#and don’t get me wrong it’s all social media but the extent that tumblr has it going on is so fucking amplified

[ilostyou]

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[astroismypassion]

Astrology observations 🌌🌌

Credit goes to my Tumblr blog @astroismypassion

🌌 Virgo MC can’t really get away with “bad decisions”. For example, if they don’t eat well, overindulge, they are more likely to get backlash or criticism from people.

💙 Retrograde Mars people can often percieve themselves as not enough sexually desirable. They might think people don’t want to have sex with them.

💜 People with Capricorn Moon or Moon in the 10th house and other Earth Moon feel like their mental health starts get better if they just begin doing chores.

🌌 Neptune in the 4th house and Pisces IC native is that family member that can’t ever be blamed. Family members might even fear hurting this native due to how innocent they are and that they have the most unconditional love out of all family members.

💙 Gemini Suns are scared of gossip. Because they are aware of the fact that even a made-up thing can be turned into “a fact” too quickly and that people can end up taking a misconstructed thing as the whole reality.

💜 To me Virgo Venus has “minimalist” aesthetic, Taurus Venus “quiet luxury” aesthetic, Pisces Venus “coastal grand daughter” or “cottagecore” aesthetic and Capricorn Venus “preppy” or “dark academia” aesthetic.

🌌 I noticed Scorpio Moons most often only have one active social media account. Like they would use JUST Tiktok or just Tumblr, just Instagram and nothing else.

💙 Neptune in the 1st house women enjoy colouring their hair and changing colour. This is even more prominent if they also have Uranus in the 1st house.

💜 Women with Virgo Mars might have a husband that is gluten or dairy free. Also, your partner might have really nice skin if Virgo Mars is located in the 9th house or the 2nd, but if it’s in the 8th house or aspected with Pluto, he could actually struggle with keeping a healthy skin, could be prone to acne.

🌌 Musicians who have Gemini North Node or North Node in the 3rd house were discovered on Youtube or on a social media platform.

💙People with Scorpio over the 12th house or Pluto in the 12th house might help or serve ill people, such as granting the wish of critically ill people.

💜 You might buy food, food brands or meals from people who share your Moon sign. As an example: if you are Taurus Moon, you buy food items made by Taurus Sun people. If you are ans Aries Moon, you support food brands made by Aries Sun.

🌌 Leo Rising hair always stands out. Even if they are bald, have buzz cut, thin or frizzy hair. People tend to remember their hair the most.

💙 Gemini Mercury loove saying “fun fact…”. 😂

💜 Sagittarius Mars natives might really like their first time (having sex).

🌌 And also a side note, I noticed a pattern that people tend to describe their first time mostly with their Mars sign traits. If it’s Cancer Mars, they felt really comfortable and it was probably with someone they really, really liked and had a crush on for a very long time. Virgo Mars could point that it might have been a quickie or you paused and had a second round. It could also mean that you first started with a hand job, oral. Taurus Mars could also mean your first time started with a blow job (Taurus rules throat). Like 8th house sign also comes into the consideration.

💙 Taurus Moon people love having a drink with them. They love a cup or glass in hands. Such as grabing a smoothie, a cup of coffee, tea or a matcha. It just comforts them.

💜 Pisces Venus looks really good in emerald green clothing.

🌌 I noticed that one MC that is really common among celebrities that almost never (or very rarely) receives hate is Taurus MC celebrities. Real life examples would be Emma Chamberlain, Selena Gomez, Emma Stone, Margot Robbie, Eddie Redmayne, Blake Lively, Gemma Arterton etc. These people are really, really loved by the public. Also sometimes Capricorn Venus or Venus in the 10th house, but not to the same extent as Taurus MC. They can’t do wrong in the public’s eye. It’s like it’s very NOT to like them.

💙 Virgo Lilith women enjoy wearing bows and ribbons in their hair.

💜 People with Gemini Descendant or Gemini over the 7th house often talk down on their own beauty. They might have really glowing skin, but would still say “Yeah, but it’s still not *perfect* looking skin”. Or they might point out more their “beauty/appearance quirks” (uneven teeth, frizzy hair etc.) just so that people don’t end up idealizing them too much or build expectations for them.

🌌 I noticed Capricorn Moons with time love more luxurious pieces, otherwise in younger years (before Saturn Return) they quite love rather cheap stuff.

💙If you have Gemini over the 7th house people can often question the character of your spouse, committed partner. If you have Gemini over the 4th house people can question your mother's character or that of your loved ones, close friends.

💜 Men with Libra Moon often feel threatened by beautiful, conventionally attractive women. However, they also have this deep need of satisfying perfect beauty so they often pick models as their partner or women that look well-balanced, harmonious and have striking physical features, which sometimes intimidates them even more.

🌌 Pluto in the 8th house people or Scorpio over the 8th house might have regrets if they quit a sport they were really passionate about. They have more guilt than others of not sticking with it.

💙 I can’t stress enough how important is for Cancer Moons and Moon in the 4th house to stay in touch with the things they grew up with. It soothes them the best and it really benefits their emotional and mental wellbeing. If you have this placements, watch movies or series you enjoyed when growing up, build a pillow fort, listen to top hits from that time that remind of childhood/teenage nostalgia.

💜 The public and people always want Virgo MC to leak that daily routine👀 Like people are so interested in how they spend their day and what their day-to-day life looks like.

🌌 Virgo Moon (but also Gemini Moon to a certain extent) can act very stingy in their home. They would keep the lights off just so that the electricity bill will be smaller.

💙 I noticed people that are the most consistent with daily work outs tend to have Capricorn Moon or Moon in the 10th house. Because they can detach from feelings, even when they don’t feel like working out.

💜 Leo Risings often end up doing a job, profession or have a career that doesn’t really feel like a regular job. It’s like one of their hobbies for them. They also are found in jobs where they entertain, not necessarily on stage, it can also be on a social media platform.

Credit goes to my Tumblr blog @astroismypassion

[starrysnowdrop]

Were there any barriers to you establishing your OCs relationship? Perhaps social or cultural stigma? Or a concern that "ships" with that character were already overdone? Or simply a fear of being seen as "cringe"? If so then how did you overcome this?

Ohhh now this is a good one, as this is something that I’ve been told, that I have inspired others to “overcome their fears” of shipping based on certain stigmas in the FFXIV fandom, so let’s get into it shall we? Oh and I will apologize in advance, as this WILL get long.

The Stigmas

Hali x Aymeric

So for Hali x Aymeric, the obvious stigma is that Hali is a lalafell, and Aymeric is not. Though I’ve seen lately that this stigma has waned a bit, especially here on Tumblr where people who infantilize lalas don’t seem to last long, but keep in mind that there is still plenty of lala infantilism on the bird app and other places like Reddit and in game.

For my main ship, that is really the only thing that I see that makes the ship “problematic” to some in the fandom; some people still see lalafells as “child-coded”, despite lalafells being a fantasy race of little people, no different to gnomes, hobbits, dwarves, etc. in other fantasy media, and despite the in game world treating lalafellin adults the same as any other race.

Yume x Zenos

(Yume’s blog: @firelightmuse)

So for Yume x Zenos, but also to a lesser extent Urania (Hali’s Azem) x Hermes, and my other secret ship that I haven’t revealed yet because it’s still in development, these ships fall into the category of being “problematic” because they are Hero x Villain ships at their core, and because Zenos, Hermes, and the secret ship partner are all major antagonists in the story, they have many haters.

Now there isn’t anything wrong with not liking certain characters, as I truly think we all have certain characters that we just don’t vibe with for one reason or another. But there is a problem, however, when people go after villain shippers just because they happen to not like those characters.

Just like with the Lala infantilism problem, villain ships get a lot of hate in the fandom, but for different reasons. I would guess that the main reason is the haters assume that villain shippers either don’t see that the villains have done bad things and/or try to minimize or excuse the villains’ bad behavior. Now I won’t say that there aren’t a few people out there who will truly excuse a villain’s bad behavior and try to make them out to not be as bad of a person as they are written in canon. But I really do think that there’s not as many of them as the haters are likely to believe.

Remember: just because someone is a fan of a villain doesn’t mean they agree with their actions, and a writer is NOT the same as their character. For example, Yume may minimize and/or downright ignore all of the pain and suffering Zenos has inflicted upon not only her, but innumerable others, doesn’t mean that I as Yume’s writer share the same views. I actually consider Yume to ride the thin line between anti-hero and villain herself, just so y’all know.

How to Overcome the Stigmas

So now that the individual stigmas of each of my ships have been outlined, how did I overcome the stigmas? And how difficult was it for me to do?

Well, if you’ve followed me for several years already, you might’ve seen that Hali, my lala WoL, is not the first WoL I have written. That honor goes to Yume, who is a Raen Au Ra and she doesn’t come with the same stigma that Hali does as a lalafell. So I had the privilege for several years of being able to write Yume without the infantilism that Hali would have to fight against in the fandom. But those years gave me enough courage in my own writing to create Hali and to fend off the stigma of lala x non-lala shipping and my own insecurities surrounding it.

Though it was difficult, and it took me a long time to do so, I eventually realized that I was happier and way more fulfilled when I wrote what I wanted to and not what I thought my followers or my friends or anyone else wanted. Trust me, I tried more “popular” and less “problematic” ships before, and even though they were nice at the time, I ultimately dropped them because I realized that I didn’t feel fulfilled, and that I was scared to write for more “problematic” ships because I feared the backlash.

One HUGE thing that I highly recommend is to find yourself a good support system to surround yourself with. Whether that be reaching out to your mutuals here on Tumblr or joining discord servers with like minded individuals, having people there who can help you through your journey in shipping will help greatly! Trust me, I wouldn’t be where I am today without my support system to be there for me when I’m having a bout of anxiety and/or insecurity with my writing.

Another thing that I highly recommend you do is to Unfollow, Hide, and/or Block haters liberally!! Please, it’s for your own mental health and wellbeing to do so! If you’re wanting to ship your lala oc for example, never hesitate to block the lala haters out there! No good will come from seeing the hate all over your feed, because it will just bring you down.

That’s about all I have for now. If you have any other questions on this subject, please do not hesitate to send me a message, DM, or ask!! I am always happy to help with any questions or advice when it comes to shipping! Thank you so much @mimble-sparklepudding for the ask, and thank you all for reading this very long winded answer!! 💖

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

yet another post on simon and labels

For the record, I feel the need to clarify that when I talk about Simon and labels, it’s not because I want him to label himself. He could be a fifty-year-old that’s like “what am I? hell if I know” and that would be fine and gucci (it’s how I personally approach my identity; it’s okay to not have all the answers! it’s okay to have no answers at all!). I think it’s important that both the authorial intent and the main takeaway for the readers is to see how hard it can be to figure yourself out, to still fall in love despite not having the answers. If I never interacted with or even seen this fandom at all, I would’ve walked away with “canonically unlabeled main character” and left it there. 

At the same time, and perhaps in the interest of analysis (to a certain extent, perhaps with the same kind of curiosity one wonders whether Simon will ever know his mom visited) I’ve seen people wonder. Leaving something open usually invites speculation... Because this is a fictional (emphasis on fictional; I’ve been unfortunately cursed with the knowledge that people get on twitter dot com to do this to real people, which is beyond fucked up) character, I don’t think it’s wrong to wonder for character analysis purposes, (or for fanfic purposes, if one wants to understand something because they have a specific story to tell). Or perhaps in attempts to figure oneself through fiction.

When I log on to say “he makes so much more sense as in the ace spectrum” I’m not just analyzing, I’m also working through assumptions about intimacy and the ways in which the books challenge how attraction is perceived and I find that meaningful. There’s a reason why so many people who identify somewhere in the acespec feel drawn to these books. When I say “the kid is likely gay but struggles with not wanting to be perceived as gay/fears experiencing homophobia” I don’t mean to undermine him not wanting to be labeled (which, by the way, is also fitting for someone who has been defined by labels for so long: to just simply go unlabeled as he finds out who he is and what he wants, unburdened by expectations at last) I’m partly responding to the seemingly popular idea (which remains as an impulse, despite him being canonically unlabeled) to paint him as bisexual (which, at worst, results in people writing off the series as bi-erasure, or judging it for things it never attempted to do, so forgive me if I come here to yell about people being loud and wrong in my little blog). I also discuss him likely being gay because I do think the ways in which the books capture how heteronormativity and comphet can fuck us up (for the record, I know bi folks can also experience both!) it’s worth discussing. Our fear of not belonging, or not wanting to be gay because we’re afraid of not being accepted or being in danger because of it (Simon literally has the instincts to look over his shoulder to see if they’re being watched when he first kisses Baz!) being captured in a story where ultimately, the gays are alright and happy and together... for me? it’s worth discussing. (I’m also a serial over-thinker. Shit along the lines of “but tumblr user sailorblossoms, how can you say he is or isn’t interested in [whatever] when Simon thinks [insert quote]?” has sparked many posts haha)

I probably wouldn’t have been on here saying “Simon is likely gay” and “I’m confident this guy isn’t a woman-liker” without My Rosebud Boy, and AU written by the author, attempting to capture the essence of her characters in a different scenario, that has Simon in his early thirties saying “I’m gay. I used to have a problem with being perceived as/being gay, but not anymore.” Because this for me validated the perception I had with certain things that I was seeing in the books. If you asked me to speculate (because I ain’t a mind-reader) based on interviews and things I have seen the author say on social media, I would say that when CO came out, the author did genuinely not what Simon was, because the intent has been that it’s okay not to know from day one. Sexuality can be complicated, and the main intention was to not define him. But by the time MRB comes out, well... Simon says it. But also: this isn’t at odds with the intent in the trilogy. Simon is barely not a teenager there. He’s a thirty something adult in MRB. Different circumstances, different life stages, etc etc (I have lots of thoughts on that AU but I don’t want to lose the thread). The other thing the author has said from day one (before the sequels were even a thought) which remained consistent, is that good ol’ Simon is a “Baz-sexual.” That, for me, is among the big takeaways: Simon has not experienced true attraction before Baz. I’m not here saying this guy is interested in guys in general either – as soon as Baz is in the picture, it’s game over (who notices a match when you’re in the middle of a forest fire?). There are many people (and fictional characters) who experience attraction to a lot of people, all the time, even when they’re in love with one person. But Simon ain't one of them. He doesn’t say he’s “a Baz-romantic.” He says “a Baz-sexual” with his whole chest. 

[my-opinions]

With all the testing that has been happening the past two days, and the subsequent social media posting about a certain Mr. Piastri, I have seen so much anti-Oscar rhetoric. Not on here, I don’t think people give a shit enough on Tumblr but certainly on TikTok and Twitter (and by pretty well-known accounts too).

And I get it to a certain extent, you are going to miss Daniel but to say “that seat will always be Daniels” ??!?!?? like girl the team has been around since 1966 (that’s 56 years) I grantee you that in 40 years’ time very few people will remember Daniel in a McLaren. (People will remember him but not for his time with this team). This may be a bit controversial but if you are a fan of Daniel, you will understand that it was better for him to leave McLaren. It was a toxic environment and bad for his mental health (you can be sad about him leaving F1, I am, but it was better for him to get out of that mess.) If you are a McLaren fan, you will realize that while Daniel is a great guy, he has not provided the results and he needed to. And because Oscar is a rookie, he doesn’t cost as much as Daniel. Even if (which he won’t) perform like Daniel has this year, they’ll still be saving around $19,5 million

On top of that, to send hate to Oscar is just simply wrong. It is not his fault that management of both Alpine and McLaren is bad. He has earned his spot fair and square. He DOES NOT deserve fucking death threats all because he is one of the most talented people to come from the junior categories in recent years.

Also, I find it very funny that everyone is crying over Daniel and Lando not being teammates anymore (I’m not laughing at your pain, shame man they did have a very good relationship at the end) but when they started out it was so awkward. Just rewatch the first couple of challenges they did together, Lando was very wary. (Even if we think about all the iconic Dando moments, a very large majority of them happened this year) I personally think they (Lando and Oscar) will either get on really well, as in being salty bitches together or will hate each other. I think it will be different from Lando’s previous teammates because for the first time they will be very similar in age so there won’t be the generational divide he had with Daniel but at the same time he will still have those extra four years’ experience that Oscar doesn’t have. I also think Lando will probably enjoy the power trip of being the “older” more experienced one that Oscar must learn from.

When we look at Lando and Oscar’s relationship next year, we must remember how long it took for him to warm up to Daniel.

I got a bit off topic but essentially what I’m trying to say is that Oscar doesn’t deserve the hate he gets for simply existing. A LOT of people are just hearing that he’s replacing Daniel and then start to blame everything on him. Everything he has achieved so far gets swept under the rug and they just say, “oh well he’s not as funny as Daniel so Lando won’t like him” My siblings in Christ have you seen the man’s old tweets?!?? Even in the Prema videos he’s hilarious. He’s just some random gen-z kid who is so done with life and I, as a fellow gen-z kid done with life, respect this.

What I’m trying to say is that he deserves more than his replies being full of hate and people calling him a traitor and backstabber. He deserves “well done, I’m so proud of you” “Can’t wait to see you in the car next year” Anyways be prepared to be sick of me, because I’m going to post so much Oscar prop next year cuz the man needs all the help he can get.

[jechristine]

I honestly don’t mean to offend you because I like your blog usually. But once in a while you get stuck on a point that is clearly not making sense and it’s almost as if you want to save face and not admit you were wrong, so you keep on going and making it even worse. You want to talk about celebrities feeding the parasocial, fine, it’s a reality, but picking a promotional post to make your point is weird and is giving I just have an agenda. Would it make you feel better if he said I watched it and it’s worth it? It would be pointless regardless, he’s just helping his brother out and being transparent about it. You are also comparing with celebrities that either have nothing in common with him (age, how they became famous, how they had to use social media) or you are giving passes because they had it harder (and they did, but does that make Z’s continued rs with her fanpages make it any less parasocial)? And all that about some comments he made on fame 1,5 years ago. Unless he has given interviews more recently…

I like your blog, I do, but you aren’t being astute on this, you just really want to make a point. It’s just weird that you feel this need.

Well I’ll agree that my point is getting clearer in my own head as I go around with different anons. I think of my blog as more of an ongoing discussion that shapes my own thinking, and less of a “I make a fully fleshed out argument that’s either right or wrong.” From my pov, developing a viewpoint in tandem with others is a common process is talking and writing especially in low-stakes space like tumblr. If my point is unclear it’s because I’m working on it as I go and trying to respond to different angles that anons bring up. I’m pretty open to being challenged, I’d say.

There’s also a central point I’m trying to make—that celebrities play a role in nurturing and activating parasocial relationships that they benefit professionally and financially from. Some anons seem to be feeling really defensive about that point as applied to Tom Holland, probably because of the parasocial relationship he’s successfully created with them! But I’m not going for good vs bad, criticize vs celebrate, as they seem to be expecting me to.

And there are ancillary points that have come up because anons who feel angry love to take conversations to whataboutism or other deflections. Those ancillary points: 1) other celebrities create less toxic (?) or potent versions of those parasocial relationships, maybe because they’re older and more mature? I’m 33 and I don’t see 26yo’s sm lives as that much different than mine idk. Or maybe because those other celebrities have simply never been committed to an idea of showing vulnerability the way Tom has? Or something else or some combination? 2) the immutable traits of a person’s identity play a role in how they are able to succeed in the entertainment industry and to what extent they need to connect to fans for that success. And 3) that some quasi political figures who are also celebrities like the BRF Harry & Meghan have additional or different incentives for putting themselves out there.

So to your point: I guess I agree that the Paddy post isnt the best example of Tom activating the parasocial relationships that he’s played a role in developing, but I do think it’s an instance of his doing so. I didn’t pick it exactly. The issue that I’ve talked about many times over the last year popped up yesterday again on @wetheoriginals blog, and I said the same kind of thing I always say about it.

I think about the point I’m trying to make as being spurred more by the desire to defend fans who are caught up in a market system that doesn’t really benefit them in any material way. Maybe it makes them feel good for a second.

Like I said, I think most celebrity-fan relationships include an element of the parasocial, and how much each contains and activates can be better assessed along a spectrum. It’s a part of celebrity culture, and I usually see very reductive or shallow assessments of it (I.e. “this stan needs to touch some grass”). I’d like to think more about it and how it works.

[ehditaan]

I think I’ve figured out why I like social media so much sometimes. Especially things like TikTok which, at least in my feed, has a bit more silliness and tomfoolery and even sometimes genuineness than other apps (though tumblr is still always my fave). It’s because as an autistic person who’s been bullied and ostracized so much of my life, social media allows me to see a side of people they would never show me in person.

Don’t get me wrong, I have my close friends that I can get weird with. But even when I was friendly with my peers, I have always been an outsider to some extent, and I get the sense people found something off about me. Either way, I rarely got close enough with people for them to show their goofy side or be vulnerable with me. And I crave that real connection deeply. All the surface stuff puts me off. So I can get lost in social media at times because on an app I am as much a part of whatever’s happening as anyone else. Especially the apps where the people I’m following aren’t in my irl circles. Cause on Instagram I just get a view into all the people I went to school with, that I even considered friends, hanging out without me. And even on tumblr there are circles of mutual that I follow but am not a part of. On tiktok I just get these little glimpses into someone’s life or personality or brain. It’s nice. I want more of that in real life. And I often wish I had the courage to share more of myself.

Does anyone else feel this way?

[eldritch-bf]

Writing A Character With Borderline Personality Disorder

First of, thank you for wanting to include a Borderline character into your work. We have very little representation in media and when it is there, it’s negative. The antagonist in Single White Female and it’s remake is said to either be Borderline or Bipolar, for example. A few Borderline-coded characters also exist but their symptoms are probably closer to bipolar depression.

Trigger Warning for discussions of suicide, abuse, and hospitalization

What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?

It is called “Borderline” because it is “on the border of psychosis and neurosis. It used to be believed that Borderlines had a tendency to regress into “borderline schizophrenia,” but this really isn’t the case anymore. The term was coined in 1938 and there have been attempts to rename it but this is what it’s called for now.

Here is the raw list from the DSMV. My notes are below and italicized. Important take-always are in orange text.

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment; this does not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

Markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (eg, spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) [5] ; this does not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Generally, a diagnosis is only given if a person has at least 5 of these symptoms.

My comments:

Re: #1 There doesn’t have to be a literal abandonment in childhood. For me, I was emotionally abandoned by both my mother and father during my formative years. My mother also hated physical contact so now I have an impulse to seek it constantly. Touch-starvation is an easy trait to add to your Borderline character.

The stipulation in #1 that the frantic efforts cannot be the behaviors listed in #5 means that a Borderline person might: drive 3 hours in the middle of the night to the person who they feel might abandon them; do some extreme begging or bartering to keep the relationship. Also important: these do not have to be romantic relationships.

Re: #3 If Dissociative Identity Disorder means a person has multiple distinct personalities, for BPD we generally feel like an incomplete person, like we only have fragments of a whole personality.

A common joke in the BPD community is “Oh, you have a great personality.” And the Borderline person’s response is, “thanks, I made it specially for you!” You may also hear Borderlines called “chameleons” because we take pieces of other people’s personalities and incorporate it into ourselves. It can be a fictional character, too. I incorporated a lot of NBC Hannibal’s Will Graham into my personality at a point. Another aspect of this is that Borderlines are very good at code-switching. For me, when I’m in a new group of people, I have to “feel out” the vibe and everything and then alter my behavior to fit this social circle. Most people do this to some extent but Borderlines do it constantly and unconsciously and often extremely well. It’s not meant to be manipulative. It’s unconscious, we can’t control it.

Re: #8 The anger is a big one for me and it often leads to homicidal ideation. But Borderlines are incredibly unlikely to act on it.

Other Borderline Behaviors

Favorite Person/FP: Probably the most important aspect of BPD. An FP is specific to BPD. It can be a romantic partner, a crush, a parent, an authority figure, a sibling, or a child (specifically the child of the person with BPD of they have kids). This is the single most important thing in a Borderline’s life. An FP is an idealized person who can never do any wrong in our minds. Even abusive behaviors will be overlooked or reframed.

We don’t always have an FP and I’ve also never heard of someone having 2 FPs simultaneously. I had 2 at the same time once but I would split on one and then idealize them other one. I would never idealize both at the exact same moment. A real or imagined negative interaction with an FP can make or break a Borderline’s day and if it is negative, they can “split” on them.

Splitting/Black-And-White Thinking/All-Or-Nothing Thinking: Borderlines “split” on people, usually an FP. This is how an interaction with an FP can “make or break” your day. If an FP doesn’t text us back right away we might think they don’t like us anymore or are mad or will leave us. So we, unconsciously without our control, “split” on them. When “splitting negative” on a person it is impossible to recall good memories of the person, or they are framed negatively. A once loved birthday gift from an FP might now be seen as insincere or irrelevant. This is the “devaluation” mention in criteria #2.

However, once the person texts back, say 2 hours later, we usually split back, and now the person’s real or imagined negative behaviors are gone and they are once again idealized, as mentioned in criteria #2. You can see how taxing such a sudden shift in emotions can be for a person.

It is also taxing on the FP if they are present during the split or received panicked or angry messages with the above scenario. It causes fights and the FP might view the Borderline person as “Bipolar” “irrational” or “unstable”.

We can split on people that are not FPs.

Tips For Your Character

Your Borderline character could easily be in out-patient therapy. I won’t go into the details but they could be in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). The structure is 2 sessions a week, one with a small group, and then another one-on-one with their psychiatrist who is probably also running the group. Psychiatrists need special training to treat people with BPD.

Your character would also do “diary cards” each day and record their mood and any notes about their day. These are easy to add in as throw-away comments like “I’m going to therapy, I’ll be back in an hour or so” or “damn it, I forgot to do my diary card”.

Fun fact: Therapists have been known to drop clients upon finding out they have BPD or giving them the diagnosis because apparently some therapists can’t handle us.

Your character might also be on some medication and an easy scene for angst could be them refusing to take their medication, forgetting to take it, or the meds being of of balance and them needing to go to an ER to be stabilized (usually they become suicidal or paranoid) and have their meds adjusted. This happened to me once. Lithium can be used in extreme cases as a medication but usually a combination of anti-depressants and mood-stabilizers is used.

BPD is often comorbid with depression so your character will probably exhibit depression symptoms as well.

Final Thoughts:

As long as you don’t make your Borderline character the antagonist or a manipulative partner who kills pets like in Single White Female, you should be fine.

Edit: tumblr glitched and I didn’t mean to post this now. I’ll try to get on my laptop when I get home and add a read more.

If you need clarification on anything or additional resources feel free to DM me or come into my inbox!

[tallaroo]

genuine question, why do you think you are owed likes and reblogs for posting art? as an artist myself, i find myself deleting social media often because if i’m on one site for too long i start equating my art’s value to my numbers. it doesn’t harm artists to not reblog their work. at the end of the day, likes and reblogs are really just numbers that show how many people both saw your work and wanted to let you know they appreciated it to some extent. if you care so much about the ratio, would you rather people not like your work at all if they don’t want to share it on their own blog? just because a person thinks your art is good doesn’t mean they’ve done you wrong by not sharing it with their friends. you have to admit that mindset sounds pretty entitled.

what i want to know is: what do likes and reblogs mean to you? if even 1000 is a small number for you, i’m curious why it’s so important for people who appreciate your work to press buttons to let you know. why do you create art? is it for yourself? for others? because you want to make a living? if you plan on making money off of it, i can maybe understand why exposure is very important to you, but if not, i think you really need to take a step back and look at how you are reacting to your numbers. compare your numbers to smaller artists’ and think about how you might sound.

if i know tumblr, i imagine there’s a possibility you might just read this and call me something like “deranged” for writing such a long message about this, but i hope you can take it as a genuine and heartfelt message instead. i’ve simply seen this attitude on this website far more than any other and it’s disappointing to see; the numbers on this site really don’t mean as much as people here seem to think they do. it’s important to reflect on why you create and why you choose to share your creations, because you aren’t owed attention or even any expression of appreciation for it. each like and reblog is a gift in its own — sure, a very easy gift to give, and not one of much value, but a gift nonetheless. people give you them out of kindness and appreciation, they don’t pay them to you as part of an exchange.

-🤖

I’m going to start this off by saying that my post was meant for all fan artists but mostly the smaller ones on this site. I used my numbers cause that’s whats available to me so I can get the numerical point across. It’d be an asshole move to pull up random numbers from an artist smaller than me. The point was to show that if it hurts with bigger blogs it will hurt smaller blogs even more.

I’m in school for art, I plan to be a professional in the field and the biggest thing my professors have told me is exposure and outreach means everything. You get the job through connections and visibility. Yeah social media and fanart is a hobby in the end and you shouldn’t get obsessed with numbers, it’ll lead to toxic thinking that will do you more harm than good. But artists big or small run on validation for their hard work. Disagree all you’d like on that but I’ve never met an artist who doesn’t share their work with someone.

Tumblr is a platform that only works if you reblog. Likes mesn literally nothing here, this isn’t twitter or instagram. Most fan artists I’ve spoken to do or plan to do commissions to support themselves. They can’t do that if no one sees their art can they? That post was never about me and my own numbers it was pointing out a universal problem this platform has. I don’t know why people can’t seem to get that through their heads.

Every time an artist speaks out about this we’re called entitled. The ‘small gift’ of a reblog is what allows more content for your fandom to be made. I’d love to see how y’all would cope if you didn’t have the amount of fanart and fanfic that you do. Fan content is the only reason fandoms stay alive as long as they do, remember that.

And since you’re going to put the words in my mouth anyways, yeah you’re deranged : )

[changebydjo]

IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ

 so i’ve put off writing this for a long, long time, and it’ll be painful for me to make this post but at this point i feel like it needs to be done. someone within the liz fandom has been lying, gaslighting and manipulating me as well as many others, both online and offline, and after getting proof on everything (plus their lack of remorse) has prompted me to write this.

this is about gil perez, aka @unrated-g, and one of his irl friends, kim @kimbus-the-whimbus, to a lesser extent, but mostly gil. since 2016 - nearly 5 years now - he’s been lying that he’s best friends with liz gillies. i’m gonna put a read more because it’s a long, insane, and ridiculous thing that happened, but please read all of it and know how serious this is, as well as all the damage this man has done.

​

i met gil through tumblr in 2018 - he had been replying my posts since before that, but early 2018 is when i followed him and started chatting with him casually. over time, i noticed that he would reblog posts about liz and in the tags he would seem to be talking to her or referencing her, but not by her name - instead he would call her “goblin”. he would mention things that “goblin” liked or behind the scenes on dynasty stuff, and after a few weeks of noticing this and chatting with him about dynasty/liz, i ended up asking him if he was friends with liz/knew her personally because of the way he spoke about her. he confirmed to me that he knew her, she was one of his best friends, and he “didn’t expect” anyone to pick up on it. he told me to keep it private and i agreed, obviously, because i had no reason to not trust him, and i know that liz values her privacy.

it’s important to note that liz does NOT follow him or any of his accounts from her verified twitter or instagram accounts - instead, he said she had an “extremely private” encrypted tumblr account that could only be seen by people she follows/white listed. he was one of them. her blog would not show up for anyone else, and they met through tumblr in 2016 (even though he said she followed him back in 2010 and he didn’t realize until 6 years later) through their mutual love for uncharted, and bonded over playing uncharted 4 multiplayer together. it’s also important to note that liz has had 2 tumblr accounts since 2010, both of which she has abandoned, and he said that her private tumblr is separate from those two. she also was friends with him (according to him) through PSN, where they would play ps4 games together, and all of his text convos with her are from that app:

(^ “liz’s” PSN account)

throughout all of 2018, we would text on a regular basis and started becoming good friends. he was extremely kind, always willing to be there for me, and listened to me about not only fandom stuff but also my irl problems. he also became friends with my friend group, who were also in the liz fandom, and it was really nice for a while. in october of 2018, gil said he went to HHN with liz and matt in LA, and for xmas of 2018, he said he spent it with liz - both in LA and in NJ, which is what she typically does to spend her holidays with her family and friends. her pale blue eyes cover was also for him, according to gil, because he asked for her to cover it specifically and she did just for him.

gil would also occasionally stream for friends, and sometimes liz would show up:

beginning of 2019 is when gil and i started getting much closer - we started playing games together (mostly mario kart, at the beginning) and talking through voice chat. he would talk about liz and personal things about her/her life or dynasty, and he always willingly supplied that information himself - i never asked for it, i wasn’t friends with him to get information on liz or have an “in” with her. chatting with him made me feel good and happy and important to him, and i realized i started having feelings for him - which i told him about in april 2019. he said he wasn’t sure exactly how he felt but he thought he might feel the same, the only really complicated part (besides the fact that this was long distance/not irl) was that he also had a really deep crush on liz, someone who was his best friend/ultimate celeb crush. he was really like in love with her, even though he said he tried to suppress it. anyways, after me admitting that to him, our friendship started to develop into something more. we weren’t ever in an official relationship, but things were definitely not strictly platonic with us. we went from chatting once every week or two to almost every single night for 3-6 hours per night for MONTHS. throughout that time, our relationship became sexual, too, and my feelings for him just continued to get deeper and deeper.

this continues throughout the rest of 2019, and then new years 2020, everything just...goes to shit asap. gil got really distant with me with no explanation, i felt like all the affection he was showing me and the kind things he would say to me, as well as our bonding time when we would chat together, was just ripped away unexpectedly. i constantly asked what was wrong and what was happening, and told him how i feel, and i got no real response besides just being tired/non-sociable, etc. (which, for the record, is completely understandable, but it was such a huge 180 in behavior that it worried me and things never went back to normal after that). in addition to that, kim (who was mentioned at the beginning of this post) is one of his best friends irl, as well as his on again/off again ex (according to him). anyways, there were posts that she had made that indicated to them not being exes and instead still together - or at the very least not platonic - which crushed me when i found out, because until that point i had no reason not to trust him. i told him about it though, and how it hurt me because my feelings were so deep for him at that point i felt that i loved him, and he told me they weren’t together. this isn’t really necessary for the liz stuff of this post, but it’s important for context for how hurt and on edge i was already feeling before things got worse.

we would still chat maybe a few times a week, but nothing like it used to be, and i was happy we would even chat at all, even though things felt so weird and different and off, and no matter what i did, i couldn’t fix it. as 2020 started going on, and this continued, his friendship with liz started making me feel extremely uncomfortable. knowing that he had the weird boundaries with his ex, plus whatever was going on with me and him, AND that he was in love with liz?? it was unsettling. i felt like i couldn’t compare, because it’s *liz gillies*, someone i obviously love and idolize and look up to. and she was up on a pedestal for him, even though he said that he never tried to treat liz differently than his other close friends just bc of who she was, but that wasn’t true. anything that she said or did, he agreed with 100%, and would defend it. when he and i would chat, and i would mention something about dynasty that bothered me, he would talk about what liz’s thoughts were on it and how she felt and that she was right to feel that way and it made me feel awful. this happened on multiple occasions throughout various topics, from dynasty to fandom stuff to liz’s friendships/relationships, etc. no matter what, to gil, liz was always right and he always had an explanation for anything that happened. the way he would describe liz and the thing he said about her made me see her in a completely different light - she was not the same liz that she presented herself as, at least in gil’s eyes. 

he would always talk about how amazing liz was to him and how she did so much for him, such as buying him gifts, supporting his art, etc. this was hurtful to hear because i was doing the exact same things for him, as well as our group of friends: we had been buying his art (not only the art prints but the ACTUAL original copies), sending him gifts or money for gifts, supporting him and his art on social media, as well as just being a genuine friend to him. he never appreciated or thanked us the way that he thanked liz; none of us ever compared to her, even though we were doing the exact same thing for him that he said liz was doing, as well. it made me feel like no matter what i did, or how supportive i was, i was never enough.

we also had a discord with gil, that involved him, me, and my friends sarah, hope, amanda, and dom. within this discord, it’s worth noting that gil was the only man there, and would talk about liz and his friendship with her there, unprompted. we never asked for info, he volunteered everything willingly, and we all kind of glossed over it at the time because we weren’t friends with him for liz or any of that.

(the screenshot gil linked in the gc is what “liz’s” private encrypted blog looks like on his dash. please note the edit post button in the bottom right of the screenshot.)

another important thing about his friendship with liz/being in love with her: he has this specific kink (which i don’t want to say what it is for privacy reasons) and he said that liz was engaging in this kink herself, and that he was jealous of liz’s bf/wishes he could engage in it with liz, etc. i wasn’t into this kink before talking to him but because i had liked him so much at the time, and i was slightly jealous that he wanted it with liz, i thought that i could indulge in it for him. it was something that i was not physically or mentally prepared for/able to make happen, and it really caused an impact on me, and he just...didn’t care. at all.

anyways: this stuff continues, then around summer 2020, my friend sarah reached out to him. she (and my friends, along with me) were starting to distrust the things gil was saying about liz, since it went completely against what liz would say herself. she would say she only plays the sims 3 on her computer - he would say she was a huge gamer and played the sims 4 on ps4, along with minecraft, uncharted, the last of us, horizon zero dawn, etc. he would say that liz and maddison brown (her dynasty co-star) played ACNH with him and quickly got to 5 stars - liz said in a zach sang interview that she didn’t play animal crossing. every time something didn’t add up, his excuse was that liz was lying for her privacy. she didn’t follow gil on any verified social media accounts in case “people harassed him” over being friends with her. so sarah texted him that she needed to talk to him about the liz stuff, because there was evidence it wasn’t true, and he denied all of it. he firmly stuck to his story, and sarah gave him multiple chances over several days to come clean and he wouldn’t. she asked for simple pieces of proof that he could give her, and he wouldn’t besides fake screenshots of her “private blog”:

 he told me afterwards that if it comes between his friendship with liz or sarah’s, he’s picking liz - end of story. his and sarah’s friendship was done after that because of his decision. he blamed sarah for “ruining” liz and maddison’s friendship because of her asking for proof, and made her out to be the bad one in that situation. he ended up deleting the discord gc after this happened, with all of his screenshots/”info” as liz as well (we got screenshots of things before he deleted it though, much more that’s shown in this post).

about a month later, my friend léa also confronted him about it. gil had told her some things about liz’s “reaction” to meeting léa in paris, and at the time, it had made the experience more special for her. once she realized it was all lies, though, it really hurt her - he altered that special experience for her and twisted it into something that wasn’t real. he had the same reaction to léa’s conversation as he did to sarah’s, and he refused to tell the truth. their friendship was done with after, as well, along with a few other people from the liz fandom. i was the only one who stayed friends with him after that, and that was because i was closest with him and still trying to see if i could fix things with him. i was still naively believing that he would treat me okay again, he would make me feel important instead of always a backup option, that he wanted me again. 

but of course that never happened. he continued to ignore me, talk to me less and less, and would subtweet me on his private account. after he stopped being friends with sarah and léa and everyone blocked him except for me, i was the only follower on his private account, as well as being the only person he followed there. gil, though, kept saying that liz had a “private twitter” where she would talk to him on his private account. he also said that he had “merged twitter accounts” into one, which was his private, which messed up his account and wouldn’t show who he was replying to, quote rts, or that he was following them, which - if you have a twitter, you KNOW none of that can actually happen. but it was his excuse to constantly subtweet me and my friends for not believing him, to maintain his story, AND to have convos with “liz” on there that only i could see, where he made it sound like he was talking shit about me to her. it was extremely manipulative and served no purpose except to fuck with me, because he knew that i was the only one seeing those tweets and knew i was already struggling with not knowing what to believe. here’s some of them:

(you can very clearly see that i’m the only follower/following on that account, the number is at literally 1, and he STILL was acting like he was talking to someone else and that other people were following him.)

now comes jan. 2021!! WE GOT DEFINITE PROOF THAT IT WAS ALL LIES. from multiple people. one of liz’s close best friends (that gil included in his stories about her, saying that he met them) said that they don’t know who gil is, have never met him, and it’s best for us all to block him for our own safety. a co-worker of liz’s (who was, again, included in gil’s lies, that he hung out with them multiple times, played games with them online, and bought him gifts) said that not only had they never met gil, but EVERYTHING he said about them was untrue. they even listed the inaccuracies he would say about them, such as gil taking photos of them at things like the SWT, and they confirmed who actually took the photo. they said that “none of it is fucking true” and that gil is a narcissistic liar, and also encouraged us to block him for our own safety. 

i confronted gil myself about this a few weeks ago, and he continued to maintain his story that everyone’s lying to protect his privacy - even though we know for sure that wasn’t the case. he FINALLY owned up to it to me only once he saw i had proof and he was caught, and his reason for doing it was “he was bored”. he said he was sorry but he wasn’t truly apologetic - he either didn’t fully realize the scope of how hurtful his lies and manipulations were, or he just didn’t care, but the bottom line is that he always chose his fantasy of liz over his actual friends. around this time, once he knew he was caught, he also deactivated his private account, but brought it back a week or so later, with all of the subtweets and tweets about liz being deleted. all of the unverified accounts that were supposed to be liz - the tumblr account, psn, twitch, etc. - were all fake and made by him, so he could make it seem more real.

even if he WAS telling the truth about being friends with liz, he still would have completely violated her privacy by the amount of “secret” things he told all of us - from her kinks/sex life, to work life, to very personal things that he claims happened to her. knowing it’s all fake though, and he made up an entire personality and life for liz that doesn’t exist??? it’s insane.

now the part with kim - she’s known gil irl for over 10 years, and has tweeted about liz all the time, about how “good” liz is to her because of gil, and that she’s the one who encouraged him to talk to her. she brags about it constantly, even though none of it is real. she also tweeted multiple times throughout 2018-2019 about how gil “finally deserves to meet liz in person”, even though gil said he met liz irl back in 2017 or so - AND that she came to texas, where he lives, to meet him and his friends. when asked about her tweets, he said that kim’s account was “messed up” and her tweets weren’t “tweeted at the right time”. one of my friends reached out to tell her and show her the proof of gil lying, because gil has been lying to her and other people irl too, and instead she mocked us, belittled us, and chose not to believe a group of women coming to her about a 30 year old (!!) man manipulating us. gil said that kim was “aware of it all being a lie for years now” to me, but i think that was another lie, that he’s STILL lying to her about it. if not, then that means that kim was also lying for many years about knowing liz too, and used it to make us all the butt of her joke, so. so much for her being an “empath” and wanting to help people but anyways!!

the last screenshot is of her subtweeting us and implying that everyone involved with liz is lying for her and gil’s privacy, even though we have proof that that simply isn’t true.

i’m sorry for how long this is, but i need people to understand how serious this is. he’s been lying for 5 YEARS now about knowing liz - about her “accidentally sending nudes” to him, that gil is one of her best friends and he would’ve been at her wedding, that she’s a huge gamer who plays with him - all of it. it’s all lies. he created a fantasy version of liz that doesn’t exist, and incorporated into his real life, his friendships both online and off, and made it his entire personality. he’s not sorry about what he’s done - as i’m writing this, he’s still on tumblr, talking in the tags to “liz” again, because he’d rather uphold his fantasy life where he’s best friends with liz when in reality, she has no idea he even exists. and if she did, i’m certain that she would be disgusted with what he’s done. he lied about her, oversexualized her, used his kinks on her which was brought onto me - someone he knew that was vulnerable and had feelings for him, manipulated people into trying to believe his lies, gaslit people to make them unable to tell what was true and what was fake, and had absolutely zero respect for any of us. he even listened to me cry to him on the phone MULTIPLE times about how insecure and worthless i felt to him compared to liz, and he didn’t do ANYTHING about it. he sat there and listened to me cry, knowing he could own up to his lie, and he chose not to. he’s not sorry about what he’s done, and he’s going to continue to spread his lies. please block him. i can’t express how much he’s hurt me, the therapy that i need to have because of him, how much he’s hurt my friends and how little he respects women in general tbh. he always tried to come off as “one of the good guys” but now i know he’s harmful and not to be trusted. he even tried to separate me from my friends, and make it seem like they’re the ones making this situation even harder for him. i’ve tried so, so many times to get through to him, waiting to see if he’d change or show some remorse or anything, but after over a year of this i don’t think he will, and it genuinely hurts me to know that. BLOCK HIM.

[sinsbymanka]

Hey. I'm sorry. So. Your post about sunseekerknight is really long and it seems out of date. I thought everything had been resolved and she promised to make amends but this all started back around again and it sounds like your issue isn't solved. Can you update me real quick? Sorry.

Thanks for being polite and coming to me. I’ll try to summarize things to the best of ability while also noting this is kinda a clusterfuck. It got long, so it’s under a cut.

In March 2020, I commissioned @sunseekerknight (I’m blocked so I can’t actually @ her) to do a Tarot Card commission of my Inquisitor for $80. I sent the money via PayPal friends and family as she requested which is something I no longer do for artists, even though I’d done it before with no problems. 

The main post goes over my initial experience really well - the repeated attempts at contact and missed deadlines. This post was made on June 18, 2020 and blew up. I informed Ada that day I was making the post and she told me she’d be doing so as well. 

I’d already filed the PayPal claim which was ultimately denied because I’d sent the money via friends and family, despite SSK’s assurances she’d help me resolve it in my favor. 

I didn’t hear from SSK after this and I didn’t contact her. My father passed away on June 20th and I was busy dealing with the personal fallout of that (he’d been in the hospital the whole month of June as it was) so my priorities swung towards processing my own grief and planning what happens next. 

On July 10th, my PayPal claim was denied. I forwarded the claim to SSK with the following message:

I want to inform you that PayPal has indicated, due to the way you asked me to send the funds (friends and family), they are unable to provide any sort of refund based on their policies. It is your responsibility to make the refund.

Because of the history of fraud I've uncovered, I will be pursuing this further. I am, in particular, asking PayPal to mark this account as one used for fraudulent transactions and scamming money before closing it. My hope is that this account is in your real name and that getting this account marked for fraud has real consequences you have to live with.

I honestly didn’t expect to hear from SSK again, but I did on July 12th: 

Oh, I see. Now the difficult situation has become even more difficult. I'm sorry to say this, but, as I said earlier, I had only two offers for people affected by my actions - a PayPal dispute or finished art. And since PayPal is useless in this situation, all I can offer you - is art. I’m still ready to finish your commission because I don't want you to be left with nothing. I would like to return the money, really, but it will take time and I don't know how much, considering the current situation on Tumblr. I still want to resolve this issue peacefully, despite what is happening now. I know that you don't trust me, and I understand this, as well as the fact that you are disappointed, angry, etc., but still I want to do at least something so as not to leave the situation as it is now. But if this is your final decision, then okay, I understand and accept it.

This message struck me as victim blaming. I am, after all, responsible for the situation on Tumblr which means she can’t get commissions. I reacted with some venom and my tone is not great here, but I do ask you to understand the frame of mind I was in here on July 13th: 

I don't think it's fair to claim that PayPal is being unhelpful in this situation when it is you who are refusing to refund money for a service that was purchased and not completed. I think it would make me feel better if you started phrasing the "situation" in a way that took responsibility for it. Such as: "I cannot refund the money to you myself, because I spent it before delivering what you paid for, and I cannot get your dispute resolved through PayPal because I asked you to send the payment a specific way that precludes disputes." 

I also feel hurt that immediately after I sent my email on Friday, you blocked me from Tumblr and turned all your social media accounts private. I can't think of why you would do this when you claim to still want to resolve this and when I have been more than kind. I find it difficult to believe that you didn't know what my review would cause - it sounds to me like this is something that has been brewing for awhile. Frankly, I'm amazed it took three years. I would also appreciate if, instead of blaming the "situation" on Tumblr for your inability to receive new commissions, you began taking responsibility for that as well. May I suggest: "My actions in the past three years have harmed many people and they are angry about it with good cause. Because I have damaged my reputation to a great extent, I will probably not receive many, if any, people willing to pay me money for commissions." 

I fully expect to receive nothing from you: art or my money returned. When speaking with PayPal on Friday, they advised the only way to shut your PayPal account down is if I file a criminal complaint with the IC3, which is the US's Internet Crimes division of the FBI. I did so and sent them the screenshots I have of all our conversations, your posts on Tumblr, and links to the posts of other people who publicly came out regarding the same behavior they experienced. I'm uncertain I can withdraw my complaints from both PayPal and the IC3, and if I could I don't think I would. I'm sure this isn't something that is high priority for them, but I assume eventually they will contact you to discuss your actions. The way I see it, you have three options at this point in time:

Find some way to issue a refund to me, and any other customers you've wronged. If I am contacted by investigators, I will say a refund was eventually issued in my case. 

Deliver the art you promised to me, and any other customers. If I am contacted by investigators, I will say a product was eventually delivered in my case. 

Continue to ignore what you've done and hope that no real consequences come of it. 

As to the art, I don't want it anymore. It has been tainted by this awful experience and I will not enjoy it. I will, however, accept it if you choose to do it to lessen whatever consequences you may end up facing because, truly, I'd rather you learn from this than end up with financial or legal consequences that are even more burdensome. 

Honestly. I never expected to hear from SSK again. But I did because this is the drama that never ends. On July 20th: 

I must apologize for the long silence. Sorry, I just got home from an unexpected vacation with my family, and I followed the advice of my parents and friends - spend these days away from work and the Internet to feel better. As I said, I understand you. You sound reasonable and you are totally right - it is my responsibility for that. And I'm trying to work it out, even if these are rather strange ways. And it wasn't about you personally. This was part of another problem with a friend I was trying to protect, and I followed the advice to keep the accounts private during the "war" and block some people on the tumblr during this time to avoid any collisions. But still, I was available for correspondence via email, and now all my accounts are again freely available. I know how it looks like, especially for you, when you have really been more than kind to me, and I cannot apologize enough to somehow change and improve this situation. I just fucked up on all fronts and I admit it. And I see, yes. I don't mind returning your art or money, it's just a matter of time. These are not days, these are weeks or months, and it is solely a matter of your patience. If you do not mind waiting, then I will try to return the money to you, since you no longer want art for obvious reasons. I understand and accept it, and it's okay. If you're willing to wait, I'll keep you informed of the refund situation and will do it as soon as I can.

You’ll note earlier I told you I can’t tag SSK cause I’m blocked. I’ve never been unblocked since July despite her saying she would. This is also the last email I got from SSK. I’ve had no communication since to my knowledge.

At this point in time I was tired. Really tired. It was bad news I got this email exactly a month after my father passed because I just didn’t want to do it anymore. This is my second to last email to SSK in response also on July 20th: 

Please feel free to do what you need to do to manage the situation. For my part, I have said and done all I can. I have asked for a refund for a service you have been unable to provide in a reasonable time frame, and thus you are legally obligated to return my money in the same reasonable time frame. That time frame has passed already.

When I am contacted by authorities about this matter in response to my complaints, I will tell them you have promised refunds but have not delivered. The only thing you could do to change this answer is to issue a refund before I am contacted.

This exchange is draining and unhelpful for me. I ask that you please do not contact me again until you are ready to issue a refund. 

On September 25th, I was informed SSK had successfully opened commissions on Twitter and Instagram. This spurred me to send one final email: 

I've been informed you recently reopened commissions to buy yourself something and met your goal, even though you only advertised on Twitter and Instagram. 

I would like to remind you that I'm still owed a refund AND you shouldn't spend that commission money until you deliver on that art. Please do not rip and entire new group of people off. 

There are other people, in the notes of the original post, who can attest to terrible experiences similar to mine. In particular, @starsandskies, @vorchagirl, and @charlatron have all come forward to talk about what she’s done and their experiences. Her pattern seems to be to open commissions, deliver a few, have the rest dragged out of her, and then to not do other ones. I drew the short straw this time. 

I don’t know if she’s reading this - if she is, at this point all I really want is an apology, a list of people who are waiting for art/refunds from her, and a plan as to how she’s going to make it right. If she doesn’t do those things, I suspect I’m going to keep getting dragged back into this cluster for awhile to talk about my experiences. 

If you’re waiting for artwork Non, open PayPal disputes and file complaints if you need to. The sooner the better. 

[literaticat]

Hi Jen, I was wondering what would be your tips for knowing if an agent is the right fit for someone, what kind of expectations newbie writers should have, what kind of questions to ask, because I know writers need an agent but I still don't quite understand the extent in which an agent aids a writer in, so I fear signing with someone and it being a big mistake, thank you in advance.

This is a LOT of questions, and kind of encapsulate like, the entire point of this thousands-of-entries-long tumblr. I could write a book about this question! Let me see if I can just do VERY SWIFT answers, and for more in-depth, you can look at... *gestures at entire Tumblr*

How/to what extent does an Agent aid a Writer: Your agent is your advocate and fiduciary. They only get paid when you get paid - so they really want you to succeed. Some of the things your agent will do*: Help you polish your work, sell your book to publishers, negotiate your contracts so that you are getting the most fair deal possible, make sure you are getting paid correctly, chase money when you aren't, sell your subsidiary rights (so that your book might come out in other countries, or as a film, or whatever) -- they play "bad cop" and have your back when a publisher is being out of pocket, they give you support and answer questions and basically... help you! In lots of ways. Throughout the entire publishing process. They are on your team.

* (or at least TRY to do - we can't guarantee that we can sell your book, but that's the goal!)

How do you know if an agent is the right fit: What you can do is research. First start by looking for agents who do the kind of books you do / want to do. (Look on QueryTracker - get a month long subscription to Publishers Marketplace - look in the acknowledgements of books you love - Google your fave authors and see who reps them - lots of ways to get these names.) So now you have a list, right? Now, look up each of these agents websites. See if they are actually still at that agency, and open to submissions. See what is on their "wish list". You will soon be able to narrow the list some, because some people either won't be open, or won't want what you are writing. Now, when you have a good list, you'll start to have a sense of the agent's style and personality based on their favorite books and other clients and how they are on social media (or IF they are). Read some interviews with them. Etc. If an agent really does NOT seem like a fit for you for some reason - don't query them.

If you do query them, and they offer representation, ask if you can speak to some of their clients. (Of course their clients may be kinda biased because usually, they like their agent! But hey.) Of course at the end of the day - you can't REALLY know what it is like to work with somebody until you work with them.

What should authors expect from an agent: Your agent should be trustworthy and straightforward. Hopefully they either have lots of experience selling the kinds of books you write, OR if they are newer, they are with a reputable agency that has that experience. Some agents are more intensely editorial than others - some are more "business-person"ish and some are more casual - everyone is different, you know? So if you are having a call where they are offering you rep, you will have the opportunity to ask them questions.

There are lots of lists online of "questions to ask an agent" so I'm not going to put them all here but basically, I'd want to know what their feelings are about MY book, where they see it in the marketplace, if they think there are changes to be made -- how they like to communicate, what does the submission process look like - -what they value in a client.... How does their agency handle foreign rights -- etc. Lots of questions! (Usually these calls last at least an hour - and they will be giving you A LOT of information, so you might want to take notes while it's happening!)

I fear signing with somebody and it being a big mistake: I'm going to float a bold idea: Despite what many folks say -- this ISN'T akin to a marriage. You don't have to be besties with your agent, and it isn't Till Death Do You Part. It's a business partnership. You want to trust them and feel comfortable talking to them - you have to communicate well together - you have to be cordial to one another - but you DON'T have to go on vacation together or braid each other's hair or finish each other's sentences. There are plenty of people I know in a business setting, that I trust and respect -- that I don't necessarily want to hang out with on the weekend. Just something to keep in mind - that "right fit" doesn't have to mean BFF.

And if you DO need to break it off for whatever reason down the line - it's really OK. That doesn't mean that they OR you are "bad" or "wrong" -- just sometimes it doesn't work out, but that's not the end of the world.

[the-bea-hive]

OK ITS ME. going insane anon. anyways ok rant. this whole discourse is stupid shit im gonna be honest. it’s not even about who’s wrong like yeah no duh yall both did stupid shit BUT they literally had a whole discord chat talking shit about luvajax, so their thing is clearly worse and they are like 60% more at fault. using the excuse “oh i was defending my friend” by talking abt luvajax behind their back? by mocking their DNI? like i’ve definitely seen people and users with extensive DNI’s that i’ve raised a brow at but i dont go and make fun about it to my friends i just dont bother following them! i get that sometimes ur mad at someone for something and venting slowly becomes shit talking but they should know when they’ve crossed a line. Also! “i feel exposed and not secure” ok is that luvajax’s fault? no! that’s their own separate problem that they should discuss between themselves and not bring it up as though it’s a valid (or even relevant) defence/counterargument to what luvajax has done/said. it was literally like 4 against one, in what way did they think this was justifiable. and them using excuses and saying that it was everyones fault is so incredibly dumb because while i agree that yes both parties are at fault, it really just stems down to them reacting very very badly to one of luvajax’s somewhat poor response. (said response could have been due to maybe a bad day, maybe their internet tone is very dry as compared to how they actly felt. there were so many possibilities that the group could have just talked to luvajax in private but instead decided to talk shit about them. behind their back.) even then luvajax took the time and effort to change their layout so many times, so clearly their actions spoke louder then their words. this whole thing is so stupid and they should just resolve this discourse privately in their dm’s instead of this frankly embarrassing display of indirecting each other. (i say each other. honestly it’s mainly test-tube, luvajax is just answering asks about the discourse but still like. just handle it in private. and dont like give live updates about your private dm’s on your VERY public accounts. absolutely insane.) [i should be a commentary youtuber…james charles im coming for you next] (oh god im qctually going insane thats so many words i am so sorry for dumpin all this on you! am i projecting because something like thisbhappened to me maybe but also not the point point is dont talk shit about people behind their back)

i think it’s admirable that so many of us in the genshin tumblr community were able to come together to defend and stick up for someone after they were hurt like this. i don’t know if most people realize this, but these exact situations are what lead people (especially kids) to harm themselves. when you sit behind a screen and devalue someone to this extent, it’s really awful. im just hoping these ppl do the right thing and apologize and get off social media until they’re able to act maturely and use it properly.

[silvialightning]

I had a look in the notes of the ‘despite it’s flaws I enjoy it’, and the number of people in there saying that cancel culture isn’t real and doesn’t effect people is wild to me. Like I was an autistic teenager while it was really big and it screwed up my social development in a way that I’m still having to work hard to undo, caused me to have some very Puritan views regarding my own sexuality, caused people to talk to me in increasingly ableist ways until I just stopped putting anything I created online, destroyed my ability to use fandom spaces as a means of relaxing during periods of trauma, and directly led to the suicide of at least two people in my online vicinity. Like what more do they want it to do?

It is wild that some ppl don’t think that cancel culture is real or that impactful to someone’s life. It’s dangerous to the “target” of the harassment/canceling, plus it teaches thousands of anonymous ppl to bandwagon against someone when they make one small mistake (or even if it was something done years ago) or hell, it might not even be a “bad thing” they did at all and it’s just an opinion or misunderstanding one person had that now hundreds are repeating. And the pressure involved in being in that environment and worrying about saying something deemed “wrong.” To have those very same ppl turn on you in an instant is scary.

Internet and the culture on it is such a rapidly growing thing, with people reacting on emotional instinct and behind anonymity thus not actually facing the weight of their words/actions done onto others. And the fact that so many young people are involved is troubling too. Bc they’re learning that this is just what you do. And. It’s so not ok to do this kind of thing. To harass and threaten others.

Then there’s an unspoken rule in those circles about if you defend someone or suggest not being so harsh to others, your “friends” could turn on a dime and call you vile things. It’s very fucked up that internet culture has done this shift in such a reactionary way and people can’t seem to think critically and instead jump to threats and insults and the like.

There’s a dangerous “us vs them” mentality that’s so unhealthy to be involved with. I’ve seen those circles forming on tumblr with some shows/games/etc. Fandom should always be a fun way to escape reality for a bit and it’s a shame fandom is the way it is now.

For someone to deny cancel culture they must not be very invested in fandom/spends little time on the internet or watching news. But it’s been brought up so often for such a long time now?? Maybe they don’t understand the full extent of it??? Maybe they see it as petty things being accused at another, and that commonality is so frequent that people can just….brush it off and ignore that kind of shit. Not everyone can shake off that kind of harassment. It is hard to ignore, even if it’s coming from kids and you know they’re pushing the envelope and acting immature (sometimes even adults act on that purity culture, which is alarming when they themselves cannot be mature) Online drama can snowball in the dumbest ways sometimes.

I think maybe some people are just ignorant to the scope of real harm people on the internet can cause others. Not everyone can just ignore comments and go about their day. Especially if you dive headfirst into fandom drama, it can be mentally harmful with how toxic people can get. And no amount of explaining the harm they cause will change their minds.

If you slip up with phrasing something or make a bad joke or just not realize something you said is bad….People will Let You Know you fucked up, in some extreme cases with threats of harm. Being in such a pressured environment would effect anyone, especially people who just want to fit in and have friends.

Tbh I could ramble on about how I’ve seen people (mostly in fandom spaces, bc tumblr is the only social media really I have) take this hard right into being super critical of every little action someone does…. And wonder about the dangerous group mentality of it. People don’t just block others or blacklist tags anymore? That’s literally what they’re there for. And cancel culture is absolutely causing so much harm to so many people I cannot see how anybody would be unaware of it.

The ability to acknowledge the effect it has had on you and to try and work through that takes a lot and I’m glad you’re at that stage with it. And hopefully you’ll find a chill group in whatever fandoms you like so you can enjoy creating/talking about those things again. (Also that block button is very useful! If I ever see someone in the fandom tag saying extremely messed up/threatening things about a shipping group for example, that’s an immediate block. It’ll help cultivate a better experience.)

[ariesjupiter]

Event Astrology: Creation of Tumblr 💫

Since it’s Pisces season and Tumblr’s Birthday is tomorrow, Feb 19th, I wanted to talk about the astrology of this website! First of all, there’s a huge Pisces and 10th house stellium. Pisces deals with spirituality, dreams, imagination, creativity, and empathy. The tenth house deals with public persona, how you’re seen online, power, contribution to society, and overall reputation, especially when it comes to your career. This combination means that tumblr is known for being creative and a place where romanticization of life happens, at least many blogs and posts have that dreamy feel. Even though there aren’t any planets in the 12th house, I’d argue Pisces is also associated with solitude & being alone. Going on tumblr feels so different from typical social media. It feels detached & disconnected from other popular apps. To me it feels comforting and a place where you can express your interests without feeling the need to show off your personal life. That’s how I see Pisces. Ok, now let’s dive in.

Pisces Sun in the 10th House: This placement explains why Tumblr is known as a space where people share their art. A real person with this placement would be known for being a talented artist. There is a need to distinguish from others in the public eye here. 10th house sun suggests a hard worker. A lot of people on tumblr put in a lot of time and work into crafting their blogs and managing their account. The mixture of Pisces and the 10th house here indicates a large amount of wisdom. You can find lots of serious, emotional posts on here with lessons, inspiration, and pieces of advice. Compared to other social media sites, Tumblr is a quiet and behind the scenes yet still very established and well known.

Pisces Moon in the 10th House: People with this moon placement usually have a need to escape. Tumblr feels like a safe way to escape from reality for a while. As previously mentioned, Tumblr (the people on it) is known for romanticizing daily life and the little mundane things. Aesthetics and pretty things matter. It’s still somewhat seen today but years ago there was a huge, collective emo phase with a strong connection to musical artists who wrote emotional songs. I think this placement contributes to the site being misunderstood. There’s more than what meets the eye/what you’ve heard about it. There is an emotional need for recognition and achievement here. That makes sense for any social media.

Pisces Mercury in 10th House: Here there is a silly and some may say odd overall type of humor on Tumblr. Mercury being in the 10th means they may be criticized publicly for the way they think and how they express their thoughts. This placement is concerned with bettering themselves. They want to be remembered for being a good communicator and a knowledgeable person who achieved many things.

Pisces Venus in 10th House: Again, all the Pisces themes of the arts, spiritual realm, and romance are heightened here in the planet of love and the public 10th house. Open minded and find it easy to love people, places, and things. Pisces venus could typically have a tendency to idolize people to a great extent but being in the 10th house there is an added layer of realism and detachment. Even though it’s in the 10th house, Pisces venus aren’t attracted to money and material wealth. There is a widely accepted notion going around on Tumblr recently that celebrity culture can be toxic and there is a dislike of rich people. Pisces venus people especially value genuinely kind people who are giving and have strong morals.

Capricorn Mars in the 8th House: There is something mysterious about this placement. They value privacy. This makes sense with the ability to hide or display your likes and who you’re following. Also connects to how tumblr doesn’t show other people your follower count. Psychology and spirituality are two interests this placement would gravitate towards. I didn’t want to have to go there but this placement just makes a lot of sense for when there used to be........you know, .... available on Tumblr. I’ll leave it at that.

Sagittarius Jupiter in the 6th House: I read on Astrohealer.com that the 6th house is associated with your early twenties and therefore ideological formation. Due to all the discourse on here, whether you’d like to admit it or not, you might have found something you believe in here. Sagittarius is naturally philosophical and loves to travel and learn. This placement makes sense for the amount of langblrs, studyblrs, and astroblrs that are on tumblr. This placement attracts good luck/good fortune when they’re helping and educating others. I think this is something Tumblr is known for. Also Jupiter being in the same sign as Pluto, there could be a tendency to push your beliefs on to someone and cause controversy. People with Jupiter in the 6th house though are able to be critical and decide for themselves what they find right and wrong and they will voice that. This is also a great placement for writers. This site is also known for having some really long posts (uh...kind of like this one now.)

Leo Saturn in the 3rd House: This placement shows someone that denies their desire to be in the spotlight or show off. You dislike authority & believe everyone should be in charge of themselves. There’s a mixture of being proud yet insecure here. People with this placement could have back issues. I know it’s a common thing, but so many people on here write posts about their back hurting even at a young age, so I think that’s interesting. 3rd house means you could be outspoken and you take your time to pay attention to your surroundings.

Pisces Uranus in the 10th House: Natural dreamers who find unique ways to solve problems. Uranus being in the 10th house means they’re known for being quirky and inventive. There is a deep desire to help humanity here. I’ve seen that over the years on tumblr.

Aquarius Neptune in the 9th House: A person/place where big goals and dreams are put into action. They may not always be the most realistic though. A creative teacher and a placement that’s open to new or seemingly unusual ideas.

Sagittarius Pluto in the 7th House: Philosophy is a natural topic of interest here. A passion for talking about how beliefs change as well. A placement that truly wants to change the world for the better. This is a true mediator placement. Since the 7th house is an air house, it’s naturally logical and engaging in debates and discourse is transformational. it’s the house of relationships. maybe you made meaningful friendships on tumblr that changed your life/your outlook on life.

Gemini Rising: Obviously I don’t know the exact time of creation, but this makes sense. Gemini rising is known for having lots of interests and having a love of engaging in discussions with people. Tumblr is known for it’s different ‘sides’ (various blog communities/interests) and having various phases through time. Gemini rising is always evolving. Also there’s multiple functions on tumblr whereas the main goal of say, Snapchat, is to send pictures to your friends or story which eventually goes away.

Aquarius 10th House/Midheaven: I knew there had to be a major Aqua placement. Unique creators who come up with new and exciting ideas and content. True trend setters. Tumblr has always been years ahead of its time compared to other social media site users in terms of musicians who get popular, fashion and clothing trends, specific discourse topics, and even the creation of certain popular aesthetics. Aquarius is associated with friendships and the collective. As opposed to Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook where most of your friends/followers are people you know, Tumblr is all about following people you’ve (chances are) never met irl. Aquarius is associated with computers, humanity, and nonconformity.

Let me know if there’s any recommendations you’d like to see for an event analysis. Feel free to share your thoughts on whether you agree or disagree with things I said in this interpretation. I find it really interesting to look at charts of when bands were founded, when something was discovered etc. Hopefully this wasn’t too repetitive. Maybe I’ll try to add some aspect interpretations next time

[botwstoriesandsuch]

Since you’re promoting Zelda OCs I would like to share this thing that happened to me with you and if you want you can also tell me what you think. There is this botw artist who had her Zelda OC whom I liked very much. Her art is beautiful but she’s been very mean. It's true: “never meet your heroes”. One day she shared a post about her OC asking others if they had ocs as well. I shared my OC in the comment section saying I made my OC based of myself. She immediately DM me saying I should delete the comment because to her it looked like I wanted to use her ‘popularity’ to promote my art (dude wtf she isn’t even THAT famous lmao). I ofc told her I was ashamed by it and deleted it... I complimented her and she didn’t even give a shit about it. I told her I wanted to let her see my OC to not make her feel ‘alone’ and she told me “uhm okay I don’t need your approval, I’m quite happy with that I make”. And last but not least when I said I’d been following her since 2018 she said “but I don’t see you among my followers”. What do you think? It made me so depressed I quit drawing my OC for three days.

Well, obviously I have no context for the whole extent of this situation, so very well could be misunderstand and tone and other stuff factored in there, but going off what you’ve said overall sounds like she’s a BITCH. Not very poggers of her if I do say so myself. 

There’s maybe an argument and point to made there about not putting art in another person’s art post because I guess it could be seen as derailing. But like, if she asked for people to share their ocs then people are gonna share their ocs lmao. Also, and this is just my personal opinion and I’m no artist myself so take this as you will, if someone posts art, and then someone reblogs that with their art that’s related/inspired by the original topic, 90% I’m able to appreciate both art separately. Welp, I guess she’s op so she gets some semblance onto how she wants people to interact so. Good for her for not needing people’s approval to enjoy the things she makes

But that shit about “using popularity” and questioning your follow time...wow that’s bitchy sldkjfs apologies I can’t think of the proper synonym for it but it just is. Gonna call the cops? Gonna report me? “Oh how scandalous that this person who follows me and likes my content has been following for only 200 days and not a YEAR like they said smh” boi shut the fuck up no one cares. I don’t care, and you shouldn’t care. If you’ve followed since 100 followers, sweet. If you’re here from just this month, welcome. What is this gatekeeping obsession with how long you follow people for like I get it if you’re friends or mutuals but literally what is there to gain by saying shit like “only REAL ones have been here since 1k subscribers” or “only my TRUE fans are the ones from 2017″ like fucking shut up, since when has follow time constituted for how much you enjoy and appreciate something 

“Using my popularity to your advantage” arguments have also grinded my Ancient gears. Like yes, there are assholes who only want to talk with you or be friends just so they can use your position or whatever for their benefit. They totally exist don’t get me wrong. People who are like that, you have my approval to punt them. But also, the entire idea that just because someone is benefitting from someone else’s popularity they are a bad person is really wrong. Not to bash capitalism on the Zelda sideblog, but the entire idea that the rich and “famous” (heavy heavy quotation marks there considering we are on tumblr) are only successful because of their hard work is just blatantly false. Sure it’s important, it gets you like 50-70% of the way there, but the rest of that very significant percentage is just luck, or just factors in user engagement, or current trends or maybe they’re related to someone influential. It’s a roll of the dice. You don’t own popularity, you just don’t. That is completely owed to the people that follow and engage with you, so who are you to insult them.

Now, I’m not saying that you owe your followers anything, in fact, yeah I’d agree blatantly: You don’t owe your followers anything. You make the thing, they get the thing, they follow/like/share, the transaction is over. But at the same time, don’t act like a high and mighty bitch about it, fucking “using her popularity,” how much of your precious and popular time do you waste to give a nice comment, or even sharing something made by someone else, someone that could very well be the reason you’re in the position you’re in right now. Yeah bitch how about you use your “popularity” to give attention to someone talented, what do you have to lose by sharing something good with people. And no one better give me that shit about “OhhhHhhHHhhhh but if you share it then they didn’t eaarrnnnn anything and they can’t leaaaAAARnn and growww” cause first of all no, shut the fuck up, bash your capitalism brain into the earth and stop thinking that all success and growth has to be born out of pain and sacrifice. Secondly, just because someone popular shares something, it that doesn’t mean all that engagement instantly gets passed on to another person. That engagement would only get passes if the person was skill/talented/created something great AKA they worked in that regard to earn it. Idk about you, but if someone I like promotes another person, I don’t just automatically follow them, I look at them, and if I like them and what they do, then I follow. Such an incredibly stupid argument to me when people say that people are leeching off of popularity like it’s some finite resource, anyone can get a couple hundred likes and views, but if the stuff you make is quality and good, that’s when people stick around.

If you’re “popular” you should also share the work of other people that you like. Now THAT’S JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION cause there are other reasons that you might not mass reblog shit to keep yourself organized or you purely just focus on your account for sharing and nothing else or whatever other reasons there are that are probably valid, but it’s how I feel. So if you share, don’t share because someone asked or begged you, or because you want the nice guy clout, just fucking share the stuff that you like because you like it, because those 5 seconds it takes to click a few buttons could mean a world of change to someone who very well could have been in your position had the stars of the social media algorithm aligned a bit differently.  

Wow I wrote a lot, I guess this was something I really wanted to rant about huh. I guess I just really want you to know that, yeah, that person sounds like a bitch, and you shouldn’t let that experience stop you from making the things that make you happy. TL;DR be nice to your nice followers, popularity is a made up currency so just fucking spend it wildly, OCs are pretty rad