#and god knows what else but i think i'm getting ahead of myself considering the baseline stuff in itself is buried months ago

[irkendogma]

i need to go into freaklore more on this blog. i need to say more about the fucking mountains of detail i've ended up spitballing

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM BETTER CALL SAUL *  assorted dialogue from season 1 of the show, adjust as necessary

oh, to be nineteen again!

me, personally, if i were held accountable for some of the stupid decisions i made when i was nineteen...

i bet if we were in church right now, i'd get a big "amen!"

they did a dumb thing. we're not denying that.

nobody got hurt. not a soul. very important to keep that in mind.

so... trespassing? that's a bit of a reach, don't you think?

call me crazy, but i don't think they deserve to have their bright futures ruined by a momentary, minute, never-to-be-repeated lapse in judgement.

you're bigger than that.

thank you for restoring my faith in the judicial system.

son of a bitch. fine.

what did you do to my brother?

why don't you look where you're going?

listen! it was an accident!

somebody call the cops!

how are you gonna fix this? what are you gonna do to make things right?

you have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and i won't have it!

do you want me to call security?

isn't that what you wanted?

you know i'm gonna beat this.

you proceed from false principles. your argument is built on quicksand, therefore it collapses.

i might as well head down to skid row and sell plasma!

money is not "beside the point," money is the point!

hand to god, i wasn't gonna say this, but you are broke.

this is what has you all worked up?

i'm the rising tide that raises all dinghies.

it could happen to anyone.

wow. you got a mouth on you.

you know what i smell. i smell lies.

i'm undercover, okay? you got me.

you already beat the living hell out of them.

i'm gonna break their arms. and i'm gonna break their legs.

i'm the best lawyer ever.

it takes ten minutes to walk down here!

you're like a troll under a bridge.

hey, you asked for me, and i have come.

what they were telling me... it's problematic.

you want to tell me your thoughts and weigh in?

you miserable piece of shit. you set me up.

you think you're funny?

i was never in the house.

you didn't... oh god, you didn't. you didn't do the sex-robot voice, did you?

that's why people hate lawyers.

how come you let me off the hook back there?

i'm going back to work. why don't you quit while you're ahead and go on your way?

finally, someone believes me!

it's human nature to want to stay close to home.

please, just don't tell anyone about the money.

you expect me to believe that shit?

i'd cut the cute attitude right about now if i were you.

you ratted on me. there will be consequences.

you know how much trouble you caused me?

i get that... but this? you're better than this.

i refuse to consider myself a victim.

are you ready for that?

i may have seen one of these before.

it's a little... sexual, maybe?

you're completely disgusting, you know that?

oh, here's your coffee. hope it's good to the last drop.

i'm asking you to take a few ounces of lukewarm coffee and spill it on him.

i'm very sorry to hear it.

anything else you wanna ask?

what exactly did you tell them?

how could you possibly think that?

why didn't you ask me? why didn't you come to me?

a deal? i hate that terminology.

you're telling us there are drug dealers and murderers walking the streets, but instead of going after them, they want to put an innocent man in jail.

you broke into a nursing home?

what number exactly did you have in mind?

so... what are you packing?

how do you not pack a gun?

what are you talking about?

the lesson is... if you're gonna be a criminal, do your homework.

i thought you were proud of me.

just save your breath, okay? you're gonna be fine.

this was the greatest week of my life.

i know what stopped me. and you know what? it's never stopping me again.

[chaotic-on-main]

So glad you reblogged this because I did not see your post about this event before. And I almost missed it! 😱 But now I'm here… hi, Sky! Congrats on your milestone, dear! ❤️

I would be interested in one matcha green tea ice cream with cookie crumbles on top. If it's okay, could it be something like Levi comforting the reader while they're anxious and stressed? Something with nice calming domestic vibes maybe?

Order up!! One matcha green tea with cookie crumbles for Rose!!

Sky's Summer Fall and 250 Follower Event!

☾ Pairing ➼ Levi Ackerman x cisfem!Reader

☾ Content/Warning ➼ modernAU, pregnancy, anxiety, established relationship, pregnancy reveal

☾ A/N ➼ hi rose!! again, sorry it's taken me so long to get to this. this wasn't the initial path i had planned, but i think it went better than expected!! also i know i said i wouldn't write a pregnant reader, but i was inspired and i love the idea of dadvi even though i don't see myself wanting kids. there's something to unexpectedly soft about dad levi, and i love to imagine it. i mean, he's already so dad coded considering how many kids he adopts lol. also for anyone seeing this, the rest of my requests are no longer summer themed LMAO. i'm gonna have to do something simple for my next event a;lsdkfjalj

☾ Word Count ➼ ~1.9k

The pattering of raindrops on window panes is a sound that brings comfort to you, doubly so during this time of year. Orange and red leaves lie dormant on the wet pavement only to be run over by various cars going home for the evening. With the end of the year holidays looming around the corner, excitement fills the air. But not for you. Instead, it's overwhelming anxiety, and the rain does not bring the comfort you seek.

You're so in your head that you don't hear the keys in the door and the light footsteps of your husband coming home from work. As you toss some chocolate chips into the red bowl full of light brown dough, your mind bounces from one thought to another. Some thoughts hurt worse than others and you find yourself almost choking up until you force yourself to think of something else.

Long, cold fingers wrap around your wrist as you go to pick up a silicone spatula, holding your arm up midair. You're so startled at the sudden touch that you drop it straight into the bowl – thank god it was mixed enough to not splatter. When your eyes snap to the source, the automatic relief that normally comes with seeing those beautiful gray eyes doesn't wash over you. You’ve underestimated the anxiety that courses through your veins like ice.

“What's wrong?” Your husband's low voice comes out careful.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about right now. Welcome home!” You force out, your lips pulling back on your teeth in a reassuring smile. Levi Ackerman has known you for far too long, and he wasn't stupid. His eyes scan the messy kitchen counters with furrowed brows.

“I count at least 4 mixing bowls, most half filled and only a few finished products. Either you've signed up for a bake sale, or something is wrong. You only get like this when something is bothering you.” Levi's eyes go back to yours.

“I- uh. It's nothing, really.” You check the clock on the stove and gasp. “I didn't realize the time, and I haven't even started on dinner yet. I'm so sorry.” You quickly push aside your mess to make room for some space.

“Go sit down.” Levi says as he puts his keys and phone in the little wicker basket that sits on the far end of the counter.

“No, it's okay! I can do this.” You don't even know what to make for dinner. You've been in a downward spiral all day and haven't thought that far ahead. The sound of glass bottles rattle as you open the fridge doors to peek at your options - only to find them extremely limited. You should have gone to the grocery store earlier today.

The fridge closes in front of you as Levi pushes his way in front of you. Suddenly his hands are cupping your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks in a way he knows is comforting to you. You just now notice his hair slicked back, stuck in place from the rain outside. Black eyebrows scrunch together in concern as he stares at you.

“Levi, I don't need help. I can do this myself.” You mutter.

“Go sit down.” He repeats, softer this time. You stare back, trying to find the energy to argue. But you have none, so you make your way over to the plush navy couch in the living room. In a means to help comfort you, you pull your knees to your chest and stare out the window. Night time has made its way home, the yellow streetlights hazily glowing through the cold rain. It takes everything within you to focus on what you see and hear, and not what races through your mind.

Either you dozed off or fell into a trance because before you know it, Levi comes over and taps your shoulder. You blink a few times as your eyes adjust to what he's holding out to you – a bowl and a glass of water.

“I bet you haven't hydrated once today, have you?” He raises a brow.

“I've been busy?” You give him a small smile, but take the glass anyway. He sets the bowl down in front of you on the coffee table. You didn't even need to see it to know what it was as the smell of it wafts from the kitchen to your nose. Spaghetti, and Levi's spaghetti at that. Well, technically Kuchel’s - Levi's mom – recipe. From the moment he had made it for you when you both first started dating, you knew this was the best recipe you have or will ever taste.

Not only was it delicious, though, it was comforting. It was home.

“Oh, Levi.” You sigh as you reach over to place your glass down so you can pick up the warm bowl in two hands. The smell of herbs and tomatoes dance in your nostrils as you breathe in deeply. You don't hesitate to poke your fork into the red pasta and slurp up the saucy noodles.

The sofa shifts as Levi sits next to you, leg crossed as he leans back with his own bowl in hand. He doesn't say anything as he digs in, eyes looking out to the darkened window. It stays silent save for the quiet smacking and the metal clinking on porcelain. For a while, you're distracted yet again as you fill your tummy but eventually your bowl is empty and the dread starts creeping back in.

“Did you want more or…?” Levi breaks you out of your thoughts and your eyes focus back to what you were looking at – the red-streaked bottom of the bowl.

“Oh, no I'm good. Thank you for making dinner. I'm sorry I couldn't have it done by the time you got home.” You smile softly at him as you hand him your bowl. His lips twitch as he regards you. He takes the bowl from you and you think he's about to get up but instead, he sets it on the coffee table and shifts so that he's facing you fully.

“There's nothing to apologize for, dummy. What's going on in that head of yours?” He reaches over and taps your forehead gently with a forefinger.

“I don't know if this is the right time.” You whisper, feeling tears prick at the corners of your eyes.

“I'm home for the night, we have plenty of time before bed.” His hand trails down your face and cups your jaw as he holds your gaze. “What's going on?”

Reaching up, you rest your hand over his and lean into his touch. Then with a shuddering breath, you gently pry his hand off and stand up. Without another word, you make your way to the master bathroom and retrieve what you're looking for. Before exiting, you bend over the sink to take a few deep breaths. You just need to rip this off like a bandaid, you keep repeating to yourself.

Making your way down the hallway back to the living room, your fingers shake. The room grows silent as you hold the little white stick up to eye level the moment you step in front of your extremely confused husband.

Levi has to squint to see the little pink plus sign. There's a range of emotions that flood his face past the initial shock. You know when the realization hits him because his wide eyes flit over to yours as he checks to see if you're kidding. You only nod your head back. There's a moment of excitement that lights up in his eyes before the same look of anxiety that no doubt mirrors your own stares back at you.

Your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach at that.

“I-" Levi chokes on his words.

“It's real.”

You hear Levi inhale loudly as he runs his fingers through his hair and step back as he processes. You’ve been with Levi for so long but even you didn't know how he would react. Children weren't off the table, but you both had agreed to start a family when the time was right. To you, this was the worst possible time with Levi starting a new job and your writing career finally taking off. His reaction is enough to confirm those thoughts. Or, at least that’s what you thought.

“I know this is awful timing. And I’m sure we're not ready. I'm so-" Your last words are cut short into a squeak as a pair of strong arms pull you into a warm chest, the sudden movement causing the pregnancy test to fall and bounce onto the rug. You can feel Levi's heart beating a mile a minute against your own.

“Don't apologize.”

“But you’re not excited.” You’ve started crying and you can feel your tears seeping into Levi's shirt. He pushes you away from him and holds you there. His dark eyes bounce between yours as he regards you.

“Who said I wasn't?"

“I- just your face-"

“I won't pretend to say I'm not nervous. You know, Kenny was the only father figure I had and he wasn't around, not when it mattered, at least. I'm scared, actually.” His eyebrows furrow to match the concern that laces his tone.

“Levi-"

“But this is exciting, and I'm thrilled. And we'll navigate through this like we always do. But, how do you feel about it?”

“Well, I guess I'm scared too. Anxious. Our jobs are just taking off, and while I'm excited for a family with you, I'm just not sure how to take this.” You pull a hand up to wipe away the salty tears that streams down your face.

“We have 9 months, give or take. That's plenty of time for us to figure things out. But is this what you want?” Levi let's go of your arms to cup your face again. That moment of hesitance that graced his features is no longer there, only replaced by love.

“Do you think we'll be ready by then?”

“Who knows. But we can try. We'll figure it out together.” Levi pulls you back in and holds you in his tight embrace. You bury your face in his shirt, once again letting it soak up any leftover tears.

“If it's any consolation, I think you'll be a great dad. I watch the way you interact with your little cousin during get-togethers.”

“Tch. If our child is anything like Mikasa, I'm sure we'll be fine. But if they're like her friend Eren, we're starting over.” You laugh at that and slap his chest playfully.

“Levi, you can't say shit like that.”

“I'm just kidding. Mostly. That Eren kid has something wrong with him, I swear.”

You hold on to him in silence for a bit, taking note of the slowing heart beat between the two of you as the news finally sinks in. You were going to be a mom. You were going to be a parent with Levi.

“Someone needs to eat this. This is way too much for just the two of us.” You hear Levi chuckle. You can't see it, but you know he's staring at the mess you've made all day. You'll be up until 3am making sure everything gets baked so it doesn't go to waste.

“Three of us.” You lean back to look at your husband, smiling at that comment.

“You're right, the three of us.” You feel as Levi gently rests the palm of his hand on your stomach and leans down to kiss you softly. Your anxiety still lingers, but now it's tinged with relief because no matter what life throws at you, Levi is here.

tagging: @humanitys-strongest-bamf @romantichomicide95 @youre-ackermine @roseofdarknessblog @missamity @levis-squishy-cheeks @icansmellsouls @dkbktk420 @elnyrae @secretmoneybearvoid @apolloshaiku @sujiroses @jadam724 @e-riellaaa @kamyru @highgoon69 @missyasma @kingkonoha @sckerman @notgoodforlife @nube55 @svftackerman @velouria17 @melodyuzumaki

if you're not a part of my taglist but would like to be (or take off lol), please fill out the taglist on my pinned post!

[goji-pilled]

MK-S: (Unmarked talk about the final boss of the Elden Ring DLC ahead, but you already know about him. This warning is more for anyone else reading. Though feel free to PM me if you’d like me to resubmit this ask with any redactions, if you want to respond but don’t want the spoilers mentions, as I just saw you were censoring spoiler information.)

I was randomly thinking one day and decided to give myself a challenge to defend Miquella’s actions. (I don’t agree with them, but that’s what makes it a challenge; trying to think of things in a different way, and see if I can stumble across new ideas/theories in the process.) That’s when I realized something, and I’ll start a new paragraph for dramatic effect and intro. (Please keep in mind this isn’t my “headcanon”, but rather a possible “interpretation” of events.)

I had wondered for the longest time how Miquella’s “eternal youth” could be considered a curse. On its surface, it seems more like a minor inconvenience, especially compared to Rot. But as I was thinking about Miquella’s actions and this notion, a thought struck me: What it’s not just his body that was eternally young, but his mind/maturity? Physically unable to emotionally mature, and being stuck with a child’s outlook of the world. Now THAT could definitely qualify as more of a curse. And makes events take on a tragic new light.

Miquella seems to want to help people, like a kindly child, but he’s not able to truly grasp concepts like the importance of choice and free will. So in his mind, if he wants people to stop fighting and get along, the simplest thing to do is brainwash them and then problem solved, they stopped fighting each other. But he fails to truly grasp that he took something important from them.

Come think of it, maybe that’s what his promise with Rahdan was; if a truly young Miquella, as in only 12 years old and named an Empyrean, a god to be, sought comfort from his older half brother Rahdan, Rahdan may have made an offhand promise or agreement to help calm the distressed child. But since, under this interpretation, Miquella remains immature, then like other children he just operates under the mindset of “a promise is a promise”. So when Rahdan doesn’t follow through on a promise he didn’t really mean, or even thought was taken seriously, Miquella throws a tantrum and sends Malenia after him.

No wonder Malenia describes him as “the most fearsome Empyrean of all”; He has all these powers, he’s a genius as evidenced by the spells he’s created along with the Needle, and he’s too emotionally immature to be responsible with his gifts.

Hope this was entertaining to read. Again, I’m not saying nor suggesting “this is official, how it’s meant to be”, but just thinking about a different interpretation of the circumstances, and how those interpretations result in new stories and motivations. Good day to you!

See when it comes to Miquella I have many thoughts, especially with the vow he and Radahn made.

While I certainy see and understand the argument that perhaps his eternal youth also refers to his emotional maturity and mental state, I'm not a fan. But that's more a personal thing.

I feel like something that helps a lot with understanding him is the fact that he and Ranni are very clear parallels/foils in terms of their characters.

Unless of course someone doesn't understand Ranni either, in which case we get the takes such as "They're both evil but Ranni gets excused because she's hot" lmfao

They're both Empyreans, possible canidates to succeed Marika and become a god and when you think about it they take quite similiar paths in the end.

Ranni -> Orchestrates the Night of Black Knives in which she uses her step-half brother Godwyn to rid herself of her empyrean flesh -> Radahn and the Radahn festival play a key role -> The Tarnished essentially becomes her Promised Consort -> Age of Stars

Miquella -> Bewitched his half brother Mohg to use him for his plan -> rids himself of his empyrean flesh -> Radahn and the Radahn festival play a key role -> Promised Consort Radahn / Radahn Consort of Miquella -> Age of Compassion (Had he suceeded)

And there's of course the two most important points:

A god who forces his will onto the people, a god who grants the people true free will and their perception of love.

Love is something natural to Miquella. Love and affection are given to him freely by so many, for him love may very well have been taken granted, and why shouldn't he? Like I said everyone loved him, gave it to him freely as if it's the easiest thing in the world. And why shouldn't someone who's kind at heart wish to share this with the world? To unite all beings in a kind, gentler world.

And then he make his gravest mistake: to abandon his kindess and love. To rid himself not just of his flesh, but of the very thing he had promised to use to make the world better.

But he still wants to lead the world into an age of compassion, of love! And if someone rejects his love? Well, he'll just make them accept, makes them love him. It's better for their own good if he is the one who makes this choice for them.

Yet the truth is: What meaning holds "love" and a supposed "Age of Compassion" forced upon you by a god that cannot even love anymore?

But to Ranni? Oh to Ranni love is a precious thing. She's a carian, and boy, carians simply love at their very core. From Rennala, to Rellana, Rykard, Radahn, Ranni herself and even Blaidd: They all love. She loved and trusted her brothers, she loves Blaidd and Iji, sounds guilty when she speaks about how much they're both willing to give her, she chooses the Tarnished as her consort and let's them hold her heart in their palms. She does not give her love out lightly, because it is a precious thing, but she treasures it.

And on top of that she stands for the right to choose, to dictate your own fate without any god or order forcing their will onto you, to not be controlled by these things. That's the order she envisons, led by the moon into the dark night and far away from the world. Even if it means facing uncertainty amd being afraid, from that day on the people will have the chance to truly choose their fates without gods.

And this shows with their chosen consorts too.

Although they made a vow, it is entirely possible Radahn did not actually want to be part of this after the Shattering (unless I'm missing something), which possibly may have led to the Battle of Aeonia and could explain Malenia's line "Miquella awaits thee, O Promised Consort" right before she blooms. Even more so because I vaguely recall hearing something about Jerren and Radahn having made a promise to have Radahn die an honourable death at the Festival.

If that is the case, and the Consort Radahn we face may as well be charmed like Mohg was (it is his body too so like...) it yet again parallels with Ranni.

Because Ranni chooses the Tarnished, we are her only choice, and yet she does not force them. In fact, Ranni does everything in her power to ensure the Tarnished is well aware of everything even before she gives them the key, as shown through the conversations during the hunt for the Shadow in Nokstella. Hell, the ring itself holds a warning!!

Yet even after all of that, she still makes sure to let us know what the Age of Stars entails.

She has made her choice, and she chose us and she has been open and honest so that we can make a choice too.

I have said this before but all things considered, especislly the nature of the ring, the game could've easily locked us in the Age of Stars ending but it doesn't. And it is extremely reflective of Ranni as a character. She will not ever force us to do anything even if it means losing the chance to realize her order, even if it means experiencing heartbreak, well aware of what it can do.

Fate and love are things not to be forced no matter what, they are choices, because Ranni may have rid herself of her flesh, may be ready to betray everything, but she still holds onto her heart, her ideals, her love and the ability to love.

To Miquella love is a means to an end, a weapon if need be, and the right to choose does not matter anymore, because he not just rid himself of his flesh but of his love and ability to love. In the name of achieving godhood he has lost himself, he is but a husk with the empty ambition to fulfill a child's dream.

The worst part? Saint Trina, the part that was his love begs you to kill him, because godhood would be a prison for him.

Miquella is not evil, nor is he good.

Miquella is a tragedy.

[lennonmurphy]

I dove headfirst into adulthood. Here's what I've learned:

As a recent college grad, I've been overwhelmed by the bitter taste of independence and adulthood. Freedom is good, but the anxiety, fear, and insecurity requires a lot of adjustment. I'd know, considering the first few months of official adulthood for me has resulted in stress-induced alopecia (it's getting better, thank god).

I think I've learned more in the past few months than I have in the last two decades. I'd like to share a few of these things.

You will learn more in your first few months as an independent adult than you ever did at college and that's okay.

From budgeting to time management to mental health, it has been a whirlwind of life lessons for me. I've panicked over more things in the past few months than I ever have in my life, which is borderline impressive considering how anxiety-ridden I am. But, you do learn. And it does get easier.

Sometimes things are scary, but you will always make it through.

Nothing in life is so bad that you can't make it through. There is always a way. You just have to ground yourself with that knowledge and be present. Where are you right now? What can you do, right now? Sometimes you end up creating problems that aren't even there, and you stress yourself out more. It isn't worth it- save your energy. Even when it seems like the end of the world, you get back up.

Time spent on your own is good and necessary.

I can't lie, my biggest fear for most of my life was loneliness. But, being alone doesn't have to mean you are lonely. And, time alone is necessary. Whether you're pursuing passion projects or just relaxing, you need this down time. Otherwise, you'll have no energy to dedicate to anything else. Let yourself recharge.

Some people are brick walls.

I am extremely argumentative. I love debate, and I love winning debates. At times this is a great trait, at other times it is to my detriment. When other people just *won't* hear you out, you've got to know when it's time to call it. Some people truly are brick walls and it isn't worth wasting your energy to convince them of something when they aren't open to hearing that they are wrong. Which leads to another point.

Know when you are wrong.

The inability to admit wrongdoing is often a symptom of young age, but your life gets so much better when you can admit it. It leads to improved communication, and it saves friendships. Plus, why wouldn't you want to improve and get better? Being wrong is not the end of the world. You are a human and you are constantly improving. That is okay!

Slowly, but surely.

This mindset has been saving me recently. I am an instant gratification girly, and I have been learning not to be. Many things in life do not come easy. Just be patient and keep working towards your goals, and don't lose hope.

For the love of god, watch where you are running on trails.

I've been an avid runner for years now, but injury has stopped me from consistently running for a few years. I'm getting back into it now, and I've fallen three times in the past two months on the trails, scraping my knees and pulling muscles. So, if you're trail running, watch the path ahead of you. It'll save you a lot of time (and swearing).

Cats are amazing.

I love cats so much, but wow. Having a cat yourself? Life changing. A complete mental health game changer. I love my cat so much.

Positive self talk does wonders.

It sounds corny, but positive self talk really does help. When I'm running and I feel like stopping (my endurance just isn't what it used to be, but we're getting there) I tell myself "you're doing it!" and "you can! you are!". Gotta say, it does keep you going- and not just for running.

I know I'll definitely continue to learn more. Comes with the territory. Maybe I'll add some updates to this list as I go.

Thank you for reading :)

[littlestartemis]

There's a good chance I'm just being a stick in the mud here, and before I say anything else I wanna clarify that like, if you are enjoying and excited for sonic movie 3, like do your thing, I'm not vagueblogging or making callouts about people who like them.

I liked the first two movies decently well when they came out, I remember being a part of that first wave of people who went "Wow, that was so much better than I expected, haha its finally a good video game movie!" And the thing is, movie 3 doesn't look to be doing anything notably different from the first two. So, I've been asking myself, ever since the first trailer for movie 3 dropped, "why are you so much more down on this one? Why does this suddenly strike you as Bad?"

I think it has to do with the context in which these movies are releasing. Like let's turn the clock back to the release of sonic movie 1, Feb 2020. The last 4 sonic games chronologically on the marker were Forces, Mania, TSR, and fucking Rise of Lyric, not to mention the BOOM cartoon still being fresh in folks heads. "But one of those is good!" Yes, and it was made entirely by essentially contracted fans. Sonic was in an ATROCIOUS place that kinda felt hopeless to recover from. So, yeah, at the time the first movie really was a breath of fresh air. Despite the MCU style quips, the fucking cop dad, and the abundance of humans as a focus, it was STILL better than any other Sonic Thing being made at the time, because it was putting a modicum of effort into depicting the character of Sonic as a Character, and not just a caricature, to say nothing of hints of introducing their own original lore elements. Movie 2 did more of that! Just 2 years later, it gave us exactly what movie 1 did, just more! For good and bad. I remember coming out of 2 a little more lukewarm, but still more or less Content, because it was a pretty good Sonic thing that came out.

And then I read the IDW comic finally.

I felt borderline insulted that there was honest to god high quality, funny, gripping, and passionate Sonic material on the market that I just didn't know about until thinking it look it over out of idle curiosity. Sure, I knew the comics Existed, I remember when IDW first got the IP and they premiered Tangle, everyone loves Tangle. But I just kind of assumed it was like anything else Sonic coming out at the time; mediocre at best. And I'm really mad at myself for that, because the IDW comics are possibly everything you could want if you also considered yourself a starving Sonic fan. You like that one character who hasn't been in the spotlight for years? IDW has you covered. Character dynamics and not just one liners? IDW. Honest to god emotion and pathos? IIIIIIIIDW. And its been going on in the background of all this garbage for years now with nary a thrown bone. Please for the love of god read the IDW comics.

And THEN. Frontiers happened.

To get out ahead of this, yes I could take a red pen to Frontiers and underline every little mistake it makes from both a mechanical and narrative perspective. But I won't be doing that. Frontiers represented something I genuinely thought would not happen; Sonic, both the character and the series, getting a massive shot in the arm. New character that actually adds something to the universe with staying power. New lore for old concepts. A new take on voice direction that put previously Just Fine VAs in a better light. Ian Flynn - the guy primarily behind the IDW comics! - brought on as a writer (and no not just a translator he did work with the sonic team guys on the script). Real, tangible ambition in gameplay with player freedom as a focal point. If you described Frontiers, faults and all, to someone in 2018 or so, they'd assume it was a passionate fangame, because sonic team/sega could NEVER make something like this. And yet, here we are.

And then Shadow Generations! I almost feel like I dont need to elaborate on this one, everyone is head over heels for ShadowGen, for what I think are plainly obvious reasons. Building off the back of the previous game instead of throwing it all out and making a new engine Again. Reinstating one of the most popular characters and including everything people Actually Liked about him to begin with. Honest to god closure and emotional payoff for him. Getting back Marza Animation for like the entire game?? Frontiers was "a step in the right direction". ShadowGen is just A Good Fucking Sonic Game.

And then you compare that now. Living now in a post IDW, Frontiers, and ShadowGens timeline... movie 3 doesn't have a place anymore. Its trying to do all the same things as 1 and 2 but where before they were pleasant consolations, now they ring... annoying.

After Frontiers and IDW actually made me laugh on more than one occasion, hearing Sonic make marvel quips makes me groan. After seeing them make strides in referencing and reincorporating their own lore, reference gags like Knuckles going "pika pika!" makes me roll my eyes and sigh. Gerald finally has an Actual Character now, we have this wonderful window into who he was as a person, the mournful father of Shadow and grandfather to Maria, the good man backed into a wall by fate... and then seeing him being played as a box standard Evil Scientist by Jim Fucking Carrey makes me want to eat drywall.

Its a remarkable phenomenon really, the movies are continuing to do the Exact same thing they've always been doing, but now the landscape has changed around them. And I honestly don't think there's a place for them anymore, not unless they grow up real damn quick. I love the path that the sonic series is on right now, because its reminded me why I like it to begin with. I dont love that we've gotta still walk it with this guy going "So THAT just happened" and cocking an eyebrow every time something Mildly Strange happens.

[calamitaswrath]

Lucia plays Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn: Chapter 10

So, we're already at the endgame of this first part. I think I mentioned it before, but on the one hand, I found it really interesting how in terms of both setup and general structure, this part really strongly mirrors the story of Path of Radiance - evil kingdom(/empire) invades, plucky small hero group fights against them and all odds, and they help the hidden, long-lost heir to the throne get into power. They even have a chapter where they attack a prison to bolster their ranks! But the fact that this is all just setup for the rest of the game really feels like it kind of hurts this new cast, who I feel were really rather rushed through their story without really being given the chance to be properly developed. But I'm getting ahead of myself here. . .

To leave that tangent somewhat relevant, though: Jarod really is no Ashnard, even if he is the final boss of this arc. I guess if you wanna read into this a bit deeper, you could say that this parallel wants to show that Ashnard and everything he did is just a petty squabble compared to what else is to come in this game?

. . .Huh, Izuka actually making a good point for once. Micaiah really has been getting far more renown from everything she has done, leaving Pelleas a bit on the wayside. Speaking of him - I'm still not quite sure what his deal is. Like, with him as a person. He recognized Micaiah being a branded, but what does that mean for him and did he even really recognize her?

Pelleas is even having some trouble with his speech like Elincia did in the last game. Parallels are strong in this one.

Base conversations! . . .God, I still feel bad for not really using Fiona. By all rights, she should be an important and strong character, but. . . yeah. And she's even giving me a Thani, when my current one's not even close to breaking yet. . .

Volug can talk?! . . .But only the ancient language, lol. But he's giving me money (or, well, a blue gem, but same thing) so that's neat.

You know, if nothing else, then I have to admire Jarod for sticking to what he believes in, and having a realistic outlook of his position. Dude's a shithead, but at least one who's honest in his own twisted way.

Ha, a proper coronation scene for Pelleas in-engine. That's neat. And if I see this correctly, then Almedha has an overworld model? Inch resting. . .

Micaiah's getting a promotion from the rightful heir to the throne that she has been helping all this time. The parallels sure are paralleling here.

But ahhh, her Light Sage outfit is super cute and pretty!

Aaand I knew this was coming, but it's still sad to see - our farewells to Muarim, Tormod, Nailah, Rafiel, and last but absolutely not least, Vika. The interactions between Sothe and Tormod, though. . . man, I really do need to read up on whether or not those two had any supports in PoR. They have chemistry.

But yeah, Laguz racism is still a thing. No wonder there, considering that Gallia played a big role in Daein's defeat.

Hm. You know, between it being a thing that's intrinsic to who you are, but also something that you wouldn't be able to tell at a glance of somebody and being something that makes you fit in with neither Laguz nor Beorc - being a Branded really does work as a stand-in for being queer, no? Anyway, trans Micaiah headcanon I'd say.

Speaking of her, that branded sign is absolutely sick. Depending on how much I like her and the game overall, that might be worth an idea for a tatoo one day. . . idk, just throwing random thoughts out. Who knows if I ever really want that.

Also speaking of Micaiah - I have already been wondering about her heritage! I sadly did already get spoiled and heard that she is Sanaki's half-sister, but I know literally no context on that. Which parent does she share with Sanaki, and what kind of Laguz her Laguz parent was. . . I really have no idea.

MICAIAH INSISTING THAT SHE'LL VISIT VIKA IN THE DESERT!! I was fully prepared to have their base conversation being the only interaction the two of them have, but AHHH THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO SEE

Oh, Volug's staying with Micaiah and the others after all! That's nice.

lol @ Sothe getting pecked by Yune. These games are really not for people who do not like birds.

I didn't actually deploy the Black Knight on this chapter because I figured he'd just steal experience from units who need it more. But I'll also read up on the conversations that I missed on this map, because I am Curious™.

Oh, Jarod's conversation with the Black Knight is gold. "What inspired you to slooooowly clank your way up out of your grave?" - yeah that's just how armoured units are in this game. But also, Jarod actually wanting to avenge Alder's death. . .

Not much there in the other conversations with the Black Knight. Him talking about how Micaiah reminds him of someone. . . did he know her mother, by chance? Or. . . nah, that probably can't be, since Micaiah is apparently far older than she seems. Sanaki then?

[atmymercy]

Hey, it's me!! How are you!? Lemme try my luck with this one.

Okay so something I did for somebody that made me really happy was definitely helping people out, like i had a conversation here with one of the people who was struggling with something and I tried my best to help them out and they complemented me which made me feel really happy that I was able to help somehow even if it's not a huge one. Also yesterday I made someone across the road, an old lady that said may god bless you and that's it. It made my day!! Love these small moments ng. Also you also share yours would love to hear that;!

Myself Jasmine, I'm a Capricorn sun, virgo moon and Taurus rising.

My question is-> What blessings are coming my way?

Thankyou so very much, have a wonderful and amazing day ahead!! Sending my warmest hugs. 🫶🏻🤍🫂🧿

♡ giveaway winner - 4/5 ♡

hello jasmine! it's you! lol i'm so good! i'm just enjoying these readings and spend some time with you guys! and you can try your luck! but you forgot to tell me which oracle deck you wanted! i'll assume it's my choice! lol

oh good for you, honey! it takes a lot of energy and compassion to be there for somebody else when they are having a hard moment! so it's so sweet that you attended to them when they were feeling band and tried to make it better! and so cute how you helped somebody walk across the street too! so simple yet so moving! it's funny how those small moments stay with us, huh? good for you, honey!

for you, i got the 8th house, chiron & hygeia.

"i just don't want to wait" kept getting repeated in my head as i was shuffling your cards! it got really distracting and i couldn't help but laugh because it's like your spirit guides were teasing you for not wanting to wait for your blessings! instead you wanted to know about them now! it's cute! "i want to celebrate now!" is what i heard after that and i giggled again! lol too cute! okay! so your blessing is some internal healing, honey! and this is not just some easy healing either. we're talking about a subject that you would never even think about, unless you are alone because it's something that you don't like thinking about. a healing for an old 'tortured' wound that needs some cleaning and maintenance so that you can start a new cycle because behind the 8th house is the new moon. to me, this is talking about using an old past would or trauma, but you use it to see the world with new eyes so you can heal and release. a blessing of a cleanse! woot!

hope you enjoyed it! please give feedback or buy me a coffee/tip when you can! if you want to explore this further, please also consider a private read. also thank you for sharing with me!♡

love & light!

-tea

♡ message me for details/questions & to book this reading! ♡

[cloudy-with-a-chance-of-chaos]

The Baldurian Journal

Written based on my playthroughs in Baldur's Gate 3 - lemme make myself known as a sort of vanilla player Feel free to ask me about it on my askbox or on the comment section. ⚠️ Long read ⚠️

"I don't know what day is today. Actually I've been on the road for quite a while now and didn't manage to keep track of everything. It's part of the reason I'm writing it down now; not to be a Doomsday messenger, but if it comes to transforming, I think I should leave something behind, to at least show I didn't cave in easily. I also don't know if my trouble remembering things is due to the worm inside my head or just the general falling, crashing, fighting sequelae. Who knows? Had trouble figuring out how to write too. And for some reason, maybe a lapse of insanity, I figured I'd ask the elf for advice. Suffice to say he rolled his eyes, spit out "From the beginning. Where else?", and left me talking alone, wandering to God knows where he goes at night... I don't like this guy. I mean... I'm not fond of him. I can see his appeal — the red piercing eyes everytime he looks at me and, honestly, he's a good talker, and I do not take (much) pride in sharing some points of view with him. But he's so completely and overbearingly annoying. So extremely obnoxious. A girl cannot consider saving a child at peace, it always makes him moody. If he's so bothered why join? Everyone else seems on board with how I've been managing things in order to SURVIVE, but Mr. Magistrate rolls his eyes and barks at me. Well sir, bite me. The past few days have been absolute pandemonium. And as my darling "friend" suggested, I'll start from the beginning. My name is Alyah. I was on the shipwreck days ago. Me and the githyanki Lae'zel rescued this mysterious cleric named Shadowheart before bringing the ship down. People have mentioned it "fell" but I know well enough I crashed it. When I woke up at the beach, the githyanki had vanished; I don't know if she's survived. Astarion was the first one I found, by chance, looking around the debris to figure what the hell happened. And as charming as he is, got me in a headlock with a dagger to my face. To be honest I was quite surprised to be taken down by this frail looking elf; pale, thin and with eyes rather deep in his skull as if he hasn't eaten in days. He has some strength to him, I'll give him that, but it only took me longer to get rid of his paws because of the element of surprise. He said he was on the ship. He saw me there... And once I managed to get away from his dagger he looked... Scared. This was the last time I had a heart-fluttering sympathy for him. Ever since he started following me around like a lost puppy, he's bullied every single person I've talked to. Shadowheart was not amused to have him make fun of her name. Neither was Gale, Gale of Waterdeep, when the local red-eyed pet put his wizarding credentials at stake. Though I kind of agree with Astarion, getting stuck on his own portal was NOT a very crediting move. And as I feared, Gale as also on the ship. And is also stuck with a tadpole in his brains. Although he sounds, looks and behaves way too chirper to someone on the death row...

•••

We tried walking around the forest to explore and look for more survivors, but none in sight. To be honest we stranded so much from the ship I don't think either of us has any idea of how to go back — subconsciously, I think we're all trying to get away as far as possible from those things, even if there's one of them inside each of us.

– Stop. – Astarion grabbed my arm – Listen.

– And what should we be listening to? – Shadowheart mumbled and got the ugliest frown from him.

Elf versus half-elf. I suppose he has better hearing.

His hand pulled me, and the whole group, to the back of a rock to listen. People yelling. Someone asking to open the gate. I found myself staring at the three of them hiding with me and realized I was just a foot in front of the group. Astarion nodded to me.

– Go ahead. – he whispered.

Of course. It's not him who's gonna get killed on day one.

It took me a step. Just a step a bit to the side to try and see what was going on and suddenly all of the Nine Hells broke loose.

Goblins.

A couple of them right behind us, forcing us into battle.

If I recall correctly, Gale electrocuted two of them. I might be wrong. Astarion and Shadowheart had an unbelievable teamwork, given that they act with nothing but despise for each other.

And me. I finally had my hands on my axe after what seemed too long.

Though we were caught by surprise, I thought it was a refreshing battle. A good one. No losses, no harm done (to me and my own), but a nice way to put my body at work again.

The gate that person (I still don't know and actually don't care for whom it was) was asking to be opened, opened. They were wearing the same uniforms as the guards up on the watching.

– Easy to open now, that their own people is mutilated. – I grumbled, avoiding slipping on the fresh blood on the grass and I can swear I heard someone chuckle behind me. I would bet on Astarion, because he had a smirk on that face when I looked behind, but so did Gale.

Maybe I'm funny.

– Should we go inside? – Shadowheart asked, dusting her clothes.

– I don't see why not. – Gale stopped by my side – Hopefully there'll be a nice resting spot for us if they're willing to take in some disheveled travelers like ourselves.

– What if they don't, dear?

– You've seen how quick she runs, we'll be out there in no time. – I could see Gale smiling and Astarion frowning again.

– Or maybe we'll get our hands dirty again... – I said, expecting a reaction. Gale didn't give me one. Shadowheart looked rather annoyed. But Astarion spinned his dagger on his fingers and gestured at me with it.

– Well, if worse comes to worse, at least blood looks good on you, darling.

It sounded enticing, but looked menacing. I wasn't his darling, not if I dragged him into another meaningless fight.

Pity.

I like meaningless fights.

– Well... – I pulled my axe and pointed at him; this is a temporary alliance and it will come the day him and I will end up at each other's throats. But for now... – On you too. Now let's go inside.

[exoticalmonde]

Part II. Hortus de Escapismo Dr. Evealia's Reaction

Well, first of all, my snake sandwich gets his skin before anything else happens.

Second, SPOILERS up ahead about the entire Hortus de Escapismo event, including the story, art and the full blow of my tears.

I think this is covering HE-1 through HE-4.

God in the basement has spoken and it says that something is wrong. A totally normal day in Laterano where your robotic diety is getting haywired from the inside. Surely this isn't going to be another cliffhanger where we never learn about whatever the hell this is since I may or may have not... skipped... Guiding Ahead story-wise.

Transcribed: [Raise your head and stand by my side, Saint Federico Giallo, the first Chosen of Laterano who does not come from the ranks of the popes.]

AYO IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING WE GET TO SEE HIM BECOME A SAINT???

The reason for that is that Pope Yvangelista XI got the threat responce from the MachineTM, but how does he plan to stop that, whatever it is, from happening if he just... baptises everybody? I agree with that other knight a moment ago, this sounds like a bad idea if that's the procedure for every account. Of course, we know Executor is the perfect personification of clean-cut justice, so how could it go wrong?

---

Transcribed: [Eating]

Ah.

---

Transcribed: [ Delfina: You always have that gun with you. You got it from your dad, right? I thought it doesn't work anymore.

Fortuna: It doesn't. Maybe it's a parts problem. And I don't know how to use a gun myself...]

Can we just very shortly mention the meaning of their names? Delfina is Dolphin and Fortuna is Good Fate; Luck, but Delfina keeps calling Fortuna just Tuna. So they're Dolphin and Tuna.

---

I absolutely need everybody to keep in mind that this is a fragment of a city that drifted away from the main city 60 or so years ago and got stranded. This is a city on wheels in the middle of ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY NOWHERE. And it's winter. These guys here are going to perish.

---

... Great. Wonderful. Bleed me to death why don't you?

Where are they even come from? Are those Iberian beasts that are prowling the streets? Is it just a random angry wolf that's evolved in some bizzare way from the wastes and stalks people? Do they have any way to defend themselves against those canonically?

---

Can i insert a spoiler from the me that played this on my own for the second time? These are useless. It says that they can help relax the panicking residents but it left me with the impression it was meant to do it somewhat passively.

Not even a smitherine. If anybody tells you they do, they're lying. 20 DP for a resident whose bar raises faster than DP regenerates on 70% of the maps is a terrible introduction into the overall gameplay.

Maybe I was bad, but it's so... Not meant to force me to replay the tutorial twice, you know? Not this one at least.

---

It does remain a funny act though. They run from statue to statue looking for something to pray to. How... futile. At least I don't have to defend them from enemies.

---

The maps are gorgeous though... I love what they're doing for everything after spending way too long in chapters 4-8 looking at literally nothing. I enjoy this a LOT.

---

Raimund huh?

I'm not a nun but I'd be on my knees for you in a second. Lord have mercy on you or whatever.

---

BABABABABABABABY BIRDS LITTLE FLOOFERS WHAT ARE YOU WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE EXPLAIN YOUR SMOLLNESS!!!

---

I love them so much... I hope the children are not doomed by the narrative.

---

Oh I like Gerald as well... Him and Reimund are such father figure/son figure I hope to see more interaction between them. He seems pretty trustworthy though. Like, seriously just cares about his people and considering so far we saw a peace between Sarkaz and Sankta that has never been in the outside world... you know he has authority that matters.

---

PFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LEMUEN IS SUCH A MIPY YOURE A GOOD BEAN

---

Me: "Don't you love it when people in the story talk about plans they have previously made in such a way that doesnt tell me anything just so they can agree upon actions and or warn each other of consequences to actions without ever mentioning what they are and then I end up not understanding a single thing when the story ends, like… Isn't it fun?" Pinkie: "Ok, Fiametta." Me: "No, I'm being serious this is all over Arknights, I hate it." Pinkie: "I really can't tell if you're sarcastic right now, but this is really why Fiametta is so pissed." Me: "Well, call me spicy chicken." Pinkie: "Call me a Fat Duck then, because I'm about to go off."

---

HA! Throwback to Guiding Ahead. Very nice.

---

Transcribed: [The average conversation between the two of you is about as entertaining as 'What did you eat last night?' 'Dinner.']

THEY DO TALK LIKE THAT THOUGH HEFHFNAHGOINAGN

---

Transcribed: [

Spuria: Federico, how much do I have to pay you for a few extra words? You name the price, and I'll send the bill to His Holiness.

Federico: I have never considered this question.]

They have the funniest banters and Federico probably doesn't even understand that it's happening, this is simultaniously the funniest and saddest outcome to any conversation ever.

---

...

...

Transcribed: [The dim light finally illuminates the girl's face, revealing spotty traces of blood, as well as the black horns protruding from her forehead.

Sankta blood drips onto the chapel's floorboards, giving off a dull sound. It is a deafening sound, one that opens all eyes wide.

The patron firearm used for prayer finally slips from the hands that were clutching it tightly.]

Oh... My... Fortuna...

---

Transcribed: [

Twisted Monster: (Indescipherable howling)

Lemuen: Nuh-uh, just because I'm physically handicapped doesn't mean you can pick on me, visitor!]

I love Lemuen, she is the best bright pink-haired girl ever.

---

Oya, welcome to Rhodes Island, uh-- *nervously looking around as there is not a single Sankta on my ship* -- feel... feel uh-- at home... Not Laterano home uh--- Sarkaz are not allowed there haha, but uh-- Just take... I mean your room is down the hall, di- mm dinner is at seven o'clock.

[sidhewrites]

22! Someone else write this for me i'm just throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks. We got the end of the renfield arc and setting up for the climax of the book, but god knows if any of it makes any sense.

Project Info

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

"Right," I say. "Cool." We're fucked. "What's next on the list?" When Josie doesn't answer, I look over to see her wide-eyed, mouth agape. "Josie?"

"I don't know. This is..."

"We've got to convince him to trade his body for this one," Lucy butts in. She's flickering in and out of visibility. Magnus' magic ghost power shit is messing with her own tether to this world as she stares down the ghosts around us, daring them to come closer. "It's a banishing ritual, right? So we've got to drag him out of there quickly."

[They go up, and have to basically distract him while the world is being sucked into the grave, while Lucy and Josie say a spell. Rocks are floating, bits of the church are starting to crumble.]

I feel a piece of my heart break off with every brick that starts to crumble. The church hasn't been used in decades, but it's part of the graveyard. My graveyard. And I won't let some old fart with a noise complaint ruin it.

So I renew my efforts to get his attention. I jump around and wave my hands. "Hey! Mags! Over here, asshole!" He spares me a single glance, but it doesn't work for long. I throw a rock, but it misses him entirely and falls into the grave with the rest of the rubble. I try again, but my aim really is shit, so I resort to something else.

"Behold the power of..." I pull my phone out and search for the most annoying song I can think of. It blares out of the tinny speakers, pathetically quiet all things considered, but it's enough.

Magnus whirls on me, eyes glowing. "Turn that off."

"Welcome to the 21st century, Maggie! We got music everywhere!"

He lashes out, throwing a wave of ectoplasm at me. I dodge, barely managing to keep a hold on my phone as I circle him as fast as I can. "Any time now would be good!" I shout. I don't know where Josie and Lucy are anymore, but it doesn't matter. I just have to keep him distracted long enough for them to finish the invocation.

The song ends, and I press play again, ready to loop it for as long as necessary. My heart's hammering, and my lungs burn, but I don't have time to waver. Instead, I push through, drawing on as much strength as I can to keep circling Magnus, staying just out of reach and just ahead of his poorly-aimed attacks.

He scolds me and monologues as we go, telling me I'm stupid and useless and kids these days, but it doesn't matter.  I can outlast him. I have to.

And, sure enough, a few minutes later, his rambling stops. I let myself slow to a walk, ready to sprint away again in a second if I have to, but there's no need. He's bent double, apparently having the world's worst stomach ache as the ghostly body around his bones starts to waver and deform. Blobs of light pull away and break off, pieces of him coming apart one by one, until there's nothing left but bones.

With the glowing power gone, there's nothing left to hold Magnus' corporeal body together. The skeleton falls apart piece by piece, nothing but a crumpled heap on the ground. What I can only describe as ghost goo remains floating above the pile, waiting a moment before flying at me.

"Run!" I shout, but we don't have a chance. It hits me in the chest, leaving me feeling sick and dizzy for a second, but it fails to do anything more. Instead, the ball of goo simply goes right through me, towards where Josie and Lucy have hidden. Josie's still got Renfield in her arms when the lights hit him and begin to melt into his fur. He wakes up with a start, yowling and hissing -- and then heaving. For a second, I'm terrified Magnus is possessing Renfield again, but it doesn't last long.

The light centers into a single point in Renfield's chest, and he hops down from my arms. Slowly, it rises up his throat, and with the familiar hacking that comes with a hairball-prone cat, he vomits up what looks like a glowing glob of goop that slithers over, slug-like, to the urn.

I feel my mouth twist into a scowl of disgust. "Is that...?"

Lucy nods. "That's Sunthorpe's soul. Or, rather...what's left of him."

"Do we banish him? Sweep it up?"

She shakes her head, and looks to Josie. "You're the expert on this sort of thing."

We watch for a second, scowling in disgust as Magnus' soul slorps into the urn. It takes all my will not to go kick the damn thing, if only because I'm afraid that touching it might fuck something up.It doesn't make me feel less angry, but I'm doing better at the whole thinking-before-I act thing.

Plus I'm exhausted, so. "Now what?" I want to go to bed, but I don't think that's going to be in my immediate future.

"We should get Renfield checked out again," Josie says. "Just in case."

"Poor thing," Lucy agrees. "He's been through a lot in so short a time."

I sigh. He didn't deserve to get mixed up in all of this. He was just a frightened old man with kitty Alzheimer's and kitty arthritis and kitty asthma and... well, now, he deserved a trip to a kitty spa, or something. But I can't just leave. One look at the mess around us makes it clear that won't be happening any time soon. I don't have solid proof that Mr. Ngo would blame me for whatever is happening here, but I don't want to risk it after my behavior the past few days.

Helplessly, I turn to Josie. "I'm sorry, but..."

"I got it." She puts a hand on my arm. "Am I still your emergency contact at the vet?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

She nods, and squeezes my arm. "You both owe me an interview later." She points first at me, then at Lucy -- who starts. "I can see you now, Mrs. Blue, and I intend to make the most of it." Before heading off into the night, Josie whispers a quick, "She's really hot," into my ear. I don't get a chance to respond before she slips away. I don't let myself dwell on it for long before getting to work. There's a lot that needs cleaning up before Mr. Ngo shows up today, and I don't want to risk being caught out here in the rubble.

My first target is Magnus's skeleton, gathering his bones and funeral suit up in a sloppy pile and dumping it into the coffin lying in pieces at the bottom of the hole. As soon as they land, a twinge of regret has me thinking I should have been a bit more ceremonious about the whole thing. But what's done is done, and I tell myself I did more than enough by not spitting on him again, especially now that my lip isn't bleeding. Fucker.

I'm nicer to the urn, at least. I don't want to risk it breaking and releasing him back into the world.

Lucy waits at the grave while I sprint to retrieve a shovel and work gloves from the shed. When I return, she says "I feel it would be appropriate to say a few words." Before I can blanch in terror, she rushes to add, "I'll take care of it. You take care of him."

I nod, and begin to fill the grave as she gives her eulogy.

"Here we lay to rest Magnus Sunthorpe -- again -- and, hopefully, this time for good. In life, he was a steadfast man who knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to get it. He was much the same in death. [She gives a two-sided pointed eulogy.]"

"Good?"

"Good."

She stays off to the side, watching as I move the dirt. I even catch her ogling a few times, gaze shamelessly trailing down my gross, sweaty bare arms and my sexy muscles.

I totally don't flex. But, if I had, it would have been extremely subtle and suave and not obvious at all.

"You okay?" Lucy says, in the minutes before dawn.

I hesitate. Then, "I will be. I think. Things will be better after this."

"Come back at sunset, all right? Let me know how the little boy is doing."

"Yeah. Okay."

"Okay." She gives me a weary smile, and wanders off into the shadows to fade into nonexistence until night. Now all that's left is to review the work. It's not exactly pretty. Even if I've done what I can, it's all too clear that the dirt's been freshly dug. My job is in enough jeopardy as it is, and I don't want Mr. Ngo thinking I was one who dug it up and destroyed the coffin and skeleton, even if the dead guy totally deserved it.

So instead, I don my thickest gloves, and wander around the overgrowth. There are hundreds of people here, names lost to time, with nobody left to mourn. I spend the day at war with the wildflowers. By noon, I'm covered in sweat, and I've scraped both my knees and tried not to think about any potential consequences that might arise from accidental blood sacrifices to the dead. But the scrapes, the blisters, and the aching back are worth it. I've made a rudimentary walking path to each grave and cut roses to lay at the head of each grave.

"I know it's not much," I say each time, "but I hope it helps you have a nice day."

Next, I retrieve Ruby's spell book and find one of the tour guides -- Aiden, a young kid who still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. I ask him to see if he can find a list of everyone who's been buried here. I promise to pay him under the table, since anything on the books would be wildly expensive with overtime.

"It'll likely be in basement level two at the library. If the librarian's there, don't make any Star Wars puns or anything. Just ask her for what you need. Oh-- and give her this." I hand over the spell book. "Don't open it. Just tell her Kaz says thank you for the help, and that I owe her my life. Literally." I hope that mentioning my name doesn't put him on Ruby's bad side immediately. For a moment, I think she might like me after yesterday, but I don't want to push my luck with someone like her.

Aiden gives me a salute and heads off to his secret mission. I look and feel half dead, but dutifully take his place as a tour guide to a group of costumed visitors, talking them through the history of Sutton Cemetery and its purported ghosts.

I'm standing by the old tree -- by Lucy's grave, I now realize, and pause for a moment, my face growing warm. I know she can't manifest during the day, but it's hard not to almost expect her to leap out from behind the tree in an attempt to spook me.

And then something rustles.

I frown, and turn back to the group. "One second, please." Abandoning them on the walking path, I step carefully over to the tree. Footprints lead around the grave, crushed leaves and flattened grass painting a clear picture of someone's trail through the graveyard.

A low groan emanates from the other side of the trunk.

Jesus fuck, I think. If zombies are real, I'm going to sacrifice to the horde just to get it over with.

It gets louder as I approach the tree, and more frenzied. More hungry.

"Hello...?" I say.

The zombie leaps out at me with a snarl -- and comes up short as I fall back, cursing and swearing. It's silhouette looms over me, blotting out the sun, viscera dripping from its limbs.

It bends low over me, and tilts its head. "Kaz," Mr. Ngo says. "I'm very disappointed in you for stealing my costume idea."

I have no words.

Mr. Ngo helps me up, giving me a long and disapproving once over. He's clearly spent hours on his costume, with fake wounds, an eye bulging from the socket, green and grey mottled skin visible through bloody, tattered clothes.

It's a fair assessment on his end. I'm covered in dirt, sweat, and band-aids, and my clothes are only mildly less disgusting. With a heroic amount of restraint, I avoid going into detail, and answer,  "I had a personal project to take care of."

He looks distinctly unimpressed.

"In the historical quarter. Wanna me to show you?" I think I'd rather melt into my shoes.

Still, he raises a brow, and nods. "Excuse me," he says over my shoulder. The crowd of tour-guests aren't quite sure what to make of the zombie currently talking to them as if he was in charge here. "I'm afraid the tour has to be cancelled for now. See the front desk for refunds."

When they disperse, I look at him helplessly. "Mr. Ngo, I--"

"I don't want to hear it, Kaz. You've been causing trouble for weeks now. Is something going on outside of work I should know about? Is something wrong?"

"No -- well. It..." I fumble. "No, not anymore."

His look doesn't waver. I know I've fucked up royally from the first time I called the Haunted Archivists begging them to come back. I guess I should be more grateful he isn't firing me on  the spot, when showing up to work the way I do would count as a serious warning to anyone else.

"Let me...just show you." I gesture vaguely, and take him out towards the oldest part of the graveyard, shadowed by old growth trees and, until recently, overrun with tall grass and weeds. But now, you can see each headstone, scraped of all moss and lichen, weeds removed from the immediate area. I've got weeks worth of work left to make the whole area presentable, but it's easy to see how much work I've done in just one day.

Mr. Ngo doesn't want to look impressed, but I can see the corner of his mouth twitch under the latex and costume makeup. He has every right to be angry with me, but I know that, were the circumstances better, he'd be over the moon. In the end, however, he holds back from saying anything about it at all. "Go home, Kaz. I'll see you tomorrow."

I let out a breath. I still have my job. And, now that Magnus is dealt with, I won't be doing anything to put it in jeopardy ever again.

"Can I get you lunch or anything?" I ask. "The flesh of the living? Brains, maybe?"

"Don't forget to shower."

I don't have to be told a third time.

Tag List

@adaughterofathena

@ambreeskyewriting

@carnelianflames

@feather-dancer

@halfbloodlycan

@nadunacreates

@serenanymph

@vigilantdesert

[katana-zero]

TUMBLR USER GAMMANULLZERO I LOVE YOU

Hold on let me try to answer to all of your tags dkdmmfmmc I woke up this morning and it was the first thing I saw AAHHH

Also sorry english is not my first language so I might struggle with some sentences!! (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

I'M GLAD THAT THIS PIC CAPTURED HER WELL 🥹🥹🥹 I wanted to draw something chill because!!! Well!!! She is chill!!

TY I love when people like my coloring (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)

I LOVE YOUR MIND

I think actually he would feel trouble feeling anything. He'd probably regret killing kids if he ever done that (because of LG) but otherwise I think he wouldn't feel anything. At first I thought that he'd feel alive, since canonically he feels alive only when taking someone else's life, but I'm not sure he'd feel anything just watching the record.

Or he'd feel the stinging feeling of regret, if church monologue is actually his (I have a theory that it's actually Fifteen's thoughts, but I'm not really sure so!! Just a fun thought) and he felt bad watching all those people cry.

Or he'd feel everything at once like one big complicated feeling (⁠*⁠﹏⁠*⁠;⁠) I don't know how to describe it.

THANK YOU!!! 🥹🥹🥹

I love SnowHunter SO MUCH my favourite lesbians. They have me in chokehold since I first thought about them I just. Need more of them in my life.

I think Snow uses something similar to chronos! Like that green thing Psych used in boss fight. He mentioned that the government created more than just one drug for war, so it's safe to assume that she will most likely use something similar. Or it might be something that organization Snow works for created, since they somehow recreated chronos. I hope we'll see what she uses in the dlc 🙏

I LOVE USING RED THANK YOU SM

🥹 jsjxjjsk Zero and Fifteen cuddling Leviathan and Behemoth... The eepies

Fifteen stop being mad just hug a biblical creation bro chill out

:3 I love drawing Zero with a scruff, I'm glad someone else likes it too!

Fifteen katana zero I need you Fifteen katana zero

AHHH I'M SO HAPPY YOU NOTICED THE EFFECT!! I like drawing it on my artworks with nulls because it shows how their time is running out yk yk (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ mentally ill guys

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR ALL THE FEEDBACK I LOVE YOUUU AGHHHHHH

YAYYYYYY IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE ALL OF THESE!!! I GOT A FEW THINGS TO SAY BACK

ykw ykw. i think he'd feel so much about everything that he'd just go numb. his normal blank expression on his face but somehow even more unreadable than normal. idk if he'd be able to feel anything after that. him feeling "alive" while killing is just him feeling like he's actually having an effect on the world around him yk? that's how he was raised, a child soldier. but losing your memories of that and then running with the mindset that only the lives of criminals and corrupt police deserve less value only to see yourself killing children? beings that physically cannot have less value because they have so much more life ahead of them? brooooo brooooooooo he's done for he's donneeee. I really like the theory that the monologue is from fif instead of zero too- and it makes sense! fifteen has such strong connections to his past that of course he'd have such strong thoughts about what it was like. zero for sure could say it himself but he's so warped about whats real and not that i dont think he could form that strong of an opinion (and if it IS his thoughts then its just what psych planted in his head)

SPEAKING OF PSYCH im pretty sure the green mega chronos or whatever the psych uses was confirmed to be not actually canon and (speculation from here) just a hallucination from zero's end considering the path to getting that boss is just by pissing him off. BUT but but i do think her amping herself up on the fake chronos that the company is making is soooo real. i hope we see in the dlc god ugh. either way i definitely gotta draw some snowhunter myself since i havent stopped thinking about it.

anyway YEAHHHHH RUNNING OUT OF TIMEEEEEEE. i loveeee how subtle it is in your art but also directly staring you in the face. youre soooo good at it !!!!!

[lgcmilan]

YEAR END 2023 REVIEW POST TYPE: SOLO

i whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet. i threw myself into a volcano, i drank the blood and drank the wine, i sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God. I crossed myself in thought, i saw the devil, i grew thickened skin on my feet, i bathed in bleach

as pleasant of manager shinhye is, milan has never felt as uncomfortable in her life. the issue isn't shinhye, but herself and the dissonnance between what her head tells her and how she feels. logically, she knows that she should be proud, grateful and joyful from all the blessings and opportunities she's received this year. yet, all she feels is sadness. and that annoys her to no end. as she bites on her lower lip nervously, she mentally chastises herself for how ungrateful she's being, but still, her feelings do not change and her mood only worsens

what were some of your greatest accomplishments this year and out of all of them, which one was the most memorable one for you?

"i've really been blessed this year when it comes to opportunities and accomplishments" she begins. yes, she's aware, she has a list in her mind and its stellar. but since the heart isn't in it, her words taste like ash in her mouth. truth in mind only. "everything i have done with nova has been an accomplishment; from making it to the group, to debuting, to participating in the comapany concert, being part of a unit with fabula, all the awards and wins we've had... but if i have to pick one, it would be of course nova's debut. everything else is also tied to this. so the debut is definitely central to my accomplishment and a memory i'll never forget."

what area(s) do you think you’ve personally improved on since the beginning of this year? [please list out the skill(s) and reason(s) why]

"oof" milan cannot help but exclaim at the question, her eyes widening a little, eyebrows shooting up. "perhaps in singing and dancing...?" she cannot help the questioning intonation at the end. uncertainty. the rookie idol knows she tried, still, she's keenly aware that she's still lacking and suspects she'll always be nova's weakest link. "or at least, i tried to improve in these areas the most" she ends up saying with a small chuckle.

what are some of your personal goals for 2024?

even if her 'go with the flow' nature has bitten her in the ass this year, in truth, milan hasn't changed much when it comes to planning ahead. which makes this the question she has to think about the most. "i... i wouldn't really call that a personal goal, since it's nothing really specific... you asked earlier what i've improved on this year and even if i think i have grown as a singer and performer, i feel that i'm still lacking and trailling behind the other members. so this year, i just want to bridge the gap between them and i further"

in the group, what do you consider your biggest weakness and what can you do to improve on it?

she smiles faintly at the question, knowing that shinhye likely has a list of questions she needs to get through. "i think it's obvious that i struggle the most with my performance skills. i had the shortest training period and didn't sing or dance prior to joining legacy, so i've always been catching up to someone or another as a trainee. rarely anybody ever needed to catch up to me..." she explains. "being on stage in front of fans and having many opportunities to perform has really helped me grow faster than before, but it's still not enough. i want to spend more time training on my own to improve, especially in singing and dancing.

aside from the role attached to you (eg. main vocalist, lead dancer, etc.) what else do you think you contribute to the group?

"i like to believe that i have a some wits and a fun personality. through these, i can contribute to the group the most during variety shows." she says, for once confident in her answer. "i really don't care about making a fool of myself. since we mostly do content with our own staff or go on shows to promote ourselves, i know the staff will likely edit the content for only our best sides and funniest moments to be shown. so i just try my hardest to be entertaining and trust that they know their work."

as a group, what do you hope to accomplish in the next year or two?

once again, a question about the future. the pause isn't as long this time. "i'd love for us to go on a solo world tour! perform in huge arenas and meet fans from all over! it would be great to have a lightstick by then, to witness fan seas in our color." it's the first time today that she smiles enough for her teeth to show. "i know we aren't at the stage of being able to fill arenas yet, so first, we need to grow in popularity. so yeah," she raises a hand to list off the accomplishment she just thought about "get a lightstick, oh! i forgot; have a fandom name" she quickly adds in, "become more popular, go on an arena world tour." is that too ambitious? it is for the next year or two. two years should be enough to get there, no? who knows, she isn't best at planning things so far in the future.

[wordsonamission]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks so much for tagging me in this, @acetonitril! Sorry for the delay, but I wanted to really think out my answers.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12 currently! This is my first year actually posting fics and I'm happy with my progress.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

118,159! There's a chance I'll get another fic finished soon, too . . . And maybe I'll be able to sneak in something short and smutty before the end of the year.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

All I've published is Top Gun. I'm not going to be surprised if I end up writing soapghost for the COD games. Y'all have some superb writers and artists that keep drawing me in. Historically, I started some small 00Q and Destiel stuff back in ye olde golden days. There's a dramione fic from on my old computer from years back that was like 30k before I stopped.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Kissed By The Sun

Falling Into Place

A Safe Place to Land

Running on Empty

Spare

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! If someone was kind enough to make the effort to leave a comment, I want to make sure that they know I saw it and that I appreciate them for letting me know what they think. I don't generally reply the same day, but I try to reply within a couple of days. I love hearing what readers think and I hope that me engaging back only encourages more comments

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm I have a couple. Mission Report is a whole pile of angst just as a concept. It's short and sad all the way through imo. Spare ends on a really big cliffhanger which can be read as sad; a character is left in a really fragile medical state. Snow Day is so sweet but then the end is just a gut-punch. You could say that I like to temper fluff and steamy stuff with sadness and angst.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

If the ending isn't sad, it's usually pretty happy. Or at least hopeful. I think I'll give happiest ending award to A Cookie Conundrum. It's so silly and light, no angst.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

None that I've ever seen. But I'm still new and I write safe fics as far as subject and pairings.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah lol. I'm still getting used to writing it. What kind? Pretty standard MLM fic smut. I'd like to write harder edged stuff in the future, but right now it tends to be really loving stuff.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't. That's not something I'm super into as a reader or as a writer. Never say never - it'll only take the right combo to get me going I'm sure, but it hasn't happened yet.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I've seen. That is a worry of mine.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I'm still new and I don't see that Top Gun has a lot of fics that get translated (I could be very wrong and missing out)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No I haven't.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

All time ever favorite? Yeesh. Uhhhhh I'll cop out and say that I enjoy a similar dynamic to my favorites - they're highly competent in their field but often less confidant about romance, there's a degree of imbalance in the relationship (rank, age gap, experience, etc), and I'm an absolute sucker for a character that doesn't let anyone else emotionally close who lets That Guy in.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't think I'm going to finish any of the old fic I mentioned, like from years ago. If I pick up those fandoms and pairings again, I'll start over.

16. What are your writing strengths?

God I don't know. I consider myself someone with a good grasp on grammar and how things Should be written as far as that goes (please go ahead and point out all of my mistakes, I know they're everywhere) which helps with readability. Comments repeatedly point out that even my smut is very tender and emotional. I tend to write characters affirming each other and being very giving lovers. I'm sure that says nothing about me as a person. I really like to dig into missing scenes to expand the emotional complexity of the canon story.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Knowing when and how to end a story. One of those writing posts that go around here mentioned going back a couple of paragraphs when you get stuck, which has been so true for me. But endings are still so hard. Writing sex is still weird, too, and I can get stuck on a single scene for days. Coming up with titles is also so, so hard. Occasionally one will appear and I'll run with it, but usually it's one of the last things done before I post. I'm really not happy with the titles for my Ace Week fics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Do you mean including characters speaking a different language and writing their dialogue in that language? A block of text in another language is rough on a reader and there's not really a good work around. Asterisks to the bottom of the page don't work on A03.

If I want a reader to know what a character is saying, I'd make note of the language change and use italics in dialogue but otherwise write normally. If the characters are in a situation where I DON'T want them or the reader to understand, then I'd type the language in italics.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I've written what I would now call fanfic off and on my whole life. When I was seven, I wrote a horribly indulgent self-insert fic of me joining the characters of one of my favorite book series (Pony Pals) for an adventure. In middle school, before the publication of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I wrote my own version. I think I filled like two notebooks. I wonder if it's still around somewhere - I had some good ideas, some that were better than canon ended up imo

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Running on Empty! I loved it as one chapter but I really enjoy the whole story as it turned out in three. The only big thing I might change is tweaking the emotions Maverick feels after he and Ice finally get together. But that story flowed so well while writing and I really loved the world that I created with their families and especially Lisa and Jason for Slider. Plus I feel like that fic really addresses some of the trauma that Maverick went through and how he wasn't getting the support he needed in the OG movie.

That went long! Thanks again to @acetonitril for tagging me in this. I'm sure everyone else has already chimed in, but feel free to jump in if not. These are some great questions!

[yourfaveisclasspected]

Ya know, everyone sending in fictional characters like Jerma985 and..... What about yours? What is Tumblr user Tacky's classpect and lunar sway

oh god. okay i knew this question was coming eventually. here's the thing- i can classpect others just fine, but when it comes to myself things get... messy. extensive ramblings under cut for those interested.

lunar sway is easy enough, though. i'm the most dersiest derse dreamer to ever dream on derse

EDIT: heads up, the image formatting seems to be broken- the post'll probably be pretty long if you click readmore. just a warning!

the thing with classpecting yourself vs classpecting other people is that, regarding yourself, you have a practically infinite amount of information to work with. i've noticed that a lot of people change their classpects over time, which makes sense; as we change and grow, we learn more about ourselves and our tendencies. for me, the issue is that i tend towards a lot more than 1 or 2 aspects, and that makes things complex.

at some point in time, i've considered an aspect for myself involving heart, mind, void, light, blood, breath, space, and time. on the extended zodiac quiz, i consistently get either light or life. on the classpect quiz, i got page of space???

x

x

^ here are the aspects that haunt me, organized by category.

of course, not all of these aspects are ones i personally agree with. i don't think under any circumstance i would be a life player, i don't have the vibes of a light player (despite my obsession with sburb dynamics), and while in a practical game of sburb i could see myself as a time or space player, i wouldn't be a space player if one was already present.

for time, breath, and mind, these connections are a bit weaker but still definitely ones i mull over a lot. especially time- breath and mind are there because i tend to shadow them a lot, but time exists there as another genuine, distinct possibility. it's not in the 3rd row because (a) thats not how image formatting works on tumblr and (b) those last 3 are. well.

these motherfuckers, man. if i had to pick my big 3, it'd be these.

void is the aspect of my patron troll, as well as how i feel i present outwardly. if someone else were to classpect me, i think they'd give me void, and that wouldn't be *wrong* necessarily.

blood is an aspect i feel linked to in a destructive sense- why i shadow breath. i've always had problems with bonds and relationships. my brain has never fully gotten them, but it continues to obsess over them regardless. i break blood, break bonds a lot. blood on my hands, blood i drew from others. i'm capable of leading, but i only tend to step up as a "last resort" type of thing- if someone else is already doing it, i stay back and keep my head down.

what the hell even is heart exactly? the leijons' version of heart involves shipping, a different type of bond and connection. i'm blind to that type of relationship; i'm aromantic and asexual. i don't "get it". if heart is the self, i have a fragmented understanding of that too, in multiple senses. dirk has a core self, and splinters. "i" am an illusion- the whole glass is broken, but we're gluing it back together and pretending it's one sole thing. a broken glass doesn't have a core piece to center itself around.

i present myself as a heart player on here, mostly because it makes sense; a heart player, analyzing others' hearts, their souls, and giving them a prescription, in a sense. a label. but i don't think i can force a label onto myself. yknow? even after cutting most of them away, there's still too many factors- an excess of void, a lack of bonds, a false identity.

heir of void.

prince of blood.

bard of heart.

there you go. go ahead and pick one! lord knows i can't LMAO

[troonwolf]

I found your blog going through the anti-endo tag (idk I get bored sometimes) and im sorry all this is going on. I hesitate to call myself a cult survivor because what I dealt with never felt severe enough to call it that and the “cult” word makes me flinch at times, but I do agree that the endo stuff that I’ve seen is atrocious and lines up with what you describe. I’m primarily anti-endo due to the whole “sysmed” concept and the harmful aspects of endos, before I ever found out I was a system.

When I did discover our system and they felt more comfortable explaining system stuff like that, one of our alters had came to the fore explaining their reasons for disliking them, which although we avoided endo spaces like the plague (anyone who calls a trauma survivor names like “sysmed” or god forbid, “traumascum”, is automatically horrifically awful), what we did read from accounts about people who were in endo spaces is horrific.

I don’t have much else to say tbh, just that I hope you have better days and nights ahead of you, whatever that means for you.

Thank you for putting in the effort to share this with me, anon. Especially since I know I do not come across as the most approachable person in the world when I'm stuck on frustration mode and questioning existence because someone annoyed me lol.

Your alter has such good instincts for immediately catching the red flags like that. Funnily enough back when we first got involved in all this (literally like a decade ago) although the discourse did exist in a lesser form, it hadn't become so vitriolic that people were being called "traumascum" and "sysmed". That part is honestly pretty recent. Back when I was on the endo side, we just called people "antis", which is like the generic moniker people on the internet use in general when they have discourse.

"Anti" is pretty neutral when compared to "sysmed" or "traumascum". What people don't realise is this is a purposeful manipulation tactic, so that people will associate this argument with trans people and transmeds. This in itself is literally a cult tactic and the only reason people don't want to call it what it is, is because it makes them uncomfortable. Not because it's not applicable. They think what they're doing is for good and justified reasons, but it's still toxic.

And it's not one or two or a few endos using this term. It's almost all of them. They will fight tooth and nail for the "permission" (for lack of a better word, sorry lol) to call anti-endos, who are often trans themselves and often have negative experiences with transmeds, the "system equivalent of transmed". They don't care if it's triggering or if it comes across as transphobic or ableist, what matters is it has the impact they want it to have.

The community has actively gotten worse and more extreme tbh.

The rest under the cut because it involves some details on my own trauma and I don't want people to accidentally skim and get triggered. Tw doomsday cult experiences.

When we first got involved with the endo community, we were literally fresh out of a doomsday cult. We were in it because of our mother, and it was the sort of thing that started off small and innocent seeming in early childhood, but became more extreme and dangerous as years passed.

I'm not going to get into too much detail, but eventually we were in a scenario where the cult had relocated to an isolated area in the middle of the mountains. The conditions were very bad. The things that happened there were very bad. It had already been bad but this was like, "oh someone is gonna fucking die" bad. (Someone almost did die eventually, because of the refusal to take them to the hospital. It turned into the sort of thing where it's considered a miracle they're still alive. Their sickness had become almost terminal due to neglect.)

Anyway, when we finally were able to escape, we didn't leave because we stopped believing the world was gonna end. We 100% still believed the world was gonna end. We just decided we would rather go down from the mountain, re-enter civilisation, and die there with the rest of society instead of being stuck on that compound.

We didn't tell anyone this though. Honestly we struggled for years to understand what happened to us and name it what it is. At the time, our mindset was that we were just going to live life in visible normalcy, and not mention to anyone the world was ending. We did this again not because we didn't think it was true, but because we wanted to spare everyone the stress of Knowing like we did.

It was during this period of being escaped from the cult but still not having shed our programming, that we found the soulbonding community. We had already worked out we were a system, but not really the specifics. And our prior history of being in a cult where medicine and psychiatry was rejected, and replaced with spirituality, crazy natural remedies, etc, meant some of us were very hesitant about the idea of DID or any other disorder.

There's a certain alter in here who is the most programmed out of the rest of us, and it was him who immediately became attached to the notion of soulbonding. At first he didn't really care TOO much about it, but constantly having it drilled into him that "soulbonds" (and then "endogenics", when that term was coined) were "real people from other dimensions" and that "DID alters are just symptoms", appealed to the same fantasy-based programming that had already been coded into him. Us being naive, we didn't do anything to stop him at first. It was only when we'd finally begun to detangle our cult programming and trauma, that we were also able to detangle the terrible mindset that he'd been influenced to adopt.

And as I mentioned in my other post, it really did negatively impact him and the system in many ways. After seeing what he/we went through, there's no way anyone can convince me endogenic beliefs aren't inherently damaging and cultish. Any belief that rejects medicine and tries to replace it with some woo-woo shit that has no basis in known science or known reality, is damaging and cultish.

This is what I'm trying to explain to people, but no one is reading what I actually said lol. If you are raised in certain kinds of environments, even environments that aren't as extreme as the one I outlined, you can be prone to fantastical thinking and toxic spiritual programming, which is the same kind seen in endo spaces.

Meaning that, you may have DID, but like my alter here, you are unable to unpack that, and when you come across an ideology that feels more comforting than the truth, it's easy for prior programming to sway you towards that ideology. If you have already been programmed, you can be programmed again very easily if you're not aware of your own programming and how to overcome it.

People think me calling them a cult means I'm calling them all malicious abusers, when the only people acting like that's what a cult is, are the people vaguing and attacking me. I genuinely feel like all I've done is try to raise awareness on something obvious, for the benefit of survivors of spiritual abuse inside and outside the endo community, but because of a petty little word choice like "cult", no one will even read what I said to hear where I'm coming from.

People have also tried to use the existence of cult survivors in the endo community as a way to dismiss me, But That's Literally What I'm Saying! Of course there are cult survivors in the endo community! WE were a cult survivor in the endo community! Endo beliefs appeal very strongly to certain kinds of cult programming, that's literally what I'm trying to say my mans!

And no matter how well-meaning someone is or believes themselves to be, that programming is still unhealthy. They don't understand that, because of their programming, and that programming causes harm to others due to the spread of the ideology. That person is still a victim of programming, and their programming causes them to unwittingly create more victims. That's how cults WORK.

All this nuance can indeed exist at once, and everyone would know that's what I'm saying if they actually read my posts.