#and having characters be called shit like duck and mama is like yeah. yeah. that's it.

[yardsards]

small thing i love about taz amnesty: the way so many characters just have random unexplained nicknames. it's just such an authentic part of small town/appalachian culture that makes the world feel more real + serves as a reminder that like yeah the guys making this are FROM here, they genuinely know what it's like

[ducknewtonscoolhat]

On this day I present

Every single time Duck Newton is horrible at lying !

Episode 7

Duck: Yeah, it’s a nickname. Listen, y’all got a van handy, why don’t you hop in and get on trucking. Don’t forget to— don’t worry ‘bout your clothes. We’ll drive them up seperate.

Swimmer: Why can’t we take our clothes?

Duck: [freezing up] You need to— you need— uh. Here, I’ll get them. Y’all start loading in the van and I’ll bring your clothes out to ya’s. Just another one of the many services we offer from the Forestry Service.

Episode 10

Pigeon: Well, I know how to do it, I just wanna know why.

Duck: Perfect. Perfect. Why? It's for firefighter training? Yeah, it's for firefighter training. It's been a little while since I last told someone that, so I had some time to forget it. But it's for firefighting training, cuz we can't get enough water pressure to fight the fires, forest fires.

Pigeon: Out in Monongahela?

Duck: Yeeeeeeep.

Pigeon: Duck, that's on the opposite side of town. I can find other places that I can get you some more water pressure instead of pumping it out of the water park almost a mile away.

Duck: Yeah, but the water park is definitely gonna be closed. If you can tell me somewhere where you can guarantee that they're not gonna need that amount of water that's using that amount, I'd love to hear about it. Cus, off the top of my head, I can't improvise anything.

Pigeon: There's a reservoir right next to Monongahela.

Duck: The reservoir is a source of water but it's not gonna give other— fuck, listen Pigeon, here's the thing. I... love... to… practice fishing. But... the running water... frightens me, it's called hydrophobia. And I would love to practice my cast in a real water environment where I can get in a large body where I can guarantee that running water won't be a factor. And I would just love to practice my cast in a guaranteed still body. But here's the other thing, sometimes if you do it in a lake, that's what you're thinking, a fish will bite it and normally that's ideal, but I'm just trying to practice casting. It's like, when you don't want to catch, that's when they're biting, y’know what I mean? So I need a still body of water that I can guarantee won't move to practice my fishing casting.

Episode 13

Duck: I should’ve put some time into it, honestly, but I uh… I was real busy with family over the holidays, so I didn’t make much—

Mama: You literally just said you didn’t have any family in town over the holidays.

Duck: God dammit. Dammit!

Mama: I mean, it’s fine if you couldn’t dig anything up, but you don’t gotta lie to old Mama, you know?

Duck: Dammit! Dammit, Duck!

Mama: You don’t have to beat yourself up about it, Duck, I mean po—

Duck: Fuck!

Episode 14

EMT: Do you know what happened to him?

Duck: Oh boy…um…do you want the truth or a more convincing lie? Um, nah so, okay, right… so the Pizza Hut sign started to fall, ‘cause of the weather, and he ran up there on… a fire escape… and tried to push it? …With a bat? Damn it. Nah, he just pushed it, and it fell, but then he fell ‘cause he got shocked. I bet… mmm…I didn’t see. I was in-Ah, shit! Alright, hey fol-hey guys, rewind. I-hey guys, rewind a second. Ah fuck! I was inside, I didn’t see. Anything! I don’t know… this man. I do know this man. His name-Fuck!  Alright, I Ned, hi, here's-hmmm. Alright, so this man’s name is Ned, and he’s a friend of mine, and I don’t know what the hell happened to him, but you know this guy. He’s always getting into something. I don’t know, I was in the building, I almost got killed by a Pizza Hut sign. I might be in shock!

Episode 18

Duck: Honestly… uh if I gotta tell you the truth, Juno, I’m— I was trying to get into character. I’ve been—

Juno: You’re going undercover with these teens?

Duck: —I’m going undercover. I got a undercover teenage identity. It’s— it’s Frick Richums and when I assume the identity of Frick Richums, I’m trying to get undercover, with the Hornets [hisses] so I can find their illegal grow thing. [grunts]

Juno: You are a truly miserable liar, Duck Newton.

Duck: Goddamnit! I put on such a good— damnit!

Juno: Hey, when you’re finished with the… with those, those nails. Would you mind taking them back to the station? I need to sort of keep going around the perimeter see if I can find something to, you know, maybe help with your investigation to take down those— those drug kingpins, the Hornets.

Duck: Yeah, Juno, about that. I— I was kidding about that, of course. I was just having some fun. But I did… I did hear some of them talking on...... Facebook about you and how they were gonna target you. Like they need to get you out of the way. And it kinda freaked me out a little bit. Can you think of any reason anybody would wanna get you… outta the way? Or— or be targeting you? Like… for this?

Episode 21

(Deputy Dewey is asking for alibis)

Duck: Me— Me— Me too.

Deputy Dewey: You too what? You were

Duck: Yup.

Deputy Dewey: Alright…

Duck: Me too. I was— Yup, I— Yup, me too, for both. Yup, me too. Mmm…

Aubrey: Duck, are you okay? You look like you need to use the bathroom.

Duck: Nope. Yeah, I do. Yup. Uh, Burritos, alright… Bye.

Episode 22 Featuring Ned and Aubrey also being bad at lying

Morgue Technician: Can I help y'all with something?

Duck: Well, we would like to see the bodies of--

Aubrey: My brother!

Duck: My dad.

Ned: My son.

Duck: His brother. Her-- His-- His son, her brother, my dad.

Aubrey: Not related. There's two of 'em.

Ned: But you have to figure out which two.

Duck: We need to see a body for a dare. I'm sorry about all the lies from before but we need to see a body for a dare.

Aubrey: I was dared to look at the body of my brother.

Ned: And my son.

Aubrey: I was dared to look at the body of his son. Who is also my brother. Because he is my father.

Episode 32

Duck: Um… yup. It‘s… Harpo. Uh, all… [imitating crackling noise] Y‘all hearing this? [imitating crackling] The… radio break up. Radio break up. Mrrr.

[jjmaybanksbaby]

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer IV

Part 07: Crashing Down

series masterlist | previous part

summary: A jarring family emergency forces you to consider the future of your relationship with Rafe Cameron.

a/n: I'm a little bit emotional about this series ending because I've had so much fun writing it! Enjoy the last part and, as always, please come share your reactions with me in my inbox. Okay, that's all from me!

word count: 2.1k words

Rafe Cameron knew how to text. He was somehow witty, charming, and hilarious all in less characters than a single tweet. Texting with most boys was like talking to a brick wall: single-syllable answers, unironic uses of punctuation, asking “What are you wearing?” before even listening to how your day went. Though, to be fair, Rafe had asked that same question a few times, which always earned him a sarcastic answer in return. Well, except for that one time.

You’d been forced to spill the beans about your dreamy summer romance to Alice and Kensie after one of Rafe’s funnier texts almost made you pee yourself laughing at the lunch table.

“Oh, so he’s a stud muffin,” Alice announced, peering over Kenzie’s shoulder at the photo on your phone.

“Please god don’t call anyone a stud muffin ever again Al,” Kenzie replied.

“What? The 80s are like making a comeback.”

“Yeah, not that,” you countered and Alice huffed.

“He’s totally hot though,” Kenzie said, handing the phone back to you. “And I kinda hate you for not telling us about him.”

You looked down at the picture. Rafe was kissing your check while you grinned up at the camera, the golden hour lighting made the whole thing look rather enchanting. It was your favorite picture of you and him.

“Oh shit,” Kenzie said causing you to look up from the phone. “You’re like in love in love with him.”

“What? No,” you protested. Yes, your brain corrected.

Kenzie glanced over at Alice for backup.

“Besides, I wasn’t hiding him. I just didn’t know if there was anything there to...tell,” you finished.

“I wish I had a handsome summer fling with spectacular cheekbones,” Alice sighed.

“Don’t let your boyfriend hear you saying that.” Kenzie chucked a fry off her tray at Alice who dodged it expertly.

“Oh, please. Matty knows I would dump his ass for someone who looks like a young Chuck Bass any day of the week. Gimme your phone. I wanna see the photos again y/n.”

“I seriously don’t know how you and Matthew have been together for two years,” Kenzie replied.

“Are you kidding? They’re practically made for each other,” you added.

“The phone, please,” Alice interjected. “I wanna thirst over your mans while my boyfriend is sucking up to his English teacher so she doesn’t fail him. Of course, I told him he needed to actually read Wuthering Heights and not just sparknotes it. But did he listen? No. I picked a real winner y’all,” she finished, taking the phone from your outstretched hands. “You sure Rafe doesn’t have any brothers? Not even like a half-step brother?”

So yeah, going great. Against the odds of three thousand miles, the whole thing was somehow working. Long-distance friends with benefits? Check. Well, except for those moments when that nagging feeling in your stomach came back and you’d start overthinking everything. His texts would sit, unread in your phone for days or even a whole week, slowly sinking to the bottom of your messages.

Then came the call from the Kildare Country Hospital in the early hours of a foggy April morning. You should have gone to sleep hours ago but were still up, desperately trying to cram Maria’s lines into your brain while also texting Rafe. The Sound of Music opened in three weeks and your director had already chewed you out twice for not being off-book, something about being an upperclassman and the lead, and what kind of an example were you setting for the rest of the program. Big speeches were kind of your director's thing, you learned to just ride them out.

Around 1 a.m. your phone ran with an incoming FaceTime call from Rafe. You pressed the green acccept button, a smile spread across your face as Rafe’s own filled the screen.

“Hey Broadway Star.”

“Hi Rafe.” The dim lighting of his bedroom made his feature especially striking. “What are you still doing up?”

“Can’t sleep. Plus you’re up too so. How’s the memorizing going?”

“Shitty,” you replied, closing your binder with a sigh. “I’m too tired to do anymore of it tonight anyway.”

“You know, I was thinking I could come to Oregon for your opening night?”

“Really?” The possibility of Rafe sitting in the audience made your heart race.

“Yeah, why not? I’ll ask Ward if I can borrow the plane that weekend and I bet Sarah’ll want to come too. I wanna see my girl kill it. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Rafe. You know my friends think you’re hot.”

“Oh, do they?” Rafe replied, rolling over onto his back in his bed.

“Don’t let it get to your head, Cameron.”

The home phone ran but you ignored it, much more invested in your conversation with Rafe. The second time the hospital left a message. Your Nonna’s heart had given out. The prognosis wasn’t good. She had barely any time left.

Your heart dropped as the words echoed over the speaker of the answering machine.

“Rafe,” you said, cutting him off momentarily. “I gotta go. I’ll call you back later. I gotta-” you ended the call before Rafe even had the chance to respond. You dropped your phone on the kitchen table, dashing up the stairs to your parents’ bedroom. Your father was booking a flight for your mother back to the Outer Banks minutes later.

The end had come so quickly, so unexpectedly. It was almost like that made it harder. There'd been just enough time for your mom and uncle to get to the Outer Banks, sitting on each side of your Nonna as her final breaths passed through her lungs. Now, everyone was there to say goodbye one last time. Uncle Austin and his fiancé. Your mom and dad. Both your siblings. The entire population of Figure Eight.

☼☼☼

Rain drizzled down from the dark, gray clouds looming overhead. It was as if Mother Nature was mourning your Nonna too, hiding the sunshine away.

Three baby ducks followed their mama into the man-made pond at the edge of the cemetery. You watched their tiny feet kick up small waves disturbing the peaceful water and the tears silently slipped down your face.

The cars were waiting to take you back to your Nonna's house for the wake. The same house with the for-sale sign now stuck in the front yard. The for-sale sign with Rose's patronizing grin that you were starting to really hate. Your dad had handled that. Listing the house. He'd handled most of the funeral arrangement's actually because your mother had been too sunken into her grief to make any decision. Sending out the invitations, picking out your Nonna's casket, choosing the flowers. Your mother clung to him during the entire funeral, weeping into his shoulder.

“Y/n?” Rafe's voice called out from behind you and you turned to see him walked toward you. He’d stood at the back of the church with his family during the funeral. You had longed for him to be sitting in the first pew next to you, to have had his hand to hold onto to ground you, but it hardly would have been appropriate. Your Nonna would have sooner risen from the dead than have had a Cameron front row at her funeral.

As soon as he was close enough, Rafe reached for you, pulling your body tight into him. Your head landed on his chest and the sobs came moments later. God, he always smelled the same. He just let you cry, holding you close, smoothing his hand over your hair.

“I know you’re selling your grandma’s house but I was thinking you could stay with me for the summer," he said as your tears began to slow. It was hard to imagine that you wouldn't return to the Outer Banks once school let out. It was the first week of May already and you could feel the tourist-attracting town waking up. But selling the house just made more sense. Your older sister was already living her life in New York, a real adult life. Next summer, you'd be moving out too, headed to college. The house would sit empty for eight months out of the year, your family couldn't keep it and your uncle certainly didn’t want it. Selling it just had to happen.

You stepped back, slipping out of his embrace. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rafe.”

“Why not?”

“Cause we’re like Romeo and Juliet.”

“I copied Cleo’s notes for that unit," he joked, trying to lighten to damp mood. “Plus I was never a fan of Leo DiCaprio so I didn’t finish the movie either.”

“It means we’re not supposed to be together, you and me. And whenever we try, the universe rips us apart. We hurt each other.”

Rafe shifted awkwardly on his feet, clearly wanting to reach for you again but stopping himself from doing it. “But I can't lose you.”

You reached your hand out, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “Oh Rafe, don’t you get it? You never really had me.” You stood up onto your tiptoes to kiss him just like you had the first time three years ago. Rafe barely parted his lips, kissing you back gently. Your hand cupped his face, your thump stroking over his cheek. It was a goodbye. Both of you knew it. It was an ending and this was your closure. You pulled away, your hand falling away from his face.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say the actual words. Your eyes fell to the ground. You needed to walk away now. You side-stepped Rafe but he grabbed your waist, turning you back around to face him.

“So that’s it? You’re not even gonna try to fight for us?”

“What even is there to fight for, Rafe? I’ve been fighting for us for the past four years. If we were supposed to be together that car wouldn’t have crashed into ours, I wouldn’t have fallen for Evan when I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at my Nonna’s funeral. What? Are we supposed to do long distance for all of college? I hardly know who I am right now. I have no idea who I’ll be in the next four years. Our future selves might not even like each other. I’m not gonna wait around for you Rafe and I would never ask you to do that for me.” You twirled the small, star charm between your fingers, a nervous habit you'd developed over the past year. His eyes dropped down to your neck momentarily and his adam's apple visibly bobbing as he swallowed his next weeks.

“You were it for me, you know. I tried to give a fuck about anyone else but I couldn’t get your gorgeous, stupid face out of my mind. I only wanted you.” Rafe paused gauging your reaction “I was falling in love with you.”

Your eyes wandered over his stoic expression. “The feeling was mutual, Rafe Cameron.”

He dropped your wrist but you both stood, not moving or saying anything. “Do you wanna walk me back to the car?”

“Yeah.” He reached for your hand, interlocking your fingers. Your other hand held onto his bicep so you walked together through the graveyard back to the parking lot.

The moment felt precious and delicate, like the fragile china your Nonna used to collect. You wondered what would happen to all that china.

Rafe placed a chaste kiss on your lips before opening the door of the car.

“I’ll miss you,” you said, the words hanging in the air meaning so much.

“Me too,” Rafe agreed.

You wanted one more kiss, one more passionate declaration of how much this all had meant but that would make leaving Rafe so much more impossible.

You climbed into the car, dropping Rafe’s hand in the process.

“See you around Cameron.” You knew it wouldn’t happen but it felt better than a goodbye.

He smiled back. “Maybe so.”

Perhaps Rafe was right and you’d both end up at a small liberal arts college in California taking the same second-year Econ class with a professor who always smelled like weed. Perhaps the stars would align and two of you would realize the universe wasn’t trying to keep you apart. It was just waiting for the right moment to show you that the love you had for each other was the soulmates, forever and ever kind of love. Perhaps you would get married and Sarah would be your maid of honor, of course. You’d buy back your Nonna’s house to raise your troubling-making kids in. Perhaps, you would find your way back and wake up each day and choose each other again and again.

Or perhaps, he'd always be your right-person-wrong-time. And, in the end, the passing days will steal away your memories of the blue-eyed boy from the Outer Banks.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13

[blue-angel-wings]

Halloween with Angel.

Word count: 1,468

Characters: Angel Reyes x reader (Y/N), Gilly Lopez, Coco Cruz, Leticia Cruz.

Warnings: Cursing, Halloween (? Idk some people don’t like it 🤷‍♀️)

It was nearing Halloween, and whilst all your neighbours had started to decorate their homes and front lawns, yours was bare and depressing, due to no fault of your own. Your boyfriend Angel had made it clear that the decorations in the house you to shared were perfectly fine and served their purpose but Christ they were depressing.

The decorations were disgusting collecting dust and growing mould from being thrown randomly in the attic and you were struggling to tell the difference between the real and fake spiders. But Angel had yet to grant you the permission to buy new decorations. Not that you need explicit permission but you viewed you and Angel as a team so you made decisions like these together. Sadly.

You and Angel had lived together for years at this point so you got used to each other’s ways and quirks, so really Angel should’ve been prepared for your enthusiasm for the holiday.

“Knock, knock and I’m already in.” Said your brother whilst you were sat a the table eating breakfast. Angel had gone for shower a few minutes ago so the house was quiet apart from the quiet sound of the water running.

“Hey Y/B/N, you okay?” You rounded the corner of the island to see your brother with your niece wearing a cute little pumpkin onesie.

“And hello to you too precious girl!” You cooed to the young baby currently yanking on your hoop earrings. You tickled her tummy just to hear her giggles whilst your brother babbled on about work. Obviously hearing the adorable shriek of laughter from your niece, Angel entered the kitchen and snatched her from your arms to have his fill of the baby cuteness. Begrudgingly you turn to brother to now pay attention to his words.

“So I was wondering if you remember where it is that Mama always took us for Halloween so we could go to the ‘kid friendly’ haunted house.” He said making air quotations when saying kid friendly. He stole a piece of bacon whilst you took your mind back to time when you were younger.

“Yeah she just took us to the garden centre, god knows if they still do it, people always complained it was a bit scary.” you reminded him, whilst continuing your breakfast.

“So you wanna go, think it would be a bit of fun, take us back to our childhood and pass on the tradition to Mia.” Your bother spoke whilst removing Mia from Angel’s arms, she fussed a little but settled quickly.

“Yes! I can get new decorations for the house, they have the best decorations!” You bolted out of the chair heading to door before Angel spoke up. “ No! We don’t need decorations we have them here.”

“But Angel-“

“No babe I’m putting my foot down, please it’s a waste of money, just don’t. You’ll spend more time putting them up and taking them back down than them actually be img on display!”

“Ooh he’s putting his foot down.” Your brother mocked, provoking Angel to throw the tea towel at him.

“Fine I won’t bring home any new decorations.”

“Thank you, I love you baby.” Angel spoke kissing your forehead and leaving to speak with the guys about an incoming run.

You stuck to your word, and didn’t return with any decorations, that’s because you ordered them to arrive to your home a few days later. This was for multiple reasons, 1) you couldn’t fit them all in your car and Angel would flip his shit if he saw you carry what is seemingly the whole store and 2) You knew Angel was going on a run so you order it to come whilst he was out. It was perfect because by the time it all up and looking pretty it would be too late. What can you say, you always get your way.

The day arrived and you were buzzing, it was time to get your spooky season started. You woke up alone in bed which wasn’t strange, as Angel was due to be on a run. It wasn’t until you heard yelling and swearing in the living room did you discover that was not the case. Walking out you were greeted with site of your boyfriend and his 2 extra shadows Gilly, sat at the table eating your food, and Coco sat next to Angel playing PlayStation.

“What are you doing here?” You exclaimed from shock.

“Uhh I live here-“

“I’ve been paying the bills with you for the past 2 years.”

When you don’t respond to the comment and continue to stare at him confused.

He points to his chest stating, “I am Angel” condescendingly thinking it’s funny.

“You’re supposed to be on a run.”

“It was only a small run,we weren’t needed.” He said shrugging like it was nothing when I’m reality it was huge.

“Damn Y/N you ain’t happy to see us?” Coco asks standing to hug you, you accept the embrace with a smile but on the inside you are screaming, why did he have to be here when you don’t need him to be but gone when you did need him?

A few hours into the day and they were still here and your delivery when due to arrive imminently.

“Don’t you want to go to the clubhouse I mean it’s more fun there, I mean you spend every waking second of your days there anyway why not go there now.” You exclaimed getting antsy.

“Nah we’re good.” Coco replied, you roll your eyes and spin on your heel to go to the kitchen and watch for your delivery of doom to pull up. “Why you trynna to get rid of us sweetheart?” Gilly asked jokingly, startling you in the process. “The other day I went to the store with my brother and bought way to many Halloween decorations when he specifically told me to not to and I thought by having them delivered whilst he was on his run, it’d be too late for him to do anything about it but now I know he isn’t on a run that planned it fucked.” You confessed. “Well damn baby you in shit now.” “Gilly” you whined palming his chest softly.

“Okay stop I’ll get him out and tell Coco to call Leti to come and help you put them up. Don’t stressed your pretty head!” He said tapping your temple.

“Thank you Gilly you are a lifesaver!”

“I know baby, it’s a gift.” He joked shrugging his shoulders like it was nothing.

Gilly stuck to his word and got them out the house, just before the delivery turned up. Coco had indeed called Leti to help you but you guys spent more time gossiping than actually hanging anything.

“ I think you may have gone a little too far with this.” She said holding a 7ft robotic witch on your porch swing as you cable tied it’s ankles to the structure of your porch, so the kids didn’t steal it.

“Oh shush you’re as bad as Angel, it looks great so don’t complain, it was worth all the time it spent to put it up and the ...$300 it actually cost.” You muttered the last bit hoping she didn’t pick it up.

“ Y/N, holy sh-“ she was cut off by the roar of bikes coming down the street, announcing the arrival of your man and his brothers.

You braced yourself for the backlash but when you turned around to man your man he had nothing but a smile on his face, Coco and Gilly hung back on the bikes whilst Angel took in the scene.

“Baby-“ you started.

“I like it.”

“What?”

“I knew you couldn’t resist the decorations at the store and when you came back home empty handed I was shocked, then earlier when you wanted us out I knew you had this arriving.” He exclaimed gesturing the house covered in fake cobwebs and pumpkins, and obviously the freaky witch on the porch. You breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at him with total adoration.

“ I love you Angel, thank you for understanding but your lazy ass coulda helped if you knew.” You complained cuddling into his side. He chuckled lowly. The moment was ruined by a scream and then followed by a gunshot. You ducked into Angel from the fear.

“You scary motherfucker, jump at me and imma shoot yo’ ass! Do it again hoe and see what happens.” Coco shouted with gun pointed at the witch.

“What the fuck Coco it’s not real.” You pointed to the now ruined witch.

Coco stepped forward gingerly, gun still cocked, inspecting the witch, confirming with a slight nod of the head that it was in fact a robot.

“My bad” He shrugged.

Taglist: @mayans-sauce.

[diddlesanddoodles]

DUMPLING ch 44

Kol was busy hauling in sacks of flour from storage and Bart had called Saen and Avery to come help him along with the tenderfoots out in the courtyard, leaving just Yale and Quinn in the kitchen with Nenani. Farris had left in a fowl temper to attend a meeting with Donal regarding the upcoming dinner. Apparently, more Lords had sent their intentions to be present and the whole affair was beginning to grow in grandeur and size.

Yale was making some sort of cold sauce made of oil, crushed nuts, and the macerated leaves from a large stalky green that was taller than she was and smelled like a cross between celery and basil. Nenani sat comfortably on a folded tea towel, pulling apart the large nuts and tossing the shells into a waste bowl and the meat into another bowl. The nuts reminded her vaguely of walnuts, but much bigger and had the same sort of oily astringency.

“I don’t care if it’s normal for high-borns,” Yale said, using a little more force than necessary to rip the stalks off of the leafy greens. “Marryin’ off a lil’un is just beyond the pale.”

“Mama said she wouldn’t make me marry anyone,” Nenano replied, trying to assure Yale that she was in no danger of suddenly being married. “She said she doesn’t want me to become someone’ pawn.”

“Well, I’m glad yer Mum’s got a sensible head on her shoulders,” he replied. “Someone need to straighten Lolly’s out for her though. She’s got a bug up her skirts fer sure. Not sure why. Makin’ me nervous though.”

“Me too,” she replied with a grunt as she had to put in a bit of effort to break apart a particularly tough nut.

“So, puttin’ that mess aside fer the moment,” Yale said, reaching for the bowl of shelled nuts and used the flat end of a wooden spoon to smash the soft flesh into crumbs and then adding the lot to the larger bowl of greens. “How’re yer magic lessons goin’?”

“Stopped for now,” she replied. “Maevis is busy making the lanterns.”

Yale turned towards the stone archway, gesturing vaguely to the black lantern hanging just above the lintel. “They put that one in yesterday. Curious to see if it works, but if it never went off, I’d be happy.”

“He says I’ve got a decent enough grasp now that I may not even need the amulet,” she said. “But Mama wants me to wear it all the time anyway.”

“Can’t say I blame her fer that,” Quinn said as he walked up beside Yale, reaching over him to grab a salt cellar, and forcing him to duck down. “Ye scared the lot of us shitless that one time.”

“Oi!” Yale snapped as Quinn retreated and he could straighten himself again. “Ye got salt over there!”

“Empty,” Quinn replied with a careless shrug.

“...so go fill it back up,” Yale retorted with some heat.

“Nah,” the baker smirked and turned around back towards his station. “This one’ll do just fine thanks.”

Yale chased after him, but Quinn seemed to have sensed him and stepped easily to the side as Yale made a grab for the salt cellar. Nenani laughed as they ran about the baking station, Quinn sprinkling salt onto the prepared loaves as he ran and dipped and danced around Yale. “Give it back, dammit!”

“I just need a bit, ye stingey bastard!”

“Use them long legs of yers and go fill yer own up!”

“And I said no thank you!” Watching as the two grown giants banter and fight like children, Nenani sat back and laughed, the mood carrying away the grimmer thoughts that had been congealing in her mind. To the corner of her eye, she saw a shadow descend the servants stairwell, but paid it no mind. A swath of blue fabric caught her eye and she turned to look.

Dressed in the blue coat of the rangers, Thrist stepped down into kitchen and his round coarsely shaven head was turned away from her as he watched Yale and Quinn. But almost as though sensing eyes upon him, his head swerved around and Nenani was suddenly the focus of his two beady eyes. Thin lips curled into a sickening grin. With an arrogant bounce to his gate, he sauntered over to the table and he drew nearer, Nenani glared. Hared.

“Go away,” she told him.

“What? Not even a hello?” he asked mockingly. “Well don’t that just show it then? Ye find out yer a Princess and suddenly yer too good fer us low folk?”

“No,” she replied. “Just you.”

He thrust his hand towards her and she fell back, raising her hand and pulling her magic out. But instead of grabbing her, his fingers dipped into the bowl shelled nuts and grabbed up a handful.

“Don’t flatter yerself, Sparkles,” Thrist snickered with an oily grin. “Ye ain’t worth it. Probably taste like three week old mutton anyway.”

“Better than smelling like three week old mutton,” she snapped back.

His arrogant grin dropped as just before he could retort, there was an angry shout from behind him.

“Oi!” Yale growled as he and Quinn both bore down onto the Ranger. The black haired cook slipped between the table and Thrist and thrust his pal against the ranger’s chest, pushing him back. “Ye fucker got a lotta nerve showin’ yer ugly arse face around here, Thrist.”

“Oh, calm yer tits, Yale,” Thrist sneered, batting Yale’s hand away. “I’m on duty. Ain’t after yer damn pet.”

Quinn swiped at the ranger’s arm pushing Yale away and laughed darkly. “Suppose havin’ to spend three weeks scoutin’ the swamps wasn’t all that fun, eh? Be a shame if ye went and earned yerself another bout of that, eh? Don’t think yer boss would be too happy with ye messin’ with his brother’s ward. Again.”

“Fuck ye both,” Thrist replied, unconcerned with the threat. He cracked a nut and ate it, tossing the shell into the fire and then threw himself hard into one of the chairs. His boots made a dull thud as they planted themselves onto the table only a few yards from where Nenani was sitting.  

“No thanks,” Quinn said, the hard look in his eyes betraying the light lilt of his voice. “But ye can turn yerself right round and go find a nice sunny spot in gurney’s manuer pile. Ain’t that where pigs like to play? Neck deep in shit?”

“Fuck off, both of ye. Like I said, I’m duty. Sweepin’ the grounds fer anyone not belongin’. Suspicious characters and the like.”

“Well, as ye can see, we all belong,” Yale growled. “Now piss the fuck off.”

“And ye fuckers can go back to yer work,” Thrist replied lightly with a shrug. “Rheil and Keral have got us all scrounging ‘round the castle. The Magician sensed something that freaked him out. Supposed to make sure none of his stupid fuckin’ lanterns were on.”

“Well as ye can see, it ain’t. All is well. So do like Yale said and piss the fuck off.”

Thrist made a great exaggerated showing of pondering their words and then shrugged and then cracked another nut and tossed it into his mouth. “Not convinced. What if I leave and it just lights up?”

“Then ye’d be as useless as ye are now,” Yale replied.

“Yer pretty ungrateful ye know that?” Thrist said, folding his hands behind his head.

“Oh? And how do ye figure?” Quinn asked.

“Seein’ as I’m the reason yer pet’s even alive,” the ranger said. “After all that mess with the dragon.”

“Piss off,” Yale snapped. “Keral was the one that found her and brought her back.”

“Aye. After I spotted the thing and reported it to him. Like I say: she’s alive ‘cause ‘a me.”

“So? Do ye want a fuckin’ meddle or somethin’?” Quinn asked.

Thrist grinned. “A silver or two would be nice. A princess is worth that much, eh?”

Both Yale and Quinn looked murderous, but before either could formulate a response, Farris’s voice spoke just outside the stone archway leading out into the courtyard. “That’s what coats are fer ye idiot.”

“I couldn’t find it,” replied a quieter, but familiar voice.

“Does Hev know yer out here?”

“He’s not my mother,” Connar asserted.

“Don’t look that way t’most folk, lad.”

“Oh shut it. I can go where I want….so long as I’m allowed.”

“It’s not the being allowed part ye don’t seem to have a handle on. It’s the physical ability to make it there.”

“I can’t help it if the cold makes it hard to walk.”

“Again. That’s what a fuckin’ coat is fer. Now do ye want to take another trip ‘round this same bush or are ye done with yer tantrum?”

There was a deep sigh. “...yeah, fine. I’m done.”

“Good,” Farris replied just as he stepped down into kitchen with Connar sitting in the crook of his arm. Despite the cold and snow, Connar was only dressed in a pair of thin trousers and a short sleeve tunic. “Because ye was one smart-ass reply away from bein’ dumpin’ back into that snow pile.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Wanna bet?” Farris grinned darkly, but his eyes pulled away from Connar swept the room before falling onto Thrist. To the ranger’s credit, he hastily pulled his feet off of the table. “Who let in this fucker?”

“No one,” Yale replied. “He just sauntered in like he owned the damn place.”

Farris’s eyes never wavering from Thrist and he said in a low growl, “Ye got three seconds to get out of my kitchen before I shove my foot so far up yer arse you’ll be tastin’ leather fer a week.”

Thrist rose from his seat, clearly taking the threat serious enough. He took a few tentative steps towards the archyway, but keeping a good arm’s distance away from Farris. Nenani eyed him warily but grinned when an idea struck her.

“I just came to tell ye,” Thrist said defensively. “That Maevis sensed somethin’ off. We’re just checkin’ to see if the lanterns are lit. And to let ye know to keep an eye out.”

Nenani pulled a small amount of fire from her amulet, letting the small flame dance in her palm for a few moments before tossing it towards Thrist. It caught the middle portion of his coat, just below his waist. And began to burn. She caught Connar’s eye and shrugged innocently. The blacksmith bit his lip to keep himself from laughing.  

“Message received,” Farris replied. “And seein’ as it ain’t lit, ye can get out. Now.”

“Right,” Thrist replied, scurrying towards the exit. “I’ll just be on my way then.”

“Oh, and Thrist?” Farris said.

“Huh?”

“...yer arse is on fire.”

“What…?” Thrist twisted to look behind him and seeing the back end of his coat beginning to smolder, jumped with a cry of alarm and ran for the archway. “AH!”

Laughter followed him up the stairs and out of the kitchen and into the courtyard. Still chuckling himself, Farris walked over to the table and sat Connar down next to Nenani and ruffled her hair into a fluffy mess. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and looked up to find him grinning at her. “That’s my girl.”

She giggled, trying to put her hair back into some semblance of order. Kol came running down the stairs with a sack slung over his shoulder. “Oi!” he said with a breathless smile. “Who tossed Thrist into the fire?”

“No one,” Quinn laughed. “It was the Dumplin’.”

“Threw a fireball at him,” Yale replied, his words bouncing along with his laugh.

Kol howled with mirth as he laid the sack down onto the bakers’ station table. “He’s out here rollin’ in the snow!”

Beside her, Connar was laughing as well. “Ah, man. If only I could do that. Would’ve come in handy so many times.” He hobbled unsteadily over, greatly favoring his left leg, and plopped down onto the folded towel next to her. Wincing, he reached down to rub his left knee and pulled his trouser leg up to reveal the carved wood beneath. Where the wood ended, a large leather belt began, wrapping around his lower thigh. He popped a few buttons and slid the leg off to reveal the remnants of his real leg. Bright pink scar tissue created a sort of cushion just below his kneecap and there seemed to be a sort of callous where fake leg repeated rubbed against his skin. “Sorry,” he said, pulling his pant leg down. “I just needed to get it off for a bit. I know it’s an ugly thing to look at.”

“So, Farris,” Quinn asked, gesturing towards Connar. “Where’d ye find this one?”

Farris snorted as he dug through a cupboard. “Half frozen in a fuckin’ snow pile.” He pulled out another tea towel and tossed it over to Connar. It unfolded in the air and enveloped Connar completely. It took him a few moments to pull himself out of it’s tangles and wrapped the excess fabric around him.

“Why are ye even outside in this cold?” Yale asked, returning to his original task. “Don’t it hurt yer leg?”

“My leg? Not at all,” Connar replied with a cheeky grin, holding up the wooden leg. “But what’s left of my knee feels like it’s on fire.”

Yale shook his head, but was smiling. “Then why the fuck are ye out here?”

Connar pulled a satchel from behind him and placed it on his lap, patting it with a triumphant grin. “I heard Nenani was down here and I wanted to hand deliver this to her. Wanted to see her face.”

“My belt?” Nenani asked, eye bright.

“Yup. Among other things. I promised you I’d make you something you would love.”

“Oh!” she said, bouncing and holding her hands out. “Let me see, let me see!”

Connar held up a placating finger. “Ah-uh. What’s the magic word?”

“Please?” Nenani asked, but paused, recalling how much he seemed to enjoy Jae’s bribe. “...whiskey?”

Connar stared at her baffled and the grinned. With a laugh, he said, “No. It was please. But I may change it now.”

Flipping open the satchel’s flap, Connar reached inside and pulled out a leather belt as wide as her hand and decorated with intricate motifs. Trees, a mountain, a stream, and in the center, a seven petaled flower. “Here,” he said, flipping it over so show her the inside. “It snaps on, so it won’t be a huge problem to put it on. And you can secure your dagger’s sheath to it here with this flap. It buckles just here...and there’s another on the other side. You know. Just in case.”

He gestured for her to stand and she obeyed, remaining perfectly still as he he wrapped it around her waist and snapped the metal buttons. He hummed. “Hm. A little loose. Hold on a tic, I’ll adjust it. Spin a bit for me.”

She did as he asked and he began to put at the strings at the back of the belt, the leather beginning to tighten snugly against her. “How’s that?”

“Good,” she replied.

“Not too tight?”

“No.”

“All right!” he said, patting her side. “Let’s see you then.”

Nenani stood back, looking down at the belt and with a wide grin, spun around. Yale bent down to inspect it, giving an appreciative whistle.

“It’s a fine piece, lad,” Farris said. “Gen taught ye well.”

“Thanks,” Connar replied and then reached back into his bag. “But I’ve got more.”

“More?” Nenani asked, interest piqued. At Connar’s beckoning finger, she skipped back over to him.

“Let me see your right arm,” he said as he pulled out another piece of leather, tubular, and with similar motifs to the belt. He slipped it onto her arm and used the strings at the side to secure it. He motioned for her other arm as he pulled the second matching piece from the bag. “They’re vambraces. Kind of like the bracers archers wear.”

“Fuckin’ hell, Lolly’s gonna flip if she sees ye wearin’ all that,” Kol said. “Ye almost look like ye ready fer battle there, lass.”

Nenani’s face hurt from how wide her smile was. She looked over at Yale. “I’m gonna wear these to the dinner. The sleeves are long enough you’d never even see them!”

“Good luck with that!” he laughed.

Connar called her back over. “Haven’t even shown you the best part yet. Let me see that amulet of yours.”

She remembered him saying something about getting a better chain for it so she pulled it over her hear and handed it to him. He took a moment to inspect it. “Man, this thing is old. Like...ancient. Where’d you get it?”

“...Maevis took if off a dead mage in the catacombs inside the walls somewhere near the keep,” she replied. Connar looked up at her, giving her a look, but when she did not reveal it to be a joke, he frowned.

“...you’re serious.”

She nodded and he regarded the fire opal amulet with a growing look of unease. “This thing isn’t like...gonna curse me or anything will it?”

“It hasn’t cursed me,” she replied with a shrug and then paused. “At least I don’t think it has.”

“Very reassuring,” he snorted. From within his satchel he pulled out a few tools and with a deft fingers, used a pair of pliers to pull apart the links securing the chain to the amulet and sat it aside. With the amulet in hand, he gestured her forward and when she stood in front of him, he held out the amulet and placed it in the center of her belt. He used the pliers one more time to loop the ends with a link set into the leather and after only a few moments, he leaned back to inspect it. “There. Now you don’t have to worry about that old chain breaking loose.”

She took a moment to admire the whole of her new gifts before leaping at Connar and all but tackling him to the ground. “Oh, hey now! Oof –!”

“I love it!” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Told you that you would,” he laughed.

“All right, that’s enough,” Farris said. “We’ve got plenty to do without any more distractions. Kol, go get the others and have ‘em all come down here. I’ve got somethin’ ye all need t’hear.”

“Will do,” Kol replied, turning to race back up the stairs. In a matter of minutes, the entire kitchen staff was assembled. Farris looked them all in the eyes and with an irritable grumble, said to them, “Donal’s just told me the guest list fer the dinner just doubled.”

“What?” Yale asked, looking pale. “Doubled? Ye can’t be serious.”

“They’re all coming,” Farris replied, not bothering to disguise his irritation. “Every Duke, Duchess, Earl, and Countess. All of ‘em.”

The answering silence weighed heavily in the air.

“Fuck!” exclaimed Avery, breaking the quiet and yet seeming to capture everyone’s sentiment perfectly. “It’s the weddin’ all over again.”

“Worse,” Farrie replied. “We ain’t got nearly the same amount of time to prep. Donal’s got my list and he’ll be handlin’ the orderin’ and we’ll have twenty tenderfoots to help. Ten of ‘em are the ones that helped out during the weddin’ feast so they’ll at least have some sense of what’s expected of ‘em.”

Connar gave a low whistle. “I don’t envy you boys.”

Kol made an exaggerated moan, leaning heavily against Quinn. “Ugh, please. Someone just throw me off the battlements.”

“Alright,” Quinn smirked, grabbing Kol around the waist and bodily hoisting him up.

“Oi! I was fuckin’ jokin’!” Quinn obligingly sat Kol back down, laughing.

“I’ll trade you places,” Nenani offered Kol. “I’ll stay down here and you can go to the dinner instead.”

“If I thought we’d get away with it,” he said. “I might very well take ye up on that offer, Dumplin’.”

“Don’t think he’d fit into yer dress though,” added Saen with a grin.

“He could just wear it on his hand,” she offered.  

“I’d pay good money to see Kol in a frock,” Avery snickered.

“Aye, I bet you would,” Kol replied with a frown.

“All right then, let’s get to it, lads,” Farris barked, sensing where the conversation was leading. He turned to Nenani. “Best go head on back upstairs, Dumplin’. Donal mentioned yer Mum was lookin’ fer ye.” Nenani made a sad noise of disappointment. “Yale? Go find one ‘a the guards to take her back up.”

“Why can’t I just take the tunnel?” Nenani asked.

Farris eyed her. “Ye heard Thrist didn’t ye? Maevis sensed somethin’. And I ain’t takin’ no chances.” He turned to Saen and waved at Connar as he was slipping his false leg back on. “Saen? Make sure Mr. Observant here gets back to Hev in one piece. Afraid to let him walk back on his own. Might not find him again until spring.”

Connar glared up at Farris. “You’re a real comedian, Farris. You know that?”

“Oh I wasn’t jokin’ none.”

[blukrown]

Pride Amongst Siblings

WARNING! This fic contains: attempted roofying/drugging & attempted sexual assualt

If any of these upset you, please do not read!

Also available on AO3

This fic was commissioned by @mrneighbourlove, thank you so much for the support and giving me the chance to write about your character!

"Shit, come back here!" Leere called out to the small figure she was chasing down the busy market streets of Oshmel.

Five minutes after entering the town and she had already gotten lost as well as got her bag stolen. It was rather embarrassing. She might have the thought to shame herself for her naivety if she weren't pelting after the little thief.

Leere had been walking down the crowded streets, map in hand. She had been trying to find her accommodation for the coming evening when a young child had approached her. Clearly a local, the kid offered his help in leading Leere to her destination. She wasn't one to object to a kind offer, especially not when she secretly needed it, so she let the boy lead the way.

Leere had just started thinking about giving the youth a few rupees for his trouble when another kid jumped her. Snatching her rucksack with all of her things and running off, while the first boy vanished into the busy streets.

Although it did take her moment to realise just what had happened, she was soon in hot pursuit of the second child. She might not  be able to punish the bait but at the very least she could recover her things

For how much she was growing to hate the brat, she didn't want to endanger him or other civilians around him by using her magic. She would, unfortunately, have to do this the hard way.

The kid quickly turned out of the busy main streets and ducked into a quiet alleyway. Leere had thought this would give her an advantage with her long legs but the child seemed to have knowledge with the area and still kept a good distance between them.

"Stop! Thief!" Leere called, hoping she might grab anyone's attention. "Get back here dammit!"

The kid kept close to the left side of the alleyway, clearly ready to skid into a turn down a different laneway in the next few paces. But to Leere's great relief, a tall man poked his torso out from the corner, to see what all the commotion was about. And the kid crashed right into him.

Leere restrained a smile as she caught up to the rascal. Catching her breath, she made sure to first snatch her bag back before the little kid could scuttle off.

When Leere turned to thank her unexpected aid, she noticed the stranger seemed unfazed by the collision. He really was also very tall, with at least two heads more height than Leere. Unrecognizable, it wasn't until she looked to the man's face - marked with a wide, excited grin - that she realised who he was.

"Teb?" Leere asked, pleasantly surprised to see her youngest adoptive brother in a place like this.

"Leere!" Tebanam grinned widely, sweeping his older sister into a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing!" Leere answered, welcoming the embrace.  

"So you were going up to Kahmel as well?" Tebanam said with surprise as he finished his meal. "Don't tell me, you were going after the rumoured treasure in the town's shrine."

Leere let out a chuckle, "I'm guessing you had the same idea?"

"Well yeah," Tebanama nonchalantly nodded. "But I was also going up there for research."

"Oh?" Leere said, pausing the forkful of food she was about to eat. "This is about that distant relative of the Gerudo, right?"

"Yeah, the Garai."

Oshmel, the city Leere and Tebanam currently occupied, was a border city. Just a few minutes by cart from the perimeter of Hyrule, this town was a mix of all cultures. It was a city filled with locals, travellers and full of people from nearly every race in the land. The settlement lived at the summit of a great mountain, one which hides within its craters an old, deserted tribal village, known as Kahmel. Some people believe the people who had occupied the village died by a plague, others by wild animals and others still believed they had been cursed. Either way, no one bothered going up the mountain. After all, nothing was up there accept the sad, abandoned ghost town.

For all the travelling the two of them did, this was their first time meeting on the road. Perhaps it was only a matter of time until Leere would run into Tebanam but it did come at a good time.

About half a year ago, Tebanam and Leere - as well as all their other siblings - had returned to Hyrule castle to celebrate the birth of Covarog's first two children. Leere loved being home with her family, she would stay there forever if she didn't feel the call of adventure.

It had been two years since Tebanam had lost Jazoh - a noble boy taken away from court for being caught having a sexual relationship with the young prince - and Leere and her fellow adopted sister Rinku had only meant to help Tebanam.

For being away from Hyrule for so long, the youngest son of Ganondorf had not seemed to recover from the loss of his partner. The sister's had sought to help Tebanam and comfort him. But at some point, they must've upset him.

Leere could not remember the exact reason but Tebanam had stood up - towering over his elder sisters - and looked Leere right into the eyes and spat, "You're only depressed simply because you want attention! My feelings aren't something I can easily turn off like yours, Leere!"

Rinku, furious at Tebanam's statement and intending to defend her sisters, had countered, "She's only trying to help you, Tebanam! You only travel because you lost your fuck toy! As if that's a good way to cope!"

Tebanam had looked furious, but the pain of hearing his eldest's sister's words cut him deep enough to shut his mouth. He only huffed and stormed out of the room, choosing to leave before he said or heard anything more he may regret.

Leere had left before confronting Tebanam about it. Although she didn't say those things, she still should've at least given him a positive farewell.

However, Tebanam happily talked about his travels, Leere could tell that he did not hold any sort of grudge against her.

"Remember that set of armour I gave papa?" Tebanam asked his pompous smirk wide. "He keeps it on display in his office, y'know." Leaning back in his chair, the half Gerudo man puffed out his chest in pride.

Leere let out a snort, "Not last time I was there. Yours was missing the greaves, remember? So it's an incomplete set." Leere loved teasing he brother and by the pitiful bummed out look on his face, she was looking forward to giving him worse. "Mama likes the golden fan I gave her."

Tebanam snorted, "Yeah but what's the point of a fan if you're not going to use it? Mama's not a shower like Papa either."

That shut Leere right up, not that she minded.

Hyrule castle held the largest collection of armour, antiques and artifacts in the land. All starting with King Ganondorf, the passion for treasure hunting had been passed down to many of his children. Both Leere and Tebanam were both proud competitors of a non-existent competition to see who could bring back the best discovery for their parents. As if her parents could love her any less for not finding a prettier treasure than Tebanam, Leere still could not quite let this immature contest go.

"I have a . . . question for you." Tebanam said, distracting Leere from her walk down memory lane. Leere gave an inquisitive look, which seemed enough for her brother to continue. "You know how you can transform, right?"

Leere frowned, she could almost see the gears in Tebanam's head whirring. "Yeah? What about it?"

"Would you be able to say . . . transform into a man?"

"Well yeah, it's a pretty easy spell actually. Even Mama can do it."

"Although the idea of our dear Mama as a man sounds really funny, that is a subject for a different conversation." Pausing to hear Leere let out a chuckle in bemusement, the brother than continued. "Do you still remember it? As in, can you still do it?"

"Yeah . . . I guess." Leere's eyes then squinted in suspicion. "Where are you going with this?"

"Well . . ."

Having found Tebanam's hotel, they had retreated to his room.

It was rather small, what with the large king-sized bed taking up a large amount of space. But Leere didn't have time to judge Tebanam's choice in accommodation when her brother was hurrying her along.

"Alright," Tebanam said, locking the door so no one could enter. "Now let's see what you can do."

Although still unaware of Tebanam's plan, Leere obeyed her little brother's wishes. With a string of non-Hyrulian words, it only took a few seconds before she disappeared behind smoke - an aftereffect of shape-shifting magic. Once the smoke cleared, Leere spoke.

"Did it - Woah!" Leere began before clutching at her throat. Her light and effeminate voice was now low and gravely. "My voice!"

"No way!" Tebanam said, his face covered with shock and awe. "It worked! I mean, you look exactly the same but . . . But a man!"

Going to the hotel room mirror, Leere was greeted by an adult man in her reflection. Her face was just as pale, eyes just as red and hair just as long. She even still had the beauty spot below the left side of his lip. But there was no mistaking it, she had become a man.

A tuft of brown facial hair covered her chin, a strong jawline and obvious Adam's apple made her look like a normal Hylian man.

"I'm honestly surprised," Leere said as she turned around in front of the mirror. "I haven’t used this spell in years. Not since I was a kid."

Then again, that was when she was young. Where there wasn't really a lot of difference between a prepubescent boy and girl. But looking at herself now, she would honestly not recognise herself.

She could already tell she was a bit taller but only a little, as she compared herself to her mixed-raced younger brother. Leere also felt stronger too, her arm muscles easily bulging out of the shirt she wore.

Now that she mentioned it, her clothes did seem rather tight. Especially around her crotch.

"What the heck?!" Leere shouted at the sight she saw under her pants and underwear.

Tebanam did not seem to feel any shame in joining in and sneaking a peek. And before Leere had the right mind to slap him silly, he was cackling.

"Bahahah!" Tebanam roared, holding his stomach. "I-It's like an acorn! Ahahaha!"

Leere glared at her brother, "Shut it! I'm not a giant Gerudian like you, OK?!"

But nothing seemed to reach Tebanam. He was in a fit of uncontrollable laughter, hunching over as he almost seemed to be in physical pain. Even with Leere - softly - punching him, it took Tebanam a good few minutes to recover.

Wiping his tearing eyes, the young prince sighed. Standing tall, he gave Leere another look over.

"Man, you really are a man, huh? I wouldn't even know it was you if I saw you."

Leere couldn't help but feel proud. Raising an arm and flexing her new muscles. "Are you doubting my magic, little brother?"

Tebanam chuckled, "As if, I know my place."

Leere huffed, "So you should."

"But I've gotta say," Tebanam said, walking a circle around Leere with a hand at his own chin. "You look like the sort of guy I would go after."

"Ew, gross." Leere frowned in disgust.

A look of excitement grew on Tebanam's face. "You know what?" He said excitedly, his eyes wide with excitement. "Let's go out!"

"What?" Leere blanched, "Why?"

"Why not!" His voice filled with enthusiasm. "Let's see how long your spell lasts!"

"How?"

"Let's go to a gay bar!"

"Wha-" Leere began but then shook her head. "No way! They'd definitely know."

"Trust me," Tebanam said, patting his, now, brother on the shoulder. "They won't notice a thing!"

"Wait a second," Leere said, stopping Tebanam in his tracks. Pointing a finger defiantly at her brother, "This was what you were planning from the start!"

"Nu-uh!" Tebanam objected, "I want to . . . test your magic and . . ." He was clearly fumbling for an excuse worthy of his plan but with no success.

Leere crossed her arms over her chest. "Come on, what's going on?"

Tebanam sighed, lifting an arm to ruffle his short, bright orange hair. "Well, I may have, kinda, sort of, got on the bad side of a bartender at the gay bar and got into a fight."

Leere let out a long sigh, shaking her head. "Should I ask?"

"Let's just say that you should never hit on a bartender's sidepiece."

Leere shook her head in disappointment. But this did sound a lot like what her brother would do.

"I'm not going, Teb." Leere said, not helping but sounding sympathetic despite Tebanam's stupidity. "I'm not going to be your bodyguard just so you don't get your ass beaten."

"C'mooooon," Her brother drawled, "Pleeaasee? Have you never wanted to experience what it's like to be a man? Better yet - a gay man? Besides, I'm sure it would be fun!"

Leere pursed her lips and tried to stand for her own convictions. But - for some unknown reason - seeing her fully-grown baby brother plead and implore her made her question her own decision.

Letting out a long exaggerated sigh, Leere rolled her eyes. "Fine! But I'm not the one who's going to save you if you get into any trouble."

On the other side of town, surrounded by brothels, bars and shifty-looking hotels, Oshmel's gay bar was alive with raucous laughter, chatter and music. Men of all ages and races gathered in and around the building. All seeming to be having a great night.

Leere shuffled where she stood at the entrance of the gay bar. She wore a spare pair of Tebanam's old clothes. A bit too big, Leere had made do and created an outfit that suited her new physique.

Leere felt nervous. And she didn't usually get nervous. In circumstances like these, Leere would be excited to go in and have a good time. But with her being under an enchantment, she had a fear that her magic could soon vanish and she knew the many patrons of this male exclusive bar wouldn't be welcome to a woman among them.

Besides, she didn't really know how men, more specifically gay me, flirted. She could use her feminine wiles to make men, and even more women, fall to their knees but she had doubts on her skills as a man.

Luckily, Tebanam - while holding back his clear excitement - comforted her. "You'll be fine, Leer. I promise, if anything happens, we're out."

Leere did not seem convinced, giving her brother a doubtful look.

"Alright, alright." Tebanam said, "I'll pay for your drinks too."

Leere was not one to ignore a free drink, so she grabbed onto Tebanam's wrist and lead the way inside the busy bar.

The gay bar was a nice establishment. With many tables filled with patrons, outside veranda and large dance floor, it was definitely a place Leere would happily go to. The building was dark apart from the candles or torches scattered about, making the mood of the building one of flirtation and mischief. A live band played cheerful yet slow music, a beat perfect to dance to as some patrons were demonstrating.

Going to the bar, Tebanam ordered two of the house's beer. The man behind the bar was quick and settled the two flasks on the bartop for the two siblings to take.

Leere took a hearty sip, welcoming the bitter taste like an old friend, watching over the joyful crowd.

"Hey, is Rukah here?" Tebanam asked the bartender, leaning over to see past the staff behind the bar.

The man shook his head. "No, it's his day off tonight."

Tebanam's said a quick thanks before looking to Leere with relief.

"Let me guess," Leere smiled with bemusement and took another healthy swallow of her drink. "He's the bully you're trying to avoid."

Tebanam nodded, "Trust me, I am not at all sad he isn't here."

Leere's brother then turned back to the bartender a telltale smirk on his lips. He's on the prowl , Leere thought. Not much caring, however.

Both of them finished their first drinks and quickly got a second. Whether that was on Tebanam's tab or the flattered bartender's, Leere didn't know but she was thankful nonetheless.

Just enjoying the amazing vocal acrobatics Tebanam did in flirting with the staff, Leere almost didn't notice a man take the spot on the other side of her at the bar.

"Hey, handsome," The good-looking Hyrulian said with a kind smile. Leaning onto the bartop and looking Leere over.

Tall and decently muscular, Leere would consider him as being a rather attractive man. He had short, blonde hair and soft blue eyes that crinkled when he smiled. Maybe it was just Leere's paranoia but the man looked shifty. Her suspicions didn't seem enough to think twice on it, however.

"Oh," Leere said outwardly, surprised someone would come up to her so soon after arriving. "Hey yourself." Giving her normal flirtatious smile.

It seemed to work a treat, the man only smiled wider. "I've never seen you around here before. Traveller?"

"Yeah," Leere answered with a nod, finishing the last drops of her beer. "Passing through to Kahmel."

"Kahmel?" The man repeated in surprise. His eyes not restraining from looking Leere over again. "By yourself? You must be stronger than you look."

Leere smiled, knowing well that the assumption was based on her still obvious height difference with the stranger. Only miniscule compared to that of her Gerudo siblings, clearly, it was something the man had to note.

"Trust me, I can handle myself." Leere countered, giving a wink for good measure.

The man let out a chuckle, "Oh? Can you handle another drink, then?"

"Easily."

The man got a bartender's attention, ordered and within a few minutes another pint of beer was in Leere's hand.

With already half of her third beer past her lips, she felt a hand go around her waist. The man only smiled, shuffling closer to where she stood at the bar.

"So tell me," The Hyrulian began, his voice low yet very audible over the throng of the bar. "What's your name?"

"Leere." She said, curious to see the man's reaction to her effeminate name.

He didn't seem to falter, only smiling further. "Well, Leere, I'm Rukah."

The name sounded familiar but Leere just took it to just be that it was a common Hyrulian name. Raising her glass she nodded to the man, "Nice to meet you, Rukah."

Finishing her drink in one final gulp, the hand at her waist tugged her ever closer to Rukah's side. "What are you doing after this?" His blue eyes seemed to glow in the dark lighting of the bar, making goosebumps rise on Leere's forearms.

"Well I'll probably go home with my-" She turned to point to her brother but found he was very clearly occupied. Leaning over the bartop, he had snagged a quick kiss from the bartender who seemed more than happy for another. " . . . Friend." She finished lamely, impressed yet annoyed by how distracted her brother had gotten in the mere minutes after arriving.

Rukah chuckled, clearly seeing why Leere paused, "Well it looks like your friend is preoccupied at the moment."

Just as Rukah spoke, the music in the tavern changed. Although the same upbeat tempo as the last hymn, this one was lead by a flute. Clearly a favourite of the patrons, the dancefloor was soon stuffed with new dancers.

Rukah seemed to have the same idea, turning to Leere after looking at the crowd. "Would you like to dance?"

Leere didn't need to look over to her brother to know he was still engrossed in seducing the staff so she shrugged. "Sure."

Joining the ever growing group of occupants on the dancefloor, Leere easily found her rhythm. Dancing and swaying to the beat of the song, she was a bit too inebriated to care if she was giving herself away by the rather erotic way she danced. Rukah seemed impressed and no one seemed to be planning to make a big deal out of it.

Leere had found her stride in regards to flirting as a man, easily knowing when to give Rukah or one of the customers a suggestive glance, when to graze her hand or rear against someone else's. Overall, she was having a good amount of fun.

Sadly, the song had to change and although many people still stayed to dance to the new tune, most opted to retreat back to their tables or the bar. Rukah was one of them, offering Leere another drink before leading the way out of the thinning crowd.

Leere could not see Tebanam at the bar, perhaps already having escorted that bartender back to his hotel room. Leere did feel hurt but seeing the newest pint in Rukah's hand, she easily pushed such thoughts aside.

Leere lifted the drink to her lips and gulped nearly half of the amber liquid down before realising something was off. There was this tang at the back of her throat, something that really should not be in a normal beer.

Looking to Rukah, the Hyrulian man seemed to be looking over cautiously, as if expecting something to happen.

Shit , Leere thought. Quickly trying to take a step towards the bathroom and away from the stranger. Intending to throw up the contents of that beer, Rukah grabbed onto her wrist as soon as she turned away from him.

"Hey now," He said, putting on a look of concern. "What's wrong? Where are you going?"

"B-Bathroom," Leere uttered.

The lights seemed to be going brighter as if someone put fuel to the flames. Her legs soon felt weak, her knees eventually feeling unbalance just by standing still. Something was wrong. Something was in that drink.

"C'mon," Rukah tried to soothe her, reaching out his other hand to take Leere's freed wrist. "Don't you wanna dance a bit more?"

"N-No," Leere weakily shook her head, trying but failing to pull out of the man's grip. "There was . . . There was something in my drink."

The world was beginning to spin, disorientating Leere with even the slightest turn of her head. Whatever was in her drink, it was spreading. Pumped into the bloodstream it made quick work with the alcohol. This wasn't an accident, this was done on purpose and Leere knew just who the culprit was.

Taking a step back again, Leere tried to escape from Rukah's clutches but instead lost her footing. Perhaps due to the sticky floor near the bar or just her now feeble legs, the ground came out from under her.

But two strong hands caught her before she landed on the ground. With what strength Leere had, she looked up.

Tebanam was back and he looked worried. Placing a hand on Leere's forehead, he checked her temperature. "Hey, you ok?"

"N-No," Leere said shakily. "Something was in my-"

"He's fine." Rukah interrupted, taking back Leere's wrist and giving it a soft tug. "We were just thinking about going back to my place."

Tebanam frowned, looking from his weakened sister to the stranger. "I don't think so." Easily grabbing onto the Hyrulian's wrist, he squeezed the shorter man hard enough to recoil from his grapple on Leere, who welcomed the protective arm of her brother around her.

"W-We were having fun!" Rukah stuttered, trying to defend himself out desperation. "He'll be fine, I'll look after him. Why don't you go back to chatting with Tirill?" Nodding to the bar, clearly speaking about the man Tebanam had been flirting with. "You two were getting pretty familiar, it'd be a shame if-"

Rukah paused his rambling to scowl. Looking up, he squinted at Tebanam's face as if recognising him. "Wait just a moment . . . Do I know you?"

Even Leere could feel Tebanam stiffen. His arms squeezing ever so tighter around her shoulders as if to keep her from slipping away.

"No you don’t," Tebanam obviously lied. "I'm just a-"

"Yeah . . ." Rukah interrupted, raising a hand to point at the tall man. "Yeah, I know you alright! You're that prick who went after Rilon!"

"Y-You're wrong, I don't know a Rilon." Tebanam continued, taking a cautious step back.

"Don't you bullshit me!" Rukah angrily shouted, catching bystander's attention. "You were here before! Going after him when you knew he was mine!"

"Well, m-maybe I did," Tebanam admitted, "But I didn't know he was yours."

Leere, perhaps too out of it to truly understand the context of this fight, could not help but spare a thought of bemusement. Seeing her tall half-Gerudo brother almost cowering from the puny Hyrulian that stood in front of him.

"Shut it!" Rukah said, clearly intoxicated and visibly angry. Reaching out he grabbed onto Leere's wrist. So tight that is it made her grunt in discomfort. "Imma take your boyfriend and we'll pretend like this never happened."

"Boyfriend?!" Tebanam said, tone heavy with shock and disgust. "He's my sis-brother!" Leere could feel her younger sibling take a step backwards, trying to make space between them and the Hyrulian. "Now let go of him!"

"No way," Rukah said, shaking his head as he closed the space between them again. "I work here, remember? So you better play nice."

With one strong yank, Leere had slipped from Tebanam's safe embrace into the stranger’s arms. Holding both of her arms behind her back and with Leere's symptoms only worsening, there was no way she would have the strength to free herself.

"I'll repeat myself only one more time." Rukah said, a half-crazed smirk curling his face. "You get out of my club and leave your . . . brother with me."

With all the strength she had left, Leere crouched in her assailant's grip. And before either her brother or her attacker could say a thing, she jumped upwards and slamming the back of her head into Rukah's chin and nose.

Leere felt the arms that had been restraining her loosen and took the needed steps to get back to Tebanam's side. Rukah was on the floor, falling onto his ass from the force of the hit. He let out a pathetic groan, clutching at his face as he wriggled to get back up to his feet.

To Leere's dismay, three men separated from the onlooking crowd to join Rukah by his side. Clearly not there to negotiate.

Leere swore under her breath. Knowing her condition, she would only be able to fight off one of the newcomers. But Leere then felt the hand that held her close squeeze her. Tebanam was still with her and clearly, he'd be able to handle the rest of the rabble.

The newcomers were the first to move in. All at once, all three lept to separate the siblings. Leere kicked one in the shin, causing the man to topple. Tebanam used his large forearms to careen across and smack the other two away.

In the ensuing chaos, Leere quickly had her opponent groaning from a broken bone and Tebanam had left the other two men unconscious.

Thankfully, that seemed to be the only people who were planning to side with the now bleeding Rukah. So before any more people got any ideas, the siblings quickly pushed through the onlooking crowd and left the bar in a run.

The night sky outside of Oshmel was beautiful. Without the lights of the city brightening the heavens, the navy blue was dotted by bright stars. It was also silent apart from the soft running of the nearby river flowing through the grasslands and the soft chirping of local insects.

Too bad that was ruined by Leere heaving up the inside of her stomach into the river. Trying as best she could to get rid of any last remnants of whatever Rukah had slipped into her drink. The only comfort being the soft, comforting pat of her little brother against her hunched back.

With her stomach feeling empty and throat sore from choking, Leere laid down in the grass to rest and to stop her head from spinning.

"You feeling better?" Tebanam inquired, sitting next to her and looking over the meadow-covered scape.

"Not a lot," Leere muttered and lifted her had to squeeze it into a fist. "But my energy is coming back."

"Good," Tebanam sighed in relief. "I'm sorry, by the way. I really should've kept an eye on you."

"Yeah, you should've." Leere said dryly but then nudging Tebanam from where she lay to tell him she was joking. "But it's not your fault. It's that son of a bitch Rukah who should by saying sorry."

Tebanam let out an understanding grunt but didn't seem to quite like he had understood that he had been forgiven. Guilt still twinkled in his orange eyes as a frown played at his brow.

"Listen . . . I'm sorry for what I had said. The last time we saw each other, I mean." Tebanam muttered, pulling a blade of grass from the stem to fiddle with it in his fingers. "It was uncalled for."

Leere shrugged, sitting up to watch her little brother twist and tug at the leaf. "It's fine. Me and Rinku weren't really helping things. I don't really know where it all came from but . . . we really shouldn't have ended it like that."

Tebanam nodded, the blade of grass now tatters in his lap. "Yeah . . . me neither."

Nudging her baby brother again, Leere smiled to him. "As if I could ever hold a grudge against you, Teb."

Tebanam could only smile, reassurance being all he needed to let him relax where he sat. "We better get going then." The brother said before getting to his feet. "You can stay in my room tonight."

Leere stood up on her feet but soon felt her knees shake under the pressure of holding herself upwards. Tebanam seemed to see her dilemma and smiled.

"C'mon," He said, crouching and offering his back for her to climb onto. "I'll carry you."

Leere restrained a smile and obeyed, quickly getting into Tebanam's back. She was having a strong sense of nostalgia. They had used to do this when they were kids, only it had been the other way around. Tebanam sobbing from a grazed knee and Leere telling him off for not being careful.

"Goddesses, you're heavy." Tebanam groaned as he steadied himself.

Leere playfully hit her brother, "That's no way to talk to a girl." "But your not a girl," Tebanam retorted, smirking at Leere's still transformed appearance.

"Oh yeah!" The sister gasped, quickly muttering the needed incantation under her breath. She soon felt lighter, her clothes loosening and her chest quickly weighing her down. "Better?"

"Much so," Tebanam answered mid-chuckle.

For that one night, the town of Oshwel was treated to the sound of adult siblings laughter as the two of them, with only one trail of footsteps, ran down the empty streets.

This fic is based on the Zelgan au (and Rinku) by @figmentforms Tebanam is created by @s-kinnaly Leere is created by @mrneighbourlove Towns and other minor characters are by me I highly recommend you look at their content on this to have a better understanding of the story

[ghosty-schnibibit]

SO HOW ABOUT THAT AMNESTY EP GUYS

spent the afternoon watching coraline and catching up on laundry, i think i'm ready for some creepy quell shit. also it's currently raining its ass off r/n and my power may go out at any second. let's go!

i fuckin forgot woodbridge existed lmao

can't wait to see wtf is up with the interpreter

damn this is cool

oh wait what the fuck

oh shit this is the shapeshifter planet!!!

god i love minerva so much

well this is spooky as shit

are they in sylvain already?

"guys! gals! peoples!" thank u for being inclusive thacker

hmm, interesting!

eww, ew ew ew, griffin why

CENTIPEDE

bless you clint lmao

"that's a tricky question" griffin i am afraid

"weird cloud full of centipedes" GRIFFIN I AM AFRAID

... so it was invisible, and somehow thacker could see it?

i legit cannot remember what the plan was once they got to sylvain beside fuck up the quell

NICE! go duck! :D

"did your hero duck newton level up?" he deserves to for the brilliant radio fumble last ep

oh no, this battle is going to be so bad for thacker D:

EWWWWW

oh god i forgot he stabbed a dude's hand holy shit

cool! good call

oh fuck that's not great

lovely folley there trav

oh thank god she has so many bonuses

that's a beautiful mental image lol

they’ve turned it into shiny jello

l i l  q u e l l

oh god it's like the fuckin steak from poltergeist

barclay i love you holy shit

a what justin???? oh its a ff thing, okay

thacker and mama are such cute friends, i love them

"she's highly flammable" bless

stern you fuckin dork

duck w h y

aww pigeon ; _ ;

goddammit griffin you are making me cry

WELCOME TO CHICAGO DIPSHITS

well this is ominous as hell

yes she does! :D

aubrey you are precious and i love you

IT'S THE LITTLE INTERPRETER

... wait did she say she'd a fraud???

OH NO, OH NO, THEY'RE ALL DEAD, OH NO

GRIFFIN I AM AFRAID

justin continuing to play super dexterous characters lol

NICE! go thacker

kick! that! hand!

was it trying to turn her???

oh no please tell me vincent is still alive

yeah maybe do that duck

... oh no, that's vincent isn't it

gotta love them good finale rolls

e a t  m y  w h o l e  a s s

oh no, spooky bad music, oh no oh no oh no

CALLED IT! NOT FUCKING HAPPY I CALLED IT BUT I CALLED IT!

thacker what are you doing

FUCK YEAH CLINT

oh damn, digging this music

OH HOLY SHIT IT'S THE QUELL

i love this voice effect so much but i'm terrified

HE SAVED HIM! THACKER SAVED HIM :D

oh poor vincent :'(

duck do not pawn off your slim jims on this poor goat man

"that is bracing" bless you vincent holy shit

oooooh no, this is going to end badly

OH WHAT THE FUCK

only two more episodes!!! fuck!!!!!

take your time griffin, you have proven time and again that delays from you only mean better quality in the long run

OH FUCK THAT MUSIC

OH NO MUFFY

oh my fucking god that was so surreal, jesus fuck

oh no this could be really bad

i forgot woodbridge was a ghost, the voice griffin gives him makes me think of the tootsie pop owl

aubrey i fucking love you so much

NICE! go janelle

THE WEE BABEY

he got his chosen power back also, which is good

does vincent have a crush on duck

m e a t  m e t h

aubrey you cannot be this nonchalant about these things

... she didn't know. that wasn't a cry for help, she didn't know aubrey could hear her, what did she mean about being a fraud?

that's a fun new word clint

oop, hello there music

... IT'S BECAUSE AUBREY IS THERE

i am both concerned and terrified

there are nine minutes left in the episode griffin what is going on here

god i cannot fucking wait to see art of this

YEAAAH GO DANI

YEAAAAAH GO INDRID

I'M GONNA FUCKING CRYYY

OH NO, OH NO, DO NOT KILL MY GIRL GRIFFIN

WAIT WHAT??? IS THIS NOT JAKE?????

DHFADGLSSJDGLSJLHDFLJKDDKJADGKJ WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

NO GRIFFN, GO BACK TO WHAT EVER THE FUCK THAT WAS, WHAT THE FLYING FUCK

aubrey my baby ilu

AUBREY IS SYLVAIN CONFIRMED

FUCK! DR. HARRIS BONKERS IS A SYLPH NOW, THAT’S WHY HE TRANSFORMED, FUCK!!!

oh my god this music is so perfect

SO YEAH, ALL OF THAT JUST HAPPENED. SEE YA’LL IN SEPTEMBER, HOLY SHIT.

[ohsweetflips]

okay so AMNESTY

mad spoilers under the cut bc i’ve had a couple hours to think and let what happened in that ep completely consume me and i have So Much To Say

psa: this post is a fucking mess bc im so tired

shout out to sheriff ownes for just Accepting this shit like he really just looked at scary not-barclay bigfoot and spectre deputy dewey and went, “adult life is already so goddamn weird, this may as well happen”

aubrey and hollis bitching at each other,,,, i kinda super love it

aubrey’s “fuck off” was good, and surprising imo, too

“you better respectre that... it’s a little spectre joke” “yeah, very little”

also i just really loved duck in general in that opening scene like

honestly just the way that duck and ned are as characters is so interesting to me like!!! you have duck who is, by all accounts minus the talking sword, super normal, but he’s still so brave and so ready to rush into things. and ned, who seems himself as the “lesser” and the “coward” of the group, has really been put through the ringer recently and is still fucking trucking along!!!

and then there’s aubrey, who is so fiery and passionate and shows that in every single thing that she does. she’s impulsive and so action-before-thought but she’s also so ready to learn about what the Fuck is going on and just

okay forgive me i’m so fucking tired and have been so consumed by the last fucking two minutes of the episode that my thoughts are so jumbled

but, w/ aubrey, i love how she was actually getting frustrated with janelle

and duck and leo have me fucking Nervous

ALSO THO CALLED IT THAT THIS ABOMINATION IS PROBABLY LOOKING TO START A WAR BETWEEN EARTH AND SYLVANE

also, back to aubrey, my theory is that, after touching the crystal, sylvane is literally A Part of her, thus why she was able to save dewey. but, speaking of dewey, if only sylvans become ghosts in the light of sylvane........ is dewey a sylvan??????

BUT HEY LETS TALK ABOUT NED AND BOYD FOR A HOT SECOND

well, ned first: 1) where’s that laptop, 2) when dani showed up in mama’s office, i high key freaked out

i didn’t expect him to take the statue so quickly but Holy Shit

and the hotel scene with boyd and ned? 

or, shall i say, “boyd” and ned

like, when ned was offering boyd the cryptonomica van, i thought it was gonna be that ned would file a “stolen van” report with the police and get boyd arrested again

and then he was basically like, “boyd, i will give you everything i have if you give me the pendant” and i was like Holy Fuck

im so tired i promise i’m more eloquent than this i’m just fucking exhausted 

and then boyd being sick really got to me? like, at first, i Really didn’t want ned to give him the statue, but then when i realized that it was 99% gonna go to boyd’s treatment for whatever he has.......

but when griffin got to the epilogue, i knew Something had to be up. i really thought it was going to be that boyd lied and still had all of ned’s stuff. or that boyd someone was in contact with mama.

and then

and fucking then

“boyd” steps through the rift while boyd’s actual body (aka a fucking corpse) is left in the closet

like holy fuck????? i think boyd was who was in that light caccoon in the hotel

and that “sacrifice/transaction” janelle mentioned?? i think it was either boyd, or will be dani

but boyd’s death keeps fucking me up so badly bc 1) we know For Sure that this abomination can speak and reason and tap into memories and literally know Everything about the person it mimics, 2) ned still very much thinks that boyd is alive, and 3) i try not to look at amnesty through a balance lense but us finding boyd’s corpse in the closet is the closest i have felt to balance-levels of fucking me up

oh my god this post is so messy but i’m so tired and i need to relisten to the episode one more time to get all my thoughts in order

a couple weeks back, i saw someone mentioning how this arc felt like “finale territory” for amnesty and, back then, i didn’t get it, but now i Completely See It like,,,, this feels Super Close to finale territory

also, final point, if one of the final scenes of this arc isn’t the pine guard being faced with two clones of each other, both going, “i’m the real one!!! kill the other one!!!!!” i will be fucking shocked

[doggonneit]

Honey Eyes and Bloody Lips

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing/Characters: Kuroo/Tsukishima

Rating: T for Teen

Warnings: Swearing, piercings, tattoos, blood

A.N. This is for @its-love-u-asshole for the @hqvalentineexchange. I hope you enjoy!

[Read on AO3]

Kuroo should’ve guessed from the name Karasuno that there would be a crow theme to the studio. The front was nothing spectacular to look at, all the dirty grey of concrete with a few crow silhouettes spray-painted onto its surface. Whoever had been tasked with that job had taken liberties with the amount of paint they used, as each bird had black trails trickling down like blood.

It was morbid.

Kuroo thought it was adorable.

Akaashi had recommended the studio since one of his friends worked there, and he gave a ringing endorsement to their piercing services which was impressive because praise that like didn’t come lightly from someone like him. A quick Google search further cemented Karasuno’s reputation-- they’d only been open for six months but already garnered over one hundred reviews raving about their excellent standards of service and friendly staff.

That was all Kuroo needed before he grabbed his keys and drove down to the studio.

Given its macabre exterior, it wasn’t surprising to see the same theme running in its interior-- more of the same dripping birds gliding along the walls and resting on silhouettes of tree branches that curled around the polaroids of ironically happy customers with their new piercings.

A blond man sat behind the front counter, so concentrated on adjusting jewellery in a velvet case while humming to the music coming from the portable speaker next to him that he didn’t notice Kuroo’s presence till he leaned over and put his elbows on the surface.

“Oh.” The man’s golden gaze flitted upwards and his mouth formed a perfect o. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

Kuroo gaped and his elbows slipped out from under him. He smacked his forehead on the counter with the loudest crack and in that moment he wished through the haze of pain for instant death to save him from the humiliation of looking like a complete moron in front of the most gorgeous man to walk the earth.

“Shit.” The man leaned closer to him and that was not good for his heart . “Are you all right?”

“Fine!” Kuroo sprang back a safe distance and pretended he couldn't the heat blazing across his cheeks like a wildfire. He usually wasn’t this inept, and he cursed the little black crows on the walls for his dismal state. “Sorry, clumsy. Super clumsy.”

“Yeah, that looks like it’ll bruise.”

“The only thing bruised is my pride,” Kuroo weakly joked. “Nothing important.”

The man gave a small huff of laughter and Kuroo’s pride swelled back to its usual inflated proportions. How many people could boast they had literally heard happiness from an angel? It was the most beautiful sound, the kind that was meant to be curled up on the couch next to him laughing late into the night about their hopes and dreams.

“Well then, welcome to Karasuno. My name’s Tsukishima and I’m here for all your piercing needs. What can I do for you today?”

It took Kuroo a moment to remember why he even came here in the first place.

“I’m thinking of getting pierced,” Kuroo said, then gave himself the biggest mental slap. He was in a piercing studio, for fuck’s sake. It wasn’t like he walked in here looking for rainbows and unicorns. “So, uh, you take walk-ins?”

“Yeah, absolutely. What did you want done?”

Kuroo paused. He’d wanted to get a third set done in his ears for a while now, but all the client photos showcasing a variety of piercings in a variety of places wavered his intentions and a good, long look at Tsukishima changed them completely.

Tsukishima was naturally stunning, and the jewellery that adorned him made him a complete work of art. The most striking piece was a barbell that went straight through the middle of his bottom lip and moved with every word like a hypnotic dance. Kuroo had never seen jewellery so perfect for someone and he wanted something like that for himself.

Tsukishima’s golden eyes followed Kuroo’s gaze and ran his tongue over the piercing, far too slow to be anything but deliberate. “You like the labret?”

Say something cool, say something cool, say something cool.

“It’s cool,” Kuroo said, and wished he could melt through the floor. That had to be the lamest response ever. Why was he being such a thirteen year old boy trying to impress his crush? He ignored the fact that it wasn’t too far from his current reality. “I don’t have the guts to take a needle through the lip though. I’m squeamish.”

That’ll make the devastatingly handsome man swoon. Good job, dumbass.

Tsukishima raised one pierced eyebrow. “Squeamish,” he repeated, looking pointedly at Kuroo’s arms. “That makes so much sense.”

“Oh, these.” Kuroo touched his tattooed sleeves with an abashed chuckle. He liked his ink and it was nothing to call it an addiction, not since he got his first taste on his nineteenth birthday when Akaashi tattooed a little black cat sitting on the side of his neck and showed him the wonders of body art.

The needle hooked him and never let go. Kuroo turned to Akaashi for his every tattooing need: a love poem in cursive Spanish across his ribs, the vivid blues of a stormy ocean crashing down his right arm and the livid greens of a snarling dragon spiralling its way down his left arm.

“You must have a stomach for needles if you can sit through hours of being repeatedly stabbed and injected with ink,” Tsukishima said.

“The needle’s not as big,” Kuroo protested, and if he didn't feel like a child before then he certainly did now. But hey, this was pure survival instincts speaking-- it was perfectly natural to be wary of sharp objects that could punch a hole through your body. “It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective.”

“Fair enough,” Tsukishima agreed. “So, no labret for you today?”

Kuroo was about to say no, but he just couldn’t peel his eyes away from Tsukishima’s mouth and how amazing they looked with the silver ball ends seated perfectly above and below his bottom lip. He wanted to know what that felt like on his lips, whether it be through a kiss or a needle.

You romantic, you.

“I want it,” Kuroo quickly said.

Tsukishima frowned, noticing Kuroo’s snap decision and clearly wanting him to take a step back and think it through. “If you’re unsure, it may be best to postpone--”

“No, I want it,” Kuroo said again, this time slower and with greater conviction. “I want the labret.”

Tsukishima fell silent and he held out for what felt like an eternity, no doubt testing Kuroo’s resolution. But Kuroo didn’t budge-- he was going to stick with the big, scary needle going through his whole lip because his mama may have raised a fool but she didn’t raise no quitter.

“If you’re sure--”

“Oh, I am.”

“--we have a selection of colours available you can see over there. Take your time picking one and I’ll go get my equipment ready.”

They parted from the counter, Kuroo ducking his head as soon as it was polite and burying his face in his hands. If he rubbed hard enough, maybe he’d scourge the redness from his cheeks by completely sanding off his skin. It’d been years since his awkward teenage years and here he was reliving every single one of those horror stories again.

At least he didn’t have acne anymore.

Kuroo took a deep breath and faced the display cabinet-- nope, he wasn’t going to let himself spiral down that particular path right now, not when there was a chance he could make an even bigger fool of himself. He focused on the jewellery gleaming under the little lights and where was he even supposed to start? Colour? Stone? Ends? Kuroo just blinked and stared-- he’d made too big a decision in getting a labret and now his decision-making skills had deserted him in his hour of need.

“What are you thinking?”

Kuroo yelped and jumped straight into the cabinet. The jewellery inside rattled loose like beads all over their shelves and Tsukishima grabbed onto his arms to steady him.

“Whoa, sorry.” Tsukishima smoothed down his shirt and gave it a pat. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Oh my god, he touched my chest, not a drill, not a drill!

“No, I was just supised-- surpised-- surp--surp--”

“Surprised?” Tsukishima offered.

“Surprised.” Kuroo’s voice came out embarrassingly high-pitched and now he was even squeaking like he was thirteen again. He cleared his throat and said in a much deeper and sexier voice, “Surprised. Yes. Sorry about the, uh, mess in the cabinet.”

“No need,” Tsukishima said with a shrug. “I’ve been meaning to rearrange it anyway.”

“Oh,” Kuroo said. “Good.”

Silence.

“So,” Tsukishima prompted. “Jewellery?”

“Right!” Kuroo gave a nervous laugh. “Uh, I’m not too sure what’ll look best on me, so I don’t know?”

Fantastic, men love indecision.

Tsukishima considered his answer. “If you’re not sure then you can never go wrong with simplicity. How about silver, with ball ends?”

“Like yours?”

“Like mine.”

Kuroo’s heart did a weird flop. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, that’s good.”

Tsukishima smiled and this is how men go blind and led him into one of the back rooms where a small stool and a tray of various equipment were set out. Kuroo tried not to look at them because his imagination conjured visuals far worse than reality could ever be.

“Take a seat there. You’ve been pierced before, and this process is no different.” Tsukishima snapped on a pair of purple latex gloves and cleaned Kuroo’s lip with an antibacterial wipe and used a black marker to make a small dot beneath the swell of his bottom lip. “How does that look?”

Kuroo glanced into the mirror on the wall and nodded. “Good.”

“Okay, I’m going to use this,” Tsukishima picked up a giant pair of glistening forceps, “to hold your lip in position.”

Kuroo’s eyes bugged out at the contraption and he began to sweat. “Tha-- that’s huge,” he managed.

“It doesn’t hurt or anything,” Tsukishima assured him. “It just steadies your lip so the needle doesn’t go in crooked.”

“The needle--”

“It looks like this.” Tsukishima picked it up. “It’s not as bad as you thought, right?”

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t as thick or threatening as Kuroo had envisioned but it still was going to punch a hole through his lip and he might just faint if he saw it coming towards him.

“Can I keep my eyes shut?” he asked.

“Of course.”

Kuroo did just that and he felt Tsukishima pull his lip out and hold onto it with the forceps. He was okay, he was doing okay, he was going to be okay…

“Take a deep breath,” Tsukishima said.

Kuroo obeyed, then a sharp sting went through his lip and he couldn’t help but open his eyes and see the needle sticking out of his lip. And what was that? The warmth dripping from his lip and down to his chin?

“Oh ny god,” he said through motionless lips. “Oh ny god… the glood…”

“Hey,” Tsukishima said. “Hey. Look at me.”

Kuroo tore his gaze upwards and looked straight into honey eyes and began to drown in their warmth and beauty. If he was going to bleed to death, this was surely the way to go. “Hi,” he whispered.

“Hi,” Tsukishima whispered back. "Keep your eyes on me, okay?"

That wasn't a difficult request-- in fact, Kuroo would gladly just sit there all day long and admire the sharp planes of Tsukishima's cheekbones, his milky smooth skin and how long and fluttery hiseyelashes were. If karma was indeed a thing, then Tsukishima had to have done something amazing in his past lives to be an angel walking on this earth today.

You are such a goner, you sap.

Tsukishima’s hands never stopped working and far too soon he stepped back with a small smile. “That’s it. All done.”

“That quick?”

Tsukishima gestured to the mirror. “Take a look.”

Kuroo turned and hot damn . He turned this way and that way, admiring how much more badass he looked now. He couldn’t have asked for a better piercer-- Tsukishima knew his stuff and even better, he was art and he made other people art too.

“How’s that?” Tsukishima asked. “We match.”

“We match,” Kuroo happily said.

“You like it?”

"Yeah," Kuroo said. He gave a wide grin which, to his surprise, made Tsukishima wince. "Is something wrong?"

"Not... wrong, per se," Tsukishima said. He made a vague gesture to his mouth. "You, uh, have blood on your teeth. It looks rather threatening."

"Shit, ha." Kuroo wiped the smile from his face and adopted a glare instead with his teeth bared. "How do I look now? Badass?"

"Badass," Tsukishima confirmed, setting his equipment straight again and beckoning. "Come out front. I'll ring you up and book you in for a follow-up appointment."

They made their way back to the front of the studio where Kuroo paid for his new piercing and zoned out of the spiel on how to take care of it. He'd gone through the routines before and this was hardly any different so he played with his barbell instead-- poking at it with the tip of his tongue and mouthing at it between his lips. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would and he was so engrossed that he didn't notice Tsukishima frowning at him till it was too late.

Oops. Can't ignore the calls of an angel.

"Sorry, I just really like it," Kuroo said.

"Keep doing that and it won't heal straight," Tsukishima warned. "You want a crooked piercing?"

The thought of the perfectly placed barbell growing slanted made Kuroo's eye twitch and he vowed not to touch it again, at least until it healed, otherwise it'd be a waste of Tsukishima's skills.

"I've booked you in for the same time in two weeks," Tsukishima said. He took a business card from the counter and scrawled the appointment details on the back, ending it with an elegant flick of his wrist and pressing the card into Kuroo's hand. His skin was warm and his touch lingered against Kuroo's.

I'm absolutely besotted, help.

Kuroo wanted to say more and prolong his visit but Tsukishima had already turned away and busied himself with another jewellery display. Kuroo didn't want to call his attention, not when he'd so clearly been dismissed, so he bade a silent farewell and stepped outside to a bustling street filled with noisy pedestrians and blaring traffic. It was such a contrast from the interior of the quiet studio that it took Kuroo by surprise.

He leaned on one of the concrete walls next to a little black crow that looked like it was shitting black paint on his shoulder, and was about to slip the card into his phone case when he noticed something extra written on the back.

Call me. 03-XXXX-XXXX

Kuroo stared at the words with his jaw wide open and almost swallowed a fly. He choked on his spit and whipped around to look through the glass door but Tsukishima had already disappeared.

Oh my god oh my god ohmygod ohmygodohmygod!

Kuroo couldn't control the gigantic grin that broke out over his face and he probably still had blood in his teeth judging by some of the horrified stares he got but who cared about them when he got the number of the most gorgeous man to exist on this plane? Kuroo hurriedly opened up his camera and gave the most terrifying grin and holy hell did he look demonic with his hair spiking up in a hundred different directions and his mouth filled with blood. He took a picture, posted it to Karasuno's page and began writing another five star review to add to their collection.  

10/10 would recommend, should've taken a polaroid like this. Thanks, Tsukishima!

[hornsbeforehalos]

Hunter And Arrow: Ten Years Later [Epilogue]

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x OFC

Warnings:  Language, the fact that I wrote it, violence, death,

A/N: I do not own TWD or any of it’s characters besides the OFC’s I’ve created. Do not repost my work anywhere without my permission.

Sorry this took so much longer than I originally anticipated. Having a ‘blah’ moment. :/ <3 

SERIES MASTERLIST

TAGS: @make-things-beautiful2 @reigningqueenofwords@srj1990@jesbakescookies @aquivercactus  @daddy-kink-confirmed@kellyn1604@reedusteinrambles @dragongirl420 @addiction-survivor25@through-thesilver-lining  @redm81@jodiereedus22@docharleythegeekqueen

“Daaaaad! Wake up! Wake. Up!” Arrow whined, shaking her father’s arm as hard as she could. He jolted up, blinking a couple of times as he assessed his surroundings. Realizing he was in his own home, and not in the place of his nightmares, he grunted as he rubbed his eyes, “What?”

“We’re supposed to go hunting today, Ol’ man, get up.” Arrow commanded him, dropping his bow to the floor at his feet.

“Man, I been waitin’ on you.”

“Sure you have, you ready?” Arrow snorted, a smirk playing on her lips as her dad continued to rub the sleep from his eyes. 

“Yeah, where’s yer mama?” Daryl grunted, voice still thick with sleep.

“In the kitchen fixin’ breakfast for us to take, come on, Daddy, get up.” She replied with another whine, reaching down and grasping his hand to pull him to his feet. He grunted as he stood, his bones cracking as he stretched his limbs out from their stiff positions. 

“Gettin’ too ol’ for this shit, Aare. You’s gon’ have to get yer mama to take you next time.”

“Whatever, ol’ man.” Hunter snorted as she finished loading their Tubbaware dishes down with bacon and eggs and toast as they entered the kitchen. She continued to pack them away as Daryl came up behind her to kiss her cheek and squeeze her waist, earning him a gagging sound from their thirteen year old daughter. 

“Gross.” She spat, sticking her tongue out and scrunching her nose. 

“Yer gross.” Daryl retorted, flipping the girl off who returned the favor as he nuzzled into his wife’s neck, “Thank it’s time she learn how babies is made, wife?”

“I already know, asshole, I live in the same house as you too fuck rabbits.”

“Watch yer mouth, Arrow Rae.” Hunter barked, the smile on her face betraying the snap she intended as her husband continued tickling her neck and face with his stubbly chin. She ducked her neck away from him and used her ass to push him away as she moved to the other side of the kitchen to put the pans in the sink, “Quit damagin’ yer daughter, Daryl. Gon’ give her the wrong idea.”

“About what? She knows what’ll happen if she brangs a boy to this house. Even though I don’ thank tha’s gon’ be the prollem we have...”Daryl teased, smirking smugly at his daughter as he watched her face turn redder than her hair. Arrow looked anywhere but at her parents.

“Mmhmm, I see the way you and Judith look at each other, don’ thank I don’ know, girl. Bes’ watch ya’llselves, though,” Daryl quirked, pointing a finger at her as he stole a piece of bacon from Hunter’s plate, ignoring the swat she gave his hand as he stuffed it into his mouth, “Too young to do more than those looks ya givin’ ‘er, you hear me?”

Arrow rolled her eyes and ignored her mother’s snort, “Whatever, dad. Can we go yet?”

“Ya’ll git outta my house, go play in the woods.” Hunter urged, pushing them towards the door after they grabbed their gear. She smiled as she watched them both flip her off in unison before climbing on the back of his bike and heading towards the gates of the community.

“I got it! I friggin’ got it!” Jerry exclaimed, jumping out of his seat and throwing his hands up in triumph as he turned to his assistant, “Quick, go get His Majesty and tell him to hurry!” 

A lot of things had changed in the 9 years since Jerry had created the vaccine using Arrow’s blood that had begun to save the lives of the remaining population. They had encountered many more enemies once word spread of the growing community of Alexandria and their miracle cure, but each battle that Daryl and Hunter went into side by side always ended in them being the victors. They still didn’t have a lot of the old luxuries that they’d once enjoyed before the world went to shit, but just the fact that they had a way to keep the dead actually dead and protect people from turning was enough hope for everyone. 

Daryl and Arrow were basically inseparable, her being attached to her daddy’s hip from the first time he deemed her big enough for the back of his motorcycle. It was very rare for you to see Daryl Dixon and him not have his fiery, snappy, feisty pouf of red hair following close behind. They would go on runs to the other communities together, to set arrangements with new settlements they’d hear about and to help find lost ones that were seeking refuge and a home. They were the perfect team, especially doing their favorite thing to do together, hunting. 

After spending all day in the thick forest, they’d chosen to spend the night outside the walls, Radioing in to Hunter that they’d be home the next day. Hunter of course made them promise to be careful, knowing that even though that while the dead ones that walked were significantly less in numbers as they had been, it still wasn’t completely safe yet. They’d assured her that they’d be home in time for dinner and sent her kisses goodnight before enjoying each other’s company in front of the fire they’d created.

They were silent a long time before Arrow decided to ask her father the one thing she’d been worried about all day, “You really don’ care that I’m...”

“What, gay?” Daryl grunted, smirking a little as he let out a chuckle through his nose.

"I guess...” She trailed off, her voice quiet.

“Are you gay?”

“I don’ know, daddy. I feel...”

“Weird?”

“Yeah...I guess that’s the best way to describe it.”

“Look, I ain’ no good at shit like this, you know. But I ain’t give a fuck if you like girls.” Daryl assured, lighting a cigarette before turning to face her. Her blue eyes sparkled in the fire light and matched his, relief flooding through her irises as she nodded her head at her father’s acceptance. 

After another bout of quiet Arrow spoke again, “I have another question,”

“What?” Her father rasped.

“Mama tol’ me one time about Paul having a crush on you?”

Daryl couldn’t help the snort that spewed from his nose, almost choking on the smoke that had been residing in his lungs from his latest drag off his cigarette, “Of course she did.”

“So.... did he?”

“I wouldn’t necessarily call it a crush.”

“Then what was it?” Arrow asked quietly, confusion furrowing her brows as she looked at her father. 

“Me and Paul...we were close.”

“How close?” Arrow inquired, eyeing him suspiciously. 

Daryl sighed, not exactly sure if he was ready for his own self-revelation, “We never did what yer thankin’, but...There was somethin’.”

Arrow’s eyes widened upon realization, her breath hitching back a gasp as her mouth opened and closed wordlessly. She didn’t want to push past what he’d already confessed, the knowledge that her dad had dealt with the confusing feelings she was going through was enough to help her feel better. She scooted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder as he took another drag off his smoke before she stole it from his fingers to take one for herself.

“You better not never tell yer mama I let you smoke.” 

“I’m thirteen, dad, I’m not stupid.”

“Yeah, but I’m stupid for lettin’ you. You cured the dead desease, not Cancer.”

“Fuck you, ol’ man.” She snorted, bringing the stick to her lips and inhaling the toxic smoke.

“Don’ ever tell yer mama what I jus’ told you, either.” Daryl grunted, snatching the cigarette back from her fingers.

“Why not?”

“She’d flip her shit.”

“She already knows, dad.” Arrow replied, cocking her head against his shoulder and nudging him.

“What?” Daryl choked, jerking away from her.

“She knows. I heard her teasing Jesus one day at the Hilltop about it.” 

Daryl exhaled sharply though his nose, his nostrils flaring as he shook his head, “He saved my life, ya know? I thought ya mama was was long dead. Anytime I ever let anyone close to me and they’d die. I never let him get that close, but we had...I dunno, like I said, something.”

“Do you still have that...something?”

Daryl exhaled the last drag of smoke from his lungs, flicking it into the fire as he shook his head again, “Nah. Yer mama’s all I ever needed. I can’t love someone like I love her.”

“I’m certain I got the formulation correct. We just need a test subject, your Majesty.” Jerry mused, his eyes darting around the room as everyone gazed upon the vile in his fingers. The vile that could contain the answer to the world’s biggest problem.

“And who, pray tell, should we have as the test subject?” the King answered sarcastically, “Who is going to want to let themselves be violated by one of the abominations?”

There was silence for a minute before Daryl’s gruff voice could be heard speaking up behind everyone, “I’ll do it.”

Daryl’s thumb ran over the scar on his other hand, the tissue raised and mutilated, but healed. His eyes slid over his daughter’s sleeping form, her red ringlets scattered across her face and mouth slightly ajar to accommodate the soft snores fluttering from her lips. He grinned, she looked just like her mama when she slept. The past ten years with her had brought him so much joy, so much worry, and so much heartache. He still didn’t think he was the father she deserved, that anyone deserved, but the fact that he wasn’t scared of her like he was of his own father made him believe he wasn’t fucking up too bad. The terror in her eyes when he had let the walker bite him all those years ago was embedded in his mind, though, and he’d vowed to never see her that afraid again, even if it was for the greater good. 

He lit another cigarette as he continued to watch her sleep, his ears sharply trained on any danger that might stumble upon them that he would need to protect her from. He’d always known that humans were stupid, selfish, things that only gave a damn about themselves and what someone else could do for them, but even he, the ever cautious and suspicious one, hadn’t even been prepared for the ruthlessness of people after the vaccine was created. People just like Negan and just like Gregory came from all over hoping to use his little girl, but every time a new threat showed themselves, his beautiful wife was there to rip out their throats. 

He remembered when he finally came to understand what made his wife so blood-thirsty when it came to their child. The feeling in his chest when he’d seen a man hold a gun to his seven year old daughter’s head, the look of a pure predator on Hunter’s face as she aimed the sniper rifle at the man’s head. The connection that was almost electric between his two girls, Arrow knowing just when to move her head slightly to the right to avoid the bullet that planted itself between the man’s eyes. 

Hunter Christine Dixon was an anomaly all in her own. She’d changed so much within the time that they were apart in the beginning but in so many ways stayed the same as well. Now, she was an even greater, wiser woman but still just as ruthless as ever. Daryl would fall in love with her over and over and over again for the rest of his life, he thought, no matter how many times they’d threatened to kill each other. She was the light of his life, second only to the sleeping girl who he quietly laid down beside after making sure her blanket covered her properly, the closest thing he could do now that she was so much older to tucking her in. He kept himself alert as he drifted off to sleep in a way that only he could, content with what his life had brought him.

The duo returned back to Alexandria the next day, a large buck with an impressive spread of antlers hoisted up over Daryl’s shoulders, and a small doe being held up by Arrow. They made their way to the front porch where Hunter was waiting, and they each shrugged off the kills at her feet like some kind of offering. 

“You tryna court me ‘er somethin’, Daryl Dixon?” Hunter grinned as he looked up at her proudly, their daughter choking back a laugh as she rolled her eyes.

“Pffft, I shot that one, mama.” Arrow confirmed what her mother already assumed, earning the girl a shove from her father as she climbed the steps.

“Never can let yer ol’ man have anything, can you, banshee?” Daryl complained, hands on his hips.

“Fuck off, dad.” She chuckled as she stood behind Hunter and flipped him off

“Watch that mouth, girl.” Daryl scolded, pointing a finger at her as she stuck out her tongue in his direction before flipping him off again and heading inside to take a shower. 

“You gon’ help me gut these things, girl?” Daryl asked as he pulled the large blade he would be using from it’s place on his hip.

“Not on my front porch, I’m not.” Hunter replied, walking down the steps to hoist the doe up, “I got everything set up ‘round back, come on.” 

Daryl watched her for a moment with the same amazement as he always did as she pulled the deer up onto her shoulders, her tight ass swaying with the weight as she moved the thing around the side of the house. 

“You comin’ ‘er are ya gon’ stand around holdin’ yer dick all day, Dixon?” She called to him teasingly, knowing he was staring at her. 

He reeled himself back into his mind and quickly chased after her, the heat in his groin making him forget all about the buck left on the steps.

[admittedlynotspartacus]

“Game of Thrones” Season VII: Episode 2 - A Foreign Invasion is Underway

Guys. Sam's acne treatment. The fury of Freddie Mercury. BARACK. AND MICHELLE. Y'all stepped it up. Let's talk about it.

DRAGONSTONE

Lightning. Thunder. And then, in the uppermost window of Dragonstone - THERE’S A LIGHT.

It’s D-Baby. She’s doing her usual thing of staring moodily out of windows of castles which she’s decided to post up in instead of, you know, TAKING THE THRONE. But then P-Dinky is like, “We’re not gonna stay here long.” And we’re all like -

But before she ducks outta here, she turns to Varys and does a dramatic recitation of his Wikipedia page and opens up the library on him without mercy.

Luckily, he passes the test with flying colors and receives a full fucking pardon when he’s like, “I listened to Robert. I listened to your daddy. But you’re the voice of the people, so ya know what -?”

There is no time for revels though, because Melisandre has warped back here and is notable for being the only lady who didn’t get the memo about wearing black this season.

Anyway, she starts spewing her usual “Prince That Was Promised” shit. And D-Baby’s like, “But I’m not a prince!” And Michelle is all, “WELL TECHNICALLY, IT’S A BAD TRANSLATION THAT ACTUALLY MEANS ‘PRINCE’ OR ‘PRINCESS...’”

And we’re all like...

While at the same time being like, “Like, what is gender, amiright?”

#TheRealPrinceThatWasPromised

WINTERFELL

So Melisandre’s told D-Baby and co. about J-Snow, and they’ve dispatched a raven summoning him. But Sansa smells fish and is like -

But we’re all at home like -

And meanwhile Davos is still like -

KING’S LANDING

Cersei’s with a bunch of Tyrell bannermen giving a really inspirational speech about how they shouldn’t back D-Baby that basically boils down to -

And they’re all like, “Yeah but dragons.” And Maester Frankenstein is just like, “Don’t worry guys...

And we’re all like, “Ohmigod I wonder what it is!!!!” And he takes Cersei down to the dragon lair to show her and we’re like, “Ohmigod we’re gonna find out this episode!” and then he whips the cloth off it and it’s A... giant... crossbow...

And at first I’m like, “Well, now wait a second. Maybe crossbows don’t exist yet in this world.”

Aight, N.V.M.

OLDTOWN

One time I went on a 7 hour kayaking trip and didn’t bring sunscreen to reapply. There were blisters. There was pus. And yet it was not one percent as bad as what has happened to poor Daddy Mormont, who basically looks like this -

Sam thinks he can cure him, but National Treasure Jim Motherfucking Broadbent is like, “You know not the ways.” Even though Sam has clearly risen up the ranks so much that NTJMB and he are already like -

NTJMB is even asking Sam for thoughts on his new book about the last six seasons of the TV show we’ve been watching. And Sam’s like, “I don’t like the title.” And NTJMB is like, “What would you rather call it?” And we’re all thinking -

And he doesn’t. Yet. Instead he goes to Daddy Mormont and he’s like -

Except less chill because he’s got a paint chipper, some rum, a hope and a prayer.

What follows is the grossest Thrones scene since Grand Maester Pycelle farted last year. Because Sam’s gotta get all this shit off Daddy Mormont by morning, but Daddy Mormont can’t scream. And there’s A LOT OF THIS SHIT ON HIM. So it basically is a combination of -

and -

DRAGONSTONE

The gang’s all here and they’re all pissed at D-Baby. Yara’s like, “We gotta attack NOW!” Mama Sand is starting a #NeverLannister movement, and D-Rigg is just like, “Hey, member Margaery?”

And then P-Dinky - remember him? He used to be the best character? - actually gets to talk and he’s like, going on about how Cersei is going to win banner-men over by appealing to their nationalism.

So in honor of Made in America week, he’s not outsourcing their plan to attack the cities around King’s Landing. Until he gets to his own home city and he’s like, “Dothraki and Unsullied, you dudes are taking Casterly Rock.”

Everybody’s V impressed at his sacrifice but also that D&D actually fucking let him drive a scene, so they’re all like -

Except D-Rigg still seems a little huffy, so she and D-Baby have a private conversation where D-Rigg is basically like, “You’re standing strong and tall. You’re the bravest of them all. If on courage you must call, then just keep on tryin’ and tryin’ and TRYIN’. Be a lion.”

And D-Baby’s just like -

And then. My dear dear friends. It’s just Barack. And Michelle. Alone. Barack’s headed out, Michelle is staying behind. It’s now or never.

And Barack just starts on his usual -

But Michelle is not having it. She’s like, “THIS is the moment.” 

And then she’s like -

And then she fucking just goes for his pants but he’s like, “Stop.”

And she’s like, “Yo, lemme at that D.” But he’s all, “You don’t understand. Six inches forward and five inches back, I got a - I got an angry inch.” And she’s just like -

And suddenly, it’s just like ASS! BOOBS! ARE WE GONNA SEE HIS STUMPY-STUMP OHMIGOD I HOPE NOT!

And then she lays back like -

But instead he’s just like -

And we’re all just like -

WHEREVER ARYA IS

Arya is full of reunions this week, because at first she’s eating at this inn when who should pop up but fucking HOT PIE! Also revelation that Hot Pie totally looks like Dustin from Stranger Things.

Oh, he FOUND the chocolate pudding. He found it so hard. So they’re like chilling and she’s like - 

When Hot Pie acts like the greatest GPS ever known to man and reroutes her to Winterfell by telling her the Boltons are dead. And just like that -

But first reunion #2. Because we get some creepy POV shots on Arya camping in the woods, plus some growling and snarling. And her horse is acting CRAY. And I’m thinking, “Oh fuck. Ed Sheeran and his bros are back to fucking rape her, QUICK TURN IT OFF!” But lo and behold - it’s a bunch of wolves! Which is still bad until one is like -

But it’s not gonna eat her or catcall at her, because it’s her old wolf, people! So Arya is like, “Come with me, Nymeria.” But Nymeria is like -

and she peaces out. Leaving Arya alone to be like, “I see the same sky through my eyes as you see through yours, but we’re worlds apart. Worlds apart.”

WINTERFELL

More RuPaul - Michelle Visage shenanigans as J-Snow finds out about the dragonglass on Dragonstone and is like, “I’m going.”

But Sansa still smells fish and is like -

Which then gets everyone to turn on J-Snow, so he’s just like, “You know what? Fuck this. You be queen.”

But of course Sansa’s just like -

Meanwhile, Littlefinger is still being a creep.

THE SEVEN FUCKING SEAS

All right, so here we are with the fucking Sand Snakes.

Yo I know, I know, but spoiler alert they’re gonna die soon, so it’s all okay. Just first, we have to listen to them have one more dumbass scene where the One Who Showed Her Boobs is like -

And Whale Rider and The Other One are like, “Mama! Mama! Mama!” And I’m just like -

But then we go to Yara and Mama flirting while Mama like Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf’s Theon into getting them drinks. And then she’s like, “Aren’t you gonna protect your sister?” And she starts like getting close to her and touching her legs. And then she literally says, “A foreign invasion is underway.”

But alas, the invasion is cut short, because the ships are being attacked! And it’s like fire! Storming! UNCLE FREDDIE MERCURY!

And lemme tell ya, he is READY TO GO. It’s just like axes and blood and stabbing. And we’re all like -

And I’m especially like, “Uncle Freddie Mercury, find the Sand Snakes. Kill them.”

But Yara finds The One Who Showed Her Boobs first and is like, “Yo, I’m still trying to fuck your mom. Go protect her.” And The One Who Showed Her Boobs is just like, “Got it.” But the other ones aren’t so lucky. Because first he comes for Whale Rider.

And then without missing a beat he goes for The Other One!

And then Freddie’s backup boys find Mama and The One Who Showed Her Boobs and Mama’s just like, “Kill us. Get it over with.” And again, I’m just like -

But of course, it’s Game of Thrones and we can’t have too much of a good thing.

Anyway, it’s full-on Yara vs. Uncle Freddie Mercury time, and meanwhile there’s still these like mystery fire cannons shooting off.

But THERE’S NO TIME FOR LOGIC! Yara’s about to get her throat slit when Freddie’s just like - “LITTLE THEON!!!”

And Freddie’s like got an axe to her throat, and Theon could just like... run at her? I guess? And do something? And then Freddie LEGIT Virginia Woolf’s him. Like -

And Theon’s just like -

BOOB COUNT: 1 BODY COUNT: 2, plus a lotta extras in that last scene (Rest in Eternal Misery Whale Rider & The Other One) EPISODE GRADE: A-

SER POUNCE’S STRAY THOUGHTS

I just don’t believe for a second Varys is going to stop conspiring behind people’s backs just because Daenerys made him swear an oath.

After so much hype about this Prince that Was Promised prophecy, it was just a BAD TRANSLATION? I dunno, guys.

I gotta say it, I was Team Sansa for such a long time, but she’s being quite the killjoy this season. And there’s nothing I hate more than being on Team Jon. That said, nothing she’s doing is really stupid. She’s being rightly cautious, but because we know Tyrion and D-Baby aren’t trapping them, it’s creating an interesting conflict for us.

Dickon joins the latest Thrones characters recast over the season break. No more Cormac from Half-Blood Prince.

They love saying “the wars to come.”

I’m so not about Diana Rigg dying, but I fear it is coming.

So just to be clear, the plan was to use Yara’s fleet to transport Ellaria back to Sunspear and get the Dornish army. But now, the fleet has been taken (right?) and Ellaria has been abducted. So none of these armies are technically in the control of Daenerys anymore.

Emmy campaign for Barack please.

So I think it’s safe to say that we can add another Samwise-Samwell parallel in that at the end of all this, Sam will document all these events into an essentially in-world Song of Ice and Fire book.

I’ve loved this Arya plot this season. I thought for sure she was headed down a path into ice-cold vengeance biddy, but this rediscovery of her early days is really lovely and unexpected.

Maisie Williams is so good.

Do we think Littlefinger knows about Jon’s parentage?

It seems as though Yara is still alive.

Two Sand Snakes down. One (and Mama) to go. But you gotta figure Cersei’s gonna take care of them next week. Dreams really do come true.

NEXT WEEK: Freddie Mercury is the champion, Casterly Rock invasion, and J-Snow and D-Baby together at last. Will they fuck?

[roseamongroses]

Antithesis: Dear Diary: why?

[Specific-Summary]:  They should expect growing pains. For not everything to feel right or make sense. That doesn't mean it'll always hurt, nor does it mean they can't have fun along the way. It's senior year. Everything may be different. It won't be senior year for long. Everything will be okay.

[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes,Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing , Self Hate,implied pregnancy talk/inability to become pregnant, adults arguing where the “kid” can hear it, adults drinking, 

[Tags/mood:] highschool au,  fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters]Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana) Remus “The Duke” Sanders (minor/brief)

(Ao3) (Previously)

(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15)

(16) (17)

(Note: Please check the general warnings and character list before continuing since some changes have been made and I don’t want to throw you off later on) 

Roman slung the scarf across his shoulders, “You think I should pack this?” he said, striking a pose, “You think it’s gonna be too hot for summer or?”

“You do look good in red...” Dmitri glanced up from his laptop, still typing, “And it’s better than your fifteen--separately bought-- white jeans.”

Roman flung a trench coat at his face. “Glass-fuckin houses babe, half your closet is black and boring--plus I like the white, ” he protested, “And don’t you think the red will be a bit too much with my hair?” he untucked his curls from underneath the scarf, smoothing the sides.

Dmitri laughed, “You’re the definition of a bit too much, Ro,” he said, “But if it means anything the reds been fading for a while now,”

“Wait really?” Roman picked up a hand mirror, angling it with a frown, “Dammit,” he said, “Virgil might still have some bleach left over, but I don’t want to kill my curl pattern like he did…”

“Then don’t redye it,” Dmitri shrugged, “You’ll look good regardless.”

Roman fluffed his hair, pouting in the mirror, “How good?”

Dmitri rolled his eyes, “Fishing early I see,” he said, pausing his typing to take a better look, “The red hair nice, but the brown will soften your features since there ’ll be less contrast.”

“I’dunno if I want to ‘soften my features though...It’d look cute, but...maybe if I cut my hair?” Roman tugged the scarf off, “.…people would take me more seriously.”

“Now why would you…” Dmitri paused, setting his laptop aside nodding, “Come over here, let me take a closer look.”

Roman eyed him warily.

“C’mon now, I’ve been dating you for what? A little over a year, Have a little faith,” Dmitri defended, “I’m not a snake tricking you into sinning,”

Roman crossed his arms, eyeing him up and down, “You’ve done it before--remember?”

“Oh that was fun and you know it, now c’ mere,” He offered a hand.

“It was,” Roman sighed, relenting and taking his hand. Dmitri tugged him to his knees, Roman making panicked noises as they bumped foreheads and he used Dmitri’s shoulders to steady himself, “Close enough?”

Dmitri tilted his head, “A bit closer.”

“Closer?” Roman’s lips barely brushed his.

“There we go--would you look at that,” Dmitri murmured, “A handsome prince if I’ve ever seen one…” Roman’s expression softened and Dmitri continued, “Whoever you’re trying to impress would be stupid not to take you seriously, especially with your anal work ethic--mmph,” Dmitri’s hands flew to Roman’s waist only slightly caught off guard as Roman closed the distance. The sloppy kiss eventually dissolved into Roman peppering Dmitri’s face between giggles.

“Either you’re rewarding me or you’re trying to distract...” Dmitri’s joke died off, eyes fluttering as Roman’s attention dipped lower, trailing his jaw, “Oh that’s...that’s nice…Your brother out?”

“Mhm,” Roman hummed contemplatively, before pulling back a bit, “ Yeah he is, but...I dunno I’m not really in the mood for that…Sorry..”

“You don’t need to apologize every time you know?” Dmitri leaned into Roman’s chest, feeling Roman’s hands nestle into his hair.

“It’s just so...weird.” He could hear the frown in Roman’s voice, “Is it weird? I’m going to be gone for a while too…Am I being a bad boyfriend?”

“You’re not weird, it's normal.”

“But--” Roman’s voice was quiet, “--- it’s not like you’re not attractive-- but--I dunno-- sometimes actually doing stuff like that is just...ugh I can’t even describe it.”

“The other guys might be horny bastards 24/7, but it’s perfectly normal for you Roman.” Dmitri said, “If you want to kiss we can kiss if you want to cuddle and talk we can do that too.”

“Talk’n’cuddle,” Roman mumbled and Dmitri smiled.

“So how are you feeling about the trip?”

“Oh, I’m absolutely horrified--” Roman easily spun into a rant,” I have to be holed up in that infested dung heap with that odorous rat with only my beautiful tia’s cooking as solace?” He sniffed appalled.

“Huh,” Dmitri snickered, “I’ve never heard that nickname for Virgil.”

“I’m not...talking about Virgil.”

---

R: XXX.notalink/rated:m/dontclickfortheloveofgod/dJDoJi90

Rem: WHAT THE FUCK ROMAN Rem: WHY WOULD YOU SEND THAT

L: Why the hell didn’t you read the link first

Rem: WHO THE FUCK READS Rem: GOD NEVER AGAIN

L: I highly doubt it's that bad

L:....I stand corrected

Rem: you clicked the link too didn’t you

L: In the name of science of course

Rem: ROMAN WHY DID YOU SEND THAT

R: ;)

Rem: EXPLAIN YOURSELF

R: ;) XXXX.notalink/rated:m/oopsididitagain/dskfJjfd9dsf3gds

L: That one is more weird than disgusting

Rem: WHY DO YOU KEEP CLICKING ON THEM

L: Why is Roman still sending them?

V: as much as i like smearing my brothers good name that isn’t roman

V: [Roman conked out on the couch, in a sweatshirt and shorts, drool pooling. Jpeg]

Rem: cute photo, 10/10 L: Agreed.

V: god both of you fuckin s t op i t s t o p s t o p

R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/you filthylinkreaders/d3gds789jk

Rem: just bc you have issues with compliments doesn't mean roman does

L:Here we go again I guess...

V; roman doesnt have any fuckin boundaries

Rem: yes, yes he does Rem: they may be thin but he Does have them

V:sorry but he’s way too nice about it

Rem: weve more then established that me calling him cute is okay and i require the sustenance of doting on him okay? Like i get it ive pushed a bit too hard before but like im trying ok???

V: k k I i hit the breaks a bit too soon this 1 time but it’s ducking thin ass ice and I’m not above sending y’all to an icy tomb if you get gross. Roman may be a bastard but he’s still baby

L:Translation: He understands your reasoning and agrees he overreacted, but this won’t stop him from questioning our intents and calling out certain actions. Roman may be okay with joking around with stuff like that and being the center of attenuation, but he’s still self conscious and sensitive.

V:why must you add feelings and adult reasoning to everything

L: How dare you accuse me of having feelings

R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/unicornhornsanddragontails/3nskjJ03 R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/specA-Z/54Kjjf9n R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/asliceofme/fljkl29mfJ

R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/laughsinspanish/5Kjd8

Rem:ye feelings are gross so moving on

Rem: anyway who the fuck is this

V: the bastard

R: you can call me duke [video of Roman, Virgil, and Remus as toddlers, Virgil playing with blocks and listening to some music while in the background Remus follows Roman around.mp3] [image of Roman, Virgil, and Remus currently. jpeg]

V: the bastards name is remus

R: THE. DUKE.

V: FUCK. YOU.

Rem: why the shits have i never met them and why the FUCK does he look more like roman then you do virgil

V: i think it's bc rem doesnt cover up his freckles

V: but yeah my mom and tia had a falling out

R: more like my dad was an asshole

Rem: oh shit same

R: shitty dad squad hmu ;)

Pat: oh hey!!! Me too!!!!

V: yeah it was Not Fun and mom and mama refused to let us go back until tia got a divorce

R: XXXX.notalink/rated:m/deodarant/298jksf

R:XXXX.notalink/rated:m/sPicydeodarant/23kjfJ

L: Are you done yet? They’re getting repetitive at this point.

---

Sun beating on his forehead, Dmitri’s chest was light and airy. His hair was tied up in a high ponytail as he worked on repotting some of his nursery plants. Usually, he’d be listening to music, but his aunt had left early that morning for some appointment so he relished the silence.

Brushing the dirt from his hands, he winced at the fresh cuts lining his knuckles.

“You’re still out here?”

Dmitri almost jumped at Dr. Montag’s voice, “Sorry for the mess” he said, gripping the nursery pot tighter, “I-I’ll clean it up right away…”

Dr. Montag crouched, waving him off, “There’s no need. I’m running a few errands for your aunt,” his hands barely brushing the leaves of one, “This is a Yucca right?”

“Uh,” Dmitri blinked, “Yeah it is,”

He laughed, “Don’t look so surprised-- I know things,” he stood back up, “Like how to use google. It’s rather impressive that y’all manage to keep up with so many of these.”

“Barely,” Dmitri relaxed, refocusing, “We used to have a lot more, but without my dad...it got overwhelming,” he shook his head, “It’s the only thing we really….It keeps us busy..”

“This is more than busy--you put a lot of work into these, anyone should be proud,” He murmured, studying Dmitri again, “I’ll be gone in a few, just need to grab her purse. You need anything from the store?”

“Uh...No,” Dmitri frowned, “I don’t.”

---

LilRed: COLLEGE BOARD CAN SUCK MY ASS LilRed: THIS BITCH GOT A FIVE

BlueRanger: Which class?

LilRed: APUSH

BlueRanger: Nice, good job

LilRed:

LilRed:

PurpleRain: L you fuckin broke him

PurpleRain:like I legit just heard a fuckin thud I think he fell

BlueRanger: I just told him good job?

LilRed: i die from validation i die w/o validation

BlueRanger: Please don’t die

PurpleRain: thats a lame ass way to die

LilRed: @purplebitch i feel so loved

PurpleRain: mama didnt raise us for us to die so b o r i n g l y

LilRed: SO HOW DO YOU SUGGEST I DIE

PurpleRain: idk im feelin,,,,rain,,,,,lots of it,,, maybe you’re watching the sea,,,,

PurpleRain: okay I got it

PurpleRain: you’re wearing a white sundress, the ends tattered but well loved. The coast empty with nly the lapping of waves your company. You’re thinking, a lot. Not of anything particular, but thinking nonetheless. The ocean always makes you think, always makes you remember--bringing about a bittersweet tinge of remorse to your heart, but no tears ever fall.

PurpleRain:You make it a habbit to watch the sunrise each day, relishing in the sobering feelings it invokes Maybe you're a masochist at heart

LilRed:maybe it’s maybelline

PurpleRain:I AM HAVING A MOMENT PRINCEY

PurpleRain: one day, you hear footsteps approach, and assume it's your lover returned from war. The news of it's end just coming days prior and making your ventures to the coast sparked with an unfamilar hopefulness.

PurpleRain: instead when you turn around, you do not feel your heart soar. Instead it sinks. An icy panic spreading through you, a curl of dread closing your throat, it's grip tight. You need to move; to get away from them. But you cant. You cant.

PurpleRain: one shot is all it took.

PurpleRain: one.

BlueRanger:....Concern.

PurpleRain: dnd just started again im prepping ok

LilRed:fuckin nerd

LilRed: huh…. i should get a sundress tho

PurpleRain: i have a few bookmarked ill show you later

BlueRanger: Is That Really What Y’all Are Taking Away From This

---

“And so the shop explodes-no not explodes it's in flames and they have the audacity--the au,” Roman coughs readjusting the webcam, “They have the audacity to play ‘Somebody to love’ as he’s fuckin mourning,” he gestured angrily, “Like Neil might as well come into my house and stomp on my heart.”

Dmitri nodded along, amused at the combination of camera lag and Roman’s erratic movements, “Before or after you watch the next episode?” he asked.

“It’s gonna have to be after cause I already finished the season. I never recovered from that scene though, ” Roman shrugged, tapping his jaw thoughtfully, “Probably should’ve started working on my commission sheet,”

“The same sheet you said you were going to start last month?”

“Yes the same one,” Roman blew out an exasperated huff, flopping into his hands, “I don’t know why it’s so hard --I feel scummy for pricing ‘too high’ and like shit for pricing ‘too lo--,” A notification rang, and he glanced over the screen, eyebrow raised, “Huh, Lo’s callin’ to video chat, you mind if I add’em?”

“Nah, go ahead,” Dmitri said, starting to fold the pile of towels.

“Alrighty,” He answered the call, “What’s up ner-” his face lit up, “Princess!”

Giggles erupted from the screen and Dmitri glanced up curious. On the screen instead of Logan was a small girl animatedly talking to Roman. She had two front teeth missing, glitter coloring her cheeks and rainbow beads rattling each time her braids moved.

“Woah, Woah-Woah,” Roman snorted, “Slow down hon, where’s your brother? Does he know you’re using his computer?”

“He’s in the shower,” she said, batting her eyes, “And know is a very strong word, but I can assure you he’s...aware?”

“Mmm, I won’t tell if you don’t,” he said, “So what’s the fairest of the land need?”

She beamed, “You at my birthday party.” she said, more of a command than anything.

Roman made of show of mulling it over, unable to keep a straight face, “I think I can make it.”

Her fist punched the air, “Ya--”

“Nieve,” Logan’s voice called out sternly.

Her eyes shot wide and she scrambled out of frame. Seconds later, Logan reappeared in the frame without his glasses, towel tucked to his chest. He didn’t look particularly mad.

He squinted blearily at the screen, “Roman? “ his gaze slid over, “Dmitri? Shit sorry did she bug you?”

“Not at all,” Roman reassured, “It’s been a while since I came over anyway,”

Logan grabbed their glasses, adjusting the frames, “Yeah...I guess it has...Since you’re here did you get that email from the school?”

“Yeah, it’s bullshit, “ Roman said, rolling his eyes, “If the state cared they would have found the funds somewhere else, it’s all shady as fuck. ”

Logan nodded, saying goodnight before disconnecting.

As soon as his icon disappeared, Roman said, “Huh, that...reminded me,”

Dmitri started on the next pile of laundry, “Of what?” he said, brow pinched, concerned.

“I’ dunno something Remy brought up…” Roman said, playing with his hands, “It’s stupid really but---”

He yelped falling to the floor, Remus victoriously sliding into the rolling chair. He spun wildly, the web camera a laggy blur, with only loud obnoxious kissing noises heard amongst the screaming.

Eventually, Remus slowed down, and it was jarring how much he and Roman looked alike. It was more unnerving seeing such a sleazy look with Roman’s face.

“Oh Dmitri,” Remus mocked, even adopting the heavy accent Roman usually placed on his name, “Embrace me with those big, long artist hands of yours, god I’m going to melt--"

“Shut up--shut up! You Rat-- give it back-give it back--” Roman whined, clambering over the chair, elbowing him, “Give it back, fuckin- MOM,” At one point Roman managed to wrestle the laptop from Remus, kicking him out of the chair and sending him off with a finger-- which Remus promptly returned.

Dmitri’s silently wheezed as Roman turned around visibly frazzled, “God I forgot what I was say-Are you laughing at me?” he said, “Stop it--stop laughing it’s not--”

“It-” Dmitri’s covered his mouth, shoulders shaking “It kinda is,” He said between snorts, only laughing harder at the offended noises Roman made.

As his snickers died down, Roman crossed his arms, “You done yet?” he sniffed.

“Yeah…” he gasped, “Yea...h... I am…” he blinked a bit, a slow smile spreading across his face, “So... what’s this about my hands?”

Roman’s eyes shot wide, incoherent babbling coming from his mouth as his ears turned a bright cherry. He slowly shrank out of frame to promptly die.

---

@daflangstlairde

@ace-anx

@cataclysm-al

[getitoverwith-ff]

part time lover x 2

2 || take care

“Are we cooking lunch, ordering food, or going out before we hit the road?” Lita asks as she puts the finishing touches on packing Demetria’s bag, and I shrug.

I could go for food, but the thing about going with a toddler is kind of tricky. All of the three choices are sensible, but, will she even eat anything? We shared a tub of yogurt a little while ago, and she ate all of her breakfast… she might not even be hungry.

But if she is, is it worth going out for? Will she get distracted and want to talk more than she wants to pay attention to the food in front of her? Will she want something, and then, when me and Lita food comes, ignore her food in order to eat off of our plates like she always does? As a matter of fact, we always end up sharing anyway. Even if I know her order and Lita’s order by heart, they always end up on my plate.

I know my daughter though. At the end of the day, she probably doesn’t want to go anywhere. She never really does on the last day we have to spend together. She tends to just be up under me, and doesn’t want to leave my side, or Lita’s, really. We just huddle, hover, and be there.

It can’t hurt to ask though.

Nine times out of ten though, if we ask her, we’ll either be eating chicken nuggets, or Papa Diablo’s pizza. Which is fine, even if Daddy wants Chinese and Mama won’t care because she’ll eat anything, really.

“I wanted to go get some Chinese, but… what you think, Meme? What are we eating?” I ask as I secure the last purple barrette onto the end of the second of the two french braids I put in her hair. I’m always on daddy duty with no complaints.

“You done, Daddy? I wanna see,” I pass her the Barbie themed mirror  and she smiles at her reflection.

“What’s for lunch, Meme?”

She shrugs softly just like I do, but then turns around and goes, “Daddy, I want pizza.”

I’m not surprised. I watch Lita laugh before going back into the stack of circulars on the living room table to find the Papa Diablo’s circular.

“Pizza it is then. Go make sure your bed is fixed and all of your toys you’re taking with you are packed up, please.” She hops down from the stool and goes back into the bedroom we designated as hers for when she’s out here, and I watch Lita motion for me to come over as I clear the kitchen island counter of hair accessories.

“You goin’ to this?” She motions towards a flyer for a R&B Karaoke night that Luke is hosting tonight, and I almost forgot about it.

“Yeah, I almost forgot. I gotta figure out what I’m wearing,” I sit next to her, and she puts her foot in my lap. I make my fingers spiderwalk up her long, smooth legs and ignore the fact that she’s set to leave in a couple of hours.

“Don’t wear that leather vest and them boots either, you ain’t a member of Jodeci.” Lita teased, and I laughed.

“That was last time, damn. I dunno. Might just channel my inner Ronnie Devoe and go as Bel Biv Devoe,” I muse, and Lita laughs.

“Kenny gon’ be Mike Bivins again?” She asks, which immediately causes me to bust out into laughter. Kenny got one role as Michael Bivins -- did damned good in it, and it took him months to break character. I know he wouldn’t mind doing it again.

“You know he’ll be hype to put that damned character back into use. Fuck yeah. We’re doing it. I gotta call Max, he’s gonna be our Ralph. I’ma make sure you get the videos and pictures too.” I smile, hype about it as I pull my phone out of my pocket and begin correlating the plans, while she smiles at me and starts to complain softly about missing everything, which makes me sit my phone down.

“You don’t have to. You still haven’t figured out anything?” I ask, as she shrugs her shoulders.

The plan was simple, at first. She would graduate with her associate’s degree, transfer to USC, and when we graduated, we’d be married. Very simple, but, we don’t seem to go on the path of conventional milestones.

We had a lot of turbulent drama, we had a kid, and we fell apart… only to quickly make sure we would always stay true to each other, even when we couldn’t fully have each other. So, the desire to get back with each other started to become more and more important, but, the ease of the situation was long gone.

Somewhere along the line that spiraled into, okay, but where’s Demetria’s going to go to school? Where are we going to live? Off-campus living and commuting will make it a little harder to get around with a kid. We need to find her a good daycare, too… and a bunch of other things that made sense. She was worried, but for good reason, and all of her worries put a pause into progressing something I initially assumed to be hella easy, but it turned out to be anything but.

“I know we can find a nice apartment easily, but it’s the other factors that we need to finalize. Give me until Thanksgiving. I’ll have something then,” She insists, and I purse my lps together. It’s not that far off, but shittt….

Now, I’m going to be sitting up, rushing that time to get here even more.

“Shit, If we could stay here that would be nice, but it’s too ducked off. You're right though, we’ll figure something out. So.. does that mean you and Meme are coming up here for Thanksgiving?” I ask, those plans not really being confirmed either.

I had Thanksgiving last year, and we shared Christmas. I get Demetria for Winter Break this year, and Thanksgiving is always either here or there, a few times, both places. Demetria loves the scenery of the car rides back and forth, and now, with my job at Gold’s Gym and a couple of coaching gigs, I definitely make enough to keep my tank filled to make the trip.

“Yeah, I think we will. I wanna see how Monica’s gonna do in the kitchen anyway,” She says, and I immediately wince.

“Oooh shit. I didn’t even think about that. Mo can’t cook.” I laughed more at Monica’s impending misfortune than anything if she really showed her face.

Internally, I also winced because fuuuuuuck. For a woman who really tried her damnest to try and fit in, I knew if my Momma and lil’ sister didn’t give her hell immediately, my cousins and aunties would, and that would be before Lita even got up to cook.

It’s a production in my family when it comes to holidays, and I know damned well Mo ain’t ready. I didn’t even think about how much of a setup it sounded like it was shaping up to be. Oh well. Lita starts talking about how it’s going to be a hot ass mess, like she can read my mind.

I get distracted in the drama that is Bad Girls Club on the screen, and kinda tune her out, until she grabs my face, and pulls it back towards her.

“You better quit zoning out on me,” She demands, and I smile.

I just don’t wanna amp her up. If Monica does come, I know it’s going to be a shit storm. And I don’t have to think too hard to know that she’s definitely going to make sure nothing stands in the way of her coming.

“I’m not, I’m also sitting here thinking about how it’s gonna end up..” I start, and she shakes her head at me.

“She was a damned good mother, she was my professor, she was… a murderer,” My head whips towards the TV in slow motion as I hear a familiar voice, and look at the face of death staring back at me as a mugshot.  

I freeze.

For a minute, everything feels like is happening in slow motion.

“Anya Jones was just your average, hard working mother who would do anything to make sure her teenage daughters were able to live the best life possible. But, a hidden past life ripped everything Anya knew away from her, including her daughter and husband, who was left for dead…” The promo for the next episode of Snapped starts to play, and I push my tongue into my cheek as Lita quickly starts to dig into the couch for the remote.

“Shit.”

“I didn’t think it would have the promos up for this so soon,” I quietly admitted as Lita pressed her lips together, and looked over at me.

“This is the first time I’ve seen them on TV, actually. Do you wanna-”

“You don’t have to stop watching what you’re watching boo. It’s cool.” I tell her, and she looks a little defeated before she nods, and then switches positions so she can lean her head on my chest.

It’s quiet now, and the mood’s kinda fucked up...

We don’t talk about Anya Jones. We just don’t, because, there’s not going to be anything good to say about her. Lita’s Mom is the she who must not be named in our shared households. Five years ago, she started down the path that would ruin not only the lives of her two daughters, and her husband, but would ripple into my life, my parents’ life, and the life of my then unborn daughter as well.

I can tell you how it all got kicked off, but I can’t tell you what happened following the climax. At least, not in my own words. It’s been four years since I lost a chunk of my short term memories. It’s been four years since what everyone just brushes off as the most traumatic event of my life, but… I’m here.

The events that went down four years ago really changed everything I knew to make sense to me. It’s been four years since Lita left to go to New Mexico, a place where I thought she’d never return from. It’s been four long years since my then girlfriend disappeared in the middle of our sophomore year, after a life changing situation for the both of us.

But, that’s behind us now.

I’m just glad I’m still here. In the process of things falling apart, there was chaos, there was a lot of fighting, and there was murder and attempted murder as well. I almost died in a car accident that caused a head injury for me, and Lita’s Dad damned near lost the usage of his legs. That I do remember. Anything immediately after that, it’s like I’ve mentally blocked out the events that happened from my memory. I ended up with memory loss brought on by psychological trauma, which gave me a case of short-term amnesia, among other things.

But, I do remember that that accident was worth getting into. We needed to get to the hospital. I remember that. I just didn’t think we would end up in the hospital, because Anya was trying to kill not just her husband, but me too.

On the night Demetria was born, she almost lost her Daddy and her Papi, as she calls him, but I’m glad the both of us survived. I get pissed off every time I’m reminded about how I missed the birth of my first born child. It was almost a fair trade; my life for my daughter’s, but in the end, I just ended up sacrificing a large majority of my memories instead.

I remember bits and pieces of what happened that prior to and following month, but not everything. I’m not too out of sync when it comes to someone else telling me their version of what happened, but who knows which one is really the truth?

All I know for a fact is these three things: Lita’s going to be back for good after the semester ends, I’m here for a reason, and soon, I’ll feel as complete as I used to, once I figure out everything that really happened to me.

For a long time, the woman sitting next to me, talking to our daughter about customizing the Pizza we’re gonna have for lunch, was unreachable to me. There’s a lot of twists and turns in our story together, with bits and pieces still being unpacked to this very damned day. The most constant part of every version of the narrative pins her mama as the big bad in all of this -- that I know is factual without anyone having to back that up.

I haven’t seen Anya Jones since I googled her name and had the story confirmed that was told to me about how she had been caught up in a scandal, ran away from Los Angeles with her oldest daughter and her then unknowingly pregnant teenage daughter in tow, and how she tried to kill me and her husband when we set out to go and rescue her.

Dealing with Lita has been the reason for what I can say was definitely the most traumatic, most straight out of a lifetime movie moment I’ve had in my entire life. And being able to barely remember an accurate account that wasn’t written by a journalist, covered and dissected on someone’s blog, featured on an episode of Snapped that I declined to participate in, or churned through a rumor mill… fucking kills me.

To this day, yes, I have trust issues.

I only trust in the woman sitting next to me, and less people that I can count on my two hands put together. I’m paranoid sometimes. I have separation anxiety when it comes to her, but I’ve gotten a handle on that. I’ve learned how not to let the distance overwhelm me. I have trauma induced PTSD -- there’s a laundry list of things wrong with Demetri, but that’s why I need my anchors, and I know she’s the heaviest one I have on my side. It’s been four years and I don’t know what to believe -- anyone could be lying to me, really -- but with her here by my side, I know there’s less of a chance of that happening to me.

That’s why I know I need to do whatever I need to do in order to make sure she stays. I could watch the episode when it premieres, and I will. I want to. I just didn’t realize it was this close to airing, because I remember them shooting it; I remember keeping Demetria while Lita and her Dad did the recorded portions for it around this time last year. I declined to take a part in it.

But, I’m going to watch it. I know it’ll help, and my therapist can agree that it will, if it doesn’t get too damned triggering in the wrong kind of ways. I’m hoping it will. I’m hoping that means I’ll be one step closer to being able to really answer, What Happened To You?

I wish I knew everything. It feels more like I’m imagining a story that someone told me - which very well may be the case. But, I know I don’t want to spend the summer obsessing over it.

I have to start small though. I’m one step closer to having Lita and my baby girl back, and that’s enough, for now…

I just don’t know how long it’s going to last.

“Stop crying,” I instruct Demetria for the fifth time in the last couple of hours. She just woke up from a nap, and even though she’s eating cold pizza before she climbs into her seat in the back of Lita’s Jeep, there are tears streaming down her face.

“You’re gonna see me again for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year,” I remind her as she smiles softly and I wipe her face. She smells like pepperoni and baby, and I don’t want to let her go, but I have to.

“I love you Daddy,” She squeezes the fuck out of my neck, and I hold her just as tightly. I smile as I put her into her booster seat and kiss the top of her head.

“I love you too, Meme.” I close the door, and round around the back to close the cargo door.

Lita’s still standing on the outside, staring at me. I stretch my hands out for her to fill the space and she laughs and slowly approaches me to fill the space. I slide my hands down her back and grip her ass as I hold her close to me, and kiss the top of her head, then her cheeks on both sides, and then her lips.

“I’ma be expecting a call six hours in,” I wrap my arms around her back, and she laughs into my neck.

“I’ma be glad when you won’t have to anymore. I’ve been talking to Juliani, trying to come up with a plan. I’ll keep you posted…” She softly says as I mumble soft sounds of agreement, but I don’t want to let her go, either.

“Please behave yourself at this party tonight,” She starts, and I exhale softly. “It won’t be long before we’re together again, but I’m not trying to wake up to no surprises..” Lita sternly insists, and I laugh into the mess of curls on top of her head as she hugs me a little tighter.

“One of us has to let the other go, Meech.” She utters, and I scoff softly. This is the hardest part.

“Okay,” I hear her, but I don’t. She lets me go after another long kiss, and then a long exhale.

“I love you,” She thumps me in the forehead and I laugh, and I know she’s trying to break the tension that always comes with a goodbye, and I appreciate her for it.

“I love you too, ya’ll be safe. Call me.” I instruct as she nods and it takes a minute before she starts up and pulls off, blasting Q’s latest as she heads out.

It takes me a couple of minutes before walking back to my own car, and just sitting in it. I get a little paranoid about driving. I have to check the backseat a couple of times, check to make sure there’s nothing tracking my path, or nothing out of the ordinary.

Once I’m satisfied, I get into the car just to sit in it, really.

It doesn’t take long for my phone to start ringing though, and with it being off of Do Not Disturb, I debate answering the Facetime call from Monica. I’ve missed six calls and have seven ‘call me’ texts that seem to have sobered up in comparison to how she filled my damned inbox last night. She’s not going off of Do Not Disturb, though.

Monica does the most to get my attention when we’re in off mode, and I hate it. She comments on all of my instagram photos. Sends me posts on Facebook Messenger, or writes on my wall -- but she can’t now, because she’s been blocked for a good two months now. I just haven’t cared enough to block her anywhere else just yet. She tweets me, filling my mentions with emoji eyes, or she favorites random tweets of mines, or just DMs me with pointless shit.

I see all of it, and ignore it.

It’s not going to change anything though. It’s fucking annoying, but even though I’m just sitting here, I won’t call her, which I know would get her to stop. She doesn’t want to really hear about my weekend. She doesn’t want me to twist the knife deeper into her side, knowing whatever I say about Lita and I will immediately make her annoyed and aggravated due to jealousy and whatever the fuck’s wrong with her.

And, thankfully, or really, as we get closer and closer to Thanksgiving, unfortunately for her, she doesn’t know about Demetria, and I know that will kill her. More and more, I’m not really wanting to use that kind of information to put a true end to Monica’s persistent attempts to get all of me, but… I’m thinking about it. Trying to wean her off of me? Harder than I thought.

She’ll be home to annoy me soon, so, instead of hitting her up and possibly falling right into a trap, I opt to head home, and hope she hasn’t made it back yet.

It takes roughly twenty seven minutes in LA traffic to get home. I pull up to the student housing building known as The Trojan Lofts and try my hardest to see if Monica’s windows are open and her curtains are drawn back. I can see her windows when I drive into the parking lot, and thankfully for me, they’re dropped and the windows are closed, meaning, she’s not there....

Hopefully.

I can only cross my fingers and brace myself for when she confronts me, because I know it’s going to be a motherfucker. I’m not really in the mood to argue over dumb shit either, so, whatever she’s constantly hitting me up about, I’d rather not really deal with it unless it’s quick and painless.

Making my way towards the building, I press my lips together as I see other people in the midst of departing and coming back home, anxious to get midterms over with so they could have another tiny break of freedom before finals pop up. I definitely understand the rush. I smile at a few faces, and get asked about my weekend as I get my mail from the designated box. I bite down on my bottom lip as my phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out and see who it is, and exhale softly, knowing it’s not Lita, but someone just as familiar.

Kierra Rogers: How as the weekend with the wife and kid?

I smile as I look around the lobby, and spot her sitting in the sitting area designated for guests. Instead of going up, I walk in her direction and sit across from her, and accept the hug she gives me. When we pull apart, her eyebrow is up, and I’m smiling.

“It was okay, but, I’m ready for a major distraction tonight.” I respond as I slide my phone back in my pocket, and she smiles.

Kierra’s special to me. Whereas everyone knows Lita has my heart, mind, body, and soul, sometimes, we bump heads, we spiral out, and we go on breaks. I still get my daughter, I still love her mother, and, I understand the frustration of being twelve hours apart and wanting other things to keep us busy -- I don’t fault her for that. There have been others for her, and there have been others for me, but, I’ve always been open and honest with them, and with Lita about them, and I never allow myself to fall in love, or be put in a position to where I can’t walk away.

I didn’t think the separation was going to get us like it did, but in the beginning, it was hard as hell to figure out a medium. We were still in High School after the dust settled, and, until senior year, I wasn’t driving anymore. We attempted the long distance thing, but, it was just too much for the two of us, with so many other issues at the time to stick it out.

Honestly, it got so bad at one point that Lita had another boyfriend, and me, well… I had Kierra, who I met during my junior year of High School. As high school came to an end and I went off to college, Kierra was a student at USC as well, friends first, before anything else. While me and Lita were still trying to figure out the best methods to stay together, and Kierra found the occasional boyfriend, I also managed to get my hoe phase out of my system. But, out of the four girls that I really fucked with heavily, Kierra was the most permanent fixture.

“Monica’s been looking for you,” She smirks a little, making the corners of her lips rise knowingly as I wedge my tongue in my cheek.

“She’s back already?” I ask, and Kierra shakes her head.

“Nah, but she’s been texting me in the group chat, being fucking annoying about you not going to Sacramento with her and everyone else.” Kierra rolled her eyes as she slid her phone my way, and I clucked my tongue at Monica’s almost frantic inquiries about wanting to talk to me when she got home but not knowing what to say or how to say it, and, it being easier to do if I came with them.

“I didn’t make any promises to go to Sacramento though,” I tell Kierra, who lives across the hall from me, and also opted out of the road trip to Sacramento with Monica, our other roommate Noelle, my other best friends, Queenie and Jacob, to shoot episodes of Queenie’s online web series.

“She thinks you should have. What the fuck did you do now?” Kierra questions, and I shrug. Honestly, you never really know with Mo’s ass, so, I guess I’ll figure it out when she comes back.

“Ain’t no tellin’ with her, and you and I both know this. But, enough about that, you coming to The Den tonight, right?” I ask, and Kierra smiles.

“Me and Erykah are gonna be Sherane and Sydney,” She says, and I groan softly.

“How long has Erykah been back, and why hasn’t she called me?” I ask, curious about Kierra’s best friend, and sometimes, a third party in our situationship.

“Not long, and, I don’t know. I mean, I do know, she has a girlfriend now, so... looks like you won’t be fucking that,” Kierra says, and I laugh softly as I watch the lobby begin to fill with familiar faces that I know are following Quentin, another one of my best friends, home to kick off the party tonight.

“Yeah, well, neither will you. But yo, I’m about to catch up with Q… come pregame with us before we go, alright? Gimme some love,” I pick Kierra up from her seat as I hug her, and grip her ass in my palms. She pushes me upside the head and promises that she will, and that’s all I need to get out of the slump.

It’s loud in the lobby now. Quentin James is home and has brought a couple of familiar faces with him, who hug and smile at me as I dap him up, and stare back out of the wide windows that show the parking lot.

“They ain’t back yet,” He laughs, and I twist my mouth up. “I know you’re looking for Mo’s crazy ass, but she ain’t out there. I did, however, scoop Jayde up for you…”

His head motions back towards the door and the girls carrying overnight bags as they follow us towards the elevator. I’m quiet, while Q smiles like he’s offering me a million dollar prize, and I exhale softly as my dick twitches when Jayde hugs me. I’m thankful for the distraction, for real.

This is honestly the only way I know I won’t spend all night constantly ignoring everyone around me with my head stuck in the screen of my phone, and he knows that too. Lita knows it too, and, I know he’s asked for permission for a setup of this magnitude just to keep her in the loop too. There was a time in which she uses to wake up to a lot of surprises all over social media, but we’re better than that now.

I still cluck my tongue when I get a text from her, and she questions:

LOML: Jayde, Kierra, and Erykah? Lmfao. And Mo too? You better wake up in your bed and not anyone else’s, I’m not fucking playing with you…

Just tryna get some head and head don’t count right?

LOML: Better be just that… I’m about to bring back the group chat, on that note.

I wince a little. It’s been a while since anyone’s responded in the group chat Lita started after the whole, “I’m up here to meet all your side chicks,” pop up visit from freshman year. I’m all for peaceful, meet in the middle, mediums until she comes home to me for good, but she’s not for the shit tonight, and I wonder what she knows that I don’t.

As we get off the elevator, my phone buzzes, and I notice Jayde look down at hers, and then meet my eyes. I shrug my shoulder gently as we walk into the unit, and everyone immediately goes into getting comfortable and leaving me and Q to linger around the door, just watching.

“This gon’ be a long, strokeless night.” I groan as Q laughs and shakes his head.

“You know your limits, Meech. Just don’t have Lita ready to hop on I-40 to come and beat your ass tonight.” Quentin winked at me, and I pushed him in the chest.

“When you gon’ stop giving me shit about that? That was one time,” I stress as he laughs.

“And with the way tonight is set up… it might be a second one. You better go pray,” Q insists as Jayde pulls off her hoodie, and we both shake our head in appreciation of her frame.

“‘Cause you’re damned sure gonna need it…”

[trannytr0uble]

Wrong Turn: Review of House of a 1,000 Corpses

Alright so here is my official first review on my tumblr, that will actually get posted. On my radar, yesterday night I watched Rob Zombie’s A House of a Thousand Corpses. I don’t know know much about Rob Zombie, other than that fact that he directed movies, and made music, and Im honestly not too much of a fan of his music or him. This felt like his Texas Chainsaw Masscare meets, House of Wax, meets Hills That Have Eyes twist of a movie. I just wanna put a disclaimer that is okay to just watch film and enjoy it, but also it’s okay to watch and critique.  I’m a fan of both. In my notes I listed :

- visiting south, and midwest as a circus attraction, stereotypes of poor people in the south and midwest

`-class dynamic 

-white supremacy imagery with otis

-what are the reasons for the family killing people

-what was rob zombie trying to get across with movie.

-how i feel about this movie.

In this review my points will be mostly surrounding the backswood family ( Otis, Baby Firefly, Mother Firefly, Grampa Hugo, Tiny, Dr. Satan, and Captain Spaulding even though he isnt a family member but they both work together.), and the two couples (Bill Hundley, Mary Knowles, Jerry Goldsmith, Denise Willis)

Okay this is no first of showing hillbillies or country folks as psycho killers, who just going to hold you hostage, tie you up, and torture you once you hit our back roads. This has been a horror movie staple to make poor people look scary, circus like, and feed into so many stereotypes of people in the country in so many words i can’t describe. I feel like that’s the feel I get from the characters in this film, they are all given these stereotypes, but it seems like with like subtle political statements being made with the characters, that seem like he is trying “humanize” them in a way, or “justify” their actions.  i feel still it backfires and still uplift the stereotypes rather than destroy or critisize them. I had a hard time finding resources on why Zombie did this movie. It anyone know of any send them my way? So the premise of this movie (to sum it briefly), there are these two couples on the road, who are going to all the wild attractions, and things they see on their trip across country. They end up seeing a sign on the road pointing the to  carnival like circus like Captain Spauldings Museum of Monsters and Madman this is where we run into Sid Haig’s Captain Spaulding character. Here they after going on “A Murder Ride”, Spaulding during the ride mentions  a legend called “Dr. Satan” who was a killer surgeon essentially, the couples, go out to look for this legend. and what do you know they run into hitchiker Baby Firefly (Sheri Moon Zombie’s character) who takes them to the house where the killer backwoods family there holds them there to die slowly. 

Now that i got through getting through the bold plotline of the film i’m going to get into what really urked me about the stereotypes being put into play with the characters from the dynamic of the family, and out of towner couples. i couldn’t stop wondering what was the families reason for killing especially after Zombie inserted a class politic with these characters that i feel backfires. For example this exemplfying itself with that fact that the pair of couples reason of the roadtrip is to record all the weird attractions in the rural country area, and even with the Bill Hundley and Jerry Goldsmiths first encounter with Captain Spaulding; 

Captain Spaulding: I know what your problem is.

Bill Hudley: What's that?

Captain Spaulding: Ya'll think us folk from the country's real funny-like, dontcha?

Bill Hudley: Jerry...

Captain Spaulding: Yeah, well saddle up the mule, ma. Slide me some grits, I's got to get me some edu-cation, uh hu hu hu.

Bill Hudley: Jerry...

Captain Spaulding: You asshole.

Or with Otis and his monologues: “Listen, you Malibu middle class Barbie piece of shit, I'm tryin' to work here. Work? You ever work? Yeah, I'll bet you have. Scoopin' ice cream to your shit-heel friends on summer break. Well I ain't talkin' about no goddamn white socks with Mickey Mouse on one side and Donald Duck on the other. I ain't readin' no funny books, mama. Our bodies come and go but this blood... is forever.

The insertion of this politic alongside the stereotype of rural country folk being deranged racists falls, and backfires. There is also white supremacist imagery with Otis who sports a confederate flag hat. As a person who spend a great deal of their time in backwoods, in southern virginia this pisses me off. it makes midwestern and southern country people in middle America, and the underbelly, look like we live like animals, it’s dehumanizing, it takes away from having an actual conversation about our problems dealing with race, and class. Showing us a “psycho”, “demonic” killers who tied up, and torture people in house is really fucked, and made the movie very hard to watch, i almost wish he didn’t add this into the movie. It’s already been done a ton of times asshole. 

In conclusion, I felt like the acting was great despite how horrendous the content behind the acting was. I like the grindhouse frame shots. I do not appreciate or like the content or whatever points he was trying to prove with the class politic it backfires, and makes those most affected in middle america, and the underbelly of the south look subhuman, and like animals, and falls into classism, racism all other systems of oppression we fall under. Please stop with these bullshit stereotypes. I know this movie is apart of a movie trilogy, i may watch Devil Rejects, if any of you would like me to write a review. I hope this all made sense, thank you for reading feel free to comment your thoughts. 

totaldestructionbabe

[natural--trash]

Tag thing, wanted to do it for some time but now im at my comp and stuff so uh yeah anyways

Rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people

I was tagged by @fluffyliontae

Name: tsu (just call me that, or susu or smth yknow)

Blood type: A-

Nickname(s): susu, mym

R/s: single

Zodiac Sign: libra

Pronouns: eh whatever, on some days its he > she > they but it can also be a diff order so yeah seriously whatever floats your boat

Favorite TV Shows: W - Two Worlds (same), a Persona 5 anime could be one of them but there’s none

Long or short hair: long

Height: 162cm or so

Do you have a crush on someone: romantic none, aesthetic ones? squishes? hoo boy

What do you like about yourself: my eyes, that cute scar on my hand

Right or left handed: right

List of three favorite colors: too many, i mostly like colour combos, but light blue, black and #540003 i guess

RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing, i had brownie ritter sport a bit earlier tho

Drinking: water

I’m about to: draw

Listening to: Believer - Imagine Dragons

Kids: 0

Get married: nah

Career: I want money

MOST RECENT

Drink: water

Phone call: i think my uncle??

Song you listened to: before Believer there’s Bonfire on my spotify playlist but rn its Queen by History

HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: nah

Been cheated on: thats a long story

Kissed someone and regretted it: dont think so

Lost someone special: hmm

Been depressed: yeah

Been drunk and thrown up: never drunk alcohol

Kissed a stranger: nope

Had glasses or contacts: yeah

Had sex on the first date: nope

Broken someone’s heart: not that im aware of it

Turned someone down: kinda??

Cried when someone died: yeah

Fallen for a friend: im aro, that doesnt work

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yes

Fallen out of love: no

Laughed until you cried: yes

Met someone who changed you: mhhh dont think so?

Found out who your true friends were: kinda (I’m sorry that I’m always answering like this omg)

Found out someone was talking about you: cant remember

Kissed someone on your fb list: i dont use fb

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes

Hugs or kisses: hugs

Shorter or taller: taller

Romantic or spontaneous: platonic

Sensitive or loud: sensitive

Hookup or relationship: friendship

Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

FIRST

Best friend: have conatct with both or them but we’re not as close? although I still don’t mind lying/rolling around on his floor

Surgery: does removing my wisdom teeth count? (does it?)

Sport: swimming (I wish I hadn’t stopped)

Vacation: Turkey

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

Yourself: depends on the day (same)

Miracles: yeah

Love at first sight: i dont rly believe in romantic love, but other than that yeah has flashbacks to when x impulse bought a ps vita

Heaven: i want to

EXTRAS

How many people from your fb list do you know irl: i still dont use fb

Do you have any pets: i used to have a duck

Do you want to change your name: yeah kinda i’d prefer something gender neutral

What did you do for your last birthday: i played video games at home bc i have no friends

What time did you wake up today: idk, fell asleep again

What were you doing last night at midnight: internet

Something you can’t wait for: when i move out

Last time you saw your mom: some minutes ago

What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: how my brain is sometimes

Have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah, had a classmate with that name

What’s getting on your nerves: loud noises in the morning, often ppl i dont consider as friends

instructions: You can tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people. No skipping.

(should i do the whole thing?? ok lemme get my phone pls note that i havent gotten the p5 ost yet)

Obtained a Berry! - DP OST

actually there comes some more Nintendo OST

Awake -BTS

Young Forever (unplugged ver) - BTS

crow tit (jpn) - bts

Mein Block - Sido

We don’t talk anymore - Jungkook

a song i do not remember what it was

Faint - Linkin Park

La la La - naughty boy

i think its time to make a new playlist bc i dont listen to some pop songs anymore

so uh yeah the whole thing it is

5 things you’d find in my bag:

tissues, a shit ton

wallet

probably some paper

charger

phone

5 things you’d find in my bedroom:

desk

clothes

stuffed animals

bed

my computer

5 things i always wanted to do in life:

Travelmore

Get a job i love

Own a cat

Get a life I like

Have ppl I’m close with that are not far away

5 things i’m currently into:

video games

persona 5, fire emblem heroes (they deserve their own point)

kpop

art

ummm edgesthetic?

5 things on my to do list:

go to a BTS concert

get a part time job

learn Japanese and perhaps Korean and get better at French

visit all the countries I still want to go to

get better at drawing

5 things people may not know about me:

I would love to study video game development but I’m too scared of what’s after that plus there’s no way I’ll get accepted hahaha

i love min yoongi and his mixtape bc he idk he helped me think that maybe not everything in my life will be shitty later and that maybe I’ll be able to be happy one day

I’m currently in a more down phase

i have problems with my sense of reality

i have a cute scar on my hand

Top 10 BTS Songs Tag:

  House Of Cards (Full Length Edition)

  House Of Cards [OUTRO]

  Good Day

No order from here on

4. I NEED U (Japanese Ver.) 5. FOR YOU 6. 쩔어 (Dope) 7. 등골브레이커 (Spine breaker) 8. 24/7 = Heaven 9. Blood Sweat & Tears 10. Not Today

I have time

10 groups/artists you like besides Kpop/liked before Kpop:

nqrse ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

Fall Out Boy

Panic! at the Disco

DAOKO ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

Casper

Die Ärzte

I think that’s it

DAT ADAM

uhh I liked Abingdon Boys School at some point

idk the old Sido songs aint bad?

10 favorite non-kpop songs:

ダイスキ - DAOKO

BANG! - DAOKO

Das Grizzly Lied - Casper

パラサイト(Parasite) - nqrse feat.まふまふ,luz  

ECHO - まふまふ (mafumafu) feat.nqrse

p much any song sung by nqrse im sorry im trash hmu and ill link you some good stuff

Believer - Imagine Dragons

Bonfire - Felix Jaehn, ALMA

Die Vergessenen 1/2 - Casper

omg i totally forgot about OSTs Toberu Mono from The Last Stiry, too much from Persona 5 liek Beneath the Mask, Last Surprise etc

10 favorite movies:

i don’t watch enough :c

10 favorite tv shows, including anime & cartoons:

W - Two Worlds

Acchi Kocchi

Psycho Pass

I’m giving up

10 things you enjoyed before kpop/enjoy besides kpop, that won’t fit in the lists above:

music

art

video games

esp atlus n nintendo games!!

cute soft stuffed animals

flight rising

sarma

collecting cute key charms

collecting cute things in general

dancing

ten tag last movie you watched: i dont know

last song you listened to:  that one song mentioned above by Daoko

last show you watched: I Hear Your Voice

last book you read: Der Vorleser by Bernhard Schlink, don’t read it

last thing you ate: chocolate

if you could be anywhere in the world right now where would you be: Tokyo

when would you time travel to: itll be spontaneous

first thing you would do with lottery money: buy a loft

character you would hang out with for a day: P5 Protagonist

time right now: 23:52

the ‘or’ tag

build a snowman with v OR have a snowball fight with j-hope

get coffee with suga OR get ice cream with suga

go to the cinema with jimin OR the amusement park with jungkook

do a dance cover with j-hope OR sing a duet with jin

kiss rap monster OR cuddle suga

babysit with jimin OR dogsit with v

meet j-hope’s family OR have v meet your family

film a commercial with j-hope OR film a sketch with v

hug jimin OR hold hands with jungkook

go to paris with jin OR go to london with suga (sorry been to paris already)

film a drama with jin OR do a photo shoot with rap monster

attend an award show with rap monster OR wear couple t-shirts at the airport with jungkook

spend a lazy day with suga OR explore a city with j-hope

fall asleep next to jimin OR wake up next to jungkook

make up a silly rap with v OR a silly choreography with jin

have a fun picnic with j-hope OR a fancy date with jin

have jungkook serenade you OR have v sing you to sleep

have a dance party with j-hope OR sing karaoke with suga

go camping with jimin and v OR go to the beach with rap monster and suga

cook with jin AND bake a cake with jimin

have a sleepover with the hyung line OR a birthday party with the maknae line

celebrate halloween with jungkook, suga, v and j-hope OR christmas with rap monster, jimin and j-hope

rules: answer the questions with the first letter of your name, then tag 10 people. If the person who tagged you has the same initial, you must use different answers. you cannot use the same word twice.

What is your name? - Tsu

A four letter word? - text

A boy’s name? - Tom

An occupation? - tailor

Something you wear? - t-shirt

A color? - turquoise

A food? - tomato

Something you find in the bathroom? - toilet

A place? - Tokyo

A reason for being late? - traffic

Something you shout? - yells

A movie title? - something that starts with “the”

Something you drink? - tea

An animal? - turtle

A type of car? - tesla

Title of a song? - Tage wie diese - die toten hosen

I’m,,, maybe later @mama-kisu @metroid-fr (you can do the non kpop stuff) eh whoever wants i guess

[ghosty-schnibibit]

i  a m  d e s t r a u g h t

i legit did not even think this ep would come out today and i spent the last hour relistening to the last one to make up for the fact that i meant to relisten to the whole arc this week. oh well! time to be emotionally destroyed!

oooooh no, i am so worried about all the clips griffin chose for the previously one

don't die duck, please don't die my favorite boy

yes! minerva my love!!!

duck what are you doing

"follow the light" what the fuck duck newton

DUCK IT IS CHARGING AT YOU

spontaneous monster death

"i'm going to beef city!" ilu justin

YES IT DOES MATTER DON'T KILL MY FAVORITE BOY

oh damn that's not good

... so is minerva going to see him basically sacrifice beacon to get to leo? fuck, how is she going to take that???

please someone animate this, p l e a s e

nope, the jet pack is still ford angela-ing around in the woods

did leo bring the jet pack??? oh dang i guess leo brought the jet pack

"you don't know what else could be in there" that sounds like dm speak for there's some good shit in the truck

please let this not be a repeat of merle talking to john and getting five sevens in a row

oh nice! cool! back up weapon!

f l o r e s c e n t  g o r r o

"what's with these five's dog?" what did i just say

how many luck points is duck down to now? i'm assuming more than aubrey but i think less than ned

"extremely, exquisitely dead" jesus griffin

♪♫♬ i can show you the world ♪♫♬

god i love you justin mcelroy

n o r t h

oh fuck, that ain't good

what are you doing minerva???

she's making a connection back to her home planet!!!

at least we don't have to worry about a shot-the-fake-ned scenario anymore lmao

jake my baby boy ilu so much

aubrey sounds so worried

oh now i'm worried griffin

oh no, oh no, this is very very bad

aubrey don't you sacrifice yourself, i can feel that’s the direction this is going, don’t you do it

NICE! GO AUBREY :D

and we're worried about every one of them trav

okay sweet, less worried about aubrey dying now

well this is extremely, extremely bad, holy fuck

aww eugine :(

OH YEAH, AGENT STERN

oh no, oh pigeon :(((

i am... extremely terrified

god i fucking love you aubrey

damn trav go off

DO! NOT! BURN! THAT! LUCK!

i figured that's how that would go, yikes

having never seen twin peaks i don't know that dynamic :|

"y'know what, no?" ilu aubrey

... oh shit, is stern going to be on their side???

never mind, goddamn this ep is breaking so bad, holy shit

mama ilu so much

oh shit i forgot about that!!!

YES DO THAT AUBREY, AT LEAST TELL VINCENT

god bless ilu

"oh shit, ned may have been right" that's terrifying in its own right lol

god damn the music is so good this ep

that's some cool imagery

it was a number of episodes lol

i think ned has grown on me a lot more as episodes have gone on, i really want him to succeed in a way i didn't in previous episodes

that's a great mental image

NED WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?????

CLINT WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WHAT IS YOUR STRATEGY HERE

"HERE'S THE THING-" I SURE HOPE THERE’S A THING NED

it was you larry

NED THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK

bless you clint holy shit

okay, at least they got the hornets on their side

eugine no D:

ilu barclay

okay at least mama is being somewhat sensible about this

"I'M A STEALIN' GUY, OKAY!?" ilu ned

oh no not the abomination music

OH GOD WHAT THE FLYING FUCK

YOU CAN'T JUST CLIFF HANGER IT THERE GRIFFIN

i don't even like ritz crackers griffin

holy shit there's still more than an hour left to this episode, fuck

i just took a minute during the ad read to read the description and... oh fucking boy am i worried about every single character but especially ned. i'm pretty sure the deadly risk for aubrey was pulling the wood out of her leg but i'm worried that it might not be, and “confession” sounds a little too much like last rites for my comfort :(((((

MINERVA :D

"tone and definition are important duck newton!" bless

i love you so much minerva

justin is just absolutely fucked this episode, holy shit

oh poor duck :(

aww minerva :')

"TIME TO CLIMB IDIOT" ilu duck

YES! YES! GO DUCK! :DDDDD

i'm gonna google that, oh hell yeah that's sweet as hell

god i fucking love minerva so much

"i have missed your tutelage" bless you duck my sweet boy

oh the beat is picking up this is so good

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD SCENE DUCK

YES! YES!!! YEEEEES!!!!!

THIS MUSIC IS SO BANGING I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

YEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!!!!!!!!

"well that's the thing-" oh no

jesus griffin you did not need to put that much malice into the word “squeezes”

NICE! he's got some of his chosen mojo back! :D

i am so worried for duck holy shit

THIS WAS THE LIGHT FROM HIS VISION

THIS MUSIC IS SO FUCKING GOOD

AND THEN SHE LEAPS, AND SHE'S HERE

MINERVA!!!!!!!!!!

... that's the quell isn't it

oh this is extremely not good, oh christ they're all going to get massacred

oh no were they... is this a mass exodus from sylvain??? oh my god no

AUBREY PLEASE ASK WHAT'S GOING ON

i'm legit listening to this while there's a thunderstorm in the background, nice ambiance

why are they vanishing??? what mission?????

OH NO I AM SO WORRIED I KNOW WHAT SHE'S GOING TO TRY

did he say weeks early? oh my god this is even worse than i thought

yes!!! go vincent!!!!!

"alright" GRIFFIN I AM WORRIED

YES YES YES YES YES, THANK GOD FOR THOSE GOOD GOOD TRAVIS MCELROY ROLLS

I CALLED IT, WE ALL CALLED IT, IT'S A PART OF THE CRYSTAL

... oh no does she not have magic anymore

AUBREY I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH

dang, that's not great

... oh no, this has to do with the book doesn't it

YES YOU SHOULD VINCENT

this music is so gorgeous oh my god

"i do???" mood clint

alright, fair enough roll

"what ever's inside this thing is also in danger" it's dani isn't it

NED NO, NED YOU DIPSHIT

"are you threatening this sarcophagus?" ilu griffin

alright, not a bad move

ned's going to shoot it, ned's going to kill it and it's going to be dani, this is so very very bad oh my god

IT'S FUCKING DANI!!!!! WE ALL CALLED IT IT'S DANI!!!!!!!!!!

...oh no. oh no oh no oh no. they're going to kill her aren't they

"what do you do?" griffin i am so scared and this music isn't helping

MAYBE BURN A LUCK HERE NED

oh my god this music is killing me griffin

oh my god is... is ned dead???

oh ned :'(

i'm trying so hard not to cry right now and failing so hard

clint you are destroying me here

with love, edmund kelly chicane

oh my god pigeon killed him, oh god

i... i do not know how to feel. i feel heartbroken, on a level i can't describe. i always... in the back of my mind, i always hoped all the pcs would make it to the end, even though i didn't always like everything they did. i always thought they would pull through. but this... it was heartbreaking. and it was beautiful. and it was redemptive. and it fit into the narrative arc of ned's character and his life so well. ned was my least favorite of the core three, but now... he's a fictional character and i feel bad for not appreciating him while he was here. and its a testament to the power of clint's acting, and griffin's writing, and the entire mcelroy family's ability to suck me so deep into a narrative that i feel like i'll be grieving ned chicane for the next week or two at least. there's still about 23 minutes left and i don't know how i'm going to make it though any of them.

... oh god that's why the sarcophagus fell apart isn't it

the level of jocularity implies to me that they filmed this long before clint's scene and i'm still so upset, duck and aubrey still don't know yet

what is this place? oh my god what is this???

god this music is so pretty

is this... the quell???

what on earth is this, i have no idea what is happening

OH NO THE MUSIC IS WARPING THIS IS SO BAD

oh thank god leo didn't die at least

that is not in any way comforting minerva

we are at 15 minutes left and i am... so terrified

oh my god, oh my god, oh my god

aubrey my baby ; _ ;

oh god the gate is going to open isn't it

what's happening???

this music is so beautiful and i am so afraid of it

OH MY GOD WHAT

JANELLE

god damn this is so powerful god damn

arms outstreached

OH NO, THIS IS SO BAD, OH NO

I WAS NOT EXPECTING JANELLE TO HAVE A LUCRETIA-ESQUE SORT-OF HEEL TURN THIS IS NOT GREAT

OH NO THIS IS HORRIBLE HOLY SHIT, OH NO, OH NO, OH NO

travis you're being a bit nonchalant about this don't you think

oh my god no please tell me aubrey isn't going to die too

YOU CANNOT END IT THERE GRIFFIN MCELROY

... see you all june 13th, holy fucking shit