#and has woken up every so often sniffling again so i feel like i can't even sleep

[wereverine]

i got maybe 40 mins of sleep before being woken up 3 hours ago i am going to be horrifically sleep deprived in the morning

[leighsartworks216]

Butterfly's Repose

Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Two fics in such a short span of time?! Yeah, I'm procrastinating. I actually wasn't going to finish this little thing I started in my notes today, but then I got an idea for how to continue it and HAD to get it out. So here it is

Title comes from "Butterfly's Repose" by Zabawa

Warnings: nightmares, crying, references to past abuse, low self-worth, hurt/comfort

Word Count: 804

Main Masterlist

First Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist - Second Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist

AO3

Tag List Form

Arms squeeze tighter around your middle. You don't notice at first - you've just woken up and your brain hasn't caught up yet, and having arms around you like this is not unfamiliar or strange. In fact, you know right away that it's Astarion. You'd fallen asleep in each other's arms, wrapped around each other with intertwining legs and faces pressed into necks and shoulders.

He shifts so his head rests squarely over your chest, and again you think nothing of it. You relax back into the bed, into your pillow and the warm sheets. Sleep starts to claim you again, grabbing you with syrupy tendrils that make it hard to think.

But then you feel something wet against your skin. Wet and hot, and he's trembling. You force your eyes open, fighting against the desire to sleep. You can't see his face in the dark, but you know. You know he's crying.

You slowly begin to slide your fingers through his curls, careful not to startle him or pull at any knots. "Star?" you murmur into the dark. "What's wrong? What happened?"

A choked sob rips from his throat. There’s no point hiding his tears now. He tries to speak, but he can’t come up with anything. All he can do is shake his head and press further against you.

You wrap your arm around his shoulder to hold him close and fully begin to play with his hair in all the ways you know he enjoys. You shush him gently, kissing the top of his head. “You’re safe, love. You’re safe. Nobody is going to hurt you here.” Another harsh sob wracks his body, and you begin rubbing up and down his back. “It’s okay. Let it out. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

It must have been a nightmare or a memory - nothing else could upset him this much, and he flipped between trances and normal sleep so often it was hard to know which he’d endured. You would kill Cazador over and over again if it meant removing Astarion’s suffering. You’d kill the bastard 200 times - once for each year of life he ruined for your lover. And a million more for every other life he ruined.

His fingers curl into the fabric at your back, holding on as though letting go would cause him to fall off a deep precipice. But you wouldn’t let that happen. Not for as long as you live - and further if you had any say in the matter.

Sleep does not come to visit again. You’re too worried for the man in your arms to care. By the time his crying has softened to whimpers and sniffles, you can see the orange of the sun trying to break through the dark curtains. And still you don’t care.

When the whimpers reduce further to mere shaky breaths, you know it has finally passed. You kiss his head again, whispering into the white hairs that tickle your face just how proud you are of him, how much you love him, how strong he is. You’d never stop until he finally got it through his brain just how true each word was.

He pulled away and you let him, watching as he cringed and tried to wipe away the wet spot he left on your skin. You chuckled gently and grabbed his hand to stop him. “It’s okay, love, I don’t mind.” He sighs, relenting. He can’t meet your eyes. You wonder if you were in his dream.

“I’m sorry,” he croaks out. You immediately shush him again.

“It’s okay, my love. Thank you for trusting me.”

He sighs shakily, eyes closing. He’s relieved. When he opens his eyes again, he notices the sun’s orange glow behind the curtains, just as you had. “Gods, I’m sorry,” he says, “I didn’t mean to keep you up all night.”

You cup his cheek and lift his head just so you could place a kiss to his forehead. “It’s okay. Just means we get to have a lazy day in bed.”

He holds your wrist and turns into your palm. “You’re too good to me.”

“And you deserve every second of it.” He kisses your hand, but argues no further. “C’mon, love. I’ll hum to you for a bit, how does that sound?”

It must sound perfectly lovely, because he wastes no time repositioning so his head is tucked into your shoulder, nose pressing into your neck. His hands rest loosely on your back now. You continue to stroke and comb through his hair and hold him close. He can feel the vibrations of your voice as you begin humming a quiet lullaby. They mix with the heartbeat thrumming through your pulse and the breaths you take to continue singing. A symphony of sound to reassure him you’re alright. You’re alright.

---

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[spin-birdie]

kinktober day 24: dacryphilia

prompt list

word count: ~630

pairing: tav (oc)/astarion

rating: explicit

additional tags: transmasc tav, pegging(?), references to cazador, soft affectionate sex

Thorn is almost glad he can't feel what his strap-on feels. It means he can concentrate on keeping his thrusts gentle and even, on stroking Astarion's cock slowly and firmly, on keeping him at the height of pleasure without giving him too much too soon.

It's not often that they do it this way. Thorn much prefers to be the receiving partner, and Astarion is fine with that. But this time of year - the month they slew Cazador - it has an effect on Astarion.

He always tries so hard to carry on like normal, but he's never been a subtle actor. He's all nerves and fury, jangling just beneath the perfect rakish smile he hides behind out of instinct. He has the ambient energy of a cracked bell, his words discordant and jagged and paved over with honey.

Thorn can see past all of that. He always has. Astarion is a ball of anxiety and stress right now, and Thorn's the giving type. He offered a massage, which was well-received, and now…here they are. With Astarion sobbing into a pillow.

Thorn's hips falter slightly, and he reaches up for the pillow with his free hand. "Are you okay, love? Let me see your face, please."

When Astarion moves the pillow, his eyes are red and puffy, and he sniffles loudly.

Thorn's eyes widen. He stops moving. "What's wrong?"

'Did I do something wrong? Do you need to stop?' are all questions on the tip of his tongue, but he forces himself to be silent. And he's glad for it, because Astarion shakes his head a moment later, a shaky laugh bubbling out of him.

"Nothing," he gasps. "Just…k-keep going, please…"

"Are you sure?" Thorn asks, apprehension needling away at him.

"Yes!"

Thorn jolts when he feels Astarion's feet pushing into his buttocks, abruptly urging him forward. He catches himself with an arm either side of Astarion's chest.

"I'm okay… I'm okay," Astarion sighs, voice heavy with emotion. He wraps his arms around Thorn's shoulders. "Keep going, come on…"

When Thorn takes the hint and moves once again, Astarion throws his head back. His lips and tongue move, but he makes no sound until a moment later. When he does, it's a breathy wheeze, and his face contorts like he's in pain. He dissolves into sobbing again, fingers desperately clutching at Thorn's shoulder.

Just when Thorn is about to ask again what's wrong, Astarion begins to babble: "It's so good," he whispers. A hiccoughing sigh shudders through him as fresh tears roll down his face. "G-Gods…I love you…"

His voice is wispy, barely loud enough to hear over the creaking bed, his words often interrupted with sudden hiccups and sharp breaths.

It's…really uncommon to see Astarion in such a state. Every instance Thorn can recall is related to Cazador in some way; the breakdown he had over the man's corpse, and a few dozen nights over the past few years where Thorn was woken by screams and panicked tears.

Now that he thinks about it, this might be the first time he's seen Astarion cry outside of a panic attack. Something about it pulls strings on his chest, and he feels his heart pounding, blossoming into something too intense to bear.

As he shushes Astarion, he thrusts just a bit harder. Part of him wishes he could feel the strap-on, now.

"It's okay," he murmurs, leaning down 'til their chests are touching. He kisses Astarion's cheek, lips coming away wet and salty, before resting his chin on Astarion's shoulder.

"You're doing so well," he whispers. feeling Astarion's cock throb in his hand. "Don't be afraid to cry. You're safe with me, my love."

Astarion gasps deeply, his sobbing interrupted by a loud, throaty moan. Thorn kisses his neck in silent praise.

[straightouttaneptune]

It girl pt. 6 - They know

Pairing: Mentor!Natasha Romanoff x Mentee!Reader, Platonic!Avengers x reader, Peter Parker x Reader

Warning: This chapter is just angst. Maybe a little fluff in the end if you squint hard enough. But the Bonus Scenes are pure fluff. xx

Summary: Natasha had once joked about picking a random new recruit trainee to teach all her skills since Tony had recently become Peter’s mentor. Fury sees this as a legitimate idea, and asks Natasha to choose her protège, code name: “it girl”.

A/N: The long-ass series has finally come to an end. Thank you to all the supporters, and please stay till the end if you wanna read some deleted scenes ;)

Prologue  Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5

———————————————————————

The remaining Avengers returned to the compound completely defeated, no one dared to utter a word as they retreated. For the first time in many years, they lost. Tony's whereabouts were still unknown, and the only string of hope left was the pager that Fury left behind. 

The encounter with Carol Danvers, Tony returning to Earth weak and crushed, it only furthered their sorrow. The realization that Thanos had committed mass-murder on the universe, and they couldn't do anything to stop him. Even their last hope burned out, as Thanos had already gotten rid of the stones.

Natasha coped with losing you like how she always did. Built a thicker wall around her than before, spent her time in the gym and working. Every time she walked by your room in the compound, her mind replayed your smaller figure, twirling around the room in the ballgown you found in the closet. 

She opens the door to land her eyes on the closet door, which you took the liberty of painting the Black Widow logo on it. She wipes a stray tear with her thumb, her soft sniffles loud in the soundless room.

Because of her devoted work, the orphans were safe with shelter and food. The Avengers was running smoothly even though the men just abandoned their work. When the sun shone through the glass walls and the light reflected off of her computer, it was fine. But once the moon rose in the dark night, her ears played cruel tricks on her, making her hear the little hums and laughs of yours. 

"Natashen'ka. That's actually a pretty cool nickname, Ms. Nat."

"Haha, anything to get you to stop calling me 'Ms. Nat'."

During nights like this, she often found herself in the Philosophic room you spent so much time in, looking at little notes and gadgets left behind by you. MINT was a great listener, showing Natasha multiple mini videos of you blowing things up and freaking out. 

You allowed yourself into Natasha's heart in the short span of a year, and she found herself welcoming you into her fragile heart like a daughter she never had. In the 5 years without you, she never forgot about you. She didn't put the stocked up cookies in your cupboard away, and she didn't even think of cleaning up your room in the compound. 

But more and more, she started to heal herself, gradually coming to softly smile when she saw your bedroom door instead of crying.

But everything changed when Scott Lang pulled up into the Avengers Compound, with what seemed like an impossible plan to save the universe. She couldn't give that chance up. Even if it was a one in a million possibility, she wanted to give you a second chance. You were an extraordinary girl, and you were going to do great things someday. She knew that ever since she appointed you 'it girl' of the Avengers.

So she had to speak up when Tony rejected her, Steve and Scott's idea. 

"Tony, think about the kids. Our kids. Please, think about it." Tony instantly understood what kids she was talking about, and his hardened face faltered.

"Our kids are gone." Tony went back into his house, clearly rattled. It was evident that Tony had a hard time dealing with Peter's death like Natasha had with you. 

Which was why it came as no surprise to Natasha when Tony came back to the compound, with his time heist machine all figured out. The one she didn't expect, though, was being in this situation. 

"Natasha, you can't. Y/N needs you." Clint sobbed, being held up by Natasha's grappling hook. He tightened his grip on her, who only had Clint to hold on to from falling to her death. 

"She's strong, Clint. She's- so strong." She choked back a sob, readying herself for what she was going to do. 

"No, no... Damn you!" Clint's eyes shot up to the ominous clouds, taunting him to let go of his best friend. 

"Let me go." Natasha looked at him in the eyes, pure determination in her eyes. Her mind replayed every moment of her life, trying to remember every Avenger's smiling faces and carving them in her mind. 

"It's okay." She snaked her hands away from his, kicking against the cliff to jump off. She felt her stomach drop from the fall, her beautiful smile gracing on her lips. She closed her eyes and imagined you, your big doe eyes looking up at her with a twinkle in your gaze. She couldn't remember why you looked so happy, but your smile never left her as the air from her lungs got knocked out, followed by falling into a long, sweet sleep. 

Clint could only watch as she fell, hitting the ground lifelessly. Tears fell down his cheeks, sobbing uncontrollably before he fell unconscious as well. 

☾

As soon as you walked out of that portal, the first person you looked for was Natasha. When you couldn't seem to locate where she was, you just assumed that she was somewhere in the big crowd. The battlefield was big, and it was normal for you to not be able to see your teammate. 

You were left clueless, even as you watched Tony's life end before your eyes. You held Peter in a tight embrace, balancing him while his shoulders trembled as he cried for the fallen hero. You walked in silence as Steve carried Tony into what remained of the compound, still too busy comforting Peter to notice Natasha wasn't there. No one wanted to tell you, for they saw how broken Peter looked then, and they didn't want to do this to you too.

But ultimately, when Peter moved from you to beside Tony, you glanced around to look for and hug Natasha. Only then, did Clint work up the courage to tell you the truth. You stood in front of him for a few second unmoving, your mind completely frozen and malfunctioning. 

"She-she sacrificed herself for the stones." 

"No." Your hand flew up to your mouth, shaking your head as tears pooled in your eyes. The tip of your nose burned, and you found yourself falling on your knees. Your knees sunk into the dirt, teardrops threatening to spill. You let out a strangled cry, muffled by your hands. Steve was right by your side, pulling you into a hug as you broke down in his arms. 

"I know, Y/N, I know." Steve was one of Natasha's best friends, and he was one of the first people you met in the compound. He understood the pain, that hopelessness of realizing that you'd never be able to see her again. 

“Natashen'ka.” You mumbled in between sobs, tears soaking Steve's tac suit. But he didn't mind, he stayed on the ground crying with you. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night, and only in your dreams did you find a little peace. That only lasted so long before you were woken up by Steve, who handed you a white letter and a cup of tea. 

You thanked Pepper mentally for giving you a clean change of clothes, walking out of Tony's cabin in the crisp weather. Peter sat on the porch, looking out into the small lake. 

"Hi, Pete." You greeted, your usual chirpy tone gone. 

"Y/N. I'm so glad you're okay." Even though the loss, he still smiled at you, pulling you into a warm embrace. 

"I'm glad you're okay too, Peter." You sighed into his neck, comforted by his usual scent and the feeling of his chest against you. 

Later in the day when the Avengers were all gone to mourn in their own ways, you climbed atop the roof to collect yourself and read Natasha's letter.

My it girl.

If you ever read this, I won’t be around anymore, I’m guessing.

“Ohmygod! I DID IT!!” You squealed and jumped, eyes burning into the perfect shot at the paper shooting board.

“That was amazing!” Natasha laughed, your energy radiating off and rubbing onto her.

“You're already better than Thor.” She traced the bullet hole, grinning brightly back at you. You felt laughter bubbling in your gut, your mind replaying that one time Thor had to try shooting an enemy in battle. He crushed the poor magnum with his iron grip, letting out strings of curse words saying Midguardian weapons were too tiny.

I want you to know that- god, this sounds cheesy. But, you’re my legacy, Y/N.

I’ve done many things in my life. You know that. 

But I can say with certainty, that the best thing I ever did, was choosing you that day.

“I’m sorry! Ms. Nat, please.” Your eyes welled with fresh tears, tugging onto Natasha’s suit sleeves desperately.

“I told you that it was too dangerous.” She turned back around at you and sighed, glaring at the now destroyed HYDRA hideout.

“I’m sorry. I just thought-“

“Thought that you could go in there and save everyone?”

“That’s what you would’ve done!”

“But you can’t do the things I’d do! If anything happened to you, I-“ She trailed off, hands flying up to her head, slicking back her debris-filled hair in annoyance.

“I wouldn’t know what to do then.”

So don’t cry, my Y/N.

Because I’m not gone.

I’m still here.

By your side, always.

You felt like your heart was being beaten with sharp blades over and over again, but you found it in yourself to smile at the letter. By your side, always. You gulped down another wave of intense sobs, looking up at the bright sky. 

You wanted nothing more than for Natasha to pull you in a hug, for her to feed you Wanda's cookies to stop you from crying. Your heart felt empty, glassy eyes searching for purpose in the cloudless blue sky. 

"Y/N." You turned around to see Peter, standing a few feet away from you with a concerned look. He walked over to you and sat down, wordlessly wrapping his arm your shoulder and letting you lean into him. 

"I wish they had a way to know that we're safe, alive because of them." You whispered, afraid that your voice would crack if you spoke. 

"They know." 

BONUS DELETED SCENES

A collection of scenes that were actually written in the stories, but got cut because some of them didn't make sense.

"Where are you two going?" Tony caught you and Peter trying to sneak into one of SHIELD's jets, and you giggled as you turned around. 

"Busted..." Peter grinned at you, the two of you trying to suppress your laughs.

"We're going to... well, see dem aliens." You said suddenly serious, determined eyes locked with Tony's. 

"What?" 

"It's the area 51 raid, sir!" Peter almost screamed, way too excited for his own good. 

"But I own area 51? People are going to raid my property?!" Tony shrieked, running away back into the compound. 

--

"Y/N, who do you think is better looking, me or the spawn of Satan?" Sam rushed up to you, smiling as he pointed at himself, then Bucky.

"Spawn of Satan?" You questioned, watching Bucky with a flower crown eating plums innocently. 

"It's me, right? Hey, Y/N said it's me!" Sam ran away yelling, Bucky narrowing his eyes at you. You raised your hand up, shaking your head confused.

--

"So, the gossip is, Bucky and Steve are totally into each other." Wanda pointed out as she took a bite out of her cookie. 

"Fascinating." You nodded, eyes focused on Wanda dishing out all of the Avengers' gossip.

"But Tony and Steve were like a thing before, so that caused this whole Civil War."

"I don't think-" Vision furrowed his artificial brows and tried to intervene, but Sam shushed him and Wanda continued.

"Oh! Do you want me to spill the tea on Thor and Bruce?"

"Spill!"

--

"So, Y/N. What do you think about Peter?" Natasha's voice had a hint of mischievousness in it, making you redden immediately. " You can't lie to a spy, Y/N."

"I think he's a great friend." Maybe an average person may not have been able to lie to her, but you were fantastic at manipulation. Short reply usually indicated that the speaker was telling the truth, rather than a long explanation.

"Hmm... Okay, then. You won't mind if I told you he likes you. Such a shame..."

"He likes me?" Ugh! A slip-up. She knew now. 

"I knew it! TONY!!" She skipped out of your room and left you internally panicking. 

--

"I say we watch gone with the wind today." It was the Avengers movie night, and you were on the couch snuggled next to Peter. Tony prepared the snacks, which meant that it was as perfect as it could be. You didn't know that there was a limited flavor ice cream named after Tony until today.

"Steve, we've watched that movie 4 times this week."

"It's a great movie!"

"Why don't we watch justice league?" Clint said, making everyone turn to him with crazy looks in their eyes. 

"It's way too dark." You said, shaking your head. 

"But it's supposed to be-" Before Clint could protest, you shook your head.

"No, I mean it's literally too dark. I can't see a goddamn thing."

The Avengers laughed and nodded in agreement, going back to searching for a good movie. 

"Steve, she said a bad language word." Tony squeaked out, and everyone burst out laughing as Steve shook his head. 

"This is literally never going away, Rogers." Natasha chuckled before she took a swig out of her beer bottle. 

--

Thank you so much for reading 'it girl', to every reader who liked/commented/asked to be on taglist, you guys motivated me to continue this far to chapter 6. I hope the ending wasn't too brutal. If it's any consolation, in this story I intended for Steve to stay in the present. Love you muffins xx  - Your Nep<3

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