#and havent looked at all that long either rly

[baekuras]

sometimes you return to your wip and just think

what the fuck have i taken upon myself

[skitskatdacat63]

thinking so hard about . when exactly in the martian timeline they hated and loved eachother can u help me .. cause after turkey 2010 they had their love moments as well and even in 2012 they had their buddy buddy moments so idk !!! they’re confusing

OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY I MEANT TO REPLY TO THIS AND THEN I JUST COMPLETELY FORGOT, SO: hello :D

This is something I think about often as well. Teammates are a weird dynamic in F1 because you're forced to compete for the same resources and against each other in the WDC, but at the same time have to still think combined for the team, for the WCC. I think teammate relationships are like being siblings or like being in a marriage(actually I think Mark has said this before haha.) You can never fully hate or separate from each other, even if you go through rough patches, because you're stuck together and have had the same experiences, for good or for worse.

Turkey 2010 is funny because I think that was one of their first bad moments as teammates, right? And I love that RBR made them take that couples therapy, "us in our get-along shirt", picture. That's what I mean by going through the same experiences, like yeah they were probably pissed at each other but were also probably bonding over the hilarity/awkwardness of RBR making them do damage control.

I just think it's probably difficult to stay upset with someone consistently when you're constantly working with them, and you've also experienced the highest highs and lowest lows with each other. I think I referenced this in my Martian champagne pics post but it's kinda funny when you look through all of those shared podiums that Mark always seemed to be way more willing to spray Seb and smile at him when Mark was the one who won(Literally 3/4 of the pics from that post when they were both at RBR were from Mark's wins.) Like it was such a "I can't stay mad at you 🤭" relationship with them. Like with Mark in particular, it feels like whenever he got a better result, he was mostly like "I shall forgive your transgressions." But then 2013 was kind of the last straw for him, with Multi-21, and especially since he really was getting crushed by Seb and not even getting any wins like in the prev years. But then, by removing himself from it all when retiring, he was able to take a step back and see what it was like to not be in constant, direct competition anymore.

Idk if I'm the best person to ask as I don't think I'm in any measures a great Martian scholar. But these are my thoughts :D I just think being teammates in such a competitive environment can result in such love-hate relationships and that Martian is one of the greatest examples of how it fluctuates. I think it'd be really difficult to try and parse when exactly they were on good or bad terms. For me, tbh I think it kinda correlates with Mark's results because I think with just that whole situation, where they were in as teammates directly competing at the very top, it was a lot easier for Mark, rather than Seb, to start feeling resentment as he was generally drawing the shorter straw most of the time.

Basically, teammates(Martian especially) are bonded through triumph and trauma

[nomairuins]

i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.

[toastsnaffler]

ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(

[nonclassyparty]

tins without labels - prologue (j.wy)

summary: Jung Wooyoung's life was always somehow intertwined with your own. from living in the same neighbourhood as kids to attending the same college; fights, bickering, bruises, teasing comments and tears. Wooyoung and you were never complete strangers but never friends either. Always somewhere in between, growing up with each other but never actually knowing one another. The relationship takes a confusing turn in your third year of college after an injury that places your football career on hold. Lonely, lost and confused, you find yourself at your first college party in the presence of none other than Jung Wooyoung asking him to show you what exactly have you been missing out on. playlist // my main masterlist // moodboard (tba) // click to donate to Palestine

pairing: jung wooyoung x reader warnings: none for this chapter i think! word count: 9.3k taglist: just reply or inbox me if u'd like to be added c: a/n: pls don't say damn when u see that i started another story. listen LISTEEEEEN. i know what u all will say..."bree should u rly be starting another series when u havent finished or started the 4757 bajillion ones that u already posted?" the answer is YES. let me explain myself briefly, this summer has been rly hard for me bc i lost someone who was incredibly important to me and i just can't write...i just can't! everything looks like shit!!! im halfway done with soot and something just isn't letting me continue. i can't write pretty on the outside or literally anything else i've started bc its all simply too sad. writing is draining to begin with despite how much i love and enjoy it but writing angst is k wording my mental health lol! so....i present to you this series, mostly dedicated to myself literally no one asked for this, i just feel like its something i need to write and always wanted to so here i go! it will be a little heartwarming series with lots of humor and coming of age shenanigans and huge chunks of it written from personal experience and i hope u guys read it and like it. i had a lot of fun writing this prologue. (p.s. i literally know jackshit about football/soccer so if by some chance someone that reads this knows their football shit....just let it go pls lmfaoo)

(prologue; when we were kids)

and I couldn't find the words, i couldn't think of what to say and all that I can do is stop and think about the days when all we used to dream about was meeting after school

6 and 8 years old;

Your mom helped you build the snowman.

An entire morning of running around your front yard, laughing and playing in the freshly fallen snow, seeing the air you breathe out in front of you that you pretended was cigarette smoke to make your mom laugh as the cold nipped at your cheeks.

The snowman was almost twice your size (which wasn't a lot, you were a fairly small child) with pebbles stuck in as his eyes and teeth pulled up in a big grin. Your mom found a small bucket in the old shed behind the house which she placed on his head as a makeshift hat and because you didn't have any carrots, there was a small twig stuck at the center of the snowman's face to serve as a long crooked nose.

(The snowman didn't have any arms, a detail that went over your head at the time.)

After admiring the big statue in the farther corner of your front yard for awhile, you finally retreated into the house with your socks wet along with the majority of your hot pink snowsuit. As you kicked off the damp clothes and exchanged them for warm, dry ones and fuzzy socks and then settled in front of the TV in the toasty living room with a mug of cocoa - you couldn't help but feel that it was a happy day.

Which is why when, in the late afternoon, once you looked out of your window to see what once used to be your snowman is now nothing but a big pile of disheveled snow with his plastic hat rolling around the sidewalk and two boys running away down the street with shrill laughter echoing after them, you simply couldn't help but burst into tears.

"Mommy!" You screamed out, running outside your front door in fuzzy socks and your sweater, as dramatic as you were. But you were six and your life still ended and began with coloring books and favorite toys, so a snowman that you made with your mom getting destroyed, surely felt like the end of the world.

Once your mom stepped out after you, about to scold you for walking outside into the cold air with no jacket on, you burst into crocodile tears as you pointed to the spot where your snowman once stood.

"Oh, no." She breathed out with a sigh before grabbing her jacket and slipping into whatever shoes were available by the door (they were your dad's old tennis shoes) and walking across the front yard to collect the small bucket from the sidewalk.

All you could do was stand and watch as you wailed so loudly after your snowman that the entire neighbourhood could hear.

"Honey, it's okay." Your mom tried to soothe you as she walked up the steps to your house, carrying what used to be the snowman's hat. "It's just a snowman, we'll make another one tomorrow!"

But you were inconsolable, bursting out in another wave of loud cries as you stomped your tiny foot and pointed to the house across the street.

"They ruined it! W-Wooyoung ruined it!" You sob, waving towards the boy's house with all the anger a six year old could possibly muster. You knew it was him, recognizing the ugly red jacket he wore this entire winter and his even uglier looking friend, Chanwook.

You weren't friends with Wooyoung. He was older than you and all of his friends were mean. You once tried to play with them when you first moved to the neighbourhood but they didn't want to play with a girl. You cried about that too.

They often teased you. Wooyoung said your crooked teeth made you look ugly!

She sighs again, "And that was very mean of him. But, Y/N, we'll just make another snowman tomorrow."

"But-" You start again, tears still sliding down your face. 

"We'll build him in the backyard where we have a fence, so no-one will be able to touch him." She offers with a smile, hoping you'll finally be consoled enough to walk inside and be safe from the harsh cold.

"But I won't be able to look at him from the window." You tell her quietly, voice going hoarse from the crying and bottom lip already wobbling as another wave of tears began to sunk in. She gives you a sympathetic smile.

"We'll get him a prettier hat and we'll use two long branches to give him arms!" Your mom offers again, trying to butter you up so the tears would stop. "We'll get a carrot for his nose and big pretty rocks for his eyes!" Once she realized it was working, she continued; "And we'll take a picture of you with him so you'll always get to look at him, even when he melts away!"

You peer up at her with a hiccup, finally bribed enough; "A picture?"

She nods, holding the door wider for you to finally walk inside as you inch towards the door, fuzzy socks now soaked, "A picture. We'll send your dad to the mall to develop them."

So, you finally walk inside the warm house again, changing your socks and immediately going to your father's home office to pester him about the camera and just how long will it take for a picture to be developed.

-

"-Y/N, we'll just make another snowman tomorrow!" 

Wooyoung heard your mom tell you as he peers at the exchange from across the street, through his bedroom window, freshly changed into dry clothes after a long hard day of playing outside with Chanwook and now, warming his frozen hands on the radiator.

When Wooyoung saw the snowman parked in the corner of your front yard, just a step away from the sidewalk, he and Chanwook thought it would be funny to ruin it. 

The thing was ugly and had an even uglier bucket at the top of it's head, perfect to kick around the street!

He didn't think too much about it, if he was honest. Just saw a big lump of snow he wanted to kick at until it collapsed, so that's what Wooyoung did. It was just a silly snowman.

Besides, you were already six years old. Far too old to be making a stupid snowman. You should've been going sledding with the rest of the neighborhood kids on the small hill just a couple of minutes away from your street. Wooyoung was mature now, so his mom allowed him to go without a chaperone this year. You were always so childish, no wonder your mom didn't let you go with them. You cried over everything.

But he didn't expect you to cry over the stupid snowman!

It was just a snowman. It would've melted anyway when the weather got warmer! Or gotten ruined by someone else! 

The brief fear of your mom telling Wooyoung's mom about what he'd done struck him. He'd positively get grounded for ruining your dumb snowman if she found out and then the rest of his winter break would be spent inside of the house.

You could always make another snowman. A better one. And since you're such a crybaby, Wooyoung would make sure to tell Chanwook that they won't be touching that one. Leave that ugly snowman alone.

Just so you wouldn't cry anymore.

-

10 and 12 years old;

"It's a shame your mother is dead, maybe if she was still around she would teach you how to act like a girl!" 

Your face flushed in anger as you stared the other boy, Beomseok, his chubby fingers still wrapped around your pencil case which was how the argument started in the first place.

He was in the same class as you and a typical bully. Bigger than the rest of his peers and always using it to his advantage to intimidate and tease them. Today, he took your pencil case and when you asked for him to give it back, he only gave you a gnarly smile and started running around the classroom and eventually out on the halls, screaming taunts at you. It would be a lie to say that you didn't scream some pretty mean stuff back but in your defense, he deserved it.

Now, you both stood as if you're ready to duel as the rest of your classmates and even some upperclassmen gathered to see what the commotion is all about, your fury rising so high that tears spring in your eyes at the mention of your mom as you observe his smug smirk. Obviously, from a very young age, you were bad at managing your anger.

"I hate you!" You scream out, voice high pitched. Then you jump on Beomseok with your full weight, successfully pulling him to the hard hallway floors as your hands curled into tiny fists that started colliding with his face.

And Beomseok, for all his intimidating build, talked an awfully big game just to end up bursting into tears as your fist collided with his nose. He was bad at fighting, you notice, if he could be beat up by a lanky girl almost two times smaller than him.

"I just-" Punch. "-wanted-" Punch. "-my pencil case-" A slap. "-back!"

"Somebody help!" He screams from under you, whining under each attack but his classmates were too busy cheering you on to come to his defense.

Once you start harshly pulling on his hair, two arms wrap themselves under your armpits and pull you off of your classmate. You're standing again and are turned by your shoulders to come face to face with your teacher, screaming at you.

"Is this a proper behavior in school?!" and lots of "Your father will hear about this!"'s and "You're going to the principle's office!" as she started pulling you by your arm down the corridor that was still filled with students.

"Everyone to your classrooms! Now!" Your teacher screams from the top of her lungs as she tugs on you and you follow after her with a frown on your face.

Stupid Beomseok.

-

Wooyoung's stomach hurts from laughing, clapping Chanwook's shoulder who was almost sitting on the floor due to his own fit of pure glee, as he watches Kim Beomseok roll around the floor in pain, clutching his nose. 

There's scratches and bruises already forming on his cheeks, little bit of blood mixed with a lot of big, fat tears. It's hard to feel even slightly bad for Beomseok, when Wooyoung heard how he torments his classmates along with the younger kids during recess. Did it count as bullying if the bully is the one getting bullied?

Maybe he finally got what was coming for him, nobody usually stood up to him and Wooyoung least expected you to be the one to put him in his place.

He deserved it, Wooyoung thinks, after what he said about your mom.

Wooyoung remembers her funeral three years ago, he remembers how much you cried and how you didn't leave your house for a month that summer. He even rung the doorbell to ask if you wanted to come out and play one time which he never did because you were a child and he was much more mature than you, you two had nothing in common. But he felt sad for you.

Your mom was nice, she always brought Wooyoung a chocolate when she'd come for a visit.

 Sadly, they discovered she had cancer when you were only seven and Wooyoung was nine. By the time they discovered it, it was already too far along and your mom passed away on a summer evening while you were outside playing hide and seek. 

Wooyoung remembers feeling so bad how they always made you the seeker that day because you were the youngest kid in the neighbourhood and far too easy to convince that it was simply always your turn to look for the other kids.

Your dad opened the door, smiling sadly at Wooyoung and saying that you weren't feeling well enough to come out and play. Wooyoung didn't try again after that.

The teacher is pulling you by your elbow through the crowd, yelling at the top of her lungs for everyone to head to their classrooms since class should start in a couple of minutes. You silently follow her, face twisted into an angry grimace.

Your hair has fallen out of your ponytail, long strands sticking to your face and Wooyoung is pretty sure that your shirt got ripped during the brawl. 

Wooyoung might've been laughing a bit too loudly because with angry eyes and cheeks flushed, your head whips towards him just as you pass by him.

Wooyoung opens his mouth with a smile, to say something like "Good job, Y/L!" maybe. He doesn't get the chance to.

"What are you laughing at, Jung?" You ask loudly and Wooyoung's laughter immediately dies down.

"Wha-?"

And it's then, that your foot meets Wooyoung's shin in a harsh kick that makes him yowl in pain and makes Chanwook burst into another wave of laughter as his hands grab at Wooyoung who doubles over in pain.

"Y/N!" The teacher screams out again, pulling you back by your shirt and going on another rant, filled with threats of calling your dad to school and something else he can't process at the moment.

Wooyoung is too busy feeling the pain and anger that fills him up as he rubs at the place your sneaker covered foot meet his leg.

"Y/N, you psycho!" He yells after you who is still getting dragged away. You don't even bother to look back at him.

(He still collects your pencil case from the floor and throws it on a desk that a classmate of yours says belongs to you before exiting the classroom and going to his own. Wooyoung tells himself it's for no other reason but just so your dad won't have to buy you a new one. He has enough on his plate already.)

-

14 and 16 years old;

Wooyoung has a girlfriend.

You don't know why that's something that bothers you so much.

Maybe because you don't understand what a girl could possibly see in Jung Wooyoung to willingly let him hold her hand or...God forbid, kiss her. Ew.

That's a lie, maybe even a bad attempt at coping on your part because there's a general consensus in your high school that Jung Wooyoung is good-looking. 

You didn't even think he was ugly when you were younger, when he was pulling on your pigtails and teasing you for playing with dolls. He was cute for an annoying kid back then too with his chubby cheeks and bowl haircut.

He was especially cute now, a recent discovery of yours which you have no one else to thank except puberty. It did wonders on your hormones and it did wonders on Jung Wooyoung too. 

His jawline got sharper the more baby fat he lost and lips grew fuller. His boyish smile was very attractive, even his smile lines were captivating. Wooyoung grew taller as well, not by much compared to the other boys in his grade but he was tall just enough so you'd have to look up to him when you argue but not enough to be intimidated by him.

So, yes, you supposed you'd understand the appeal if it weren't for his stupid mouth and mean words more often than not, directed at you. You threw shots back as well, sometimes even started an argument first if you were feeling particularly annoying but maybe that sums up why you're so bothered.

He started dating Chaeyoung at the beginning of this summer and since you have the fortune (read: misfortune) of living in the house right across the street from Wooyoung's, you were an unlucky witness to most of their dates.

And he was so sweet to her. He'd buy her cheap flowers and ice cream, they'd walk around the neighbourhood holding hands, they'd take Wooyoung's younger brother Kyungmin to the playground in the evenings. Wooyoung would smile a lot at her and Chaeyoung would always smile back.

You even saw them kiss. Just once.

When you were folding laundry in your bedroom, you looked through the window just in time to see their lips connect on Wooyoung's front porch. You quickly looked away, feeling shy and embarrassed, not understanding why you were blushing or feeling so sad all of a sudden.

Why was he so nice to other girls but never to you? You shouldn't think too much about it, the problem isn't you. Chaeyoung wasn't just some other girl but his girlfriend. Of course, he'd treat her special.

Whatever. You scoff as you watch Chaeyoung run to Wooyoung across the quad as you adjust your sports bag over your shoulder. 

She jumps into his arms and you can hear his loud, annoying laughter even to here as his arms wrap around her and he picks her up from the ground.

"What are you doing?" You almost jump out of your skin at the sound of Ryujin's voice as she nosily tries to follow where you were staring at.

Ryujin was the first friend you met since you started high school two weeks ago. She might be the only friend you have for awhile since you haven't really been trying to even get to know your classmates as you were too busy trying out for the girls football team.

You don't remember when you started actively playing football exactly. You always played it for fun with the boys from the neighbourhood (Wooyoung included)  but maybe it was around seventh grade when your dad pestered you into trying out a sport because he didn't know what else to do with you so he packed you up and sent you to a sports camp for two weeks one summer, that you started actually playing.

You went there only caring about your iPad and came back saying you'll be a professional football player.

Your dad doesn't want to say it but you know he thinks it's a fickle dream that will fizzle out with age.

Thankfully, Ryujin shared the same love for the sport as you so for now, you were relieved and content to spend time with her. She was nice.

You didn't need anyone else but maybe it would've been nice if someone who was older, who you were familiar with even if you always fought, would give you a couple of words of useful advice. Regarding the new teachers and subjects and all.

High school was scary.

"Nothing." You answer quickly, turning your back to Wooyoung and his girlfriend and fully facing your new friend.

"Nothing?" Ryujin gives you a suspicious smile, eyes darting over your shoulder once more before she ruffles your hair. You yelp. "Do you have a crush already, Y/N?"

You gently shove her away with a huff, fixing your bangs, "Don't be stupid. These boys are all ugly."

A crush. As if!

She laughs at that, throwing her arm around your shoulder as she directs you both to the field where practice was held, already yapping about her own crush.

-

"Hey, isn't that your neighbour?" Chaeyoung nudges Wooyoung with her elbow, nodding somewhere behind Wooyoung. He cranes his neck to follow the direction before his eyes land on you.

He snorts, "Yeah."

You were standing in the middle of the football field, sweaty and red in the face from all the running, with your hands on your hips as you paid attention to what your coach was yelling towards your teammates across the field.

The school's jersey seemed far too big on your lanky form and your hair was a mess, always slipping out of your ponytail. You were much smaller in build than the rest of the team and it looked funny to Wooyoung.

He didn't expect you to be into sports, let alone a sport like football. In fact, Wooyoung is surprised that you don't burst into tears when you start arguing with the makeshift referee played by another student. It's what usually happens if you spend longer than a minute arguing with Wooyoung.

And then he ends up being the bad guy for making you cry but no one ever mentions that you sometimes provoke him first as well but can't take it when it's dished right back.

Since you're such a crybaby.

He watches with an amused grin as you bare your teeth at the referee, who is really just a senior that thought it would be a fun time but now he has to stand arguing with you. And to Wooyoung's further amusement, the older boy who is almost two heads taller than you, looks like he's about to shit his pants in front of you.

Hm. Maybe not such a crybaby when it's anyone else but Wooyoung.

"I think she has a crush on you."

He turns to look at his girlfriend with a confused look, growing further confused when she smiles teasingly at him.

"Who?" He asks and she gives him a knowing look before nodding in your direction again. Wooyoung splutters out a surprised laugh, "Y/N?"

"Yeah." She nods excitedly, giggling, "She's cute."

Wooyoung scoffs with an eyeroll, "She's a kid."

A kid who might have a small crush on Wooyoung but still, a kid nonetheless.

He'd be stupid to say he didn't notice that you sometimes stare at him a little too much but what the hell is he supposed to do about that. You just started high school, you probably weren't even aware of what you were doing. It was a childish crush because at the end of the day that's what you are - childish.

Chaeyoung giggles again, the sound is soft and sweet, leaning her head against his shoulder. 

"It's kind of sweet." She sighs dreamily and Wooyoung snorts because nothing about you was sweet, "You're her handsome neighbour, the only guy who's always been close to her since she was a kid, she probably starts those childish arguments with you so you'd give her attention and then writes about you in her diary and-"

"Y/N is the last person to have a diary, first of all." Wooyoung interrupts with a snicker before looking down on his girlfriend who is teasing him, "Second of all, you sound ridiculous."

Chaeyoung lifts her head up from where it rested against him and looks at him seriously, her lips pressed together. Then she starts imitating Wooyoung's last sentence in a deeper voice that sounds nothing like him, "You sound ridiculous-ah!"

She squeals when Wooyoung pinches her at the waist lovingly and it turns to tickling her as he presses kisses to her cheeks.

As they continue to exchange kisses between hushed giggles, the conversation about you is forgotten.

-

18 and 20 years old;

From the moment you opened the door to greet your date, you knew that the whole night would be a complete and utter disaster.

Maybe you watched too many teen movies that romanticized prom night so much that even you ended up believing and looking forward to the glorified fantasy of it but boy, were you in for a rude awakening.

Your prom date was a boy from your Calculus class named Eunwoo. 

To be completely honest, you were convinced for the entirety of your senior year that you wouldn't have a date for prom at all because not much has changed since freshman year.

You still had one good friend (two, if you count Ryujin's friend that says she likes hanging out with you) and your focus was always on football. Add schoolwork and keeping up your good grades and you truly didn't have much time left for socializing.

So when Eunwoo pulled you aside after your football practice and asked you if you wanted to go to prom together with a handsome boyish smile on his face, your excitement for that night skyrocketed.

Eunwoo wasn't exactly a friend but he was nice to you during class, maybe you were wrong but his niceness sometimes even bordered flirting. Already, you were daydreaming about a possible boyfriend to spend your last summer with before you start college.

With a date or without one, you spend the bigger portion of your senior year saving up money for prom night or should you say prom preparations.

Makeup was never your strongest suit, in fact, it wasn't a suit of yours at all. You never wore it. You never did your hair either. 

Even on the rare occasion that you went to a high school party, you never wore anything else aside from jeans and T-Shirts. You were an athlete and you committed to the bit entirely, always being ready to sweat and opting for comfort of loose clothes above anything else.

But you wanted to look nice for prom, pretty. Not because of Eunwoo but for yourself. Prom is only once and you wanted to make sure you do it with confidence. 

All your saved up allowance went on the hair and makeup appointment along with your dress that Ryujin helped you pick out. The dress was quite simple in your opinion, a dark red one with a square neckline held up by two thin straps that clung to your curves and flared out at the bottom.

With your hair pinned up in an up-do with two curled strands framing your face and glitter on your eyelids, you thought you looked very pretty, beautiful even. Hell, it was probably the best you looked in your entire eighteen years of life. You could even put up with the painful heels for the sake of it.

Your dad made you pose over the whole house while you waited for your date to pick you up. First a photoshoot on the stairs, then one on the front porch, then a little in front of the living room fireplace. 

He seemed so excited with his camera hanging around his neck as he followed you around the house.

It was one of the moments you wished your mom was here for but nonetheless, it was much fun with your dad only as well. You were happy.

It all went to shit though once you opened the door for Eunwoo and he started laughing in your face.

"Oh my God!" He laughs, almost doubling over at the apparent hilarity of your appearance, "What are you wearing?!"

You laugh nervously, ignoring your father's glance at you from the sheer embarrassment, "What? Is it that bad?"

"No, no." Eunwoo shakes his head, wiping a stray tear that escaped while he was laughing, "It's just not like you, at all."

"Oh." You give him a sour smile, your fragilely built ego shattering completely. "I was just...trying something new I guess..."

He snickers with a headshake before offering you his hand, "Come on, let's go take a photo?"

After a small moment of hesitation, feeling your cheeks burn from the humiliation, you let him grab your hand and step out on the front porch. Eunwoo places a hand around your waist to pull you closer as you both smile at your dad's camera.

A couple of photos later, you both head towards Eunwoo's car as your dad waves you goodbye. You give him a small, almost sad wave back as Eunwoo opens the door for you. You ask him;

"Do I really look funny?"

"No, you look pretty no matter what." He answers, helping you with your dress. "It's just doesn't suit you I guess, it's not like you."

"Ah..." You say staring at the dashboard as you watch him round the car to get into the driver's seat. You glance back at your dad just to see him get back into your house and for a split second, you want to call the whole thing off and go back inside with him.

Of course this doesn't suit you. You were the girl guys dapped up in the hallways, the girl that was always covered in hoodies and sweatpants and never wore makeup. You must look stupid, all dolled up like this. What were you thinking.

Prom celebration is usually held at a hotel not far from your high school. The ballroom is enormous, with vast marble floors and high ceilings illuminated by golden, shimmery lights. It looks straight out a fairytale with colorful dresses worn by pretty princess and handsome princes in their extravagant suits. Only, you don't feel like a princess at all.

Eunwoo and you find your table and you briefly say hi to Ryujin and her date. Ryujin tells you how amazing you look and you give her the first (and possibly, only) genuine smile of the night.

"So," Eunwoo starts the conversation a few minutes after you settle down at your table with drinks, "Did you decide where you're going for college? Any scouts?"

"I'm leaning towards SNU. Their Women's Football Club is really strong and I feel like they actually get proper investments and budget." You tell him and he grins interrupting your next sentence.

"See, this is why I like you. It's hard to find a girl who knows about sports and is so chill about everything."

Your mouth stays parted, the rest of your sentence (which was really just saying that the fact the male football team was hot contributed to your decision as joke) went unsaid as his words registered. Every "compliment" Eunwoo gives you is starting to come off so backhandedly that you're beginning to realize that while he thinks he has you all figured out - he doesn't actually know you at all.

You give him a fake laugh and pray to God it doesn't sound fake enough for him to notice as you take a sip of your drink.

An hour later, your heels are killing you so much that you've completely given up on dancing. You observe Ryujin on the dance floor with her date, still going at it and sigh with the silent question of when it would be your turn. Instead, you're stuck to the sidelines with shoes that feel awful on your feet and a date that can't stop talking about how it's attractive that you're a "girl that actually eats". Eunwoo's compliments are becoming weirder by the second.

"Should I just take you home?" Eunwoo asks with an amused smile as he observes you taking off your heels for the tenth time since you sat back down.

"Ah, would you mind?" You give him an apologetic smile, feeling like a burden and a not-so-much-fun date, "I'm sorry, Eunwoo, this is unfair to you-"

"Nah, I had a fun time." He shakes his head, downing the rest of his drink, "Next time, just be yourself though, yeah?"

The weirdly phrased statement makes you pause. "What do you mean?"

"You know, you don't have to dress like this!" He laughs, playfully playing with the thin strap of your dress. You subtly move away from his touch. "It's not like you at all. I don't know if your friends talked you into it just to fit in but you shouldn't let them push you around like this."

He's so wrong that you can't speak for a moment but even if you could, you feel like trying to explain yourself to him would be far too exhausting and would lead to nowhere. Nor do you want it to lead anywhere anymore, if you were honest.

"Girls like that are so exhausting." He gives a tired sigh. "Outfits and makeup aren't the only thing in the world."

"Girls....like that?"

"You know! Like, the touchy-feely shit. Everything is about color-coordination and nail polishes with them. God forbid their hair is out of place. What a headache!" Eunwoo runs a hand through his hear before giving you an award winning smile. "That's why I'm glad I got to hang out with you! You're real."

"I'm....real?" You ask with a cocked head as your eyes start to narrow. He's too busy thinking that you like what he's saying so he continues.

"Yeah. You know, you keep it real. You're not caught up in that frivolous, girly bullshit. You're so chill, Y/N." He keeps smiling at you like he just gave you the highest form of compliment he possibly could.

But you can't bring yourself to crack a smile even if someone held a barrel of a gun to your temple at the moment. In fact, you feel like throwing up. You should've know from the start, from the moment he was so unreasonably impressed with your lack of makeup at the beginning of the year.

Eunwoo was one of those guys.

"Um," You slide your heels back on and grab your clutch, "You know what, you stay. I'll go."

"Wait, what." His brows raise in half confusion and half surprise as he watches you stand up from your seat.

"Yeah, I'll walk home."

"Wait, Y/N. Why would you walk home? I already said I'd drop you off-"

"No thanks. I don't want to get in a car with a sexist."

"What?!" Eunwoo reels back, "What the fuck are you talking about?! I'm not a sexist! I respect women!"

You huff, turning to him with a glare. "You respect women who are "cool" and "chill" and basically act like men. You should've just taken one of your dudes to prom if these are your opinions. I'm out."

So, that's how you find yourself in your pretty dress sitting in one of the plastic chairs of a convenience store with a popsicle in your mouth as you watch the cars drive by. You were too embarrassed to arrive home so early, you hyped up prom night so much to your dad - you'd rather lie and tell him you had a good time.

If the night couldn't possibly get any shittier, while you eat away at your cherry popsicle feeling undeniably sorry for yourself, you hear a familiar laugh followed by sounds of shoes scuffing against the pavement towards the convenience store.

Of course. Of fucking course, Jung Wooyoung would show up now, when you needed him least.

You try to make yourself seem as small as possible in the plastic chair, hoping he or his two friends wouldn't notice you (which in retrospect was a dumb hope, you were sitting right by the entrance in a fucking prom dress).

Ever since Wooyoung graduated high school two years ago, you only saw him in passing. He'd come home for Christmas holidays or a week or two during the summers and you'd only catch him skunk out of his house and into his dad's car if you were lucky. Unlucky, that is of course.

Maybe you were hoping he wouldn't even recognize you and although it would kind of hurt (as embarrassing as that is to admit), you feel like it would be a better option.

But since you were on a roll tonight, obviously this is just another thing that doesn't go your way.

"Nice dress, Y/L/N." You hear Wooyoung's voice speak, followed by snickers from his idiotic friends and his own attempt at stifling his laughter as they walk past you and into the convenience store, the small bell above the door signaling their entrance.

That ends up being your last straw. 

You don't cause another fight or yell something back after him, no, you don't have the energy to do that tonight. Instead, you feel like you will cry.

Tears are already burning at your eyes and your bottom lip wobbles, you're not even aware that your eyes follow Wooyoung through the display of the store, watching him as he picks up a pack of beer and heads for the cashier.

He got even more painfully handsome than he was when you'd see him every day before he graduated. His hair was double toned, the top of it black and the bottom strands bleached, brushing the nape of his neck.

You think you could even see a tattoo peaking under his shirt as he moves.

Jung Wooyoung was so not your type. Not that you really knew what your type was but all the guys that you found cute in your high school years were athletes, jocks who were organized and dedicated to their routine which in your opinion showcased their maturity, got good grades and were respected by their peers. Wooyoung was really the complete opposite of that so it was hard to explain why you so weirdly hung up over his approval.

He's still laughing about something with his friends, it would hurt so badly if it was about you, as his eyes dart through the display and connect with your own.

Wooyoung does a double take before his big smile slowly slips and dare you say, eyes soften as he looks at you and his lips part as if he wants to say something. 

It could all be in your head though and you're feeling even worse now that he caught you staring at him like a total creep, so you throw your popsicle in the trash and get up with a sigh, slipping back into your heels and deciding to just go home.

-

"Hey, Y/L/N! Wait up, I'll give you a ride home!" Wooyoung calls out after you, the plastic bag swinging back and forth in his hand. 

He can hear Chanwook's hushed objection which Wooyoung chooses to ignore, instead focused on walking closer to you. You couldn't make it far since you were basically limping in your heels.

"No thanks." Wooyoung hears your response and rolls his eyes. He hasn't spoken to you in the last two years at all but he can see that nothing has changed much - you were still too stubborn for your own good.

You didn't even bother to turn back and look at him, instead you hitch your dress further up and continue up the street and away from the convenience store.

"Y/N, come on. Quit being a brat and just wait for me to bring the car around."

"I said no!" You yell over your shoulder and let out a small yelp when you stutter a bit on your feet. To Wooyoung, you resembled Bambi right now.

"I'm trying to help you!" He yells back, still following you, "Just let me drive you back-"

"Wooyoung, seriously, fuck off!" You turn to face him with red cheeks and teary eyes (maybe that's why he's insisting so badly to drive you home, you simply look pathetic), "I don't need your fucking help!"

Wooyoung reels back at your tone and harsh words and then a wave of embarrassment washes over him when he hears Chanwook and Eunhyuk laugh behind him, at the fact that he just got told off by his little neighbour.

The embarrassment is followed up by anger that prickles at his skin like needles, he scoffs and if there's one thing Wooyoung will be - it's petty; "Fine! Limp home in your stupid heels then, see if I give a shit!"

You don't give him a response and Wooyoung doesn't bother to look for it either, instead turns around on his feet and heads towards his car (his dad's car). But not before telling a laughing Chanwook to shut the fuck up.

But once he's in the car with the keys in the ignition, he stares at the steering wheel in obvious contemplation before letting out a small groan, "Fuck."

Wooyoung turns to Chanwook, "Sit in the back, please."

His friend looks at him in surprise and confusion. "What?"

"Just sit in the back, will you? Please." Wooyoung repeats, avoiding Chanwook's eyes but feeling his stumped stare.

"Wooyoung, you cannot be serious." His friend laughs in disbelief as if reading his mind, looking around before giving Wooyoung another incredulous look, "She just told you to fuck off!"

Eunhyuk is quiet in the back which is a huge relief for Wooyoung, he really didn't need to defend himself to his other friend too.

"I can't let her go by foot in the dark, you've seen her! She can barely walk!" Wooyoung says defensively to both of his friends as Chanwook moves to the back with a huff.

"And that's your problem...how?" Chanwook, like the annoying pest he is, asks.

"It's not...." Wooyoung trails off, trying to look for an excuse as to why he was going out of his way to give you a ride home. "But...but her dad would kill me if he knew I saw her and didn't drive her back. It's only right."

Chanwook smacks his lips obnoxiously loud, "Sure."

Wooyoung doesn't even need to turn around to know that his friend is giving him a very bold side eye right now.

Eunhyuk snorts but doesn't say anything else. Wooyoung is thankful for that at least.

"She probably won't even want to get in the car." Chanwook comments quietly as they reach you on the sidewalk. He ends up being ignored.

Wooyoung rolls the window of the old car down so he can talk to you, he has to say you're walking at an impressively slow pace. "Y/N, get in the car."

He hears you groan dramatically from the outside, "Jung, you're not my dad. Stop telling me what to do."

Wooyoung ignores Chanwook and Eunhyuk's snickers in the back once again, he grows even more irritated, "I'll call your fucking dad right now and tell him you're walking home alone this late. How about that?"

You turn to him with your glossy lips twisted into a scowl, "You wouldn't."

Always ready to prove a point or in this case, lie straight out of his ass, Wooyoung makes a show of stopping his car next to the sidewalk and fishing his phone from the pocket of his jacket before opening up his contacts and beginning to scroll. He doesn't even have your dad's number.

But Wooyoung is a professional bullshitter so he keeps pressing random buttons with a straight face and presses the phone to his ear before turning to you with his brows raised-

"Okay, fine!" You exclaim with an angry huff and start rounding his car as your cheeks flush a pretty pink color. Wait, pretty-? You open the door and angrily plop into the passenger's seat with a glare directed towards him, "Fucking snitch."

Wooyoung ignores you, locking his phone without another word and beginning to drive away.

There's an awkward silence in the car, only sounds being made are those of the plastic bags filled with beer that keep rustling in Eunhyuk's lap.

"This isn't the way to our street." You say and Wooyoung might be crazy but you almost sound a little nervous at that. He glances at you before it dawns onto him. Of course, you'd be feeling nervous.

It's nighttime and you're in a car with three dudes older than you who you don't know that well. Wooyoung didn't even bother telling you about his plan before he started driving. A curse runs through his head before he clears his throat,

"I'll just drop these two off at a party nearby and then drive you home." He murmurs, chest constricting a little when he sees you cross your hands over your chest, a gesture which makes you seem smaller.

"Wait, wha-" Chanwook, gosh he was really pissing Wooyoung off tonight, starts from the backseat. "Woo, I thought you were going too-"

"I will." Wooyoung interrupts him with a clenched jaw as he pulls up to the house where the party is held, "I'll drop Y/N off and then come back, it won't take more than fifteen minutes. Now get out- Wait, give me that bag right there."

Eunhyuk hands him one of the plastic bags and Wooyoung fishes through it and pulls out two blueberry ice creams out of it before giving the bag back to Eunhyuk. Which he bought for himself, of course. Not because he saw your popsicle melting on the pavement or anything.

Chanwook watches with a dropped jaw before huffing, Wooyoung hears him murmur, "Doing it for her dad, my ass-" 

"I'll be right back!" Wooyoung announces loudly, far too loudly, and Eunhyuk slams the car door shut so Wooyoung can drive away.

When he pulls away, the silence in the car is almost stifling so Wooyoung offers you the ice cream, "Here."

You look at him like a second head just popped out of his shoulder before looking back through the window and ignoring him completely. Wooyoung lets out a small groan. So stubborn.

"Oh my God, just take it." He says, placing the ice cream on your lap as he continues to drive. He bites back a smile when he sees you stare at the ice cream on your lap for a long second before grasping it and opening the wrapper so you can eat it.

Wooyoung really doesn't know what he's doing right now.

He doesn't know why he bought ice creams for you, he doesn't know why he insisted on getting rid of his friends first before dropping you off home, he has no idea why he keeps glancing at you every couple of seconds from the corner of his eye and he especially doesn't have a clue why he takes the longer route home.

When tomorrow comes and he wakes up hangover from the party and probably in someone else's bed, he'll give himself the same excuse he gave the boys. He wanted to make sure you got home safely because it's the right thing to do. There was nothing else to it.

But in this moment, right now, in the stifling silence and the breeze that flows through the opened window's because the air conditioning isn't working - Wooyoung notices things that he feels embarrassed to notice, or maybe he noticed them before but never allowed himself to appreciate them until tonight.

Like, how nice your bare neck and collarbones look now that your hair is pinned up in soft curls. A thin silver necklace graces your neck. Or how the two curled strands at the front frame your face prettily. Your eyelids are painted with something shimmery which Wooyoung doesn't know the name of and your cheekbones are a soft peach color intentionally placed there beforehand. 

Your glossy lips wrap around the ice cream cone and you bite off a huge chunk. 

"Why are you staring at me?" Wooyoung can decipher the question even through the mouthful of ice cream as you give him a slight glare.

Because you're pretty. Is what he wants to say, honest and bare, but he obviously can't because you're you and he's Wooyoung. "Because you have ice cream on your nose."

His hands tighten against the steering wheel when he sees you quickly look to the side and wipe at your nose self-consciously. You blush a scarlet red from the embarrassment. Great, now he feels like an asshole.

Wooyoung clears his throat, "Why did you look so sad? Back there, in front of the store."

He has no idea why he's trying to make conversation with you. You two never do that, never did. The closest thing to a conversation between Wooyoung and you would be the arguments you'd have in the middle of the school hallway when he'd tease you for your braces.

Those came off as well, by the way, he can see the pearly white teeth perfectly aligned now as you speak. No longer crooked. Maybe he'd like to see them pulled up in a smile but that's borderline wishful thinking now. You smiling at Wooyoung? Yeah, right.

"No reason." You tell him quietly, slumping in your seat as you continue to eat your ice cream. You sigh with an eyeroll, "Just...prom sucked."

Likely thing to happen.

The key is to go to prom with your expectations so low that you can only go up from there but Wooyoung had an inkling feeling that having low expectations wasn't in your nature.

Besides, you were a jock. He remembers even when you were a freshman, you were already running with the popular crowd without even being aware of it, with the athletes and the cheerleaders. Prom night is sort of a pinnacle of the high school experience for people like you.

Guess it's a bummer that you look like you had a shit time.

He hums, "At the end of the day, it's just another Friday night. Nothing special. So even if it sucked, you'll get over it."

Maybe he wasn't the best at giving advice or comforting people.

You side eye him and he pretends not to see it before you quietly add, "I don't usually spend a year worth of allowance on just another Friday night."

Wooyoung cracks a smile, teasing you being a second nature even if you barely spoke since he graduated, "What? Did you expect a prince charming to sweep you off your feet so you two can dance the night away or something? I didn't know you were into that corny shit, Y/L/N."

He hears you scoff, cheeks still red as you roll your eyes, seriously annoyed, "Whatever. Forget I said anything."

Wooyoung's gives a forced snicker just to annoy you before his smile drops again and his eyes flutter shut for a moment out of pure frustration at his own stupidity, internally cursing himself. If shooting yourself in the foot was a person - it would have Jung Wooyoung's photo and name posted under it.

Why can't you just be nice to her?

The air in the car turns even more awkward and Wooyoung shifts uncomfortably in his seat while you continue to eat your ice cream in silence as you stare through the window.

He slows down in front of your house just when you're finishing your ice cream.

You crumple the wrapper in your hand, place the second ice cream on the dashboard and grab the small bag laying on your lap before grabbing the door handle.

"I hope," Wooyoung starts and when you turn to look at him, he's overcome with a sudden coughing fit which is really just awkwardness and the need to fix whatever the fuck he broke a little even more tonight, "Uh, hope you took some good pictures tonight at least because..."

He trails off, feeling like it was his first time flirting with a girl. Wait, what the fuck. He was not flirting with you. Not even a little bit. Wooyoung was simply trying to pay you a compliment. Simple as that. It doesn't have to be anything more. You don't even need to be friends to pay someone a compliment, in fact, Wooyoung is positive that regular archnemeses complimented each other at least once.

Unfortunately, compliments aren't the norm between the two of you, so whatever nice thing he says feels wrong.

Your brows raise.

"You know," He trails off, scratching the back of his neck in an attempt to seem cool and collected. He nonchalantly adds but his side glances might give him away, fortunately you're too much of a ditz to notice, "You look good."

You stare at him for a long moment, seriously it's so long that he almost changes his mind and adds an insult just so you two would be back in those familiar waters of bickering and teasing each other but then your eyebrows fall back down and a scowl overtakes your features.

"Yeah, right." You mumble and Wooyoung almost feels insulted for some reason but then you continue, "Thanks for the ride."

And then you're out of the car and already moving across your front lawn before Wooyoung can snap out of it and remember to turn the car back on.

-

19 and 21 years old;

"10 more minutes! Y/L/N stop arguing with that asshole and get back into your position before you're out of the game completely!" 

Your coach is red in the face from all the shouting and you know what's good for you, so you keep your mouth shut as you run to your spot, thoroughly ignoring the glare your team's captain shoots at you from your right.

The 'asshole' that your coach is referring to is the referee who didn't count a player from the rival team almost breaking your leg by bulldozing into you - as a foul.

"-stole Eunha's position from her and can't even play properly." You hear a snicker behind you and don't even have to turn to know who it's directed at.

Despite it being only your first semester, you haven't made the greatest impression on your teammates (nor did you try all that much to change that impression). 

So for the time being, when there was no rival team, you were the collective enemy in the changing rooms and on the practice field. A freshman who kicked their friend from the spot she had since she started college. A freshman who thought she was better than the rest of her team. A freshman who didn't know how to behave at times. A freshman that made them run extra laps because she was bad at remembering all the new rules at times.

And now, a freshman that was playing badly and fucking up things for the rest of them.

"Y/N!" A hiss from your right is heard and your eyes zero in on your captain, Jihyo, who is staring at you. "Focus."

You swallow harshly and give her a quick now before focusing your gaze to the front.

In high school, you weren't used to losing. You were a winner, it's what you prided yourself in. Failure wasn't an option when it came to football.

But turns out in college, when all the other players are as good as you, winning isn't as easy.

In fact it’s a lot harder than you thought it would be. Nearing the end of the first half the score sheet is still empty and it annoys all of the players and the fans as well. The weirdest thing is how ball is not even on your team's side of the field most of the time; your defenders did not have a very entertaining start of the game in comparison to defenders from Busan, who already look out of breath from all of the attacks to their side. Not to mention that they keep teaming up on you specifically.

You can’t pinpoint what exactly is wrong and why there was no goal to this point; half of you thinks it’s because you didn’t blend well with the team. 

"Run, run, run!" Yeonjin shouts, when Sinb loses the ball and Busan’s midfielders rush to their side.

The spike of adrenaline energizes you and your eyes zero on the ball, running after it. Mina’s figure passes from your left and both of you corner the midfielder, successfully getting the ball to your side. You have it and quickly pass it to Yeonjin, seeing her signal for the ball. You watch her run off when a body collides with your own and the impact is so strong, you lose your balance, falling down.

‘What?’ You ask yourself in disbelief not understanding how you're sprawled across the grass again, slowly standing up. At first you're shell-shocked but now anger fills you to the brim when you see that it's the same girl who intentionally collided with you the first time, watching you with a smug smirk and then you're just  ready to fight.

 You push back at her and get even angrier when the bitch doesn't fall. 

"Are you going to go tattle to mommy?" She asks with a mocking concern and you can’t hear anything; you even forget that you are in the middle of the game because your anger turns your vision red. 

With a loud groan, you launch towards her and grab her by the shirt, screaming to her face that 'she's a cunt'. There are hands around you, pulling you away, trapping you and not letting you go even when you try to break free.

Jihyo's face is in front of you and you can't register what she's saying but you can see her turn red from how pissed off she is. Maybe it's better if you're not listening to her, if you can't hear anyone actually...but then-

"Hey, number nine! You better not fucking cry!"

At first, you think the loud yell came from somewhere on the field. You thought another player from the Busan team was talking shit. And then,

"Number nine! Crybaby!"

There's some laughter in the audience and it's then that you realize the voice is shouting from the fucking bleachers.

A teammate is already pulling you in the opposite direction but your eyes are glued to crowd sitting on the sidelines, the annoying voice insistently yelling. Crybaby. Crybaby. Crybaby.

The worst part is that the voice sounds so painfully familiar, you just can't put your finger on it. Who.

You're about to let it go. You're about to be the bigger person and not act like a total brute on the field, just let it go Y/N. But then-

"Hey, hey crybaby!" You stop in your tracks, head whipping to the direction the voice was coming from and eyes coasting over the bleachers. "What kind of hill did you roll down from that you don't even know how to push someone back properly?!"

Finally, you spot it. Him. In a red hoodie, making sure to stand out in the sea of blue. It's no wonder the voice sounded so eerily familiar, you've heard it screaming at you for the majority of your childhood and a good chunk of your teen years. 

Because he rolled down the same hill as you with only a street separating you.

When he realizes that you've caught onto him, he gives you that smile. That grin that never led to anything good, pearly white teeth gleaming under the lights of the bleachers as he taunts you.

You blood pressure jumps so, you take a deep breath and....scream;

"Jung Wooyoung!"

[meruz]

another ask post

i mean i also read it because a friend whos rly into queer SFF fiction circles recced it but she did kinda lead with "the writer used to write hs fanfic...tasmyn..taz...?" to which i replied

of COURSE I read the locked tomb because i heard taz had written a book. of course. ill consume most any media made by a beloved homestuck bnf. thats also why i played undertale. and read like..snotgirl. and idk... watched the new dub of neon genesis evangelion.

if u made homestuck fanwork 10 years ago and havent even made it since chances are I still remember and I love you for it.

sdlkfhsg its funny you sensed that because that drawing did in fact start kinda more........ well, I'd be lying if I said my hands never wrought a drawing toeing over the pg-13 line LOL...

NOT to say i have a secret stash of porn or anything. in general im more interested in the implication of sexuality or mature themes over any explicit depiction. like everything i draw is so softcore itd almost feel silly to make a nsfw acc for anything.

but im not rly jumping to post anything on main either bc i get the sense i have a lot of kids in my social media following. it varies from site to site and fandom to fandom but the themes in my work often circle around childhood, coming of age etc and in general i like stories about kids so the fandoms i draw for have a lot of kids in them. even stuff like IT (stephen king) which is about kids but isn't necessarily for kids.. there were a lot of kids in that fandom lol.

actually thats why ive been censoring swears in comics lately because the tmnt fandom comes across to me as a little young...IDK I've had MULTIPLE people ask me what "sodomize" means because of the joke in this post and I'm like... I Cannot be the one to explain this to you. you have to look it up on your own klfsdhsdg like i wouldn't be doing this if i were doing a comic for mgs or even homestuck wherein the characters textually swear constantly LOL but sometimes u gotta change tacks depending on the faces u see in the crowd yknow.

i HAVE been thinking abt drawing nsfw of sunspot/richard rider/kobak from x-men red just because that comic seemed to be really asking for it. who knows.. if the need rly arises maybe my separate account policy will change.

its rly more a matter of the fact that i havent read/watched much of any other iterations... im sure id like most lol. I like most things related to my interests regardless of quality. i rly like the marvel ultimate alliance games for instance. sometimes seeing my fave guy is enough he doesnt have to be well written LOL. i dont exactly have a wealth of free time tho thats the real impediment.

i did watch the 2007 movie on new years eve and found it quite charming overall. and i have read about 30-40 issues between the mirage and idw comics. still feels like im barely scratching the surface but i liked em. i rly want to read all the sophie campbell stuff bc i think her work is interesting. jason aaron will be a mixed bag i think lmao. i say as the worlds biggest Wolverine and the X-Men (2011) fan.

hmm this is kinda hard bc i feel like i naturally draw very loose and the hard part for me is tightening it up. maybe some suggestions tho...

1) hand excercises. i think its easy to forget this when many artists sit in front of the computer all day but drawing is a physical activity u do with ur actual...bodys...muscles lol. if u feel urself tightening up it might help to strech (any google search for "artist hand excercises" should yield good results) or do a page of loose practice strokes like..big circles. long lines. scribbles. that kinda thing. whatever feels good for ur hand. this is also just good to do as a general warm up before u sit down for any drawing sesh.

2) draw further away from the canvas. as a general rule...when ur painting traditionally you do the big strokes with your whole arm outstreched and a long handled brush. and when you do the details its smaller wrist movements and a shorter handled brush. so it might help to take a step back or push back from ur chair a little.. or hold ur tablet a little further away. and hold your pen further away from the nib.

3) change mediums / brush types. some brushes and mediums are more suited to loose sketching and some more inclined towards detail work. so changing ur tool could help. also! i personally have this problem where sometimes if im using a brush i feel really familiar with the pressure to make a "good" "finished" "perfect" drawing is greater... if i want to force myself to loosen up ill switch to a tool i dont use as often so it feels like the pressure is off. a lot of times for me this is switching from digital to traditional. but sometimes its switching from a small pen to a big marker. or a smooth pen to a textured one. or a nice brush to a shitty dried up marker.

but also every body is different so i dont think these tips will work for everyone. u should listen to what ur body and mind tell u and how drawing feels to you

bro just sign up and set it up i dont think theres much to it... i dont rly think too much abt my itch.io store because its digital goods so u just upload the file and let it do its thing. no distribution work needed on ur part. youll notice i barely even advertise my itch unless i have smth new on there lol.. its easy. but good luck!!!

idk if im the best person to ask this im more a comic fan than i am a comic professional... a comic hobbist.

well. scott mcclouds understanding comics and making comics are good books on the craft. i think i had to buy them for a class in art school once.

other than that idk just keep at it. comics are really laborious i think for a lot of people the hardest part is sitting down and doing it.

i think a lot of people have a very instinctive understanding of how to read comics and what they look like so whatever you think seems like good way to tell the story you have in mind, its probably right. if u get stuck, study comics that have done something similar. most people in comics are relatively self taught and actually it can be problematic bc you can tell when a lot of comic artists are all copying the same like 5 old white guys LMAO. but on the flip side if you make sure to reference and study broadly your comics will almost assuredly feel unique.

sorry im responding to this anyways. this is just a really nice ask. i like when people reference my older work bc i feel like sometimes theyre subtly implying it wasnt very good LMAOOO. but its true! at least compared to the work i make now ^^ and the fact that im still making art is whats keeping me from being embarassed abt how much of my old art just floats around online lmao im never ashamed to be growing and learning. isnt that a nice thought <3

[hertwood]

Please elaborate on ttpd being a sargewood album 👀

hi thank u so much for caring abt the rot in my brain 💖

ok so. mayhaps i am talking out of my ass here, i havent rly fathomed the whole album yet, and there are songs i associate w/ a variety of ships/fic ideas. BUT more songs fic sargewood than any other ship so. allow me to explain.

this is all speculative to taylor swift’s life so its not #confirmed but allegedly this album is abt leaving long term relationship she felt trapped in (joe), and then rebounding in a short term fling (matty). if we look at these songs through the lens of joe=f1 and matty=indycar, therefore kyle, this is how i fathom these songs in a sargewood way.

OBVIOUSLY this does not work for many of the songs, but for the ones it does it is so compelling. also she broke up with matty anyway and he allegedly SUCKS so i’m only rly considering “early relationship” songs here.

Fresh out the slammer is probably the best example: leaving a relationship and immediately knowing where you’re going next. if logan doesn’t have a future in f1, indycar /is/ the place to go, and kyle is his connection. if he gets dropped, you KNOW kyle is one of the first people he’s calling 

Fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to

NEXT SONG lets talk Florida!!! the original song I claimed as sargewood for obvious reasons!! ofc, its great bc Florida is there home state. But if we can go back to joe and matty for one second (i’m sorry)

In So Long, London, London not only represents the place, but also Joe and their relationship. I did not come up with this, but I saw people on tiktok saying that while joe=london, matty=florida. the entire song is abt being trapped monotony of her old life (london/joe) and escaping to the new exciting florida(matty).

this fits logan just as florida proper—he can always go home and relax to take a break from the stress of f1. BUT if u wanna see it in a sargewood way--they can both escape their stressful racing lives, come back to florida, to EACHOTHER. this song makes me insane abt them fr. I also like to hear “fuck me up, florida” as “fuck me in florida” AND YOU CAN TOO

I need to forget, so take me to Florida I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida What a crash, what a rush, fuck me in Florida

LAST SONG i’m using for this thesis, but i’m not ruling out fathoming more as sargewood through the joe=f1 matty=indy/kyle lens. it’s a long ass album, i’m employed, i can only do so much

BUT LETS TALK FORTNIGHT

this fathoming was key to me liking this song. HOWEVER while the last two can be fathomed as sargewood in general, fortnight fits a specific fic idea i have where i need to explain some lore first.

logirlie historians will know how after the 2020 f3 season, logan was in a sort of a limbo career wise before he got the call from williams and we know where it goes from there. in this time he was testing for indy, thinking his european racing career was basically over.

so the fic idea. kyle & logan have always had a bit of a ~non platonic connection~ but neither has acted on it due to the distance etc etc. but in this short period of time (a fortnight, perhaps 👀), when its looking like logan might be heading to indycar, the dam breaks and they have a short fling that is more serious than either will admit after, when it ends when logan goes back to f3.

The ACTUAL fic would be years later, where logan leaves f1 and goes to indycar in 2025(?). years have passed, and they've stayed friends this whole time so it /should/ be fine, but now that the distance is no longer an issue all those old feelings come bubbling right up to the surface. they could, of course, just communicate and get together easy peasy but that wouldn't be a fun fic would it? of COURSE it'd be messy.

I haven't written anything, it's more of just a nebulous concept rn and idk if it'll ever go anywhere but it is ALL i think abt when listening to fortnight. The florida and car reference in the bridge is just the cherry on top

And for a fortnight there, we were forever (Back in 2020/2021, what we had was real)

Run into you sometimes, ask about the weather (We talk sometimes (2021-2024) like it's normal and nothing happened)

Now you're in my backyard, turned into good neighbors (Now (2025) we see each other all the time and pretend it's all platonic)

I love you, it's ruining my life (My career would be so less complicated if you weren't in it)

Move to Florida, buy the car you want But it won't start up 'til you touch, touch, touch me

[easy-revenge]

we need more on the easy revenge and how himeno plays a role in aki’s development please i love her <3 give me the meta i love u thank u

the way y'all are enabling me to be insufferable on main? i love it. its me and my problematic fave against the world. buckle up.

honestly i cant believe i havent talked about easy revenge on here? its my favorite part from himeno's arc and one of my favs for aki as well. so... essay incoming.

gonna start a bit from further back and make some himeno haters mad right off the bat. himeno, in my humble (and correct) opinion, was the person who knew aki better than anyone else. and it has very little to do with how long they knew each other.

himeno knew. she knew that aki wouldn't make it. she knew since before we, as an audience, started observing this story. she knew the harsh but very realistic truth was that aki ultimately was just some guy, and i say that with the unimaginable love i have for him.

he was never special enough. he was never talented enough, strong enough and against popular belief, never driven enough either to kill the gun devil. he gave away his lifespan, he put his life on the line for others every day. he offered to use his sword to save denji, whom he allegedly despised at the time. that's not the behavior of someone who lives for a singular, selfish purpose.

himeno saw him and knew. she knew that if aki was to stand against the gun devil with a sword in hand, he wouldn't make it out alive. she saw him and knew that there were other things he wanted as well.

she was also selfish about it. she wanted him alive and close to her. she wanted them to leave public safety together. she wanted to cup her hands around the dancing little flame that was his shriveling life span and protect it with her life. but selfishness aside, she knew that ultimately it would be the best case scenario for aki as well.

she was proven right. multiple times. after her death. aki admitted to not looking at himself objectively shortly after he lost her, bc he wouldn't have been able to go on otherwise. aki had always been trapped. he'd been set up to fail by the narrative and by makima all along. and even though that was something himeno couldn't know, she was proven correct again when aki died before even getting to look at the gun devil and have a chance to go down fighting.

himeno never told aki that she didn't believe in him. it wasn't something he'd ever be ready to hear, especially while she was still alive. aki wouldn't be able to live without a goal to strive for. he'd clutched at that pipe dream and held on for dear life for too long, gave up too much on his way there. he didn't know how to exist without a finish line to run towards.

but himeno saw him stick gum to a woman's coat for her. she saw him being happy about it. she saw him taking care of power and denji, even though he was aki hayakawa, the devil hunter who hated devils the most. she saw him stare longingly at makima. she felt his breath against her own face as they shared cigarettes.

it rly isnt that hard to see, if u care enough to look. and himeno cared more than enough. aki thought he wanted revenge. it takes a lot of hate in a man's soul to dedicate his life to that. aki was kind. aki cried for his co-workers' deaths. aki wanted to be the big brother he never got to be. he wanted the family he lost. he wanted to save people from things similar to what he went through.

aki deserved to lead a life where his kindness wouldn't put him at a disadvantage.

and that's what himeno wanted for him. even if it wasn't a life he would live by her side, she wanted him to be fulfilled. with her dying breath, she herself left him with a wish he could make come true.

later she'd leave him with a wish he'd at least try to.

easy revenge. small victories. moments of fulfillment. she probably put that cigarette upside down in the packet she died with, for good luck. it's such an honest wish. such a caring one. maybe something himeno would've lived by too if she didn't find her brief fulfilment in addiction.

it seems utterly pointless now. bc aki did die in the hands of the gun devil. he didn't get to protect denji and power. he didn't get to protect angel either. he failed in every way a man can fail bc he didn't escape the narrative. would never have been able to.

personally though, i dont think he would've gotten as close as he did to taking something back if it wasn't for that cigarette. if it wasn't for the remnants of himeno, the mere essence of her having the power to give it to him before dying alongside ghost.

bc he did get a family. he got to be an older brother again. he gave two months he couldn't really spare to save a devil. took the same devil out to eat with him.

he ASKED to leave the gun devil mission to protect his family. to not lose anyone else the way he lost himeno. to not see another loved one of his go in the little time he had left.

he did everything in his power to honor both of himeno's dying wishes. he cried for her when she died and got his easy revenge. at least as much of it as he could.

to me, himeno was vital to aki's development and storyline, both alive and in death. aki deserved a person to know him. to see him. and himeno wasn't perfect, but she was that for him, even if it took him a bit too long to fully realize.

[fecto-forgo]

Zan Partizanne :)

First impression:my amino bestie told me briefly abt her but since i didnt own a switch i ended up getting 3DS team clash, so we immediately went to talking abt taranza lol

Impression now:if the last seven months ever since january 14th havent left this clear enough for anyone i am absolutely utterly obsessed w her.shes my everything my girlie pop my poor little thing my funny mean girl my silly rabbit.if she were in any other franchise shed be up there in utterly inherently doomed characters.shes so lucky shes in the friendship game series.

Favorite moment:i love the silly pose she has going on before her first boss fight, but the cutscene after it is so funny, but also the scene where hyness smacks her away is literally the defining moment in leaving KSAs relationship theme clear.can i say everything i have seen i wanna say everything i have seen

Idea for a story:theres soooo much stuff you can explore w her...her overly attached relationship w hyness, her backstory w the suicide attempt n its relationship to her ending up the most loyal member of a cult, why shes so rude towards others on the official twitter, her postgame development after being in a death cult for god knows how long, her relationship w her sisters seeming a bit one sided depending on how you read her never being bought up when it comes to the other two, shes so cool n interesting i love her.sm to think abt.perfect for autism

Unpopular opinion:i kindaaa.feel ppl take her rly at face value in a way ngl? i feel shes just the "the serious loyal one" in stuff p often (or the mean one but i forgive that bc zan being mean is hilarious) idk the lack of attention to the degree of loyalty she actually has to the point of tolerating anything hyness does to her just annoys me a bit.yeah shes the loyal one but not to a good nice healthy degree !!! (ik its ironic to complain abt how the cult in general is portrayed by fans after ive mostly complained abt the ppl that straight up ignore them but i am annoying n never satisfied X3)

Favorite relationship:from canon its gotta be w hyness.bc its so bad LMAO.absolutely utterly unbalanced n unhealthy, once again the peak of KSAs relationship theme, from kirbys neverending friendship that helped former foes improve as ppl to zans one sided love n loyalty for a man who treats her like garbage bc he saved her years ago.the themes man the themes.he literally sacrifices herself after throwing her n her sisters around like weapons n girl was still there looking for him in the extra mode.the standards r underground for you miss partizanne.

for "would it be cool if they interacted or what?":taranza n susie tbh.taranza parallels her story w hyness through his own w sectonia n susie is the absolute opposite of her, so i think either of them would give a rlyyy interesting conversation.guy who was just a little less loyal to the point of realizing when it had gone too far (tbf it took sectonia trying to kill him.which still leaves taranza w higher standards than zan lmao) n girl who pretended to be loyal so bad when she hated her boss the whole time n took fixing his behavior into her own hands.theyre such a fun little trio of fucked up ppl

Favorite headcanon:instead of a serious one ill just say im never giving up my insistence to draw her w yellow eyes hyness get her n flamberge contacts right fucking now.why do the sisters all share the exact same eye color.susies similar looking n theyre blue too r they part of some blue eyed species whats going on.why r they blue kumazaki why did you do this to me

[frozenflmes]

oh yea i was going 2 give an update on how the vet visit went

vet couldnt find anything physically wrong w ninetales either, n a blood test didnt show anything off or anything weird in her system, so it cant b that she was sedated. did look like she was evolved young but that doesnt explain all the behavior stuff.

she wasnt needleshy or anything. i helped restrain her 4 the blood draw, but she didnt even try 2 move. she just lay there n accepted it. she didnt even get tense or anything. it was kinda just... 2 easy.

i havent even had her long enough 2 kno what her moves r, but when the vet asked me 2 have her do a test of her flame sacs, she just listened wo question rite away. move looked like ember btw.

vet offered her a treat 4 being so good during the visit, but she didnt even react 2 it being held rite in front of her nose. she wasnt even looking at it.

i told her it was ok n she could have it, n it was like she was noticing it 4 the first time. she sniffed at it once gently, but she still didnt take it. vet put it down in front of her in case she was just shy abt taking it from someones hand but that didnt do anything n eventually the vet just put the treat back.

she didnt show any signs of emotion through the whole thing either. not scared by the unfamiliar place, not happy when she was praised or got pets.

idk whats going on w her but i dont like it. smth feels rly rly wrong.

@coverfossils @iheartnimbassacity since u both have pokémon w kinda similar issues

[lionfanged]

❥ and is it me

SALT FEST. / / accepting!

♦ Has someone ever ruined an FC or character for you?

yes i will NEVER look at my favorite character octavo the same ever again. absolutely sabotaged. game ruined. i CANNOT believe u have done this to me.

ANYWAYS yeah actually yes! there was this olympia rper who is a rly popular twit artist now who was just super mean to me and my friends like... almost ten years ago jesus, lol. i even found out later when i was exploring the twit rpc like two years ago that they badmouthed me there too (i made myself a twitter in 2016 but i didnt rly use it until four years ago when i looked for artists to commission lol.)

olympia is not a v popular pkmn character so i don't see her often, but that is a kind of double-edged sword bcuz i still have unpleasant feelings i havent been able to associate w/ something new/positive whenever olympia pop up.

and plumeria, i rly feel weird abt plumeria from pkmn. i had a bad falling out with an rper when asking to end our friendship, resulting in mutual friends attacking me either publicly on the dash or privately in my inbox, and was constantly being vagued/spoken poorly about. i think there was even a confession sent to one of those confession blogs abt me. literally all i did was be like 'i'm not comfortable staying friends for my mental health' and it began a literally year-long hate campaign lol.

otherwise, i can't rly think of anyone else. there were always characters in the pkmn rpc that ppl ALWAYS would be weird about when writing them, and every time a new one would pop up i'd have to squint and be like... are u gonna be a freak like the other ppl, or,

[odysseys-blood]

This is literally the first time ever ill do one of these after being tagged in ig bc i always forgot! anyways got tagged by @taketheringtolohac for a "9 people you want to get to know better" game!

Last Song: Sway - A Trak & AJ Christou ft. Duckwrth

i luv duckwrth and this song is super wavy someone come dance to it with me

Favorite color: Idk what to call it like a wine purple? this thang and similar shades

i also rly like deep reds too. if u ever notice i accidentally tend to use mainly the red-blue portion of the color wheel in art and its not a concious decision either it just kinda happens and i try to steer away from it every once in a while and it never sticks.

Currently Watching: nothing rly!

it takes me forever to start watching things and get through them. The last series i finished I think were Witchblade and Link Click abt a month or so ago. I was also planning to watch yuri kuma sometime soon bc i remembered ppl posting about it but i never watched it while it was airing, as well as a rewatch of banana fish bc my brother brought it up bc he was using it as a topic for his paper recently????? i dont even know why he knows it but oh. well i guess. was also gonna watch mignon but the art style is getting me and my city hunter plans have been dashed by the sheer volume of episodes scaring me for now

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: i like them all!

not sure i rly prefer one over the others but i like to bake so maybe sweet. did you know my baking enemy is cookies idk what it is but if im making my own from scratch somehow they always turn out wrong. fav thing to bake is cinnamon rolls i just havent done any in a while bc they take so long (also bc i wanna do peach cobbler style cinnamon rolls which ive done before! but that takes extra long bc of the extra toppings you have to make)

Relationship Status: who want me

Current Obsession: ok prefacing this with these r not good games and im gonna censor the names so they dont show up in tags

i got into some eroge gacha named wh*t in hell is bad back in october and it has not let up since. i filled an entire sketchbook almost w/ doodles of my mc. also replayed through nu c*rnival recently bc they added voice overs for almost the entire game for the second anniversary (ive been playing since maybe 3 months after its release). everything is on the backburner to me rn besides these games and maybe the everyday maintenance of shinozaki bc im thinking abt finishing it bc i love it. anyways forget abt those last two and look at shinozaki

Last Thing You Searched: list of mythical weapons

this was not for anything important except that i rly wanna get a black cat and name it excalibur (nicknamed cali for short). however excalibur is exclusively for if i get the litte black kitty of my dreams but if i get a cat w/ another coat eventually i have to pick a different name so i was brainstorming.

i didnt think this was so long (///￣ ￣///)

anyways ill tag @meicheesecake @feluka @beepiiboop @nil-number @theunstablejester @luminousrabbittt @scamoosh @tilapiamafia and im forgetting names but if u wanna do one then tag ur it ☆〜（ゝ。∂ )

[laurzvahll]

for the rockstar phos au, what's the equivalent of the winter arc here? whats going to happen to antarc, and will it give phos ptsd and hallucinations like in canon?

HELLO ANON!! Thank u for the ask😆😆 answering from my phone rn because I didn’t want to wait.

This post might get long so im gonna cut it here

ALRIGHT, a little bit on Antarc and the winter arc. Just a warning that characters might be a little ooc im trying my best LOL. This isn’t 100% set in stone, and if people have better suggestions or ideas I will be very glad to hear them considering I just thought of this AU for funsies so the routes I made up may not be the best there are. If that makes sense.

So, initially I wanted Phos to be invited by Dia to a holiday party or maybe just a normal house party towards the beginning of December. All the college gems are celebrating being on winter break and whatnot. Phos goes because I don’t think Phos would reject a party invite, but also because it’s mentioned that there’s a possibility Cinnabar might be there. Spoiler alert, Cinnabar is in fact not at the party. But it’s okay because Phos takes this as an opportunity to get to know others more. They’re having quite a bit of fun, but once the other ‘gems’ start asking if they’re going to submit their college application and join them, Phos avoids the questions and decided to ask Dia if there’s a quiet room where they could take a quick break.

Dia leads Phos to the room and Phos closes the door behind them, only to realize there’s already someone else there too! And this is none other than Antarc, who im thinking of making some sort of exchange student to explain why they’re only around some months of the year. Phos sits down somewhere and wants to start a conversation but Antarc looks very busy (on their phone, totally busy). But Phos starts talking anyway after being bored for a couple seconds, and while Antarc is very hesitant at first, it’s not long before they both end up moving to a small couch in the room to continue their conversation. I’d like to think they talked for hours, Phos doing most of the talking ofc but Antarc seemed content with it. At some point, Dia comes back in surprise to see them still here and lets them know that the party is over. Phos says they better walk back to their apartment, and Antarc offers to walk them so Phos wouldnt have to walk home alone at like 3 in the morning. So they walk to Phos's apartment and Phos offers to exchange numbers. And thats pretty much how their first meeting goes! :3

I have a bunch of little scenarios thought out for the time they spent together but i dont want the post to get tooo long so just know that im thinking Phos's help towards Antarc's 'work' would be helping Antarc write a song maybe perhaps NOT TOO SURE YET but i do want this AU to revolve a lot around music :p

As for what happens to Antarc, (THIS MAY CHANGE) sorry guys but in my AU i am NOT letting Antarc die i cannnottt. But i Will let Phos believe Antarc is absolutely dead. The only reason im not letting them die completely is bc i want them to come back like at the end of canon where theyre turned into a lunarian. Im not entirely sure how im going to go about it, but theres going to be an incident where Phos and Antarc will get hurt, and Phos will only be able to watch unable to help Antarc at all just like in canon. Antarc is going to disappear, most likely to a hospital lawl, and the accident will make them have to go back home without Phos even knowing if they survived. For a reason i havent yet decided, Phos's texts cant reach Antarc either so that rly makes them believe Antarc issss x_x.

Phos's mental health plummets, their guilt is immense and they start not being able to sleep because when they do sleep their dreams are filled with that accident replaying over and over. They always believe to see Antarc out of the corner of their eye, and they do have full on hallucinations like in canon and their ptsd, i will not erase that important part of their character 🙏

Thats pretty much it for now sorry this is so long i rly didnt think it was gonna be this long LMAOOO. thank u sm for the ask im very happy to be able to talk about my AU xP

[the-incorrect-quotes-show]

Who are your other least favorites in this show? And why?

gonna make a tear list hting for this (probbly not all them but still)

eclipse: do i have to say why?

glamrock bonnie: not really too fond of his voice or his design, i havent seen much of gb&gts thiugh so that might factor in

funtime freddy: again dont like his voice (not anything against the va cuz they voice both of them, just not too fond of their voices), too dumb even for me

glitchtrap: havent rly seen their show again, dont rly like him either thiugh

gregory: fuck children. most of my complaints with a lot of these dudes are their voices, and its no different for him. he is obviously a grown man using a voice filter, they shouldve gotten the mcrp va for their gregory tbh

freddy: hes kinda meh tbh, althiugh i probably cant say that because the anon might kill me fr

circus baby: quitr like her tbh! not my favorite of the shows but still decent

roxanne: same that i said for baby

sun: i like him, though probabky not my favoirte of the celesial siblings (minus eclipse ofc). need to give him a hug

moon: i like him too, also need to give him a hug

bloodmoon: theyre a funky little dude who could easily kill me, also i think theyre model is neat!!

lunar: need i say more? youve looked at this blog for long enough probably, my header is local lunar lover, i love him

[eirian]

me and ruby had a long talk last night abt making woman ocs and i think im more prepared mentally to grasp how to start making more women

i thought about how i have over 1.2k ocs (real) and 90% of them are guys in some way (either cis or trans/nonbinary) and how All of my stories are headed by guys (even the magical girl story i have is mc'd by a dude. like what even) and i was just like. damn. i really fucking need more girls LOL

the reason Why ive made ocs like that for so long though is bc ive been projecting my gender and gender envy and aesthetic attraction onto them. for a long time ive identified as transmasc, and i reflected that in my ocs. but now im coming to a point where i no longer identify as transmasc and am exploring a more feminine aspect of my identity, and i want to break free from my habit of making Only Dudes and maybe add a little more representation to my oc horde!

my aesthetic attraction to men was a big problem w all this tbh, i love the shape and Look of masculinity, but im starting to think that i love that in women too? i designed two girls recently and they were super masc and i was like [eyes emoji] at them so hard lol. i think i might just like masc women lmfao. but yeah

another problem i need to work on and break out of is how like..because there arent a lot of well-written, interesting woman characters out there, i havent rly been exposed to a lot of them, and my "image" of a woman character is very "for the male gaze" still. like stereotypical skinny girl with curves and big bahonkas. while that is what some women look like, yes, its definitely still a design that caters to the straight guy and id like to move away from that. an anon once told me that ppl can look like anything and i want to implement that into my designs--i thought i was already doing this but apparently i had been trained to see women a certain way physically and i wasnt doing that philosophy justice at all!

so here's where im gonna start. im gonna take the personalities of guy characters i rly like and just slap them onto a woman. not a genderbend, no, but like..this personality, as a woman. yknow? i think i'll be able to better make women that way!

my next ocs are def gonna be women just you wait

[toestalucia]

msq lines about captain & loki's journeys i was supposed to post a billion yrs ago but only went to grab now :D yippe(through tears)

Loki: There is no beginning without an end. In other words, to begin means that the ending draws ever nearer. You know, I'm kind of relieved. Relieved to know that my journey's coming to an end. Fenrir: No way are you okay with that… Whaddya mean the journey's gonna end! Just like you decided when to start, you get to decide when to end it! Because it sure as hell ain't much of a "journey" if you're just letting yourself get swept up every which way!

Katalina: Whatever happens to the world now, you're no doubt going to continue playing a large role in it. But regardless of that, I'd like for you to continue your journey. Ever since I took you out of Zinkenstill, it's the one thing I've always wished you could focus more on. Instead of having to respond to the world's every whim, maybe consider your own journey sometimes…

when they started having loki wishing to see what captain&his brother saw i nvr thought we'd end up Here. loki definitely always has just been going around for the ride, taking the emperor spot he said he did cuz he wanted to annoy freesia (long theory about him grieving his brother also played a part), pushing the crew to nalhegrande seemed implied to be something true king wanted (even though in that line he's nooot happy theyre separated. i rly do think loki had plans for it, even tho theyve still havent gone into loki & true king's prior meetings). i feel wanting mikaboshi freed from the great wall is like one of the few times he Rly went for it. either way (ill get into these things more some other time), loki who wished to see the scenery others saw and struggling to look forward, getting a ship, getting members for a crew, and then..........? oarlyegrande was probably the worst time for it anyway knowing what goes on, but.....

lokis journey vs captains journey, who goes from fighting freesia to avoid the world being rewritten, to fighting true kings plans to avoid the great wall falling into his hands, to joining a rebellion in oarlyegrande against true king (who also was revealed to have attacked zinkenstill and kidnapped their aunt in the past), to fighting the otherworld cuz if they dont its joever......

?

'consider your own journey sometimes'

god

guy who doesnt know what he wants & guy who cant say no to the world. also both guys who has stated they'd go against fate itself to get their will through (loki when talking to the astral at edgelands, captain when meeting bahamut when almost dying again due to lyria being far away (in the otherworld))

Violet Knight: So I'm truly grateful that you fight for the sake of the skies. On the other hand, you've gained too much influence. It's not a good idea to entrust the peace of the Sky Realms to a single pair of hands. Even if you could do it, doesn't mean you should.

goes hand-in-hand with this. as well as the yuni&cosmos anni about captain's role as the singularity. (not to mention the fact msq timeline captain uhhhhh. yknow! with how it ended! where do i even start!). but also violet knight saying this when true king is singlehandedly trying to save the skies too......shoves the role onto captain so he can do stuff from the sidelines cuz otherworld inference in our timeline......

Violet Knight: You say that now, but how far would you go to save a friend? I have to wonder where you draw the line. Let's say—and I'm speaking hypothetically here—sacrifices have to be made in order to save you friends. What would you do? what if those sacrifices included me and my family? Rosetta: Well— Violet Knight: You see? No hesitation at all. Look, you're more than welcome to put your priorities first. If we swapped places and I had to choose, I'd throw you to the wolves. That's the beauty of power: choice. The right to choose what to protect and what to reject. The world is your oyster. Second-rate folks get the opposite treatment. They don't even get the chance to choose. Not out of maliciousness, mind you. That's just how it goes. Makes you nervous when I put it that way, doesn't it? It's not a novel concept, nor is it strictly limited to physical power.

haha. hehe. hahahahahah... freesia who we fought so she couldnt rewrite history using akasha. we who are about to try to revive what the otherworld killed. (noa voice) well theres the fizzure in the sky and thats not normal and we should fix that anyway so

i forgot he spoke about 'how far would u go to save a friend' im gonna combust. i was thinking a lot about that one line in maquia too....'why didnt time stop for you'. the way they make a point to show every island suffered but its citizens are doing its best to keep going. cain whos grieving leona and reinhardtzar. vira whos grieving katalina. captain, lyria and vyrn who cant seem to move forward. im glad they didnt show us tzaka reacting to io (assuming tzakas alive), cuz that would have broken me. like it haunts me cuz theyre always trying sooo hard to keep going, but after losing the crew (and i fear for everyone who has not been shown onscreen) and having to grieve this many ppl, to the point where captain loses sight of estalucia too??? man.

i think its fine for us to go try to undo all the damage the otherworld did, one timeline is completely destroyed anyway. everyone died there too. captain died there. but thinking about how its shifting too 'lets go to estalucia cuz theres rumor it can grant wishes' and how estalucia & the boundary....... as well as how og god is there...... i have sooo many thoughts about it. like i appreciate noa trying to steer it in the 'we need to get rid of the crack in the sky the otherworld created' direction but we r going there to revive ppl. cuz we dont want to move on. im going to combust pt2. im enjoying myself sm its unreal