#and honestly it makes me really sad that so many people lose faith in her so quickly

[yournameoverandover]

.

[anthropologyruinseverything]

Summerslam venting - my opinions are based on personal experiences and feelings.

I’m a Roman fan but honestly this is getting old and stale and I’ll completely lose interest if he isn’t at Summerslam. (And listen, for a dude with his health issues I’d be happy to hear he was gonna mostly retire and make movies. Get your paper while you can babe!) I agree with a number of folks here that they’ve missed so much in regard to tension building between Roman and Solo. I just don’t care. And of course he’s gonna cheat against Cody. It’s a classic bad guy vs. the hero set up.

At least they gave Damian something to fight for. I am loving the new angle. But if he loses to a N@z* who called him street trash I’m gonna throw up because you’re just not hiding it at this point. Fair warning, you will not find any love for Gunther on my page. Yes, he’s great at what he does but until his character changes I’m not cheering. (Stood across the protest line from too many of the real-deal bad guys who sing his praises online at this point.)

Rhea’s gonna have to face the monster she herself created in Liv. I’m interested in the long term implications for Judgement Day and her relationship with Dominik. But it’s Mami’s fault so it’ll be satisfying to see what happens and I have faith in these performers to put on an amazing show.

Bayley and Nia lacks the same level of emotion but I also think it will be a great match. Nia is better than a lot of people give her credit for and with this last title run Bayley has won me over. Normally I leave the room when Tiffany Stratton is on the television so hopefully her fake ass won’t be too involved.

Drew, Punk and Seth will be fun to watch but they’ve screwed with other storylines so many times I’m just ready for it to be over. I think the highlight will be Seth’s outfit.

I want Sami to beat Bron. I’m a sucker for heart and hard work paying off. Bron is Goldberg 2.0 and I find him just as interesting as his predecessor, meaning I’d rather watch paint dry. He’s got potential so I hope they don’t stick with the angry meathead persona for long. I figure they’re setting Sami up to lose, probably due to being drawn back into Bloodline mess with Jey. It would be almost okay if he and Jey got a nice run as a tag team together.

Side note if you made it this far:

I was so excited for Jey’s single run. It’s personal and I know that’s silly but I FOUGHT TOOTH AND NAIL to escape an abusive family and make a life for myself. It really spoke to me to see him do the same sort of thing. And now, it’s all been wasted because he’s almost assuredly been nuked at every turn so he can go back to the Bloodline drama. He deserves better, deserves a better singles story and a title. It’s sad he probably won’t ever get it at this point. Like I said before, I will watch a different promotion if he goes to it.

Anyway, thanks for listening. My couple of 7 day, 18hr a day work weeks are coming to a close so I’ll have way more time to work on my fanfics and novels. I’m considering entry to a competition for some of my original stories so I may post a few blurbs for feedback. If you’re waiting for a request or just a story update, that’s what I’ll be working on! Some very much needed stress relief.

Thanks for giving me some space to share my thoughts and my work!

[vierss-herondale]

Please tell me your favourite thing(s) about Clace! I'm rereading TMI and I just am falling in love with them all over again. I'm at CoFA, they're FINALLY officially together, and their banter is ON POINT (they come by it honestly. Wessa, yk yk.) But YEAH . And also ramble about Sizzy too if you're into it, they're hitting SO hard this time and I'm in love in love in love with them.

Bestie, I don’t even know where to start 😂

The fact that during TMI most of the people saw Clary as this tiny little girl and they underestimated her but Jace realized very quickly how STRONG she really was! Like, he kicks her ass for real during training! He knows she can take it! And she’s the bravest person he knows!

And how everyone sees Jace as this strong warrior but Clary knows the fragility that lays underneath his tough exterior. Most of the people describes Jace as "hot/sexy" but Clary almost always thinks about him as ✨beautiful✨

Don’t even get me started on how Jace lacked love for so long in his life, even thinking that his heart was broken and he was incapable of falling in love… and then he met Clary, someone with such a big heart and with SO MUCH LOVE to give, and then they fell in love! ♥️

It makes me so sad that during TMI Jace had such a low faith in himself because of the way Valentine raised him. That he thought he had to be perfect or the Lightwoods would kick him out. Can you imagine that? Living with such fear of losing the love of the only family you ever know? 🥺🥺 That's why I love the fact that Clary's faith in Jace is so big and it NEVER lacks! And she makes sure he KNOWS it. That he can always count on her and her love for him.

And the fact that even when Jace was taught that love destroys you, he was never afraid of loving Clary! He said that loving her was the best feeling he ever felt. In many other books you see the male protagonist keep the girl away because they are afraid to fall in love but Jace never did that, quite the contrary actually.

I love how they complete each other, and how they helped each other to be better! Jace learned so much from Clary, and became a better version of himself, but Clary also growth so much after meeting him!

I also love how they pick on each other so much! They know how to have fun!

Listen, I know it's SUCH a big cliche and judge me all you want but I LOOOVE how Jace was mean to everyone but Clary lol In my defense I was a teenager when Wattpad was a hit and the bad boy trope was on every story 😂 So yeah, I like that he’s such a sweetheart with her and ONLY her 🫶🏻

How Jace looks at Clary as if she's his personal miracle 🥹♥️

I love that she NEVER slut shamed Jace! I have seen that some part of the fandom judge Jace for sleeping with other girls BEFORE HE MET CLARY. Like bro? It's his body and he was single, I don't see the problem and I love that Clary never judged him for that. She always knew that what they have is different from anything Jace could have had with other girls. I love a secure female character 🫶🏻

Also girl the way he's SO OBSESSED with her! He worships her so hard! I love those kind of male protagonist!!!

There's LOTS of things I love about Clace but I might never finish listing them so let's just cut it here lol

Now about Sizzy... I love that couple because they always seem like such a REAL LIFE couple to me.

Look I'm such a sucker for love at first sight couples like Clace BUT the reason why I love Simon and Izzy is because they are so real about the way their relationship developed.

In real life most people falls in love more than once in life and that's normal and it's okay. You can go through heart break and be hurt but that doesn't mean that you can't fall in love again and it be even MORE stronger than before! Simon represents that so well. He loved Clary so much for many years but then he realized they didn't work like that, and his love transformed into friendship love.

And then he fell in love with Izzy and it was a stronger feeling! This time he knew he belonged with her. That's just like real life is, you can fall in love more than once but it doesn’t mean that your previous love was less valid.

And Izzy is such an amazing character, she was the one that taught teenage me that you can wear makeup, dresses and high hills AND STILL KICK ASSES while doing so!

I think she's such a brave character because she carried the pain of her father's betrayal on her mom for so long... But she overcame it and she was brave enough to open up her heart to Simon. This comes from someone who went through something similar at a similar age and believe me, I KNOW by first hand how brave and strong Izzy had to be to let herself trust someone else with her heart. She’s so special to me.

And she opened her heart to Simon TWICE! They are a couple that went through a LOT and it makes me so happy to know that they are engaged now ♥️

[randomnameless]

The aversion to rhea js really strange (read: predictable, as body pillow waifu can’t be contradicted too overtly) but at least disengage’s byleth supports really strengthen everything you say about him: he’s eager to bond with others, acknowledges fighting as a necessary evil but doesn’t actually enjoy it, likes cooking and flowers and tea, loves fishing (dunno why nopes tried to retcon THAT), prefers to be seen as a mentor more than a fighter and really cherishes his students. Crucially, he always mentions the monastery in a positive light (except for the kitchen, he kind of disses its food? No idea why) and it’s clear the school and the church were not only places where he was happy, but institutions he sees as forces of good. As for religion, in his support with pandreo their conversation is about how people turn to faith in times of hardship and they even pray together. With diamant, he says there’s little to gain and much to lose waging war.

As an aside, i’m so sour we didn’t get to see this in houses, after years of me hearing people dunking on corrin and byleth as The Worst Things Ever but they’re both quite sweet and kind and steadfast and the issues in their games are imho less to do with them and more the narrative that forcibly hobbles them in many areas along with some fuckery from koei. Well, at least feh gave us scenes like brave byleth immediately wanting to sit seliph down for tea and talking to him when she hears he’s feeling sad, male byleth perfectly happy to go look for stray cats, and disengage also has byleth showing off the sotc and doing tricks with it solely because amber asked him to; then again, treating sothis’ bones as a funney joak in the game says a lot about their views on the nabateans 🙄

Yep, if only Billy could have acted like that in FE16 -

Rather, if only Billy could have been a character and not an avatar stand-in for the player who could pick X or Y regardless of the story and ultimately participate in the general "Church BaD" song" with the small twist than in certain routes it goes "Church was BaD but Billy'll reform it to be GoOd" that I honestly found baffling.

Engage!Billy, from what you're telling me, is shitting on Jerry then lol

Jerry, as a mercenary, doesn't see fighting as a necessity but as a way to make money, if Barney is any indication mercs love wars because it means more contracts and the final Jerry line in their support where he goes "imagine you as teacher in a school you wouldn't be able to do it right it's so stupid lolilol" -

But Jerry is a Greil knock-off so the game must spread Vaseline on him (remember how two characters' gimmicks involved being mouthpieces to how genial he is for no specific reason?) and Billy might like the Monastery and the role they were given - as a teacher and later, as an Archbishop - but Rhea must be BaD so they can't love it too much and always hand small amounts of "current Church BaD" rather, being a passive character in FE16, never disagree with the wildest takes about the Church thrown around, like Hapi's complains, 85% of what comes from Claude's mouth or the fuckery of the worst S Support in the game.

Ultimately...

Yeah, I have the feeling IS tries to retcon Supreme Leader but by doing so they cement a "character" for Billy, something they couldn't do in FE16 else you wouldn't "weach fow her hwand" - while still erasing every Nabatean mention, or plot related mention, as you pointed out with the SoC but hey, we can't have people start to care about them now!

(which is why I find it fascinating that the anniversary artwork where Rhea bakes cookies exists, that artist didn't get the memo that Rhea BaD and the worst thing to have happened since baked beans and we never portray her in a positive light?)

[coeursetcolores]

Primrose, the Dancer: Chapter 2

WARNING! Spoilers ahead for Chapter 2 of Primrose’s story in Octopath Traveler!

...

...

...Every time I do one of Primrose’s chapters, I lose a little more faith in humanity.

Well, we made it to Stillsnow. One of the Crow Men is here.

And Primrose has a knife ready for him.

And knowing there’s a murderous criminal here raises your suspicion about the town in general. For good reason. This place, like plenty of idyllic towns a little far out, has a secret. Honestly, not as big of a secret as I would think, but still pretty messed up.

Normally a snowy town like Stillsnow would look cozy, but it’s more ominous. Maybe it’s mostly the story, but the stronger uses of dark blue and black with less yellow to bring warmth compared to other snow town levels I’ve seen make this place feel more like the Overlook than a Christmas park. It amazes me how you can use snow to make a heartwarming winter scene or a time of isolation and the fear your body will be hidden in it if you’re not careful. The cave to get into the Obsidian Parlor is pretty basic...

...Okay, I’m just gonna say it: WHY IS THERE A CAVE THAT LEADS DIRECTLY INTO A MANSION?! What use is that?! It’s already out in the middle of nowhere and barely anyone knows it exists, WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS?!

The reveal was pretty obvious, but no less devastating. Nothing against sex workers, but it is pretty sad to see Arianna having been forced to resort to selling herself just to stay alive. It’s not even her fault she’s in this position, but when you take down a head, the rest of the body falls too.

I get the feeling that besides vengeance, the mistreatment of women is another theme in Primrose’s story. Honestly, it’s done a bit more tastefully here than in other stories I’ve seen. And does fit in with the setting rather well.

For the utter darkness of this chapter though, it has one of the funniest moments in the game so far: sorry Prim, not every man is subject to your feminine wiles. And Arianna trying to make her feel better is just the cherry on top.

Though the bartender gets me thinking; just how many people know about the brothel? Arianna said everyone just turns a blind eye, but does the whole town know? 

The flashback with Primrose and her father really shows how he influenced her and how she developed into the person she is now. He preaches to stay determined and follow what you believe is right; not what society or morality says, what you believe in. It’s easy to see how she became so focused on revenge, because it’s what she thinks is right. There’s no use in letting anyone try to talk her out of it.

The added history of her family really helped paint a picture of how she became so unwavering too, as well as giving the audience a reason to understand why her father was killed. Because the family refused to have any doubts about their more dubious acts, it’s easy to see why the other houses grew frustrated with them, especially after murdering their liegelord. Perhaps enough to order a hit.

The fact that the women who work here get sold I didn’t see coming. Honestly, what is this Crow organization about? I thought they were just assassins, but I’m thinking it might be something deeper...But how does it involve House Azelhart?

And I KNEW there was corruption in the church! That’s one of the sacred rules of JRPGs! Ugghhh...I needed a shower after this chapter.

Rufus...is a slimy villain. That’s all there really is to him. But he had a point: if you don’t consider how hated you are and never try to make others understand, you will make enemies. Ones that will take an opportunity given to take you down. Conviction is good, but self-assessment is also important. Maybe we’re getting some foreshadowing for how this story will play out? Even when he dies, he seems to have something over Primrose.

And it’s truly sad, at the end. Primrose sees absolutely no other reason to live than for vengeance. Even with all her ability and experiences, she stays focused on this one thing instead of trying to move on. At some point, is it unhealthy to be this determined?

How do the others feel about this darker side of the world?

Ophilia: This one was sweet. Even with her vengeance at hand, Prim can still see other people and acknowledge their feelings. I’m glad she and Ophilia can find comfort in each other after all the tragedy they’ve been through respectively.

Alfyn: Kind of a tonal shift. We were just being upset about Arianna being in a brothel, now we’re teasing Alfyn about wanting to go to one? I guess if it’s with someone okay with being there it’s different?  ¯_ (ツ)_/¯

Tressa: Okay. Seriously? She cannot be this naive. Come on game, she wasn’t that sheltered. She’s 18, not 10. 

Cyrus: Aww, she’s giving him dance lessons! That’s nice.

Olberic: Olberic probably would have been the best knight she could have asked for if she could have had his service. Maybe that could have been his life if House Azelhart still stood. But at least they can fight together.

Therion: Okay, encouragement. And worry? Is someone developing empathy for his companions?

H’aanit: This was bittersweet. The people who love you may be gone, but they’ll always be a part of you. You’ll always have them, no matter how short of a time they were in your life.

What truth is there in Noblecourt?

And why is it something Primrose might not be able to handle?

Is it something we want to find out?

Let’s all hope our faith will be our shield.

[khaleesiofalicante]

My one take away for this chapter: ‘beyond pain is reason’. I think sometimes we cling to our pain because we feel safe in it, we know the edges of our misery and suffering, we don’t want to let go because what else do we have? We fear the vulnerable possibility of something worse happening and so we just keep holding on, chasing away that sense of hope and accepting disappointment. Then we realise there is so much beyond that, so much healing and love and wisdom to be gained. So much acceptance and forgiveness and self development that makes us into better people.

It was so confronting to see the way Alec slowly broke down across all the timelines. The clarity with which he spoke to Camille, with his way of thinking during timeline one. Being so sure of himself, of Magnus, of their life together. The way that morphed into doubt as Camille began to crack at his hard exterior and reveal his deeper worries. As bad as it was that he saw her, I almost think he needed that to see the reality of the situation with Magnus. Hope and love and faith can only get us so far, we can’t hide from the tougher stuff because one day, it will find us when we are least prepared to face it. (don’t we all know it)

I think timeline 2 was quite interesting because it showed just how much Alec has to deal with on a day to day basis. How his life can go from politics, to his own self issues, to Magnus, to his boys, to the press and back again. How there is never really one constant in his life, his is always being pulled back and forth, having to switch into different personas, having to constantly think about other people’s needs. I think this was a moment for him to realise he can’t be everything to everyone, he can’t be a politician who gives his everything to fight for his people and also be a good father and husband. There is always going to be someone who ‘loses’ out on his attention, his support and his presence. We can say what we want about his decisions and reactions but I think he is honestly doing the best he can. He has had to make such tough decisions for himself and for everyone, he shoulders a lot of blame and pain in order to keep others safe. He’s doing what he can and honestly, that’s enough. We’re not perfect, we fuck up and deal the best we can, but we’re learning, that’s what’s most important, we keep on moving forward.

Timeline 3 was really where we saw it all fall apart for Alec. Where we saw him realise that so much that he held onto has slipped through his fingers. Where we saw him face the reality of everything he has locked away for so long. It almost felt cathartic to me? Like we’ve seen him have breakdowns but never in a way where he was just….done. Where there was nothing he could do but surrender to his emotions and allow that deep pain within him to surface. Him vomiting was almost this disgustingly beautiful metaphor for releasing and purging anything lingering within him. That talk with Izzy was so necessary for him, he struggles sometimes to see the reason beyond the pain. I am glad he has a sounding board in her to set shit straight because we all know how much this man overthinks sometimes. I’m glad he recognised that kissing Magnus wouldn’t be wise, that they need to talk about everything as a family so they can move on together. That they are different people now so whatever happens they will handle it as a team. They have all suffered so much, it’s time for him to truly remember the power their united love carries.

I think he needed to see that Minyun kiss with his own eyes, to accept in many ways that what he and Magnus had is over. I felt so sad for him to have to go from seeing the man he loves kissing someone else in such an intimate way, to everything with Max (not me thinking David ran him over). What a cliffhanger omg! I literally put my tablet down and paced my hallway to just recover from that moment. I absolutely broke with the way Max was pleading with Alec (when he called him ‘daddy’ like a wounded child 🥺), just seeing his usually stoic and put together father absolutely break would have been so traumatic for him. Alec is almost like this final formidable pillar within their family, he’s the one that keeps them all afloat, the one that never gives up and never runs away. It’s a testament to how much pain he has been carrying that he crumbled like that, my only hope is that he doesn’t have to deal with this alone. I really hope Max is okay, not just with whatever pain he is in but with what David overhead and also how he hurt Alec (I hope he has support to face the consequences of his actions, this is a big growth point for him). It’s going to be heartbreaking for them all but I know they will get through it. Please boys, all I ask is: communication.

(Also I’m so proud of Alec for wanting to understand Max, for not reaching for a drink or a cigarette, for taking a moment to think before he reacts, he has come so far!! I think seeing himself reflected in Max was a massive turning point as well)

Even in the toughest of times, his family manages a way to give him the strength he needs.

I know a lot of horrible stuff is happening right now for all of them so I really hope the whole LB gang can find an anchor in each other right now. They need each other more than ever (this includes Clace with David because fuck). They will figure out all the details of what happened and how it hurt them but really I think they all need to see that they are supported, loved, cherished and important to each other. Love doesn’t vanish just because we face conflict, if anything it beckons us closer to lean more into its presence. It says ‘hey, I know this is shit, but I’m always here, you are never alone’. Whatever happens next, I hope our boys (and everyone affected) know that they are loved.

Another amazing, fantastical, beautiful, exciting chapter 🙌

Song rec for Alec: Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen (because the change in tempos is def Alec’s life) but also Dog Days are over - Florence + the Machine (because I know he will find his way home to his family, to inner peace, to his happiness, to himself).

I loved, loved, loved this. Man, I'd love to see your essays for school. Must be some top tier shit, oof.

Bohemian Rhapsody is VERY tlnd alec. It's also in my mental playlist for a scene in the next chapter!

I hope he will find his way home too!

PS I MADE THIS MEME FOR YOU BECAUSE!!!

[b00ket]

Just ate some shitty chocolate and mulling over my growing dislike of the arcana

Like the characters in the game, fandom (ie. like 5 people), fanartist are cool and sexy

But I feel like I would’ve enjoyed the game more if Nix Hydra actually wanted to portray POC and weren’t such vague and lazy writers

Disclaimer: I talk about Asra but I haven’t finished their route so take this grain of salt

Taking a step back and looking at this game... i don’t like it. Here’s the main reasons why:

They claim to have a diverse story and world but honestly you could change all the characters to look white and nothing would change.

They are so fucking ambiguous it drives me insane. The world in this game is never built up at ALL and neither is the magic system. They have left hints and details of a bigger complex world but never elaborate on it even when it could be relevant to the story.

Magic

Details from some stories aren’t even in others. When explaining magic to my boyfriend I was making a-lot of assumptions about how magic works because everything is so vague.

For example, magic limits are brought up maybe twice. Herbal magic exists (Mazelinka practices it I believe), runes and charms are a thing, glyphs are a thing. All these things are great details for magic that could have been explored as other forms of magic other characters have. Julian using glyph magic was never explored further, Muriel using charms and herbal magic would have been great.

The fact that these are never revisited or expanded upon digs at me. It feels like lost potential.

The minor arcana is a world detail that is only prevalent in the weekly card reading when the concept of another set of arcana is super fucking cool? Even mentioning any form of the minor arcana in the major arcana realms would be a nice tie in. But no its never even mentioned.

The world

Reading the arcana, Vesuvia feels more like a symbol than a place. It lacks a sense of life ehich is strange considering how much time we spend there. Nadia, Portia, Julian and Asra are all people who have a knowledge and understanding of Vesuvia but exploring with them is so focused on romance they lose the chance of building this world.

The outside world follows suit. Aside from names you can’t really tell me anything from outside kingdoms. Anything said about Prakra and Nevivon is vague and broad, even when Julian and Nadia are speaking about it.

The assumptions I’ve made about this world and how it functions are doing a lot of heavy lifting in giving the world life. I’ll make a post about each place in the arcana world about these assumptions just because of how important they are to my interpretations of the characters race. Ill touch on them here.

Race and Culture

This is my biggest gripe with Nix claiming to be diverse. Sure the characters have different skin tones but you could make them white and it wouldn’t affect the plot.

Everyone in this cast is some form of racially ambiguous or their culture is not in anyway important to the plot if mentioned at all.

I cannot speak on Asra’s portion but they’re not from Vesuvia. Their mom wears a headscarf but its never shown whether this is a fashion piece or religious outfit. (The fact that no other person wears a headscarf and it looks like a hijab implies muslim faith exists but its never explained) Asra themself is a magical person in tune with themself. Having them show us some of their culture would have been nice.

Nadia, despite her arc being that of family, never shows any sign of the cultural aspects of Prakra. A nice character touch would be her growing distant from her culture while with Lucio in the palace (spurred on my Lucio’s lack of care and her apathy) and later in the story doing something significant and unique to her culture. Whether it be dressing in a way that’s distinct from Vesuvian citizens to praying or making a Prakran dish with their family.

Muriel’s cultural exploration is the best out of all of the characters as it’s a main plot point. Unfortunately not enough focus is placed on it. A great touch would have been language differences, perhaps even reclaiming the fading language of his tribe after its destruction.

Both Julian and Portia being from Nevivon and having lived on a pirate ship, I expected a deeper look into pirate culture and the life of Nevivon. None are elaborated on so Julian becoming a pirate in his upright ending feels empty as I’m not invested in pirate life at all.

Not doing the bare minimum to flesh out these characters culture means the world feels flat and the characters don’t feel like true representation. A hollow attempt at giving us diverse characters in what should be a living breathing world.

Race and Design

Again, everything is ambiguous.

The smallest gripe I have is that clearly the artists are not people of color. Granted I did get this impression from the fact that the palms of the hands arent lighter than the skin tone. Its a subtle thing but doing it shows a care for detail and it makes my melanin self very happy when it’s shown.

Another smaller gripe is how ambiguous Muriel and Asra look. I had assumed Muriel was just a white guy until the name of his tribe and seeing cultural wear gave a different impression. But I can’t fault anyone fir thinking he was white. Just like I can’t really fault people for thinking Asra is also white.

Why do the lighter skin characters have natural hair colors but as soon as Nadia and Asra are shown they have fantasy hair. While having colorful hair isn’t a crime, its a tactic often used to separate people of color from truly looking like people of color. It was a wall I had from connecting with these characters.

There’s not a single black person in this game. The more I think on it the more it bugs me. So many side characters and yet none of them are black. If the devs hadn’t said the baker is black you could make a strong argument that black or Afro-centric features don’t exist in this world. There is no kinky or very curly hair. Not a wide nose to be seen. Seeing an Asra design that was inspired by African culture and saw it fit the aesthetic so well made me even more confused why there wasn’t any.

It makes me sad truly. You can’t call your game diverse when it isn’t. The Arcana is not a diverse game. It’s a lazy game with a hollow attempt at representation.

I am open to discussion on this as it’s something I’m passionate about. So if you have any insights or want to voice your own opinion I’d be happy to hear it!

[therealvinelle]

Hey, @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin sent me to you for some spicy opinions. Have you read the hunger games? Do you have any headcanons? Any thoughts on main characters that is different from the way the author meant to portray? I really enjoyed your thoughts on Twilight and I’ll admit I disliked Twilight but not because of the characters being too flat and boring (I don’t agree with that) but just because of the writing style and the framing of the relationships. It really annoyed me. But your headcanons made me realize that there were some hidden gems in there. So thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I like that my life has gotten to a point where I’m the Muffin’s referral point for spicy opinions. And I’m very glad you enjoy my Twilight metas!

When it comes to my spicy hunger games opinions, I don’t actually know how spicy they are. They’re definitely very spicy considering what Hollywood tried to do, but I think I’m actually pretty much in tune with Susanne Collins. Tumblr certainly agrees with me, which is very rare but quite nice. The Muffin and I don’t actually want to have spicy opinions, it’s just that we’ll say shit like “Luke’s not a real jedi” and expect it to be obvious but nope, turns out the entire Star Wars fandom begs to differ. So, I think I agree with Collins on what she wrote, which is great, but I honestly can’t tell anymore what the authors want me to think so who knows.

So, first of, there is no love triangle in those books. And I’m not simply saying that the love triangle wasn’t the focus of the books, I’m saying that the love triangle did not exist.

Katniss and Gale were close friends and if it hadn’t been for the hunger games then yeah, they would probably have ended up together. However, the hunger games happened, and Katniss was a very changed person after that. Gale was still the same, and more, he did not get it, at all. He didn’t understand the person Katniss had become and wanted the old one back. They continued to hang out because they’d grown up together, but at this point it was only the memory of their old friendship holding them together and not the real thing.

Then we get into the third book, in which Gale grows enamored with weaponry and the quest for revenge against the Capitol, proudly displaying to Katniss his sadistic device that’ll later kill Prim. Katniss is horrified, and as usual Gale doesn’t get it. Their relationship with violence are polar opposites: Katniss has been forced to kill to protect herself, Gale takes pride in designing devices that’ll kill as many civilians as possible.

On to Katniss. The first big mistake Hollywood made with her was casting Jennifer Lawrence. Katniss of the books is an impoverished and starving child. Lawrence has the wrong body type for that, and more, she has the completely wrong presence. It’s like casting Timothee Chalamet for Thor. 

Then we have Katniss herself.

Katniss, as I see her, is not a hero at all, and she’s not supposed to be. A hero is too positive a word, as heroes get to choose their own destiny. St. George chooses to go slay the dragon. Katniss is thrown into an arena and told to kill children. She has nobility, grace, and kindness, she is indubitably brave and selfless. It’s not her character I’m questioning. But to call her a hero is to play into the narrative that there’s anything glorious or inspiring about her story, and there isn’t. She’s a traumatized child who’s propped up by powerful people to be a symbol. At first it’s the Capitol making her and Peeta star-crossed lovers, and then we have the resistance making her their rallying point. Katniss has no control over any of this. The hunger games is not the inspiring story of a girl who rallies the forces of good against the evil empire, but rather the story of a child who is grossly taken advantage of by both sides.

Then there’s the fact that even before the Capitol happened, Katniss had been forced to grow up too early. Her mother failed to be a mother, and so Katniss became the family caretaker, raising Prim like a daughter rather than a sister and keeping the family alive. Her childhood died with her father, and it is an unusually jaded and sad child who enters that arena. This doesn’t make her better suited for what she endures over the course of the trilogy, but less. Katniss has had no one to rely on, comes to rely too much on Peeta, which in turn makes her crumble like a house of cards when she loses him.

Going slightly back to the love triangle debacle, Katniss ends up with Peeta not so much because they’re the star-crossed lovers the Capitol wanted, but because after the arena Katniss is really only able to connect with people who know exactly what it’s like. Peeta, Finnick, Haymitch - these three all become deeply precious to her, there is a bond forged between victors because no one else can ever truly understand. Peeta/Katniss wouldn’t have happened in a timeline where they weren’t reaped, but they were, and now they’re each other’s only real option.

Not to mention that as victors they’ll live lives the rest of their district can’t really relate to. They have nice houses and a pension, which is alienating enough, but they’ll also be forever entangled with the Capitol, either as prostitutes, mentors, or both. Gale likes Katniss, but he could never have a wife like that.

By the end of the trilogy, Katniss is a traumatized mess of a girl, and so is Peeta. They choose to have kids anyway, something I have mixed feelings about. I see what Collins wanted with that. Katniss makes it clear early on in the series that she never wanted children, because those kids might get reaped. And, to my recollection, it was also that she just thought the world was a too cruel place. The fact that she still chooses to have kids can only be seen as a sign of healing, that Katniss now feels safe enough in this world to bring others into it.  Which is nice. Except I think that losing Prim is what made the real difference to Katniss. Prim was her daughter, and having children is the closest she’ll get to getting Prim back. I’m also slightly worried Peeta will one day snap and strangle them. There’s also the fact that I really don’t think Katniss and Peeta are parent material by the time those books are through. It’s bad enough that Katniss had to be her mother’s therapy animal, she shouldn’t repeat the cycle. But maybe I should have more faith in Katniss. And damnit, I want to be happy for her. In other words, I have mixed feelings on those kids. This all being said, I’ve heard people think it’s out of character for Katniss to have kids, and I disagree with that. I think it’s a very Katniss thing to do. The question is whether becoming a mother was a good decision.

(Since your ask pretty much put a coin in the ramble box, I’ll ramble some more: the whole “children are healing” thing in the epilogue happens through Annie Cresta as well. The girl is more traumatized than anybody after her hunger games, and codependent with her lover, Finnick Odair. Finnick dies tragically, luckily it turns out Annie was pregnant so now she gets a baby too. I question her ability to raise a child on her own, but the fact that both Katniss and Annie get to have kids points to those children symbolizing healing and happiness.)

[quickspinner]

S4E1 Truth Reactions

Just a reminder, you can filter #quickrants if you don’t want to see this kind of thing.

So...I’m not that upset.  I think I’m in the minority here, but clearly my expectations were sufficiently low and I’m really mostly okay with it. I wanted one thing out of this episode, for them to not screw up Luka’s character, and I got that. 

There’s a lot of things I’m not happy about, but all indications from early on were that they were going to break the ship up way sooner than we expected, so I kind of had time to make my peace with that. I just wanted them to keep Luka’s character intact, and for him and Marinette to part on good terms so that we can HC that they get together later when they are both more mature.

The things that I didn’t like were so typical that they didn’t even bother me that  much:

Literally every character they could possibly shoehorn in saying “Marinette is in love with Adrien Agreste” (however, note, that while every other character was talking about Adrien, aside from that first convo, Marinette was not)

Adrien didn’t even show up and it was all about him, from the rambly confusion in Marinette’s bedroom, to Luka saying “hey, if you’re still in love with Adrien, I’ll understand.” 

Chat Noir saying he would never force a secret from Ladybug when the entire episode Siren exists. I mean, regardless of how you feel about Chat’s behavior in that episode...he was trying to force the issue. If not from Ladybug, then to get Ladybug’s secret from Plagg, all without being akumatized. 

The biggest issue I have with the episode is the way they shoehorned the Couffaine family drama into it, which meant that neither plot thread got the attention it needed/deserved, and as a result, they had to skip over a lot of stuff, and the entire narrative of the episode was choppy. Would it have been that hard to have a few episodes leading up to this where we saw Marinette ditching Luka on dates, instead of cramming it all into one montage of pain? And we’re really going to go from Jagged saying that he basically ditched his family for no good reason, into Luka hugging him and letting him be the dad-comforter at the end of the ep? AND WHAT ABOUT JULEKA? Does she just not count because she’s a girl and men only care about their sons? Astruc just doubled down on the twin thing on Twitter, but we’re not even going to address that at all? 

That whole thing should have been dealt with in another episode; Luka could have found out in this one, and then we could have seen him approaching Jagged as a civilian later (maybe we’ll still see this, but I don’t have any faith it will happen) to work it all out. 

I admit I kinda screamed when Anarka said it, though. I didn’t think they would ever confirm it on air. The way it was handled, though, ugh. Jagged really comes off like a deadbeat jerk and then he just, what? Gets forgiven for no reason? After he wrote a song called “My Guitar Is My Only Family”???? 

Also, the episode as a whole was visually really ugly, and Luka really got the worst of it. Like, yikes. I don’t know why they went full on Lord of the Rings with the special effects, either, can’t you make a character look shocked without inverting the entire background? Multiple times? 

Side note: can I just say how hilarious I find it that Hawkmoth repaired the peacock Miraculous with a 50 cent pin back from Joanne’s and by saying “Repair yourself!” Just...so ridiculous.

There were a lot of things I liked.

The sincerity of the movie date. Marinette may have flaked big time not remembering it, but once they actually got out together, away from other influences, they were having so much fun! Going to see a movie they knew was terrible because they both love Jagged so much! I have hearts in my eyes. They were super cute! Their lyric guessing contest! They way they were so focused on each other and having fun. Marinette’s cute way of giving him his gift for ‘winning’ the contest, and Luka using their lyric game to ask for a kiss, and having that cute little nervous look before he really went for it. I’m gonna be watching that scene like a billion times. 

My heart broke for both of them when Marinette kept running off. I like that they made it clear that this was an ongoing thing. That one moment of Luka being snarky and upset that she didn’t come to the concert just hurt that much more because he’s normally so calm. It really hurt when he didn’t get excited that she finally arrived.

But what happened after that was so Luka. He didn’t get sulky and passive aggressive. He didn’t get upset with her in front of everybody. He took her somewhere private, somewhere that was important to him, and he gave her context for how he was feeling by sharing something private about himself, and he asked her as gently as possible what was going on. I think it’s telling that he made a point of letting her know that he was okay with it if she was still hung up on Adrien.  All he really wanted from her was confirmation that she was committed to this relationship, because after being ditched so many times it’s natural to start questioning whether she was really ready for this, and he didn’t want to be pressuring her into something. He just wanted her to tell him the truth. I think the parallel he gave her was nice, too; not only was he sort of letting her know he maybe has some abandonment issues that are making this hard for him, he’s giving her an opening to admit that she gets overwhelmed for whatever reason and that she ditches him to go hide and collect herself. In spite of all the things he is clearly feeling, he’s so careful with her, and it shows even more when he’s fighting his akumatization. Because his feelings are that she should tell him, that she should trust him, and he’s hurt that she doesn’t, but what he says, and what his behavior backs up, is that you can’t force the truth out of people (nice callback to Silencer there, where Ladybug said something similar about forcing someone to tell the truth is meaningless). He wants to believe that Marinette trusts him and has a good reason for not telling him; he wants to believe that if he can make her feel safe enough she’ll choose to confide in him. Poor guy is just trying to understand without spilling his bad feelings all over her. That’s really the core of what I like about Luka; he’s thoughtful, respectful, and gentle, but he confronts issues head on. He did it in Silencer, he did it in Felix, he did it in Miracle Queen, each time getting right to the heart of what Marinette was having trouble saying without putting pressure on her to admit anything she wasn’t ready for her. That’s what I was really, really scared of losing in this episode and I am just over the moon that they handled it so well. 

The akuma is another story, but akumas are akumas. Those where his emotions without control and I’m not upset about that. Both of Luka’s akumas were about anger and powerlessness. 

I feel deeply cheated that we didn’t get any kind of scene of Luka coming back to the boat, and Anarka having to tell him again about Jagged because he doesn’t remember, but she said it in front of everyone (including Juleka) so there’s no way to keep it a secret anymore. The cut to the breakup scene on the bridge was just so abrupt, and there was so much that should have happened between that that we should have seen.

I would have liked to have seen Marinette finding him, and asking if he’s okay, and giving him a little sympathy before finally giving him the honesty he asked for. Even when she tries to say it, that she can’t give him the relationship he deserves right now (and I’m eternally grateful that she didn’t lie to him and tell him that it actually was because of Adrien), Luka makes a choice. He closes his eyes as he hugs her (which I think is significant, given the whole third-eye imagery of Truth) and he doesn’t make her say it. Honestly, I usually feel gross about using the word ‘deserved’ in relationships, but I think it’s justified here--he deserved for her to look him in the eye and tell him that she couldn’t be with him. But he didn’t make her do it. He wasn’t angry at her, and they didn’t part with bad feelings, and he was Luka right up until the end.

Maybe it’s sad that that’s as much as I felt could be reasonably hoped for in this episode, but there it is. I’m not happy, but I’m satisfied.

[theajaheira]

i have so much to say about riley okay. i love riley. i really feel the writers basically destroyed his character in order to get rid of him for plot reasons. imo buffy’s “distance” in their relationship was way overblown. the text of the show said she was keeping him at arm’s length but honestly i don’t really see it? show don’t tell. season 5 had some sprinkles of an interesting arc for riley, with self destructiveness and feeling lost and such, but they threw in such ridiculousness as the vampire affair thing (which i was never really clear on if it was supposed to be drugs or s*x work) and being SO pissy about buffy’s slayerness. yes make him insecure but i would much rather have seen it focused on him being sad/jealous that she has a mission and a framework and a parent figure that he no longer has. yes make him struggle to adjust to civilian life culminating in him leaving again but don’t blame buffy for it. either that, or make it clearer that she was being distant. because i do think that could’ve been an important point for her character but they JUST DIDNT SHOW IT and didn’t do anything with it afterwards anyway! i mean ok you show her getting out of bed to hunt vampires, you show her being a little distracted because her MOTHER might be DYING, but like. idk if this is a controversial opinion but no matter how many times i watch s5 i just don’t see it, at least not to the point i think we’re supposed to. xander’s convo with buffy in into the woods makes me want to punch him. anyway this got rambly but the point is that i think riley’s character really suffered from lazy writing with misogynistic undertones. he spends the entirety of season 4 being someone that i think the fandom would remember more fondly and listen i’m not opposed to his whole self destruction thing! it makes sense! but they took ALL of his issues and made it about Girlfriend Stronger Than Me >:(. he loses so much with walsh, military structure, faith in government, clear morality of demons bad humans good.. but the show is all focused on his physical loss and it annoys me. anyway i love him and i adore your hypothetical riley & jenny interactions

so i haven't seen season five in like forever which is why i've been so non-confident in my take being exactly like yours, but this ask is so GRATIFYING. like from what i remember of season five, riley was written out in the same kinda halfhearted, cruel way that imo has a lot in common with oz -- it's abrupt, it's not a sendoff, and it's a reason for him to not stay in contact with the scoobies. and like you say, there is SO much interesting stuff that they could have done with riley that just gets sidelined as the show instead focuses in on his masculinity! as though any Normal Man would on principle feel uncomfortable with a girl who's stronger than him, and riley is therefore a representation of that normalcy rejecting buffy. but that take so ignores riley's personal motivations + his potential as a character and i haaaaaate that.

and yeah, it just feels so weird that riley would react to buffy drawing away because her MOTHER IS DYING and be like "you need to handle your grief in a way i can understand." like that is such a horrible move that does not at all mesh with his season four characterization, made WORSE by the fact that the show itself tries to frame riley as the one in the right. season five seems to try and really push this idea that riley was Driven to be terrible because of buffy not being good enough for him, and watching it leaves a rotten taste in my mouth. it makes sense that people would be upset about riley's season five characterization, but i think the ire should be directed towards the show rather than the character.

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I ever S2

SPOILERS.....Turn back now I’m serious.

I’m waiting....

Okay cool your fault at this point

I was fairly critical of NHIE S1, I won’t lie. And I’ll be real I still stand by the fact that NHIE S1 was fairly meh overall. 

But holy shit, they knocked this season outta the world man. The show really really found its proper footing this season. They were smart to keep the cheating for only two episodes and explore the repercussion for the other 8. 

1.Devi Vishwakumar.

Let’s start with the main character.  Devi still does immensely fucked up shit this season. Dating two boys and have them find out in the MOST humiliating way possible. Yikes. Being a really sucky friend to Aneesa and starting that rumour about her (inadvertently) and pretending to her. Stalking her mother and being possessive of her. The really awful apology that was pretty self centred, a bit not good. 

 But she really does do her best to improve and I am SO proud of that. She uses her father’s advice and apologizes better to Aneesa, she actually handled the Ben and Aneesa dating WAAAAY better than I’ve seen some people handle things like that. I might’ve blown a fuse if two of my friends had 4 tickle fights and had major PDA sessions when we were trying to do a group project. Like she handled that shit fairly well all things considered. Devi actually gets into the beginnings of delving into her trauma and her temporary paralysis and healing from it. I

 really see how the label ‘crazy’ weighs on her and how she blew up with it and the message of destigmatizing mental illness. (Crazy Aneesa and Crazy Devi)  Her properly bonding with her mother and watching videos of her father and remembering/honouring his memory hit REALLY HARD (since I lost many people in my family recently and that fear of forgetting them has been real). Devi is actually beginning to heal from the loss of her father by strengthening the relationship with her Amma. And the slap from Paati was so so needed, it really gave her a better respect of her mother and fixed the problem I had with Devi mouthing off so much to her Amma. I live to see good maamiyar marumagal relationships. Her relationship with Paxton is really good and it gets developed very logically and having her be scared of being pathetic but in the end she accepted her own self worth and stopped chasing after them which was good. 

Overall Devi really blossomed into her own developing person and I actually like her so much more this season. 

2. Paxton Hall Yoshida

I was honestly, like genuinely sad last season he was like 80% eye candy with not much else going for him. Paxton had so much faith as a character and Ms Kaling has really pulled him into such a better person this season. 

Paxton got hit by a car before swim season, lost his ticket to college and wow, got two timed by a girl he liked all in two episodes. If he was salty about that for more than one season I would’ve completely accepted it. Cause that’s a bad public humiliation. 

Paxton episode really really made me love him as a character (honestly more so than Ben) I think because I heard Paxton’s entire worry and irritation that he was being underestimated and no one really expected him to go to college from a friend of mine not more than a month ago. That shit is real, and it hurted my friends a lot that people were really underestimating them and just seeing them as a dumb athlete who has no hope of college. It’s really nice to see Paxton actually want to go to college and learn Japanese American side with his Oji-chan giving him advice and supporting him. And him bringing his grandfather to speak about the internment camps, that seriously do not get spoken about enough.

Also him putting effort and making a genuine effort to work hard and bring up his grades with Devi and therefore bonding with her was really nice to see. I wouldn’t mind them being endgame but Devi does really work a lot better as his pushy Indian mom/best friend/tutor.  And Devi getting mad at him for him expecting him to hold his hand throughout really hit well. Was it deserved yeah. But Devi also did blow him off after promising him to study so his anger is justified there. I’m just kinda vibing with Paxton like coming up and taking a better interest in school and being a full 3D character. And that one scene where he gives the extra credit presentation and Trent high fives the man. Classic. 

Can I also just say, it’s kinda valid that Paxton didn’t want to date her in public. Is it a dick move...yeah? But he’s within his rights to ask and she’s within her rights to deny. And he didn’t press her once she said no, he went along with it. And what Devi pulled on him is awful, and speaking as someone who’s seen popular kid cliques. Reputation really is important. Like what Devi did made Paxton lose face, if he gets back with Devi he ain’t gonna have any respect left in him. And Paxton was pretty right in deciding to not date her publicly, like even in the end he knows that his reputation is shot for what he did. Do we even know if Paxton has friends that aren’t fixated on his social status? Because becoming a social pariah without having any support of friends is gonna hurt like a bitch. Lord knows how Paxton gonna deal with it. I think Trent might be his only homie after the social downfall he will inevitably face. 

I’m just gonna say, Paxton is my favourite now and I’m really rooting for him. Something I decidedly did not do last season. I’m happy Ms Kaling developed him so much and got me interested. 

3. Ben Gross

Ah. Ben. Ben’s not my faaavouriteee.......like he’s fine. But I don’t love him. I can definitely see him and Devi becoming an almost endgame couple though. Especially with S2 ending. 

Ben is fine and he’s pretty developed, especially with his episode in S1 and it was good he took a backseat this season and let everyone else star. I feel like he’ll come back strong next season though. 

Personally do I ship him with Devi? No. I’ve been in a friendship with the similar competitive dynamic as Ben and Devi. And it was terrible. We loved to argue and we got each other’s super brainy side as Devi puts it. But we pushed each other faar too much and even the small things became arguments and each pthers achievements became jealousy. So yeah....I don’t have too much faith in the dynamic due to personal bias, but I’d love to see how it gets handled. 

Also my brother Ben, PDA is a thing and it is common courtesy to refrain from it. Man’s really going at it with Aneesa half the time. But also the moment where Aneesa sort of choked on the presentation and Ben’s irritation at it gave me BAAAD vibes. It feels like while Devi can match him, they might push each other too far, 

4. Kamala 

I LOVE KAMALA. Girl is an ENTIRE vibe. My sweetheart, love of my life. I could go on. I really like her development as well and the banter between her and Nalini. The part where Nalini practically said she looked like a call girl and she was like ippadi potathaan velaila mariyaatha kidaikum. I legit had to pause, scream in laughter for a good few seconds. 

They had such a good story with her and wanting to fight against the fact that they took her work and didn’t credit her and everyone was telling her to like take it bowing. Prasanth’s advice unfortunately checked out to me, because I’ve been told that all my life. My dad says it a lot and I know he doesn’t say it cause’ he doesn’t believe in me, but he loves me and wants my life to be easier and for me to succeed and his experience is that he’s had to deal with things like this and fighting won’t help. So yeah, what Prasanth said did not rub me the wrong way at all and I agreed with it and I’m fairly disappointed about that. I get that she got nervous and had cold feet about marriage but I do hope she and Prasanth can work this out through communication. Because I really don’t feel like Prasanth is the bad guy here. It’s just a miscommunication. 

So yeah, a LOT of Kamala’s storyline continues to really hit me hard. 

5. Nalini Vishwakumar

Nalini really had so much more screentime to blossom. I love that she has a good relationship with Mohan’s amma. It’s wonderful and I love it. Also I was shocked to see the house in Chennai. Like this house...in Chennai. The Chennai I’m used to and the Chennai they are used to are different Chennai’s. Basically wealth gap is crazy as hell and I was lowkey highkey confused if the actually shot this shit in Chennai. But props to the directors for putting some proper Tamil vibes in there. Like the scene where they kaala thottu kumbudurathu (touch the elder’s feet) before they leave for the US is so real and so vibes. I like that they decided to bring paati back. I was like hoping for it.

Also they really went at developing Nalini’s character as a workaholic mom who doesn’t get her daughter. That’s also a really common thing in Indian households with one working parent so I’m happy they portrayed that. I’m happy Nalini actually has a life outside her family portrayed and is still such a typical mother that it hits HARD. I love Nalini and she really developed as a character dealing with grief from Mohan’s death, the wish to move on with Dr.Jackson but knowing that she isn’t ready yet. 

They gave her character a life and proper working outside Devi and it really has shown to develop her character and impact her relationship with Devi. The advice to “just say yes” works with cousins and younger siblings as well, I’ve heard it before and used it..and it saves so much time. Especially with small children. 

(A memory I have is of my younger cousin going on and on about a princess and a castle and fighting a dragon and the witches and so much fantasy shit and ended with do you wanna come? I just clocked off my CCA’s and I had no energy left to question it so I just went yeah sure. Easiest decision, and 10/10 advice. )

6. Aneesa

I’m not gonna lie. I was skeptical of Aneesa and I didn’t like how Devi saw her in the trailer. But Aneesa reminds me so much of me....and its killing me. 

Also the scene where she charms the hell out of Nalini and paati ma has literally happened to me before. Most of my Indian friends hate it..because I was raised with a lot more traditional manners with my grandparents so me and my siblings all are old fashioned which parents LOVE. And I really saw that Aneesa charming them and Devi also realizing, Damn none of my friends actually treat my family the way they should be treated, perks of having an Indian friend. 

Also the scene where she gets Devi out of trouble is so so real. Because if you have one responsible friend that you parents trust, you could lie the hell to them, get you homie to back you up and it will work. Personal experience. So yeah, Aneesa character resonated with me a lot.

I also like that she wasn’t just a popular 1D Indian girl but she was genuinely cool and actually had proper issues and development where she gets more open to Sherman Oaks and actually kinda properly rebels against Noor, with having Ben as a boyfriend. 

I feel like Aneesa has a lot more potential for growth, especially with the relationship with Ms Noor and Aneesa acting as a foil to Nalini and Devi’s. Also, I feel like Aneesa can grow within her social status at school as well and have Devi maturely handle it. Aneesa I feel will really really challenge Devi’s ability to be mature. 

7. Eleanor and Fabiola’s plotlines

Okay like actually, major props to Ms Kaling man. This show touches so so many teen issues in one goddamn show. Emotionally manipulative relationships. So SO good. A lot of newer age relationships have a much more subtle and dangerous line of abuse that’s hard to find out. Like honestly it took me a while to see it as well and I realized oh fuck. oh fuck...I see it it’s bad. They really got the essence of Eleanor’s flamboyance matching with Malcom? (is it Malcolm..fuck it it’s Malcolm now) his “suaveness” and traditionally charming tendency. It made sense and it’s very realistic how Eleanor got played like a damn fiddle. I also again feel that the make up was faar to quick but I really appreciate that Eleanor got her own storyline with her step-mom and understanding of relationships instead of the show hyperfocusing on just Devi. I respect that a lot.  Petition to get a Eleanor narration episode. 

Fabiola’s storyline also was well taken. It’s an interesting added layer to the queer experience and how queerness can be expected to be performative and but really its all about being more of yourself. The idea that queer people don’t owe nobody anything or have to perform an ideal version of queerness and Fabiola struggling with that kinda hit. The part where they talked about her mother learning to support them and being Cricket? Queen/King. Like being trailblazers for the POC community and the LGBTQ+ community having overlapping struggles. Again, I liked that Fabiola was getting more personal screentime and less of her story revolving around Devi’s. 

8. Everything else

I liked that there was more Tamil being casually thrown around. Like the Kamala vaadi to hold the suitcase down as they zipped it together was funny and relatable. The accents were really interesting because I promise you, I had no clue what they were saying sometimes. Nalini’s dialogues in Tamil were like immensely difficult to understand, and my Tamil is fluent. This isn’t a criticism... I’m fairly certain the difference is to do with the regional difference. American Tamil and Malaysian + rural Tamil slang are going to have huge accent differences so there’s no surprise that I found Nalini’s Tamil hard to understand. 

I’m really really really meh about the Kamala and Manish/Mr Kulkarni thing. I still think she should sort it out with Prasanth maybe but I’m open to seeing where it goes. I might change my mind with it. 

This show like any other show had its highs and lows. But I really really do feel that NHIE season 2 managed to truly figure out what the hell it wants to do and developed into a very strong and very entertaining show in terms of representation and diversity. I’m looking forward to season 3. 

[teamfreewill2pointo]

Sam’s Emotional Arc 1/3

I hated the finale immediately, but I’ve spent some time with it and talked to friends who loved it. I can see now what it was about, and I’ve come to appreciate the story they were trying to tell, even if I think it didn’t land right.

I’ve been told that my meta on this has helped other people come to terms with the finale, so I thought I’d compile it in one place from across various discord channels and twitter posts. If you are struggling with the finale, I hope it helps you.

Part of this actually started with a shit post. I was making a joke about Sam being psychic since he was scared of clowns when Dean died by one. I realized that may have been deliberate. I dug into the story more and now I’m convinced it was. Then I came across some excellent meta that fit with the themes I was finding and opened up the series even more for me.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it. First, Sam’s journey. 

Clowns pop up in s15 before the barn scene. In 15.01, which was written by Dabb, Sam is injured by a clown. Castiel is able to save Sam and heal his injury. The clown keeps coming after Sam, with Sam having fight scenes with the clown, while others attack the other ghosts. The clown is kicking the shit out of Sam again, and Castiel saves him once more. Sam is unable to fight off the clown on his own both times.

They run until they are able to escape outside a magical barrier. Sam turns to the clown and says, “shut up”. 

This is literally Sam running from his fears. On top of that, this isn’t just any clown, but the ghost of John Wayne Gacy, from an episode also written by Dabb.

Dean: A serial killer clown. I mean, this is, like, the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to you, you know, ‘cause you love serial killers, but – but you hate clowns.

Sam gets nervous and struggles with the lighter before he’s able to get rid of the clown, for now.

I believe this is a metaphor for hunting in general: it’s both the best of Sam’s life and also the worst. The clowns symbolize his relationship with Dean.

Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie was co-written by Dabb (see the pattern?). Sam’s fear of clowns was known since season 2. In season 7, Dabb explored where this fear came from.

On the surface, Sam’s fear is just because he found them creepy, but the episode explains that they actually come from Sam’s fear of being left behind by Dean.

This episode comes directly after an episode where Sam worried that Dean would get himself killed

Sam: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't – don't get killed. Dean: I'll do what I can. Sam: Well, what's that supposed to mean? Dean: It means I'll do what I can. All right? You can shut up about it.

Sam is dealing with Hallucifer at this moment, but Hallucifer doesn’t really scare him. Losing Dean does.

Sam has a conversation with an employee about greatest fears.

Recognize the actress? She came back for s15 in 15.06. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. 15.06 featured Castiel helping a parent find their lost child in a season that features Castiel worried about losing Jack. Through his experience with her, Castiel confronts his fears and doubts and then returns to join in the fight against God. [I’ll touch on Castiel’s journey more in his chapter]

Sam’s greatest fear is losing Dean. There’s a lot in the series about how Sam felt lonely and abandoned for much of his childhood. A whole episode, Just My Imagination, centers around this. Sam hated when Dean went off on hunts without him.

source In The Chitters, Sam tells Dean how his fear of losing his family paralyzed him as child. It’s a story where an older brother dies and the younger brother never recovers from it until he’s able to lay him to rest (sound familiar???)

Sam: You know, whenever you and Dad used to leave me to go hunting, and I-and I wouldn’t hear from y’all for a while, I, um, I was always sure that some vamp or rugaru, or take your pick, I always figured one of them finally got ya. I tried to think what to do, you know, the next step to take. I was just lost. Dean: We came back, though, every time.

You might naturally think, “Wait a minute! Sam left Dean multiple times!” Honestly, this was something I had a huge issue with when watching through the show the first time. I didn’t understand Sam and hated him leaving Dean in s8. I was completely on Dean’s side at first. But, on multiple rewatches and talking to others, I’ve realized that when Sam left Dean, he was running from his fear. In this TV Guide interview, Jared perfectly sums up why Sam left in season 1; he couldn’t stand to see his family die. Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon along with a comic that explains why Sam left in detail. While the comic isn’t official canon, it shows Dabb’s thought process. In it, Sam sees his family as running towards a horrible end and can’t handle dealing with that.

Dean: So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it? Sam: No. Not normal. Safe.

There are many more points in the series where we learn about Sam’s fear of Dean dying. This would be 3948573945 pages long if I wrote them all out, so I’m going to focus on the key moments that loop back to this ending, but there’s so much more there.

If you are struggling with this and need more, please let me know and I can do a deeper dive into that subject. We first see Sam’s inability to let Dean go in season 1 when Sam refuses to let Dean die in Faith.

Dean: You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? Sam: I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

Sam’s whole arc in s3 is him being unable to handle Dean dying. He wants to save Dean, but Dean won’t let himself be saved. This was what Gabriel was trying to teach him in Mystery Spot.

Trickster: This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.

This is how Ruby gets under Sam’s skin and what gets him to start working with her. Everything Sam did was to save Dean. In s4, Sam’s arc is about him sacrificing himself in order to save Dean. He’s gutted from being unable to save Dean. In 4.12, Sam decides to drink demon blood in order to save Dean

Dean: [says that they will die early] Sam: Maybe we'll be different, Dean. Dean: What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life. Sam: What if we could win?Dean: "Win"?Sam: If there was a way we could just...put an end to all of it.

When Sam breaks out of the panic room, he’s suicidal. He’s determined to save Dean with his life as the cost he’s willing to pay. He didn’t think he would survive killing Lilith. He was committing suicide in that moment. The reason why Sam is so willing to sacrifice himself in s5 is because he has low self esteem. He blames himself for everything that goes wrong. In Sam, Interrupted 5.11, also by Dabb, Sam has a breakdown under the weight of his guilt. He hates himself and he feels his rage is out of control. In season 6, we see soulless Sam and, unlike souled Sam, he has no rage. Yes, he’ll kill when necessary, but he’s not angry. It was Sam’s fear driving his rage. He felt out of control of his life and let it lead him down a dark path. In season 7, he sees Dean heading down a dark path and he feels helpless to stop it. He worries about dragging Dean down and tells Dean to let him go. But, at the same time, he’s developing coping techniques. He’s starting to face his fears. 

And then Dean disappears and Sam completely falls apart. Sam didn’t have a healthy relationship with Amelia. They were two broken people clinging to each other. Sam and Dean struggle to reconnect after their time apart. There’s a lot of text addressing the horror of a partner dying and people trying to escape from it.

Mrs Holmes: He could see the end of my days were at hand, and... He had lived centuries all alone, but I don't think he could bear the thought of life without me. That's why he drove off that bridge. You must think I'm a monster.

In Hunteri Heroica written by GUESS WHO!?!? Sam finally acknowledges that he was living in a dream world with Amelia. He was running from his past. We see a flash back with Sam pressing on his scar, which he did to help himself distinguish fantasy from reality.

The episode is about a man refusing to engage in reality and harming those around him. Sam has a big confrontation with him

Sam: Look, it can be nice living in a dream world. It can be great. I know that. And you can hide, and you can pretend... all the crap out there doesn't exist, but you can't do it forever because... eventually, whatever it is you're running from – it'll find you. [CASTIEL appears to be taking Sam’s words to heart.] It'll come along, and it'll punch you in the gut. And then... then you got to wake up, because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Likewise, when Sam was with Jessica, he wasn’t honest about himself. He was hiding from his family and his past. Running to avoid pain. Sam is avoidant in general. Not just in his relationship with Dean. When he talks with Rowena in 13.12 Various & Sundry Villains about his fears of Lucifer, he admits that he could talk about it with Dean, but he can’t bring himself to.

Sam: I’ve seen it too. What he really looks like behind – behind whatever vessel. It… Yeah, still keeps me up at night. Rowena: How do you deal with it? Sam: I guess I don’t deal with it. Not really. I mean, I pushed it down and, um, the world kept almost ending, so I keep pushing it down, and I don’t know. [stammering] I really don’t talk about it, not even with Dean. I mean, I could. You know, he’d listen, but… That’s not something I really know how to share.

In 15.20, Sam’s past is front and center. Literally. I know a lot of people found the Winchester family portrait odd and upsetting, but it symbolizes something I’ll get to in a bit. Instead of trying to avoid his grief, Sam has moments where he lets it wash over him. He goes and sits in the car. He’s no longer avoidant. He’s no longer running away. He’s letting his grief move through him. He’s literally sitting with it.

Soulless Puppy pointed out that the characters emotional arcs is similar to DBT. Please look through their awesome meta here.

Personally, I see them as similar to the therapy I do called ACT. Both are forms of therapy where instead of fighting against them, you accept painful emotions and allow yourself to feel them. If you don’t do that work, then you can’t stop feeling them and your fears/ghosts will always haunt you.  In Swan Song, Chuck tells us that “Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.”  In 15.20, Sam initially didn’t want to let Dean go. He’s been refusing to do this since season 1. When he’s separated from Dean he lives a fake life or destroys himself/the world trying to get Dean back. There’s a moment in 15.20 where Sam looks at Dean’s guns. He wants to commit suicide, but he makes the choice to live. For the time in Sam’s life, he let Dean go and lived with his pain. He no longer ran from it. After Swan Song, Dean was unable to let Sam go. He wanted him back. After Carry On, Sam is able to do what Dean couldn’t do. He lives a life outside of Dean. What’s more, Sam has reconciled himself with his past and his family. It’s clumsy and I wish it were better shown, but having the family portrait and their parents in heaven isn’t meant to excuse the way Sam and Dean were raised. In order to move past the trauma of his relationship with his parents, Sam fully integrates them into his life. In Lebanon, Sam was able to confront and forgive his father. In doing so, he can also forgive himself. Mary asks for forgiveness too, and he grants it to her. He doesn’t forget what happened, but he’s able to move forward and leave the intergenerational cycle of violence. He’s able to raise his son, Dean, the way his brother should have been raised.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it.

I can see why people see Sam’s life after Dean as unhappy. I hated it so much because I saw it as horrible and sad the first time through. I had to sit with myself and my emotions first. I think it’s because we’ve been told by society that we have to get rid of our grief in order to be happy. The finale was showing us that it’s possible to do the opposite. [Personally I think it would’ve been better had they showed more overtly happy memories, but many of my friends saw this straight away] When I began therapy, one of the first things I learned was that there aren’t “negative” emotions. When working with our kids, we call them Big emotions. In DBT/ACT, all emotions are treated as normal and natural. Grief, anger, sadness, etc, these are all normal parts of the human existence. We don’t need to run from them in order to have happiness. We can live with them. As interstitial said in our chats, “you can't change the past, you can only change your relationship to it. To accept that your past contained both love and heartache, to miss it, but also know you can do better; that's actual recovery, as good as it gets.” As Soulless-Puppy explained to me, Sam lived in duality. Dean was dead, but Sam lived. Sam was happy, but he grieved. Dean was with him in the watch and the car and his son, but Dean also waited for him in heaven. I hated the finale the first time I saw it, then next watched it with my boyfriend who loved it. As we were watching together and discussing it, I realized that Dean’s death scene wasn’t just about him, but about the show itself. 

Dean promising Sam that he will be with Sam in Sam’s heart is also the show promising us that they will never leave it. That’s why Alex kept posting “The end has no end.” Just as Sam carried Dean with him in his heart, we will carry the show with us. I hope this helps. It’s a terrible thing to feel upset about an ending and thinking of the show this way, recognizing these patterns, is bringing me peace. I still have issues with how it was written, but now that I see what they were doing, I wish all the more that they had the chance to do it right. Please share your thoughts and experiences. I love hearing different opinions. Next up, Dean. Then Castiel.

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Okay, I have now read Well of Ascension, Hero of Ages, and Mistborn: Secret History. Main thoughts:

Undead Huan was the unexpected highlight of Well of Ascension. The relationships between Vin and TenSoon was wonderful! The gradual growth from mutual loathing; to Vin realising she was treating him cruelly and high-handedly in the same manner her crewleaders had treated her, and learning to empathize with him; TenSoon gradually shifting from finding the dog body degrading to finding freedom in it, an opportunity to express his own identity for once rather than mimicking someone else’s; Vin finding out he was an infiltrator and caring out him anyway; TenSoon risking the freedom of his entire people for her be ause he trusted her....this is one of Brandon’s masterpieces of empathic writing, and managed with a species that in the first book I hadn’t thought about beyond ugh, that’s incredibly creepy. TenSoon may be my second-favourite Mistborn character after Sazed.

The koloss are still super disturbing. Starting in Well of Ascension with “oh, they’re basically orcs” (or more like ogres? I think some settings have blue ogres?) moving to the revelation of “oh, no, they’re literally orcs” (i.e., Tolkien-style: corrupted and mutilated transformation of other sapient beings) was a major horror moment. Everything about Hemalurgy is horror-movie-level, really.

I honestly felt sorry for Elend’s friend in Well of Ascension, because trying to act rightly out of genuine idealism and seeing your whole family slaughtered because of it is one of the worst things I can imagine. (No, Elend, being voted out of office is not remotely comparable. C-minus diplomacy, there.) Elend’s execution of him was justifiable, since he did loose an army of koloss on a civilian population and then failed to take respinsibility for his actions. And it illustrates to me - as with Moash in the Stormlight Archive - that in Sanderson’s books the one unforgivable action is to stop trying. You can fail, you can do terrible things, you can attempt to make things better and instead make them worse (almost all the Mistborn protagonists do that!), but you have to respond by taking responsibility, continuing to try, and not giving up. Always the next step. The ones who refuse to take that next step die as villains.

The Stormlight Archive has had some dark moments, but Well of Ascension and Hero of Ages on a whole different level in terms of how bleak they get. Virtually everything the protagonists do - Vin giving up the power of the Well; the recruitment and use of the koloss; the wars; Spook’s revolution - are directly orchestrated by Ruin and play into his hands. In many cases, Ruin is playing both sides against each other! (And I’ve never seen the Orphan’s Plot Trinket trope used in precisely that way before!) This is a case where I’m very glad to have been spoiled on the ending (Sazed Ascending) beforehand, because I don’t think I could have kept reading without the knowledge that it turned out all right.

The Lord Ruler becomes a much more tragic figure - granted, he did screw everything up with moving the planet to the wrong place, and he was tyrannical and self-interested even without Ruin’s influence (e.g. subjugating the Terris people to prevent others from finding out what he did), but he also genuinely did try to prevent the world from being destroyed, and it seems like things like the random mass executions were attributable to Ruin’s influence.

The ending of Hero of Ages, with Sazed using the knowledge in his copperminds to restore the world, and understanding the value of all the religions he’d learned after spending the rest of the book doubting them, was one of the most beautifully-written eucatastrophes I have read. His storyline was emotionally wrenching to read (I love him! he’s such a kind and hopeful person! and seeing him lost in despair was so sad! every chapter with him was just no, please stop being sad D: I will give you all the hugs), but the payoff of it was wonderful - that going through what he did and still coming out the other side willing to believe was what made him able to hold Ruin as well as Preservation.

I had regarded Sazed’s storyline in Hero of Ages as an entirely normal crisis of faith after losing a loved one and was surprised when Secret History said it was the consequence of Ruin continually trying to break him down. That really stands out - all the other main characters, Ruin could manipulate to serve his ends, but he’d never have been able to do that with Sazed so he sought to drive him to despair instead.

Kelsier punching not one but both gods of Scadrial is so on-brand for him.

Kelsier and Wit hating each other is hilarious because they have pretty much the exact same personality. Deilberately taunting and abrasive? Yep. Entirely irreverent? Yep. Complete smartmouths? Yep. Meeting Wit is exactly what Kelsier deserves - now he gets the experience of dealing with himself!

[deepdonutkid]

Can I ask for multiple character break downs?👀

Well if I can, then would you please do one for Ada and one for Tommy and one for John

But if only one has to be done, then you can choose any one of these.

Thanks! <3

Thanks for the ask! 💞

Ada Thorne nee Shelby

How I feel about this character

Just love for her! She is adorable, strong, fierce, absolutely amazing! Ada and Polly are the best developed female character on the show. Mainly, because Tommy can’t fuck them, so they can’t be reduced to his love interest, which is such a good thing, because I love strong women. Makes me weak in my knees.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Freddie Thorne, Ben Younger, Jessie Eden, because Ada is bi, she just gives off that vibe, u know.

Somehow I prefer to read stuff with a female reader for her, more than a male reader for her. Because it’s either Freddie x Ada for me or Ada x female reader.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Lizzie, Polly, Ada and Linda are an amazing combination! She and Tommy have an interesting dynamic as well! I would have loved to see more John and Ada interactions, because they have not such a big age gap inbetween, so I think they are close. Especially after Ada got her child and John got married with Esme. Oh, Ada and Esme would have sooo much fun together. Esme would be like the sister Ada never had.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I think her character changed a lot between season 1 and 2, because of Freddie’s death and also after she joined the business again. Sometimes when I make memes or the alignment charts, I have two icons for her, one from first season and one from third season, because I think she is one of the characters who changed the most through the series. First season Ada would do a lot of things different and more naive than third season Ada. Mainly, because she still believed in communism in season 1 and she somehow lost her faith after losing Freddie. Which is super understandable tho.

She acutally becomes wiser with age... unlike her brothers, who just do the same shit over and over again.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wished Ben hadn’t died, because they kill her lovers even fast than Tommys. WTF, right?

On the other hand I wished Ada talked some sense into Jessie, to NOT SLEEP WITH TOMMY THE WHORE SHELBY! Because Ada knows her brother very well and I think she genuinely liked Jessie, or she liked her enough to save her from the pain of being Tommy’s toy or pleasure doll.

And I’m still bitter about the way they killed of Freddie... but more about that later...

Tommy Shelby

How I feel about this character

Relationship status: It’s complicated!

Yes, well, I ramble about Tommy’s shit a lot. I know! He is still an intersting character and it’s so tempting to think about his actions in certain situations, but if I would meet him as a person- I would hate him from the bottom of my heart! <3

He is such an asshole all the time and when I first watched the show, I forgave him a lot he did to his siblings, because I was caught up with his good looks and the presentation of him being the good guy who does bad things to survive. But I spend some time to think about his actions and I noticed, he is an awful human being... to Polly, to his siblings, to his lover and actually to everyone. He might think he does all those mean things to archive a bigger goal, but he is just a gambling addict who can’t stop taking risks he isn’t even prepared for.

Shitty things Tommy has done over time:

Forcing his brother to marry somebody, John didn’t even know at that time, to end a feud, Tommy had started himself and only when it was in his favour to end it, he used John as pawn, so he could archive his plan. HOW FUCKED UP WAS THAT? Nobody seems to talk about this. It was fucking awful! And the way he did it was horrible to! Tommy said nothing to John until the very last moment, when they were already surrounded by enemies, so John couldn’t said no. It also shows, that Tommy thinks he is above his siblings. Tommy thought John wasn’t capable of chosing a wife for himself, so Tommy did that for him too. Even when John didn’t ask for this at all!

Destroying Ada’s relationship with Freddie and chasing his best friend out of town, just because... TOMMY WAS AGAINGST HIS SISTER HAVING A RELATIONSHIP. and yet he proclaimes to listen to woman and to give them a fair change. Maybe just not for our dear Ada!

Destroying Arthur’s marriage, because he kept dragging Arthur into shit, he wasn’t mentally stable enough for. Putting thoughts of rejecting Linda into Arthur’s head, by talking bad about Linda and making jokes about her any given time.

Sleeping with Lizzie over and over again, even when he knew she loved him and when she tried to get over him by dating someone new, he made the order to burn down the pub of Angel, humilated his family, and have him killed later.

Sleeping with Jessie, so he could use her

Humiliate Polly, when she was at her lowest, after Rueben had left her

Drag Michael into the illegal business after Polly begged him not to

Dragging Finn into all this shit after John died, because John wasn’t avaiable anymore

Calling Grace a whore, when they first met

Paying Lizzie in his head, even after she stopped being a sex worker

Helping a fascist

I could go on for a while, but you see my point here!

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Nobody! I want to see him miserable and alone! Honestly I’m never going to read all these soft!Tommy fics or whatever, because they really don’t interest me. I don’t want to see him happy.

But go have fun people and write and read whatever you want!

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Tommy and Lizzie, because they have a sexual relationship, which is not based on romance and I love this sad and depressing dynamic between them. It’s so interesting to write and read about.

Tommy and Ada are great in the show. I love their talks and Ada actually points out when Tommy is acting like a douche again.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I have a lot... where should I start?

I get so annoyed, when I see Tommy shown as a twink, because the actor is just 1,70m... which is not small to me. I know a lot of men around that height and I think they are average and not small. Also a lot of men feel bad for not being tall enough, because everywhere in our society it’s normal to have a tall man and a small woman. And the way tall man or small man are sexualized in this alpha/omega thing or in a top/bottom dynamic is so... meh. It’s really uncomfortable to see how people try to push the patriarchal man-woman dynamic into same-sex relationships.

Tommy is a class traitor and a horrible husband.

Man, I could rant for hours, but I stop right here. Just remember, please don’t feel attacked, I don’t mean to attack you. Even if you write or draw... whatever with Tommy, I would never say something bad about this. Enjoy creating Tommy content, I will love to ignore it!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I was so disappointed when they killed Freddie, because those two could have had an interesting and compelling relationship. Freddie could have been a great frenemie. I put this here and on on Ada, because their marriage wouldn’t changed the plot as much as Freddies and Tommys friendship. Tommy would have been a way better person, if Freddie was around.

John Shelby

How I feel about this character

MY HUSBAND! I love him and he has never done anything wrong in his life.

Nah, John has many faults, but I still adore him as a character, because his faults are actually making the plot more interesting. I also read, that he and Tommy fight a lot, because John is more moral and has way more integrity than his older brother. It was just hinted in the show, but I love this side fact and I will base my whole characterisation this.

I love to write, draw and read stuff with him. He is my favorite character from Peaky blinders and my love will never die, even though he did.

Funny tho, when I first watched PB, I adored Tommy and was annoyed by John, but as I rewatched it I changed my mind about those two.

He had so much potential and I would spend all my money, which is not much, but the devotions counts, to see a spin-off with just John and his army of children.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Esme, because they are sooo cute together!

My OFC, because I love writing them.

Any reader, because I’m a sucker for John.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

All kinds of interactions with other characters and John are great! My favorite is John and Ada to be honest. But here are other dynamics I adore as well:

John & Polly, (she would help him a lot with the kids)

John & Arthur (they come to the garrison to drink and play cards, they talk a lot about their problems, deep bond here)

John & Tommy (in my head they are always fighting)

John & Lizzie, because they have a great friendship, and they helped each other a lot. She spend time with the kids and he gave her financial support, so she would quit her job, which she didn’t do, because she feared being all alone again, and she has trust issues) (I’m actually writing a fic about these two)

John & his kids (I’m soft for dad!John)

John & Michael (especially in season three, because John seems to be jealous of Michael)

My unpopular opinion about this character

John is not completely stupid. Well, he is certainly not smart, but he works in the betting shop, and Arthur does not, or not really, because Arthur is bad at math... John at least knows his numbers. And also Tommy chose him to be the legal bookie over the others, so John must do a good job there. He just never got a degree or something similar like Michael. Which is also a reason, why John seems to be bitter about Michael joining the business. Michael was put in a higher position than he did.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

This one is obvious... John should have survived.

[adrinoir]

Who will be the next Hawk Moth?

Alright, well there’s a lot of different theories on who will be “the next Hawk Moth”. So I wanted to do a break down on some possibilities (warning: this analysis is REALLY long lol)

Lila

I feel like Lila is very likely to be the next one. She already has a leg up in working with Gabriel (despite not knowing he’s Hawk Moth).

Even though Hawk Moth hasn’t reached his goal of getting Ladybug and Cat Noir’s miraculouses, he’s made good progress. With Lila’s help, he’s gotten PRETTY damn close to getting them since she has that deep hatred of Ladybug. Without her, he wouldn’t have had his invasion of scarlet moths possessing Paris.

Additionally, Lila is pretty full of herself and does just about everything for her own benefit. She could easily grow a bigger hatred towards Ladybug and find out about the benefits of their miraculouses to have her own wish granted.

It’s really difficult to see her as a redeemable character since she has yet to show any redeemable qualities. But, hey, maybe there will be a plot twist where she’ll change her ways.

Chloe

As much as I’d LOVE to see Chloe develop into a better person since we see she is the way she is, I don’t have too much faith in Thomas Astruc’s writing.

Thomas initially started Chloe off as the annoying and conceited bully, then she started seeing the error of her ways, and finally...she was pulled back to square one.

It’s obvious that Chloe is pretty strong. She knows Hawk Moth is evil and has fought off an akuma even when she was super angry with Ladybug. However, Hawk Moth IS a rather powerful man and was able to akumatize Chloe on many occasions. She became his most successful akumatized victim as Miracle Queen. I feel like the fandom doesn’t talk enough about how Chloe managed to get almost ALL the miraculous holders to reveal their identities. (Don’t come for Hawk Moth in saying he hasn’t made a lot of progress - he HAS.)

The main issue with Chloe is that she can easily be manipulated into doing things for Hawk Moth because she has that disliking for Ladybug, deep down. She doesn’t want to hate Ladybug but obviously it’s been tough since she won’t let Chloe have her bee miraculous, and being Queen Bee is very important to her. Chloe wants to be powerful and heroic to feel good about herself since her mom doesn’t see her as something special (which is awful, I feel so bad for Chloe, honestly.)

Even though the likelihood is there, I really don’t want Chloe to become the next Hawk Moth. In season 4, it’d be nice to see some of her character development come back, and hopefully her and her mom build a stronger relationship now that Audrey has decided to stay in Paris with the family. Thomas Astruc needs to make Chloe better but KEEP it that way. She’s shown redeemable qualities and we know why she acts the way that she does. There’s a ridiculous amount of potential for her to be a wonderful, well-rounded character instead of just the evil bully Thomas makes her out to be.

Felix

So far, we’ve only seen Felix in one episode, but we already have a good idea of what he’s like. He’s very manipulative as a form of coping with his father’s death.

Felix already has a bit of a vendetta against Gabriel for keeping Emilie’s family heirlooms, and managed to steal them from Gabriel. He also wasn’t very nice to Adrien in pretending to be him and attempting to hurt his friendships. All of those things Felix did just prove he’d make a *good* villain.

My theory is that he’ll come back for at least one more episode, since he took the wedding rings that were very precious to Gabriel. However, it’s kind of strange to me that Felix hasn’t even been mentioned since his debut episode. So, we will see if this devilish boy makes a comeback.

Adrien

People have had this theory a while back, but it’s just incredibly unlikely at this point.

Adrien cares deeply about his mom and wants her back, of course. However, we see in Cat Blanc that he tried to cataclysm his own father for what he’s done. He was so hurt by his father’s motives, he triggered the end of the world.

There could potentially be an episode where Adrien hears his father out and tries the butterfly miraculous out for himself, but Bunnyx would come out of her burrow and shut that shit down.

OR, we know Gabriel is an awful father and he could somehow manipulate his own son to take his spot as Hawk Moth. (But again, Bunnyx could easily shut this down, too.)

Adrien loves being Cat Noir; he’s shown to be the Cat Noir in the future. He has an extremely good heart. So they’ve pretty much denied Adrien becoming the new Hawk Moth, at this point.

Luka

I think this is the most interesting idea I’ve seen on who the next Hawk Moth will be. (I recommend watching Cat Blanc x Princess Justice’s YouTube video analysis on this. It’s really good! I mention some of her points in here.)

Luka is almost too nice of a character. He cares a lot about other people and just sort of lets Marinette take advantage of his kindness, which is really sad, BUT there could easily be a motive we don’t know behind that, or he’s secretly bothered by it deep down.

There’s that theory that Luka knows Marinette is Ladybug. He could be trying to get closer to her to take the miraculous from her since he might know the power the ladybug and black cat miraculous hold.

Or, like I mentioned before, if Luka is bothered deep down by Marinette’s romantic feelings for Adrien, there could be something that happens that pushes him over the edge. We’ve even seen that Luka makes a terrifying villain as Silencer. He was super manipulative and had a lot of good tactics. Ladybug and Cat Noir DID in fact have a really hard time fighting him. Luka is also not the type of person to get angry like that, but Hawk Moth needs STRONG emotion to feed off of. So, considering how powerful of a villain Luka was, there’s clearly some anger boiling within him.

We also don’t have that much of a backstory to work off of. We’re slowly learning more, but think about it, for instance, we don’t know who his father is. Some people have theorized it’s Jagged Stone but we’re REALLY not sure. So, maybe it’s a motive of his to find his father.

Thomas Astruc made Luka a very likable character, enough so to get most of the fandom to actually like the Lukanette ship. Luka could have been made purposely likable so that the fandom won’t believe that he will be the next villain.

Another good point Cat Blanc x Princess Justice had made was that Miraculous World made a tweet that Miraculous will be introducing a new villain in season 4 - but it’s a character we already know. Lila and Felix are already known BUT they’re also already well-established villains....

Kagami

If Luka is a possibility, so is Kagami. Half the fandom thinks Kagami is great, the other half thinks she’s awful.

Kagami is shown to have a very strong personality (that sometimes comes off as a bit threatening). She’s very blunt about everything, very uptight, doesn’t beat around the bush. Those three characteristics are similar to Gabriel, HOWEVER Kagami has a caring soul and she really wants to be good to Adrien and Marinette.

So, it’s possible, but unlikely and definitely hard to pinpoint what intentions she could possibly have of becoming a villain. Maybe her mother pinches a certain nerve, or she can’t understand why Adrien doesn’t love her.

Additionally, Thomas Astruc doesn’t cut Adrien a lot of slack, let’s be real here. Adrien’s father is already Hawk Moth, he could switch it to his “girlfriend” being Hawk Moth.

Alya

So, I have a bit of an interesting theory on this since I haven’t really seen anyone else mention anything about Alya potentially becoming bad.

Despite Alya/Rena Rouge having a strong bond and trust with Ladybug, there’s that possibility she still wants to unveil who Ladybug really is - she still runs The Ladyblog, after all. And of course, unveiling Ladybug’s identity is extremely dangerous. She even posted the museum exhibit to her blog in Feast, which she didn’t realize was dangerous. It shows that she might slip and reveal something that she shouldn’t have.

Or, maybe Alya manages to lose Ladybug’s trust. Something monumental could happen. There’s already that bit of danger surrounding Ladybug and Rena Rouge since they’re such close friends in real life and know nearly everything about each other.

Hawk Moth also now knows that Alya is Rena, and could do something to push her to reveal something on The Ladyblog, therefore turning her into a villain.

Also, Alya already knows SO much of the Ladybug lore. She’s dedicated so much time to researching the lore behind the miraculouses. Also pretty dangerous and suspicious.

Nino

Like Alya, there’s a chance Nino also loses Ladybug and/or Cat Noir’s trust. When Nino first got his miraculous, he wasn’t very good at acting like a different person in his superhero persona. He could easily slip and reveal an something he isn’t supposed to.

He is the least likely possibility, but not completely impossible.

Tom or Sabine

I put these two in the same excerpt because they have about the same amount of likeliness to be the next Hawk Moth (or maybe one is Hawk Moth and the other is Mayura 👀)

Tom and Sabine are both super sweet, but also, we don’t know a whole lot about them. Since Gabriel - father of sweet cinnamon roll hero Cat Noir - is Hawk Moth, who’s to say superhero Ladybug’s own parents couldn’t become evil? It’d create a super interesting dynamic in the plot because it’s like how would Marinette react if one of her parents was Hawk Moth?

I have a stronger theory that Tom and Sabine used to be the old Ladybug and Cat Noir, but still. Don’t put it past Thomas Astruc to trick us somehow.

How would Gabriel fail (or lose his miraculous)?

One last thing I’d also like to analyze relating to this is this question.

Does Gabriel NOT end up ever getting Ladybug and Cat Noir’s miraculouses? Let’s look over some possibilities:

1) One of the villains he creates or senti-monsters Nathalie creates becomes too powerful and doesn’t give him the miraculouses once they’re captured.

2) He gives up and realizes all he needs is his dearest son Adrien.

3) He gets sickly and can’t fight anymore and passes on his miraculous for someone else to do the job.

4) Simplest answer: His miraculous is stolen.

[marmolady]

The Wreckage of What Was

Main Pairings: Estela x (f)MC

Summary: Rourke Ending. An explosive encounter with the woman who was once her wife has left Taylor shattered.

Word Count: 3528

Chronology: Directly following on from 'There Was This Girl'. Read that one first!

Tagging: @saivilo, @edgydepressedchoicesthot, @sceptilemasterr, @greengroove @mauvecatfic

Curled up under the covers, her head tucked in against her chest, Taylor closed her eyes tighter, ignoring the knocking on her apartment’s door. Or, at least… she tried to. She wasn’t sure of the time. There hadn’t been much point in checking; she wasn’t going anywhere. It mattered little if she fell behind in her classes. Straight A’s wouldn’t free Varyyn and his people from Rourke’s enslavement. Nor would they allow Jake and Mike to stop running, to come home. Nor cure Quinn’s Rotterdam’s. And they sure as hell wouldn’t make Estela know her again. Love her again. Tears prickled Taylor’s eyes. The skin around her eyes and nose was red raw from crying, from being wiped and dabbed by what felt like enough tissues that she could call herself personally responsible for the felling of a small forest. Still, the tears came, because the all-encompassing sadness, the helplessness, just didn’t stop.

“Taylor! You can’t just hide in there forever!”

She didn’t want to see Diego. It made no sense to her that he didn’t loathe her. She’d been the one with the deciding vote, and it was she alone who could’ve fixed everything… if only she’d had the guts. Taylor saw herself as a coward; the one responsible for every wrong Rourke inflicted on this world. Diego had trusted her, and Taylor had chosen the path that tore him from Varyyn’s arms, and torn everything else from Varyyn in the process.

“TAYLOR!”

Then Zahra’s voice cut across him. “For fuck’s sake….” There was a creak as the door swung open, then approaching footsteps.

“Tay?” Diego called, right at her door this time.

Taylor’s groan of frustration turned into a roar, and she sat up in bed.

“You’re not great at taking hints are you?” She knew she was being unnecessarily mean, and she hated herself for it. But the fact was, she’d done enough to make him miserable without him being sucked into the black hole of despair she seemed to have become.

Diego pushed the door open. If he was hurt, it didn’t show on his face. His eyes were just sympathetic… kind. It was kindness she didn’t deserve.

“I think you know you can’t shake me that easily,” he said airily. “Have you eaten today? It’s after three.”

Avoiding eye contact, knowing how much of a mess she looked, Taylor sighed. “I haven’t been hungry,” she said, her tone flat. It was true. She’d barely touched a thing since everything with Estela had blown up spectacularly in her face. To get up and eat something, she’d have to find the energy to move, and for the most part, that had been eluding her.

Diego disappeared back out the door, and some rummaging-sounds later, returned with a plate of crackers and dip. He approached the bed and sat down on the edge… close enough to make it known he was there for Taylor, but not close enough to be pushy.

“Look, I know you don’t have any appetite right now,” he said, “but something small is better than nothing. Think you could do that… for me?”

Taylor huffed a little, and tidied up her hair as well as she could manage without going so far as rummaging for a brush. She looked her friend in the face, properly, for the first time since he showed up. He looked worried. Really worried.

It had been four days. Four days since Taylor had taken a great leap of faith, and fallen. For a little while there, it had actually been easy; having Estela near had felt natural, even if few words were ever exchanged. But Taylor had misjudged things, badly. There had been some… charged looks between the two of them…. moments where time slowed, and suddenly it was her old Estela seeing her, maybe even wanting her. It had been wonderful. If only it weren’t for that creeping knowledge that she was taking advantage; Taylor knew Estela, Estela didn’t know Taylor. The dishonesty of it all had troubled Taylor to the point of spurring her to action… and spilling all.

Obviously, Taylor had sounded deranged. She’d known that before she so much as opened her mouth to start, but her crazy story was the only truth she had to offer. Going on about Rourke changing history-- what the hell kind of reasonable person wouldn’t think Taylor had lost her mind? And Estela… well, Taylor already knew that Estela had no patience for anyone trying to screw with her. She hadn’t been ready, though, for the anger. She’d seen that anger in Estela’s eyes before, but never dreamed it could ever be directed her way. And, oh, it had hurt.

“You’re too good to me,” Taylor mumbled. Reluctantly, she reached out and took a cracker. For Diego.

“What best friends are for, right?”

Taylor put on a valiant, if ultimately sad, attempt at a smile. However much she might have felt it for the best, she simply didn’t have the heart-- nor the energy-- to push Diego away. “Well, what’s your plan?” she asked. “Sit me in front of Shrek until I believe in true love again?”

And so, they huddled under a duvet and watched Shrek. The dragon set Taylor off crying again, but it was generally a good distraction while they ate. Once the crackers were polished off, Diego nipped out to grab some ice cream-- the fancy kind usually reserved for Very Bad Days. It was a rare and potent breed of sadness that couldn’t at least be tempered by ice cream, but it seemed that Taylor was afflicted with just that. Even if the pain in her heart couldn’t be lessened, though, she was grateful for Diego… far more than she could say.

Her bowl empty and the movie done with, there was little for Taylor to do but to wallow in her own thoughts. The very same that had been so intent on dragging her under. At least now, though… at least she wasn’t alone with them.

“I’m… so lost,” she croaked after a long while, her voice hoarse with emotion.

“Yeah?” Diego rubbed her arm comfortingly. “I… I get that.”

Taylor looked down into her empty bowl, contemplating everything. No matter how many times she turned things over in her head, she always came out confused. The path forward-- if there even was one from this hell she’d unleashed-- was tangled with thorns and riddled with dead-ends and traps. She’d been stumbling through, fearful of causing even more damage while knowing that everything she cared for rested on her success.

“I feel like… maybe I was wrong? Maybe it wasn’t right to just blurt everything out? I mean, you remembered, didn’t you? Maybe if I’d just left it… she might have just… worked it out herself. It’s not like there’s a fucking hope of her remembering me if I’ve scared her off….”

“Hey. Our Estela doesn’t scare easily. And you know what? Maybe the fact that you sounded absolutely batshit crazy will help in the long run. You’ll stick in her mind.”

“And what if… what if what I’m trying to is actually… is actually just going to make me the person who hurts her most?”

Diego’s brow furrowed. “You’re losing me.”

“What if she’s better off? I know she felt so betrayed when I took this path but….” Taylor roughly ran her hands through her hair. This had been damn near driving her crazy. “She’s got her mom back, Diego…. It’s like her mom was never murdered. If I wasn’t so selfish, if I just let her be… she’d never have to feel that pain.”

For a few moments, Diego pondered; a couple of times he opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, as if not quite sure of what to say. At last, though, he just came out with it. “I think… I think you’re just grasping onto another excuse to beat up on yourself. I’m sorry, Taylor.”

“Wha--”

“You heard,” Diego said firmly, obviously finding his resolve to really help as he looked Taylor right in the face. Even if it was hard for her to hear. “And honestly? I think you’re forgetting who you’re talking about. When we were up on that rooftop, did Rourke even try and win Estela over using her mom as a bribe? No-- because he knew that would only make her fight him harder.”

Taylor exhaled through her hand, now pressed against her face as she wrestled with her thoughts. Diego… had a point. “She’d have broken his freaking nose, then and there.”

“Exactly!”

“So, what does that mean? That I’ve failed and there’s no consolation?”

“I think,” Diego said, calm and steady, “that we’re in for a long haul. But I also think that there’s a part of Estela that really, really misses you, even if she doesn’t know what it is. Like… even before I remembered, I could feel something was missing. And I was drawn to you. Even if Estela thinks you’re crazy, you’re still that person she fell in love with a couple-thousand times over.”

“You’re betting an awful lot on Estela falling for the person who, by all appearances, is nothing but a delusional stalker.”

Shadows of sorrow crossed Diego’s eyes. “Well, I’ve got to. There’s… not really much else.”

Taylor snuggled close, squeezing her friend… the only one she had left, and one she could not be convinced she deserved. But she was all he had, too.

“I know… I know this is all making you crazy. And I know a big part of you hates yourself for making the call you did. But hiding in here and beating yourself up isn’t gonna do anything but make you feel worse. However much you think you deserve to feel that bad, I can’t let you give up. I can’t.”

Her friend’s words made Taylor wince. There really was no option; she simply had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep putting on a smile to should-have-been friends while her heart was quietly breaking.

Diego took a long exhale. “So. You can have today, and you can have tomorrow. But then, you pull yourself together. There are too many people counting on you for you to go to pieces now.”

Taylor nodded, and tears dripped down onto her lap as Diego held her. Being there for him meant letting go of her own self-loathing, however hard it was. If he still believed she had it in her to fix this fucking mess, she’d fight to her dying breath. The floodgates had opened, and she cried and cried, feeling everything she knew would soon have to be quashed back down. His own eyes spilling, Diego kept on rubbing her arm, supporting her always.

Messily wiping her face on her sleeve-- it was already crusty with tears and snot anyway-- Taylor gathered herself. Deep breaths. In… and out.

“I really miss her,” she said after a long while, soft as a whisper. To say it loud just made it bigger, and it was already tearing her apart. But if she was moving forward, that pain had to be expelled… else it swallow her. “And it just… aches. When things got scary-- and to be honest, when were things not scary?-- she’d just… slip her hand into mine, and hold me. It’s been months-- I know it’s been months-- but I can’t keep myself from half-expecting her fingers to wrap around mine, and just like that… make everything better.”

Without a word, Diego took Taylor’s trembling hand in his own, his thumb stroking tenderly.

When he closed his eyes, Taylor knew he was imagining Varyyn holding his hand. And as she closed her own, Taylor let herself, for just a moment, be held by Estela.

On return to reality, Diego’s face was wet with tears. He offered Taylor a watery smile. They were in this together.

“Hey,” Taylor said shakily. “Will you… will you stay?”

“I’ll stay.”

________________________

True to her word, Taylor forced herself out of the apartment come the day after next. Hard as it was, if she didn’t keep up with her studies, she’d risk losing her place at Hartfeld, and any hope she might have of reconnecting with her loved ones. Winter had set in, and for most students, life consisted of hurrying between one heated lecture theatre and the next, or sheltering in the library, cafe, or student union building. It seemed every heater on campus was mobbed by a tight circle of students, and the queue at every coffee outlet busy. Taylor joined the masses, huddled up in the library with a long-awaited coffee and a heavy text book. It would be all too easy to let the gloomy weather negatively impact her already fragile emotional state, so the best thing she could think to do was surround herself with activity.

Her mind strayed to its usual fretting-- about Estela, about Diego and Varyyn, about--

Taylor yelped as hot coffee burned her mouth. She knew the library’s drinks always came out piping, and cursed herself for being so goddamn distracted. Cheeks flushing, she set down her cup.

“Are you okay?” asked a familiar, kind voice, hoarser than it should have been. Quinn had turned around from a bookshelf, concern upon her pale face. “They do go a bit over the top temperature-wise here. I’m guessing you’re used to the coffee shop?”

“You would think so, wouldn’t you?” Taylor replied ruefully. “But no, I should know to be careful by now. Sadly, I just felt something warm between my hands and all rational thought deserted me.”

Quinn laughed, which, to Taylor’s horror, brought on a fit of hacking coughs.

Oh, Quinn.

Around the campus, Quinn was easily the most elusive of the group; quite an achievement when Estela insisted on keeping herself as inconspicuous as possible. It was a constant worry for Taylor and Diego, knowing what they did about their friend’s illness. Logic told them that if circumstances around her had changed little with Rourke’s interference, Quinn might be expected to survive at least until the end of junior year, but all appearances made it clear she was in a very bad way. Weeks could go by without either of them catching a glimpse of Quinn around the place, and it was downright frightening.

“Hey-- sit down,” Taylor urged gently. “Don’t want us both to hurt ourselves over my lack of judgement.”

Quinn sank into the chair beside Taylor and struggled to catch her breath. A fearful Taylor hopped up and started rubbing her back.

“Do you want to grab you a glass of water?”

“I’m okay-- kff-- I just need a-- kff-- a moment….”

Frustration was clear upon Quinn’s face. Not wanting to be over-bearing, Taylor eased back… but those coughs sounded so painful….

Slowly, Quinn got control over her coughing. “Better…,” she said, eyes closed. She opened them slowly, and offered her companion a shaky smile. “It’s Taylor, isn’t?”

“Yup, that’s me. Quinn, yeah? I haven’t seen you around in a while?”

Quinn’s smile became stronger, as though she was genuinely delighted to be remembered by what was a passing friendly face. “The colder weather hasn’t been doing my health much good. The school’s understanding; what can be done from home I don’t have to come in for. But sometimes I just want to brave it and actually be a part of everything.”

“Yeah?” Taylor said, “that’s understandable. All this dreary weather… it has its way of making loneliness hit even harder.” She pursed her lips a moment. “Look, if you ever want a study buddy…? You could even stop by my place-- not to be presumptuous or anything, but it might be more comfortable than having to fight for a spot by the heater here.”

A shadow passed over Quinn’s face, her smile growing sad. “That’s really kind of you to offer, and-- honestly?-- I’d love to take you up on it. I just… well, things are quite difficult for me right now.”

“It’s okay-- no pressure. I just want you to know that you’ve got a friend on campus if you need one.” Sitting back down beside Quinn, Taylor picked up her mug and gingerly took a sip. Much better. “Do you have any more classes today?”

“Oh, just the one,” Quinn said more brightly, clearly relieved at the change of subject. “I’m taking Visual Arts. I do a bit of painting-- not really seriously, more just for me. I was a little worried that study would take some of the fun out of it, but it’s turned out to be the bright spot in my schedule. If I can make it in person for anything, I always aim for Visual Arts.”

“Well, I hope you enjoy it,” said Taylor, and she took another, braver, sip of coffee. It was all useful information-- apparently this would be the most likely time of week to have a surprise Quinn encounter. More importantly, it was reassuring to know that it was not, in fact, all doom and gloom. “I’ve got to head off for my Introductory Chemistry practical in about ten minutes. Painting sounds a lot more fun-- wanna trade?”

Quinn just laughed.

Yeah…. Thought not.

_____________________________

As a general rule, Taylor didn’t actually mind Chemistry that much. It wasn’t exactly her bag; the equations had a habit of drifting in one ear and out the other, but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. What made it painful now, was Estela.

A few weeks ago, Taylor had been overjoyed to have been placed in a group with the woman who had once been her wife, but a lot had changed since then. Estela had furiously warned Taylor to stay away, and Taylor had done just that, both out of respect for the wishes of someone she loved, and out of plain fear that she might fuck it all up further. There was no crossing the quad to avoid this one, though.

It was as uncomfortable as Taylor had anticipated. Estela looked right past Taylor, directing all communication to their third group member, who seemed oblivious to the tension. Taylor wasn’t sure how-- the air was so fucking thick with it she could barely breathe. Her hands shook as she measured out materials, and it was by virtue of a lucky save that she didn’t drop a test tube of chemicals onto the floor.

Everything in Estela’s body language, in her expression, screamed that she’d rather be anywhere else-- anywhere at all-- than there working alongside Taylor. The feeling was mutual. Taylor watched the minutes pass by agonisingly slowly as they slogged through the experiment. If she had to speak, it was only the bare minimum to get the work done. Never, never had she felt more alone in Estela’s company. She’d experienced indifference before, indifference that had fueled her longing until it hurt like a physical wound. But now Estela regarded Taylor not as a person of little consequence, but as a threat, and that was far, far worse. Trying not to wither under that fierce gaze, Taylor soldiered on, until finally, the experiment was concluded, and she was free to pack up… and head home for a stiff drink.

As she turned the tap to rinse the last of her test tubes and beakers, the water gushed with a sudden force, spraying Taylor down her front.

“Crap!” she cried. It was near freezing outside, and to have a clothes sopping wet would make for a very uncomfortable walk back to the apartment. Well… it was just her luck.

Taylor pulled off her jacket, and bit back a sigh. As her problems went, a bit of cold and wet was pretty much nothing. Hell, if home, and Diego, and a pile of blankets was at the other end, she’d put up with far worse. Grumbling a little as she packed up her things, Taylor braced herself for a great rush to get between this warm shelter and the next. But as she stepped through the doorway--

“Wait!”

That voice made her turn. It always would.

“You’re going to catch your death. Tonta.” Estela rolled her eyes and shrugged off her hoodie. “Your shirt’s still wet. Here.” She thrust the hoodie into Taylor’s hands.

“You don’t have to--” Taylor stammered, utterly taken aback. Remember to breathe, you idiot!

“Taylor. Just put it on, will you? Unless you want to freeze.”

Getting over her surprise, Taylor took the hoodie. Discomfort was plain on Estela’s face, so she didn’t linger to make the exchange any more awkward. Just a smile of thanks… and they parted.

Taylor looked on, stunned and watched as Estela slung her bag over her shoulder and jogged into the shadows. A chill wind hit her, and she hastily pulled the hoodie over her head. It was warm, and the scent of Estela, heart-achingly familiar, lingered. A tear, just another in a long, long line, prickled Taylor’s eye as she breathed it in.

She brought the front of the hoodie to her face and closed her eyes against the scent and feel of home.

It wasn’t over yet.