#and he doesnt do that anymore. which is awesome. and im glad. but he didnt apologise. and if he did it wasnt enough if i dont remember it

[felixisfruity]

dude my family has GOT to acknowledge their problems. if you get into an argument and then pretend it never happened it‘s not making SHIT better. im so sick of this

[brackenfur]

okay so . i finished a vision of shadows and im gonna post my Thoughts on the arc here:

things i liked:

darktail was a good villain. he was scary, he was manipulative, he was mean. he felt THREATENING which is someting the other villains sometimes lacked (hawkfrost cough cough), he kinda reminded me of first series brokenstar a little & i LIKED darktail as a villain. him being onestars son is also so conceptually hilarious

alderheart was cute & i liked how nice and caring he was. he wasnt like.....unintentionally a jackass or annoying to read, he was just kind and always reinforced that. i also liked how he made t he most of his situation and became an awesome medicine cat

also puddleshine is a good boy too. puddleshine/alderheart FOREVER

also needletail. oh my god needletail. i remember someone saying “just read the books u wont like needletail THEN” but nope................i fcking love her. shes a good character. her death made me SO upset even though i knew it was coming & im such a sucker for her and violetshines found family dynamic

SPEAKING OF VIOLETSHINE i liked her a LOT. her & alderheart were my fave pov characters - theres something i really sympathize with and love in violetshine, and i liked her arc about finding her home and being so confident in it, but i also like all the moments where she was filled with doubt and bad memories. one of my fave scenes with her is when sleekwhisker is like “remember when we were friends???” & violetshine is like “no.........i Absolutely dont rememebr that. you were all mean to me.” bc YES violetshine, YOU TELL HER!

sleekwhisker was a LOT of fun. shes just mean as shit and i found myself liking that, theres nothing deep abt it. shes just so fucking rude and shes a fun secondary antagonist

tigerheart & dovewings kids are adorable

i really liked that last scene in the raging storm when tigerheartstar agrees to share a border with skyclan & hes like “oh so we wont be near thunderclan anymore???” & leafstar is like ?????/ & hes just like “thank GOD. we’ve been near them for waaayyyyy too long” & bramblestar joins in on joking wiht him being like “yeah well we’re glad not to be near YOU anymore either”, and the rest of the clans are just like “oh man what will we DO without thunderclan and shadowclan butting heads anymore???’ that just made me smile. i like the scenes wtht he clans joking with one another and all

also alderhearts last tidbit where he looks at violetshine & twigbranch and thinks abt needletail and how far theyve all come and just oges “i hope youre happy in starclan, needletail, i miss you.’ was really cute. it made me kinda emotional

leafstar was so good in this arc. i liked her and skyclan a lot bc they were so rightfully DONE with everyones shit - from being taken advantage of to being driven out, she just HAD it with all of them and i was like you know what.....good job. i’d be mad to that place is a freakshow

shattered sky is probably one of my fave warrior books i wont lie

i loved the scene where all the clans fight darktail and they show how each of the clans are using their own skills to fight him, and they list how they’ll do it - i just like the idea of them all coming together, and that battle was REALLY good. shattered sky was just good

things i DIDNT like:

oh boy.

briarlights death. im still so mad that out of every character, the ONLY one who dies is her in river of fire. like no lets not get rid of the older cast or characters who havent done ANYTHING in all the books.....like it just made me rly mad and still does. i miss her so much :(

im gonna be honest - i said it once a long time ago and i’ll say it again: its hard for me to like tree as a concept when hes this able bodied character who has an ENTIRE new role created for him just bc he doesnt feel like doing anything else in a clan but characters like briarlight and longtail werent allowed to become warriors after their respective injuries, or characters like jayfeather and cinderpelt are forced to become medicine cats. like its just hard for me to like him when in the SAME BOOK briarlight dies and tree gets his dumb new role.

darktail shouldn’t have died so early tbfh. like after he died the last 3 books were just really.....underwhelming. sleekwhisker came back for that one book but it was like. there were no villains?? except. the weather i guess

the whole “the clans dont listen to the medicine cats” got really repetitive after like the 4th book.  like it started to just kinda get annoying when alderheart would go to bramblestar ad hes just like “okay but...i dont want to do anything JUST yet son” like WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS 10 TIMES NOW

i didnt like jayfeather in these books, im sorry. like there were little glimpses of him i liekd - when he was hanging around fuzzball, or small scenes with him and alderheart - but he was just.....too mean sometimes. how he treated alderheart and twigbranch really bothered me sometimes bc it felt so mean-spirited. they kinda overdid his grumpiness i think bc theres just a line between being a grump and just being an asshole and he was falling on the latter i think

twigbranch & flypaws relationship reeeeallly bugged me ngl, esp since i feel like there wasnt any scene where twigbranch realized she was really wrong for how she treated her. like yes i understand twig was rly frustrated but flypaw is an APPRENTICE & twigbranch being like “i have to be really mean to her for her to understand she needs to Be Better” bugged me. hmph.

finleap

TIGERHEARSTAR JUST LIKE AS A CONCEPT

tawnypelt not saying anything when she saw dawnpelts spirit like???? thats her baby?????????????????

the whole arc felt really repetative in the last 3 books , i mentioned it before but i just. got annoyed with how much it was like “okay we need to come together” clans: i guess “okay we need to stop fighting” clans: okay and then the next book they dont do that. like it happened way too much and i was just liek CAN WE HAVE ANOTHER CONFLICT OR SOMETHING

the name twigbranch

tigerheartstar being “chosen” to lead shadowclan when other cats could’ve done it for him lol

also tigerheartstar being broguht back to life bc apparently he was just That Special out of EVERY OTHER CHARACTER IN THE SERIES 

[missjackil]

My 14x13 Opinion

Lebanon The 300th Episode

I am so proud of this episode and so blown away by how awesome these last 4 episodes have been! Might be an unpopular opinion guys but I really like this season! Sure its had some duds like Optimism and The Scar (Though The Scar had a great broment) but I thought we’d be getting Leader!Sam this season but we have emotionally wrecked!Sam instead, and Im here for that! Needless to say I LOVED this episode, I was so pleased with pretty much everything and I have no big complaints, so lets have at it! I enjoyed the lightness of the beginning, and getting a look at the town. Im so pleased they FINALLY noted that Lebanon KS is the geographical center of the country! So the boys can get anywhere in the country within a day and a half. Its kinda weird though that Lebanon seems to have 3 different post offices. The one from Something About Mary, the one from The Spear, and now this one. LOL thats no big deal so lets move along. 

It was funny that the dude in the pawn shop committed suicide by Winchester, which of course is trying to, or successfully killing one gets you killed by the other, and Dean acknowledges that they all talk too much LOL.

The kids talking about the rumors about the boys was fun but I really wasnt impressed by “cool chick” Max. I liked the boy in the hat though, he was great. Stealing Baby is also suicide by Winchester but Sam and Dean dont go around killing teenagers so, they got lucky. 

I was amuzed by the ghost of John Wayne Gacey clown, and Dean being all “You love serial killers but hate clowns!” and Sam being like “I get it Dean” but Im really glad they didnt make Sam act like he was scared like the other times before. It just wouldnt have fit well into this episode I dont think. Saving Dean is more urgent than a clown fear right? 

Moving on to the meat, and this was as meaty as an episode can get! Dad comes because Dean makes a wish. It seems Dean’s desire to have his family together is more of a desire than getting ole Mike out of his head, and thats really pretty sweet. Dad recognizes the boys right away, which is cool especially since Sam looks NOTHING like he did back in 05, let alone 03 but John says “What happened to you?” I reckon they aged 15+ yrs Pops!

The boys give Dad the nutshell version of their lives over shots of whiskey, because, how else could you do it? But man, John’s face when he hears Mary’s voice was amazing! And I dont even like Mary but, good lord if she didnt nail these scenes!  My hear crumbled, their reunion kiss was completely believable even though we never saw them kiss on the show before. I saw some of you whine that John didnt ask permission first... really? I could see if they were gonna have sex, but when does anyone on TV ever ask to kiss someone?? Not very often. It was by far the most romantic thing Ive ever seen on this show, 

Like typical Winchesters, Dean is sucked into whats right before him and Sam is worried about the big picture. But Sam doesnt lean too hard on Dean about it, lets all have the nice family dinner we’ve never had. 

While compiling a shopping list with Mom, Dean leaves Sam alone with Dad. This scene was .... WOW... so well written and brilliantly acted. I had been wondering how Sam and John would hash things out and this was so much better than I invisioned. Its so in character for the Sam we have watched grow over the last 14 years to get over the bad and focus on the good, because those you love can be taken away in a heartbeat and being left with hard feelings is the worst. All he can think of is seeing Dad dead on the floor and he never got to say goodbye. and he never got to smooth things over. Sams emotions were raw and real! Jared really let Sam feel it, all the regret and anger and loneliness, melts away and turns into “but you loved us.... and thats enough” It was so refreshing to get so much emotional POV from Sam. Something we;ve gotten more of this season than we ever have. It hurts like a mother... but its worth it. 

After the heart shattering talk, Sam composes himself and tells Dean hes right. This was a good thing even if its jut temporary. He asks Dean if he wants company for shopping, and this is like Sam wanting to hold on to his rock (Dean). This is precious.

The boys leave Mom and Dad alone, and go shopping. Now we discover that the timeline has shifted and they have alternate selves. Dean is a wanted criminal and Sam, omg lol Sam is flaming TED talking douchebag that wears turtlenecks, loves Kale, doesnt drink coffee, and doesnt see the need for hobbies or family. But, I gotta say hes lovely in glasses 😎

This inevitably means that not only will Mom disappear, but the boys wont have the relationship they do, and we know, thats a fate worse than the universe exploding. Meanwhile we get a guest appearance by Zachariah and Cas, and Cas is back to S4-ish Cas and possibly even more of a dick. Sam and Dean find them as theyre about to kill the teenagers from earlier and save them. Cas of course doesnt know them from Adam but Zach does. A fight ensues and I just have to state very clearly that Dean went after cas with the angel blade with no second thoughts. Zach attacks Sam and tries to kill him, but Sam kills him instead. Now thats poetic to have been killed by both Winchesters at different times! 

Now Cas is trying to kil Sam, which as we know, never goes over well with Dean, but Cas really nails Sam HARD in the face and Sam spews blood all over! That was pretty graphic and dramatic! Well full strength douchebag angel or not, Dean doesnt let you beat on Sam. so heattacks Cas, and Cas is about to kill Dean. There is no “Cas its me!! Fight this!! I love you!!” like all the hellers wanted and predicted LMAO instead Sam writes a sigil with his blood and zaps Cas away.

Back at home, yet another highly emotional scene as Sam tells Mom why they have to let Dad go... she would just fade away and they would become their “other” selves. Mary cries real tears. and Sam overflows again. God my heart!! Dean talks to Dad and Dad is more than willing to lay his life down for Mom. They all sit solomly at the dinner table. Oddly enough Sam is the only one eating, and Im sure theres meta in there somewhere.... all I can think of at the moment is that hes distracting himself from the painful slence, and hes the only one who never really had Winchester Surprise. John decides to lighten the mood and be grateful for this time, and they all follow suit. And it was glorious!! My boys laughing and eating and enjoying themselves with mom and dad, I just dont know what words to give this scene! 

Afterwards, Sam and Dean are washing dishes together #husbros and they briefly discuss keeping it the way it is. I mean really.... Mom may disappear and they wont be insanely co-dependent, but Michael wont be in Dean’s head anymore, because nothing leading up to it would have ever happened. Dean says hes good with who he is, and hes good with who Sam is, and hes just too old to want to change it. 

The farewell scene was nothing less than earth shattering painful. Dean was surprisingly calm and stoic, though he had many tears. It was as if on purpose, he let Sam and Mom have all the emotions. John hugs his sons one last time. and tells them he’s so proud of them, Poor Sam is gutted. He cant even pretend he isnt crying. Dad tells them he loves them. Dean says he loves him too. Sam cant get words out so he wipes his face and nods. In a beautiful paralell from the old days when John told Dean “Take care of Sammy” and Dean answers “I always do” John says “Take care of each other” and Sam answers “We always do”😭😭😭😭😭😭John takes Mary’s hand and Sam in obvious pain crushes the pearl and Dad fades away. He wakes up in Baby back in 2003 believing he had a good dream. 

Now we have to wait a freakin month for the next episode. But Ill be ok. I think I need a break from all the emotions of the last several episodes because the next couple will probably be less dramatic. This is ok, if every episode was this emotional, even that would get old fast. We only have 7 episodes left and I dont want to rush to the end of the season for a freakin 6 month hiatus!! AGGGHHHHH!! 

Overall I am in love with this episode. It may have moved itself into first place but it has at least tied. This episode definitely met and exceeded my expectations, and last week I thought it wouldnt be able to beat that one. Im so proud of SPN, the writers, and the cast of this episode Ill give them all a standing ovation 👏👏👏👏👍💖 I think its abundantly clear now that Dabb DOES care about the brother bond and doesnt give a rats ass about dean/cas in fact it looks as if the next few episodes might be Dean lite... but we never really know till we watch the episodes.

In conclusion. on a scale from Bloodlines to Who We Are, Lebanon is a 10. Well done show.... well done! Now onward to the 400th episode!!

[bronzeflower]

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Chapter 21: The Rappest Conversation

Also on ao3

It was your self-imposed day off, so you started the day by sleeping until afternoon. After making yourself breakfast and eating it, you played Slime Rancher for about two hours because it was a nice relaxing game that Roxy bought you for Gristmas last year.

Everything was peaceful. Nothing could possibly ruin this.

Oh look. John was pestering you. You hadn't talked to him in while, even though he was your best bro. You guessed both of you have been pretty busy lately.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

EB: hey, dave! EB: we haven’t spoken in ages!

TG: yeah man its been entirely too long TG: ive turned to dust while you were gone TG: ive become one with the desert and sand TG: im the sand on the beach that gets stuck inside an oyster TG: and the oyster is like what the hell are you doing here you dumbass motherfucking sand TG: im here to ruin your life oyster TG: thats basically my job TG: why are you doing this you tiny bit of sand TG: i already answered that question TG: okay fine be that way says the oyster TG: ill just turn you into a pearl so that youre no longer stabbing me everywhere TG: and then i was transformed into a dope ass pearl TG: the prettiest goddamn pearl in all the land TG: im turned into one of a pair of earrings that are sold for more that your life is worth TG: im bought by a rich woman looking for jewelry to show off TG: its passed down through the generations until the wealth they had dwindles and runs out TG: so now the earrings are sold for a dollar just to get the money for food that night TG: its a tragic tale TG: anyway TG: how are you doing

EB: dave, did you copy and paste an entire act of a play into this chat?

TG: what no TG: it is all natural and organic typing from scratch going on here TG: absolutely no foul play involved and to even imply such is an insult to my craft

EB: alright, fine! EB: i will not insult your “masterpiece” anymore. EB: if you can even call it that.

TG: oh wow sick burn TG: but like seriously speaking how is your stuff going TG: like the comedy stuff TG: have you yet to release an hour long special containing your hilarious jokes TG: and like half of the time is taken up by people laughing at them so its not even a true hour long special its more like a half hour long special and you didnt even manage to make it through all the material you had prepared TG: you know like you did in school where you accidentally prepared too much for a presentation and then get cut off because your time is up TG: and you still have like an hour and half left of material that youve collected that ended up just being a pile of wasted effort

EB: maybe not to that extreme. EB: :P EB: i haven't gotten my show up on netflix yet, but i am certainly planning on it! EB: watch out for it!

TG: do you still have that one person booing you at a bunch of your shows

EB: yeah, it is getting pretty annoying at this point, but i don't really want to do something like call security to remove someone for booing at my show. EB: that just seems as little bit over kill.

TG: i thought you were going to do a comedy sketch about them

EB: oh yeah! EB: i forgot about that.

TG: who are you jade harley

EB: what! EB: jade is great at remembering things!

TG: shes really not she just has a really fucking good system for making certain she remembers things TG: she has to build a physical barrier to her door so that she doesnt forget her keys TG: and she has so many keys to her house they are literally everywhere

EB: huh. EB: i guess i havent really visited jade in a while, have i?

TG: i would highly recommend going to her place at some point TG: and just hanging out with her in general TG: although youd probably have to plan a whole trip for it TG: just like TG: drop by or whatever next time youre where shes currently living

EB: messaging her might be a little bit more practical.

TG: yeah probably TG: anyway you really should get on writing that sketch about the lady I booing you

EB: yeah probably.

TG: yeah man how else are you going to get back at her TG: also when you finally do perform it please tell me what happened TG: or send me a recording of it TG: jk ill buy the recording TG: i always buy the recordings of your shows TG: but youll have to tell me which recording its in so that i can prepare myself

EB: maybe i won’t tell you which recording it’s in just so you're surprised by it. EB: like a schrodinger’s recording.

TG: does that mean you might be dead in one of them

EB: i hate to tell you this now dave, but i’m actually a ghost.

TG: shit ive been friends with a ghost this whole time thats actually pretty fucking dope TG: how do you do comedy sketches as a ghost TG: with the whole intangible thing TG: also with the people not being able to see you thing TG: wait TG: i wouldnt be able to message you if you were completely intangible TG: you must be a poltergeist or something TG: is there anything i can do to help you pass on

EB: yeah, you have to burn my body. EB: that’s what they do in all of the supernatural movies and shows where there’s a ghost.

TG: alright i am fully prepared to do that TG: i however have absolutely no idea where your grave is

EB: i know where your grave is.

TG: well thats not ominous at all TG: i dont even have a grave

EB: as far as you know.

TG: are you telling me that im dead TG: am i also a ghost

EB: i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner! EB: but yes we’re both ghosts. EB: i was supposed to wait for you to figure it out yourself, but it’s taking so long, so i guess i got a little impatient. EB: :B

TG: yeah but i still dont remember anything about dying or anything like that

EB: maybe you'll remember someday. EB: i’ve got to go right about now though. EB: i compromised my mission, and now i have to go through remedial training.

TG: ill wish you luck

EB: who needs luck when you have skill?

TG: okay then no good luck from me TG: i take it back TG: youve got this handled due to the sheer amount of awesomeness you have

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TG: oh no they got you TG: i know i said i didnt wish you good luck but i actually did TG: you cant give back a good luck TG: you can never give back a good luck TG: the blessing is yours now forever and ever TG: or however long you live i guess TG: thats going to take a butt load of time TG: anyway TG: i should probably get going too TG: instead of just having a conversation by myself after you left TG: and like go and have a conversation with someone else TG: maybe with jade TG: i havent talked to jade in a while TG: wonder how her pumpkins are doing TG: i wonder if shes harvested them yet TG: or if its even time for that TG: i swear i do actually listen when she talks about gardening TG: but i dont remember what half the harvest times for a bunch of the vegetables she grows TG: dont tell her that TG: or do TG: she probably already knows TG: shes always had a tendency to know things that other people would have absolutely no clue of knowing about TG: anyway TG: ill pester you again at some point eventually TG: ill go pester jade instead now TG: see ya

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

TG: yo jade how are your pumpkins doing TG: is it about time to harvest them or anything TG: or has that already happened TG: when do people harvest pumpkins again

GG: ive harvested them!

TG: awesome were they tasty

GG: of course they were!!! GG: i made pumpkin pie and roasted pumpkin seeds GG: and then i sold all the leftover pumpkins

TG: yeah what kind of profit did that turn

GG: quite a bit, actually! GG: especially with the fact that pumpkins are basically weeds GG: because they grow back no matter what you do GG: no GG: matter GG: what GG: but people fucking love pumpkins during the fall seasons

TG: yeah everyone goes batshit for that kind of stuff TG: got that pumpkin spice everywhere TG: and colorful trees and sweater weather TG: unless you live in the south TG: then there are just two seasons TG: summer and cooler summer

GG: those were basically the seasons on the island i grew up on too GG: im so glad i get to see snow where i live now!!! GG: i always wanted to play in it growing up!!!

TG: tbh we should coordinate and try to play in the snow together at some point

GG: yes!!! GG: but, no GG: :( GG: itd be way too difficult to coordinate that kind of thing

TG: yeah probably TG: but maybe one day if we happened to be in the same area and it happened to snow TG: we could get together and play in the snow and build snowpeople and snow angles

GG: dont you mean snow angels?

TG: i meant what i said TG: were gonna be drawing angles in the snow TG: forty five degrees sixty degrees one hundred and eighty degrees TG: well have all the angles right there written in the snow because no one can tell us what to do

GG: i still think id rather make snow angels though

TG: fair enough TG: you stick with your boring old snow angels TG: and ill have a fantastic time making all my fucking snow angles

GG: :/ GG: you do that, i guess GG: i still think making snow angels will be more fun!

TG: suit yourself TG: anyway im being messaged by someone else so ive gotta bounce

GG: alrighty, see ya!

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

GC: D4V3

TG: terezi

GC: H4V3 YOU S33N TH1S?? GC: F1L3.COM

TG: well it would seem that im being framed for murder and no one told me

GC: NO GC: 1N C4S3 TH4T H4PP3N3D 1 WOULD S3RV3 4S YOUR PROS3CUT3R

TG: wouldnt you be unable to participate in the trial because you have a bias because were friends

GC: Y3S BUT TH4T 1S B3S1D3 TH3 PO1NT GC: W41T GC: 1S 1T B3S1D3 THE PO1NT OR B3S1D3S TH3 PO1NT??

TG: no idea TG: does it matter

GC: 1 GU3SS NOT GC: JUST LOOK 4T TH3 GODD4MN M3M3

TG: nice

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

TG: so what stuck itself up your ass

CG: DID TEREZI SEND YOU THAT MEME?

TG: what meme i have no idea what meme your talking about

TG: i dont even know what a meme is TG: you could hear me say that but i pronounced meme as me me TG: because thats how little i know about memes TG: ive never even seen one in my life TG: you dont have any proof that tz showed me the meme that you are talking about like less than five minutes ago about the ten page rant that you sent to complain about my channel

CG: THAT’S REALLY SPECIFIC, AND IT MAKES ME SUSPICIOUS AND PRIVY TO THE IDEA THAT YOU ACTUALLY DO KNOW WHAT A MEME IS.

TG: please spare me i have a family

CG: I WASN’T AWARE THAT YOU HAD KIDS.

TG: youre right i dont have kids TG: not in reality TG: imaginary kids TG: all running around and being great and fantastic and not fucked up at all TG: thats the fucking dream

CG: DAVE, WE’RE NOT HERE TO DISCUSS YOUR INSECURITIES DEALING WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF HAVING KIDS OR WORKING WITH KIDS. CG: WE’RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE MEME TEREZI SENT YOU.

TG: why do you even care so much about a meme TG: its a meme and its harmless fun TG: even if it does include a picture of you topless

CG: EXACTLY. CG: I’M GOING TO NEED YOU TO DELETE ANY EVIDENCE OF THAT PICTURE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO KEEP IT.

TG: why would i want to keep it TG: maybe i already deleted it TG: maybe i didnt even save it TG: also why do you want me to delete so bad TG: its not much in the way of blackmail TG: who could possibly use it against you

CG: PEOPLE.

TG: thats specific

CG: I’M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD FOR GOING INTO TOO MUCH DETAIL ABOUT THIS, SO COULD YOU PLEASE JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT AND DELETE THAT PHOTO?

TG: k

CG: REALLY? CG: JUST LIKE THAT?

TG: sure if it really matters to you that much ill make sure to get rid of it TG: you can tell me why at another time TG: i get if its too personal to talk about or whatever TG: sometimes that kind of thing happens TG: there we go TG: deleted photo

CG: THANKS

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

AC: :33< *ac prowls up to the unsuspecting crow* AC: :33< *she asks meow the crow is doing!*

TG: *the crow says hes doing well and asks the same of the cat*

AC: :33< im fine! AC: :33< im meowstly just double checking the date and time we agr33d on for tea

TG: yeah im still on that day TG: just cant believe it in like a month and a half TG: seems like an almost unnecessary time to plan in advance

AC: :33< but it is a really meowfurlous tea place! AC: :33< its just a little exclawsive, so youve got to make reservations a bit in advance

TG: yeah i get that but the main question here is the dress code TG: can i show up in my jeans and hoodie or do ive got to pull out the singular suit i have TG: its bright red so i cant exactly wear it to black tie events

AC: :33< it s33ms more like mew should wear brunch attire

TG: khakis and a polo shirt got it

AC: ://< i guess thats brunch attire AC: :33< i would wear something a little nicer though

TG: so more like colorful khakis with a button down shirt that can hold cufflinks

AC: :33< yeah thats s33ms more appropriate AC: :33< mew could always ask kanya~a for advice on what to wear

TG: yeah im probably going to do that TG: also that cat pun in her name that you did was the best think ive heard all day ten out of ten would use again

AC: :33< thank mew! AC: :33< i like to give all meow furends cat pun names! AC: :33< its kind of hard to come up with them for some people though

TG: yeah im not sure how you can make a cat pun from dave TG: its pretty much impossible but if you do manage to do it i will be supremely impressed

AC: :33< meowbe a rhyming thing? AC: :33< like cavedave or something? AC: :33< but that makes you sound like some sort of caveman AC: :((< and thats not really cute

TG: maybe adding a hobby of mine of some sort to my name TG: like rapping TG: like rapnap dave or something TG: cause it sounds kind of like catnap

AC: :33< that certainly is a lot cuter! AC: :33< ill consider it! AC: :33< but ive got to go meow so we can talk later

TG: cool

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

Since you were clearly talking to all your friends today, you might as well see if Aradia’s online as well. You’re pretty sure she was, and since you probably won’t get to contact her for a while, you might as well message her now.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] --

TG: have you finally figured out how im going to die TG: or divined that kind of shit yet TG: saw it in the clouds or something TG: my hot as hell dead body floating in the water staining the fluid and polluting the river and making it muddy with red TG: taking a stabbing and falling and dying before i could ask if it was something i said TG: choking to death, clubbing to death TG: hit through the chest with some white magic TG: bleeding and crying as they take their last breath TG: its all just so horrible and tragic TG: having every single one of these dreams TG: but i think i know that theyre memories TG: had these nightmares since i was a kid TG: always wondered if it was something i did TG: cause they made me scared of clowns swords and puppets TG: made me too scared to watch even the muppets TG: but they’re not just mine cause it’s not always my body TG: lying on the ground looking super fucking shoddy TG: and all i can feel is the oppression and fear TG: of letting go of all we hold dear TG: stabbed with a sword we did abhor TG: all the death and the violence and blood TG: overwhelmed us like a flood TG: but try as we might we had no chance TG: we were always meant to lose this dance TG: alright im done that was a dope ass fucking rap thanks folks for listening to how awesome that was

AA: you will die on the twentieth day of april in the year of 2069 from drug overdose

TG: nice

AA: also your rap was both cool and concerning

TG: yeah im not sure if i actually thought at all about what i just said in that rap TG: so basically i forgot everything that i just wrote

AA: thats the beauty of a messaging platform AA: you can just scroll up and reread what you wrote

TG: im sorry im suddenly unable to read

AA: wow AA: youre really going to do this

TG: yes and i have no regrets TG: hi im jared im nineteen and i never fucking learned how to read

AA: your name is dave

TG: shit TG: caught in the lie TG: what time will i have to spend in jail officer

AA: well since im not a cop AA: none! AA: but im still curious about whatever the hell was going on with that rap

TG: maybe you should respond with the stuff thats bothering you in rap form TG: do a little rap battle TG: but like TG: with feelings and shit TG: you can talk about whats bothering you and then i can elaborate on the fuckery in my rap

AA: alright i dont see why not AA: it will probably help us both AA: my heart and my brains been pulled taught AA: stuck between work and the one that i love AA: cant help my job fits me like a glove AA: but i cant stop thinking about my matesprit AA: how hes gonna face it AA: cause he says he supports me AA: and he says that he agrees AA: with putting my job first and foremost AA: while he sits in one place and holds post AA: i didnt mind too much before AA: we had all i could adore AA: but since he proposed were going to be married AA: i just dont know if that life should be carried

TG: well that sounds like something you should talk about TG: because not doing so might leave you in a drought TG: in your relationship where miscommunications TG: might lead to decimation TG: or more likely just breaking up TG: but you dont want that to burn up TG: so just have a talk with him about your concern TG: and then your love will continue to burn

AA: did you just rhyme up with up

TG: dont judge me im trying to help

AA: your advice was good but i can still judge you for your lack of slam poetry skills

TG: hey ill have you know im the best in the business

AA: must be a very small business

TG: wow TG: i cant believe my own moirail would do this to me

AA: you know i had to do it to em

TG: i hate you and everything that you stand for

AA: likewise AA: aside from that AA: do you want to talk about those dreams you mentioned at the start of this conversation

TG: i will only answer that if you ask me in a rap

AA: what the fuck was up with those dreams AA: you seem to be tearing at the seems AA: with all the death and the dying AA: and it might seems like im lying AA: but ive had those too AA: hit in the face and bid me adieu AA: except im a ghost and dead AA: dont know how but i bled AA: then im a frog for some reason AA: it has something to do with treason AA: then a robot that i hated AA: someones kinks that were stated AA: then i blow up again and again AA: wake up in pajamas the color of cayenne AA: and thats when i know that im alive AA: and i know for a fact that i will thrive

TG: always thought that i was alone in this TG: but i guess im not so now ill remiss TG: on all these nightmares ive had TG: that were all really bad TG: i always thought it was because of my childhood TG: never thought that i would be old enough to get to my knighthood TG: thought i was going to die alone TG: thought they wouldnt even find a bone TG: thought no would care if i was gone TG: always felt like i didnt belong TG: i thought the dreams were a message, an order TG: to finally get rid of the disorder TG: that was me theyd promised id be free TG: but i still desperately wanted to be TG: alive and awake and active and happy TG: excuse me if this starts to get a bit sappy TG: but i wanted love TG: i wanted to be above TG: my bro who so obviously hated me TG: and everyone i know would agree TG: so no matter how much i wanted to die TG: there was always something just keeping me alive TG: a wish or a kiss or a day that gets better TG: a time when i get to open a letter TG: theres something to live for something to survive for TG: going and traveling and taking a tour TG: listening to music when i feel depressed TG: going outside when i feel repressed TG: reminding myself its gonna be alright TG: in order to tell myself not to go towards the light

AA: feeling alive is good

TG: yeah TG: it is TG: thanks for listening

AA: thank you for listening! AA: thats what being moirails is all about AA: listening to each other and doing our best to comfort each other AA: although i guess thats what friendship is about too AA: moirail is more of a formal title

TG: i get that TG: someones messaging me now though so i guess this is where we can end our convo

AA: dont be a stranger!

TG: not planning to be one TG: <>

`AA: <>

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] --

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TT: Hello.

TG: yes just come up and start a chat using the most generic fucking greeting in the entire goddamn world TG: thats exactly how you start a conversation with someone youve known for years TG: start conversations by calling your friends a bitch like the rest of us

TT: I’m pretty sure I would like to have a little more class than that.

TG: ill bring you down to my level one day

TT: I will do my best to resist going down that low.

TG: listen TG: im pretty sure you dont have to go that far

TT: Wow. TT: Rude.

TG: thats a more appropriate way to talk to your brother

TT: I’ll be certain to use more crass language when greeting you next time I make the decision to start a conversation with you.

TG: anyway what did you want to talk to me about

TT: I would like to invite you to my party celebrating the release of my new book. TT: It takes place in a month at my house.

TG: you mean your big ass mansion

TT: Yes, I suppose that is an apt description of the location where I reside. TT: I suggest you dress formally for the occasion. TT: You can wear the suit that you had recently tailored for you.

TG: oh yeah the one kanaya made that feels like the softest goddamn plush toy in the childrens aisle

TT: Yes, please wear that one.

TG: alrighty sounds good to me

TT: Not going to argue about wearing jeans and a T-shirt instead?

TG: nah TG: not this time at least TG: im kind of excited to wear the one kanaya made anyway TG: especially since its the first suit that i actually kind of like

TT: Well, I look forward to seeing you at my party in a suit. TT: For now, I must go and give a few others personal invitations.

TG: k you do that

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

You proceeded to play videos games for the rest of the day because it was, in fact, your day off. You had to spend some of it by yourself after all.

[kirakirachiizuru]

[PART 1] HAKUMYU LIVE2 - SPECIAL GUEST EXTRAS - Matsuda Ryo

I am doing this just for fun ^^ Because I like translating the Tokuten (extras), than the Honpen (stageplay) :p I know LIVE has been around for a while but just in case ^^ I will skip some parts… because they talk too fast / not so important / interesting :p If I have the time and if anyone wants to read this, I will make the rest with Izawa Yuki, Yamazaki Shuuto, Gomoto Naoya & Yazaki Hiroshi too ^^ (i edited this with photos lol yesterday tumblr was being ugly and jealous i couldnt upload anything)

PART01: Matsuda Ryo-kun (12/08, Kyoto, NOON)

[01:25:22]

Mori-Producer: Today’s guest, Matsuda Ryo-san!

Ryo: IS EVERYONE HAVING FUN?

*fanscream*

Ryo: NOT ENOUGH! DO YOU LOVE HAKUMYU?

*fanscream*

Ryo: Awesome! Once again, I am  the previous Saito Hajime actor, Matsuda Ryo.

Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.

:

M-P: So it has been 2 1/2 years, since your last stage, since Kazama-hen

R: Yes, that was the last one for me, and the Fukuchou (commander / Piroshi). And you see just now I have been watching from the side-stage and a lot of memories came in.

:

R: Yes my debut performance was the first ever Hakumyu after all (Saitou-hen). I’m so happy and now everyone is turning their penlights into Blue colour. Aa~ thank you~ (in his Kansai-ben /aaaaaa XD)

*fanscream*

R: I love everyone (* Minna suki ya de~ aaa kansai benn XD) ! I’ll give you this *hands over his uchiwa (fan) to one front seat fan). It is a festival after all right. I can’t throw it (the fan) to the seats it’s dangerous okay.

M-P: It is definitely amazing right. It was the first ever Hakumyu, and without that there wont be Hakumyu today right (i rephrased this XD i think he mentioned Matsuda Gakkun, like without Ryo-kun first Hakumyu, there wouldnt be Hakumyu today for anyone else~)

*Digest / clips of Ryo-Saitou played on screen*

After that…

R: You know just now I received a LINE message from Yamazaki-san / Piroshi.

AUDIENCE: ‘What did he saaay?’

R: ‘Good luck for the LIVE’ and he wrote that all in Hiragana. lol but that’s so him XDD

So I replied, I’ll do my best!

R: No no *sheepishly*, but you see in the digest just now (clips from prev musicals), it is thanks to everyone - casts, staffs, those who have been loving Hakumyu.. oh but Hakuouki (the anime/game) is amazing in the first place right.

M-P: He is definitely a zachou (lead) who practiced more than anyone else, yet never shows a tired face *more praises*

R: (laugh) thank you!

Then Mori-Producer said that seems like it started from Ryo-kun, a passionate and powerful Zachou, and from that on the next ones too inherited that.

R: Eh, wait I feel like crying already.

M-P: That’s fast.

R: Before I was in Hakumyu, I went through an audition and at that time, I was auditioning for Heisuke’s position.

ME & FANS: WHAAT?????

[01:28:01]

R: I was aiming for Heisuke and I really didnt think that I would be Saitou Hajime and that time Mori-san’s impression was really interesting

M-P: I thought he will definitely fail this :p

It was like he was screwing around. What did you do again?

And then Ryo-kun explained that there are some things that needs to be done. I think he needs to act out a scene in which everyone needs to take turn and then he gets cut down by another. And he have to act out a dying scene.

[1:28:45] 

R: I never had any experience of sword fight lessons or anything, let alone how to act out a death. So when I was cut down, UWAAA— (run and plops on floor) and I just stayed in this position (on floor) and I looked at the person and the producer angrily said ‘Die now!’

(Chii: BAHAHAHA ;;;;;;)

M-P: I really thought you will fail but you managed till the end and Im glad it is you.

R: Aaww

M-P: How about acting out Saitou Hajime’s line now? *pass a Katana*

R: WAAA, it has been a while since I last held a Katana *slips it on his obi* (mind you, it is left side which is actually ‘wrong’ because he is Saitou Hajime known for left-handed samurai XD). Ok Mori-san be the Chizuru okay.

*acts out Saitou’s line* (AAAAAA AAAA) *looks at Mori-chizuru lol*

R: EH, this katana is the other way round (lol)

M-P: Any scenes that’s most memorable for you?

R: (he said the scene when he fought with Kazama)

*Then it became an awkward scene when Shougo-Kazama came out.*

R: Hi, it is.. a first time so I’m Matsuda Ryo *steps back*

Shougo-Kazama: Hmph.

R: Seems like his eyes is killing me. Then, I can take him on now. Everyone, he is now weaponless.

S-K: *came back with a Katana* R: Ok lets go with ‘that’ scene. Get it? ‘That scene?’ …. Aren’t you laughing, you okay?

(LOL Shougo is facing Ryo-kun so the face is not visible :P)

*Acting out the sword fight* But it doesnt seem to go well XDDD

S-K: ... sure you can do it? :p

[01:33:30]

*Shiranui is called out*

Shiranui: I didnt hear about this

(maybe this was not part of their plan haha because the talks are partly scripted :p)

R: Hi! Hey hey hey! *making a gun with his hand and then ignored by the two Onis* XD

S: Who’s that?

S-K: I have no idea

R: Where’s that other person.. bald one?

S: Koudou

(actually and usually the casts are all watching from the side-stage ^^ HAHA so im thinking they didnt planned it out other than Shougo-Kazama meeting Ryo-kun XD)

….. Koudou: Shibu shibu shibu shibu *t/n: reluctant, reluctant (LOL XD)

[01:34:30]

R: Definitely they are amazing first-generation casts right

M-P: Ok time is running out. *fans went EHHH~~*

S-K: I will read a letter from my good friend, Suzuki Shougo (lolol.)

R: Oh you two are such close friends eh. (LOL)

S-K: He is… *stiffled laugh* (AHAHAHAHAHA) S-K: *reads the letter to Matsuda-san* ^^ Matsuda-san I heard you are making appearance on Hakumyu’s stage after a long time today, how are you feeling? It has been 5 years since we have known each other. You who are a younger brother, we had fun praticing, drinking and fooling around together. Compared to that time, I earnestly think you’ve become such a splendid actor as Matsuda Ryo…….. (cont) (It is such a warm letter, and I am not good with such beautiful piece so let’s leave that to your imagination :P)

S-K: That’s what he wrote *keeps the letter in his sleeve* M-P: You’re not giving the letter to him?

S-K: Later (XD) : [01:37:18]

R: *speeches* Ok I cant anymore, if I stay here any longer I will cry. Thank you, have fun everyone!

FIN

Here are some other interesting facts from the rest of the special guest corner (that I might or might not translate):

[1] Gomoto Naoya-kun auditioned for Hijikata Toshizou’s position (HAHAHA but Mori Producer was like, Nope okay you can stop during the audition :p)

[2] Izawa Yuki-kun was sooo pressured to be the 2nd Hijikata-san, because Piroshi / Yamazaki Hiroshi was a strong one, too good. And then he said at that time, he always had Kondou-san (Taira-san) to pamper and calm him down. And when asked how, he acted it out: *walks to Kondou-san and hugs* ‘Im scared~ Piroshi was so good~* And Taira-san would hug pat him and say ‘It is okay, just be yourself, you own version of Hijikata Toshizou’

[3] On the recording day of Hakumyu Reimeiroku, Piroshi came to watch. And Izawa Yuki-kun was like ‘AAA how dare he came today why did he have to come today of all days’ XD But then at the end, when he showed his fist towards Piroshi in the audience seat, Piroshi returned his air-fistbump (AWW). He said he was happy and touched ^^

[4] Izawa Yuki sheated his katana and fans went ‘UUU~~’ and he said ‘Wow LIVE is so nice, I didnt do anything but sheating my sword and I get such reaction :p

[5] Izawa Yuki said he had such a blunder during Hakumyu performance like there were times when he tried to sheath back his sword and the scabbard had moved the other way. So this one time, he put it in, and like oh god it wouldnt go in so while acting the play he slowwwwly slowwwwly took it out, and BAM! put it back in one go :p

[6] Ryo-kun said some of the blunders he made during Hakumyu was (1) There was a part Amagiri was talking and he was supposed to come out, and at one time he was just sitting at the side-stage not realizing it was his moment to come out. And suddenly Ikeda Junya-kun (Heisuke), came running ‘OI YOUR TURN GET OUT THERE’ and he was like wth and ‘WHY?’ and Junya furiously said ‘YOUR TURN’ and he was like ‘WHAT? !!!’ *late sudden realization* XDDD

(2) There was a day he said he forgot his Katana (LOL) and that was the part he was supposed to fight Kazama (such important scene LOL). And he saw the ensemble Suga-chan and just ‘defeat and grab away his Katana forcefully’ and continue his act LOL. (you would know Suga-vhan if you’re a fan (said Ryo-kun), bcs the longest ensemble member to join Hakumyu from start till to-date).

[7] Izawa Yuki-kun said he was always feeling so pressured (lol poor one XD Piroshi was awesome after all keke) but Kondou-san (Taira-san) helped him like you know he is a historical figure and Taira-san looks just so realiable like the real one, but then one day during practice, they were practicing Shinsengumi’s first appearance during YAISA and when it is his turn to come out with Taira-san suddenly he heard a loud DODOON noise and when he looked to his side, Taira-san stumbled and fell down very unsightly LOL (you can see this clip in Toudou-hen’s extras) :p

[8] Imata Taira-san (Kondou-san) is known for getting tongue-tied and calling character names wrongly like: Saitou-KYUN, Sousuke (Heisuke), Heiji (Souji) :p

[9] Mori-producer said when he first met Ryo-kun he judged him like ‘Can this kid really talk properly’ (Because Ryo-kun is a Kansai-person so he has an accent). And Ryo-kun said Now I can talk normally and fluently (without the accent) :p

[pokefanbri]

I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤

[thespace-dragon]

I just wanted to say that I love your works on Ao3. They are so perfect in so many ways. The combination of fluff and angst kills me. The way you present a darker version of Lance and a more innocent/curious Keith makes my heart pound so loud because it fits so well. I love your ideas and don't get me started with the writing style. I hope you are ok :) (and if you have some advices for a bigginer in the art of writing I am glad to listen) Looking forward to reading more of your MASTERPIECES!

a;skdjgnasg fuck i got so caught up in chores today a;kngadfg, SOOrry this took so freaking long for me to answer jesus fu..

ANYWHOODLES THANK YOU AGAIN FOR LIKE THE BEST COMPLIMENT EVERY JUST AGHHHH i love to really play on how lance can get serious on missions and how keith is a little sheltered and go as far as i can with it. other than that i really try to stick with their canon personalities. (modern aus i dip into their fanon counterparts because theyre memes like holy fuck its awesome) and dude i feel like my writing style is all over the place dont get me started on it xD

but writing tips. gosh this will be long

write your ideas down, all of them, no exception. nothing is stupid, no headcanon not accepted, none of those thoughts. you thought it up, write it down and come back to it one day. who knows you can make it into a fic one day (look at the rift and ruins, prime examples)

write whenever you can, and strive for every day. im a little rusty with writing right now because ive been so busy i crash every time i get home and honestly im a mess, but i try to write as much as i can during my down times. it honestly helps so much.

READ. read a shitton, pick up things from other authors, other fic writers. since i dont necessarily have the motivation to write every day, i make up for it in reading. reading saves lives.

use your own experiences to add another level of depth to your fics. i do it all the time. i adapt some of my life experiences to fit into aus and such, sometimes a whole fic is a result of my life (see displaced)

let art inspire you. there have been so many times that i just let inspiration take me from art that its not even funny (i blame you @thesearchingastronaut

also let music inspire you too! just because song fics might be a little ‘outdated’ doesnt mean you still cant write them. i have a few that are based of songs completely. (which reminds me i still need to finish one of them rip)

scream and scheme. find someone that you scream ideas at and generally just bounce ideas off of them. itll help you find plotholes and what not.

plot your shit out. i cannot stress this enough. there was a time when i didnt plot and looking back on those fics now, theyre all over the place. now i typically have the main plot events all written down, and depending on how previous chapters went, i shore up plotholes in the next chapter. but main plot then break it down into chapters and create events that link everything together

let your characters grow and change. sure fanfics dont offer a lot of room for growht because we all want to remain true to the characters, but that doesnt mean you cant let them grow. its your fic, they will grow in response to how you write it.

let them have flaws too. in ruins everyone has flaws: shiro is terrible with his words despite being a great leader and a warrior. pidge has a one track mind, completely focused on the end result and not letting herself bond with the others. hunk can be timid and it makes it hard to be proud of his work. keith is stubborn, to the point where communication can be compromised because he doesnt want to listen. lance... sigh, lance is many things, the biggest being that he can trust too easily. (shiro and keith were exceptions to his rule of giving the benefit of the doubt because of their previous positions in the galra empire)but what im saying is, let them have weaknesses, let them learn from their mistakes. it makes the characters feel more 3 dimensional

dont give up. ever. if someone leaves a bad review on your fic, dont worry too much about it. you can take some of what they said into consideration, but dont let what they get you too down. on my first fic ever, i got a flame that called my original character for a universe a mary sue. did that stop me? obviously not because here i am still writing fanfics.

join group chats if you can with other writers. theyre always there to help and really give the best advice. ive met some great people by joining discord servers. some really great artists too! dont be afraid to reach out and start talking with people. my ask box is always open ^^

last but not least, and certainly not because 13 is my lucky number, but  DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANOTHER WRITER. just dont do it. it will kill your drive ebcause youre too busy thinking of how youll never catch up, never be like the writer that you admire. everyone starts somewhere, and everyone grows at their own pace. not everyone is going to be spectacular for every fic, or right out of the gate, hell, my first few fics were awful, i hate them, but i keep them around because it shows how far ive come.

oh god, i think thats it. i hope thats it xD but if you have anymore questions, or want to scream in general, dont be a stranger!! Thanks again hun :D

[survivorkvaloya]

Episode #3: “I Wanna Start S#!t” - Chelsea

Honestly, Steffen, not much has happened for me in the first two episodes. We'll go over it really quick. I liked my original tribe of 5 with Jules, Liam, Christine, and Ryan. They were all awesome. My mentor, Colin, a fellow House of Shade alumni--also awesome. We won the flash game challenge (of the 5 competitors of my tribe, I scored 1 point which landed me in the middle of our tribe rankings). I bonded with Christine early. That could be something to hang onto. The following round was a crapshoot competition and we won that, too! On my new tribe, I like Lauren and Jack and I also have Christine there. I really wish there was more dirt or drama because I love writing lengthy confessionals, but things are just getting started here!

Alright. So I guess no one wants pleasant kind hearted lily around. They want mean angry bitter ass lily which I'm happy to give but they ain't gonna like it. I got an extra vote on this island thing that no one is gonna know about because fuck these bitches. I know I will need the upper hand later when the couples try to destroy the singles. When I get out of reflection island I'm gonna try to buddy up with Connor and ask him to be my new mentor. Jules I'm pissed. I wish I knew exactly what happened but I will try to get to the bottom of it and make sure all those losers pay. I hope you start feeling better too. I feel like I can't trust anyone after that but Jackson seems pretty genuine of not knowing or not being able to do anything. But, because of this HUGE betrayal everyone on that other tribe can fend for themselves. I'll be all nice nice yeah I'd love to work with you but nah. I ain't interested. Let's be clear here, I have no loyalties and I'm not playing some kind of loyal game. You cut my mentor ill cute you. BYE Andreas also told me about Jules getting voted out most likely before the vote which is cool. I appreciate that. But Nicholas Colin we ain't buddies. I'm rooting for a student to win but it ain't y'all. Tonight I will hopefully put together a board of what original tribes people were on their swap tribe and who their mentor is. I think this will help me get a better picture of what's going on. Also, being bitter as fuck only two days in? My aesthetic. 

Oh and also I miss the damn creative challenge? There better be more to come because I'm sad. I've never done a music video challenge this was my shot and these bitches took me out!!! What the HECKIE???? 

nothing's really happened imo. this main is slow. i want drama. nicholas said there's a majority cross tribe alliance. where's my invite? i wanna start shit. my goal is just to make merge so i can blow up, the best way "Trixsea" Steele knows how. :) :) :)

I know i killed this music video challenge, but Chelsea told me that me and only 3 others submitted anything and after re-reading the rules and seeing that its an extra 5 points for every appearance we could actually be fucked. It wouldn't be to big of a problem because honestly I like going to tribal and getting to vote people off, but I also know of the cross tribe majority alliance who supposedly has majority on our tribe right now. If we lose this I'll probably try to blow up and either shake that alliance up or go out in a blaze of chaotic glory.  

Im at tribal right now and I was getting a sick feeling that I was going to be the one voted out... But I always feel like that. I think that I am going to get my team together, Liam got a vote and if he wasn't sure if he wanted to work with me (even thought he said he wanted to) so yeah.... Me, Andreas, Colin, Liam, Ryan, Jackson... Then we have the numbers? yeah cus there is only nine of us rn. We could pull in Conner to make life really easy and to add a couple number just encase. If we do that then out of everyone we would have: Me and Liam, Colin and Brett, Ryan and Jackson, Andreas and... someone (-_- sorry) and then Conner who lost their student. Thats 9 people in a game with 18? maybe that  about half. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore but I do know that this needs to happen soon before I get bumped to the side... I do no like being a side bitch 

Ahhhh, I'm literally so in love with this challenge it was so much fun and Chelsea did such an amazing job editing it. If we don't win I'll be shocked...and scared. Lauren disappeared for a bit and didn't participate so like I'm a little...or a lot worried for her. As of right now I literally love this tribe. QuilLynn is super smart and I adore her, Willow and Chelsea are sweet and adorable and Brett is a gem. I guess the only person I haven't clicked with is Jack but for now everything's looking good and Im hoping we win the challenge :)

Whew, I'm so excited to have won immunity! The challenge was so much fun and now...its messy cause alliances are starting to form and QuilLynn told me about one that apparently me and Lauren are in? So I don't know if Lauren's making deals without me or what, but nobody's approached me specifically and I'm not in any chats so! I'm not sure what's going on and I don't like it. I think right now my #1 is QuilLynn. She's smart, sweet and very easy to talk to so I officially adore her and wanna protect her at all costs. I need to get things in order with Lauren cause I don't wanna get in the middle of some warfare we don't need to be in. 

We lost. Again. This is the worst. My tribe is cursed. Kinda. It's like a blessing in disguise for me tbh. I'm using this time to recover from last round and regroup. There's more talk of a majority alliance forming and I wanna make sure it happens so I can solidify my place in it. I think my number 1 ally has shifted from Nicholas to Jackson now. Jackson is literally my fave person in this game. He's so nice and fun to talk to, he's socially and strategically aware, and most importantly, he's really cute and nice to look at so! I still got that alliance with JD and Andreas but I am not really loyal to it. JD seems to playing messily and I've mentioned before Andreas seems too well connected for his own good. Anyway, onto this vote! Literally? The only thing I've heard? Is Connor? but....... that's all I've heard. Connor isn't putting out another name. No one else is putting out another name. And that's a recipe for paranoia in my mind. I wanna trust the majority that's been built, JD says Jackson and Ryan will be voting with us, and I trust them 10000% but I'm a paranoid hoe. 

my confessional game so far has been weak af so far like I literally forgot to write a confessional last round, so I guess I'll just do a quick recap. Essentially I have mixed feelings about my tribe bc there are 3 other people who I really like Chelsea, QuilLynn, and Gage. We ended up creating an alliance and QuilLynn titled it "arent you Klad I didn't say fjorden" which is iconic! Anyway that cookie challenge last round killed me but I'm glad I came up with the strategy to split 3 on 0, 3 on 9 and 3 in the middle. Lily was convinced that they weren't going to put all their cookies on one of our tribe mates so like I'm kinda glad I proved her wrong lmao idk. As for the people I have mixed feelings about Jack is okay I mean he usually replies but in PMs he can be kinda boring and give one word answers. Christine is really nice but she just doesnt reply a lot? maybe she just doesnt like small talk or something. Brett, I've heard really good things about him but he only replies when its about him lol, like if I ever start sharing one of my stories or whatever idk he just stops replying lol. Lauren, okay shes super cute but seems inactive. Anyway I was like super excited that we got to do the music video challenge this round, its always super fun even though what I make is always really awkward lmao. Anyway like 4 people from our tribe didnt submit, Jack was sick (so he says), Gage was moving which is alright, and Lauren (didn't say anything about why she didn't do it lol), and Chelsea was editing so its all good. Shes like a really good editor and our video turned out great so I'm glad we won even though we had like 4 people in the video compared to them having like 7. So then QuilLynn informs me that Chelsea told her that theres a majority alliance of like 8ish people?? like what the fuck thats about half the people here. So its Andreas-Jack, Colin-Brett, JD-Liam, and potentially Lauren-Christine. And there are a bunch of people we're unsure could be in the alliance. And then as Im hearing about the alliance I'm realizing that it consists of the people on my tribe who dont always reply to me lol or when they do are boring. And I mean I know im not the most interesting texter but these people are worse then me. So then I was talking to Ryan and asking him about his tribe and the reward and stuff to see if I could get any information about whether if hes in the majority or not without directly asking. So I was like whats was the idol clue reward this time and he told me about how it has to do with whoever gets the lowest score in the challenge, which sounds super complicated bc if someone with the lowest score doesnt have the clue then no one gets the idol. And he gave the clue to me, and I wanna give it to QuilLynn but we dont need too many people throwing the challenge and if one of our alliance members already has it then it should be alright, and it'll keep up my trust with Ryan since Im not supposed to give it to anyone so Im hoping its a win win. but he told me that I wasnt supposed to tell anyone about what the reward was but before he told me that I had already told my alliance bc I think I trust them more oops? but I think I want to trust Ryan. I told him that I heard rumors about a cross tribe majority alliance but thats all I knew, and he told me about a group of mentors and students talk about a potential alliance and they asked Danielle about it and she told Ryan she would try to get him in if she could. So then I tried talking to Danielle just making small talk or whatever and she only gave one word answers, which was fucking weird? Like some shit is clearly going on that I dont know about? I can already tell im becoming messy af which I wanted to not try to do as much as I did last season but maybe im just naturally a messy player and theres nothing I can do about it lol. Anyway I hope the majority isnt something I should worry about and I hope they self destruct somehow or Im just hoping that it doesnt exist at all and it was just a rumor made up to scare people or some shit. 

[tumblunni]

Just started playing Princess Maker 1! its so surreal that we finally got an english translation of this like a decade after it was released, and way after the PM2 translation??

Mostly its kinda... ehhh. Its only interesting to a fan who wants to see what changed, its just 100% worse than PM2 in all ways. Unlike PM3/4/5, PM1 isnt like a different story or a new gameplay gimmick or anything, PM2 is almost literally an improved remake of a buggy game. I mean.. you have a different child character but the backstory is almost exactly the same even! And the gameplay and interface are sometimes almost unplayably awkward compared to PM2. ALSO JUST NO JUST NO There is a LOT of outright full-frontal nipnops for NO REASON. Its not even like it makes sense or anything, its just ‘hey 25% of all vacation images are goddamn pron and you’re playing the creepy lolicon roulette every time’. Same for random enemies being naked :P At least in PM2 the pervy fanservice nonsense was optional! So I’m probably only gonna play this once and then delete it forever and stick to PM2. I’m glad they changed the stuff they changed...

ANYWAY! Fun differences that are less frustratingbad! I tried to take screenies of em! The interface is way more minimal than PM2, with lots of stuff being crammed together in the same option. Its neat that you can click and drag the text boxes around, this was something that wasnt in PM2. (But was in PM3 and PM5 if i recall?) Its a bit annoying though that sometimes it is NECESSARY since the default text position covers up the damn interface. Everything is so cramped!!

Talking to your daughter is Weird, its pretty much 100% useless. Well, worse than useless, it can screw you over! Its a 50/50 chance that when you praise her she’ll either lose stress or lose STATS. Specifically the stats that determine stress in the first place! Since they have different names to PM2 I didnt realise my ‘spirit’ stat was basically consititution and I got it down to 0 by being too nice to my adopted daughter :P I guess maybe its cos she’s spoiled she becomes less able to handle stress...?

You dont collect new outfits at all, you just have four outfits to choose from right from the start. There doesnt seem to be any actual benefit to wearing particular clothes during the right seasons. And they all change in design every year, so its fun to click through them even if there’s no real point to it. The glamour/elegance boosting dresses are just consumeable items instead, you can buy multiple of them and they dissappear once you use them. IS SHE EATING THE DRESS??

The feature you get from talking to your daughter in PM2 is actually talking to the townsfolk in PM1. They tell you what she’s good and bad at, instead of her having voiced dialogue saying it directly to you.

Other misc stuff I’ve noticed but didnt catch a screenshot of:

I actually do quite like the one difference between the backstory in PM1 and PM2. In PM2 after saving the kingdom your knight dad character gets blessed with an angel child by the gods, in PM1 he just adopts a normal child. Its kinda more heartwarming that way, he just weeps at how many orphans were created by this war and decides to retire from knightdom and open an orphanage. It might be just one scene, but it gives the dad much more personality than the one in later games. ^_^

Winning the harvest festival gives you no prize money at all??? Its a bit more fun tho cos there’s a beauty contest where you can bribe the judges.

Its nice that the game still keeps running when you switch to another window, PM2 didnt have that. But in PM2 doing jobs has a cute animation and there’s a skip function, so you dont really need to flip to a browser while some long text scroll plays out :P

Being sick completely destroys you, you get a huge loss of EVERY STAT and have to sit through the full annoying animation of resting three times even though you dont have any stress left to recover. You just cant do anything else!

There also doesnt seem to be any way to recover from turning troublemaker and i have no idea what caused it?? Sitting here with no stress and she suddenly hates me. And it affects nothing, she still succeeds fine at work. Speaking of which, work failure seems to be random instead of related to high stress or stat levels???

its not just me,right? the weapon shop grumpy grandpa is really cute what a sweet man wish I could hug him! he’s also like The Best job, cos even though the stat he boosts is rather specific and lame he’s the only one that doesnt decrease another stat at the same time while also giving reasonably decent wages and having a low failure rate! hooray for mr gremp!

Oh, speaking of which! Battle stats work completely differently and are CONFUSING. No matter what i try, I’m still oneshotted by the weakest enemy in errantry :P You have this ‘exp’ stat instead of attack/defense/skill like in PM2, but even when you level up it doesnt seem to affect anything...

Oh, and all the jobs give different stats compared to other PM games, which is confusing. Innwork raises stamina, instead of farming (which is called lumberjack this time, rather than them being separate) And weapon shop raises that confusing EXP, and every job gives very low money with no way of gaining money from winning the festival, so the high priced sleazy bar job is way more tempting. We’re talking everyone else gives 50g or 100g a week and this one gives you 500g or more all at once! But its just so much more gross to do the ‘bad job that loses stats’ this time, since its heavily implied to be prostitution instead of just working at a bar. And this game is so much more pervy, gahhhh... But then you just get delinquent and sick for NO CONCEIVEABLE REASON, and being sick drops your stats practically to 0, and its so impossible to play this damn game that WHATEVER im gonna treat my daughter awful just so i don’t lose! >_< GAHHHHHH Its turning into like ‘the how to justify child labor slavery game’ :P

I dunno, maybe the game does still have a sin/karma stat but its hidden?? for some reason suddenly i cannot gain Morale points anymore, at all?? its SO CONFUSINGGGGGGGG the interface is SO CROWDED there’s no word wrapping! I DONT KNOW WHAT ANYTHING DOESSSSSS

the talking to the castle court thing is more like the badges in pokemon?? every single time you have to talk to everybody, you dont get to choose you just unlock more and more people as your elegance levels up

aaaaaand somehow my blundering through the game actually got a good ending?? O_O The duchess ending actually has a really interesting bit of epilogue! Your daughter wins her way into high society by sheer force of awesomeness, even though she was but a humble orphan. Its like the cinderella story but with a really badass sort of feminist twist! Yeah, your happy ending is marrying this dude, but its said that YOU saved HIM. Not by being a big masculine hero, but using the traditionally feminine marriage skills that you’ve been training throughout the whole game. Instead of just sitting around waiting for someone to whisk you off your feet because you’re beautiful and innocent, you meet a disgraced noble whose family has become poor, and after you marry him for love rather than nobility, your badass awesomeness actually rescues the family from bankrupcy! You act as super accountant and reestablish his noble reputation with your silver tongue, and singlehandedly restore the princess title all by yourself while your husband is all ‘omg i love my power wife’ It reminds me of Virion’s marriage endings in FE Awakening! So yeah, way better ending than just ‘you talk to the prince once a month for the whole game and then become a princess’, like im PM2.

[ase-trollplays]

-- tapeFace [TF] began pestering liberatedRaptor [LR] --

-- tapeFace [TF] began pestering liberatedRaptor [LR] -- -- tapeFace [TF]  violently kicks open your door -- TF: WYNTER HOLY SHIT (┛◉Д◉)┛ LR: CACOPH HOLY SHIT TF: I DID SOMETHING AMAZING LR: t e l l m e TF: I SASSED THE HELL OUT OF A SEADWELLER AND COMPLETELY SHUT HIM DOWN (ﾉ⊙ヮ⊙)ﾉ TF: Or, shut THEM down LR: HELL YEAH TF: I don't know if they're just a really feminine guy or nonbinary. LR: oh yes lets be conscious of pronouns and whatnot even if theyre a jerk LR: but you gotta gimme the DEETS TF: Hell yeah I do (⌐■_■) TF: Okay, so you know how sometimes people will just be like "Let me tell you my opinion of you" LR: i think thats a highblood thing TF: I've seen a couple of lowbloods do it. I mostly volunteer because I love the look of confusion and horror when people try to process how ridiculous I look ヽ(゜∇゜)ノ LR: such a powerful soul TF: Well, That seadweller did that, and he was as rude as I expected TF: Tonight, I decided to do the opinion thing, and he volunteered himself. TF: Dammit I did the pronoun thing TF: oops TF: Anyways, they volunteered and I thought it would be funny to lowkey roast them because they seemed pretty shallow TF: And OH MAN THEY DID NOT LET IT GO (ﾉ⊙ヮ⊙)ﾉ They looked so stunned and offended that I didn't blindly shower them with compliments LR: b r o TF: They started some nonsense about how I ~CLEARLY~ my opinion is just bullshit and I should be 『✧~*SO VERY GRATEFUL*~✧』 they humored me at all TF: And, as expected, they took a shot at my appearance because I literally open myself up to that TF: So I called them out on telling me how garbage and worthless my opinion is despite VERY OBVIOUSLY BEING UPSET ABOUT IT TF: And complimented them on how their face - At some point they got in a fight and got beat /bad/ - now matches their personality TF: They fire back AGAIN telling me how dumb I look as if I don't hear that all the time, and how they're ~*~such a pleasant good person~*~ any other time TF: Finally, I was just like TF: "Look my dude, I know how awful you must feel being the second-highest caste and dealing with lowbloods that don't blindly accept your crap. (″･ิ_･ิ)っIt's hard dealing with the consequences of being a vain asshole" TF: And played them a sad song on the ukulele and even pretended to shed a tear TF: AND THEY HAD NOTHING LEFT (ﾉ⊙ヮ⊙)ﾉ THEY JUST GOT PISSED AND STORMED OFF LR: im... so proud... oh my god... TF: I mean, what I actually said was way more awesome than what I typed, but believe me TF: It was amazing ಥ⌣ಥ LR: dont ever forget this oh my god LR: i wish i couldve been there TF: I wish you could've been there, too TF: I wish EVERYONE could have been there!! TF: And the best part is that other people that were just around and heard everything were giving me SO MANY PROPS LR: I BET THAT DUMBASS FISH FELT SO HUMILIATED TF: This night is getting marked on my calendar for ever ಥ⌣ಥ TF: HELL YEAH THEY DID TF: I'm honestly super glad it turned out so well. You hear so many stories about lowbloods doing what I just did and getting reduced to a smear on the ground (⊙﹏⊙✿) TF: I'm gonna have to look over my shoulder watching for hitmen probably LR: oh shit yeah dawg LR: whoops LR: although im guessing that they werent very physically imposing to begin with so TF: Nah. They were a stick like me TF: Though honestly, even I do get hitmen springing for me from the shadows, all I have to do is yodel and their heads will explode TF: I would really rather NOT do that (⊙﹏⊙✿) LR: FUCKING YODEL LR: im dyin LR: RIPme TF: THE MOST DEVASTATING YODELING LR: lethal yodeling.......................... TF: Or any noise, really. I've given people tinnitus from whispering before TF: I'm a dangerous man, Wynter. (≖︿≖✿) TF: A dangerous man with a mohawk and a mullet who cries when he steps on a ladybug LR: mullethawk LR: hey ladybugs are awesome LR: id cry too TF: OHHH, THE HORRIBLE GUILT ｡･ﾟﾟ･(>д<)･ﾟﾟ･｡ LR: RIP ladybug TF: Never Forget o(；﹏；)o LR: RIP IN SPAGHETTI NEVER FORGETTI TF: OR ELSE IT WILL BE YOUR WORST REGRETTI TF: So, how's your night been? You make it back hive and seen your friends and quadmates? (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ LR: im hiding out at a friend's place LR: im afraid of the wrath of my mate LR: shes gonna eat my face LR: my entire face LR: which sucks because it's a good face TF: Nooo, not your beautiful face! ( ﾟдﾟ) LR: YES my beautiful face -- tapeFace [TF]  faints dramatically, draping my body across the nearest piece of furniture -- LR: that would be the WORST POSSIBLE THING LR: then she'll be all like "Wynter i dont love you anymore because youre missing your face" LR: and ill be like "thats fair..................." TF: Truly a tragedy worthy of troll Shakespeare LR: someone write a book about my oncoming breakup TF: I will record your tragedy and pass it on from generation to generation so your tale will never be forgotten. ∩(︶▽︶)∩ LR: the world needs more folks like you bro TF: (;ω;✿) Aww, thanks man LR: shit LR: im LR: going LR: to LR: see LR: my LR: mate LR: heres hoping she doesnt eat my entire soul TF: GOOD LUCK!! TF: I'M ROOTING FOR YOU LR: i got LR: so yelled at LR: and she cried a lot LR: and basically im an ass LR: but she didnt break up with me :D TF: That's great! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ TF: Not so much the yelling and crying and feeling awful (ﾉ◕﹏◕)ﾉ TF: But she's still willing to give you another chance, which is awesome! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ LR: but do i deserve it :v TF: Well, yeah, you really do. (◡︿◡✿) Vanishing for who knows how long without telling her anything is No Bueno TF: But yelling and sad feelings still suck LR: im pretty glad i just get to live the rest of my life working in a bakery LR: (until she fires my sorry ass) TF: I'm sure she won't. I doubt she's spiteful enough to give you another chance then fire you from her bakery. TF: Granted, I don't know her or anything about her, but I'm sure she wouldn't do that. LR: well theres always the chance of me fuckin up again TF: I doubt you'll fuck up nearly bad enough to get fired compared to how bad you fucked up this time. TF: Give yourself a little credit (◕ω◕✿) LR: compared to how badly i fucked up this time LR: ur so SMRAT LR: im too cool to fire LR: (plus im damn good at baking) LR: (a bit of a liability with a knife tho) TF: (How so?) LR: (i dont feel pain so i have trouble being able to tell when ive cut myself) TF: (⊙︿⊙ That sounds incredibly inconvenient and dangerous) LR: (it is)

(((OOC: The chatlog had to end here because of interference by my five-year old niece requiring entertainment and supervision and everyone else in the house having already gone to bed.)))

[chaoticblip-blog]

smoking mirrors

I called my mom today... you guys dont know but let me give you a brief background. My mom raised me. My family isnt close. I was raised as an only child pretty much even though i have other siblings. I am the only one that is biracial so my brothers and sisters were astray living elsewhere my whole life. I was spoiled (obviously) by my mom and her boyfriend (who ended up sticking around from the time i was 8 until I turned 23...Long time. But in the midst of always going to the beach or getting what I wanted, I watch so many men come in and out of my moms room...so much going on. Some of the assholes would come and lay on the couch with me at night and touch me while I acted like I was asleep because well....I was only 10. What id give to see these men again today. I held it all in. Its old scars now, but theyre still there. I grew up, I moved out of my moms house and moved in with my then boyfriend. Still talked to her everyday and she was doing fine. It just seems like all of a sudden one day, every pill she had taken, every sip of alcohol she had drank (alcoholic and also addicted to pain meds) caught up with her. Literally felt like it happened over night. Started noticing she couldnt do simple things like tie her shoe, go to the restroom or take a shower. I withdrew because I didnt want to see the person that was always so strong and independent...need so much help. I completely withdrew eventually, after she had to move in with her mom because she lost her apartment. We later found out that she had dementia (she was only 54) and so did my gramma. They got worse together. The burden was on me because no one else in the family wanted to do anything about it or acknowledge that there was a big problem here. They fought everyday...I was always in the middle of it because I only lived about a mile away so I was constantly there breaking things up. Eventually it took a turn for the worse and my gramma had to go live in New Orleans with my aunt and my mom went to a nursing home. Meanwhile....I have no one to vent to and im holding all of this in and slowly but surely it was damaging me and fucking up every relationship I had with everyone. My kids and my then husband...I didnt want to be close to anyone. I needed an escape and I turned to alcohol for a while. Got divorced from my husband (still remain friends) moved out and moved on my own. All this is about 1 year after my mom got put in the nursing home. I completely shut down. Didnt call her, didnt go see her. In my head she was fine, they were taking care of her and I didnt go too deep into my thoughts because surface deep...shes fine (in my head). Pretty fucked up huh. I knew she was going downhill fast. I blocked it all out. Have not talked to or seen my mom in 2 years. She doesnt know who I am anymore. That hurts. I dont do well with hurt. I dont know how to place hurt into my life and cope with it. But today something just told me to call and talk to her. I called....she couldnt come to the phone. But when they told her it was her daughter she said... i dont have any kids. I could hear her in the background. Dementia is a hell of a disease. Terrifies me. But I am glad that I decided to call. Maybe im getting better. Im closing wounds. I know she doesnt have much longer. I need to see her. Im all alone in this cruel, huge world out here though. No family and a couple friends (one of which has been my friend for 25 years and knows my mom well) but I do have an awesome boyfriend that I even push away sometimes. I dont think he understands why. He knows about my mom but not to the full extent. Im not the opening up type. Do i hold resentment towards her and the rest of my family? YES! Im working on it though....bottom line is...I called my mom today.

#Life #FuckedUp #Damaged #Hurt #Healing #Love #Family #Pain #FindingMyself #Disfunctional #Mom #Dementia #FirstTimeBlogger #JustFreeingThougts #Platform #IloveHard #IHateHarder #Difficult #OverComing #iCalledMyMomToday 

[bronzeflower]

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Also on ao3

-----

Chapter 10: Romantic Advice And The Greatest Rap Battle In History

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: HEY, DAVE. CG: I TRIED TO TROLL YOU YESTERDAY, BUT IT SAID YOU WERE IDLE. CG: ARE YOU HERE NOW?

TG: you bet your bottom dollar im here TG: sorry for not answering yesterday btw TG: got distracted by a bunch of other people pestering and trolling me

CG: IT’S FINE. CG: WE ALL GET BOMBARDED BY OTHERS AT SOME POINT OR ANOTHER. CG: WHO DID YOU TALK TO?

TG: some of my friends who you also apparently know or knew TG: i learned a lot of shit yesterday TG: namely that all of my friends know who you are TG: jade knows who you are TG: john knows who you are TG: terezi knows who you are but that was kind of expected but i did not expect that you were friends with her since fucking kindergarten TG: and then also aradia apparently was friends with you in middle school????

CG: WHAT? CG: YOU TALKED TO ARADIA? CG: GEEZ, I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER IN AGES. CG: HAS SHE DIED YET?

TG: not that i know of TG: as far as i know she is as nice and cheerful as ever

CG: CHEERFUL? CG: CLEARLY WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE SAME ARADIA.

TG: so you arent talking about aradia megido here

CG: I AM, BUT CHEERFUL IS PROBABLY THE LAST WORD I WOULD USE TO DESCRIBE HER. CG: SHE WAS ALWAYS KIND OF CREEPY, AND SHE ACTED DEAD HALF THE TIME. CG: SHE ALSO DID A BUNCH OF CRAZY SHIT AS IF SHE COULDN'T DIE. CG: IT WAS, FRANKLY, EXTREMLY CONCERNING.

TG: that doesnt sound like the ara i know at all TG: except for the crazy shit part TG: she still does crazy shit TG: the ara i know is super fucking cheerful and happy TG: wait when you say she acted dead what do you mean

CG: I MEAN SHE ACTED LIKE EVERYTHING WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN. CG: IT WAS HONESTLY SUPER CREEPY. CG: THE ONLY TIME I REMEMBER THAT SHE SHOWED SOME EMOTION WAS WHEN EQUIUS TRIED TO ASK HER OUT. CG: TO BE FAIR, HE DIDN'T EXACTLY DO IT IN THE BEST WAY. CG: HE KIND OF DESERVED TO GET BEAT UP.

TG: holy shit TG: i dont know who the fuck equius is but what was the damage

CG: HE HAD A BROKEN BONE OR TWO, AND HE ALSO HAD TWO BLACK EYES. CG: WHICH WAS REALLY FUCKING IMPRESSIVE SINCE HE WAS SUPER FUCKING BUFF AND KNEW MARTIAL ARTS.

TG: can a middle school child be buff

CG: YES. APPARANTLY. CG: AND, AS MUCH AS NEPETA THOUGHT THE PAIRING WAS CUTE, SHE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE TO ADMIT THAT THE WAY EQUIUS ASKED ARADIA OUT WAS CREEPY.

TG: how did he even ask her out

CG: IT'S A MEMORY I PREFER TO KEEP REPRESSED.

TG: that bad

CG: YES. CG: IT WAS HORRIBLE TO WATCH, AND THEN ARADIA GOT SUSPENDED FOR AN AMOUNT OF TIME.

TG: she did it at school???

CG: SHE DID. CG: SHE ALSO DIDN'T OFFER ANY MERCY. CG: THE ONLY REASON THAT SHE STOPPED BEATING UP EQUIUS IS BECAUSE A TEACHER MANAGED TO PRY HER OFF HIM.

TG: jesus christ TG: i wasnt even sure that aradia was capable of being angry TG: she was clearly a very different kind of person when she knew you

CG: CLEARLY.

TG: also i dont know who nepeta is either

CG: SHE WAS EQUIUS'S MOIRAIL. CG: SHE STILL IS, AS FAR AS I KNOW. CG: I TALK TO HER SEMI-OFTEN. CG: I SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO HER MORE.

TG: how many of your friends from middle school do you still even know and talk to

CG: WELL, I STILL TALK TO NEPETA, KANAYA, TEREZI, SOLLUX, AND ERIDAN. CG: SOMETIMES I HAVE THE DISPLEASURE OF TALKING TO EQUIUS. CG: GAMZEE STILL CONTACTS ME SOMETIMES, BUT I TRY TO AVOID TALKING WITH HIM BECAUSE OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST. CG: I'VE BARELY HEARD ABOUT VRISKA SINCE SHE WENT TO JAIL FOR SOMETHING. CG: I CAN'T, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, REMEMBER FOR WHAT, BUT I THINK IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN FOR STEALING SOMETHING. CG: AND THEN I DON'T REALLY TALK TO FEFERI, TAVROS, OR ARADIA ANYMORE. CG: I THINK THAT'S BASICALLY EVERYONE I WAS FRIENDS WITH IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.

TG: holy shit thats a shit ton of people TG: when i was in middle school i was only friends with john jade and rose TG: and rose was my fucking twin and john and jade lived miles and miles away from me TG: and you still talk to a bunch of them TG: even if i dont know who most of them are but will probably find out eventually TG: i think john once dated a girl named vriska TG: dont know if it is the same one

CG: WAS SHE WEIRDLY OBSESSED WITH SPIDERS AND THE NUMBER EIGHT?

TG: she was actually

CG: THEN IT WAS THE SAME ONE I KNEW.

TG: shit TG: john still has lingering effects of her influence TG: like typing out eight characters when drawing words out

CG: WELL, SHE WASN'T DATING JOHN WHEN I MET HIM, SO SHE MUST HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF JAIL.

TG: well i guess that development is settled TG: i apparently know a fair amount of the people you knew TG: who would have guessed

CG: PROBABLY ANYONE WHO KNEW BOTH OF US CG: ALSO, COULD I ASK YOU FOR ARADIA'S TROLLHANDLE? CG: I WAS BEING SERIOUS WHEN I SAID I HADN'T TALKED TO HER IN AGES. CG: AND I DON'T KNOW IF SHE STILL HAS THE SAME TROLLHANDLE.

TG: sure thing dude TG: her trollhandle is apocalypsearisen

CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S STILL THE SAME. CG: I COULD HAVE CONTACTED HER AT ANY FUCKING TIME.

TG: i wouldnt worry about it that much TG: you probably just didnt want to risk contacting someone super weird who you didnt actually know anything about

CG: I GUESS, BUT STILL.

TG: besides it is super hard to get a hold of her at all so i only really ever talk to her like once every few months TG: she does all this archeology shit so half the time she is in a place with no internet

CG: OH. CG: I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE. CG: ARCHEOLOGY IS PRETTY COOL THOUGH.

TG: yeah she gets to lead expeditions and shit now its pretty fucking awesome TG: going around licking shit to see if something is a rock or a bone

CG: WHY THE FLYING FUCK WOULD YOU GO AROUND LICKING RANDOM THINGS TO SEE IF IT IS A ROCK OR A BONE?

TG: because if it is a bone then your tongue will stick TG: thats how you know its not going to be useless if you shove it into a museum

CG: THAT'S REALLY WEIRD.

TG: you havent even heard about licking some thousand or something year old honey to see if it was still good TG: spoilers TG: it was because honey never spoils

CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT.

TG: no man its one hundred percent true TG: complete and absolute fact

CG: I'M STILL GOING TO CALL BULLSHIT.

TG: dont say i didnt warn ya TG: one day youre going to be arguing with someone and then youll both look it up on wikipedia to see whos right TG: and low and behold you were wrong TG: you will have to live with that humiliation for the rest of your life

CG: I THINK I'LL GET OVER IT.

TG: wow okay

CG: ANYWAY, I'M GLAD ARADIA IS DOING SOMETHING THAT SHE PRESUMABLY ENJOYS WITH HER LIFE. CG: SHE DOES ENJOY HER JOB, RIGHT?

TG: hell yeah she does TG: every time i contact her we trade stories about things that have happened in the past few months TG: sometimes really dumb shit happens that we tell to our other friends TG: while others are closely guarded secrets that we only tell one another and they never see the light of day

CG: WHAT KIND OF SECRETS?

TG: secret secrets TG: the most secrety kind of secrets you could ever conceivably have and share with another living thing that has the capability to tell others your secret TG: except that you trust them enough not to tell anybody about it

CG: ARE YOU SURE YOU ONLY TALK TO HER ONCE EVERY FEW MONTHS?

TG: yeah i would like to talk to her more but she is a busy person and so am i TG: our schedules dont always line up TG: particularly because of her going to places where she doesnt have internet and is therefore unable to contact anybody

CG: THAT SOUNDS PRETTY SHITTY. CG: I CAN'T IMAGINE NOT TALKING TO KANAYA FOR MONTHS AT A TIME.

TG: its a system that works just fine for aradia and i TG: it would be nice to see her in person every now and then tho

CG: WAIT, I HAVE A QUESTION. CG: HOWEVER, IT MAY BE KIND OF PERSONAL, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.

TG: ill answer depending on the question so go ahead and shoot

CG: ARE YOU MOIRAILS WITH ARADIA? CG: BECAUSE A LOT OF THE STUFF YOU DESCRIBED TALKING TO HER ABOUT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING YOU WOULD ONLY EVER TELL YOUR MOIRAIL.

TG: oh um TG: moirail is like the intimate best friend right TG: like pale and shit

CG: YES. THAT IS THE QUADRANT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

TG: ... TG: i actually have no idea

CG: OKAY, SO IF YOU TWO AREN'T OFFICIAL MOIRAILS YET, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HER?

TG: shit man i dont know TG: i just kind of think that shes a cool person who i would prefer to hang out with more TG: but like i know that her job is important to her

CG: YES?

TG: i dont know its just like TG: it would be nice to hear more from her TG: just to know that shes alive and doing well and safe and shit TG: you know

CG: YES, I DO KNOW. CG: BECAUSE I HAVE A MOIRAIL, SO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT HERE.

TG: oh TG: huh TG: i feel like my previous definition is an intimate friend was kind of correct then TG: but like also kind of not TG: im not exactly sure how serious this kind of relationship is though

CG: IT JUST DEPENDS ON WHO YOU DECIDE TO BE MOIRAILS WITH. CG: FOR SOME PEOPLE, IT'S A VERY SERIOUS COMMITMENT, BUT, FOR OTHERS, IT'S MORE CASUAL. CG: SOME EVEN WANT TO HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP, WHICH IS MORE COMMON WITH HUMANS, BUT WHATEVER. CG: REALLY, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO ARADIA ABOUT THIS AND TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL. CG: IF THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BEEN SHARING SECRETS LIKE YOU SAID YOU WERE, THEN SHE PROBABLY FEELS THE SAME WAY. CG: ALTHOUGH, THE RELATIONSHIP MAY BE DIFFICULT TO MAINTAIN BECAUSE OF DISTANCE. CG: ON THE OTHER HAND, YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER HASN'T BEEN DIMINISHED FROM TIME AND DISTANCE, SO IT MIGHT HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO TURN INTO A STRONG MOIRALLEGIANCE.

TG: i think im going to think on it for a bit longer TG: but thanks anyway for the relationship advice

CG: OF COURSE. CG: ROMANCE IS MY FORTE.

TG: speaking of romance though TG: talk to me about your novel TG: it sounds pretty interesting from what little i have heard about it TG: and based on the amount of writing i have read from you its really good TG: so you should totally yell at the top of your lungs about it TG: shout your passions to the world and if anyone gives you shit about it punch them

CG: I DO THAT ANYWAYS. CG: I HAVE PUNCHED MULTIPLE PEOPLE. CG: THERE IS REALLY NO NEED TO ENCOURAGE IT.

TG: thats the spirit TG: so novel time TG: lay out your outline of novel in amazing detail for me TG: or whatever amount you feel comfortable with TG: really there isnt any pressure or anything

CG: FINE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO INSISTENT. CG: THE BASIC SETTING OF MY NOVEL IS THAT TWO INDIVIDUALS MEET WHILE IN COLLEGE. CG: THEY MEET IN A TEA SHOP BECAUSE I CAN DO WHAT I WANT. CG: SO ANYWAY, WHEN THEY FIRST MEET, THEY FUCKING HATE EACH OTHER. CG: THEY'RE JUST COMPLETE OPPOSITES, BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT A BUNCH OF THEIR FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER, SO THEY END UP SPENDING MORE TIME TOGETHER. CG: THE MORE TIME THEY SPEND TOGETHER, THE MORE THEY REALIZE THAT THEY ACTUALLY LIKE THE OTHER PERSON. CG: WHICH EVENTUALLY LEADS TO THEM FALLING IN LOVE AND BEGINNING TO DATE.

TG: that sounds super interesting TG: infinitely better than that bullshit in romance novels where they fall in love with each other instantly and then spend most of the novel skirting around each other and beating around the bush TG: i havent actually read any romance novels but im pretty sure that is how it goes

CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH HOW IT GOES USUALLY. CG: AS MUCH AS A LOVE ROMANCE BOOKS AND MOVIES, THAT TROPE IS PRETTY FUCKING ANNOYING. CG: IT'S LIKE, JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER, YOU COMPLETE DOUCHNOZZLES! CG: OKAY, SO I MAY NOT BE THE BEST PERSON TO SAY THAT, BUT STILL! CG: I GOT BETTER! CG: I ASKED OUT KANAYA, AND IT WAS GREAT!

TG: really

CG: YES. CG: PEOPLE ALWAYS SEEM TO THINK THAT KANAYA WAS THE ONE WHO ASKED ME OUT, BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE. CG: I GATHERED UP THE NERVE, AND I TOLD HER THAT I WAS PALE FOR HER. CG: YEAH, *SOME* PEOPLE MAY CALL MY APPROACH A TAD BIT EXTRA, BUT I WAS TRYING TO BE ROMANTIC, GODDAMNIT!

TG: how exactly are you supposed to be romantic with pale romance

CG: I GAVE HER SOME FLOWERS, WHICH CAN BE USED TO EXPRESS FEELINGS FOR ANY AND ALL THE QUADRANTS. CG: TYPICALLY PEOPLE JUST WRAP THE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS IN A COLORED WRAP THAT REPRESENTS THEIR FEELINGS. CG: RED FOR RED, PINK FOR PALE, BLACK FOR BLACK, AND GRAY FOR ASHEN. CG: I HAPPENED TO ALSO CHOOSE FLOWERS THAT WERE MEANINGFUL AS WELL, SO THE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS I GAVE KANAYA HAD YELLOW ROSES, AND IT ALSO HAD SOME CHRYSANTHEMUMS.

TG: what do those mean

CG: YELLOW ROSES MEAN FRIENDSHIP, WHILE CHRYSANTHEMUMS MEAN SUPPORT. CG: I TRIED TO AVOID ANY FLOWERS THAT MEANT LONGEVITY AND STUFF LIKE THAT BECAUSE THOSE CAN MAKE YOU LOOK DESPERATE. CG: YOU ONLY GIVE THOSE SORTS OF FLOWERS TO SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN YOUR MOIRAIL FOR A REALLY LONG TIME. CG: IT IS ALSO TRADITIONAL FOR THE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS TO BE TIED WITH TWO RIBBONS, ONE WITH YOUR BLOOD COLOR, AND THE OTHER WITH THE OTHER'S BLOOD COLOR. CG: SOME PEOPLE DO DIFFERENT KNOTS TO REPRESENT DIFFERENT THINGS, BUT I WON'T GET INTO THAT.

TG: this all sounds really fucking complicated

CG: YEAH, WELL THAT IS PROBABLY WHY PEOPLE CALLED ME EXTRA. CG: BUT, IN ADDITION TO THE FLOWERS, IT IS ROMANTIC TO BRING THE PALE ROMANTIC INTEREST THEIR COMFORT FOOD, ALONG WITH ONE OF THEIR FAVORITE MOVIES OR BOOKS. CG: IT SHOWS THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW THE PERSON FAIRLY WELL, AND WOULD LIKE TO PURSUE A PALE RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. CG: SO, I BROUGHT KANAYA HER COMFORT FOOD AND HER FAVORITE BOOK.

TG: i assume she responded positively since you two are now moirails

CG: YES. CG: WE HAD A VERY ENJOYABLE DATE.

TG: are there any nuances about the other quadrants i should know about

CG: IT DEPENDS ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE WILLING TO DO A BLACK OR ASHEN RELATIONSHIP. CG: MOST PARTICIPATE IN THE MORE RED QUADRANTS, BUT MANY FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THE DARKER ONES. CG: TO BE FAIR, THEY ARE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO KEEP UP BECAUSE THEY REQUIRE A PROPER RIVALRY. CG: THE BASIC STIRRINGS OF BLACK FEELINGS IS A FEELING OF RESPECT FOR THE OTHER PERSON. CG: YOU CAN'T HAVE A PROPER RIVALRY IF YOU DON'T RESPECT THE OTHER PERSON AND RECOGNIZE THAT THEY HAVE GOOD TRAITS. CG: THE MORE MAJOR FEELINGS THAT TEND TO GET UP PLAYED ARE THE FEELINGS OF ANIMOSITY TOWARDS THE OTHER PERSON. CG: HOWEVER, PEOPLE SEEM TO FORGET THAT THE RESPECT PLAYS A HUGE PART IN BLACK ROMANCE. CG: THE ASHEN QUADRANT IS EVEN MORE DIFFICULT BECAUSE IT TAKES THE BLACK QUADRANT AND ADDS ANOTHER PERSON TO MAKE SURE THAT THE KISMESISES DON'T KILL EACH OTHER. CG: SOMETIMES, THE HAPPENINGS OF A PITCH RELATIONSHIP IS DEPENDENT ON HOW GOOD THE AUSPISTICE IS. CG: AND THERE ARE VERY FEW GOOD AUSPISTICES, MUCH LESS PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY INTERESTING IN BEING ONE. CG: KANAYA IS ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE I KNOW WHO ACTUALLY HOLDS AN INTEREST IN BEING AN AUSPISTICE, SO SHE KNOWS MORE ABOUT IT.

TG: well thats a shit ton of information TG: i think i need my info a bit more spread out and a bit more simply worded TG: although it might just be because i have a hard time wrapping my mind around this black romance stuff TG: i think ill stick with the red quadrants thank you very much

CG: WELL, IF YOU EVER NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT QUADRANTS AND THE ROMANCE ASSOCIATED WITH EACH OF THEM, THEN I'M THE PERSON TO GO TO.

TG: i think i got that with the first word about quadrants that decided to waterfall out of your mouth

CG: THAT IS BECAUSE I AM SUPERIOR WHEN IT COMES TO KNOWLEDGE ABOUT QUADRANTS.

TG: yes you are TG: bow down to the great king of quadrants everybody TG: his greatness and might are too glorious to behold TG: youve got to fuckin look in the corner of your eyes to even begin to behold his beauty and glory TG: all hail the king of the quadrants

CG: FUCK YES. CG: BOW DOWN TO ME, PEASANTS, FOR I AM YOUR GOD. CG: QUIVER BEFORE MY MIGHT.

TG: they quiver before you my liege TG: they are fearful of the power you possess

CG: OKAY, THIS IS SOUNDING WAY TOO MUCH LIKE ONE OF NEPETA'S ROLEPLAYS, SO I'M GOING TO PUT A STOP TO IT HERE. CG: JUST, STOP.

TG: oh shit if nepeta does this kind of roleplay shit im going to need a way to contact her

CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I EVER WANT TO GIVE YOU THE MEANS TO TALK TO HER.

TG: because you want your friends to meet each other

CG: NOT REALLY. CG: ANYTIME THAT HAPPENS, THE TWO END UP GETTING ALONG INSUFFERABLY WELL, AND THEY END UP MAKING ME SUFFER.

TG: i guess ill just have to find another way to get her contact information

CG: GOOD FUCKING LUCK WITH THAT. CG: BUT SERIOUSLY, IF YOU END UP TALKING TO NEPETA, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TALK TO EQUIUS AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER. CG: THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS EXTREMELY SERIOUS. CG: THE TWO ARE SO PALE FOR EACH OTHER IT'S ALMOST SICKENING. CG: YOU MIGHT END UP WITH A BROKEN HAND.

TG: what for talking to nepeta TG: that seems like a dick move

CG: NO, IT WON'T BE FOR TALKING TO NEPETA. CG: IT WILL JUST BE FOR MEETING HIM. CG: HE HAS A REALLY STRONG HANDSHAKE. CG: DO NOT USE YOUR DOMINATE HAND WHEN GIVING HIM A HANDSHAKE.

TG: ... TG: ill keep that in mind TG: btw i want to know something TG: has rose pestered you yet

CG: WHY WOULD SHE PESTER ME?

TG: so she hasnt TG: she found out it was going to be kanayas bday soon and she was freaking out about it TG: because she didnt know what to get kanaya TG: i told her to contact you since you are moirails with kanaya

CG: KANAYA WOULD BE OVERJOYED JUST BEING GIVEN A GIFT FROM ROSE. CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT ROSE IS FREAKING OUT ABOUT.

TG: thats what i said TG: but yeah you should probably message her just to make sure she hasnt gone into solitude about it

CG: HAS SHE ACTUALLY GONE INTO SOLITUDE FOR THINGS LIKE THAT?

TG: no TG: she mostly goes into solitude near a book deadline TG: but still TG: it is a concern of mine

CG: ALRIGHT. CG: I'LL TRY TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER. CG: WHAT'S HER HANDLE?

TG: tentacletherapist

CG: I GUESS I'LL GO MESSAGE HER NOW. CG: I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

TG: see ya my dude

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

You begin to brainstorm ideas for possible videos for your channel in the future, and you kept this up for about an hour before someone started messaging you.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

GA: This Is Dave Correct GA: I Am Kanaya Just In Case You Did Not Recognize My Handle

TG: yep this is dave TG: whats up kanaya what do you need

GA: I Do Not Actually Need Anything From You GA: I Simply Wanted To Make Sure That I Had The Handle Right Before Contacting You In The Future GA: However I Would Not Be Adverse To A Conversation

TG: well lets see what could we possibly talk about TG: there are a shit ton of potential topics we could discuss TG: and yet my brain is coming up blank TG: despite all my swank this shit aint ready to bank TG: the topics at hand are inside the void TG: were reaching for them grabbing at them TG: but we miss more than a storm trooper droid TG: we pick up a topic and were like oh shit we grabbed it TG: only for it to slip out of our hands and end up cracking it

GA: Do You Happen To Partake In The Art Of Slam Poetry

TG: thats like the troll way of saying rap right TG: hell fucking yeah i do TG: do you want to do a rap battle with me

GA: I Do Not Do This Sort Of Thing Very Often But I Would Like To Accept Your Challenge GA: Would You Rather You Or I Go First

TG: if youre feeling up to it you can go first

GA: If You Insist GA: Here I Go GA: The World Was Created A Long Time Ago GA: And Yet It Has No Time For Your Parlor Tricks GA: All They Do Is Make Us Sick GA: The Stars Align And They Make Me Shine GA: Far Brighter Than The Sun That I Have Claimed As Mine GA: You Seem To Have The Belief That You Are Better Than I GA: But I Regret To Inform You That I Will Make You Cry

TG: holy shit that was great TG: but frankly i have to reiterate TG: my rhymes are slick and holding to a beat TG: theres not a lot of thinking that goes into what im bringing TG: theres no time to think no time to meet TG: just listen to the words here that i here am singing TG: youve got to have more than rhymes to kick my ass TG: and frankly based on that youre not gonna last TG: cause my beats are sick so sick in fact TG: that my old raps are practically some cool artifact

GA: That Youre Raps Are An Artifact You Have Correct GA: But I Have To Inform You That You Need To Double Check GA: What You Think It Means At Least GA: For I Believe They Were Thrown In The Garbage Yesterday GA: You Should Feel Horrid If That Is The Case GA: That Is Where They Were Meant To Be Anyway GA: Mine However Are The Hottest You Ever Will See GA: And If You Say Otherwise All Will Disagree

TG: my rhymes may be trash but theyre ironically shitty TG: just wait and see if you can reach my level of petty TG: my beats made of coal and with enough pressure and heat TG: my beats will be the most beautiful diamonds on the street TG: ill be forever engrained in the earth TG: youll be the one always waiting around for a rebirth

GA: Im Going To Have To Say I Agree Your Rhymes Are Shitty GA: Theyre Gritty And Im Pretty GA: And Im Worth More Than Being Just Petty GA: Youre Admitting That Your Trash GA: You Might As Well Be Ash GA: Ive Won Already So I Hope That You Are Ready GA: Your Diamonds Are Fake As Is Your Declaration GA: Just Pack Up Your Bags Youre Leaving The Station

TG: okay okay i yield TG: leaving the station now TG: didnt even pack my bags thats how roasted my ass got TG: your rhymes are too sick for me to handle TG: like holy shit where did you learn to rap like that

GA: I Dabble In The Art Of Slam Poetry And The Art Of Poetry Alike GA: Not As Often As I Would Like Though GA: Perhaps We Can Do This Again Another Time

TG: i will totally take you up on your offer TG: its been a while since ive had a worthy opponent TG: especially one that beat me into the ground so soundly

GA: I Will Continue Honing My Skills

TG: and ill do the same over here

GA: It Was Enjoyable Talking With You GA: Or In This Case Slamming With You GA: I Will Contact You In The Future

TG: wait hold on before you go TG: karkat mentioned a friend named nepeta and i want to get her contact info TG: do you have this information

GA: Her Trollhandle Is ArsenicCatnip GA: However I Do Not Know Why Karkat Would Withhold This Information From You

TG: i think he might have been worried how well we would get along

GA: I Still Do Not Understand GA: I Should Be Going Now GA: I Will Message You Again In The Future

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

Well, you guess it’s time to message Nepeta for the first time.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC] --

TG: yo youre nepeta right TG: i heard about you from my friend karkat who is also your friend TG: i got your handle from kanaya tho because karkat refused TG: he said he didnt want to bring the powers that we have together TG: well i said fuck that and so here i am pestering you

AC: :33 < i am nepeta, but who are mew?

TG: oh shit TG: i guess i completely forgot to introduce my awesome self TG: im dave TG: nice to meet you

AC: :33 < its nice to m33t you too! AC: :33 < how did you and karcat meet? AC: :33 < he doesnt really talk to anyone outside his furiend group

TG: i met him at his work and i kinda rambled a shit ton like i always do TG: and i made him laugh and i gave him my chumhandle

AC: :33 < ! AC: :33 < you made him laugh? AC: :33 < i almost nefur hear him laugh beclaws he just wants to be all grumpy all the time

TG: it might of just been because he was at work and didnt feel like risking yelling at me TG: which he does all the time TG: anyway i heard you like roleplaying with people

AC: :33 < i do! AC: :33 < would mew like to rolepurrlay with me?

TG: hell yes

AC: :33 < i usually rolepurrlay as a cat AC: :33 < what would mew like to be?

TG: shit if were going to be doing animals and shit then i want to be a crow TG: crows are the shit TG: you can start if you want to

AC: :33 < *ac crouches behind some bushes, watching her unsuspecting prey*

TG: *tg stands there pecking at the ground or some shit*

AC: :33 < *when ac is sure the crow isnt suspecting it, she pounces!*

TG: *tg squawks as ac attacks him he is completely fucking oblivious to how this could have possibly happened*

AC: :33 < *ac successfurlly holds the crow in her claws, purrparing to eat her dinner*

TG: *tg begs that ac does not eat him over and over he shouts to not be eaten by her*

AC: :33 < *ac carefurlly considers not eating the crow* AC: :33 < *in the end, howefur, ac opens her maw and asks if the crow would like to watch a documentary about animals!*

TG: *tg stares in disbelief at his tactic of begging actually working* TG: *not wanting to give ac any reason to eat him he accepts her invitation* TG: *he says that he would love to*

AC: :33 < *ac says that this rolepurrlay was furry fun!*

TG: *tg says ditto and would like to do this again sometime*

AC: :33 < *ac agrees but must go now so she will troll you again in the furture*

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

Well, that was pretty fun. Soon enough, you both will be able to use your powers for evil. And by evil, you mean to annoy Karkat, at least a little bit. Maybe you could invite them both out at some point.

You hear the doorbell ring, and you go to the door to find a package at your doorstep. Sweet. More stuff to review for your channel. As if you didn’t have enough shit already.

You set up your recording stuff and start recording. You open the box in absolute silence and slowly pull out the merchandise. It’s a rug. A very, very soft rug.

“The first carpet industry was made in 1791 by a dude named William Sprague in Philadelphia. However, it isn’t the United States that make the best rugs. Eastern counties actually have the best carpets, like India. They make a hell of a lot of rugs. This rug isn’t from India though. It’s just a really soft rug. Look how soft that shit is. Softer than the nicest goddamned silk in the world.”

You rub the carpet against your face.

“Just be sure to take off all the tags so you can get the full sensory experience of the rug. Now, of course, I can’t just keep rubbing my face against this lovely carpet. I’ve got to put it on the floor where it can do what it’s supposed to do. Be a rug.”

You place the carpet on the floor and step on it. You wriggle around your toes.

“Still just as amazing on my feet as it was on my face. Though, you might not want it to rub your face against it once you’ve rubbed your feet on it. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. I’m not judging. But you might want to wash it.”

After a few more minutes of rambling on about the texture and color and other sensory stuff about the carpet before stopping the recording.

Time to edit the fuck out of this shit. After you find a place for the pink carpet you bought. It was way too nice to throw away, and pink is a great color.

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #9: "we're here for the messy bitch game play right" - Annabelle

Tribal was f*ckin wild. Like didnt see that coming and Nicole we literally never talked so dont come for me. 👏

So far Nicole’s attempt hasnt affected anything. And plus Sharky took more of the heat and more blood on his hand and I did for coming up with the Nicole vote. Like im scream team to the end but like it works better for me if people dont see me as a huge threat right now unlike Sharky. I think i might be in a good spot and with an advatage with this immunity hopefully i can win.

Well... I refuse to be booboo the fool right now. I have conflicting information currently about who voted me so guess what? I am not gonna trust anyone LMAO. Everyone is denying and pointing the fingers at others and its fucking pissing me off. Like just own up to voting me so i can have a clear target my fucking god. Like goodbye see you soon!

from my confessional cause i just went off in it LOL about the last tribal: i know brian and sharky did not vote me nate and bryce are being fishy maynor seems non exsistant keaton is literally opening his big mouth and getting himself in more trouble i trust anna enough and nick thinks he is "iconic" for an idol play like boi con-fucking-gratulations that you can do something many have done before you

Like, im so done with these people, just let me play my idol in peace smh

So I basically threw this challenge. I just put myself for most of the positives and I put Keaton for most of the negatives. With a few random answers sprinkled in. I get so nervous about really trying on Touchy Subjects because Im worried about revealing my alliances and stuff. This way I just look cocky. And Keaton and I are already on bad terms so me putting him for the negatives might piss him off but probably not anyone else. Ugh

ok so me snapping and voting matt is really annoying KJFHDSAKJFDHS idk why i did that! i was crazy back then... so current thinking is that me/matt/keaton voted matt. and then nicole did keaton and everyone else did nicole. i dont think anyone suspects me but like they woudlnt tell me if they do FJKASDHFKJ apparently matt thinks that nathan did it and anna thinks that it was keaton and maynor and im just like :| FSAJDHFKD. also this comp is about to ruin me like my answers are def gonna make ppl hate me and plus i wrote myself for some good ones which i never do but idk im just really feeling myself so cant wait for the crushing weight of reality to knock me down a peg or two when i get like "next voted out" "doesnt deserve to be here" AFJKSDFHKAJ but maybe not... anyways i recently got obsessed with shakira again like.. im thriving

https://i.imgur.com/5o6sz3j.png when i tell u i screamed JKDFASHKJAD

Okay so Touchy Subjects ALWAYS blows up my game. Like I got all the ones that make people target you. Running the Game. Biggest Snake. Physical Threat. I even somehow managed to get "Trust the Most" and "Best Liar". HOW!? And now I'm super worried because if I wasn't on everybody's radar before I sure am now. And I have no idea who I can trust after those rogue Matt votes. I even feel slightly sketched out by Nick. He's acting...weird. And he keeps telling everyone there is a war between me and Keaton. Which I guess is sort of true because Keaton is throwing my name out there. And obviously I would rather him go. 

everyone is so extra JKDAHSKFJ matt making a post about how the ppl who are lying and saying they didnt vote him are personally effecting him are terrible like.. ok sorry for not exposing myself get over it u got 3 votes one of which were ur own and maybe if u were more active and didnt reply with one word responses no matter how hard i tried to get u to speak i wouldnt have thrown the vote on u. im just like so over his entitledness that ppl confess to him like who do u think u are KJFHADKJFDH. i feel like maybe im being too mean so if matt reads this after the game im sure ur just in ur feelings or w/e and u did say u had personal stuff going on but like thats not an excuse to go on tirades in the tribe chat when no one but u cares.

keaton is the worst person ive ever met (and i know zach :s) weird of him to choose white ppl saying the n word as his hill to die on but um i got the cannon ready to aim and hes going :airplane: to jury.

OK, so basically Annabelle wins immunity!  Good for her, but she's literally not doing enough for me to feel beyond happy for her kjHD... like she's nice and I like her, but at the end of the day, I really don't think she's doing much to propel herself and she's just getting kinda lucky... considering the first and now second immunity have been somewhat luck based... ya....

Keaton's the name being thrown into the mix already (it's only 9:11pm), and I really am fine with that this time around!  I like him, but I think he's just someone who can easily go now and it not be bad for me in the future.  He's already thrown out Sharky's name and basically called out Sharky to his face, so I'm kinda shaking in my booties.  As long as it ain't me, I'm happy enough to listen, but I just don't want any big surprises like the Matt votes, again.

Sharky has been thrown out as the biggest threat in this game right now, and while I think it's very apparent to everyone, I can't have him going anywhere right now.  No fucking way.  I love the shark man.  He's my favorite... he cannot go anywhere... I need him!!  So buh-fucking-bye, Keaton!  I may like you, but it's not enough to keep you.

Keaton is trash.

Let me elaborate on my previous confessional. So first Keaton tries to call me out for mentioning his name which I didn't do (I did admit to it to save the drama so thats partially on me) but he tries to call me out in public after the vote. Gross. Then after the challenge he starts gunning for me hard. He wants to claim I was doing the same but I wasn't gunning for him very hard. Because i didn't care if he went. He wasn't an ally but he wasn't a threat either. until he started trying to tear me down. Also let's be clear this all started because EVERYONE thinks he's rude and annoying. Then he tries to come for me in pms calling me out for spreading lies. Which again I NEVER DID. So I straightened him out on that. Then he tries to do the "If I don’t get you out now I never will and then we all lose." which is BULLSHIT. Don't get mad and angry with me just because I'm playing better than you. CHILDISH. Then in the tribe chat he says "As a player he can burn. As a person he's enjoyable." IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME HATE HIM!? First of saying I can burn makes me want to really drag him. Also bro you and i don't talk you don't know shit about me as a person. You did that just to feed this "Feud" thats going on. STFU. Bye. Whichever one of us goes I'm glad I won't have to talk to his KIRBY LOOKING ASS anymore. I wish Marie had stayed.

Okay I can't lie I'm super nervous about this vote. I just don't trust anyone. I'm talking to Annabelle now and was like "I'm down to vote for anybody" because I'm not sure where she's at and I want her to know I am a vote for her.

Well. Good thing is that i wasnt dragged with with what Nicole said which is good with me. I didnt get any touchy subject which is also great. My two best allies Sharky and Keaton both did which means they’ll be targeted before I do. Which is awesome. Me and Nathan dont want to see Keaton go so we got Annabell and Bryce to be with us for a 5 person voting block thats going after Matt. Thats right, Matt is going home. Keaton plan was to try and distract Sharky and fight with him and have both of their names on the chopping block. This means that Matt wont see this blindside happening. And if Sharky has an idol, he’ll waste it cuz he won’t be getting any votes. Its gonna sbe wild af. Be ready.

Its been very quiet this morning. The plan has been set so im hoping that nothing else shatters the plan. The idol search doesnt like me as it likes Nick. Only thing i found was an advantage for next immunity which was an extra point butnit was touchy subject so i kinda threw it cuz said my name for the ones i felt where really bad. And i want to give a shout out for host Drew. You are an amazing and cool person.

OK, so Nathan has been going behind me and Sharky's back to target Matt... and I'm just shook to my fucking core.... bless Annabelle's big heart for telling Sharky because it gave us some room to snap hard.  I know Matt has an idol, and I cannot wait for him to pull it out at tribal.  I think that Nathan is thinking very short term and thinking him not telling me and Sharky is just some move he can make on his own, but as the Touchy Subjects' results showed us, Nathan thinks he's running the game but Sharky is actually doing it.  Getting this info... what a fucking legend...

Annabelle doesn't want to be screwed because of this whole situation so Sharky wants to avoid voting Nathan out but I lowkey don't care.  Nathan keeping me out of the conversation makes me lose all trust in him.  I know I'm not the target, but it doesn't change the fact that he's trying to run the game behind my back.  It's not going to work, sir.  It won't.

Ok... I'm angry, but I'm going to have to control that anger and turn it into making the best decision for my game and that will be to work with Matt and Sharky till the end.

Brace yourself this is going to be a LONG ONE. So last night I basically went to Anna and tried to save my ass because I really haven't been sure how genuine our alliance was because of our history together. She basically kept saying she was in a tough spot and this and that and so I outright asked her if she was considering voting for me. And she was like absolutely not. Which is such a relief. HOWEVER! She confesses that Nathan has created a secret plan to vote out Matt. He specifically told everyone not to tell me and Brian about it. EXCUSE ME? Aren't we in an alliance dude? So thats really pisses me off. But supposedly they have the majority for this plan. So that means I don't have to worry about myself as much. But I don't want Matt to go. Especially after this proved that he's one of the only ones I trust. So I'm thinking out of 9 votes we have 3 we can maybe use the steal a vote or something to try and get a majority. CUT TO THIS MORNING. I tell Brian about this secret plan and Brian tells me Matt has a freakin idol!!! So now we can use his idol and even if there are 5 votes left Matt/Brian/Myself control that vote then. Now the tough part...I need the vote to stay on Keaton because if it goes to anybody else Anna is going to think I screwed her over. And I promised her that her telling me wouldn't bite her in the ass. I also need this to stay TOP SECRET because if anyone finds out I leaked the plan they are going to come after me and I love Matt but I don't want to destroy my game to save him. So we need to have Matt use his idol and all 3 of us need to vote for Keaton.

God these people. I am VERY sure I am getting votes tonight and it's ok. Why? Cause I have an idol fuck these cunts. If not the WOOO love a minority!

i'm playing a super dangerous game right now but it's ok hopefully it works out we're here for the messy bitch game play right and i also just like play better in chaos so let's keep it that way once the game gets boring people will think of me.

Y'all I'm feeling real shitty about this week. I still feel super in danger. i feel like everyone is lying to my face. But I'm also worried for Matt. Luckily he has an idol so he'll be safe but the fact that he's catching votes at all is concerning. I hope it's Keaton going out but you just truly never know. This could be my time.

So it seems Matt might be an option for the vote but the questions I have are: Do I trust Matt enough to tell him he’s getting votes? Am I willing to make an early move? How will this will effect me moving forward? And when thinking between Keaton and Matt... I think I know my decision…

The shit hit the fan. Somehow Nick knows the hidden real plan that it was going to be Matt tonight. Keaton keeps lying to Bryce that he’s doing Sharky but Bryce is the number we have to have majority over Matt. Keaton is being sketchy kinda. Hopefully the plan goes according and Matt goes because last time he was doing a witch hunt for those 2 votes. Im going to be drinking at tribal tonight. Shit is too stressful.

Keaton is idoled out in a 6-3 vote.

[survivor-switzerland]

EPISODE 6: LIKE I’M SPEAKING SPANISH IN REVERSE OR SOMETHING - LILY

I’m really starting to fear for my position in this game. It seems like nobody really is trusting me enough to let me know where the votes are actually going, they just kinda let me PM them and nod their heads like I’m speaking Spanish in reverse or something. For two tribal councils IN A ROW I was just left on the sidelines, having no idea at all about where everyone’s votes were actually going. I just had to bank on the idea that people weren’t lying to me, which… isn’t always true, I guess? Anyway, if I’m the next to be voted out, don’t be shocked or anything lmao

i love amanda, drew and abbey, and i love daisy

So another OG Matterhorn got voted out. It’s kind off that Daisy was voted out because according to Ash, Daisy is close with Logan and he has his hands in like a dozen jars.

Now I’m sitting out for this challenge because I’m at the beach and literally have no chance on getting a score so bless that we won the previous immunity.

I’m hoping the rest of my tribe pull through because I don’t wanna go to tribal council and because I don’t know what to do if tribal comes.

On one hand Zack is a threat because he’s shady and the other is Dom who’s apparently (according to Tyler) is forming alliances left and right. Plus Dom is another one of Logan’s underlings. There’s also Max who is like… meh??? Mess.

My new alliance which is H4rmony is awesome!! I love them all and I can’t believe it took me this long to actually have a solid alliance. We’re looking good because no one really suspects us working together so hopefully it stays that way. I’m praying we’ll be successful as Port Mafia!! Woo shout out to JENN, EDDIE, NICOLE, GENKI and JUNIOR!! <3

Voting Daisy out last round was really tough for me. Part of me kind of regrets it because I think she meant it when she called me out and told me that she trusted me 100% in this game but part of me thinks it could have been the right choice because looking ahead, Daisy is a dangerous player so it was smarter to get her out now. Looking ahead, Logan and Nick really need to be broken up. A strong duo like that still remaining in the game is scary and it’s about time that an original Monte Rosa goes home already.

Looking at it, if we lost the immunity challenge I want something like this:

Votes for Logan or Nick: Abel, Luke, Renee, Lily, Benjamin

Votes for Abel: Logan, Nick

maybe idk whew

Nervous about this challenge so I’m hoping we win again!!! The hosts are completely whack too btw!! What were they on when we get idol clue that allows us chance for idol if we throw challenges???? Luckily I am loyal af to my tribe unlike I’m sure many others. I may not have idol but at least I haven’t betrayed anyone yet. I’m happy with that.

IM SO HAPPY WE WON! THESE BITCHES CAN’T GET RID OF ME JUST FUCKING YET. I’m hoping there’s a swap next because I feel like I’d be with people i can trust either way. Hopefully I’d be able to reconnect with Logan, Nick, Ben, and Luke. I trust those 4 the most (and ashley sarah of course i love her so much)

Lily doesnt want to work with me anymore because I basically have lied to her about the past two votes.. which is fine because we lost immunity and she is probably going home… I just hope we can have a nice clean vote this time, I dont want none of that crazy sheeeet.

Me seconds before immunity results: OMG I feel like we’re gonna lose asdfghjk

Me later:

WTF? Max DID that!! I can’t believe we pulled off a win!! Woo bless them all and rip Zack’s keyboard.

So now these sadistic hosts wants us to rank our tribemates from 1 - 7 with 1 being the one we trust the least and 7 the one we trust the most. I saw this happened in Tenochtitlan and I have a good prediction on what’s gonna happen. It’s obviously another swap duh, and then if my prediction is correct the one is put as the least person they trust on the tribe will be the ones to pick the members of their new tribe. With this knowledge I’m not really sure if I should immediately put Dom on the 1 spot because he could easily regroup with Logan RIP. I don’t know what to do with my rankings rn but I’m praying to God for two things. First is for me to be put on a tribe where I’m in a good position where I’m with my H4rmony alliance and second is for Renee to be safe this tribal. Aaaah I really wanna work with her for real this time!! Fingers crossed that both of my wishes come true!!

It’s been a record of no tribals in this game!!! It makes me super nervous tho. I’m glad we have been so lucky!! Wondering if there will be a double or swap. Hmm glad I have allies on both sides so not too worried!!

whew… i feel like i’m goin, everyone is being so strangely silent this round. i just gotta hope that i find an idol on this search so that i can, y'know, not die

So we lost another immunity challenge…story of my life. After talking a little bit with Renee we’re going to hold off on the plan to split Logan and Nick up for now because we don’t trust Benjamin or Lily enough to not throw us under the bus to benefit themselves. I think tonight will probably just be a simple vote against Lily providing she doesn’t have any immunity idols or any special items.

I think that this is the third round since I got my Tatzelwurm so it could be hatching into something next round which is incredible. I can start thinking about when I want to use that and things like that. Things are going well, I’m proud of how I’m playing because I’ve lowkey ran this thing so far so whew!!

at least i beat my old placement, thats something i guess still kinda pissed that renee didnt get voted out before me, she never spoke to anyone.

[tumblunni]

Baron omatsuri and the secret island traumatizes me yet again, hooray!

Ok wow that was a nostalgia blast! Finally goddamn have a physical copy of this thing to own. Its never been dubbed and the only way to get it was this weird manga UK licensed reprint of a bunch of (i think) hong kong english subtitles. The style of the subtitles looks like that, at least. Its all weird and grainy and very very old fashioned early days of subtitling style, which contrasts completely with the modern dvd menus and box and stuff. And its also a weird combination disc of four different movies, it seems they just bought out a licensing package deal or something? And just baked it onto the disc without checking or editing anything. Its not really a funny sort of bad subtitles though, its just awkward phrasings of thibgs that are hard to understand or random typos or whatever, no legendarily hilarious stuff. I kinda dislike it more when subtitles are like this, when theyre like...actually written by a guy who speaks fluent english but he just never watched the actual movie so theres a bunch of rookie mistakes. Also has a strange case of what you usually only see on fansubs- the obsession with leaving everything in japanese to Sound Cool. Nah we cant call them the Tea Party Pirates we have to say the japanese word for that. Nah we cant have this man say mustache when he's doing the mustache pose and talking about his crew of entirely mustache men who all do this mustache pose NO it has to be Chobehige because its somehow deep and edgy to not understand the word for mustache. Like i feel if i was watching this sub first i would have no idea what was happening! At least its not as bad as that older sub i saw where they insisted on translating friends as "crew", even when it was llike..a singular. This one man is my crew and here are all my other crews! Like i feel like that subber probably originally did that dumb old fandom thing of INSISTING that you had to say Nakama in japanese and Capitalized and it was a Very Important japanese word for specifically pirate friends that was Impossible To Translate. And then they just did a ctrl + F replace on the whole thing and made an incomprehensible mess. Also for some reason sanji just yells DOCTOR out of nowhere (chopper wasnt even in the scene) and baron omatsuri's one syllable "oh" is translated as some long string of what seems to be baseball jargon..?

But ANYWAY the movie is still fuckin awesome and i actually noticed EVEN MORE dark shit and subtle storytelling that i missed when i was a kid! The whole 'small child zombie stares blankly at the place where a sword stabbed through his chest and cant understand why he got back up' scene is EVEN MORE emotionally destructuve than i thought! Cos the subtlety of the voiceacting seems to make the poor kid sound so tired and resigned to it? He's desperately asking and his father figure feeds him the same old lies he's done a million times about how he's totally still alive and everything is fine. Like wow i missed that inplication that this has happened before! And then he kinda sounds like he's actually aware that Baron is lying and he's just pretending to believe him to make him feel better. And then he starts turning back into a corpse and he doesnt panic like muchigoro or not realize whats happening like the grandpas do. He just looks straight at his hand falling apart and tries to lie to Baron to make him feel better. *long shot of him from behind before you see whats happened* "I'm just feeling dizzy again. I've got used to it." *him staring blankly at his body falling apart, not even capable of feeling sad about it anymore* "Don't worry...i've got used to it." *thud*

Like FUCKING HELL this film is the best damn existential horror thing ever and why the FUCK did they market it as a fun happy kids film? it probably would have been way more successful if the twist wasnt kept all twisty, honestly.

And also WOW YEAH theres a lot of stuff thats the subtlest goddamn storytelling in the universe and youd never notice unless you watched this film a million times like i did! Like during the intro when everythibg still seems all fun and cute and normal, the advert for the Totally Innocent Not A Trap Super Secret Island Resort is being read over some random shots of waves and stuff. But then right near the end you see those same shots again and it becomes clear that it was literally the view from Baron's eyes as he was falling from the ship and drowning, desperately trying to keep his head above water and strain his eyes to see if anyone else had survived. All the moments that just looked like camera cuts were actually when his head fell beneath the waves. Thats fuckin amaizng you straight up showed the ending in the beginning and we didnt notice????

Oh and also right before THE FUCKIN TERRIFYING MUCHIGORO DEATH SCENE you see him casually mention being 'sleepy' a few scenes earlier. It just passes by without notice and you think that he's just drunk until he suddenly starts going from comedic slurring to fucking asphixiating and the SKIN ON HIS FINGERS PEELING OFF. Oh hey! Another thing i didnt notice before! FUCKING THAT. A fun game for you on your rewatch! Looking out to find the secret finger horror! Ha ha ha...ha...

Also MAN OH WOW all the subtle signs of Baron getting more desparate throughout the movie and how it seems the time limit for the zombies was almost up and he had to kill these specific pirates right now because he couldnt spare even a few more hours. In retrospect it makes sense how he was slipping up and leaving evidence for the heroes to figure him out. And its just so subtly offputting and strange how he goes from making a big fun performance about the festival early on and then starts subtky rushing through the formalities faster. Like you dont eveb conciously notice the tone is changing until suddenly BAM the full change happens and you realise you missed all those signs! And aaaa its so fuckin sad how you see him come running when muchigoro drops dead and he's like fuckin GET OUT OF THE WAY DAMMIT and kneels down next to the body and theb he just..turns emotionless again and goes ITS TIME FOR THE NEXT CHALLENGE. It is time. Its now. Shut the fuck up and do it, i dont have time to deal with this shit, just die so i can bring my friend back. (Tho of course you dont know thats why at the time) And then whats most jarring about the whole scene to me is how he's like "okay fuck it theres no more fun theres no more attractions, if youre not gonna play along then the final game is just i shoot your damn head off" WHILE YKNOW STILL STANDING OVER THE CORPSE OF HIS FRIEND AND STARING DAGGERS INTO THEM LIKE ITS THEIR FAULT FOR DARING TO CLING ONTO LIFE and then a fuckin half finished hapoy fun carnival game sign pops up in the backgroubd and everyone walks past it. Why was that somehow both hilarious and terrifying????? Just fuckin 'whoops we had this thing ready to go but alright its murder time i guess' and everyone IS SUDDENLY PACKING HEAT AND RIDDLING OUR HEROES WITH BULLETS???

And also even more subtly Baron just?? Stays with muchigoro?? Like notice how the entirety of the endgame takes place around where the dude dropped dead. And how when mustache pirate guy saves luffy you see Baron just walking in circles around the same area angrily shooting arrows at nothing in complete desperation even though the dude is gone and itd make more sense to run after him. No he stays standing right there and actually looks really damn relieved when luffy comes back, he's like 'holy shit you really were stupid enough to walk right into my trap jesus christ im so glad but also youre a dumbass'. And he fights entirely using arrows at this point so you might not even notice that he barely walks more than just circling a two meter radius of fuckin DEAD BEST FRIEND CORPSE. Which btw blends intonthe shadows for this entire scene and they only draw attention it again after Baron wibs and muchigoro comes back to life. And UGH MY HEART you see him smile genuinely for the firstvtime and he's like 'im so glad youre okay' and muchigoro is like 'haha im more than okay i can do somersaults!' and generally being a FUCKING TREASURE and this poor fuckin horrible evil man is hugging his buddy and gently leading him away from the battlefield so he doesnt norice he was just fuckin murdering some dudes to ressurect him. God the scariest damn thing about this film is how the zombies dont know theyre zombies and honestky they probably wouldnt even agree with their boss's plan to kill people to keep them alive. They justvthink they live a perfectly normal happy life on hapoy festival island, and he wants them to stay that way and never feel pain again :(

Aaaaand then yeah the infamous scene of revealing this horrifying intestines flower is growing out of the flesh on his back and all the corpses its digesting are pushed against the undulating flesh of its throat like a snake devouring its prey. And its cutesy fake flower face grows infinate eyes as it just keeps laughing and laughing. And then it gets graphically blown apart and the poor goddamn parasite host tries to shove the bloody instestines back into its body, knowing that without this horrifying monster chewing on his goddamn veins all his friends will go back to being dead.

THE END

THE FUCKING END

God it ends so abruptly seriously

I still cry my eyes out every time at the ending monologue of Baron dying and meeting all the souls of his dead friends and theyre crying telling him he shouldnt be here, they wish he'd been able to find another reason to live without him...

And then THE END

JAUNTY MUSIC OVER THE CREDITS

THE FUCKIN END I GUESS

What a great but very oddly executed movie. Seriously i feel it could have worked better if it was given space to breathe and more deeply explore the dark themes rather than the weirdness of trying to fool the audience into thinking it was cheerful and innocent. Like all of this shit happens in the last 30 minutes of the movie! They spend 60 minutes on the fun carnival games! What a strange sense of priorities!!

I WOULD DEVOUR A MILLION HOURS MORE OF DEEP SAD ZOMBIE CONTENT

I am like the Lily of fanfics

Oh yeah btw the horrifying deadly elder god spine parasite thing is named Lily and it looks pretty much exactly like flowey from undertale. This film kinda spoiled me for that game LOL ive never trusted a single talking flower ever since!