#and had i not been fucked by car insurance and being an adult i would have gone

[bunni-bun]

🙃.

[gutsyns]

Summary: Ridiculously indulgent. I was curious about what Johnnys personality might be like if he had survived the fire and went to prison, etc, and this was the result.

Moving to Tulsa was definitely not on your bucket list of things to do during your first official year of being an adult, and yet here you were.

The place was a paradox; divided between the upper class suburban areas where people paraded around in poodle skirts and pearls, and the other side of things where the houses were worn down, some as far as decrepit, and the glint of steel from a drawn switchblade was more common than a simple, “Hey, how are ya?”

You glance around, weary, as your father and sister unload the van. Once upon a time, you may have found yourself living on the other side of things, rubbing elbows with future soccer moms of Tulsa, making nice with all of the high school baseball stars that would one day take over their fathers car insurance companies, but not anymore. Not since the years of hospital bills, that had built up to the point that college was a mere dream to be scoffed at.

You sigh, kick some dirt. Squint at your new ‘home’. It’s almost identical to all the others around the block, small and kind of run down looking, but at least all the windows are intact and there’s a decent sized porch. Summers in Tulsa, at least, were supposed to be hot and you could almost picture it already; sprawled out on a deck chair, ice cold lemonade in your hand.

If you weren’t working all of the hours that god sends, that is.

“Are you going to stand there looking dim, or are you going to come help us?” Your sister snaps from the back of the van, a few boxes already stacked in her arms.

You scowl at her, but dutifully move forward and take the boxes out of her arms. She sighs, rubbing her forearm against her damp face. Her hair is lank with sweat, face flushed, but she’s still as pretty as she ever is. Blonde and blue eyed, she’s the perfect specimen for California, but you’re not sure how that’s going to translate here in Tulsa. It makes you pause, staring at her as you worry your lip.

“What?” She asks, sharp. “What are you looking at? God, you’re being so strange today.”

“Gee, I wonder why.” You snip back, “Not like we’ve just uprooted our entire lives to move to the bum-fuck of nowhere.”

Your sister scowls at your defensiveness and you glower back, but there’s a sad little voice in your head that wonders at how the two of you got here. You used to be so close. Twins, after all, were generally each others first best friends. And that’s what you had been, for a long time, before your hangout sessions began to be held in hospital rooms instead of the mall, and instead of your biggest worries being what you were going to wear to prom, it was now how were you both going to hold together all of your fathers broken parts?

“Girls.” The aforementioned man chimes in. “That’s enough.”

He sounds disappointed enough that you break eye contact with your sister- a sign of weakness that normally couldn’t be afforded- and scrutinise him. His plaid shirt hangs from his slight frame, and theres a bone-tired air that seems to cling to him. The dark circles under his eyes whisper that there’s not much left of the day for him to see, so you relent and take a pointed step back.

Your father smiles slightly- or, at least tries to. It comes out as more of a grimace, than anything.

“This is supposed to be our new start. Just-“ he breaks off, hissing through his teeth. “Just try to pretend you like each other, okay? At least until we get unpacked, that’s all I ask.”

Guilt tugs at you, so you nod your head without another word and begin to make the trek into the house with the boxes. You plop them down in what you assume will be the living room, glancing around at the cobwebs and dust trails along the window pane.

California suddenly feels like a lifetime away, and a yearning fills you that nearly knocks the breath out of your lungs. You wonder, idly, what your friends back home are doing right now. You picture them laughing, skin warm and glistening under the ever-present sunshine. You close your eyes, and can almost smell the salt of the ocean, feel the warm glow of sunshine against your skin.

But then you open your eyes and you are still here, in this dust infested, shell of a house. You watch your father and sister struggle to get the boxes from the van, bickering under their breaths with one another, and something inside of you seems to go quiet. You shut out the feeling of the sunshine, because what good is it here, in this place?

You push it down, into the same box that you’ve locked away the sound of your mothers laugh, the smell of her favourite perfume, and you shove it deep, deep down. Your fathers right; this is supposed to be a new start.

There’s no room for the past here.

-

It’s six in the evening before you make your way downstairs, a thin sheet of sweat coating your entire body and pounding in your temples that won’t seem to go away, no matter how much water you throw back.

Between you, your father and your sister, you all managed to make a good amount of progress to the house. It wasn’t even close to being finished, but nothing more would be done tonight.

You comb through the rooms, looking for your sister. You’d left her downstairs around an hour ago as you’d hauled your father, exhausted and heavy limbed, to bed. The two of you had shared a knowing glance when his eyes had started to droop, and it hadn’t taken long for him to succumb to his exhaustion. Unfortunately this was just a new part of normal life, and something that you both inevitably had to deal with.

The downstairs is quiet, no sign of life. You cock your head, ears straining and… is that music?

You follow the low thrum, and it brings your out onto the porch. Your deck chairs from back home have been pushed onto it clumsily, and theres a small table placed between them, portable radio and two tumblr glasses shoved onto it.

Your sister is sprawled out on of the chairs and, when you make a low noise of questioning, she blinks up at you lazily and gestures with a bottle of bourbon.

“Want one?” She questions, and it’s the white flag that’s needed.

“Or ten.” You sigh, sliding into the chair beside her.

It’s quiet for a moment, just the low thrum of the music and the tinkling of glass against glass. The night air is pleasant, warm, and as you shotgun your drink and gesture for another, you almost feel at peace.

“He sleeping?” You sister asks eventually, voice muted.

“Mhm. Gone before his head hit the pillow. He’ll be out until the morning.”

She hums in response, and it is quiet again. You stretch out in your chair, preening in the fading sunlight. The alcohol is making you more relaxed, pliable, and a small smile tugs at your lips as you shield your eyes from the daylight.

“What are you doing out here anyway?”

“Trying to pretend I’m still home.” Your sister says, wistful. “People watching.”

You look at her then, eyebrow arched in question, and she gestures vaguely towards the other side of the street. You lean up on your elbows, squinting, and then finally see what she means.

Across the way is a house that, outwardly, looks much the same as your own. There’s a group of boys out the front of it though, rowdy and boyish as they holler at one another, jumping on each others back, even going as far as to wrestle each other to the dirt. One boy has another in a headlock, while another shouts at them to behave from the front door. Two of them are simply laughing at them from the porch, trails of smoke billowing as the light up their cigarettes.

“Huh.” You comment, interest peaked despite yourself.

Your sister senses this, of course, and sends you a sly grin as she pours you both another drink.

“Should we go say hi?”

You shake your head almost instantaneously.

“Aw, come on.” She pouts. “We’re here for the long haul. Might as well make friends, right?”

You don’t even have time to say just how much of a bad idea that is before she’s jumping up, adjusting her skirt and fluffing her hair as she does so. She stumbles, ever so slightly, and you send a fleeting glance at the bottle of bourbon on the table. Just how many of those had she had before you’d come downstairs?

“How do I look?” She asks, smiling coyly.

Perfect, you don’t say, like always.

Your sister already has an over-blown ego, there’s absolutely no need for you to inflate it any further.

“This is a bad idea.” You say instead. “The people around here aren’t like the ones at home. You heard uncle Miles, this place can be dangerous. Like, real dangerous. Like, killed dead dangerous.”

She rolls her eyes and sends a pointed look towards the boys across the way. They’ve migrated away from jumping on each-other, and are now having a contest to see who can do the best back-flip off of a car. Someone is eating a whole chocolate cake with a fork.

“Yeah, they look real dangerous.” She drawls, shrugging at your dumbfounded face. “Suit yourself. Enjoy trailing around our dust-infested house. I’m going to go find myself some fun.”

She grabs the bottle of bourbon and flounces off the porch without another word. You stare after her for a moment, temples pounding with an on-coming tension headache. It’s a hard burden to bear, being the only person in your family with a lick of common sense.

Stubbornness flares in you as you seethe, watching as your sister hollers a greeting to the bewildered boys, who stop what they’re doing rather abruptly as they watch her approach. You take a small sip of your drink, then another larger one as you watch them hesitantly approach her at the gate.

Screw it, you think, let her make her own mistakes. Why should you always be the one to clean up her messes? So, you stay on the porch and you watch. You watch as she gradually wrangles an invitation into the garden, you watch as the sun begins to fade away and they pass the bottle of bourbon around, you watch as she does her own perfectly executed flip off of one of the cars- which makes you roll your eyes, because you were the one who taught her that- and you watch as, eventually, they all begin to migrate into the house.

And that is where you draw the line- because uncle Miles was very detailed with his warnings about your new found home, and as annoying as she might be on any given day, you’re not about to allow your sister to become a statistic.

Steeling yourself, you force yourself out of the safety of your front porch, and make your way to the other house. It’s about as dark as it’s going to get now, and a cool breeze nips at the exposed skin on your legs. You curse yourself for a moment, forgetting that you were still only in a soft pair of shorts and a tank, but there’s no time to change.

There’s a warm glow coming from the windows of the house, and you can hear rambunctious laughter coming from inside. Gritting your teeth you knock the door, soft at first, then louder when you get no response. There’s a pause in the laughter, soft mumbling, and then light pours into the darkness as the front door opens.

“Well hey there, darlin’.” A clearly inebriated man drawls. “What can we do for ya?”

You take him in for a moment, eyes trailing from his well-worn Mickey Mouse shirt, to his dishevelled greased hair. You blink, fumble for a moment, before finding your words.

“I’d like my sister back, if that’s okay.” You deadpan, leaning forward to knock the door away from his sprawled arm, almost making him topple forward in the process.

“Hey, just wait a damn minute-“ he yelps, affronted, but you push past him and storm into the house.

Multiple pairs of bewildered eyes stare at you but you ignore them, scanning the room for your sister. As soon as you do, you resist the urge to smack a hand to your forehead and grind your teeth once more.

She’s perched in the lap of a man- a man who is giving you an extremely nasty glare- and she is absolutely wasted. Her skirt is askew, blonde hair dishevelled and her eyes narrow in on you, glassy, as she gives you a dopey smile and a little two-fingered salute.

“Oh hey twin!” She crows, words slurring. “You finally made it to the party.”

“Twin?” You hear someone mumble. “They sure don’t look like twins.”

You flush, despite yourself. It’s nothing you haven’t heard before, but it prods at old insecurities and gets your back up all the same. You glare at the general direction of where the voice came from, before focusing back on your sister.

“Home. Now.” Your voice leaves no room for argument, but she’s not picking up on it.

“Don’t be a party pooper.” She pouts, twirling a strand of the mans blonde hair around her finger. He responds with a cool, measured smile that makes your temper skyrocket.

Without warning you charge further into the room and towards your sister, cheeks flushed.

“Are you actually kidding me right now? We have an entire store to set up tomorrow- or should I say I do, since you’re going to be too hungover to be worth a damn.”

At that your sister stills, before sending you a cutting smile that is all to familiar. You brace yourself, but the words still sting all the same.

“Worth a damn,” She parrots, voice cruel. “We all know the only reason you’re on my ass so much is because, out of the two of us, mom knew I was the only one who would be worth a damn.”

And, god, you know that she’s drunk. You know that she wouldn’t say this sober but, the thing about your sister when drunk, is that she is cuttingly honest. She has a reputation for it and, well, maybe deep down there’s a little voice that’s telling you she isn’t wrong.

It takes the breath from you and you gasp, eyes stinging with tears you refuse to let fall. She too blinks, seeming to realise what she’s said. Her hand flies to her mouth, but you shake your head.

“Go home, now. “ You say softly, voice breaking around the edges. “Or so help me god, I will tell dad about every shady stunt you ever pulled back in California. You want to be the one to explain to him why exactly I bailed you out of jail so many times?”

Her eyes narrow, any hint of remorse disappearing in an instant.

“You wouldn’t.” She hisses.

You send her a measured smile, cocking a brow.

“Try me.”

She jumps up from the boys lap, squealing in frustration. Her shoulder knocks roughly into yours as she storms towards the doorway, and you watch half in dismay and half in exasperation as she totters across the road, stumbling and falling a few times. She was going to give you holy hell tomorrow if her legs were scratched up.

You let out a bark of laughter, though it is sucked dry of any humour. There’s absolutely nothing funny about this entire situation- shit, about your entire life.

“God, this day sucks.” You say to no one in particular.

There’s an extraordinarily loud silence in the room, and then-

“Uh- hey, sweetheart. It’s okay. Anything we can do to help ya?” A voice says, sounding unsure and half terrified.

You blink, glancing around the room. Multiple pairs of eyes stare back at you, looking absolutely horrified. You feel a sudden dampness on your face and, with no small feat of embarrassment, realise that you’re crying in a room full of strange men that you have to share your new neighbourhood with.

The one that spoke just has to be about the most handsome boy you’ve ever seen; golden hair, soft and fine, and the most expressive eyes. His full lips are turned down into a sympathetic expression as he stares at you, and you feel yourself flush a bright, brilliant red in response.

“Uh, no, I’m good.” You stutter out, mortified. “I’m awfully sorry about barging in like this.”

The full extent of your actions hit you like a brick to the gut, and you’re so embarrassed that you find you can’t look any of them in the eye.

“S’all right. Lord knows it’s been gettin’ awful tame ‘round these parts. We were all overdo a bit of excitement.” His tone is encouraging, but you don’t dare look at him again.

“I should really get back.” You stutter out, staring determinedly at the wall. “Y’know, make sure she’s okay.”

“Sure.” His soft voice returns. “Hey, Johnnycakes, you mind walking her back?”

“Oh no, that’s not necessary-“

You say, at the same time the mean looking blonde pipes up.

“Why’s Johnny gotta do the charity work?”

Someone steps forward though, directly into your line of vision, and you gasp when you see them. A dark haired boy, tall in a lanky- stretched out kind of way. He’s clad in denim jeans and a black t-shirt, dark skin scattered with discoloured markings that your brain somehow associates with those of burns.

His eyes assess you as you take him in- and, god. His eyes. You’ve never seen eyes like that, so dark that they’re basically black, framed with lashes that would make any girl green with envy. It’s his facial expression that gets you more than anything though: completely stoic, not letting anything in or out.

He’s just about the most intimidating person you’ve ever seen.

“I don’t mind none.” He says, voice deep and raspy. “S’long as you don’t.”

You feel as though this is a test, somehow. He’s watching you, eyes flat and blank, but it’s like he’s waiting for something. What, you don’t know, but it feels important nonetheless.

“Don’t worry ‘bout Johnny.” A younger looking boy pipes up, smiling shyly when you make eye contact with him. “He’s the best of us, really.”

You take a deep breath, eyeing Johnny. He stares back, impassive, then quirks an eyebrow in question.

“Well- sure, then. I guess. Thank you.”

He nods once as he grabs a denim jacket from the sofa, still impassive and then makes an aborted gesture towards the door. You follow him, shaky, but a voice stops you before you can fully exit the threshold.

“Hey, wait a sec.”

An older man approaches, tall and muscular. He looks the oldest of the bunch, maybe mid-twenties and he’s sporting an apologetic look on his face, hand outstretched with a full bottle of bourbon in it.

“Take this. Them hooligans in there just about polished off the whole of your bottle, s’only fair.”

You stare at him for a moment, wide-eyed, before shaking your head in protest.

“Oh no, really, it’s fine. Looks like my sister certainly had her fair share of it anyway.”

There’s no point in trying to explain that there’s never exactly a shortage of liquor at your place, that you all share the same vices when it comes to coping with life- or, more specifically, the curveballs that it liked to throw.

The man is insistent though, going as far as to lean forward and press the bottle into your hands.

“Take it as a sorry then. We’re really not that bad over here, honest. I’m Darry. That one there is my brother Soda-pop.“ He gestures to the handsome one with the soft voice, who smiles, then to the little shy one. “And that there’s my other kid brother, Ponyboy.”

You blink at him, wondering if you’re being taken. When his expression doesn’t change, you offer a wry smile.

“Unique names.”

“You bet.” He offers a smile in return, then hesitates. “We really are sorry ‘bout your sister. Didn’t mean nothin’ by it, she just seemed like she was looking for a friendly face.”

You snort at that, grasping the bottle none-too gently and giving a short eye roll.

“That she was. I’m just glad she found you guys instead of-“

You break off, not wanting to offend them. Darry nods though, grim understanding painted on his face. He scrubs a hand through his hair and gives a curt nod towards your house.

“Nah, you’re right to worry. Ain’t much good about this neighbourhood, but we’re not the ones to be worried about. Get on home now, yeah? Johnny won’t let nothin’ happen to ya.”

He looks at the other boy- man?- over your shoulder, who gives a curt nod in response. With a small smile, Darry shuts the door, taking any of the light that was pooling through with him. You take a sharp breath, suddenly unnerved, and feel Johnny’s eyes on you in the night.

Christ, this whole situation is insane. Why did you agree to let a strange man walk you home? The normal, rational part of your head is screaming at you right now. This is exactly how every horror movie starts, and you’ve walked yourself right into it.

“You fixin’ on sleeping on the Curtis’ porch tonight, or am I walkin’ ya home?”

His raspy voice brings you out of your own head and you gasp, spinning so that you’re now facing him. You can’t see what his expression is doing, but his words make you think he might be making fun of you. Though his voice stays perfectly blank, there’s something in it that you pick up on as nearly taunting.

“Well?” He presses once more, and you glower at him.

“Alright, Jesus. Let’s go then.”

Both of you are silent as you walk, the shifting of gravel under your feet seeming louder than usual. There’s a loud holler from down the street, followed by the smashing of glass and you jump, glancing frantically in the direction it came from.

“S’alright.” Johnny says. “It’s way on down the street. They won’t bother ya. Only fight that types got these days is with each-other.”

You glance up at him, and half of his face is lit up by the streetlights. He glaring straight ahead, jaw tight, clearly uncomfortable. You can’t help but feel bad.

“I really am sorry about all of this.”

Johnny’s jaw loses some of its tension, and he side-eyes you.

“It ain’t a problem. I really don’t mind walkin’ ya home. I’ll be headin’ back myself anyways.”

“Seems a bit silly to be walking me across the street though, no?” You ask, hesitant, but curious now that he seems to be opening up a little to conversation.

Johnny gives a small huff, eyes darting around the empty streets as he does so.

“Round these parts? Ya can never be too careful, doll.”

Something in your brains freezes, restarts and then goes on overdrive at his casual use of the pet name. You can practically feel your face glow, and it doesn’t help that you just know his eyes are on you. You choke slightly and trip over your own two feet, but strong hands grip your forearms and stop you from falling on your face. You glance up, and Johnny is looking right back at you. There’s something a little warmer in that obsidian than before, and it has your stomach doing confusing somersaults.

“Easy there.” He says quietly. “Ya alright?”

“Peachy.” You breathe. “You?”

He stares at you for a beat, confused maybe by the question, before letting out a soft chuckle.

“Yeah, darlin’, I’m alright. You go and get yourself inside now, okay? No more roamin’ around in the dark.”

When you glance up, the both of you are standing outside of your house. The porch light is still on, the radio from before still playing lowly on the table. You can see that light in the room your sister has claimed is still on, but the likely hood of her actually being awake is probably slim-to- none. Your fathers room remains dark, just as you left it. It’s strange to think that he could have slept through all of this; he never would have before.

An odd ache of loneliness creeps through your bones, wholly unexpected. You glance up at Johnny who looks like he’s getting ready to turn on his heel, contemplating.

“Do you want to come in?” You blurt out, not giving yourself a chance to take the words back.

Johnnys eyebrows all but crawl into his hairline. It’s the most expressive you’ve seen him all night. His dark skin flushes and, shit, it’s only then that you realise the double-standard behind your words.

“Not like that-“ you flounder, “I just meant-“

Soft laughter cuts you off and, in that moment, you wish furiously that the ground would open up and swallow you whole. Anything would be better than this humiliation.

“Probably best I don’t.” He replies, gallantly attempting to taper off his amusement. “It’s late and I’ve work in the mornin’. “

“Yeah. Gotcha.” You choke out. “Look, thank you for walking me home. I’ll, uh, see you around.”

You’re about to spin around and launch yourself into the house but quick, deft fingers loop around your wrist and hold you steady. Johnny’s fingers brush lightly against your pulse point and, when you get the courage to glance up him once more, there’s something tentative in his expression. His dark eyes churn, and an almost-smile tugs slightly at his lips.

“See ya around.” He echos, thumb brushing your wrist firmly once more before he lets go, turning on his heel and striding down the dark street.

You stand there for a moment, dumbfounded, and watch him disappear. The moment is quickly shattered when another scream echoes down the street, however, followed by a deafening crash. You hurry up the porch, rushing into the house and locking the door behind you.

For a moment you remain still, back pressed against the front door. Your heart is thudding against your chest, and it’s not from fear- well, not exactly. You don’t know how to categorise this feeling. The only word that springs to mind is the very thing you spent your entire night trying to prevent;

Trouble.

[pokequirks]

category: dumbair

katsuki bakugo x fem!reader

synopsis: katsuki getting serious, trip to korea and his concerns.

word count: 1.4k

warnings: +18.

note: second of category. third chapter of the series (should i make a masterlist?)

You two spent the rest of the morning together, at least what was left of it. Watching news, ordering food delivery and taking advantage of the free day that you both share. 

"I should turn on my phone" You said, heading to your belongins under Katsuki's gaze. Numerous buzzes and notifications. "Ah, shit..." You whisper.

"What's wrong?" Katsuki asks, clearly annoyed, being almost sure it was your shitty ex.

"Kijun, he's been calling like crazy" You sigh "I'll have to go to Korea."

Katsuki briefly felt like all that was built yesterday night was falling into pieces. What if you two made up? What if he finds a way to make you stay? What if he's again left there with a broken heart?

"I'm serius with you."

"Wanna go with me?"

You both speak at the same time. Katsuki's confussion and worriness disguised with his frown. Your gentle smile and eyes looking at him from above.

"I mean, if you want to go, we should sleep at my apartment. That motherfucker thinks he has some right over it".

"I'll talk to Deku,'' Katsuki said, standing and holding his phone. "I'm really serius with you. I don't want you to leave me here again for a shitty clown. Don't know how ya’ feel about marriage now, but in the future if you feel it's fine please let me know."

Katsuki finished and excused himself in order to call Deku and inform him about his trip with you and that he would be taking an extra day off, since he always took just one.

From the office Midoriya smiled happily for Katsuki and you. Finally taking place where you both belonged. With each other. Of course, he was alredy aware of the broken compromise between you and your Korean fianceé.

And you, you were left there thinking about marriage. Marriage with Katsuki. The sensation of hot cheeks as you thought about getting married to him. However, you know you have things to talk to a terapist and heal some others. So, yeah, you wouldn't probably think a lot about getting married in the near future.

For now you will only focus on being a good hero, reconnect with old friends and...

"It's done," Katsuki announced, getting out of his bedroom.

Him.

You and Katsuki had arrived at the café where you and Kijun had decided to speak. Quick kiss on his lips before separating, he going to a kinda far table, still in your vision range, and you sitting in front of the man that once was your fianceé.

"So in the end I was always right, huh?" He asks with a sarcastic tone in his voice.

"We remainded friends until the night I flew back after taking you out of my apartment" He clenched his jaw, "Katsuki fucked me really well that night and he'll do the same tonight."

"I think we should sell and split the money," he changes the subject "after all, it is under our names."

"You only paid the first two three months of maintenance fee, I gave the entrace and the rest of the apartment because you 'weren't a pro hero and didn't make as much money as me', am I wrong?"

"Ahg, then give me the car and the months I paid."

"You serious? I paid for the car, the only thing you paid was the insurance and this last month you asked me to pay it," Kijun throwed his head back and complained. On the other tables people started to whisper looking at your table. "Be an adult and keep it quiet."

"Then what do you want me to do? Wanna leave me here with nothing?"

"Even after what you did I do not wish you anything bad," you sighed "I suppose you're living with the journalist and I think I can sell you the car at market price minus the amount of insurance you have paid."

"I guess that's fine..."

You reunited with Katsuki after finishing the chat with your ex. He had finished his coffee and even took your recommendation on the strawberry cheesecake. He gave you the last bite as he saw that fucker heading out the café.

"Hey look at me," Bright green eyes looking at him, lashes bating and blushed cheeks "I love you, Tsukipie."

"Uhm? I love you too," he responds, caresing the palm of your hand "What deal did the shitman and you make?"

You playfully roll your eyes and look at him, "I'll sell him the car, I'm not gonna need it since I'll only come back in order to do community work in rural areas."

Katsuki hummed and nodded.

"You could come with me and take vacations at the farms."

"I would like that."

You took Katsuki to eat street food and convenience store noodles, things you usually eated while studying and working. Maybe that was the reason why you were able to save up a good amount of money. Been now aware of your bad habits during your living in Korea Katsuki wasn't really happy about it.

"Did you really eat this shit for years?"

"Yeah, and well, not like years, for field work we were sent to towns with farms and a metheorological agency," you explained "in my free time I went to these farms and help elders with rain and harvesting the crops."

"Sure they gave you marital proposses" Katsuki whispered as you two walked down the street to wait for the bus.

"Yeah," you giggle, holding his hand "I already had Kijun and before I had you..."

"You always had me, dumbair."

"You used to call me that before you fell with me!" You took a seat at the parade, Katsuki beside you.

"Yeah, ya fell with me too." 

"Yes, I did" You kiss one of his cheeks and giggle at the sight of rosy color in them.

You took out your phone, briefly going through news on the local main app and telling Katsuki about them, like the idol you like and showcases held. Until one catched Katsuki's attention.

"That one has your hero name."

"Uh?"

You click on it and it displays a whole article about your café visit. They called him your boyfriend and others actually revealed that he is Dynamight, the number 2 in Japan.

"What does it say about me?"

"That you're my boyfriend and hero number 2 in Japan, they put nice pics of you," you show him "my boyfriend is really handsome."

Bakugo proudly smiled at your commentary, of course he is. Katsuki saw the bus approaching and indicated to you to stand up.

Once at your apartment and before Katsuki entered the bathroom you took his wrist.

"Can we try something?"

Now you were both naked. Katsuki seated with oppened legs and hands on your ass as you devour his mouth and roll your hips over his tip. Tits at his neck level. Quiet moans on his lips as you work through your orgam.

"Wanna be inside...," He whispers, breaking the conection with your lips and taking care of your tits "so bad."

You hummed, feeling all over the place. Your hands running over his muscular shoulders and blonde hair, barely taking time to think before holding his dick and putting it inside you.

"Ah, fuck," you moan, hips rolling even harder until Bakugo cruelly holds your body still and pulls it againts him, "shit, Kats, let me..."

"Kats? Dunno him" he teases, sucking on your tits, "say my name, dumbair."

"Tsukipie, wanna come, please, Tsuki" You beg and he smiles at your desesperation.

He puts you down, legs on his shoulders as he violently penetrates your pussy, one hand messing with your clit and the other holding you still. You squirm under his touch, strong hold on the bed sheets, tears running down your cheeks and pleads comming out your lips.

"Oh my God, Katsuki!" You scream loudly and he pulls out finishing on your clit.

He touches you, your skin twitches at every little friction. Chest going up and down as you tried to recover. He comes to you after a while, starts cleaning his art on your pussy. Then he pulls you closer and you smell him.

"Tired," you whisper.

"Sleep baby, you were awesome," Katsuki whispers too and he leaves a kiss on your forehead.

Katsuki's eyes traveled to the window, he could see the moon shining. And you are lying by his side. He wondered how much that bliss was going to last, how much time you were going to be with him. Utterly concerned for the future, after all...

"Tsukipie..."

"Hum?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

[pinksunsetsandstarrynights]

Adamsapple Harvest: Urban Legends

So this fill has nothing to do with the Human AU I wrote about in my other fills. I got the idea for this one while watching a Papa Meat video about asylums and one of the images in the video looked quite different from the corner of my eye...

Just a heads-up the Adamsapple is very light in this one.

"Remember to watch where you step," Adam warned his younger cousin, "and keep your grip on your flashlight, Butterfingers!"

"I'm not going to drop it," Peter answered back, annoyed. "I drop one of Emily's figurines one time…"

"I mean it, Peter. These abandoned places can be dangerous if you're not careful." Adam was really starting to wish that Emily hadn't insisted that he let Peter tag along for some "much needed family bonding."

Yeah, right.

Adam knew she just wanted her brother to be out the house so she could have a date over. It was good timing too since Aunt Sera would still be out of town for another day. Now normally Adam wouldn't mind helping Emily out so she could score some pussy, but he wasn’t checking out an old house this time.

It was a three story mental asylum miles outside of town with a long history of malpractice and patient death until it finally closed its doors sixty years ago thanks to a basement fire. The kids trying to scare their friends liked to say that the fire was the result of dark rituals that used the patients as sacrifices. Obviously that was bullshit. The story that the adults liked to gossip about was that it was arson, done to collect insurance on the property.

In Adam’s opinion, it was caused by probably the most overlooked and boring theory: an electrical fire that got out of hand. The asylum had become more run down in its later years, so faulty wiring wouldn't be unexpected.

But whatever reasoning for the asylum's closure, it wasn't the kind of place anyone would take their skittish teenage cousin. And honestly, it wasn't the kind of place a braver person should visit alone either. Adam had been planning to explore the place with his best friend, Lute, but she bailed on him at the very last minute. Just before Emily suggested that he take Peter instead.

It didn't take a genius to figure out why Lute changed her mind.

He wasn't mad about that, but damn it, Peter was not a good substitute. Adam wouldn't be surprised if their trip ended up being cut ridiculously short because Peter freaked out over some rats scurrying around. And if it did, then Lute was going to owe him big time.

---

It was so far so good, surprisingly.

There wasn't much inside, most of the furniture was gone. Strangely, there was no graffiti indoors, even though the outside was tagged to hell. Adam guessed that the stories were enough to keep taggers from actually going inside. Peter was still looking anxious, but when he was asked if he wanted to wait in the car, he insisted on staying.

Whatever. As long as Peter didn't start screaming his ear off, Adam will ignore the teenager's obvious trembling.

Less natural light was shining through the windows and the flashlights were now being kept on. Sunset was coming, so they would have to leave soon. But there was one more place Adam wanted to get a look at first...

"The basement-?!" Peter cried out before stifling himself, his eyes darting around the administration office. "But Adam," he continued in a frightened whisper, "that's where they killed those poor people for blood sacrifices!"

For fuck’s sake…

"Dude, there were no evil rituals in the basement. There's no such thing as black magic," Adam firmly told him. "The only creepy shit that happened here was just normal shitty people doing fucked up treatments and that ended years ago."

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath.

"Look, how about we both go down the staircase together and if you see anything before we get off the stairs, we'll turn right around and go home. Sound fair?"

"…I'm not going into the basement even if I don't see anything, " Peter stated quietly.

"Then you don't have to. Just stay on the stairs and shine some extra light for me."

Peter agreed and surprisingly took the lead down the staircase. "So I can keep an eye out better."

They took it slow, much to Adam's chagrin. At this rate, it was going to be pitch black outside by the time they leave. After fucking forever, Peter reached the bottom of the staircase, the beam of his flashlight moved frantically around the basement before suddenly freezing on one spot.

"Uh, Peter...?" Adam asked. "Do you see something?"

Peter didn't answer, instead turning around and shoving Adam out of his way back up the stairs.

Adam ended up tripping on the final steps and landed hard onto the floor. Pain lit up his senses as the taste of iron filled his mouth. The sound of Peter's retreating steps was echoing in his ears.

Did that fucker seriously just shove him and leave him here?! Adam huffed, yeah he so wasn't contributing to Peter's college fund after this bullshit. Fucking asshole.

He got himself back onto his feet, ignoring the stinging on his palms and knees. It was dark as hell here. Thankfully there was a beam of light cutting through the dark. Adam was lucky his flashlight didn’t shut off from the fall. He spat out the blood in his mouth and took a few steps toward the light. He grabbed his flashlight and aimed the beam around the basement. Now what did Peter see that made him bolt out like that. It better not have been a damn piece of burnt furniture...

That wasn't burnt furniture.

Adam felt sick. His heart began to race and his hands became clammy.

Furniture wasn't made up of charred bones.

Oh god, he could see a face...

There was fresh, red blood right on its lips, the stretched skin of which were frozen in mid-wail. Fuck his life, he desecrated a corpse...

Alright, Adam, just stay calm. You just need to get out of here and then you can call 911 to report the body. Okay? That's the game plan. Now turn around and leave.

What was that?

D-did those fingers just twitch...?

No, he's just stressed. It's not everyday you find a body. He should probably stop looking at-

Adam dropped his flashlight and took off running back toward the stairs.

Corpses don't lick blood off their lips!

He practically flew up the steps and didn't stop running once he reached the top. He needed to get the fuck out of here. There was still just enough sunlight that Adam could see where he was going.

Right.

Left.

Left.

He can see the front lobby!

His lungs were burning, but that didn't matter. He only needed ten more feet to reach freedom!

Adam's fingers skimmed the door knob of the exit.

So close!

Strong limbs wrapped themselves around him and yanked him back.

"Nooo!" Adam yelled, hope snatched away at the last possible second.

He stumbled onto his ass and before he could even try to get up, a hand - so pale that it practically glowed under the growing shadows - covered his mouth.

Adam moaned in despair. He was going to die in this shithole.

"Shhh… I won't hurt you, I won't hurt you," the voice, a harsh rasp from disuse and thirst, whispered. "I only want to make you scream."

Adam didn't believe it. He whimpered, and struggled some more. He knew no one would be coming to save him.

"Shhh... You'll love it," The creature murmured in his ear before licking the tears off Adam’s cheek, making him shudder. "My savior."

Adam's screams echoed throughout the asylum that night, left unheard by his cousin as he ran down the dirt road back toward civilization.

[oswednesday]

=x=, =xo

its been better to lean into theres just something Wrong with me (but like if we never moved from nyc there wouldnt even be a pressure about it in the first place hkgh) than have to deal with how just fucking weird people were at me with driving when the truth of the matter is i was ready to go the moment i could, i did all the course work and every time im like hey help me with the parts i cant do on my own i get someone exploding (mocking my interest in being eager about it in front of other family members, screaming at me in private how much ill make insurance cost, telling me just to go up to a car lot and buy the car myself, telling me if i want to practice the only way it will work if i do it by myself on the highway at night, locking me out of the house when i "skipped practice" because i had a shift at my retail job/class/play practice(happened on multiple occasions), putting me on the spot about not having it in front of a whole group of people so i have to lie to save face because im not about to be like oh yeah heres all the stuff thats happened to me in front of these people like whats wrong with you and so on that doesnt even get into like car based nightmares and like all the car accidents from substance use by adults around me growing up) on me and like yeah i didnt recognize what was going on, a sort of neediness that prevents me from enrolling into a drivers ed school when i would have had easier access to it (but like the train was right there so its like,,,,,the train) but its like maybe there wont be a problem this time or if there is i dont care fuck off gfdgdf

[cryptid-bird]

Reading An Old Fic

I'm reading an old Gorillaz fic that I wrote years ago, and it's so unintentionally funny in some parts. For context, 2D fucking. Dies. That's the plot. He's a ghost now. The story is mostly angst, so the random bits of humor is like getting smacked in the face. The story overall is not bad, it's just weird that I did that! If I had finished this, it could have been close to a novel length.

Highlights of the story:

The chapter names include such gems:

Drink To Forget Your Problems.

Great, This House Is Fuckin' Haunted.

Talking To Your Dead Friend Around Your Adopted Daughter Can Be Super Awkward

Play Video Games To Forget Your Crippling Depression.

Summon Satan To Help Deal With Your Problems Instead Of Facing Them Like An Adult.

Don’t Starve Shipwrecked Basically

I can sense a theme with some of these.

Murdoc gets in an elevator with a white suburban family. He has an inverted cross around his neck and blood on him (from an injury). It's awkward

2D uses his ghost powers to make Murdoc's shower ice cold.

After a very dramatic scene: “What’cha doin’?” Stuart asked. He sounded bored and alone. 

“Running from my problems.” Murdoc responded.

Taxi Driver: “My friends would be stoked to hear this, they’re big fans.” 

Murdoc: “I always love fans. Tell ‘em I said that my bed can always fit one more person.”

2D calls Murdoc a murderer for being partly responsible for his demise (even though it was unintentional). Murdoc denies being a murderer. 2D is like "I have a law degree!!", which is funny to me. Why does he have that

EMI Records calls Murdoc during an angsty scene and threatens to hold him hostage until he can tell them where 2D is. When he says he will get his lawyers involved, they tell him "We're a billion dollar company, we can do whatever we want"

2D meets a blind woman who can hear him. She doesn't know he is a ghost and doesn't get the memo. She's like "We all feel invisible sometimes. It's ok"

Russel: “I know you’re in there you green piece of shit”. 

Noodle is unable to ship her sword, but is somehow able to ship herself, a whole human, through FedEx. This is never addressed.

Murdoc plans to murder a child to bring 2D back from the dead. He can't bring himself to. He kills someone else instead by being bisexual at a club. This chapter is called: Murder For A Good Cause. The man he brings back is actually from the Black Cloud and attacks Murdoc first.

A line from the story, out of context: "It would just be plain awkward, like having sex with your best friend watching, except he and 2D weren't friends." 

(More under the cut)

Noodle: “Uhuh. Well, I’m going out to go get some dinner. If I come back and anything is wrong I won’t hesitate to harm you.” she threatened. 

Murdoc: “I know that! Enjoy your dinner!” he called as he dragged the corpse away to clear space. 

2D finds Murdoc drawing a pentagram next to a dead body and is like "WHAT THE FUCK"

“There’s a dead body on the floor-” Stu pointed out, but was interrupted by Murdoc.

“Stop pointing out the obvious.”

“So you slit his throat?” 

“What else did you expect me to do? Kindly show him the door?” 

This scene:

He pricked his finger, allowing a drop of blood to fall into the solution. He felt a strange tingling sensation, and the very next thing he knew he was standing in the oh so familiar underworld. 

He was in a building. The roof was high up and was supported by towering beams. On the beams were torches lit with hot flames. They were the only light in the room. 

A large demon paced back and forth. He seemed angry. “For the last time, I don’t want your car insurance! I don’t even have a car! How did you get this number?!” he paused, listening to what the person on the other line had to say. “At least I’m not going to have an early death! Have fun in Hell!” he swiftly hung up. It seemed he was unaware of his company until Murdoc cleared his throat.

And this:

“It’s you. You don’t remember our deal? You specifically asked for your band to never die. Your friend did, but because of our deal his soul remains. Well, ta-ta! I’m off to my meeting. Hell can’t run itself.”

If you want to read all of what I've written, let me know and I can upload the rest on ao3. I've already published some of it on there. I will not finish it, I'll just give you what I've already done.

[unb1nding-t-b0y]

Being a young adult with no parents is interesting. My friends parents always tell me how RESPONSIBLE and CAPABLE I am. Like I am but it's not really a choice? It's be responsible for myself and capable of taking care of myself or I'm fucked.

No one is going to buy me my first car or gift me rent when I'm close to eviction. No one is going to pay that bill or call the power company except me. It's gotten to a point that I end up being the unofficial adult among my adult roommates because unlike them I've accepted that sometimes being an adult means doing shit you really don't want to do. It sucks. My biological parents are alive but my father is a stranger to me that abused the kids he did raise and doesn't work and just mooches off his wife. My mom abused me and spent her entire life begging, or lying to people to lend her money she would never repay. No one taught me to budget or do paperwork I learned on my own because even as a child no one else was handling it but me. If I didn't (or couldn't) do the paperwork it simply didn't get done. One year this cost me the ability to eat lunch at school and I had to find the kids throwing their packaged foods away and convince them to give it to me instead. One year it got me kicked from the swim team the day before they took the photos because my insurance paperwork never got turned in. Regardless even with my parents growing up I often had to be the responsible one.

I'm responsible because someone has to be and it just sucks to be this on my own. It sucks that I always have been on my own and I wish I did have someone to turn to but I can't even bring myself to ask the relatives I do have for help because if they won't help me it just confirms what I've felt for a long time. That it's just me against the world and no matter how bad it is no one is going to be my safety net with any reliability.

[grugspro]

i havent been able to cut my lawn in two weeks because of my orientation and traing for my new job and any day off ive had has been a downpour, theres some bits of grass and weeds that have grown nearly to my hip but a lot of it is about mid calf. because its grown too high, my push mower just winds up pushing the grass flat for a moment but not cutting it, i have a weed whacker but the battery only lasts for at best a tenth of my yard and takes 40-60 minutes to get another full charge. ive only got today and tomorrow to do this because i dont have time before work the rest of the week and while i might have the time after work on the weekend, i dont think ill have the energy.

i fucking hate being an adult so much, i knew i wouldnt be able to handle it and its even worse than i expected. the only reason ive been able to survive adulthood this long is that my family has put in a lot of help, the only meals i get in a week are the two times i go to my grandparents and any leftovers from them and the one time a week i go to my parents, my car is my dads and he still pays the insurance for it, my trash and natural gas is done by my step mom, and my phone is on my dads plan, but my parents cant keep affording all that and my grandparents often joke about not living much longer. i wish i didnt live this long, i knew that life would only be harder and more miserable the longer id live but i cant get myself to end it

[p-t-f-s]

forgot it was possible to see sideblog notifs and im. surprised they have followers but then again so does this blog lmaooooooo. i should make vents again. i miss that. no time like the present.

fuck i need to work on my project thats past due and due tonight and if not turned in would drop me to a C but god. i hate this class and dont wanna but im already on my second retake and this time it was genuinely so much fuckin easier. even if the exact same professor bc shes the only one teaching this class did even worse with scheduling and assignment access this semester. and i genuinely have not been this suicidal since fuckin high and middle school. two different points in each. most bc of my middle school insomnia and All That That happened but my high school wasnt much worse considering i was working part time to full time my senior year of high school while also getting my associate's as my mom was kicking me out/to live with my dad in the near the end of the school year bc of me turning 18 and her being "free" of her legal duties to me [she was not bc by our law that SHE AS A FUCKING FEDERAL JUDGE KNEW was till the child of dicerce is 18 and GRADUATED HS DIPLOMA] she was finally free to move to the opposite side of the country/the political problems and backlash of challenging the baked in theosociological power structure of our city. my birthday was march and graduation was june. literal months and she couldnt wait that fuckin long. and so for the months leading up to my birthday and after i had been living out of my car which both my dad bought for me as an agreement between him and my mom as the end of his child support payments to her and so i wouldnt take the public bus after my mom forgot we had to lie to him that i was being driven to school so he would let me get my college degree bc i had to be at community college at 16 in a Large Dangerous City on the Worst Side Of Town. that shit sucked. i was Stressed and goddamn does it suck being an adult living under your own power and money, no matter how feeble, to know that even when situations are technically objectively better you can still be hella fuckin depressed. and fucking obsessive intrusive thoughts do NOT help but fuck do i wish i had the time to call for help to be able to see a fucking doctor for the first time in my life. like an actual full general doctor and getting an actual checkup and not just a walgreens sick note/athletic packet check. only having ever gone after socially pressuring ur dad by asking his gf for advice while hes halfway done in the bathroom so the conversations still going as he exits so SHE can hound on him instead of being brushed off as an anxious teenage girl bc "whats a doctor going to do?" when asked to go to the er. whos insurance ur on bc you asked him months ago while working on moving in and you couldnt go alone without ur guardian but youd been unable to hear from one ear for months after multiple home/self remedy attempts to clear wax blockage assumption. or my mother coming to visit curious as to why i still have acne after turning 18 bc you shouldnt have acne past 18 and making a dermatologist appointment she paid for to help but having previously told me that she didnt believe in getting sick bc she hadnt gotten sick for years.

and now i have about an hour left to work on a partial coding project bc now IT management is apparently the job of accounting now. i get rationally why theyre doing it and why its important but its fucking stupid and i hate it and again its fucking stupid. anyways. heres to hoping that it goes alright ig but fucking kill me and i hate everything but i swear to fuck if i dont get my bachelors next year im going to lose my shit

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

First of all seriously congrats on getting out of the spiral i understand how flabbergastingly difficult that is.

….that being said.. with as much the love and support I can share….

Please please please please next step- stop checking LI like that at all. Or like at all but ideal worlds etcetc It is not a safe place for anyone social interactions and active use can be a deterrent to potential employers as it shows mental instability and a dependency on social media etc etc businessbullshit

Take care you yourself please pretty please with a cherry and fun shaped sprinkles on top

You. Deserve. To. Rest. God. Damn. It.

Write it down in a notebook or notes app I know it’s hard to find the right Thing just please hang in there No more LI

I know I don’t know your situation you might need to be job hunting everyday to pay for medical bills or for whatever you may need -

just please be careful

And try to be kind to yourself please

hey hey! thanks for the support. I barely ever post on linkedin, only once or twice. I never share posts from other people either on there, either. I will occasionally like posts on there though.

I only had to make a linkedin account years ago in uni, bc the careers department basically bullies you to make one, to con you into thinking that that's the only way you'll be HEADHUNTED OMG!!!!.

but that's literally never happened to me.... and all I actually get on there is marketing emails for LI premium and learning (which is like $90 or something a month here in australia so I've never paid the sub) and scam courses from usually americans about resume writing etc but they want you to cough up $5,000 australian to do them.

I've always been super wary about linkedin in general, anyway. which is why I've barely ever posted on there, except for my uni graduation and when i started at my job last year. making my account for it back in 2016 during uni caused me to have an anxiety attack lmao. it's also why I'm happy I'm not checking it as often as well.

I had a year of rest in 2021 to heal from my surgery.... even though everyone was pushing me to "hurry up and get a job and move out and be an adult NOW!!!" including my surgeon. like guys. I just had some of the most traumatic 3 months of my life in my mid-20s. why the fuck would I want to be instantly back in the workforce????? holy fuck.

and plus, it did hit me while healing back then, a few times, how unwell and fragile I really was. because I bent down in woollies or coles (grocery stores here in aus) and couldn't get off the floor without grabbing onto something to balance myself. and that's when I started listening to the physios more in rehab hospital rather than my surgeon and everyone else, about taking it slow and healing... instead of trying to instantly jump back into casual or part time work in retail at the time; or even office work (since I learnt last year that stationary orders are, in fact, quite heavy when it's just boxes filled with packets and packets of paper; and other general office shit).

as for the medical bills, I don't have any to pay off since my surgery was completely covered by medicare. all I'm trying to avoid now in job hunting, is australia's incredibly punitive employment jobseeker income supplement payment requirements of meeting with a job provider each fortnight; and having to apply for 20 jobs a month or they'll take your payment off of you.... which is incredibly unhelpful when I need to pay my car loan and car insurance. although I'm pretty sure that's been updated but I can't remember how it's changed..... because I didn't need to worry about it last year whilst I was in my cadetship job since it was full time.

but yeah I just need to use LI as a way to look for jobs and maybe very occasionally interact with my old colleagues at my cadetship job (which I just left on the 23rd of march). but I am trying to interact with it less.

[triplepoppy]

Week 5 of 52

New Year, New Me

So, I'm trying something new! I meant to start this at the beginning of January (hence the "week 5" lol) but things have been a little hectic since the new year. Nothing crazy, just some financial stuff and a little bit of life.

To give a quick rundown, though I feel it's self explanatory, I'm going to start doing weekly blog posts. Every Saturday, starting today, I'm writing a post about my overall week and things going on around me in general. They could be about anything, it only requires being about me! 😀

To kick it off, I've past the third month of taking estrogen. I've only just recently found out, however, that I've been on a rather small dose. So once I get my lab work done and they can see what my levels are at, I plan on talking to them about moving up. I like the pill, though, and don't intend on moving to another method of taking it. As much as I want to speed through this, I know I shouldn't. Plus, I don't think I have the guts to stick myself with a needle anytime soon. 🥴

Work is going fine, but I want a new job soon. Not necessarily because I dislike it, I just need more money. I want to be able to get the things I want and provide the things we need. And this job is barely getting us there. But I don't know what I want to do, and that's the overall problem. My whole life, I've thought I wanted to be an author. I just don't know if that's the case anymore. And that's a weird thing to say.

NASCAR starts up this weekend. I've never been into it before, though I've tried a little, I'm excited to try and watch this season. I've always wanted to get into racing, I just didn't know where to start. And I was always that typical person that would make fun of NASCAR and anyone that watched it, never being able to comprehend how people could watch it. But, now that I'm older, I think I get it lmao. I'm not saying I'm ready to go out and "yeehaw" it up and down the track, but I'm hyped to just watch and try to get into it.

UFC also started back up recently, and THAT I'm loving. I've always been a fan of the sport, just never followed it completely. I would watch events with friends if they invited me and stuff like that, but now I'm watching it at home on my own time. I even post along on Twitter, giving my scores for each round. UFC is fucking dope, and I don't need to speculate anything about it. ☠️

My girlfriend and I are so close to having a second car. It's not even funny. All we need to do is get insurance for it so my stepdad can take it to get inspected for us. After that he can switch the title over to my name and give it to us. Then I'll be able to go to work on my own and go home on my own without the need of a ride, and I can't fucking wait. I'm creeping up on my one year anniversary at this job, and this whole time we've only had one car. Every day, I've had to rely on a ride from my mom. I know people older than me deal with things like that all the times, so I shouldn't be complaining. But I can't help but feel like a loser as a 24, going on 25, year-old adult that needs a ride from their mom to get home from work. But I won't have to deal with that much longer.

That's about all I have for this week, I don't want to bombard y'all with too much on the first post lol. For those that actually read the whole thing, thank you for taking the time to learn a little more about me. You guys better get used to this, because this is going to be a common thing now. A small reason for me doing this is to try and help my love of writing to come back. Maybe sitting down and taking the time to just write about my week will help spark that flame that you used to be inside of me when I was younger. I sure miss it a lot.

But, that's enough for now. I hope you guys had an amazing week, and I hope you have another one. See you guys in the next one!! ❤️

[writermuses]

Alex's confident reassurance, that seriousness in his tone that he'd stick with her like he had in the good times through her current bad times, was a comfort she'd been denying herself. In all honesty, Caitriona didn't think Alex had felt this way because in her many yo-yoing returns to his bed since she broke things off, he'd never forced her to talk about feelings and she'd done the same. When her feet hit the ground she nodded, touching her lips like she worried the truth would solidify she'd never taste him there again. Cai sat at the island and lowered her eyes. "I didn't ever think I'd leave Boston but when I kept coming back to you I felt really guilty and hurt, like you'd hate me while I loved your and I wasn't ever gonna stop being this broken person my parents left behind." Her big, bright eyes fell to her lap. "So I went down to Baltimore and I wasn't sure if I was going to stay, but I'd been a while and TK asked what I was doing with my life. I asked for a job at his place and he told me no."

Taking a slow, deep breath, Caitriona explained something she hadn't talked to anyone about. Since she wanted this to work, Cai felt like he needed the whole truth about what put her in this headspace. "When my parents died, TK decided that it was time for me to grow up. He wouldn't let me live in their place anymore, even though they wanted to keep the sanctuary running. He wouldn't let me take a job there at any level and wouldn't let me have either of their cars. I... I get why he did it. He's always been able to figure things out, manage money, knew what he wanted, but I've never been put together like that." Her fingers combed through her dark hair and she bit her lip and waited a moment to try and keep herself grounded and avoid the tears that came with how much of a disappointment Tristan thought she was, "He's the reason I took the pregnancy test. I asked him how much an urgent care visit was with no insurance because my job needed me to have a note... He was so mad at me for not getting a better job, but I don't have any qualifications for it. Now I know if I call and tell him I lost my job and about the baby... He's not going to ask if I'm okay or what I plan to do. The first thing he's going to tell me is that he's disappointed or that he's not gonna help me pay rent and what am I going to do with a baby with no roof over my head." Huffing out a long breath. "Alex, he's a good person, really. TK's a whole put together adult... and he's right, I'm a fucking mess. I'm a mess, Alex... but I wanna be a good mom and I really want to be the woman you and our baby deserves."

Alex tightened his arms around her and nodded at each of her words. "You can tell me to fuck off and I won't go anywhere. I won't leave you again, Cai, I fucking promise you that." Their words collided as they spoke a the same time and it felt like a huge weight was lift and he could breathe again; ever since accepting the break up, Alex had best himself for leaving her, thinking he was helping her but he kept thinking... what if it's the opposite? And he was cursing himself now as it obviously had been the wrong call. Caitriona needed him and he'd make sure he was there for her from now on. Alex kissed her back, softly but with no restraint and as his mouth started to move more roughly, he pulled back, his mind finally making sense of something. "T.K's been helping you, though, right? I wasn't expecting him to move here or you to go there but he has been checking on you, right?" Slowly, he moved his hands from Caitriona's legs to get her back down on the floor. "Before we do anything, we do need to talk." He said with a wary sigh, his body aching for her but there were things to discuss. With his hand on the small of her back, Alex finally made the way to the kitchen, motioning her to sit down.

[fuck-customers]

This happened a few days ago but...wooo boy, this guy had some unresolved anger issues or something.

I work at the front door of a movie theater, taking tickets. This family walks in with a toddler in a stroller and tickets to Nope, which is rated R. Two issues there: one, we don't allow kids under seven into R rated movies, even with their parents, and two, we don't allow strollers. The last part isn't even company policy, it's by order of the Fire Marshall because after we remodeled, there was an inspection and it was decided there's no where to safely put them that isn't a tripping hazard in the case of a fire (except for the wheelchair spots, which by law have to be reserved for people in wheelchairs.)

So like, I started to tell the guy this, and I got as far as "um" AKA before even saying an actually word when he started shouting. (For context, I wasn't being rude, I'm disabled and sometimes Words Are Hard, especially if it's a situation I don't have a Script for, and this guy's vibes were making me nervous, which makes it worse)

So I called for the head manager, and another manager also came up to the front because she could hear him from the fucking other side of the building (and this is a large theater).

I'm not gonna repeat everything this guy said, because he was yelling for a long while, but highlights include:

Threatening us

Threatening us more

Threatening us even more

Calling the other manager a "bitch" and a "fat ho" (to which she started giggling)

Accusing the head manager of threatening him even though all the head manager said was "what?" because he was caught off guard by the threats

Refusing to get a refund or change to a non-adult rated film

Finally deciding that he's gonna change movies but we ended up refusing the request and telling him to leave because he couldn't stop threatening us for long enough to make the transaction

Refusing to leave until we called the cops, and even then just going to sit in his car

Repeatedly getting out of the car to keep shouting at us while we waited for the cops

He did end up leaving before the cops showed because they're slow as shit despite literally being in the same parking lot as us.

Like, I'm not a fan of cops, but this guy wasn't going to leave otherwise. And even though I've had many angry customers, there hasn't been many times where I was genuinely worried a customer would come back and murder us all, but this is one of those times. Also I can't help but be worried for his kid and wife/girlfriend/whoever the lady with him was. If he's that angry about not getting his way for something as minor as a movie ticket (which would have been replaced or refunded if he hadn't decided to act Like That), then I'd hate to see how he acts when he doesn't get his way at home. Because I grew up with a mother with anger issues, and she was a lot more abusive in private than in public. Obviously not everyone with anger issues with abusive, but I'm pretty sure his behavior counts as abusing service workers.

Also the same day this happened, the head manager decided that my accommodation of being allowed to sit between customers is revoked because it's not fair to other employees. Granted, I don't have a doctor's note, because I don't have insurance, but I do walk with a cane. Which I'm not allowed to use at work. He said other employees had asked why I get to sit and he "didn't feel comfortable answering that" despite having my explicit permission to do so, hence the chair revoke. Also starting the next day (which was yesterday) I was moved to the back, to do auditorium checks, which means walking back and forth across the entire building. I used to do auditorium checks but they moved me off of that role because I fell down the stairs too many times because I have trouble walking and am not allowed to use my cane. We do have a box office, where the people are allowed to sit, but they refuse to let me work that because our location has a "tradition" that you have to work at concessions before you can sell tickets, despite other locations in town not doing this.

All of the coworkers who saw me being checks seemed concerned for me which is nice I guess? But the manager said that if my disabilities are as bad as I say, then he'll have to talk to corporate and see what they say. Which I'm dreading, because the reason I didn't bring in a doctor's note to be able to sit is because several years ago, I had a doctor's note for what amounted to transition lenses just to be safe, and it was rejected and the GM (who just left last month) told me that if I bring in any more notes, I should look for another job. I know I actually submitted about it the day that it happened, though she now denies saying it.

It's not like sitting stops me from doing my job. I still have to stand up to help customers, and literally everywhere who works here, including the manager that I had this conversion with, will admit that I'm the best ticket taker by far. Bringing it back to Rage Man, I know full well that pretty much all of the new hires (who would be the ones asking about the chair) would have just let the guy do whatever he wanted, if they even noticed what the problems were, because I've seen them do it. I'm literally the only floorstaff who actually remembers all the rules for entry, let alone enforce them, and some of the managers can't even do that (and other managers have to correct them).

(Also if anyone is wondering, I did apply for other jobs so I can get the fuck out, but I haven't had any luck. Most employers don't want a person with mobility aids. Also, I didn't use my cane when I started working at my job because that was almost seven years ago and my mobility has gotten worse with time. Probably at least in part due to all the walking, climbing stairs, and falling down stairs. But I've been using my cane everywhere I go except while on the clock for at least 4 years, and I've been allowed to sit for over a year, so it's not like this is a new thing)

Also sorry for the entire fucking novel but this weekend has been A Lot.

[ms-demeanor]

My friend says not to vote in the upcoming election because our liberal establishment is no different from fascism and because Trump's policies are merely an extension of existing policies (like the ICE concentration camps that were established under Obama). How would you, being a leftist like me and my friend, respond to this attitude?

When I was in high school there was one cataclysmic, catastrophic, Very Important school board meeting.

It was a perfect storm of religious freedom, LGBT Rights, and Holy Shit You’re Talking About Taking Daycare Away from Students Who Are Parents.

The first thing, religious freedom, was exceptionally stupid but I think it’s a great example of how shitty the suburb I lived in was and what we were dealing with. Basically the D&D club that I started was accused of being Satanists and the Campus Christian Club was trying to get us shut down for worshipping satan. (I live in the fucking WORST part of LA County, I swear). The defense for the D&D club was pretty simple: If we’re worshipping satan as an on-campus activity at lunchtime we have every right to do so just like the Campus Christian Club an in fact if the Campus Christian Club got us shut down for practicing a different religion they’d made a very effective argument for shutting down their Praising Christ on-campus lunchtime activity.

The second thing was ANOTHER conflict with the Campus Christian Club - this was more serious. This was “High schoolers shouldn’t be exposed to deviant lifestyles and therefore we need to shut down the Gay/Straight Alliance.” At that point the GSA was also very new and I was also the VP of it. Spoilers: we were allowed to continue existing and we had speakers come in from time to time - we had grownups who talked to us about dealing with homophobia and resources for what happened if your parents kicked you out; we had a trans woman in her 50s come and talk to us (in 2003!) about transphobia and dysphoria and how to cope. The adviser handed out a packet to all of us that had the suicide hotline number right at the top, I know at least three people used that number the first year. The defense for the GSA was actually another handy-dandy page out of the ACLU handbook: The Campus Christian Club’s definition of deviance is something they have a right to hold but not to impose on other people - if you ban the GSA based on being ‘deviants’ you are imposing someone else’s belief system on us so knock it off unless you want to be a fun LA Times story.

The third thing didn’t have ANYTHING to do with the Campus Christian Club and was much worse because it had to do with funding and teen moms. The third thing was “The district believes it’s a waste of money to continue to pay for childcare at the district continuation school; if you can’t afford childcare you should have thought of that before becoming a teen mom, good luck getting a babysitter while you’re trying to finish high school.” Four of the students from the continuation school had showed up with their children and their defense of the daycare program was basically (and understandably) “What the fuck you fucking ghouls we just want to finish school and it’s one fucking daycare provider on campus you already have to pay the insurance for childcare providers for other schools in the district what the fucking fuck.”

The D&D Club, GSA, and Childcare for Teen Parents Program were all allowed to continue existing.

By one vote.

By someone who had recently been elected to the school board.

By four votes.

Four people went out and voted that November. Four people filled in a bubble on a ballot.

The GSA did fundraisers to pay for STI testing and suicide prevention. My friend Michelle graduated on time with her daughter waiting in the crowd. Knowing that adult trans people could survive and exist and thrive and love themselves was lifesaving information for a few kids in the GSA.

Four votes. If four people stayed home that’s a hundred fewer STI tests, that’s wondering if Michelle would ever be able to get a job when she didn’t have a diploma and couldn’t hire a babysitter. That’s three dead queer kids and another two homeless.

And it didn’t happen. Because four people filled in a couple of bubbles one night in November.

Voting is not activism but it is by no means useless. If your friend is incapable of distinguishing fascism and liberalism that sounds like a them problem and it sucks to be them; that amount of nihilism is hard to carry around.

People who criticize leftists for “electoral apologism” or whatever for voting are the “yet you participate in society, curious. I am very intelligent” comic

Yeah, the system’s shitty. Yeah, it sucks and should be overthrown. But it’s not overthrown YET so we may as well take advantage of the few areas of harm reduction the system allows. Voting doesn’t mean you STOP doing direct action or that you stop pushing for change, it just means you’re doing the single easiest real-world thing to alleviate suffering. And if it doesn’t work who gives a fuck - you did the bare minimum and it cost you a small amount of time.

Vote and then go hand out food in the park or cut the valve stems off a cop car if you’re feeling angsty about conceding to the system.

(also FUCK, you have no idea how much I hate having to defend the Obama administration but please go talk to a trans person about whether it is easier or harder to get healthcare in their state under Trump or under Obama. I fucking hate liberals but I don’t think that they’re actively interested in overturning Roe V. Wade. Fuck this political purity culture and go learn about harm reduction.)

[starshipsofstarlord]

Rush Hour

Pairing | Sebastian Stan x reader

Summary | whilst on the way to an interview, you and Sebastian are stuck in traffic. There seems to be only one way to pass the time that comes to mind.

Warnings | smut, fingering, teasing, slight voeyurism I guess (on the phone?)

QUICK LINK TO MY MASTERLIST IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE OF MY CRAP 😬

It was stressful, viewing how parades of cars, lined up in their designated sections filled the large road. It appeared as none of them were going to start moving for a while, and it made you bite your lip in frustration. Out of all days, it had to be this very one, when you had to assign your presence within a specific slot of time.

You and Sebastian had even left early, as insurance that you would arrive at your destination on time, but now, you had severe doubts that you would. And those doubts, within the past few minutes, had became incredible high. It looked as though there was no chance of escaping this frozen parade for the current and important time being. 

Even the simplicity of looking out the window made you slightly mad, you had places to be, as you assumed many other people that were under the same predicament were too, but for the meanwhile, you weren’t going anywhere. The lines of vehicles were stuck in some kind of limbo, stricken by the same thundering of karma at once.

Your significant other was behind the wheel, tapping his long fingers upon the round gear, causing your attention to divert up to his talented digits. As you studied them and their smooth exterior, an idea rendered in your fuming mind, and so, to put it into action, you slyly placed one of your own hands to rest upon his upper thigh.

Sebastian, instead of waving off the affection, smiled at it, thinking that it was nothing more than a tender instinct to also calm him down. The bet was, his agent would have his ass for showing up late, well aware that they had been the one to arrange this press in order to promote the latest of your shared projects.

However, he had not expected in this bustling, and public surrounding moment that you would creep your grip up higher, and so he tensed as you did just that. But he chose to allow you to continue for now, his front deep digging solely into his lower lip to express some of the tension that he was under whilst stuck in the car.

It was impossible to predict how long the pair of you would be stuck in the moving box, and it seemed that you had configured a way in your mind to pass it. One that had lead to your fingers dancing over his trousers, and making him groan lightly in anticipation.

His cobalt eyes snapped towards you though as you removed your hand. To put it simply, you were teasing him, riling him up in the constricted amount of space. It relented you no escape from him, nor his uptake in revenge. And as you shrouded under his gaze against the inside of the passenger side door, you gulped.

Perhaps, you thought, you should have just kept your hands to yourself. And then, you would not have been stuck in this predicament of being cursed with his winter glare; it made you feel like melting ice cowering into the level below. For a second, you wished the controls of the radio volume had the ability to reverse time, so that you could correct your mistake.

The feeling of his hands abandoning the wheel, considering that the car was not going to be continuing moving on the road for a while, and drifting towards the bottom seam of your skirt had you inhaling as much air as your lungs would allow. It would not be the first instance of which he put his earnest skin upon yours in public, but with all around being still on one spot, a part of you worried sincerely of a noticed fan grabbing their phone with their clammy hands, and recording the interaction.

And if done, the interval, whilst stuck in one, would be painted sourly over the entire internet. There would be an assortment of clashing reviews; some lustful and imagining what it would be like to be trapped in the car with you two, and others shaming of your indecency. And to say the magazines and online articles would have a field day, well, that would be an understatement.

Seb drifted his feather light touch up higher, brushing just above the border that labelled the end of your outfit. Instead of say anything that compromised his mission, you settled back into your seat, sinking your head into the designed rest, and opened your legs a little, permitting him no resistance to do as he pleased; all because, you wanted the satisfaction and fulfilment of the adult acts too.

Your teeth sank into your bottom lip, squashing it beneath the carnivorous bone, as his hands danced elegantly around beneath the complimentary fabric. He toyed with you, by stroking his fingers over the thin material of your underwear, expertly putting pressure down upon your covered bud, confiscating a breathy whine out of your closed mouth. “You’re already wet.” A damn smirk coveted itself upon his healthy lips, your eyes flickering between the seductive sight, and that hidden beneath your clothes.

“Do something.” It wasn’t an order on your part; it was a sensual beg, in other terms, your sexual starvation put into words. The air from your lungs was practically ripped away as your partner delved his explorative fingers into the privacy of your garments, the pads of his delirium causing fingers heading straight towards your swollen and puffy clit.

With no hesitancy, you head rolled sideways to rest against the window, your breath frosting carelessly against the glass. Instead of caring about what was being viewed from the outside of the car, you focused on what could be seen from within the space of the front two seats. And so, you pushed up your skirt, giving the pair of you an explicit image of his hand roaming beneath the divider that kept your crotch from the barren air.

“Like this?” Sebastian taunted, sinking a finger into your sopping hole, causing your eyelashes to flutter at the sensation. A furrow worried his face however, even as he stayed still, not moving his digit, all due to the ringing of his phone. Using his free hand, he picked up the device, bringing it to his ear. “Hello?”

As he began to converse, he slowly paced his finger in and out of you, the thought of him finger fucking you whilst on the phone making you that much wetter. “No, me and y/n are going to be late, there’s traffic.” You assumed that he was speaking to his agent, and as you mewled, he left you empty, bringing his finger to his mouth to clean.

“I don’t know how long it’s going to be until the road clears.” Seb sighed, after removing his slick coated digit from his mouth, pouring a little spit onto it, and bringing it down to rest on you clit. Shuffling, you leant back as far as the seat belt allowed you to have both of your feet to be perched on the end of the passenger side, knees tucked up your body willing to take whatever he would so much as give to you.

“Seb.” At the sound of his voice falling so erotically from his lips, a crease formed between his eyebrows, and so, as punishment for interfering with the static of his phone, he pinched your clit, and to cease the audible response, you bit into the palm of your hand, leaving indents of your teeth begins.

“I can’t make it go any faster.” You were not sure whether he was speaking to you or his agent. But it didn’t matter, not as he began to roll your clit between his fingers, paying the button ample attention, that had your head going all fuzzy and thoughtless.

“As much as I wish I could clear up this whole parade of stuck cars, I can’t.” He deliberately shook his head, purposely looking away from where he was playing with you to keep focused on the phone call, despite still rubbing tight circles around your bud. “She’s fine, in fact, she’s fallen asleep. Y/n will be all rested and content if we get there.”

Rested was a word that you were opting against, but if you were going to be privileged with being made content, then who were you to argue with him? So you remained silent, biting onto anything that could silence you, to keep yourself satisfied and ensuring that he would keep some truth behind his words. “See what you can do, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With little to no reluctance, he dropped his phone onto his lap, it meeting and causing some friction against his semi. But the awakening in his trousers was not his priority, instead it was the slick that was collecting so wholesomely on his fingers, acting as a natural lubrication to continue his round administrations.

“Sebby.” This time, instead of trying to silence you, the man marked you with a pleasant grin, only to apply more pressure behind his movements. It was a wicked deed, but you had no mind to it as it served no bother; instead, you were rather pleased that he was to be giving in on his pardoning.

“You going to cum for me darling?” His words were almost taunting, you could feel a flush of heat cascade up your neck and all around your body. And all from clitoral stimulation, this man certainly knew what he was doing. “Cum on my fingers baby, make them all nice and wet.”

Plunging your teeth once more into your bottom lip, you groaned, shutting your eyes and breathing steadily throughout your nostrils. And with that, you shattered underneath him, your shoulders twinging from the spasming aftershocks that riddled your body senseless.

“Would you look at that, the cars are slowly beginning move.” You needn’t have even needed to open your y/e/c eyes to know that there was an amused smirk contouring his features; that man sure could get cocky sometimes, and half of those happened to be in public.

[cherrybakewell666]

"As for the self-diagnosis thing, I personally disagree." "And also I don't agree that self-diagnosis is harmful." "[...] but self-'diagnosing' with autism has helped me TREMENDOUSLY[...]"

I shouldn't need to explain to two adults in 2023 about why self-diagnosing isn't something that you should do, but let's get this over with.

Self-diagnosers aren’t doctors or psychiatrists; they lack professional medical expertise. Therefore—if you go by logic—they shouldn't self-diagnose. It’s just plain and simple common sense, come on. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t see self-diagnosis as anything but harmful or stupid. You can create unnecessary worry, which can possibly be an issue, especially without instant access to the assessment (waiting lists), you can end up wasting time and money if you fuck up with what you thought that you had due to misleading or manipulative information and/or the obvious being untrained aspect. Since many, many symptoms overlap, you could have something else or nothing at all. Or you could have normal reactions to everyday things—this is the case with ADHD. People forget that, yeah, people with ADHD may experience things—like forgetting things and being distracted—but those are impairments for those people, unlike your average person.

Question for you two: Why do you think official diagnosis assessments are a thing? Because a professional needs to tell you what you have based on any symptoms presented and also your history (upbringing, behaviours and skills over the years any impairments, academic performance, etc.). A self-diagnosis can’t lead to getting access to medications, that's if that is the goal for self-diagnosers… to which I assume it’s not.

When I wanted to go for an ADHD diagnosis assessment, which I waited two years for (I'm currently unmedicated), it was because I—keyword— “suspected” that I had it and needed to know, so then I could get treatment. That (and access to any needed therapies) should be the goal, in my opinion. As regards to ADHD medication, you have to be diagnosed in order to get access to that, because that medication is a schedule II controlled drug, meaning that you can't just go to a pharmacy and ask for it, like you would with over-the-counter medication.

Also, I don't know if any self-diagnosers know this, but you aren't owed a diagnosis. If you don't have [x], then you don't have [x]. Simple. If you have gone for a diagnosis appointment and you received the results, you can by all means opt for a second opinion if you are questioning the diagnosis given. There will be times where a panel of people will review the results taken during the assessment and discuss about it, putting together the most accurate diagnosis possible (if the patient has what they went to see if they have)—better than just one or two people. This is something that can't happen when you self-diagnose.

I can't go with the idea of self-diagnosing being a good thing. I will never give in to the Tumblr user hivemind and echo chambers. Car insurance companies and vehicle licensing agencies (like the DVLA, for example) would need to know if you have a condition and if it affects your driving. You can’t risk losing your license or being fined (it’s £1,000 over here) because an accident happened and you didn’t state that you had a diagnosis and your symptoms impaired your driving. Come on, now. Insurance prices increase if you have a condition that impacts your driving, because you shouldn’t be on the road. The higher price is a way of preventing impaired individuals from causing accidents, because they can’t cause a future accident if they’re not on the road. It’s about safety. This isn’t ableist at all. Prices will also increase depending on many factors that aren't relevant to what I've been discussing. You know... like your area, age, how much you are planning to use it (an estimated annual mileage that you come up with) and what you'll use it for, car brand, etc.

- "[...] self-'diagnosing' with autism has helped me TREMENDOUSLY in understanding myself better, accepting my differences, validating my struggles and finding ways to cope that actually help me."

So, you got yourself into confidently thinking that you have ASD? Bruh. You do know that there are different diagnostic tools used during the ASD assessment, right?

You have DISCO (Diagnostic Interview for Social and Communication Disorders), which is an interview conducted to find out about your history when it comes to "development, behaviour and skills" (it's useful to get information from your family members, friends, and teachers about you, since they may have picked up on things); then you have ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule), which is an assessment about social things, like your interactions and communication (for children, they'll use "play or imaginative use of materials" during the assessment*); finally, you have ADI-R (Autism Diagnostic Interview - Revised), which is a widely used way of diagnosing ASD that is done with parents or carers by a psychologist (unlike ADOS).

Extra information on the aforementioned diagnostic tools (and where I got two of my quotes above from): click here

*I had an assessment when I was 16 years old, and I was given several objects to pick from in order to come up with a story; a way to test my imagination, to pick up on any impairments with flexible imagination.

Source to show that impairments with imagination are symptoms of ASD (refer to Table 2 for each of the age groups): click here

Do you see how much goes into a diagnosis? And there isn't a bias with this, which is what you would have upon "self-diagnosing". An untrained person—like yourselves—will be prone to errors due to a lack of expertise. People don't study and train for several years for nothing.

Also, you better have not used TikTok and Tumblr to help you with your "Autism self-diagnosis", because those are two of the WORST places to look for information on disorders and mental illnesses. Absolute cesspools. Resort to better sources of information if you want to read up on anything. - "However I read this post as advice on management and coping skills, not a cure for depression..."

Mate, I never said it was a cure for depression, nor did I see that list as a way to cure it. You can't cure depression. Is it treatable? Yes, of course. Are you able to get rid of it forever? No.

Source for depression (the illness itself) being incurable: click here Source for mental illnesses being incurable: click here - "(And maybe next time don't be so bitter?? Opinions can be shared without calling people idiots/saying they're trying to bait people.)"

I wasn't being bitter and I didn't have any intentions of being bitter. And I never called you an idiot. Have you never heard of "Schrödinger's Idiot" before? You'll have people saying things like, "I hate [insert marginalised group of people]!" or state a stupid, false opinion, and then turn around and say that it's a joke and/or backpedal, even though they're using that to masquerade the fact that they're being "legit" or ill-informed.

People will say same things and use that as a way to cause an uproar and reactions—this is baiting. Have you been on anything but Tumblr? I've seen many baiters on Discord and Twitter, for example. It's perfectly acceptable to be a sceptic when it comes to seeing things online.

depression hacks masterpost

these are things that will help with mental illness that aren't 'go outside, drink water, and everything will be fine!!!1!!!11!1!11!' those are good fs but they don't work on their own. these will actually help in one way or another :)

hell yeah let's go

open your windows. the fresh air and sunlight will do you good and it takes like 5 seconds.

go buy some plants, there are like a gazillion that are next to impossible to kill. and don't come at me with 'ohhh I'll probably find a way hahaha" NO. the plants will be so helpful! they produce oxygen, bring nature indoors which psychologically improves your mental state, and they're just nice to look at! you can name them! sculpt and/or paint little pots for them!

STOP LISTENING TO SAD MUSIC. I cannot stress this enough. it just makes things worse. please stop. make a playlist of all your favorite stupid, happy, pump-up songs and listen to them all the time until they get annoying. then repeat!

acquire a gazillion stuffed animals. so much serotonin for such a small price

get a water bottle and put fun stickers on it, and designate that water bottle to be only for water. nothing else goes in it. that way you can drink out of it for kind of a long time before needing to wash it. keep it filled with water and actually drink out of it. drink as much water as you can, all the time.

chew gum! idk why but it works bro. especially watermelon.

hug people and ask people to hug you. hugs are so amazing it's like pure happiness but with the added perk of Deep Pressure. it can be from your friends, family, s/o, whoever.

make sure there's a lot of light in your room. not good to wallow in darkness. put up fairy lights, get fun lamps, light candles, keep your blinds open, etc.

dress like how you want to feel. be colorful, fun, and comfortable. don't wear hoodies, sweatpants and ratty old shoes, I know it's appealing but it's just going to keep you in that depressed state. I like to wear dresses, colorful jeans, graphic tees from 5-Below, combat boots, and lots of funky earrings. (seriously 5-Below is a lifesaver for literally anything!!!) you can get a lot of these things for super cheap - I got a 20 pack of fun earrings like duckies, mushrooms, mini water bottles, etc. for like $11, and a lot of my colorful jeans are like 6 bucks at the thrift store. whatever your style is or whatever you want it to be, work to make that happen. because getting dressed is one of the simplest things you'll do in a day, so why not make the most of it?

doodle. it's fun and simple, and it'll give your hands something to do other than pick at your skin if you do that kind of stuff (see below).

on a similar note, make art!!!!! it doesn't have to be good!!!!!! just make art all the time, as often as you can. write crappy fanfiction. make friendship bracelets. sculpt a funky lil cat. draw your comfort characters. art is so healing and it will do wonders for you. even just like run your hands through a giant bag of beads like I do :P

get fidgets and bring them everywhere with you. this is more of an anxiety/stimming thing for me but I pick at my fingers, lips, pimples, eyebrows, etc., and it hurts a lot and will probably leave scars. fidgets are just amazing. I'm partial to tangles and infinity cubes :) gum and chewelry are good for this as well (for when I bite my fingers/clothes or chew the skin off my lips)

if you find yourself with a whole day with nothing to do and you don't have the energy to get up and do anything, go to the park. bring a blanket, some snacks, and headphones, and just lay there and listen to music. sleep. watch youtube. literally anything you would normally do when you don't have energy, except it's outside in the sun and grass and nature around other people who are doing the same thing! 10/10

get a pet if you can. even just fish, but really a fluffy, snuggly animal is probably best such as a dog or cat. OH MY GOD THEY HELP SO MUCH. ANIMALS ARE MAGIC. I don't think I've ever been sad while holding or petting my grandma's dog. (our family doesn't have one right now lol)

spray perfume/body spray on you. faster and easier than deodorant and it usually smells better

if you're gonna scroll, scroll pinterest. honestly, it's probably best to get rid of things like tiktok and snapchat, but that's kinda unrealistic for most people so I get it <3 pinterest is probably gonna be better than other social media cause it's more creative?? if you know what I mean?? and usually it's reading things and not mindlessly watching videos

if you don't have the energy to do stuff with your hair, put it up in a bun! fast simple and easy. takes like 5 seconds, even for someone with super thick curly hair like me. (or cut it short! but most of us aren't brave enough to do that lol)

eat fruit. sweet and comforting, but healthy!!! so much better for you than junk food, and honestly it tastes better most of the time too. I recommend strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, watermelon, and cantaloupe. easy to take with you on the go and sooooo good <3333

play calming video games such as animal crossing, minecraft, stardew valley, cats with soup (if you're into mobile games), etc. puzzle games are good too! if you want something more combat-y, I would recommend the zelda games or forager. still chill and mellow but has more combat and story/lore

garden if you can. I know this kind of ties in with having plants in your room, but if you're able and you have the energy, keep a flower and/or vegetable garden. there's something so beautiful in putting your hands in the warm dirt, smelling your freshly-planted flowers, eating sun-infused vegetables that taste infinitely better than store-bought. it's so nice, but I know it's not for everyone so don't worry about it if you don't get around to it <3

sleep in the bus/car on the way to school if you're tired. not a perfect solution but better than falling asleep in class

inhale through your nose, not your mouth. it's better for your lungs and you'll get better air quality that way. it also helps calm you better than mouth breathing, and you can't exactly smell the fresh air through your mouth :P

read. sit down and read a book. carry one with you wherever you go. spend a weekend day in the library with a huge stack of books just reading. it's so calming and helps stimulate your brain. doesn't matter what you read as long as it's making you happy :)

surround yourself with color, not dark drab colors. hang up art and posters on your walls, get bright blankets and pillows, lay out a tiny lil carpet, make bead curtains and string them up on your curtain rod, set out little figurines/sculptures around your room. put color and life everywhere around you, and that will start to seep into your soul.

tea is always good. or if you don't like tea, hot water with lemon juice and honey. basically the same :)

if you ever just don't want to do something, like you just absolutely don't want to get up and do _ thing, think about future you. would they be like "bro thanks so much you really helped me out there" if you did the thing? if yes, then do it, no matter how impossible it seems. you'll thank yourself later.

a statement that is near and dear to my heart: if you feel like everyone hates you, sleep. if you feel like you hate everyone, eat. if you feel like you hate yourself, shower.

NO MORE SU!C!DE JOKES. ever. the end! replace "i'm literally gonna kms" jokes or anything along those lines with "i'm literally gonna flop to the floor" or "i'm literally gonna go ham bananas on this place" or whatever wild bullshit pops into your brain.

watch studio ghibli movies. the most amazing things to ever exist. I have never felt sad while watching a ghibli movie. they are basically the definition of peace.

take a bubble bath!!!!!!!! :D

making your bed helps for some reason??? why, I have no idea. but it does bro

get excited about things. smile when you hear your favorite song. hug your amazon package when it comes in. count down the days until a holiday. laugh with joy when you have an amazing day. it makes things so much better.

that's all for now, lmk if you have anything else to add!!! love you guys, I promise it gets better <3