#and he's also pissed at 'Val' for trying to talk to him in private

[vengeful-velvette]

Hey thanks for answering my ask! Yeah I agree, I think dealing with soul ownership in a body swap fic in this particular universe is a bit tricky.

How I view it is that the owner has ownership over the sinners body, but not their mind. So if Angel and Alastor swapped bodies, I imagine that Valentino is still able to force Angel's body/Alastor to do whatever, but he can't force Alastor to tell him anything he doesn't want to reveal.

He can't force Alastor to tell him a secret. But he can force Angel, who is in Alastor's body, to tell him a secret.

As for how this works if someone swapped with Valentino? I honestly I have no idea. I would assume they would still have ownership over whoever Valentino owns, but I definitely think it doesn't feel the same. It's kinda like a glitch? Idk, this is just how I personally view body swapping and soul ownership.

I know you said that you're not gonna focus on the 666 universe, which is like, extremely valid because a body swap is already pretty plot intensive, never mind adding the whole 666 dynamic into it!

But..... after I sent in this ask I couldn't quite get this idea out of my head, as it kept spiraling and spiraling as I kept thinking, "well, what if this happens...." "and what if what happens after that" "oh! That's pretty interesting, what if it happened...."

So after many "what ifs" I word vomited all of my Thoughts into my notes app. So why not share them here (maybe then the "what ifs" will stop tormenting me)

Expanding on this a little more on the idea of this body swap happening in the 666 live on air series. (With Vox and Valentino switching, and Angel and Alastor switching bodies)

I imagine that for Vox, being Valentino isn't all that difficult. In his introduction episode we see that Vox is actually really good at manipulating people and putting up an act to get what he wants (for example, when he's annoyed at Valentino but convinces him not to go to the Hotel and pick a fight with Charlie).

There's also the fact that Vox knows Valentino rather well, so I bet he knows all his little mannerisms and how to act like him. I bet he also knows what a typical day shoot looks like, as Valentino talks about them enough for Vox to pick up the basics, and Vox is so plugged into the internet that he must know what's popular in the porn industry at any given time.

Plus I could see Vox viewing it as a good opportunity to improve Valentino's image. Val is so difficult to control on a normal day, but now making sure that Val acts "perfect" is eaiser than ever.

That's not to say that I think this whole situation isn't stressing Vox out, it definitely is. It's one thing for him to be controlling Valentino's body, but another one entirely for Valentino to be controlling his. Now he has to work double time making sure that he appears the same as Valentino, while also making sure Val isn't fucking up Voxtek.

(Not to mention that Valentino is fucking blind and Vox has to put so much brain power into not bumping into everything)

When the day of the shoot with "Angel Dust" comes up, he thinks that Angel is lucky because for once he's going to have a "Valentino" that's too busy to get involved in the scene. As he picked out a random scene list from the pile and is half distracted with texting Val instructions on what to do regarding Voxtek to really pay him much attention.

Now switching over to Alastor and Angel's side; tbh I don't have as many thoughts on the two's thought process, or how exactly they handle the whole "Valentino owns Angel's soul, but Alastor is in his body so while technically he doesn't own Alastor, he can puppet the body he's currently inhabiting".

But I imagine that Angel will insist on tagging along with Alastor to a shoot. (If Angel is actually like, contractually forced to attend shoots, because I can totally see the two of them faking an accident or something to get Alastor out of it until the gang figures out a way to reverse the body swap)

But for now the two worlds intersect as "Angel" and "Alastor" are in the studio with "Valentino".

Vox has literally no idea why Alastor is here, and while a part of him is always pleased to see him (or, the vague shape that he sees of Alastor through Val's eyes), he knows that Valentino wouldn't be impressed to see him and tries to shoo him out the door and get the shoot underway so he can get back to running two businesses at once.

Something, something, Vox finally clues in that Angel and Alastor has switched bodies

(which is really a combination of factors: "Angel" being weirdly hesitant to start the scene, and acting in a way that's weirdly familiar, while "Alastor" acting totally foreign.

With the tipping point being that the weird way the soul contract is feeling, since "he" technically owns Angel's soul, that's not currently in his body but Alastor's, and him also owning Angel's body, which doesn't have his soul in it. Idk, I just imagine that the body swap reacts weirdly with body swaps. Plus there's the fact that he also swapped bodies with Valentino, so he's more inclined to automatically believe a body swap.)

And this is when the real panic sets in for Vox because he knows that "Angel" (Alastor) can't actually perform the shoot because he knows that Alastor wouldn't be comfortable with that and he's actually starting to care about Alastor, while also being acutely aware that they're in "public", or at least, in company who will absolutely take out their phones and record the trio if they start acting off.

So Vox very much wants to grab Angel/Alastor and shove him into an empty room and ask what the fuck is going on, but both Angel and Alastor aren't really comfortable with the idea of "Valentino" taking "Angel" into a private room, especially when he seems agitated.

So there's this rising point of tension where Vox really just wants to talk to "Angel" in private, and the actual Angel is starting to get really stressed that Valentino is getting more and more angry because he knows what Val is like when he's angry. But he doesn't want Alastor alone with him, while also wanting to do what "Valentino" is saying to hopefully calm him down.

And Alastor, who doesn't want to be alone with "Valentino" because he knows, or can take a pretty good guess, of what's going to happen behind closed doors (which is wrong because he hasn't put together the pieces that Vox is in Valentino's body), and is going against "Valentino" because he's pissing him off.

I can also see Alastor thinking "well, I do kinky stuff with Vox, what's so different this time? It's not like people know it's me" and thus is trying to start the shoot because he believes that it's "safer" (he also wants to piss off Valentino by not listening to him, and he's once again bitting off more than he can chew with his hubris on full display).

While both Vox and Angel really don't want Alastor to start the shoot because they know what actually goes on during one, and can guess that Alastor won't be comfortable, and wouldn't really have a way to stop it without seeming "out of character".

And Vox really just wants to talk to Alastor in private, because people are starting to whisper and he can see hands going towards phones. So a part of him wants to use the stupid contract to get Alastor alone, but he also knows that Alastor would hate that and that could destroy the relationship they've been carefully building up.

So in the middle of all of this rising tension, Vox eventually is just like "fuck it!" And physically grabs both Angel and Alastor and shoves them into a empty dressing room. And is like "hey what the fuck are you doing?!" And explains the whole body swap fiasco on his side.

I'm not quite sure how the rest of the scene goes. But I definitely think the tension breaks once everything is explained. With Vox possibly playing up roughing up "Angel" behind the closed door and stating that he "sent the whore home" or something to get Alastor out of the shoot.

Anyway, this was really supposed to be a quick "hey, wouldn't that be interesting" that kinda spiraled. Idk, maybe I'll make a "inspired by" fic and actually write this fic, because obviously I have ideas, lol. If I have permission to write the fic, of course, I feel a little bad about writing something based in a fic series I didn't write.

Idk, it feels a little weird to take a dynamic (from the 666 series) and swipe it. So I'll probably just continue to rotate the Thoughts and Ideas in my head as I've been doing lol.

Anyway, thanks for reading my long rambles once again, maybe now that the thoughts have been released they will finally let me be Free lol.

Ohhh I love a good body swap!

I love how there's some really good angst potential (like basically anyone swapping with Angel), and also comedy (Alastor and Vox, the Vees, etc).

I also like to imagine that there's multiple body swaps going around at once, just because I think it would be even more chaotic. Like, for example, maybe Alastor and Angel Dust swap, and the Vees also swap. I initially thought it would be really funny if Valentino and Vox swapped, because then there's the interesting dynamic of Vox technically having ownership of "Alastor's' soul (or the very least, the body Alastor is currently inhabiting).

Also, this could go two very directions. If this is in the 66.6 universe, then it has the option of ending more humorous as Vox clues into the situation as he's trying to act like Valentino and is internally like "SHIT SHIT SHIT" because on one hand he doesn't want to absolutely nuke the relationship they've barely built from obit, but Keeping Up Appearances in front of People is also very important to him.

This is doubly funny if Alastor hasn't quite put all the pieces together yet, and doesn't know it's Vox in Valentino's body, and doesn't really get why "Valentino" is try to get him alone in an empty room (so Vox can yell at him and be like "what the fuck??? What the FUCK!!)

But also, there's an interesting dynamic if this isn't in the 66.6 universe and Vox just hates (while still being obsessed with) Alastor. As Vox finally, actually, has power over Alastor.

Idk, I know you're writing, or like, planning out a body swap fic, and this isn't like, a Demand to do it this way. More so a "hey, wouldn't this be Fucked up and Interesting?"

OKAY I'M FINALLY HOME AND CAN REPLY TO THIS PROPERLY!

I think the soul ownership aspect of the body swap is really interesting, because you have to really get into what headcanons you're working with for how it works. Does your soul own the other soul, or does your body own the other soul? And is a soul defined as your consciousness, or are your body and your soul unanimous since you're in hell and presumably your soul just takes the shape it does in hell as your body because you certainly weren't a 7'4" spider in real life?

Anyway, I'm definitely going non-666verse and also def going the angst route for this fic, haha, and I'm admittedly specifically avoiding involving Vox much because that'd make the whole thing like 3x more complicated and I'm trying to keep it to the three-chapter outline I have! I think you're right and that involving Vox in realizing that he has actual, genuine power over Alastor has the potential to get absolutely wild. We see him act pretty zany because he's losing it over Alastor a lot, but the moments we see him where he's not going bananas over his crush make it pretty clear that the guy is both competent and fairly ruthless. I'm sure he'd figure out a way to take major advantage!

[chaifootsteps]

One of the many things that bugged me in the final, was Al's segment in the last few minutes, mostly because like everything in this show there was so much missed potential. So I present a part of a re-write I would love to do, this part focusing on Al because he could have been really cool and not an edge lord. Also most of this is stuff I've seen in other asks/re-writes that I think would be cool.

So Al in this version is pretty close with pilot/original Al. He was still a serial killer who loves to make deals. He has his code for killing of killing those who take advantage of the weak and most of his deals are deals of protection(ie. every time you help me, you can call on me to help you that number of times), he still makes deals for his own gain of course and is still as ominous as in the pilot. Also he functions like a warlock from dnd, with no real power of his own. Also also, he never swears at all, not once and if he does its a more old timey swear, he cannot talk with out his staff and has to perpetually smile.

Have him keep his sentiment from the pilot that he's here at the hotel for his own amusement and that he does not care about anybody in it. Have Al start of as very aloof and keep him this way for the frist 10(give or take) episodes(also give the show more episodes). Have Al never use his powers on screen have only give hints that he's as powerful as everybody says he is. Over the first season have the cast grow to like each other more Al include but much much more mildly. The main villains of s1 should be the Vs also save Heaven for last or later. So s1 final, the Vs attack the hotel or sm and the main cast + sinners who have checked in to the hotel(believing it not to be a lost cause, which also gives Charlie some extra motivation). During this have a part where Al has to use his suposed powers only to reveal that he has none or that they are extremely weak. At some point either durning or before his 7 year sabbatical they where either taken or disappears for some reason(maybe because of a deal he broke?). After this have Al use what little magic he has to teleport away leaving the hotel(because he's a coward/does not want to be seen as weak in anyway). The cast gets the Vs to leave them alone with one of Sir. Pent's machines bc he's the best and we love him.

Another thing that I want to do is show Al being aroace. Have an episode where he goes with Angel to the Vs tower just to mess with Vox but they run into Val and Alastor is very obviously uncomfortable near him, you could even have Angel notice this and try to have Val piss off.

Ok moving on to next season, Al is missing and have the gang(mostly Niffty and Husk bc in this au those three are friends and you can pry that from my dead hands. Also Husk and Al have a deal of mutual protection, they help each other out. Hell this could be another reason why Al left at the fight because he could do anything to help Husk.) start looking around pride to try and find him. They do and he immediately teleports away leading to a short chase until Al runs out of magic. Then the rest of main cast confront him about the whole ordeal. I'm not sure how exactly it goes but Al durning the whole conversation is trying to doge all questions and lie as much as he can(the main cast after this still don't know all the details but the main idea is that, Al had a deal with somebody who gave him powers when he first entered hell, maybe Lilith? And 7 years ago he broke it somehow, leaving him to disappear trying to regain lost power). Husk and Niffty manage to convince him to keep helping the hotel and probably question him more in private. I'm not sure what the rest of s2 would be about, I know that s1 is about more sinners checking into the hotel and also getting Angle away from Val. s2 Might be about Charlie finally getting to talk w/ Heaven and would you look at that they love the idea of a hotel for sinners to reform because heaven likes the exterminations about as much as hell does(exterminations are still about over population in this au). Also s2 introduces Lucifer.

I'm not quite sure what exactly happens in s3 and 4 but I know that in s3 Al starts believing in the hotel more and caring about the people in it(would he ever admit this? no.). Somebody in this season also presents him with betraying the hotel which he says no to. Idk how s4 goes but it ends with some angels(not all of them, only the most dedicated exterminators) going to hell against heavens rules to kill as many sinners as they can. They get stopped obviously but I still need to work out more details.

I'm still working on sorting out other stuff for this re-write also sorry if this is really long or annoying, I've had this sitting in my brain all week. If you don't mind I might also send asks about the other characters in the re-write

Good rewrite! Interesting stuff!

[allykatsart]

pls i’m so feral about your deer boi oc tell me more i wanna know how the whole everyone notices he’s terrified of alastor thing goes

Who is Peccantum?

HO BOY YOU ASKED FOR IT-

Husk, of course, is the first to notice.

He's a gambler, bartender, and is far more attentive than other sinners give him credit for. Of course he notices Peccantum is treading on eggshells everywhere, and not just for comedic effect. The young buck is genuinely terrified of Alastor.

However, Husk isn't one to act on that information. Not only is it none of his business, Husk is also kind of in the same boat as Peccantum. Honestly, the bartender thinks Peccantum's fear is warranted. He does soften over time, but what can he do, really?

Angel Dust is the first to help.

It would be post episode 4, when Angel really starts to connect with others at the hotel. Angel just kinda always assumed Peccantum was a panicky, on edge weirdo. As they get to know each other a little more, Angel realizes that's not actually the case. Peccantum is usually a sarcastic, passionate, clever guy! So the way the bellhop acts around Alastor... It reminds Angel a touch too much of his situation with Val

(Not in romance or assault, but in the 'Im going to fuck with you for my own amusement' way)

So, Angel starts doing little things. He doesn't want to piss off the strawberry pimp, so no direct confrontation, but he can still help Peccantum not get jump scared. Angel greets Alastor out loud when Alastor enters a room quietly. He lingers in rooms where Peccantum would be alone otherwise. Small things that prepare Peccantum beforehand.

In return, Peccantum makes Angel warm drinks when Angel comes back from a long day. He learns recipes that Angel likes and cooks dinner. He gives Angel a book called "A hundred and one dirty jokes for the wickedly perverted." Small things.

They don't talk about it, and it's not a foolproof strategy, but it helps.

Sir Pentious, the best friend, takes it very seriously.

Sir Pentious doesn't pick up on it like Husk and Angel do, so it takes an actual conversation with Peccantum about it for him to realize it's serious. Pentious and Peccantum are Science Buddies™️ so it doesn't take long before Pentious starts coming up with inventions that might help! Magic seeking goggles, ocular augmentations, even a scanner to help identify Alastor before he appears! They have a little fun with it.

In the end, though, Pentious keeps it simple. He and Peccantum develop a secret hand signal for if Peccantum needs someone to distract Alastor. That way Peccantum can slip away and calm himself down if he's spiraling!

They also develop a secret handshake but that's beside the point.

Charlie....

Despite what everyone thinks, Charlie isn't stupid. She's observant and empathetic, and quickly picks up that Peccantum is nervous around Alastor. She can understand that, Hell, sometimes the Radio Demon makes her nervous! She's also a fixer, so would try to resolve the issue with diplomacy and setting boundaries. Sure, Alastor probably doesn't care about Peccantum, but Alastor does listen to her!

But she doesn't have the context.

I don't think Peccantum would tell her anything, and may actively try to keep his thoughts about Alastor private from her. I also think Alastor has made it clear that if Peccantum tries to hide behind Charlie, he's in for a lot worse than just some scares. Alastor defers to Charlie out of obligation and opportunity, but he refuses to have others use her to manipulate himself. Especially not a soul he owns.

Peccantum, of course, complies. He has to convincingly lie to Charlie, which makes his stomach squirm with guilt, but it's fine. He's overreacting anyways. It's fine. It's the price he chose to pay for power.

As long as he has magic, he shouldn't care what Alastor decides to do with him.

It's fine.

(No, it's not)

[crow-rodriguez]

Chapter Ten: Love and Loss

*trigger warning: implied r4p3, 4boose*

I had been at that camp for a month, being constantly beaten and humiliated as ways to ‘fix’ me. I was trying to endure as much as I could, luckily the pills I bought from Finneley had worked wonders to numb the pain I felt constantly. 

Danyol and I had become pretty good friends, alongside a lot of the kids who were there with us. We had all made a plan to meet after the counselors went to sleep every night. And this night was no different.

I climbed out the window of my cabin, walking to the meeting spot in the woods. I hugged Danyol and Saige as I arrived, smiling when I saw that they had booze and cigarettes, “both of you, marry me,” I told them.

“Thought you have an Ivy League Princess,” Saige joked as she handed me a bottle.

“How is Lynn by the way?”  Danyol said as he sipped his beer, leaning against a tree. 

“She’s doing good. She’s having so much fun, she says she might not come home when her two-month trip is over,” I said, smiling as I laughed a bit. 

The three of us drank and hung out until we saw flashlights coming, someone snitched on us. Danyol and Saige scattered, but as I was running, I was grabbed and dragged back to the camp by my hair. I was thrown into a solitary confinement type room and looked in there for hours until the camp director came in to talk to me.

“So, you’re still convinced that you’re a lesbian?” He asked me as he smirked, “alright, time to use a different method of fixing you,” he said as he approached me and grabbed me by the arm. He threw me towards the camp counselors, who blindfolded me then threw me back over to the director, “y’know, I should really thank my daughter for snitching on you and Danyol. She’s such a helper,” he told me as he tied my arms up before I heard what sounded like a belt being undone.

I realized what was about to happen, “d-don’t touch me, my parents will be pissed!!” I shouted, crying out when I was smacked. “Your parents signed a waiver, Sweetheart,” he told me.

The next day, I woke up in my cabin. I got up and felt pain all over. My head and body ached as I reached for my bag to grab my pills, the memories of last night filled my mind before I popped two of the pills. I then grabbed my phone and hid it in my bra, getting up and going to the shower rooms. I locked myself into the shower room and grabbed my phone from my bra, dialing Ethan’s number before I put it to my ear. I hoped he would answer and he did, thank fuck…

“Val? What’s wrong?” he asked me, seeming to sense my distress.

I started crying at the sound of his voice, I couldn't believe it but I had to admit it, “Ethan, please save me. I’m breaking…” I told him and he seemed to know what I needed.

“I’m on my way, does Dannii need a ride home too?” he asked.

“I-i think so,” I said, sniffling.

“Ok, go tell him to pack his bag and meet me by the road when I message you,” he told me before he hung up. I quickly pretended that I had been showering before I left the shower room to find Danyol.

I walked for a bit, finding Danyol who looked like he had as rough of a night as I did, he was also wearing a hoodie that hid all of his long black hair. I grabbed his hand gently and whispered to him, “pack your bags and meet me in the woods, we’re getting out of here,” I told him. He nodded and we parted ways until we met in the park. 

We walke for a while until we found Ethan’s car, getting into it before Ethan looked at us and saw how bad we looked,”our first stop in the fucking hospital,” he said before he started driving and took to the ER where Danyol and I were checked out. 

I was taken to a private room to have a rapekit done on me as well as Danyol, which made my blood boil to think that he also went through such a horrible experience. 

Later, he and I were put into a hospital room together. That was when I had seen why he was wearing a hoodie over his head, his hair was cut to his ears. I gasped, knowing that in his culture that hair was important, “they cut your hair!?” I asked, feeling horrible to see that something so important to him had been destroyed.

He nodded, avoiding contact but I could tell that his hair being cut had nearly broken him. I knew he took great pride in his culture and my heart broke entirely for him, “Saige snitched on us,” he said after a long moment of silence.

“I know,” I said as I got up and walked over to him, “I hate hospitals but at least I’m not alone this time,” I sighed as I hoped he and I could help each other heal.

Danyol looked at me and nodded, smiling a bit as he gave my hand a squeeze, “same,” he said as I rested my head on his shoulder, suddenly something about him made my heart race. 

A few hours later, two police officers came and I saw that one of them was Officer Lopez, he saw me and looked shocked. He looked at his partner and pointed towards me before he walked over to me, “Ms. Rodriguez, we meet again. I’m saddened that it’s under these circumstances” he said, “would you mind following me this way so I can get your statement?” he asked.

“Yes, Officer,” I said as I got up and looked at Danyol, “I’ll be right back,” I told him as I followed Lopez. 

Officer Lopez walked into the breakroom with me and had me sit down across from him, pulling out a voice recorder before he started recording and spoke again, “this is Officer Scot Lopez, badge number 2267. I am helping with the investigation of the Saint Samual’s Christian Summer camp. I am currently recording the statement from… please state your name for the records,” he looked at me. 

I nodded my head before I spoke, “V-valentina Julietta Rodriguez, most people call me Val though,” I started, watching as he gave me a thumbs up.

“Val, what was your first interaction with Mr. Prescott?” he asked me, “when was the first time you met him or his daughter, Saige Prescott?” he looked at me, “please do not leave out a single detail,” he added.

“My first interaction with Saige Prescott was on the bus from Rothwell, Texas to the woods of Rothwell which is very big. Very best as you likely know. She came up to me and presented herself as just another camper who was sent to the camp by her parents to be fixed,” I started, “she asked me what my name was and introduced herself as ‘Saige’. She then asked who I was texting when I was texting my girlfriend of a year, RaeLynn Ann Derickson,” I explained.

He nodded, “what was your first interaction with Mr. Prescott?” he asked as he gave me a comforting look. 

“The first day of camp, he called everybody into the mess hall and announced that from that day on, we would be taught how to be ‘good christian boys and girls’ and he made sure to emphasize that we were either girls or boys,” I explained, taking a deep breath, “he did not say anything about Saige being his daughter, in fact she was the first one to stand up. She stood on the table and talked about how this camp was shit and how we should riot but we’re kids and should be loved by our parents and families no matter what, and Mr. Prescott used her as an example, he burned her back with a hot rod right in front of everyone,” I told him.

Lopez nodded, looking horrified. He quickly took a deep breath and composed himself, “alright, may I ask about your relationship with the other victim, Danyol Malachi Williamson?” he asked, “how long have you known him?”

I nodded, “Dannii and I have known each other since we were in seventh grade, he was dating my girlfriend until a month before RaeLynn and I started dating,” I explained, “he and I weren’t exactly close until we started at camp though, that is when we started to bond,” I added.

“Now, can you recall last night? Any of the events?” Lopaz asked.

I nodded as I took a deep breath, “Danni, Saige and I snuck out of our cabins late last night, we met in a spot about a mile away from camp. We sat and started smoking and drinking. Dannii and I had a habit of doing this, it was the only way we thought we’d survive the summer. But yesterday, Dannii invited Saige to join us. Neither of us thought she’d backstab us,”  I explained, trying to keep my composure as I continued, “we soon saw flashlights in the distance and we tried to run but I am disabled so I can't run very easily. I was grabbed and dragged back to Mr. Prescott's cabin. Where he told me that he needed to try a new way of ‘breaking’ me,” I said.

Lopez nodded, “what way did he mean?” He asked me.

“He meant raping me. He blindfolded and tied me up which I stated that my parents would be pissed if he did anything to me, he then smacked me and told me that my parents signed a waiver, before I heard him take his belt and pants off… then he… assaulted me for a while before I passed out,” I explained, “and I woke up this morning in my cabin,” 

Lopez nodded, “how did you get away from the camp? Who picked you up?” He asked me.

“My older brother, Ethan Edmundo Valentino Rodriguez. I snuck my phone to the shower rooms and called him while I locked myself in the shower rooms. He answered after the second ring, he always answered my calls. He promised before I arrived at camp that he would come get me if I needed help,” I explained, “I didn't need to tell him what happened, I just told him that I needed help and then he told me to pack my bags, get any of my friends, and run. Which I did, I found Dannii and told him to pack my bags and be ready for my text message. Then earlier this afternoon, Ethan messaged me, so I messaged Dannii and we ran to the woods. We found Ethan and his car, we got into the car and he drove us directly to the hospital because he saw how badly we were bruised u[p,” I told him, being honest and forthcoming.

Lopez nodded, “thank you, Valentina. I will need to ask you to write all of that down for a written statement,” he told me, handing me a pen and a couple pages of notebook paper. He turned the recorder off then he got up and left me to write my statement while I wrote everything word for word what I told Lopez. 

When I finished, I got up and handed the papers to Lopez and went back to Danyol, sitting next to his bed again, “are you ok, Dannii?” I asked him.

“I want this to be over with…” Danyol mumbled to me as he looked at me, having such a broken look in his eyes, “I’m so tired…”

I nodded, “I know, let me go get someone to see if you’re able to get some rest,” I told him as I stood up and went to ask a doctor.

[asongofstarkandtargaryen]

JON SNOW - HUMOROUS MOMENTS Shocking news: The Black Bastard can actually smile and laugh!

Jon is often seen as a silent broody emo teen. He can be grumpy at times (especially in ADWD where his responsiblilites have take a toll on him) however he also can laugh at funny and nice situations. After all, if he disliked laughing and having a good time he wouldn’t have picked Pyp (aka the man “joking” is my middle name) as one of his closest friends. The truth is that he prefers to listen to his friends’ jokes and laughing along with them instead of being the one who cracks the jokes (but if occassion calls it, he can also do that).First, let’s examine some scenes of Jon laughing and on the second part of his meta I’ll include some of Jon’s japes.

My favourite scene feauting Jon laughing is the one after he and Ghost comforted Sam. The poor boy who was crying up to that moment, started to laugh and so did Jon. That sweet scene of them was a great beggining to my favourite asoiaf friendship:

It was Ghost who knew what to do. Silent as shadow, the pale direwolf moved closer and began to lick the warm tears off Samwell Tarly's face. The fat boy cried out, startled … and somehow, in a heartbeat, his sobs turned to laughter.

Jon Snow laughed with him. Afterward they sat on the frozen ground, huddled in their cloaks with Ghost between them.

After they become friends those two keep having their private jokes:

[Jon:]"Toad sometimes sings too, if you call it singing. Drinking songs he learned in his father's winesink. Pyp says his voice is piss poured over a fart." They laughed at that together.

Jon is often seen laughing over some joke Pyp makes. Here is an example where pretty much everyone in their group is laughing (except from Grenn):

"Ho," said Pyp. "Listen to the crow call the raven black. You're certain to be a ranger, Toad. They'll want you as far from the castle as they can. If Mance Rayder attacks, lift your visor and show your face, and he'll run off screaming."

Everyone laughed but Grenn.

And ofc, Pyp the comedian of their group managed to make Jon smile even when he teases him:

Pyp grinned. "The Night's Watch is thousands of years old," he said, "but I'll wager Lord Snow's the first brother ever honored for burning down the Lord Commander's Tower."The others laughed, and even Jon had to smile.

Sweet memories of Jon’s childhood in Winterfell is something that also give him enough joy to express it through a laugh:

[...] I was walking the wall around the yard when I came on you and your brother Robb. It had snowed the night before, and the two of you had built a great mountain above the gate and were waiting for someone likely to pass underneath."

"I remember," said Jon with a startled laugh

Speaking of Winterfell and childhood Jon and Arya used to finish each other’s sentances and laugh afterwards. Also, let’s remember the prank he and his brother Robb pulled on their younger siblings where Jon in order to make them afraid he was dressed as a ghost /  This sshows that even as a child,Jon had developed a sense of humor and had no problem to pull a harmless prank in order to have fun.

Moving on the time he spend with Wildings, he started to laugh more often. He is shown to laugh when he meets a giant for the first time, and of course he laughs around Ygritte, the girl he likes, because that’s joy and being in love for the first time go hand in hand.

Ygritte stumbled into the pool and screeched at the cold of the water. When Jon laughed, she pulled him in too.

Another time, he almost burst into laughing is when he obeseves tbe metting of Val and Ser Patrek.

"How odd, when she has never seen me." Val patted Ser Patrek on the head. "Up with you now, ser kneeler. Up, up." 

She sounded as if she were talking to a dog.It was all that Jon could do not to laugh

And Val treating a knight as a dog was very funny to me too. So I can’t blame Jon for trying really hard not to show he’s amused by the situation.

I wouldn’t exactly say that Jon cracks the best jokes or that he’s an extremely funny person. His humor is rather dry and sometimes when he tries to make a joke his attempts are less than successful (not only in universe but also outside of it, Personally, I get some second hand embarassment about some of his jokes xD).

Let’s list some of them starting with one he made in order to make his Black Brothers feel at east even for a while during the Batlle of Castle Black:

The chariots, the horsemen, all those fools on foot . . . what are they going to do to us up here? Any of you ever see a mammoth climb a wall?" He laughed, and Pyp and Owen and half a dozen more laughed with him.

Jon has also made a joke about Queen Selyse’s appearance (imo, it’s so bad that makes me laugh because of it):

They made their way toward the King's Tower, along fresh-shoveled pathways between mounds of dirty snow. "I have heard it said that your queen has a great dark beard."J

on knew he should not smile, but he did. "Only a mustache. Very wispy. You can count the hairs."

Here is Jon joking and being a smartass towards his fellow new NW recruits:

“You make us look bad', complained Toad.

'’You looked bad before I ever met you'’, Jon told him.

My favourite Jon Snow´s joke  is the one he makes while he´s trying to mock Ser Allister Thorne (that pain in the ass totally deserved it):

Alliser Thorne overheard him. "Lord Snow wants to take my place now." He sneered. "I'd have an easier time teaching a wolf to juggle than you will training this aurochs.”

"I'll take that wager, Ser Alliser," Jon said. "I'd love to see Ghost juggle."

Jon being audacious owns my heart, And he also manages to irritate Allister Thorne so this is always a bonus in my book. You go and tell him, boy!

I decided to close this meta with a quote that highlights that even the supposed gloomy Jon Snow will find time to laugh and have fun because joy is needed in order to survive his harsh world’s reality

Jon had to laugh. Even now, even here. Ygritte had been fond of Longspear Ryk. He hoped he found some joy with Tormund's Munda. Someone needed to find some joy somewhere.

[spider-provider]

Any headcanons for overlord angel?

A few! I was kind of trying to think of a backstory for him as I was drawing this piece so lemme see if I can put them all together 

So we all know that at some point Angel probably made a deal with Valentino and signed some sort of contract with him. We also know that Valentino isn’t the nicest pimp Angel could have -sending him out right after exterminations, trying to isolate him by making him stay in the studio, manhandling him when he tries to defend himself. We can probably assume there’s worse stuff going on behind the scenes that we haven’t seen yet in the prequel comic. So Angel, rightfully, finally had enough of the abuse and manipulation and possessiveness. I imagine Angel’s first step to becoming an overlord was offing Valentino. He found a guy, a friend of a friend, probably through his crime family’s connections, who was selling holy weapons on the black market. Angel purchased one of these holy weapons -a Tommy gun, of course, full of holy bullets made from the melted heads of angel spears. He kissed Valentino goodbye and let loose a hail of bullet shaped revenge. He keeps the feather from Valentino’s hat as a memento, or maybe a better word for it is prize.

Of course, something like offing an overlord isn’t going to stay quiet, and it’s not going to reflect well on the Happy Hotel. Angel and Vaggie get into another fight about it, even worse than the one they had after Angel joined in on Cherri’s turf war. But the only reason Angel was staying at the hotel in the first place -not that he would tell any of them- was to stay safe from Valentino. With Val gone, and Angel having no desire to redeem himself, and Vaggie and Charlie lecturing him about killing someone, he decides on a whim to say fuck it and leaves the hotel. He packs whatever’s important, grabs Nuggets, and leaves in the middle of the night. He doesn’t leave any note explaining where he’s going or why he’s leaving.

He takes up residence in the porn studio since, technically, it’s his. He was Val’s favorite, and even if Val didn’t have a will stating as such, he was the rightful successor. He’d killed Val, making all of Valentino’s territory and assets and contracts Angel’s. ...He’d killed Val, and now Angel was to take his place. The realization of this only just dawns on him now. That with Valentino’s death he was in a position to rise to power, become an overlord himself, something he’d never even dreamed of when he was under a contract. He hadn’t wanted to take over when he’d killed Valentino, he’d just wanted the abuse to stop. Sure, he’d accepted that he’d be running the porn studio now, not willing to fuck over all the sex workers who worked there. But now...He could have more than that, he could be more than that. He finds whatever safe Valentino keeps his contracts in, magical or otherwise, and finds his own contract. It’s void, the creator is dead, but Angel still destroys it, knowing it was one of the last true connections he had to Val and wanting to sever it before moving on.

If you’ve read Dinner Dates this next part will sound familiar, because it’s inspired by Angel’s change in that (amazing) fic (and some spoilers for it in this portion if you haven’t read it). Being under contract kept his own powers from manifesting the way they would had he been a free, uncontracted demon. So when he destroys his contract, all of the power that was sealed inside him is released. My overlord Angel isn’t an incubus, though, and doesn’t change as much physically. He does get taller for sure, at least another foot, and he grows a set of proper venomous fangs (and with the changes in his teeth his gold tooth falls out, replaced with a new tooth. He keeps his gold tooth as another memento). His eyes also change; two sets of primary eyes that have black sclera and magenta pupils and two pure black secondaries, making him more demon like and intimidating. He begins to keep all six arms out at all times. He’s much, much stronger, faster, has more stamina, the works. And through some trial and error he begins experimenting with demon magicks, figuring out what he can and can’t do with his new powers.

He lays low for a while, knowing he can’t make any official move to rise to power just yet. He needs time to figure everything out, test the limits of his new abilities and all that. In the meantime he hunts down everyone Val had a contract with to speak with them. He offers them a choice; their freedom, or a rewrite of their contract. Most know Angel personally, friends from the studio, and they stay on as his contracted workers. A few take their freedom. He makes a few of his own deals and contracts along the way, but he’s different. He doesn’t manipulate people like Val does. He doesn’t target those who are weak and down on their luck, or the freshly fallen newbies. When he offers and promises protection, he means it. He ain’t their pimp, he’s their Daddy, and he deals with the Johns that hurt his babies. He rarely takes a cut of their profits, and when he does, it’s usually because they insist. He helps the sinners who are new to sex work navigate safely through the city, giving them maps of areas and lists of other demons to avoid. He genuinely cares about every single demon under his employment, contracted or not, and he sees to it that all their needs are met. Uncontracted sex workers without pimps, or with abusive/controlling pimps, flock to him and beg for deals, wanting to be under his care and protection. With each deal he makes, his power grows.

Vox and Velvet, of course, are pissed. They lost one of their own, they lost a friend, but neither make a move to attack Angel just yet. They discuss privately what should be done, if they should destroy him before he takes the metaphorical throne, while he’s still busy pulling strings from the shadows, or if they should seek a partnership with him. After all, they were business partners with Val as well and their own businesses took a hit when he died. It would be beneficial to have Angel as an ally, even if he’s weaker and just starting to get his feet wet, if only to get the porn network back into their own businesses. It would also be beneficial for them to kill him and take Val’s old territory for themselves. But for now they prefer to watch and wait and see if the little upstart is even worth the time.

Angel’s first official power move as a new overlord is kinda fuzzy, just because we still don’t know too much about overlords - how they rise to power, what they really do, how they interact with each other, etc. Maybe he makes a formal speech about taking his place as Valentino’s successor, broadcasting it from the studio. Maybe he snatches up some juicy new hot spot a lot of other overlords had their eye on after an extermination. Maybe he shows up uninvited to some formal business meeting type gathering of overlords, all sweet as honey and full of sugary passive aggressiveness. Either way he begins flexing his new powers, starts making moves, starts to really get noticed by the other overlords. Some approach him with business offers, since the porn industries has become significantly more profitable since Angel’s take over. Some approach him with ill disguised threats, trying to put this whore with power fantasies and delusions of grandeur in his rightful place. One, who shall remain nameless, attempts to approach him a smile and camaraderie, but is turned away by the guards.

that’s all i’ve got the energy to type up now, but feel free to send in more questions! i’m really falling for overlord Angel and would be happy to talk more about him.

[dontasktheradiodemon]

❌ So yesterday night Alastor invited over a guest to cook dinner for.

❌ I could tell the second she arrived because I could hear frigging "Be Our Guest" start up in the lobby.

❌ I tried to avoid that whole scene, but from down a hall I definitely spotted a shadow-thing juggling dishes.

❌ He rewrote the lyrics. I didn't catch all of them, but I did hear "Can they sing? Who can tell! After all, doll, this is Hell!"

❌ If you're on the fence about checking into the hotel and you're a musical theater fan: if you come, there's basically a 100% chance that the Radio Demon will do a musical number for you.

((So @autokrates came over for dinner last night, and we decided not to roleplay it out, but we DID write a long semi-pseudo-roleplay summary of how that meeting would have gone, so for any parties who are interested, HERE'S THAT CHAT LOG))

Valera

So! Largely, I believe. Val showing up, a musical number happens, and then ingredient delivery

Alastor

Sounds right.

Then Alastor preps dinner, spends too much time fussing with this Newfangled Modern Machine With Settings And Dials, and they sit staring at a slow cooker for a while.

Valera

Ah yes, nothing like sitting in dead silence waiting for things with someone you don't know! She should have asked Pentious for-- OH YEAH. Slide a pamphlet over. He can busy himself with memorizing that for a little while

Alastor

He absolutely will. And he will politely play showtunes in the background for the benefit of his guest as he reads.

Valera

Ah, just the thing for her to occupy herself with. Quietly stimming by wiggling her fingers and tail to the music

Alastor

He'd probably say thanks for the info but uh why give it to him? (Not that he doesn't WANT it but like, it seems pretty private, he's surprised that Valera—and Sir Pent?—think he's worthy of being let in on where Sir Pentious is this week)

Alastor three days after falling asleep on the floor all tangled up with Sir Pent: haha yeah but it's not like we're CLOSE is it?

Valera

Dumb old men being dumb!!!

Alastor

HE JUST. ASSUMES HE'S WAY MORE INTO THIS THAN SIR PENT...

Valera

Pentious asked her to elaborate to Alastor what was happening, since she's still got a level head and experience with shedding. Which is convenient, because she'd fully intended to anyway. Pentious may want company, and Alastor needs to be prepared.

Alastor

OuO oh so he trusts Alastor that much huh. He will... file that fact away... somewhere in his heart

Valera

Aside from herself, he's the person Pentious trusts most. Casually sips materialized tea.

Alastor

Immediately tries to play it off like HAHA MUST BE A SHORT LIST. ... Which would probably be funnier if not for the fact that, like, it IS a short list.

Valera

She will... Refrain from commenting on the list being Two People long. But she will raise a very deliberate eyebrow at the way he avoids any signs of emotional attachment

Which actually reminds her! She owes him an apology.

Maybe multiple? Whatever.

Alastor

(He might be verbally avoiding signs of emotional attachment but outside of that, like, it's gonna be hard for her not to notice that his attention on the conversation goes from like 75% to 110% the moment Sir Pent comes into it and he drops everything to focus on the Info Pamphlet That Might Be Helpful For Sir Pent)

Genuinely :)? at that, apology for what

Valera

Well, a few things! Pentious shared Alastor's letters with her, which, yes he was asking for input, but it was a bit invasive.

Alastor

Goes from :)? to :]

Valera

And then for, what was it, outing him? The post was taken down, but if Pentious had mixed feelings about it, well. She can't assume how Alastor felt even if she did say it was an Opinion Piece.

Shrug!!

Alastor

Oh THAT? Sure Alastor thinks he saw that go by now that Val mentions it. It's exactly what she said: an opinion piece!!! Why, he's an infamous celebrity! Everyone has an opinion on him and most of them are wrong! He doesn't put much stock in them~

Valera

Regardless! Her bluntness charms some, but it can also be quite inappropriate. She hopes it didn't distress him too much, it was never her intention.

She is a POLITICIAN.

Alastor

Why, he hardly even noticed it.

Valera

Good! Looping back around to her beau, did Alastor have any other questions?

Alastor

... Anything he can send to help out?

(NOW he's all self-conscious, offering to do something NICE. gotta try to be all aloof about it)

Valera

(Wow he really IS like Pentious but Even Worse.. She is amazed.) Send? Oh, no dear fellow. Asking for food today was largely a cover to visit without having Vaggie relay all this information thirdhand. Though he did do quite a fine job of making the food, Pentious will love it.

(assuming, but the Smell)

Alastor

✨💖 Oh will he? That's good. 💖✨

Valera

Yes. Alastor cut the vegetables and meat into the perfect sizes to avoid a texture issue, couldn't have done it better herself. Prr prr

Alastor

(He's like Texture Issue???? but like. He's not gonna ask.)

Valera

She will GLOSS PAST THAT, THEN. Beyond the food, which was a lovely bonus, hmm... No, she's already providing the lotions and voice recordings for Pentious. Unless he's willing to be an in house cheer squad when the snake gets bored and blind, there isn't much he could do.

Alastor

Well, he'd be glad to come over for a visit if it'd lift his spirits—if Sir Pentious would want the visit?

Valera

She expects he will! He's.. Distressed.

Uncomfortable shift. SHE DOESN'T LIKE BEING SO VAGUE.

Alastor

Well now she's got 150% of Alastor's attention.

Valera

Twitchy Tail Time!!! Yes. Well, the pamphlet makes it very dry, but a shed is nothing short of agony. Itchy, painful, it leaves you blind and helpless. If you've already got... experiences with such things. It makes it worse. Pentious is barely into it and he's already ready to attack anything that moves.

Alastor

... Well! Let Alastor know when he can come by.

(He's got trouble wrapping his head around the idea of WANTING company while pained and helpless, but if Valera says he does, then Alastor is going by that)

(... and if Sir Pent gets pissed Alastor came over he's 100% pointing a finger at Val and going "well she said you'd like it")

Valera

(LMAO)

(Val would explain it as wanting a strong person present so you can feel protected and finally relax)

(She's appealed to Pentious' ego with that!!)

Hah! Yes, of course. Though he may need to go to Valera's home, fair warning. She's trying to coax Pentious into laying in her tub to get through this. She's got more equipment to deal with the symptoms, and a larger bathroom by far.

Alastor

Having a near stranger over sounds like something that should worry Valera more than Alastor! For him, it's a bonus.

Valera

OH MAKE NO MISTAKE. VAL'S NOT SURE ABOUT IT

BUT. she's confident Alastor isn't going to do anything dumb in her house

bc Pentious would FLIP SHIT

Alastor

She's already decided that Alastor won't behave himself out of basic decency as a guest or even out of a desire to maybe get invited back but he WILL behave himself solely because Sir Pent is there and he's feeling kind of called out. Called out in his own kitchen, in front of his own crock pot,

Valera

Raises an eyebrow

She's grinning but she shouldn't be when she's acting like a little shit

Alastor

BUT WHAT HE ACTUALLY SAYS IS of course he'll be on his best behavior :) :) :)

WHY IT'S NOT EVERY DAY HE MEETS SOMEONE WITH SUCH FINE TASTE IN THE PERFORMING ARTS, he'd be a fool to be a poor guest

Valera

Glad to hear it! He's been nothing but a perfect gentleman so far, but with the way Pentious rants about other demons, an abundance of caution seems wise. Nothing personal, dear fellow.

Demon culture is very much a mystery to her, and a confusing one at that.

Alastor

COMPLETELY reasonable. After all, everyone is down here for a reason.

Valera

She would agree, if the concept of sin wasn't such an odd one! It comes down to survival of the fittest, at the end. But just because some pompous sky man says he loves you if you follow his contradictory rules, humans are doomed to eternal torment? It's bizarre.

Ah, but excuse her. Her viewpoint is, literally, alien.

Alastor

You make the world, you make the rules. What is the guy powerful enough to give the orders and see that they're obeyed if not "the fittest"? Who has the power to argue if he prints a list of criteria for who he does and doesn't want joining him in his gated community in the sky?

He's told someone tried to argue with him once. And that's how THIS little neighborhood got started.

Valera

Oh, it's not so bad. Heaven is a pretty dull place! All sorts of goody two shoes drinking tea and baking pies in the perfect idyllic weather. Forever.

Alastor

You know, for a time, Alastor used to think that all the "punishment" narratives around Hell were just talk. He had this theory that, actually, humans were sent to the afterlife they were better suited for. The people sent to Heaven are the kind of people who'd LIKE being in Heaven, the people sent to Hell are the kind of people who would be bored stiff in Heaven and just make it miserable for the people who want to be there.

But he was wrong. It really, truly is rotten down here. Not just because of the wilted vegetables and awful weather. Hell grinds at you on a spiritual level. It really is a punishment.

Valera

Well that's.. A lot at once. Vaguely concerned frown.. That she is going to cover with her tea turning to a Nice Dark Coffee. SSSssssssSSSIP.

Alastor

Just thought she might benefit from an insider perspective! She can rest assured: the pie-baking tea-drinkers really are better off.

:) :) :)

Valera

Interesting! She's never spent much time in Hell out of arms reach of Pentious, but that's something to keep in mind for the future.

Alastor

Happy to help~!

Valera

[[ val voice: haha yeah whenever I'm in hell I'm getting doted on but I'll keep an eye out for emotional wear and tear!

Alastor

(It's different for visitors who only come to chat with the convicts)

Valera

(Of course. More for Pentious than herself, she doesn't know a lot of his backstory yet BUT SHE KNOWS ITS SAD)

Now, moving to happier topics! She loves what hes done with the hair. Though it makes him rather fresh faced

Alastor

WHY, THANK YOU!! It was all the rage a hundred years ago! But they do say fashion trends come back around!!

Sir Pentious wasn't as impressed by it, but, hey, can't win them all, can you?

Valera

Ah, don't worry about it. He just takes a bit to come around to change!

... Usually.

Alastor

Well, doesn't matter, he probably won't be keeping it long.

"Usually"?

Valera

She grins!!! Yes, usually. He's remarkably easy to get on board with just about anything if you can relate to something else he likes.

Alastor

Well, naturally! Who isn't?

Valera

The LOOK on her face is like she SUCKED A LEMON.

You'd be surprised.

Alastor

... Apparently so!

he's gone from :) to 8) like what did he just step in

Valera

NOTHING SHE'S GETTING INTO! Now, tell her dear man. What kind of musicals do you like?

Alastor

............... All of them???

Valera

Oh? Everything from Les Mis to Cats?

Anything Goes?

Alastor

Are those the two extremes? Then apparently so! What about you?!

Valera

She has preferences when she's PERFORMING in them, but from an enjoyment perspective, she can appreciate any production.

Alastor

A fan after his own dead heart!

Valera

She can do a MEAN patter song, but she likes being able to dance around while she's belting lines out. Acrobatics are where she can really show off!

Alastor

Well, then he hopes he'll have a chance to see her dancing sooner rather than later! Alastor never received much in the way in formal training in dance, and he's sure it shows, but he likes to think he makes up for it with personality.

Valera

Oh pish posh. Dance is at least fifty percent attitude, he'd be phenomenal on or off the stage. And she can always give pointers, if he's looking for them.

Alastor

He really only does it for his own entertainment—AND for the entertainment of honored guests, of course—but if he ever decides to get back into theater for whatever reason, he'll keep her generous offer in mind.

Valera

Of course! Not like she's going to do a lot of dancing with Pentious here. Her love is many things, but a dancer is not one of them. Snrk snrk.

Alastor

Really. Huh.

So how DID they meet, anyway?? Alastor's been wondering! Hard for sinners to meet many people outside of Hell.

Valera

Oh! Haha, funny story, that. But how much detail does he REALLY want?

Alastor

Well, far be it from him to pry into anything she doesn't think she ought to share, of course. But he wouldn't have asked if he didn't wonder.

Valera

Fair! Alright, well. They met on tumblr, obviously. Pentious was flailing about being combative and intentionally aggressive. You know. Pentious.

Alastor

Naturally.

Valera

She decided to approach him without the immediate hostility so many of her peers were demonstrating. Doesn't everyone deserve a chance to explain themselves, after all? He seemed like he was lashing out, not truly malicious. Nobody had bothered explaining to him that what he did was wrong, or why.

And, you know. If you attack someone, you can't be surprised if they attack you right back. Obviously.

Alastor

Obviously.

Valera

So! Yes. She approached him, asked questions. Asked for his side of things. And they got along just fine! So she invited him over for tea, arguably. But mostly he invited himself over because she made too much tea.

Alastor

So just a chance encounter while adrift among the Internet's airwaves! How serendipitous.

Valera

More or less! Though really, she'd spoken to Alastor more at that point. Other Alastor. He'd been inviting her over to his hell, so she'd likely have met Pentious under very different circumstances if she hadn't approached him then.

But! He came over, and they talked. And they talked a LOT. About their passions, and about how ridiculous people can be these days.

And gods, can they. Then they decided to watch The Mikado! Has he heard of it?

Alastor

Has he heard of it?! One of Gilbert & Sullivan's most renown shows?! Madam! Of course he had!

Valera

Oh good, good good! He continues to impress! So lovely to know there are other people with taste around here. So yes! They watched The Mikado, and it went.. Almost alarmingly well. At the start they were on opposite ends of the couch, and by the end he was sprawled across her lap like he lived there.

Alastor

...... Well!

He warms up to people fast.

Valera

Haha! Perhaps he was simply overly pleased to connect with someone again, and let his guard down? They wound up making out on the couch like a pair of horny teens, so.

Alastor

...... Well!

Valera

Sssssips drink.

Alastor

............ Congratulations! (he has No Idea what you're supposed to say to that)

Valera

Thanks! (She doesn't either) Want to know an incredibly adorable fact about Penny?

Alastor

Sure!!

(he is retaining a Remarkable poker face through all this)

Valera

He likes it when you scratch his hood. Makes him melt in to a happy little pile of scales.

(someone please... Help Alastor....)

Alastor

Ha! Well, isn't that darling.

(The only one who can help Alastor is Alastor himself and he's like "why should I help, what's that bitch ever done for me")

Valera

Very. Should he ever deign to let you try it, the results are best from juuust the very joint of his neck and hood.

(ALASTOR PRACTICE SELF CARE)

Alastor

(FOR THE LAST HALF CENTURY HIS SELF CARE HAS BEEN AVOIDING SEEING/THINKING ABOUT SIR PENT EVER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. He still needs to figure out how to do a self-care that's the opposite of that!)

Duly noted! Alastor's sure it'll never happen, but even so.

Valera

Oh, she isn't so sure! Penny speaks fondly of him.

Alastor

... Hm.

Well, there are different sorts of fondness, aren't there!

Valera

Well, yes of course? She's fond of many people, but she isn't exactly engaged to the vast majority of them. What is his point?

Alastor

That THAT'S the sort of intimacy one usually reserves for someone closer to the "engaged" end of the fondness scale—hold on, engaged??

Valera

Oh? Yes, engaged. Anyway, is it? This must be one of those human things again. There's nothing sexual about enjoying platonic physical contact, there's no reason for it to be relegated to a relationship.

Alastor

Well, what does Alastor know, he's never been a very touchy person. SO, how long have you two been...? Well, probably since before Alastor met either of you, silly question! He just must not have heard.

Valera

Oh, no it's.. Arguably recent? Certainly after he and Pentious started talking. Though don't get too fussed, dear. Pentious has a ring he hasn't lobbed at her yet. They've just agreed to get married, Pentious refers to her as his fiancé. No dates set or anything.

Alastor

Oh, good, so he didn't miss some big announcement. That WOULD have been embarrassing

Valera

He did not! And really, with how he and Pentious get along he might wind up getting asked for advice if a proposal ever actually occurs.

Alastor

... He doesn't know what kind of advice he could offer! He's not known for his expertise in romance, ha.

((suddenly got a flashing glimpse of a possible future where Alastor is the best man, standing like five feet away from Sir Pent trying to hold it together))

Valera

[[ JFDHFKDSHJFKDS HONESTLY.... IT'S LIKELY

Valera

You know, she doesn't think any of them are! Marriage isn't something Veci usually do with aliens, but Pentious insisted he wanted a proper marriage, and kids, and she's not opposed to either if that makes him happy. Though seeing him with the dolls is incredibly endearing.

Alastor

((And I will be FILLED TO THE BRIM with sadistic glee))

The dolls??

Valera

[[ Alastor crying ASMR

Alastor

(("Al are you okay—" "YEAH I'M FINE IT'S JUST. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. ISN'T IT. SO MOVING."))

Valera

Yes! Would you like to hear that story?

Alastor

SURE!!

Valera

Super! So! She doesn't know ALASTOR'S stance on calling women things like sluts and whores, but she herself is.. Not terribly fond of those words. Something about having them screamed at her, just doesn't sit well.

Alastor

One rarely is fond of the words one's been on the receiving end of.

Valera

Indeed. Pentious on the other hand, used them quite freely against any woman he wasn't pleased with.

But! Pentious wants kids someday, and kids are of course, quite perceptive little creatures. And no child of hers is going to grow up internalizing that kind of nonsense, either as a measure of their worth or as something a proper young man calls any lady.

So! She made a few dolls, to demonstrate her point. Pentious wants kids, so she made him some dolls that resemble what his offspring would.

And then hurled abuse at them quite freely!

He didn't take kindly to hearing what random men would call his own daughter, funnily enough.

Alastor

Alastor's like lmao. (IT SEEMS KINDA MEAN AND MEAN THINGS AMUSE HIM... he's half powered by schadenfreude)

Valera

(It WAS mean)

Alastor

And he takes it that worked.

Valera

Pentious can often be found curled up with his little doll family, and he hasn't used a slur since, so! Yes.

Alastor

No surprise there! He is, at his heart, a family man in hibernation, isn't he?

Valera

Not even in hibernation! He's incredibly eager to start a family.

Alastor

Of course. Now that he has the chance. Probably the only man in Hell who does.

Formerly in hibernation, then.

Valera

Can sinners not reproduce?

Alastor

No! Sterile, one and all. The dead do not breed. There are the few rare exceptions who have been supernaturally promoted out of the pool of the damned and made nobility of the same rank as the native Infernal-born or Heaven-fallen demons—Queen Lilith, for instance—but that's not just a thing that HAPPENS. A sinner must be CHOSEN, typically by Lucifer himself. Alastor wouldn't be surprised if it happens less than twice a millennium.

And even at that, to his knowledge these ascendant damned have never bred with each other—only with the Infernal nobility.

Valera

Huh! Fascinating. She really should learn more about the going ons of hell... But good to know! That explains the way Pentious.. Basically went feral as soon as he found out it was possible to have a family.

She's still not sure about the whole "eyes going red" thing, but he's explained it as any peak of emotion.

Alastor

It happens!

... Did you account for the possibility of him being sterile when you promised him a family? Or did you make the promise on the assumption that he's as fertile as any living man?

Valera

Oh, she can reproduce with anyone who has a soul. Pentious IS a damned soul. Ergo...

Alastor

Getting around the usual rules, then! Good. Alastor would so hate to hear if he'd gotten his hopes raised just for them to be dashed again.

Valera

Oh, she was careful to check! Many demons are soulless beings, and she hates to be made a liar of. Though she wasn't even sure poor Pentious even had genitals at the time!

Alastor

Well. Surprise.

Valera

She is Looking Away

Yes... Surprise indeed.

Alastor

He is the picture of :) neutrality

Valera

Val is trying very hard to keep the conversation from going to DARK PLACES. So!!! Subject change time.

Did you and he have fun at your last visit? He tends to give her a summary, but it's nice to hear the other perspective

Alastor

OH. YES. SURE. DELIGHTFUL TIME.

Valera

Oh? Delightful?

Alastor

Yeah, sure! ... Why, did he not think so?

Valera

Oh! He.. Got very drunk. His memories get fuzzy.

Alastor

... Well, that was half of what made it delightful!

Valera

She wouldn't know, but she's very glad to hear it!

Alastor

You abstain? Or not biologically capable?

Valera

Oh, neither. Rarely have the chance to actually relax anymore, too many attempts to murder her over the years. Regicide is very in, you know.

Alastor

Heavy is the head!

Valera

Hah! He can say that again. It's a thankless job. But somebody's got to do it.

Alastor

((I'M RUNNIN OUT OF STEAM... and they chatted about a lot more than I expected, this was productive!! Anywhere else you think we oughta steer the conversation or d'you think it's safe to go And Then They Chatted More, The End))

Valera

[[ NAH I THINK ITS BEEN ESTABLISHED WELL ENOUGH. STEER BACK TO MUSICALS, THEY TALK SHOP, AND THEN WHAM FOOD

[petitprincess1]

Good Evening Ch12 (Escalating)

AO3 Link Summary: Angelo gets a surprise visit at night by someone...who is not at all happy to see him. How rude... Words: 2,479 Warning: Gun violence, blood, and murder I'm so freaking sorry for the wait. I have no excuse other than starting up a new story called My Roommate's a Demonic Deer and laziness. I'm so, so sorry. Hope it's worth the wait. ~~~ Also, during that week, Angelo had been bed-ridden the entire time, going in and out of consciousness, due to the immense pain that he was in. Luckily, he was stable enough to do the more private tasks like using the bathroom and bathing himself, so that was a bit of relief for him. He really needed those moments because he was hardly ever alone.

If he wasn’t being checked up on by Baxter, then Cherri was worried about his well being and talking to him about her terrible job. Sir Pentious would also make sure to keep him up to speed about all the news going on in the world by reading the newspaper...fucking old man. Plus, his sister came by with Fat Nuggets, his little piggy, to cheer him up. Granted, his father and Arackniss also came by...so...yeah. Nothing better than you father and brother still questioning your fucking “decision” of “choosing homosexuality”. Angelo wished Vox just killed him...not really, but he was mad.

Also, Charlie and, surprisingly, Vaggie came over once or twice to just talk to Angelo about anything and just to check up on him. It felt both odd and nice that they were all just talking like nothing changed. As if the mob child wasn’t lying in bed with his arm and leg in a cast, a few broken ribs, bruised up body, busted gums and lip, and getting sick of eating soup.

Angelo knew that everyone, excluding his brother and father, were just looking after him, but it was just a bit much. Although, it did make him feel happy that people did care for him this much...but give him some fucking space...please. If anything, Angelo was lowkey wondering why Alastor had yet to show up. Seemed like he didn’t want to leave his side before, what gives?

Now, the mob-child was watching some Baywatch-like TV show and it was boring as all hell. He groaned as he tried to grab the remote, just for sharp pain to go up his side as he attempted to twist his body, causing his eyes to tear up. He flopped back onto the mattress lightly, sighed, and called out as best as he could, “Pennnnnnn! PENNNNNNNNN!! …...PeEeeEEEeeeeEeEeENNNNnNNN!!!!”

Pentious practically kicked the door open and screeched, “Blimey! Shut the fuck up, you bloody plonker!”

Angelo grinned, “Man, ya really went full British~���

Pentious rolled his eyes and gave a huff as he walked into the room, questioning, “What the hell do you want?”

The mob child whimpered like a sad puppy and reached out pathetically to the remote on the nightstand. Pen raised an eyebrow at him, still clearly pissed at Angie calling out to him like that, and walked over to the nightstand. He grabbed the remote...and then tossed it lightly at Angelo’s head. 

The boy flinched at the impact, even if it was barely enough to even cause pain. He pouted up at Pen, “Hey, what the hell!? I’m injured ‘ere!”

The older man sat down at the edge of the bed and huffed, “Clearly, you’re not too injured to scream at the top of your lungs. ….How are you feeling?”

Angelo couldn’t help but calm down at hearing his tone soften up a bit. He shifted as much as he could, wincing at a sharp pinch at his side, and replied, “Well...I’m doin’ as good as I can be, especially bein’ stuck in bed and, you know, bein’ broken...and all.”

Sir Pentious’ soft look immediately turned into a look of concern and possible pity. He rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of what to say to try to alleviate the situation, and asked, “Uh…perhaps I can do something to help you? You do look really knackered. Do you want anything? Anything at all?”

Angelo hummed, “Oh, yeah, can ya get me a fairy godmother to heal up my wounds, a hit list of everyone that works for Vox, and a M3? Thanks, sweetie~”

“....Uuuuuuhhhhh,” was Pen’s well-detailed and poetic response. Luckily, Cherri and a short latin man, who gave a warm smile to Pen before looking at Angelo worriedly, came walking in. Not necessarily to “save” him, since Cherri immediately punched Pen’s arm, causing him to let a manly yelp, while her face had a light pinkish red as she glared at him, shouting, “What the hell is wrong with you! Don’t yell at Angelo!”

Pentious glowered, “What’s wrong with me!? I’m not the one punching people randomly, you nutter!”

The short man pushed back his naturally, already slicked back, black hair with silver streak and went over to Angelo quickly. He practically shouted, just to assuage the tension, “So, uh, Anthony, how are you?”

The two looked over at Angelo and the mob child huffed, “I already answered this! When can I just get-augh!”

The three jumped at seeing Anthony grip at his ribs tightly and take a deep shuddering breath as his eyes teared up a bit, shutting his eyes tightly. The man mumbled, “I guess that answers my question.”

He fished some pills out from his pocket and was about to help him take the pills, even about to tell Pen to get some water. However, Angelo just snatched the capsules out of his hand and took them dry. He quickly snapped, “I can take my own pills, dammit!”

Pentious was going to yell again, but the doctor reassured, pushing up his glasses, “It’s alright, querido. He’s been stuck in bed for a whole week.” The long-haired man scoffed, “That doesn’t justify him being rude to you, Baxter. You should be more appreciative, Anthony!”

Angelo was about to yell to stop calling him Anthony, but Cherri clapped her hands and gave a soft sigh, “Alright, things are startin’ to escalate, so why don’t ya two maybe, uh, get the fuck out?”

Pen was going to argue more, but Baxter ended up calmly bringing his boyfriend out of the middle of things by taking his hand. He just didn’t wish to deal with a bunch of shouting. Well...more shouting. Pen eventually just huffed and decided to just go out the door, while carrying the bespectacled man in his arms. It caused a lovely rosy color to hit Baxter’s cheeks.

Cherri gagged at the two and then stared at Angelo, sighing, “So, uh, I guess ya ain’t doin’ that well, huh?”

Angelo shook his head and sat up slowly, wincing at the sharp pains wracking his body. The Australian girl wanted to help, but she knew that would just annoy Angie. He grunted, “I...I know that everyone is jus’ tryin’ ta help, but...god, it makes me feel useless. Not only that, but I bet Vox might send people ta finish the job, especially since I ain’t dead.”

“Did you escape or somethin’?”

“No...he let me go, but ya never just attack a mob boss and get out alive,” Angelo informed, causing him to let out a shuddering breath.

Cherri noticed it getting somber, causing her to change the subject and bring up, “Oh, uh, hey! I heard Alastor’s radio station. He talked about some woman’s husband missing and said that the hotel is doing well. I think it helps that Charlie’s dad is visiting more often, something about a helicopter and...uh...”

She trailed off when she noticed Angelo still looking incredibly distraught. She thought that she may have seen a glimmer of intrigue after mentioning Alastor’s name, but that was all. He barely seemed to pay attention to the status of the hotel. Cherri sighed as she reached into her short’s pocket and handed a folded up note to Angelo. She replied, “I found this letter outside your door way earlier. I think it was like 3 am, I heard some noise...uh...yeah. I’ll just leave it here…”

She placed it on the nightstand near his bed and then told him, “We all want ya to get better, Angie, and maybe even Vox to go through hell. Just...don’t do anything dumb, okay?”

Cherri then got up off of the bed and started walking towards the door, giving one glance over her shoulder at Angelo before leaving out of the room. Angelo sighed as he grabbed the letter, feeling awful for going silent on Cherri. He unfolded the paper and skimmed over the words.

When the mob-child got to the end of the letter, he felt both shocked, questionable, and worried. The letter was written by Alastor, who somehow snuck into Pen’s house, and...he was coming over tonight. ~~~ Angelo was slightly turning in bed, waiting for Alastor to come to the house. Granted, he wasn’t too excited to see what he was bringing back as a meal, but he was sure that he wouldn’t serve humans again. ...Well, he hoped so. It wasn’t like it was too much of a stretch considering what he saw in that gumbo. It still made him feel ill to this day. Plus, it didn’t help since Al seemed very excited.

Angelo just sighed as he placed his back on the pillow and was about to go to sleep, but stopped when he heard footsteps. He lifted his head up a little and groaned, “Hey, Al, can ya give me a hint as ta what yer makin’? I just don-”

He stopped when he saw a shadow in the hall of a woman that definitely didn’t look like Cherri’s. Before he could question, he heard the sound of a gun being cocked and then a revolver being aimed into the room. He saw a woman coming into view, but didn’t pay attention to anything but the shaky gun. Angie started, “Wh-Whoa! Hey, d-don’t do any-”

The woman whisper-shouted, “Shut up, just...shut up! You...You killed him!”

Angelo looked very confused and she sniffled, cheeks and nose a bright red, “Jonathan...he w-worked...a-at your ex-boss’ wareh-house. ...H-He was standing guard la-last week.”

Angelo barely had any memory of who all worked under Val and Vox, but it could have been a possibility. No one knows about the warehouse or that it’s Val’s. He gulped, “H-Hey, I’ve been st-stuck in bed an-”

“I told you-!” She took a deep breath as her finger went towards the trigger, making Angelo feel his heart jump to his throat. He looked around the place as he sat up in bed quite quickly, probably making it harder to believe that he was injured in the first place. 

The woman went on, stepping closer and aiming the gun at his head, “Th-They told m-me...they f-found remains i-in the fu-furnace. Vox said...th-they don’t kn-now if i-it’s his, but...he has-sn’t come back. O-Our kids...a-are so sc-scared...they don’t...th-they just w-want...him…” she trailed off as she placed a hand to her mouth to try to quiet her sobbing, turning away and lowering the revolver.

Angelo was trying to slowly slide out of bed to try and get some kind of weapon. Unfortunately, the gentle thud of his toes hitting the wooden floor. The woman immediately shot up and aimed the gun back at his head. Angie gulped and tried to calm her again, “Listen...I promise ya...I did not kill yer husband, alright? I-I’ve been stuck here. I mean...ya can clearly see that Vox did a number on me...right…?”

He got a bit distracted when he saw Cherri appear behind the woman, opened her eyes widely, and then quickly retreated to possibly find a weapon. Angelo continued, wanting to stall, “So....what’s your n-”

“I’m not telling you my goddamn-”

“Whoa-ho-ho! I’ve clearly come in a bad time!” 

The woman quickly turned around and aimed the gun at the person behind her. Angelo oddly felt relieved at seeing Alastor standing there with his perma-smile, but also had no idea where this was going to go. Al just calmly walked inside and stepped around the lady, humming a little tune. She whimpered, “H-How did you g-get in here!? Wh-Where did you come fr-from!? I...I heard y-your voice...the radio broadcast, right?”

Alastor nodded, walking in-between her and Angelo, “Yes...you’re Traci? The one that lost her husband, I suppose? ...Why are you going to shoot, Anthony?” Traci glared and sniffled, wiping her eyes, “Because he’s the one that killed him!”

Al raised an eyebrow and hummed, “And you know that...how?”

The lady looked around for a few seconds, messing with her hair and the scarf around her neck. She muttered, “I-I-I just kn-now about him g-getting hurt. Cl-Clearly, he ratted o-out to his batshit f-family! His sist-ter is just as f-fucking stupid a-as he is, so-”

“Now, now, no need to go throwing around insults. You’re already aiming a gun at a questionably innocent mad, don’t have to be even more callous,” Alastor chuckled, as if he was just having a normal conversation. It once again reminded Angelo that this man was not sound of mind. Cherri came back with a wooden field hockey stick and was slowly creeping on the lady. Traci started, “But he-”

Al walked closer to her, being calm and collected, “You...don’t know what he did. You’re just accusing him of something. I’m sure that the police are doing whatever they can, but...Traci...no need to get yourself in trouble. Your kids need you, correct? You do have kids, right?”

Traci was almost near sobbing again, causing Cherri to halt in her movements out of guilt, and she nodded. He walked closer, feeling the revolver press to his chest, and calmly asked, “Please, Traci, give the gun. ...We won’t press charges.”

She sniffled and whimpered, trembling where she stood. She let out a loud sob as she handed the gun to Alastor, who took the gun calmly. Angelo let out a breath and noticed that Pen and Baxter joined Cherri. The three looked calmer considering that everything had become quieter.

Alastor backed away from Traci, causing her to just break down and hugged herself. He looked down at the revolver and let out a long hum. Al then gave out quite a cute guilty as he informed, “Traci, don’t you know that when you threaten with a gun, you have to take the safety off! Silly!”

“Wha-” that was all that Traci said as she slowly lifted her head and a bullet went right through her head, causing a bit of blood splatter. Unfortunately, it got mostly onto Cherri and the wall, making the punk scream out in terror and Pen almost throw up. Her scream covered up the sound of Traci’s body falling onto the floor.

Alastor muttered, “I thought it would be messier than that...hmm…” He tossed the gun onto the bed and smiled at Angelo, who just muttered, “Nice shot...I guess…”

“I made grilled venison!”

“Oh...neat.”

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 99) "Shows in Different Country Codes"

@creatureofthen1ght-v3 @crystalbaby12 @mgkobsessed @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @5sosfam1dlover

Waiting for the Xanax to kick in that Luna had given him in their uber, Colson's leaned back into his seat. A thousand thoughts swirling through his head as he stares out the airplane's window.

"FUCK... I hate leaving them...." He sighs at the thought of Casie and Luna. "I wonder if she got in touch with that planner Emma gave her..." His mind drifting to their weddings. Being more nervous for EstFest, there's a lot to do just festival wise. "I'm glad no one gave me shit about adding the extra day..." He thinks of the vendors. Sighing again, his mind wanders to a place it tries to never go. "Maybe I should call my dad.... He should probably meet Luna...." His heart worries as the Xanax helps his eyes close.

--------------------------------------------------

Luna lands in Mexico City around 5A. She wanders around the gift shop for a moment, buying a new shirt before making her way outside. It's pouring, so she pulls her Yankees hat on backwards before she hops into a taxi.

Once checked in at The Four Seasons, Luna doesn't know what to do with herself. Ashley's sharing a room with Dom, leaving Luna alone. Lighting a joint, she tries on the shirt she bought. Heading into the bathroom, she stands on top of the toilet to Snap Colson.

Finally crawling into bed, Luna flicks on the TV as she lights another joint. Drifting off to the sounds of Parks and Rec once she's put it out.

-------------------------------------------------

The Bus is parked in the back of the venue, Colson's playing The Knitting Factory tonight. In the back of a cab, he catches the Snap from Luna. Laughing out loud at her once he opens it.

"She's so fucking adorable..." His heart aches for her as he pays for and climbs out of his ride.

Opening the door to their bedroom on The Bus, Colson isn't shocked to find Baze and Sam. He's definitely not pleased though.

"Yo. Wake the fuck up and get outta my bed." He states, kicking the bottom of Baze's foot.

Both of them wake with a bit of a startle. Looking at each other, slightly embarrassed. They like to think they're on The Low but everyone knows about them. Silly Wabbits.

"FUCK man... I didn't think you'd be back till later..." Baze says groggily as he collects himself.

"Clearly, Truck." Colson rolls his eyes with a chuckle as he turns around so they can dress.

Not one to cock block but desperately wanting to lay down, he really doesn't care. He knows Luna will though. As they begin to leave his room, Colson calls out a Yo. They both turn but he talks directly to Sam.

"You know she's a cunt.... I'd get these sheets washed before she gets back." He says with a light warning.

Tired, Sam stares at Colson. She hates that he knows Luna well enough to be right.

"I got it." She responds, uncharacteristically trying to hide the annoyance in her voice.

With his door shut, Colson Snaps Luna back before throwing himself down. Hoping to find her smell, he can only find other people in their bed. Pissed, he rips the blankets, sheets and pillow cases off, throwing them out the door.

Grabbing her pillow and tucking his nose inside his hoodie, he catches her faint scent. Images of Luna dancing in his head as he falls asleep.

-------------------------------------------------

Luna wakes up to a hard banging on her door. It's just after 2P. Touching the empty side of her bed, Luna wishes Colson was with her.

Hating The World, she let's them bang. Finding her phone, there's a Snap from Colson.

"He's such a dirty Motherfucker..." Luna thinks with a grin.

The door still pounding.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!! I'M COMING!" She shouts as she climbs out of bed.

Winging the door open, it's Ashley and Dom. Impatient fucking Assholes.

"WHY!?!" Luna demands. "Why the FUCK do you need to bang like that?" Luna complains as she let's them in.

"To wake your bitch ass up." Ashley snarks, pushing her way into the room.

"Mornen' Loons." Dom greets her to her silent nod.

"You really are a DICKFUCK sometimes...." Luna says with annoyance.

"Whatever...." Ashley brushes her off. "Got any bud?" She asks, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah.... But it was shoved up my asshole, so do you really wanna smoke it?" Luna deadpans.

"Shut the fuck up." Ashley laughs as she turns to Dom. "She didn't shove it up her ass." She reassures him.

"Oi... Bum smoke is no problem fo me!" Dom responds, making both Girls laugh.

Dom knowing Them well enough to truly understand the nature of their friendship. Rolling one up as Ashley and Luna climb onto the bed together. Luna's ring catching Ashley's eye for the first time.

"HOLY FUCK! WHAT IS THIS!!!" She exclaims as she grabs for Luna's hand.

Admiring the large, sparkling stone, she moves Luna's hand all around as it catches the light. Shining brighter with every different angle. It's definitely NOT a guitar string.

"He picked this out on his own?" She asks in amazement.

"I think Rook might've helped him a little, but yeah... I had nothing to do with it." Luna answers.

"Good job, Kells." Ashley compliments his choice.

Luna, Ashley and Dom burn and chat. Talking about Colson, the ring, what they've both been up to and the upcoming weddings. It feels like forever since The Girls last saw each other. In reality, it's only been three days since the show at The Roxy.

"Alright... We gotta motor. Go shower, we have rehearsal in less then 2hrs. Come meet us in room 202 when you're ready." Ashley directs Luna.

"Alright......" Luna yawns loudly.

She heads into the bathroom as Ashley and Dom close her door behind them. Lighting another joint, she rails three 30s as she gets ready for the shower. Forgetting to Snap Colson back due to her unexpected visitors.

-------------------------------------------------

"Cool..." Colson thinks when he finally opens his door. His angry linen fit is gone from the floor. "Thanks Sam...." His brain grateful even if his actions are sometimes dickish.

Walking to the front of The Bus, everyone's lounging, burning and waiting for him. Plopping down next to AJ, he asks Rook to throw him a bag of chips. Colson nonchalantly munches on them as they all talk about tonight's show. Working on the setlist, he hates when he has to cut Bad Things as he finishes his snack.

"Dawg... Raise that shit to your face!!" Slim hollers at the picture on the bag.

Looking at it, Colson asks "What like this?" Lifting it up just under his nose.

The entire Bus erupts into laughter. It fits so perfectly. Colson tosses his phone to Slim.

"Here, take a picture.... We'll see if this is wedding acceptable." He laughs.

Tossing it back after he takes one, Slim laughs out a Definitely Not as Colson shoots Luna a Snap asking the same question. Colson shrugs with amusement... You never know with Loons.

"We ready to fuck this day up?" He asks as he begins to lead the rest of them off of The Bus.

-------------------------------------------------

Throwing on jeans, with a band T and flannel, Luna has her hair up. Red bandana securing it. Only having one pair of contacts left, she chooses to wear her glasses. The sun being her eyeballs mortal enemy today.

In the front seat of an uber with Ashley and Dom, her phone goes off. It's another Snap from Colson.

What the SHIT!!" Luna can't contain her thoughts or laughter. "Look at this crazy Asshole!!" She laughs.

Screenshotting the Snap before passing it to the backseat. Both of them erupt into laughter also.

"Oi. E wears it so well!!" Dom laughs.

"No... No, he doesn't. He looks like a fucking pornstar." Luna laughs as she takes back her phone.

"Pornstache!!" Ashley laughs out loudly to Luna's hysterical agreement.

Catching the older driver's amused eyes, Luna shows him. Bursting out laughing, he agrees... Yes, I'm sorry but Your Boyfriend Looks Like a PornStar. Tickling Luna's funny bone to the core.

"FUCKING JOHNNY WADS!!!!" She shouts, turning in her seat to look at Ashley before she Snaps Colson back.

She's referring to one of the pioneering PornStars of the 70s. John Holmes. Huge cock. 15 inches... If not more. A wild and extremely violent true story. The two of them watching the movie dozens of times as teenagers. Amongst many others.

Even with with one's own solid influences, false advertisements are still intriguing. Filling their young, rebellious souls. Recommending the fucked up movie to anyone who loves drugs, violence, Val Kilmer and unhappy endings.

"Oooh.. Christ!!! You better hope not, Phoebe!!" Ashley laughs.

"Fuck you... I'd be a Smelly Cat BEFORE a fucking SHARON!!!" Luna flicks her off with a laugh and a grin.

Dom chiming in to sing Smelly Cat as they step out of their cab and head into the venue to rehearse for the Awards Show. The Girls singing along with him.

"Wait... What are we doing and why are we in Mexico again?" Luna asks, slightly confused.

"It's the MTV Latin Millennial Awards." Ashley answers as if Luna's supposed to just get it.

"Annnnnd....?" She leads.

"And I'm nominated and performing. They requested Without Me and Nightmare so you HAVE to be here." She teases Luna while draping her arms around her shoulders from behind.

"But we're not Latina....?" Luna's still confused.l

"Dude... I don't know. I just played the Brazil one a few weeks ago. Without Me is a nominee for Global Hit... Maybe that's why." Ashley shrugs. "We've got more important things to worry about. I want us do some choreography with four dancers."

"You fucking what?" Luna asks in bewilderment.

Ashley has her at an Award Show in Mexico and now she wants her to dance like some fucking pop star. She's gotta be out of her God Damn mind.

"Yeah!!! It'll be fun!! Come meet the girls." Ashley says with a grin as she pulls Luna along.

"Fuck my stupid fucking life...." Is all Luna can think.

--------------------------------------------------

Colson is rehearsing with The Boys. Deciding to take a Burn&Board Break, they head out back. Reaching into his pocket, he finds a Snap from Luna.

Laughing at her smart ass response and missing her voice, he calls her. It rings straight through. Colson can't resist leaving her a voicemail.

🎶Off that fat ass//Imma do a line or two//Before we//Have our own private shoot//Where I//PornStar Fuck//The shit outta you//Be ready//When you come back//Boo//Cuz it's//Only Bad Things//That we do🎶

Laughing after he finishes, he shouts "LOVE YOU, KITTEN!! CALL ME!" before hanging up.

-------------------------------------------------

Luna's BackStage as Ashley and Dom sit in the audience. She's trying not to freak out over the performance Ashley wants to pull off. Even with Patti making her take ballet and gymnastics, Luna is not a dancer. She's a musician, a songwriter, a photographer, a painter, a sculptor. An artist. You could even call her an activist, a feminist, a bitch and an outlaw. What you can not call her is a professional dancer.

"This is gonna be a fucking shit show...." She worries as she hears Ashley's name called. "OH FUCK!! SHE WON!!!" Luna's brain bursts. Any other thoughts disappearing with the excitement for her bestfriend.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Catching up in the dressing room they're sharing, Luna congratulates Ashley with a tight hug. Popping into the bathroom while Ashley puts on her first outfit, Luna shoots Colson a Snap. Not paying attention to her voicemail as she comes out of the bathroom. She always has an unchecked voicemail.

"Change. We're on next." Ashley instructs her, pointing to the latex and chain garments sitting on a chair.

Wiggling into the tight pieces, Luna checks herself out in the stand up mirror. Her outfit consisting of a latex crop top, VERY small booty shorts with metal chains dangling securely around the hips, fishnets and a pair of Docs. Ashley has the exact same thing on under what looks like a 1980's prom dress.

"You know I'm keeping these right?" Luna asks as she slides her hand up her smooth ass.

"Yeah, I figured..." Ashley laughs as a tiara is placed on top of her head.

"See you out there, Miss 2019." Luna smiles, referring to the sash Ashley's wearing as she makes her way out the door.

Luna double checking herself before following behind. Thinking about Snapping Colson again, she decides to wait. He loves the feel of latex and she'd rather show him in person.

---------------------------------------------------

Colson's phone goes off just as he's about to silence it. It's Luna.

"Fuck, she's gorgeous...." He thinks staring at her picture. Wanting to put his hands on every inch of the bare skin she's showing. More so on the parts she's not.

"Yo!!! You gotta go!!" Ashleigh hollers at him.

Walking quickly down the hall, Colson Snaps Luna back before heading OnStage. Grabbing his guitar, he shouts to the crowd WHAT UP EST FAM!!!! making the factory explode in excitement.

--------------------------------------------------

Ashley presents Without Me almost as a performance piece. Standing alone OnStage in her pretty dress, sash and tiara initially until black, shadowy figures begin to push and pull at her. By the end of the song, they've ripped the gown off of her. Leaving her on the floor.

The lights go down as the opening chords to Nightmare come on. Ashley running to the MainStage to meet Luna. It's a long runway with a large circular stage at the bottom.

Luna and Ashley bounce in between the four similarly dressed dancers. Ashley kicking her leg out high as she begins.

🎼I!🎶

She shouts the opening chorus as the two of them run, bounce and jump down the straight away towards the camera. Of course it's being televised. Stopping MidStage, the dancers squat down. Surrounding them as Luna hits her mark.

🎶I'm out for blood//And it won't be sweet🎶

She sings, dragging her hands around her body as the dancers and Ashley tilt their heads back and forth to the beat. On que the six of them stalk to the center of the stage, Ashley and Luna in the middle. Back to back the dancers pull at them as Luna bellows.

🎶Society has us//Pinching our skin//With our own fingers//Wishing we could//Cut our parts off//With some scissors🎶

None of their performances together are the same but they do carry similar tones. Luna and Ashley still mocking each other about Giving Each Other A Smile. Instead of jumping wildly, they move in sync with the dancers to their sides. Fire exploding as they drop out and let the audience shout that WE DON'T OWE YOU A GOD DAMN THING!

The six of them sit down on the ground, sat behind the other like a human train. Leaning forwards and backwards as Ashley sings how she's No Sweet Dream But A HELL Of Night. Standing up and collectively circling around Luna and Ashley, the dancers move behind them as Luna comes in again.

🎶No, I won't smile//But I'll show you my teeth//And I might let you breathe//If you just let Us be//We've been polite//But we're done with this trend//Of men thinking//They can tell Us//What we can do in our beds🎶

Rolling their hips and hitting different moves together on certain lyrics, the choreography isn't nearly as awful as Luna had anticipated. Fire bursting around them as they squat and move easily with the dancers. The performance rolling smoothly.

"Thank you, Mexico City!! Thank you for having us. Thank you for the honor of my award..." Ashley shouts to the crowd as the song begins to come to it's end.

Luna comes up to Ashley, putting her arm around her. Looking at each other, Luna turns back to the room.

"Yes!! Thank you!! This woman here is AMAZING!! Can you do one thing for her? On this last verse can you go WILD!?!" Luna asks to their roars. "THEN, HERE WE GO!!!!"

Ashley and Luna sing together strong and fierce. Fire and lights exploding around them. Fuck the choreography, they're fully enjoying losing their minds OnStage together. To their credit, the dancers are completely professional and stay on point. Somehow managing to avoid crashing into the Maniacal Girls

🎶I!//KEEP A RECORD//OF THEIR WRECKAGE//AND THEIR LIES//WE'RE STARTEN' TO WEAPONIZE//OUR POWERFUL MINDS//THEY TALK SHIT//BUT//WE WON'T TAKE IT//THIS TIME//AND//THEY'LL FINALLY REALIZE🎶

Coming together again, arms linked around each other and the dancers waists, The Girls yell in unison with a wave.

"THAT WE'RE NO SWEET DREAM BUT WE'RE A HELL OF A NIGHT!!! THANK YOU AGAIN, MEXICO CIIIIITYYYY!!!"

The two bestfriends laughing and holding hands as they walk OffStage. Thanking and complimenting the dancers along their way.

-------------------------------------------------

"THROW THOSE HORNS UP AND SIIINGIIING!" Colson shouts as he grips the mic, guitar hanging from his body.

🎶Woah, Woah//She said//You need to let me go//Woah, woah//She said I'd die for you//You're like my drug//But I can't get high off you//You're not mine anymore🎶

His Est Family erupting with him as they sing along word for word Let You Go with him. There is NOTHING like thousands of people singing your words along with you.

The Band runs through El Diablo and Rap Devil. Colson climbing onto the top of Rook's kit hitting a guitar solo during Alpha Omega. Bad Motherfucker follows with them finally ending on 27.

It's a great show. The Boys are raw and fearless. Colson jumping and climbing on everything he can find. Shouting THANK YOU, IDAHO! as they exit the stage.

Without Luna there Colson feels a bit lost. Heading straight BackStage, avoiding his dressing room. Grabbing a beer, he slams a shot with The Crew. Random Girls floating in around them. Falling all over themselves to get to Rook, Slim, AJ, Baze and Colson.

Sam is sitting on a couch between Colson and Baze talking about tonight's show, if anyone's heard from Luna and other random stuff. It's when two girls slither over, each perching themselves on the arm rest next to one of the boys. Touching them to get their attention.

Sam looks left. Then Sam looks right. Reaching in her back pocket, she pulls out her blade. Popping it, she looks back and forth between the two females again.

"I'd get the fuck up if you cunts like your tits." She states with a snarl.

The two quickly moving away as Colson laughs. Sam and Luna truly are two peas in a pod. Looking over he catches Baze kiss Sam's cheek. It makes him miss his LunaTic even more.

"Knock it off." He tells them. "If I'm not getting any, neither are you motherfuckers. Now, let's get FUCKED UP!!" Colson declares as he grabs a bottle of Jack.

--------------------------------------------------

Luna's doing the same. Only in Mexico with Corona and Mezcal. Sitting at an After Party with Ashley, Dom, the boys from BTS and a few other artist, they bullshit and talk about the night. Everyone stopping to congratulate Ashley on her win and compliment both Girls on their performances.

"You won't eat the worm..." Ashley dares Luna as she swigs the bottle with the little guy floating inside.

"Nothing happens if you do...." Luna blows her off.

"Yes hunh.... You start trippen'. Isn't that right, Luis?" She asks as she turns to one of the other artist.

"For dayyys, Mami..." He drawls.

Rolling her eyes, Luna takes the last of the fifth to the head. The other's watching with wide eyes as the worm slides down her throat with it.

"We'll see... But I call bullshit." Luna states.

"Aye..." Luis nudges Ashley. "She's no gallina." He says impressed to her nod.

"Nah, mucho perra." Luna counters to his surprise.

"Aye...." He grins with his own nod, amused by the tiny white girl.

The music is loud as smoke and Mezcal continue to flow. Everyone is drunk. Ashley tries to follow with Dom as Luis teaches Luna to salsa. Politely declining his advances as his hand slips from the small of her back down to her ass.

"I'll be back...." She calls over her shoulder as she goes to check her phone.

There's a Snap from Colson hours ago.

Both sets of Luna's cheeks instantly flush when she reads his words. Missing him, she calls instantly.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Hi, Bunny...." Her voice is low and warm when he answers.

"Oooh, Kitten. I miss you." He sighs.

"Me too... I miss your face. And your eyeballs. And your hands on my body. The way they run threw my hair when I suck your cock..."

Colson's dick had perked up at the sound of her voice but her words have him full on hard now. Wanting to fuck her, touch her.... Shit, just seeing her right now would probably make him cum.

"Where are you?" He demands

"I don't know.... Somewhere in Mexico?" She answers.

"Find somewhere alone and FaceTime me right back." He tells her firmly.

"Okay." She simply says as she hangs up.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Luna heads towards the stairwell. Popping in her air pods, she FaceTime's Colson right back.

Colson had made his way into a bathroom while they were off the phone. Answering, he can't help but break out into a smile.

"Hey, Gorgeous... You alone?" He asks after greeting her.

"Mhmm... Just me and your pussy." She coos. "She's lonely without you...."

"Show her to me." Colson taunts as he adjusts his phone on the bathroom sink and unbuckles his pants. Both of them are drunk and horny.

Luna props her phone against the wall across from her. Standing up, she slips off the black jean shorts she has on. Sitting on them, she drops her left leg on the step below and lifts her right to the one above. Spreading her legs for Colson. Only a screen and Luna's black panties separating them.

"I want you to touch her." He requests as he starts to pull on his hard cock.

Luna can see him playing with himself through the phone. Obliging him, she pulls the cotton to the side. Exposing her bare lips. Opening them for him to see her pink insides. Colson tugs harder on himself as Luna slips her fingers inside her sopping cunt. Letting out a low moan as she arches her back.

"That's right, Kitty... Play with my pussy. Rub that clit with your thumb the way I know you like." He directs her.

Following directions, Luna uses her free hand to yank the Japanese Star Wars shirt she has on up. Exposing her full breasts. With her fingers still inside of herself, she grips one tit. Playing with it's piercing between her thumb and index finger. The sight of his ring on her hand makes Colson rage even more.

"Does that feel good?" He pants as he watches her, feeling close to exploding.

"Unh hunh.... She moans with closed eyes as she bucks against her own hand. "Be better if my mouth had your cock in it." She lets out with another moan, she's close too.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard you can't fucking walk by time I'm done with you." Colson threatens to Luna's delight as he grips the sink.

With Colson's deep voice wrapping around her brain and the memory of his touch hitting all her senses Luna cries out for him as they masturbate for each other.

"AHHHH FUCK! DO IT, LOONS!!" He shouts as his dick shoots his seed everywhere, keeping his eyes glued to the screen.

Luna's spread eagle as she finger fucks herself on the steps. Bucking wildly as her hands please her body. Cumming all over herself as Colson watches in pleasure.

Out of breath, Luna opens her eyes. "Fuck, C....." Is all she can get out as her knees fall together.

"Lemme see her one more time.... Bring her close." He instructs.

Opening her legs back up, Luna pulls her phone up to her box. She can hear Colson telling her pussy that She's A DIRTY Girl. Looking down when she hears him making kissing noises, all she can see is his lips. He's kissing his phone screen.

"Are you trying to kiss my fucking vagina?" Luna asks with a drunken laugh.

"Damn right I am." He grins.

"I fucking love you." She laughs again as she shakes her head.

"Not as much as I love you. Now put your fucking pants back on before I have to kill someone." He smirks.

Doing as she's told, Luna slips her shorts back on over her soaked panties. Staring at each other, both of their heads are dancing in ecstasy.

Luna and Colson sit on the phone for another 45mins just talking. About anything and everything as usual. Luna telling him about the choreographed performance. Colson chuckling, saying He'll Be Finding It On YouTube to Luna's Fuck. Agreeing to meet in Seattle tomorrow, they exchange sweet Love and I Miss Yous before hanging up.

***********************************************

"Jesus fucking Christ, that girl can make me cum from ANYWHERE!" Colson thinks as he walks out of the bathroom contently.

***********************************************

"Holy cock on a cracker...." Luna sighs to herself. "That fucking voice gets me every time...." She thinks as her heart throbs for her Lover.

--------------------------------------------------

Still on the same continent, they both head back to their respected parties separately. Colson eventually moving his party to The Bus. Luna moving her's back to The Four Seasons.

He'll ride through the night while she'll fly out tomorrow. Bringing Dom and Ashley with her.

Even apart, they're still on each other's minds. Even with shows in different country codes, they still mange to fuck only each other.

Truly showcasing A Day In The Life of a LunaTic and Her Gunn.

---------------------------------------------------

To be continued.....

[morrisficz]

An ancient KINK MEME REQUEST:

(Tags/warnings: Rated EXPLICIT: Omorashi, cullen/human inquiz, light femdom, dragon age)

UNEDITED AND SIX YEARS OLD, BABY

-------

“Hey, there! Keep those arms up, recruit! You can’t forget about your guard like that in the field!”

Culled sighed internally as the young woman in question hastily readjusted her shield and continued sparring. Although, considering the lack of ability her eager but somewhat soft noble-born partner had with any blade besides a fencing foil, she hadn’t been particularly likely to have been hit anyhow.  

Cullen turned his eyes to the setting sun. It had been a long and frankly awful day. He’d been up most of the night with a migraine, which still hadn’t faded by the morning, and he was so tired that he had been running much slower than usual all day. An early meeting with some visiting dignitaries had not only gone poorly, but also had ran late. He’d barely had time to grab some bread and cheese for lunch. He was reminded that he hadn’t been to relieve himself since earlier that morning during the course of the training exercises he was supervising that evening by the increasing pressure in his bladder, and the need had now become rather pressing. But in a few minutes they would wrap up for the day, and Cullen looked forward anxiously to finally being able to take a piss and then at least try to get some rest without being plagued with nightmares or headaches.

“Commander, a word?” suddenly came a familiar voice beside him.

“Inquisitor Trevelyan, you’re back.” He turned to her, pleased. He hadn’t heard of her return yet that day, probably because he’d been so busy. “How was the trip to Val Royeux?”

“I’ll be frank commander. The situation with Josephine is more serious than I thought. In fact, I just had to dispatch an assassin who was set on her life. Are you able to abandon your trainees for a bit? I wish to discuss this matter of the Montilyet family situation at the war table as soon as possible.”

“Of course. I was almost done anyhow”. Cullen found himself replying immediately, despite his previous desperate wish to turn in for the day. The inquisitor was a stern but kind woman, several years older than him and with an ability to inspire absolute confidence in others, and whenever she was around he caught himself acting differently and doing odd things to impress her. He told himself that it was because she was such a powerful and accomplished warrior, and that he looked up to her for it. Nothing more.

Which now put him in a bit of a predicament. He still clearly remembered the day a few weeks back when he had broken down in doubt about quitting lyrium, and the way she had all but commanded him to continue on the path he’d started. She had been so certain that he could do it that it had made him desperately want to show her that that belief was well-placed. And yet, only last week, Both Ladies Trevelyan and Cassandra had had to give him a duel stern talking-to about taking care of himself, after he’d half-fainted onto the war table during a meeting after forgetting to eat all day.

So it would be infinitely better if he didn’t let her know that he had neglected to attend yet another of his basic needs. He felt embarrassment flutter in his chest at the mere thought of asking her to delay her (vital, important) work so he could take a bathroom break, as if he were a young boy to be waited on. He was better than that. He was a man. She expected him to be either dealing with withdrawal himself or asking her for support, and he had to show her that he was handling himself just fine alone.

As he moved to follow her, however, his armor shifted a bit against his belly, and an unexpected pang of need shot through him. He had to pause for a second, muscles tense, before he could follow. For a second the idea of asking her to wait a moment on him seemed much more plausible, but he steeled himself. He couldn’t show Lady Trevelyan this weakness now. As long as the meeting didn’t take too long, he would be fine, he thought to himself. The tasks at hand, arranging to have Josephine guarded while in the meantime taking the first step towards reinstating her family’s title should be simple enough. 20 minutes, perhaps, at the most. He would be just fine.

 Nearly an hour and a half later, Leliana smacked a fist on the table.

“It isn’t worth the risk on your life, Josephine! I have agents that can remove the document far faster than the process of reinstatement could ever be!” “But is it worth the life of another? I will not have anyone be sent on such a dangerous task for my sake when I can handle it peacefully. I’m certain I can manage this, I just need time!”

“But we do not have the time!”

What had begun as a discussion on how to protect Josephine had devolved into a fierce argument over who should be put in the most danger to fix the problem, almost immediately after Leliana had brought up her more ‘direct’ method to end the assassination attempts. The two women had fast become locked in an impasse, neither wanting to accept the other’s proposed risky plans.

Cullen, meanwhile, felt like he was about to die. He had long lost the battle to stand still, had lost the fight to stay active in the discussion even earlier, and he only hoped his silence and now near-constant shifting went unnoticed in the fighting. His bladder was a tight, desperate knot in his belly, and had been for far too long. He could just feel it pressing plaintively against his waistband, absolutely refusing to be ignored any longer, but the other two appeared nowhere close to an agreement. Even worse, no position he could stand in now seemed to offer any relief. His earlier determination had all but evaporated. Cullen mentally cursed his bad judgment, growing more and more frightened that he wouldn’t be able to hold it for the rest of this meeting by the second.

But even as the minutes had dragged torturously long and his need had grown worse, Cullen had felt less and less inclined to say anything. And the fact that now he was seriously doubting his ability to so much as leave the room with dry clothing only made the prospect more terrifying. The very idea of the inquisitor knowing that her commander was trembling in his boots and useless in their negotiations from how badly he needed a piss, because he couldn’t even manage to take care of that by himself, was too humiliating to consider.

But maker, he needed a piss. As discretely as he could, Cullen crossed one foot over the other and leaned on the edge of the table, pressing his thighs together. He realized it was probably a ridiculously poor attempt at looking natural, but at this point carrying himself in any sort of normal way was a non-option. Just a while longer, he told himself shakily as he listened to Leliana and Josephine argue, a few more minutes, but he knew it wasn’t true. Maker, at the rate they were going on they might take another hour, and he had no idea of exactly how long. He hadn’t been since that morning. He hadn’t been all day. And he was now nearing on what? Ten hours without relief? Eleven? He couldn’t even think clearly enough to remember in his current state.

Cullen suppressed a sound of distress at a sudden stab of desperation, and shifted to press his legs together better. He desperately wished to hold himself, or bounce up and down frantically. Anything to control himself another moment. But he had to focus on maintaining his dignity, or the very least on not making a complete fool of himself.

“Expecting the protection of Skyhold to be enough is folly! Don’t you agree, Cullen?!” Leliana slammed her hand on the table again, startling Cullen out of his feverish thoughts. He jumped, and his heart stopped for a second as he briefly lost control and felt a hot trickle of piss wet his smalls.

“Yes, ah, rather dangerous. Wouldn’t trust that.” Cullen heard himself stammer as if from far away, stomach muscles fairly trembling and face scarlet as he fought to control himself. He had no idea what he’d just agreed with. His mind was buzzing with faint panic. He couldn’t do it. That first leak was the beginning of his control breaking, he was sure. He just couldn’t wait any longer than a minute or two now, he couldn’t delude himself otherwise. But there was no escape from this blasted meeting!

He could feel the gaze of the inquisitor boring into him now. Of course she’d noticed him acting so absurdly. Cullen’s face was on fire with mingled shame and exertion. He was sure he was beet-red. He had to get out of this room immediately, but he couldn’t just leave, not now. He was out of options, and, hopelessly, sent a tiny prayer to the maker for salvation.

That salvation would apparently arrive in the form of the inquisitor herself. After giving him one last suspicious look, she spoke, and Cullen’s heart sang at her words.

“Alright, all of you, that’s enough. It was a mistake to try and decide this matter immediately after the event. We’re all tired. No satisfactory conclusion will be reached tonight. I’ll call for you again tomorrow, but in the meantime, go get some rest. And consider that part an order.”

Cullen brief joy was shattered by her next request, however.

“And Cullen, may I have a word with you in private after?”

“Of course.” he stammered, helpless to refuse her, and could only watch in agony as the other two advisors gathered their things and left.

When they’d gone, Trevelyan turned to him, face grave. “You’ve been acting strangely all during this meeting, Commander. And you don’t look well. Is something troubling you?”

“No, no, nothing at all. I’d let you know if the anything was bothering me. It’s fine.” He said quickly, his voice incredibly unconvincing even to his own ears. What could he say to get her to leave him? “I’m just…. tired. I didn’t sleep much last night.” That was true, at least, if not his current problem. He could only pray it was enough.

The inquisitor sighed a bit, but relented. “Of course. I’m sorry, commander. You’ve clearly had a long day, and now I’ve kept you even longer. I’ll let you retire to your quarters. However, perhaps I could join you, and we could play a round or two of chess, if you aren’t totally buried under paperwork?”

She thought his withdrawal was bothering him. She was concerned. But the truth was that he was just a fool who couldn’t even take care of himself, after all. Maker damn him and his stupidity. There was a gentleness in Trevelyan’s voice that he did not often hear, and she was trying so hard to help him. Calling off the meeting, offering her time to go back to a place where he could relax and play a game he enjoyed, where she clearly intended him to feel he was able to discuss whatever she thought was bothering him. And blast it all, he really, really wanted to. There was nothing he wanted more than to spend a quiet night with this miraculous woman. But it was absolutely vital at this point that she instead leave immediately before he humiliated himself and lost all respect she held for him by pissing himself like a boy in front of her, something that was growing more certain by the second.

Say something, damn you!, Cullen thought viciously as the seconds ticked by, but he couldn’t make his mind cooperate. He twisted his feet together more tightly, leaning hard on the war table with both hands curled into fists on its surface as he tried to form a coherent response. He looked ridiculous, he was certain, but he was afraid that if he moved he would lose control completely.

“I can’t.” He ground out finally, his voice small and ashamed even to his own ears.

“You… can’t play chess? Well, that can wait for another night, certainly, but I do expect you to tell me what is so obviously ailing-”

“I can’t move.” Cullen said abruptly. He really couldn’t. If he tried to stand straight he was sure he’d lose control, and soon he felt it wouldn’t matter much either way. Panic bloomed in his stomach at the impossibility of the situation. There was no way to hide it anymore. He was long past his limit.

“Commander?”

Her voice was so concerned, and Cullen was suddenly overwhelmed with shame. He was exhausted and in pain, and he could feel his control slipping. Another dribble leaked out of his desperate cock, despite his best efforts, and he finally gave in and doubled over to press his hands between his legs, eyes welling up with panicked tears.

“Cullen?” She repeated, clearly alarmed. The use of his proper name shocked him out of it a bit.

“I- I need to piss!” he gasped finally, face burning with shame. “I need to so badly, I have all day, and I... I can’t move, or- or I’ll”…he trailed off, unable to bring himself to finish the sentence.

“Oh.” Trevelyan said, and paused, taken aback. “Why didn’t you just say so?” she asked, at once relieved and chastising.

“I didn’t want to seem as though I couldn’t handle myself.” He said. He gripped himself tighter, squirming half against his will to try and contain the flood within him a few moments longer, painfully aware of the absurd juxtaposition of his words and actions.

“Oh, Cullen.” she said. “That’s not what I expect of you at all. I don’t want you be some sort of automaton with no needs. You shouldn’t be trying to push harder, but instead taking more care with yourself.” She admonished him gently.

“I didn’t… I didn’t want you to know that I hadn’t been.” Cullen gasped. The words sounded ridiculous when he said them out loud, and the tears in his eyes started to spill over against his will. He was a fool. Absolutely pathetic.

“Hey now, don’t cry.” she said, alarmed, and strode over to him. “It’s alright. This just means that you’ll have to accept my help right now then.” She came up behind him and gently turned him away from the table, and before he knew what was happening, cool capable hands were guiding his own out from between his legs.

“Don’t, please! I can’t!” he gasped, but she ignored both his protests and the desperate little spurts leaking out of his cock frequently now that he didn’t have a grip on it, and set about undoing his clothing.  She untied his armor and unlaced his trousers calmly, a task that would have been impossible for his shaking hands. Finally, to his utter shock and embarrassment, she pulled his twitching, leaking member out of his drawers like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Alright. Let go. It’s much easier to clean a floor than all that armor.” she said calmly, as if she weren’t asking him to piss on the ground like a helpless imbicile, while she held him no less. Cullen shook his head and tried to whimper a refusal, although he was dripping steadily at this point, and this was clearly about to happen whether he wished it or not. He just couldn’t let go. The shame was too great for him to loosen the knot in his belly voluntarily.

“Come on then, I don’t mind. You’re going to hurt yourself.” she said, and slipped her other hand under his shirt to find the obscene bulge of his bladder. He did whimper then, even at the light touch. “My god, man. You’re set to burst. Just relax.” She chastised him, but Cullen could only shake his head, hands curled into trembling fists at his sides as he fought with himself, everything shrunk to the two points of contact where her hands were and the swollen, painful bladder that he couldn’t bring himself to release.

After a few moments, Trevelyan sighed again, almost fondly. Then, suddenly, the hand on his stomach was pressing down, cool fingers massaging the desperate lump in his belly, and Cullen could barely gasp in shock before he was pissing helplessly all over the floor.

For a second the release was so sharp it actually hurt, but after a second or two the pleasure of relief overcame him, and he collapsed against the inquisitor’s strong frame, panting. Her arms were steady and secure, and he let his head fall against her shoulder even as his eyes closed in shame. The hiss of his emptying bladder seemed deafeningly loud, and seemed to go on forever, but the release was absolutely ecstatic, and he couldn’t hold back a small groan of pleasure of finally letting go. Finally, the stream tapered off into a trickle. The inquisitor rubbed his belly gently until it had completely ended. Then he distantly felt her tucking him back into his trousers and retying his armor, his head drifting around someplace above him.

When she was done, she slapped him gently on the hip. “There. Better?”

“Yes ma’am”, he mumbled, blushing. Now that he wasn’t out of his head with desperation, he felt even more embarrassed, but his terror had faded once it became clear that the inquisitor wasn’t upset or disgusted.  That, or his limbs and head still felt too much like warm jelly from his long-awaited release to let him become properly panicked yet.

“Well then, I’ll find a mop while you find your breath, and then perhaps you’ll feel up to that game of chess?” Trevelyan said briskly, stepping away.

Cullen leant heavily on the table, unable to bring himself to look at her as she cleaned up. The shame only increased as he came back to himself. He felt he should do something, but he couldn’t seem to get either his legs or mouth to cooperate with him.

“I.  I’m sorry.” He began finally, unsure of what to even say. Her nonchalance was baffling. “That… shouldn’t have happened.”

“I agree. Although it shouldn’t have happened because you felt comfortable enough to ask for help, not because you have a magical ability to push your body past its limits.”

“You... honestly aren’t disgusted?” He asked, unable to believe her acceptance. “You… you don’t think… less of me?”

“Like I said. No one here expects you to be more than human, Cullen.” She smiled wryly as she finished up. “I expect many things from my commander, but an infinite capacity for liquids is certainly not one of them.”

Cullen blushed again. “I’m sorry”, he repeated. “I’ll not ignore my needs like that any longer, I swear.”

“And you won’t hesitate to tell me of anything like this, no matter how trivial it may seem?”

“Yes, ma’am. And, er, yes, also. To the chess, I mean.”  Cullen blushed furiously. He beginning to worry that his face would become permanently red at this rate.

“That’s a good man.” she smiled. “I’m sure I’ll be victorious this round.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” he said, managing a faint smile. “I’ve beaten you the last three.”

“We’ll just have to see.” She replied.

“Thank you.” He added awkwardly, feeling it needed to be said. “For helping me. And not being upset.”

“I don’t know how often I need tell you it doesn’t bother me. I’ve seen men go through much worse things in my day. And if you really need know, I think you’re handling this very well.”

She continued as she walked to the door, back to him.

“Besides, you made some awfully cute noises when you reached release, just then.”

Cullen flushed scarlet and stuttered helplessly for a few seconds at that, frozen in place and unable to reply. He finally hurried through the door she was holding open for him, unable to meet her eyes, and mumbled, “Well, I can assure you that those aren’t exactly the same….”

Trevelyan only laughed, and ushered him out of the room.

She stayed close beside him as they walked back to his quarters, a steadfast presence at his side letting him know that she was there. For the first time that day, Cullen felt light as air.

[bhaalble]

An Invitation- A Post-Trespasser Fic

So people have been showing interest in Sythia and I typed up this drabble forever ago about her being approached by my Inquisitor, Astyth Cadash. I’m always a slut for “returning heroes” and until da4 comes out, post-Trespasser is my playground

However, due to it being Fanfic Author Appreciation Day, I’d like to turn this into an invitation. Write up a drabble about what your warden, your Hawke, your Inquisitor, whoever you feel, is up to in a post-Trespasser world. How they’re dealing with the impending apocalypse (again). Tag me in it! I’ll try and reblog what I can.

So, without any more rambling...

It feels strange to be traveling on her own. The woods feel lonesome somehow without Sera and Dorian’s constant bickering, or Cole’s strange musings, or even Cassandra’s long-suffering sighs. Bull had offered to come with her, and she’d nearly accepted: it had been a long time since the two of them had taken a truly private trip.

But ultimately this was one she needed to take alone.

Almost all of her advisors had been against this, Cullen in particular. “Hero or no, she travels with one of the most well known and dangerous apostates in Thedas, not to mention one to whom you granted the magical knowledge of hundreds of elven mages!”

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with your personal encounter with the Warden, would it Commander?” Leliana had said coolly, though her expression had betrayed nothing as she peered over the missive from Harding.

Cullen had said nothing, but lapsed into silence. There was a story there, one Astyth was dying to find out, but she had a feeling nothing good could come of prodding her commander further. “Apostate or no apostate, I’m sure the Hero of Ferelden can’t have much motivation to see me dead. They have as much stake in the threat of Solas as anyone. Not to mention Morrigan is the only expert on eluvians we have any kind of contact with.”

“While I don’t quite share his...fervor” Josephine said, cutting across Cullen’s retort. “I agree with the principle of what the Commander is saying. Warden Tabris is a chess piece too important and too....volatile, to play in private. If we are going to bring her into the fold at this stage, it would be better to extend an invitation for her to come to Val Royeaux. She would be playing in our court, and additionally, she would be publicly lending some credence to our cause that we lost as the Exalted Council. We should-”

“She wouldn’t come, Josie.” Leliana said, putting the map down and straightening up. “Even if I asked personally, she doesn’t like to play politics.” She looked down at Astyth. “I think the plan is a sound one, Inquisitor, and furthermore, I think you should leave as soon as possible. Get away from Orlais for a bit while the talking heads wear themselves out. When you come back, with any luck, Josephine and I will have smoothed a few ruffled feathers, or plucked them. Meantime, Cullen can focus on marshalling the forces we have left.” She looked sidelong at the ex-templar. “Does that sound amenable, Commander?”

Cullen grumbled something seditious under his breath, but since becoming Leliana had become the Divine he had been reluctant to engage in their usual arguing. He heaved a heavy sigh and looked Astyth in the eye. “Its up to you, of course. But I can’t help but feel this will be a waste of resources at best, and an open invitation to something very dangerous, at the worst.”

“Its a risk I’ll have to take.” Astyth said, rolling up the map. “I’ll set out soon. Tell Dennett to have my horse ready.”

And now here she was, trodding through dense woods in the southern end of the Emerald Graves. Despite the Inquisition’s presence in this region, it was clear that this location had been intended to not be found. She had to abandon her horse to even have a hope of navigating these steep paths, and more than one bear skull mounted on a couple of broken pikes didn’t make for the most welcoming of images.

She didn’t know what to feel as she kept climbing. The Hero of Ferelden....she had just joined the Carta when the Blight began, and at the time had been too mired in trying to find her footing in the underworld of Orlais to care for much outside that. After her ill-fated stint with the Legion of the Dead, though, she knew better than anyone what a feat it was that she had accomplished. The versions of the stories that got to the bards of Orlais had no doubt been twisted and embellished, but they had inspired no small curiosity and admiration of her.

And then there were Leliana’s stories. Astyth flattered herself at this point that she had shaped Thedas’ future more than once, but she had nearly always had the full might of the Inquisition at her back. To do all these things with a ragtag force and next to no official recognition....half of them would’ve seemed unlikely. All of them, impossible.

She didn’t know what to expect. Leliana was fond of her, but had more than once described her as difficult to know. Morrigan had pointedly refused to discuss her while she stayed with the Inquistion, and Alistair had done the same (though, likely for very different reasons). 

Bull had always said she overthought things like this. She always countered that it was her job. She had to care about first impressions, about making a connection with people. Whether or not she actually was Andraste’s herald, her truest power came from her ability to inspire others to follow her. She was good at it too. But if it failed now...

There was a sudden thunk of a blade on wood, and she stopped. 

The path wound ahead for a little ways, but she could hear distant voice, and her instincts ultimately led her towards the sound.

“-depends what you’re looking for.” A woman’s voice. A bit out of breath, and punctuated occasionally by further thunks. “Personally, I prefer a little more-” thunk. “Power behind my strikes.”

“Papae says speed is more important.” A boy’s voice. Well, a teenager, likely, based on the cracks. And strangely familiar.

A snort, and another thunk. “Papae can talk about speed when he manages to take down a darkspawn horde on his own.”

She can see them now. A small clearing. A dark-haired boy she realizes with a thrill is Kieran, a bit taller and a little older now. He is playing with a dagger, watching an elven woman with hair so red it seems to glow chop wood. A bit aways she can see a decent sized cabin, smoke coming out of the chimney.

“Mamae, when are you going to say hello to our visitor?” Kieran says, without so much as looking away from the woman. “She’s come awfully far.”

“Visi-” The woman’s head turns, and she catches sight of Astyth.

For a moment, neither of them move. Sizing each other up, perhaps, or maybe the warden is just trying to figure out who she is. She hoists the axe onto her shoulder, casually, but perhaps also an unconscious warning.

Astyth examines her. Her face is etched with crimson vallaslin, an unusual color, so far as she knows. Even more unusual for a non-Dalish elf. Behind the markings, she can see lines starting to appear. She must be in her mid forties, but looks strong and healthy as can be. Her brow furrows a bit as she seems to give up the puzzle in front of her.

“....I’m sorry, can I-”

“Hello Inquisitor.” Kieran says cheerfully, slipping off the tree stump he’d been perched on. 

“Hullo, Kieran” Astyth says, managing a friendly smile towards him before returning her gaze to Sythia. “How is your mother?”

“She is well, but I don’t think she’ll like that you’re here.”

No, I don’t expect she will, she thought to herself.

“Inquisitor?” Sythia Tabris cocks an eyebrow. “Ah. So you’re her then.”

“I am. Astyth Cadash. Its an honor to meet you.” Astyth says, clasping her hands behind her back.

The elf snorts, lowering the axe to the ground. “Don’t know about honor.” She nods to Kieran, who hands her a basket. Tabris crouches to the ground and begins gathering the split wood. “What can I do for you?”

“I was hoping for some guidance, if you had some time.”

“Guidance?” She lifts the now full basket and gets to her feet, and Astyth realizes with a start that one of her legs is a prosthetic. It’s well made, but clearly a little worn. “What guidance could the Inquisition need from me? I’m assuming you know which end of the sword to stick in darkspawn, and as for not pissing off nearly every Ferelden noble, well, I was never much good at that.”

“Have you come about the Wolf?” It shouldn’t startle Astyth as much as it does. She should be used to it from Cole. But the child tilts his head, eyes bright with curiosity. “He’s not here, you know. Sometimes I see him at night, but he flits back and forth so fast I can’t ask him where he intends to be. I don’t think he knows.”

“Kieran,” Sythia says, tone not changing from one of quiet politeness. “Why don’t you go tell your mother we have a guest. I’m sure she has some choice comments she’ll want to prepare in advance.”

The boy doesn’t seem to mind, carefully placing the dagger on the tree trunk and running back to the cabin, leaving just Sythia and Astyth alone in the clearing. The warden nods her head towards the cabin and starts walking, leaving Astyth to catch up.

“I have to say, I was expecting you sooner.” Tabris says. Her gait, Astyth notes, only slightly favors the false leg. Clearly she’s used to it. Much more than she is to her own prosthetic, at least. “When I saw Leliana’s agents doing their best impression of field mice I was expecting a house call from your soldiers the next week at least.”

“Things have...been a bit hectic, of late.” Astyth said, running a hand through her white crop of hair. “As I’m sure you’ve heard.”

The warden nods, placing the wood by a small heap of firewood near the door. “I’ve heard rumors. Something about the apocalypse. The usual.”

“Leliana will be disappointed when I tell her you found her agents that quickly.” She says, handing her wood. Sythia gives her a long look before accepting it and carefully stacking it.

“To be fair, I live with one of the best assassins in Thedas, a child with the soul of an old god, and a pretty good guard dog.” She straightens up. “And Divine Victoria should learn to accept the fact that she has a full plate, and not make more work for herself sending people after me.”

She turns and starts mounting the steps to cabin porch. Astyth notes four chairs, gathered in a circle around a small pit holding the ashes of some long dead fire, and a side table holding books, a whetstone, and a pack of cards. Four chairs....Tabris, Morrigan, Kieran, and the fourth....

“My dear, have you seen my-...ah, company then?” 

A blond elf emerges from the cabin, examining Astyth with an amused glint. He’s handsome, to be sure. The lines around the eyes indicating a wealth of smiles, and his hair falls luxuriantly to his shoulders. Sythia’s shoulders seem to lose a bit of tension just at the sight of him, and she points back to the stump. “If you’re looking for your knife, your son has taken a sudden interest in fighting with speed.”

“We can’t all heft battleaxes, mi amor,” He leans in and pecks her cheek, pulling a smile as bright as it is involuntary from the Hero of Ferelden. “We leave that in your capable hands. Now, this is the Inquisitor, I take it?”

“Master Arainai.” She bows her head in acknowledgment. “Its an honor.”

“‘Master’? Now that I could get used to.” A mischievous grin creeps across his face, which somehow only makes him more dashing. “However, Zevran will do. I assume you have business with my wife? I warn you now, however much need Thedas has of her, it will take some convincing to get us to relinquish her.”

“I have no plans to take Warden Tabris from her home, I can assure you.”

“Mother wouldn’t let her anyways.” Kieran says, poking his head around Zevran’s side.

“Very true.” Zevran says, reaching down to ruffle the boy’s hair. “Now, Kieran, I think its time we give your mothers some privacy while we find something for supper.”

“Can I keep the dagger?”

“Mmm, for now, I think, if only to annoy Mamae.”

The boy giggles, for the moment wholly child, and runs to fetch it. Sythia rolls her eyes and kisses Zevran. “Don’t go too far. As it turns out, these woods are no longer private.”

“Please, when have you known me to be reckless?” He tucks a strand of her hair back, fingers tracing down to linger on a gold earring, a simple gold circle studded with one ruby that Astyth realizes matches one on his own ear. 

“Mm, you’re right, I don’t know what I was thinking.” Sythia says, a faint laugh in her voice.

“I’ll see you soon.” He presses a kiss to her forehead. Then he leans in to whisper something Astyth can’t quite catch. The warden’s face goes red, but suddenly the former Crow is off, guiding Kieran into the woods.

Astyth finds herself missing Bull, for a number of reasons. 

“I-...” Sythia clears her throat and gestures for her to come in, opening the door.

The inside is clean, but hardly spacious. Trinkets and books seem to fill every surface. Some oddities she recognizes (a stuffed nug, an Orlesian mask, a few books she remembers from Dorian’s collection) and others are a mystery (why a rainbow sword?). Every member of this household seems to be some variety of packrat, but regardless, its cozy, with an overstuffed sofa and a fire crackling in a hearth. 

The peace, however, is marred by a clattering of dishes coming from what appears to be the kitchen. The noise is too loud to be accidental, and there are some sharp huffs that Astyth recognizes as Morrigan. 

Sythia looks warily towards the kitchen and gestures to the sofa, holding up a finger to indicate one moment. Astyth decides to take her advice, and her seat as well.

Sythia disappears into the kitchen. The clattering stopped, but is replaced by furious whispers that threaten to become shouting soon enough.

“-taken enough, and if they-”

Sythia’s voice cuts across, gentle and murmuring, until eventually there is silence. Finally, a long heave of a sigh, and Morrigan emerges out of the kitchen like a stormy wind. Sythia is only just behind her but there seems to be some subconscious attempt on Morrigan’s part to shield her from view, as if Astyth might forget she’s there if she can’t see her. “Inquisitor. What an unexpected pleasure.” The sarcasm lingers heavily on the last word, and the apostate’s yellow eyes are crackling with warning.

“Its nice to see you too, Morrigan.” Astyth says, forcing herself to keep her tone light. At other times she had gotten on quite well with the witch, but then, at other times she hadn’t posed a threat to her wife. 

“Before you read off whatever long-winded summons your Chantry has sent you with, let me make it clear from the very start: we are not in the least bit-”

“Morrigan.” Sythia says quietly, slipping a hand through hers and coming along beside her. It’s hard to tell but Astyth thinks she might be a bit amused. “Let’s hear her out before you tear her to pieces at least.”

“I don’t see why.” Morrigan mutters, though her fingers lace instinctively through the elf’s. “It’s more efficient this way.”

“I really am only here to talk” Astyth says. “I do have an offer, but its secondary, if anything. I came here on my own, not as the Inquisitor.” She tries for a wry smile, tilting her head. “At least listen to what I have to say, so I don’t have to admit to Cullen this was the waste of time he thinks it is.”

It’s a cheap attempt, but it does almost seem to give Morrigan pause. That almost pause is enough time for Sythia to guide her into a seat, taking the one next to her. “Well. Can’t have Cullen thinking he’s right about something.” She turns to lock eyes with Astyth, and nods for her to speak.

“So....I’m assuming you’ve heard about my friend Solas then?”

“Bits and pieces. And Morrigan’s been noticing something’s off with the eluvian.”

“And when exactly did you find the time to pry into my notes?” Morrigan grumbles as she sits back. Clearly intending to endure this conversation with as little grace as possible, if she must endure it at all. Sythia only smirks and doesn’t respond to it.

“In any case, I’d like to hear your version of events.” 

“.....well, in order to understand it....I’d think you’d have to understand Solas.” Astyth says. Fingers tracing out patterns in the couch.

-----

She tells the story, beginning with Haven. She plunders her memory for anything, any small detail that might be useful, as she has done time and time again since her best friend disappeared into an eluvian with the promise to bring an end to everything she cared about. 

She tells of an elven apostate, mysterious and distant and a bit condescending, but kind in a way that’s hard to place and infinitely knowledgeable. She tells a story of alliance, friendship....and ultimately, betrayal.

Morrigan spends a good portion of the story making derisive noises and rolling her eyes. But when she comes to the elven orb, and the Exalted Council, the witch falls silent. She bites the corner of her lip in thought and at times her eyes widen in some kind of private realization, though she’s doing her best to mask it.

Sythia, for her part, says nothing. Slowly leaning forward, propping her elbows on her knees, she only watches the Inquisitor intently. Expression neutral, betraying no sympathy, but also no hostility.

Finally, she comes to the final confrontation. With perhaps a touch of dramatic flair, she pulls off the glove on her left hand, revealing a hand of copper metal. Morrigan flinches, just a bit, though Sythia does nothing more than tilt her head a bit.

“As it stands,” Astyth says, rotating her wrist a bit. “I’ve lost whatever control I had over the Fade, at probably the worst possible moment. Which is why I require your help.” She looks them both earnestly in the eye. “Both of you are more experienced than most with the Fade realm. And given that Merrill hasn’t been seen for months, Morrigan is the foremost living expert on eluvians we know of. I wouldn’t even require a physical presence. For the moment, at least, this isn’t your fight. But any notes, any piece of information you find....it may be exactly what we need to save us all from destruction.”

For a moment there is silence in the room. Morrigan has a stormy expression, looking at war between several desires at once. A mortal desire to not have the world destroyed, an apostate’s desire for new and possibly dangerous knowledge.....and a wife’s desire to protect her loved ones from harm. Her eyes keep travelling to the copper shine of Astyth’s arm, as though it is a physical reminder of everything she fears to lose Tabris to.  Just as Astyth opens her mouth to try and provide further assurances, Sythia abruptly gets to her feet.

“I’d like to talk to you alone for a moment.”She says, slipping her hands in her pockets and nodding towards the porch. Astyth hesitates for a moment, but ultimately follows the Warden outside. Morrigan decides not to follow, evidently reading something in her tone.

The story has taken time, and the woods are growing darker and darker. Sythia leans back against the railing and gestures towards a seat, which Astyth takes. “So, first question: where did you get your arm?”

“Oh-...” It takes Astyth by surprise, and self consciously she runs the hand through her hair. “Bianca Davri’s innovation. We commissioned her.”

Sythia nods slowly. “She does good work. Not that I have many complaints with mine.” She swings her leg a bit as if to demonstrate.

“Who did it?”

“Best blacksmith I ever met. Wade, of Denerim. He was eager for the challenge, and possibly owed me a favor.”

“....can I ask....”

“How it happened?” A wry smile spreads on her face as she looks out over the clearing. “Its a long tale, Inquisitor, and I was never much for stories. Suffice to say, curing the taint is no simple task.”

“And have you?  Cured it, I mean.” She had heard nothing of it.

“......It remains to be seen. Regardless, its quieted the damned singing for a few minutes, which to me is worth a couple of limbs.”

“Lucky” The word slips out, and even she isn’t quite sure what she means by it. Lucky to be cured, or lucky that at least there’s a good cause that’s taken your body? Sythia seems to understand, at least.

“I am. In many ways.....” Her voice is soft as she fiddles with something on her hand. A ring, simple silver, but well worn. “Still, when Morrigan found me in the aftermath I thought she might just finish the job. She was furious.”

“She was angry? With you?”

A rush of air through her nose that might be a snort and might be a sigh. “Morrigan’s had....an unusual raising. There’s nothing she’s more afraid of than weakness. Than loss. To her, the leg represents both, try as she might to hide that fear from me.”

“What does it represent to you?”

The elf says nothing for a long moment. “....you know, that warden motto never sat right with me. Perpetual war, perpetual vigilance....comes across as an excuse for anything we might do in the interim between the Blights. But they got something right with the idea of sacrifice.”  Through the woods comes a peal of laughter Astyth recognizes as Kieran. The hunters returning, and Sythia’s head turns instinctively towards them. 

“...I’ve sacrificed a lot to get here. And I’ll sacrifice a lot more to keep it. So to me....its a promise. In the same way your arm is a promise.” She turns to face her. “That there’s hard journeys behind and beyond where you stand now. But where you stand? Well....that’s worth keeping.”

They finally come into view, Kieran on some long-winded musing speech as he circles Zevran again and again. The former Crow has a brace of rabbits in either hand and is listening with amusement to the child’s story. His eyes meet Sythia’s and there’s a glint there Astyth knows. It’s how Sera looks at Dagna. How Krem looks at Maryden.

How Bull looks at her.

“Tell your council: I’ll come to Val Royeaux, if they can provide accommodations for my family.” Sythia says, a slow smile spreading as she waves to Kieran.

“I-” Astyth feels a surge of excitement. This was better than they had ever hoped. “Are-...are you sure? The notes would certainly be more than enough-”

“Knowing how these matters usually go, the notes won’t be enough. You’ll need Morrigan’s expertise, my experience, and a bit of Kieran’s insight. And....well, Zevran’s coming for morale.” She grins, before looking back at Astyth. “You were wrong, Inquisitor. This is my fight. I like this world, and I’d prefer if it went on spinning a little longer.”

“And what dark plans are you two making, hm?” Zevran says, coming to the base of the steps. He hands Kieran the brace and he rushes inside, chattering excitedly to Morrigan. 

“Now, it’s hardly fun if I just come out and tell you, is it?” she says, winking towards Astyth. The Inquisitor returns it: this is Sythia’s request to make of them, and she’ll leave her to the details.

“Aaahh, so its to be secrets then?” He moves to stand next to her, a wicked grin on his face as he leans on the railing. “You know that only makes me more determined to find out what it is”

“If it’s left to your spying ability, it’ll stay a safe secret forever.” 

“Such cruel words from a woman so beautiful.” He tugs lightly on a loose strand of her hair, which makes her cover a laugh as she bats him away. “It can’t be borne.”

“I’m sorry, would you two prefer to be left alone, or...” Astyth trails off suggestively, smirking a bit.

“Not at all, I enjoy it more with an audience.”

It makes Astyth laugh and Tabris blush like a schoolgirl, and Morrigan comes out to see about the commotion, trying very very hard to look annoyed, though she’s biting back a smile. “I suppose it would be too much to ask that you behave yourself in front of a perfect stranger.”

“My dear enchantress, you should know by now I never behave myself without incentive.” He looks down at his clothes with a sigh. “Though the rabbit offal on my shirt is a bit of a mood killer, I’ll admit.” Pushing off the railing, he turns to look at Astyth. “Inquisitor, you’ll be staying for dinner, I hope?”

“Oh, I...” She looks at Morrigan in a silent question. She doesn’t want to intrude. But the apostate only sighs. 

“Perhaps you should. You’ve a long journey back to camp. And at the moment your presence may be the only thing that restrains this one from doing something indecent within earshot of my son.” She pointedly clips Zevran’s ear, who only chuckles and grabs her hand, pressing a kiss to the palm before breezing past her to the door. 

“Excellent. I’ll cook.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’ll cook-” Morrigan says, following him as their bickering continues further into the house.

“Then again,” Sythia says, looking over at Astyth on her way inside. “Perhaps Val Royeaux isn’t ready for us yet.”

[bubblemoon66]

okay so PLEASE GIVE US SOME MORE OF UR VILEKYRIE SPY AU 6, 9, 39, 40, 57, 65, 70, 74 AAAAAAND 75

Ayyyyeeee. Here’s the context for people wondering. 

Beware! N.S.F.W. (18+) content ahead: 

6.       Who hogs the blanket?

Valkyrie hogs the blanket. She sorta needs to since she usually sleeps naked. Vile doesn’t need a blanket (or, you know, sleep) so it doesn’t really bother him.  

9.       Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

A lot of Valkyrie and Vile’s fights end with them screwing against a wall/table/other surface of your choice. Half the time that eases the tension enough for them to stop caring what they were fighting about and they’ll happily go to bed together (for round two). The other half of the time they’re still pissed with each other and Valkyrie will stalk off to bed alone (with some swearing and door slamming) and Vile will go find something else to do elsewhere in the palace, pretending he doesn’t care (he does, but he’s pissed he does). Sometimes they’ll pretend like nothing happened the morning after and everything’s fine. Sometimes (fairly rarely) one of them will give a half-hearted insult-laden apology. Sometimes they have to work out the rest of their feelings physically (whether that be through beating the crap out of a third-party or more hate-sex). The one thing they don’t do is talk about their feelings in depth. It’s not exactly a healthy relationship. 

Occasionally, Valkyrie’s too pissed off even for hate-sex so she’ll find some unoccupied corner of the castle where she can avoid Vile until she’s ready to see him again. Because if she’s around Vile he’ll try to seduce her and she’ll either give in or try to kill him and neither are good options when she’s in that kind of mood. She’ll sleep on a couch if she can find one in a place Vile’s unlikely to look, but she’ll sleep on a stable floor if that’s what it takes to prove her point/avoid him. 

39.   Who sleeps in the other’s lap?

Vile doesn’t sleep, but he’s always putting his head in Val’s lap. It’s one of the few things that makes him feel at peace. And when he’s at peace he can actually meditate and recuperate. Most of the time she loves it. Seeing Vile relaxed, makes her feel more relaxed. And she likes absentmindedly stroking his armour. But the problem is Vile can meditate for hours when they’re like this and Valkyrie can’t always stay still that long. It ends up being a bit like when you have a cat in your lap and you have to get up and you try to move them without disturbing them but they always wake up and look at you so affronted.

40.   Who is incredible in bed and completely knocks the other off their feet the first time they have sex?

VILE. To a ridiculous extent. Their first time is just him pinning her to a wall and ravishing her until her knees buckle. Valkyrie would try to peel off his armour so she could reciprocate (she has no idea what’s underneath his armour at this point) but he’d swat her hands away with his shadows and work twice as hard to distract her. 

57.   Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after?

By default, it’s Val having the nightmares.  Once Vile starts to Care™ and he and Val are spending their nights together, he takes up humming to her mid-nightmare to soothe her into a more peaceful sleep. Occasionally, when the mood takes him,  his humming might turn into a few lines from a song. But, at this stage, he’s not really comfortable singing to her when she’s awake enough to remember it. 

Vile sometimes dissociates, which freaks Valkyrie out at first, but she eventually figures she can calm him by talking softly. When she runs out of things to say she’ll sing quietly or (more often) read aloud. 

65.   Which one tells the other not to stay up all night and which one stays up all night anyway? 

Valkyrie tells Vile she needs sleep, unlike some people. But does Vile listen? Absolutely not. He’ll keep her awake all night if he wants to. (Her complaints the morning after are only for show). 

70.   Who takes like 10 minutes of persuading to get out of bed each morning?

Mmm. So, when Valkyrie’s still new to the palace she’d be tense af and sleeping terribly. Lie-ins are out of the question because she can’t stand staying still. Her mind’s all over the place so she needs to keep her body moving to compensate.

Once she and Vile are hooking up regularly she starts sleeping better because she’s physically exhausted and post-coital Val doesn’t want to move for at least the next ten hours. She also sleeps better because she feels safer around Vile. Not completely safe (there’s always going to be a tinge of fear with him, but that’s part of the thrill) but she knows no one else would dare touch her with Vile around. 

74.   Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

They're both really really into it. It usually ends up being more sexy than relaxing (which is both their faults) unless one of them is nursing an injury. 

Imagine: It's early days in their relationship and Vile and Valkyrie have been sparring together somewhere in Vile's private quarters. They start arguing (doesn't matter what about). Valkyrie's fed up. She storms off. Or tries to storm off. Vile blocks her way. She ducks under his arm and keeps moving. She just wants to get out. Too late she realises she's stepped into his bathroom and not the exit. She's too proud to admit she's made a mistake so she rolls with it and starts running the bath water. Declaring she's sore and sweaty so if you'll excuse her please she's going to take a bath. Vile's still there, still looking furious. And Valkyrie's done talking to him so she does the only thing she can think of which is to start stripping because she's committed now and he'll probably leave her alone once she half-way done undressing... right? Except, Vile just kind of freezes. He should feel anger for the insolence she's shown, these are his rooms after all, but he's too surprised to feel angry. And really turned on. They've slept together - just a handful of times by this point - but it's always been hands-reaching-under-clothes in dimly-lit corridors. This is the first time he's actually seen her naked. And goddamn, has he been missing out. Vile can't move, can't look away until she's slipping into the water. Then he's there sitting next to her, his shadows reaching into the water, and things progress from there.... (She sleeps in his bed, for the first time, that night). 

75.   Who would throw the other into a pool? 

Valkyrie desperately wants to throw Vile into the pool (or lake or large bath, any body of water will do) but she knows she'll only have one opportunity because if she tries once (whether she fails or succeeds) he'll always be on guard against it. So she bides her time only the perfect opportunity arises. Years pass then one day when they're alone on a hot summer day outside the city. They stop by a lake so Val can cool down. She's swimming, naked, and Vile's leaning over the water so he can kiss her. She grabs him and pulls. He loses his balance and ends up in the water with her. Valkyrie never ever attempts it again because she knows she'll never manage it a second time. but she's satisfied for the rest of her life. 

[aion-rsa]

Full Metal Jacket and Its Troubled Production

https://ift.tt/2ZPykkQ

Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket was a train wreck production, which is probably what made it great.

facebook

twitter

tumblr

SPOILER ADVISORY: If you haven’t seen Full Metal Jacket, watch it before reading this article. Watch it if you don’t read this article. If you’ve already seen it, watch it again whether you read the article or not.

The casualties of the Vietnam War went beyond soldiers and civilians. The geopolitical morass engulfed journalists, novelists and correspondents trying to get the information out of jungles, rice paddies and cities under siege. Filmmakers trying to untangle the truths in hindsight were swallowed by the scope of the collective trauma of the conflict. Martin Sheen almost gave his heart to play in Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now. Bitter partisan rivalries erupted from the camps of Coming Home and Deerhunter. But Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket is one of the most horrifying glimpses into war ever captured on celluloid. Like many great films, it was as much a runaway train wreck as the war itself.

Kubrick held throughout his life that education was meaningless, but his films are as much history lessons as they are historic. He hired aerospace experts to help design his 2001: A Space Oddessy, creating an atmosphere so realistic that some people today believe he faked the 1969 moon landing on a back lot (those people are of course morons). Kubrick is a mythical storyteller but the stories about him are just as mythic.

The 1987 war movie Full Metal Jacket looms large in the Kubrick legends. It is a classic film which was constantly on the verge of derailment during production which continued running long after the tracks ran out. The movie began as an adaptation of a book and is the subject of a book. Full Metal Jacket Diary, written by Matthew Modine, who played Jokerman the film, takes some of the myth out of the legendary director, while playing into the very stories that made him legendary.

To hear the stories, every Kubrick production was a runaway production. Visions change during the process of shooting, pages are added, characters cut. Sometimes entire premises are rethought. Kubrick proceded at a leisurely frantic pace. He could shelve a project for years to get the timing right. That’s what puts Kubrick in the ranks of Orson Welles and Terry Gilliam. They all produced legendary runaway productions, some of them never even seeing the projected light of a theatrical release.

Full Metal Jacket was in production from August 1985 through September 1986. The crew took a three-month break from shooting while R. Lee Ermey, the drill sergeant playing the drill instructor, recovered from a car accident. Ermey broke all the ribs on one side of his body. Oliver Stone got Platoon greenlit by arguing that Kubrick was already making a movie about the unfilmable Vietnam War. Full Metal Jacket took so long to finish that Platoon beat it to theaters by six months. The film premiered on June 17, 1987 and had its wide release on June 26.

We have extensive notes on the shoot because Kubrick encouraged Modine to keep a diary and let the actor take pictures of the set and the production. Modine figured the diary would be a part of his actor’s prep for playing a war correspondent for Stars and Stripes. Modine, while never losing his pride in the finished film, complained that making it was a miserable experience. He confirmed the reports that shooting dragged forever as Kubrick’s multiple takes had no apparent rhyme or reason, even as they were so constructed with such detail that cameras were set to within an eighth of an inch.

The moped hooker scene, for example, took so long to shoot that the telling spans chapters of Modine's book. Full Metal Jacket actors almost mutinied when Kubrick broke union rules to keep them working long past overtime for the sometimes eccentric director. Modine tells about how Kubrick gave him directions via radio to get to an outhouse because he’d locked himself in and didn’t want to tell anyone listening in on the shortwave.

Similar complaints about Kubrick’s indulgences plagued many of his films. Tom Cruise got an ulcer making Eyes Wide Shut. Malcolm McDowell never stopped calling Stanley a bastard for scraping his cornea while making A Clockwork Orange. Kubrick tricked George C. Scott into overplaying the role of Gen. Turgidson in Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb by telling the actor he was doing practice takes that wouldn’t make their way into the final film. They did.

During the shooting of The Shining, Kubrick terrorized Shelley Duvall to break her down to her most "emotionally fragile" state. What Kubrick couldn’t do by berating her, he did by takes. Some legends say Kubrick shot the scene where Jack Nicholson threatens Duvall’s Wendy with a bat 127 times. That was too many times at bat for Duvall, who had a breakdown and flashbacks for months.

read more: How The Shining Examines the Immortality of Evil

Modine said he had to fight to be in the delivery room when his wife gave birth. Modine tells about a pissing match he had with Kubrick about whether he could leave the set to be with his wife when she was having a breach birth and needed an emergency cesarean section. Modine had to threaten to cut himself and get sent to the hospital himself in order for Kubrick to back down.

To be fair to Stanley, Modine made the director sit through a lot of Kubrick meets God jokes. He also never seemed to answer the questions Kubrick was asking, but giving answers that he thought Kubrick wanted to hear. Modine bemoans in retrospect how he should have stuck up more for the actors, but at the time he was new at star treatment. Star treatment by Kubrick is vastly different than from other directors.

Modine opens the book personally. He was just starting to make money as an actor. He bought a house with his wife. Val Kilmer was talking shit about him. Modine may or may not have gotten the role of Joker because of Kilmer. He tells a story about how he and actor David Allen Grier were out to dinner in New York City when Modine saw Kilmer looking at him and cursing. Grier went over to see what was what, and Kilmer bitched that Modine was cast in some Vietnam movie that Stanley Kubrick was making. Modine said he wasn’t aware of it, but hey, what a great idea. He sent in clips from Birdy as an audition. Kubrick cast him in spite of the clip he never watched which he deemed a shouting match.

Kubrick comes off as a bit of a mad genius. What makes me love him is his approach. He doesn’t know exactly what he wants, makes everything up as he goes along, shoots everything and figures he’ll create order from the chaos in the editing room. Kubrick started as a photographer and wasn’t afraid of long periods in dark rooms, with or without red lights. The man who allowed Kubrick to be that mad genius was Leon Vitali, his unflappable and non-inflammable assistant, a cigarette always in his mouth dropping ashes on the piles of paper he carried on his chest.

Full Metal Jacket was based on Gustav Hasford's 1979 novel The Short-Timers. Hasford was a Marine who had also served as a combat correspondent during the Vietnam War. Kubrick wrote the screenplay with Hasford and Michael Herr. War correspondent Herr wrote the Vietnam War memoir Dispatches.

Hasford was barred from the production because he wanted a full credit and threatened to sue. He sneaked onto the set camouflaged as an extra. Full Metal Jacket got a Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar nomination for Kubrick, Herr and Hasford. Hasford died in 1993 at age 45.

The book The Short-Timers is divided into three sections, "The Spirit of the Bayonet," "Body Count," and "Grunts." "The Spirit of the Bayonet" is Private James T. "Joker" Davis' introduction to Marine Corps boot camp. Gunnery Sergeant Gerheim rips the men apart and puts them back together again as killing machines. Joker makes friends with “Cowboy” Lance Corporal Compton and “Gomer Pyle" Leonard Pratt (Leonard Lawrence in the movie), the barracks fuckup who is a wrench in the mean green machine. He kills himself and the drill instructor, not in that order, in front of the whole platoon. In the book, the Gunnery Sergeant dies telling Pyle he’s proud of him because he is truly a killer.

read more: The Myth of A Clockwork Orange's Ban

"Body Count" finds Joker assigned as a war correspondent for the Marines and Stars and Stripes in 1968. Joker gets promoted to sergeant and his sent with his photographer, Rafter Man, from Da Nang to Phu Bai to cover the front lines after the Tet Offensive. Joker gets knocked out by a concussion grenade and dreams his way through a battle. When he wakes up he finds out the squad leader went nuts and attacked the NVA with a BB gun and the platoon commander got killed by a friendly grenade.

The grenades may be friendly, but Joker gets busted to rifleman for wearing a peace sign button. Rafter Man gets a taste for human flesh. A fellow marine named Winslow. Trying to one-up Joker, Rafter Man takes a yellow piece of the dead soldier’s flesh, as big as a “John Wayne cookie, wet with blood,” makes sure everyone in his hooch know what he has and puts it in his mouth. Rafter Man thinks he’s going to throw up, but he swallows it. He gets done by tank that also took out a Vietnamese girl and a water buffalo.

Joker stops talking to Rafter Man after he dies. Talking to dead people is not a healthy habit for a living person and lately Joker has been talking to "dead people quite a lot." At least since he made his first confirmed kill, "talking to corpses began to make more sense than talking to people who had not yet been wasted," the book says.

"Grunts" is the jungle mission where Cowboy's squad encounters the sniper outside of Khe Sanh. Three marines go down, the company commander becomes a babbling idiot and Cowboy orders the squad to pull back. The machine gunner Animal Mother refuses to leave the wounded men behind and threatens Cowboy, who makes Joker the squad leader while he kills the three wounded soldiers. "Marines never abandoned their dead or wounded, Mr. Squad Leader, sir," he explains. Cowboy gets hit by the sniper, can’t shoot himself, and Joker has to put him out of his misery. In the movie, when Cowboy dies you can see a building in the background that looks like the alien monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

In the book, Marines are separated into groups. A "short" or "short-timer" is a soldier who’s coming up on the last 13 months of his tour of duty.  A "lifer" doesn’t necessarily mean being a career marine. Lifers go through life acting like it, treat other marines like they are there by some divine providence. "A lifer is anybody who abuses authority he doesn't deserve to have. There are plenty of civilian lifers," Joker says. In the movie, Joker is mocked for his lack of the thousand-yard stare, but he’s not a lifer. “Poges" are any Marines who don’t have combat positions, like mechanics, cooks and the guys who do the paperwork. A "grunt" is a basic rifleman.

In the book, the grunt Animal Mother loves killing. It doesn’t matter if they are friendlies or "gooks," who he says understand grunts better than anyone. He brags about fragging officers and is reprimanded for raping teenage girls. In the movie, of course, Animal Mother becomes the leader of the pack that’s made for you and me, probably the best use of the Mickey Mouse March in the arts. After all, the U.S. was in the world of shit called the Vietnam War to protect Disney’s interests. In the book, Animal Mother is much a broken machine as Private Pyle, Kubrick turned him into a hero in the movie.

Kubrick filmed Full Metal Jacket locally. The Bronx-born director moved to Great Britain in 1962 when he was filming Lolita. To make the English countryside look like Vietnam, Kubrick flew 200 palm trees in from Spain and hundreds of thousands of jungle plants from Hong Kong. Kubrick spent two months meticulously destroying the abandoned Beckton Gas Works to make it match a 1969 photograph of the ruined city of Hue. Modine called the gas works an environmental disaster area that got the cast and crew sick.

The Parris Island sequences were shot at the Bassingbourn Barracks army base in England. R. Lee Ermey was a real-life Parris Island Marine drill sergeant during the Vietnam War. Kubrick hired him as a technical adviser but he wanted to play the drill instructor Hartman. Ermey had a role in Apocalypse Now, but that wasn’t good enough for Kubrick. Ermey played his first drill sergeant role in The Boys in Company C, but that wasn't mean enough for Stan. Ermey auditioned with a 15 minute tape of him improvising insults while being pelted with oranges and tennis balls. He got the gig. Kubrick let Ermey write his own lines and he came up with about 150 pages of insults.

Kubrick took all he’d learned from his direction of Shelly Duvall and put it in boot camp. The movie opens with the actors getting their heads shaved, this causes a psychological dissociation. The actors had to have their heads shaved once a week during the boot camp. The boot camp scene is about as accurate as you can get in the movies. I had a Marine friend who told me his drill instructor kicked the guy next to him in line and broke his nose for cracking wise. The movie shows the platoon throwing Pyle a blanket party over a donut. It is now routine to see the multitudes pay for the sins of lesser marines and to witness boot camp educational shouting matches.

read more: The Stanley Kubrick Napoleon Movie That Almost Was

Modine and Vincent D’Onofrio had their own matches as they played hearty games of quien es mas macho. To portray Private Gomer Pyle, D'Onofrio gained 70 pounds for a total weight of 280 pounds, beating the previous record set by Robert De Niro, who put on 60 pounds to play Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull. The extra weight tore the ligaments in D'Onofrio’s legs and he had to get surgery to fix it.

Arliss Howard played Private/Sergeant Robert "Cowboy" Evans. He says he’s a Texan but he’s actually from Kansas. Adam Baldwin played the M60 machine gunner Sgt. "Animal Mother.” Animal Mother has "I Am Become Death," a quotation from the Bhagavad Gita, etched on his helmet.

Dorian Harewood, from Billy & Mandy's Big Boogey Adventure, played Cpl. "Eightball,” the black guy with the bookoo boner. In the book he’s the surfer dude Daytona Dave. Kevyn Major Howard played Private First Class "Rafterman." Ed O'Ross played the Lusthog Squad's platoon commander Lt. Walter J. "Touchdown" Schinoski.

John Terry played Stars and Stripes’ assignment editor Lt. Lockhart. Kieron Jecchinis played squad leader Sgt. "Crazy Earl." He had a BB gun in his holster. John Stafford played HM Doc Jay. Bruce Boa played the colonel who asked about Joker’s helmet. Joker explains that wearing the peace sign alongside "Born to Kill" on his M1 helmet has something to do with Jungian philosophy and the duality of man.

Papillon Soo Soo played the Vietnamese hooker in the forever-to-shoot moped scene. She had been in the James Bond film A View to a Kill. Her "Me so horny" and "Me love you long time" lines were sampled in 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny" and Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back."

Tim Colceri, who was originally supposed to play Sgt. Hartman, was recast as the helicopter door gunner who recites lines from Herr's Dispatches about how many women and children he’d killed. "You guys ought to do a story about me sometime cause I'm so fucking good! That ain't no shit, neither. I've done got me 157 dead gooks killed and 50 water buffaloes, too! Them are all certified,” he says. Joker asks if he’d killed "Any women or children?" When he say he sometimes does, Joker asks how he could shoot women and children and the gunner says "Easy, you just don't lead 'em so much! Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ain't war hell?"

Kubrick originally wanted The Breakfast Club’s Anthony Michael Hall to play Joker, but the talks went on too long. Bruce Willis had to turn down a role in the movie because he couldn’t get out of his TV series, Moonlighting. Stanley’s daughter Vivian Kubrick wrote the score under the name Abigail Mead.

A full metal jacket is a bullet used by infantry riflemen. The bullet has a copper coating that prevents it from deforming or breaking apart on impact. The bullet allows for higher muzzle velocities than bare lead. It prevents damage to bones from steel or armor-piercing core materials. A box of Winchester 5.56 55-Grain Full-Metal Jacket bullets costs $10.84 at Walmart.

Full Metal Jacket cost about $30 million to make and sold about $46.4 million worth of tickets. It is the only major film about the Vietnam War that focuses on urban warfare instead of the jungle. Kubrick is a fetishist. The geometric framings and the haunting close-ups are exacting, emotional razor blades that cut into the subconscious, creating treasured nightmares that last a lifetime. Full Metal Jacket is the only Kubrick movie, besides Dr. Strangelove, that runs under two hours. It is so layered that it can seem like a longer picture. It is an education.

facebook

twitter

tumblr

Feature

Books

Tony Sokol

Jun 26, 2019

Full Metal Jacket

Stanley Kubrick

Vincent D'Onofrio

from Books https://ift.tt/2FwwZaY

[briannaslist]

Chapter 10: The Lost Weekend

A Riverdale Recap

I’m going off of memory for this one, instead of my notes, so I’m probably going to miss some stuff. Sorry in advance.

It’s Jughead’s birthday and Jughead hates his birthday. That’s essentially the whole episode. He likes it as low-key as possible. He and Archie check out whatever double feature is at the movie theater and he’s content.

Archie decides to tell Betty about it being Jughead’s birthday. His girlfriend does not even know, that’s how much Jughead does not like his birthday. The group gets together for lunch (sans Jughead for some reason). Chuck is back at school and the group just kind of stares him down in this Pretty Little Liars-esque way. Totally forgot about Chuck and his suspension. How long was he suspended? Was it a week or so? Is that really all the time that has passed these few episodes? At this rate the show could go ten seasons. Anyway, the last we saw and heard of Chuck, Jughead was saying in his narration that there would be a fallout soon to come from the justice that Betty and Veronica got on him; I guess this is that episode.

So they all watch Chuck come in and head straight for Ethel’s table. Ethel is sitting there alone and Chuck sits across from her. None of the core group like the look of that, so Betty goes over there to see what’s up. But when she walks over there, things are very strange. Chuck says he’s just there to apologize and Ethel brushes off the concern. The whole thing looks so sketchy. Betty goes back to her table.

Betty brings up Jughead’s birthday and suggests that they have a surprise party. Archie immediately shakes his head and says “No, not a good idea. I told you before he hates his birthday.” And Betty’s like, “Well let’s make him like his birthday. He’s never had a birthday party and we should do this for him.” And Archie still is like, adamantly against this. Meanwhile Veronica is all, “Oh I’m so in, I have a cute new dress I want to wear,” and Kevin is like, “No one who says they hate their birthday and surprises actually means that; he totally wants a party.” Kids, if someone tells you that they do not like parties, surprises, or their birthday, then respect that; if they’re lying to “test” you with mind-games, then that is even more reason not to do it. Archie actually agrees to it despite spending that whole time saying that it was a bad idea. Archie can’t even listen to his own cautions. I’m so disappointed; I was really proud of him up until that point. Now I’m going to be mad at him for the duration of the episode.

Switching gears to Ronnie’s Rotten Life –At some point, Archie tells Veronica what he heard Cliff and Penelope Blossom saying about being the reason Hiram is in jail at all. Veronica feels she needs to get her revenge somewhere, so she goes with Cheryl – the one person who couldn’t have done anything.

When Veronica gets to cheerleading practice, she and Cheryl have a confrontation that leads to a “dance off”. Nothing about this dance off makes any sense; it’s actually quite bad. I felt embarrassed to watch this. These don’t look like dance moves for any cheer routine ever. They’re both moving very slowly and the moves are way too over-the-top sexual for any high school team. The River Vixens vote on who they would rather have lead the routine and predictably pick Veronica. What’s more surprising is that Betty is still a member of the River Vixens. Here I thought she quit after the second episode.

Cheryl is really pissed about getting upstaged and not having anyone vote for her. She “fires” her two right-hand minions and goes about her own revenge. This leads to her approaching Chuck for a team up. While she admits that she thinks he’s vile, she knows he can help her.

Meanwhile, Veronica and Hermione go to the lawyer to talk about Hiram’s case. Veronica is privately informed that if she doesn’t testify for her dad, then her mom may be implicated; this is a message from Hiram himself, so Veronica is understandably very upset.

The surprise party is being held at the Andrews’ because Fred is in Chicago with Archie’s mom, working on their divorce. Archie, Kevin, Joaquin, and Ethel are inside. When Ethel hears someone outside, she assumes it’s Jughead and Betty returning from their movie and yells “Surprise!” when the door opens. But it’s Veronica all in a pissy mood. Moments later, Jughead and Betty actually do arrive, and Jughead clearly isn’t happy about this. He’s very uncomfortable. In fact, his behavior and words even suggests that he only puts up with the other members of his friend group because of Betty and Archie. I’m convinced Jughead does not care for more than half of the people in this room.

Oh! Also, Archie is in a bit of a mood too about the divorce. His parents have been separated for two years and he even said he’s not really upset about them moving on, but he’s feeling some weirdness. So he snuck a drink. And when Veronica came in, she also snuck into the liquor cabinet because of her bad mood. Cause why not? When Archie hugs Jughead, Jughead can immediately tell that Archie has been drinking, making things even more uncomfortable. Basically, the entire episode is awkward. There’s just too much tension.

Betty gets Jughead’s cake, which is shaped like a burger, and walks out singing happy birthday. Jughead tells her that her singing was haunting and she says to make a wish. He whispers to her that he wishes it was just the two of them and blows out the candles. Veronica walks off to the kitchen to cry about her life and Archie follows her.

Veronica tells Archie what happened and he hugs her. She says she’s not in a party mood. Yeah, neither is the guest of honor, so why the fuck did you come? If you don’t feel like a party, then don’t go to the party; Jughead would not miss you. Things then get worse as the doorbell rings. Archie opens the door to see Chuck and Cheryl with a crowd behind them. You know, because on TV everyone shows up to the party at the same time. Moose asks Archie where he wants the keys and Archie says, “Screw it, one in living room, one in the backyard.”

“Screw it, one in living room, one in the backyard,” he said, about a party for his best friend that he knew the friend did not want. Jughead wasn’t even happy with like seven people there; he sure as hell is not going to be comfortable with a full party. Also, Chuck and Cheryl’s entire plan hinged on Archie saying to come into his house? What if Archie hit his head and was being smart that day and said, “Nah, go away?” Would they then say, “Aw, revenge plan over?” and cut their losses. What a weird plan.

Jughead hangs out in the garage with Archie’s dog. F.P. finds him in there and gives him a gift. Note: Betty called F.P. to invite him to the party and F.P. also said that it was a terrible idea. It couldn’t have been stressed to her enough not to do this. F.P. wanted to at least come show Jughead he cared and hey, a gift! Jughead tells him where Betty was collecting the gifts and F.P. leaves to add his, saying he’ll be right back. Though it would make sense to leave the gift with Jughead instead of in some unsupervised location surrounded by drunk teenagers.

F.P. goes inside the house and sees Joaquin and Kevin kissing. He makes a comment about young love and then asks to talk to Joaquin. F.P. and Joaquin go upstairs to talk in Archie’s room. Across the street, Alice Cooper is in Betty’s room and is watching them talk. Joaquin gives F.P. the update on everything the group knows and F.P. says they’re more informed than the sheriff is and that he needs to stick around to see what else they know.

Archie is outside, very drunk, and is trying to talk to Valerie. But Val keeps rebuking him and saying she doesn’t want to talk. However, Archie’s whole goal is to get Valerie back. At one point, he even went into the garage to talk to moody Jughead about whether he thought Val would take him back; didn’t even care about his friend being upset. Anyway, he’s too persistent and Val is like, “what the hell is your problem” and she throws her drink on him. Archie is embarrassed and upset so he goes upstairs and calls his dad.

Betty goes to talk to Jughead and he’s pretty much had enough at this point. He reiterates that he didn’t want a party and she tries to tell him that she didn’t know all of those people were going to show up; however, she also doesn’t understand what the big deal was anyway and doesn’t get why he doesn’t enjoy any of this. Gee, maybe it’s because some people don’t like parties or crowds or when their wishes are ignored? Some people honestly just want to do something simple with few to no people. It’s like when some couples take separate vacations or travel without their kids. It’s nice to be alone. But because Jughead is upset, he decides to hit where it hurts.

So Jughead accuses Betty of throwing the party to boost her own ego about being a good girlfriend or whatever. He says the people out there are not his friends and don’t even like him. He says he doesn’t fit in and that he’s weird and it makes no sense for them to even be dating because they’re too different, from personality to social class. Then he asks if she even likes him or if she’s just using him to pass the time until Archie decides he likes her back. Just, all the insecurities in one fell swoop. He went a bit too far in all of that; Betty should have been more mindful, but she didn’t deserve that. Betty’s hurt, he’s hurt, and she walks out. Then he goes into the house, through the kitchen, and tries to leave the party.

However, he cannot leave the house because Chuck comes and blocks his way. Never mind that F.P. is standing right there and can demand that Chuck let his son out of the house; never mind that Jughead came inside of the house through the back door and could just walk out that way. Never mind that Jughead has nothing to do with anyone else’s vendetta. Nope, he’s stuck forever as Cheryl locks the door from the inside. She suggests they all play a game. And everyone goes along with it!

They all congregate in the living room, Jughead included, to play a secret-revealing game. And F.P. hasn’t done anything about this because he needs to see what everyone knows. And it appears that no one is concerned about this adult at the high school party. Dilton Doiley of all people jumps in, due to being drunk. He says that he saw Grundy’s car at Sweetwater River the morning of July 4th; everyone immediately puts it together that Archie was screwing Ms. Grundy. Perceptive teenagers.

Cheryl goes next and goes after Veronica, so Veronica comes back with Cheryl potentially being jealous of Polly because she loved Jason a little too much; feelings that a sister shouldn’t have. I cannot believe they actually addressed the weirdness of the relationship between the Blossom twins. At this point, Cheryl has basically played herself. Chuck decides to go after Betty and talks about how she dressed all sexy and tortured him in the hot tub with maple syrup and then tries to get in Jughead’s face about Betty being a “psycho”. Jughead has had enough, so he punches Chuck and the two get into a fight. Someone should have punched Chuck long ago. And you know what, same for Cheryl. F.P. breaks up the fight and declares the party over.

Everyone is leaving Archie’s house and Jughead tries to dip out too, but F.P. stops him and tells him to go back inside and talk to Betty. Jughead goes back in and Alice comes across the street to be confrontational with F.P. This woman is incapable of being cordial with any adult. She says that she doesn’t want him in her neighborhood and F.P. tells her she’s still hot, but it’s a shame about her personality; then he alludes to her being from the Southside. Oooh! Wait, I want to know more about this one. I want a flashback episode about all the adults, played by the younger cast.

Betty and Jughead go to Pop’s and have a mature conversation where they work out their differences. She reveals her anger issues and shows him the healing cuts on her palms from when she was angrily clenching her fists when talking to Chuck earlier at school. They have a new understanding; my goodness an actual teen relationship portrayed with maturity.

Archie and Veronica talk about their personal problems; he tells her that he called his dad to ask him not to get divorced even though he doesn’t really care about that happening. Veronica shares her family concerns too and they end up kissing. The next morning Veronica wakes up in Archie’s bed and sees Archie asleep on Jughead’s air mattress. So... where did Jughead sleep? Veronica gives Archie a kiss on the forehead and sees Jughead eating his cake on her way out. I love that he’s having cake for breakfast.  Jughead gives her a knowing look and they exchange a smile.

Veronica decides to testify for her father and as a “thank you” gift from him, she receives new pearls. But she clearly still feels uneasy about the whole situation. Meanwhile, Archie is cleaning up the kitchen while Jughead is still eating his cake. Jughead asks about Veronica and Archie just kinda has this happy smile. Valerie who? Jughead promises not to say anything about Veronica staying there overnight. Then Archie’s dad comes home, with his mom in tow.

But most importantly – what was Jughead’s gift from F.P.?

[stormpainter]

==> Make up

Today at 3:51 PM wickedpainter hey

carnivalsorphans hey sorry i made ya upset. wickedpainter yeah

you okay?

carnivalsorphans i've been worse wickedpainter that aint an answer

carnivalsorphans the answer don't matter much just yet. you okay? wickedpainter shit matters to me. I aint as upset as last night

carnivalsorphans i still ain't really knowin what got ya upset. i mean, i know what made ya upset, i get that somethin bout me sayin i don't want you and lilac ta get together weren't right, but i don't know why. wickedpainter mm I dont talk to people much dont got many friends no lovers to speak of even if I did I might be upset about someone tryina dictate who I can and cant be attracted to, who I'm allowed to get close with

carnivalsorphans ... i'm sorry. can see how it'd be a bigger deal for you than it is for me. wickedpainter yeah I actually care bout people

carnivalsorphans ... i was more talkin on how i got a fuck ton of lovers so it don't matter to me if two or three are removed from the list ... but yeah. i guess that too. wickedpainter all I've got is vel, tars grey ace

carnivalsorphans i'm. sorry. wickedpainter which is why we were in pale for a while, cause he doesnt do the sex, but my best friend's mates ace too so it just. It aint a big deal I'm bein dumb

carnivalsorphans didn't. mean ta make ya all upset. was probably gonna tell ya soon if lilac didn't. wickedpainter yeah I gathered that shit

carnivalsorphans it had come up cuz i fucked his ex. and shit got... weird. wickedpainter whys it matter to anyone who someone sleeps with

am I supposed to avoid any motherfucker you sleep with cause I'm gatherin thats everyone

carnivalsorphans no!

carnivalsorphans i just. got a thing bout non fuckin quads and fuckin quads mixin. if sugary was able to fuck, i'd feel uneasy on you sleepin with her too. and. ... i mean, it ain't a fuckin end of relationship deal. it just makes me uneasy. and i was tryinna get lilac ta see it was alright ta have a few nos if it poisons the relationship for me ta be plowin people. like his ex. so i had ta figure someone to put on the list. ... and it just. makes me uneasy ta have quads overlap. specially fuckin and non fuckin. but that's the reason i hate when kankri sticks his nose in mine and lilac's business, and why i'm stayin away from vel like he's the damn plague. and why i fuckin leave the room any time lilac or val talk about fuckin eachother.

carnivalsorphans and. it's just my pan fuckin up. and i'm sorry. wickedpainter ..sounds like some shit we ought to jam on sometime

carnivalsorphans ... i was plannin on it. i just. don't always remember shit too well. and lilac's fuckin stupid, and it seems like half the problems we have are involvin sex, and it's... weird, a bit, ta me ta talk to you bout my sex life. so it just. hadn't come up yet. wickedpainter look I aint got a lot of people I know an the only clade I ever observed that was any kinda healthy, an I know mine aint, everyones quaddin everyone else, an they just fuckin, let serendipity do its thing

what alls happened upsets lilac bout sex an you?

carnivalsorphans motherfuck that's a tangled mess of fuckery.

carnivalsorphans ... it feels like submission, for me ta bottom. so i don't do it often. gotta like... trust a motherfucker, before i'm up to it. but i got ta trustin lilac, and i wanted it ta be... earned, i guess. fun. a challenge. so i told him he could fuck me if he beat me in a fight. and then that whole shit storm with kankri and sugar sis happened, and before that i was considerin let kankri go down on me, and i figured i might as well do it as a show of trust since i was thinkin on it anyway. then HE gets it into his head ta fuckin TEASE ME bout how sensitive i am on it and how it makes me color, like it's the funniest goddamn thing, which really pisses a motherfucker off to be gods damned honest.

and then lilac gets upset about that. fucks off a while. next time we fight, he don't try so hard. then there's two of him, and they win, and they just have me tie em up.

then i fuck his ex, and apparently his ex cheated on him with one of his abusive alts and lied at him and a buncha shit, and he got upset, and then just. that whole conversation, bout boundaries and shit happened. and i had ta fuckin make him trust me at fuckin all for him to even tell me what the hell was goin through his pan.

and the whole thing with red ain't really been resolved but i ain't touchin him with a ten foot pole. and i know it bothers him when i sleep with val, but he fuckin INSISTS it don't matter, despite the fact he said yesterday he's got a thing for overlappin quads too.

and now, even though i've flat out fuckin told him, asked him ta fuck me before, he goddamn panics and gets all anxious about it cuz he fancies i ain't actually wantin it, i just wanna make him feel good. and it's just. goddamn he's stupid.

carnivalsorphans we've probably got in spats about four or five times by now. and it's all goddamn tangled in trust and boundaries and him not wantin to set em and me makin a big deal of how exactly i want gettin plowed to go down and relationships and.

carnivalsorphans plus i got kankri tryinna play clubs any time i just ask him for a lil advice on how the fuck lilac even thinks cuz i can't figure him out, and then lilac's talkin on bein ganged up on and i didn't even really want him to be involved at fuckin all. becuase he's a nosy little busybody who ain't got any damn sense of where his words are and aren't welcome. wickedpainter it aint so bad, layin out rules at the beginnin about what each session oughta be like. me an vel gotta negotiate sometimes, cause both us got fucky pans but we aint do somethin if we promise not to

hes prolly mistakin you gettin pissed about bein teased about somethin private for bein ashamed of a thing you aint wanna really do

I was gonna say you might wanna get an auspistice but definitely shouldnt be his rail, an it sounds like he dont feel like hes gettin heard a lot

also maybe don fuck valor just to see if you can get him to use his words and tell you to stop, unless you two are real sweet on each other or somethin

carnivalsorphans yeah, but it seems like lilac is so fuckin caught up on how bad he'd feel to put limits on me, he don't realize i don't give a fuck. and that if i don't got boundaries, i push limits until i find some.

we'd had a weird language dispute and i had said 'i'm willing but not ready' and i'd meant my bulge bein out and he'd thought i meant for nook things. and we ended up gettin in the biggest goddamn fight and now i think he's too damn antsy ta think on it no matter how much i tell him i really do want it. now i'm just... waitin for him ta realize it's fine.

we might wanna get an auspistice, but i can't think of who. and i DEFINITELY don't want it ta be valor. and i ain't fucked valor since the first big fight, even though we said we would since gam said he didn't mind. we got lots of overlappin interests, but honestly i get the feeling he'd fuck anyone with paint, and i got no shortage of lovers. plus his empathy makes me uneasy cuz i like bein private.

carnivalsorphans valor pisses me off honestly, he's just. fuck, he's annoyin. get the feelin he's tryinna lord over me and keep me all controlled every time we talk.

carnivalsorphans and any time i get upset anywhere he can see, he starts pryin real hard and bein all public bout it. wickedpainter communication is real important but usually I'm communicatin to vel not to bite my bulge off cause I like my bulge, so I aint got the kinda experiance you need to help with that shit

..tell Kankri you got a fuckin moirail publicly

carnivalsorphans hahahaha fuck yeah. fuck i don't know why i was so damn worried bout talkin at ya, i'm just. i love ya so much, brother, i'm sorry. wickedpainter love you too, an I appreciate that you apologized an accept it

carnivalsorphans OH. AND FUCKIN.... THAT NIGHT I WAS GODDAMN PANICKIN, VALOR TOLD ME HE LOVED ME AND TRIED TA GET ME TA SAY IT BACK AT HIM. and just. messiahs damn him, there was a bitta misunderstandin but he just really wanted ta feel all ~cared about~ and like he ~mattered to me~ and he chose the fuckin night i was panickin and had ta get picked up by you to get all expectant at me ta say it.

carnivalsorphans and like. i do care bout him. my alt banned him from his church, but he's still faithful enough ta see tragedy, and he painted up for the funeral and gave em a sacrifice and shit.

carnivalsorphans so he's just as much family as any other faithful. but god damn he pisses me off so damn much. wickedpainter :o/

the fuck is he doin professin love like that he aint even a quad?

carnivalsorphans i think he's just the ~lovin~ type. and for him, lovin means bein up my ass all the time. could find the log if ya wanna see it. wickedpainter later I think, I aint gonna go confront him

Motherfucker needs to learn not everyones got the same feelins he does

carnivalsorphans lilac's told me he ~likes~ me, but like.... he don't. it don't... it don't feel the same. he just. he's so damn affectionate, and it's... so much different from how She used ta be.

carnivalsorphans and i... i don't love him. not like i love you. but i'm fond of him, like i'm fond of vel, and i wanna... wanna make shit work. wickedpainter I dont got much to base pitch shit on but me an vel an I know we're not healthy, but I think you an him'll work it out

carnivalsorphans .... i don't know what 'healthy' is supposed ta be, really. just know what my pusher tells me. and my pusher tells me he's... not a challenge, not really, cept in the way that he'll call me out if i'm bein 'bad'. but he just. .... he's a makara. and i wanna look out for him. and i wanna see him get better, and come into the faith, and come into himself. and he's fuckin SABOTAGIN HIMSELF along the way, and fuck if that ain't annoyin. and i had ta tell him my name weren't ringleader. he's so damn absentminded, it pisses me off. ... but he's real sweet too. just... it's. different. and it's nice. wickedpainter Mm. I love vel. did you know that shit?

carnivalsorphans yeah, i figured ya did. he seems ta like sayin it when he's doin rude shit or gonna bite you. wickedpainter lovin an hatin can happen at the same time, an I hear a lot of motherfuckers think thats what pitch ought to be like

he gets ..real chipper when hes manic, an when hes manic hes stabby

carnivalsorphans i. feel uneasy sayin 'love' when it ain't.... i don't really feel THAT romantic for him. i don't feel romantic for just bout anyone. cept you. and.... her. wickedpainter he apologized to me last night, seemed to think it was him sayin stuff that caused the fight and not that stuff was done

carnivalsorphans he does that. wickedpainter I hadda bug off though cause I wanted to say shit I shouldnt

carnivalsorphans thinks everythin is on his shoulders

carnivalsorphans ... what sorta shit? wickedpainter he said he aint never seen you worry about anyone the way you were gettin worked up about me an I told him polite like I needed to go

I werent

good last night, all kinda destructive impulses

vel coaxed me out huntin so I could kill somethin

carnivalsorphans i was all fuckin worried on ya, didn't know how ta help and i knew ya weren't good. wickedpainter and I didn tell him its cause you dont feel as strongly for no one else

carnivalsorphans ... think it's probably sorta obvious. wickedpainter it aint somethin I should say to him though

carnivalsorphans ... i love you. love you more than i got words ta say in all the languages i've learned. wickedpainter is it showtime yet? I caint keep my hours straight

carnivalsorphans not even close. wickedpainter you where I can curl up on you or busy?

carnivalsorphans i can get where you can curl up on me. wickedpainter 'd like that fora while

carnivalsorphans i'd move mountains for ya, i can sure as fuck find a private place ta be cuddled at. wickedpainter <>

..magine we both had bad nights, I'm sorry for it

carnivalsorphans <> <> <> ... i just. chilled with lilac, like ya said. didn't get a bitta sleep, but it ain't like that's unusual. ... worried overmuch, perhaps. but that ain't too unusual neither. wickedpainter good on the stayin with him

didnt want you to be alone with me pissed

carnivalsorphans i've been alone plenty. i just... ... i missed ya. a lot. wickedpainter missed you too, my head aint always easy to deal with

carnivalsorphans you ain't never seemed so upset at me that we couldn't talk. and i was fearin the worst. specially since you weren't even that mad bout me not gettin on with tarrat.

carnivalsorphans ... lilac finally just now told me he don't want me ta do shit with his ex, and he thought it'd make me mad. gods he's an idiot. wickedpainter what'm I gonna do shove you against each other an force you to have tea partys?

lilac needs to fuckin learn boundaries are okay

carnivalsorphans dunno. that'd probably be pretty funny. wickedpainter ..and an ex who was actual shit an horrible aint the same as what I was mad about

picturin you in a lil dress now

carnivalsorphans ;o) i'd look great in it you gonna be picturin tarrat in it too? wickedpainter ..no cause he'd get upset with me if I pictured him inna dress

you know how many fuckers toldt him he needs to be more feminine or that he aint a boy?

carnivalsorphans ... it alright if i just. ask ya, if ya ever have sex with any of the people i'm quadded with in the future, ya just. don't tell me bout it? haha, i'd be glad if ya got laid, but. wickedpainter :o* yeah I'll make sure you dont hear nothin from me on it

carnivalsorphans it ain't like i think you're asexual or anythin. you're pretty as shit and i was thinkin bout seein what you was comfortable with before we went pale. just. wickedpainter you think I'm pretty?

carnivalsorphans yeah :o) goddamn gorgeous.

carnivalsorphans nothin about you that ain't beautiful. wickedpainter gonna make a motherfucker blush

lemme know when I can come over

carnivalsorphans now~ gonna kiss you all over wickedpainter :oD

carnivalsorphans and see that pretty blush for mine self wickedpainter >Get your butt over there to have make up cuddles.

carnivalsorphans and then i'm gonna pap it > CUDDLES!!! You pretend you're not being as clingy as you most definitely are, and you are almost instantly purring.

[amsterdammotherfucker]

I copied and pasted my Torque liveblog from a private IM conversation with @playingwithroles just because I wanted to post it somewhere for posterity reasons :P

So they did a cool thing where the opening logo had a motorcycle speeding by noise over it that’s cool

Aaaaaaand the first scene is a drag race because of course it is.

THAT CHEESY EARLY 2000S THING WHERE THEY GO INSIDE THE MOTORCYCLE BLESS

Dude if this movie is intended as a parody of the Fast and the Furious series I will die

White dudebro protag’s jacket says “CARPE DIEM” across it lol

“What is it about driving cars that makes y'all such assholes” SERIOUSLY

JAY <3

SO I KIND OF LOVE THIS

JAY’S CHARACTER IS SO CUTE AND I’M DEAD

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO CHEESY I’M IN LOVE

I’m just waiting for this to go bad XD

WHY IS JAY NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER AGAIN

HE’S SO FULL OF FIRE I LOVE HIM

JUST FUCKING HITS BUDDY IN THE FACE WITH HIS HELMET

Hi Ice Cube I forgot you used to be in movies

HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW WHO THIS WHITE DUDE IS

Ford, apparently, is protag’s name

ICE CUBE’S DOG IS NAMED DOJO

This movie’s soundtrack is bangin

Aaaaaand now we get all the unnecessary shots of half-naked girls at a car wash SAW THAT COMING

JAY’S CHARACTER FUCKING STANDING UP ON HIS BIKE WHILE IT’S MOVING I mean I know it was mostly a stunt guy but WOW

Enter token hetero love interest hi blondie who’s never been in any other movie

Her name is SHANE

HOMEBOY’S A DRUG DEALER???

She’s actually not a bad actress I feel bad for her

I LOVE HER???

If you kiss her I swear to god

OH GOOD ENTER VILLAIN #2 RANDO THAT LOOKS LIKE DOMINIC MONAGHAN BUT ISN’T

Oh goddammit Jaime Pressly you are too good for this shit and what do they have you wearing

I think this rando baddie might be in a poly relationship with both Jaime Pressly and his right hand dude

SMUGGLING DRUGS INSIDE OF BIKES. THIS MOVIE.

Okay, so Ford stole a bunch of bikes carrying drugs from baddie here

Ice Cube’s bratty ass little brother looks like a young Mahershala Ali but isn’t

I weirdly really like Ice Cube’s character even though he’s supposed to be a crime lord

If anything happens to that dog I will riot in the streets

This movie is HILARIOUS

JAAAAAAAAAAAAY <3

I just make heart eyes every time he’s onscreen he’s the cutest

Dude she told you she never wants to see you again, TAKE THE HINT AND BACK OFF

H O W

GOD DAMN IT YOU STOP HAVING GOOD CHEMISTRY I HATE THIS TROPE

Again, this soundtrack is BANGIN

YEAH ICE CUBE YOU TELL YOUR PUNK ASS BROTHER WHAT FOR

Oh you are sooooooo dead buddy

RANDO BADDIE’S BODYGUARD/BOYFRIEND JUST STRAIGHT UP MURDERED ICE CUBE’S BROTHER WITH A BIKE CHAIN

I’m not sure how I feel about this Chad Kroeger looking dude playing Ford, I can’t tell if he’s good or just good for this type of movie

The whole “I left to protect you from my crazy dangerous life” trope YEP

At least they have good chemistry

JAY

HE IS SO CUTE I WANT TO TAKE HIM HOME WITH ME

So now Ford’s being framed for murder thanks to rando’s girlfriend

WHAT EVEN IS THIS MOVIE

ADAM SCOTT IS IN THIS FUCKING MOVIE????

BADASS LADY COP WITH CORNROWS

Ice Cube keeps talking about feeding people to his dog but I doubt human meat would be good for the pupper

THIS FUCKING NERD JAY SITTING ON TOP OF THE DINER BOOTH SEAT WHAT A FUCKING DELINQUENT I ADORE HIM

ALSO WHAT IS HIS NAME

Rando’s entire biker gang just standing in a row pissing on the side of a road CLASSY

Rando is named Henry, what a weirdly normal name

FORD IS NOT HERE FOR YOUR CASUAL RACISM

Just because he’s a suspect for murder does NOT mean you can randomly shoot at him YOU’RE CIVILIANS

Jay: “I love a girl who can take care of herself” CAN I KEEP HIM PLEASE

Shane is weirdly badass I’m glad she’s not just a prop

THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS I LOVE IT

Ice Cube’s gang is called the REAVERS

Uncomfortable Firefly flashbacks

WHAT DO YOU KNOW JAY

TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW

WE’RE JUST NOT GONNA EXPLAIN HOW JAY KNEW THAT OR DID I MISS SOMETHING

Val to Jay’s character: “Try not to bite your lip so much when you think” SAME

JAY BEING ALL “GET A ROOM” AT SHANE AND FORD I’M DEAD

So Ford just CALLS THE FBI AGENT FROM A PAYPHONE OKAY

Adam Scott is fucking hilarious he’s too good for this movie

Ford: “I live my life a quarter-mile at a time” Shane: “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard” I LOVE THIS MOVIE

Dalton, right, THAT’S Jay’s character’s name, how did I forget XD

This is weirdly a really cool chase scene

WHO’S THIS GUY HE LOOKS LIKE SNOOP DOGG

Shane WHACKS this dude in the face with a tube thing and goes “you shouldn’t pick on girls” I LOVE THIS

BUDDY DRIVING HIS MOTORCYCLE THROUGH A BUS

BECAUSE THAT’S A THING THAT CAN HAPPEN

OH IT’S A TRAIN

DOESN’T MAKE IT BETTER

NO BOYS WE DO NOT DRIVE ON TRAIN TRACKS NO MATTER HOW COOL AND DRAMATIC IT LOOKS

Slow-mo explosion, I was waiting for that XD

So Ford saved Ice Cube’s life so now he knows Ford didn’t kill his brother BECAUSE OF COURSE

DALTON IS SO FUCKING CUTE I’M GONNA DIE

Dalton: “First time Val and I’ve beat you anywhere! Must be the chick!” Shane: “Yeah, stopped for a manicure” *flips Dalton off* Dalton: *impressed smile*

VAL JUST MAGICALLY SWIPING THE CHIPS FROM DALTON

i love Adam Scott so much

NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR CHEESY ROMANCE

I LOVE DALTON I LOVE HIM

BIGGEST MOST ADORABLE IDIOT IN THE UNIVERSE PROTECT HIM

I have no idea what just happened I was distract by Dalton being a cutie pie

This movie is DEFINITELY a F&F parody

DANE COOK???????

LIST THAT UNDER “SHIT I DID NOT EXPECT TO SEE IN THIS MOVIE” A DANE COOK CAMEO

THESE MORONS JUST STOLE A RACE CAR

BLESS

DO NOT MAKE OUT WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING

Ford jumps on the back of Dalton’s bike so they can swap out, Dalton: “I always knew you had a thing for me!” I LOVE HIM

Ford please do not wreck Dalton’s bike

Or your face

THIS MOVIE IS SO RIDICULOUS AND OVER THE TOP IT’S GREAT

FORD DO NOT PUNCH ICE CUBE HE JUST SAVED YOUR ASS

REALLY??????

METH BIKES

OF COURSE

Dalton taking swings at a punching bag back at the garage bLESS

Dalton: “I eat when I’m nervous!” Val: “He eats when he’s horny, too. He just likes to eat” KILL ME

ADAM SCOTT WAS A DOUBLE AGENT

NOOOOO LADY COP IS DEAD

THEEEEEEERE IT IS. DALTON AND VAL NABBED AND ALL TIED UP WITH CHAINS HOW EXTRA

THEY GOT SHANE TOO

Ew Henry stop being creepy right now. His girlfriend’s creepy too

LADY COP LIVES

ATTA GIRL SHANE KICK HENRY IN THE NUTS

EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING AT ONCE

BODYGUARD BOYFRIEND GOT TAKEN OUT SO FAST AND HILARIOUSLY

I’m sure Val and Dalton can fight well on a good day, Henry’s boys are just fucking crazy

I LOVE LADY COP SHE FINALLY DID SOMETHING USEFUL

Oh, no this scene. Shane vs. Henry’s girlfriend China

It’s like every cliche catfight scene ever but on motorcycles

PRODUCT PLACEMENT

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

That was just plain cringe worthy

BECAUSE THAT’S HOW PHYSICS WORK

ANOTHER EXPLOSION

IS THAT ROBERT BARATHEON DRIVING THE BUS

IS THAT FUCKING NICKELBACK SINGING US OUT

IT IS TOO

AND THEY ALL WENT TO MEXICO AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

LITERALLY THAT’S THE END OF THE MOVIE

I enjoyed that way more than I was expecting to XD