#and gets paid 120k a year

[bisexualalienss]

why can’t i have a bullshit gen x job where i work from home and send 5 emails a day and type some things into excel and get paid like 90k a year

[cicaklah]

get ready for my thoughts on yaoi UBI

So I’ve kvetched about UBI in the tags for long enough someone finally asked me what I was going on about so here we go! 

I will start with some caveats: 

I am British, and so I can only speak about the British specifics.

I have for the past twelve years worked as a professional health economist, and health economics is based on social welfare theory (specifically growing out of Arrow’s work in the 1960s and Sen’s work in the 80s/90s). I literally could talk forever about this, but I won’t. If you want to know more, read the pretty good wikipedia article on welfare economics.

But fundamental to welfare economics is two things: if we make a great big change, do the benefits outweigh the costs? And does the change make a fundamental change for good? (aka cost-benefit analysis and pareto efficiency).

The other thing you need to know about me is that I don’t like activists very much, because they never have to show their working, and my entire professional life is showing my working, and critiquing other people’s working. We all have ideas mate, show me the plan! I love a plan! and this isn't coming from anything but personal experience; I have been to talks by UBI activists before, including ones by economists, but I have never had the case made to me that UBI would be either cost-beneficial OR approach pareto efficient. In fact, it usually reminds me of arguments that are based on some other imaginary world, and then I get so annoyed I want to scream. 

In the early 2010s when I was first starting working as an economist, I was asked to build a model to see whether switching a disability benefit from government administered to individual administration would be cost-effective. Essentially, if you were newly in a wheelchair and you needed a ramp building up to your house, would it be better for the government to organise a contractor, or for you to be given a cash transfer and organise it yourself? The answer was that it wasn’t, but anyone who has ever had to hire a builder could have told you that, and the government didn’t have to pay my firm £30,000 to make that decision. But that is what UBI essentially is; a cash transfer where you get cash and the government gets to enjoy less responsibility.

There are 37.5 million people of working age in England. (Nearly) every single working person gets what's called a tax free allowance, where the government doesn’t claim income tax on the first £12,570. (Once you make over £120k, your allowance starts to decrease, and you lose it entirely at I think £150k)

Let’s assume that instead of just not claiming tax on this amount, the government switched to making that £12,570 your UBI. That is £471,375,000,000 just for England - just under half a trillion pounds. In cash, or nearest as in our modern economy. And not one off - Every year. 

Okay, let's say that the country does have a spare half a trillion a year (in cash) lying around. What is the benefit to switching from tax free allowance to UBI? Well, let's assume that no one stops working, so there would be the tax receipts from the 20% income tax on the £12,570, and that’s just a shade under £100 million. Not bad.

But if you’ve seen a UBI post, you will know that people like the idea because they will be able to work less. Which probably means that UBI will need to be paid for in some other way. Perhaps by cutting existing benefits. The universal credit cost is around £100 billion. So we’re still £300 billion short, and honestly, you wouldn’t cut all of universal credit anyway, probably only the unemployment benefits, but I’m not digging into the maths on that tonight. 

But, look, I am sympathetic. I am a welfarist. I genuinely believe that the economy is not just money, that welfare is happiness, it is utility, it is all the stuff that makes life worth living, and it is the responsibility of the government to maximise the welfare/happiness/utility/quality of life of the country through efficient use of taxation and other sources of money. So people give the government money and it spends it on goods and services and then people get utility, and then they spend their own money to get more utility, and ultimately we can gain intangible things that are incredibly valuable. 

But the problem is that cash is cash, cold and hard and very real. I don’t know how unlimited spare time translates into half a trillion real pound coins. I wouldn’t know how to build a model that complex and uncertain, especially as this all assumes that you can live on 12k a year, and that whatever replaces progressive taxation is equally progressive. I haven’t even touched on how having a convoluted welfare state insures it somewhat against being entirely destroyed after a change in political opinions, aka what I call the daily mail test. You think the narrative about people on welfare is bad now? But also, how would you deal with people who didn’t manage their UBI money well? What happens if there is a personal crisis?

The more I look at it, the more the existing system is actually remarkably good value for money. Individualism is expensive. Collective decision making and spending is just cheaper. 

Ultimately I don’t see the additional benefit of UBI, requiring a pie in the sky change, when it is far, far, far more cost effective to strengthen the existing regime across the board; taxation law, social safety net, childcare, working laws, education and health - all systems that are already in place, and have a thousand times higher likelihood to be pareto optimal and cost effective than trying to find half a trillion pounds of cash round the back of the sofa, while torching 150 years of progress so middle class people can write their book without having to have a job. If I was conspiracy minded I would say that UBI feels like a psy-op, trying to shut down old fashioned progress in favour of ripping it all out and starting again.

Ultimately, that is my real annoyance. It is far, far, far cheaper for the government to provide you with your new ramp for your house, and that is done through politics, but not fun moonshot politics, the hard shit that isn’t sexy.

[paperstorm]

Okay, this is a follow up to my other ask, but there is something I don’t think, as a fandom, we talk about much, but there is such a weird and incredibly incongruous image of wealth that is constant throughout lone star that makes me a little uncomfortable — it’s in the minimalist, high end design of the fire house, it’s in the house Owen owns, it’s in Carlos’ original condo, and again in the tarloft (although much less than some of the other displays); many of the other settings for other characters is much less ostentatious, like Tommy’s house, Paul’s apartment, or Mateo’s original living situation, but they’re still a bit confusing at first sight, and it’s not something I fully remember the original 911 having in it either. It’s a small criticism, but it is something that’s been itching at me since the beginning of lone star, and seeing that we’re almost at the end, well, especially since they’re writing about people doing jobs that are *infamously* underfunded, underpaid, and underinsured (excluding the cops ofc), it would’ve been fantastic amazing if lone star hadn’t also pushed the Hollywood/mainstream standard of upper-upper middle class living in their set designs, or acknowledged these issues a little more. (also I don’t know if they’ve announced whether enzo is Jewish or not but I’m kinda actually really worried they’re going to lean further into the rich Jewish stereotype they didn’t really shake with Gwyn I dunno just some worries I have about literally everything skdjrhdididjdjd this show stresses me out when they like sneak peek their potential choices)

Oh interesting, I can’t say this is a critique Ive ever seen before. I hope you don’t mind me disagreeing but I googled how much money these people would be making because I know in Canada firefighters are paid very well (hooray for unions) but I didn’t know about the states, but tbh having looked at their salaries based on the Austin FD website I think the sets where they live are actually pretty realistic. Firefighters *start* at almost 60k a year, in their first year. They get significant raises every year, someone like Paul who has been doing this for at least 10 years if not more would be making in the neighbourhood of 90k a year, that is comfortably middle class and actually makes his small apartment seem unrealistic to me in the other direction, I feel like he could be easily affording a two or three bedroom house on that salary. Fire Captains like Owen make over 120k. I know they kind of have the vibe of rough and exploited blue collar workers but firefighter is a GOOD job. Paramedics do make less (iris was right about that) but still in the 60k-70k range which is more than I make tbh and I own an apartment style condo that looks similar in size to the Tarloft (obviously cost of living in Austin is more than where I live but they have Carlos’s salary too which would definitely be higher than TKs). None of these people would be like fabulously wealthy they are not multi millionaires, but they are certainly not earning poverty wages. These are well paying union jobs, none of them would be poor unless they have some massive expenses we don’t know about.

And my assumption just based on his name is that Enzo is not Jewish but we don’t know that yet! Hopefully they don’t lean into stereotypes with him but we have to wait and see. The car is a bit much lol (how do you even get a toddler car seat in a vehicle like that) but I’m assuming it’s part of his personality that we don’t know yet because we haven’t met him

[greaseonmymouth]

tagging games

hokay so I've been tagged in a bunch of these over the past few months weeks, by different people, so let's have some memetic fun

1. fanfic writer's bingo

I was tagged by @mslanna !

well, i did get one bingo! I have never commissioned fanart but I have received it. i debated whether to tick off that last square - 'wants to be a professional writer some day' because eh, i could take that or leave it? i do write original fiction and i have at times dreamt about getting it published, but also, i don't actually care. i write because i enjoy writing and getting paid for it i think is highly likely to make me hate it, so.

2. get to know you better game

I was tagged by @love-lays-bleeding !

get to know you better game! answer the questions and tag 9 people you want to know better.

last song i listened to: Danser Med Drenge - Alt for at beholde dig. it's on my Carl x Assad playlist but also Danser Med Drenge are just genuinely enjoyable in general

currently watching: 9-1-1, Grey's Anatomy, and Station 19. clawing at my face waiting for new episodes for all three shows. aside from that, nothing really, though I think I'll watch Dead Boy Detectives when it drops

currently obsessed with: 9-1-1, Afdeling Q.

3. nine people to get to know better

I was tagged by @foxesonstilts ! some repeat questions, but we'll manage.

last song: TV-2 - De første kærester på månen. this is also on my Carl x Assad playlist which makes no fucking sense because this is a song about teenagers in love and first heartbreak HOWEVER it is a banger and when spotify queued it up after my playlist finished, I was like, you know what, I'll just put it on the list.

favourite colour: considering how many blue items i own it must be blue. honestly though i love a lot of colours and am also partial to green, yellow, orange, pink, red, purple

currently watching: see above

sweet/savoury/spicy: all of them? they each have their time and place but most of all they belong in my mouth

relationship status: single and not willing to mingle

current obsession: finding a pair of hiking boots/shoes. i had ordered a pair THREE WEEKS AGO but UPS lost my parcel so i finally got refunded today but i'm leaving on holiday in less than a week and i still need fucking hiking shoes and i'm losing my mind

last thing you searched: "outdoor sport store london"

4. 20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @palavapeite !

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 

117 on my main, but not all of them are fics and not all of the fics are written by me, or just me (some are fanbinding posts, some are fanart, some are collaborative works). including my other two accounts, we're talking 224 works in total.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

on my main, 867,037 words, but that includes about 120k not written by me.

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

currently: Afdeling Q, BBC Shetland. though for the latest yuletide I went back to Volstovic Cycle for a stint and i wrote my first ever Ocean's 11 fic after years and years of only reading.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

that's 4 Harry Potter fics plus one Avengers/Batman crossover I wrote in 2012 on a whim after seeing the Dark Knight Rises and which became unexpectedly popular for a bit. I still love that fic though:

How to become a superhero and gain a family (minus the picket fence) - 7k, Tony Stark & Bruce Wayne, Steve/Tony. 2,758 kudos

the HP fics are:

Don't Blame Me (It Was All a Blur Last Night) - H/D, 7,468 kudos I'll Tell You a Secret (Just Don't Tell) - H/D, 5,209 kudos Here Now, Gone Yesterday (or Back to the Future) - R/S, T/J, 3,078 kudos Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them (or Draco Malfoy's Guide to Stop Dying and Start Living Instead) - H/D, 2,607 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes, usually. I stopped responding to comments on my HP fic a while ago because I couldn't summon the energy to engage with them, and more recently I turned off all comments for HP fic so that I wouldn't have to bother at all. I'm glad people are still able to enjoy these fics, but I need some distance.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I've written some dark fic in the past and I think what comes closest is this old thing I wrote for HP nextgendarkfest back in like 2011, in which some of the nextgen characters (including Harry's sons) were criminals who staged their own murders to cover up a heist they did but it implies that Harry was on to them, nearly caught them in the act, and was devastated about it.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

almost all of them??? most of what I write has a happy ending because I want happy endings, damn it. if by happiest you mean 'least complicated' or 'unadulterated joyful' or something like that, then maybe...I don't know, god, I could name at least 50 fics like that just off the top of my head.

You know what, let's do the most recent one:

Et Afdeling Q Julemysterie - this is pure fluff and happy ending and it makes me smile like a fool in love, so.

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

not in a while - I used to get some nasty comments on this one old HP fic that had a nextgen teenage character working out his sexuality, and some people took offense at the character being asexual/not being asexual enough/turning out to not be asexual in the end. like, make up your mind about what the problem is at least? I also got nasty comments on another HP fic which featured aromantic polyamorous Harry in a V relationship with Ginny and Draco (and Ginny herself was in a V relationship with Harry and Blaise) for various reasons, including but not limited to people not understanding that one can in fact be both polyamorous and aromantic at one and the same time. by the time i posted the everybody is trans HP fic I was anticipating nasty comments so I turned comment moderation on for that fic.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes. in the past I would include it (and hate writing it) because I thought you had to, but these days I only write it when I feel like it. more often than not it's some kind of character moment rather than a horny thing, though I do usually try to approach the smut writing from the angle of 'what would this character enjoy about having sex with this other character? what are their focus points? what are they horny for? what are their coherence levels? what are their sensitivities? how well do they know their own body? their partner's body? how do they communicate? etc. etc.' you'd think that leads to some very unsexy smut writing but if i'm honest i think those bits of writing actually wound up being both the horniest writing i've ever done AND the most true to character (according to my interpretation of the characters anyway).

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

a few - crossovers don't hold a lot of appeal for me in general, so when I've done crossovers there's usually been a 'what if?' spark that set if off.

aforementioned how to become a superhero fic, Avengers/Batman crossover, in which Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne are longtime friends.

it's pure filth that i hide (time for genocide) - Volstovic Cycle/Pacific Rim crossover (or possibly just fusion?). Volstovic Cycle characters pilot jaegers and fight kaijus, no pacrim characters appear.

Dragons - Volstovic Cycle/Harry Potter crossover (...or...fusion?) I can never remember the difference between crossovers and fusions. Harry Potter characters ride dragons á la Volstovic Cycle, no Volstovic Cycle characters appear.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! the full list of translations (and podfics) of my fics is here. I've had fics translated into Russian and German.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes. @palavapeite mentioned this but we co-wrote an absolute deranged behemoth of a 'social media' fic (really, it was a 'livejournal' fic, but same difference) back in like 2008/2009 and it was honest to god some of the best fun I've ever had writing something and also, it was a work of ART.

I have since participated in fests like big bangs and reverse big bangs where I've written or made art, which is not quite the same as co-writing. I once ran a collab fest where I co-created a comic with three friends, which we cowrote and each drew various bits for, which was a lot of fun. and! with @gkkri we co-wrote (and illustrated) a R/S fic (but really it was a Sirius & Regulus fic in R/S disguise) back in 2017 as our last hurrah to the Remus/Sirius fandom as we were both feeling like we hadn't anything left to say for this ship and let me tell you, that co-writing process was like a dream and I'm still really proud of what we made.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? 

I don't have one??? I'm a multifandom person, I enjoy a LOT of ships for various reasons and I don't think I have an all time favourite? some ships I cycle back to over time and some ships I never even write for, just read a shitton for. like I enjoy Steve/Tony still even though I haven't written any fic for them in over a decade? and I mean, despite my misgivings about JKR and general HP fatigue, I will never not love Remus/Sirius. and so on and so forth. the beauty of fandom is that there are so many great characters and dynamics out there to love

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

er, wellllllll there's this one Matt/Foggy wip languishing in my gdocs drive that I'm not convinced I will ever finish, but I really want to. I'll cycle back to it eventually probably. I also have this one Space AU for Caius/Al that I have officially abandoned, but I still think about it!! and yet!! that wip is probably approaching a decade old at this point. I don't know man.

I only have one active fanfic wip atm and that is my current Afdeling Q wip and I WILL finish it, I swear to everything that is beautiful in this world.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have a lot of strengths and I'm not too humble to admit it, but I think my number one strength these days is that I Do Not Care what other people think anymore, I will write whatever I damn well please, the way I want to. if other people like it: great! if they don't: okay!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

plot sjkdgkfljsgd especially of the crime solving variety. I will never ever be a crime fiction writer. I'm also not great with action-type of plots because....well, I like reading plotty stuff but when I'm writing? I don't care, I just care about my characters and their dynamics and arcs and development and I will hang it on the thinnest scaffolding possible I can get away with to make the story go.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

the kind of another-language-dialogue i see in fic most often seems to be weirdly pointless or out of character, just dropped in (usually by a monolingual English speaker) who thinks it adds flavour to the character, when really, that character has never once in canon slipped into their other language in dialogue. because, well, most multilingual people don't? speaking as a multilingual person I'm far more likely to say something like 'shit what is that called in English' than just say the word in Danish. i mean, tell me you don't understand codeswitching without telling me you don't understand codeswitching.

as a counterpoint to this actually i read a Buck/Eddie fic the other day where Eddie had lines in Spanish, and that I had no issue with because a) he speaks Spanish in the canon b) with his family 3) who also speak Spanish. in the fic he spoke Spanish with his family, who also had lines in Spanish. that author did kindly provide translations but tbh I didn't check the translations because the other thing about this fic was, it was clear from context what was being said without the translations because the dialogue followed canon-levels in this regard.

generally though, my preference would be for the tried and tested "A line of dialogue here," said character A, in Language. "The dialogue continues." it gets the point across.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

band RPF. before that I was writing fanfiction without knowing it was fanfiction or what fandom was, for stuff that Didn't End The Way I Wanted It To or similar. but first actual fandom writing? band RPF. it's backed up on a secondary ao3 account now, but this shit was first posted on forums and livejournal a billion years ago.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

listen. 224 fics written (that I know of, because the heavens only know what's been lost to the sands of time at this point) and you want me to pick ONE favourite? absolutely fucking not. also, recency bias is a thing.

i don't know man. let me pick at random:

Of Gilded Wallpaper and Meddling Dragons - Temeraire, 5,068 words

No Archive Warnings Apply, William Laurence/Tenzing Tharkay, William Laurence, Tenzing Tharkay, Temeraire, John Granby, Iskierka Augustine Little, Romance, Fluff and Humor, dragons being dragons, bisexual awakening, agony aunt!granby, an excessive amount of gilded wallpaper, laurence blames the weather for his being hot and bothered, Laurence POV, tharkay brings sexy back 

Summary: Laurence and Temeraire have been living with Tharkay for a scant two weeks when Laurence sends Granby a letter that essentially boils down to hi John how did you know you're gay also plz help I am in trouble.

5. animal crossing picrew

I was tagged by @dejlige-dage !

i have never played animal crossing but this was fun

i am tagging: YOU. if you've read this, you're tagged.

[captainimprobable]

nothing quite as humbling as having to work your ass off just to get a job that pays minimum wage. especially when retail jobs are at least ten times harder than most 9-5 office jobs. I've worked both. My first day at the 9-5 the day ended and I was like "thats it???? my body doesn't even hurt? i didnt get yelled at by a stranger today? i dont wanna die quite as much???" im not saying 9-5s arent hard but i fully genuinely believe that retail is more difficult than a 9-5. Without a doubt. it's INSANE that I'm going to be paid a lot less for doing A LOT more. You're telling me people work retail all day, break their backs and their spirits, and they still can't afford rent or food???????? I was mad about it before, but now that I've worked a 9-5 too I'm even angrier!!!!!!!! That 20 year old who works at Walmart for 15 an hour is doing harder AND much more important work than 50 year old Ira who does paperwork about nothing all day and gets paid 120k a year. Pls I beg make every single person in the world work retail for at least a year. then see if anything changes. bc i guarantee those old rich fucks wouldn't last a DAY at Trader Joe's. ("Oh oh but what they do in their offices is SO important"- funny. I didn't see them being considered "essential workers" and forced to work in person during 2020 and 2021. shut down all grocery stores and coffee shops for a day and see how many people lose their minds.)

[rainbowdaisy13]

Public Service Announcement!!

DO NOT attempt Performance Art if your execution of it goes like this: giving up your Pride speech; getting in business with organizations like the NFL or the Chiefs; platforming, cheering on harmful behavior and helping men like Travis succeed; promoting toxic heteronormativity by straight washing queer history; getting young people to love and adopt these behaviors; making yourself look like you have no problem with a dictator taking reigns of you country in an election year; hanging out all over people who support him; clean up PR for people who married on a plantation and lied about not knowing it was plantation; bullies; people who use the topic of domestic violence to promote hair products; staying silent on an article that shames your queer fans by picking up on flags that are part of their history, getting a friend to back that article for you (bonus: don't do that when you let slide your fans trashing your real partner for what they perceived, was similar behavior; the only good PR you owe is to your partner - I'm not a Kaylor or LSK, but thought to add that one in case you guys are right). Performance Art can go wrong if: you don't stop the game at the right time, if you do it in a year like this, if you drag it too long.

Comparing this to Joaquin Phoenix's 'I'm still here' performance art is a crime. In no way does Joaquin pretending to want to be a hip hop artist instead of an actor equate to this other monstrosity. If Taylor truly saw this and thought to make her own, but more tone deaf and with higher stakes, where the queer community (that stands to lose many rights next year) is used as pawn in her silly game without consenting, she's an ego maniac who should be paid no attention. If her team and her privileged rich queer friends thought this was a good idea, then she's surrounded by an out of touch army. She should reenact the other part of Reputation: go underground and self reflect. Get in touch with reality. But oh wait, she never actually disappeared for a year if you look at her footprint in 2017. It was an exaggerated ploy to give Reputation an edge. The only time she locked herself in, was when all of us did, during COVID.

Ok I haven’t seen the comparison to Joaquin’s performance art yet and that is WILD on so many levels 😆 It reminds me of the type of high end art dealers who successfully sold that fucking banana taped to the wall for over 120K…..like if you smugly think it’s cool or funny that you believe Taylor is spending millions of dollars making this many years long high brow artistic documentary about the trappings of fame while climate change rages, while we are at the beginning of of the 6th great mass extinction, while world leaders dismantle systems of protection and support for marginalized communities left and right, while potable water becomes more precious than gold, than all I can say is both you and Taylor need a fucking reality check. IF she’s doing that for herself in a fun tee hee aren’t I so clever way, shes legitimately the most out of touch human on the planet

Very The Emperors new clothes vibes

“Each sees that the looms are empty but pretends otherwise to avoid being thought a fool.

Finally, the weavers report that the emperor's suit is finished. They mime dressing him and he sets off in a procession before the whole city. The townsfolk uncomfortably go along with the pretense, not wanting to appear inept or stupid, until a child blurts out that the emperor is wearing nothing at all. The people then realize that everyone has been fooled. Although startled, the emperor continues the procession, walking more proudly than ever.”

[anewkindofme]

What were the sign that Owen and Gwyn saw that TK would be a Little? How much does Owen get paid since it seems like a lot of money with doing the grocery and housing also the Little stuff as well? Is Jonah and Enzo around or do they not exist? Did Gwyn give all of her inheritance to TK to help with the expenses? And does TK have a Build A Bear plushie?

thanks 🙏

Ask me for headcanons on characters from my fandom list!

I’ve answered the first one before! It’s established in canon that Owen has quite a bit of money. I don’t really think too hard on how much it is. Fire captains in NY make between 90-120k a year. Similarly, they make just 10k less in Austin a year, so adjust for COL and all that. Enzo existed but I don’t plan on having him in the fic. Jonah did not exist. Gwyn did leave her inheritance for TK.

He has a couple, but prefers PB, Spot and Cuppy.

[ligbi]

is anyone else in a field that feels like climbing up a falling ladder?

went to school for MIS (computer science but less programming more business) graduated 14. First job 15-18, another 19-20, and then 21-23. every time I job hunt I see positions that I had seen before but the amount they offer seems so much lower than they had offered? sysadmin seems like a position I could have sword was averaging 120k/year in 18, and now I'm seeing a listing for not even 60k.

I know every job is working their employees to the bone for as little as they can get away with while the world burns down but god you do everything right- go to school, go local to keep loans low, get a degree in something that can pay you instead of something you like- and you still get screwed

we need universal healthcare, ubi, and a fix to the housing crisis, as well as making all jobs 30hours 1.5x for any hours post that, and capping maximum pay (15x the lowest paid employee's salary is extremely generous. 30k for employees? You still get almost half a mil a year you greedy fucks)

[mcalhenwrites]

For what it's worth, I want to read your writing! lack of audience can really get to a writer but I feel sometimes one needs to be reminded of why they write? Are you writing for yourself or to please strangers, which I get is obviously important for motivation and as a professional worker but I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be too down about it. I appreciate your hard work and amazing stories.

For what it's worth, I want to read your writing! Thank you, anon, that means a lot to me!

I agree with "write for yourself", because you'll never please other people/have to select who you want to please, and that's never going to end well. You can't please everyone. I used to be in the Tales series fandom, and I'd have mixed feelings about some of the games that contradicted the way others felt. I liked some of the lesser known/older games for the same reasons people hated them. So as a creator, you have to think about what feels right to yourself. It's good advice, but I have seen it taken out of context. (For the record, I don't see that happening here, because you do clarify that it's harder when you're stepping into the profession. I'll get into that in a minute, if that's okay!)

That said, I think there needs to be a distinction between writing and sharing. Writing is a process for myself, but the career aspect is stressful and straining and honestly feels hopeless most days. I hate the idea that every single part of a story needs to be about the plot, because the formulaic ways of the publishing industry don't work for every story, every writer. I think the existence of fanfic is proof enough of that, actually! So many of us love fics that cover what might have happened behind the scenes or just… we'll read fifteen different stories of the same tropes for a single ship. And tbh, I think a lot of writers - including myself - really prefer to have more canon included than the publishing industry has room for.

I'm trying to find a middle balance, personally. I want to share! I'm an avid reader, and if no one had shared, what would I have read growing up? Plus the want of financial stability, which is pressure I sincerely despise. I'd happily share everything for free if I had $100k-$120k a year for the rest of my life so I could have my house, healthcare, 3-5 cats, garden, video games, and home library. xD

Sharing is actually pretty difficult for me. I barely showed anyone my work until I was in my mid-twenties. I started writing stories down at age seven. I'm now in my thirties. But sharing is something I want to do and it doesn't get easier after all this time of trying to spread my work. Past the perfectionism (I am definitely working on this and have already made improvements) and the history of bullying I've had over my writing (of which there's been a lot). Overcoming all of that is tough. Which means I feel a little extra sensitive to the idea that if something of mine isn't getting traction, it's confirmation of all the times someone mocked my writing or vaguetweeted by a BNF to make fun of fics I'd just posted. And while I'm starting to realize that some of that likely comes from jealousy - not necessarily that I'm a great writer that poses a threat, but just that my writing means that I might take attention from them in the fandom (which is not how that works) - it's still so hard to stop thinking, "What if they were right?" when I don't get any or very few likes/reblogs or kudos/comments, etc.

I have worked very hard to be a better writer, thinking I could escape that. Now I'm beginning to recognize that that hard work has paid off, but I was also never as bad as everyone made me feel (including myself). I want to keep working hard, because my standards for myself are high.

My writing makes me so happy, I can't describe how much. So even through all the pain above? I still do it. I just think that maybe there needs to be more separation between writing and the results of that ever reaching the public eye. (Most of my writing doesn't. I write a lot. XD)

Sorry to get a little real there. And so lengthy, ugh! I never can say things briefly.

Thank you for reading out, though, and thank you for reading my writing. There are more people reading my works than I know, but sometimes I fear that I'm the only one who will want what I'm making.

I've had IRL and health issues bringing me down too, which overlapped with stressing out over the editing of the next chapter of the story I've been posting. That chapter wasn't making me happy, so I'm taking a break, ignoring it a few days, and going back with fresh eyes later. So that all was knocking down my mood, and seeing only one person comment on the latest chapter, I was like, "Oh, maybe I'm just making a big old mess of this story"… perhaps because I see the mess in my head? Every possible path I threw out, every scene I want to write but won't fit in the story, every part I feel is lacking, every bit of character and world info, etc. Is that translating into something coherent on the page, I wonder, and… it's a lot to think about.

Sorry for TL;DR on this answer, and again: thank you. ;A;

[green-mountain-goose]

there's this thing i thought about in the shower; yes it's a half baked idea

where like, middle class kids know they're not being accurately compensated for their time via jobs, but also it is kinda funny how out of touch they are with the reality of jobs and how much they pay

and idk, it's partially not their fault, because yeah. people aren't being paid enough. but it is interesting to observe, and it's on a scale:

there was the time someone in my year, after a tech/softer engineering company visited and i think it said it started at 30k pa salary and then went up to 60k pa salary (all uk salary pre tax) within 5 years. and i remember said person in my year thought 60k was a starting salary for that kinda role. it was, kinda amusingly out of touch i guess, because the average salary in the uk is about idk, 34k.

and then there was the person going into science, who thought that 45k was too little of a salary to peak at, and she needed at least 120k. which.... idk, just science jobs don't pay that much generally, not even docs usually. so i guess she just wasn't aware of the industry pay, but knew 40k was too little i guess.

and then there was another person, who when she realised that teachers don't get paid much per hour, thought oh, why don't you just tutor and earn, idk 30 pounds an hour or something (again, pre tax). somehow she forgot private schools exist and public schools are meant to educate for free but actually pay the teachers proper wages as opposed to every teacher going private

and like, i don't mean to mock these people tbh, I'm sure when i was younger i made some weird assumptions, but idk, sometimes it's a weird mix of 'out-of-touch' and 'realises they're being exploited at least monetarily but middle class enough to be comfortable in the system where they are so they don't want any change and think capitalism is good' coming together. and we talked, after usually, and set right assumptions, but idk, it's weird how those arise in the first place.

[androgyny2018]

Post-revision and post-FFS

So my revision with Dr Shubham Gupta was about 2 months ago, and everything went well! I had about 15cm of depth after the revision and it's been holding steady at 12cm for the last 6 weeks or so. At first I was dilating twice a day, but I had to stop for 3 days while in the hospital for my FFS. I didn't have any loss of depth at that time, so I've gone down to dilating every other day, and it's still holding steady. I'm very happy with the results, though I hope I can get some more width through dilation to accommodate my partner for vaginal sex. I may also seek out a vulvoplasty next year or so for a more natural look; we'll see. The one thing I'm not happy about regarding the experience was paying the bill. The cost was about $120k, of which I've paid half and half is due in a few months. My insurer decided about 10 days before surgery that it wasn't medically necessary, and that they weren't going to reevaluate until after the surgery date, or else I'd have paid I think 20% of that amount -- less, probably, due to out-of-pocket maximums on my plan. I'm still talking with my lawyer and Dr Gupta's office about getting the appeal together so I can be reimbursed.

I also had the rest of my FFS about 2 weeks ago. Procedures included rhinoplasty, removing the Adam's apple, narrowing the chin/jaw, removing some fat from the chin/neck, and adding a small amount of fat to my cheeks. This was mostly covered by insurance but I did have to pay for some procedures that weren't considered medical necessary by my insurer. This was okay, because the amount came up to about 5-6% of what the vaginoplasty cost (sub-$10k). I'm pretty happy with the results, though they won't have their full effect for a few months when the swelling finally goes down. I did have to go on a liquid diet for 2 weeks due to swelling in my mouth and throat, but that's done with now.

Overall, I'm very relieved to have the surgeries over with. The only pressures left are getting a successful appeal through to my insurer, keeping up with dilation, and waiting for the swelling to go down on my face. I think these are all manageable, though.

I don't know what's next for my transition (and this blog) besides staying on HRT and the possible future vulvoplasty I mentioned. I might do voice training or vocal surgery. I still need to get my updated passport with an X marker (been delayed since I need new documentation with my new name and I live out of state from my birth location). My current state doesn't allow X markers on driver's licenses, and my birth state doesn't allow changing the marker on birth certificates, or else I'd do those too. I do plan on moving to a more progressive state within a year or so though, so I should at least be able to correct my new driver's license when I get there. That's all I can think of. The hard/expensive stuff is mostly done now, and that's a big relief.

[morgue-xiiv]

It is insane to me that my favourite youTuber has only 120k subs. A youtuber who, and I'm being completely objective here, puts out the best quality of videos in terms of the ammount of fucking work that goes into them, the frequency, length, the quality of the editing, the detail of the research, the music graphics writing etc. has 120k subscribers. If you look at the comments of his vids so many comment is "how come you don't have more subscribers?" the actual answer is not that complicated (niche topics, art style that only appeals to a minority of aesthetic preferences, humour that doesn't suit everyone, committment to patrons and personal style over popularity) but it's still insane..... he has 2,000 paid patreons. How often does someone have OVER 1% of their followers give them money? like? in many cases a LOT of money like his top tier is 25 bucks and he offers nothing extra for that tier he has it because people said "add another tier to your patreon we want to pay you more money".

People putting out videos with the same quality and scope of Grimbeard all either employ 3 people, only do 2 videos a year, have 1mil subs or all 3. Unironically the most common infraction that gets me banned from communities is talking about how much I love grimbeard so much I get

[ivie-online]

i think there’s elements of everything mentioned above, but also: there’s an inherent precarity to capitalism that is blatantly obvious to all who operate within it. capitalism’s growth mechanism isn’t an ancillary measure, it’s a core element that yes, leads businesses to require greater profits quarter over quarter, but it also does the same to individuals. part of the purpose of this is to ensure resiliency & mitigate risk.

so sure 200k sounds like a ton now, but what happens when the child grows up and the private school their parents dreamed of has, before accounting for inflation, jumped to 120k a year? sure the mortgage is paid off now, but with increasing climate catastrophes, what if they find they need a new house? even with decent insurance, illness has wiped out incredibly well stocked savings accounts. what if 30, 40 years from now, crops fail, or war comes? you might need millions just to be comfortable.

imagine it this way: the wealthy are very aware of how suddenly debt, homelessness, or true, desperate, poverty can occur. so with no social safety net, with no one standing by to offer a hand if things get rough, they turn to their money. the ‘temporarily embarrassed millionaire’ has a corollary: the temporarily accomplished beggar. the rich can’t afford to stop fighting to accumulate greater and greater wealth. as capitalism ceaselessly transforms our living earth into dead capital, staying several steps ahead of its gaping maw is their best option. and still, it’s never enough. under capitalism, they, and we, can all feel it.

Despite every moment of life being indescribably precious and a wondrous mystery, I will spend it caring about dividends and how many rental properties I have.

[allcnaprograms]

By Randy TravisReleased January 2, 2024 GRIFFIN, Ga. – Thousands of military veterans begin the brand-new year with an old concern: where will they discover the cash to return special needs advantages mistakenly paid to them throughout the years? The Veterans Administration stated 9,900 veterans must have been disqualified to get non-service associated special needs…

[turtlemagnum]

i think that if i were to be actually able to put together that game development studio i want, i'd just have it be completely over the internet, y'know. cheaper on me, and it's how i prefer to work, plus then i can hire people from all over the damn world, y'know. and honestly like, i feel like i'd need a fair amount of people in disparate timezones given my own erratic and mostly nocturnal sleep schedule. i also think i'd wanna like, have everything based off of a yearly salary and instead of based off of hours, it'd just be like, you always get paid a certain amount every weak no matter what.

this would only happen if i were to become obscenely rich, right? like, my first game becomes as popular as i could ever hope, and all of a sudden i have more money than i'd ever spend, y'know? i think i'd wanna pay my employees well, and also have them unionize. the payment plan i think i'd want would be like, 120k a year (i remember hearing a while back that 100k or so is around the point where you can stop worrying about money, and i think that that extra 20k would probably account for inflation and even if it comes up short, it's nice to have that extra money, y'know), and if you do the math that'd be 2.5k a week, or 10k a month, and i think that's more than enough to live off of imo. and on top of that, i think i'd wanna have yearly raises across the board that goes up with inflation, y'know. oh also i'd wanna give everyone literally the best health insurance i can buy, i'd want literally zero copay and i'd want everything covered. gender affirming care, vision and dental, elective surgeries, the whole 9 yards, ya feel me? and also i'd wanna just make it so that i'll cover whoever you want, i feel like if you care about somebody enough to want them on your health insurance, they matter enough to you for me to care too

all of this comes at the cost of that sometimes, i'd hire goons to just make programs that i personally want. like aside from the Core Games I Wanna Make, i also want like. i wanna hire goons that make emulators exactly how i want them, i have an idea for a messaging app that i think would be cool, i wanna do the overall design to ensure usability for video editing software, photo editing software, i wanna make something that'll put adobe out of fucking business y'know.

there's less so a point to all of this and moreso just idle musing for my desire to make the world a slightly better place and also get cool shit i want along the way, so eh

[perfect-jerry-blossom]

seeing all these companies falling all over themselves trying to get new employees with a $1000 sign on bonus instead of just actually raising wages is hilarious