#and he gets to play paranormal activity on anyone who might hurt her

[bluerosefox]

It was no secret that Danny loved his older sister, even when she nagged, bugged or psychoanalyzed him, she was and would always be the number one person he would love and protect without hesitation. (He was also pretty sure if anything bad happened to her he would no doubt become like Dan, maybe not fully but pretty sure he would become something close)

So when he found out she was going to Gotham to tour for colleges, he really didn't like it.

Sure Gotham's colleges were top tier for the field of psychology she wanted to study but the crime rate and corruption alone was also high up on lists and that wasn't counting the amount of Gotham Rogues yet.

Danny really didn't like the idea of his sister being in such a dangerous city, even though he knew she could take care of herself since she gained not just their dad's height but also the Fenton family strength and their mother's insane smarts, and given the fact he was a protector spirit that focused on his family it upset his core badly.

So, he decided to tag along... Invisibility of course. He didn't need her to be mad at him if she knew he was following of course.

He wasn't going to disturbed her from her touring he was just going to make sure she's safe thats all....

-x-x-

Okay so... Danny really wasn't expecting to do this when he decided to tag along for Jazz's college tour but...

Danny snickered as he used his powers to move the boxes around as if thrown, flicker the lights and explode the light bulbs, and made shadows shift unnaturally, gaining screeches from some goons as they threw their weapons on the floor and some scrambled out of the building ignoring the higher ups and their boss to stop being cowards.

It was a little fun being able to be go full paranormal activity on a gang of traffickers that had plans on kidnapping Jazz and the other touring young adults he discovered after noticing a few of their men following and watching them a day into the touring.

[britishsass]

Idea for the night: Thorney Towers crew as a ghost hunting group

It was all Boyd's idea of course. He definitely believes in ghosts. You cannot tell me this man doesn't take ghosts as a serious threat that they might need to do something about.

Edgar believes in ghosts but prefers the peaceful resolution. After all, they're not hurting anyone, they probably just have unfinished business, so why not help.

Gloria is happy to just be the talent here. She doesn't really believe in ghosts but is entirely happy to join in to hang around her boys. She'll do things like walk into the haunted room first or play a creepy piano just because she's curious if it works.

Fred has been dragged along every single time as the cameraman and he hates it. Every single time, he tries to get someone else to take the camera so he can go home. He's the one who always has the paranormal activity happen to him. He's really not trying, he's just a ghost magnet, and it is ruining his day. Please let him quit. (He can't, these are his friends and he'd worry about them being hurt if he wasn't there)

(Napoleon is either Actually A Ghost... or Napoleon doesn't think ghosts are real but keeps trying to get them to show up just to prove to Boyd that he's wrong.)

Crispin isn't usually there but when he does show up, he's usually the guy filming as things happen to Fred. He's not really either a skeptic or a believer. Also he doesn't realize how badly focused the camera is so it usually just catches nothing but Fred looking like a wet cat when the others return to figure out what Fred's screaming about now.

Sheegor is not coming with them, ever, no way, no how, no. She's happy just staying at home with Mr. Pokeylope and never coming, though she was invited. She declined and said it was okay to not offer further invites for this.

I don't have many thoughts, just this one, so. Enjoy. Good night. Hope my ramblings make sense.

[aperfecttimeforscreaming]

10 reasons why a poorly adjusted adult Dib is a Valid headcanon

1. Dib is/was a neglected child

Dib doesn’t have a parent that he can lean on and go talk to for advice, his father is frequently out of the picture and doesn’t give a shit about the thing that Dib cares about. Dib is actively encouraged by his neglectful father to give up on it, actually. I believe this would make Dibs stubborn streak really bitter and spiteful. Most people reading this are LGBTQ+, I assume I don’t need to explain how a fucked up an isolated upbringing, or being unable to be yourself around a parent, hurts you in the long run. 

2. Dib is bullied for the things he is passionate about, and being bullied heavily colours your perception of other people 

The world of Invader Zim is not kind, Dib is frequently harassed by his classmates/superiors/family for his outbursts/lectures/overall investigator shtick. 

Now you might say “but, Screaming, wouldn’t Dib learn to tone it down as he got older?” and YEAH. Probably! But does that mean that he would just forgive all the people that made his life horrible before that point? Or who socially ostracized him for the things he’d done in the past? No. No one is under any  obligation to forgive anyone who hurt them, and I think Dib wouldn’t even try to forgive someone he saw as intellectually inferior 

3. Dib is a selfish rich kid

Dib is selfish. He wants to be the protector of earth- but he doesn’t do it for earths sake. He’s clearly doing it as a cry for attention/ a reason to eventually be vindicated for being spit on by his own kind.  I don’t think he would have genuine empathy for other people. If he did have it, it’d have to be something he had to work really hard at. However, I don’t see Dib putting much effort into understanding other humans. 

Dib is rich (probably). This one being more of a headcanon- in the series Dib wants for no material object, he wastes technology on his explorations like it’s something he can just pick up from the dollar store, his father is a world renowned scientist with access to crazy technology and the ears of world leaders. I think he’d feel entitled to one or two things 

4. Gaz is not her brothers keeper. 

She’s not responsible for his mental health, she’s not responsible for keeping him in line and “normal”. Most of the time she doesn’t want a damn thing to do with him. If we’re going by the standards of the IZ tv show, the only times that Gaz interfered with Dibs paranormal investigations were when Professor M. Was also involved. Either she wanted to see her dad and Dibs antics were getting in the way (forcing her to intervene), or she was directly ordered by their dad to keep Dib out of trouble.  Sure, you could argue that she would beat the shit out of Dib for doing something she didn’t like- but that wouldn’t “fix” the mind of a very stubborn person. It might even make them dig their heels in even deeper out of spite and bitterness as a “fuck you I’m right you’re wrong” 

Furthermore, as Gaz gets older she’s going to have her own life to worry about and might stop tolerating the way Prof. M uses her as a middle man to deal with his “poor insane son”. She’s under no obligation to fix any of the phases Dibs life might go through. If Dib was unpleasant enough, and Gaz had the resources to leave, I think she might just bail on him. 

5. Dib is arrogant 

He's gonna do what he thinks is the best course of action unless you physically stop him from doing so. He comes from a place of thinking that he is right, the opinion of anyone else is secondary. Dib will do “what needs to be done” for “the greater good”. Whatever he thinks that “good” is. He wants to play the white knight at any cost. He cannot be in the wrong, or that bravado towards being righteous in the end crumbles. I think Dib would subscribe to a “the ends justify the means” mentality

6. Dib would harm another person to get what he wanted

In a room with a moose, Dib debates letting himself die just to take his entire class down with him. In the unaired episode “return of Keef”, he co-operates with Zim in an attempt to make Keef explode, because he thinks Keef is irritating. Dib used Gaz to test out an ancient spell book, cursed Gaz to only taste pork, and then only helped fix the problem when threatened with physical violence. This could be the kind of thinking that gets worse over time as more people mock his attempts to save and protect them. Why care about people that don’t even give a shit if they live or die?  Dib is a smart fringe personality in his world, and the otherness that he feels for that could lead to a sociopathic way of thinking if things went bad enough 

7. Dib does not care about other peoples personal space

Dib hides cameras in Zims house. Dib ran right past the front gate at NASA Place, Dib chased a baby big foot up a radio tower. Dib bullied Zim physically on the playground using his known weaknesses against him. Dib would do anything to get the evidence he needed to prove what he wanted to prove, and that would get him in trouble. Repeatedly

8. Antisocial tendencies (like spending countless hours fused to a chair, or most of your young adult life spent hunched over a desk at a computer screen) make it difficult to smoothly socially integrate, and the world of Invader Zim is fuckin' mean

You know the world he comes from is mean. However, assuming Dib did find community somewhere, who’s to say they would agree with him? Or like him? Maybe one of them would cause problems for him that were bad enough he’d have to leave. I’ve always found that the IZ portrayal of earth to be like this funny cynical parody of a dystopian police state america. If we’re going by “what can go wrong will go wrong”, Dibs social integration wouldn’t get easier without a bunch of effort on Dibs part. Maybe Dib would have to pretend to be somebody unlike himself just to get by in his day to day adult life. If we see Dibs country of residence as a police state, the world Dib grows up in would encroach heavily on his personal privacy, and that might make him even stranger via paranoia 

9. Sadistic tendencies towards anything paranormal (obsessed with the act of dominating and exposing the unknown)

Dib is a fucking jerk to Zim (rightfully so), but Dib is a dick to pretty much every supernatural thing he comes across. Either out of an excess of enthusiasm, or using a supernatural being to further his own plans, or from an invasion of privacy, or being an irritant to the entity he’s dealing with. He LIKES to be mean to them.  He  wishes to have mastery over knowing how they work. (maybe it’s more fair to say Dib is a voyeur?)  

This is more headcanon than anything, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to say he might also want to control the paranormal for his own purposes. If Dib could say- catch a ghost in a jar so he could show it to everyone, he’d do it. If he could trick a werewolf into transforming on stage in front of a large audience? He’d do that.

10. Dib is created to be Zims equal

Dib is as “evil” as Zim is and vice versa. Neither of them is good, or pure, or morally justified. It’s a nice little grey dynamic. Both characters think they’re entirely in the right when they act. That they often aren’t in the right is fun because then you get to write/draw/ think about how they’d react to the consequences. Dib could still totally be a hero in his own mind, despite setting an apartment block on fire to flush out a coven of litches.

The reverse of this is also true, Zim can do nice things, and occasionally be good as Dib can be good. I figure the Zim/Dib dynamic changes for everyones interpretations at least somewhat. Having Zims terrible actions rub off on Dib as their battles escalate is a really fun way to go about exploring their relationship 

11. I like the it

There is no right or wrong way to enjoy a cartoon character! Live to make yourself happy in fandom! If you ever thought you needed permission to create rancid content, I’m sorry you felt pressured not to do it. 

You want to make a serial killer Dib?? You want to make a basement dwelling depressed zit covered Dib?? You want to make a Dib who struggles with his trauma through substance abuse?? Go HAM!! 

[tintentrinkerin]

Harness & Spears Chapter 6/10

Warning: oral sex

Read below the cut or on AO3

It was a drive of around 6 hours and Sam and Jack needed to take two short breaks to refuel the car and Jack needed some fresh air one hour before they reached their destination. He got travel sick for the first time ever. But they took another car, neither the Impala nor the car Jack drove when he sneaked to Gilead. Jack still felt weird when they arrived at the motel.

Checking in was quick. Jack was surprised which motel Sam chose and Sam just gave him a smirk.

“This is luxurious!”, Jack calls out when they enter their room on the fourth floor.

“Yes, it is luxurious compared to what Dean and I are used to, we lived in really shabby stinky rooms more than once.”

Sam is wise enough to not just start telling tales of the ‘good old times’ with Dean, because that is not what Jack wants to hear right now. Dean is a topic they will avoid for as long as they’re here.

“I would say, I unpack our stuff, prepare some tea and you get better with your sickness, hm?”

Jack turns around. He isn’t that sick anymore, but Sam just offered him some pampering, how could Jack say no to that?

“Are you sure? I can help you with unpacking.”

Sam already opened his suitcase and now starts packing folded shirts and shorts in the cupboard. He turns around to Jack with a grin.

“It’s no bother, just unwind a little, take a nap while I unpack. Won’t take long.”

Jack fills the electric cattle with water and chooses a tea from the tea table. He hasn’t seen any of these so far, it seems very european, at least that’s what Sam told him, when he once was in Ireland. But he is also super curious what Sam packed. While the kettle starts working and Jack chooses fennel tea he looks over to Sam. It looks like he packed a lot for a week trip. Sam is the neater of the two brothers and carries extra underwear, even a hair dryer, three pairs of shoes. They haven’t decided on which disguise yet, but since it was a ghost hunt that had zero body count yet, they would maybe go with the ‘paranormal activity journalist’ thing, even though Jack loved also being FBI. After Cas told him after the teddy bear case he probably wasn’t the best actor in the field, he would let Sam talk anyway. Sam was big and earnest and super convincing.

Jack hears a rustling and how Sam hurries to hide what he was about to unpack back in his rucksack.

“What was that?”, Jack asks with a raised eyebrow.

On their drive here Sam chose to do the whole ride and while riding shotgun Jack played on his smartphone and he did what he always does since he and Sam are together. He educates himself about sex. He knows Sam will show him everything one day and also answer a lot of questions, but some things he just doesn’t spill. Jack is dying for answers, all the time, every waking minute with Sam. And that looked like a foil package of condoms.

Sam blushes and zips his bag, avoiding eye contact.

“Nothing, nothing that’s important.”

The kettle is done and Jack fills a mug with hot water and adds to bags of tea. He likes his tea strong and intense.

“Sam, that looked like condoms.”

Sam looks like caught in the act. And then he lets his shoulders hang.

“Yes, but it’s an old bag, I- I didn’t unpack it completely. They might have expired anyway.”

Jack is a little disappointed. Of course he had his hopes high for a second.

“Hey, baby, please don’t be disappointed.”

Sam shuffles the bag aside and invites Jack on the big king size bed. Damn it would be the perfect occasion. They’re alone and what did Sam just say yesterday? That he wants to be with Jack. And yes, yes, they are together almost all the time and they do the most exciting and thrilling things, Jack is regularly blown away and unable to form coherent statements when Sam is done with him, but… deep inside Jack he is aching for what people call ‘the first time’ and make a big fuss about. Jack reads a lot. He doesn’t like adult movies or porn, though, it’s tacky and he feels like this kind of intercourse in porn doesn’t resemble in the slightest what Sam and him would have. But how could he know if Sam didn’t show him?

Jack follows the invitation after a little hesitation, gets out of his shoes and opens his jeans, his belly hurts and Sam told him reducing pressure would, thus unbuttoning his pants or take them off completely. Sam also is barefoot now, out of his pants and Jack dives in his arms.

“I’m sorry, Jack, I know you want it. And I didn’t want to raise your hopes.”

“Is this all because I’m a virgin and you would be my first? And you have to stay pure and a virgin for as long as possible”, Jack asks quietly.

“Did you browse weird purity websites, Jack? Virginity is just a concept. The human body is made for having sex at one point in their life. That’s why you go through puberty, start having sexual feelings, breasts and penis grow, wet dreams, periods… all of this. Shaming someone for having sex is like shaming monkeys to climb trees. It’s bullshit. It’s sexist. I love being your first, but not because I think you’d be ‘unclean’ if someone else before me had sex with you, I just like the intimacy, being able to get to know you well enough to know what’s the best pleasurable way for you. And I’m very damn glad Hunter didn’t lay a finger on you.”

“But why don’t we have sex then?”, Jack asks with a trembling ache in his chest.

“You might be a virgin, but why I’m going slow is because I like going slow per se. I had sexual encounters that happened on the day the person and I met, and it was passionate and great and all, but… you remember the tacky jokes from Cas and Dean, that my cock is deadly?”

Jack chuckles, then nods. “Yeah.”

“That really happened a lot. I thought I liked someone, and then they were possessed by a demon, were a werewolf, I even had a sexual relationship with someone from whom I knew was a demon and that was even the whole point. I did it when I was mourning Dean. Later Dean stabbed her after-”

Sam swallows deeply.

“She, Ruby, was responsible for Lucifer to be freed from the Cage the first time. She tricked us into opening all the portals.”

“Oh. I don’t know what to say, Sam. I’m sorry.”

“None of this is your fault.” Sam says with a bitter undertone. “Back to the actual topic. I’ve been through a lot of experiences that seemed pleasant maybe, sexually, but in the end they got hurt, or I got hurt. I had a lot of people violate my body.”

Jack stiffens and attempts to get up, protesting.

“I would never-”, he calls out.

“Yes, you wouldn’t . I know that.”

But your maker did , Sam thinks bitterly. But when he looks at Jack, he sees Cas. Never Lucifer. And still he has issues to fully give in.

“But, Sam… I wished we could go further. I know you think I’m just a horny teenager but I feel-”, Jack clears his throat and winds out of the embrace to take a sip of his tea. It’s hot and he burns his tongue.

“I really like you, Sam, I want to be as close to you as possible. It’s a consuming feeling, it’s eating me up. I would say it’s wildly romantic to be so horny for each other, but I’m aching inside for you. Sam… I-”

Jack can’t make himself say it. “I want you so bad. ”

Sam takes the cup out of Jack’s hand and puts it on the nightstand. Slowly pulling Jack in his hug again, this time in his lap. Jack melts everytime when Sam does that and Jack can see in Sam’s face that he knows.

“Jack, believe me, I want you too. I want you a lot. It’s hard to resist you, oh, sometimes I feel like it’s impossible.”

It’s wonderful to hear that, it’s healing the aching, but only for a little and Jack knows it will come back at him even worse. He sighs and enjoys the shivers down his spine when Sam’s hand circles on his back, between his shoulder blades; a familiar motion. Never failing to make Jack either even hotter or calm him down. Sometimes it’s hard for him to differ which feeling is which. With Sam everything is right and upside down at the same time. Secretly Jack envies all of Sam’s lovers. And to hell with it, he is jealous that Dean had to have Sam so close for all these years, see him in puberty, see him maybe feeling lust for the first time-

It takes Jack a second to realize he’s just thinking about brothers, just that with the Winchesters nothing really surprises him anymore. Not even his own fantasy of teenage Sam, in full hormonal rage, humping pillows, like Jack once did when he didn’t know what the feeling he experienced really meant and how to prolong or end it.

“You’re still very victorious of resisting my qualities.”

“You sound like a dandy”, Sam chuckles, “Believe me it’s a daily struggle to not just…”

Jack’s stomach sinks and his groin is painfully hard and hot in a matter of milliseconds.

“Not just what, Sam?”, he whispers.

Sam turns both of them around and Jack lands on his back, squealing a little. It’s such an innocent, young sound that Jack has to recognise himself he sounds young and inexperienced. Sam shoves Jack’s shirt up to his armpits.

“Sam?”

Jack’s voice is shaky.

“I will show you how much I want you, okay?”

“I’m certainly not stopping you, please show me.”

He pushes up on his arms, looking down at Sam, who pulls down Jack’s shorts.

“How’s your stomach?”, he asks, kissing Jack’s abs.

Oh, fuck. Jack has to let his head fall back and he stares on the ceiling, thin blue waves dancing in his eyesight.

“My stomach? Miracle cure” he says with a raw groan.

As soon as Sam touches him in a certain way, Jack just elevates, his senses focus on what they’re doing and probably the motel could just go down in a blast of flames and Jack wouldn’t even notice he’s burning alive.

Sam’s long hair tickles Jack’s skin and he chuckles and winds a little, Sam holds him steady, there will always be one strong arm along Jack’s spine, supporting him, showing him that Sam won’t let go. And that he’s Sam’s. Jack would never ever let anyone else touch him like that. One hand digs deep in Sam’s hair, strong brown streaks, slightly curling. Unsure if to push him further down or pull him back up Jack just holds on, feels for Sam’s lips, his slick and talented tongue, waiting for the next sensation, waiting for his own wishes to form words, then sentences.

“Sam, I want you, I don’t wanna wait any longer…”

The kisses upwards stop and Sam looks up, lips wet and glistening, tongue flicking over his lower lip. It’s obscene as it is beautiful.

“I will make it worth the wait, Jack. Believe me, there are so many unbelievably good things we can do…”

“I want you… really, I want you… inside me.” Jack’s words splatter out of his mouth and he’s aroused yet a little ashamed.

Sam hikes up completely and lays Jack down. Kisses the ‘but’s and ‘when’s and ‘want’s away. Jack struggles, frustrated and horny, mood shifting between whiny and angry.

“You will, Jack. You will get everything you want and more. Please give it a little more time. It won’t be long, I promise. I know how you feel.”

A single mad tear rolls down Jack’s face.

“Sam, I want to be so much closer, I need to feel part of you in me…”

Sam kisses away the tear, tastes the salt. Jack is a shaking, needy mess, legs spread, shirt shoved up under his chin. Nipples hard, goosebumps all over and a raging hard cock between them.

“Are my fingers okay, too?”

Jack nods frantically. He remembers the orgasm that was so mind blowing and got ruined by Dean and Cas running into them.

“Yes, again, please.”

And Sam is a keeper of his promises.

Jack is shaken to the core before Sam even penetrates him. It’s a delight to see, only the sight of Jack’s golden eyes, the slight quakes, he’s so responsive in a unique way and it’s only for Sam. If Jack only knew how hard it really is for him to not just take the boy here and now, thrust in this perfect pale mannequin body, Sam has never seen anything so breathtaking. Of course he wants to feel Jack’s insides, he wants to drain the last drop of cum out of him while Jack rides him, GOD , Sam would do a lot to experience that in a complete guilt free and perfect way, like Jack deserves. Part of him wants to mark the naphil as his, show everyone that Sam is the luckiest man alive, because Jack chose him. Damn, fucking him until he’s loose and barely able to utter anything else than faint moans or sobs, yes, Sam wants to make Jack never forget the sex they’ll have. But he can’t. Not yet.

If Jack only knew that corrupting something so beautiful, so rare, so graceful strikes Sam with such terror -- to do it wrong. To disappoint.

If Jack only knew that Sam isn’t the strong indestructible man he might appear like. That things inside him are just broken and cannot be fixed. And it could destroy what they have. And Sam can’t have Jack shatter on the truth. He wants Jack to shatter on his body, shaking and in extacy. And in perfect bliss.

“Sam, please”, Jack coos.

Sam will not just give Jack his fingers, he’ll give him his tongue and mouth. Jack’s cock is full, red, tip glossy with precum Sam spread across already. He doesn’t hesitate to press the tip of his tongue on the bundle of nerves right underneath the glans while wrapping his lips around the tip. Jack sounds broken, his hips jerk and he simultaneously tries to pull away, his hands in Sam’s hair.

“Sam, so much! It’s so much!”

“Is it good much or bad much, baby?”

“Good”, Jack admits, “it was in a movie and when I saw it…”

Jack covers his mouth with his shivering hand, biting his finger.

“It was good?”

Jack nods.

“I won’t go on if you think it’s too much.”

“Oh, I… I don’t know Sam, it’s really hot, but what if I spill…”

Sam chuckles.

“Don’t worry about it.”

While talking he gently keeps jerking and Jack relaxes a little.

“I don’t want you to stop Sam, I want all of it.”

“Sure?”

“Yes, please keep going. Can I watch you?”

Jack looks down and Sam sees nothing but longing in his eyes. Good.

Sam laughs. “Of course, feel free.”

Jack already tastes a little salty from precum and Sam goes slow, it’s a new sensation and it’s just a matter of time until Jack won’t be able to hold his orgasm anymore. Sam risked it to take two fingers for Jack this time, circling his sweet spot steadily and sucking him in the same slow torturing rhythm. Jack’s hand in his hair clenches and relaxes before also his other hand grasps for some loose strands. His noises are so sweet, Sam’s cock jumps and aches with every new little ‘oh’ or whispered name it’s harder to stay patient and noble. Sam’s primitive part wants to go on without any mercy, suck Jack off, fuck this tight sweet ass with until he’s sore and force orgasm after orgasm out of this beautiful boy.

Jack’s breath hitches and his hips thrust up in Sam’s mouth, not enough to make him gag but enough to make his mouth water even more, make the blowjob sloppy and full of wet noises. Immediate reactions. Moaning. Fingernails scratching his scalp.

“Sam! I’m….”

Jack doesn’t need to finish that sentence, Sam can feel it coming. Jack’s cock grows even harder, a little bigger - or is that wishful thinking? - and Sam can’t resist to swallow as deep as possible, his fingers ramming into that tight hole -- fuck, Sam is about to cum himself untouched just by how Jack feels, tastes and these sounds. Fuck, these sounds should be forbidden.

“Close”, Jack cries, “Sam, so close!”

Sam would love to answer, give Jack some encouraging answers but he can’t stop now. He wants to feel Jack filling his mouth, he wants everything Jack can give right now. It should be painful, how Jack clings onto his hair, pulling and ripping. It isn’t.

With some firm and frantic rubs of Jack’s prostate and Sam moaning with his mouth full of cock the boy arches his back and cries so sweetly, his legs crossed behind Sam’s back start pressing them even closer together, his hands push and pull.

“I’m coming”, Jack’s voice is clear as a bell, no trembling.

And then he shoots his cum, thick hot spurts in Sam’s mouth and while Jack gasps and moans so loud the neighbors might hear, Sam swallows and keeps stroking, keeps sucking.

If Sam only looked up, he could see the molten glowing honey shade of Jack’s angel eyes, wide open, his shaking body and a faint blue light illuminating the face perfectly shaped like marble, Grace surrounding him like a halo.

Light bulbs pop and TV starts crackling -- just seconds later everything turns quiet.

Sam looks up, catching the rest of cum with his thumb from his lips and licks it up. Jack looks down at him, his eyes teary and still shining a little.

“Sam…”, he croaks.

Sam crawls up and Jack immediately snuggles up into an embrace.

“Did you just cause a blackout?”, Sam asks with a grin.

Jack sobs. “I think so... It was…”

“Yes, I felt it. Overwhelming?”

“I still feel like I’m shaking…”

Sam hugs him tighter. “You are still shaking a little. I will hold you.”

It takes a little for them to calm down. Actually, Sam can’t calm down, he is tenting his boxer briefs. There’s no way to hide it. Jack shifts, a hand runs under the fabric. Sam forgets to breathe for a moment.

“You don’t have to”, he whispers.

Jack doesn’t stop.

“But I want to.”

[azbagans]

Stuck With You

Pairing: Zak Bagans x Reader

Summary: Stuck in quarantine with Zak is slowly driving you both insane, but a minor argument brings things back into perspective. (Inspired heavily by “Stuck with U” By Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber.)

Warnings: None (basically fluff central with minor hints of angst.)

Lately you and Zak had been bumping heads, and honestly you couldn’t pin point why. Problems were a rare occurrence in your relationship, and in the case you were to argue it would be because you were upset at how careless he could be when taunting spirits or whatever it might have been. You only argued because sometimes he wouldn’t even tell you about it, so you’d find out when you watched the episode air, which was the frustrating part. 

However, that wasn’t the case this time, because he had to postpone any planned investigation for the time being since the coronavirus forced states to lockdown, urge citizens to stay home, and social distance. Truly, the first few weeks weren’t all that bad. You both had missed spending time together, so you both enjoyed spending time together. Learning new meals to cook, having him assist any baking you wanted to try, cuddling up and watching movies and TV shows, or playing with Gracie out in the backyard. This was the soft domestic side you missed Zak showing, and it was comforting for you both. 

Of course Zak was often FaceTiming Aaron, Billy, and Jay as they did their best to work from home either on editing old footage or planning for future renovations for Zak’s Haunted Museum. Honestly, sometimes they were simply just joking around with each other as they talked about everything and nothing all at once. 

“Babe, you forgot to refill Gracie’s bowl.” You sighed as you refilled both Gracie’s water bowl and food bowl while you were at it. He was recently deep into who knew what, typing away on his laptop, calling the crew, and obliviously to you some producers too. “I’m sorry y/n, I’m a bit busy.” Zak sighed from the living room, where he sat with his laptop being used to arrange certain things, as well as his cellphone pressed to his ear thanks to his shoulder. 

You had noticed he stopped putting calls on speaker, and spoke softer when you were around, which grew to annoy you. Of course you trusted him, the annoying part was that he clearly didn’t trust you. A soft sigh left your lips as you rolled your eyes and entered the kitchen, making sure all the dirty dishes were around, if not in the sink, before starting to wash the dishes. How there was such a pile of dirty dishes in a household of two was absolutely beyond you. If you didn’t know any better, you’d even suggest a spirit had been helping make the mess. 

The sound of your phone ringing drew you from your thoughts, sighing as you dried one hand quickly to pick up the phone. Using your shoulder to keep the phone in place as you returned to washing the dishes. “Hello?” You responded, setting a now clean plate on the dish rack. “Hello y/n, I hope I didn’t call at a bad time.” Nancy’s voice came through, smiling at the sound of Zak’s mother’s voice. 

“No! Not at all Nancy, just washing a few dishes. How are you doing?” You responded softly as your hands became a soapy mess. “I’m doing just fine honey, thank you. I hope being locked up hasn’t caused Gracie a problem,” Nancy responded with a soft laugh. “No, not at all! We play with her in the backyard often, she still enjoys the outdoors at least.” You laughed, relaxing slightly at the news that she was indeed healthy and well. 

Meanwhile, Zak had been typing away on his laptop to put together a rough draft for their investigation. “No, that won’t be necessary. We’ll handle all the filming. The security cameras will help us make sure we get absolutely everything, so we won’t need anyone else but us four.” Zak finalized with their producer. He, Aaron, Jay, and Billy had agreed to quarantine themselves within his haunted museum for two weeks. It took them some convincing before Zak was able to get everyone on board with the investigation. Zak had grown restless, and he couldn’t just stay home. 

Of course the investigator loved being home with y/n and Gracie, it was relaxing and peaceful, definitely something he had needed. However, he was now ready to get back into work mode, which was challenging considering their ‘stay at home’ order had just been made longer. He was yet to tell y/n, not that he meant to hide it from her, but they had enough with their petty arguments lately. Surely, this would only be the cherry on top.

“So what can I do for you, Nancy?” You asked with a small smile as you were drying your hands, having finished washing the dishes during your small talk. “Well, I was hoping to get in touch with Zak? He hasn’t been answering my calls and I had some questions for the new investigation.” Nancy responded, you grew confused as you let Gracie outside, following her into the backyard. “I’m sorry, he’s been rather busy on the phone lately. He’s on the phone as we speak.” You explained, a small frown on your face as you sat down on the grass. “New investigation?” You questioned.

“Ah, I figured. I just wanted to check in and make sure things were sorted for their new quarantine location. I can’t believe they are going to stay in the museum for the next two weeks.” Nancy sighed, oblivious to the fact that her son hadn’t told you yet. “But anyway, please have him call me as soon as he can? It was nice talking to you, y/n.” Nancy bedded her goodbye. “Of course Nancy, take care.” You responded, hanging up shortly after. 

Zak was going to stay at the museum? You weren’t sure what bothered you the most. The fact that Zak hadn’t even told you yet, the fact that none of the boys had told you either, or how stupid that idea even was. You knew the paranormal was Zak’s life, and you respected that, but you worried for him endlessly. He tended to be a little too ambitious when taunting, or exploring dangerous grounds with demonic or poltergeist activity. “Hey, my favorite girls are hanging out without me?” You heard Zak approach you, as you were torn from your thoughts while watching Gracie bark and chase after a squirrel. 

“Hard to tell,” you muttered as you crossed your arms over your chest. Zak sighed as he took a seat beside you, the outdoor scene of the backyard would have been peaceful and relaxing, had it not been for the tension between the pair. “Babe, we can’t go on this way.” Zak frowned as he glanced your way, though you hadn’t met his gaze. “I agree. You know, I was wondering what I did to make you avoid me so much. When were you going to tell me?” You responded, your voice a bit hoarse as you fought back a few tears. 

Zak wasn’t sure how you’d found out, but he figured it hadn’t mattered much. A sigh leaving his lips as he watched you with a soft gaze, “I’m sorry y/n. Honestly I wasn’t sure the others would even agree, and working with production to approve has been a nightmare. I didn’t want to spark another argument in case it wasn’t even approved.” Zak explained, knowing he should have told her sooner. Zak knew you’d be worried and upset, angry even, but he wasn’t expecting your response at all.

“I don’t get it.. Do you not want to be around me anymore? Am I not making you happy? I just don’t.. understand..” You frowned as your eyes began to water, blurring your vision slightly. “What? No! Where did you even get that from?” Zak frowned as he gently reached for your hands, taking them into his. This wasn’t at all the response he had imagined, and some how, it hurt ten times worse. Seeing you cry was something he never wanted to see. 

“Why else would you want to lock yourself in your museum? For two weeks? Surrounded by the most deadliest and cursed objects on Earth, Zak why are you doing this?!” You asked, the hurt in your voice audible as some tears slid down your cheeks, doing your best to blink away any others. “Y/n, sweetheart…” Zak sighed as he gently let your hands go, to instead cup your face gently, his thumbs wiping your tears away. “I’m so sorry, that’s not at all why we decided to do this. I figured it would give us something to do and considering the fights we’ve been having, it would give you some space. I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend lately,” Zak explained with a frown on his face as he gazed into your eyes. “But I love you, y/n. I love being around you, even when you run that smart pretty mouth of yours.” Zak reassured with a small smile, before pressing a soft yet sweet kiss to your lips. 

The tension slowly began to ease away, as you relaxed under his touch, kissing back. The contact being something you had missed the last few days after petty disputes. “I love you too Zak. I’m sorry I’ve been so petty lately.” You sighed softly before pouting, “What on Earth am I supposed to do without you the next two weeks?” You selfishly asked, though of course you were only teasing. 

“Don’t worry babe, you’re stuck with me the rest of this quarantine after that. Whether you want to be or not,” He joked towards the end, a soft laugh leaving your lips as he wrapped his arms around you. He brought you into his chest as you now sat on his lap, your head resting on his shoulder. 

“I’m stuck with you, Bagans. Go ahead and drive me insane, its just you and me.” You responded with a small smile, an arm around his neck as you leaned upward a bit and pressing a soft kiss to his lips, Gracie soon running onto your lap as you both shared a laugh. 

There’s no where else you’d rather be.

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Eidolon 3 | (T)

ff.net | AO3

Fandom: Danny Phantom (DP)

Summary:  AU: What started off as the result of a simple act of rebellion ends up causing his life to spin out of control. How will young Danny cope with the results as well as a past that has a strange habit of coming back to haunt him.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, kidnapping, and various other things

Parings: hints of Danny/Sam much later on

Notes: originally uploaded to Ff.net. Cross-posted to AO3 and tumblr.

Chapter 3: Worries

"Sam… can you run this by me again?" he asked as he stopped searching for a moment and glanced at her. "What exactly are we looking for?"

Her response was a roll of the eyes. "I thought we went over this already… Don't you want to know what we saw last night?"

"I don't!" Tucker voiced, causing the two of them to look at him. "What? That thing was scary! For all we know, it could still be out here, and I for one, have no desire to see it again!"

"Why, aren't we brave?" The sarcasm in Sam's voice spoke volumes. In an almost immediate response, Tucker covered his head with his arms. Apparently, that tone was a verbal warning of the threat of pain. Sam could apparently be rather scary when she felt like it.

"Hey! Don't get mad at me! I just want to keep my good looks safe for the ladies! Besides, you're the one with the grudge!"

That answer just seemed to anger Sam more. "How selfish can you get? You don't even care that other people could be in danger?" Though it was true that she had sworn her vengeance on whatever they had seen, rational seemed to have come back to her in the hours after the chase. She currently just wanted to know who or what that was.

"I do… except, in my book, I come first! Besides, shouldn't this be a job for the police instead?"

"Like they're going to believe a couple of kids. We'll probably be the ones to get in trouble if we say anything. They only take it seriously if we find some kind of proof."

Danny stayed silent as he watched their fight continue. Sam did have a point; whatever it was that they had seen the night before could potentially be dangerous to anyone in the area. It also seemed unlikely that the police would believe them, since they would probably just pass it off as some kind of animal, which it definitely was not! However, he sided more with Tucker. If it wasn't for Sam's persuasiveness (aka threats), there was no way that he would have come back to the cemetery for quite some time.

He glanced around the familiar surroundings and shivered slightly. It was only about one in the afternoon, but it felt like it was much later. The shadows appeared more pronounced, the statues looked corrupted, and the air seemed stale and heavy. It was almost as if that thing's presence had managed to taint the area.

Even though he really did not believe in the so-called paranormal, there was definitely something demonic about that creature. That thought caused him to sigh. He was being silly. There was probably a very logical explanation for what he and his friends had seen. It was probably just some drifter or psychopath… which is just as comforting.

In truth, he would rather just forget about the incident and chalk it up as a bizarre situation that he never wanted to ever deal with again. He had also made a promise to himself to never again sneak out of his house at night; being scared half to death was so not worth it. However, he had this sinking suspicion that Sam was going to make him break that. Speaking of which…

"What…?" he asked after he realized that she had asked him something. "Sorry, I wasn't listening."

"Jeez, Danny, get your head out of the clouds." Judging by her expression and the fact that Tucker was hiding rather poorly behind a nearby bush, they had stopped arguing for the time being. "I just wanted to know if you had managed to get home okay last night. I mean, you didn't get in trouble or anything, did you? I kinda forgot to ask earlier."

He frowned for a moment. "Surprisingly… no," he replied before giving them a sheepish grin. "I… uh… fell when I snuck back through my window. If you haven't already noticed, I'm kinda klutzy. Winston's use to that, but it's a little weird for me to fall at night. If he did wake up, I guess he assumed I fell off the bed again."

Sam shook her head. "Again…?"

"I don't do it often!" he replied in an embarrassed protest. "Just a couple times a year!"

"And that makes it so much better."

"Um, I don't mean to pry or anything," Tucker interrupted as he came over. Apparently, he now thought it was safe for him to come out of hiding, though he did make sure that he was out of Sam's punching range. "But, why do you call your dad by his first name?"

That question earned another sheepish look. "Well… um… I'm actually adopted. Winston's been my guardian for as long as I can remember. Apparently, my parents had asked him to take care of me if anything would happen to them…" He sounded wistful for a moment before he sat down on a nearby bench. Raising his head, he glanced at them while wearing an expression that was unreadable. "I… I really don't know what happened to them. Winston's not very comfortable with the topic."

After a small pause, Sam glared at Tucker, who cringed. "Tucker! How could you bring that up?" she demanded as she moved closer to him.

"Sorry!" He immediately backed away from her as he raised his hands again. "I didn't know!"

That caused Danny to chuckle, which caused both of them to look at him. "It's okay, really! I don't mind. Let's just go back to searching before Tucker gets hurt."

"Tucker likes that idea!"

Sam glared at the nervous boy for a moment before poked him in the chest, "Fine, but this doesn't mean that you're off the hook."

….

"Sam!" Tucker whined about an hour later. "Let's call it a day! We haven't found anything! And besides, we promised Danny yesterday that we'd show him around."

Once again, Danny agreed with him. There were definitely less boring activities than failing miserably at finding anything. They had found nothing! It was as if there was absolutely nothing to even suggest that there had even been something other than him in this part of the graveyard within the last day. It was definitely frustrating since there was a small part of him that did want proof that he hadn't just imagined last night. Even if Sam and Tucker had seen it, maybe it had been some weird group hallucination. He had heard those were possible.

Sam glanced around again and gave a frustrated huff before she kicked the ground. "I guess you're right… even if I don't want you to be. I guess we should lea… Hey, what's that?" She pointed at something before she sprinted over to whatever it was that she had seen.

He and Tucker shared a look before they followed her. By the time they had reached her, she had picked up what appeared to be a piece of paper and was examining it. Apparently, it contained either an image or word that was holding her interest.

"Um… Sam… what… oomf!" Danny's words were cut off when Sam shoved the paper into his hands. "What the heck?"

She glared at him while she impatiently tapped her foot. "Just look at it!"

After giving her a look, he complied. At first, the only thing that caught his attention was that he was holding a rather old piece of paper. That normally would not be too weird since littering was unfortunately common, but this paper wasn't just weathered, but it also had a strange feel as if it was more along the lines of canvas than actual paper. He then noticed that there were black marks on it, which he realized was a sketch of what appeared to be some sort of figure.

He turned the paper a bit to see if he could get a better feel for the picture. It appeared to be an ink sketch of what he took to be a demonic figure with… possibly flaming hair. After a moment, he also realized that there seemed to be writing on the top of the paper, but the letters were too faded for him to make out.

"So… what do you think?" Sam asked after he had handed the paper to Tucker.

"Not much," he replied with a shrug. "Sure, it's creepy enough, but I don't think it's related to this. Papers find their way here all the time. Possibly someone lost it out of their sketchbook a while back."

She just shook her head. "Danny, I tend to do a bit of sketching myself… That's not a type of paper, if it is paper, that you commonly use. In fact, I'm fairly certain that I've never seen it before."

"Sam, you're probably over thinking things. I really don't think that it's anything out of the ordinary," Tucker told her as he gave it back to her. He then glanced at Danny and grinned. "Although Sam's usually pretty level-headed, she sometimes lets her love of anything weird run away with her."

"Take that back!"

"In this case, I don't think I will."

"Would you still say that if you weren't standing behind me?" Danny asked as he tried to turn to get a look at his friend.

Tucker gave him a serious look. "Dude, have you seen her boots? They hurt! Oh… alright." After receiving another glare, he gave up on hiding and looked over at the still irritated goth. "If it will make you happy, I'll try to find some information on it when I get home. Though, to be absolutely honest, I'm fairly certain that picture's nothing more than the product of someone's deranged… oh, I mean artistic… mind."

Try as she might, Sam couldn't resist chuckling at his comment. "Thanks. If anyone could find something, it would be you."

"I'm glad you noticed."

"Sure, I noticed. It's your only redeeming quality."

"Hey!"

"Sorry to interrupt another one of your fights," he told them as he raised an eyebrow. Their "play" arguments were throwing him for a loop. How was it possible they were still friends if that happened as commonly as it seemed? "But, am I missing something?"

Sam laughed as she waved him off with her hand. "Don't mind us. Both of us keep forgetting that you don't know any of this yet. Although he might not look like it, Tucker's amazing with technology. I swear that he could honestly bring down a satellite with that PDA of his." She then glanced over at the boy who had brought out said PDA and had begun checking it in a strangely loving fashion. "I'm actually surprised that he didn't mention it yesterday. Perhaps he was trying not to scare you way."

After a moment she placed her hand on his shoulder. "Come on! We should leave now before he starts trying to induct you into his technologic world…"

xxxxx

The door slammed which let him know that his charge was finally home. If it was any other day, he would have actually gone to greet the boy, but this was not the case. He was currently stuck on the phone listening to someone who was irritating him more and more with each passing second. Even though he was usually a patient man, it was taking all of his self control to not raise his voice at her.

"Ma'am, I understand the consequences," he told the voice on the phone tiredly as he tried to wrap up the conversation, "But I assure you, that not only am I acting on his parents' wishes, but that I am also taking very good care of him."

What the woman said next absolutely enraged him. "That remains to be seen!" was his indigent reply. "Please reserve your judgments until you or one of your people come to do that review. Now, have a good day." The woman had tried to respond, but he cut her off by slamming the phone. Those people were so tiring, but that one really knew what to say to get under his skin.

"Uh… is everything okay in here…?" Danny asked carefully as he appeared in the kitchen. His expression clearly said that he hoped that he was not in trouble.

Winston sighed and ran his hand through his hair as he sat down. "It's really nothing too important, just another call from the state. Apparently, they're now attempting to use scare tactics." He then looked at the boy and tried to smile, "So, how was your day?"

Danny shrugged as he too grabbed a seat. "Sam and Tucker showed me around town some more, and we hit the arcade for a bit before Tucker had to head home. We're going to try to get together again in a couple days."

"That's good…"

"Um… are you sure you're okay?"

He sighed as he looked up at the boy who seemed worried about the absent-minded response he had recieved. "Yeah… I guess I let them get to me more than I had thought. Anyways, how does pizza sound for dinner?"

"That sounds great!" Danny then got up and headed towards the hall. "I'm going to be in my room for a while."

"That's fine." Winston then got up and picked up the phone again. After calling the pizza place, he headed into the study and tried to relax.

Why was in the world was that man getting involved in this? He had heard the rumors that the man had begun to involve certain aspects of his many companies in some of the state cases, but until that call he did not believe that they were actually true. Due to the money that those companies held, it was going to much more difficult than he had originally thought to keep Danny. Not only that, but the head of those companies, Vlad Masters himself, had personally become interested.

According to that woman, he claimed to be a friend of Danny's parents. If that was the case, why didn't they ask him to take the boy? But, that was beside the point. Even though the man was well-respected, there was something that just did not sit right with Winston. Sure, he might be a business genius, but he had gained way too much power too quickly. There were rumors that those gains had not been made above the table, and Winston believed that they were true.

It was also known that the man was not above using underhanded tactics in court. If this case did end up going that far… there was no telling what that man might reveal. Danny's story was complicated, and even though he had done what was asked of him, it was unlikely that a jury would see it the same way, especially with how unbelievable the story really was. Most likely, Masters would corrupt the tale, making it even worse.

Then there was Danny to think about. While it's true that he had not be entirely forthcoming with what had actually happened, he had planned on revealing everything on his upcoming birthday. However, with the current mess, he was unsure what precisely to do. If he was to wait and the boy was told a corrupted story, it would most likely shatter his world. He could not let that happen, but he did not want to add stress to him, especially since there had been no indication it was true…

A sudden crash followed by a yell immediately got him out of his seat. That was….? What was that? He stood still for a moment trying to figure out from where the noise had originated when he realized that had been Danny's voice. Sure, the boy did have a tendency to trip, but there was no way that was normal.

He immediately ran to boy's room and opened the door. "Danny! Are you all right? I heard a crash!" He looked around expecting the boy to be near his chair or bed, but instead he was on the floor, plastered against the wall. His piercing blue eyes were wide and frightened.

Worried, he kneeled beside the boy, placed his hand on the boy's shoulder, and gently shook him. Unfortunately, he still did not get a response as Danny was still staring at something. His military instincts kicked in, causing him to tense and glance around the room looking for anything that was out of place. After a moment, he realized that nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but he still kept himself prepared potential surprise.

"Danny…" he whispered harshly to his charge as he continued to watch, "what happened?"

There was no sound until he heard Danny take a deep breath and move. He looked back to see the boy leaning his head against the wall. His breathing was still heavy, but it looked like the worst of the shock of whatever had happened was beginning to wear off. "Are you okay?" he asked cautiously as he glanced around again.

"Huh…?" the boy's voice was startled. Had he only just realized that he had come into the room? "Wh-what's going on?"

"Are you hurt?" he asked as he knelt down again. "Did something happen? Did you see something weird?"

At the last question, his charge tensed and glanced at his hand as if he was examining it. After a moment, he hesitantly looked back at him and shook his head. "I… I'm fine, but what's with the twenty questions?"

He raised an eyebrow at the boy. "Really? Daniel, I heard a crash and a yell from you. I was worried," he told him as he helped him to his feet. "Are you sure everything's okay?"

This time, he was answered with a nod. "I'm fine… I just … fell off the chair... and managed to knock some of the stuff off my desk…" Danny cringed slightly when he realized how weak sounding his excuse was. He then became more animated and began to push the older man towards the door. "I promise! I'm perfectly fine! N-nothing's wrong! Just give me a few minutes to clean up everything, and I'll be right out! The pizza's supposed to be here shortly, right?"

Before Winston even had a chance to attempt to get a word in, Danny shoved him out of the room and slammed to door. He remained there, a little stunned for a few moments. Whatever had happened definitely spooked the boy, it was probably nothing like he had said… but he could not help but wonder. A normal fall like that should not be so frightening.

He took another glance at the door before he headed back into the kitchen. Maybe he should watch the boy a little more closely, just in case.

[marjansmarwani]

Who You Gonna Call? 

A Ghost Hunting AU - 4.9k

[Read on Ao3]

A charity event brings together the two most notorious internet ghost hunting teams: Marjan and TK of the borderline irreverent Spirit Squad and Paul and Carlos of the historically accurate Paranormal Investigators. Their task: investigate Austin’s notoriously haunted Littlefield House. The twist: they have to swap partners for the night to do so. It should be entertaining, if nothing else.

Or, The Ghost Hunting AU literally no one asked for.

I didn’t write anything for Halloween because I’ve been busy with work and have a few other projects going on, but I did write this ghost hunting AU back in May. I figured I would share it here again because it definitely has the spooky vibes, plus some excellent TK & Marjan and Paul & Carlos friendships (plus flirting Tarlos!). Some of you may have seen this the first time around, but it was a while ago so who knows! Either way, I hope you enjoy! 👻

Oh, and Happy Halloween! 👻🎃

--------

A chorus of swearing greeted Grace as she unlocked her front door. She entered the kitchen to find her husband messing around with the Keurig, which was apparently the subject of his ire. She shook her head fondly and crossed the kitchen to wrap her arms around his waist, “Struggling there, my love?”

 Judd relaxed ever so slightly at her touch, but didn’t back down, “The goddamn thing never works for me! I don’t understand why we can’t just have a regular coffee maker instead of this infernal thing.” 

 Grace scoffed, “We have that because it was a Christmas present from my parents, and because you broke the coffee maker, remember?” 

 Judd deflated a bit at this, but continued his grumbling, “I still think it’s too complicated. I just want some coffee and it’s messing with me I swear!” 

 Grace leaned around him and reached around the back to flip the power switch. The machine beeped and began to brew the pod Judd had put in the chamber. Judd turned to face her, face sheepish, “Have I told you lately how wonderful and talented you are?” he asked. 

 Grace laughed and leaned into him, “You may have yesterday, but it’s always good to hear. Now, what’s up with you that’s got you so flustered you can’t figure out a simple machine?”

 Judd’s scowl returned, “I have that job tonight, and I’m not looking forward to it.”

 Grace frowned, “The charity one? Why are you upset about that?”

 “Because it’s a bunch of kids playing ghost hunters. They’re ‘youtube people,’ I’m sure they're going to think they’re too good for this and be whiny and just annoying kids in general.”

 Grace burst out laughing and Judd looked at her, bewildered, “What’s so funny?” he demanded.

 “I’m sorry Judd, I just didn’t realize I had married a Scooby-Doo villain. You do hear yourself, right? You’re about one rubber mask away from “you meddling kids” and frankly, I think it’s adorable.” 

 Judd tried to scowl, but he couldn’t hide pleasure that his wife’s laughter brought him. “Just you wait,” he told her, “they are going to be ridiculous and needy and probably get themselves into all sorts of trouble, and it’s going to be up to me to save their asses.”

 Grace nodded with mock sympathy, “Well, I guess you’d better go before you’re late,” she said handing him the travel mug now filled with coffee, “you wouldn’t want to keep those meddling kids waiting.”

 Judd shook his head as he leaned down to give his wife a kiss, “You’re a menace.”

 “But you love me anyway.” 

 “That I do.” 

 --------- 

“We’re here at the hauntingly historical Littlefield House on UT’s campus. The house was--”

 “Cut!” Marjan called, looking up from her camera. She raised an eyebrow at her partner, “Hauntingly historical? Really TK?”

 “It’s alliteration, Marj. It’s good storytelling technique!”

 “It’s cheesy is what it is. Why don’t you try it again without the cheese factor, or I can do the intro.”

 “You did the intro last episode, we rotate these things Marjan.” 

 “But this is a special episode outside of our regular season, so our usual rules don’t apply.”

 “You’re only saying that because you like the spotlight.” 

 “No, I’m saying that because you should give the people what they want!” 

 “That hurts, Marj.” 

 Marjan’s retort was interrupted by the appearance of two men weighed down by bags of equipment approaching the house. “Hello,” the taller of the two shouted as they grew closer, “you must be the Spirit Squad, TK and Marjan, right?”

 The pair nodded and walked forward, intercepting the pair halfway down the front walk. “And you must be Carlos and Paul; the Paranormal Investigators. It’s good to meet you both,” TK said, reaching out to shake both their hands.  

 “The P.I.s for short,” Paul reminded him, returning his greeting. 

 There was a flurry of handshakes and polite greetings before they all turned to look at the building in front of them. 

 “Looks pretty imposing,” Paul noted, “are we sure there’s only one ghost in that whole place?”

 Marjan shrugged, “Only one agoraphobic mental patient at least. Who’s to say what else?” 

 They all studied the house, a stately victorian, for a few more silent moments. 

 “Well,” said Carlos, breaking the silence, “shall we?” 

 TK gave an exaggerated arm flourish and a beaming smile, “After you.”

 Paul and Carlos continued their journey up the walk and TK turned to join them, but paused when he saw Marjan shaking her head at him exasperatedly, “Two minutes and you’ve already started with the flirting,” she said mournfully, “Tonight is going to last forever, isn’t?”

 “Lay off Marj, have you seen him? How could I not?”

 Marjan took a deep sigh and looked up to the sky in exasperation, “What did I do wrong in a past life to get stuck with you?” 

 TK rolled his eyes, “Don’t even start, you know you love me.”

 “Don’t get too cocky Casanova. There are plenty of windows in this place, a tragic accident might just happen.”

 “You’d miss me.” 

 “But think about the peace and quiet I could have.” 

 ---------

Judd sipped his coffee as he watched the 4 kids enter the property. He was so not looking forward to this. He understood why the university was hosting this; he just didn’t know why he had to be the one in charge of them. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he told Grace how much he was dreading tonight. He just knew this was going to be a long, pointless night. As they cleared the entrance and began looking around he heaved a weary sigh and set his mug down on top of the piano he had been leaning on and walked over to them. 

 “Welcome to the Littlefield House,” he said with what he hoped was a passable imitation of enthusiasm - or at least tolerance. “My name is Judd Ryder, head engineer for UT’s campus. I’ll be your contact tonight. If you have any questions I’ll try to do my best to answer them and I’m going to go over some ground rules before you get started. Any questions so far?”

 The small group all shook their heads and Judd carried on, “Good. Rule number 1 - don’t touch anything you don’t need to. Everything in this home is old, valuable, and much of it was donated by some of the University’s very generous benefactors. You break it, you buy it. Rule 2: don't do anything stupid. I'm not looking to spend tonight pulling anyone out of a hole or anything of the kind. Follow those two rules and we'll get along just fine. Any questions?"

 Carlos nodded, “Mr. Ryder,” he asked, “Would you mind giving us a little background on the house and it’s supposed haunting?”

 Judd looked at him incredulously, “On camera?”

 Carlos nodded patiently, “That is how we tell our stories sir. I think our viewers would appreciate having it come from an expert - it makes it all seem more reliable. I’m sure as a highly respected employee of the University you must have some first-hand knowledge of the history, and may have seen some of the instances first hand. Your input would be invaluable. 

 Judd straightened, “Well,” he began, “I suppose that I would be uniquely qualified.”

 Carlos smiled warmly, “Excellent. Let’s get it set up.”

 Judd was busy flattening out the wrinkles in his shirt; he didn’t notice the fist bump that Carlos and Paul subtly exchanged or the look that passed between TK and Marjan.  

 ----------- 

“The Littlefield house was built in 1893 for Civil War veteran George Littlefield,” Judd began, “at the time of its construction it cost $50,000 dollars to build. As I’m sure you can imagine, it would cost a pretty penny more to build today.” 

 “Three guesses which side he was on,” Paul muttered and Carlos swatted at him, motioning at Judd to continue. 

 “Major Littlefield even went as far as to have a Himilayan Cedar imported and planted on the property. It is still standing today and is one of the most distinctive trees on campus. You can see it through that window right there,” he said gesturing towards the window to their left, “When his wife Alice Littlefield died in 1935, she donated the house and its property to the University, or which she and her husband had always been big supporters. These days the ground floor has been maintained in its former glory for hosting events and tours, while the second floor houses offices.” 

 “What about the third floor?” TK asked from off-camera. It looks like there are turrets from the outside, are those accessible.

 Judd looked thoughtful, “I think they might be used for storage. To tell you the truth, no one really goes up that far much. It gets real hot up there on those upper floors.” 

 “Can you tell us more about the spirit that supposedly resides here and the activity that people have witnessed?” Marjan prompted. 

 Judd nodded, “The ghost is said to be that of Alice Littlefield, the widow of Major Littlefield. People say that she still haunts this house as she never really left it even in life. Some say that she was agoraphobic, others say that her husband kept her locked in the attic. No one knows for sure, but everyone agrees that she didn’t get out much and that’s probably why she is still here.”

 “What kind of experiences have people reported?” 

 Judd scoffed lightly, “people say that they have seen a ghostly figure walking past the windows at night or wandering the grounds. A few even claim they’ve heard the piano playing when there was no one there to play it.”

 “To clarify, you mean this piano, right?” Carlos asked, panning towards the grand piano next to them.”

 “That’s the one,” Judd confirmed with a nod. 

 “What about you Mr. Ryder, have you ever had any experiences with this spirit?”

 Judd shook his head, “No, can’t say that I have,” he said evenly. 

 “Wonderful,” Carlos exclaimed, shutting off his camera, “That was great, thanks so much for your time Mr. Ryder.”

 Judd nodded as they began sorting through equipment, “Not a problem. Listen, the university has me on call tonight for y’all, so if you need anything let me know. I’ll be around. And please,” he added as an afterthought, “don’t break anything. I hate filling out that paperwork.”

 The group gave him solemn nods as he exited, sighing heavily and muttering something about kids under his breath. 

 The group watched him leave and then looked at each other, each trying their best to hide their grins. 

 “So,” TK asked, “shall we get started?”

 ---------

The deal was this: a charity had asked the two most popular ghost hunting teams on the internet to get together for a special fundraising episode, with a twist (to be decided by a vote from their viewers). A week of polling provided them with the result - the two teams were going to be partner swapping tonight. 

 According to charity’s PR rep, fans had commented that they wanted to see this partner swap because the two teams were so different. The P.I.s were very fact-driven; their show erred on the side of documentary. The Spirit Squad, on the other hand, was much more sensational. Sure they did the facts, but their show revolved a lot more around their antics than the history. Fans were eager to see what kind of dynamic a mashup would bring. 

 Which brings us back to this moment as the two teams divvy up their equipment and head to meet their new partners for the evening. TK hands a microphone pack to Marjan, humming to himself all the while. She levels a glare at him, “Would you stop that?” 

 “Stop what?”

 “Stop being so pleased about this!”

 “Marj,” TK began emphatically, “Of course I’m happy. I get to spend an evening with Mr. Paranormal Heartthrob over there. I’m fucking thrilled.”

 Marjan rolled her eyes, “Great. While you are off doing salacious things on company time, I am going to be stuck with Mr. Encyclopedia.” 

 “Come on, he doesn’t seem that bad.”

 “TK, you’ve seen their show. The dude somehow knows literally everything and can spend multiple minutes talking about the significance of various wood types in regional architecture. I might not be pushing you out a window tonight, but I might end up jumping through one.”

 Now it was TK’s turn to roll his eyes, “Give the guy a chance Marj. You know how it can be when you’re filming. He might be a completely different person off-camera. You might be surprised and actually end up liking him.” 

 Her expression softened incrementally, but her voice was still firm, “We’ll see.” 

 Across the room, a similar conversation was happening. 

 “You can’t seriously expect me to spend a night working with her do you, Carlos?”

 Carlos raised an eyebrow, “What’s wrong with her?” he asked skeptically.

 Paul seemed to falter a bit, “I mean, it doesn’t seem like she takes much seriously. She’ll probably be off-task all night. Besides, she’s the one who’s catchphrase is ‘come at me demon!’ Actually, I feel like the fact that she even has a catchphrase is telling enough.” 

 “I think you’re being unfair.”

 “Unfair? I would never!” 

 Carlos narrowed his eyes at him, “I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not right now and it is honestly concerning to me. You need to give her a chance.”

 “No, I don’t think I do.” 

 Carlos sighed, “What did we say about not being a dick around people who don’t know you’re always kind of a dick?”

 Paul looked at least slightly chastised, “Fine, I’ll play nice.” 

 “That’s all I ask. Now,” he said cheerfully, snapping the last of his gear on, “it’s time to go meet our new partners!”

 “You know, sometimes I kind of hate you.” 

 “I’m okay with that.” 

 ------------ 

Marjan swung her flashlight around the grounds as she walked. She and Paul had taken the grounds and first floor while TK and Carlos would be tackling the upper floors. So far all she had seen was a lot of grass and awkward silence. 

 “So,” she began, turning to face her companion, “any thoughts on what we’ll find?”

 Paul shrugged, “Not too sure. All the lore says that if we see anything, it should be Alice so I’m hoping we’ll find some evidence of her. The reports make it seem like she’s pretty active, I’d love to catch some of that.” 

 Marjan hummed in agreement, “That would be cool. I’m a slut for some good audio evidence.”

 Paul raised an eyebrow at her. “What?” she asked defensively,

 He shook his head, “Nothing. I just figured you were more about the video evidence. You know, where you could be seen doing something crazy.”

 She scoffed, “Yeah, that stuff’s fun, but when it comes to actual evidence, I find audio to be more reliable. There are just too many factors when dealing with video evidence. Besides,” she added as she crossed to the other side of the yard, “It’s not that I don’t enjoy doing all that stuff, but it’s all for ratings. I know how to make a brand.”

 “You know Marwani, I might have been wrong about you.”

 “You can’t believe everything you see on the internet Strickland.”

 Paul laughed, “No, I suppose you’re right.”

 They continued in silence for the next few minutes, each studying their devices. After completing a full circuit of the yard Paul sighed, “Guess that was a colossal waste of time.”

 Marjan shrugged, “I guess it depends on how you look at it. I’m just glad we were able to put entire floors between ourselves and that,” she said, gesturing over her shoulder towards the second-floor window that revealed flashlight beams moving. 

 “You mean the flirt fest? Yeah, I’m not too broken up about missing out on that either.” 

 Marjan nodded emphatically, “Don’t get me wrong, I love TK like a brother, and I want nothing more than for him to be happy. But I don’t feel the need to be in the room as it happens.”

 Paul hummed his agreement, “Carlos is my best friend but when he is infatuated with someone, he is basically unbearable. I’ll take ghost hunting outside over witnessing that any day, thank you.” 

 Marjan glanced back up at the window, “How gross do you think they are being right now?”

 “On a scale of 1 to 10?” 

 “Sure, why not?”

 “11, definitely.” 

 ----------- 

“So,” TK started awkwardly, “how’d you get into ghost hunting?”

 “I watched my family die and have been determined to find their spirits ever since.” 

 TK’s eyes grew wide, “Seriously?” he asked. 

 Carlos chuckled, “No. I just liked scary movies and ghost stories as a kid and have always believed. You?”

 TK shrugged, “I guess I’ve always believed too. My dad is huge into this stuff, so I learned a lot about it growing up. Then I met Marjan and we hit it off and she needed a partner so I just kind of, did it.” 

 “Are you and your dad close?”

 A small smile spread across his face, “Yeah. He’s the best. He’s a firefighter, and growing up I always wanted to follow in his footsteps, but this came along and kind of just fit, you know?”

 Carlos nodded thoughtfully, “Yeah, I think I do. If you had told 15 year old me that I would be ghost hunting for a living, he would have thought you were crazy. But, I like it. I get to see new places, meet interesting people, and spend time with my best friend.”

 “Well,” TK said, “I think it was a good choice.”

 Carlos looked at him curiously, “Why’s that?”

 TK grinned suggestively, “Because it means we met.” 

 -------------- 

So far, the inside was not much more interesting than the grounds.

 Marjan was starting to get antsy. She knew that ghost hunting was generally a “hurry up and wait” kind of situation, but she hated the long periods of nothing. At least she normally had TK to banter with. Tonight, she was stuck with a companion who was studying an abstract painting with far too much interest.

 “I think this is an original Kelpe,” he said eventually.

 “A what?” Marjan asked incredulously.

 “A who,” he corrected, “Paul Kelpe was an American painter from about the 1930s until he died in the 80s. He was known for abstract art and retired to Austin before he died.”

 Marjan stared at him, “How in the actual hell do you remember this stuff?”

 “My mind is like a steel trap.”

 Marjan had several things she’d like to say in response to that, but before she could even begin eerie music floated down the hall, effectively ending their conversation. 

 They looked at each other, and Marjan was gratified to see her excitement reflected on Paul’s face. “Is that...” she started to ask at the same time Paul exclaimed “The piano!” 

 They looked at each other for just a moment more before they hurried down the hall, back towards the piano. 

------------

It took a few tries, Carlos managed to get the door to the turret room open. He and TK walked inside slowly, shining their flashlights around the room. 

 “Wow,” TK said, and Carlos nodded his head in agreement. 

 The room was filled with the scattered paraphernalia of life. It looked like everything had been left as is, as if the resident of the bedroom had just walked out the door, ready to start their day. If that day had been about 80 years ago, judging by the dust.

 “It doesn’t look like anyone has been in here in ages,” TK noted as he gently brushed the dust off an ornate hand mirror.

 Carlos was studying the doorway, “I think you might be right. It doesn’t look like there is any kind of lock or reason it should have been stuck, but it definitely did not open like a door that is commonly used.”

 “I wonder whose stuff this is?” TK muttered as he examined the contents of the desk. “Whoever’s it is either loves antiques or it has been sitting here since it was new.”

 Carlos had halted abruptly in his own exploration, staring at something on the table by the door. When he spoke, his voice was shaky.

 “I think you might be spot on with the later,” he said.

 TK turned around, frowning. “What makes you say that?”

 Carlos picked up the item he had been studying and turned so TK could see it. It was an antique calling card, yellowed with age, but the name printed in delicate script was still legible; it read “Mrs. Alice Littlefield.”

 “Well, shit.” TK breathed. Carlos nodded.

------------- 

They reach the piano at the same time, equally out of breath. They each examine their various devices. “I’m getting some pretty strong readings,” Marjan noted.

 Paul nodded, “Me too. He moved around the piano, examining it, “I don’t see any wires or triggers, or anything that suggests that this could have been caused by another person.”

 Marjan ran an experimental hand across the keys. They played normally. She hit a few notes, but they all sounded as they should. “It seems to be working just fine too.” She lifted the lid and they each shone their flashlights inside.

 “Everything looks normal in here too,” she noted after a while. She looked around the room and gestured at one of the cameras they had set up. “Maybe the static cam caught something.”

 Paul nodded, pulling out his phone to make a note, “I will definitely look. Hopefully we got good audio too.”

 Marjan nodded, “This is so cool,” she gushed.

 Paul smiled, “It is, isn’t it?”

----------- 

Tk looked around at the contents of the room, “It doesn’t look like anything has been touched since she died.”

 Carlos nodded, gently fingering a lace handkerchief on the bedside table, “It looks like she just up and left. It’s kind of sad, actually.”

 TK looked at him curiously, “What do you mean?”

 “I mean, it doesn’t seem like she had anyone who cared enough to go through her things after she died. Once she died it seems like she just…stopped existing and the world went on.”

 TK didn’t really know what to say to that. He glanced around the room and then back at Carlos.

 “Unfortunately, I think that is generally what happens, no matter who is left behind. But if it makes you feel any better, if people are right about Alice being the ghost here, she apparently had different plans.”

 “I honestly don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”

 TK shrugged, “Me neither.”

 “I guess what really bothers me is the thought of what will happen to us when we’re gone. I don’t have much family left as it is, and not too many friends outside of Paul. Would there be anyone left to remember that I existed, or would it just be a room full of stuff that says Carlos Reyes used to exist?”

 TK studied him for a moment before speaking, “I know where you’re coming from, believe me. All I have are my dad and Marjan. But I think that it’s more a matter of what we do than what we leave behind.”

 Carlos smiled at him, “That’s pretty wise.”

 TK grinned, “I do my best.” He took a few steps closer to Carlos. They were so close now that he could every nuance of brown in the other man’s rich, warm eyes. “If it makes you feel any better,” he said softly, “I’d care if you were gone. I’d help to keep your memory around.”

 Carlos smiled at him, “Then I guess that means I should do the same for you.”

 “It’s a deal then,” TK replied, sticking out his hand. Carlos took it and the shook, but their hands lingered for several moments longer than necessary. Carlos was the first to pull away, albeit reluctantly.

 “I guess we should keep going with the actual investigation part before our respective partners hunt us down and murder us.”

 TK nodded solemnly, “True. What good is our pact if we both die at the same time, murdered by our perfectionist co-workers?”

 They exchanged a grin, but Carlos frowned as TK’s expression shifted and his gaze drifted past him. “Everything okay?” he asked hesitantly.

 TK didn’t answer right away, “I’m not sure,” he said eventually. “I thought I saw something but...I don’t know. Probably just a trick of the light.” 

 Carlos looked like he wanted to say something, but the sound of his phone alarm cut off whatever it was that he had to say. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen. “That’s the 15-minute warning. We have to be out of here pretty soon. We should head back downstairs and help the others gather the equipment.

 TK nodded and began to disassemble the camera they had set up in the corner of the room. “Hey Carlos?” he asked as he worked.

 “Yeah?”

 “We make a pretty good team, don't we?”

 Carlos grinned, turning away to hide the blush darkening his cheeks, “Yeah, I think we do.” 

--------- 

A few days later, TK was walking up the sidewalk towards Paul’s house when he heard his name being called from behind him. He turned to see Carlos rushing to catch up with him. He couldn’t help the little flutter his heart did at the sight of him. He paused, letting the other man catch up.

 “Hey,” Carlos greeted as he reached him, “What are you doing here?”

 TK shrugged, “Honestly, I have no idea. Paul called me and asked me to come over.”

 Carlos frowned, “He asked me the same thing. Which, is not weird since we are friends and business partners, but you being here too is strange. No offense,” he added hastily.

 “None taken,” TK assured him. “Honestly, I was thinking the same thing.”

 They stood awkwardly on the sidewalk for another moment before Carlos shrugged, “I guess the only way to find out is to head in.”

 TK nodded and gestured towards the door, “After you.”

 Carlos let them in and led TK towards the office. When they entered the space, they were even more surprised that Paul was not alone.

 “Marjan?” TK asked incredulously, “What are you doing here?”

 Paul answered, “I called her first because I needed someone else to confirm that you two are as big of idiots as I thought you were.”

 Marjan nodded solemnly, “And I can confirm, you are the biggest idiots.”

 TK and Carlos looked at each other, baffled. “What did we do?” TK asked defensively. 

 Marjan and Paul simply exchanged a look before Paul turned his laptop around for them to see. There was a video feed paused on it. It seemed to be one of the feeds from the turret room. Carlos gave the other two a confused look, “What does that have to do with anything?”

 “Oh, just wait,” Paul said, reaching down to hit play.

 They all watched silently, Marjan and Paul watching their companions more than the video. TK and Carlos watched as they moved through the frame, getting closer. TK blushed as they grasped hands. He knew what part this was, he just had no idea how sappy they actually looked. He was just grateful there was no sound. As he watched, he saw a figure appear over Carlos’s shoulder. His eyes widened. That couldn’t be…

 “Is that an FBA?” Carlos asked weakly, looking up at Paul and Marjan. Paul glared at him, “Just watch.”

 They all turned their attention back to the screen to see as the figure became more solid. There was no denying that it was the ghostly figure of a woman. She remained there, just past Carlos’s shoulder, for a least a minute before vanishing as quickly as she had appeared.

 Present Carlos and TK looked at each other. “I guess you did see something,” Carlos said weakly. TK was still too shell-shocked to respond. They had been in the same room as a Full-bodied Apparition – the holy grail of paranormal investigating – and they hadn’t even noticed.

 He looked over at their partners, who seemed torn between amusement and frustration. He understood the feeling.

 Eventually, Paul spoke, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me that you two were so busy flirting you did not notice a literal ghost not even two feet from you.”

 Carlos ran a shaky hand through his hair, “Yeah, I think that about covers it,” he said weakly.

 Marjan snorted, “Actually, it looks like she yeeted herself out of there as soon as possible. Face it – you guys are so gross that even the dead don’t want to deal with you.”

 TK and Carlos locked eyes. After a moment Carlos shrugged and TK groaned, “The shippers are going to have a field day with this. We will never have another moment of peace.”

 Carlos considered this for a moment, before a sly grin spread across his face, “Maybe, or we could just beat them at their own game?”

 TK frowned at him, “What do you mean?”

 “TK Strand, would you like to go on a date with me?”

 There was a beat of silence before Paul and Marjan groaned and TK grinned, “I thought you’d never ask.”

 Marjan looked at Paul, “Our lives are ruined,” she said mournfully.

 He nodded grimly, “Let’s be real though; we never stood a chance.”

 Notes: 

I actually did a lot of research for this one and since once an English major always an English major or something like that, you can find my sources here, here, here, and here. If nothing else it's worth it for a look at the house (which is a real place) because it does give off some serious spooky vibes in my opinion. 

[Read on Ao3]

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Halloween is on the way~ Hee-hee so enjoy this little spooky treat~

Featuring: The Polterbitch

The Polterbitch is a terrifying, ghostly entity that manifested from Amy’s intense feelings of anger, hatred and resentment towards the people she felt hurt by.

This was inspired by IT, The Conjuring, Paranormal Activity and Lights Out, scary… because the polterbitch is very much like the ghosts in the Conjuring, Paranormal Activity and Poltergeist, but it’s also kinda sadistic like Pennywise... 

Lol it’s to be expected given that Amy was born from American Horror Story... so naturally... she brought the horror story to UA or at least lets them know that they need to start believing in horror stories.

Background:

After Amy temporarily quit UA, she isolated herself in her mansion, with Shinsou, Madison, Mallory and Coco there to keep her company. Unfortunately, Amy was distraught, upset and still feeling angry towards Izuku (who broke her heart) and Aizawa (who she felt close to but he upset her greatly) and All-Might (to a lesser extent), in her anger, a curse was born and accidentally unleashed into the school only moments when Amy exited the grounds.

After her departure, the class noted that it felt off without Amy and expressed concern when she left, with Mineta especially terrified and thinking that she probably cursed them. Soon after, strange things began to occur throughout the student’s school days, beginning with moments when the lights would turn on and off or noticing that things had been moved, with glass cups having been shattered or the refrigerator left open throughout the night with some snacks eaten.

 However, Izuku was the first to become a victim of these strange happenings, with his homework assignments suddenly flying out of his backpack, or attempting to get a glass of water only for the glass to never fill up no matter how much water was poured into it. A visible event that startled those who witnessed it.

Tokoyami accurately deducted that it was a curse and reluctantly noted that Mineta was right, but Izuku didn’t really want to believe that curses were real, but it didn’t stop his classmates (including Todoroki, Uraraka and Aoyama) from kinda avoiding him when unlucky things started happening to him.

Initially, the curse did mostly harmless and minor tricks, such as turning the lights on and off, placing objects in different places in the dorm buildings and opening the doors through invisible means. As well as more bad luck occurring, with Izuku got the full brunt of the curse, but Aizawa faced several misfortunes as well.

Other simple things happened, such as perfectly ripe apples ended up being rotten and decayed upon being chewed, Izuku’s All-Might figurines are stacked up in a way he didn’t stack them before after turning around for a moment, his homework papers suddenly come flying out when he opens his bag  and then a raccoon kept randomly attacking him upon opening the refrigerator, the pantry, his locker and when he tries to shower.

Likewise, Aizawa was attacked by the same raccoon when attempting to sleep in his sleeping bag or when he attempts to grade test and after grading them, the next day his students note that there weren’t any grades on the papers when he returned them. All-Might however, experienced more harmless tricks such as finding his books stacked up when he turned around for a moment, or finding playing cards in his wallet instead of money when trying to buy snacks.

In the duration of a week, the students became paranoid and a disgruntled Aizawa set up cameras to figure out what was happening and to his and their horror, the cameras showed things happening such as the doors being opened and items being moved in the kitchen, and it became more apparent that the curse was real. The curse’s tricks became less harmless and the curse began to take on a humanoid form that lurked in the shadows and began to openly terrorize and horrify any who were unlucky enough to encounter it, or if it simply felt like screwing with their minds.

Students such as Izuku, Uraraka and Jirou then pleaded Shinsou for his help, but when he visited the dorms nothing happened during his presence (due to his friendship with Amy), and he was aware that there was a minor curse on them, but he neglected to tell them just for his own amusement.

Shinsou: There’s nothing going on here you lunatics.

Izuku: Then why are all these bad things happening?! I spent the entire night locked in the pantry downstairs and my phone j-j-just died! I had it charged and it just died! And the lights wouldn’t even work!

Uraraka: Three days ago I saw the door close! By itself! And a chair moved by itself too! Aizawa-sensei was with us he saw it!!

Shinsou: It could’ve been your classmate Hagakure.

Jirou: It is NOT Hagakure! There’s something going on in here! And it all happened as soon as Amy left!

Shinsou: A lot of things have happened whenever she leaves. Not just this series of unfortunate circumstances and coincidences.

Mineta: These aren’t coincidences! It’s a curse! An evil witch’s curse! She cursed Midoriya and now she’s cursed all of us!

Shinsou: (irritated) You guys were going through a lot of stress during the time before and after. Perhaps it’s just your guilt manifesting.

Izuku: Shinsou it is NOT that! Please just tell Amy to stop doing whatever she’s doing, please?! I beg of you...!

Shinsou: She’s recovering at her house. You should’ve been nicer to her when she was here and maybe she would, but she doesn’t have to, because she isn’t doing anything.

Amy had no idea what was going on though, as she was unaware that she had placed a curse on UA and that it gleefully terrified and haunted the school. At least until her classmates began texting her and begging her to help them and turn off the curse, initially she didn’t believe it because she wasn’t aware that she could create curses, but Todoroki’s text ended up convincing her to go back momentarily to UA for inspection. 

To her horror she realizes that she did indeed place a curse upon them that took on the form of a poltergeist that she dubbed a ‘polterbitch’ because the curse had no desire to kill anyone, but rather, just enjoyed playing mind games and scaring all the people she hated, and she found it hilarious due to how many people and children were frightened by the haunting. 

Still, because some of her friends were afraid, she reluctantly lessened the curse after reading a spell on how to, and to her annoyance she discovers that the curse was born from her emotions and it urges her to work on herself because while she admits she still holds anger towards certain people, that she doesn’t want her friends and the people she liked to suffer for it. 

Taking this to heart and working to improve on herself, Amy’s curse began to dissipate, the happier she was with Shinsou and her girlfriends, and also... meeting Ashlen online also brightened up her spirits, along with meeting her friend Ambrose is what enabled the curse to be uplifted from UA with nothing else occurring afterwards.

Personality:

The polterbitch, strictly speaking, functions as a curse and a poltergeist that haunts the area it was placed upon, as Amy unknowingly cursed UA in her moment of resentment and anger. Initially, it began as a curse that enabled unfortunate mishaps to occur throughout the dorms and played harmless pranks that alarmed and freaked out Amy’s classmates and friends particularly since they couldn’t explain them. It has a wicked sense of humor as it finds amusement in scaring the daylights out of people, even giggling at their fear, but it can be playful as well as it also giggles at the frustrations of Iida, Bakugou and All-Might.

Mischievous at first, the curse became increasingly wild, turning lights on and off and being especially active at night time and shortly afterwards began to take on a more active presence to the point where Dark Shadow, another entity, was able to communicate with it through the TV one late night at 3 am. However, when Todoroki (who had trouble sleeping) arrived in time to watch the shadow talking to the TV he was skeptical until he heard a voice’s whispers and believed it to be Amy, and in turn, the curse took on her form (albeit appearing more like a specter, ghostly figure) and began to speak to him. Implying that curse still retains Amy’s attachments as it seemed to recognize Todoroki and it took her form for him to be comfortable with and it seemed the most comfortable interacting with him as it never attempted to interact with any other friend.

The polterbitch does not seem outwardly cruel, or rather, is selective in who it plays tricks on, as it did nothing to harm friends like Shinsou, Todoroki, Yaoyorozu or Kaminari, even helping them when they misplaced items with the polterbitch putting Kaminari’s correct book in his backpack or attacking Mineta when he attempted to look up Yaoyorozu’s skirt. Although it still enjoyed playing harmless tricks on Iida and Bakugou, but more out of playfulness rather than malice as it fondly giggled at their annoyance and did nothing to harm them.

Unfortunately, it retained Amy’s anger towards certain people as it went from speaking calmly with Todoroki to animalistically roaring when Aizawa found Todoroki still awake at an ungodly hour and it immediately fled when spotted by him. Likewise, the polterbitch took a twisted delight in terrorizing Izuku in particular by playing endless tricks that became much more fearful that scared the hell out of him. It seemed to also have Amy’s sense of humor, albeit far more wicked as it enjoyed the fear it got out of people, including the Big 3 and Aizawa, who were visibly startled by it’s actions such as shutting the doors and moving chairs before their eyes. Although, the polterbitch did also use physical violence when especially provoked, as it also beat the tar out of Mineta during an exercise for spying on the girls.

Showcasing that the polterbitch has two sides, one that is gentle, playful and passive with Amy’s friends, and another that is aggressive, sadistic and beastly towards the people she hates or feels anger and resentment towards..

The polterbitch is assumed to speak, as Dark Shadow and Todoroki seemed to hear and understand what it was saying, but when others watched it interact with them, they heard nothing from it as it’s mouth opened.

It’s cruelty and trickery all varies and depends on Amy’s emotions as the polterbitch is fueled by Amy’s negative emotions such as anger and resentment towards certain people, however, it can be staved away by happiness and love as the polterbitch dissipated with a smile when Amy received love and support from friends such as Shinsou and Madison, and when she found comfort in a new friend. 

Abilities:

Curse Embodiment: The polterbitch functions as a curse built from Amy’s anger and resentment and thus primarily acts on these emotions to terrify the people she’s most angry with or simply hates. 

Intangibility: The polterbitch can go through walls and other items. 

Invisibility: Although it lurks mainly in the shadows, the polterbitch can make itself invisible from others and also lets itself be seen when it wants to be seen. 

Teleportation: The polterbitch can suddenly appear in other places, although it’s implied that it can do this through the use of shadow travel and lurking in darkness.

Speed: The polterbitch is very fast, but primarily utilizing darkness for speed. 

Fear Inducement: Stemming from Amy’s resentment, the polterbitch induces fear in those it’s creator is angry with and gleefully does so in an almost sadistic manner.

All in all the polterbitch is a metaphor for lingering toxicity and how it can harm others, even the ones you didn’t intend to hurt and that it can return, but it can also go away too and it can stay away as long as good choices are made for ones self.

Incantation: I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you...

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Imagine : William had an affair with his wife, and having a daughter ( The reader) , Who was taken by his wife after they divorced , now years later the reader ends up building the fnaf6 establishment and perhaps during UCN , Scraptrap and Scrap baby ( and if you feel like it , the crying child/ golden freddy/ cassidy ) looking at their name tag and finding out their related. resulting in both a reunion and them protecting the reader from the other animatronics.

“Huh..now this is interesting.” You hummed in curiosity as you looked at the monitor, seeing the roster of fifty animatronics, including Phone Guy and an 8-bit crocodile-like creature called “Old Man Consequences”.

You really didn’t know what to expect when you somehow woke up in this office. But out of curiosity, you decided to set a few animatronics to an AI of 5: Scraptrap, Scrap Baby, and Golden Freddy.

Now, of course, they weren’t simply random choices.

Many years ago, you came to the realization that your father, William, was a rotten man who murdered children and cheated on his wife, resulting in you being taken from him at a very young age.

You never got to know who Mrs. Afton was, but your mother told you that she, unlike William, was a sweet and kind person, and she had no idea she was married until it was too late.

You’ve heard about William’s other children: Elizabeth, Cassidy, and Michael, although you never got to know them personally, as they all perished due to both accidental and paranormal circumstances.

However, you have heard rumors of your father and two of your half-siblings possessing animatronics: particularly Baby and Golden Freddy. And you wondered if they were true.

So after setting their AIs up and hitting “GO”. You patiently waited for any sign of their arrival.

For a few minutes, nothing happened, with the exception of a strange green animatronic parrot flying by you, squawking as it went from one open door to the other. You didn’t think much of it and just looked at the monitor, tapping the little Fazcoins as they appeared on the screen.

“Nothing yet..” You mumbled in slight disappointment, although when you set it down and looked up, you got the surprise of your life.

Scrap Baby was sitting there in front of you, completely motionless, slouched over like she was a limp doll. Compared to the original Circus Baby, she looked less like a clown and more like a Halloween-themed animatronic, with a giant saw attached to her arm.

“Holy shit..” You then noticed the large device that mysteriously appeared on the desk, a bright orange button with a lightning bolt symbol on it.

Cautiously, you took the shock device and set it in your lap, before you gazed back at Scrap Baby.

The monitor told you that she could activate if you took your eyes off her, and not noticing when she moved could mean your end.

So you just watched her carefully, tilting your head to the side. “..E-Elizabeth..?”

There was no response. And you sighed, shrinking back in your chair as you looked at the monitor once more. Although when you put it down, you saw her sitting upright, staring directly at you.

Not only that, but Golden Freddy was also in the room, slouched against the wall.

“Umm-”

If that wasn’t enough, you then heard a violent clamoring in the side vent, the lights began flickering rapidly. But in your panic you forgot what to do and that’s when “Scraptrap” emerged from the vent.

You could immediately see how decrepit his state was, with his suit’s holes revealing several bones, veins, and muscles, along with some of his teeth.

“I always come back..” He spoke in that raspy, familiar voice, glowering at you, although upon looking at you closely, that’s when he blinked in surprise. “Hmm, why do you look...familiar?”

“Dad?” Scrap Baby looked over to see her father, gasping. “Daddy! You’re here, too?”

“Yes, Elizabeth,” he hushed, before gazing at you more intensely, eyes trailing to the name tag on your uniform. “[Y/n]..ah. Yes. I remember now. My you have grown. How have you been?”

“Could be better, could be worse.” You shrugged. “I’d ask you the same thing but..you look like you’ve seen better days.”

A raspy chuckle of amusement escaped him, along with a strangled wheeze. “Yes.” But then he noticed the pointed look you had and sighed, placing his hand on the table. “Look..you must know about everything now..but I-”

“Save it, dad.” You sneered this time. “Nothing you say now can undo all that pain you’ve caused..to your wife, to your children, and all those other people you’ve brought harm to. When my mom told me all about you, I didn’t want to believe it. But now, looking at you…I can see that you truly are a monster.”

Hurt seemed to flicker in Scraptrap’s eyes, although he knew there was nothing he could say to defend himself.

“Although…my one regret in going with her instead of you was that..I never got to meet Michael or Elizabeth or Cassidy,” you told him, sighing. “I’m sure they were kind, and..I wish I got to know my half-siblings better before they became, well..” You gestured to Scrap Baby and Golden Freddy.

However, you heard a soft sniffle and looked to see that the withered golden bear was now standing up. You smiled as you saw him waddle over to you, before he slumped beside the desk, closer to you.

“D-Dad never told me about y-you..” Cassidy’s shaky, tearful voice whispered from within the suit. “But..I-I don’t mind having another sibling.”

“Don’t start crying now,” Scrap Baby huffed, leaning over to whisper to you, “Don’t mind him, he’s always been a crybaby-”

“H-Hey, that’s not true!”

“It’s fine.” You chuckled, gently booping Golden Freddy’s nose. “It’s good to meet you Cassidy, and Elizabeth. But..where’s Michael?”

The animatronics simply glanced around the room, before they shrugged in response.

Then you saw that parrot flying into the office again, and you tapped its beak, wondering what would happen if you did that.

Almost immediately, Rockstar Foxy appeared in the office with his accordion and parrot on his shoulder. But he looked rather angry at being summoned. “Yarr! Ye play with fire an’ sometimes ye get burned!” He growled, slamming his instrument down.

However. before he could lunge at you, Scrap Baby stood up and grabbed him by the neck with her claw. “On the contrary, I think it’s you who’s playing with fire right now,” she spat. “So why don’t you and your little birdie run along?”

“..a-aye..I..I will go now. I promise.” The fox stammered, relieved when she let him go. He grabbed his accordion and scurried out of the room.

You looked at Scrap Baby, stunned. “Y-You..saved me?”

“Of course.” She turned back to you. “You’re our family. And families always stick together. Wouldn’t you agree, Cass?”

“Y-Yeah,” Golden Freddy nodded. “And..w-we’ll protect you from any other threats you might face! All my life I’ve..been so helpless, and I don’t want a-anyone else to have those feelings.”

You smiled warmly at the two, before your gaze met Scraptrap’s, that smile gradually faltering as you saw him look the other way. “Father?”

“I..know you never wish to see me again, but...I may come to your aid, when you least expect it.” He muttered. “There’s no telling when I’ll show up, or even if I show up at all. You just keep reading that little tablet of yours, child.”

And with that, he walked back to the side vent and crawled into it, disappearing within a few moments.

Scrap Baby and Golden Freddy watched him leave, before they looked back at you, seeing you sigh as you sat back in the chair, perfectly content.

Sometimes a family was a normal adult human, a boy possessing a tattered golden bear suit, a girl possessing a mangled Halloween-like clown robot, and a man whose corpse was caged in a springlock rabbit animatronic.

But you were just fine with that.

[katastroficwriter]

Fic title, "vulnerable"? :)

vulnerable

Summary: Kiibo and Ouma should never be together.

Especially when exploring a decrepit high school with rotting floorboards.

In which Kiibo and Ouma dug themselves a deeper hole than expected when they accidentally crashed to the bottom of a run down school with no other way out.

Tags: Supernatural, Heart-to-heart conversations

                                         ———————————-

“So ghosts, am I right?”

“GAAAH!!! SHUT UP! STOP TALKING ABOUT GHOSTS! I DON’T SEE NO GHOST! GHOSTS AREN’T REAL! YOU PROBABLY JUST MADE GHOSTS UP!” Momota’s sudden outburst easily grabbed everyone’s attention from whatever conversation they were having..

The next thing they saw was the face-splitting grin that slowly took over the supreme leader’s face.

“What’s the matter, Momota Kaito-chan, “Luminary of the Stars”? Scared of a few ghoooooosts~?” he cooed mockingly. “Then again…you know what they say! The more terrified they are…the louder they howl. Wow~!  You’re such a big coward, Momota-chan!”

“SCARED? ME? Of-of-of c-course not! Why the hell would I b-be s-scared of something that doesn’t even e-exist!” the astronaut stammered, taking a couple of steps back. “And I’m no coward!”

“I beg to differ, Momota-kun. There have been countless traces of the souls of the dead roaming in plenty of villages I’ve visited in the past, ku ku ku…” Shinguuji added, waving his index finger a little. “It was truly a wondrous experience. I still remember it as if it were only yesterday.”

“See? Even Shinguuji-chan says they’re real,” Ouma snickered. “And that’s why I want to see them for myself!”

“I-It has to be a lie! You probably roped Shinguuji into this! As long as you’re involved, it has to be a lie!” Despite the strength in Momota’s accusation, everyone can tell how badly his legs were shaking like a newborn fawn’s.

“You’re just afraid of the truth, that’s why you always dismiss it as lies,” Ouma tapped at his lips with a deceitfully serene smile.

“Everybody settle down!” Akamatsu huffed, placing her hands on her hips. “Anyway…what’s with this sudden interest in ghosts, Ouma-kun?”

“Finally! Someone asking the right questions. I knew I can count on you, Akamatsu-chan~” Ouma waved his arms up and down with uncontained excitement. “You see…I wanted to propose a class bonding activity in the form of a test of courage!”

“A test of courage? Hah! I’ll ace that like how I aced my astronaut exam!” Momota slammed a fist against his chest, color returned to his face.

“After your shameful display? I highly doubt that,” the supreme leader made a show of flicking dirt off his nails.

“Ouma you bastard–”

“But a test of courage in Spring? Isn’t that a little…off-season?” Shirogane spoke, raising her hand. “Wouldn’t Summer or Autumn be a more suitable time for those kinds of things?”

“Oui, Oui! Shirogane-chan!” Ouma crossed his arms over his chest. “But you see, the abandoned Saishuu Academy would be demolished next month! We absolutely cannot afford to wait for Summer or Autumn!”

“Saishuu…Academy?” Saihara lifted the bill of his hat as he spoke. “Why there?”

“Huh? Is there something going on with Saishuu Academy, Saihara-kun?” Akamatsu tilted her head to the side.

The detective tugged his hat lower, “Um…none that I know of. It’s just…my great-great-grandfather used to go there during his time.”

“Exactly!” Ouma pointed at the detective. “Saishuu Academy is one of the, if not the oldest school in the entirety of Japan! It’s bound to house a lot of ghosts in it!”

“What makes you so damn sure about that, you gremlin? It’s not like people fucking died there!” Iruma scoffed.

“Shut your stinky mouth and listen, pig, you might actually learn something if you do,” Ouma slammed a hand on his desk.

“H-hiiee!” 

“The school has a clean record, sure. But I’ll have you know that Saishuu Academy was in fact built over an execution ground for criminals! A prison! There’s plenty of deaths on that land, that’s for sure!”

“Nnngh…you’re probably just lying again!” Yumeno pointed an accusatory finger at the leader, though her bravado was belied by her pale face. “Y-you’re just saying that to d-disrupt my mana flow!”

“Oh, but what Ouma-kun said is in fact true,” Shinguuji chuckled. “I even have records of it in my lab. I would present it to you all, however, it’s a very old record and thus very fragile to the elements. I do not wish to damage it.”

“S-stupid! This idea is stupid anyway! Why do I have to go through a test of courage when we already know how courageous I am!” Momota slammed his fists together. “G-ghosts or a-ayakashi, or y-y-youkai, they aren’t r-real and are just stories invented to t-torment the feeble-minded!”

“No need to be shy, Momota-chan, we all know you mean you,” Ouma smiled. “Anyway! If anyone wants to join in the fun, just go meet me and Kiiboy by Saishuu Academy’s school gate. I’ll only wait for 10 minutes. I’m entering the school whether or not you all come, just saying.”

“Wasn’t this supposed to be a class bonding activity?!” Chabashira raised a fist.

“That was a lie, really. I’m just making this announcement in case I die while exploring the place, nishishi! That way you’ll know where to look for my remains.” The leader hopped off his seat and approached the albino robot, who was currently sitting idly by the wall in sleep mode while he charged.  “Speaking of which, I really love nature so make sure you spread my ashes in the forest, okay?”

“B-bullshit! Stop fooling around!” Momota gritted his teeth.

“That aside…did Kiibo-kun already agree to this? I didn’t think he’d be the type to go on trips like this one,” Amami rubbed his nape.

“Oh, he doesn’t have a choice, really,” Ouma proceeded to poke and prod random buttons on the robot’s body. “I just needed something to take paranormal photos of! Kiiboy’s a machine, so he can definitely detect ghosts and print out a photo for us or two!”

“H-hey, you should stop messing with Kiibo, what if he blows up or something?” Momota shuddered had the thought. He still needed to go to space! There’s no way he’s going to die from an explosion!

“…Mmm? Huh? Up already? But I’m only at 79 percent…” Kiibo mimicked a yawn. “How did–”

“Morning sleepyhead~ Wanna go on a test and courage with us later?” the supreme leader flashed the android a toothy grin.

“O-Ouma-kun? Test of courage?” Kiibo’s brow furrowed as he began perusing the recording of the conversation which he slept through. “What for?”

“Just for some good ol’ class bonding,” Ouma tucked a strand of hair behind an ear. “You have no choice by the way, I only asked you for the sake of formality.”

The albino frowned at the remark after reviewing the entire conversation he missed. “You might as well have forgone the pretense of being polite, Ouma-kun. Go use your smartphone instead. After all, it’s still a machine which can also take photos.”

“Whaaat? No way! It has to be you, Kiiboy!” Ouma shook the robot by his shoulders, fake tears streaming down his cheeks. “Your flashlight function is way better than a phone’s! And you don’t need to hit a shutter just to take a photo! You’re more useful and convenient than any old smartphone for this!”

Kiibo paused at the unexpected praise. “…You’re just saying that to butter me up.”

“I’m nooot! I don’t just mean your camera function, I also mean your recording device! You can pick up subtle sounds right? Maybe you can pick up the messages of the dead too! That would be so cool! Come on Kiiboy, pleeeeeeease?” Ouma gave the android his best puppy dog eyes. “And didn’t the professor fix your shitty battery usage problem? That makes you even more useful!”

“Well…true…” Kiibo rubbed the back of his head, still a little weirded out from the leader’s behavior. “…Fine, I guess. But only to keep you out of trouble.”

“Yippeeeeee!!!” Ouma released the robot’s shoulders and started jumping around. “You’re the best, Kiiboy!”

“Kiibo-kun is so easy to sway as always,” Yonaga chimed.

“He still has a ways to go,” Hoshi tugged his hat lower. “He’s too soft, which is exactly why Ouma never stops bothering him.”

“That said, who’s going?” Amami asked, turning to look at the others. “I hardly know anything about the school since I’m almost always overseas, so I’m kinda curious about it. I’m going.”

“I will. I can’t help but worry,” Akamatsu raised her hand. “If something goes wrong, having more people around would make it easier to find help.”

“I will too! It would just be like Ghost Hunt! I’m so pumped!” Shirogane bounced in her seat excitedly. “I actually learned some basic warding spells from some monks for my cosplay research. If something does turn up, we won’t be completely helpless!”

“I’ll pass, this is a waste of time,” Harukawa played with one of her pigtails. “Not to mention dangerous. This is just asking for trouble.”

“I’ll pass too, unfortunately! I have to offer a special prayer for Atua tonight. I can’t afford to miss it,” Yonaga squished her cheeks together.

“I’ll go. I would love to do some recording of my own. Maybe I would be able to discover something new to add to the one I already have,” Shinguuji chuckled.

“Hyahaha! I’m cumming alright! I’m gonna take my ghostbusting gear with me!” Iruma grinned. “Ghosts or not, as long as I can test out my babies then it all checks out!”

“Gonta and Toujou-san are still away on a trip. It’s a shame that they can’t go,” the artist sighed. “Everyone seems so lively about the idea!”

“I don’t want to risk my entry in the next Tennis Tournament if I get in trouble for this,” Hoshi murmured. “Take care though. Don’t want any of you getting hurt.”

“That’s sweet of you, Hoshi-kun,” Akamatsu smiled.

“Well I’m not going! Tests of courage are nothing but a sneaky ploy for degenerate men to get handsy with girls!” Chabashira huffed.

“Mmmm…I’m going, I want to test out my exorcism magic I’ve been honing…” Yumeno rubbed her chin with a thoughtful look.

“If Yumeno-san is going then I will too~!!!” Chabashira pumped her fists in the air.

Saihara chewed on his lower lip before nodding to himself. “I’m going too. I’ve never seen its interior before, but I’ve heard rumors that it had plenty of secret rooms.”

“Wh–you too, Shuuichi?!” Momota gaped.

“It’s totally okay if you don’t come, Momota-chan! Just because your bestie is going doesn’t mean you have to. You don’t have to push yourself so hard,” Ouma cooed.

“Why I outta–”

BING! BONG! DING! DONG!

Ouma said nothing but smirked at the astronaut as he was literally saved by the bell, much to the other Ultimate’s chagrin. Their homeroom teacher entered a few minutes later, successfully ending their discussion about their plans later.

—————————————————-

“I’ll have you know that I’m leaving as soon as an hour is up,” Kiibo spoke as he carefully avoided stepping on rotten floorboards.

“What? Why?” Ouma stared at his partner in disbelief. “Don’t be such a spoilsport Kiiboy! Live a little!”

“Yes, I want to live, that’s why I do not want to stay here any longer than what’s necessary,” huffed the android. “I don’t want to worry the Professor for staying out too late. Not to mention this entire building is a hazard to everyone.”

“Tsk, fine, whatever. But you better get some good shots of ghosts you hear? I don’t want to leave this school empty handed,” Ouma pouted.

“That’s hardly something I can control, Ouma-kun,” Kiibo sighed.

Before entering the school premises, everyone drew lots for their pairs: Kiibo and Ouma; Shirogane and Shinguuji; Saihara and Yumeno; Chabashira and Iruma; and lastly, Akamatsu and Amami. It turned out that Momota’s evident fear of the supernatural made pairing up easy for everyone. They were all going to enter the school in that order, but they were free to explore any of the academy’s floors.

“Still, this really is a big school,” the android said with awe.

“Mmhm! It has tons of stuff in it. A church, a dormitory, clubrooms–” Ouma looked around the area, taking note of tattered and worn school festival fliers still posted on the cracked walls. “The land the property was on is really big, they were going to tear the school down and build a new mall.”

Kiibo looked at the fliers with dismay, “That’s…a bit of a shame. To have a place so full of memories get torn down for something like this.”

“Yeah. But time waits for no one. Money makes the modern world go round. Something abstract like memories don’t have economic value,” Ouma frowned, but eventually relaxed. “Anyway, detected any ghosts yet?”

Kiibo reviewed his memories and shook his head. “Sorry, still nothing.”

“Gahhh that’s so lame. How about we take the other way around?” Ouma huffed.

“N-NGAAAAAH! WHAT IS THAT? A ZOMBIE?!”

“Yumeno-san calm down! That’s just an old human-body model!”

“SAIHARA WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YUMENO-SAN?!”

“Quite the loud bunch aren’t they?” the raven-haired Ultimate shook his head. “Maybe that’s why ghosts aren’t showing up. Maybe inviting them wasn’t such a good idea.”

“I think it’s better this way,” Kiibo chuckled. “The more the merrier, as they all say.”

“Nishishi! Maybe so,” Ouma huffed in amusement. “Mm? Hey, have we checked this room before?”

“Hmm…I don’t think so,” Kiibo looked up at the rusty signage above the dislodged door. “The library, huh.”

“Oooh! They probably have valuable books left behind, that’s a nice find. Let’s go in!” Ouma grabbed the android by his wrist, skipping through the doorway.

“Wait, not so fast Ouma-kun! The floor might give out–”

*CRACK*

“Huh?”

“Ouma-kun, hold onto me–!”

The floorboards had collapsed under their combined weight the moment they took their first step inside the old library. Down, down, down, they crashed. How many floors have they gone down exactly? None of them could keep count with both of their eyes shut tight. The only thing Ouma could register was the feeling of falling and strong metal arms wrapped around him protectively.

————————————————————-

CRAAAAAAAASH!

Akamatsu’s head perked up at the loud noise. “Oh no…”

As though reading her mind, Amami pulled out his cellphone and sent everyone a text.

‘Yell out your names if you’re safe. If you’re inside a room, get out so we can hear you.’

The pianist and the survivor nodded at each other before initiating the roll call.

“AKAMATSU KAEDE!”

“AMAMI RANTAROU!”

There was a beat of silence until the next person followed.

“YU-YUMENO HIMIKO!”

“SAIHARA SHUUICHI!”

“IRUMA MIU!”

“CHABASHIRA TENKO!!!”

“SHINGUUJI KOREKIYO!”

“SHIROGANE TSUMUGI!”

Silence followed.

“That can’t be right…where’s Ouma-kun and Kiibo-kun?” Akamatsu’s forehead creased with worry.

“That could only mean that they were the ones who crashed. We better look for them fast, they’re probably hurt,” Amami hastily tapped another message, telling everyone to meet up at the entrance hall. “Let’s go.”

“Okay.”

Akamatsu and Amami carefully proceeded towards the meeting place, mindful of their footsteps now more than ever. Shirogane and Shinguuji arrived at the designated place before everyone else, followed by them, and the others arrived shortly after.

“Ouma’s probably messing with us again,” Iruma scoffed, tapping her finger against her arm.

“I agree! What if he didn’t do his roll call on purpose to spook everyone after destroying part of the school!” Chabashira nodded.

“I don’t think Ouma-kun would do anything to risk his own safety,” Saihara murmured. “Not to mention, Kiibo-kun was with him.”

“Correct! Even if Ouma-kun decided not to do roll call, Kiibo-kun still would have done it himself,” Akamatsu’s brows furrowed in concentration. “Was anyone near the crash?”

“I was on the first floor with Shinguuji-kun,” Shirogane raised a hand. “We heard something crash nearby but we didn’t see anyone at all. If Kiibo-kun and Ouma-kun did fall…shouldn’t we be able to find them on this floor?”

“That’s a good point.” Amami rubbed his chin. “How close were you to the crash, exactly?”

“Not very close, but I can pinpoint us to its general direction,” Shinguuji raised a hand.

“Alright. Everybody stay close. We can’t have anyone else getting hurt,” Akamatsu took a deep breath and slapped her cheeks. “No use panicking! Focus, focus!”

“Shouldn’t we call the fire department for help?” Saihara asked.

“But what if they were taken by ghosts? No one would believe our story!” Yumeno interjected.

“Shh! Everyone focus!” Shirogane turned to look at the others. “Now’s not the time to entertain thoughts like that. We need to try looking for them first before calling the fire department.”

“I’m on board for that. We practically broke some rules just entering this shithole,” Iruma flipped her hair.

“We’re here. I’m not sure of the specific source of the sound, but it should be around here,” the anthropologist proceeded to tie his hair in a neat ponytail.

“Okay, let’s split the rooms among ourselves. Got it?” Akamatsu regarded her friends with a look of determination.

“Got it!”

Their search didn’t end up being completely fruitless when Saihara managed to locate a hole in the infirmary’s flooring. But that very same discovery led them to their next problem. If there was a hole on the flooring of the first floor…then where does it lead to exactly? They were met with darkness even after flashing their lights on the hole. Ouma and Kiibo should have landed on the first floor if not any of the floors just above them.

“This is a big problem.” Amami concluded.

————————————————————

“Ouma-kun. Ouma-kun, wake up.”

Ouma hissed in pain as he shifted to his side. “O-oww…what–what happened?”

“The floorboards collapsed from under us and we fell a couple of floors down,” Kiibo replied, helping the supreme leader sit up. “Take it easy, you have a slight head injury and a twisted ankle.”

Ouma instantly raised a hand to touch his head, only to feel his scarf wrapped around his head. “What floor are we on, exactly?”

Kiibo pursed his lips. “…We would be in the equivalent of the basement floor. I reviewed my memories and we already went past the first floor by a couple of levels.”

“The basement level? The map didn’t have anything like that at all,” Ouma withered in pain, resting his weight on the robot.

“That’s what I thought too. This was probably one of the secret rooms Saihara-kun meant,” the albino paused to point at the spot across them. “…Though judging by the look of those rusted iron bars…we’re actually inside an underground dungeon.”

“If it weren’t for the fact that I’m in pain and we’re currently stuck, I would have thought that this was cool,” Ouma groaned. “Tch. There’s no use texting the others, there’s no way there could be reception in a place like this.”

“…I’m sorry, Ouma-kun.” Kiibo looked down.

The supreme leader raised a brow. “For what?”

“If only I had the ability to fly, I could have gotten us out of this mess right away,” the android explained. “I don’t have the strength to carry you out of this room either.”

“You could have just explored the area, searched for the exit and then come back for me afterwards,” Ouma huffed.

Kiibo shook his head. “That’s a risky idea. I don’t want to leave you alone during a crisis like this. What if more of the school gives out? If I left, there’s a big chance that we’d be separated by debris and only one of us could get out.”

“That’s…true. Heh. I guess my head isn’t working as well as I hoped right now,” Ouma chuckled half-heartedly. “I’m…sorry too. I got us into this mess in the first place. I wasn’t being careful earlier, so we fell. We’re more or less even.”

Kiibo was taken aback by the sincere apology, but did not dare to comment on it. They couldn’t exactly afford to bicker during an emergency like this one. It was clear that Ouma was too hurt to put up his usual mischievous demeanor, too.

“I’m glad you were my partner.”

“Huh?” the albino stared at his companion in confusion.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Ouma huffed as he slowly sank into a lying down position, resting his head on the robot’s cool lap. “If I had fallen with anybody else in our group, one of us would have already died; or worse, both of us would have just died and rotted together with this school. Look at you. It was a nasty fall, but all you have are scratches. You really are something, huh.” He grinned up at the albino.

Kiibo chewed on his bottom lip, a little embarrassed from the praise. “I don’t mean this in an offensive way, but–”

“Go ahead and say it.”

“Okay.” The albino took a deep breath. “Ouma-kun, did you rig the pairing lots so that I would be paired up with you? You did point out all of the convenient tools and functions I had for your exploration idea…”

Ouma simply chuckled in response. “You probably won’t believe me, but that was all luck. I never really cared about who you get paired up with, I just wanted the ghost pics.”

“I see…I thought just as much,” Kiibo nodded along. “I wonder if…the others are looking for us right now.”

“They are. You’re with me after all. If it were just me alone, they probably would have just left me behind,” Ouma sighed nonchalantly. “Then again if I were alone, I’d already be dead. Nishishi!”

Kiibo frowned. “Even if you were alone, we would still look for you, regardless of whether you’re dead or alive.”

“And what makes you say that, Kiiboy?”

“We’re friends, Ouma-kun. If such an obvious answer wasn’t clear to you, then you probably need to rest as much as you can right now,” the robot’s frown eased after finishing his sentence.

“Heh…I guess I can do that,” the raven-haired Ultimate shifted in his position a little, careful not to aggravate his aching leg as he did so. “I don’t wanna sleep in a shithole like this though, so you and I are going to be talking for quite a while until we get rescued.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Kiibo smiled.

Being stuck in a very deep hole was probably the worst time to start getting to know a person more. But since that person is Ouma, a crazy situation like this is probably the only thing that could get him to talk sincerely. From his love for shounen manga to his hobbies, these were all things Kiibo had hoped to learn from the supreme leader at school and not in some hidden dungeon.

“Kiiboy, can I level with you for a moment?”

“Isn’t that what we’ve been doing for a while now?” Kiibo lifted a brow.

“Just shut up and listen to me,” huffed the other teen.

“Alright, sorry.”

Ouma released a sigh before speaking. “…I honestly think I’m going to die here. But even if I die, surely you won’t. That’s why I want you to record something for me.”

“…You mean a will?” Kiibo’s forehead creased with worry.

“Haha! Not quite,” Ouma shook his head. “Just some things I wished I was able to tell everyone before we both got into this mess. A confession of some sort.”

“Ouma-kun…”

“I want you to show it to everyone in the worst case scenario,” Ouma continued. “But if I ever survive this, whatever I’m going to say is going to be just between you and me. Understand?”

“Y…yes, I understand,” Kiibo nodded, though his worry was still very much present on his face.

“I’ll start now, ready?”

“I’m ready.”

“Then I guess I should start about my parents…”

——————————————————————-

It had already been more or less two hours since Kiibo and Ouma crashed. The firemen struggled with trying to figure out how to pull them out from such a deep and dark pit. The realization that their two classmates had fallen lower than what they had expected brought chills down their spine. It took the firemen another hour to finally be able to rescue the missing Ultimates, much to everyone’s relief.

The EMTs carefully strapped Ouma to a stretcher and ushered him into the ambulance so they could take a better look at his wounds. Everyone then got off with a heavy scolding both from the rescuers and their respective parents for doing something dangerous without even contacting an adult. Though for Kiibo’s case, he was praised right after for his quick thinking during the emergency, otherwise the supreme leader would have been in a critical state.

“I hope you all learned a valuable lesson from this experience,” a fireman huffed.

“Yes, sir…” the teens all responded in unison.

“Let’s go home and get you fixed,” Iidabashi gave his son’s hair a ruffle. “Also cleaned up, you’re terribly dirty.”

Kiibo’s gaze lingered at the ambulance before turning to look at his father. “…Okay.”

The premises of Saishuu Academy was completely locked down the next day in light of the incident during the previous night. Both Kiibo and Ouma were sought after by the Newspaper Club, determined to secure an exclusive interview from them regarding their experience of being trapped. Unfortunately for Ouma, his twisted ankle prohibited him from escaping their pesky advances. And just as unfortunately for Kiibo, he still had the stamina of a senior citizen, but his father did improve his strength in order to assist him in emergencies.

“Ouma-kun, may I speak with you for a moment?”

It took Kiibo about two weeks before he could muster the courage to talk to the raven-haired Ultimate. They had to keep a facade that things were back to normal after all.

“Depends on what you wanna talk about,” Ouma leaned against his chair. “If it’s about that then no. I don’t want to hear anything about that stupid school anymore.”

Kiibo shook his head. “It’s…kind of related, but it’s not about the incident.” He pulled out photos from one of his pockets. “I thought that maybe…you needed to see this.”

Ouma lifted a brow, curious, as he accepted the photos.

The android shifted in his place. He specifically chose to speak to Ouma today since everyone was out eating at the cafeteria and the supreme leader had slipped away from the group not completely unnoticed. It was the only chance where they’ll have some form of privacy during school hours.

“UWAAAH! WHAT THE HECK! THAT’S SO CREEPY!!!” Ouma shuffled out of his seat in a panic, haphazardly throwing the photos on the table.

“…You did say you wanted photos,” Kiibo murmured as he picked the photos up. It was a photo of his memory during the incident; specifically the time right after they landed in the hidden dungeon. For a brief moment, he had caught a glimpse of a woman cradling Ouma–she disappeared as soon as he blinked though. That was why he wasn’t able to record her face in high definition.

“Y-yeah! But not when it involved me!” Ouma pointed an accusatory finger at the photos in the albino’s hand. “Have an exorcist burn it!”

“But Ouma-kun…” Kiibo shuffled through the different photos and picked one out to show the other Ultimate. “I think…it’s your mother.”

Ouma’s eyes visibly widened at the photo. It wasn’t taken inside the dungeon, no, the setting was entirely different. In fact, it was right when Ouma got brought inside the ambulance. A translucent woman stood waiting outside of the ambulance. Thanks to the lighting, her face was properly recorded. Even more so when she was looking right at Kiibo, giving him a wave. 

Jet black hair, soft, lilac eyes…

Her features alone were a dead giveaway that she couldn’t be anyone else but Ouma’s mother. 

Ouma shakingly took the photo from the android, this time staring at it with awe instead of fear. “…It’s really her…”

“Yes. That’s why I thought that you needed to see this,” Kiibo scratched at his cheek nervously. “…Do you really want to have these burned?”

Ouma let slip a sincere smile, “…Maybe not.”

Kiibo perked up, pleased to be able to make him smile.

Bonus:

“I’m only keeping this one. Buuut—!” Ouma snatched the photo of the hidden dungeon and showed it to the android. “You definitely have to show this to Momota-chan!”

Kiibo shook his head, “I don’t see why you need to–”

“Show me what?” both Ultimates turned their heads to face the astronaut.

The android paled at the very sight of the grin that took over the supreme leader’s face.

“Kiibo showed me this really cute photo he took on the way to school! And I thought you’d like it too!” Ouma chimed, slightly limping his way towards the taller Ultimate to hand him the photo.

“Momota-kun, wait–!”

Alas, Kiibo’s words fell on deaf ears.

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!”

“Nishishi! So ghosts, am I right~?”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, OUMA!!!”

———————

If you’re wondering why I never explained what those memories were…that’s because Ouma survived. Kiibo’s not obligated to show you what it was.

[mochidrabbles]

Sally Face Ghost AU

An AU in which the main cast are ghosts living in the apartments. Everyone is happy there are no tears.

Inspired by chats on the discord 👀

Sal is actually a super nice ghost to have around. If you’re not looking for him you honestly won’t even notice him; maybe something isn’t where you thought you put it, or you see flashes in the corner of your eye sometimes, but otherwise he’s pretty discrete. He’s a little shy, cautious and can be slow to come out but if you’ve been living in the apartment he inhabits for a while and call on him, he’ll probably show himself. In the beginning he’s pretty shy, but if you’re nice to him and make it clear that you’re not going to try to get rid of him he can actually be pretty friendly. Still, he mostly leaves you to your privacy if you don’t seek him out. Incredibly considerate, though, he will help you out if you’ve become friends: you might find a warm cup of tea or coffee waiting for you after a long day, an encouraging note on the table, helpfully little reminders scrawled out or things you thought you’d lost sitting in obvious places… little things like that. When he’s not hanging around the apartment Sal is often either in the basement or treehouse with Larry (who sometimes convinces him to pull pranks with him) or playing with Megan. Seeing as Stacy can be so reclusive and Luke is gone, Sal tries to keep her company as much as he can.

Larry is gonna clown on you all the time. He’s not malevolent and he won't hurt anyone, but he definitely likes to pull pranks: opening the bathroom door on you, moving all of your furniture a couple inches to the left, moving the remote around every time you get up while you’re watching a movie… harmless things mostly. He’s super cautious about revealing himself and he’ll only come out in one of two situations: he likes you and you’re calling for him, or you catch him doing something (like you come back early and see your TV remote floating around. In the second case he’ll apologize for startling you but try to calm you down so you don’t try to exorcise him or something. Definitely the kind of ghost to get bored at 3am and start telling you shit puns once you’ve befriended him. If you’re chill with it he’ll totally want to watch TV and play your video games when you’re not using them. Generally he comes when you call, but if he’s in a bad mood there’s no getting him out. Mostly Larry sticks around, but sometimes he does like to visit Sal, Todd and Ashley.

Ashley is incredibly reclusive. She doesn’t have much interest in the living and tends to ignore you when you call. If you want to see her you’ll have to catch her interest somehow; befriending her friends or taking interest in artistic pursuits, like painting or photography, will probably draw her to you some. She has passive interactions with the living but seldom active ones, meaning she might move your things around (largely by accident as she’ll just forget to put something back when she grabbed it) or she might stop Larry from pulling a particularly stupid prank on his tenant but she doesn’t usually show herself or talk. That being said, if you did catch her interest and try to speak to her she might decide to show herself. Generally conversations initiated by you are the most of your interactions but, on rare occasions if you’re close and you seem to be going through a hard time she might leave you a little note with a small painting or drawing to try to cheer you up. Most of Ash’s time is spent either on the roof (she likes the view) or with the other ghosts so she’s actually not in the apartment that often.

Todd isn’t quite as reclusive as Ash, but he’s definitely a little pickier than Larry or Sal. If someone has interest in the paranormal and tries to reach him he’ll probably come out (assuming he believes it’s safe to do so) the first time as to help them with their paranormal studies and forming their beliefs on the paranormal but beyond that he’s a little wishy-washy. He only shows himself when he feels like it, and if he’s not overly fond of the tenant he wont at all. Even in death Todd keeps his love of technology and he tends to possess your stuff; computer, game consoles, ect. Usually he waits until you’re not using them but no promises; if your cursor suddenly starts going wild, or one of your opponents in Mario Kart is 100x harder all of a sudden it’s definitely Todd. It can be annoying, but on the bright side he will fix any tech issues you’re having for you and will stop you from doing dumb shit that’ll mess up your computer because he actually can’t stand to watch. If you befriend Todd he tends to show up randomly too - you might just find him sitting on your couch when you come back to the bathroom - he definitely does it to spook you. Also plays video games with you when he feels like it, if you’re ok with him doing so. He wins every time and you insist that he must be cheating with his spooky tech ghost powers but he always says it’s just skill (it’s actually both.) Todd spends almost all of his time in the apartment surfing the web, but if he’s not doing that he’s more than likely experimenting with his abilities and limitations as a ghost. He wants to take in as much information and knowledge about it as he can. Every time he makes a new discovery he’ll share it with his friends.

[fuckyeahnightmares]

my room is haunted

asthate submitted:

Since I was a child, I was always scared of being alone in my room. I never slept alone. I always had nightmares, night terrors and just general feelings of fear. My parents never understood why, but I always slept with them or I made my mom come and sleep with me. Every single night spent in my room led to nightmares. It never stopped. It started when I was 4. It’s been 12 years. Every single night I have really disturbing nightmares. I remember the very first nightmare, the one that started it all : I was all alone in my apartment because my mom was at the hospital and my dad was buying groceries, and I would start to panic and try to open the door but it was closed (even though it’s the kind of door you can always open from the inside) and I would cry as a horrible man would get out of the TV, hold me and say “I’m here, I will never leave so don’t you dare leave me”. He didn’t lie. He never left me and he was involved in most of my nightmares.

I saw therapists, psychiatrists and all kind of doctors, trying to solve the problem I had with sleep. I always believed that the problem came from me. Spoiler : nothing solved the problems. Nothing stopped the nightmares. I just got used to it. I started sleeping alone at 12. The feelings of fear, of being watched and the nightmares just became part of my daily life. Just like the coldness of my room, the hands that would grab me in my sleep and in the middle of the day, and the corner besides my closet that felt like it was never empty. I always thought that I was just paranoid, that I was watching too many scary movies and that my imagination was too wild. Then I noticed that when I slept in other rooms, other houses, I never had nightmares or anything like that. For exemple, right now I am in vacation and I haven’t had a single nightmare since I got here. Then the phenomenon got worse : as soon as I closed my eyes, when I was wide awake in the middle of the day, I would think about a hanged man. I would just see him but it was like someone was forcing me to think about him. I started to hear voices. I got strangled in my sleep once : I felt someone trying to strangle me but no one was there ! I thought I was going crazy but the marks on my pale neck started to make me think that something really was wrong. One time, I was hinding my plate of food in my closet, pretending I was going to eat it in my room (I had some problems with food at that time). I went to the bathroom, came back and the plate was turned upside down and the food was splattered on the walls. And I started to think “maybe nothing is wrong with me. maybe there’s really… something in my room”. so I talked to my mom even though I didn’t want to scare her, but I thought that if there is really something weird going on, she might get hurt because she has a really weak health and she is the most vulnerable person in the house and she lived a lot of paranormal things. So she got scared but she also told me “I always felt something evil in your room but I didn’t want to scare you. I thought I was just being paranoid.” My big brother also told me several times that he hated my room, and he didn’t want to stay more that 5 minutes in it. One time I had a friend over for the night and she didn’t want to sleep in my room, she said to me “I feel weird. Like someone’s watching me.” but she ended up sleeping in my room because she had no choice. But she woke up in the middle of the night, panting and with wet cheeks, and she asked if she could sleep in my bed with me. I let her in and asked her why, she said “I had the worst nightmare of my entire life” but when I asked her about it she didn’t want to tell more. To this day, she refuses to talk about it. I can understand her : the nightmares I usually have are really, really gross, unsettling, disturbing. More than any classic nightmare, but I just got used to it. Things kept getting worse. Everytime I spent too much time in my room, I was evil. I would scream at my parents, tell them horrible things and make them cry. I would tell my mother “you’re a horrible mother”, she would cry and I would think “why did I even say that ? that’s not even true”. And the phenomenon expended to the whole apartment : it was not just my room anymore. One time I was with her in the apartment, it was around midnight and we were watching TV. My dad was not here because he was at the mosque for a late night prayer. We heard three knocks on the door. I went to open the door, thinking it was my dad but everythink was dark and there was no one on the other side. I said to my mom that it must’ve been the wind. Then someone knocked on the door again. But this time it was really violent, it was like someone was kicking the door. I saw that my mom was started to get scared and since she is very anxious and has heart problems, I told her to stay in her room and I went to open the door. At this point I was not even scared, just pissed off so I open the door and, no one. I lied to my mom and told her that it was just stupid kids playing a prank on us. But I told her the truth two weeks later. One time my dad got in a big rage and started yelling at the apartment. He said that he was sick of this apartment, that he wanted to move out, that he couldn’t stand anything about it. My mom and I agreed with him and he looked at us and there was this moment when everyone just understood. We needed to move out. That’s just 1/10th of the story : I didn’t mention the random screams we heard coming from my room, the big noises, my dad who got kicked on the floor while he prayed and a lot of other stuff. Now we are actively looking for a house and I am just hoping our future house will be, well, ghost-free. I’m sorry if I made any mistakes but English is not my first language, I’m French. If anyone had similar experiences they can talk to me, or even if they are just interested.

James: 8/10 That must have been one hell of a lease. I hope you guys did move out. Thanks for sharing the scares!

[wingsy-keeper-of-songs]

I want to be real here with ya’ll. And this is going to get into some hella personal territory here, so brace yourselves.

I am autistic. I was diagnosed back in 2009 when the diagnosis was known as Asperger’s Syndrome or high-functioning autism (which some autistic folks don’t particularly care for, but to each their own) and it has profoundly affected my life in a majority of ways. I know this site is super proud of autism acceptance and that’s awesome to see, but I feel like some folks just don’t seem to grasp how much of a pain in the ass this disorder can be. Just by definition of the disorder we have trouble with socializing and communication which is the core fundamentals of human interaction. When we misunderstand something in a social situation or we aren’t able to communicate our needs or read people’s emotions and moods, we’re the ones who suffer for it. We’re seen as weird or overtly emotional or burdens on our family. And there are a lot of awesome groups out there who are super helpful resources for autistic folks, but I wonder if people really understand just how isolating this disorder really is.

I spent all 12 of my educational years attempting to make friends the way “normal” kids would, but I never really understood what made me weird in the first place or why no one wanted to be my friend. I found a few like-minded people in my later years and we’ve established long friendships and I am forever grateful to have them in my life, but at the time it felt that no one liked or understood me. I was ostracized at school for my version of stimming which was sucking my thumb. It was a comfort to me and it made me feel better, but when a 10 year old is sucking her thumb, people tend to keep their distance due to germs or being weirded out by the behavior or whatever. I had to kick the habit and lost my security blanket. I also faced problems at home in communicating with my parents who weren’t aware of my disorder or what it meant until 2009 when I was just entering high school. My father was raised in a physically and emotionally abusive household and he never sought help for his trauma. Naturally, it manifested into my own abuse which was more emotional than physical. I was the kid who screwed up, I was the kid who did everything wrong. I got so much negative attention that my two younger sisters learned when to make themselves scarce when Dad was on the warpath. One of them even grew to resent that I had so much attention from my parents despite it being wholly negative. “At least they pay attention to you,” was her argument. “I might as well not even exist.” I should note that I in no way have any resentment towards her for feeling this way. After all, I was one of her biggest bullies because I had no way to express my own anger and pain to anyone who would listen because I didn’t understand it myself. And so, I would take it out on her because she looked and acted the same way the kids who hurt me so badly at school did. It was unfair and it is no excuse and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for it. My mother did her best to play the mediator between fights, but no mother should have to choose between her daughter and her husband. And she had her own issues as well being from a neglectful family who put more interest into her elder siblings instead of her. So she and my sister could commiserate, but who could I talk to and confide in besides my therapist?

I sought happiness and stability in both music and acting later on in life, but I was never functional enough to leave my house and my parents. As soon as my sisters turned 18, they managed to snag jobs and left. My youngest sister even moved states and is now in Washington and going to school for computer sciences while the one I bullied for most of my childhood is a bartender at a local sports bar. Both of them live independently and have well-paying jobs that they’ve kept for longer than six months while I flit from job to job like a little girl picking petals from a daisy. I got my first taste of happiness when I applied for the Disney College Program last year and by some stroke of luck (I had been trying for five years to get in) I managed to get enrolled. It was the happiest I’d been in years. But it didn’t last. I lived in a place where it was cold and dry and I was not used to any kind of heat and my internship started in the hottest month of the year in Florida and I was not prepared for it. I was hospitalized for heat exhaustion after about a month. I also was made aware that my strangeness and my abnormal behaviors such as going for walks late at night and talking in my sleep would be cause for concern among my roommates. They had apparently phoned Housing and lodged several complaints about my behavior and how I made them uncomfortable. Before I was called to work, I was called into Housing and I disclosed my diagnosis, hoping it would clear up any discomforts my roommates may have had. I thought we all liked each other as they never seemed to be wary of me and had invited me a few places before. I was very wrong. I was moved to a new housing complex and required to start again which I did for a week until that complex as well lodged complaints about my behavior. This time it was due to my inappropriate and dark sense of humor. I was told by Housing that one of my roommates had listened to me laughing while I watched a paranormal documentary or a documentary on serial killers. I wasn’t laughing at the subject matter, I was laughing at the hosts I attempted to explain through confused tears. I didn’t think things like murder and demonic activity were funny, I thought the jokes the hosts wee cracking were funny. Again, I had made someone uncomfortable enough to ask me to be removed from the complex. My third set of roommates would be my last chance, Housing said. If I made them uncomfortable, I would be removed from the program and would never be able to reapply. I was devastated and hurt, and I made a choice. If I truly was so unbearable to be around, then I had to leave. I’d rather leave of my own accord than be fired for something I couldn’t help. I put in my two weeks, and I came home to Alaska after barely two months of working for the Happiest Place on Earth.

Disney meant the world to me. It always had. My dream was to give someone, anyone the experiences I had when I visited the parks. I wanted to make moments magical for kids or anyone else who felt like the world hated them. When I came to Disney World for my high school graduation, I felt for the first time that it was okay to be myself. These lovely, smiling people accepted me for who I was and made those two weeks the best of my life. I wanted to do what they did and give another little girl that same experience. And now here I am afterwards, lost and confused with a shattered dream and no directions. 

I came home to a disappointed family who, according to my grandmother, were finally able to get along while I was away. While I was gone, they hardly fought at all. My mom told me that she was worried every day, sure, but at least she wasn’t fighting with my dad about the way he treated me. My dad was finally proud of me for the first time in my life. And after I came home, I sank lower than I ever sank before. I became a presence in their lives again. I became the burden that Autism Moms are so worried about when they aren’t vaccinating their children. And now my parents fight again. The sister I bullied in childhood told me that I wouldn’t amount to anything because I never try hard enough when we fought because I was so worried about getting people nice presents for Christmas. My grandmother said that I’d rather stay at home and live off my parents like a parasite than get a job just like the other poor people she knew. I recognize that my sister didn’t mean it and that we were fighting, and my grandmother is a product of her time and social class, but that doesn’t make things hurt any less. Then I read about what other “normal” people say about their children with autism, how they were better off dead from a preventable disease, or that they’re a burden on their family because they can’t function correctly and I can’t help but wonder if my family feels the same way. “You don’t know how hard it is to be your parent,” my mom said through tears during a fight. And she’s right. I don’t know. But you don’t understand how hard it is to be where I am and see all these things happening in front of you for other people because they don’t have difficulties communicating. They aren’t missing 70% of human interaction because they can read it. They don’t have to worry about their grandparents judging them for thinking about going on disability. Or maybe they do. I don’t know. What I do know is that when you spend so much time on the outside of things, sometimes you just want to give up. When you’re told how much better it would be if you’d just disappeared one day and never came back to the school playground ever again, you can’t help but agree when you hear it 20 years later from a different person.

I don’t even know where I was going with any of this, and it’s long enough as it is. I’m just tired. 

I’m really, really tired.

[tube-thoughts-blog]

tube thoughts vol. 7

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Rifftrax presents "Cool As Ice" --1991-- *Snow aka Justin Bieber gives Bella Swan goosebumps and crotch-rocket road rash.* 3 stars with riffing or running from zero to 1 star without

"Dumb and Dumber To" ---2014--- *Sloppy seconds.* 2 stars

VH1 --sneak peak-- "Suave Says" --2014-- *A "thrilling" inside look into the post music career, current evangelical motivational speaking venture, and wealthy domestic drama of a one hit wonder pop star from wayback in 1991. Gerardo aka Rico Suave.* 1/2 a star

"That's My Boy" (2012) *Topics like underage student and teacher sexual relationships and incest are dealt with maturely by Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, and Vanilla Ice. Of course not, but this isn't even creatively controversial or riotously raunchy in any remarkable way. It's just another formulaic Adam Sandler movie that hits all the same notes as usual.* either zero stars or 1 star

The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community Tv- -The Comedy Network- (1998) *Bemused, pertubed, fumed. These are just a few of the reactions Tom illicits from anyone not in on the joke.* 2 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of Laughing in the Dark *"Pick the right door, and you'll go free. Pick the wrong door, and there he'll be." He being a cigar puffing, nightmarish, funhouse clown.* 3 stars

"Housebound" ---2014--- *"An active mind in an inactive environment." The Brits make a superbly spooky mystery with dry and subtle humor.* 3 stars

"Chonda Pierce On Her Soapbox" (1999) *Folksy entertainment variety and jubilee from a real life Peggy Hill.* 1 star

Buckmasters -Young Bucks- "The Misadventures of Bubba" (1992) *Near fatal hunting accidents hilarity with a Jim Varney caricature.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

"Dancing Outlaw, Jesco White" (1991) & Jesco Goes to Hollywood (1994) *''Sorrow, hatred, and madness. '' "If you wanna get to heaven, you got to raise a little hell."* Heaven for Jesco is dancing at Elvis' star on the Hollywood walk of fame and guest starring on Roseanne or huffing fumes.*        3 stars

Fargo: The Crocodile's Dilemma *"What's the policy? See, I'm sort of a student of institutions." Billy Bob Thornton can play indifferent malice like no other.* 3 stars

15 Storeys High: The Sofa *Lord Snooty's couch, club card, co-opting of other people's conundrums, and crisis 'cause he can't stand to be cuddled.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

12:01 Beyond-- Christmas Special 2014 -------------------------------

*World Friendship Society - Please Just Go (music video)* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Le Passage (movie trailer): More badass than Home Alone and Rambo.*          3 stars

*Lobo for the charity "Socks for Tots" gently used socks for children at Christmas at the North Pole. Lonely odd socks for lonely odd kids.* 2 1/2 stars

*Ninja, the Mission Force: "Clam chowder can only mean a ninja challenge."*     2 1/2 stars

*Lobo argues the Holiday Blues with his potted plant, Ms. Mittens.*         between 2 & 2 1/2 *

*Fleischer Studios - Superman - The Arctic Giant: A kaiju nearly destroys Metropolis and swallows Lois whole.* 3 stars

*Treevenge: sentient x-mas trees turn the tables on crass Christmas celebrations and begin tearing the merry folk to shreds.* 3 stars

*Lobo fills holiday stockings full of leftover Halloween Candy.* 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo meets Ro-Man the Robot Monster from the 1950s B sci fi movie, at the north pole, and suggests he kidnap Santa Claus.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*Reverse Pharmacology: Incredibly hilarious imagined symptoms of a placebo taken by medical test subjects under lab conditions.* close to 3 stars

*Pueblo Sleep Solutions presents 'The Bedtime Bruiser' (commercial)*               2 1/2 stars

*Don't Open Till Christmas (movie): Scotland Yard is on the case of serial slayings of Santas.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo gets an 8 track player for X Mas* 2 stars

*The Lobo (DC Comics character, not the guy from the 12:01 skits) Paramilitary Christmas Special: The Easter Bunny hires the meanest bounty hunter in the galaxy to hunt down and take out the fat man and his elves.* 3 stars

*Sleigh Runner: The Communist tradition of Christmas is put to an end by a Eastern European Rob Zombie lookalike cowboy killer.* 2 1/2 stars

*Happy Holidays to all the fans of the New Mission Impossible (tv series).*          3 stars

*"This Christmas forget milk and cookies. He wants blood." TWo Front Teeth (low budget movie trailer). The elves in this flick look pretty nightmarish and the characters, especially the black cowboy, look interesting. Interest peaked.* 3 stars

*Republic Pictures Serial -The Crimson Ghost- Chapter 3- The Fatal Sacrifice:  The Crimson Ghost's hideous high wire act.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*The metal band HEMI perform the song Dust to Dust live in a club.*           close to 3 stars

*Neon Harbor presents Space Ninja the animated movie: A cyber dystopia mixed with feudal Japan. technology and swordplay eyecandy-gorgeous must see for me.* 3 stars

*Ro-Man mistakenly beheads Santa for Lobo who claims no responsibility for the death of the mythical character.* 2 1/2 stars

*Action International Home Pictures presents the "Gruesome Holiday shocker." "Elves" starring Grizzly Adams (retro movie trailer)* 3 stars

*Vinegar Syndrome presents on Blu Ray "You Better Watch Out" aka "Christmas Evil": And they've added a beautifully twisted painted portrait of the movie's tragic hero on the box art.* 3 stars

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tales from the Crypt: The Ventriloquist's Dummy *Pathetic weirdo and hack ventriloquist comedian Bobcat Goldthwait's idol Don Rickles isn't really a retired, bitter legend of ventriloquism. He's actually a prisoner of his own responsibility to keep his beautiful-woman-hating, conjoined twin freak brother from ever killing again.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Deadline ----------

*Writing obituaries does seem like the typically morbid Summer job that a Springwood teenager would have.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*Springwood, where suicidal teenagers wish they were dead so that they can be reunited with their ghost bff(s) and douchebag, ponytailed dreamlovers.*      2 stars

---------------------------------------------

Red Shoe Diaries: Safe Sex *A smooth talker brings a sad, vulnerable business professional lady in out of the rain, and she still makes him wear a raincoat in bed. So, so, softcore stories sent in to a personal ad's post office box and then picked up and retold by shadowy anywhere North America David Duchovny character, which is nice trimming for the show, but damn is the sensitive lite soul torch singing background music awful. I prefer a cheesy, solo saxophone over this -Lifetime For Women lyrics- boner killing tripe.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Brian De Palma's "The Black Dahlia" (2006) *I'm a sucker for Los Angeles noir settings, slaughtered pretty girls like Laura Palmer, and conspiracy art like Alan Moore's From Hell.* 2 1/2 stars

Transparent: season 1 -episode 1 *Three self absorbed siblings can't see past themeselves enough to be aware of their father for what he truly is and themselves for what they might actually be. The conservative side of me wants to say that this is more of liberal Hollywood's agenda to undermine traditional America by saying everyone secretly wants and would be happier with an alternative lifestyle. Also, I can't remember the last time I saw so many aesthetically interesting (not exploitive or trying too hard to be sexy) glimpses of comfortable nudity.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Cyrano DeBraniac *"The savage game of sexual attraction" requires all of one's synapses to be firing and it doesn't hurt to have a time and space manipulating genie, who's also sexy, to unzip Einstein's undead brain out of the fourth dimension.*             2 1/2 stars

Thundarr the Barbarian: Den of the Sleeping Demon *A pair of clumsy junior adventurers, and their huge bird friend, help rebury a genetic research monstrosity that was given a high voltage reawakening.*      3 stars

--- Swamp Thing: The Dark Side of the Mirror

*Everyone in this town is so stupid and easily manipulated that Arcane could have probably just walked up to the new determined district attorney, at dinner in a fancy restaurant, and shot him in the head, instead of genetically mutating the musclebound moronic deputy into a Swamp Thing double assassin.

The town formed an extremely enraged mob, in a matter of minutes, and even the longest running protagonist human characteron the show (Jim's mom) is willing to throw her morals aside for blind vengeance.

Thank goodness Jim's brother Will, the new female lead Kari Wuhrer, and Swamp Thing are decent characters.

I'm glad for the upgrade from Jim to Will. Will is a better character and it gives the show more of an adult cast and less of a Timmy fell down the well and needs to be saved, each week, routine.

Still, some of the acting is low quality from the extras.

Feels like they used the stunt man from the fight scenes to do the lines, to save money, when it would have been better to switch him out for a real actor.*

between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

--------------------------------------------------

Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 17 *A wild goose chase for the legendary Mothman. The leader of PRS probably doesn't realize how much he comes off like X Files' Fox Mulder as he keeps repeating the phrase "I want to believe."* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Sentry *"Don't linger in the shadows." It will "rile the bile" about lizard-men living deep within the earth where corporations and shadowy government organizations are storing their darkest secrets. The most daring reporter,ever, of tabloid monster mysteries makes his last (documented) stand down there.* 3 stars

"Room 237" (2012) *"The past doesn't exist." But film historians, and fans, are still dissecting the ghost of Stanley Kubrick and the symbolic filmic events surrounding the almost mythical Overlook Hotel.* 3 stars

Lucio Fulci's "Conquest" (1983) *Cro-Magnon man was ruled by a cruel dominatrix / naked lady performance artist / new-age goddess, along with her band of fanatical furries. That is until Ronnie James Dio & Luke Skywalker changed things. Conquest establishes itself apart from other low budget and dumb sword & sorcery flicks, of the early 1980s, with its dreamlike aesthetic and gore-crazy practical special fx.*   between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Begotten" (1990) *Imagine a super 8mm National Geographic hallucination of twitching, early 20th century mental patients being tortured and abused in the ruins of a 19th century pastoral southern gothic wasteland lurked over by pre-modern-civilization tribal sacrificial rites that are even more hellish and nightmarish than actual pagan practices predating contemporary times. Black mold on the walls of farmhouses with sun peeled paint and holes in the tin roof where the sound of dripping rain and viscus is constant on rusting metal surfaces that lie just beyond open rock quarries crawled over by lepers, in rags, dragging shaved and mutilated Christ-like figures who spew black stigmata from their weeping eyes and mouths.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Taint Misbehavin' *A dying Dan Halen requires the citizens of Dougal County to join him in the paradise of the afterlife. Granny and Early get giddy because they mistakenly believe they're going to a resort town in Tennessee, when they're actually heading for the ancient Egyptian land of the dead.* 2 1/2 stars

Workaholics -2015 Season- --preview trailer-- *Some Comedy Central money went into a 2 minute parody of the new Mad Max movie, popular crime tv shows like Sons of Anarchy, strippers, bullet porn fx, and "cool" explosions.* close to 2 1/2 stars (for the misguided effort)

Hannibal: Apéritif *The mongoose meets the cobra.* 3 stars

Jonny Quest: The House of the Seven Gargoyles *An icy fate for an acrobatic dwarf creeping around a castle posing as a gothic statue and trying to choke his unsuspecting victims.* 3 stars

Dr. Who (4th Doctor - Tom Baker): The Android Invasion *A Benedict Arnold astronaut returns from being lost in space, now brainwashed by aliens carrying a shipment of human replicants and a deadly virus.* 3 stars

Farscape: Jeremiah Crichton *Crichton becomes a castaway on green planet inhabited by a tribal, and somewhat peaceful people, although there is some jealousy when the daughter of the chief becomes smitten with Crichton. After spending part of a cycle looking for Crichton, Rigel and Dargo find him all scruffy and weather beaten. In a Return of the Jedi C3PO twist, Rigel is the tribe's prophesized messiah and the three must save these exiled, forced by forcefield to be primitive people, or else be sacrificed themselves due to stupid politics and a conspiracy of priestly hierarchy.* 3 stars

Bob & Margaret: For Pete's Sake *Bob's brother is a pretentious tv chef, and when he gets a gig in India, Bob and Margaret have to look after his two annoying brats.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Dark Music *The power to control demonic forces, living in the root cellar, lies in the sounds on the radio. A tired of being picked on paperboy uses this knowledge to payback the scummy metal-head bully next door and his mean, little sister.*       3 stars

"The Initiation of Sarah" (1978) *This feels like a hazy 70s tv movie version of Carrie the college years. Two sisters pledge and go through the occult like Greek sorrority ceremonies. The good looking one gets picked by Morgan Fairchild's meangirl sisters and has to be cruel to the other. The timid one has her telepathic powers exploited by a witch wannabe Shelly Winters in the rival plain Jane house complete with a maze backyard.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

---Thrashin'--- (1987) *Square jawed Josh Brolin is too straight laced to be taken seriously by skatepunks in the 80s L.A. skatescene. The leader of a gang of Lost Boys also wants Brolin to stay away from his out of town and just visiting, Idaho pretty tomato younger sister. It hits all the right notes for an 80s extreme sports fun adventure flick.* 2 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Fitting Punishment *A cheapskate ghetto mortician is willing to cut corners no matter the cost to human decency. He embalms using dirty tap water. He buys cheap coffins from China. He clips out the gold and silver teeth of the deceased. He even blames his orphaned nephew for being a financial burden and cripples him, then sells his Air Jordans to pay medical expenses. When that's not enough, he murders him and saws him a foot shorter above the ankles so that he can stuff the boy into a cheap coffin for Chinamen.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Film At Eleven *Llama stolen from the zoo and almost used in a slumland apartment voodoo ceremony. Cops style film crew documenting the precinct. Herman Dracula, alledged wannabe vampire. It's funny until he commits suicide in his private cell. Ballistics confirms that they've found the handgun used in the near fatal shooting of officers Renko & Hill. Relief comes with uncertainty. It's raining in the police station, the roof is leaking and everyone is getting the flu because of it. This show can't help but end on a melancholy note due to all the lingering emotions. Rollercoaster, as usual.* 3 stars

Tru Tv- --South Beach Tow-- --Bernice's Top 20-- *"Best of" countdown of fake reality show beatdowns by an angry black woman?* 1 star

Botched: Vagina Bomb! *The same network (E!) that encourages viewers to idolize trainwreck celebrities and their fake bodies, also exploits sick individuals who've butchered their own bodies in order to achieve that phony Hollywood dream. Of course this show is under the guise of "fixing" plastic surgery mistakes, but the client/patient usually receives even more body enhancements and still looks like a nightmare.* either zero stars or 2 stars

True Detective: The Long Bright Dark *Heathen homicide in a hick shit-haven where if one doesn't parrot the standard beliefs of others, and oddly speaks in a stream of consciousness like Cormac McCarthy, then one's peers tilt their heads and cock their ears like a confused dog in misunderstanding and disbelief.* 3 stars

---- New Year's Movie Marathon ---------------------------------

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Time Runner (1992) *Spoilers, for The Force Awakens, ahead. Be Warned. Years after Return of the Jedi, Luke is having a midlife crisis and skynet is using star destroyers to blow up Los Angeles. So he travels back in time to the Washington Canadian border getting in ugly rental car chases with human looking alien Rae Dawn Chong and gunning down well armed baddies, along side the goofy deputy from Twin Peaks, & watching  their hilarious death throes. All while making sure Senator Palpatine can't prevent Seth Rogen and James Franco from nuking North Korea thirty years in the future. Make sense?* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: 12 To The Moon                      ---plus---                       "Dream to Design" -short- *The woman of the future visits the satellite of love and turns the robots crow and tom servo into kitschy househould appliances. meanwhile, the united nations of nasa proves earth's worthiness to the lunar neighbors.*                     2 1/2 stars with riffing and between 1 1/2 and 2 stars without

Terry Gilliam's "Brazil" *A depressed Da Vinci with his wings clipped by the dulled scissors that society can no longer cut all the red tape with.* 3 stars

Fritz Lang's "Metropolis" *In my life of relative ease, I watch this movie on my cheap consumer electronics provided for me by workers in horrible third world conditions.*           3 stars

"Starry Eyes" (2014) *Ambition. Attrition. Ascension. All the way from Hooters Girl who can't get taken seriously at low-grade movie auditions to transforming into a Hollywood harlot comes at the price of one's soul taken by the Satanists who run the movie industry and helped sanctified with blood and betraying those closest also climbing the ladder.* close to 3 stars

"Messiah of Evil" (1973) *What if, after Thanksgiving, America honored the Donner Party Massacre by having Black Friday be masses of mad people tearing into raw red meat at supermarkets? This flick is like the eerie calm before an apocalypse. Too weird, almost, to describe, and if one tried to, a bug would appear on their tongue and they would cough up insects and lizards.* 3 stars

"Strange Days" (1995) *"Memories were meant to be forgotten. They were designed that way." Let old acquaintance as well. 20 year old predictions about the new century, by James Cameron, are still pretty relevant. Questions about the abuse of police force. Urban upheaval and riots. Voyeurism being a social media (though it's not as seedy as it's imagined in this movie).Things James Cameron got a little off are plenty too. Musicians stopped being, for the most part, political messengers. Trainwreck skank rock queens like Courtney Love aren't nearly as talented as James thinks or as worth going through hell over, but they're still a huge part of the media's obsession. Found footage and virtual reality may just be entertainment fantasy, but the themes in this movie are played out daily on actual viral videos.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Max Headroom: Academy *What if corporations had their own legal systems? What if a death penalty trial was turned into a tv game show? Viewers of the HLN network sort of get to experience this. What if criminal profiles were assigned to innocent people who fit a certain stereotype? Wait a minute....* 3 stars

Joe R. Lansdale's "Cold In July" (2014) *A considerate and well adjusted family man has to stand his ground, on shaky legs, but isn't in the overzealous camp of his hometown neighbors who wanna pat him on the back for it. He never feels right about the incident and his remorse pulls him into a world of Dixie mafia killings, Texas Mexico border crime, and a friendship with a flamboyant and dogged private detective and the deeply burdened man who mistakenly stalked the family man's family when he was wrongly convinced the family man slayed his son in the stand your ground incident. In a bizarre twist, the three men come together to help the deeply burdened man solve his burden of putting down his wayward son who's making snuff films with hookers. It reminds me a lot of William Devane's "Rolling Thunder," another revenge flick with a lot of bitter sorrow and dark themes.*      3 stars

The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community Tv- --The Comedy Network-- (1998) *Tom is an absurdist comedian who can sometimes be traditionally clever in his humor. He drinks purple koolaid with a cult who worship an alien version of Jesus Christ's brother, he ruins an Elvis impersonator street performance and almost gets his ass kicked for it, and he continues to try to prove he's the biggest idiot in the room.* close to 2 1/2 stars

The Prisoner: The Schizoid Man *The Village have number 6 convinced he's twice the man he was using an uncanny double.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: season 3 episode 7 *"People work together when it suits them, they're loyal when it suits 'em, they love when it suits 'em, and they kill when it suits them."* 3 stars

"Under the Skin" (2013) *Scarlet Joe Handsome is an enticing alien, in a black wig and brightly painted lips, driving around Scotland, in a pedo van, indifferently observing all the quiet, everyday human suffering and luring horny, confused men back to her abandoned building / nest / spaceship(?) --where they step sinking into a surreal black pool of liquid.* either 1/2 a star or 2 stars

American Horror Story- -Coven -The Replacements *Sober Santeria. What other show is going to have a pothead, white trash mom molest her patchwork monster, back from the morgue, college boy son? or let a juicy and morbidly obese black virgin finger herself in front of a minotaur? not many spring to mind.* 3 stars

Gargoyles: The Edge *Zanatos uses the steel clan and a Tony Stark type tech gargoyle suit to frame the real gargoyles for the museum heist of 'the eye of Odin,' in order to have the cops chasing them all around town and scare them into coming back under the wings of his 'protection,' which would have the gargoyles inprisoned in a research lab.* 3 stars

Rifftrax - Total Riff Off - Man vs. Monster *"Meeting the channel's factual quota, we now return to the bullshit." Rifftrax skewers another one of those pretentious explorer douchebags, from National Geographic Wild,  that are always trying to turn a simple creature of nature into a tall tale monster.* 3 stars with riffing 1 star without

Son of the Beach: With Sex You Get Eggroll *satire of sex slaves and sex jokes, both smartly done.* 3 stars

Carman -Yo Kidz! -The Vidz *Gnarly Jesus dudes, hip musical kids, and cumbersome cat costumes.* 1 star

Morton Downey Jr.: Cults *A man who once had a cult-like tv audience examines mind control organizations and self-help pseudo-religions.* close to 3 stars

Mel Brooks in "High Anxiety" *Side-splitting neuroses.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Korman's Kalamity *A cartoonist's monstrous creations come to life after years of nagging from an abusive spouse and his recent forced use of an experiment male potency medication.*  2 1/2 stars

"Al-TV" -April Fools Day 1984 *"I could just watch videos all day until my brain turned to mush. Couldn't you?" Weird Al takes over MTV from its bland video disc jockeys and turns the channel into the absurdity it should be.* 3 stars

"Traxx" (1998) *"Be good, be gone, or be dead." Shadoe Stevens is one tough cookie as he parodies every 80s action hero vigilante and western cowboy cliche come to clean up a Troma version of a Texas town in one of the weirdest, left field comedies ever.* 3 stars

Hippies: Protesting Hippies *Simon Pegg tries to spark a Y2K revival of the comedic rebelliousness of The Young Ones with a Britcom That 60s Show.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Northern Exposure: Pilot Episode *A "Jew, New York doctor" finds unspoiled land, wildlife, hell... even people (patients) "just waiting to be fondled" in middle-of-nowhere, Alaska.* 3 stars

X Files: Space *Otherworldy phantom sabotaging shuttle missions. A study on how stifled and subdued the space program has become.* 2 1/2 stars

"Freaks, Nerds, and Weirdos" -MTV (1994) *MTV NEWS looks at Generation X's social outcasts like nerdy hipster college kids, quirky celebrities, and alternative musicians and they talk about their struggles with being different from "the norm." Ironically, the show is framed with commercials featuring beautiful skin care and fashion model young people bragging about how great it is to be one of the in group of the beautiful ones.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Myth of the American Sleepover" (2010) *The last bittersweet days of Summer and the pre-conceived notion of sublimity for a group of suburban teenagers. Indie movies about the adolescent rite of passage to adulthood aren't as fun as exploitation flicks about the same thing, but the delicate and thoughtful manner in which the subject matter is approached allows for more personal reflection for the viewer.* close to 3 stars

Turner Classic Movies: Beneath the Planet of the Apes *Twice as bleak of an ending as the first.* 3 stars

--- "Bates Motel" (1987)

*After spending his youth in the looney bin with Norman Bates as his father figure, Bud Court (Harold & Maude), and a great casting choice, inherits the Bates Motel from the deceased Norman whom he carries around in an urn afterwards.

With the help of a spunky squatter (Lori Petty) and a Morgan Freeman esque handyman, he reopens the falling apart eyesore and deals with the rumors of the place being haunted and the fast moving yuppies of the 80s who wanna exploit the property to keep with the changing and advancing landscape of the times.

Tonally a weird mixture of maudlin and mockingly humorous. Whoda thunk they could take a legacy of a Hitchcock suspense thriller and throw in one those feel good fixing up the place montages, a Happy Days 1950s teen ghosts dance party with a dreamlover angel Jason Bateman, and Scooby Doo villain plot twist?*

either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------

"An Evening With Bobcat Goldthwait, Share The Warmth" (1987) *Bobcat chugs two six-packs of TAB and then proceeds to frighten uncomfortable laughter out of a group of yuppies in a nightclub.* 2 1/2 stars

"Beyond Vaudeville" (1986-90s) *Best of a weird NYC public access variety show with guests and acts like Grandpa Munster, Tiny Tim, "the Edith Bunker of massage," climbing Harpo's ladder with Wavy Gravy, Burt Reynold's fantasy Turkish woman (possible delusional stalker), Greg Brady, the arm and the giant from Twin Peaks, the theme from the Flying Nun on spoons, Rock Around the Clock in Yiddish, an Underdog / Dracula enthusiast / interpretive dancer, and many other pathetic bizarre folk. Sammy Davis who?* 3 stars

Morton Downey Jr.: Central Park Squatters *A heated shouting match between freaks and fascists over the issue of gentrification.* 3 stars

"Scoundrels" (1982) a Cecil Howard adult film *"Life's too fucking short." Ron Jeremy is the long dick, long suffering dad, just like Kevin Spacey, in a sexually frustrated slice of American Pie.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -Murder House- "Rubber Man" *"What is it about being dead that makes me so horny?" Hysterical lady troubles.* close to 3 stars

"The Guest" (2014) *A psychotic super-soldier gone awol and come to roost with the troubled family of a fallen comrade. Pulses like an homage to 80s action movies in the vein of John Carpenter.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Justified: season 1 episode 1 *Bluegrass Helter Skelter.* 3 stars

Chrisley Knows Best: The Great Outdoors *Chrisley reluctantly takes his sons camping at the lake, while wishing he were more like his hero Oprah and scaring his 8 year old with the legend of Jason Vorhees.* 2 stars

Comic Book Men: Ghostbusting at the Stash *Sitting around ye ole podcast table and sharing spooky stories about things like the Jersey Devil.* 1 star

"The White Buffalo" (1977) *Charging out of Hell and into Heaven were men like Wild Bill, Crazy Horse, and Charles Bronson.* 3 stars

Kung Fu, the series: Dark Angel *Words lost, eyes blinded, and riches not found, but, at the same time, roots replanted, senses regained, and faith restored.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Invasion U.S.A. (feature) & A Date with the Family (short) *Rigid dinners with loved ones, or heavy drinking with a group of barflies, is a great opportunity to discuss how every American should do more in their part to combat the Red Menace.* 3 stars with riffing 1 star without

"My Mom's A Werewolf" (1988) *An underappreciated housewife goes to the pet store to get a flea collar for the family dog, and winds up having the mom jeans charmed off of her, and replaced with fur, by a hair-piece wearing lycanthrope (John Saxon).*                2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Black Tickets ------------------

*A young Brad Pitt runs over himself running into himself running away from his problems.* 2 stars

*Having a baby is hellish, even if Brad Pitt is the daddy.*                           between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

---------------------------------------------------

USA Up All Night -with host Rhonda Shear -Valentine's Special -----------------

*Lovers Lovers (feature movie): Neurotic & horny 30 something year old professionals in the city of Angels. It's like a softcore version of Seinfeld.*          2 stars

*Starburst California Raisins style commercial where the Starburst candies get taken to the bad side of town called Twisted Town.* 2 1/2 stars

*The Girls of Paradise (phone sex commercial): 3 stars

*Rhonda hangs out in the honeymoon suite with a amorous bell boy who has chest hairs a plenty.* 3 stars

*Twix commercial parodies the plane crash movie "Alive" in a funny scenario where one guy tricks the other into thinking they're being rescued so that he can have both Twix candy bars to himself.* 3 stars

*Rhonda tries to get a honeymooning and arguing couple's bride out of her hotel room bathroom.* 2 1/2 stars

*Free brochure for TV Parental Ratings guidelines* 3 stars

*"Mel" (taking his name from a PayDay caramel candy bar wrapper) calls up a phone sex hotline to talk to the horny chick about covering her in peanuts and creamy caramel in a funny PayDay commercial.* 3 stars

*"Every day people like me and you are proving why the 'Psychic Solution' is so popular." Obvious payed employees of this phone scam network give false testimonials about their amazing experiences talking to phone psychics.*    either zero or 3 stars

*"Imagine being forced to make love. Now, imagine thousands will die if you dont. Will she? Won't she? Or will she just kick some ass?!" La Femme Nikita preview for an upcoming 1997 episode. Haha.* 3 stars

*Rhonda coaches sweet talk to a dumb husband who gets all her amorous advice lines all wrong.* 3 stars

------------------------------------------------------------------

Weird Science: Magnifico Dad *Mom gets her birthday wish for dad to turn into male supermodel hunk Fabio.* 3 stars

Son of the Beach: Silence of the Clams *"The beach is meant for solitude, not senseless orgying. Cancel Spring Break or else."* 3 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Fortress of Fear *A many eyed wizard wants Ariel as his bride.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Silent Screams *"Eye of the hurricane, listen to yourself turn. World serves its own needs, Dummy, serve your own needs." Arcane is selling eco-terrorism to the highest bidder. First in line to be served, shadowy agents of the U.S. government, and they're willing to sacrifice a small, swamp town to test the effectiveness.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Jonny Quest: The Invisible Monster *Turn off the life light, don't let it shine or else be taken in by the hungering Pac-Man esque ghost of an animated mass of energy. Look out, because it's a one-eyed, giant, purple, people-eater.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Super Specs *Do "They Live" or is it just an April Fool's Day trick of the mind thanks to a phony trick gifts shop's surprisingly effective super specs glasses?*             close to 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Shadow Boxer *A bum fighter uses cursed gloves to separate his dark side from his body and sends the shadow out to stick it to his opponents.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 episode 18 *Penn State freshman lions turn themselves into fraidy cats with the passing around of campus legends and the playing of an ancient Japanese ghost story game called '100 Candles.'* 2 stars

Penny Dreadful: season 1 episode 1 *For a moment, I thought Frankenstein and his monster were going to passionately kiss on the mouth. It was weird.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: season 1 episode 6 *"He eats disease. He likes to be scratched behind the ears. He's horrible, beautiful." 3 stars

The Outer Limits: If These Walls Could Talk *CGI Ryan Reynolds. He's not Green Lantern. He's possibly a 'Casper' or at the very least a molecular anomaly. His mom can't let go of the mystery around his disappearance and his frequenting of a so-called haunted house. She's a paranormal believer. She swears she hears him crying out in the haunted house. She befriends a pyschic phenomena debunker. They get drunk, share their hearbreak over the afterlife or lack thereof. They stir up spirits or at least a cold case crime scene. They  learn about the mystery behind a previous owner who was a reclusive scientist and find his hidden room complete with strange meteor. It ends with them covered in ectoplasmic goo.* 2 1/2 stars

"Father Guido Sarducci Goes to College" (1985) *Vatican City versus Disneyland.* 2 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Mute Witness to Murder *Some enchanted evening, you may meet a stranger. And some enchanted evening, you may witness a brutal murder. That enchanted evening may damage the psyche.* 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: Double Dare *Necessity is the mother of virtue. A business professional lady needs the thrill of an erotic game of show and tell via fax machine dirty messages and flashes of bare flesh across facing office building windows with a sexy stranger, but she can't take it to the next step and cheat on her husband in person.* 2 1/2 stars

"Computer Beach Party" *Weirdly played, and ridiculously overdubbed, dorky sex comedy that maybe comes close to deserving cult status.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Total Riff Off: Animals Behaving Badly *Horny deer. Smoking ape. Rascally raccoon. Pooping cheetah. Shoe humping tortoise. Horny dolphin. Indian woman breastfeeding a calf. Chicago city coyote. rat infanticide, and the classic panda attacking jacket guy.* 3 stars with riffing between 2 and 2 1/2 stars without

"RoadRacers" (1994) a Robert Rodriguez film *David Arquette as a scumbag greaser, James Dean wannabe with Salma Hayek as his main squeeze. Sounds unconvincing, but somehow they pull it off. Also, great tunes from the era of rockabilly, decent villains like the town asshole cop William Sadler, and Deadwood's Saul Starr as the sci fi and sinful thrills obsessed sidekick.*  2 1/2 stars

Richard Linklater's "Boyhood" (2014) *Maybe the best ever use of scripted reality in dramatic entertainment. Following two siblings for over a decade as we watch them grow and deal with their movie parents a psychology student-into-teacher mother (Patricia Arquette) and their sometimes deadbeat other times often extremely caring and liberal-slacker poet papa (Ethan Hawke), along with step siblings, abusive drunk stepfathers, plus all the growing pains and life steps that happen along the way to young adulthood.* 3 stars (for achievement in the portayal of life) or zero stars (for every character being so unlikeable)

--Starz-- --The Missing: episode 1 *A wrenching, quiet, and moody look at the frantic hours around parents dealing with the disappearance of a child and how the effects of that trauma are still haunting them, and others involved with the memory, years later.*         3 stars

American Gothic: Damned If You Don't *Dang ole' tornado of the soul.* 3 stars

"Din of Celestial Birds" (2006) *inherent iniquities* 2 1/2 stars

True Detective: Seeing Things *Pussy, fantasy, illusion, delusion, hallucination, justification, nightmare, and revelation.* 3 stars

X Files: Fallen Angel *Toxic cover up and lies with an official seal.* 2 1/2 stars

"Night Dreams" (1981) xxx *Bound by wild desire, Dorothy LeMay fell into a ring of fire.* 3 stars

--- MTV's True Life: I'm Preparing for the End of the World

*An obese, and (from how he's presented on this docu show) low i.q. suffering, young  father moves his pregnant wife, two young boys, and yummy pet rabbits & chickens to an isolated farm in the mountains.

There he rambles about doomsday scenarios and his family assists in setting up booby traps that are more dangerous to themselves than anyone else.

My advice is to lay off the extra bunny, at dinner, and to not homeschool the kids about the proper way to filter goat piss into a drinkable water alternative, but instead to exercise as a family and to get out in society and work towards not ending up with an apocalypse.

Next, we have two priviledged college twins who are so quirky and idiotic that they jokingly form a two person cult where they bother college campus students and the city's homeless population with their pretend rhetoric.

Low point being when they claim to be getting prepared to raise their consciousness beyond the normal soulless zombie, just before tossing a twenty dollar bill into the air for a group of hungry homeless and junkies to wrestle over.*

1 star

-----------------------------------------------------------

Morton Downey Jr.: Feminism *Mort and feminist lawyer Gloria Allred go toe to toe and almost mouth to mouth with the sexual tension between them (just kidding).* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Television Terror *A t.v. station scores big ratings, when Morton Downey Jr. is murdered, live on the air, while investigating a haunted house.* 3 stars

"Too Young To Die?" (1990) *A trailer trash teen runaway (Juliette Lewis) gets the death penalty for the murder of her soldier guy former lover, thanks to her hick pimp/pusher (Brad Pitt).*  2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -Asylum- "The Coat Hanger" *Forgiving trespasses. Ian McShane almost seems too good for any show after his iconic role in Deadwood, but he finds one here as a blackly humorous and blasphemous sinner/killer in a setting that keeps getting more depraved and strange. Bucket of KFC chicken and skinning victims alive killer mixed piece joke. Priest drowning at a baptism. Priest crucifiction. The dirty history of pre legalized abortions. Cruel head nun gets on the other end of looney torture. A Nazi butcher / mad scientist seeking aliens because he appreciates their eugenic techniques and getting sent his own Mary with a possible alien seed in her belly.* 3 stars

Hannibal: Amuse-Bouche *"It takes one to know one." A human fungus wants understanding.* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: Friends for Dinner *"Another domestic dilemma." Bob and Margaret continue to define themselves different from their rude peers, while still retaining a flawed quality that makes them so relatable to the average person.* close to 3 stars

15 Storeys High: The Model *"If she learns to swim, next thing she'll want to learn to drive." A nutter doesn't want his nude centerfold wife to take swimming lessons. Olives on pizza distaste, and a compulsion to pull any wallpaper off the wall -weirdness. Also, the swimming lessons oath includes everyone but practioners of karate and the pop star Sting.* 3 stars

Hippies: Hairy Hippies *The animals of Aquarius are gonna tear your prick off.* 3 stars

Farscape: Durka Returns *"The difference between a knife attack and life saving surgery." The outer space adjustment bureau can turn anyone they want into an attitude corrected slave.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Deities *When it comes to matters of the spirit, people often forget what it means being human.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Captured Souls *Sometime in the early 90s, the Obamas and their daughter nearly had the life sucked out of them by a mirror-spy-tech mad-science-geezer posing as an ole timey tween boy with a ridiculous hairstyle that was almost as bad as Obama's soul glow mullet of the time.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

American Horror Story --Coven-- "Fearful Pranks Ensue" *supreme sacrifice* close to 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: You Have The Right To Remain Silent *A lady cop kidnaps and forces herself on a strong willed guy who won't show her any attention at the gym. I would have laughed if it were a case of her not having any gay-dar.* close to 2 1/2 stars and 1 1/2 a stars for the safe sex sales pitch

Hill Street Blues: Choice Cut *supermarket standoff with a side of beef.* 2 1/2 stars

Fargo: The Rooster Prince *"Savagery, pure and simple."* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow "Orphans" *The most sympathetic character on the show, Pepper, has a continuation of maybe the most tragic character arc of any character in all of American Horror Story, with a cameo from a character from Asylum.* close to 3 stars

MTV's "Eye Candy" extended peak *Disney channel(?) teen pop idol and now hacker (rolls eyes) in a serial killer stalker show with MTV style "edgy" (crap) aesthetics. The psycho stuffing smartphones in the mouths of victims is unintentionally ludicrous and laughable.* 1 1/2 stars

"Living With Michael Jackson" *"We would wake at dawn and go up in the hot air balloon. I have the footage. It's all very charming and innocent. That's ignorant. Who's the Jack the Ripper in the Room?" Was it exploitive journalist Martin Bashir or delusional Peter Pan wannabe Jacko?* either 3 stars or zero stars

Prime Time Thursday -ABC- Martin Bashir on his Michael Jackson documentary (2003?) *ABC gets a few more nasty kicks in to the wounded weirdo.* 2 stars

The Michael Jackson Interview, The Footage You Were Never Meant To See *--FOX--* (2003)

*"Becareful what you do, because the lie becomes the truth."

Maury Povich pauses from hosting & revealing ghetto / white trash paternity tests to take an investigative behind the scenes footage look at the Martin Bashir documentary on MJ.

An almost propaganda piece trying to repair Jackson's image and justify his strange behavior, but it does shine a light on the deceitful approach of Bashir's manipulative tactics in getting close to Jackson via gaining his trust with comments approving of Michael's generosity and attitudes towards children and Michael's personal life in other ways, and then turning  around and only showing the most sensational things in his "Living With Michael Jackson" documentary.*

2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------------

The Greatest American Hero: pilot episode "UFO Encounter" *The teachers of troubled teens, those are the real heroes. This show has great music, and I don't just mean the cheesy wonderful theme song.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: I Accuse My Parents (feature) & The Truck Farmer (short) *Cultivate, refrigerate, exaggerate, denigrate.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Son of the Beach: In The G-Hetto *"Read my lips, I'm going down there and I'm going to lick your posse, and I'm going to enjoy it."* 2 1/2 stars

Black Sails: season 1 episode 1 *Blackbeard's snatch. Captain Flint's fluoride smile. Long John Silver's sexy good looks. I doubt these third world bandits were really this stylized.*               2 1/2 stars

Fred Olen Ray's "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" (1988) *Heaven for guys who like big tits and Hell for guys who don't like to be chopped into little bits.* 3 stars

Hollywood Hillbillies: Headin' For Hollywood *Another internet infamous sensation extends he and his grandmother's 15 minutes of fame by acting as crass and crazy as possible for the reality tv cameras.* 1 star

TLC presents My Husband's Not Gay *These Latter Day Saint women believe that they have it made, because, with another woman, their husband would never stray. I wonder if the LGBT community would stand up for the rights of the "same sex attracted" who don't act on it for religious reasons, or if... ha... of coure not.* either zero                   or 2 1/2 stars

"Monster" (2003) *A look at someone, on the fringes of life, whose feral impulses sadly couldn't be justified even though she endured a life of inhuman treatment.* 3 stars

Viper: Pilot Movie *Not just a tv show promoting a crime fighting futuristic Dodge motor company concept car, maybe also a question of whether giving career criminals a clean slate of memory is violating their civil rights or not.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

"Midnight Plowboy" xxx (1971) *Welcome To The Jungle as performed by Going To The Country's Canned Heat.* 2 stars

Woops!: pilot episode (1992) *99.999999% of the world's population has died in a fiery hot flash, but a few quirky yuppies survive to yuck it up on a small farm. Cue the laugh track.*        2 stars

X Files: Eve *bloodthirsty replicas* 3 stars

"Nomads" (1986) *Searching too deep beneath the surface of reality, a cultural archaeologist starts being stalked by a skid row spirit-tribe.* close to 3 stars

Manimal: Manimal *Transmutation is not for the faint or feint of heart.* 2 1/2 stars

---- "Tusk" a Kevin Smith film (2014)

*20th century man spent his time doing amazing things, and had tales to tell later.

21st century man spends most of his time talking about ridiculous things.

This time 21st century man accomplishes one of those ridiculous things.

How to go about summing up something like this...

3 stars for the crazy screenplay.

3 stars for the incredible walrus special fx by Robert Kurtzman.

3 stars for Michael Parks' truly demented serial killer / world's most interesting man character.

2 stars for Haley Joel Osment's nerdy twenty something podcast comedy partner.

almost 2 1/2 stars for Justin Long's obnoxious and self absorbed hipster mustached podcast comedian.

3 stars for Justin Long's suffering through hell tortured and experimented on in the most gruesome way possible walrus-man.

1 1/2 stars for all the podcast nonsense.

either zero stars or 3 stars for Johnny Depp's Mike Myers esque eccentric inspector character.

and to finish out the whole whacked out affair, either 1 star or 3 stars for the absurd ending.*

===================================================================

Wizards and Warriors: The Unicorn of Death *Mind over matter. Also, lightning hawks, hawks that shoot lightning.* 3 stars

"Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood" *"One fish two fish red fish blue fish, knick knack paddywhack give a dog a bone, Two thousand zero zero party over oops out of time, my bacon's smelling fine." The Wayans, just off of In Living Color and a handful of blackspoitation movies, take on Boyz in the Hood & Friday with their brand of satire that hadn't quite soured just yet like it would with the Scary Movie series. Somewhat not bad, nowhere as good as say an episode of Chapelle Show, but almost on the level of something like Comedy Central's Key & Peele.* 2 stars                      plus 3 stars for Bernie Mac's cameo speech

Freddy's Nightmares: School Daze ----------

*No more homework, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks. Just robotic students.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Standard Achievement Torture.* 2 1/2 stars

-------------------------------------

"Ben and Arthur" (2002) *I'm sure that everyone involved with this shot-on-video "movie" had their big, gay hearts in the right place, but the results are so oddly misguided that it cursed the gay rights movement and set queer equality back at least a decade.* 1 star

Tales From The Crypt: My Brother's Keeper *Two guys attached at the ass-cheek, now that's freaks. And it's definitely a wild half of the siamese situation if Timothy Stack is the straight laced one.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Cannon Video: Fifty Fifty (1993) *A couple of "in it for the money" mercenaries find a change of heart and purpose, when they're sold out by the U.S. government after initially being hired to train a  ragtag group of villagers to overthrow a cruel dictator.*                 close to 3 stars

Jonny Quest: Double Danger *monkeying around with hallucinagens* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000:  Operation Double 007 *"Terrorists were a lot more fun back then." Thankfully, Sean Connery's brother, Neil, also didn't try to rip off Highlander 2 or Zardoz.* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 stars without

The Prisoner: The General *Blind memorization is a learn-ed way for a slave to show its appreciation to its masters.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 episode 19 *"Balancing faith and science" as the lead investigator questions whether or not he should debunk a crazy lady's haunting experiences.*                           between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: Walk A Mile In My Shoots *Arcane and Swamp Thing trade places.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

American Horror Story: Coven "Burn, Witch, Burn" *Ask me no questions and I'll tell thee no lie. Mama's little baby love shortenin'. Fry fry fry. Febreeze will get the odors out of any room where dead things lie.*   3 stars

American Gothic: Dead to the World *Denial ain't just a river in Bum-Fuck, Egypt.* close to 3 stars

Justified: season 1 episode 2 *Rhythm, romancin', runnin', and rippin' up the floorboards.* 3 stars

"The Census Taker" (1984) *"An outrageous invasion of privacy."* 3 stars

Hannibal: Potage *Manipulation in Maryland, Minnesota, and the media.* 3 stars

X Files: Fire *amorous arsonist* 2 1/2 stars

12 Monkeys: Pilot episode *Hourglasses of the hydra.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Thirteenth Floor" (1999) *"Hate to see that evening sun go down." Digital virtual deja-vu.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Birthright *Senator Al Gore is all about shooting up with supplements and saving the environment by saturating it with methane for his alien race to take over and inhabit.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Northern Exposure: Brains, Know How and Native Intelligence *singing the body electric and fixing the plumbing.* 3 stars

Son of the Beach: Love, Native American Style *firebush and big hose* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Island of the Body Snatchers *Ariel almost loses her mind and her body in the mystery zone.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Twisted Claw *Wish in one hand, let a vulture shit in the other.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Eegah! *RRRR! Richard Kiel is really big and really lonely and he wants to rape a gal named Roxy. It's like King Kong set in a resort desert town where a Ricky Nelson reject is constantly rocking out.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Weird Science: The Feminine Mistake *The guys get turned into chicks and experience what the other sex has to go through with horny guys like themselves.* 3 stars

Jack London's "Call of the Wild" starring Charlton Heston & featuring "Buck" the dog *Buck worth more than all the gold in the Klondike.* 3 stars

"Ax Giant" *"All strut and no gut." Paul Bunyan puts a cgi sawblade through Grizzly Adams' bear-sized head for eating his blue ox named Babe.* 2 stars

MLK Day Tribute ---------------

Morton Downey Jr.: Racism with Dr. Charles King (2 appearances on the show) *One of the last ballsy, crazy, and passionately confused conversations about race conducted by the media before political correctness closed the door.* either zero or 3 stars

---------------------------------------------

Abel Ferarra's "King of New York" (1990) *Max Shreck, magnanimous and soulful.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

X Files: Beyond the Sea *Serial killer -Brad Dourif- claims to channel the beyond and a grieving Scully's recently deceased dad. but is he just a coward staying execution?* 3 stars

Lucio Fulci's "The New York Ripper" *quacking misogyny* 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: Talk To Me Baby *"You gonna believe your eyes or are you gonna believe me?" Shared feelings and Samson-haired Bud "tries" to be less of a horndog for other women, but he's only a man afterall and after a night at the bar watching a wet t-shirt contest. If his hot foreign accent nympho girlfriend don't forgive him and talk, he's gonna flip his muscle car and go out Romeo style with her in the passenger seat.* 3 stars

William Friedkin's "Cruising" (1980) *assault, alarm, assuage, acclimate, assplay, and arrest* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Girl In Lovers Lane *Drifters and the females who foolishly fawn over them. A Route 66 romantic tragedy.* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 without

American Horror Story: Murder House "Spooky Little Girl" *The apparition of the Black Dahlia is misdiagnosed with acute anxiety.* 3 stars

Nic Cage is "Left Behind" (2014) *Bono raptured. U2 concert postponed.* either 1 star or 2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Cabin Fever -----------

*Fly the Freddy skies.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

*Freddy finds his Laura Palmer.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-----------------------------------------

True Detective: The Locked Room *Scarred snowflakes* 3 stars

"Night Warning" (1983) *"Fuckin' deviants, the world is full of 'em." Hoop dreams, ''homophobia'', and a hilariously insane Susan Tyrrell.* 3 stars

Svengoolie: House of Horrors *Creepin' on art critics.* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: The Secret *Blue hued and sweet toothed tale of a wolf boy adopted by vampires.* 3 stars

Charles Bronson in "Cold Sweat" *A History of Violence in a French fishing village with American muscle car action.* close to 3 stars

Viper: Once A Thief *Viper-Man takes a suped-up stroll down memory lane with his delinquent former protege, Robin.* 2 1/2 stars

Son of the Beach: Two Thongs Don't Make A Right *The Devil's butt floss and daddy's B.J.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Betsy Russell is a "Tomboy" *Battle of the sexes in a light-hearted, cheesy reality that's not afraid to get raunchy.* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow "Magical Thinking" *Weak men and strong women.* close to 3 stars

Paranormal Witness: The Visitors *It's either one of two scenarios for this episode: A) A door to door salesman is duped into believing he's cursed with demons and uses his scientific background, and connections, to explain it. or B) A bored, middle-aged former scientist, and his tech buddies, try to establish a hoax with alledged proof of the paranormal.* 2 stars

The Greatest American Hero: The Hit Car *Heavier than air, heavy like Shakespeare.* 3 stars

"Killdozer" (1974) *Grizzled workmen in an isolated setting sci-fi horror that's similar to and yet almost a decade ahead of John Carpenter's "The Thing."*                          between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Black Sails: Season 1 Episode 2 *Cooking up a kingdom, of reprieve, through barter and betrayal.*            between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Dolph Lundgren in "Dark Angel" aka "I Come In Peace" (1990) *Phantasm's The Tall Man the cyberpunk / heavymetal years, now available on projectile compact-disc, just in time for a White-boy's Christmas.* 2 1/2 stars

Tim & Eric -Bedtime Stories: The Endorsement *Subversive swipe at Sunset BLVD* 3 stars

Puppy-Bowl: Unnecessary Roughness *Puppies wrestling at the "50 yard line" and hamsters overhead in a tiny blimp. This is okay with PETA, yet I can no longer go to my cockfights on Friday nights.* either 1 star or 2 1/2 stars

Kung Fu: Blood Brother *Dignity should not remain surrendered or buried in the mire.* 3 stars

Shaw Brothers: Roar of the Lion *(Traditional Chinese costumes) Lion versus dragon in a kung-fu dance off ceremony that's also comedy gold in a stunt filled comedy filled flick.* 3 stars

Manimal: Illusion *Manimal predicted the Siegfried & Roy tragedy, and Richard Lynch plays a diplomatic immunity villain before Lethal Weapon does the same.*           between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

King of the Hill: It Ain't Over Till The Fat Neighbor Sings *"What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again." In Hank's reality, he loses it when he can't micro-manage any poor decision making that's always hilariously exaggerated.* 3 stars

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Group Dates *Dennis comes unhinged when women rate him, online, as a zero. Frank can't keep Mac & Charlie from offending their blind dates, and he can't keep his cockring from slipping off. Dee's plan to stick it to men by giving them one night stands winds up backfiring.* 3 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: Season 1 Episode 7 *Black noises, thirsting voices striking, impeaching.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

15 Storeys High: Blue Rat *All of the energy, none of the fuss, plus a pony.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: Season 1 Finale *A is for anxiety and or African American spirit girl humming to a sensitive, young medium girl.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

[littledonkeyburrito]

He just looked at me and my tiny serious expression and said, “No.”

1. What was the reason behind the last time you wore a bandage? I think the last time I wore a bandage was when I hurt my wrist in karate training when I was like 16. I really don’t get injured often.

2. What music artist have you listened to a lot lately? Genitallica. I love their music, so long as I don’t listen too hard and translate the lyrics haha. Then again, they’re barely more dirty than Despacito...

3. Have you ever been to a karaoke bar? Yeah

4. Who is taller, you or your best friend? She is. I am little.

5. When did you last go to a library? I think I went to a library in 2013 to print some documents and get them signed by a JP. That would have been the last time. I can’t believe I remembered that.

6. What did you last purchase at a gas station store? I think the last time I went to a gas station was when my Dad was visiting and we drove through the south of spain. I probably just bought a drink or something.

7. Which time zone do you live in? Central European. GMT +1

8. Do you remember what you wore yesterday? I had to think about it for a second but yes, I do.

9. When did you last lose your voice? It got husky a few times while I was travelling in Central America due to being drunk in clubs/loud bars and attempting to have a conversation with someone.

10. What was the last thing you looked up on the Internet? Give me a sec to check my search history... Last thing I googled was “Dahl Barcelona” because I was trying to find contact info for a shipping company

11. How much did you spend the last time you went out for food? I think it was about 20 euro which tbh was a bit more than I’d like to have spent. I don’t go out much though so it’s not like it broke the bank.

12. What was the last thing you purchased online? A sleeping mask for my brother for his birthday because he does shift work like I used to so I understand the need for a comfortable sleep mask.

13. Do your celebrity crushes tend to be more of actors or band members? Actors. I don’t follow many bands.

14. When was the last time you were at a coffee shop? I have no idea. I don’t drink coffee so I would only ever go if the people I’m with go. The last time might have been that super pretentious coffee place my friend dragged me to in Cartagena in Colombia.

15. Where is the farthest you’ve travelled this week? This week? To the grocery store.

16. Is your first language something other than English? No.

17. Are you a good cook? I’m alright. I like my food but I don’t know how other people feel about it because I don’t cook for others. Tbh I barely cook for me aside from the noodles I make.

18. Did you ever take music lessons for singing or playing an instrument as a child? I took drum lessons for most of highschool.

19. When’s the last time you ran? In the airport in Panama City when I almost missed my connecting flight to San José 20. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? No, I don’t like jeans with holes in them 21. Do you celebrate 420? No. 22. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? When I’m not working/travelling, yes.

23. Have you ever been on your school’s track team? No, but I made it to districts for javelin/shotput a couple of times, and to regionals once. 24. Do you own a pair of Converse? I own a few 25. Did you copy and paste this survey? Sure did. No shame. 26. Do you eat raw cookie dough? When the opportunity arises 27. Do you wear your shoes in the house? Sometimes when my feet are cold I just won’t take them off when I get home. But not in a carpeted house. 28. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn’t real? I approached my dad at approximately age 7 because I’d been having this debate internally about whether santa was real and I was conflicted about it. So I went up to him and straight up asked, “Dad, tell me the truth. Is Santa real?”  He just looked at me and my tiny serious expression and said, “No.”  “Easter Bunny?”  “No.”  “Tooth Fairy?”  “No.”  “Okay thanks,” and then I continued with my life 29. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? Just my 1 mobile phone.

30. Who would you call first if you won the lottery? I’d message a bunch of people but the first call would be either mum or dad, depending on what time of day it was. 31. Last time you saw your best friend? February. 32. Are you in high school? Fuck no, thank god  33. How do most people spell your name? Maddy. And then sometimes people get my last name wrong even though it’s really easy and not that uncommon. 34. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? Around the house I suppose I probably would 35. Will you keep your last name when you get married? Probably. Would maybe consider hyphenating if they had a cool name 36. When was the last time you left your house? Yesterday. 37. Do you have a dishwasher? No. My last 2 apartments had one and I never used it anyway.  38. Would you survive in prison? I hope I’d be able to keep my head down enough to not get shanked 39. Who is the youngest in your family? I have a little cousin that’s 14 I think. 40. Do you know anyone with the same name as you? I know several people with my first name but I’m not actively friends with any of them. When I was in grade 10 at school, there were 4 of us, each with slightly different spellings. 41. What’s the last thing you purchased? Groceries 42. What brand are your pants right now? C&A. I stood in the corner of the shop googling for like 10 minutes to find a comparison chart for australian and spanish jeans sizes. 43. Ever been to Georgia (the state)? Just in the airport. The accents are so thick and southern that I couldn’t understand the girl working at maccas 44. Do you watch movies with your parents? Mum and I would often watch movies together when I lived in Aus. Either at her place or at the cinemas. 45. Do you get your hair cut every month? I get my hair cut every 2-3 months. 46. Do you go online everyday? Yep

47. Have you ever experienced something paranormal? Aside from the party pirate ghosts that apparently haunt my apartment, no. 48. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? I don’t think it was the longest but when I left the San José airport in the cab we hit bumper to bumper traffic almost immediately and it took an hour and a half to get to my hotel.

49. Have you ever been to New York City? Not yet 50. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? Probably when my brother and I took mum out for her 50th birthday and we took her to a nice fancy place. I think in all it was close to $100 per person and of course we paid for mum too. 51. What’s your worst travelling experience? Oh god I’m sure I have a few but I can’t really think of any off the top of my head. Getting sick in India in 45 degree heat wasn’t fun. And then having diarrhoea during my flight stopover in southern china (read: squat toilets) was even less fun. 

52. Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? At one of my old apartments, my bedroom shared a wall with the bedroom in the apartment next door. They often had sex at like 3am which was super frustrating, especially considering I was still a virgin at the time and was like, “wahh why can’t I be the one getting laid” and then they stopped banging and started arguing and sometimes it sounded like it was getting violent. Anyway, my flatmate and I called the cops on them once because it sounded like she was attacking him and like throwing stuff at the walls. Cops came and spoke to them. They stopped fighting. Month or so later they started banging again. That was not a fun place to live. 53. Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? Nah, my teachers loved me. The trick is to suck up to them at the start of the year and from then on so long as you get okay grades you can basically do whatever the fuck you want and they won’t care. I could literally just get up and walk out of class and not come back and they wouldn’t even question it. Actually, I often did but it was usually for a music lesson. But a lot of the time I would go to my lesson super early because I was bored and my drum teacher didn’t mind helping me skip class. 54. How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It’s fun to drive with those people 55. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? A couple were fucking on my street a couple of months ago at like 5am. I only looked because I was still half asleep and didn’t recognise what the sounds were until it was too late 56. How reliable is your internet connection? Better than Australia 57. What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Confrontation 58. What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? 2 nights without sleep. Here’s a tip kids: Don’t start a 10,000 word research assignment 2 days before the deadline 59. What is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced? I grew up in the sub-tropics so there’s been quite a few. I fucking love storms and floods (so long as people aren’t hurt and homes aren’t destroyed) 60. How quickly can you write an essay? Doesn’t matter because I don’t need to 61. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? Yes, actually. It always took me way too long to fall asleep in class. 62. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? Yeah, that time @aturinfortheworse​ got hi fived by Jack Black at a Foo Fighters concert and I didn’t because I have little arms. 63. If you have a job, who is your least favorite coworker/manager? From my old job, my least favourite was probably one of my staff, Dave, because he was such a pain in the ass and always made problems and bitched about people and thought he could do my job better than me.

64. Are your parents supportive of you? Yes. My parents are pretty great. 65. How often do you take the train to go places? Whenever I have to go somewhere that’s not walking distance and not the airport (I bus to the airport)

66. What is the closest grocery store to your house? The closest big grocery store is Carrefour but I don’t go there because it’s right on the tourist strip.

67. When was the last time you colored with crayons? At a mexican restaurant in Panama City called Orale. The table is covered in paper and you get a pack of crayons. Keep in mind that this place is really really not designed for kids considering the amount of tequila they give you. When I went there at the start of my trip I was talking to a guy in Spanish but the music was too loud for me to hear him properly so I just handed him a crayon and told him to write it down. It legit took me over an hour to realise he was hitting on me...

68. Have you met anyone famous? Just at conventions

69. Do you have any special talents? I am weirdly good with money. I can be on the exact same salary as someone else, have more bills to pay than them and somehow I’ll still always have more money than them. I don’t even necessarily hold back in my day to day life. I don’t know how but money stuff just always seems to work out well for me. I suppose that’s a talent. A very useful one.

70. Have you ever been to a nursing home? No

71. What kind of job did your mom have when you were growing up? She had a few different jobs here and there when I was a kid, mostly in retail I think. But when I got to highschool, she went back to college and studied her ass off and now she does really well as an architect (side note: I accidentally wrote arquitecta which is spanish) and she loves her job. It’s great to see her succeed. I’m very proud of my mama.

72. Have you ever known anyone that’s been on TV, including you? There was a guy that came like 3rd or 4th on The Voice a couple of years ago that I went to school with. I also went to school with a girl who now has like 3 olympic gold medals for swimming so presumably she was broadcast on tv.

73. What was the most interesting animal you have seen in the wild? One time an echidna literally knocked on our door. I’ve also seen dingoes, sea turtles, goannas, baby foxes, koalas, kangaroos, wallabies and so much more because I grew up in the Australian rainforest. More recently, I saw sloths.

74. What was the first video game you ever played? Crash Bandicoot 2 on playstation1

75. What is the one thing you own, that if it got lost, you would be bummed? My passport because it would be expensive and a pain in the ass to replace.

76. What do you find yourself buying all the time? Flights. Haven’t bought any for a while though because I’m running out of money.

77. When was the last time you got a real letter in the mail? A few months ago from my health insurance company.

78. Were you born in the state you live in? Not even close. Firstly, I live in a province. Secondly, I was born in a county.

79. What is your favorite cheese? Probably camembert or brie. I like those soft cheeses. Also a big fan of feta.

80. What color are your jeans? Black. When I travel, I assume people think I only have one pair of pants when in reality I’ve probably got 4 pairs of black jeans on rotation that are not the same at all.

81. Do you get embarrassed when the buzzer at the airport goes off on you? I always dress so that it won’t go off. Except one time back in aus I had to go to the domestic airport and go through security to drop some documents off with one of the bosses on his flight changover and I completely forgot I was wearing steel capped boots and was so confused when it went off.

82. What does your last received message say? “NOICE”

83. What’s a smell that makes you feel ill? Puke

84. Have you ever deliberately tripped someone? When I was ~14 some boys at school were playing some tackle ball game thing and one of them ran right by where I was was so I stuck my leg out and tripped him. He got up and kept running. I hobbled to a seat, half thinking I’d just broken my goddamn ankle. It wasn’t broken but it did swell up so much over the next couple of hours that my friend told the teacher and they forced me to go the first aid room. Then my shin/ankle got the most colourful bruise I’ve ever seen in my life. I wish I had photos of it because it was fucking spectacular. I think the last of the bruising took about 3 weeks to fade.

85. Do you have any boxsets for TV shows? I had the boxsets for Buffy and Angel but I gave them to Mum when I moved

86. Are you tired? Usually

87. What was the last TV show you watched? Luke Cage

88. Is your door open right now? No

89. What was the last conversation you had with someone about? Whether I should agree to look after someone’s cat for a week

90. What was the last parcel you received? Probably a tshirt I ordered online a few months ago

91. Is the person you last messaged single? They both are, yes.

92. What color is your favorite bra? Red

93. What is the newest addition to your wardrobe? A red tshirt with little white birds on it

94. Do you have any currency that’s not your native country’s? I currently have 7 different currencies on my shelf, and I had 4 others when I was in Australia

95. Were you messaging someone right before you fell asleep last night? No.

96. Did you have any unread messages when you woke up today? Yep - it was a photo of their cat.