#and honestly as much as id like to keep posting online and let myself just feel like a normal person

[beatbawksradio]

hm

[starry-bi-sky]

honestly your dpxdc clone au gives me life, its adorable as all hell and im a sucker for found family but with that being said, its so freaking hysterical to me that Danny is going full feral liminal menace at Wes any time hes near and Wes himself is still 100% into it the freak (affectionate) and thats not even pointing out the paralles it could possible create since danny and dames gives massive parallels to dick and damian and dick does have a thing for redheads.

yeesSSSSS! I was planning on hoarding this to myself but i can't not reply. and i'll be able to find this again with the clone^2 tag so win WIN. i'm so glad you are as delighted by this as me. It's so hilarious to me that Danny just becomes a complete freak whenever he spots Wes, and I'm the one who wrote it into existence. Like- like i don't know how to explain my vision in words but like, its like Danny sees Wes and immediately goes 'what can I do to make his day worse'. And then he goes and does it.

(honorary read more because i talk a lot)

He's relatively normal around his friends too, which makes him going full-fledged unhinged around Wes even funnier to me. Like, Danny will spout weird shit sometimes to Sam and Tucker, but usually its prefaced with him talking about patrol or there would be context before he said anything. With Wes? Though?? he will just. say anything, completely unprompted. Slings an arm around his shoulder like they've been buddies since primary school and then spits out a weird new fun fact he learned about the bodily anatomy while researching his latest cold case. All vaguely-threatening but utterly insane things to say as way to start a conversation.

And sometimes its not even that, he'll walk up to Wes and ask him if he saw the latest daytime fight between Phantom and Skulker. And then he'll say "yeah i missed it myself but I saw clips of it being posted online" and then watch Wes mentally explode him with his mind. or he'll disparage Phantom for having such a young partner with him, "Can you believe he'd let a kid fight ghosts with him? I'd never let my brother ghosthunt with me if I was Phantom."

All of this with such a deceptive look on his face but the most delighted, shit-eating gleam in his eyes. Wes is chewing glass and he wants to yell that he does let his brother fight ghosts with him. Also you told him yourself that nothing would've stopped your demonic (Wes' words) little brother from joining you.

Damian gets in on the fuckery occasionally, but since he's not around often with Wes about, it doesn't happen nearly as often as it does between Wes and Danny. Sam and Tucker know he's screwing with him too, and both of them are a little wary about him being careless with his secret id. But he's been doing this since he was 14-ish and it hasn't backfired yet. So. They're not actively stopping him.

Danny walks back to his lunch table after terrorizing Wes and Tucker just asks him what he said, because Wes was about as red as a tomato when he walked away. Danny offhandedly sighs and innocently says he tried to have a conversation about Phantom with him. Wes didn't seem to like it all that much. Weird.

And yes, yes. Wes is totally into it and is slightly enraged about this fact, because not even he knows why he's into it. The freak (affectionate). Danny gives him this troublemaker smirk, and i did say smirk, and Wes doesn't know whether or not if he wants to smack him or kiss him. Or both. Like, yeah, pine, white boy, pine.

(And this is a dramatized image but I'm also highly entertained by the idea that Wes keeps getting routine dirty looks from various peers because they, too, have a crush on Fenton. Except Fenton doesn't talk to anyone else unless its his friends and sometimes Valerie, and Weston, the guy who keeps accusing him of being the local vigilante, is somehow routinely having conversations with him?? And BLOWING IT?? Like everyone else thinks he's fumbling so bad, and yet fenton keeps tALKING to him.)

And yes!! i'm always so pleased whenever someone brings up the parallels D+D have to Dick and Damian, because that was lowkey my intention when I was making the solo clone damian au. Although it was supposed to be more implied since I don't really know much about Damian and Dick other than they're very close and Dick was Damian's Batman for a year. And then of course the very smaller parallel (??) 'what if' between Bruce and Damian and D+D in clone^2 considering who they are both clones of.

And man this just makes me want to talk about when batfam meet D+D because I just want them to see D+D be so brotherly towards each other. Like I want them to see Bby Dames wearing his goofy fun fact shirts and stealing Danny's hoodies/flannels/etc and blatantly lying about it when Danny asks. Only for Danny to then throw him over his shoulder like Tadashi from BH3 and jump around.

And also. I do not know what Damian Wayne's (DW as I'll call him) stance on being called "Dami" is - the general consensus I've seen is that its usually used as a playful nickname in order to get a rise out of him, and he doesn't really like it.

But baby Dames being called that freely, and often, and its sometimes used to get a rise out of him but thats typically what nicknames do. Its used as easily as his full name is with the same amount of affection. And its like his main go-to nickname. "Dami" and "Dames" with the occasional "Bud/Buddy", "Squirt", "Little man", etc. Not once is he ever called 'demon-spawn'

(which i know is a fanon nickname but its a relatively popular nickname)

but yeah, uhhh. i think thats all of my thoughts on the matter. for now lmAO

[vallikesgivinghugs]

Ooh sounds fun let's do it!

Under read more because y'know don't want people to have to scroll through all of that if they don't care.

1. IbisPaintX, honestly it was my first art program I ever actually used but now I'm FireAlpaca's bitch.

2.Oooh I personally really enjoy/have an easier time drawing front facing characters, profiles are so darn difficult.

3. Big bright and noticeable eyeshines i guess! Always been a thing for me, so my characters always have extra bright eyes. Or i guess eyes in general are a thing I kept from my kiddie days.

4. Crystaline stuff and MAGIC. I love them both so much but god can I not draw them for the life of me. And hair! But hair i'm starting to figure out!

5. Now that I think about it's pretty darn close id I do say so myself! Like 40 to 45% i post online (mostly on discord) and then 55 to 60% i keep to myself!

6. When I draw cats it's a lot of inspo from different warrior cats fandom big names but in general anime is my big inspo!

7.Traditional painting! I tried painting and it's just not for me but I love the way it looks and how many thing people can do with it!

8. God the amount of stories and characters that I've just left as wips in immense. I have adhd, can't finish stuff for shit.

9. Usually if it's one character it's 'character name' and then you add a number or a descriptor (aka smile or smth). Otherwise it's just like 2 or 3 words of what the drawing is. And then I group those in like 'finished art' 'wips' etc!

10.Ooh tough one. I do enjoy drawing poofy sleeved shirts or like long flowy dresses/skirts.

11.Ranges from romance music playlists to true crime and everything in between! I just need a background noise honestly. Doesn't really matter what the noise is.

12. Face. I draw floating heads on the regular.

13. Junji Ito. His style is just so freakin' interesting and his grasp on anatomy is just amazing! But, personally I'm not the biggest horror/gore fan so I don't actually read his stuff. I just find his art nifty when I see it.

14.Polkadots or stripes. Love that stuff.

15.In my room personally but I used to go out to parks and draw there when I was younger.

16.Lineart. everyone is always sayin' stuff like 'Wow your lines are so nice and clean' and while I do agree that it's one of my strengths personally my lineart always looks rigid and wrong to me. I tend to prefer my sketches and nowadays I usally clean those up and use 'em as the lineart.

17.Nope. i completely forget that my body has bodily functions when i draw. I get invested X3

18.Not many! Honestly it's less that I break them on purpose and more that I'm clumsy and drop stuff all the time but on the regular I try my best not to break stuff.

19.Flowers and bushes!

20. Armor of any kind, love me some shiny metals and belts and buckles.

21. I really like the disney style (both 2d and 3d) and I'm really a big fan of 3d animation in anime (studio orange with Trigun Stampede and Land of the Lustrous have my heart)

22.none I live on the edge. (Don't do this, please stretch your hands I'm just a dumbass)

23.I use so many layers and so many of them are multiply and add it's not even funny.

24.Yes. stock images are really good for poses and stuff. I often makes collages of multiple of them to get what I want exactly.

25. Hmmm, i dunno if that's happened to me actually.

26.Nothing comes to mind but i'm sure it's happened!

27.I draw a bunch of circles. And sometimes doodle like different body parts or sonas of mine loosely.

28.I participated in the artfight of 2023! It was a good time.

29.live action tv shows and just non-animated movies/stuff in general! I can write fanfic wips for days but drawing them? Nah.

30.hmmm can't think of any? I probably have one or two that I wish got more attention but usually the attention my art gets is pretty on par with what I' expecting!

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game

Didn't see a lot of artist ask games, wanted to make a silly one.

(I wrote this while sick out of my mind last year and it's been collecting dust in my drafts, I might as well let it run free) 1. Art programs you have but don't use

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

3. What ideas come from when you were little

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

9. What are your file name conventions

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

12. Easiest part of body to draw

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

14. Any favorite motifs

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

23. Do you use different layer modes

24. Do your references include stock images

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

[pixel-bloom]

SIMS TAG

Ahhhh thanks for the tag @natolesims​ ^_^ I’ll tag @ashubii​ @mosneakers​ @payte​ and @ashubii​

What’s your favourite sims death?

Hmmm, drowning is classic but I was so shocked when the meteorite killed my sims in ts2, so let’s go with that one.

Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

Gotta go with MM; I tried Alpha back in the day but it just looks off in my game.

Do you cheat when your sims gain weight?

Not usually. I did have a pear shaped sim back in gen 3 of the insectas I fixed, but most of my sims keep their weight.

Do you use move objects?

Always.

Favorite mod?

I like SoL, but I’m looking into the other game enhancing mods...

First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?

Sims 1: Vacation, Sims 2: University, Sims 4: Seasons

Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?

ALIVEEEE, like, “LETS DO IT LIVE”.

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

I don’t MAKE too many sims (I steal them all from the neighborhoods) but Ant was my favorite for a loooong time. Theo is my favorite currently :) They’re both entertaining to “play” the game with lmao

Have you made a simself?

Yeah but she’s been sitting for years in her sad house in Windenberg. I don’t play simself stuff, but sometimes I’ll dress her up for a simblr challenge.

What sim traits do you give yourself?

Cheerful, Geek, Goofball. I’m very basic.

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

I don’t really have one...uhhhh, black!

Favorite EA hair?

I always use the city living hairs. Love the one ponytail with the braid on the side. I also love the Island Living hairs.

Favorite life stage?

I like my moody teenagers the best. The phases can be irritating but entertaining if I integrate it into the story.

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

Gameplay but I actually really like customizing lots. I’ll download a lot or redo an existing one.

Are you a CC creator?

Nah, I honestly don’t have time :(

Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad?

I have some pretty awesome mutuals. I’m too MIA to be a part of a squad. Work, relationships, and life get in the way of playing sims lol. I’ve tried to join a general discord but I’m awful at using it.

What’s your favorite game?

Currently, Disco Elysium. Usually, Stardew Valley/Harvest Moon or whatever the current Zelda game is. (Actually I’m playing Minish Cap rn!)

Do you have any sims merch?

No T_T I might have in the past. I REMEMBER DISTINCTLY that I had the Sims 1 ONLINE but my mom and I didn’t understand how to set it up so she gave it away.

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

No, that sounds terrifying. I barely post on tumblr LOL

How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?

Hmmm good question. I think it’s less “basic NPC” (base game??) and a little leaning towards my own lil funky style. When I first replayed sims 4 again in 2020, I downloaded all the basic CC that was trendy (and kinda outdated). In 2022, I moved my save to a new PC and started over, so that helped.

What’s your Origin ID?

I do not know. I do not use Origin or any EA app for socializing/sharing

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

Looking at my CC folder: simandy, clumsyalien, sentate, nolansims, and deetron.

How long have you had a simblr?

2020 I believe. Maybe a bit earlier but I didn’t post anything

How do you edit your pictures?

I used to have photoshop T_T (RIP) and used PSD and actions and EVERYTHING LOOKED SO GOOD. I lost access and I can’t bring myself to pay monthly rn. I miss it though, I hate the way my screenshots look now.

What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next?

I’d honestly like packs to be refreshed. I’m not one to ask for new stuff...I think there’s enough stuff. We need things to work properly LOL

What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far?

City Living has gotten the most focus from me. It’s SO much fun to go thrifting, go to festivals, and I love apartments. I’m sure I’ll love Island Living but I haven’t gottten to explore it yet.

[you-have-made-a-fatal-error]

How on earth do you identify all the art? What’s your process lol

hA. erm. slowly and also painfully, basically. I don't have an art history background but I loved when artofnancydrew and littlenancydrewthings used to put their art id posts together and wanted to see if I could figure it out myself, so it's just a lot of trial-and-error and a decent amount of patience.

unfortunately most of the in-game images are too small for google’s reverse/search-by-image thing to pick up, boo. so for paintings I generally end up at wikiart because their advanced search tool lets you filter by genre/style/date of creation. they also have a ‘tags’ feature but it isn’t all that robust - most of the artworks are not comprehensively tagged, so i mostly avoid that. honestly, I usually end up searching by by genre (ie ‘landscape’ or ‘portrait’), use the timeline thing to limit the number of results, and then just. scroll through all of what comes back.

I dearly love the RKDimages database (their TAGGING SYSTEM holy mother of dog it’s FUCKING MIRACULOUS). it’s main focus is Netherlandish art, but seriously, give this thing every gold star on the planet, it’s so damned beautiful. all other databases, get on the RKD’s level. holy frick.

other than that? we know HeR used to use the Corel image library but of course i haven’t had any luck actually finding/accessing said image library. that said, I’ve had some luck plugging the term into wikimedia commons, and then there’s this old site which seems to have significant overlap - I’ve found a few difficult-to-place pictures there. once I know the artist who created a painting I’ll look through the rest of their catalogue, see if any of their other pieces were used as well. I keep a spreadsheet of the paintings/artists I’ve found and which game their art was in. like I said at the beginning, it’s just a lot of trial-and-error.

paintings are really the most straightforward things to identify. photographs and tapestries (fucking treasure in the royal tower making me try and id tapestries) are, in my experience, way harder, and basically ruin my life if I spend too much time thinking about them lmao. the photos in last train to blue moon canyon - I’ve used the US Library of Congress’ digital collections, the Getty institute, the Met, a couple other US museum catalogues/databases.. browsing their collections basically. the LOC has a substantive civil war image collection available online, which is cool. but all that said I still came across the Buck Taylor cabinet card via a random link on a site dedicated to old bicycle photography. because fuck me I guess :P and tapestries are hell on earth. because as it turns out, there’s no handy database for tapestry art. at all. RKD has some, Getty has some, but basically I’ve been browsing through museum collections and trying to find decent images that might lead me in the right direction? until i get fed up and lose my cool and need to go do something else for a bit.

[itonje]

How did you get into Arthurian legend? I don't know where to start!

hi omg sorry for getting to this late but uh i alwaysss recommend my mutual @/gringolet's post on an intro to arthuriana which covers most of it but hmmm if you're asking me how i went about it i started semi chronologically with uh some early arthurian adjacent docs irt to subroman britain (i dont recommend this. dont do this have fun) and made my way up to historia regum britanniae (i do recommend this one but you can just read the arthurian parts if you dont want to read anything else lol..) also i recommend reading other pseudohistories! layamon's brut and historia gentis scotorum are my favs but wace's roman de brut is good as well..then when you get to romances most famously there are the romances of chretien de troyes. my favorite is lancelot, knight of the cart but it is...a lot. yvain, knight of the lion is also very good i recommend that as well. perceval, or the story of the grail is unfinished so fair warning but there are lots of other grail narratives if thats your thing (my personal favorites are parzival, peredur fab effrawg, and the didot perceval. i really like perceval stories lol) also theres the epigonal romances and like thats an entire thing in itself but my favorite of all of them has to be meraugis de portlesguez it is so entertaining it is more entertaining than a lot of modern stuff ive read honestly.

if you're looking for prose romances, there is...the lancelot grail cycle, or the vulgate, which is really long and has a lot of content it is where most of the most popular arthurian traditions originate. then there's the post vulgate which is a sort of a condensed version of it? ive not read either i dont know how much they differ lol. i know that it features more tristan and iseult stuff which is like, if you like or want to read tristan and iseult stuff this post is really good also by my mutual @/tillman i personally am not really invested in the tristan and iseult stuff but like. that is a personal thing lol. also irt to prose stuff the three romances of the mabinogi + culhwch ac olwen + breuddwyd rhonabwy are the arthurian stories in the book but i just recommend it in general it is so good. it is so good please god read the mabinogion im a big fan of welsh arthuriana in general so if you want to have more recs for that specifically lol...

also yes i will talk about the english stuff now cause thats what people like well layamons brut is in like..extremely archaic english but there's also the prose merlin (highly recommend but it is hard to find a translation online that's in like. contemporary english), there's also lancelot of the laik which is great, the alliterative morte arthure which is probably one of my favs it is excellent but then again i like the iliad so maybe i'm a biased slut for war epics (also yeah its a war epic lol). um also theres sir gawain and the green knight which i know is like the most famous of all of them and theres a movie coming out and whatnot and like its fine. its a good starter because it tells a very contained story on its own it doesnt expect you to understand everything ab arthurs court its very entertaining but imo i would read other romances featuring gawaine before this one (which is basically like. all the verse romances lol hes a popular character. my little meow meow). speaking of gawaine the dutch romances (which feature him. heavily) are good. theyre very good and i recommend them highly they also tell contained, highly entertaining stories um id start with moriaen (which is what i started with) and then skip around from there they're all great tho.

um now everyone's wanting me to say it which is uh. lets talk about le morte darthur! i dont recommend it as a starter text even tho i read it like really early on myself so do what you want however id say get one of those like, condensed versions like howard pyles king arthur, andrew langs book of romance, beatrice clay rodger lancelyn green and henry firth bc they all tell condensions of it and id keep it on you while youre reading the original thing just in case like things dont make sense or whatever lol plotwise. le morte is a very late text, and it is very strange for an arthurian text so like idk why people say to read it first because. if i had to say read any arthurian medieval text last. it would honestly be this one because there is such a beautiful finality to it.

i do recommend it though but fair warning that things presented in le morte are like. not the same across all texts? thats something you should keep in mind in general like a lot of these texts are from diff cultures diff languages with their own shifted traditions of arthurian stuff so just in case theres contradictions or whatever between them even in the texts itself (i am looking at you geoffrey of monmouth and anna's family tree) like, dont sweat it or whatever theyre just weird like that. its like comics or whatnot.

anyways this is all to say you have a lot of places to start and pick around from id recommend shorter stuff first and stuff whose translations are usually pretty accessible and contemporary (this is why i highly recommend de troyes' romances in the beginning) just to get used to it cause the 'plot' structure of these things esp in the verse romances is like a bit different than modern lit so i know that can be offputting for some people. like i said like modern condensions of arthurian stuff are invaluable, so are um indexes? there's a couple i don't know if there are any pdfs floating online but i know they usually carry them at libraries and whatnot...

there's a lot of modern modern stuff i dont know about any of it. i couldnt even tell you about bbc merlin i am quite stupid in regard to it. i do know a fair bit about victorian stuff which is modern tho! i should make a post on that but like tldr victorian arthurian poetry good. most of it. victorian arthurian content tho is really in a whole different world as compared to medieval lit so like. well leave all the generally post medieval stuff off for a min asjkldfskld

so like. yeah have fun i know i didnt leave any links on this post (mostly) but if you want any text i mention here please please ask me i WILL send you a pdf guaranteed except for the vulgate and the post vulgate i have not read those and afaik they are hard to come by. i dont know of any pdfs of arthurian indexes if you want one but i could try to find one..?

anyways yeah if this is confusing im sorry 😭😭😭ive answered a question like this a couple times as well jic ehehe https://itonje.tumblr.com/post/641224624484581376/could-i-ask-how-you-got-started-in-arthurian

https://itonje.tumblr.com/post/651581606366265344/hey-finny-im-so-sorry-to-bother-you-but-a-week

[flowersofjannah]

idk sis but it's crushing me. i've literally been on the bathroom floor crying wondering why i let my heart do this to me. then i wonder that why did Allah even put him there more and more each day as my feelings grew? Only Allah knows but given that he was unavailable anyway it doesnt make sense to me. like today i saw him many times and the thing happened and i. sis i just feel so helpless and hopeless. like i said ive always been so shy and keep feelings to myself. i feel pathetic for letting myself hope after the uni guy. i shouldve shut the possibility of even meeting somoeone just a few months later. i feel so stupid and embarrassed. the 2 sisters from work that helped me find this out - i dont know them well and mashAllah theyre such lovely sisters - without them i woulve embarrassed myself asking him so alhamdullilah that that didnt end up happening but they probably feel pity for me too. idk again i hope (and know) that these intense feelings of sadness and confusion will pass but i honestly just feel like closing my heart up. i do understand that Allah can make anything possible and knows what's best for us but. idk i just feel so overwhelmed and upset for hoping. like he genuinely seemed like a private guy, focused etc mA. similar to uni guy. it seems that most of the good guys get married rlly quickly and idk. and like i said in my first post to u when mentioning the uni guy - families dont even consider me because my younger sisters (mainly my 16 yr old sis) seems prettier and older etc (im shorter than them etc). i honeslty never expected any of this to happen. i remember being younger and having hope that id one day find someone who i could trust and have a family with and a private life with centred around Allah. as i get older, i feel so helpless. all i have left now are online means and arranged marriage - but half og my family isnt even practicing and theyre not looking and the people they find are so liberal but not in their eyes. i feel like taking my heart out idk sis my heart just aches so much that this is happening again. it took me so much courage to get past the uni guy. it's worse in some ways with the work guy i guess. idk sis, i really dont know anymore... i cant even tell my family, only my younger sis knows and i have to act fine and all but ... sighh

You will look back someday and you will know exactly why this happened to you and how it made you grow. Trust me when I say this, you will definitely come across the realization later in life. Allah does things we don't understand at the moment but we understand later on.

There is absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed or stupid for. It is not embarrassing or stupid, you are a human being with a heart and feelings. We are all this way sis.

Protect your heart sis but don't let it go hopeless. It's hard to do but this is the best way.

"all i have left now are online means and arranged marriage" Allah works in mysterious ways sis, He provides for us from places we don't expect. Make dua for what you want, do what you can, and leave it to Allah. I know many masajid also have services to help you find a partner, maybe look into that? If you don't mind out of state, there is a local masjid near me where they have an excel sheet of potentials you can sign up for. I can link it to you if you would like.

"it took me so much courage to get past the uni guy." And you have the courage to get past this guy too alhumdulilah, Allah does not burden us beyond what we can bear. He knows you can get past this, thus He allowed it. I know at times you may feel "but I can't deal with this burden, it's too much for me." Allah knows what you are capable of, we underestimate ourselves.

Don't beat yourself up sis, you are only human. Every human being is like this, we develop feelings for people and things we get hurt by. And then do it again, and again, and again. All of us are stupid and embarrassing then if you feel what you did was stupid and embarrassing.

Don't be so consumed with the marriage aspect, live your life and when the time comes, your spouse will come. I'm 27 and unmarried sis, I mean I should be crying my eyeballs out every day then. We have similar struggles sis, don't be so hard on yourself and don't lose hope.

[dazed--xx]

Alone

REQUEST: *Hi see you mentioned about story requests. I'm having a hard time since I'm currently pregnant and my partner walked out on me, so could you do one when Jungkook where I meet Jungkook and he helps me raise the baby please*

Summary:  “I'm pregnant Jungkook.” the line goes dead silent “look before you say anything, no I wasn’t hiding this from you and I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me shit I wouldn’t want to talk to me and move on to someone who is not pregnant and going to be having this type of responsibilities-” “Y/N-”

GENRE: Mild-Angst, Fluff

Member: Jungkook x Pregnant!reader

Word count: 2,132 

A/N: so this is literally my first fanfic ever and i hope you guys like it. and to the person that requested this I wanted to tag you because i did post it but i didnt want to kind of call you out online especially since this was based on something you have personally happening to you, trust me pregnancy is scary let alone having to go it alone so if you need someone to talk to im here btw.. but hopefully you guys like this it was pretty good i wanna post a couple of requests a day since i banged this out as quickly as i did im taking more requests just inbox me or go to my ask let me know if you want your name attached to the request and i will send everyone that i know requested a specific story i will tag and send it to you so you know it is done but without further ado ALONE

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“Where are you going? Do you really expect me to do this alone?” I shouted to the already abandoned house. A swell in my throat rises and I can't breathe. My body shakes as the tears take over. I fall to my knees running my hand over my stomach. “Don’t you worry baby; Daddy will be back he loves you I promise” I say to the life growing within my womb. 

The warmth from the comforter consumes me as I awaken with dried tears in my eyes. My heart aches as I remember the events from the past 12 hours. The thick silence takes hold of my heart and it begins racing. My heart beat sounding as if it is being played on a speaker the size of a skyscraper. Feeling the bile rise in my throat, rushing to the bathroom, I empty out the contents of my stomach. Tears escape my eyes as I reach out to the void. I'm alone truly.  

My first OBGYN appointment rolls around and my heart is in my stomach. The nurse escorts me in, slowly my feet turn into lead as I drag myself onto the cot in the room and lay back facing the monitor. Once I feel that cool gel upon my stomach, my heart settles and the most beautiful BUMP BUMP BUMP is heard throughout the room. My eyes focus on the image in front of me. “well congrats sweetie you're about 10 weeks, Due September 27. Remember no stress and make sure to take your prenatal. We’ll see you next week” My ultrasound technician announces excitedly. I smile anxious as to what I should do next.  

I make my way to a small café after my appointment wanting a small tea to calm my nerves. Looking around the coffee shop I notice quite the crowd and my panic begins to set in. It feels like I can't breathe while the crowds begin to grow as the café reaches the brink of rush. More and More people pour through the door as my anxiety takes over and I feel the bile rising again, I abandon my spot in line trying to make it to the restroom before I release the contents of my stomach all over the café floor. The restroom door becomes the only thing in sight to me as I dash for it. I reach for the handle and the door opens and I slam into a hard chest and soon I am on the floor.

“HOLY CRAP!!! IM SO SORRY I WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION” A angelic voice apologized above me. My eyes drift from the floor up to see the most amazing man I've ever seen in my life with his hand out and my voice gets caught in my throat. I stare at him for a while capturing every detail of his face and take his hand. I nod quickly and mutter a fast “Sorry” and dash around the beautiful man and lose myself behind the safety of the door. I was dreading walking back out into the craziness of the café, but excited to see if I could once again get a glimpse of the gorgeous man from before.  

Soon I am back in line and order my tea, when a familiar voice sounds from next to me “You know.... you should let me pay you back for your drink you know...since I hurt you” Shocked I turn my head to see the same beautiful man from before. “Oh, please don’t worry about it I really wasn’t paying attention either it's not a big deal” I smile shyly. “Besides I'm sure you have better things to do with your time than to buy a stranger a drink” He laughs “Honestly, Beautiful, I don’t really have anything to do with my time that doesn’t involve getting to know you” Heat creeps up to my face and I lower my gaze and smile. “I don’t need you to pay me back for my tea for you to be able to get to know me, but unfortunately I gotta go” I say slowly moving past him. “At least let me get your number...please” He asked “You don’t even know my name and you want my number?” “Hey I know what I want and I feel like me knowing your name won't matter much cause I probably won't be calling you anything other than mine” I let out a small giggle “ that was super corny but since you're trying so hard give me your phone” I put my number in his phone and hand it back to him and walk toward the door “By the way my name is Y/N” as I make my exit I hear him shout back “Jungkook!”  

As the weeks pass, I find myself talking more and more to Jungkook. He still hasn’t stopped flirted with me as much as he did that day in the café but we talk everyday about almost everything and I can't help but feel scared to tell him I am having a baby. What would he say? Will he not want to talk to me anymore? Would he not like me as much? A loud RING pulls me out of my thoughts as my phone lights up with Jungkook's name and photo comes up on my screen.  

“Hey, what's up cutie?” He says excitedly  

“Not much, just lying in bed not feeling too good today” I respond pouty  

“Aw, do you need anything? Medicine? I can bring you soup it'll make you feel better I know you said you went out with your friend last night are you hungover?” The worry evident in his voice.

“Um honestly no um I can't drink so I'm definitely not hungover just different I know what it is though I'll be fine” the nervousness in my voice is evident

“what's wrong then beautiful? Is everything okay?” Oh no... not that question. He’s worried and I know he is but I don’t know what to say. I can't stop it the words just rush out of my mouth like the bile I throw up every morning  

“I'm pregnant Jungkook....I'm 14 weeks pregnant” the line goes dead silent “look before you say anything, no I wasn’t hiding this from you and I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me shit I wouldn’t want to talk to me and move on to someone who is not pregnant and going to be having this type of responsibilities-” “Y/N-” No listen Kookie cause I really like you and I didn’t mean to keep this from you I was just scared that you would hate me” “Y/N-” “I mean I know you just met me a couple weeks ago and it wouldn’t mean much for you to just walk away from this because let's be honest who wants to deal with that-” “Y/N! JUST STOP AND LISTEN PLEASE!” The words stop flowing as quickly as they began.

“Do you think id stop liking you because of the simple fact that you're pregnant, I mean yeah it does suck that you're going to have someone else's baby but I don’t care about that... WAIT! Is that why your ex left?” I stay silent

“Baby....are you there?” He asks worried.

“Baby girl???”  

“Beautiful are you okay? Hello?”

I sniffle “Yeah I’m here sorry” my voice cracks at every word.

“Baby are you crying? Do you need me to get you anything?”  

“No, I'm fine I promise I'm going to go to bed okay? Goodnight handsome I'll talk to you in the morning” “wait what no I'm com-” I cut him off to end the already overwhelming call. My vision blurs as the tears cascade down my face and I let out a harsh sob. I was scared for nothing or he's just too optimistic. A loud knock on the door grabs my attention.  

“who is it?” fear leaking out in my tone. “Baby it's me open up” I hear Jungkook's melodic voice through the door. Quickly I swing the door open to be greeted with the man I've grown so accustomed to in the past few weeks. Taking in the sight of him my heart begins to race as the tears began to no longer form. He reaches his arms around me and pulls me against him. “Baby girl, why didn’t you tell me sooner? You really thought that would make me just leave. How could I do that when in the past few weeks, you’ve stolen my heart” He looks at me and there's a hunger in his eyes as they shift down to my lips. “aww fuck it” he exclaims as his lips capture mine. His arms wrap around my waits as my hands get lost in his soft midnight hair. After a while he pulls away and a small whimper is released from my mouth. “Do you know HOW long I've wanted to do that” he exclaims excitedly with a smile plastered across his face.

After that night Jungkook never left my side, everything I craved he got, Anytime I felt nauseous Jungkook was there.  It became routine with him his calls became more frequent on days he knew I had appointments and he went to every ultrasound. His excitement for my baby was shown one day when I came home from work and my whole apartment was filled top to bottom with diapers bottles and wipes. Jungkook was still too nervous to buy much because he felt he was taking part of the experience from me and the fact that we still don’t know what the baby is yet. As the date rolls around to the appointment it's all Jungkook can talk about. He wants a girl every five seconds he reminds me it's always “Baby do you think the princess will like me? I mean I want her to know I care and that I love you” which is why he was so heartbroken when he could not make it to the gender reveal appointment because of a last-minute practice session. “Please promise to call me right after you find out okay baby?” He begs sadly before he left for the morning.  

After the appointment my heart swelled with joy as I turned into my driveway to see Jungkook's car sitting there. As soon as I unlocked the door, I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist and feel kisses peppered up my neck “Hey, Baby how did your appointment go? How are you feeling?” he says in-between kisses. A blush creeps up onto my face “Yeah, it went great baby is a growing good and healthy, so I have to tell you something” I state biting my bottom lip and looking toward the ground.

“Oh god what's wrong? Is our princess okay?” his use of the word our makes my heart skip a beat “OUR? And the baby is fine....” I look at him pointedly and his hand runs through his hair as his face turns beet red as he slowly stutters out “I mean....um... I'm sorry I didn’t mean to just assume that you wanted me involved but it's so hard not to be when I'm so in love with you that I don’t care if I wasn’t the one that got you pregnant that’s my baby and you’re my girl so yeah our.... so, what is you have to tell me?” I kiss him softly at his words. I beam at him “You're literally so amazing I can't believe you would even consider any of this I know it's a lot to ask for someone to be involved with someone who is pregnant and all I appreciate it baby BUT unfortunately it's not a princess we got blessed with, handsome” as I put his hand on my stomach and his face twists into confusion “what do you-WAIT! IT’S A BOY? FORREAL? IT’S A BOY?” the smile cannot be contained on his face as he comes to the realization.

"Yes, it’s a boy” I state as Jungkook lifts and twirls me around I laugh.

Jungkook happily exclaims “Oh my god, I'm gonna have a son.” Jungkook drops to his knees and places his hand on my stomach and softly speaks “Hey handsome, its daddy, no I'm not your real daddy baby but I'm going to love you and your mommy like I am. I can't imagine a world without you I can't wait to meet you”

I stand there smiling knowing.......Jungkook won’t ever leave me alone  

[hamburgerhelpersotherhand]

Almost Fate P2

Forty Quinn x Reader

Warnings: Nagging, other stuff probably

Notes: This is a sequel to an earlier writing of mine. I’m currently posting this because the other requests are taking longer for me to proof read. I guess it’s because I’m being pulled in multiple directions by school work? Surprisingly, the Visual Arts department was not built for online classes.

Part One -> https://hamburgerhelpersotherhand.tumblr.com/post/612751263373934592/almost-fate

RING!

What on earth is that noise?

RIIING!

You suddenly bolt off the bed you didn’t realize you were on. “SHUT U—“

Your roommate stands before you, one hand on her hip and the other holding out her phone. She turns off the ringer and stares you in the eye.

“So, now you wake up?” She says sternly. “Where were you last night? You didn’t pick up your phone.”

“It’s a long story.” You reply with attitude laced into your words. You hadn’t noticed it before, but you were now definitely aware of your hangover.

“How did I get in here? I didn’t have my keys last night.”

“I brought you in. You were passed out in front of the door.”

You gasp theatrically. “... Are you going soft on me now?”

“Never mind that, Y/N. Where is your bag? You had absolutely no ID on you. That’s dangerous.” Your roommate is starting to sound like your mother. You won’t admit it, but you kind of appreciate it on a good day. That’s not today. “Besides, you weren’t answering any of my texts or calls and you left the room a mess! I swear, the thought of you being kidnapped crossed my mind.”

“Please stop talking.” You blurt out and point to your head. “Migraine.”

“Then answer me this: Where is your phone and WHY isn’t it on you?”

“My phone?” You’re confused for a moment, but your memories catch up quickly. “MY PHONE! Dammit, I think I left it at the bar.”

“The bar? You were at a bar in the middle of the week nearing finals?” Here we go. “Y/N... I know you’re more responsible than this.”

“Look, I have today off. I can make it all better. I’ll even pick up a new textbook!” You give her a thumbs up, a symbol that everything will be alright.

“Something happened to your textbook?!” Oh okay, now you’ve really stoked the flames.

“While you’re already as pissed off as you’ll ever be, someone also snatched my purse with my dorm keys and wallet inside...” You’re already beginning to change into some clean clothing.

“Y/N, do you not care about your grades here?” Your roommate is looking more concerned than angry now.

“I do care.” You reply with a sigh. “Yesterday was just not my day. Nothing went how it should have and I really wish my closest friend was supporting me rather than nagging me.”

Ouch. She’s thinking over what you said. Honestly? That’s all you could ask for.

Never mind your roommate. You make your way out of your dorm, heading to the Student Services office to report your issue and get yourself a new key.

~

You don’t have a phone, no purse in sight and you definitely don’t have a wallet... but your new key is snuggly sitting in your back pocket and you find yourself with some cash in your secret pocket, given to you by the bar man you met last night.

You... really can’t remember his name, but you knew it was something odd.

While you do remember feeling guilty about the money, you also remember telling yourself to spend it well. Specifically to buy yourself a new textbook before class next week. Whatever is left can go towards your new phone.

Your mind is thinking of how funny it would be to suddenly run into your robber as you walk along the streets of Los Angeles. Would you ever see that hideous yet sentimental purse again?

You left campus a while ago, but didn’t bother getting yourself a cab. It wasn’t worth the little money you had.

Whatever. You need a textbook. Where do you find this exact textbook at this exact time of year?

A bookstore.

And this particular grocery store, which you so happen to find yourself walking by, seems to have one inside, lucky you!

~

You’ve stepped into Anavrin once or twice before.

You’ve never bought anything, though.

None of this appealed to you, but the first time you stepped foot in here, you followed behind your friend as she bought fresh lemons for a school project.

The second time you found yourself wandering Anavrin, you thought they would have a public bathroom. You didn’t bother asking, so if they did have one, you couldn’t find it and concluded that they did not.

Now, you found yourself wandering the rather pathetic excuse for a bookstore. You followed the alphabet and quickly made your way across. Your head was pounding and you felt restless. The faster you got this done, the sooner you could just sleep in a dark room and cry.

“Come here often?” You’re startled by a familiar voice and instantly recognize his stupid looking grin.

“Five.”

“It’s Forty.”

“Right.” For the sake of your own dignity, you hope not to make that mistake again.

“Wait. Let’s do another take.” He puts his hands up and turns around on his heel. “One, two, three...”

He spins back around to face you, a smile crossing his face once again. “Come here often?”

You can’t help but smile back and play along. “Only when I need a new textbook.”

“Oou, you think a grocery store carries college textbooks?” Hes cringing and you slap yourself in the face from a sudden wave of embarrassment.

How could you be so stupid...

“I’m kidding!” He puts his hands on your shoulders and lightly shakes you out of your own head. You definitely still feel that migraine. “They should be in storage and, since I’m feeling so incredibly generous, I’ll get Will to take them out for you.”

“Oh! Thank you!” You exclaim, very much surprised but mostly thankful for narrowly avoiding such an embarrassing scene.

“Hey old sport—“ He lets go of your shoulders and waltzes over to the bookstore clerk with an apron. You’re just out of earshot, but you can tell that this Will guy seems very disinterested in whatever Forty is saying.

While whatever happens over there happens, you begin to drift away and squint around at the rest of the store. You’re not particularly drawn to anything, but your head is killing you and you’re starting to really feel it.

Maybe... just maybe... you should of asked your roommate for a Tylenol or two.

“Are you doing okay?” He asks, a confused smile on his face. “You look like you’re about to burst into tears.”

“Heh, yeah. I think I might have a slight hangover. I’m fine though, really.” You’re smiling at him reassuringly.

His grin widens as he inhales. “I have just the remedy for your hangover!” His hands rest on your shoulders. “It’s called sleeping in.” Very funny. “Now, you probably haven’t heard of it but—“

You swat your hand infront of his face to grab his attention and frown. “I tried that but I have a bossy roommate.”

“Then maybe you should sleep over at my place.” His hands slide down to hug your forearms, his eyes are looking through yours for a reaction and you’re suddenly made aware of his statement.

“That’s—“

Thump!

“Your requested box.” Will huffs out and gestures downward.

You peer down to the large single cardboard box by your feet and immediately spot the familiar cover of the textbook you’re looking for. You reach down and fish it out of the box.

“This is it.” You say.

“Great! Hey, old sport... I’m gonna need you to bring that box back to where you found it.” Forty claps his hands together and Will reluctantly obeys. If only to get Forty out of his hair.

“Thanks for the help.” You say as you double-check the textbook in hand.

“It’s on me, so don’t mention it.” He gives you a charming wink. “Seriously though, don’t mention it because Calvin will have an aneurysm.”

He has quite the way with expressing himself. For the most part, Forty can keep a straight face as he describes the oddest of situations. You believe it’s one of the things that makes him a hoot to converse with.

“Do you have a phone number? I think my broken phone equals no phone number gag has run it’s course.” He states.

You cant help but laugh and nod your head. He hands you his phone and you quickly add yourself as a contact.

“I should get going now, before my roommate thinks I’ve gotten myself killed. Thank you again for the textbook!”

“See you around, Y/N.”

“Later, Five.”

“Forty.”

You did it again.

~

It’s been a couple days since you stepped foot into Anavrin.

The encounter with Forty was surprising and really did catch you off-guard. There’s a possibility that he had mentioned Anavrin by name and that it entered your subconscious when choosing where to go... but you felt that was too far of a stretch to call it your reality.

The equal possibility that you were fated to enter that exact building also crossed your mind, but you shot it down just as fast.

Well, anywho, you’ve gotten yourself a new phone with the same old phone number. Forty still hasn’t tried contacting you, but he may simply not be aware of your phone’s status.

Not that contacting you matters! You two are just acquaintances, right? Drinking buddies at most.

You’re currently sitting at the desk in your room, studying the useful new textbook Forty had given you free of charge.

It was very kind of him, but you really didn’t want this to become a regular occurrence. Not letting you pay and/or paying for you? That felt like a problem waiting to happen. Don’t get yourself wrong, you appreciate the gesture wholly, but you hate to be in a position of owing something to someone.

Like... that kiss.

Oh, look at you now. You’re blushing and you know it.

RING!

That’s... your phone. That’s your phone!

But wait, you’re studying. You really need to get your grades up with this final project if you want to stand a chance to get the hell out of this school.

But...... what good is studying if all you’re really doing is getting lost in your own head? You slam the textbook shut and answer the phone.

“Hello?” You say.

“Good, you gave me the right number. I almost believed you’d play me.”

“Is this Forty?”

“Hey! You got my name right.” He says excitedly. “So,” His voice moves into a whisper. “What are you wearing?”

“Um... sweatpants and a tank top?” You mentally slap yourself when you hear him chuckle and realize what the question implied.

“Hot.” He laughs and you smile embarrassingly. “Anyway, I would hate to cut into your studying but... Can I take you out tonight? I think you’d absolutely adore the place I had in mind.”

You feel you face heat up. “Uh— I finished studying earlier. What did you have in mind?”

“It’s a surprise, silly!” His tone likes to change a lot, as you’ve come to realize in your short time with him. “Wear something special for me, yeah? Okay, I’ll pick you up at 8.”

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[aliceslantern]

Give/Take, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 9

Ienzo has been too busy since the war to be overwhelmed by the past. But with little progress to be made in his work with Kairi, old nightmares start to invade.

Riku is a glorified housesitter. Lonely and faced with no choice but to wait for a way to find his friends, he eagerly accepts when Ienzo asks him to help do repairs around the castle. Before long, the two strike up an unlikely friendship, united by their dark pasts and their attempts to be better people.

But just as they begin to consider something more... Kairi wakes up.

Ienzoku (Ienzo/Riku), post-Melody of Memory, slow burn. Updates Thursdays until it's done.

Chapter summary:  On different worlds, Ienzo and Riku write each other letters.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

Ienzo,

Sorry for the radio silence over the past few days, but things have literally been so insane I haven’t had a minute to myself to write this note. My mom is barely letting me out of her sight--not that I can blame her. She goes between being outraged to dropping everything and hugging me. She wants to know everything, and I’m trying to tell her as much as I can, but still editing the most… incriminating parts until she’s ready. You understand. Even when I was home before we never got into it.

I haven’t even really had time to enjoy being home. I’ve had to see family, friends, and they all want to know where I’ve disappeared to. People all over town, too, want to know what happened and where I went. A lot of people assumed that I’d gotten myself killed.

Including my parents. That was, and still is, the hardest thing I’ve had to accept. Starting to grieve someone and just beginning to make progress only to learn they’re alive… I feel so guilty. Now I wish I’d gone back home during Kairi’s year of sleep, even for a little while.

I’ll tell you more about what happened, but I just wanted to… start to get a status update. “Any news?” How are you? How have you been? What are you and the guys up to?

Write soon,

Riku

Dear Riku,

Thanks for your text. Of course I understand how overwhelming everything must be, and this was an unusual homecoming. I just hope it’s been more joyful than bittersweet, though I fear it’s the latter. I’m hoping this transition becomes less of a traumatic one for you. And even if it is… well. I am an impartial ear.

Correction--a somewhat impartial ear. I will yell at, and/or make fun of, anyone who gives you grief.

Do tell me about Sora and Kairi. Things must be dazzling for Sora especially--I can only imagine what sort of journey he’s gone through, and I’m probably wrong. Hopefully the three of you get to spend some time together, just relaxing and being friends. It’s the least of what you deserve.

I, on the other hand, don’t have much worth reporting. I’m continuing to work with Aeleus and Dilan on the repairs, helping Even with his various little experiments. I’m trying to figure out where I would be most helpful, but that has been somewhat difficult. I’m sure you can sympathize. It’s finally starting to get warm again here.

If I ever quit faffing about and find something worth writing about I’ll let you know…

Yours,

Ienzo

---

Ienzo,

Ha ha. For some reason I don’t believe you’ve been as lazy as you said you’ve been. Though part of me hopes you have. You deserve a little rest too.

On the topic of rest…

Right after I got your letter the puppet strings that have been keeping me awake since I got home snapped. I fell asleep on the living room couch and didn’t wake up for thirty-six hours. Mom was hysterical; she thought something was really wrong with me and took me to the doctor (which, considering how long it’s been since I’ve been home for any length of time, was my pediatrician. Awkward.). But the doctor just said what I told her, that I just needed to sleep . And sleep, and sleep… maybe it’s my turn to sleep for a year. Ha ha.

Yeah, yeah. Spare me your lectures. I’ve been so wired that even when I tried, I couldn’t sleep.

Sora and Kairi are doing as okay as they can. Of the three of us, I think Kairi’s bounced back the quickest. She’s already talking about re-enrolling in school to catch up. Considering she’s the mayor’s daughter, it made the news when she got back. She’s like a celebrity, though because she’s Kairi and she’s perfect, she’s got it under control. I mean that with no sarcasm whatsoever.

Sora…

As you can probably tell by me skirting around the subject, Sora… isn’t completely okay. Physically, he’s fine. Healthy. But it’s… between the Keyblade War, and what he experienced alone while we were all, very briefly, dead (which, remind me to tell you about that if I haven’t, because it is a trip.). He’s been ALONE for so long. I’ve never seen him so shaken, and he’s so quiet . Talk to him and he tries to be all smiles, of course, but a few of us were at the beach and instead of being all up in the middle of it like he usually is, he was sitting aside… alone. Kairi’s been trying to gently pry, but he keeps saying he’s okay. A tired act I think all of us know well by now. Honestly, I’m not sure what to do. What kind of therapist here would get what he’s gone through, anyway? The most we can do is be there, and keep on top of him, and hope he heals and processes over time. Makes me feel like a shitty best friend, but the emotional stuff was never my forte.

Sleepily yours,

Riku

---

My sleepyhead,

Hopefully by the time you get this you’re actually conscious. You had a long ordeal. Physically, emotionally, of course you’re exhausted. I hope you’re actually listening to it instead of pushing through. Been there. Done that. It is not worth it. You’re probably also still growing, believe it or not. The human male keeps growing and developing until twenty-five, and unless my knowledge of Destiny Island’s time stream is way off, you’re not exactly there yet.

I’m glad Kairi is doing well, and taking all of that in stride. If it were me I would’ve thrown in the towel long ago. I think school would be good. A taste of normalcy. You three deserve to get back to your lives… whatever that means. Or at least rest a while before finding greener pastures elsewhere.

It’s disheartening, but not surprising, that Sora feels the way he does. Like I said, I can only imagine what he might have gone through. Though I don’t like it when you say you’re a shitty friend when I watched you struggle to save your friends for a literal year. You’re too hard on  yourself, Riku. Being there, after everything else you did for him, is enough. Make sure to take time for yourself too. Though if Sora’s condition deteriorates, do let me know. I’ll see if I have any sort of psychological resource which might help him more than just a standard therapist with no notion of the greater World outside. Hopefully he’ll start to feel more himself once he settles back down.

This… very brief death occurrence you were referring to intrigues me. What was all that about? Fortunately it seems to not have stuck, but regardless, I felt my heart jump into my throat when I read it.

The others have been asking after you, Ansem especially. He says to “send his regards” and I promise it’s friendlier than it sounds.

I wonder, do you have sea salt ice cream where you are? It’s the height of summer and Scrooge McDuck is out. None of my cohorts here are willing to share. It’s been war.

Craving sea salt,

Ienzo

---

To the insatiable sweet tooth--

No, as a matter of fact, we do not have that particular sea salt ice cream here. If we want it, we have to go off-world. There are other, more native flavors which you might like, like dragon fruit or star fruit. (It’s mostly fruit. Sorry, we’re islanders.)

Sora seems to be doing a little bit better. Roxas, Xion, and them came to visit, which seemed to brighten his spirits, or at least distract him. Sometimes he still stares off into the distance and he’s not quite as chatty. This is going to take a long time.

As for the death thing… well, part of why Sora disappeared was because he went back in time to save us after the dark prophecy was fulfilled and the Demon Tide killed us… apparently. Even I can’t keep it all straight in my head, and it happened to me. He changed the flow of time to save us, and “abusing” the power of waking to save Kairi was the final straw. I… don’t like thinking about it much. It makes me feel sick.

Mundane life feels weird. I do chores around the house, and I mow lawns for some pocket change. Can you imagine it? The magic would make it easy, but it also unsettles people, so I do it with a mower. I had to go to social services to get an ID and we waited in line for two. Hours. I almost went insane. But at least it no longer has the awful picture it did when I started high school.

Speaking of, mom wants me to re-enroll right away, and dad wants me to do night school and speed through a general high school degree. I’m not sure how I feel about it, honestly. Kairi and Sora are excited, and I think it’ll be good for them. Maybe I’ll take a year, or do it online, or something. Though I’m sad to say my computer literacy isn’t nearly as good as yours.

How are you feeling in the castle? It must be summer for you guys there, too, though I imagine there aren’t beaches or anything. I didn’t see any. Do you have any summer activities? Or do you just sit in the library with a moldering old paperback all day?

Gainfully employed,

Riku

---

Dear Riku,

Thank you for satisfying my curiosity about that experience. I knew time travel was a factor in Sora’s disappearance--but I didn’t think it went like that for all of you. Terrifying. Awful.

A fantastic way to start a correspondence.

To answer the question… no, there are no “beaches” in terms of ocean beaches, but when I was a boy Radiant Garden did have springs on the far edges of town, as well as public pools. I was not allowed to go to them much--Even was rather neurotic--but yes, they do exist. Did exist. The restoration committee has it on their very, very long list. The paths down to the springs probably need some maintenance.

That is to say, when not in the lab I am sweating and thinking of cooler days. Though I know this might feel borderline chilly for you. Indifference to temperature is one of the few things on my waning list of what I miss from being a Nobody.

I’m glad you have some way to fill your days… that, and the idea of you working outside appeals to me. I imagine it must bore you.

I don’t spend ALL of my days in the library. Just most of them, lately, as am still trying to get this place even the slightest bit organized. If I had the resources I’d digitize everything. It’d make life so much easier. But I am one person with one computer and there are thousands upon thousands of books here. As a boy I used to have the fantasy of reading all of them before I turned eighteen. But, alas, that has not happened, and some of the texts are too boring, or in another language, or are too fragile to be handled. I clearly had very interesting ideas of leisure.

I still have not been able to get my hands on any decent ice cream.

Unsatisfied,

Ienzo

---

Ienzo,

I wanted to talk about this earlier but I had to get things settled in terms of my room. (Long story. Not a fun story.) Would you ever consider visiting? I could come get you. My parents are okay with it. In fact, they for some reason link you with me coming home, which I guess is true. You did help us get the clue Kairi needed. Either way, you’ve already made a good impression.

(If it’s not clear, I miss you.)

I can take you to a real beach. Show you around, not that there’s a whole lot to see. A change of scenery might be nice. Sora and Kairi want to hang out, too. Sora says hi.

If you’re busy, of course, I can come to you. But I know you’ve been there a long time, and there’s not always good memory there.

No pressure. Let me know.

Riku

---

Riku,

I think you may be on the right track with a change of scenery. I’m afraid what little wit I had left me, and when I was explaining to the others I’d like to visit, it became clear very quickly that our relationship is more than surface level. For that, I’m sorry.

However… the more I think about it, the more appealing it is. Even doing nothing--with you--is better than sitting here doing nothing by myself.

That is to say I miss you too.

I can be ready whenever is most convenient. I’m sorry for making you come all this way, though.

Ienzo

---

Ienzo,

Please, the flight will give me a few hours’ of peace and quiet. It’s been great spending all this time with friends and family, but… I feel kind of suffocated sometimes. Besides, I better keep my piloting skills in tip-top shape. Sora’s mad that I’m better at it than him. What can I say, it’s one of my many natural talents. Along with gardening, apparently.

Bring light clothes; it’s HOT here. And sunscreen. I mean it.

Looking forward to seeing you, and talking to you, in person.

Yours, Riku

[all-hail-the-witcher]

2 years ago today i made this blog

and now im going to get sappy about it

“And they wondered how long I could keep it up / While I wondered if I'd ever, if I'd ever get enough / And I did some shit I never should've done  / I would do it over now, I'd do it over

Shout out to the old me and everything you showed me / Glad you didn't listen when the world was trying to slow me / No one could control me, left my lovers lonely / Had to fuck it up before I really got to know me / All of the mistakes I made, I made, I made, I made / Whatever the price I paid, I paid, I paid, I paid / Shout out to the old me and everything you showed me / Had to fuck it up before I let you get to know me”

two years ago I created this blog. It was the summer going into my senior year of high school. I had planned to hold off making a tumblr account until I got to college, but on this particular night I said “fuck it” and made one. I told myself that I was doing it to see if people would read my writing. I hadn’t shared pretty much anything id written with anyone since middle school and at that point I was considering majoring in creative writing. I had just come up with the idea for spies and wanted to share it with people. I wanted to see if the people who told me I was a good writer were right.

and that's all well and true but recently i realized that there was another reason i made this blog: i was lonely. 

the pressure of my senior year of high school made me crack. on paper i was the perfect student, honors societies and aps and college scholarships and all that. but as i trekked from college to college, audition to audition, and did my homework almost exclusively in the backseat of a car, i found myself breaking. to put it mildly, the 17 year old who made this blog was nothing short of an asshole. 

unfortunately as a middle schooler i latched onto a fictional character from the mortal instruments: Jace herondale. Jace is an asshole, a terrible person who uses sarcasm as his defense mechanism and projects his trauma onto others. he doesn’t care who he hurts. he doesn’t let himself get close to people because he’s afraid he’s going to hurt them. throughout the series he eventually fixes himself and learns from his mistakes, but I didn’t want that Jace, I wanted book 1 Jace.

he tells this story in the beginning and he ends it with this line that has always stuck with me: “the boy never cried again and he never forgot what he’d learned: that to live is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed”

as my senior year went on i found myself becoming more and more like jace. i pushed people away, stopped talking to pretty much all my friends, and developed an aversion to using the word love. literally. i didn't particularly care who i took down with me or who i hurt in the process because i would be leaving for college and wouldn't have to see anyone ever again. real sound logic that was.

but i still had this blog, this stupid blog that i was never supposed to make. I had the fear of strangers on the internet burned into me as a kid, so I was very very hesitant to do much of anything on this blog except post fan fiction. but as I got more into the fandom, I broke that promise and I started talking to people. all kinds of people, in messages in asks in threads, it didn’t matter. and it made me happy, or as close to happy as i got. i loved talking to people on here, fic planning, posting about dumb shit, writing crack fics, just having fun. and then my blog started getting really big really quickly (something I never have and still don’t understand. what’s so cool about this dump of a blog? please someone tell me) and i found myself wanting to be a better version of myself online.  I know it didn’t happen that way all the time. there were many times were I was rude or sarcastic or attention seeking or just a bitch in general on here. but this blog made me want to be better. I wanted to be the person people who followed me thought I was.

at points, this blog was all I had. it was weird, knowing there were people who followed me cared about me, even though I had never met any of them. and that strange feeling of wanting to keep going for my blog held me together for a long time. 

obviously im no longer in high school anymore (and thank fuck for that). but recently I realized that I hadn’t actually changed and I was still the same shitty person I had become during the last year of high school, I’d just gotten better at hiding it. i didn't know who i was or who i wanted to be. it was daunting to begin to fix all my many mistakes irl so i started with this blog, making subtle changes on here, allowing myself to be more open, not as short with people, trying to avoid sarcasm all together. and once i was able to do that, it bled over into my real life. 

its been a few months of that, and i think im finally starting to like myself as a person again. I feel like I’ve changed. I’m more comfortable with myself. I’m not as much of a bitch anymore. I’m not the person I was before, but I don’t want to be that person. I’ve found pieces of my old self along this journey, but I’ve also found pieces of my new self. for the first time in a really long time, I’m happy. none of that would have happened without this damn blog. 

I never expected for this blog to become what it is. firstly, I never expected to have 856 followers. that’s so many people. what in the h e l l?? I never expected people to read a single fucking thing that I wrote. and people have. and they’ve enjoyed them?? that’s wild to me. 

but mostly, I never expected this blog to slap some sense into my stupid self. I don’t know where I would be without this blog, and I can say that honestly. over the last two years it’s been an escape, it’s given me purpose, and its been a reminder that I can fix myself. its not the only thing thats helped me though this mess, but it’s been one of the major components. I’m not perfect yet, I know that, but I know I’m better than when I started this blog 2 years ago. 

id also like to apologize to anyone on here that i was ever rude to, or hurt with anything i might have said or done. im sorry that the old me didn't understand or care what she was doing. ill do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again. 

so thank you to everyone who follows this blog, who’s on my taglist, who’s ever sent me an ask or a dm, and to everyone I ever talked to on here. thank you for reading this mess of a post. it means more to me than you will ever know. i know i hardly ever get sappy on here, but i wanted you all to know what this blog has come to mean to me. I love you all so much. thank you for inspiring me to pick myself back up.

[frommainetospain2020]

The Visa Saga

Ultimately, the most daunting part of the pre-study abroad process, is obtaining a visa. In the era of COVID-19, this daunting task is magnified ten-fold. Not wanting to be outdone by my 2016 counterpart, I took it upon myself to be overly abundantly prepared for my visa appointment. The pandemic has limited travel to the point that people need a valid visa in order to get into the country. CIEE had to push the dates of orientation because of all of the delays with getting placements, and getting the necessary documents to people.

The hardest part of the process, as I said in my previous post, is to get the background check. The background check also requires a thing called an apostille, which is basically an internationally accepted notarization. If you ask others within my program how long the FBI apostille process took, the answers may shock you. I, however, went a different route. The Boston consulate allowed a state police issued background check. Let me back up a second. I couldn’t get the FBI background check and apostille because my fingerprints were rejected, and the places I could go to have them done were extremely limited. Because of this, I got them from the Maine State Police and the Secretary of State. My apostille, from the time I sent in the request, to the time that I received it, was about a week. The FBI, in contrast, takes like 8 weeks.

In the same regard as college study abroad Steven, I made like 4 copies of everything. If they needed an original or a copy, I was gonna be ready for it.

So, I won’t bore you with the knitty gritty details about the visa process itself. If you’re curious, it’s available online. Google it. These blog posts, while shared for you to read, are a way of helping me to remember these experiences, when I inevitably forget them a few years down the line.

So let’s get to the experiences themselves... Picture it, Bangor, August 3, 2020. I had gotten a Greyhound ticket to get to Boston because the thought of driving in Boston stresses me out. I drove to Bangor International Airport in the morning for my bus which left at 9 AM. I parked my car in long term parking (which cost me $22 after a day and a half. The second trip was more manageable, which I’ll explain in a bit). Eventually, the bus came and a handful of people got on with me.

Now, if you’re reading this, and you’re a Facebook friend of mine, you may recall a post about how you could make a sitcom solely based on the characters you meet on a bus. And to that notion, I was most definitely not kidding.

Enter character #1. Smoking mother who doesn’t understand online banking. The woman sat a few seats behind me. At some point early in the ride, she called her bank, and I could tell from the tone of her voice that she was agitated. She apparently didn’t know that certain transfers in online banking had a charge that went along with it, and was asking for the bank to remove them. Sorry lady, that’s not how it works. She also left her kid as she stepped off the bus to smoke. “I’ll be right back” she said, to her son who was like 5. In her defense, it was super quick, but anyway...

Enter character #2, the woman with a better resting b**** face than me. It’s no secret that I like to sit alone on transportation. So, I was banking on not having to sit next to anyone. Until we got to New Hampshire... There was a girl sitting across from me, and by the time we got to Portsmouth, NH, we were the only two that were sitting by ourselves. However, when a rider needed a seat, he looked at the two of us, and made the decision that I looked more approachable. At least, as approachable as one can look with a face mask. So you win this round, lady with a better RBF than me...

In all honesty, the guy who sat next to me was super nice, and helped me navigate South Station to get where I needed to go, so cheers to you friend. I don’t remember your name, because I’m writing this over a month after it happened, so I apologize.

So, after a grueling 5 1/2 hour bus ride, we make it to South Station. For this initial visa appointment, I opted to couch surf with my cousin, who lived in Boston. So I made my way to the Fenway T Stop.

When I got there, I wasn’t sure how strict Boston was with jaywalkers, so I walked to the crosswalk at the end of the street and waited for the walk signal. Spoiler alert, that didn’t really last very long...

So my cousin greeted me, but I sat quietly for a bit because my cousin and her roommates were working virtually, so I mainly just surfed the internet.

That night, we went to a Greek restaurant, and I got a gyro. Barely ate any of it, because, you know, the whole “stomach the size of an egg” thing. But I digress...

She had an air mattress that I slept on, but deflated drastically by the time the morning came.

By that point, it was time to go to my visa appointment. I made my way to the consulate, showed the doorman my ID, he printed me a name badge and I made my way upstairs. The elevators were interesting, because you choose your floor from a screen and the elevator you get will get you to your desired floor. You gotta enjoy the little things.

The appointment took a bit longer than I anticipated. The person processing the visas was in a meeting, so it was a lot of “hurry up and wait”. In this time frame, a guy went up to the counter a few times for some reason, speaking in semi-understandable Spanish. Once I finally could come to the window, there was a woman who looked like a Spanish Ariana Grande beside me. I assume she was trying to either get a green card for herself, or her American husband. At least, that’s what my subpar Spanish skills understood.

After having to fix a field on my visa application, I was told to email the consulate in 3 weeks to see if the visa is ready, so I had accomplished what I needed to do. I made my way back to my cousin’s apartment and waited until I could go to the bus terminal for my return ride.

My cousin and I then went to a Mexican restaurant, basically next door to the Greek one from the day prior. I got a burrito bowl, and again, barely ate any. To kill time while my cousin and her roommates were working, I decided to crack away at my read-through of the Song of Ice and Fire books. I eventually made my way back to South Station and to the bus terminal. This bus was PACKED. The line of people was suuuuuuuper long. I barely found a seat. Luckily, the woman I sat next to was getting off in Portsmouth, the first stop, so once she left, I had the seat to myself.

Enter bus character # 3: The loud woman who doesn’t practice common courtesy on a bus full of people. Again for all of you Facebook friends out there, I made a post about a woman that sounded like Pensatucky from Orange is the New Black. Yeah, this is her. She was talking to her boyfriend, I’m assuming, but she was doing so extremely loudly, in a practically quiet bus. The girl that sat across from me looked at me, and we both gave a look of “WTF?”. I conversed with this girl for most of the bus ride, where we talked in depth about Harry Potter, which ya’ll know I’m very oft to do.

The return to Maine was rough, because it was pouring rain off and on. Because of the weather, the bus driver said that he was gonna drop Bangor off at the park and ride instead of the airport, which posed a problem, because my car was at the airport. Eventually, he said he’d go to the airport, so it worked out fine.

So, I paid my $22 parking fee and went on my way. This was also rough, because the rain made the Interstate drive very difficult. I didn’t get home until close to midnight.

Fast forward 3 weeks. Picture it, Bangor, August 24, 2020. I, again, take the Greyhound to Boston. The same bus driver. This time, it was boarded at the park and ride, so I didn’t need to pay $22 to park there, which was nice. Also this time, I managed to keep my seat to myself, which was nice. This bus ride probably had the least amount of interesting bus characters, but honestly, I don’t mind...

The bus ride was fairly standard, the main difference between this one and the first one, is that this one had much less people at the big stops.

When we got to Boston, I maneuvered my way to the Arlington stop. I had gotten a hotel room this time, as my cousin was moving out of Boston. I stayed at the Hotel 140 in Back Bay. Not horrible, but not great... So, the first thing I did in the hotel, was the thing I do literally every day of my life. I took a nap. 

After that, I ventured out to find something to eat for dinner. I went to the Prudential Center, which was just down the street. There was a lot of construction happening, so it was a bit tricky to maneuver, but I managed. I decided to see what stores were there and see what food outlets there were. While doing this, a guy was maskless and a security guard told him to put on a mask, to which he replied “I have freedoms.” or some BS similar to that... I discovered a grocery storeesque thing called Eataly. Some of you may have heard of it. It had a bunch of Italian food and other stuff, but it was EXPENSIVE. So, long story short, I didn’t buy anything there.

The meal I ended up having was a chicken caesar salad from California Pizza Kitchen. I managed to get a couple meals out of the half portion salad. If that salad was a half portion, I’d hate to see the full sized one...

After I got the salad in a to-go container, I bought a few Vitamin Waters at the CVS right next door, and went back to my hotel. That was about the extent of what I did of interest that night.

In the morning, I wanted to try to take advantage of the hotel’s continental breakfast, but it was very mediocre, so I decided not to. I decided to walk to Dunkin Donuts. I ordered 2 egg and cheese wake up wraps, and 10 Munchkins. If my dieticians read this, I know. I shouldn’t have them. I’m making progress though, so 🤷‍♂️.

Because I’m lazy, I took the T back, because it was about a 15 minute walk. I ate one of the wraps, and a single munchkin, and then set off for the consulate, which was basically right around the corner. Went through the same song and dance, show the doorman your ID, get the name badge, go to the 9th floor, yadda yadda yadda.

So I go in, and there’s a girl at the visa counter who I learned is doing the same program I am. After her initial appointment was done, they got my visa for me. When they handed it to me, they handed it via my Italian visa. This confused me, but then I turned back a page to see my Spanish visa on the other side. So to that, I bid them farewell, the guy at the consulate said “Enjoy your time in Spain!” and I left.

Because checkout at my hotel was at 11, and my bus was at 4:30, it was gonna make for a long afternoon. When I got back to the hotel, I took a shower and surfed the internet for a bit, before I had to check out.

Once I checked out, I went to the T station, where the card that I thought had money on it didn’t, so I had to buy another. I took the T back to South Station. From there, I continued to read through the Song of Ice and Fire books, as well as checking social media, as one is oft to do these days. I used my power bank sparingly to last the time I was there. I gotta say, 5 hours of downtime in a bus terminal is ROUGH.

So, fast forward to right before boarding, and enter bus character # 4, thug looking guy with a heavy NY accent. This guy was actually super nice. We chatted before the bus boarded. He’s the same age as my mom, but honestly looked much younger to me. We mainly complained about how long the bus was taking, but yeah, despite not being crazy, I’d still classify this guy as a character.

The biggest character on this bus ride was actually the bus driver. He was, I’m guessing, from India or a similar country. When someone was parked where they weren’t supposed to be in Portsmouth, he honked his horn and loudly called them a motherf*****, so that the passengers could hear. 

I wanted to wrap this up since it’s a pretty long blog post, so basically we got back, no issues, and I drove out of the park and ride to drive home. Shortly before my exit, the right lane of the interstate was blocked off for construction. This was like 11:15 at night. So I had one lane, and as much visibility as my car headlights could give me. Unfortunately, that wasn’t much, because I accidentally hit a porcupine. 😢 I almost hit a skunk too, but he was enough in the closed off lane to be out of the way. This broke the clamp on my exhaust system and started making a noise until I got it fixed. It was a mess.

Anyway, that’s the end of the visa saga, meeting interesting characters along the way, and getting the thing that got me where I am now. In Madrid.

Fin.

[jojostory]

Artist Alley Tips: Flying to Conventions

Wanting grow your art business might mean you’re looking into travelling for shows! I did this for the first time at Anime Central in 2017. Read under the cut for my experience!

Choosing an Airline

Make sure to choose an airline that fits your travel needs! For example, Southwest is a favorite of many artists because they have free checked baggage. However, they also have an unusual boarding system (at least, I thought so) where the order in which you board depends on your check-in time and people get to choose whichever seat they want. If you really need an aisle or window seat, you might need a different airline.

Another thing to consider is whether you’re enrolled in an rewards program (say, for your credit card or airline miles) that allows you to get plane tickets more cheaply.

Choosing a Hotel & Roommates

Consider cost v.s. convenience! Hotels further from the convention venue tend to be cheaper (and Airbnbs are often even cheaper than that!). But honestly, I find it super tiring to lug myself between the convention center and a hotel that’s far away every day, even if there’s a shuttle (which can be unpredictable). I prefer to stay in a nearby convention hotel if I can find roommates to stay with!

Keep an eye out for “party hotels” that tend to attract people who like to stay up late and be loud -- and think about whether you want to be in one or not. Unfortunately I don’t think there’s a good way to tell whether a hotel is one or not without just asking friends you have that have attended the convention before.

Places to find roommates: the convention’s website forums, Artist Alley Network International, through artist friends

Wherever you find your roommates, make sure to communicate beforehand and set expectations about rough times you’ll be sleeping and awake, noise, partying, etc.

Map out routes from your hotel to the airport beforehand! The hotel might have a free or cheap shuttle from the airport that you’ll definitely want to take advantage of. If not, check if Lyft or Uber is in the area (it tends to be cheaper than a taxi, but slower since you have to wait for your car to come pick you up).

What I Take With Me

(Caveat: I often travel to cons alone, so I limit the luggage I carry with me so I can actually manage by myself!)

Large luggage. For my first out-of-state con, I needed luggage that would be durable enough to survive being checked onto a flight but that was roomy enough to hold everything I needed. I also looked for a bag with an 80-20 split rather than a 50-50 split, making it easier to pack big items (like print boxes) in the suitcase. Finally, I wanted something with a lock, so I could keep merch secured at night after con hours. I ended up going with this Samsonite suitcase (affiliate link) and I love it!

Small luggage. I’m kind of a small person, so I can’t handle multiple huge pieces of luggage at once. I took my regular suitcase and filled about half of it with clothes/toiletries/other travel necessities and the other half with more merch.

Photography stand. This doesn’t fit in a luggage, I have to take this as a carry-on. (Read more about how to use photograph stands in your artist alley setup here!) For a while, I used the bag that the stand came with, but it started falling apart so I eventually bought a skinny golf club case (affiliate link) that has worked really well so far (and I can carry it cross-body so my hands are free to push my suitcases along!)

One backpack. Carry-on item, to hold stuff like laptop, phone charger, 3DS, Switch, and snacks!

One purse. Essentials like airline ticket, ID, wallet, and keys go in a cross body purse so I can get through the airport with as little stress as possible!

Packing Strategy & Tips

Like I mentioned above, using a 80-20 split luggage makes things so much easier! 

In the 80% half your your suitcase, place heavy, large or tall-ish items first and pack them tightly as your can, tetris-style. Then, fit in more flexible things (like bags of charms) in the spaces in between (but make sure your merch won’t get crushed when your stand your suitcase upright).

In the 20% half of your suitcases, place flatter/softer items (like tablecloths, signage and display prints, art portfolios, etc.

Buy a luggage scale. I have this one (affiliate link), which I really like because it’s USB-rechargeable. For most airlines, the weight of each suitcase you check must be under 50 lbs. or you have to pay an overweight baggage fee! As I pack my suitcase, I take a couple times to check how close to the weight limit I am. If my large suitcase is too heavy, I’ll move a few things to my small suitcase or to my backpack. Make sure to take the luggage scale with you -- so you can check if your suitcase is under the weight limit on your way back, too. I do check both suitcases since I need to take my photography stand as a carry-on.

Estimate how much stock you’ll need and only take that much. If you have 30 copies of a print and you think you’ll only sell about 10, just take 10! This is a good way to reduce weight.

Reduce hard, rigid containers as much as possible. For example, I carry all my charms in large plastic bags, so I can kind of fit them in nooks and crannies in places in my luggage. Of course, rigid containers are definitely necessary to protect more fragile items like prints!

Practice packing a few days before hand! This way you’ll know if there are items that can’t fit or are too heavy -- and will give you time to figure out different containers or other ways to adjust before the day of travel.

On the Day Of Travel

Double-check you’ve packed everything!

Get to the airport early!

Check in your baggage. If you’ve practiced packing beforehand, you hopefully won’t run into overweight baggage issues.

Get to your gate! Get a snack and relax now that you’re not carrying your suitcases anymore :) Keep an ear open to see if the flight is full. If so, you might want to ask the gate attendants if it’s OK to gate-check or tag your photography stand because it might not fit in the overhead bins if they’re full. You’ll only want to do this if you have a carrying case for your photography stand that is hard and will protect your stand!

Settle in on the plane. If you are bringing your photography stand, wait for people to put their suitcases in the overhead bins near you. Then, you can shove your photography stand on top! This is usually not a problem unless you’re on a very small plane with small overhead bins.

Once you’ve landed, you hopefully know how you’re going to get to the hotel you picked out. If you do have to take a taxi, make sure you don’t take a flat-rate taxi (unless the convention center is extremely far away). It’s usually cheaper to take a fare taxi for shorter rides.

Other Considerations 

Simplify your merch! Being able to offer a variety of items is great, but it also takes up a lot of space. In general (but especially for out-of-state conventions), my strategy is to bring lots of copies of items I’m confident are going to be successful. If I want to experiment with new items, I usually do that through my online store or through local cons. 

Don’t buy more suitcases! Rather than buying more suitcases (and attempting to carry them all and pay more for checked baggage) I try to rotate out old merch so that I only bring things that I can fit in the bags I have.

Bring a friend! If you have a friend who is going to the convention too, see if they’re willing to travel with you! With extra hands and eyes, you can help take care of each others’ luggage and figure out how to get to places together. 

Phew, you made it! Now go out and kick butt! I hope this post was helpful, and if you have any tips or thoughts you’d like to see added here, let me know!

[nero-the-truth-sable]

So I am commonly known as Nero, and I have played a popular MMO since it came out, and I have enjoyed this MMO with a small group of people, and in particular someone who has become a very good friend of mine. Now last year my friend began having some trouble, but here is the catch, my friends account was not active because she was away having major surgery.  Now I know what everyone is thinking, your thinking I am always going to defend my friend because they are my friends, well no I am not like that. I say it like it is.  I am going to put the screen shots of various discord conversations up on this tumbler, I will also explain a bit about them and I will let you judge for yourself. SO here are some things that discord user Yuri-Fairytale / Robin Fairytale / Fairy_tale has said about my friend, now I am going to say this person does keep changing their name and profile pick so we have had to identify them by the Account ID number the long one, and its this 343331401401368576, this is how we know this is coming from the same person.  Yuri considers himself the leader of this BS Congress, and he likes to think himself the leader / hero of the people. Yuri has been in this BS congress for roughly 6 years he actually founded it, Through out the years Yuri has been involved in most of the Drama on the server of this MMO that me and my friend play.  I myself can name at least 100 other people Yuri has had issues with over the years. . . people who had no issues with anyone else, people who just didnt want to be involved in drama, and wanted to do their own thing. Which annoyed him, Yuri likes to be in charge, of everything and everyone.  Yuri has got a discord server called the Lich congress and on it he openly tries to influence people, by influencing their judgement of others he dislikes, and by spreading untrue things about others he dislikes, as you can see in the discord screen shots above. He uses this as a weapon. The original post was made on Yuris server on the 30th of November, he claims that my Friend had been acting up before that date, the majority of the month of November 2019 and some of October 2019. However my Friends account was inactive and at this point had been for 4 - 6 weeks, due to medical reasons. I knew about this, she had told me before hand, so I can tell you that these claims are untrue, she did not do anything to these people.  So I noticed in game there was some gossip going around about my friend and I knew by what was being said it came from Yuri, it 100% did, I contacted him directly over discord to try and sort this out, I spent 2 hours explaining to him that my friends account was inactive. I even sent him screen shots showing she had not been online for a number of days because we are in the same Free Company and it does show the number of days people are offline for. Yuri accused me of altering the in game screen shots. You really just cannot win with this guy. Honestly I think a dentist appointment where you have some teeth taken out would have been more appealing than talking with and trying to explain logic to this guy. However what I am going to say is this  when confronted about the untrue things Yuri had been spreading about my Friend, Yuri immediately says he is blameless, and names 2 other people Judy Judy and Valeria Mae, as the people who deserve the blame, because they sent Yuri screen shots which were staged or Altered. Now while this is True, Yuri was told this information about my friend being away and he was shown proof she was in fact inactive, he even says he has not seen her in game for a while, and yet Yuri continued to post untrue things about my friend on other social media sites, and also on other discord servers. He deserves a good part of the blame in my own opinion, for spreading things about someone he knew was not doing anything.  Eventually the conversation went way south and ended with me blocking him after he threatens me and my friend and tells us to leave server or else this will get very messy for the both of us.  I will say this there were screen shots given to me by Yuri, Yuri gave me like 5 - 10 screen shots, some were of a discord conversation, the account in it, while named Freya was not my friends account it had a different account ID to hers, I checked this a number of times, I also did tell Yuri this, I will also say the account that was supposed to be my friend, spoke in broken English, now my friend speaks fluent English and actually has a very good understanding of the English language. While English is not her first language you would not be able to tell. Also the person pretending to be my friend on discord, had an old picture one my friend was not using anymore, my friend does have an instagram, and a twitter account where she does post her in game screen shots, so easy enough to get access to an old one (she has changed the privacy setting recently) I will say I did report this discord account, the one pretending to be my friend to discord.  The other screen shots were in game screen shots, of in game mail, now these screen shots came from Judy Judy and Valeria Mae, and they claimed my friend was threatening them, now while the mail messages did contain threats, firstly it was again written in broken English very much the same as the discord account and also the screen shot had been altered it had been cropped a lot to basically only show the small mail box, also the name of the person who had sent the in game mail had been blacked out, now if you have someone threatening you why would you take a screen shot and you yourself black the name out of the person who sent the mail, I mean if you do that you can not prove who sent it to you, unless you yourself do not want the name to be seen not because its not from the person you are claiming it is from.   I pointed these things out to this person as you can see, and I pointed out that the so called EVIDENCE Yuri claimed he had, was questionable at best, I mean honestly, you cant call it evidence.  I personally think, this so called evidence was staged, I think Judy Judy and Valeria Mae, sent in game mail to each other and thats why the senders name is blacked out in the screen shots, and I think Judy Judy and Valeria Mae, and Yuri Fairytale are also the people responsible for the discord account that was pretending to be my friend. I think Yuri knew this to an extent, but just wanted to cause some drama, because we all know he loves his drama. Yuri and the others refuse to let this go, so now I am doing to them what they have done to me and my friend. I hope they enjoy it, I know I will get some small satisfaction out of it.  To date this ass hole still claims my friend is the one responsible for this crap, but today he says Fairy_tai lYesterday at 10:27 In short the 3rd party found out from a leak that we had evidence of them breaking ToS and other issues and then went on a hunt for fc's in the congress to again leak info to them. . And alot of people that was once friends to that individual, defending them ect they got turned on by that individual later making accusations against them. Fairy_tail Yesterday at 10:31 Also during one of the times we was helping the 3rd party to try fix a misunderstanding it was found that they had redacted parts of convocations to go in there favour and even faked discord screenshot convocations that hadn't even took place trying to pit ppl against each other . That's when I myself cut contact with that individual https://www.facebook.com/groups/1559001954387688/  They have a Facebook group, it makes me laugh because of their rules.  2 - No hate speech, bullying or discrimination. Make sure everyone feels safe. Bullying of any kind isn't allowed, and degrading comments about things such as race, religion, culture or sexual orientation will "NOT" be tolerated. 4 - Absolutely no witch-hunting Any posts relating to bad in-game experience must have any character and FC names redacted. Any mention of whom the posts refers to will be deleted. Perfectly ok when they do it though isnt it. Got to love hypocrites who are so far up their own arses they cant even see the light of day, and love drama so much they make lies and spread shit about someone whos not even done a single thing to them. He has done this to so many people now.

[flyingcookierambles]

plans for 2020???

uhhuhuhuhuhuhhhh

graduate college

get a part time job and take a gap year for academia/save up money while job hunting for my first Real Adult Job?????

figure out my gender??????????????? probably switch to like they/she pronouns or something bc i realized that every time i post something on twitter/snapchat/tumblr/whatever i always refer to myself as a “a foolish child who makes bad financial decisions” or “a person who makes their wallet cry” or like “guess who just spent like $40 on a steam sale???? this kidddddddddd” like ive always just been unconsciously referring to myself in like third person or they/them/gender neutral pronouns?????? like. i dont think that in any tweet/toot/snap ive ever written i’ve called myself something like “a foolish girl” or “a girl who makes her wallet cry” or anything so like theres that. and honestly ive made/been making some posts about this gender thing for like the past year. ive asked the cool mods at feminism and media about it (ill post the screenshot later). ive changed my main tumblr about page which i dont think anyone’s ever visited since it’s listed under “hi” and like maybe i should change it to “about”? anyways ive like changed most of my stuff online to be something like “gender questioning, but she/her pronouns are fine for now” or like “gender questioning/probably nonbinary” and then just straight up changed my facebook pronouns to they/them (but im p sure my family hasnt noticed thank goodness cuz thats not a can of worms i wanna explain to a bunch of religious baby boomers rn), changed my myanimelist gender to non-bianary (again why is this a thing? a rando blue anime hellsite is not the place i expected to have this option but like im not complaining so lol), and also put “gender questioning, probably non-binary” in the write in gender option on goodreads so like. uhhh. i guess im probably non-binary????? but also im a terrible and indecisive person so like every time i say im probably non-binary my stupid brain goes back to bein like. wait is this some internalized misogyny that makes me not want to be a girl/cis girl? but also i find the dysphoria memes/jokes on the egg_irl subreddit really relatable and its just a bad cycle in which i go “oh these gender dysphoria memes on a trans subreddit are really relatable” -> “huh maybe. im not a girl???” -> brain awakened to being not a girl -> self doubt of brain might have internalized misogyny -> haha im a cis girl even tho i always refer to myself with they/them pronouns in writing -> haha wait that doesnt sound right a cis person wouldnt refer to themself with gender neutral pronouns right -> i know, ill go to a sub that i know makes gender dysphoria jokes and caused this self doubt/gender questioning in the first place with dumb jokes like “would you push a button?” and this meme but replace the “im bi” with “im ace” -> haha these gender dysphoria jokes are really relatable -> oh no (repeat this hell cycle of self doubt for 2 years and its me haha) 

regarding the above example sentences of steam sales and my finances, uhhhh, i wanna play more video games this year. and actually finish them. because i think according to steamdb or whatever account rating site it is, my account’s games net worth is something ridiculous like $600. and like. ive only played like 30% of the stuff i own. so uh. i should get my moneys worth and play stuff

the above resolution does not apply to games that are technically endless with no real goal/end, such as the sims, cities skyline, prison architect, etc. this resolution applies only to games that do have an end, such as nameless, pesterquest, steins;gate, etc.

the above resolution also may have some exceptions due to technical issues or time since some games, mostly japanese visual novels like steins;gate, are not compatible with macbooks i guess maybe they’re not popular with gamers (not surprising the macbooks has terrible venting lol) and also maybe not popular in japan so japanese companies just dont think to port things to mac os??? idk what the issue is here exactly but like since im in a college dorm and not at home ill only have access to my macbook for a majority of the time.

also similar to the “finish the games” thing, i should read, or at least attempt to read, all the books i’ve brought. i have so so many ebooks. that are unread. yet i also keep buying more books. i should stop buying books and finish the ones i do have and also use the library more.

also i should probably figure out how to save money lol. im 22. but im constantly broke. 

also i should uhhh probably find more diverse books lol. like i love my shitty indie fantasy books and stuff but the protag is usu a white dude so like eh. but also. sometimes when i read books w female protags im like haha cant relate. and then the gender questioning sets in once again. is it because im probably non-binary? or am i actually trans or something???????? i mean i hang out on egg_irl, a mostly mtf trans sub, but also an occasional non-binary or ftm trans post comes up which is also nice to see. idk mannnnnnn lollll

also there was this whole like haha cant relate brain reaction to my school’s vagina monologues event when i went in to listen to my nursing major friend have some monologue. like she talked about some thing about like delivering a baby and it was kinda near the end of the event bc i got there late and the ones that i did hear at the end were just like haha cant relate but also ive been told that the monologues that year were particularly terf-y, probs in response to my college turning co-ed (it was up until i think 2 years before i entered a womens college and the older students, alumni and current students that were there at the time, were apparently super pissed about it, so the school i guess doubled down on “(cis) girl power!” but also kinda excluded trans/gender queer ppl that weren’t cis girls in the process)

gender is stupid i feel like id much rather not have to deal with it/pick a label to be and move on with life lol but my brain wont let me

push this internal gender crisis out of my mind by playing a ton of video games/reading a ton of books/do school work ig hahahahahaha