#and don’t think it’s a coincidence that the two known queer characters are living in a close knit band of eccentric outcasts

[yelenadelova]

I’m thinking about how Barb Azure was also referenced in TBOSAS to be dating a woman. Thinking about her and Clerk Carmine and the bond/solidarity the two of them had.

[quietwings-fics]

Spin Cycle

Rating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandom: Supernatural Ship: AnnaDean Additional Tags: Laundry, Domestic, Trans Male Dean Winchester, Trans Anna Milton, Trans Female Character, Established Relationship, Sharing Clothes, Gender Identity, Zine, Zine: Comfortably Queer 2023 (Supernatural) Wordcount: 1,501 Summary:

Anna drops in on Dean during laundry day. They discuss the changing of vessels and of clothes.

Note:

This fic was originally written for 2023's Comfortably Queer Zine, which is available for download here.

Dean’s clothes rolled haphazardly through the dryer’s heat. It was the only one running in the long row of identical machines as Sam’s clothes still soaked nearby. Half-empty had gone to barren as he whittled his hours away in the laundromat. It was when he was dragging out the long sleeves of Sam’s jacket up from the depths of the washing machine that he heard a noise, a soft thunk from the machine beside him, and Dean was straightened up and ready for a fight before he’d had a chance to drop the clothes in his arms. Anna stared at him, at his bundle, and then at his flushing face again.

“Bad timing?” she asked.

“Better than usual,” Dean disagreed. With the imagined threat never existing, he heaved Sam’s clothes over to the dryer beside his. It was two dollars to wash, three to dry, a fair bargain against the other laundromat he’d checked that morning. It was uncommon for their spare time to coincide—given Heaven hunting Anna and ordering him around—and it left each moment they did steal savored.

“So, this is what you do between saving people and hunting things?” She balanced on one of the unused machines, one leg crossed over the other and toes tapping the floor. Dean set Sam’s clothes to dry.

“It’s not that glamorous, I know. Our job doesn’t exactly pay the big bills.” Or the small ones. But they survived. They always had.

“No,” she said, “but... I miss this. I feel untethered.” Dean turned to her. He was cupping her shoulder before he could think better of it, and when she smiled and leaned forward, his hand rose to her cheek. “Thanks.” Anna’s eyes glowed sometimes when the light hit her right, but Dean had loved her human first and he wouldn’t ever forget that. It made him appreciate her more. “I miss doing laundry, and weekly shots, and making the bed, and-” She breathed, and the grief of a lifetime lost exhaled from her lungs. Dean pulled a smile to the corner of his lips for her.

“You don’t miss your shots,” he teased. Hell, he’d been doing his T for a decade, give or take, and injections still put him on edge. She shook her head, but his smile had coaxed her own out of hiding.

“I miss the routine.” He’d take a picture of her smile if he thought it would last longer than she would. “I keep the changes, though. It turns out that one of the only benefits of wearing a body rather than living in it is that your hormones are just as much a part of the costume.” There, Dean wanted to argue. He’d known plenty of angels who only bothered with their vessels as decoration, a necessity for flying down to Earth without getting dirty from the mud. Anna breathed and blinked and laughed with her whole chest. She was not apart from her body; it was her.

“Most angels don’t change at all,” he pointed out.

“I’ve got more practice.” At that, he huffed a laugh. Damn right she did. He remembered his eyes wandering over the mantel at the crime scene left of her childhood home, spying the awkward family photos of her as a child and a young teenager. He had a few of his own he could show her one day. They were probably tucked away in a box at Bobby’s, memories of a little Dean Winchester with his hair too long for comfort and a grin that never changed no matter how the face around it shifted.

“You ever make adjustments? Now that you’ve got your mojo back and all.” Anna considered that.

“I think about it. I could, in a snap.” She frowned. “It doesn’t feel right. I fought for this. Now, it’d be too easy. And then there’s the fact that I don’t want Heaven touching what I worked so hard for.” They’d stolen enough, she didn’t have to say. Dean understood that feeling better than most people ever could.

“I didn’t have any scars when they brought me back,” Dean said, and Anna opened her mouth to respond to that but he had a point he needed to make. “None on my arm from the time I broke it and the bone went through. None of the many, many places I’ve been stabbed or shot in my life. So, you can imagine what I went to check the minute I got ahold of a mirror.” His interruption had earned him an annoyed pout, but as she listened, that fell away as she grasped the purpose of the anecdote.

“Those remain,” Anna said. She lifted a hand and swept her fingers over Dean’s chest, nails knocking against the amulet in her path. Through the fabric of his shirt, he could feel her touch. Sensation had come back to his whole chest over the years, with only a little section between his right nipple and the scar beneath it that remained numb. It was the best work he’d (or whatever the name on his fake card was at the time) ever paid for, never regretted.

“Yeah. Heaven didn’t touch them. I’m still a self-made man.” Her hand drifted back across like she knew exactly where the scars were to trace them. By that point, she might have. She’d seen them often enough. “My point is, screw Heaven. We always knew what was best for us, anyway. If you want to do it, do it. If you don’t, no one’s going to make you. Definitely not me. I think you’re beautiful.” His voice caught in his throat because he didn’t have nearly enough words to tell her how much, but Anna caught his amulet between her fingers and pulled until the cord drew him forward. She kissed him sweetly. He always needed it. Around them, fluorescent lights buzzed and the dryers bumped against each other as they turned over their loads. Dean’s hands found the sides of Anna’s face, and he brushed his thumb over her cheek as he pulled an inch back to catch his breath and kissed her again.

He was able to hear one of the machines slow and stop. He ignored it for another minute, pressing more kisses to her lips and down her jaw. Anna hummed at the scrape of his stubble against her skin, and it brought to mind a moment of domesticity that made him yearn for the kind of world where they weren’t constantly being forced apart: Anna and him sharing a razor the morning before they’d gotten together, trading it off for her to use as he checked the bandages over the wound on her arm she’d made to defend them.

Reluctantly, he had to pull back. Anna let go of the amulet. It slipped from between her fingers as Dean moved over to the dryer, bending down to pop the door open. He could feel the warmth of the clothes inside. He pat his hand over the lump to make sure they were completely dry, and for once, he found he’d gotten lucky enough for a dryer that did the job on the first cycle. He hauled clothes out and heard Anna drop off of her perch behind him. Soon, the various assorted shirts and jeans he was taking out were being folded up by her. He paused a moment, looking up at her as she rolled a pair of socks together, and felt so overcome with affection that he had to kiss her again.

One day, all of this had to end, and if he didn’t believe he’d have peace then, he’d still do everything in his power to give her a chance to live the life she’d chosen and that the world kept trying to take away from her. Maybe she’d even let him come to her doorstep once in a while and stay a night. As he broke the kiss, he looked at her clothes, the same ones she’d worn since she had become an angel again. Angels didn’t take the time to change outfits.

“You want me to wash your jacket?” he offered. Anna tilted her head, confused. “I’ll give you one to wear while you’re waiting for it.”

“Right now? You’d waste five bucks to wash just my jacket?” She was shrugging it off anyway. Dean took it from her, and he rooted around in his own clothes for one to give back. His was too big on her, but he hoped it kept her warm.

“I’ll throw it in next time I’m doing laundry. You’ll just have to come back for it.” Anna wraps his jacket around herself. Dean knows he’ll see her again. She was too shrewd for Heaven and too strong for any demon to pin her down. He’d just like a little reminder she’d show, that was all.

“I’ll make sure to drop by,” Anna promised.

They folded clothes in comfortable silence until they had to say goodbye.

(Enjoyed it? Any interaction is welcomed. You can even support me on Ko-Fi <3)

[mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa]

"Why would Tae use a gay ship to cover up a hetero relationship?" -This anon was replying to my original list of questions I sent you.

I want to start off by saying I do believe that there's something going on with th and jk. The reason I asked the original ask is because there's so much photos and coincidences with jennie and th, so I won't dent that sometimes I question things

So Why would Tae use a gay ship to cover up a hetero relationship?- my only theory is that the kpop industry loves fan service. Regardless of me believing taekook or not, we can't deny that kpop fans would rather ship male x male idols then see them with a women. IF jennie and th are dating then I'm sure they've seen the shit storm that has been going on online. So what's the best way to cool it down? Give them some fan service content!! look now the th and jennie stuff has died down again.

I will say that my theory could go both ways. Maybe th sees the jennie posts and doesn't like it so he posts about jk to shut the shippers up and make it known that taekook is a thing.

One thing I did love about the live is that th excluded jk from his friends. He said he's playing with his friends AND jk is here. So jk is more than just a friend. Reminds of that clip where jk told tae to introduce him properly and not just as his friend.

If anon wants to talk then comment and I'll send you a dm. My account isn't kpop related so that's why I'm under anon -🍒

AAHH okay, I remember (hopefully, though I've got so many asks now I sometimes do get what people are talking about when refering to an ask from days/weeks previously), and now that ask makes a whole lot more sense. At least if you and the anon are referring to this ask:

Firstly, I will say you're (if that is the ask you and they are referring to) slightly contradicting yourself, as in the original ask it states "I actually don’t think tk are together, I just lurk on army spaces, so I wouldn’t care either way whether Tae was dating her," but then in this ask you say... "I want to start off by saying I do believe that there's something going on with th and jk." If it's not your asks then this whole paragraph getting weirder by the character....

Now back to your theory...

It all hinges on the photos...

Photos that have from both Blackpink and BTS fandoms (and not just shippers mind) proven been shown and proven to be photoshopped from stolen private photos, from two artist we have no knowledge of ever being close.

But why would they use a ship that for BigHit had for 4 years presented the narrative to the public/fandom that Taekook were not close only to start shipping them. BigHit still really doesn't promote Taekook, yes they let moments happen are kept in, but it's still anything like what other ships got in content and Taekook push that themselves.

Plus, Taekook for the last 3 years have been on a trajectory that shows them to be much more close and intimate to the general public well before Taennie was a thing. So pushing a ship that had been more in the forefront doesn't make sense.

Plus, in May she dumped GD only shack up with Tae in the same month, all the while being on the other side of the planet (as confirmed by Blinks), I she must be a superwoman/time-traveller.

The rest of Taennie is all just loose threads and coincidences nothing more.

Regarding Taennie as a potential TK cover, I think it was less about Taekook and more about Tae. Cover for Tae and Tae's sexuality, Just like G Dragon's sexuality and sort of Kai's sexuality. All the men she's had relationships with, all have whispers of being queer.

But the live is great I do agree, and just adds further weight to the fact they are close and together... a lot.

[strangertheory]

After you so thoughtfully answered that last anon, I'm wondering a few things. Most importantly, how do you think The Duffers could write it, if mileven ends up not being endgame, in a way that was accessible and easy to understand and like for casual viewers?

The “shipping war” between Mileven and Byler fans has never sat well with me because I think there’s an elephant in the room that is rarely acknowledged by fans of either ship. I’m unsure if it’s because they don’t want to acknowledge the elephant, if it’s because they haven’t noticed the elephant yet, or if it’s because they have heard rumor of the elephant but have decided to dismiss it as unimportant.

I believe that what is going on in the story is truly not what most fans think. I think there's a meta layer that hasn't been shared with us yet but that will start to be unraveled in season 4 or 5. I cannot say for sure what that layer is: but I'm thoroughly convinced that it is there. Things are not as they seem.

El and Will are mirrors of one another, and there are details that connect each of them in a way that goes beyond mere coincidence. Their stories appear to be intertwined intentionally, and although the reasons for this remain mysterious to us currently, I suspect their connection will become relevant in later seasons.

Yes, I believe that "Byler is endgame" in the sense that I believe that Mike is in love with his childhood friend that he's known since he was 5 and he met them on the swings and that he's played D&D with and that went missing in 1983 and he was devastated upon seeing the body being lifted out of the Quarry and was relieved to find was still alive and that he greeted at the hospital when they woke up.

But I believe that something is going on here that we (as fans) are not completely aware of yet and that El’s story and Will’s story are deeply intertwined.

How do I think The Duffers could write the conclusion of Mike and El’s romantic relationship in a way that is accessible and easy to understand?

I hypothesize that the writers will eventually reveal a very specific connection that exists between El and Will. It will surely be a huge plot twist.

I believe that characters will begin to be more open and honest about their feelings in season 4 and season 5. Season 3 lacked open communication and honesty. In my opinion there was so much lying and miscommunication that it verged on being the main theme of season 3! (You can read my notes on that in this blogpost.)

I think the writers will reveal that Mike has been afraid to allow his true feelings and his true self to show because of his fear of being judged by society and by his friends. I think that we will have a storyline that involves Mike realizing that he's comfortable rejecting society's expectations of him and embracing who he really is and who he really loves.

But we can completely disregard my suggestion that El and Will are connected in some mysterious way and simply look at this as a “boy-meets-girl and boy and girl decide to stop dating” situation too.

Telling a story in which a lead character suddenly realizes that they had feelings for someone else is not complicated and is not unusual. It would only be surprising to fans that have funneled their attention and their devotion into believing that a long-term romantic relationship between Mike and El is an unchangeable certainty.

How do I think The Duffers could write the conclusion of Mike and El’s romantic relationship in a way that is easy to like for casual viewers?

The truth is: there will always be viewers that dislike discovering that a main character has feelings for a different character than the one they hoped they would stay romantically involved with. Add to that the unfortunate existence of homophobia and some fans might also be upset because they don’t like the idea of two teenage boys having romantic feelings for each other, either.

Sometimes the story a writer wants to tell might deviate from the fandom’s expectations. It happens all the time. A writer’s goal is to tell a good story, and sometimes telling a good story involves subverting expectations rather than affirming them. The Duffer Brothers seem the type to enjoy a good plot-twist. I could be wrong, but I think they enjoy layering Stranger Things with secrets and carefully crafting scenarios so that when the truth beneath the surface is revealed everyone watching the series can say "Wow! What a twist! We should have seen the foreshadowing but we can only see it now in hindsight.”

I think that Mike and Will realizing and confessing their mutual feelings for one another is a very likeable story. Mike and Will’s love story can be an incredibly well-written friends-to-lovers, slow-burn, mutual pining, angst-with-a-happy-ending, queer coming-of-age love story in the midst of a supernatural scifi fantasy horror adventure. I find it very easy to like this story. It’s FANTASTIC. And I don’t see why “casual” viewers couldn’t love this story, too. I do think they might have to be open-minded and unprejudiced in order to enjoy it, however. They will also have to be open to respecting that El is more than capable of having a happy ending that isn’t dependent on a teenage boy dating her. I hope that fans that invested all of their hopes and dreams into El dating Mike indefinitely will still have an interest in cheering for El and her new dreams and goals even if (hypothetically) she is no longer romantically involved with Mike by the end of season 5. If they care about El dating Mike more than her happiness, then perhaps they need to re-evaluate how they relate to fictional stories and also make sure that they respect when people in their real lives decide that they are better off as friends.

Whatever is going on in the story: I look forward to seeing what happens between Will, Mike, and El in seasons 4 and 5. I understand that my theories and my interpretations of the series might be incorrect, but these are my thoughts on what has happened so far in the story and what I predict might happen next.

Thanks for Asking!

...

If you’d like to read my blogposts regarding what I think is going on between Will and El and read about the Stranger Things theories that I find the most compelling you can find them all listed at my pinned index post here at this link.

[mimzy-writing-online]

A Witch’s Memory, an interview with the author, Mimzy Reiner

What is the premise of the novel?

A Witch’s Memory is a contemporary fantasy novel in the young adult age category. The story has three main characters. Ulric is a werewolf who lost his vision eight months before the start of the novel and is now legally blind. At the start of the novel he is returning to school after missing a full semester. Nobody at his school knows he went blind, not even his best friend Mason. All his classmates know is that he got sick and had to be pulled out of school. Mason is the only one who knows he’s coming back. The only person he’s ever told about his blindness is Anna, a fellow blogger he’s befriended online.

Two months ago Anna and her mismatched family of witches moved from the United Kingdom to the States so that her uncle could get a new job after being fired from his previous job as a university professor teaching Magical History. Anna and her brother Felix both suffer from partial amnesia due to a memory curse. They remember most of their lives but there are holes in their memories, memories of friendships and school subjects and special events that were erased. Neither of them is too thrilled about having to finish secondary school in America, but both want a fresh start away from reminders of their missing memories or the night they were both cursed.

On the first day of school Ulric realizes that the new student in his grade is Anna, his online friend. Anna realizes that Ulric closely resembles a friend she used to have in the U.K. and that the similarities are too eerie to be a coincidence.

And then there’s the matter that Ulric was blinded in an accident within a week of the night Anna and Felix were cursed.

Felix thinks their theory is ridiculous, absurd, and downright idiotic.

Who was deceived more?

More Below: how magic works in this world, the boarding school the novel is set in, the themes of the novel, inspiration, and many (many) pictures/visuals.

Tell us about the world of your novel, about the magic

In this world magic is as normalized as technology and science. There’s no big secret kept away from the humans. Everyone is out in the open with who they are. Witches, fairies, werewolves, and even vampires have a place in the world with no need to hide who they are. The novel focuses on two witches and a werewolf but humans and vampires and fairies have their place in the story. Ulric’s best friend Mason is a vampire. Anna’s roommate at boarding school is a fairy. Felix’s crush is human.

One of my favorite things to do in my writing is to turn the expected trope on its head. Vampires don’t kill when they drink blood because vampires only drink about a pint at a time and the human body can lose as much as two liters and still survive. Werewolves don’t need to transform during the full moon, but refusing to shift is beyond uncomfortable for them. Rather than losing control and blacking out when they transform, werewolves are completely aware and in control of their bodies. A familiar is the soul of a witch who died and was partially preserved in the form of a cat. No witch wants a familiar.

At the same time I also love playing with the stereotypes of magic. Witches do ride brooms in this world. Werewolves howl to find their fellow werewolves in the forest. Some vampires are immortal, but not all. Fairies are every bit as colorful as you see in cartoons, with interesting hair and skin colors.

Mixing the familiar and the unexpected is one of my favorite things.

What themes are present in your novel?

LGBTQA+

Anna, Ulric, and Felix are bisexual, and are at different levels of acceptance/understanding of their sexuality. Ulric’s known he was bi since he was 13. Anna realized it less than a year ago. Felix is only just starting to understand his sexuality. There are also several secondary characters who are LGBT. By my count there are eight characters who identify as queer in some way, whether in gender identity or in sexuality. 

I am bi/pansexual and I am gender fluid, and being able to write queer characters means a lot to me.

Disability

Ulric is legally blind and a huge part of the novel is his acceptance of his disability and trying to get as much of his old life back as possible. Going back to school, getting back into athletics (like his school’s running group) and being with his friends is all part of that. I am blind myself and a lot my personal experience went into this novel, both from the technical perspective of how you navigate life with blindness and the emotional perspective of living with a disability.

There are a few secondary characters with disabilities and chronic illnesses.

Mental Health

I have a hard focus on recovery and healthy coping mechanisms. Anna and Ulric both live with PTSD and experience it differently. Felix has some self esteem problems he needs to work on. All three characters have varying levels of anxiety but directed at different things. It’s never used as a gimmick or a plot filler. Their mental health is a result of the traumas and influences they’ve experienced in their sixteen years of life.

Family

There is a lot of focus on parental figures and how they are flawed. Parents make mistakes, even when all they want is what’s best for you. This story sees the good and the bad in parents.

Other

There’s a lot of humor and whimsy woven into all the drama. I want magic to be whimsical and have an every day presence. There are some downright ridiculous moments of humor in the story.

What is the setting of the novel?

The novel is set at a boarding school in Pennsylvania called Silverstone Academy, where our three characters attend. There are also moments and scenes taking place in the local, sleepy town of Aberdeen.

Are there any favorite settings for your scenes?

Some of my favorite scenes take place in the library of the school. There’s something about it that makes for a perfect setting for a serious conversation. Inside the library is a reading room with an illusion spell cast on it that turns the walls and ceiling into a sky of stars.

In general I’m a fan of using seemingly average parts of the school campus.

A dark, mostly empty drama theater makes for a perfect place to talk with your friend about all your past crushes.

A pretty courtyard cast in warm afternoon sun is perfect for getting to know someone.

An quiet hallway in the science building is perfect for an argument.

What was the first moment of inspiration for this novel?

This story began some seven years ago but was for a long time left untouched. Then last January I had a dream of Anna trying to get away from danger on a broom she only barely knew how to ride. The memory of Anna on the broom calling out to Ulric stuck with me and I began writing it again, but from scratch. This story has taken a completely different direction from its first draft seven years ago.

Other Posts and Content for A Witch’s Memory

Including Excerpts and tag games about the characters

Anna:

Excerpt of Anna’s 1st Chapter

15 Question Interview with Anna

Felix:

Excerpt of Felix’s 1st Chapter Part One

Excerpt of Felix’s 1st Chapter Part Two

15 Question Interview with Felix

Felix meets Hayden

Ulric:

Excerpt of Ulric’s 1st Chapter

15 Question Interview with Ulric

Mimzy’s parting words:

If you’ve made it this far and have read the whole thing, I don’t know what to say. Thank you for listening. If this story of mine interests you, please follow this blog where I post/reblog writing advice, share progress updates on my novel, and sometimes include excepts of my favorite parts.

If you want to be added to the tag list, just comment on this post.

You can also find me on twitter (link: https://twitter.com/MimzyReiner)

If you want to support this production of this book, you can like and reblog this post and the links above.

I also have a ko-fi and the donations go to a savings account to manage the self publishing costs of A Witch’s Memory, including the audio-book (because if I’m going to write a blind character, I should make the story accessible to the blind).

https://ko-fi.com/mimzyreiner

Thank you and good night :)

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG135 /o/

- Fun fact! The verb “extinguish” has appeared as a word in all three of the Daedalus statements, in relation to the three different powers involved:

(MAG057, Carter Chilcott) “There’s nothing, nothing but empty, uncaring void lacing dead worlds and dead stars all-together like a tapestry of lonely meaninglessness. Humans have existed for the smallest sliver of a fraction of a moment in the existence of the universe, and we will be extinguished just as quickly. And when we are at last gone forever, into the quiet emptiness of death, there will be nothing left but the cold universe. And nothing shall mark our passing because there is nothing to do so.”

(MAG106, Jan Kilbride) “Most people can’t even properly appreciate the size of our own planet, seeing it only in crudely rendered diagrams or maps; but compared to us… the planet is immense. More than large enough for the swell of humanity to grow and… ultimately extinguish itself. [SCOFF] Yet compared to the wider universe… it isn’t even a noticeable speck.”

(MAG135) ELIAS: I don’t know the details. Ny-Ålesund is a stronghold of The Dark, meaning I can’t see inside. I… believe they call it “The Extinguished Sun”, though that’s as much as I know.

- I love how The Dark still feels like… that one fear which should be super stereotypical (Cult Of Darkness.) and yet always manages to get under your skin anyway, and is that one thing that we’re apparently never managing to get rid of. Julia and Trevor butchered Darvish in Summer 2010? No problem. Things happened in March-to-May 2015 at the Hither Green Dissenters Chapel, apparently derailing or temporarily neutralising The Dark’s activities? Ahaha, we’ll manage. Maxwell Rayner was killed by Section 31 officers on Elias’s Personal Tip in February 2017? IT’S FINE. WE CAN STILL DO SOMETHING. I had Questions about how The Dark was connected with Gertrude’s death, I’m delighted that we’ll be digging into their activities again, since Jon isn’t sure what happened – isn’t even sure whether Gertrude had managed to neutralise them! I wonder if the matter of March/May 2015 as the date of Gertrude’s death will be explained, or if I should finally put that to rest as a simple mistake.

… Interestingly, following the pattern of solar eclipses: the total solar eclipse over Ny-Ålesund that Basira had pinned down actually took place on 20th March 2015, which is… neither when Mark Bilham went into the Hither Green Dissenters Chapel (March 11th), neither when Gertrude officially died (March 15th or May 15th), but is around the time she should have died according to Oliver’s dreams. In real life, the next solar eclipse (partial) in Ny-Ålesund happened on August 11th 2018, so that could be the planned date for the upcoming half-baked new ritual attempt indeed… but the date is a bit weird for the overall pacing of season 4. We’re in… beginning of April? 2018, and usually getting a statement a week (more or less). So that doesn’t easily coincide with a midseason finale, nor with the season finale? Unless Team Archive hurries to get to Svalbard very soon, in the hope of neutralising The Dark before August 2018. (Funny bit: there was a partial solar eclipse in South America on February 15th 2018… the day Oliver visited Jon and he woke up from his “coma”.)

I have no idea: there are so many things to keep track of, currently (Peter’s own plans? The Extinction’s threat? Elias’s intentions regarding The Watcher’s Crown? The Web’s schemes and intentions for Jon? Now, The Dark’s activities?) – I… do like that it indeed gives us a feeling that, outside of pure narrative… all the Fears have their own agenda, they’re not just queuing up for the Archives team to take care of them? They’re not dependant on them, they carry on Doing Their Things and bringing their own terrors? And it’s… very bittersweet to think that it will probably always be like this.

- I’m so mad about the fact that Manuela’s story makes… so much sense with how Jan had described her:

(MAG106, Jan Kilbride) “Manuela Dominguez was quite a big name in certain areas of the physics community. Or at least she had been; I hadn’t heard of any work she’d done for a good few years and, as I said I’m more on the engineering side of things so… it wasn’t really something I kept up with in detail. While she was happy to talk, Manuela apparently didn’t like to discuss her professional life on Earth, or the specifics of the research she was doing on the Daedalus. Like Chilcott, her research was kept entirely separate from mine, and while we spent plenty of time together, I never did figure out exactly what it was. Something to do with lasers, I think.”

I never ever thought for one second that it might have been “it’s because she’s part of the cult, Cass, and has been for the past years” aND YET IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE AND SEEMS SO OBVIOUS IN RETROSPECT… I’m so mad, I love this series and it keeps making me feel like a Fool. (But with love. Cackling at my face, but with love.) Another thing that gets a bit… “funny” in retrospect:

(MAG106, Jan Kilbride) “It was the sense of a presence, of there being something out there… something that wasn’t the Earth, and it was getting closer… When it started, I tried to talk to Manuela about it, but she seemed to think I was talking about aliens and quickly changed the subject. […] And that cry came again; so loud, and long, and deep that I couldn’t not be the sound of a living thing – so vast and so ancient that thinking about it made me weep. And I screamed in turn. My hands touched the rail at the exact moment that Manuela came to check on me. I was moving again. She asked if I was alright, though she… clearly had no interest in the answer. She said she’d felt the station shake, bu–ut when I pressed, she… claimed she hadn’t heard anything. Her eyes were red and I noticed for the first time that the tips of her fingers were burned. I… don’t know why I asked her, really. I knew then that she hadn’t heard it – that she would never hear it. And I felt completely alone. I remember I almost envied Chilcott, because at least he had known what he was signing up for.”

…………………… She probably assumed that Jan had heard her “battery” screaming, uh, hence the quick denial.

- WHY DO WE KEEP GETTING OPPORTUNITIES TO GET SAD ABOUT JAN KILBRIDE??? There was already something very… sensitive and heart-wrenching in his statement from MAG106, in his thought and overall tone (I’m apparently very weak to characters pulling the ~I would have liked to still be able to think that ignorance meant safety~ shtick ;;), even more with Melanie’s narration – she was absolutely perfect for that one, with her voice slightly cracking and the overall impression of throat tightening… And I was already sad for him with that statement alone! Even sadder when thinking he was probably the man with beautiful eyes seen with Gertrude during The Buried’s ritual! And season 4 keeps making me sad about him, godsdamnit, first with Jon mentioning how he ended, and now with:

(MAG135, Manuela Dominguez) “Either way, it was clear my two fellow astronauts were patsies, sent up there to suffer. I almost felt bad for them, but it was in most ways a relief to know I wouldn’t need to worry about them interfering with my own project. […] the closest I ever came to discovery was when Kilbride expressed confusion at the rate that our supplies were diminishing. It was really only the two of us anyway, with Chilcott sealed away, having his own little breakdown. And Jan was always a bit of an idiot, so ready to believe anyone’s lies… But I suppose I don’t need to tell you that – do I, Gertrude?”

(The insidiousness was creepy, sure, but come on, Dark people, we’re so used to Voyeurs all the time, you spilling that You Know What Gertrude Did With Jan doesn’t feel mind-blowingly threatening compared to the others <3)

I wonder if we’ll hear again about the Daedalus. Melanie had noticed that Jan’s statement felt like it ended abruptly (presumably, Gertrude was told he was here and interrupted him to have a chat?) – so there could be another half lying around, or a live-statement with Gertrude, or… I don’t know. But now that we know that there was a 4th person on the station (WHICH WAS A “HOLY ARCEUS” MOMENT), and given that Manuela mentioned that she wasn’t sure of the Lukases&the Fairchilds’ own motives + that… the person who had taken care of the calculation must have been aware of the extra body, but she didn’t say it was Rayner’s team taking care of that aspect, it still feels like there might have been another story against the Currently Official Story (once again):

(MAG135, Manuela Dominguez) “I don’t know how he convinced Fairchild and the Lukases to help finance the project – a life as long as his is evidently very good for one’s finances, but even so, space exploration is a whole other magnitude of expenditure. I don’t entirely know if they were working on rituals of their own, or simply pushing the boundaries of their own fears, their masters. […] Exactly how the launch was arranged, I couldn’t tell you, but I assume the calculations must have been done by one of ours. Otherwise, well… weight is very important when planning a launch, and it could hardly have escaped their notice that there were four people in that rocket.”

I’m very appreciative of the way the Daedalus had been handled in the canon, slowly taking “shape”. We first had Carter Chilcott’s testimony, who… couldn’t tell us a lot about the life aboard, except for his own experience, since he was precisely isolated; we then had Jan, who was more in control but still unaware of what was at work there; and now, we’re getting Manuela, who turned out to have been totally aware of the aim of the mission. This could be the end of the story, or there could be yet more to put things into perspective (ha), we’ll see!

- I don’t know which shade of queer Manuela was/is but: definitely queer (“Anything they did not understand became unnatural and I found myself crossing that line from an early age. Although strangely, out of everything I was, it was always my desire to pursue a scientific career that they railed against with the most energy.”). AND SO AWFUL HOLY HECK… I’m glad that Daisy wasn’t in the room with Jon because his tone was so into it that… he might have freaked her out a bit? It was terrifying, so… deceptively sweet while digging the knife deep into your flesh…

- One thing that gets me a lot (in a “HHHHHhhHHHH” way) is when… avatars talk about their patrons? The reverence, the worship in their words? And Manuela was especially “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” is that regard: yes, absolutely terrible, and did you hear that drive and that passion? (It’s hot/aesthetically pleasing, is what I want to say.)

I still have… the impression, in a way, that the Daedalus never actually happened in the TMA universe; Melanie had mentioned that feeling in MAG106, though she pointed out the existence of pictures of the crew’s return to Earth, but somehow… I can’t help but feel like indeed, it was too out of our realm to truly have happened, and that it was all staged by another entity/by the Lukases&the Fairchilds, to pretend it had happened when actually the staff had stayed on Earth all along, and that they organised the press releases about it? But it’s also awfully fitting that yes, Fears experiments sound so impossible that it can’t have been happening. If there is no twist, it seems like avatars are drawing powers from their patrons proportionally to the faith they have in them?

(MAG135, Manuela Dominguez) “Scientifically, it was nonsense of course. Dark energy and the like don’t work like that, not even remotely. But that wasn’t important. What mattered was that it felt like science, and that was all I needed. To do my work, to create the Black Star would need a parody, an aping mockery of science. But it would also need the deepest of darknesses. When I told Maxwell what I actually needed, he told me such a thing was impossible, but I insisted. And so he began his work on the Daedalus.

[…] My experiments continued largely uninterrupted, pushing the boundaries of light, darkness and fear. It was dangerous work and more than once, I got too close to the light and it almost destroyed me. But it didn’t. I could regale you with the technical terms or scientific disciplines I played with and rendered meaningless, but in the end all you actually need to know is that I succeeded. A tiny, terrible sun of the pitchest black, shining beautiful Darkness all around it.”

Like a twisted “believe in fairies” – things getting the power you give them, similarly to symbols? Sarah had, back in the days, said the Trophy Room Taxidermy Shop got its powers from people’s interactions with it (MAG096: “What is the significance of this place?” “Nothing, except what people give it. But they give it a lot, make it a place of power for us.”)

If the experiment did indeed happen in space: there had been hypotheses that the “falling satellite debris” which killed Oliver had been the Daedalus, and I had dismissed it because the dates didn’t match at all… but I’m a stupid potato and: of course the crew returned to Earth through a shuttle, and this was explicitly stated by Manuela. So it could still have been the Daedalus going full-on Icarus.

… But on the other hand: while the name “Daedalus” finally takes a bit more meaning with this episode (the story about ~getting too close to the sun~), Daedalus was actually the prudent one, who remained wary of the sun and was clever enough to always escape the murder attempts. Icarus went too close to the sun (and drowned in the sea, leaving Daedalus alone). Daedalus… gave his name to the maze, and brings corridors to minds. (But the “Daedalus project” was an actual, historical one, which never got completed in our world… Rah, I don’t know! The fact that we learned that Manuela had actually been full-on avatar in the space station, and not an innocent scientist victim of The Dark, makes me paranoid about another… twist regarding the station x’))

We’ve had another reference to Icarus in the canon, though: “George Icarus” was the name under which Leitner was buried, as Tim discovered in MAG114. Paid by the Institute. It fits Leitner very well but… given the ties between “Daedalus” and “Icarus”, it feels like a very weird coincidence – so did you get involved in the space project in one way or another, Elias… *squints*)

- Regarding the 4th person on the Daedalus, I’ve been grabbing my face a lot and screaming in silence about the sheer HORROR of suddenly learning that… there was someone else aboard, with Manuela very casually dehumanizing him at every possible turn (“one unlucky nyctophobe”, “I never learned his name, never needed to; he was simply a battery”, “The final experiment had left my battery in such a state that no amount of sound-proofing could dampen the screams, and I was glad of the peace and quiet.”). I wonder if it’s someone we’ve already seen mentioned somewhere…? The only potential one (in my mind) would be Peter “Pete” Gordo, who worked at the Wakefield Prison in MAG052 – Exceptional Risk, and had touched the Dark creature when it came to butcher Robert Montauk. Both the (awful) statement-giver and Jon had highlighted that he had vanished shortly after, in 2002, so he was probably a “half-finished meal” too…

Since Manuela… didn’t mention killing him but implied that she had left him behind (alone) in the station when she went back to Earth with the other two, I wonder if he might have turned into Something Else, or if he plainly died of exhaustion / lack of oxygen / starvation / Fear (alone, in the dark empty infinite space). Conceptually, it could be a good tie-in if he had somehow become an avatar of Extinction, but I don’t know how that could fit with his primal fear and what happened to him. One thing I have in mind, though: Daedalus was the inventor who helped Pasiphae copulate with the bull, in the myth, and the Minotaur wouldn’t have been conceived without it. So… Daedalus contributed to Creating The Monster (before working to contain it). Not sure it could be relevant, but just in case… there is that.

(- Extra-funny thing about Icarus/Daedalus……………… remember how Peter had called Jon in MAG134? A “bull-headed Archivist”. Congrats, Jon! It might have been involuntary (IS IT.) but you’re officially the Monster In The Labyrinth, right now, according to the Lonely creepy boat captain.)

(And again: considering that it turned out Martin was the one who gave Jon the connection to the outside that helped pull him out of the coffin, does that make Martin an Ariadne.)

- So, we got a new name for a ritual (The Dark is ~The Extinguished Sun~) but we also got the notion of a “stronghold” mentioned by Elias:

(MAG135) ELIAS: I don’t know the details. Ny-Ålesund is a stronghold of The Dark, meaning I can’t see inside.

=> Breekon had described the Institute as “The Eye’s Pedestal” (MAG128, “That was the first time we saw what would become this place, The Eye’s Pedestal.”), too. The question is still pending for Point Nemo (a Vast one? An End one?) and Hill Top Road (neutral ground or Web? Desolation? Spiral?). For the Lonely, Carter Chilcott had very specific dreams reminiscent of the graveyard from Naomi’s statement and of the Tundra’s journeys:

(MAG057, Carter Chilcott) “The hallucination stopped. I did not even get the comfort of company in my delusions, though at some point, the line between dreaming and reality seemed to blur. I’d be sleeping, strapped into my bed in the middle of the void, or at the same time floating through ancient graveyards or the open, empty sea. They weren’t hallucinations though, they were dreams – even if the cold seem to seep out of them, and into the bones of me.”

And there were the places where ritual attempts took place – the Wax Museum for The Stranger (though the Taxidermy Shop was also “a place of power” for them), that Elias claimed to be unable to access (and Jon did feel weird with no conception of time there); the town of Bucoda, for The Buried; Sannikov Land, for The Spiral; the Gnostic church near Istanbul for The Flesh (and potentially the Hither Green Dissenters Chapel for The Dark). Given how these places got… severely destroyed after their rituals got thwarted, it sounds like they were only been temporary places to build up power? Ny-Ålesund and the plain… sea are a bit more permanent than those punctual places, though? (Please, Team Archive, don’t go bombing the whole of Ny-Ålesund.)

- If we’re going to be digging a bit more into Dark-related activities… will we get a confirmation of what the fuck was happening re:Maxwell Rayner? Did he just have a remarkably long lifetime thanks to “feeding” his god, like Simon Fairchild, since we know that he was already around in the XIXth century and Manuela herself made a reference to the fact he had been around for very long (MAG135: “a life as long as his is evidently very good for one’s finances”)? I know the favourite fantheory on this one is that he’d been body-hopping but I’ve never been convinced since we didn’t really have descriptions of him changing, except that he was often Kind Of Old. There… has indeed been a suspicious trend of him targeting or getting a child around him: an unnamed one in 1864 (MAG098, Doctor Algernon Moss: “He is led around by a young Arabian lad of ten or eleven, though the ease with which he carries himself makes me suspect this assistance is an affectation rather than necessity.”); in 1995, Julia was attacked by the creature when she was 12; Basira and the other officers were sent against Rayner after he had kidnapped Callum Brodie, twelve years old, in January 2017 (MAG073, Basira: “Yeah. Callum Brodie. Twelve… twelve years old. Disappeared from his home in Dalston three weeks ago.”) – but it’s not necessarily to get a new body…? I always had the impression that it could plainly be because… well, the fear of the Dark is more prominent in children? So they could perhaps feed Dark-people better?

- I mostly wonder if (/hope that) we will get a bit more information about the relationship between Robert Montauk and Maxwell Rayner, in the process! Because… honestly, except for the fact that Robert’s wife apparently belonged to the People’s Church of the Divine Host (since she had the pendant) and that Robert killed around 40 people between 1990 and 1995 that may or may not have all been related to the cult, there are a loooot of things I’m still uncertain about? And Jon still had Questions about it too:

(MAG052) ARCHIVIST: So what is this thing that seems to have stalked Robert Montauk through so much of his life? And what’s its connection to Rayner? Were they summoning it, containing it, worshipping it? Whatever the case, it seems as though Montauk earned its anger. I feel it might be worthwhile getting a few more torches for the Archive.

(MAG074) ARCHIVIST: Well, that seems to close the book on Maxwell Rayner. Maybe the whole People’s Church of the Divine Host. I can’t help but feel I’ve got the last chapter of a story and I don’t even know the title. At least I hope it’s the last chapter. I still can’t find much about the company Outer Bay Shipping. Looks like a shell corporation, but tracking corporate ownership is not something I’m skilled at.

* Was Julia’s mother a runaway from the cult, or an active participant? It sounded to be the latter since Julia mentioned that she used to have friends who… didn’t inquire on her disappearance (MAG009: “apparently no-one noticed she was gone, which was strange as I have vague memories of her having friends over a lot before she vanished.”) Had she left her pendant to trap Julia too? Did she disappear to protect Julia? Did she willingly get spirited away? Actually, Robert told Julia she was “gone” but since Robert’s last victim had disappeared from his previous life a few years before his murder (MAG009, Archivist: “Christopher Lorne was a member of the church and his family hadn’t heard from him in the six years prior to his murder.”)… could it be possible that Julia’s mother is actually… still alive… and very Invested in the cult…

* Robert apparently did these things in order to protect Julia from… the cult? The creature? Maxwell? Julia did highlight that protecting her was one of his concerns (MAG009: “He whispered to me then, when he thought I was asleep, promised to protect me, to make sure that ‘it wouldn’t get me too’.”), but she didn’t really come out of the story acknowledging that it was what he was trying to achieve, I felt – not even to renounce his methods or success. Even when we got her live-statement in MAG109, she presented his actions as unrelated to her. But what was Robert doing exactly, and why…?

* Julia highlighted that they didn’t get any money problems (MAG009: “it was only after his arrest that I discovered that had been the point he’d resigned his job on the police force. I don’t know where the money came from after that but we always seemed to have enough.”) sooo was Maxwell Rayner paying for Robert’s… services?

* Robert and Rayner apparently hated each other by the time of Robert’s imprisonment, when Rayner visited him in Wakefield Prison in late March 2002, a few months before getting butchered by The Dark’s creature (… or one of them):

(MAG052, Phillip Brown) “It was an older guy, I’d guess late 50s, wearing a well-tailored black suit and an expression of disgust. When I brought Montauk in, his face fell, and he went very pale. I’d helped folks beat Robert Montauk a dozen times or more, but I had never seen him look scared. He sat down opposite the old man, and they looked each other in the eye through the thick glass. I think the visitor might have been blind. His eyes were cloudy, but he had no cane or dog. And it didn’t seem to affect how he looked at Montauk. Neither of them spoke. The seconds turned into minutes and still they didn’t say a word. They just sat there staring. Given where I work, it’s really something to be able to say that I’ve never seen two people who hated each other as much as Robert Montauk and that old man.

[…] I was tense, ready to fight off Montauk if he decided to make a move, but instead, a soft voice came from out of the darkness. I didn’t recognise it, but I thought it sounded like it came from the old man, and I don’t think he was talking to me. [STATIC:] “You didn’t think you could kill it for long, did you?” [/STATIC] That’s what it said. Then Pete got the door open, and a shaft of light poured in from the corridor. I could once again see Montauk and the old man sat there, motionless. It didn’t seem like they’d moved an inch, though as I went to take Montauk back to his cell, I noticed that he was crying.”

But before that, Rayner had apparently sent Robert after his next targets (MAG009, Julia: “He asked me to tell my father that it was Detective Rayner on the line with a new case for him.”), so? Unless the last one was someone that Robert went after without Rayner’s approval? Christopher Lorne, Robert’s last victim, was the only identified one, and was confirmed to have belonged to the People’s Church of the Divine Host. Was he an exception, or were all the previous victims from the cult too? In that case, why the heck was Maxwell Rayner getting them killed…? Or were they typical sacrifices in the cult? What happened, for Rayner to have come to loathe Robert, although he previous appeared to be giving him instructions…?

* Unless… was the man who phoned the Montauk’s house and pretended to be “officer Rayner” actually Maxwell Rayner, or someone making fun of him? Julia mentioned that the voice was old (fitting Rayner, forever a bit old) but… that it had an accent (MAG009: “It was a breathy voice, like that of an old man, and at the time I decided he had a German accent, though, when I was young a lot of different nationalities and accents were lumped together in my mind under the label ‘German’.”). If we know one thing from Maxwell Rayner’s voice, at least during the XIXth century, it’s precisely… that it just sounded unremarkable in English (MAG098: “Both speak perfect English, with no accent I can recognise”) – though the statement also dealt with German folklore and Rayner Knew about it, so who knows. Same person, different perceptions? Body-hopping after all? “Maxwell Rayner” being a mantle and a role more than the same person/soul?

- tl;dr Given how The Dark has been a huge part of Julia’s story and there is still room for Questions regarding Robert Montauk… if the Archival staff is planning to go after the remnant of the cult, I really hope that it will be Julia’s cue to come back… Although it has been stated that she couldn’t handle the idea of travelling by boat for very long.

- Re: Manuela’s DRIVE, how fitting that this was also an episode in which Elias casually mentioned his own ~patron~ (I’m really glad that Peter and Elias are now using that word too! It had, so far, mostly been used by other people to refer to avatars’ gods, not avatars themselves presenting their gods this way). Elias rarely mentions The Eye unprompted, and there was something interesting in the way the plural “you” from Manuela’s statement, referring to Gertrude and Elias, became that implied “we” from Elias, referring to him and… Jon, nowadays.

(MAG135) ELIAS: Fine. Consider it a test – things are… coming, things that will need Jon to be far stronger and more willing to use his connection to our patron.

Not the first time Elias amalgamated Jon and himself in the same ~we~ (MAG092: “It doesn’t please your master?” “Our master, Jon.”) but it was especially noticeable since Manuela had totally reduced the relevant Eye agents to the Archivist and the Head of the Institute, too. I don’t know how to explain that but… I felt like there was a bit of an echo, between the fact that Manuela had her own “we” (“even with the loss of Darvish, we will still be victorious”) with clearly identified, more powerful figures (Maxwell, Darvish, Manuela herself), and the… Eye people. There is mostly Elias and Jon, they’re the ones with powers, and as Manuela is describing The Dark’s ritual coming closer at the time of her statement, I feel like the shadow of the Watcher’s Crown is silently looming in a corner?

- As usual: e v e r y t h i n g about Elias. It’s been twice in a row now that Peter appears in an episode only for Elias to do the same in the very next episode and it feels like a competition between the Two Bastards to claim the Throne. Or a friendly competition between Alasdair Stuart and Ben Meredith to see who will manage to make people laughscream the most.

Anyway, non-exhaustive bullet list of Elias being… Elias:

* Do you think he will manage to give ONE GOOD PERFORMANCE REVIEW ONE DAY. I mean, how did he handle Melanie, who worked the hardest of all the assistants in the beginning of season 3, who read the most statements after Martin, who was given work by Jon, and all despite the lack of Archival training&direction (as she called Elias out on)?

(MAG106) ELIAS: And… how are you finding it? MELANIE: Is that a joke? ELIAS: Aside from the obvious, I mean. MELANIE: Oh well, I… I suppose it’s been… unstructured. Without Jon around, and with you being sat up here lurking, there’s not been a lot of useful direction. ELIAS: I see. MELANIE: I mean, you pick out a statement occasionally, and Jon might phone in to ask after some… scrap of information, but to be honest, no one’s even really told me what an “archival assistant” is actually supposed to do.

[A FEW EVIL SPEECHES AND PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE SESSIONS LATER]

MELANIE: [BROKEN SOBS] ELIAS: Anyway. Aside from all of that, I’d say your performance has been… satisfactory.

Meanwhile, Jon, who managed to snap out of the chaos that was The Unknowing, saw through Nikola, managed to compel Tim back to awareness enough for Tim to use the detonator…

(MAG135) ELIAS: Consider it a test – things are… coming, things that will need Jon to be far stronger and more willing to use his connection to our patron. His performance during The Unknowing was… disappointing.

… was “disappointing”. THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAID IN MAG120, THOUGH, YOU JERK:

(MAG120) ELIAS: You’re doing well, Jon. I only hope you can continue your growth without my guidance.

Insert the “My job here is done.” “But you didn’t do anything…?” meme here.

Elias, just face it: you’re a shit boss, a shit manager, a shit leader, absolutely terrible when it comes to actually giving direction, they’re not responsible for this!! :w

* Well, at the same time, calm your Jon!boner Elias:

(MAG135) BASIRA: Then you messed up. Way he tells it, he doesn’t know how he got out of there. ELIAS: But he did. And his powers were no small part of it. Even if he required some assistance, they were what saved him. And he’s still achieved what no one – mortal, monster, or anything in-between – has ever been able to. He climbed out of The Buried. […] If Gertrude had a plan for this one, I haven’t found it, which is why Jon needs to be closer to The Eye. If anyone can stop what’s happening, he can. See through the darkness, etcetera.

I had wondered whether Jon wasn’t beginning to get a biiit more powerful than was to Elias’s taste (since he mentioned to Basira that he has given instructions to prevent Jon from visiting him if Jon was inclined to it in MAG127, and Jon demonstrated in MAG128 how he’s now able to… extract statements from unwilling subjects, plus the overall droplets of knowledge), but it sounds like it’s actually going according to plan. Elias had already mentioned that Jon was… supposed to grow his own powers and be the one to take care of The Unknowing, back in MAG102, but here, Elias came across as especially powerless compared to Jon (“I don’t know the details. Ny-Ålesund is a stronghold of The Dark, meaning I can’t see inside.”) and… not even trying to pretend anymore that He Has An Important Role On His Own. Jon is the Archivist, we knooow, we’ve been told, but what is Elias’s function in this mess, then…?

* I’m not sure that there is anything more behind the “detective” title he’s giving to Basira since, as mentioned another time… it was something Georgie initially used (MAG122: “You’re the detective.”) and Elias uses it precisely because Basira pointed out that it wasn’t her title?

(MAG135) ELIAS: Nice to see you again, detective. BASIRA: Still not a detective. Never was. ELIAS: Oh, but everyone else seems to be getting a title these days, why shouldn’t you– BASIRA: [SLAMS HANDS ON THE TABLE] Cut the shit! […] ELIAS: I rather feel the real shame would be letting the entire world fall into Darkness because of a single person’s wounded pride. Detective. The stakes are far too high for that kind of… indulgence. […] ELIAS: Good luck. Detective.

It sounds mostly, to me, like a cat staring you RIGHT IN THE EYES while slowly pushing your favourite mug off the table? Doing it just to piss her off? Elias never used “Archivist” with Jon either (except in statement-mode in MAG120, but he went back to “Jon” when addressing him directly through the tape right after the static had faded), so I’m not sure there is particular… substance to it. On the one hand, it would sound like the perfect title for a Hunter-Beholding activity (tailing someone or something and learning about their privacy, potentially cumulating both fears of being hunted and exposed). On the other hand, I can’t help but feel like it could be another jab at Martin, who had mentioned his own lack of special pet name:

(MAG092) ELIAS: You think you’re the only police officer eager to do violence and call it justice? No, there are plenty of other rabid dogs out there, mad with the Hunt.

(MAG116) ELIAS: Oh, and, Jon, technically, I can’t stop you, but I would heavily advise against bringing any… rogue… elements. MARTIN: You can just say Tim.

(MAG118) MARTIN: Oh. That’s it, isn’t it! Martin’s just acting out! I mean, Daisy’s a rabid dog, and Melanie’s a potential killer; Tim’s a… a, a rogue element, but Martin? Oh, Martin’s just, just acting out! He’ll have a cry, and a lie-down, and feel much better!

(And once again: Elias did mention that Jon had received ~assistance~ to get out of the coffin… but managed to not name Martin directly, pfftttr.)

* Even more rattling chain sounds every time Elias opens his mouth => he’s using his hands a l o t when talking, uh. Gesturing person. VERY dramatic person. Is it a prerequisite for working at the Institute, was that the reason Elias chose Jon as the next Archivist.

* Oooh, Elias.

(MAG135) BASIRA: [SLAMS HANDS ON THE TABLE] Cut the shit! What are you playing at? ELIAS: I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.

When you’re playing at too many things at the same time that you can honestly not answer that question.

* Overall: I LIVE FOR ALL THE ELIAS-BASIRA EXCHANGES THIS SEASON… In season 1 and 2, they probably would have had very civil and cordial discussions but… beginning season 3, yes, Elias had begun to Let It Out way more (was it costing him that much to hold off and to appear proper and respectable? … or did the role just become Free Ben Estate.) and it’s even worse now. He’s so bratty and petty, and Basira had always been so straight-to-the-point and no-bullshit (except when it comes to office gossip) that it’s delightful and feels like she has to handle a spoiled brat while not being paid enough for this.

(MAG135) BASIRA: If you’re lying about this– ELIAS: You’ll kill me? [HUFF] I can hardly wait. [STEPS DEPARTING]

eLIAS, THAT’S LOW (the thing about kill-me-and-you’re-all-dying still stands, that’s precisely why they chose to get him arrested) AND YOU HAVE NO PRIDE YOURSELF.

* Though I am also very mad that Elias confirmed that His Plan regarding Basira’s investigations… was to get her out, because she’s Jon’s impulse-control.

(MAG135) ELIAS: Would you simply believe I wanted you and Daisy reunited? BASIRA: No. ELIAS: Fine.

I LOVE BASIRA SO M U C H…

Elias… called Basira out on her “pride” (“I rather feel the real shame would be letting the entire world fall into Darkness because of a single person’s wounded pride. Detective.”), and I’m worried that he might be spot-on on this one, like he was with Melanie and Tim. Though he’s currently nurturing Basira’s frustrations – sending her all over the globe before basically admitting that she couldn’t have done anything relevant herself? Now talking her down? Insisting that Jon is their best chance, apparently not taking her into consideration at all except as a potential messenger? Offering an “idea” that turned out to have been manipulation, and now giving new instructions while highlighting that she’s in no position to refuse? Either he’s still awfully bad when it comes to hurting people and not expecting them to get back at you, either he’s Compensating Hard for the prison time, either he’s trying to foster harsh reactions from Basira (and it won’t help her to warm up to Jon if Elias keeps presenting Jon as their most reliable chance ;;).

- I am HYSTERICAL over the fact that we’re finally getting another bit of something related to Elias’s backstory and that it’s that he was apparently acquainted with MAXWELL RAYNER:

(MAG135, Manuela Dominguez) “I come to you with a warning. And an offer. When you read this, I would consider it a great favour if you could share my words with the Head of your Institute. Tell him that Maxwell Rayner sends his regards and offers… sanctuary. A time of holy Darkness is at hand, when The Eye will close forever, and in the spirit of the friendship they once shared, he offers an opportunity – to surrender. Forsake the Ceaseless Watcher; abandon your position, and you shall be spared in the Blind World to come. In the spirit of reconciliation, and to convince you of our sincerity… I offer my story. Much as it may pain me to feed the sick voyeur that lurks in this place.

[…] That’s all I really came here to say! To let you know we had succeeded. And to make your boss an offer on behalf of Maxwell. […] So by all means, do your worst. Or prostrate yourself, both of you, before the Forever Blind – and perhaps you might be spared. Maxwell and I await your decision, with keen interest.”

ELIAS……………………

And nothing says more than “(ex)friendship” than confirming that you gave a tip to Section 31 to ensure they would go after and get rid of your old ~~friend~~, uh:

(MAG073) ARCHIVIST: […] Oddly enough, all I can think about is how did the police know where Rayner was keeping the boy? Basira didn’t seem to know, and the Church clearly wasn’t expecting the police to arrive. With a few exceptions, Rayner managed to stay off the grid for two decades. How did they find him now? Someone must have known what was happening and tipped them off. And I don’t think it was anyone inside that building.

(MAG135) ELIAS: You thought the final death of Maxwell Rayner might have sufficiently derailed them? Yes, that was my hope too, but alas it would seem not. BASIRA: Maxwell… You… You called in that tip, sent us out to their warehouse. ELIAS: And now I’m sending you out again.

(I’m so glad that it was confirmed!)

Until now, almost everything we had about Elias’s… life outside of the Institute was the Infamous Bits about His Official Backstory (which directly contradicted the small mention from MAG029 that he was a filing clerk at the Institute in 1972 – or at least, highlighted that uhoh, something doesn’t match here and that’s a twenty-years difference, the staff should have noticed):

(MAG049) ARCHIVIST: Supplemental. Elias Bouchard is a difficult man to pin down, certainly since he became head of the Institute in 1996 […]. It was a remarkably fast climb to the top, as from what I can find, it looks like he only joined the Institute five years before, in 1991, working in the Artefact Storage. […] And yet, everything I found out about his life before the Institute seems… an ill fit with the austere man I know. He apparently graduated with a Third from Christ Church’s College in PPE, and I found an old gossip column in the student newspaper that – sure well – that mentioned him. If I’m not reading too much into it, the implication seems to be that he was… something of a… pothead [CHUCKLES]. Was he… like that when he first came to work here…?

If this information is accurate: the time of Elias’s studies and his starting at the Institute would match the time-period during which the People’s Church of the Divine Host were officially active (MAG009: “a small cult that grew around the defrocked Pentecostal minister Maxwell Rayner in London during the late eighties and early nineties. […] Mr. Rayner himself disappeared from public view sometime in 1994 and the group fragmented shortly afterwards.”). How the heck did Elias apparently meet him, though? And mostly: … how could Rayner even have The Audacity to offer for them to just… resign? Manuela mentioned that she supposed “there is also an element of provocation here as well” and YOU DON’T SAY…

Wild hypotheses about the Rayner-Elias relationship, not in any particular order of Seriousness:

* Since Manuela only referred to “the Head of the Institute”, without naming Elias, and she referred to the fact that Rayner had been around for very long (we have a statement mentioning him from 1864): it’s an Old Thing, whether or not “Elias” is actually Jonah Magnus. (At the same time… given The Show that Elias is currently putting on, he really doesn’t read to me as being potentially 200+y old? He sounds way too immature and petty and frustrated to be this old?)

* Okay, so amongst the Eye-folks, there seems to be a trend of ���x all the Entities”. Gertrude: thwarting all the Entities’ rituals. Jon: getting whumped by all the Entities and having scars to Show. Martin, man of 16 Fears: being courted by all the Entities. Elias: bedding all the Entities??

* Elias was a member of the cult during his Wild Days, before swinging another way when it began to crumble and/or before getting a Revelation at the Institute?

- … It’s also possible that the things about “friendship” were actually awfully sarcastic and cruel in their own ways. We have had the example of Mike Crew who was pursued by an entity and managed to escape it by giving himself fully to another, it… could have been something like that with Elias, too? Escaping the Dark by throwing himself into Beholding?

One thing I find striking is that, quite often, when we learned about the Spooky backstory of people who are currently tied to the Institute, Beholding wasn’t exactly the main Fear that they had encountered – mostly, they witnessed someone around them getting taken by a Fear, and were spectators who didn’t try (or manage) to stop it and… pressed on to know what was happening:

(MAG081) ARCHIVIST: And of course, in my heart, I knew that no-one else could have possibly seen anything as horrible as I had. Well, maybe I could have named one person, but… I watched him disappear forever. […] I had no idea what was going on, not really, but I was somehow desperate to get that book back. He was much bigger than me, though, so all I could do was follow as he walked down alleys and side streets. […] A strange conviction that, if I had been able to face that thing myself, maybe I could have saved him. Stopped it. Ridiculous, of course, I was eight.

(MAG101) MICHAEL: When he was in school, [Michael Shelley] lost a friend to something like me. His friend was named Ryan, but those in power simply called him schizophrenic. I don’t know if he was, but it doesn’t matter. He was so dreadfully afraid his world wasn’t real that to make it so was almost nothing. Michael was there when he was taken; he never got over what he saw. Or didn’t see. After much searching and despair, it drove him into the waiting arms of the Institute, where he met Gertrude Robinson.

(MAG104) TIM: I always tell myself there was some force there. Something that held me in place and meant that all I could do was watch. But sometimes when I think back, I remember how my legs shook, and maybe I could move. … Maybe I’m just a coward.

(Tim was literally a SPECTATOR in a theatre… Plus, add Basira who witnessed one colleague be taken by Diego Molina during her first Section 31’d case, and another colleague get killed by Natalie Ennis; Daisy who saw her colleague be taken by the coffin during her first Section 31’d case; Melanie… who didn’t lose anyone close to her in the process but still witnessed the strange things happening to “Sarah”, and a ghost getting butchered in the train.)

Survivor’s bias, but still noticeable – does Beholding put a claim on almost everyone who survived a Spooky encounter, maybe?

So I don’t know, really, but somethingsomething could the Dark actually have been the experience that originally pushed Elias towards the Institute…? (Jon had assumed, and seemed to have been validated in that regard, that Elias had trouble Watching in the tunnels, which are notoriously very dark. Perhaps the best way to insure Elias would shut the heck up would be to… plainly put a blindfold on him, and he would turn catatonic.)

- Meanwhile: Peter was mentioned for the first time in MAG033, appeared for the first time in episode MAG100. He has had a speaking presence in five episodes since then. He has been an absolute chatterbox when it comes to Elias – there has been no episode in which he didn’t mention him. Elias has been around since MAG017, has had a speaking presence in… eight? episodes since Peter appeared. And still. Has made. No mention. Whatsoever. Of. Any. “Peter Lukas”. Elias………………

(- Assuming that they do know each other, given that Elias said that:

(MAG135) ELIAS: Have you ever seen the Aurora borealis? It’s lovely this time of year. It would be a shame to lose them.

… Did he see them while on The Tundra? Romantikku.)

- Elias managed to not even mention Martin when describing that Jon had ~received help~ to get out of the coffin, and I want to believe that he’s still bitter about his arrest. Though… I really got the feeling, with MAG134 and how Martin described it, that it was The Web and… interestingly, Elias didn’t seem as wary of what happened as Peter.

(MAG135) BASIRA: Then you messed up. Way he tells it, he doesn’t know how he got out of there. ELIAS: But he did. And his powers were no small part of it. Even if he required some assistance, they were what saved him. And he’s still achieved what no one – mortal, monster, or anything in-between – has ever been able to. He climbed out of The Buried.

So either it was actually Beholding guiding Martin there, either it gives some credentials to the idea that Elias had been collaborating or tolerating The Web at the Institute for a long while? There is also that strange connection between Jon and Martin: the fact that Martin just knew that Jon was alive (MAG088, Martin: “It’s the not knowing, you know? I mean, Jon’s still alive. Not sure why, but I’m sure of that. But Sasha, I…”) + the “DIG” from the same episode’s statement, read by Martin, creeping into Jon’s dreams (MAG120). So still no certainties about it but… there is something.

- I… am… very… wary… of the way Elias is OH SO VERY CONVENIENTLY pushing in the direction of Jon’s own uncertainty.

(MAG135) ARCHIVIST: I mean, the Sun’s still there so I assume they failed. Unless they’re still… waiting to attempt it. That’s not the sort of statement you give… four years before you try to actually… ! … Or is it… The timeframes on these, er, “attempts”, the–these rituals, well… they seem variable, to say the least. When I try to think about it, uh– […] [SIGH] I’ll keep digging. If there is another ritual upcoming, I’ll need all the information I can get on it. I can’t believe Gertrude didn’t have a plan for it. I hope I’m just being over-cautious, that it’s already long since dealt with, but… we’ll see. […] I can’t afford to be just living one day at a time, I need… a plan. But I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve… And no one… no one wants to tell me. Hm. [SIGH] End recording.

(MAG135) ELIAS: I have been observing a recent increase in people and supplies being moved to the small town of Ny-Ålesund, in Svalbard. An increase which I believe may be linked to a rather desperate attempt, by the People’s Church of the Divine Host, to perform a crude ritual of their own. To bring their… “Mr. Pitch”… into the world. […] I don’t know the details. Ny-Ålesund is a stronghold of The Dark, meaning I can’t see inside. I… believe they call it “The Extinguished Sun”, though that’s as much as I know. If Gertrude had a plan for this one, I haven’t found it, which is why Jon needs to be closer to The Eye. If anyone can stop what’s happening, he can. See through the darkness, etcetera. […] Feel free to do your own research to confirm what I’m telling you. Just don’t take too long.

It… it sounds way too much like throwing Jon a bone to ensure that he will get a Dark scar/experience, since Jon had been unable to Know whether Gertrude had managed to stop them or not. It doesn’t feel like Elias is taking this threat too seriously (compare it to the way he had handled The Unknowing?!), but more that he’s pretty confident that they won’t manage anyway and that he can… totally afford to be totally shitty about it since, anyway, he knows that Jon and the others will get worried and will get invested because they can’t afford to risk allowing another ritual to succeed? I find it hard to believe that The Dark is currently any threat but I totally understand that just in case, yes, the Archive Team would feel like they must intervene.

… and with The Lonely (and The Extinction), the only physical scars/marks that Jon is still missing? Are from The Dark. He’s never experienced it directly either and… catapulting him over to Svalbard sounds like the IDEAL opportunity for it, uh. Elias didn’t explicitly say that stopping The Dark was why he needed Jon to get stronger – there were two separate things, he implied causality but… didn’t explicitly say that it was the case so. Suspicious. Of course he would need Jon stronger for The Eye’s ritual, ultimately, after all…?

… But another thing that makes me flip out? IS THAT ELIAS IS NOW FACTORING IN THAT JON CARES FOR THE EXTENDED ARCHIVE TEAM:

(MAG092) ELIAS: You may believe yourself to have friends, to have confidantes, but in the end, all they are, is something for you to watch, to know, and ultimately to discard.

(MAG135) ELIAS: […] His performance during The Unknowing was… disappointing. I needed a way to force him to harness his ability more acutely than he had before. The coffin was a useful tool; Daisy an adequate bait.

………………… and yes, Jon will probably get a new injury on the way: he’ll get mauled by one of the Dark creatures in best case scenario, he could lose his eyes at worst (… does he even need them nowadays. I mean, YES it would be heart-breaking but. It sounds like One Of These Things very likely to happen to him.)… but I’m more worried about Basira.

Because if Elias is now factoring in that to push Jon further, you have to use the fact that he cares, Ny-Ålesund sounds like a Big Danger for BASIRA.

She was there when Maxwell Rayner was killed.

The only other witnesses were police officers (all Section 31’d nowadays). She didn’t kill Rayner herself but. But. I do not trust Elias one second to not spread (or have already spread) misleading rumours letting Dark cultists think that Basira had been the one to kill Maxwell Rayner. Jon had noticed people wearing the People’s Church pendants outside (MAG123) and we still don’t know why they’re hanging around so close to the Institute but really… I can’t help but feel like if they’re targeting someone, it’s Basira, and not Jon.

- About Jon’s feeling regarding the way the other staff members look at him…

(MAG135) ARCHIVIST: I don’t… like interacting with the rest of the Institute these days. The way they look at me, I– … I don’t know. I don’t know what they’ve heard, what the rumours going around are, but… they have definitely heard something…! [SIGH] And they can’t wait until they don’t have to talk to me anymore. Can’t honestly say I blame them, none of this is easy. Everyone’s just trying to get through as best they can. Living one day at a time. 

I’m not sure of what is happening, so:

* Is there indeed something noticeable in Jon nowadays? A gaze a bit too intense, an overall aura, something that makes you think “he’s spooky” without being able to pinpoint how? Too many eyes? Daisy was in the room when he read MAG133’s statement, I still feel like if anyone would be able to tell… it would be her.

* Alternatively, it… could also be an effect of the Lonely, again, since Jon had mentioned feeling isolated/lonely and… he’s very prone to feeling this as soon as he’s physically alone. It could just be that Jon feels like he can’t connect and that nobody wants to talk to him, while people are just… behaving towards him normally, but the Lonely is warping his perception.

* Alternatively: did Peter spread rumours on him through memos.

* Alternatively… oh, Jon… there could be so many reasons for people to not want to get involved with you Just In Case… Objectively: the Archives were attacked by Prentiss’s worms in Summer 2016. Jon was a mess for the following six months, before a body was discovered in the Archives and Sasha disappeared; Jon was on the run and the prime suspect. He came back and was on and off for a few months… before Tim died in an explosion in the Wax Museum alongside him, and Jon was hospitalised. And now he’s back. He means trouble, he means danger and, yes, people thought that Tim was having a breakdown when he was ranting about what was actually happening (as Martin told Jon in MAG102) but… Tim was popular. Tim used to be social, chatting with students and acting as relay between them and Jon (when they noticed errors in MAG033)… and Tim died.

Even Tim aside, there was the matter of Elias’s arrest and… Elias looked like he was actually well-liked by the staff? He was invested in the Institute’s life:

(MAG098) MELANIE: Uh, Martin? Have you seen Elias? MARTIN: Oh, uh… no. But Tuesday lunch he normally meets with the Library staff, I think?

And Rosie was chill with him (you don’t go “Yep, will do” at a boss you fear…). It’s possible that people resented Jon for Elias’s arrest and/or thought that Jon had framed him (which. to be honest.)? There are so many reasons for people to just… be wary of him, indeed…

- Jon’s voice was… something, at the beginning of MAG135. Sulky, tired, crushed? He reminded me of how he had introduced MAG129’s statement right after his encounter with Martin (clearly… unwell and plain sad); could have been caused by what he recounted regarding his interactions with the rest of the Institute, or by the content of the statement itself (it… wasn’t great news and Jon had no certainty about a possible positive outcome), but I wonder if it mightn’t be that reading statements left by Avatars is more taxing, since they’re more involved with the Fears? Does it feed Beholding a bit too much? He was very tired after Jane Prentiss’s; he collapsed after Breekon’s; he was clearly not fine with Manuela’s here. The only exception I can think of is MAG074 – Fatigue, which left him exhausted despite not apparently being (as far as we know) from an avatar?

- Raise your hand if Jon keeps slowly breaking your heart into small pieces when he has to tell himself, again and again, that he has to focus and that he can’t save everyone…

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: I… heard someone. He was begging for me to save him. Said he couldn’t breathe. … I can barely breathe. I couldn’t find him. But I am… n–not here for him. I don’t even know him.

(MAG135) ARCHIVIST: At least, the coffin’s gone. I gave Artefact Storage some very specific instructions, and they’ve got it solidly sealed away. … Is locking it up the right thing to do? There are other people in there. And Daisy and I got out, but– … No, I, uh… I can’t think about that. Even if I could somehow be sure of recreating our escape, I–I can’t save everyone that’s been taken. I–It’s not my job to try, I– And I can’t spend another three days in there, I just… I need to let it go.

(But I’m still worried that this could be… how Gertrude started out, too. At first focusing on people around her and on the missions ahead, before gradually coming to thinking that the others were necessarily sacrifices for the Greater Good. Though in Jon’s case: he’s been… very consistently upset and sad for victims overall. So right now, he’s encouragingly… totally unlike Gertrude. Caring so much.)

- Bring as many torches as you can, once again. And your Web lighter, Jon? What happened to that one since the end of season 3 ;;

(… They don’t even need to go to Svalbard, actually, since there was still the matter of St. Paul’s Church in West Hackney, from MAG063, though Jon hadn’t managed to find any connection with the People’s Church of the Divine Host but… it was clearly a Dark creature lurking there? And the statement was from 2014.)

- If Team Archive goes to Norway in a group expedition trip… I’m picturing the door of the Archives, closed. Jon having left a note warning people that they’ll be away for a week or two, the Archives will be closed during that time. Scribble from Daisy underneath: “If we don’t die.” (Helen having added “Of fun!”, before adding something else about this door being closed, but people can still knock if they need a door, she’d do her bestest.) Melanie put a message encouraging to NOT take a job here if they happen to hire new staff after their disappearances in ~dark conditions~. Basira tried to salvage the memo with a mention about contacting the police with a mention of Section 31 if they failed. Martin passing by, one day, and losing it because pETER, WHAT DID YOU ALLOW TO HAPPEN AGAIN, YOU SAID THEY WOULD BE SAFE–

- Elias said the words “SVALBARD” and “AURORA BOREALIS” in an episode about “DARK MATTER”, so my heart is screaming and seeing this as His Dark Materials representation. Come on, the Archives crew are millennials, they have read the trilogy, right right right? :w

… Well, maybe not Jon, who probably didn’t manage to finish the first volume and/or gave up on the second one when he realized that Will’s cat wouldn’t be the main protagonist. (Maybe he secretly stanned Lyra a bit for her tendency to just run away from the College. And also panserbjørne. He would stan The Bears.) Sasha’s first dream job was to be a witch because Serafina was DANG COOL, with becoming an aeronaut coming in close second; cue Heated Bi Debates with Tim, because his tiny bi heart had been awakened through other options (Lord Asriel? Terrible, but hot!! Marisa Coulter? Terrible but hella hot!!). Basira got her lesbian awakening with Mary – smart clever scientist who went Fuck Injustice? Sign her up. Melanie loved Will, loved WILL’S KNIFE, and also loved to read about bears savagely murdering each other (oh no, sheer horror if she ever finds out she had that in common with Jon!). Helen might need to have the story told to her but she goes “!! I can open doors and Windows too! :D”. Georgie loved the technology and the Gallivespians communicating through Lodestone resonators (… actually, Jon probably made her think about the Gallivespians. A lot). … Aza mentioned to me that “ahah, Martin must have projected so hard on Will” and I hate her, it was supposed to be all fun headcanons but oh no now it’s awfully sad (=> Will’s mother being sick and needing his help! Not being reliable, but it doesn’t matter, she loves him! And turns out that Will’s dad had never abandoned them, not exactly, and that he had always loved them all very much!) (YEAH NOW IT’S SUPER SAD WHEN THINKING ABOUT MARTIN PROJECTING.)

(Let’s compensate the Sad by thinking about Jon and the assistants going on a boat trip to Norway, and NOTHING BAD HAPPENING, they’ll manage to neutralise the Dark’s feeble attempt and nobody will die or be gravely injured or traumatised by anything :| So they get to enjoy the trip, even if it’s probably on the Tundra and Jon is seething because still no sign of Peter Lukas anywhere, Martin is there though mostly inaccessible (… all alone on the boat to fuel it?), but Jon still managed to grab him at some point to have Meaningful Discussions in the cold of the deck, at night, when they’re undignifiedly bundled up in layers and layers of down jackets, Martin being especially starry-eyed at the starry sky because as he had mentioned in MAG113, he never got to travel much, and he’s getting Something Nice for once even if it’s when on their way to probably die a dark death – but they don’t and it stays something nice :[)

(What do you mean, I slept 2h30 last night and worked overtime today and I’m surviving thanks to my 7th coffee.)

MAG136’s title is out and AAAAAAAAAAAAH???? WEB??? WEB??? I want to think that a twist could be at work here (The Corruption and The Desolation ought to be offended, tfw still no episode almost halfway into season 4 :w) but it screams WEB, it screams especially strongly SHE, SHE, THE WIFE… Though Annabelle was “the story-spinner” and this is another title altogether. On the one hand, Jon has been repeatedly lamenting over his overall lack of direction, so it could be Her Cue to go see him in person or send him someone who survived her… but on the other hand mmmm, too soon for that maybe? Could also be something about Raymond Fielding, perhaps? (Or twist and it’s not Web.) (… second-meaning could be about so many people… Peter? Elias (ha, he wished.)? Annabelle?)

[triscribe]

Foster Witch

Don’t mind me, posting some notes about my new project for all and sundry to see...

How often does a kid get to say their new foster parent is an honest to goodness, spell-casting, ritual-singing witch? Well, Becky Jones is now one such foster teen, though she’s been in and out of enough homes not to be convinced by first impressions alone.

But the longer she spends with Ruth Rivers, the more Becky starts to think that, even without the magic stuff, her new caretaker is a pretty cool person.

Through the mundane days of school and homework, to holiday road trips across the width and breadth of the country, these two individuals are going to discover that, sometimes, there is no greater magic that the bonds of found family.

Main characters:

Becky Jones - seventeen, about to start junior year of high school, gets approached by Ruth during her children’s home Visiting Day. “What, you just saw me sitting over here reading instead of mingling, and decided to come say hi?” “Yeah, pretty much.”

Ruth Rivers, aka Natalie Ruth Bridger - thirty, independent artist, farmer, writer, and witch, has decided to take a big step in her life by bringing a teenager into it. “Let’s put it this way: I’m definitely your caretaker, but Parent is a title you get to decide to use or not. I’m perfectly happy being referred to as your foster aunt, foster cousin, foster roommate who can drive - whatever you feel comfortable with. Bottom line, I’m responsible for your safety and well-being. Beyond that, I’d like to impart some life lessons I would’ve considered helpful at your age, along with homework help, a broadening of your media horizons, and- well, whatever you need, really.”

Pass and Grae- Ruth’s familiars, a female golden retriever and male gray cat, respectively. They both enjoy lounging, whether that’s next to the woman or in any warm spot in general, and sometimes lend themselves to spell-casting. “You always have to ask their permission. Cats never do anything they don’t want to, and ordering rather than asking is the quickest way to cause them to ignore you out of spite. Dogs are generally more obedient, but it’s still polite to offer them the option of saying no.”

Other animals on Ruth’s property include half a dozen hens, a rooster, two lesbian ducks, a pig named Mister Dug, a guard donkey called Bobette, the retired stud bull Milkshake, three nitwit sheep and their goat leader, and Grae’s extended relations who keep the place clear of rodents, snakes, and such (including his parents, two aunts and an uncle, various siblings, half-siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews). At some point in the story, Becky finds and brings home an orphaned squirrel, whom she names Queer, and even after growing up and moving back outside, he sticks around the homestead, recognized by the rest of its inhabitants as one of their own.

Additional characters:

Scooter Zimms - Ruth’s neighbor just down the hill, a grumpy old man who minds the animals when she goes out of town and checks in from time to time to make sure she’s taking proper care of herself too. “He’s what we call an Ironclad Marshmallow - once you get past the rough exterior, he’s just a softy inside, one who thinks it’s good to have a local witch around and that you can never give a cat too many treats.”

Kay Blandersen - one of Becky’s classmates and former foster roommates, who has a hard time being non-binary when very few of the adults responsible for them care to understand the term. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, the Nelsons are nice folks - but they just, don’t get it. And I don’t get the feeling they’re really invested in trying to get it, either.” “I’m sorry, kiddo. I know how that feels. But, hey, you won’t be stuck in a small town forever; sooner or later you’ll be free to get out into the great wide world, and there’ll be a whole crowd of folks who do get it, whether they’re the same as you or not. And it’s going to be great, I promise.”

Joshie Dell - another classmate and local trans boy, also a social outcast who, along with Kay and Becky, find a warm welcome in Ruth’s home. “My dad’s been pretty cool about it, but now whenever my aunt and uncle come by they get rude, and he argues with them, and I just- I want to be me without putting a strain on everything, y’know?” “Yeah, I know. At the end of the day, though, you are only responsible for yourself, and they are the ones responsible for their actions. There’s no shame in cutting off ties to people who can’t accept who you are.”

Ticah Woods - an old college roommate of Ruth’s, who first introduced her to the proper ways of magic, and with whom she exchanges occasional letters. She stops by at one point to drop off some felted soap, garden seeds, and a new embroidery pattern for stitching spells of subtle protection directly into clothing. “I could’ve done more to hide the magic stuff from her, but honestly, from day one Ruth seemed like the kind of person who would do well with it, either as an ally or a witch herself. So, I started casting spells a bit more openly, and after watching for a while she asked if I’d teach her some stuff, and like they say, the rest is history.”

Marsha Bell - Ruth’s mom, who she converted into witchhood via the benefits of familiars, and runs a visitation farm down in central Texas. The girls go visit her for the winter holidays. “Nattie! Oh, I’ve missed you so much, c’mere and give me a hug- And you must be Becky! It’s so nice to finally meet you, Nattie’s told me a lot in her letters, but I can’t wait to get to know you in person!”

Aerie Strangeness - a witch friend of Ruth’s who lives in Tennessee. She hosts the girls for a night on their summer trip up north. “Oh goodness, I’ve known Ruth here almost a full decade, now - a mutual friend put us in touch on the internet because we share a love of storytelling, actually. It was just coincidence we both happened to be magical, but for sure a happy one!”

Emma Bridger - Ruth’s paternal aunt, also a witch, who lives in Philadelphia, far away from anyone else in their family. The girls stop by to visit her on their summer trip, using a Witch Way to get from the outskirts to the heart of the city and skip traffic or overnight parking fees. “Well, actually, neither of us knew the other was a witch until Ruthie first visited by herself as an adult, oh, six or seven years ago at this point. We’ve stayed in touch a lot more since then.”

Gail Hills - Ruth’s best friend, also a witch, who lives in Massachusetts, where she visits for an extended stay every summer. The girls spend two weeks with her during July. “Ha, no, just Gail - but Ruth likes to claim it’s short for ‘Abigail’, so she can pull out my ‘full name’ whenever she’s pretending to be mad at me over something.”

@yogurtbear242, @danger-flammable, you two ought to have fun reading this one. ;)

[lexa-el-amin]

(I) I actually wanted to message you sooner or longer but I also felt like intruding because I can be too chatty sometimes (overcompensation to the fact that I'm rather quiet in person). I'm very glad that you've been enjoying this exchange as much as I have :) I think the fic would be very reflective of who I am, writers do that, right? They put parts of themselves into their characters so I guess by sharing it with you, I just hope to be known even more. It's nothing special or amazing tho.

(II) wlw and their obsession with fingers and jawlines and forearms and collarbone! But it's such an impossible standard to live up to! My eternal chubby cheeks just don't scream 'cool queer with deadly jawline' hahaha... Yes yes, I have watched that one too! The storyline is delivered delicately that I didn't even feel disappointed that there wasn't even a kiss or anything overt. It's beautiful in its subtle depth. And it's true isn't it? Now Hollywood is the one that needs to catch up.

(III) Oh yes, I live in Indonesia, but English feels more like my native tongue. I will tell you the details later on after the reveal (character limit sucks!) I seriously believe that Christmas miracle has brought such two similar souls together (I'm gonna sound so corny if I continue this line of thought) but yeah, I can understand your wishes for the new year and finding the balance of loving and caring for yourself with your sense of obligation to the family.

(IV) I'm glad that you're already on this path of self-revelation and appreciation. I'm glad that you're unafraid to admit when you need help, that seeking help isn't a weakness or a burden for those who truly care for you. I spent my 20s (I'm 29) fully caring for others, providing for my family, supporting my friends and partners in their growth that I just completely forgot about myself and yeah, I wish this new year I'd get to listen and love myself more. So cheers to that!

___

Hey Santa 😊 don't worry, you are definitely not intruding, I was quite excited for your messages, even though it takes me a while to respond sometimes. i am very intrigued to read your fic and you are right, writers pour part of themselves into their stories. it's at least the case for me as well.

honestly, i think someone started the jawline hype one day and we just all jumped onto the train. i don't think I have ever payed attention to anyone's jawline in real life. i can't even come up with the german word right now, because that's how under the radar jawlines are in Germany 😄 but I guess when you look at gifs and pictures it just has a much bigger appeal to focus on certain body parts.

totally, the plot of the movie was so carefully crafted and moving, you could just tell that the writer of the script spoke from her heart.

i definitely would love to hear more info about you and indonesia and such. and it is indeed a very lovely coincidence that we got put together, it made the christmas days that much sweeter, so thank you for that :)

thank you for your kind words, i struggle a lot with the getting help aspect, but i think i am slowly getting there. everyone has their own speed with these things. take care of yourself, santa, 2020 is dedicated to self-care and self-love. we desperately need to claim room for ourselves.

[thesffcorner]

What If It’s Us

What If It’s Us is a YA collaborative romance written by Adam Silvera and Becky Albertalli. It follows two boys: Arthur, a high school junior who is in New York for a summer internship at his mother’s law firm; and Ben, a New Yorker who is spending his summer in remedial chemistry classes. The two meet at the Post Office, as Ben is sending a box of his ex-boyfriend’s things, but they separate before they even get each other’s name. So could it be serendipity? This book, was not for me. I need to stress that it’s not because it’s a bad book; it’s a perfectly serviceable YA romance, and it even has some genuine moments. But man, I’m too old for this kind of story. If you are a teen, or like reading YA that’s geared pretty young you might enjoy this; if you are like me, you will just mostly be bored and disappointed. To start off, it was a struggle to get into this. Just based on the writing here, it’s unlikely that I will ever pick up another Silvera or Albertalli book. I found both of their writing styles grating, especially Albertalli, whose character Arthur was so insufferable for the first third of the book, I almost gave up. What got me through the end, was some of the humor and the sheer curiosity to see how it would end. Let’s start with the writing. I vastly preferred Silvera’s chapters over Albertalli; he is much more cynical and down to Earth, Ben was a character I related to a lot more, and his sense of humor was much closer to mine. The parts of this book I liked the best were the scenes between Dylan and Ben (who I thought had way more chemistry than Arthur and Ben, imho), and their banter was hilarious. Silvera has a good grip on writing dialogue that’s sharp, fast and funny, with characters making a joke and riffing on it until it becomes absurd, and that’s exactly the type of humor I enjoy. However, his sections weren’t flawless; in fact, I think as the book went on, I found I cared more for Arthur’s part of the story, while Ben’s meandered, and a lot of the things that made Ben and his story interesting were pushed in the background, for the sake of the romance. Albertalli’s chapters started out really poorly; the first chapter from Arthur was incredibly grating, and I couldn’t stand his naive, overly-enthusiastic, sheltered energy. He was incredibly pushy and obsessive, and the extra mile he went to, to not only talk to Ben, but also find him bordered on stalker territory. He does improve as the book goes on, and I appreciated the few moments he matures and shows some teeth. But I had the same issues with Arthur’s chapters as I did with Simon from Simon and the Homo-sapiens Agenda; the overly happy tone, the really corny jokes, the obsession with musicals, celebrities, and especially New York. What I will give this book credit for is that Silvera and Albertali have nicely contrasting writing styles that worked really well together. When Arthur and Ben do find each-other, their dialogue is appropriately funny and awkward, and I could tell that the people writing their relationship were friends. I also had no issue distinguishing between Albert or Ben, even though both PoV’s were first person. Where a lot of the issues started for me, was the plot. As someone who lived in NYC, I can totally believe that Arthur and Ben would be able to find eachother again after separating without knowing each other’s names. What I had a hard time believing was the speed at which their relationship progressed, and some of the relationship they had with the side characters. This book, has some of the wildest coincidences and contrived moments I’ve read, and it really, really didn’t work with the main theme of the story. The essential question of this book is: what do you do, if you find your soulmate at the worst time? Do you try and make it work? Should you even try if you know it won’t last? Can you truly know it won’t last? It’s absolutely the worst time for Albert and Ben to date; they are both seniors, Ben lives in NYC and Albert in Georgia. Ben isn’t good at school, and his college prospects are both limited and he himself isn’t particularly interested in college. Albert is applying to Yale. Is it even worth to pursue a relationship, if they know they have at most 2 months? The book tries to take a ‘realistic’ approach to these questions, not just with the ending (which we’ll get to), but everything else to. The first date Arthur and Ben have is awkward. They fight. They misunderstand each other. There is a bit where one of the characters gets tickets to a really popular Broadway show, but due to his perpetual lateness, they miss the chance to see the show. But at the same time, this is a book where bitter exes magically become friends again, where a parent flies her kids’ best friends all the way from Georgia to New York for a single day, and two boys fall in love in the course of 2 weeks. Look, you can either have a genuinely ‘realistic’ look at relationships between young people, be they romantic or platonic, or you can make it cheesy; it can’t really be both. The entire plot with Ben is about how his friend group ended up hooking up with each other and now they no longer speak to one another. You can’t expect me to believe that they will just magically become friends again after that. The same thing goes for Arthur; yes the situations are presented as uncomfortable and awkward, but it still felt overly contrived. Everything that the boys are worried about ends up not being true: Arthur is afraid his best friend isn’t okay with his sexuality, and his parents are divorcing? Nope, false alarm. Ben might have to repeat junior year, and his friend has a heart condition that sends him to the hospital? Don’t worry about it. I’m not saying I want this book to be misery, and it’s not that bad things don’t happen; heck, some of the best scenes are the more serious ones, like Ben and Arthur’s fight about the show tickets, Arthur’s fight with his friends, Ben calling Arthur out on a microaggression, and the homophobic man on the train. But because the book can’t quite decide between Silvera’s unhappy-ending, cynical storytelling, and Albertalli’s upbeat, motivational/uplifting comedies, it ends up reading incredibly uneven. But what really made this book not fun for me was the romance, and by extension the characters. Let’s start with Ben, because I liked him a bit better. Ben has a lot of emotional hang ups; he’s just exited his first serious relationship, he’s failing school, he has bouts of moodiness, he’s insecure about his finances… he has a lot going on. But he’s trying to cope with all of that, and his friendship with Dylan was the best part of the book. But like I pointed out, he not a consistent character. None of his insecurities are really resolved or properly discussed; he relies heavily on Arthur for emotional support and self-esteem, but he also doesn’t trust Arthur. He hides really dumb things from him that just pile up, and he really does do a lot of things that signal that he really doesn’t care as much about Arthur. A lot of his hang ups, like his lateness, his insecurities, his reluctance to share seem to disappear and appear only as the plot needs them. I was never sold on Ben loving Arthur, and his reluctance to even try long distance was telling. At first, I couldn’t stand Arthur; he was grating, annoying, a stereotypical wide-eyed boy, obsessed with musical theater, with overbearing parents, incredibly sheltered, in awe of New York to a ridiculous extent. I will full on admit that I am in the minority here; most people prefer Arthur over Ben, I just don’t like these types of characters. He does improve significantly, but he never gets over that extra quality that drives this whole plot forward. He does everything to an extreme; his search for Ben is extreme, his jealousy over Ben’s ex, his neurosis about dating, the reasons he gets angry with Ben and even rushing headlong into a sexual situation he’s not ready for. Throughout the book, he’s constantly the character who’s pushing things too fast, too far, and because of that his relationship with Ben felt really uneven. It’s hard for me to believe that he feels ‘forever’ about Ben, when they’ve known each other for at most, two months. The last thing I want to talk about, is the ending. It’s left open, and I can’t say I liked it. There are open endings that make sense and feel appropriate; here, it’s not that the ending doesn’t make sense, it’s just… not satisfying. It feels like the authors didn’t know how they wanted to end the book, so they just… didn’t. It doesn’t answer the question the book is asking, it just goes “well, what IF” and that’s just not a good ending if you’ve already been reading this book just so you could see the answer. Overall, I didn’t really enjoy this book. There are better queer romances out there, and if you are very young, or a die-hard Silver/Albertalli fan, you might like it. Everyone else, skip this, and read Red, White, Royal Blue instead.

goodreads

[colinandezra-blog]

Ezra talks falling in love and no longer being isolated in existence.

Everything starts with this Ezra interview for Wonderland Magazine.

The Wonderland interviewer noticed some romantic and poetic tone in Ezra’s discourse about falling in love, in an intense personal powerful connection with someone else and hinting he is ‘no longer isolated in existence’.

Ezra also mentions Nick Cave on the interview. Coincidentally Nick Cave is a singer known to participate in Colin Farrell’s films soundtracks. He was the singer in True Detective’s finale (a soundtrack that Colin himself helped curated) and Colin even sings Nick Cave in his masterpiece work in The Lobster. Nick Cave is one of Colin Farrell’s all time faves and some sort of ‘collaborator’ in many of his projects. Such a huge coincidence that he is also Ezra Miller’s current obsession. 

Ezra mentions Arthur Rimbaud, another poet that Colin Farrell mentions and reads all the time, Colin even uses Rimbaud poetry and entire persona as an inspiration for his characters.  

Surely this is not the first time Ezra has coincidentally shared the same interests with Colin. Here is a pic of Ezra walking around with a book by Colin’s idol, Leonard Cohen’s homosexual themed book Beautiful Losers two weeks after the Fantastic Beasts promo session with Colin. As you all may know, Colin is an avid reader and into deep literature and poetry. This is what Ezra said:

“The thing about Colin that I feel compelled to talk about is his intelligence because it’s really, really staggering. I’m deeply impressed by that man’s brain. When we do interviews together, I usually stay quiet and try to look pretty.” - Ezra Miller

The fact Ezra is caring Colin’s biggest idol Leonard Cohen book just after meeting him, might again be coincidental but knowing how Colin himself said he loves to talk about literature and bonds with fellow actors through books is probably a sign that he and Ezra are close. A few years ago Colin did a film with Sir. Anthony Hopkins, he said that they bonded so well that they used to call each other in the middle of the night to talk about literature and they had this little book club. Maybe that happened between Colin and Ezra as well.

Back to Beautiful Losers, that is a book that Colin has mentioned in the past. The thematic of the book is highly sexual and homosexual, it describes the relationship between the male characters I. and F. they are best friends, mystically connected, I. is younger and F. is and older man with an intellectual and spiritual force that will help I. to escape, they have a pupil and teacher kind of dynamics. Not to be a Gredence-Colezra crazy person, but that sounds extremmelly familiar.

To give a little context about his entire Leonard Cohen obsession, his ex-girlfriend Emma Forrest wrote on her book (inspired on her troubled and passionate love affair with Colin) that he once flew her from LA to Rome just to take her to a Leonard Cohen concert for a romantic night and that he gushed about how Cohen all the time. On his film Crazy Heart, Colin’s songs are molded on Leonard Cohen. He also got Leonard Cohen to sing the iconic ‘Nevermind’ for the opening of True Detective. And then you have Ezra, with Leonard Cohen’s book. That’s an iconic artist for sure, but it is quite interesting to see how Ezra and Colin have the same taste in music and in literature.

  LONDON TO NYC, A VERY COINCIDENTAL COLEZRA TIMELINE:

COLIN + EZRA both in London, from September until the October 18th 2017: 

London, October 12th. Colin at the Gala Screening and UK premiere of The Killing of the Secret Dear in London. 

London, October 13th. Ezra performs in London at The Old Blue Last with SonsOAIF.

London, October 14th. Colin at Graham Norton Show to promo TKOTSD.

London, October 14th. It’s saturday and Colin gets some fry chicken after TKOTSD press junket, the pix is published on the 15th. 

London, October 15th. Ezra has a sunday roast with SonsOAIF. ‘Roasting in our Sunday best. We love you London.’

London, October 18th. Ezra performed with SonsOAIF in London and that reduces the time window for the Wonderland interview and place him on the exact same time Colin was in NYC. Ezra actually got a LON-NY plane on the coincidentally on same day as Colin.

COLIN + EZRA both in New York, October 20th to 23rd 2017: 

New York, October 20th: Ezra was in NYC and the Wonderland interview above happened via phone and the interviewer says ‘Today he’s calling me from New York before he heads to Shanghai.’ The cast of JL arrived in China on October 25th 2017.

New York, October 20th: Colin was spotted by a fan in New York  at Ground Central Coffee Company.

New York, October 21st. Colin at The Killing of the Secret Dear Official Academy screening in New York.

Colin was really promo TKOTSD so he had an excuse to be in London and then NY, Ezra lives in London for FBAWTFT2 but it is quite cute the fact he went to NY on the same day Colin went there for no specific reason. I mean he could have totally taken a plane to China from London. Coincidental schedule in Hollywood is something so rare and this coincidence is kinda cute, especially cause Colezra is adorably cute.

Colin is a person who gets easily obsessed with his adoration for some people. Knowing his history and past relationships (romantic and platonic) one can see a certain pattern. Having read Emma’s book on his personality, the secret nature of his platonic relationship with Elizabeth Taylor, his intense and dramatic ‘marriage’ with musician Amelia Warner, his much publicized affair with once wild Angelina (they made a tattoo together when they met), his love for the ‘outcasts’ and ‘eccentric’ artists and how he describes the perfect love as someone who is a singer and artist, he likes people who live out loud and have a touch for the dramatic, to the wild. 

With his friends Colin is a gentle and loyal soul, he has a tiny group of trusted friends that often includes only a couple of directors and a few selected actors like Sam Rockwell, Samantha Morton, Sally Hawkins and Wes Bentley. He is very secretive about his real friends and rarely is seen with them, another factor that points out that Ezra could be close to him. Not every co-star gets to be his pal, he is nice and kind with his co-stars but to bring people into his life, he is selective. He also loves to hang out with musicians, U2 being his friends for years and years. 

There is also his new protective side that loves to take young actors as pupils, Barry Keoghan being a classic example of that. But a quick examination of Colin’s protective and goofy interaction with Barry who is the same age as Ezra, we can see that he treats him completely differently from Ezra. Maybe because Ezra is well, Ezra! All that lead to a certain type of relationship that I certainly see Ezra fitting into his ideal type of people. When Colin said on Cinema Con ‘Where is Ezra?” this is not a very Colin-esque attitude, he really is not that affectionate with most of his former co-stars. It lead us to believe he and Ezra are in touch cause he already knew Ezra was at Cinema Con. 

Colin also has an openly gay brother (who is an activist) and is himself a vocal supporter of LGTBQ, he is very comfortable around gay people because of his close bond with his brother Eamon and Steven, Eamon’s husband. When people say Colin treats Ezra with so much affection and respect his nature, it’s cause Colin is very open minded and queer people are part of his life. 

Colin has played three queer roles in his career, Alexander, Home at the End of The World, The Lobster and a few homoerotic toned roles like on Phone Booth (the deleted scene between him and Jared Leto), True Detective (his dynamics with the closeted role of Taylor Kitsch), Tigerland (with Matt Davis) and of course, Fantastic with Ezra. He also is very keen of understanding the psychological side of his roles and speaks openly about homoeroticism on film. Therefore, Colin is quite open minded and at ease with queer conversation both in his work and on his personal life. He has also had his share of (speculated or unproven) rumours about his bisexuality and a long lasting myth ‘open-secret’ about having being in a relationship with a famous male co-star.

I think it could have been a surprise to Ezra to have met someone of Colin’s status who is genuinely comfortable with him. Ezra is quite young and has this amazing energy and is in a position that very few, if any, actor have been in the past. I think he got quite stunned and enamoured (in a platonic or even romantic) way with a charming, handsome, intelligent, experienced, open minded and touchy Colin. Of course that is visible on their interactions. I don’t know what happens in Ezra or Colin’s life, but I do believe they got close. The intellectual and psychological bond between them is crazy coincidental, too coincidental. And again, Colin loves musicians, Colin loves passionate eccentric people, Colin loves poetical souls, he usually gets obsessed about the tiny bit complicated ones as well.  

I hope that Colin and Ezra meet sometimes since Ezra is a total fan boy about Colin and those encounters would fit his description of finding a connection with someone you admire. This is less about shipping them romantically, and more about wanting a genuine connection between these two amazing men. I think Colin, having lots of ups and downs in his life could find beneficial to be around such a bright generous soul as Ezra and Ezra could use some poetic Irish calmness and also advice on two to navigate Hollywood safely, I think he is too pure and things are happening too fast for him. Colin have lived through haven and hell on his share of the histeria, he could be a helpful mentor to sweet Ezra. 

As Ezra said in the interview, is about finding another creative soul, to recognize yourself in another person, and no longer feeling isolated. Having been a Colin fan for years and years, I can tell that is so rare to come across with someone that is not only extremely talented, beautiful and kind, but also who shares so many of Colin’s own tastes and tendencies. For people who only ‘ship’ them their connection might seem only a fan fantasy due to the immense popularity if the film these two actors made together, but philosophically speaking I feel this secret friendship between Colin and Ezra is quite plausible. As I said, Colin doesn’t publicizes his true relationships (he legit was friends with Liz Taylor for years and years and nobody knew until she passed away), therefore I wouldn’t expect it to be any different with Ezra. 

This is just a personal essay done out of curiosity of the coincidences of the timeline and tastes between Colin and Ezra and obviously the electric chemistry they share on and off camera. 

[princepestilence]

Okay, I’ve been sick for about three days straight now (a cold, a fever, nothing serious but nothing fun) and I’m just having a whole lot of feelings about Hogwarts houses and interhouse friendships and alliances and characterisation right about now, sparked by this post, so I’m going to indulge myself in nattering on the topic and maybe it will be partially coherent!

This will be about Slytherin/Hufflepuff, by the way.

Preface: I’m thinking about this through my personal lens as someone who feels strongly and deeply a connection to Slytherin house (and always has, since I was eight and read the first book) but has a love and respect for all houses and frankly enjoys the imperfectness of the house system at Hogwarts. 

My identification with Slytherin comes from a combination of being frustrated with Rowling’s “evil house” mentality/canon characterisation (as a monster-enraptured queer kid, of course I loved the unloved and also was by nature defiant, contrary, and very hostile to/suspicious of blanket statements of “X people are innately bad”) and a belief (even at the age of nine) that I could live fairly happily and excel in any house if I wanted to, but it was Slytherin who would most benefit from me being a part of it because of its bad reputation/problems, as I believed it needed people who cared about fixing it and being good Slytherins and changing the way things were done (please take a moment to consider how insanely confident and arrogant and ambitious I was as a kid to think something like this). Picking any other house felt like taking the “not my problem” route, and when I first read my way into the Harry Potter series, I very much did feel a unique kinship with the concept of Slytherin--ambitious, resourceful, good leaders, careful and slow to act, clever, artful, and survivors above all else--if not the actual characters/house in canon itself, and therefore it did feel like it was my problem and not picking that house would be the same as running away or being irresponsible or something. This feeling has only grown over the many years. Anyway.

Hufflepuff, conceptually, is probably my favourite house! Helga Hufflepuff was undoubtedly the best founder and her tenets of belief are things I really believe in and care about in real life far more than any other house’s core ethos, and probably because of that--and because someone needs to love the underdog and it might as well be me--I’ve been a long-time supporter of Hufflepuff, since it doesn’t get the respect and attention it deserves and its members are made to feel less important/throwaways from the other houses, which! is! not! true! This brings me to the point of this one-sided discussion, which is that basically everyone characterises Hufflepuff completely wrong and in this really soppy, useless, “nice and nothing else” way, and I get personally upset about that a lot because, again, my favourite house and also some of my favourite people (who are amazing in their own right) have been Hufflepuffs. So!

The central tenets of the Hufflepuff ethos: hard work, loyalty, patience, justice, fairness, caring for others, doing what’s necessary, dedication, humility, rising to meet the challenges an unfair, uncaring, unjust world presents to you.

How people characterise Hufflepuffs: super nice, super chill and relaxed supportive “mum friend” types who’re basically all stoners, worry about other people a lot, hide behind other scarier/more action-oriented friends from other houses when intimidated and require protection from the big mean world, sort of simple-minded, not competitive, push-overs and don’t get angry or get ineffectually “mad” but it’s cute so whatever. 

What people who embody the Hufflepuff ethos are actually like: 

The two most Hufflepuff people I’ve ever known are also the two friends I’ve looked up to as my leader at different times in my life--and that’s not a coincidence. Their groundedness, their kindness, their generosity with their time, their patience, their trustworthiness, their humility (without it ever being false modesty), their genuine compassion and interest in other people, their willingness to not allow unkindness and step in when things were wrong, their calm certainty that things will be okay, and their work ethic all were inspirational for me and I learned so much about who I wanted to become and how to become that person (the person I am becoming now) by watching them. In both these people I found extremely meaningful friendships that changed the course of myself and my life, and left impacts that are still part of the landscape of who I am. 

One of them was my first ever real best friend, who I met in about year three or four. I was new to the school and this was a good while before my social skills really started to develop, so I was perhaps at my most prickly and difficult, and she still reached out to me and befriended me, even though I honestly think I had all the charm of a feral cat back then. She was patient and gentle and so incredibly slow to anger, which was the opposite of me at the time, and she would just laugh off any snarkiness of mine and bump me on the shoulder or mess up my hair and tell me to cool off or make some goofy joke that would totally undermine whatever serious sulk I thought I was having. When I was being my worst self at someone, she would turn to me seriously and say, “Don’t be cruel,” and after a while, she’d have to say it less and less because I got more thoughtful, more gentle, better at pulling back my temper, because it really meant something to me that I didn’t make her disappointed or upset. She made me want to be more like her. She wasn’t popular or “cool” or anything, but she was creative and funny and genuinely cared about people. She was amazingly good at diffusing situations. She brought out so much good in me, and I turned around and gave as much of it as I could back to her: I was basically devoted to her--extremely loyal and supportive of all her quirks and endeavours and protective of her, although frankly I did not need to be.  

By the end of primary school, her influence on me changed me radically: I’d gone from friendless to being decently charismatic and good at making friends, especially good at collecting the “unwanted” people and making them feel wanted and welcome with us; on the path of changing from being aloof to someone who loved company, who loved my people, who wanted to be in the centre of all the social circles and networks, knowing everything and being considered as everyone’s best friend. I look back now, and so much of my social development--so much of what I consider these days to be the better bits of my personality--came from her. And she was unquestionably a Hufflepuff person! I hate that some people would characterise her as “boring” or a two-dimensional “supportive friend,” because her and people like her deserve so much better than that. Being someone so kind, patient, encouraging, accepting, and morally centred, especially at a young age, is difficult. Seeing weird, lonely queer boys (which is what her little group ended up being after a year or so, starting with me) and stepping up to essentially take them under your wing, and care about them despite the fact they’re sometimes just jerks, and work with them to make them less jerkish, is a hell of a project to take on in your tween years and she did it without hesitating. I think about that a lot, in wonder and awe.

The other friend is someone I still think of often, someone who I think I will always miss, because I haven’t had a connection with anyone quite like how I did with her. I noticed her when I started high school, because we were in the same year and caught the same bus home each day, but I was a bit too self-conscious to try to talk to her, because she was cool (and I was not). Super charismatic, talented, funny, and sort of magnetically likeable. I’d never met someone quite so compellingly loveable before her, or since. The entire year group was smitten with her, to be honest: everyone wanted just a moment to talk to her, to sit next to her in class, to be her friend. She was basically a celebrity. (In our final year, she won as school captain by a landslide. It was never a competition). 

Then--I actually got to know her, at the start of our senior years, when I was really starting to become the me I’m proud of. We sat together in a few classes. We started sitting together on the bus every afternoon. We talked for hours every week that way. We didn’t hang in the same circles during school time, but there was always that hour in the afternoon trip home where it was just us in this little bubble apart from everything and everyone else. Conversations with her were uniquely good and fast and felt like dancing, or flying, or dueling--whenever I hear that line, “so, so, so this is what it feels like to match wits with someone at your level, what the hell is the catch? it’s the feeling of freedom, of seeing the light...” I think of her. I think of the impromptu nonsense world-building we would do, tossing an absurd idea to each other with little warning and adding to it, making up this impossible, always-growing place that all our friends knew about and loved but no-one else could really be a part of. (We called it the Kingdom). I think of how lonely it can be sometimes, now that I’ve known what that feels like. 

I admired her so much. She always felt ahead of me: smarter, more talented, better at sport, more charming, far more interesting, more confident, braver (so much braver), so certain and stable and good. But I wanted so badly to catch up, or at least keep close behind, that her being exceptional inspired me to do honestly my best at everything I could: academic, personal, interpersonal, all of it. It was like chasing a star. For our whole final year, we were neck-and-neck for every assignment--she would get an extra mark here, I would get an extra mark there--and I’d never enjoyed learning and “competing” like that before. Not only was she a guiding light for me on that front, someone I wanted to impress and delight, but she also made me rethink my own value, made me reconsider how I saw myself as person.

We got really close. She told me things she wouldn’t tell her other friends. She trusted me with things she didn’t want to say to anyone else. I can remember her once telling me that spending time with me was like sighing, like letting out a breath you’ve been holding onto for so long. She said she didn’t feel she had to put on a face for me: she could be imperfect, scared, tired, stressed, and she felt safe knowing I wouldn’t judge her or think less of her for it. The pressure of being so loved weighed on her, and by that point, I was starting to feel it a little too. We could commiserate over a feeling no-one else really understood. 

(I can remember when she found out--through some quiz or another--she was Hufflepuff, and then, after thinking about it, accepted it as a truth. She’d been disappointed. She had been hoping for something with a little more pizzazz, something that felt more centre-stage material--she was an actor, and the best our school had. But I told her how I felt about Hufflepuff, how important I felt it was as a house and an ethos, and how I thought she belonged there, and from then on, she was proud of it. She was proud the way I am of being Slytherin). 

So I guess what I’m saying is: 

If you’re envisioning Hufflepuffs as weak, or losers, or cowards, or sheep, you’re wrong. If you imagine them as boring or less capable or less active than other houses, you’re wrong. 

If the Hufflepuffs in your mind aren’t bright, hopeful, brave, and loving people, you’re not thinking about them properly yet. If they need protecting from the meanness of the world--as compared to the meanness of the world being afraid of them--you don’t understand what they are about. If you haven’t yet realised that people who care about justice, kindness, hard work, and doing what needs to be done will always be among the first to take up the burden of leadership and take responsibility for making change, it’s about time you did. 

Truthfully, now more than ever, I think these sorts of people need to be in our stories, and presented with respect and admiration. Caring about things is cool. More than that, it’s necessary. It’s vital. Being a compassionate, sensible person isn’t boring. Hufflepuff in fanon deserves much more than it’s given. 

When it comes to friendship between Hufflepuff and Slytherin:

Based purely on my own experience and theorising, Hufflepuff is most likely to offer the olive branch. Slytherin is most likely to respond to kindness, to a commendable work ethic, to the prospect of loyalty and dedication to a cause (i.e., their cause, whatever it might be). Hufflepuff can provide, or guide, a vision: a Slytherin can have faith in it, commit to it, do anything for it and the people they love. When working together, a Slytherin can learn a lot from a Hufflepuff about how to grow and improve and channel their energy and passion into something worthwhile and good for the world. In return, a Slytherin can offer a Hufflepuff a friend who will tirelessly strive to be better, to make them proud, to make the vision a reality, to be what they need them to be, to love them and admire them and trust in them--a friendship that, once earned, is unshakable and full of aspirations. 

But the fact is this:

Slytherins need Hufflepuffs way more than Hufflepuffs will ever need Slytherins.

Additionally neat posts:

x, x, x.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

If you find the energy and willingness to do so, I'm super interested in why you don't agree with Dean being a closeted queer person. (Not trying to start anything, I'm genuinely interested.)

Sure! Well, “closeted” is a word that I don’t find particularly fecund in an analysis, or in general, because "being closeted” has meaning in relation to something - like, for instance, you’re closeted to your parents, you’re closeted in your workplace, you’re closeted to everyone outside of the internet, you’re closeted to people you’re not very close to, etc. And sure, you can be closeted to everyone on the planet, but if you exclude people who haven’t told a single soul, there is no such thing as “being in the closet” in an absolute sense. You can come out to one person and you’re not in the closet in relation to them, but still in the closet in relation to everyone else. You can come out to literally everyone you have ever had a conversation with, but technically, unless you’re going around with a t-shirt that says “I’m queer”, you are “in the closet”, as in “not out”, to a person you’re meeting or getting to know for the first time.

This said, I have seen people using that word to mean - if I’ve interpreted it correctly - that Dean is either a) in the closet in relation to everyone; b) closeted to himself, so to speak, as in, he doesn’t realize and/or acknowledge and/or accept that he’s not heterosexual.

I don’t agree with either. Now, I’m gonna put here the disclaimer that this is my interpretation since Dean’s bisexuality/queerness is not stated textually in the show thus we’re talking on a level of signs and attribution of meanings (*insert something smart about semiotics*) and blah blah blah.

Allow me not to be specific with, like, references to lines spoken in the show in this post, maybe when I am done with my thesis and all will get the time to make a thorough analysis with specific references.

Now, do I think that Dean went up to his dad and told him “I like girls and guys lol”? ... Nope. At all. (But being closeted in relation to someone doesn’t really mean anything. Being out isn’t an all or nothing thing. You can go to pride parades wearing feathers and still keep it hidden from your dad. There are people who wait for their parents or grandparents to die before publicly coming out or transition. It’s complex.) Do I think Dean went up to Sam or Bobby and told them “I like girls and guys”? I don’t think so, as in, I don’t think he gave them a speech about being bisexual, but I think that both Sam and Bobby have at least a partial sense of Dean’s not-heterosexuality. Has Dean let his queerness known to people outside his family? Sure he has. On the top of my head, I can think of: Ash, Frank, Charlie (all hackers and queer or queer-coded, there is a pattern of association between hacking and queerness, but this is a thought for another day); Crowley was exchanging innuendo with him after 0.2 seconds of meeting and, well, Crowley has gotten to know Dean pretty intimately; and let’s be real there are characters who just looked at him and caught up because of reasons (Gunner Lawless comes to mind, I guess Aaron Bass, pretty sure Max Banes) and people who assumed and used it against him (the Campbells come to mind, no wonder the poor guy built 5739 walls around himself in season 6 and at some point was like “I was busy having sex with women”). It’s also implied that both he and Garth knew what the Purgatory in Miami was and that Dean expected Garth to get the joke, and Garth is another character that knows Dean beyond the façades. And then there’s a constellation of tiny moments that don’t mean anything on their own but in the context of what we know about Dean fit in the picture, like Jenna Nickerson feeling comfortable mentioning the first girl she’d kissed after knowing Dean for a short while.

At this point we’re left with “does Dean know he’s not straight” and, well, at this point it’s obvious but the thing is: Dean takes pride in his being anti-normative. Unlike Sam, he embraces his underclass identity, his not-normal identity. He acknowledges he’s a freak ever since day 1, and while he has heavy issues with the loneliness that comes with it, he uses it as an important brick in the construction of his identity. May I refer you to this conversation I had with @aslightsgoflashing and @f-ckyeahfutbol that touches this very topic.

Now, Dean’s relationship with his sexuality is extremely complex - we need, for instance, to count his experiences with sexual assault into it (I mentioned season 6 before, which also happens to be where he gets assaulted by a man in a sexually charged context, while I believe the other instances of sexual assault on him are carried out by women). Dean lives a life where is body is a) a commodity for the job, b) always at risk of being violated (in multiple ways, from wounds to possession). He’s always walking on a line between protecting his body and weaponizing it (it’s not a coincidence his body has been used as bait so often) and he that goes with sexuality too. He’s vocal in expressing knowledge of obscure kinky sexual practices, talking about how he’ll “try everything once” or whatever (but enjoying wearing pink panties is a secret...).

He builds his identity is a complex, ambiguous, ever-changing relationship with his body and his sexuality, and there’s nothing about him that suggests to me that he lives in a bubble where he doesn’t know he’s queer. Maybe he didn’t always (or ever) had the correct terminology for it or really conceptualized it, but in his twenties the guy knew his Pink Flamingos references (and Sam didn’t).

I think that among the reasons why Dean isn’t throwing himself at Cas’ feet and declaring his undying love for him, the fact that Cas has a dude body is, like, the last one on the list. I mean, I’m not saying he does not perceive men and women differently - he has different ways of relating to men and women due to the overwhelmingly homosocial context he’s lived pretty much his entire life, although he’s clearly developed a less sexist way of relating to women through the years - but his reluctance in opening himself to Cas is not due to some “gay panic” thing. I mean, it would be pretty diminishing to read it as just that.

So... well, these are my two cents on the topic :)

[thecinephale]

The Wachowski Sisters and the Importance of Behind-the-Scenes Representation

The second season of Sense8 came out a week after I did. Well, sort of. The first two episodes of the season had been released as a holiday special and by “came out” I mean I told my girlfriend, my best friend, and my therapist that I was genderqueer but unsure to what capacity. We both chose a gradual release strategy. 

I’ve seen portrayals of transness and gender nonconformity in film & television over the years. And, in fact, I blame many of these portrayals for why it took until now for me to begin coming out. It’s hard to watch Silence of the Lambs, as great of a movie as it may be otherwise, and go “Oh yeah! That’s me!” Instead I turned to the work of cis women filmmakers for identification. I just sort of accepted that for some reason I was a 15-year-old boy who found my closest identifiers in the work of Jane Campion.

The first time I truly felt a deep connection to a genderqueer character was watching Transparent, and I can’t help but connect that to Jill Soloway being themselves genderqueer and making a point of hiring cast and crew who are trans. That first week after coming out I turned to films because that’s how I cope. I was depressed by how little of myself I saw in The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and then surprised to tears how much I did see myself in Ed Wood’s misunderstood, I’d now call it a masterpiece, Glen or Glenda.

Before I turn back to Lana and Lilly Wachowski and Sense8, an important clarification should be made. Of course artists for centuries have told stories about people with different experiences than themselves and many have succeeded. There are no rules here. I’m sure Priscilla means a lot to some people who are trans and alternatively I know others can’t stand Transparent either due to the immense class and race privilege most of the characters have or due to the casting of Jeffrey Tambor, a cis man to play the lead. In addition, Soloway, Wood, and the Wachowskis deserve recognition purely as artists beyond their gender identity. I’m just speaking personally. When you’re rarely seen on screen, and even more rarely seen positively, there is power going into a work knowing the artist understands on a personal level. It’s a matter of trust and a matter of safety. I feel safe when I’m watching the Wachowskis’ work.

The Wachowskis began their career with the wildly entertaining and subtly subversive film noir, Bound. It’s a truly remarkable debut that takes a classic film noir story but centers on two women (and includes the Wachowskis’ burgeoning unique visual style). Due to the explicit queerness of this first film, the desire to approach all of their work from a queer perspective feels appropriate even if nothing was known about their personal lives. Suddenly the confectionary colors of Speed Racer feel less kids-only and the acting styles in Jupiter Ascending feel less accidental. And Cloud Atlas requires just about no depth of thought to see how its cast of gender-bending (and more problematically race-bending) characters represent transness. Rather their entire filmography begins to fit nicely into the ever-evolving, impossible to define, oft-limiting, oft-necessary umbrella category of Queer Cinema. Brigit McCone’s wonderful essay “Dysphoria Dystopias in The Matrix and Glen or Glenda” does an excellent job explaining these connections in the Wachowskis’ most famous work (Read that essay here! http://www.btchflcks.com/2015/09/dysphoria-dystopias-in-the-matrix-and-glen-or-glenda.html#.WWrmi9PyuL9).

Then in 2015 they released the first season of Sense8 which is just about the most Wachowski work the Wachowskis could ever dream of Wachowski-ing. And it is glorious. The show follows eight individuals from all around the world who share a metaphysical connection that ultimately allows them to inhabit each other’s bodies. The action is incredible, of course. There are sequences throughout the series that rank among the very best I’ve ever seen. The ways that the characters are able to jump in and out of each other’s bodies creates new opportunities allowing the show to completely reinvent the action sequence much the way the Wachowskis did a decade and a half earlier when they combined Hong Kong action, anime, and Hollywood SFX in The Matrix.

The craft in these sequences is impeccable but what truly makes them captivating is how much we care about the characters involved. The eight main “sensates” are complex and empathetic and the show spends at least as much time on their individual stories as it does the interconnected plot. These eight individuals share equal screen time but for me, and it seems for the Wachowskis, the two characters that matter most are both queer: Lito, the closeted gay actor from Mexico, and Nomi, the trans woman hacker from San Francisco (portrayed by a trans woman, Jamie Clayton, who is so good in the role that anything less than full blown movie stardom in her career will be proof of the industry’s prejudice). Both characters have partners so supportive that I’d suggest it was unrealistic if I wasn’t so fortunate to have a partner like that myself. Lito’s boyfriend, Hernando, is by his side as he begins the process of coming out under the public eye. And Nomi’s girlfriend, Amanita, is by her side as she runs away from the evil corporation trying to hunt all of them but especially her. 

It’s hardly a coincidence that in season one the sensate that is hunted down most vigorously is Nomi. The villains use Nomi’s transness and our society’s prejudices towards her identity as a way of holding her captive. They succeed in convincing Nomi’s mother that Nomi needs a lobotomy because her mother already believes her gender identity is a mental illness. The show is honest about the dangers trans people face while also using Amanita and the other sensates as a safety net so we feel hopeful instead of hopeless.

Towards the end of the second season Nomi expresses her gratitude to Amanita for supporting her through all of the danger that comes with being a sensate. Nomi: Is this our new normal? Amanita: I can think of a worse normal. Nomi: Are you okay with it? Amanita: What do you mean? Nomi: I mean, you didn’t sign up for all this. Amanita: It’s not like you did either. Nomi: But I didn’t have a choice. These voices are in my head whether I want them or not. Amanita: True. But when I think back I don’t remember being given a choice either. When this nerdy girl walked into City Lights and this voice in my head was telling me, “Whatever you do, do not let her go until you get her number.”

Sitting on the couch watching this scene next to my partner, it didn’t require a lot of deep thinking to read this exchange about coming out as a sensate as a metaphor for coming out as trans. The show it takes place in was co-created by two trans women and the scene stars a trans woman. The dialogue might be as corny as a scene from The Danish Girl but here it’s real corny. The kind of corny that’s been allowed in scenes between cis-het people since the beginning of cinema. I believe this scene, and this show, and this body of work, is a more accurate portrayal of transness than most Hollywood attempts. But maybe it just goes back to the trust I have in these women telling their own stories. And even if that trust is the only difference I don’t think it’s any less important.

Last year at the GLAAD Media Awards, Lilly Wachowski made the following statement: “There’s a critical eye being cast back on Lana and I’s work through the lens of our transness. This is a cool thing because it’s an excellent reminder that art is never static. And while the ideas of identity and transformation are critical components in our work the bedrock that all ideas rest upon is love.” 

As I’ve obsessed over their work these past few months, I felt this love. And I needed this love. I’m just really grateful that two unique, visionary trans women filmmakers are out there allowing me to feel seen. 

[visiontothedark]

I don’t at all want to falsely raise anyone’s hopes, but

the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that there has to be a fourth episode.  I know that’s a conspiracy nutter, off-the-deep-end thing to say, I know that.  But once you’ve eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.  It’s literally the only theory that fits all the data.

- “Sherlock’s in love, but with who?”  fucking good question that they never answered

- “help us make television history” how exactly have they made history? maybe you could argue that they made Holmesian history by giving Sherlock a sister (though even that’s a stretch), but television history?

- “groundbreaking, insane wish fulfillment” WHEN?!  WHAT GROUNDBREAKING THING HAPPENED?!

- “love conquers all” love for your random sociopathic mystery sister yeah okay whatevs

- EMP or extended dream (or possibly the drugging of our narrators, though that seems less and less likely the more I think about it) are the only theories that really explain all the gaping plotholes and impossibilities that TPTB are refusing to address

- what was the point of Sherlock hacking Twitter?  why bring up that particular case?

- how did the same people who wrote the previous 3 seasons + TAB go from being two of the best TV writers we’ve ever known to being carelessly sloppy and abjectly lazy seemingly overnight?

- how could someone like Mark Gatiss, who’s gone on and on about the importance of queer representation–who’s contributed so much to London’s Switchboard, and has become a gay beacon of hope in the film industry–all of a sudden do a complete 180 and betray his own community by completely ignoring the Johnlock arc that’s been built into the show since the unaired pilot?  Moftiss aren’t idiots; they know exactly that this is the story they’ve been writing.  would they really queerbait us like this?  is that in character of them?

- speaking of characters, why was every single one OOC so much during this series?

- if not for the Johnlock arc, why tell us to pay so much attention to the subtext?

- why the radio silence on social media following TFP?

- why would The Princess Bride parallels suddenly just…stop?

- Arwel never knew what the elephants meant?  is that even possible at this point in the game?

- why did TPTB more or less advertise the episode leak?  why not make people sign NDAs at the screening three days before the public release?

- why else would everyone involved, including the actors, keep insisting that this series is the best one yet?  did they all succumb to temporary insanity at the same time?  was there something in the water at Cardiff?

- where was the 26 page dialogue?  what scene did Martin need to film alone while everyone else was at SDCC?  what happened to the John and Mary restaurant scene?

- TFP made no sense.  I’m sorry, but even if you liked it, you have to admit that it was all over the place and almost completely detached from the rest of the series.  a secret sister with mind-control powers that Sherlock wiped from his memory who can make glass come and go at will and escaped prison but still needed Moriarty brought to her and who made an entire building with fake walls in the space of a couple hours just for Sherlock to spend two minutes in and who paints ceramic dog bowls in her free time and apparently slung John over her shoulder before climbing down a well and chaining him to the bottom with chains that can magically disappear with the power of brotherly love?  Sherlock temporarily forgetting that glass reflects shit?  paintings that cry blood?  random clowns coming out of nowhere?  Mycroft not realizing that to open doors in your house all you need to do are fucking unlock them?  drones carrying patience bombs?  surviving the explosion without injury and somehow appearing in a boat in the middle of the ocean out of nowhere?  why did they even need to sneak into Sherrinford in the first place, when Mycroft was apparently calling the shots all along; he even stole the director’s office almost immediately after his “I’m not really a fisherman” reveal.  and Mycroft, in a fisherman costume?  do they deliver coffins to top-secret island prison asylums now?  why throw away the three Garridebs, one of Moftiss’s favorite ACD stories, when they could have chosen any three names?  “you were always the grownup Sherlock”? what’s with all the tranquilizers?  why was Greg the one to respond at the end of the episode?  asylum escapees aren’t his division. how did they even get to the Holmes house in the first place in that amount of time?  and where exactly did Mycroft disappear to when John was being tossed into a well and Sherlock was running around a fake cemetery with a Victorian lantern to light his path like he was fucking Elizabeth Bennet traipsing around a field at dawn?  and a fake cemetery?  what?  do you want me to keep going?

- “everyone gives up after three”  why three?  why that particular number?  I’m genuinely asking here–was that a coincidence or did they deliberately pick it for a reason?

- I realize that this has happened before with different shows on accident, but why are some official websites suddenly advertising a fourth episode that will air on the 22nd?

- Moffat just said in an interview that electing Trump was possibly one of the worst decisions in human history.  you know what would make television fucking history?  advertising a secret gay episode during his inauguration coverage–something everyone will be watching–so that instead of allowing a right wing conservative to have the world’s attention, it’s instead redirected to a liberal, LGBTQ positive, groundbreaking show.  what a giant “fuck you” that would be towards homophobes who are cheering Trump and Pence on.  could you imagine how many new Sherlock fans that would garner?  how much the BBC could gain from that?  how much the queer community could gain from that?

- “oh yeah TPLOSH that was great, great job writing a confirmed homosexual Holmes who takes drugs to repress his love for Watson, Thank you Billy Thank you Wilder, yeah we steal lines from that movie all the time and included the name Gabrielle Ashdown in T6T and tucked a flower behind John’s ear, we’re going to fix what Wilder always regretted never doing.”  two minutes later “what?  Johnlock?  don’t be ridiculous, that’s not the story we’re telling, we don't even like that movie.” lying liars who lie

- “we’re going to fix something that we think everyone else has gotten wrong”  what exactly have they fixed?  if there’s a possibility that this is the last season, this is sort of your last chance mate

- is “grumpy bisexual” even a stereotype outside of John?  if it is I’ve never heard of it, and I’m bi, so…

- “well, John Watson, get the hell on with it”  why that build up only to give John like four lines total during TFP

- literally, what was the entire point of TAB?  Sherlock realized that he always needed John to defeat the villain, and yet he ignored Vatican Cameos without second thought?  why is he regressing back to his series one attitude of “I work alone”?

- even if they planned on doing EMP and/or Johnlock in order to fix TFP’s mess, would they really risk waiting another three or four years?  unless they air it this coming week, their ratings next series will plummet because of the bad taste they left in people’s mouths

- “I think I’m going to write a poem in response to a critic accusing me of making Sherlock too James-Bondy” followed by TFP, one of the most ridiculously James-Bondy things I’ve ever seen?  they jumped from an exploding building for fucks sake

- why did they make Mary follow so closely to ACD’s Moran if to not confirm her as a villain?

- WHAT WAS IN JOHN’S LETTER!!!

- do they really expect us to believe that Rosie’s a real, living baby?  who are these people who are volunteering to raise John’s child for him while he’s out being bros with the Holmes boys?  John’s friends all hate him, why would they agree to do that?

- the final problem was Eurus?  the final problem was Redbeard?  the final problem was saving an imaginary child from an imaginary plane?  what exactly was this “final problem” supposed to be?

- what exactly did Mark mean when he said there might be too many endings?  what was with the cheeky wink?

- again, HOW WAS ANY OF THIS GROUNDBREAKING, INSANE WISH-FULFILLING, TELEVISION HISTORY?!

Again, I don’t want to falsely raise anyone’s hopes; to be perfectly honest, I’ve been desperately trying to talk myself out of believing in a secret fourth episode since TFP aired, because I don’t want to be crushed again like I was after seeing TFP.  But at this point, I don’t know what else to think.

I can’t think of anything else that makes sense.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

andimeantittosting reblogged your post and added:

Regarding Sam’s past as an “enlightened California college student”, as you say, there’s also the fact that that was over a decade ago. Even if he had been the sort of straight ally to join a GSA and put some work in (as opposed to just not being homophobic) - and I don’t think that that would have been a top priority for him in his college years - the landscape around sexuality has shifted, and I doubt Sam has found time to keep up while hunting. No matter how “enlightened” he once was, it’s likely that 12 years later, his understanding is a little outdated. Also? It makes me, as a queer person, uncomfortable, when in fic, good-straight-ally!Sam has to explain permutations of sexuality beyond just gay and straight to closeted-having-gay-panic!Dean, often having to go so far as to explain that Dean might be bi. It’s something about the idea that a queer person would need a straight person to interpret or bestow their identity upon them. This is not an articulate explanation, but hopefully someone understands what I’m getting at.

If you don’t mind I’m starting a new post (the original one here) because the original one was getting long and we’re slightly digressing from the original topic :)

About the first part of your addition: I think that when Sam ran to California (it was two years before the pilot so around 2003, right?) he was rejecting an identity and embracing another. Sam has always seen things in a very all-or-nothing way until quite recently. Either in or out. His “have you considered something with someone who understands the life, like a hunter” is very telling - Sam himself hasn’t considered something like that for a long time. When he basically asked Dean to have a life with Lisa, he was projecting his own desires into Dean - getting out of the hunting life, have a relationship with a civilian in the whole white-fence, apple-pie kind of life.

Anyway - when Sam chose Stanford over John and Dean, he wasn’t just choosing not to be a hunter anymore and to pursue a “civilian” career. He was choosing to belong to a different culture altogether - basically rejecting the culture of a semi-rural America, with a huge emphasis on a “us/them” mindframe, heavy Christian tones, etc, for the culture you’ll find in a place like a California college. 

Have you seen American Sniper? If you haven’t, good for you. Anyway, at the very beginning of the movie you see the protagonist as a kid, living with his parents and his younger brother someplace in rural Texas. There’s a scene where the protagonist's father makes a speech to his sons that was exactly John Winchester’s worldview expect with muslims instead of monsters. There are the civilians, the monsters and the protectors. In the movie, the father uses the metaphor of sheep, wolves and shepherd dogs: common people are sheep, who are weak and in danger of being harmed by the wolves (terrorists and whatever). “Real men” are the shepherd dogs, who defend the weak from the wolves. I immediately compared that to John Winchester’s view of the world as divided in civilians, monsters and hunters. Of course there was also a huge layer of toxic masculinity - if you’re weak you are not a real man and you are a disgrace.

Now, in the Winchester family the focus was on monsters and not on muslims, but their lives were mostly spent around a rural or semi-rural America. It’s clear that urban and suburban lives were alien to the Winchesters as they grew up.

Season 1 shows us how Sam and Dean deal with the universe they’ve grown up into: Sam has rejected it outright, even physically removing himself from the rest of his family and enrolling in Stanford. Dean, on the other hand, has a very different approach and it’s probably harder to read for a viewer that is more like Sam than Dean.

I think it’s not a coincidence that many fans, in my opinion, have a fairly mistaken view of Dean in the earlier seasons. In the earlier seasons we see a lot of things from Sam’s point of view, and Sam misunderstands Dean a lot, and a viewer that shares Sam’s mindframes would easily make the same mistakes as Sam.

Basically Sam, the straight “enlightened college boy”, does a lot of judging of Dean - Dean who, in Sam’s eyes, embraces that very culture that Sam rejects. I think that a viewer who is, like Sam is, straight, middle-class (Sam’s permanence in the middle class was very short-lived but he embraced that kind of identity strongly), liberal, would make the same assumptions as Sam regarding Dean - i.e. that is shares that rural-American, close-minded, American Sniper-y mindset. But the way I see it, Dean in 2005 identifies with a culture of its own. Sam rejects a dominant culture for a different dominant culture, while Dean rebels to a dominant culture by embracing a subculture, if it makes sense? Dean can’t just drop everything and leave, we know how the whole abuse thing has worked on him. But he develops his own way of dealing with the culture he’s grown up in, and a lot of that way is centered about the fact that he is not straight. Straight doesn’t just mean ‘that experiences attraction to individuals of a gender different than one’s own’. It’s a concept that reels in ideals of normativity, “normality”, socially accepted, socially sanctioned.

This brings us to the second part of your comment - in my opinion, Dean has always known he’s not straight. @f-ckyeahfutbol has been talking about it better than I can, but I believe that a huge part of Dean’s personality the way we seen it formed at the beginning of the show is based on the fact that he has his own ways of rebelling to social normativity. He identifies as a freak, with the whole baggage that brings along. He suffers from the loneliness that that entails but also takes pride in his being different. He takes pride in his belonging to a subculture of sorts.

You make an excellent point in pointing out that queer discourse in the early 00s was very different that the current one. If season 1 took place now, I’d say, there is a chance that this boy doesn’t know about queer theory and the labels and identities that exist in the current queer discourse. So I’d say that there is a chance that Dean might not embrace the label bisexual because he is not up-to-date with queer theory and the words that are used now.

But Dean has been in his early twenties in the early 00s. The early twenties are to queer people what teenage years are for straight people, in a sense - straight people are exposed to societal and mediatic messages that help them shape their identity in relation to themselves and others during their teen years, but queer people lack that kind of messages in their teen years - like, there are seventy-five billion movies and shows about straight kids falling in love, but none about queer kids (at least not in the 00s).

So a Dean in his early twenties would have built his identity in relation to sexuality. And he would have found less labels to pick from than one has today, so to speak. Not too many years ago the “bisexual” label was an umbrella identity for many different experiences, that could be summed up as “not straight nor gay”. Asexuality was included in that, too.

I think that Dean always knew he wasn’t either straight or gay. We don’t know if he would have used the word bisexual to describe himself in 2005, but I think that he would have identified with the definition of the word.

I think Dean has always known he was bisexual, so yeah, I agree with you about the trope in fics and headcanons where Sam teaches Dean about queer things. I think it’s a result of fandom being made mostly by straight women - they project their allyship and knowledge of queer theory over the straight character, Sam. In general there are multiple issues in fandom(s) due to a majority of shippers being straight women and the trope of “clueless Dean, wise Sam” is one of them (not the most problematic). I tend to see Dean as a lot more aware and self-aware than most fans seem to believe (not just in regards to his sexuality), and I tend to see Sam as less skilled in reading Dean than a lot of fans seems to believe, too. I mean, I believe there are multiple elements in the show that support my interpretation, but I am too exhausted and slow at the moment to make a list.

In conclusion, I have no idea how knowledgeable of queer theory Sam is, but I’m sure Dean knows more than him.