an 'official' anniversary event.
I'm sure there's a lot I'm missing because it's not coming to mind, but yeah. These are my general thoughts on what's happening with the discourse.
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jcs-writing-hell · 5 years ago
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@my lovely anon | thanks for requesting & sorry for the delay but when I got your request my app bugged & I couldn’t read what you wanted for like a day
Junior Trio/JL centered | Category: Hurt/Comfort | Keyword: Mishap/Slip of tongue(or so xD) | kinda deep & angsty | Word Count: 2441
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Jiang Cheng had tried his best, Jin Ling was completely aware of that.
Other than what most knew of Jiang Cheng, Jin Ling had really started to see how his uncle truly cared for him.
It started almost instantly after Jin GuangYao died, the back & forth & pulling on Jin Ling. At the time he was around 16, his mental state a mess - yet with the mess the Jin Sect, once again, ended up in.. Who cared about his emotions? Well, Jiang Cheng did.
Jin Ling slowly healed, at least on the surface, while his maternal uncle tried his best to cover his back. Making up excuse after excuse, with them ranging from "He has just lost his uncle.", to "He is too young." & if anyone tried to dare say "But you were" Jiang Cheng made sure to clarify that the times had been different, that the youths nowadays didn't have the pressure and experience they had had back in the day.
-
Jiang Cheng had tried his best, Jin Ling was both thankful and aware of that.. yet sooner or later, of course, things couldn't go on that way. With 17 he had started to take extra lessons, less physical training, just to get the history & knowledge he needed to be the new leader memorized. And then, now, with almost 18 Jiang Cheng also had run out of plausible excuses. The last thing his uncle had managed was to invite his friends before his ceremony where he'd be first shown off as the "new face of the Jin Sect", "the person that'll finally, for real this time, bring a true change",..
Needless to say that Jin Ling was stressed. He felt exhausted, strangely enough growing more lonely by day - just like he'd been in his early childhood.
Even his friends, that were adults by then & had brought Emperors Smile in mass along, couldn't quite drown out the fact that.. Jin Ling felt like a toy & as the most important day of his life so far came closer fast without his parents..
Jin Ling didn't even take note of the fact that his friends had disappeared at first. They were camping out & he had one of his moments again where his heart ached, chest tight & air hard to catch in his lungs. Poking around in the fire, he couldn't help but question again.. If all of that was what he wanted with his life. That he shouldn't think that way, because even if his mind would say "no", he had no right to say so. How he was supposed to lead a sect so wrecked & scary as the LanLing Jin Sect.. If his fate was the same as the crooked one of his ancestors, which honestly scared him to death.
His friends had done a pretty good job over all so far though when it came to both distracting and comforting him - not that he really admitted what was going on, or wrong. Due to that, as Jin Ling finally noticed neither Sizhui nor Jingyi being around he grew understandably worried and got up to search for them. He also managed to find them within no time, yet.. what he heard really.. got his blood to boil.
,,Do you have an idea what we could try still, A-Yi? I don’t think we’re really being of much help..” Sizhui was clearly worried, Jingyi however acted and sounded a bit too much like his “jerk” self.
,,I know we wanted to help him.. I mean, we barely got to meet him for like a year now, but.. Don’t you think he has enough help already? Or in general, what are we supposed to help him with? I mean, you also don’t have parents, but to be frank - Doesn’t he have everything else one could dream off? Money, support from pretty much everyone, a bright future ahead of him.. What are the chances that we’d be able to do for him that he doesn’t have already?”
Sizhui was just about to give his friend a good beating as both of the Lan’s flinched quite hard when Jin Ling stepped - quite literally - out of the shadows, his tone full of betrayal, rage and frustration.
,,Do you think that’s what I want? Do you actually think that I want any of that, after all that our way of living caused? Don’t you think I’d rather have my parents, or just one of them, instead of all the money and maidens and luxury items on this world? You know what? Forget it. Who even cares. Thanks, thanks a lot.”
,,A-Ling-” Sizhui’s try to call out for the youngest lead nowhere; all the latter did was lift up a hand in almost a warning like manner as he had already turned and began to storm off. ,,That was really not necessary, A-Yi.. When will you ever learn to think before you speak?”
,,Stop acting like it’s not the truth that we can’t help him. That we can’t give him what he wants or needs either.” Jingyi snapped back as the oldest glared at him, only to get another glare directed at him before Sizhui walked off as well while saying in an upset tone.
,,What he needs right now are at least his friends with all the things that are missing in his life - that he should have in his life at such a moment in time. You could do at least that much for him without worrying about whether or not it’ll bear fruit before you even properly tried.”
~💙~
It took a while before the Lan’s found the other sitting in front of a lake against a tree. He looked worryingly gone out and upset, in truth though not half as much as he actually was. Pushing Jingyi forwards, the younger Lan spoke up in a tone so awkward and hesitant.
,,Uhm.. I.. I just wanted to say that.. I shouldn’t have said what I did.. not behind your back especially.. I.. I’m sorry.”
,,It’s not even really your fault.. It’s just..” Jin Ling started, only to stop a few words in - causing both Lan’s to exchange a worried look before Sizhui sat down; dragging the other Lan with him.
,,A-Ling.. What’s wrong? You’re not quite.. yourself, or more how you were a few years ago..”
Jin Ling only briefly looked at Sizhui, who spoke in a carefully gentle tone, turning slightly away from them at the end as he stared at his hand that was resting above the leg he had bend at the knee. A bit of time passed before he began to open up, not talking too loudly and with pauses here and there.
,,The problem is more.. What isn’t wrong? The closer my ceremony and 18th birthday come.. I don’t know, there’s just a lot of pressure.. Ever since I can think, even when at the time still both of my uncles sheltered and pampered me.. I was always.. The nephew of, the son of, the future sect leader..”
Both of the Lan’s heads dropped, but especially Jingyi didn’t dare look at either of his friends as he fiddled with a piece of his robe in such an ashamed manner.
,,I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my sect, already now.. It’s so.. wrecked, cursed.. How am I supposed to lead this complete and utter mess with people around me that don’t care if it keeps running that way or not. Or with the only person I have left still living hours away, in charge of a sect of his own.. And in between they only keep adding pressure and pressure.. The first time someone gave me letters with maidens that would be good for my sect’s sake to marry was years ago, now they really want me to find a wife - if possible yesterday..”
Jin Ling turned his head as he heard a few muffled noises, only to see that Sizhui held his hand over Jingyi’s mouth - more than likely to stop the latter from saying something inappropriate yet understandable like “What do you even want with a wife already?”, or so.
,,And what do you want, A-Ling?”- To both of the Lan’s shock and surprise all the youngest could give as a response for quite a while were empty stares, then shrugging and shaking his head before he said what they could gather already at this point.
,,I don’t know.. There’s a part of me that when I try to think about it.. does its hardest to stop me from doing so.. Even if I would find an answer, what would it change or matter? I don’t even know who I am deep down inside, apart from the son and what not of.. Even looking back now, to how I behaved from early on.. I tried often to run away. And yeh, honestly even I can’t say A-Yi’s misstress nickname doesn’t somehow fit me.. but it wasn’t that, I ran to have some sort of freedom.. Only to ultimately hide behind what everyone always hides and excuses everything with when it comes to me - or even in front of me.. my title, my heritage, my role in life..”
Jin Ling paused, clenching the hand he kept staring at into a rather tight fist. ,,Who am I.. What do I want.. I know neither and I’m afraid to find a answer for both, knowing it doesn’t matter..”
Neither of the 3 knew what to respond to that and Jin Ling couldn’t blame his friends for being at a loss. He was himself, but more than anything he was so.. so incredibly confused and empty deep down inside.
,,Have you tried talking to your uncle before? .. I mean.. Wasn’t he in an even worse situation?”
,,The last thing I want is to sound childish and irresponsible.. even worse: make him worry, A-Yi.” The youngest said as he let out a breath far too heavy for a boy in his age. He didn’t know what to do, and even if Jiang Cheng had changed a lot to the better the past few years since the temple incident.. Jin Ling was still worried about how to approach his uncle, really not wanting to disappoint at the end of the day.
,,There aren’t all too many that know about this, but I was raised to take over the Gusu Lan Sect; just in case… Not that anyone dares to think of a nightmare huge enough to happen for Master Qiren, Zewu-Jun and Hanguang-Jun to die, but.. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is.. If this scenario would happen, and I’d be left with nothing but the ashes of my sect.. I would rebuild it entirely, change the things that are going wrong already in its core..”
,,That’s not a bad idea, A-Yuan.. If I got it right you were trying to say that our little mistress should completely clean up the mess his sect is, right?”
Sizhui nodded before looking at Jin Ling who looked as lost in thought as he was.
,,Maybe I should talk to my uncle after all..” Jin Ling then finally said, hesitantly turning back around so he could look at his friends that wore confused expressions - not that he could blame them. ,,I might not know a lot currently, but I know for sure that I don’t want to lead the LanLing Jin Sect how it is now.. It would be mildly risky, yet..”
,,Stop torturing us and speak properly already!” Jingyi whined, getting nudged in the side from the older Lan for that.
,,It might be quite the gamble, yet I know they won’t be able to disagree.. I will need some help though, definitely.. I think I.. I think I will set up this massive plan where I tell the elders of the LanLing Jin Sect that I will only take it over if it’s under my own terms. Be it the throwing out of disciples and so forth, close examinations of each member so what happened in the past will remain there.. Closer bonds to the other sects, more openness,.. I also have the birthright to decide how I want the relationship with Yunmeng Jiang to turn out..”
As half-confident as Jin Ling might’ve sounded, he could feel his heart race, hands shake and palms grow sweaty from all the nervousness; paired with this weirdly thrilling rush. His mind was going all sorts of places, no dark ones for once - to the point where he needed a minute or two maybe before realising that his friends looked at him.. like he had gone nuts, while they looked like they were in the process of doing so themselves.
,,But what if they-”
,,We will definitely help you, A-Ling! Whatever support you need, I know most sects will be willing to agree.”
Jin Ling felt his own lips and teeth hurt from how hard Sizhui had slammed his hand once again over Jingyi’s lips as the latter had tried to say something rather understandable - that could cause his mood to go downhill again.
At the end they all nodded.. before awkward silence spread between them as none knew what to do or say now.. Or well, at least until Sizhui spoke up again, his tone giving away that there’d be no chance to say "no", or even argue.
,,That calls for a group hug.”
,,Forget it!” For once Jingyi and Jin Ling were in sync, even sharing the same opinion.. just like a moment later when their expressions distorted into both fear and horror as Sizhui’s turned into one so spine-chilling similar to Lan Wangji’s.
,,Group. Hug. Now.” Even his tone was.. scarier than anything Jiang Cheng could manage - For the sakes of their young lives, the two younger ones then simply spread their arms in defeat as Sizhui pulled them together.. In one of the many group hugs he forced them into secretly; usually and mostly when drunk though.
A few moments into the hug Jin Ling glanced down at Sizhui who had turned out to be quite a bit smaller than him over the years.. and as guessed, the oldest looked up at him and winked. Jin Ling only smiled a shy one..
Yet as several minutes later they had returned back to their fireplace it was more than evident that the super glue of their group - Sizhui - had done a pretty good job at comforting him.. And Jingyi had also done his usual small amount, even if it was only provoking Jin Ling until he finally spilled what was going wrong; which Jin Ling couldn’t quite believe was accidental, neither that day or on any other.
-
Check out my MDZS Writing Game | Requests open anytime
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delta-roseblr · 6 years ago
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It Is Here People!!!!
Delix’s first time!
Thank the snow because it gave me the day off from work and I spent it editing.
Warning: This Fic contains smut (Duh). It also contains cursing and two insecure boys. It is also long as fuck (as Felix would say)
I hope you love it and that it was worth the wait!
Why am I fucking this up? Dean wondered as he gave Felix a tour of the house. He wanted it to go well, but Felix was clearly uncomfortable (which was probably his fault), and every time he said something it felt like a jab. Dean had known this was going to be awkward, and he thought he was prepared, but he wasn’t. Instead of just dealing or maybe trying to explain his nontraditional homelife, he just got defensive and kept sounding like an asshole. He was honestly surprised that they made it to his bedroom without Felix telling him to fuck off and straight up leaving.
If there was anywhere in his house that Dean felt most like himself it was his room, but as he pushed open the door, he felt like he was walking up to the gallows. Felix was a half a step behind him and walked into the room silently. He had been quiet since noticing the recycling bin full of liquor bottles which Dean still couldn’t believe he had fucking forgot to take care of.
Dean turned and just sort of watched as Felix looked around. He examined the books stacked on Dean’s desk, looked around at the few posters and pictures Dean had hanging on the walls and ran his fingers over Dean’s comforter. Dean watched all of it feeling completely nauseous because it drove home something he had never fully realized before: Felix was completely at odds with everything else in Dean’s life. Felix was the human personification of quality. He made Dean think of reading The Great Gatsby (which he hated) because there was all that talk of the old rich vs. the new rich. Felix was like the essence of the old rich: he wasn’t flashy or over the top, but everything about Felix had a quiet sort of luxury. Seeing Felix standing there with his perfect hair and his casual clothes that all came from stores Dean didn’t have enough money to even walk into, Dean wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry at the absurdity of it. It was like driving a Lexus through a Burger King drive-thru.
“So now you’ve seen everything…..,” Dean admitted as he pushed his hands into his pocket. Dean wanted to find the nearest Time Lord and hijack his TARDIS, so he could go back in time and stop this entire thing from ever happening.
Felix looked toward him curiously and that only made Dean feel worse. This was a horrible fucking idea, Dean thought as he looked away because it was all just too much. “I could take you home if you want,” he offered softly. He told himself not to come into this day with any expectations, and he didn’t, but he still felt disappointed as he spoke those words.
“Why would I want that?” Felix questioned, and he sounded panicked. Dean was sure he was just trying to cover his relief but then he looked up and saw Felix staring back at him wide-eyed. “I thought we were going to…..,” Felix stopped abruptly. Dean didn’t get it but suddenly he seemed unsure or insecure as he looked around the room with uncertainty. “Hang out.”
Dean got the distinct impression that “hang out” wasn’t what Felix had originally wanted to say. He couldn’t blame Felix for backtracking because now he could obviously see Dean came with a shit ton of baggage and shouldn’t be his first. Dean was disappointed sure, but he couldn’t blame Felix for that, and he wasn’t going to make him feel bad about it either. He looked down at his shoes because eye contact was just too fucking hard, “Yeah, I just-” was giving you an out, Dean thought but didn’t manage to get out.
“Dude,” Felix interrupted sharply catching Dean’s attention and forcing his eyes upward. Felix was staring back at him with fire in his eyes. “Did you really think I’d care that your poor or whatever?” Felix asked sounding absolutely offended. “Do you really think I’m that fucking shallow?”
Alright, now Dean was just confused on top of all the other emotions he was feeling. He was honestly surprised he hadn’t physically exploded from the overload of different emotions. He shook his head before starting to stumble through an apology or an explanation or something, “No, I just-”
“Dean,” Felix cut him off again with a raised hand and a dismissive shake of his head, “I come from the upper-middle-class suburbia that makes it to the cover of Home and Garden magazines, and I can fucking assure you that the problems may be different, but there are just as many, and they’re just as fucked up.” Dean found himself a little taken back because he hadn’t realized his insecurities were so obvious. Maybe it was just that Felix knew him that well, which was kind of sweet, but also left Dean feeling sort of worse about not just being honest about all of it sooner. “I could not give less of a fuck about where you’re from or what tax bracket your parents, or dad, or whatever is in,” Felix stated firmly. With that he paused, took a breath and something about him seemed to soften visibly before he continued, “What matters is that I can have a twenty-five minute argument with you about French fries which somehow turned into a contest to see who could shove the most fries in their mouth, and that you’ll play Halo with me and say Red vs. Blue quotes the entire time-”
“Well,” Dean interrupted softly because he had never been good at taking compliments, “I suck at Halo so going for the comedy relief seems like a good way to save face.”
“You don’t suck that bad, you just always want to use the energy sword,” Felix explained with a smile and a little laugh, “There are better weapons.”
Dean couldn’t have anticipated how much of a relief it would be to simply see Felix smile. He felt like he could really breathe since they had first walked into the door. It still wasn’t perfect, far from it actually, but it was better. If he could just keep Felix smiling and laughing Dean felt like he could deal with the whole thing. “Most of the Red vs. Blue quotes I know are Tucker lines so the sword kind of goes with the bit,” he explained a little teasingly. It worked because Felix laughed again, and Dean was reminded how amazing Felix’s laugh was.
“Dude, you are kind of proving my point here,” Felix stated, “You make me laugh and call me out when I’m being an asshole, but you never hold it against me.” He took a step forward closing some of the distance that seemed to exist between them. That helped too, and Dean could feel his blood pressure dropping to something more manageable by humans. “You have to be the smartest, fun, sincere person I have ever met,” Felix reached out and hooked a finger in Dean’s belt and pulled him in before he could react. Dean certainly couldn’t complain when Felix’s soft lips brushed against his own, and as an added benefit, he was sure the kissing helped mask his blushing.
It ended just as Dean felt himself giving into it. Felix pulled away and let out a content sounding hum. “Also, it doesn’t hurt that you're hot,” Felix added with a grin.
“Oh I see, the pot calling the kettle black,” Dean deflected with a good-natured laugh. He brought a hand up and rubbed at the back of his neck nervously as he asked, “So I guess your cool with hanging out here than?”
“Fuck yes,” Felix declared in that most perfectly Felix way that killed the rest of Dean’s stupid nerves in one cocky swoop. If Dean had to point to one moment to perfectly illustrate why he was so out of his mind for Felix it would probably be that moment.
And in typical Felix fashion, he took a sweet moment and turned it into something that turned Dean into knots for a whole new reason. Still smirking at Dean in that cocky way Felix did, he took a few steps backward, his eyes locked with Dean’s like a sexy challenge before hopping backward onto the bed. He bounced a little before his muscular form settled on the well-worn mattress, and he leaned back so he was propped up on his elbows.
Dean was sure that he had had fantasies about Felix that had started with him looking very much like he was at that moment except maybe a little less in the way of clothes. Felix grinned up at him which really just didn’t help Dean’s focus any as he added, “It sure as shit is better than going back to my place.”
Felix was actually in my bed, Dean marveled. He really was trying not to be a typical guy and let his mind immediately go to sex, but Felix was laying all sprawled out like the perfect picture of temptation, and it was a challenge. He swallowed hard (and hoped that Felix wouldn’t notice) before commenting, “Some privacy would be a nice change.”
Felix was on to him, Dean could tell from the wicked glint in his eyes. “It would be,” he agreed before making a definite show of patting the bed next to him, “If you’d get over here already.”
Despite relaxing substantially since Felix had walked through the door, Dean still felt a little anxious. Still, he couldn’t resist an invitation like that. He took a few cautious steps toward Felix and as soon as he was close enough Felix sat up, reached out, grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him in. The action was so surprising Dean stumbled and almost fell. He managed not to fall just barely, and before he could even attempt to regain his balance, he was on the bed.
Felix’s lips met his own and the familiarity of it brought with it a kind of ease. Whatever apprehension Dean may have still had, he gave into the moment and let the sensation of it all sweep him away.
It didn’t take long for all his anxiety to be forgotten as kissing turned into a real make-out session. Felix’s fingers were in his hair, and their legs became entangled in each other as they both tried to move closer. Dean let one hand settle on Felix’s thigh as he supported himself with the other. The warmth of Felix, his touch, his skin, his breath, all so utterly intoxicating, Dean was happy to lose himself in it.
Felix’s fingers lost their grip on Dean’s hair, fell down over his shoulders, and ran over his chest firmly before finding the hem of Dean’s shirt. As the fabric was pulled upward Dean remembered that his house wasn’t the only reason he had been nervous about the day. He didn’t stop Felix pulling his shirt off and tossing it quickly, but new anxiety stopped him from getting completely lost in Felix’s lips when they returned to his own.
The kiss was interrupted for only a few seconds before Felix was back, lips moving hungrily against Dean’s. As Felix’s hands moved over the bare skin of Dean’s chest, Dean met Felix’s hunger with his own.
Dean had marveled many times at the effect Felix had on him. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced with anyone else. There wasn’t any real question around his own sexuality, and he knew he still liked girls as well, but being with Felix was just different. Dean didn’t know if it was something as simple as the solid feel of Felix because Felix was all muscle and firm touches or if it was his confidence. On the soccer field, Felix was an aggressive and confident player, and that was something that just seemed to follow Felix into anything physical. When they kissed there was no timidness. Felix always seemed to know what he wanted, and he went for it. Whatever it was, Dean often found himself so worked up from simply kissing Felix he almost ached.
It was the feel of Felix’s thick fingers gripping the waist of his jeans and working to undo the fastenings that had Dean pushing aside his base desires for the moment. He wanted it, Felix, the whole fucking nine with no limits. Dean had been fantasizing about having sex with Felix for months, and if he was being really honest, he had wanted that for a lot longer.
Just because he wanted it, didn’t mean they should. As much as Dean wanted to let it go, he still couldn’t let himself forget it was Felix’s first time. There was so much pressure that came with that, and it was such a privilege. Dean still wasn’t fully convinced he was worthy of it.
Dean couldn’t be that guy. The guy that just thought with his dick and didn’t care about anything else. He needed to know that Felix was sure before he let things go any further.
He caught Felix’s hands just as he felt the button of his jeans pop open and stopped him from doing anything more. It may not have been what Dean wanted to do, but it needed to be done, and it had at least caught Felix’s attention. He stopped and blinked up at Dean, and he didn’t say a word, but the question was written all over his face.
Dean’s tongue felt thick, and his mouth was dry, but he managed words despite that. “Do you still want to?” he questioned sincerely.
He felt like a ball of nerves and anxiety. He was sure it showed because he could barely look Felix in the eye. He wanted Felix so fucking bad. How could he not? Felix was smart and funny, not to mention incredibly sexy. Of course, he wanted to have sex with Felix, but he didn’t want Felix to feel like there was an obligation or an expectation. If it was going to happen it was going to be Felix’s first time (Ever- with anyone), and Dean didn’t want him to have any regrets.
He watched Felix’s eyes flick down to his hands still on Dean’s pants before flicking back up with confusion written across his perfect features, “Huh?”
“Um…ya know,” Dean managed to stammer out. Why he couldn’t just say the word sex, Dean didn’t understand, but he couldn’t. Felix staring back at him questioningly just made him more nervous, and he ended up looking down at his hands. It wasn’t helpful, seeing his hands on Felix’s amazing body, but he still managed to add, “With me, I mean?”
Felix remained silent for a long thoughtful moment that might as well have been an eternity for Dean before asking, “What? You mean sex?”
“Ah, yeah,” Dean answered as best he could manage. Felix asked the question so boldly while Dean struggled to say the word. Then there was the fact that he didn’t want Felix to feel pressured. “If you don’t that’s completely fine,” he added quickly. Dean was positive he was more anxious in that moment with Felix then he had been his first time.
Dean was already so anxious he thought it might literally kill him but the look that crossed Felix’s face made it ten thousand times worse. He got this look like he was thinking about it, and not in a good way. That should have been answer enough, but Dean still found himself surprised when Felix actually spoke. “Yeah, no,” Felix answered like he was saying no to three-day old cold pizza.
“Oh,” Dean exclaimed with surprise before he could stop himself. It was everything he could do not to physically pull away from Felix.
He was disappointed, but he guessed he shouldn’t have been surprised. Felix came from a completely different world from Dean. He had literally been given a brand-new car for his sixteenth birthday while Dean worked three jobs every summer so they could buy groceries.
Even if that wasn’t the case Dean had been such a fucking asshole since they had gotten in the car. Felix didn’t deserve that kind of bullshit, especially when he was obviously fucking trying.
Dean couldn’t help but be disappointed because as much as he had tried to control his expectations, he still wanted Felix in a very primal and animalistic way. That disappointment was his problem, and he didn’t want Felix to catch on. He had the right to say no and not feel guilty for it. It was his fucking virginity they were talking about for Christ sake.
If anything, Dean’s immediate response of disappointment filled him with shame, and it was that that had him ducking his head and looking at the little bit of bedding that laid between them. The dark green fabric was the best bedding in the house, and Dean had washed it twice before making the bed because he wanted everything to be perfect for Felix.
So much for that.
“Yeah,” he offered. It was meant to come across as a reassurance, but it sounded weak even to Dean, “Okay.”
“I mean,” Felix started, and his tone was odd. He didn’t sound apologetic or awkward, not that Dean wanted him to feel that way. He actually sounded kind of amused. It was like he was telling a joke, and Dean just wasn’t privy to the punchline. “We really can’t right now, considering.”
Dean was following Felix until the very last word and then he was lost. The confusion was enough to temporarily erase the other emotions that were clouding his mind. “Considering?” he asked.
It was the strangest thing when Felix broke out in what looked like a genuine smile. He had always had the most amazing smile. Dean found it almost hypnotic as Felix continued to talk playfully. “Considering that you’re drunk, or high, or suffering from a concussion or maybe all three,” Felix clearly joked, “Because that is the only possible explanation I can think of for why you would ask such a stupid fucking question.” Something must have read on Dean’s face, and whatever it was, it amused Felix greatly. He reached out and patted Dean’s cheek in a way that was equal parts affectionate and playful. “Dude, I’ve been trying to get you in bed for months. Of course I want to!” he exclaimed.
Dean didn’t realize he was holding his breath until that moment, and he finally felt like he could exhale. The sense of relief that washed over him was like nothing Dean had ever experienced. Felix wanted to be with him. He still wanted to be with him even though they came from completely different world, and Dean had been a complete fucking ass about it. And it was Felix so of course, he called him out on his bullshit in such a brash and confident way. It was the attitude that made people think Felix was an asshole and the honesty that Dean fucking loved. Joking about it all made it so much easier.
He reached out and gave Felix’s shoulder a light nudge. “God, you are such an ass,” he chuckled with no real heat in his words.
Felix leaned in and placed a long and thoughtful kiss on Dean’s cheek before tilting his head slightly to whispered in Dean’s ear. “And you’re a fucking tease,” he stated. How he managed to make those words drip with sex Dean had no idea, but he did.
Dean turned to defend himself, and Felix caught his lips. Just like that, they were kissing again, and it wasn’t like Felix had been reserved about it before, but there was something more to it then. There was a new level of intensity and need in it as Felix’s lips moved against his own, and he began to feel the teasing movements of Felix’s tongue. Maybe he was just trying to show Dean he was into it, which if that was the case, he was wildly successful. Or maybe he was that fucking horny which if that was the case that was the hottest thing Dean could have experienced.
Dean kissed back because how could he not. With the fear that Felix was only going along with it out of obligation put to rest, Dean gave into it without reservation. He kissed Felix back with all the desire that had been building in him for months, meeting Felix’s tongue with his own.
Dean brought a hand to Felix’s back and started teasing at the hem of his t-shirt. For someone who was always complaining about being cold, Felix’s skin was so fucking warm and inviting. Dean was pretty sure he never wanted to stop touching Felix’s warm, soft skin.
When Dean felt Felix’s hands to returned to his pants and started working his zipper down, he remembered where this was be leading. Just because he and Felix hadn’t been having full-on sex didn’t mean they hadn’t fooled around plenty. Dean had seen Felix naked (which was fucking awesome), he knew what it felt like to have Felix’s hands or lips on his dick, and he knew what it was like to touch or taste Felix. Still, there was a likelihood that that day was going to be a hell of a lot more. They could have fumbled through it, but that felt like a risk. It probably didn’t help that he could hear Nico’s words ringing in his head.
As much as he didn’t want to, Dean pulled away from Felix’s lips. “Felix we should-” he started but struggled to continue. Felix was not deterred in the slightest, so when Dean had pulled away from his lips, Felix had just moved to kiss at his neck. He knew what he was doing too which was really distracting in the most amazing way. “Oh…,” he shuttered as Felix found an especially sensitive spot just below his ear, and he felt Felix’s teeth graze that spot softly. He took a shuttered breath and reminded himself to focus before he managed to continue, “-Probably talk first.”
“Dean,” Felix spoke against his skin, “Of all the things I want to do right now talking isn’t one of them.”
Felix was back to kissing at his throat, and Dean could feel him working his hand into his pants. If Felix could actually touch him like Dean really fucking wanted him to, Dean knew his resolve would crumble.
He pulled away from Felix’s touch and shimmied up the bed a little to escape Felix’s advances. Felix caught on quickly and looked fucking annoyed which was strangely sexy. Dean pushed his fingers through his hair, closed his eyes for a few seconds to center himself before speaking or at least trying to, “So how are we….I mean, how do you want to do this?”
Was that even English, Dean groaned inwardly. Dean had never been shy about sex, and he didn’t get why he was suddenly having such a hard fucking time talking about it. Maybe it was the pressure. He wanted things to live up to Felix’s expectations which would be a challenge if he didn’t know what Felix was expecting. It would have been better if he was just direct about it, but his stomach was turning itself in knots at the possibilities, and he probably should have been grateful he managed words at all.
It was the wrong thing to ask, that quickly became clear. Felix went from looking like he wanted to pounce on Dean to looking like he wanted to shrink away and maybe hide under the bed. His once lust-filled eyes became downcast, taking a bashful sort of interest in his hands resting on the bed. Felix was quiet too long, and Dean couldn’t miss how he chewed nervously at his bottom lip. It was a nervous habit Dean knew Felix had, but it was something he rarely actually saw when they were together.
Maybe this whole thing isn’t a good idea, Dean thought, maybe Felix really isn’t really ready yet. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, Dean immediately started trying to reign in his own expectations once again. He had waited this long, he could wait longer. He had no doubt Felix was worth it.
“How do you mean?” Felix finally questioned in such a soft un-Felix-like voice it was almost jarring.
Dean sucked in a long breath in hopes it would help him settle his own nerves. It didn’t, but he forced himself to answer anyway. “I mean, do you want to or-,” Dean was already stammering and then Felix looked up and there was something about the way he was staring at Dean that made it so much more difficult. He pushed his fingers through his hair and grumbled the first thing that came to mind, “God, Nico was right about this being awkward to talk about.”
He had said it under his breath or at least he thought he had. He could remember how he had thought Nico was exaggerating or that that particular experience wouldn’t be anything like that for him and Felix. It was just sex after all. What was so hard to talk about? Maybe that was part of the problem, Dean was starting to realize this wasn’t just sex. It was never going to be just sex with Felix.
Felix must have heard the thoughtless comment or at least enough of it to have questions. “What?” he asked sounding a little alarmed.
“Nothing, not important,” Dean quickly dismissed. Felix had been pretty fucking clear he didn’t want anyone knowing about him being a virgin, so there was no way he would have been cool with Dean calling Nico for advice. He hadn’t been trying to betray Felix’s confidence, and it wasn’t like he had been asking for a how-to guide for gay sex, it had just been the pressure of the whole thing that Felix’s virginity added. Nico had really been helpful, but he doubted Felix would care about that. All that he would hear was that Dean had talked about it with someone after he had specifically asked him not to. Dean had screwed things up enough for one day.
“I’ll-,” Dean started and was surprised when his own anxiety caused him to stumble. He took one long, controlled breath before trying again. “I’ll catch if you want,” he stated. He had hoped once the offer was out there, he would feel a sense of relief, but he didn’t. His anxiety tripled as he heard those words spoken in his own voice.
If the goal had been to decrease Felix’s apprehension with that offer, Dean seemed to have failed there as well. Felix was gnawing at his lower lip to the point that Dean was afraid he was going to start bleeding, and he wasn’t even trying to hide how he was avoiding actually looking Dean in the eyes.
“Is that what you want?” Felix asked with a note of uncertainty in his voice that Dean didn’t quite understand.
That wasn’t a question Dean had been expecting, and it took him a moment to process it completely. If he was being honest, it wasn’t. It wasn’t that Dean didn’t want to, but….well, it felt like a huge leap, and that intimidated him more than a little. He had never experienced anything like that before, and he had no idea how to even approach that. Add in the fact that it involved giving up control which Dean wasn’t great at normally with anything. It was more than just being intimidated by it because in some ways it really fucking scared him. He could deal with that because he trusted Felix.
It wasn’t like he could imagine Felix wasn’t nervous. He was probably imagining his first time being a certain way. Dean was willing to deal with his own anxiety to give Felix the first time he had been picturing. “I-,” Dean started to answer. All he had to do was say yes, but he didn’t feel like that was completely honest. “I’m offering,” he answered and immediately regretted it. He heard his own words and could hear how reluctant and uncertain he sounded, which wasn’t what he wanted or what he met.
“No shit,” Felix huffed disgruntledly. He looked up at Dean with clear annoyance in his eyes which just had Dean marveling at just how many ways he was fucking this up. At this point, he figured it would have just been quicker to buy Felix a chaste belt for how smooth he was being. “But that isn’t what I asked,” Felix pointed out sharply.
“I’m willing,” Dean answered before he thought about how that sounded. He really was making this so much more difficult then it needed to be which was beyond frustrating.
Ironically, Dean was pretty sure this was the first time he actually found it difficult to just say what he wanted to Felix. He forced himself to take a second and just breathe before he tried to explain. “It’s your first time,” Dean reminded, and Felix made no attempt to hide how he rolled his eyes. Dean was beyond caring about that because even if Felix didn’t think it was a big deal, it was. “I want it to be like you imagined it would be,” he shrugged. Why were they only having this conversation now, he wondered with regret. “Ya know?” he asked. Even if Felix wanted to act like losing his virginity wasn’t a big deal, he had to understand at least that.
Felix’s silence was physically painful, and the longer it lasted the more it hurt. It took everything Dean had to make himself look up in hopes of finding some kind of reassure in Felix’s hazel eyes, but his eyes were downcast.
Dean wanted to say something, but he couldn’t find the words, so the silence stretched until Felix spoke. “And what if that isn’t how I imagined it?” he questioned so softly Dean only barely made out the words.
Dean was good with language in general. He had started reading chapter books in kindergarten and had always had a deep love of language, so his comprehension was good. Still, even after he gave Felix’s words a few seconds to sink in they didn’t quite make sense. Felix couldn’t have actually met what it sounded like. He tried to think of an alternate explanation, but that just sent his brain going in circles. He had to give up trying before it drove him insane.
“What?” he questioned dumbly.
Felix let out a long-pained sigh before he starting to pick at the comforter thoughtlessly even though there was nothing there. “Whenever I’ve thought about us finally having sex, I never pictured it like that,” Felix admitted sheepishly. His eyes never lifted from the mattress as he spoke, and Dean could feel the nerves rolling off him in waves.
There it was again. Felix had said words, but Dean struggled to understand it. It took a painfully long time for things to click into place. “Oh,” he exclaimed with surprise. He wasn’t sure if he had heard Felix right or that Felix meant what Dean thought he meant. He couldn’t take the risk of making an assumption and being wrong. “So you want to….,” Dean tried to get the words out, but it was still a struggle. He gestured between himself and Felix in hopes of providing some clarity but immediately knew he had failed. “I mean you want me to…..?” Dean left the rest of the question unsaid. He was too nervous about saying the wrong thing and fucking things up even more than he already had.
Felix finally looked up and met Dean’s gaze with fire in his eyes. “I want you to fuck me, okay?” he declared with force. Dean was pretty sure hearing those words carried all the force of being slapped in the face, he was so surprised.
Felix huffed and rolled his eyes. Dean watched his body language shift from something sheepish and uncertain to that of a man going to war. He didn’t look away from Dean as he continued, “There, I said it!” Felix declared, “So are we fucking good already?”
Dean’s heart was pounding with such force, he felt partially deafened by the sound of the blood rushing in his ears. There was no questioning what Felix had meant because he was pretty fucking clear about it, and the way he was staring back at Dean, it was almost like a challenge. Dean’s lizard brain hopped up on all those horny teenage hormones wanted to throw words to the wayside and just pin Felix to the bed. The thought that Felix had actually pictured them together, and Dean….god, that was the hottest thing Dean had ever heard. He didn’t act on his base desires despite how badly he wanted to. “Are you sure?” he questioned, and he was proud with how he managed to keep most of his eagerness out of his voice.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Dean!” Felix exclaimed, “Yes, I am fucking sure!”
Anytime Dean had imagined him and Felix having sex he wanted to picture himself taking the lead and topping. He wanted to be the one to give Felix so much pleasure and the thought of Felix under him was definitely a turn on. Hearing there was a chance that Felix wanted that too was just mind-blowing. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning over and pressing a kiss on Felix’s lips.
It was a soft kiss, or at least it started out like that, but it quickly escalated. Dean wasn’t even sure who was to blame for that, but if history taught him anything it was that it was probably both of their faults. However it happened and whoever was responsible for it, Felix ended up joining him toward the head of the bed, Dean’s hands pushed up the back of his shirt enjoying the feel of Felix’s taut muscles move under his touch as they kissed with an increased need. It was like they were under some kind of spell, and they could only survive with each other’s touch.
That spell didn’t break when Felix pulled away. The distance between them lasted no more than a few seconds as Felix roughly tugged off his own t-shirt and tossed it aside. Dean got less than a second to enjoy the sight of Felix’s well-muscled torso before Felix’s lips were once again moving against his own. Dean kissed back with everything he had, happy that any sign the anxiety and clumsiness from before was gone as his hands explored the newly exposed skin of Felix’s back and stomach.
Felix sighed against his lips as they laid back on the bed, which was a sentiment Dean could easily second. Their legs entangled as Dean moved to support himself with one elbow, so he was looming over Felix without actually being on top of him.
Their lips pulled apart, and Dean didn’t rush to recapture Felix’s lips with his own. Instead, he let his eyes flutter open to look down and enjoy the view of Felix under him. There was something especially appealing in seeing Felix’s lips swollen from their kisses, the pupils of his amazing eyes blown wide with arousal, and his cheeks slightly flushed.
He let his free hand come to rest lightly on Felix’s bare chest. “We’ll go slow,” Dean promised softly and with a great amount of reverence for what Felix was offering him. He looked up to meet Felix’s gaze and found him looking back at him with interest. “And if you change your mind that’s okay,” he assured. “We can wait or I can-”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Dean,” Felix groaned interrupting him before he could finish. Unlike before when Felix had been obviously uncomfortable and trying to hide it by being aggressive and annoyed, Felix just seemed amused which was a relief in and of itself. “Do you always try to talk people out of sleeping with you?”
“No,” Dean answered with a shake of his head. He definitely wasn’t trying to talk Felix out of having sex, but he didn’t want him to feel pressured either. “But I don’t want you to think that I expect you to-”
“I don’t,” Felix interrupted quickly. Before Dean could remember what he was even trying to say, Felix pushed up on his elbows enough to press a hot kiss on his lips. It was quick and left Dean breathless when Felix pulled away smirking. “But can you really tell me you haven’t imagined it?”
“Um…..,”  Dean hummed nervously. He felt somewhat dumb from the blood rushing to everywhere except his brain, and he wasn’t sure if that was something he should admit to it. Of course, he had imagined fucking Felix, probably more then he should have since they started dating, but if he admitted that what would Felix think about his expectations. “I mean….,” he started to stammer not sure what he actually planned to say.
“That’s what I thought,” Felix said with confidence, and it was more than obvious he thought of it as a victory. He actually looked fucking proud which was such a weird turn on. Felix liked the idea of Dean thinking about having sex with him, Dean was surprisingly excited by that thought. It read on his face too, Dean could tell because the self-satisfied grin that Felix was wearing just grew wider.
Felix sat up a little straighter, reached out a hand, and ran it gently along Dean’s jaw before letting it settle on the back of his neck. He pulled Dean into another kiss and while it was still hungry there was something different about it when compared to the kiss they had shared only seconds earlier. There was a new sense of patience in Felix’s touch or maybe it was determination, Dean wasn’t completely sure, but whatever it was he was into it. When Felix pulled away, he stared into Dean’s eyes with a serious look and ordered, “Do yourself a favor and shut the fuck up.”
“God, you are such a fucking smartass,” Dean shot back with a grin before taking Felix’s advice. He shut up and put his mouth too much better use. He moved forward and kissed Felix’s perfect lips.
He felt Felix chuckle a little against his lips at first, but it quickly subsided as he kissed Dean back. Felix’s fingers went from gently caressing the back of Dean’s neck to tugging lightly at his hair as they laid back on the bed. Felix was on his back with Dean lying next to him on his side, but with the whole awkward conversation out of the way that didn’t stay that way for long. Dean didn’t feel the need to hold back now that Felix had literally said he wanted Dean to fuck him. Within seconds Dean moved so he was on top of Felix, straddling his thighs as they kissed.
Dean’s hands ran over Felix’s stomach, chest, and sides, appreciating the feel of hard muscle and bare skin. Felix had an insane body that if Dean was one-hundred percent straight he probably would have envied. Dean wasn’t one-hundred percent straight and as he touched Felix all he could think was how fucking lucky he was because Felix was his, and he was finally going to have him.
While Felix seemed to enjoy every touch Dean had to offer, he didn’t seem to have the patience for foreplay that he often did. He nipped at Dean’s bottom lip as his greedy hands started trying to push Dean’s jeans down his hips. His efforts felt clumsy and uncoordinated, but Felix made it work. He had Dean butt ass naked in an impressively short period of time with very little help from Dean.
Dean had barely managed to kick his clothes to the floor when he felt Felix’s palm rub along his newly exposed and painfully hard dick. Felix wasn’t being bashful about it either so Dean didn’t even get a chance to moan in utter delight before Felix’s fingers wrapped around his base, and he started stroking Dean in earnest.
Hand-jobs could be nice, but Dean had never thought they were something to write home about, or at least he hadn’t until the first time Felix had jerked him off. Felix knew what he was doing when handling a dick, that was just a fundamental truth. Felix’s stroking had lightening dancing behind Dean’s eyes and through his veins.
“Fuck,” Dean moaned as he gave in to the pleasure and pulled away from Felix’s lips, “Felix.”
“God, dude you’re so fucking easy,” Felix gloated playfully. He seemed completely unbothered by the loss of Dean’s lips as he started to kiss and lick at Dean’s jaw and throat hungrily. He was still stroking Dean’s cock which was the most distractingly wonderful thing Dean could possibly imagine. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re the virgin here,” he teased before moving to suck playfully at Dean’s earlobe.
“Or-” Dean went to defend himself. Felix knew him too well and as much as he liked to say Dean was the tease in the relationship, Felix could be a tease as well. Just as Dean started to talk Felix twisted his wrist as his fingers enclosed around the head of his dick and swiped over his sensitive head. “Oh,” he sighed as the jolt of pleasure had his thighs quivering. “-you’re just that good,” he offered. He recognized he would have sounded more convincing if he didn’t sound like he was a half a second from blowing his load, but he had no control over that.
Felix stopped kissing and sucking at his ear (but he didn’t stop stroking) and laid back on the bed so he was gazing up at Dean. Felix was fucking gorgeous laid out under Dean like he was. The wicked grin he was wearing only seemed to add to that. “Is that so?” Felix questioned teasingly.
“Yeah,” Dean replied. He gave Felix a once over as he figured out exactly what he wanted to do. It wasn’t hard for him to figure out. He leaned down and kissed Felix hard on the lips before starting to move down Felix’s body. As Felix’s fingers released their grip on him, Dean looked up with a smirk of his own. “Let me show you how good I can be,” he offered playfully.
“Dean, I know how good you are,” Felix replied. Dean couldn’t be positive, but he thought he heard a tremble of excitement in Felix’s voice. The hint of such a thing was enough to add to Dean’s confidence as he moved from kissing down Felix’s throat to moving down his well-sculpted chest.
He kissed, licked, and sucked at all the places he knew could make Felix quiver until he reached the waist of Felix’s track pants. He sat up as he hooked his fingers through the waistband of his pants and briefs. “Maybe,” he countered as he started to tug off the last of Felix’s clothes, “But I like to show you.”
Felix shifted and moved in all the right ways so Dean could undress him with ease. Dean couldn’t take his eyes away from Felix laying there naked as he tossed aside the last articles of clothing that had stood between him and his prize aside. Felix was quite the prize too. He lay back on cheap sheets with his adios like body, thick muscular thighs, and thick hard dick rising heavy out of a nest of dark curls. Even the tiny scar that was just below Felix’s belly button from when he had his appendix removed was utter perfection.
Felix shouldn’t own clothes, Dean thought, and it wasn’t the first time. It seemed like a crime that something so utterly stunning could be hidden away for most of the time. But, at the same time, Dean felt incredibly honored that what was laid before him was for him and just him.
Dean took a moment to run his finger along the deep V that pointed toward Felix’s groin and all the treasures that lay there. Felix let out a sigh that was probably the most beautiful sound Dean had ever heard and pressed his hips up subtly into Dean’s touch. “Oh dear fucking god, Dean,” Felix declared with what sounded like a mix of annoyance and desperation.
“And you say I’m easy,” he pointed out playfully as he grinned down at Felix.
Dean didn’t wait for Felix to reply before bending down and running his tongue along Felix’s cock starting at the base and running all the way up to the tip. He was already about as turned on as Dean could get but somehow the salty taste of Felix on his tongue managed to push him a little further.
“Fuck!” Felix gasped and squirmed under Dean’s touch, “Dean.”
Dean got his hands involved, wrapping one around the base of Felix’s cock while using the other to explore Felix’s body greedily before working down to play with his balls. He wet his tongue as he ran it over Felix’s erection from every side before wrapping his lips around the hard shaft.
Dean could never have anticipated that he would ever blow another guy let alone that he would enjoy doing it but there he was, and he really did enjoy it. He bobbed his head up and down on Felix’s dick and even managed not to gag when Felix’s cock would hit the back of his throat. There was something strangely empowering and sexy about the act itself, but the noises Felix was making really put it over the top.
As Dean worked up and down Felix’s length, Felix sighed and gasped with what sounded like increasing desperation. Dean heard the rustle of the sheets as Felix grasped at them and squirmed under his attention. He got lost in all of it, the noises Felix was making, the feeling of him squirming under his touch, the awareness of Felix’s thighs beginning to quiver from the sensation, all of it.
“Fuck, Dean!” Felix moaned as he squirmed under Dean more noticeably. “I thought we were going to do this,” he whined.
Moaning was good but whining was bad. Dean popped off Felix’s cock and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand as he looked up at Felix. “We are,” he replied with a grin. He moved up Felix’s body, pausing occasionally to place a kiss here or there. After taking a moment to enjoy how good Felix looked laying under him with his pupils wide with lust and kiss-swollen lips, he commented, “I didn’t realize we were in a rush.”
“I’ve waited months,” Felix pointed out with more annoyance then Dean would have liked considering what he had been doing to Felix only seconds before.
It wasn’t like Dean wasn’t aware that they had been waiting for months. He was aware, painfully so. That was why Dean didn’t want to rush. Well, it was one of the reasons. After so much tension and build-up, Dean knew it could have been easy to let their hunger and desire take the lead and bang one out like the fumbling horny teenagers they sort of were. Maybe if it wasn’t Felix’s first time Dean would have been okay with that because they had plenty of time to figure out what each other liked and wanted later. Dean didn’t want Felix’s first time to be clumsy and rushed.  
Under him, Felix shifted and looked off to the side, so he was no longer meeting Dean’s gaze defiantly. “Can’t we just get fucking on with it already?” he grumbled.
Oh, Dean thought as he thought he figured out what was going on. Felix was actually nervous about this whole thing and just didn’t want to admit. That was very like Felix so he really couldn’t be surprised. He was a little disappointed that he hadn’t seen it all along, but maybe he hadn’t wanted to.
Felix had also been pretty insistent from day one that he wanted to have sex, and he wasn’t at all attached to his virginity, but obviously, that was at least partially bravado. Dean didn’t know if Felix was just nervous about them having sex or if it was more about catching. Felix had volunteered, but maybe he wasn’t as certain as he had sounded. Dean wanted to do this, but if Felix was that nervous maybe they should wait a little while longer. They could talk things out more and figure out what each of them wanted it to be like without any pressure.
He needed to offer Felix an out that wouldn’t hurt his pride or leave him feeling rejected. Dean bit back his want as he began, “Are you-”
“Holy hell, Dean!” Felix interrupted as he turned his head back to look up at Dean. His striking eyes were filled with fire and some other emotion Dean couldn’t quite name. “If you ask if I’m sure again I swear to fucking god I will smack you,” he declared in a way that left Dean with no doubt that he would actually do it.
“Right,” Dean nodded.
He realized the other emotion he was seeing in Felix’s eyes, it was determination. Felix wasn’t going to admit that he was nervous. He had spent too much time telling Dean that he didn’t care that it would be his first time. Dean had made too big of a deal about the whole thing too. Just because Felix was nervous didn’t mean he still didn’t want to or wasn’t ready. Dean leaned down and pulled Felix into a kiss which was just as much to reassure himself as it was for Felix.
Felix sighed into the kiss which was one of the most amazing things. Dean pulled away reluctantly and shifted so he could stretch across the bed to his nightstand. He pulled out the box of condoms and lube from the topmost drawers. The condoms weren’t a new addition, Dean usually had some of those laying around just in case, but the lube he purchased on the off chance he and Felix ended up having sex. He left the condoms on the nightstand but brought the lube with him back to the bed.
He kissed along Felix’s jaw to his ear and nipped at his earlobe playfully before pulling back. There was one thing he had to say before he could think about moving forward. He looked down at Felix seriously as he spoke. “Any point you change your mind just say the word,” he assured genuinely.
“Yeah, sure,” Felix dismissed almost as if he hadn’t really heard him. Dean didn’t miss how his eyes flicked toward the nightstand for a second, and he would have sworn he saw the determination in Felix’s eyes increase tenfold. “But I’m not going to change my mind,” he stated with certainty.
Felix meant that, Dean could tell. The more Dean knew about Felix the more amazing he realized Felix was. He was definitely braver and bolder then Dean thought he could ever be. Felix might have been nervous, but he spoke with more certainty then Dean would have had considering.
That just added to the long list of reasons Dean was determined to make Felix’s first time perfect. It was more than that though because Dean wanted…no needed to make sure Felix felt how honored he was for being given the opportunity to make his first time perfect.
Once again Dean kissed down Felix’s body. He lavished every perfect inch of Felix on his way with his lips and his tongue and enjoyed all the little ways Felix responded to his touch. He moved down past Felix’s naval to kiss along the hinge between Felix’s thigh and groin. He was far from a first-time visitor there, but as he kissed, he let his hands settle behind Felix’s knees and gently urged them upward, which made it all feel very new.
Felix didn’t resist or even response with hesitation. At the lightest of suggestive touches from Dean, and Felix’s knees bent, and his legs fell open a little more as Dean heard him take a long smooth breath. Dean kissed at Felix’s fuzzy inner thigh with admiration as he fumbled amongst the bedding to find the bottle of lube he had so carelessly dropped somewhere on the bed.
It felt like it took an eternity to find the stupid bottle. It was a genuine challenge to not get too in his head about it because he couldn’t’ help but think he was already fucking things up. He probably could have been quicker about it if he stopped kissing at Felix’s leg and actually paid attention to what he was doing, but that just wasn’t going to happen either.
In reality, it probably took less than a minute to find the bottle. He popped the cap with one hand as he gave Felix’s thigh one last kiss. He could have touched and kissed at Felix forever, but he was pretty sure if he covered half the bed in lube that would kill the mood.
He pulled away just enough to watch as he poured some lube onto his fingers. Dean had no idea what he was doing when it came to that. It wasn’t like he had ever really had a need to use lube before, and even if he had, he had only been with girls. He doubted there was a whole lot of knowledge that could be carried over from that. Nico had been helpful in explaining that there was actually different lube for anal because Dean hadn’t known that, but he had never mentioned how much to use. He didn’t want to be a lubed up mess so he poured enough to coat two fingers to the first knuckle before carefully setting the lube aside where it could be easily found if he needed more.
Part of Dean wanted to look up and maybe see Felix’s hazel eyes filled with lust staring back at him, but didn’t dare in fear that Felix would see just how nervous he was. Instead, he kept his focus on the task at hand because it was definitely something new for both of them. He ghosted his hand first over Felix’s hard dick then over his tight balls before moving further until his slicked fingers were sliding along Felix’s taint.
The audible sound of Felix’s breath catching in what sounded like a breathy gasp reverberated off the walls as Dean’s fingers found the tight puckered skin of his hole. Dean hoped that was a good sound and not just a sign that he should have warmed up the lube a little.
Dean once again went to kiss hungrily at Felix’s inner thigh as he massaged at that wrinkled flesh. It was probably in his head, but Dean thought he could hear Felix’s breath grow more shallow. Normally that was a good sign, but Felix felt tenser to his touch then Dean was used to.
That was just unacceptable. Dean realized he needed to do something to distract Felix from his nerves. With his free hand, Dean reached up and grasped Felix’s erection and started stroking him lazily.
Dean paid attention to everything, to Felix’s breathing and the little noises he made, and let it all guide him to the right method. Within a matter of minutes, he could feel Felix relax to the point he seemed to be moving into Dean’s touch rather than tensing at them. That was more like what Dean wanted and more of what he was used to when he was fooling around with Felix.
Cautiously, he pushed the tip of one finger against Felix’s furrowed hole until he was able to press forward a little without too much resistance. He twisted his finger a little this way and that before pulling back out. There was a second where Felix might have tensed slightly at the little penetration, but it was gone almost as quickly as it appeared. Felix gave no other signs of discomfort, so Dean did it again pressing his finger in a little deeper and twisting a little more.
Dean continued to stroke Felix with his other hand. It seemed to work in keeping Felix generally relaxed, but Dean had jerked Felix off plenty of times, and he was normally more vocal then he was being at that moment. Dean was used to hearing a string of curse words moaned out in the most beautiful sexy voice, so he didn’t know what to think about the fact that Felix wasn’t.
As he continued to work his finger in a little deeper with each motion, Dean’s nervousness won out over his general fear of not coming across confidence. He dared to look up at Felix and wasn’t exactly happy with what he saw. Felix was staring up at the cracked ceiling of Dean’s bedroom with a look of extreme focus on his face.
Dean considered stopping, but Felix was still hard, and while he didn’t seem like he was over the top enjoying it, he wasn’t showing signs of discomfort. No feedback was so much worse than bad feedback, Dean just couldn’t take it. “Is this alright?” He finally questioned nervously as his hands continued to work.
“Yeah,” Felix answered in the most unconvincing way Dean had ever heard, “Its fine.”
What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Dean practically panicked because he was used to Felix being so straight forward about everything that some people called him blunt or rude. Dean didn’t want sugar coating if Felix was uncomfortable or just wasn’t into it. He couldn’t fix shit if Felix wasn’t talking to him.
Panicking wasn’t sexy so Dean shoved it down and acted like everything was cool. He didn’t stop the motion of either of his hands although he may have increased the determination in his stroking and eased back on his efforts to open up Felix’s tight hole. “It doesn’t hurt, does it?” he asked. God, he would hope Felix would tell him if something he was doing was causing him pain, but Felix felt so tight. His rim was snug around Dean’s finger with every little movement, and now Dean was sure he was going to need more lube. That had to feel like something.
“No,” Felix replied flatly.
Dean pressed his finger a little deeper into Felix’s tight heat and watched Felix’s response which was completely uninterpretable. It was beyond frustrating, and definitely panic-inducing.
So much for making Felix’s first time perfect, he thought with disappointment.
“Does it feel good?” he asked even though Felix was making it pretty clear it didn’t. He just needed Felix to say something and give him some direction.
“Honestly,” Felix huffed. It wasn’t a slight quiver or a breathy sigh that could have meant he was actually into it. It was a sound of annoyance and impatience that left little question about just how little he was enjoying what Dean was doing. “It feels like there is a finger up my ass,” he admitted flatly.
“Right,” Dean replied with understanding. It was a blunt answer, but at least it was an actual answer. Dean could deal with the feedback even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted it to feel good for Felix more. He would just have to try to change his technique until he found something that got more of the response he wanted.
He pulled out his one finger completely and release the grip he had on Felix’s dick with his other hand. That action might have been the first thing Dean had done that got an actually response from Felix.
“That didn’t mean I wanted you to stop!” Felix shouted as he sat up enough on his elbows to look down the bed at Dean in clear outrage.
Another time, a different situation, and Dean might have made a joke about sending mixed messages but didn’t because he knew better. “I’m not,” he assured instead as he grabbed the bottle of lube and held it up as proof.
Pour some more lube on a couple of fingers, it shouldn’t have been a particularly difficult or time-consuming task, but Dean’s hands were actually shaking for some unknown reason. It didn’t help that Dean couldn’t really completely take his eyes off Felix laying out on the bed with his perfect body and not a stitch of clothes on, or how he could feel Felix watching him with an intensity Dean rarely saw from him. He managed eventually, but it wasn’t nearly as quick or clean as his first go. “You think you’re ready for another,” he asked as he started to slide his hand back down between Felix’s legs.
“Yeah,” Felix answered sounding none too thrilled at the prospect. Even as Dean kissed affectionately at Felix’s inner thigh, he saw how Felix’s eyes flicked down to where Dean’s own erection sat between his legs before looking back up. “You know you could move things along a bit faster, ya know.”
Felix’s meaning was clear enough, and that was just not a real option, not yet at least. Felix felt insanely, impossibly tight on just one of Dean’s finger. There was no way he could just push his dick in and that end well. “Not fucking happening dude,” Dean stated firmly enough to get across his point. He ran his fingers along Felix’s crease again until he found his destination. He started swirling the tips of his two lubed up fingers around Felix’s rim before pressing both tips in ever so slightly. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he admitted a little more quietly.
Dean heard Felix issue a long shaking breath as he fell back on the bed. “Just hurry the fuck up,” he demanded, but not with the heat that would suggest he really meant it. Dean didn’t know if that was nerves or maybe something a bit closer to pleasure. Dean didn’t let himself focus too much on that because if Felix wasn’t completely enjoying it right then he was going to get him there.
Dean might not have said it, but there was no way he was going to rush things. He picked up the pace a little while still carefully attending to all of Felix’s little tells. With each motion forward Dean pushed his fingers in a little deeper before pulling back. He didn’t know if it was the addition of more lube or if Felix was actually just relaxing a little and adjusting to the penetration, but either way each motion forward felt like it was met with less resistance.
Less resistance didn’t mean that Felix still didn’t feel crazy tight. He continued to piston his fingers in and out, occasionally twisting or stretching his two fingers apart. Felix was still being quieter then Dean would have liked, but every once and a while he would let out a shaky breath or small sound that made it sound like he might almost be close to enjoying it.
While the experience wasn’t completely foreign it was definitely different and incredibly hot. It was probably weird that just fingering Felix was really turning Dean on even more than he already was. He was quickly realizing this was something they should have done already even if they weren’t ready to have full-on sex.
“Dean!” Felix growled in clear frustration and snapped Dean out of his own thoughts of all the things he and Felix should have been doing over the last few months.
“Patience,” Dean replied quickly. Any confidence in his voice was completely fake but he wasn’t going to tell Felix that.
He still didn’t want to push too far too fast, but he could take a hint. Felix wanted more of something, and he could at least try to deliver that. The next time he pressed his fingers inward and were in as deep as he had managed, Dean curled his fingers slightly to run along Felix’s inner wall gently as he slowly pulled his fingers back.
Dean was pretty sure he could pinpoint the exact moment he had done something really right because Felix pulsed around his fingers. More than that, Felix moaned something that sounded like it might have been a failed attempt to curse, but Dean couldn’t be sure. When he dared to glance up, he couldn’t have been happier or more turned on by what he saw. Felix was biting his lip like he was trying to stop himself from making any more noise, and he was gripping at the sheets.
Another layer of stress Dean hadn’t even realized he had been feeling fell away at such a perfect sight. He placed a kiss on Felix’s inner thigh before grinning up at his perfect boyfriend. “Was that okay?” he questioned. Sure, it was more than obvious it was, but Dean could use a little reassurance.
“Yes!” Felix cried out his reply. Dean could tell that Felix was trying to sound annoyed, but it still came out more like a moan. Dean was happy to take responsibly for that because as Felix had been going to talk Dean did that same thing with his fingers. He didn’t get the same intensity of a reaction that he had the first time so he figured he hadn’t hit just the right spot, but Felix’s knees still quivered, and his rim still momentarily tightened around Dean’s digits so he couldn’t have been too far off. “Dean….fuck…just…,” Felix stammered out without managing to get out a single coherent thought.
Felix didn’t have to say it out loud, Dean was pretty sure he knew what he wanted. Dean certainly thought he knew at least, and now that he had found something that seemed to be actually working for Felix, he certainly wasn’t going to stop.
It took him a few more tries before he could consistently hit that spot, but once he figured it out it was smooth sailing. It was so much hotter when Felix was moaning, cursing, and squirming with what seemed like his every motion.
It didn’t seem to take long before Dean was able to work his two fingers all the way into Felix with relative ease, and Felix felt…well, not really looser, but definitely more relaxed and malleable to the motions of Dean’s fingers. It was all so hot, Dean wasn’t sure he wanted to stop, but still he pulled his fingers back slowly. He didn’t miss the disgruntled little noise Felix let out either.
He looked up at Felix and tried to ignore all the ways Felix looked incredible hot, and there were a lot of them, so it really was a challenge. “Should I add another or do you think you can-?”
“Fuck Dean,” Felix groaned as he interrupted. His voice was so husky and lust-filled, if Dean wasn’t already shaking from want he would have been from the sound of Felix. Before Dean could ask for clarification, Felix snatched the box of condoms off the nightstand and chucked them down at Dean. The box just missed hitting Dean in the face which in and of itself sent a pretty clear message. “Just put one on already,” Felix ordered, “Fuck!”
Dean had never fumbled with a box of condoms so much in his whole life, not even his first time. If ever asked why he was going to blame it on his lube covered fingers even if he was pretty sure his nerves were more of the problem. He eventually managed to get the box open, rip one condom out of the pack and tossed the rest aside. At that point Dean was so beyond fucking around he didn’t even try to hide his eagerness by fumbling to open the stupid thick wrapper with his fingers, he brought it up to his mouth and ripped it open with his teeth.
“Eager?” Felix questioned playfully. When Dean dared to look up at him, he was quite the sight: Felix already had sex hair which, no surprise, looked fucking good on him. He was still flush, and his chest was still heaving. It was all very sexy but the smirk he saw on Felix’s face as he met his gaze put it all over the top.
Of course, Felix was mouthing off even at that moment because it was Felix. It was that sort of shit that made Dean love him.....
Wait…..
Nope, Dean didn’t have time to even consider trying to think about where that thought came from. He pushed it aside for the moment being and focused on the present. “Maybe a little,” he admitted with a grin of his own. God, he could feel himself blushing which felt ridiculous because he had been naked in front of Felix plenty and there was nothing he felt he needed to be embarrassed about in his own desires. Maybe it was that he was just then realizing how much he wanted this.
“About fucking time you showed it,” Felix countered sounding so fucking cocky Dean was half convinced that he had been the one that had been laying on his back moaning wantonly only seconds before.
It just made Dean smile. He sat up and pulled the condom out of the wrapper as he looked down at Felix incredulously, “You are really going to mouth off right now?” he asked teasingly.
“What? You want me to be fucking quiet?” Felix retorted confidently.
Well, he really had Dean there. Dean tossed the used condom wrapper aside with one hand. “No,” he admitted easily and truthfully before leaning in to press his lips against Felix’s once again.
Whatever Dean had expected to find in that kiss, he didn’t really know, but it was all heat, urgency, and the playful bite of teeth. Felix’s fingers entangled in his hair and tugged enough to send chills down his back as Dean took his own dick in hand and slide on the condom. Dean’s own touch was nowhere near as satisfying as it would have been if it was Felix’s hand, Dean knew. Still, the little contact to his own needy dick had shivers running down his spine with a mix of satisfaction and hunger.
Dean never hated anything as much as he hated pulling away from Felix’s lips at that moment. He did it because it had to be done, and he did it with purpose because he needed Felix’s lips and touch back. He snatched the bottle of lube off the bed, popped the cap, and poured a generous amount of lube on his hand.
Lube in hand, Dean once again reached between his own legs, took himself in hand, and gave himself a few strokes to spread the lube. It was surprisingly difficult not to moan at the simple touch, but he managed because boy, would that have been embarrassing. The fact that Felix made no attempt to hide how he watched Dean didn’t help things any because there was intensity and hunger in Felix’s eyes that was pulling him in. Ignore your shaking hands and the fact that I have no idea how I am supposed to do this, Dean told himself as he gave himself a few last strokes.
“Um, is this okay?” he questioned feeling weirdly bashful it all of a sudden. Felix’s only reply was to cork an eyebrow at him in confusion. Fair enough, Dean thought, it wasn’t like I was clear. He looked at Felix laid out before him like the yummiest present Dean had ever seen, and it didn’t decrease his want any. But laying out like that, so exposed, would Felix be comfortable like that? “This position?” he clarified with a little gesture.
Felix bit his bottom lip lightly which was just so fucking hot it wasn’t fair. “Yeah,” he answered after giving it a second thought. Dean noticed the slight blush that spread across Felix’s cheeks as he continued, “I mean, how else are we going to do it? Doggie style?” It was probably just in his head, but he thought Felix seemed to watch him like he was looking for some sort of reaction. Dean wasn’t opposed to doggie style in general, and Felix had an amazing ass so it could probably be hot as hell, but it didn’t feel all that intimate. He didn’t know if Felix saw something in his face or just decided to move past it. “No, this is good,” he assured although he didn’t sound completely certain.
Dean could have questioned it more and part of him wanted to, but that hadn’t gone over well so far. “If you’re sure,” Dean offered hoping that left things open enough that Felix felt like he could speak up if he changed his mind.
He leaned in once again and pressed his lips against Felix’s. They kissed as Dean shifted on the bed, moving up more so he was kneeling between Felix’s widespread legs. Felix didn’t waste any time waiting to wrap his legs around Dean’s waist, which was undeniably sexy. As his lips worked against Felix’s, Dean reached between his own legs and took his own dick in hand to put himself in position. When he felt his head press against the dimple of Felix’s furrowed entrance, he pulled away from Felix’s lips ever so slightly. “Ready?” he asked breathlessly.
“Yeah,” Felix replied, and with this at least he seemed certain, “Just go for it already.”
Dean smirked at that before kissing Felix hard. As he kissed Felix as if his life depended on it, he pushed his hips forward as slowly and as gently as he could. There was a second where Dean could feel Felix’s tight hole resist before giving way, and Dean felt himself press past that tight rim.
The kiss ended almost the second Dean actually pushed inside because Felix turned his head away from Dean and let out a long wordless moan. Dean wasn’t much better as he groaned audibly at the sensation. He had thought Felix had felt tight on his fingers, but it was something else completely feeling that tightness wrapped around his hard dick.
As good as it felt, Dean still pushed in slowly, wanting to give Felix time to adjust. It felt like an hour, but it was probably more like five minutes before Dean was fully buried in the tight hot space of Felix’s ass.
It was so hot too, it filled Dean with the desire to shift and move and thrust in that snug heat. He didn’t, at least not right away. He waited a few seconds to give them both a chance to adjust. He listened to the sound of their heavy breaths mixing together in an arrhythmic way as he focused on all the things that could keep him grounded in reality rather than getting too lost in the sensation. There was just so much sensation and it was all so intense. It had stars dancing on the backs of his eyelids and electricity coursing through his veins.
When Felix’s breathing seemed to settle a little, and Dean thought the tight space of Felix felt a little more relaxed around him, he dared to move. It wasn’t anything big or dramatic, just a small experimental thrust, but it was enough to have Dean gripping the sheets at the feeling of it. Felix gasped and threw his head back as well, but the sound of him was at least practically drowned out by the sound of Dean’s blood rushing through his ear.
Dean didn’t know why he was already so close to coming, but he could feel the cold heat already rushing toward critical mass deep in his stomach. It wasn’t like it was his first time, but it sort of felt like it. Maybe it was just the months of tension that led to that moment, or maybe it was just that Felix felt that good.  
He kissed at Felix’s jaw, licked at his throat, and nipped at his earlobe as he found a gentle rhythm. The sounds of Felix gasping and sighing with pleasure at Dean’s every motion was like music to his ears. The smell of Felix, a mix of lemony soap and sweat was like a blissful haze over Dean’s senses which erased anything in the world that wasn’t Felix.
Dean body practically ached to go faster but he still had just enough reason to hold off. So many months of taking things slow, Dean knew this wasn’t the time to rush. The feel of Felix’s strong fingers tangling in his hair, his hard body under him, his tight rim gripping around his dick with Dean’s every motion and the warmness that lay beyond, it was all so much different than anything Dean had experience with his previous girlfriends. For the first time, Dean realized what everyone kept telling him about how this was going to be a first time for him too.  It definitely felt new.
Organically, slow experimental motions morphed to certain and rhythmic thrusts. The sounds Felix made changed with his motions: gasps and sighs turning to moans, cries, and the occasional curse word. All of it sounded pleasured, but just like when Dean had been fingering him, Felix was too quiet. Dean was used to the near constant string of profanity from Felix when they fooled around. He was pretty sure the only time Felix was quiet was when they were at Felix’s place, and Leonard was working in the other room, and that always seemed like it took some effort.
As Dean continued to move and Felix’s tight rim slid around his girth with the smallest motion filling Dean with such intense sensation, he ran one hand down Felix’s side. The feel of hard muscle as his fingers ran down Felix’s side and over his hip before settling to grip his thick thigh was especially thrilling. With that grip, Dean gently urged Felix’s thigh up until it came to rest over the top of Dean’s hip. It was barely a change, but it felt like so much more- tighter and hotter and just more.
“Fuck,” Felix moaned under him. Dean felt his fingers tug at his hair, and he heard the rustle of sheets underneath them as Felix scratched at them. “Dean…ooooh….there,” he moaned as he threw his head back a little.
“Felix,” Dean moaned. His hair tingled, and it felt like fire was running through his veins. It was all a million times more perfect the Dean had ever dared to imagine it would be.
He kissed at Felix’s neck as he felt Felix release his hair in favor of gripping at his bicep. The feeling of Felix’s short nails biting into his arm definitely wasn’t a negative. It probably shouldn’t have been, but Dean found it strangely arousing. It helped to give Dean something to focus on besides how tight and warm Felix felt and the growing ball of tension in his groin.
“Dean,” Felix moaned as his grip on Dean’s arm tightened almost painfully.
Dean tightened his own grip on Felix’s meaty thigh as he moved. “Felix,” he gasped out the name in the curve of Felix’s throat.
“Fu…ck,” Felix moaned with increased intensity, “Fuck, Dean!”
God, Dean hoped that meant Felix was getting close because he wasn’t sure how long he could resist the ecstasy that he could feel building within himself begging for release. “Yum, Felix,” he gasped into the crook of Felix’s throat, “You feel so…-” tight, warm, and perfect, “-good.”
“Ah, Dean!” Felix cried out in the most beautiful way Dean had ever heard, “Fuck I-”
“Felix,” Dean whimpered in response. Felix’s thighs tightened their hold on Dean’s waist and the heels of his feet pressed against Dean’s ass every time he pulled back urging him to thrust forward again. “Oh, wow,” Dean moaned as his arms began to shake with the intensity of the moment.
Dean gave in to his own desire and increased the speed of his thrusts a little. His toes practically curled at the sound of Felix gasping with pleasure at the subtle change. “Dean!” Felix moaned desperately as Dean could feel him growing tighter. There was a moment, no more than half a heartbeat, where the grip Felix’s thighs had on Dean’s waist became almost painful and then it all came to a perfect disastrous end.
“Fuck!” Felix cried out at an almost deafening volume as Dean felt him shutter under his continued thrusting. The way Felix’s thighs quivered around his waist, how he arched up off the bed, and how his nails bit into the meat of Dean’s arm were nothing compared to the feel of Felix’s entrance actually pulsing around his girth or the subtle but unmistakable feeling of hot cum spraying between them and across Felix’s stomach and chest.
Dean couldn’t ignore the perfection of knowing he had gotten Felix to cum or the rapidly building ball of pleasure deep within himself. The dam broke and a wave of undefinable, indescribable bliss washed over him as he managed a few last thrusts.
He may have gasped or moan. He could have prayed to every deity he could think of, Dean wasn’t sure. There was a long moment where the only things he knew was Felix: the smell of him, the taste, the feel of his skin against his own and his warmth. His entire existence buzzed warmly like the static that existed between radio stations.
Reality came back slowly and still far too fast before Dean couldn’t ignore the way his arms shook from the effort of holding himself up a second longer. He still managed to push himself up a little more unburying himself from the crook of Felix’s throat.
He gazed at the perfect that was Felix laying under him. He looked much like Dean felt: disheveled, exhausted to the point of being spent, and completely satisfied. His dark hair was tousled and spiked from sweat, his chest was heaving as he panted like he had just ran ten miles, his face was flush from the exertion, and he was wearing an easy little smile.
Dean could feel himself grinning ear to ear to the point that he was sure his face would actually hurt from it later, but he couldn’t stop himself. He was brave enough to dare lift one hand and reached down to brush a stray piece of hair back from Felix’s forehead.
“We really shouldn’t have waited so long to do that,” Dean admitted softly. He remembered his reasons for wanting to wait, and he still saw the logic in them, but they just didn’t seem as pressing as they had before.
Felix made a dismissive little noise and smirked up at him. “That was all you dude,” he reminded. The tone was very much an I told you so sort of thing, and Dean knew he deserved that.
“Right,” Dean admitted. It wasn’t like he could deny it because Felix had been saying he was ready and willing for months, and Dean had been the one putting the brakes on the whole thing. “I’m a fucking idiot,” he admitted sincerely.
It probably hadn’t been a perfect first time for Felix, but perfect was such an unreasonable goal, Dean recognized that now. It had still been pretty fucking incredible, and a hell of a lot better than either of Dean’s first times with his previous girlfriends. That was the thing that mattered, and Dean hoped that it had lived up to whatever expectations Felix had had.
He looked over Felix under him. He was glistening with sweat and there were a few streaks of sticky white cum on his chest and stomach. “And you’re hot as fuck,” he pointed out without shame. He didn’t think Felix could get any more attractive than he was, but he had. Dean could have simply marveled at the fact that Felix was his forever, he was that good-looking.
Felix pushed up and caught Dean’s lips in a quick kiss. The lust from before was cooled so the kiss felt affectionate and maybe a little lazy but not in a bad way. It spoke perfectly to the lingering sense bliss that Dean could feel wrapped around his senses.
Somewhat reluctantly, Dean pulled back and out of Felix’s warmth. Felix immediately groaned out a curse at the motion. It was definitely not a good sound.
Dean definitely had a moment of panic. Could he have misread everything so badly? Had he somehow managed to hurt Felix at some point and hadn’t realized? Was he really fucking it up now?
He swallowed all the panic down as he sat back on his haunches. “You okay?” He questioned with concern.
“Yeah, that just feels fucking weird,” Felix admitted as he pushed up a little, so he was sitting with his back resting against the pillows. He meant that, Dean could tell, which was a huge relief. As Felix reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a few tissues Dean pulled off the condom and climbed off the bed to dispose of it.
“Guess I’m just not a fan of that part,” Felix added as he blotted at the streaks of cum that were starting to pool in the curves that outlined the muscles of his stomach.
Dean returned to the bed and sat down so he was sitting cross-legged in front of Felix. He could have been happy to just stare at Felix laying naked on his bed like some kind of sex god, but he managed to find words. “What about the other parts?” he asked sincerely.
Felix looked up from his work as he continued to clean the mess off his chest and stomach and stared at Dean with a completely unreadable expression. “I mean you couldn’t tell?” he questioned gravely. There was a second where Dean was pretty sure his heart had literally climbed into his throat, and he couldn’t breathe until the wickedest little smirk spread across Felix’s perfect lips. He corked an eyebrow at Dean sardonically before asking, “Or are you just one of those guys that need to hear that you totally rocked my world? Is your ego really that fragile?”
Dean let out a long breath he really hadn’t been trying to hold and tried to play it off as a little laugh. “I don’t need to hear it, but it doesn’t hurt,” he admitted. That might not have been completely true because just hearing Felix allude to that had him breathing easier, but he wasn’t going to admit that. There really was no hiding the grin that he felt spread across his face. “Did I really rock your world?” he questioned teasingly.
“You are such a fucking asshole,” Felix declared as he reached out and gave Dean’s shoulder a playful shove.
There was no heat in it. It was such a playful and easy thing, and Dean couldn’t have asked for anything more perfect. He laughed and moved up the bed to lay down next to Felix. “Sorry,” he offered as he settled on his side to gaze at Felix still naked and next to him on the bed.
Felix tossed the used tissues in his hand in the direction of the trash can. He missed by a mile and didn’t seem to care as he moved to settle back on the bed with Dean. He laid so he was staring up at the cracked and discolored ceiling as Dean lay on his side next to him staring at him with complete reverence.
They didn’t really talk, and they didn’t need to. There was something perfect and comfortable in the shared silence. For a while, all there was was the sound of their soft breaths. After a moment, Dean reached out one hand and started to run his fingers down the hard lines of Felix’s body softly. Felix let out a low hum like a purr which certainly didn’t discourage Dean from continuing to touch him.
Felix was the most perfect thing that Dean had ever had in his life, and he was starting to think that he would never know anything better. Dean didn’t want anything or anyone else because how could anything ever compare to Felix or that moment.
Dean was the one that broke the silence with a question he hadn’t realized was on his mind until he was asking it out loud. “Would you want to stay over?” he questioned. Once it was said, Dean realized how badly he wanted that. He didn’t want to bring Felix home ever, he definitely didn’t want to bring him home that night.
Felix turned his head and looked at Dean with clear confusion coloring his bright hazel eyes. “Like tonight?” he asked uncertainly.
“Yeah,” Dean answered with a little nod. It was stupid, but he suddenly felt nervous or bashful about it. He was preparing himself for Felix to turn him down or just not be able to. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked at all to avoid any awkwardness, but he still really didn’t want to take Felix home. “My dad’s in Nashville for a three-day gig so I have the house to myself,” he explained as he focused his attention on his fingers ghosting over the prominent bone at Felix’s hip. “I thought maybe, I don’t know, you could stay if you wanted, and if your dad was cool with it,” he offered to try to offer Felix as many outs as he could think of just in case.
Felix stretched much like a cat in the sun, and it was equal parts sexy and lazy. Dean didn’t have much time to think any beside how he liked seeing Felix like that before Felix rolled over, so he was laying on his side facing Dean. Their knees just barely touched as Felix settled next to him with a thoughtful expression written across his face. He reached out a hand and gently pushed a stray hair away from Dean’s face before declaring seriously, “You are so lucky you are hot and good in bed because you ask stupid fucking questions sometimes.” Dean blushed despite himself and tried to downcast his eyes, but he and Felix were laying too close so there was no avoid Felix’s gaze. The hand that had so gently pushed the hair from Dean’s face settled at his hip as a cocky little smile spread across Felix’s face. “Of course I want to,” Felix assured in such a confident way it. “And my dad can go fuck himself for all I care,” Felix declared which really wasn’t anything new for Felix, but it still made Dean smile. He was sure it was a mindless thing, but Felix started tracing little circles on the skin of Dean’s hip which was pretty distracting in all the best ways. “But if I’m staying we have to order a pizza or something because I’m fucking starving,” Felix informed.
“God, me too,” Dean admitted with a little laugh. He had been so anxious about the day that eating before Felix came over had seemed pretty unappealing. Now that the anxiety was gone Dean was left feeling very satisfied from the sex and very hungry. “Do you want pizza?” he questioned as his mind started to run through the options. “No one delivers out here,” he admitted. His place was too far from town for shit like that which was one of the many reasons Dean had been so driven to get a car when he was sixteen. They could also drive into town for food, but that involved things like going outside or putting on clothes which Dean wasn’t really into. Or at least he wasn’t into the idea of Felix putting on clothes. He wanted Felix to stay naked forever. “It is probably quicker if I just cook something,” he offered.
“It’s food, I’m there,” Felix replied quickly before seeming to think about it. “You cook?” he questioned looking at Dean with a bit of surprise.
“Yeah, I cook,” Dean admitted with a smile. His dad was actually a pretty good cook, but he had just never been around consistently enough for Dean to ever rely on it. He had learned to cook at a young age as a survival mechanism, and it just sort of stuck. Dean guessed that was just another way Felix got to learn something new about him.
He started to roll over with the intent of getting up as he declared, “Just give me a few minutes, and I can get something started.”
Dean didn’t even manage to roll completely over before Felix hand caught him at the hip and stopped him. “Not right now,” Felix declared before moving on the bed until he was snuggled against Dean’s back with his arm slung over Dean’s stomach. “We should just lay for a little while longer,” Felix offered with none of the confidence he had only seconds before.
“Yeah,” Dean agreed happily as he settled back into Felix’s embrace, “I like that idea.”
Again, I hope this lived up to expectations!
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{ @quillandinkjournalism | @nightmare-keef }
Jamie had been staying in Nightmare's suite for a few days now. He'd done a significant amount of work on his article, but wasn't ready to send it out. Otherwise, he'd spent much of his time trying, and failing, to relax. He'd kept to himself, really, aside from a few brief visits from Nightmare. He'd spent a lot of time crying over the last few wasted months. The fear of being alone. Trying to learn to readjust.
He wasn't sure why it felt like everything was falling apart now, when he was safe on the Massive and Christopher was far away. Loud noises still startled him and he still didn't feel like himself. He had night terrors. He'd gotten numb with Christopher; it became normal, like being with him was just how it was supposed to be.
Currently, Jamie lay in bed after trying to soothe himself with a long bath with unexpectedly luxurious products, having sat with a glass of wine and a book of poetry. But he felt worse the moment he got out, seeing that his bruises had hardly faded. His knee wasn't sore anymore, but he still bore the marks. After some time in bed, Jamie wiggled over for his phone, sending out a text.
[TXT] Hey Keef. Would you want to come visit with me for a little while?
Nightmare had been distracted easily over the last few days. He felt twitterpated all over again, just like he had when he and Jamie were first getting to know each other. But he knew that it just was not the time. It was not the place. There was healing to be done and boundaries that had to be upheld. Being supportive from a slight distance was the very best thing he could do for Jamie right now.
Not that it stopped his heart from settling in his throat whenever his phone chimed.
The redhead had been washing fruit for lunch when one such message came through, causing him to jump slightly, managing to slice his thumb on the blade. He cursed under his breath, bringing the finger up to his mouth as he read the message and typed one back with one hand.
[TXT] Of course. :D
[TXT] I am in the kitchen. Got any requests?
Jamie picked up his phone when the messages came through, tugging it under the blankets with him and reading them in the darkness of his covers, a small smile tugging at his lips at Nightmare's response. He'd always been such a sweetheart.
The brunette considered the question for a moment, smiling a little wider when he decided how to respond.
[TXT] Are there any of those fruit tarts left from dessert yesterday? I liked those. I think I could probably eat an entire tray of them if you let me.
[TXT] And maybe a cup of coffee.
He nestled further into the bed, holding his phone to his chest. He couldn't help the way his heart skipped a beat. Everything was so different, but even all of the things he knew about Nightmare now - the boy was so much the same. Sweet, loving, kind, reliable. He sighed softly.
Nightmare smiled softly at the response. Of course he wanted coffee. He would be legitimately surprised to find that the human's blood was not composed completely of the stuff.
[TXT] I am sure I can find a few of them left over. They are pretty much a staple of the royal household.
[TXT] And - cup o' Joe.  You got it.
The redhead set about gathering up as many of the Tarts as he could put on one tray and brewing some fresh coffee. Dib had been very particular about stocking legitimate coffee from Earth, quite unimpressed with the synthetic stuff the Irkens were able to replicate. He spent probably ly a bit longer than he needed to drawing a tiny Eiffel Tower in the foam of one oversized mug before setting it and the remaining pot on the tray and stepping forward, through the shadow and into the hallway just outside his room.
He raised his hand, rapping his knuckles against the metal door and called out, "Jamie? Can I come in? I come bearing gifts of coffee and snacks."
Jamie couldn't help the big grin that split across his features, tossing the blankets off of him and sitting up in the bed. "Yeah, of course. Come on in. It's open."
He was wearing a comfortable and extremely soft cream-colour oversized sweater, paired with simple black leggings and fluffy reading socks. It didn't seem to matter what time of year it was, when he was home he wore whatever was the most comfortable, even at risk of complaining about the temperature.
Not that it was evening at all, and he likely shouldn't have been hiding in bed - Jamie flushed a little and pulled the blanket up over his knees.
If Nightmare thought it was inappropriate to be lounging in bed at this time of day, he called exactly zero attention to it. Instead, he walked in with a bright smile on his face, wearing vibrantly green jeans and a black t-shirt with the logo for Wicked across the chest, paired with a green newspaper boy cap and suspenders. As he made his way over to his small table to set down the tray he greeted happily, "I have succeeded in acquiring a fair few tiny fruit tarts and some caffeine."
He picked up the coffee from the tray, carrying it over to the bed where he sat on the edge and handed it over to the human asking, "How are you feeling today, James?"
"Good," Jamie replied at first, smiling at Nightmare's adorable outfit and taking the coffee gently in his hands before he sighed and looked down at the little Eiffel Tower drawn in his foam. "Well. No, that's not entirely true," he began, "I was doing better this morning. And then I got into a bit of a funk, I guess."
Shooting his head back up, he forced a smile at Nightmare and added, "Thank you. For bringing me tarts and coffee. I'm glad to see you. How are you?"
Nightmare pouted slightly but within a moment his smile was back and he replied, "It is understandable for funks to happen. You have been through quite the ordeal."
He tilted his head to the side and asked sweetly, "Would you like to talk about it or would you like to be distracted from it?"
Jamie took a sip of his coffee, pulling a face when it was still just little too hot. "I think for now I would like to be distracted. But if I want to talk about it later would that be okay?"
He couldn't help but to curse himself under his breath, raising a hand to adjust his glasses uncomfortably. He really wasn't the type to ask things like that - if he was feeling something, normally Nightmare would get an earful of it while he stormed around the apartment, blathering about what it was that made him upset until he felt better. He did what he wanted, within reason of course, but he wasn't timid by any means.
Nightmare smiled softly and gave a nod, "Of course. I am always happy to listen to you but I will do my best at being entertaining unless you decide that a listening ear is something you want."
The redhead twisted his wrist in the air and was suddenly holding a deck of cards. Whether it was sleight of hand or actual magic was uncertain. He gave a smile and asked, "Wanna play some cards?"
Jamie laughed when the cards seemed to appear out of nowhere, picking up one of the tarts as he nodded, "Yes. I'd love to. But you know how bad I am at cards."
Nightmare smiled as he began to shuffle the cards, in a manner which he told himself was not an attempt to show off in any way, merely to entertain the boy and distract him from his woes, "You are plenty good at some games. I distinctly remember you beating me at Go Fish five hands in a row the night we moved downtown and they did not turn the power on until the next day."
He began to deal out some cards and asked, "M'kay, so do you want Go Fish or do you want Slap Jack?"
Jamie laughed, taking a big sip of his coffee before setting it on the table next to the bed and repositioning himself, sitting cross-legged across from Nightmare. "That was a really good night," He said, "We ordered really horrible takeout and I played music on my phone. Uh… Go Fish. I think my chances are a little better."
Nightmare grinned down at the cards as he mused back, "That was really the very worst Chinese food I have ever tasted in my life. What even was that mu shu wrap? I swear to Christ they just opened a pack of flour tortillas and called it good."
He looked up with a smirk and added, "I did make good on my word for vengeance in the form of a scathing Google review."
"You did. That was the best-worded negative review I've read in my life. You really should have turned it into slam poetry, honestly," Jamie giggled, sorting through the cards in his hands before looking up and asking, "Got any sixes?"
The redhead chuckled, plucking a six out of his hand and passing it over to the other. "I could probably track it down again. But I have never been much of a poet."
Nightmare kicked off his shoes before folding his legs up on the bed and getting a bit more comfortable. He smiled up at the brunette and said, "Maybe I could get a shitty fast food critic column in Quill and Ink, though. I will make them extra funny."
"Hah, thank you," Jamie said, taking the six and pairing them together. "I think you should do it. It would be really funny. And I am sure our readers would dig a bit more comedy. Do you still read it?" He asked, humming over his cards for a moment before adding, "Got any twos?"
"I can probably do that. Gives me a reason to eat out at all the shitty fast food places that I totally never go to because I am a good boy and always stick to my budget." He pulled a two from his hand, passing it over and adding, "That was sarcasm, by the by."
He flashed another smile and admitted, "Well, from my perspective it has been quite a while since I have read it. In the Nightmare and everything. But I do not think I have missed any issues."
"Sure you are," Jamie snickered and continued as he settled his twos, "I keep forgetting about that time difference. It was so quick for me that it's hard to remember you were gone for so long. What… What was it like there?" He asked, lowering his cards for a moment with a frown. "You haven't told me much about that place. Dib either, really."
Nightmare gave a shrug, but he continued to look up at the human, "Spooky. Cold. Dark. I mean it is like a reflection of this world, but just… way more fog and ambient screaming."
"Oh," Jamie said, chewing on his lip for a moment before continuing, "I'm sorry you got stuck in there again. All of you. Um. Have a Jack?" he asked a little awkwardly, casting Nightmare a light smile.
The redhead gave another shrug and replied with a smile, "It was not so bad without the Professor there. He was super fucked up. But like… the other Nightmares? They are alright people. We were on the Massive, kind of. But the Tallests had their nightmares and Dib and Zim. Even Mika and the smeets. And really they were alright. We all worked together to get through it because they were kind of separated from their reality too."
He plucked a Jack out of his hand and passed it over - how likely is it that he had been dealt all of these cards? That is neither here nor there.
"Oh," Jamie replied, raising his eyebrows as he took and sorted the Jacks off to the side, "I didn't know that. Is there a nightmare version of like… Everybody? How does that work? Aaaand do you have an ace?"
Keef hummed softly and replied. "It is really up to Dib, I would think. I know that the majority of the people that have doppelgangers are people who Dib had direct reason to fear, so it is hard to say who all made it in. I adore that boy but he has some issues."
He dropped his hands to his lap and added chipperly, "Go Fish."
Jamie laughed at the response, drawing from the pile and grinning widely when he drew his ace, showing it off to Keef with a snicker as he sorted it aside as well. "Looks like Go Fish is the game for me. And he really does. Always had, that one," he snickered, asking, "What about a nine?"
Nightmare grinned widely at the remark, glancing down at the four cards left in his hand and musing, "It certainly looks like you are stomping me." He plucked a nine from his hand and passed it over adding, "We should play cards more often."
"You'll have to teach me some more games," Jamie said with a grin, setting the cards aside and humming for a minute before he scooped them all up together. "I'm gonna chalk that up as a win. Sit with me?" He asked, handing the cards all to Nightmare and settling back in the pillows, picking up another tart and eating it more slowly.
Nightmare snatched up his own cards as well as Jamie's, shuffling them once back into the deck which seemed to simply vanish in his hand as he nodded at the request. The redhead began to crawl along the bed until he was able to turn and rest against the headboard and mused, "I would be happy to teach you some new games. I bet you would really like War or Speed. They are a lot of fun."
"Yeah? It might be nice to know how to play some different ones. Maybe one day I'll actually be pretty good," Jamie replied, smiling at Nightmare before he decided to lean in a little bit, just nearly resting against him but leaving enough space so they weren't quite touching, not wanting to overstep any boundaries.
Nightmare did not miss the sudden much closer proximity. His cheeks flushed brightly and he lifted his eyes to look at the ceiling, wringing the hem of his shirt in his hands as he mentally told himself that he was a professional and he had to be able to not give in to the fluttering feelings in his chest. He nodded and replied, "Yeah. I would love to teach you some games and I am sure you will catch on in no time. It will be lots of fun."
Jamie didn't miss the signs of nervousness. He knew Nightmare well enough at this point, and besides, he acted much the same way on their first few dates, even clumsily knocking a tray of dishes out of the server's hands by accident. Jamie scooched a little closer, leaning just slightly into Nightmare and replying, "It will be. Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?"
Keef glanced back up at Jamie, flushing all the brighter as the human closed more of the gap between them and he responded with a timid smile, "Not really. I was just planning on spending some time with you. I do not have much in the way of work right now because even though I was gone for two years I am still, technically, on the two-month sabbatical that I took from my practice. Not on probation anymore though. The Tallests are considering it 'time served' and just wrote off my charges."
"Well, I'm really glad to hear that your probation is finished. You can come and go as you like now, yeah?" Jamie asked, smiling down at Nightmare and humming as he snuggled a bit closer. "It's funny. We'd always talked about taking a vacation together and we were always so busy with our work we never got the chance."
Nightmare chuckled softly, bringing one hand up to his hair nervously, accidentally knocking off his cap as Jamie pressed himself against him and replied, "I ah. Oops. Yeah. I guess I can. You know… leave if I wanted to." He took a shaky breath before flashing a bright smile up at the human and asking, "If you were able to take a vacation, where would you want to go?"
Jamie giggled, plucking up the fallen cap and putting it on himself, sending his fluff of brown hair into his eyes before resting his head on Nightmare's shoulder. "I dunno. Somewhere warm I think. Cocktails by the pool. Or maybe somewhere historical and fabulous like Prague or Rome, or maybe Berlin. What about you? I guess with space travel that opens up a ton of options, huh?" He asked, reaching down to pick up one of Keef's hands in both of his own, turning it over to trace lines on his palm and examining his green nail polish.
"I like warm places," Nightmare replied distractedly as Jamie leaned against him and took his hand. He cleared his throat softly and added, "I ah. I have always wanted to go to Ireland. I mean. Not exactly warm. But I like the green. Or ah. Rome would be nice, yeah."
"A holiday in Rome would be incredible," Jamie agreed, falling silent for a few moments and turning to look at Nightmare, catching the blush on his cheeks against the stunning green of his eyes. It was like being with him took away all the worry and difficulty he had been dealing with. Leaning forward, he cautiously pressed a chaste kiss against Nightmare's cheek before pulling back again.
Nightmare was not certain he could blush any harder until the instant that he absolutely did. He shifted his hand to touch the spot on his cheek with the tips of his fingers, letting out a soft sigh. He looked up at the human with his brow furrowed and said softly, barely above a whisper, "I… I'm a monster, James. You don't… you don't want to do this."
Jamie blinked a couple of times at Nightmare's words, raising a hand up to caress his cheek with a slightly concerned expression. "Keef… I have seen you. I know what you are. But more importantly, I know who you are. And even more importantly than that, I don't think anyone, especially now, has any right to tell me what I do and don't want. And I want to kiss you."
Nightmare sighed softly, leaning into the touch but averting his eyes at the words. He wrung his shirt in his hands and said quietly, "I want to. I have missed you so much. I have wanted nothing more than to kiss you for such a long time. I..  I worry though. That with everything you have gone through… that I might be taking advantage."
Jamie's expression softened at Nightmare's words, taking the boy's hands in his own to stop their wringing, squeezing them tightly. "All I've wanted since that day I left the Massive was to see you again. And I thought maybe if… Maybe if I had a stupid little rebound fling that I could come back to you clear headed."
He sighed and looked away, resting into Nightmare slightly. "But it got out of hand. It's my fault, I shouldn't have - I should've been more confident in myself that you were what I wanted. You've always been what I wanted."
Nightmare did not stop Jamie from taking his hands and slowly turned his eyes upward to look at him as he spoke, though he had the general look of a dog begging for scraps or affection.  He swallowed thickly, his mouth feeling incredibly dry as he asked softly, "Are… are you sure?"
"Yes," Jamie replied, leaning in just slightly and looking into Nightmare's eyes. "Yes, I'm absolutely positive. Please. Kiss me."
The redhead brought his bottom lip between his teeth at the answer. It was the answer that he definitely wanted to hear. The one that he had hoped for and fantasized about for years. He had a hard time though, shaking away the fear that he was doing more harm than good.
But, even with the nagging fear Nightmare pressed forward to gently catch Jamie's lips, kissing him softly and sweetly. He brought his hand up to rest against the human's jaw and he could not help but to purr softly into it.
Jamie immediately melted into the kiss, leaning forward to return it just as softly and letting his eyes slip closed. He let out a happy hum, sliding his hands up to grasp Nightmare by the suspenders, smiling just slightly into the kiss. It was everything he had wanted, too. It was like everything settled back into place.
Nightmare had forgotten how soft Jamie was, how sweet he tasted and how perfectly they seemed to fit together. He wanted to give into all the feelings that he had managed to bury down deep for so long, to tousle with the human in the sheets and feel him more thoroughly. But instead be gave a few more very soft kisses and pulled away just enough to say, "I missed you so much, Jamie."
Jamie whined when Nightmare pulled back from the kiss, but he was still smiling when he replied, "I missed you too Keef. I really, really missed you." He leaned forward again, kissing Nightmare a little more deeply, letting his hands slide up along his chest. His lips were perfect, all that he had been craving for months.
Nightmare gave a soft moan into the kiss, pressing forward to meet the enthusiasm of Jamie's kiss with equal exuberance. He could not really believe that this is how this situation ended up panning out. He had spent so long trying to get over this boy. He didn't even dare imagine that someday Jamie would want to take him back.
The redhead pulled away again, catching his breath but managing to say, "James. I think. Um. I think we should slow down. A little… can… can we maybe just. I dunno. Cuddle, maybe?"
Jamie was flushed when Nightmare pulled away from him, panting lightly. He looked to the redhead with a smile, nodding and holding his arms open for Nightmare to snuggle up to him. "It… Yes. It's probably a good idea. To slow down. C'mere."
Nightmare let out a sigh of relief when Jamie agreed to slow down. It was, by no means, because he did not want this. But he did not want to fuck this up. The redhead moved into the space created by the boy's outstretched arms, pressing his head against his chest and purring softly at the sweet contact.
He let his hands rest on Jamie's chest, fingers flexing softly in the fabric of his sweater much like a cat kneading. Nightmare glanced up at the boy and quietly said, "Thank you, Jamie."
"I should be thanking you, Keef," Jamie hummed, wrapping his arms around Nightmare and lifting a hand to pet his hair. "I'd be so lost without you. I'm sorry I'm still… A little loopy. It's worse when I'm alone." He leaned down, pressing a kiss into Keef's hair. "There are very few things that make sense right now, or that feel right. But you do."
Nightmare refrained from stating that a monster making sense and feeling right spoke volumes about the boy's mental state. While he felt it was true, it was unhelpful.
Instead, he snuggled close to him, hiding his face in the thick fabric of his sweater and purred softly into the crook of his neck as he whispered, "You do not have to be alone anymore."
Jamie held Nightmare firmly, reveling in finally being close to him again and allowing himself what he’d been wanting all this time. “I know,” he replied quietly, not sure that there was anything else left to say. He let himself go quiet, just enjoying Nightmare’s company and the closeness of him, the way his hands felt against his chest.
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ruffsficstuffplace · 6 years ago
Text
And The AWRD Goes To (Part 64)
Note: Lyrics originally by kran* at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ov5IyW-O6bg and Will Stetson at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QsjrS_xxpI, used without permission and modified by me.
The current version here used is shortened, and relies on a remix of the track I made in my head. Sadly no accurate backing music to that.
9:30 PM, the Professional bracket of the Moonlight Serenade began in earnest.
Crews rushed in and assembled their sets and props in Devalekha’s famous revolving stage. The contestants, their crews, and their supporting members packed the dressing rooms full, if they didn’t have trailers of their own. The hosts smiled as they subjected the audience to enough noise and spectacle to drown out the sounds of frantic construction, and roar of the stage’s complex machinery just behind the curtains.
The seats were packed full with people, from the luxury boxes filled with wealthy individuals, talent scouts, and many of the sponsors for the contestants; the rows upon rows of benches reserved for the rest of the paying audience members; and especially those standing around on the fringes, trying to find the vantage point to escape the crush, or just watch the show, live on the stage or through any of the giant screens attached to the sides of patrolling airships.
And of course, the fans and supporters were out in full force. Whether they were packed together in matching colours like armies, or spread out in small handfuls all over the area, they were all armed with banners, posters, and words to be shouted at the top of their lungs, to their favoured contestant, or to anyone who dared voice the opinion that they might be flawed, or worse yet, inferior in comparison to a different performer that night.
“MARU FOR LIFE!” some random fan dressed in purple cried, their companions chiming in too.
“MIRA IS BETTER!” came from the group opposite them, all dressed in orange instead.
Just beside the two warring groups, the older Schnees, Taiyang, and Zwei did their best to ignore them, but their increasingly passionate arguments began to drown out the background music and the words of the hosts.
A minute in, Freya snapped. “Will you all SHUT THE FUCK UP?!” she yelled as she sat atop Nick’s shoulders. “I’m here to watch the show, not bear witness to your senseless bickering!”
“Piss off, lady, this isn’t your fight!” someone from the Orange team cried.
“Yeah, shut up, this is none of your business!” someone from the Purple team added.
Freya’s ears pulled back, her tail stiffened, and her hands balled into fists. “And if you both annoy me enough that I make it my business...?” she growled.
“Yeah, what’re you going to do, call the cops on us?” someone from Orange taunted.
Freya smiled.
“Freya...” Nick said quietly, but it was too late.
A monstrous screech filled the air, the crowds started to panic and whip their heads about, screaming as they saw a giant, slate blue nevermore’s head sticking out of a glyph. It threateningly snapped its beak a few times, glared evilly at the Orange and Purple teams, but did nothing more.
Almost immediately, a police patrol airship was hovering over them, its spotlights shining down on the them. “Break it up, break it up!” said a voice over a megaphone. “And get rid of that Grimm!”
The nevermore turned to Freya, she nodded, and it obediently faded away into slate blue mist. The two teams began to split apart in retreat, the other people in the crowd rushing in to fill the space.
“Thank you for cooperating, and please do not harass, threaten, and/or use violence and semblances on your fellow audience members, or otherwise disrupt the event,” said the officer on the megaphone. “We would like to remind you that it is illegal to do so, and we have the right to immediately eject you from the premises, and pursue further legal action, if necessary.”
The ship left to patrol other areas, the wedge driven between the two groups seemed too large for them to argue anymore. Freya smiled, and said, “Much better.”
“That was a little excessive, don’t you think?” Taiyang asked.
“Yes, yes it was, Mr. Xiao-Long, but mark my words: no one and nothing is going to ruin my granddaughter’s performance tonight, and my enjoyment of it.” Freya replied. “It was already insidiously sabotaged once, I will not stand idly by and let it happen a second time.”
“Oh, come on, Grandma! You can’t honestly still believe that after all these years?” Winter asked.
Snowie gently nudged her in the side, and said, “Just let it go, baby.”
Winter sighed heavily, and did.
Elsewhere, Weiss and Aqua were in the communal dressing room, sitting at one of the many vanity tables. They were a patch of relative calm in the sea of chaos and busy work, Aqua doing little more than retouching the make-up Weiss already had on, and adding some extra decorative markings and putting on ornate jewelry that would have looked off outside of the stage.
“You nervous?” Aqua asked as she dipped her brush back into the bottle.
“A little.” Weiss replied.
“Well you shouldn’t be,” Aqua said as she let the excess drip off, before she resumed her work. “You’re going to absolutely kill it out there, and that’ll just be with your singing.”
Weiss smiled slightly. “You sound so confident...”
“Because I know just how good you are, Weiss,” Aqua said, smiling as she made one last careful stroke. “There, all done. What do you think?”
“I’m absolutely terrified of sweating, touching my face, or otherwise marring all this wonderful work,” Weiss replied calmly. “Thank you, Aqua.”
Aqua laughed, before her expression turned serious. “Can I confess something to you, Weiss? It’s not recent, just… really long overdue.”
“Uh, sure… what is it?” Weiss asked.
“I was really intimidated and worried about losing to you, the first time you competed here,” Aqua started. “Topaz wasn’t that worried when she did some oppo research and those videos of you performing at Hoshiko and Sanctum popped, but I could just tell you had It—stage presence, appearance, and a talent honed to razor-sharpness. So when I sidled up to you on the night, chatted you up, and saw how flustered you were getting…
“I went full on Sun Tzu, and I am really sorry I did, however little that probably means by now.”
Weiss nodded slowly. “Was the relationship after that some kind of insurance that I’d never compete again?” she asked half-jokingly.
Aqua smiled. “Nah. That was because I find out your cuteness wasn’t all skin deep afterward.” She sighed, and looked down. “You deserved so much better than me, Weiss… better than how I treated you, better than how it all ended...”
Weiss gently put a hand on Aqua’s arm. “Let’s not dwell on the past, Aqua—especially not when we’ve got a show to put on so soon,” she said, smiling.
Aqua looked up and slowly smiled back. “Yeah, you’re right… break a leg out there, Weiss.”
Outside, at the staging grounds, all the construction crews were getting ready, clearing paths for wheeling their equipment, props, and sets in and out; stretching and re-energizing themselves with snacks and stimulants; and running through plans and assignments all over again, just in case.
“Man, that cannon looks big enough to fire someone out of it!” Amanda said as she helped unload the contents of a Bunyan Logging Co. van. “I wonder if they’ll let me borrow it after the show...”
“Most probably not, and I politely ask that you put a stop to any other burgeoning plans involving it,” Diana said as she stood nearby with a clipboard in hand. “Whatever they are going to do with that, it will be a stunt that the inspectors have deemed safe and sane, and I am quite certain that whatever you are planning to do with it won’t be.”
Amanda scowled as she hauled a bundle of prop tools on her shoulder. “You’re no fun, Diana.”
“Well forgive me for thinking of the success of our show, and by consequence, the size of your paycheck once all of this is said and done,” Diana replied calmly. “It will not help our already risky plan in the slightest if any sort of untoward incident garners the wrong sort of attention to ourselves, and thus, the Bakunawa.”
“Alright, alright, no making after-gig plans, sheesh!” Amanda said, before she deposited the tools before Constanze, Akko, and a squad of training dummies.
“You excited to perform for real, Amanda?” Akko asked as she picked up a rake, and put it in a dummy’s hands.
“Hell yeah I am!” Amanda cried as she did the same with a scythe. “Not looking forward to having to stand around here with nothing to do till they let us out at 11:30, though. My cut better be higher than what Jaune got me to agree to way back when, or I am not going to be happy.”
“It’s not that long of a wait,” Akko said as she grabbed a pickaxe.
“It is when the only thing I’ll be able to do is walk around, twiddle my thumbs, or try to chat someone up!” Amanda replied as she kicked up a wooden mallet to her hands. “It’s fucking bullshit they won’t let us use our scrolls for anything other than emergency calls, man.”
“If it helps stop people from sabotaging the other contestants like they did in other years, I can’t really argue against it,” Akko said. “Maybe you should just pretend you’re on wild watch.”
“And here I am, the huntress who did everything she could to get out of wild watch...” Amanda grumbled as she rested the bulky head across a dummy’s shoulder. “Honestly, who’d willingly sign up for a job where you stand around in a tower for hours to days at a time, constantly watching and waiting for something to MAYBE happen…?”
Far and away from the lights and hubbub of the Tsukimi Festival, a few miles out from the city’s borders, Qrow stood alone in a wild watch tower, binoculars in one hand, the other hovering near a large bottle of alcohol with marker notches all over its side.
What was normally a relatively quiet patch of mountain wilderness was alive with the sounds of Grimm driven berserk by the moonlight, the wanton destruction they were causing, and the cries of animals that weren’t given the mercy of swift death. Your average army lookout or Grimm hunter would likely be hyper aware of every last noise as they cowered in a corner with weapon in hand, but Qrow had long tuned it all out, the area effectively dead-silent.
He was just about to take another measured sip of his drink when he heard it: a mechanical noise like a flying machine’s rotors, screeching and whirring like something particularly awful had gotten sucked into the turbines.
It only lasted for a second, but a second was all Qrow needed to whip his binoculars in the direction he’d heard it, tag the location on his scroll’s map, before he pulled it up. “Tower 7 to Central, Tower 7 to Central, come in, Central, over!” he barked.
“Central to 7, what is it, over?”
“Suspicious noise in the immediate vicinity, sounded mechanical, definitely not supposed to be around here tonight. Requesting permission to investigate, over.”
“Permission denied, 7, over.”
Qrow blinked. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. This is the first interesting thing that’s happened all night!”
“Not to us, 7. We’re stretched paper thin and just got ripped into even littler pieces with similar disturbances reported in the other areas; we need you to stay up there, and maintain your bird’s eye view until some of them start to report what they’ve found, and/or confirm they have returned to their posts, so remain in position and proceed as usual, 7, over.”
“...”
“Do you copy, 7, over?”
“Roger wilco, Central, 7 out.” Qrow said, before he sighed, put his scroll down, and picked his bottle back up. “Isn’t that just my luck…?” he muttered, before he took a long drink of it, ignoring the notches completely.
9:44, back at Devalekha Terrace, Luna Nova’s performance had been completely set-up. The Bunyan workers, Woody, and the Timber Wolves fled the area, everyone else got into their positions, be they human, Faunus, or a creature of aura.
In the center, Diana and Whitley wiped the sweat off Weiss’ face before it could start to ruin her make-up, the glow surrounding Akko and Ruby faded as they stopped channeling their aura into her. They each wished her “Break a leg.” or gave her reassuring looks, before the warning lights began to flash, the safety siren whined, and they hurried to their places.
The stage revolved once more, their section now faced the audience. The inner set of curtains whizzed by behind Weiss and obscured the set and the others, the outer set parted slowly, keeping Weiss from getting blinded by the bright studio lights beaming down on her.
“… And here she is, returning to the Moonlight Serenade after her debut four years earlier, contestant number #2, Weiss Schnee!” the hosts on-stage said, before they ran through the gamut of introductions, small talk, and of course, the ad spot for the Bakunawa.
“I hope to see you all again there later!” Weiss said flirtatiously, before she winked at the audience.
She did not have quite the same effect as Aqua had with her audiences in years past, but there was no time to worry about that, as the lights changed, the inner curtains rolled back, and the show began.
The music was upbeat and fast, the choreography just as energetic; Weiss danced across the stage, the background rapidly shifting and changing as she passed them by:
A beautiful mountaintop palace on the highest peaks of Mistral; the busy and bustling streets of a marketplace in the lower levels; to the rolling fields, thriving seas, and dust mines that fed the kingdom and its industries.
The dummies and the others mimed the daily lives of the people:
Aristocrats and royalty strolling through the gardens and enjoying the beauty; the common folk going about their business, creating art, and sometimes even fighting; and the workers toiling away, loading carts full of food, raw materials, and especially dust and jewels.
Whatever the scene, it was colourful, lively, and bright, cherry blossoms petals floating down all over the stage… and then, the “sky” grew black and thick with smoke and fire, everything was cast everything in dark, gloomy tones as the cherry blossom petals burned up and turned to ash.
With a bold and sudden calling, Northern Revolution's starting Steel your hearts, prepare yourselves, the Great Storm is coming Riding on their beasts of metal, ash and ruins left in their wake Drawing evil spirits like moths to the flame
Mantle soldiers started to charge in, bringing guns and war machines. People were shackled and herded off, instruments, brushes, and art pieces were torn out of hands or destroyed outright, those that resisted or tried to fight back were shot with impunity.
Weiss found herself in the thick of the horrors, dodging and weaving through the crossfire and the explosions.
On the great roads, soaring through the skies, let us move forward, don't look behind. Boys and girls bear blood of the samurai And the pride of their lives gone by.
Bandits and Grimm joined in the mess, Weiss managed to flee back to the palace, where inhabitants remained untouched, as happy and carefree as earlier, even with the Mantle soldiers and war machines surrounding them. With the brief pause in the music, Weiss put on expressions of confusion, horror, then rage; and as the chorus began, so did her plan.
Thousands of cherry blossoms dwindling in the light Though I can't hear your voice, keep what I say in mind - This bouquet that surrounds is iron poison, see, Looking down at us from that big guillotine
With deft acrobatics and graceful movements, evaded the guards and into a new location: a “vault” full of weapons and treasures, the Shiny Rod in the center. She spirited it away, out of the palace, guards chasing her through the market’s streets, to the fields and right into a Grimm attack on dust miners, handing the weapon to the first person she saw:
Akko.
Darkness has just engulfed the universe we know The lament that you sing can't reach ears anymore We are still far away from reaching clear blue skies Go ahead, keep fighting, ignite the light of hope!
Akko raised the Shiny Rod and a fake dust crystal, a bright flash “vanquished” some of the Grimm. The tide began to turn, more fighting, “gunfire,” and explosions rocked the stage as the Mantle soldiers came in.
Veterans who've trained through struggles are now officers in battle Here and there, we see the harlots in procession This one, that one, doesn't matter, every single person gathers March on to our saintly deaths now! One, two, san, shi!
The common folk fell quickly, but more came to replace them. The Mantle soldiers sent in reinforcements and even cannons, but even those didn’t help them as the bandits and thugs came in, clearly on the people’s side as they stabbed the soldiers in the back and joined the mob.
Passing through the gates on the mountain peaks, Escaping this world, kill all the evil fiends Surely this will end in a denouement Among the crowds giving their applause
They stormed the palace, the guards there and the royals stood no chance. The mob tore through them, Akko leading the charge with Weiss, till they reached the top of the “mountain,” victorious. The others raised their arms and cheered.
And then, the Grimm returned in full force.
Thousands of cherry blossoms dwindling in the light Once your song can be heard, we'll dance with all our might! We are still far away from reaching peaks of hope Go ahead, keep fighting, use your shining bolt!
It was chaos all over again, the Grimm fighting their way up the mountain, making short work of the helmeted, faceless training dummies as the living actors put up a fight, but slowly got pushed back up the “mountain” and to the peak.
Akko raised the Shiny Rod, another bright flash exploded all throughout the stage and pushed the Grimm back, the colour and life began to return to the set as they all “vanquished” the horde.
Darkness has just engulfed the universe we know The lament that you sing can't reach ears anymore We are still far away from reaching peaks of hope Go ahead, keep fighting , spread your wings and fly!
The remaining Grimm bowed and cowered at the base of the “palace,” the dummies and the living actors stood proud with their arms raised on the steps leading up, Akko and Weiss stood proudly at the top, holding the Shiny Rod between them as a storm of cherry blossoms rained down upon them again.
And it was then that the real Grimm attacked.
Nevermores flew in en masse, turning the brilliant night sky black from sheer numbers. The music and the audio cut off as emergency sirens and announcements blared in their place. Audience members screamed and started to run as the largest of them all swooped in, ugly, jagged scars and burn marks all over its body.
It blew past the patrol ships and obstacles in its way like paper, broke through the ceiling of the stage, and ripped it off completely as it fled, Weiss and the Shiny Rod in its talons.
Note: God I hate modifying song lyrics, but it was incredibly important for this chapter. Almost all of Weiss important character developments come in song form, after all.
P.S. I just could not get the stanzas to format properly.
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seriouslyhooked · 8 years ago
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Start of Time (The CS Mixtape) Part 140/?
Series of CS oneshots inspired by music. Collection on FF Here.
A/N: Hey all. So this is a song I’ve wanted to add for a long time to the mixtape but thanks to a recent request for it, a spark of inspiration struck. It’s another future CS chapter where Emma is worrying about the future and Killian comforts her with his usual charms. Might include a baby on the way (totally includes said baby on the way). Inspired by the song ‘Start of Time’ by Gabrielle Aplin.
As a kid, Emma never found any real comfort in staring at the sea. Where some people saw this vast horizon with limitless possibilities, Emma had only seen a reminder of how small and inconsequential she was. It was almost jarring back then, to be so alone in such a big world, but time had shifted her perceptions on these cold, blue waters.
Now Emma found herself out by the docks more and more and while it was partially the salty air and the crisp breeze that kept her coming, there was always the added bonus of this place being meaningful to Killian. He’d inadvertently led her to love the sea and ever since the year away in New York (when she didn’t even remember him) Emma would find herself looking out to the horizon and trying to make sense of whatever it was plaguing her.
Sometimes she found answers and sometimes she didn’t, but Emma always left a little calmer than when she’d arrived, and since coming back to Storybrooke it was rare for Emma to leave these docks alone. Nine times out of ten Killian would somehow sense that she was here and he’d find her, guiding her wayward heart back home again.
Tonight she sensed Killian’s presence before he so much as said a word, and she felt that subtle change in the air around her right before the wind shifted and she caught the scent of leather and just the tiniest bit of rum. He’d been easing off of his favorite drink for a while now, but Emma would bet he still had that flask on him tonight, and that his hope in carrying it would be to bring her comfort. She didn’t need it though, not when she had him.
“You’re restless tonight, Swan,” Killian finally said when he was standing just beside her. Emma cast her gaze from the pale of the moon on the sea to him.
It struck Emma in that moment just how similar Killian’s eyes were to the sight before them. That deep blue with just a hint of light, all of it aimed at her with an intensity that was breathtaking, mirrored the depths of the sea on this clear, quiet night. But where the ocean had failed to give Emma everything she was looking for, Killian never let her down. He made a million promises, all of them good and pure and wonderful with those kind, caring eyes of his and it caused Emma’s heart to skip a beat almost painfully, but she loved it. Knowing how Killian felt about her, and seeing his clear devotion was a sense of calm for her, more soothing than any waves upon the shore could ever hope to be.
“What gave me away?” Emma joked, accepting his outstretched hand and moving closer to him, appreciating his warmth with the briskness of the coast so prevalent tonight.
“A great many things, none of them more so than the fact that you left half of your grilled cheese untouched.”
Killian’s words were light and airy, avoiding anything too deep right off the bat for her sake and Emma closed her eyes and leaned her head against his shoulder. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have this man, this man who knew her fully, who saw all the baggage that she still carried and weathered every storm. Killian was it for her and that was honestly one of the only things that wasn’t troubling her mind tonight. Killian was her constant, and it was his assured presence and his unyielding want for her that let Emma feel safe enough to speak the truth.
“I feel like everything’s happening so fast. Yesterday Henry was knocking at my door trying to lure me back to Storybrooke and then it’s like I blinked and we were here. I found my parents, I broke a curse – or well, a bunch of curses actually – I found you…”
Killian smiled at that part, bringing her hand to his lips to kiss gently before pulling Emma further into his arms, shielding her from the wind that was whipping lightly all around them. This, right here, was her favorite place in the world. The place where she felt safest and like nothing could touch her.
“I have to say I’m rather fond of that last part especially,” Killian said and Emma rolled her eyes, feeling better already.
“Yeah I kind of picked up on that when you married me,” Emma replied, feeling the happy hum that her husband let out into the night air at the reminder. Emma saw the same pride and joy in his expression now as she had months ago when they said ‘I do’ and she knew instinctively it as never going away. When love was true like this, the magic stayed, and Emma was so grateful. So why couldn’t she just let all of this anxiety go?
“But the passing of time still worries you,” Killian acknowledged, bringing her back around to her confession. Emma nodded, but took it further, laying it all out there.
“Exactly! Is it crazy for me to feel like it’s not enough? We stood up in front of everyone and promised forever, but do we really get that? Part of me wants to start all over again. I want to yell at my past self for pushing back so much. I think of all the time I wasted being scared, and then I realize that the fear is still winning. We could be home, enjoying our night alone right now but I’m stalking the moors like some sort of banshee dreading a non-issue.”
Killian’s laugh at that was loud and rich and wonderful, sounding out above everything else and running through Emma as a perfect kind of buzz. It was impossible for her not to smile when he laughed that way, and okay yeah, she could admit she was being dramatic. But even if it was hyperbole, a part of her fears were real and she didn’t see a way to combat them or let them go.
“Forgive me, love. I didn’t mean to laugh at your worries, you just have this way with words that gets me every time.”
Emma mumbled under her breath about how it was all the time with a certain pirate that had made her so colorful. She used to be totally normal and never compared herself to random, dated spirits, but this was her life now, fighting bad guys and living her life with a guy from another time and place who was somehow designed to find her and love her. But then his hand came up to cup her cheek and Emma’s whole body stilled, waiting eagerly to hear what he’d say.
“Truth is that I would give anything in the world to ease your burdens, Emma, but I haven’t an answer for this one. Take it from someone who fought this for years: Time will pass, things will change, life will go on one way or another. We can’t go back – but we can look forward. We can savor every moment that we have and fight long and hard for more of them.”
Very few people in her life had the power to calm Emma the way that her husband could, and standing out there on the docks right now she felt the anxieties that were gripping at her falling away. Killian always had the right words, but more than that he made these silent vows over and over again just from the look in his eyes. He loved her, and he cared for her more than anyone or anything else in this world. He would always protect her and do his best to see her happy, so why was she worrying? She was desperate for more time, but she had right now and that was so much more than she’d ever expected.
When her hand absent-mindedly moved to cover her stomach, she was reminded of why these old worries were made new. Emma and Killian were on a new journey now, one Emma had suspected for a few weeks but only had confirmed today. She was so happy when she first got the news. She was pregnant, and that meant she and Killian were going to have a child and grow this family they both loved so much. But then there were a thousand things left to do today and there was never a free moment to tell him.
Emma had a ton of work at the station that still needed doing after her appointment with the doctor, huge news or not. Then they had dinner with Henry and her parents and brother, and just when Emma thought she’d finally get Killian alone, her Dad asked him to help with something at the loft and Emma was left alone and questioning herself. Now, however, she wasn’t questioning. Instead she was luxuriating in the undeniable fact of her husband’s love for her and trying to find the perfect way to break this news to him.
“How do you always find the right words to say?” Emma asked, breathing him and holding him close as he pulled her in for a warm embrace.
“Practice,” Killian joked and Emma laughed, feeling the reverberations of his chuckle as he gave way to his own jesting. “But truly I speak from the heart, love. You make it very easy to promise such things.”
Emma doubted that she could ever be described as an easy person to love and to choose. She had a lot of old scars from the life she’d led, had put up a hell of a fight against a happy ending, and was still prone to moments like this when she let her doubts creep back in. But if there was one person in the world who could see the real her and cling to the best parts of what made Emma the person that she was, it was Killian. He’d always had that gift, and Emma knew he’d always give that same beautiful attention to this child when the day to meet him or her finally came.
“Tell me more about the moments. The ones we are fighting for,” Emma requested, pulling back to gaze up at him again and seeing even in the dark of the night the slight flush that grazed his cheeks.
“Ah. Well I was thinking we’d linger in these ones we have now a little longer… being newly weds hasn’t been half bad,” Killian said with a smile and Emma grinned in response.
“I think we’ve been through worse,” she teased and Killian growled at that, pulling her closer as his hand came back up to move some of her hair that was whipped up from the breeze along the shoreline.
“Then there’s those potential children you mentioned,” Killian offered and Emma bit her lip, thinking he’d see the truth in her eyes right now.
“Of course,” Emma replied and though Killian’s features caught her change in demeanor he continued on.
“And finally I foresee a good many years of us continuing to fight the forces of evil. A hero’s work is never done, and I would spend every moment fending the threats to our family off if it meant doing it with you, Emma. Though I like to think we’ve got many more bright spots ahead than dark ones, and a long life to live together side by side.” Emma hoped he was right, and she did believe underneath it all that he was. Still she sided with a joke in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“That should be fun. Balancing a bigger family and a bunch of bad guys trying to terrorize the town. What could go wrong?” Killian sobered some, not responding with a laugh as she’d expected.
“Nothing, Emma, at least nothing we can’t overcome. I promise you that even in the worst of times we won’t know true defeat. We’ll have each other, and keep this family safe. You have my word on that.”
And there it was, her perfect in to tell him that they might be tested in that way sooner than they thought. Emma moved her hand to take his and kissed it gently, watching the way Killian’s whole expression warmed. This was usually his move, but right now she could steal a little of his romance to heighten the good news.
“And what if I told you that soon there will be a new addition to the Jones clan to keep safe?” Emma asked, her voice breathier than it had been just a moment ago. She watched Killian’s eyes widen and his surprise appear so vividly, but then it melted into this form of joy she’d only seen matched on their wedding day. The sight of it brought tears to her eyes of pure, unadulterated relief.
“You mean…”
“Yeah. I’m pregnant. Or we’re pregnant? I don’t know what it is people say but-,”
Emma’s words died on her lips when Killian pulled her into him and physically swept her off her feet, twirling her around in the air happily. Emma made a sound of surprise that faded to delight and she grinned at Killian’s response and then subsequent freak out. He seemed to have lost himself for a second there, and now it was his turn to worry, his hand coming to run through his hair and his hook waving about in alarm.
“Oh Gods, the baby! Swan, what have I done?”
Emma pulled him down by the collar to kiss that idea right out of his mind and to try and show Killian before telling him just how much she’d appreciated the gesture. She loved his honesty and his passion. They were things that had scared her once upon a time but now they were the foundations of this marriage. They were two of the building blocks needed to make Emma and Killian work as well as they did, and she didn’t want Killian to tamp them down. Instead she wanted more of them not just for her but with their future kids as well.
“You’ve done nothing but choose me and make me happy, Killian. I love you so much, and I could never want this with anyone but you. You made me believe this was possible, and now you’re going to be as great a father as you are a husband,” Emma confessed. Killian replied with some mistiness in his eyes that he loved her as well and pulled her in for another kiss. This time when they pulled away, however, there was something he seemed to want to say, but was holding back.
“What’s that look about?” Emma asked, seeing something floating in her husband’s eyes just under the surface.
“Nothing, love,” Killian replied but Emma raised a brow at him waiting for an answer and he caved slightly. “I just had one of those thoughts you often roll your eyes at. I figured I’d spare us both that moment on this happy occasion.”
“Let me guess. Something about me having a little pirate in me after all?” Killian grinned and Emma shook her head smiling all the same. He was so totally predictable, but damn if it didn’t set off this happy little flutter in her chest. “Yeah I thought of that too. Just don’t make that joke to my Dad. Not sure how great that one will fly.”
And after procuring a promise from Killian that he’d keep the raunchier jokes about this baby on the way from her parents, Emma poofed them both back home where they could celebrate their good news properly, and prepare for this next exciting chapter in the story of their love.
…………..
Oh today I'm just a drop of water And I'm running down a mountainside Come tomorrow I'll be in the ocean I'll be rising with the morning tide
There's a ghost upon the moor tonight Now it's in our house When you walked into the room just then It's like the sun came out
I'm an atom in a sea of nothing Looking for another to combine Maybe we could be the start of something Be together at the start of time
There's a ghost upon the moor tonight Now it's in our house When you walked into the room just then It's like the sun came out It's like the sun came out
And the day is clear My voice is just a whisper Louder than the screams you hear It's like the sun came out (x5)
Post-Note: So first off thanks to the reader who requested this song, and for any of you who haven’t heard it, definitely check it out. I made this chapter slightly lighter than the song might hint at, but that’s just a side affect of my constant need for fluff. Anyway, thank you all for reading and I hope you have a great rest of your day!
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10,Part 11, Part 12,Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38, Part 39, Part 40, Part 41, Part 42, Part 43, Part 44, Part 45, Part 46, Part 47, Part 48, Part 49, Part 50, Part 51, Part 52, Part 53, Part 54, Part 55, Part 56, Part 57, Part 58, Part 59, Part 60, Part 61, Part 62, Part 63, Part 64, Part 65, Part 66, Part 67, Part 68, Part 69, Part 70, Part 71, Part 72, Part 73, Part 74, Part 75, Part 76, Part 77, Part 78, Part 79, Part 80, Part 81, Part 82, Part 83, Part 84, Part 85, Part 86, Part 87, Part 88, Part 89, Part 90, Part 91, Part 92, Part 93, Part 94, Part 95, Part 96, Part 97, Part 98, Part 99, Part 100, Part 101, Part 102, Part 103, Part 104, Part 105, Part 106, Part 107,Part 108, Part 109, Part 110,Part 111, Part 112, Part 113, Part 114, Part 115,Part 116, Part 117, Part 118, Part 119,Part 120, Part 121, Part 122, Part 123,Part 124, Part 125, Part 126, Part 127, Part 128,Part 129,Part 130, Part 131,Part 132, Part 133, Part 134, Part 135, Part 136, Part 137, Part 138, Part 139
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billydmacklin · 6 years ago
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The Laundry Room, 2018 Edition!
At some point in the past couple of years, I got a little…stuck with my own house. I know for a lot of people this feeling might not be especially out of the ordinary, but to me it was novel. The house itself was going through a decidedly “rough patch” in the course of this whole renovation/restoration madness, and to some extent my mental health followed suit. My ability to make decisions and actionable plans seemed to evaporate, which of course made everything feel worse. I’m not sure if I was looking for answers, or trying to remind myself that beautiful things do, in fact, still exist, or just to try to un-block something in my brain, but I found myself looking more and more to visual inspiration.
I’ve had the inkling for a very long time that too much “inspiration” can actually produce the opposite result. I’ve seen this with various clients over the years—they’ll send me a Pinterest board they’ve assembled over some time for a given project, hoping that each image might in some way be represented in the final product. The trouble is that most people aren’t only attracted to one particular aesthetic: they’re attracted to lots of them. It’s much easier to recognize what we think is beautiful than it is to create it. So then, armed with too much inspiration, we try to devise a way to incorporate all these things into a given space, which is usually not possible. Or at least not possible if the goal is to produce a beautiful result. So then we have to start making sacrifices, but now we’ve fallen in love with all of these disjointed elements, all generally done by other people who are really good at this and have lots of money, and we don’t feel confident in making those calls, or even know which calls we have to make, and then we’re paralyzed.
Then, seeking clarity, we bury ourselves in more “inspiration,” as though the image that will make all of this come together could be just the next click away. This, of course, is not especially productive, but it feels like it is.
Being somewhat aware of this, I’ve never used Pinterest except when a client gig required me to. This seemed like a good way to avoid this issue for myself, but I think I failed to appreciate the extent to which the Pinterest mentality has really permeated so many other spaces. The Inspiration Overload is everywhere—Instagram, Facebook, other blogs—and this crept up on me a bit. Soon all of my own work felt so small and shitty and lame, and making simple decisions became an extended exercise in self-doubt and insecurity. Each project in my house became an opportunity to create something amazinggggg but then only if I could remove the very real limitations of time and budget. When it came to my laundry room, I got so caught up in all these things I could see doing: beautiful and spacious custom built-in storage, a sink-to-end-all-sinks, a gorgeous tiled floor, and of course something more interesting for the walls than just painted plaster. Right? I wanted it to look fresh and original and like nothing I’d seen before, while at the same time wanting it to look just like a thousand things I’d seen and bookmarked or screen-capped or otherwise “pinned” without the benefit of organization that I suppose Pinterest provides.
Naturally, once these ideas entered my brain, it became impossible to dispense with them. The floor tile would have cost about $1,000 I didn’t have, but felt so essential to the very premise of renovating the laundry room that I couldn’t see a way around it. Since about half the room would be taken up by the machines, the sink, and storage, I thought maybe I’d compromise and save the expensive tile for the visible part of the floor, but then I’d need the sink and attending cabinetry to be installed first, which of course would mean buying or making those, which I also didn’t have the time/money for. I also really wanted to get the laundry done before being completely occupied with the much more involved kitchen renovation, but in order to do that I’d have to actually start working on it, which would mean finalizing these decisions, which of course I couldn’t do. This all rolled around in my mind for months while my washer and dryer sat useless in the spare room.
I guess when I started this whole renovation “journey,” I felt like the only logical path forward was escalation. Bigger projects. More advanced DIYs. An ever-expanding collection of tools and technical skills that I’d use to create the most amazing spaces I could dream of, because otherwise what’s the point? Putting this much time and effort and money into something should not yield mediocrity.
And then it hit me. It’s not the first time and won’t be the last, but I’m really trying to actively keep it in mind: Not. Everything. Has. To. Be. The. Very. Best. It. Can. Be. IT REALLY IS OK. A lot of things can be improved and changed down the line, when the time and money materializes. It doesn’t all have to happen in one take. At the end of the day, this laundry room has to accomplish one thing: wash my dirty clothes. Everything else is bonus. Also, it’s JUST A LAUNDRY ROOM.
And then something happened: I FELT SO LIBERATED. Without realizing it, and largely out of necessity, I took away the pressure of perfection and replaced it with the momentum of just GETTING IT DONE. Added to this was the challenge of doing it as inexpensively as possible, because the goal was no longer incredible beauty but instead just getting to a place of very basic functionality—and still being able to afford a kitchen stove.
And then another thing happened: in spite of my best efforts, the room actually turned out kinda cute, if you’ll permit me just a little bit of self-congratulation. Because I actually do like my stuff. I actually am generally happy with the decisions I make about my own living space. I actually am capable of making those decisions if I just lighten the fuck up a little and stop freaking out about having the coolest laundry room that my brain can conjure, and creating it in one shot.
Because only a monster would post an after image without a before, here’s the now-laundry room way back when I bought the house! It was one of the first rooms I really tackled, trying to get my renovation sea legs, and I turned it into this office:
I loved that little office, but for various reasons it eventually made way more sense to make this little space into the laundry room. It was sad for a while. Out came the desk, down came the obsolete chimney, in went new electric and plumbing, and up went new drywall and a couple fresh coats of paint annnndddddd…
Laundry room! With a utility sink! And a pink floor! I ain’t mad about it!
By the way, YES. It feels very weird/kinda embarrassing to now have “after” photos of the “after” photos from 4 years ago. I’m also 100% positive that there are those among us who will view this as a downgrade rather than an improvement, but in the context of the whole house I SWEAR this is so much better. Second floor laundry with all this natural light is such an insane luxury. My clothes are literally cleaner because I can see stains and stuff so much more easily, so my pre-treatment game is now ON POINT. I feel very on top of my laundry situation generally and it’s a great feeling.
ALSO, due to my chronic condition of over-sharing—here is the room like a day or two before I snapped the “after” photos. And honestly this is more of what I had in mind when I was all “I HAVE NO NEED FOR CUTE I ONLY NEED CLEAN UNDIES,” but then I sort of liked the additional challenge (/let’s be honest, procrastination) of trying to dress her up a little and add some storage without spending a dime. So I spent the next day just puttering around the house and hanging things up and messing around and it got kind of nice while I wasn’t looking!
Anyway. Point being, that little bit of extra effort was totally worth it and made me feel like I don’t have to really mess with this room for a long time. It also got some of my shit out of indefinite storage and put to good use!
The single biggest new purchase in this room was this cheap plastic utility sink. Various commenters were gravely concerned about this sink choice when I first mentioned it, encouraging me to go with something higher-quality/prettier/ceramic/stone/fireclay/stainless/vintage/antique BUT honestly even trolling Craigslist for some amazing $100 antique soapstone sink STILL involves trolling Craigslist, going to pick up the thing, overcoming the lurking fear of getting Craigslist-murdered, getting it home, cleaning/restoring it, getting it upstairs, probably special-ordering various parts to hook it up, maybe needing to enlist a plumber who wouldn’t show up anyway…SO WHILE I APPRECIATE ALL THE SUGGESTIONS, I am also so very happy that all I had to do was give $95 to Lowe’s and it wasn’t some whole production. When the perfect sink shows up, all the plumbing is there waiting for it.
I still spray-painted the legs black, because I can’t help myself.
Regarding the sink, it is exactly as mediocre as you might expect. It is decidedly un-fancy. It’s very lightweight and therefore doesn’t feel solid or substantial, although I did screw it right into the wall to keep it stable. It stains REALLY easily and stubbornly. It’s also HUGE and was so cheap and I LOVE IT SO MUCH, UNAPOLOGETICALLY. But like, get something nicer if you can swing it. Tell me all about it.
The plumbing under the sink isn’t so great looking either, so I spent 10 minutes making it a little modesty skirt. It’s just a tea towel folded in half with some velcro pinned to it, so it’s all easily removable and the tea towel is intact whenever I want it to be a tea towel again.
Maybe I’ll make a bunch of them so I can change the sink’s outfits seasonally. Hawt lewks for my stained plastic tub sink.
I hung up an old mirror just behind the sink to provide a little backsplash. Problem solved! I kinda love those little plastic clips that hold it up—they were a couple bucks at the hardware store but feel so 60s kitschy. Like not something you should be able to still go buy.
I put up a shelf! My pal Anna gave me like six of those IKEA brackets when she moved and they’ve just been cluttering my basement since. They were white and I spray painted them black and hung them up with some brass screws. Cute! I don’t think IKEA still makes these exact ones, but these are really similar.
The wood came off of the house at some point over the course of renovation, but I’m really struggling to remember what it did in its former life. I guess it doesn’t matter. I gave it a quick sand and a few coats of shellac and BOOM, shelf.
On the shelf is an assortment of things I have accumulated in my short but hoard-y lifetime. The yellowware bowls are antique—one holds detergent pods and the other holds those Affresh tablets that are supposed to rid the washing drum of that swamp smell in the summer. This is to prove once again that I will decant anything.
Tucked into the mirror frame are my two Laundry Idols, my mother below and my grandmother above. My grandma’s favorite task was laundry, and she passed much of her wisdom on to my mother, and I feel some grave sense of duty to, like, not ruin my clothes and bring shame on the family. So they watch over the goings-ons in this room.
I’m sorry I’m not sorry for loving that portrait but I can’t help myself. Her expression is SO GOOD. I bought her at an auction (I think I paid ten actual American greenbacks for that!), and then they told me the staining was because someone was storing her in a laundry room and she got bleach spilled on her. So it seemed right to carry on the grand tradition of this poor little old lady getting stuck in the laundry room, but maybe with a little more respect this time around.
I love my little hooks! These just came from various closets and stuff around the house, I don’t know. The long Turkish towel hides the supply lines which are hooked up under the sink.
Here we find a small sampling of my childhood collection of dog figurines. I’ve gotten rid of most of them, but some were actually kind of cool and maybe I’m pulling it off and maybe I’m not but I don’t care. It’s sort of fun seeing these guys again.
OH RIGHT, THAT HUGE SLAB OF MARBLE. So here’s the deal. Craigslist, $300. It’s a little over 5’x3′, and I bought it with the intention of it being my kitchen island (and therefore not considering it part of the money spent on this room). It’s 2″ thick and came out of this contractor’s garage, where he’d been storing it for the same purpose for the last 30 years. He got it out of another contractor’s garage who’d also been storing it for 30 years, also for that same purpose! The original contractor had pulled it out of a Victorian-era candy shop that was being demolished—can you imagine that?! So ANYWAY it’s huge and probably weighs 400 pounds and I needed to put it SOMEWHERE since custom-kitchen-island is still a ways away, so I just put it right on top of the machines.
I recognize that this sounds like a very bad idea, but I figured….hey. If the washer can stack on top of the dryer, SURELY it can handle a 400 pound slab of natural stone, right??? So I did it, and it’s been three months, and it hasn’t budged, and the machines didn’t collapse, so obviously there’s nothing to worry about here. Lol. If I ever need to call LG out for service, let’s keep this between us OK?
The marble is COVERED in 100 years worth of dings and scratches and pitting and I think that’s pretty perfect, personally. I’ll likely want to seal it with SOMETHING but I’m not super concerned about it continuing to age and patina.
I bought those two big hooks years ago, and it turned out they they make a good rack for the ironing board and iron! For the ~2 times per year that I use them.
There wasn’t really a great spot in this laundry room to hang the drying rack I had in my old laundry room, so instead I put up my Eames Hang-it-All! Anything that needs to dry flat can go on the marble, and anything that needs to be hung can go on a hanger off of this. I love my Hang-it-All and it’s so nice the be using it again after it collected dust for a few years!
It’s hard to get a good picture of, but that little tiny closet under the stairs is my new cleaning cupboard! Those stainless steel shelves used to hang in Anna’s kitchen in Newburgh—they were part of the GRUNDTAL series at IKEA but I’m not sure they still make them. The red bucket has all the cleaning basics so I can carry it around from room to room when I clean and it feels SO ADULT I can’t even stand myself. A cleaning caddy of my very own! Talk about peak experiences.
I mentioned this before, but I re-painted the floor from white (WHICH MADE ME INSANE) to this soft Farrow & Ball pink called “Setting Plaster.” I love it! Painted floors do show a lot of dirt and dust no matter what, I think, but shifting away from white makes it much more manageable. And the rug! I have a weird soft spot for old braided rugs—they just feel so homespun and sweet. I think this one was $10 a while ago and it happens to be the PERFECT size for this room.
OH! And this is neither here nor there, but I did want to circle back on the now-painted-white-but-originally-PURPLE XP drywall I used in this room! This is the Soundbreak XP, which is recommended for rooms you want to contain noise in (or keep it out of), and it’s GREAT. My bedroom is on the other side of this wall, and I really can’t hear the machines when they’re on at all. Cars just driving down the street are louder! I do get a bit of structural vibration during the spin cycles, but nothing dramatic. Everything I was worried about with moving the machines upstairs has thus far turned out to be completely fine. Better than fine! Because I have laundry again!
And it’s sorta cute, IMHO.
The Laundry Room, 2018 Edition! published first on https://carpetgurus.tumblr.com/
0 notes
interiorstarweb · 6 years ago
Text
The Laundry Room, 2018 Edition!
At some point in the past couple of years, I got a little…stuck with my own house. I know for a lot of people this feeling might not be especially out of the ordinary, but to me it was novel. The house itself was going through a decidedly “rough patch” in the course of this whole renovation/restoration madness, and to some extent my mental health followed suit. My ability to make decisions and actionable plans seemed to evaporate, which of course made everything feel worse. I’m not sure if I was looking for answers, or trying to remind myself that beautiful things do, in fact, still exist, or just to try to un-block something in my brain, but I found myself looking more and more to visual inspiration.
I’ve had the inkling for a very long time that too much “inspiration” can actually produce the opposite result. I’ve seen this with various clients over the years—they’ll send me a Pinterest board they’ve assembled over some time for a given project, hoping that each image might in some way be represented in the final product. The trouble is that most people aren’t only attracted to one particular aesthetic: they’re attracted to lots of them. It’s much easier to recognize what we think is beautiful than it is to create it. So then, armed with too much inspiration, we try to devise a way to incorporate all these things into a given space, which is usually not possible. Or at least not possible if the goal is to produce a beautiful result. So then we have to start making sacrifices, but now we’ve fallen in love with all of these disjointed elements, all generally done by other people who are really good at this and have lots of money, and we don’t feel confident in making those calls, or even know which calls we have to make, and then we’re paralyzed.
Then, seeking clarity, we bury ourselves in more “inspiration,” as though the image that will make all of this come together could be just the next click away. This, of course, is not especially productive, but it feels like it is.
Being somewhat aware of this, I’ve never used Pinterest except when a client gig required me to. This seemed like a good way to avoid this issue for myself, but I think I failed to appreciate the extent to which the Pinterest mentality has really permeated so many other spaces. The Inspiration Overload is everywhere—Instagram, Facebook, other blogs—and this crept up on me a bit. Soon all of my own work felt so small and shitty and lame, and making simple decisions became an extended exercise in self-doubt and insecurity. Each project in my house became an opportunity to create something amazinggggg but then only if I could remove the very real limitations of time and budget. When it came to my laundry room, I got so caught up in all these things I could see doing: beautiful and spacious custom built-in storage, a sink-to-end-all-sinks, a gorgeous tiled floor, and of course something more interesting for the walls than just painted plaster. Right? I wanted it to look fresh and original and like nothing I’d seen before, while at the same time wanting it to look just like a thousand things I’d seen and bookmarked or screen-capped or otherwise “pinned” without the benefit of organization that I suppose Pinterest provides.
Naturally, once these ideas entered my brain, it became impossible to dispense with them. The floor tile would have cost about $1,000 I didn’t have, but felt so essential to the very premise of renovating the laundry room that I couldn’t see a way around it. Since about half the room would be taken up by the machines, the sink, and storage, I thought maybe I’d compromise and save the expensive tile for the visible part of the floor, but then I’d need the sink and attending cabinetry to be installed first, which of course would mean buying or making those, which I also didn’t have the time/money for. I also really wanted to get the laundry done before being completely occupied with the much more involved kitchen renovation, but in order to do that I’d have to actually start working on it, which would mean finalizing these decisions, which of course I couldn’t do. This all rolled around in my mind for months while my washer and dryer sat useless in the spare room.
I guess when I started this whole renovation “journey,” I felt like the only logical path forward was escalation. Bigger projects. More advanced DIYs. An ever-expanding collection of tools and technical skills that I’d use to create the most amazing spaces I could dream of, because otherwise what’s the point? Putting this much time and effort and money into something should not yield mediocrity.
And then it hit me. It’s not the first time and won’t be the last, but I’m really trying to actively keep it in mind: Not. Everything. Has. To. Be. The. Very. Best. It. Can. Be. IT REALLY IS OK. A lot of things can be improved and changed down the line, when the time and money materializes. It doesn’t all have to happen in one take. At the end of the day, this laundry room has to accomplish one thing: wash my dirty clothes. Everything else is bonus. Also, it’s JUST A LAUNDRY ROOM.
And then something happened: I FELT SO LIBERATED. Without realizing it, and largely out of necessity, I took away the pressure of perfection and replaced it with the momentum of just GETTING IT DONE. Added to this was the challenge of doing it as inexpensively as possible, because the goal was no longer incredible beauty but instead just getting to a place of very basic functionality—and still being able to afford a kitchen stove.
And then another thing happened: in spite of my best efforts, the room actually turned out kinda cute, if you’ll permit me just a little bit of self-congratulation. Because I actually do like my stuff. I actually am generally happy with the decisions I make about my own living space. I actually am capable of making those decisions if I just lighten the fuck up a little and stop freaking out about having the coolest laundry room that my brain can conjure, and creating it in one shot.
Because only a monster would post an after image without a before, here’s the now-laundry room way back when I bought the house! It was one of the first rooms I really tackled, trying to get my renovation sea legs, and I turned it into this office:
I loved that little office, but for various reasons it eventually made way more sense to make this little space into the laundry room. It was sad for a while. Out came the desk, down came the obsolete chimney, in went new electric and plumbing, and up went new drywall and a couple fresh coats of paint annnndddddd…
Laundry room! With a utility sink! And a pink floor! I ain’t mad about it!
By the way, YES. It feels very weird/kinda embarrassing to now have “after” photos of the “after” photos from 4 years ago. I’m also 100% positive that there are those among us who will view this as a downgrade rather than an improvement, but in the context of the whole house I SWEAR this is so much better. Second floor laundry with all this natural light is such an insane luxury. My clothes are literally cleaner because I can see stains and stuff so much more easily, so my pre-treatment game is now ON POINT. I feel very on top of my laundry situation generally and it’s a great feeling.
ALSO, due to my chronic condition of over-sharing—here is the room like a day or two before I snapped the “after” photos. And honestly this is more of what I had in mind when I was all “I HAVE NO NEED FOR CUTE I ONLY NEED CLEAN UNDIES,” but then I sort of liked the additional challenge (/let’s be honest, procrastination) of trying to dress her up a little and add some storage without spending a dime. So I spent the next day just puttering around the house and hanging things up and messing around and it got kind of nice while I wasn’t looking!
Anyway. Point being, that little bit of extra effort was totally worth it and made me feel like I don’t have to really mess with this room for a long time. It also got some of my shit out of indefinite storage and put to good use!
The single biggest new purchase in this room was this cheap plastic utility sink. Various commenters were gravely concerned about this sink choice when I first mentioned it, encouraging me to go with something higher-quality/prettier/ceramic/stone/fireclay/stainless/vintage/antique BUT honestly even trolling Craigslist for some amazing $100 antique soapstone sink STILL involves trolling Craigslist, going to pick up the thing, overcoming the lurking fear of getting Craigslist-murdered, getting it home, cleaning/restoring it, getting it upstairs, probably special-ordering various parts to hook it up, maybe needing to enlist a plumber who wouldn’t show up anyway…SO WHILE I APPRECIATE ALL THE SUGGESTIONS, I am also so very happy that all I had to do was give $95 to Lowe’s and it wasn’t some whole production. When the perfect sink shows up, all the plumbing is there waiting for it.
I still spray-painted the legs black, because I can’t help myself.
Regarding the sink, it is exactly as mediocre as you might expect. It is decidedly un-fancy. It’s very lightweight and therefore doesn’t feel solid or substantial, although I did screw it right into the wall to keep it stable. It stains REALLY easily and stubbornly. It’s also HUGE and was so cheap and I LOVE IT SO MUCH, UNAPOLOGETICALLY. But like, get something nicer if you can swing it. Tell me all about it.
The plumbing under the sink isn’t so great looking either, so I spent 10 minutes making it a little modesty skirt. It’s just a tea towel folded in half with some velcro pinned to it, so it’s all easily removable and the tea towel is intact whenever I want it to be a tea towel again.
Maybe I’ll make a bunch of them so I can change the sink’s outfits seasonally. Hawt lewks for my stained plastic tub sink.
I hung up an old mirror just behind the sink to provide a little backsplash. Problem solved! I kinda love those little plastic clips that hold it up—they were a couple bucks at the hardware store but feel so 60s kitschy. Like not something you should be able to still go buy.
I put up a shelf! My pal Anna gave me like six of those IKEA brackets when she moved and they’ve just been cluttering my basement since. They were white and I spray painted them black and hung them up with some brass screws. Cute! I don’t think IKEA still makes these exact ones, but these are really similar.
The wood came off of the house at some point over the course of renovation, but I’m really struggling to remember what it did in its former life. I guess it doesn’t matter. I gave it a quick sand and a few coats of shellac and BOOM, shelf.
On the shelf is an assortment of things I have accumulated in my short but hoard-y lifetime. The yellowware bowls are antique—one holds detergent pods and the other holds those Affresh tablets that are supposed to rid the washing drum of that swamp smell in the summer. This is to prove once again that I will decant anything.
Tucked into the mirror frame are my two Laundry Idols, my mother below and my grandmother above. My grandma’s favorite task was laundry, and she passed much of her wisdom on to my mother, and I feel some grave sense of duty to, like, not ruin my clothes and bring shame on the family. So they watch over the goings-ons in this room.
I’m sorry I’m not sorry for loving that portrait but I can’t help myself. Her expression is SO GOOD. I bought her at an auction (I think I paid ten actual American greenbacks for that!), and then they told me the staining was because someone was storing her in a laundry room and she got bleach spilled on her. So it seemed right to carry on the grand tradition of this poor little old lady getting stuck in the laundry room, but maybe with a little more respect this time around.
I love my little hooks! These just came from various closets and stuff around the house, I don’t know. The long Turkish towel hides the supply lines which are hooked up under the sink.
Here we find a small sampling of my childhood collection of dog figurines. I’ve gotten rid of most of them, but some were actually kind of cool and maybe I’m pulling it off and maybe I’m not but I don’t care. It’s sort of fun seeing these guys again.
OH RIGHT, THAT HUGE SLAB OF MARBLE. So here’s the deal. Craigslist, $300. It’s a little over 5’x3′, and I bought it with the intention of it being my kitchen island (and therefore not considering it part of the money spent on this room). It’s 2″ thick and came out of this contractor’s garage, where he’d been storing it for the same purpose for the last 30 years. He got it out of another contractor’s garage who’d also been storing it for 30 years, also for that same purpose! The original contractor had pulled it out of a Victorian-era candy shop that was being demolished—can you imagine that?! So ANYWAY it’s huge and probably weighs 400 pounds and I needed to put it SOMEWHERE since custom-kitchen-island is still a ways away, so I just put it right on top of the machines.
I recognize that this sounds like a very bad idea, but I figured….hey. If the washer can stack on top of the dryer, SURELY it can handle a 400 pound slab of natural stone, right??? So I did it, and it’s been three months, and it hasn’t budged, and the machines didn’t collapse, so obviously there’s nothing to worry about here. Lol. If I ever need to call LG out for service, let’s keep this between us OK?
The marble is COVERED in 100 years worth of dings and scratches and pitting and I think that’s pretty perfect, personally. I’ll likely want to seal it with SOMETHING but I’m not super concerned about it continuing to age and patina.
I bought those two big hooks years ago, and it turned out they they make a good rack for the ironing board and iron! For the ~2 times per year that I use them.
There wasn’t really a great spot in this laundry room to hang the drying rack I had in my old laundry room, so instead I put up my Eames Hang-it-All! Anything that needs to dry flat can go on the marble, and anything that needs to be hung can go on a hanger off of this. I love my Hang-it-All and it’s so nice the be using it again after it collected dust for a few years!
It’s hard to get a good picture of, but that little tiny closet under the stairs is my new cleaning cupboard! Those stainless steel shelves used to hang in Anna’s kitchen in Newburgh—they were part of the GRUNDTAL series at IKEA but I’m not sure they still make them. The red bucket has all the cleaning basics so I can carry it around from room to room when I clean and it feels SO ADULT I can’t even stand myself. A cleaning caddy of my very own! Talk about peak experiences.
I mentioned this before, but I re-painted the floor from white (WHICH MADE ME INSANE) to this soft Farrow & Ball pink called “Setting Plaster.” I love it! Painted floors do show a lot of dirt and dust no matter what, I think, but shifting away from white makes it much more manageable. And the rug! I have a weird soft spot for old braided rugs—they just feel so homespun and sweet. I think this one was $10 a while ago and it happens to be the PERFECT size for this room.
OH! And this is neither here nor there, but I did want to circle back on the now-painted-white-but-originally-PURPLE XP drywall I used in this room! This is the Soundbreak XP, which is recommended for rooms you want to contain noise in (or keep it out of), and it’s GREAT. My bedroom is on the other side of this wall, and I really can’t hear the machines when they’re on at all. Cars just driving down the street are louder! I do get a bit of structural vibration during the spin cycles, but nothing dramatic. Everything I was worried about with moving the machines upstairs has thus far turned out to be completely fine. Better than fine! Because I have laundry again!
And it’s sorta cute, IMHO.
The Laundry Room, 2018 Edition! published first on https://novaformmattressreview.tumblr.com/
0 notes
billydmacklin · 6 years ago
Text
The Laundry Room, 2018 Edition!
At some point in the past couple of years, I got a little…stuck with my own house. I know for a lot of people this feeling might not be especially out of the ordinary, but to me it was novel. The house itself was going through a decidedly “rough patch” in the course of this whole renovation/restoration madness, and to some extent my mental health followed suit. My ability to make decisions and actionable plans seemed to evaporate, which of course made everything feel worse. I’m not sure if I was looking for answers, or trying to remind myself that beautiful things do, in fact, still exist, or just to try to un-block something in my brain, but I found myself looking more and more to visual inspiration.
I’ve had the inkling for a very long time that too much “inspiration” can actually produce the opposite result. I’ve seen this with various clients over the years—they’ll send me a Pinterest board they’ve assembled over some time for a given project, hoping that each image might in some way be represented in the final product. The trouble is that most people aren’t only attracted to one particular aesthetic: they’re attracted to lots of them. It’s much easier to recognize what we think is beautiful than it is to create it. So then, armed with too much inspiration, we try to devise a way to incorporate all these things into a given space, which is usually not possible. Or at least not possible if the goal is to produce a beautiful result. So then we have to start making sacrifices, but now we’ve fallen in love with all of these disjointed elements, all generally done by other people who are really good at this and have lots of money, and we don’t feel confident in making those calls, or even know which calls we have to make, and then we’re paralyzed.
Then, seeking clarity, we bury ourselves in more “inspiration,” as though the image that will make all of this come together could be just the next click away. This, of course, is not especially productive, but it feels like it is.
Being somewhat aware of this, I’ve never used Pinterest except when a client gig required me to. This seemed like a good way to avoid this issue for myself, but I think I failed to appreciate the extent to which the Pinterest mentality has really permeated so many other spaces. The Inspiration Overload is everywhere—Instagram, Facebook, other blogs—and this crept up on me a bit. Soon all of my own work felt so small and shitty and lame, and making simple decisions became an extended exercise in self-doubt and insecurity. Each project in my house became an opportunity to create something amazinggggg but then only if I could remove the very real limitations of time and budget. When it came to my laundry room, I got so caught up in all these things I could see doing: beautiful and spacious custom built-in storage, a sink-to-end-all-sinks, a gorgeous tiled floor, and of course something more interesting for the walls than just painted plaster. Right? I wanted it to look fresh and original and like nothing I’d seen before, while at the same time wanting it to look just like a thousand things I’d seen and bookmarked or screen-capped or otherwise “pinned” without the benefit of organization that I suppose Pinterest provides.
Naturally, once these ideas entered my brain, it became impossible to dispense with them. The floor tile would have cost about $1,000 I didn’t have, but felt so essential to the very premise of renovating the laundry room that I couldn’t see a way around it. Since about half the room would be taken up by the machines, the sink, and storage, I thought maybe I’d compromise and save the expensive tile for the visible part of the floor, but then I’d need the sink and attending cabinetry to be installed first, which of course would mean buying or making those, which I also didn’t have the time/money for. I also really wanted to get the laundry done before being completely occupied with the much more involved kitchen renovation, but in order to do that I’d have to actually start working on it, which would mean finalizing these decisions, which of course I couldn’t do. This all rolled around in my mind for months while my washer and dryer sat useless in the spare room.
I guess when I started this whole renovation “journey,” I felt like the only logical path forward was escalation. Bigger projects. More advanced DIYs. An ever-expanding collection of tools and technical skills that I’d use to create the most amazing spaces I could dream of, because otherwise what’s the point? Putting this much time and effort and money into something should not yield mediocrity.
And then it hit me. It’s not the first time and won’t be the last, but I’m really trying to actively keep it in mind: Not. Everything. Has. To. Be. The. Very. Best. It. Can. Be. IT REALLY IS OK. A lot of things can be improved and changed down the line, when the time and money materializes. It doesn’t all have to happen in one take. At the end of the day, this laundry room has to accomplish one thing: wash my dirty clothes. Everything else is bonus. Also, it’s JUST A LAUNDRY ROOM.
And then something happened: I FELT SO LIBERATED. Without realizing it, and largely out of necessity, I took away the pressure of perfection and replaced it with the momentum of just GETTING IT DONE. Added to this was the challenge of doing it as inexpensively as possible, because the goal was no longer incredible beauty but instead just getting to a place of very basic functionality—and still being able to afford a kitchen stove.
And then another thing happened: in spite of my best efforts, the room actually turned out kinda cute, if you’ll permit me just a little bit of self-congratulation. Because I actually do like my stuff. I actually am generally happy with the decisions I make about my own living space. I actually am capable of making those decisions if I just lighten the fuck up a little and stop freaking out about having the coolest laundry room that my brain can conjure, and creating it in one shot.
Because only a monster would post an after image without a before, here’s the now-laundry room way back when I bought the house! It was one of the first rooms I really tackled, trying to get my renovation sea legs, and I turned it into this office:
I loved that little office, but for various reasons it eventually made way more sense to make this little space into the laundry room. It was sad for a while. Out came the desk, down came the obsolete chimney, in went new electric and plumbing, and up went new drywall and a couple fresh coats of paint annnndddddd…
Laundry room! With a utility sink! And a pink floor! I ain’t mad about it!
By the way, YES. It feels very weird/kinda embarrassing to now have “after” photos of the “after” photos from 4 years ago. I’m also 100% positive that there are those among us who will view this as a downgrade rather than an improvement, but in the context of the whole house I SWEAR this is so much better. Second floor laundry with all this natural light is such an insane luxury. My clothes are literally cleaner because I can see stains and stuff so much more easily, so my pre-treatment game is now ON POINT. I feel very on top of my laundry situation generally and it’s a great feeling.
ALSO, due to my chronic condition of over-sharing—here is the room like a day or two before I snapped the “after” photos. And honestly this is more of what I had in mind when I was all “I HAVE NO NEED FOR CUTE I ONLY NEED CLEAN UNDIES,” but then I sort of liked the additional challenge (/let’s be honest, procrastination) of trying to dress her up a little and add some storage without spending a dime. So I spent the next day just puttering around the house and hanging things up and messing around and it got kind of nice while I wasn’t looking!
Anyway. Point being, that little bit of extra effort was totally worth it and made me feel like I don’t have to really mess with this room for a long time. It also got some of my shit out of indefinite storage and put to good use!
The single biggest new purchase in this room was this cheap plastic utility sink. Various commenters were gravely concerned about this sink choice when I first mentioned it, encouraging me to go with something higher-quality/prettier/ceramic/stone/fireclay/stainless/vintage/antique BUT honestly even trolling Craigslist for some amazing $100 antique soapstone sink STILL involves trolling Craigslist, going to pick up the thing, overcoming the lurking fear of getting Craigslist-murdered, getting it home, cleaning/restoring it, getting it upstairs, probably special-ordering various parts to hook it up, maybe needing to enlist a plumber who wouldn’t show up anyway…SO WHILE I APPRECIATE ALL THE SUGGESTIONS, I am also so very happy that all I had to do was give $95 to Lowe’s and it wasn’t some whole production. When the perfect sink shows up, all the plumbing is there waiting for it.
I still spray-painted the legs black, because I can’t help myself.
Regarding the sink, it is exactly as mediocre as you might expect. It is decidedly un-fancy. It’s very lightweight and therefore doesn’t feel solid or substantial, although I did screw it right into the wall to keep it stable. It stains REALLY easily and stubbornly. It’s also HUGE and was so cheap and I LOVE IT SO MUCH, UNAPOLOGETICALLY. But like, get something nicer if you can swing it. Tell me all about it.
The plumbing under the sink isn’t so great looking either, so I spent 10 minutes making it a little modesty skirt. It’s just a tea towel folded in half with some velcro pinned to it, so it’s all easily removable and the tea towel is intact whenever I want it to be a tea towel again.
Maybe I’ll make a bunch of them so I can change the sink’s outfits seasonally. Hawt lewks for my stained plastic tub sink.
I hung up an old mirror just behind the sink to provide a little backsplash. Problem solved! I kinda love those little plastic clips that hold it up—they were a couple bucks at the hardware store but feel so 60s kitschy. Like not something you should be able to still go buy.
I put up a shelf! My pal Anna gave me like six of those IKEA brackets when she moved and they’ve just been cluttering my basement since. They were white and I spray painted them black and hung them up with some brass screws. Cute! I don’t think IKEA still makes these exact ones, but these are really similar.
The wood came off of the house at some point over the course of renovation, but I’m really struggling to remember what it did in its former life. I guess it doesn’t matter. I gave it a quick sand and a few coats of shellac and BOOM, shelf.
On the shelf is an assortment of things I have accumulated in my short but hoard-y lifetime. The yellowware bowls are antique—one holds detergent pods and the other holds those Affresh tablets that are supposed to rid the washing drum of that swamp smell in the summer. This is to prove once again that I will decant anything.
Tucked into the mirror frame are my two Laundry Idols, my mother below and my grandmother above. My grandma’s favorite task was laundry, and she passed much of her wisdom on to my mother, and I feel some grave sense of duty to, like, not ruin my clothes and bring shame on the family. So they watch over the goings-ons in this room.
I’m sorry I’m not sorry for loving that portrait but I can’t help myself. Her expression is SO GOOD. I bought her at an auction (I think I paid ten actual American greenbacks for that!), and then they told me the staining was because someone was storing her in a laundry room and she got bleach spilled on her. So it seemed right to carry on the grand tradition of this poor little old lady getting stuck in the laundry room, but maybe with a little more respect this time around.
I love my little hooks! These just came from various closets and stuff around the house, I don’t know. The long Turkish towel hides the supply lines which are hooked up under the sink.
Here we find a small sampling of my childhood collection of dog figurines. I’ve gotten rid of most of them, but some were actually kind of cool and maybe I’m pulling it off and maybe I’m not but I don’t care. It’s sort of fun seeing these guys again.
OH RIGHT, THAT HUGE SLAB OF MARBLE. So here’s the deal. Craigslist, $300. It’s a little over 5’x3′, and I bought it with the intention of it being my kitchen island (and therefore not considering it part of the money spent on this room). It’s 2″ thick and came out of this contractor’s garage, where he’d been storing it for the same purpose for the last 30 years. He got it out of another contractor’s garage who’d also been storing it for 30 years, also for that same purpose! The original contractor had pulled it out of a Victorian-era candy shop that was being demolished—can you imagine that?! So ANYWAY it’s huge and probably weighs 400 pounds and I needed to put it SOMEWHERE since custom-kitchen-island is still a ways away, so I just put it right on top of the machines.
I recognize that this sounds like a very bad idea, but I figured….hey. If the washer can stack on top of the dryer, SURELY it can handle a 400 pound slab of natural stone, right??? So I did it, and it’s been three months, and it hasn’t budged, and the machines didn’t collapse, so obviously there’s nothing to worry about here. Lol. If I ever need to call LG out for service, let’s keep this between us OK?
The marble is COVERED in 100 years worth of dings and scratches and pitting and I think that’s pretty perfect, personally. I’ll likely want to seal it with SOMETHING but I’m not super concerned about it continuing to age and patina.
I bought those two big hooks years ago, and it turned out they they make a good rack for the ironing board and iron! For the ~2 times per year that I use them.
There wasn’t really a great spot in this laundry room to hang the drying rack I had in my old laundry room, so instead I put up my Eames Hang-it-All! Anything that needs to dry flat can go on the marble, and anything that needs to be hung can go on a hanger off of this. I love my Hang-it-All and it’s so nice the be using it again after it collected dust for a few years!
It’s hard to get a good picture of, but that little tiny closet under the stairs is my new cleaning cupboard! Those stainless steel shelves used to hang in Anna’s kitchen in Newburgh—they were part of the GRUNDTAL series at IKEA but I’m not sure they still make them. The red bucket has all the cleaning basics so I can carry it around from room to room when I clean and it feels SO ADULT I can’t even stand myself. A cleaning caddy of my very own! Talk about peak experiences.
I mentioned this before, but I re-painted the floor from white (WHICH MADE ME INSANE) to this soft Farrow & Ball pink called “Setting Plaster.” I love it! Painted floors do show a lot of dirt and dust no matter what, I think, but shifting away from white makes it much more manageable. And the rug! I have a weird soft spot for old braided rugs—they just feel so homespun and sweet. I think this one was $10 a while ago and it happens to be the PERFECT size for this room.
OH! And this is neither here nor there, but I did want to circle back on the now-painted-white-but-originally-PURPLE XP drywall I used in this room! This is the Soundbreak XP, which is recommended for rooms you want to contain noise in (or keep it out of), and it’s GREAT. My bedroom is on the other side of this wall, and I really can’t hear the machines when they’re on at all. Cars just driving down the street are louder! I do get a bit of structural vibration during the spin cycles, but nothing dramatic. Everything I was worried about with moving the machines upstairs has thus far turned out to be completely fine. Better than fine! Because I have laundry again!
And it’s sorta cute, IMHO.
The Laundry Room, 2018 Edition! published first on https://carpetgurus.tumblr.com/
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