#and everyone knows that you're the one doing comms and leveling them up and they're just like 'oh chill yeah we'll help you do stuff'

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

assigning all your characters to their expeditions, sending them to domains to farm, telling them what commissions to do- you're their Player, their User, and they all love you in their own ways, even more so now that you're here in person. but to be honest, this week hasn't been kind to you. it's just been one thing after another- small things, things that really shouldn't even matter- but they just pile up and up and up until you're left with a mountain of troubles that leave you exhausted and disheartened. still, you try to put on a mask of cheerfulness so your Characters don't worry- some of them fret an awful lot- and begin to assign their daily tasks. a few to collect supplies, another team to farm materials, a couple for each commission here and there, and finally you shoo your strongest off to fight bosses. except… "Not you, Childe. There's… something else I want you to do" Childe blinks curiously but turns and follows you, eager to find out what you have planned for him today. "So, what's the rush comrade? Is there something important I need to fight for you?" but you shake your head and pull him into your teapot, standing awkwardly before him and fiddling with your fingers. his smile fades, replaced with a look of concern when he sees the expression on your face, like you're holding back tears. "Sorry… you're not fighting anything today, just… can you hold me for a bit? life has been hard, and-" you're cut off when Childe sweeps you into a hug, running a hand through your hair and tracing your spine with the other. with a sniffle you cling to him, hands holding his shirt in a vice grip as you cry. wiping away your tears, you look up, and he looks back down at you, eyes soft and full of care. "Can you do the thing I like…?" with a small smile and a crackle of painless electro he transforms into Foul Legacy, moving to bump his face against your cheek with a purr and a lick. it draws a watery laugh from you, and he rumbles affectionately at the sound, claws returning to your hair and back. for the rest of the day Foul Legacy spends time with you, carrying you in his arms and gazing with a look of pure adoration in his crystalline eye. he's with you for whatever you'd like to do, whether it be cooking or gardening or stepping outside for some fresh air- all are met with a resounding purr from Foul Legacy as he holds your small hands in his larger talons and dips his mask down as an imitation of a kiss, even if all you want to do in the end is curl up with him and take a nap. sure, it wasn't battle or sparring. but it made you smile again, which was all the more worth it.

[phoenixcatch7]

The Wayne doll house

Have some haunted doll au, since it's been bubbling away in my mind.

The bat cave is large and sprawling, many layers and tunnels and hollowed out cracks in the walls. It takes many years to fully reinforce to prevent stray kids from tripping into stagnant waters or fall down crags as he once did. The doll cave, as it becomes known, is in one of the deepest, darkest corners, one where the lights of the furnished caverns above don't reach.

It's one late night sitting at the computer when it suddenly occurs to Bruce that his first encounter with a doll was at the well entrance, many levels above.

There was nothing there when he went back.

-

The justice league stared at the subaru. The subaru, having no eyes, did not stare back.

The seven of them had just finished a very long, arduous mission, and narrowly escaped government censure after the base they'd been raiding had turned out to belong to some corrupt official. With the alert up, they couldn't escape through city airspace, or even in their hero suits.

So civilian it was.

Batman had hotwired some bloke's car while the rest of them ducked into alleys and shop bathrooms, but the problem remained. There was seven of them. And five seats.

"I can shift into something more suitable for being carried," suggested j'onn, "but I believe one of us might have to hide."

"Foot well?" Hal tried, and everyone looked around at the tall, bulky, broad heroes.

"Think they'd have to go in the boot," Barry finally said. Everyone immediately turned to him. "No."

Batman spoke up before the discussion could devolve.

"I think.... I would be best for that."

The team stared.

"Batsy?"

Having no lungs meant he could not drag in the tired sigh he wished, but whatever force allowed this body to talk was capable of approximating something suitably resigned.

"As I am, I am... incapable of fully passing as human. It would be best if I remained out of sight."

"So just? Go change? I swear we won't be weird about whoever you are under the mask. Even if you're like, bald."

"Thank you, Wally, but I'm afraid I'm being serious." Reaching for the mask in broad daylight was unpleasant, but the glue and wires held as he gave it a few thorough tugs. "It doesn't detach."

Everyone stared. Clark reached out as if he wanted to check, but withdrew.

"Do you even have a civilian identity??" Oliver eventually asked. "Because at this point I'm genuinely not sure."

Wayne Enterprises and Queen Industries had a meeting that same evening. "Hn."

"Can we go back to the 'incapable of passing as human' part?!"

"We can discuss it in the car," he snapped, stalking past Barry and popping the boot. "In case you haven't forgotten, we're on a time limit."

For once, that seemed to encourage them, and batman, with great dignity, folded his joints and cape into the small space, ignoring Hal's mutter of 'what kind of contortionist -' as he slammed the lid. With a little shuffling he managed to activate his comms.

"I will inform the watchtower of our delay."

"Batman, they're tapping all outgoing signals, you can't -"

"It won't trigger," he interrupted, before he twisted his consciousness and sent it spiralling across the country.

Bruce awoke with a groan, stretching his limbs and taking a moment to marinate in his annoyance before he reached for the comm and voice modulator on the beside table.

"Batman to watchtower, we've encountered delays. If the Texan state government calls we haven't entered the state in six weeks. Batman out."

-

"Alien?"

"No."

"Reanimated corpse?"

"No."

"Uh... Demon?"

"Hm. No."

"You're not just a meta human, are you?"

"No."

"Vampire?"

"No."

"Robot??"

"No."

"Batsy, please, someone's got to win the bet eventually. How do we even know you're not lying?!"

"You don't," Batman said, not looking up from his paperwork and Flash groaned, letting his sticky notes fall to the floor as he buried his head in his arms.

"One day," he bemoaned to the keyboard, "one day we'll figure it out."

"Until then please keep your eyes on the monitors."

Flash groaned again.

-

Robin ducked under superman's arm as he scuttled down the corridor, laden with the night's haul of snacks. The real problem wasn't getting them - stopping league members from raiding the kitchen would be extremely counterproductive - but keeping them until he could return home to his human body to eat them. Batman had started searching him each time they left and it was really cutting into his daily sugar intake. Unfair! Just because he didn't actually use energy to stay up my night to fight crime, it felt like he did!!

'Oh, you're broken, Robin, oh, don't go out until the glue has fully set, Robin' his arm was fine! It wasn't like there was much crime to be fought on the watchtower anyway! At least not physically.

So he was pretty pleased with himself until he went to set the snacks down and found that the tar like glue they used had soaked through the sleeve and gotten all over his chocolates.

With his other hand, he tried to pry them off, wincing as the wrappers tore and stuck. He tried to shake it, ignoring the way his elbow rattled in the joint.

"Come on, come on - aw, cheezits."

The arm fell off. Robin stared despondently at the limb, surrounded by torn wrappers and dripping black glue where it connected to the elbow. The sour stink of formaldehyde filled the air.

He was going to be in such trouble with Bruce.

The click of the door jerked his head up.

Flash stood in the doorway, wide eyed. Robin stared back.

Flash screamed.

Oh yeah @dehydratedmockingbird have a thing

[the5thcellar]

Hi, I recently stumbled upon your blog and I am so glad I did! While I’m very sorry for all the troll hate you’ve received, I like the sassy way you’re handling them. I’m trying to find the humor in why so many people are pressed and feel like they need to defend something that you haven’t even denied is real. And just because you have a different opinion, they cannot handle it. Reading your responses, and reading the responses of other people with whom I share similar sentiments, has made me laugh and feel better over the last week. I’ve been desperately trying to find other posts/people that have similar vibes because this whole… situation-ship has been a bit much. I also appreciate your reminder that “no matter how good a man seems, trying to justify anything they do is still a sure path to disappointment!” 

I was wondering if you had any thoughts about Luke’s social media lately? I’ve read some points about how messy his social media presence has been handled (or mishandled) over the past year+ and how it did not help with the way everything played out. Also, I feel like he’s either turned on notifs for Nic because he’s been very diligent about liking all her posts, or maybe, he’s finally gotten a team to handle it. I just feel like everyone is in crisis comms mode, trying to wrangle back control. Just genuinely curious because it’s what I’ve been pondering over for the last day or two. Thank you in advance for your time if you answer my ask!

I'm so sorry this took me awhile - I started replying it in the morning on the way to work but decided I needed to gather my thoughts more.

To the first part: I completely empathise with how the entire situation has just been so "much" - it really has. It seems so silly, but somehow, whether or not two people I DON'T KNOW are in love or not in love, are best friends or are not best friends - can affect so much of my mental and emotional wellbeing.

I know I'm being parasocial (it seems to be the internet buzzword of the moment). But let's be clear: almost EVERYONE online - everyone who has written in to my ask box, who has commented, who has liked - everyone on twitter and tiktok who has talked about this - they're all just as parasocial. Because we're all assuming and casting aspersions on people we do not personally know. No one online who engages in discourse has the moral or ethical high ground. We are ALL in the gutter together (that said - I believe the gutter has many levels 😂).

IN ANY CASE - I just want to assure you that what you're feeling is not some atypical affliction. It is normal to feel awful that something you believed in and something you felt happy about is untrue. It is normal to look for other people who feel the same because misery is always better with company. It is normal to feel disappointed even as you remind yourself that men have been useless since the dawn of time.

The best counter to all these sad, awful feelings is to remember that life is a cycle. That life is complex. And although I'm saying this for the millionth time - that life has many, many grey areas.

As a kid I thought Zanessa was everything. Then they broke up, and she got together with Austin whom I hated. For years I seethed at the very mention of them. And after almost a decade... they also broke up. And not even 2 years after that, she's married and with child.

For a long time I also thought Brangelina was everything - you can't imagine my devastation when they divorced and I found out Brad is a complete dirtbag. But at the same time that I felt this horrible upset - I'm sure TONS of other people were feeling vindicated because they were fans of Jen A.

There are just SO MANY other stories like that. I mean come on - JLo and Ben Affleck. On again, off again, finally made it to the altar ... and now they're headed for divorce.

Chris and Mariska - both married to other people for 27 bloody years (or maybe longer) - and still making it very clear they are each others soulmates - and NOT platonic ones btw.

Tony and Kerry - WHAT EVEN ARE THEY? Perhaps the only pair on the internet that has people rooting for cheating and affairs 😂

Lessons: don't let a long term boyfriend stop you from finding a husband. Don't let a husband stop you from finding your soulmate. Don't let your soulmate stop you from engaging in a late, great love affair.

All crazy, contradicting statements distilled from all the above real life stories.

It makes one thing very clear to me: I can believe what I want to believe about Luke and Nicola. Because no one fucking knows what is in the future. They could get together next month. Next year. When they're in their 70s. No one can tell me SHIT about what I believe - not when life is clearly full of incredible twists and turns.

So fuck it. Fuck the haters and the antis and the naysayers. I can ship them till the day I die and no one can tell me any different. Because how could they? They literally canNOT !

To the second part: this is an easy answer and there's no need to think too much into it. Luke's social media has simply undergone an extensive renovation by his agents and team in anticipation of him becoming a big star (whether or not that will actually happen remains to be seen). All highly personal, "non-aesthetic" posts of his have been archived - his posts are all related to work and his coworkers. He has many posts with Nicola because he / his team knows those get the most engagement - and the more engagement he gets, the better the IG algorithm works in his favour to push his OTHER, non-Nicola or Bridgerton related posts to people's feeds. I don't think anyone is in crisis comms mode tbh. Maybe Nicola panicked a bit after she posted that tiktok that everyone took wildly out of context. But beyond that I don't think the wider audience gives af who he's dating - it seems like his personal life is very big news only because we keep searching about it and talking about it and so it feels like EVERYONE is. But if you step outside the online bridgerton fandom bubble ..... no one cares. There is a HEFTY portion of netflix viewers who watch bridgerton without EVER going online to read about the actors.

Long story short I think Nicola and Luke will become even MORE conscious about what they post - but I don't believe there was a crisis in the true sense of the word. And although Luke's team clearly handles his socials he obviously has access to it as well. Btw - all celebs have someone who handles their socials I'm sure Nic does too, just that she's also on her own account a lot. I don't know if Luke has his notifs on for Nicola's posts but even if he does I don't believe his consistent likes mean anything much. I mean...he also diligently likes all of Antonia's posts 😂

Social media isn't much of an indicator of honesty to me ... as someone whose work heavily involves it, everything is curated to a disgusting degree.

What I put more stock in is what we can see - and what we can see of them when they DON'T think about being seen - which is to say, all the unconscious, natural moments between Nicola and Luke - the vibe around them both, and the easy way they breathe and exist together.

That's what makes me such a big believer in their bond.

[venomous-ragno]

I've posted these before but Tumblr's tag system is buggy so it's not showing up for ppl, which is a shame cause if this dynamic rots my brain y'all have to suffer with me

Ghost x reader x Soap headcannons

I take requests btw;)

Tags: Ghost x reader x Soap, sfw, gn!reader, fluff

Warnings: None

Gif by @collinnmckinley

• Brothers in arms, these two have developed a bond that goes deeper than that of just any comrades. They work like a machine, gears oiled and intertwined, always moving forward and further into unknown territory.

• Ghost and Soap aren't romantically involved, but they don't mind it if it's the other. Both know and respect the other's boundaries; Gaz once called them psychics for understanding each other without so much as words exchanged.

• Their lives are anything but conventional so why shouldn't their relationship be too? It's a strange idea, sure. Much to your surprise though neither seemed taken aback or even shocked at the suggestion - not in the slightest, for they agree on more things than they disagree on.

• If you ever go on a mission with them and the team gets split up, both Ghost and Soap would find solace in knowing you're with the other, that you're well protected even in the face of death.

• Ghost and Soap are two different types of love; Ghost is more of a calm, quiet lover. No big words or pda but rather small acts of service and quality time. Ghost remembers all your quirks, all your likes and dislikes by heart. He prides himself in knowing you better than anyone else, reads you like an open book, and slowly... Opens up in and about himself, too.

• Soap is loud, if not a bit boastful. He doesn't mind calling you sweet nicknames, throwing a flirty line or two over comms. His love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch, and he isn't shy about giving nor receiving. He's quite sensitive to personal space and highly receptive of your emotional state.

• You know that Ghost has a hard time conveying his thoughts and feelings. Hell, he can't even decipher them himself most of he time. Comes with the life he agreed on living, doesn't make it any more frustrating when he refuses to elaborate on decisions he's made.

• Soap understands you both. He's had his fair share of troubles with the stoic Lt, and thus acts as a mediator. He jokingly calls himself the "peacekeeper of the 141", taking the deadly stares from both of you with stride.

• Ghost and Soap often share late night talks. It's an intimate moment between these two on an emotional level: Let the stars be witness to their hopes and dreams, their frustrations and fears, let their heart get lighter until the sun shines on them and reminds them of the hardships daylight brings.

• It's nights like those where Soap nudges Ghost in the right direction when it comes to you. Gentle but stern pushes towards an apology, in whichever form it may come in, Ghost's words carry nothing but candour. Be patient and he'll do his best to learn.

• "Live as if you're dead", they say, but how can one not feel alive when you love pulses hot through their veins? They should know better. They should know better than to let themselves fall for you like so and yet they're utterly powerless, for no knife may cut that damned red string.

Bonus:

Price raises a brow at whatever you three got going on, but chooses to remain ignorant as long as it doesn't affect work. If anything, he finds amusement in it; how the three of you bicker back and forth, how your dynamic confuses everyone not sharp enough to catch on. Besides, he's won quite a few bucks over drunken bets with Gaz - and he gets to see Simon more often too, rather than Ghost. A bonus if anything.

[mecachrome]

Hi k! I think you’ve maybe mentioned this before but if you want would you share any thoughts on the Jenson/Oscar/Lando dynamic (either observed or in your fic!)? Love your scholarship as always.

omg i would love to but disclaimer that this is like an entirely fictional dynamic of course and basically just something i want to see in badvibez fic HLSDFHLKH. actually as a jendo 1oa shipper my Very very early idea was one-sided attraction on lando's side + 814 fwbs but eventually i fell down the jb81 brainworms path...

oh but in terms of observed dynamics, one thing i remember very clearly from 2022 is when crbgate was happening and jenson was talking to skysports about it like "i've been through this situation before but actually i was wrong and selfish 😊 oscar shouldn't make enemies in his career so early when he's literally never driven in a formula 1 car ❤️" in that lowkey condescending (affectionate) way of his which was hilarious to me fsr because like. well to be clear Many pundits/tps/etc. were speaking presumptuously on oscar's situation and often it was through this lens of "surely one team can't be that fucking stupid and incompetent right?" (spoiler alert: well you know) but Still... because mark webber (we'll get to him) was actually managing oscar correctly and oscar WASN'T as stupid and brash as young jense. similarly people love comparing oscar's driving style to jenson's and i remember once during an fp session someone doing it right before oscar went off and jenson was like ...Okay then. :) HLSDFH like i do think jenson rates and likes oscar don't get me wrong i just also think that 1) jenson is obnoxiously obsessed with and loyal to lando and 2) jenson can get carried away with the Narratives like any other pundit but... he's also pretty clearheaded and objective with where oscar's current level is and doesn't ever praise him senselessly, which interests me because of how much old people adore oscar and hype him up. also the first f1 race oscar ever watched was melb 2009 which jenson won... guy who meticulously studied canada 2009 as race prep two weeks ago 🧡

basically the idea of the fic really is that Literally Everyone Ever is obsessed with jenson button except for oscar. and Literally Everyone Ever around jenson's age is charmed by oscar except for jenson. and oscar's like ok yeah he's cool but what is so great about this guy... has logan texting him going all mate seriously he's actually so nice 🥰 and lando turns beet red every time jenson so much as breathes near him in the paddock and he and alex get along swimmingly and everyone he talks to seems to think jenson is the funniest guy alive. he's like ??? PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER.

also what i love about jenson is that he's so good at playing mindgames by never succumbing to them in the first place. which is a distinctly oscar piastri quality... so like i love the idea of their banter/dynamic being very insincere but in this distinctly light-hearted and polite way??? like they're both clearly trying to fuck with each other but they're having fun with it. ok actually sorry let me just paste an entire text post. Basically c'est comme ça:

also this is something chel and i discussed once but the hilarity of jenson and mark is that jenson treats the young brits like they're his mates but actually maintains some sort of moral emotional/physical distance whereas markw is out here like calling oscar his kid and pup while being... i mean. You know. hasklfdh anyway i LOVE their dynamic in the context of jendo/jb81/814 etc. because while jenson and mark are friends mark will always be that loser who never got his wdc and lost to seb every time... which really the latter is the most embarrassing to him imo because jenson lowkey rates beating lewis higher than winning his championship.

tl;dr: when you're in a Make Everything about lando norris competition and your opponents are jenson and oscar

tbh i kind of gave up on this a while back but then miami brought everything back because JENSON was there and then i was just like >>>THE DELICIOUSNESS OF JENSON BEING THERE FOR LANDO'S WIN AND OSCAR FLOPPING... there is nothing more delicious to me than sleeping together about another person imo. and it first happens in silvo or something because they have all these misdirected feelings about lando who is Inaccessible to them for different reasons (jenson: thinks he's being an upstanding citizen by only lusting after lando from afar / oscar: has been told by mark webber to not hook up with a teammate. never said anything about old rivals though) and then it keeps continuing because oscar's season kind of goes to shit once they hit the americas and well... you get the gist.

i could talk about this forever tbh. even though it makes NO sense <3 can someone please write me jb81 😭😭😭

[nosuchthingasagruffalo]

S2 ep 2

On Voyager the Doctor tried for hours to revive Amal. Finally he turned to his parents to offer a shake of his head, Chakotay rushed over to his son, Kathryn turned and marched out of sickbay. Lottie received the doctor's comm in her quarters and fell into the arms of her god-mother. In his ready room Tuvok allowed a silent tear to fall onto the Padd in front of him.

Chakotay stayed with his son, embracing and kissing him. Reading him the last rites of his ancestors and offering his rudimentary knowledge of Catholic rites, the beliefs of his son's maternal ancestors. Eventually he found the strength to leave, to find his wife who was in their quarters staring into the starlight. "It's followed me Chakotay. The darkness, I thought we had left that back in the Delta Quadrant but it was always there ready to strike. What have I done? This is my penance for everyone I hurt, every mistake I made, when I stared it in the face I wasn't fighting it, I was letting it consume me"

Chakotay didn't have the energy for Kathryn's particular brand of self flagellation and went to find his daughter who was sat on the bed in the guest quarters. Her duffel bag neatly placed on the side, he noticed she had a fresh uniform on. "Captain, I will be returning to the Essex soon, I'll be back on Earth in a few months"

"What the fuck Lottie? Is this what you do too? Hide behind duty? Let your grief eat you up? Is this what your brother would want?"

"Dad, I can't break now, there's something going on here, Seven and I have just scratched the surface. I can't let Amal have perished in vain. He's too good for that, too special, Seven and I can.."

"NO" Chakotay roared "I will not let you and your mother do this to yourselves, we're going home, all FOUR of us" he sobbed.

****

Weeks had slipped by and Charlotte had moved into Starfleet accommodation. The tensions at home was unbearable, Cillian had hidden away at medical school and Niamh spent her days locked in her room. Seven had offered Charlotte support but cautioned her against returning to duty so soon. She stopped by the apartment one evening to let Charlotte know the Essex was due back into deep space. "You have to get me my post back" Charlotte begged "we were on to something. Captain Abioye can't be trusted, they're closing the case on the Lohengrin, no inquest. Death by misadventure. They're burying this Seven and you're the only one who can help me". Seven met her eyes "do you remember the story of my parents Lottie? Their quest ended with their only daughter being assimilated by the Borg. How do you think they would feel if they foresaw that fate, how much they would hate themselves? Your parents have just watched their eldest son destroyed by the quest that drives them. Lottie, somewhere on DS9 or DS11 there's an engineering role for you, you can climb the ranks, study thermo-molecules and give your parents the knowledge at least one of their children is safe. I'm serious, I don't want anymore surprises".

At the Janeway home Kathryn dropped to the sofa in the lounge. "I'm taking an assignment Chakotay, Tuvok will drop to a commander level role and I'll Captain the Voyager. The Vulcans are very interested in investigating best practise in the Federation and have pressed Starfleet to assign us a mission, they aren't saying directly but it must be to do with the Lohengrin. Not deep space so I'll see you when I'm home. I can't sit still anymore, I need to fight and this is my chance" she embraced Chakotay and kissed his neck, sliding her hands over his body. He pulled away, brought her hands to her sides "Aye Sir" he said as he headed toward Lottie's now vacated bedroom.

****

That night Chakotay's vision quest disturbed him greatly, the great bird squaked and flew into the distance "she asked questions to which I cannot give answers." He watched as the flames consumed the forest finally licking the bushes he stood beside.

[letstrythisagainxoxo]

I smile softly and snuggle in now, laying him on my chest so he’s warm while I close my eyes with a soft sigh.

About two weeks and a home visit or two from Rex later, Vader rushes through the halls of the Temple, grinning ear to ear as he tries to find Rex. Luca babbled louder today than he ever has. What a joyous sound it was.

He skids to a stop as he passes the training center, hearing Rex's familiar laugh before jogging in. "Rex! Rex c'mere," he says quickly.

"Alright Jesse- take it easy, rest that ankle. I won't penalize you for it." Rex waves him off, then turns to walk over to Vader. "What's up, Grinny?"

Vader's grin only widens, "Look-" he pulls up a video he took of Luca, playing it out loud for Rex to hear him. "He's getting louder and- and he's so happy. Such a happy baby."

"Got one hell of a set of lungs on him," Rex chuckles, a grin spreading onto his face now too. "Cutest kid I think I've ever seen."

"I love him so much," Vader breathes. "He's... he and Lili- they're everything to me. Dunno what I'd do without them."

"You'd be obeying the Order as a proper Jedi," Ben answers from behind the two of them.

Rex whispers a curse in Mando'a and Vader wholly freezes, staring at the video on his comm that he's now turned silent. Fuck. Fucking hell.

"Uh- General Kenobi," Rex gives him a small nod as he turns, "Have... you come to train?"

Ben tilts his head. "No, no I haven't, Commander. But I suggest that your training ends now. I must speak with Anakin alone."

Rex gives Vader an apologetic look and then moves to his bags, quickly packing them up as Ben moves to be in front of Vader.

"You know all this time I was wondering what was happening inside that head of yours," he studies Vader. "And here you were sneaking off to... what, a secret lover?"

"My family." Vader says quietly. "They're my fam-"

"We are your family." Ben snaps. "We are your family and these sorts of attachments are forbidden for a reason, Anakin. I can't believe this. I can't believe you. You have a child?!"

Vader sneers a little, "I will not tolerate you disrespecting them or me this way. You know I've always been different- I've always had a different set of beliefs and priorities than everyone else here. Surely you can't be that shocked."

"I'm disappointed," Ben shakes his head. "There's a difference. Message your lover right now and let her know you won't be returning- I'm going to the Council with this. We need to get you help."

Vader huffs a laugh out of pure anger, reaching out to grip Ben's arm harshly with his mechno hand as Ben turns to leave. "I don't think so. That's not happening. You can't sit here and preach to me about no attachments when we both know you've woken up hard several times after sharing a tent with me on missions," he says lowly. "Don't even get me started on you, Ben. You're far from the level of prim and proper like you used to be, but you're still annoyingly loyal to this Order- to the point where you're disrespecting me. Your 'family'. No. You're not going to the Council. You're coming with me."

"Like hell I am-"

"You. Are coming. With me." Vader says slowly, starting to drag Ben out of the training room as he pushes the suggestion on him to cooperate. "You're going to meet my family. And you will like them."

"What are their names?" Ben asks after a moment, the suggestion already kicking in.

"Lili and Luca." Vader steers him toward the hangar, getting in one of the speeders with Ben before taking off for your home. "They're gentle and kind and warm. They make me happy- happier than I've ever been here."

--

After about ten minutes, Vader knocks on your door, waiting patiently outside with Ben. "Be nice." He reminds Ben. "She has a beautiful soul."

"Well I'm not going to be rude," Ben huffs a laugh, "That would be ridiculous."

[other-peoples-coats]

📓

Ok, so. This one is…sort of a take on a trope I've seen a couple times.

the 212th + 501st, and associated jedi, are yeeted back in time though, y'know, standard Weird Force Fuckery, along with all their warships. Obi-wan, being obi-wan, is in a fucking bacta tank, and is thus mr not-avalible-for-decisions. Which leaves anakin in charge; and, given the weird force fuckery has clearly fried all their comms shit — they can't connect to anything outside of their little group, and pings to the GAR network get nothing — the only option to work out, uh, where the fuck are we and what the fuck is going on is to take a little scouting party down to the closest plant and scope out the situation.

The closest planet is melida/daan, mid civil war.

Anakin and the future scouting team clock this obviously stranded padawan, absolutely curbstomp their way through the adults, and then are like….ok, so, we're gonna. bring you back to the temple, kid, since you're obviously a stranded padawan and your master is dead, congratulations, we're adopting you into the lineage.

baby-wan is like ok.jpg because, well, this might as well happen? his life is already so fucking weird, and also, crucially, if he goes with them they might leave melidaan, and it's not like anyone can do jack shit to stop them. Not the first time he's offered up his life to save others, might be the last time, once they find out that he is, y'know, a terrible not-jedi. Or he gets sold into slavery, or killed for being force sentive. literally nothing about this is going to go well for him, actually.

Baby wan is brought aboard the ships. baby wan is abruptly wondering (hoping) that they're like, time travelers from the sith wars, because holy fuck this is an army that could sack half the galaxy. Baby wan is doing his level best to be chill and totally fine and not at all freaked the fuck out; given the entire group all know adult obi-wan, and his much better ability to hide emotions, everyone can tell that this kid is freaked.

To be fair; they're the 212th and the 501st. They're great, but also, if you run into them, shit's got real, and this kid looks, like, ten. It's got to be his first damn deployment. His master is clearly very fucking dead, and now he's thinking that the situation got so bad that they sent both the 212th and the 501st to clean it up.

meanwhile, the slicers on the ships have managed to cobble together a one way distress beacon, which they are beaming at the temple. It's old code — it piggybacks on shit from the last damn sith wars — but it's, y;know, something the GAR is equipped to recognise. The equivalent of sending up a damn smoke signal, or hooking into very old telegram wires and being like AM LOST STOP PLEASE SEND HELP STOP HOW GOES WAR STOP

The temple, of course, gets a transmission using a code from the sith wars. Asking about the state of the war. requesting back up and aid for a High General, plus his battalion and near command.

The temple freaks out, because holy fuck, time travelers???? literal time travelers from the sith wars?????? Fuck?????????????

After they send the ET phone home message, obi-wan the elder wakes up, gets an update on the situation — lost in space, found an orphaned padawan, distress beacon sent — and is all set to just chill till someone comes to pick them up when he clocks the 'orphaned padawan' and is like FUCK.

cue 'oh fuck oh fuck we fucked up the time line' and 'what the fuck do you mean spent time as a child solider', and also, 'well, guess we're all passing ourselves off as time travelers from the opposite direction, because, uh, that's…whatever everyone thinks. we are. thanks anakin.'

Plus the extremely fun times of baby-wan latching on to adult-wan as his new master, and proceeding to spill every terrible thing that's happened to him thus far to anyone who asks, because, y'know, it's fine! This is fine! his new lineage is so nice <3 and none of them have any reason to know the fact that he's already killed people and seen people killed and done so much violence is weird <3 it's great, he's finally going to get a good grade in being a jedi, which is possible to achieve and definitely something he wants <3