#and even if you had just said ‘throws an incredibly powerful fireball at him’ that would have been fine too

[your-local-grinning-cat]

I actually kind of remember this!

I don’t remember the transphobia to be honest, but I do remember you trying to roleplay with Falena and have Mystey attack him for the way he was hounding Leona for not taking care of Cheka.

So, once again, them being confronted over their attitude now is 100% NOT the first time this has happened and she just ignored it.

Falena was, of course, extremely rude and condescending to Mystery and just walked away from zem and acted like zeir attacks meant nothing.

I remember thinking that seemed extremely out of character for a king - especially one based on MUFASA - but extremely in character for her but also remember being impressed by the way you were trying to roleplay.

Because you were not trying to control the situation, as so many people tend to try to do. I specifically remember you saying that Mystery threw a fireball that “would do a lot of damage IF it hit.”

You were giving the Falena mod a chance to react - to roleplay back with you. Which is SO refreshing and nice to see!

I’ll admit that Che’nya is very OP at times, but I also add limitations on him. And also have him add limitations on himself. Because it’s no fun if you can just get your way all the time.

So, in Mystery and Che’nya’s case, Che’nya wasn’t set on fire when Mystery burned him at the Viking funeral. But at the exact same time, despite summoning a bag of skull-shaped marshmallows and skewers to roast them over his own funeral pyre… he did not have graham crackers and chocolate. And therefore was doomed to be s’more-less without Mystery’s help. 😔

More people need to realize the roleplaying isn’t just about how you have fun - it’s about how everyone has fun. That’s why it’s the twst rp community. And the community is so much fun! You get into some wild and crazy situations that you would have never thought up before on your own! I’m having a blast with the scientist anon who is trying to figure out Che’nya. They’re never going to be able to do it because even I don’t understand him completely - which, of course, means that he himself doesn’t.

But dealing with other people means dealing with situations that don’t always go according to what you planned out in your head. But that doesn’t mean you should choose to start god modding to try to get the situation back to what you want it to be.

Or, in this mod’s case, make so many blogs that you start roleplaying with yourself.

If you want to do that, to make everything fit into your own narrative, write a fanfiction. Roleplaying with other people is not what you’re looking for.

guys i'm in my hot sexy villain arc

[sadnesslaughs]

Your mother promised her firstborn to a demon. Your father promised his to a fae. And while you still live with your parents, you have some very unusual aunts/uncles.

(A response to a writing prompt)

My friends always used to laugh when I told them I had the worst parents in the world. Like I was some angsty teen making the usual exaggerations a person around my age would make. I mean, sure. There are always worse parents, but mine would at least be in the top 10%. Maybe even the top 5% on an off day.

Who tries to sell their only son to not one but two supernatural entities? That had to go against some parental instinct, right? The worst part is, whenever I try to bring it up with them, they just go. ‘Oh, it worked out for the best, though.’ Like they shouldn’t be held accountable, just because things worked out. Sure, we were incredibly wealthy now, but that wealth should be mine, not theirs. Some days I just wanna-

“Aww, my sweet nephew’s first murder plot.” Uncle Firax grinned, the flash of his camera blinding me as he snapped a photo. The grinning red skinned demon getting oddly comfortable with the word nephew.

“UNCLE FIRAX, WE HAVE DOORS FOR A REASON.” I screamed, throwing my pillow in his general direction. He swiped it with his tail, letting the leathery appendage wrap around it, holding it close. “Wait, how did you know about that?”

“I can read minds. It’s a pretty common demon ability. It’s one of the many reasons why I’m better than that old aunt of yours. Did you know she wanted to cook you in a stew? How ghastly.” He said, always happy to spread a rumor or two, especially about his competition. He sat himself on the edge of my bed, handing the pillow back to me with his tail. “So, how would you kill them? Rusty knife? Pillow?”

A howl of wind rattled the windows, making Firax groan. Aunt Eria always made herself known with her entrances, storming up the stairs in a mighty huff. “And what dumb ideas are you polluting his head with now?” The short fae asked, crossing her arms over her chest. The silver locks of her hair glowing with a green aura of light, that being her nonsubtle way of telling someone she was prepared for a fight.

Firax’s eyes flashed red, extending the offer of a duel. “Ah, the short old lady herself. Haven’t you got a tree to kiss, or whatever it is you do?”

“Careful, keep that up and you’ll be dangling from a tree.”

“Oh? How so? Do you have a ladder you can use to get me up there?” He opened his palm, preparing a fireball, only for the fire to be extinguished before it could even make a spark. That heavy gust of wind she used sent me backwards, falling off the bed.

“BILLY.” They shouted, both rushing to my side.

“Look at what you did, you old bag. This is why you should stop seeing him. All you do is hurt people with your stupid powers and dumb riddles.” Firax grabbed my hand, causing my palm to burn. The heat from his fireball still radiating from the spot. When I squealed, he released my hand, backing away.

Eria took my hand, soothing it with her healing magic. A light green orb surrounding the spot, soothing the burns better than any ointment could. “And you don’t? What fool doesn’t understand their own strength? Why don’t you go back to hell? Mortal life doesn’t suit you.”

The two remained in a stare off, neither party giving an inch. After the burns healed, I released her hand, getting between the two. “Stop fighting! If you two can’t get along, then I don’t want either of you around me. I love both of you. Is that so hard to understand?”

“Ok, but which do you love….” Firax saw my glare and dropped the question. Understanding now wasn’t the time for that.

“My parents suck. They both tried to sell me to you two before I was even born. I barely consider them parents, since they’re always running off on holidays every second week. If anything, you two are my parents. Which is why it hurts so much when the two of you fight. You’re all that I have and if you can’t understand that, then you should….. YOU SHOULD BOTH GO TO HELL.” I snapped, storming out of the room. I grabbed a bag of salt from the kitchen as I passed it, making a line of salt outside of the bathroom door before locking it. With the door secured, I allowed myself to sulk, trying to work out my frustrations alone.

An hour passed as I ignored their pleas to come out and talk. I had forgiven them about thirty minutes ago, and was now sitting with my knees tucked to my chest, more out of embarrassment than anything. I couldn’t believe I had behaved like some Disney channel brat. Throwing the type of tantrum that was often reserved for cheap family dramas or comedies. The salt was cruel, too, knowing that neither could pass a salted barrier. Sure, they still had the bathroom window, but I think they got the message that I wanted to be alone when I salted the door.

“I’m an asshole.” I mumbled, resting my head against the cool wall. “Just like my parents.” It was a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that I had to grow up with their DNA. It was like being shot in the leg by the starting gun of life. While others got to start their life with a sprint, I had to limp.

Then, a smell hit my nose. “Burning?” I feared the worst. They must have started fighting because of what had happened. Rushing out the door, I poked my head around the corner, watching the two flour coated entities poke at the oven door, unsure how to deal with the smoke coming out of it.

“How hot did you set it?” Eria asked.

“Max.”

“Max?”

“Yeah, like as high as it could go. Thought it would make it cook faster.”

Eria balled her hands into fists, doing everything within her power to keep herself from shoving the demon’s head into the oven. “I see. I will overlook that, for Billy’s sake.” She said, releasing a long breath that sent a chill through the room.

“Speaking of overlooking things. How many eggs did you put in?”

“Eight. I thought he might need the extra protein. Protein helps humans get strong, doesn’t it?”

Flames came out of the demon’s nostrils as he shook his head. “OK, I will overlook that because I didn’t read the instructions either.” He said, doing his best not to start an argument. “We messed this up, didn’t we?”

Eria sighed. “Yeah. It was foolish to think cookies would fix the problem. It’s strange. My kind aren’t known for being very affectionate, yet when he said he loved me. I couldn't help but feel touched.”

The demon nodded, letting his fingers slide into his pockets. “I get that. Like suddenly you actually matter. You’re not just some creature anymore. You’re a person. Sounds dumb, doesn’t it?”

“It does. I understand that feeling, though. I guess we should make another batch.”

“I guess so. You’re not too bad as far as fae go,” Firax reluctantly said.

“And you’re not the worst demon I’ve met. I wish you would stop telling Billy I planned to turn him into a stew, though. I planned to use him for ingredients, its different.”

“I’ll stop saying that when you stop telling him I wanted to eat his soul.”

“Didn’t you?”

“I did, but I wish you would stop telling him that.”

As the two went to open the fridge, I rushed out, grabbing them both, pulling them together in a hug. “I’m so sorry, youweretryingsohardandIwasbeingmeanandi…” I gasped, struggling to breathe as I rushed out the words. A mix of salty tears and jumbled words making it hard to get anything out.

“Aww, sweetie. We’re the ones who need to be forgiven. You did nothing wrong.” Eria said, cuddling up to my side.

Frixa looked at the fae, still uneasy about being this close to her. After a moment of hesitation, he leaned into my other side, giving me a tight hug. “She’s right for once. It’s our fault. We made you some cookies?”

I sniffed the air, the burnt smell causing my nostrils to flinch. “Um, maybe we should make another batch? I’ll help this time.” I wiped my eyes before going to the fridge, working with them to create another batch. Happy to finally be able to spend some time with the two most important people in my life.

[candyopala]

Stuck in his ways, chapter 2

Chapter summary: Y/N has to prove herself to her new mentor, will she be able to beat Obito Uchiha in battle? Can she get over her annoyance with him and concentrate enough to do so?

Words: 1.4k

AO3

Please reblog or leave a like if you enjoy <3 

“What?!”

“Take these from me until noon and I’ll train you, fail to do so and you might as well leave Konoha.” He reaffirmed while dangling the pair of little bells in front of her. 

“Huh, like you have the power to get me kicked off-“

“You can either find out about that the easy or the hard way.”

“…”

Obito distances himself from her and shouts: 

“Begin!”

Y/N stands in place confused. She does not know if he is bluffing or not and at this point, after everything she went through to join the village, her best option is to entertain her rude mentor in this challenge. He also could use a beating to put him back in his place, no one should be so rude without any repercussions. 

She also starts thinking about how to approach this. He is an Uchiha and has one of those eyes, so any jutsu she tries he will copy instantly, not that she can do any jutsu that could be relevant in a fight, thanks to her low chakra level. Y/N also has heard about the clan’s proficiency with fire, but that is all she got, since the Uchihas tend to hide their clan secrets very well from any prying eyes.

“Hey dumbass! Are you going to be standing there until the time goes out? Come on, I’ll make sure to not use genjutsu on you to make things more fun” And again that smirk appears on his face. 

Fuck it, my blade it is. He is going to pay for this. 

“Kai!”

Y/N lunges at Obito at an incredible speed pointing her long blade at him, barely visible to any normal eyes. The man does not even flinch or move. When she thinks that she might have got him unprepared, her blade goes right through his abdomen without perforating anything or dealing any damage, as if he is a mere illusion. 

Is this genjutsu? No, I just did the release sign, it can’t be! A clone? No, not a clone…

She strikes again and is surprised to see her attack go right through Obito, who is still standing there with his hands on his hips. She strikes again, and again, and again for about four minutes straight… but to no avail. 

“Come on, stop playing with me Uchiha creep!”

A small noise is heard behind her, and as she shifts her eyes in that direction, she is surprised with a kick in the gut by Obito, who has not left his position yet. The kick throws her a couple meters back, making her hit a nearby tree with full force, not enough to take the air out of her lungs, but enough to surprise her. 

At first, she thinks her eyes might be tricking her, but she is sure she saw the man teleport himself away in a weird spiral. She will never admit it, but she has not been scared shitless like this in a while.

Retreating to a secure location and masking her chakra, she tries again to analyze the situation, but she still cannot fully comprehend this ability of his. His sharingan is active, so it has to have something to do with it. A hunch comes to her mind, more of a wild guess, but it’s all she has: if it has something to do with his eyes, it’s tied to his chakra, so it might run out eventually… right? The problem is: her reserves are already naturally low and the Uchiha are also famous for having loads of chakra, can she even compete with something like this? 

Fuck, you have defeated hundreds of nukenin worse than this, you have to try, for him. 

“Giving up already, Y/N?” he says while emerging again in the middle of the field. 

And with this, she emerges out of the bushes she was hiding in at rapid speed, throwing a fully charged chakra punch to the ground, which makes large chunks of rock fly out. In a matter of milliseconds, she uses each chunk as a platform to run around the Uchiha, swinging her sword at him in the expectation of catching the Uchiha off guard, but to no avail again. Every single attack go through him again and she is met with huge fireballs dancing around her, which cost even more stamina to dodge through. As she tries to manage to run away from the fire surrounding her, Y/N sees something interesting: dust accumulating in his vest while he performs his attack. 

She approaches Obito again and begins swinging her sword again, each attack useless one more time. 

 ~”~  

 I can’t believe she still insists on the same thing again and again, hasn’t she noticed that kamui makes me immune to this? What’s wrong with her?

 Obito has to give credit to Y/N though, she might be comparable to Minato sensei in speed, even faster if only raw speed is considered, since she does not seem to be using any teleportation techniques or jutsus to achieve this. Her ability with a sword is also not bad though, not bad for someone who never had any formal training. 

However, no natural talent can be enough if used by someone so… stubborn and irrational. He knows he might have went in a little bit too far with the dumbass, but he did not expect her to have such a reaction. Not to mention her clear problem with authority, she was able to disrespect him as a superior in so little time. 

The Uchiha decides to stop his reflection when he remembers that she is still lunging at him with full force and that his kamui is reaching, once again, its limit of five consecutive minutes, besides his chakra reserve that is getting dangerously low after using the dancing fireball jutsu so much. 

He notices that her left side defense is open during one more of her attacks, so he decides to go for it, trying to kick her away from him again so that he can recover himself. To be honest he is still quite lost in his thoughts, too distracted and bored, so much so that he is surprised when a leg meets his side and a hand touches one of the bells, so quickly that he is barely able to throw himself back and to prevent her from getting the bells. 

What the fuck?! Is the only thing that comes to mind. 

Time is almost over, since it is already 11:30 am. Obito considers teleporting away from her but is surprised again, by her approaching him at a great speed, and with her standing so close, she would be teleported with him making the whole thing useless. 

When he thinks that she might start her completely crazy restless attacks again he is once more caught off guard when she just stands near him, close enough that he can hear her labored breathing. The close proximity scares him and makes him insanely uncomfortable, so much that he forgets about attacking her in any way. He has not allowed anyone so close since… since… her. The sheer intensity in Y/N’s eyes also amaze him, it’s nothing like his old friend, but at the same time he can’t help to feel something in his stomach that reminds him of her. 

His back touches a tree, bringing him back to reality. He activates kamui again to dodge an incoming attack, but she just stands there completely still with her blade going through his stomach. 

She figured it out

Obito is once again stumped. She someway, somehow figured out how kamui works and is waiting for it to run out. He tries to dodge and run away in every possible way, but he is always met, once again, with her blade insistently on his stomach, not giving him enough time to recover himself. 

As the five minutes mark comes up, he once again tries to lunge himself away, as to not get himself stabbed. When he tries to move to the right, her blade makes a small cut on the side of his right arm and she kicks him away, finally reaching for the bells. 

While he gets himself off the ground all embarrassed, the newbie approaches him with the bells in hand, stumbling onto her own feet, clearly exhausted. It is true that he has become too reliant on kamui like Kakashi said, after all. He ended up underestimating her far too much. She reaches him with a smile on her face, one so big and genuine… he is even more embarrassed for being so mean to her. 

“Wh-Who’s the dumbass now, huh?” is all she says before collapsing beside him. 

Well, never mind. 

[therealvinelle]

Maybe this is bold of me to ask, but are there any deleted scenes from your fics, or scenes you had consideted writing but didn't? And if yes, would you be willing to share them someday?

Oh no problem!

Usually when a scene is deleted it stays deleted, so I don't have a lot to give you. There are a few things that were cut in betaing for various reasons, I can put a few of them below a readmore in this post.

There's the prologue that never was to Nebuchadnezzar's Dream, from back when the fic was supposed to be told alternately from Bella and Carlisle's respective points of view. In the prologue we saw how Bella, Alice, and Edward came to the point where they decided to overthrow the Volturi. Or, we would have, except I didn't actually like that prologue, and found myself jumping straight to writing chapter 2, the "Carlisle is at a party and gets attacked by a werewolf" chapter instead. My good beta @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin asked why I didn't simply make the whole fic from Carlisle's point of view, I realized she had an excellent point, now here we are.

For that matter, this is nowhere near the only significant change that happened to this fic during writing. One example, in the original outline I never brought up Carlisle's gift. Two significant things in the last chapter were not planned until after I published chapters twelve and thirteen, respectively (Luckily for me it'll look like I plotted them all along, so yay for that). For a tightly plotted fic, this one has had a lot of leeway.

Slight caveat, as I’m self-conscious: with most of these you will probably be able to tell why they’re deleted scenes. Especially the prologue. God, that prologue.

(Also, for the record yes I do write other things, but due to 1. being betaed, and 2. being long, I really only have examples for Nebuchadnezzar's Dream.)

The prologue that never was. Apologies for the fluff saturation:

The Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar II once had a dream.

There was a statue that was gold on top, then silver, then copper, then iron, then clay and iron. As he watched, a rock struck its feet, and soon the whole statue crumbled, leaving nothing but rubble. The rock then grew into a great mountain that covered all the world.

This, the prophet Daniel told the king, was a message from Jehovah.

The statue represented five great human empires, the golden head being the Babylonian Empire, and the following three being those who would come after. The last would be both iron and clay, a divided kingdom. It will fall, and then the kingdom of Heaven will come, crushing those empires in its path.

Thousands of years later, in 1453, the Byzantine Empire fell. The last of the Roman Empire, a divided kingdom, had fallen.

The Christian world trembled, because reckoning was surely near. With the fall of this last, great human empire, all the world would fall to rubble.

-

Fifteen years had passed.

The Cullens had left Forks behind, settling in the small town of Grafton, Idaho. Carlisle had quickly settled into the new hospital, and Esme had designed a beautiful new home for them while the rest attended the new school. Jasper and Rosalie were Carlisle’s younger siblings while Bella, Edward, Renesmée and Esme comprised another set of siblings. Alice and Emmett were the fosters.

Jacob wasn’t far, he still lived with his old .

«Did you hear they all scored an A on Mr Rosen’s test? Seriously, all of them!»

The words were uttered by Jenna Gilbert, a blonde sophomore who reminded Bella very much of Jessica Stanley. She was sitting on the opposite end of the cafeteria from Bella and her family, though

«Jen, it’s the Cullens, that’s just what they do. You should stop comparing yourself…» her friend said soothingly.

Bella ducked her face into her hand to hide her smile, and winked at Alice, who grinned back at her.

It was Bella and Renesmée’s first time going to high school as a vampire. It was exactly what Edward and Alice had said it would be, for better and for worse.

For the worse, because she spent her days pretending to be a human girl, never using her strength or speed, pretending Edward wasn’t her husband and Renesmée wasn’t her daughter.

For the better, because she got to spend every day with Edward, Renesmée, and the rest of her new family. The others had done the high school routine too many times to see things the way she did, and Renesmée had never known a life without the Cullens, but to Bella, attending high school as one of Dr. Cullen’s adoptive kids felt like she had truly come full circle since that first day she spotted Edward in the cafeteria. She was one of them, truly, irrevocably, and high school was nothing if not a promise of the countless years to come surrounded by the people she loved.

Edward caught her eye, and she smiled back at him. She lowered her shield briefly to show him how happy she was to be with her family.

His face softened into that beautiful, lop-sided smile of his, and he leaned in to whisper into her ear, «You’ll be less happy when you’ve been through English 101,» he said.

«Hey, hey,» Jasper said quickly. «Don’t you dare, Edward, I need all the happiness I can get in this place.» He locked eyes with Bella. «Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.»

Bella laughed, and rested her head on Edward’s shoulder. He placed his hand above hers on the table, and she smiled. «Not a problem, Jazz.»

Jenna’s voice caught her notice again. «Look at how they’re sitting! Try and tell me they’re not incestuous, Cam. Just try.»

Her friend didn’t reply to that one, although a quick glance informed Bella that the girl was staring at the Cullen table with a frown on her face.

Bella and Alice caught each others’ eye again, and this time they couldn’t hold back the giggles.

***********

Later in the day, Alice’s eyes lit up. «You’ll receive a letter from Stefan and Vladimir a week from now,» she chirped.

«Oh!» Bella exclaimed. «What does it say?»

«The usual,» Alice replied, her eyes slightly distant as she concentrated. «They hope we’re all doing well, and they included a new story of how things used to be before the Volturi. It’s the story of how they once built an entire temple for themselves in just one day. Oh, and they have a new phone number. O-seven nine six five nine six.»

Bella’s eyes widened as Alice talked. She hoped they had included drawings of that temple, it sounded incredible.

Bella hadn’t expected the Romanians to stay in touch, when they left after the thwarted battle with the Volturi she thought they would slink back into the old European shadows they had cloaked themselves in for that past several thousand few years, not to be heard from until some new threat to the Volturi loomed.

But no, that very next Christmas Bella had received a gift from them. It was an old, if flaked painting of Ivan the Terrible looking a lot like Vladimir, and a note from Vladimir explaining how he fooled all of Russia into believing he was their ruler for decades, all right beneath Aro’s nose. Carlisle had broken into a fit of uncharacteristic giggles when he heard that, and even agreed to put the painting in the hallway. To this day, he’d huff with silent laughter whenever he walked past it.

After that, Bella and the two Romanians had been in touch. They’d send her gifts, stories, and their own observations about the Volturi, and she’d respond fondly.

It was a very unlikely friendship, but she was was eternally grateful to all those who had stood with her family when the Volturi came. The Romanians were no exception,

«Are you going to call them?» Alice inquired.

Bella nodded. «They were going to tell me about their visit to Thebes.»

(Outline: Prologue of sorts. Status quo update, everyone’s happy except for the part where the Volturi are waiting to kill them. Alice, Bella, and Edward form their plan. Alice sees that she’s going to have to send Carlisle away, and coincidentally his hospital colleagues are having their Christmas weekend in Montana. PERFECT. She talks to him.)

***********

Heavily altered scene from chapter 7

Carlisle makes more jokes than he did in the final product, they're unfunny to the point where my beta said "you can't publish this", the plague joke in particular is a bit too dark for him so I gave it to Jane instead. More importantly, the chapter itself has a very weird, clunky start:

«Is it the gift of being profoundly unimpressed by ridiculous claims?» Carlisle deadpanned. «Because if so, Aro, I think you might be on to something.»

Several seconds had passed since Aro made his ridiculous claim. At first, Carlisle had burst out laughing. Then, as he realized he was the only person in the room laughing and Aro was staring at him in full seriousness, his laughter had trailed off and he’d been left to stare dully at Aro for several long seconds, waiting for Aro to crack up and say «gotcha!».

Aro never cracked up.

Carlisle had absolutely no idea what Aro was playing at, especially not immediately after Carlisle had very reluctantly decided against shutting him out of his life.

«You can’t be serious,» he’d said.

Aro had sighed. «I’m afraid I am.»

And now, at Carlisle’s deadpan guess, Aro only shook his head. «Not quite.»

Carlisle stared at him for another second, before he ventured another, scathing guess. «Are you hoping it’s the power of being highly suggestible? Because I definitely don’t have that, or I would have abandoned my diet centuries centuries ago.»

Aro just looked at him. «If you would let me explain-» he began, but Carlisle cut him off.

«No, no, you want to try and convince me I have some sort of gift, then I want to guess at what you’re going for,» he said, crossing his legs at the knee and propping his chin up on his knuckle in a faux-pensive look.

«Now,» he continued, even as Aro gave him the world’s most unimpressed glare, as if Carlisle was the one who was being ridiculous, «I’m pretty sure I would have noticed the power to throw fireballs by now, so it can’t be that,» he mused aloud. «Same goes for the power of…» he searched his mind, «turning into a bat. That one would definitely have come up at some point. Or maybe I should suspend myself upside down in a cave. See if it triggers anything. Just to be sure.»

«Carlisle,» Aro murmured, but Carlisle wasn’t done.

«Maybe I spread disease. My father certainly thought demons did. Maybe that’s why I get so many interesting patients. Those brain fungi,» he nodded towards Renata, who was still sitting with the book open in her lap, «I’ve had two in one year. That’s a lot.»

«Carlisle-» Aro tried again, but Carlisle held up a finger, a wide grin spreading across his face.

«The power to change my eye color. You see, yesterday they were black-»

Aro actually rolled his eyes at that. Of course, he made the insolent gesture look like a fluid, enchanting movement.

«Yes, quite funny, now if you would let me explain…» Aro tried again while Carlisle tried not to snicker at his own joke.

***********

Two deleted paragraphs from chapter 9. The alteration was made because it was a bit on the nose about what Renesmée does.

Humans were mammals, and mammals were hardwired to protect their young. This extended across species, making mother cats care for puppies and humans care for anything that was small and cute. The instinct to love and cherish anything cute and helpless was an evolutionary necessity, and had to run deeper than anything if a species wanted to survive.

Enter Jane, who was the smallest, cutest thing Carlisle had ever seen, but from a species humans instinctively knew to fear. Maybe the very fact that she was something that humans knew they should want to care for made their fear exponential, made it impossible to deny that something was very wrong about her, that they were looking at a predator.

Perhaps too there was something to vampires having retained some of that human instinct to protect their young, if the countless stories of covens dying to protect their immortal children was anything to go by. Carlisle himself had been no exception when the Volturi came for Renesmée, even as he found himself risking the lives of countless friends.

How far things had come, he thought, from preparing to die along with his loved ones at the hands of the Volturi to sitting across a café table with Jane and pitching costume ideas.

***********

Chapter 9 was heavily altered, mainly as it was too funny the first (and second!) time around and I kept having to return to insert more existential dread. A side effect of this is that Carlisle in the original draft was still undecided on whether he had a gift up until the very end of the chapter, whereas it's proven beyond a doubt much earlier in the published version.

Jane was looking a bit daunted, though it was nothing compared to how Carlisle felt.

Silently, they went to stand in front of one of the many sports stores that Whitefish had to offer.

«This could still be confirmation bias,» Carlisle whispered, and leaned against the wall. For all the human blood that was in his system, his knees felt oddly weak.

Jane let out a startled laugh. «You’re seriously still in denial?»

Carlisle shook his head quietly. «They reacted pretty reasonably, just because they didn’t run away screaming…»

«Reasonably?» Jane echoed dully. «Carlisle, you can’t actually…» she shook her head. «Remember that bubble we talked about?»

Carlisle put his head in his hands, and let his fingers move up, under the wig, pulling it off in one neat motion.

Jane shook her head at him. «You look even more glamorous with your real hair.»

Carlisle still said nothing, balling the wig together in his hands.

Could it be he actually had a gift?

***********

The chapter 11 outline originally had Renata and Carlisle failing to communicate like normal people because they've spent too much time with Aro, and unintentional innuendo keeps ruining their attempts to make polite small talk. Sadly (or happily) this is a lot easier to conceptualize than carry out in actual writing, and their conversation wound up being far too serious for that, so it was cut. Luckily for you I did pen Carlisle flashbacking to a time his foot got in his mouth:

The moment after the words were out her face scrunched up.

Carlisle snorted. «Aro is a horrible influence on us all.»

He remembered one of his first talks with Jasper, when they were still getting to know each other.

Jasper had been a little starstruck when he learned Carlisle’s friends in Italy were those Italians.

He’d asked Carlisle a lot of questions once he got past a misplaced sense of awe, wanting to put a face to the eternal, petrified, leaders of the vampire world.

During a hunt with just the two of them, Jasper had been asking about Aro’s gift.

«What do you even think about when you’re with him?» Jasper had marvelled aloud, and he would later explain that the way he say it, this was like the way the Egyptian gods supposedly measured souls.

Place your heart upon the balancing scale against the weight of a feather, and if your heart weighs heavier it is devoured by the demon Ammit.

Place your hand in Aro’s, and if he deems you guilty of breaking his law, you will be torn to pieces in the space of a second.

Being friends with the man sounded unbearably stressful to Jasper.

Unfortunately, Carlisle’s mind had gone in the opposite direction, and what came out of his mouth before he could stop himself was, «England.»

He’d covered well enough for that, or he hoped he had. Jasper never asked.

***********

Chapter 11 was also supposed to have Renata being brave enough to ask for a selfie with Carlisle when they're both in black robes, this because I just really want Edward to sift through the Volturi group chat after all this and finding that. Alas, I couldn't work it in there. (Determined to not lose the joke, I had Aro take the photos in chapter 12 instead.)

***********

Chapter 12, the fandom ghost requested I include another butt slap and offered me fanart if I fulfilled her wish.

And so:

He held up a hand, presumably to touch Carlisle’s arm in comfort, but just then Alec started retching.

«He ate human food,» Jane deadpanned to Demetri, Felix, and Renata. Shaking her head, she brushed Alec’s hair out of his face as he hurled into the river.

Aro grimaced slightly, his hand hovering in the air.

Carlisle felt all the bread, corn flakes, and water that he’d swallowed press uncomfortably against his esophagus. «I’ll do you one better, Alec,» he choked, before he span around, fell to his knees and started retching, much like a cat.

Aro, evidently not sure what to do with his arm but not about to let it drop purposelessly, gave Carlisle a supportive pat on the bum before kneeling beside him to hold his hair as he hurled.

It was funny, but simply didn't fit the tone considering what happened after. It had to go. But hey, I got the art.

[chenziee]

Dine and Dash (chapter 1)

[Read on AO3 or under the cut]

Can you believe it's been 11 years since Ace was saved from Marineford? Yeah, me neither. Still feels like fucking yesterday. So happy they managed save him in the end :) #ForeverInDenial

I took the opportinity of the anniversary of chapter 574 being published to finally write the obligatory Everybody is alive and nothing hurts AU that we all deserve, especially a certain beautiful, precious fire boy <3 (And yes, I know the anniversary was yesterday, I fucked up but shhh)

----------

Relationships: ASL brothers, Law/Luffy

Rating: Teen and Up

Words: 1894

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Everybody Lives, Nothing Hurts, Portgas D. Ace Lives, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, lawlu being cute, Protective Sabo (One Piece), Protective Portgas D. Ace, best big bros protective of their innocent baby bro, ASL Brothers, what else uhhh, i might add more as i go, Donquixote "Corazon" Rosinante Lives

Summary: When the three brothers who had once terrorized the Grey Terminal as well as the Goa Capital come together, nothing good can come of it. Even though they're not children anymore. Or maybe especially since they're not children anymore.

Or; the obligatory Everybody Is Alive And Nothing Hurts AU

---------

When Ace jumped from his raft up onto the railing of Luffy’s ship, he honestly didn’t expect someone to be standing right where he landed. He couldn’t blame Nami for screaming like she did in favor of a normal greeting, and it was also no surprise when Luffy’s voice came only a second later, asking what was wrong in a voice full of alarm. What was surprising, however, was when Luffy’s head popped out from behind what looked like a large polar bear sleeping right on the deck of the Thousand Sunny. Seriously, Luffy and his tendency to pick up the weirdest things.

"Hey, Luffy," Ace greeted, waving at his brother.

A bright smile appeared on Luffy's face when he realized just who the intruder was, scrambling to his feet and immediately falling over, nearly landing face first onto the lawn. Ace just had to laugh at the sight, but his amusement soon died down. Instead, he had to frown at the pained groan and cursing in a voice that was decidedly not Luffy's, and neither did it seem to have come from the polar bear who was still snoozing away without care.

"Sorry, Torao," Luffy apologized with a sheepish smile directed at the person he had apparently tripped over.

Who the hell was ‘Torao?’ Who was the person Ace could only assume his baby brother was napping with? Seemed like an interrogation was in order. Later though, there were arrangements to be made first. After all, having back up on this couldn't hurt and he had the best back up just waiting for him on the next island.

Picking himself up and running over, Luffy nearly crashed into Nami in his hurry this time, but his navigator managed to side step him at the last second, probably expecting something like this to happen. Luffy only shot her a crooked smile and a half-hearted apology, prompting her to shake her head at him, crossing her arms over her chest in a scolding manner.“Honestly, how is your entire family like this? One of you is going to give me a heart attack one day.”

“Sorry,” Ace and Luffy apologized in unison, the both of them bowing to her for good measure. After all, they both knew all too well that Nami’s wrath was scarier than anything they had ever witnessed on the Grand Line so far.

Nami huffed, shooting one last unhappy glare at them before she turned around and said, “We should be arriving at the next island in a few hours, I’m going to check what we need and get things ready.”

Ace sighed in relief; it seemed like they had somehow managed to avoid the worst.

"Ace, what are you doing here?" Luffy asked as soon as Nami walked away.

Ace grinned, finally jumping off of the railing he had been perching on. “Can’t I just come visit my favourite baby bro?”

“Of course you can,” Luffy said, sticking his tongue out at him. “I just didn’t expect you. Weren’t you going to Wano to see Tama?”

“Yeah, but there was a change of plans. Sabo’s actually on the island you’re heading to so I took a detour,” Ace explained with a shrug.

The reaction was immediate. Just as Ace expected, Luffy perked up even more, his smile going impossibly wide and Ace could swear there were stars in his eyes. He was also basically vibrating in place and Ace had to chuckle at the sight. He understood Luffy’s excitement, neither of them got to see the revolutionary nearly as often as they would have liked for obvious reasons, but Luffy was just too cute when he got like this. How he even did the… bright all over thing was something beyond Ace’s understanding but he loved seeing it every single time regardless.

“Sabo’s there?! Why didn’t he tell me?” Luffy cried out, grabbing onto Ace’s arm in his eagerness.

Before Ace could reply, the other person who had been hidden behind the polar bear until then stood up, muttering seemingly to himself, but loud enough for both Ace and Luffy to hear, “Oh great, there’s going to be three of them.”

“Torao~,” Luffy whined, turning to look at the grumpy man with a pout. “Don’t say it as if it’s a bad thing,” he finished, bouncing away from Ace to stand in front of the other man instead.

Ace scowled at the sight of Luffy peeking up at ‘Torao,’ who only stared back impassively as if he wasn’t bothered in the least by Luffy’s puppy eyes. Ace didn’t think that was even possible. Not to mention they were standing way too close to each other for Ace’s tastes.

“It is a bad thing. There’s way too much energy just with you, Luffy-ya. I don’t need more of it around me,” Torao told him, finishing with a light flick to Luffy’s forehad. An action that nearly had Ace toss a fireball at him if only Luffy didn’t start giggling over it.

Suddenly, Luffy stepped even closer to the man, wrapping his arms around his waist and grinning up at him. “You love it,” he announced, sounding all too proud of himself.

“In very small doses,” Torao admitted before leaning down and kissing the top of Luffy’s head.  

Oh, Sabo was so hearing about this.

Ace cleared his throat loudly, raising his hand to make sure the fire crackling threateningly in his palm was the first thing Torao would see when he looked in his direction.

“Nice to see you again, too, Fire Fist-ya,” the man said flatly, one eyebrow raised.

Ace smiled at him, making sure it look as fake as he could make it. “Trafalgar Law. What do you think you’re doing to my little brother?”

“What does it look like?” Law shot back, showing a smirk that only managed to irk Ace further. If Luffy wasn’t standing right there, he would really have thrown that fireball at him.

“Ace?” Luffy asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion as he looked at the fire dancing angrily under Ace’s command.

Ace sighed at that, reluctantly putting the flames out. That asshole was seriously so lucky Luffy was there. He and Sabo would have to corner him later and threaten him when Luffy wasn’t looking. “Anyway, as I was saying—” Ace shook his head, trying to make himself focus on the matter at hand— “I don’t think Sabo knew you were this close to the island. He said he only had one afternoon free and absolutely needed to see me for some reason. So, Luffy. Want to come with us to get something to eat?” he asked, even though he knew the answer. As if Luffy would ever say no to that.  

“Let’s get meat!” Luffy exclaimed loudly, full of enthusiasm and throwing both arms in the air. He nearly punched Law in the face.

Sadly, it really was only nearly but Ace still took great pleasure in returning the smirk Law had given him earlier. He quickly turned back to Luffy, however, and replied, “Well, Sabo seemed like he had something in mind already so let’s just go and see.”

Luffy nodded at his words, a bright, happy smile that looked just the same as it did all those years ago at Mt. Colubo on his face, and Ace felt his previous smirk melt into a fond smile in return. There was warmth in his chest at the sight, the knowledge that his little brother was still the same even after everything that had happened over the years making him incredibly happy.

Without even realizing, Ace’s hand came to touch his own exposed chest, his fingers tracing the rough, large burn scar that Akainu had left there during the war four years ago. It was honestly a miracle he was even alive. He had fully accepted death back on the execution scaffold but then Luffy crashed in, just as loud, just as unexpected as always, bringing so much chaos with him that it changed the entire course of the whole ordeal. And then he accepted it once more when he threw himself in Akainu’s way to protect Luffy.

But now here they were, both of them miraculously alive—thanks to Jinbe, Marco, Vista, and, as much as it pained him to admit it given the very recent circumstances, mostly thanks to Trafalgar Law’s incredible timing and medical skill—and both bearing lava burn scars on their chests as a reminder of what could have happened; what was so incredibly close to happening. It was incredible how much the experience had changed them, yet somehow, how they were still the same as they used to be when playing pirates in their little tree house base.

And when Sabo had appeared in front of them again, with tears and apologies and so very alive, it felt almost inevitable.

Ace shook his head at his own thoughts. This was no time to get all sentimental. “Okay, Sabo’s waiting. Are you ready to go? Striker isn’t really a two person boat but it should be okay,” Ace said, gesturing towards his fire powered raft.

“Yes!” Luffy shouted like he had just won something. “Your boat always seems so fun to play with,” he sang, running over to look down at the slim, sleek raft that was gently swaying along the Sunny.

“Glad you’re so excited,” Ace chuckled.

He went to jump back down on Striker immediately, but Luffy stopped him when he spoke up next, “Oh wait. Do you think we could take the Mini Merry? Torao is meeting his dad on the island, too.”

Ace paused, looking at Luffy with a slight frown. What the hell was a ‘mini merry?’ But more importantly, did they really have to take Trafalgar with them?

Thankfully, Law had saved Ace from having to deal with either of those questions when he spoke up instead, “Thanks but I’ll stay here, Cora-san won’t be there until evening anyway. Plus, I’m not going to risk your brother drowning me on the way.” He shot Ace another one of those smirks when he finished and Ace almost wanted to burn it off of his face but…

“Fair point,” he admitted instead, surprised at the laughter that bubbled out of his chest. He shuddered in horror at the idea of this asshole growing on him.  

“I have no idea what you two are talking about,” Luffy mumbled in annoyance, but perked back up a second later when he announced he was going to let the crew know he was going on ahead.

Ace and Law looked at each other, Ace trying to convey with his eyes the threat of bodily harm that he was thinking in regards to the man standing in front of him. He could only assume he had succeeded when the corners of Law’s mouth twitched up slightly, followed by the surgeon flipping Ace off before he turned around and walked off, sitting down and making himself comfortable with his back resting against the somehow still asleep polar bear.

He was seriously pissing Ace off.

He did have to give it to him, though; if nothing else, this asshole had guts. Reluctantly, Ace had to admit that was probably the most important qualification to pass as Luffy’s boyfriend. He was still not getting out of that interrogation though.

---------

[chapter 2 coming...... as soon as I can finish it]

[onslaughtsixdotcom]

Scaling Up Dragon Heist

Around April or May of 2019, I started to run Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, one of the official WotC 5e hardcovers. I’m still not done with it, although that is largely the fault of COVID and my own extensions to the campaign. 

I think Dragon Heist is one of the better 5e modules by WotC. I think it’s got a strong playground for the characters, and Waterdeep has 30+ years of publication history to draw on. The release of the module also heralded in a HUGE amount of third party extension content, including the famous Alexandrian Remix. I hadn’t heard of this before I started running my campaign and having ideas about how to do it, so it didn’t influence me--although I’m sure we came to a lot of similar conclusions and ideas, based on common perceptions of what the actual flaws are of the module.

Still, despite those flaws, I think they help the module rather than hinder it. It gives the DM a shitload of room to improvise and draw in the margins, rather than some other 5e adventures which feel like they can’t be fucked with in the least.

Here’s the kicker: I started my adventure at level 4. We had a pre-existing party that I had run through the classic N1: Against the Cult of the Reptile God. (Fun fact: A map that I drew is the 3rd Google Images result for that. Woah.)

The party spent a few real-world weeks traveling across about 7 days of overland travel where I ran some drop in one shots; including Mike Krahulik’s Dusk (a Twilight parody) and a really fun 2 hour diversion where the players saw an ancient blue dragon take off the roof of a church during a wedding. Then they arrived in my city: Dawnharbour.

I don’t run the Forgotten Realms. I find it not to my taste. Most of the names suck. The lore is invariably boring or weird, and not the fun kind of weird. I was going to run Dragon Heist, and I was going to put it in my own city. I gave the players some justification previously for why they would want to go there: The cleric’s sister had been kidnapped by the Cult of the Reptile God and turned into a Yuanti; a snake person. The bard had stolen a golden statue of the Reptile God and wanted to melt it down and plate his violin with it. I told the cleric that they would need a high level magic user and someone in Dawnharbour could probably help them; ditto the bard needing a highly skilled magical blacksmith. The third player didn’t really care where they went since he was on the run from his home country. So, off to Dawnharbour. They reached level 4 when they got to the city.

I won’t bore you with the rest of the details of my city or everything I changed for the campaign. Instead, I’ll talk up some hard and fast ways to make the adventure work for a higher level party. Most of them revolve around the encounters. I’m assuming the party will start around level 4 or 5.

Chapter 1

The book opens with the players in the Yawning Portal, a famous tavern with a big ass well to a megadungeon underneath. (More on this later.) They’re hanging out doing whatever when a troll and some stirges pop out of the well. The book says that the players get attacked by the stirges while the owner of the bar, a typical Forgotten Realms 15th level Fighter running a fucking bar for a living deals with the troll.

A troll is CR 5. They can handle a troll. If they can’t, you have a bigger problem.

Next up the book leads them to a Zhentarim warehouse. When they get there it’s abandoned and there are (ugh) 3 Kenku. Kenku are like tengu if they sucked. They’re bird people who can only speak in mimickry, like parrots. They can only repeat words they’ve heard before. This is stupid as fuck (especially when a player wants to be one) but more importantly, they are incredibly weak. I think the kenku are just hanging out or they got captured by the Zhentarim who left them there after they bail or something like that. Whatever.

I put the Zhentarim there instead. I put like 20 Zhentarim. I used the Spy statblock; they don’t have a lot of CR and at level 4 or 5, the players are real slice and dicey about killing them. They can basically carve through two of these dudes in a turn. It was *really* fun to just have the players mow down these mooks. They used the 2nd floor to their advantage, casting Grease on the stairs and creating a bottleneck and then picking them off with ranged attacks and spells. I think I might have given the Zhents 1hp and treated them as minions (see 4e). 

I think I had the police show up after they were all dead; someone heard the commotion and called the cops. I think I also put an NPC there; I shuffled around a bunch of the NPCs the module uses. (They got their quest to save Volo from Bigby in the Yawning Portal; instead of finding Volo here, I think they found my equivalent of Renaer Neverremember.) There was a day’s break between this and them going into the sewers in the next part.

The sewer introduces the Xanathar’s minions. I believe a Duergar is actually there and I took this as a sign--I made most of Xanathar’s mooks Duergar, and then decided--this dude is a Beholder and he has a Mindflayer for a lieutenant. The Xanathar’s forces should ALL be classic D&D dungeon monsters, like rust monsters and umber hulks and ropers. This gives you a wide variety of weird shit you can throw at your players at different CR levels, and the idea of a gangster Beholder who thinks hiring a bunch of umber hulks to go shake down a local deli is fucking hilarious. But, it doesn’t make them any less dangerous. Throw some umber hulks or something in this lair. Go nuts--the weirder, the better. Xanathar’s crew should have no qualm about hanging out with a gibbering mouther or a carrion crawler.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2 is the least developed chapter in the book. It also revolved around a bunch of Forgotten Realms faction nonsense that I wanted nothing to do with. I used this time instead to formally introduce the Xanathar, the Cassalanters and Jarlaxle. After they foiled his plans to rig a goldfish competition (think a dog show but for fish), the Xanathar became convinced the players worked for the Zhentarim and invited them to have a sit down about their intentions; if they worked for the Zhents he wanted to formally declare war. The players hated the Zhents--they killed an NPC they liked back during N1, partially to set this all up. Xanny was cool with that.

The Cassalanters were a way to introduce a new player. They call up the Blackstaff to say, hey we have a magic item, can you send a guy here to deliver it? (Magic item possession is illegal on the streets in my setting, but if someone important hires you to transport it, then you can do it. This makes being a courier a very lucrative job; lots of people are just carrying around other people’s stuff for a living.) They almost immediately knock out the new player sent to pick up the item, and replace him with their dofflegagher. The idea was that the dofflegagher player would then infiltrate the Blackstaff’s organization.

Blackstaff is no dumbass and hired a random dude off the street--my new player. Then, Blackstaff hired the rest of the party to go rescue him--mostly as a ruse to snuff out the Cassalanters and get evidence that they were shitty.

When they encountered the Cassalanters, I used a Cambion; one of their servants turned into him. This guy slowly became a recurring lieutenant; he was basically the Goldar for the Cassalanter’s Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa. At the time, I hadn’t read any lore for Cambions; I’m not particularly concerned with monster lore the way the guys who make the game write it. I literally thumbed through my deck of monsters, saw this winged devil horn dude, and said, “Right on, he looks like he’ll work.” A Cambion is CR5, more than suitable for the encounters the party will have with him over the next few levels. The Fiendish Charm ability is fun and can really fuck with the players; I ruled, of course, that anyone under its affect would obviously be free if the Cambion was killed. Even after it was killed, he just kept on coming back, because he’s from Hell and killing him on this plane doesn’t really do anything.

As the players continue to face the Cassalanters, a go-to seems to be spined devils. This is fine but not very powerful for a level 4, 5, 6 party. Therefore I suggest supplanting it with barbed devils. They’re CR5. Adding one or two of those to an encounter with spined devils can make this a real fun encounter that isn’t too horribly overwhelming, especially if at least one of your martial characters has a magic weapon (which they fucking should; they’re level 5!)

IMO you can also introduce Jarlaxle in this chapter; a fun way is through his Zardoz Zord persona. It could simply be that Jarlaxle knows Volo (or any other NPC the players know) and wants to invite them to a free meal to get to know them. In my game, Jarlaxle operates openly as himself (I found it would just complicate things if he was someone else) and invited the players to his yacht shortly after they met the Xanathar, to formally tell them all about the Vault of Dragons, the Stone, and how everyone they have met in the city is after it.

Chapter 3

I am not the biggest fan of this part of the module. I think nimblewrights and similar creatures are really dumb and don’t fit my D&D world. A lot of the stuff in this chapter is investigation stuff, and you can play that out however you like. It doesn’t drastically need scaling up, though you may have to account for something like Zone of Truth that they might not normally have access to. It also helps if you do the opposite of the book, and make the police a bunch of shitheads who don’t care about the city--this way the players are actually motivated to help. I’ve seen a LOT of posts that open with “the fireball happened and my players shrugged and said they would let the police handle it.” Horrible! The police should either be incompetent, apathetic, or (best case) both. They don’t care who did this and if they did, they wouldn’t be able to catch them. Now it’s completely on the players.

IMO it also helps if you do the leg work to make the NPC someone they actually care about. In the book it’s an NPC they’ve never met but they have a mutual acquaintance through--it would be nice if they get invited to a dinner with this NPC or something similar prior to this. Or, change it to be any NPC they like who you don’t mind killing. Hell, they’re level 5 or 6 at this point--if they got a cleric, they can even cast Revivify and wake the dude up. They could even cast Speak With Dead and immediately find out who blew him up or what he was doing here!

Moving on, there’s the Gralland Villa. I retooled the name to actually sound like a good name; sue me. 

The book has a bunch of Zhents hanging out here. A simple way to make this dramatic and hard is to pull the trigger and make the players fight their way in. The stone is right here at the villa and they need to steal it. Sounds simple enough.

Things got complicated for my party when a recurring NPC appeared. She was an ex girlfriend of the bard in our party; they were both Tieflings. She now worked for the Zhentarim and was basically their second in command. And she was here to steal the stone, come Hell or high water. The bard, still in love with her, was perfectly content to let her steal it and even cover her getaway. The rest of the players, not so much, but when the chaos was ensuing and she was literally running past them with the stone in hand, made the decision that it was smarter to try and help her escape and then figure out how to get the stone from her later, than try and get it from her now.

This led literally directly to chapter 4.

Chapter 4

By now it’s obvious: I used all 4 bad guys.

I ran through the chapter and picked the coolest maps and best encounter ideas, including the rooftop chase, the theater, the sewer and the courthouse. I weaved them together carefully, and all the changes I had made to the groups paid off when they entered the theater, chased by barbed devils and our Cambion friend, only to have an Umber Hulk with the Xanathar’s logo painted on his face crash through the stage, flanked by two Duergar. Add in some Drow gunslingers and it was a fucking party.

(the large hexagon is where somebody cast Darkness; the big scuffed circle is a grody spot on my grid tiles. I still need new ones...)

The courthouse had a great scene where the Cassalanter dofflegagher impersonated the chief of police, interrogating the players for the code word to activate the stone (I added one; who cares?) until the real chief of police showed up! The players had to do an entire encounter with this guy while handcuffed; thank god for verbal only spells, right? 

From here the stone ended up with the players, and then it ended up with Jarlaxle who they are working for. Jarlaxle attuned to it and told them the Vault of Dragons is inside Undermountain; 3, 5 levels deep? Who knows? And it requires 3 keys: The Crown of Asmodeus, the Ring of Winter, and the Robe of the Archmagi.

I gave these 3 magic items to the Cassalanters, the Xanathar and Manshoon. This is a pretty common hack and it means the lairs in the book actually get used. I made up one of the magic items (Crown of Asmodeus) and stole another from a module I don’t intend to run as written (the Ring of Winter is, I believe, in either Tomb of Annihilation or Storm King’s Thunder). They’re fun!

So the rest of the campaign has been the players bouncing between going deep into Undermountain, the megadungeon underneath the Yawning Portal, and going to the 3 different villain factions to steal their shit. 

The villain lairs are NOT statted for level 5 players AT ALL. The players have no hope of actually killing ANY of the villains at level 5; to fight the Xanathar is a pure TPK at level 5. But at level 8, like where my players are now? One of them died and then got Revivified; the others all survived or made their saves when they were hit by death or disintegration. (In the spirit of the Xanathar, I rolled every eye beam randomly, rerolling if I had used that ray in the last round.) That’s about the best you can hope for with a Beholder IMO! 

The rest of the lairs you can mostly run as-is. Any very low CR mooks, basically anything lower than 1 or 2 CR, I would probably replace with a higher CR variant. We’ve already discussed what you can replace them with above, and if you’ve made it this far into the module, you should have a pretty good sense of what your players can handle.

[atomic-taco-muffin]

The Lost Princess Chapter 12

I love this series okay?! Leave me alone!

Warnings: Fluff/angst?

Rating: SFW

(pouty Sora is my new favorite thing)

You, Sora, Donald, and Goofy had arrived in Olympus Coliseum. The four of you entered the Coliseum Gates, where two giant golden statues of gladiators clashing swords stood around the entrance. The four of you walked across the grounds and entered the Coliseum. Walking into the dim lobby, the cracks in the stone visible underfoot, a satyr was putting up a sign on the wall near an entrance. A “closed” sign was tied in the dark doorway and a large pedestal was placed against a wall near a lit torch. You and Sora walked up to the busy-looking satyr. 

“Um...” you said. 

“Good timing. Give me a hand, will ya? Move that pedestal over there for me,” the satyr said, not looking at you two and pointed to  the pedestal, still facing the sign on the wall. 

“I gotta spruce this place up for the game,” he said. You, Sora, Donald and Goofy walked over to the pedestal and attempted to move it, but it didn’t budge. 

“It weighs a ton!” Sora said. The four of you went to go talk to the satyr again.

“It’s way too heavy!” Sora said. 

 “What? Too heavy? Since when have you been such a little—” the satyr said as he turned around, expecting to see someone much taller. He looked down at you and Sora. 

“Oh. Wrong guy. What’re you doing here?” he said as he hopped down to your level and gaited toward Donald, who backed away. 

“This here’s the world-famous Coliseum—heroes only! And I got my hands full preparing for the games. So run along, pip-squeaks,” he said. Sora pouted and the satyr put his hands on his hips. 

“Look, it’s like this,” Phil said as he paced around. “Heroes are coming from all over to fight ferocious monsters right here in the Coliseum.”

“You’ve got heroes standing right in front of you,” Donald said as he crossed his arms. Goofy placed his hands on you and Sora’s shoulders, and the two of smiled. 

“Yup. He’s a real hero chosen by the Keyblade! And she has the power of a spirit!” Goofy said. 

“And we’re heroes, too,” Donald said, pointing to himself.

“Heroes? Those runts?” Phil asked shocked. He laughed loudly, slapping his large belly. 

“What’s so funny? We’ve fought a bunch of monsters!” you said. 

“Hey, if you can’t even move this...” Phil said as he attempted to push the pedestal forward, making no progress. 

“You can’t call yourself...” He tried pushing with his back against it, his hooves slipping on the floor. Sora crossed his arms sternly.

“A hero!” He wore himself out and sat on the ground, trying to catch his breath. 

“Okay, so it takes more than brawn,” Phil said as he stood back up. 

“Well, well, let’s see what you can do. This trial is tough. You got what it takes? You ready?” he asked. 

“I’m ready!” Sora said. 

“Me too!” you said. 

“Okay, kids. Let’s see what you’ve got,” Phil said. You and the others entered the Coliseum, where several piles of barrels were set up around the arena. 

“The rules are simple: Bust all the barrels within the time limit. Ready? Go!” Phil said. You and Sora took down all the barrels with seconds to spare. 

“Not bad! For beginners, that is,” Phil said. You and Sora blasted through a harder course. 

“Hey, you’re better than I thought!” Phil said. You and Sora soon returned back into the lobby. 

“You know, you two ain’t bad,” Phil said. Sora scratched his head, chuckling while you smiled brightly. 

“Looks like we’re headed for the games,” Sora said as he puts his hands behind his head, smiling. 

“Afraid not,” Phil said. 

“Why not?” you asked surprised. 

“Two words: You guys ain’t heroes.” Goofy counted the words on his fingers and became confused. 

“Come on!” Sora whined. 

“Wanna become real heroes? Start by mastering this spell,” Phil said as he gave you four the Thunder spell and you walked outside, stopping when you four heard a voice. 

“Rather a stubborn old goat, wouldn’t you say?” he said. 

“Who are you?” Donald asked. 

“Whoa, hold on there, fuzz boy. Wait, let me guess. You want to enter the games, right?” He walked over to you four, the blue flame dancing on his head. He stood behind you and Sora, placing his long-fingered hand on you and Sora’s shoulder. 

“Well, then, hey, get a load of this,” he said. A piece of papyrus appeared in your hand, much to you and Sora’s surprise. 

“A pass?” Sora asked. 

“It’s all yours,” Hades said. He started to leave after giving you two the Entry Pass. 

“Good luck, kiddos. I’m pulling for you, little shorties,” he said. The four of you ran back inside and talked to Phil, giving him the Entry Pass. 

“Hey, how’d you get this?” Phil asked. 

“Can we enter the games now?” you asked. 

“Well... I guess so. We start with the preliminaries! Some real weirdos signed up for the games. Better watch yourself.” You, Sora, Donald, and Goofy fought through the starting matches of the preliminaries. Afterward, you talked to Phil in the Coliseum. 

“You’re no heroes yet, but you ain’t doing bad. Lucky you came to me for coaching,” Phil said. He stroked his goatee as a soldier entered the arena. You and Sora stared at him and he stared back through spiky blond hair, his long red cape flying behind him, boots digging into the ground.

“Something tells me he’ll be a tough one to beat. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up facing him,” Phil said. You and the trio fought through more matches and spoke with Phil.

“Say, you’re better than I thought, kiddos! Wish he was here to see this,” he said. 

“Who?” you asked. 

“Hercules. He’s a hero if ever there was one. Too bad he’s off visiting his father.” You and the trio fought through more of the preliminaries and celebrated while Hades watched from the barracks. 

“Those little punks is your next opponent, okay?” he said. The blond soldier leaned against the wall next to him. 

“Now, don’t blow it. Just take them out. Specifically the girl. She’s a got a power that is very interesting to me,” Hades said.  

“The great god of the Underworld is afraid of a kid? Sorry, but my contract says—” Cloud said. 

“I know! You think I don’t know? I wrote the contract! I know it says you’re only required to kill Hercules in this tournament. But you’ve gotta fight that kid to get to him. Come on,” Hades snapped as he pointed to you and Sora, who was talking to Phil and scratching his head. 

“Hey, it’s like that old goat says: Rule 11: It’s all just a game, so let loose and have fun with it!” Hades said as he punched the air. “I mean, a casualty along the way is no big deal, right?” He smiled and Cloud stood up and walked away. 

“Geez. Stiffer than the stiffs back home. Still, suckers like him are hard to come by...” Hades said. In the darkness behind him, a large creature snarled. You, Sora, Donald, and Goofy finished the preliminaries and entered the final match against Cloud. Sora attacks with his Keyblade, while Goofy moves in with his shield and you with your dagger and your powers. Cloud swung his giant sword and knocked the three of you back. 

“That’s the best you can do?” Cloud asked. Sora slid forward and struck, but he dodged backward and jumped into the air. Cloud slammed his sword into the ground with unnatural strength, knocking out Donald. Giving a loud yell, Cloud surged forward and struck, knocking Goofy out before he can heal Donald. You did your best against Cloud, but being a recruit of SOLDIER, his experience was unmatched, and he knocked the wind out of you. He walked over to a kneeling You, Sora, Donald and Goofy unconscious around them, and he peered down at the you. Phil ran in with a white towel, but Hades stopped him. Cloud raised his sword and you closed his eyes, bracing yourself. Cloud lowered his sword to your surprise, and you heard footsteps behind you, turning just as a giant black claw crashed down on you. You and Sora looked up to see an enormous three-headed beast with red eyes growling over you two. Darkness emanated from its jaws, each of its razor sharp teeth bared. Sora gasped as Hades retreated into the barracks. 

“Oh, right, there was one other rule I forgot: Accidents happen,” he said. The beast moved in to attack you and Sora, but was pushed back by an incredibly strong man. 

“Herc!” Phil said. Hercules held back the monster, shouting to Phil.

“Phil, get them out of here!” he said. The five of you raced out of the Coliseum. 

“Whew, that was close! That was Cerberus, the guardian of the Underworld. Herc should be able to handle him. But then again, maybe not... This doesn’t look good. I hope Herc’s okay. Wish I could go in!” Phil said. You and Sora started to run back into the Coliseum.

“Kids, you’re not entering the arena, are ya? This ain’t just some match. This is for real!” Phil said. 

“I’m not afraid. You can decide if I’m hero material or not,” you said. 

“Me neither,” Sora said. 

“Careful, kids!” Phil said. Sora and company reentered the Coliseum arena, where Hercules had Cloud slung over his shoulder, Cerberus’s giant jaws bearing down on him, inches away. The beast’s ears perked up, hearing your entrance and you turn around, allowing Hercules to run Cloud to the Lobby, past Phil. 

“Kids, I got two words of advice for you: Attack!“ Phil said. Cerberus roared and stomped around the arena, sending large fireballs at you, Sora, Donald, and Goofy. Sora managed to stay out of the beast’s path, Donald sending Thunder spells at its three heads and you throwing your dagger at the beast. One of the fireballs headed Sora’s way, and he deflected it with his Keyblade, hitting the center head square in the eyes. The beast stopped, roaring, and attempted to bite him as he attacks. Backing up, Cerberus reared up on its hind legs, and dropped to the ground, sending a shockwave to the trio. You healed Sora with a Potion as the beast’s mouth foamed with dark energy. It moved forward sending dark matter spewing out of its mouth and into the ground. Sora rolled to dodge as the energy pooled and shot up from under him. Goofy, finding a way on top of the beast, sent his shield flying at the multiple heads. Sora moved in as it tried to bite at Goofy and knocked out the beast, which fell to the ground loudly. Later, Hercules and Phil were addressing you, Sora, Donald, and Goofy in the Lobby. Phil read from a piece of papyrus as Hercules stood with his arms crossed. 

“Thus, I do hereby dub thee junior heroes, and confer upon thee full rights and privileges to participate in the games. Further—” Phil said. 

“Hey! What do you mean ‘junior heroes’?” Donald interrupted. 

“You rookies still don’t understand what it takes to be a true hero.” 

“So, what does it take?” Goofy asked. 

“Well, that’s just something you’ll have to find out for yourselves. Just the way that I did,” Hercules said as he smiled. 

“No problem. We’ll start by proving ourselves in the games,” you said. You and Sora smiled, him lifting a fist proudly. 

“There ain’t gonna be any games for a while,” Phil said as he motioned to the “closed” sign over the arena entrance. 

“Gotta clean up the mess from that last battle first,” he said. 

“Okay, we’ll be back,” Sora said. He waved, and the four of you leave as Hercules waved goodbye and Phil stroked his beard. 

“I still can’t believe that squirt actually beat Cerberus,” Phil said. 

“Just between us, I’d already worn Cerberus down by the time the little guy jumped in,” Herc said. 

“My lips are sealed.” At the Coliseum Gates, you saw Cloud sitting near the exit and you and Sora walked up to him. 

“Hey, are you alright?” you asked. Cloud looked up to see you.

“Yeah,” he said. 

“So why did you go along with him, anyway?” Sora asked. Cloud leaned his head pensively on his hands. 

“I’m looking for someone. Hades promised to help. I tried to exploit the power of darkness, but it backfired,” he said. He stood up and looked to the sky. 

“I fell into darkness, and I couldn’t find the light,” he said. 

“You’ll find it. We’re searching, too,” you said. Cloud looked back at you and Sora. 

“For your light?” he asked. You and Sora nodded and Cloud moved closer to you two, placing something in Sora’s hand. 

“Don’t lose sight of it,” he said. He started to walk away, and Sora nods and you looked in his hand. 

“How about a rematch sometime? Fair and square, no dark powers involved,” Sora said. He moved toward Cloud, waving his hand in the air. Cloud turned his head, running a hand through his hair. 

“I think I’ll pass,” he said. Despite this answer, You and Sora smiled as Cloud leaves. With Sonic Blade in hand, You and Sora exited the Coliseum, the doors slamming behind them. Later that night, Hades stood in the Coliseum Gates, fuming. He held a Hercules statue in his hand. 

“He’s strong, he’s kind,” he said. The statue flexed his muscles. 

“He’s always there for you, and he’s handsome to boot,” he said. The statue crossed his arms and winked. 

“He’s perfect. Perfect. Perfectly infuriating! He makes me crazy,” he said. Hades turned red, roasting the statue. The hair on his head blazing hot, he exploded in a burst of flames. As the smoke settled around him, he caught his breath and returned to his cool blue shade. 

“Wait a minute. What are you worried about? All the pieces are in place. Relax. Here’s what you do. Let Hercules train the kids. In the next games, I’ll take care of them,” he said. He made a fist as the horned witch appeared behind him, her staff held firmly in her hands. 

“Who invited you to the party? Stay out of this. This is my show,” he said. 

“As you wish. Fight to your heart’s content,” she said. Hades smirked, nodding, before noting the witch’s tone, and scowling as she disappeared.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Ten Sides (Part 11)

He has stirred another conflict within her. The only way to know for sure that she has her own mind is to destroy him. And yet Azula doesn’t hate him. She wants to but she can’t. Because he is genuine. Perhaps the only person who ever has been towards her. And maybe it is true. Maybe he doesn’t have any hold on her spirit anymore. Maybe it is her own doubt now. Her own doubt and the habits she has grown into. She supposes, in some manner, then  that means the Avatar still very much has a hold on her. But it is no longer physical. No longer intentional. It is just one more glaring abrasion on her psyche.

“If you need me to keep my distance, I will.” He says. “If that’s what it will take to get you to realize that you’re the one making decisions for yourself.”

“You can stay. But when I give an answer. You don’t question it. Don’t ask me if I’m sure. Don’t suggest anything else. Just take my answer for what it is.”

“Alright. I’ll stay.”

Azula nods.

“So where do we go from here?” He asks.

And this is precisely what she is unsure of. She thinks that getting her fire back is still the way to go. Certainly doing so would give her a much needed sense of security. And yet the very nature of her fire, down to its size, shape, and color, is wholly dependant on her personality, her spirit, her confidence. To bend her real fire requires her real self and finding her real self requires seeing that it is there in a blaze of blue. She isn’t sure which should come first when both things are so codependent on one another.

“Do you still want to firebend or do you have something else in mind?”

“Do we have many options?”

“We could go back to the Capital. I’m sure Zuko is itching for an explanation if Sangyul sent word to him about your...our escape.”

“I’m sure that he framed it as a solo activity.”

“Or as an Avatar going as crazy as his patient and abducting her.” His face flushes as soon as he realizes that his joke was quite careless and lacked tact.

She clears her throat. “Let’s just get back to firebending.” Really it beats the thought of confronting Zuko in a state that is somehow more pathetic than the one he’d last seen her in. And, really, it is the only solid plan that she has.

.oOo.

It feels unfathomably wrong. All of it feels unfathomably wrong.

Azula stands before him looking anything but confident and proud. He remembers her as she had been, chin high, a smirk on her lips, and a firm stance. Before him now she is sullen; her eyes tired and her posture is passive and somewhat slouched as if the weight of everything she has been through is physically crushing her.

“Okay, first things first, fix your stance. You can’t bend well if you’re so...loose.” More gently he adds, “you know that, Azula.”

“Yes, I do.” She pauses. “But I haven’t started bending yet, I’ll fix it when I actually start.”

He doesn’t call her on it, he isn’t certain that she is lying anyhow. “Why don’t you just show me one of your basic katas?”

“Which one?”

“Umm...I think that there’s one that goes sort of like this.” He drops into a tight crouch, steps forward with fire on his heel, and throws a fiery punch. He rises.

Azula shakes her head. “You aren’t supposed to add any fire to the first step. All that does is singe the grass.” She lowers into the same stance and demonstrates. “The fire kick comes after the punch, Avatar.”

He nods. “Zuko taught me another one. I haven’t quite gotten it down but you can add a spin to the kick.” He ignites his fire once more and lowers himself nearly to the floor, for aid he adds a little air to his spin.

Azula shakes her head. “I prefer less rolling around in the dirt.”

“Have you ever tried that move?”

She thinks. “I suppose that I have in a way. I’ve done it but from above. I’ve also done this.” She seems to hesitate for a moment before bringing fire back to her foot and kicking an elegant half circle. Aang smiles, even if she isn’t as speedy, she seems to have more power behind her fire.

“Can you show me the one from above?”

“I can hardly manage that half circle and you expect me to just start kicking fire at you from the air?”

He rubs the back of his head. “Well, kind of.”

He can swear that hurt flickers across her face for a moment, “I...do you know how much that place has taken out of me?”

“I know that you’re...rusty. But I also know that you know how to do it still. Maybe you just have to…” he tries to think of a nice way to tell her to say it, “let yourself fall and misstep a few times.”

“I’ve never fallen. Not since I first learned these moves.”

“That’s not true, you fell off of the drill that one time. It was a pretty steep drop too.”

“I landed on my feet.”

“Then do it again.”

When she makes no move to try he sighs. “Zuko also taught me to breathe fire. Of course breathing is…”

“Crucial to firebending.” Azula interrupts. “I’ve lost strength, not intelligence.”

Aang laughs, at least that sounded like the Azula he has always known. “Then you tell me how to breath fire. Since you know so much about breathing.”

“If I didn’t know much about breathing, I would be dead.”

“You’re the professional breather so…”

“No. You are the ‘professional breather’. Isn’t that what air is for, breathing?”

“Most airbenders can’t breathe fire, Azula.” He pauses. “Anyways Zuko taught me that you have to roar like a tigerdillo and…” He throws his head back and gives a rather weak roar. The fire that works out of his mouth isn’t a spetecal by any means. “I’m still working on it.”

.oOo.

“The roar or the firebending aspect?” Azula folds her arms and quirks a brow. She must admit that she is faintly humored.

“You can do it better?”

Perhaps once upon a time she could have. Perhaps if she were crazed and chained to a grate with a comet on the horizon, she could. She could probably push it through her nostrils too. “Probably not, Avatar.” But she can certainly roar in frustration, not that it would become her.

“You said that you wanted to firebend so maybe, try firebending.”

“I said that I wanted to firebend, I didn’t say that it would actually happen.” She mumbles.

Aang rapidly punches several fireballs, they are rather impressive in size. He sweeps his hand up in an arc of flame and the down again. “Am I doing it right?”

“Your stance was a little tight at the end. You want a sturdy one for the punches but for a sweeping arc, you’ll want to be more fluid. It is also better to think of them as one motion instead of two separate stances.”

He gives it a second try but it is still too segmented. She shakes her head, “like this.” She closes her eyes and inhales. She doesn’t open her eyes until the kata has been worked through.

“That was incredible, if only you had your eyes open.”

“It was a basic move, avatar.”

“Then move onto the harder ones. You know that you can do the easier ones.” He pauses. “Alright well I have another basic stance.”

As it were, he has several. And he botches most of them. Perhaps that is an overstatement. He works through them decently enough but either misses a critical component or two or does the steps out of order. She takes him through them all, with a demonstration of exactly the right way to do it. Until he grows bored of the basics and brings up fire breathing again. “how do I get a powerful fire breath.”

She sighs, “you’re rather fixated on that aren’t you?”

“It looks powerful and intimidating.”

“If you’re going to breathe fire, being powerful best not just be a look.” She pauses. “First of all, dramatically throwing your head back doesn’t really do anything. It’s better if the airway is open as fully as it can be. Inhale and breathe out, several times if you have to.” She closes her eyes again. “You can feel it…”

“The fire?”

She nods. “In your belly. If you know it well you can feel it rise and retract with every breath. So when you inhale and it flares up, focus on that. Bring your chi to it and shove it out in one exhale. Forget about roaring, it probably hinders the breathing aspect. It’s melodramatic anyways.”

.oOo.

He gives it another try to the same effect as his first attempt. Only a soft puff of fire that vanishes as soon as it meets the air.

“For an airbender, you aren’t very good at breathing.”

“My breathing isn’t the problem I can’t--”

“Feel the fire?” She asks. “Yes. I can’t either…”

He gives a little hum. “Have you tried meditating?”

“What?”

“I think that you’re thinking about it too much. You used to just do it. Have you tried just sitting down and focusing on feeling your fire chakra for a little while. No bending, just breathing and feeling.”

Azula’s brows crinkle.

“I mean, think about it. When you were correcting all of my stances you didn’t put much thought into your demonstrations and, aside from not being blue, it looked like your firebending always has.” He pauses. “And that’s because you weren’t thinking about it, you just did it.”

“Avatar…”

“You asked me to train you when you should be training me. You know what you’re doing. You just don’t seem to know that you know.”

She opens her mouth. But he can’t give her the chance to say otherwise. Not when she was doing so well.

“Firebending comes naturally to you when you aren’t telling yourself that it doesn’t.” He continues. “So sit down and just focus on your fire and your chi.”

.oOo.

“Is this a comfortable spot?”

They haven’t strayed too far from the clearing, just far enough that the rush of the river is no longer a distraction with its persistent burbling. It is nice enough, the spot that they have come to. There is a break in the trees so that sunlight drops a kiss on her skin and it smells rather kind. Mostly of jasmine and jungle fern. “I’d like a fire.”

“Then make one.”

“Get me something to burn.”

Aang sighs but he wanders off and comes back with an armful of wood. She sets it ablaze and listens to the crackle of the fire for a long minute. “Now what?”

“Now you sit or lay in a comfortable position, close your eyes and get in touch with your chi and chakras.” His eyes seem to light up. “I think that I have an idea! I met this Guru and he taught me how to really get my chakras in balance. But you’re going to have to be willing to trust me and then do some introspection--”

“I didn’t ask for therapy!” She snaps.

He lifts his hands. “Okay, we’ll skip the introspection for now.” She makes a mental note of ‘for now’. “Right now we can just do some simple meditation. Are you comfy.”

“As comfortable as a jungle floor can be.”

“Great. So close your eyes.” He waits for her to do so. “And just breathe. Don’t even think about your fire or your chipoints yet. Just breathe.”

It is strange to focus entirely on her breathing and she finds herself listening more to the crackle of the fire than to her own inhales.

“You’re still very tense, can I uh…” he clears his throat. “Can I give you a little massage?” His face better be burning hotter than hers. “Just on the shoulders.”

She clears her own throat, “fine, Avatar.”  He seems to hover his hands over her shoulders before actually bringing them down. His touch is rather nice, she supposes, he works to rub the knots out of her shoulders and neck. She knew that her muscles were taut, but not that strained.  He withdraws after some time, “better?”

Azula nods.

“Okay then, just breath again.” He lets several minutes go by before quietly saying, “now try to feel your inner fire rising with your inhales, like you told me to do. If it helps, listen to the physical fire.”

“That’s what it is there for.”

He laughs, “I guess that, that makes sense. Good thinking.”

“Naturally.”

She cracks an eye open and catches his goofy grin. She almost asks him why he is so thrilled when he says, “hey, no peeking.” And it comes to her that she has finally spoken well of herself...and quite boldly.

She feels his hands on her shoulders again. She thinks to push him away but it is rather comforting. Very comforting, whether she wants to admit it or not. Briefly she basks in the fleeing stiffness.

And then she lets the world around her slip away. Slip until there is nothing but a crackling and snapping, a heat on her skin, and a steady and slow inhale and exhale. And she does, she does feel it. As sure as she feels the external fire, she feels her own. It swells in her belly with each inhale. Swells with a life, an itching to escape.

She inhales again and it breathes too. She exhales and lets it blaze along and over her chipoints.

She inhales and exhales until even the external fire fades out. And there is only her. She and her fire--small but growing. Small but searingly bright.

[the-hoarse-bard]

Esbern and Delphine were clearly pleased to see each other again, but kept the greetings short, being ever the professionals. Delphine took us into her hidden chamber, and got right down to business, asking Esbern what he knew about the dragons returning. She was initially crestfallen to hear that all he knew was that the Blades of old had foresaw the dragons return, as well as a dragonborn coming to put them back into the grave. However, Delphine perked up when he produced a book and said that he did know where to find more information, along with a cache of proper dragon slaying weapons.

Esbern placed the book on the table and opened it up to a map of Skyrim, pointing to a spot in the Reach that was labelled with Akaviri characters. “Here,” he specified, “is where the ancient predecessors of the Blades wrote of their victory in the ancient dragon war. We must find a way inside if we are ever going to stand a chance against the dragons.” We quickly made ready for the trip, agreeing to travel separately so as to throw off any potential pursuit.

After another detour in Whiterun to restock my powders, I made immediately for the Reach. As I was riding over the mountains bordering Whiterun hold from the Reach, I caught sight of that black dragon again, raising yet another of his kin from the grave. I caught his gaze, and he flew off, laughing at me. I spurred Shadowmere onward, hoping to be gone before the dragon could finish it’s resurrection.

Unfortunately, in my haste, I failed to notice another dragon circling over the valley Esbern, Delphine, and I were to meet in. I noticed a nearby encampment of Forsworn and made for them quickly, they’d at least make a good distraction. All of them stood in disbelief at seeing a dragon, barely noticing me until I walked right up to their local briarheart and gave him a slap across the face. He shouted at me, but now that I had his attention, I roared at him, “You shut your mouth, you glorified nudist! Make your men ready for battle, the dragons are on your doorstep, you’re real Reachmen, now act like it and defend your home before it’s turned into an ashen ruin!” He was stunned at first, but then a fireball whizzed down from the dragons maw and crashed into one of their tents, and he turned and shouted for his men to prepare themselves for battle.

I drew my bow along with the other archers and we hailed arrows into the beast, and the Reachmen’s hagraven launched icicles at it’s head from behind us. The dragon swooped down and launched a shout I didn’t recognize at the hagraven, and she retreated, attempting more spells, but all of them failing. I yelled at the others to keep up the assault, raining more and more volleys into the dragons body. It was forced to land for rest at the edge of the camp, and the warriors charged in, screaming and hacking away at the dragons scales. It snapped a pair of them in its maw, and whipped another with its tail as it took off again, dropping the pair in its maw in the water as it rose into the air again.

Then, just as things were looking grim as a fireball was headed for us archers, the hagraven came back, quickly weaving a ward to protect us from the flames, and a lightning bolt from seemingly nowhere struck the dragon in the chest, causing it to plummet down at the top of the hill. It was Esbern and Delphine, finally arriving at the eleventh hour. Delphine unsheathed her bow and joined the archers in firing blindly at the spot the dragon had crashed. I drew Dawnbreaker and shouted for the remaining warriors to follow me, and we charged up the hill, to the dragon grave.

As we crested the hill, another fireball was hurled over our heads, confirming that the beast was still alive. I called the archers up to the better vantage point, and the rest of us charged in, the briarheart and I leading the charge. Reachmen piled onto the dragon, hacking away with their serrated blades, carving chunks out of its flesh. I saw an opportunity and drove Dawnbreaker into the bastards forehead, and it went still. It took the Forsworn a second to notice it was dead, but they then piled off and began to celebrate. I took my place before the corpse and inhaled deeply as I absorbed its soul, guaranteeing this time it would stay dead.

the brairheart offered a handshake, and I hesitated to shake the hand of a basically undead nudist, but accepted in the end. Esbern and Delphine came forward and we explained that we had come to this valley seeking an ancient stronghold of dragon slayers. The briarheart thought for a moment, and then pointed over toward a large stone entrance into the mountain on the oppsite side of the valley, saying, “I don’t know if it’s what you’re looking for, but there’s a lot of strange stonework over in there.” We thanked him both for the directions as well as for his help with the dragon, and we headed off amicably.

It wasn’t far into the cave before we came upon the structures the briarheart had described. Esbern confirmed that the work was of Akaviri origin, and pointed out a trio of small pillars similar to those found in the Nordic barrows, but with different symbols. On Esbern’s advice, we rotated the symbols to the one denoting the dragonborn, and a stone bridge dropped down, allowing us access to the rest of the ruin.

The next room was tiled in the same symbols as the pillars. Esbern was initially puzzled, but then I mentioned having seen such tiles attached to fire traps in the barrows, and pointed out a hole on the opposing side of the room, saying the fire would probably come from there. We stood back and I tossed a stone onto one of the panels not marked with the symbol the pillars required, and sure enough a fireball launched from the hole, exploding on hitting the wall. I followed the path of dragonborn symbols around the room until reaching the other end, where I found a lever that deactivated the trap and we continued.

In the final room, there was a large door shaped like a head, and a stone seal on the floor. Esbern piped up, “I’ve read of these. Ancient Akaviri blood seals. They only open on contact with the proper blood, and considering the theme so far, I’d assume your blood, dragonborn.” I nodded, knelt on the seal, and slashed across my hand with a dagger, letting the blood dribble onto the seal. As expected, the stone head sank into the floor, allowing us to enter the temple proper at last. Esbern and Delphine stood back, saying that I should have the honor of entering first.

As we entered, we came upon a magnificent sight. A grand stone mural of the dragon war. “Incredible!” Esbern shouted, “Alduin’s wall, it’s real!” He ran up to the wall and began examining it in detail, “The left of the wall depicts the Akaviri aiding the ancient Nords in the dragon war. And here, in the middle, this is Tiber Septim, the first dragonborn, shouting the great dragon Alduin out of the world itself! This is incredible!” Delphine interrupted the rant, “So what does all of this even mean for us and fighting the dragons?” Esbern chuckled, “Don’t you see? To beat the dragons, we need a particular shout. One that can rend the very soul of a dragon. I have no idea where we’d find such a thing, though.” Then I spoke up, “I could ask the Greybeards. Maybe they know where we could find this powerful shout.” Delphine somewhat reluctantly agreed. I would go to ask the Greybeards if they knew of such a shout, but first I decided to poke around for some proper dragon slaying weapons.

My search eventually yielded a very particular Akaviri katana. It had dragon language inscribed on the blade, which, to my surprise, I could read. The words on it were “death”, “finality”, and “limitation”. Words that are not in any dragons vocabulary, words that would rend their flesh. I sheathed the sword and said goodbye to Esbern and Delphine, who had resolved to stay here and restore the temple, and set off for High Hrothgar once again.

[aphrodites-law]

My Favorite

Trope: Soulmate marks.

Twist: Lexa doesn’t have one. Clarke does.

4/? - (Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3)

~

Lexa's first week of teaching was as much a learning curve for her as it was for her students. Starting middle school was a big step, and the nerves of some kids were especially noticeable. Lexa managed quite quickly to spot who the quiet ones were and who would give her trouble, and other than a few hiccups, everything had gone according to plan. Teaching the same subject multiple times a day wouldn't always be the most rewarding thing, but she was excited about the highs and the lows ahead.

Friday came quickly. By the time Lexa made it back to her apartment around 4pm, she had already questioned what she should wear a dozen times. She'd even texted Anya, but her friend had been no help, suggesting she forgo clothes entirely. She opted for slim black pants and a blouse in the end, left her hair loose and bought a bottle of wine on the way. Clarke hadn’t given her any hint as to what they would do, or if it was even a date at all, but wine always seemed appropriate.  

When she got to Griffin Hotel, Lexa walked into the foyer and saw Jake reading a magazine behind the counter.

"Hi, Jake."

He looked up and set his magazine aside. "Ah, I figured."

"Pardon?"

"She'll be right down."

Jake tapped the call bell twice and then looked toward the stairs. Lexa noticed a few decorations and strings of lights in boxes on the desk.

"Are you having an event?" She asked.

"Good friends of the family getting married soon," Jake nodded, looking quite proud. "We're throwing a casual get-together in the garden tomorrow."

Footsteps coming down the stairs made Lexa turn her head. She saw Clarke come her way and felt her heart speed up.

Hi, Clarke mouthed.

Lexa felt like a teenager all over again, as if they were on their way to prom rather than on a first… whatever this was. Clarke was wearing a pale yellow dress with a jean jacket over it, and a purse slung over her shoulder.  

"Hi. I… got this. Don't know if it's any good honestly," Lexa said while extending the wine.

Clarke smiled sweetly and signed thank you, which Lexa was thrilled to understand. She'd done her best to keep studying daily since their last encounter, picking up on very basic etiquette thanks to hours of YouTube videos. Clarke turned to her father and set the wine on the counter, signing something that made him shrug.  

"No guarantees any will be left, kiddo."

Clarke rolled her eyes before taking Lexa's arm to make their way outside. Lexa had already noticed with Raven that people didn't sign back to Clarke, instead answering her vocally. Maybe it was just the way Clarke preferred interacting, though Lexa still intended to practice as much as possible. She was a long way from a conversation, and the night ahead would surely present some challenges in terms of communication, but Lexa didn't have a worry in the world about it. Clarke had not let go of her arm since they walked out of the hotel, which meant that, as far as Lexa was concerned, the night was already perfect.

"I'm into the mystery," she said after a while, "but is there any way you'd disclose a general location of where we're going?"

Clarke shook her head with the ghost of a smile on her face.

"Is it a restaurant?"

Clarke squeezed her arm, which Lexa guessed meant- "Am I lukewarm?"

Clarke seemed determined to keep her expression in check.

"A movie?"

At that, Clarke wrinkled her nose.

"Yeah, I'm not really a fan either on first d-" Lexa bit her lip. "Hard to get to know someone that way."

They walked past a small park, where street lamps illuminated the sidewalk lined with trees. With the end of summer was coming the fall of leaves, leaving the ground covered. Lexa had never been around this part of the city before, but she was looking forward to the changing season taking over the city.

“So you were out of town?” she asked Clarke.

Clarke stopped walking and suddenly motioned for Lexa’s phone.

“Oh, sure.” Lexa watched Clarke take her phone and then type something dizzyingly fast. She gave it back to Lexa before grabbing her own and repeating the process. Lexa felt her phone vibrate. She looked down and found a text:

Clarke 🙊

Sorry, it’ll be faster like this than the notepad.

Lexa nodded. “Of course. Whatever you prefer. You can sign too; helps me rewire my brain.”

They started walking down the sidewalk again. Another message appeared: 

I’m an art therapist. Sometimes I go over to Arkadia to my mom’s rehabilitation center.

“That’s amazing,” Lexa said. “What kind of art?”

Clarke signed slowly, which Lexa picked up on thanks to the context. She'd found that context was key in understanding most phrases, as there were sometimes fewer nuances in vocabulary than spoken language. She understood ‘painting’, ‘drawing’, and ‘sculpting’, though the rest seemed to be a lost cause no matter how slow Clarke signed it.

“Oh, I know, you set bowling balls on fire,” Lexa guessed.

Clarke laughed, then texted again: HOW did you get that?

“You don't have to deny it; that was a very obvious fireball sign, Clarke."

Clarke shook her head with amusement, eyes watering a bit. Lexa couldn’t stop smiling. "Your secret's safe with me."

Slowly, they made their way toward a more active part of the city, where the nightlife seemed to come alive. There were packed bars and restaurants, people coming in and out of movie theaters, and large groups chatting on sidewalks. They took a turn on a narrower street, where Clarke stopped by a heavy door and pounded her fist against it. The door was so thick that it barely made any noise at all. What kind of place could be tucked away and looking like the entrance to an abandoned warehouse?

They waited just a moment before a tall man with a shaved head opened the door.

“Hey, Clarke. Long time no see!”

They hugged before the man stepped aside to let them in. Once inside, it was like they had entered a bubble. Singing and music could be heard from the room over.

Lexa extended her hand to the man. “Hi. I'm Lexa.”

“Lincoln,” he answered with a firm grip. “You teach at Polis MH, right?”

Lexa glanced at Clarke. “Yes, how do you-“

“Oh I think you’ll find it’s a pretty small city. My wife is a substitute there. Come on in!”

Once past the narrow corridor, they were led into a room that looked like an underground bar. Lexa had never seen a place like it. It seemed like a speakeasy that had stood the test of time, now refurbished but still with a distinctive look that gave it an old-fashioned appeal. Where Raven's coffee shop was all geared toward science and the future, this bar was firmly rooted in the past. Most of the patrons were gathered by a makeshift stage, where a woman with a smoky voice sang indie tunes backed by her band.

Clarke looked at Lexa intently, eager for her reaction.

"Wow. I would’ve never found this place in a million years."

Clarke took her arm with a grin, leading her to the bar. The bartender, a short and robust woman with cropped hair, immediately signed at her. Clarke made a two sign before turning to Lexa, who had no clue what had just been ordered but reached for her wallet regardless.

"I'll take hers," she started to offer, but felt a hand cover her wrist. Clarke shook her head at her.

"I asked you out, it's only fair."

Clarke pointed to the ceiling.

"I know you chose the place but that won't change my mind."

Clarke huffed. Lexa looked around and then brightened when she saw an empty pool table in the back.

“Do you play?” She asked.

Clarke shrugged. Lexa took Clarke's hand and led her to the table.

“Alright, how about this...” Lexa trailed off, overly confident in her pool skills. “Whoever wins a game of eight-ball gets to cover the tab.”

Clarke arched a brow and mouthed Deal. She grabbed a cue stick and took the rack off the table, then leaned down with her cue in place. Her tongue peeked out just a hint as she focused and then took a powerful shot, knocking three balls in the pockets.

Oohs erupted around them as Lexa’s mouth fell open. Clarke stood up and stared straight at her from across the table, pretending to blow on the cue like it was a smoking gun before she actually winked.

“Fuck me.”

~

The night went by quickly, so quickly that when Lexa saw that it was well after midnight, her heart clenched in disappointment. They'd played a few more games of pool, all of which Lexa had badly lost, and then went on to try some of the cocktails on the list. They'd listened to the songs - where Lexa had fought against the urge to invite Clarke to dance, thinking maybe it was too soon - tried a game of darts, and then eventually had left to get some fresh air.

In the most casual way, Clarke had slipped her hand in Lexa's while they walked down the longest street in the city. It was thrumming with life and excitement; neon colors in places and soft glows in others. Clarke pointed things out that Lexa missed, like the murals on the sides of buildings or the food trucks she liked. Lexa bought two gelatos while Clarke quickly chatted with friends they'd bumped into, smiling cheekily when Clarke narrowed her eyes at her.  

"We said cover the bar tab, not cover the entire night…" she'd justified.  

When they made it back to the front of the hotel, Lexa couldn't believe their night was already over. Clarke let go of her hand and leaned against a part of the brick wall. Lexa took a deep breath.

"Tonight was incredible," she said softly. "Thank you for showing me around. And crushing me at pool - it was a needed wake-up call."

Clarke grinned. Lexa didn't want to see things that perhaps weren’t there, but Clarke… looked at her in a way that made it hard to ignore the flutter in her chest. Trying to stall, she glanced toward the door and noticed a wooden sign propped up by it, with Echo & Bellamy carved in it.

"Echo and Bellamy… are they the ones who took six years to date?"

Clarke nodded. She seemed to get an idea then and typed a message:

You should come to the party we’re throwing them tomorrow. Starts at 5pm; it'll be fun.

Lexa felt mild panic, thinking maybe Clarke felt the need to invite her because she'd brought it up.

"Oh, I wouldn't- I'm sure it's friends and relatives only…"

Clarke bit her lip, perhaps just as aware this was moving fast. Inviting someone to friends' engagement party wasn't without its own implications. She signed something slowly, which Lexa guessed the meaning of.

"I'll think about it," she agreed.

Clarke seemed relieved. Her eyes flickered down to Lexa's lips before she caught herself and quickly signed something, easy enough for Lexa to understand.

"Goodnight, Clarke," she answered before watching her go.

~

In the end, there was very little to think about. Lexa had slept the best she'd had in weeks, on cloud nine after her night with Clarke. She couldn’t explain why she felt such a need to see her again, like time was wasted without her.  She had picked out her best summer dress and stopped second-guessing herself. 

On her way to the hotel, she picked out flowers, figuring that if it was clearly too much, she could always play them off as a last-minute gift to the bride-to-be. She walked inside and stopped by the desk, but the foyer was empty. Lexa figured she should text Clarke first.

She’d pulled up their conversation when she glanced at the desk and did a sudden double-take. 

A photo of Clarke tucked between the computer and a stack of papers caught her eye. She was wearing a graduation gown and standing next to her father with a wide smile. But the sleeve of her gown was pulled down, showing off an unmistakable mark. 

Lexa’s heart sank in her stomach. 

It was minuscule, just four words from what she could see, but so faded they were illegible. Anyone would miss them at a glance, but wrist tattoos were illegal for the Markless, and as such Lexa knew it couldn't be anything else.

Clarke had a soulmate. 

It was all it took to crush Lexa’s hopes. She looked away from the photo and tried to calm her breathing. But why was she so surprised? Of course Clarke would have a mark. Of course she was destined to happiness that someone like Lexa wouldn't be able to provide.

Lexa had thought that settling wouldn’t be as bad as they said if it was with someone like Clarke. She was creative, kind, confident and unbelievably patient - and they'd made each other laugh. What else did anyone need in a partner? Lexa had thought she’d felt a connection, but the ending was always the same: dreams turned into dust. There it was - the mark that made it clear she would just be a layover again. That Clarke would entertain her until she met her soulmate and Lexa became an obstacle to walk around.

But Lexa couldn't go through that pain again. This time she knew it would be too much to bear if she allowed Clarke to hold her heart in her hands. She couldn't do it. Wishing for the best when the best didn't happen to people like her… was self-destruction.

Clarke would get over it. She was with her friends, she'd be fine. Maybe tonight she'd even bump into someone else and they'd utter the words that would change everything for her.

Feeling herself tremble, Lexa set the flowers on the front desk before she darted outside. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and wiped a quick hand over her watery eyes. These feelings that had grown - she would nip them in the bud, and swiftly.

~

At the peak of the celebration, while families and friends were still enjoying the food and drinks, Clarke found herself wandering between the garden and the front of the hotel. She looked down at her watch and then around again, disappointed that there was still no sign of Lexa.

She found a discarded bouquet of flowers at the front desk and picked it up to put it in water, wondering who could've gotten such nice flowers only to forget them. Later, in the garden, she sat on one of the benches and watched Echo and Bellamy slow-dancing, clearly not bothered by Echo's round belly between them. Clarke's smile slowly fell as she noticed just how many pairs had gotten up to dance as well. She ran her hands down her dress and looked toward the cobbled path, sighing when no one appeared.

Perhaps something had come up at the last minute. Or she'd been too hasty. She looked down at her mark and rubbed her finger over it, frowning when she noticed something.

She lifted her wrist up closer, thinking it was a trick of light, but there was no mistaking it: her mark had faded more.

-

Part 5

[vulpinmusings]

Letters from Buxcord #10 - Meis M’Cral

Private Secure Message for: Empress Stellanyx of the Shadow in Repair.

Sender: Ash the Pragmagic, Meis Thamule emeritus

Identity locks in place.

Noctus,

I’m not sure if the news has reached you from Taryn, but I’ve likely been reported as missing for the last couple standard months.  A mishap with an experimental spell sent me into a previously unknown universe, one most likely not part of the Tau’rin Chain.  Because of that and the fundamental differences in how magic operates here, I’ve made very little progress in developing a means to return.  If you’re reading this, rather than hearing the tale from me personally or as part of a more complete story, it means that my recent turn of luck has been even better than I originally thought and that I’ve actually established an interdimensional communication link using N’Cral’s ship.

Now, before I satisfy the intense curiosity that last sentence gave you, I invite you to read the letters I’ve attached to this message, and I ask that you send those along to Taryn, care of Samantha Smith or the Order-naries, once you’ve finished.

So, Meis N’Cral.  Last seen as the light cruiser he was commanding lost its engines and tumbled into a block hole, presumably to his well-deserved death.  A reasonable assumption, until that cruiser crash-landed in the Buxcord bayou a couple night past.  The impact woke up the whole town, but due to local wariness and a lack of any signs of immediate trouble, nobody went out to investigate besides one of my new friends, Lea.  She used her Faerie powers to fly out to take a look and, lacking the appropriate context, could only identify the craft as an alien spaceship whose crew appeared to have survived and was busy putting out fires.  I decided it was something we could safely put off until the morning.

All in all, I wasn’t exactly wrong.

When Lea, Piper, and I arrived at the Bayou Boating docks the next morning, we saw the company’s manager, Fitz, walking away in an unresponsive daze.  Mr. Penn, an ally of increasingly dubious quality, emerged from the shop next and said Fitz was just in a bad mood.  Piper found that story strange, but we didn’t press the issue and just readied a boat.

I’m not ashamed to admit I almost had a heart attack when the crashed ship came into clear view.  After all, it’s not everyday you come across something that should have been compressed to an impossibly dense point squatting in a swamp in a completely different universe and looking not that much worse for wear.  I quickly ordered Piper to get us somewhere hidden, and once she did so I gave the group an abridged rundown of my personal history and the threat N’Cral represents.

(For the benefit anyone on Taryn who doesn’t already know the story, I used to be a top general of the Shadowstar Empire, alongside N’Cral and four others.  I fled after developing a conscience, remade myself as Ash the Pragmagic, and eventually went back to help take down the Shadowstar.  N’Cral was an incredibly powerful and sadistic psionic, specializing in mind control and telekinesis.)

The circumstances weren’t ideal; my magic doesn’t work as well in this universe, Lea is still learning to control her abilities, and Penn is a bit of a wildcard.  However we are the only real active defense Buxcord has against the supernatural, and N’Cral couldn’t be allowed to establish a foothold.

Wary of being surrounded or cornered inside the ship, I told the other three to remain hidden and wait for a chance to ambush N’Cral while I called him out and held his attention.

Of course, the squid-man didn’t come out right away when I announced myself, and the three crystalmask ship-crews who did emerge came out firing.  It took an unfortunately weak fireball and some surreptitious nature-control from Lea to remind them of who I am and convince one of them to bring the Meis out.

In the name of buying my allies time to get into position, I engaged N’cral in conversation, even  making a vain attempt to convince him to call a truce on me so we could try to return home together.  My reasoning there was if his ship had passed through the void between universes in one direction, we could figure out how to reverse the course without relying on the sacrificial requirements of the only functional portal spell I’ve been made aware of.

N’Cral threw a fallen tree at me, and with my handicaps I couldn’t maintain a barrier and fight back at the same time, putting me at a severe disadvantage.  To make matters worse, crystalmasks kept pouring out of the ship to throw themselves in front of my spells, so I couldn’t land a solid hit on N’Cral himself.

Skvetchte mindless loyalty…

Still, my distraction tactics were working, as Penn was able to swim under the water right up to our position without N’cral noticing him, although Penn’s attempt to grab N’Cral with his razor whip was foiled by the noise the movement made.  N’Cral paused in pounding me with trees to levitate Penn out of the water, and he became very confused at what he felt in Penn’s mind.  That hesitation cost him, as Penn teleported out of the telekinetic grip and tackled N’cral into the water, where Lea sicced some alligators on him.  A bite to the neck and another to the back of the skull finally put an end to the Meis of Psionics.  The crystalmasks scattered, but I doubt they’ll get far before the wildlife compromises their suits or their methane reserves run out.  At worst, they’ll just spawn some new cryptid stories in the town.

Lea used her powers to fix up my wounds, far more effectively than either of us thought possible for her, and then we hauled N’Cral’s corpse out of the water and took it back to Buxcord.

“Why bother?” you must be wondering.  The answer is this: to make a portal back to Taryn, I require material that originates from our universe, something that will be consumed by the spell.  We took the corpse to Madam Weaver so I could ask her for more details on the spell.  Unfortunately, she told me I still needed more components: fairy dust (which shouldn’t be too hard to get, since I know how to get to the local Faerie realm) and a physical manifestation of magic (whatever that means). So, I’m not getting home yet, but the goal is in sight at least.

I’ve also laid claim to N’Cral’s ship, for what it’s worth.  I’ll need to set up a teleportation way-point so I can access it without needing to rent a boat each time, probably some defense to keep curious types at a polite distance, and see if I can actually achieve the pipe dream of using the computer to establish contact with the Empire and actually send you this message.

I also need to have one last, serious talk with Mr. Penn about what he really is and who he works for.  If there’s a chance I can guide him away from the darkness, you know how hard I’ll work to make it so.

It’s my way.

Again, Noctus, I’d appreciate it you could forward this information to my friends on Taryn.  Let them know I’m alive and working to get home, and I apologize I can’t supply them with the data needed for them to find me from your side of the void.  At least not yet.

-Ash

[tim-el-e]

Tucker’s kobolds

This month’s editorial is about Tucker’s kobolds. We get letters on occasion asking for advice on creating high-level AD&D® game adventures, and Tucker’s kobolds seem to fit the bill.

 Many high-level characters have little to do because they’re not challenged. They yawn at tarrasques and must be forcibly kept awake when a lich appears. The DMs involved don’t know what to do, so they stop dealing with the problem and the characters go into Character Limbo. Getting to high level is hard, but doing anything once you get there is worse.

 One of the key problems in adventure design lies in creating opponents who can challenge powerful characters. Singular monsters like tarrasques and liches are easy to gang up on; the party can concentrate its firepower on the target until the target falls down dead and wiggles its little feet in the air.

 Designing monsters more powerful than a tarrasque is self-defeating; if the group kills your super-monster, what will you do next, send in its mother? That didn.t work on Beowulf, and it probably won’t work here. Worse yet, singular supermonsters

rarely have to think. They just use their trusty, predictable claw/claw/bite. This shouldn’t be the measure of a campaign. These

games fall apart because there’s no challenge to them, no mental stimulation, no danger.

 In all the games that I’ve seen, the worst, most horrible, most awful beyond-comparison opponents ever seen were often weaker than the characters who fought them. They were simply well-armed and intelligent beings who were played by the

DM to be utterly ruthless and clever.

 Tucker’s kobolds were like that. Tucker ran an incredibly dangerous dungeon in the days I was stationed at Ft. Bragg, N.C. This

dungeon had corridors that changed all of your donkeys into huge flaming demons or dropped the whole party into acid baths, but the demons were wienies compared to the kobolds on Level One. These kobolds were just regular kobolds, with 1-4 hp and all that, but they were mean. When I say they were mean, I mean they were bad, Jim.

 They graduated magna cum laude from the Sauron Institute for the Criminally Vicious. When I joined the gaming group,

some of the PCs had already met Tucker’s kobolds, and they were not eager to repeat the experience. The party leader went over the penciled map of the dungeon and tried to find ways to avoid the little critters, but it was not possible. The group

resigned itself to making a run for it through Level One to get to the elevators, where we could go down to Level Ten and fight “okay” monsters like huge flaming demons. It didn’t work. The kobolds caught us about 60’ into the dungeon and locked the door behind us and barred it. Then they set the corridor on fire, while we were still in it. “NOOOOOO!!!” screamed the party

leader. “It’s THEM! Run!!!” Thus encouraged, our party scrambled down a side passage, only to be ambushed by more kobolds firing with light crossbows through murder holes in the walls and ceilings.

 Kobolds with metal armor and shields flung Molotov cocktails at us from the other sides of huge piles of flaming debris, which other kobolds pushed ahead of their formation using long metal poles like broomsticks. There was no mistake about

it. These kobolds were bad. We turned to our group leader for advice. “AAAAAAGH!!!” he cried, hands clasped over his face to shut out the tactical situation.

 We abandoned most of our carried items and donkeys to speed our flight toward the elevators, but we were cut off by kobold snipers who could split-move and fire, ducking back behind stones and corners after launching steel-tipped bolts and arrows, javelins, hand axes, and more flaming oil bottles. We ran into an unexplored section of Level One, taking damage all the time. It was then we discovered that these kobolds had honeycombed the first level with small tunnels to speed their movements. Kobold commandos were everywhere. All of our hirelings died. Most of our henchmen followed. We were next.

 I recall we had a 12th-level magic user with us, and we asked him to throw a spell or something. “Blast ‘em!” we yelled as we ran. “Fireball ‘em! Get those little @#+$%*&!!” “What, in these narrow corridors?” he yelled back. “You want I should burn us all up instead of them?”

 Our panicked flight suddenly took us to a dead-end corridor, where a giant air shaft dropped straight down into unspeakable darkness, far past Level Ten. Here we hastily pounded spikes into the floors and walls, flung ropes over the ledge, and climbed straight down into that unspeakable darkness, because anything we met down there was sure to be better than those kobolds.

We escaped, met some huge flaming demons on Level Ten, and even managed to kill one after about an hour of combat and the lives of half the group. We felt pretty good, but the group leader could not be cheered up. “We still have to go out the way

we came in,” he said as he gloomily prepared to divide up the treasure.

 Tucker’s kobolds were the worst things we could imagine. They ate all our donkeys and took our treasure and did everything they could to make us miserable, but they had style and brains and tenacity and courage. We respected them and loved them, sort of, because they were never boring.

 If kobolds could do this to a group of PCs from 6th to 12th level, picture what a few orcs and some low level NPCs could do to a 12th-16th level group, or a gang of mid-level NPCs and monsters to groups of up to 20th level. Then give it a try. Sometimes, it’s the little things “used well” that count.

From Dragon Magazine #127

[kreactionsentertainment]

Exo Reaction ~ You Saving Them Pt. 2

Admin Eva: As stated in Part 1, I do not take credit for writing this reaction. A very good friend of mine helped me in a huge way by writing this reaction. I also want to state that this blog does NOT own any of the gifs used unless stated otherwise. Once again this reaction does have a part for Jongdae, however as stated before this is the last romantically inclined reaction that will be on this blog. I will still write sibling requests or just general exo requests, but none will have Jongdae and a romantic interest. Thank you so much for your patience and understanding~! 

Jongdae

Jongdae was intensely focusing on his battle with Chanyeol, if anyone was winning, it was him and not that stupid flamehead. He charged up several lightning bolts and threw them at Chanyeol like spears while he tried dodging all the fireballs being thrown his way. The two hit each other and caused a big explosion, throwing both men miles apart. You sensed something was wrong and immediately went to Jongdae's location. When you saw him, he was lying motionless on the ground, bleeding profusely from what looked like deep cuts and ash? Being a healer, you focused all your energy on sealing up his wounds and helping his body repair itself. You sat back and looked at Jongdae disappointedly after you finished healing him. 

“I know your awake Jongdae.” The said man opened one eye to glance at you before closing it straight away, hoping you didn’t catch that. “You know, I keep telling you that it's not smart to battle Chanyeol when you and him have destructive powers. Now I’m going to have to report to Suho and ah ah don’t say anything, you brought this upon yourself Kim Jongdae.” Despite his whining, he knew what he did was dangerous… he just didn’t want to have to listen to both you and Suho lecturing him at the same time, but for sure he was dragging Chanyeol with him whether he got caught or not.

Chanyeol

As the lightning spears barely scraped by Chanyeol, he added more heat to his flames, causing the fireballs he threw to be a blue color. He wasn’t looking when his flame hit Jongdae’s spear and blew up, sending him into the air along with Jongdae before they both smacked into the ground. Chanyeol called out to you because you would be able to hear his voice no matter how quiet or far away you were. Your body appears as if the wind carried each particle and built you back in front of Chanyeol. You rush down to his body and start inspecting all the burns. With a quick sorry, you pushed your powers into Chanyeol as he bit down on a piece of cloth. 

The winds felt like it was cutting up his body internally, but your powers of wind were fueling his powers of fire, causing his body to regenerate quicker. Like magic, the existing burns from Jongdaes thunder looked like they were being erased in front of your eyes. With one last force, you fell on him and laid there to rest. Chanyeol could hear Jongdae’s girlfriend nagging him about being reckless and here he was just hoping you’d forget this after you wake up so he wouldn’t have to listen to your lecture about “being safe” and “taking precaution”. With a little kiss on the nose, he smiled softly. “Don’t think you're getting away with this, I’m just too tired right now, but you already know Suho’s hearing about this.” And just like that, his smile was gone and he was back to worrying how he’d deal with you and Suho for the nth time.

 Kyungsoo

“Find him! Don’t let him get away!” Kyungsoo had been on the run ever since he stole that guy's wallet, and boy did he regret it. The polished black leather wallet had looked too expensive but expensive was good, expensive meant money and that meant he could eat for the week, a month maybe if he was extremely lucky. Turn out the amount of cash in this wallet would be enough to feed him a whole year, that’s discarding all the cards because a smart person would just suspend it or track him down. Speaking of, he was currently being tracked down right now, but instead of the police sirens, he was hearing gunshots and yelling.

Kyungsoo ran and ran until he couldn’t anymore. He had once prided in his ability to run fast, a thief who couldn't was a dead thief anyways. Today proved him wrong, that the people he outran before were normal people, those who were easy to escape from. Today he was being chased by those who seemed serious in getting this wallet back. He found a hole that looked his size and crawled in. He didn’t expect to see someone already sitting in this small space. The girl in front of him starred unblinkingly as she ate what looked like a small piece of stale bread. “Hi!” You exclaimed at the owlish boy. Kyungsoo backed away in fright only to hit the metal scraps that served as a wall to your home. “Oh.. sorry, umm..” You took in his appearance and grabbed the wallet once you saw it. Opening it up, you saw a familiar face, not that you personally knew the guy, just that he was well known around these streets. “Oh boy! Did you steal this from Mr. Mouse? That's a bad idea you know! He goes bang bang when he’s upset..” Kyungsoo snatched the wallet back from you as he squinted at your speech. “I think that bread you're eating is causing you to go crazy.” He took the piece of bread from you, only to realize it was a dried piece of chicken. He suddenly dropped it out of shock while you scrambled to pick it up again. “That's my dinner! How rude!! No wonder you’ll go bang bang in 13 minutes! 15 if you’re lucky!!”

Kyungsoo was too busy wondering how a piece of chicken could be as dry and crusted like stale bread. He even wondered if it was safe to consume, “wait, 13 minutes? 15? How do you know?” The numbers seemed too accurate unless she was truly crazy... “Mr. Mouse has a clock! 30 minutes or bang! The lizard finishes in 10 minutes but he’s away today. The next fastest is the little deer! He doesn’t like to be called that though~” You giggled at the thought of a mad deer. “And.. the deer finishes in 10 to 15 minutes?…” He wasn’t sure what you meant by Mr. Mouse, the lizard and or the deer, but he assumed they were code names made by your loopy mind. “Bingo!~ Hehe~” You tried taking another bite of the chicken when it was suddenly taken away again. “Hey!!”, “Show me the way out of this city and I’ll buy you better food.”

Kyungsoo soon found out that you were incredibly smart, just that your mind stored information in a very simple way. After he safely got away, he offered you to come with him with the promise of better food and living conditions. You guys would still be on the streets sometimes but it was never as bad as that metal shelter, especially now that you had someone to keep you company, one that didn’t think you were completely insane.

Zitao

Gunshots were being heard throughout the building and Tao didn’t know where to go. He just kept running until you pulled his arm and dragged him in the opposite direction. “Are you crazy? The exits this way!” You whispered as loudly as you could afford to. Working in a bank was definitely boring for you, but that didn’t mean you wanted robbers coming into ‘spice’ up your day. You guess this guy was new as he didn’t have the exit routes memorized yet nor did he seem to understand that you don’t run towards the sound of gunshots. Opening the exit doors to the stairs, you warned him to follow you as quickly and quietly as he could. For some reason, Tao managed to stay pretty quiet, with the occasional scream, but he remembered right after and covered his own mouth to prevent the robbers from finding them.

After what felt like too long, both of you got out and together you ran to the nearest cafe before calling the cops to let them know the updated situation. “Th-thanks” You had forgotten about the guy for a brief moment but waved that it was no big deal. He hadn’t gotten you more in danger and it just seemed right, rather than letting him run around the building like a headless chicken. “Let me buy you a coffee!” Tao quickly went to the counter and order two things he felt would taste good. He tried to calm his racing heart down but he wasn’t sure if it was due to the adrenaline or if it was because of you. That day on, Tao would always stick close to you when he can and you soon found out this guy had a lot of fears. But it was cute, that and afterwards he always bought you something to eat or drink when he got scared.. and when he simply wanted to.

Jongin

You jumped into the ocean after waiting what felt like forever for Jongin to pop up. You guys had gone cliff diving with friends and while you all had done it numerous times, you felt uneasy when Jongin wasn’t surfacing. The others assured you, he was probably just playing a joke, but you thought differently. Jongin wouldn’t scare you like this, this was too long to be a simple joke, so here you were swimming in the warm ocean trying to find your boyfriend. You rose multiple times to take a deep breath before swimming down again. Your friends saw how panicked you looked and jumped down to help you search for Jongin too.

He had jumped down into the warm water and man did it feel great. His friends had already known he would pull a prank at one point. So when he entered the water for the fifth time that hour, he held his breath for as long as he could. A few minutes passed by and he was starting to feel uncomfortable. As he tried to swim back up, he realized his foot was caught in some plastic netting and other plants that floated in the ocean. Jongin did his best to unraveled the webbing around his foot but he was starting to desperately need air. His body started to panic and he wasn’t thinking straight anymore.

You had finally found him and called your friends to come help. Everyone took a deep breath and swam down to where Jongin was. You carefully cut away the plastic and saw that it was stuck to heavy rocks, no wonder he wasn’t able to getaway. Once Jongin was free, the guys swam back up as you and the girls followed along, making sure there was nothing to get caught on around them. Back on land, you immediately performed CPR and prayed that Jongin was okay. A few seconds later he was bending over to cough up the water in his lungs. His chest and sinus stung like crazy as he was gasping for the much need air. Jongin pulled you into a tight hug once he felt a little better. He told you how thankful he was over and over, promising to never pull a prank like that again.

Sehun

Sehun had his breath knocked out of him as you tackled him to the ground. “Idiot!” You yelled at him as bullets continued to fire his way. He hadn’t realized he was getting shot at, as he was too focused on watching your back. The two of you had been partnered up together on a few missions years ago. Soon after, you both started to go on every single assignment with each other. Little did you know, Sehun had been requesting to work with you, and you did the same for him. How embarrassing it was when your boss yelled out “Finally!!” at a work party. Only then did you guys find out how silly your actions seemed when it would’ve been easier to say it face to face.

Sehun focused his attention on you to find any scratches and luckily there weren’t any. He kissed you deeply, too caught in the moment of feeling how grateful he was that you were okay. You immediately pushed him down in panic, what was he thinking? You both were in an active shooting zone and here he was kissing you? He let out a soft groan as his back hit the concrete floor, maybe he should show you how much he appreciates you once you both were safe at home.

He gave you another peck on the forehead and told you to be safe before he headed off in a new direction. Although he was always extremely grateful to have someone like you watching his back, he needed to remember that they still had a dangerous job to do. Often times you would save his life and he would save yours. Despite that, there was never a moment that either of you took it for granted, as your life was too precious to him and you cherished him.

[bbparker]

Let Me Know Part 2 (Infinity War!Steve Rogers)

Summary: (Y/n) Is pregnant and hasn’t told Steve before the battle for the universe has begun. Will they survive to gain what they always seem to loose? time. 

A/N: Long time coming and YES - THERE WILL BE A PART 3

Warnings: swearing, blood and fighting (ANGSTY)

PART 1 | MASTERLIST

WARNING- NOT EDITED LOL - I WAS TOO EXCITED TO SHOW Y’ALL THIS

We stopped in a field, ahead of us was the triangular ships and the two generals for Thanos’ army. 

It seemed as though everything was sped up yet moving in slow motion for (y/n). She watched as Okoye led her warriors into motion and T’Challa race to the front of the army, throwing out instructions and orders to all different people. Arms suddenly reach for her and (y/n) looked to see Steve trying to help her off the craft. 

In (y/n)’s mind she somehow believed that although she hadn’t told Steve about the baby, he had some unconscious knowledge about it. That and he was a damn gentleman.  Allowing him to help her down, he gently lifts and put her softly on the ground, staring at her for a moment, as if capturing her in his mind once more before getting into solider mode as we heard chanting from various tribes. 

Marching to the front with the gang in tow, (y/n) stood sternly by Steve side as he did hers, facing forward and getting an up close look at the triangular ships with thousands of aliens contained within them.

“We’ll go and confront them.” Steve declared to T’challa. 

“If you’ll come with me? Nat, you too.” He asked, making eye contact with her and completely ignoring her. 

“Ill come too.” (y/n) declared, stepping forward. Steve sighed, knowing she’d do so.

“No, (y/n), I need up here with Bucky incase something happens.” The look and tone he gave her made sure there was no time or need for an argument so she decided to just agree. Though he used it as an excuse, you knew he was going to keep you out of this for as long as he could. Nodding, (y/n) moves back into place. 

She watched them walk down and meet Thanos’ generals and though the conversation was to be short, she knew there’d be no alternative to the battle about to occur. Thanos was adamant about his goal and he didn’t care how he achieved it. 

(Y/n) suddenly saw the blue alien with slight horns raise her arms and the giant ships hulls opened. For a moment, the silence was defending and in that moment (y/n) had known shed made a mistake in not telling Steve. Then her senses all came back; the sound of creatures squealing and screaming invaded her ears. 

Wide eyed, and preparing for battle, namely her gun and making sure her short sword was wrapped and easy to access; (y/n) felt the urge to let somebody know.

“Buck.” She said hurriedly, watching Steve, Nat and T’Challa running back to join the army. 

“Yeah?” He asked prepping and aiming his gun. 

“I’m pregnant and Steve doesn’t know.” His movement halted as he looked at her with wide eyes. 

“I-i, why are you telling me and not him?” He asked hurriedly, grabbing her arm tightly. 

“You need to leave (y/n), you cant be here what if you- what happens-” Bucky was panicking, he couldn’t allow her to die with Steve and her future in her belly. 

“This is why I couldn’t tell him, Buck.” She whispered hurriedly as they neared. 

“I can’t sit back and let the ones I love die. I would never forgive myself.” Bucky released her arm slowly and gave her a worried look as he smiled lightly at Steve as he slowed down to beside her. 

“Plus, it’s got uh… talents because no way am I suddenly developing new powers at this stage.” (Y/n) whispered to Bucky quickly as his eyes managed to get even wider. 

“You alright?” (Y/N) asked, knowing just moments ago he’d admitted was afraid. Grabbing her hand he said one final time, “I love you.” Only to receive her hand squeeze as she looked at him.

“To infinity.” She whispered.

The creatures began getting through as Bucky and (y/n) began shooting. When T’Challa decided to open a shield section she watched as they flooded in. Calmly he moved to the front before yelling, 

“WAKANDA FOREVER!”

(Y/n) yelled her loudest battle cry and set off running alongside friends and family down the hill. The yells of the two armies was deafening but if anything it fuelled something within her. In an instant the Avengers were at the front of the army, pumping their limbs to the max in order to meet the alien army. 

For a minute there was only white noise as they ran. A high pitch ringing went throughout the air and memories of Steve came forth as he and T’Challa ran ahead. (Y/n)’s urge to protect Steve outweighed anything. 

 Suddenly that urge broke through the surface and it all came rushing back as a new kind of adrenaline. (Y/N) knew it was her and Steve’s baby somehow lending her power or at least she had become more powerful in the wake of childbearing and the desire to protect it. 

Her feet hit the ground at a faster rate with the new thoughts. Her heart pumped rapidly and suddenly (y/n) was leaving the army behind. Faster! She urged herself as Steve was only slightly ahead of her. 

As if some prayer had been answered, (y/n) felt the extra kick and pushed herself faster and to the shock of Steve, surpassed him and lit her hands with the white fire she was known for. 

She was going to win this, even if it killed her. Which it just might. 

Steve’s P.O.V

Steve’s blood was pumping, he was ready. Running at the front of the crowd gave in advantage to take out the first line of beasts but from his left side, Steve saw a flash of (y/c/h) fly past him with incredible speed before jumping and lading in the throng of five creatures. He was in both awe and confusion of you, not remembering you to have super speed/agility at least not enough to surpass him in running. 

His thoughts were left well enough alone as he fumed into the middle of a group of aliens. 

(Y/N)’S P.O.V

We were fighting for our lives, our world and our people and yet it seemed it would never end. Duck, punch, fireball, fireblast.

It seemed the energy (y/n) had before was running out and her movements were becoming sluggish. Occasionally she would see a purple blast from T’Challa’s suit but other than that, (y/n) hadn’t seen a single one of her friends.

 A Wakandan man she’d been fighting beside was cut down and as she finished of the ugly-ass alien in front of her, she turned and pulled out her small sword from her back and brought it up and through the aliens chin and out the head.  

Pulling it out and twirling it she forced it behind her into the one attempting to sneak up on her. Immediately in the distance, she sees wheels enter the field, ploughing down everyone, friend and foe. One was set on a path before being broken apart by a red power, also known as Wanda.  

Gasping for breath, some intuition told her to turn around and as she did a beast jumped and kicked her on the side. 

The momentum sent her flying and knocking into another creature. Being on the ground was not an option for (y/n) but as she landed her eyes conveniently landed on Steve, who was taken down by five creatures at once. 

“STEVE!” The creature going for her charged as three other aliens decided they’d join in on taking her down. Her vision was turning red, as Steve failed to re-appear, the creatures still tearing at the spot she had last saw him. 

Internally, she felt the fire within her explode and all surrounding creatures were thrown away from her body as it fully ignited. Her hair began to stand on end as a whole new power entered her body, starting in a run, leaving trails of fire behind her, (y/n) was untouchable. Nothing was getting between her and Steve freakin’ Rogers. 

One creature attacking Steve must have felt the heat approaching as it turned and eyes actually managed to widen at the glowing goddess with rare in her flaming eyes. 

“You’re fucked.” Was all she said before a whirlwind of fire erupted from within her, lifting her slightly from the ground. The fire flew out of her in waves as she threw her hands at each creature. From the group, Steve held back the remaining creature as he watched in awe of (y/n)’s raw power.

Only one was left and instead of her fire she tackled it to the ground and put a fist through its head. It was too easy, she thought. The fire within her was still roaring, now more than ever. 

“(Y/N)? Whats going on?” Steve asked as they went back to back, her fire not affecting Steve. 

“Is it bad timing to tell you i’m pregnant?” Steve moves falter resulting in a punch to the face and a cut above his eyebrow. Not wanting to get killed in this wrongly timed confession, (y/n) created a fireball with two hands and pushed it out from her. Extending it and spinning it around her and Steve quickly to create a wall, (y/n) and Steve were graced with a small portion of time to explain.

(Y/N) didn’t question how she knew how to do it because all she knew it that it was helpful in that moment. Turning to Steve she quickly relayed it once again. 

“Look all I know is I’m pregnant, its a girl by the way, and I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you wouldn’t allow me to come with and I’m sorry for not telling you but there are more things at stake than just this.” Steve stood in stock still, unable to come to terms with it. 

“You… you’re-thats Daisy, sitting right there,” he pointed to her stomach, “in the midst of this a-and the new powers.” (y/n) laughed slightly at his choice in words before she noticed the ring of fire she was creating was getting weaker. They were running out of time. Time, again. 

“Look we don’t have much time but yes and she’s giving me an extra boost in powers, which is very helpful. But she's going to need both of us, so don’t fuckin’ die.” (y/n) grabbed his face for a quick, rough kiss before breaking the fire walls running again into battle. 

Her short summary had both weakened and strengthened Steve’s resolve. 

This wasn’t just him fighting for a cause anymore, it was him fighting for his future. His daughters future. With a new passion within him, Steve’s strength grew as he faced and took down twice as many as before. 

But was it enough?

“We’ve got a Vision situation!” Falcon yelled from above.

“Someone get to Vision!” Steve yelled in reply, giving another blow to the next creature. 

“I’m on it!” Steve heart stopped at (y/n)’s voice and the sound of an explosion. Above him a body of fire went streaming past towards the forest and although he knew she could take of herself, her life was no longer the only one on the line in her situation.

Was it enough?

Was her power boost enough?

The answer; no. 

TAGS (not open)

@saharzek @nerdyandexhausted  @iamwarrenspeace @jahanana  @asexualmarauder @theharrisontomytom  @shippingfangurl  @ironmanlover24 @come-with-me-and-imagine  @alwayshave-faith  @savmontreal @somebody-stuff  @sev7en  @wildefire  @geeksareunique @loki-god-of-my-life @realgreglestrade  @httpmcrvel @esoltis280  @kenzie-cold-greenkale  @ldyhawkeye @fuckthatfeeling @fanderrawr @shaririii

[hoodie-lover]

Testing Part 3

Flowey was humming contently in his room. His mind was racing with possibilities, magical powers. Lasers? Fireballs? Explosions? He was giddy and shaking with anticipation. He also wondered about his sister. He thought about what caused her to be sick, and why he had no memories. Was it his fault? His dad and uncle didn’t seem sad or remorseful, but they weren’t mad either. Was it someone else? Flowey had so many questions.

The light in the room was refreshing, he loved to feel it on his leaves. He felt relaxed and blissful, like the world was slipping away.

“Flowey? Can I come in?” Sans asked, entering before Flowey could answer.

“What is it?” Flowey asked, smiling and Sans chuckled.

The child’s question went unanswered as his pot was picked up and brought out of the room. Flowey asked a few times and got no response.

He was put on the ground and Sans walked away from him.

“I want you to try and summon magic bullets.” Sans said and Flowey was confused. “We’re working on your magic.” He explained and Flowey was ecstatic.

Flowey scrunched up his face and thought really hard about it. And he heard a ping.

“YAY!!" Flowey screamed when he saw a white bullet next to him.

“Now focus on it and throw it at me.” Sans instructed and Flowey turned his head to his father and the bullet sped towards the small skeleton.

Sans sidestepped and let the bullet hit the wall, it disappeared with a pop, like a bubble. Sans smiled at Flowey, who looked more than disappointed at the lack of awesomeness in his attack.

“Don’t be sad. It’s your very first time using magic, I’m not expecting you to be a master right away, we just need to train harder.” Sans said and he readied himself again. “Let’s try this a few more times.” And Flowey smiled as he summoned another bullet.

By the end of the twelve hours Flowey was about to pass out. Sans looked perfect, as if he hadn’t spent twelve hours training a prototype humanity murdering machine. “You did good. But we’re going to be working even harder tomorrow.” Sans said and Flowey gasped.

“But I’m exhausted! How can y-” Flowey began but shut up quickly.

“In this world, it is kill or be killed. We have to train you to keep you healthy and alive. I know this is hard but you need to understand, we’re the only people who will help you.” Sans said, petting Flowey, grabbing his petals as hard as he could, but not ripping them.

“Ok Dad.” Flowey said meekly, wilting in shame.

“Don’t be sad, the more you improve the more incredible things we can do.” Sans said and Flowey beamed.

Sans put Flowey in his room and locked the door. Flowey was so excited! He was doing good, but what his dad had said scared him. Was the world really that bad? Flowey contemplated what his dad had said, he was scared of what his dad and uncle had to face, what could they do to him?

His thoughts wondered to his sister, he didn’t know her name. He was curious as to her personality, was she nice, kind, scary? Flowey was nervous and excited to meet her. He just hoped one day he would, he didn’t know what caused him to lose his memories, but he hoped that his sister would be fine.

Papyrus came in later that day and took him from his room. Papyrus didn’t answer his questions either. When they got to a large room, there were large tubes with glowing hearts in them, the hearts were colorful and bright, he wondered what they were. The golden plant was placed on a table while Papyrus went to the other side of the room.

“Flowey, today we are going to extract the magic from these holders.” Papyrus explained as he got a sharp needle from a drawer.

“Why?” Flowey asked but he was ignored.

“I need you to get a green one and a purple one.” Papyrus said and Flowey was very confused.

“How?” And Papyrus sighed.

“Forgive me Flowey. I am used to Sans helping me with this. Though it seems the accident made you forget how to use your vines.” Papyrus said as he grabbed two large containers.

“My vines…?” Flowey asked.

“They can be used as extra limbs to grab things.” his uncle explained as stuck large tubes in the containers.

Flowey watched with intrigue. After a few moments, Papyrus opened the container and plunged a needle inside the green holder and drained the color out of it. He did the same with the purple one as well. Then he separated a red liquid and a grey liquid from the green and purple stuff.

“Now we just have to mix the red and grey and then we’ll help jumpstart your magical potential.” Papyrus explained and Flowey became excited.

“Really?” Flowey said and Papyrus nodded.

When Papyrus was done mixing the liquids he put it inside a needle and injected it into Flowey.

“Ow...” Flowey said as he shook and wilted as red and grey lines spread over him, occasionally whimpering.

“Please do shut up. My brother and I have gone through much worse.” Papyrus said, petting Flowey as he slightly jerked the thin petals.

Papyrus picked the small plant up and put him in his room, locking the door with a loud click and the flickering of the light in Flowey’s room.

Sans, Papyrus, and Flowey belong to Toby Fox

Next

First

[mst3kproject]

Psychomania

MST3K featured some British movies; they had a couple of zombie movies; and they did way too many biker movies.  So here is a British zombie biker movie, because of course that exists.  I don’t think anybody in it was ever on MST3K except for Rocky Taylor, who was an extra in Gorgo, but director Don Sharp did make a couple of Fu Manchu movies and you know my stance on those.  And if you’re interested, the butler is George Sanders, who sounds familiar because he was the voice of Shere Khan in the original Jungle Book.

The Living Dead are a biker gang I just cannot take seriously, mostly because their helmets look so much like something Kinga’s Boneheads would wear.  Leader Tom is obsessed by the idea of becoming one of the undead.  He’s pretty sure his mother – a psychic who holds seances in her incredibly mod dining room – and her ageless butler know something about it, and tricks them into revealing the secret.  The next day he commits suicide, but he’s back soon after, encouraging his friends to join him in zombiehood.  One by one they off themselves in spectacular fashion, but Tom’s girlfriend Abby wakes up in the hospital instead of the morgue, and realizes this is madness.  How can she take on an entire zombie biker gang all by herself, though?

Spoiler time: she can’t.  Tom’s mom casts a spell that turns them all to stone, Abby has a nervous breakdown, and I guess the butler was the devil the whole time.  It sucks.

Weirdly, I’m one of the few people who seems to think so.  This movie has an eighty percent on Rotten Tomatoes and has been described with words like ‘effective’ and ‘tightly-knit’.  I have no idea what drugs the people who said that were on, because it is definitely neither of those.  As crummy movies go it’s pretty coherent and you do care about Abby, who is the nearest thing to a heroine (although Tom is closer to being a POV character), but the plot is dumb and the zombies are about the least interesting undead I’ve ever seen in a movie.

I’m gonna keep calling the revenant bikers ‘zombies’ but they don’t rot or eat brains, so it’s mostly for lack of a better word.  You’d think being undead would come with both powers and drawbacks, but this seems to involve neither.  They can’t die, and they may or may not have super-strength (I can’t tell), but other than that they’re exactly the same as they were when alive.  Undead bikers walk into churches and wander around in broad daylight with no problem.  They can apparently still eat and drink, although I guess they don’t have to. They’re not even cold to the touch… in fact, when Abby pretends for a while to be a zombie, it turns out even they can’t tell the difference between the living and the undead!

Tom’s mom is delighted to see him back from the dead but when the others start joining him she freaks out, saying it’s evil. I think it was okay when he did it because he had a magic toad amulet to protect him and his friends didn’t, but exactly what the difference is and what it means for them, we’re never told.  If they’ve lost their souls or whatever, we don’t hear about it.  They don’t seem to be any more callous assholes than they were when they were alive. Nor do we learn anything about the locked room where Tom’s father died, even though it sounds like it’s gonna be a big plot point.  There’s a flashback in which Tom’s mother sells him to the devil but that doesn’t seem to relate to anything much.

Based on the setup, I figured Abby would eventually go to Tom’s mother for help and the two of them would defy the satanic butler end the zombies’ reign of terror together, but no.  Instead, the Mom’s getting off her ass to do something about the situation is prompted by Tom’s decision to murder all the police officers and teachers in the country, and it’s the butler who helps her with what she does… which makes no sense after it’s been repeatedly implied that he’s the devil!  The ending we get is one in which Abby’s life is saved by mere coincidence, and it feels like a cop-out.

Toads are a motif of sorts in the movie. There’s the toad amulet Tom carries for protection, and the satanic butler wears a toad ring.  There’s also a toad that Tom catches at the beginning and that the butler seems to keep as a pet until Tom’s mom uses it in her dark ritual at the end, when she turns into a toad as a punishment for breaking her pact with the devil.  It’s obvious that toads are supposed to be connected with evil, but exactly how the symbolism works here is never clear.  I kept wondering if the explanations were cut to fit the time slot… but then I remind myself that this wasn’t actually on MST3K.

I’m equally confused about what we’re supposed to think of the bikers.  The only time we really see them out of their leather jackets and bonehead helmets is when they’re holding their own funeral for Tom – and it’s a pretty hippy-dippy funeral for a bunch of death metal bikers, too.  They all wear bright colours and make flower wreaths to throw into the grave, which doesn’t exactly make them seem like murderous psychopaths. Tom’s the only one who has any prior interest in suicide, and it seems odd that they’d all just hop to killing themselves when they know there’s a chance they won’t have enough ‘faith’ to rise again.  None of them regret it.  I guess why would they, when the difference between ‘alive’ and ‘dead’ is minimal.

Some of the badass bikers go by have nicknames like Hatchet, Gash, and Hinky.  The others use their own names, like Tom, Abby, and Bertram.  Yep, Bertram.

The very concept of zombie bikers is one that seems to call for excess, for wild stunts and body parts strewn across the screen, for dark rituals or people losing arms in accidents and then just stapling them back on.  There is absolutely none of that in Psychomania, and it’s weirdly indecisive about the violence it does show. There’s a scene where Tom begins to strangle a barfly, and the bit where a truck rolls down a hill and explodes in a huge fireball, but actual deaths are kept tastefully offscreen (there is a pretty neat shot in which three murders are hidden by a pan around the room, but it stands out as a ‘neat shot’ rather than a storytelling device) and I don’t think I saw a drop of blood or heard a single swear word in the entire movie. Although there was a scene in which one of the bikers pulls up and parks next to a ‘no parking’ sign.

Almost the entire movie is shot outdoors on sunny days, in bright 60’s technicolour, which has killed the mood of many a horror movie of this vintage.  Tom even emerges from his grave in broad daylight, where any self-respecting undead abomination would surely wait for nightfall!  Also, oddly, it seems to take Tom way longer to resurrect than it did his friends.  They woke up in the morgue, before their autopsies even began, while he had time for a whole funeral.  Is there a reason for this?  I have no idea.

I have to admit, there’s some fairly nice choreography (car-eography?) in some of the scenes where the bikers disrupt traffic. There’s also a pretty cool use of mirrors while Tom explores the locked room, although as I mentioned, that’s rendered ultimately pointless.  The hallucination Abby has after her overdose is okay, too – it presents on the one hand the potential eternity with the man she loves, and on the other the horror she will visit upon her family through her suicide, and it’s quite a bit clearer about that than just about anything else in the movie.

The fact that Abby chooses an overdose as her way to die is telling.  The others all choose far more spectacular methods: motorcycle crashes, leaping out a window or off a bridge, drowning in a river.  These are all events that will definitely kill or maim, things there are no turning back from, while an overdose can be treated with minimal ill effects if it’s caught in time.  This goes with what she tells Tom later – she doesn’t really want to die.  She wants to be saved, and so she is (although who found her and got her to the hospital is another thing we never find out).

I guess this is a movie about the romanticization of suicide.  Tom wants to make a suicide pact with Abby so that they can be together forever, and the song performed at his funeral is all about how death is better than being a law-abiding member of society!  Unfortunately, there’s only the most minimal attempt to deal with a suicide’s effect on loved ones, and besides Tom, none of them seem to bother contacting anybody else they knew while alive.  The story does make the point, with Abby’s reluctance, that suffering is temporary but suicide is forever, yet the lack of consequences or limitations on the zombies means there’s no real force behind it.  Free spirited types are known to describe others as ‘zombies’, and inverting this into them being literal zombies could have been cool, but it wasn’t.  The whole movie feels like everybody was too shy to take it far enough.

As a final note, I am obsessed with the set design in Tom’s mother’s house, which is the only thing here that really counts as outrageous.  She’s got one wall painted with a nebula and another with a giant geometric fish.  The latter looks like something you find in bits at the Goodwill and buy even though you have nowhere to put it, and it steals every shot it’s in.  I want to knit a sweater with it as a motif.  Hands-down, the best thing in the whole movie.