#and eating it on sourdough I made myself

[kedreeva]

Cannot wait to cut into this one, it looks and sounds amazing.

[depresseddepot]

yes my sourdough turned out badly and yes my mother laughed at me for failing and YES i am crying like an idiot but i will be so brave about it and i will not let her meanness dissuade me from trying again

[bunnys-kisses]

hi bunny! i was wondering if you got an order for sourdough bread and blueberry muffins with a side of hard lemonade for toto? i think tumblr has been eating my asks! but if you did already get it ignore this!! love the writing and i loved the past two toto works 🫶🏻🫶🏻🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

bakery menu

want to submit your own orders? then check out the menu! there are tons of things to order and various wonderful servers. i do fandoms beyond f1 if something else strikes your fancy! as for this one, i see what your brain is cooking and i'm so sorry that your original order got eaten by the monster in my inbox! but thankfully this got through and i love the combination! i have grown a fondness for toto as i am part of a discord with other amazing people that's focused on him <3

sourdough bread ("i'm going to breed you.") + blueberry muffins ("i don't think it'll fit.") + hard lemonade (possessive behaviour) served by toto wolff (formula one)!!

cw: smut/pwp, age gap (20/50), wife!reader, breeding kink, size kink (duh), pregnancy, missionary position

toto found your antics amusing. he knew it was just the kind of person you were. you were raised in a household where hugging and kissing on the cheek were normal! toto wasn't going to get mad at you because you were more touch-y feel-y than most.

he found it cute, because you were always so affectionate towards him. you constantly wanted kiss and toto's arm around you. you want to bury into his chest and make a home out of there. you wanted to be close to him.

it wasn't you he didn't trust. it was men.

it was a hands-y mechanic at a party. he was closer to your age and made you laugh, which only left a surge of jealousy in your husband's chest. the mechanic seemed new. so he probably didn't know that you were toto's wife.

you chatted with him happily and toto felt the jealousy surge up further. he finished the drink in his hand before he put the glass down and went to 'rescue' his wife.

"schatzi." toto said, putting on his best smile. he didn't want to scare off the mechanic. he came up to you and placed his hand on your lower back. the size difference was noticable.

you were toto's little wife, you looked up at him and smiled, "ah, honey! this is the new mechanic!"

toto smiled back at you, "i know, my love." he looked at the mechanic and raised his eyebrows, "i know you'll be a great addition to the team this season. it is lovely to finally meet you. this is my wife." he said bluntly, "mrs. wolff."

you perked up, "oh my god, i'm so sorry! i only introduced myself as my first name. this is my husband!"

the new guy's eyes went wide for a moment before he said, "oh... i see." he then cleared his throat, "um, i'll be right back then!" then swiftly left the situation.

you frowned a little and said, "i wonder what that was about." you looked up at your husband, "he seemed scared."

he rubbed the top of your head before he leaned in and kissed you on the apple of your cheek, "mm, i don't think so, schatzi. why don't we go find george and lily?" two people that toto could trust.

-

that evening, toto made sure to show his wife how much he loved you. those large hands on your behind as he got you up onto the shared bed you have. he watched you get out of the dress, exposing your body to him.

your nude form was for his eyes only.

the glittery gold ring on your left hand was evidence of that. your pretty signature with the last name 'wolff' was another. he could get lost in your beauty as he yearned for you. it was a deep throb in his chest at the sight of you.

the pretty nude colour bra and the bright yellow panties you wore. both looked perfect on your skin. and only made toto undress faster, he didn't want to keep mrs. wolff waiting.

he got his button-up onto the floor, and the undershirt. you rubbed your soft thighs together and he drank in the sight of you.

"a woman like you should be illegal. i'm worried if you get more beautiful, my love." he got onto the bed and took off the undershirt, "i'd have to lock you away."

he said it almost jokingly. he trusted you of course, it was other men that couldn't be trusted.

you giggled and took his belt off. the leather felt expensive in your hands. it soon was on the bed and toto quickly got undressed as well before he was on top of you. his hands on your panties before he showed them down your thighs.

"i'm going to breed you." he said softly, "i want to see you with my child. a proper mother." his nose was up against your jaw, he could feel your pulse as it quickened.

your core got hotter as you struggled to get your bra off. you replied, "then come on now, my dear husband." you took him by the face to meet your gaze, "let's make a baby."

he thought the wind was knocked out of him for a moment before he grabbed a hold of your bra and got it off your body, leaving you fully naked to him. he got on his knees with your legs wrapped around his waist.

a heated part of him wanted to fuck you the old fashioned way. on your back so he could admire every inch of your skin.

"but, i don't think it'll fit." you remarked with a slight giggle.

he replied with a smile, he looked handsome as always. "oh don't worry, schatzi. it'll fit." toto was a big man all over. big hands meant two things, one of those things was that his the tip of his cock was familiar with the beginning of your cervix.

and that he easily bruised your poor sweet hole.

but, since you two got married. it had been easier for him to fuck you, to sink inside of you. to feel you inside and out. but now with you under him, he slowly got his cock into you. one hand on your hip and one around his cock.

he got it all the way to the root and then had both hands on your soft hips. you were beautiful under him, your breath hitched and it made toto's cock twitched.

the beautiful, amazing mrs. toto wolff.

he started to move against you. his hands felt so large on your hips as he moved against you. he hunched over you to admire every inch of your heated skin. he could feel the praise bubble up in his throat.

no mechanic, no driver, no man was going to take you from him. he made a promise to love you for all of your days. and he was expecting for that to last for many years.

you held onto the covers under you and let him move your body back and forth. the stretch felt good. you remembered the days when you'd be bruised for a few days afterwards.

"i want you to have my children, schatzi." he said with a softness in his voice. the pleasure raced up his spine as he continued to move against you. you felt perfect to him, like a dream come true.

you moaned a little louder, in the comfort of your shared bedroom. husband and wife tangled up in one another. you placed your hands onto his chest as he continued to rut against you.

his cock hit all the right areas, it made you feel flushed at it all. it was a heated feeling throughout your body.

you tried to meet his pace, but everything felt so much. your heart was racing and you could feel it in your gut. you moaned a little louder, "please honey."

he continued to work your pussy, making sure that you felt good. how could he not want that? you were his wife. not that little mechanic's wife. you were his.

"i know, angel." he said softly, "i'll make you feel good." he leaned in to kiss you on the lips. such a delicate thing under his touch, he could feel the fire in his stomach as he moved against you.

the most perfect living thing. to have sex with you was a feeling that excited toto. to have you anyway he could. he pleasure you as much as you pleasured him.

you were his heart, the thing that kept it beating. to keep going, to keep winning.

you whimpers were cute, you were close. and toto continued to make love to you.

"toto."

"i have you, my love."

you clutched onto the covers under you. your back arched at the intensity as you came around his cock. you whined a little bit and tensed up. toto took this as a chance to pick up the pace and really work his dick into you. he came soon after and made sure to get himself in as deep as it would go.

he was trying to get his wife pregnant after all. a few hard thrusts and his cum drooled into the back of your womb. a good sign if all goes well. toto felt flushed, the sweat down his back as he eyed his beautiful wife.

no mechanic cane get too hands-y if there was a proper baby bump in the way. a sign that toto had staked claim of you as if the ring he bought you wasn't enough. plus, you'd make a beautiful mother.

he pulled out of you and curled up against your stomach. he rubbed soft circles and stayed close to you. he was breathing heavily as were you.

"my beautiful wife." he said as he kissed your stomach.

-

you were all smiles at the party toto threw months later as a way to socialize for the upcoming crew of mercedes. to start out on the right foot. a promise of a good season.

even now, six months pregnant with your first child. you were still all smiles and laughter. instead of a glass of wine, you had been pouring yourself sparkling water to still be part of the celebrations. the dress you wore highlighted your rounded middle.

but now that you were pregnant, toto had to keep a close eye on you. your center of gravity had been all screwed up since your belly sprouted. he didn't need his wife taking a tumble.

he easily caught the sight of you waving hello to the mechanic from last year and giving him a big hug. he also noticed that the mechanic's hand was a little to close to your behind for toto's liking.

if it wasn't glaringly obvious that you were taken already, give the ring, the house and now the baby. he knew he was going to have to talk to the other man before the season started.

toto didn't mind that you were the type of person who loved a good hub, it was who you were! but, it was toto's job as your husband to make sure that you remained safe. <3

[miasmaghoul]

whos the best ghoul cook? do you think they have any weird eating quirks (like water ghouls eating raw fish, mountain chewin on his terra cotta plant pots, fire ghouls needing to eat more bc of higher body temp, anything like that)?

Did I ever tell you guys that I earned a scholarship to culinary school? I couldn't go, but cooking and baking remain passions of mine that I do NOT get to talk about enough.

But now you've given me an excuse >:)

So here, a BUNCH of my cooking (and favorite food) headcanons for the ghouls and Papas alike!

(There's some murder ghoul content here, mostly in Alpha's section - couldn't help myself 😌)

Aeon isn't one for cooking. Loves eating food, certainly, but not making it. He's more of a snacker, partly because it's more convenient but mostly because he doesn't have the attention span to do much more than microwave instant noodles. He's not picky though, will eat whatever is put in front of him as long as someone else has prepared it. Also doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, more of a salty/savory guy. Favorite foods include hot cheetos, thick cut beef jerky (good to gnaw), and whatever appears on his plate at meal times.

Aether is a ghoul of simple tastes. He'll cook when he has the time, but it's going to be one of his four go-to recipes every time. Always some format of protein + starch + veg, with a complementary sauce. He meal preps every weekend after his retirement so he can have easy meals to microwave and eat in the infirmary. Isn't the biggest fan of cooking with company, unless they're willing to stay out of the kitchen and not interrupt his routine. Has a weak spot for bananas. Favorite meal is one-pan roasted chicken, potatoes and asparagus with rosemary and garlic from Mountain’s garden.

Alpha does not cook, wouldn't dream of it. He doesn't even deign to eat human food most of the time, turns his nose up at it when offered. He likes his meat raw, and wants to hunt it himself so he can feel the blood run down his chin. Any prey is fair game - if he finds you in the woods, you'd better hope you can outrun him. (You cannot.) Favorite foods include the flesh and organs of anything with a pulse.

Aurora likes the idea of cooking, but in practice...well, she tries. She's impatient, is the problem - what do you mean simmer for 20 minutes? She's hungry now! She inevitably rushes everything she makes, no matter how much input she gets from the others, and has yet to learn her lesson. She also has a MASSIVE sweet tooth, they can't keep enough sugary snacks in the pantry as far as she's concerned. Favorite foods include spaghetti with butter and cheese (one of the only things she can always get right), boxed brownies and any kind of fruity candy she can get her paws on.

Cirrus can cook pretty well, if she says so herself, but it's rare that she does it for anyone but herself. She has very particular tastes, and doesn't want to have to adapt them for others. She loves organ meat and bitter vegetables, enjoys the intensity of those flavors while the smell alone keeps most of the others away. Oh well, more for her! She'll eat anything thats made for her though, especially if its served on a silver platter by someone on their knees. Favorite foods (aside from the aforementioned organs) mostly include healthy things like fresh fruit and veggies, steamed shellfish and lean meat.

Cumulus is more of a baker than a cook, but enjoys any time spent in the kitchen either way. She's the type to make a day of it, in her comfiest clothes with music playing while she dances in front of the stove. Her food is never the prettiest, but it's made with love and tastes so much better for it. Her favorite things to bake are cookies and pies, but she doesn't eat many sweets herself. Prefers seeing the others enjoy them. Favorite foods include homemade bread (she has a sourdough starter named Breadly) with lots of butter and flaky salt, anything citrus-forward and wants her proteins heavily spiced (not spicy, she has a low tolerance, but loves the fragrant flavors of herbs and spices).

Dewdrop doesn't advertise it, but he's one of the best ghouls to have in the kitchen. His precision and attention to detail are second to none, and while it doesn't make him particularly fun to share a kitchen with it does make him an outstanding cook. He likes very intricate, involved recipes because he can use them to showcase his skills (and earn a whole bunch of praise at the dining table as a bonus). Loves spicy food, which everyone assumes is due to him now being a fire ghoul, but he's actually always enjoyed a good burn. Favorite foods include any meat served on the bone, fermented foods (kimchi and sour pickles especially) and anything smoked.

Ifrit does not know how the stove works. He survives on protein bars and any leftovers he can pilfer from the abbey kitchens. Food is not a thing he's super interested in, just takes what he needs to fuel himself, and would rather follow in Alpha's footsteps anyway. He likes to hang out at the lake every now and then with Mist, though - she'll pop up from the water every now and then with a nice plump trout to toss his way, which he will roast with his bare hands. Doesn't really have a favorite food, but does like crunchy things.

Mist, if she isn't sharing her spoils with Ifrit, will keep her catch for herself. She's small enough that one good-sized lake fish will tide her over for the day. She does prefer them raw and whole, always a bit on the feral side, but she can be convinced to join the others for sushi if the offer arises. Favorite foods include anything alive and not poisonous in the lake, and cookie dough ice cream (don't tell anyone).

Mountain is overall considered to be the best cook amongst the ghouls, and definitely has the goofy apron to prove it. Naturally skilled and adaptable, he enjoys preparing meals for his pack and will do so with anyone that wishes to lend a hand. Usually it's Cumulus or Sunshine, but they all keep him company at one point or another. He grows much of the produce used in their kitchen himself, all of it fresh and delicious, but Mountain does not eat a bite of it. He's a total carnivore - the closest he gets to eating his homegrown goodies is including them in a stew but avoiding them in his own bowl. Favorite foods include rabbit, venison and this one Vietnamese style grilled beef and rice noodle dish that Dew makes.

Omega learned to cook by osmosis, if you ask him. Time spent under three Papas will do thay to a ghoul. He doesn't cook much, but he's excellent at crafting simple, filling pasta dishes that are good for the soul (so to speak). Also treats it as an excuse to drink plenty of the good wine stashed away in the abbey's cellars - blame Terzo for that habit. Favorite meal is fresh pappardelle served with roasted tomatoes, basil and spicy sausage.

Rain doesn't cook if it involves more than the microwave, not because he can't but because he prefers to be waited on. Breakfast in bed, charcuterie plates in the afternoon, specially prepared dinners to make sure he's kept happy - none of it is necessary, but Rain can't help how much he loves being served. Good thing no one minds giving him the royal treatment. He will also indulge in the odd raw fish during a swim, but only does it beneath the surface, away from prying eyes. Favorite good is soup, any kind, but he prefers brothy ones over thick or creamy styles. If he had to pick a single favorite varitey, it would be miso.

Swiss is only allowed in the kitchen because he's good with a knife. He can burn through prep work like nobody's business, but that's where his skill set ends. He's caused one too many greasefires to he trusted at the stove, and every time he's put something in the oven he's forgotten about it until smoke filled the room and the ghoulettes had to magickally air it out. But he can chop like a food processor, so he gets the knife pass. He's another one that'll eat anything put in front of him, with one exception: eggs. Can't stand them. Favorite foods include red meat served rare, really dark, bitter chocolate and anything with hideous amounts of garlic.

Sunshine is chaos personified in the kitchen. She loves to experiment with flavors and techniques, but has yet to have anything close to a success. Pasta with pesto and pineapple (alliteration is fun), chocolate covered avocado balls (with bacon, because why not), a tuna sandwich made with coconut yogurt instead of mayo (it's healthy!) - these are but a few of the food crimes that have lost her solo access to the kitchens. This girl could burn cereal, and no one wants to see that. She does love to eat though, and will frequently hang out when someone else is cooking so she can sneak bites whatever they're making. Favorite foods include cheese (all kinds), sour candy and all the orchard fresh peaches she can get her hands on.

And for the Papas:

Primo had to learn his way around the kitchen from an early age, thanks to the responsibility of raising his younger brothers falling onto his shoulders. He learned by watching the kitchen staff - a pair of elderly Sisters with so much skill in their gnarled hands that Primo couldn't look away. He never got very good at it, mostly sticking to a handful of reliable dishes that could be made cheap and easily for the three of them. His favorite of the bunch was also the one thing he was best at making - a simple mushroom risotto.

Secondo took to the kitchen like it was second nature, once Primo could trust him to not chop a finger off. Would spend hours poring over cookbooks and learning by doing, eating his own failures so his brothers wouldn't have to. He really enjoyed making simple but hearty comfort foods, lots of rib-sticking braises and stews filled with herbs and veggies from Primo's modest garden. He even cooked the last meal they ever shared together, on that fateful Uno night. It was his favorite, a lasagna constructed from fresh sheets of pasta, homemade ricotta, spinach and a simple tomato sauce, served with roasted garlic focaccia.

Terzo did not get the cooking gene, aside from being able to boil water for his tea. It wasn't a big deal since his brothers picked up the slack, and he decided there were other things that took priority - like music, history and how to retain a full head of hair after age 30. He preferred drinking over eating anyway, mostly saw food as something to put in his stomach to cushion the wine. He was a man of simple tastes, and his favorite thing was a humble sandwich of mortadella, provolone and spicy pickled peppers.

Copia never had to learn to cook, raised by the Clergy and doted on thanks to a not-so-subtle suggestion from Sister Imperator. More than a little spoiled in that sense, he would also go on to be the most worldly Papa in terms of his tastes. So much time spent traveling the world helped to expand his palate, and he got into the habit of sending pictures and descriptions of his favorites back to the abbey so the kitchen staff could figure out how to replicate them. It's impossible for him to pick a favorite, but thanks to so much time spent in LA he does have a real soft spot for Mexican food. Tacos al pastor in particular, but without the cilantro (he has the soap gene).

[riveroftales]

♡♡♡♡ғᴏʀ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇʟᴘ♡♡♡♡

ғᴇᴍ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ɢᴏʟᴅᴇɴ ʀᴇᴛʀɪᴇᴠᴇʀ! ʜᴀᴋᴜᴊɪ

You were only 14 years old when you found Hakuji passed out on the streets. He was beaten, severely injured, and he was bleeding from literally everywhere.

Despite the struggle, you managed to prop him up on your shoulder as you dragged him to your house where your father worked as a doctor.

You could still remember the shock on your father’s expression when you brought Hakuji in.

“Hah?! Him?! No! Do you know who he is? A criminal! I’m not going to heal a criminal!”

It took so much insistence before your father finally agreed. When Hakuji woke up, like every normal person who passed out and proceeded up wake up in an unfamiliar place, he was surprised.

You had to talk to him to try and calm him down like a scared animal, but he eventually came through. You helped treat his wounds and made him things to eat.

“So, Hakuji, is it?”

You smiled softly as you gently cleaned up his wound before replacing the bandaid.

“Yeah.. how’d you know?”

“Not like you’re not a wanted criminal.”

“Right..”

The boy was a little odd. You’d never seen eyes as blue as his, and despite his hair being dark, his lashes were a pretty shade of pink. You chuckled to yourself as you recalled how his cheeks would turn as pink as his lashes when he was flustered.

It had been so long since that happened. You don’t regret meeting him.

You tucked the fabric in the nook and cranny of the basket carefully while making sure that the food in it was covered properly before you pulled the hood of your cloak over your head.

“Dad! I’m going out for a bit!”

You walked down the busy streets of downtown while avoiding the people around you, a soft smile on your face.

“Hakuji.. I really like you, and I hope this basket can make you feel the same..”

You groaned.

Too pushy…

“Hakuji, I’ve loved you for a really long time-”

Nope.

“Hakuji, I really hope you’ll go out with me because I like you..”

Too pushy.

You didn’t know how to confess. You didn’t really want to confess anyways. Confessing was scary.

“Say it like this..” a familiar voice suddenly spoke behind you, which made you yelp audibly.

Your reflexes kicked in and you didn’t hesitate to swing your basket towards whoever startled you beyond worlds until a hand reached up and caught the material before it landed on him.

“Woah! Easy there, Girl.” Hakuji laughed.

Your cheeks were incredibly red from the blood rush.

“How long have you been following me..?” You deadpan.

“Damn. I can’t even get a ‘hi’? Thought you loved me or something?” Hakuji smiled before flinging one of his arms around your shoulders.

“Hey-!”

“Woah! This for me?” His eyes light up when he sees the basket. He took it from you and unraveled the contents. “Holy- is that your sourdough bread?”

“Hakuji, how long have you been following me for?!”

“And cheese! Is that your butter?! Oh my god, I’ve been blessed by the heavens above! The best sourdough in all of land, the creamiest butter and the thickest yet spreadable cheese! Did you also pack me some fruit?”

He kept on dodging your questions, resulting in your face growing more and more red from all the blood rush.

“HAKUJI!”

He flinched before scratching his temple with his forefinger.

“Damn.. guess I did that to myself.” He chuckled softly. “Sorta? I mean, I saw you alone a few minutes ago so I thought it’d be fun to surprise you.”

“How much did you hear?”

“Huh?”

“How much did you hear?”

A small smile arose on his features.

“Enough to know how I’m going to do this.”

“What?”

He took both your hands in his, which worsened your condition. You blush spread from your cheeks to your ears.

“Y/n! I want you to come with me tonight to the New Year festival.”

“E-Eh?!”

“My master’s planning on staying at the dojo the whole day, so we’ll have the entire night to ourselves. The fireworks display starts at midnight.. I want to see you about an hour before so we can spend time together and actually talk about things. I don’t want you ask me about how my life in the dojo is going, and I’m not gonna ask you if you’re planning on taking over your father’s hospital. Ask me anything and everything. I’ll answer it all.”

He smiled before giving you a small wink, turning around and bolting away.

“Ah! By the way!” He turned around for a brief moment, running in the same spot. “I’m keeping the basket!”

You were just frozen on the spot. His hands were so warm.

FUCK. I don’t have anything to wear.

The blush on your cheeks didn’t falter. In fact, it got worse.

How could it not? The man you loved was behind you, grabbing your hair before twisting it around a hairpin he bought just for you before pushing it in your hair.

“How’d you do it so effortlessly?”

“My master’s daughter. She’s really sick and has a frail body, so I have to do a lot of things for her when he’s out of town.” He made sure the hairpin stayed tight and secure.

“Oh..”

“Everything okay?”

“Is she pretty?”

“What?”

You hated asking those questions. It wasn’t your business and you knew it, but you couldn’t help it. You just needed clarification so you knew not to get your hopes too high up.

However, Hakuji saw right through you.

“Hmm.. she’s gorgeous. Drop dead gorgeous. Literally. She’s also unbelievably cute, and really pretty.”

You just slowly nodded, your gaze dropping.

Until he placed his index finger under your chin and lifted it up so your gaze was fixed on him.

“But she’s not my type.” He smiled. “I like hot-headed girls who took me in despite knowing who I was, nursed me back to health, and still stayed with me.”

Your eyes widened slightly.

“Hakuji..”

“Ooo! Look! They sell takoyaki!”

His haori was wrapped around you as you were seated literally right on his lap while he held you close. You managed to find a good spot away from the crowd under a tree.

“You good?”

“Mhm.” You gave him a small nod.

Then you heard the first explosion, your eyes instantly shifting towards the sky. Another one. Then another, until the sky was nothing but colours.

But Hakuji wasn’t paying attention. His gaze was fixed on you and your plump lips, how your lips would slightly part in awe, the slight upturn curve it had, the soft colour, the smoothness..

Your lips were the only thing flooding his mind.

“Hakuji!” You had to shake him a little harshly to snap him out of his trance.

“Hm?”

“You missed it! The whole show! How does that even happen?!” You tried to scold until you realised he wasn’t listening. “Hey! My eyes are up here!”

“Can you promise not to hit me if I do this?”

“Hah?”

“Please? Just a yes or no.”

You didn’t even hear him because you were a little too upset to at he missed some of the prettiest lights in the world just to zone out staring at you.

“Uhm.. yes, I guess?”

A smile formed on his face before one of his hands cupped your face and he placed his lips on yours.

[kit-williams]

Black Templars with Bonds

So a quick note is that I kind of headcanon that Black Templars with weak bonds tend to try and break them by getting as far as they can from their human till the bond "snaps". ALSO dates from WHEN Roland is from are not canon for Yandere Space Marine AU.

Unfortunately for Cedric @sleepyfan-blog's boy he's meeting two bonded Black Templars with both intense bonds.

Arnault is originally the Bodice Ripper Author from this story

Brother Roland is originally from Yandere Space Marine AU.

@egrets-not-regrets @liar-anubiass-blog @barn-anon @bleedingichorhearts @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan

They had managed to find some Black Templars willing to come meet their "baby" brother. Neither Roland nor Arnault had heard of Primaris marines as they were from M41 and M40 respectively. However, they were told their battle brother was suffering and until they could get in contact with the "feral" ""warband"" of Black Templars he was completely alone. The Chaplain decided that it was best for his mental wellbeing to have at least some of his brothers meet him... even if they had more intense bonds then most marines.

Roland arrived first at the base. His eyes flick over Cedric in that typical appraising manner, he was out of armor wearing civilian looking clothing with a white shirt with large black cross over the center and black pants. He hummed at the end of his appraisal and passed him a large loaf of sourdough. "Its bread. It's good. It's made fresh by my human." Roland bit back the fact that it's made with love but he didn't want to overwhelm the young battle brother.

Though it didn't take Arnault long to appear and Roland sighed as while Roland kept his hair short Arnault let his white hair grow a little longer. As the incident involving the Black Templars he originally with made him a social pariah with any other Black Templars in the area but he was still a son of Dorn at the end of the day given the sword strapped to his hip but his clothes were a bit more fitted and nicer than what Roland wore. When his eyes met Cedrics he could see that cold calculation and appraisal flick into them as he judged the Primaris. "So you're the young battle brother that was dropped into the world in nothing but his night clothes." Arnault pointed out what he was told.

"Yes sir." Cedric said, causing Roland to scoff as he gave Arnault the side eye.

"He's polite." Arnault says.

"Yes, far more than you probably deserve." Roland said.

Arnault laughed as they switched to the local language and Cedric watched as Roland punched Arnault in the arm before they resumed in Gothic. Roland's arms folded over his chest and Arnault standing there, "You really are wound up tight." Roland points out as he had expected Cedric to start eating the bread as it smelt good.

The nervous look returned to Cedric's eyes and the two older black templars looked at him worried.

"Um, so what's your favorite food?" Arnault tried to break the ice.

"Nutrient paste?" Cedric replied confused as Roland just groaned.

"Have you been allowed out?" He asks.

"No sir. I've been confined on base since attacking a... patient." He hisses.

"Right Unbonded." They both said in unison.

"Well little," Arnault looked up at Cedric with a smirk, "battle brother you've got Brother Roland and myself Brother Arnault in the area to help keep you company. Now lets go enjoy the Brot that Bruder Roland brought." Arnault slips into that familiar Black Templar accent.

When they noticed him walking behind them the two forced Cedric to walk beside them as they were unwilling to talk behind themselves to a proper brother.

[eltystuffs]

🌼My friend, you have met a terrible, terrible demise🌼

I went urban exploring for the first time with my bestie and brought Mr. Hippo with me to brighten the atmosphere! The floors were creaky, the air was filled with dust, and it was the perfect place for our favorite Mediocre Melody! This guy will be going to @crayfurbs as part of an art trade ❤ It was so fun making Mr. Hippo come to life as a Furby fr

My allergy symptoms will never recover from this I think I have mold spores and dust particles in my brain

If you need Mr. Hippo brainrot, read more

"My friend, you have met a terrible, terrible demise. But, uh, you know, I-I don’t feel too bad about it. After all, if- if it weren’t from me, it would have just been from someone else, ya know? I guess what I’m trying to say is life, life goes on. W- well, from- for everyone else, life goes on. Not- not for you, you’re, you're dead. But that’s neither here nor there. It reminds me of one summer day in the park, I was having just a delightful picnic with my good friend Orville. And I said to him, I said, “Orville, I-I have a story,” And he said to me, “What’s the significance of the story?” I said to him “Orville, not every story has to have significance, ya know? Sometimes uhh, you know, sometimes a story is just a story. You try to read into every little thing and find meaning in everything anyone says, you’ll just drive yourself crazy. Had a friend do it once - wasn’t pretty - we talked about it for years. And-and not only that, but, you’ll likely end up believin' something you shouldn’t believe or thinkin' something you shouldn’t think o-o-or assumin' something you shouldn’t assume, ya know? "Sometimes," I said, "a-a-a story is- is just a story, so just be quiet for one second of your life and eat your sandwich, okay?" Of course, it was only then I realized I made sandwiches and, poor Orville was having such difficulty eating it! Elephants have those clumsy hands, ya know? A-Actually, I-I suppose that’s the problem; they don’t have hands at all, do they? They've, they’re all feet! A-an I-I couldn’t imagine someone asking me to eat a sandwich with my feet. Now, if I recall correctly there was a bakery nearby. I- I said to him “Orville, l-let me go get you some rye bread.” Now, I-I’m unsure if elephants enjoy rye bread, but I assure you that Orville does. Now this was on a Tuesday which was good because rye bread was always fresh on Tuesday. They made sourdough on Monday and threw it out Wednesday. O-or rather they sold it at a discount for people wantin' to feed the ducks and then, probably at the end of the day finally they threw it all out, I-I don't recall. I do remember a man who would being his son to the bakery every Wednesday, and-and go feed the ducks. He would buy all of the sourdough bread. Of course, you know, you’re not supposed to feed the ducks sourdough bread at all. It swells up in their stomach and then they all die. At, ah, at least, at least that’s what I’ve heard. Ya know, I never saw any ducks die myself, but I did notice a substantial decrease in duck population over the course of a few years. I just never thought to stop the man and tell him he was killing the ducks by feeding them sourdough bread! And if you want my opinion on the matter, heh, and I told Orville this as well: if you wanna feed ducks or birds or any kind for that matter, especially buy seed. I mean, when you think about it, breads of any sort don’t occur in nature. They don’t grow on trees or spring up from the bushes! I don’t think birds know what to do with bread. What was I saying? Oh, oh yes yes. So I bought Orville some rye bread. What a fine day it was."

[coquexari]

Happy birthday!

Specifically the lemon sleep deprived Athena was looking at.

Is there a deeper meaning? Is it an inside joke a reference? Do I have to analysis it like my 9 grade English novel study? Or is it just to spite me (also severally sleep deprived) and looking for an answer would be fruitless. As mister hippo of FNAF said "sometimes a story is just a story"

*deranged laughter*

*inhales* I'm ok. I think.

Figured out the sirens name :)

Happy birthday once again!!!!!!

My friend, you have met a terrible, terrible demise. But, I, uh, y'know, I - I - I don't feel too bad about it. After all, if it weren't for me it would've just been from someone else, y'know? I guess what I'm trying to say is life - life goes on. Well... Well for everyone else life goes on. Not - not for you.. uh.. You're dead. That's neither here nor there.

It reminds me of one summer day in the park. I was having just a delightful picnic with my good friend Orville, and I said to him - I said "Orville, I-I have a story."

And he said to me "What's the significance of the story?" and...

I said to him "O-Orville, not every story has to have significance, y'know? Sometimes, uh, y'know, sometimes a story is just a story. You try to read into every little thing and find meaning in everything anyone says you'll just drive yourself crazy. Had a friend do it once - Wasn't pretty. We talked about it for years. And not only that, but you'll likely end up believing something you shouldn't believe, thinking something you shouldn't think, o-or assuming something you shouldn't assume, y'know?"

Sometimes I said "A story is-is just a story, so just be quiet for one second in life and eat your sandwich, okay?" Of course, it was only then I realized I'd made sandwiches.

Poor Orville was... having such difficulty eating it. Elephants have those clumsy hands, y'know? Actually, I-I suppose that's the problem. They don't have hands at all, do they? The-they're all feet! An-I-I couldn't imagine someone asking me to eat a sandwich with my feet.

Now, if I recall correctly there was a bakery nearby. I said to him, "Orville, let me go get you some rye bread." Now, I-I'm unsure if elephants enjoy rye bread, but I assure you that Orville does.

Now this was on a Tuesday, which was good because rye bread was always fresh on Tuesday. They made sourdough bread on Monday, and threw it out Wednesday... or rather they sold it at a discount for people wanting to feed the ducks, and probably at the end of the day finally they threw it all out - I don't recall.

I do remember a man who would bring his son to the bakery every Wednesday and go feed the ducks. He would buy all of the sourdough bread. Of course, y'know, you're not supposed to feed the ducks sourdough bread at all. It swells up in their stomach and then they all die. At, uh.. at least... at least that's what I've heard. Y'know I-I never saw any ducks die myself, but I did notice a substantial decrease in the duck population over the course of a few years. I just never thought to stop the man and tell him that he was killing the ducks by feeding them sourdough bread! And if you want my opinion on the matter, heh - and I told Orville this as well - "If you wanna feed ducks, or birds, or any kind for that matter, it's best to buy seed."

I mean, when you think about it, breads of any sort don't occur in nature. They don't grow on trees, or spring up from the bushes. I don't think birds know what to do with bread. What was I saying?

Oh-oh, yes yes.

So I bought Orville some rye bread. What a fine day it was.

[luvtonique]

I feel like my artist career might be nearly over.

Now mind you, not because I'm burnt out, or because of some kind of controversy, but entirely because I don't know how much longer I can keep trying to push forward with it.

I don't hate my art, I don't even dislike it. It's my passion, and I want my entire life to be a life or creating art and telling stories.

I love sharing what I create with the world and I love having support from my fanbase.

But as of right now, I just can't get anyone noticing anything I do.

I've been working on a video game for almost a full year now, have gameplay footage I've shown, sprite animations, story I've shown off, characters I've been drawing and describing and giving backstories, and I get like 20 notes tops on anything I post.

I do streams for an average of 5 viewers every Monday and Wednesday and Friday. 5 viewers.

I have had a fundraiser to get me out of California because I can't afford to live here, I'm disabled, and I have a 75yo mother and an autistic brother I'm trying to get out of here too, and I barely scraped together $3000 of donations over the last year.

I pour my heart and soul into music that I've been writing and I'm met with backlash or people flat out ignoring the songs I post because people say my lyrics I write aren't worthy of notice or a paycheck. Soundcloud outright denied my ability to monetize my music. Completely. I am no longer able to request monetization.

The state of California has spent the last 15 years denying my attempts to get SSI, state disability, any kind of social security for my rheumatoid arthritis, and I even got told by a disability lawyer that they had to decline my case because I don't take medication for my disability. When I told them I don't have medical insurance because I don't qualify for MediCAL, they said that isn't their problem.

I watch other artists with 170,000 followers on Twitter bashing me and saying I don't deserve my fanbase for reasons they're just making up, and when I try to defend myself they just bash me harder and block me while I'm over on Twitter with like 300 followers and not getting noticed by anyone.

I reach out to my friends to get retweets, reblogs, etc. and I get nothing. No help, no love, after literal years of me promoting them and doing multistreams with them and collabs with them to help them get noticed.

I've even been blocked by multiple friends of mine when I asked if they wanted to partner up for projects. Really! Blocked! Outright blocked because people want so badly to get away from me!

I am literally starving. I'm currently eating stale sourdough bread that my mom made 2 weeks ago because it's all we have in the house.

I'm sitting here suffering constantly and when I ask people if they wanna like do a collab or do an art trade they always tell me they don't have time, and then the next day I see them post 6-7 art trades they did with another artist.

I make fan-art or fan-music for my artist friends and they just completely ignore it.

I am planning to rework my Patreon into a game dev Patreon to help support my solo development on Melodi, and I guarantee with certainty it won't breach $300 a month.

I have spent my entire life from age 11 to age 35 just working hard to make a living off of my art and all I have earned is a reputation as "a shithead" who never gets given the opportunity to question or debate or be interviewed by the people who call me a shithead.

I'm on the verge of fizzling out.

I'm barely surviving.

And when my game comes out, some day, it may very well be the last thing you ever see from me. I may just leave the internet. I may give up and go find another life to live.

Because even though this is my dream, even though this is all I've ever wanted to do with my life, even though I'm talented and my few fans I still have love everything I make and constantly tell me that my creations are gorgeous, I just plain can't keep doing this forever. I cannot, and will not, continue to suffer alone and obscure.

Case in point: This post is gonna get 2-6 comments from the same people who comment on all my emotional posts saying "I wish I could help but I can't so here's a virtual hug," 16-25 likes and 2 reblogs. And then I'll delete the post.

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c25. Kitchen confidential.

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, mentions of mafia-type organisations, eating disorders, death, depression.

song to listen to when reading this: Si, ah, Frah Quintale.

abstract: It's Simon, who's surprised, you get how it works. Alba is a good cook I'll tell you that. other than that, you won't get any spoilers from me, having to re-read this is painful enough. my eyes are bleeding from reading all the bullshit I was thinking in this moment. see ya.

She smiled and tilted her head to the side. There he was. She didn't look at him for too long, that would make him uncomfortable. Instead, she sat down in front to him and topped her pasta with some breadcrumbs, she then passed him the bowl as he imitated her. She raised her glass of wine he had filled motioned it towards him, but he kept his eyes low. He told her it was good, she said she was glad he liked it. His face wasn't different from what she had imagined, having seen parts of it already. His nose looked like it had been broken several times, his upper lip was adorned by a white scar, on the left side. He had harsh features and his cheekbones were pointy, if it wasn't for his longish hair he would have really looked the military part. Instead, those blond messy locks kinda made him look more normal, more like a civilian. Even his big brown eyes betrayed his untouchable and stern persona. 'Is this… from where your dad is from?' He asked, referring to the pasta sauce. 'No he's from the north, but all the best food is from the south of Italy…', she replied. 'Want bread?' She gave him a slice of toasted sourdough, said Italians normally use it to clean the plate of all the sauce. He was finishing all the pasta that was in the pan when she went back to cooking. He looked at her dancing from the fridge to the oven, to the counter and back. 'You need help?' He was still eating and comfortably sitting down while she barely finished her plate and went back to putting something in the oven. 'No don't worry', she sat back down and finished her pasta. In the silence she noticed the song that was playing in the background she thanked every god above he didn't understand Italian, it would have been embarrassing.

'Come over to my place, we'll smoke together.

Come over to my place, we'll talk, and drink and then I don't know…

You can even stop for dinner if you want, I'm home alone…

Tonight, we'll put a movie on, and will spend the evening just like this, ah…

yeah, ah…

yeah, ah…

(We will not watch it).

He asked her if he could feed Jinx again, she handed him his treats, adding that he knew some commands. He tried some of them and the dog followed, salivating on the floor, but got distracted easily and started crying for food. 'He was abused as a puppy, I'm still trying to figure out how to manage the whining and crying…', he looked at her with a surprised expression. She was scooping the ricotta thing with a piece of carrot. 'Really?' 'Yeah, I adopted him last year, I used to volunteer at a shelter. He was severely underweight and didn't really trust anyone, my poor baby…' she cooed. 'He still gets sad when I cook cause he thinks I don't want to feed him.' Simon gently patted the dog's head between his ears. 'So you work, you do ballet, the shelter…', he turned to face her, intrigued by the many hobbies and occupations this woman had. She was a good cook as well… 'Is it that obvious I don't have many friends?' He immediately regretted saying that. She let out a small chuckle, the tension in the air vanishing again. 'You don't look like you got many friends either…', she whispered. Dead friends, dead family, even myself, I'm legally dead, Alba. He was a killing machine, he was a soldier, he survived the unimaginable, no he didn't have friends… Half his life he had spent killing and touring in the name of his loved ones. 'I do have friends…' he replied. 'Hum who? Scotland and that other silly one?' He had to suppress a tiny smile, he suddenly remembered he wasn't wearing his mask. She was funny. She didn't know he saw her talk to Garrick, which probably wanted to be more friends with her than with him… 'Yeah, we work together…' She turned around from facing the oven and put her hands on her hips. 'So they're coworkers, not friends', she argued, waving a cooking thermometer in the air. She opened the oven, careful not to burn herself and checked the temperature of the fish. 140°F, perfectly cooked.

'Lemon cod, Simon Riley', he shivered when she said his name, 'With dill and rosemary.' She put the two dirty plates in the sink, scooping half of the fish into her clean plate and plating the other half in his. The fish looked flaky and tender, it was laying on a slice of lemon and coated in olive oil and herbs. She wasn't done, she had another tray with crispy roasted potatoes. 'This is too much Alba, seriously', he tried. 'Why?' She was looking at him now, stoic and calm. She didn't move for a while, she kept inspecting his face. He didn't know what to say except that he felt undeserving. He didn't belong there, in that warm house, with all that food she cooked for him. He didn't belong in her presence because he was used to ruin nice things, he wasn't used to them, he hadn't had a home cooked meal in a while, and he could't get used to the feeling. He was scared he was going to like it. 'You got too much stuff…', she interrupted him.

'Are you not hungry?'

'Yes, I am but…'

She went on again, 'Do you not like it?'

'No no I do, it's just…'

'Then eat it.' She was serious, she wasn't smiling anymore. She understood why he felt that way. She understood this probably wasn't his thing. She bought what she wanted to cook, she cooked because she like it. She suspected he wasn't really used to people taking care of him or doing nice things for him. 'It's Christmas Simon', she said, her voice soft again. Her eyes looked full of sadness for a second. 'I've spent Christmas alone for the past six years. And I think you know how it feels to be alone…' She sat down, he looked at her feeling petrified and exposed, was she fucking psychoanalysing him? 'I'm really glad you're here and I hope you like what I made, I made it because I wanted to.' He spent way too much time thinking about an answer and could only come up with a shitty one. He tried to not think of her words and get them out of his head as fast as possible. You don't know the first thing about me Alba, don't compare your trauma to mine. 'I'll pay you back, you probably spent way too much on food…'

'Oh, wait till I tell you I got you a present as well.'

notes: yes, the song really goes, yeah, ah… you can hear it. If we end up in my bed it's a coincidence, but don't say you tripped…

notes: incredibly sad update, I'm running out of planned chapters... and, I'm going on holiday soon and uni is getting busy again. soo maybe expect me to update not so frequently. BUT we've got so much to cover don't worry!!

taglist:

@ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006 @my-therapist-hates-me

[castielafflicted]

it has come to my attention some of you might not truly understand my sandwich qualifications and why I've been calling them "shitty turkey sandwiches" when they're a perfectly normal quick sandwich of cheap white bread, american cheese, turkey lunch meat, and mayo.

behold 6 sandwiches I have made

my normal effort sandwich includes: cheddar cheese, at least one meat (or eggs), (usually) pickles, lettuce, tomato with salt and pepper, mayo, garlic and onion powder, and sometimes dijon mustard. the bread is not always toasted, but for a Good sandwich I dry toast one side in a skillet. a quick sandwich in my mind is cheddar and tomato or cheddar and lunch meat, but never american. my high effort sandwiches get wrapped in wax paper and sit a little bit so i get away from the Sandwich Making Smells and like them even more.

the first sandwich has a whole ass omelette with caramelized onions and garlic and bell peppers. it's on toasted garlic cheese bread. it has roast beef, mayo, yellow mustard, cheddar, the omelette, and tomato with salt and pepper. i still dream about this sandwich. the third sandwich is on sourdough i made myself.

so, comparatively, i am eating very shitty turkey sandwiches.

[kabillieu]

Making dinner is, as always, a struggle. I'm doing so much better than I used to, but it still gives me daily anxiety and I have a difficult time with motivation and inspiration. And yet--still I like to eat. And good food at that.

I have so many IRL and online friends who are amazingly talented, creative, and flexible cooks. I wish I had even a fraction of many of your talents! But I can usually follow a recipe, and I have gotten better about the planning that goes into cooking. I try to strike a good balance between ignoring my family's pickiness and accommodating them. I've cooked some good meals lately, many of which are repeat dishes, and I just wanted to record them here. So here's what we've had in the last week and a half or so.

BLTs on sliced sourdough from the grocery store bakery with Caesar salads. I ate the rest of the sourdough toasted with butter over the course of the week and now may have high cholesterol. Worth it.

Balsamic chicken thighs and mushrooms over rice with broccoli . I make this recipe all the time. It's like a sweeter chicken adobo, so Dominic loves it, and my kids like it too. It's just really, really good.

Roasted sweet potato and black bean tacos with a bagged Southwestern style salad. For this dinner I had to modify my kids' plates because they are knuckleheads who won't eat tacos or sweet potatoes or black beans or salad. But this is what I wanted to eat, so I made the exact dinner I wanted for myself. Even though it was an easy meal, it took forever to get all the food on the table. I made my plate last and then dramatically dropped it before I could sit down, creating a HUGE, dangerous mess with shards of plate everywhere. It was VERY sad, I cut my ankle, but Dominic cleaned it up and I made another taco and everything was fine.

Ina Garten's skillet-roasted chicken and potatoes with green beans. I've made this recipe before, and it is WONDERFUL. I skip the buttermilk marinade because I just don't have time for it, and it is still good. I stir fried the green beans with olive oil, garlic powder, and Lawry's seasoning because that's how @thebarbaricyawp made green beans for us when she and G visited us over the 4th, and I always copy her because she is the best cook I know.

I also made Eric Kim's cold noodles with zucchini for lunch a couple times because I love his recipes but also because I love zucchini and my family acts like I'm trying to poison them when I make it. It's a fun recipe and satisfies my need for novelty as well as zucchini.

Last night Dominic grilled steaks, and I made the sides, and everything was delicious. I made more green beans, mushrooms, horseradish sauce, and these roasted potatoes. The potatoes were excellent. I made the horseradish sauce by stirring together roughly equal portions of sour cream, mayonnaise, and prepared horseradish, and it is so incredibly delicious every time.

[matan4il]

Ok I had a go making sfinge today and they're unlike anything I've ever made? Like it's almost a 100% hydration dough (1:1 ratio flour to liquid) and there's basically no sweetness to the dough itself - they seem almost savoury (although maybe that was the recipe I found?).

I had a proper double take moment when I had them with honey as it's like the lovechild between a sourdough and a doughnut! Honestly so bizarre but I loved it. Cannot wait to gorge myself the next few days (I made 30 kibbeh tonight to do am waiting to fry them up tomorrow 🎉)

(also we have all seen how Oliver Stark has decided Buck eats on 911 by unhinging his jaw and I'm imagining Buck in your series attempting to get a full one of these in in one go and just covering himself in honey)

OMG! Hon, your sfinge looks SO good, I am going to die over here, since I have no possibility to get or make some this Hanukkah. I salute you for making them, the pics are gorgeous and appetizing, and I am SO happy that you liked them! But also, you have to get to try the ones with whipped cream and strawberries we have here, they're my personal faves, and I can't get enough of them.

(also, I love that image of Jewish Buck devouring sfinge without a second thought... not gonna lie, thinking of writing that now)

Okay, since you shared gorgeous pics with me, I'll share some photos right back. My apologies for them being less gorgeous, but on my way to get my treatment this Thursday, I got to stop by the local mall and take these. From the grocery store, where I discovered a Kinder chocolate hanukkiah, so of course I got it for my nephew:

From the home design shop, a display of hanukkiot:

(in the background, you can see a sign pointing out where the bomb shelter is)

From the bakery, some of the fancy sufganiot that Israelis are insane for (yes, you absolutely should come to Israel to try them!):

My place of work decorated for the kids evacuated from the south, who are currently studying there:

And lastly, just because, my sweet nephew dancing to a musical dreidel, playing a Hanukkah song:

God, I love his tiny focused expression. "No, adults! Be quiet, I must spin at the same time as the dreidel!" XD

Happy Hanukkah, darling! Hope the light is shining brighter than ever for you this holiday! xoxox

[jmtorres]

im trying to figure out what i can eat now (not too much fat at one time because gallbladder yote, have been doing low fodmap and limiting lactose for a while and oh yeah i'm trying to stay kosher?) and i switched to skim milk and i have been munching on edamame packs but like overall i keep going what did i even eat before????

(pasta with white sauce: hmmm no. nachos: probably a bad idea. coconut curry: oooh that was a standby wasn't it? and yeah coconut is pretty fatty.)

it super duper sucks that i also have no appetite to speak of.

and i got some nut/seed bars (low fodmap equivalent of granola bars) to munch on through the day... just before my gallbladder made itself known. so now i'm looking at the label going mmhmm 40g serving.., 14g of fat. yeah that's probably more than i can handle in one sitting right now.

i'm living on the wild side having a sandwich containing both some smashed avocado (8g fat) and a slice of cheese (6g fat). (i will be eating this over multiple sittings, and it's mediated by sourdough bread, which is fat free.)

i used to make myself grilled cheese. four different cheese flavors plus the butter in the pan. pretty sure those days are over.

i have some preseasoned fishes i can bake with roast potatoes coming tomorrow. That'll get me through the week probably. (if i start looking closely at how much fat is in a serving of salmon, I may have to cry.)

i can't tell what's going on with my stomach literally i cannot interpret whether the signal is "eat more" (would make sense i've barely eaten at all today) or "stop immediately that's too much" (a gulp of water doesn't get that response but a bite of sandwich does. i've had like. 1/8 of a sandwich.)

i want ice cream SO bad and that's like the epitome of do not. I have been trying to eat intuitively but i feel like that's failing me. you can, technically, make ice "cream" with skim milk but i've been leaning to higher fat content for lower lactose for years and uh. now i can't. i guess i gotta make my own ice cream like i make my own yogurt.

why can't food be easy

[balkanradfem]

Mold adventures

So few days ago, I got so many mushrooms I decided to gift one day's haul to the plant lady; we've been out of contact for a bit, and a nice gift of 'full bag of porcini and a pretty parasol mushroom' felt like the right move to bring our friendship back together. I got her the mushrooms, and in return, she gave me a bag full of vegetables, which was amazing for me. My garden has been doing extremely poorly and it's the reason why I turned to the forest to get mushrooms; now mushrooms got me vegetables.

So I got two large saucy tomatoes, and I was excited to make a tomato sauce from them. However one of the tomatoes had a tiny little bit of mold on it. I knew it was harvested the day before and it looked absolutely perfect otherwise, it had like, the tiny tiny line of white stuff. But it was such a large tomato, so perfect, and in the season when I'm not getting any from my garden! So I cut off the mold, eat a few slices, it tastes amazing, so I put it right there in the sauce. Maybe it wasn't mold, and if it was, I'll know from the slices I ate.

I wake up at 1am with a stomach ache, and have to vomit. Poisoned by mold. Very sad. Have to throw away my tomato sauce. Have to eat crackers the next entire day. Continue being the 'frequently poisoned person'.

The next day, I'm trying to do some baking, and I grab my sourdough from the fridge, and for the first time, in 3 years since I've had it, it has mold on one side. And it's like, not a full container of sourdough, I scraped it all out and there was just maybe a spoonful left clinging to the container, and parts of it were dried, and I just, I'm too heartbroken to throw out my 3-year-old sourdough! That was like a child to me. I've been using it every week, I have no idea how it developed mold in the fridge.

So even though I've only recovered from being poisoned, I scoop out half a spoon of that stuff, part that was far away from the mold (and not really connected by wet stuff, though how can I really know that mold wouldn't travel thru plastic and air anyway) and I feed it and put it away to grow. I'm trying to plan now when I'm free to be temporarily poisoned, if I eat that stuff and get sick again. I have work tomorrow so I thought, maybe not today. But then I got hungry, and got a spoonful and made tortilla with it, and honestly I got a bit sick even while eating it, but I think that's my stomach just overreacting to weird textures. I've put a green tomato on that tortilla, that had to be upsetting. I didn't vomit tho!

I expect if my sourdough did grow mold inside, then I will wake up again to vomit tonight. I only ate a spoonful so I expect I'll be fine in 18 hours or so.

If I don't get sick, I get to keep my beloved sourdough that has served me exceptionally well, and I can keep baking with it forever.

All this and I still have not poisoned myself with a single weird mushroom, and I've tried plenty. Mold really is out there being a threat to my stomach. Mushrooms are good and safe.

[procalpal]

10 November 2024 | Sunday

Wake up: 9am

Breakfast

Banana yoghurt, matcha iced latte with soy milk (only half the drink) and a garlic shio pan (only one piece)(258c | 7g protein)

Snack

Protein bar (110c | 10g protein)

Lunch

Ham cheese and tomato toastie on sourdough bread and a small soy latte (520c | 30g protein)

Drink

Went on a walk and drank a Gatorade (7c | 0 protein)

Dinner

Tuna salad with 4 cruskits and a mango for dessert (352c | 24g protein)

Total C: 1217

Total protein: 71g

Thoughts: I did some more mindful eating. I didn’t weigh out my ingredients so this is more of an estimate. But I ate out with my sister today so I was mindful about what I ordered and made sure not eat all of it cause I don’t know what they put in the drinks or the food (extra sugars and oils) but other than that - I kept myself busy by cleaning and driving around. I’m really excited about the week coming, I bought new protein powder and some multivitamins so I hope it helps with some bloating and having more protein in my day to day life. I have also got a new round of salad and breakfast that I don’t normally have.