#and feedback on how people are not behaving in a way that is comfortable for others --also good

[rawliverandgoronspice]

tbh I'm kind of... I tend to not entirely understand what limit we place between the "all need to strive to behave gracefully and being socially respectful and always understanding the space we must take to participate in society politely and productively with others", and the "we need to make space for mental illness and acknowledge it and destigmatize"

I'm not saying the two are incompatible, I don't think they are, but like. By definition, mental illness is about some form of incompatibility and dysfunction. Stigma is borderline impossible to avoid then. And I don't think we should follow unhealthy standards of human behavior from people who have unbalanced brains/trauma/haven't figured their stuff out yet, but I do find it complicated to reconcile the importance we put on good social behavior with the calls to try not to shame the mentally ill. I feel like they go hand in hand, by design. And I don't have a good solution, I don't even know what I think about that. But it is a thing I think.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing a "Toxic" Character

Toxic Behavior - any kind of behavior that results in unpleasantness for those around you.

This can range from accidentally telling a joke that hurts someone’s feelings to alienating close friends and family through consistently negative and cruel behavior.

In other words, toxic behavior is whatever someone does to bring negativity upon themselves and others.

Everyone can be difficult on occasion, but you want to avoid allowing occasional, accidental toxic behaviors to become a long-term feature of your personality.

It’s one thing to make a selfish decision and meaningfully apologize afterward, but it’s another when it becomes a defining trait.

Even the most toxic people can improve their behavior patterns, so long as they make an earnest effort to understand themselves and become more compassionate.

Even though it might take a lot of self-compassion, patience from friends and family, and a resolute commitment to becoming kinder, it’s well worth it for everyone in the long run.

Prominent Toxic Behavior Traits

Toxicity manifests in numerous ways. If you’re worried you might be consistently exhibiting toxic traits, ask yourself if someone would describe you as having any one of these 5 qualities:

Critical: When people behave in a toxic way, they often blame others for all their problems. Rather than accepting any responsibility for their unhappiness or aggression, they convince themselves they behave this way solely because of the kind of people around them. Ask yourself if you’re quicker to criticize others than to self-reflect.

Manipulative: Controlling behavior, gaslighting, and other forms of manipulation are some of the key signs of a toxic person. Perhaps you try to passive-aggressively get coworkers to do your job for you or try to make family members feel guilty so they’ll do you favors. If you manipulate other people, knowingly or unknowingly, you’re exhibiting a key toxic trait.

Narcissistic: Certain toxic people only look out for themselves. As narcissists, they view their own lives as above anyone else’s. While everyone can veer into self-interest from time to time, this sort of constant self-involvement is a sure sign of toxicity. Think about the last time you put someone else’s needs above your own—if you have a hard time remembering when that was, it might be time for some further self-evaluation and improvement.

Negativity: Toxic people are often negative people. They feel the need to nitpick and criticize the minutiae of their lives, berating friend and foe alike for making things more difficult than they need to be. No one can feel happy all the time, and negativity can balance out positivity on occasion—but if you constantly dwell on things that make you sad or angry, you could be embodying toxic behavior.

Unapologetic: When toxic people lash out at their loved ones, they’re unlikely to ever apologize or see what they’ve done as wrong. This might be because their self-worth is bound up in thinking they must be right at all times and at all costs. Ask yourself whether you ever feel comfortable being wrong. If the answer is no, this might be a toxic trait worth improving.

Tips for How to Not Be Toxic

Devoting yourself to positivity rather than toxicity can prove a boon for both you and all your loved ones. Learn how to stop being toxic with these 7 steps:

Apologize when necessary. Everyone exhibits bad behavior from time to time. Apologize when you act out of line so you can get back to spending time creating positive memories with friends and family.

Assess yourself regularly. Toxic traits often emanate from low self-esteem and unaddressed trauma. Work on bettering your mental health and wellness. Journal out your thoughts to improve your sense of self-awareness.

Be open to feedback. Free and open communication is one key hallmark of healthy relationships. Listen more than you speak. Ask people what you can do so you both can have a good relationship with each other.

Deal with past trauma. There’s an old saying: “Hurt people hurt people.” In other words, people who’ve gone through hard times and are in a painful situation are likely to create hard times and painful situations for others. Seek out help to deal with these very real wounds. No one deserves to suffer, and the sooner you heal, the sooner you can help others heal, too.

Practice mindfulness. Very few people actively set out to be a toxic person, they just fall into toxic habits. Practicing mindfulness meditation gives you the tool kit to break up negative thought patterns and assess why you might behave in a toxic way.

Respect boundaries. Individual toxicity often leads to toxic relationships with others characterized by codependency. Respect people when they set boundaries with you, then pay attention to whether you’re crossing them.

Seek opportunities for compassion. Rather than looking for opportunities to criticize, seek out the ability to be compassionate. Give yourself grace as a form of self-care—remind yourself you’re not a bad person, just someone trying to get through the difficulties of life like anyone else. Forgive others who frustrate or wrong you. Focus on spreading a sense of well-being and you’ll be well on your way to ensuring each day is a positive rather than toxic one.

Source ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[russellsppttemplates]

I'm right here! (Oscar Piastri)

People seem to forget you're dating Oscar

Note: english is not my first language. Another Oscar piece 🫶

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Cw: jealous themes

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

"Do you think this will translate as well on the track though?", Phil, the head of the engineering department, asked as you showed him the latest set of data.

"Even with the interval we've set for changes, these numbers show it could improve performance, especially in race pace", you pointed to the calculations on the side.

"We would only have it for Miami, though", he reasoned, "we don't have enough time to get this done for Shanghai and I don't think it would be wise to test this in a track we haven't raced in five years", Amelia argued as you nodded in agreement, "but it looks promising - good job, Y/N", she patted your back.

"Would you feel comfortable talking about it in the meeting with Zak, Andrea and the mechanics? You have been the one working the most with this, makes sense for you to be the one taking point. Lando and Oscar should join you as well - I think they're doing something on the Sim", William mused.

"Absolutely! Yes, Oscar said he was driving a new set up and strategy Tom also wants to discuss in the meeting", you offered with a smile.

"Having insider information makes this easier - I don't have to check every single e-mail and wonder about things, especially Oscar's schedule", Amelia chuckled, rubbing your shoulder before she got up.

As everyone gathered in the meeting room, you set your laptop up so the latest data would be seen by everyone as you spoke about the changes, "we don't think nor expect this will be ready for China, but we're hoping to have the new package in Miami already - gives us enough time to work on it and the track there is ideal for us to have an idea of how this could play out for the rest of the season", you concluded.

"I agree - I think China will be damage control racing and we're accepting it as it goes", Andrea stated.

"We just need to get going with these then and also get the guys to try it out on the- Oh! Speaking of the devil", Zak chuckled as Oscar and Lando stepped inside the meeting room.

"So that's that, I think - thank you for all your work and let's hope we can bring some points next weekend", the British driver said before everyone scattered out.

Closing your laptop and getting your tablet, you held them against your torso so you could go and set them back to your station before lunch. You didn't make it very far as Oscar stood just outside the room, his hand snaking up your back carefully as he didn't want to startle you.

"Good morning, love", he smiled, kissing your cheek and walking with you.

"Morning, Osc", you kissed his cheek back, "how was training?", you wondered.

"Same old - went for a run this time, though, it was nice enough outside", your boyfriend offered as you reached your desk, tidying it a little bit before leaving to get some lunch, walking hand in hand.

You didn't expect to fall for a driver, especially after the relationship you had with Lando. You behaved like siblings, often pranking eachother, and it had helped you grow more confident around him and the senior staff when you felt you were all but a small intern. Over the years, you grew more comfortable as your ideas and pitches would get considered and tested, finally feeling like your place was well earned and that at the right time, the development would come to bring McLaren to the top where it belonged.

When Oscar joined the team, however, you didn't expect to feel the way you felt about the Australian driver. He was handsome, very shy and very kind and thoughtful as he sat all through the meetings as you explained the changes. Jeopardising your career was something you didn't want to do, but after some not so careful touches and glances, the team assured you it wouldn't be an issue in case you and Oscar were to pursue a relationship together.

"Here's my favourite team-mate! And she brought Oscar with her!", Lando joked as you sat at the same table as him.

Swatting his neck playfully, you sat down next to him so you could face Oscar as he put his tray down, "I will revoke new updates package from you and you'll be stuck in the midfield", you taunted before you started eating.

"Do you want to spend the night at my place? I need to sort a few things out still this afternoon, but I'm hoping I can leave on time today", you squinted your eyes.

"What do you mean on time?", Lando quirked an eyebrow.

"Yesterday, she got so caught up in the calculations, I barely got a text out of her when I asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me", Oscar chuckled as you held hands on top of the table, playing with his fingers, "what was it you texted me? 'I'm having a breakthrough' I think it was", your boyfriend offered.

"I did, though! Amelia checked it over and we might be onto something - I have to go to Race Base this afternoon so they can check them out", you shrugged your shoulders."We're spending the whole afternoon in the sim", Oscar checked with you, "when you get off, then we can leave together - how does that sound?".

Coming back to your place after you stopped by the supermarket, you set the bag on the counter and pulled out all of the ingredients you bought to make sure the dinner would be suitable and appropriate to Oscar's plan.

"I haven't had a proper cuddle today", Oscar pulled you to him, beggining to litter kisses on your forehead all the way to your cheeks and jaw, "I can't ever do this at the center", he mumbled against your neck, tickling you.

"We could, just where there are no other team members", you giggled before cupping his cheeks, "which happens to be nowhere most of the time", before you kissed his lips.

"I'm going to start working on the chicken", Oscar said after you stole a few kisses, "are you going to be in the Center for the race?".

"No, I'm travelling with the team", you smiled as you took the fresh pasta out of the bag, "which means we can spend more time together - and people will actually see us together", you mumbled the last part.

"People know we're together, love", he smiled, cutting up the last bit of garlic and tossing it in the pan.

"Sometimes it doesn't seem like it - they didn't see me in Jeddah and the rumours flew out of control", you wiped your hands on the kitchen towell before hugging Oscar's back, resting your cheek between his shoulder blades.

"You know how the media works - they see the smallest hint to something they want to see and then they're there", he offered, taking one of his hands to squeeze your hip, "you're the one here, aren't you?", he tsked.

.

"Where are you going?", Oscar asked as he saw you grab a tablet and push the chair back under the table, "I thought we could have some time together now".

"The stewards picked out eight cars at random to get checked over a few components - Mike and Barry are waiting for me", you offered, pecking his lips quickly, "hopefully they're just not messing around with our schedule because everything is supposed to be how it is!", you smiled before you started to walk out.

"I'll go with you, then", your boyfriend assured, "can't have you go to the wolves on your own when you can have company, beautiful".

Oscar walked up to the building with you, kissing your temple before you stepped inside, "I left some data from the sprint for you to look at, and tell Lando I also left a file for him with his tire deg - I told Will to do it, but he might forget!", you alerted before letting him go.

Knowing how long it would take, he went back to the McLaren garage, stopping whenever fans snapped a couple of pictures or autographs.

By the time you were back in the hotel room after the sprint and qualifying, Oscar went to the bathroom so he could have a shower, leaving you to lay on the bed and scroll through social media.

You looked at the photos the media team had posted, along with the stories where you could spot yourself in the background and spotted a few comments as you flicked through the carrousel of pictures, the comments under it weren't something you hadn't seen before.

Hear me out, Oscar and Elaine are the perfect match

I know, right? 😭 honestly, they need to get together! They would be so cute together

She's so polite and put together, but I get rhe vibe that she's really shy too, they would be perfect for eachother

Are we forgetting Y/N? aka Oscar's girlfriend

I still can't believe the people at the top have let their engineer date a driver

Y/N's way too out there, I call PR relationship

She couldn't even build a great car, I'm not sure why you would defend her

She was literally the reason the car and the turnaround last year and we started getting podiums?

These have been the best 12 months in terms of development, what are you on about? Just because she's with Oscar, you can't dig at her like that

The last few comments don't come up too often, but you had to admit it was nice when they did even if they did nothing to the way you felt.

The green eyed monster took over more times that you'd like. You work with numbers, probabilities and direct correlations, so it was hard to miss the reason behind how you were feeling.

"Why are you looking at your phone like that? You promised you wouldn't work once we got back to the room", Oscar warned, using the towell to dry his hair before he looked at you again.

"I'm not working", you mumbled, locking the phone and setting it on your stomach, pondering whether or not you should talk to Oscar about this.

"That long silence tells me that there is something bothering you", Oscar began, "I'm not saying you have to talk about it right now - I won't force you to -, but I'm here for you when you want to do it", he offered earnestly.

"I'm jealous of you and Elaine", you stated, earning a quirked eyebrow from your boyfriend.

"Me and Elaine? The communications' intern?", he looked for some clarification.

"Yes!", you answered loudly.

"We don't - I don't even spend that much time with her, what do you mean?", Oscar asked.

"I know you don't, but people online seem to think you should! First, it was that actress that McLaren invited for Abu Dhabi - the weekend where Natalie and Naomi kept approaching us because they wanted to chat and there was actual visual proof we were together after all the rumours -, now they're saying how you should go out with Elaine!", you admitted, "they're all saying you really should have someone and that she should be the one to go, that she has all the qualities you should look for and I-", you took a big breath in, "I'm literally over there, every single day of the races - in the garage, sometimes in the pitwall!", you stated, "I barely do any races from the Center anymore, so it's not like people forgot that I exist!".

"Love, I'd never do that to you - you're the only person I care about like that", Oscar replied instantly.

"I know you don't, but it hurts to see", you admitted, "comments people make about my boyfriend and how he really should start dating someone when our relationship is public - I'm there, I see them, they see me!", you let a tear fall down your cheek, "there's only so much I can do to make it obvious, Osc!".

Oscar sat down next to you on the bed, throwing the towell on the floor for the moment so he could pull you to face him.

"Y/N, I didn't know it was bothering you so much, I don't even notice all of that", your boyfriend craddled your face in his hands, thumbs wiping the tears that continued to fall and looking into your eyes.

"I never told you and I know you don't read all of the comments", you reasoned, "I just thought it would stop at some point! Everyone keeps saying that you should have someone and I want them to think I'm that someone - because I am!", you said bitterly.

"Is there something you'd like me to do? That would make you feel better about it?", Oscar combed your bangs away and behind your ears.

"What can we do anyway? Have you walk around with a t-shirt that says "I have a girlfriend - Y/N, the engineer"?", you scoffed.

"I will do that if you think it will help - throw in a headband with "Y/N's boyfriend" too if it helps!", he tried to pry a smile out of you.

"Don't be silly", you playfully shoved his chest before holding his hands in yours, "I honestly have no idea what to do, but I know I want it to stop without putting our jobs on the line", you pouted.

"Maybe an Instagram post from us then? Something chilled but serious enough so anyone can get the hint - and I wouldn't mind arriving into the paddock with you in the morning", your boyfriend suggested.

"Oscar, I have to be there way earlier than you need to", you argued.

"Then I'll be there earlier, I'll have breakfast there with you and we'll spend more time together in front of everyone - as much as you feel comfortable with", Oscar offered you an assuring smile, "I don't want anyone else the way I want you, I don't love anyone the way I love you, Y/N".

Smiling at the honesty and safety he was transmitting you, you kissed his lips, starting with small pecks before one last long kiss, letting your foreheads touch as you pulled away, "thank you, Osc, I love you".

The next morning, reporters were surprised when they saw the McLaren driver show up in the paddock so early, his hand laced in yours as they asked a couple of questions.

"My girlfriend had to come in earlier, so I thought I'd join her and see a little bit of the preparations", Oscar replied before you continued to walk to the McLaren hospitality.

"Is it bring your boyfriend to work day?", Anna asked after her usual morning greeting.

"He's always with me at work though", you squinted before giggling, "but I really need people to know he's mine and that I'm here!", you half joked.

[physalian]

In Defense of Fanfiction (Or the perfect starting point for your original novel)

Fanfic gets a bad rap pretty much everywhere except Tumblr. It’s misunderstood and misrepresented by its average works, seen as juvenile and cringey, or a banal point of contention between a famous person or piece of media and its fans.

Outside of fanfic that writes about real people, especially smut fics of real people, I support the art wholeheartedly. Fictional characters are one thing, but personally, caricaturing a celebrity’s life for public consumption and writing or drawing them in compromising content without their consent is a little weird. You do you. Don’t like, don’t read, as they say.

Fanfic is the perfect starting point for a few reasons:

It places you in a creative box and forces you to work within those constraints

It does all the worldbuilding and character concepts for you

It lets you write way outside your comfort zone

When published and receiving feedback, it boosts your self-confidence

It's incredibly flexible

It’s practice. All practice is good practice

—

Behold your creative box

When I was little I had no idea the majority of fanfic was shipping fics. I always pictured and looked for canon-divergent alternate universes. Like, what if X happened in this episode instead of Y? What if this character never died?

Fanfic demands you work within someone else’s canon, whether it’s an OC in the canonical world, or the canonical characters in an AU. These are like little bowling bumpers saving you from the gutter, but also keeping you on a straight-ish path toward the pins.

The indecisiveness of too many choices can be too intimidating when you’re first starting out. You want to be a writer but you have no idea where to begin, what genre to pick, what characters you want to chronicle, what themes you want to explore.

Even if it sits on your computer never to see the light of day, you still got those creative juices flowing.

Pre-packaged worldbuilding

Sometimes all we want is to get to the good stuff. Maybe I want to write a story about elemental magicians but Last Airbender already exists and I just want to play in a pre-existing sandbox. So I write some OCs into that world and have a free-for-all.

I don’t have to come up with my own lore, world history, magic system rules and mechanics, politics, geography—any of it. I get to just focus on the characters.

Even if you’re writing an AU, like say a coffee shop AU, you don’t have to think about brand new characters, you can just think “What would M do?” and go from there. The trade-off is your readers will expect canonical characters to behave in-character, but I think it’s worth it.

Stretch beyond your comfort zone!

Do you hate writing action scenes? Go practice with a shonen anime fic. Need work on dialogue? Write some high-fantasy fic, or a courtroom drama. Practice a fistfight by watching fistfights and writing what you see, and do it over and over again until what you read makes you feel like you're watching what’s on screen.

But beyond that—practice genres that you aren’t super familiar with. If you’re new to fantasy, write fantasy fic. Or a mystery novel/show, thriller, comedy, satire, adventure, what have you. The nature of fanfic still gives you those ���guardrails” and you can get some brutally honest feedback on how you’re doing.

And, of course, the realm of M-rated romance and smut fics. I haven’t because I think I would die of embarrassment if I tried and I never intend to include sex scenes in my works anyway, but if you do want to, use the internet as your test audience. Post it on a throwaway account if you’re nervous.

Build that self-confidence!

The fandoms I used to write for are super dead, so it’s insane how I still get email notifications that so-and-so liked my fic to this day. Comments are as elusive as ever, but random strangers on the internet telling me they liked my work is a magical reassurance that my writing isn’t actually awful.

Random strangers on the internet are, as we all know, beholden to no moral obligation to be kind to your little avatar face, or be kind to be polite. So a rando taking the time to like my work or even leave a positive comment can feel more honest than one of my friends telling me what they think I want to hear.

I tend to avoid the more present aspects of fandom like online communities, forums, social media, what have you, so I get a delayed and diluted aspect of any given fandom through completed works. Which means, in general, I get to avoid the worst and most toxic aspects of fandom and get to sift through positive feedback and critique.

Even if your fanfic isn’t written with stellar prose, it’s fanfic. We don’t expect Pulitzer-prize winning content. And if your work isn’t up to snuff, people are more likely to just ignore it than put you on blast (at least in my experience, I never got a bad comment or a “flame” in the old FFN days).

Fanfic doesn’t care about the rules of published literature

On the one hand, try not to practice bad habits, but with this point I mean that your layout, punctuation, formatting, paragraph styles, chapter length–all of it is beholden to no rules. I get as annoyed as the next reader with giant blocks of paragraphs, or the double-spacing between pages of single-sentence paragraphs, but if the story’s good enough I might ignore it.

There’s more than just straight narrative fics, though. People write “chat” fics, or long streams of text and group chat conversations. The scene breaks can come super rapidly–I’ve seen fics with a single sentence in between line breaks to show the passage of time. And without the polish of a traditionally published novel, I’ve never seen a purer distillation of author voice in any medium more than fanfic.

All practice is good practice

Even if it’s crack fiction, or a one-off one-shot, or something meant to be lighthearted and straightforward and free from complex worldbuilding and intricate plots. It really helps break writer’s block when you can shift gears and headspaces entirely and you can get relatively instant feedback to keep you motivated.

Beyond that, the “guardrails” help you stay consistent as far as character growth and personality if you struggle with designing rich characters.

The most recent fanfic I wrote was just a couple years ago, for a dead fandom I didn’t think would get any traffic whatsoever. It wasn’t my original works, but the feedback on that fic gave me the kick in the butt I needed to get back into writing more seriously.

—

In short, I support fanfic. I may not be proud of my earliest fics' prose now, but I am proud that they walked so I can now run.

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 7: Have a Cow

From: You Catch More Bees With Honey Series

Pairing: Mob! Bucky x Farmer! Reader

Summary: You and Bucky are finding your stride until a surprise shows up on the porch

Word count: 2,750

Content/warnings: Light mob themes, farming, kissing, lap sitting, fluffy fluff

Author’s Note: It’s been a minute! Hopefully this kickstarts me to get a couple more chapters out soon. Please enjoy, be sure to drop any feedback, I love hearing from you!!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

< Prev | Series Masterlist | Next >

You sighed as you walked into one of your barns tucked toward the back of the property, recently transformed into what looked almost looked like a city loft apartment to accommodate for Bucky’s workers on the farm. You were carrying produce crates and one of Bucky’s henchmen, Peter, came to take them from your hands.

Ever since Bucky’s construction crew has been working in the mines, most of the food that you would normally be selling at the farmer’s market has been going to them. That makes it easy for you, though. A few of them have even been around the fields helping out to pick it themselves, too, giving you a little more time to sort through documents, contracts, and future plans, without having to stay up late like your normally would to fit in all the work.

All the men had been a great help, and exceptionally respectful, which surprised you. Sure, you expected them to be formal and well-behaved, but their actions seemed almost rehearsed, like they had been told exactly what to do. Peter, probably the one kid who you had taken a liking to, was the only one who would really hold conversations with you, though. You assumed part of it was due to his status in Bucky’s organization. He was young, but extremely smart, earning him a spot of minor authority. Although every time he opened his mouth, you were never quite sure what would come out. It could either be something honest and profound, or a weird nervous babble. Sweet kid, though, so no harm done. He was like the best parts of Jake and Curtis at that age.

As you handed the crate over, you looked around at the high ceilings, now lined with bulb lights and the cool tones that decorated the previously wood-heavy space. “I’ve always wanted a barndiminium, just never had an excuse to make it.”

Peter added your box to the stack in what appeared to be a makeshift kitchenette. No way they had time to hook up appliances and water lines already, right? “I know our men seem pretty gruff, but if there’s one thing they like, it’s comfort and luxury where they lay their heads.”

You laughed and nodded your head. Just like their boss, although he didn’t seem to complain as much anymore, laying on sheets that were probably about as old as him.

Peter continued shifting crates around, unloading certain items likely for whatever meal they had planned next once the next round of workers got off their shift. “And of course, boss wouldn’t want anything less than the best when it comes to you. Says this’ll increase the property value. And it’s all yours to enjoy as you please when we’re gone.”

Ah, there it was. The kinda thing Bucky wouldn’t say to your face, but Peter’s lips let slip like it was nothing. Like it was obvious. You tried to change the subject, unsure if you could confront those types of feelings to Peter when you hadn’t even built up the courage to discuss them with Bucky yet. You knew Bucky cared about quality, and had a little understanding of the extent he was willing to go for you. But you didn’t even want to think about a time when Bucky could be gone.

“Don’t you need permits for this stuff?”

He winked. “I won’t tell if you won’t. Plus, I’m sure the higher ups worked their smooth talking magic and their connections. They’re amazing with things like that.”

You hummed in agreement. You had seen and heard first-hand how effortlessly Bucky could have something done for him. The world was at his fingertips. Surely that rule stood true for most people around him.

“Don’t I know, Peter. But I’m sure you’ve got your own charms. Some of your own connections that Buck doesn’t.”

He gave you a sheepish smile and shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess, sort of. But I’m not sure how much they’d really put me in charge of that stuff. Sometimes I just freeze up when I have to tell them things instead of them telling me what to do…I just get so flustered around Mr. Barnes.”

You nodded and put a hand on his shoulder. “Well, I’d say they trust you a lot for you to be in control of as much as you are right now. They definitely see through your nervousness. You’re doing a great job and I really appreciate you discretion and assistance around here.”

He gave you a soft smile. “Oh..wow, thanks.”

You nodded and turned on the newly laid floor, ready to head back to the house to continue your paperwork.

The mid-morning sun was at your back as you made your way inside towards the office. You were almost never inside at this time of day, so it was a wonderful pocket of time to be productive. You were greeted by Bucky sitting in your chair, shuffling though papers while he was on a phone call. He drew his gaze from the fan of parchment in front of him, smiling when he saw your face.

“Yeah, just keep an eye on her and increase security all around. Overlap shifts and monitor cameras 24/7. Thanks, Steve. Bye.”

You smiled as Bucky set the phone down. You had never heard him thank anyone before. As you took another step closer, though, you saw which papers he was looking through. Your own smile fell to see the contract from Cole for the hundredth time. Why was Bucky able to be so happy when this attempt at a forceful ‘offer’ was in front of him?

“C’mere, Honey.” Bucky gestured for you to come sit with him on your chair, but instead, you opted to take a seat opposite him, in front of your desk. There was work to be done and you couldn’t let yourself get distracted, even if he seemed oddly at ease.

You watched as his previously carefree gaze scrunched in on itself, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and lips in a slight pout. As you plopped down in the old cushion, you crossed your arms and legs.

“Bucket, I’m doing this for the good of both of us. Talk business with me first, then we can discuss…accessory ventures.”

You nodded in gesture to the papers, hoping he’d explain why this all needed to be looked over again. Was it not enough that it was constantly running through your mind? You had the power to just say ‘no,’ as long as Cole didn’t keep pushing or have anything over your head, but things were never that easy, so what was really going on?

“Honey, come on. We’ve got a little time to be close. This way we don’t have to flip papers back and forth to read them.” His voice had softened from his phone call, nearly reaching a whine.

“James…” oh, you weren’t messing around. You were taking this seriously. “I can read upside down. It’s fine. Just talk me through what’s going through your head.”

He sighed and his chin met his chest in defeat. “Ever since Curtis messaged me that Cole tried to get into the bar and Lloyd had been with him, I just want to be extra cautious, which is why I’m going through these. Again. I’ve already sent them to my lawyer in the city, so he’ll confirm for me.”

You nodded and stood up, finally walking over to him. “So is this what you’re really worried about? What’s not in the contracts, but real-life threats?”

You walked around your desk, hips swerving to miss the corners as you finally stood in front of Bucky. He swiveled the chair so you stood between his legs and threw his forehead against your stomach. You held him close and stroked his hair before he moved to look up at you, resting his chin on your sternum and wrapping his arms around your waist. “Yeah. I’m worried about you. And what’ll come when I have to leave. And just how involved Lloyd may be. I know I already told you about him, but I don’t think words can describe how much he truly doesn’t subscribe to caring for the well-being of others when they stand in his way. I know this is all that Cole has sent so far, but if Lloyd has anything to say about it, this won’t be the last push, but it’ll certainly be the nicest.”

You nodded down to him before gesturing for him to sit up so you could straddle his lap in the oversized leather chair. You held the sides of his face before leaning your forehead against his. You did your best to speak in a firm, yet placating tone.

“Jamie. I promise, I’m going to be fine. I was fine before you and I can take care of myself when you’re gone.”

He closed his eyes and sighed again. “I know, I know. But I just made the command to keep Peter here with you. He’s an extra precaution. You’ll barely notice him, and I’m sure having the help will be nice.”

You pulled away to smile and roll your eyes. “Bucky, he’s a kid. What’s he gonna do that I can’t? Plus, you know I like him. The last thing I would want is him putting himself in harm’s way for my sake.”

Bucky shook his head. “No, you know how capable he is. If I can see it, I know you sensed it from a mile away. He stays at least until it all blows over. Everyone is willing to do what is necessary to protect you. It’s what they signed on for.”

You knew that Bucky wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so instead, you simply kissed his temple and wrapped your arms around him, nestling against his neck. “Okay, fine. But he’s gonna become the buffest farmer you’ve ever seen when he comes back to you. I’m burning all his little suits. You’ll only ever see him in strictly flannel.”

Bucky let out a light chuckle as he rubbed your back, sitting in the chair and enjoying the moment with you before you mumbled against his neck in question.

“So you wanna tell me what Jake was really doing here? And what you did to make him into the same guy he used to be?”

Bucky hummed in thought at your question. He wasn’t quite sure if honesty was the best way to go here. Sure, you knew that everyone who knew about the mines had to come into town, but why have Jake help? And why didn’t Bucky hate him as much as you’d anticipated?

Bucky clicked his tongue before deciding on the diplomatic answer. “I just reminded him of his place and how valuable you are. Not much more than that. He’s smart if you direct the way he needs to think. I mean, he’s half the reason you’re in this mess, but he could help us get out if we do it right.”

“Yeah, okay Mr. Politician. Whatever you say. Just make sure you restock my duct tape. I’ve been running low lately and I’m not sure how that happened.” Bucky froze as you laughed at the reaction. Dang, he should’ve told the truth. You wouldn’t have asked if you didn’t already know, you were just giving him the opportunity to let you in. Noted.

The rest of the week on the farm was fairly easy as you and Bucky worked in tandem, sporadically getting updates on the mine reinforcements and spells of assistance from his men.

But otherwise, you got along well. Bucky was truly learning the farm chores and operations, catching on quicker than you had anticipated. He only ran the tractor into one ditch and his boots hadn’t gotten stuck in mud at all. Now you were helping, or at least trying to help, him reach mastery in what you thought he would’ve caught onto easily: barking orders.

The two of you were out in the pasture, as you finally taught him how to use your sheep and cattle dogs. Sure, they were practically self-sufficient, but sneaky little things sometimes with their own agendas. Bucky, in an attempt to boast about all the independent work he had done the previous week, revealed himself for the actual issues he had experienced with them, obviously not unbeknownst to you.

After a long day of running around and nearly a week since hearing anything from Cole, you and Bucky were spent, walking back up to your house to have a nice night in, just sitting on the porch and enjoying the peace. As you got closer, though, you could hardly make out a small brown blob waiting there next to one of the posts. Was it a package? You hadn’t ordered any new equipment lately….and then it moved.

You threw an arm out in front of Bucky, both of you stopping stark in your tracks.

“Wait. Hold on. You see that?”

Bucky grabbed your arm close to his chest when you stopped, leaning over it and squinting until it became clear. What was that doing on your porch?

The two of you cautiously kept walking towards it, finally deciphering what you were looking at: a brown, fluffy, baby… highland cow?

You could hear it moo more and more the closer you got, eventually seeing it tied to one of the porch posts with a rope and a ribbon around its neck: both Turner’s blue.

You walked up to the calf cautiously, holding out a hand and cooing at it to ease its evidently nervous state.

“Shhh, shhhh, hey there little thing. What are you doing up here?” Sure, you owned a plethora of livestock, but none of these. This was, for lack of a better term, a house cow. Something Decks had begged you to get for years, but you never had the need or the time for.

You pet the tuft of hair on top of its head as you squatted down, grabbing the piece of card stock attached to the ribbon before looking up over your shoulder at Bucky. You could already see the anger rising in his eyes and seeping through the rest of his demeanor, fists clenched and body rigid as he nodded for you to read.

“Peach, take a taste of what success could be. Here, have a cow. -Cole. P.S. all in good faith”

Oh, Bucky was gonna have a cow, alright. You rolled your eyes at another ridiculous note. This was very evidently not a dairy cow from his stock, so you weren’t sure why Cole was trying to pull one over on you by claiming it was. And he didn’t even leave it with any feed or water for who knows how long it had been there up until this point. The main question was: why didn’t Bucky’s men intercept? You guessed they were probably under specific instructions not to, as to keep a low profile.

When you looked back up at him, Bucky was already on the phone. Even before you had gotten to the porch, he had sent a message to Peter to check the cams and make sure no one had lingered on the property after the delivery. This new development instantly put him on high alert.

He held the phone to his ear now, though, as it rang only twice before you heard someone on the other side pick up. “Hey Barber, I know you’re busy with that other stuff I sent you, but what do you know about corporate gifting policies?”

Meanwhile, you had untied the poor baby from the post and scooped it up, carrying it inside and to the kitchen while Bucky slumped into the couch. You gave the calf—at least it was a girl capable of producing milk and not a boy-which you definitely would’ve roasted Cole for—some water before taking her over to the couch and setting her down next to Bucky. You ran your knuckles against his temple in a soothing stroke before petting through his hair and giving him a kiss on his hairline. When you pulled away, thumb moving to stroke his cheek, you mouthed ‘it’ll be okay,’ only seeing his jaw unclench slightly at the reassurance. You moved to sit on the couch on the other side of the calf and criss-crossed your legs, petting her and listening to Bucky’s lawyer walking him through corporate gifting laws, now on speaker.

Next >

Bonus A/N: highland cows are so cute. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been sent a video of one getting a little spa day🥰

Series Taglist: @scuzmunkie @openup-yourmind @vicmc624 @hawkeyes-queen @blackhawkfanatic @morgthemagpie @buckybarnessimpp @calwitch

[skzoologist]

Will you stay?

word count: ~1.8k

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort

summary: Old wounds are torn open, but Bae has someone by his side, always.

a/n: I am not back yet, I won't pretend I am. But I can offer this short fic, if anything.

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in! Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!I don't condone anyone stealing my work and posting it anywhere without my permission, or feeding it to AI!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

·͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙·͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙

·͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙·͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙

Bae didn’t know what to feel.

In one moment he was just having a relatively good time, joking around with the others and watching as Minho was once again chasing around Hyunjin for whatever the weasel had said. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for them, the group loud and energetic even when they weren’t in front of the cameras. And he truly enjoyed that, even if he was the black sheep amongst them, with how quiet he usually was.

But then the next thing he knew, his sight grew slightly blurry, the softest of tremors running through his hands. He was holding his phone, feeling it vibrate in his pocket. So naturally, he fished it out of there, not wanting to miss out on anything possibly important.

The first row of the message in itself was enough to make his breath stop, even though it was only a few words that popped up in the notification.

Glancing around, he saw that everyone else was busy, nobody paying him any mind, thankfully. Bae was also glad that he’d decided to sit alone this time, not squished between two of his bandmates on the sofa. He loved them, he truly did, but because of their closely-knit friendship he knew that they would immediately notice if anything was off with him.

Thus, he unlocked his phone and opened the message with a simple flick of his thumb, eyes quickly reading over the several, long rows of words. With each sentence a weight was added onto Bae’s shoulders, his chest constricting painfully.

Why would he get this? And why now?

It had been long months since he had heard from the person who had sent him this message, someone who Bae had called a good friend of his in the past. The two had hit it off back when they had been trainees, finding solace in sharing their hardships and helping the other grow their skills. Friendly chatter had flowed easily between them whenever they’d met, so much so that Chan and the others constantly teased them of being long lost soulmates, even if only platonically.

And Bae would have agreed back then.

But suddenly, that connection started suffering, becoming strained between the two. It was inevitable to a certain extent, since his friend had failed to stay by Bae’s side, leaving the company and chasing after another dream. Still, they kept in touch, telling stories to each other over text or at a rare café visit. And while there had been a slight rift forming between the two friends, it was still easy to jump over, something Bae had tried to fix.

It was all useless, in the end.

That rift had merely grown in size, so much so that fixing it felt like throwing down buckets of water into the endless stomach of the abyss. It was greedy, swallowing up everything, no matter what he’d tried. Every text had only gotten a dry response, the conversations dying out quicker and quicker with each attempt.

And after a while, Bae had stopped.

It felt useless, chasing after somebody who didn’t even slow down so he could catch up. But Bae came to peace with it. It hurt, yes, seeing those ghost conversations still sit in his phone, but people come and go. Such was the way the world worked. Besides, he had 8 boys now to always have by his side, becoming his second family.

So why?

Why was a goodbye letter blinking up at him from his screen, completely unprompted and talking as if he was the one who’d left his friend?

Why?

The air felt heavy in his lungs, each intake a little harder to perform. His hand had automatically shut the device off it held, knowing that if he hadn’t placed it down, he would look even more obvious to the others. It was hard as it is to hide the tremors running through his body, memories he’d buried long ago resurfacing and tearing open old wounds. Those things happened long ago, each and every single one something he had tried his best to forget and never relive. It had already taken him so much effort to reach where he was these days, to not question every little thing, to believe in others and their words.

Yet everything felt like it was crumbling down, years worth of effort just turning into dust, mocking him to rebuild it all again.

He wasn’t sure he had it in himself to do so.

By the time he’d snapped back to reality, Felix was by his side, concern clearly written on the young boy’s face. Bae didn’t hesitate to plaster on a smile, hoping he would buy the fakeness of it.

“I’m fine Felix, don’t worry. Guess ‘m just a little tired from today’s practice.” - he muttered out, flashing a smile at the boy’s direction before standing up, excusing himself.

He couldn’t bear to be there anymore.

Not when those loathed voices were coming back, making him question if they would eventually leave him too, just like everyone else had done so in the past. Would they find him boring after a while, once his cold facade broke away, his loving yet scared self finally revealed to them?

He didn’t want to think about it.

The door closed with a soft click behind him, the lock shifting in place to ensure his solitude. A deep sigh left his chest as he leaned against the door, too exhausted to try and keep those loathsome thoughts at bay anymore. He didn’t have the energy for it, not when his limbs ached and joints screamed, not when his mind was already filled with worries about their next project and comeback.

This one thing was the last drop to break him, his body shaking as tears rolled down his cheeks, staining his clothes and skin. He was usually strong, always there to provide comfort for the others, but tonight, it felt impossible. As if a weight was crushing his whole existence, not allowing him to continue on his path, binding him in place like a chain secured to the depths of the ocean.

All he could do now was to sit there, face buried in his knees, hands tightly wrapped around his shaking form. A hiccup escaped through his lips, loud in the silence of his room. He tried his best to not let any sound escape him, to ride these emotions out alone, not wishing to disturb anyone, but it was useless. He could only pray that no one had heard him, that none of the boys chased after him.

His prayers were left unheard as a soft knock echoed through the space, the vibrations running down Bae’s back. He stilled, unable to even breathe from the shock, only hearing the shifting of clothes besides the loud drumming of his heart.

A few beats of silence passed before a sigh could be heard, yet there was no frustration behind it.

“Dal, baby, I know you’re in there. I can hear you. Please let me in, it hurts to know you’re hurting.” - pleaded Chan, voice so soft Bae couldn’t believe the man was talking to him.

No reply could be heard as Bae’s silent tears continued, shocking him when a loud thump could be felt from behind, the door gently rattling in place once.

“You don’t need to tell me what happened, or what’s wrong, just… know that I’m here, yeah? I’m always here if you need me, always have been. Or so I’d like to believe.” - Chan chuckled, his voice turning into a hushed whisper near the end.

Bae slowly wiped at his eyes, a soft sniffle letting Chan know the boy was still awake and listening.

“You know, I’ve always admired you. Even when we were just young trainees, hardly knowing each other. If someone had a hard day you tried your best to put your differences aside and lended them a shoulder. Even me, no matter how hard I was on you in our training.” - a soft sigh could be heard, one filled with mirth and memories.

Bae remembered those days clearly, being one of the first ones to join the group. He was standoffish and cold, often getting into arguments thanks to that. But at the end of the day, Chan always stuck to him, adamantly chipping away at the walls he had built up.

“I know you might not believe me, especially with how stubborn you are, but we care about you. We all do, me included. Your pain is our pain. And knowing that you’re on the other side of this door, suffering, it pains me. Please, Moonlight, let me in. I can’t bear to hear you cry any longer…” - the elder’s voice cracked at the end, filled to the brim with emotion and hurt.

Clothes shifted and the lock clicked, their leader not hesitating to tear the door open and scoop Bae into his arms. The younger clung to him desperately, hands looped around Chan’s neck, face buried in his chest. The waterworks never really stopped, silently flowing even while the older had been speaking.

The door slowly clicked shut, the two now laid on the soft sea of blankets and pillows.

For a while, Bae just laid there in Chan’s embrace, hiding away from the entire world in his hyung’s steady hold and gentle touches that nearly lulled him to sleep with each stroke over his hair and skin. But he couldn’t sleep, not yet, not when doubts continued plaquing his mind constantly, feeding his fears until they grew impossibly large.

A question left his lips, so quiet that not even Chan could make sense of it.

“What was it, baby? Could you repeat that for me?” - he asked, gently drawing Bae’s face away from his neck to look at him.

“You… you won’t leave me, right?”

Nothing could have prepared Chan for that question, his eyes widening in pure shock and disbelief.

It only took a second longer for his own eyes to water, those warm nebulas looking at Bae with such emotion that it nearly broke the boy.

“Of course not. I’m here to stay, now and forever.”

The two fell asleep in each others’ hold, Chan curled up around Bae as if he was trying to shield the boy from the entire world itself. And for once, Bae let himself be held, desperately clinging onto the other, as if he would disappear in the blink of an eye without any prior notice.

[drdemonprince]

Resentment is a feeling of demotivation and perhaps sluggishness, but it typically comes with a strong cognitive component: when you are feeling resentment, you will think negatively about the people who made a demand of you, begin arguing with yourself about whether or not you should follow through with the demand, and will likely begin fantasizing about ways to make the demand stop. This emotion typically has elements of dread and anger built into it, though if you are not comfortable acknowledging your negative emotions, you might not realize it yet.  When a person pushes through feelings of resentment, they won’t feel relief or any sense of personal benefit. Even after the resentment-inducing experience is over, they’ll continue to feel bad, perhaps even wronged or “dirty.” Performing a resented activity multiple times also won’t make it any easier. In contrast to simple social anxiety, resentment only builds and intensifies upon repeated exposures.  Think of the emotions you’ve felt and the thoughts you’ve had during your commute to the absolute worst job of your life. That’s resentment.  As much as is practically possible, you want to avoid putting yourself in situations that provoke the emotion of resentment. And when you do find yourself feeling resentful toward another person or a situation that you’ve landed in, you should practice articulating yourself and building an escape route out.  There are a variety of interpersonal, emotional, and psychological benefits to trusting our feelings of resentment, particularly if we have a history of acquiescing to every request made of us and permitting others to broach our boundaries. 

Avoid Overbooking Yourself Anxious people and people who fawn tend to over-extend themselves to an extreme degree. Because they fear angering or disappointing anyone close to them, they wind up taking on a whole host of obligations that they really can’t hold, and the stress of keeping up with everything spills over into their pre-existing sense that they’re forever on the brink of getting in trouble. Social anxiety and excessive demand work together to create a feedback loop of constant apologizing, rushing around, and falling behind.  One of the best ways to break out of this cycle is to notice the obligations that you resent the most, or the periods of your life when you feel downright resentful of everyone around you needing so goddamned much. This is one of the most overt possible signs that you need to pump the breaks, and it comes with the easiest fix: find some plans to cancel or say no to. 

Don’t Convince Yourself to Say Yes A surefire sign that you are crossing your own boundaries and taking on an obligation that you resent is when you notice yourself constantly looking for a reason why you have to do what another person wants you to do. If you keep having to remind yourself of how nice someone really is deep down, or a kind thing they did for you years ago, or telling yourself that you’ve already said yes to a request, and so you must follow through with it, you’re trying to repress dread and resentment at your own peril. 

Do What You Want Without Apologizing/Convincing Many neurodivergent people who find boundary-setting challenging believe that they must perfectly articulate their limits to others, and convince other people that they have a right to their boundaries. But this assumption still hinges on seeking the approval of external parties and attending to their emotional reactions more than the feelings you’re having yourself. While communicating directly about your feelings and needs has many benefits, there are situations where your behavior will send the clearest message. Remember: boundaries are a thing you do, not something you can convince others to respect. If you experience a ton of unresolved resentment, it may be because you’re behaving passively and expecting others to maintain your boundaries for you. But you can break this pattern by doing what you want and need to do, and letting others sort their own reactions to that out.

I wrote a whole guide on neurodivergent people can learn to listen to and honor their feelings of resentment. It's free to read (or have narrated to you!) on Substack right here.

[velvetvexations]

the "discourse" around detrans is so exhausting. i fully support that everyone has the right to do anything they want to their body including making mistakes. i don't see a fundamental difference between transition regret and regretting pregnancy and yet there is so much more compassion [from certain types] for pregnancy regret. both permanently alter ones body and life. i don't get the disconnect. at the same time, i've been increasing my time spent on transition focused subreddits and as a result reddit has been forcing the detrans subreddit into my face [which is sus...] and so i keep seeing so much blatant transphobia from detransitioners, and it's just so tiresome. you made these decisions. you made these mistakes. i'm sorry that you're uncomfortable with your body. the fervor with which some of these people blame trans women specifically ["aggressive trans identified males" fucking ew] and call transness a cult is so concerning and it's definitely damaging my ability to be neutral about detransition. i'll never stop believing that everyone has the right to do whatever they want to their own body. do they have to be so fucking vile about it? such pathetic losers who give up all semblance of their own autonomy to duck responsibility for their own bodies and lives? i know not all detransitioners behave this way, I've just been aggravated by how much i've been seeing this lately, and it's made me understand how certain types of insecure trans people become so aggressively hateful about detransition. everyone is blaming the tree for the forest fire, essentially.

It's partially a feedback loop. If we were kinder towards detrans people in the first place and helped them land softly, at least fewer of them would be driven directly into the arms of people who given an illusion of comfort while wanting to weaponize them.

[y2ksnowglobe]

*adjusts my tie* I would like to submit to the jury two Glenn and Nick interactions that keep me up at night.

Like, not to sound like Darryl about finally seeing some real parenting (because Darryl does say that immediately after this) but just...I feel like there's something cool happening here. Like Glenn expressing this idea that different people have different comfort levels with certain things and that Nick should be cognizant of that. Like, he doesn't tell him that swearing is bad, but that there's contexts where he should avoid it. And Nick is fairly receptive to this feedback, like he slips up and corrects himself later in the episode without Glenn having to say anything, and that really seems to indicate that this is not an uncommon type of thing to have happen between these two?

Like, I think about Glenn being pretty aware that like 80 to 90% of his rockstar persona isn't real. Like there's that one Dad Fact about the most damage Glenn having done to a hotel room was stealing a $15 dollar wine uncorker. I think Glenn is aware that Nick maybe is trying to emulate that persona a bit too much without realizing that actually behaving that way has like...consequences?

Okay, so thing two:

Like...if it was just the f-bomb comment, I probably wouldn't have latched onto this idea so much but just...Glenn didn't have to turn this into a teachable moment about accepting that sometimes people are going to ask you to do things you don't understand and it's easier to just roll with it.

Like, they're both small moments, but I think that adds to their importance in a way. Because there's no grand reaction to them, we can pretty much infer that these are the kinds of things Glenn says to Nick pretty frequently, and based on Nick's reaction, we can see that Nick respects the feedback (compare to the reactions we get of Lark and Sparrow when Henry tries to convince them of just about anything).

It breaks my heart, because in these two beats, I see a Glenn who could have actually been a really good dad if he let himself be good. I don't know if Glenn even realizes how notable these moments are. Like Glenn mentioning that Nick says everyone vapes in episode 18, in conjunction with these moments, just feels like Glenn had tried to talk to Nick about vaping, Nick bluffed him by saying everyone does it, and Glenn didn't feel like rocking the boat with more conflict, but I think Glenn doesn't realize that he probably could have pushed harder on that and had things be okay.

[hpowellsmith]

Hi Harris. How do you deal with negative reviews or comments? I have just started but I'm scared, I take such things so personally.

I'm sorry to hear you're anxious about this, but I totally understand and relate, and I'm sure every other writer does too so you're very much not alone!

I try not to seek out negative reviews and commentary, especially when I've only just released a game. Just after launch is the time when I feel most worried and vulnerable and it's also the time when I can't do much about it. Earlier, and I can make decisions about whether I want to take it into account for that game. Later, when making something new, I can think about whether I want to consider it for the next project. But that time when I'm the most stressed is also the least useful!

One category of commentary, I'm very comfortable ignoring wholesale. People have sent me, or I've seen, comments about my games that are sexist, racist, homophobic, acephobic, transphobic... I'm happy throwing it in the trash without another thought.

Sometimes, negative commentary boils down to "I wanted this to be a different game" or "why did this character not behave in a way I think would be better" or similar. Sometimes this can be helpful information (eg a character suddenly being flippant and humorous feeling out of place with their dour personality), but sometimes I just need to shrug and go "what can you do?" because sometimes expectations don't match up.

Some negative commentary can be learned from. That one can be more complicated because people don't always phrase that politely, the way that my lovely playtesters do! But it can have a grain or more of truth. So I sometimes need to wait a couple of hours for my defensiveness to fade and then swallow my pride and revisit it with a fresh mind.

With more experience, I've also gained a better sense of what people may not like. These days, it feels clearer when making decisions about going ahead - or not - with something I think people won't like, or something I've had negative feedback about. So, if people don't like an element in one of my games, it generally comes as less of a surprise, and is therefore less stressful.

As I've made more projects, I still get nervous - like I say, everyone does. But I've become more used to sifting through to find what's useful within negative reviews, commentary, and feedback and not bothering with the rest.

I hope some of that is helpful! I know it's hard not to take things personally; I've done so myself before, and I know how you feel. But I hope you do keep writing.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Aurora, Pt. 9

Inside the simulation, Sheppard has located the ship's Captain seemingly inside his own private quarters. Whether he had just happened to land on him, had been searching various places before finding him or had been drawn to the Captain through that magnetic pull between the Ancients is unclear. Startled by Sheppard, the Captain seems ready to call for help but like the guard, he seems to get some kind of a feel regarding Sheppard that at least makes him want to trust him.

Sheppard: Hi! Me again. Wait, wait, please, just... listen. I'm not here to hurt anyone.

The reason that people want to trust Sheppard is not just his charming personality, as he has very obviously received training in psychological warfare, in manipulating people to get them to behave the way that he wants or needs them to behave. Here Sheppard shows the Captain his open palms, which is meant to convince the target of the fact that he is not concealing a weapon, which is made amusing by the fact that he actually is holding a weapon. Only, the Ancient popsicle is so unfamiliar to him that it does not even register as a weapon, and hence it takes him a beat to realize that showing the Captain that he is not carrying a weapon while brandishing a weapon is counterproductive. And so he puts the weapon away, slowly approaching the man while displaying his empty palms like he would a wild animal. He emphasizes his message of being nonthreatening with his words and tone matching his gestures. Even his facial expressions are designed to put the target at ease, to establish a friendly rapport.

Also, let us note the fact that Sheppard is approaching the Captain where he likely could have said what he was going to say from where he was standing. Getting closer probably would have made convincing the Captain easier if he managed to make him feel comfortable in his presence, but this is also a case of Sheppard being physically pulled toward an Ancient. He may not realize what he is doing, he may not be doing it out of any conscious choice on his part, but he definitely feels the need to approach this man just as he had approached the man that had first caught him.

Sheppard: I want to help you. Help all of us. I know all this sounds strange but just give me a chance to prove that what I'm saying--

Where the Captain is at least curious enough to listen to Sheppard without calling for help, the wraith takes him out before he has a chance of convincing him of anything. We do not know what kind of training the or members of the Ancient military may have had in human (or Ancient) behaviour, but it is possible that the Captain was convinced more by what ever neural feedback he was getting from Sheppard, his vibes. He even tells his First Officer, "What if he is telling the truth? Do you not sense it too? That something is wrong?" There is a psychic component to how the Ancients interact with each other, and the Captain was feeling something about Sheppard.

Sheppard is zapped unconscious by the wraith using the Ancient popsicle, and he is carried away by two guards. Neither of these men are the young guard that Sheppard had left in the brig, and given that the wraith tells the Captain that Sheppard had only just escaped (and apparently had made his way directly to the Captain, just knowing where he would be), the young guard was probably still locked away. What is interesting is that there is a mirror behind the Captain and we can see both Sheppard and the wraith's reflections in it. One might expect to see the wraith in the reflection but we do not, the mirror image is that of the First Officer, even though by her evil smirk we are able to tell by now that this woman has to be a space vampire in disguise. What it tells us is that the wraith has near complete control of the simulation.

Back in the real world, what ever software McKay was running to monitor Sheppard's vitals alerts him immediately to the fact that Sheppard has shifted into a deeper state of sleep, him being rendered unconscious in the virtual environment manifesting in a shift in his brain wave patterns. The reason why McKay is able to catch on so quickly is that he was monitoring Sheppard's brain waves while they were standing there. McKay does not know what the change means but he is immediately concerned because any change is not good.

Teyla: What is wrong? McKay: Delta waves? Dex: What are they? Caldwell: Doctor McKay? Are you ready to be beamed aboard? McKay: It hasn't even been five minutes! Teyla: Doctor McKay has discovered a problem. Caldwell: What kind of a problem?

It is interesting that while McKay is triggered by the data, Teyla pings that something is wrong from McKay's expression, reading him just as expertly as McKay reads the computer read-out. And like we have seen her do many times with Sheppard, she picks up explaining the situation to Caldwell as it seems that McKay is in the kind of zone that makes it difficult to engage in civil communication and he answers Caldwell's questions just by snapping at him. But it is interesting that McKay makes a reference to the passage of time and his sense of how much time has passed because we have seen that dissociation makes his sense of time distorted. We cannot be sure if his approximation of only five minutes having passed is correct or not, but Caldwell certainly seems to feel like they have had more than enough time to sort out what ever they needed to get Sheppard out of the pod.

McKay: Colonel Sheppard's EEG frequencies are decreasing. I'm reading delta waves which indicate that he's unconscious within the virtual environment. I'm not sure how it happened but something's definitely wrong in there. Caldwell: Even more reason to pull him out. McKay: That would be a mistake. Look, additional data I've been able to decipher from the wraith's biometrics receiver shows significant manipulation of the feedback loop, something we were clearly not aware of when Sheppard went in. Caldwell: We were also clearly not aware of the two wraith cruisers approaching.

McKay is clearly frustrated having to explain things when he should be doing things, but it is testament to Sheppard having trained him to explain things to him in a way that he can understand that McKay is actually doing that here. He is taking the time to explain what the problem is and what his assessment of the situation is.

Also note his use of the word "Look" here. We have seen Sheppard physically react to hearing this word and it may be caused by situations such as this, of McKay using it when he is explaining something, the explaining often happening in tense and time-sensitive situations. Hearing the word in such contexts would cause a Pavlovian reaction, as mentioned by McKay at the beginning of the episode, of Sheppard reacting physically to hearing the word. It triggers him into paying attention to what ever follows it. It also underscores the importance of exchanging looks in their communication. Whether he does it consciously or not, by saying the word "Look" McKay is asking Sheppard to look at him while he is explaining something, to focus on him so that he can ascertain by the look on Sheppard's face whether his explanation is sinking in.

McKay: Colonel, this wraith is controlling the program which means it might have booby-trapped it as well. We're talking about Sheppard's life here. Caldwell: And I'm talking about the lives of not only every person aboard this ship but every person in Atlantis when the wraith find out it wasn't destroyed.

McKay is presented with a clear dilemma here. Sheppard's life versus the lives of everyone on the Daedalus and in Atlantis. Caldwell has laid out the stakes for him in no uncertain terms. And while keeping Atlantis, his home, safe is extremely important to McKay, it should come as no surprise what his choice is. At the end of the day, Atlantis is a place. It is Sheppard that has made it home for him. It is Sheppard that is his home. And the thing is, as Sheppard points out by the end of the season, McKay works extremely well under pressure. It is possibly the result of his childhood environment, of having used homework and chores to escape the tense atmosphere created by his parents who hated each other and blamed him, but as long as he has something to do, as long as he has something to occupy himself with, McKay is not paralyzed by a ticking clock. Caldwell has given him a deadline, and he is going to use that time to do what has to be done.

Caldwell: I'm well aware of what's at stake here, Doctor. Get him out of that pod, or my men will. Caldwell out. McKay: I'm going in! Look, stall Caldwell, buy me some time, just a few minutes at the most. Teyla: What if you are unable to disconnect? Dex: Caldwell's gonna blow that ship whether you're in there or not.

When McKay had told Sheppard that he should be able to disconnect him without permanent brain damage, he had mostly been joking. But he had meant that he would do everything in his power to make sure that Sheppard would come out of the experience unscathed. He had been keeping a keen eye on Sheppard's vitals the whole time because he was concerned for his safety and well-being. And here Caldwell had threatened to send his men to forcefully disconnect Sheppard without any of them having any idea what that would do to him. Caldwell was asking him to choose between Sheppard's mind and the people of Atlantis.

McKay thinks about it for only a beat and decides that his own life if the cheapest commodity here. Teyla had asked earlier which would be the greater loss, himself or Sheppard. And McKay had made it sound like he thought it was Sheppard, obviously. He should go. Only, he had not meant it then and he certainly had never thought that Sheppard's life was worth less than his own, very much to the contrary. Risking his own life to save Sheppard was as easy as breathing. This was why he had allowed Sheppard to go under in the first place, that he might be able to fix what ever might go wrong from the outside. And so he looks around for a vacant pod, quickly devising a plan of how he might be able to help Sheppard from the inside.

McKay: You see, the thing is, Colonel Sheppard and I have sort of gotten into this habit of saving each other's lives, and it's my turn. It could be your turn next.

Because both Teyla and Ronon are looking over his shoulder, clearly concerned, McKay feels the need to give them an explanation. Despite the impression that both of them may have gotten earlier when he was playing 4D chess by letting Sheppard to go under, McKay both values Sheppard's life more than his own, he also considers his own life cheap currency to start with. He does not value his own life, and Weir had to remind him of how important his life is to everyone on Atlantis at the end of Trinity (S02E06) because McKay, due to his poor self-esteem, just does not understand his worth. But even if he did, Sheppard would still be worth more to him because Sheppard is the most important person in his life. Sheppard is the love of his life. Sheppard is his life. Obviously he is going to go in to save him.

But that is not something that he can tell them, and certainly cannot let Caldwell in on this fact. So he comes up with a plausible reason. They have gotten into the "habit of saving each other's lives." And certainly they have done that a lot. Where Ronon is new to the team and has not observed them do that a lot, Teyla has been observing them much longer. But even she is not privy to the extent that they have been saving each other's lives. In the early days, they were often saving the lives of everyone on Atlantis and each other besides. But it had evolved to them saving each other in particular by the Genii Siege (The Eye S01E11, where Weir and McKay were pretty much the only people on Atlantis at the time when Sheppard decided to kill a whole lot of people to save them) and The Defiant One (S01E12), when McKay and Sheppard had been the only people on the whole planet and had both risked their own lives to protect the other.

They had saved each other's lives so much that they had lost count, and it was not important anyway. Love is not a reciprocal relationship, it is a contest on who gets to do more for the other person. And it was not just that they were willing to risk their own lives to save the other, both of them would be willing to risk a whole lot more lives than just their own to save the other man to the point where both of them were willing to sacrifice literally every other human life to save the other in The Last Man (S04E20). They both did that. McKay erased his whole timeline and Sheppard was willing to let the human race go extinct.

Realizing that his desperation to get in to save Sheppard, the ease with which he was willing to jump from the frying pan right into the fire, was probably beginning to look real suspicious to people that they were supposed to be hiding their feelings for the other from, he tacks on the "might be your turn next" at the end. Like it was the result of good old team spirit that he was doing this for. And for sure, he did care about his team members and would go to all manner of lengths to save them too. But that was not what this was about. He just was not allowed to tell them what this was really about.

McKay: Look, hit this to manually disconnect me. If I do not regain consciousness, go ahead and open Colonel Sheppard's pod. Have us beamed directly to Daedalus, and make sure they have a medical team waiting.

It is obvious that McKay is afraid, but being afraid had never stopped him from being brave. Note again that as McKay is giving Teyla instructions, trying to be as clear about them as possible, he begins by telling her to "Look," using this word to make her focus on what is important. And what is most important to him is Sheppard, which is why he tells her what to do with him first. The first thing they need to do is to make sure that Sheppard gets beamed out of the ship before Caldwell blows them up. He, the genius that is vital to the running of Atlantis, is not only willing to sacrifice his life but to weather actual brain damage to get Sheppard out of there. He is not doing this for a friend. He is not looking at her with this pleading desperation because he wants to save his team leader. It takes actual effort to not see this for what it is.

Teyla: Are you sure you wanna do this? McKay: I'm sure I don't! OK.

McKay sounds like he is close to hyperventilating as he lays himself down on the platform, his voice clearly trembling from fear. He is also honest in admitting to Teyla that he really does not want to be doing this. The fact that this is so difficult for him just emphasizes the importance he puts on Sheppard's life. Ronon looks away, clearly thinking about something as McKay prepares to go under and where he obviously respects what McKay is doing, it is never entirely clear what he thinks about McKay's relationship to Sheppard. He also does not like the fact that he is not able to protect neither Sheppard nor McKay when they are under.

McKay: Alright. There's more than enough air in there. Right. Course there is. Crew's been sealed inside these things for thousands of years. Teyla: Are you alright? McKay: Yeah, it's just my claustrophobia. I'll be fine.

McKay confesses to suffering from claustrophobia, the fear of enclosed spaces. One of the known causes of claustrophobia is a traumatic childhood experience, and may in fact result from repeated exposure to something like a child being shut into a pitch-black room unable find the door or the light-switch, being locked in a closet as a means of punishment, or being neglected by being left alone in their parents' car. Given what McKay has exposed about his childhood environment, any number of experiences such as these may have resulted in him developing claustrophobia.

But what is interesting is that this is not the first time that we see him enclosed in a tight space where there is a chance of air running out. We saw him concerned with the availability of air in The Siege (S01E19) in his space suit, where he actually explicitly confessed to having claustrophobia, and in The Intruder (S02E02), locked in the cockpit of a fighter-interceptor with Sheppard. In the former case, Peter Grodin was able to walk McKay through the experience by soothing him, telling him he was going to be fine. In the latter case, Sheppard had told McKay that they might conserve the air by McKay not talking. At all. And with this, Sheppard had been able to trigger McKay's indignation, clearly displayed in how he folded his arms and started sulking. In fact, this may have been a conscious strategy by Sheppard for getting McKay's thoughts away from the closed space and the air running out to being miffed with him instead.

Both Sheppard and Grodin had been able to hack McKay's brain into making him feel better in a situation that was clearly causing him anxiety, and it is entirely likely that Sheppard knows about McKay's fear of being confined in a small space feeling like air is going to run out. Their strategies were different but Sheppard's was the more efficient one, diverting McKay's thoughts away from the experience. Annoyed with Sheppard, McKay had spared not a single thought to air running out and being confined in a small space. Here, as he tries to convince himself that there is more than enough air in the pods, he might also be trying to summon his internal Sheppard to give him more courage for the experience.

McKay: I hope. Now, the system should engage once you send me in. Teyla: Alright. McKay: Right. So, send me in? Teyla: Oh! Yes! Good luck. McKay: Right.

McKay and Teyla's exchange here just before McKay goes under can be contrasted with McKay and Sheppard earlier, the difference emphasizing the ease with which Sheppard and McKay communicate. Here, McKay expected Teyla to get that he wanted her to send him in by saying the words "once you send me in," but she was clearly waiting for some kind of a command or order from him to press go. McKay's exchange with Sheppard had been much more succinct:

McKay: Ready? Sheppard: I was! McKay: Good!

Also, note that there was no wishing of luck or anything that might be interpreted as a good-bye in their exchange because they have that on-going conversation and they never really leave each other, they just temporarily vacate each other's presence. In fact, the moment Sheppard came out from the pod, they picked up their conversation with:

McKay: So? Sheppard: Worked! McKay: Well course it worked!

All of this just emphasizes the ease of their communication, as well as the way they "talk as only a husband and wife can talk, that is, apprehending one another's thoughts and exchanging ideas with extraordinary swiftness and perspicuity, contrary to all the rules of logic, without the aid of premises, deductions, or conclusions, and in a quite singular way," as the communication between Pierre and Natasha is described in War and Peace. Teyla and McKay are close, they have worked with each other on the daily for over a year and live in each others' pockets. They are friends and colleagues. And yet their communication is completely different from the way Sheppard and McKay communicate. Here, Teyla and McKay finish their exchange as McKay goes under. Sheppard and McKay never finish their exchange.

Continued in Pt. 10

[serpentface]

34 & 43 for the Feelings Triangle🔺️💔

[ask meme]

Does your OC yell or scream during arguments? Or do they become quiet and withdrawn?

Janeys: already mentioned in this ask meme cycle but he's a yeller and will usually try to win arguments by being the loudest person in the room. Usually doesn't jump to shouting immediately but he'll get there if it goes on long enough. He's liable to scream/start crying if he's really upset. He's got serious issues with emotional regulation so it gets pretty ugly.

Hibrides: She usually tries to behave as unbothered and collected as possible, like she's not even mad. She'll do her best to just keep her voice level and talk in concise and small sentences. In some cases this is just kind of shutting down but trying to at least keep it together, in other cases this is more intentionally trying to make the other person look bad by comparison. This doesn't always work and if she's simultaneously very upset + has some confidence in the situation she will start yelling without really realizing it, and once she's started it's hard to stop.

Brakul: Does the opposite where he becomes very withdrawn and will get more quiet the more upset he is. Sometimes this is him giving the silent treatment/trying to make the other person feel guilty by acting all meek and injured, other times it's him being Very angry, and other times its genuinely an attempt to deescalate or not knowing what to say. It is very hard to tell which is which. On rare occasions where he's Extremely angry he'll very abruptly snap and start shouting and it's kind of scary.

Brakul's silent treatment thing really pisses Hibrides off and it's one of the things that most easily prompts her into yelling. It often 'works' better on Janeys because he doesn't really know how to respond to it and is liable to rapidly cycle through stages of anger and/or distress until emotional collapse and wanting to be comforted (thus ending the argument. yay)

Arguments between Janeys and Hibrides tend to follow the pattern of him raising his voice and her keeping up the unbothered demeanor, but if she loses her volume control it can become a feedback loop of yelling until they're both shouting at each other from the top of their lungs.

How often does your OC add new words to their vocabulary? Do they hungrily pick up new terms and words? Or do they struggle to remember such things?

Janeys: is bilingual (native Wardi speaker and fluent in Seaway Burri, also has a very good reading + decent listening comprehension of High Burri), though this is more the result of it being a facet of his education than any personal proclivities. He really Wants to have a wide vocabulary and broad linguistic knowledge (culturally valued in general for educated men and would have been useful for his intended line of work) but is kind of a slow learner and bad at memorization. He only tends to pick up new vocabulary with repeated longterm exposure or by making a considerable effort.

Hibrides: is the only one of them who is not bi/multilingual. She operates from a subconscious perception that the place she's in/the language she speaks is The Best There Is, and that she's very well educated so knows all she Needs to know in terms of vocabulary. She's also had the typical degree of domestic isolation for female nobility, so hasn't had much close interaction with peasant class commoners and their dialects (much less other languages spoken here, with the near-exclusive exception of Brakul). She's curious about the ways other people live but not enough to have a ready interest in adopting vocabulary outside of her immediate sphere, so it happens very slowly and irregularly.

Brakul: is the only one Actively in the process of learning an additional language (in the present day he can be considered mostly fluent in spoken Wardi but is not fully literate). He's kind of Has to be ready to absorb new vocabulary by necessity, and he's fairly good at it. He's got a knack for rapidly picking up words themselves and is quick to integrate them into his speech (only tends to struggle more with complexities of tone/register/conjugation). This isn't his first time learning wholly unfamiliar words (he knows a couple forms of Chenahyeig besides his native West Rivers dialect, which are not Fully mutually comprehensible) but it's a substantially more complicated process given Wardi is from a wholly separate language family (albeit with some mutual influence). He runs into a lot of frustration finding some words/concepts he considers to be pretty basic or important not being readily translatable in Wardi, so a lot of the time he's like actively Looking to encounter just the right word. Picks up a lot of really uncommon words that way.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Okay, i don't know if I need to ask a blog specifically for writing mental health, but here goes nothing.

One of my main characters is mentally ill (Bipolar, OCD, and Anxiety), and their girlfriend wants to help her partner through their mental health struggles. How do I write a person being supportive to their partner with their mental health, without falling into the "love cures you of mental illness" lie?

Illustrating Support vs Trying to Cure

I do think it's worth reaching out to a blog specific to writing mental health if you can find one, but I will say there's a difference between being supportive and trying to cure someone. And I think on the surface, that's really the key... doing the research to learn what support looks like (specific to providing support to a loved one living with a mental illness) so you can illustrate supportive behaviors versus corrective behaviors. For example, when I was younger and had a lot of ADHD-related meltdowns, it didn't help me when people tried to correct my behavior, telling me what I should do to correct or improve my "temper." What did help was when people learned what I needed to help me through a meltdown, such as them staying calm, not judging, giving me space, and then giving me comfort and reassurance when I was ready for it. That, for me, was support. But someone saying, "You shouldn't behave that way," though well-meant, was them trying to correct/cure me.

One thing you can do in your research is look for material that is aimed toward caregivers and loved ones of people living with a mental illness, and specifically loved ones living with Bipolar, OCD, and anxiety. This should provide specific pointers on what support looks like. You can also look for interviews with and blogs written by people living with a mental illness, as they may talk about their support systems and ways in which people support them versus ways people try to correct/cure them.

And finally, once you've written your portrayal, I strongly urge you to hire a sensitivity reader (or a few) with lived experience relevant to your portrayal, as they can help vet what you've written to make sure you've avoided falling into that "love cures you" trap.

I hope that helps!

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[deltaruminations]

Following the approach that EggMan Gaster and Goner_Maker Gaster are two different shards of the fractured whole (which i do believe), how do you think him being shattered in this manner will affect the whole conflict between him and the Angel?

GOOD QUESTION this is very interesting to think about

on a symbolic level, we could guess that Tree Man, to Gaster (or Gaster as we know him, “The Voice”), is sort of what Gaster as a whole is to the Angel (or the person acting on its behalf; i’ll just use “Angel” as shorthand for both). Like mollystars pointed out in TDT3, there's an irony or maybe hypocrisy in how Gaster seeks to free deltarune from the Angel’s narrative, while insisting on some amount of compliance to his own Prophecy. Tree Man, then, is the glitch in his game (or at least one of a number of glitches lol), an ungovernable force that encourages players to behave in ways beyond what the Prophecy prescribes. in a sense, Tree Man might be the most radical distillation of Gaster's actual values – freedom, curiosity, compassion, etc. — as well as his flaws — maybe, above all, a weak sense of boundaries. Tree Man, perhaps not unlike Gaster, may just want to help. but his presence is inherently destabilizing – change is inherently destabilizing – and even Gaster, the agent of entropy, might not be comfortable having his own internal order disrupted by an interloper he didn’t invite.

resolving Gaster’s “internal” conflict, asking him to acknowledge his blind spots or “Shadow” (encompassing, among other things, the faults in his perspective and his approach), might be a prerequisite for any meaningful intervention with the Angel, because he needs to understand why the Angel is receiving his attempts to “help” as antagonization. he has to understand how he’s making the situation worse before he can try to make it better.

it makes sense to me that meaningful intervention would start with Gaster; Gaster is the one we're closer to, and as the agent of Curiosity and Freedom, the one who's constantly inviting input and feedback, it seems reasonable to say he's the one who's more receptive to, you know, re-evaluating his beliefs based on new information lol. the main hurdle might just be getting him to see and acknowledge the information to begin with. the Angel (or whoever) is the tougher nut to crack, because its entire ethos is seemingly to resist challenge, resist feedback, resist change. the Angel’s position might be that maintaining the status quo of the story is better than risking it being made worse; or, rather, its fear of a worse story matters more to it than any belief or hope it might have for a better one. and to be fair, the Weird Route is basically the ultimate confirmation that those fears have a real basis. so how do you really “help” someone who’s that afraid? i mean, you stop doing shit that scares them even more, obviously. but then what do you do? you can’t guarantee them that it will only get better, even if you do happen to believe in that. you can’t control an uncertain future any more than they can.

maybe there’s nothing more to be done than for someone to just meet them where they’re at, in the Darkest Place, and ask them: what do you want from a better world? if i said a better world was possible, would you help me make it? if i said the world needed you, really needed you, would you believe me? would you take that responsibility? and if you make a mistake — when you make mistakes — if i said someone would be there to ride out the pain with you, and help you pick up the pieces, would you believe that, too?

of course, they’d need proof that such a person exists in order to believe it. and certainly there’s no character we can think of who by that point will likely have proven themself, if sometimes in flawed and clumsy ways, to be supernaturally determined, radically optimistic, infinitely patient, and stubbornly devoted to causes (and perhaps people) that matter to them, who also exists on the same metaphysical level as the Angel and might be capable of actually matching its power long enough to be able to talk to it. surely, no one like that, exists,

[terresdebrume]

One of the fun bits of having anxiety that's centered around like, social interactions, is that it adds another layer of difficulty to the self reflection process, imo

Not in the sense that it makes me incapable of seeing where I have flaws (at least not any more incapable of it than someone who doesn't have that issue) but more in the sense that like. I get caught up in my own fears more than is productive, I think

Like. I have this friend with whom conversation has been pretty one sided lately, or at least I feel like it's always them talking and me listening. But then again tonight they were playing in a play and when they tried to get feedback, the first thing out of my mouth was to talk about the drunk guy that sat in front of me (they found him funny, I found him scary which I guess would be its own post) which sort of halted the conversation in its tracks and looking back I'm afraid I've done that too much lately?

I mean, I don't sit there and think 'we're not gonna talk about their interest and here's how I'll achieve that' obviously, but at the same time I feel like there were (too many) conversations where my lack of interest for things we were discussing was palpable (they go to a lot of different shows, go out of their way to discover new restaurants, that kind of stuff, and meanwhile it took me literal months to invite two people over for 1 game of Catan and now I'm agonizing over the invite list for my monthly crêpes party...)

Anyway, I think/I'm afraid that I inadvertently made them feel like there's no point in trying to talk to me about anything except our students (we work at the same school) which like. Isn't what I'm going for but not something I necessarily know how to stop?

At the same time, I also noticed that I easily fall into the spiral of like 'but what if I ask and realize they've been trying to shake me off for months' (which objectively: I've heard them talk about how they try to distance from people they're not comfortable with and I haven't noticed any of that so) which is then closely followed by 'but if I ask and they do tell me I behaved in a hurtful way then I'm gonna feel bad about it and they might end up having to reassure me' which can easily go into 'shit, am I a tar pit?'

Which is, again, not productive

Idk, I guess the tldr is that when I say I'm "picky" about things I've started to realize it means I'm very judgemental about... Well a whole lot of things, is the issue, and whether that manifests into a toxic cloud or a bucket of tar it's not like. Great. But I'm not sure how to be less judgemental?

Ashagsgqgsf I guess I am once again having to grapple with the fact that I am not perfect (I wish) and that becoming better takes active efforts (unfair)(don't know how yet)

... This is a very disjointed post that would probably have been better kept to my journal but now that I've typed it all I might as well put it up. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say here so if you make sense of what you just read, congratulations I guess

[skzoologist]

Hi hi, so I wanted to say I absolutely love your account. I was the anon who sent the very first two requests, I just didn't have the courage to send a non-anon ask. Could you maybe do something on Bae at the VMAs as Skz are performing. I think it would be really cute. It's ok if not though. Again love your account it makes me so happy

Thanks, Bye-Bye 😊

word count: ~615

warnings: none, Bae just got lost, as usual

a/n: Hey-ho! So it was you who sent those absolutely adorable and fitting first asks! Thank you so much, they still mean so much to me 😭 And congrats on sending this on non-anon, but don't ever feel pressured to do so! I accept anons and non-anons equally, so feel free to choose whichever one you feel more comfortable with. Really, thank you so much for loving this really niche and small account, it means a lot to me, especially because you are one of my regulars. I do notice you guys, don't think otherwise. I had to rush this if I wanted to post it today, since I live in Europe so everything happens when I sleep, and I also had an appointment to make today so. Yeah. Anyway, I hope you like this little drabble, I can always write more if you'd like 😊

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in! Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!I don't condone anyone stealing my work and posting it anywhere without my permission, or feeding it to AI!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Chan was befuddled.

His tallest kid was missing somehow, even though they were next to each other just 5 minutes ago.

Bae always did this, somehow disappearing unintentionally in the blink of an eye, leaving his band members in blind panic, trying to find him. Especially their leader, Chan. He swore he had white hair at this rate.

"Guys, guys, have you seen Bae? We're supposed to be on stage in like 20 minutes." - Chan asked, slight panic settling into his voice. "Where is he... ah, there. Hyung, look up." - Felix instructed immediately, the elder's eyes following.

"See that faint, moving dot on the ceiling? Somewhere under that is Bae hyung." "Wh... Is that a pointer? Why's there a pointer on him??" "Minho hyung had enough of searching for Bae hyung, so I put it into his bun, since I helped with his hair today. It's subtle enough that only we will notice it." - Hyunjin replied this time instead, amusedly looking at the moving dot of light on the ceiling. "How the... Nevermind, this is genius. Now let's go and get him." - Chan murmured out, his leader persona taking over.

The group swiftly made their way through the sea of people, careful not to bump into anyone. It was hard, but they were used to it, having been in similar situations before.

"Is that...is that Taylor Swift? Is he talking to her?" - Jisung murmured out, disbelief dripping from his voice.

And sure enough, he was right, their tallest member was standing in front of the celebrity, casually talking and... even slightly smiling? This shocked everyone, not used to their shy member doing such things. He usually just stood there silently, whenever they had to talk with strangers or acquaintances. Or even when they had to make a speech. Bae was basically a living decoration in those times.

"Bae?" - Chan asked, gaining the attention of the lost lamb. "Oh, the others are here too. Pleasure to meet you." - she introduced herself, causing everyone to immediately greet her back with a bow.

"Our time is up it seems. Take care of him boys, if everyone learns that he is this cute, even though he looks scary, everyone will be all over him. Oh, and good luck!" - and with that, she left with a smile and a wave, leaving everyone gaping at her leaving form.

"Okay dude, you gotta tell us what happened." - Jisung said as he gripped Bae's shoulders, the latter taken aback and embarrassed. "Yeah, you never do this with people! What did you do to our hyung??" - Jeongin added in, looking for the apparently lost, true Bae.

But Bae didn't really answer, he just looked away, lips pursed and cheeks dusted with a faint red colour.

"Did you get lost and she helped you?" - Seungmin said this time smugly, causing Bae to cover his face with his hand, basically confirming the puppy's statement.

This only caused everyone to burst out into laughter, gathering nearby people's attention.

"Can't believe you did it again! And S-STAY's gonna clip it, once again! They're gonna make entire compilations of you getting lost at this rate, I can't believe this!" - Felix forced out between bouts of silent laughter, trying hard not to laugh out too loudly. "Y-you mean, make more compilations? He already has several, dude!" - Jisung added salt to injury, both earning a little hit on the head from Bae. "He does, he does! Ah, don't hit me, I think it's cute." - Changbin defended himself, but it was fruitless.

"Okay, okay, I'm glad we're all happy and having fun, but we really need to go now and get ready. Especially you, our lost little otter, because you're our opening act. Now go, go go go." - Chan ushered everyone out, like a mother leading his little chicks.