#and dont feel bad btw its very much not your fault others are being a little weird about it all

[certifiedsexed]

ah, oof — i was the one who sent that ask asking you to elaborate on misandry, and i 100% agree with what you said, i just had never had it explained like that before and found it really useful. thank you for that! but i’m so sorry that it’s led to you getting so much hate, that’s really awful. sending hugs<33

definitely not a requirement (i know this site really hates people with moral ocd sometimes, i’m not letting this be one of those times too), but… maybe, do some of the followers of this blog wanna share something you like about it, or appreciate about it? i think op’s amazing for running it and it’s definitely one of my favourite blogs on this site; i’d love for them to hear these kind of sentiments instead of hate.

i’ll go first: i love the effort you put into sourcing posts; i have post dates enabled and some of your posts go back over a decade. with tumblr’s bad search function, i can’t imagine how much time and care you take to source those, but i love that you do that, since it reintroduces them into the ‘posting ecosystem’ so that more people can read the advice in them:)

Oh, I'm glad it helped! You're welcome. 💚 And that's so kind of you, thank you. I'm not unused to hate online (perks of being Black and many other things lol) but it does get kinda frustrating sometimes, so I appreciate that.

😭😭 Aww, this' so sweet. It is incredibly hard to find the older posts so its actually weirdly nice to know someone notices and appreciates that, ty, Anon. That'll make my week. 💚 💕

(As Anon said, no one has to do the compliment thing, I just really wanted to post this because its so kind of Anon and I really appreciated it and wanted them to know.)

[niftukkun]

fanart for a scene in @nerdydowntherabbithole 's Taking Life As Is on AO3 !! a scene early on in the fanfic that sounded so cool it gripped me with inspiration, where a vulture swoops down and gets fucking got by a leviathan while our dear protagonists look on in horror of the beautiful brutality of mother nature happening right in front of them! dont you love it when you leave your rotting corpse behind and immediately get hit with the existential horror of almost dying and the primal fear of seeing something that much bigger than you and realising your fragility when you were once a godlike being above such lowly thoughts and struggles? anyway.

some details and thoughts !! :

-just before this scene, sugar (survivor's name in this fic) hunted and ate a salamander, so i included it in this here drawin too !! hell yeah esoteric fic-accurate details -(pro tip for any artists out there; if you want to push something into the background, gradient overlays are your friend. also, dont forget to check your values. outline your characters if they aren't popping out of the background enough) -in other, not fic-accurate detail,, moon's dress and marks. i think in the fic, moon's dress is more like,, an actual dress with sleeves and such. but also like, i do what i want and i want something thats barely a dress so i can show off my anatomy/mechanical bits art skills. i dont care if its not canon compliant im calling rule of cool -whoops i forgor the wires uhh shit nevermind it would cover the cool bits anyway whatever -also, while i am proud of the vulture and leviathan, they both used reference. like, i sketched them out yeah, but also the sketch was mostly done by staring at a reference the whole time and overlaying it on the canvas as needed when the drawing looked a little too off. so if you look at this and think 'aw man this guys too good at drawing i could never draw a vulture/leviathan/background/whateverthefuck like that' youre wrong. use references and get better at art by referencing references -shoutout to the miraheze wiki btw for supplying most of my references for this. fandom wiki could never

this fic holds a special place in my heart. like, i dont agree with it on a lot of things (how the cycle works, time between slugcat campaigns, how rot works, etc), but its very internally consistent and i like how all the characters are written. i really do like how, despite all the bickering, the iterators really do care for each other and love each other. i like that the blame isn't pushed just to pebbles, the acknowledgement of there being a lot of nuance and complications in the whole situation. i like the worldbuilding, nsh's wetland-esque biome, srs's gleaming glass beaches, the different interesting fauna/flora, slugcat society worldbuilding, the fucking trains hell yes trains.

most of all though, i love the authors dedication to getting a happy ending. no one left behind. all the iterators in the local group are getting freed (except for innocence but thats a different thing) all the slugcats are alive and doing well (even artificer's kids!!). and even though the fic throws the characters around, bad things happen, steps backward are taken,,, there is almost a palatable message that no matter what, things will be okay. artificer did bad and its acknowledged with visible consequences (scavenger temple route, which mightve made things so much easier on the route to nsh) but she still gets her kids back. hunter had her rot cured and even got some sick new upgrades but still struggles with overexertion and moments of weakness. both pebbles and moon have ptsd from the rot and the rain respectively and its handled reasonably well, not even mentioning the survivors guilt and learned helplessness on nsh and the whole,, guilt from causing this whole fiasco and the feeling of it being all their fault from srs,,,, , ,,,

i dont know. i just really like how dedicated the fic is to showing the realistic consequences of the unforgiving and brutal world of rain world and weaving it into a story of forgiveness and freedom. there are struggles but the heroes will still win and get to go home happy. its cathartic. i love it a lot.

[a-mel0n]

This stupid "Your Name" Bucktommy AU won't leave my brain, and while I don't have enough faith in my writing skills to actually write the damn thing (and it would be my first fanfic... ever?? and that's a project that seems a bit too big for me lmao), I DID write down what I'm picturing some of the "rules" Buck and Tommy have for each other while in the other's body. Mostly just for fun. (Because Tommy would be switching in 2006, the iPhone does not exist yet, so all of his notes are written in an actual physical journal. All of Buck's notes would be on the Notes app of his phone)

TOMMY: 1) Evan, stop running into burning buildings when you don’t have to while in my body. If I wake up in a hospital bed for the fifth time this month, I might actually lose it.

its part of the job to save as many ppl as possible. also u don’t even feel the pain when i get injured in ur body.

You’re right, I don’t. Unfortunately, the pain from having a wooden beam fall on you doesn't just magically go away when we swap. Just... be more careful? Please?

fine. i’ll try and keep ur hospital visits to a minimum.

2) Can you stop flirting with people on calls? Or at the very least give them your number and not mine? In the last week alone my contact list has nearly doubled because you keep giving people my number. 

dude its not my fault you’re more popular while i’m you. just think of it as me being ur wingman! how u dont have a girlfriend is beyond me btw. hot chicks love firefighters and ur a good looking dude

Jesus Christ, Evan. For the last time, I’m single by choice.

3) Don’t shower while in my body

already dont

4) Don’t go to the bathroom while in my body 

done

5) In fact, unless you’re at work, don’t change any of my clothes while in my body. 

fair

6) Do you really need to spend so much of my paychecks on cooking supplies? I have enough pots and pans already. 

whats the point of a pantry if its half empty. be thankful ur getting actual food now via my leftovers instead of the utter tragedy that was the state of ur fridge when we first started swapping places.

7) Don’t make a scene while at work. 

your boss sucks ass and his stupid orders are going to get people killed. im not gonna listen to him if hes making bad calls while lives are on the line

Evan.

8) Don’t pick up the phone when my dad calls.

got it

BUCK: 1) quit going to eddie’s basketball pickup games. he keeps inviting me while i’m in my own body and its getting harder and harder to come up with excuses as to why i can’t go. it's kinda awkward.

I thought you’d be more grateful, Evan. You’re the coolest guy on the court when I’m you. 

2) are you making movie references when ur me? bc chim keeps asking when i got so “cultured” and the other day maddie asked when i watched the princess bride. 

You haven’t seen the Princess Bride? I’m leaving you a surprise for tomorrow. Check your couch when you wake up. 

did you spend my OWN money on a dvd??? i don’t even own a dvd player. i own every streaming service imaginable.

3) keep the finger guns to a minimum?? idk why you do them so much but both hen and chim have said smth abt it

4) if u get a call from someone called connor or kameron on my phone just let it go to voicemail its personal stuff and i'll deal with it

Evan, you could have told me you agreed to be a sperm donor yourself. Finding out because Connor and Kameron showed up at the fire house was more of a shock than finding out over these memos would have been. 

they did what?????

5) don’t talk to my parents

Done.

6) No rule about undressing? 

dude idc. i’m not gonna stop you from taking a piss in my body if u need to. as long as you like. don’t have sex with someone while you’re me? oh wait hang on i DO have a rule about undressing

7) DON’T HAVE ANY RANDOM HOOK UPS IN MY BODY. 

Wasn’t planning on it, but good to know. 

[grantmentis]

(feel free to not publish this btw this is absolutely shit stirring) omfg im so glad someone else doesn’t like alex i find her journalism to be extremely lacking and she refuses to acknowledge any faults in the pwhl even when a mn sports writer that has CONSISTENTLY COVERED WOMENS SPORTS comes out with an opinion piece about the situation that i think a lot of fans agree with she argues about ethics of journalism and it’s like!! i don’t think everything ian kennedy says is gospel but this situation is so fishy!! and i hate it so much!!!

she is like, very clearly a mouth piece/PR Arm for the PWHL/PWHPA and gets information from them and won't be critical of them because then she'd lose her insider information

ian kennedy is like her narrative foil in that he basically gets most of his information from like two player agents he's friendly with and one or two former phf vets and does nothing to fact check what they tell him. which is also bad but it is kind of funny that him and alex do the same thing but for different "sides" and drive each other nuts lol. as for fans reading either of their stories that they break its mostly trying to pick out what i think has merit or understanding that there's probably some truth to something but it's incredibly one sided.

that said azzi annoys me more because 1) her league connections give her more power in this space 2) she apparently treats people even worse in person and was a nightmare at the isobel cup finals in florida 3) when the ice garden shutdown on sbnation she pissed everyone off by being like "your work sucked but i dont believe you should be out of a job :(" and never apologized and imo shes very lucky no one threw hands with her over that

[bil-daddy]

hi mr bildad um im just gonna dump this here since i have no one else to talk to

as someone who has always praised in their ability to be friends with anyone (i also need human interaction to survive btw) ive been feeling very lonely, especially since now are the school holidays.

my best friend (who is one year older than me) is barely online and doesn't take me seriously enough. and when i ask my friend group (with 2 other people my age) if they want to go out nothing happens. ive asked so many times but it's like they just don't want to hang out. and i keep seeing them post everywhere of them having fun with their OTHER friends (i don't know them bc they're from their primary schools; we are in secondary school now). and the obvious solution is to hang out with my primary school friends, right? well awesome news I DONT HAVE ANY.

and like ive just been feeling really really lonely especially today. i don't even text anyone except for my best friend, and even then she doesnt really respond properly because its like i dump a lot of messages and 4 hours later she skims through them, rinse and repeat.

(also side note i used to have another best friend but he ended up having a crush on me and didn't give me space so i kinda ended the friendship bc i wasn't comfortable with it)

during my entire TWO MONTH school holiday i haven't gone out with friends. not even once. while i see everyone else my age having so much fun and enjoying life while i just rot at home scrolling through tumblr.

so yeah im not really having a great time. hopefully when i get back to school in january things will be better

sorry for the long rant

Hey, kid (human). No need to apologize for the long rant. Actually, I've got a lot to say about this topic, too, so take a toilet break, grab a beverage and a snack, then sit down with your deal old Bildaddy (platonic, metaphorical) for a chat.

First off, sorry you're going through this. It hurts a lot when friends start fading away, and you realize they no longer consider you as close and you consider them. Feeling left out and like you don't have any real friends seriously sucks.

But it's actually something every single person goes through at some time or another--though most of us aren't brave enough to admit it like you have, because it feels embarrassing and shameful. Like there's something wrong with you.

There isn't.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Friends come and go, and 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you, or anything you've said or done. It isn't your fault. That doesn't mean it hurts any less, but it isn't your fault.

But that being said, I promise you, for every person you see pictures of having so much fun and enjoying life, there are twenty--probably even more--at home like you, scrolling tumblr, or tiktok, or reddit, or whatever the kids are scrolling these days.

And even those people you see posting pictures, that isn't their everyday life. They post pics of the good times, not the bad ones (well not usually) or the boring ones. Especially not the boring ones. I bet they do more sitting at home and scrolling than you think. They're just not advertising that for all their followers to see.

But that's not the point. The point is (dolphins! goats!) your current friends aren't fulfilling your need for socialization. And that means you need to find some new friends, anon.

You can still stay friends with your best friend and that old friend group. As in, don't send them a message officially ending the friendship, and don't delete and/or block them everywhere. You can still talk to them in school when you see them.

(Do unfollow them on social media if seeing them hang without you is upsetting--or better yet, pause on using social media entirely--except for tumblr, of course--until you're in a better place, mentally and emotionally. Bildaddy deleted instagram five years ago and never went back.)

But starting today, back off on asking these friends to hang out, and sending long text messages to your best friend that she only skims through. They're not matching your energy, so you need to start matching theirs. Either they'll notice the difference and start making more of an effort (no, not that kind), or they won't and they won't. But either way, you'll stop wasting your time.

Next, you take all the energy you were spending on your old friend group and start looking for new friends.

While you're still on winter break, there might not be as many opportunities, but there are some possibilities. Do you have any cousins around your age who might wanna hang out? Or maybe there are local events aimed at teenagers you can attend? Check libraries and community centers. Or on New Year's Eve, there might be some sort of Parents Night Out event you can volunteer for and help babysit a group of little kids, along with other teenagers that you could befriend?

Then, when winter break ends, look around your school for other students who might be in your same situation--and trust me there are others in your same situation. Is there someone who always sits alone at lunch? Or what about that kid in class who's too shy to speak up? Is there someone getting bullied or ostracized? Someone new to the school who hasn't made any friends yet? Look for the ones who might need a friend as much--or even more--than you do and try to befriend them.

It won't always work, no, cause nothing always works. But it will work sometimes. And you only need it to work enough times to make a couple friends. And if you make the right friend, they might have a friend group that you can join.

I know it's really scary to put yourself out there and make the first move. But you'd be surprised how receptive people are, especially the shy ones who are too scared to say 'hi' first, and rely on the braver ones, like you, for the human connection they need. Because we all need it. (Even me. Because I'm totally 100% human.)

Other ways to make friends are clubs, in school and out of school, which is probably what adults will suggest if you ask them, so I'm not going to spend much time on this. But they're right. If you're not already in clubs--academic, sports, art, books, music, anime, whatever your interest(s) is--join some! If there's nothing of interesting at your schools, churches and other local organizations might also have youth clubs and activities, too.

Shared interests in a sure way to make friends. I see it happening all the time on Tumblr. Those mutuals you wish didn't live so far away? Well, you can find mutuals just like them IRL! (Especially if you start or join a book club that reads Good Omens, or a tv show club that watches Good Omens)

Another option is getting a part-time job at a place other teenagers work. If this is something you can do without disrupting your schoolwork, try it. Fast food restaurants, cinemas, places like that.

You say you're someone who has the ability to be friends with anyone? Well, prove it! This isn't a threat, by the way. This is encouragement. I'm encouraging you.

Now go out there and make some friends, kid! I know you can do it! I believe in you, and everybody here is rooting for you.

And, as always, have an ox rib (platonic)

[sammyloomis]

2024 completions #1

part 2

back back back again!! gamers gamin'

06/12 update: posting this earlier than the new year because im gonna be rushed off my feet with work so i aint got time for gamin til late janurary :']

doing these is always fun and i know its mainly for myself fghj not sure many people even read these posts when i make em, but theyre fun to look back on!! in 2 parts cause i gamed too hard again smh smh

total games: 30

21/01 - Spider-Man 2 - 7/10

peter and miles return for double the spidey shit and double the big bads. why does anyone even live in this city anymore?? this sure was an insomniac spiderman game!!! like dont get me wrong, none of these games are Bad, theyre kinda middle of the road imo, but theyre still fun so ya cant fault em for that!! my main gripes with this game, as has been with the other 2, is just the overall story and dialogue being kinda boring. also, some of the side missions/collectibles stuff can be a bit of a pain BUT as i said, the combat is still very fun... tho mostly unchanged aside from some new abilities n gadgets

08/02 - Cozy Grove - 8/10

you are a spirit scout who has washed ashore of what seems to be a deserted island. except OOPS wait its not deserted, its haunted, and its YOUR job to help out the wayward souls stuck here into the afterlife if youre looking for a console version of animal crossing this is ur best bet imo!! tons of collectibles to find over the seasons, a bunch of decorations to spruce up the island, and a surprisingly rich story for each character u meet. this game covers some pretty heavy topics for how bright and cozy it looks, it was a pleasant surprise. my main gripes are how repetitive the quests are and how buggy it is; the game freezes a LOT and u have to restart the whole app multiple times just to get going some days. other than that, very fun and relaxing :]

22/02 - Frog Detective: The Entire Mystery - 10/10

you are frog detective, worlds number 2 best detective!! head off on 3 exciting cases and solve the Ultimate mystery - IS there a hat that can fit on frog detectives weird shaped head?? only time will tell im being dead serious about the 10/10 btw. this game is a collection of all 3 games in the series and theyre all super short, but super fun and cute and Funny. like genuinely. i love the low poly art style so much, i think the jokes are great, just the overall vibes are Brilliant, rly cant rec this enough :']

22/02 - Fran Bow - 8/10

fran bow follows the story of a young girl struggling with strange visions and evil entities i mean fran bow is a pretty iconic point n click horror game, idk what else to say abt it that hasnt been said already!! the art style is obviously a highlight, and the writing is iffy in some cases but surprisingly emotional a lot of the time for how messed up the visuals can get. theres a Lot of back and forth which can get a bit tedious, but the puzzles are pretty fun and overall its just a decent game imo

01/03 - Little Misfortune - 6/10

a young girl called misfortune goes on an adventure to find Eternal Happiness after a strange voice begins speaking to her inside her head the spiritual sequel to fran bow!! the vibes are similar for sure but something about this one didnt grab me the same as its predecessor. the character of misfortune can oscillate frequently between cute and annoying for me, as could the voice acting, but theres clearly a lot of heart in this one still :] the world didnt feel As fleshed out as fran bows but still a decent game

07/03 - Castle on the Coast - 7/10

you are a giraffe named george, washed ashore on an island with a castle (on the coast, if you can believe it). after meeting the residents, you gotta platform and collect ur way to the very top to help resolve some bad blood pretty cute n short platformer!! controls are kinda floaty/slippy and its very clearly meant for a younger audience, but its still pretty fun :] low poly art style is always a plus for me and i do always love a good platformer

09/03 - Yu-Gi-Oh! Master Duel - 9/10

the card game as you know and love it, now digital! i mean. its yugioh fghj if ur a new player its a great way to learn the basics and begin crafting some decks of ur own, if ur a returning player its a fun way to experiment with some new deck ideas and just play, and if u dont wanna play against other people online u can always just take it to a private match and duel there with ur friends :] the ui is sleek, yugioh itself is a fun game. honestly the only bad thing is the other players but u cant do much about that fghjk

15/03 - Yu-Gi-Oh! Legacy of the Duelist: Link Evolutions - 6/10

a single player yugioh game where you can duel through iconic scenes from the og anime and beyond kind of the unrefined, solo play version of master duel. its not as good imo, and master duel brought a lot of quality of life upgrades from this one, but if ur after a decent single player yugioh game this ones ur bag :'] this version has 6 different animes to chose from and u can play thru all of them, build ur own decks, etc etc. theres also an online mode but its pretty dead and if u wanna duel real people u might as well just use master duel

19/03 - Chasing Static - 5/10

having just buried his father, chris pulls over to a late night cafe after getting lost in the welsh countryside. while exploring the area, he finds a mysterious bunker and a voice over the radio pretty 'meh' horror game but i rly like the ps1 style graphics, always a plus for me. the actual plot and gameplay is fine, nothing too special, and its Extremely short, but not much else to say :']

20/03 - Steven Universe: Unleash the Light - 8/10

more gems are determined to disturb the peace of era 3 and its once again up to steven and the crystal gems to stop them another steven universe rpg!! apparently this is the 3rd in the trilogy, but the first one was never ported to ps so ive only ever played this one and 2 fghj BUT honestly?? these are rly good rpgs; the art style is gorgeous, the gameplay is fun, obviously the characters are cute too. its just a blast :] the Big Gripe is that its glitchy as hell fghjk you can get stuck in certain areas and be unable to move unless u exit the game, but i still highly recommend for su and rpg fans alike

28/03 - The Addams Family: Mansion Mayhem - 3/10

when a seedy businessman shows up on their doorstep looking to buy and demolish their house, the addams family have to scour the place of artefacts to prove their homes importance .....i mean. its. fine. its ur standard 3d platformer fare, nothing to write home about really. its one of those overpriced ip games that dont take long to beat at All. i only got it for the meme and cause it was on sale and like i say, not bad, but its just kinda meh. the "story" is boring and feels not very addams-y but at this point thats par for the fkn course for anything with their names on it fghj

31/03 - First Class Trouble - 1/10

its a shitty among us clone, and thats all i have to say about this mess this thing has been on my backlog for 2 years and i NEVER. thought id every finish it because its Literally just among us but not fun. all the trophies are online only and specific as Fuck. the only reason i did it is cause i unlocked One (1) trophy when it was free on ps plus with my mates and it was bugging the fuck outta me. so yuh. dont play fghj. p sure the servers are gonna die soon too

07/04 - Burnout Paradise: Remastered - 7/10

burnout paradise has you getting behind the wheel in one of the best racing/stunting/crashing games in the world. try not to wreck your car Too bad MAN. this bad boys been on my backlog for 3 years, holy shit. i bought it because i was nostalgic and i remember playing the original with my brother all the time, so it was defo an experience to go back :'] while it is a very fun game as a whole, it gets repetitive pretty quickly, even with all the new cars you unlock, and some of the online trophies can be a pain to get (2 specifically involving full lobbies) BUT cant deny its an entertaining time

27/04 - LEGO DC Super-Villains - 7/10

the justice league have gone missing and a new band of "heroes" have swept in to take their place. our titualar super villains arent too pleased about this standard lego game fare :'] if i had to pick, im certainly more of a dc fan simply for harley, and lego games are always fun collectathon type deals, so this wasnt half bad!! lego games humour is always a lil hit or miss, but these things are always aimed at younger audiences anyway so eh what can ya do

04/05 - Overwatch 2 - 5/10

one of the most famous fps shooter games out there, do i rly need to explain overwatch to you?? no your eyes do NOT deceive you, i did in fact 100% overwatch 2. not Completely on my own merit, i had the help of a boosting group, but still!!!! twas a journey :'] i never played overwatch in its heyday so i cant speak to how it Used to be, but from what ive played now its just... not rly for me. i like the characters a bunch, and the world/story building is interesting, but thats not rly the focus of the game itself tho i wish it was

07/05 - Control - 9/10

jesse faden inadvertently becomes the new director of the federal bureau of control aftering finding the previous one dead seemingly from a self inflicted gunshot. overtaken by entities called the Hiss, jesse fights to reclaim the Oldest House, while also searching for her long lost brother WHEW!! love this one holy SHIT. big big BIG scp vibes, the way this game handles its horror and aesthetic is brilliant and exactly my cup of tea. tbh i found the actual gameplay the least interesting part fghj i would've spent the whole time going around collecting files and reports just to read them if i could :'] that being said, combat and traversal feel Awesome, every new ability is so fun to use. great stuff!!

10/05 - Carrion - 9/10

you are an unholy, fleshy, offal abomination, free from ur confines within a secret underground facility. time to escape. and kill everyone on the way out :] honestly ive been wanting to play this for ages so im glad i finally could! just as fun as i expected, visually amazing i Love the pixel art style paired with this rly disgusting Thing ur controlling dfghj its incredibly satisfying to just grab people up and start ripping them to shreds. u unlock new abilities as u progress and encounter stronger enemies as u go, but the feeling of being some unstoppable force never rly goes away (positive). p short game, but very fun!!

13/05 - Coffee Talk 2: Hibiscus & Butterfly - 7/10

coffee talk 2 takes place a while after the first game, introducing a couple of new faces and reconnecting with old ones this games just p pleasant to play :'] like the first one, its a kind of a barrista/visual novel type deal where people come in and u make them drinks/listen to their stories/etc etc. the musics lovely, the arts p nice, but like the first one i feel like its all a bit surface level. i never Really feel like i connect with any of these characters, even the returning ones, but its still a pretty game and theres not much else to say about it fghj

18/05 - A Way Out - 5/10

two guys, brought together by a mutual goal, escape prison and begin a journey to exact revenge on the man who ruined their lives tbh i didnt actually finish this game since the plat pops Wayyy before the end and i already knew how it ended so... yeah fghj i only played this for a platinum bingo event im doing rn and needed a co-op game to do so here we are :'] that being said, its an interesting story with interesting mechanics!! defo fun to play with a friend if ur looking for a short impactful story to get thru together

23/05 - NORCO - 10/10

kay, finally coming home after her mother passes away from cancer, learns that she had been doing some investigating in the nearby swamps and begins trying to figure out what she was looking for a sci-fi southern gothic point-n-click game that BLEWWW me away dude. holy shit this story is so SO good, i loved every second of it. its such an interesting setting with worldbuilding to match, gorgeous art, haunting soundtrack AUGH cannot recommend this one enough

01/06 - Heavy Rain - 2/10

the origami killer kidnaps ethan mars' remaining son and he must go on a set of trials to get him back. and other stuff happens too i guess. bad. its just bad dfgh. lets try to start with a positive tho; the actual concept is pretty cool and the mystery/crime stuff is alright, but the writing and characters are fkn boring and annoying and gross. i hated ethan as a main character, i thought he was so annoying, the plot twist makes no sense, and all the female characters are so clearly written by a man who hates women. yuck.

01/07 - Pesterquest - 10/10

you're a lean, mean, friend making machine and the ceasless call of platonic relations beckons you even now!!! time to befriend some regular degular teens (and aliens) okay so HUGE preface on this game you kinda.... Have to have read homestuck to understand literally any of it. im a homestuck fan, and ive never read the epiloges or the "sequel" and even I was lost on some points, but REGARDLESS i fkn loved this so much. its just ur run-of-the-mill visual novel, but i genuinly had such a fun time revisiting these characters and seeing them again that i dont even care dfghj and great art too!!

04/07 - Hiveswap Friendsim - 7/10

you have just crash landed on a strange alien planet. your bones are broken, you're lost and alone, you're hungry and thirsty. only one thing can save you now... FRIENDSHIP!!!! so i think i was supposed to play this one before pesterquest dfghj but i got too excited to see characters i already knew again :'] ANYWAY this game acts as a little introduction to some characters you can meet in the ill-fated homestuck point and click adventure game, hiveswap. while i didnt find this one as engaging as pesterquest, it was still an interesting insight into alternian life!! which im all about. i doubt it ever will, but i wonder if they'll ever port hiveswap to console... a man can dream

09/07 - Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney Trilogy - 5/10

apollo justice, an up-and-coming defence attorney, begins his journey at the wright anything agency so i wanna start with a good thing off the bat because my opinion of this collection kinda plummeted towards the end. i rly like the 3d models, i think they capture the same level of character that the og 2d ones did and add new dimensions to everyone. everything else tho... hh idk man, i just rly didnt vibe with these at all, which sucks. i feel like it was just ret con after ret con after character assassination. big L tbh

23/07 - Grotto - 8/10

in the middle of the woods, in the heart of a mountain, lives a soothsayer. a startamer. using the constellations, you must provide the people who visit you with answers to their most pressing questions the art style of this game kinda drew me in, and the story ended up surprising me with how dark and interesting it is!! you end up making a lot of descisions that seem to have no good options, or giving people an answer that they end up misinterpreting for the worse due to ur limited options. for playing such a limited perspective, you get such a clear, vivid picture of whats happening outside your little cave. really interesting stuff

27/07 - Broken Age - 8/10

vella and shay are two teenagers with seemingly totally unrelated lives. they long for change, for freedom, and to do that they must break the traditions forced onto them from birth a point-n-click adventure with a surprisingly star studded cast!! and i didnt even know this was made by the same people who made psychonauts until i started it up :'] which means the art and humour were brilliant! honestly super fun, engaging characters and fun puzzles, and the way these two finally converge was honestly so brilliantly done, i did Not expect it at all

31/07 - Horizon Zero Dawn - 9/10

aloy grew up an outcast her whole life and its only when her past comes knocking does she finally begin to get some answers to her life long questions. also theres a bunch of huge killer robots :] this ones been on my backlog for so damn long, im so happy i finally got around to finishing it!! the combat in this is so addicting, i played it for like a week straight going for all the side quests n upgrades n such. the story was fkn brilliant, i feel like it balanced the the sci-fi elements really well with all the more fantasy stuff, and theres even some horror aspects that i really enjoyed!! im docking a point for glinthawks tho. FUCK glinthawks.

06/08 - Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective - 8/10

a man wakes up in a junkyard about to watch a woman get shot by an assassin. he has to help her but theres only one problem: hes dead. using his new ghostly powers, "sissel" must discover the truth behind his death and the strange events taking place tonight, before he disappears forever a game that id been super excited to play for how much it was hyped up by literally everyone i mentioned it to :'] the mechanics are simple but super satisfying, very rube goldberg machine, and the story is a tantalising mystery that unfolds at a great pace with plot twists and reveals happening at just the right moments to keep you engaged

10/08 - Cat Quest 3 - 9/10

the third installment of the cat quest rpg games takes on the open ocean, as our main lil cat buddy and their ghostly guide search the purribean for the north star treasure!! listen, i fkn Loveeeee the cat quest games and i recommend them to anyone who will listen and i mean that from the bottom of my heart. this one continues the trend of fun combat, an excessive amount of cat puns, and a surprisingly in-depth story that carried over from previous games. my big gripe is that this game is short as hell and it feels like even outside the story, there isnt as much to do as there is in the past games. still incredibly fun :]

27/11 - Bioshock: Remastered - 7/10

after your plane crashes in the middle of the ocean, you wind up in an underwater city called rapture where things seem to have gone completely tits up the gamer is back after 3 months with a game almost 4 years in the making on my backlog :'] not sure if this'll be the last game i have the time to complete this year but hopefully i got time for one more at least!! so theres a reason it took me so long to finish this one, its just cause it never rly clicked with me :[ which sucks cause its a rly cool premise with a ooky spooky atmosphere which is totally my vibe. ive been adamant i wouldnt play the rest (mainly because i thought the remasters would have the online trophies but, to my surprise, they dont) so time will tell if i keep on goin with this series

[slut4thebroken]

Hey same anon that was talking abt your speech👋

Im not saying its your fault that people pick on you, its definitely not your fault that they're assholes. However you said your tone was the main issue for this and I still think that that is something that's controllable. Again not saying this like it excuses them cuz it doesn't but im saying while adhd isn't something you can control, things like tone can be controlled.

And I wasn't saying all this so that you could accommodate for people, I was coming from the perspective that you could accommodate for yourself. Like this whole situation with the mean classmates, im a firm believer in saying something so they dont feel like they can continue to display their bad behaviors. (Side note: I understand masking is telling you to basically copy these people but the people you're copying are rude so im not blaming you)

But my advice wasn't that you mask. I have a husband who suffers the same as you and he used to mask with me and pretty much everyone in his life. I understand masking isn't ideal and I understand that you guys think about every little social interaction. My advice was to be comfortable with yourself but also look more inward and think that maybe you are rude during those interactions. Obviously I don't follow you around everywhere so idk how these things go. But from what I've seen from my husband is being comfortable with yourself and communicating things thru does wonders for both parties to understand each other and being comfortable with yourself id say limits the masking.

Also I figured id give you an explanation on why I thought you were rude since you were confused. I understand you were self hating in the moment but things that came off as rude and like you resent people were things like your tags when you said "so they should know by now that I cant fucking control it and thats how I talk" (which I totally understand this my husband was a jerk when we met too. The issue socially is probably youre too literal. Its not an easy fix but it is fixable from experience but saying things like "I can't control it" is very limiting towards yourself.) The reason this is rude is bc its rude to you obvi but also in your mind it seems like you kind of subconsciously expect people to just tolerate these things when they are not normal to "normal people" (you can educate me on the correct term btw cuz I honestly hate saying normal ppl I just can't think of what the correct term is called at the moment, im not hating)

You also made assumptions that people immediately get annoyed with you or think you're annoying and there was something you said abt people not feeling the same as you abt certain things you like. 1. Making assumptions abt how people feel abt you is always iffy cuz you just came up with that answer yourself you didn't ask them. It kinda shows how you view people or what you think they think which is most likely not the case. 2. For the not liking similar things, im not sure if these people don't have similar interests with you at all or what but a lot of times in life its not gonna be common to find someone with the same amount of interest in something as you do. Not saying its impossible tho I just wouldn't put that pressure on people. Them being fake however is a different thing but I wouldn't know if they were being fake with you or not. There's a lot of gaps with this because we don't know each other but im not trying to be mean or hateful and im not saying all this like its definite, you could take it or leave it. But I hope there's no hard feelings i just 1. Mainly wasnt okay with how you were talking to yourself but 2. I also did think you were being a bit rude to just people in general cuz ive been there myself. Obviously were different people and im not saying our situations are similar at all but how I took it was that while you hate these things abt yourself, you were also blaming people for things that are (whether we agree or not) in your control. But I could be totally wrong and thats okay.

I hope this didn't come off as rude tho cuz I dont intend for it to be but if it was im sorry. Its not often but sometimes I see things I have the full intention of just being helpful but I end up being the opposite. I do genuinely hope that these issues don't continue to bother you up mentally tho. (Also sorry that these have all been lengthy).

Please enlighten me on how that’s controlable. If you were talking nicely to other people, just trying to engage in conversation and be a good friend, and people constantly said that to you, what would you do? If you’re already consciously trying to sound nice. What else is there to do?

And I was comfortable with myself. My parents stopped saying I have an attitude when I was just talking a long time ago, none of my long term friends have ever made it seem like something that was a huge problem, even my ex understood that I literally just sound like that. But now I’m constantly reevaluating every interaction, trying to figure out if I actually sounded rude or if I just thought I did, or if maybe they reacted a certain way because my tone didn’t match what I was trying to say. And I’m fucking tired. I don’t know what else I should do when I’m already intentionally trying to not sound rude other than just not fucking talk at all lmao which I just realized that I’ve lowkey started doing.

And I am too literal… that’s why I don’t pick up on things like I mentioned in my original post. There’s nothing I can do to train myself to not be literal so I’m not exactly sure how I would fix that. The term is neurotypical and I’m not saying they should tolerate it but when I quite literally apologize and correct my tone immediately after saying something that could be seen as rude, I personally think it’s a dick move to continue to be mean about it rather than just say “thanks for the apology. Good to know.” And I appreciate when people tell me that something I said sounded off because then we can fix the miscommunication and also I don’t want anyone to think I don’t like them because of that one interaction. But after having this conversation (“wtf. You don’t have to be so mean about it.” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be mean. I meant it like this__.”) so many times, I don’t understand why they would continue to respond like that. Some people have started saying stuff along the lines of “lmao girl that did not sound how you wanted it to” and I apologize again every time.

As for the making assumptions part, clearly you don’t know what it’s like to just be able to tell that someone doesn’t like you lol. I’ve delt with that my whole life (as have most neurodivergent people), I’m rarely wrong about that stuff for myself personally. And I understand that people have different interests… that’s not what I was saying. What I was saying was I don’t like how I’ll get excited about something and start talking about it cause I get riled up and then I realize that I’m talking a lot and that they don’t care. I’m not good at stopping that before it starts and the only reason I put that in the original post is because I literally did it earlier that day lmao.

It did come off as rude and it actually really hurt my feelings. In the future, maybe ask if someone wants help rather than giving unsolicited advice about a situation you barely know anything about. Never in my original post did I ask for advice, I was literally just venting after having a really rough day. And while I appreciate that it was your intention to help, you should just be more thoughtful moving forward.

[coastxlwaters]

*cough* hullo i hope this isnt a strange or rude thing to say- but as like. a person from the side of sams who likes to ship things, i very much love and appreciate how kind you are!!! some people who dont like to ship things (which is 1000% okay btw, we all have our preferences) are. very big on harassment (and so are some people who *do* ship things, to be fair), but you are just. a nice person!!! ive seen you advocate to leave shippers alone and to not harass them, and that you should just block people you dont agree w instead of pestering them. and i thank you for that a whole lot, sincerely!!!

okay thats it buh bye

-bird

You just made my day, its not weird! I love to get these kinds of things, and yes im against harassing others for their own preferences. I do not like to make my blog about this stuff, and i do follow many shippers! Their art is super cool, and i just avoid the shipping parts they make. I mean, im not a romantic shipper (other than solruin) but i do have a QPR ship of dark sun/solstice x eclipse. I have lost many, many followers and mutuals from that and i dont want other people to have that feeling of dread or sadness when they watch their follower count go down or be blocked by sm they would once call their friend. It really does hurt even if you understand the reason why.

I do draw the line of shipping when it comes to minor x adult though, so i am not some amazing person who has the ability to forgive everything. I appreciate that i have had several asks like this that have made it seem like that, but i am not that great of a person.

I also think there are some that do not ship that go and harass others that dont ship under the disguise of being sm who does ship so it throws more hatred to the ones who do ship and enjoy that. I think that as i have seen it happen many times IRL and in other fandoms. Its a way to make the other side look bad, it usually works.

Im not saying that shippers do not harass, as i have seen some that do, but i am saying both sides are in the fault here.

Im adding this here:

Do. Not. Hate. The. Show. For. Disliking. Some. Ships.

They are real people who also have boundaries and preferences, we understand that yall ship the characters and not the VAs (i mean, some have done that and you really shouldnt do that) but think of it like this.

You and your sibling/close friend (just sm who you dont feel romantic attraction to) make ocs, you post them online. Then people start shipping them. You would get uncomfortable, right? Since a part of your brain is thinking: “but me and my (non romantic partner) dont like eachother like that, but now yall are making this stuff and making us uncomfortable.“

Ofc i feel as if the VA’s could have handled some things better, but we are all human and make mistakes. Just dont bring them into this. So tag your stuff correctly, do not harass, and enjoy the stuff that you enjoy and ignore the stuff you dont. Thats what you call basic human decency, you can be mad at them all you want in your head as long as you dont say it.

Sorry for the long rant, but i cant reblog stuff like this due to being blocked by people who do say stuff like this so i wanted to get this out and on my blog. And i swear to god do not go annoy or harass the people who do say this stuff and saying “why did u block this person!“ they have their reasons for blocking me and others and we should respect them. I have seen people who do this and i dont like it. So dont go harass another person for blocking sm you may think is nice. For all you know i could be a bitch and asshole irl and they know me irl and thats why they blocked me.

Dont harass or get angry at sm until you can see it from their point of view. Since you dont know what they are seeing that you are not.

(but this ask did make my day! Im literally so happy rn cause i try to practice what i preach but smt i feel like i fail or do the wrong thing that makes me look like a hypocrite!!)

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: cocsa, incest, SA

I don't remember much when I was much but I remember I did get groped by my brother around 10. Before that I used to get chronic uits as a child, I came across corn early on, I saw things around the house and on the computer and we both used to watch it. I've had dreams now as an adult that we engaged in certain stuff sexually but I don't seem to remember. I had a lot of inappropriate behaviour as a child and instead of asking I just got shamed for it and looked down upon, I even did things with my other brother which I ended up remembering and I feel so guilty. But with my older brother I felt way more attachment than normal, even jealousy which i found odd.

I had his laptop once and I was trying to find my file and ended up coming across his porn, it was full of step sis and sis content which shocked me after having those dreams, what I found even shocking was how similar the girls would look to me..

After that i remembered I ended up getting weirdly turned on and hyper, I felt like spiral for 3 days straight.

I also got sa at 11 by my neighbour. Theu didn't know, During this time I was acting inappropriate and my parents shamed me for it and said I'm disgusting, it was just me and a friend during school drawing and writing dicks n stuff. They banned me from watching my favourite shows because of it.

Another thing I had a dream of my dad, just once. I dont remember anything but when I was 14, I went to put food on table and he spanked my ass, so harshly. I do have a big ass and idk It felt really disgusting bc it wasn't gentle but it wasn't even a good touch in my head, just bad. Since then I feel awkward around him, he's commented a few times on me and my body. I know he has a thing for girls around my age bc he got obsessed once with this one in a show and yeah its wasn't nice but she's literally my age... I found he searched explicit scenes or pics of her once. Idk if he ever did anything with me bc I don't remember anything. But when he takes pics of me I do feel uncomfortable, because I know he's a perv and idk maybe he's thinking thoughts like that with me? I even tell him to delete and he never does.

I remember around 20 we had an argument over clothes, apparently i can't even wear simple things because of my body 🙃 and they mentioned well people will look and an uncle had commented on my body at 14. Saying how I'm pretty thick and how my body shows... I was covered btw because it was during a wedding. What my parents did instead of blame me, as I've always gotten blamed. To the point, I feel like I'm so disgusting and shameful. I hate how I get turned on when I shouldn't be, me getting hyper.

I just feel gaslight half of the time and what makes it worse is when it was during the school when me and a friend was writing about a male teacher as jokes, my mom switched up like 3 years ago saying I'm disgusting because I wrote that stuff about my own dad! Wtf! I can't believe she would even say that to me bc I'm very well aware of what is being wrote. I'm not even kidding when I say shes probably jealous of me at this point.

No one cared or bothered to know why I was acting like that at young, when I spoke sexual things n what not, what I came across, instead I get shamed, its my fault and I'm a horrible person. I hate how I always had to do something sexual in order to feel a release.

Hi anon.

I'm so sorry about what you went through.

It sounds like not only your brother but both your parents held attitudes that enabled sexual abuse, through victim-blaming, gaslighting, and excusing each other's behavior. It's possible that there may be a history of that, as they seem to normalize that kind of behavior.

It sounds like, as a result of your experiences, you may have developed what is known as hypersexuality, which for you has stirred up a lot of feelings of shame and disgust. Please know that it's quite common for assault survivors to experience hypersexuality.

None of what happened is your fault. You're not a horrible person. You're a survivor.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[nonbinary-sticks-the-badger]

heres my epiphany about being an evil sicko heterophobe who wants to disrupt the status quo and make your kids gay /j

over the past few months ive noticed ive been becoming increasingly more averse to straight/heteronormative ships. ik it isnt the end of the world and like. straight people arent oppressed for anything queer people arent also oppressed for. but its been bugging me because while heterophobia is such a non-problem that i was hesitant to even type out the word, simply reversing the roles doesnt really make it any better unless its for a hypothetical scenario. whatever you have to say about it, an aversion to a perfectly fine relationship just because its straight isn't necessarily the worst evil in the world but at the same time thats still a bad thing

and i mean for a little bit i was able to shut that part of me up! when done right, i honestly love sonamy. its just such a pleasant little ship. and also now ive got the tag blocked and consider myself a sonamy anti. ik it sounds really silly. "oh boo hoo, you don't ship the cartoon hedgehogs, whatever." and it is really silly. but its not just that. literally every other straight ship i like is either because the characters look good together/have interesting aesthetic combos (eg shadamy) OR i actually like the relationship but i cant bring myself to love it like other ships

again, not liking a straight ship isn't the be all and end all of everything, but i think back to this sonamy comic i saw months ago that i HATED. this morning i pictured amy as one of the guys in sonic and it was fine. i pictured sonic as one of the girls and it was fine. like i dont care if its not a serious problem, i dont wanna be like that.

and then i think about other ships im a fan of. i like a lot of straight mario ships, for example, so long as its not rosalina with a guy or waluigi with a woman. but then i remember WHY i like those ships. my favourite straight ship of all time is probably luaisy. theyre a really cute couple and i love them to bits!!! and then i remember i h/c them both as bi and trans, specifically t4t as well. this extends to other ships too. in fact, i love LOADS of straight pairings, so long as theyre actually not romantic and queerplatonic instead. put simply, i feel a need for some hint of queerness in EVERY ship.

and so i wondered why. why do i care? why do i have irrational hatred for a fictional boy and girl kissing if it isnt exactly how i like it? and then i thought back to when i didnt even slightly have that hatred and connected any two characters who i thought might possibly have something appealing out of a relationship. it was probably year 9, a few years ago. so what was the difference?

my friends.

back in year 9, i was surrounded by queer people, offline, online, real and fictional. now, however, a lot of them have realised theyre straight or drifted apart. its not their fault, thats just who they are and im glad theyre happy. as for the friends who drifted apart, theres not much i can do. but the only close queer friends i have who i have actually met in person are 1) my cousin who lives on the other side of the country and 2) the people who i see in summer school. summer school is 1 week a year btw.

obviously i dont lack queer friends. ive got loads online. but people arent kidding when they say your life will be vastly improved by being in physical queer spaces. my town's too small to organise any real pride events, so i cant really find new queer friends NEARBY very easily. i love my online friends, i really do, but even if we video called every day, it can never quite get on the same level as being in the same room as your friend. in other words, i feel slightly isolated when it comes to being queer. i guess thats why im looking forward to sixth form so much: i DESPERATELY want to meet someone more like me. not just in being queer, but being queer is a great place to start

so, if that does happen, maybe ill stop being like this and calm the hell down. i really hope i do because its genuinely annoying when you have an irrational aversion to something completely fine

im really tired but i literally just had an epiphany hold on

[kagejima]

This isn't what Kisa and I were talking about btw, that is on its way (not meant to sound ominous at all). This is just a stupid thought I had while walking my dog.

I feel like playing co-gender volleyball with boyfriend!Ushijima and boyfriend!Bokuto would be two very different experiences. Toshi would never let you touch the ball. Knowing how hard his friends spike, he'd work double hard to make sure you don't get hurt and that your team still wins. He knows that he can't get all of the balls, but when he sees you shake out your arms after bumping a powerful receive, the look that he would send the other team would make them dread the next time he was set to serve. On the other hand, Bo would be yelling at you to go for every ball that comes remotely your way. When you feel bad for bringing the team down, he'd get the rest of the team to hype you up and Aakashi can't help but laugh at how the tables have turned.

Wendy: Ohhh, just a silly little thought while walking my dog!

Also Wendy: *proceeds to send me brilliant fully fleshed out idea that she definitely needs to turn into a fic bc i'd devour it immediately*

also im gonna have a talk with you later bc you told me you didnt write and i went on your page and found you have like seventeen things written, i feel betrayed and will read them all soon and devour them like the little gremlin i am bc your writing is perfect and lovely just like you!!!!!!!!!!

FDHJAHASH OKAY BUT YOU ARE SO CORRECT :( more thoughts under the cut

this is actually part of my birthday fic a little bit hehuehehe. well, not exactly this, but ushi teaching her how to play volleyball :) .......nvm, it's not like this at all bc ushi teaching her how to play volleyball is so obvious FAJDFHAJSK im running on iced tea and goldfish rn

Toshi would ABSOLUTELY be getting every ball he possibly could to make sure you didn't have to do anything. You're his precious little one, his lil angel, his baby. He knows all the pain that comes with volleyball and he will be DAMNED if you're going to also feel that pain.

You would notice he was trying to protect you like the perfect prince he is, and you'd be like "Toshi, I can get the ball. Let me get it!" and he would SOOOOO EXTREMELY HESITANTLY stand back and let you receive it, and the serve was HARSH so now your arms hurt :(

the other team might as well have turned to ash with the way Toshi glared at them. but he doesn't want you to SEE he's glaring at them,,,, because he's working on being more smiley and emotional for you and you alone

(you had teased him and said 'do you even know how to smile, toshi?' and when he did try to smile big it was very endearing but very awkward looking and you started crying from laughing so hard)

anyways he only glares at them when you've switched out and you're not on the court anymore and you're taking a little water break, and in the .002 seconds he has of you turned around, the whole other team wishes they were dead. they just wanna forfeit the whole game so they dont gotta deal with whatever wrath they're about to face from him fahdjfhasjklfads Toshi just wants to protect his lil angel

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm bokuto on the other hand.......... your biggest hype man. For literally everything.

You're brushing your teeth in the morning? He's hyping you up. You're eating breakfast? He's hyping you up. You're doing a chore? He's hyping you up. He's like your own personal cheer section. He's all of the cheerleaders and fans and noise makers and poster board signs all in one person.

so obviously this carries into volleyball. of course, HE is getting balls too, but he's so PROUD of you that you are also playing the sport he loves so much and getting better at it every day, so he's encouraging you to go for every ball that comes to you, he's hyping you up so hard just like he does at home and when the other team gets a point and its TECHNICALLY your fault, he's squeezing you into a bear hug and telling you its fine and that you'll get the next one and he gives you little kissies on your cheekies to make you feel better

and you're like "bo, come on, you cant do that here..." all embarrassed BUT HE JUST GIVES YOU MORE KISSIES BC THATS WHO HE IS, BABY, HE CANT HELP IT

and when your team wins, he's the reason for the winning point but with the way he's like crushing you when he picks you up and bounces you up and down in the air its like you made the point yourself and he's telling you how proud he is of you and how great of a job you did and how much he loves YOUUUUU IM SO SOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTT wendy you beautiful lil thing your ideas are always so good

EVERYBODY GO FOLLOW WENDY! YOU WONT REGRET IT :(

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[muwur]

Since requests were open I was wondering if I could request father headcanons for iwai + ushi + atsumu 🥺 btw your writing is vv tasty n I can’t wait to see you write more !! Keep up the good work n stay safe !!

haikyuu daddee headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for iwaizumi, ushijima, and atsumu

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.4k words

a/n: omg u called my writing taSTY Dx i cri tySM 💞 that is a high compliment for me AHAHAHAH ILY and ty for the request! 

also my lovelies i m back i m sry i was gone so long feojfe i miss yall <3 here u go enjoi, this was fun to write lmk if yall want more characetrs AHAHA

current listen: accidentally in love by sHREK AAHAH jkjk i mean counting crows, they cant take that away from me by ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong, love the way you lie by eminem and rihanna

requests: open!

iwaizumi

✧ prePARED daddy

✧ picked up on this parenting thing p fast, also does a lot of research so he’s ready to face any situation

✧ teaches his kids how to behave n respect others

✧ also makes sure they know not to talk to strangers and teaches them some self defense

✧ be warned these kids are packing a surprise can of whOOP ASS,, dont fuck w them,, plus u wouldnt want buff daddee iwa on ur tail

✧ honestly his kids would be ANGELS ,,, n thats cuz he treats them all so w e l l

✧ mans is ATTENTIVE. he asks his kids about their days, their interests, and encourages discussion about their fEELINGS 🥺

✧ always offers them really valuable and light-hearted advice

✧ and gives them the love and transparency we all wanted but never had--

✧ however his kids are easily (n negatively) influenced esp when uncle oikawa comes to visit--

✧ but mostly bc iwa gets annoyed and slips out a lot of curse words and a “shittykawa” and then his kids started calling oikawa that and now it’s ingrained in them forever fjoefefgfvi (*distant phlattykawa crying noises*)

✧ gives them LOTS of head pats and ruffles as signs of affection

✧ PACKS THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES and ensures they eat a balanced meal

✧ attends all their games/events,, will get a bit rowdy hype them up

✧ def lets his kids sleep with him when they’re having a bad night or woke up scared from a nightmare (and waits for them to fall asleep before going to sleep himself fojref)

✧ when they were babies he usually succeeded to get them to stop crying by pulling funny faces, showing them their favorite cartoons, or humming a lullaby

✧ when they get older,,, u bet iwa would be suPER protective esp when their kids start being iNtErEsTeD in other people

✧ you: “iwaizumi, they seem like a really nice kid, though”

✧ iwa: *sitting with you in the car, across the street from the ice cream parlor your child said they were at, and spying from the window* “you can’t trust everyone, of course they seem ‘nice,’ they just want our approval”

✧ definitely did not interrupt his child’s potential first kiss at their house’s doorstep by slamMINg the door open “sUDDENLY” cuz he “hEard TheIR vOicEs and THougHt TO lET them In”

✧ effectively traumatized both kids

✧ tho he felt bad after n u made him go apologize so he did (and he was forgiven, only if he agreed to never spy on them again--)

✧ doesn’t stop him from scrutinizing every person yalls kid introduces to you tho

✧ overall a super supportive dad, 11/10

ushijima

✧ ok dEF does not know much about parenting ,, at first

✧ stared at his child like ???nani when you both changed their first diaper

✧ also had plenty of staring contests with his babies ,,, called it bonding

✧ was curious and tasted baby food once,,, immediately regretted it

✧ once put a volleyball next to his child, who attempted to bite it, and took it as a sign that they liked it

✧ after sum time n practice, his mind becomes split between “how to volleyball” and “how to dad”

✧ catch him in the kitchen wearing an apron and whipping up his kids’ favorite smiley face pancakes 😤😤

✧ has an amazing ability to get his kids to stop crying, does really simple things like give them their favorite toy or place a gentle hand on their hand or attend to their needs (mans can tell if they want food or needa poop) and they calm down immediately

✧ carried them on his shoulders once and now they never stop asking him for shoulder rides (not that he minds anyway)

✧ if theres two kids he can probs carry one on each shoulder cuz cmon ,,, have u seen this man

✧ always goes to every performance/game/event his child takes part in

✧ man smiles so soft™ when he goes to the 1st grade play and sees his kid’s name in the program next to their role as “townsperson b” (next year, they upgraded to “singing carrot” in a play about the food pyramid)

✧ if his kid ends up enjoying volleyball, he will teach them e v e r y t h i n g they need to know

✧ but is overall super supportive of anything else his child pursues and doesn’t push anything onto them, would rather let them choose what they want to do

✧ had n o idea what to do when his kid asked him about the birds n the bees asfghkl

✧ couldnt sleep one night thinking about it and just randomly asks you while yall laying in bed in the dARk like “so our child asked me how babies are made and I told them they came from watermelon seeds” (you: 👁️👄👁️ “come again”)

✧ you: *at the grocery store with your child*

✧ child: *hands you watermelon* “I want a little brother!”

✧ you: “haha of course honey” 👁️👄👁️ what do i do (*later to ushijima* “duhfojhguf we needa get another baby i promised our child a younger brother fohurof” ; ushi: “wat” ; you: “itS YOUR FAULT”)

✧ yall eventually tell them not every watermelon can produce babies only really special ones that are really hard to get fhuoefkfotfi theyre not ready for the truth

✧ another great daddee, we stan

atsumu

✧ knew parenting was stressful esp with bABieS but was like eh it cant be that bad right

✧ think again

✧ g o o d b y e  s l e e p

✧ develops phat bags under his eyes, responds with a weak “aha im fine just that parenting life and the kids ykNOW” whenever his teammates ask if he’s oKAY

✧ tried to tempt his kids to eat their mush baby food by trying it himself, nearly gagged but was able to say “eughh yuMM”

✧ loves to lift them high up in the air, even throws them up a little and nearly drops them (yall almost died from feAR but babie was having so much fun,,, yall agreed to be just a bit more careful)

✧ rlly bad at getting them to stop crying, gets very stressed when he’s exhausted every option he can think of then calls you over for some help/advice (you: *immediately calms them down* ; ratsumu: “how--”)

✧ calls up osamu a lot to ask him how to make food ,, then simps whenever his twin brother comes over and the kids are in love with this man and his cooking (”dad why cant you make stuff as yummy as this”)

✧ very affectionate with his kids, gives them lots of hugs and kisses on the forehead

✧ plays with them a lot! whether it’s sports, just dance, animal crossing, or UNO, yOU NAME IT WE PLAY IT

✧ also has no mercy when playing competitive video or board games,, has made them cry more than once LOL

✧ so sometimes he toned it down n let them win,, until his kids actually got better and DEMOLISH him every time

✧ is cool with his kids cursing, just as long as they don’t do it in front of their teachers LMAO

✧ plays innocent when he gets a call from school saying his kid was using ‘inappropriate language’ and is like “whaaat? my child? im not even sure where they learned that, maybe check if the other kids in class are saying those things, too--”

✧ reminisces how much nicer his kids were to him when they were younger and all the time they spent together,,, bc now that they reached their tEeNS they want alone time

✧ wants to be B) cool dad so he tries kinda hard, esp in front of their friends but his kid’s just like dad pls dofjrgjigtgro

✧ also very supportive of whatever his kids want to pursue and dedicates time to help them in whatever ways he can (whether that be to help them practice, make sure he can provide transportation, get them supplies, etc)

✧ always playfully competing with you to see who’s the “better” parent (you win by default)

✧ PROTECTIVE dad and will easily intimidate ANYONE who crosses his kids

✧ takes sum adjustment and mental resilience but daddee atsumu perseveres  😤 absolutely loves his kids and would do anything for them  

[zatyrlucy]

Darling I'm so happy of your come-out. You're great and wholesome. What else can I say besides "welcome in the queer gang kiddo"? I'm just so happy and proud of you. When someone is coming out it always makes my day and especialy when it's person I very like. I know it can be a drag being not straight in religious country (I'm ace so it's more like "Oh you wanna be special" so I don't fully know how bad it is). Also I'm so happy you have soulmate what accept you. European fan

D'AWWWWWWWWW thank you my dear

Yeah in my country couples of the same sex are bullied a lot, to the point that they can even get in trouble with the police just for kissing in public. Its hard to believe that a lesbian won for mayor in the capital, but at least thats a sign that colombia perhaps is not drowning entirely in homophobia.

I remember being very gay and tomboyish when I was little. Having little crushes on girls and even dressing like a boy from time to time haha telling my parents that 'today I feel like a boy'. I remember that clearly because my mother and aunts used to look at me with such terrifying faces every time I said that xD Anyway, then I became a teen, sent to catholic school, and everything went to hell for a while.

I still dress like a man from time to time, Its not my fault that men's clothes are better than women's (imo) xD and their pants have pockets! (I even use my boyfriend's clothes sometimes and he doesnt care, he is a sweetheart >w<). Im proud to be a woman, but I like other women and I hate to be feminine. Thats something that not even catholic school could take away from me. Fuck gender stereotypes.

Now that I think about it, I guess thats the only thing I dont agree with Vaggie. I would hate to use the same clothes of gothic lolita she wears. I. HATE. dresses. and. pink. so. damn. much!

Anyway, I hope you dont get bullied for being ace, I know aces can get a lot of sh*t for just existing. Btw, I havent heard from you in a while. Are you doing ok? how are things doing in poland? I hope all the political problems are less worrisome in these times.

<3

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[dreamwritesimagines]

Okay, I know this may sound bad but

I CANNOT...ABSOLUTELY CANNOT

STAND MINA OR PETAL'S MOM.

ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND THEM.

I find them condescending; I dont like how they are all up in her business in the worst way but make it seem like love...its manipulating.

I know their history makes them over-protecrive but they take it too far and then cover it with words of care and love and then Petal just lets it go. Like the P.I thing? She could have let her mom know that she didnt appreciate how she disregarded her feelings and instruction to throw the folder away (which caused a break up and hearache) - it was completely the moms fault. But she was still expected to go home, to eat with them, to go to things with them (with obligation and NOT willingness - that's not family love).

Mina, I feel, speaks for itself... She just doesnt seem to know when enough is enough. She is emotionally a child and cant seem to understand that her words have consequences (which I would love to see Petal show her what they are, just once). Sometimes you have to give loved ones space so they can heal a bit before running your mouth and causing more damage. (Kinda getting angry here lol).

They hurt her, stomp on her but she still has to do what they want and SHE DOES! (For the most part) but at least they apologize....OH WAIT! THEY DON'T

Sorry about the long rant but I couldnt take it anymore... I cringe every time I see their names or mentions. Ugh.

On a positive note: I love you and I love your writing; I know that it is a part of life to not like some one, even fictional. I am actually loving the story. I hope you can forgive me for my rant...trying to find words to end this on but am so awkward.

I do love you and the story, I hope I didnt cross a line here.......

Oh my goodness, honey you don’t need to apologize at all! I find the way we look at  characters and  situations/dynamics from different viewpoints very interesting, so it’s quite lovely, you can love some characters, you can hate some characters! ❤❤

This is in no way like an apology or “but this and this” kind of reply btw, I’m just going to explain the way I see the characters and of course we’re all free to disagree, that’s the best thing about fiction!❤ It makes us think and see things differently❤ If you see them in a different way or if you have another approach, please let me know! ❤

So in my mind, when it comes to their family -even if they tend not to talk about it- the dad’s arrest was a huge trauma for each of them, and they all had different reactions to it. Trauma unfortunately changes people, and what they went through -Petal was too young yes, but the mom wasn’t and Mina was a teenager, which means her personality still wasn’t exactly...fixed in a way- basically shifted not only the power dynamics, but the understanding of each other.

So their mother, when the dad was arrested was obviously very shaken, and the way that whole incident resonated on her personality was that....the first thing she felt was possibly guilt, and guilt can alter our whole personality. I’m not a mother obviously, but based on my interactions with my own mother and people who have children, it’s my understanding that the worst feeling in the world for them is not being able to protect their child. So, the way it goes in Petal’s mother’s mind is that their father clearly scarred Petal, that’s for sure  but the thing is, she had no idea what was happening and that put Petal in such a danger. Spencer keeps saying that his “profile” doesn’t fit into a killer that would harm his family, but the way her mother sees it, he could’ve killed Petal or Mina, and she wouldn’t even realize what was wrong until it was too late. This is the man who’s the father of her children, the man she put her trust in to protect her children and in doing so, she put them in danger. So in her mind, it goes like 1) survival 2) psychological wellbeing. Of course it’s important, but she feels like she can fix her mental state if Petal “survives” first, so that’s the first priority. That’s why the P.I is a huge part of their lives, and that’s why she’s so... the way she is 😂 

Which bring us to Mina, whose teenager years were shaped by the trauma of her father. As multiple people stated in the story, Mina is her mother’s daughter, like a small copy with small traces of her father, and she grew up witnessing how devastating that whole thing was to her mother. Seeing something like that also shifted her view on “protectiveness”, and also, Mina is the oldest daughter right? I think there are certain traits that are very visible in oldest daughters, because she feels like she needs to protect everyone and she somehow feels almost...responsible? She was ready to cover up actual murder for her family, and while she was growing up, as it is very common with a lot of parents, her parents raised her with “You’re Petal’s big sister, you need to protect her”. That’s a huge burden to put on a child or a teenager, and she can’t help but feel guilty that she somehow “failed” Petal by letting her father traumatize her like that.

And lastly we have Petal, whose whole understanding of “family” is....twisted at best. That whole thing with her father happened when she was very young, so she grew up thinking that the people in her family are the only people who she could trust, especially after what happened. She was close with her father, and when they arrested him and found out what he did, it basically pulled the rug from under her, so she clung to the nearest people, which were her family.

I mean is it healthy? God no, it is very unhealthy and very dysfunctional. But the thing is, I feel like a fictional work should be free to show the good and the bad at the same time, we can’t cower away from it if we want to...awaken something in our audience, at least in my opinion😁

That being said, my education also taught me that like 99.9 percent of the time, the reader can analyse the characters much better than the writer, so if you disagree with me, that’s absolutely alright! ❤❤❤ I  love exchanging ideas with you! Thank you so much for this, this is a very different viewpoint I will keep in mind ❤❤❤