#and edibles by when that happens. she gets super weird abt me and weed and it sucks. but thats a her problem. sbe doenst need to get it
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one day everything is gonna be better!
#the bin#maybe after i move i can get a therapist again. thatd be good.#its weird how worried i get over a lot of things and i dont wanna do them bc of potential negative affects or judgment from others#includibg people who i dislike. but then my response to half of my stress is considering suicide#i dont attempt it much now bc im lacking most methods. i used to a whole lot. and yet i get so concerned over comparatively little things#i worry abt the negative affects of dxm which i want to tey oit so i have a waybto feel better so i dont kill myself#yknow honestly. i think any negative affects it might have are a lot better than being dead. and i get woreied abt money and my sister being#weird abt how much weed i have (which isnt even that much) but it helps me not want to die so. like. those issues are small in comparison#i get worried abt the fact i cant feel better without getting high but like. my life DOES suck. i have a lot of reasons to feel awful#and literally no support from any people. its not good if getting high is the only thing that makes me not wanna kill myself but at least it#stops me from doing that. thats better than death! itd be nice uf i had a healthier solition but i dont#not getting high doesnt make me depressed. but im always depressed from other things and i have nobody to talk to at all and i wanna die#so whatever helps is worth it. i was very much so raised in a 'if this substance stops you from wnatibg to kill yourself then you have a#severe problem and you have to stop using it immediately' which is stupid. self medicating like this isnt great but its still a valid option#if i was able to tuen of the 'i want to die' at will then id do it but i cant and any distraction is a welcome one.#idk when ill see my sister next. hopefully next week. she beeds to stop by and get her card anyway. ill probably ask to bring some groceries#and edibles by when that happens. she gets super weird abt me and weed and it sucks. but thats a her problem. sbe doenst need to get it
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