#and gay men especially have permission fuck u

[barbatos-sama]

not twitter saying gay men aren't allowed to call women bitches even in the most light hearted context and calling it a misogynistic slur

[spannardnation]

the senator thing happened bc oscar was so down on himself feeling unlovable he took whatever he could get and accepted that was the most he was ever going to receive and god its so painful ESPECIALLY after he watched the same happen to andy and could identify it. like he could call out that andy was so positive abt her despite her being horrible to him but then it happens to him and hes so blind to it [which is accurate to how abuise happens irl tbh] and i dont hate the storyline HAPPENING so much as i hate that we never got a satisfying conclusion from it? we never got to see ocar grow fro it or decide hes worthy of love? i needed to see him sad and then i needed to see him give robert a piece of his fucking mind gfhdjkgfd it wasnt enough for me to have someone else be the only one to call him a piece of shit. i needed oscar to do it too gfdhjkgfd for selfish reasons i needed him to go sicko mode on him

and yeah male sa/sh is always a joke in media. like its so interesting [in a sickening way] how mens is ALWAYS a joke. womens is usually as a way to build character or victimise them meanwhile mens is like "haha isnt it FUNNY??? bc this DOESNT HAPPEN TO MEN AHAHAHAH" like ok but it does??? and its just as disgusting??? freaks. and i cant stand to hear fans or even the writers/actors be like "and that scene is so FUNNY bc ___" bc im like??? is it funny? does it amuse u that a gay man had a kiss forced on him by his boss in front of his coworkers? bc thats not where the comedy is? like u can have comedy AROUND the subject but thats never what they focus on its always "its funny bc he kisses him and its awkward"

him being all like "i wanted to be kim bassinger" like ok honey give birth to every trans!oscar hc in a single line absolute king shit.

oscars kim bassinger line 🤝 andys name trauma the cornerstones of every trans headcanon

like for me personally [even tho im Very Gender myself] i would def say it would be an AU for me and not my main hc but god it is a wonderful one. i love to *clenches fist* trans a gender of a blorbo. i hereby give permission and encourage u to look at every oscar i draw and see him as trans [this is a joke u dont need permission to do that im just saying i salute ur hc]

he is SUPER father figure to erin like ppl always point to michael being that but im sorry no she WANTS him to be that but oscar does it way better. like andys her best friend and oscars like a father/uncle sorry i dont make the rules. like ur source seems p reliable to me on this one mate absolutely

i need to talk to someone abt how oscar looks in my art i need to just DISCUSS how he looks and how i drew that

[transsexualbloodlust]

i keep seeing posts about how jackles isn't homophobic but it's actually weirder and i get that he isn't homophobic and he's just got weird stuff going on but i don't know what the weird stuff...is? sorry if this is the wrong place but i was hoping someone could explain it to me lol

oh FUCK yeah, my brain thrives off of explaining spn stuff, okay someone pls correct me if i’m wrong but let’s get into the LoreTM

Okay so Jackles is almost definitely not homophobic, he played a bi poly character for a while, i don’t remember the name of the show but it was pre spn so like it was 90’s/early 2000’s

anyway,

stuff starts getting weird since season 1, because like there’s no real explanation for his acting choices other than that he was actively making dean seem gayer. Like the scene where sam says that dean is “kind of butch,” dean is supposed to tell sam to fuck off, and instead we get this weird smile thing to suggest that he is, as sam says, overcompensating for something?? And then Cas comes in and it’s like he has insane amounts of chemistry with this man and Continues to actively make things gayer. like all of the face touches we saw?? a jackles jacting joices they usually weren’t in the script, like editors had to cut stuff out because jensen was making his scenes with cas too gay.

And all of this could definitely be like normal behavior BUT

He’s always been vocal about opposing Gay/Bi readings of deans, the most recent on being 2 0 1 8, like fucking 2018???? (that was the ?No. situation). I mean his distaste for bi dean is obviously to the point where they had to ask his permission for cas to be gay around dean and like it DOESNT MAKE SENSE. Why would he play dean as gayer and then not follow through???? why sow and not reap????

and the idea is that it probably comes down to a mixture of 2-3 things:

1) his first interaction with shipping involved death threats and wincesties generally being awful to him and his wife so i can definitely see that making u never want to discuss shipping ever again and a lot of bi/gay readings of dean involve destiel, this is the most likely offender. Especially since it became one of and eventually The biggest ship on the show

2) as u may know he is a dean kinnie, he’s shown (and talked about it) time and time again that he can’t really view dean from a third party perspective and only understands what dean understands, and fundamentally dean is probably not aware that he is bi and in love with cas, so jackles isn’t. I genuinly do think this one hold merit because that man needs therapy but it is on the insane side

3) i’m sorry for this but we have to mention rpf/s, essentially the theory is that jensen and misha r together and jackles got scared of people realizing either that he likes misha or that he likes men, i think there’s something to be said about cockles but i think it’s more likely that he accidentally played dean as bi and then got insecure about people finding out something about him because as I said, dean kinnie.

anyway the tldr is that it’s weird because he plays dean as bi in like very obvious ways but like refuses to acknowledge it because it hits too close to home wich is incredibly funny of him

[ghoste-catte]

multiples of 3 ✌🏼-sgmdrcklee

@sagemoderocklee you’re really trying to kill me lol

This got long as heck so I’m throwing it behind a cut. Read on for answers and fic recs! (Mostly the fic recs)

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

This is a tough one to answer for me generally because I tend to spit words onto the page and once I have written them I no longer remember writing them. And 2020 has stretched on so long that as I’m looking at some of the stuff I wrote in the beginning of this year, I hardly remember what’s even in it. I think at one point someone (@goblin-draws maybe?) mentioned a line in Sleeptalk with Me where the innkeeper calls Kankuro “chubby boy”, and I was like “Oh ... did I write that? Yeah, sounds like something I’d have someone say to Kankuro ...” 

It might be easier to talk about this in other terms. One of the scenes I worked the hardest on this year was the fight scene in Chapter 3 of Skeleton Key. The original draft of the scene was a lot shorter, and a lot of the backstory for Misaki’s revenge quest was elided. The scene as originally written was clunky, confusing, and as my lovely wife/beta put it sounded “like a Naruto villain” was doing the dialogue, when previously she’d found Misaki sinister and intriguing. Which wasn’t what I wanted. I basically entirely overhauled the scene and re-wrote it several times. I wouldn’t call it a ‘favorite’ scene (I hate writing fight scenes generally; having chosen to immerse myself in a fandom about ninja where much of the drama comes from battle is my eternal regret), but it is a scene that I put a lot of effort into, and I’m moderately satisfied with the improved product that resulted.  

6. least popular fic this year

By far my least popular fic by kudos ever is Pitch Perfect. Which makes complete sense to me. It’s a fic where I’ve written 2 characters who are men in canon as cis women, which pushes a lot of uncomfortable buttons for a lot of people. It contains F/F smut, which is something that a lot of people who choose to read GaaLee probably aren’t out there looking for. And people comment and kudos less on smutfics, I assume because they don’t want their username attached to porn or because they’re embarrassed (which I totally get, no shame there). It’s a modern AU with a sports twist, and AUs are often less popular than canonverse in my experience. I will say though that it has a surprisingly high number of private bookmarks compared to other fics with comparable hit and kudos counts. So I assume people are just a bit more shy because the premise is so ‘out there’. I will say as far as my fics go, it’s one of my personal favorites and probably one of the most intimate and true-to-life things I’ve written? So it actually is a little comforting to know that something so vulnerable has relatively little attention. 

9. longest wip of the year

If we’re going based on stuff that’s partially published but not complete, my Gaara-adopts-Shinki fic On My Way Home is my longest in-progress fic at just over 20k words, although technically I started it in 2019. It will probably end up being right around 40-50k when it’s complete, which might end up situating it as my longest fic ever? 

12. favorite character to write about this year

Okay, this is an easy one. I love writing Kankuro. I think he is hilarious. He is the devil on my shoulder and a creature of pure id, and every time I write a line of dialogue for him it’s the summation of my rudest thoughts about a situation put in the crudest possible terms. If there were a megaphone directly from my unfiltered brain giving running commentary, that would be Kankuro.

15. something you learned this year

I have learned SO much this year! This is only my 2nd year properly ‘focusing’ on writing fic and investing any substantial time into it. I think the biggest thing I have learned, though, is how to overcome a lot of my self-consciousness about writing stories with NSFW elements in them. Starting out, I was so extremely shy and mortified about writing fic at all, much less things like hugging or (god forbid!) kissing. So taking on the smut prompts I took this year and really buckling down on learning to write the mechanics and emotions of sex has been a massive learning experience. (And sorry, by the way, if I haven’t gotten to a prompt you sent me in January yet. I do intend to write all of them eventually!) 

18. current number of WIPs

Ah. The call-out question. My general fic process is idea -> outline -> wip -> edit -> ready to post (where the final draft sits in my docs until I gin up the courage to actually post it). So skipping fics that are just “ideas” on the big mega-list, I have 3 fics in the “outline” stage, 13 fics in the partially written “wip” stage, 1 fic in the “editing” stage, and 2 that are complete but yet-to-be-posted. So, like, 19 total in the offing. (The “ideas” list is even worse lol.)

21. most memorable comment/review

This is such a difficult question because every single comment I get makes me do a little dance for joy. That’s not an exaggeration btw I really sit there and like bounce around in my seat for a moment before I open the Ao3 email. I am not an especially emotive person irl, but there have been times I’ve been brought near tears by comments. I’ll also occasionally show them to my wife like !! look at this nice thing this person said !! and she’s indulgent enough to actually read them. There have been a couple comments that have really stuck with me, that I starred in my inbox and return to frequently, but I don’t want to bring attention to someone else without their permission. I will say there was one person recently who mentioned (not in the comments on one of my fics) that they had found someone who does physical binding of fanfiction and they were about to ask my permission to do that, but then the person who does the binding only does certain ships that she likes ... so that, just, absolutely floored me. The idea that someone might actual want a physical copy of my stupid little ninja fanfictions is, like, so truly immense and completely overwhelming?

24. favorite fic you read this year

You can’t make me pick just one!! (For reference, I have bookmarked right around 180 fics in the past year, and that’s not including fics that I just read, really enjoyed, but didn’t think I could ‘handle’ a second time around.) So, skipping over the ones that AREN’T Naruto ... here is a brief sampling of some faves:

Silica by deepestbluest (rated E, GaaLee, ShikaTema, and Kankiba) - An absolute emotional powerhouse of a fic that manages to skillfully interweave three complex relationship dynamics, satisfactorily resolve them, and give you ALL the sandsibs feels in just over 10k words. 

Childhood Not-Friends (series) by MegaWallflower (rated G, KakaGai) - @megawallflower is a KakaGai god for good reason. Absolutely adorable relationship development fics (five of them!) with the premise that Kakashi thinks he and Gai have been dating since they were kids ... Gai just hasn’t been clued into it yet. These stories will give you heart-eyes.

The Bright Side by gidget_goes (rated T, GaaLee) - This is the Buffy AU I never knew I needed, because I’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But truly you don’t need any Buffy knowledge to enjoy this fic. @gidget-goes command of imagery is masterful, and the way they manage to snap from snark to tugging at your heartstrings is awe-inspiring. Gaara breaks my heart in this. And did I mention Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat? Because Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat. 

Nature vs. Nurture by Bidiza (rated T, GaaLee) - So introspective and so poetic. This looks like a WIP but it’s actually multiple oneshots, although by the end of the second one you’ll be dying for the rest of the promised series. 

I’m a Fool to Want You by BeelieveRosemarie (rated M, GaaLee) - Turns out @tuttiefruttiegaalee isn’t just an amazing artist, they’re a writer, too! Slow-dancing that will break your heart. Listen to the Frank Sinatra song while you read this for extra tear-jerking effect.

Let Love be Known (series) by TenTomatoes (rated G, GaaLee) - This is the twist on the arranged marriage trope and Beauty and the Beast that I didn’t realize this fandom was missing. I’m absolutely obsessed with their concept of Gaara as the Beast

I Could Be by LilacNoctua (rated T, GaaLee) - I know I big up @lilac-writes Worthwhile series a lot (deservedly so, because it’s so good it makes you look at the series and go “Why the fuck didn’t Kishimoto make this canon exactly like this?”), but this story made me absolutely die between the butterflies in my stomach and how hard I was laughing. There’s one line--you’ll know it when you read it--that absolutely bowls me over every time I re-read this. 

And Then Continue by EgregiousDerp (rated E, GaaLee) - Obviously I’m biased because this was a gift, but @egregiousderp writes some of the the best characterized porn I’ve ever read. You will read this and go “Wow! This is exactly how it would happen!” It’s such a tender, beautiful exploration of Gaara’s insecurities and a very real feeling first time, for all its soft edges. 

Cake by citronelle (rated E, KanKiba) - I don’t even know what to say about this one other than ... phew, this is extremely well written, extremely hot, and extremely in character. Just read it. I promise it’s worth it. 

Saudade by YumKiwiDelicious (rated M, GaaLee) - I’ve run around reccing this to just about every person on the face of the earth at this point. If you’re in the GaaLee Discord you probably saw everyone salivating over every new update of this fic and with good reason. The twists and turns of this fic will have you on the edge of your seat, second guessing every single moment. And it will break your heart in the meantime. What more could you want?

the love potion commotion by floating_cats (rated T, NejiSasu with background GaaLee) - One of those fics where you wish the author’s sense of humor was your own. So many hilarious moments in this story, and it brought me a new appreciation for a ship I never would have even considered. 

Finger Lickin’ Good by whazzername (rated E, GaaLee) - Whazz is another one of those authors where I literally want to rec every single thing she’s ever written, she’s just that good. (Speaking of which, if you haven’t read Fools Rush In and its sequel Degrees of Separation, you’re missing out on the best possible Metal origin story of all time. Don’t deprive yourself of this.) But this story is just ... so incredibly in character for a situation that reads like crack. It’s handled with the utmost straight-facedness and it’s so. freakin’. good. 

heart lines by winterberry_holly (rated M, NejiTen and GaaLee) - I don’t even have the words to describe how perfect this fic is. It’s a truly beautiful exploration of Tenten’s relationship with her palmistry hobby and with the people in her life. My heart ached with every single line. 

Standing on Ceremony by kuroashi (rated E, GaaLee) - This is just ... such a beautiful wedding story. So lovely, like getting the best possible warm hug from someone you love. If that love one was slightly strange and socially inept, because, well. It’s still Gaara doing Gaara-things. @baphometsss is another one of those authors whose handling of smut scenes is so stupendous it makes me wildly jealous. 

Thrall by RokiRiot (rated T, GaaLee) - Idiots-to-lovers with a magic AU twist! This is such a wonderful story, and Gaara’s internal monologue is absolutely amazing. And Lee is Deaf in this fic, which I never ever get to see and which absolutely made my entire day/week/month/life. 

Make-Out Consequences by LuxaLucifer (rated M, KakaGai with background canon Boruto ships) - I laughed so hard reading this that I had to take a breather to stop crying. That’s not an exaggeration. The characterization in this fic is impeccable and the humor is to die for. Naruto’s buffoonery truly shines here, and the author’s wit is just beyond anything I could even properly summarize. Hysterical. A++. 

Thirteen Strokes by Luna_Lee (rated T, GaaLee) - Again, like, if you aren’t reading literally everything @sagemoderocklee writes, are you even really a GaaLee fan? But this fic is beyond even for one of Eeri’s incredibly excellent writings. The worldbuilding in this, the cultural notes, the imagery ... it’s all so lush and so fulfilling and so beautiful. It’s a story about love and it’s a story that you can tell has love poured into every single line. I can’t recommend it enough. 

Checkmate by shadowstrangle (rated G, GaaLee) - The pettiness vibes ... this is so funny. Such a cute story and I love Gaara’s sense of humor here. Not a lot of writers give him a sense of humor, but I love how @shadowstrangle gives him a slightly odd, slightly left-of-center take on humor that still manages to be so funny. 

To Court a Village by FanFictionEngineer (rated G, GaaLee) - Another one where my bias is perhaps slightly obvious, but the premise of this fic is amazing. I love cultural misunderstandings, and the idea of Lee trying his hardest to court Gaara ineptly is just so perfect. 

affliction of feeling by theformerone (rated E, SakuHina) - One of those ships that it would never have occurred to me to seek out but that absolutely works with how the author’s set it up. The dynamics here are delicious. It’s so rare to find good F/F porn but this is one of them for sure. 

Tried and Tested by twentysomething (Rated M, KakaIru with background canon Boruto ships and GaaLee) - Iruka’s narration in this story is just incredible. I haven’t laughed this hard reading a fic in ages. And the concept alone (that Naruto can’t be promoted to Hokage until he passes his chuunin exams ... as an adult ... and Sasuke gets dragged along for the ride) is just brilliant. Amazing concept, amazingly executed. 

a fireside waltz by winterberry_holly (rated M, GaaLee) - I really tried not to rec a single author more than once here but for this one I had to. I got about halfway through this fic and immediately started running around ringing the town crier bell like READ THIS FIC! READ THIS FIC! An absolutely smoldering Regency AU with such beautiful, intimate dance scenes. My heart was racing every single time their fingers brushed. If you don’t read anything else on this list, at the very least read this. 

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

I really can’t pick just one. I am lucky enough that @egregiousderp passes me her drafts under the table before (or without) publishing, and getting to read those is a private treat of unparalleled proportions. Some of my favorite things I’ve read this year I can’t even rec because they’re her unpublished stuff. 

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

This is gonna come off strange because I just wrote such a long Naruto reclist, but I recently watched What We Do in the Shadows, and found an incredibly talented group of authors in that fandom with really amazingly good dialogue and narrative voice. I also read a lot of fic for the new It movies (even though I couldn’t watch the 2nd one for ~reasons~), and damn if there isn’t a talented crop of authors in that fandom, too. And finally with ATLA making its way onto Netflix, I had the chance to start watching that for the first time and found a ton of really good fic there as well! 

fanfic end of the year asks!

[normal-thoughts-official]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHDBpb/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCTwq/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHUxHb/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHDxww/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCtVm/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCvo3/

She's hilarious but there's two videos where she starts to speak more mumblingly

ok first of all these are brilliant and i'm losing my mind and i love you, thank you for curating these to me.

i will transcribe them in a bit but i just felt the need to leave this "little" (it's long sorry) note:

as someone who's been raised catholic i just want to say that she is pretty wrong about almost everything she said about catholics, and i say that as someone who hates catholicism with my whole mind body and soul and who's been traumatized by this stupid fucking faith to the point where i can't get into a church without breaking into sobs dauihdasiuh. the catholic guilt is real but catholics are absolutely allowed to divorce and use contraceptives, and also have sex before marriage. the first one is met with some guilt esp from women altho honestly i think it's more due to mysoginist reasons than religious reasons, and the second and third ones are commonpractice and if you say that it's wrong and bad everyone will think you're a fucking weirdo

and even with the divorce thing, while the guilt is there (im pretty sure half the reason my mom doesn't divorce is because she would feel guilty about it, although again, i feel like that's got very little to do with religion and way more with internalized mysoginy), i cannot stress enough that divorce is allowed, almost everyone i know has divorced parents and they're all catholics. the church's official position is kinda weird (as of now pope francis basically said that it's "morally necessary" in some cases but he also referred to ppl who divorced and remarried as "imperfect", but like, it hasn't been forbidden for years, so much so that people get second marriages at catholic churches literally all the time, and i kinda feel like ppl overestimate how much ppl care about what the pope says. at least here in latam, cuz we've always kind of freestyled religion since it was imposed on us anyway, but like... in my experience the average catholic practitioner is INCREDIBLY less conservative than the vatican and i feel like most people don't even know what the pope says or doesn't say. and i'm saying that as someone whose grandfather almost became a priest and only gave that up because he fell in love with my grandmother, and he's been a ferverent catholic his entire life. also two of his kids divorced, one married a divorced woman, one is gay and living together without marriage with his divorced boyfriend, one never married, and one had two kids before marriage which necessarily means that they fucked, and none of that was ever a problem to him. oh, also, my dad had divorced AND he was a buddhist when him and my mom married. currently he is a spiritist)

i think it might be possible that u technically have to ask for "permission" to the church to remarry in church, but in practice i think it's more of a ritualistic thing than actually asking for permission, cuz i've never met a single person who had them say no. it was pretty much "hey local bishop guy so my husband sucked and we divorced can i marry again" "sure lol". obviously it sucks that you even have to ask, but it's nowhere near as strict as people seem to think

the contraceptive thing is also absurd. like i cannot stress enough that my family would absolutely flip if they found out i DIDN'T use contraception. that was always something that my family reinforced very strongly, ESPECIALLY my grandpa. i've never met a single catholic who does not teach their kids to use contraceptives. my high school was catholic (literally named the Holy Cross, fun times, although they didn't impose the faith or anything. in fact almost half of the students in that school are jewish, but like, still, there was a priest in the school board) and we were taught to use contraceptives, put the condom in a banana and the whole pizzazz during biology class

like yeah the bible says not to but it also says not to mix different fabrics and that doesn't mean it's actually a thing that's reinforced in most catholic communities doaihdaj at least not here in latam. in here non-catholic christians are actually way more hardcore about the puritanism rules than catholics are, particularly evangelicals, which are kind of overtaken the catholics' traditional role of being colonialist fuckers as they are mostly from the US so they come to further US imperialism through religion here. watch out catholic church they're coming for ur crown

and even outside of puritanism, "non practicing catholics" are absolutely a thing like ppl who are catholic but don't even pray or go to church, much less care about that shit douahdsaohj so like the stereotype that all catholics are like the very small minority of hardcore catholics is like the stereotype that every muslim lives by the ultra-conservative muslim rules. it's not true and it's stereotypical and taking the minority ultra conservatives to be the rule when they are not

there's also the fact that there are many different currents of thought inside the catholic church (a little bit like with judaism although way less flexible than judaism is), some of which are very conservative, some of which are progressive. here in latam in particular the teology of liberation is extremely popular (it's the one my family subscribes to, and i'm pretty sure it was actually born here in latam) and it's pretty progressive. for catholics, that is

and like mandatory disclaimer that i am coming from my own experiences with latam catholicism, which i feel is different from other catholic countries - my polish friends for example have experiences with catholicism that are a lot closer to those stereotypes than mine ever were - but since most of the catholic population in the world is brazilian (like me), and second place goes to mexicans, i feel pretty comfortable taking it as a ruler to measure general catholic practices

with that being said, however, the catholic church can choke and die in a fire as it is a symbol of colonialism first and foremost, its proselitism is one of the worst things ever, and even the progressive currents are still way too damn conservative for my tastes. i just don't feel comfortable transcribing something that i know is incorrect and stereotypical (and that in some cases is used to further oppression like with the Irish in the UK or armenian catholics, and i've even had some US-diaspora latinos hear some incredible things from gringos who assumed they were catholic, or, in their beautiful words, "had latino religion". but obviously in most cases catholics are the oppressors, especially here in the third world)

also, her assessment in the third video is absolutely correct. A/B/O IS just conservative gender roles born of christian and catholic imposition transposed to a fictional world where the genders have slightly different names, which is why i, as a rule, hate it dauhdsaiuhdauhda and even though the assessment that catholicism is thaaat much more conservative than other christian religions (it's absolutely not, it's Exactly As Conservative) isn't true, catholicism is still where most if not all of western conservative rethoric is born of, and ugh, it's so refreshing to see someone understand this and put it into words so well

so yeah keep that note in mind but anyway, transcriptions:

[Video transcription #1: in reply to a tiktok question, which says, "now i'm thinking about the catholic guilt that would come with it oh my god". user @Omarsbigsister is saying, "good morning", she then covers her mouth as she starts to laugh, before continuing, "I guess I'm the religious omegaverse tiktoker now. I did not know catholic guilt was more than just sex, I thought it was just about sex, but nO. people who are catholic, if you don't know, they get guilt over every little thing, they get guilty when they eat, they have guilt when, like... [dismissive gesture] they have fun... it's messed up *cut* [mumbling i don't understand, sorry] in which you HAVE to be bonded before... *sticks tongue out* *cut* and catholics, from what i know, uhm, cannot get divorced, so you can't be unbonded, you're stuck for life with that alpha or omega, and then you can't use contraceptives so if you have a heat or rut, good luck, you cannot escape it, and on top of that, they preach abstinence, right, so if you're having a heat or rut in your teen years you just gotta deal with it alone like you are not allowed to be bonded, so, that would be really intense."

#2: in response to a question, which said, "follow up question: if in the real world hijabis are women, in ABO universe would hijabis be omegas of all genders?". the user is shown stroking her chin in contemplative silence for a long time, before she says, "actually, both men and women have to wear a hijab, it's just more visible on women, but men also have to cover from like, the neck all the way down... so like when you see them [mumbling i don't understand, sorry] that's their hijab. *cut* Islam is actually treating men and women, like, fairly somewhat equally, so, I feel like in omegaverse alphas, betas, and omegas would all be held to the same standards, and alphas and omegas would also be held by the same standards but then culture would ruin it, just like western culture has ruined it. for your other question. 'would muslim families prefer betas more, and would betas be spiritual leaders', i feel like everyone prefers betas more, but then also Islam came to like, uplift women [a written note then shows up, which says, "like girls are seen as a blessing to have as kids"], so like omegas would be seen as like, a blessing to have as a child.

#3: in response to another tiktok question, which says, "fun fact bestie you cannot get divorced in the catholic religion even if your spouse is abusive and horrible to you so in omegaverse how would that work?". she replies, "the reason that Abrahamic religions seemingly fit so well into the omegaverse universe is because catholicism specifically and christianity, uhm, all the gender norms and all the cultural norms especially in the west came from catholicism and christianity, they were forced on people, and then you know, people might not be religious, but the norms stay. but now you have omegaverse which is basically just a bunch of like youth exploring the youth through this, like, werewolf fanfiction trope, using all these gender roles that you have in society on their head, so, really, what i'm saying, is that... omegaverse is just catholicism fanfiction"

#4: she looks at the camera and says, "getting islamophobic comments is one thing, but getting islamophobic comments that say that muslims cannot be in the omegaverse".... she then breaks into laughter for a solid 30 seconds

#5: she is shown reading out loud, in a mock-outraged face, a tweet that says, "about to murder tiktok they try to make Ramadan a 'quirky' trend. it's a religious holiday. stop it, get some help. /srsly /g.", then a follow-up tweet, which says, "saw a tweet saying on tiktok they are asking questions about how ramadan would work in omegaverse. i'm done with y'all, just say you disrespect muslims and go". then another tweet by a different user, which says, "i tried to read, i got secondhand embarrassment-" they then break out of character and say, "oh, that's fair," before going back, "if it wasn't ramadan i'd be boxing those people right now. those people should be ashamed to even think that way wtf". then another, which replies, "well i'm not celebrating it, so as a non-muslim, i'll happily box them". then, back to her normal voice, she says, "i really was just making a silly little tiktok and seeing that stuff really hurts... i'm just kidding, i can't keep a straight face. you like minecraft youtubers, what are you gonna do to me? what are you gonna do to me?"

#6: in reply to a tiktok ask, which said, "prince philip was an omega". she slowly films herself as she takes a walk, finds the nearest trash bin, and tosses the phone there, before putting the lid over the box. end ID]

[iamgoingtohell---again]

My journeying with gender

I know this isn’t a popular blog, but I’m going for it.

At 26 years old, my gender identity is being shaken to the core. The realizations I’m having are freeing, the reality of them are terrifying, and the skeletons of everything within it are soaked deep with Persistent Depressive Disorder, or dysthymia.

Honestly, I would appreciate any advice or thoughts, as long as it’s kind.

(Please be nice to me.)

And I’m tagging random - but double checked against transphobia - blogs I follow that I hope will be friendly, at least reblog, and maybe also give their honest opinion. (Some of them are popular, I don’t expect a response) @barnabyleeofslytherin @thatsthat24 @spaceyspades @hey-pretty-mama-its-johnny-bravo @tenoko1 @superwhoavengelock-etc @novamjohnson @arosecret @gayngelofthelordlovesdean @trans-matters @transboygif

So, let’s start with realizations. (It’s weird; I’m weird - just read three paragraphs down)

Not too long ago, I fell down a YouTube rabbit hole where I watched this video on reincarnation (more or less - it’s some dude’s near-death experience). Basically, when in regards to me, it comes down to: he asked the people he was talking to in this afterlife place if he could stay next time (because he had to go back this time), and their answer was (not verbatim): “We doubt it. You never stay long. You like your lessons.”

Which, okay, I get how that’s creepy, but I will also say that dude reported they seemed mostly amused with him the entire time. As in, okay, this guy again? Same questions. What a cinnamon roll. 

At any rate, it was enough for me to actual consider if I could “come back”, and then what I would come back as? And the idea that I could come back as a gay man gOT ME SO HAPPY AND EXCITED I CAN’T DESCRIBE!

And that was when realization first hit me on the head: cis people don’t have these thoughts.

Which I know sounds like such a duh moment, but it actually was. There had been a couple of things poking at me, hinting similarly for a while, but this opened the flood gates. For the first time in my life, I began acknowledging that I have thoughts like:

“I’d give anything to be a man.”

“God, I’d love to have a penis.”

And even: “Why couldn’t have my balls just fucking dropped???”

I finally, after all these years, realized these aren’t cis thoughts (especially when they’re daily, and two of those pretty much are), but it clashes so much with who I have gotten used to being.

Which brings me to reality.

Accepting I wasn’t “cis” was surprisingly really easy. Like I alluded, it was freeing. Coming back down to earth, I had q u e s t i o n s. And being both the person I am and a long term mental health *whatever*, I asked them to myself.

Why didn’t I know/realize/get a hint before age 26?  First off, when I look at my life, there a thousand hints that I’m not “cis”. 

Second, I didn’t realize because of how I grew up. I grew up in an environment where there is literally a “how cute, let’s laugh” story of me where I cried because I was told by the women in my family not to play with the boys. The “laugh” part of it is them (the women involved) saying, “We should have known then you’d be a tomboy from that incident.” Catcher? The men in my family retelling that story don’t laugh. They say instead, “We realized then you weren’t like them.”

And that’s exactly it. I grew up with a family that had one foot in liberal things and one foot in conservative/traditional things. So, it was a stretch and active thing for them to allow me to always hang out with the “guys”, to build and paint houses with the men, and to do “manly” activities with the men of our family because it was very “feminist” and “independent” which they supported. (Not all, but my parents did so everyone else had to shut up.). 

It’s an entirely different thing for that same child to be trans. They didn’t raise a boy. They raised a strong, female daughter.

So me saying things like, “I’d love to be a man,” and, “Can I get boy jeans?” was a part of the strong female identity. That was it.

And so, why I didn’t know?

I think because I did have such positive encouragement to more “manly” things in such a way, that my family simply comforted me in the “womanly” things I was obligated to. And there is so much about being a woman that I hate, but I had learned early on that there were things I could enjoy.

For instance, I sometimes like I having my nails painted. It’s not always, I have phases, but occasionally, I enjoy it. I sometimes like wearing makeup. I know I don’t know much about it, but I know enough. And I 50/50 enjoy wearing it, etc. I love shoes - I don’t like heels tho. And other little feminine things, I can get into the mood for.

So here we are for the last of it, which I will just title mental health and such.

I already have mental health issues (depression) - which, my brain has already began to ring a bell that some of it had/has to do with this - already plan to talk to my therapist.

But in my own encouragement of my mental health, I decided to approach the issue like we do for issues at work. Which means in my case listing what are both real and “in my head” problems.

Why to not ID has a trans man and possibly transition:

- I know I will lose half the family I have, possibly all (blood family)

- I am too old for this - if I was truly a man, I surely would’ve known so much younger and will never be taken seriously as a man

- I am too overweight for a transition

- Money

Why to shelf the idea:

- I’m just now beginning to allow myself permission to think this way, shelving and letting the thought(s) develop could be helpful (note: also harmful, to be considered)

- Even at my age, despite everything, I could be going through a phase. Let it pass.

- I know I am likable and employable right now, as is, so perhaps stay physically as I am no matter what I think/feel.

Why to actually “man” up:

- Because I actually got a lot of just life/maintenance shit done this week by thinking, “You’re doing this for the man you will become.”

- Because I have always looked at men as both “he is so hot” and “I wish I could be that” v looking at women as either “why would someone find this attractive?” and “this is what I’m supposed to look like/want to look like”

- Because I have always related to men, and I have always ever related to women when it was a direct issue involving this body I’m in

- Because throughout my life I have had detailed daydreams of how a situation/reaction/or-just-life would have gone if I was the man I wish I was

- Because the older I’ve become, the more I’ve hated the thought of being a woman and loved the idea of being a man

- Because if I was ever asked what to be, I would be a man. Full stop, no question about it. 

But I wasn’t asked, and I can’t, and I just don’t know. So much about “being a woman” has been so grilled into me, expected of me, and the norm for me. And I’ve fought. I’ve tried. I just at best felt comfortable being the girl who never reaches out.

So, fuck it. I’m reaching out. And I’m tagging certain blogs I follow that I hope will be friendly but also give their honest opinion. 

[trickstarbrave]

okay actually i dont care what your stance is on ace discourse but heres my hot take im never budging on: if youre cis and het you dont get to use the word queer to describe anyone ever, i dont care how much you want to, unless you are told expressly to only call someone not-cishet that

cishet ally? STOP fucking rebloging those ‘uhm kweer has been reclaimed u evil silly stupid 15 y/os im 35 and a member of the community but if u mono lesbians and gays dont wanna be called kweer then fine just NEVER do activism ever <3′ bc guess what? youre inserting yourself in an issue that literally. never. concerned you. ever. you have no stakes in this conversation, and ESPECIALLY you are using your privilege to shit talk lesbians and gay men. i dont care if someone else in the community did it-- thats intracommunity aggression. we’ll fucking deal with it. 

‘but ace ppl are lgbt and thus q--�� no. nope. queer isnt a synonym for ‘the lgbt community’ its a slur against people with ‘non-heterosexual desires’ by a cishet society, meaning people who are trans or attracted to people not of the ‘opposite’ gender. i dont care to debate if not feeling sexual or romantic attraction to someone makes you oppressed anymore, but just know that if it did it did not make you subject to this word historically! if you are ace and trans or attracted to ppl of a similar gender? be my guest and use it 

i dont care WHAT your intentions are! i dont! but a cishet person saying ‘queer’ is literally not okay. i dont care if you mean it in a good way. i dont care if you dont mean to offend. i dont care if you hear other queer people calling themselves it 24/7. unless you are told explicitly to call one person that, you will not call anyone that. and if THEY tell you to, it is not permission from every other person who is trans and lgbt