#and exposed beams

[analogveins]

Kitchen Dining (San Diego)

[legendasalvatoris]

Dining Room

[reality-detective]

A CIA whistleblower has confirmed the existence of directed energy weapons, but a Harvard scientist took it a step further, revealing a more sinister agenda.

According to the scientist, these directed energy weapons will work in conjunction with Project Blue Beam and can be used to create atmospheric ionization, manipulating radar to make people believe alien craft are in the sky.

He compared the technology to laser pointers, saying it could even simulate the illusion of an entire army invading Europe—an elaborate hoax.

Despite his revelations, the scientist refused to disclose who is behind these operations.

You CAN count on this happening. In fact JFK & Ronald Reagan spoke about this threat. 🤔

Enjoy The Show 🍿

[departmentofinteriors]

[thenordroom]

Small Scandi loft

THENORDROOM.COM - INSTAGRAM - PINTEREST - FACEBOOK

[rockybloo]

A doodle of Nana because I don't draw her being mean nearly enough and I should really start doing that so people don't think she's soft all the time

She can be absolutely brutal

[thegikitiki]

Home Decor, 1962

[6-2-aestheticsofhate]

Worsties outfit swap

[arc-hus]

Kamiuma House, Setagaya, Japan - CHOP+ARCHI

[fugso]

Alkit and fogato hehehhe *I am dragged off the stage by a comically large hook*

[floridagrowngirl]

cozy rustic bedroom inspiration

[oldfarmhouse]

https://pin.it/65TnHjmyz

[rigaudon]

The airbnb we're staying at has extremely cursed wall geometry in the basement. (And also makes me feel like a giant)

[departmentofinteriors]

[thenordroom]

A renovated canal house in Amsterdam

THENORDROOM.COM - INSTAGRAM - PINTEREST - FACEBOOK

[silversiren1101]

My therapist had an emergency and had to cancel on me this week, so I need to write down my thoughts before the ADHD void eats them. This one is a little raw.

There are so many sites and papers and resources about how trauma leads to hypersensitivity and how to be gentle and respectful of such victims, but I can never and have never found anything on how the same trauma can lead to you not being able to handle hypersensitive people at all--which sucks because it reminds me so much of the classic sucky case of incompatible autism quirks.

Growing up gaslit (literal actual definition) by my parents well into my early adulthood by being blamed for everything a sibling did, abused and punished for things they thought I said or did (no a sneeze is and never has been a laugh and even if it was does it warrant screaming yourself hoarse at a child), and told again and again I was born wrong and make people miserable and the reason I don't understand why is because I'm Evil (again, a child)... is it any surprise really that I get extremely angry around the flavor of sensitive person that by-default assumes the worst intent or thoughts in those around them?

Is it not the same thing? The assumption that I've done something bad or malicious that I have not and would not ever do? Overly apologetic people that compulsively apologize for even the most innocent things, posts/comments that exude those vibes or seem to be asking for permission to do things in their own space (why are you asking others stop putting this responsibility on someone else you're an adult), etc out of fear that they will be found annoying/make someone mad/literally explode and die. You know the type. Anyone you have to walk on eggshells around.

And DUH I know it's not personal, that's the worst part! Obviously it isn't! This is their own issues manifesting as a defense mechanism/desperation for acceptance just as I have my own, BUT it does unfortunately become a self-fulfilling prophecy because now I AM angry and annoyed as hell because an assumption of bad intent/faith has been made of me without any evidence (even though I am but a silhouette in a bigger crowd and it is not a direct personal thing in the slightest) and whoops that's my main trigger! Like oopsie (hypothetical) the killswitch is turning on and I'm seething because someone apologized for "being annoying" one too many times even though literally no one has said anything suggesting anything of the sort which means they surely see me as some sort of malicious horrific monster that hates them because why else would they assume such a thing when you wouldn't assume that of normal chill people you're cool with! Except no, of course they don't see you that way, it's just anxiety/trauma/whatever talking, please be more patient with them, etc etc.

To which I say Sure! Of course! I'll try my best! I understand completely!

Patience for me though? Asking them to (in the kindest gentlest way) to meet me halfway and accommodate me back in return by easing up on the constant apologies and assuming by default I want to hear from them and about them and want only good things for them?

Suddenly that's an impossible ask. I'm being callous just asking for that, you can't just ask sensitive people to "toughen up"! So it's expected of you to just keep face-tanking repeated triggers over and over again as you grit your teeth and try your best (ie "toughen up"). All the while you're working so hard to heal so you won't deal with this stupid fucking trigger anymore that makes you viciously angry at fellow abuse victims/anxious folks with different defense mechanisms... bonus points of course if they aren't trying to get better themselves while you're certainly expected to and demanded to because you have the "weird/wrong/less talked about" trigger and response.

It's just, unfortunate. It's an unfortunate incompatibility. It fucking sucks actually. I wish there was more in the way of resources and conversations for people like me, but I can't find any. It's so isolating and it only feeds into my detachment and dissociation tendencies more so that I don't have moments like this (concurrently making me feel everything less and care about nothing anymore).

And it's especially unfortunate because tumblr is a really bad place at times for me because of it. Most of the time it doesn't affect me (high mental health times, logic wins out). When it does, I try my best to simply not respond or acknowledge in any way the posts and content that turns me into a snarling snapping beast for the stupidest reasons (oh, someone apologized too many times in their tags or post on their own blog for whatever anxious reason and now I want to tear their throat out). I simply close the tab/channel/log out/close the computer, because I know I'm being very stupid and this is a nonsensical irrational response. It's not about me. I don't need to and shouldn't care.

In the rarest of cases, I've unfollowed. It takes a lot still for me to unfollow for this reason (I am thankfully not an impulsive person) but in the few cases that it has, I'm sorry I tried I explode them with my mind before realizing that was probably a sign I should not keep letting myself be exposed to things that make me think and feel that way. I probably did and still do think they're a cool person and liked them 90% of the time, and I don't have any blame or hatred or whatever negative feelings! It sucks being like this, I know intimately!

But, I am simply a very tired girl trying not to reach a breaking point and go sicko mode on someone because I got irrationally and disproportionately angry over anxiety posting on the fucking internet.

And for the love of GOD if you're actually close with me and we talk for realsies (not just tumblr moot) and reading this makes you anxious about how you act around me just fucking talk to me directly please. It really only becomes an issue these days when it's a repeated thing from the same person, and especially after it's been talked about and nothing changes. If you've shown a lack of capacity of change or no interest in it, wellllllllll

I'm in a liminal space I realize, between irrationally accepting "yes everything is my fault whatever you're accusing me of I absolutely did because I am intrinsically Bad" and "No how the fuck is that my fault? Why are you pushing your feelings and problems onto me when I have my own shit to deal with? How dare you?! How FUCKING dare you?!?! I should see you torn limb from limb like I wish to do to my abusers because you're doing the same bullshit that they did to me SO I'M DEFENDING MYSELF AS SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE BACK THEN YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET--*bark bark bark bark*--"

It's really tiring.