#and her excuses are essentially 'but the kid forgets so we just keep going' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

najatheangel · 4 years ago

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genre: fluff, drama, and comedy. high school au!

pairing: Choi San x Reader

author's note: apart of the Ateez Summer Collab hosted by @bangchan-fairy My first official posted collab please let me know what you guys think. Enjoy your summer! ✨

word count: 5.3k

summary: After slacking off junior year and struggling to juggle responsibilities, you're stuck retaking your math course in the summer. With your future on the line, you were stuck with San to work together with you so you both can pass this summer course as seniors. You two seem to have a hard time focusing on your studies. Is it because you don't understand the work or a certain someone that's distracting you

taglist: @purplepsycho03 @melonmochimoon @neptunehobi @soleilsuhh @dundun-baby @kpopsnowball (Send me a message if you want to be added or removed from the tag list.)

Your stepmom Maria seemed to be very disappointed in you once again for letting her down this year. She had planned so many family trips, vacations, and hangouts for the whole family to enjoy this summer, but thanks to my failing this dumb math class, I have to be stuck in this school until July.

“You better be lucky I can afford for you to retake this class. Your reckless behavior has gone on long enough.” Your mom walks beside you upstairs inside Walnut Hills Highschool making sure you don’t skip out on the first day of summer school.

“Mom, you know you don’t have to walk me to class. I know what I’m doing!” You groan at her as she links her arms with you in the hallway.

“Clearly you don’t! If you did you wouldn’t be stuck here retaking this class. Now we’re almost there so keep your head high and lose the tude.”

There it was class 2A once again. This class was an absolute nightmare. I took a deep breath and slid the door open slowly with my eyes halfway open anxious to see who was sitting in the classroom.

“Welcome back miss Y/LN! Good seeing you again.” Mr. Harris said with a smile. This sucker, you had a love-hate relationship with Mr. Harris. You loved the fact that he was super nice and helpful when he was your English tutor freshman year, but you hated how he had a crush on your mom and how weird teacher-parent conference meetings would get when they would sneak off with each other in his office.

“Good morning Mr. Harris. Good seeing you again.” Your mom blushed to try to contain her excitement, but it was too obvious. “Anyways I’ll be heading my way out. She’s all yours for the summer.” Your mom gave you one last hug and kiss on the cheek before she left.

You sighed, rolling your eyes, fanning yourself already sweating from the classroom’s lack of cold air blowing. You complained again by saying.“Mr. Harris, are we staying in this room all summer? I’m sweating like a fat pig.”

“Unfortunately, yes. The PCs in the computer lab have been shut down and the school plans on replacing them with apple PCs by august. So these are the cards we’ve been dealt with. Let’s get started shall we.”

All the students in the classroom sighed, taking sips of their water bottles as Mr. Harris took attendance.

“Let’s see...We have Angela, Oliver, Chris, Yui, Y/N...Who’s missing? Choi San?”

“Here.” San slams the door open, arriving 20 minutes late with his chocolate milk in one hand and a glazed donut in the other. “Sorry Mr. Harris, I’ve overslept.”

Mr. Harris sighs, shaking his head, chuckling to calm himself down. “As expected. Just glad that you’re here, please have a seat.”

There was only one seat left which was in the front next to you and that would of course be his assigned seat for the rest of the summer.

You never heard much of San except everyone saying that he dropped out sophomore year.

You remember having a crush on him during freshman orientation when you both were shadowed by this kid named Lee Know. The whole time you were quiet, but you remembered staring at the handsome devil strutting in his uniform the whole time.

So to see him once again took you and everyone by surprise.

“Class, make sure you remember your partner’s name sitting next to you for this summer because you will work together in order to pass this class.”

“Say what?” You look over at San, who was making origami at his desk. “Good seeing again kid.” He smirks at you leaving you speechless. “Want a donut?” He reached out, handing a piece to you.

You were slamming your head on the desk thinking to yourself. “Mom, I know I promised I would finish this class, but I don’t know if I can...”

Mr. Harris had you paired up in groups of two to complete a series of word problems and online on this website called Pearson. On the bright side, walnut hills provided MacBooks for students that didn’t have their laptop, but of course, if they tried to watch Netflix, facetime with their friends, or search for something inappropriate, their laptop will be shut down for 24 hours until further notice.

The first two weeks were pretty quiet between you and San because both of you aren’t necessarily the best conversation starters and whenever San would ask you something it would only just help him cheat on an assignment or help him make up an excuse to skip class. Up until the third week hit you had enough of his excuses trying to avoid doing the work.

The third week you were assigned to work on three hours of pre-cal on the computer and you had the option to locate to a different classroom of course if you couldn’t focus in a cramped room full of sweaty students. So you and san decided to work in the math lab across from class 2A and try to work out a plan.

“Listen San I know this class is our worst enemy, but I promised my mom I would graduate next year and If I have to restart my junior year again I would die of embarrassment. So please try a little harder.” San sighs nodding to your proposal looking deeply into your eyes.

“Fine. I guess I’m in the same boat. I figured retaking junior year would make my mom mad too.” He reaches his hand shaking it with yours smiling.

Your heart starts pounding pretty fast as you're exchanging the agreement with San and you gaze your eyes back at the computer again clearing your throat.

“So, all we have to do is remember the methods Mr. Harris taught us and we'll be alright. What section are we on?” San scrolls through his laptop trying to login into his Pearson account. “I believe it's section 3.A. 20 questions which are due this Friday?! Man, Mr. Harris won’t give us a break.”

You giggled at his surprised reaction. Sometimes he can be soft which makes you melt inside even more. It made you wonder why he was always hanging around with the rebels with no future at school. Maybe life at home was rough and he didn’t have a lot of friends. All these questions were running through your head, which made you not realize that San suddenly moved closer to you.

“You need help with that problem? You were staring blankly at the screen for the past 10 minutes. Here let me show you how to do this.” San wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer to writing the answer problem step by step to help you understand it better, but that wasn’t exactly helping.

All you were doing was admiring his beautiful face to face. It made you remember the first time you saw him with his glowing melon skin, sharp jawline, the way he can pull off a white collar and a striped tie it just seemed impossible.

On top of that his knowledge in math made him 10x more attractive, but you couldn’t understand why someone as brilliant and essential as him set himself up in the wrong crowd and stuck in this situation that cost him his high school diploma.

“So that’s how you get y= 18 + 15x. Any questions?” “Yeah, why the hell are you so fine. Forget Mr. Harris, you can be my tutor.” Would’ve sounded better in your head, but you accidentally said it out loud.

San looked at you with his eyes flashing open and then he burst out laughing. “Well Ms. Y/LN if I knew you were having this much fun, I would’ve signed up for this a long time ago.”

“Same here. You know I didn’t think math was your thing. How come you're so good at it?” He sighs, leaning looking up at the ceiling as his mood changes very quickly. “My dad is an entrepreneur and a CEO of his own company.

He’s very good at math so he taught me at an early age so someday I can take over his company someday. He’s never home at times either so I’m pretty much always helping my friends with their math homework as a side hustle.”

“That must be tiring. I know that must be a lot of pressure for a 17-year-old.” San nods his head in agreement and says “It is, but hey that’s what I’ve been dealing with all my life. We got to finish these questions so we can go home early.” With the both of you panicking you turn back to your computers finishing the last set of problems.

You were having so much fun at school with San that you forgot you had to make it to dinner on time with your wicked stepmother. Ever since you’ve started your sophomore year at Walnut Hills your father was keeping his dating life a secret until he unexpectedly announced that he wanted to marry Maria. Your dad was always the playboy so it always would irritate you whenever he brings another woman into the picture.

Your father planned on marrying Maria by the time you’ve graduated high school, but that all ended in tragedy when your father one day died in a car accident on the way to your volleyball game. This is why you quitted sports, fell out with your best friends, and flunked almost all your classes. Maria has always shown tough love even when your dad was around, but that’s because she never knew what it was like to raise children and she wanted to learn to become closer to your family, but your relationship with her was always rocky.

Arriving late at night you’ve run to your house sweating and panting to your angry stepmom in the kitchen tapping her foot.

“Y/N, do you know what time it is? School ended at 5. Why are you late for dinner? This better is good missy.” You caught your last breath and then rolled your eyes at Maria’s snarky comment. “Me and my partner in my class took longer than expected to finish our assignment. Sorry, okay?”

You’ve slammed your backpack on the back of your chair and grabbed a plate of yong chow rice to eat with your family. “Don’t you roll your eyes at me? I just asked a simple question. Don’t tell me your working with that Choi San guy?”

You shook your head as you started to feel yourself explode at the dinner table, but you let her finish. “I know that because Mr. Harris told me. Look all I’m saying is you better stay concentrated on getting out of summer school and don’t fool around with these boys. Got it?”

You’ve finally snapped and stood up slamming the table with your fists. “You know what, I don’t understand why you're nagging me about every little thing going on in my life. You can’t just be proud that I finished my assignments for this week. But, no you keep finding ways to complain to me about me not working hard enough or messing around. I’m getting really tired of it. That’s why I hate it here!”

“Y/N! Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you.” She followed you all the way upstairs until you closed the door and locked it in her face. You were too tired and frustrated to be dealing with her constant ranting so you’ve just sat in your room, put your AirPods on, and blocked her yelling from the background. “We’ll talk about this another day. Psh teenagers.”

For the rest of the night, you smush your face in your pillow crying yourself to sleep. You look back on the polaroids of your dad around your room and through your phone missing his presence in your home. “Dad, why did you leave me alone with her? If it was just the three of us, things would be so different. I miss you.”

Your partnership with San seemed to improve drastically which was surprising, to say the least. All the other kids in the class however didn’t seem to improve. Some were either cheating or missing the deadlines. Mr. Harris was not pleased by the results so he found other alternatives.

“You know what class, here’s what we’re about to do. To make this a lot more fun, how about we do class activities for extra credit. Since some of you are glued to your devices nowadays we can play games like Kahoot, Jenga, and Tetris to answer questions. I can even narrow down the questions on the assignments. How does that sound?” Everyone in class chants and cheers loving the idea which keeps them even more motivated to continue working.

“Alright everyone the games won’t start today, but next week. This is the last week of June and summer school so that means we’re halfway there from finishing. You cannot screw this up. Try acing this week’s quiz with 90% everyone or no games for those with below 70%. Got it?” “Yes, Mr. Harris!” You’ve become closer to the class since it was only nine of you, but your best friends are Angela, San, and Chris. The four of you stopped for ice cream after school to study for this week’s big math test that covered five sections.

“Gosh, Mr. Harris put 40 questions on the test! What the hell is he on crack?”

Everyone laughed at Chris complaining. He would always try to find shortcuts just so he can finish playing PubG, but he always ends up getting in trouble because he procrastinates too much. The only reason he’s somewhat doing well is because of his girlfriend Angela.

She was always a straight-A student and a bit of a geek at school, but outside of school, she was a baddie. She ended up having to retake pre-cal because she wanted to offer to help Chris with homework but ended up failing with him. “Oh hush it’s not even that bad. If you would’ve done those practice problems like you were told, you wouldn’t be complaining so much.” She slaps the back of Chris' head making him spat out his dip cone.

San looks at them admiring their silly dysfunctional relationship and then looks at you mesmerized. He leans in whispering in your ear saying “Why can’t we be more like them. They’re cute together.” You turned to him, slapping his shoulder softly giggling. “We shouldn’t. We agreed to only focus on school, remember?” He looks at you pouting “Does it have to be strictly about work? Like Mr. Harris said, we can have fun with it. We are partners after all.”

You look to the side trying to avoid his gaze as you take another spoonful of mint cocoa. With your sloppy spoonful of ice cream leftover on your face, San quickly grabbed a napkin from the table and whipped your face. “Be careful, you had a little mint chocolate on your face.” He kissed the side of your lips and smirked at you right afterward leaving everyone shocked.

“You guys are hot together.”

Chris with no filter shouted out leaving you a blushing mess. You quickly grabbed your ice cream and backpack as you heard your stepmom pulling up at the dairy parking lot. “You know what duty calls. I’ll meet you guys at the same time tomorrow at San’s place just like we planned. I gotta shave my legs. Later!” San wanted to grab your arm real quick to give you a proper goodbye, but you already beat him to it by sprinting to the car.

“Honey, why did you run in the car so fast? You would have finished your ice cream-”

“No time for that, just drive Mom.” Maria laughs looking at you covering your face with your cardigan and looking at San’s pouting face playing with his spoon he just ate from his ice cream. “Reminds me of the good old days when I was in high school.” Your stepmom cranked the engine and drove all the way home.

When you arrived home you flopped your body on your bed trying to focus on finishing studying for your test by yourself, but all your thinking about San’s kiss replaying in your head over and over again. “Ugh that San man, why did his lips have to be so soft? I'm supposed to be finding the formula for x, not the formula to get into San’s heart.” You’ve pulled out your laptop attempting to send an email to Mr. Harris said that you wanted to switch partners, but you prevent yourself from pressing send through your mouse.

“There’s no point. We only have four more weeks plus he would be upset if I do that. I just need to calm down.” You’ve closed out of your email tab and finished your homework sinking in your thoughts.

“Dad, hey it’s me again, I just wanted to leave a voicemail letting you know that later on today I’ll be bringing my friends over to work on studying for our big test. It would be nice for you to meet them, but of course, I know work is more important. Anyways please come visit again sometime soon. Love you, peace.” San sighs, hanging up the phone as he sets the table up getting ready for you, Angela, and Chris to come over. San has always learned to live basically on his own growing up.

His father is always running off on business trips, his mother left him at a young age to marry a wealthy man and his older brother was already out of the country to join the Navy. His brother was the only person he can count on for family events when it came to birthdays, Christmas, and even father’s day. At least his brother could attend and catch up with his crazy high school life.

Snapping out of his train of thoughts he opens the door as soon as he hears the doorbell ring. “Coming!” He fixed his Pikachu long sleeve and parted his hair before he opened the door. He was smiling so wide after seeing it was you, Angela and Chris.

“C'mon in you guys. Welcome to mi palacio. Let’s study in the living room.”

Everyone ran to the living room pleased with the smell of pina colada candles filling the house. You were shocked that San got to live in this huge nicely decorated home yet you seem to notice that his family is not present.

You see picture frames of him when he was younger in a monster inc sitting on the fountain at Disneyland.

There was also another cute family photo of San’s best friend named Wooyoung that he met since kindergarten, but sadly they ended up cutting ties since they went to different schools.

A picture that stood out from all of them was one of him sitting on his mom’s lap when he was five smiling super hard with his pretty white smile. You’ve never seen him smile that hard and you were always curious more about his past so the family photos have shown a nice glimpse into his past “Hey y/n cmon I made some ramen. We have to pull out the flashcards so we can study.” “W-wait, but your baby pictures I want!” “No time we can look at them later.”

He winks and gently holds your hand and walks downstairs with you.

“Here goes the love birds. We have to try San’s famous spicy ramen dish before it gets too cold.” Everyone sits down at the dinner table clasping their hands together ready to dig in until the door opens.

“Surprise brother! Sorry I’m late. Did I miss dinner?” San’s brother Jinhyuk walks in with veggie wraps and steak bulgogi in his hand. San runs up to his brother hugging him super tight happier to see that he finally made it home. “Guys this is my brother Jinhyuk. Jinhyuk this is Chris, Angela, and Y/N.”

Jinhyuk smiles at everyone greeting everyone. “So what’s been going on with you guys? I know you have been stuck in school together, but what have you guys been doing outside of school?” Angela started by saying “Well so far me and Chris have been seeing each other every day. We always go to the park or the carnival when we get the chance for dates. We have also been hanging out with these two right here.”

Chris joined in saying “Exactly right. You can say we’re like the Scooby-Doo gang of course without scooby.” San laughs adding on “No way you’re definitely Scooby. Angela is Velma, I’m Freddy, and Y/N is Daphne.” Everyone at the table laughed as they enjoyed San’s ramen catching up with each other.

Jinhyuk elbows you as he chats with you in the kitchen. “Hey, I noticed that you were sitting there staring at my brother. What’s going on with you two.” Your eyes flashed wide open as you were surprised by Jinhyk’s sudden question. You faced him scratching the back of your head not knowing how to answer his question. “Well, I honestly don’t know. I think he just likes teasing me. One minute he flirts with me, the next minute he treats me like one of the guys. My mom also doesn’t want me getting distracted so I’m trying to keep my distance.”

Jinhyuk laughs and then pets your head. “Well, you both already failed at keeping your distance. I think he likes you, but since you keep running away or avoiding him too much, he feels like he’s making you uncomfortable and that you strictly want to stay as friends. I wouldn’t give him the wrong idea to be upfront about how you feel about him. You got this kid.” He grabs your empty bowl for you and washes the dishes giving you that boost of confidence. “You know what you're right. Mama didn’t raise no punk. I’ll tell him after we finish studying. Thanks, Jinhyuk I owe you the next time you visit.” You give him a thumbs up and skip happily out the kitchen looking forward to seeing your friends.

After hours of studying flashcards, everyone finally studied feeling confident in themselves about the final test of the semester. Everyone packed their things and was ready to head home since their parents were outside. You were the only one that still felt confident about your process throughout the class so you’ve decided to stay an extra hour to study with San.

“Are you sure this is right?” You put the pencil down crossing your fingers as San checks your work. “Wow yes, that is correct. See you’re doing just fine. You only got 7 wrong out of the 40 questions. Just keep using that method I taught you and you’ll be just fine.” San smiles at you pinching your cheeks. “It’s 10:30 pm. Your mom is going to be worried about you. You should start heading home. I'll drop you off.” San started putting his notebook and laptop back on his desk getting ready to leave his room, but you pull on his sleeve bringing him back down on the couch with you.

“Wait, um why don’t we watch a movie or something. My mom is out with Mr. Harris anyways they won’t be back until the morning. I kind of told her I was spending the night at my cousin’s house.”

San smiles, shaking his head gulping, sitting back down next to you. “That sounds nice and all, but I don’t want to get you in trouble. Plus you do realize you’re staying over at a boy’s house at night.” You lean your head on his shoulder holding his hand yawning. “I know I trust you. You wouldn’t do anything unless I told you I wanted to. Just for tonight please San?” San sighs, lifting your chin patting the back of your head. “Fine, but next time let me meet your mom. I want to know everything there is about you okay?” You nod linking pinkies with him. “Deal. Now let’s watch Money Heist Shall we?”

The next morning you wake up in San’s arms as you share a blanket on the living room couch. You woke up fixing his messy black hair struck by his sleeping face. “Gosh you're even more dreamy when you're sleeping.” You checked the time on your phone and realized what time it was.

Pre-cal normally starts around 10, it was 11:20. “San gets up, we're late for class! We can’t miss this one Mr. Harris is giving us get extra credit today.” San woke right up alert as he wiped the drool from the side of his mouth.

“Dang, we gotta go. Here brush your teeth real fast, brush your hair and let’s roll.”

The two of you got ready as fast you could and hopped right on his motorcycle speeding through the traffic throughout the city.

You wrapped your arms around San the whole time scared you’ll fall on the motorcycle. San felt so happy whenever you depended on him for anything. “God I love this girl. I know they say I’m too young or going too fast, but I can’t help it.” He mumbled under his breath as he arrived at the school.

“Well well if it isn’t San and Y/N. You better be lucky you didn’t miss the test. We just got done playing Kahoot.” The two of you poured with your heads looking down feeling ashamed as you walked to your seats. The two of you took one last glimpse of each before Mr. Harris handed out the test.

This was it after everything you’ve been through this past month with San and your friends. The hard work was going to determine if you actually made it through or not. Mr. Harris gave you a whisper of encouragement you never heard in a long time except for your dad. “Y/N no matter what happens I’ll always be proud of you. Finish this strong.”

Mr. Harris' words almost moved you to tears as you smiled and nodded your head right back at him. Now you understand why Maria loved him so much he was always passionate about teaching and cared about your well-being.

You grabbed your pencil and your laptop as you started getting to work. The whole time you were nervous and a few questions caused you to slip up, but in the end, you remembered how to do most of the work. San seemed to be holding up just fine so you weren’t too worried about him, Angela would always double-check her work before turning it in and Chris was surprisingly focused the whole time.

As everyone finished their tests Mr. Harris checked everyone’s grades one by one slowly seeing their process.

He stands up taking off his glasses and says. “Class...congratulations on becoming seniors! Everyone has passed summer school. See you in the fall.”

Everyone screamed cheering as the paper was flying and everyone in the classroom cheered. “Yeah, you guys hang out at the carnival!” Chris screamed and everyone followed him out.

Before catching up with everyone you called your stepmom to tell her the good news with Mr. Harris next to you.

“Mom, I finally passed. Dad’s face right now you know he’s probably crying. It was all thanks to Mr. Harris too, he's the best teacher ever.”

You can hear your mom’s voice on the other end as she gets teary-eyed. “Your dad would definitely be so happy that you passed, but also pissed because he never wants you in summer school ever again.” The three of you laugh together as you share the happy news.

“I’m so sorry I doubted you and was super harsh y/n. I love you and just want you to succeed. Your my only banana muffin I got in this world so don’t pull off any dumb crap like this ever again.”

“Yes mom, you know I will. I made a promise to dad after all. I will graduate and stay close to you if it’s the last thing I do. Love you, I'm going to the carnival with my friends.”

Maria makes kissy noises back and says “I love you too. Don’t stay out too late. Matter of fact I’ll meet you there since me and Harris have a date anyways. See you there.” You hang up feeling emotional as you hug Mr. Harris.

Mr. Harris pats you on the back saying “Didn’t I tell you she’s very proud. Now I think you need to catch up with your friends before he leaves without you. I’ll meet you at the carnival.” Mr. Harris leaves the classroom giving you one last smile and heading out.

You walked in the hallway looking all around the school for San, luckily you found him in the science lab where he’s sitting by the window with a sad look on his face.

“San. We’ve gotta meet up with everyone at the carnival. Why are you here by yourself?”

San sighs, crossing his arms.

“There’s no point in celebrating. I tried reaching out to both of my parents to tell them about one of the biggest accomplishments in my life and as usual, they didn’t answer.” You sat right next to him at the window petting his head. “You know what, how dare they? Forget them.

You have a supportive big brother, an amazing group of friends, and the best teacher a school could ever ask for. You have a family right here and we’re proud of you.”

San lifts his head up as he sees your bright smile that always makes him helpless.

“You always know exactly what to say. What would I do without you?”

He links pinkies with you. “I really can’t wait for you to meet my stepmom. She gets on my nerves sometimes and we always tend to bump heads, but we always come right back together. Dad would’ve also loved you. He was always straight to the point and never held back. I loved that confidence he always had.”

“Oh yeah he did get into that accident last year, I’m so sorry about that.”

You shake your head “It’s alright, I’m still holding up just fine. I’m just happy to have you here with me plus I get to be seniors with you and everyone else.” San looks up at you one last time slowly leaning his face close to yours until your noses touch.

“Gosh, I wonder what would happen if I made out with Y/N in the science lab? The janitor would for sure catch us in the act.” You giggle flirting with him back.

“The only thing he would have to worry about cleaning up is the kiss marks that are going to be on your neck.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you were this playful. I love seeing this side of you.”

The two of you finally exchange a short yet sweet kiss in the orange sunset peeking against the window. It was going to last longer until Angela and Chris crashed the party with a loud knock on the door.

“Hurry up Freddy and Daphne the Scooby gang has to pull up at the carnival together. You guys can finish eating each other's faces off in the car. We can’t miss the flight of fear!”

The two of you looked at each other shrugging and walked together hand in hand out the classroom. “Well, I guess we will have to finish this on the carousel.” “Indeed, that sounds more romantic than making out while being surrounded by jars of disinfected frogs in the science lab.”

The two of you catch up with the rest of the seniors of class 2021 as you look forward to your last summer as juniors together. Today was going to be the day where you go all out and live like you're gonna die young.

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clarissalance · 4 years ago

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Wolves

Pairing: Kaeya x fem!Reader, Diluc, Crepus

Warning: minor swearing, cheesy flirt, dry humour

Summary: All men are wolves.

A/N: Muahaha I have came back and brought you the blatant cheesy flirt. Welcome to the first lesson of flirting with Kaeya. Lol, guess who is coming next?

Also, I’m planning to write a wind-trace fic because the game is so fun. (p/s: I waste 3 hours playing it) Guess who is in it?

Okay, the first fic for my lover boy. Please give Kaeya a lot of love!! (*￣3￣)╭

Another beautiful day, another day of wasting the lovely weather to stay inside the study room, bury your head into the pile of books next to you. You let your eyes wander to the window again, gazing rays of light fleeting through the window, golden hues on the wooden floor. Tiny specks of dust accumulate overnight, fluttering around the curtain. Outside, the chirping birds bathing under the sun, casually chilling on the window. Oh, how you wish you would be able to relax like those carefree animals.

“You might burn the birds crips the longer you stare at it.” Startled by the quiet voice, your head snaps toward the blue-haired teenage direction, and you can’t help but scowl at his statement. You can’t be the only person in the room who wants to go out and play. Knowing Kaeya, he’s definitely trying to find an excuse to end the class early.

The only person who is diligent, hard-working, and does not have thought about leaving this room is the young master Diluc. The young man is sitting opposite you, eyes burning holes on the thick textbook.

Archon, how can a 16 years old overly enthusiastic person like him enjoy the excitement of reading Descartes philosophy? Maybe he is the only child in Mondstadt, no, maybe in the whole Teyvat who enjoys something torturous like that. Shivering at your own thought, you shift your chair closer to Kaeya, giving Diluc a terror gaze.

“Aren’t you going to finish the essay?” Pointing at the half-full parchment on the table, you ask. “ Diluc and I already finish it.”

“ Oh, how do I know? How am I suppose to understand Kant and Descartes theories, and then link them to deductive and inductive reasoning?" Kaeya lets his finger running through the silky blue hair and pulls them out of frustration. On the other side, Diluc shoots him a glare, annoyed by his brother complaint.

“How did you guys do it?” Kaeya asks boredly, his finger pokes the quill.

You put your hand under your chin, beaming him charmingly. “ You know Kaeya, it is something I call improvisation. Words just flow out of my tip.” Under your lashes, you can see his cheek dusting pink. Cute!

“ Just read the books, and you will get it.” Diluc unhelpful adds.

Both of you stare at red-head incredulously. Is he being serious?

Like always, Kaeya knows he can not take your advice to heart. One is a genius, and the other is just pure luck.

Suddenly, the door is burst open, and you quickly shove your feet into the shoes, eyes darting to see the intruder. Internally, you hope that person is not lady Elizabeth, your etiquette teacher. Your blood runs cold at the thought. You can already imagine her sharp tones commenting how horrendous and un-ladylike your act is.

“How is your study going?” A deep, strong voice booming from the back, and finally, you get let out a breath. Diluc looks up from his book, beams brightly at the man.

“ We are done with homework, father. These are just extra reading.” Well, for the record, these are his extra readings, not yours. And Kaeya hasn’t finished his 2 feet scrolls of essay yet.

Master Crepus nods in satisfaction. “ If that is finished, you kids can take a break. The young lady from the Gunnhildr family is here with her father. Maybe you can give her some accompanies.” The middle-aged man directs the words at you, maybe feeling guilty for leaving a young lady like you in his two sons care.

Your parents left you in the Ragnvindr care every Summer because of their hectic schedules and frequent business trips at this time of the year. In addition, your mother says it is essential for you to have good relationships with the heir of Ragnvindr and his brother. “Maybe you will need their help someday.” She left it vaguely.

“ Are you guys going to drink again?” Kaeya suspiciously questions, his eyes glinting with playfulness.

“ Hey, what’s wrong with men having a drink together?” Crepus defensively retorts, notices how Diluc gives him a disproving gaze.

“ When you guys grow up, you would enjoy it too.” The three let out opposing noises, clearly not having the same idea as him. The man waves dismissively return back the topic.

“ Let’s come down to greet the head of Gunnhildr first.” He heads toward the door, down the hallway.

“And be nice to the young lady, boys.” The master emphasizes the phrase, his eyes pinning at the guilty-looking Kaeya and the absent-minded Diluc. Finally, he exits the room, not forgetting to close the door.

“ Father says as if we don’t treat people nicely.” Kaeya pouts, right after Crepus footstep drifting away from the study. “ The workers never complain anything about our behaviours, right Luc?”

Sitting next to him, you can't help but let out a snort. He dares to say that? Kaeya raises eyebrows at you, annoyed by your shaking shoulder. The boy in red has a blank face, maybe not interested.

“ First, you guys ignore me for 2 weeks when I just came here.” You burst out in laughter, recalling back at the very first memory when you just arrived here.

“When I tried to approach, you both avoided me like the plague.” Your whole body is shaking vigorously, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. This is too hilarious! Somewhere in between, you can spot Diluc burning cheek.

“ Haha, and haha-later,” You can hardly breath, laughter bubbling up. “Adeline told me your reason is ‘It's b-because she doesn’t have a willie.' ” Dramatically air-quoting, you even imitate their stuttering childish voices. This earns you a pointed glare from Diluc and a smack in the arm from Kaeya, but a good laugh is always worth it.

Both of them freeze on their tracks, faces puff red as tomatoes, steaming almost coming off their ears. If the young heir is to wear a red suit, you are sure he can blend in well with the mansion roof.

Diluc shifts stiffly in his chair and abruptly stands up, heading toward the exit. Maybe he is too embarrassed at the mention of his dark childhood.

“Where-haha, are you going, Luc?” You are still in the middle of your giggling, noticing how Diluc is dashing to the door. Letting out a coughing fit, he quietly mumbles.

“ I'm going down to greet the Gunnhildr family.” His figure vanishes right behind the door, not letting you tease him further. Outside, the painful sound of Diluc tripping on his own feet make you almost fall off your chair. You have too many good laughs today.

“Right, I-I should get going too.” Next to you, the blazing Kaeya remembers to dig a hole and hide. His hand slams hard on the table and the youthful teenager stands up, gracefully heading toward the door. Maybe he wants to avoid becoming another joke.

" Ah, wait-" You follow instantly, but the moment you stand up, something slips, and the next thing you know, the ground is shaking, and you see the ceiling is getting further.

Your first instinct is to grab the closest object, and then close your eyes, waiting for the painful impact with your head. Clench your jaw tightly, and you hold your breath, hoping it will hurt less if you tense your body.

Right after tensing up, you feel someone just grab you by your shoulder, and your feet step on something bumpy. And then, your head makes an impact with something hard. A grunting is followed.

Heart hammering in your chest, you cautiously peek, expecting yourself to see the ceiling, but instead, greet with an unusual sight. A pair of dark colour trouser paired with leather shoes. On top of it is your feet, loosely wore low heel is stepping on that leather shoes. Shit, you stepped on Kaeya. In a panic, you rush down from his painful sore feet, but your head jams in his ribs. He just let out another woeful sound.

This time, you carefully keep your position in place, slowly remove each foot one by one, moving away from him. Craning your neck upward, you finally meet his gaze, his eyes are full of concern and uneasiness, spooked out by your sudden incident.

“Did you hit your head hard?” Kaeya asks you nervously, his voice laced with anxiety. He must have been terrified when you slip. You shake your head, hands grabbing his shirt.

" I should be asking you that. Are you okay?" You give him a worrying gaze, your fingers running along his ribs, checking if your stone head broke anything. " I didn't break anything, right?" Hesitantly, you look into his deep blue eyes, noticing the diamond shape. Has he always has this in his eyes?

Kaeya snorts inelegantly, shakes his head. " Your head is hard as a rock, but that much can't break my ribs yet." This earns him a hit on his arm.

"Hey! I'm trying to be considerate, and this is how you treat me?" You jab him, hand purposely smack his chest, but he doesn't budge an inch. How strong is this guy? This time, you put all the force on your arm, slapping hard on his chest again. The young man in the blues shoot you a shit-eating grin, clearly not faze.

"How is my chest feeling?" He pokes, his palm engulfing yours.

" Too hard for my liking." You give him a complex look, trying to escape from his tight grip but fail miserably. You wiggle your hand again, shaking off his iron clad. Why is he so strong?

While you are attempting to flee from his firm grasp, the young man leans down, face an inch away from you. Flushing at the sudden closure, like usual, you avoid his burning gaze. You hold your breath when your noses almost touch. What is this rascal doing again?

" You shouldn't be touching men like that." Kaeya opens his mouth, saying something completely out of nowhere. You tilt your head in confusion, while your eyes travel down, you notice your hands still on his chest. O-oh, so he is saying about this.

" I don't normally touch random people." You mumble defensively, your eyes lower. " I was checking for your injury."

"They will misunderstand." Kaeya cuts in right after, not accepting the excuse. But why would they misunderstand? You are just being nice, right?

Like he can understand what is going inside your mind, Kaeya reminds you.

"All men are wolves, you should be more be careful with them."

You give him a confusing look.

Kaeya is not one of them, right?

Eventually, he let out a soft sigh and moves back, allowing you to savour your personal space. Just right after your throbbing heart finally calms down, he brings your tight-griped hand in his to his face. Your meet with his alluring look in his eyes. It is pulling you in, telling you to give in the temptation. Plump lips brush your knuckle teasingly, he blows a warm breath on the back of your hand. He gives you a saccharine smile.

" And if not be careful." His husky voice ringing in your ears, the numbing spark runs along your spine. "They might devour you."

#kaeya x reader #kaeya alberich #genshin impact #genshin x reader #all men are wolves #fluff #romance #implication #bad chilhood memory #willies #clarissalance #diluc ragnvindr #crepus ragnvindr #kaeya ragnvindr

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akitokihojo · 3 years ago

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Monster - Chapter 19

chapter index

“How far off are we talking?” Inuyasha asked, kicking out the fire as the rest of his team hurried to pack up camp.

“Ten miles, give or take.” Koga answered.

“How are you so sure it’s Hakudoshi?” Kagome asked next, strapping her bag over her shoulders.

“Anyone want to fill us in on what a Hakudoshi is?” Miroku implored with a bemused frown.

“A short, evil minion that we need to kill.” The wolf demon answered.

Blinking blankly, Miroku shifted his eyes over to Kagome for an actual explanation.

“Naraku created a group of demons. As far as we know, he had five. We killed one already, so now he’s down to four: Hakudoshi, Kagura, Byakuya, and Goshinki. Hakudoshi, we really don’t have a lot of information on other than he’s a child and has long, white hair.”

“He’s a child.” Miroku gasped.

“An evil one!” Koga feebly defended.

“Miroku, think of it as a design.” Inuyasha spoke. “Remember how we explained Naraku to you? How he’s an inorganic half demon? Anything he creates is essentially inorganic, as well. Child or not, Hakudoshi is still a demon of his that needs to go down.”

“Excuse me?” Koga sort of gaped at how that bit of information was so casually mentioned and how no one else was the least bit fazed by it.

“He’s just a little boy though, right?” Sango inquired sympathetically. “Isn’t there a chance he can be turned around and saved?”

“No, I think he’s a bit too far gone.” Kagome grimaced. “We had a friend that was sort of tortured into shape by Naraku’s guys. Hakudoshi was the main offender and was a fan of sharp objects.”

“Oh, okay. Evil child with a knife. Got it.” Miroku cringed, immediately throwing aside any further argument he could have thought of.

“The only one that’s worth saving is Kagura, but that’s a story for another time. We’ve gotta get going.” Kagome added.

“Hello?” Koga called, demanding their attention. “Inuyasha, what the fuck did you just say about Naraku?”

“Oh, that he’s an inorganic half demon? Yeah. You didn’t know that?” The hanyou shrugged sardonically. It was high time the secret got out to all that were involved since everything was so real now, but that didn’t mean he planned on sitting Koga and Sesshomaru down to have a nice, mature, informative conversation. That just meant he’d openly talk about it in front of them so that they could piece it all together on their own. It wasn’t like they could do much with it, anyway. He kept it under wraps for the protection of himself and everyone around him. Now, there was no further reason for it.

“Yeah, come on, dude.” Miroku arched a brow, playing along. He felt it was only his right since the guy just tried to punk him. “Even we knew that.”

“How the fuck… Inuyasha, what are you talking about? What does this mean?” Koga questioned seriously.

“It means he’s not a full demon like he wants everyone to believe. I can tell you’re looking for his weakness though, and I don’t know that. Technically, at this point, him being half demon is useless information. It’s nothing more than a fun fact. Half demon or not, he’s still a force to be reckoned with.”

“No, but half demons have specific traits about them, don’t they? They have a time of the month dedicated to basically emphasizing their weaknesses, right?”

“We turn human, yes.” Inuyasha tried not to grumble with his admittance. It was common knowledge. What wasn’t was the day and time it happened. “Naraku, doesn’t. I don’t exactly know what he transforms into, but it’s definitely not human, and potentially even more damaging to him. Be that as it may, do you know when that is?”

“Obviously not.”

“Then, it’s useless information.”

“How do you know this? Did you see it?”

“A long ass fucking time ago, I did. I was a kid; I wasn’t paying attention to the phase of the moon. Unless you know where he is and want to camp out every fucking night outside his place to wait and see if you miraculously feel his demonic energy die off, I’m going to have to repeat, this is all useless information now. It serves as nothing more than a stab to his ego.”

“Dammit.” Koga hissed. He was hoping that since it was new information to him, it’d be something they could grasp onto and utilize in the future, but the mutt was right. No one knew where Naraku was hiding, and camping out was obviously out of the question. Not to mention, a monster like that with the pride he harbors would take extensive efforts to protect himself during his moment of incapacitation. As quickly as he’d clung to the hope, the wolf demon was going to have to drop it. “Can you guys keep up while running? We should head out.”

“Kagome, get on.” Inuyasha kneeled, securing her rear as she climbed onto his back. With a little hike up, he was set to carry her at a decent speed.

“Kirara, let’s go.” Sango firmly ordered, and the small cat demon by her side let out a little meow, hopping into an open space as she transformed into her larger, saber-toothed version.

“Uh, there are things you don’t see every day, and there are things you see that make you think you took a little too much of Kaede’s good shit. What the fuck is that?” Koga pointed to the large cat demon, beyond perplexed.

“Kirara.” Sango replied nonchalantly, jumping on the demon’s back with ease. Miroku followed, not quite as skillfully, but not as sloppily as he used to either. “She’s my cat.”

“You’re not high, buddy.” Miroku grinned. “This is not an illusion.”

“Kagome, you’re from a weird ass village.” He shook his head, heading off in the direction he came from as he led the squad forward.

Koga had had to slow his pace down a bit since he knew he ran faster than the average demon and he didn’t want to lose his new comrades, but he was glad to hear no complaints from anyone. In fact, it was him that ended up doing the complaining. By the time they reached the fork where he’d left Sesshomaru, the high and mighty dog demon was nowhere around. As fruitless as it was to even call out for him, given his scent and aura weren’t in the immediate vicinity, the wolf demon still found himself audibly searching.

“Let me get this straight,” Inuyasha began, safely setting Kagome back down to her feet. “You told Sesshomaru to wait for you?”

“Yeah.” Koga frowned.

“And, you actually expected him to listen?”

“He said he would!”

“Did he say he would or did he grunt?”

Koga paused as he recalled the conversation with Sesshomaru, realizing it was the latter that he’d received. “Fuck!”

“Who’s Sesshomaru?” Miroku asked after climbing down from Kirara.

“Inuyasha’s older brother.” Kagome answered.

“Half brother.” Inuyasha corrected.

“They don’t get along.” She continued with a grimace.

“From the smell of it, he’s long gone.” The hanyou mentioned, his nose in the air to gather the area. “He went right. We’ll go left. There’s no use in you trying to catch up with him, so just come with us.”

“What happened to no teaming up?” Koga meagerly mocked, barely putting any effort behind his deriding tone.

“You can come with us, you can stay behind, or you can seek out the imp fucker. I don’t care. I was just giving you another option.” Inuyasha rolled his eyes, leading the way toward the left route.

“Alright, alright. No need to beg, Inuyasha. I’ll help you out, but only because you asked so nicely.”

Inuyasha barely bit back his groan, his head falling as he kept walking. He was going to regret this, wasn’t he?

“Koga, you never answered my question from before.” Kagome said, jogging a little to walk beside him as they all continued down the path. “How do you know this is Hakudoshi? Didn’t you guys say the underlings all give off the same scent as Naraku?”

“Oh, yeah. They do. We caught something feint and followed it. You’re not gonna like this, but we ended up coming across a house at the edge of the woods -“ Koga paused, pointing behind them to the West. “And, everyone inside was…”

“Dead?” Miroku attempted to finish for him, wondering if that was the word he was going for.

“I mean, yes, but a little more than that.”

“How can you be a little more than dead?” Sango asked.

“It was gruesome, okay? The bodies were mangled. It was an entire family torn to shreds. The smell of Naraku was strong there, so we followed it out. We got all the way to this path here, and the scent of him went down both ways. Hence, why I came and found you. That way, no matter what, more ground is covered and we can hopefully corner the fucker. Sesshomaru was adamant that it couldn’t be Kagura, Byakuya doesn’t look like the type who’d want to dirty his nails doing something like that, but who’s the one we discovered has a thing for torment? Hakudoshi.”

“You cannot possibly be that stupid, can you?” Inuyasha gruffly asked, abruptly stopped in his tracks as he spun around. His brows were furrowed and his lips turned down in disapproval. “This is most likely the biggest trap anyone has ever willingly walked into.”

“No, that was definitely considered.” Koga plainly responded. “But, it’s a chance we have to take. And, one you readily hopped on board with without any further information.”

“Because, I decided to trust you for once. A big mistake on my end, clearly.”

“So, if you knew it was potentially a trap, you’d let it all slide and allow him to get away?” The wolf demon challenged.

“I would have taken a moment to establish a plan.” Inuyasha scowled.

“Hakudoshi could theoretically lead us to Naraku. Sesshomaru and I already came up with a plan. Cover more ground and pin him.”

“You’re forgetting one major thing here, Koga.”

“Goshinki.” Miroku concluded. It was the only name he’d heard that hadn’t been considered.

“Right.” Inuyasha assertively confirmed. “That’s a creation we have literally no information on, and you two are going off of assumptions. Assumptions that could get us all killed.”

“What’s happened to you, Inuyasha? You used to be so carefree and reckless.” Koga teased. “Now, all of a sudden, you’re rational and want to put as much thought into everything possible? Why’s that?”

Inuyasha didn’t answer. His jaw clenched tight, and his amber eyes pierced through Koga’s blue irises.

“Oh, got it.” The wolf laughed, patting Kagome’s shoulder. “It’s because your sweetheart almost died, right? Well, don’t worry. I’ll be right here to save her again if anything happens.”

“You son of a -“ Inuyasha ground out, stopping himself before he could throw a punch at him.

“Koga!” Kagome pushed his hand off of her.

“Kagome, what?” Miroku demanded, marching forward.

“Goddammit.” She grumbled before turning to him. “Look, there was an incident, but I’m fine.”

“What happened?”

“Naraku’s puppet kicked my ass; I told you that already.”

“You didn’t tell me it’d almost killed you!”

“It’s not imperative knowledge, Miroku. It happened, it’s done, I’m okay, so let’s drop it.”

“What happened?” He repeated more sternly.

She hesitated. She didn’t want this to make her cousin worry more, which was why she’d chosen to never include that tidbit of information in the first place. It wasn’t necessarily her most prideful moment, either. It was terrifying. For she and Inuyasha. Bringing it up would help no one, and would ease the pressure on no one’s shoulders. Still, Miroku pierced her with his indigo stare, and she felt compelled to give him something.

“He tossed me off of the mountainside and into the river after the heavy rains had filled it. Koga saved me.”

Miroku could say nothing, his hand flying to rub the tension from his forehead as he closed his eyes. This was why she didn’t want to tell him. What good is it doing? It seemed to only be reinforcing his stress and the longer he was silent, the heated sighs leaving his nostrils, the more uncomfortable she was becoming. She could only hope he was taking this long because he was processing the information and throwing it away. He got what he wanted, there was nothing anyone could do to change it, and now the best thing to do was to let it all go.

But, then his dark blue eyes transferred to Inuyasha. “I thought you’d said she’d been safe with you.”

“Hey!” Kagome quickly shouted, though she didn’t immediately regain his attention. Nevertheless, she spoke. And, she spoke powerfully. It was like she could feel the admonishment sitting heavily in Inuyasha’s chest, and she wasn’t about to allow that to overtake him again. “It is not his fault! My safety is in no one’s hands but mine, so don’t act like I need bodyguards standing at every side of me! I am not fragile, you know I’m not fragile! I know it upsets you that you weren’t there, Miroku, but that’s the thing! You weren’t there! You don’t know how it all went down! So, don’t blame Inuyasha, because you don’t know how hard he was trying to save me!” Finally, his look had shifted back to her, and it seemed his frown became something less angry and hinting more on the remorseful side. “Redirect it towards me! Ask me what I had done wrong! I can list everything! I was too scared, I let my emotions get the better of me, I wasn’t strong enough, I hesitated - I can go on! But, you’re not gonna do that, are you? If you aren’t going to blame me, then I can guarantee you that it’s not going to make you feel better to place the blame on anyone but Naraku, so just drop it! It happened, it’s done! Let it go, Miroku!”

Swiftly, while the heat still bubbled in her core, Kagome turned around to face Koga. “And, you! What was that? Were you just trying to gloat because you didn’t like that Inuyasha opposed you!? Grow up!”

“I - I didn’t know that not everyone here was aware of what had happened.” Koga feebly defended.

“No, you just didn’t think before you said anything! You were throwing whatever you could out there to get under his skin! If you want to tag along, you need to learn to communicate better, understand!? Work with us or go find Sesshomaru!”

Then she turned to Inuyasha, sighing out some heat and allowing her glower to relax a little before speaking to him. He was innocent, he didn’t deserve her temper. So, with one exhale, she pushed as much infuriation from her being so that she could continue semi-reasonably with him. “I don’t really think that there’s any way we can come up with a plan for this. I think the best thing we can agree on is to be on high alert. Expect the unexpected. Or, did you want to turn around?”

“No, you’re right.” Inuyasha agreed.

“Okay.” Kagome breathed, though she faced the others in challenge. “Anyone else want to say anything?”

The group was quiet, and she’d noticed Koga’s tail drooped almost fearfully, his azure eyes on the floor and away from her. Good. It was immature of him to bring up her near death experience anyway; he should be ashamed of himself. He didn’t just cause Inuyasha to recoil, but gave her, her cousin, and Sango grief in doing so, as well. What an idiotic move.

“Great. Then, let’s keep going.” She concluded, turning around on her heel and walking forward at a quick pace. Everyone else, though, had to stay put for a quick breather.

“What did I tell you about pushing her?” Sango asked Miroku, coming forward to give him a half-sympathetic rub on his arm.

“Yeah, I know.” He grimaced, turning to follow after his cousin so that she wasn’t wandering off alone. “I’ll go calm her down.”

Inuyasha pinched the bridge of his nose. “The answer you were looking for is, I’m not sixteen, seventeen years old anymore, Koga.” He sighed. “But, it does also help to have someone else to consider when making your decisions. You should try it sometime.”

“That was terrifying.” Koga admitted.

“Yeah.” Sango laughed, her cat demon companion following her forward. “That’s what you get.”

Kagome could hear the footsteps approaching, easily identifying the gait as Miroku’s, and as soon as he was close enough, she glanced over her shoulder at him. “I’m sorry I left home without telling you, and I’m sorry if that felt like betrayal, but can you please try to get over it?”

“Well, that was blunt.” He muttered. “I wasn’t betrayed, Kagome. I was worried sick. Look, stop for a second.”

“No, because then the others will catch up and I don’t want them to overhear us.”

“Okay, fine, fair enough. Just try to look at it from my point of view. Please. Our entire lives, I’ve spent looking after you. Not just after I moved in when dad and uncle died, but always. I was the one who gave you the boost on top of the counter to get the cookie jar, and then helped you down. I was the one who put a bandaid on your knee when you tripped and fell. I was the one who stood in front of you when the henchmen came to our village. I know you don’t need protecting, but I’m your older brother. Whether you need it or not, I want it for you. I like to know that you’re safe, and when I don’t, it scares me.”

“That’s very sweet, but it also sounds like you’re saying if you weren’t there to monitor the situation yourself and something went wrong, you’re going to be judgmental about it.”

“How did you get that from anything I just said?”

“‘I like to know that you’re safe, and when I don’t, it scares me.’”

Miroku grimaced. “That wasn’t supposed to be turned against me.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Miroku. I’ve said I was sorry like ten times already. I can’t go back to two months ago and change my mind, and even if I could, I wouldn’t. You can be mad at me all you want, I completely understand, but can you please try not to take it out on Inuyasha?”

“I didn’t take it out on him. I asked him a simple question.”

Kagome stopped walking then, pinning him with a stare that read right through his weak facade.

“O-okay,” He babbled awkwardly. “So, it was less simple and more a question that put him on the spot. I met the guy yesterday, Kagome. I don’t know him yet, so if he’s telling me he’s ensured your safety but Koga’s telling me you almost died, I feel like I have the right to -“

“Be judgmental?” She interjected, walking again.

“No.”

“He never said that, anyway. He’s contributed to my safety, but no one can ensure anything. Especially out here. You said it yourself last night, you and Sango have been through the wringer, as well. How many times have you guys been really hurt to the point where you needed to lay low?”

He bobbed his head in a small motion. “A couple times.”

“Right. It’s impossible to know what to expect outside of the boundaries of home, and we’ve all had to learn that the hard way. I’m not asking you to be his best friend, I’m asking you to take common sense into consideration, and to think before you react. You cant control what happened in our separation, and you just need to come to terms with the fact that I’m fine. I know you want to protect me, and I sincerely appreciate it. I do. I want to protect you too, which was why I suggested you two go home. But, you made your choice, and as much as I wanted to fight you on it, I respected it. It’s not like you’re blind to the craziness we’re dealing with; I’m sure you’ve gotten a pretty good taste of the morbidity out here. All I’m saying is, what’s done is done. Let it be done. Stop trying to make up for lost time, and just be with me now.”

“Okay, okay, okay. I get it. I’m sorry, but I’m also not sorry. I didn’t want to upset you, but it’s sort of shocking to find out you’d almost died. You can’t blame me for responding in a manner that wasn’t exactly the most positive.”

“In my defense, you weren’t supposed to find that out.” Kagome sighed. “I’d wanted to keep that from you, and clearly for good reason.”

“Why? Why wouldn’t you want me to know that?”

“Because, that information only hurt you, Miroku. Are you telling me it’s a good thing you know now?”

“Okay, I see your point.” He finally relented.

“It’s not like I’m trying to keep secrets from you or offend you in any way. I’m just keeping my business on a need-to-know basis.”

“I understand now. I do. Is there anything else I need to know?” He gave a crooked grin to try and lighten the mood.

Kagome heard the footsteps of the rest of their group coming around the bend not too far behind them now, and she peeked over her shoulder to make sure Inuyasha wasn’t in sight. Still, to be respectful of his sensitive hearing, she chose to keep her voice low. “Yeah. The day I’d almost died, it was really hard on Inuyasha, too. He was scared he’d lost me. He’d felt like he’d failed me. So, what you said - salt in the wound, Miroku. Not cool.”

“Oh. Ouch.” His smile stiffened. Faltered. “My bad. I can’t even apologize to him, though. I take it from the way you’d whispered that I’m not supposed to know.”

“Yup. Just keep it in mind for the next time you want to act like a tough guy. You don’t know the full story. I know that’s what’s bothering you, but handle it.”

“Are you saying I’m not tough?”

Kagome stopped walking and analyzed the size of her cousin’s biceps, teasing him by pursing her lips disappointedly as she pinched the muscle. The flicker of her brown eyes up to his said it all and Miroku gasped.

“Is this what I get? Is this the treatment I get because I care about you?”

“No, it’s the treatment you get because you’ve got puny arms.”

“The audacity! You’re small, too!”

“Miroku, she stabbed a guy in the groin with an arrow yesterday. I wouldn’t say that if I were you.” Sango chimed as they all appeared down the trail.

At hearing that, Koga’s eyes went wide, aghast, and he swiftly spun around on his heel mid-step to head back in the direction they’d come in. He’d been the most recent to piss her off, so it was evident he was the one she’d have no problem turning on if he spoke out of pocket again. He’d much rather head out to find Inuyasha’s brother than stick around to potentially share the same fate as arrow-dick-guy. Before he could take another step though, Inuyasha snagged the back of his vest, dragging him along.

“Keep going, wolf. She’ll only turn on you if you pretend to be alpha.”

“Inuyasha, I am alpha. I’m literally the alpha wolf of my pack.” He murmured unnervingly to the mutt.

“I know.” He smirked. “I want to see what happens.”

“Uh,” Inuyasha heard Kagome up ahead, noticing she’d stopped walking, she and her cousin facing off to their right. From his vantage point a little down the path, he couldn’t see what they were gazing at, but he could tell there was a break in the trees right where they stood. “It’s a cave.”

“Do you sense anything?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

She was right. The scent was feint, but Naraku’s trail ended here and went inside. He could feel demonic energy, but what was disconcerting was, he couldn’t pinpoint just how dangerous it was. Even worse, from outside of the cave, he felt eyes on him. Eyes he felt would only peer harder the moment they went inside.

“You got anything to help prepare us?” Sango asked. “We haven’t faced anything belonging to Naraku yet. How strong are we talking?”

“That sword on your hip,” Inuyasha pointed. “It’s not just there for show, right?”

“No. I’m highly skilled with it.”

“Good. You’ll find it’s a valuable asset to keep you alive then. Other than that, all I can say is to stay vigilant. If Koga or I tell you to back up, you back up. We tell you to get down, you get down. Understand?”

“You two went from arguing to playing co-leaders?” Miroku asked with an arch of his brow.

“You got heightened senses?” Koga asked. “You got keen instincts?”

He scrunched his nose in regret of his remark. He was on a roll today. “No, but I’ve got nice hair and great listening skills.”

“Wonderful. Then, you’ll be just fine.” The wolf remarked with a wink, bravely leading the way inside.

“Hey, you okay?” Inuyasha checked, grabbing Kagome as he sort of forced her to walk slower and stick behind everyone with him. His arm wrapped around her shoulders as he pulled her closer to kiss her temple, her stride falling in line with his.

“I’m fine.” She dismissed. “Sorry for what he said back there.”

“Don’t be. You still mad?”

“Nah, I was more frustrated than anything. I get where he’s coming from, I just don’t know how to make everyone happy right now.”

“Don’t worry about making everyone happy, kid. He’s spent over sixty days worried about you. By now, it’s almost a learned behavior. Show him he’s got nothing to worry about. Show him what you’ve got. Just like you did with me.”

The advice made sense. It made a lot of sense. Miroku had always stood in front of her, shielded her from so much while growing up, so simply telling him no one needed to do that anymore wasn’t going to be as effective as showing him what she’d learned she could do. He hadn’t been there to see her develop into the conjurer she now was, so his absence went both ways. He was going to have to drop his need for control, and she was going to have to demonstrate her formed abilities.

In reply, she smiled and nodded, glancing up to the hanyou in appreciation. Kagome gave a little perk of her lips to silently request a kiss while he was still so near, and he grinned, leaning down to quickly give her what she’d wanted.

Inside the cave, it was dark. Ominous. Inuyasha was right, he felt closely watched. Almost studied. He jogged ahead to catch up with Koga, the hit from his boots against the cavern floor echoing off the surrounding walls.

“You feel that?”

“Yeah.” Koga agreed, blue eyes searching for the culprit. There was nowhere for anyone to hide, though. Not so close to the entrance at least. The only way to discover the source, he felt, was to delve deeper, but deeper was where it would definitely grow increasingly dangerous. A turn of events they were prepared to expect. No matter what, Koga didn’t like the feeling swimming in his gut. “Come out of hiding! You wanted us to follow you, right!? Well, here we are!”

The wolf demon’s loud voice bounced off of the walls, repeating down the chambers the cave harbored, but no one replied. No one came out from behind a rock, or a nook in the siding, no one approached, no one was there. Except someone was. Someone had to be. This was Naraku’s scent, there was no mistake of that, but for some reason, the demonic aura was so engulfing, it almost felt like they were inside of a demon, itself.

“Well, if they didn’t know we were here before, they sure do now.” Inuyasha remarked dully.

“We give off demonic energy, ourselves, dipshit. Of course, they knew we were here.”

With a roll of his amber eyes, Inuyasha trudged on beside him, remaining observant of their surroundings as they traveled through the tunnels. The deeper they walked, the more sinister the feeling became. It was like wading through a sludge of demonic energy, and that sludge was toxic and thick, almost entrapping. Still, there was no way to pinpoint the source. It was all around, and he was trying to figure out the direction of a stronger pull, but he couldn’t.

Kagome fell behind. Just slightly. Out of nowhere, a very subtle dizziness began to hit her, but she didn’t want to worry anyone. She hadn’t had much water today, so maybe she was a bit dehydrated. It wasn’t bad at all, so there was no need to bring it up or ask for a small break. Maybe it was the energy of the cave. It was putrid, that was for sure. Definitely similar to what she felt when Moryomaru was near. Vile and rotten.

That had to be it. It was just overwhelming. Kagome tried to blink her slight case of vertigo away when the tiniest ache in her head pinched right over her eyes. No one else was reacting, though. Were they not affected by this? With a deep breath and a thick swallow, she pushed it all aside. If the demons of the group, more sensitive than she, could go forward, then Kagome could, too.

The further they went, the worse it got. She found herself squinting to see straight, tensing her throat so her pained sighs wouldn’t alert anyone. Her head wasn’t consistently throbbing, but came in waves. Not even quick waves. In fact, she couldn’t grasp the pattern, sporadically coursing through and causing Kagome’s brow to crease and her nose to crinkle each time. Again, she tried to gather if anyone else was having adverse effects to the atmosphere. Koga and Inuyasha seemed relatively uncomfortable but that was the extent of it, Sango and Miroku appeared fine, and Kirara had reversed her transformation to perch in her owner’s arms. Then, Kagome’s vision blurred momentarily, and her fingers twitched. What was wrong with her?

As much as she didn’t like it, she was going to have to say something. This wasn’t going away. Something was off. She was feeling a haze drifting over her, and it almost seemed like it was legitimately clouding her vision now. Kagome opened her mouth to gather Inuyasha’s attention, but her voice didn��t seem to work. Her body stopped as they all kept going, though she hadn’t told it to. Her brain was sending signals to her legs to keep walking, to her mouth to speak, but her command seemed to be meaningless all of a sudden.

And, when she blinked that time, she opened her eyes to see the bars of a cage before her. It was pitch black all around, not a sound to be heard, not a person in sight. No longer was she dizzy, and her head pounded no more. To her right, her left, beneath her feet, and above her head, she was surrounded by metal that sealed her in. The bars were cold and didn’t budge at all when she thrusted her bodyweight into it, trying to shake the lock free.

The shock to go from behind her group to wherever the hell she was now in a split second had her shaking, her lungs pumping as a panic sprung over her. She called for Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, Koga, but no one answered. Her voice merely echoed in the darkness she was trapped in, the rattling of her cage from her forceful jerks against the bars hitting her ears over and over as the sound bounced off of walls she couldn’t see.

When she heard someone speaking, Kagome held her breath. Ice pebbled her skin. The voice was that of a child’s, a young boy’s, yet it held the underlying hint of menace. It was like she could sense the smile he wore, the enjoyment on his tongue, but he wasn’t talking to her. What he was saying, it didn’t make sense.

Inuyasha felt a spike, and both he and Koga stopped immediately. Ominous energy no longer filled the air. It was focused now. It was heavily concentrated in one spot. Behind them. The hanyou turned around to scour the open area they’d reached deep within the cave, spotting no one that didn’t belong, but then his stomach unexpectedly sank. It dropped so low, he thought he was going to be sick. The threat they were feeling, it was coming from Kagome.

She stood there, her hands raised up as she steadily moved her fingers one-by-one, her expression blank. He could hear the smallest mumble coming from her lips, but what she was saying, even he couldn’t make out. A sense of dread was overcoming him. Why was he feeling this? Even Koga seemed struck, confounded, saying nothing, but instead, actually taking a step away. The evil, it was growing. Evolving.

Miroku and Sango had turned to look, and Miroku was quick to notice something was wrong with his cousin, but as he went to step forward, Inuyasha hastily reached for his collar, pulling him back.

“Kid?” He cautiously asked. Kagome didn’t even look up from her hands. “Kagome?”

After a moment, she sighed and shook her head, her dark tresses fluttering around her shoulders. She made a few more subtle sounds from her mouth, the only clear word Inuyasha gathered being, “testing.” Otherwise, it was almost like she was learning to speak, clicking her tongue once or twice to discover how to make audible noise. Her brown eyes wandered around the large cavern, blinking as if to adjust to the dull light in the cave, panning over them, up, and then coming back to land on him.

“Kagome.” He tried again, this time more seriously. His heart was pounding as it would in the face of an enemy, his instincts were ready for an attack, but everything felt wrong. This was Kagome. This was his Kagome. He wasn’t supposed to feel this with her; it was all wrong.

Her plush lips parted, and a breathy, “huh,” was released. Her voice was high, sweet, and a timbre she rarely used.

Inuyasha let go of her cousin, knowing he was staying put now, and his fists clenched at his sides. Worse, Tessaiga began to quiver in its sheath, calling for his attention. It only did that in dire situations. It only asked to be released when he neglected to recognize it needed to be wielded for his own protection. It was wrong. It had to be malfunctioning because of the weird aura.

“Oh,” She sighed again, beginning to speak more clearly from then on. “There it is. Finally. That was tough - she’s a tough one.”

“Kagome -“ Sango tried.

“That’s not Kagome.” Inuyasha said, cutting her off.

A smile began to curl at her lips, and it scared him. It scared Inuyasha. It was crooked, arching more in one corner before it expanded on the other end, and her tongue tipped out between her teeth in a playful manner that made his blood go cold. That wasn’t Kagome’s smile, that wasn’t the grin he loved so much. Even Miroku twitched agitatedly at his side, stepping away before he looked at him with disturbance hindering the glow in his eyes.

“What’s wrong with her?” Miroku asked.

“What?” Kagome leaned her head to the side. “Don’t you recognize me…?” Her voice trailed off at the end as she nibbled her bottom lip. “Miroku?”

She seemed unsure of the name she spoke.

“Or, are you Miroku?” She asked, pointing to Koga, ending with a frustrated groan as she tapped her head. “Hang on, it’s a little jumbled in here. She wont let go just yet.” A few more taps. “Come on, lady. Let it go. Ah, no, I was right. Miroku.”

“What’s going on?” He reached, jaw taught.

“And, you’re Koga.” She pointed again to the wolf demon, completely disregarding the question. “Which obviously makes you Inuyasha, and you’re Sango. Got it.”

“Who are you?” Koga asked, stoning as he nobly squared himself.

“I’m Kagome.” She giggled.

“Who are you!?” Koga repeated in a lethal growl.

“Woah. Someone’s testy.” Her smile shifted to a wry smirk. “What are you so upset for? I haven’t done anything yet.”

“Don’t make me ask you again.”

“Or what? You’ll choke me out? Kill me? Look at me, pal. Whose body am I in? If you come at me with those claws of yours, it’s not me you’ll be touching. Come on, use your brain.”

Koga didn’t rebuttal, clenching his jaw and slanting his eyes dangerously, and her gaze bounced around to gather the discomfort written over all the others’ faces. Inuyasha, in particular, seemed the worst off. His hardened features screamed his seething anger, but his golden irises communicated something much different. Something more desperate.

With a grumble in the back of her throat, one that was small and held the attitude a young teenager would, Kagome rolled her eyes and lolled her head slightly, a small stomp being given from her right foot. “You guys are no fun. I’m Hakudoshi. Duh. Who the hell did you think I was?”

“So, this is what you can do? Mind control?” Koga glared.

“Way to simplify it. Don’t do me the dishonor.” Hakudoshi gestured to his entire self inside of Kagome’s body. “This is much more than mind control. I have control over her heart, brain, soul, you name it. Kagome has left the building.”

“Where is she?” Inuyasha questioned, his voice coming off husky.

Hakudoshi pointed to her head. “Right up here. She’s annoying as shit, how do you handle her?”

“Let her go. This is your one warning; let her go.” The hanyou growled. “You hold onto her, you hurt her in any way, not a single one of us will blink when it comes to ripping you apart.”

“You’d hurt your precious lover?”

“You think we don’t know your body is around here somewhere? You honestly think we’re that stupid to believe your entire entity is inside of her right now? No, you’re in this cave, we know that much.”

“But, where?” Her smile widened tauntingly. “This cave goes on for miles, and what makes you think you have that sort of time on your hands? You can go searching for me, but what’s your plan? Is someone going to play babysitter while the others go on a wild goose chase? Not a single one of you is strong enough, and that’s what’s fucking funny. Two humans and three demons against a conjurer. From the looks of it, three of you would be too sentimentally stunted, maybe four of you, and the last one - that’s you, Koga - would just get absolutely wrecked. Or, are you going -"

“Get out of her head, you stupid, fucking brat!” Inuyasha demanded, his claws biting into the heels of his palms with rage that was only building at an uncontrollable speed. How did this happen? It couldn’t have been that quick. Did Kagome feel anything weird, anything abnormal, or was Hakudoshi stealthy while he slid inside and took command.

She arched a brow at the interruption. “Well, that was rude.”

“You’re forgetting something, Hakudoshi.” Miroku spoke. “So long as Kagome is in there, she can still fight back. If one of us has to restrain her while the others go searching for you, so be it. Kagome wouldn’t allow you to hurt us.”

Hakudoshi guffawed, laughing hard as Kagome’s frame doubled over to clutch her stomach. “What!? Again, look at me! I have complete control over her!” He boasted, flailing her arms about. “This is all me, you fucking moron! Kagome can’t stop shit right now! She had just enough darkness in her heart for me to grab hold, and now the fight she’s putting up is worthless. I can utilize the knowledge and skills she’s learned by flipping a switch in her mind. If I want to kill any of you with her abilities, I can and there isn’t a damn thing you guys can do to stop me!”

“What darkness?” Inuyasha asked.

“I’ll actually entertain that question, because it was hard to find and I’m proud of myself. Apparently, holding Kikyo while she died was what did her in. Just a tiny bit. It’s been eating at her for a while now, hasn’t it? That’s not where it started, though. There was a little girl? One she failed to save, or something?” She grimaced carelessly. “I would say that created the smallest, dark spot in her heart, and Kikyo’s gory death made it about the size of a small ink stain. She’s resilient, I’ll give her that. But, not resilient enough.” That last part was almost sung while he emphasized each word of the sentence, tapping her finger in time. “All I need is an inch. So long as there’s darkness, I can take rein.”

Kagome could hear everything that was being said from within her cage, listening to this little boy speak through her. She could hear the others reply to her. It was like she was just a bystander to a conversation while she was also the main focus, and it was driving her insane. She felt completely powerless, rattling the metal bars as hard as she could, but the lock refused to give.

It didn’t surprise her to have darkness in her heart. In fact, what surprised her was how small it was. Kagome was the type of person to pick herself back up again, she never lost hope. In the era they were living in right now, darkness surrounded them, but it was what they fought for that made the difference. She knew that was what had divided her from Kikyo. She knew she’d been strong enough to avoid allowing it to take over her. But, she was human. Kagome was a human who’d been through a lot, who’d had her heart broken, who’d seen others have their hearts broken, who’d had her world turned upside down over and over. So, she wasn’t upset to know her heart had taken a hit. She was upset that her anguish was being manipulated against her.

How was she going to get out of this? Her back was bare; she didn’t have a single weapon on her. She stood in her cage in nothing but the clothes she’d donned that day, stripped of her bag, her arrows, and even her father’s blade in her boot. It was like the demon wanted her to feel as vulnerable as could be, to watch helplessly while he plotted in her own body.

Still, she shook the door of her crate, the metal hitting loudly, echoing, muting her scream as she demanded to be set free. Kagome refused to be a prisoner in her own mind, her own vessel. If he thought she was annoying now, she was going to create as much noise as she possibly could to give this guy a pounding migraine. Hopefully it would throw him off or distract him, though he seemed well versed in tuning things out. It was the best option she had until something better came along, and it was more important that she didn’t sit back and take it.

“Naraku’s not going to be too happy to learn she’s still alive.” Hakudoshi mentioned. “Though, given there was no validation of her death, he was fifty-fifty on the possibility, so maybe he’ll just do his notorious grunt before giving us our next orders to kill her. Which brings me to my next course of action. See, I honestly didn’t expect all of you guys to show up, no less the conjurer. I was trying to draw in Sesshomaru. I’ve been bored and felt like taunting him a bit, and since Naraku asked us to dispose of him, I figured I’d have some fun beforehand. Goshinki went one way, I went the other, and I was really hoping Sesshomaru would follow in my direction, but my dumbass of a brother broke his muzzle and found some villagers to eat, which stole Sesshomaru’s attention from right under me. Anyway, in you guys walk, and the moment I saw the conjurer, I couldn’t resist. Now, I’m toying with the idea of taking her back to Naraku. It’d save us both an enormous amount of time -“

“No.” Inuyasha rumbled.

“-and he can choose whether to keep control over her and use her to gain the power he’s always wanted, or kill her on the spot and remove any inconsequential threat she thought she ever was.”

“Like hell!” He barked.

“Right, right. Of course, you object. That’s to be expected, but it brings us around full circle. Obviously, you all were going to die the moment you set foot in this cave. No matter what, Sesshomaru and the wolf were going to be goners today, and Koga made our jobs a hell of a lot easier by bringing Inuyasha along. The rest of you are just bonuses, I guess. The thing about me is, I’m not really the, um, remorseful type.” Kagome leaned her head to the side, the smallest smile curling her lips. “I like it when people scream. Watching blood seep from wounds excites me more than anything I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t have imagined a better scenario. Now you all get to die by the hands of someone you care so much for.”

“Kagome.” Sango stepped forward, a valorous pinch to her brow appearing. “Kagome, you have to fight harder. I know you’re in there, I know you can hear me. Kick his ass. Push him out. Push him out.”

Kagome’s eyes were on Sango now, and for a moment, her expression had completely fallen. Her lips were straight, brow was uncreased, and her entire body had stilled. Then, she dropped her gaze, a shudder running over her, and a pout formed so fully that her chin quivered.

“S-Sango?” Kagome trembled.

“Kagome!” Her friend called urgently. “We’re all right here! We know you can do it!”

“It’s so cold.”

“Keep fighting! Keep -“ A flash of heat ran through Sango’s veins when she stopped, realizing Kagome’s frown had crumbled and it seemed like she was pinching back her laughter. Gradually, her stomach shook with amusement and a snort came through her nose, giving in to the one-sided humor of the situation as she laughed.

“Man, you should have seen your face!” Hakudoshi gloated. “How could you fall for that so easily!? You’re clearly not the brains of the group!”

“You’re despicable.” She said through clenched teeth.

“Thank you.” He replied with a grin.

“You guys need to go.” Inuyasha spoke lowly. “Find Hakudoshi. Kill him.”

“What’s that you’re saying over there?” Kagome rose her eyebrows in question, her head inching to the side curiously. “Trying the whole divide and conquer thing?”

“Go.”

“Inuyasha…” Miroku started, appearing more tense than he had before.

Was he expected to just run off and leave her behind? Sure, Inuyasha was strong and he and Kagome clearly cared about each other, but this was his family. This was his cousin, his little sister, being manipulated right now, and he was being told to leave her to someone else to take care of? That wasn’t going to sit right with him. It was logical that Inuyasha would be better at tending to this situation given he was stronger and faster, but Miroku was struggling with the aspect of leaving her at all.

Hakudoshi took the moment to shrug everything off of Kagome’s back, heedlessly dropping her bag to the floor before returning her quiver full of arrows where they belonged.

“Ah, that’s better.” She spoke, wiggling her shoulders freely before pulling an arrow free. “Miroku, tell me she won’t do it again.”

“You need to go.” Inuyasha insisted, giving the guy beside him a pressing look. “Get out of here.”

“I can’t leave her.”

Hakudoshi lined up the nock of her arrow with the string of her bow, utilizing Kagome’s skills by simply reaching into her brain. It didn’t matter if he had never shot before. Kagome knew how, and it was her being he inhabited. Anything she knew how to do, he was able to do as well. Pulling the string back, he leveled his aim, lining the arrowhead up in Miroku’s direction.

“Awe, let him stay, Inuyasha.”

“Look, I can’t protect you and her at the same time. It’s better if you go and find him. You need to save her.”

“Inuyasha’s right, dude.” Koga concurred. “We’ll only be in the way, and for what?”

“To help!” Miroku strongly stated.

“Where’s that arrow aimed, Miroku? You think you’re helping right now?”

“They’re right.” Sango said, backing up. “Inuyasha can handle this. We’ll be of more help if we find that bastard.”

“But-“

“I can sense your anxiety.” Hakudoshi grinned, teasing them all, adding to the tension on their shoulders. “You really think it’s gonna be that easy to find me? Do you think my body is somewhere in this cave, sitting helplessly alone? Don’t take me for a fool. Of all of Naraku’s creations, I am the genius. I am the more cunning. I am the imperceptibly strong one. You think Naraku made me a child for nothing? No. It was to deceive everyone. It was to strike more fear. You may only see your precious Kagome right now, but believe you me, you’ll be an idiot to think finding and killing me will be as easy as running off to save the day.”

“Oh, shut up!” Inuyasha commanded angrily. “The only thing you’re good at is fucking with people’s heads. You want to make us think it’s going to be difficult so we second guess or stall. Well, it doesn’t fucking matter. Either way, you’ve fucked with the wrong person.”

“Oh no, I’m shaking in my boots. Whatever shall I do?” She giggled. “I’m not just good at messing with your head, Inuyasha. Want to watch me drag you all down one-by-one? She’s yelling right now. Kagome’s trying so hard to break free, and she’s frustrated that she’s gotten nowhere. She’s beginning to lose hope. She’s really reliant on her weapons, isn’t she? Without them, she’s powerless, and boy is that catching up to her right now. ‘Inuyasha! Inuyasha, please!’” Hakudoshi called out in the exact scream Kagome was internally fighting with.

The hanyou flinched painfully, his jaw tensing, and a trembling breath left his nose. Every muscle in his body went unbelievably taut for a moment, horrified by how scared she was. He’d had to fight his instincts to protect her, because he couldn’t. He couldn’t do a damn thing for her right now except face her as she currently was.

“Miroku, she just wants to make you proud. Awe, you two have such a sweet bond, don’t you?” Hakudoshi said, violating Kagome’s mind as he discovered her thoughts, her emotions, laying them out on the table for everyone. No longer did she wear a smile. In fact, she seemed nothing short of serious now. As if hurting people was a business matter. “Grew up together, got into trouble together, lost your fathers together. The look on your face when you watched your one remaining parent die has stuck in her head for even this long. Wow, it’s so vivid, too.”

“Stop it.” Miroku muttered.

“You only held it for a moment before you realized she was looking. Then, you wiped it off and never showed it again, and she didn’t know why. But, it’s stuck with her ever since. Oh god, and your fathers went down in flames, didn’t they? Fire and bloodshed, demons everywhere, they were doomed from the start. You were trying to stop the bleeding even after your father shut his eyes. She saw you put on that brave face when it made the least amount of sense, and since then, she’s felt like she needs to put one on with you too in order to be taken seriously.”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I know her better than anyone does. She knows perfectly well that I respect her and take her seriously whether she’s got a brave face on or not.”

“Knowing her better is irrelevant, Miroku. I’m in her head. I can see everything. You want me to scream again so that you’ll believe me, or what?”

“No!” He quickly sputtered, terrified to hear her desperation again. “No.”

Hakudoshi blinked, lowering the bow and arrow Kagome held. Her plush lips were relaxed together, and her gaze lowered just for a second before he looked back to her cousin.

“Her heart’s pounding right now. She’s scared. She really doesn’t like that you’re the one I’m threatening.” He cocked a brow in speculation, and as he continued speaking, it was more to converse inward than anything. “Would you rather Inuyasha? No? Sango? No, again? Koga?” He sighed in irritation, re-stringing the arrow. “Then, silence.”

“Go.” Inuyasha urged, feeling the gravity of the situation upsurge dauntingly. “You guys need to go.”

“What are you gonna do?” Miroku inquired when Koga grabbed his shoulder and began pulling him back to continue through the tunnels.

“Whatever the fuck I can.”

“No! I’m staying with you!”

“Oh, please do.” Kagome’s voice sinisterly brushed their ears while she once more aimed.

“Miroku, I know you don’t trust me yet, but right now, you’re going to have to!” He barked, shoving Miroku away. “What the fuck are you so worried about!? If anyone’s in fucking danger here, it’s me! So, if I have to tell you to get out of my way one more fucking time, I’m gonna kick your ass!”

“Let’s go, Miroku!” Sango dropped Kirara to transform, reaching for her boyfriend’s arm to pull back.

Kagome inched her arrow back further, pinching an eye shut for better aim.

“We’ve got this, Inuyasha.” Koga promised.

Inuyasha had turned away to regard them for a split second, grateful that Miroku had finally given up his obstinance, when he felt the incoming threat. Thinking as quickly as he could, he pulled Tessaiga, the sword transforming as each inch was freed from its sheath, jutting it out to successfully block the shot that was too close to hitting Miroku in the back.

In his peripherals, he’d caught Kagome waver. Her head had notched to the side and her hands twitched. Her face had twisted almost painfully, but before long, her deadly stare was back. As if it had never left.

“Oh, you’re fast!” Hakudoshi grinned.

Tessaiga transformed when defending against her arrow. It had been calling for his attention on his hip. No. He was almost scared to see if his hunch was true, but he had to. Turning back forward, Inuyasha squared, holding Tessaiga in the direction Kagome stood and watching as it stayed transformed, swirling with energy that should have died off. As if betrayed, he nearly dropped his sword to the ground. It was detestable, compromised, ruined, wrong. Tessaiga didn’t work against Kagome. It wasn’t supposed to. He’d figured out a while ago that it was meant to aid her. It was meant to protect her. Fate was a funny thing, and it managed to tell him he was born to be by her side, not opposing her.

“Inuyasha.” Miroku whispered apprehensively.

The hanyou slid his sword back into its sheath, and then removed the sheath entirely from his belt, tossing it to the side. “Go. I promise, I won’t hurt her.”

Finally, he heard them run off, the sound of their feet fading down a corridor as they rushed to find Hakudoshi. There was a chance. Before, her fidgeting, that was Kagome trying to regain control. It had to be. Hakudoshi had almost struck her cousin, of course she was going to object powerfully. Inuyasha could reach her, he was confident of which. It was going to be tricky, but it was possible. She was conscious in there.

“So, it’s lover versus lover, is it?”

“Kagome.“

“You realize you’re part demon, right?”

“Baby, I know you’re giving it your all right now, but you’ve gotta put in a little more effort.”

“All I have to do is flip that switch in her brain to use her conjurer abilities.”

“Push him out, kid.”

“It won’t even take a lot. You’re only half demon, so with the power coming from her, I’d say ten percent would be enough to do you in. Twelve percent to be safe. Six percent if I want you to suffer.”

“Come on, kid. Fight.” Inuyasha pushed.

“Oh, give it a rest.” The grumble in her voice was deep, another octave she rarely used. “All you’re doing is agitating her; you’re not helping her any. What is this? You think some motivational speech is all you’re gonna need to save her life? Or, is it your own life that you’re more worried about?”

Inuyasha could barely fight his glower. It felt off giving it to Kagome, but it wasn’t Kagome it was intended for. It was Naraku’s minion. Hakudoshi was lucky it wasn’t he going after him, because Inuyasha would make his death agonizing. As if he didn’t already hate Kagome being touched as it was, she was now being held captive from the inside. He wanted Hakudoshi to beg for forgiveness before he ended his meager existence.

At the exact same time that Koga had sensed something was off, Kirara gave a low growl of warning, reinforcing the wolf demon’s decision to stop immediately. The further they’d gone down the corridors, the darker it had become, and the drip of water echoed loudly in a cavern up ahead. Quickly assessing it, Koga could tell there were no living beings anywhere near, but that somewhere in the cave was another dangerous demon. It was either Hakudoshi’s body or the fucker wasn’t lying earlier.

“There may actually be someone else here. With him.” Koga mentioned to the others.

“Are we near them?” Sango asked.

“No. I can’t tell where they are, but the further we get from Kagome and Inuyasha, the more clear their energy is becoming.”

All he smelled was Naraku, though. Which meant, no matter what, they were going up against an underling. Considering he was traveling with two humans, Koga almost wished they were facing an off-brand demon. These were like mini bosses before the big boss, and Koga just wasn’t sure how skilled these humans were with the weapons belted to their sides. Would they pull through and be actual assets to him, or was he about to have to keep their lives in tact while facing a direct descendant of Naraku, himself?

“Stay close. Follow orders. You go against anything I say, I’m knocking you out myself so I don’t have to deal with saving your sorry asses. Got it?”

“Who died and made you king?” Miroku grimaced.

“The previous leader of my clan.” Koga snorted.

Miroku and Sango exchanged a bemused look before shifting back to Koga.

“I’m the leader of the wolf demon pack. That may mean nothing to you, but let it mean something here. I know how to look out for people, I know how to make quick decisions in the heat of battle, and I know how to make the best calls. We’re all fighting for the same thing, right? So keep up and don’t hold me back.”

“How about, you don’t hold us back.” Sango countered, slanting her eyes brazenly. “There. You wanted a challenge, right? You wanted to make sure we weren’t submissive and weak? Well, go ahead. Lead the way, King Wolf Demon. We’ve got your back.”

“How far ahead do you think they are?” Miroku inquired, gazing into the dark shadows in front of him.

“Not sure.” Koga replied, impressed by the boldness of the woman. She was gutsy, he could grasp that much. “It helps that Hakudoshi’s presence isn’t hanging over us anymore. Now that it’s centered, whomever’s with him is standing out.”

“You can’t follow their scent?”

“I only smell Naraku, but it’s all over the place. It’s like they’ve touched every fucking wall in this maze to throw us off.”

“They probably have.” Sango agreed. “It would be a good reason to back up Hakudoshi’s arrogance regarding our difficulty finding him.”

“So, we go forward, right?” Miroku asked.

“Only way to figure out where the scent gets stronger. Be on your guard.”

Kagome was protesting as hard as she could, wrestling, yelling, trying to break the lock on her cage. Hakudoshi was reaching back to equip another arrow, and he was moving agonizingly slowly. His way of taunting both she and Inuyasha with the threat.

“Stop it!” She demanded. “I won’t let you hurt him!”

But, she went ignored. Time and time again, she went ignored. What did she have to do? What had she done earlier to make Hakudoshi’s control falter when he’d shot at Miroku? She was frantic and scared, and she was resisting. She was resisting, and that resistance was like the spark of a flame in the kindling. While she pulled back, there was a thump in her core that pushed forward, but what was it? How did she fan the spark to grow into flames? How did she do it again?

“What would you do if I spoke to you entirely like I was Kagome from this point forward?” Hakudoshi asked, aiming an arrow at Inuyasha.

The hanyou didn’t answer. The bastard would have him dead in a second if he didn’t think up a plan, and he needed to be quick. He’d need to dodge and then he’d need to disarm him. That was the best course of action. Pinning her down would be second. He had to believe that the rest of the group would pull through, would kill the brat and free Kagome. Until then, he was going to have to do everything he could to survive, which may very well be as difficult as facing Kagome in the flesh. He knew what she could do, and this child was inside of her putting her skills to the test. Against him. If he really could utilize her conjurer powers, Inuyasha would have to be incredibly careful. It was ironic to think about, a demon using conjurer powers, but wasn’t something he was willing to underestimate. Technically, he was just possessing her, not completely encapsulating her body as it was easy to assume. Which meant, Hakudoshi probably wasn’t all talk.

“Her mannerisms are right here.” He pointed to her head, nearly nicking her flesh with the arrowhead. “Oh, whoops.” He flinched too casually, cringing at his mistake.

Inuyasha had had to tense rigidly to avoid reacting. He couldn’t feed into Hakudoshi’s bullshit. It would egg him on. It could potentially cause him to actually hurt Kagome, and Inuyasha refused to allow that.

“So, anyway, what’s your plan? You really gonna fight Kagome? Or are you gonna take every hit she throws at you?” When Inuyasha neglected to answer, she shrugged her brows. “Silent treatment, huh? I bet you wouldn’t ignore your girlfriend.”

Her expression softened, brown eyes shimmering as they always had as a very soft curve appeared on her lips. When she spoke then, it was in her natural tone, and it struck Inuyasha directly in the heart. “I understand if you can’t fight me. This is scaring me, too. But, can you do me a favor?”

It took everything in him not to respond, but he’d failed to keep all of his reflexes at bay. His amber eyes flickered away and his frown deepened momentarily before he forced himself to look back at her. Whatever existed of Kagome’s smile had shifted as she now worried her bottom lip between her teeth, and her gaze had fallen to the rocky floor beneath their boots.

“Inuyasha, I really don’t want to hurt you.” She tremblingly admitted. “Kill me before I do. I can’t stop him. I’m trying so hard, but I can’t stop him. So, you have to stop me.”

“No!” He growled. “Stop it! Hakudoshi, stop it!”

“Baby, please.”

His stomach clenched painfully.

“Why can’t I break free? What do I do?”

“God fucking dammit, stop it!” Inuyasha slammed the heels of his palms into his temples.

Kagome began to walk closer, and the hanyou had to remind himself to take a step back. The aura coming off of her, the threat, it wasn’t hers and it was to be heeded. This wasn’t his girl he was up against; he couldn’t be fooled so easily. But, each step away from her was physically painful. He was supposed to be protecting her, but he was refusing her quivering form.

“Why won’t you let me near?”

“Knock it off already!”

“You have to promise me that you wont let me hurt you.” She whispered.

“Hakudoshi!” He back stepped again.

With a small groan, the demon relented. “Fine. This will be more fun, anyway.” He said, making Kagome grin as she lunged to attack Inuyasha.

Swiftly, he grabbed her wrists to protect himself, flinching back when she’d almost cut his face with the arrow. Getting her to drop the bow was easy, but her grip on the sharper object was white-knuckled and fierce. Already, he knew his hold on her was too strong, but he couldn’t let go just yet. He could feel the danger levels spiking, which made him believe Hakudoshi was legitimately using her conjurer powers. If he didn’t make her drop it soon, if Hakudoshi cut him, he could be severely hurt, and then what? Lose Kagome? Allow his death to sit on her shoulders? Neither were going to happen.

“Kid, keep fighting for me, okay?” He said directly to Kagome, thrusting her back against the cavern wall to smack her hand against the uneven rock. Finally, her grasp relented and the arrow slipped from her fingers.

“Remember when Naraku was holding me over the cliff?” Hakudoshi continued his charade, speaking as if he were Kagome again. “Just before I was thrown over, I wanted to tell you that I loved you. I didn’t want to die without you knowing.”

“Stop it!”

“And, I know you know now, but I feel like I should remind you.”

No, no, no. He couldn’t hear that. Hakudoshi or not, he didn’t want that tainted in this moment. They said those words so rarely, spoke their feelings through actions and other versions of affectionate discourse, but whenever that phrase did come out, he didn’t want it to throw him right back into this incident. He wouldn’t have it taken away from them. He was frenetic to shut Hakudoshi up.

He’d acted without thinking. It was a natural impulse, and before Inuyasha knew it, his knee was being thrusted up into Kagome’s diaphragm. She doubled over with a violent cough, her breath coming raggedly, unevenly, struggling at first until Hakudoshi started laughing with saliva dribbling over her lower lip.

Inuyasha had backed away in unrestrained regret, holding his hands out at his sides as if they’d abused their privileges. How could he? He’d hurt her.

“Holy crap, dude.” Hakudoshi guffawed, and Kagome’s voice both caressed and defiled his ears. He wished the possession changed her tone to the child’s. It was painful to hear her be talked through, no matter how out of character it’d been or not. “You really kneed her. That wasn’t even a warning tap either, that was a full on hit!”

“Fuck, baby! Fuck! I’m so sorry!”

“What kind of abusive boyfriend are you?” He asked, standing straight.

“Oh, fuck off!” Inuyasha ground out, setting his jaw irately. “You can’t get under my skin with that shit.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Hakudoshi bobbed her head. “Only, ‘I love you’ will do the trick.” She grinned tauntingly, picking up her foot to pull out the knife in her boot.

Kagome slowed down a moment. Too long, she’d been fighting the restraints of her bars and it was getting her no results. She needed to take a minute to analyze the situation, no matter how difficult it was to do right now. It was easier to let her nerves get the better of her, to keep fighting and struggling, but it was fruitless and Inuyasha needed her to come back to him.

She looked closer at the lock keeping her closed inside the cage. So many times, she’d kicked it with everything she had, applied her entire bodyweight into it, and the only thing she’d achieved in doing so was creating loud clanks to echo in the darkness she currently resided in. The lock didn’t look to have received any damage whatsoever. That was impossible. It should have at least sported a dent, or a nick. Something. This was getting her nowhere. Why?

Because, she wasn’t shut in by a key. Of course. She was confined by demonic energy. She’d been so heavily consumed by Hakudoshi’s that she hadn’t even been able to feel the power engulfing the thick, black padlock. That being said, she still wasn’t sure how the hell she was going to get out of there. Yet again, she was held back by her inability to transmit spiritual power into her hands.

That wasn’t going to work for her right now. Kagome had no other options. She couldn’t wait for an alternative to appear, because nothing ever would. She was going to bust out one way or the other, and this was how. Hakudoshi had no right to threaten Inuyasha with the power that was hers. It was hers. And, she was going to use it exactly as she willed.

Koga’s heart was beating hard, his lungs were pounding. It felt like they’d been traveling through the cave for way too long and only ended up turned around, but before he’d even sensed it, Kirara caught onto something to their right. She led the way, her hackles raising, her growl growing more violent when they finally found the right path. Koga felt it, too. Up ahead was a threat waiting for them. Literally waiting.

“For a while there, I honestly thought you’d never find us.” A woman spoke, her arms crossed over her center. “The child’s been out for half an hour now? Forty-five minutes? Were you guys walking or something?”

For a quick moment, Koga took in the sight before them. They were in another opening, one just a smidge more narrow than the other they’d left Inuyasha and Kagome in. Water had leaked in through the cave ceiling, coating the ground in puddles all around, the drip loud to his ears. The woman in front of them, she was tall. More interesting, she looked to be about as done with anyone’s shit before anything had even happened. It was like the expression of annoyance was forever etched into her skin, her eyes naturally slanted in that manner. Her hair was brown, medium-length, worn half up in a twisted bun that a white feather decoratively stuck out of. Red painted her lips, nearly matching her bold irises, and along her body, she wore a plain, black dress that dipped down low in the center of her chest.

On the floor at her side, a young child slumped in his seat. His hair was white, long, untamed. He was unconscious and still he managed to give Koga the creeps. Nothing more needed to be studied about him. That was Hakudoshi.

“Kagura?” He asked, just to be sure.

“Don’t try to be my friend just because you know Sesshomaru.” She shook her head, rolling her eyes. “I’m still under orders to kill you and protect this freak.”

“Because of Rin?”

“Because of Naraku.”

“Because he has Rin?”

She sighed out heatedly, shaking her head in irritation again. “You clearly already know the answer to that, so why are you asking?”

“Don’t you think it’d be easier to save her if we knew where Naraku was?” Koga tried, carefully stepping forward with a subtle hand gesture for Sango and Miroku to hang back. “Give me something that I can pass on to Sesshomaru. Better yet, come with us. We -“

“Stop.” She ordered abruptly, and it was said in a tone that brought Koga to listen. Very slowly, very steadily, she shifted her head from left to right, her scarlet eyes never parting from his azure. It was her way of conveying something she couldn’t say out loud, but whether he understood was up to him. Hakudoshi wasn’t completely unconscious; he could still hear everything. The last thing she wanted was him bringing anything back to Naraku, and that fucking rat would. “Back up.”

“I don’t want to fight you.” Koga admitted, following her gaze as she glanced over to the child’s limp form, then back up. What was she telling him?

“Then, this’ll be easy.” She said. This guy had to be as daft as they came. There was only one way to make this painfully obvious, so careful of the ruffle of her clothing, she grabbed her ear and once more looked at Hakudoshi. That seemed to do the trick. Koga stiffened slightly, nodding in comprehension.

“Kagura, what am I supposed to tell Sesshomaru?”

“Nothing.” She frowned. “You aren’t leaving here today. So, I suggest you fight, or you’ll die in shame.”

As Hakudoshi lunged at Inuyasha, Inuyasha had to be quick to grab Kagome’s wrist again. He couldn’t afford to be conscientious or apologetic right now. He had to disarm her and pin her down. Swiftly, he stepped a leg behind her ankle, shoving her back to throw off her balance, and dropped down to the floor with her. He tried smashing her hand against the ground to make her fingers release their grip on the blade, but they actively refused. She held onto the knife for dear life, and Inuyasha had to shove the worry that his clutch was bruising her to the back of his mind.

“The first time we made love -“

“No! Shut up!” Inuyasha demanded, silencing her sweet voice. “Get out of her head!”

“Make me.” She rumbled seductively, the switch in her timbre nearly giving him whiplash. “Of course, that brings us to the third time we made love.”

“Fuck you.” He growled, pinning her still as she tried to buck him off. “Those are intimate moments between she and I.”

“Not anymore.”

Inuyasha thrusted her hand along the ground again, fighting against her incessant battle to stab him, but still she clung to the dagger with a grasp that would not yield. He was just going to have to pry it away from her, then.

It was difficult, but his main focus had to be her dominant arm. He couldn’t let go of it whatsoever, so he had to figure out a way to use his hand that restrained her left. Dragging it down, despite her opposing struggle, Inuyasha managed to capture it beneath his knee, freeing his own hand to force her fingers to release the knife. She’d given a jolt and the sharp blade clipped his palm, making the hanyou hasty to retract back.

“Man, I really messed that up, didn’t I?” Kagome giggled. “I’ll admit, it’s hard to multitask. This lady’s got it down to an art.”

There was no conjurer power that backed up her attack, and Inuyasha got fucking lucky. His hand was seeping blood now, but he didn’t have time to even think about it. It was actually working in his favor. The more blood that got on her hand from his prying, the more slippery her grip became. Finally, Inuyasha stole the dagger away, dropping it to the side of his leg as he quickly rolled her over to her stomach.

God, he’d forgotten how fast she could be. Immediately, Kagome was pushing up against him, and he’d barely been able to really define his dominance. He had to apply his knee to her back to shove her back down while he expeditiously scooped the arrows from her quiver and threw them out of reach.

“You fucking jackass!” Hakudoshi protested on a wheezy breath.

Inuyasha removed his knee, realizing his bodyweight was hindering her breathing, and everything else was by pure instinct. He’d jerked one hand behind her back, hiking it up so she had limited use of her shoulder, and took a solid grip in her hair. Maybe he’d gotten too lost in the moment, too aggressive. He could feel how forcefully he was pinning her down, feel her cheek scrape against the rock, but it wasn’t until she cried out that he slackened.

“Ow. Inuyasha, you’re hurting me.” Kagome moaned.

“Shit!” It was reflex, his reaction to let her go. But, he shouldn’t have been so precipitous. He hadn’t realized her free hand had reached for the blade he’d thoughtlessly dropped so close. Kagome rolled over nimbly, and Inuyasha hardly had time to react. She swung the dagger at him, and he was incredibly fucking grateful it was in her non-dominant hand, because it was held at an angle that gave him the advantage to jump away without harm in the nick of time.

“Wow, you really are weak for her.” Hakudoshi commented, rising to Kagome’s knees. “If you don’t wisen up, those emotions will be the very thing that kill you.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Inuyasha responded, wiping the blood from his hand on his pant leg, a vain effort as he felt more warm liquid cover over the burning wound. He had to ignore the angry spot on her cheek he’d caused, one that went right over the small scrape she’d received the day before, making it larger, darker.

“You know, maybe I’m going about this all wrong. Maybe I’m attacking the wrong person.” Kagome smiled mischievously.

Immediately, Inuyasha knew where Hakudoshi’s thought process was headed and he stiffened.

Steadily, Kagome lowered the knife to her thigh, scratching the blade against the texture of her pants. “What if I -“

He’d moved promptly, he had no choice. He went to pin her down again, to steal the dagger from her grasp once more. He was going to throw it so far away that it’d be lost in the shadows and worthless to find in the depths of a struggle. But, Hakudoshi got the better of him that time. Inuyasha hadn’t established proper form, and Kagome bucked her hips upward, tumbling his balance and rolling him over.

Good fucking god, she was strong. He was hanyou, he had formidable strength, and yes, the fear of hurting her was drastically holding him back from doing anything too impetuous, but he was now in a pressing conflict. The knife was inches from his throat, and she was pushing all of her weight down into him. Inuyasha was lucky he was quick enough to stop it in time from stabbing him through, and now he was fighting to keep her lifted so she didn’t succeed.

“Kagome, baby!” He called warily. “I could really use your help right about now!”

“Kagome says to suck a dick.” Hakudoshi grinned.

“Kagome!” His options were limited. Rolling her off of him was a feeble choice if she still had the fucking knife, though it gave him an opportunity to pick himself up and create space. There was the potential that she’d be faster in that sort of predicament, and that obviously needed to be taken into consideration. He desperately needed to disarm her and he needed to act quickly, because she was bouncing her weight down on the dagger now in an attempt to wear out his muscles.

His best option was to take her by surprise. He needed a split second, that was all. He had no choice, and he would make up for it in whatever way that he could later. For now, Inuyasha fixed his grip on her hands holding the knife with one palm, trusting the strength in his arm, and with the one he now freed, he slapped Kagome in the face with what was absolutely too much vigor. But, it worked. Hakudoshi was discombobulated for an extremely brief moment, a gasp leaving her lips, eyes wide from the jolt of it, and Inuyasha utilized the time to push Kagome back and rip the knife from her fucking hands, throwing it in a direction unknown even to him.

Hakudoshi began thrashing against Inuyasha. He hit him back, he scratched, he laughed wickedly, and it was difficult for the hanyou to take hold of Kagome’s wrists again with how wild Hakudoshi made her flail. Inuyasha was trying. He was sorely trying to get her under control, only really failing to block one good hit from her, and when he’d thought he had a forearm in his grasp, Kagome sprung off of him, ripping herself free to run toward something.

He rolled himself over and pushed himself up, his body going insurmountably tense in response to what he was facing that his gasp was silent and nothing more than a hitch in his chest. Hakudoshi had snagged an arrow and her bow, and was inching it up to aim at him. Kagome’s smile was one of victory, her bottom lip stained with blood he’d caused her to bleed.

She was furious. She was screaming. She was desperate and frantic. This was her body, and Kagome had no control over it. This was her mind, and it wasn’t listening to a thing she was saying. What caused her stomach to ache painfully was that she could feel Hakudoshi pulling her spiritual power, rounding it up, saturating an arrow as he aimed it at Inuyasha. Hakudoshi had the upper hand, she could practically see it, and her panic was beginning to overwhelm every inch of her.

“Inuyasha, run!” Kagome cried, but unsurprisingly, she went unheard. Until Hakudoshi had the audacity to tease by repeating it. His tone held no inflection. It was said casually, carelessly.

“Inuyasha, run.”

“Please! Run!”

“Please. Run.”

“No.” He replied gruffly, and Kagome froze, realizing he was replying to her. “I won’t leave without you.”

Hakudoshi inched her arrow back to create a tauter string, and she could feel that he was about to release it. No. No!

Feeling helpless, Kagome shook the bars of her cage again, frenzied enough to try anything to save him. She was hot all over, her heart was pounding erratically, her mind was racing a mile a minute.

“Stop!” She screamed. “Stop it!”

This wasn’t supposed to be happening. This was her body, dammit. This was her mind, this was her heart, this was her ability. Why wouldn’t her powers work for her? Why would they never work this way? She’d been trying to burst the lock, and nothing. Failure was not an option right now, she needed to recondition her strength.

Protect yourself for me, my little bird. Keep it in its cage.

Her father. His words. It rang so relevant right now that it hurt. She was nothing but a little bird trapped in a cage, but it was the most unsafe she’d ever felt. Her papa thought it’d be her salvation, to hide away, but this was irony at its worst. The fact of the matter was, her powers weren’t what put her in danger. It was the people around her. The people against her. Locking her gifts up to defend herself had been the counterintuitive option all along.

“They’re mine, Hakudoshi! Stop!” He was about to shoot and Kagome was terrified, shouting so loud that her voice broke. “They’re my powers! You can’t use them!” She rattled her cage defiantly, feeling a pull in her abdomen that helped her push against her restraints. “They’re mine! Not Midoriko’s, not Kikyo’s, not yours, they’re mine!” Hakudoshi released his shot. “Get out!”

Inuyasha grunted, the sharp strike of her arrowhead piercing the right side of his chest, causing him to stumble backwards a few feet until he hit the wall. There was nothing in her arrow. He was dealt nothing more than a painful blow through his flesh. Still, he found himself holding his breath anxiously. Her powers would have taken effect by now, right? The tail of the weapon stuck out in front of him, and he watched it to see if it would disintegrate. When nothing happened for thirty seconds, Inuyasha nearly slumped in relief.

There it was, she could feel it. Hakudoshi’s hold on her was destabilizing. Warmth radiated from her being, and Kagome urged it to grow. He was trying to reattain his control, like hands slipping over an oil-slicked rope, but she couldn’t allow that. The fire charred the kindling in her core and raged violently within her. It hurt, but she didn’t care. She let it expand through her veins, through her flesh, through her fingertips.

“Get out!” She repeated vehemently, doubling over as she vividly visualized the demon expelling from her soul. “GET OUT OF ME!”

Inuyasha watched Kagome’s frame fold, falling to her hands and knees as unrestrained grunts and groans left her mouth. Her fingers raked against the rock beneath her, and letting go of a cry, she stumbled down to her forearms with a wild tremor that racked her entire body.

“Kid?” He spoke through heavy breaths from his lungs.

“Get -“ She was fighting. She was pushing so hard, and he felt a manic energy soaring from her that greatly intimidated him. Kagome was giving more than what she had to free herself that her voice came out low and throaty, like she was forcing her words out while her body was battling intensely that it was nearly impossible to use her vocal cords. “Get out!”

It was her. Inuyasha’s stomach twisted achingly, desperately needing to support her, to be next to her. “Kagome!”

He ripped the arrow from his chest, clenching his throat to swallow the pained moan. It was unimportant in retrospect. Fuck his discomfort, he had more critical things to worry about right now. Inuyasha pushed himself from the cavern wall, sprinting over to Kagome’s crumpled body and skidding to his knees.

“Don’t touch me!” She screamed at him, and the hanyou went rigid. His hands hovered just inches above her back, twitching as he struggled with himself to listen to her.

“Kagome, it’s me!”

“It’ll hurt you! My power! It’ll - It’ll hurt you!” She claimed through choked exhales.

It was emanating from her. That’s what he was feeling. He may not be able to see it, but she was shrouded in her conjurer strength, seemingly able to do what she’d never been able to before as she fought back against Hakudoshi.

“He won’t -“ Kagome released a wrenching sob, trying to pick herself up to her hands but collapsing back down. “He won’t let me go. He’s still here.”

“Keep going, baby!” Inuyasha encouraged, dropping his palms to the earth while staying as close as allowed. “Fight him! You can do this!”

“Get out!”

“You can do this!”

Kagome whimpered through the engulfing and searing heat of the flames, taking as deep a breath as she could muster in an effort to fan the fire and keep it growing. Blinking open her eyes, she could see how vibrant the lavender of her power was, appearing like a legitimate blaze from her skin. At this point, Hakudoshi’s presence was barely lingering. She needed to be diligent to make sure there wasn’t an ounce of him left in her soul. If she wasn’t thorough in getting all of him out, he could potentially seep back in to take rein of her again.

Never. She wouldn’t allow it. She was going to make him regret ever taking her hostage, she was going to make him regret ever using her against her people.

“Let me go!” She demanded, slamming her fist against the ground.

“Good, Kagome! Fight him! You’ve got this!” Inuyasha shouted.

He was in her heart. He was clinging to the small fleck of darkness that’d been created from the times she’d endured, his grimy hands slipping but catching, slipping and catching again. Kagome tensed her breath then, concentrating her strength there as it torched and incinerated whatever presence he left within her. It was overkill, but it was necessary. She felt like she’d inhaled smoke, coughing and sputtering when she finally breathed again, but that was it. She was freed.

Hakudoshi was gone.

Inuyasha felt her powers calm, but didn’t reach for her just yet. Gradually, the stiffness in her muscles noticeably decreased. Kagome was gasping in air, her back excessively rising and falling with how her lungs pumped, but progressively, her body was relaxing.

“Kagome?” He whispered.

She couldn’t help the chuckle of relief that left her mouth, or the way her arms refused to work with her, failing to even try and pick herself up. Her head went from the balance on her forearm to the hard surface of the ground as her rear sank back to rest against her legs. It didn’t matter that her head scraped along, nothing mattered in that moment. She was too fatigued to care, or feel pain, or worry about anything more.

Extremely sluggishly, Kagome reached out with one hand, blindly feeling around for Inuyasha. He was still there, she could sense him, but words weren’t coming to her right now. All she wanted was his touch. She wanted to feel his warmth, his callouses. With her opposite hand, the side she’d yet to try, the side she’d assumed he had to be closer to, Kagome turned it over, sliding it out in the hopes that he would know what she wanted.

Inuyasha swallowed thickly, hoping he was reading her right. She was searching for him, wasn’t she? With her hand opened for him, he slid his fingers within, feeling the sweat that coated it and sighing out so deeply the moment her fingers curled to hold him there.

“Is it you?” He asked, unable to control himself any longer as he scooted closer. “Are you back?”

Kagome hummed, nodding lazily.

Inuyasha made haste to pick her up. He released her hand, grabbing around her shoulders to pull her to a sit so that she wouldn’t have to push with her defeated muscles. Her dark hair was everywhere, but she managed to sweep her arm over to fix the tresses out of her face, a small smile curving her plush and blood-stained lips. But, her eyes. Though lidded, they glimmered with tears and the earthy tones pulled him right back home.

“You did it.” He chuckled proudly, sweeping hair behind her ears as he admired her for all that she deserved. “You did it, baby.”

His fingers trembled as much as she, the ice was finally leaving his bloodstream, and Inuyasha cradled her jaw when Kagome finally got a good grasp on supporting herself. As tears fell to streak her cheeks, he gently swiped his thumbs to clean each one, careful of any sensitive marks that marred her face.

“I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Kagome leaned into his attention, uncaring of how she felt or looked while she couldn’t take her eyes from the wound in his chest. Though his shirt was black, she could still see the blood causing the cloth to stick to his skin, seeping through in a thick coating. Her fingers shakily reached for the injury she’d inflicted, stopped by his quicker hand when he grabbed her wrist and brought her knuckles up to kiss.

“I’m sorry.” She cried.

“Don’t be. You saved my ass, kid.”

“No, I -“

“You didn’t hurt me. I promise. This wasn’t you, baby, remember that.”

Feeling like she needed him or else she’d be unstable and incomplete, Kagome urgently grabbed his shirt and pulled for him, nearly losing her meager balance in the process. Inuyasha wasn’t hesitant in the least to comply. He moved closer at the same time he gathered her forward, hugging her tight while breathing her in.

“Are you okay, kid? You okay?” He rushed to ask, taking her jaw again to tilt her head to the side and analyze the blemishing of her face.

“I’m fine.” She replied.

Inuyasha swiped his thumb over her bottom lip and froze when she winced. Reflexively, Kagome sucked in her lip, finally tasting the copper as her tongue traced over the cut that bled. It must have collided against her teeth when he’d hit her. She could hear everything, she was aware of the general happenings of the fight going on, but given it wasn’t a direct reality for her, it was weird coming back to deal with the repercussions of it.

“Oh, that was a good one.” She commented, and Inuyasha immediately released her, a look of panic striking his expression. He’d almost backed away fearfully before Kagome reached for him, and she steadily pulled his hands back toward her. “No, it’s okay! Inuyasha,” She hovered one of his hands by her cheek before she nuzzled into it. “It’s okay. I promise.”

“I hurt you.” He breathed contritely.

“You didn’t do it on purpose. You were defending yourself. I’d have a problem with you if you hadn’t.” Kagome brought the other back to hold her as he had been.

Inuyasha curled into her, tilting her face again as he softly brushed a kiss to her scraped cheek. The tremble in her fingers was increasing, the shock of the situation really settling in. They rested on his forearms, her hold barely there anymore. She had to be fucking exhausted. It had to be so hard just sitting up right now. Her eyes were sunken and hooded, her smile was present but listless, her skin was pale and clammy, yet she still pushed through it all instead of collapsing and saving affection for later.

With a kiss to her forehead, he decided it was best to gather everything up. The battle wasn’t over. As much as he wanted to get her out of there, he needed to help the others, and Kagome was undoubtedly safer with him at this point.

Making sure she could support herself, he stood to find the knife he’d tossed. Thankfully, her scent was good guidance, and he was able to locate it hidden in the shadows in the distance. He fixed that in his belt before he picked up her arrows, unsurprised when he heard that grumble come from her as her stomach clenched in pain. Inuyasha made his way back calmly, smoothly, setting everything down beside him so that he could pull her hair out of the way. His hand was gentle as it stroked her back, soothing her heaves while she vomited.

“You’re okay.” He kissed her shoulder. “You’re okay, babe. You did such a good job. I’m so proud of you.”

Kagome coughed, a shuddering whimper following her discomfort, but Inuyasha continued to console her the best that he could. This was to be expected. She’d busted her ass saving them both and presented a level of power neither of them had yet to see. He’d take care of her tonight. He’d watch her carefully, he’d tend to everything she needed. Thankfully, Kaede had given them some of her medicine that helped Kagome the first time around, so she’d at least be able to sleep through the evening and fight the fever with a little help.

He helped her crawl away from the mess, whispering that he’d be right back when he walked in the direction of their kicked-aside bag, grabbing Tessaiga not too far off along the way. He pulled out the canteen of water and opened it up, ambling back and handing it over for her to sip on.

“Where is everyone? Can you smell them?” Kagome asked as she handed the bottle back over to him.

“Yeah.” He gave a small nod, replacing the lid before reaching for her arrows to drop back in the quiver over her shoulder. Her bow was within reach, so he stretched from his spot, dragging it their way. “They’re somewhere deep, but I’ll be able to find them.”

“We’ll return for the bag later.” He said, helping her to her knees so she’d be able to rise easier. Turning around, the hanyou readied himself for her to climb on his back, keeping a grasp on her hand to help leverage her up before he scooped up her rear to support her.

Thankfully, he not only had multiple scents to guide his way, but just a mile in, he could catch the sounds of fighting, of yelling. The cat demon’s roar was distinct and echoed, and Inuyasha picked up his pace.

As he got closer, he scouted out a spot to tuck Kagome in. She was already growing feverish; he could feel it through his clothing. Her part was over, she’d done more than enough. Now, he needed to protect her.

“Stay here, okay?” He whispered as she settled into her little nook. Her body was tired, and she leaned against the rocks for support.

“I want to come with you.” She said, but everything else about her communicated otherwise.

“No,” He shook his head, smiling softly while pushing her bangs from her eyes. “We’ve got it from here, kid. I’ll come back for you. I promise.”

Inuyasha leaned forward and brushed a kiss to her forehead, feeling how she subtly relaxed. “Tell me you’ll stay here. Nod.”

Kagome gave a listless nod, her face expressionless as she fully sank back now.

“Good girl.” He cooed. “I’ll be right back.”

It looked like he hadn’t taken the exact turn everyone else had. The tunnel he inhabited inclined and he came out on a ledge overlooking the scene below. There was a wind picking up in the cavern, one that only bewildered Inuyasha for a second before he pieced together who the woman facing off with Koga and Sango was. Kagura could control the wind, keeping their advances at bay while assaulting them with sharp thrusts of rocks shooting mercilessly through the air. Miroku and Kirara faced a child, a malicious grin on the little one’s face as he whipped his white hair over his shoulder.

Hakudoshi.

Taking out his sword, Inuyasha jumped from his ledge, slicing through the current Kagura flared with a wind scar that carved a passage. The moment his feet were on the ground, he raised Tessaiga over his head and slammed it down, watching Miroku get shoved out of the way by the feral cat demon as his attack went straight for the evil child. A barrier protected Hakudoshi, forcing his second wind scar to trail right over him in a circular motion before dying off as it hit the far wall.

“Long time no see, half breed.” The boy sneered.

“Inuyasha!” Miroku called. “Kagome, where -“

“She’s fine. She’s safe.” He quickly replied, amber eyes never parting from the purple ones belonging to the demon child.

“Eh,” Hakudoshi’s top lip curled cynically. “You tend to use those words lightly, don’t you.”

“Fuck you.” Inuyasha spit.

“You did quite the number on her.”

The hanyou nearly dropped his sword in his vehemence, marching forward. He could see the arrogant twitch of Hakudoshi’s mouth, thinking he had the upper hand with his barrier, but with a tightening of Inuyasha’s grip, the fang of his sword grew red and he stabbed it through. The wall around the child disappeared, and it was pleasant to watch his expression dwindle instantly. His small legs hurried to back up as he tried to rebuild another barrier, but Inuyasha went and broke that one two, reaching forward to strike his face.

“Not so tough now, are you?” Inuyasha grabbed the demon by his neck, lifting him up, ignoring the way Hakudoshi clawed at his wrist and hand to be set free.

“Kagome blames you for not saving her when she was thrown from the cliff.” Hakudoshi claimed through his clenched throat, choking but still speaking tauntingly with whatever willpower he had. “She saw you trying to grab your sword, but couldn’t understand why you weren’t able to get it because it was right there. She thinks you should have been stronger. Stronger like Koga. Like your brother.”

“No, she doesn’t.” He evenly refuted.

She’d lied. She’d never intended to stay behind and wait. Kagome just knew it was the only way to keep Inuyasha from worrying. She would be upset with herself if she didn’t do everything she could to help, and there was still some fight left in her.

At first, she’d tried climbing to her feet, but her legs shook and gave out from beneath her. Twice, she’d tried to stand, but it was no use. Not even with the wall as support was she able to walk up the incline. Just trying to pick herself up was exhausting, her stomach wringing painfully, and she’d had to pause to pass some bile. Trembling horribly, Kagome wiped her mouth clean, continuing forward on her hands and knees.

It was a strenuous path uphill, but Kagome pushed herself as hard as she could, swallowing thickly to fight through her body’s resistance. She could hear the action, she could hear Hakudoshi spewing nonsense to try and hurt Inuyasha again, and she could practically feel just how livid Inuyasha was as he faced him. She wanted to see to his end. She didn’t want to risk him getting away. If anyone needed to be disposed of in Naraku’s army, it was him. He was the termite, the demon who destroyed you from the inside out, and he was going to choke on his arrogance today.

“Kagome thinks you could have done more to save your mother.”

“You’ve lost your spark since you can’t speak through her anymore.” Inuyasha firmed his hold on Hakudoshi’s throat.

He wheezed, his voice breaking, but still he continued. “You were fourteen, you weren’t helpless. Just inexperienced and stupid. That’s no excuse. You could have helped her.”

The hanyou turned around, walking back the way he came.

“Kagome believes she would have survived if only you were full demon. Your mother would have been better off.”

“Kirara,” He called, holding the child a little higher. “Hungry?”

Tossing Hakudoshi, the saber-toothed cat leapt forward and caught him in her mouth, biting down and vigorously shaking her head from side-to-side. His screams echoed as he was mauled alive, ripped apart in Kirara’s teeth.

Kagome perched on the edge of the ledge on her knees, aiming an arrow in her bow downward. It was almost too much effort to pull the string taut, the muscles in her arms quivering horribly, but she powered through. Supplying a lethal dosage of her power into her weapon, she locked on the best she could.

“Kirara, drop him!” She ordered, and the cat was obedient to the ring of her voice. Spitting the maimed demon out, she backed away and Kagome released her shot, killing off the wicked underling of Naraku.

She’d had to catch herself before falling forward, her balance off kilter, her body weak, her stomach objecting, but she swallowed the bile the best that she could. She had everyone’s attention now and there was still one demon left.

“Kagura!” Kagome stressed demandingly. “Go! If you want to protect Rin, then go! Now! Otherwise, we’ll have to kill you, too.”

“You aren’t even going to try to ask questions?” The woman asked through a tense jaw and uneven breaths. “You’re just going to let me go? Just like that? That doesn’t seem like the wisest thing to do.”

Aggravated, Kagome pulled an arrow from her quiver in a means to challenge her attitude, aiming it in her bow. It worked. She was stopped promptly by Kagura’s quick reaction to raise her arms in way of yield.

“Alright, alright.” She murmured. Her scarlet eyes looked the countering woman over, how she was fighting just to stay up. She was dangerous. She was a force to be reckoned with, and she could tell that with nothing but a glance. Kagura was there when Hakudoshi came to, and he hadn’t been touched with her around defending him. Which meant, Kagome had pushed him out. No one had ever succeeded at doing that before. Hakudoshi was violent and sadistic. He’d make a home out of your body and then kill you while he was in it. But, when he regained consciousness here, he was pissed. Which meant, he lost. He didn’t get up as easily, either. He seemed out of breath, he carried himself as if he’d been wounded, as if his strength had been compromised, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been sent back not only with a damaged ego, but damage to his being, as well. “I hope you win, conjurer.” Kagura said before backing out, leaving the cavern.

With a breath of finality, Kagome let her hands fall to the ground beneath her, supporting her body the best she could. Spotting her cousin gazing at her with pressing concern, she gave a feeble wave, a smile containing minimal effort accompanying it as she gave a thumbs up. Miroku chuckled exasperatedly, rubbing his forehead in agitation before running his fingers through his hair.

“You said you’d stay.” Inuyasha said as soon as Kagome’s eyes glanced his way.

“Sorry.” She mouthed. Matching his tone, as light as it was, was just too much energy right now, and it was a struggle on its own not to collapse.

As if reading her fatigue clearly, Inuyasha effortlessly made his way back up to the ledge to check on her. The backs of his fingers caressed her cheeks, pushing hair from her face. She was burning up; it’d hit her hard this time. They needed to get her to a place where she could safely recuperate.

“I don’t think any of those things Hakudoshi said.” She whispered on an exhale. Her body gave the slightest sway, and Inuyasha’s hands moved to her sides to prevent her from falling.

“Shh,” He soothed. “I know you don’t.”

“I - I would never.” Kagome looked as if she were about to cry, sparring against her exhaustion to stay upright. “I think you’re perfect the way you are.”

“Kid, stop.” Inuyasha lulled. “Come on, you need to rest.”

“Is the fight over?” Her brow furrowed tight, and one of her hands pressed into his thigh as she wavered again. It was like she couldn’t feel his support. “Are there - there anymore demons?”

“No. It’s over.” He shook his head. It clicked. She was about to pass out, and at the perfect moment, Inuyasha caught her when she fell into his chest. Giving it a second, he waited. Her breathing was still there, her pulse was still beating, but she was undeniably unconscious. Honestly, it was surprising that she’d lasted this long.

With a sigh of relief, Inuyasha held her tight for just a moment longer. Everything was fine now. Her body was forcing her to rest. Kagome was going to be extremely unhappy when she woke up later, but for now, she was okay. He pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her head before adjusting her legs so he could scoop an arm beneath the backs of her knees. She was safely cradled in his hold as he stood, silently gesturing to the others that it was time to leave.

| previous chapter | <-

#inuyasha #inukag #kagome #kagome higurashi #inuyasha fanfiction #inukag fanfiction #monster #akitokihojo

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sevlgi · 4 years ago

Text

you were beautiful

requested: no

group: stray kids

pairing: lee know x fem!reader

genre: angst, questionable fluff

contents: amnesia!au, dancer!minho, receptionist!reader who can’t remember him

warnings: mentions of an accident

synopsis: There isn’t much you remember from your old life, but you know someone is missing. When he comes to find you, you have to decide how many memories of the past are worth bringing back.

a/n: lmao please give my fic a chance, i promise it’s worth a read

word count: 7.5k

Deja vu.

For the longest time, Minho hadn’t understood what the word really meant despite all of Seungmin’s attempts to explain the concept to him. He just didn’t know how something could be so familiar and yet foreign at the same time, could feel like the past despite being the present, and he definitely didn’t believe that he’d ever be able to feel it for himself.

But on a sunny Monday afternoon, being dragged to the hospital by Felix, Minho understands. He feels, and he stumbles onto his friends in front of him.

“Minho hyung, are you okay?” Changbin asks, seeing the look on the dancer’s face. He absolutely would be pushing him back, if it wasn’t for the stricken expression that currently resides on Minho’s face “Hyung?”

“It’s her,” Minho breathes out, his eyes scanning the front of the hospital for the all-too-familiar smile that he’s sure he saw. Felix exchanges a glance with Chan behind his back as Minho bounds up the stairs, panting from the exertion it took to sprint across the courtyard. “It’s Y/N, I know it is--”

Felix frowns, “Y/N? Which one? I know there’s a receptionist working here who’s named Y/N, but...”

“No, you don’t understand,” Minho interrupts, whirling back to face the 3 others. If Jisung or Seungmin were there, Minho would’ve already been ripped to shreds, but Chan, Felix, and Changbin only stare at him worriedly. “My Y/N.”

It clicks in his friends’ minds, and Changbin surges forward to yank the hospital doors open. “It can’t be,” Chan insists, though he follows the other 3 inside. “Minho, Y/N broke up with you and said she was moving to England 2 years ago.”

Shaking his head, Felix sighs, “Okay, wait. Hyung, we have to go see Jisung, the others are waiting there for us. I promise we can go and look later, okay?”

Minho opens his mouth to protest, but his phone buzzes in his pocket. Hyunjin, probably, calling to make sure that they’re on their way to comfort Jisung about his broken leg. And Minho has never hated the squirrel-cheeked boy more as he sighs and nods, following the others to the reception desk that Felix claims is two halls down.

Of course, it isn’t. “I’m sorry,” the blonde boy sighs and takes his phone out. “I’ll call-- my friend. Hang on.”

He talks lowly over the phone, and Minho has to bite down, hard, on his own lip just to keep himself from running down the hall again. But soon enough, he hears Felix laughing, exchanging hello’s with someone, and he has to turn.

As soon as he does, the thing that he assumes to be deja vu hits him again, and Minho clutches his hand to his stomach. It’s you, in the flesh-- after all, no one would be able to replicate your smile so perfectly, and no one could possibly be able to mimic a face as perfect as yours. Your hair’s different than he remembers, but it’s been years, and--

“Hi. I’m Y/N,” you introduce yourself, shaking hands with Chan and Changbin before holding your hand out to him. “I’m Felix’s friend, the receptionist.”

“Uh,” Minho manages. Something about the look on his friends’ faces tells him no, that it isn’t the right time, but he can’t exactly stop himself. “Y/N, it’s me. Minho.”

Your smile is confused now, and your hand falters in the air. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow. Have we met?”

He frowns, stepping slightly forward, though not enough to alarm you. Felix looks panicked behind you, but he’s frozen in place as Minho says, “Don’t- don’t lie to me. Y/N--”

“I’m sorry,” Chan cuts in, stepping between you and Minho. “He... he had an ex, uh, with the same name. I guess you guys look alike too.”

You still look concerned, but you pass it off with a smile and a laugh. “Oh, that’s funny. Same name, same face? If she wasn’t your ex, I’d like to meet her.”

Changbin laughs for him, tugging Minho forward. “Yeah, it’s really funny. Uh, what room is Jisung in?”

With the prompt, you turn back to Felix and affectionately punch him in the arm before leading the way. Minho’s stomach twists with jealousy; after all, there’s no way two people who look and sound the exact same exist, especially with the same name, and he can’t shake the thought that you are the one he’s been trying to forget. But you make your way to Jisung’s room soon enough, and open the door for the 4 boys. “Here you are. Come get me if you need anything,” you smile, your eyes lingering on Minho for just a second before you leave. Maybe he imagines it.

“Yo, hyungs and Felix!”

Jisung shouts loud enough to distract Minho, and he turns to find the hospital room filled with his friends. Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin are crowded onto one tiny sofa, while Changbin has started to annoy them. Felix and Chan crouch by Jisung’s side while he waves and grins at Minho. “You see what Hyunjin has done to me?”

“I did not,” the long-haired boy protests, a tangle of long limbs under Jeongin, who’s basically treating him as part of the couch. “You tried that stupid trick after Seungmin dared you, it’s not my fault.”

“Shut up, both of you, and hand me a pen,” Minho grumbles, sinking to a side beside Jisung’s elevated leg. To be honest, he wants some excuse to see you at the desk again, to listen to your voice and compare it to the one always echoing in his head, but he distracts himself. “I’m drawing a dick and you can’t stop me.”

“Chan hyung,” Jisung whines while he tries to kick Minho away with his good leg. The cast is bright pink, to Minho’s amusement, and it picks up the black of his marker well. “Minho hyung, I’ll never forgive you if you make me walk around with a dick on my leg.”

Minho snickers, “You can’t exactly walk.”

Chan sighs and shoves Minho, though it’s light. “Come on, stop bullying him.”

“I have to go to physical therapy, too,” Jisung pouts. “You’ll embarrass me.”

“Oh yeah?” Despite all his bravado, Minho just signs his name near Jisung’s ankle, as messy and large as he can make it. “For how long?”

“We don’t know yet,” Jeongin speaks up. “Y/N’s going to come in and tell us, but I really want to go out and ask her.”

Excitement courses through Minho, and he stands up, the pen clattering to the linoleum floor besides his feet. “I can do it. I remember where the reception desk is.”

Felix looks concerned and he asks, “Are you sure you can... handle it? Hyung, I’m friends with Y/N, maybe I should go.”

Minho waves their concerns off, Seungmin leaning in to ask Changbin what happened outside. “I won’t embarrass you, Lix, at least not terribly. I’ll get Hannie’s results, and then I’ll be right back.”

As soon as he’s out of room 914, the warmth and light inside escapes, and the smell of alcohol burns Minho’s nose. In all his excitement, he had forgotten how much he hates hospitals, hates the way everyone inside only looks one step closer to death. But he peeks around a corner to where he remembers your desk to be and arranges a polite smile on his face as he approaches you. “Y/N?”

“That’s me, how may I--” You pause when you swivel around to him, but the smile reappears soon enough. “Minho, right? You’re done visiting Jisung this quickly?”

“Not exactly,” he chuckles. “Uh, I just heard from the others that they’re still waiting for his results? About how long he has to do physical therapy and stay here?”

You nod at that and pull your keyboard towards you. Gods, you’re so familiar-- the way your tongue pokes into your cheek as you type, the way you narrow your eyes despite being able to see the screen. Minho hates how much he remembers about you. It has to be you, he convinces himself, whether you’re lying about knowing him or not. “Ah. Well, hang on, the system’s a bit slow,” you chuckle.

“That’s okay,” Minho shrugs. It’s actually exactly what he wants-- time, for him to ask a few simple, nonimposing questions. “So, uh, when did you start working here? I’ve been here a couple times, never saw you.”

“I actually only transferred here last month,” you answer with a smile. “I used to work at the hospital downtown, Lixie met me there.”

“Lixie, huh?” Minho attempts at a smile, but you don’t know him well enough to see that it’s fake. “That’s cute. You guys are close? Did you help him there or something?”

You shake your head, typing something into the computer despite the loading screen. “No, actually, I was a patient at the time. I had amnesia,” you sigh, tapping your fingers on your chin.

Minho raises his eyebrows. His heartbeat is quickening-- depending on when you had amnesia, it’s a possible explanation for whatever’s happening. “Amnesia. That’s tough. Uh, how’d you get it? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I don’t mind,” you smile, turning back to him. “It was about two years ago, I think. I got in a car crash, but I got lucky. My cousin was with me, so the doctors knew my name and all my essential information. It would’ve been a lot worse if I didn’t know who I was, you know?”

He opens his mouth to ask another question, but he feels an arm slide around his neck. It’s Hyunjin, apparently escaped from the confines of Jisung’s tiny room. “Hi, Y/N,” he greets. “Are we any closer to those results?”

“Just about,” you exhale, standing up. “They’re printing, I’ll go get those for you guys.”

As soon as you’re out of earshot, Hyunjin murmurs, “Chan hyung told me what’s up. So, you think it’s her?”

“I don’t think,” Minho hisses. “I know. She said she got in a car crash and had amnesia two years ago, and it matches up with why she doesn’t recognize me. She still knows her name because of her cousin, and- it’s her, Hyunjin. It has to be.”

Hyunjin hesitates, apparently not as convinced as the older boy. “But if she was with her cousin, wouldn’t she know about you? I mean, if it was me, I’d tell my cousin about the guy she just broke up with.”

Minho almost answers, but you’re back, sliding a file across the table. “Get that to Jisung, okay?” you grin, sitting back down. “And come find me if you need something else. Nice talking to you, Minho.”

Snatching the file away, the younger boy guides Minho back to the room. “Hey. If you really think it’s her,” Hyunjin says softly before opening the door again, “go for it. You still have the texts saved, don’t you? Show her. Even if you can’t help her remember, you’ll get your closure.”

Quietly, Minho shakes his head. “I- I can’t. Even if she never broke up with me-- which isn’t possible-- I can’t know that she’s still here, still alive, and that she’ll never remember me.”

Hyunjin reaches over to shake Minho and argues, “But she hasn’t changed. If she loved you once, she can love you again, okay? Just... just try. For yourself.”

Before he can debate Hyunjin again, Seungmin opens the door with a fake scowl. “Hey, what took you so long?”

“Asshole,” Minho frowns back, glad for something to argue about. Seungmin’s always the perfect one to bicker with, his eye rolls as he backs away to let the two boys in the perfect way to rile Minho up. “Hey, don’t you roll your eyes at me!”

For all of his friend’s glances at him, glances that he lets slip by as he ruffles Jisung’s hair rougher than necessary, Minho can admit to himself that he won’t approach you again, at least not for the purpose of finding out what truly happened. It’s difficult, but he can even admit to himself why he wont.

He’s scared. Terrified, even, that he’ll only find out what he knew all along.

You’re good with faces.

It’s kind of a requirement to be a receptionist; after all, nothing makes people happier than being remembered, even if it’s something as simple as being recognized without an introduction while arriving to physical therapy. Besides, after struggling to get back to your normal life for two years, your biggest fear is to lose your memories again.

So when Jisung gets driven to physical therapy a week after you meet his friends, you instantly recognize his driver.

“Minho,” you smile, waving at him. He flushes for some reason, and you stifle a chuckle at the tint of pink in his pale cheeks. He’s cute; your first meeting just put you off a bit. “How’re you doing?”

“Don’t I get a greeting?” Jisung pouts, pushing through with his crutches. He’s joking, of course, so you only laugh fondly. “Well, you know why I’m here.”

You check him in with a nod, and call out after Minho, “You don’t have to stay with him for PT, you know. It’s going to be boring, you can come back out after helping him inside.”

Minho laughs, “Thanks for the tip. I’m definitely not staying with him, I’ll be right out.” Jisung’s protests follow them down the hall, and you return to your keyboard with a soft chuckle.

It’s true that after your first encounter with Minho, you wondered whether there was something about your life before the accident that Dahyun didn’t tell you. But your phone broke in the car wreck, and there must’ve been things that you didn’t tell your cousin.

However, in the back of your mind, you can still hear the way Minho said your name. ‘Y/N’, he had breathed, so desperately. You had to have been important to him, too important for you to have never told anyone about him, but when he comes out of Jisung’s room, you assume the role of the friendly receptionist once again.

“Hey,” you wave. “Just so you know, Jisung’s scheduled for a full hour. I’m clocking out for the day in a couple minutes, but you can have him text you when he’s done so you can pick him up. I have to get going, I need to eat before I get on the tram, and it’s a long walk from here.”

Minho raises his eyebrows, shuffling his feet. “You’re clocking out?” At your nod, he clears his throat and offers, “If you haven’t eaten yet, I can drive you to the tteokbokki place near the tram station? I can drop you off, I won’t stay with you if you aren’t comfortable.”

You laugh at his awkwardness, though he’s charismatic enough to make it simply cute. “That would be great, actually. Just give me a second.” While you’re gathering your things, Minho shuffles aside, staring outside to the parking lot as if it’s genuinely interesting, and you crack a smile when you approach him. “Hey. I’m good to go.”

“Let’s go, then,” he smiles, and opens the door for you. The more you see of him, the more familiar he feels-- it really is as if you’ve met him before. Even his car feels like you recognize it, the steady thrum of the engine and the feel of worn leather beneath your fingertips something that you can’t quite put your finger on. Minho doesn’t speak much, though he puts on some music that feels vaguely familiar to you, some boy rapping over a simple beat.

Before you know it, you’ve arrived at the station, and it barely takes a couple minutes to walk down to the tteokbokki place. For some reason, you feel comfortable around Minho, safe, like you’ve felt with Felix and all his friends that you’ve met so far. Maybe the Australian boy attracts all the good people, you smile to yourself, or maybe you do.

“I’ll pay, what do you want?” Minho offers and takes his wallet out. Though you move to protest, he smiles and holds up a hand, “I insist. You’ve had to deal with me this much already, it’s the least I can do. Besides, you’ll be seeing me a lot, with Jisung’s PT.”

You can only agree and watch him rattle off your order to the cashier. Minho’s smile is almost the same for everyone, his eyes curving and his teeth bright, but it’s the eyes that make the difference. It’s interesting. “Are you the only one of Jisung’s friends who can drive?”

“Ah, not really. The 00 liners and Jeongin don’t have their licenses, of course,” he hums and hands his credit card over. “But Channie is busy with work all the time, and Changbin feels like Jisung bullies him. So that leaves me.”

“I see,” you exhale, following him to an empty table. “You must make quite a bit to afford a car and a parking space. What do you do?”

“Me?” Minho clarifies, even though he’s the only one you could be talking to. “I’m a dancer. Mostly a backup dancer, but sometimes I teach classes or choreograph for idols. I don’t make that much, but I drive all over Seoul, so I thought a car would be a good investment.”

“Not a bad decision,” you smile. “Especially since you saved me the walk over here. You know that every time you drive Jisung over, I’ll be forcing you to give me a ride, right?”

You’re joking, of course; you barely know Minho. But something about your tone changes the glance in his eyes, and his grin fades the slightest bit. Suddenly, he moves towards his bag. “C- can I show you something?”

“Sure,” you shrug. “As long as it’s not... you know.”

“You’ve got jokes,” Minho mumbles, digging through the pockets for his phone. “I like that.”

A comfortable silence falls over the two of you, slightly heightened by his frantic scrolling. You greet and thank the ahjussi who brings you your food, still waiting for him to show you. Before he does, though, Minho looks up with a hesitant expression. “Y/N. Whatever I say, you can’t be alarmed, okay?”

“I can’t make that promise,” you shake your head, “but I’ll do my best.”

He inhales-- then exhales. “Your name is Y/N Y/L/N. You were born on _ _/ _ _/ _ _ _ _, and you were born here. You attended college at Seoul University, though you’ve probably forgotten your major. Your parents’ names are __ Y/L/N and __ Y/L/N, and your cousin is Kim Dahyun.”

Instantly, you bolt out of your seat, ready to run. “H-how do you know that?” Your voice shakes, and your eyes dart from Minho to the booth. He doesn’t look like a threat-- in fact, he looks pained, biting down on his lip before sliding his phone across the table. “What is that?”

“Just take a look.”

When you gingerly slide your eyes to the screen, you gasp; it displays what you assume to be an old photo of you-- and Minho. You remember Dahyun showing you pictures of yourself with that hairstyle-- high school, she said-- but you definitely don’t remember seeing any pictures with Minho. He’s unmistakable even in the uniform, and you’re laughing at him in a way that suggests what you’ve suspected since meeting him-- you were close, to say the least. “We were... friends?” you whisper, barely daring to meet his eyes. When he shakes his head, you lower your fist, previously held up to punch, and say softly, “We loved each other. Like that.”

“Yeah,” Minho sighs, taking his phone back. “By the way, does the date 5/19 ring a bell to you?”

“It was the day I woke up,” you answer. Suddenly, your throat is too tight to swallow, and you take your place next to him cautiously. “They... they told me I’d never get my memories back that day. What does it mean to you?”

Minho bites his lip and hands you his phone again. “It was the day you broke up with me.”

"Lee Minho,” you read aloud, “we need to break up. Ouch, that does not sound like me.”

He winces but tries to play it off with a chuckle, “Yeah, I know. I had to read that.”

“We have dated for years, but we...”

You frown and shake your head, scrolling through the text again even though you’re sure that you didn’t miss anything. “The wording, the phrasing... it doesn’t sound like me.” But that’s you on the profile picture, the exact photo of you that Dahyun showed you to gain your trust that first day in the hospital. You raise your head to look at Minho, who’s still staring at you. “This is fucked up.”

“You’re telling me,” he sighs, plucking his phone away. “I tried to text you back after this, tried to call you, but you never picked up. I did all I could, but I watched you leave. So... I think you understand why I was so desperate when I saw you.”

“I think I do,” you say, with your voice soft. It makes sense, now, why Minho looked like he was seeing a ghost when he caught that first glimpse of your face. Because you were a ghost, at least to him, somehow back from the dead in the lobby of the tiny hospital you worked in. “They told me my phone was dead. That’s why I didn’t have any of my old contacts, or my information.”

Minho fills your silence. “And that’s why you never saw my texts, or heard my calls. I- I’m so sorry, that I blamed you at all.”

You catch his wrist and try to smile, “Hey, I don’t blame you for blaming me. It isn’t possible for me to have texted you this with a broken phone and no memories, so... whoever did text you was an asshole. You can blame them all you like.”

His eyes flick over your face, almost like he’s committing you to memory in case you become a ghost again. “Yeah.” But the alarm rings, ten minutes before the last tram home leaves, and Minho’s phone buzzes at the same time. “Um. Can... can we talk about this again? Next time I see you?”

“Of course,” you answer. Maybe you’ll regret that promise, but you know that you’ll regret it more if you never search for what actually happened. And the glow to Minho’s smile when you say ‘yes’ follows you all the way onto the tram, or more specifically, the look in his eyes.

You’d already noticed that Minho looked differently at different people. His gaze was fond at Jisung, sometimes annoyed, and his eyes crinkled in a polite smile in front of the booth workers or your fellow receptionists. You had just never been able to tell how he looked at you, because it was strange, an expression you didn’t recognize.

But staring at his newly-inputted contact on your phone, you realize what it is. Minho looks at you like he knows you inside out, like he loves you more than anything else in the world.

And you aren’t sure which is worse.

Felix isn’t a good liar; from the first time you met, and he told you that you didn’t look horrible in that grimy hospital gown of yours, you knew that he’d never be able to keep a secret. So when you don’t know how to move forward from the whole other side of yourself that you just uncovered, he has to be the first one you talk to.

“Y/N!” He shouts your name with his hands cupped around his mouth despite only being a couple feet away from you, and he plops down onto the stool next to you. “What’s up?”

“Felix, what has Minho told you about me? Or, about Y/N?” He tenses up at the question, and you can’t blame him; you usually aren’t so direct, and it must be difficult to tell you about his friend’s secrets.

But Felix bites his lip and sighs, looks up at the ceiling as if it’ll tell him what to do. “Um, well... he said you guys were classmates. High school and college, but you only started dating when you were 17. He never showed me pictures of you, so I assumed that you hurt him really bad.” You wince at that, but motion for the Australian boy to continue. “Minho hyung... he never dated while I’ve been friends with him. We all thought it was because he was never over you, and I guess he still isn’t.”

“Well, shit,” you sigh, sinking into your hands. “I feel horrible now.”

“Why?” Felix places a gentle hand on your shoulder and shakes you lightly. “He said that you didn’t think it was you who sent the text, and Dahyun just didn’t tell you about him? It’s not your fault.”

You only shake your head hopelessly and attempt to explain, “I didn’t want to get back into this. I trusted Dahyun to tell me everything, and after 2 years, I find out that I had a boyfriend? Who I ‘broke up with’, and who I hurt really bad. I have to know now, for Minho’s sake if not for mine.”

Felix sighs, “Look, Y/N, I’m sure Minho hyung will understand if you don’t want to get into it all again. He- he loved you, but I think he knows you aren’t who used to be. I think.”

“No, Felix- he never told me that he wanted me to find the answer,” you say quietly. “I just... I can see that he’ll never be able to disassociate me with the Y/N he knew. My face, my mannerisms- Dahyun says I act the same as I used to, and that’s too painful for him if we’ll never know the truth.”

He pauses, then passes you the coffee that a barista slides across the counter. Maybe Felix doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to tell you. But he murmurs in his familiar deep voice, “You’re kind, Y/N, but you have to think about yourself, okay? It’ll hurt Minho to not know, but it’ll hurt you to find out. And I don’t want to see either of you with a broken heart.”

The next time you see Minho, you find yourself analyzing every one of his movements, as if the tiniest hint of familiarity will bring your memories of him back to you.

You’re only drinking coffee together and trying to act like nothing else is between you, but you’re staring at his hands when he cracks his knuckles every so often. You wish that the way his lips curl into a smile was familiar, and you wish you recognized the way his eyelashes frame the brown of his eyes. But as much as you think you’ve seen something before, the fact remains that you barely know a single thing about Minho, while there’s nothing about you that you can hide from him.

It’s been years since you hated how little you remembered. Back when you first learned that the first twenty years of your life had been wasted, you screamed out for whatever all-seeing being to restore your life, and you had no idea if you could go back to the life you had been living with absolutely no memory of it.

Dahyun said she showed you everything. She brought you back to your family home, told you what she could about your parents, who hugged you with tears in their eyes. You stayed there at first, but you couldn’t handle the glances that your family made at you, couldn’t handle the way they still mourned the loss of their daughter.

You didn’t know enough about what used to be to miss it. But when you speak to Minho, you realize that there is something you would miss, something that you would want to chase. And so, you can’t know what it is.

“Y/N, you okay?” He asks, the smile still on his face from telling you about the cats you helped him pick out when he got his own place.

Shaking your head, you nod. “Yeah, sorry for zoning out. I’m just... thinking.”

“About what to do, right?” Minho takes your silence for agreement, and he turns to the window with a sigh. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking too. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you, I was selfish not to think how it would make you curious about your old self.”

“No,” you sigh. “I get it. You had to tell me, I imagine it’s still painful to see my face.”

Minho shakes his head, tilting his head as if that’ll let him see more of you. “No, it isn’t painful at all. I see you analyzing me, though, trying to recognize me.”

Heat rises to your ears, and you try to hide it by flicking your eyes away from his face. “Was I that obvious? I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Minho.”

“It’s okay,” he shrugs. He cracks his knuckles again; you imagine that you used to put your hands over his to get him to stop, but you brush the thought away as fast as you can. “What do you want to do, though? It’s too difficult to stay away from each other in a town like this, especially when we have a mutual friend. But I’ll try my best to do what you want me to.”

You bite your lip and tap your hands on your knee. To be truthful, you’ve known what you wanted to do for a long time; you know exactly what you want to say, and you know who you want to say it to. “I want us to talk to Dahyun,” you answer. “I think... I can’t ask her about it. But I want to see how she reacts to seeing you.”

When he doesn’t respond, you almost move to touch his arm. “Minho? You can tell me if you don’t walk to talk to her, I won’t force you to do it.”

But he turns, tries to disguise the rueful smile on his face. He fails, of course, and you draw your hand back. “No, I... I’m sorry, that just reminded me of something. I’ll come with you.”

“Okay. I’m going to lunch with her tomorrow,” you explain, scrolling through the calendar on your phone, “and I think that’s the time. I’ll just say you’re my friend or something, and we’ll see how she reacts.”

Minho frowns, “Is it suspicious to randomly bring a friend to lunch with your cousin? Or do you do that often?”

You sigh at that and pause your scrolling to think. “No, you’re right. I think I’ll have to say you’re my boyfriend or something, then she’ll be excited to expect you.”

“Boyfriend? How do you know I’m not dating someone already?” Minho jokes. You laugh lightly and push his arm without thinking, but his smile only grows as he protests, “I’m serious! Do you not think I’d be dating someone by this time?”

“I see the way you look at me,” you chuckle, “If you were dating someone, I’d feel bad for them.”

Silence settles again, and you wince, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have... shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, should be me that’s sorry,” he mumbles, ruffling his hair. “I shouldn’t be making you uncomfortable, I know that you’re a different person at this point. Uh, could you send me the location of the restaurant? And the time?”

You recognize his attempt to change the subject, and you accept it gratefully. “Yeah. It’s noon tomorrow, but I think we should arrive together.”

“I’ll pick you up from the hospital,” he smiles, moving to crack his knuckles yet again.

Maybe it’s out of nervousness, maybe it’s just a habit, but you move to stop it this time, your hand resting gently over his. “Stop that,” you mumble to hide the heat in your cheeks. “I read somewhere that it hurts your knuckles. You’ll get arthritis.”

“You work in a hospital, you should know that that isn’t how it works,” Minho snickers, but he doesn’t move your hands off him. Strangely, this feels familiar, like you’ve done it before, like it’s always been comfortable. So you don’t move, only sip your coffee with your spare hand and try not to think about what could’ve been.

Minho opens the door for you yet again, bowing slightly when you pass through the doorway. “She’s here already, yeah?” His voice is soft when he speaks to you, and his hands in his pockets when he catches up to you again in the restaurant. He’s the picture of calmness, except for the way his eyes flick around the restaurant like he can recognize your cousin before you do. “I haven’t seen her in years.”

“She went to the same school as us, didn’t she?” you mumble, looking through your texts again for the table number Dahyun texted you. “She’s a year younger, she told me.”

“Yeah, but Dahyun hung out with us a lot,” Minho explains, “she was pretty cool. Funny, too, I don’t know if she’s showed you her eagle dance yet?”

You laugh at that, turning onto the stairs. “She has, actually. Made me laugh instead of cry. I appreciate that about her.”

Dahyun’s easy enough to recognize; her hair’s bright blue among a sea of dark-haired people seated at the tables, and she’s a good head shorter than the people who sit around her. You rush up from behind her and wrap your arms around her neck, almost putting the girl in a headlock. “Y/N,” she complains, but there’s a smile on her face as she struggles against your grip. “Get off, I’m here to see your boy--”

Her smile instantly disappears when she sees Minho, but she rearranges it quick enough to bow to him. “Hi. I’m Kim Dahyun, Y/N’s cousin.”

So she wants to play like that. You give Dahyun another squeeze before sitting next to Minho on the other side of the table. “So, this is my boyfriend, Minho. What do you think?” you joke, keeping your tone as light as you can.

“He’s cute,” Dahyun answers. Usually, she’s good at keeping a hold of herself, but her voice sounds stifled this time, like she wants to lean over and punch him in the face or something. “I... Y/N, where’d you guys meet?”

Minho steps in to answer, “At where she works in the hospital. I keep dropping my friend off for PT, and I just keep seeing her.” That part’s true, at least, though you’re surprised at how charismatic and natural Minho seems while he lies. “She told me how she started working at the hospital downtown after being treated there, so I guess that’s how I never saw her before.”

Dahyun sighs, “Do you know what she was treated for?”

“Amnesia,” he frowns, “what else? Y/N told me that when we first met.”

A beat of silence passes, and you’re almost sure that Dahyun can see right through your lies, but your thoughts are cut off when she blurts out, “You’re lying, right? Minho, I don’t know if you’re lying to Y/N or if the both of you are lying to me, but you can’t be... you can’t be telling everything about this. She broke up with you years ago.”

“We all know that’s not true,” you say softly. Maybe there’s a hint of deadliness to your tone, though, because when you lean forward, Dahyun scoots back in her chair. “You told me my phone was dead on the day I woke up, the day that the texts were sent. How could I have sent those texts, from a shattered phone, without the contact that you wouldn’t tell me?”

The blue-haired girl presses her lips together, but she says, “Y/N, I don’t know what you’re accusing me of here.”

“No one’s accusing you of anything,” Minho shakes his head. “But we have to know. What happened here?”

Dahyun’s voice is almost too quiet to hear when she finally answers, “Minho, you would’ve been wrecked. And- letting her know that she would never be able to remember you... would’ve wrecked her more.”

You can’t keep your voice from getting louder when you ask, “So?” Minho squeezes your hand and you soften before saying again, “So? What did you do, Dahyun?”

“I texted him in place of you,” she blurts, clasping her hand over her mouth. Her eyes must reflect the hurt you feel, because you lash back when she reaches for you. “I... I never told you about Minho or any of your friends. I’m sorry, Y/N, I did what I thought was best, and all these years, I didn’t know... I didn’t know how I could fix that.”

Minho says nothing close to what you think he will, and he’s nowhere near as angry as you are. “I know why you did it, Dahyun,” he says. There are tears brimming in your cousin’s eyes, and you’re sure that Minho’s doing his best not to let them spill. “But- you knew me, knew Y/N. I don’t think you should’ve made that decision for us.”

“You definitely shouldn’t have,” you almost snap. You stand, tugging Minho up with you by his hand. “I... We have to go. I just need time to think, Dahyun.”

And if you were thinking rationally, you’d never leave like that. You’d never leave a conversation half-finished, with an angry end, but you can’t concentrate about anything other than the warmth of Minho’s hand in yours as you storm out of the restaurant.

Once you are hidden in an alleyway, he holds you by your elbows, as if he’s trying to stop you from running away. “Y/N,” he says softly, “look at me.”

When you do, you’re surprised at how blurry his face is, the shadows and highlights of his face swirled together in your tears. “We know now,” Minho continues. “I know you’re hurt right now, but I just want to say that you don’t have to know what to do now. You... we have time to think about what we can say about that information.”

“Stop,” you cry out, tearing your hands out of his grip to press them to your eyes. “Stop being so good to me. I know you only remember how much you loved the old me, and we have the same face, but we aren’t the same, Minho, you don’t love me. So- you don’t have to be so good to me just because you used to--”

He pulls you into a hug. It’s a bit aggressive, and you collide with him a little harder than you would in a normal hug, but against his chest, you can hear the sobs that he stifles in case anyone’s listening. “I’m not doing this because I used to love you, Y/N. I’m doing this because I think I can love you again.”

“That’s worse!” You push him away slightly, just enough to untangle yourself and your own heart. “Minho, that’s so much worse. You- you’ll never love me, you know. You’ll never stop seeing that Y/N in me. I just. I need to think.”

For the second time in that day, you end another conversation like you never would, but you keep your head down to hide the tear tracks on your face. There’s nothing you can say without hurting someone you seriously care about, no matter how much you wish you didn’t care about either of them.

You do. God, you do, and it hurts so much.

Jisung hobbles his own way into the lobby. He’s fast on his crutches, actually, and he almost doesn’t need you rushing to open the door for him. “Hey,” you smile, though you’re sure that your eyes are still puffy under your makeup. “Alone today?”

“Hyungs are all busy,” he pouts, though he obviously doesn’t really mind. “Y/N, have you checked your email recently?”

“Uh. No?” you answer, raising your eyebrows as you guide him down the hall. “Why? Did you send me something weird?”

He moves the crutch to smack the back of your leg, grinning even when you poke him as hard as you can without literally hurting him. “No. But there’s something in there I think you’ll want to see. I’ll see you in an hour, Y/N, hopefully.”

All of Jisung’s cryptic messages leave you scowling at the closed PT door, then frowning all the way back to your desk. You click fast through your inbox and ignore all the other messages for the one at the top, the one from [email protected], entitled ‘ywb’.

It’s a video message, and when you click on it, Jisung appears. “Hi, Y/N. I’ll keep this short,” he smiles through the screen. “But this message isn’t really from me. No matter what, I want you to watch the whole thing, can you promise me that?” You nod even though he’s in a whole different room, and he flashes a thumbs up like he can see it. “Cool. Enjoy, and try not to cry.”

The screen goes black, then flashes to a girl running through the snow. But she turns, and you gasp, because it’s you-- it’s a beanie and a scarf that you still own, sitting in your closet, but it’s a smile that you have only seen in pictures. And when you see the look in your eyes, you know who has to be behind the camera, and as much as you wish you wouldn’t, you’ve promised, and you keep watching.

Because every time that the outfit and the scene changes, your smile stays the same. You only see flashes of a hand, the peal of laughter under the soft music layered over, but you know. It has to be Minho, and you almost yearn to be the person in the videos again, grinning at him like there’s nothing else you can think of.

Slowly, he starts appearing in the video too, just flashes of the two of you singing at the top of your lungs in a karaoke booth, a short clip of you squirting him right in the face with a water gun. And the smile from the video makes its way onto your face, completely unconscious as you stare at the video.

Hours could’ve passed in minutes, and you wouldn’t have known, wouldn’t break from your trance until the screen goes dark again. But this time, Minho’s face appears, his features lit by a bright desk light in the darkness of his room. “Hi, Y/N,” he says softly, running his hands through his hair. “Thank you for watching this far. Uh... I just wanted to show you those videos. Because I just deleted them.”

He hums for a second before continuing, “I realized you were right. As long as I hold on to who you used to be, I’ll never be able to truly love you right now, even though I really want to. You aren’t the same person as you were, and even though you might not think so, I want to know you right now.”

Minho’s eyes curve sweetly when he reaches for the camera and fiddles with it. He smiles, “So if you can believe me, I want to take those videos again, with you this time. I’m more than willing-- no, I want nothing more than to get to know you again. So just... call me. Whenever you see this. I don’t really trust Jisung to get this to you in time.”

You manage to laugh through the blurriness in your eyes, but you’re already moving to pick up your phone when the video ends, Minho’s hand the last thing you see on the screen. “Hello?”

“Hey.” You can hear something in the background, probably the other people in his studio, but they get quieter as Minho talks. “I guess you watched it?”

“I watched it.” You save the video to the drive always plugged into the laptop, but there’s a small smile on your face as you imagine Minho staring into the mirror of the dance room as he talks to you. “How fast can you get here?”

“Uh. It takes 5 minutes to drive to you, so you can expect me in 10,” he answers. The smile on his face is audible, and your own grin grows when he covers the mic to shout at someone. “I won’t look gross, promise. But, Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

He ends the call before you can say anything in return, but you smile at the phone screen all the way until you poke your head around the corner to shout at Seulgi. “Hey! I’m clocking out in 10!” Maybe the grin in the video is familiar after all as you reach for your bag.

While you’ll never get your past back, there’s always the future. You will never get the perfectly fresh start you want, but it’s a start nonetheless. It’s the step towards something new that you’ve been needing, and it’s with the person that you never thought you’d find again.

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if-music-be-the-food-of-love · 3 years ago

Text

Behind the Scenes of “I Want it All”

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

This one is about their wedding. It didn’t fit in anywhere, so here you go. (1.3k) **Posting this one specifically in honor of Sobbe’s 2 year anniversary** Link to fic.

“Oh no, don’t you dare!”

Even though Robbe and Sander were only engaged for a month, they still had plenty of time to plan (and bicker) and essentially lay down the ground rules for their wedding. Of course, there were the important details, like where, when, and how, which ended up being pretty easy for the most part. Robbe requested that they keep it small and only invite family to the ceremony, and Sander suggested the low key after-party, nothing fancy, just a regular party to celebrate. The when was the most frustrating because it was out of their control, and everything took longer than they thought it should. The real question, though, was “how much,” and not in the sense of cost (because they were definitely keeping that low; kids are expensive, you know) but how much of a big deal they’d let Zoë (and by extension Milan) make. They knew their friends and knew that left to their own devices it would be a much grander affair than they wanted, so there was much bartering and compromising on both sides about the party. Milan got his fancy cocktails and snacks; Zoë had permission to decorate with lights and fall colors (within reason); but Robbe and Sander drew the line at servers, catering, and any attempt at making them the center of attention (”No fucking announcements. It’s just a party!”). Sander insisted on creating the playlist, and at least this one time, they all agreed.

There were also smaller details that needed to be handled. Robbe insisted that they wear suits (partially because he’d take advantage of any excuse to get Sander in one again), and Sander agreed only if he didn’t have to buy fancy shoes. They bickered for weeks about whether or not to wear a tie (”because I want to be able to breathe when I kiss you!”), and while they both wanted Amelia to wear the simple, white dress Robbe’s mom had saved from her childhood, she took one look at a lime green one with tulle everywhere and fell in love. The green dress it was. In an interesting turn of events, Sander added a request from his mother, swearing that she would disown both of them if they did anything childish with the cake, as it was a pet peeve of hers, and Robbe rebutted that they skip the cake entirely. “We don’t even like cake! I mean, who cares? We could have donuts for fuck’s sake. And anyway, I’m pretty sure we can be trusted not to throw food on our wedding day.”

Pursing his lips, Sander narrowed his eyes meaningfully and picked up Amelia from where she sat in her bouncy seat, not paying attention to them in the slightest. “Amelia,” he asked, “What do you want for dessert?”

“Cake!” burst from her mouth, loud and clear.

Sander kissed her cheek and put her back in the seat, flicking a rattly toy to get her attention. She immediately swatted it and started bouncing up and down with renewed energy. He turned back to Robbe. “She,” he emphasized, “Wants cake.”

Well, shit.

“Annnd,” Sander continued, grinning, “My mom’s concern is justified. We don’t exactly have a perfect record with cake, or food in general, or maturity honestly, so...”

They finally compromised on an ice cream cake, and Robbe promised to be on his best behavior, though, poking Sander in the ribs, he added, “My behavior is entirely dependent on whether you provoke me, so don’t forget to behave yourself!”

There was one detail, however, that they disagreed on completely. It started out as a joke. Thinking to lighten the mood one night after checking for updates on their adoption paperwork (the update: there is no update, there will never be an update, this will take for-fucking-ever), Robbe joked that Sander was not allowed to carry him into their flat on their wedding night. In true Sander fashion, he immediately wanted to do just that. The idea took hold, and the more Robbe shook his head “No” and giggled, the more Sander wanted to do it. He wanted it viscerally. His hands itched to hold Robbe in his arms, to feel his weight pull at his biceps and shoulders, to have Robbe’s arms wrapped around his neck. It was the symbolism, really. He wanted to carry his world into their future, and once the image was burned into his imagination, he couldn’t help himself. Robbe just continued to laugh and say, “No way, c’mon San!” which forced Sander to laugh it off too and only bring it up with a teasing tone.

By the day of their wedding, they hadn’t come to any kind of real agreement or compromise. When they arrived at the door of their flat after their party, they eyed each other warily with suspicious smiles, standing at arm’s length, not touching anywhere for the first time all evening. Robbe opened the door with his key, sneaking glances over his shoulder at Sander, and when he turned, he could see the teasing glint lighting up Sander’s eyes. When Sander smirked and took a step forward, arms raised, Robbe cried, “Oh no, don’t you dare!” and ducked under Sander’s reach, lunging towards him. He tackled Sander around the waist, and as Sander’s momentum carried him further over Robbe’s back, Robbe braced himself and lifted Sander over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Sander screeched in shock, and laughing, Robbe carried him into their flat, Sander yelping and smacking his backside the whole way. Robbe carted him down the hallway, all the way to the couch, and clumsily, plopped him down on it, collapsing in a giggly mess in his lap. Sander chuckled and sputtered briefly but then fell silent. Finally sitting back on his heels, Robbe took one look at Sander’s face, somehow looking both crestfallen and awed, and felt a little guilty. He rose up and placed his palm on Sander’s cheek, his other hand pushing back his hair til he could cup the back of his neck. “You’re really disappointed, aren’t you?” He kissed him lightly.

“Kinda,” Sander responded, shrugging it off.

Unconvinced, Robbe brushed their noses together. “Still,” he said, “You’re disappointed.”

Sander pressed his forehead into Robbe’s and rolled his side to side against it, eyes closed, clearly thinking. Robbe could feel Sander’s smile before he spoke, finally admitting, “It was kind of hot, actually. Like, really fucking hot, and I’m trying to figure out which feeling is strongest. Do I pout or drag you to the bedroom? It’s a real problem.” Robbe met Sander’s eyes, and they burst into laughter. Sander pulled him to his chest and hugged him close, rubbing his nose into his hair. In his ear, he whispered, “You, my ridiculously sexy husband, are going to kill me.”

“That’s what you always say,” Robbe mumbled, trailing kisses up his neck.

“And it’s always true,” he chuckled. “Now,” his hands snuck down to Robbe’s hips, and he lifted an eyebrow. “Shall we?”

Huffing a laugh, Robbe climbed out of his lap and stood, holding his hands out to pull Sander up after him. Without warning, Robbe wrapped his arms around his neck and jumped. Sander, caught off guard, barely caught his legs and staggered under his weight for a moment, stumbling sideways until he could brace himself with his calves against the couch.

“Ugh,” he groaned, “I’m beginning to regret my life choices. You’re heavy.”

“You’re not exactly light yourself,” Robbe retorted, pulling on the hairs at his nape. “Though, I am sorry, even if I kinda prefer it this way. Now we’re even,” Robbe murmured into his collarbone.

Sander laughed and said, “I’ll take it.” And he meant it. This was good too, better than good because not only did he eventually get to hold Robbe, but he also had the delightful experience of being manhandled by him. On that thought, he adjusted his grip to pull Robbe closer and connected their lips. The kiss turned passionate almost immediately, and Sander found himself struggling once again to remain upright.

Robbe smiled against his mouth and said, “Maybe we should get going.” And they did, kissing the whole way, Sander brushing up against the wall for balance before continuing his crooked path to the bedroom.

Robbe couldn’t help reflecting that this wasn’t all that different from any other time Sander had carried him into the bedroom. They’d both been a little silly about the whole thing. It wasn’t really an argument. No one lost, and they both won—because they had each other.

#wtfock #wtfam #sobbe #i hope this turned out all right #it took me forever to be happy with it and i'm still not sure about it #i want it all #behind the scenes of iwia #happy 2 year anniversary #to my favorite fake boys #did I post it at 21:21 on purpose? why yes I did

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princessfbi · 4 years ago

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#It’s the way that I can dissect this scene and the argument we don’t see but hear when Chimney leaves for hours

..... those tags tho, I’d happily read that dissection 👉🏻👈🏻

Oh man! I am more than happy to oblige.

SO... In order to talk about Buck and Maddie's fight during "Merry Ex-Mas" we have to talk about some people we don't like. Namely, Margaret Buckley and Doug Kendall.

Particularly about how Margaret essentially made Maddie into a mother figure for Buck and Doug point out to Maddie that she is in fact, his sister and not his parent.

Margaret and Philip, whether unintentionally or not, relied on Maddie to take care of Buck. They let her handle him; be his parent. A fine example is in Buck Begins after he fell off the bike. Buck calls out for his mother and she goes to him only to pull back when she sees the bike. It’s a rejection in its most complicated form. The bike, for Margaret, is a symbol of grief. But for Buck and Maddie it was a symbol of growth. Of Buck growing up and becoming a big kid. Of moving on.

Margaret allowing the bike, her grief, to be a kind of barrier to her kids essentially drew a wall between them where she was on one side and Buck and Maddie were on the other. Which can be devastatingly isolating for an about five year old. Five being old enough to realize when a cry for comfort has been ignored is also young enough to still be reliant on others. But their parents didn’t just block out Buck. They blocked out Maddie too. They left her with a kid.

So, Maddie took care of Buck. She raised him. She didn’t have a choice which doesn’t cheapen their relationship. It goes back to what I said in my Maddie character analysis. We would not have Buck without Maddie. The emotional neglect that Buck and Maddie went through could have wrecked them as people. Buck could’ve very easily been turned into a toxic masculine person with resentments that rivaled the size of Margaret’s towards her own children. But he didn’t because of Maddie. Because Maddie showed him what it was like to love and be loved in return.

Maddie saved Buck.

But Maddie was also a kid and because of that added responsibility, I don’t think Maddie had any real boundaries when it came to Buck. Anyone who had a hand in raising a sibling knows the feeling of ownership, if you will, over them. There's a very clear sense of agency you get when you had a hand in making someone into the way they are.

It's why Maddie didn't back down from Margaret when she threw out the accusation that she "didn't know what it was like" because Maddie "wasn't a mother yet." It's why Maddie from young age handed out discipline in a sense with her parents in how they spoke about Buck.

"Don't talk to him like that."

Maddie scolds her parents for the way they disrespect Buck and put him down. She calls them out on their complacency when it comes to their relationship with Buck. Maddie sees herself as a parent figure/protector/authority figure (if not the only one) in Buck's life.

Which leads me to Doug. I think Doug was the person who pointed that out. I think Doug was the person who showed Maddie that she needed live for herself just as much as she lived for Buck. I think Doug saw that lightbulb go off for Maddie and used that to manipulate her as well. Doug recognized and “respected” in his own way that Maddie’s relationship with Buck was something of great value in her life. It’s why he didn’t storm in on those nights where she was alone with Buck after he found her. It’s why he didn’t ask her questions about Buck. It’s why he didn’t demand she come home when she told him “I’m with Evan” on the phone in Buck Begins.

Doug recognized in his own way that Buck was a hard line for Maddie.

So, Doug gave Maddie boundaries for Buck and hoped that would bring her over to his side. And neither Buck or Maddie realized it because they were so used to emotional neglect/manipulation (which is a form of abuse) that they didn't even blink because in their minds', they still had each other.

By Maddie’s own admission, the only thing of value she had at the time, was her relationship with Buck and Doug knew that. So, rather than take it away, he pushed himself in between them as a way to put distance between them.

Boundaries with one another was something completely foreign to Buck because his own idea of a "boundary" was the extreme with his parents: to be shut out completely which Buck would then internalize as being his fault. So, Buck resents Doug not for giving Maddie boundaries with Buck but for not letting Buck be a part of creating those boundaries. He sees it as a way of being shut out again.

Let's take into consideration what Buck said in Buck Begins when he asked to go live with Maddie and Doug.

"It's Doug, isn't it? He hates me."

Buck recognized Doug as another wall in his life and the resentment Buck had wasn't aimed at Maddie but at Doug. He had complete faith that Maddie wasn't shutting him out because she didn't love him anymore. It was because he thought Doug never loved him to begin with. And it's at this point that I think Buck saw the similarities with Maddie in himself. After Maddie left, Buck found himself in the middle between his parents and her. Buck recognized that Maddie was now in the middle between Doug and himself. That's why he didn't confront her in the hospital about Maddie pretending everything was hunky dory. But Buck recognized, before Maddie did, that Doug was the one putting her in the middle.

"You don't have to pretend with me, all right? I know things aren't okay with Doug."

It wasn't until a new beginning, an opportunity for them to escape from their sadness that Buck finally addressed that distance and the reasoning behind it.

Let's skip back to "Merry Ex-Mas" now.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"So, you hate Christmas now. Something else I can thank Doug for, huh?"

This is something I think a lot of people who have been on the sounding board end of a loved one going through a break up where the loved one is still defending the ex can recognize. I think Buck expected a clean break because that's the way Maddie was presenting it. Because Maddie had no problems cutting off everyone else in her life such as her parents, her friends, and to an extent Buck in a very clean, compartmentalized process. So, to Buck this seemed like it should've been the same.

But it wasn't. Because Maddie's relationship with Doug was complicated and she didn't fully cut herself of from him (or at least, didn't stop making excuse for him which is an internalized form of victim blaming) until that moment in the car during "Fight or Flight".

Let's take a look though at the real meat of this argument.

"You can't come into my house, Buck, and act this way."

"'Come into my house?' I'm your brother. Typical old Maddie."

Here's the real kicker.

"Typical old Maddie."

Remember how I said that Buck doesn't resent Maddie, he resents Doug?

Here's what I think we sometimes forget because we, as the audience, view the show as a whole. We, the viewers, know the extent of the trauma Doug put Maddie through but Buck doesn't. All Buck sees is that his sister isn't acting like herself and the only reason he has for that is whatever happened with Doug. Buck doesn't know everything Doug put Maddie through because Maddie has been shielding him from it.

Remember in Buck Begins when Omar tried to get Maddie to tell Buck about what happened?

"Evan can never know."

Even with the events of Buck Begins, Buck is still learning the extent of the abuse Maddie suffered from Doug. He knew Doug beat Maddie and he knew it was pretty bad to the point that he almost killed her. But he didn't know until Chimney told him that the reason Maddie didn't leave with him was because Doug beat her brutally for picking a side; Buck's side. It's one thing to know the broad picture but an entirely different thing to know the details.

Because at some point along the way, Maddie's boundary with Buck became a protective shield for Buck. Maddie may have been in the middle between Doug and Buck but Maddie had put herself over the line in the sand beside Buck once again and neither Buck or Doug realized it.

Maddie doesn't want to explain to Buck why she doesn't want to celebrate Christmas because it's a painful truth for herself but for Buck as well. It's opening up that protective bubble and letting the risk of Buck and herself being hurt again. So, she's shutting down again which is something she'd done before to keep Buck out of that messy part of her life. Except, because Buck thinks Maddie has had this clean break from her life with Doug, he pushes her a little.

"Come on, you love Christmas."

And Maddie lashes out.

"And easy to lash out on the person that you know is always gonna forgive you."

It's a panic response, a knee jerk reaction, because she doesn't want to go through the painful process of unpacking that especially not with Buck because she was still continuing to shield him from it all. She lashed out because, subconsciously at least, she knew it would deflect him from it.

"Typical old Maddie."

And it worked.

#Maddie Buckley #Evan 'Buck' Buckley #The Buckley Siblings #TW Doug Kendall #TW Domestic Abuse #Buck Begins #Merry Ex-Mas #911 on Fox #TW Emotional Neglect #mellaithwen #ask #answered

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jonkentt · 3 years ago

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we could move in together

or Bucky suffering but make it crack****

Bucky drops onto the couch with a contented sigh. He stretches out, hands behind his head, smirking like he’s truly done something to be proud of. Sam’s coming over for dinner and finally, finally Bucky’s got a plan. They’ve been alternating these datenights dinners and whenever it’s Sam’s turn he cooks. Big batches of stuff he says he wants to make for Sara and the boys if it’s any good. Course, it’s always good. Bucky loves Sam’s cooking. He loves showing up much too early so he can watch Sam cook. Sam gets in fights with pots and pans, curses under his breath whenever he measures something wrong. You’d think everything he made would be a disaster but somehow, no matter how many times Sam swears that internet recipes are the bane of his existence, the food is delicious. Which makes Bucky feel like an asshole for ordering take-out on his turn every single time.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to cook for Sam. Boy, has he tried. But how can he tell if anything’s edible? Nothing compares to Sam’s cooking. So Bucky’ll make something, taste a spoonful, and decide it’s complete shit just in time for Sam to show up. There’s been a couple of close calls when Sam asked why his apartment smelled like pasta if they were eating deli sandwiches. (“It smells burnt in here, Buck.” “Ha! Yeah, I think my neighbor, uh, had some trouble.”) But tonight, Bucky has a plan. He found a recipe that was supposed to be “fool proof” and practiced making it yesterday. Sure it’s a mac-n-cheese casserole but there were several different cheeses in it so… that should count for something. He had a dish waiting to be put it in the oven when Sam arrived.

“I think we got this all tied up, don’t you Alpine?” Bucky says to the rabbit as she makes her way across the room to settle on his feet. Alpine’s favorite place to sit is on Bucky’s feet, which he thinks is adorable. He considers cuddling Alpine on his lap but Sam will be here any minute and he doesn’t need to be covered in bunny hair. Bucky as some class. The self-satisfied grin is still plastered to his face when Sam let’s himself into his apartment.

“Sam! You gotta explain this show to me! TV doesn’t make sense anymore.” His smile falters when he turns to see Sam crossing the room in long strides, some kind of burning intent clear on his face. “Uh—” Sam lands on the couch turned towards him. Bucky is keenly aware of the lack of personal space Sam has left between them. Sam’s knee is practically in his lap. Bucky sits there with his mouth half open, struck by the intensity of Sam’s stare. He doesn’t look angry, so that’s good at least. But what the fuck?

“Did you tell Sarah we were moving in together?”

Bucky blinks. “Wha—”

“At the cookout. Sarah just asked me if we’d found a place yet. What the hell? You can’t just tell my sister that we’re moving in together and not let me know!”

Bucky lets out a startled laugh. “The cookout? That was weeks ago! I’m sure she was just messing with you—”

“So you were joking?” Again, Bucky’s smile slides off his face. What is happening? Sam is not kidding right now. He might very actually be pissed off. But it was a joke? …wasn’t it?

“I…” Bucky trails off. So he’s been daydreaming about living with Sam. But that’s not what Bucky tells himself. He’s just picturing their dinners together at different times of day. Like in the mornings. Sam in pajamas is a quintessential element of these daydreams.

“Were you serious, Bucky? I’m trying to imagine that you wouldn’t just run your mouth off around my sister as a joke.” Sam is pinning him with this intense expression that Bucky can’t figure out and it’s taking all his self control not to squirm.

“I guess… it wasn’t.”

Sam keeps up the laser eyes till Bucky can practically feel two points boring through his skull. Finally, Sam sighs.

“Man…” Sam says, slowly shaking his head. He takes Bucky’s hand and holds it to his chest, just like they had outside Sarah’s house after Bucky confessed an overdue apology. But now, Bucky’s hand is literally against Sam’s chest and he can feel Sam’s heart beating. The thud, thud makes his stomach flip. Bucky stares at their hands. Sam is so close and that’s making him forget how to breathe. Maybe he should be looking somewhere else. Somewhere other than Sam’s hand gripping his. Listening to something other than Sam’s heartbeat. When Bucky meets Sam’s eyes again he regrets it instantly. This is 100x worse than before. This is tender.

“If you’re going to do this, you gotta be sure.” Sam’s voice is warm. His brown eyes are warm. His hand is warm. His chest is— you get the idea. Bucky’s brain still isn’t processing what the hell Sam is talking about. “Cause I won’t have you fuckin’ around with my heart.” Wait- what? “I don’t have the time or the mental space to deal with that. You understand?” Bucky would literally rather be in cryo right now. “Bucky.” The fuck does Sam expect him to say? If he starts moving his lips then words should form eventually.

“I wouldn’t do…” This is a struggle. Sam raises an eyebrow.

“You wouldn’t do what?”

“Fuck around.” It comes out barely a whisper. Sam sighs and Bucky thinks he’s actually going to die.

“What are we talking about, Buck? How you wouldn’t lie to my sister? Or how—”

“Yeah! Sure! I don’t know!” Bucky has class. He swears to god he used to have class. “I wouldn’t lie to Sarah! Yeah, I do want to live with you. It’s kinda the only thing I think about. But I didn’t know how to tell YOU that!” There’s a grin spreading across Sam’s face and it’s making Bucky feel things. “And I wouldn’t fuck around with your heart! That’s literally the last thing I would ever do! Your heart is very important to me and I would…!” Whatever courage he had is disappearing fast. “…take care…” Dear god almighty does Sam have to do that with his face? “…of it.”

Sam is smiling like the actual sun. And Bucky is burning to a crisp under a magnifying glass.

Sam leans back with a satisfied “hrmph.” He drops Bucky’s hand and stands up. Bucky involuntarily leans into the empty space like Sam left some kind of gravitational pull. What the fuck just happened? Bucky looks at Alpine. The rabbit is sitting on her hind legs beside him, looking up at him curiously and twitching her nose.

“So what’s for dinner? Take-out again?” If it could reach, Bucky’s jaw would drop to the floor. Sam looks like he’s trying not to laugh.

“That’s it?!!”

“What’s it? You forget to order a pizza or somethin?” Sam takes a few steps toward the kitchen and Bucky jumps off the couch.

“Sam. I hate you.”

“Wow. That hurts, Bucky. I thought my heart was important to you.”

“I—!” Bucky flails his arms around. Sam is grinning in that stupidly adorable irresistible way of his. The situation is hopeless. How is Bucky supposed to think when Sam is being this cute? And now he knows that Bucky wants to live with him? Disastrous. “I made you dinner!”

Sam looks surprised, maybe even a little touched. “Really?”

“Yes, really!” Bucky pushes past him on his way into the kitchen, overly aware of how their shoulders brush. Bucky pulls the casserole out of the fridge and transfers it to the pre-heated oven. Now that he’s not looking at Sam, the thought of meeting his gaze again makes Bucky feel queasy. Instead he decides to lean over the oven and stare at its digital clock. A perfect excuse to avoid those obnoxiously beautiful brown eyes for the next 20 minutes.

“What is it?”

“Casserole.”

Sam laughs. “You realize there’s like a million different kinds of casseroles, right?”

“Macaroni,” Bucky mumbles.

“Sounds promising. You’ve got beer somewhere?” Bucky mumbles some more because how can he admit now that he went searching for Sam’s favorite hard lemonade that’s annoyingly hard to get in New York? He hears Sam open the fridge. Too late. “Oh my god, you found this stuff here?!” The distinct crack of a can opening punctuates Sam’s excitement. “You’re the best, man.”

Bucky could say something snarky. Really, he should at least try. But his ears are burning and so is his face and goddammit why is this happening. Sam’s silent, clearly waiting for a comeback. Bucky starts to sweat. He hears Sam come up behind him. What is breathing? Surely it’s a non-essential function. Then Sam presses himself to Bucky’s back and wraps his perfect hunky arms around his waist. Bucky’s hearts skips at least five beats when he feels Sam’s warm breath on his ear.

“You just gonna stare at the clock then, huh?”

“Ye—“ Bucky clears his throat. “Yeah.”

“Mmm, okay,” Sam hums and rests his chin on Bucky’s shoulder, obviously with no intention of showing mercy.

“What are you doing?” Bucky’s voice is much higher than he cares to admit.

“Staring with you.” Bucky swallows. He can’t do this for another 18 minutes. “You gonna cook for me when we live together?”

WHAT. Bucky’s brain is hot and spinning like a clothes dryer but it’s his thoughts that are tumbling. Yeah, he’s definitely sweating a lot now. Bucky ducks his head, not realizing that would be a terrible idea. Sam drops a kiss on the exposed back of his neck. So this is it then. This is how it ends. Bucky is going to pass out or die or both.

“How much longer can you hold your breath before it becomes a problem?” God, Sam is such a smug asshole. “I don’t wanna scrape you off the kitchen floor before dinner.”

Bucky tries to inhale slowly, but it’s shaky- of fucking course it is. “I really hate you,” is all he can manage to whisper.

“Ya know, that’s funny,” Sam purrs. Literally purrs because he clearly wants Bucky to suffer. “Cause I could swear that you actually have a huge, embarrassing, all-consuming crush on me.”

Fuck right off, Sam Wilson, you perfect fucking prick, is what Bucky thinks. But somehow, unforgivably, what he says is, “You have really beautiful eyes, Sam.”

That startles a laugh out of Sam. “Why thank you, Bucky! But it’s kinda hard to believe you really mean that from the way you’re so adamantly not looking at me.”

“You know I mean it. Always accusing me of having a staring problem.”

“Still… you could convince me.” Sam’s tone is a challenge. Fuck this.

“Sam, if I look at you, I’ll either die or have to kiss you.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Sam chuckles. “You can kiss me, but dying right now would be inconvenient.”

That’s it! Bucky turns on him. “Inconvenient? In- fucking -convenient?!”

“Well, yeah, you didn’t say how long the casserole should be in the oven for.”

“Get out of my apartment!”

“Make me!”

Bucky grabs Sam’s face in both hands and kisses him hungrily. Fuck mac-n-cheese. He’s having Sam for dinner.

#they’re idiots #and this was super fun to write #sambucky fic #bucky barnes fic #back on my gay shit #onlysambucky

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heyheydidjaknow · 3 years ago

Text

If I bounce my foot, it makes this chair sound like someone is doing unspeakable things. Also, it has been a hot minute, but I have a chapter written now, and that's what matters. Hopefully the next chapter will be out sooner than later.

Chapter 16

You are going to kill him.

“That is absolute fucking horseshit!” You pace back and forth in front of the restaurant. “His ass was the one who invited me!”

You can practically hear his eyes rolling on the other end of the line. “How is it my problem if he flaked?”

“You’re guilty by association!” You cross your arms. “It’s a favor to you! How is it not at least partially your fault?”

“Because he said he’d be there.”

You hang up on him. You have been standing here for half an hour, and only now do you hear that he can’t be there because of something about a movie. While, under different circumstances, you would be relatively understanding, standing outside in a dress in November is making you a bit less amiable.

You sit down on the step, letting your hair down and leaning forward on your knees. ‘What a waste of a perfectly good twilight.’

You pull out your phone. It’s your father’s birthday back home, ironically enough. You smile bitterly. He and your mother told you when you were younger you wouldn’t be allowed to date until you were eighteen— something about them being worried about you getting in a bad situation— and here you were, flouting their rules, sitting alone on the steps of a restaurant with just enough money for food. ‘Does this count as disrespectful?’

Nobody online has said anything about it. No messages hoping he rests in peace, nothing from extended family.

You set the phone down at your side, quietly watching people walk by. You had your cast taken off today. The people at the hospital gave you some sort of weird juice, and now you can walk around with only the occasional ringing in your ears and half-decent handwriting. ‘Not that my handwriting was that great before,’ you muse. ‘Maybe I’ll finally be able to sit in a car without wanting to jump out.’

“Something got you down?”

There is a thing you have noticed about people’s voices thus far that, until now, you have not thought about in detail; people do not sound exactly like their voice actors back in your world. For example, Donatello does not sound like Rob Paulsen, but the way he shapes his words, the tone of his voice, and the general pitch is relatively similar. He sounds like a teenage boy who happens to talk like his character, and it is by this you have been able to identify voices.

Oddly enough, she sounds nothing like Kelly Hi.

Your blood goes cold. “Yeah,” you sigh, desperately keeping your voice steady. “My date bailed on me.”

Karai sits down next to you on the steps, looking out with you. “That sucks.” She chuckled. “Why’s that?”

“No clue.” ‘Why is she trying this?’ You rest your head on your knees, hands clenching and thoughts going a mile a minute. ‘I’m not made by the Kraang, and the guys shouldn’t have messed with her anyways, so she shouldn’t have my— but I did kill— but she doesn’t care about that, and neither does Shredder.’

“Well,” she sighed, “that’s teenagers for you.” She points back at the restaurant. “Can I get you something? My treat.”

You swallow thickly. “Sure.” Your hands are shaking despite your best efforts. You hope you do not look as completely terrified as you feel. “But I can pay for my own food.”

“Are you alright there?”

‘Sadist.’ You nod.

“Are you sure?” She chuckles. “You’ve gone pale.”

You scramble for a plausible excuse. “I’ve been fasting.” That is not a good example of an excuse. “I need to start getting more iron in my diet.”

“I’m sure some food inside will have iron in it.” The smile on her face— she is not a good liar herself— tells you all you need to know, all venom and quiet pleasure. You seem to shrink next to her.

It is not a request. It is a veiled demand.

You get to your feet. You will not make it far if you run. “Have you been here before?” You force yourself up the steps, opening the door for her.

“No,” she admits, nodding thanks, “but it’s supposed to have good reviews.”

“So you were here for the food?”

A shrug. “You could say that.”

The two of you settled in a booth not terribly far from the door, on your insistence. If you are putting yourself in this situation— ‘At least Casey knows where I am. Why did he have to suggest someplace where I know nobody?’— you may as well not make it easy for her. She orders a milkshake— you can not hear her very well over the roaring in your ears, but that is what she gets— and you drink water exclusively from the straw because your hands are currently incapable of holding anything. ‘What was even the point of all those dexterity-based exercises,’ you cannot help but internally whine, ‘if as soon as I need to be coordinated, I get all flinchy and shaky?’

“I didn’t catch your name.”

Your head rises too quickly. “Huh?”

Another smile. You hate her. “Your name,” she repeats herself. “You haven’t given me your name.”

“Y/N.” As soon as you say it, you know you messed up. “Y/N Collins.”

“Collins?” She leaned against her hand, quietly staring you down. “What is that?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, what country is that from?”

‘Great question.’ You strain to smile back. “No clue. My parents haven’t ever brought it up.”

“Really?”

Your face burns at how easy the clinking of her fingernails against the glass puts you on edge. “Is that unusual?”

“I wouldn’t know.” She took a sip from her drink. “I don’t have many friends, you understand, and I’m from overseas to boot. I don’t know much about what’s normal.”

“Yeah?” You follow her example. “What’re you here for?”

A shrug. “My father’s here on business. Cutlery.”

“For restaurants or?”

“Sure.”

‘If I call Casey, he— but then I’d have to be in his van.’ You clear your throat. ‘Bathroom. Maybe the bathroom has a window.’ “Do you mind if I step out for a sec?” You stand up. “I have to use the restroom.”

“Not at all.” She looks up at you through her eyelashes. “Want me to come with?”

You shake your head, trying not to trip over yourself as you make it to the back of the restaurant, purse over your shoulder. ‘Maybe she won’t think anything of it.’ You lock the door behind you, exhaling as you look around the small room. As is typical of your luck these days— though, you suppose, fighting back tears, it’s not so much these days if it’s been going on for months; you miss your mother— there is none. Graffiti, sharpie illustrations, no toilet paper, and no window. No plan for if the date went badly in the first place— you kick yourself for having forgotten that essential step— and no ride home. You have money for the ticket home— he said he would pay— and a phone and a charger and it is at times like these where you wish you valued your life more. The only chance you now have, as far as you’re concerned, is to either run or fake a phone call at the table.

You just got out of a cast.

You take a deep breath, walking back onto the floor, thanking her for her patience. She nods, waves it off as no trouble, and starts talking again as she drains her drink. You listen, you try to keep the conversation going the best you can, drink right alongside her.

You do not remember when you start having fun, when you start laughing along with her at something or other, but you are now.

“So,” she sighed, lacing her fingers together under her chin. “Who was the lucky guy?”

You blink. “Huh?”

“The guys you were here to meet.”

“Kid from Bio,” you answer. “Can’t remember his name.”

She nods. “Do you have many guy friends?”

“A couple, I guess.”

“What’re they like?”

“Busy.” You smile slightly. “Most of them are, anyway. The guy that set me up is free most of the time.”

“What about the others?”

“They’re into martial arts.” You glance down at your glass, and for a moment, you swear it looks slightly blue. “Their dad’s into it.”

“What’re their names?”

You blink, picking the glass up and placing it on top of your hand. “Reese and Donnie and Legoshi and the other one.” ‘Why is my drink blue?’

“The other one?”

You nod, eyes drooping slightly as you struggle to rationalize the color change. “Can’t remember his name.”

“Michelangelo, maybe?”

“Maybe.” You take another sip, trying to taste what it is. “That name sounds familiar, but I can’t remember from what.” Something with salt.

“You said your name was Y/N?”

You nod again. ‘Water isn’t blue, right?’

“Then, Y/N,” she smiles again, eyes slowly drilling holes into your skull, “do you know who I am?”

“Legoshi’s sis, right?” You look up at her. “You’re Karai Hamato.”

Your eyes are too blurry to tell exactly what is happening with her face. “What?”

“Your name.” You take another sip. “Karai Hamato. Or Missy. It’s one of the two.”

“I’m not a Hamato.”

“Yeah, you are.” You giggle before the words slip out of your mouth. “You’re fucking— well, not fucking— you let stepbrother, right? Half brother?” You are forgetting something important. “Are you two blood-related?”

“We aren’t.”

“You sound angry.”

A blink. “I do not.”

“Do too.” ‘I don’t like her for some reason.’ “You’re getting all red in the face.”

“Because you’re accusing me of something I’m not.”

“Fuckin…” you grin. “If you’re into that shit, I’m not gonna fuckin judge you or nothin, but at least fuckin… uh… own up to it.” Your eyes drag across the table lazily.

“I’m no Hamato.”

“You are too.”

They land on a plastic bag.

‘Oh. That’s why.’

“Who told you I was?”

“Your stepdad.” You get to your feet, holding your bag. “Or dad, I guess? I dunno, whichever one didn’t kill your mom.”

There’s something else in her voice as she gets up, following you out. “How do you know that?”

“I just said how.” The cold air outside hits you like a brick. ‘Run.’

“So you know where—“ You shove your weight back on her, slamming her body and in turn her into the brick wall and run.

She grabs your something. You fall, head slamming painfully against the ground. You kick her, she grabs your hair. In what you might later describe as a drunken effort, you reach your hands up towards her face. You feel something squishy, a cry, and she’s facing you now, dragging you into somewhere considerably darker than outside at night. You feel something in the back of your head, she covers your mouth as you cry out, and you do the only thing you can think of.

You taste something again. Something is in your mouth. She stumbles back. You trip up to your feet, and you fall in the direction of the nearest subway tunnel.

The things happening around that time are swirling around in your head, now, face held in your hands as you quietly curl up on the subway. You do not remember entering a train car, or buying a ticket, or even what happened to the object in your mouth, but the crying you remember. You remember someone touching your shoulder with a soft voice, looking up with your mouth covered in sticky, dried stuff and fingers covered in red and clear goo, and that being enough to have them get off at the next stop.

You do not know how long you are on the train. When you finally feel yourself again, your phone is almost dead. Hours must have passed. You do not remember leaving, but you remember the ringing in your ears again as you dial someone, sitting on the sidewalk in what used to be the only dress you owned. You are reasonably sure you are going to burn it.

—

“Is this okay?”

“What?”

“This.” Mikey gestures around himself. “What we’re doing.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“They’re people, right?” He looks over at his brother, currently skimming the same magazine again. “The Kraang, I mean.”

It takes a second for him to process the question, but Donnie does not have to look up from his sewing to know his brother’s reaction.

“It’s just a question.”

“A fuckin— do you hear yourself?”

“I’m just—“

“Leo,” he turns to his older brother, “is killing the threat to all of humanity wrong?”

“But we just blew up a giant ship of them though.” He crisscrosses his legs. “Aren't we killing a ton of people, then?”

“Mikey,” Leo sighs, not looking up from the TV, “there are more people in New York than there are Kraang that we could ever kill.”

“Eight million.” He sincerely hopes the gloves are not too large. “For number's sake, it’s eight million.”

Leo shoots his brother a thumbs up, glancing over at his brother’s project curiously. “Thanks, Donnie.”

“Even if we were actively going on a killing spree and mowing them down that way, there is no way in hell any of us could kill two million Kraang per person even if we wanted to. That’s not even talking about the number of people who would be fucked once they were done with New York.” Raphael punctuates this with a pointed and aggressive flip to the next page. “End of story.”

“But—“

“And even if they stopped at New York,” he continues, cutting him off, “that would still be eight million people dead because of us getting cold feet.”

Mikey opens his mouth again, sighs, and closes it. “Fine, okay.” He leans back against the concrete, eyes going back to his phone. “Anyways, why do you keep getting water on your thing?”

“Hm? Oh, you mean the gloves.” His taller brother looks up. “It’s easier to get the needle through it when it’s warm and wet. Plus, it makes the— stop laughing!”

“Then you thought it too.”

Heat rushes to his face. “You’re so immature.”

“But you thought it too. That's hypothetical.”

“You mean hypocritical.”

“I said what I said.”

Michelangelo’s phone rings.

He puts a finger, bringing it to his face. “Hel— hey, slow down.” His brow furrowed, the other three leaning towards him. “No, wait, what— who’s she?”

There’s a pause.

“She did— wait, hold on.” He tosses the phone to Donatello. “It’s for you.”

He catches it. “Hello?”

“Could you pick me up?”

He blinks. “What, with the Shellraiser?”

Your voice is paper. “Yup.”

“You hate the Shellraiser.”

“She wants to go in the Shellraiser?”

Donatello waves his younger brother off, letting you talk. “I hate Karai more, currently. Please pick me up.”

Leo pipes up. “What happened?”

He ignores him. “Where are you?”

There is a pause as she checks, his brothers watching for his reactions. “One-oh-three Saint Corona Plaza.”

“Got it.”

“What happened?” Raphael, this time.

“Need me to stay on the line?” With a pointed glare at his siblings, he climbs into the ‘raiser.

“Please.”

He calls behind him at his brothers. “I’ll be back before two.” The phone is brought back up to his face as they moan about a lack of info. The machine is spurred into motion. “What are you doing in Queens so late?”

“No idea.” He can hear your strained smile. “Ask Karai.”

His heart stops. “What happened with Karai?”

You repeat your statement.

“She didn’t—“

You cut him off. “I’m not back in the hospital, no.”

He resists the urge to sigh in relief. “Did she follow you?”

“I’ve yet to be hit over the head, so I’ll hasten to say no.” There is something off about your voice, a certain quality about it that he cannot quite pin down. “I’ve been essentially useless the whole time, what with her drugging me and all.”

“She what?”

“I think she did, anyway.” It is incredibly disturbing to him how calm you sound. “Unless water’s blue and kinda tastes salty now. I don’t imagine it would be though,” you ponder, chilling years off of his life, “even if you guys messed up the mission. It would be green, since that’s the color of the acid, right?”

He mumbles something out about indicators, head reeling as he tries to not hit a street lamp.

“That’s what I thought.” You sigh. “Say, have you got any hydrogen peroxide at your place? No, wait, scratch that, I’m burning the dress anyways.”

“Dress?”

“Yeah.” You huff. “Last time I’m letting Jones set me up on a date. Last time I’m going on a date period until all this gets worked out, actually.”

‘It is not okay to feel happy that she had a bad date.’ Still, he tries to steer the conversation away from the horrifying for a minute. “What happened?”

“I got stood up.”

“Why?”

“I forget. Where are you?”

He glances up at the street sign. “Still pretty far.”

A pause.

“You know,” you swallow, “I should really stop doing this. It’s not exactly great of me to have to ask for your help all the time.”

“None of us mind.”

“That’s not the point.” He hears a car on your end whizz by. “I should be able to go a week without making you go out of your way for me. You guys manage.”

“We’ve also been training in ninjutsu since we could walk.”

Tired, he decided. You sound tired. “Other normal people manage.”

“You’re not a normal person, though.”

“Sure I am.” Your words sound slow to him. “I keep interesting company is all.”

“That’s a word for it.”

“What, don’t count yourself as interesting?”

He turns a corner. “Not the first word I’d use, no.”

Another long silence. Occasionally, he notes, you will him something into the phone, say a quiet, unintelligible word of phrase he cannot quite make out, presumably in an effort to continue looking like you are on the phone to passers by. The streets, like most nights nowadays, are mostly empty, save for the occasional cop car or kid, making the commute a relatively uneventful one. It gives him time to think, anyways, and after a while of quiet contemplation and forced slow breaths so he did not look quite as panicked as he felt once he picked you up, a question quietly surfaces.

He would have come in a heartbeat. He was not exactly sure what he would have done, but he would have come running, regardless of if he could help. Why would you not call? Why would you try and deal with that sort of situation alone? Did you not trust he would come?

His fingers tighten around the wheel. What had you been thinking going out alone, anyway? After all that was happening, you thought it was a good idea to go on a date without a plan for if it went south?

Another sharp turn. If nothing else, he thinks, he can not say you are no longer naive or lacking in innocence. Maybe you are just incredibly prideful. Regardless, it will get you in more trouble than you had to be in.

What would he do if you got yourself irreparably damaged?

—

You are not having a good time.

You have managed to convince yourself that this is not, in fact, anything like the car. For starters, it is less aerodynamic; it is a metal box on wheels, designed for subway travel and is, therefore, not designed for optimum wind resistance, meaning it cannot go as fast with the same amount of energy. The inside of the vehicle is also distinctly dissimilar to a car, its origins blatantly obvious, and was entirely lacking in windows. While this is enough to convince you currently that climbing into the machine is not as serious a death sentence, the fact of the matter is that, yes, it is a metal monster on four wheels that drives on roads. If you keep your eyes shut, maybe you will not vomit as soon as you stumble out of the door.

Your stomach hurts. A lot of your body hurts, actually. You do not remember the “fight” with much clarity, but you do understand your head hurrying. You have yet to get a good look at yourself, but if you had to guess by the stains on your fingers that you can now identify as blood, the bad taste in your mouth that you are fairly sure is vomit and the flaky stuff on your face that also looks suspiciously blood-like, you would hasten to guess the answer is “not great”. You certainly do not feel great, if that is indicative of anything.

He has not said a word so far.

You do not force conversation, now. You would prefer not to talk about the ordeal, anyways.

There are monitors that he is staring at in order to steer. Why he would not just get an actual steering wheel or the old hull of a car from a junkyard is beyond you, though you guess a hippie van would not offer the same armored protection as a subway car.

“We got molested by a sea monster today.”

You look over at him, eyes half lidded. You want to sleep. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” His eyes are focused on the screens. “Apparently it liked my submarine.”

“That’s… a thing.” You rub your hands on your thighs absentmindedly. “How did that work out?”

“Fine. It wasn’t all that strong.”

Your lips curl up into a weak smile. “That’s good, then. The mission went alright?”

He nods. “Without a hitch, funny enough.”

“That’s cool.”

The conversation dies as quickly as it starts.

The drive from that point on is an uncomfortably quiet one. You pick blood from under your nails, thumbs occasionally tracing the scars on your fingers— you are still not used to the difference in texture— as the hum or an engine rumbles underneath you. You are reminded of a memory from when you were younger, driving down the hallway, basking in the warmth of your own body heat with your arms tucked to your chest from under your top layer. The machine you were in now was colder, staler, but the hum of the engine, the time, all reminded you quietly of simpler times.

You swallow thickly. ‘I’m such a coward.’ You shut your eyes gently, stomach churning. ‘I’m going to get the people I care about hurt, aren’t I?’

Donnie says something.

The Shellraiser is stopped. You look up at him. “Huh?”

When he was younger, he and his brothers did not know the limits of their own strength. When they were first learning to fight, when they were first sent to spar against one another when their sensei was asleep, they would often go a step or three too far. He was never one to get involved— his brothers were stronger, more enthusiastic fighters— but he remembered distinctly what they would look like the morning after a fight, cheeks and eyes various shades of purples and blues and blacks. They would ask him, on occasion, after particularly brutal brawls, for him to paint over whichever brother’s face— usually Raphael or Leo— to hide them from their father. He got used to the sight, got better at understanding their anatomy, which chemicals mixed together would do which things.

He is getting sufficiently tired of seeing you hurt the worst he has ever seen.

You look so small in the seat, face black and blue, hands shaking. Your skin is paler than when you two first met, less healthy, a thin coat of sweat coating your skin and hair stuck to the back of your neck. Your dress— he has never seen you in one— is stained with rust, hidden poorly from under your jacket. He can tell already which bruises will take a while to disperse, where she had busted your nose and slammed your head against something hard. You need a shower and water and a blood test to make sure you do not die from whatever Karai gave you.

He clears his throat again. “I don’t want to be rude.”

“You’re doing me a favor. You have a right.”

He does not look you in the eyes. “It’s just… can I ask a question?”

You sigh. Even your voice sounds tired. “Shoot.”

His fingers trace the rim of the steering wheel. He takes a slow breath. “Why didn’t you call?”

“When she cornered me, you mean?”

A nod.

He glances over at you, staring down at your hands, turning them over. “You were on a mission. I didn’t want to mess it up.”

“I would’ve come, you know.”

“I know.” You smile ruefully. “That’s why I didn’t.”

His fingers grip the wheel again, trying to not openly overreact. “Y/N,” he says carefully, “if a mission fails because we need to come save you from Karai, then we fail the mission.”

“How many people in New York would die if you guys did fail?”

“That’s not the point.”

“It is.” You look up at him. “You get yourself in a lot of trouble because of me. You have to make sure I don’t kill myself all the time. Think logically, Donnie.”

He snorts, heart pounding in suppressed, almost overwhelming frustration. “Are you going to say something about thinking logically?”

“Fair point. But you get mine, right?”

“I don’t, actually.” He leans back in his chair, fingers gripping tighter still. “The only reason we’re messing with the Kraang at all, the only reason we started all this, is because I saw you and wanted to help you.” He counts on his fingers. “The only people I really, honestly care about this much are my family and you, and I know that, if I had never met you,” and he looks you dead in the eyes now, “I would just make a filtration system for my family and that would be the end of it.”

Your eyes are still gorgeous. Behind the bruises and the blood, you really are stunning.

“Sure,” he concedes, “maybe Leo would’ve gotten involved because he’s that selfless. I would’ve gone along with it, since he’s my brother and all, but if that were the case…” He takes a slow breath to calm down. He never thought it would come out right now at all times. “If that were the case, I would’ve never tried red velvet cupcakes. Mikey wouldn’t have a friend outside of the family. I never would’ve learned about crime movies, or had talks about science with anyone but myself, or any of the thousand other things you’ve given us.” He does not know exactly when he grabs your hands, but he is now, and you are so warm and alive right now. “I care about you. We care about you. You have to know that. For fuck’s sake,” he laughs, “I’ve told you outright, before!”

You open your mouth to say something. No words come out, for once.

He squeezes your hands. He cannot tell if your heart feels like his does, the straining against his chest, the aching feeling. He was never good at reading people or emotions or any of that.

But it’s time now. He can barely think. If he does not now, he might not ever.

“I love you, Y/N.”

Table of Contents

Chapter 15

Chapter 17

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