#and faegender meaning my gender is Fae

[fae-vixen]

Happy Pride Month to Everyone with Xenogenders and Everyone who's gender is connected to their Nonhuman or Alterhuman Identity!!

[thedandelionresistance]

A screenshot reading:

honestly, if someone tells you "im a trans man" you should default to he/him pronouns if he doesnt specify his pronouns

and if someone tells you "im a trans woman" you should default to she/her pronouns if she doesnt specify her pronouns

its honestly just really frustrating being they/themed as a binary trans person i understand that people mean well but its annoying that unless i specifically tell someone my pronouns that they'll default to they/them unless specifically told to use other pronouns like please just infer it from "trans man/woman"

or better yet, lets just normalize not using pronouns for anyone

.

This is just exorsexism and binarism.

So uh, no actually.

Not all BINARY trans people use she/her or he/him pronouns.

Assuming pronouns from labels or presentation or anything is exactly what we've been FIGHTING for years to get people NOT to do.

This is literally just enforcing that pronouns-gender. It's literally going to hurt literally every trans woman who doesn't use she/her pronouns and literally every trans man who doesn't use he/him pronouns, including he/him butch trans women, she/her fem trans men, and trans women and men who use they/them, it/its, and neopronouns. It also hurts nonbinary trans women and nonbinary trans men, as well as both binary and nonbinary multigender people (depending on which label they use for their multigenderedness, because surprise surprise, womanhood/manhood does not inherently equal binary gender.

Being a binary trans person who uses the expected pronouns associated with said binary gender does not mean that you get to try and set a standard of relatively conforming to the status quo. You do not get to set a standard of misgendering anyone who deviates from relative social norms and forcing people whose identities and pronouns are less palatable to binary society, who have less ability to assimilate, for your own comfort.

Normalize telling people your pronouns, yes, and asking for them if you don't know. Not using them without knowing what pronouns are right? Sure. They/them is, for all that it is called a "neutral" pronoun, still misgendering people who don't use it (especially for people who explicitly WANT a gendered pronoun. We use fae/faer precisely because it affirms our faegender identity).

But not all binary trans people even use binary pronouns, let alone the ones that "match" their gender. Not all trans women/trans men are even binary. This is the exact same logic people will use to assume all nonbinary people use they/them and that it's acceptable to misgender nonbinary people who don't use they/them, because it's the "default" pronoun for their gender.

Even if binary trans men and women using their "matching" pronouns are in the majority, that makes it all the more important not to just decide their needs are more important than a smaller subgroup of trans people who have less of an overall voice or ability to get their needs met. Communities should work to protect ALL their members, and especially minorities within the community who are more vulnerable because of their smaller numbers.

Additional note: I blocked the person in the screenshot because of trauma over past internet discussions devolving into unproductive and emotional difficult arguments that didn't result in anything other than painful feelings. This person seems like a decent person who would be willing to talk things out, but I can't currently do so while maintaining my mental health. If he does see this and goes "oh I hadn't thought of that" or whatever, I honestly would love to talk about solutions that help everyone. I'm upset at the idea of prioritizing one group of trans people, especially in ways that hurt others, and extra especially in ways that uphold existing transphobic societal ideals like "pronouns=gender". But I have no ill will towards the person in the screenshot and will remind everyone NOT to try to find and harass them.

It's perfectly valid to be upset by even well-intentioned misgendering. But the solution is not to just swap who is being misgendered, ignoring/erasing the existence of trans men and women who don't use the default pronouns and/or aren't binary. It's not to use the same logic used to justify misgendering nonbinary people.

It's to work to find a solution that doesn't misgender anyone, which is why I specifically point out not gendering anyone until you're sure as good insight from the screenshot of the OP.

They made a vent post that was at worst a bit thoughtless, suggesting something that could be harmful because of it. They're not a bad person for that. I just wasn't able to respond directly but did want to point out that even if it's not bad, it isn't okay either, and why it isn't.

[betaamity]

i genuinely wish at this point people would stop parroting the 'your pronouns are offensive' bullshit to me, it wasnt amusing the first time and its just angering at this point

fae literally isnt even the right term for the religious figures youre saying im 'mocking' or something. fae itself as a word literally comes fom france, its. it literally just fucking means fairy. literally every record i can find online never says these pronouns were ever made to *DIRECTLY REFERENCE* what everybody claims it is to make it offensive

and in my further research, where were the claims like this in 2015 when somebody said they wanted to use these pronouns on a subreddit? the only responses they got against it was usual cringe culture bullshit, nothing claiming of offense. where was this call to arms when a shop owner named their shop after their pronouns? why is this outcry of offensive towards some religious practices not ALSO held towards gender identities that include the word fae like genderfae or faesari/faexari or faegender? or did that also suddenly spark up to make it make sense?

or did this all just start because transphobic folks needed a new claim because people were starting to widely accept neopronouns? yknow, the type of claim that would make those performative allies jump to aid a 'cause' that only recently existed for suspicious reasons

also get off my fucking ass, im literally part of one of these religions you say im offending. sorry i dont plaster it everywhere so i can suddenly be told 'no youre fine actually'

[my-heart-is-but-a-gentle-moon]

This, is a personal faegender board I made for myself, describing me in a true to myself way 💗 this sunday, when I was sick (still am actually ^^’ but it gave me time to think 💗💞💗). 

Photos were uploaded with the owners’ permission- all I did was edit these beauties and assemble them in this way so that it would match with my values, views of the world, and my inner truth. 

Faegender - There are two, cohesive meanings to this.

The First - A gender that changes with the seasons, equinoxes and moonphases. 

And the Second, that resonates far more deeply with who I am (also, this second one has a purple stripe in the flag as well in order to seperate and identify the two different communities that resonate with the same name in different ways) - A gender for those who recognize that being autistic has impacted their gender/the perception of their gender, and who specifically identify with the Changeling [A type of fae] myth (A myth that was inspired by the autistic traits many ‘changelings’ in the past encompassed, created to explain our- the autistics’, existence and of us, reclaiming it in a positive way)

 Credits/Sources : 

Moonlight Fairy // Quote 

The Empath 

Faegender Flag

Quote // Pink Skied Beach 

Earth/Animal Fairy // Flower Quote 

I Just Want Magic To Be Real 

Purple Moon // Quote

[little-witchys-garden]

About me!

Name:🌙August☀

🐞Pronouns🐌: They/Them + Fae/Faer

{ but fae/faer is only when communicating with the fae cause I got their permission}

🌼Sexuality🌼: ??Semi-Polyamory + Queer + Demisexual/Demiromantic?? 🌈

🍀Gender identity🍀: ✴Nonbinary/Trans/Faegender { Stargender/Rabbit also?? Maybe?? }

⛎Bio sex⛎: AWAB✨

⬆Level⬇: 25 🐭

💘Love status💕: Single Pringle!💌

☀Sun☀:♌

⭐Rising⭐:♍

🌖Moon🌘:♑

🍄Primal zodiac🍄: Worm

🔮Belief/Religion🔮: Omnist Witch? Pagan?? I'm a jack of all witchy traits lol 💀

Favorite colors:

Black

Blue

Purple

Green

💮My kins💮:

rabbits + cats + Luna lovegood + Hazel the rabbit + worms + Peter pan + Howl pendragon + Kiki + fairies in general + Casper the friendly ghost + Newt scamander + cheetahs + snails + lions + oregon rusty spotted cat + Baba yaga + Daughter Dooley + Amadan dubh + Coraline + May-bird!

☺Likes😊:

animals + tea + rain + monsters + stimming

plants + hiking + adventure + bones

nature + horror + fantasy + funky/silly socks

bugs + day dreaming + painting + oversized clothes

fairytales + whimsical music + shiny things

books + crystals + suncatchers + wind chimes

😞Disikes😣:

mean people + loud sounds + yelling

slurs + canned spinach + velvet cloth + terfs

unnecessary negativity + burping + farting + discrimination + kinks where they don't belong..

🐝Fun facts🌻:

I'm autistic🍓 { got a few other disorders that I don't wanna share }

I repaint gnomes! 🎨

I enjoy talking with plants 🌸

I love mythology + folklore + legends! 👻

I have four cats 🐈

I name all my plants 🌱

I'm very superstitious 🌰

🌷My aesthetics🌹:

Babacore { I made that one } 🌜

Stregacore { I made that one too }

Darkcore🌑

Whimsigoth 🦋

Cottagecore/Dark cottagecore🌌

Faerycore🧚‍♂️

Crypidcore👽

Ghostcore👻

Goblincore + Gremlincore🐛

Hobitcore🍄

Crowcore🧿

Knightcore {?} 🏰

Piratecore { kinda?? } ⚓

Witchcore🔮

Fantasy/Horror in general if I'm honest.

Flags that represent me:

❎DNI❎:

Terfs/Transphobes + racists + homophobes + ddlgers/kinky people that sexualize/fetishize bad/gross things + antisemites + ableist people + zoophiles + necrophiles + maps aka pedos + incels.

[quilted-patch-kit]

@queer-positive @queerlection @queerautism @autismus-obscurus @autismserenity @spreading-trans-nonbinary-love

Story?

I was thinking about my most favourite myth ever -- the Changeling myth, and how it's super duper plainly about autistic kids/people.

I consider being autistic to have, as it does with all aspects of my life, my perceptions and experiences, to have an effect on my gender as well.

The word 'Faegender' popped into my head as Changelings are fae.

It's fantastic, I love it!

I do a search on here, and in general, and it seems 'genderfae' is a thing, but not faegender.

Cool!

Except after a little more digging around I find it IS already a thing?

But I can find almost ZERO references to it anywhere.

Like, it exists, but mostly technically?

And the meaning doesn't even have anything to do with fae?!?

"A gender that changes with the seasons, equinoxes, and moon phases."

Thats a perfectly good and fine gender but what does it have to do with fae????

:( I'm upset because it's such a perfect word for what I feel(I do know about autigender, but this feels like a better fit somehow?), but it's apparently already being used?

Except it seems like it isn't? Like 98% of the almost zero references I found to it were posts mocking it's existence? And the couple that weren't seemed to be using it in the context of 'I use fae/faer pronouns' rather than the stated meaning of the gender?

But SOMEBODY must be using it, right, or it wouldn't already exist!

Is this a situation where the two meanings could coexist?

Like, "an otherworldly gender connected to feelings of being fae. May be connected to being autistic/neurodivergent or may not be."

(I'm sure plenty of people who feel a connection of some sort to fae aren't ND so I wouldn't want to say they couldn't use it!)

@temp-nb-blog (I can't believe I almost forgot to tag you!)