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tyrantisterror · 3 days ago

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At Sea Without a Map Post-Script

After two months of so, my little writing experiment At Sea Without a Map has come to an end. And because I'm vain, I not only felt compelled to share it, but to talk about it in depth after the fact, so here we are. This is going to be long, though, so I'm not only going to break it into sections, but put it all under the cut for the sake of your dashboard. So go ahead and dive into the depths of the Sea of Monsters with me one more time!

Part 1: Never Stop Blowing Up

The writing process of Wizard School Mysteries Book 3 was really strained - not because of the book itself, mind you. When I was actually able to work on it, Book 3 came together really well - I think it required the least substantial rewrites of any my novels thus far. It's just that real life was kind of beating the shit out of me while I was trying to get it done - or maybe the better metaphor was that it was just slowly but steadily draining me of energy all the time. I'm honestly surprised I got the book out in roughly the same amount of time as the first two - by the way life had been treating me, it should have taken longer.

But when I got done with it I was accutely aware of how tired I was. I still had the creative drive, but fuck I needed something simple as a palette cleanser - something easy, and more importantly, something that was allowed to be bad. I needed something creative to do that was surplus to requirements and fully within its rights to suck ass so long as I had fun making it.

Around this time, I decided to rewatch Dimension 20's Never Stop Blowing Up. Brief explanation of what that is: Dimension 20 is an actual play show, i.e. a recording of people playing D&D and other TTRPGs. I'd say its reputation is built on the contrast of its main DM, Brennan Lee Mulligan, who makes these meticulously crafted campaign plans, and his chaotic band of improv comedian players who promptly derail those plans spectacularly. Like, a good deal of the show's humor comes from Emily Ashford or Ally Beardsly doing something so off-the-wall that it shatters whatever the scene was going to be and creates a far more absurd and zany spectacle in its place. Which is why Never Stop Blowing Up is pretty notable, because it's the one campaign where Brennan himself is the agent of chaos, fully unleashing his own brand of madness that the players struggle to keep up with. And fuck does he seem to have fun with it.

Of course, all of the analysis above is purely from the outside looking in - it's likely that a lot of the "chaos" is played up for the audience. But still... there is something to the idea of a person who's been working on meticulously structured stories letting loose and just doing something extremely stupid.

So I decided to give myself a Never Stop Blowing Up moment - a short story that would be simple by design, with no standards to live up to or goal beyond "have fun telling a silly little story." I then came up with a few key criteria:

It can't be set in the Midgaheim/ATOM universe. I don't want the burden of figuring out where this story would fit among others.

It's gotta be a romance. People who've read my books might have picked up on the fact that I like to write about people falling in love, for the same reason I like to write about fire-breathing reptiles and friendly monsters (i.e. I use writing to indulge in things I'll never experience in real life). I've only used romance as subplots in my fiction before, and tend to feel a bit guilty if I focus on it too long - like I'm being self indulgent. Well, this is all about self indulgence, so the romance should be front and center.

It's gotta be SIMPLE, episodic even. Not complex plotting required.

I almost chose my xenomorph romance for this, but I had developed its outline to the point where it would be too complex to fit. I then considered a sort of superhero story that could be pitched as "what if Bringing Up Baby but Katherine Hepburn's character is a Harley Quinn-esque supervillain and Cary Grant's character gets turned into some sort of horrifying genetic mutant in the first ten minutes." That one hit a weird roadblock when I got to the character brainstorming phase (the first phase of any writing project I do) - I was trying to figure out what the mad scientist who turns out Cary Grant-figure into a mutant would be named, came up with the name "Dr. Skullfuck," immediately realized that having a character named "Dr. Skullfuck" is a Mark Millar-ass writing move that I could not allow myself to do, but then couldn't stop thinking of the name "Dr. Skullfuck" and giggling, which just brought all thinking to a grinding halt on that project.

(I'll still probably do it someday, though - just, you know, without Dr. Skullfuck)

Inspiration struck again, though. I'd been getting into Epic: The Musical, a musical retelling of The Odyssey, and it put me in the mood for a sea monster story. But, more than that, it got me thinking about one particular archetype from sea monster stories - but that brings us to the next part of this Post Script...

Part 2: It Was Always About Calibani

Ok, so, one of the big changes Epic: The Musical made involved Odysseus's encounter with the sirens, and before you read more of my rambling, I'd like you to watch two animatics for the two songs in question here:

youtube

A summary: one of the sirens takes the form of Odysseus's wife to try and tempt him into getting in the water, Odysseus tricks her into giving him directions, captures her and the rest of her kind, and proceeds to have his men slaughter them horribly. In the OG story the sirens don't die - nor does their song involve imitating a man's wife, for that matter, it's just a really pretty song.

This is done for an important narrative purpose - Epic: The Musical is focused on analyzing the moral ambiguity of Odysseus, and how it is constantly challenged by the impossible choices he is forced to make in his attempt to get home. At this point in the musical, Odysseus has decided to stop trying to be a compassionate man, shirking all mercy in favor of utter ruthless pursuit of his goals. These two songs are meant to be unsettling as hell - this is the beginning of a series of heartless choices by both Odysseus and his men that will culminate in the mutiny and complete annihilation of Odysseus's crew, as well as Odysseus himself being so hopelessly stranded that nothing short of divine intervention will save him.

I bring this up because when I first heard these two songs - specifically while watching these two animatics - it, like... it devastated me. I was so horrified and sad, so shaken by it. And part of it was for the reasons outlined above, but admittedly that wasn't the gut reaction I had. No, my immediate reaction was, and I quoute my own broken brain verbatim here: "You can't kill the sirens! They're not for killing, they're for loving!"

...now, those of you who know me are probably not surprised by this very stupid sentiment coming from me. One of my more popular posts is just me talking about how down bad I would be for various folkloric monsters whose whole shtick is "looks like a pretty lady but Watch Out." But as a person filled with immense self loathing and doubt, my brain immediately looked at that very stupid sentiment I expressed and said, "Wait, no, that's fucking dumb, I'm fucking dumb. The sirens are remorseless murderers. These sirens in particular preyed upon a man's love for his wife, who he has not seen in twelve years, to convince him to let them kill him. They are, by all standards of morality, Very Fucking Evil, and if they were not women you would not feel bad about them getting killed."

And as my brain argued with itself over this topic, I got to thinking about the various monstrous/othered sea women of The Odyssey - not just the sirens, but the witch Circe, the nymph Calypso, the monsters Scylla and Charybdis. And I thought about the others of their kind in other myths and folktales - selkies, mermaids, etc.

There's an archetype of sea monster that focuses entirely on one specific anxiety sailors are prone to, namely the fact that (for a good deal of human history) being on a boat meant spending a lot of time away from women. The horror of this monster is how it uses that desire for female company to tempt people into danger - like a mirage, it leads you to expose yourself to danger in pursuit of an illusory comfort.

But, unlike real world mirages, these monstrous sea women DO exist in their stories. More than that, they're often, like, sad and lonely. Their narrative purpose is just to be a temptation, but that doesn't change the fact that they do have lives of their own in these worlds. And, softie that I am, I can't help feeling sad for them, especially the ones who actually seem to want the same companionship the sailors they tempt want. Sailors don't stay with their Circes, they don't marry their Calypsos. The sirens live on a barren rock, alone, Scylla is left to wallow in misery at her monstrous form, and the selkie always has to leave for fear of being trapped by a person who won't love her on her terms.

I realized I had my hook for this simple, easy, silly little sea monster romance story: I was going to give a sea woman the happy ending she'd never get from anyone else.

Sailor may be the protagonist, but make no mistake: At Sea Without a Map was always, always, ALWAYS about Calibani.

The goal with Calibani was simple: I was going to set up a fairly standard Monstrous Sea Woman, but where other stories would let her be in one episode of the travel narrative and move on, this one would stick around. She'd be an unambiguous predator of human beings - an open and admitted maneater - but she would have no true malice to her. She, like all predators, eats what she can get to survive, and it just so happens that she's adapted to eat humans. And the story would pose the same question to the reader that my brain posed to me during Different Beast: is there any way you could make a siren-style sea monster sympathetic? Can you make a normal person who doesn't have my particular brain rot look at a maneating siren and think, "You're not supposed to kill her, you're supposed to love her!"

One of the few unavoidable plot points of At Sea Without a Map was that Calibani and Sailor's relationship would become romantic. What kind of romance it was could have varied substantially - it could have been one-sided, it could have been toxic, it could have been far more tragic OR far more comedic. But it was always, always going to be a romance of some sort - the goal of this experiment was to make you, the reader, love Calibani. All else was icing on the cake.

I decided to base Calibani's personality on Miranda from The Tempest - i.e. a sweet girl who is both wordly and naive, who understands the strange setting of our "lost at sea" story far better than the audience viewpoint character does, but views the mundane world of the audience viewpoint character with wonder and naiveté. In fact I almost named her Miranda outright... except I already had a character in the setting I chose for this story who had that name, and as an allusion to the same Shakespearean character no less. So I settled on naming her after Miranda's adoptive sibling (of sorts), Caliban - more fitting in some ways, as Caliban is a fish-human hybrid who is arguable more native to the magic island in The Tempest than Miranda herself.

(Calibani isn't the only Tempest name homage, either - her mother, Sycorax, takes her name directly from Caliban's unseen but oft-spoken of witch mother. Dr. Antonia Warefore takes her first name from Antonio, one of the human villains in The Tempest who hopes to use being lost at sea as a way to perform a coup. And the mothman Iriel takes her name from Ariel, the wind spirit in The Tempest who aids the wizard Prospero in controlling the magic island. If Sailor has a "real" name, it's probably either Ferdinand or Miranda, the two lovers who manage to blend civilization and the wilderness together with their romance.)

Visually, I wanted Calibani to not be any common archetype of sea monster woman, but rather something that evokes the popular images while still being her own thing. She's not a mermaid or a siren or a selkie - she's basically "what if a sea serpent was also a girl." In-universe, she's chubby because she, like all marine megafauna, needs blubber to survive. Out-of-universe, she's chubby because I've found that routinely drawing cute chubby girls is good for my mental health.

Part 3: CYOA

Now, while we live in a post-Muncher society where shame and cringe are emotions only the cowardly should experience, I am nonetheless Very Catholic about expressing my own feelings of, like, liking girls and shit. I cannot help feeling guilty when publicly expressing adoration of women without, like, an excuse - it's gotta be a joke or something, you know? I can't be genuine about it, or else Jesus will beat me with a cane for disrespecting women with my lecherous gaze.

But luckily I've cultivated a loyal audience of fellow monsterfuckers, which meant I had an excuse lined up: if I made this a choose your own adventure type deal, a story with audience participation, then you all would be my accomplices. And Jesus can't cane all of us! He doesn't have enough hands! I found a loophole bigger than his stigmata!

Plus I love collaborative story-telling - there's a thrill in not having total control of where the narrative is going. As Brennan Lee Mulligan must know, there's a joy in having to deal with the chaos thrown your way by letting others grab the figurative ball, even if just for a moment.

Part 4: Offbeat Melody

Since I did not want to set this story in Midgaheim, I decided to steer myself away from a vaguely medieval setting altogether. But I also didn't want to limit myself with the need for "realism" that putting it in a normal sea would require, and making a new setting whole cloth would start pushing this project into "not easy" territory.

Luckily, I had a setting lying around that I hadn't played with in a while, which just so happened to have a location that was PERFECT for the sort of Never Stop Blowing Up style madness I was aiming for. For a few years I ran a Monster of the Week TTRPG campaign called Offbeat Melody, and one of its core setting elements was taking the goblin universe hypothesis in paranormal science (yeah it's a real hypothesis) to an illogical extreme. We had specifically seen glimpses of the Sea of Monsters in Offbeat Melody, i.e. the parallel universe where monsters like Nessie, Ogopogo, Champ, and the like all hail from. Well, why not have a whole story set there? It's literally a universe devoted solely to creating sea monsters - what better place to strand our modern Odysseus?

Offbeat Melody was always sort of a Never Stop Blowing Up project, or at least NSBU adjacent. Some of my most unhinged story-telling moments are in that campaign - you could make a supercut of just the "commercial breaks" in the various sessions and it'd basically be an I Think You Should Leave episode. Taking one obscure corner of its multiversal world and exploring it in detail was perfect for this project.

Part 5: Monster by Monster

With our main romance as sorted out as could be for a CYOA story, it was time to figure out the "episodes" of this sea voyage. I settled on there being ten to roughly align with The Odyssey - just in terms of number, mind you, not in a one-to-one comparison. The first was, obviously, Calibani herself, which left nine more slots for me to fill with monsters. Let's go through them together in brief:

Tree Storks - any lost at sea story eventually has to get its protagonist into an island at some point, but this immediately begs the question, "Why don't they just stay on the island where it's safe?" The answer to that question has to be, "it's not safe there, actually." The Odyssey does this quickly and cleverly with a one two punch: the first island seems safe until you realize the food on it brainwashes you into forgetting everything except your desire to eat it, and the second island is full of delicious sheep but also giants who will eat you just as easily as they eat the sheep. When other islands show up in the story later, you immediately regard them with suspicion, because you don't know HOW they're going to be fucked up, but they definitely will be. My goal with the second episode was to establish the same sort of danger - that land is NOT safe, that islands WILL be fucked up and dangerous in ways you might not expect.

I also wanted to establish that this is not just a sea of monsters, but a very WEIRD sea of WEIRD monsters. It couldn't be any old monster on this island - it had to be one that was unique, unexpected, and maybe just a bit silly while still being menacing.

I've always felt that there's a lot of un-mined horror potential in storks, cranes, and herons - any bird with a long neck and spear-like beak it uses to stab smaller creatures from above. Just imagine yourself in a frog's place in the world - tiny, going about your business, when suddenly something shoots down at you from above and impales you before you even feel the shadow fall over your face. Or perhaps you did see the shadow - some of these birds spread their wings to create shade specifically to attract fish, and then spear the poor little bastards.

Well, what do people often look to islands for when out at sea? Shade - the shade of a palm tree. And palm fronds kinda resemble feathers, don't they? Wouldn't it be both ludicrous and terrifying is there was a stork big enough to mimic a palm tree - and wouldn't that be a DEVIOUS trap for a sun-drenched sailor to fall for? So the Tree Storks were born.

The Globster - I made a list of sea monster archetypes in the early planning for this project, and one I wanted to include was a kraken, i.e. some sort of tentacled sea beast. But I didn't want to do JUST a big squid or octopus, or even a riff on them. I wanted to take the idea of "big sea monster with lots of tentacles" into a stranger direction.

Since the Sea of Monsters is explicitly the home universe of lake and sea monster cryptids, I thought it might be fun if ASWaM's kraken equivalent was a globster - just a big ball of rotten meat. I love drawing monstrous faces, so I decided it'd just be, like, MADE of hideous rotten faces, all melting and congealing together, with its tentacles doubling as the tongues of its many mouths. A perfectly wretched image that, like the Tree Storks, would do well to establish how Fucked things could get in this setting. Plus similar monsters had appeared in Offbeat Melody, which would make for a fun sense of familiarity for the, like, five or so readers of mine who had listened to that campaign before.

Captain Peter & the Dolphin - Another thing I did in the early planning stages of this project was make a list of the different sea voyage stories I know and love, the most contentious of which is The Life of Pi. That's a story that I love on a literal level but kind of hate on a figurative level - its whole theme/message is that doubt is the worst thing you can have, that if you don't commit to believing something with zealous conviction you are a coward. As a person who thinks doubt is valid, that "I don't know" is sometimes the ONLY truly valid answer to a question, I have issues with that message.

But I can't help loving the beautifully ludicrous idea of a non-anthropomorphic tiger sailing the ocean on a big Odyssey of its own. Like, if that story didn't actively hate me for being agnostic, it would be one of my favorites.

So I decided to, you know, just steal the idea of a tiger Odysseus. The tiger in The Life of Pi is named Richard Parker. Richard Parker also happens to be the name of Peter Parker's dad. Hence we get Captain Peter - the figurative son of Richard Parker, if you will. And to ratchet up the absurdity of a tiger Odysseus, I made him a pirate and the sole sailor of his voyage. Somehow, this tiger has manned a boat on his own.

Captain Peter was intended to be the hero of another story - a sign for the readers that it IS possible for a stranded person (or, in this case, tiger) to survive out here. To that end, he had to rescue our heroes from another threat, but not one that would be interesting enough to take the focus off of the tiger pirate. Originally I planned for that threat to just be a big shark, but I ended up liking my shark design too much to put it in a role that small, so I quickly designed a nasty dolphin for the role instead. I think that worked out well, honestly.

Dr. Neptune - Episodes 5 and 6 were the mid-point of this journey, so I wanted the two monsters of those to escalate things significantly. I figured episode 5 was probably a good place to FINALLY give some meaningful exposition on what was going on, and there are a lot of stories about mad scientists doing weird shit on islands in my big list of sea voyage stories I love. So we get Dr. Neptune, a classical brain-in-a-jar mad scientist who's affable enough to give more-or-less accurate exposition but loony enough to be a problem. This also felt like a good spot to remind the reader that Calibani is not just a girl with a tail but rather a Sea Monster herself, and one that we'd been making stronger by allying with.

With his human-but-not-quite nature and cyclops eye, Dr. Neptune could sort of be seen as the Polyphemus of this story, couldn't he?

The Crocodisle - One of the sea monster archetypes on my list was "the island that's actually a sleeping monster," of which there are many in mythology and folklore. My favorite is the Jasconius from the voyage of St. Brendan, mainly because it's more or less benign and actually comes back to help St. Brendan and his crew at the end of the story. I always love when I can find an old story with a friendly monster in it.

When thinking of my own spin on the island monster concept, I remembered the only Magic the Gathering card I had as a kid, which I still have and love to this day: The Sandbar Crocodile. This card already inspired Crocogon's color scheme in The Atomic time of Monsters, but I felt I could go to that well again one more time, and so made a crocodile that wasn't just a sandbar, but a whole damn island to itself. And, like Jasconius, it turns out he's pretty chill.

I did not think of the pun name "Crocodisle" until I was actually writing the chapter in question.

The Femdom Mermaids - These three were a late addition to the roster. When I had Calibani bring up mermaids early in the story, I realized as soon as I wrote her rant about them that we'd HAVE to meet some later on in the story.

The readers had significantly shaped Calibani and Sailor's romance by this point, and I decided that it could be useful to have a chapter that was devoted to showing definitively how these two were good for each other. I thought the mermaids could provide a good contrast: have them act out a seemingly more benign take on the monstrous sea women trope (they abduct our hero to protect and care for them!) only for it to quickly feel MORE deranged than Calibani's comparatively simple desire just to eat him.

The spirit of Calibani's rant about mermaids was taken from weird* girls I knew in high school complaining about cheerleaders, so I wanted the mermaids to look like the sea monster equivalent of popular kids to Calibani's chubby weird girl. Two of them got the names of famous beauties - Helyne = Helen of Troy, Clio = Cleopatra.

(*when I say "weird" I mean it in a complimentary and affectionate sense)

Bob, meanwhile, kinda... rebelled, I guess? Before I had names for them, I listed "bob" by her as just, like, a descriptor for her hair cut, but then I liked it as her name, and once she was named Bob she became more than just a mean popular girl. She was a weirdo too, the little punching bag of the two mean popular girls who did their dirty work and smiled through their abuse because hey, at least they included her. It gave the trio an easily defined dynamic, helped make two of the three more visibly nasty, and gave us comic relief in an arc that could very well have gotten too uncomfortable otherwise.

And I guess it worked - readers REALLY loved Bob, and were very vocal about it, and I realized mid-arc that I had accidentally made her too likable to just leave in this arc. So Bob got to be rescued from her awful friend group thanks to readers like YOU.

Lord Ironteeth - yeah, this was the shark that was too cool to be a minor threat. When I drew his noggin, I realized he would need a chapter of his own, one with gravitas. I decided he'd specifically be the threshold guardian -once we beat him, we'd know for sure how to get home, even if there were a few more threats in store.

Spindle Inc and Sycorax - when I was a kid I used to have this recurring nightmare about being on some sort of underwater sea station that had this huge sea serpent trapped inside it. I'd look at the sea serpent from a window within the station and see it coiling in its tank, only for it to look at me with fury. In that glance I would suddenly realize two things with absolute clarity: first, it was going to break free and kill everyone, and second, we deserved that destruction for what we had done to it. The terror of the dream was less that the sea serpent was going to break free, and more the guilt of knowing that all the mayhem that was about to unfold was our fault to begin with.

I thought that would be fun to homage with the penultimate chapter of this story. OBVIOUSLY the sea serpent was Calibani's mom, obviously the trauma of its capture was why Calibani grew into a predator that specializes in hunting humans, obviously we would have to free the sea serpent despite that running counter to Sailor's goal of getting home. Easy, easy, easy plot point to include.

Spindle, Inc. is the primary antagonistic force in Offbeat Melody, so they easily slotted into the role of the arrogant humans who captured this monster for nefarious and selfish motives. They could tie a lot of other plot threads together too - Dr. Neptune was a scientist who worked for them as a contractor only to get screwed over (i.e. they stranded him in the Sea of Monsters, expecting him to die, and then used his research to make their own base of operations in it), we'd learn of him through a spindle briefcase left behind by some unfortunate rogue agent who got eaten by the Globster while he was trying to escape, hell they could even be one of the possible origins of Sailor themself (more on that later). Very useful villains, Spindle.

The Abyssal Mother - I knew the last sea monster would need a lot of punch to it. I briefly considered just a big whale - the Moby Dick to Spindle's corporate Ahab - but it felt underwhelming after all that came before. So I went for arguably the most dramatic possible sea monster, a full on Cthulhu-style elder god. If you're a frequent follower of this blog, you might know I have particularly high standards for Eldritch Abominations, so I realized this was going to be a pretty big challenge for me to live up to, and decided to keep the cthulhu in question reserved to the last few entries as a result - the less it appears, the less it has to live up to.

I realized I had a good angle when my experiments with the Cthulhu "squid for a head" concept ended up having a face framed in shadow - you know, the same visual that our protagonist has in most appearances. That provided some very juicy parallels between the two that made this final monster feel particularly noteworthy to me, ones that I'll leave you to ponder, since they tie into...

Part 6: Themes

I did not set out to have a theme in this story. I just wanted to make a sailor and a sea monster kiss. That was my only goal.

But I really don't begin with theme in ANY of my writing. I figure out topics I want to address, but for all my novels I feel like the themes didn't start coming together until about halfway through the first draft, when enough of the elements of the story had been set down and interacted with each other enough for me to realize what I was saying with them. A huge part of my second and third drafts for my novels have focused on making the themes of my stories more concrete and unified.

Well, ASWaM is very much a first draft of a story, but it's a simple enough story that I think the theme found itself pretty well despite lacking subsequent drafts to refine it.

ASWaM is about doubt and direction. It's about being adrift in a world that is in many ways hostile by nature, about not feeling like you're where you're supposed to be or even WHO you're supposed to be, and about setting off aimlessly in the hope that maybe you'll find your way to that mythical land of "what my life is supposed to be."

When I began the story, Sailor had amnesia and wore clothes that obscured their identity as a way to make it easier for anyone to step into Sailor's role. Sailor had to feel like You, the Reader, and so we don't know their name, their gender, their eye color, their hair color, even their skin color (note that their hands are always wearing gloves, and their face is always in shadow).

But it also meant Sailor is, well, undefined, at least at the start of the story. Sailor doesn't know who they are, what they are, how they came to be. Sailor feels distinctly that they should be Something Else, should be Somewhere Else, should be Someone Else, should not be who/what/where they are. Sailor is plagued by doubt, by a need to go in a different direction, by a need to be other than they are.

This initially contrasts with Calibani, who begins the story very confident that she is doing exactly what she was designed to be doing and acting exactly like she should be. As they interact, they begin to shift each other in opposite directions - Calibani questions her existence and nature, sometimes to a self destructive degree, and Sailor begins to find something about who and where they are that they like. They find a healthy middle ground together - doubtful enough to want to be better people, but with love for themselves that allows them to not feel the need to up-heave their lives entirely.

I knew at the start that I would build an expectation for there to be some answer to the question of who Sailor is and where they came from, because those are the questions that begin the whole narrative. I brainstormed a number of answers to those questions, but once I got a few chapters into writing the story and saw this theme of doubt developing, I realized I couldn't answer them. From a thematic standpoint, the doubt HAD to remain. So I gave hints to possible answers, bits of evidence to support the possibility of them being true, but never planted a smoking gun that answered it for sure.

Sailor can't know the answer because NONE of us know the answer. Outside of blind Life of Pi style faith, you cannot know for sure that you are living the life you're supposed to live. All you can do is figure out whether you're happy with the life you've got, or if you need a change. Sailor will never know who they are supposed to be, but they did learn who they are, and they love that person now.

For those curious, the possible Sailor origins are:

Occam's Razor: they're exactly what Dr. Neptune theorized, i.e. a human who got stranded in the Bermuda Triangle (or the Devil's Triangle or any other number of paranormal triangles) and fell into the Sea of Monsters. The trauma of that experience gave them amnesia. It's just brain damage and bad luck.

A Spindle Experiment: Dr. Warefore mentions that Spindle has been trying to find a way to make a human who can evolve like the denizens of the Sea of Monsters. Sailor may well be an attempt to do just that, perhaps one they wrote off as a failure and abandoned (they do that a lot)

A Deep One: Sailor is the offspring of one of the denizens of the Sea of Monsters (most likely the Abyssal Mother herself) who has somehow been tricked into believing they are human, to the point where they seem to be human to everyone else, even other monsters. Maybe a human summoned a sea monster to breed with on earth, and Sailor ended up being subconsciously drawn back to the Sea by their blood. Maybe Sailor never actually lived on earth at all, but was only made to THINK they had as part of the transformation into a human.

The Platonic Ideal of a Sailor: the Sea of Monsters is full of archetypal concepts, and arguably a sailor trying to find their way home is just as archetypal as any sea serpent, mermaid, or kraken. Our only proof that humans aren't native to the Sea of Monsters is Dr. Neptune, and he's not as reliable an expert as he claims to be.

This theme of doubt and direction also made the compass more important to the narrative than a simply mechanic for audience participation - a compass, after all, gives direction, and the feeling that Sailor is not where they're supposed to be, that they need to head in a different direction, is ultimately the catalyst of the plot. The compass is, in many ways, the antagonist of the story - the force that keeps Sailor from accepting themself. I realized this a little after I started making the different directions have personalities - initially they just represented broad concepts (North = follow conventional wisdom ala the North Star, South = preserve your short-term self interest at all costs, East = act with curiosity and be willing to take calculated risks, and West = throw caution to the wind and do anything that seems novel and exciting), but over time they became little characters themselves.

Since it was our thematic antagonist, I decided to pepper in some ideas about what the compass might be in-universe - and, in a move that would no doubt frustrate the compass, we also don't know for sure which of those is "correct." Is the compass a poltergeist, some amalgamation of dead sailors who try to steer other lost souls home? Is it a malign entity that leeches off of those desperate enough to seek its aid, living through them while pretending to aid them? Is it a device Spindle made to lure sailors to their clutches, OR to guide their experiments in human/monster hybrids? Was it a cursed item that forced a sea monster to assume a human shape? Who can say - the compass sure can't, it can only tell you a direction to go in.

Part 7: Q&A

Since this was an interactive story, I felt it was only fitting to add one last interactive element to this post-script write up, and some of your happily obliged me by sending in questions.

When I noticed how fast readers were falling for Calibani, I figured there was a good chance we'd end up staying in the Sea of Monsters. By chapter 7, I figured it was more or less a given, and by the end of the Lord Ironteeth encounter I was almost 100% sure Sailor would remain at sea. There was always a chance, though - while a look at the polls shows that the audience got more and more on the same page towards the end, there were always dissenting voices, and the desire to get an answer to the question of Who Sailor Was remained strong, as a number of people kept trying to find angles where they could get that AND stay with Calibani.

I was surprised early on by how easily the audience fell in love with Calibani, to the point where I made a few posts commenting on it. I mean, I shouldn't have been - as I said earlier, I have cultivated an audience of fellow monsterfuckers on here, and I know at least a few of them saw my bait and knew they could get me to be freaky in a way we found mutually agreeable (thank you all again for helping me escape being caned by Jesus for being horny).

Like, we REPEATEDLY ignored developing the plot in the Tree Storks chapter for several days just to spend more time with Calibani - something that I enjoyed immensely (this whole thing was an excuse for me to write and draw a cute chubby sea monster girl as much as possible aftter all) but also knew as a storyteller was not what most would consider a good story call. I like how it turned out, but it defied conventional narrative wisdom, you know? I was surprised.

On the other side of the coin, I was also surprised by how the audience NEVER chose an option that was humorously disastrous. I gave plenty of them, and, like, generally in collaborative storytelling there will be at least one moment where your collaborators decide to do the really, REALLY stupid thing that makes everything spiral out of control really quickly. I figured at least once the audience would choose the troll response, but no, you guys worked hard to keep Sailor and Calibani alive. You refused to let them hurt each other, refused to let them throw themselves into danger, refused to imperil them for your own chuckles. It was very sweet and unexpected.

I say "you refused" but to be fair it's not like NO ONE voted for the troll options - they generally got a handful of votes, just one that was beaten by a landslide of more reasonable options. Hopefully those of you who voted for the troll options enjoyed Bob throwing you a bone by disintegrating Dr. Warefore - that was my consolation prize to you.

Yes. I knew at the beginning that there would be two endings for this story: either Sailor leaves the Sea and goes home, or Sailor stays there forever. Or, you know, Sailor dies as a result of you guys choosing several stupid options in a row, but as stated above you guys avoided those scenarios pretty decisively.

Had Sailor gone home, the following would have occurred: first, they would forget everything that happened in the Sea of Monsters. Second, they would wake up in a hospital, having been found in the Atlantic Ocean by a human-recovery charity run by... oh, isn't that funny, some tech company named Spindle Inc! Spindle would foot the medical bills and even offer Sailor a job, but Sailor would decline because even now they're still not sure what Spindle even does. Sailor would go back to their life and find it familiar and utterly mundane, but not particularly happy. Their father died when they were 18, their mother was never in the picture, they have no siblings. They worked an office job and were sort of a nonentity - that position has long since been filled, but Sailor gets a new job and lives out much the same life: simple, mundane, dreary. Every now and then they get a pang of desire to leave, to go to sea, but they push it out of mind. They never even see the ocean again as long as they live.

Sailor would have gotten the normal life they thought they were supposed to have, the normal memories and name and identity, the mundane life of a normal person. And they just had to trade everything they found in the Sea of Monsters to get it. A question is answered, a direction is followed, but is it the right answer, the right direction?

Well, I think doubt would have remained.

I had a very vague idea for there to be some sort of man-eating giant in, like, a crystal castle. He got cut to make way for the mermaids.

I wanted to fit in a big whale and a giant crustacean, but there wasn't room or an interesting angle for me to want to make room for them. Saved for a possible sequel, I suppose.

I also wanted to have a scene with, like, DOZENS of sea monsters, including some of the ones from Offbeat Melody, but the goal of "this should be EASY you dumbass" made me kill that idea pretty quick.

Thank you!

The primary inspirations were:

The Odyssey and Epic: the Musical

The voyage of St. Brendan

The many "weird shit happens on an island" movies in Toho's filmography, i.e. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, Son of Godzilla, Yog Monster of the Deep, Matango, etc.

The Island of Dr. Moreau

The Boy and the Heron

Ponyo (specifically Ponyo's parents - I wanted Sailor to have the same desperate energy as that wizard who fucks the giant sea goddess)

The Life of Pi

Slay the Princess (perhaps most obvious in the use of second person narration, multiple voices in the protagonist's head, and falling in love with a creature that has tried to kill you at least once)

I'm going to use this to springboard to a related point in a second, but first a genuine yet humorous answer: Yes, absolutely yes, I am enough of a big romantic sap that I would give everything about my life away to be with a person who loves me and explore a world of monsters in a heartbeat. Hell, I would have jumped in the water the minute Calibani asked and died with her fangs in my neck and a smile on my face. I am dumb this way. Do not follow my example.

On that related point, though... Most stories like this, I daresay ALL stories like this that I know of, end with the hero abandoning the fantasy world in favor of reality, never to return. And that seems like the proper choice and lesson on the surface - we don't want to tell audiences to give up their real life in favor of a fantasy, after all. That's encouraging escapism, and that's not healthy!

But, like... textually speaking, the fantastical world IS real to the characters in these stories. And it's often not really an escape - was Sailor's life devoid of conflict and suffering in the Sea of Monsters? Fuck no! It's just that they figured out how to deal with that conflict and suffering - they built skills and a support system, they adapted, they learned how to overcome what was there.

I think it can be argued that sometimes the return to a "normal" world is, in itself, an escape - the idea that your life can spiral into chaos but that's ok, you can just reset everything and go back to The Way It Was and Should Be is just as unrealistic and unhealthy an idea as You Should Escape to A Better World. Sometimes your plans for your life fall apart, sometimes you're thrown into a place you never intended to go, sometimes you have to learn skills you never anticipated needing and ally with people you never thought you'd befriend to deal with problems you never dreamed you'd have to overcome. And sometimes it's ok to look at your derailed life, your Not Where You Should Be life, and say, "Well, I've learned how to live here... maybe I can stay."

Especially if there's a cute chubby sea monster girl who loves you.

Bob was never supposed to appear past chapter 7, but about halfway through that chapter I realized the audience and I myself would be heartbroken if we didn't rescue her. Definitely for the best - she provided some well-needed comic relief in the final chapters.

This is gonna sound snarky, but, yeah - there were 58 choices with four options a piece, and we only chose one of the four. While some of the options would have similar results, almost none would have had identical outcomes. And some would have been VERY different.

Like, to go back to the beginning: when Calibani attacked, we could either throw a net on her, harpoon her, try to drive around her, or hide below deck. We picked the net, but for the other three options:

Harpooning would result in us hitting her in the thigh, causing her enough pain that she collapses on our deck and we, horrified at the violence we committed, just sort of push on. Calibani would be wounded for at least the next chapter, perhaps longer, and significantly weaker (and probably harboring a great deal of hidden resentment while also being genuinely scared of Sailor). She would be vulnerable during the stork attack, forcing Sailor to take a more active role in that chapter.

Trying to steer around her would result in us essentially fighting her with our boat, resulting in the boat capsizing and Calibani getting tangled up in it. We'd wake up alone on Stork Island and have to travel in search of our boat, alone and vulnerable among man-eating trees. We'd run into Calibani again, also beached and in trouble, end up recruiting her to help us get our boat out of the sand.

Hiding below deck would end in a sea storm that leaves us inside our boat as it's beached on Stork Island. We'd fend off the storks alone, and run into Calibani once we get our boat out to sea, as she got away more or less unscathed.

All of these would have majorly changed the trajectory of our relationship with Calibani and our identity as Sailor, despite seeming to have the same component parts on the surface. Now account for how similarly slight changes in the other options could have gone, and we could have had a very different story indeed.

Part 8: Our Girl

I just think she's neat!

#At Sea Without a Map

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elvearryn · 22 hours ago

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König + Horangi Headcanons

Regrettably, the brainrot has taken hold of me properly, so this was always going to be an inevitable post

(This is also a chance for me to compile and work out my characterization of these two, as a sort of warm-up exercise for writing them).

All SFW! Trigger warning for mention of scars, alcohol, gambling, violence (military), you know Call of Duty typical stuff

All the headcanons for each are separate for each character, a few mentions of Horangi in König’s list but that’s it

That being said, here are my headcanons for König and Horangi 🙏

Horangi bites the inside of his cheek when he’s thinking really hard or having an internal emotional tug of war about something, he actually developed this habit because he used to instinctively press his tongue against the inside area of his cheek that had been scarred (if you’ve seen the popular design where he has a scar from about the corner of his lip up to his cheekbone, and yeah. I like that concept a lot)

Horangi used to drink and smoke heavily, as part of his gambling days. He dropped that habit when he joined the military, and to this day absolutely resents heavy alcohol of any kind, but doesn’t actively avoid milder alcohol as much as he does the stronger stuff, he just doesn’t see the appeal in it anymore

Speaking of which, Horangi sucks at gambling, in fact he’s so terrible at it it’s a wonder he stayed in the business so long. He actually wound up so far in debt because he kept telling himself “it’s not statistically possible that I can never win.” So he kept trying to prove he was capable of winning (he wasn’t.) Eventually, he did quit, escaping debt by fleeing normal civilian life in the process

Horangi hasn’t touched gambling since, he’s wary of even simple card games (glances judgmentally at uno). Even if he still gets that itch sometimes, he curbs it by playing games that don’t involve luck at all

By that I mean Horangi loves strategy games. A downright freak about them even, this way he’s not risking any money on card games that might be rigged… (Horangi chess menace, anyone..? Not promising that he won’t try to cheat in checkers) and he swears like a sailor whenever he loses

Any rush Horangi used to get from gambling is gone anyway, nothing can compare to the adrenaline spike from being on missions. In comparison, gambling feels like a watered down high and a desaturated painting, it wasn’t anything like the vivid colors of the battle field experience… and even that could get boring sometimes…

(That is not encouragement to throw yourself into combat 💧)

Horangi loves silver jewelry, especially rings. But never wears anything gold or with gems on it, he prefers the sheen of silver, and thicker jewelry too, heavy banded rings and he actually considers his dog tags as something of a fashion statement… there was a point in his life where he had his ears pierced, and only ever wore silver or black for those, however the piercings have since closed up as they would have been a hindrance in his military work

When Horangi was a kid, he wanted to be able to skateboard, the kind of kid who thought kick flips and riding rails down the stairs was the coolest thing, unfortunately he was never really all that good on wheels, and didn’t have the time to master the hobby

(He sure as hell can snowboard though. Don’t ask me; it came to me in a vision)

Horangi was actually planning to get full tattoo sleeves on his arms, but discovered that he was somewhat unnerved by the constant jabbing of the ink needle when he got his wrists and forearms done the first time around, since then he’s been a little wary about getting more. It’s not that his pain tolerance is low, or that he’s scared of the process, he’s just kind of annoyed by the way it’s done and the time it takes since it leaves him with nothing to really do while he waits with the incessant jabbing of the needle… yeah, he’s not a fan

Horangi has scars on his back (tiger scars!!!) from his youth, they’re not pretty or nice to look at, all ridged flesh and awkward lines, he couldn’t sleep on his back for weeks while they healed; and even after that there was phantom pain.

Because of these scars, Horangi dislikes having his back to anyone even more than the usual soldier. Not because he got the scars in that way, but simply because he’s subconsciously aware of them being there and he doesn’t like the idea of having them out in the open (even though he knows they can’t be seen when he’s dressed)

Horangi likes to doodle, no he’s not a good artist, he just likes to scribble on things, drawing in the dirt with a stick when he was a kid kind of thing, always carries a pen with him and doodles when he’s bored

Horangi is a great swimmer, like athlete level good at it. Do not try to race him, he will win

Is an avid language enjoyer, Horangi actually likes exploring different languages and how they work phonetically as well as alphabetically. His English is remarkably good, even with his thick accent

On that note, Horangi’s penmanship is… less than perfect. Maybe a small case of doctor’s handwriting if you know what I mean. He tends to slant his words a bit, and it looks a little like chicken scratch, but it’s charming in its own right

Horangi likes rock and rap, I think when he was a teen he would have really liked No Brain, especially the song “내 가죽잠바 My Leather Jacket” as well as western heavy metal, though he likes rap and hip hop too, anything fast paced or with a heavy beat (guilty pleasure listening might be lighter r&b) if you saw Gangnam style in his playlist, no you didn’t

If Horangi played an instrument it would be electric guitar, but only as an excuse to shred until the callouses on his fingers split and he had to wait for new ones to develop

Horangi is selfless to a fault, he likes to think he wouldn’t go through hell and back for just about anyone when he knows deep down he would in a heartbeat, he’s always cared deeply about others, he just struggles a little to express it, very much more of a subdued affection kind of guy, shown through little actions instead of straightforward declarations which are a rarity, but do happen

Horangi likes the military because it gave him purpose and direction. And best of all- an outlet. What else was he supposed to do with his somewhat short fuse and need to release pent up energy? Bashing up enemy forces seemed a good enough way as any

Horangi takes his coffee black, americano. (Shamelessly stole this headcanon from his voice actor…)

Bonus :

(His words not mine, do with this information what you will)

Now… König is somewhat of a difficulty for me to work through, he’s a bit of a silly bastard I can say that much. Still working on disemboweling him to understand how he works so his list might be a bit shorter, but I’ll try my damndest

König is clumsy, not in a “whoops I fell down the stairs silly me…” way but in a “where the hell did I leave my keys..?” kind of way, which is funny because he always struck me as someone who pays attention to detail while also having situational blindness, like “holy shit there was a car right there” even when you could ask him what the arrangement of crates were in a cargo shipment and he could tell you exactly without needing to think hard about it

König is absolutely incapable of keeping himself still, one of the reasons he was denied the position of a sniper… whether it be literally twiddling his thumbs, or bouncing his leg, he is always moving one part of his body at any given time

Two words, bad liar… König is a terrible liar even, not even consciously he just isn’t good at not giving an honest answer, especially if it’s to people he’s comfortable being around. Shifting eyes, clenched jaw, kicked puppy sort of demeanor if he’s actively trying to withhold the truth, he’s bad at covering it up unless he’s annoyed, then he can evade giving a straight answer but otherwise he can be read like an open book

In terms of social interaction, König is not some sort of inept stuttering dork, rather I would simply describe him as a little out of his element in mundane social settings. He’s a menace on the field, and he’s comfortable with that, when he isn’t occupied with something physically or mentally demanding however… he’s a tad socially awkward. But he’s still brazen and a little cocky, albeit easily annoyed or flustered (not blushing wreck flustered, just at a loss for words and maybe a few confused blinks if anything)

König is also competitive and a bit of a grump honestly, he takes things personally and tends to overthink, maybe a bit of a bad habit that involves twisting things in his mind until they’re warped from what they initially were, but yeah he’s gonna take things as a challenge or a jab at his abilities (inferiority complex coming back with a vengeance in the form of feeling like he needs to prove himself constantly)

That’s not to say König isn’t a “gentle giant” he does have a soft spot and isn’t prone to picking fights himself, but he’s also… bipolar for lack of a better word, he would definitely treat something with the most tenderness his large hands can allow, but then turn around and obliterate an entire unit with a blind sort of unhinged arrogance that doesn’t take kindly to being rivaled

König is like a barely domesticated guard dog with self worth issues that present themselves through mild narcissism and social insecurity. Again, he’s a madman, just listen to his voicelines, Horangi may look insane on the outside but he’s actually relatively stable, König on the other hand is like a carefully constructed bridge made of entirely weak points that are holding themselves together by faint pressure and the whole thing is covered in tape that mask wounds instead of bandaids

If König played an instrument it would be drums, he needs to be able to bash on things, I think he would get frustrated with something like guitar or bass

König is a bit demanding with things he wants, and likes to think he can get what he wants with relatively little struggle, not that he’s a spoiled brat by any means, just that he sees something and goes “I want that.” And isn’t afraid to say that he wants it, and that’s basically saying “I intend to get it” but he also does have manners, and isn’t exactly extroverted, but he has an obvious sort of intensity about him that really shines on the field, he likes a good fight

(Que “Finally some worthy adversaries!” line)

König knows he’s strong and is confident in his abilities, but despite knowing this he still doesn’t take praise well. Or compliments, he’s all sure of his abilities until someone points out he did a good job and suddenly he has no idea what to say, similarly if he thinks he can handle something and voices that, and someone replies “yeah you’re right, you’ve got this” he’d be like “???” because he’s not used to the positive reciprocation, he’s used to only having himself and the physical proof that he can do things and do them well, so when someone points it out he’s at a loss

König is more likely to let German slip into his speaking than Horangi is to let Korean slip into his, König’s English also isn’t as good as Horangi’s

König is a little possessive and can get defensive too. Stems from his childhood, being picked on a bit he learned to keep his stuff close to him and be careful who he shares with if at all, and is not trusting even if on the outside he appears relatively open despite his social awkwardness

However, König likes having instructions and knowing what exactly needs to be done, he’s organized and likes not always having to make a lot of complex decisions— the structure of the military gives him a way to keep himself occupied in this manner. And he likes feeling like he has a use, even if it’s not exactly what he wanted

(He’s still bitter about not being a sniper).

König’s handwriting is surprisingly nice, it’s neat and simple, but he doesn’t write paper and pencil often, in fact he usually records numbers and data if anything, and types everything else. He likes using digital tablets

König takes his coffee sweet, and doesn’t care about the temperature, he’ll drink coffee that started out warm and sat out long enough to get cold.

Rammstein fan? König is guilty. Also loves Slipknot and Korn. Orange Sector fan to the end too. His guilty pleasure is instrumental music. (Sometimes he and Horangi share their music with one another)

König wears his hair long (not super long, just a little unkempt and about jaw length), and he has stubble. He keeps his hair tied in a low bun for missions, on leave and for downtime he’ll tie the bun higher

König is shockingly loyal, like makes a conscious effort to be loyal to people, and is surprisingly thoughtful about little things that others wouldn’t really pay much mind too. It’s sort of a subconscious thing actually, he remembers a lot of insignificant stuff for no real reason, it just sticks

In König’s mind, he has a few jokes he came up with that he thinks are hilarious but has never had a chance to say them and is also a little doubtful other people would be as amused as him, so he keeps them to himself.

(Horangi might luck out one day)

Cough… and that’s all!! I’ll update this if I ever think of any more. But yeah, that’s all I got. Hope you enjoyed

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makerofmadness · 2 days ago

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ok so: Beast-Ancients Swap AU but actually the Beasts messed up the timeline and made it one

(I will explain I swear-) The following sprite edits and designs were a collaborative effort of me and @driftwoodmfb

(Lily's design and edit is not finished yet, and Ssalt isn't getting one until that character is released-)

general shoutouts to Driftwood for collaborating with me on this in a lot of aspects btw she's the mvp of this whole project

I am Very bad at concise descriptions but basically: "5v5 climactic final showdown occurs but the bad guys win and then the group consensus on what to all do together to compromise thanks to slightly different priorities is 'Hey we all really hate the ancients now so let's just like. Screw them over' so they basically used their combined virtues' powers or something (look all of this I came up with just to justify the AU's actual concept) to like reset and alter the timeline to swap their places with the ancients basically. and then they kinda accidentally get redemption arc'd in the process. Meanwhile the og ancients... are not happy"

I'm def gonna post more about these guys in the future (and also I like. Encourage people to send asks because I need enrichment dndndnmd! I have a ton of stuff sitting around about them and I love talking about them- so. Here's my attempt at an overview (I. Suck at being concise this took all day to not make way too long dndndndm):

Shadow Milk Cookie - Calls himself the Dark Moon Magician. He's quite braggadocious and more than a little mischievous, quite the show-off too, but he has a good heart down there (nowadays). Though he has often had to be badgered by the Light of Truth into actually telling the truth on things...

Eternal Sugar Cookie - You'll meet them someday. Just not now.

Mystic Flour Cookie - Her face and voice do not do much to express how much she despises the Cookie she used to be, and the Cookie she still sees whenever she looks in the mirror. She is the most eager to come clean to her Cookies, but something is holding her back... she decides to save it for when she has finally repented enough by her standards, to earn her position as queen. It's never enough.

Burning Spice Cookie - For the kingdom he rules, you may (or may not) be surprised seeing how little he cares for material riches. To him, lived experiences are the most precious things- hence why he's always looking for a good fight. Or to just have fun with those close to him- which is not many as he has had a history of issues- after all, transient things fall to time, but the impressions they leave can last up to forever...

Silent Salt Cookie - The fallen hero. It wasn't supposed to happen again. They all knew it could happen, they agreed to prevent it. Why did they make the same mistake...?

Pure Vanilla Cookie - The embodiment of the most common lie. He can string Cookies up to make them move and speak against their wills. He does this to himself often, when he grows tired. He is very ashamed of what he has become, but no matter, he will be fine once he regains the light of Truth, and exposes the truth of this world to all Cookiekind...

Hollyberry Cookie - Berry juice is a comfort to her, such is why she had wished so badly to drown her mind and all her pain in it. She is... frankly, harmless the way she is now. She doesn't have the power, pride or energy to fight. Her heart is just as full of love as it's always been, even if her mind's gone fluffy as frosting. So much that even being in a permanent stupor won't stop her from missing her family, still...

Dark Cacao Cookie - As he describes himself fully, an empty vessel without a will of his own, whose only goal is to carry out the will of fate. He will play his part in this story, for he knows there is no other way. After all, they'd tried to resist already, and it was all in vain. He is cold, empty, such was his resolve: to be unburdened by feeling, so that he would feel no pain...

Golden Cheese Cookie - Calls herself the Demonic Goddess. When she gets upset, she tends to fly into fits of destruction- which she has become very, very good at causing. She laughs it off, she laughs a lot in general, but she really does not like what she's become. However, she is still the same greedy Cookie as she always was, and still wants nothing more than to annihilate the ones who had displaced her and her friends and take back what is rightfully hers...

White Lily Cookie - Founder of the Lily Kingdom. She is a stern, serious figure who tries to keep everything under her control. She quickly silences those who tell her what she does not wish to hear untrue, unkind, or unnecessary things. She does not get very openly emotional often, and tends to address everyone with the same attitude even if it's her friends. (They can generally tell when she means well). She plans to silence all lies from Cookies' mouths, especially regarding who the "Heroes" and "Beasts" are...

(i. Never mentioned the name of the AU itself the whole time in this post did I? Ok uh that's Immemorial Interchange btw if I ever say that or II then I'm talking about this thing for future reference XD)

Edit: I have a tag on my blog for the au and I just kinda post whatever I feel like. Hope y'all can enjoy this I'm probably gonna be dumping a lot of stuff I've held on to. And I would love it if people send asks X3

#cookie run #cookie run au #crk au #cookie run kingdom #shadow milk cookie #pure vanilla cookie #eternal sugar cookie #hollyberry cookie #mystic flour cookie #dark cacao cookie #burning spice cookie #golden cheese cookie #silent salt cookie #white lily cookie #I see there's a tag for “beast ancients au” but it appears that's mostly for a specific au by someone #I think I see some other people use it so idk but I don't wanna risk uh. Infringing /silly so I won't use it X3 #Immemorial Interchange AU #<- hey. Hey driftwood look I did it I posted it it's live it's Born at last X3

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hootshooch · 2 days ago

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BG3 Headcanons - Food/Meals

Wyll: he hunts and forage for the group up whenever they're low on camp supplies. he lived in the wild for 7 years, of course he knows how to do that!! and if Gale isn't cooking for some reason, he will volunteer to do it and it always shit like meat and potatoes wrapped in foil and roasted inside the fire. everyone loves it (born to be a ranger forced to be a warlock </3)

Shadowheart: she... can't really cook. if she NEEDED to she could make something decent to get by, but otherwise she can'f cook for shit. it's not that she doesn't WANT to, she's just never been in an enviornment where someone really taught her how to cook beyond the basics. she's also a little bit of a picky eater but never really says anything about it (minor spoilers: if she survives, her mom sends her a recipe for a cheese bake so I also HC that her mom starts teaching her how to cook a lot more and she ends up loving it).

Lae'zel: she eats almost as much as Karlach does. she's just one of those people who never seems to gain weight no matter how much she inhales because she has a wicked metabolism and is constantly excersing. she's not as loud about her appetite but she WILL keep on going back for seconds and thirds and will deflect if someone asks her about it and say "a warrior must always remained replenished and prepared for battle" or something to that effect. but my girl's just chronically hungry

Karlach: always forgets about her dirty dishes after meals. will never clean her own cups and bowls after eating unless someone reminds her. But she doesn't do it on purpose!! she genuinely just forgets (ADHD...) and feels really bad about it afterwards. it drives Gale nuts. she's a super messy eater, too. likes to suck the marrow straight out of the bones and crap. this also drives Gale nuts

Gale: when he cooks for the party he will always refuse help, no matter how much they insist—he claims it's from a sense of altruism but in reality he just can't stand other people being around him when he cooks. he has a very specific way that he likes do to things and it pisses him off when he feels like people are getting in the way of what he's doing. his food is always great, though

Astarion: though he can't really taste any food (aside from blood) but he CAN feel the "kick" in spicy foods because of the capcaisin. if he ever eats food that's even a little bit spicy all he'll notice is the heat (which is predictably unpleasant for him). the tadparty used to make fun of him for having a low spice tolerance until they learned that he's a spawn and realized that he can't handle spicy food because there's just nothing to balance it out for him. karlach still makes fun of him for it (but after that point he doesn't really eat food anyway because he doesn't feel the need to "blend in" anymore)

#thought I should mention that gith in general are described as having really large appetites #because they have smaller digestive systems than humans #so lae'zel being a food vacuum has a basis in canon too #also noticing that I project onto gale a lot. whoops #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 headcanons #wyll ravenguard #shadowheart #lae'zel #karlach #gale dekarios #astarion

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luciaintheskyainthi · 16 hours ago

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Continuing that same ask, it would be funny to see May be introduced to Jason and Bruce. Burning down Alfred's kitchen while tried to help with dinner.

And obviously the typical 'meeting your boyfriend's parents talk'

mmkay so I actually love the idea of Jason being super nervous about meeting May? Like, he fusses over his hair and his fit, all the while Peter knows May's just going to look at Jason and think: this is a young man in need of a maternal figure. ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

He tries to warn reassure Jason but to no avail. Jason's on a doom spiral, and when they meet he barely says anything, just gives monosyllabic answers to any of her questions.

And then of course, there's a disaster in the kitchen (I love the HC of May being a terrible cook, even if in the comics that's patently untrue), Jason offers (more like, Peter shoves him in there) to finish make dinner and lo and behold, he manages to loosen up. By the time they're eating, May's rigged him into the neighbourhood bookclub and Peter's practically sidelined from the conversation. And Peter realises he's made another mistake, because now he's got competition ( •̀ ω •́ )y

If May were to meet Bruce, she'd be sceptical. She's met Tony Stark, she's not about to be impressed by yet another billionaire. She's pleasantly surprised when he's not a massive ass like Tony is though. So she figures, what the hell, I'll give it a try.

And then she brings out: The Plan.

The Plan that Peter specifically asked her not to bring. The one he thought they'd be safe from, because her bag's small, there's no way she can bring that massive ring-binder along.

Wrong. She's made it A5. it's been condensed. It fits into her handbag. Out comes this mini ring-binder and off she goes, running through her humanitarian ambitions with FEAST and New York and all the ways that the Martha Foundation can join forces to make a bigger, better impact on not just NYC but also Gotham.

And once again, Peter's sidelined from the conversation because of course this is something Bruce Wayne, the guy who's been warring with Tony Stark for position of #1 philanthropist* (at least, ever since Stark saw the light and became Iron Man), would be interested in The Plan.

Were it not for the fact it clearly does a hell of a lot of good, Peter would attempt to sabotage all future meetings. Because now there's another one who's warring for May's attention. And this one... this one's not son material.... ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

*we're kindly ignoring here how philanthropy is used by the rich to avoid paying taxes and mostly actually sucks, mmkay?

#existential crisis mode #peter parker x jason todd #spiderman in gotham

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nincel69 · 1 day ago

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The curious case of Trent and Courtney

Time to play the plunger and bring up old shit! There are, to my knowledge, three interpretations of Trent and Courtney’s relationship to each other: Trent’s version, Courtney’s version, and limited outside perspective. I’ll try to remain non-biased as someone who is both a NIN fan and a Hole fan (though I do think that Courtney Love sucks as a person).

I’ll start with Courtney. Now according to her, while on tour opening up for NIN, her and Trent started sleeping together. She claims that Trent “treated her like a groupie” but became “too needy” when they hooked up. She goes on the Howard Stern show and accuses Trent of being paranoid and hiring a PI team to stalk her. She drops his name pretty often throughout the nineties and on multiple occasions has made body-shaming jokes about him, saying things like “nine inch nails? More like three inch nails” (insinuating that Trent has a small Johnston (which I personally don’t believe because I don’t want to lol)). There was even a point where Courtney claimed to be pregnant with Trent’s child. I feel that we should keep in mind that Courtney has name dropped a lot of celebrities that she’s allegedly hooked up with and has been caught lying on numerous occasions. Courtney’s version of the events are a lot less believable, in my opinion, because she has such a long history of telling lies for clout. I think later in the nineties Courtney actually called Trent and apologized for all the shit she talked about him in the press. However, years later she’d go on to accuse him of sexual assault against her and other underage girls on the self destruct tour, but came back out a day later and said that it wasn’t true.

Now according to Trent, he liked Hole’s latest record at the time and had them on tour with NIN for a short period of time, I believe this was shortly after Kurt’s death. Trent recalls, one night, that he saw her at a club, completely wasted, and exposing herself on a pool table to a crowd of people (a story corroborated by Kennedy). He says he felt bad for her in that moment and felt like she could use a friend. So the two did become friends and Trent has said that she is very smart but “you wouldn’t guess it by the way she acts”. Shortly after the tour, Trent claims that Courtney became obsessed with him after he turned her down romantically, started stalking and harassing him and even followed him back down to his home in New Orleans (also corroborated by Kennedy). He’s always denied the rumors of the two of them having a sexual relationship and regarding Courtney’s claim that she was pregnant with his child, Trent states that “it would be the second immaculate conception.” He’s adamant that Courtney managed to deceive him into thinking she was a victim and in need of support when, according to him, she is actually an incredibly manipulative person who is obsessed with fame and public image. Trent also says that Courtney ruined his relationship with Tori Amos due to these rumors. I admittedly don’t know much about Tori but from the way she speaks about him, it’s clear that they were more than just friends at one point or another, Tori even saying “if he were a eunuch it wouldn’t even matter.” In reference to his tongue (This has nothing to do with anything else, I just thought it was funny asf if true). Trent would go on to make the song “Starfuckers inc.” which, in part, is about Courtney Love, a song which pokes fun at self-obsessed rockstars brown nosing and selling themselves out for fame.

Now according to outside perspectives, specifically Kennedy, a popular Mtv host at the time who had been good friends with both Courtney and Trent at one point, Trent talked to her on the phone about seeing Courtney romantically, saying that he believes her to actually be a very good person. Kennedy, who was already aware of Courtney’s red flags and toxicity, vehemently urged him to leave the relationship. However, Trent didn’t heed the warning and the two dated for a short period. Later when Courtney started making negative remarks about Trent’s Johnston, he publicly denied that there was ever a relationship between the two. Kennedy alludes to there being a dramatic love triangle (presumably with Tori Amos).

Tori would go on to bash both Courtney and Trent at her shows and even wrote a song about Courtney titled “professional widow”. Tori even uses the word “Starfucker” in the song which is the title of the aforementioned NIN song.

I’m sure the truth lies somewhere in between all these perspectives. Now, on which side I believe most, just given all the information here I would have to say Trent. I do believe that Courtney wasn’t lying about hooking up with Trent, being that it’s also confirmed by Kennedy, but as for everything else, it simply reads as Courtney being bitter about being rejected and wanting to start shit (which is kinda her thing). And it’s understandable that Trent would publicly deny the relationship, given the awful things Courtney has said about him. But since Kennedy also confirms Courtney’s toxic behaviors, I’m led to believe that Courtney was manipulating Trent in some way and began harassing him after the tour. In acknowledgment of the sexual assault allegations, I’m not going to say I don’t believe Courtney on that, because that goes beyond just drama and tea and it’s not really my place to speak on it personally. It’s worth saying that she has been right about these kinds of allegations in the past (specifically with Harvey Weinstein). I don’t want to believe this but at the end of the day, we don’t know Trent personally. He could very easily have threatened her into taking back the allegations shortly after she came out with them. However, there is no further evidence to prove that these allegations are true other than Courtney’s story which has changed multiple times. I mean, just by the way Courtney talks about Trent you can get the vibe that she’s kind of obsessed with him.

All this being said, I just end up feeling bad for Tori Amos.

BUT THATS JUST A THEORY

#sorry for formatting I wrote all of this down on my phone at work #this is just my opinion of the story and I just wanted to info dump rq #trent reznor #nine inch nails #nin #hole #courtney love #grunge #goth #industrial

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prismagpie · 21 hours ago

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It’s reassuring to know that at least some of our dear citizens haven’t grown numb. It was in the interests of remaining at least somewhat civil and not making a huge scene (when countless other scenes were likely already being made in the floors above the cinema) that Ash offered no more in response to this than a very forced, tight-lipped smile. What he really wanted to say was are you fucking kidding me? but, again, he was trying to hold it together and not let the frustration of getting locked out sour his mood too much. The thing was that, for Ash, it wasn't a matter of growing numb. If anything, he was pretty sure there were a lot of of things to which he was desensitised, if the list of things he didn't understand but did not care to learn more about was something to judge. But he'd never been given the chance to just shrug the disappearances off, not when they'd turned his whole life upside down. Was it reassuring? That his dad went missing and nobody gave a shit because he wasn't a picture perfect victim? That the cops placed a sympathetic hand on Ash's shoulder and said there was nothing they could do, all before any of them had lifted a finger to even try? Was that really reassuring?

"Ohhhhh, so that's how this is gonna work, huh?" said Ash, looking deeply, deeply unimpressed (in the way that he did with just about any person in a position of power, whether they recognised that privilege or not), with his arms now locked across his chest. "You guys install some weird shit into our homes and, as soon as it goes wrong, it's out of your hands, not your problem anymore?" Give me a fucking break, though Ash. The same old fucking story. The authorities didn't care about the little guy, he'd learned that the hard way a long, long time ago, and he hadn't really been naive enough to believe this interaction would dissuade him of that belief but, no matter how much time passed, half-hearted apologies would never sit well with Ash. This person wasn't special either; there had likely been plenty of city council members over the years, maybe there were others even now, who believed they were doing the right thing, who didn't want to believe that their complacence was a problem so long as they weren't causing direct harm, but Ash saw it all in much the same light.

Ash sucked in a long breath through his teeth and ran his fingers through the bleached tresses of his fringe. Patience was not something he possessed in particularly plentiful quantities. "Okay, no complaint. A suggestion, then?" he said, head cocked to one side. "In future, or at least before you dump this thing in other neighbourhoods, can you guys make sure it actually works first? Instead of using actual people as guinea pigs?" With a frown, Ash popped another Milk Dud in his mouth and chewed on it thoughtfully. "Just speaking as a concerned citizen, is all."

a subtle nod, a cooing, “yes, a security system.” abraxis knows precisely what clappy is, having championed its investiture alongside the most if not the rest of the anchorage city council. yet despite this, the cool poise of council member number four—abraxis silvanus webb—is all but a thin mask, a veneer of authority concealing the simple truth: they are merely a puppet in an elaborate theater of control, one string among many pulled by those with true power, alister warhol in particular. their silver tongue may sway, their bravado may dazzle, but authority is something they truly lack. abraxis has always understood that their influence is performative, never a force strong enough to carve out meaningful changes.

abraxis sits at this council table not by election but appointment, a fragile seat granted on a whim, liable to be taken away just as easily. at best, their comments are sardonic witticisms, deflections designed to sidestep inquiry. when they hear the other’s candid remarks on death, they let a jocular laugh ripple through the air, responding with a playful toss of words: “it’s reassuring to know that at least some of our dear citizens haven’t grown numb to the disappearances and routine deaths. terrible, indeed.”

for abraxis, however, the morbid has become mundane. death is a cloak they wear reluctantly but intimately—hauntingly familiar since the violent passing of their ex-husband, and more recently, willow cho-iverson. these losses trail them, shadows woven into the very fabric of their being, casting an unseen pall over their finely-crafted smile. the ability to detach, to remain composed, is an unfortunate necessity in their role—a mask that hides how much they’ve grown numb to the ceaseless tragedies around them.

“a complaint?” they jeer, leaning in, offering the other an ear with exaggerated attentiveness as they pull themselves up. with a smooth, punctual smile, they deftly redirect, brushing away the accusation like dust. “apologies, i believe system maintenance is out of my jurisdiction. have you considered contacting your apartment's maintenance crew? i’m sure they can work something out for you,” they say, lips curling into a smirk. the words are casual, breezy, as if clappy’s constant monitoring—its unforgiving gaze—were nothing more than a minor inconvenience.

#« ᴀsʜ ʏᴏᴏɴ » / 「 replies. 」#« ᴀsʜ ʏᴏᴏɴ » / 「 & abraxis. 」

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wereh0gz · 2 years ago

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Random headcanon

Sonic as werehog suffers from back pain and is generally more comfortable moving on all fours instead of walking on two legs because the transformation is more suited for quadrupedal movement and not bipedal

That's why he looks like he's slouching all the time he physically cannot stand up fully straight without being constantly uncomfortable

#ramblings #this by extention means ruby has chronic back pain from forcing themself to stand up straight to look more normal #even though it's far more confortable to walk and run on all fours #puts a lot of pressure on their back #... i wonder if this could also apply to furry characters #especially those with digitigrade legs #hm #anyways back to sonic #everyone tells him his posture sucks but he can't help it #if anything it's better for his body to not stand up straight so he doesn't put as much strain on his spine #he could probably use a massage #or a back brace maybe? but those are designed for humans so that might not work well for him #maybe tails could design one specifically for him #knowing him he wouldn't wear it much tho #with his distaste for wearing clothes and all #well he mostly just doesn't like wearing pants so he might still wear it #hm now i'm thinking of maybe designing one for him #maybe i'll doodle him wearing one in between the other stuff i said i'd draw

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deus-ex-mona · 1 year ago

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“i’m all alone, but i’m as happy as can be!”

#aka top 10 things i wish i could drill into my coworkers brains grrrrrrrrrrrrrrnrhrhbgbgbfbfbfnf #‘you should get a bf’ ‘when are you gonna get married and have kids?’ how about n e v e r #i just want to sleep when i’m not on the clock mans i don’t want to waste my precious sleep time on others #i mean. i don’t even leave the house on my days off. not to go shopping or anything bc sleep is more important~~~#and stuff can be bought online anyways s o o o o o #g o d speaking of online purchases thoughhh this massage seat i bought online came in yesterday and it works amazingly well~~~~~#used it for half an hour last night and i was relaxed enough to sleep for 11-12 hours straight #wish i had space for an actual massage chair though but this will have to do…#it’s been my dream to own a massage chair for the longest time…… but ig this massage seat is good enough……#i can just slap it onto my desk chair and b a m ✨instant paradise✨#speaking of instant though… one of my coworkers was commenting on my love for instant noodles the other day #‘you’ll ✨d i e✨ faster if you eat a lot of cup noodles yk?’ he said #so ✨o f c✨ my mouth chose to work faster than my brain when i replied with ‘i’m fine with that bc i won’t have to work then’#he and another coworker laughed :( sadded #b u t i finally had my cup noodles that i ‘customised’ at the cup noodle museum today and it was good~~~~~~~ i have good taste (self praise)#the best part was the lack of spring onions!!!! bc screw spring onions really who decided that they should be included with most cup noodles #or just noodles in general? the texture sucks and they don’t even taste good man. why would you even add spring onions?#it’s number 2 in my list of most hated food toppings. it loses only to ikan bilis bc s c r e w ikan bilis or dried anchovies or whatever #they’re known as >:( i hateeeeee how takeout places will just assume that you want ikan bilis and lop on a huuuuugeeeee serving of them #atop your food as you desperately and futilely b e g them to stop #and when you try to pick them out they just!!!! keep turning up everywhere instead?????#like hello???? how did you manage to get to the bottom of the bowl???? you were only added as a topping!!!!!!!#also. their eyes are really creepy. and the heads get detached from the bodies all the time and just. seeing the eyes ruins my appetite.#wait this was supposed to be about my coworkers and their pushiness in a matter that doesn’t concern them how did we get so far off-topic—#chizuutan chizpost

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orcelito · 11 months ago

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I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

#speculation nation #negative/#this got really long on accident. but i think typing this out was really helpful for me.#getting the thoughts out. processing. the works.#nearly cried several times just from writing this.#...and honestly i might reference this again when i start seriously writing my eulogy.#things suck a Lot right now. and i really wish they were different.#feels like i picked a bad choice in a video game and am now seeing the Bad Ending or whatever #all i need to do is reload a previous save. it's all still there. perfectly preserved in my memories.#but... that's all gone. as suddenly and unfair as it is ive been thrust into a new chapter of my life so thoroughly.#it's not all bad though. he wasnt prepared for dying so it's been hell to prepare for him #we dont know if we'll even be able to get into his fucking iphone. stupid piece of shit.#but he had life insurance. he had a union job. and That comes with benefits #(something about a year's salary going to the family. aka half a year's salary to Me. and isnt That mind boggling.)#as much as it hurts im going to be realistic about it. im going to do what i need to finish my education.#and im going to use it as a springboard for finally becoming a 'proper adult'.#the kind who could own a nice kitchen fridge. one with an ice machine on the front of the door #and freezers in the drawers.#maybe then i could think about getting motorcyle lessons. not from my dad as i originally wanted #but i wanna keep the family biker spirit alive. i wanted it even before he died. and now i want it even more.#ive had so so many thoughts. it's only been 3 days. ive had to emotionally numb myself several times just to Get Through It.#everything is exacerbated. my mom wants to go to the funeral. we will have to fight her on this. my dad Hated her.#and i certainly dont fucking want her around either. not then. not when im talking about my dad.#(my dad. my Dad. i saw him die. i felt him cold. i do not regret it. it still hurts me.)#it's overwhelming. i loved him so fucking much. even with his flaws he was truly an amazing father.#i'll... shut up now. if you read this far. well. hug your loved ones a little tighter. you never know when youll lose them.

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mythologyfolklore · 2 days ago

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Continuation:

101. The Celestial Realm has a mental hospital: the Heavenly Hospital for Criminally Insane Deities and Immortals. It was established via decree of the Jade Emperor at the behest of Èrláng Shén, but before passing this law, there was a lot of dispute about the requirements for institutionalisation between the Jade Emperor and his advisors.

102. The Jade Emperor wanted to make political opposition a requirement for being admitted to the hospital for criminally insane deities and immortals, but was dissuaded from doing so by Nézhā, who informed him, that a surprising number of Celestials actually disapproved of many imperial decrees and that putting them all in the hospital would lead to overcrowding, disaster and even more opposition.

103. Áo Bĭng was resurrected shortly after Nézhā was. The reason? The Jade Emperor grew tired of Áo Guāng justifying his hateboner for Nézhā with the murder of his son and ordered for the Third Prince of the East Sea to be resurrected, just so Áo Guāng would finally SHUT UP!!!

104. After their resurrection, Nézhā apologised to Áo Bĭng, but it took almost a millennium, until they were on speaking terms. Then they became friends, grew ever closer and closer and after over 1800 years more, they fell in love and became a couple, soon to be married.

105. Èrláng Shén is unhappy about his adopted son wanting to get married, but he has learned his lesson about opposing his loved ones' relationships, so he just sucked it up and gave his blessing to make Nézhā happy. (Nézhā knows his dad isn't really happy about it, though, because Èrláng isn't remotely as subtle as he thinks he is)

106. When Golden Cicada gave their magical treasures to Yùdĭng Zhēnrén, they asked him to give them to none other than their 10th reincarnation. Accordingly, Yùdĭng Zhēnrén guarded the magical umbrella and lantern like his own for over 500 years, until the Buddha of Sandalwood Merit came to get his treasures back. They had some tea, chatted a little and Xuánzàng told a few things about himself, while Yùdĭng shared some wholesome stories from way back when Golden Cicada was still his disciple. By the time Xuánzàng left, both were happy and fast friends (again).

107. After Chénxiāng defeated and severely wounded his uncle and freed his mother, the Buddha of Sandalwood Merit took the wounded god in and nursed him back to health (he had to explain himself first and remind Chénxiāng of how "universal compassion" works). But he also didn't miss the opportunity to scold Èrláng Shén like no tomorrow, for being such a cruel brother and uncle.

108. After giving up her god status, Sānshèng Mŭ spent the rest of her mortal life hoping her brother would come and apologise to her, so they could reconcile before she passed on. Meanwhile Èrláng couldn't face her again and thought she didn't want to see him. So Yáng Chán died without an apology, and Èrláng never knew he'd blown his chance to make peace with his sister. This is just another point on Chénxiāng's "Why I hate my uncle" list.

109. Èrláng Shén has made a habit of killing Celestials who piss him off, and selling their organs on the black market. He doesn't have money troubles, he just thinks that if those people couldn't be useful in life, at least they should be in death.

110. Liù'ěr Míhóu has a lot of do-not-touch-days, due to his trauma. On those days no one is allowed to touch him, except maybe Tripitaka, because the Macaque has grown to trust him unconditionally.

111. Sūn Wùkōng doesn't know how to feel about the stories of him having actual children of his own (beside his subjects, who he considers his grandchildren). On one hand he loves kids, on the other hand he considers the family he has already quite a handful.

112. Golden Cicada looks very breakable with their golden carapace, but their exoskeleton is unbreakable, their insect wings have razor sharp edges and they can utilise their cicada song as a weapon.

113. One of Èrláng Shén's sworn brothers, Yáo Gōnglín, suffers from a congenital heart condition, that even immortality couldn't fix. He gets medication from Laozi to keep his heart from blowing up, but Èrláng constantly has to remind him to actually take it. Sometimes Yáo Gōnglín calls Èrláng a mother-hen for that.

114. Sūn Wùkōng's stalward generals very reluctantly allowed Èrláng Shén on Flowerfruit Mountain twice to help build a few hydraulic mechanisms as compensation for the fire. But only if he came as a monkey. This is how they found out, that Sichuan snub-nosed monkeys are fucking adorable (no, they haven't forgiven him, the cuteness just softened them up enough to tolerate his presence for a few hours).

115. Èrláng Shén is lactose-intolerant. That has never stopped him from consuming dairy products, if they looked delicious enough. In his opinion a nice cake or tart is totally worth the stomach ache and diarrhea.

116. Tripitaka has a terrifying angry face. Liù'ěr Míhóu claims it's the scariest one he's ever seen from someone, who doesn't have long and sharp canines. The disciples and their disciples just call it "THE STARE".

117. Liù'ěr Míhóu loves milk. It's his favourite food, aside from apples.

118. Èrláng Shén has a habit of hacking the phones of people who mildly annoy him, and changing their ringtones to really annoying ones.

119. Sūn Wùkōng and Èrláng Shén are addicted to fighting each other in immortal combat. While both are asexual, they get an almost sexual thrill out of it. Sūn Wùkōng finds Èrláng's bloodlust and battle-hunger enrapturing, while Èrláng Shén loves being able to go all out in a fight.

120. Áo Guāng still has a hateboner for Nézhā. 3100 years after the whole dragon slayer thing.

121. Áo Bĭng finds it stupid and tiresome, that his father is still angry about that, but he's too filial to say it out loud.

122. Èrláng Shén and Liú Chénxiāng are on tentative speaking terms. Liú Chénxiāng isn't forgiving his uncle for anything, but after 1300 years he's tired of still being defined by his childhood trauma. Upon seeing that his uncle was genuinely regretful, he chose to give him the benefit of the doubt in form of one last chance to make things right and doing better. Meanwhile Èrláng is terrified of messing that chance up again.

123. Èrláng Shén is arachnophobic.

124. Sūn Wùkōng is very talented in poetry and enjoys writing poems of all kinds. But he has zero talent for painting, which he often laments about - especially when he wants to capture a beautiful moment (or the beauty of a certain three-eyed god).

125. Tripitaka is slightly stronger than an average mortal, but he's not aware of it. It's how he can pick up Sūn Wùkōng (a literal stone monkey) with ease.

126. Every time Chénxiāng gets upset, Nézhā shows him video clips of Èrláng Shén being silly. It always works.

127. Èrláng Shén adores his sworn brothers with all his heart. They and their loyalty and deep care for him mean the world to him, and he would do anything for them. Even if they - like real siblings - really go on his nerves sometimes.

128. When Èrláng Shén became sworn brothers with the other six Sages of Méishān, he came out to them as a trans man. They accepted him as a man without question or hesitation and that was when he knew he wanted them to be by his side forever. So he found a way to make them immortal.

129. Sūn Wùkōng still has trauma from the fillet. Every time Tripitaka gets angry, Sūn Wùkōng gets scared. Even when it's not him Tripitaka is angry at.

130. While the Jade Emperor often dreams about having a son, he doesn't plan to get a concubine, as he's outrageously horny for Xìwángmŭ. It's kind of a "I wouldn't mind you crushing me, but PLEASE DO" kind of thing.

131. Èrláng Shén is autistic, but the one time he saw a psychiatrist, it was a bad experience; so he never visited one again and never got a diagnosis. Unfortunately the social ineptitude that comes with it clashes with his monophobia. So he often has to pick the lesser evil between exhausting interactions with other people and the crippling fear of being all on his own.

JTTW/Chinese mythology ideas

(A/N: Decided to finally make a list for this one too. Do these things make sense? No. Is it in any way close to canon? Also no. Will that stop me? Absolutely not. Also, I would like to establish that not all (or even most) of these are headcanons. Some are heartcanons, gutcanons, junkcanons and spleencanons. This list will be expanded, as I think of new ideas. Just keep in mind, that pretty much all of this is pulled out of my butt.)

1. Sūn Wùkōng has a slightly scratchy voice from five-hundred years of being fed molten copper and iron pellets, as well as the previous 49 mortal years of being cooked in a furnace.

2. Tripitaka is traumatised from his mother's suicide, his first two companions' deaths and the constant kidnapping and attempted murder and/or sexual harassment. After so much trauma and with having to parent several powerful and crazy demons and a dragon, he's become jaded.

3. Tripitaka was eighteen, when he learned of his family, and twenty, when he was recruited by Guān Yīn.

4. Sūn Wùkōng is a little self conscious about his body, since he was cooked in the furnace and pressed under the mountain and burned by Hóng Hái'er's True Samadhi Fire. To his subjects he's still the Handsome Monkey King though.

5. After being exposed, Liù'ěr Míhóu was given the option by the Buddha to either join the Tang Monk on the Journey along with the other disciples or be reincarnated into hell for his crimes. He chose the former. Tripitaka gave him the Dharma name Sūn Wùhuàn, though the others sometimes still call him Liù'ěr Míhóu (that's just Chinese for "Six-Eared Macaque").

6. Liù'ěr Míhóu is transgender with body dysphoria. He's absolutely miserable with his female body, but he can't hide it without shapeshifting, as his voice gives him away. He's also prone to delusions and dissociation by the time he joins the Journey. It doesn't get much better, but the other pilgrims learn to deal with it relatively quickly.

7. Èrláng Shén is transgender as well, but he goes to great lengths to hide, that his body is biologically female. Not because he has dysphoria (he doesn't), but because he hates the way he's treated by most people once they find out he's trans-masc. That and he can't stand people looking at his chest, when it's unbound.

8. Shā Wùjìng is super affectionate to his brothers and master. The affection is reciprocated, because they love their friendly, sensible formerly-maneating giant fish man.

9. Liù'ěr Míhóu has been sexually assaulted and forcibly impregnated many times in the past. Of the resulting children only one was allowed to live, because the Macaque either miscarried or aborted the rest. It's also a primary cause of his madness.

10. The surviving child (a monkey-fox hybrid) was left in the care of a significantly more sane friend, who happened to be the sister of one of the Wŭdàxiān.

11. Some primate species eat their dead in times of famine. The Six-Eared Macaque uses that as an excuse for eating that one dead monkey. Sūn Wùkōng and Tripitaka are having none of that bs.

12. Bái Lóng Mă is the first of the Pilgrims to befriend the Six-Eared Macaque and then becomes super protective, after he finds out what happened to him. In kind he becomes the Macaque's favourite brother.

13. Sūn Wùkōng is asexual demiromantic. Tripitaka and Liù'ěr Míhóu are both aro-ace. Zhū Bājiè is a straight ally. Shā Wùjìng is pan, but abstinent. Bái Lóng Mă is bi.

14. At first Tripitaka was delighted about having been one of the disiples of the Buddha Himself once. But after being the 10th reincarnation of Golden Cicada has gotten him into so much trouble, he's grown to hate it and loathes being addressed as "Golden Cicada".

15. Before Golden Cicada converted to Buddhism, they were an immortal cicada spirit, who had cultivated immortality under Yùdĭng Zhēnrén. They were a senior disciple, when the Yáng siblings showed up and quickly befriended the two.

16. Golden Cicada can switch from picture perfect Buddhist disciple to sassy spirit willing to throw hands. When they were a Taoist disciple under Yùdĭng Zhēnrén, they'd also sometimes chirp all night, just to annoy the younger disciples.

17. Golden Cicada had the ability to see the future. As such they weren't shocked to be sentenced to reincarnation by the Buddha for their disrespect, but it still hit them hard, because just like in the old school, they had grown attached to the other disciples and their master.

18. The Buddha has a lot of patience, but he takes no shit.

19. When Tripitaka becomes the Buddha of Sandalwood Merit, he regains all the memories from his past lives, including that of Golden Cicada. He also (re)gains the ability to shapeshift and fly and develops a few quirks Golden Cicada had in life.

20. Zhū Bājiè is still a little butt-hurt about becoming "only" an altar cleanser- Pff, nah, just kidding, he's fine. He's more upset, that he still looks like a boar.

21. Zhū Bājiè still flirts with women, but by now he has internalised the benefits of mutual consent.

22. Shā Wùjìng becomes the Golden-Bodied Arhat at the end of the novel, but decides to keep his demonic appearance most of the time, so he will never forget where he came from and as a reminder to be humble. His brothers still call him "Old Shā" or "Wùjìng".

23. Despite redeeming himself and becoming an Arhat, Shā Wùjìng is still shunned by the Celestial Realm. He is a bit sad about still being treated as a monster, but has long concluded, that this is just their pride talking.

24. Shā Wùjìng is still a capable fighter, but he's uncomfortable around swords. The reason is that, before he became a Buddhist, one of his punishments from Heaven involved being stabbed by a hundred swords every day, if he didn't stay in his river.

25. Bái Lóng Mă becomes a Golden Celestial Dragon of the Eight Classes of Supernatural Beings, but the others just affectionately call him "Gold". He's still a bit unhinged, but doesn't set things on fire anymore.

26. Sūn Wùkōng returns to his mountain after becoming the Buddha Victorious in Strife, but he often has his brothers over for tea and, about a hundred years after the Journey, takes Liù Chénxiāng (the nephew of Èrláng Shén) in as a disciple.

27. Liù'ěr Míhóu is given the title of "True Person of True Hearing" at the end of the story (making him the only one, who didn't become a Buddha or Bodhisattva). Tathagata informs him, that he joined the prilgrimage too late to make up for his terrible crimes, but he does give him magic transition surgery and promises to reward him in the future (provided the Macaque keeps working on bettering himself, of course).

28. Liù'ěr Míhóu specialises in helping vengeful ghosts. He restores their conscience and memory and if that's not enough to free them, he takes them in as disciples, until they're ready to reincarnate. On the side he clears up misunderstandings. A few centuries after the pilgrimage, Tathagata awards him the title "Bodhisattva Discerning Ghostly Speech" for his merit.

29. The Pilgrims are on the height of modern times. Getting phones and laptops was the Six-Eared Macaque's idea, because he was sick of having to write to his siblings and friends, while they can just talk into the wind and he'll hear it (Tripitaka didn't get a laptop until the COVID-19 pandemic rolled around and he couldn't hold his seminars in person anymore).

30. Liù'ěr Míhóu is getting therapy and taking medication to combat his mental instability. But his friends often have to accompany him to the hospital for check-ups.

31. Tripitaka/the Buddha of Sandalwood Merit and Èrláng Shén become friends after the Journey. Having obtained Buddhahood, Xuánzàng now remembers that they were friends in a past life and hopes to catch up and help Èrláng move on from his grief over Golden Cicada's death.

32. The real form of Xiàotiān Quǎn (Èrláng Shén's dog) is a giant heavenly dog the size of a large horse, but he has a smaller energy save mode in form of an albino Tibetan Spaniel.

33. Xiàotiān is extremely protective and affectionate towards his master. Èrláng Shén is also extremely protective of his dog and will brutally murder anyone, who tries to hurt him.

34. Nézhā becomes friends with Sūn Wùkōng throughout the Journey and they develop a brotherly bond. They also do brotherly things, like fighting about who is the older one. Spoiler: Nézhā is more than 500 years older (Èrláng Shén being about a thousand years older than Nézhā).

35. Sūn Wùkōng has let go of his anger by the time the modern era rolls around, but he's still waiting for an apology from Èrláng for the mountain fire.

36. Èrláng deeply regrets everything he did, but he can't properly apologise for major things.

37. During his fight with his uncle, Chénxiāng accidentally absorbed the Lotus Lantern and became immortal. He didn't realise the latter, until years later. He was not happy about it.

38. Sūn Wùkōng isn't Chénxiāng's only teacher, but the one he's closest to. He and Chénxiāng have a father-son-relationship. That includes dad jokes (much to Chénxiāng's dismay).

39. Very few people know that Chénxiāng became immortal and is still alive. Chénxiāng made them swear not to tell anyone, because he doesn't want to be found by certain people. Most of the time he's not even in China.

40. After being freed, Sānshèng Mŭ gave up her divinity to live a normal mortal life with her husband. Chénxiāng was overwhelmed with grief, after his parents eventually died of old age, while he was forever young. After his parents' death he moved back to Sūn Wùkōng for a while, before leaving to see the world.

41. At some point in the modern age, Nézhā had a falling out so bad, he decided he wanted a new legal surname, like, NOW. He asked Èrláng Shén to adopt him - much to the latter's consternation, as Èrláng is still haunted by his past mistakes and doesn't grasp how Nézhā could possibly see him as a parental figure. But Nézhā eventually softened Èrláng up and now his surname is Yáng.

42. Little does Èrláng realise, that Nézhā had already sneakily adopted him as a dad centuries earlier. Mostly because Èrláng respects him more and treats him better than his father and most other Celestials do.

43. Èrláng Shén has an unspoken crush on Sūn Wùkōng. He's not planning to do anything about the "unspoken" part, mainly because he's repressed and believes that love brings nothing but pain and misfortune and should never be indulged; and he also thinks it would be insulting to just walk up the the Monkey King and profess his feelings (considering the environmental destruction and genocide).

44. Yùdĭng Zhēnrén is extremely protective of each of his disciples. But the moment one of them starts hurting another, he'll banish the culprit at best and kill them at worst.

45. Golden Cicada was also extremely protective of their younger brothers and sisters. As a senior disciple, they felt it was their obligation to take the kids under their wings. That attitude didn't change, when they changed masters and became the second disciple of the Buddha.

46. During Èrláng Shén's and Sānshèng Mŭ's training under Yùdĭng, a then 9yo Èrláng was touched inappropriately by one of the senior disciples (who happened to be their master's favourite at the time). He confided in Golden Cicada, who reported it to their master.

47. Golden Cicada remained friends with the Yáng siblings and many others for the rest of their life. The last thing they did before dying and reincarnating was say goodbye to all their friends.

48. Èrláng Shén has a drinking problem. He's trying to quit for Nézhā's sake, but recovering from alcoholism is hard and he occasionally relapses. Nézhā is of course not happy about the drinking, but he appreciates, that his dad is trying to stop.

49. Sūn Wùkōng didn't know he was one of four Primates of Havoc, until he met the Six-Eared Macaque and the Buddha explained everything. Once the Macaque stopped being a villainous dickhead, the Monkey King was eager to meet the other two Primates. So Liù'ěr Míhóu introduced him to them.

50. The Red-Buttocked Horse-Monkey (Chìkāo Măhóu) and Connected Arms Gibbon (Tōngbì Yuánhóu) were excited to meet a new Primate of Havoc.

51. Chìkāo Măhóu is a female Taiwanese macaque, who emerged from a tree struck by lightning. She has exceptional healing powers, a profound understanding of human affairs and yin and yang, is very adaptable and loves trolling the death deities in various ways. She also likes to gather philosophers, say something, then sit back and watch, as a philosophical debate devolves into petty fighting.

52. Chìkāo Măhóu cultivated immortality under an immortal, who specialises in healing and medicine and named her Zhìyù Zhīshǒu. But the other three Monkeys of Havoc just call her Chì.

53. Tōngbì Yuánhóu is a transfem Hainan black-crested gibbon, who hatched from an egg-shaped lump of gold, that melted during a firestorm. She used to live in mainland China, until deforestation destroyed her home. She can shorten great distances, seize the sun and moon, play with the stars and distinguish the auspicious and inauspicious.

54. Sometimes Tōngbì Yuánhóu bonds with Liù'ěr Míhóu over being critically endangered species (the latter being the only six-eared macaque in existence).

55. When the Jade Emperor began his reign, he was full of enthusiasm and eager to make the world a good place. But over time he grew bitter and began to make it everyone else's problem.

56. The Jade Emperor has a photo of Sūn Wùkōng pinned to his office wall, which is riddled with darts, because he uses it for target practice.

57. One thing Sūn Wùkōng and Èrláng Shén agree on is this: if anything were to happen to Nézhā, they would kill everyone in Heaven and then themselves (if they could).

58. When Sūn Wùkōng first read the novel and saw that the author knew who his master was, he freaked out. Fortunately, he wasn't hunted down by an angry Subodhi thinking the monkey had broken his word.

59. Yes, Subodhi knows about the book. Yes, he also knows that Sūn Wùkōng didn't tell anyone, that he was his master. That's why he was chill about it.

60. Xiàotiān Quǎn is incredibly smart. He possesses human-level intelligence. Xiàotiān can't speak, but he can read traditional and simplified Chinese and has an excellent memory.

61. All four Monkeys of Havoc were born around the same time and are around 2500 years old.

62. Liù'ěr Míhóu can understand and speak all languages that exist, have existed or will exist in the future. But until he joins the Pilgrims, he could neither read nor write any of them. When Tripitaka learned this, he sat him down and taught him how to read and write.

63. Tàiyĭ Zhēnrén encourages Nézhā's goblin energy and feralness. Why? Because his adorable, sweet student, who can do no wrong, should be allowed to be free and- just kidding, the truth is, he's secretly a feral goblin himself.

64. The Pilgrims (including Liù'ěr Míhóu) are all super protective of one another. Even Tripitaka has a protective mode.

65. Tripitaka's protective mode is activated, when his disciples get sexually harassed (usually Liù'ěr Míhóu, given his feminine voice and appearance) and manifests in Tripitaka chewing the harasser out, until they run away crying. Ever since unlocking this particular skill, he has pulled no punches.

66. After Tripitaka was rescued from the Scorpion demoness, he told his disciples, that all that had happened was forward flirting on her part. He didn't tell them, that she actually assaulted him. Only Liù'ěr Míhóu knows, but Tripitaka made him swear not to tell anyone.

67. The Buddha prefers to teach his disciples how to let go of fleeting things piece by piece on their own, as he has seen first hand how traumatising it is for some people to suddenly be separated from everything they hold dear in this world.

68. When Sūn Wùkōng is overwhelmed, he flails his arms and speaks in monkey. People get confused.

69. Chénxiāng often visits Sūn Wùkōng on his island to check on his old teacher and catch up. He also introduced him to modern tech. A decision he now deeply regrets, because his teacher keeps sending him monkey memes.

70. Xiàotiān Quǎn was gifted to Èrláng Shén by Golden Cicada. After learning, that Èrláng had made a vow of celibacy, Golden Cicada thought, he still should have a loyal companion to shower with love and care to his heart's content, so they gave him a puppy.

71. Èrláng Shén doesn't know, that Xiàotiān Quǎn possesses the intelligence of an adult human. Partly, because Xiàotiān is perfectly happy being pampered, but mainly because Xiàotiān decided the best way to take care of his owner is to be undercover. He's really good at the "no thoughts, head empty" charade.

72. Liù'ěr Míhóu can hear pretty much everything, but it took him a while to learn to distinguish between truth and falsehood.

73. Bái Lóng Mă never forgave his father for almost getting him executed over accidentally setting something on fire, and completely cut ties with his birth family after becoming the Celestial Dragon Bodhisattva. He instead focussed his compassion and empathy on all beings mistreated and disowned by their family.

74. After banishing Shā Wùjìng to the Mortal Realm, the Jade Emperor got himself a new Courtain-Lifting General. But there actually are deities in Heaven, that still call Shā Wùjìng by his old title. Shā Wùjìng has mixed feelings about that.

75. Golden Cicada was an incredibly skilled warrior and possessed several potent magical weapons: an umbrella that can sap the magic of whoever they use it on, and a magical lantern. Before passing on, they gave the umbrella and the lantern to their old master, knowing he'd keep them safe. Golden Cicada also created the Lotus Lantern as a gift to Sānshèng Mŭ, after she became a goddess.

76. Golden Cicada could have become a Taoist deity, but rejected godhood, because they - just like their master - disdained the Heaven that treated their best friends so cruelly.

77. The Buddha of Sandalwood Merit sometimes jests about how he used to be the youngest of his friends and now, that he is truly one with Golden Cicada, he's in a way older than most of them.

78. Èrláng Shén has mixed feelings about how Tàiyĭ Zhēnrén encourages Nézhā's chaos, but he doesn't want to upset Nézhā by telling him not to interact with his master.

79. Sānshèng Mŭ - being a (demi)goddess - is over a head taller than Liú Yànchāng. He's a proud simp for his (what in the 8th century would've been a) giant woman.

80. Guān Yīn's disciples Mùzhā and Hóng Hái'er agree on only one thing: Lóngnü is the best and sweetest little cinnamon roll, deserves only the best and must be protected at all cost.

81. Nézhā adores dogs and loves petting Xiàotiān Quǎn. In turn Xiàotiān has observed, that Nézhā is one of the few people who can make Èrláng smile, so the K-9 agent has made it his mission to help protect this kid.

82. The Wŭdàxiān (a group of five local zoomorphic deities revered in Northeastern China) once lived in the Celestial Realm, until Wūyāxiān was wrongfully accused of sexual assault. While the lie was found out, the culprit faced no repercussions and Wūyāxiān was asked to leave Heaven, despite being proven innocent. The other four Great Immortals (Húxiān, Huángxiān, Shéxiān and Báixiān) joined their friend in exile out of solidarity.

83. When Tripitaka isn't doing Buddha things, he just chills out with his friends. When out in public, he goes by his real name Chén Xuánzàng.

84. Báixiān (the Hedgehog Immortal) was in fact the Shīfù of Chìkāo Măhóu and the one, who named her Zhìyù Zhīshǒu. The two are very close and Zhìyù Zhīshǒu considers her a mother figure.

85. When Nézhā was resurrected by his master, something went wrong and he was reborn with the True Samadhi Fire. It caused him pain, until Èrláng Shén (also a wielder of the Samadhi Fire) taught him how to control it.

86. Èrláng calls Nézhā "Xiăolián", when they're alone. He came up with that nickname as soon as he realised he was attached to the kid. Nézhā - never having been given affectionate nicknames before - didn't know how to handle that at first and teared up the first time he was called that.

87. Even after the Yáng siblings became gods, Golden Cicada still called them "Xiăo Yáng" or "Jiăn'er" (Èrláng Shén) and "Chán'er" (Sānshèng Mŭ), which Èrláng found incredibly annoying.

88. Yùdĭng Zhēnrén hates Heaven. Like, really hates them. He also hates most Celestials, especially the Jade Emperor. Nobody knows why, because he refuses to explain. So he was furious, when Èrláng joined Heaven to become a god, and made it clear, that he never wanted to see him again, unless there's an emergency only Yùdĭng can handle (a very unlikely scenario in his eyes).

89. Tōngbì Yuánhóu and Chìkāo Măhóu prefer to stay under the radar and constantly move. They're so secretive, that Sūn Wùkōng didn't find out about them, until he was 1100 years old. Liù'ěr Míhóu found them through his hearing pretty quickly after he was born. Tōngbì Yuánhóu is the oldest of them and when they get together, she's usually the voice of reason.

90. Liù'ěr Míhóu is the tallest of the four Monkeys of Havoc and a few centimetres bigger than Sūn Wùkōng, which the latter finds incredibly annoying.

91. Guān Yīn and Cháng'é are friends with Èrláng Shén and have been for more than 3000 years. Guān Yīn became friends with him, because she could tell he needed one. Cháng'é first met Èrláng, when her husband introduced them to each other, and they became fast friends after Hou Yi's passing. Despite the three of them being so different from each other, they somehow make it work.

92. Out of the former Tang Monk's disciples, only Sūn Wùkōng and Sūn Wùhuàn have disciples of their own. Technically that makes Xuánzàng grandmaster, but his disciples' disciples sometimes secretly call him "grandpa", thinking he doesn't know. Xuánzàng didn't know how to deal with that at first, but eventually he accepted, that he had upgraded from tired single parent to proud grandparent.

93. Sūn Wùkōng knows about Èrláng Shén's feelings for him, but doesn't confront him about them out of pity. And as long as Èrláng doesn't do anything creepy and stalker-esque, he doesn't see the need to bring it up at all.

94. Èrláng Shén introduced Cháng'é to the Netflix movie "Over the Moon" and now he has to sing the heartbreaking duet with her every time he visits. At this point he's sick and tired of it, but he still humours her.

95. All demons and dragons can purr.

96. When Liù'ěr Míhóu joined the Pilgrims, Tripitaka had to get used to someone suddenly seeing through his facade and calling him out. But once they got along, they reached a mutual understanding and developed a very close bond (not romantically. No. Just no.). Zhū Bājiè got jealous, when he realised he was no longer their master's favoured disciple.

97. Once a Celestial warrior was dared to cut off some of Èrláng Shén's very long hair, while he was napping. The next morning, the Jade Emperor went for a stroll in his garden and found a body in his favourite duck pond. I think you can guess what happened.

98. Èrláng Shén hates Lĭ Jìng with a burning passion and has made it his life's mission to make the man as miserable as possible. Nézhā finds it hilarious.

99. Tripitaka has permanent spinal issues from that time Liù'ěr Míhóu knocked him out by hitting him on the back. They manifest as flashes of extreme pain, that render him unable to move. Guān Yīn gives him special painkillers to ease the aches, but cannot heal him, because the chronic pain is karmic punishment.

100. Yùdĭng Zhēnrén gave the Yáng twins the same training. Only change was that after Èrláng came out as a boy, both his and his sister's training became tougher.

#chinese mythology #chinese folklore #sun wukong #tripitaka #liu er mihou #bai longma #golden cicada #zhu bajie #sha wujing #erlang shen #nezha #xiaotian quan #chenxiang #jade emperor #yuding zhenren #taiyi zhenren #tw: sa mention #tw: alcholism #tw: mental health issues

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