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thepinkcar · 5 years

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The TC Gift Exchange

words: 2K

note: I started this a year ago as a joke but then after some thought the idea grew on me. Enjoy my weird brain.

Timothée found himself in an abandoned storage lot, sitting inside his aunt’s Toyota Camry while he tried to push down the impulse to scream. The location had been the address on a note he had received prior. The handwriting was unsettlingly familiar and read:

Honorable Timothée,

It wold be an honor to have your company at the location inscribed on December 31st close to midnight. Please bring a gift to exchange during the celebration. We hope to see you there.

In retrospect, showing up at all had been a grave mistake. He probably wouldn’t have if he hadn’t desperately craved space from the New Years rager. The holiday season had been a well-desired break from the prying eyes of the public. Unfortunately it also meant an unwavering devotion to every friend and family gathering that could be stuffed into his schedule.

So here he was, risking a shoot out (or more likely, stabbing) on New Years Eve. Just as he had resolved to turn around and leave, there was a knock on his car window. A young man with long curly dark hair waved at him to get out and Timothée sighed, quickly complying. The man’s hair obscured his face, but Timothée felt a chill run down his spine once he spoke.

“You’re Timothée, right?” Timmy nodded slowly. “Is that French, ‘cause that’d be hella tight.”

Timothée froze, finally taking in the thick American accent. “Did you just say ‘hella tight’?” he whispered. The man ignored the question, instead turning towards him and offering a hand. Timothée shook it hesitantly as he tried to find the the gall to look up.

“‘Name’s Kyle. Nice to meet you, Tim-o-tay.” Timmy looked up so fast he was almost surprised not to feel any whiplash. When he saw his own face he screamed.

“What the fuck! What the fuck is happening? Is this some sick joke?” Timothée screeched. Kyle sighed apathetically, pulling a hand-rolled cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. Timothée continued to stare at him bug-eyed, half expecting him to glitch or evaporate from his vision when he woke up from this nightmare.

“Dude, chill. It’s not that weird,” Kyle mumbled, taking another hit. Timothée remained frozen and Kyle sighed again. “It’s too fucking cold for this shit. C’mon, we’re going inside and you better have your gift on you.”

Kyle took a step towards Timmy and Timmy flinched. Aggravated, Kyle grabbed Timmy’s forearm and pulled him inside one of the storage buildings.

The inside of the building was surprisingly cozy with the halls decorated vibrantly for Christmas. Soon they arrived in a room occupied by a Christmas tree, cookies, and an ominous circle of chairs.

“I have him, so we can get this over with and leave!”

“Apathy has and never will be a good look on you, Kyle,” a new voice said. Timothée turned to meet Elio (or him playing Elio) dressed in his winter time outfit. He tried to set aside the creepiness of Elio’s distressed half-smile that he remembered doing during his takes for the end credits. Elio pulled him into an embrace and Timothée suppressed the urge to wriggle.

“It’s a joy to meet you,” he said warmly before pulling back. “You’re more handsome than I anticipated.”

“How do you manage to be so narcissistic and so self-deprecating in the same sentence?” Kyle growled. Elio rolled his eyes before taking off his headphones and handing Kyle his walkman. Kyle bitterly put it on before continuing to listen to whatever was playing.

“What’s going on?” Timmy finally mustered, his throat burning from the screaming.

“We’re calling it the TC Gift Exchange,” Elio stated simply. “Every year, all of the characters you play come together at an undisclosed location and give each other gifts before departing back into our separate universes.”

Timothée stared at Elio in bewilderment before bursting into laughter. Elio watched him in confusion.

“Is everything alright?”

“Of course! It’s just that my dopplegangers have teamed up to make me feel insane. Excellent work, but I think this can stop now.”

“It’s true,” two voices say. Tim and Elio turn to face a Billy from Miss Stevens and Zac from One and Two. They both have a cookie in hand with same amount of bites taken. Tim gulps.

“Each year, the universe of the most successful part that year is where we host,” Billy explains. “Last year we partied in Crema…”

“The year before that we had to do it in the ass crack of no where,” Zac mutters.

“Hey! That spot was next to the road that I sang with Miss Stevens in the car on the way to that theatre conference. And you’re being out of character!”

“Well I’m sorry if I’ve been cranky considering my house was burned to bits!” Zac sneers.

“Boys! You’re literally the same persona set in two different storylines. Find your zen,” Elio says, immediately cringing. “I’m starting to sound like Kyle.”

Timothée shakes his head and moves to take a seat in the circle. The others soon follow suit taking their respective seats that are conveniently in chronological order. Timothée takes the opportunity to take in the others (he’s still deciding whether or not to refer to them as individuals) profiles. Elio sat two spaces to the right of him next Kyle and another doppelgänger that Timothée could only assume to be Daniel from Hot Summer Nights based solely off the fact that he wouldn’t stop rocking back and forth.

Billy and Zac buddy up next to one another beside Daniel, followed by an awkward looking Charlie Cooper and roughed up Jace. Timothée cringed at the familiar backwards cap sitting on Jace’s head next to him. He turned to Elio who had busked himself switching the tape out of his Walkman for Kyle. “This isn’t everyone is it?”

Elio raised a brow but didn’t break his focus. “What do you mean? Timothée bit his lip. He didn’t want to come off arrogant, ironically.

“There’s do roles missing from the circle.”

“Not everyone comes every year. Some are on probation,” Kyle said matter-of-factly. Timothée rolled his eyes. He forgot how much of a douche Kyle was meant to be.

“Some aren’t old enough to come, so we mail them their gifts,” Elio finished.

“But how do you send mail to a completely different universe?”

“You’re asking too many questions. Why is he asking so many questions?” Daniel grumbled, crazed eyes now trained on Timothée. Timothée felt his hands clam up more than they already had.

“Danny, be civil,” Elio warned, giving him a cautious pat on the back. Kyle rolled his eyes.

“We mail them the same way we’re all able to gather with you tonight. Dumbass.” Timmy nodded slowly, surveying the room of doppelgängers. The more he looked at them the less anxious he became about seeing them, which only made him more anxious about how quickly he was acclimating to his Stockholm of a situation.

“What about the ones on—“

“Probation? We try to keep the celebration to main characters only, since we’re not exactly rolling in it, y’know?” Billy quipped, jumping in before Elio had a chance. “Then some people…”

“Nic can’t come because technically he’s a fictionalized real person,” Elio cut in once again, shooting Billy a cool look.

“And he’s a drug addict,” Kyle muttered.

“Recovering addict.”

“What’s the difference? There’s only one guy missing but I don’t really care if he’s here or not. I’m not a big fan of monarchy or oligarchy or government institutions—“

“—or the government?” Timothée cut in knowingly. Kyle smiled.

“See he gets it.”

A crash of metal silences the room’s chatter. After a moment of silence another doppelgänger, this time with a stylish bowl cut appears. Timothée shivers at the memory of his lost locs. Kyle scowls while Elio beams. The others arrange their reactions neatly between the two margins.

“Hello everyone. I hope you can pardon my lateness. I struggled to drag this sorry lot to the TC Exchange,” Hal declared, ceremoniously dragging in Gatsby Welles from the he-who-shall-not-be-named movie about rain. It was Elio’s turn to grimace while Kyle smirked.

“No foul, your highness. Be seated here. As for him…”

“We can’t keep blacklisting him, Elio.”

“His film didn’t even hit theaters! Mine has an Oscar, Kyle. An Oscar!”

“You mean the award you campaign for?”

“I don’t mind.” The room turned to Timothée who had chosen to slump comfortably in his seat. He decided to sit up for the sake of his point. “I chose to play him. He still means a lot to me.”

“He’s just Kyle wearing a blazer!”

“He’s more complex than that, Elio.”

“No one if knows what he’s supposed to be like because it’s impossible to watch the movie!” Elio whined. Timothée moved to respond when a familiar click is heard from across the room. They froze to face Jace holding his signature hand gun.

“You better shut your ass, Elliot! Just because you like dick doesn’t mean you get to make all the rules. The man of the hour said he wants Gatsby to stay, so Gatsby’s staying!”

“While I try not to condone violence, unless my advisors misadvise me, I have to agree with as the kids might say Soulja Boy over there,” Hal added causing Elio to crumple further into his seat. Timothée frowned.

“I understand why you’re upset, Elio. He somehow managed to write a poetry collection during this whole exchange. But I still wanna keep him if we’re gonna be here.”

“I’m gonna name this last one after you, Elio,” Gatsby said softly. Elio gives a small smile.

“Okay.”

“Thank god,” Kyle sighed, “Can we get our gifts now? I don’t want to ring in the new decade with you lot.”

❄️❄️❄️

After an hour of mingling with his counterparts, the goodbyes tugged a bit on Timothée’s heart strings. He learned so much about everyone as far as the group dynamic went. He learned Kyle and Elio were actually quite close considering how much they seemed to rag on each other.

“You should have seen him the first year. An antisocial mess,” Elio reminisced fondly.

“That’s before a realized you have taste. I wouldn’t have shown up again if you hadn’t,” Kyle admitted begrudgingly.

Timothée also learned that while most of his characters felt similar, after two minutes of conversation the differences became glaring. Except for Billy and Zac. They were essentially the same person.

“I hope one day I’ll get a box of serotonin for Christmas,” Billy joked. Zac gasped.

“I asked for a bottle of Serotonin for my birthday!”

As Timothée walked back to his Aunt’s Camry with Hal, he couldn’t fight off the smile that kept creeping onto his face. Hal side-eyed him in solent satisfaction.

“Will we be seeing you again next year? I’m sure Elio wouldn’t mind providing free transit to space.”

“I’ll have to think about it,” Timothée chuckled. “This was…nice. Like really nice. It makes me kinda glad to be an actor. In an unnerving way.”

“I couldn’t have asked for better casting. Next year should be nice since Laurie will be able to come. I think him and Elio will get on nicely, then maybe…”

“Then maybe he’ll stop flirting with you? Still not sure how I feel about that,” Timothée mumbled with a shudder. The man really needs his Oliver.

“Don’t worry yourself about it. I only have one thing to request of you good sir.” Timothée raised a brow, trying not to fidget under Hal’s intense gaze. “Please, consider doing a comedic role in the future. We could use someone to shake things up around here.” The two of them smiled before bursting into fits of laughter.

“You’ve got it King!”

“No, you’re the king today. Drive safe and we’ll see you next time.” Hal walked back into the abandoned hall while Timothée sat down in his car and prepared to drive back. Maybe in the morning he’d wake up from a highly elaborate dream, but for now he could hang on to the feeling of gratitude and appreciation.

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troycattribunny · 5 years

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In the words we missed

I posted this on AO3 and promptly forgot to post it here too, so here is some lovely BakuTodo with Pro hero! Shouto and writer! Katsuki. Also mentions of a book about Necrophilia at the end there but it’s cause Katsuki is a thriller-mystery writer

AO3 if you prefer to read it there

In a world dominated by heroes and quirks, many times there were better jobs to be done. Staying at home was no longer considered the life as much as being lazy. No, your quirk meant a lot to this society. Way to much to just have it go to waste by being indoors.

As a result, writers no longer found the time to write, it was no longer considered a worthy career, an art. Art in itself was no longer considered a career. Readers and writers suffered. But that didn’t mean books were completely off the shelves.

A once pro hero in training had found a love for reading half way through high school, by buying a book with a big explosion on the cover entitled, “The reason I lost”. He didn’t mean to gaze at the book for so long, reading for fun was never really his thing, but it was right above his favorite snack and he kinda thought it looked a bit interesting. Flipping the book over Bakugo Katsuki read the snippet of plot on the back, it was an action book taking place 10 years prior to present day about a boy who had lost his legs and proceeded to get in cahoots with the mafia to kill a bunch of bullies. Deciding, why not? He bought the book. That experience kick started a full out career for the once hero in training. He bought book after book of many different genre’s, especially thriller and horror with lots of blood and gore. His notebook originally filled with quirks training teqnuiques and other academic stuff soon became filled with characters and plots of his own.

That didn’t mean he never trained, he was still originally a hero in training after all. But he also wrote in his free time. At first it was just a hobby, a simple thing to do in his free time. Writing wasn’t his whole world. He preferrBut a girl sweet as you has a futureed the hero work.

The book he was writing soon took up more room in his notebook then academics, so he needed a new notebook just for his writing. He followed some writers and asked questions, it was after all just a hobby. He wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and trained and trained and trained. Writing was his little secret. Word upon word of a world set into the distant future about a gang of people overthrowing the government but accidentally making an even worse government and another group of people (the protagonists) deciding to find the best solution that hurts the least amount of people to no one.

Writing was his secret. He never liked his ideas, feeling like they were too full of errors to make complete sense to anyone but himself. Writing was a secret passion of his… that soon that little hide away secret became clear when he stopped taking notes in class, preferring to write instead.

But one day he left his notebook on the coffee table, where any curious eyes could wander. Todoroki Shouto was the bearer those curious eyes, the blue notebook looking like one of Bakugo’s notebooks that held valuable quirk training. The half and half boy took the notebook and began reading.

He loved the story.

The idea that just cause it’s “new” and that it overthrew one thing didn’t necessarily mean it was “better”. But just cause Todoroki was the first one to see it didn’t mean he was the only. Soon all of class one A had looked at Bakugo’s story. There were many pointers but it was only the first draft. Notes in the margins about characters and how best to make these plot points and little tidbits best fit into the story when it’s fully written. By the time the class finished all of the written story-Toreador couldn’t wait to see what was next written, the class agreed-the half hot half cold boy placed the notebook back on the coffee table and pretended he didn’t just read a part of the boys privacy, something should he find out about the explosive blond would probably kill the Todoroki heir.

As time went on and that notebook became more and more full with the story and characters growth, class one A stole the book more and more. Kirishima never really enjoyed stories or books much and didn’t think invading his friends privacy was really that manly, so he was on “Bakugo wrote a new chapter so go distrait him out of the dorm,” duty.

But sometimes Kirishima was not the best at following orders and Todoroki’s head whipped around when the door opened to Bakugo’s notebook opened and Bakugo himself at the door, “sorry guys, he seemed to want the notebook” Bakugo ripped the book out of Todoroki’s hand, giving the boy a paper cut and walked out.

After a lot of shenanigans regarding things in which I do not have the mental compassity or care enough to completely write down and Bakugo forgave his friends for the completely fucked up act of invading his privacy and Todoroki fell deeply in love with the explosive blond.

Fast forward a couple of years and suddenly Bakugo Katsuki was no longer training to be a pro hero. Don’t get him wrong he still trained but most of his time was spent writing and publishing. His husband, Todoroki Shouto, however, was one of the best heros, still second to Deku but at least he was up there. And Todoroki never cared cause he knew his husband was proud of him. Katsuki made somewhat of a living off of his books, thrillers and horrors and fantasies alike,

But as much as Shouto was glad his husband was doing what he loved, that sometimes meant days without seeing him outside of his study, especially when he was in the zone, the zone not meaning he was hard to pull away from, no, the zone of five months until the deadline he set for his next novel and the publishers were going to be on his ass, the red zone. Katsuki had this novel planned out for most of the year, even taking this into his dates with Shouto. But for some strange reason he never knew how to write it. Shouto didn’t know much about the plot, just that Katsuki was sure it would blow off his readers. He wasn’t confident in this project but hew was so ready to start it. That mind sometimes didn’t make sense to Todoroki.

It had been a week since Shouto had seen his husband. He was busy himself but at this point he was sure that his husband was not sleeping. Not that Shouto tended to sleep, he had too many frequent nightmares that sleeping alone felt so sickly, he wanted to avoid sleeping alone for as long as he could. So Shouto had gone inside his home at around five pm and microwaved a plate of chicken nuggets to give to Bakugo. He made his way up to the mohagony door of Katsuki’s study and opened the door, going over to stand next to Bakugo he placed the plate down, taking note of Katsuki’s sunken eyes and pale skin.

Shouto didn’t mind this much however, as he found a sparkle in his eye and his puffy hair. Despite his leaving UA to become a full on writer he still worked out regularly with Kirishima and the Bakusquad, and on multiple occasions he had sparred with Todoroki, keeping them both on point. Katsuki was still pretty buff, and Shouto wouldn’t be lying if he said he wanted to lick the sweat off of Katsuki’s biceps… now that he thought about that he had been fantasizing about that since the number two hero had seen the guy change in the dressing room… God how did he only now figure out his sexuality?

The smell of warm chicken nuggets brought his eyes too Shouto’s and he smiled, “Well, hello darlin’! Allow me to finish this chapter-”

“No.”

“No?”

“You are not finishing this “chapter” you are eating. And then when you are done you are going straight to bed young man, I will not allow you to compromise your heath” Todoroki Shouto knew he had married a hot head stubborn, luckily he was just as stubborn, so when Katsuki slitted his eyes, Shouto was having none of it.

The feast of glares at a banquet of two very stubborn people, ‘the best foreplay’ had joked Mineta once, but now that Shouto thought about it, yeah, he maybe enjoyed this little dance and mask charade more than was probably socially okay. However, it’s not like that meant much to either of them, what society thought. After all, society didn’t look at Bakugo like a hero but instead a neet. But Todoroki knew Bakugo before that, when he was a hero. That, he felt, was something only he and the rest of class one a could Indulge in.

Finally after this glare battle, Bakugo let out a sigh and took a chicken nugget, looking longingly at his computer screen, “I swear,” muttered Shouto, putting his head in his left hand “you love that computer more than me,”

Katsuki smirked, “Maybe I-”

Achoo

…. …. …. “Bakugo Katsuki,” asked Shouto, in a very, very calm tone. Too calm. The calm before the absolute shit fest that Katsuki would be in should he chose not to answer.

“Y-yeah...” “When did you last leave this room”

absolute silence, but not of shame, it had really been that long that the once explosive blond really did not remember.

Shouto grabbed the plate and his husband’s arm. “never mind, you are leaving this room right this instant, mister.” Katsuki nodded, knowing better than to even think about complaining about his work as he was being led to his bedroom by a very angry half and half. A very angry wife, thought Katsuki with a smile.

Katsuki was pushed to the bed, on his side, and the plate of nuggets was placed on the nightstand. “rest, now.” Katsuki’s head sank in his pillow, fluttered his eyes and Shouto saw in real time how very soon he had fallen asleep.

Shouto didn’t mind not seeing his husband’s red eyes all that much, cause when he was asleep he look the most beautiful, the most breathtakingly peaceful. His even breathing, his glorious chisled chest. Shouto was quite happy that Katsuki was not a famous pro her, after alll if he was there was no way the amazing blond would be a Todoroki after he got even one fan. Maybe Shouto liked having him all to himself.

Todoroki decided to curl up in bed after him, noting that his husband was a bit too hot. How badly was he taking his health if he is this sick? Thought Todoroki. He used his right side to cool down his husband.

Katsuki woke up to a true fever but weirdly despite feeling like his blood was boiling he also was pretty cold. The blond decided he’d rather be asleep with this amazing coolness instead of awake.

A week later after his cold had subsided Katsuki went downstairs to find his husband drinking coffee and reading a notebook. A notebook that contained his first story. The dual eyed boy looked at his husband and gave a small smile, “Hello.” Katsuki nodded in affirmation.

“What was the plot of the novel that you were so ambient of finishing that it cost you your health?” Asked Todoroki taking a sip of coffee, with his eyes closed, taking in the homey feel now that his husband was well again.

“Oh it was a story about a man who’s lover fell ill, died and due to her family was cremated and the doctor found someone who looked too much like her that he killed her to keep a corpse that looked like his wife to have his way with an he goes on a killing spree every time the corpse decays too much to be reconised as his wife.”

Coffee sputtered all over the table and Katsuki’s old notebook smudging the well worn words.

“Katsuki… What the fuck?”

Well, maybe those thrillers were a bit out of hand now

#todobaku #bakutodo #bnha bakugou #todoroki x bakugou #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #civilian bakugou #bnha todoroki

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reformedkingsmanagent · 5 years

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{Batter Up} 1/?

(yes I know this is NOT Charlie and I’m so sorry for that but my pre-endgame jitters mean my old hyperfixation with cap is back in full force so I’m sorry!! Also I won’t post spoilers, so don’t worry about that. I’m sticking firmly with my pre-endgame thoughts. obviously though after 12:30am EST on Saturday, feel free to MESSAGE ME YOUR EVERY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.) alright, well...I hope you like it, at least a little bit. let’s see how far my current momentum takes me with this (and thanks @missredherring for the idea).

***

“You need a distraction. I’ve never seen you this self-destructive, Steve. You’re going.” “Don’t you think there’s more important things I should be doing?” “I don’t see you doing them.”

***

“Does anyone have any questions? No? Alright then, let’s get back to it.”

Noise filled the room as everyone got situated, focused on the task at hand.

All Steve saw was an empty canvas. It sat there, waiting on the easel, just to spite him. “Whose dumb idea was this,” he sighed to himself, getting up off the stool. His intentional lack of progress was starting to become obvious to everyone else. Heaven help whoever decided to ask him about it.

No. Relax. Otherwise you’ve wasted your time here.

He knew it wasn’t dumb, there was great benefit in creatively expressing grief and other strong emotions, but it felt wrong to be here while everyone else sat in a void somewhere, out of reach. What would he tell Bucky when he brought him back?

‘Hey, sorry I took so long, I decided to join a therapy group where we paint our feelings. Thanks for being so patient.’

If. If he brought him back.

“Tell me what this division means. Why is it so stark in comparison to everything else?”

The small woman studied the canvas beside Steve, listening in great detail to his neighbor’s explanation.

“...it’s all about balance, like how everything ended up split right down the middle…”

Balance. Balance. Balance. Oh God—

Steve didn’t notice he was making a fist until the brush snapped like a twig in his hand. He didn’t even remember picking it up.

The group leader laid a gentle hand on his neighbor’s shoulder, trying to urge him back to his canvas so he wasn’t openly gawking at Steve’s reaction.

“Mr. Rogers, I seem to remember you working on the same blank canvas last week.”

Steve bit back his impulsive response. How could she know how little he wanted to be here? How it felt to be tossed aside by the very monster who did this, who made this group necessary? To be borderline complicit in the sudden disappearance of 50% of the world’s population?

“What emotion is prevailing today?” She could read it in his face.

“Anger.” He bit the inside of his cheek. Self-loathing.

“What’s a color you associate with anger? You can start there. Just get something out of there.” She tapped the side of her head.

She sighed as he failed to answer, retreating to a cabinet behind him. “For me, it’s red. Wrath. Fury. Blood. That’s obvious. For you, though…” She returned, two tubes of paint in hand. She held them out to him, waiting for his reaction. “I’d imagine it’s a bit different.”

Red and blue. Colors he usually thought of fondly. But together…

He took them hesitantly, setting them on the counter beside him, but not eager to pick up another brush.

“I think if you stopped fighting for once, you’d make some real progress.” She held a new brush out to him, her other hand open, waiting for him to give up the brush he’d snapped in two.

With a deep, meditative breath, he gently set the broken handle into her hand and took the new brush. He spent a good amount of time looking down at it, both ashamed at his lack of control but also still feeling a bit defiant.

What would Tony say about his recent behavior? Would he ever see him again? Would he ever see any of them again?

His friends.

The instructor walked away, hands fiddling with the broken brush as she observed everyone else’s work.

“Can I borrow the blue?”

The voice that interrupted his thoughts was full of hesitation.

As Steve turned to look at the person standing to his left, he saw your eyes go a bit wide. “Only if you’re not using it…”

He squeezed his eyes shut, shame washing over him. What kind of unhinged mess was he that he frightened people just by looking at them?

“Sorry. I’m sorry. Here.” He held out the paint to you.

“It’s alright.”

He felt like he should say something more, but he didn’t know what else he could possibly talk about.

So he left it at that.

***

Could you have picked a worse time to try to talk to him?

No. No, you couldn’t have.

Of freaking course you’d waste yet another opportunity to actually carry on a conversation with one of The Avengers. Not that you were a fan, it all seemed so reckless, really, but seeing him in the flesh…

It was a bit of a let-down.

No, really, it was. He looked as defeated as he probably felt, considering everything that’s happened. It’s a wonder he even went out anymore, and to your therapy group, no less.

Though after this session you didn’t think you’d see him back next week.

As you returned your attention to your own mixed emotions smeared across the canvas, you uncapped the blue, pushing some of the paint out onto the palette.

“What does it mean?”

You didn’t realize he’d stepped in behind you. You did your best to disguise your surprise before turning slightly so you could see him out of the corner of your eye. He was quite tall.

He asked you a question.

You could hardly rationalize it to yourself, let alone to someone else. “I’m not exactly sure,” you confessed. “I might’ve started with an idea, but I’m pretty sure I forgot it at some point.” Your canvas was currently a swirl of all sorts of colors, but the center was dark.

Pretty representative of your current state. Nice and bright on the outside, but inside... it was all too much.

“I’m not usually one for abstract pieces, but…”

But?!

“It feels like a place I don’t want to go.”

You frowned, turning to look up at him. You wished you hadn’t. The full weight of his attention was on you and you were now acutely aware of it. His eyes were very blue. “I’m not sure if that’s a critique or a compliment.”

“Is it possible to mean both?” There was almost a fraction of a smile in his eyes, though not in the rest of his face. You got a feeling that the usual Steve Rogers was much more easy-going than this.

“Well it’s got to at least be marginally better than the blank space over there,” you shrugged, gesturing towards his still-blank canvas.

“I’m working on it.”

“Right.” You raised an eyebrow, a smile spreading across your face. “Thank you.” You held out the tube to him, watching him carefully as he reached for it. He was gentle and slow, possibly aware of his imposing presence. As he returned to his seat on the stool you swore you saw the corner of his mouth lift a little.

Don’t.

A few seconds later he stood, heading over to his canvas. You resisted smiling as much as you could as he finally started getting his colors together.

It wasn’t because of you. It has nothing to do with you.

***

He cut in with sketchy black lines, getting something close to a plan on the canvas before he started adding color. He was at a loss of what to paint until you informed him that even you didn’t know. It was all about what he was feeling.

All he wanted was to go back, before everything.

Where would the world be if Steven Grant Rogers from Brooklyn hadn’t taken the serum? Possibly better off? It was easy to argue that now. But he knew if he said as much, there would be plenty of people eager to tell him no. He was never one to sit on the sidelines, either. And despite recent events, there were a lot of other people he’d been able to help.

As hard as it was to be here, he needed to be.

***

“Alright everyone, this was an illuminating hour, why don’t we pick this up next week?”

There was a wave of shuffling, chairs moving, people passing through the center of the room to reach the door. Steve picked up his canvas and moved to the back of the room to lean it up against some of the cabinets, out of the way.

As he went back for his bag, he met you halfway, still hesitant to reach out, but feeling emboldened by his sudden bit of—

“Progress?” you asked, an eyebrow raised as you also headed back to store your canvas. Steve waited for you in between some of the tables.

“Progress,” he conceded, picking at the paint dried on his hands. He looked up in time to see you tuck a bit of hair behind your ear. He realized with a jolt the kind of warm, nervous state he was in. He hadn’t felt like this since—

“Do you feel any better now that you’ve started?”

“I do, actually.”

He fell in step beside you as you returned to gather your things.

“So you’ll be back next week?”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he joked, smiling slightly as he followed you to the door. He realized he didn’t have anywhere to go, or at least didn’t have any immediate plans. He felt like if he went back now, he’d lose any progress he made. He couldn’t blame everyone, it was a grave defeat, one he wasn’t sure they’d be able to recover from. He wanted to enjoy this lighter feeling for a little longer.

“It does help, at least a little bit. It’s better than doing nothing and not acknowledging it. At least for me it is.”

“It has its benefits,” he agreed.

He picked up his pace just a little to reach the door first, holding it open for you as you passed through it and into the chilly night air.

He shook his head as you thanked him. “No need.”

***

It took you a moment to realize he was following you. Not following exactly, but letting you dictate where the two of you were going.

He didn’t want to go home, you realized.

“I think I’m gonna stop for a coffee. Do you want to…?”

He watched you point to the door. Realization dawned on him and he pulled his hands out of his pockets. “Sure, yeah, that would be great.”

You pulled the door open before he could get to it and stepped inside. His hand was high above you, keeping it open until he was standing behind you, eyes up towards the menu.

“What do you usually get?”

He smiled at himself. “Oh, I’m pretty boring. I haven’t experimented much, just a regular coffee for me, thank you.”

“What, they didn’t have frappuccinos in the forties?”

“Wow, we’ve been talking for all of five minutes and you’ve already found my deepest insecurities.”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

“So it’s safe to say you know who I am.” He avoided eye contact, you noticed, watching his eyes scan the board even though he wasn’t going to change his order.

“I don’t know you. I know the most superficial basics about Captain America, or at least what can be found at the exhibit in—”

“Don’t remind me.”

“What, you don’t visit your own exhibit? You’re practically a walking, talking fossil, you should be proud—”

“Whoa, whoa,” he interrupted, his face lighting up. He looked a far cry from the moody, brooding artist back in that room.

You reached out in your laughter and laid a hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him down. Even through his worn leather jacket you could feel how warm he was.

“Why don’t you pick out a table that allows you to see all the corners, and I’ll go...order you your boring coffee?”

He heard the challenge and his amusement was clear, but he didn’t say anything else. With a nod, he left to find a place to sit. He also left you to stew in your nerves.

What the hell were you doing buying Captain America a coffee on a Tuesday night?

#steve rogers #captain america #pre-endgame #steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #writing #wow so uh #I hope this isn't horrible #but it might be?#open to any/all criticism #for real #thanks #I love you guys

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zeldauniverse · 5 years

Text

If you played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, you know that one of the game’s vital features is cooking. The possibilities felt endless; you can cook many combinations of food and get a seemingly endless number of results.

Have you ever wanted to taste some of the cooked food you cooked in Breath of the Wild? The Legend’s Cookbook is the gateway to those fantasies. The Legend’s Cookbook is a Legend of Zelda inspired cookbook featuring recreations of the amazing dishes from games we enjoy so much.

We sat down with three of the team members behind The Legend’s Cookbook, and they shared their thoughts about the cookbook and what readers (and eaters!) can look forward to.

Zelda Universe: What made you decide to create a Legend of Zelda inspired cookbook?

Peter Abreu, Lead Chef: There were a lot of factors that went into us wanting to do this. People are spending more money eating out than cooking at home, and we can start to change that trend. We figure if we make cooking something fun, uncomplicated and interesting, we can really change people’s lives.

We love the Zelda series, we’re huge fans. We are in love with the stories, characters and art style. Do you know what is at the very core of that series? Being a hero and saving the world. All of us on the team want to do something like that. The absolute goal here is that one of the recipes in this book becomes a staple in someone’s diet, that it changes the way they go about their dietary lifestyle and their life improves from that change. If we manage to do that, then we’ve done it.

We want everyone to cook like a hero, what better place to draw inspiration from than a series that brought that concept so near and dear to our hearts?

Matt Mannheimer, Producer: It’s one of those things where you play something and you’re like “what if that was real?” That was some of our mindsets when wanting to make some of these inspired recipes from the games. From there we poured our heart into it. With our passion for gaming and the [Zelda] series in general, it made us do our research and figure out what will be the perfect fit for these recipes.

ZU: What types of recipes and foods from the Zelda series are you taking inspiration from?

Peter: The recipes in this cookbook are original, real world recipes inspired by The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. We have baked goods, breakfast foods, dinner items, healthy snacks, sweet desserts and so much more! We’re starting with 50 recipes and we want to add even more as stretch goals. For those stretch goals, we are going to add things like cocktails, more creative dishes, and even recipes inspired by the other games in the Zelda series.

Matt: This whole cookbook is from the perspective of the hero. The hero recollecting his time from his adventure, writing down these recipes, fighting monsters, going through dungeons. You know the whole drill! That’s what makes it special; it’s a cookbook that has a story behind it. Not just in the gaming world, but also in real life. If you have enjoyed Mother’s Cookbook or Batter’s Almanac, you’re probably going to enjoy this one.

ZU: Will this cookbook be enjoyed by those who may not know the Zelda franchise?

Peter: Absolutely, we like to keep cooking simple and accessible. This is not going to be a cookbook only for Zelda fans. This cookbook is not going to bash people over the head with references and in-jokes but there will be several subtle allusions and (literal) Easter eggs. We want this to be a guide for everyone, newcomers and veterans to the kitchen and the Zelda series.

The ultimate compliment is for someone to fall in love with the recipes, art, and photos in our cookbook, first, and then realize it draws a lot of inspiration from their favorite series, second.

Matt: You don’t have to know everything about the [Zelda] series to get into this book. I feel its for everyone. I definitely don’t know everything about the [Zelda] series, but whenever I look at these recipes, and the pictures, I’m drawn into it. There are recipes that range from easy to difficult, but they’re so much fun to make. They’re fun to make and are all delicious.

Patrick Deasy, Photographer: I’m probably the biggest normie of the bunch, I’m not much of a gamer. I’ve been able to try out these recipes and I can tell you from an outsiders perspective that this is definitely a cookbook first and a piece of nerd memorabilia later.

ZU: If you had to recommend a recipe to somebody who may be new to cooking, what would it be?

Peter: The rock-hard candy. Our rock candy recipe is simple and delicious. You can do it at home, it’s super easy and very enjoyable. This is for all those with a sweet tooth. Here, I’ll share it with you:

Rock Hard Candy

Ingredients:

2 Cups of White Sugar

1 Cup of Water

3/4 Cup of Light Corn Syrup

1/4 Cup of Pomegranate Juice

Powdered Sugar for Dusting

Directions:

In a saucepan, combine sugar, water, and corn syrup.

Heat up the pan over medium heat, stirring constantly, until the white sugar is dissolved completely with the water and corn syrup. It is important to stir gently after sugar has dissolved to prevent burning, Use a candy thermometer to watch the temperature of the mixture and let it hit to the hard crack stage of 300F (149C).

Once there, remove from it from heat and add in the pomegranate juice, slowly. Mix it in.

Then, pour the hot candy into a 9”x9” baking pan covered in parchment paper that’s been dusted with powdered sugar, so the candy doesn’t stick. Leave it out in the open air uncovered and let the candy harden and cool completely.

Then the fun part, break into chunks with a hammer and then enjoy.

Matt: The Legends Cookbook is here to give you a culinary adventure: just go for it. If there’s a recipe you really wanna make, just do it. Even if it doesn’t turn out the way you want it the first time, just keep trying. With these recipes, we just want you to become a better chef.

ZU: Which recipe from this cookbook are you most excited about?

In The Legend’s Cookbook, the Dubious Food tastes really good; a lot more than you would expect. It’s even pixilated, like in Breath of the Wild!

Peter: The recipe I am most excited for is the one inspired by Dubious Food. It was the very first item I wanted to try and make in the kitchen. It was something just so disgusting yet edible, it was a fun idea and I wanted to make it. It was hard but I really enjoyed all different ways to make the food turn purple and look gross yet taste amazing. The final product just came out so great and it tasted delicious.

I pulled heavily from learning how to cook coq au vin from Anthony Bourdain and his show Parts Unknown. He was a was a huge inspiration for me as a chef. I really resonated with him because, like him, I spent a lot of my traveling the world, learning different cultures and food. I wanted to bring that same spirit of travel and exploration, a concept also very core to the Zelda series, to this cookbook as well as honor him with one of my favorite dishes he made. Hours upon hours in the kitchen later, I’ve created a questionable but inviting twist on coq au vin that you will all enjoy.

Matt: The meaty rice balls. I couldn’t stop eating them! They were so good! I don’t know how Peter does it, but that meat was the most delicious thing I ever tasted. It’s sweet, it’s GOOD.

Patrick: This is pretty basic, but I was pretty amazed when I got to see Peter make the fried rice for a couple of the dishes. I’ve never been able to do it right, so knowing that it’s in the cookbook is pretty exciting for me. Also the Rock Hard Food is pretty rad. It’s like a hard candy that’s flavored with pomegranate juice and it’s great. Meaty Rice balls are fantastic. It’s spicy and sweet and wonderful. I almost forgot about the Dubious Food, that one is awesome. That one is definitely my favorite.

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ZU: How will this cookbook stand out from other video game inspired cookbooks?

Peter: Our cookbook stands out from other cookbooks because it has a unique style and page layout. Have you opened a modern cookbook recently? Go to your local Target and find your way to the book section and look for their book section. Find a cookbook on the shelf and pick it up, look at it. You see beautiful food and a recipe. That’s usually it.

Our cookbook stands out because from the very inception, we are designing it like a field guide. In the margins are little watercolor drawings of stunning vistas, charcoal studies of various herbs and plants, little notes tucked in here or there. Our cookbook is rough around the edges and that’s the point, we want it to feel like you’ve found something personal and real when you pick it up. We want you to bust out your own pen and inks and add to it, there’s space! This may be our cookbook but we want you to make it your cookbook.

Matt: This project consists of a group of best friends; we’re all working on this together; we’re on the same wavelength. But were also big fans of the [Zelda] series and gaming in general. Were putting time into each and every recipe. I know Peter has done countless hours of research on every single recipe.

Everyone on our team is professional; we have several animation students. We have someone who worked on the Archer (the TV show), we have someone who worked from SEGA, that’s me! This team has come from different sides of the gaming, animation and art community. I feel like our relationships show from this cookbook.

Patrick: The thing that really separates this cookbook, I know I’ve been saying this a lot, but most video game cookbook’s I’ve seen have been very novelty, and most of them are just decoration guides for baked goods. This is not just a novelty decoration guide, we are not internet celebrities, we are a bunch of people who just really care about cooking.

ZU: A Kickstarter for this cookbook is coming up (May 2019); why should people support and back this project?

Peter: We hope, we really do hope, that people support our project. This is going to be something you’ll want to show other people and it is going to inspire you to cook for them as well. If you like cooking, if you like games or you want to just have a real piece of art to hang out on your bookshelf, this is for you.

Matt: The Kickstarter were hoping to have that up in May. We’re working really hard on this, we’re trying to make recipes that everyone can enjoy; a culinary adventure. This is one of my favorite projects I got to work on my entire life. The food is SO good. I’m serious about those meaty rice balls! I feel like with the team, partnering with TheYetee and the recipes, this will make for an amazing product.

We’re also working with The Yetee on this project! They will help with distribution, fulfillment, back rewards. I think partnering with TheYetee was amazing, and you’re gonna see a lot of stuff in the future that we’re excited to show off.

Patrick: If you wanted to know what the foods tasted like in Breath of the Wild, this is pretty much the closest you’re gonna get.

ZU: Anything else you want to share about the Zelda cookbook project?

Peter: We have so much more to tell but we want to save a few secrets. I’ll tell you what is no secret, we’ve partnered with The Yetee to help fulfill backer rewards and also produce a few of them. They are an amazing company and we are so happy to work with them. They’re gonna be a big help.

Here’s something that is a secret, but I’ll share it with you. We have a discord server that people can join and hang out in. People are invited to join, cook with us, and go on a culinary adventure! Here’s the invite: discord.gg/wGznSn9. It’s a secret, tell everyone.

Matt: We’re opening our public discord right now! If you wanna chat with the team, look at behind the scenes content, talk about the cookbook, join up in our server! We’ll also have a Twitter and Instagram open to check out. We really wanna hear from everyone.

Patrick: We’re trustworthy dudes and definitely Not A Scam ™ :^) Our discord is neat :^)

Thanks to Peter, Matt, and Patrick for taking time out of their schedule for the interview. We hope you’re looking forward to their upcoming cookbook project. A Kickstarter for The Legend’s Cookbook is launching mid-May; we will continue to share new details as they are announced. We will update with a link to the Kickstarter campaign after it begins.

If you’d like to communicate with the people behind the cookbook project, you can follow them on Twitter or join their Discord server. The team is always looking to engage with patrons, food lovers and Zelda fans alike.

Cook like a Hero: An interview with the team behind The Legend’s Cookbook If you played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, you know that one of the game’s vital features is cooking.

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sirfrogsworth · 6 years

Photo

Here’s a hot take from conservative pundit and massive transphobe music fan, Ben Shapiro. Normally I would tackle the more serious topics Ben discusses, but this really felt like it deserved a response.

Though, if I wanted to take a more serious angle, I suppose I could make the argument that rap is a huge part of the black community’s cultural identity & heritage and by belittling it, Ben is insulting and diminishing one of a marginalized group’s main creative outlets used to communicate their struggles.

But that would be racist!

Ben isn’t racist!

He is constantly explaining over and over just how not-racist he is. Which is what all non-racists have to do. Right?

So this has nothing to do with racism and Ben has some solid FACTS explaining why.

HE LIKES JAZZ, OKAY?

AND OPINIONS ARE NEVER RACIST... I GUESS?

EVEN THOUGH HE SAID IT WAS A FACT.

THAT WAS LIKE THE FIRST THING HE SAID.

“FACT:”

I’M SO CONFUSED AND I THINK I’m going to turn capslock off now.

To be clear, this will just be a casual, not-serious analysis of Ben’s totally not-racist FACT that rap is not-music.

Let’s get this not-party started...

You see, Ben is famous for his motto, “Facts don’t care about your feelings.”

He’s even leveraged his factual wisdom and made it into merchandise.

That’s a real thing people can buy. It even has 6 whole reviews on Amazon!

Amazon customer Beyond the Box rated it with 3 stars saying, “It's okay but small.”

(Aww, okay but small! Just like the 5′9″ brainchild who coined the phrase.)

Reviewer Tim S. described the shirt’s fit as, “Liberals are destroying the country.”

(I’m pretty sure that means it’s a tad itchy. Helpful review, Tim!)

Before I saw Ben’s factual tweet, I really FELT like rap was an amazing musical artform. It took poetry and made it musical. It gave people a new way to express themselves that didn’t require expensive music lessons or even instruments. You didn’t even have to be able to sing! A friend could just bang out a beat on a table while you let those rhymes flow. It made creating music more accessible. And as long as you had decent rhythm you could participate. It FELT groundbreaking at the time.

The very first cassette tape I bought was Good Vibrations by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. (I know that isn’t a great start, but I was like 10, okay?) The very first compact disc I bought was 2 Legit 2 Quit by MC Hammer. (Don’t laugh, he was the bomb in 1991.) As I reached my formative years, I started listening to DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince, Beastie Boys, and House of Pain.

I jump’d around. (squeeEEEEEee)

But as some of you may have noticed, most of my musical selections were very mainstream. You’ve probably also noticed that I am very... white.

I think it is a chronic condition.

My skin is nearly translucent due to lack of sunlight. I often say things like “indubitably” and “bloviate” and “I’m sure this chicken will be fine with minimal seasoning.” And at one point I owned the entire Creed discography.

Before I get “those” comments... I am not ashamed of my whiteness. Nor am I guilty about it. I was just in desperate need of a hip-hop education.

Using the official Rules of Republican Conduct™, if I want to talk with authority about something with a racial component, all I need is a single black friend.

Interesting Froggie Fun Fact... I went to a mostly black high school!

Check this out...

That’s TWO black friends!

Shawn is the one teaching me a complicated handshake I instantly forgot. And Marcus is photobombing us in the back there.

I wish I could say our school was super progressive and everyone got along dandy. But in the mid-90s that just wasn’t the case. There were no major conflicts, but a lot of the white kids would sort of... self-segregate. They’d all choose lockers in the same alcove. They’d sit in the same area at lunch and in class. Cross-fraternization was rare unless an extracurricular activity was involved. And not a lot of them would interact with black kids outside of school.

That said, I did not get the segregation memo. I talked to and got along with everyone. I’m not saying I was some amazing colorblind trailblazer crossing racial boundaries at every turn. My locker was in the white section too. And I only had two black friends (not pictured) that I hung out with outside of school.

But I do think humor can break down a lot of barriers. And I used comedy to cross those invisible lines from time to time.

Do you remember “Yo Mama” jokes?

Like uhhh... Yo mama so old, her social security number is 1. Yo mama so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window and let the wind blow it. Yo mama so classless, she’s a Marxist utopia.

You get it.

Before school or before class, a lot of kids would have these competitions. They would face off with their best motherly insults and typically the person who received the loudest “OH DAAAAAAMMMMN!” would be declared the winner.

One day I just kind of decided to make fun of Shawn’s mama. Perhaps a risky move in hindsight, but when I think of a good joke, I’m compelled to set it free with reckless abandon.

After a few seconds of stunned silence I got the loudest OH DAMN of anyone.

We were instantly friends.

And then his friends were my friends too! It’s a moment even my electroshock therapy could not erase.

Again, I wasn’t disrupting the rampant self-segregation or affecting major change at our school. Our friendship didn’t go outside the school premises. It ended after graduation and I have no idea what they’re up to these days. But it was still a lot of fun joking around with them when we were supposed to be doing homework.

After my acceptance into the group, Shawn and I started a sort of cultural exchange. He would tell me about all of the amazing music he was into. And I explained why Batman: The Animated Series was not a kid’s cartoon. IT WAS ANIMATION. (I was unusually sensitive about that in high school.)

He introduced me to a wide range of artists of color. Old and new (at the time). We talked about Boyz II Men, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Prince. He introduced me to Mary J Blige who I follow to this day. And Aaliyah :(

He also taught me all about not-music.

You know... rappers.

I’ll be honest, sometimes this was challenging for me. I did not like or understand everything he suggested. I had a lot of racist baggage leftover from an all-white Catholic elementary school (some of which still lingers deep in my subconscious) and my brain resisted for longer than I care to admit. But after seeing Shawn’s passion for this not-music, I became rap-curious and willing to keep an open mind.

Let me try to name-drop from memory...

Puff Daddy, Lauryn Hill, Wu-Tang Clan, Naughty By Nature, Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, Dr. Dre, Biggie Smalls, Ice Cube, and some guy named Tupac Shakur. You’ve probably never heard of him.

He’d even sneak a Walkman in his backpack so he and his friends could sample his latest acquisitions.

He’d be like, “Hey Ben, you want to listen to some Master P?” And I’d be like, “Sure! You wanna listen to Nine Inch Nails?” And he’d be like, “Naw, I’m good.”

Okay, so the cultural exchange could be a bit one-sided at times.

But Batman bonded us all.

When I was at home, I still mostly listened to Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Stone Temple Pilots on repeat. I am not trying to present myself as this epic rap connoisseur. And I do not listen to a great deal of hip-hop these days. Mostly due to lack of guidance. I don’t have a Shawn in my life anymore.

Shawn was able to get me to a place where even if I didn’t like what I was listening to, I understood why other people enjoyed it. Rap had this amazing history spanning decades. It always reflected society back on itself and provided relatable experiences for people who were underrepresented in other forms of media.

You don’t have to like something to understand why it is important.

I learned to truly appreciate rap and many of Shawn’s suggestions made an appearance on my super rad 90s Winamp playlist.

Sometimes when I was having a bad day, it was nice to have a good day to fall back on.

So when I was very whitely bobbing my head to the beat of that communal Walkman, I didn’t think my friends were stupid. I didn’t think I was stupid. I didn’t FEEL stupid.

But facts are facts. And my feels about facts don’t matter.

So who is this Ben Shapiro: God of Facts?

Ben Shapiro is known for being a master debater. You can find videos of him CRUSHING LIBRULS WITH LOGIC. Or DESTROYING FEMINISTS with TRU FACTS. Perhaps even DEMOLISHING SOCIALISTS with STATISTICS.

At least that is what his YouTube video titles want you to think.

Yeesh.

I think these delightful titles started with his fanboys. They’d get all orgasmic after witnessing some “amazing” rebuttal and then post these clips with promises of a verbal massacre. But, in a show of pure ego, Ben decided he would also follow this naming convention and he now titles his own videos the same way.

That’s not at all cringy, Ben. You’re just being meta! Contributing to a meme everyone loves. No one thinks it is sad.

I made a compilation of Ben’s greatest titles of DESTRUCTION which you can find here.

Some notable examples...

First, we have Ben facing off against his OWN WIFE! Who is a totally real person and A DOCTOR.

Did you know his wife is a doctor? You can tell by the title. And the description. And by the stock image of a lady doctor he used instead of an actual picture of his wife... who is a doctor.

It’s actually an obnoxious adorable video in which he recalls an amusing anecdote about his sitcom marriage... to a doctor. His “hilarious” story (as described by the video description) is all about how he gets angry at his doctor wife for losing her phone. And when they find out it was under her seat the whole time, he suggests wanting to murder her and hide her body in a lake. SO HILARIOUS!

Also, if you wish to purchase Ben Shapiro’s doctor wife (who is a... nurse?), it is $65 for Standard Definition.

Sometimes Ben’s clever clickbait titling system backfires a little.

When I initially read these I thought Ben had solved some major societal problems.

Wow! Thanks, Ben! Those issues were really escalating lately and it was getting scary. Because of you, there is no more racism. No more privilege. Just pure equality. I feel like an updated version of Imagine is due.

Other times these titles kinda make Ben seem like a mass murderer.

I’ve got some sad news. All of your favorite musicians are dead.

They will be missed.

And then my favorite one of all...

Apparently Ben used time travel to go back and ANNIHILATE SOCIALISM at the source.

Yes, Ben loves to debate. He just can’t help himself. His big Harvard brain is pretty relentless when it comes to DESTROYMOLISHING The Left.

He’s great at taking standard conservative talking points, couching them in academic speak, and peppering them with dubious facts that don’t always hold up to scrutiny afterward.

In some of his videos, he’ll take statements out of context, misrepresent people’s arguments, and then deliver a rant he has had plenty of time to prepare for. Unlike the amazing Shaun, who makes sure to present the opposing argument as truthfully as possible while even encouraging people to watch the original video he is critiquing.

I will give Ben credit in one regard. He does actually argue with people face to face on a regular basis. But more often than not, his “debates” are not actually that spectacular. One side makes their points. Ben makes his points. And people will perceive a “victory” based on what they personally believe.

Like if Ben says “ABORTION BAD!” and you also think “ABORTION BAD!” then you’d be like, he totally CRUSHED that SJW BABY KILLER.

But, in the end, the issue is still stuck in a stalemate as it has been for decades.

Being good at debate prep does not make Ben correct. He is just very confident in his wrongness.

Ben rarely goes into a situation where he doesn’t know what topics he will be discussing. He also knows pretty much every question he could possibly be asked. Some might even argue Ben often cherry picks his opponents and the subject matter, creates scenarios and chooses platforms where his point of view will be well received, and uses bad faith tactics to give the appearance of the upper hand. Then that is all polished and edited to make perfect YouTube soundbites.

But all of that is speculation and this post is about FACTS.

Ben’s facts are just too powerful to dispute. I doubt anyone is up to the challenge. Not even a transgender woman with epic makeup, glorious costumes, creative lighting schemes, and a degree in philosophy could take him to task.

It’s just... unpossible.

*cough* Contrapoints *cough*

Sorry, had a froggie in my throat.

SO... now that we know Ben is a Harvard educated 5′9″ agent of DESTRUCTION, let’s see him defend “rap isn’t music” using his fancy debating skillz.

It took him 6 years to come up with this, so I’m betting it’s bulletproof.

Ben Shapiro DESTROYGASMS hip-hop with UNDERWHELMING TWEET.

CHECKMATE, RAPPERS!

WAIT, I GET IT.

He plays CLASSICAL music.

If you’ll allow me to expound his logic, being a classically trained musician makes you more special than a regular musician. It makes him an arbiter of what is and is not music. I forgot that classical musicians were automatically given that power.

I know Ben only ever presents facts, so I’d like to take him at his word, but I think I’d like to see this music meister perform something. Just to be sure he has the proper classical credentials to make these bold claims.

Here is a music video he produced for The Daily Wire. It’s clearly a high budget homage to one of the most thrilling television themes in recent history.

youtube

Did anyone else feel like they were watching 3 emotionless robots play the blandest arrangement ever conceived?

Or was that just me?

SUCH ENERGY.

I will say, those special effects were... something.

And Ben really PWNED CNN. I’m sure they felt that slice all the way in their Atlanta headquarters.

Ben, if you’re reading this, that video was totally funny in the way you intended. People are definitely laughing with you and not at you. I didn’t cringe even a little.

But does this prove that Ben is a proper CLASSICAL musician? With all the power and privileges that entails?

Does he have the authority to judge musical worthiness?

Despite his robotic performance, I suppose he did hit all the correct notes and everything.

Is music like facts? Does music care about your feelings?

I think what we need is a comparison. Something we can judge Ben’s performance against in order to gauge his level of classical musicianship.

This is Tina Guo.

She is a Chinese-American immigrant from Shanghai. She moved here at the age of 5. She probably was able to sneak in because there wasn’t a border wall yet. She is taking the jobs of American classical musicians. Which is probably why Ben isn’t in a top-tier symphony orchestra as we speak.

Tina is a cello prodigy who was trained classically. She attended the USC Thornton School of Music for professional cello studies on a full scholarship where she studied under Nathaniel Rosen and Eleonore Schoenfeld--some of the most influential cellists of the 20th century.

As a teenager, she made a huge splash on YouTube by casually playing Flight of the Bumblebee. No biggie. I’m sure Ben can play that too.

Oh, and do you remember that badass Wonder Woman theme written by famous composer Hans Zimmer?

That was her playing the lead.

Now for the comparison.

Watch Librul Immigrant DESTROY the Game of Thrones theme that she produced, recorded, and arranged ALL BY HERSELF without the help of a BIG STRONG MAN.

youtube

I don’t know.

I think that was a smidge better than Ben’s version.

What do you folks think?

So here is the dilemma.

We have two CLASSICAL musicians who are at nearly identical skill levels...

HOWEVER... after some investigation...

It’s possible Tina Guo thinks rap... might be music.

*GASP*

THE EVIDENCE

One of her favorite ways to practice improvisation is to jam along with hip-hop backing tracks she finds on YouTube.

Now, conservatives like Ben LOVE dictionary definitions. It’s their go-to debate tactic when trying to legitimize the idea that there is “racism” toward white folks. So let’s use the dictionary really quick.

When I looked up what this “jamming” word meant, it sent me to “jam session.”

I was shocked by what I found.

Musicians? MUSIC? But those backing tracks she practiced with are used for rap non-music.

BEN I AM CONFUSED.

I think I need to dig deeper. TO GOOGLE!

After scouring the internet for almost 2 minutes I was able to find something even more shocking.

Here is LIBRUL CLASSICAL SNOWFLAKE IMMIGRANT FEMINIST MUSICIAN sharing the stage with a NON-MUSIC RAP ARTIST CUCK.

That kinda looks like Tina Guo... and LUPE FIASCO.

*DOUBLE GASP*

And I’ve double checked this... it seems this Lupe fellow is definitely a rapper.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

I mean, she has her cello. And he has a microphone. But it’s a FACT that rap isn’t music. So I guess they are doing some experimental anti-music performance together.

ANOTHER SHOCKING IMAGE HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION AFTER ANOTHER 12 SECONDS OF GOOGLING.

What the heck, Tina?

Why are you, A CLASSICAL MUSICIAN, on a stage with Common? Another rapper!

I’m a little worried Tina might be stupid.

Ben’s FACT clearly states if you think rap is music, then you are stupid.

And not only is Tina playing music near a rapper... I’m pretty sure she is playing music WITH a rapper.

That’s like... double stupid.

I really don’t know what to feel about these facts I’ve uncovered.

These FACTS kinda FEEL like bullshit.

I’m probably wrong.

Or maybe it is a fluke!

All of Ben Shapiro’s other facts have been incontrovertible.

For instance, I can take comfort in the absolute fact that Ben Shapiro is a solid 5 feet 9 inches tall. It gives me solace knowing he can ride any roller coaster he wants.

Sick burn, Ben. Though you’re kind of implying that when Milo sees you he is giving you blowjobs. I’m sure you’re fine with that implication. It’s not like you’re homophobic or anything, right? You keep saying you aren’t over and over again.

The important thing is that everyone knows you’re a big boy. Two inches taller than Napoleon! Small but okay!

I mean, it would be silly to lie about such a thing so easily disproved, right? And there is nothing to be ashamed of if you are a shorter individual. My mom is short and I think she’s the best!

So I’m confident you are 5′9″ as you have stated.

I CAN’T FEEL ANY MORE FACTS, BEN.

MY SOUL CAN’T TAKE IT.

You know what... screw it.

I’m going to make this a little serious.

Not liking rap isn’t racist.

Telling people they are stupid for liking rap is super racist.

And being too stubborn to apologize for a 6-year-old tweet compounds that racism.

Liking jazz is just the musical version of “I have a black friend.”

Not understanding that rap is a cultural staple vital to the black community and then comparing it to frickin’ Titanic makes it profoundly racist.

And... *takes a deep breath* continually defending a shitty 6-year-old tweet as recent as last July, even though you could probably just apologize, blame it on youthful ignorance, delete it, and never have to deal with it again, just because you can’t admit you ever said anything wrong...

Well, that just makes you look...

#you are a blight on the name Benjamin #trigger warning #racism #transphobia #long post

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permian-tropos · 6 years

Note

comparing someone who doesn't like a movie to the alt-right is kinda...mean. considering those very same people might be the victims of the alt-right.

I appreciate your concern, but I’m not talking about people who don’t like a movie. Every single “here’s why TLJ was garbage” post and youtube video and twitter rant is valid (except when it’s bigotry). You watched the movie, you had an opinion, your opinion is real.

Here’s the connection to the alt-right. 1) The alt-right formed a campaign to pull people in and tell them “the things you hate about this movie are because the cultural Marxists want to kill the things you love and promote minorities and women”. People who could be swayed by this are not the bulk of the TLJ antis on tumblr! But their reasons for hating the movie diffuse into the main hate mob and that mob amplifies the alt-right agenda BECAUSE… 2) the alt-right’s tactics have been used, excused, enabled by the specific “people who didn’t like the movie” I’m criticizing.

Ad hominem attacks on creators, standing by while these attacks happen because they give vicarious pleasure or because one can’t bring oneself to care, victim-blaming (saying Jason Fry and Pablo Hidalgo, who did not write TLJ, “brought it on themselves” for simply being there when the evil Rian Johnson made reylo ambiguous), and not trying to find any good things in the film like

*clears throat*

the casting of a Vietnamese-American actress to play a character whose backstory reflects the Vietnam War, identifying the capitalist war machine as the real enemy, giving an arc for every POC that wasn’t about them supporting a white character (white characters were supporting their arcs), criticizing elitism and the idea your bloodline makes you special, never sexually objectifying Rey or any other female character don’t argue this okay being in a sexually charged situation is not the same as objectification there are subjects as well as objects and if you forgot what eyecandy for men looks like please refer to Emilia Clarke’s character in Solo, having a female character who isn’t white and also isn’t thin…

You see, none of these individual things deserve to be swept under the hate rug because no movie will replicate everything TLJ did good and everything TLJ did bad. No one has to express any overall love for the movie to make it known that these elements are good and should be repeated elsewhere!

People think that if they hate the movie loud enough, Lucasfilm will listen to them re: POC, queer rep, depicting healthy romantic relationships, etc. But they are not the loudest detractors, and if LF takes criticism into account, they’ll start with the reactionaries, not with the progressives. They’ll remove the women and POC and push right-wing messages.

This idea of “you can’t compare them to the alt-right” comes from false equivalency about the morality of people’s causes. It comes from people using allegations of hypocrisy to discredit the oppressed standing up to oppressors. I’m not thinking of this as hypocrisy, and I’m not trying to discredit the cause of social justice. And I will defend victims of the alt-right against the alt-right! Good thing Star Wars Episode 8 The Last Jedi isn’t alt-right. When the alt-right tried to co-opt Marvel’s Black Panther, claiming it was pro-ethnostate, they were obviously full of shit, but it tells me that they see Marvel’s politics as a better entry point. They don’t want to disown Marvel, they want to co-opt it. But they want to disown Star Wars. Disney owns both Marvel and SW so I wouldn’t be surprised if they let one be more overall conservative and one be more overall liberal to rake in both audiences. It’s all a machine, partner. But at the very least we don’t have to get confused about which is left and which is right.

I spent a lot of time listening to TLJ critical opinions because I thought there must be something I’m missing. But something I could not deny was happening as I revisited the film over and over:

- The movie was making me sympathize with Kylo less, and take less interest in the villains overall.

- The movie made me more actively appreciative of the Resistance side.

- I was more intrigued by every character who was “sidelined” or “not treated right”.

- I was becoming fascinated over and over by ideas the movie seemed to be conveying, and the more I looked for meaning, the more I found it.

- Literally every agenda that the detractors claimed the movie was pushing was the opposite of what the movie was doing to me. Either the movie was having this effect on me accidentally, or it was a good movie that richly conveyed its point.

No, I don’t intend to be mean to anyone. I intend to critique actions I think are self-defeating.

None of us should ever assume that all our actions are rational self interest. And besides the fact that the comparisons to the alt-right seem apt here, how else am I suppose to communicate “I think you’re unintentionally doing something wrong here” if I don’t say “people who mean you harm do this thing on purpose”?

You’re basically telling me, and I understand this point, “don’t assume you know better than them, maybe they’re right and you’re wrong”. And you know what, I would hate to act against my own interests here! My interests and most of the liberal TLJ detractors’ interests are aligned. I’m going to assume, though, that I’m not presenting manipulative or well-poisoning or truth-obscuring ideas. Since you’ve come with concerns that my statements have been harmful (ie. that they disparage victims of bigotry as “the same” as their oppressors), I hope this longer post addresses that.

I also think the mentality on tumblr that “victims can’t be victimizers” or “victims can’t make mistakes” is deeply flawed. I think we should all respect and pay attention to what marginalized groups say about their own experiences. But when it comes to solutions, I look to people of marginalized groups who have expertise. I will consider the opinions of random tumblr users but I won’t adhere to them as superior insight. I can’t assume they’re experts because I’m not an expert in things that victimize me!

And I don’t look to Star Wars fan discourse for the most complete picture on systemic oppression.

Call this a wild conclusion but if victimizing groups of people didn’t disrupt their ability to advocate for themselves and have solidarity with each other, and instead made them extremely good at those things, would systemic oppression ever work?

#my post #asks #no I don't think this ask has a very nuanced criticism but I understand its concern #and I'll take it in good faith #tlj discourse #long post

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dougmeet · 4 years

Audio

Dog Police

Nobody knows who you are...until now

Dog Police nobody knows who you are ... until now! PLUS 1-800 WATCH Memphis' Strangest Video https://t.co/JC8H3PADrx https://t.co/eSKKNDYRG3 — mrjyn (@mrjyn) 12 septembre 2019

Dog Police 1-800

I finally became friends with the leader of the Dog Police.

Met him, interviewed him.

The video I uploaded has long since been taken down, but it became my most popular Video

I ever posted at the time...

Thanks, Sam Shoup for your cooperation and kind words....

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING ABOUT DOG POLICE

In 1985, at Memphis studio 485 Hollywood Memphis

The Dog Police

recorded an hilarious song, then video, showcasing their

canine-teeth approach to Memphis music.

Also known as The Tony Thomas Trio, the group featured, Tony Thomas Tom Leanardo

Sam Shoup

Dog Police Comments and info

I thought this clip was lost for eternity. I'm forever grateful and thank you for this gem.

Sam Shoup puppy is from Memphis, Tennessee. the old Shoe Productions. I was there!

Never heard of William Macy.

lly is an entire album of satirical songs called simply "Dog Police". I've been trying to explain this video to people for about 1,000 years. Thank you for confirming the fact that my brain did not make this song and video up.

The keyboard player looks like William H. Macy. My god. It's like Hurra Torpedo, Devo and Blue Öyster Cult got together for a side project. THIS is my YouTube account. We all know that furriers are flapping it to the dog-girl in this video. HOLY CRAP!! I have not seen this video since 198-freakin'-4! I actually came to think that I had just imagined the whole thing. Thank you for providing me with proof that I was not nearly as deranged as I thought I was! i just shat myself in fear I remember "1 800" also.

I thought I was the only one in the world who remembered this video? it took 2nd place behind RAIL in the MTV Video Contest back in like 1982?

THAT DOG CHICK WAS HOT AM I RITE GUYS?

no, you are, in fact, quite wrong, my friend. she was a cat.

Digney Fignus won.

His video is posted on YouTube. Just search for his name and you'll find,

The Girl With the Curious Hand

It makes me remind La Máquina del Rock in Lima city, Perú. Thanks! i do member this.. but i still don't get it i do like the drug fragrance though they said they were the ART BARF FAR ARR This was the video that SHOULD have won the "MTV's Basement Tapes" contest back in about 1982. It is so crazy and imaginative! Instead, some heavy metal group made up of 10 year olds won. GAG... how "cute." It was such a rip-off. This video is a classic! But it came in second place. That has made me mad for all these years. Hopefully these artists have had success elsewhere. The band was honestly called: "The Dog Police!" The band they lost to was called Trak. I remember them because they were featured in LIFE magazine's edition on teenagers in 1984. Google them and the name Derita, because Trak was like a Leif Garrett butt-gawk Partridge Family. I can't find a thing on them. Digney Fignus and Guadalcanal Diary also had entries that year. Dog Police was ROBBED, I tells ya. I totally agree! DP were robbed! The basement tapes were voted in by callers - the band that won had their entire community on the phone that night hitting the redial button. hen this video first came out and MTV was cool, a bunch of us single bachelors had this as our theme song. Woof Woof Woof...were they think-in? glad i was born when DA 80s was nearly over. reminds me of fat weird cartoon cop dog "scruff gruff" 'take a bite out of crime' now we just need someone to post the video for "1-800." Oh man, I never forgot this video, I can't believe I got to see it again. I can die happy now. Totally fucked up, but happy. Truly amazing. MTV used to be so ahead of its time. Basement tapes are YouTube Music 24 years before YouTube ever happened. Dog Police forever! Nobody knows who we are! HOLY SHIT, 20 bloody be damned years i've been looking for this video No shit. I saw this way back in the day and used to tell everyone about it and could never find it. This kicks my uncles ass. actually cut (edited) this song and produced the video and hes in it when the dog police are walking in the bar hes the one dancing all crazy on the far left wow cool! I've totally giggled at him a million times. he actually did a lot of stuff back then he was a camera man for the Mikey mouse club and he did all the audio for hustle and flow and he is currently working on black snake moan fortunately the departments he work in don't make him fa-mouse Are you talking about Andy? Yes I know Andy & Linda very well. Tell him "Wags" said hello. No the work that we stagehands do carries no fame or solaces but quite often, at the end of the day, we end up making more than the performers and, ask your uncle, WE ARE GOD. If I don't like you one little turn of a dial can make your audience not like you tee gee. All you Dog Police fans will be pleased to know Andrew Sullivan linked to this. OH MY GOD! I can't believe it! I've been looking for this for years. GOD BLESS YOU! I was starting to think I made this up in my head. Dear god. I suspected that I'd imagined this for years because I saw it as a tyke and when I tried to explain it to people they would do little but blankly stare at me. I've had the chorus of this song running through my head since 1983. me too. ;) that makes 3 of us. That makes 4 of us. These guys are now playing with The Jumpiness Chi Chi's That is the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life. Just straight up weirdness. For reals Is this supposed to make women feel badly about themselves? Like the theme of this is 'have a poor self-image' I think. Like you're so ugly you should be arrested. I've been looking all over for an mp3 of this song. Can anyone help me out? i have an MP3 of this song give me your Email and i will send it to you it'd LOVE AN mp3 OF THIS TOO....BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS VIDEO FOR OVER 20 YEARS NOW I actually finally roistered YouTube just so I could echo all the sentiments posted...I thought it was a figment of my imagination also. I'm also glad to see some people remember 1-800 also. The singer looked like a babushka with a corncob planted. Fay and lame. Was there another video from the 80's that has people wearing dog faces? I swear I vaguely remember another video (other than dog police) that involved people dressed like dogs singing. If someone knows what I'm talking about, please tell what the song was called. this video actually WON 1st prize in an MTV contest for unsigned bands. they were supposed to get a record contract out of the deal,which they probably did, but were then just told to forget it. At the time, everybody was shocked to see that they had won compared to more serious entries. But it was a people's vote that put it there, so go figure. Try not to take it too seriously. it's more at home on Dr. Memento or something. i saw that once back in the 80's and never thought it'd see that again. thanks for posting! i remember that... so trash so cool!! I never realized how much this sounded like Devo! I remember it. Dog Police, where are you comin' from? Dog Police, Nobody knows who you are! This also played on Night Flight, where I first recorded it. MTV (Mars candy company TV....those that were there will remember the Quincy Jones war against MTV's biggest advertiser, MARS, because they weren't playing enough Michael Jackson and it was ALL downhill from there)sucked only marginally less than it does now (except for Al TV). thanks for the video! The hubby pretty much thought I was retarded for singing about the Dog Police (he had never heard of them)...now he just pretty much thinks I'm retarded. yo solo se qe si no entiendes lo qe dizen esto es una mierda pintxada en un palo seko. Saluted. I remember watching this on USA's Night Flight - way back in the day. Thanks for posting! It came close to winning MTV's "Basement Tapes" contest, but it didn't win.

#SoundCloud #music #fionaapple

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jess-dw-sherman · 4 years

Text

Media Switch-Up: Instagram

Why I picked Instagram, and how it is new for me:

To preface this analysis – I have had an Instagram account for over 9 years. However, I very rarely post and stopped using it regularly at least 7 years ago. I’ve posted maybe one or two photos per year and am following essentially only my friends. Since this week’s topic of study was video, I thought it would be interesting to look at some of the newer functions of Instagram. When I got an account, it was a photo-only platform, and I don’t use the Story or IGTV functionalities. Additionally, I’ve never made an effort to look at what companies use Instagram or followed any that inspire me, so I wanted to analyze the platform’s users and the corporate presences that are the most successful.

In terms of usage, I maybe look at Instagram a couple of times a week. I am also notoriously bad at answering Direct Messages from friends (to be honest, I really don’t look at them at all and currently have 17 unread messages…). I thought it would be interesting to see how it is used by people outside of my group of friends, contacts, and occasional content I see from companies and public figures.

Wide range of content and some interesting functionalities

I thought I’d look at the discover section to see what would come up. It seemed mostly influenced by what I follow or have watched already, like a lot of cat videos or LGBTQ-related topics). There was also a selection of very random videos that I don’t completely understand, including one I forgot to screenshot but it seemed like a guy pretending to be a column in the NYC subway.

Author’s note: I do love cats and seeing people be confident in who they are, so I enjoyed these adorable posts.

Looking further into the different functionalities on the platform, I liked that Instagram has new options for content.

Shopping

I had no idea there was an entire shopping section, as it hadn’t occurred to me that that was a regular thing people do, other than the sponsored content you can see on your newsfeed. Looking at it, it is actually well organized and easy to use. This is a really interesting option for companies that sell products that appeal to a large range of consumers, especially since the headlining content on the Shopping homepage is titled “Buy on Instagram: shop without using a website.” It’s convenient that companies can link products to their account, so it would be easy for users to find them either through the shopping page or if they follow the company page.

IGTV

Instagram TV looks like it’s similar to YouTube. You can post videos that are up to 10 minutes long, and many of them seemed to be from companies or public figures and less personal content. It looks to me like a way for users to post longer videos (rather than the short ones available in regular posts).

Reels

I also had no idea what Instagram Reels were. Upon further inspection, it is a new functionality that was released only a couple of months ago and allows users to post shorter videos than IGTV. Honestly, this seems like a way for Instagram to compete with TikTok but it hasn’t been around long enough to see if it really makes an impact, although it is nice to have so many content format options (photo, clips, full videos, shopping, and more) all contained in one platform.

Who is using Instagram?

While I knew it would be interesting to do what - I hope - is insightful and useful analysis of Instagram since it is so widely used and has been around for a long time, one positive was that it was really easy to find clear statistics on many different demographics (much easier than for my previous Media Switch-Up on Medium!).

By Country

One thing I found interesting was the number of people who use Instagram by country. According to statistica.com, the U.S. is by far the country that uses Instagram the most at 130 million accounts, followed by India at 100 million. Considering the difference in population size between those two countries, a much larger percentage of Americans use Instagram than Indians. Europe also seems significantly less interested in Instagram, with the top EU country (at least until December of this year) being the U.K. at 27 million users, Germany with 25 million, Italy with 23 million, and France with 21 million.

Leading countries based on Instagram audience size as of July 2020

By Age

The age breakdown of users was less surprising. The largest categories of users are between the ages of 25-34 (33.3%) and 18-24 (29.3%), and the smallest group are users over the age of 65 (2.2%). On a personal note, I was a little bit happy to see that only 6.9% of users are ages 13-17 because I am still on the fence about how I feel in terms of young kids posting photos and videos of themselves without a full understanding of the permanence of their posts.

By Gender and Race

In terms of gender, usage seemed essentially equal for men and women, varying only by a few percentage points for each age category (see chart above). However, I think that in terms of the racial breakdown of users, it’s important to note that the Black and Latinx communities are more likely to use Instagram versus White people

On demographics

All of these factors would be important for a company to consider when developing their strategy and their content. Usage by country was most surprising for me – I thought the app was much more popular around the world. When considering Instagram in a corporate digital media strategy, it would be important to know that your reach with content on this platform may be very effective in the U.S., but much less so outside of America.

Most popular accounts on Instagram

Instagram’s account is the most popular on their site. While this may seem unsurprising – I thought that it was some sort of automatic follow situation, an easy account for new users to follow, or one of the first suggestions that new users see when they create their account – the company has actually marketed their account in an interesting way, by using it is a platform to promote for interesting accounts. A lot of the topics in their Story sections are social/cultural topics, such as Share Black Stories, Latinx Heritage, Pride 2020, Juneteenth, and their 2020 vision. There was also an assortment of positivity topics, such as Made us Smile, Guides (on a variety of subjects), Try This at Home, and Self-Care Tips.

The most popular accounts after Instagram are all celebrities, with the top five being Christiano Renaldo, Ariana Grande, The Rock, Kylie Jenner, and Selena Gomez. I’m not sure what I expected, but I did find it interesting that there are no other companies or organizations that fall in the top 20. While those 5 are all celebrities and these are their individual accounts, the variety in those 5 personas was also remarkable, and I feel reflects the diversity of users and interest that the platform includes.

Companies on Instagram

I don’t use Instagram to follow companies, although I have bought a couple of spontaneous (possibly ill-advised and unnecessary) products through sponsored content. Statistically, companies in the fashion industry are the most successful Instagram. Considering the style of a lot of photos that users post on Instagram, and the popularity of style influencers, this was not surprising. The top 5 companies on Instagram are Nike (by a large margin), Victoria’s Secret, Huda Beauty, Chanel, and Gucci.

From my research online, it looks like Lego is one of the most popular corporate accounts. I do love Lego, so I decided to follow them and was excited to look at their content.

Lego account contains mostly fun content (though I’m not sure what serious content people would be expecting in relation to Lego) and posts at least once a day, if not more. Their content is mostly video content and they have really taken advantage of the longer video format that IGTV offers. I am a big fan of Lego (and am now following them) because I found some of their content to be delightful, like how they stress test their Duplo products and a cute video on sustainability encouraging users to pass on their Lego sets to others.

I work in finance and banking and I was not surprised to see that my industry is not even included in the graph above, probably because these are not topics that people think of when they’re using Instagram. Most banks and large financial services companies do have an account, although they vary in the degree to which they take advantage of the platform’s different features. One account that I do like is Goldman Sachs and I discovered a new feature when I looked at one of their stories: apparently, you can link content directly to Spotify! This is a great feature if you want to promote things like podcasts or music, and it did make me wonder if you can do the same things with other platforms like linking things to YouTube (Answer: not yet, but maybe soon?).

Final thoughts

Overall, this analysis has changed the way I view Instagram. I thought it was mostly photo-based, but they’ve adapted to changing interests from consumers and seem to be focusing on promoting videos, making it very easy to edit them and post your content in multiple formats. I know that companies that I’ve worked for in the past tend to only post photos, but I think they need to expand into video content if they truly want to engage their followers. Videos of these things would be much more engaging. I also think that the videos seem much more real – you only post the best photo you have, but a video shows your followers feel like they are at the actual event. Clips of people speaking lets viewers feel closer to the person, rather than just reading something they said and seeing a headshot. I’m actually really excited to start thinking of ways that I can make videos for my current job (Employer Branding) because it seems like a great way to showcase things like events, speeches, and our employees.

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 7 years

Text

Not sure if ya’ll have noticed but talks about representation in superhero comics has been ever so slightly popular these days.

Sarcasm deactivated.

In all seriousness, yes there should be more though I have problems with certain approaches adopted by Marvel and to a lesser extent DC in recent years and the way a lot of fans have handled the situation on both sides.

Like saying Miles Morales shouldn’t exist is not okay but nor is saying Peter Parker should be shelved for his sake. Writing Titania in Jane Foster’s book as having solidarity with Jane because she’s a woman stepping into the role of a male hero is not okay (because seriously, Titania’s main enemy is goddam She Hulk and she despises her) but nor is saying sexist shit about Jane (who lest we forget was awesome long before she became Thor, arguably moreso).

But most of the time I personally feel disabled and mentally ill characters don’t get talked about as much whenever discussions like this pop up. Representing women, black people, gay people, etc, etc happens all the time but not so much with disabled and mentally ill characters.

What’s even stranger though is that on the occasions where those types of characters are discussed people seem to not recognize a lot of the ones among the classic established heroes.

Oracle, Daredevil and Xavier get brought up a fair amount but Tony Stark had a heart condition that early in his series required him to hide a great big metal chest plate under his clothes which then compromized his former playboy lifestyle. Among the truly mainstream and major Marvel/DC heroes Tony Stark genuinely was the first physically handicapped hero (unless I’m getting my dates mixed up and X-Men preceded him, even then though Xaiver was a mentor more than the lead).

As for mentally ill characters, whilst people will cite Deadpool and Harley Quinn as mentally ill protagonists within the Big Two (and you could arguably put Wolverine in there too due to his legitimate anger issues, though they are contextualized as part of his bad ass appeal so...maybe not) both those characters are fun, wacky, violent former villains who even when they aren’t on the side of evil still do amoral things. They’re mental illnesses are rarely treated with too much gravitas. In fairness their core concepts is for them to be wacky and fun (at least nowdays) so it would be possible in a debate to argue there is a certain amount of justification for not going too deep with their problems and touching them lightly.

Meanwhile you have Tony Stark and Carol Danvers who are both alcoholics. And if you know anything about that illness (and it IS an illness) you know it’s not one you really cure so much as manage.

However multiple runs of Iron Man since the iconic Demon in a Bottle storyline have at best touched upon it rather or else avoided it altogether. From what I’ve seen of Bendis’ run it’s mentioned but off handily and wasn’t a focus before Tony died. Maybe creatively you could justify that too but technically speaking Tony is a mentally illl hero due to that illness so if you want representation viola it’s right there if writers bothered to make use of it outside of showing him relapse or something.

The same is true of Carol Danvers except in her case it’s worse because you could be forgiven for simply being wholesale unaware Carol was ever an alcoholic since multiple runs don’t even bring it up (I suspect because people legitimately forgot). Nevertheless the female hero Marvel is most keen to promote and who will be getting her own movie soon enough is canonically mentally ill. That should be brought up more but I can see why people who ARE aware of it might not want to count her because like I said it’s hardly touched upon.

Which is why the next character I’m going to talk about is so important.

He’s never been a legitimate villain.

His mental illness(es) are integral to his character and impossible to ignore because of that fact.

He’s got a history of physical and emotional abuse which led to his illnesses and isn’t thrown out as cheap backstory or motivations for his character.

His illnesses have been showcased to ostracize him from wider society who often fear, hate and hound him either out of a desire to exploit him or else because they simply do not understand him. Which sadely echoes the experiences of a lot of mentally ill people.

He’s portrayed sympathetically with the hardships and tragedy of coping with mental illnesses showcased routinely (albeit often on a metaphorical and not strictly accurate level).

And most importantly he’s been repeatedly showcased as a truely heroic and caring figure in spite of his illnesses, even using them for the benefit of society as a whole when given the opportunity and right help.

I am in fact referring to...the Hulk.

Bruce Banner canonically was physically and emotionally abused by his father and developed serious anger issues and issues of self-worth because of that treatment. All of which led to him eventually developing Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as Multiple Personality Disorder or more commonly referred to as having a ‘split personality’; and INCORRECTLY referred to as schizophrenia.

That’s not me interpreting anything or extrapolating either. That is an objective in-universe canonical FACT about the character. In fact he first ‘hulked out’ when he got mad and attacked his father...BEFORE he encountered any gamma bombs. In one iconic issue he even tried to resolve his problems via therapy where the different sides to his personality were integrated together.

Whilst it involved superheroics and super powers and happened after ONE session that is the real life goal when it comes to helping most people who have DID/MPD.

Whilst there is so much to talk about with canon Hulk let’s just use the MCU as a microcosm of the Hulk’s character.

Bruce Banner in the MCU is so depressed over his condition (which involved being incapable of physical intimacy and constantly monitoring his stress levels) that he tried to commit suicide...only to discover he was physically incapable of doing so due to the Hulk’s healing factor.

As Banner he wants to find a cure for himself and as Hulk he wants nothing but peace and solitude. But he gets neither because representatives of the government seek to exploit him and neutralize him as a threat as opposed to trying to HELP him. And the guy spearheading things is straight up an old guy who doesn’t want Banner ‘consorting with his daughter’.

At any given time for reasons beyond his control Banner can become dangerous to those around him despite not wanting to truly hurt anybody, and yet he has been shown to be capable of managing his illness for altruistic ends, such as defeating the Abomination.

When given help and support from the Avengers (who with his CONSENT employ mental exercises and when NECESARRY use non-lethal equipment to keep him under control) he’s been shown to be an invaluable force for good. His brains help resolve dilemmas and provide vital intelligence and as Hulk he is the Avengers’ biggest gun against physical threats.

Which is why Age of Ultron was so heartbreaking. Once more he got exploited and hurt people without meaning to, looked upon in fear and scorn as a monster by those who just don’t understand him. So distraught was he that he opted to just go back into isolation.

Of course Banner’s condition doesn’t realistically line up with real people who have MPD but when understood the character exists for drama and also deals with anger issues the character is actually an incredibly (heh) well constructed character and the legitimate (though relative) representation he provides should be celebrated.

In fact I would argue it’s actually MORE important than the Asian representation Amadeus Cho provides because there are definitely more Asian protagonist characters than mentally ill ones. And also, though this sounds harsh...being Asian isn’t as compromising to your day-to-day quality of life as the kinds of illnesses that Banner/Hulk are analogous too.

Of course that isn’t saying we shouldn’t have more of both but...taking away one character who represents an even more marginalized group who frankly suffers in worse ways (even if wider pop culture fails to appropriately recognize him as representing those people) for the sake of a group that comparatively speaking has it better is not a good thing. It’s made worse when you consider the shitty way Hulk was treated just before and during Civil War II.

Bottom line: Let’s celebrate the old characters who represent mentally ill and disabled people more than we do and not throw them under the bus for other characters...especially the Hulk.

#Hulk #bruce banner #The Incredible Hulk #incredible hulk #marvel #marvel comics #civil war II #Daredevil #dc #dc comics #oracle #barbra gordon #tony stark #iron man #Carol Danvers #Captain Marvel

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kiwis-ontheloose · 7 years

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Honest Eyes: Part 4

So, I know it’s been a minute, but I hope someone is still interested in this series. I have some ideas that I’m really excited about! I want to shout out @bribe-the-door again for giving me the guts to do this!

Jane twisted around in her seat. Next to her Bex was snoring and Jane just couldn’t take it anymore. “Hey” she whispered lightly knocking on her friend’s head, “This flight is boring by myself.” Bex kept sleeping. Jane sighed and leaned back, in a few more hours they would be landing in L.A. and then who knows what would happen. John hadn’t come right out and said who they were going to do film work for.

He had sat in his chair eyes bright “Now it’s a small documentary about a musician creating an album Sony is hoping will blow up. They want a small low-key team so that there’s no unnecessary attention, and that’s why I think you girls will do excellent!” Bex and Jane shared a glance before turning back to him. “Bex, you just know when to turn the camera on, and that’s 70% of a project like this.” He then turned to Jane, “And you, you are great at putting people at their ease, and getting them to talk and you have a good story-telling instinct. I don’t have any doubt in my mind that the two of you will absolutely kill putting this together.” He leaned back in his chair, quite contented with himself, nodding, “This is exactly what Jeff needs and he doesn’t even know it yet,” he looked up at the girls, “So you’re in right?”

***

Jane and Bex held hands as they fought their way away from the LAX baggage claim. They hurried to leave the airport, keeping their eyes peeled for their ride. “What are we looking for again?” Jane huffed as she dragged her suitcase behind her.

“A woman with red curly hair and a sign that says ‘Welcome J B’ ”

“Good thing they didn’t put ‘em the other way around.” Jane quipped. Bex shot a raised eyebrow towards her as they continued to hurry through the crowds. Eventually, they saw who they were looking for.

“Hey, there, I’m Carla” the woman instantly put them at ease, “I’ll be taking you to where you’ll be staying. Are you guys jet lagged or anything?” They barely managed to shake their heads no before Carla had somehow magically whisked them out to a car and loaded up their luggage. After a brief discussion, it was decided that they should definitely get something to eat before heading to their final destination. There were a few more pit stops as one girl would realize they “Forgot that!” or “Should have remembered, but...” laughing they finally settled in for the final leg of the car ride completely worn out. The girls felt themselves drifting off in spite of themselves, waking up only when they sensed that the motion of the car had stopped.

Jane felt her eyes start to flutter open slowly, as Bex peeled herself off of the seat, there was a man standing on the steps of a huge house, Bex looked at him slowly walking towards them, her eyebrows knit together like she was two steps away from winning a game of Clue. Carla apparently noticed her face as well, because she nodded towards the man with a smile, “That’s Jeff, he’s a nice boy.” Bex’s eyebrows shot up, apparently, that was the only clue she needed for whatever question was in her mind. Carla handed them both a business card, “I wrote my cell phone number on the back, just in case you girls need anything, I know it can be difficult to be in a new place.” She smiled maternally at them before Jeff opened the door and burst their bubble of warmth.

“Hey,” he smiled brightly, “I’m Jeff, do you need help getting your bags?” They tumbled out of the car after him and made their way into the house. “Don’t worry about meeting anyone tonight,” he continued as they dragged their bags up a flight of stairs, “Pretty much everyone has settled in for the night already, and we’re sure you’re tired after your flight.” He led them into a beautiful suite. They were almost too tired to notice how nice it was, almost. Jeff smiled and said, “Through that door is the bathroom you two will share, you can get to the other bedroom through there as well, the rooms are identical except this one has a balcony.” He began making his way out of the room, “Help yourselves to whatever’s in the kitchen if you get hungry, and otherwise, we’re all excited to get to know you better in the morning!”

There were a few moments of quiet squabbling before Jane ended up in the room with the balcony. The girls took showers and tried to calm down, but found themselves curled up together on Jane’s bed whispering to each other. Bex’s eyes danced as she leaned in close to Jane, “I know who we’re shooting for,” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Oh shut up, you do not.” Jane rolled her eyes, but Bex persisted. “I do to, and I’ll prove it to you, it’s Harry Styles.” Jane sat in deep thought for a few minutes before saying, with great uncertainty, “He was one of the ones from One Direction right?”

Bex started hitting her with a pillow, “I can’t believe I’m friends with such a music snob!” she wheezed out in between laughs. Jane laughed too tired to defend herself. “I’m sure you’re right Bex.” she finally said as they collapsed back onto the mattress, half asleep again.

***

The girls opened their eyes, blinking into the yellow sunrise. They were momentarily disoriented, but soon remembered where they were. They crept down into the kitchen and then back upstairs with some fruit and granola bars. They were quite hungry but the idea of eating in front of a house of strangers before swiping on some mascara seemed too intimidating. Ad they sat on the floor munching Jane remembered what Bex had said the night before.

“Harry Styles, eh?”

“Mmmmhhh, what about him?”

“Do you really think that that’s who our boss is?”

Bex shrugged her shoulders I bit down on her apple. “Can’t believe you had to think before you placed him as being in One Direction.” She started typing on her phone. I’m gonna pull up a picture of him, so you know what kind of guy you’re working with.”

Jane rolled her eyes, “If you’re right.” Bex handed her phone to Jane. Jane could hardly believe her eyes. “Bex!” She hissed, “Bex, Bex, Bex, ooohhhh noooo.....” Bex had immediately straightened up and started running her hand over Jane’s shoulders. Jane had crumpled inward and the phone slid out of her hand. She lifted her head up to Bex. “Do you remember the Bukowski boy I told you about?”

“Yeah, what about...” Bex’s voice trailed off as she glanced back at her phone on the floor. “No,” she said in a hushed voice, “You can’t be for real.” but Jane just sat there, nodding her head. “What did you say to him exactly?” Bex asked, “When you were in the bookshop?”

“I told him, that I hope a goose the size of a squirrel shits in his coffee.”

Bex barely contained her laughter. “Y’know, I’m sure he doesn’t remember.” Uncertainty was written all over her face and voice as the two girls finished their morning routine and headed downstairs.

***

Harry squinted. He was holding a kiwi in his hand and Jeff was talking to him. Manager/Friend Jeff, not Producer/Friend Jeff. Important difference. Harry continued down this mental path until he noticed that the room around him had gone silent. He looked up at Jeff’s unamused face and asked, “Can I help you mate?”

“Why are you zoning out so much today H? You’re looking at that kiwi like it just told you some unwanted news.”

Harry shrugged, “Maybe it did, ‘bout to have to do the honorable thing and marry this kiwi.”

Jeff rolled his eyes as Harry devolved into little giggles. “As I was saying your film crew, well it’s two people, got in last night. They came highly recommended, so I suggest making a good impression for at least the first few minutes you see them. They should be coming down any minute now I expect--”

As if they had planned and rehearsed ahead of time an impossibly tall girl, followed by an impossibly short girl, walked down the stairs. As soon as Harry saw the second girl, he froze. It was her. The girl from the bookshop. The girl who hated Bukowski and liked to read people’s margin notes. Right now she was looking everywhere but at Harry. He figured that she must assume that if she didn’t look directly at him he’d simply stop existing at some point.

Jeff stepped forward and shook both the girls’ hands as they exchanged morning pleasantries. He then turned to the group, which included the other Jeff, Alex, Ryan, Tyler, and Harry. “All right guys! This is Rebecca, but I’ve been instructed to call her Bex and Jane. Bex is going to be our key camera person, and Jane is in charge of turning the messy, nonlinear, album writing process into a story people would actually want to sit down and watch.” The men all gave them a warm greeting.

Alex had a dash of mischief in his eye when asked, “Were you girls fans of one direction? Will you be able to concentrate working with Harry?” Even though it was meant to be a joke the air in the room became immediately stiffer after he said it.

The space around Bex seemed to loosen up first though, as per usual. She tossed her hair over her shoulder, “Yeah, my sister and I are both massive One Direction fans.” She grabbed an orange out of the fruit bowl and started peeling it, “But, I’m gay so I won’t get distracted. Now, Jane,” she motioned toward her friend with her head, “Isn’t gay. But given that until last night when I looked him up on my phone, she thought that Harry Styles was a bad pun, I think we’ll be fine.”

Manager Jeff nodded and smiled. “I knew you would fit right in.” Harry felt a streak of pride as he noticed his friend give Alex a slightly dirty look. “I’ll check on you guys next week!” Jeff yelled, and his footsteps faded out of the kitchen.

Harry looked back, the bookstore girl, no, Jane, was looking around. She was absorbing her surroundings like a sponge. Bex, on the other hand, seemed immediately comfortable asserting herself. “So, I don’t know what kind of schedule you guys normally keep around here, but I think the best thing would be if we do our first day out here without filming. I’ll keep my camera handy just in case something brilliant happens. We’ll be as in or out of the background as you think is appropriate.”

Producer/friend Jeff nodded and he and Bex started talking over some more details of how filming would work. Harry made his way over to Jane. He was just about to say something when she spun around, “I’ve gotta get my notebook,” she blurted. Harry watched her retreating figure, then glanced down at his hand, remembering for the first time in several minutes he’d been walking around with a kiwi.

#honest eyes #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #no one asked for this #but here it is #please love and water it

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acedialectic · 7 years

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There’s a place in Turkmenistan some people call the Door to Hell; it’s a basically a huge sinkhole that opened up and started leaking methane gas in 1971. It was set on fire at the time, to prevent methane poisoning in the surrounding area, and it’s still burning now. To any tourist, it looks like an enormous hole in the earth that’s always been filled with fire and always will be.

I’ve been in and out of Tumblr’s ace community since 2011 and I’m afraid Tumblr’s ace discourse phenomenon has become… a lot like the Door to Hell.

The character of the discourse had changed somewhat substantively over time; there used to be a lot more obvious and bizarre “anti-sj” trolls from 4chan, for one thing.

There was “Mari”, a blogger who went by various usernames and claimed to be a middle school student was a single lesbian woman who taught at the school. She was a big fan of Dexter and liked to respond with a hostile “unfuck you” to any sort of criticism. Someone once screenshotted a 4chan thread where is were planning what to pay in her blog. She quickly disappeared after forgot to use anonynimity when sending herself threatening messages.

There was prince-koyangi, who claimed to be asexual, non-binary, otherkin, and “trans-Korean”. This blog was so active for a while, not only in Ace tags but in so many areas of Tumblr, that folks thought there was no way it was a troll blog because no troll could be that dedicated. Eventually it turned out to be run by several well-coordinated trolls conducting a “social experiment” together.

There were the people who would post random dinosaur porn / explicit kink stuff in the ace tags. wtf-social-justice was a constant annoyance.

And then, separate from that 4chan troll crowd, but often acting concurrently with it, there was this loose association of bloggers whose main objection to the ace community was not that it was a laugh-worthy “Tumblr sexuality”, but that it was all too homophobic. To prove this point they catalogued jokes and complaints made by young aces (including some made by trolls like Mari) about being sex-repulsed on a blog called homophobicaces that wound up accounting for a good portion of ace tag traffic for a while.

And the thing is, these people – both best-known ace bloggers of the time and the people behind blogs like homophobicaces – are basically all gone. Most of us have either given up on Tumblr as a platform, just don’t have time for blogging anymore, or have no inclination to deal with this kind of endless “debate” anymore. But, much as methane just keeps on leaking into the Door to Hell, so the “discourse” keeps rehashing the same arguments even as its individual participants come and go, though there may be a relative lull now and then.

Here are some of the recurring themes:

“Generalized inclusion of aces/aros will allow cishets to invade and co-opt LGBT spaces.” This one has become basically the central theme now, but it was less so in 2011.

“Aces appropriated their terminology and iconography from LGBT people (or another marginalized group).” This one has come up in relation to: the triangular shape of an icon used by AVEN, the word queer, the concept of “coming out”, the split-attraction model, the word allosexual, the “#actually asexual” tag on Tumblr, the concept of a striped pride flag, &c, &c.

"Aces are keeping LGBT youth from fully coming out.“ Because telling people you’re ace could be a means of deflecting questions about your sexuality or gender.

“Ace identity is nothing like lesbian/gay/bi identity, because it’s about how much you do or don’t like sex, not to whom you’re attracted.” When aces point out that they don’t necessarily define their ace identities by how much they do or don’t like sex, the response is often that ace identities must be so broadly defined as to be meaningless.

“Aces want to be oppressed, because of a fundamental misunderstanding about the nature of anti-LGBT oppression and an ignorance of LGBT history.” This sometimes veers into the territory of casting doubt on aces’ accounts of conversion therapy, sexual assault, &c.

"Aces/aros are creepy/gross/cringeworthy.” There’s… no real counter-argument for this one, because it’s a subjective judgment.

"Asexuality is grounded in a racist conception of sexuality.” I try not to get involved in this sort of argument, but it sometimes gets weaponized by white people against aces of color, and I’m pretty sure that’s not how these things are supposed to work.

"This isn’t about all aces/aros, only the cishet ones.” Often applied to an ongoing discussion involving nobody who can be described as cishet. This has, at times, gone so far as to invoke the possibility of “trans cishets”.

Some things have changed over time. My impression is that “the discourse” tends to involve younger people, overall, than it used to, and that’s concerning. Aro blogging is more of a thing than it used to be, and that’s nice. But this enormous fire just won’t stop.

#ace discourse

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bearhatarmy · 6 years

Photo

But that would be racist! Ben isn’t racist! He is constantly explaining over and over just how not-racist he is. Which is what all non-racists have to do.

This has nothing to do with racism and Ben has some solid FACTS explaining why.

HE LIKES JAZZ, OKAY?

AND OPINIONS ARE NEVER RACIST.

I GUESS.

EVEN THOUGH HE SAID IT WAS A FACT.

So, to be clear, this will just be a not-serious analysis about Ben’s totally not-racist FACT that rap is not-music.

Let’s get this not-party started...

You see, Ben is famous for his motto, “Facts don’t care about your feelings.”

He’s even leveraged his factual wisdom and made it into merchandise.

That’s a real thing people can buy. It even has 6 whole reviews on Amazon!

Beyond the Box rated it with 3 stars saying, “It's okay but small.”

(Aww, just like Ben!)

And Tim S. described the shirt’s fit as “Liberals are destroying the country.”

(I’m pretty sure that means it’s a tad itchy.)

Before I saw Ben’s factual tweet, I really FELT like rap was an amazing musical artform. It took poetry and made it musical. It gave people a new way to express themselves that didn’t require expensive music lessons or even instruments. A friend could just bang on a table while you let it flow. It made creating music more accessible. And as long as you had good rhythm you could participate. It FELT groundbreaking at the time.

The very first cassette tape I bought was Good Vibrations by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. (I know that isn’t a great start, but I was like 10, okay?) The very first compact disc I bought was 2 Legit 2 Quit by MC Hammer. (Don’t laugh, he was the shit in 1991.) As I reached my formative years, I started listening to DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Beastie Boys, and House of Pain.

I jump’d around. (squeeEEEEEee)

But as some of you may have noticed, most of my musical selections were very mainstream. You’ve probably also noticed that I am very... white.

To this day, even! I think it is a chronic condition.

My skin is near translucent due to lack of sunlight. I often say things like “indubitably” and “bloviate” and “I’m sure this chicken will be fine with minimal seasoning.” And at one point I owned the entire Creed discography.

I was in desperate need of a Hip Hop education.

Now using the official Rules of Republican Conduct™, if I want to talk about something with a racial component, all I need is a single black friend. This will absolve me of any consequences.

Interesting Froggie Fun Fact... I went to a mostly black high school!

Check this out...

That’s TWO black friends!

Shawn is the one teaching me a complicated handshake I instantly forgot. And Marcus is photobombing us in the back there.

I wish I could say our school was super progressive and everyone got along dandy. But in the mid-90s that just wasn’t the case. There were no major conflicts, but a lot of the white kids would sort of... self segregate. They’d all choose lockers in the same area. They’d sit in the same area at lunch and in class. And not a lot of them would interact with black kids outside of school.

That said, I did not get the segregation memo. I got along with everyone. I’m not saying I was some amazing colorblind trailblazer crossing racial boundaries at every turn. My locker was in the white section too. And I only had two black friends (not pictured) that I hung out with outside of school.

But I do think humor can break down a lot of barriers. And I used comedy to cross those invisible lines from time to time.

Do you remember “Yo Mama” jokes?

Like uhhh... Yo mama so old, her social security number is 1. Yo mama so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window and let the wind blow it. Yo mama so classless, she’s a Marxist utopia.

You get it.

One day I just kind of decided to make fun of Shawn’s mama. After a few seconds of stunned silence I got the loudest OH DAMN of anyone and we were suddenly friends. And then his friends were my friends too. Our friendship didn’t go outside the school premises, but it was still a lot of fun joking around with them at lunch or when we were supposed to be doing homework.

Shawn and I started a sort of cultural exchange. He would tell me about all of the amazing music he was into. And I explained why Batman: The Animated Series was not a kid’s cartoon. IT WAS ANIMATION. Says it right in the name.

He also told me about not-music.

Ya know... rappers.

I’ll be honest, sometimes this was challenging for me. I did not like or understand everything he suggested. I had a lot of racist baggage leftover from an all-white Catholic elementary school and my brain resisted for longer than I care to admit. But after seeing Shawn’s passion for this not-music, I became rap-curious and willing to keep an open mind.

Let me try to name-drop from memory...

Puff Daddy, Lauryn Hill, Wu-Tang Clan, Naughty By Nature, Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, Dr. Dre, Biggie Smalls, Ice Cube, and some guy named Tupac Shakur. You’ve probably never heard of him.

He’d even sneak a Walkman in his backpack so he and his friends could sample his latest acquisitions.

He’d be like, “Hey Ben, you want to listen to some Master P?” And I’d be like, “Sure! You wanna listen to Nine Inch Nails?” And he’d be like, “Naw, I’m good.”

Okay, so the cultural exchange could be a bit one-sided at times. But Batman bonded us all.

Admittedly, when I was at home, I still mostly listened to Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Stone Temple Pilots on repeat. And I do not listen to a great deal of Hip Hop these days. Mostly due to lack of guidance. I don’t have a Shawn in my life anymore. (But that Cardi B Money song was crazy good. And I’m not just saying that cuz the video had boobs.)

Shawn was able to get me to a place where even if I didn’t like what I was listening to, I understood why other people enjoyed it. I really learned to appreciate rap and many of Shawn’s suggestions made an appearance on my super rad 90s Winamp playlist.

Sometimes when I was having a bad day, it was nice to have a good day to fall back on.

So when I was very whitely bobbing my head to the beat of that communal Walkman, I didn’t think my friends were stupid. I didn’t think I was stupid. I didn’t FEEL stupid.

But facts are facts. And my feels about facts don’t matter.

You see, Ben Shapiro is known for being a master debater. You can find videos of him CRUSHING LIBRULS WITH LOGIC. Or DESTROYING FEMINISTS with TRU FACTS. Perhaps even DEMOLISHING SOCIALISTS with STATISTICS.

His big Harvard brain is pretty relentless when it comes to DESTROYMOLISHING The Left.

He’s great at taking standard conservative talking points, couching them in academic speak, and peppering them with dubious facts that don’t always hold up to scrutiny after the fact. Some might argue he cherry picks his opponents and the subject matter, creates scenarios where his point of view will be well received, and uses bad faith tactics to give the appearance of the upper hand.

But that would be speculation and this post is all about FACTS.

And Ben’s facts are too powerful to dispute. I doubt anyone is up to the challenge. Not even a transgender woman with epic makeup, glorious costumes, creative lighting schemes, and a degree in philosophy could take him to task.

It’s just... unpossible.

*cough* Contrapoints *cough*

Sorry, had a froggie in my throat.

SO... let’s see Ben defend “rap isn’t music” using his fancy debating skillz. It took him 6 years to come up with this, so I’m betting it’s bulletproof.

OH I SEE.

He plays CLASSICAL music.

CHECKMATE, RAPPERS!

Ben Shapiro DESTROYGASMS Hip Hop with UNDERWHELMING TWEET.

If you’ll allow me to expound his logic, being a classically trained musician makes you more specialer than a regular musician. It makes him an arbiter of what is and is not music. I forgot that classical musicians were automatically given that power.

I know Ben only ever presents facts, so I’d like to take him at his word, but I think I’d like to see this music master perform something. Just to be sure he has the proper classical credentials to make these bold claims.

Here is a music video he produced for The Daily Wire. Clearly a high budget homage to one of the most thrilling television themes in recent history.

youtube

Did anyone else feel like they were watching 3 robots play the blandest arrangement ever conceived? Or was that just me? SUCH ENERGY.

I will say, those special effects were... something.

And Ben really PWNED CNN. I’m sure they felt that slice all the way in their Atlanta headquarters.

Ben, if you’re reading this, that video was totally funny in the way you intended. People are definitely laughing with you and not at you. I didn’t cringe even a little.

But does this prove that Ben is a proper CLASSICAL musician? With all the power and privileges that entails?

Does he have the authority to judge musical worthiness?

Despite his robotic performance, I suppose he did hit all the correct notes and everything.

Is music like facts? Does music care about your feelings?

I think what we need is a comparison. Something we can judge Ben’s performance against in order to gauge his level of classical musicianship.

This is Tina Guo.

She is a Chinese-American immigrant from Shanghai. She moved here at the age of 5. She probably was able to sneak in because there wasn’t a border wall yet. She is taking the jobs of American classical musicians. Probably why Ben isn’t in a top-tier symphony orchestra as we speak.

She also made a huge splash on YouTube casually playing Flight of the Bumblebee as a teenager. No biggie. I’m sure Ben can play that too.

Oh, and do you remember that badass Wonder Woman theme written by famous composer Hans Zimmer?

That was her playing the lead.

Now for the comparison.

Watch Librul Immigrant DESTROY the Game of Thrones theme that she arranged ALL BY HERSELF without the help of a BIG STRONG MAN.

youtube

I don’t know.

I think that was a smidge better than Ben’s version.

What do you folks think?

So here is the dilemma.

We have two CLASSICAL musicians who are at nearly identical skill levels...

HOWEVER... after some investigation...

It’s possible Tina Guo thinks rap... might be music.

*GASP*

THE EVIDENCE

One of her favorite ways to practice improvisation is to jam along with Hip Hop tracks she finds on YouTube.

Now, conservatives like Ben LOVE dictionary definitions. It’s their go-to debate tactic when trying to legitimize the idea of racism toward white folks. So let’s use the dictionary really quick.

When I looked up what this “jamming” word meant, it sent me to “jam session.” I was shocked by what I found.

Musicians? MUSIC? But those backing tracks she practiced to were used for rap non-music. BEN I AM CONFUSED.

I think I need to dig deeper.

After scouring the internet for almost 2 minutes I was able to find something even more shocking.

Here is LIBRUL CLASSICAL SNOWFLAKE IMMIGRANT FEMINIST MUSICIAN sharing the stage with a CUCK NON-MUSIC RAP ARTIST.

That kinda looks like Tina Guo... and LUPE FIASCO.

*DOUBLE GASP*

And I’ve double checked this... it seems this Lupe fellow is definitely a rapper.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

I mean, she has her cello. And he has a microphone. But it’s a FACT that rap isn’t music. So I guess they are doing some experimental anti-music performance together.

ANOTHER SHOCKING IMAGE HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION AFTER ANOTHER 12 SECONDS OF GOOGLING.

What the heck, Tina?

Why are you, A CLASSICAL MUSICIAN, on a stage with Common? Another rapper!

I’m a little worried that Tina might be stupid.

Ben’s FACT clearly states if you think rap is music, then you are stupid.

And not only is Tina playing music near a rapper... I’m pretty sure she is playing music WITH a rapper.

That’s like... double stupid.

I really don’t know what to feel about these facts I’ve uncovered.

These FACTS kinda FEEL like bullshit.

At least I can take comfort in the absolute fact that Ben Shapiro is a solid 5 feet 9 inches tall. It gives me comfort knowing he can ride any roller coaster he wants.

The important thing is that everyone knows how you’re a big boy. Two inches taller than Napoleon!

I mean, it would be silly to lie about such a thing so easily disproved, right? And there is nothing to be ashamed of if you are a shorter individual. My mom is short I think she’s the best!

So I’m confident you are 5′9″ as you have stated.

I CAN’T FEEL ANY MORE FACTS, BEN.

MY SOUL CAN’T TAKE IT.

You know what... screw it.

I’m going to make it serious.

Not liking rap isn’t racist.

Telling people they are stupid for liking rap is super racist.

And being too stubborn to apologize for a 6-year-old tweet compounds that racism.

Liking jazz is just the musical version of “I have a black friend.”

Not understanding that rap is a cultural staple vital to the black community and then comparing it to frickin’ Titanic makes it profoundly racist.

Well, that just makes you look...

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cosmosogler · 7 years

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hi, i am starting late tonight because i was doing RESEARCH!!!

i slept pretty horribly last night. i noticed that my dreams are featuring a lot of wet clothes. clingy, gross, heavy clothes.

the dream started out as me wandering around “dream philadelphia,” which for some reason features a lot of what looks like giant toy trains. the trains only go one way, so if you leave town and forget something, well, you got a long walk back. also they seem to operate on the same schedule as the spongebob buses. which is to say, the most inconvenient possible.

anyway i was bumming around not doing much when i ran into dad. he was trying to take a train somewhere and didn’t understand how the system worked. i basically said “sucks to be you” and mostly focused on what i was doing, or rather, what i was not doing. i had absolutely no reason not to help him except i didn’t feel like it, and also maybe because explaining how the trains worked was too hard.

then i was trying to move out of my dorm, as i often am, and the mob was also there? i couldn’t pack wet clothes, so i kept putting them in the dryer, but every time i went to check if they were ready to be packed yet they were still dripping. it was driving me nuts because the dryers’ timers were basically random so i couldn’t tell how long it had been any time i wanted to check.

when i woke up i finished up the sonic fan character picture. i seem to have done other things, but i don’t remember what they might have been. i looked up some stuff about the preliminary exam. i microwaved the leftover pizza for lunch and got super grossed out and gave up before i could finish two slices. i fed one of the crusts to the dogs.

my dad rescued a little cactus mouse from out of the pool filter the other day. we’ve been keeping him in the old fish tank with some leftover fluff we have for the hamster. mom wants to get rid of him asap, but i worry that we won’t know how sick he is unless we keep him until wednesday or so. i actually thought he had died this afternoon, but when i was digging through the drawers to get a plastic spoon to poke him he started breathing again. he opened his eyes and wandered around a little bit yesterday, which is promising. the chlorine had probably really hurt them for the first day and a half.

i didn’t really feel understood in group therapy today. the goal stuff was fine, the therapist gave me a worksheet to fill out and talked about other resources she could probably give me if i asked for them on wednesday. it was when i brought up that i felt like, if a problem is able to be overcome, then it wasn’t really a valid problem. unless a problem is permanent, it shouldn’t be a problem i had in the first place.

it’s very odd. the therapist used it as a launch pad to go into, like, how she thinks impostor syndome is fake i guess? i don’t remember exactly what it was because at the time i was devoting most of my energy to figuring out how to articulate my problem better. i didn’t really get the chance to go more in depth about it though.

i guess that’s something i should bring up with my individual therapist tomorrow. i kinda know where it comes from, but the examples that come to mind are only tangentially related to the feeling. it appears to stem from how my mother treats my nightmares. she says they aren’t real or i’m making them up or “dreaming while awake” somehow. so, if they get worse, she’ll HAVE to recognize they’re real!!!

except i don’t even care about what she thinks, because she is useless as a source of advice there? and mostly in general useless as a source of advice or encouragement. i can’t figure out why i care and why that problem is so significant that it’s, like, wrecking my willingness to change my situation.

my therapist said i did make the goal-setting much harder than it needed to be. and she said i was lacking in some areas of self awareness but she didn’t elaborate because she wanted me to figure it out myself.

that made me feel really nervous. it confirmed that i probably don’t know myself very well, or at least i am not confident in my understanding of reality. but i knew that already.

i guess i am living in some kind of funhouse mirror reality where i suck at everything. but i need that reality because otherwise i start thinking too highly of myself and people get angry. i am “egotistical” and “look down on others.” “you think you are all that but you’re not.” “you’ll die alone.” “your ego is going to come back and bite you someday and when it does i’ll laugh.”

ok i think i may be embellishing that last one but those parents were very angry with me. because i was upset that they had stolen my group’s space station project for the nasa competition. the next day they followed me all the way from the drop-off to the back of the campus where my classroom was, leaned over me, hissing stuff like that in my ear but it didn’t matter because there weren’t any teachers paying attention so it was fine i guess!!!!!!

just like it was fine when craig did stuff because nobody cared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dad called me egotistical in grade school too. he also got super mad about it. i would get in the car and he would hold the door open and scream and then slam the door in my face. it was fine because he is my parent so he can do whatever he wants.

the lesson here is that no one else cared about me, so i shouldn’t care about me either. if i start caring about me, i might get upset about all that stuff that happened!!! and that would be bad. because i would be a bummer and no one would want to hang out with me.

it’s like... these people want me to change. but i have reasons, like, lots of reasons, for acting the way i do. and maybe i feel like i’m not allowed to change until i make them understand how hard it is.

i mean, of course i’m allowed to change any time i want. i’m in charge of how i act. but... how easy is it to unlearn a lesson i’ve had repeatedly hammered, beaten, and screamed in for 24 years?

and if it’s not impossible, it’s not hard enough. hard enough for what i don’t know. if i am not literally dead i am not trying hard enough. actually i could probably die from trying too hard for too long and at my funeral mom would say “she should have tried harder to stay alive.”

there is no pleasing her. i don’t think i even want to please her. i don’t know what my subconscious thinks. i guess being denied something just makes you want it more? even if you tell yourself you don’t want it anyway.

i like to joke around that kyral is a “personified explosion,” but i guess in a way i am one too. not in the same way. but the way i approach life. if i am not exceeding my limit at all times i am not good enough. if i get sick because i was exceeding my limit for too long i couldn’t be good enough. if i am at the end of my rope there’s got to be more steam in there, i know it, there just has to be, and i have to use it right now or i won’t be good enough.

self care and stuff like that just distracts from time i could be trying harder. but i am not allowed to acknowledge that i am working hard, or harder than is healthy for me, because that would make me egotistical. the worst offense possible!!!

why is it so important that i don’t come across in any way as egotistical? i guess because deep down i feel very inadequate, and i find people who oversell their abilities to be extremely annoying. but aren’t i overselling my energy capacity?

to be honest it probably WOULD be better if i took more care to address my limits. but i always feel the need to make just one more last push, so i kind of forget about the limit or hate the limit.

i had a self esteem journal i wanted to start filling out this week. i may have to put off starting it until tomorrow though because now it is almost 1 and i am late getting to bed again.

after therapy i went to my cousin’s high school graduation party dinner with the rest of my family. i acted really obnoxious around my younger brother and cousins because i am pretty sure they think it’s funny. i like seeing them react so i do things i am reasonably certain will get a reaction. and i almost always do!

what i did for the graduating cousin in particular is, since my sister forgot to buy a card, i was tasked with making one. so i put a terrible pun on the front cover and spelled my cousin’s name wrong, wrote “have a good life.” on the inside, and got mom to put a ton of glitter inside and individually tape a couple of 1-dollar bills to the card. it got him to shake his head and sigh. he is normally Too Cool to interact with me.

my youngest cousin asked when i’m going to grow out of pokemon. i said “if i ever want to stop, then i guess i’ll stop then.” he brought up the time he beat me because i stopped to tease him instead of just finishing the battle. i think in my cousins’ eyes i am some sort of unbeatable pokemon god. but really in competitions i lose about as much as i win, and by about the same margins. i just like pokemon a lot.

when i got home i sent an email to the florida physics department asking for some test resources. then i put a lot of time into researching self care and strategies for becoming more assertive and having a more reasonable self esteem. that’s why i started writing so late. i also dumped like 8 of the pages i found into my queue so now you can look at ALL OF THEM too!!!

tomorrow i need to do some more things. i gotta work on the usual stuff, the welcome packet, et cetera. i have therapy at 10:30, so i really need to go to bed soon if i’m going to be able to get up for it. i need to drop by my physician’s office and pick up some paperwork and ask about a test they wanted to schedule. i will probably just have leftovers for lunch... then i’m going to watch a movie with oz. then i gotta do the technology setup and troubleshooting stuff with my classmates to prepare for future study sessions. that should last me until about 5:30. i will try to play in the yard with the dog more in the evening, and possibly make a dinner that’s more than “microwave some rice.” i will have to find some time to work on the self esteem journal, and also on the therapy goal worksheet and packets for wednesday. maybe i will also start coloring the owl picture i got from the resources folder at the hospital.

pretty sure i’m forgetting something. but that will have to wait until the morning or whenever it comes up i guess.

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