#and he had his little knife and all and he was covered jn blood and i looked out the car and i saw my parents and i wanted to cry

[kruxton]

aphantasia not letting me dream at night most of the time but the only two dreams i remember having in all of my life were the scariest shit ever

[bakerstreethound]

Anything But Okay

Relationship: Loki x gender neutral reader

Summary: Loki comes to your aid while you're distressed.

Warnings: emotional distress, angst, mentions of blood, turmoil and a chaotic past

a/n: wrote this mid feels and very late so please excuse any minor spelling errors & the like. As always don't claim, copy, repost or translate to any sites. Heavily inspired by the song Are You Really Okay? By Sleep Token

******

He heard the gut wrenching sobs behind the door before he opened it, the sight of you before him like a knife to his gut. Teary eyes, your hands tugging at your hair, covers tangled around you in a catastrophic cocoon.

You fought off another sob, sounding more like a wounded animal than a human being. You are tired, so tired if it all the expectations, the anxiousness brimming over, not being able to tell others how you feel. How could you when so many left and you don't know how to love in return? Let alone care for you know most only take advantage.

"Darling," Loki's brows furrow as he swallows, rushing over to your side, hesitantly wrapping you up in his arms, and thankfully, you obliged falling into him and his familiarity. He smells so good you can't help smiling a little, the ache in your body and mind subsiding for the moment. You were with Loki. He hasn't abandoned you.

"L-loki, shit I'm so sorry I'm fine it's nothing," you shudder, baffled he's still holding you, your tears staining the bedsheets crimson.

You hate when this happens, drowning in your own demise, leaving more scars upon your soul, on your bed. Of all that had to happen, you had to be born a freak, bloodshed your companion, offerings of red sacrificed in your name, yet you wanted none of it.

"Love, you're not fine. Can you tell me what's wrong?" His eyes usually stone cold around the Avengers are soft warm and understanding and you trust him, he's the only one you ever can trust.

You sigh, pushing the blanket off of you settling back into him as he adjusted himself on your bed despite the stains. "Heavy head and heart, the ghosts of the past keep coming reminding me I'm going to forever be alone and reminding me of all I lost. They tell me I can't know what love is, like walking a living hellish nightmare over and over living the same mistakes. I don't know who I am anymore, Loki, or what I'm supposed to be. I've lost twice before, Loki in the past I fear I may be time to give up. Am I so inhuman, so monstrous, so unwanting yet wanting love and care be wrong? What's to become of me, to us?"

Loki says nothing and another sob breaks free your shoulders shaking. Years of tormenting yourself not crying haven't helped matters and you always thought tears weak, especially yours now staining your arms red.

Why couldn't you for once be normal, not a freak an anomaly always passed over and forgotten? That is a fine line isn't it? Wanting certain love and care but not believing yourself worthy and bokting when you realize you can't reciprocate jn the manner they want.

But Loki....he is always there for you, you grew to love him and he for you, but times like these when you're thrown back to your past shackled to the torment your demons feed upon, he's there soothing you with another story.

He begins calm cool collected, lressing a kiss to your temple, arms wrapping around yoir waist and you can feel the steady beating of his heart, tethering you to the present, away from your treacherous worthless past where everything was grey and red until he arrived.

"Let me take us back to those autumn days we laid on the orchard, watching the stars and making fun of Thor and betting how fast he could fly across the sky. The picnics Freya would make watching after us long after we came back to the palace late, a knowing look in her eyes as she gave us wine before wishing us well. She adores you, loves you like her own."

"She always gave us wonderful picnics."

"You know she did prep them all her own, never let anyone else help her besides me, when she requested special wine."

A gentle quiet falls between you before you speak. "I miss her. She was always so gracious and you cared about her a lot."

He smiles softly turning you to face him, his skin cool against yours. "I loved her truly, she was a good mother to me, always encouraged me to find the right companion; one who made my mischievous heart take flight."

"Well you got a marvelous screw up."

His lips purse into a thin line. "Not a chance." He presses his lips against yours and you lose yourself to him, your achy heart resting against his thumping strong in his chest. "You don't have to be okay all of the time, love. It's okay to ask for help." He praises giving you a chance to breath before asking."Now, how is my favorite person?"

"Much better than okay now." Your cup his fave, eyes full of tears yet again pressing your lips against his, embracing the fall knowing he'll catch you no matter what despite your faults, your fears, and your past.