#and he's also 'famous for being forged' implied that he got a lot of attention just for existing as who he is

[lord-squiggletits]

you've perhaps read this (https://archiveofourown.org/works/24500161) and its sequel, but I thought you might like them. Very AU (fair warning), and a very different sort of Tarnma...

I'm not into sparklings, and I'm not sure I'm willing to be patient enough with the story to get to the Tarnma and get through to Pharma's heel-face turn (if it happens?), but I'll post here in case someone is interested. Thank you for the care though.

[skelanonymous]

Song Prompt 4 -  You Don’t Know Me

I’m trying my hand at some bad guy poly, and if I get to my Little Night AU, this may become a prequel of sorts.

Song: You Don’t Know Me by Elizabeth Gillies

Skeleton: Nightmare

Words: 3.2k

“Boss, you can’t be serious right now.” Killer’s mouth hung open. Dust sighed off to his left, rubbing his face hard enough to shake dust from his hood. Horror wouldn’t meet his eyes, Cross also nervously avoiding them, leaving Error the only one still looking, albeit with some exasperation.

“I’m very serious.” Night responded to Killer without bending. “This is not something I’d like to be a part of.”

“If that’s the reason, cuz you don’t wanna, then that’s fine. But that sounds like a crock and I ain’t one for bullshit.” Killer grabbed the end of the table with whitened knuckles. Nightmare could taste the frustration off all of them, but his icy resolution could outlast their mounting agitation. “So just be honest. We can handle whatever you got to say.”

Nightmare looked at his phalanges, faking disdain with ease, unaffected stone face a talent he’d picked up before leaving the tree’s shade.

“I have no reason to lie. I am not willing to join your polyamorous posse.” They’d all been having “sleepovers” for months now, and he’d caught on long before he walked into a dream he wished he could erase. It would’ve been fine had it been Horror or Killer, but Dust was always vigilant and had remembered Nightmare’s brief intrusion the next morning. “I admit, it’s impressive you’ve managed to keep this working between so many of you, and I don’t care what you spend your free time doing, but my time will be spent on other ventures.”

“But in the dream-”

“I’m not a nun, but walking into a dream orgy when you expect something a little more tame and having a reaction isn’t that ridiculous.” Dust’s gaze bore into his skull. He couldn’t crack, not if he was trying to pass off this lie. Keeping calm was critical.

“So that’s it then. No?” Killer just shook his head. Good, please, give up. Nightmare’s feigned nonchalance had held through much worse, but the backlash afterwards would be worse if he broke beneath it.

“It’s a no.” Night stood from the little table he’d been called to like an intervention. “Now I’m returning to my study. Come find me if anything happens to the castle.”

He did NOT run, but he portaled the instant he turned a corner. It dropped him into a forest patch on the edges of this world just before he lost his composure.

“Son of a fucking BITCH!” His tentacles lashed out, splitting apart all the trees in the area with a giant swing. The corruption roared out of his mouth, furious and wild, screaming his voice hoarse. He didn’t give a damn about any of it, just seeing red from the blackened aura that got denser and denser around his body as he raged in nature, a force all on his own.

Of course he wanted to say yes! Envy scorched through his hands, clawing ahead for what it could not reach. Rage he reserved for himself, though saved some for his damned fate, at being too fucked to just be with a person. Even now, not within their embrace, the greed seduced his pitch black soul to have so many loves with which to indulge, having them all pay attention to him, their king, their saviour, they OWED this to him!

“God damn it, NO! Fuck you!” He continued ruining the countryside, rampant as the growth surrounding him.

He couldn’t love them. Not like they wanted, not the way they did each other, forever an outsider to the perfect temptation. He’d tip the balance and break the scales. He would destroy this for them. Slowly, he felt the brain fog raise, the tinges of red outlining everything finally fading away with his energy.

When the colors of the ruined forest fully returned, he directly portaled to his study. Dust was waiting patiently on the desk’s edge.

“The castle couldn’t have had a disaster that quickly.” Nightmare sat at his desk without acknowledging he’d been caught moping outside. Damn his perceptiveness when not distracted.

“I mean, it did.” Dust stated in a matter of fact tone. “They’re unhappy with the answer.”

“And what? You’re here to force me to change it?” Lashing out was what he excelled at. He wasn’t meant for soft cuddle puddles and doting, his body literal poison to those around him, his aura a drain. Dust didn’t bite.

“No. It wouldn’t be honest if it was forced.” He spoke airily, as if admitting the blatant truth could be anything but bitter disaster.

“Then why have you come to my study?” Nightmare hoped he’d rise to the bait that time, more direct in his aggression, and Dust would meet and rise to it most days, but besides twitching a few times, he holds his sanity at the low blow.

“To remind you. I know what I saw, and you know what I saw.” Dust didn’t leave room for argument and Nightmare didn’t lie about it out of respect. “Just know that the door is open should you change your mind.”

“Thank you, but my answer remains the same.” Damn him. Each denial took away more of his resistance. Perhaps he knew that, persistence hunting him with a strong will borne of the endless loops that forged most of his loyal following, waiting until one day he asked over something inconsequential like breakfast for the yes to slip out without Nightmare even on guard enough to catch it.

“Whatever you say Boss.” Dust nodded, but those eyes haunted him. He hadn’t heard the last of this, but the tide would ebb for now.

Nightmare fell back into the plush chair tiredly, already awaiting the next wave.

He knew what he wanted, but he could not obtain it. If he acted on his wishes, he’d destroy what he sought. And if he denied it, he’d be acting against his natural state while forcing himself to be miserable. There wasn’t a way to win that he could conceive of so he settled with ignoring the feeling entirely.

Despite his refusal, they didn’t change their interactions with him in the slightest after that first day.

Meal times remained largely unchanged except for the stolen glances at him if he betrayed any affection or laughed (which wasn’t often, but they were his crew and knew his weaknesses). Missions and responses to commands had also remained the same, though that was expected. They still offered him the opportunity to join in on movie nights. He had refused all of those since the rejection.

Maybe it was the way Horror had frowned when he’d said no for the fifth time in a row that changed his mind. Ignoring feelings didn’t make them disappear and he’d always been a little softer for Horror’s requests. He only asked for what he considered essential.

“Let me finish this. I’ll be down in five minutes.” Tidying up his papers took seconds, but he needed the minutes for composure.

When he made it down, Horror had curled up into Error’s lap with a gigantic grin, Error softly praising him with small head pets. The others waved at him.

“Hey Boss! Sorry, we let Cross pick this time.” The ‘we didn’t think you’d say yes’ was implied. Nightmare nodded at Killer while moving to sit on the couch against the wall.

“I can live with choosing next time.” The little bursts of joy hit him like a face full of air freshener, his sludge rippling but otherwise unaffected. They’d popped in the DVD and set up before flicking off the lights.

Nightmare watched intently for the first fifteen minutes, he’d never seen it before, then looked around.

The group had paired off into cuddly duos, Killer and Cross, Horror and Error, leaving a lonely Dust seated by Nightmare. From here, he could feel Dust’s cold longing, wanting to join in like the others but knowing his only possible partner would refuse him. The movie was loud, the others absorbed in it or each other and not even able to see them from where they sat. Nightmare laid a tentative tentacle over Dust’s shoulder. He refused to speak a word, merely moving his arm for Dust to accept or not.

His dual colored eyes dilated before quietly shuffling over. Leaning in, he pressed himself along Night’s side with a little wiggle to get cozy.

From this angle, Dust’s ears within an inch of his mouth, he spoke softly.

“Is this okay?” He didn’t know what he felt like to others. Dust hummed so low that Night could only feel it.

“Yeah.” His right eye twitched, Papyrus must’ve said something. “What are those weird swords called?” Night’s eyes flicked up to the screen.

“A flamberge sword. It’s mostly used to counter others by-” Nightmare went into its varied history, a few famous wielders, its construction. They kept their eyes on the film, and Nightmare whispered it to Dust, like a secret history lesson while some cheesy dramatic scene full of loud music drowned out the rest. By the time he’d stopped, Dust comfortably leaned fully against him. His head had come into contact with the corner of Night’s mouth without ceremony, suddenly making Night aware of his proximity.

“You’ve read a lot.” Dust turned his head, now his teeth only a breath away. Nightmare couldn’t take his eyes off of them.

“Books were all I possessed before…” His eye roamed over the group before returning to the gentle intensity building in the centimeter between their teeth. “Dust…”

“You can have this Boss.” Dust’s soul pulsed with determination, Night washed over in its warm waters. “I know how much you wanted it.” His red and blue eyes dropped to Night’s teeth, hovering with hot breath, half-lidded in need. “Just take it Nightmare.”

The touch of their mouths made Night’s own soul explode in the rush of desire that blazed into an inferno at the smallest sprig of kindling.  His tongue begged for entrance before he could think the action through, Dust letting it in without hesitation, shaky hands dug into Night’s sweater. The loud movie covered the quiet wet sounds, Night’s tentacles shifting silently to cradle Dust as he devoured all he was offered.

His soul lurched when he pulled back; he wanted to consume Dust but the rational part of his brain managed to catch him before he dove back.

“Hah. Nightmare, come back.” Dust’s hands had fisted in Night’s sweater tight enough to tear. Nightmare ignored it to squeeze his eye shut, trying to breathe through the mounting urge to take Dust apart, piece by piece, in view of the others, damn their relationship, he’d take ANY of them whenever HE wanted.

“Stop.” He said it at normal volume, shouting compared to the hushed exchange before. It drew the attention of the others. “I can’t.”

“Why?” Nightmare hadn’t opened his eye to see, but he could hear how hurt Dust sounded, hands trembling where they still balled in each other’s clothes. His normally distracted voice spoke firmly. “Tell me why.”

“I can’t.”

“You can. You just won’t. Tell me why.” Dust shook his head to dislodge Papyrus, ringing in crystal clear. It struck his soul, shattering the thin barrier holding back his honesty, unable to hold onto thoughts while containing the rot of his corruption from spilling over and swallowing them whole.

“I will devour you. All of you.” His tentacles sought them out, tentative. His vocal cords ached with an involuntary voice drop. “I will fucking ruin this. Your love cannot overcome my nature.” Each appendage curled around their throats, besides Dust, laying in his arms. The eye of the storm, Dust laid there calmly, like Nightmare’s tentacles weren’t threatening to strangle all of his loves in one fell swoop. Nightmare’s sludge dripped off of him, onto the couch, sizzling where it’d dropped onto Dust’s shins. He didn’t flinch.

“You wouldn’t know, you won’t let us try.”

He could feel the others struggling against him, hands sliding on the slick material while his tentacles grew tighter.

“I’LL KILL YOU!” Night growled, his own fingers clamping down on Dust’s neck, pressing down on the bone hard enough to creak underneath them. “I’ll take what I want and dust the rest!”

“Then do it.” Dust met his eyes unafraid. He relaxed into the hold, even as Night’s hands got ever tighter.

The corruption buffeted the inside of his skull, whirlwind of thoughts and crazed emotion, fed by the slow building terror of the others, their struggles more and more frantic the longer his tentacles gripped them. The only exception was Dust. His eyes had slid shut, limp and relaxed in his hands. Nightmare didn’t realize how out of control it’d gotten until he heard the crack.

Nightmare released Dust instantly, hands struggling with the healing magic Nightmare was trying to force through the agitated sludge.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Night didn’t stop trembling until he felt Dust touch his wrists. The splashes of cyan across Dust’s calm smile startled him out of everything, tentacles dropping the others to curl in on himself. With a deep breath, the magic flowed more evenly, in control of this at the very least. The crack slowly wove together until only a scar remained. Nightmare avoided the gazes of the others he could feel staring him down, caught unaware by Dust pulling on his wrists, falling directly onto Dust’s chest, face onto his shoulder, forced to stare at his own mistake.

“Just relax…” Dust’s head rested atop his own. He felt the skilled hands slide into the crevices between his tentacles, pressing and rubbing away the tight balls of tension until he finally let them all go.

“How did he do that?” Cross whispered from the side.

“Hell if I know.” Killer sounded close as well, shuffling from just beyond his vision.

“Patience.” Dust’s fingers pressed down to unwind the stress of his back, though not the sins crawling there. Nightmare shifted to lay in a way that he could see off the couch. The others watched them from the floor with wide eyes. He sighed, tracing Dust’s sternum during inhales.

“I could have killed you.”

“You wouldn’t have.” Dust’s faith never wavered, the others radiated guilt. Nightmare averted his gaze.

“I’m still sorry.”

“Then make it up to me.” Nightmare sat up, resting his hands on Dust’s chest for leverage, ending up sitting on his lap before taking the hands that had fallen off his back. He pulled Dust up to match him.

“How?” Night blushed under Dust’s intense observing, relaxing at the gentle clank he got in exchange. It sent a tremor through his spine.

“Answer us honestly.” Dust’s skull twitched against him, tranquil determination a temporary state at best. He kissed Night softly over and over again, plying at his defenses with the promise of what this could be, curiosity over how they worked together. Dust wasn’t alone in this after all. “Do you want us?” The shuffling of knees hit his ears; the others had moved closer to hear him, their hearts glowing with so much hope and positivity it almost hurt to bear. Night’s voice broke under its weight.

“...yes…” The next kiss was triumphant, his face cradled close while he submitted to Dust’s tongue. Dust broke them apart, Night too dazed to see, his hands reaching out to pull his partner back.

The taste changed, the tonguework different, enthusiastic all the same. The hand on his cheek this time larger, he felt a thumb stroke across the line beneath his ruined eye. The name was out before he saw them.

“Cross.” Behind, someone had made a home amongst his tentacles, a back against his. “That’s unusually bold of you.” His eye trailed over the purple flush with an amused grin. He didn’t let the building anxiety pool in the poor guardsman, grabbing the collar of his jacket to kiss him again while his tentacles wound around his other ‘attacker.’ Killer’s groans drifted to his ears.

“Fuck Nightmare, didn’t think you’d get so handsy so fast.” The back of his skull tapped Night’s. Tentacles had wound up Killer’s legs to hold them still, a third binding around his chest to keep him pinned. The fourth explored his upper femurs, pressing over his shorts to his pelvis, Killer’s gasps music to his ears. He pulled back from Cross with a smirk.

“You seemed like you’d be into it.” Killer nodded against his back, but Cross also nodded in front of him, eyelights blown wide with Night’s taste in his mouth and his hands on his chin, wiping away the line of purple saliva from that last messy kiss.

Horror leaned against his leg from the floor. Night dropped a hand to rub against his skull, avoiding the large crack without seeing, knowing the location by memory alone.

“Thanks.” Horror purred from the ground, head falling more heavily in his lap.

Sitting on Dust, Killer against his back, Horror in his lap, and Cross leaning over to kiss him and Dust equally brought his soul peace. Error hadn’t joined, but Nightmare would’ve been more surprised if he had.

“I-I’m sure y-you know my stance on t-t-touching by now.” Error had his arms crossed, body still pixelated near his neck from the impromptu strangling earlier.

“Except Horror. He deals with Horror’s touches the best out of all of us.” Cross removed himself from the pile to offer his hand. Error glared at the TV, but took it anyway. “Most of us have gotten to hand holding though!” Cross’s enthusiasm turned Error blue.

“S-shut up…” He offered his other hand for Cross to take as well, even Error unable to contain his smile at Cross’s joy and attention.

It was laughably easy, Nightmare slotted into the dynamic with ease, an extension of their regular back and forths but sweeter, tinged with something warm. The loud voice in his mind still craved more but he could fight it off for now. Nightmare took a deep breath.

“I’m...still concerned, about everything, but I…” They waited for him to collect his thoughts. “If you’ll have me anyway, then I’ll give it all I have.”

“That’s all we can ask.” Dust smiled while Horror hummed his agreement.

“Hell, that’s what we’re doing too. You, aaaah, ain’t special.” Killer’s body writhed against him. His tentacles hadn’t been distracted by the moment, steadily edging Killer into whining pants, shorts wet against his appendage and thrusting back against it. Night raised him up to hold him solidly between himself and Dust.

“You know, this does offer many new opportunities to shut you up.” His black bones traced the rim of Killer’s pelvis peeking out over the waistband. Killer cursed when Dust leaned forward against Killer’s back, circling to the front to tease his lower sternum, finger peeking inside of his rib cage.

“None of them work. Trust me, we’ve tried.” Dust hid his smirk against Killer’s back, playfully nipping through the hoodie, shaking against the charged bones.

“Fuck you guys.” Night met Dust’s dual-tone gaze one more time. Hesitant to accept and run forward with them still. But Dust took his hand to bring it with him into Killer’s body, wrapping them both around his spine to a moan. They’d help and guide him, he need only ask for it, and with that, he laughed.

“Maybe we will.”

-

I’m very happy to have this out of my WIP folder.

[polyamquackity]

An anon requested Logince + Oh No! by Marina and it turned out significantly longer than expected. 

Title: Oh No!

Warnings: Potentially panic attacks, implied bullying

Word Count: 1627

Read on AO3

It was common knowledge that Roman Williams was meant for better things. He had a genuine talent, his acting abilities bringing an abundance of new patrons to the school’s shows. He, in his own right, was relatively famous. Both locally and online. It was a surprise that he hadn’t left on some sort of show offer, he certainly had them. Rumors circled, but no one ever confirmed the reason. And of course, with fame and gossip, comes a torrent of people wanting a piece of the fun. If you asked, the students of Jonesville High would tell you that Roman had friends crawling out of the woodwork. His clique was that of the infamous popular kids, the preps. It wasn’t often that a queer theater kid was truly a school’s primadonna, but he managed it just fine.  

    Logan Arthur on the other hand, was significantly less well known. Most kids wouldn’t even know his name if you asked. This was by no accident, Logan didn’t want to be known. The only thing he wanted was to keep his head down and get the hell out of this city. To go to college and make something out of himself. The kids who did know his name, would be able to tell you that he was incredibly smart. 4.1 GPA smart. Had the knowledge to correct the teacher smart. He worked hard and had a seemingly never differing routine. This was a kid with no friends, a loner in the truest sense of the word.

    Rumors followed Logan throughout high school as well, although these were significantly more malicious than those about Roman. One of the more memorable being that Logan was an emotionless robot. It could be argued that these were more insults than rumors. After taking day after day of comments such as this, without so much as blinking, even the most experienced performer would need a break. A moment to be himself and to let everything out. So one day, instead of heading to his usual lunch spot in the library- Logan headed swiftly towards the empty auditorium. 

    If you were quiet and paid attention, you would notice that the performing art kids talked about how easy it was to get into the catwalk when it was left unattended. And you would know that it was the perfect place for a breakdown. Conveniently, Logan was aware of both of these things. People tended to talk in front of him as though he wasn’t there. 

He shimmied through the broken gate-like door, with relative ease. It was very broken. As he maneuvered up the steep, winding stairs, his tears began to fall. It was a slow thing, one tear slipping out at time. Finally escaping the dam that had been built long ago. Logan supposed that this was about far more than a few mean comments. Logically this was probably years in the coming, it wasn’t healthy to push everyone away as he had. 

What none of the students' gossip could have prepared him for, was that upon breaching the entrance to the catwalk, Logan would find one Roman Williams. One Roman Williams who was equally as, if not more intensely upset than Logan.  

There was an odd beat where they just started at one another. If Logan had not already been in tears, perhaps Roman would have said something needlessly cruel. And if the opposite were true, Logan may have simply left. But, as it was, they were both distraught. 

“Do you want to come sit with me?” Roman offered, awkwardly gesturing the area beside him.

“I’ll just find somewhere else,” Logan mumbled, already beginning to back down the stairs. 

“Nonsense, you’re already here, aren’t you? And it’s not like there’s anywhere else to cry without being caught. Well, more caught than we already have been.” 

Logan squinted into the dark, assessing the actors' offer. He sighed, making his way back up the few stairs he had descended, “If you’re certain.” He took a seat next to Roman and a silence rose between them. Sitting in the dark, crying silently next to a stranger is a weird scenario for anyone to be in. But, it was especially odd for these two. 

It was surprising to say the least, when this quiet was broken by Roman giggling, “What the hell are we doing?” 

Logan raised a brow at him, “I thought it was obvious? We’re crying.” 

More laughter bubbled out of Roman, “I know that! I just. We could at least be trying to help each other and instead we’ve elected to wallow in our miseries privately.” Roman wiped at his tear stained face, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“You don’t even know my name, why would I tell you about my feelings?” 

Roman turned to get a better look at him, “Huh. I actually don’t think I’ve seen you around set before. Were you part of the crew freshman year or something?” 

“No, I’ve never been involved with the theatre club.” 

“Then how do you know about this place?” 

Logan looked away and reached to fidget with his watch, “Hearsay.” 

“So you were eavesdropping?” Roman accused, leveling the other with a look. 

“Is it eavesdropping if people talk directly next to you, as if you aren’t even there? I’m certain that they noticed me, it’s not as if I was hiding.” Logan asked sheepishly. 

“Hm. I guess that isn’t.” He reached out his hand, “I’m Roman then, if we have to exchange names before feelings.” 

The other hesitantly gripped his hand in response, “Logan.”  Another beat passed, “So, which of us should go first?” 

Roman shrugged, “I asked you first.” 

Logan ran a hand through his hair, “I suppose that I’m feeling rather upset at the moment. People tend to make assumptions and opinions about people who differ from them and I differ pretty heavily from our peers. Their incessant mocking seems to have gotten the best of me.” 

Roman nodded, “People are assholes. I’m sure whatever they’re saying about you isn’t true.” 

“You don’t even know me.” 

“Yeah, but I know our school. And I haven’t met a kind person in a long time. I’m not sure if anybody is really anything more than a fake anymore.” 

It was Logan's turn to nod. Both parties had ceased crying since they began talking to one another. Logan wasn’t much for talking about his emotions, so he decided to urge the conversation forward, “Do you want to talk about your feelings now?” 

Roman took a breath, “Sometimes! Sometimes having to be perfect is too much! I have to act a specific way or else- Or else I lose my reputation. And that’s everything in show business. I need to be the best, to never falter or. Or I’ve failed. And I can’t fail, I have too much on the line to fail.” Roman looked close to crying again. 

Logan carefully put his hand on the other's shoulder, “I’ve dealt with a similar issue, although at a much different level. I’ve pushed people away because of it, but from what I know you’ve done the opposite. Would you like my advice?” 

This was met with a shaky nod. 

“You are human Roman. Despite your reputation, you are going to fail sometimes. That is an entirely human thing to do. And people who truly care about you will be understanding of this. If there are people in your life that are making you feel otherwise, they probably aren’t good for you.” 

“That makes sense.” Roman admitted. For the third time that day, a silence occurred between them. Although, this was the most comfortable out of all of them. The five minute warning bell rang in the distance and Logan shifted to stand up and head to class. 

“Wait, before you go, can I have your number or something?” 

Logan stared at Roman, mouth agape, “Are? Are you being serious?” 

Roman rolled his eyes, “Dude, yeah. This might have been really weird. But, it was also the most genuine conversation I’ve had in awhile.” 

“Yeah, okay then. My numb-” 

“Just give me your phone and I’ll give you mine.” 

Logan handed his phone over, standing awkwardly as Roman put his number in. 

“There you go! Make sure to send me a text soon Logan!” Roman said far too brightly for someone who had just been on the verge of tears. He handed Logan his phone back before practically running down the stairs. 

It wasn’t until the end of the school day that Logan took the time to text Roman. What the loner saw in his contacts made him freeze up for a moment, Roman had put a heart emoticon next to his name. That probably meant nothing he reasoned with himself, it’s not like they even talked for that long. 

Logan: Hey this is Logan from earlier. You told me to text soon, so here’s a text. 

Roman<3: Hey!! I’m glad you texted! 

Roman<3: I wanted to tell you that you really helped me out earlier and I’m feeling a lot better. Although, I wish I could have helped you out more. It doesn’t even seem like you got to talk that much

Roman<3: Also, I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to get coffee sometime? 

    In the future, it would be common knowledge that Roman and Logan were made for each other. No one knew high school sweethearts who had a bond as strong as theirs. Forged in fire some would say. The two found success and comfort in one another. A sense of home that neither had ever felt before. 

    But, that was the future. For now, what they have is this first coffee date. A gentle start to something wonderful. 

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E66(6)

A MASSIVE SHIPPING FEAST ON BOTH ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM this episode, hot DAMN. Thank you to @alarnia and @softazelma for helping with data entry. Masterpost here. I just...I don’t even have words, I’m too busy soaring.

-5 to Fjord/Jester unlike Fjord, as these two unfortunately give us a Complete Guide on how to Lose All The Battle Points—Fjord accidentally ditching Jester to get mauled by a winged monster for the third time in a row as he is Contractually Obligated to do, and Jester getting her own back by polymorphing the roc just as Fjord settled on its back, sending our dear warlock plummeting towards an early—and painful—landing. The hemorrhaging to the ship was mostly patched up by both of them being very regretful over the whole situation, Jester saying “sorry” a billion and one times, and so on. Then they dip back into point loss with Fjord Completely Failing To Be On The Wavelength when it comes to disguising as leaves, participating in dance parties, not making people exhausted with a hard ride on the moorbounders through the night,  etc etc, but these were largely made up for by Jester’s appreciation for Fjord paying for their inn stay, his continued helpfulness with Sending, and most importantly Jester taking every opportunity to point out how RIPPED and TOUGH and SMART and GOOD AT ACCENTS Fjord is as he flexes for her benefit. Overall, a rollercoaster week, but we at the lab feel it balances to point loss when you factor in the massive physical toll these two took on each other, and not in the fun way. They can do better (the fun way, for instance)

+20 to Jester/Caduceus as these two show us Battle Points Done Right, with Jester casting an insect plague in the most Caduceus of moves, and NOT ONLY THAT, but making them an Oprah BEES gif, recalling the most Iconic of Jester/Cads scenes, and the most Iconic Jester Ship Mascot, comparable only to jellyfish. Caduceus calling Jester a “sugar pea” and making her squeal and hug him, a type of #BodyContact which earns the most possible points without lips being involved. Dancing with Jester and having a grand old time. Them earning Battle Points?????? with their protracted bat-catching session, and Caduceus using literally all of his Banes so that the itty creature never so much as nicks Jester. That’s love.

+10 to Nott/Cat Shaped Creatures Speaking of lip involvement, Frumpkin got a kiss from Nott before being let down!!! Caleb better watch out, or she’ll steal his cat right out from under him!! Massive point loss however for Jannick yeeting Nott off of him for daring to ride alone, because Caleb’s precious pets are nothing if not loyal. (that’s a +15 to Caleb/Cat Shaped Creatures right there!)

+37 to Fjord/Caduceus These two have their strongest week YET, with Fjord—voluntarily! opening up about the Wildmother, and Caduceus giving some amazing advice about meditation which lets Fjord get more peaceful sleep to ASMR ocean sounds! Caduceus talking about a “shining beautiful” destiny (always a point earner!), and opening up about HIS Wildmother dreams and past and quests as well! Caduceus saying he has faith in Fjord—though there’s some point loss as Caduceus seems to have joined Nott’s “There is Evil in the Fjord Club” by implying it’s only his good friendships keeping him on the straight and narrow, smh Caduceus. Cads adorably suggesting that they can ALSO stop in the abyssal temple before they leave town if that’s what Fjord wants, like visiting a gift shop. Caduceus as usual being the first to Fjord’s side for That Good Hjealing and Emotional Sjupport, which Fjord petulantly demands, and Fjord encouragingly saying “C’mon, baby” as Caduceus looks around for the pursuing roc. In the Creepy Tunnels, Caleb gets +2 to Cockblocking as Fjord wanted to be the one to help Caduceus out, but Caleb gets the honor. Later Cads helps Fjord look for magical arms and armor though, that’s pretty sweet.

+42 to Jester/Yasha LOVE??? LOVE WAS SAID????? ANNNND THEY HUGGED?!?!?!?!?! The “we” puts ever so slight a damper on things, but that is a Point Earner right there, with a lovely conversation about being Yasha’s New Family and defending her from anything that would upset her. Yasha getting teary, saying Jessie once more and making a joke about the king’s instrument being a rock harp, like….they are love?? Love?????? AND, annnnnnnd they get the Sexy Points for “Comes more with another person” HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS JESTER I’M LOVsjkajkgakajksakjkasjksajkfukewk;HA;GKJ BKfjkcbdjabkjsdbalkbB  SJAK BKJBSAKJK;jkjdasbjksbjkdakasdsfnajdknmbznb

-1 to Beau/Pets While she gets point gains for charming a baby roc with some staff scritches and thrown food, she gets point loss for beaning the poor baby with that same staff, though luckily she doesn’t join Nott in the Baby Killing Club of this campaign. -1 to Caleb/Vulture Culture as despite using all of his spells to Live a Bird-Brained Life, he unfortunately drops his form too quickly to save Fjord, gets bit back to wizard form by the baby roc and told to shut up with the bird screeching by Beau. But Frumpkin gains some points for looking successfully for the pursuing roc.

-20 to Nott/Yasha You get the sense that Nott is trying to mend things with Yasha, but it always falls apart and falls apart horribly. “We’re safe in this smoke” leads to Yasha immediately leaving it, and after Nott has her flask taken she spends the rest of the episode talking about how shady and suspicious Yasha is which even Caleb “Nott is Never Wrong” Widogast can’t agree with. Searching the darling barbarian’s pockets and accusing her until Yasha gets fed up and yells that she didn’t FUCKING take it.

+15 to Beau/Yasha/Jester as they have another stellar week. Featuring Classic Threesome Moments, including “Should I give you some private time alone?” with both Beau and Yasha Very Much Wanting Her To Stay, and Jester sharing the Sugar Momma loveliness she’d been having with Beau with Yasha, in the form of a suggestive ring gifting joke and “dressing Yasha up” in the fancy clothing Beau recovered for the both of them. The three of them touching the stone Celestials and listening to their music

+17 to Beau/Yasha *starts singing Beyonce* she liked it, so she put a ring on it! ‘Nuff said. Beau’s terribly awkward but wonderful “We’ll protect you with our lives” also: goooooooooooooooooooooooood. Beau being incredibly worried over using Yasha as bait, more worried over dead Celestials, but forging ahead because they both know it’s the best option they have at the moment *sniffs* it’s Some Angst Here. Beau saying Yasha has “dope wings” and might be a “dope angel in irons” and suggesting that Yasha may have gotten her name by sleeping with a lot of people, the sheer dumbassery of which makes Yasha facepalm herself in the hopes of getting a Lesbian Amnesia concussion.

+20 to Beau/Jester as Dimension Door gets used once more for an incredibly sapphic and beautiful moment. Beau grabs onto Jester to try to throw her to safety, but stays when Jester asks, and Jester getting them both to safety?? Dare I say, Romance? Dancing together, loving shiny loot together, running their hands along the side of the tunnel and detectiving together. Beau saying Jester is pretty awesome, as always!

+4 to Fjord/Cowboy Vibes as for one glorious moment, he was yeehaw riding that roc. Alas.

+11 to Caleb/Fjord. Although a sincere effort was made, these two did not in fact earn any Battle Points as Caleb’s furious handwringing, running around, and smacking faulty cocoons and tossing feathers repeatedly failed to help Fjord out of his situation with the roc—only acting as a feathery transport to a cleric managed to do the poor man any good. Nonetheless, these two continued to Same Hat on planning as usual, going full speed (or not at all) with the moorbounders, Caleb directing Fjord towards Facely duties but admirably performing on some Facely duties himself when they first roll into town and get the side-eye. Fjord as always being Very Attuned to Caleb’s navigational skills, wanting to know what direction they’re going and wanting Caleb to do translation duty. Being excellent detective partners as they have been since the circus in identifying bodies and bones together. Point loss for Fjord apparently thinking that the best way to get Caleb’s attention is to throw an eldritch blast in the vicinity of his cat instead of, say, shaking him or something. Fjord…….when are you going to be nice to other people’s pets? Will you ever?

+1 to Caleb/Essik “But of course you must know of THIS EXTREMELY FAMOUS AND HANDSOME MAN ESSIK THEYLAS who will ABSOLUTELY VOUCH FOR US, IN FACT PLEASE ASK HIM TO I NEED AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO HIM.”

+5 to Jester/Graffiti as she pulls off a difficult prank in changing the sign to the “Ruddy Poon” in full view of the whole community. One of her weaker jokes of the episode, though, so less point gain.

+3 to The Mighty Nein/Oban as he’s apparently super impressed with how quickly and trustworthily they brought Yasha to the area. Compliments Jester on her singing skills. He must be a good guy then, right? Right?

-4 to Nott/Jester for Nott claiming erroneously that rocs eat leaves to Jester, absolutely wanting Jester to “waste” a spell looking for her missing flask (that Jester stole). Point gains for Jester casting lesser restoration on Nott and worrying about her alcoholism and recklessness to a heartbreaking degree….but unfortunately, balancing out to point loss considering the physical and emotional toll her thievery resulted in as Nott panicks and takes out her feelings on the rest of the party. We at the lab live in fear on what will happen once Nott discovers who IS responsible

+14 to Caleb/Jester she…..makes him laugh???? A rare accomplishment for which There Must Surely Be a Medal??? This alone earns All The Points for an Iconic Moment, but Caduceus gets +7 to Cockblocking for being the one Eagle Caleb carts around when the offer was originally extended to Jester. Caleb also catching onto Jessie (thank you Nott for this nickname I despise) and looking soft at everything she does, and dancing, and being the first to adorably compare Jester to a snap pea. Caleb agreeing with Jester that building bridges sounds nice. Point loss for Jester making far too much fun of Caleb for not knowing her demon stories and not seeing the obelisk, prompting him to weakly defend himself that he’s “doing his best.” More point loss for Caleb also pushing to ride the moorbounders to exhaustion, and just ignoring Jester’s “feelings” to talk to Caduceus, showing a lack of trust that is UNACCEPTABLE.

-500 to Nott/Alcohol Which needs no explanation.

+16 to Caleb/Caduceus as these boys get Good Quality Time, with Caleb flying Caduceus around everywhere, Caduceus continuing to think Caleb Magic is the Solution to Everything by suggesting alarms at the cave entrance and seeking out Caleb’s cat-based assistance three billion times. Caleb asking for Caduceus’ opinion and feelings specifically for guidance on what they should do, also thinking Caduceus Magic is the Solution to Everything by asking for a detect magic which Caduceus could not provide. Once more very emphatically forbidding Caduceus from wasting his spell slots on Daylight, because like a #KnightInShiningArmor Caleb wants to chivalrously cast that spell himself with the driftglobe. Caduceus chivalrously picking up the tab and buying incense both for himself and Caleb. Caleb holding onto Caduceus’ wrist for a full minute and proving Caduceus is a favorite for his Special Buffing Spells,  because the wizard is too much of a scaredy-cat to just hold his hand, I suppose.

+20 to Everyone/Detective Work for finding gems, bones, maps, emblems, and identifying the precise coagulation of blood to determine when it was spilled! Nothing Conclusive was learned, but boy did it increase the Creepiness Factor of the episode!

-100 to The Mighty Nein/This One Particular Roc who will hold  a grudge against them for the rest of time, woe unto them should they ever venture into the Barbed Fields again.

+19 to Jester/Cosplay of the Week for a much-complimented leaf disguise, and for dressing up in the bloody garb of some mauled nobles. Point loss because it was unclear to most of the judges that “leaf” is what she was going for, and not “healthy edible vegetable”