#and have likely been apart of the irl community even before then

[dyketubbo]

girl help my silly post that got some attention not only has a typo but has also found its way on a blog of someone whose ideologies i fundamentally disagree with

[gloomwitchwrites]

Break Up with Your Toxic Boyfriend (4 of 4)

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Female Reader

Content & Warnings: brief discussion of verbal, emotional, and physical injury canon-typical swearing, protective Simon, unprotected piv (wrap it up irl), creampie

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Part of the Imagines & What If Series

You might not be his anymore, but Ghost doesn't believe so. When you reach out to him, Ghost makes every excuse to come over, knowing that he can get you back if you just realize that you've always only been his.

ao3 // taglist // main masterlist // break up with your toxic boyfriend masterlist

Simon stands in the middle of your living room.

He is blood-drenched. Lead-hungry.

Full of venom. Full of fury.

His gaze sweeps over the busted television, the broken bookshelves, and the massive hole in the wall. There are bent picture frames empty of their glass. The photos within are either missing or partially torn. Whiskey stains the wall, running down from the impact point in little ribbons of amber.

Simon’s hands curl into fists.

This is so much fucking worse than what he originally thought. The living room doesn’t even scratch the surface. The kitchen is completely trashed, so is your bedroom where your boyfriend decided to shred up your clothes in anger.

Your… “boyfriend.”

That fucker should be grateful he isn’t here to face Simon. If he were, Simon would make him suffer. Make the prick eat his teeth.

On the phone, you were delirious, each word running together anger, frustration, and a fear that Simon felt in his gut. It sat heavy in his ears. That was enough for Simon to forget all responsibility and come to you.

Otherwise, Simon would not have come. You are not his woman anymore. That obligation to comfort doesn’t belong to him. It belongs to your boyfriend, but he’s the cause of all this suffering.

Why should you seek that bastard out?

No. Simon is glad you called him even though the circumstances turn his stomach and fill his veins with sludge.

He turns around and finds you lingering nearby. Your eyes are red with irritation, and your cheeks are puffy. Simon longs to pull you into his arms, yet hesitates only because you might push him away.

Simon unclenches his hands, flexing his fingers. “You’re breaking up with him.”

He’s not going to step around or sugar-coat this. Simon has always been blunt with his words, and this will be no different.

Your back straightens, hands clasped in front of you, fingers curled around the neckline of your sweater. “Simon—”

“It’s not a suggestion.” Simon lifts his arm, indicating the disaster of an apartment. “This is who he is. This will happen again.” He drops his arm.

Your chest expands. Deflates. “But—”

“Don’t defend him.”

“I’m not,” you snap.

Simon strides forward but you do not retreat. You stand tall, staring up into Simon’s face. Though your cheeks are stained with your tears, you’re beautiful.

“Next time it won’t be the wall or your television. It will be you he hurts.” Simon shakes his head. “And I won’t allow that.” You open your mouth as if to interrupt but Simon is having none of that. “I’ll kill him before that happens.”

“No. You won’t.”

“I will,” he growls. “I’ve never lied to you. Think I’m lying about this?”

Simon watches your throat bob as you swallow. He knows you understand. Fucking hell, he might be distant at times, even cold or blunt, but he never lies to you. Simon has always told you exactly what’s on his mind. Sometimes it has been to his detriment.

It is one of the reasons the two of you broke up. Simon didn’t want to end things. He respected your wishes, but even upon leaving, Simon still considered you his. The issue was with him and how he communicated with you about things. Emotionally, he was fucking distant. Not all the time, but enough that it seemed like he didn’t care.

That’s far from the truth, but Simon didn’t see any of it until you put it all out in front of him and decided to leave. Only then did he realize, and he did fucking everything to work on himself.

Fresh tears develop in the undersides of your eyelids. That’s it for him. It’s over.

Simon moves in, clasping the sides of your face with both hands. “Do you understand?” he asks softly, wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

You don’t nod or even make a sound.

It’s not enough. Simon needs confirmation.

“He will escalate. He will get worse. You will be a target. Tell me you understand.”

There is a sniffle before you speak. “I know,” you whisper, voice cracking slightly.

Simon sighs and wraps his arms around you, pulling you against his chest. You’re warm. A beacon of light in the disaster of a room. He leans in, pressing his cheek to the top of your head. He inhales and his lung fill with you.

With a final squeeze, Simon places a kiss to the crown of your head. He pulls back, but just enough to look at you. “I’ll clean up.”

“I can help.”

Simon shakes his head. “No. Sit. I want to do this for you.”

Your brow softens, arms falling away from him as you step back and glide to the sofa.

Simon tackles the bedroom first, shoving all your damaged clothes into trash bags. He organizes everything, making sure nothing is out of place, that it appears as it did before your boyfriend trashed it all. When he’s done, Simon returns to you, putting you to bed.

“Don’t leave,” you murmur, and Simon doesn’t. He curls up next to you, holds you until your breathing becomes shallow and slow.

Only then does Simon unfurl himself, slipping away. He doesn’t leave the flat. He shuts the bedroom door and gets to work, picking up the shattered glass, sending the television to the large rubbish bin. He orders you a new one and schedules it for delivery. He sweeps the floor and returns everything to your kitchen cabinets. Anything that is torn or broken gets trashed. Simon works through your clothes last. Sitting on the living room floor, Simon shifts through every one, trying to see if anything is salvageable. Most of it is, but there is plenty he has to toss.

Simon works until there is nothing left. It’s incredibly late, the time creeping close to the rising of the sun. Returning to the bedroom, Simon kicks off his shoes and removes the balaclava. You’ve seen his face countless times, and showing it now is normal.

When Simon slips into the bed beside you, and your body shifts, turning in his direction. He slides over into your reaching arms. The moment your bodies come together, you sigh with pleasure, and the noise goes straight to his groin.

But Simon won’t. He won’t push. This is not about him.

Sleep floods in, and it is your soft hands caressing his face that eventually wake him.

“Good morning,” he murmurs, voice harsh from dreaming.

“Morning, Simon,” you reply, resting your chin on his chest.

This is how mornings used to be. It sends Simon into memory and the days when he knew he was in love.

Was?

No.

Is. He still is. He still loves you utterly. That never stopped for him.

Your hands are not idle. After caressing his face, they move downward. The shift in your motions sends little shivers through his spine. They are visible and sharp. You inhale, and Simon begins to lean in. You mimic him but pause before your mouths can meet.

“Do you have to go?”

Simon captures one of your wrists with his hand, caressing the pulse point there with his thumb. “I can stay as long as you like.”

The smile that spreads across your face warms him everywhere. He wants to savor it forever. Your gaze drops from his eyes to his mouth. Then, your head shifts to glance at his chest and stomach. He might be wearing a shirt but Simon feels bare under your attention.

As your gaze returns to his face, Simon’s resolve melts away.

Fuck it. He’s doing this.

Grabbing the back of your neck, Simon closes the distance, pressing his lips to yours. There is no hesitation or resistance. You melt into him, and Simon has to hold back a moan. Every kiss is tender. Sweet. He’s missed this—missed you so fucking much it’s a raging inferno under his skin.

There is no part he leaves untouched. His hands roam everywhere, seeking closeness. Seeking your warmth.

“Simon,” you whimper against his mouth.

“I’m right here, love.”

You push upward, swinging your leg over his body, straddling him. Simon is momentarily stunned but you’re already returning to him, pressing you lips to his. He groans and grips your neck harder as your hips rolls against him.

“Simon,” you repeat, and his name on your lips is shifting him around, turning his insides out, revealing all his weaknesses.

His hands and your hands tug and pull. Moving clothing. Shoving bedding aside. When you start to sink down on him, Simon has to break the frantic kissing to breathe deep, to praise you in all the ways he knows how.

Your hands are solid against his chest. An anchor as you rock back and forth.

“Fuck,” he groans.

“Fuck,” he repeats, elongated the vowel as your pussy lightly squeezes him.

Above him, the air from your lungs releases from you in little sighs that creep into his ears and burrow in the folds of his brain. They are collected there. Remembered.

Using his grip on the back of your neck, Simon pulls you right back in, claiming your mouth. You open for him perfectly, your hips momentarily stalling as all your attention shifts to this one connection.

But Simon needs that movement. He craves it like the birds need the wind.

Wrapping his free arm around your waist, Simon flips you onto your back. There is no pause between the time Simon flips you and when he starts to thrust. It is instant. An impulse. A driving force that overcomes him.

Your fingers claw at his back, your legs hooking around the backs of his thighs, drawing him closer. If that is what you want, Simon will do it. Happily.

Pressing his forehead to yours, the two of you exchange breaths. The bed strikes the wall in repeated thuds, pleasure pooling in the base of Simon’s spine.

“Don’t—” You inhale. Exhale. “Stop.”

Growling, Simon presses his mouth to your neck, his pace increasing until his thrusting becomes an erratic, desperate thing. He hears you moaning, feels your pussy clenching down to keep him inside.

It’s too fucking much.

Simon’s own release roils up from the depths. His hips grind forward, creating a seal as he comes. His entire body shivers as one of your hands cradles his cheek. The touch is so soft he almost doesn’t recognize it at first.

But then you curl your fingers under his chin, guiding his face away from your neck to stare into your eyes. He starts to pull away, but your feet stay locked over the back of his legs, keeping him inside you.

Simon smirks.

He has you.

It might not be perfect or even solid, but he has his way in.

You haven’t said it, but you don’t need to.

You are his.

taglist:

@glassgulls @km-ffluv @glitterypirateduck @tiredmetalenthusiast @spicyspicyliving @childofyuggoth @miaraei @coffeecaketornado @wren5650 @aykxz98 @kayden666 @36namey @miss-mistinguett @keiva1000 @cherryofdeath @pertinentpostmortem @enfppuff @kittytiddywinks @cinnabeanz @berarenado @saoirse06 @ninman82 @no-oneelsebutnsu @marispunk @thewulf @hayleybarnesx @lxblm @ferns-fics @ooldcardigan @beebeechaos @enarien @xxkay15xx @sw33tsnow @kessi-21 @makayla-666 @lifes-project @burn1ngw00d @heeheehoohoohahahihi @lulurubberduckie @ravenpoe67 @jade1605 @contractedcriteria @lovely-ateez @gingergirl06 @kidd3ath @leed-bbg @blackhawkfanatic @suhmie

[virtualvault]

Skip to Dessert

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x fem!reader

Summary: Having gotten into an argument with Miguel before dinner, you both find a way to let out your frustration.

Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, 18+ ONLY, afab reader, mentions of previous argument/ bickering, teasing, flirting with a stranger, flashing a stranger( he sees your underwear, waiter is kind of a perv/creep, exhibitionism(kind of), getting caught in the act, oral (f and m receiving) spanking, begging, dirt talk, rough sex ( let me know if I missed anything)

WC: 3.8K

A/N: Completely stopped writing for over a month. Oops. But I got the inspiration to write again so I decided to finish this Miguel fic that's been sitting half-finished for months. Enjoy!! Also, PSA, don't flash strangers or involve them in your sexual escapades unless you have their consent. Tried to write the waiter character like he was a creep who enjoyed it and this is fiction so no harm done, but please don't do that irl.

The tension in the car is palpable, but not the good kind of tension. Not the kind where lust and desire hang heavy in the air, where you can't bear to be apart even though you're right next to each other. Not the kind where you can't keep your hands off of each other and the temptation to pull over and submit to your desires right then and there feels impossible to resist.

On any other date night, this would be the norm, but tonight, a different tension is felt between you and Miguel. Residual feelings of frustration and annoyance brought on by the argument you two had back at the apartment. The disagreement was petty. Nothing that a little healthy communication couldn't resolve. But the incredibly stressful and tiring day you two had had both of your patience hanging on by a thread, and it was just a matter of time before one of you snapped. This time it just so happened to be you. 

You were both looking forward to finally spending some quality time together, considering both yours and Miguel's schedules are so hectic. But any bit of excitement you had vanished as you walked into your shared bathroom and tripped over the pile of clothes he left in the middle of the floor. You came to find out about this little habit of his when you first moved in together. You had brought it up to him, expressing your annoyance, and asked him to try and be mindful about it. He made a genuine effort to stop, only reverting to his old ways when he was in a rush or had a million things on his mind. Today seemed to be one of those days.

You growled annoyedly, and the second he walks through the bedroom door, you get on him about it. Was it right to take your frustration out on him? No. But you couldn't help it. He clearly wasn't in the best mood either, as he marched after you when you stormed off and started arguing right back. You two spent the next ten minutes bickering and even continued to mumble angrily to yourselves and throw around passive-aggressive comments as you got ready to go to dinner. 

It was a terrible way to start date night, but as you sat side by side in the car and the negative emotions started to dissipate, you both realized how silly it had all been, and you didn't want to let it ruin your night, not knowing the next time you'd be able to go out like this.

Although the irritation you were feeling earlier had subsided, you couldn't resist messing with him. Usually, when you get into petty disagreements, you both end up in bed, letting out your frustrations and subsequently making up by fucking each other silly. But you had reservations that had been made months in advance that you did not want to miss, leaving you with pent-up frustration, so you decide to find other means of letting it out. 

You plan to do that by pushing his buttons in hopes that he'll drag you off somewhere to fuck the attitude right out of you. As you peruse the menu, you begin contemplating different ways you could rile him up until you realize the perfect opportunity to do so is standing at the table, filling your water glass.

Conveniently, the waiter has been flirting with you from the very first moment he walked up to the table, something both you and Miguel picked up on, and it's safe to say your boyfriend is not thrilled about it. Normally, you wouldn't be either, but in this case, it's working to your advantage.

As he fills your glass, he doesn't even look you in the eyes, opting instead to stare directly at your chest. Any other time, you’d tell him off for being a creep, but you see Miguel staring daggers at him, and that makes you want to egg him on further. You notice his reaction out of the corner of your eye, but the waiter doesn't seem to. Now that you think about it, he hasn't acknowledged Miguel once, his gaze only straying from you long enough for him to fill the other glass before he's looking back at you.

You proceed to ask him a question about the menu, all while pushing your tits up on the table and giving him a full view down your blouse. He doesn’t try to hide the fact that he's shamelessly ogling your cleavage and, again, neglects to make eye contact with you as he answers your question. You giggle at everything he says, and you can see Miguel roll his eyes as you do so. After chatting with you longer than your boyfriend, or you presume even management, would deem necessary, he quickly jots down your orders and walks away. 

When he's out of earshot, Miguel asks, “What are you doing?”, looking unimpressed and letting you know he’s on to your little game. But you don’t care.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m being polite to our waiter. You should try it,” you answer, feigning ignorance.

He scoffs, “Polite? Yeah. Polite means saying please and thank you, not giving him a good look down your shirt and letting him fuck you with his eyes.”

“I can’t control what he does. It's not my fault he can’t resist sneaking a peek. You do the same thing,” you respond, raising one brow as you see his eyes fall to your chest, proving your point.

His eyes move back up quickly, and he says, "Well, I also fuck you till you can’t walk. You want to let him do that too?” 

His question has your mind conjuring up the memory of just last weekend when he gave it to you so good that you spent the next day recovering in bed. You remember the delicious ache he left you with, and you press your thighs together at the thought. 

“Maybe I should. If he’s capable of picking up after himself, I’d get down on my knees for him right now,” you sass. Knowing he won't let that slide, you wait for his reaction. He slams his hand on the table, not hard enough to draw the attention of the other patrons, but it got yours. 

“I said I'm sorry, ok? I was rushing out of the house this morning and I wasn't thinking. Will you just let it go?” He asks, the frustration clear in his voice. 

You playfully roll your eyes and try not to smile. You’re not upset anymore, and honestly, you weren't to begin with. You were just agitated because you had a particularly hard day at work. You just can’t help but push his buttons. You wouldn't taunt him like this if it wasn't something he does to you all the time. He's even admitted that he likes messing with you, riling you up just to see you wear that cute little annoyed pout on your face. So, you’re just giving him a taste of his own medicine.

“Fine. I shouldn’t be giving him a show. But how about you?” You ask in a sultry tone as you run your foot up his leg and lean forward, giving him the same view you gave the waiter just moments ago. 

He licks his lips at the sight. “Fuck, you look so good in that dress. Too bad I'm going to have to rip it off you,” he says, reaching down to your foot that has made its way to the inside of his thigh, and he softly caresses your ankle.

“You tear it, you die,” you warn. This dress was expensive, and you’d like to wear it more than once. You've lost more clothes than you can count to his lack of patience.

He chuckles. “Ok. Pull it off of you,” he corrects himself.

“I don’t know if I can wait,” you whine and glance over at the bathroom, mentally calculating if you'd have enough time to sneak off without anyone noticing.

“No, not after last time,” he replies, shaking his head and smiling at the memory. You two had been just a little too loud, and as you walked out, you were met with a very concerned hostess who came to make sure everything was alright.

You pout but agree; you’d like to save yourself from that embarrassment again. You decide to give him a view of what he's missing out on and spread your legs and pull up your dress, prompting Miguel to glance under the table. He spots the bright red mesh panties he had recently bought you but has yet to see you wear. 

“Naughty, naughty,” he says, shaking his head, but it takes everything in him to pull his eyes away as the waiter comes back, carrying your food. 

“Here you go.” He sets your plates down, Miguel’s first and then yours, and he smiles down at you, this time hungrily eyeing your lips.

You can see the anger on Miguel's face, and the brattiness bubbles up inside you again. You move your hand and knock your fork under the table, feigning an “oops.” 

“I’ve got it, miss.” Your waiter quickly offers and squats, moving to reach under the table. Legs still spread, he’s met with your clothed mound, and he stops in his tracks, lingering under the table.

Realizing what’s happening, Miguel uses his foot to push your knees together, blocking the waiter's view, and he retreats from under the table. The guy must not sense Miguel's anger, or he simply doesn’t care, because when you thank him for picking it up, he replies, “No problem, beautiful, I'll go get you another one.” He then places his hand on your arm while shooting you a wink. 

Miguel, having had enough of this little display, stands up, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a wad of cash. He proceeds to shove it into the waiter's chest, and the guy almost topples over. 

“Keep the change,” he grumbles and pulls you from your seat, guiding you out of the restaurant with his hand placed firmly on your lower back. 

“Decided to push your luck, huh?” He says as he opens the door to the back seat and pushes you inside. “Big mistake.” 

After shutting the door behind himself, he cages you in against the seat and begins grinding himself against you. Even through the layers of clothing, the friction feels divine, and your breath hitches.

“I can’t keep people from looking,” you try to reason, hoping you haven't genuinely upset Miguel. But judging by the way his hands run up and down your body, grabbing every slope and curve, it seems like you've garnered the reaction you'd been hoping for.

He kisses your neck and chest, moving down your body at a maddeningly slow pace, and continues to speak as he does so. 

“I’m not jealous because I know he wants to get with you. I love when you show your body off and all the looks you get. I get to see people crave so desperately for something they can’t have, for something only I can have.”

You feel your skin warming up, not only under his touch but at his confession. You know deep down he's never genuinely jealous. You've made it abundantly clear that you are his and that he is yours, and nothing and no one would ever come between the two of you. But knowing a part of him gets off on seeing other people staring at you or hitting on you all while knowing they'd never have a chance turns you on even more.

He finally gets down between your legs and slowly starts lifting your dress. He begins kissing and nipping at the newly exposed flesh of your thighs.

“What I didn’t like was the way he disrespected you by acting like a little perv. He’s at work for god's sake, and he has the nerve to be staring down your shirt and touching you. He’s lucky I didn’t reach over and break his wrists,” he says through gritted teeth as the image of the stranger touching you flashes in his mind and rekindles his anger.

The sentiment that he was more upset at the fact that the man was being touchy with you, which did make you uncomfortable and was unprofessional to say the least, was what upset him rather than a territorial thing did warm your heart. But the warmth blooming in your chest quickly relocates to your core as he places kisses across your panty-clad center.

"I'm not thrilled he got a glimpse of these," he comments as he massages you through the fabric. You hum at his touch.

"Maybe he wanted a taste," you tease and angle your hips closer to his face.

"If he tried that, he would’ve come out from under the table without any teeth," he threatens, and you know he isn't kidding.

“And a heel in his eye,” you add, disgusted at the thought of that creep trying anything on you.

He chuckles and slips your underwear off, and you hear a soft hum as he's faced with the sight he's been longing for. He momentarily drags his fingers through your folds, saying, “I can’t say I blame him for wanting a peek, though,” and then he dives in.

His skilled tongue has you cumming on his face quicker than you'd thought possible. As you come down, he's lifting his head, and you see your arousal dripping down his chin. The sight has you grabbing for him, and you pull him up to you. You lick up his chin and then capture his lips in a kiss, moaning at the taste of yourself on his tongue. 

You take advantage, as he's left a bit dazed by the heated kiss, and push him into a seated position with his back against the door. You hurriedly place yourself between his thighs, mirroring his position between yours. You undo his belt and pull him out. Always impressed with his size, you eye his length hungrily.

“Think he’s as big as you?” you ask, already knowing the answer, and begin stroking him slowly.

 He lets out a dry laugh, then says, “Not a chance.” 

The cocky tone with which he says it and the smirk on his face would make you cringe if it were anybody else, but you know he can back it up.

“He'd leave you disappointed, I know it. You can tell just by the way the little weasel carries himself,” he says, and there’s no doubt in your mind that he’s right.

Not able to resist any longer, you take him in your mouth. You grab him at the base and start moving your hand in tandem with your mouth, stroking up and down his dick while dragging your tongue on the underside of his length.

His head falls back and rests against the window as he gets lost in the feeling, bucking his hips every time you come up and swirl your tongue around his tip. His breathing starts getting ragged, and he gently pulls you off him. He holds you by your hair and brings your mouth to his; the kiss isn't too rough but is still filled with need.

You pull away and quickly shuffle onto all fours, facing the opposite window. He sits back, allowing you to position yourself comfortably, and appreciates the view as your ass sticks in the air. As you sink down onto your elbows, you teasingly wiggle your hips, and he smiles and grabs at the jiggling flesh before giving your ass a quick slap.

He positions himself behind you and begins rubbing his tip through your folds, repeatedly catching on your entrance, but doesn’t enter you like you desperately want him to. You whine, so he begins pushing his thick cock into you, but doesn’t get any further than his tip before he’s pulling out and rubbing his length through your folds once more.

He does this repeatedly, and not being able to take his teasing any longer, you whine, “Give it to me. Or should I go get what’s-his-name to do it for you?“

You suck in a harsh breath as he fully sheaths himself in you in one quick motion, and you feel your walls stretch around him. “Is that what you want?” he asks. 

“Mmhmm,” you reply, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth as he begins moving slowly, allowing you to adjust to his size. When you begin reaching for him to get him to move faster, he knows you’re ready. He grips your hips and gives you faster, deeper thrusts that pull moans from both of you each time he bottoms out.

You both begin feeling the stress of the day melt away, adding to the mix of pleasure. The fatigue from the long day, and the never-ending problems and drama at work, and even the tension from the argument fade away as the pleasure overtakes both of you.

Your quick, shallow breaths and the way your toes curl let him know you’re getting close, and he reaches underneath you to start toying with your clit. This pushes you over the edge, and Miguel groans as he feels you pulsing around him.

He continues swirling his fingers around your clit to help you ride out your high, and you already feel your next climax building. You feel him begin to slow down and fuck into you at a gentler pace. Needing those deep thrusts back, you find yourself begging him to go faster.

“No, don’t stop! More, please. Please!” You plead as you reach behind you to grab the back of his thigh, urging him on.

He chuckles at the desperate tone in your voice. He pushes you down by your shoulders until your body is flush against the seat and then hikes your right leg up. As he’s shifting you into position, he says, “That boy wouldn’t know what to do with a woman like you. Look at you; you’re insatiable.”

You let out a sigh at the new position, his dick reaching deeper and his tip dragging along that spot inside you that has you squirming. Heeding your request, his pace quickens. His breathing quickens as well, making his impending release evident, and he tries to hold off, wanting to give you one more. 

“He looked like he was about to cum in his pants when he came up from under the table. No way he’d last long enough to give you what you need,” he continues.

“Think you can?” You tease as you look behind you and smirk, all while intentionally squeezing your walls. He lets out a low, throaty moan.

You continue clamping down on him intermittently, and his harsh grip on your hips and the deep furrow in his brow let you know he’s struggling to hold on. So naturally, you decide to tease him further. 

“Oh, I don’t think you can. I guess I’ll just have to get waiter boy to come and finish me off. I’m sure he’d be more than happy to.” You feel him place a firm grip on the back of your neck, and he uses the leverage to pull you to him and meet each of his thrusts.

Your mouth falls open and your eyes close at the feeling, but they fly open as you feel a harsh slap against your ass. You moan as he grips your stinging flesh and squeezes it in his hand.

“In. his. fucking. dreams.” He punctuates each word with a deliciously hard thrust. 

He begins rubbing your sensitive nub again, and your eyes roll to the back of your head. You barely muster the strength to lift your head as you hear Miguel mutter, “Speak of the devil.”

Confused, you attempt to focus your eyes and you see a shadowy figure rounding the side of the car. Miguel grabs the back of your head and smooshes it against the glass. As the person comes into full view, you see the familiar face of your waiter as he stands in front of the window. The fog that has formed on the glass makes it impossible for him to see anything but your face, but he definitely sees you. You know you should try to hide, but in the moment, you don’t care. It all feels so good, and you’re too cock-drunk to think or act with any reason.

The waiter looks confused, and then you see his face redden as he realizes what’s going on. He stands there for a minute, listening to your muffled moans through the window.

“Tell him who gets to fuck you,” Miguel commands.

You barely hear what he says as you feel the pressure building in your core. You babble out some incoherent response, so he repeats himself.

“Tell him. Tell him who gets to fuck you.” He’s rubbing at your clit even faster now, and you squeal at the almost overwhelming sensation.

“You, Miguel! Only you get to fuck me like this!” You finally answer. You’re not sure if the waiter heard what you said, but the way his eyes widen makes you think he does. Having the creep hear what he wanted him to hear, Miguel leans over and bangs on the glass, effectively startling the guy. He jumps at the sound and when he quickly tears his eyes away from you and shuffles away hurriedly.

As he steps away, you finally let go, and you topple over the edge once again. You shake underneath Miguel as he holds you to him, reaching his release as well. He kisses down the back of our neck before pulling out and flipping you over, so you’re face to face.

“Think he got the message?” Miguel asks, his face flushed as he attempts to catch his breath.

You cradle his face and push his hair back, admiring the view of him hovering above you. You pull his lips yours and kiss him deeply before pulling away to place a few soft kisses on his face, and he does the same to you in return.

“Yeah, I think he heard you loud and clear,” you respond.

"No, I think he heard you loud and clear,” he counters and laughs when you playfully smack his chest. You cover your eyes with your hand and groan as the reality of what you just did sets in.

“Well, I guess we can never come back here,” you say dejectedly as you mentally add this restaurant to the list of places you can no longer go because of you and Miguel’s collective lack of control.

He chuckles, and you pull your hand away and look him in the eyes. “It’s not funny! If we’re not careful, we won’t be able to show our face anywhere in this town,” you say playfully.

“Eh, worth it,” he responds, kissing your forehead.

[utilitycaster]

How can Molly's death be considered a major mistake? It's the crux of the entire campaign.

so I think about this a lot, because you're right, and it really comes down to like...a lot of factors in how people interact with fiction, and some stuff I feel about fandom.

The short answer is that Molly is some people's favorite character, and they really wanted to watch him for 141 episodes and not just 26, and they didn't get to, and so it's valid to feel sad about that. But I think what personally grinds my gears is the idea that it's a mistake and because this is a Fan Favorite character he SHOULD have come back. Setting aside the fact that he had both his fans and his detractors from the start and a lot of people (myself included) who found him irritating didn't say much for a good chunk of C2 because, well, he was dead, this isn't a fucking competitive reality show. You don't get to vote on your phones to decide who wins a resurrection.

I think the longer answer is that there is a certain type of person in fandom, born of a certain type of person in social media communities, who just...is not willing or interested in considering not just that their experiences, preferences, and philosophy are not universal, but also that they are not objectively best and correct and that everyone who disagrees is wrong. It's often really common in, though not exclusive to, people who have particularly limited experiences - young (like, teenager/early 20s), people who haven't lived in a diverse area or in multiple different areas, people who for whatever reason do not get out much - which both makes sense (haven't been exposed to a ton of different perspectives irl) but also means that you get people who, for all they may talk about global politics, kind of unconsciously seem to act as though everyone they interact with online is a variant of someone from the same 3000 person town in the United States in which they've spent all 21 years of their life. ANYWAY getting back to the main point I feel like Molly attracted a lot of that kind of person, who just...doesn't get that while Molly is, to them, a deeply validating expression of gender identity, for many people he is "guy you meet at your friend's birthday party in a two-bedroom 6 floor walk up and within 5 seconds he has pissed you off so profoundly with his overfamiliarity that you go into the kitchen and mainline as much vanilla vodka as possible to not stab this guy with a secondhand knife that says "CHEESE!" on it even though you hate vanilla vodka and it's summer in NYC and you're on the 6th floor in a small apartment with too many people so it's approximately 117 degrees Fahrenheit in this kitchen and the vodka isn't much cooler, and you succeed in this goal, and then after sending your friend who couldn't make it because they were at a family thing that weekend a picture of a rat on the tracks of the 3 train with a caption "this u?" at 1:54 in the morning you're like "so this guy Molly was there" and they're like "oh my god I met him at Cameron's last party, he SUCKS" and you're like "I KNOW". Like a lot of people just do not get that Molly was very popular with their circle, and also a lot of people either were neutral-to-not-feeling-it. This is before we get into the post-death idealization of who he was that takes him from "irritating but I think he'd have grown on me in some ways eventually had he lived" to "horrible and insufferable fake-ass bitch."

And then we get to the true impasse: the idea that something that does not fulfill every single one of your personal wishes might still be a great story.

I'm certainly not perfect, and there's things I thought I wanted for the end of C2 that I didn't get, and there's some things I do wish we'd have gotten to see (or that we'd have done in C3), but I like to think that I try to remain at least partially open to the possibilities. I like to think that my enjoyment of a story isn't contingent on whether one single character survives, even if they are my favorite (and I say this as someone whose favorite ASOIAF character was immediately Ned Stark, a statement that should surprise no one who follows me) nor that the story precisely reaffirms my existing worldview. I want stories to tell me something new and interesting that wouldn't come from my own head, and I want them to sell me on it. I think that a lot of people lost the thread of the importance of representation, namely, they forgot that while it's great to see people like you in a story, you should also be trying to see people not like you and perspectives that aren't yours. I am extremely defensive of my and other people's right to say "I didn't like this story and here is why" without someone being like "Give it a chance! Here's why I think it's good" but at the same time, there is a difference between "I really wish Molly had stayed alive and I don't like that he died," and "everything that happened after he died was A Mistake because it wasn't what I Wanted, and someone should fix this." Like that's what toddlers do. That's not an adult way of interacting with narrative.

So those people don't even get to the point of "the entire campaign is deeply influenced by the loss of Molly; that is what binds the rest of the Nein together and makes them what they are; the fact that Lucien wears the face of a departed friend is crucial to the entire final arc comprising about 20% of the campaign; and the fact that he does not come back, but someone new, with new chances and new choices to make does is emblematic of a campaign about people who find that they cannot undo their pasts, but neither are they trapped or damned by them." They're stuck at "guy I liked died and I'm throwing a tantrum 6 years later."

[ryans-planet]

This is a new blog, if you remember following me before please do so again here.

Tumblr hates trans people :/

Intro

Please read entire post BYF

(Last updated: 9/27/2024 (updated a few things)

Hey! I’m Ryan, new to this stuff and I mostly am here to explore my kinks in a fantasy way, reclaim some part of my sexuality and have somewhere to just dump things I want/like to do!

If ur from my main no you aren’t!!!

if you’re going to follow/follow back please follow this blog! Thank you <3

If you’re feeling kind, I’m working on relocating and any help would be greatly appreciated!!

Ca$happ:$olivetreeboy

Slight venting may occur.

Join my NSFW T4T tumblr discord?

Abt me

22

transmasc agender

On T currently, been off and on since 2020. Due to resources.

uhhh let’s say I’m queer with no interest in cis women and folk who ID as lesbian.

Gray-romantic/Aroflux

Huge huge Switch

Audhd/chronic pain

Monogamous

My Love; @nashont-umblr His tag is #yeehaw bc I’m down bad

White

Fat (fatphobia/chasers/feederism r blocked immediately.)

DMs open to mutuals I will also give discord too if you have it!! but I am awkward and bad at replying sometimes 😭!

All posts on this blog are to be assumed mlm or T4T (includes trans women!!) unless stated otherwise.

DO NOT tag my posts as wlw, or sapphic. I am a MAN. wlw are welcome to interact/follow/rb, but my stuff is by me; a man. It makes me uncomfortable for my posts to be tagged with those things.

Silly yap posts under #ryanplanetyaps Pictures under #pics of me

✨🔻Kinks+🔻✨

Enjoy in purple 💜

Favorites in pink💕

Interested in Orange 🧡(All go for receiving & giving)

Praise

Hairpulling

Biting

Choking

Edging

Overstimulation

Gun/Knife play

Breeding (only T4T/No pregnancy unless pet-play)

Wax play

Pet play

Corruption

Impact play

Force Masc

Somno

COCKWARMING 💕💕💕💕 (receiving especially)

Bondage

Intox

Anal is. Probably a no irl.

Absolute No’s

AgePlay (I’ll block you. I check almost everyone who follows/reblogs me.)

ForceFem

Nipple play (receiving)

Scat

Incest/fauxcest

Feederism

Piss

Heavy degradation

Race play (I’ll block you immediately.)

Misgendering

Heavy CNC and NonCon THIS INCLUDES RAPE PLAY. I’m fine with other cnc listed in my kinks but anything harder/extreme is a major Do FUCKING NOT.

OTHER:

Genitalia

terms to use are as follows; hole/cunt/boycunt dick/cock/tdick, Chest. Don’t use the terms tits/boobs for me (super awesome & cool if you don’t mention chest/nipples at all./srs)

Names/Titles/Compliments

that are absolutely okay are; Sir, Puppy, good boy, pretty boy, slut. Handsome. Apart from pretty boy please do not use more traditionally feminine worded compliments for me.

I have one main sexual trauma trigger, please do NOT use text emojis with /// as blush while talking to me. That’s all thank you!

DNI

Minors/ageless accounts

ED/SH blogs; have had my own issues and am in recovery.

DDLG/similar kinks

TERFS

Racists.

Fatphobes

Detrans kinks/blogs.

If you like Incest shit. I really hate it so bad, even in fantasy.

Zoophiles/p3dos

Zionists/Nazis

Chasers of any kind but especially fat and trans chasers.

Conservatives.

WLW/Sapphic only/Men DNI blogs

[daydream-cement]

Dinner Mix-Up

Larissa Weems x Reader

This is a super special birthday story for my wifey @funky--lesbian. She was the one who gave me the idea and I'm simply writing it out for her. It was so wonderful meeting you IRL Tuesday <3

She had been insanely busy. So busy that she was coming home late in the evenings, long after you retired to bed. In the mornings, she left before you woke, needing to get into the office before she had any students cause trouble during the moments she slept. You could tell Larissa was running herself into the ground.

With the arrival of the Addams’ girl and her family, not to mention the beast on the loose, Larissa was at wit's end with the school year. Time and time again, you tried reminding yourself that this semester was one of the worst the headmistress had ever seen, but you couldn’t help but feel forgotten about, in a way. She was always so tired and completely unwilling to share the burden with you, making it nearly impossible to support your girlfriend. 

Two days prior, you waited up for her, watching her trudge into the bedroom, strip herself of her clothes, and crawl into bed. Sleepily, you gather her into your arms and gently dance around your feelings as you pull the pins from her hair, “I missed you so much today, darling. I wondered if you would like to go on a date with me on Friday?” 

“Mhmm... I would love that. I miss you.” Larissa hummed, happy to have her hair loosened and her face buried into your chest. 

“How about that sweet little Italian restaurant that just opened in Burlington?” You scooch yourself down in bed, keeping your arm around her. The two of you had been dating for years, Larissa always keeping you level-headed while you helped her find peace on her craziest of days. 

You could tell she was on the verge of sleep from how her breathing began to slow just a bit, her grip around you loosening a tad, “Mmokay, darling... I’ll call tomorrow for reservations...” 

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, you whisper, “I love you.”

“I love you too...” She mumbled back, nuzzling her face into you before going still. You knew it would be just a few moments before she was sleeping, which made you smile in the fact that she was at peace. Even this short conversation was making you feel closer to Larissa, settling many of your worries about the two of you growing apart.

Well, that was until you got to the restaurant and waited... and waited... and waited. 

You sat in the restaurant like a fool for over an hour. Larissa hadn’t even bothered to call or respond to any of your attempts at communication. 

At first, you drove home fuming, ready to give Larissa Weems a piece of your mind upon returning home, but when you entered and Larissa was nowhere to be found, you broke down. You couldn’t help yourself when you curled up on the couch and wept as Larissa had absolutely broken your heart. 

Was a relationship just too much for Larissa right now? Perhaps Larissa was reminded of her old feelings for her roommate with Parents Weekend two weekends ago? Or maybe she didn’t really mean it when she said she loved you? There was always the chance she was saying it out of habit and it had lost all meaning to her. 

All of your ruminating had you spiraling. Your whole body shook from the sobs and the decorative pillow on the couch was soaked with your tears. How could you and Larissa have fallen this far? You would do anything to make her love you as she once had. 

The front door opened with a jolt, Larissa slamming it behind herself when she saw your form sitting on the couch. With her deep rapid breaths and the way her eyes narrowed in on you, she was in an absolute rage, “Where were you?!”

“Where was I?! Where have you been? What is wrong with me?” You began to verbalize your spiraling, shouting straight back at your girlfriend, deeply conflicted by your feelings of anger and sadness, “I just don’t know what I can do to make you love me! I can- I can be different. I can change. What do you want from me? Do you want me to be more like Morticia? I’ll do whatever you want... Please... I love you...”

“Nothing is wrong with you! I just waited like a fool for hours and you didn’t show up!” Larissa circled the couch and dropped onto the cushion next to you, ready to argue. Her brows furrow at the mention of Morticia’s name, the sight of you weeping so openly bringing tears to the woman’s eyes, “I don’t know why you even mention her! I love you, not her.”

“What do you mean I didn’t show up? You didn’t show up!”

“I was sitting there at a beautiful, romantic, candlelit dinner waiting for you! You are the one who bothered not to show!”

“Candle-lit? The place isn’t that fancy! Don’t pretend you were there!”

“It’s a five-star restaurant! What do you mean it isn’t fancy?” Larissa’s tears were fading into a cry-laugh, her anger fading into an amused confusion. She reached into her coat pocket, pulling a handkerchief to dab at your tears. 

You spoke with a slight shake to your voice, “We went to different restaurants... Didn’t we?” Her soft laughter began to make you laugh, coming to realize that you had been at different restaurants, standing one another up while being stood up. Larissa’s beautiful hand reaching out, coming to grasp your face.

You dove forwards, wrapping your arms around Larissa’s middle, and felt her arms hold you tight. Her tone was thick with regret, “I think we did.” 

“I’m sorry, Riss...” You mumbled into her neck, the floodgates had opened and all of your emotions were ready to come pouring out. There was so much you had kept from Larissa during the previous months and now you were ready to divulge it all with her. 

“Honey, it was just one big misunderstanding...” Your girlfriend attempted to soothe you once more, hand to the back of your head as she cooed to you, worried you still felt guilt for the switch-up. 

Gripping her a little tighter, you crawled into Larissa’s lap, spilling your heart to the woman before you in hopes she could come to understand all that you had been feeling, “No... I’m sorry that life has just been so much recently. I’m sorry you are overworked and that I can’t do anything to help you.”

“Darling...” Larissa gathered your face in her hands, thumbs stroking your cheeks, “You keep me sane. Coming home to you each night... Just seeing you in bed waiting for me is... everything. From all of this, the one thing I’ve realized is how I can’t live without you.”

Her words were an incredible comfort to hear as you returned the sentiment, “I can’t live without you. I love you so much, Larissa.” You turned your face into her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm, your eyes not leaving hers. 

The headmistress chuckled, shaking her head as you hadn’t quite understood where she was going with her thoughts. Her hands on your face dropped, one coming to grasp your hand while the other reached into her jacket pocket, her gaze was more intense this time, “No... Darling... I truly cannot live without you.” 

You finally understood when your eyes gazed down and saw the small box at Larissa’s fingertips. The beating of your own heart became rapid as you could hardly comprehend what was happening in this moment. After all of this, all of the pain and heartache you put yourself through, your girlfriend, your love, your everything wanted to marry you. 

“Rissa...?” You questioned, still not able to fully understand how she could be proposing after all of this. 

“Marry me... Please. I can’t live without you.” Larissa wasn't quite asking as much as she was pleading with you. She needed to know you would be by her side always. To be her peace and bring her sanity in the darkest times of her job. 

You must have confused the woman as you shook your head ‘no’ out of pure disbelief, but your words quickly countered your actions, “Yes, yes, a million times yes.” Rather than put the ring on your finger, you dove into Larissa’s arms, tackling her to the couch and pressing a deep, loving kiss to her lips. 

Tonight had been a rollercoaster, but you knew Larissa had been your rock and now she would be until death do you part. 

[donnerpartyofone]

Recent Incidents of Inappropriate IRL-Internet Intermingling:

On Instagram I posted (only half-jokingly) that LONGLEGS is just like that grade-Z Tiny Tim movie BLOOD HARVEST, and somebody with a username that's just a random-looking character string replied that they HATE ME for it. I was thinking wtf you HATE ME? That seems a little extreme from a total stranger. And then I looked and realized it's my husband's #1 most misogynistic friend who has always been visibly uncomfortable with me because I'm a girl who is also a nerd and I have had professional nerd jobs and I know more about some stuff than he does. (He wasn't trying to hide his identity, I just didn't instantly realize it was him) Now he has started regularly leaving comments that he probably thinks count as friendly, but it's always some insult about how I'm doing something wrong, or I went to a bar before the weekend, or just anything that could be an insult that I can't respond to without seeming oversensitive. I just ignore them all, which I'm sure annoys him.

LinkedIn told me that an ex-friend who I had a really bad falling out with viewed my profile. I'm sure she wasn't looking for me, LinkedIn is good at making it weirdly unavoidable to look at or "connect with" people. I was in a long relationship with someone who was (among many other horrible things) cheating on me elaborately as a spectator sport for the enjoyment of his friends/coworkers/bosses (yes, bosses), and when we finally broke up I was just so happy that I never had to even see the face of his super gross-sounding mistress. And then, even though I'm sure I unfollowed/blocked my ex everywhere, LinkedIn tried to make me connect with her, so I had to see her shitty rattyass face. At least I didn't think she was hot at all but I was so fucking pissed. But anyway, with my old friend it wasn't that we got in a fight, we were just growing apart quickly and she did something pretty bad and I reacted pretty badly and we just stopped talking without discussion. I'm not proud of how it went down, but the friendship definitely had to end. Part of me is a little afraid the LinkedIn viewing is the prelude to her trying to communicate somehow. I really don't need closure and I wouldn't want to repair the relationship, like I think she's a decent person and I wish her well but I wouldn't be at all interested in having a conversation. If she actually reached out for that and I turned her down I would feel like a huge fucking coward and it's arguable that I owe her more than that, but I don't know. I don't think there would be any point to it. I've narrowed down my range of friends a lot over the past several years and I'm pretty happy with the way things are now. Fuckin LinkedIn.

[entropicbias]

your existence is genuinely befuddling to me. like i mean this in the absolute nicest way possible, which is kinda stupid because it's going to sound incredibly condescending and mean anyway. i just do not understand how you can build your life and personality around a character you ostensibly have the same name as and get offended when people ask if you are roleplaying or kinning or treat you as a character. especially in the homestuck community. understandably i'd get pissed too but in this community people seem to lack critical thinking skills and you seem aware of that too

i think the way you type everywhere and the fact that a lot of your friends do the exact same thing as you but with other characters from hs gives it away

im not even necessarily saying it's a bad thing to kin a character but if you're gonna do it, it just seems disingenuous to frame it as "i've always been this way"

i understand that i am an asshole for even insinuating that you're just playing a character or maybe it's just that people noticed that you share some similarities with a certain character and you just play into that for fun or something

so i guess my question is whether this is just a huge bit or not. you don't even have to answer this i was just wondering as somebody who previously built my entire identity around a fictional character before

(very well said. john egbert isn't really unique in personality. maybe you should've gone to someone who acted like xehanort. i think that would've landed you a better answer.)

here are multiple tweets of me humoring comments i get regarding this. and also casually telling people i'm not doing a bit, and i don't think i'm john egbert from homestuck. very casually, i've only gotten offended when people have associated me with the character to make assumptions about my personal life and my identity. i'm not sure where else you've seen me "get offended over it" like it's a federal issue. i am pretty aware that that is a normal assumption to make based on what i act like.

here are some youtube comments i made when i was nine or ten. i have never typed exactly like this for all my life consistently. just like any other person. i have had phases where i've just changed to adjust to whatever was big in internet humor and language. but, using periods is just muscle memory to me.

my friends are also their own people. matter of fact, i am friends with a lot of them because this is a shared experience. you see many people in the fandom who have either been like me or there are many cases where people are transgender and have taken on the name and look of a character they relate to. or some people are genuinely just like, people with DID.

there was a brief period in my life where, because of the way i was, i was told i needed to associate with an identity close to how people claim they are "irls" of characters. but i was also 15, and i was a very impressionable kid. and you have to remember that this was like, a trend. even so, i don't think i have ever publicly associated myself with the label at all. it was just a thing i picked up from some weird friends i had going into the fandom. i am obviously grounded in reality, and i am my own person!!!!

i do not currently "kin" or say i "kin" cause that is really gay. no offense to kinners, the concept is fun! it just got ruined by fandom people.

john egbert is more like a persona to me than anything! but it's not like you could tell my drawings of him and me apart. again, not a federal issue.

i think this was a really presumptuous way to ask me this question, like you've completely figured out my act out or something by insinuating that i am being disingenuous. i would have a lot more respect for you if you either approached me privately or didn't make the only way of answering your question to publicly have to tell people i am not lying about my image. i'm really only answering this because i'd hate it if other people thought the same. so, let me clear the air!

i am not building my life around john egbert. that is not even possible at this point because i am a grown ass man. if i wanted to be more like john egbert, i wouldn't draw gay homestuck art as my main hobby.

does this answer your invasive question.

[danrifics]

i’ve been trying to write this post forever 😭 but omg where to even start with this weekend it was just so amazing!!!

first @ahappyphjl and @dnphobe thank you guys for putting up with my crazy ass for 2 days!! i know i can be a lot especially when i decided to drop the autism mask 😭 you guys are amazing and it was so cool to see the show with friends cos last time i saw it i was by myself so it was absolutely amazing to experience it with you both! also jenna thank you for waiting in a 2 hour line for a pretty mid hello kitty cafe 😂

next to everyone i met for the first time over the weekend!! its so honestly amazing when you get to put actual real faces to blogs and you were all so amazing and cool! its also very weird but also fucking cool to just have people walk up to you and say they follow you on tumblr i felt so famous 💅

again i have to apologise for how awkward i am irl i know i seem so cool online but im actually a very social awkward and weird irl😅

it was also cool to see @ahappydnp and @calvinahobbes!!! cal thank you for buying me a coke zero 😂

special shoutout to @pseudophan @gardener-dyke @personthattoleratesme for putting up with my sleep deprived, dehydrated, hungry self especially when i wouldn’t shut up about how im in love with dan and what if he stared as me or whatever the fuck i was talking about??

@energeticwarrior it was so cool to meet you on saturday sorry i randomly shouted your name and didn’t immediately tell you who i was so you just looked at me blankly until i was like shit i should tell you my name 😭 also sorry i made it seem like that was the first and last time you’d ever see me only for me to randomly appear at the show on sunday it was really cool to sit with you and thank you for laughing when i shouted smash at dan when he was stripping

lastly big obvious thank you to the man himself, @danielhowell (yes fuck it im tagging him too) you are the funniest man alive (well second obviously phil is number 1) i’ve met you before literally a year ago yesterday?? but sometimes i do forget you’re actually real and then you’re standing in front of me on stage and i can literally see your face and every detail on it???? insane anyway thank you for We’re All Doomed it was funny, sad and moving but it was literally the best thing you’ve ever done and i’m so so proud of you for it! thank you for always showing you love us just as much as we love you.

this community means everything to me and i’ve never felt so loved until i became apart of it! honestly words cannot describe how i truly actual feel so im gonna have to stop rambling now

i love you guys so much

phannie cult for LIFE

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: Anonymous

our interviewee today is the anonymous author of the "SBI Crit Post". he's asked to both remain anonymous and not to be sought out; he's been incredibly helpful and polite through this entire interview process, and i would ask you all to leave any residual feelings you may have from that time at the door. If you think you remember who posted it, please keep it to yourself. that said, let's begin!

Q: Before we begin talking about the ‘Crit Post’, I’d love to hear what your experience of MCYTblr was like before it was posted. Do you have any standout memories from this time?

A: Not particularly. There's some things that I guess looking back on nowadays is kind of wild, like how in the groups I was running in, shipping of any kind that wasn't DNF was super frowned upon (as in, I trigger tagged for IRL shipping)…but truthing wasn't really? Or, how back then the lines between 'critblr' and main mcytblr were super fuzzy. I hung out with both groups before the Crit Post to no issue. Oh!!! And this is a wonderful piece of MCYTblr lore that you may not know, but when I posted the Crit Post, I was apart of a MCYT art exchange themed after MCC called MC Creatives. I think it only happened once, and I can't exactly remember who ran it. They were a really nice DNF (? or just DTeam) blogger. I think it's cool to see that even back then the community was pretty tight knit and had overarching community activities like we see today. It's interesting to me that our fandom has missed out on some of the more important parts to being a fandom… not many big bangs, only one or two that I know of. It's very sad, but we are a weird fandom in general, and definitely a Modern Fandom, if you understand what I mean by that LOL. There is one memory that does stick out, completely irrelevant to this interview though. The fake Dreambur meetup. I pulled an all nighter for it. I was shaking. I drew fanart (though never posted it). Everyone was hysterical. And then it was faked and everyone went WHAT.

Q: As you let me know in your dms, you were the user who made the original “SBI Crit Post”. Would you mind giving a quick rundown of what it was exactly, for anyone who may not know?

A: I would, but frankly I barely remember anything about it. It was like… I saw someone being like "weird that we aren't as critical of SBI as we are of DT" and I thought, "Well, I can probably try?" and made shit up. It was nonsense. I can't even remember what I said about Philza. The points against the others were "Tommy is too young to be in this business" "Wilbur queerbaits" and… "Technoblade needs to be less honest about his ADHD he's glorifying it" or something like that. Again, it was nonsense at its best.

Q: What was your reasoning at the time for making the post? Did the overall culture around you play a part in it?

A: Here's the part no one knows: At the time of posting, I was 13 by maybe… one, two, or three weeks. And I'd spent almost the entirety of my time as a 12 year old in a community that was like "we need to be Critical of our Favorite Creators because this is Righteous and the Only Good Way To Engage With MCYT" and I was like "Everyone here is older than me and therefore endlessly smarter than me," and therefore just accepted it. You can see it very clearly in the part that was "critical" of Wilbur Soot. He was queerbaiting for what? Acting like he wanted to kiss men? Dressing nice? Ridiculous! But if we called Dream a queerbaiter (and never GNF, because everyone was convinced he was gay), then I thought surely Wilbur Soot could also be a queerbaiter! This made total sense to baby 13 year old me. It's not fair to really call that indoctrination: it's not like I was falling down an alt-right pipeline or anything. I was just a stupid kid with too much internet access who liked minecraft and knew nothing about like Dan & Phil or Septiplier (kind of thing that would make me suspicious of this activity--especially truthing). I thought I was fufilling some honor by saying "and yes, my favorite minecraft boys aren't without fault either!" The people that stayed friends with me after that… some of them were my closest normal non-Critblr friends, who refused to abandon me (shout out to you guys you know who you are), and the rest were the people in Critblr who were… okay with my behavior.

Q: I understand that the backlash to the post was very intense– what was it like from your perspective? Did it have any affect on you?

A: Lots. Lots and lots and lots. I lost a bunch of my close friends who weren't okay with what I'd said or how I'd doubled down, and it really messed with me as a kid in the middle of quarantine. There were times where I genuinely considered hurting myself irreperably as either a way to "apologize for what I had done" or just a way to stop worrying that everyone I knew was going to block me one day. Those feelings lasted for a long time, I still struggle with them to this day, over three years later (? I think). And I was kind of lead to believe that was an okay response. I recieved asks the night that it all went down where I was told I should hurt myself. Of course my own behavior wasn't cool, but neither was that. I know there was a post out there by a popular (at the time?) Technoblade blogger that detailed the faults in that post, but I never read it. All I knew about it was that people saw it, and harassed me because they saw it, and that the OP of that post hated me. It got to the point that seeing that blogger's URL caused me to have panic attacks, a ridiculous thing because that blogger as far as I know never actually did anything wrong. I don't know. Every once in awhile, someone in the server I'm in (hi some of you are definitely reading this :3 i love you guys) will bring up the post in passing and I'll have to mute the channel for 24 hours because I'm scared. Or even when we're discussing normal drama, if something feels too close to the Crit Post, or like it might come up, I'll get shaky and nauseous and have to mute the channel for 24 hours. It's weird, the shit being told to kill yourself because you did something dumb as a 13 year old can do to you.

Q: As a follow-up: What, if anything, do you wish had happened instead?

A: I don't know really. I guess the obvious answer is "I didn't make the post" or "I didn't double down", but I think the real answer has to be that I wish the community I was in hadn't taught me that what I was doing was an okay move.

Q: Do you have anything else to add about the Crit Post, MCYTblr, or the community as a whole?

A: Not really. I "retired" from MCYTBlr in I think 2022, but kept a passing interest in it for a long time, and I'm still active in a discord (hi again) comprised entirely of fans and retired fans. I loved MCYT, and in some ways, I still do. When I'm sad, I put on old Technoblade videos. When I'm really sad, I put on old Purpled videos. These things are my comforts, things that I haven't ever been able to give up. And that's good! Even if I don't talk about MCYT anymore, I'm glad it's there for me.

[rootinteen]

Nightmare Shift hcs and ideas

Because i have spend 2 days focusing on IRL matter way too big to sit down and write properly, but my mind refused to stop with the Nightmare AU. So here are some TNMN headcanons and stuff i will likely can't add to the fanfic but still want to add.

First off i started the Doorman as very neutral, generic character, but i am considering giving them a more constructed identity and personnality.

They're are a they/him, of Greek or Chypriot origin. 23 years old, picked up the job to finance the materials and budget they need to start their dream work of tattoo artist. They would not transform but i still hc their demonic alter ego as a Troll-kind of creature. Name's Nathan nicknamed Nath.

Ships :

Honor to the canon couples.

Roman and Lois are closing their 15 years anniversary, and they are the ones who got Alf and Rafttelynn together... Well, Lois did. Roman knew Alf from work, invited him for dinner once to review some potentially litigous counts. Lois saw him and decided he just HAD to meet Raftty.

Speaking of them. Rafttellyn is Alf's second wife. He lost his first love during war, and Rafttelynn brought him back the joy he had forgotten.

Arnold and Gloria are childhood sweethearts. They can't even tell you how old they were when they first hung out, or when it became romance. They still waited for Gloria to finish her studies and be settled job wise before marrying.

Dr.Afton and Mia met in college. W(aren) got an instant crush on her but he had no idea how to approach her. He just dreamed of Mia from afar until he realised soon she will be done with her education degree and he won't see her again. Cue the most rushed and awkward love confession. Mia found it adorable and accepted to at leasr keep contact. They have been engaged for a year and half now, the doppelganger situation makes things...a bit slow.

Now to the headcanons

Nacha and Francis are lesbian and gay, met in an underground gay club. They quickly became best friends and agreed to marry to protect themselves and avoid family outrages. They may not have romantic feelings but they do care a lot for each others and for Anastacha.

Nacha has a big crush on Elenois, and is trying to subtly figure out if she has a chance of asking her out safely.

Francis is in a relationship with Steven. He took the apartment next to him when it got vacant so they could have their own safe space, and free some room for Nacha to also live her life. Their relation is mostly secret, the only awares are Nacha, Anastacha (open and fair communication) and Mclooy (Steven has no clue his dad knows his sexuality and relation.)

Selenne has started dating Robertsky less than a year ago. She finds him comforting in those weird difficult times. Robertsky isn't sure how he managed to be with a model, but he does love her for far more than her (very) pretty face.

Angus and Izaack are the other gay relationship of the building. They are not as subtle and downlow as they think they are (thanks Lois and Raffty). They also started dating fairly recently after Izaack broke up with his last girlfriend (he is Bi.)

[54625]

(resident lurker here, hello, sorry in advance for the long message) saw your latest post about art style, and i wanted to say that while it might not be very visible at first sight or to you in general, all of your art does have something in common that sets it apart from everyone else's. i can't really describe it, but if i see it on the tl/in the tags, i know it's you before i even see the username. and it's normal that it looks different too because it's a sign of your progress. i think that's true for everyone, really, that their art is always a little different, a little special. i think art in general should be more about experimenting and free expression. what also stands out to me in your art is the intricate line work, even if there's just a little bit of it, it's still there. i like it a lot. my favorite pieces of yours are the two-part fit art with the rose and the light behind him and the madagio one with the rose as well. also the one with fit at night and ramon with the fireflies. (basically the ones with the most line work LMAOO) i think they're incredible honestly. and yeah, i've been struggling with motivation/inspiration myself lately too. i have so many ideas for both qsmp-related art/writing and stuff outside of it, but it's just not working out :/ let's hope that changes soon for both of us tho because art is always great and sharing it is even better anyways, love seeing your posts, thank you for being a part of the community o7

This is one of the nicest things I've ever read dude

One of the highest compliments any artist can receive is the implication that someone has looked and thought really hard about your work; that they've not glossed over it for a few seconds but actively studied it's aspects. The fact that you see an intricacy in my work that even I don't, but also the fact that you like my art enough to have favourites, is incredibly humbling. The best comments on my art posts, the ones that stick with me the most, are the ones where someone lists all the small details and techniques I've put work into; you going out of your way to point out concurrent details you enjoy across my art is one of the best versions of that I've had.

Thank you so much for this overwhelmingly kind ask, thank you for being part of the community, and I hope you can overcome your art block too, it's a bitch.

I'm not doing too badly at the moment though! Yesterday I was feeling especially burned out but today I finished up an irl traditional painting I've been chipping away at for a good few weeks and I'm feeling a little more positive right now :) it's also in no small part thanks to positive reinforcement like this, making everything feel worth it.

[feral-rat]

Rating TMA fears based on how likely I am to be recruited by them in no particular order

Is this some coping mechanism because I figured out I was in a cult for most of my childhood?

No comment.

The Buried= 0/10 Absolutely Not. I have autism I would be so overstimulated that sounds like fucking hell.

The Corruption= 5/10 Honestly I would do a lot if worms sang to me, doesn't even need to be worms any bug could probably win me over. I am completely love starved and love is their whole thing. It's only downfall is the actual filth part I can not do that kind of grime and disease.

The Dark= 3/10 Honestly it's just a bit boring also my intrusive thoughts get worse in the dark. Honestly I just don't give a fuck about it.

The Desolation= 7/10 I've always loved destruction I think it has a kind of poetic beauty to it. For alot of my life I've been angry at the people who hurt me. it definitely consumed me during my early teenage years. I feel like it would have fit me better a few years ago but I still see the appeal.

The End= 8/10 I take great comfort in the fact that one day we will all die. I've had to face death alot throughout my life. I definitely feel a connection to this power

The Eye= 18/10 FUCK YESSSS!!!!!! As I have mentioned before I have the autism. I have an intense need to know all. I spent years of my life learning about the human brain and psychology because I didn't understand how neurotypical people communicated. I just would like to know everything. I'm also trans idk why that's relevant but it just is.

The Flesh= 8/10 Again I am trans. like it wouldn't be my first choice to be a Flesh avatar but that's not what I'm rating this is strictly on if I think they could recruit me. Though idk about the body horror part of it, like I've seen enough of it irl I'm just kinda over it. I think I would prefer to be released from this prison of flesh and bone but it's the second best option.

The Hunt= 2/10 I do understand the animalistic need to just Run but I think I would get bored chasing after something else. I also hate the police, I could not knowingly want to be apart of something with that many ties to the police.

The Lonely= 15/10 This one is a bit sader to think about. It's very likely that I would be a lonely avatar. In the past 2 weeks I have spoken to approximately 3 people.

The Slaughter= 1/10 I just don't care that much about it. I've seen enough needless violence in my life. I would be more interested studying why people do violence than participating in it myself.

The Spiral= 18/10 OBVIOUSLY do I even need to explain this. I frequently get hallucinations, I once spent 2 days looking at fractals and I dress in the clothing version of eyestrain.

The Stranger= 10/10 Ok so this one is difficult because on one hand YESSSS but this is strictly on if I would be recruited by them. It fully depends on how they recruit me. If it's a talking manikin I would be running for the hills, but I already have a few probably haunted dolls so if it was dolls theres a good chance I would be recruited.

The Vast= 18/10 FUCK YEAH I WANT TO SEE SKY BLUE!!! I LOVE the fact compared to space and time I am insignificant, it feels like being hugged by the universe. When my legs get better I'm going to do sky diving, my dream would just be falling forever. Ironically my legs don't work because the last time I fell I actually landed. It also just feels like the lonely without the commitment.

The Web=15/10 It's probably more likely I would get manipulated by the web instead for becoming an avatar but if she wants me who am I to deny her. Like most web avatars I have an intense fear of being trapped so when I was young I learnt how to mentally manipulate others just in case. I love spiders even when I was young I would pick them up from the garden and let them crawl up and down my arms. Also coincidentally I used to live super close to a place called 105 hilltop road lol

[ribesrubrum]

under the mask of pride (fear rises as a guide)

//so i feel...honestly, a little guilty for how little i've been around as of late, especially since things are picking up drama-wise. irl debuffs aplenty will do that to you. but i wanted to get some writing out to kind of describe Carmine's mental state, so. here we are.

//fair warning: this fic is technically kind of offscreen rp in that it's at least canon that ren and carmine talked like this, though i'd greatly prefer it not be spread as a rumor or leak or something. but it also does talk about some heavy topics; namely very heavy self loathing, some mention of parental abandonment and abuse (heehoo headcanoning carmine's parents/why she's like this), mentions of bullying, self harm in the form of hair pulling/trichotillomania, and uh. ...look i'm not gonna beat around the bush, i don't wanna edgelord, i wanna treat this with respect but i also don't wanna sugarcoat it, this gets about as close to implying carmine was about to take drastic measures to alleviate her suffering as i'm comfortable with getting. the less implicit version of this warning will be in the tags. please uncollapse the tags before reading. dead dove: do not eat is in full effect here.

//this is going to be pretty heavy, and also stupid long. feel free to click if you're okay with handling that.

Carmine's listlessness has only grown as the days have worn on, she's finding. It doesn't help that her knuckles are still raw from punching her wall a day prior--she's thankful it seems like the wall fix went off without a hitch, and all she got was a rather stern talking to about making noise so late at night before the teacher that spoke with her went off. Cardigan's been sticking close to her side since Leavanny elected to stay near Kieran at least for a time, but even now, she feels pathetic for it.

Pathetic that she can't help her brother. Pathetic that she can't help her girlfriend, who simply wants to make sure that the whole club that they built together and maintained isn't destroyed because of Drayton's boneheaded move. If Carmine looked deep within herself, she'd be looking at Kiki's actions too, that he allowed this, that he's possibly setting himself up to lose everything. That Drayton's encouraging it, and she's been more on edge than ever and ready to tear someone apart for it. If she doesn't wind up punching him out when all is said and done, she's going to be very surprised.

Cardigan trills a bit from beside her, and she looks down to the flower-less Lilligant, pausing a bit as she looks down. She recognizes that trill, and knows that she's probably being concerning right now. Emotional regulation is still something that Carmine struggles with, even now, knowing that she can't and she shouldn't scream her feelings out to try and get people to understand, that yelling doesn't help, that you have to see other's perspectives. Even if sometimes, they trounce all over your own. Carmine looks down to Cardigan, giving the Lilligant a tired smile.

"...Sorry, Cardi. I know I'm probably not making your job very easy." It's soft in a way Carmine never usually is. In a way that Carmine never allows herself to be--she's all bravado and arrogance because for years, that's what kept her safe. That's what kept her and her brother safe, even if it clipped his wings and made everyone around her hesitant to approach either of them. It was safety, the thorns and briars that she metaphorically planted around herself, letting them spread where she walked and lashing them out at anyone who would even for a second think of hurting her. It was safety, it was lonely, but it was home.

...It's no wonder she likes grass types so much. The Lilligant's gaze only seems to get sadder when she says that much, gentle, leafy hands going to take one of her own as Cardigan stares up at her, as if trying to communicate something with those amber eyes that almost seem pleading. Carmine's hand trembles a bit, because once again she doesn't understand, she can't understand, why can't she--

Carmine hears footsteps, and immediately, her guard is up. She's immediately ready to go on the attack, in case anyone saw her, in case she has to defend being out for a walk in the Canyon Biome with her therapy Pokemon, something she's already received plenty of jabs about--but no. There's a familiar mop of blue hair, and that silly, dorky looking Orthworm is following them and waving with them, as Terry and Mio seem to take over where they left off. Ren's an idiot, in the bluntest of terms, but there's a sense of safety that comes with them. That they can see her, at her worst and most cruel, and laugh and let it slide off their back so easily. Because they were her age once. Her gender once, even, though that's largely irrelevant. They always seem so certain and keep their spirits so high, even if she's the only one they've trusted with some of their worries. And Carmine in turn, has trusted Ren with some of hers.

...They're about as disconnected from this entire situation as they can be, even though they met during that trip. It's as Carmine is contemplating going up to them and being a bother and just turning heel and walking away that the choice is made for her, as they turn around, start walking and see her--

"Oh! Miss Carmine, hey!"

She could walk away. She could just tell them to piss off and lash out, and destroy one of the few unconnected relationships she has with this entire mess, one of the few things that's genuinely hers. She could recede inside herself, lock herself away like she did after she reached her breaking point, when she nearly...

"Hey, Ren. Finally getting your nose out of those cameras?"

The barb is light, half-hearted at best, and could probably make someone deeply passionate a little upset at being teased. And yet Ren takes it in stride, laughing easily as they walk up, Lulu going to Cardigan and just kind of talking with the Lilligant for a moment. "You know it, girlie! Arc, all of these worms are doin' so well, they ain't overwhelmin' the environment nor gettin' overwhelmed themselves--everything's so perfect right now, it's really amazing! Ohh, I gotta tell you about some of the babies, they're just--"

For a brief moment, Carmine thinks she can just get away with Ren going on a hyperfixation ramble and forgetting her own worries in favor of focusing on the things her rival has accomplished. Because it is quite the accomplishment, even if Carmine's definitely harped on them for trying to downplay it before. But their gaze goes to Cardigan and Lulu, falling quickly and their words fading off as Carmine looks, and now everyone looks concerned.

Carmine's posture tightens as she realizes she can't get away with this so easily. She feels their gaze dart back to her, and she's already sure her expression is stormy, and...

"...I think that's enough about me." Fuck. Their voice has softened considerably, and she knows she's done for. "Miss Carmine, are you--"

"I'm fine, Ren." It comes out too sharp, too defensive, and there's a brief moment where she's hoping Ren will just walk away at that. She's shaking, she knows she is, and her gaze averts a bit only to feel not just Cardigan, but Lulu--that stupid, brainless worm--take her hands, wrapping them both in leaves and tendrils, and it feels disgusting and bitter and she wants to run and hide, she wants to tear her hands away--

"...Miss Carmine." Ren's voice sounds so soft, so...sad for a moment, and there's a pause as more footsteps can be heard--Carmine doesn't even bother to flinch, but she feels a tug on both of her hands as she opens her eyes, seeing Ren nod at both Pokemon before looking to her with a smile that's both soft and sad.

"Come on, Miss Carmine. Let's go somewhere else to talk, okay?"

---------------------------------------------

The trip back to her room is arduous, even though it barely takes more than fifteen minutes. Every agonizing second feels like a walk of shame, but she realizes something along the way. It's only so long because Ren knows their way around here like the back of their hand now; they know where people aren't, because they aren't some social butterfly who likes to help in every club. They take her through an easy but arduous path that leaves her alone in her head, and it takes a couple of second after Ren's stopped for her to stop too.

"...You must have a lot on yer mind to be makin' mistakes like this, Miss Carmine." Ren's voice is soft, non-judgemental, and they don't even flinch when she turns back to face them with something of a severe expression. It's the kind of care and kindness she doesn't deserve, she's sure, but as she unlocks the door to her room and ushers Ren and their Pokemon inside, it's something she finds herself internally thankful for.

Carmine's room is a mess, perhaps moreso than usual. Stress eating will do that, bags of chips and other sweet and savory alike strewn about. Cardigan doesn't even seem surprised, but Lulu, bless his stupid little soul, seems taken aback by it as he draws himself inside. She hears Ren's footsteps as they close the door behind them, a small sound escaping them as they walk in front of Carmine.

"You want some help cleanin' off that bed of yours?" Carmine looks over at her messy, disheveled bed, and it's many snacks and wrappers as well. It's an absolute Tepigsty, more than she'd ever allow anyone to see. She feels herself listlessly nod her head as she looks over to Ren, who's concern hasn't dampened even an inch as they move to help in an instant. She's thankful she's got a vacuum and that it's early enough in the afternoon that nobody's likely around the dorms; Cardigan and Lulu both assist as well as they help clear it off, at least enough to let Carmine sit down on it once they're all done.

Cardigan hops on the bed with Carmine as she sits down, and Lulu rests his head near Ren's feet as he gets himself comfortable on the floor, and Ren looks to her, finally broaching the topic, "Ya look like you got a lot on yer mind, Miss Carmine. You sure everything's okay?"

It takes Carmine a lot longer than she'd like to respond. Cardigan gently takes hold of one of Carmine's hands, gently petting it with her own leafy appendage. The eventual response she settles on is a bitter laugh.

"...I don't know." It comes out so soft and uncertain, it feels like she's a different person entirely when she says it. "I thought everything was fine. I thought...I don't know, I thought that everything would be okay. I really let myself believe that now that I made up with my brother, that everything would go back to some sort of normal, but..."

Carmine's voice pitches higher and higher with every word, and she finds herself shaking a bit. She can't even look at her rival right now, how pathetic can she even get?

"Oh, Carmine..." There's not even that weirdly respectful 'Miss' at the beginning of her name, and a part of her hates that, that she's being seen as sympathetic for even a moment when she doesn't deserve it, she doesn't deserve this, if she'd just trusted Kiki-- "Nothin' is ever that easy, but I remember how relieved ya were when Kiki actually bothered to respond."

"Yeah." Carmine confirms that much, listlessly, but a ghost of a smile traces her face. "...It really filled me with hope, for a second. That maybe things could go back to some sort of normal, that I could really see Kiki for all he is. It wanted to be seen and come into it's own, and I...I didn't know how to do that, but..."

"...But you wanted to try." Ren's words softly intervene. Carmine nods shortly after.

"I wanted to try. I still do. But it's...that big fight happened, and now everything's just...it feels like we're right back where we started."

Carmine's voice breaks a little bit, and try as she might to rein it in, it's harder to get back on track. At this point, she feels, she might as well just give up.

"...I don't know what to do."

Carmine's gaze stays down, because she can't look at Ren, she can't, she just can't. But Ren's words; soft, steady words, a contrast to the cold steel they loved so dearly, pour out none the less.

"...It's a tough position to be in, Carmine. Ya got your brother and it's undyin' need to win on one side, and ya got Miss Amarys tryin' her damnedest to hold everyone together on the other, yeah?"

"Yeah. And it's like--I don't want to destroy the relationship I have with my brother. I want to rebuild it, to let it come into it's own. But I...my beloved is right, even if I worry about saying it. She tries so hard to uphold the rules of the club, of this school, and these--these jerks keep sending her horrible, disgusting things for it. And for what?"

A quiet settles over the room, and she's sure Ren expects her to elaborate, but she doesn't. Not even she knows what, and she's sure Ren gets it by the time they speak up next.

"...I ain't gonna go makin' any assumptions, but...I don't even think I know the answer to that, Carmine."

It's soft, when Ren admits it. Sad, even. She can only imagine what their face is doing right now, and it gets Carmine to laugh a bit. Bitterly, wretchedly.

"Neither do--neither do I, Ren. And do you know how much that kills me?"

Carmine's voice pitch rises, and she feels her free hand drawing into her hair, Cardigan's trills of concern becoming more apparent as she tries to hop over and dislodge it--

"I love Kiki! I love Amarys! I love them both more than life itself and I--if I say anything at all, I'm going to hurt one of them. Both of them, even, maybe, whether I intend it or not! And the little Mandibuzzes on here, flying around and trying to hurt everyone in this school, they'll be on it in an instant, they'll--they'll hurt them both, they'll turn them both against each other, and I--if I do anything, they already know it's my fault from the start, that all of this is, that I was stupid and boneheaded and lied to my brother because I was scared it could've gotten hurt--"

"Miss Carmine."

"--and I told Juliana to lie, yes, I got so worried that Kiki would just get so excited and that Ogerpon could've hurt or done something worse to it, but then my grandfather told me to keep my mouth shut about helping Ogerpon and I--I didn't--"

"Miss Carmine."

"--And then it--it stole her mask, and I've never been more angry in my life at it, and it just--it keeps stomping on others feelings, and it won't believe anyone, and I don't know what I can actually do--"

"Miss Carmine, please--!"

"WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

Carmine's shriek practically causes her to lunge at her friend, the firm tone in that moment making her see someone else. Wide yellow eyes fiercely stare at bright blue ones, as Ren startles a bit at the ferocity in her tone. The quiet over the room is tense and uneasy, and Ren already sees a few strands got torn out because of it. They take a gentle breath in as realization hits Carmine, but she's still for a moment. Still as Cardigan trills with concern, as Lulu looks up with even more concern on his dopey little face, though he looks ready to hold Carmine back more than anything.

Ren's surprisingly quick on the uptake, at least, and they speak up again before Carmine can.

"Isn't that somethin' you should be askin' of yourself?"

Ren's words are confusing, and the confusion must be apparent on her face as they reach her ears. Ren gently breathes, and continues, "I mean it. You've been talkin' this entire time about Kiki this, Amarys that, and I ain't gonna disparage you for that. Sure puts any rumors of ya bein' self centered to bed, not that I believed 'em anyway. But..."

"What is it that ya want, at the end of it all? Isn't that a question that's come up even once for ya...?"

Carmine can't even believe what she's hearing.

"Why does that matter? I've taken what I wanted for years, I--"

"Okay, you hold on a second here." Ren's words are still soft, but there's a firmness to them now that cuts through her words like butter. "When did that stop bein' a question you asked yerself?"

"It doesn't matter--"

"It absolutely does matter? Girl, yer gettin' tugged in two different directions and ya sound like yer long past the end of yer rope."

"Why does it matter when I've been nothing but a selfish bitch this entire time?!"

And that startles Ren enough to actually get them to stop for a second, completely taken aback. Carmine's gaze goes downward, and she's shaking, horribly.

"Those anons were right, okay?! I ruined Kiki's one good friendship because I'm a bonehead, I'm a failure of a girlfriend who can't even help the girl I love so much with her anger and problems other than just being there like a useless cardboard cutout, I deserve this, all of it, even all of the hateful words and it would've just been so much easier if I had--"

Something stops Carmine in her tracks from speaking. Multiple of them, really. Cardigan's hands, for starters, wrapped firmly around one of her own hands; two of Lulu's tendrils wrap around the other, and even Carmine has to admit that she's surprised by how little an Orthworm's head seems to weigh as he rests his head on one of her legs with concern.

The final thing, that she didn't even hear, is Ren getting up and putting a firm, supportive hand on her shoulder, tiny as said hand is. When she actually gets a look at their face, they look like they're about to cry, and for a brief moment she wonders if she's just gone and ruined another friendship.

"Don't--don't you dare talk about yerself like that again, you hear me?"

Oh. That's not what she expected at all; Ren's voice practically trembles as they say that, and it hits something in her. Carmine's eyes well up with tears of her own, and she can practically hear herself sniffling.

"...I'm sorry, Ren." Her voice is so soft, so delicate, so fragile in the moment that she wonders if it's her own. "I'm...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm..."

"I know you are." Ren's voice softens from that point on, and their grip becomes a little easier. A little more slack, but still there. "When did ya stop seein' yerself as someone not worth considerin' the feelin's of, girl...?"

"...I don't know. It was...before that. Maybe when Amarys and Kiki fought that one time. I--I don't know." Carmine's voice is shaky as she struggles to keep herself together, and she feels Cardigan shift and pull her arm into a hug, and the tears start pouring down at that. She can't stop them, even if she's not a sobbing wreck with no dignity. Yet, at least. "...I don't want to lose anything else."

That gets a pause from Ren, who does their best to calm themself down. "Anything else...?"

"...My parents are divorced. My dad was...he was awful. Just a screaming, bumbling oaf who went from job to job while my mom stayed home and took care of us. Though she was...she was way more focused on Kiki..."

Ren listens carefully, nodding their head as Carmine continues.

"I haven't seen either of them in...years. We usually live with our grandparents, when we're not here. Last time I saw my mom, we got into an argument. I asked her why she stopped caring for me. Why she just...tried to leave me with him--"

"...She what?"

Carmine spares a quick glance at Ren's face, when they say that--practically seething with an anger they don't usually express. "...Yeah. She--she said she could only handle one of us, and that I was Dad's favorite, so..."

"Girl." Ren's doing their best to keep their tone level, but the anger doesn't leave. Hell, if anything, it mixes with the sheer unholy audacity of what they heard, leaving them flabberghasted-- "What the fuck is wrong with your mom?"

Carmine laughs, and while it sounds bitter, there's almost some mirth to it. "Yeah. Like I said. We got into an argument last time I talked to her. I told her I wanted an apology for her trying to abandon me, before Dad went and ran away. I...haven't spoken to her since."

"Carmine...what the fuck, that's so..."

A silence hangs over the room as Ren trails off, but Carmine breaks the silence after a few moments.

"...Between this, and the rest of the shit I dealt with at school...I...I didn't want Kiki to turn out like me." Carmine sniffles, tears still coming unbidden. "I thought you had to be tough and mean to make it, but I just...I wanted Kiki to grow up happy. I wanted it to have a better life than me. I was this bitter, mean girl, but I thought I could at least make it so my little brother--it'd have a chance at growing up to be a gentle hearted little dork who had something happy in it's life. But all I did...it all just amounted to...to..."

There's a few seconds more of sniffling before the dam finally breaks, and Carmine just starts to sob without an end. She's pretty sure her makeup is running down her face, if it hasn't been already; she finally just breaks, her tears pouring and pouring down as she sobs wretchedly and loudly, her hands finally being relinquished so she can try, in vain, to wipe those tears off. But still they come; the pain of so much more than a simple inciting incident, but still mostly that.

Ren uses their own free hand to wipe away the tears falling from their own eyes, as they just let her for a bit.

"...I want to stop hurting." Carmine speaks up, and Ren starts for a moment as they listen. "I want to stop feeling like the evil person that everyone thinks I am. But what if I'm just born evil, and there's no changing that...?"

"That's--" Ren speaks up, briefly, but Carmine speaks again and they let her get it out of her system.

"I want to make things better. I want to just know if it's all my fault, I want to know if I'm just--if I'm justified, in being unable to forgive Kiki for some of the stuff it did." Carmine sniffles again, wretched sobs still escaping her. "...I want to be able to be happy again, without feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. I want to make my girlfriend's pain go away--I want to make Kiki's pain go away, and fuck, maybe even Atlas' and some of the others. I want the world to just stop for a bit, at least so I can stop aching like this. I...I think I just want, more than anything, for someone to tell me I've suffered enough for this, or at the very least, that I just haven't grown up to become a little clone of Dad."

"...Is that so much to ask?"

The question is soft, full of despair, but it at least feels...somewhat good, to try and dislodge some of the thorns in her. It's painful and it feels dizzying, but Ren's hand remains steady, even if their own tears come down hard.

"...You're a teenager. A teenager shouldn't--you shouldn't ever have to ask that kind of shit of yourself." Ren's words are soft, with an empathy forged in the same shit they went through. Just without a depressive spiral and a shut-in phase. "You deserve to be happy, Carmine. You made a dumb, boneheaded mistake, but that doesn't mean you're evil. And it sure as fuck don't mean that you've gone and become your Dad."

Carmine pauses a bit, her sobs coming slower as she tries to listen.

"None of that shit yer askin' about, none of it's too much. But how's anyone else gonna be happy--how can ya share happiness with others if ya ain't gettin' happiness for yerself, y'know?"

"Because ya do deserve it. Whether ya want to admit it or not. Yer not evil, yer not your dad, you're literally a confused sixteen year old girl who should've never been made to feel like that."

It's shocking to hear, really. All of it is. Ren says it with so much conviction that Carmine almost believes it.

"...I don't want to talk anymore. I...I think I just want to...cry..."

"...Cry as much as you need, girl. I'll be here as long as you need."

"Don't--don't tell anyone about this, Ren. Please. Everyone has enough to worry about, and I...I don't want to put more on them. Please, I already feel bad enough burdening you..."

Ren manages something of a soft, warm chuckle at that. "...No worries, girl. What we talked about is stayin' in here, I swear on my life."

"...Thank you, Ren."

Carmine cries herself out eventually; by the time she's done, the two of them have shifted from the bed to the floor, bringing Carmine's mattress down to floor level so they could distract themselves until Carmine fell asleep. It's no easy fix, listening to a friend, but...if it makes the burden lighter, then Ren has no problem with it.

They were in a similar place many years ago with no one to help them, after all. It's the least they can do.

[qyuoza]

Flower Knows (Choi Beomgyu)

“Huh, this is not what I expected when I said I would see you around, but it’s fancy seeing you here”

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Beomgyu x afab!reader

AU: Flower Shop!au, University!au

Warning(s): None

Synopsis: A cute guy had recently moved into one of the apartments above the flower shop you work at, but who would’ve thought that he was the missing puzzle piece in your seemingly picture-perfect life?

Note(s): This definitely took way longer than I wanted but it was all worth it in the end. I really liked the concept of this fic and hope you guys like it too! I missed writing and hopefully, I can be more consistent in making fics again. I'm sorry for being gone for so long due to writer’s block and other irl responsibilities. ;;

Your life hadn’t always been all that interesting if you were honest, but as someone who didn’t want it to be as mundane and boring, you tried your best to romanticize it to the best of your ability. From your cozy studio apartment that had a beautiful city view, courtesy of saving up like crazy and with the help of your parents, to your easy-going study habits that helped you get by in school. 

Now adding to that list, you also worked at a small flower shop beside your quaint and cozy apartment building. Life couldn’t have been any better for someone like you, the kind of person who appreciates the little things.

“How do you do it?” You hear from behind you. You were too busy spacing out, head tilted and rested against your hand, that you had jumped slightly when one of your coworkers and friends, Kazuha, spoke to you while arranging a bouquet of white roses. The day went pretty slow considering it was a normal Tuesday evening and it started to get dark, so you only had a few customers coming in now and then periodically. Other than that, the shop had been empty for most of the day, the two of you casually lazing around.

“What do you mean?” You ask, confused as to what she is implying. You were slow when it came to these things, at least that’s what you think.

“Your life is so ideal and romanticized, I’m seriously wondering how you do it. I feel like you also have this super secret relationship where you have a sweet and smart boyfriend who’s good at communication. He can also cook and dress well” she laughs.

You chuckle and shake your head in response, you’d doubt you would even find a partner like that in your, almost, picture-perfect life. Everything else you could romanticize, but a relationship? That was out of the question for you. You didn’t believe in it, you thought it just wasn’t meant to be for you and are content with being single.

“I wish Zuha, it’s so hard to find a decent guy these days. I think that’s the only thing I can’t achieve when I’ve been rejected countless times” you laugh awkwardly, trying to brush it off. Kazuha places the bouquet on the counter and goes to grab a ribbon and some newspapers before turning towards you sharply, a confused look on her face.

“Are you serious right now? I’ll go beat them up and conjure up the perfect guy who can love and appreciate you, not like it’ll be hard for you to do that by yourself since you’re already everything anyone could ever want. People’s standards are seriously lower than hell if they’ve rejected someone like you” she huffs while wrapping the flowers neatly. Your face contorts which causes her to mirror your expression.

As the two of you were laughing and bickering amongst yourselves in the shop, you heard the bell ring, indicating that someone had come into the store. Kazuha’s back was leaning against the counter, so you had noticed the customer before she did, and boy was the wind knocked out of you upon seeing his face. Your world stopped short, he looked to be around your age with dark hair and sharp facial features.

“Hi, welcome to La Fleurette! How can we help you today?” You slap on your biggest customer service smile with your voice going up an octave, this causes Kazuha to whip around and also see the new customer and greet him with an awkward quirk on her lips.

“Hello uh— I just moved into a new apartment in this building and I was wondering if you could arrange a small housewarming bouquet? My mother suggested I needed one” he admits shyly. You nod as you start to get to work, gathering a few lilies, forget-me-nots, and white Transvaal daisies to arrange for him.

“These flowers should be a good combination, the white is very easy on the eyes and it gives off a light and pure vibe to make the house a little brighter” You whip up the bouquet quickly and hand it to him before he hands you the money.

“Thank you so much, I’ll see you around then—“ he squinted at your handwritten name tag. “Y/n, pretty name, and pretty handwriting, I’m Beomgyu. I hope to see you more, along with your friend over here” Kazuha waves awkwardly and you reply with a short smile, a bit flustered at his statement.

“Thank you, I’ll see you around as well then Beomgyu, it was lovely meeting you. Take it easy once you settle in” you say sweetly. Beomgyu then walks out of the shop before you see your friend sporting a mischievous grin. 

“What? We always entertain customers nicely, you know that” you whine, but she wouldn’t let up at all. Your friend had finally found some sort of leverage against you, and she wasn’t going to let it go to waste.

“Sure we do customer service all the time, but you two seem like you would have a little something going on” Kazuha teases, nudging you with her elbow.

You groan and walk away from her, he is just a guy that came into the store and happened to compliment you, there was no chance of any feelings blooming from a conversation as small as that.

“Zuha you’re being ridiculous, he is cute but it was nothing other than me being nice and probably him doing the same as well” You retort, and go back to cleaning up.

It was almost time to close up the shop, and you always closed fairly early since it was owned by a sweet older woman whom you and your other four co-workers considered a mother.

"Sure Y/n, keep telling yourself that!" Kazuha laughs from the back, to which you could only sigh in reply. Beomgyu was a customer, it was all customer service, though you also couldn't deny that he wasn’t all that bad looking. It was nice seeing a new face when everyone along your street knew each other.

After finalizing and checking up on everything being in its rightful place, and moving the outside display into the shop, you finally lock up and bid your friend goodbye. Ready for another night full of studying and hopefully achieving your dream as an author, all cooped up in a much better studio apartment, and in a much bigger city.

You walk over to the building just beside the shop and head into the café you frequented and basically became a regular at. You even knew the owner, who was a senior photography major at your university. His name was Kim Seungmin, and the two of you formed a small friendship over the number of times he's seen you at his establishment.

The bell chimes, signaling your arrival and you notice a familiar mop of brown hair from behind the counter making drinks and moving around busily. Seungmin was almost always here working with his friends Jeongin, who was working at the register, and Hyunjin, who was doing his homework in the corner by the looks of it. The café was quite empty, save for four other people including you, so you liked the peacefulness of it all.

“Seungmin! Jeongin!” You smile as you walk towards the register. You were quite happy to see your friends today after a boring day at work, and seeing them immediately brought your mood up quite instantly.

“Y/n! So happy to see you today. The usual? Since you’ve tried everything on the menu at this point” Jeongin chuckles. You nod and roll your eyes jokingly, you’ve tried everything throughout the countless evenings you studied or just chilled there, and it was safe to say you had your favorites and a love-hate relationship with some of the menu items.

“You know me so well innie, and yes! You can just take it where Hyunjin is, I’m gonna go sit with him” you grin, handing over your card to pay. Hearing a huff, you looked in the direction it came from and saw a pouty Seungmin, to which you gave a confused expression back.

“You always pay even though I tell you every time that it’s on the house for my friends, can you at least not do it this once?” Seungmin says. You stifle a laugh and take back your card while giving Jeongin a sheepish smile, but the male only replies with his signature dimpled one.

“Fine, you’re just lucky that I’m feeling tired today to argue” Seungmin does a little victory dance and you chuckle at your friend’s antics. He was always the sweetest thing, so you decided to give in to him at least this once. After all, you deserve a break from working nonstop since the weekend.

You then move over to sit with Hyunjin, who is already looking at you with a grin. It had been quite a while since he’d seen you, so he looked pretty excited upon noticing you walk toward him. The shit-eating grin on his handsome face always meant he had lots of things to talk about. 

“Fancy seeing you here Lee Y/n, how has work been in the flower shop?” Hyunjin immediately speaks up the moment you sit on the chair in front of him.

“Can you not address me like that? Hyunjin, we've been friends for four years stupid, and about the flower shop, work has been pretty slow since it is just that” You sigh for the umpteenth time that day, taking out your iPad from your bag and getting ready to study.

“Any new gossip you have?” The male in front of you chuckles. You suck up your pride and decide to tell him about Beomgyu, who had just moved into the same building where the flower shop was situated. 

“You better not tell a single soul understand? Especially not Kazuha considering that big mouth of yours” you say in a hushed tone. Hyunjin makes a zipping gesture on his lips and you feel a wave of relief wash over you, he’d never rat you out under any circumstances that’s for sure. 

“A new guy moved into one of the apartments in the building next door, he came into the flower shop asking for a bouquet. He’s really cute, but I’m too shy to do anything” you say admittedly, but then grow out of your bashful demeanor after seeing your friend holding in a smile and a laugh.

Truth be told, you were never one to be in love or even have a crush because of how busy your life is, so after hearing about a boy from your own mouth, Hyunjin couldn’t believe it one bit. 

“This guy really did a number on you, because this is one of the first times I’ve ever heard of a boy from you. Except for that time you had a crush on Seung–” you hiss at Hyunjin and throw him a flustered expression. Seungmin was your friend, though you couldn’t deny that you definitely did have a tiny crush on him during the early stages of your friendship. 

“That’s different! I was rejected, you know that” you whisper to him. Your stupid crush truly was the foundation of your friendship to begin with, but you backed off after a year knowing you wouldn’t have a chance with him anyway and ended up getting rejected after he found out through rumors. That’s where it led you to where you are today, a cafe with three of your idiot friends, one of them being a crush that you were over with.

“Tell me about your interaction with this boy. I want to read into what you two might become” Hyunjin snorts, but you know he only wanted to know more about what happened so you tell him. After all, what did you have to lose? It was just a guy you found cute and met for the first time, he only knew your name after all.

“Well, his name is Beomgyu. I don’t even know, to be honest, the interaction was so short but he called my name pretty and said he’d see me around” Hyunjin’s ears perk up at the name and you feel your stomach drop. He beckons Jeongin over as he’s coming in with your order, which indicates that your friend probably knew something about the boy.

Jeongin looks at Hyunjin questionably as he sets your iced caramel macchiato and turkey sandwich on the table, before tucking the tray under his arm, waiting for what the older had to say. Hyunjin clears his throat awkwardly and grins at Jeongin.

“You don’t happen to be friends with a Beomgyu, who just moved into the city, do you?” Your eyes widen in horror as Jeongin nods slowly at Hyunjin’s question.

You were in deep shit, not only were you already talking about a guy you just met, your friends just so happened to know him coincidentally as well.

“Yeah? Why? Did Y/n run into him or something, if I’m not wrong I do know he just moved in next door” You sink into your seat, wanting to crawl into a hole on the spot. There was no escaping the shackles of teasing from your friends as you had always avoided.

“Well, he ran into Y/n today and apparently flirted with her. So what do you have to say about this?” Hyunjin grins like a Cheshire cat, enjoying this entire ordeal way more than you would have liked. 

Jeongin turns to you and adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose before laughing softly. “Beomgyu isn’t flirty by the way, so you’re one of the first Y/n” he teases, but you make a swatting motion as you all hear Seungmin call for him in the background.

“I have to go back to the counter but take that as you like. Have fun, he’s in the same major as you too” Jeongin says with a teasing tone and walks behind the counter, meeting up with a pouty Seungmin, who directs him to the line of customers up front that were ready to order.

You turn to Hyunjin again and take a sip of your macchiato, before also pouting at him. “Well, I guess the promise went down the drain. Remind me to never ever tell you any of my secrets ever again” You huff and look down at your notes, sulking and fiddling with your stylus. 

“I’m sorry Y/n, I thought it would’ve been the perfect opportunity since Jeongin is practically his best bud. It’s honestly funny once you see them together” Hyujin leans back and laughs softly, probably recalling a memory that they had shared. You could only give him a tired smile in response and wave him off, you knew he didn't mean any harm.

After an hour had gone by, you decided to take your leave, knowing you still had to feed your cat and get back on track with the next chapter of your book, not forgetting to buy two extra turkey sandwiches before finally going. 

“Bye, guys! I’ll come back tomorrow and stay longer, but you know how grumpy Luna gets” Seungmin gives you his signature puppy smile with a nod, while Jeongin and Hyunjin give you a wave. 

You make your way into the building and make a beeline for the elevator, just wanting to take a nice shower and lounge around in a hoodie with your cat, catching up on Reply 1998.

“I wonder if anyone’s moved into the apartment across from mine, it’s been empty ever since Yeonjun moved out weeks ago” you mutter to yourself, before hearing the elevator ding.

Yeonjun had been one of your first friends whom you frequently saw at the flower shop, he always made periodic visits to buy bouquets for his girlfriend whenever her flowers finally wilted and he recently just moved in with her, so you haven’t seen him around anymore.

“Luna! I’m home, get your fat ass over here” You call for your cat the moment you unlock your apartment door and see your little ragdoll strut to the door, meowing as she brushes against your leg. Bending down to pet her, you then pick her up and carry her to the living room.

“You must’ve been so lonely today, am I right? Don’t worry, I’ll go fix up your food because I love you so much, and then we can just chill on the couch watching Reply 1998” Luna meows at your words and you giggle, nuzzling your nose into her fur. 

Slipping on a hoodie after your shower, you then go over to the living room to see your cat on the couch already. “I swear you seem like you like watching the show more than me” you mutter, to which Luna can only meow at you again, but before you can even turn the TV on, you notice light coming from the apartment beside yours in your peripheral.

“Seems like someone’s moved into where Yeonjun used to be, do you want to greet our new neighbors Luna?” You pick your cat up and wait by the small window across your neighbor’s apartment. 

You see a figure approach and your jaw falls slack, it’s Beomgyu. How sick and twisted did the universe have to be to put your apartments across from each other’s as well? You don't even get another second to react before Beomgyu sees you and gives you a confused look, immediately opening his window as you go to open yours.

“Huh, this is not what I expected when I said I would see you around, but it’s fancy seeing you here” he jokes. You were thankful that you two could speak at a normal volume and not announce your conversation to the entire city, otherwise, this would have been more embarrassing. Just the thought of a noise complaint over a conversation sent a shiver down your spine, you wanted to lay low and be civil with your neighbors.

“I never expected you to live right across from me either. Crazy how the universe works huh?” You joke, and adjust Luna in your lap. Beomgyu chuckles at your words and leaves the window, to which you could only call out his name in confusion as a response. Though, not even a minute later, Beomgyu had a green Amazon parrot perched on his shoulder, leaving you dumbfounded. 

The parrot then moves down Beomgyu’s arm and rests on his forearm. “You’re kidding me, you’re telling me you have a parrot in that apartment of yours? Isn’t he loud since those birds tend to repeat everything they hear?” You ask, staring in wonder. This is the first time you have ever seen a parrot owner, and it’s safe to say you never expected it to be your cute neighbor.

“One, his name is Toto, and two, he is not loud, he is perfectly fine and knows what an inside voice is! Isn’t that right Toto?” The bird bounces and you hold back a wide smile, you had to admit, the bird was just as cute as its owner, only adding to the charm of it all.

“Point taken, sorry. Well, you can see I have a pet of my own, her name is Luna and she’s really lazy with an attitude” Luna swats at your hand and you pout, failing to notice the way Beomgyu’s vision is clouded with attraction towards you.

He already found you admirable and pretty, now to top it all off, you lived in the apartment across from his with your adorable cat named Luna? Beomgyu was practically melting on the inside. 

“Sorry to cut our conversation short Gyu! I have to finish up my book and put this little girl down to watch Reply 1998, you should definitely come over someday. I don’t have many friends that live nearby, so I’d love to have a visitor” you grin, not sure what came of you.

You barely even invited Hyunjin over or Karina, who was your best friend for that matter, so inviting a boy you barely knew over was definitely out of character.

Beomgyu seems to take in your invitation and smiles yet another charming smile that makes your stomach flip. “I’d love to, and as someone who doesn’t have many friends in this city, I really appreciate it. Thanks Y/n, for your time. You really are more interesting than I thought” he replies cheekily. 

“It’s nothing! Think of it as the start of a blooming friendship, and before you point it out, I did not intend the pun” you mentally facepalm, but Beomgyu seemed to be amused at your joke. “You’re genuinely funny, anyways, just open your window if you ever need me. I’ll run over or at least attempt to climb in, but I swear I don’t plan on robbing you” he jokes back. 

“Goodnight Beomgyu, see you tomorrow hopefully,” you say softly and shut your window. Though, you would have never expected the boy to actually take your words seriously, because he had quite literally and unexpectedly appeared in the seat beside your usual spot that you always sit in during your last class of the day.

You set your bag down and sit, taking out your laptop and a notebook, Beomgyu still seems to be blissfully unaware of your presence, so you clear your throat in an attempt to get his attention. The boy turns and his jaw falls open, which you could only laugh at. 

“Wow, I can’t believe the universe constantly finds a way to insert you into my day. That’s crazy” he laughs, ruffling your hair and then fixing it right after. You wished more of your friends did this, and with Beomgyu, it felt like he’d known you your whole life. 

“Do you want to stop by the shop later? I’m the only one working today so I could use some company” you suddenly quip. It was a joke at first, but Beomgyu really did seem to consider it because he gave you a short nod and a grin. 

“What?! I was kidding because I’d feel bad, but you’re seriously keeping me company?” You were appalled, Beomgyu actually wanted to stay in the shop with you? That was new since your friends would absolutely dread being in the shop for more than an hour, though you’ve grown accustomed to being surrounded by flowers half the time. 

“Well, I have nothing better to do, so why not keep you company? We’re friends now are we not?” Beomgyu chuckles.

The sound had made you flustered and you could only nod as your professor entered the lecture hall, preparing for yet another boring lesson that day, but that would change when you have Beomgyu by your side.

Once your class had ended, you packed up and walked down the halls with Beomgyu by your side, going over the lesson for the day and groaning at the absurd amount of things that needed to be done. Suddenly, as you were about to leave the campus, you ran into Jeongin and Heeseung, who were shocked to see you beside Beomgyu.

“Beomgyu? Y/n? How do you both know each other?” Heeseung asks. If he were honest, he would’ve expected you and Beomgyu to meet through them, but it seems like you beat them to it because you laughed at his words. “Kind of a long story but we met in the shop and found out we were neighbors not long after” you explained.

“No way? You’re the girl he–” Heeseung is immediately cut off by Beomgyu, who clears his throat and awkwardly peeks at you, almost rushing with his expression.

“I think me and Y/n really need to get going, I still have to accompany her to the flower shop” Beomgyu smiles and leads you away, making you wave at Heeseung and Jeongin without another word. 

As you crossed the street where your buildings were located, you wanted to ask Beomgyu what on earth Heeseung was talking about but decided not to pry since you guys didn’t know each other like that yet, so you kept your mouth shut. 

“Do you want to get food or anything? I’ll be working until around six or something, so you’re really free to come back since you live in the same building” you say, pushing the door of the flower shop open to greet your other co-worker, Chaewon, who you were taking over for the rest of the day.

“I don’t mind, but you might be bored out of your mind the first three hours, so I’ll keep you company. Contrary to popular belief, I actually like peace and quiet most of the time” Beomgyu explains. You nod and move towards his bag, which he hands to you hesitantly.

“I’m taking these to the back so that you don’t have to carry your bag around, by the way, this is my co-worker and senior, Chaewon. She’s been working here longer than I have and she’s in our circle” Chaewon smiles and waves at Beomgyu before heading back, getting ready to clock out.

“Nice to meet you! Y/n told me about you and how you were friends with Jeongin and Heeseung, welcome to our little group” Beomgyu nods in response and waits for you by the front, sitting on a chair that was just beside the counter. He was happy to find a lot of friends in just a short amount of time, he was worried about not finding anyone at all besides his current friends but was grateful that he met you. It was like fate almost.

You emerge from the back in a simple polo shirt and jeans with an apron thrown over it that had an embroidered ‘La Fleurette’ on the front of it, along with your handwritten name tag that he had grown fond of. “Did you wait long?” You ask, tying your hair in a messy bun just to get it out of the way.

“Not long, don’t worry. By the way, I wanted to ask about that apron of yours, it looks so cute. Did the owner by any chance encourage you guys to embroider that any way you liked?” Beomgyu points at the lettering on your uniform.

You hum at his question, remembering that the owner, Mrs. Kim had taught all the newbies how to embroider and encouraged them to customize their uniform as they liked, as long as it was minimal and not too out there. 

“Yup, the owner taught us herself! She teaches all the newbies these things, and she’s the sweetest. You have to meet her some time” you reply softly and start taking out any orders that need to be prepared. Beomgyu watches and his curiosity is piqued, he wanted to help somehow instead of just going on his phone and being a nuisance in the store.

“Hey Y/n, could you teach me how to arrange a bouquet by any chance? I want to help you somehow” he pipes up. You take a glance over towards him and approach him with a few flowers that were on the counter, along with a few brown papers and brown string. 

You place the items in front of him and can’t help but beam at his enthusiasm. You liked how he shared some interest in the boring and mundane job that you’ve grown to love after a year of working in the shop near your home and university. It was refreshing and heartwarming to you.

“Here, you can take any flower from here that you think would make a pretty arrangement and then I’ll teach you how to wrap it” Beomgyu inspects the flowers set in the small bins on the table and takes a few baby breath flowers, different colored roses, and some stray stems, before experimenting. Though you wondered how on earth he knew about adding the stems, you decided to ask him after, impressed at his amazing guess.

After five minutes of observing him, you notice how beautiful his arrangement came out and quickly move on to the next step to wrap it, to which Beomgyu eagerly responds to your instructions.

“Ok so put it here in the center, and carefully wrap the paper around it. There, now you can tie it” You show him and Beomgyu wraps the bouquet carefully before finally tying the string around it. You see the little sparkle in his eye as he completes his first bouquet and looks at you for approval. “Pretty for someone who claims they’re doing this for the first time, I like it a lot actually” you admit shyly. Truthfully, you wanted the bouquet for yourself, it was really beautiful and it was from the cutest boy you could’ve ever laid your eyes on. 

“Take it then, I mean, your boss wouldn’t mind, right? I could even buy it just so you could have it” Beomgyu says carefully. You blush and shake your head, there was no way you could just let him do this. Ms. Kim really wouldn’t mind, but the thought of Beomgyu giving it to you without a second thought made you flustered. He was really thoughtful because ironically enough, no one had ever given you a flower despite you working at a flower shop. 

“Ms. Kim wouldn’t mind, but I’m embarrassed that you’re giving it to me. I mean, don’t you have a special someone or something?” You mutter, hiding your face from Beomgyu’s eyes on you. ‘Why is he so good at holding eye contact? This is making me shy’ you thought.

“Y/n I wouldn’t be here if I had a girlfriend you know, I rather the prettiest girl I know has this bouquet. I mean, you deserve it” he says honestly.

You wondered how on earth Beomgyu was so open with his attraction towards you, but it’s not like you hated it. Maybe it was finally time to pursue a guy you showed interest in. 

Three hours had passed since your shift started and Beomgyu still hadn’t left because he seemed to really enjoy your company. Aside from occasional customers coming in and out, you both talked about everything from your families, your dreams, your and even your favorite things. You didn’t want it to end, and the moment felt too good to be true. You and Beomgyu even shared similar views and had a lot in common more than you thought.

“I said I would leave after three hours, but I don’t want to leave just yet, you know. I really like talking to you, and it’s insane how we haven’t exchanged contacts yet, so can I have your number and your socials if ever?” Beomgyu says dreamily.

You giggle at his tone and nod, writing your number down on a piece of paper and your Instagram account before going to the back to get his bag. Three hours passed like a breeze because of Beomgyu, so you had no problem spending the remainder of your shift alone because he also had to get going.

“I told you, I don’t want to leave you!” Beomgyu whines, but you shake your head and scold him. He was stubborn but you found it adorable. “You have to get work done and I can’t keep you here all day you know, you need to keep Toto company too. Tell you what, when I close up let’s go to the cafe next door, deal?” You made a suggestion and Beomgyu seemed to hesitate but took up your offer, pouting at the fact that he had to leave you.

“Fine, but you have to text me right after your shift so I can walk with you” you agree and watch Beomgyu leave with him adorably waving at you, to which you wave back and see his form disappear. Then you sigh and squeal with your heart pounding. You wanted to get to know him for a bit longer though, so you settled for acting friendly and getting to know him as a friend first, you wanted to play it safe when you barely knew him for a day.

Around a month had gone by since Beomgyu had moved into the city, and he settled into your friend group quite nicely. He got along well with everyone and had no problem talking to any of you, so you had grown even more fond of him the more you hung out with him. It was usually you two anyway, the duo that felt like they were attached at the hip and couldn’t get enough of each other. You studied at the library together, went shopping, and constantly called until late into the morning.

“Are you sure you two aren’t dating yet? Beomgyu posted you on his story last night where you both went to a diner down the block, and that doesn’t seem like something two besties would usually do” Yeji yawns. By now, everyone seemed to see you two as a couple, but you still brainwashed yourself into thinking it was all platonic in a sense. It just wasn’t the same as someone like Hyunjin though, being with Beomgyu was different. 

“Best friends in the process of dating I guess, I mean we haven’t exactly established what we want to be, so I’m not sure where to go from here,” you say groggily and without much thought. It was an hour until closing and the day was surprisingly busier than most, so you couldn’t wait to get takeout from Seungmin’s café and lay in your bed with Luna while reading a new book that was recommended by Soobin.

“Well, you need to make the first move or something because you will not get anywhere if you hesitate” Yeji smacks the back of your head playfully, and you frown at her. You didn’t want to make any advances that would possibly make Beomgyu uncomfortable, but you couldn’t find the right time either.

Right at that moment, the bell chimes and you are ready to serve yet another customer, but your heart falls out of your ass when you see it’s the exact person you both talked about just a minute ago.

“Hey Y/n, don’t worry, I’m not here to ask for a bouquet, yet, but I wanted to ask you if you know–” Beomgyu pauses, noticing Yeji sneaking away to give you both a moment alone, before continuing once she’s out of sight. 

“As I was saying uh if you wanted to go on a date? Just us, and since we’re both not really the type to go out a lot, I wanted to invite you over” he adds. You look at him, flustered at how open he is, and nod as you take up his invitation.

“I would love to, when?” Beomgyu was now blushing and couldn’t bring himself to look at you, he finally plucked up the courage to ask you out after a month and you were just as eager as he was. His heart couldn’t take it.

“Tomorrow? It’s your day off isn’t it, so yeah I guess tomorrow at like three maybe?” You fiddle with your fingers bashfully and nod, it was perfect and you actually liked the idea of staying in.

“That’s perfect for me, I’ll just come over then,” you say sweetly. Beomgyu looked shy and bid you goodnight before walking back to his apartment.

When he was gone, Yeji burst from the back room and cheered for you. You were finally going on a date with Beomgyu? It felt like a dream, you just couldn’t believe it. After pining after him for a month, you were finally going to be with him. 

“Looks like our little miss has a perfect life, finally found the last missing piece of the puzzle, her perfect boyfriend” Yeji teases. You click your tongue and shush her as you both get ready to close up the shop. You just couldn’t believe it, Beomgyu really did feel the same way and you were relieved he made the first move because you both had waited far too long.

In Seungmin’s cafe, you immediately go to tell him and the others the news. Jeongin doesn’t seem to be surprised but Hyunjin was just excited as you were and Seungmin hands you your order with his eyes wide open. “I mean it was bound to happen, he can’t and never will shut up about you Y/n'' the blood rushes to your face at Jeongin’s revelation. 

“Hope you have fun and stay safe, you two were cowards but I’m glad he made the first move. Again, Y/n don’t overthink it ok? Just be yourself, I’m feeling a confession coming in so don’t try too hard” You thank Hyunjin and apologize for rushing home, but it was just one of those days and they understood anyway. It was a big thing to see you finally dating someone.

You unlock the door to your apartment and almost scare your cat as you hurriedly place your things down, almost forgetting to leave food for her before showering and doing your entire night routine. Once you were in your pajamas, you proceeded to pick a comfy outfit for you to laze around in. You never thought about what to wear, but you grab a hoodie Beomgyu left and a pair of pajama shorts for tomorrow. 

“Luna, should I do my makeup tomorrow?” Your cat meows in response and you nod. Maybe light makeup would suffice, you didn’t want to see your soon-to-be boyfriend looking all roughed up like usual. You then hang your outfit in front of your closet and walk over to your desk which faces the city, you could never get tired of the pretty view as you write your book. 

You open the file of the last chapter file and smile at how far you’ve gotten. You were still in the second chapter when you met Beomgyu, but ever since then you’ve been inspired and now you’re finally at the last few pages before you’re ready to publish it. 

“Can you believe this is about a girl not believing in love until someone comes along to prove her wrong? Thank you to that song for inspiring this and to Beomgyu for helping me finish this book” You laugh and cradle Luna close, burying your nose into her fur. 

To say you didn’t believe in love was an understatement, but it felt like a switch had flipped inside of you upon meeting Beomgyu. You never told anyone about your views on love, usually brushing it off as just you not finding the right person, but ever since you could remember, you’ve only ever been rejected by every person you’ve shown interest in. 

You choked it up as maybe you not being attractive enough for anyone, or maybe you were lacking in a way, but Beomgyu had proved you wrong completely. You thought you could survive being single and were content with it for a while until he came along and showed you that love was something worth waiting for.  

“I finally feel complete Luna, and I’m grateful I was patient enough to be able to experience the thing I used to dread completely” you whisper. Luna nuzzles back against you and you sigh in contentment.

Love had a weird way of squirming itself into your life at the most unexpected moment and in the most unexpected ways. That night, you went to bed with a smile on your face and with your heart racing for the first time ever. 

The date had come quicker than you had initially expected since you woke up at around noon and only had enough time to shower, eat brunch and feed Luna before you started to get ready. You put on Beomgyu’s hoodie and your pajama pants before putting on only concealer, mascara, and brown eyeliner, spraying on a bit of your favorite perfume after.

You pick out a pair of your favorite fluffy socks and put them on, not forgetting to bring your wallet, phone, lip balm, and other essentials in a small tote bag before putting your sandals on and heading over to Beomgyu’s apartment right on time.

“You could’ve texted me and I would have come to get you downstairs, but you’ve been here a handful of times. Come in!” Beomgyu is in awe at your appearance, he never expected you to turn up in his hoodie, making you look even more adorable than ever. You could say the same about him, even in a simple pair of sweats and a shirt, he still looked handsome as ever. 

“What’s first on the agenda today Gyu?” You giggle and set your bag down, before seeing a switch wired up to the TV and an array of games right beside it. “No way?! You actually bought a switch, I can’t believe you. I guess scoring a part-time job at a fancy restaurant has its perks” you joke. 

“I work minimum wage, I had to save up like crazy but I honestly just wanted to buy one so I could play with you since you had one. I mean, I even started grinding on Animal Crossing like a madman” Beomgyu follows you and plops onto his couch as you inspect the games he had.

You felt shy almost, he really bought a switch just so you two could play together? What kind of person would go through that much effort just for you? Only Beomgyu would.

“You’re crazy you know that, but that’s really cute of you. You should be glad I brought mine, but first, let’s play Mario Kart” You grab the controller and hand Beomgyu the other one, making his heart race.

This date was probably one of the best impulsive decisions he had ever made, and seeing your smile was worth the countless shifts he’s worked to get the console. 

From bickering over who won to sharing takeout, and now settling down while watching Harry Potter, you couldn’t have asked for anything better. That was until Beomgyu suddenly got up and you wondered where he was going.

“Wait there, I have to do this no matter how cheesy it might seem” Beomgyu calls out from his room. You chuckle and pause the movie, you needed all of your focus to be on the man since he was doing something special for you. 

Beomgyu comes back holding his guitar and your heart starts racing again. Was he going to sing you a song? And your thoughts were correct as he sat in front of you with a bashful look, tuning his guitar to avoid your gaze. He never thought he could ever love someone so much to the point where he could even write an entire song for them. 

Beomgyu sucks in a breath and looks at you with love in his eyes, there was no turning back from this and honestly, he had nothing to lose. He liked you so much that he’d be willing to do anything for you, so when he sees you tear up upon him finishing the song, he decided to confess everything he’s felt towards you.

“Y/n, my other half that I would’ve never expected was just within my reach. From the first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew you were my everything and threw every thought away. You were on my mind every waking moment and now I fully understand that I love you,” Beomgyu says and takes your hand in his before continuing.

“You made me learn how to show affection towards the one you cared for, doing everything in my power to even see you happy. The countless bouquets I got weren’t even for anything specific, I just needed to see you because you’re prettier than any flower in that shop for that matter. Seeing how passionate you were about your job and how much you cared for others only made me want you more,” he pauses to take in a breath, and you let out the one you didn’t even know you were holding.

“I was broken when you told me about the countless rejections you’ve gotten, how could they not appreciate the most amazing person right in front of them? I will never understand when knowing you was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me, and I hope you know that I will wait for you however long you want me to because I will love you with all my heart” Beomgyu ends his confession and you don’t take another second before crashing your lips against his. You pull away and look at him before letting out a confession of your own because who knew you both felt so deeply for each other? 

“You, are one of the main reasons I started to believe in love again. I was a hopeless romantic writing a book about a girl giving up on love, but you inspired me to make her feel it again. You showed me that love is worth waiting for and that it always comes in the most unexpected ways, I love you so much Beomgyu, I hope you know that. You don’t need to wait a moment longer when I want you just as much” you breathe out. 

Beomgyu kisses you again and he smiles against your lips, nothing else mattered at that moment except the two of you. Even if love really did take its time, it brings the right people together and the wait is worth all the heartbreak and growth in the process.

© qyuoza 2023 -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.

[bloodythornsandskulls]

Addressing some stuff in regards to my old accounts

This account is not me ( @thornsandskulls )

What I liked in the past had nothing to do with anything. I am inexperienced in the whole rp scene and I would’ve appreciated it if it was brought up to me instead of just being blindsided. I have learned from my errors and I’m striving to be better.

Like I said before I’d appreciate maybe some communication about what I did wrong and what I can improve on.

Contrary to popular belief I am actually an adult despite the rumours. I was born in 2005.

I respect wishes and boundaries and I’ve parted ways with some individuals and I’d intend on continuing to respect their wishes.

My old accounts were deleted because I want a fresh start and I also wanted to come back to my original account which is this one.

I am an adult and I intend to act like one and just ignore this stuff going forward.

I can change my mind about stuff I enjoy easily depending on the topic and for the post that people noticed I don’t like that fetish/kink and I am here to clarify that.

I haven’t even had time to properly deal with everything due irl stuff but I’m not trying to make excuses for myself.

I have no intention of running a smear campaign for anyone/anything and I’d appreciate it if others did the same.

In conclusion this is all just purely childish and could’ve been handled better. Isn’t communication key to a proper relationship? I’d think so. Being apart of the rp community is built on communication for plots/other stuff. Next time just fucking tell me when I do something to make you uncomfortable/upset please let me know.

Now I am returning to my break and I’d prefer to not open this app to some stuff that could’ve been handled better by both parties turning into a childish mess.