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queenxxxsupreme · 3 years

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More Take Than Give (Arthur Morgan x reader)

A/N: hi! sorry for my absense! i got busy with a few things and forgot how to write :)

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: a bit angsty, some fluff

Summary: After Blackwater, things are only getting more strained between you and Arthur.

***

The sound of floorboards creaking pulled you from your sleep.

You brought your hand up to rub your eyes. You glanced over to the curtains, curious to know if it was morning yet. Calling them curtains was an overstatement. They were really just sheets you and Abigail had pinned up with some nails.

Through a crack in the makeshift curtain, you could see a blue sky. The sun had yet to rise.

You reached out for Arthur, hoping that by some chance you’d find his warm body next to you. But just as you expected, he was gone. It was a rarity to wake up to him still in bed with you. Usually, he was up before the sun, going on runs for Dutch or with someone on a job.

You turned your head to look around the room. Your eyes caught Arthur standing by the table between the two windows. He was half way dressed with just his jeans on, and in his hands he held a piece of paper.

All you could see was his side profile, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t see the way he seemed to scowl at the paper.

“Whatcha readin’?” You asked after watching him for a few moments.

He turned his head to meet your gaze, offering you a soft smile as he took in your sleepy morning look. Your hair was a mess, the braid it had been in was long gone and the strap to your chemise was falling off of your shoulder.

“Just a note.” He folded the paper up and put it back down on the table. “Dutch has plans for me and Micah.”

As Arthur moved towards the bed, you rolled over on to your back, eyes following him. He propped one knee up on the edge of the bed and placed his hands on either side of the bed by your head. He leaned down to kiss your forehead. His scruff created a pleasant scratchy burn on your skin as he kissed you.

“Good mornin’, pumpkin.”

“Mmmhm.” You hummed softly, slipping your arms around his shoulders. You did your best to tug him down to you, but he resisted, using his knee to keep himself from collapsing on to you.

“Easy there. We don’t need you startin’ something that’ll get both of us into trouble.”

“Can’t you just wait a few minutes?” You frowned. You let him go and watched as he took a few steps away from the bed. He placed his hands on his belt, eyes finding yours. “Just lay here with me. We aren’t usually in camp together most mornings, Arthur.”

“There’s good reason for that.” He chuckled softly, turning to go to one of the windows. He rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. “I’d never get outta bed if it were that way.”

You smiled.

“What’s his plan for you and Micah?”

“Not sure. He wants me to meet up with Micah. Note said Micah will have the rest of the information.”

“I don’t want you goin’ out with Micah.” You sat up, pulling your chemise strap into place.

“I don’t got much of a choice, pumpkin.”

You stood up from the bed and went over to where a broken mirror hung up on the wall. You raked your fingers through your hair and began to braid it back.

“Y/N, I don’t got a choice–,”

“I know, Arthur.”

“Then why are you mad at me?”

You shook your head softly.

“Because sometimes…. Sometimes I’d like to have a day to forget.”

Arthur let out a soft sigh. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, running his hand over his face.

“A day for us.”

“I know. I know.” He nodded. “I’ll see if I can figure somethin’ out. But with the Pinkertons and Dutch–,”

“I know.” You finished the braid and turned to face him. “I know.”

He looked up at you.

“If you know, then why are you gettin’ so upset?”

“I’m allowed to be upset, Arthur.” You moved across the room to sit on the bed next to him. You tucked one leg underneath yourself and faced him. “I’m allowed to be upset that we don’t get the things we want. This is the first time in a long time that we’ve had privacy away from everyone and we haven’t even gotten time to ourselves.”

“I know.” He slipped his hand around the back of your head and pulled you closer to him so that he could kiss your head. “But we will in due time, pumpkin. Things are just…. up in the air right now.”

“I know.”

“Arthur!” Someone called from downstairs.

“That’s Susan.” He muttered, standing to his feet. He made his way to the door so he could poke his head. “I’ll be down in just a second, Mrs. Grimshaw!”

“You better!”

Arthur closed the door and turned back to face you. You had gotten up from the bed to get a shirt for him.

“Duty calls, Mr. Morgan.” You held the shirt open for him.

“Hey.” He frowned, taking the shirt from you and placing it aside. “Don’t get that tone with me.”

“I don’t have a tone.”

“Yes, you do.” Arthur placed two fingers underneath your chin and tilted your head up. “You are my number one priority, you know that?”

You said nothing as you gazed up at him. When he said nothing else, you grabbed the shirt and held it open for him.

“You best finish getting dressed. Don’t need Mrs. Grimshaw coming up here.”

He slipped one arm carefully through each sleeve, momentarily turning his back to you. But then he was facing you, blue eyes intensely staring down at you.

You tried to look down so you could button up his shirt but he held your chin a little more firmly between his thumb and index.

“You know that, don’t you?” His thumb ghosted over your skin. His brows drew together ever so slightly.

“Sometimes it don’t feel like it.” You admitted softly. “They call for you. You go. They need something from you, anything from you, and you give it to them. They need you to run out for them, you’ll do it. Whether it’s across town or across the damn country, you’ll drop everything and do it. If they asked for the shirt off your back, you’d give it to them. You…. You’re too good of a man for those folks, Arthur Morgan.”

“Well, clearly I ain’t that good of a man if my lady doesn’t think she’s important to me.” He let his hand fall from you and took a step back.

“Arthur.” You reached out to take his hand. “I know I am important to you. But you don’t…. don’t think about yourself first. So that means you come to bed late and sometimes I never see you.”

“I’ve got to take care of these people, Y/N. Of the girls and John and his family–,”

“I know you do.” You murmured, nodding your head. “But who is going to take care of them if you run yourself into the ground?”

Arthur said nothing.

You turned to go back to the bed.

“It’s still early. I’m going to get some sleep.” Your words were quiet, but he heard you anyway. You knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep. You’d probably get up just after he left and go down to one of the fires for coffee. But right now, you didn’t want to keep fighting with him.

You settled onto the bed with your back to Arthur.

He let out a breath through his nose as he buttoned up his shirt.

He moved to kneel down by the edge of the bed, placing his hand on your arm.

“I love you, pumpkin.”

You felt him kiss the back of your head.

You placed your hand over his that rested on your arm.

“I got a bad feelin’ about whatever Dutch is plannin’. I’m not…. I’m not sure what’s goin’ on in his head, but I’ve gotta make sure the girls, Hosea, and John and his family are okay.”

“Love you too, bear.” You squeezed his fingers. “Be safe.”

He smiled softly before standing up and moving towards the door. On his way out, he picked up his hat that rested on the table.

Taglist: @winterwolf @lauramb7 @caraqas @bluscryn @krenee1drful @zodiacaldust @nonodino @cal-lifornication @thefirelordm @sargeantsea @sokkasdarling @thecollection @mayday1284 @kashasenpai @misskrql @brooke-supernatural16 @lassiee @hocdolliday @antoinette-2131 @micahs-bird

If your name is in italics, it wouldn’t let me tag you :(

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan angst #rdr1 #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 fic #arthur morgan fic #arthur morgan oneshot #queenxxxsupreme #oneshot

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mythiccheroacademia · 4 years

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Attitude

A/N: Lord knows I got a nasty attitude when I get in my feelings. I swear I’m working on it 😭 Anyways, when my past entanglments used to (respectfully) put me in my place, it had me feelings some things 🥴 so I’m translating that into headcanons. Hopefully this will get me out of my little writer’s block. Hope y’all enjoy ❤️

Warnings: cursing, implied sexual activity

Todoroki Natsuo:

natsuo is generally an easy-going person so it takes a lot to get him riled up

when you get an attitude, it doesnt really bother him bc he can understand where you’re coming from

but dont get too disrespectful bc he’ll remind you who you’re talking to

like when you do poorly on an exam and it just ruins your mood

you don’t feel like talking to anybody so you ignore his text when he asks you to meet up for lunch

he’ll assume you didnt see it or youre napping

but then he spots you on campus and goes to hug you

he notices you’re stiff in his arms but doesnt think much of it

“did you see my text?” he asks

“yea, sorry. i forgot to respond.”

that makes him give you a side eye bc that’s what you usually say to people when you just didnt want to answer their text

“it’s okay if you had other things to do. you just had to tell me—“

“i said i forgot, okay? sorry!”

his head kind jerks back in surprise but he drops it

he’s a todoroki, so instead of giving you space, the dense™️ gene activates and he’s all up in your business

even though he’s only being a good bf and trying to cheer you up, you’re annoyed af

texts you throughout the rest of your day about how you’re doing even though you respond with two word sentences

shows up to your dorm and you only let him in bc you feel bad

and he brought food

but now you’re regretting it bc he’s just yip yapping away and his cheery attitude is pissing you off

fed up, natuso finally confronts you after you snap at him one too many times

“what’s with the attitude, y/n”

“i don’t have one” (okay miss girl)

“well you’ve been acting like you have one all day”

you smacked your teeth and got up “i don’t care natsuo. if you think i do then you can just—“

“y/n”

natsuo barks your name in a way that makes you turn your head

he grabs your arm and firmly tugs you back on the couch so you’re face to face with his frown

“now i dont know who you’re mad at, but i know it ain’t me. so you can either sit here and have a conversation with me like an adult or i can leave bc i don’t need the attitude”

you: 😮

you keep up an annoyed faaçade but inside youre melting

who knew natsuo could be so assertive?

like damn, okay daddy

you apologize and telling him what’s got you so sour

once you seem relaxed, he goes back to his usual self and y’all end up cuddling until his hands start roaming your body

next thing you know, youre making great use of the couch

needless to say, you were back to your normal self the next morning LMAO

Shigaraki Tomura:

shigaraki is not the one

he might have his moments, but ever since he grew into his role, he expects everyone else to do the same

he lets his friends and loved ones get away with a lot of shit so he doesnt think it’s hard to give him some respect

and usually, it isn’t

but ever since he woke up, he’s been practically ignoring you

you got one kiss and a “missed you” and he kept it pushing

like bitch, wtf?

you know you were being selfish and petty but you went three whole months without dick your man and for him to pretty much ignore you bc he was “busy with his responsibilities” was making you feel some type of way

king of the underworld or not, you weren’t gonna take this laying down

for the next few days you were ms/r. petty 😌

every time he tried to greet you, you’d just nod your head and keep walking

he’d try to kiss you and you’d turn your head so his lips would land on your cheek instead

if you came back late, he’d ask you where you were, just to try and make conversation, and you’d just say “out”

shiggy is confused atp and it’s pissing him off

he didnt have the time to ask you about it before it got bad

there’s a meeting with the higher-ups, talking about the next game plan and you walk in about five min late bc you were held up with a previous responsibility

shigaraki happily regards you

“y/n, good. we wanted to wait for you before we started.”

“oh that’s suprising. didn’t think you’d notice my absense. sorry for the hold up,” you bite before sitting down with a huff

everyone: 😦

you: 🙃

shigaraki: 🤨

the people in the room are sweating bc now that shigaraki was thicc™️ and highkey indestructible, he was actually really scary now

even though you were his respected s/o, no one knew how he’d react

surpringly, he ignores your attitude and starts the meeting; so everyone forgets about it

the meeting goes on and whiles someone else is talking, you notice your bf shuffle his chair closer to yours

you give him a side eye “what do you--”

shigaraki grabs the side of your neck in a firm grip and pushes your ear against his lips

“i don’t know what’s up with you, but watch it, sweetheart” he whispers before he goes back to listening like nothing happened

you: well call me scared and horny!

when the meeting ends, it’s just the two of you and he eventually figures out why you’re being like this

he gives you a smirk and calls you a spoiled brat before laying you across the table and apologizing to you in the best way he knows how

Dabi:

lmaooo funny how you think this man gives a fuck

you’re really beefin with yourself bc he don’t got enough energy to deal with the pettiness

if you act way out of line though, don’t put it beneath him to retaliate

you give him nice, he’ll treat you sweeter

but you give him bitch, he’ll give you bitch back tenfold

it’s the same for you

you’re just as jelaous and stuborn as he is

you’re perfect for each other but still a lil toxic in a good way 💀

one time, you dragged him to go grocery shopping with you (he really hates how much he likes you lmao)

whiles you were a ways away getting something, a woman came up to him and started flirting with him

*spidey senses activated*

you watch from afar, expecting him to immediately turn her down but he “plays nice” and you can see him gobble up the attention

it’s not until she asks for his number that he points to you and she genuinely apologizes before taking her leave

dabi acts all surprised when you throw a soup can in the cart and stalk off

“you good bro?” he asks

“i’m great and i’m not your bro” you say, but there’s a clear attitude in your voice

you couldnt even hide it on your face

he’s mad confused, but dabi doesn’t push it bc he doesn’t time for all that

“okay, be mad by yourself lol”

you weren’t even that mad but now since he wants to be funny, it’s game over

“and you go fuck your other bitches”

he literally turns into that nick canon meme

dabi’s head is spinning

bc wtf are you even talking about, my guy?

“yooo, i dont know who you talking to but i know it’s not me”

“who tf else is here, dumbass?”

now you got him heated and he’s this close to just walking up out the store

but he thinks youre hot when you’re being crazy so he stays

he grabs your wrist to stop you “you’re doing a lot”

you snatch it out his hand, “and you didn’t do enough when that woman came up to you and started putting moves on you!”

ahh, so that’s why you’re angry

dabi’s anger fades and now he’s chuckling

“oh so you think this is funny? i’m not gonna stand here and be disrepsted by no man looking like a fucking burnt piece of charcoal--”

he pulls you into his arms and smothers your rant in a kiss that makes you see stars

you’re lucky the aisle is empty bc you spend the next ten seconds with his tongue down your throat

when he pulls back, he smirks at your speechlessness

“well this burnt piece of charcoal is your man. no one else’s. and don’t forget it, doll-face”

he smacks your ass and walks away leaving you nearly skipping behind him

#todoroki natsuo #natsuo x reader #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki x reader #dabi #todoroki touya #dabi x reader #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha x black!reader #mha x black reader #mha x poc!reader #bnha x poc!reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader

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pink-imagines · 4 years

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bad day

request: Hi. I'm going through a rough patch rn (someone I thought of as a best friend stabbed me in the back) and it's really hard. I was wondering how Bakugou, Kirishima, and Twice (if you write for him) would react to their normally perky s.o. suddenly being to upset to even get out of bed. Thank you so much.

a/n: this is kind of like part 2? anon asked for kirishima and twice too, so i’ll deliver! i decided to put both of them in this one, so scroll down to read twice’s!!

warnings: angst, crying

masterlist

requesting rules

Eijiro Kirishima

With yet another sigh you carefully cleaned the cuts over Eijiro’s body, he had gotten hurt during one of his shifts again. You felt his eyes on you but you refused to look up. “Y/N, I-” “I’m not your nurse, Eiji.”, you stated coldly, “I know that I’m still trying to find a job but that doesn’t mean it gives you the chance to be more reckless.” “I know-” “You need to look after yourself better, your work is dangerous.”, you pressed a bit harder with the cotton pad, making him hiss. “I get it, alright!?”, he snatched his arm away from you, “You don’t need to tell me how to do my job!” Not a single word managed to leave your lips as he walked away. Anger took over your body and you threw away the first aid kit with a haste. You didn’t give a second glance to where he stood in the kitchen, you simply walked into the bedroom and slammed the door behind you. Were you being childish? Maybe so, but you really couldn’t control your emotions. You fell asleep then and there, you didn’t even wait for Eijiro to come back into the room.

When you woke up the next morning he was already gone. The anger you felt the night before was gone, and you were left as an empty shell. After noticing his absense you didn’t feel like getting out of bed, and so you fell back asleep.

Eijiro couldn’t focus on the words in front of him. He was never much of an office worker at all, he’d rather be out doing the hero work, but today was especially hard. Not only had he hurt your feelings last night, buthe didn’t even have time to apologies this morning. He had thought about waking you up but decided against it as he knew you needed your rest. Luckily, today he got to go home at five pm instead of having to work late. Eijiro already had a plan on what to do; he’d bring home your favorite food for dinner, apologies right at the doorstep, and cuddle you for the rest of the night. He knew you were just worried about him and that you weren’t actually mad - even though your words hurt he shouldn’t have reacted that way and he needed to apologies.

The hours went by slowly, but eventually it was time for him to get out to the streets for his last shift before he could go home.

After a while of waking up and drifitng back to sleep again you decided to sit up in your bed. It was around four, you had slept all day instead of looking for jobs like you should have. Eijiro would be home in an hour and you dreaded every minute that passed.

You knew you had done a bad thing last night. Shouting at him for doing his job? You sighed and rubbed your temples lightly to try to get the thoughts of it out of your head. To be fair, this week had been horrible. Five job interviews and none of them had led to anything. You barely got to spend time with Eijiro either, since he worked late, and the one day when he’d come home early you had fought with him. Another sigh escaped your lips, this time shaky and a quiet whimper followed it as you were trying to stop the tears from spilling onto your cheeks. Without as second thought you went back to bed and hid the sobs in your pillow. How had you gotten out of bed before when it was this easy to just stay? Here nothing could happen to you. For a moment you were safe there in your cocoon of blankets.

When he opened the door he wasn’t met by your figure sitting on a chair by the kitchen table, scrolling on your laptop and looking for jobs. You weren’t by the window, having a phone call with a potential employer. You weren’t drinking tea in the kitchen, or doing a face mask in the bathroom, and you hadn’t left a note saying that you were at the gym. He walked around the entire house, which he knew you wouldn’t like since he still had his hero costume on - that didn’t matter, he just had to find you.

Eijiro walked past the bedroom door and heard quiet whimpers coming from there.

The door to the bedroom opened suddenly and you let out a squeak in surprise. However, you didn’t turn around to look at the person barging in. You’d rather keep your puffy eyes and tear-stained face to yourself. “Y/N? Baby?”, Eijiro’s voice was soft, as if it could cause you harm if he raised his voice, “Are you okay, honey?” You felt Eijiro sit down on the bed and put a hand on your shoulder. “I got you some food, okay? It’s from your favorite place, I put it on the kitchen counter.”, he explained softly, “I’ll go take a shower, why don’t you go out and start eating?” “... not hungry...”, your voice was muffled from the pillow and blankets. “... have you already eaten?”, Eijiro asked and you shook your head, “Did you eat earlier today then?” You shook your head no and heard him let out a careful sigh. “Y/N... you know I don’t want to sound rude but... honey, did you get out of bed at all today?”, he asked and you shook your head again, “Y/N...” “It’s fine...”, you croaked out and sat up, still not meeting his eyes, “Go take a shower, Eijiro.” “Baby, I don’t want to leave you like this-” “I’ll go eat, okay? Just... go shower. You know I don’t like it when you walk around with your hero suit on inside...”, you hated how cold you were towards him but for some reason you couldn’t help it. You got out of bed, feeling his eyes on you as you walked toward the kitchen.

When you saw the take away bag on the counter you smiled slightly to yourself. He’d always get you this when he was trying to apologies, usually you didn’t eat junkfood at all. You took out the food and saw the box with your favorite dish written on it. The shower turned on in the bathroom and you assumed he had started showering.

Two strong arms suddenly wrapped around you, making you jump slightly. “The food’s already starting to get cold... we can heat it up later. Come shower with me, okay?”, Eijiro kissed you where your neck met your shoulder. It was hard to not give into this offer... you leaned against his bare chest and waited for him to give ou another kiss. When he did you mumbled out: “Sure.”

Usually when you showered together you’d have a lot more... fun. This time it was very wholesome, if you could call it that. He helped you wash our hair, you helped him wash his hair. No kisses shared, there were barely any glances shared, and there were especially no words said.

Once you were out of the shower you grapped your hair dryer and dried off your hair after wrapping a towel around yourself. You were thankful that Eijiro had made you crawl out of the cave that was your bed, the feeling after a hot shower was one of the best ones out there. Eijiro tapped on your shoulder and then pointed at the hair dryer, begging you with the look in his eyes.

You started drying his hair and he had a satisfied smile on his face as you did so. There was a cut on his arm and you were about to say something until you remembered last night and decided not to mention it. Instead you directed your attention to his hair. “Your roots are starting to show.”, you muttered and looked at the dark hair peaking out from under the red, “Do you need help coloring it again?” “I was thinking of letting it be.”, he admitted, “You said you liked black hair, didn’t you?”, he peered at you with one eye and kept the other closed. “I guess I did...”, you tried to keep yourself from blushing but it was near impossible, “I like your red hair too, though.” “Mhm...”, he hummed, “... we’ll see what I do with it then.”

Once you were done in the bathroom you heated up the food, and while you were waiting he looked at you with a serious face. “Y/N, I’m sorry about yesterday.”, he said and took your hands in his, “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you for worrying.” “I should be saying sorry.”, you gave in and leaned your head against his chest, “I took out my frustration on you... it’s been a bad week.” “... maybe we both did wrong then?”, he suggested and you nodded, “So then let’s just leave it at that and communicate better next time.” “Sounds good to me.” you nodded and gave him a soft smile. “You said you had a bad week, honey?”, he asked as he lifted you up and placed you on the counter. “... it’s just that I haven’t been getting any jobs at all. I went to so many interviews for nothing...”, you sighed and leaned your forehead against his, “... I know I’m not usually like this-” “You don’t have to be happy all the time.”, he interupted, “Nobody is. It’s okay for you to feel shitty sometimes - just talk to me about it, even if it’s hard.” With a small smile you pressed a kiss to his forehead and then jumped off the counter just in time for the food to be ready.

You ate while watching a movie, the two of you cuddled up on the couch. Eijiro stroke your hair back from time to time and sometimes he’d comment something about the movie quietly in your ear - as if someone else was around to hear it.

After eating you tried doing the dishes but he quickly pushed you away and did them for you. “Do you want tea or something before bed?”, Eijiro asked sweetly. “I want you.”, you said and wrapped your arms around him from behind. “I think I can fix that for you.”, he chuckled and turned around in your embrace, “I love you, okay?” His hands went to the sides of your waist, where they slowly rubbed patterns on your skin. Eijiro leaned down and pressed a few pecks on your lips, leading them down to your jaw and then neck. “I love you too.”, you mumbled and brought his lips back up to meet yours again.

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bellamygateoldblog · 4 years

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The 100 7x01: Discussion

My general takeaway from the episode can be summarised like this: Echo is spectacular. (I might’ve said “oh my god look at her!!!!!” and “ugh she is just The Best” too many times to count).

This is long-ish because I really just wanted to consolidate my thoughts in one place. Bitch it’s me i got a lot to say!!!!!

The Good Parts

— The farmhouse setting. While it’s existence is strange and “a sore thumb” and worked to further push Sanctum being the abomination born of clumsily mixing genres and time periods in terms of construction/costuming, making everything appear disconnected and obnoxious, it was still a nice change. It made me feel warmer and more comfortable as a ‘modern’ viewer. It’s a breath of fresh air from the constant dark element: dilapidated post-apoc buildings falling from their foundation, endless woods, and equally cold-feeling labs and skeleton dungeons.

— Echo. This was a damn good episode for Echo and every second reminded me of why she’s my favourite. She’s a badass. I always love to see her falling naturally into leadership of her little ragtag groups who accept it wholeheartedly. From the “testing a theory” moment where she went ‘when Gabriel doesn’t speak >>>’, to right at the end when she killed the solider about to “eliminate” Hope (hesitation is death...oh no he can’t hear us he’s got airpods in oh my god). It was Echo that got them through the whole sequence with the anomaly, Echo who figured shit out, Echo who quickly judged the situations and formed plans to overcome the obstacles. In other words: she did THAT.

Favourite scene: Echo coming face-to-face with the projection of her own insecurities in the form of Roan and Echo 1.0, and physically overcoming them (shooting them down), along with the trauma and pain that they both represent. The perserverence and getting the job done despite the emotional torture felt like a callback to the Psychosis episode of 6x02 when she was clever enough to sedate herself to silence the voices in her head. I also think the dialogue chosen was also foreshadowing that she would become a leader by the finale (commander?) and i love to see it!

— Clarke and Madi’s conversation. Oh Clarke, you just keep reinforcing and validating my perceptions of who you are as a person over and over again lol. In all her self-importance failing to remember that Madi, in fact, had and was raised by her biological parents for half of her life (and the new knowledge that she spent six years telling her little mind tales from the book of her life whilst apparently never taking the time to learn about Madi’s or acknowledge/honour her birth parents in any way) is “yeah that’s about right” to me. Sure you could say she was still reeling from the events of six and her death-almost death-almost death again. But I’ve always had this Thing about the relationship between Clarke and Madi. And i’ve seen some of the lighthearted humourous reception that scene got from fandom, “#where do you think the child CAME from?!” which only served to remind me of my own impression that Clarke views Madi as wholely ‘hers’, as if Madi’s existence was tied to Clarke, but i might elaborate in a seperate post.

This scene was a lovely display of self-awareness I’ve rarely seen on Clarke (never even got it when she electrocuted said child two seasons ago- however that absense of apology and acknowledgement of the sheer wrongness of that action also fits very nicely with my view of her lmao, still though, a weird choice for your ‘heroine’).

— Clarke’s “feels like a different world.” Felt romantically-coded. I think Gaia/Clarke might be the most convinient relationship to transform into romance at this point. However I’m sincerely hoping this road they could go down won’t reduce Gaia to a crutch/accessory for Clarke, and that she doesn’t become merely a love interest. I’ve seen talk already of Gaia being “Clarke’s happiness” etc.. which is already confirming my worst fears. Sigh.

This moment very much felt like found closure and the turning of a page. But i will say it was a very sharp turn from the three seasons of shoehorned-in mentions of Lexa, and last season’s emphasis on Clarke’s very-much intact emotional response to her memory- “it’s why you cry when you think about Lexa”- to her looking at an image of Lexa’s memory of her, reminicing but having no emotional response to it, and brushing it off while sharing a soft look with Gaia (and this is a few days since s6? I don’t know how this timeline is working but Tbh it’s not like these writers ever concerned themselves with ‘realistic time frames’ anyway lol). Yep, Jason’s seasons are individual “movies,” alright.

Other *nodding approvingly* moments

— Raven’s subtle “elevator eyes” on Clarke when she started giving her orders again. I see you, Miss Reyes, and I appreciate you.

— Raven + the foot in her mouth and the cute way she catches herself both times. I just love watching characters fail at existing LOL. She was feeling more human than stereotype or plot device this episode.

— "Mommy and Auntie O” and the implication that Hope is a child inside an aged-up body.

— This quote: “I know what it’s like to lose your family 100 years ago and yesterday at the same time.” It’s so literal but I like it a lot.

— Clarke being ‘leader’ again is, as usual, solely a matter of convinient (and familial/love) circumstances and it felt very true.

The Rest

— The Eligius Situation. So Clarke and her inner circle conquer and live in a nice home, and we’re specifically told Clarke takes the master suite (and the dog), and I was like ‘fair enough’ but then she orders prison labour. She tells them to build her a compound that they won’t actually get to be apart of, and to live in tents while they do so. They aren’t getting anything out of this (before they resist and set their own terms). This is slavery. Also, those aren’t her people to boss around, look down on, and use accordingly for her own gain (in fact they barely know her or why she’s gone from being that one unloyal woman who executed their men and got herself captured like an idiot, then couldn’t make up her mind about which side she wanted to kill- to one in the uppermost position of authority...like...they woke up yesterday) But, then again, that never stopped her.

— Too much and not enough at the same time. The pacing of the episode in general was awful. Too much happening in quick succession, no breathing room, too many factions (no, actually Raven, where is ALIE when you need her? smh). I blink, I miss an entire scene and a character is now beating someone else up. Amazingly, i was still bored 90% of the time.

— The Children of Gabriel calling themselves “The Children of Gabriel.” It was always goofy, even more so when a grown man is saying it.

— Murphy + his self loathing over Abby’s death. Did I miss the part where she was ever good to him? One of their final moments together was of her telling him he deserved to die over Clarke after she spent the entire series treating him like he was inferior and disposable. uhhhhhhhhhh.

— The picnic scene. Jackson’s sudden violent outburst was unearned (it wasn’t even set up???), and also disrespectful. Wrong place, wrong time, bro. He’s grieving? Okay. But when Abby’s daughter is sitting right in front of you, making this about you, ruining a perfectly good toast in her honour with your uncomfortable accusations loses you points you never even had to begin with. And this is a ‘me’ thing but I can’t be bothered to be sympathetic when this is about Abby Griffin.

Also, I have to say it. Eliza’s acting took me out of the scene every time I looked at Clarke. I couldn’t for the life of me work out what those expressions were supposed to be.

— Russell, his manpain, and a fury over the consiquences of his own actions that could rival the grounders (”my brother died in your ring of fire [while he was trying to murder you all]” hmm sounds like a you problem). But the worst part is, I simply couldn’t tell where he stood or what he was feeling. He’s so one-dimensional. He’s an evil man (so much for ”grey morality”).

— Clarke + Jordan. A small point to make but all Clarke has done since Marper made her ‘Godmother’ of their son has blame him for everything bad happening lol. Marper loses a lot of my respect as time goes on for that choice. As much as I dislike Jordan’s presence in the show, still not a great pattern to have noticed.

— Raven seeking approval from Clarke (specifically) for the Prime idea was...weird and very bad. When has Raven ever cared for Clarke’s validation, especially in the last few seasons?

Was also taken aback by how Indra and Miller are both suddenly so protective of Clarke, like i can make sense of the Indra part even though it relies on me making things up that aren’t supported by what’s on screen, but Miller?

— (Bonus moment that was bad for me, but not for the same reason it was for the rest of you: the scene of Hope finding the message in her arm. When she was removing the blood-soaked bandage I freaked out because I thought she was peeling her skin off. You’re welcome for that visual.)

The Mixed/No Feelings

— Clarke’s full-dark-no-stars. How many times have they told me now she’s “the head”? LMAO.

I have no actual formed opinion on it. Only disjointed thoughts. Like i might’ve just gone “good for her” if Clarke wasn’t the person she is, with the history she has.

I appreciate the idea, to have her spend the whole episode declaring she is, in fact, completely fine, to end it having her explode with the repressed pain.

I mean...i realise the cognition behind it, but it’s eye-roll inducing at this point. This- kicking Russell to death (giving him exactly what he wanted and set out to provoke), and burning down a palace she promised to keep intact, once again going against the group to do her own Thing that they all ultimately have the suffer the consiquences of and help clean up- is just a repeat of past patterns, and Monty’s “do better” mantra that she desperately clung to like she owned it last season is nowhere in sight.

(Also, I can’t be the only one who spotted her physically smacking that Sanctum girl as she walked onto the balcony? Not cool. Wasn’t cool when Murphy acted like a dick to one of them either this episode.)

The rushed switch did a number on me, too, like Jackson’s did. Literally five minutes before she was preaching about a peaceful life for Madi that doesn’t take revenge (I think I know what they were going for with that but it just left me feeling confused and frustrated).

Furthermore, I’ve seen talk that this was her “burning down of a symbol of oppression”, something she experienced first hand (not so unlike Blodreina and the bunker she desperately wanted to escape and deliver her people from), but there was no noble, calculated intention there. She burned the palace accidentally in her rage because she was in pain and disorientated. The moral stuff was just an after effect.

The speech was also very ‘Clarke’. Feeling entitled to and making decisions on who lives and dies right after declaring this wasn’t their kill to make. She wasn’t the only person hurt by the Primes (but we’ve also been given no reason to care about any of the other victims- the manipulated, enslaved population have been turned into a joke and a punching bag for the main characters which...isn’t great either). And the castle could’ve been used to shelter some of the “too many people” we had problems with through the episode (or used to harvest resources from). It really comes down to if i think the situation justifies the reaction and if i hold her wholely responsible...and this is the part where i reiterate that i have no intact opinion and don’t actually care to have one either ha.

#the 100 s7 #7x01 discussion #the 100 7x01

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wcrthmeltingfor · 4 years

Text

╰ ✧ ˔ ⭒ magic is in the air ! oh wait - that’s just my old friend, ANNA ARENDELLE, the TWENTY year old FLORIST. they’ve lived in rome pines for ages, so everyone knows that they’re LOYAL and NAIVE, just like ANNA from FROZEN. they may not have any magic in them, but the neighborhood sure knows them from their SUNFLOWERS AND SWEET TOOTH . apparently, they are EXCITED about meeting these magical citizens from pastoral city, so let’s just hope they will get along with their new neighbors…⭒˔ ╮

S T O R Y

(tw: parental death)

Born on the 21st day of February, Anna Sophia Arendelle is the second and youngest child of Agnaar and Iduna, a prominent couple. From the moment Anna was born, it became clear she was born to bring joy to the world, but mostly to her own household. In her first days, her lips already curled upwards in small grins, which only grew as the weeks went by. Even as a baby, Anna showed to be trusting, never complaining as she was held by different people.

Once you met Anna, you could easily draw two conclusions: 1. She was way too trusting for her own good - the girl would believe anything anyone would tell her, which would often get her in trouble; and 2. Above everyone, she would trust her sister. The young girl had a deep love for her whole family, but Elsa, in Anna’s eyes, was the perfect role model. From a very young age Anna learned that, unlike her sister, she didn’t have any sort of magic. This, however, never affected her - Anna always felt protected near her big sister and that was all that really mattered for the red-haired girl.

The girls lived a normal and healthy childhood. They had all the love and support from their parents and each other. In their home, doors were always open. Her mother loved flowers, so she’d cultivate them in every window, turning their house into a colorful and warm place. Anna would spend countless hours learning from her mom their names and how to watch over them.

Everything changed after the accident. It was late at night, way past their bedtime, and the girls snuck out of bed to play in one of the many rooms. To this day, she doesn’t have no memories of that night past the moment they left their beds - for what she could gather, she tripped and, in an attempt to protect her sister, Elsa’s magic hit the younger girl right in the head. Anna, five years old at the time, nearly lost her life. Even though she made a quick and full recovery, the dynamics of the house were not the same anymore. Windows were closed - her mother didn’t care for the flowers anymore. Elsa, consumed by her guilt, and supported by her parents concern, decided to isolate from Anna, rather abruptly.

Anna was too young to understand what was going on and felt deeply her sister’s abandonment. They’d see each other in rare occasions and when Anna would try to get closer, she’d be pushed away. She’d insist on knocking on the older girl’s door, asking her to come out and play with her, being rejected time after time.

Years went by. Anna grew up. The little girl became a teenager and, even though her sunshiny and gentle personality remained, she felt the mark Elsa’s absense left on her. Even as a social butterfly, she felt very lonely. Due to her trusting nature, she ended up envolved with boys who would treat her less than kindly.

Two months before she turned eighteen, the sisters had to face tragedy: their parents, who had planned a business trip right before Christmas, had passed away. Anna felt like she was truthfully alone. After the funeral, Anna tried once more knocking on Elsa’s door, feeling her heart filled with grief. This time, the usual lack of response , she decided not to knock anymore.

It took her almost a year but living on her parents house took its toll. The girl felt sufocated. As worried as she was about Elsa, she just couldn’t stay there anymore. She decided it was time to move out, on her own. She packed only her necessary belongings and wrote a long letter to her sister - that she quietly slipped late at night under the door she knocked on for so long. And then, she left.

N O W A D A Y S. . .

Anna struggled for a while. She left home very impulsevely, without really knowing where to go. She walked for hours, late at night, trying to find a place where she could stay with the little money she had. She ended up checking in on a dirty little motel. She promised herself she’d only stay there for a couple of days. She ended up living there for almost two months.

A while latter, she found a room to rent on a little house, on a not-so-bad part of the town. The place was relatively small, but it was comfy enough, and the price was right.

At first, Anna got a job as a waitress. The payment was less than she deserved for the long hours she actually worked, but it kept her from having to live on the streets, so she did her best to keep going. Only problem is: Anna had always been way too clumsy, so after a dozen of broken plates and cups, she was fired. The girl tried everything, but she kept jumping from job to job, struggling to make enough money month after month.

Her luck started to turn when, in one of her rare free days, she decided to take a walk to a nearby park. Sitting in a bench, Anna considered how exhausted she felt, when a familiar odor hit her nostrils and a small smile formed in her lips. The red-haired woman followed the smell to a little flower shop, owned by a old lady. They talked for hours, about their lives, the plants and everything. Anna left with one sunflower to place on her window and the promise she’d return very soon.

After three weekends, the owner offered Anna a job. It was like a dream come true. It wasn’t much money but it was enough to allow her to rent her own place, a little house near that same park, and the job was pleasant. Anna can be seen working there, with a huge grin in her lips, as she waters and cares for the flowers.

P E R S O N A L I T Y:

Anna is still one of the warmest people you’ll ever meet. She’s gentle, kind, and very clumsy. She gets distracted easily, but is fiercily loyal to the ones she considers her friends - but also very easily manipulated, due to the fact of being naive. As she feels alone in the world, she has a deep desire to please everyone she meets.

W A N T E D C O N N E C 1T I O N S:

FRIENDS - AS MANY AS POSSIBLE! Anna loves people and she’d do anything for her friends.

LOVE CONNECTIONS - Good and bad. Anna had always been a romantic girl, dreaming of love. She believes in finding “the one” for her, but for being too trusting, she would believe anyone could be the one - as long as they convinced her of it.

SIBLINGS FIGURES - “Losing” Elsa hurt Anna more than she could admit. She misses having someone to trust more than anything, someone she could feel safe with.

#/ in this river all is found / intro

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fisherfurbearer · 5 years

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I would absolutely live to hear about Future Plans and heritage fruits! My partners and I are looking at buying a house by the end of the year and I'm so excited at the prospect of a back yard to fill with food plants and gardening and everything! So I'd love to know more about someone else's plans!!

mmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM YOU OPENED THE CAN OF WORMS THE WORMS ARE OPEN THEY ARE EVERYWHERE NOW!!!! OHHHHHHH JEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING CAN STOP THIS!!!!

MMMMMM. I LOVE. DOMESTIC CROPS AND ANIMALS. SO MUCH.

SPECIFICALLY “heritage” varieties. The pre-industrial/commercial varieties that people lived on for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years, or even the stuff younger than that, it’s just...so!! Good!!!

You didn’t QUITE ask for this but this is where I’m going with it. I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. The HISTORY of our domesticated crops (specifically fruits and vegetables, but mostly Tree Fruits!!!! But I’m also suuuuper partial to heirloom sweet potatoes/normal potatoes even though I don’t like the taste of sweet potatoes, they’re just SO FRICKING COOL and I want to learn more about other vegetables too) and animals is just....HOOOOO!!!!

Locally adapted,, perfect little....NUGGETS that just...perfectly fit their own SPECIFIC LITTLE NICHES...no matter WHERE you live, no matter HOW much space you have, no matter HOW good or bad your soil, NO MATTER WHAT, there is ALWAYS something to grow or raise, and we can thank so, so much of that to the incredible variety of heritage crops/animals (and methods of agriculture) out there. Mild, cold, hot! Lots of space, little space, no space!! Fertile, barren!! Every condition in every color and shape and flavor and size and ahhhhhhh!!!!! AHHHH!!!!

Hold onto your butts because this is one Hell of a Mega Ramble okay, there is so much to talk about here, oh man.

Some background, which you can skip if you want...!!! It’s a LOT and it get’s VERY NEGATIVE but also VERY GOOD AND HOPEFUL, it’s a real big story and it’s My Story and gives a lot of insight into Why I’m Like This but it’s okay to skip for sure!! Anyway:

I’ve been researching (i.e. writing literally 1.5-2k+ words nearly every single day) for literally 7 years now about all of my various Passions and Plans in life. Obviously breaks were taken due to Sad Times but no matter what I did, no matter what happened, I’d always come back to my dumb awful stupid notes. I have notes on my current laptop, my old harddrive, my SO’s laptop, my stepdad’s laptop, my SO’s OLD gaming laptop, my old netbook, my OLD OLD netbook, every phone I’ve had in the past 7 years (which has been like uhh...five? I have bad luck with phones..) and COUNTLESS pieces of paper and cheap composition books.

To call it research, it seems to silly. Writing these words here, to you strangers on the internet, I CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU how VITAL these notes are to my VERY EXISTANCE.

I have been researching and writing and talking to folks and asking questions and LIVING AND BREATHING this stuff for LITERALLY, LITERALLY HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS if not ALMOST A THOUSAND OR MORE HOURS at this point!!!! If we were to actually SOMEHOW backtrack all the way to late 8th grade/freshman year when I first started dipping my toes into reptiles and fell in love with my first jumping spider that landed on my arm after I read Darren Shan’s Cirque Du Freak, after being so fascinated by the intelligent giant magic tarantula in the first book, and gathered ALL of my notes from then to NOW (I’m 21 now, if I was in college, I’d be graduating next May) it would EASILY surpass that. For YEARS in high school my family thought I was always playing games on my laptop, but really from the moment I got home to the moment I went to bed, I was watching lets plays with one side of the screen and reading, reading, reading, and writing, writing, writing with the other. For HOURS. Every. Single. Day.

Hell, this has been my most recent “Renaissance” of writing, after The Big Realization of earlier this year (I’ll get to that), and this is AFTER I went on a horrible depressed/manic rampage and deleted like 80% of my notes (that would have been from...hmm. This is what I didn’t delete, what Jessie recovered, and what I’ve added...so March to Early September, when Jessie switched my notes to a new program (I lost a lot of notes from lack of autosaving so now they’re on our nextcloud so I can’t lose them...but I’m too stubborn to use it still) and this is still like. A lot.

Keep in mind the average 10-11 kb file is 1500-1700 words for me. My biggest files (only of the ones I still have, on this laptop) are 40-60 kb. (Also these are Big Secrets that I don’t ever show anyone but Jessie, who I’ve been with now for almost 7 years, so this is pretty dang important to me and a big thing to be revealing.)

Current folder I’m usually saving to:

Nextcloud I don’t bother to use usually but probably should use:

Again, this is ONLY on my newest laptop, and this DOESN’T include the files I deleted a few months ago, nor the files I lost from February-early April after Jessie updated my computer and wiped my files, and I still have a BUTTLOAD left on my old harddrive from last year, but we never moved it up and I don’t feel a need to. (I’ve learned so much. So. Much. In the past year. I think I’ve matured a lot and really become more...Me. But I’ll get to that.)

Also doesn’t include the SEVERAL notebooks I’ve filled front to back this year (cheap $0.50 ones from work...I’ve blown through a couple biggish ones and I think 2-3 little quarter-size memo books) and all the receipt papers I have crammed into my work uniform...

But anyway why is this important? It really helps iron in just how HUGE this is to me. My future “Plans” aren’t just...it’s really important to me. Okay? I am but a humble stranger on the internet and my life and everyone elses’ respective lives are infinitely more complex than we can ever dare imagine one anothers’ existences to be, but just trust me when I say that I’m not pulling this from nowhere, this shit isn’t some sort of “fad” to me, this has been a long, long series of events and realizations and heartbreaks and so, so much pain that have finally led to everything kinda falling into place sometime this year where it hit me.

You see...all of my research topics followed a pattern. It went, in my rough memory, something like this.

It started with reptiles. Lots of reptiles. So many reptiles. I was so naive and young then and my sources sucked and I was very much a novice who dreamed of owning all sorts of cool reptiles when I got older, and of getting a gecko when I went to college. That was how it started and it went downhill from there. I branched off into gardening (I wanted and still want a blue tongue skink and had thoughts about how I’d grow a garden for vegetables and squashes and stuff for the skink and feeder insects) and THAT grew into this whole THING about raised bed gardening, square foot gardening, then into permaculture, which planted the seed for many things to come...and now I’ve ALWAYS LOVED BIRDS,, but when I learned that keeping CHICKENS was a thing (thank you Jennifer (Nambroth)!!!!!!!!!! Our emails back and forth are still saved forever, our talks about chickens changed my life and way of thinking Forever!!!) and I researched that, then I’d jump back to reptiles again, and back to chickens, then more reptiles, then chickens and QUAIL, or OTHER poultry,, and so on and so on. This beautiful fluid branching path that would always rebound on itself and I’d drop some topics, gain new ones, revisit old ones, learn what I liked, what I didn’t like, what were brief interests, and what were there to stay.

Some topics (chickens, new caledonian geckos, antaresia pythons, tarantulas, gardening...) would always come back. No matter what I did...they came back. As I grew as a person, I started to figure out what was important to me (CONSERVATION, animal welfare, reptile/invertebrate enrichment, vivarium design, combining art with animals, and did I mention CONSERVATION? and combating climate change/The World but that came later.) and while some of those points didn’t show up in my research until later...like my obsession with native wildlife/plants and domestic species...it never went away.

And as I grew older, outside of my research life went on, and I really went through A Lot in these seven years. Undiagnosed anxiety/depression all through high school, practically living in the guidance office junior/senior year, dealing with an emotionally abusive and animal abuser teacher for many years, living with my emotionally abusive/narcissistic mother, and eventually going to an amazing art college and having both the best and worst time of my life (Hahah!! Almost straight As and skipped a writing class with my amazing scores and was top of my class, Dean’s list first semester, in the Visionary Women’s Honors society, worked in the admissions office and did lots of cool things, but hahaha also really wanted to die and was Destroying Myself) and trying to get help while keeping it a secret from my mom...lo and behold of course she eventually found out about the Depression when I had to go inpatient near the end of my second semester, and she. HA, I can’t even cry about this anymore. She literally disowned me (took all my money, sold my car, cut me off of health insurance, made me pay my own hospital bills, refused to do my FAFSA for college anymore, dropped all support, and later when I had to come home because I relapsed again and the college made me go on a medical leave of absense, she threatened to kick me out and call the police [hilariously enough though the house was owned by my stepdad, not her, so she couldn’t do anything. Also I never did anything to her and she was just crazy and made up excuses. But yeah not fun trying to walk to work and being threatened over the phone that she was going to have me dragged out of work by the cops and not to come home, hahaha!!!!!! But then also when I did live with my neighbor for a few days she was apparently so distraught?? Haha what a weird person!!!! I haven’t seen her for three years now and it’s been the best thing that ever happened to me. Don’t mourn for me, it’s SO Much better now. Speaking of, she was a PETA-hugging ARA nutjob and if she knew what I was planning on doing she would’ve disowned me either way!!!!!!), and of course fighting to be able to move out and rent an apartment with my SO (I hate the word boyfriend. It’s been 7 years come January 11th, and we’ve been through so fucking much. And she [my mom...] and other people always made fun of him being my BOYFRIEND that that word is tainted for me...so Significant Other it is) and then being forced to live alone there for a couple months,, and then even after that, the fights with his family, the car accident in November, my mom ruining all chances of me going to college (keep in mind I had after leaving college, spent the next TWO AND A HALF FUCKING YEARS OF MY LIFE trying to make it so I COULD go back, spent all of my time, energy, hope, eVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING trying to do so,,, and she manipulated me and then lied to me and made it so I couldn’t), my rebounding depression, my Intensifying Aggression (terrifying. Developed when I was in college...I guess it’s some kind of rapid bipolar disorder, maybe triggered by me going on antidepressants in college, they said. But it was so long ago and they never knew the full story for a proper diagnosis anyway. But it’s gotten manageable and We’re Coping), the housefire on Christmas, moving Once Again to the new place and being told I can’t bring my 15 year old cat (he’s with my stepdad still now but it’s not okay.), the rats have to be in the basement, and oh yeah if you want to attend college again loans will be nearly 13% interest hahaha!!! and then finally just straight up breaking down in February and not leaving bed for DAYS and nearly committing suicide, just the real worst time ever, and my former therapist/psychiatrist place weren’t responding (turns out they discharged me!! haha kinda hard to make appointments WHEN YOU DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE and we DIDN’T GET THE NOTICE IN THE MAIL because our HOUSE WAS CONDEMNED and my mail was being sent to my STEPDADS an hour away!!!!!!!! Also really hard to talk to you when you BLOCK OUR FUCKING NUMBER and HANG UP ever time we fucking call haha!!!!!! Literally on the verge of suicide and not on my anxiety meds for MONTHS but hey sure that works too guys!!!!) which really didn’t help, and yeah it was really just the pits! Just the absolute pits, the Very Worst.

Now at this point I don’t remember exactly when/what changed, but SOMETHING did.

Leading up to February, I wanna say it was about October that I started getting kinda weirdly depressed, and I started REALLY tanking after the fire. After the fire, I had to move back to my stepdads within the night, and had to live without Jessie again and commute really far and keep the tarantulas a secret and in general be very alone and very sad. I started wearing down and it was getting so hard to just...enjoy. Anything. Even just taking care of the pets became difficult, and doing art or researching was impossible. I just...didn’t care anymore. I stopped caring.

On top of that, my climate grief and general feelings of Despair were at an all time high, and I just didn’t. Fucking. CARE. What happened next.

I spent YEARS of my life WEARING MYSELF TO THE BONE trying to get into college, the get back into college, to just try to do this thing that I was supposed to do, my ONE hope of having a career and a future that I probably wouldn’t even be happy with (I was an illustration major. I liked drawing. It’s what I was best at. But looking back, I wouldn’t have been happy doing it for a living. And Moore [no that’s not what my blog is named for, it just also happens to be my last name] was a great college but it just...wasn’t worth $30k a year with no cosigner for loans, even AFTER my scholarships) and my body and mind were wearing down and no matter what I did I didn’t care about myself, my animals, my partner, my life, nothing. I can’t explain how terrifying that is. Of all the time in my life, I think this was the worst. On top of my life problems, it must be said again that my climate grief and Misery regarding the state of our country and the world was also at an all-time-high, and I just felt...POWERLESS. Powerless and empty and uncaring and dead inside. I really wanted to just...drive off a bridge or eat a ton of pills (which I did do a couple times, don’t do that. Please. It’s NOT worth it.) and just stop Existing.

But then something just...changed.

I don’t know what it was, exactly. But I got SOMETHING back. SOMETHING “clicked”.

I’m crying a bit now. It’s so stupid to say, but I truly believe this is what saved my life. Realizing my purpose in life. That everything fell into place and finally made sense.

I’m going to be a bit more concise here but...basically...many of my passions and smaller aspects of myself all fell into place, so PERFECTLY.

It hit me that...ah jeez.

I will digress one more second. For those of you who don’t know, I have two Eurydactylodes geckos, named Vladimir (E. vieiliardi) and Estragon (E. agricolae). They are named for my favorite drama that we read in AP English, Waiting for Godot. It’s an aburdist theater play about two men who wait under a tree for someone (we don’t know who, just that his name is Godot) and that’s about it. Everyone had a lot of different things to say about that weird little book, but my take on it was that it’s supposed to be what happens to two men when they lack a “purpose” in life. Existentialism, and all that. They sit there and sit there and completely lose themselves just WAITING for this guy that they don’t even remember, they don’t even know why they’re there, and they do nothing to try and change that. The difference between existentialism and absurdism, however, is that absurdism specifically discusses this idea of a Chaotic Universe, this Lack of Meaning, this pointless quest of humanity to seek value and meaning in a universe without reason. It’s a fruitless effort, it’s Absurd! But the beauty of absurdism, this tiny idea that stayed with me in the goofy names of my geckos (I chose the names because I thought the play was amusing and I loved the characters’ relationship, which is Quite Gay and so Loving and Charming it warms my heart, and I loved that they called each other “Didi” and “Gogo”) and really held true to my own life. I DO NOT believe that THIS is why this change happened for me, but it’s ironic, no?

Back to Absurdism, Absurdism says... “here is this meaningless, Chaotic, RIDICULOUS universe. There is NO reason for ANYTHING, there NEVER will be, you DO NOT MATTER, you DO NOT HAVE A PLACE HERE. There is NO POINT to anything. So fuck it, and try to find one anyway.”

My original therapist did not understand why I found this so wonderful and inspiring. It’s so rebellious and selfish, I LOVE IT. To embrace the Absurd is to take the bull by the horns and flip it upside down! It’s to stare all of this dreadful pointlessness in the Void, and when it says “Why bother? Why care about these insignificant invertebrates? These ridiculous reptiles? These ABSURD apples???” and flip the bird both hands and say “BECAUSE I WANT TO, BECAUSE I SAID SO, BECAUSE I AM HUMAN, AND I CAN!!!” It’s...also more than that, it’s this long, defiant lifelong journey, this stupid, ridiculous journey of fumbling about trying to find one’s place in a cruel, vast world, and finding oneself in that journey.

I love people. I love the ABSURDITY of humanity, of people, of myself, of others. A Huge part of my Future Plans has to do with People, and Community, and Changing my little patch of the world. It’s not much in the grand scheme of things, but I know it can make a difference to someone and myself and that’s what matters.

Anyway back to the Clickening.

Around that time I had a moment like that. It was as if something in my mind was screaming at me, listen. You are here, and you have always been here to love animals, to love life, to make art, to tell stories with your art, to raise little sheeps.

And like that, it started Something.

I agreed to go to a local doctor, and was put on antidepressants. I’ve been on them since late February. I also got accommodations for work, so I have two excused absenses due to mental illness each month, which was good, because they tried to fire me 4 times now and they haven’t succeeded yet. (I’m DAMN GOOD at what I do, I’m just Sad and Unlucky and Dumb, but I’m doing a lot better now!!) I started taking all of the things I learned in the past many years and what I’ve learned about myself as a person (I won’t talk about it here but I’ve always struggled with my Identity [not gender wise, just...with my mental health and my mood disorder, it’s really hard to know What is ME and What’s The Illness) and it all started falling into place. My needle felting, my love for animals, conserving native wildlife AND heritage breeds with restoration grazing and positive impact forestry, utilizing my Overwhelming Charisma (in person I swear I’m quite a good talker! Way better than my typing here!) for education, outreach, and farmers market sales, my love for life and my fellow human beings and my plans to work hard to help feed my local communities and encourage sustainable agriculture and the dismantlemant of capitalism Love of our native wilds and backyards alike (I also have Big Thoughts about getting native peoples input as well, but I need to research that more and actually talk to people, but that would be in future years!!), and so, so many things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That started in late February/early March now, and since then I’ve still had Really bad times, but I’d say in the past mmmmm...probably since late July? I think yeah since about then things have really taken great turns. I’ve Matured a lot, really embraced who I am and what I want to do, and while I KNOW my plans are going to keep changing over time (tentative goal is to look for/buy our property in 2025!! That gives us 5 years post-graduation to settle down and see how things go, where Jessie will be working, where we’ll be living, how my mind changes, all of that!!) but I KNOW in my BONES in my SOUL that this is what I have always been meant to do. To raise things, grow things, and to Care.

ANYWAY WOW HAHAHA YOU SURE DIDN’T ASK FOR ALL THAT BUT THERE YA GO THERE’S THE BACKSTORY, THE FIRST HALF OF THE WORMS!!!!!!

TL;DR: I’m a sad sap who is now slightly less sad and has Big Plans that were 7 years+ in the making and I want to take all my Big Thoughts about exotic welfare (well, reptiles and spiders mostly, but sure) and also apply it to DOMESTIC welfare and Make a Dang Difference!!!!

Okay now I’ve become very burnt out, I’ve been writing for like two hours now? So this part will sadly be shorter, but I will definitely write more about it again if you or anyone else has questions or actually wants to hear about it.

Basically...the amount of These Plans that I am willing to let you folks know, is uhh...oh jeez where do I even begin, haha...

Well it started small plans (early years of research, when I used to think a small greenhouse was Super Wild and Crazy) but nah bruh we goin’ full hog, literally. My plans are to get a decent sized property, still in my state, and have a HUGE focus on Sustainability and Positive Grazing/Management! That means rotational grazing to IMPROVE soils!!! Thinning the woodlot and clearing brush for the HEALTH of the forest!!! Reintroducing blight-resistant american chestnuts to restore our forests and support a healthy wildlife population!!!! Using both honeybees AND cultivated native bees [did you know that’s a thing???? You can buy native bee cocoons, like raised humanely, and raise them for pollinating plants!! Like Orchards!!] and grazing pastured pigs and chickens under orchard trees, while also providing BUTTLOADS of native flowers and domestic tree blossoms for native pollinators!! All that great stuff.

My biggest focuses would be raising practical heritage livestock for sustainable agriculture and conserving heritage fruit trees, with a focus on apples and pears. I also want to grow a lot of mutually beneficial/low-impact perennial resources...think honey, maple syrup, nut trees, stuff like that! And I want to graze on pastures with native grasses and locality-specific wildflowers (check out Ernst Seeds, especially if you live in/near PA like I do!! Wow it’s so frickin’ cool) and focus on northern european short-tailed sheep (finnsheep, gotland, icelandic, leader, shetland, and soay) and small landrace American hogs (american guinea hog, ossabaw island hog) and the more recent but so full of potential idaho pasture pig. I also want to raise icelandic landrace chickens for utility (parasite/pest management, composting), conservation, and eggs. I also want to raise rabbits (silver fox crosses for meat, and french angora crosses for fiber! I have a dream of producing high quality tri color angora for spinners...three colors on one animal, and I want them to be especially great for fiber artists who want to raise their own fiber animals but don’t have a ton of space) and I have BIG orchard plans...SO MANY ORCHARD PLANS, HHHHHOOO YES....SO GOOD...also COPPICE WITH STANDARDS and FORESTRY and HOO YES!!!!! I LOVE SOME GOOD OL FORESTRY!!!

I think the best way to describe my current plans standings is that it seperates into a couple different “zones”, for my Current Ideas. This has taken months and so many countless hours of thinking, researching, and ironing out, and I’ve made so much headway in just this past week, but basically imagine this...

It’s mostly split into two pastures, the orchard, and the woodlot.

PASTURE 1

Pasture 1 would be the largest, where we would rotationally graze two primary groups of ruminants. Polled NES-T sheep (finnsheep/gotland) and horned sheep (icelandic/leader) with dairy cows (dutch belted) as well. Dutch belted for milk and specifically cheese production, and they would be grazed in front with the icelandics to help take care of the taller grasses that the sheep would avoid, and help keep the sheep a bit safer. All would be guarded by livestock guardian dogs. Group #1 of the icelandic chickens would be grazed behind them, to help break up manure and disrupt parasite cycles.

Pasture itself would be mostly a big bluestem/little bluestem/indian grass/switchgrass mix, with a good variety of livestock-safe wildflowers (small portion being nitrogen-fixers like tick trefoils and pasture pea) and seed-producing flowers for birds (wild birds and our birds!). Would be rotationally grazed 1-2 days at a time (avg. 3-4 days total) with a 21-35+ day rest period. Polled NES-T sheep would be moved to “silvopasture” (copse with standards, a portion of the woodlot, with coppiced trees for fuelwood/timber interspersed with standard-sized mast producting trees [would double as nut and persimmon orchard, and hog foraging in fall/winter!!!]) in the summer to help them deal with the heat. Summer would be the best time, as it’s after the spring predator pressure and before the acorns fall, which could be bad for them if they ingest too many. Rams and hogs would otherwise graze this land with much longer rest periods otherwise (more like 30-45 days or so).

PASTURE 2

Smaller pasture with similar planting, arranged ‘paddock paradise’ style for a small group of icelandic horses (SO GOOD, and useful!! Little horse hooves are much kinder to the forest than a UTV, and herding on horseback is less stressful for the livestock) and rotationally grazed shetland and soay sheep. Pretty simple, but important. Would also contain Icelandic chicken group #2.

ORCHARD

Worthy of a novel all on it’s own. I want to grow semi-dwarf heritage fruit trees with the fruit drop type synced to the rotation of pastured hogs (idaho pasture pig, american guinea hog, ossabaw island hog) and group #3 of icelandic chickens. Hogs would be in orchard spring-fall, and in the copse with standards fall-early winter. Hogs and chickens would be moved to a holding area during rainy times to help preserve the orchard floor and during winter, where we would also have a large waste management/composting set up for them to root and turn to their hearts content. Should be a lot warmer than the outside in the winter too, and I plan on it being in a high tunnel/hoop house so its covered.

I am ALL ABOUT pairing livestock with crops and encouraging multi-purpose acreage in general, so this is definitely one of my FAVORITE plans so far, and every time I revisit it, it gets better. I also want to raise BEES (honeybees, mason bees, leafcutter bees!!!) for honey and pollination. I also want to plant BUTT-TONS of native flowers and goodies for pollinators, as well as lots of seed producing plants and sunflowers for the chickens to forage for by themselves. These would be some happy livestock, for sure.

WOODLOT

Another huge part of the plan is that I want at LEAST 1/3-1/2 of the property to be Woods. Only a small fraction of the Woods would be managed for livestock foraging and more frequent harvesting (still looking at a good 7-10 year coppice cycle though for trees) and the rest would still be tended to, with the help of the local forestry folks, but it would be preserved for wildlife and low-impact timber and nut/fruit/sap collection.

The VAST MAJORITY of the farm would be multi-purpose acreage for both livestock AND wildlife benefit (and people too of course) and I truly, truly believe and KNOW it can be done. In fact it HAS been done, IS being done, in so many different ways by so many different people in different times, and I know that I want to be a part of it and I can make a difference and use my weird passions for Good and make a dang difference.

Ohhh jeez I’m real sorry I didn’t quite answer your question though but I hope this gives a little insight into what I mean?? And if anyone has Specific questions after reading this (if you make it to the bottom, bless your cotton socks, I’m so proud and also distressed) I can definitely answer them a bit better than this. And hopefully much less...whatever this is, haha!!

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emma-nation · 5 years

Text

Without You - Bloodbound AU (Chapter 7) *For You Sequel*

Summary: Gaius is back. While coming up with a plan to take him down, the gang must deal with some new life-changing events.

Genre: Angst/Adventure/Romance

Rating: T - Warning for violence and language

Tag List: @begging-for-kamilah, @lulu-the-cat, @ilovekamilahsayeed, @zoe6111, @kennaxval

Notes:

- English is my second language, please forgive me for any mistakes.

- Hope you enjoy it, your reviews and likes are always appreciated.

- My apologies again for the late update. My life is chaotic right now but I don't intend to give up on this fic. Please be patient, as soon as I can it'll be updated weekly again. I hope a longer chapter can compensate my absense ;)

- Trigger warning for Priya’s past. It may contain some sensitive content. Part of it was inspired by this headcanon.

- Smut Alert!

Amy

“I’m going to kill him.”

If there was one thing Amy wasn’t good at, it was acting. She still tried to act surprised when Kamilah drove them to the Hamptons’ house and started to ask if she’d like to have it for their wedding party, or even permanently, but her ‘whoa’ wasn’t convincing enough.

“You didn’t like it,” Kamilah sighed in disappointment.

“No,” she fixed. “It’s just… I’ve been here before. With Lysimachus.”

After telling her fiancée about how she found out about the house and how her twin brother invaded it, Kamilah was extremely angry.

“Hey,” Amy went behind her, massaging her tense shoulders, “I loved it and this is what matters. Really, Kamilah. I could spend the rest of my life here with you.”

The female vampire’s expression finally softened. She was still disturbed, Amy knew. The whole drive was silent and while she was focused on the road, her eyes seemed distant. It shouldn’t be easy to face Gaius again after almost a century. After betraying him. Kamilah hadn’t told her details of the encounter, but she had a feeling, a intuition, that he had tortured her badly.

“So…” she tried to lighten her mood, “now we have this house all for us, which part should we try first? We have a nice bar, a giant swimming pool, four bedrooms…”

“A walk on the beach is fine for me,” Kamilah replied.

Amy agreed.

After minutes walking together on the shoreline, holding hands and feeling the waves crashing against their bare feet, they picked somewhere to sit. They contemplated the ocean in silence for a moment, before Amy pulled Kamilah for a kiss. A soft and gentle kiss. She still hadn’t felt her fiancée’s lips after coming home. After thinking she would never be able to cherish them again, because she almost died in Wright’s crazy ritual.

“I have something to tell you,” she spoke. “It’s about the historical fair.”

Kamilah stared at her for a second before rolling her eyes.

“If you say you’re going back to London, I…”

Amy couldn’t help laughing.

“I mean it, that teacher has a master’s degree in manipulation.”

“She had, indeed. She’s dead, Kamilah.”

“Oh.”

“She was lying the entire time about the fair. It was a trap to force me to join her cult.”

“I knew there was something wrong about her! She didn’t force you to do anything, did she? Because some of these cults can evoke some real dark forces.”

“Actually, I was the sacrifice to her goddess.”

“God, Amy… H-How did you…”

“I believe destiny really want us to get married. Lysimachus happened to be at the right place, in the right time. He saved my life.”

“I…” Kamilah didn’t know what to say. It shocked more than she already was. While she processed the information, Amy hugged her tightly, resting her head on her shoulder.

“I’m just so thankful I have another chance of being here with you.”

She didn’t told it yet. She just couldn’t find words to tell Kamilah she was the First Vampire’s descendant. The one that was supposed to bring her back to life. Did her feelings or their connection had anything to do with that? She wasn’t sure. Conflicted, she decided to keep the information for the right moment.

----------

Lysimachus

He was working on a project for Raines Corporation but his eyes wouldn’t leave the page lying on the table. That mysterious symbol, he could almost remember seeing it before, engraved somewhere. But he had been alive for 2064 years, it wouldn’t be an easy task to remember. He rested his back on the chair and let out a weary sigh.

Priya passed through his office door, grunting with her cell phone in hands.

“Bastards!”

“Do you ever do anything else other than complaining?”

“I’ve got trouble, Hunter. Trouble you wouldn’t understand.”

“Is it the gossip website again? I’m not hacking it another time to remove your… compromising pictures.”

“Those were fake! My features are way better than that and you know it. Anyways, that doesn’t come to the case…”

“What’s the matter?” He sighed and crossed his arms to hear, expecting it to not having any murder situation involved.

“You know, since I’ve been off the media lately, it has been raising a lot of questions. Now, my agent is forcing me to attend this party tonight.”

“Since when this is a problem to you?”

“I need a date and literally no one is available.”

She watched him in silence, expecting an answer. Lysimachus didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like he could recommend her any celebrities or high society personalities to attend the party as her date. Then he realized…

“No. The answer is no.”

“I’ll pay you for it.”

“I don’t need money.”

“Then, what do you want?”

“Hmmm,” he was pensive for a moment, trying to figure out something Priya would never accept. “I accept under one condition.”

“Tell me your price.”

“You’ll be doing something nice for once.”

“Like…” she seemed puzzled, “donating money for charity? Adopting a stray puppy? That’s easy.”

“No,” Lysimachus protested. “I want you to do something spontaneous. You know, not because you’re being forced, but because you want to. Something that shows you actually have a heart.”

“Go to hell,” she whined, walking back to the living room. “I’ll find some random mortal on Bleeder.”

He followed. She was deeply focused between finishing the last adjustments for wedding dresses and the release her Spring collection. Priya was passionate about her career, that he couldn’t deny. It was possibly the only thing she truly loved.

“You’ve outdone yourself with these dresses, congratulations.”

“I know,” she grinned, proud of her creations. “Also, Kamilah is paying me handsomely for them.”

That was a good opportunity to try to explore her mind. Speaking of her work, she could reveal a little of who she truly was.

“You’re talented,” Lysimachus complimented. “It’s uhhh… been only fifteen years since you officially started your label?”

“That’s correct, but you know… being vampires, we always need to confuse the media, so I answer ten in most of my interviews.”

“And for how long have you been a fashion designer?”

She was silent for a brief moment, as she was reliving a memory. A small smile appeared in the corners of her mouth.

“Since I was born, I think.”

That was the answer Lysimachus wanted. Finally something honest, with feelings.

“Oh, how was it like back in India? Did women wear some sophisticated sari with your name written all over it?”

The smile faded away from her face.

“It’s none of your business, Hunter. Now listen, will you help me or not?”

As he advised her himself, “always find out your target’s weaknesses”. He had just found the right spot. He only needed to know how to access it.

“Okay, you win. I’m going with you to the party.”

----------

Kamilah

It had been almost ten minutes Kamilah had locked herself inside the restaurant’s toilet. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, her fangs were still exposed, as well as her red eyes.

To feed from that group of mortals, she had to let her instincts take control. She wouldn’t be able to do that consciously. Now, after ingesting such a large amount of blood, her thirst was out of control. While they were eating, she couldn’t focus on anything else but the beating hearts around her, their jugulars, the sound of the blood running inside their veins… including Amy’s. She looked at her fiancée and she desired her in a different mode. She wanted to please her, to make her scream her name and beg, beg for more… beg for her life, as her fangs sank into her neck and sucked until the last drop of blood.

Gaius was turning her into a monster again and she didn’t even notice. The hypnosis wasn’t needed, he was already inside her head.

“Kamilah?” She heard Amy’s voice coming from outside. “Is everything alright?”

Amy. Her Amy. Was she still capable of loving her the same way? What if she lost control? She could seriously injury her or worse.

“Open the door, please.”

She inhaled deeply, focusing her thoughts on something else. Ahmanet Financial. Nothing could make her forget about the world as her company. If she managed to control her hunger through the centuries, she could do it again.

When she opened the door, she was her recomposed self again.

“Sorry, I was fixing my make up,” she walked away before Amy could question.

Back to their house, she grabbed her laptop and pretended to be focused. She needed to avoid Amy as much as possible. At some point the girl would want to get intimate and it’d lead to a tragic outcome.

“What are you doing?” Amy placed herself next to her on the couch, with a bucket of popcorn. “You’ve been acting weird since lunch.”

“My apologies, Amy. I… I forgot these information I was supposed to have sent to my lawyers and I was afraid it was too late, but I’m working on it right now.”

“Anything I can help? I’m still your assistant.”

“Not really, it’s just very complicated.”

“Okay.”

The girl started to text Lily and as she was distracted, Kamilah could examine the pictures she took of Lysimachus’ book. She had absolutely no idea how to translate that.

“Lawyers, huh?” Unnoticed, Amy came back from the kitchen and stopped behind her. “This is the ritual Lysimachus and Lily have been studying. The one to kill Gaius.”

“Amy,” it was becoming harder to keep things from her fiancée. She always managed to find a way to figure out when she wasn’t well.

“Kamilah, it’s okay to share your concerns and feelings with me. I mean, we’re getting married. It shouldn’t be a problem anymore. Unless…”

The girl studied her face for a few seconds before raising her eyebrow.

“Unless you’re planning something stupid. You’re not planning to do this on your own, are you?”

She rolled her eyes, wondering if Amy was having those visions about her life again.

“Amy, speaking of a fight against Gaius, it’s clear not all of us are going to survive. People will die and I don’t want it to be Lysimachus… or you.”

“How many of you did he kill, back in the twenties, when you put him in the sarcophagus?” Amy sighed.

“None, but only because I intervened.”

“But you couldn’t have done it yourself! You only stabbed him because he was distracted fighting the others.”

Kamilah rolled her eyes again. It was hard to admit Amy was right.

“Why don’t we join them and help with their plan? Trust me, it’s the best we can do.”

Amy placed her hand on hers and she admitted defeat. Even though Priya was part of the plan, it was more reasonable and safe than fighting Gaius alone.

----------

Amy

Despite Amy’s best attempts, Kamilah was avoiding physical contact or any interaction that could lead to intimacy.

“Is there something wrong with me or…” she showed Lily her body and face through a video call.

Maybe Kamilah was too stressed to think about it, but then, for what purpose she brought her to stay in that house for a couple of days, if they weren’t supposed to spend time together?

“Uhh... maybe she’s attached to old traditions? I mean, save it for after the wedding?” Lily suggested.

Amy muffled a laugh.

“I don’t think that’s the case. Anyways I should go, I have a sexy vampire CEO to seduce. Bye.”

She walked to the living room, wearing a sexy nightdress she bought in London. One she knew Kamilah would be able to resist. She bit her lower lip playfully as she spotted the female vampire in the living room, where she was waiting for her to watch a movie.

"What is my gorgeous fiancée doing?" She asked to make her presence to be noticed.

"Amy," Kamilah said, before turning around to face her, "I swear this was the longest shower you've ever..."

She turned around and stopped, astonished by her special outfit.

"I was preparing you a little surprise. Did you like it?"

"I-It looks... nice."

"Really?" Amy rolled her eyes. "Nice is the best word you can use to describe it?"

"No, actually I can find multiple other adjectives to express how much I liked it."

"So," Amy wrapped her arms around her neck and whispered in her ear, "tell me."

“Amy,” Kamilah carefully pushed her away, “this may not be a good idea at the moment.”

Amy threw herself at the couch and sighed frustrated, wondering if after being distant for so long Kamilah had stopped desiring her.

“It has nothing to do with you,” the female vampire spoke. “It’s about me.”

“Gaius?” Amy asked, afraid to hear the answer.

Kamilah shook her head in denial.

“After ingesting such a large amount of blood my thirst is out of control.”

“Oh, so that’s the problem. I mean, you’ve controlled it before, you can control it again.”

“Does that make you relieved?” Kamilah frowned. “Amy, it turns me into a monster! At the same time I want you, I want to drink until the last drop of blood in your body.”

After thinking for a while, Amy found an easy solution. She brushed off her hair from her shoulder, exposing her neck.

“Do it,” she ordered. “Feed from me. You'll never know if you don't try it.”

“Did you hear what I just told you? I’m going to kill you.”

“You won’t. I know it.”

“Amy...”

“It’s in your head, Kamilah. You’re letting Gaius manipulate you again, can’t you see it? You’re not a monster. Please, let me prove this to you.”

She stood up again, approaching Kamilah and pressing her lips on the vampire’s. As she slipped her tongue inside Kamilah’s mouth, she stopped her.

“Then let’s get you a stake first. In case I don’t stop, you can...”

“Kamilah,” Amy silenced her with her index finger, “stop.”

She turned around, exposing her jugular again. Kamilah held her close, Amy could feel her heart racing inside her chest. She nervously traced her neck, finding the right spot to feed.

“Are you sure?” Kamilah asked.

“More than sure,” Amy placed her hand where hers was lying, on her belly.

Kamilah slowly sank her fangs into her jugular, drawing small sips of her blood. Amy could sense how insecure she was, as if she was holding back her thirst, her desire, everything... and the girl was determined to get more. She grabbed Kamilah’s hand, guiding it to her inner tights.

She moaned in pleasure as Kamilah started to give her exactly what she wanted, what made the vampire deepen the bite.

Amy never felt a similar pleasure in her life before. Kamilah’s fingers moving inside her, along with the pleasure from the bite. She felt like her entire body was on fire. Kamilah suddenly stopped.

“That’s enough, I’ve drank enough of your blood.”

“No,” Amy protested. “You usually take more than that.”

“I feel I’m slipping out of my control.”

“You’re not. I promise you.”

“In this case,” Kamilah looked at her and a devilish grin appeared on her face.

Using her vampire special skills, she ripped off Amy’s nightdress.

“I thought you had liked it,” Amy complained.

“I thought you were used to my ways of showing it.”

Kamilah’s mouth was suddenly on hers, kissing her hungrily, fiercely... then she moved down to Amy’s neck, tracing her jugular with her tongue.

“Hmmm, I’ve had enough of this,” she sank down to her knees, leaving Amy with a confused look on her face.

She softly pressed her fangs against Amy’s inner tights, leaving a small, shallow cut. The swipe of her tongue, cleaning the blood over the mark, made Amy’s entire blood tremble. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of ecstasy as Kamilah bit her a little harder, drawing some more blood.

Amy was about to reach climax when the female vampire stopped, healing the bite with her fingertips.

“Why did you... oh!” Amy had no time to finish her question, Kamilah moved her mouth to her most sensitive spot of her body, sending her into bliss.

After she finished, Amy’s legs were weak and her mind a little lightheaded and foggy.

“Now you know how much I liked it.”

Between pants, the girl let out a smile.

-----------

Kamilah

It was late night and Kamilah couldn’t force herself to sleep. Though she was relieved to know her thirst was remained under control, she was lying still, staring at the ceiling. She wondered if she and the others would even survive the next few weeks. Or days. Gaius was planning something big and, unless she was able to earn his trust again, she wouldn’t be part of it this time. The sound of her cell phone vibrating on the nightstand made her body stiffen even more. It was Harvey.

After going to the balcony, she finally answered.

“What do you want?” She asked. “I’m in the middle of something.”

“Recruiting new members, I hope,” the voice on the other side replied. "The King isn't pleased after what your stupid brother did."

"I haven't spoke to my brother in days. I have no idea of what he's doing."

"After you gave him ownership over your clan, he sent all of the members to different parts of the country, looking for our King."

Kamilah smirked. Her twin brother hadn't lost his skills over the century. Behind this act, he should be trying to make it difficult for Gaius to get new servants.

"I mean it, Kamilah. You better find some new members to our army, he's furious at you."

The last words made Kamilah's heart pound, but she couldn't show it.

"I'll see what I can do," she lied. "Just give me some time."

"We have no time. He wants to see you, in three days."

Three days. Gaius demanded to see her urgently. If he was furious, he'd probably punish her. If only she was able to finish him before that... As anger took control of her body, she was ready to throw her cell phone away, when a loud, frightened scream came from inside the bedroom.

"Amy," she shouted.

In less than a second she was back to her fiancée's side. The girl was sitting on the bed, her skin was pale and her eyes were wide in fear.

"You scared me, what's wrong?"

"I-I..." she took a moment before being able to say anything. "The visions, Kamilah. I saw her... Keaseth."

"Who?!"

"The First Vampire. Her name is Keaseth."

Kamilah sat by her side in bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders in a assuring manner.

"Amy, she's only a myth. We're not even sure she really existed."

"She exists, Kamilah!" Amy raised her voice. "Asleep, inside a coffin in some underground temple in London. To wake her up, I must offer my life in sacrifice because I'm her descendant. The one she assigned the mission."

The girl buried her face in Kamilah's chest and started to sob.

"S-She's calling for me... but I can't... I can't..."

"This is insanity. Whatever that teacher has tormented your mind with isn't true, Amy! She was a psycho that created a baseless theory. This isn't true!"

"Lysimachus has the manuscripts. It's real, Kamilah. Everything is there, Keaseth instructions, a genealogy map that leads to me... It's true. I can ask him to show you."

Kamilah got up from the bed and started pacing around the room. It couldn’t be true. That teacher should’ve invented it all to lure Amy into her own interests. But somehow it explained Amy’s visions. How she could, somehow, have access to hers, Lysimachus and Adrian's past.

“This isn’t why I love you,” Amy tried to explain between tears. “In the beginning I was confused. I thought I only felt attracted to you because I’m related to The Frist Vampire, but it’s not...”

“Amy...” Kamilah gave her a comforting hug. “This thought never crossed my mind. I... The only thing I fear is for your life. If you’re really her descendant it makes your blood powerful, special. A lot of vampires could try to use it in their advantage. But... I’ll protect you.”

Amy finally opened a smile and hugged her back.

“Amy, as you know, under the current circumstances it’s impossible for us to have a moment of pure joy and peace, so... we have to go. Gaius is requesting to see me and we need to discuss our plan.”

“Kamilah, oh my god. Y-You don’t have to go. We'll find another way.”

“Yes, I do. While we can’t figure out a way to kill him, I can’t blow up my cover.”

“Actually...” Amy jumped out of the bed, looking for her phone.

“What are you doing?” Kamilah was confused.

“I’m calling Lysimachus, I just remembered where I saw the last symbol.”

-----------

Lysimachus

“Boring,” Priya lamented. “Everything suddenly started to feel boring and I don’t know why! Maybe I’m getting old, like Kamilah.”

“No,” Lysimachus added. “You’re absolutely right. That party was one of the most boring events I ever attended. I'm glad we left."

He still couldn’t believe how far he had went on his plan to find out about Priya’s past. He could have gone to the Shadow Den to help Lily or hang out with Jax. For what purpose he was trying to know her better? She would never change. She only agreed to be part of the plan because of her own interests: protection, power and strength. If Gaius offered her an opportunity to obtain more power, she’d surely accept.

“We aren’t even friends…” Lysimachus though, “or are we?”

As Priya would always say, they were friends with benefits, without the friends part. Only the benefits.

“Than, let's have fun!” She complained, splashing him some water. "We didn't come here to chat."

“Okay..."

They were both in the swimming pool at Priya's house, with a few bottles of vodka he stole at the event's bar. All he had to do was to find a way to make her talk.

"We could play a game," he suggested. "Truth or Dare?"

"Come on, Hunter. This is so last century! Though it could be fun if only picked 'dare'."

Her hand softly stroke his naked chest, when she suddenly stopped.

"I'm not sure I'm in the mood for this either."

Lysimachus observed confused as she left the swimming pool and wrapped a towel around her body.

"Priya, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

"Why do you assume it's about you?" Her face turned into a frown.

"I'm not assuming anything! You've been acting weird since this morning."

"You assume a lot of things."

He detected a hint of sadness in her voice.

“What are you talking about?”

“Stop playing dumb, Hunter. I saw you creeping on my bedroom. You don’t think I’m worthy your trust.”

“Priya, this is not...”

“I’m done with you.”

For the first time since they met, he could tell she was somehow hurt.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to know more about you, about your past.”

His words made her turn around and face him again.

“Why?” She clenched her fists in anger. “Why was that supposed to matter? Why would you like to know about... that!”

Carefully, he took her hands in his and noticed she was shaking.

“Sometimes it’s easier if you just let it go. I mean, look at me. Everything I did, everything I built my entire life... it was a lie. My sister was so alive as I was.”

She walked away from him, sitting by the pool’s edge, where she started to play with the water using her hands. After a few minutes in silence she finally spoke.

“Life wasn’t always a piece of cake for me, Hunter. Back in India, I belonged to the people they call ‘the untouchable’, ‘the impure’. We lived like rats! In a secluded and small rural property, where my parents did the most degrading work to feed me and my four siblings.”

During his travels to India, Lysimachus heard about that group of people. Excluded from the caste system, they lived under inhumane rules.

“I was the youngest child and the only one to not accept that life,” Priya continued. “As a little girl, I started to collect pieces of fabric that were discarded and sew them together to make myself beautiful clothes. Clothes I’d never be allowed to have.”

She approached him again, taking a sip from her bottle to prepare for what she was going to tell next.

“When my father died, my mother fell seriously ill. We needed to bring home some money, but I’d never submit myself to dirty work, such as working with garbage and dejects. So, I went even dirtier.”

"Priya, oh my god...” Lysimachus ran his hand through his hair, not knowing exactly what to say upon that information.

“What do you think upper caste women did when they found out their husbands were sleeping with an ‘untouchable’? One night, they set my family’s house on fire. I wasn’t home, so I was the only one to survive.”

“It’s enough,” he told, squeezing her hand, but she was fixated in the memories. Memories she probably suppressed for over a century. Some tears started to run across her cheeks.

“With the money I had I fled to France, seeking for a better life. I was naive, Hunter. Too naive. Soon, I was back to my old habits. Until the day this rich guy I was dating got fed up of my expensive taste. He called a little friend of his and the two of them attempted to get rid of me, not before having fun one last time, of course.”

“Priya…"

"I was weak, almost dead, when somebody came to my rescue,” she didn’t let him speak. “A thirsty, disgusting vampire. I attempted to scream while he fed from what was left of me. After drinking my whole blood, he thought I was too young and pretty to die, so he Turned me.”

“You don’t even know who’s your maker.”

“No, I was on my own. Until a woman saved me. She owned a brothel. She let me stay there, where I was allowed to feed from her and her girls. In trade, I’d create clothes for their night shows and protect them from the nasty clients. That was my favorite part. Anyways, when she died, some of the girls wanted to come to America, where they hoped they’d find what they were searching for, so I came too.”

“And did you find it? What you were looking for?”

“More than that,” she finally opened a mischievous grin, “he gave me what I needed.”

“Who?”

“No one,” she finished her bottle and wiped the last few tears from her face. “He’s gone now. It doesn’t matter.”

Lysimachus stood up and involved her in a protective embrace. Everything suddenly made sense, her houseboys, the way she treated mortals… she was taking revenge for how she was treated in the past. Being used, abused, broken.

"You don't have to do this," he stroked her soft hair. "You're hiding behind this character you created to mask your pain. I know what I'm saying, this is exactly what I did being a Vampire Hunter."

“No, you have no idea of what you're saying,” she angered. “I shouldn’t have told you any of this! Now you know my weaknesses, you’re going to use it against me!”

“Priya,” Lysimachus held her still, looking into her eyes. “God, I would never use it against you. You can trust me, I promise.”

“But… now you know, it changes everything. You better keep a distance.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

For a moment, she seemed open, vulnerable. Their lips were almost touching when Priya took a step back.

“I need to stay alone for a while.”

Respecting her wish, Lysimachus went to the Shadow Den and left her alone in his apartment. Lily had important news to tell him.

“Amy told me she remembers seeing the mysterious symbol at Wright’s office and temple.”

“So that was where I saw it too.”

“Anyways, after studying it for hours I came to a conclusion,” Lily seemed worried somehow. “It’s a junction of other symbols: this one for ritual, the one for blood or descendant and this one... means sacrifice.”

“A-Are you telling me…”

“In order to kill what the First Vampire created, you must execute the ritual and offer her descendant as sacrifice.”

“You mean…”

“To kill Gaius, we must kill Amy too."

Next: When a meeting with Gaius goes wrong, somebody will be facing a tragic outcome. Stay tuned!

#playchoices #choices stories you play #bloodbound #kamilah sayeed #kamilah x mc #bloodbound fanfiction #priya lacroix #lysimachus

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kaiofmotunui · 6 years

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Hold Onto the Memories | Tikai

Who: @tiaisms & @kaiofmotunui

When: Monday, December 31st

Where: The Charming Dance Hall

What: Tia and Kai meet on the dance floor at the New Year’s party close to midnight.

Kai stood in the crowd, tossing back a glass of champagne that Lui had scored him a few moments before. He didn't know why he'd showed up to this New Year's party in the first place. Maybe he would have had major FOMO if he'd stayed home and saw everyone posting about it on their stories, or maybe he just went to be around his friends. One of those friends, of course, being Tia. Now that they were actually on good terms as exes...Maybe to some a little too good of terms, he felt it okay to hang around her in social situations like this. It was almost midnight, maybe he could ring in the new year with her...and Huntley...but mostly her. Speak of the hairy devil, he was nowhere to be found as Kai sauntered up to her, hands in the pockets of his smoking jacket. "Hey! Happy almost-New Year," he smirked to her. "Where's Huntley?"

Tia was enjoying the party for the most part, hanging out with various friends and blissfully ignoring the fact that her boyfriend was in a corner somewhere being a giant nerd. And even though she and Huntley were definitely there together, she couldn't help but take advantage of his absense and casually keep her eyes out for Kai in the crowd, all the while assuring herself that despite how late into the night it was getting, it was totally normal to want to ring in the new year with a good pal. It wasn't like she was planning on making him her New Years Kiss, that was Huntley's job obvi! When Kai ended up being the one to find her, Tia happily flung her arms around his neck in greeting. "Happy almost New Year back!" She replied, lingering a teeensy bit too long in the release. Even though she was absolutely mostly committed to her relationship, Kai still smelled reslly comforting and warm and she couldn't be faulted for just liking it a lot. "He's um somewhere in a corner doing um cool things. Like dancing!" Tia lied, pretty unconvincingly as her cheeks warmed in mild embarrassment of the fact that Huntley had fully brought board games to a NYE party.

Kai felt his brows raise when Tia embraced him, but didn't hesitate to embrace back, lingering just as long as she had before letting go. "Oh? Dancing?" Kai nodded, taking Tia by the hand and spinning her around herself. "Well that's just a waste if he's dancing and it's not with you," he commented, smirking. He had never been one for dancing while they were together -- in fact, Kai remembered making a big to-do about being forced to dance with her at proms. But he'd matured and stopped caring what people thought about him, and would give anything to dance with Tia now.

Tia giggled as Kai spun her around and stood a little closer to him than she would've normally since their break up. "Yep, that's what he's doing." Tia casually swung the hand she hadn't yet let go of. "Some people can't handle my talent I guess." She joked, playfully shrugging her shoulders as a new song started up. "But you've been able to handle me before pretty well, so will you dance with me now?"

Kai ran his tongue over his bottom lip, gazing down at her with a sigh as she swung their arms. "I was? I mean, yeah! I was," He chuckled, unable to keep his eyes off her while simultaneously trying to disguise his blushing cheeks as Tia granted his silent wish. "And of course. Always," Kai's gaze lingered, as he tugged her toward the dance floor. He moved to the beat, letting the music guide his steps. "So...Got any New Year's resolutions?" he asked, attempting to take his mind off of the fact that here they were, dancing together like they should have at the prom that he screwed everything up at. It kind of felt like a second chance, in a way.

Tia tried and failed to stop her gaze from drifting down to Kai's lips as he licked them and in her distraction barely even got the joke he made, so she just laughed along with him to cover her tracks. Tia tried very hard to keep her thoughts extra platonic as she and Kai began to dance. She scrunched her eyebrows for a moment in thought, for some reason she hadn't even thought of making any for the next year. Most of her end of the year plans, were about where to go and which relatives she was even speaking to and who of those few would get any cards or presents. So in a slightly skewed way, Tia hadn't been thinking of herself at all that season. "Not really. I kind of have everything as perfect as I can make it right now and that's okay with me." She sighed, ignoring her feud with Charlie, the post-thanksgiving awkwardness with Annie and the way that she was lowkey icing out her both of her parents. But she was friends with both Kai and Freddie now despite the odds and asking for anything more would probably be asking for a little too much. "What about you? Do you have any resolutions for the New year?"

Kai cocked a brow at her claim that everything was perfect. She had a new dog, was the Best Woman for her sister's wedding, and was apparently going on some ski trip with Huntley where they would be hot tubbing and who knows what else in their room. She did seem to have everything perfect, and it was all without him. Kai nodded, putting on a grin. "Perfect, huh? Well, I shouldn't have expected anything less," he commented, twirling her once more. "Me? Well...I guess I want to get back on my channel." He'd taken a hiatus after the WaltFest fiasco. "Try new things...Dance more...Make the best of my time here in Walt. Stop running away from things..." he shrugged, hoping she got what he was implying. But even if she didn't, it was kind of important that he voiced it out loud to himself, to really validate his own feelings. "That got deep, sorry -- also I want to work out more and get a sick bod, I guess," Kai winked.

Tia smiled back at Kai just before letting him twirl her again and listened to him come up with his list. She absolutely understood what he'd been implying with his last "deep" resolution, but that wasn't exactly the most platonic thing to comment on, so she instead picked something she figured would be. "Those are nice. But a sick bod? What's so umm...healthy? About the one you have now? You tryna turn into Kai "the rock" Waialiki on us all of a sudden?" Tia asked, eyeing Kai's body with an obviously less than friendly gaze.

Kai chuckled, shrugging. "Nah, I don't want to go that crazy. Just...I dunno, I want to make a change. Stop locking myself in my room editing tracks and videos for twelve hours a day. If I can't work my arms out manning the sails, then I need to do it some other way." He took a glance at his watch, noticing the time was dwindling down -- it was almost midnight. They had maybe one or two songs to dance to before the countdown. "It's getting pretty late, should we go find Huntley? Or...your friends?" he suggested, though his body didn't stop dancing.

Tia decided to try twirling Kai for a change, tilting a little closer on the toes of her heels to get the turn done right. "Well have you ever considered trying a sport? Huntley plays volleyball and gets a pretty good work out from it, I think. Plus you can make more friends and check off the trying new things part of your list!" Tia glanced down at Kai's watch too and frowned slightly, he had a point but she really didn't want to stop dancing with only Kai just yet. "Nah! He's pretty great at finding me in a crowd if he has to since he's so tall and I don't know, with Sage being Sage and L'ogan being L'ogan, I feel like hunting either couple down so close to the new year is asking to see something totally innecessary for a public place. But do you have someone you need to go find before midnight?"

Kai laughed when she spun him, before wrinkling his nose at the idea of a team sport. Especially volleyball. Especially volleyball with Huntley. “I dunno, I’ve never been much of a team player. I fly solo, but you know that,” he smirked. “Maybe I could give the rowing team a chance or something....Or get Lui to teach me golf,” he chuckled at the idea of sauntering around on a golf course in a polo shirt. Kai felt a flood of relief fall over him when Tia rejected his idea of finding other people to ring in the New Year with, and cocked a brow when she asked if he had anyone to find. “Nope!” Kai declared almost too quickly. “I mean, what you said about Sage and L’ogan — same about Lui. And I guess I wouldn’t mind keeping you company til Huntley — being so tall — finds you. Since you seem so positive that he will.”

Tia shrugged, not really surprised that Kai was rejecting her team sport advice, it was worth a shot at least. "The rowing team actually would probably be the most perfect thing for you now that you're staying here. But i'm pretty sure golfers wear those super high plaid sock things. What if your ankles think you suddenly don't love them anymore?" She joked, not being able to resist yet another dig at his thing for not wearing socks. Stifling a grin when Kai told her that he wasn't really interested in finding other people to ring in the year with either, Tia moved in a little closer to Kai. Just to hear each other better since it would be getting louder soon thanks to the countdown and stuff. "Good. I like having you around as company,...pal. it probably won't be that long until he looks up from his ga-dancing to come and find me."

Kai rolled his eyes with a smile, sticking his tongue out at her teasing. “Hey, I’m wearing socks right now!” He lifted the leg of his pant, hopping up and down on one foot to show her. “My ankles know I love them cause I’m keeping them nice ‘n toasty,” he chuckled. When Tia leaned in closer to him, his cheeks grew warmer, but he couldn’t move away. Rather, he reflexively placed a hand on the small of her back to hear her better, as well. “I mean, if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t chance it. Ringing in the new year with Tia La Bouff is a gift.”

Tia giggled and stuck her tongue right back out at Kai. "Congratulations! I'm so proud of you for wearing weather appropriate clothes. And look your pants aren't even khaki, what a miracle!" She started to sarcastically applaud him, but instead she shivered slightly as his hand touched the small of her back. "Well, um if he misses out, I guess that'll just be his loss then, huh." She laughed again, struggling slightly to be heard because of how breathy her voice was suddenly coming out.

Kai nodded with a gulp. “Yep! His loss,” Kai agreed as the energy of the crowd started to buzz louder, with people rushing to find friends and loved ones as the countdown was apparently getting closer. Kai glanced up at the big projection of the countdown that displayed on the farthest wall of the dance hall. Ten seconds. “Well if he misses out, who’s getting your New Year’s kiss?” Kai asked, his heart pounding. He knew this was overstepping — but when it was him and Tia, nothing ever felt wrong. When they were together, no matter what it was, it was right.

Tia was only vaguely aware of the rush around them as time ticked closer to the New Year and Huntley was still nowhere to be seen. All she could focus on was how close Kai was next to her, the feeling of his fingers and how the responsible thing would be to back the hell up and just not kiss anyone at midnight like so many other girls in the room probably would be doing. But instead of actually backing up, Tia surged forward, flinging her arms around Kai's neck and moving in to kiss him, stopping about half a centimeter away to answer his question. "I guess it's just going to have to be you." She stated matter of factly, before closing the basically nonexistent distance and pressing their lips together just as the count ticked down to midnight.

Kai knew what would come of this when he opened the can of worms. Okay, well, it could've gone one of two ways -- either Tia would've rejected him for the second time, less publicly this time but ultimately just as soul-crushing, or she'd give into their month-long flirtations and catch onto his hint. Luckily, it was the second option and the fireworks that erupted in his chest when their lips met mirrored the ones that lit up the night sky. He clutched onto Tia's back, fingers curling into the fabric of her dress as the melody of Auld Lang Syne blared through the speakers. The start of a whole new, fresh year and he was not only kissing his ex, but kissing his ex that currently had a boyfriend. Rather than let that fact scare him away from this situation, Kai continued to kiss her til it seemed like all the buzz around them had died. Then, finally, he loosened his grip on her back and let his lips part from hers. "Happy New Year," he breathed, his heart nearly pounding out of his chest.

Tia didn't feel anything she expected to feel when Kai finally let her go. After the initial high of kissing him wore off, like half a second in, all Tia could remember were the massive lows that came from every other time they did this whole break up and then big dramatic make up song and dance. It wasn't even all that long ago that Tia hadn't even been able to wash her own hair because of one of their fights. And as great as Kai was and as much as she loved him, she just couldn't do it anymore. She had Huntley now, she'd chosen him over Kai last time and he hadn't once given her a reason to regret it. And once Huntley fully entered her mind in what was so wrong with kissing Kai again, Tia suddenly couldn't breathe. Nothing about any of her interactions with Kai all night or even for the past month if she was really and truly being honest with herself were what Huntley deserved. He tried so hard to be exactly what she could ever want in a guy and this was how she was repaying him? Tia felt faint but also like her heart was about to jump right out of her throat as she staggered backwards away from Kai. "Oh my god. I'm so sorry. This was a big mistake. I can't do this. Not with you." She exclaimed, practically hyperventilating as the reality of how badly she'd just fucked up seemed to crash into her head over and over again.

Kai furrowed his brow, finally down from the high of kissing Tia to understand what she was saying. He watched as she stumbled over her words, feeling his chest tighten as she called their kiss a 'mistake'. "Wh- what?" Kai started, shaking his head. He blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to blink away the scene that was playing out in front of him. No, no, no. This was not how this was supposed to end. "No, Twinkle, wait --" he reached out as she backed away, trying to catch her before she was out of sight, but the bustling crowd filled the gap between them and suddenly he couldn't see her anymore. "Twinkle, wait!" Kai exclaimed again, desperate to fix this. Even if they weren't back together, being friends was exponentially better than not talking for months at a time. He shoved his way through the crowd, craning his neck to find her, but having no such luck. Then, as if taunting him, the DJ called for all the couples to find each other on the dance floor for the final dance of the night. And to rub salt in the freshly-reopened wound, the opening melody of his and Tia's song started to play. The song they danced to at the Valentine's ball when he first came back. The song he sang to ask her to prom. Kai removed his celebratory 2019 tophat and crushed the cheap plastic in his hands. He'd lost her.

#( interaction: tia )#( feat: tia )#✦event: new years 2k19

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the-bejeesus · 6 years

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I Don’t Get Venom

So I went and saw Venom. To be fair, I wasn’t really excited nor had high hopes. Sony’s done us wrong too many times (I mean in movies, Playstation and all that other good stuff is fine). I figured, “I’ve watched Justice League. Even if it’s bad it’ll at least be enjoyable.” Oh boy was I wrong. But I wasn’t wrong like I thought, because I figured my critiques were agreeable. And while most critics I’ve seen agree it was bad, they don’t think it was awful. And casual moviegoers are even worse, they’re saying that it was good, and this is Man of Steel all over again, where the critics and fans are at total war with each other. So I figured I would go into detail of why I thought it was awful.

So the first thing I’ve wanted to address was the utter absence of tone. Most movies I see have a misuse of tone, but this movie had a complete absense. No filters, particular use of camera angles, or music indicated what the atmosphere of this movie was supposed to be. I mean, a lot of this movie was at night, but this movie didn’t have a dark tone. At least I don’t think it does. This is especially tough whenever the movie attempts humor, because a lot of its humor requires someone reacting or a musical note or something. Like just as an example, there’s this part where Venom punches a dog. Now because that dog growled at Venom earlier, I would assume this is supposed to be hilarious, but there’s no one reacting or anything and there’s no music. People don’t just laugh at dogs getting punched. The only time where I could clearly say that was intended for humor was when Eddie was eating a live lobster. Eddie’s ex’s doctor boyfriend made these big ol eyes and the reaction gave a clear tone. And I shouldn’t say there’s no music. There’s a couple of parts where Eddie turns into Venom and there’s this very triumphant music in the background, which I personally find kind of strange. I mean it makes sense for the audience, because this is the part we’ve been waiting for. But it doesn’t make sense in the movie, because this isn’t really a triumphant moment for Eddie or even Venom at all. It’s just something that happens. Because of this lack of tone, I don’t even know what to feel like when Venom eats someone or Eddie almost dies. Like, when Venom eats someone, the only thing that happens is Eddie says “You just ate someone.” ...? Is that funny, shocking, scary...? I’ve heard some people argue this movie is half-horror, and I don’t even get that at all. Like sure there were a couple of jump scares at the beginning, but then that goes away and we’re just left with fight scenes and presumably silly moments.

You could argue that this lack of tone is intentional, and makes some sort of profound point. Or maybe it exists so that the movie is whatever the viewer wants it to be, and in that sense it’s monumental. But honestly I just think the director and writers didn’t know what tone they were going for, so they just didn’t even bother to put one in.

The dialogue is also really poor. I honestly could not tell you what Eddie Brock’s personality is supposed to be in this movie. A smartass, a loser, a jock, a wimp, I have no clue. You might point to smartass because of the occassional quips, but honestly I think that’s just Sony making quips because that seems to work for the MCU. Any characters other than Eddie and Venom are even worse. Not only do I not know their personalities, but I don’t even know their motivations. Like his girlfriend tells him to go ahead and ask this Drake guy tough questions, and then he does that so she breaks up with him. Sure, she got fired for it and didn’t expect that, but she shouldn’t have expected him to expect that. And if she did, she should have also expected that and been prepared. And even though she hates him for this thing she shouldn’t hate him for, when she finds out he’s apparently a maniac, she wants to... help? Her new boyfriend is also weird. He seems to like Brock and, well, we never know why. I guess he’s a fan, but it just seems weird that his girlfriend being Eddie’s ex doesn’t falter his desire to like Eddie at all. Drake also.... wants to go to space. And like, that’s his evil plan.

It’s such a headache. So I guess his going to space plan is really dirty and underground, and he experiments on people and that kills them. Why? I don’t know. Like when he’s testing the symbiotes it makes sense. But according to the interview, he’s been killing people before that. Why? We’ll never know. So when Eddie steals Venom and is a perfect match, he wants him back. He believes when you’re a perfect match you can go to space. So I guess he wants to make Eddie an astronaut? Eddie resists this, because astronauts are evil. Then Drake gets his own Venom, Riot I believe, and Riot wants to stay on Earth because he’s the ringleader of the symbiotes and wants to take over the world. But Drake wants to go to space instead, and Riot goes along with this and doesn’t just kill Drake and find someone that wants to stay on Earth. Why? I don’t know. But also once Drake gets Riot he shouldn’t need Eddie anymore and should just leave him alone. Likewise Eddie isn’t a part of this anymore and should just leave Drake alone. But that doesn’t happen, and they still are motivated to conflict with each other for some reason. I should also note that Venom says he has 0 chance of beating Riot, and without any training, preparation, or other advantages, basically kills Riot with ease. And for some reason I kind of expected that.

There’s also this scene where Eddie makes out with a rule 63 Venom and I just.... really really want to unsee that. I know many of y’all would consider that a minor nitpick, and you would also argue it’s actually his girlfriend so he’s not really making out with Venom, and you would be right to say so. But I don’t know, I just really really wish I could unsee that. Like, Eddie didn’t know it was his girlfriend until he was done kissing. He just saw Venom’s devil eyes and sharp fangs and said “I want to fuck that.” And then this movie has the balls to bring it up again at the end of the movie. The girlfriend literally says “That was Venom’s idea” which honestly just makes it worse. Like who was the motherfucker at Sony that greenlit this idea? God.

Now after beating this movie to death with complaints, I should at least give credit where it’s due. Venom looked really cool. I didn’t like Riot, he has weird cheekbones and he’s just a big grey villain, but Venom looked fucking sick. I wouldn’t call it realistic, but honestly do any of us care if the CGI is believable at this point? His fight with Riot was long and dull, but the parts where he’s just laying a swat team to waste was awesome. I wish there was blood, but seeing him bite off a head was already more than I expected. On that note, a lot of people were afraid there’d be like only 3 minutes of actual Venom, but that’s thankfully not the case. We get plenty of Venom and it was a satisfying amount.

I do not care for the Carnage post credits scene. If Justice League and Batman v. Superman taught me anything, it’s that post credits scenes that promise a better sequel are full of shit. If Sony had what it takes to make a good Venom vs. Carnage movie, they would have just done that right off the bat. This post credits scene solely exists to say “Hey this movie might not have been all that, but we promise the next one will have everything you want, so give us money anyways.” They will never fulfill that promise. If this movie makes enough money, you’ll either get a shitty Carnage movie or another shitty Venom movie that promises Carnage.

If you did like this movie, I don’t want to take that away from you, I just wanted to get my thoughts out there. I don’t usually bother with reviews, because usually JeremyJahns or someone else already says everything I was thinking and more, but this time around I kinda felt alone in my opinions. Everyone else either seems to like it or just hate it a lot less than me. And who knows, maybe I’m being too harsh, or maybe I’m not really interpreting this movie like the director intended. But I personally don’t think Sony deserves money for making this movie. I don’t want a Venom sequel, and I definitely don’t want to see this Venom in the MCU. If there’s a Venom in the MCU, I want an Eddie with personality and an origin that makes sense. Venom himself can pretty much look the same, but change everything else.

#Venom #Venom 2018 #Marvel #MCU

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