#and here’s this fool making out with his girlfriend he met through dnd on my living room couch
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Self hatred hours yay
#goblin life#vent#Basically I am very jealous and resentful that my similarly autistic brother has a romantic partner#because I feel extremely unvorthy of love and don’t believe anyone of interest to me would ever like me#specifically because I’m a burden#and here’s this fool making out with his girlfriend he met through dnd on my living room couch#like I didn’t have to remind him to eat food and to take his meds today#or not to sleep in jeans and with shoes on#and yes I know love isn’t really about being worthy or not#but fuck#It’s because he’s a thin pretty boy isn’t it?#and they are both 20#most people don’t worry about their partner being cumbersome when they are 20#especially if the partner is a pretty thin boy#boys don’t have to do shit to receive affection#while I’m pretty sure I am only as loved as I am useful#or as as useful as I’ve been in the past#I am genuinely afraid of the day I use up my social capital in my family’s eyes#like they probably won’t outright kick me out but they might#but still#I’m not always sulky about being autistic but sometimes I am
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