#and for people who use both pronunciations i wonder whether they are used in very specific contexts with no overlap

[olderthannetfic]

Now I'm wondering how countries like Japan and China teach literacy.

Since kanji / hanzi don't really have that much in the way of phonetic elements, they kinda have to teach them by memorization and I don't think they have many reading comprehension problems over there.

(Although both countries do have supplementary phonetic writing systems in the form of bopomofo and pinyin for China, and the kanas for Japan)

--

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It's a little closer to teaching vocabulary than spelling, but the same kinds of principles apply: You teach the building blocks, like the traditional radicals, which aren't so different from teaching Latin and Greek roots in an English class for English speakers.

And, as a matter of fact, lots of those radicals do predict pronunciation, just not in every single case. They can also be clues to meaning, but again, not absolutely consistently. Many characters have a sound-cueing radical on one side and a meaning-cueing radical on the other. It's just that only some are still useful in the modern day, while others are more like the English word 'plumbing' where knowledge of Roman lead pipes explains why this word comes from the one for lead, but the root probably wouldn't help a kid learn the word in the first place.

One similarity to teaching phonics would be teaching students to tell very complicated and similar characters apart: you want to help a student spot all the little building blocks of the character and then spot the ones that are different, not just glance at the whole character and get a general overall vibe. If you do a whole look-based approach, too many characters are too easy to mistake for one another.

Remembering a bajillion Chinese characters is hard if you're trying to memorize them in a year and not all of elementary school, but I think people who don't read them underestimate how many component parts there are and how approachable they can be if you start by learning fundamentals, not just memorizing a few individual characters as though they have no relation to anything else.

They're actually pretty systematic, just in the way that English spelling is with its overlapping systems and historical artifacts, not in the way that highly regular Spanish spelling is.

Having taken a lot of Japanese classes, I will say that Japanese as a foreign language textbooks often do a piss poor job of this and totally do teach kanji in a sight words-y way... But my Mandarin class started with important foundational concepts that served me well in Japanese later even if I bombed out of Chinese class at the time.

Can you tell how irritated I am by all the foreign language learners who think characters are sooooo hard when, really, it's just their crappy textbook? Haha.

They're moderately hard in the way that learning a full adult spectrum of vocabulary is hard, but people do that for foreign languages all the time. The countries that use characters do tend to make sets that are smaller for certain kinds of applications, same as we have things like simple English wikipedia, but a literate adult will always know lots more, whether it's from their career in engineering or their predilection for historical romance novels.

Uh... anyway, the answer is "Bit by bit in elementary school, just like in any other country".

[araneitela]

While I have these noted in my OneNote, putting them on here may... make it that I write these down more thoroughly faster. But, meta-topics that I'm planning on elaborating on:

— Kafka's semblance of 'boredom' and its manifestation. This is seen across the board through either suggesting or engaging in both more trivial and more significant 'games'. But a great example is the "trial" during the on-going Jepella Rebellion. Throughout the entire sequence, we see the judges with flaring red eyes that glow brighter at numerous intervals, and when she's "let to plead her case" a bit more thoroughly towards the end of it, we're shown a red string breaking (timestamp: 2:08); you see the judges' eyes return to normal and they are in a state of severe mental disorientation and panic. The string breaking marked the intended end of Kafka's Spirit Whisper on them. The entire trial was nothing more than a mockery of the court: her game. As Sam notes at the end (timestamp: 2:32), "You should really stop playing with your food; Kafka." He meant it. Kafka plays games when many likely wouldn't due to a sense of risk. Aside from being immune to this due to the lack of fear that she claims the populace of Pteruges-V (or at least, New Babylon) to have, this playfulness is likely an added manifestation of this. We know that she doesn't fall victim to the same follies as others from this same planet, "I used to be a Devil Hunter (...) When people don’t feel fear, they are dominated by desire and pleasure – they become “devils”, so this may be a different form of 'pleasure' in the simple form of entertainment. The Jepella 'trial' is simply the most evident example.

— The two different manners of speech. We're overtly familiar with the incredibly seductive delivery of most of her dialogue, but there are instances where Kafka's delivery is quite different and it is incredibly intentional. The very first instance of this, is when she first speaks to the Trailblazer. It is not as consistent, and there is still usually a lingering element of playfulness to the end of most words' pronunciations (there are specific lines that are a lot more evident, such as "When you have a chance to make a choice, make one that you know you won't regret" at the end of the sequence). This could be blamed on the fact that this was an early recording and they were undecided; however, the decision of having two different 'vocal deliveries' has been set in stone with Kafka's story/companion quest. Thankfully, I found this to help make it very obvious.

— Not feeling fear does not equate lack of emotions and/or the concept of humanity. For me, 'fear' is merely one of many emotions that humanity possesses, it is tied in with many (all) others but it is not representative, on its own, of all emotions in their entirety. The reason I make note of this is Kafka's inherent tie to musicality, one of numerous great 'arts' that requires great emotion to properly understand and appreciate. Now, part of me wondered if she perhaps lacked this as well, and whether, because of that, this was one of her 'goals' within the Stellaron Hunters as well. But when looking at the individually noted goals for each of them, "they who chase after fear" (Kafka) is separate from "they who inquire meaning" (strongly hinted at being Sam), which renders the question null and void. Aside from that, she actively seems to harbor an element of care towards the Trailblazer, but most undeniably, she actively harbors a semblance of care and concern for Blade's state of being in her story quest. This also means, to me, that Kafka harbors the ability of affection.

— Her character banner was called 'Nessun Dorma', named after arguably the most famous tenor arias in all of opera (yes, you've likely heard it even if you're not into opera). As much as she is very much tied to classical music throughout the game, and showing an active investment in it, this is entirely different as it is a vocal performance, rather than instrumental as all other musical passages used for her have been. Nessun Dorma is an aria in the final act of a musical called Turandot. This is a fantasy tale that unfolds in China, where a beautiful but very cold princess (Turandot) poses three riddles to any suitor who dares court her, and commands the death of all who fail. When an unknown prince (he who sings 'Nessun Dorma) ultimately triumphs, the opera ends in a love story with a happy ending. Hoyoverse doesn't do things without reason, and so this intrigues me relentlessly. But moreover, the riddles and their answers really get the cogs in my head to spin wildly; as this reeks of Kafka in more ways than one:

"What is born each night and dies at dawn?" Hope.

"What flickers red and warm like a flame, yet is not fire?" Blood.

"What is like ice yet burns?" Turandot (the princess in question).

[mcrmadness]

I have already seen several times this poll on my dash about whether people have an accent or not, and so many keep saying in the notes that everyone voting "no" is wrong and that everyone has an accent.

This is confusing me greatly because I was one of those voting "no", and if I understood the poll correctly, it was not about English but languages in general. And I still disagree that everyone has an accent, because not all languages have accents. Everyone does have an accent in English, yes, but not necessarily in their first language.

My first language, for example, is Finnish. And Finnish has dialects but no accents. Our terminology doesn't even really recognize the word and here it's only used when someone is speaking Finnish with a FOREIGN accent (or maybe with a Swedish accent, if they're from the Swedish speaking areas). But those who have Finnish as their first language, do not have an accent in Finnish. I tried to google this, and I can't find anything about Finnish and accents (in Finnish) - everything only leads to websites talking about dialects. If I google about it in English, I only find articles and videos explaining what the Finnish accent in English is like.

Because of all this, I also have a difficult time telling accent and dialect apart. For example, I do not know which ones in English should be called as accents and which ones as dialects, because my first language only has dialects and I never have to think about accents. I also am unable to imitate different accents in e.g. English, because I just don't know how to do those. I can recognize and tell them apart when I hear them, I just don't hear myself and can't do any accents. My own in English is a mess that can sound like just any accent in English, but usually all the words in my sentences can be from different English accents because my mouth picks the one it can pronounce the best. My main accent could sound American, but then there's the word "water" that comes out with the Australian pronunciation because apparently the vowels just don't like the American order when I say it.

I'm wondering if people who say that everyone has an accent, is just talking from the Germanic language family's point of view. Since English as well as German both are Germanic, and mostly it's been people with either being their first language whom I've seen saying this in the notes. But Finnish is a Finno-Ugric language, and it's so far from the Germanic languages. Talking of them, I'm not sure if Scandinavian languages have accents or dialects, but there are definitely regional differences there as well, I'm just not sure in which category those fall into.

But if ignoring the Nordic and Germanic languages, we also get Slavic languages, and Baltic languages as well as Romance languages. With these I don't know enough to say whether these have accents or dialects or maybe both, because I don't have enough knowledge over those. But then there are also totally different language groups outside the western world (and inside some parts of the western world) that I believe don't have similar accent system that is talked about on that poll. I personally have never studied nor tried learning any e.g. Asian languages, but I've heard there are several that rely a lot on voices - I don't know the proper terminology for that, but basically that the intonation is very important and with a different intonation the word/sound might have a different meaning. What about "everyone has an accent" here? Since isn't accents also a lot about how the language sounds, but if the language is based on the sounds, I don't think having "everyone saying they have no accent is wrong" really applies here.

So, just a thought... could also be that I totally misunderstood that poll, but seeing so many say that everyone has an accent, got me thinking because Finnish very much has no accents in it, and it definitely is not the only language doing so.

[sentistrange]

my 2 cents on the kaeluc "adoptive brothers vs sworn brothers" controversy because i've wanted to talk about it for a while (please read)

according to the original chinese version, they are not siblings. the term "結拜兄弟" (pīnyīn: jiébài xiōngdì) means "sworn brothers" and is used instead of "adopted brothers". "sworn brothers", although without a direct english counterpart, roughly means "incredibly close, like brothers". however, take into note how the words for "brother" and "sister" are more loose than in english (example: in ningguang's hangout, the children call her "凝光姐姐" (pīnyīn: níngguāng jiějiě), which means "elder sister ningguang". she is not related to these children, as this is more of a fimiliarity).

additionally, the "sworn brothers" trope is used a lot in chinese bl. but just like "brother"/"sister", it's not strictly one thing. there is a lot of nuance to the term, and it's not always romantic. but because it can be interpreted as romantic and is used a lot in cbl, that's why a lot of fanart is in chinese (and japanese, as they share a lot of kanji/hanzi and likely have closer meaning than english). because of this, i see an imbalance of attacks.

prefacing what i say next as my frank interpretation and i am not intending to harass/attack people whole stick to the english mistranslation.

90% of people who follow the mistranslation actively ignore the actual meaning and will further force the mistranslation on others. i have seen multiple posts of people outright saying variations of this same message: "if you ship kaeluc, go kill yourself". if it was not a mistranslation and they were adoptive brothers, completely justified (though, as a pacifist, i'm still against death threats like those). they purposfully keep a closed mind and ignore the fact that it is wrong (another example of bad english is names. tighnari's name isn't tee-nari, it's teeg-[brief pause/enunciated g]-nari. but note it's easier to hear than my attempt to simplify, i don't speak arabic or tamaziɣt. please refer to an actual speaker of arabic and/or tamaziɣt for a fully correct pronunciation).

the other 10% of people likely don't know it's a mistranslation/issue, by simply not knowing about the whole controversy itself or any further information regarding it.

i encourage both types of people to open their mind and make an effort to learn. of course you don't need to ship kaeluc -- i don't, but there're a lot of wonderful artists that deserve likes/shares -- but you should at least be aware that they are, in fact, not brothers.

please remember this is my interpretation and thus isn't entirely accurate.

also, a small thing, taking care of a child that isn't yours does not always equate to adoption. that's a simple fact.

i encourage those who believe either side to respond in a calm and reasonable manner. this is not a hate post and i would love to hear your side(s) and/or interpretations of it. i will not delete death threat responses, as that furthers my points. shippers and non-shippers are both welcome, but if you wholeheartedly believe they are adoptive brothers, please do your research.

info used was from this very well made twitter thread. whether you ship it or not, i highly recommend reading it; it is by no means a waste of your time (that is, unless you knew everything already).

my end opinion: diluc and kaeya are not siblings, but it's also not a pair i particularly ship. there are a lot of talented artists, though, and i do like the posts when i see them.

thanks for reading.

- senti

[glowingbadger]

The Sylvain and Dimitri arranged marriage stuff made me think of a claude version of it. Maybe an AU where Claude never came to fodlan and reader has to marry the prince/king of Almyra to improve countries relationships. Anyway seriously love your stuff thank you so much for the content!!

Oh hoo Anon, this is a wonderful take on the concept. Let's see what I can whip up for us~

((side note I feel like we never learn whether Almyra speaks a different language from Fodlan?? But being multi-lingual is sexy so idgaf))

((And also I used Bengali for Almyran because I have Bengali family and the language is so beautiful even though the english alphabet phonetic spellings are weird af))

Claude x Reader - Arranged Marriage

NSFW 18+ (like only towards the end tho idk)

Overall, you do what you can to stay out of the way. You'd been sent to Almyra as a symbol- a token, more than anything else. Now that you were in King Khalid's possession, very few throughout the castle paid you any particular mind. You were provided for, of course. Anything you cared to ask for was given. But you didn't speak a word of the Almyran language, and those who bothered to use what they knew of Fodlan's to communicate with you seemed to view you as a pet to be kept safe and healthy, and little else.

By week's end, there was to be a lavish banquet in honor of your union with the King- though of course, your input on the proceedings is entirely unwanted. In some ways, Almyra is quite similar to Fodlan. Court life is much the same. As you wander through the royal gardens, wondering at a range of colorful and exotic flowers you'd never heard of, let alone seen, a voice speaks smoothly behind you.

"Did you know you can actually eat the petals of this particular flower? They're very sweet."

You whirl around and nearly bump into King Khalid. You're about to stammer out an apology, but he reaches out and plucks a single white petal and holds it before your lips.

"Go on, I think you'll like it."

Whatever possesses you to eat a flower petal from this man's hand is something you'd rather leave unexamined for the time being- but he is right about the flavor. It's sweet, but not overly so, and quite pleasant.

"Hm! Yeah, it's nice," you say, then glance up at him as another thought occurs to you that you'd considered once or twice before, "You speak the language of Fodlan very well, my Lord."

"I'm flattered," he says with a disarmingly handsome smile, "and please, just Khalid. I don't think I could bear to have my own wife stand on such formality with me."

He says it so naturally, as if you'd been planning this union for years. Though, once again, he's right. This is only perhaps the dozenth time you've exchanged words, but you are wed, and you ought to get used to addressing him as your husband.

"Khalid..." you say tentatively, "Did- did you need something from me? I hope I wasn't too much trouble to find."

"Not when you find such pleasant places to hide," he replies, still wearing that easy smile, "but to be honest, I was actually hoping you'd accompany me for the day. I can finally afford to take a bit of time away from the castle, and I think you and I both would appreciate some space to breathe. What do you say?"

Correct once again. You nod, and take the arm he offers you. As he leads you out from the gardens, he points out a few more plants native to your new homeland. They're incredibly varied, each more strange and vibrant than the last. All the while, he's somehow made you feel as though you're chatting with an old friend. You leave the gardens and wander towards the area you vaguely recall to be designated for horse stables and wyvern stalls.

From there, a few things happen in sequence. Khalid asks if you're afraid of flying. He asks if you trust him to hold on to you. He helps you up onto the saddle that seems impossibly high up on its own right, and then, you're propelled into the air with a force your body has never felt before. You tense and shrink back against his chest, clinging to whatever part of the saddle you can find purchase on for dear life. Up here, it's difficult to pick up, but you feel your husband laugh behind you, then his strong arm wrap around your waist.

"Relax, I won't let anything happen to you," he says against your ear, his voice sure and steady, "I've got you."

And it takes a few miles of flying and a lot of Khalid distracting you by pointing out different buildings and shops along the streets below, but eventually, you do manage to relax- at least a little.

The castle town is positively buzzing with activity. Even from your distance in the sky above, you can see clusters of people moving around each other like fish up stream, and even hear the faint echoes of a merchant advertising goods.

"It doesn't seem at all like the Almyra we're taught about in Fodlan."

"Oh, it is," Khalid assures you with a bemused chuckle, "But it's also much more. I imagine it's the same for your people. There's a lot we can learn from one another, I think."

By the time the sun is high in the sky, you've passed the most densely settled part of town and are gliding over farmland and the occasional pocket of forest and rivers that split and cross through the earth like veins. Though, the warmer climate of Almyra will still take some getting used to, and it seems your husband considers this.

"Let's land for a bit and find some shade,"

You nod, and he directs his wyvern to begin a slow descent.

The King had thought of everything for this little day-trip, it seemed. Having evidently packed everything you'd need in the saddlebags on his steed, you now recline beside him on a plush blanket in a clearing amidst the trees. A small brook bubbles down from stone to stone in small waterfalls beside you, and the air feels positively alive with birdsong and rustling leaves, all foreign to you and all part of your new home. And so is he, you think as you glance over at the handsome figure of your husband beside you.

You'd been sitting in a comfortable quiet, munching on a couple of very dense pastries which Khalid had told you incorporated an extract of the flower you'd sampled earlier. He gives a satisfied sigh as he finishes his first and lies back on the blanket, taking in and savoring a deep breath. As you finish the last bites of your own treat, you reflect on the day thus far. You'd learned much about the locals and their daily lives by observation and Khalid's description in such a short time, and he'd even taught you a hand full of basic words and phrases in Almyran.

"Uhm, Khalid?"

He opens one eye and gives you a sideways glance.

"It was... dhonnobad, right? Thank you?"

His smile his open and warm, his eyes practically shimmering in the reflected sunlight from the nearby brook.

"Well, we'll have to work on your pronunciation, but I'm impressed you remembered," he beckons you down onto the blanket beside him, and you follow, lying on your side as he turns towards you. You're closer than you'd anticipated, even given the limited realestate of the blanket, and you internally scold yourself for being shy about something so silly- like some naive adolescent.

"Let's try a couple more words, since you've been such a diligent student."

"Okay," you say with a smile, "try me, I'll do my best."

"Hmm..." he looks around your private clearing, then gestures towards the brook and says, "Jala"

"Jala," you repeat slowly. He nods,

"Right- that's 'water'. And, uhm..." he points toward a patch of wildflowers at the edge of the brook, "Phula. That's 'flower'."

Again, you repeat as best you can, and though you know your pronunciation must be off, he's encouraging nonetheless. Then, he leans in towards you, and brings his free hand to your cheek, his fingertips brushing your skin lightly.

"Now try sundara."

"... Sundara?" you make an attempt, and you're sure you got something about that 's' sound mixed up, but Khalid just gives you a slanted smile. He doesn't clarify at first, so you ask, "What does that one mean?"

His fingers slowly weave back into your hair, and his voice is low and soothing as he replies,

"That means 'beautiful'."

Your face warms immediately, but you hardly have a moment to feel bashful about it before he presses his lips to yours, kissing you slow and deep. His movements are effortlessly sensual, pulling you towards him and sending your pulse pounding through your veins. You part your lips to him almost instinctively, and the way he uses his tongue is sparing, but oh-so effective. When he finally pulls away, your head is spinning and it's all you can do to meet his gaze.

"So... that's how they kiss in Almyra." you say, barely above a whisper. Khalid smirks and turns you onto your back, sliding an arm around your waist.

"Oh, no- there's no tradition in this, only skill."

Goddess- if they'd warned you of the King's supernatural charms, you wouldn't have believed them. But now his lips are on yours once again, and he's holding your body to his, and you can't think of anything else. Your arms drape across his shoulders, and faster than you can track, your bodies have met in a tangled, impassioned embrace. It was hard to imagine that mere kissing could feel so erotic, but something about his pace, about how his lips and hands move in tandem, about how thorough he is in exploring you, makes you feel like it would be only natural to give yourself over to him completely.

His kiss travels along your jawline up to the shell of your ear, where he nips briefly, then murmurs,

"I was hoping to apologize for how little time we've had to get to know each other before today," you bite at your bottom lip as his hand slides down to the curve of your hip, "if that would be pleasing to you, my dearest wife."

"Ye- yes..." you sigh into the open air as his lips reach your neck. The single word is all either of you need. He never stops pressing lavish kisses to your lips and neck as he pulls your clothing out of his way. By the time he's satisfied, your clothes are draped off your arms and pooling around you on the blanket- and he doesn't seem to care to remove them entirely. He has a goal in mind.

Slowly, painstakingly, he makes his way down your body. You feel him everywhere- hands tracing and memorizing your frame, breath hot across your skin as his lips spoil you with adoring kisses. Soon enough, he's kissed his way to your lower stomach, and he urges your thighs apart beneath him. You suppress the instinctive wave of embarrassment at being exposed to him for the first time- he is your husband and your King, afterall- but then, his head dips down towards your plump lower lips, and your mind goes white.

"Khalid-!" you gasp out as his tongue trails coyly up the crease of your folds. He hums contentedly, and places a disarmingly chaste kiss to the soft skin. Then, his thumbs gently spread you open for him, and your entire body burns while he takes a moment to merely admire you- your pretty little hole already wet, your clit already hard and flushed dark. When his head lowers once more, his green eyes meet yours steadily, as though to promise without words to be good to you.

And in a moment, his mouth begins to gently tease your clit, and your head tilts back on the blanket. Your hips jerk just a bit with each pass of his tongue across the sensitive bundle, and occasionally you can't hold in a gasp or whimper of pleasure. This only encourages him, of course. The more you moan and sigh, the more dedicated he becomes to your body. He presses himself more firmly to you, his lips surrounding your clit and the surrounding tender flesh, and he suckles on you, licks you, kisses you. You don't know when it happened, but your hands are at the back of his head, fists tangled in thick brown hair as he diligently works.

The unbearable tension is winding tight and anxious in your lower body- you know he'll drive you to climax before long, and the mere thought feels like falling in love. And then Khalid moves lower, and his tongue dips inside of your entrance. You gasp and unwittingly tug on his hair- but he certainly doesn't seem to mind. With a lustful groan, he presses more firmly to you, truly buried against your body as his dexterous tongue curls upward, stroking the vulnerable spot behind the nerves of your clit.

"Khalid!" this time it's nearly a scream, and you're grateful that your voice is lost in the surrounding foliage. Your thighs begin to shake, and your hands release him to instead clutch the blanket behind you. And at last, with a whimper in a voice you hardly recognize, your lower body floods with soaked warmth as your orgasm sweeps through you. Panting, twitching, you moan out for your husband over and over, until finally, the wave begins to subside, and Khalid pulls away to position himself above you on all fours.

"That's a nice expression..." he says with a grin, directing you to look at him with a hand at your chin, "I hope I'll get to see it often."

When your eyes finally refocus, you look up at him somewhat apologetically,

"I should... attend to you."

He laughs and kisses your forehead,

"There will be time for that tonight, don't you think? Once we're a bit more... put together," he says with a glance at your bare form, "we should head back to our ride. I'll bring you back to the castle, and we'll get the cooks to prepare something very 'Almyran' for you."

You nod- it probably wouldn't do for the first time with your Lord Husband to be mid-day in the woods. Though he'd certainly failed to make it seem unappealing.

"And then," he goes on, bringing a finger to trace the curve of your bottom lip, "Well, maybe we'll excuse ourselves to our bedchamber a bit early this evening, and we can continue this little... cultural exchange."

[sugadaily]

On tvN’s You Quiz on the Block, SUGA told stories from before his debut. The period of his life when he struggled with how to live off his music. SUGA and BTS have kept going and going for eight years, and now he’s on their grounds, where he can do anything he wants musically. What began with that long journey is the story of SUGA holding his head up higher and staring at the future, reaching for it.

How are you feeling after your shoulder surgery? You’re doing physical therapy in parallel with work. SUGA: I’m all right. I’m keeping up with the physical therapy, too. I had surgery last year because I wanted to be able to go back to work sooner. I have nothing else to do except music.

You said that there’s nothing for you to do other than music in the “BE-hind Story” interview on YouTube, too. SUGA: It’s true. I tried gaming, but I have no talent for it. The people I play with online get so frustrated if I do. I mean, I’m working hard and got some recognition in my life, and yet people bash me so hard in games. (laughs)

I wonder if there’s a game you can do better in than you do in your career. You’re currently at your sixth week at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 [with “Butter, at the time of this interview]. (laughs) How are you feeling these days? SUGA: When we were at number one for two weeks straight, I was like, Wow, this is so amazing! But after the fifth or sixth week, we really started to talk about it between ourselves: I really can’t believe this. Anyway, I feel like I have a responsibility. And I think I’ll end up thinking much, much more when we get ready for the next promotion. Even if I just try to enjoy this situation, it hasn’t sunk in. We can’t leave the country, plus there’s lots of issues in the world right now that are much more important than how well we perform on the charts.

As you say, it’s a tough situation, all over the world. How do you feel about releasing “Permission to Dance,” with its positive message, at this point in time? SUGA: It seems like everyone around the world is really tired of this situation dragging out. I wanted to convey a message that tells people to keep hanging on to hope until the very end. Whereas we released the album BE in this situation, seemingly without any certainty, I believe things will slowly get better now. I don’t know if we can go back to the way things were before, but I’m still working with the hope that we can return to a situation that resembles what we had before.

Aren’t you tired of the pandemic being in this prolonged state? SUGA: I look at it as, when you lose one thing, you gain another. I ended up being able to see my family more since I’m in Korea. In that sense, I feel more stable, so I’m not so much tired as hoping each day that things will become okay soon. I keep moving back and forth between work and home, and I’ve started to reflect on parts of myself I didn’t know about before. Like that I feel somewhat comfortable when I start and finish work at a certain time. While I used to have to go to bed at a certain time for work the next day or else I had a hard time getting up early, now I know I’ve figured out what time I should wake up at to make sure I feel good all day. What I pursue in life is emotional stability, and I don’t think there’s really anything too exciting or sad happening these days.

What effect do those emotions have when you work on music? SUGA: They don’t have a big effect on it. I think it affects the way I write lyrics a bit, but I’m not working on any lyrics at the moment. I’ve been making music for a long time, so I think it’s possible for me to express emotions I’m not feeling in the moment. And it’s good that we released “Permission to Dance” in this kind of situation.

You sing rather than rap in “Permission to Dance.�� In addition to rapping, you started singing more both before and after BE. What did you learn about your voice? SUGA: “Permission to Dance” was a little bit difficult. I don’t draw a line between singing and rapping or anything, but it was different from our usual style, and the vocals were a bit high, too. So even though it took a while to prepare for it, I worked hard, and even when I asked some older musicians for their opinions, they all said, “It’s good the way you’re doing it. Don’t try to sing better—just sing more.” I think my only option is to sing more, like they suggested.

As far as style goes, you’ve been doing a smoother kind of pop music. Did any differences arise as a result of these changes? SUGA: All things considered, the English was the hardest part. I paid close attention to my pronunciation in “Butter” and “Permission to Dance.” It wasn’t easy to capture that smooth feeling in the songs, so I practiced my pronunciation quite a bit. And I end up breathing a lot when I’m doing an English song, but the rap parts were a bit hard for that reason. There’s a clear difference from Korean songs, since English has so many syllables. But I don’t have any one method I stick with for my vocals yet, so I tend to try lots of different things out.

What do you make of BTS’s achievements over the past year with “Permission to Dance” and “Butter,” as well as the group’s change in style? In the space of a year, you’ve released songs in a style different from MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 or BE. SUGA: As a producer, I think reactions are important to an artist who works within the field of popular music. With that in mind, speaking as a producer, “Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance” were the best choices. And musical tastes are different from country to country, and the cultures are different, too. Given that situation, I think it’s important that we’re a group who can send such a universal message out into the world.

BTS has really grown and changed a lot, starting with “No More Dream” and all the way to “Permission to Dance.” SUGA: I think it’s a natural course of event for those of us who make pop music. Artists mix and match different genres as they grow, and the music develops as the people of its time listen to it. I’ve been listening to a ton of music lately, and thanks to the times we live in, if I listen to a song a few times, they recommend me more songs in a similar style. And after listening to them, I realized the style of hip hop is also changing and is splitting off into different offshoots. Other than hip hop, I also listen to a lot of instrumental music. I’ve always liked Hans Zimmer’s music. There have been many times where a movie I like turns out to have music by Hans Zimmer.

What is it about Hans Zimmer’s music that draws you in? SUGA: I like orchestral music. There’s a lot of pop songs that are under the three-minute mark now, and whereas it’s sort of predetermined that they’re always written with intros that are four bars long, orchestral music can do a lot within its framework.

But, as can be seen in IU’s song “eight,” which you both produced and featured on, you broke out of pop music’s typical composition style and tried out a highly condensed progression. The composition of the chorus is very straightforward. SUGA: Yes. I insisted that the flow be roughly cut in half from that of a typical song, and I expect more pop music will be like that in the future. And maybe even shorter as time goes on. I mean, these days there’s songs that are under two minutes, even.

Regardless, I felt the chorus in “eight” is extremely dramatic with its structure and the melody of the chorus. I thought it was rather grand in scale as well. Would you say that you’re attempting to mix your tastes and things you want to do into the structure of pop music? SUGA: As you know, I love hip hop, so when I was first making music I thought it had to be hip hop no matter what and that I had to take pride in my own ideas and not accept any compromise. But while getting some experience at the forefront of pop music, I figured out that you can keep being stubborn or inflexible because there are people listening to you. There was a time I made music without any listeners before I became a member of BTS. But if someone were to ask if I stopped being stubborn about the music I’m making these days, the answer’s no. As I grew up and became an adult, I came to realize that I have to negotiate between what I want to do and the kind of music the public wants without compromising anything. When I give up on something I wanted to do, I ask myself, What will I get out of this? And conversely, when I want to do something, I ask myself, What can I get out of this? That’s how I keep my balance to make it to where I am now.

You have no choice but to think about those things when you work on other artists’ songs, especially when you’re a producer. SUGA: I’m BTS’s SUGA, and I’m Agust D, and when I’m producing, I go by “by SUGA.” But when it comes to by SUGA, I make perfectly commercial music. I’m the producer for those songs, sure, but the owner is someone else, you know? In that case, they’re commissioning my work. But they wouldn’t think about just leaving it all with SUGA. The artist’s label has to think carefully about whether to commission me for producing and consider my situation, too, and those people must be hoping for something commercial. That’s the most important part of working with outside people. Actually, that kind of work isn’t much of a benefit to me, to be honest. Oh, he can write this kind of song, too. That’s all. The more valuable thing I can get from it is the recognition and records the artist or the company will get with the song instead.

As you noted in your previous Weverse Magazine interview, when you discussed your “interest in the music industry in the US,” you seem to constantly think about the things artists can do within the framework of the music industry. SUGA: I don’t know. It’s just that I’ve become more certain since the pandemic started that I’m the kind of person who always has to be doing music. That much I know for sure, so I want to keep on making good music. And the pop music market is something that came about because there were people listening, and there’s a long history to the US music market, and it possesses the most influential charts in the whole word. So then I thought, Wouldn’t they have gone through all the same things that we have? And really, whenever I talk to other pop stars, the situation is always similar. The US is also more realistic about commercial results than any other country. I wanted an accurate picture of how those people work. Right now, Korean pop music’s spread is in full swing and we need more good artists to keep popping up. From a producer’s standpoint, if that’s going to happen, I think the key is how well we can mix our music and the characteristics of overseas music industries overall.

How did it feel to be in the lineup for the Grammy Awards, one of the icons of the US music industry? SUGA: The feeling was less immediate because we couldn’t be there in person, and it wasn’t a huge distinction, but the performance made me think, This is different, because it’s the Grammys. What changed my view from the first time I went to an American music awards ceremony was, the first time I went, I was really scared of the world’s biggest music market. But when I look back now, I don’t think I had any reason to feel that intimidated. To be honest, I have only now begun to enjoy the awards ceremonies; I wasn’t able to then.

It’s no exaggeration to say that you’ve achieved most of the things that you can as an artist in the music industry. What steps do you think are necessary for the artists who follow after BTS? SUGA: The way artists work seems so difficult. They make an appearance on a different music show every day once the promotional period begins, meaning the exhaustion artists face is enormous, and that fatigue often results in injuries as it adds up. That kind of music show is for promotional purposes, so it’s not like the artists can earn a proper income from them. On top of that, despite all the promoting, there’s no visible outcome, so they inevitably lose morale. If possible, it’d be nice to have one of the performances be really high-quality, even if it’s just the one, but in this environment I’d say that’s pretty difficult. And since our job doesn’t fit the common conception of work, there’s ambiguous boundaries when it comes to issues of legal protection as well. We need a lot of improvements to be made to the industry and its system.

They demand a lot of things as collateral for success, yet success is extremely difficult to attain. SUGA: The great thing about the label I’m with is they listen to the artists’ opinions. I think both we and the label know to a certain degree what kinds of activities would be best commercially speaking. But the question is whether the body can endure it or not. If the fatigue builds up as you continuously do those promotional activities, it’s hard to do them the way you did when you first debuted. In that case, I think the label ought to actively accommodate the artist’s views about what they can and cannot do. An attitude that’s just like, Oh, we made you kids, and as long as you just do what we tell you to it’ll all work out, so just do it—I think that really doesn’t make any sense. Of course, there could still be situations where the label has to be pushy like that, obviously. But I heard there’s been times where a label will just say, Do it, without any explanation to the artist, or, Why are you talking so much? I think that’s the biggest issue and it’s destroying the industry. If you just see the artist as a product, how can they do anything creative? I really think it’s very contradictory to ask the people on stage to put on an enjoyable performance when they’re experiencing neither fun nor enjoyment.

That reminds me of the music video for “Daechwita” somehow. You appear onscreen as both a rebel character and a king, looking as different as your situation when you first debuted with BTS and your situation now. SUGA: There was a lot I wanted to do in “Daechwita,” not just musically but also visually, and a lot of ideas came to me as I came to reflect on who I am as a person while working on the music video. It naturally occurred to me to separate SUGA, by SUGA and Agust D. The character I played in that video who wasn’t the king was a stranger. It takes place during the Joseon era, but then there’s cars and guns, which of course don’t belong in that era. I think we’ve been living our lives that way. Right from our debut, a portion of the hip hop lovers criticized us by saying, They’re idols. But at the same time, we heard things like, They’re not idols. I didn’t know which drumbeat to march to, so I think that’s why each of our albums took a different direction than people were expecting. But I don’t think I can call myself a stranger in this situation anymore. So these days my main goal is to keep going with BTS for a long time. Having a huge audience show up at our concerts is nice, but I think the goal for all of us is to make sure the group can keep making music even as we get older. I think right now we’re thinking a lot about how we can have fun and be happy on stage.

What do you mean when you say fun and happy music? SUGA: I think people are happier the busier I am, so lately I’ve been thinking that I need to focus a little more. I figure we should do as much as we can for ARMY since they feel happy watching us. We’ll continue to try our best, so I hope they believe in BTS and keep their eyes on us.

So that’s why you do music. SUGA: This is the only thing I know how to really do. Other than music and BTS, there’s nothing special about me when I look at this 28-year-old Min Yoongi. That’s why I want to keep doing this.

[alvsstudies]

WaniKani for Kanji Studies

WaniKani, for all your kanji learning needs~

WaniKani, the glorious, glorious site that’s been a permanent tab on my computer for years. Boy, where do I even begin to describe the wonder that is this kanji studying website and its community? Actually, other than the very basics I’ll probably stick to mentioning the things I personally love about it and let you explore the ins and outs of the page on your own, because the WK community site already has loads and loads of guides, support, and tips ‘n tricks for you if you want to give it a go and need someone to point you in the right direction. Oh, and then there’s also the official knowledge guide which includes FAQ, of course. Heaps of information on there. Totally recommend it. 🐊🦀✨

“Everything you need to know about waiting a really long time for your precious reviews”

“Okay, okay, we get it. But, what is WaniKani?” Ah. Right. Well, first things first, in Japanese ワニ (wani) means crocodile, or alligator, and カニ (kani) means crab. The mascot for the page is the almighty Crabigator that is more or less worshipped by the community. If you venture into the weird parts of it, that is. But if you’re not into that stuff you can just. Y’know. Forget everything I just wrote and pretend it doesn’t exist. 

Through WK you get to memorise both kanji and vocabulary containing the kanji you learn. 2,000 kanji may sound like intimidatingly many squiggles and lines to learn, but nope! WK’s got your back! Instead of memorising each and every line, you learn using radicals. Suddenly you’ll look at a kanji and see three radicals instead of 10+ strokes. Magic ✨ You’ll also learn the different pronunciations/readings of the kanji, and when you learn new vocabulary you’ll have a bunch of example sentences of varying difficulty help you see the word in its proper context.

Kanji readings made easy. And fun!

The learning process is separated into different levels (60 in total), each containing a certain amount of radicals, kanji, and vocabulary. There is a “Lessons” button for learning new stuff, and a “Reviews” button for reviewing the stuff you’ve previously learnt. Easy peasy, right? 🍋

Welp, that’s essentially the gist of it. I’ll now introduce some of the things I love about WK real quick:

First few levels for free - this way you’ll get a feel for how WK works while at the same time learn some basic kanji. Then you’re free to choose which type of membership you’d like to purchase (if any). (It’s so worth it though, if you ask me)

SRS: spaced repetition system - to optimise learning based on how human memory works. Greatly appreciated by my psychology major brain 

The design, art, layout - clean, colourful, pretty, simplistic, professional, and easy to use only begins to describe it! Besides, how could we possibly hope to learn anything at all if the page weren’t aesthetically pleasing, amirite 

Humour - good god there’s nothing worse than really dry textbook material. How about some really dry humour instead? Believe me, there are some GEMS in the example sentences

Game-like - the level up system makes you want to keep going back for more so you can level up. It’s sort of like that TED-talk about the Super Mario Effect: you’re so engrossed in the “I want to level up!” mindset that you forget that you’re actually learning heaps of useful kanji in the process

Community - whether you want someone to answer your questions about those pesky particles, want to laugh at extremely disproportionate manga drawings people have found while reading, want to practice chatting in Japanese with fellow learners, want a morale boost by checking out some wholesome doodles and gifs, lowkey want to join a Crabigator cult or want to join a Japanese book club - the WK community is the place to go. I just wanted to learn some kanji, man. Who would’ve thought I’d make actual, solid friendships? Aw. Wholesome  

And last but not least:

The Tofugu guys who run the show - accommodating, kind, funny, professional, and quick to reply if something’s up. You see them lurking around in the community posts sometimes. You should totally consider checking out their articles about Japan and Japanese learning over on their blog, Tofugu. Super helpful! Or their podcast about the same stuff. All good times over there. (One of my personal faves is probably the one about ようかい.) They’re also currently working on developing a Japanese-learning-online-textbook-type of thing (...nailed it) called EtoEto. Super excited for that!

And that’s that on that! 🎊 If you have any questions about WK just send me an ask or pop by the WK Community (my @ in case you want to say hi: Alolvovan). Happy kanji learning! 頑張って！

[odos-bucket]

So I was reading @andillwriteyouatragedy​‘s incredible Brand New Day where Bruce and Clark adopt a young Dick Grayson together, and was thinking about a sort of companion story where they take in Jason together too. Using that story as a rough reference, I’m gonna say they’ve been together for a decade or so here. Dick is somewhere in his late teens. I’m figuring Clark probably offers to tag along on Bruce’s annual trip to crime alley every year. Bruce always politely declines. It’s basically become a part of the day’s bleak tradition. Clark is surprised when for once his offer is accepted. Later on, if pressed, neither of them would be able to pinpoint what was different about that night that made Bruce decide that it might be okay to have some company for once. Clark probably feels weird about it at first. Even though he’d asked Bruce if he wanted company, and Bruce had said yes, which he never would have unless he’d absolutely meant it (and Clark knows that). It still feels a little like he’s intruding on something private, even sacred. Then of course they get there, and there’s nothing going on. Superman’s senses don’t pick up the slightest hint of disruption anywhere in the neighborhood. Maybe they start patrolling around it anyways, maybe they just wander for a couple of blocks. Sooner or later they overhear someone talking about how it’s this night every year that Batman comes calling. Local criminals have picked up on the fact that if they just keep their heads down for this one specific night they can pretty much avoid him. Bruce is all grumbly about it, and immediately goes into ~strategy mode~ like, “Okay, I’ll have to start coming here on different days, on an irregular schedule.” He immediately opens up a dozen different tabs in his brain with calendars, and crime statistics, and is thinking a mile a minute, because that’s what he does. He’s kind of agitated about needing to change something that’s been a ritual for so long (because Batman has OCD, fight me) and he’s annoyed at himself for being bothered by it. Absolutely none of this sudden inner turmoil is detectable in his expression or body language. But Clark knows Bruce, knows how he reacts to things, and that there’s no way he’s not annoyed right now. He says, “Sounds like tonight will be a bust if we stay here,” then when Bruce grunts in response, continues, “We could go back to the manor. Watch a movie.” Then after a pause. “Or we could patrol somewhere else.” A moment passes. When Bruce says, “Okay,” Clark isn’t sure which suggestion he’s agreeing to, but they start back towards the car. It’s not a long walk, but they aren’t moving particularly quickly. By the time they get back to the batmobile it only has one wheel.

Clark frowns as he walks closer, before being stopped in his tracks by a surprising sound. It’s a sound that he recognizes immediately, that he hears all too infrequently. Bruce is laughing. Clark’s mouth quirks into a half smile. He takes a few steps forward, thinking about just picking the whole thing up and flying it back home. Then from a few paces ahead he hears Bruce’s low, gravelly Batman voice say, “Hi there.” Once he’s tuned in to the idea of another presence nearby, it becomes obvious to his advanced senses that someone is lurking behind the car. “Shit,” a small voice says. Bruce takes a few steps closer. “Planning on finishing the job?” He gestures to their remaining wheel. Clark shifts until he can get the kid partially in his sight without the aid of x-ray vision. He’s small, and looks to be somewhere in his pre-teens. “I got no idea what you’re talking about,” he says quickly. “Oh really?” Bruce asks. The boy glares at him. “Nice tire iron,” Bruce continues. “Comes in handy.” “I bet it does.” No sooner than the words are out of Bruce’s mouth, the tool is colliding with his shin. The boy shoots out from behind the car, and down a nearby street. Clark starts toward Bruce, who quickly gestures for him to go after the kid instead. He catches up with him in less than a second. When his hand falls onto the kid’s shoulder he freezes, muscles tightening throughout his body, and heart rate speeding up rapidly. The fear response is so sudden and extreme that Clark finds himself pulling away as if he’s been burned. The anxiety around being feared is something he’s mostly left in his past, but there’s a deep rooted insecurity within him that it still prods at. The kid stumbles when he starts to run again, and by then Bruce has caught up. They hang back, but trail after the boy at a distance, until they reach a condemned building a few blocks away. “Should we go in?” Clark asks. “Probably where my tires are,” Bruce says, before climbing through an uncovered doorway. It isn’t hard to find him again. There aren’t too many heartbeats in the area to distinguish between. When Bruce opens the door to the dilapidated room, the boy’s pulse rate jumps through the roof. Nothing changes externally about him though, and Clark wonders whether or not Bruce can tell that he’s afraid of them. There’s the slightest vibration to his words when he speaks. “Okay, take your stupid tires already. I’m sorry, all right? Just leave me alone!” Bruce isn’t looking at his tires. He’s looking around the room, no doubt noticing the same things that Clark has, mold, water damage, a broken window. The place is freezing. Then in the corner there’s a cardboard box with some pasta and canned goods in it, a small stack of books, and a mattress on the floor. “Do you… live here?” Bruce asks. “Yeah. What of it?” Bruce takes a few more steps into the room. “Where are your parents, son?” Clark asks. “Mom’s dead. I dunno where Dad is; don’t really care, if I’m being honest. Now take your stuff and go already!” He’s holding the iron up again, wielding it in a manner that’s clearly meant to be threatening. Bruce plucks it out of his hands with relative ease, inspects it, then turns it around and hands it back. “Move your thumb up like this, and you’ll have a sturdier grip. And don’t stand with your legs so far apart, it’ll put you off balance.” He sighs. “What’s your name?” “… Jason.” He grabs the tire iron back, shuffling to adjust his grip and footing, keeping his stance defensive. Bruce looks around the place again. “You can’t stay here, Jason.” “Oh yeah? Says who? I can take care of myself! Been doing it for long enough.” Bruce glances up at Clark, who can see the wheels turning in his head, before looking back at Jason. “I’d really like the wheels of my car back,” he says carefully, then hurries to continue before Jason can interject. “Can I make you a deal? We’ll buy you dinner if you reattach the batmobile’s tires?”

There’s a fast food place a couple of blocks away that’s open 24 hours. Jason agrees to accompany them, but walks a few yards behind. The employees at the place aren’t at all phased by the appearance of the two vigilantes. Bruce inspects a suspicious stain on one of the walls, while Jason and Clark look at the menu posted above the counter. They order- Bruce gets two of what Jason asks for- then go outside to eat. Bruce is lost in thought as they exit the restaurant, wondering what it would take to bring free food trucks to the area. Jason’s halfway done with his meal by the time they sit down on the sidewalk. “Do you go to school around here?” Bruce asks, wanting to put together a fuller picture of the boy’s situation. Jason gets a distant look in his eyes in response to the question. He finishes chewing slowly, swallows, then shakes his head, clearing his throat before replying. “No. Not for a long time now.” He shrugs. “I got all I needed to out of it.” “You had some pretty advanced reading material back at your place for someone who didn’t finish middle school.” Bruce recalled seeing The Odyssey amongst his few possessions, as well as a couple of Shakespeare plays. Jason shrugs again. “Reading’s not that hard.” “Some people find it very difficult,” Clark says. “Some people are stupid.” Bruce cuts in before Clark can start on the gentle reprimand he can see him preparing. “Ever think that maybe you’re just smart?” Jason gives him a curious look, like that really wasn’t a possibility that he had considered before, then takes another bite, and stares off thoughtfully. “So, Homer,” Bruce prompts. Jason nods. “It’s a fun story. Odi-seuss is a dick though.” Bruce resists both the compulsion to correct his pronunciation of ‘Odysseus’, and Alfred’s voice in the back of his head urging him to tell the kid not to swear. “What makes you say that?” He asks instead. Jason looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Gee, I don’t know, maybe all the pillaging, and murdering he does throughout the entire book.” “Poem,” Bruce corrects. “What?” “The Odyssey is a poem.” “Wait, really?” Bruce hums an affirmative. “Huh… cool. But the point still stands.” “I’m inclined to agree with you. Have you ever read The Scarlet Pimpernel?” Jason shakes his head. “It’s been a personal favorite for a long time,” says Bruce. Clark shoots him an amused grin. “I’ll keep an eye out for anyone throwing out a copy,” Jason says. Bruce frowns. “You have a library around here.” The remark earns him an unamused snort. “It’s a Gotham library; people don’t go there to read books, they go there to buy, sell and/or ingest drugs, and they tend not to be too happy with anybody who’s lingering around while they’re doing it.” Bruce feels a pang, not for the first time that night. “Jason,” he starts, before realizing he isn’t sure what to say. Jason keeps angled to watch him expectantly as he rises to deposit his napkins and bag in a nearby trashcan. “We’d like to help you,” Clark says. “Yeah,” Jason scoffs. “Right. Just how do you plan on doing that? Because I’ve heard that before. I’ve done the whole foster care thing already, and I’m not about to go through it again.” “No,” Bruce is quick to agree. “But there are residential schools in the city. We could help you to get enrolled in one.” Jason seems taken aback by the offer. “…Why?” He asks slowly. “Well for one, because kids should be in school. You’d be provided with room and board for the duration of your time there, which would leave you with less to worry about.” He reaches out to pass Jason the second takeout bag. He’s still lingering at a distance from them. “At least think about it?” “No. I mean, like, why?” Bruce’s eyebrow raises, tugging at the material of his cowl. “What’s in this for you?” Jason continues. “Why do you even care?” “It’s our job,” Clark says. “You’re job is to beat up bad guys.” Clark smiles when Jason mimes punching someone, before saying, “Our job is to help people.” Jason purses his lips. “Don’t boarding schools cost money?” “Most of them offer scholarships,” Bruce says. “I have a few friends who are deans. I could make the necessary introductions to ensure you a place at one of their institutions.“ Jason’s arms are crossed high over his chest, and his expression is set like he’s deep in thought. “I don’t want to end up stuck somewhere where someone else is the boss of me.” “How about you at least come with us to check a couple of these places out,” Bruce suggests. “Just see how you feel about them. No commitment.” Jason’s nose scrunches up. “Where exactly are these places?” He asks. “It varies,” Bruce says. “All within the city.” They watch the boy chew on the inside of his lip for a moment. “Just to see,” he says eventually. Bruce nods. “I’m not getting into a car with you,” Jason adds. “We can take the bus,” Clark offers. Jason raises an eyebrow at that, and his mouth quirks almost into a smile. “Batman and Superman are gonna ride on Gotham’s shitty public transit?” “Why not?” Clark asks. “… Okay,” Jason says, still plainly unconvinced. “Let’s meet back here,” Bruce suggests. “Tomorrow?” Jason takes a minute, but eventually starts to nod. “Sure,” he says. “Why not.” They part ways after Clark disposes of his empty bag. The heroes return to their car.

While they’re driving back Clark says, “I know that look.” Bruce pauses to take stock of his own expression, and makes sure to neutralize anything on his face that might be out of the ordinary. Clark continues, unbothered by the lack of response. “It’s your ‘I’m already deeply emotionally invested in this kid’ look.” Bruce hums noncommittally. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep tonight,” Clark adds. Bruce doesn’t either, but that’s par for the course at this point.

Part Two

[wasabito]

had so much fun writing for my baby boy tendou, so here’s my entry for the hqhq sfw server collab! be sure to check out the rest on the masterlist found here! enjoy ✨

words: 3.0k

prompt: “you woke me up at 3am for this?”

synopsis: your neighbor is ridiculous, kind of annoying and little bit on the weird side, but you wouldn’t have him any other way.

You had to be the biggest idiot on the planet—an obvious exaggeration, yes, but you were still inclined to believe it was true. 

How else could you explain the feeling of being so utterly fed up with one’s actions like this? Were there enough words in the dictionary to describe just how exhausted you were by your own antics, more specifically, your forgetfulness since that’s what had landed you in a world of pain and embarrassment?

The answer was no.

You sat with your back pressed against your front door, head in your hands and chin tucked between your raised knees and chest. At your side was your wallet along with stacks of newspapers, coupons and whatever else had been stuffed in your mailbox, bills probably. Advertisements too. Honestly, it was hard to be happy about a new restaurant opening up down the block when you were currently stuck—locked out of your apartment to be precise.

The landlord of your cheap little complex wasn’t expected to be back for another hour according to the sign posted outside of his office. So until then, you’d remain posted up by your doorstep like some loiterer. 

You shifted in place and blew a puff of air from your lips, feeling little pinpricks in your legs. For the fifth time in the last forty-five minutes you felt like kicking yourself, hard.

The sun hung low, nearly touching the distant horizon signifying the end of another day. Even the sky was painted a warm umber, casting dim shadows.

“Locked out, huh?” came a snide, but accented voice.

It took you way longer than necessary to realize that suddenly you weren’t the only person on this floor. God, where was your head at?

A pair of forest green crocs stood before you, complete with a few odd charms and trinkets. A cartoon volleyball, pinned next to a smiley face, a donut and a gaudy “i heart paris” chain dangling from the ankle strap. A person’s shoes could say a lot about who they were...your mother thought so, at least.

Resisting the urge to projectile vomit all over this stranger’s rather questionable taste in footwear, your wary gaze panned upward, glossing over white tube socks and a pair of the longest legs you’ve ever seen on a person—yet another exaggeration. You came face to face with a crooked smile. Curious ruby eyes returned your stare with almost the same amount of scrutiny.

Who the hell was this guy?

Mystery-man easily towered over you, and not only because you were hunched over and sitting. He was tall as hell, all lanky build, gangly arms and legs disguising lithe muscle and a surprisingly sturdy frame. He looked like the i-run-every-morning type; semi-athletic at the very least. His buzzed hair was the color of cinnamon, no that wasn’t right, paprika maybe? Either way, it contrasted sharply with the paleness of his skin, so much so that you could see the faint blue of the veins in his arms.

“Yoohooo, anybody hooome?” He tilted his head at you.

“Huh? Oh uh, yeah, I’m locked out. I forgot my key inside and Mr. Laurent won’t be back until later.”

“Hmm. That sucks...”

“...Um… do I… do I know you or something? You look a little familiar.”

He pinned you with a funny look, before pulling out a set of keys from the back pocket of his shorts.

“Maybe you do, maybe you don’t~ I mean we are neighbors, after all.” Laughing as if he’d made some sort of joke, he entered his apartment with a twirl and a dramatic wave of his arms.

You stared at his door for a solid minute, only to finally succumb to your urges and facepalm at your own idiocy. Of course he looked familiar, how could he not when he literally lived four feet away.

With a sigh of resignation, you braced yourself for another hour spent sitting outside your front door. It wasn’t like there was any other place you could go or anyone you could call. The battery icon on your phone blinked red, warning that it was soon to run out of juice. Guess that meant no Among Us or Subway Surfer for you.

Five minutes later, the door next to you opened. It was Mystery-man again, but this time, he sat in front of his door, just like you were. And he did so with a bag of pretzels and a jar of nutella in hand.

“Must be bored out here by yourself.” He crunched on a pretzel before offering you the bag to take some. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep ya company.”

You weren’t sure why, but there was something about this guy that intrigued you. You half-wondered if it was the funny little curl of his smile, or the wideness of his eyes that made it seem like he was looking at all of you, all at once. 

"You must be pretty bored...uh,"

"Satori Tendou, but most people call me Tendou. Miracle boy works just fine too."

"Right... Tendou, as I was saying, you must be incredibly bored to come sit out here with me. You sure you don't have anything important to do?"

Tendou's grinned widened. "Positive! And it costs me nothing to be neighborly, so don't even sweat it."

That was...nice of him?

If sitting outside with you was the way he wanted to spend his late Tuesday afternoon who were you to deny him? And truthfully, you didn't mind the company, at least not really. Provided this guy wasn't some creepy-stalker-weirdo, you were sure there wasn't any harm in getting to know the person who lived one door over.

"So, Tendou, how long have you lived in the area? You don't really look like you're from around here...I could be wrong."

Tendou raised a thin brow at you. "Weeeell, if you're asking about how long I've lived next door, it would be about three maybe four months give or take, but if you're asking how long I've lived in Paris, it would be a year next month. Speaking of, I think Semisemi has a birthday coming up..."

You watched as he pulled out his cell phone and tapped away at the illuminated glass screen. You couldn't help but notice the goofy little anime stickers on his phone case. One in particular caught your attention.

“Is that...Kirara? From Inuyasha??”

“Oho! So, you recognize this?”

Backtracking, you mumble out, “Ah, well…only a little.” Though your face was turned away, the tiny smile on your lips was not hidden from Tendou and he thought you were pretty cute.

Funnily enough, what you had expected to be a rather unnerving and possibly creepy exchange turned out to be anything but. Tendou was incredibly fun to talk to—a bit teasing and a little overwhelming with his superfluous hand movements and gestures. But he was funny and a lot kinder that you would’ve given him credit for.

You learned that he was originally from Japan; it explained his accented French. He had come to Paris right out of high school to study culinary arts in one of the most renowned countries for it. Now he worked as a chocolatier, under the tutelage of a master patisserie in the city, an older man who was both a creative genius and a thorn in Tendou’s side. Tendou spoke of his teacher with equal parts awe and annoyance. 

And he got to know you too. How you’d found yourself in Paris, thousands of miles away from home in an effort to rediscover yourself in the city full of rich history and culture. 

You didn’t have many friends here, and it truly was a pleasure to make his acquaintance.

Soon, you both heard the telltale sound of jangling keys as your landlord rounded the corner with his clipboard in hand. Once you were able to get your door open, you waved a goodbye to Tendou.

“Thanks for keeping me company, you really didn’t have to.”

“No biggie, it was fun!” He threw a mischievous little grin and a peace-sign over his shoulder and reentered his apartment. 

You found yourself wanting to cross paths with him again, and hopefully in better circumstances. But you hadn't known your wishful thinking was soon to manifest as you ambled through grocery store aisles a week later, eyeing down any items with pictures on it.

“Why in the hell is this toilet paper so expensive.” You mumbled.

“So, you complain about the price of toilet paper, but wear sneakers that cost two-thirds our rent.” That voice sounded familiar, and after hearing it for about an hour just days ago, you were a bit surprised you could recognize it so quickly. 

Stunned, you looked up to find Satori Tendou, your quirky neighbor with an arm full of pita chips, a milk carton, and baby carrots.

“I never said I made the best choices.” You found yourself smiling despite the previous crease in your brow. “...Dude, get a cart before you drop everything.”

Instead of getting his own, he simply dumped what he had into your cart with a teasing grin. You couldn’t argue with his logic there. Tendou sidled up against you, once again towering over you with a kind of ease that should be criminal. “Need help reading something?”

You wanted to say no. You almost said no. But swallowing your pride, you gave a weak nod. “Yeah, this word right here.” Pointing to the unfamiliar script printed on the label. “What the heck is this?”

“Weeeeell, looks like that brand is scented, ya know, for when ya—”

“Don’t bother finishing that sentence...please.”

You quickly grab what you need and continue on down the aisle with Tendou following closely behind.

Just like when you’d first met him, he made conversation the entire way. By the time you both made it to the cash registers, you’d argued at least three times over french pronunciations and whether cashews were the cousin of peanuts.

And just as last time, he left you with a grin and a peace-sign while you stared after his retreating back, paid groceries in hand.

After an entire day spent baking, you found yourself on Tendou’s doorstep with a tupperware full of baked goodies later the next evening. You had been meaning to thank him for being such a good neighbor to you. It was certainly unexpected, but a welcome gesture nonetheless.

You only had to knock twice before the door was wrenched open and you were greeted with the set of...vanilla? Some pop song played in the background while your neighbor looked at you curiously.

"H-Hey Tendou, I um...I baked you these." You held out the plastic container, hoping he'd simply take it from you without question and you could return to your apartment without somehow embarrassing yourself. "There's a little bit of everything in there, oatmeal raisin, chocolate chip, macadamia nut—wait you aren't allergic to anything, right?"

"Nooope! Not a thing, thanks neighbor!"

"It was no problem, especially since you've helped me, not once but twice now."

Frowning, you couldn't help but be a little upset with yourself. You'd come to France to prove that you could, in fact, live a normal life outside of your family’s jurisdiction but day by day you were proving to need them more and more. 

It was disappointing, to say the least.

"Hmm, what’s with the constipated look on your face. Did the toilet paper not help?” Tendou tilted his head at you with a teasing grin, lips curled at the edges, taunting. You blinked up at him, surprised, and if you were honest, a little annoyed too. 

"Hah?!"

"Just thought it was worth a mention, nighty-night~!"

Tendou proceeded to shut the door on you; one hand rested on the frame and the other held on to the cookies. You quickly took a step back lest he chop your entire arm off, ready to trudge off in the direction of your own home but not before sticking your tongue out at him.

Stupid Tendou, always saying stupid shit. 

You were on the couch, half asleep when it dawned on you that it had been his own twisted, “Tendou” way of cheering you up. 

The rest of the month passed just like that. Occasionally, you would bump into Tendou at the grocery store, or the leasing office, or even the laundromat. And every single time, he’d either make you laugh until your sides hurt or annoyed enough to want to give him a friendly punch. At one point, you two had even exchanged phone numbers, because according to Tendou “it was ridiculous not to have your friends on speedial” which only led to hours spent on Facetime or playing iMessage games.

You knew exchanging numbers would come back to bite you in the ass, it was only a matter of when.

It was clear you weren’t going to any sleep tonight, that was for sure. The incessant buzzing of your cell phone every five minutes was an enemy to your circadian rhythm. You could name on one hand those in your contacts with enough sense to know that you lived in a completely different time zone from them now.

Somehow your neighbor was the very last person you suspected, but it was his contact photo that stared back at you, goofy looking grin and all. You squinted against the brightness of your screen in your otherwise dark bedroom.

you up?

come quick

gotta show ya somethin

come oooon

you're awake, i know you are

It took you less than a minute to shuffle on a pair of slippers, grab your keys (you weren't going to forget them this time) and slip out of your apartment.

You hadn't even knocked twice before the door was pulled open. Tendou looked a mess, more so than usual. Unidentified stains littered the apron looped around his thin waist, streaks of what you hoped were just flour and granulated sugar were all over his hands. You almost wanted to ask if he was baking or dealing dope.

“You woke me up at three in the morning...for this?”

“Yuuup!”

"When I said you could call me at any time, I really didn’t mean any time.” You scratch your side, a contemplative look on your face at the sight of Tendou in what you would assume to be his pajamas. An old volleyball hoodie with the words "Shirazorizawa" printed across the front, and old sweats the were so obviously cut with scissors at the knee.

Rolling your eyes, you mumbled a curt, “Alright, move aside.”

Tendou ushered you over to his kitchen where several of his cooking supplies laid on the island, along with a tray of some chocolate dessert spread.

“It’s all still in the testing phase, but I think I’m onto something here.”

He was definitely giving off “mad scientist” vibes. You tried not to snort.

Holding a small chocolate cake in his hand, he smiled, a genuine smile this time. "Open wide."

You obeyed, far too tired to argue, and let him pop the treat into your mouth. Tendou watched as you chewed, as if it were the most interesting thing ever. His wide gaze carefully took in every shift in your expression.

"So? Whaddya think?"

"I...," You chewed a bit more. "...It's delicious! Is that—"

"—Pistachio, why yes it is!" 

Tendou was practically bouncing on his feet with excitement. "It takes the entire thing to a whole new level."

You had to agree with him there. This was probably the best chocolate madeleine you'd ever tasted. "Great work, miracle boy. Will you be introducing this new recipe to Claude?"

Mentioning his teacher seemed to sober him up a bit. "Ehh, maybe? The old man's a bit of traditionalist, so I'll just have to figure out a way to get him to approve."

"Maybe try calling him at three in the morning?" 

Tendou stuck his tongue out at you before popping a dessert in his mouth. The pure delight on his face was so contagious, you found yourself smiling just the same. You couldn’t help but admire his passion.

“Hey, Tendou… do you like your job?”

He blinked at you, chewing coming to a slow halt. “Well of course! The pay isn’t the best just yet, but it’s a labor of love. I’m willing to put my all into it at least.”

“Huh… that’s pretty cool.” You wiped your fingers on a nearby rag. “I hope to feel the same one day… if I can figure out what I wanna do.”

“Why not bake? You’re pretty good at it.”

“Oh am I? Last week you said my baking needed some work.”

“Well, duh, but my standards when it comes to confectionaries are impossibly high. Even so, I think you’d be successful as a baker. What’s stopping you from pursuing your labor of love?”

And that was the thing with Tendou. He talked a lot, teased even more, but it was never idle ramblings. Somehow, he always seemed to hit right at the heart of the issue with almost painfully uncomfortable accuracy.

“I don’t really know so…” You looked away, trailing off.

“Either way,” he said and placed a finger under your chin, raising your head until you were looking him in the eye. “I’m rooting for you.”

For a moment, you simply stared, awestruck. It was the first time in a long while someone was actually putting their faith in you, believing in you. He had come blazing into your life unabashed with his easy grins and gaze alight with mischief. His encouraging words, sincerity, sensitivity. Tendou was really incredible.

“Tendou…” You took his hand in yours, squeezing it. “Thanks. For everything.”

“Of course, what are neighbors for.”

BONUS:

Three months later you sat curled up next to Tendou on his sofa, his entire apartment smelled of chocolate cocoa with hints of cinnamon.

Before you was an application. Culinary school.

“You really think I can do this?”

Tendou placed his head on your shoulder with a tiny smirk. “One hundred and twenty percent!”

You pondered for a moment, then decided that if he thought you were up for the challenge then you’d believe him.

“For the record, you probably aren’t supposed to recommend your girlfriend for an interview. You know, conflict of interest and all.”

Tendou laughed and pulled you closer. “Trust me, we’ll be fine, so don’t worry your pretty little head, ‘kay?”

[fyeah-bangtan7]

Jimin: “There’s people who’ve been rooting for us throughout this difficult time”

In the “ARMY Corner Store” video posted by BTS on their YouTube channel BANGTANTV to mark the eighth anniversary of their debut, Jimin talked about the leather riding jacket that the older members passed down to him when he was still a trainee. The jacket was first worn by SUGA, handed down to j-hope after SUGA’s debut, then given to Jimin with the words, “This riding jacket is passed down from generation to generation.” Jimin still wears the jacket when it’s cold. Many things change, and, even in times when they must, there are things that do not.

You released three songs in a year: “Dynamite,” “Butter” and, finally, “Permission to Dance,” and BTS grew more popular all the while. How do you feel? Jimin: At some point, it stopped feeling real. The reactions from fans, the cover videos they uploaded and the dance challenges they did—I’m just so thankful for that. It lit up my life. We made those songs with a good purpose in mind, so just hearing people say they enjoyed listening to them was fulfilling. And that was our original goal. “Permission to Dance,” in particular, was the perfect message for right now, so I think I got a lot of comfort from it, too.

How so? Jimin: I think it was both the atmosphere and the actual content. It was comforting right from the title. Thinking about it now, the fact that it made me think, Oh yeah, I might not be able to see ARMY right now, but I will soon, was one good point. I’ve been thinking by myself about how the future’s going to be better, and being more careful, and ended up waiting longer. And meanwhile, we had a fan meeting in the middle of all that. So my thinking changed to be more positive. That was great.

Was there any part you placed particular emphasis on to express such positive emotions in the song? Jimin: I think I just followed my heart. Before, there’d be some kind of concept, and I wanted to show off something about myself in that context, but lately I’ve just been following my heart, following the feeling of conveying the feelings I want to share with others. At first I was worried whether the feelings we were trying to convey in the songs would get across to people since we’d never tried songs in those styles before, but after giving the performances a shot, we found out they’re really fun and easy for us to follow along to, too. So I thought it should be easy enough for people to approach these songs, thankfully.

Even though the three songs—“Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance”—all have something in common, I imagine they were all completely different when it came to figuring them out. You did “Butter” before “Permission to Dance”—how was that? Jimin: They’re totally different. The attitudes I take on are different, the thought process is different, and I think the emotions I feel are all different, too. I think “Butter” was a bit hard for me. It wasn’t a style I was used to, but I thought the actual dance was elegant when I saw the video and it had a lot of footwork, so I thought I’d be good at it, but it was way harder than I thought. During practice I even thought, Why am I so bad at dancing? If you look at our usual choreography, it has very powerful parts with big movements and lots of power, but “Butter” felt really difficult because all the power went in at the same time even though it was loose. So I watched Hoseok dancing a lot, and since every member has their own style of dancing, I watched the way Taehyung loosened up, and the way Jung Kook danced by the book, and I combined all those. So for some of the broadcasts of “Butter” I really loosened up and for others I used a little more strength. I tried all different things.

Maybe that’s why even the style of clothes you’re wearing seems to change the way the dancing feels. It felt like you danced a little differently in a suit than when you were dressed casually. Jimin: I never noticed before but the songs do sound different depending on what I’m wearing. Sometimes I danced all excitedly when I wore casual clothes, but when I wore a suit, something about the song sounded sexy. There’s a different vibe when I dance alone versus when I dance as part of a group, so I visualize how I should dress to make my dancing look cooler every time.

The “Dynamite” performance at the Grammys was very impressive, too. I felt that the music, clothing style and poses where you jumped out were all a perfect match. Jimin: I think it all depends on what kind of outfit I wear, where I am for a given part, and how much I weigh. There’s a pronounced difference to the way a dance looks and feels based on how much I weigh. I think the dance and outfit were a good match in “Dynamite.”

On that note, when you performed “Black Swan” at the end of the year, what pair of shoes could you dance the best in? Looking at the fancam focus video, your dance changes in feeling slightly depending on the design of your shoes. Jimin: For me, it’s barefoot. I think it’s got to be barefoot when I’m doing a classic style dance. It looks sharp and attractive when I wear dress shoes, but it always feels more natural to express myself barefoot. It’s more dynamic, I guess you could say. So I wanted to go barefoot for all my other performances, too. I wanted to be barefoot for when we recorded “ON” at Seoul World Cup Stadium at the end of the year, too, but I gave that up because it could’ve been dangerous.

The performance of “ON” at Mnet 2020 MAMA, right? I was curious about something while watching that video: I wondered how the members of the group could perform with such effort in that big, audienceless stadium, with the new solo performances added into the original choreography and everything. What helped you to find strength even under those circumstances? Jimin: There’s people who’ve been rooting for us throughout this difficult time. I think we have to give them a reason to root for us, then. If we’re going to make them want to see us and make it fun for them to watch us, I wanted to give them a good reason.

Then how did you feel when you performed at the Grammy Awards? Surely it must’ve been meaningful to you in a number of ways. Jimin: I wanted our performance to show what it meant for us to be up on that stage. A group of kids from Korea, each from their own neighborhood, can do this, too, so what’s the big deal about winning an award? That’s one thing I thought. Of course you can’t get it if you’re not capable enough yet, but the important thing is that the people who like us can be proud of us, too. We did the performance in return for all the support they show us.

It must be hard being unable to see your fans since you can’t hold any concerts. It’s hard to tell how well the performance was able to convey that return of their support. Jimin: I learn a lot from going on tour. I combine the audience’s immediate reactions and the parts I wasn’t satisfied with and practice based on that, and ask the other members about it too, but right now there’s no time to review that. So I keep practicing a lot, but it’s hard to tell how the things I’m doing will end up looking, so I keep trying things out on my own but without any feedback.

That must’ve made it harder to get ready for “Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance,” especially since you still have to sing in English and the emotions in the songs are a lot different from your previous ones, and it’s hard to feel the reaction in the concert hall under these circumstances. Jimin: Even the pronunciation is definitely different, and the part of your throat the sound comes from changes depending on the pronunciation. I think that’s why I was a little flustered. On “Butter,” if I had done it the way I always do, it wouldn’t show up. So I studied a lot on how to sound more clean and simple.

It felt like you had to meet all sorts of conditions; you have to keep it breezy and hit high notes, all while maintaining your unique voice. Jimin: I guess you could call it the song that most made me think like I was just starting out again. I think I practiced harder than ever before. I think I’ve worked extremely hard to have my own unique style, but then I hit a wall and had to go back to the beginning to find a new way. And I went over it a lot with Jung Kook. What if I sing it like this? Or what about this way? How should I practice? I asked so many questions like that and practiced a lot, too. But I enjoyed the process. At one point I was like, I can get that kind of voice out of my throat too? Even though it didn’t make it onto the final recording, I tried doing different adlibs while singing other parts and I found my strengths that way.

In previous songs you had fairly strong emotional vocals when you sang high notes, but this time around they’re cooler. How does it feel having different emotions in your vocals? BTS also sought to allow people to feel more positive emotions during the pandemic. Jimin: It was hard to adjust to the changes, but in other ways, since the group saw a greater outpouring of love, I thought we should be featuring emotions and content that’s a little more comprehensive. Personally, it was hard adjusting to a situation where I couldn’t perform. But after “Butter” was out and we moved on to “Permission to Dance,” I saw how lots of people took positively to the way I put so much effort into attempting to change things a bit more with these songs, and I realized that we could find a new side to ourselves in the process.​

I saw on “ARMY Corner Store” that you were drinking with the other members recently and all talking together, which makes me think you’ve had a lot of thoughts since the pandemic started. The world’s changed so much, and the group’s status has changed since “Dynamite” came out, too. Jimin: It wasn’t just the time mentioned in “ARMY Corner Store”—we also talked while going here and there by car, whenever we would get together, and when we were on set. I think it took me a long time to calm my nerves. It took around four or five months, I guess, but after we kept dealing with it and talking with each other, I think that’s when we got used to the new normal and our new selves.

When you performed “Daechwita” at BTS 2021 MUSTER SOWOOZOO, the part you did was, as it happens, “Remember, remember days gone by remember.” Maybe it was a coincidence, but now that BTS, the team who debuted with “No More Dream,” currently sits at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, I’m wondering how you feel about the days gone by. Jimin: I only realized it recently, but I used to be really unstable. I was acting like I was well-grounded when I was around other people, like my family and friends. It meant I had to pretend a lot. I worried about others by saying things like, I’m fine, but how are you? I spoke like I could always take care of anything that came up, but looking back, that wasn’t the case.

What made you think like that? Jimin: I’m still young, and because I’m making a lot of money at a young age, I end up wondering what money and success ultimately mean. Because I’m young, I hear a lot of people talk, and some people can be jealous or envious. But there’s a lot of people I have to repay and a lot of relationships I need to hang onto. I thought I could take care of all these problems, but looking back, that wasn’t the case. It hasn’t been very long since I realized that I was the one to grab on and forced everything to happen.

Was it some sense of responsibility? It reminds me how you called yourself “the kind of person who likes to be loved” in your last interview with Weverse Magazine. So I imagine you probably try your best for the people in your life. Jimin: Yes. I was just being headstrong, you know. Being headstrong. (laughs) It’s the kind of situation where people look at you and they might say, You can’t even take care of yourself. (laughs) But there were still a lot of points where I kept thinking things like that. Now I think I didn’t have to go quite that far, and as times went by, I started to think, Oh, I’m glad I can think about this now so I can let things that I should let go of, go. When I couldn’t let things go, my resentment kept growing. My pain, too. Rather than admit I had those feelings at that time, I’d say there were emotions in different situations that I came to unconsciously accept, and I started to feel like I could see how much of a hard time I was having after some time passed.

You’ve tried so hard. How did you feel after letting go of all those feelings? Jimin: I felt like I was becoming empty sometimes, at first. I felt like I was denying my own thoughts and beliefs. But I talked a lot with my parents, and I said, Did you know I was going through all that? And they said, We didn’t know what you were going through, but we knew it was something. So finally I shared what I was feeling with them, and my mom and dad talked to me like they were my life coaches. After coming out of that whole period, even when I do similar things, I can tell my mind has changed a lot. If I was more focused on my surroundings before, now I’m able to focus on myself as well. My mom told me it means I’m growing up, and that I’m finally becoming an adult. So I said, I don’t wanna be an adult—it’s too hard. (laughs)

It seems like you ended up doing a lot of self-reflection during the pandemic. Jimin: Last year I saw how lots of people were having a rough time and how there was a big social crisis, but as time dragged on I started to feel like I was trapped. But it was mostly okay when I was working.

What would you say work means to you these days? Jimin: I guess it’s hard to separate it from myself. I’m me, and there’s also a separate me who works, but it’s hard to tell the two apart.

© source

[cyclone-rachel]

happy birthday @mistyautumn !!

~

It’s sunrise, when she finds him on the Tower balcony.

“Good morning, Kara.” he says without turning around and looking at her, and she has to wonder if he saw her in his peripheral vision, or just calculated that she would be there at that time.

(To be fair, he had seen her doing just that- watching the sunrise- whether it was at her apartment, or the DEO, quite a few times- and had joined her, however briefly before their days had truly started. It hadn’t been for a while, though… for a couple of reasons she didn’t want to think about right then.

No point in metaphorically bringing dark clouds over their sunrise.)

“Hi, Querl.” she says standing beside him- and caught a small smile from him, as his eyes met hers. She hadn’t intended on using his real name, but it just happened to slip out- and she hadn’t even heard it in such a long time, she hoped she’d gotten the pronunciation right.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I… I missed you.”

She nods.

“I understand.” she says, and holds her hand out- waiting, as slowly his hands come out from behind his back, where they were so carefully positioned, and one of his ends up in hers. He looks over at her, and she smiles at him.

“I missed you too.” she says.

She missed everything- her friends, this whole city, this whole world, even though she doesn’t know it as well. She missed her apartment, and donuts, and pizza and potstickers and sister nights with Alex and game nights with everyone.

She missed sunrises, and for that matter seeing the sun at all, getting to greet it in the morning and feeling its light. Feeling closer to Rao, to the remnants of Krypton that she holds in her heart.

And yes, she missed him, she realizes as she sees a tear fall down his cheek. She had all along, but seeing him here and now makes her remember how little she’s seen him even before she was thrown into the Phantom Zone.

(And she wonders how much he’s speaking for the past few months too, in addition to this more recent separation)

She especially missed… not exactly this new version of him- but the person he was always meant to be, who he should have been were it not for his father’s need to assert control and prevent him from being his whole self. Truly uninhibited, happy- standing tall and proud in a purple super-suit, greeting the sunrise in his natural Coluan form. Not burdened by secrets or Lex anymore, holding nothing back.

“Ah.” he says, following her eyes as they quickly travel up and down his body. “You noticed.”

“Noticed that your image inducer isn’t turned on right now, yeah.” Kara says, with another smile. “I… haven’t seen much of you like this. You look really good. I’m happy for you.”

“Oh.” He answers. “It’s more than just turned off. I’ve removed it from my person, completely.”

She raises an eyebrow.

“I… have wanted to do so, since I officially rejoined the Super-friends, as it were. But I waited- and thought it would be appropriate to tell you first, since you inspired me to remove my inhibitors to begin with.”

“I did.” Kara realizes. Some of her memories are still a little bit hazy, but she remembers that conversation- hearing the pain in his voice as he recounted his story, and she realized how much his father’s fears had impacted him, and led him to fear himself. Remembered putting as much conviction as she could into her reassurances that he wasn’t like his mother, and would never be.

She’d told him he was loved, and she…

She and the rest of them had ignored him, as he worked for Lex. She’d forgotten- and none of what she’d said had carried over to what had happened next.

“I’m sorry.” She says. “For doubting you.”

“And I am sorry for failing you.” He answers. “Being unable to figure out a way to navigate the Phantom Zone sooner, and unable to prevent you from being sent there in the first place.”

“You did the best you could.” Kara tells him. “Everything is different in there now, and…”

At least it was only a few weeks.

Sometimes, even now in her apartment, Kara has nightmares- that this is just another illusion, and when she does wake up, when she’s pulled out for real, it’ll be another 24 years lost, her family and friends all having lost hope and moved on without her.

She has to keep reminding herself it’s real, that what she sees now is all true. She has her father back, she wasn’t gone for very long, and though Zor-El is different from when she saw him last (and she knows more about what he did, on Krypton) she’s still glad to see him again.

And she gets to wake up and see the sunlight, and talk with one of her friends again.

“I’m sorry.” She says, shaking her head. “You were talking about why you removed your inhibitors.”

“It is alright.” He answers. “There is… a lot of catching up, that we have to do.”

“There really is.”

“And yes- I was telling the truth, about your words being nothing short of magic.” He says. “Well… the subject of myself believing in “magic” as a concept is not relevant. The point is, I came to realize that I should trust myself, after said conversation- that it had been a long time, since the inhibitors were put on, and I was more than capable of self-control, no longer needing them. And whatever happened, you and the others would be there to help.”

“That’s right.” Kara says.

We should have helped more.

“Now… I have indeed become overwhelmed by my emotions. But I am learning to deal with them- in ways that all beings do. Naturally, without needing to regulate them by force.”

Kara squeezes his hand.

“I had to deal with that too.” She says. “You never stop learning it, I guess. But you still try.”

“Indeed.” He tells her. “And because I have removed my inhibitors, I can finally look at myself and not feel ashamed. I dealt with them for such a long time because I thought I deserved them, and tried to do the best I could while wearing them. Now, I see that I can be so much more, and indeed I am- and I want to show that to the world, permanently.”

“But what about the timeline?” she asks. “Wouldn’t people seeing a Brainiac helping Supergirl… change things?”

“Not as significantly as… other events.” He answers, glancing back at the Tower. “That is another conversation. But I have run calculations, and the answer for this particular question is no.”

“Then I’m proud of you.” Kara says. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

She turns to face him, and he turns toward her, expression telling her that he isn’t completely sure what to do next.

“Can I hug you?”

“Of course.” He says, and she does- hoping that this begins to make up for lost time.

But they have a lot of opportunities for that, and this is only the start of a new day for both of them.

And she, for one, can’t wait to continue it.

[chalkrevelations]

Street Dance of China S3, Ep 3. It sounds like maybe I should step up my pace on these, as they’ve announced the captains for S4 now? (Yibo back, Lay Zhang back, plus a couple of new guys I don’t actually recognize yet.) When is this going to air because it is just LAUGHABLE that I can keep up with 3+ hours of this a week. Particularly if I’m going to keep obsessively re-watching Word of Honor AND try to finally finish Killer & Healer in the miniscule free time I actually have for teevee. There’s certainly no way I can watch and dither on about 3+ hours/week worth of dance show in realtime before January, at least.

ANYWAY, this ep, we get a recap of everyone falling out after the captains’ cypher, and we learn who got the final extra towels and passed through to the next round: Lu Jiao Ni, who we barely see, on Team Jackson Wang; Yuan Ye (as promised) and A Li (who we barely see) on Team Lay Zhang (ETA: Wait, we find out later that A Li isn’t even on Lay’s team, she’s on Yibo’s - he wouldn’t move her on, and she gets one of Lay’s towels instead); Bullet (as promised) on Team Wang Yibo; and Xiao Ming (as promised? maybe? as we’ve barely seen this guy?) on Team Wallace Chung.

This week: Out of 400 people, we’re down to 105. Not all of these faces are familiar, and I suspect I don’t really need to learn 90 percent of the unfamiliar faces. I … am going to go out on a limb and make a guess that one of the dancers whose name has been bolded in one of the past two episode recaps is going to be the ultimate winner, because I have umpty SYTYCD episode reactions on my LJ, and I suspect I know how this works. I wouldn’t even put money on any of those five bolded names in the previous paragraph, quite honestly. Anyway, now it’s time to start culling down to 60. We bring out the team captains, and my first reaction is “MY EYES” because wth are some of you wearing? Wow. Yibo’s shoelaces are all over his jacket. Wallace looks like he rolled a flasher on the street for his trenchcoat. Lay Zhang is wearing a baggy pink jumpsuit, and I guess, OK, it’s easier to maneuver bathroom breaks in one of those when you have a dick, but that’s definitely a fashion trend that should have stayed back in the ‘80s. I guess questionable fashion is an international phenomenon.

There’s also an empty chair for the promised Mystery Guest, and there’s a game with clues, and a lot of guesses from our captains about who the Mystery Guest will be, and Jackson does A Bit through the whole thing. I don’t know whether to be entertained or annoyed by him. He’s the only one without some egregiously questionable fashion choices (so far) this episode, so maybe he gets a pass. Anyway, I don’t have the pop cultural context to understand the guesses, and I also don’t have either the pop cultural context or the knowledge of this area of dance to grok the Mystery Guest’s identity, but he’s Huang Bo, and apparently he had more than 1000 dance performances in the 1990s, so he must be at least as old as me and Wallace, if not older. Yibo takes the opportunity to make the – very NON-politic – remark that maybe HE wasn’t even born yet at the time? That … is not the way to win friends and influence people, Infant. Also, the Mystery Guest is NOT the person Jackson kept doing A Bit about. The reveal is all very dramatic, and he does a lil’ bit of choreography from of each of the four Extant Captains’ videos before he takes off his mask, and they act appropriately impressed, and there are some girls with short shorts among his backup dancers, so that all happened. The show obviously wants me to be very impressed by him. Show also tells us he’ll have a special skill that will be very important and at least leads us to believe that he’s going to be the “life-saver,” so the audience immediately curries favor, or at least plays at it.

Next up: Rules. Eliminations this week involve contestants self-selecting into groups of anywhere from one to five people and performing for a panel of all the captains. Teams pull a number out of a hat for performance order. Thumbs up from all four captains, you go to the next round. Abstentions from all captains, you go home. Thumbs up from some and abstentions from others, you face the possibility of a call-out from other contestants, whereupon you have to dance for your life battle to find out which of you stays and which of you goes. Oh, and we’re only going to keep going until the 60 available seats are filled, and then we’re done. If you’re number 35, you’d better be prepared to battle someone earlier and kick their ass, or you’re fucked, you don’t even get to dance. I’ve said it before: Audentes Fortuna adiuvat. Only wait, ETA: There will be some last minute BS rules fuckery, in a way that is clearly intended to save someone in particular, which I feel some kind of way about - and it is not really the way that almost everyone on the show seems to feel - but I guess we’ll get to that later.

And cue ridiculously long nattering, so we’re going to cut here.

First group is Lin Meng (Team Wallace), Teng Zai (Team Lay), Bing - of the infamous motorbike flirtation - and Dian Men (both Team Yibo), along with a dude we haven’t actually seen yet, Tang Qian (also Team Yibo). Your lack of even B-roll so far is concerning re: your chances in this competition, Tang Qian. I’m just sayin’. Anyway, this is a powerhouse group, and at least Lin Meng and Teng Zai are familiar with each other because they’re from the same crew, and Xiao Bao remarks from the audience of contestants that these guys are going to go through, no matter what. They’re going to do a totally popping routine. My sound drops out at the beginning which … yeah, makes them look even more like a boyband at the beginning, in their matching baseball uniform shirts. So, here’s the thing, they’re a little muddled, they don’t move smoothly around each other on stage - their dance moves are coordinated, but they’re not moving in space like a group that understands each other. (Somewhere in here, my sound comes back, and Yibo already can’t hold still to the music.) The other thing is, though - all of these guys are very good at what they do, they finally hit their stride a minute or so in, and when they do, they hit it hard. I’m frankly surprised they don’t get passed right through to the next round, but Jackson abstains on the vote, and when called upon to explain himself, it turns out he just wants to see them battle. I can understand the impulse, Jackson, but this is already super stressful on all the dancers, and it doesn’t escape my notice that you’re the only one of the four captains without a dog in this particular fight, so a little bit you look like you’re doing this just because you can. Remember this, because it will set a bad example for an 11th -hour vote. Anyway, there’s the chance for a callout, which no one takes because the entire audience is convinced this group is too good to beat. Five of 60 seats taken.

Group two is Shen Kai Xiang – the Jack Ma lookin’ dude. He’s flying solo. He gets to stand around uncomfortably for a while onstage while Special Guest Huang Bo does A Bit making fun of all of the captains’ speech patterns and accents and pronunciation, except Yibo’s, because Yibo apparently never talks. Ha ha. (I’m also wondering if there’s some socio-cultural stuff underlying some of this that I’m not cued in enough to fully understand.) Huang Bo then tells the contestant that Jackson has probably fucked him over by praising him too effusively (he came from Jackson’s team, and Jackson already is displaying a tendency to rhapsodize about how everything is “ART”), so all the captains now will have inflated expectations that Shen Kai Xiang is surely only going to fail to meet. I’m beginning to suspect that Huang Bo’s Special Guest Superpower is not “lifesaver” but “kind of annoying asshole.” Maybe it’s to take that particular spotlight off of Chick. ANYWAY, Shen Kai Xiang FINALLY gets to perform, and he gets a little bit of a slow start, but he packs in a lot of elements and gets a LOT of good air in his moves once he gets wound up. He’s lyrical and super emo about it. I’m kind of “eh” on him – technically, he’s good, but I’m not particularly connecting with him, which I’m willing to admit could be a me thing, as everyone else seems super-impressed. Three captains pass him through. Yibo does not and explains this decision as personal preference – he likes more “underground” styles, more battle styles. Huang Bo brings back the issue of too-high expectations to help explain why Shen Kai Xiang isn’t being passed directly to the next round, even though Yibo just explained his decision and that is literally not the reason he explicitly gave. Anyway, Shen Kai Xiang gets no call outs, which seems to surprise Yibo, and we’re at six of 60 seats taken.

In quick succession, we move through Liang Hua Jie – we don’t see much of him, but we learn that while Wallace likes his musicality, Yibo doesn’t like his face (OK, doesn’t like his facial expressions, which, what can I say? I get this. If I’d had the power to unilaterally send home Lacey Schwimmer on her season of SYTYCD, I’d have done it, that’s how fucking annoying I found the way she’d mug for the camera the entire time she danced. Like I couldn’t even watch her dancing, because I was too distracted by what she was doing with her FACE the whole time.); Jian De Chao (wait, is this Chao from the first episode?) & Chen Zui – who, from what we get to see of them have some good flow and move pretty well together, but can get a little bit mushy in their moves, and Yibo likes their skills, but Lay thinks they don’t feel like a group, which what? Incorrect; and a group that’s dubbed themselves Purple Storm Show, which includes Alex from Jackson’s team and four other people who I can’t even catch – we barely see their performance, and Lay likes them, but Jackson thinks they’re flat. I can’t tell if any or all of these guys were sent through to the next round or sent home, but if they didn’t make it, then  :(  because I liked Alex, and he got hit in the eye for this, he deserves better than to get sent home because his team can’t get it together. We still have no group that’s been passed through by all four captains.

And then, next up is another powerhouse team: Gongsu Wu Ming and Hei Zai (Team Lay), George and Xiao Ming (Team Wallace), and (Xiao) Bai (Team Jackson). Yibo is skeptical about an all B-boy group, and don’t make me fight you, Yibo, because an all B-boy group is like my dream come true (sorry, poppers; sorry, lockers; my heart truly belongs to the B-boys, they are my favorite). We learn they added a flip at the last minute – an assisted flip, with a couple of them flinging George into the air over the other two of them. Wu Ming thinks that George is the only one of all the competitors who could do it, but George – who has a little more skin in the game than anyone else, as the guy who could potentially land on his head wrong - is a bit concerned about whether they’re going to pull it off. They start, and they’re all good, a little bit muddled before they hit their stride, but the slo-mo cartwheel is great, and from there, they’re off and running. This is why I like the B-boys – I know it takes a lot out of you to do this, but there is nothing – nothing­ – like the magnetic energy they can generate when they’re in their performance headspace and everything is flowing. This is a performance, and Wu Ming has talked a little bit about wanting to step up breaking, and if this is the sort of thing he wants to do, I’m all for it – give him the platform now. I’m going to take just a minute to single out Bai and say that he’s better when he’s not doing A Bit like he did in his initial performance for Lay Zhang – he’s much more electric here, and someone else’s choreography may make the difference. Jackson, Yibo, Lay – they’re all out of their seats, none of them can hold still in the face of this. We get to the end, and unfortunately, everyone else is kind of cluttered and mushy moving into position for the flip – that is not a way to go out guys, DO NOT DO THAT at the last minute – but then George f’kn NAILS the flip, so that’s thankfully the last impression they leave. The captain’s faces are a picture. (Except Wallace, who’s suddenly too cool to give us anything, apparently.) FIRST ALL-PASS. George’s assessment: “Not bad.” :facepalm: OK, Mr. Cool Guy. They also cut in a post-interview bit with Bai about the performance, and he notes that they all know each other, they’ve been battling each other for like, a decade, now. Dance together more, guys.

Moving on, we fortunately have another very strong group to follow them: Gai Gai, Wang Tao and Huang Xiao, all from Jackson’s team, and you can tell he badly, badly wants to start in on the ART! bit but he (loudly) keeps his mouth shut about this group until after the performance. The only one of these three we’ve seen so far this season has been Gai Gai, but they all dance in the same group together, and they seem to be well-known by a lot of the other competitors, particularly Huang Xiao, both as a dancer and a choreographer. They say they’re doing jazz, although I’d be more likely to call this contemporary, if I was going to put them in a box. They are gorgeous – lyrical, fantastic dance vocabulary, amazing choreography, beautiful musicality, and the way they move together as a unit is … :chef’s kiss:  I think Huang Xiao may be the best of the three, technically, but there’s something ineffably charismatic about Gai Gai that’s pulling focus a bit – just a bit – more than the other two in this performance. If there’s a weak link, it’s Wang Tao, and really, that’s only by comparison with the other two, which is a really high bar. We get some shots of the audience of competitors worrying about Yibo’s reaction, given his preference for the old-school battle dancers and an apparent “strictness” with urban dancers and related genres, but these three also get an All-Pass to the next round, and Yibo talks to them a little bit about the choreography and his (complimentary) reactions to the performance before they leave the stage.

And then. Oh, dear. Then we get a group of three – Da Mao, A Li and Tall(? Maybe? It looked like he was going to get out of this anonymously – probably lucky for him – but then the subtitles threw up this name on him at the last minute) – who are the only krumpers who’ve made it this far. Lay Zhang is really promoting them, because he really wants to see a bigger krump presence, and he’s really nervous about their performance, and he really, really should not have pinned his hopes on these three, because I hate to say it but they are a hot fk’n mess. They are … not good. I can’t believe any of the three made it this far, and in fact, we learn after their performance, while everyone is sitting in a kind of stunned horror (and y’all, I am not exaggerating for effect there), that Yibo did not pass A Li on from his team, that she got one of Lay Zhang’s final extra battle towels. I mean, there’s an obvious gap in the quality of this performance compared to everyone else we’ve seen. There’s also a lot of pacing around and standing around instead of dancing. They’re trying for the attitude, but they’re not managing it. They do manage to get an embarrassed reaction from Chick, which says something all on its own, as I wasn’t aware that he had any shame. Other competitors also are doing the embarrassment-squick cringe in the audience. Lay Zhang is literally hiding behind his clipboard. This is the first All-Out we get, where they’re directly eliminated – not even Lay can bring himself to vote “yes” on them. Now, all the krumpers are gone, and Lay is visibly sad and frustrated, but as we appear to move to a little bit of a break, Yibo displays the most emotional intelligence of anyone there and asks Lay to teach him how to krump, to distract him and get him actually doing the dancing he enjoys for a little bit. It’s also a chance for Yibo to learn a new thing, and he talks about his chance to improve in a little interview bit from later on that’s cut in here. I mean, yes, that actually was kind of a sad attempt at krump during the cypher, my dude, so this can only help you, but you also are being an extremely good guy, giving your fellow captain some emotional support right now. Thumbs up.

Next up, we have AK Dong (Team Wallace), also flying solo, and they give us a little heart-tugging B-roll about how he doesn’t have a team with him there, so he’s going it alone. He’s fantastic right out of the gate - good musicality, clean and precise, and he’s got a nice texture to his performance, it feels … full even though it doesn’t feel as big and expansive as some of the other dancers. Unfortunately, Lay doesn’t agree with me (incorrect), says he wants a performance that’s more elegant and “balanced,” and is the single holdout vote, which opens my dude up to a call-out challenge. This is the guy who looks like comedian Hank Chen, which has overshadowed his dancing twice now, because he had to listen to it from Haung Bo when he came out to dance, and he CANNOT catch a break, because now he gets challenged by three teams, including Bouboo’s team, which also includes Klash, Bullet and Colin (all Team Yibo), plus Boris (Team Lay), who we’ve only seen B-roll of so far although he speaks good Chinese, despite being from … I’m not sure where, but not China? AK Dong complains about how Boris looks at him with innocent eyes and tells him that they have no option other than to challenge, which is true (ETA: insofar as we know at this point), because they’re #36, and the 60 slots would almost certainly fill up before they even get a chance to dance. This team wins the bottle spin against the other two challengers, and I mean. :hands: This is a slaughter. They’re five-on-one, and they’re all really good at what they do, they make it look effortless, and AK Dong’s face is going to kill me. Wallace actually does vote for him, but the other three vote for the team, and that’s five more seats filled, and AK Dong eliminated, and I’m annoyed (although not as much as I’m gonna be) because I liked him, and I would have liked for him to get a chance to dance without having to listen to the Hank Chen nonsense at least once.

Next, we have Li Yue & Sha Sha, who appear to dance together on the regular. They have a kind of sultry number put together as the Green Snake and the White Snake that is … hm. I don’t know if we’re classifying this as urban or jazz for the purposes of the show, but it’s another piece that fits more into my contemporary box, if we were classifying them for most of the Western dance spaces I’ve seen. They’re good, as befits this stage of the competition, but a little inconsistent, technically. Also, I don’t find them particularly exciting to watch – I feel like something’s missing, although I can’t quite put my finger on what. I’m not sure their flow is consistent, and they’re probably not helped by following Gai Gai, Huang Xiao and Wang Tao. They get three yes votes from Lay, Yibo and Jackson, although they are … enough to maybe make Yibo a slight bit uncomfortable, being the shy and fragile homosocial forest creature that he may be, or that he may be getting edited as, who knows. Huang Bo pokes at Lay Zhang about his reaction to and vote for them. He also basically says that Wallace didn’t vote for them because Wallace wasn’t turned on by them, because Wallace is still doing his imperturbable cool-as-a-cucumber routine. Wallace’s hold-out vote opens them up to a call-out, and several groups come down to challenge, including – bad luck for Li Yue and Sha Sha – TI, who win the bottle spin. This group includes choreographer Zheng Jian Peng, as well as Su Lianya, who I didn’t realize was a TI member, both Team Wallace, along with … oh my god, Wei Ming, who’s the “Sir, what are you doing?” guy from Episode 2 when Wallace was giving out towels to poppers like candy, and I’m kind of pleased he’s made it this far, just based on that moment, alone, never mind any dancing skills. Rounding out the group are Long Long and Wei Lin, both from Team Yibo, and I think we got B-roll of Wei Lin at some point during Yibo’s eliminations in the first couple of eps. I know nothing about Long Long at this point. At any rate, everybody in this group is so good, I can finally see how they got their rep – fantastic musicality, and a great job of working as a unit. They feel like a team, even when they don’t manage to be quiiiiite synchronized. I’m not really feeling their costumes. Su Lianya continues to be a standout, even in a group that sets the bar this high. Wallace’s composure finally breaks when the other team captains evince interest in poaching her, and oh my god, he still has the hair elastic that he held for her at her initial performance, that they said would be a token of their vow to go all the way in the competition together. OK, I give Wallace a lot of shit, but this is actually kind of adorable. He literally pulls it out of his pocket to tell the other captains they can’t have her and to plead with her to remember their promise to each other. TI gets three votes and moves on. (Lay, still apparently captivated by the snake ladies although not enough to bald-facedly vote for them in the wake of TI’s performance, abstains.)

Next up are Tao and CiCi, and OK. I’m going to be honest here. I think they’re leveraging the “couple” schtick for all it’s worth, and good for them, it looks like they can pull it off, because I think some of the amazed reaction we get from the captains and from the audience is influenced a lot by their coupleness, but at the same time, I think some of the amazed reaction we get from the captains and from the audience is actually influenced by their coupleness rather than their dancing. I mean, Su Lianya and Wei Lin are in the audience of competitors clutching each other’s hands and crying, and it seems to be just as much about Tao telling CiCi out loud that he loves her just before the music starts and the fact that they kiss as part of the piece, if not more than it’s about their actual dancing. The show is also really pushing me on this, because whereas, with everyone else, it tosses up closed captions that tell me what moves are happening (in addition to dialogue subs), now I’m getting things like “heaven-made match.” They’re good, but I think they actually also suffer a bit from following the Gai Gai/Huang Xiao/Wang Tao powerhouse, because I think we’re unlikely to get anything on the lyrical side of things that’s going to match up to that for the rest of the day. Tao and CiCi are better than Li Yue and Sha Sha were, and it is pretty badass the way she manages to make herself so small and compact she literally disappears behind him for that last little bit, and if they’d won the bottle spin on the last callout, they would have won the challenge, I have no doubt. But. :hands: I think the show has actually done that thing Huang Bo accused Jackson of earlier and set my expectations too high. I’m’a sound like Yibo – or like Yibo normally would, because he also seems to get suckered into the overwhelmed reaction for this – and say that I think Tao was better in the less lyrical style when he danced with Yibo and Bing in the Ep 2 towel battle. They get an All-Pass from the captains and talk about their inspiration for the piece, which apparently is a couple who confessed their love to each other the day before the girl had to go into COVID quarantine, and well, now I guess I feel like just a little bit of an asshole for not appreciating the COVID love story properly? Anyway, the captains then keep asking them intrusive questions about their relationship, and Huang Bo mocks Lay for apparently never being in love so he won’t understand what it’s like, and I’m cringing in my seat a little before Jackson gets us back on track and Tao and CiCi finally go sit down.

Then Huang Bo takes the chance to go over to the contestants who haven’t performed yet and stress them out about how few of the 60 available seats are left. I mean, I guess it’s part of competition, but come on, dude.

ANYWAY, next up, we have a group calling themselves Team Wake Up – it’s the waackers, and this group includes Xiao Bao and San Jin from Team Lay, along with a guy we haven’t seen yet, Tu Zi; Meng Di from Team Yibo; and Gao Shi Yu, who we also haven’t seen, from Team Wallace. They start working it, and I’m like, oh wait … and then they hit the Cat Walk, and I’m like, oh shit, and a light bulb finally goes off, because I’ve been super-fk’n slow, but now they’ve shown me what this genre is about, and I’m interested to see what they do here, because a lot of this performance could be straight off the floors of the ball scene. The entire group is pretty good, although I do think Gao Shi Yu is the weak link, she’s not quiiiiite up to the standard of the rest of them. They move well as a group, though, good coordination, sharp and clean, fantastic musicality, high energy all the way through, with EXCELLENT attitude, which is half the battle, because if you’re not confident for this kind of thing – or if you can’t at least fake it flawlessly – you might as well not even be out there. They all do lose a little bit of focus when they’re in the background as they break out for their individual moves, and they fall apart a tiny bit near the end. Also, Meng Di’s belt is off-center, and I know that sounds super picky, but it kept distracting me, so I wish that hadn’t been the case. Xiao Bao is definitely still the standout here – he takes the lead from the minute they come out, with the mic, and never really relinquishes it. We finally get to see San Jin perform, and his extension could be better. Tu Zi must be lacking in the charisma department to not have shown up before this, because he’s better than I expected. Before they started, the group that Xiao Jie and Yang Kai are in together – who still haven’t performed – were debating if they should challenge this group, but Xiao Jie advised waiting to see how good they were, and then after the performance is all, “nooo, we should not challenge,” and props to you for not just writing off the waackers, my man, because they get an All-Pass, and there’s not even a chance for a callout. Before we move on, Wallace clams he’s learned some waacking during the show, and the other captains (led by Jackson, who calls him gege) make him demonstrate, and the contestants, who know what side their bread is buttered on, applaud.

Available seat check. Yibo participates in further stressing out the contestants by saying “Like, a dozen?” All y’all need to be challenging whatever chance you get. Now I bet you’re sorry you didn’t challenge Shen Kai Xiang back at the beginning, aren’t you?

Next up is our group of X-Crew representatives, hop-hop, and Yibo is excited. I almost expect him to do a little dance in his seat. Yang Kai helpfully lets me know that this group is from the top hip-hop crew in China. Oh, hey, that’s Qin Yu, from Team Wallace, the guy who Gongsu Wu Ming immediately recognized as the weak link in one of the towel battles and got up on; the guy who subsequently got taken out by Teng Zai, My Beloved. Qin Yu, the guy we hadn’t even had B-roll on, and still don’t. I wonder if I’m reading too much into that. He’s joined by Flea (which I’m assuming is a direct translation, as it doesn’t sound like “flea” when he says his name?) and Ding, also from Team Wallace - neither of whom we’ve seen before, I think - along with Ting and Lei Xiao Yang from Team Jackson. This is also the first time we’ve seen Lei Xiao Yang. I … feel weirdly unconfident about the famed X-Crew, given we haven’t seen more of them before this. Then again, we’d only seen Gai Gai from her group, so maybe this is a BigSurprise!edit … Ting comes out hard and heavy, and I actually think this is the best performance we’ve seen from her so far. She spends a lot of time out in front on this one, and I don’t think I got from her initial appearance or from her towel battle performances just how good she actually is. Overall though … I am … not that impressed with this group. They start out strong, but then they get sloppy. They have trouble working as a unit, which is surprising from people who supposedly have experience dancing together. They’re all very good, but they’re not synchronized. A lot of their solo showcase bits lack complexity, and that is an understatement. Qin Yu still has some of that nice fluidity along with his pretty face, but he’s not balanced, and he absolutely does not have the finesse he needs to pull this off. They all do move into the end strong, together again, hard, power behind their moves - almost everything from the slo-mo move is good - but … it’s a little late, y’all. That took way too long to get back together. And then, they inexplicably descend into … it’s not even sloppiness, it’s an utter hot mess during, like, the last 15 seconds of the performance, which is absolutely not the final impression you want to leave. And … wow. Shit. There are captains who actually agree with me on this. Sometimes you see the expected top dancers allowed to slide some in these early rounds of competition shows, but not this time – Wallace and Yibo both vote yes, but Jackson and Lay both abstain, and Jackson … wow. Wow. Is disappointed in them and expected more. Despite the fact that he’s like, 12, and that he’s done this to past groups just because he wanted to see them battle, a little bit this actually has a vague feeling of your dad telling you how much you’ve let him down. The audience is shocked, but I’m glad to hear someone say it. It was a good - if spotty - performance but certainly not the best we’ve seen.

So, we have a callout, and the group with Xiao Jie and Yang Kai, which also includes some guys named Shen Zi Hao, Xiao Zhi Bin and Oscar, pounces. And that is a very deliberate word choice, because these guys are on X-Crew like a lion on the trailing gazelle. They’re in their Men In Black suits (ETA: Wait, no, I think maybe they’re Agent Smith suits), and the audience of other competitors is losing it. Xiao Bao is very excited about Xiao Jie. Both Yibo and Jackson look like they’re in actual physical pain, to be forced to make the choice that’s coming up. Ting looks like she’s getting ready to throw up – she’s accepting this with less equanimity than she did the possible results of her initial performance, at least on the surface. I … am dreading losing her, actually, because I suspect that’s what’s getting ready to happen, and I am so so sorry, baby, that you worked so hard to carry your crew like that and they couldn’t keep their shit together. On the one hand, I’m impressed they’re pitting this level of competition against each other so early. On the other, I feel Jackson’s and Yibo’s pain. God. God. The Xiao Jie-Yang Kai group is here to f’kn battle. This is shaping up to be a slaughter. They are fast, clean, precise, great musicality, complex moves, super performance. They’re synchronized, high energy, fantastic animation – which could be a little cheesy, but they’re confident and fearless enough to pull it off - fun and interesting. They are maybe a little bit too gimmicky to be perfect for my taste, but I’m not the one voting them through, and what they’ve come up with is perfect for the audience that matters – the captains, the majority of which are 20-something-year-old boys – and knowing your audience, and performing for them, is a skill, too. BIGGEST (and frankly, only) ISSUE: Somebody fucked up a move, right at the beginning … I think maybe Yang Kai? (ETA: Yah, it was Yang Kai, ugh, what a time for that to happen.) If you’re going to fuck up, best to do it at the very beginning, I guess, and then give this performance afterward, to mitigate it as much as possible, but that one misstep gives the captains enough excuse put off a decision they really don’t want to make, like it’s not just going to make it worse to kick the can down the road a few minutes. Split vote, 2-2 (I thiiink, Yibo and Jackson for X-Crew, Lay and Wallace for the challengers?), which throws it to a further battle. Ting and Xiao Jie, one-on-one, and both of them are feeling the pressure of competing for their entire team instead of just themselves. Two rounds, hiphop and locking. So, each of them is better in their specialty. Ting’s got some fantastic, precise moves for the hiphop round. Xiao Jie is not as good in this round; I do notice he’s got a more directly confrontational style when he’s battling. I feel like she’s doing more waacking than locking in the locking round. Overall, she’s cleaner, more precise, he’s got a little bit more energy. I wouldn’t want to make this decision, frankly. I think Ting was better technically, but Xiao Jie might be the better performer – better at all that other stuff that adds up to stage presence. I do wonder how much of the captains’ decision is influenced by the groups, and who the captains are or aren’t willing to lose, even though it’s supposed to be based on this 1x1 battle. Just looking at who the show has put emphasis on already, we’ve got Ting vs. Xiao Jie AND Yang Kai, and I don’t know that they’re going to want to let that one-two punch go. Wallace votes Ting and X-Crew. Yibo and Lay vote Xiao Jie and the challengers. Jackson, the coward, abstains. Looks like Ting and X-Crew are going home, and this is the first cut that I’m genuinely upset about seeing. Ting feels bad for letting her crew down, but they let you down first, baby, or you wouldn’t even have been in that position.

Available seat check: 12. Dancers left: 27. Well.

We’re coming up on two hours now, and there’s clearly some kind of drama we want to get to, because we whip through the next few performances – few names, limited time spent on them. The ones who do make it through are likely cannon fodder in the next couple of rounds. There’s a group of four in khakis that gets sent through to the next round; Yibo liked their moves. Guy named Zhan Ke in a suit goes through to the next round. We’ve turned into a clip show now, and the screen literally says “ … ” at one point as each group of competitors gets 3 seconds of airtime. Cut to three seats left out of the 60. There’s about seven people left, and … that includes Chick. I have a sinking feeling this guy is going to be the real focus, at this point. He’s paired up with some dude named Long, and they have lost the bottle spin on callout after callout after callout, so they’ve never had a chance to challenge, and now, look at these morose motherfuckers, still sitting in the bleachers. I almost feel bad for them.

So, three seats left, and the next group is three people: Yang Qi aka “Apple” from Team Jackson, Lin from Team Lay and Bobo from Team Wallace. Urban dancers. I lose sound on them right at the beginning, but they’ve got some nice sharp moves, good choreography, they work well as a unit. Solid performance, if not the best we’ve seen. Apple’s got the best technique, I think. Audience likes them a lot. We get a cut to Chick and the other competitors who haven’t danced yet as we count down for the vote, and they are all dying. Three votes yes. Yibo abstains. Huang Bo is so prepared for this group to be sent right through that he starts clapping and congratulating them, and Yibo has to be all, “Wait, no. Not yet.” The captains give their reasoning: Jackson says that he felt their power, emotion, speed all deserved full marks. Yibo agrees.

Yibo agrees.

…

...

…

Their faces in response, y’all. Their little WTF faces as he explains that he really just wants to see the other dancers, too. Oh my god, Yibo. You can’t just say that out loud. Are you serious with this, you can’t even make up a thing to fake critique them on? Cut to a later interview with Bobo, who’s been the least able to school his face journey in response to this: “Wang Yibo, I won’t forget.” Also, Bobo says, you’re not even hot. (lol) Joking aside, the group goes on to make all the correct noises about sure, it’s a competition, you face competitors, it’s what happens, because what are you gonna say? Meanwhile, to be completely honest, I’m probably the person who’s been least able to school their face journey in response to this, because come on, Yibo. It’d be one thing if you were making some kind of statement about the way they set this up from the beginning, with all competitors unable to participate, but I’m pretty sure you’re actually doing this to give Chick another chance, because you have been inexplicably all up on his jock since he showed up, what is it about this guy? I don’t get it. At all.

So, we get a callout, and everyone left challenges, of course, because this is probably the last chance. The audience is rooting for Chick. I still don’t get it. Bottle spin ends up on … Zhao Hai Jie, from Team Wallace, who we’ve never yet seen perform. Here’s the thing: If he can win this battle, then he only takes one seat, leaving another two seats available. However, he is NOT going to win this battle, not without ripping off any figleaf of fair competition that the show may have, because he’s just not that great. If he wins, there’s no way around the fact, right in your face, that it’s a strategic vote. He does not win. Four votes for Apple, Lin and Bobo. Sixty seats filled.

HOWEVER, just in case you were worried there may be any integrity here, director Lu Wei comes ambling out to say, hey, you know those rules we have in place? Well, fuck ‘em. Who cares. Let everybody left battle, and whoever wins that battle can have a seat along with the 60 other people. I’m going to translate this one, because despite the limitations of my Level 1 Duolingo Mandarin, I have umpty SYTYCD episode reactions on my LJ and I feel like I’m pretty fluent in Dance Show BS: “We really want to keep somebody who’s left, so there’s going to be some chicanery on our part.” They really do not want Chick to go home, y’all. I know it’s him. It’s super extra obvious they’re desperately trying to save him, at this point. And I am here to tell you that if Chick ends up on this show and Ting goes home, there will be nothing on this earth that could possibly resurrect Chick from the Pit of My Dislike.

Anyway, we get Dai Dai from Team Lay, who describes herself as a fusion dancer and is pretty good for the first 40 seconds or so of her music and then completely loses the thread and kind of falls apart. The captains do not seem impressed. Possibly they also know we’re just killing time until we get to Chick. Up next is Su, who is Very Dramatic. He doesn’t say what team he’s from, but given Wallace’s reactions, I suspect he’s from Team Wallace. I suspect Yibo’s not going to like his face. His performance goes increasingly off the rails as he goes on. He’s got a lot of goodwill from the audience of competitors, but no. This is not a winning performance. And then we get Chick & Long, literally the last to perform. Chick spends the entire time doing A Bit. Long, who anyone barely remembers is even there, does 2/3+ of the dancing. Everyone – everyone – is apparently vastly entertained by Chick, and I just … :hands: Fine. He’s a character, but I have yet to see anything in three episodes, across, like, 7 hours, that lets me see whether he can really dance or not. Yibo literally tells Jackson, “He doesn’t have many tricks, but he’s got a ton of ideas” and later says he’s a B-boy without a power move. Anyway, one vote for Su (Wallace), three votes for Chick and Long. We’re at 62 dancers, and I cannot believe I’m going to be subjected to Chick’s continued clownery when Ting has to go home.

Thank GOD we’re activating the Special Guest Host Powers, the first of which is “REVIVE,” i.e., bring someone back who was eliminated. Yibo is immediately like, omg, the hip-hop group. Then we do Yet Another Bit where the captains cater to Huang Bo so that he’ll take their advice on who to revive, and it goes on too long when we are, my god, two hours and fourteen minutes into this. Meanwhile, Yibo reiterates, the hip-hop group. Yeah, Yibo, this I approve of - if I gotta watch you fall all over yourself over Chick, you need to get Ting back for me. So, we’re finally getting the captains’ actual recommendations: Jackson says the hip-hop group, possibly feeling bad about the fact that he’s the one who spiked their chance the first time around? Yibo is all, me too! Yes! That one! It’s kind of adorable. Also, yes, Yibo, you need to get Ting back for me. Lay says Li Yue and Sha Sha, the white and green snakes. Wallace recommends a popping group that I don’t even know if we saw perform? At any point in the past 7+ hours of three episodes? Wallace, are you high? Anyway, THANK GOD, Huang Bo brings back the X-Crew group. We’re at 67 dancers.

Second Special Guest Host Power is … “battle?” So, we’re setting up Qiang Qi Da Zhan, aka Seven to Smoke, which they’ve apparently done in past seasons? Each captain picks two people – eight total – to participate. Twenty minutes total. Increments of 30 seconds each to battle. And I guess you have to accumulate seven points in various battles. We don’t get to hear the captains’ picks, but I can see that AK Dong is called back for this one. Also, I spot one of the krumpers. (:eyeroll: Really, Lay? Because I know that was you.) We see some clips of this. We see AK Dong get to six points. He … maybe gets his seventh point? Anyway, he says in the last interview clip that he’s here. I guess we officially find out the Seven to Smoke results next ep?

Also next episode: Divided into two groups and battling by genre for the next elimination. Five rounds. Also looks like captains might get a chance to poach from other teams. Also some wacky fuckery with the dancers’ heads that looks like it’s going to be stomping all over my embarrassment squick, argh.

Finally, we get a peek at hotpot, and it sounds like they ended up with 70 dancers, so three people managed to get seven points in Seven to Smoke? And somebody’s mom is apparently coming to hotpot, but I’d have to watch the actual hotpot show to find out whose mom, and we’re out.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression, radio version - Ep 23 - Fan comments, Child killer identity leak, Politician suggests shutting down politically biased content - March 2016.

Kaoru starts this episode by stumbling over the pronunciation of 'Expression' in 'The Freedom of Expression'. He introduces Joe, and Joe asks him about his recent activity since Budokan. He says he has been in the studio, working hard on the new single. Joe then asks whether his opportunities to speak with other people have reduced. They have reduced, says Kaoru. Joe tells Kaoru to call him if he gets lonely. Kaoru thinks this is a bad idea, because Joe would tell him to come out drinking.

Kaoru says that this week he would like to read out some more of the fan messages which were written in notebooks at the booth in Budokan. The first comment says 'Freedom of expression is a contitutional right, and must be respected, but determination is also needed. Its a brave thing to boldy speak out, despite knowing the drawbacks. I look forward to the future episodes'. Joe thinks it impressive to wait out in the cold for so long before the live, and then write this after coming in. Kaoru says this message gives him courage. Joe says, yes, its true that freedom of expression is written in the constitution, but with complacency, this right will become eroded. Vigilence is needed.

The next message says, 'It's said that Dir's live shows are all about expressing pain, but is it ok to say the live was 'fun'?'. Kaoru says there are two ways to look at this, fun for him, or fun for the audience. As for him, he feels very happy when he sees people coming to watch him, in both small and big venues, which is similar to fun. As for the audience...he recalls when the band were making Dum Spiro Spero, and the huge earthquake/tsunami happened in March 2011. They asked themselves whether they should quit this album, was it right to continue with it in those circumstances? But they came to the conclusion that it may give people hope, and help people to look forward if the album could be finished and released. It may be a trivial thing, but if it makes a positive difference in someone's life they (Dir) are happy. So in that sense, he thinks its totally ok to say lives are fun. It may seem odd that everyone leaves a live with a smile on their face, but when you think about it, that is a part of what makes us people. Joe says that just after seeing Dir en grey live for the first time at Budokan, he went to interview one of Kaoru's favourite manga artists, Urasawa Naoki, at Urasawa's own house. Urasawa is a huge fan of 60s and 70s rock, and has a big collection of vintage guitars in his house. Joe says their conversation naturally turned to, 'What is "rock"?'. Urasawa said it may be the idea of 'understanding'. For example, when rock star (Imawano) Kiyoshiro sang, 'Kimi no kimochi, boku ni wa wakaru/I understand how you feel'...that sense of understanding may be what rock is. That includes understanding feelings of lonliness, or of fun etc etc. 'Sharing' may not be quite the right word, but Joe says he felt this at Budokan, this sensation of understanding. Kaoru feels like its a sensation of becoming closer with each other. Joe says there may be people who feel 'fun' out of this, but it comes from a sense of understanding. After speaking to Urasawa, Joe realised that this is how he had felt at Budokan.

Next Kaoru moves on to read out some emails which the show has recieved. The first email is from a fan who was very impressed with the Budokan shows, and hears Arche in a different light since then.

The second email is from a fan who saw the two days at Budokan, but didn't see 'Day 3' (the show at Liquid Room a week later). Some fans who had gone to 'Day 3' had posted online that they thought THIS was the real finale to Arche. The fan was disappointed that they didn't get to experience this. Kaoru feels that at Liquid Room they played Arche in a new style, showing a kind of step forward into a new path.

Next Kaoru welcomes Hiranabe for the Tokyo Sports corner. Hiranabe says he had been very busy at work lately with the whole Kiyohara drug scandal. But the first story Hiranabe brings up this time is the news that the gossip magazine Shukan Post had published the place of living and other details about the child killer Shonen A/Boy A (Search: Kobe Child Murders). Joe says he rarely buys gossip magazines, but he did this time, and not only did he realise what a huge leak of information this was, he wondered why the magazine had published this. What was the point of making this into news? Hiranabe thinks this is a plan by the police. He says there is a trend of high profile criminals finishing their sentences, leaving prison and then writing a book, or appearing on tv and getting royalties or fame (Ten years after his release, 'Boy A' wrote a book detailing his crimes).The police don't like this trend, and there has been a slew of such cases where the police have made a fresh arrest after a book release or tv appearance. Kiyohara Kazuhiro is a good example, but other examples include businessman Ikawa Mototaka (arrested after releasing a book), and motorcycle gang leader Ishimoto Taichi. Hiranabe thinks the Shukan Post must be cooperating with the police over the publication of this information. There is no proof of this, its just his opinion. He also says he wonders how often 'Boy A' has to move house, which he probably needs money for. If his place of living is discovered he will have to move, and finding a new place will be hard. He must be getting some kind of support. Kaoru jokes that since he himself has also released a book, will the police be after him now? He wants someone to support him too. Joe wonders whether the police are intending to re-arrest 'Boy A' with this info leak, and whether there is someone somewhere assisting him to escape further.

Hiranabe's next news story is that Internal Affairs and Communications minister Takaichi Sanae had made the sugestion that broadcasters who repeatedly broadcast politically biased material could be taken off the air. Hiranabe asks, if broadcasters are shut down, what happens after that? You can't listen to the radio any more? For them, if this show got negative press, would they be taken off air? They all agree this would be pretty undesirable. Joe says that the minister might say that a move like this is permissible by law, but as for freedom of expression on radio stations for example, in Japan there is never any instruction from radio stations to take material off air or to take certain songs off air, it is down to individual radio programs to decide on this. In the USA they have station-wide policies when taking songs etc off the air, but in Japan it depends very much on each program, rather than the radio station itself. As a result, people on radio programs have to be very aware of the atmosphere around them. The Japanese are a culture whereby reading the atmosphere is very important. Its very different from America where the rules are often set down clearly. When the Japanese musician Aska was arrested, there was a time after this where his songs ceased to be played on radio, but there was no instruction about when it would be ok to start playing them again. People just though, 'Ah, he's been arrested, so we'd better not', and then after a while, gradually just started to think it would be ok to play them again. So with this kind of comment from Minister Takaichi, its possible people might just react in the same way, and read the atmosphere as appropriate. Joe also mentions that recently some tv announcers had be axed from a few channels. He thinks this is a result of pressure from political quarters, and if such things continue to happen, freedom of expression in Japan will get narrower. Hiranabe and Joe say it sounds like intimidation tactics are being implemented by the government. Hiranabe laments at how useless the main opposition party is against this, with their constant in-fighting over petty matters. The voters have no choice. Kaoru agrees with this. Joe asks Hiranabe what solution can be found to this. Hiranabe suggests forming the 'InterFM Party'. The others laugh at this, then suggest they could unite with the 'Tokyo Sports Party'.

To finish Kaoru says the TFoE stickers have been made already. He expains one more time that the stickers wil be revealed on the show's blog after they have been sent out to the winners of the Arche cover design contest. Joe suggests Hiranabe should get some stickers. Kaoru then plugs the Budokan bluray/DVD, upcoming new single and tour. He also reveals that his Offical Blog magazine TheTheDay will put out its first edition on the 11th of that month (11th March 2016), and will update every second and fourth friday. Finally,  Joe mentions how impressed he was with Hiranabe's energy as he entered the studio that day. He had arrived just in time, and says his driver had got lost on the way and made him late.

Songs - Dir en grey/Revelation of Mankind, New Order/Blue Monday.

[loudsuitlover]

Indie and Harry

A/N: More Indie and Harry but angst. 

She was sitting alone and the city lights were somehow bothering her. They were a reminder that she wasn’t alone, that her family- now maybe even broken- wasn’t the only family in the world and that there were other houses with other lights and other people that might never face even half as much as what she had faced so far. She wondered whether that was true but she pondered that maybe everyone would have to face something and that there was truly no measurement, no acceptable comparisons, because for someone who hadn’t lost, a misplacement could hurt just as much and there was no way of knowing if that was true. 

Wheez made her way towards her on her furry paws and she sat down next to her and looked out to the city as well but Blue knew, even if she couldn’t talk, she knew she had found her in an attempt to lighten her mood. Wheez could always tell when someone needed her and Blue hadn’t known souls could be seen faster in dogs that in people until they had adopted Wheez, mostly for Anie; but she was now a part of the family. 

She wouldn’t talk to the dog. She thought that was weird, but she would hold her gaze and she would comunicate with her somehow; for she swore she could feel it in her chest; and Wheez might understand or maybe not- but she was there and that was enough. 

She didn’t even know how things had gotten so bad but it was the first time she was really scared that they might not make it. She hadn’t talked to Harry in a week and that was the longest he had been apart from their children ever so she was afraid that if he needed that much time without her then maybe he was really considering a divorce. The word made her tremble. 

It was so silly too, that they had gotten this far for something so silly, specially because it had happened ten years ago and for the life of her she couldn’t see the big deal. Harry wasn’t a jealous guy, he had never been and she worshipped the ground he stood on anyway so he never really had reasons to be jealous and still... She guesses she had kept that stupid date from him for years for a reason after all, even if it was mindlessly. 

He really wasn’t a jealous guy but that didn’t mean he was never jealous. He had been a little jealous a few times, but every time they had fucked and he had forgotten about it. There was just this one guy he was jealous of and he knew it was irrational, for he knew he had nothing to do and he knew Blue loved him way too much to jeopardize what they had; but it was just knowing it had been him. 

It was probably silly. After all, it had happened ten years ago and she said it had just been dinner and nothing had happened and he believed her but she still had had ten years to mention it and she never did. And he had had to hear things about them every day in the hospital. Students who didn’t know they were married would talk in the O.R “Doctor Brook is so sleeping with doctor Anderson” or “I love it when doctor Brook operates with doctor Anderson, they’re so dreamy” or “stay with someone that looks at you the way doctor Brook looks at doctor Anderson” and every time he had wanted to tell them “doctor Anderson is my wife and we’ve been together since she was your age so pay attention and shut the fuck up” but every time he had stayed quiet and he had cleared his throat and mind his own business. Still, he wished he could take back what he said to her but some things can’t just be taken back once they’re out there. 

“Mummy,” Blue turned her neck when she heard her son’s voice. 

“¿Qué pasa, Hughie? ¿Estás bien?” (What is it, Hughie? Is everything alright?) 

“Sí... ¿Por qué estás aquí fuera?” (Yes... Why are you out here?)

She shrugged and then she stood up from her chair and walked towards her son before making their way inside. Wheez followed them and lied down on her bed on the kitchen. 

“Es un poco tarde, Hughie. Deberías estar en la cama. Mañana hay cole.” (It’s kinda late, Hughie. You should be in bed. You have school tomorrow.)

“Can we facetime Daddy? I miss him.” 

She had a look at the time on the oven. It was 9 pm so she supposed they could give Harry a call if his son wanted to talk to him. She knew that’s what he’d want her to do anyway. 

“We’ll text him, see if he’s awake.” 

“Okay...” 

She texted her angry husband and made sure he knew it was about Hughie and then patiently waited for him to reply. 

“A lo mejor está dormido...” (Maybe he’s asleep...)

“¿Daddy se va a ir?” (Is Daddy leaving?)

Her hazel eyes looked up to her kid the second she heard his concern. It had almost been a sob and when she looked up at him she could see his green eyes filled with tears. Was that what had been keeping him up? 

“¡No!” She shook her head. “Claro que no, peque.” (Of course not, little one.) “Daddy está en un congreso.” (Daddy’s on a work trip.)

“Entonces, ¿por qué estás triste?” (Then why are you sad?)

“Porque yo también le echo de menos.” (Because I miss him too.)

“Y, ¿por qué no hablas con él cuando le llamamos?” (And why do you not talk to him when we call him?) 

It was in those moments when she damned herself and Harry for having raised such smart kids. He was only four years old for crying out loud, but he had still noticed that. 

“Bueno es que cuando llamáis vosotros yo sé que Daddy quiere hablar con vosotros y veros. Yo hablo con él cuando os vais a dormir.” (Well, that’s just because when you call him, I know Daddy wants to talk to you and see you guys. I talk to him when you go to bed.)

“Daddy’s sad too. I can tell.” 

But she didn’t have time to answer him because her phone started ringing. She set the phone against an empty mug on the kitchen counter so it was pointing at Hughie but she stood next to him so he didn’t add any more suspicion to his worried mind. 

“Hi, love!” Harry greeted his son and her heart broke a little at the way it had sounded and she wanted to cry at the fear that he would never speak like that to her again. 

“Daddy! Pease, come back.” 

She loved her son’s pronunciation struggles and that was a fact. He couldn’t pronounce the l between consonants and he had some struggles with pronouns too, surprisingly worse in English than in Spanish, and he had been going to speech therapy for a year but he still struggled sometimes, especially on his PJs but she wasn’t yet worried about that. He was still four years old. 

Harry gave his son a little smile before his green eyes set on her. She tried to give him a hopeful smile, one that meant that she wanted him to come back too, but she was afraid it hadn’t reached her eyes. 

“Hey” He greeted her. 

He hadn’t called her baby like he normally would but he hadn’t chosen to call her by her name either so he hadn’t named her at all. She didn’t know what that meant. 

“Hey, I’m gonna give you two some privacy to talk. Voy a estar en el salón, peque.” (I’ll be in the living room, little one.)

Hughie nodded and she left and that time she didn’t eavesdrop for she wasn’t sure she was ready to face what her husband might tell their son. He had this thing- he didn’t like lying to his kids- so, always saving their inocence and the magic of childhood, he would still talk to them about the majority of things and he would explain everything to their little minds and they would nod and ask questions so she wasn’t ready to maybe hear that things were going to change. 

It had happened a week prior. He had waited until they were alone- Hughie was at speech therapy, Dylan was at soccer practice and Coco had picked Anie and Wheez up on her way to the dogs’ park. 

They were having a disagreement, but it wasn’t the first time they had disagreed on something after sixteen years together; and up until that moment, they hadn’t bursted like that. It was true that this disagreement was probably worse than the rest they had had because this was about one of their children and that was the most important thing for the two of them so it was hard to agree to disagree on something that required both their attentions. 

“I think Anie liked the centre, just in case you care.” She said after some minutes of silence in the kitchen. 

“I’m glad she did.” His jaw clenched. “I wish you would have told me you were taking her today too.” 

“Why? Would you have come?” 

His eyes held hers for long seconds. She was mad. No, she was furious. She couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to get help for his own daughter when they knew- they were doctors- that early therapy was the most important part of Autism treatment. She kept telling herself he was on denial but denying that their daughter had Autism wasn’t going to make it disappear. Plus, she really couldn’t understand. She thought- if left untreated Autism could be terrible- but he would ignore Danny every time and Danny said most times with early treatment, kids with mild Autism could have a pretty normal life, and he knew that because his own nephew had struggled with that and nowadays he was, if anything a little shy, he didn’t like to be touched but for the rest, he was just like any other kid his age. 

And she remembered Alan. There was nothing wrong with Alan. She loved Alan and so did Dylan and she was pretty sure Alan loved them too in his own way but if she could do anything to help Anie so she could have normal relationships with people and no one could take advantage of her then she would do it because Anie was her daughter and she would do just about anything for her, even if that included having a fight with Harry. 

“You know? I love our daughter just as much as you do.” He replied. 

“You have a very weird way of showing it.” 

“Why? Because I think you’re rushing into this?” 

“Yes! Me and Ollie and every other person who’s seen Anie, Harry! You’re the only one who doesn’t want to see it! She’s two and she doesn’t speak a word! She doesn’t share anything with us, she doesn’t smile at us when she likes something, she doesn’t even pay attention when you call her by her name. She’s still in the first year development.”

“She is a baby, Blue! And she has hearing problems, we both know that! And she’s bilingual. Bilingual kids take longer to start talking and... You and I both know she has her own way of comunicating, I understand her and I feel a connection with her so maybe it’s you...” 

Her breathing worked up and her jaw clenched as her whole face hardened, trying to hold back her tears. He would not make her cry in such a nasty way. He regretted his words the minute he said them but he had been on edge all day and she had a way of getting on his nerves and still he shouldn’t have said that. He knew that had been a fear of hers from Anie’s first months, she had said one too many times that her own baby didn’t like her; just because she seemed to like her Daddy much better so the fact that he was saying that made her want to cry. 

“I’m sorry.” He said but she shook her head and still didn’t look him in the eyes. 

“I don’t know if you think I want our daughter to be sick or that I want to treat her differently for no reason but the truth is I wish you’re right and if I’m wrong, I will be the happiest mum on Earth” her voice croaked and she rested a hand over her heart, as if that was going to stop it from breaking “because all I want is for my babies and you to be okay because I love you all more than anything. But if there’s something wrong with her, why do we have to wait for it to get worse? I mean what harm is there on her going to therapy even if she didn’t need it?” 

“I just don’t want to give her a problem that she doesn’t have.” 

“That’s the first thing that’s wrong about your conception of this whole thing. I don’t think Autism is a problem. It’s just another way of presentation of the human form and they need some help to fit on society but that’s that. Danny-” She stopped her sentence when she noticed the change in his body language and she got even madder. This could not be about Danny. “What? What is it with Danny? What the fuck is your problem?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it with you.”

“With me? When did we stop talking about things, H?” 

“It’s not constructive, that’s why it’s better not to say anything.” 

“Well, shouldn’t you let me decide that? I want my husband to talk to me, whether what he’s gonna say is constructive or not.”

But he shook his head and that made her angrier. 

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Stop swearing.” 

“You’re a jerk.” She sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know what your problem with Danny is but if you care anything about Anie or me, you wouldn’t have a problem with him.” 

Oh, no, she did not just say that. 

“He’s always had my back and he’s always been there for me and-”

“That’s exactly the problem, Blue.” He bursted. “That he’s always there. And it’s precisely because I care about you that I have a problem with him.” 

Because the thing about Danny was he had lost his fiancé too and the moment you had told Harry about that, he had seen it in your eyes, the relief, the finally someone was going to understand and he could never give you that. He couldn’t possibly compete with that and that scared him. 

She shut her eyes and brought a hand to her temple as if all of a sudden she had gotten a terrible headache. Somehow she had. 

“I can’t believe you’re jealous. You... You...”

“I’m not crazy, Blue. See? This is why I didn’t want to say anything.” He sighed but it was too late, it was out there, so then he could only elaborate on it. “He... He’s into you, babe and that’s okay, I mean I understand, I’m into you too.” He almost chuckled. “But everyone knows that. I mean people talk-”

“And since when do you care about what people say?” 

“I don’t. I mean for the most part I don’t but...” 

“But what? Do you think I would ever do that to you?” 

“No. It’s not about you doing anything. I know you would never.” He shook his head. “I guess it’s about the possibility of you wanting to do it.” 

“Well, I don’t.” She sighed. “And what do you want me to do about that? Do you want me to pretend I don’t like him or to put some distance even though we do work together-”

“No, nothing! That’s what I meant when I said it’s not constructive. There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s just what it is.” 

“But it’s nothing.” 

“Well, it’s...”It was not nothing, and if she had known by saying that she was invalidating his feelings she probably wouldn’t have said that. He was a lot more careful with his words than she was. Sometimes, that is; because some other times he would say things he regretted; but still he was always better with words than she was. “It’s listening to students gossip about how cute you two are together.” 

“What student? The same one who calls you Harry?” 

He stopped and his shoulders tensed before his green eyes investigate his wife’s. In that moment, he had forgotten all about how non-constructive that was going to be and even if he had known, when he wasn’t mad, that talking about it would bring no good; he couldn’t let it be then. 

“Harry’s my name, Blue.” 

“Oh, I know that. I also called you Harry when I was a student.” 

She had poured herself a glass of water and she had a sip while she avoided his eyes so she missed the way she had hurt him. She had never really allowed herself to ponder about that thought because deep down she knew it was stupid but she had look at that student and she had seen herself sixteen years prior and she had had the fear that she wasn’t so young anymore and she didn’t look like it either and maybe Harry had noticed too. 

“What are going on about?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Are you comparing that to us?” 

And he said that with all the horror he could muster because he would never think Blue would ever feel that way. The thing was, yes, he had slept with a student but he was so much younger then and he had married that student so he didn’t think it was something anyone could hold over his head; much less her anyway. And he had never felt judged by that, not by her at least, until she said that. 

Her eyes challenged him and she stood tall before him with her chest up and her shoulders tensed. He couldn’t possibly know that, for some things we just never know, but she would stand taller when she felt intimidated and there was no reason for her to feel intimidated then, if not by her own words and her own stupid fear of never being what he deserved. 

“It’s just funny that you’re the one jealous when I had a student the other day telling me oh, you mean Harry when I asked her if she could please hand you a patient’s chart on her way out.” 

“We work in a Uni hospital. I supervise students just like you do and my name’s Harry.” He stated the facts as if he was reading a list, “How does any of that make you jealous?” and then he wondered. 

“It was the way she said it, Harry. Oh, you mean Harry.” She mocked. “As if she could ever know you better than I do. I mean she clearly didn’t know you were married to me.” 

“Well, I don’t tell students about my personal life and let me remind you, you’re the one who didn’t want to take my last name in the hospital.” 

“That has nothing to do with this. We’ve been over that and it’s-”

“About feminism and Spanish tradition, I know. I’m not the one troubled about students not knowing we’re married.” 

“Yeah, that’s right. You don’t have a problem with that.” 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

“You were right, this is not constructive.” She sighed. 

“No, it’s not. It’s just... It’s not fair that you give me that shit when you’re the one..!” He took a deep breath. “I mean it annoyed you the tone a student used to talk about me, do you know what it feels like to be constantly reminded that your wife has such a special connection with her male coworker who happens to like her like a fool?”

“What special connection? What the hell are you talking about? It was just a dinner, years ago and nothing happened!” 

“What?” 

She swallowed. Time had stopped in her brain but she was suddenly very aware of the slow movement of the thin second hand from the clock her mother had placed on their kitchen wall. He didn’t mean that. Her hazel eyes shied away from his but his still searched for her and he waited and he wouldn’t let her scape. She sighed. This was not constructive. 

“Blue.” He urged her. 

“We had dinner” she admitted “when you asked me for a break, remember?” 

There it was, the defensive tone again, the defensive argument, the fear and the guilt tightening her throat. He felt his heart breaking and he wasn’t quite sure why then but, in his mind, he had seen them having dinner together and she had been wearing that pink dress he liked and he had felt his heart on his belly. 

“And you’re telling me this now. Ten years later.” 

“I wasn’t planning on telling you ever if it wasn’t already clear.” 

Why would she say those things? And why would she talk like that to him? She loved him, she didn’t want to hurt him. But in the midst of everything she was thinking, he thought she wasn’t planning on ever telling him because she knew it would hurt him and she knew it would hurt him because there was something that could. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to cry but he felt like she had just punched him on his chest. 

“You were the one who broke up with me.” She continued, for once she started with the defensive manner she couldn’t take it off. . 

“I didn’t break up with you. I just told you I needed some space.” 

“You told me you needed to stay away from me.” Her voice croaked even if ten years had happened. 

He had hurt her a lot back then and he had hurt her a lot when he had asked her for time even before they really got together all those years ago and that had been a reminder, and it had been a fear of her- that she wasn’t good enough, that she was hurting him, that he wasn’t happy with her. So thinking about it was painful and it would break her voice and make her cry every time. 

“I told you I needed to stay away from you so I could think coldly because I had learnt from your fucking boss that you had been considering taking a job offer in fucking Boston and you hadn’t told me anything, Blue.”

“What for? So you could talk to them and ask them to hire me just like you did to doctor Laurie? One humilliation is already one too many, Harry!” 

“I didn’t ask him to hire you!” He raised his voice then, just like she had done before, and he would later regret it but in that moment it was frustration that had gotten over him. “He asked me! I just told him what I thought! What did you want me to do? Lie to him? Tell him I thought you were terrible?” 

“I wanted you to tell me! You were- You are the most important person when it comes to that to me! Do you have any idea how I felt when I found out the person I admired the most didn’t even think I could get a job without his help?” 

“I was just looking out for you! I-” He stopped then. 

He had said that too many times and every time he thought she had believed him but it would randomly come up again, years later, and they would start all over again. And he was done with that. 

“Okay, we’re on a swirl.” He sighed. “We’re just throwing past, old things at each other’s faces and I don’t want to be a part of this.” 

“Oh, you don’t want to be a part of this? Why don’t you leave then? Do you need another break from me?” 

“Why? Do you feel like going to dinner with Danny again?” 

She narrowed her eyes and her jaw clenched. 

“No, but if you want to know, he’s coming with me to take Anie to the centre tomorrow again.” 

“What do you mean again? He went with you today?” 

“Yes, he did because he actually cares.”

“Fucking great, Blue. And you have the nerve to wonder what my problem with Danny is. He fucking looks like my baby’s dad. Because Anie’s my daughter, right? Or did you go on another fucking date with him that you also forgot to mention?”

“You did not just say that.” 

“One has to wonder after all!” 

“No! You have no right to give me that! I am the one who’s had to deal with women talking about you all the time! Don’t you remember? When we started dating and you had already slept with half the Neo floor?” She yelled. “I had to compete with-”

“You have some nerve talking to me about competion...” 

“Oh, yeah? Against whom have you ever competed, huh? It has always been clear that I was crazy about you! Not just to you, but to everyone! It’s been so easy for you. You’ve always had me wrapped around your finger. You-”

“Easy? You’re not the one who’s had to live under the shadow of a dead boyfriend, Blue.”

She had been hugging her knees to her chest and replaying every word they had ever said in her mind when Hughie came to find her, phone in hand. 

“Daddy quiere hablar contigo.” (Daddy wants to talk to you.) He had given her a little smile at that and he had said he would tuck himself in bed on his own because he wasn’t a baby. 

“Hi.” She smiled at her husband’s exhausted expression. 

“Hi.” He smiled back. 

That was good. 

“How are you?” 

She shrugged and then she sighed. 

“I’ve been better...” 

“Yeah, me too...”

“The boys really miss you.” She let him know. “And Anie. And Wheez.” 

He smiled. If he was being honest he had missed the dog quite a lot too, and his babies but that was rather obvious. 

“And you?” He dared. 

“Me too.” 

He nodded. 

“I miss you guys too... Are you, uh, ready to talk?” 

She just nodded. She didn’t think they were going to be doing that on Facetime but if that was what he wanted then that was what she would do. 

“Okay.” He swallowed. “What do you say about having lunch out tomorrow? You know, so we can talk properly.” 

Her heart broke. She thought if he wanted to meet her outside the house it must be worse than she expected. He wouldn’t want to have her crying on her knees for him not to leave her and if they were out somewhere, he knew she would not do that. 

“Sure.”

“Good. Uh...”

“I’ll ask Coco to stay with Anie and we can meet while the boys are still in school. Early lunch?” 

“Sure. Sounds good.” 

“Good.” 

“See you tomorrow then.” 

“See you.”

He hadn’t shaved. He had a week’s worth of stubble and he hadn’t particularly done it on purpose but he knew she liked it. She told him all the time, that she loved shaving him or watching him shaved, but that she loved running her fingertips along his stubble too and that she loved that he wasn’t a hairy man but still had some soft hair on his chest. 

He gave her a little smile from the table as he watched her walking towards him and he stared at her baby blue coat and her black jeans and the way her hair brushed against her shoulders before falling down her back. Her hair was long again. 

He stood up when she reached him, “Hi.” and he held her waist with one hand and pecked her lips swiftly and she felt her pulse accelerates. 

“Hi.” 

The waiter approached them and they both ordered water and giggled before reading over the menus and choosing what their bellies desired and then he gave her a smile and she didn’t know what he’d say.

“You have no idea how sorry I am.” 

But out of all the things he could have said, she wasn’t expecting that. So her brows meet on her forehead and she let a sigh scaped her lips as the waiter placed the glasses and the bottle of water on the table. 

“I’m sorry too.” She said when he left. “I’ve felt like shit all week, wanting to just go back in time and keep my mouth shut. I am so, so sorry I didn’t hear you out about this Danny thing. It just doesn’t make sense to me that you would ever be jealous of anyone, Har, because” she had started talking and she felt like she couldn’t stop, but he had let her and he was listening, with one hand over the table and the other resting on his thigh, and he was staring at her and he would remain silent for as long as she needed him to. “you are my person. I am constantly thinking about you like anything I do or anything I see it’s just like I have to tell Harry and I’m 37 years old” she raised her eyebrows as if saying that’s a lot to be thinking like that but he just scoffed and blinked “so the fact that you can be jealous about a special connection, you said? A special connection is this, is what I have with you, you’re my special connection and you can’t be afraid of anyone taking a place that you made for yourself.” 

He smiled but his eyes had gotten teary. He found out he was a rather emotional man a couple of years after meeting her when he had cried after accidentally finding a photo album that she had made entirely about him and she had written little notes on every page like bold of him to look at me like that or the beauty and he had felt tears rolling down his cheeks as he stared at them. 

She gave him a smile and her hand rested on top of his over the table and he squeezed her hand before she started whispering. 

“And about Dylan, not our son... About Dylan Meyer... I didn’t know that was how you felt. I, uh, I thought... I mean throughout the years you have been with me through all of that and... Well, you were the one who encouraged me to get the courage to visit his grave for the first time and you’ve even been there with me and... I mean our son... We named our son after him and I swear I wouldn’t have said anything if you hadn’t-”

“Baby” He gently interrupted her “let me stop you there, please. I don’t feel like that. I just said it because I knew it would hurt you.” His voice croaked. “And I regret it so much because you didn’t deserve it and it was nasty and I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” She looked down at her plate. 

“No, no, it’s not. Listen, baby, this has been very hard on us both but... You’re smarter than me, you’ve always been, and you’re stronger than me too and... After this week I’ve been thinking and I think you were right, maybe I just don’t want to see it because I don’t want to accept that my baby girl is not going to understand the world.” He shrugged. “I don’t want to think that she won’t be able to love somebody the way I love you.” 

“Funny how I’ve been thinking the exact opposite.” She chuckled in an attemtp to lighten up the mood. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just trying to justify why I don’t understand her like I do the boys but it’s just... You know how Dylan’s a mama’s boy and I know Hughie likes you better” she giggles at the way he smirks “and so does Ana but with her it’s just different. It’s not just that she likes you better, she’s just... I feel like I can’t reach her.” 

“Well, still I think therapy can do her no harm. If anything we’d be creating a super human with uncharacteristically developed emotions processing skills.”

They both managed to laugh at that and after that bit of laughter had been shared, they stared into each other’s eyes and were suddenly aware of their hand hold over the table. 

“I’m so lucky you’re their mother.” He stated. “This week’s been good reflection time for me to actually realize how incredible of a mum you are.” 

Her smile trembled then but he didn’t remain silent that time. 

“You’ve always understand them in a way that’s beyond my understanding and I’ve seen you protecting them fiercely like a lioness and I’m just so... Calmed. I feel serene because they have you. I mean I know you love me, I have no doubts of that, but I’m also pretty sure that you would use my body as a human shield to protect them if you had to and that weirdly brings me so much peace.” 

She threw her head back and laughed at his words and he chuckled along, with a new fear that they might be true. 

“It’s soothing to know that’s what you have been thinking about this week. I thought you were considering a divorce.” 

His green eyes opened wide and he stared into hers. Was she serious? Oh, damn, she was. He raised his eyebrows. 

“Okay, baby, listen carefully to me, you know how we vowed when we got married?” 

“Yes.” She smirked. 

“Well, after knowing that idea has been in your mind, I’m gonna need you to promise something else to me.” 

She smirked and nodded. 

“If I ever even mention a divorce, like if I ever say to you anything along the lines of going our separate ways, please promise me you would take me to Psych.”

And then she laughed again. 

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 70: The Triwizard Tournament

Papers of varying importance went flying into the air, desks were knocked clean off their feet right along with them, and chairs and ink bottles pelted them all as the eight of them crash landed once more. At least none of the furniture came to life to attack them this time though.

"Alice!" Frank gasped at once, rushing madly to her side.

She assured him she was fine, a bit sore but fine, as she in turn thanked him profusely for the rescue. Lily and the Marauders were all getting to their feet as well in varying degrees of stiff pain before Frank remembered to look around more critically for the last of their group, and then cursing once more uneasily as he didn't automatically spot him.

They were in a very large, open office space, with world maps encircling all around them. Even a cursory look at one had it zooming in to Great Britain before he looked away dismissively and it returned back to normal. Doors lead off in an abundance of directions, several left casually open. The Marauders were already poking their heads inside curiously, Sirius calling out for his younger brother loud enough that anybody probably could have heard through several walls regardless.

Alice had his hand in a white knuckled grip, the question all but etched into her forehead even as she met his eyes without accusation. It was more than he deserved, if the lad really wasn't here then-

"I found him!" Lupin called from all the way back near the lifts. They all hurried over to find him splayed out uncomfortably, still flushed red in the face, but breathing alright as far as they could tell.

Sirius didn't seem ready to take anyone else's word for it as he tapped him repeatedly on the face. "Reggie? Come on you little shit, if you die on me I'm not explaining it to our parents."

He groaned, his eyelids fluttered for a moment, but while his face was returning to normal color he still remained lax. Sirius grabbed his shoulders and set him upright against his own shoulder while scowling at Frank.

"Poor kid," Lily said in sympathy. "I'm sure he'll be alright though." She hadn't really forgiven him yet for when he'd laughed at that foul word being used, but seeing how small he looked now was easing her up just a bit, as she reminded herself how impressionable people could be.

Potter cleared his throat and offered an awkward change of subject. "So, this is the Department Crouch runs eh? Looks a dump."

Peter couldn't stop a snort of surprise at the mess that they'd created. James gave him the most awkward smile imaginable, causing Peter to blush and wander off elsewhere. Baby steps.

Sirius watched him go with a scowl in place, before he looked at Prongs who was now watching his trainers intently. Then, softly from his arms he heard a muttered, "Five more minutes," and looked down in time to see his brother trying to burrow further into his arms, before his dark eyes fluttered open and he saw how close their faces were.

Regulus' immediately scrunched up in displeasure, and he said in no uncertain terms, "Let, go."

Sirius did. The brat fell to the floor and groaned as Sirius stormed off in any other direction that did not have a person in sight muttering about arseholes, his nose was probably still smarting.

"Well, now that that's all settled, I'm just going to," Potter waved his hand in the air once more, forever acting as if this was a casual day of studies and leisure. Then with a quick spell, the book was in his hand and he was perching himself on the nearest desk and flipping for his spot.

Alice gave the book a rather miffed look, it couldn't have bloody done that for her when she needed it? Lily went over to the nearest map and began inspecting it curiously, intrigued at once as she found it zooming in to show a nice wooded area, the same in fact as the one near her home. Curious, she then visualized in her mind downtown London, and was greeted with a deserted view of there as well.

Frank slumped to the ground where Regulus had been, peeling off a paper from his shoe that had a long list of names on it for some reason, rather French ones he decided as a few leaped out at him.

All of them stopped what they were doing when Potter cleared his throat uneasily and read the chapter title.

"The Triwizard Tournament?" Lupin had stayed by Potter's side and was now looking over his shoulder as if checking his pronunciation. "I've read about that, was banned ages ago though."

"Why?" Alice asked in surprise as she stayed restlessly on her feet, but enjoying the feeling of being able to do so much too much to get more comfortable. "Sounds like what, a game between schools? Too many sore losers?"

"Too many deaths," Lily corrected without looking up from the map, which was hovering over Australia now for some reason. "Thing was a nightmare from what I've read about it."

"And now it's back, and around Harry," Potter gave an exaggerated sigh. "Why am I not surprised?"

He looked eagerly at her to see a return, but she didn't even acknowledge him, causing him to pout and dive into the story.

It started off with a charming reminder of how horrid the weather was as they were arriving at school, and Peeves causing further misfortune to no one's surprise but at least James Potter's mirth.

He laughed boisterously at Peeves' old tricks for several moments, before he realized none of his friends had joined in. Sirius Black was in one of the offices, demolishing it by the sounds of it, and Peter Pettigrew was now sitting awkwardly at the edge of the room and spinning the chair about, as if he couldn't decide if he wanted to be seen or not. Remus Lupin was still beside him, but with such a distant gaze on his face it was a wonder if he was taking in a word.

The four must have had some sort of confrontation back on the campgrounds, and Alice winced and shuffled even more uncomfortably in place at the idea of how long this could last. Their other fight had ended in blows, and though time was nonlinear in their circumstances, it couldn't have been more than hours for that to happen always confined around each other. Previously though she knew from the social circles of the school three of them had avoided one of their own for a month just before they'd all fallen into this mess. The details of that fight non were privy to either, nor was she sure she wanted to know at this point.

It's not as if she had stakes in their fight, and things hadn't exactly been more pleasant during the first two books when they'd been getting along at their most civil. Yet she still felt the urge to do, something. Of the five minute conversation she'd had with Remus Lupin, he'd certainly been pleasant enough, though she still couldn't help but wince at the horrid image of a monstrous creature lunging for her throat when she wasn't looking at him, though seeing him now fidgeting with the sleeve of his robes deep in thought, he looked like a perfectly normal teen.

She hadn't even spoken to the others one on one, but maybe she could? Perhaps what they needed was a mediator?

Amidst her pondering thoughts, James Potter had read all through the waiting around, the Sorting Hat's song, the actual sorting, the majority of dinner, and Hermione's little tiff over house elves being there. He'd just gotten through the majority of Dumbledore's speech when he stopped, and in doing so gained everyone's attention.

Whether for dramatic effect or he'd been genuinely surprised, it was always hard to tell with him, he then described the new DADA teacher for the year, Mad-Eye Moody.

"Fits, doesn't it?" Lily sighed, finally looking away from the map which zoomed out of an apothecary shop in Northern Ireland back to normal. "Harry always seems to hear of his teachers before they wind up there."

"I wish we were less acquainted with him," Remus Lupin grumbled, stretching his neck for emphasis.

The description was honestly frightening, the kind of man you'd meet and wonder how he was still alive. Frankly, if she'd lived through his battle hardened state, she may be just as paranoid as him in booby-trapping every inch of her home.

His arrival was thankfully not lingered upon though, even if James Potter said his introduction with a rather sour expression she couldn't blame what with the bruises she was sure to have added from his home, before they were all reminded the Triwizard Tournament was going to be an event at Hogwarts.

Dumbledore didn't exactly explain much they hadn't worked out on their own, so she decided to at least give her plan a try before they were thrown into their next perilous situation. She'd have liked to start with James Potter, as their ringleader she was sure his opinion mattered the most, but she could hardly pull him aside as he all but egged on the twins' plan to join this tournament. Instead, she hesitated between the other two.

Mostly, she felt for both parties. Sirius Black had been dealt a very harsh blow to his life in a few short words, what with hearing a best friend of his would cause so many problems, yet it didn't sit right with her he was blaming this on his friend who'd never strayed from his side during all the accusations being pinned against him.

Peter Pettigrew wasn't one she could sympathize with entirely though, his friends knew him best and if they couldn't see past such a horrible betrayal then what if he was really capable of it? He seemed remorseful of it now though, and her heart ached at the idea of a choice, even if he inevitably made the wrong one, being taken from him.

So she avoided the bangs coming from an office that had done nothing to deserve it, like everyone else was, and made her way over to his little corner with the most polite and open expression she could, soured somewhat by a glare back at the book for Neville sharing his feelings about the tournament. His grandmother, her possible future mother in law, never missed a chance to make her possible kid feel unworthy, did she?

"Sorry," Peter Pettigrew apologized, stopping his spinning abruptly. "I, ah, hadn't realized I was bothering anyone-" without quite meeting her eyes.

"Oh no," she said quickly, straightening her expression back out. "I, um, came to see how you were doing."

It was hard to imagine him as a fat, lazy rat who did nothing but sleep and betray others as she looked into his youthful face now full of bewilderment, the images as divided from each other as Remus Lupin when he'd been a werewolf.

"Oh," was all he said lamely for several moments, before looking side-eyed at where Regulus Black was holding his head steady and taking calming breaths. He was probably still feeling a bit dizzy from his spell. "Erm, alright, I guess. The dust, never did anything to me. It was weird not being able to change, though. I, didn't like that," he finished quietly. "Made me think there for a second I'd be stuck as a-"

He stopped abruptly and swallowed before resuming his spinning. Regulus Black looked up and in their direction, but then went cross-eyed at the chair's movements and closed his eyes as if in pain.

She sighed as she realized this was probably Peter's intention, he clearly didn't want an audience. "Alright then," she smiled wide enough she was sure he'd see it despite his restlessness. "Just doing the rounds, making sure and all."

"Right," he muttered noncommittally as James Potter wound down the chapter with the lot of new fourth years climbing into bed. He warned them the chapter was about to end, and sighed without any enthusiasm at what was next.

[meichenxi]

For the ask game! 9, 12, and 22?

Yay more askies :D this is going to be likewise long! 

9) What does a week in your language learning routine look like?

- I’m not particularly disciplined in the way that I study, though I do tend to study most days. I’m very good at making plans but less at following them consistently, so this is a more realistic depiction of what I do! 

- Because I’m currently studying with HSK Online and they have two classes a week which cover about 3 chapters, I have a lot of vocabulary and grammar that I need to cover in the app before attending those classes, so most of my studies at the moment are focused on getting that done. So: 

Vocabulary and grammar:

(I do this all most days, depending on what exactly I need to do for the next lesson, but I try to do Quizlet every day)

1) I go through the vocabulary and grammar lessons, and write down the vocab and any example sentences.

2) When I input this into Quizlet, I use Baidu Translate to look at example sentences to get a better feel for how the word is used. I also write a couple of sentences / say a couple of sentences with each word. Baidu Translate is a fantastic tool, much better for Chinese than Google Translate, and it has an example sentences section where you can get the pinyin if you hover over the characters. 

3) After I feel I vaguely know the words for that day, I will go back and actively study them on Quizlet. For any words I forget I’ll write more sentences, or look at more examples. If there are any grammar points, I look them up on Chinese grammar wiki. 

Input and reading

(I don’t do these at any specific time, but luckily I quite enjoy this section so am very happy to Consume Media)

1) Try to read something every day. It doesn’t matter exactly what this is - often it’s Bilibili comments! I also like to skim through my graded reader and try to practice scan-reading.

2) I do dedicated HSK-style reading practice a few times a week as well. Again, I use the HSK Online app for this. It’s terrifying but necessary. This one I do have to motivate myself to do. 

3) I watch a lot of Chinese shows. Some with English subs, some with Chinese subs. My favourites include The Untamed (obviously), Nirvana in Fire (will always need the subs for this rip), Tian Guan Ci Fu (a donghua on Bilibili) and Street Dance of China. I probably watch a good 5-10 hours of TV a week. 

4) I learn other things through Chinese. So I watch lectures or courses on Bilibili or do workout videos. I especially like watching videos teaching beginners Cantonese and Japanese, two languages I am interested in learning, as well as Literary Chinese.

5) I listen to podcasts in Chinese when I’m walking around. My favourites include 聊聊东西, 听故事学中文 and 面包吐司. They are all in Chinese, but all specifically designed for foreigners, though the first and last are not learning podcasts, just podcasts of fairly accessible content where people chat about things like smoking, health, dating and so on. The second one is a podcast where stories are read in Chinese, and then explained sentence-by-sentence in Chinese, so it’s more ‘learning’. 

12 - What tips would you give to people that want to study the language/s you’re studying?

1) It’s an uphill slog, but you’re at the hardest place right now. So if you feel discouraged, if you feel overwhelmed, nobody else got it after one month either! It will take time, but is there anything worthwhile that doesn’t?  

2) Invest in good pronunciation training right from the beginning. If you can’t take classes, watch videos (YoYo Chinese, Outlier Chinese, Mandarin Blueprint etc have good tone series). Practice tone pairs. Tone pairs are your saviours. Practice repeating what the speaker actually says, not what you think they say. Learn a little bit about phonetics. 

3) Listen to Chinese right from the get go, as much as you can. Listening is many people’s weakest area, especially if they are learning it in a non-Chinese speaking environment. Play podcasts all the time. Differentiate between ‘learning’ podcasts (which will mostly be in English at the beginning), and podcasts that just train your ear to the sounds of Chinese. Have Chinese podcasts on all the time, regardless of whether you understand them or not. 

4) Invest in a structured course. I don’t necessarily mean classes with a teacher, though if you can I would recommend italki (feel free to contact me to see which teachers I’d recommend). But consider something like Chinese Zero to Hero, where they have videos explaining HSK1 through to HSK6. It’s about 100 dollars, but even if you have to save up for a few months to get that, I’d recommend it. Why? Because Chinese is overwhelming and there’s so much to learn. Having someone to tell you what you need to learn next is an absolute god-send. Plus, they know more than you what beginners need to tackle. They also have beginner-appropriate audio, which is absolutely crucial to learning to speak. I really would recommend this course. 

5) Learn properly about how characters work from the get go. Learn about phonetic and semantic components. Learn what types of characters there are, learn the most common components, and learn to hand-write them too. 

6) Record yourself speaking as much as you can. Play it back. How does it sound? Record it again. 

7) Practice reading from the moment you have around 150 characters. There are excellent physical graded readers as well as apps like The Chairman’s Bao and Du Chinese. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE IT OUT. It takes time for you to get used to reading in a second language, especially one with unfamiliar characters. 

8) Decide whether you’re going for traditional or simplified, and stick with it. Do not learn both unless you have a very good reason. If you think you might go to Hong Kong or Taiwan, have family there, want to read literary Chinese, or even understand ‘deeper’ how certain characters have developed, you can learn traditional, but if you’re less than 100% sure, go with simplified. It’s easier for beginners, and if you have a good level of simplified Chinese, traditional isn’t that hard to pick up later down the line - some common characters are completely different, but many are different in very predictable ways. If you are not absolutely sure you are going to need traditional, I’d recommend simplified. 

9) Really, really consider your motivation. Why are you learning? Do you just think it would be cool? It is cool, but that’s not enough of a reason to embark on any language, much less one with extra difficulties like Chinese. In an ideal situation, you’d be intrinsically motivated all the time: but that’s not always going to happen. Do you have Chinese family you’d like to communicate with better? Do you want to travel to a Chinese speaking country? Do you want to read Chinese poetry? Do you just really love Xiao Zhan?? If you’re doing it ‘for your career’, please bear in mind that you won’t get any points for learning half a language. If you’re not willing to engage with the culture and the people, you’re just not going to be successful long term. 

10) Find things you like watching / listening to / reading in Chinese as soon as you can. Bored? Unmotivated? Stick a favourite episode of your favourite drama on. It still technically counts as immersion, and when your language skills are better, you’ll be able to use that as your textbook!! Try and find something that will make you want to read or listen in Chinese, and then it won’t feel like a chore. It’ll also become a motivation, because inevitably the more you explore the Chinese language internet, the more you’ll find things you can’t interact with in translation and need your language skills for. 

22 - How has learning about the culture of the country impacted your language learning?

Hmm, this is a really interesting question!! I'll have to answer in a few ways.

1) I'm interested in a lot of things about Chinese culture, which fuelled my interest for learning Chinese, and also let me learn in a more fun way. I’m a huge tea nerd, I enjoy listening to Chinese traditional music though I know very little about it, and I enjoy calligraphy. I think that some hanfu is just objectively the most gorgeous clothing on the planet and I enjoy Chinese water-and-mountain style landscape art. I also love the karst landscapes of some parts of southern China (OH MY GOD LIMESTONE MY FAVOURITE ROCK) and I’ve had a faded picture of Zhangjiajie on my wall since I was about nine. This is very different from my experience with German: I love the German language, and I have a lot of great friends from German-speaking countries, but I’m not intrinsically interested in the culture the same way I am Chinese-speaking countries. Because there’s so much I want to learn, it gives me a) huge motivation for continuing studying, b) makes it a more holistic, rounded experience, and c) provides me with wonderful study materials. At the intermediate level, I can avoid textbooks if I really want to and just learn about tea. Isn't that just the dream. Also, realistically, if I want to be able to read poetry in literary Chinese, my modern Chinese has to be a lot better. So I’m very motivated because of this. 

2) My interest in martial arts! I originally started learning Chinese because I had gotten interested in Chinese culture via wuxia and martial arts. My dad is a huge martial arts nerd. By that I don’t mean someone who sits on his sofa all day with a nunchuck collection and Bruce Lee pictures, I mean he gets up at 6 every day and trains for about 2-3 hours. He can run a 5:30 minute mile aged 56. I have so much respect for this man, seriously. He used to practice karate, taekwondo and Muay Thai, but after he got sick he started with taiji. He’s practiced taiji and qigong now every day for about twenty years. So I was brought up on a diet of Hong Kong and mainland Chinese martial arts cinema - my dad would regularly show me clips of films because I couldn’t watch the whole ones until I was older, and get into trouble when my mum came back! We spent hours learning forms together and doing push-hands in the kitchen. Even now when we go home our form of affection is trying to kick each other without being kicked back lmao. I discovered the Jin Yong books in English about 15 and was just entranced by the names of the movements, by the action, the galloping across the plains, the sweeping scenery. I have inherited this interest, and am also a huge martial arts nerd and so a large motivation for me learning Chinese is that a) I love the genre of wuxia and want to know more about it, and b) I’d like to spend a few years training at an academy in Wudang and want to be able to understand as much as possible and for that, I obviously need the language to a high level!!! I started jiu jitsu when I was 8, started a southern style of Kung Fu when I was fifteen, studied for a few months in China in an academy, and it’s been my dream to go back since.

3) Different cultural attitudes, the outside park culture, and how people talk to each other. I’m from the UK, alright - we don’t do things in public and we certainly don’t approach strangers!! So when I was in China this was one of the weirdest things to get used to, next to just the sheer amount of people (I grew up in a village of 2000). But though it was tiring at times, I liked it so much. It was so refreshing to have people ask me questions because they were curious, and start talking to me. One of the reasons that I think my accidental immersion-only approach to learning Chinese the first time I was in China worked was because I just couldn’t stay away from the parks. People practicing taiji, playing badminton, chilling with kids, doing calisthenics: isn’t that just so so cool??? And naturally if I was in the parks, people would chat to me. This patience and friendliness (because my Chinese truly was awful) combined with many people’s lack of ability / confidence in English meant that I was able to improve in a way which would have been impossible in, say, Germany or Finland. Can you imagine?? Once an old guy came up to me, peered over my shoulder at my (English) book, then announced loudly, ‘I can’t read it.’ I was like - can you read English?? He shook his head, and then pointed to a small boy: ‘This is my grandson. He’s learning English.’ That kind of interaction repeated daily, as well as being in a second-tier city where I had to speak Chinese, did so much for my language skills. It also made me very motivated to improve. Also, training and exercise is just a great way to meet people: no matter your language skills, if you are dedicated people are going to respect that, and if you’re both there every day, you’re going to get chatting eventually. 

Phew, that got long again (what a surprise). But thank you very much for your questions!! :D