#and dogs are more like. cooperative I guess?

[unintentional-sad-wizard]

I think the biggest difference I’ve seen so far working with cats versus dogs is that dogs believe in rules and cats don’t. If I stop a dog from doing something enough times (and find an alternate outlet for the behavior if necessary), they’ll eventually be like “oh! This is a thing that we don’t do. Got it!” and they’ll stop trying it. If I stop a cat from doing something repeatedly, they’re like “ah okay. I will reschedule my exploration of the kitchen counter for two minutes from now” and act equally confused every time I stop them.

Which isn’t a bad thing! I’ve really enjoyed figuring out the differences between these two species and how to work with them, and I find their different social behaviors super interesting. It’s just really funny that back when I lived with Flash (dog), he would really learn what I expected of him and would try to meet those expectations, but if I try to redirect Moon (cat) he assumes that I just personally have a problem with him in that specific moment.

[slut4thebroken]

Nymphomania

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jonathan Crane x patient!reader

Summary | You been trying for months to get Dr. Crane to give in. After a bold attempt, he finally breaks.

Warnings | Sexual content, 18+, smut, age gap, doctor/patient relationship?, mentions of murder, reader is so horny and we’re here for it, degradation, humiliation, face fucking, deep throating, rough oral sex, slight dubcon? but only because he’s “reluctant”, filthy nasty disgusting oral sex😭

Words | 2.6 k

Notes | He’s about 38 in this fyi. Also I already have an idea for a second part but it’s not even started so don’t expect it any time soon lol

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

Dr. Crane has been your psychiatrist for several months now. Ever since your first session, you’ve been completely smitten and you were never shy about showing it. At first he was uncomfortable with your forwardness and flirty behavior, but he quickly learned to just ignore it… and most of the time he’s successful. But every once in a while you’ll say something particularly bold and he’ll reprimand you with a blush. 

Today was no different. You were brought to the usual room where your sessions take place and you waited eagerly for him to arrive. When the door finally opened and he walked in, you perked up, a giddy smile making its way on your face. 

“How are you today?” He asked as he set down his things, then sat across from you. 

“Better now that you’re here.” You put your elbow on the table and rested your chin on your hand, staring up at him through your lashes. “How are you?”

“Busy. Shall we get started?” The dismissal was not lost on you… but you’ve never been one to cooperate. 

“You sound stressed, doctor. Maybe I can help you relax?” You purred, slowly extending your leg to brush your foot over his shin, sliding it up. He pushed your foot back down, then moved his chair back a little as he cleared his throat.

“Behave.” He warned, making your lips curl up into a smirk.

“For you? Always.” He scoffed at that, but he can’t blame you for not behaving. Not when it’s not even your fault. “It’s not my fault I act like this.” You said defensively.

“No?”  

“I wouldn’t be so needy if you’d just help me out every once in a while.” You whined, giving him puppy dog eyes. 

“I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of taking care of that yourself.” 

“I don’t like doing it myself, it’s not the same. Need you, doctor.” Your gaze shifted to his lips before settling on his hands, examining the veins leading up into his arms, covered by his suit. You wished the table wasn’t here so you could see all of him though. 

“Need your cock.” You suddenly looked at his eyes again and the only indication you got that he was affected by your words was the slight bob of his throat as he swallowed. “Please, Dr. Crane.” You pouted, leaning forward a little, wishing your top was lower to help you out. 

“If you need to be fucked so bad, you shouldn’t have killed four people and gotten yourself stuck in here.” He said, sounding almost bored. 

“I didn’t kill people, I killed men.” You said, now much more annoyed, but quickly brought your tone back to something sweeter. “And I guess I just thought at least one hot guy in here would be willing to fuck me. I didn��t plan on having my options completely limited to you.” 

“How are they limited?” 

“Because I don’t want anyone else! I just want you. And I can tell you feel the same, you’re just too obsessed with your job to act on it.” You frowned. He took in a deep breath through his nose and looked away from you as he thought. 

“Come here.” He suddenly said, leaning forward while beckoning you to do the same. Once you were leaned over the table slightly, you let your eyes fall to his lips as you waited for his next move. “My job isn't the issue. It’s the fact that you’re a criminally insane little girl.” He said lowly, making you press your thighs together as you squirmed. 

“I'm 20.” You defended weakly. 

“Exactly. I was already a legal adult when you were born.” 

“So? That just makes it hotter.” You said quietly, then bit your lip, staring up at him with wide, innocent eyes. He didn’t respond and you tried not to shrink under his gaze. After another moment you sighed and leaned back, his eyes following every movement carefully. When you pushed your chair back, he stiffened. 

“What are you doing?” You slid down the chair to the floor, then crawled under the table. He started moving his chair back so you grabbed the legs to keep it in place. Because of his attempt to get away from you, you now had enough room to get out from under the table, but the space between it and the chair was small enough that your shoulders pressed against his spread legs. 

“Please? I need your cock, Dr. Crane.” You pouted, placing your hands on his thighs and snaking them up. “I’ve been thinking about it every day for months. Please let me have a taste.” You did your best to hide your smirk as you stared up at him through your lashes. When you suddenly leaned forward and started mouthing at his cock through his clothing, he roughly grabbed your hair, making you whine and work even harder. 

“Insatiable little slut.” He spat, wrenching your head back uncomfortably so that you were looking up at him again. Since you couldn’t use your mouth, you placed a hand on his bulge, making his grip on your hair tighten. You couldn’t help the open-mouthed smile that crept up on your face at the rough treatment. That seemed to only make him angrier though. 

“Hands behind your back.” He ordered. You smirked and glanced down at your hand on his bulge, debating if you wanted to be a brat or not. When his grip got impossibly tighter, you released him and placed your hands behind yourself. You had a feeling that he would end up giving you what you want. 

“You go a few months without it and turn into a cock hungry whore,” You moaned and squeezed your thighs together, looking up at him with a glint in your eyes. “Like a fucking bitch in heat.” He spat. 

“Please, Dr. Crane.” You said through a moan. “Please, I need it.” Your gaze shifted between his face and his crotch hungrily. 

“Stop talking.” He hissed. 

“If you want me to shut up, you know what to do.” You smirked at him and he clenched his jaw, letting out a heavy breath through his nose. He seemed to be debating what to do— torn between not wanting to give you what you want and finally shutting you up. 

“Take it out.” He ordered. You don’t think your hands have ever moved faster. They immediately shot out and started working on his belt, then the button, and finally the zipper. When his cock was finally free, you let out a low moan and tried to lean forward, but he stopped you with the hand in your hair. “Hands behind your back.” You whined but obeyed and he pulled you closer, using his free hand to fist his cock. You could smell him now and you knew that he could feel your panting breaths with how close you were. 

“Please.” You mewled, shuffling closer. 

“Move your hands and we’re done. Understand?” He warned. You didn’t know if he meant done right now, or done for good and you’ll be assigned to someone else, but both options sounded terrible. 

“Yes, doctor.” You stared up at him through your lashes with wide, innocent eyes, silently pleading him to give you what you want. 

He relented and pulled your head down as your mouth fell open, eagerly anticipating what you’ve been craving since you first arrived here. When you finally wrapped your lips around the tip, you moaned loudly at the taste and let your eyes flutter shut. You flicked your tongue over it, lapping up what little precum there was, then tried to swallow him down deeper. He stopped you with the hand in your hair and you let out a long, needy whine. 

“Don’t be a brat.” You blushed at the tone he used to scold you, feeling like a child. You obeyed with a pout and mouthed at the tip of his cock, clasping your hands together so they wouldn’t subconsciously move from your back. 

He started pushing you down, then back up, agonizingly slow. When you looked up at him again, he cursed under his breath and started moving you a little faster. You hollowed your cheeks and pressed your tongue against the underside of his cock, trying hard to impress him and earn his praise. But all you got was a soft sigh. 

You whined, wanting to pull off so you could beg for more. He just shushed you and kept up the slow pace of shallow thrusts. 

“Please.” You tried to say around him, the word coming out garbled and almost incoherent. 

“What, this isn’t enough for you?” He suddenly pulled you off and you panted as you caught your breath. 

“Fuck my throat.” You gasped out, cheeks heating up. “Please.” You added so it didn’t seem like a demand. He pushed you back down, resuming the original pace. 

“I’m surprised it took murder for them to put you in here. I would’ve thought it’d be nymphomania.” You moaned at the subtle degradation and squeezed your thighs together, aching to reach a hand between your legs. He finally sped up, but kept his thrusts shallow, barely even brushing the back of your mouth. Hollowing your cheeks, you sucked harder, trying to make it even better. “That’s it… Put that mouth to good use for once.” You didn’t let the insult deter you. 

He suddenly forced you all the way down and you choked, not expecting it. Holding your hair tight enough to make your head throb, he kept you there, his cock buried so deep that your nose was against his pelvis. With the lack of air and the pressure on your gag reflex, your eyes were watering and you looked up at him with a muffled whimper, making him curse under his breath. 

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna cry? I thought you wanted this?” He sneered, making you whine. He pulled you back until just the tip was in your mouth and let you take in a deep breath before shoving you back down. Rather than holding you there, he started bobbing your head up and down his cock, breaching your throat barrier each time. You couldn’t help the way you gagged and choked, but you didn’t dare try to pull away. 

“I thought a whore like yourself would’ve been good at this.” He said, disappointed. Your brows furrowed, not able to express your frown any other way. When he removed his hands, your expression turned into one of confusion. “Go ahead, nympho. Prove that you deserve to suck my cock.” You moaned around him, but quickly stepped up to the challenge. 

You were moving much slower than he was, choking each time you forced yourself all the way down, but determined not to give up. When you looked up at him, he almost seemed bored as he watched you. You pulled off and he raised his brows in a silent question. 

“Can I please use my hands?” You asked quietly, voice already hoarse. 

“No.” With a pout, you shuffled closer and leaned down, this time aiming for his balls. His spit soaked cock rested on your face, furthering your humiliation and arousal. You licked at them before sucking one into your mouth, making him let out a pleased sigh. You worked it over in your mouth for a few seconds before moving to the other one to do the same. 

You licked up along the underside of his cock with a small smirk— he was practically pulsing because of how hard he was. When you reached the tip, you licked up the precum with a low moan, then took him back in your mouth, immediately going all the way down. 

He let you control the pace for a few more thrusts before grabbing your hair again and speeding up. When he let out a low groan, you quickly looked up to see his face, finding him with his lips slightly parted and his eyes half lidded and he stared down at you. He forced you all the way down, then held you there, and you whimpered around him, trying to control your gag reflex. 

“Lick my balls.” You furrowed your brows, still looking up at him, and he all but rolled his eyes. “Fucking lick them.” He spat, jerking your head down even though your lips were already at the base. You stuck your tongue out and tried to obey, making him groan. 

“There you go…” He placed both hands on the sides of your head for a better grip, then started roughly pulling you up and down. You choked and sputtered, but his grip was unmoving. “Fuck— Keep this up and I might just let this happen again.” He said through a breath, making your stomach flutter at the thought. 

He continued using your mouth practically as a fleshlight, ignoring your gagging and muffled sounds, focusing solely on his orgasm. After what felt like minutes but was probably just seconds, you felt your body start to try and pull away from the brutal attack on your throat. Even though your mind didn’t want you to, your body was panicking. His moans grew louder and you begged your body to endure just a little longer, needing him to come down your throat. 

“Stop fucking fighting it, bitch. You wanted this, so take it.” He growled, moving you faster and pushing you down harder. Your eyes burned with tears and it wasn’t long before they started falling, making him even more frenzied and desperate. His hips were bucking into you now as he forced your head up and down his cock, barely pulling you back more than halfway. 

After only a few more thrusts, he forced you all the way down with a low groan, using both hands to keep you there with your nose buried in his pelvis. His hips would occasionally buck into you as he rode out his orgasm. You moaned at the feeling of his come hitting your throat, but wished you could taste him too. Once his cock stopped twitching and his sounds died down, he finally loosened his grip enough to let you pull back and you coughed almost violently as he panted. 

“Satisfied?” He asked through a breath, looking down at you. 

“For now.” You smirked, but batted your eyes at him innocently. He released your hair and you frowned, but didn’t protest any further. 

“Clean it.” He ordered and you eagerly dove back in to lick at his softening cock. You were more just enjoying tasting him rather than cleaning up all of your spit… which he seemed to notice. “I said, clean it.” You looked up at him, but when you were met with a warning glare, you just huffed and did as he said, licking his cock and balls to clean him as much as possible. “Put it back now.” Despite the fact that you wanted nothing more than to do the opposite, you tucked his softening cock back in his pants and fastened them before buckling his belt. 

“Good.” Your heart practically stopped at the sudden praise. “Sit back down.” You frowned, but obeyed, waiting for the next command. “Trust that if you touch yourself before our next session, I will know, and I will have someone else take over as your psychiatrist. Do you understand?” Your frown deepened as a needy whine left you and he raised his brows in response, challenging you, making you huff. 

“Yes..” You muttered, looking at the table as you slouched in your chair, sulking. The next few days are going to be absolute torture. 

Taglist (join here)

@pedrisgatorade @lunyyx @cillianscrybaby @vivvive @faebirdie @ceruleanrainblues @mrkdvidal1989 @brooklynscherry-z @ohmysatansstuff @d1lf-loverthinqs @butlersluvbot @mandowhatnow @baekhyunstruly @bluujaiwrites (didn’t let me tag ->) @miyababby @n1ghtw1ngslver @idkdudsworld

[bountydroid]

Darlin' pt 5

pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3 / pt 4 / pt6

Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x f!reader (Slowburn romance)

Description: Cooper starts to soften up.

Notes: This one is a bit longer! I might be a little slower between parts from now on as it is finals season and I'll be graduating with my bachelor's degree (yay!) plus I work full time. As always, any critiques are welcome!

The air between us after the hug attempt was thick with tension. We walked in silence as we made our way into the wasteland, clear tracks in the sand making the target easy to follow. I was sure that the look on my face was pathetic, like a kicked puppy. I tried to hide my hurt at first, but it didn't seem like he cared much since he had hardly even glanced at me since we left Ma June's shop anyway. At least I had Whilzig's dog. I knew he was just there to help us track his master, but his presence felt comforting. Without him, I think the tension between Cooper and I would be too much to handle. 

I glanced over at the ghoul every so often. I was hoping I would catch him glancing back, a sign that he did in fact, give a damn about me. I felt deflated. Any hope I had about his feelings for me had vanished. 

I let a quiet sigh escape my lips as I looked down at my feet. 

This seemed to get his attention as he stopped in his tracks and whipped around to face me. "Stop it." He said sternly, a look of annoyance on his face.

I was sure that my face did little to hide the horror I felt at his reaction. "I am just tired." I tried to lie.

"Sure." He said back, crossing his arms. He clearly knew I was lying.

I felt anger prickle up inside me. "Why are you looking at me like I did something wrong? I didn't." I exclaimed. "I hugged my friend. At least I thought I did."

He didn't respond to this, instead opting to look out into the never-ending sand.

"Let's just keep going," I mumbled as I stomped past him.

Growing up I loved the sun. I loved to feel its warm rays on my skin as it shined through the window. Now? Now I hated it. We had barely been in the Wasteland that long, and I already felt like the heat was suffocating me. It didn't seem to bother Cooper though. He showed no sign of tiring or discomfort. "One of the perks of being a ghoul I guess." I thought to myself bitterly.

After what felt like ages, our furry companion barked and started running towards a large piece of metal. Cooper and I exchanged looks before picking up our pace to catch up to him. 

"What the hell?" I mumbled as I pinched my nose and looked away from the headless body.

Cooper crouched down next to Whilzig, a look of mild confusion on his face before looking out into the wasteland. One of his coughing fits started as he took his pack off of his shoulder and put it on the ground, rummaging through it. He found what he was looking for quickly, a metal tin with a couple of vials of Jet inside. Despite being angry with him, I looked down at him, concern evident on my face. Almost like he could sense it, he looked up at me as he put the vial into his inhaler. His eyes closed and a look of relief washed over his face as he breathed it in. He let out one more soft wheeze as he collected himself. 

"Cooper?" I asked softly. 

"Yeah, Darlin'?" He replied while getting up from the ground.

"I'm sorry." I started. "I am sorry for huggin' you. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

His eyes bore into me while he contemplated his response. "You're okay Darlin'." He said quietly. "I am just an ill-tempered old man."

I let out a small giggle. "I would've said cranky, but ill-tempered is a nicer way to put it."

He let out a loud bark of a laugh in response. "Come on let's go find the rest of im'." He said as he patted my shoulder.

As we started to walk away from the body, Cooper let out a clicking noise, getting the dog's attention. The dog barked in response as he chased after us.

"How old are you anyway?" I ask curiously.

He hummed in response, "Old."

I decided not to press it further, his short response suggesting it wasn't something he wanted to discuss. This time, our silent march was much more pleasant. The tension from earlier was gone. I was exceeding grateful for this change. As the sun started to set, I felt relieved. The heat didn't feel quite as terrible as the sun started to fade behind the horizon.

"Good a spot as any," Cooper said as he peaked inside a half-crumbled building. 

I sighed in relief. "God my feet are killing me. I think I've done more walkin' with you than I have in my entire life."

He let out a breathy laugh, "And you are gonna do a lot more, sugar."

It didn't take long for me to fall asleep in the sand curled up next to Whilzig's dog.

-

I slowly peeled my eyes open as I felt someone gently shaking me. My bleary eyes peered up to see the face of my traveling companion.

"Mornin' Darlin'." He smirked at my dazed and exhausted face. "Sleep well?"

I just grumbled in response. I slowly raised to my feet, wincing as the pressure on them began to build. I felt his eyes on me as he raised his bag to his shoulder. I sighed as I reached down to pick up my bag as well. 

"When we get this bounty, I am gonna sleep for a week." I say with a soft groan.

"Gimme that." He said as he ripped my bag from my hands and threw it over his empty shoulder. He chuckled at the surprised look on my face. "Can't have your pretty ass slowin' me down."

I stood there for a moment and replayed our exchange in my head before finally running after him. "He keeps calling me pretty." I think to myself while a blush creeps over my cheeks.

"You know," I started, feeling bold. "I think we are a great team."

He glanced over at me, an amused look on his face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." I hummed happily. "I am really glad I met you." 

An unrecognizable look washed over his face. Hesitation? Confusion? Fear? It looked like all of those emotions, all at once.

I gave him a weary smile, "Even if you won't let me hug you." I admit.

He hesitated, almost looking like he was going to say something before he stopped himself. 

"Hey, Dog Meat!" He yelled up at the dog, "Don't go far."

"Dog Meat?" I mused, "Really?"

"That's what he is, ain't he?" he replied, smirking.

I knew he was trying to change the subject. He was uncomfortable again. So, I decided to let him as I let out a small giggle. "Sure, Cooper."

We continued along, getting closer and closer to the derelict city. The silence was only interrupted by the occasional bark from Dog Meat. We happened upon an oasis, the water inviting, almost trying to trick me into taking a dip. I knew better than that. We could hear a commotion in front of us as we started to slow down, quieting our footsteps. Cooper turned to me and put a finger to his lips, silently shushing me. Someone else was there. The bounty?

 No, it was the vaultie. I stayed behind as Cooper snuck up behind her. She only noticed his presence once she heard the cock of his gun.

"Hello again." She said, her eyes filled with fear.

He greeted her by hitting her over the head with the butt of his gun. I grimaced as she fell to the ground. 

"Where is it?" He snarled. "The head."

She whimpered on the ground quietly while Cooper picked up her bag and emptied the contents into the dirt.

Cooper got angry as he realized the head wasn't there. He cocked his gun again, ready to shoot her. 

"Okay, okay, I don't know where it is. Okay? I lost it." The vaultie begged. "I lost it."

Cooper let out a soft hum as he looked around, it seemed like he already knew what he was looking for when he put his boot in a pile of dung. I made a disgusted face.

"Did you seriously have to do that?" I mumbled. This brought the vaultie's attention to me. She was so caught up in her fear of Cooper she didn't even realize I was there.

"A gulper got it, huh?" He said as he turned back to the vaultie before grabbing her by the hair. 

She cried as she begged for mercy as he dragged her to the dock. Once there, he tied a rope with an anchor on the end around her body as well as bound her feet. I just watched from afar, feeling slightly bad for the girl. Dog Meat was barking so loudly I could hardly hear them.

"Stop! Please!" She begged as she wiggled, trying to break free. "My dad, he's an overseer. He got taken by Raiders and I need that head to get him back. If you help me find him, he'll do whatever you want!"

Instead of responding, Cooper just pushed her into the water. The rope she was bound with was connected to a piece of metal I did not recognize, but it kept her from sinking to the bottom. She splashed around as she panicked. 

"Stop! Stop! Torture is wrong!" She cried out when he brought her back up out of the water.

Cooper let out a scoff. "You know, they used to do these things called studies. Why, you couldn't open a newspaper without reading about one study or another. Anyways, one particular study came out and it said torturing a person, don't do shit." He replied as he dropped her back into the water briefly before bringing her up again. "It made sense. I mean a man hurts me? I wouldn't want to do him any favors. And yet the practice of torture failed to vanish from this earth. In fact, as time marches on, I've personally noticed a decided uptick in the amount of torture being doled out across the board." He continued as he picked off a small creature from her back and fed it to Dog Meat.

"Sir, please. I need the head. It's the only way I can get my father back." The vaultie begged again. I admired her spirit. I debated asking Cooper to stop, but I bit my tongue instead.

"My point is," Cooper replied, ignoring her pleas. "If you ask me, them studies, they were right. Torturing a person don't do shit."

"Then why are you doing this?" She asked, exasperated. 

"Well, I ain't torturing you, sweetheart. I'm using you as bait." He explained before dunking her in the water again. I hated to admit it, but I felt a tiny bit of jealousy in my chest at the nickname. I knew I shouldn't be jealous, he obviously held little love for her.

Cooper started to whistle as he got closer to the edge of the dock like he was beckoning something near. It was at this point that I realized I had been slowly inching closer to them this whole time as my feet finally met the dock.

"What is a gulper?" I asked Cooper curiously.

"A monster, darlin'. Careful." He said, realizing how close I was getting to the water. He grabbed his knife off the wooden box he put it on earlier and tied a rope around it. He clearly had a plan.

The vaultie started crying out in the water and flailing around even more than usual. This caused Cooper to try and lift her out of the water again, but the machine he was using was stuck. 

"Cooper!" I cried out, realizing she was going to drown.

He sprang into action as he grabbed a hook, moving the entire machine to pull her out. As she was pulled onto the dock, a giant pink creature followed her. He was right. That was a monster. I ran up to the vaultie and grabbed her shoulders as I tried to pull her away, but the anchor tied around her was stuck in the gulper's mouth. She kicked at the creature violently as Cooper stuck it with his knife. The gulper got ahold of her leg and swung her around, pushing me into the water. I thrashed around as I tried to find something to hold onto. 

"Cooper!" I yelled before I finally was able to grasp ahold of the dock. I could hear the tussle above me and the gulper finally cry out and fall back into the water. 

I could hear Cooper gasping for air as he crawled over to me. "Give me your hand, sugar."

I quickly did as I was told. He pulled me out of the water and onto the dock with ease. He got up and looked out into the water, wincing as he realized the head was gone once again.

"Cooper," I said softly. "Your bag."

He moved swiftly, going straight for his tin of Jet. At the realization that it was completely crushed he pointed his gun back at the vaultie.

"Motherfucker!" He shouted angrily.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should've just let you use me as bait in a poison river!" The vaultie yelled back.

Cooper lowered his gun before turning back around to the water. "Fuck!" He screamed.

I finally stood up and waddled my way over to him. My clothes were soaked, uncomfortably sticking to my skin. This caught his attention, he put his hand on my cheek as he briefly scanned my body, looking for injuries. "I am fine." I hummed, my heart squeezing in my chest at his show of affection. It wasn't much, but it showed how much he cared.

"You can't treat people like this!" The vaultie interrupted.

"Yeah, why's that?" Cooper asked, his mind obviously elsewhere. 

"Because of the golden rule." She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

I gave her an amused look as I let out a small laugh. "The golden rule, huh? I don't think he follows that."

"Those gulpers digest real slow. You got time." Cooper said to himself.

I put the hand on his shoulder reassuringly, pulling him from his thoughts. He looked at me for a second before hurrying over to pick up our bags. "We gotta go." He pulled out his lasso and made his way to the vaultie.

"No. no, no, no, no." She begged as he put it around her neck. "Where are we going? What about the head? I need the head to get my dad back."

"Yeah, well, the wasteland's got its own golden rule," Cooper replied, dragging her along.

"Yeah, what's that?" She asked.

"Thou shalt get sidetracked by bullshit every goddamn time." Cooper sighed.

"What about the dog?" I asked, scurrying after him.

"He ain't ours." He responded curtly.

I frowned at him. I had gotten attached to Dog Meat, but the determined expression on Cooper's face kept me quiet. Wherever we were going, it was important.

Tag list: @msrawog @valdemarismynonbinarylove @topiramateagreeable @whizbang-cap @sitkafay @lightan117 @eykismyfav @ajeff855 @madelinealexandra @justme12200 @sihlaryn @raviolisenpai @ellabellabunny123 @impossessedbyjeongyeon @leviathanleva @v3lv3tf0x @judgementdays-girl

[i-am-hungry-24-7]

I've just re-read my previous requested fic for tf 141 x reader with high pain tolerance, and I think we could extend this prompt (and as always you can take it or leave it, no pressure a yea 👍🏻)

What if TF 141 almost lost F!Reader again, this time she got caught by enemies and got tortured for crucial/classified information. While being tortured, you can't help but feel a little grateful that you have such an extreme pain tolerance. You finally managed to get out that place by your own (and of course after unaliving your enemies) and got back to your team. Men are worried as hell cause 1) you look like shit, like someone has just crawled out of hell (which in your part it isn't wrong), 2) the fact that you have extreme pain tolerance just make it worse

And when you finally got evaluated by medics, including clothes off, that's when they knew you'd have it worse than what they've imagined. Black-ish bruises almost every where, broken bones, dislocated joints, dried blood etc. It's heartbreaking seeing you like this. Probably some will have self blaming, guilty, rage, and other mixed emotions. Hmm imagine the heavy angst but also the massive comfort after that.

Thankskie 🦈

Summary: high pain tolerance F!Reader get tortured, after you getting rescued, enjoy the FLUFF between you and TF141

cw: very slight gore (interrogation), canon swearing, canon violence

blahaj, FLUFF, TF141*F!Reader

last req about high pain tolerance F!Reader

Oh, This isn’t great. You probably going to die this time.

You licked your chapped lips, the bitterness of iron is obnoxious, making you regret the motion and go back to try to piece together your memories again.

You counted the time when you first got caught, but after endless rounds of interrogations, your mind is too hazy to keep up the measurement.

With your hands bounding tightly on your back, chains and steel bars preventing your legs from moving, all you can do is just prey for your teammates to come.

At least you aren’t afraid, no fear of death, nor fear of pain. It’s always these moments that you feel grateful for having almost no feelings of pain, it makes you keep composed and adamant.

Well, starving kind of sucks though, you guess you’ll even devour those vegetables you hated and shoved into Kyle’s plate if it’s presented to you.

Your mind wanders, from your pudding hiding in the deepest part of the fridge in case someone (Soap) eats it, to how Price will scold your ears off for being too reckless when you’re back, until the footsteps outside the door remind you to concentrate.

Damn, you need to get out alive if you want to listen to your dear Captain recite the rules.

The door creaks open with the broad man stepping in and his dogs tailing after with weapons.

The cool water gets splashed on your face when the man stands still in front of you.

“New toy, yeah?” you spot the machete in the man’s grip

“Glad to see you awake, sergeant?” The man laughs “Seems like the mouth still works pretty well, I hope your mind is clear too so we can cooperate perfectly today.”

“Sober enough to tell you ‘no’, I guess”

Red pours from your shoulder the second after your taunt, and you frown slightly at the little sting.

“Fucking bitch still has a sharp tongue after these wounds...” He eyes down at you with a bit of disbelief.

Even though you can’t see yourself, you know you look like shit either. Burnings from the lighters, slash wounds from various tactical knives, dark bruises forming on your thigh and other parts after countless punches and kicks.

All you need to do is buy time, but even if you barely feel pain, you still will die from blood loss if this keeps going.

The rest of the interrogation is just adding more injuries to your broken body, and your consciousness starts fading.

You really want to take a nap... but will you wake up again? you’re not sure especially when another smash lands on the back of your head.

Just about minutes before you sure will pass out again, you hear the noise. Gunfire, yelling, screaming of a massacre.

They arrived...

“Go check what’s wrong.” The broad man gestures, and one of his subordinates walks out to

“Guess your saviors have come... now” You look straight into the man ’s eyes when he puts the muzzle between your eyes. “No time for playing, one last time, tell me the people gave you the intel.”

The chaos outside is getting louder and closer. Buy time, you tell yourself again, so you whisper

“Okay... Okay... I will tell you, please don’t kill me, please...” You sniff, and start sobbing while your head stays lowered.

“Finally giving up, huh? Tell me, I need their name, who do they belong.” The smirk on the man’s face gets wider, god, you really want to punch his face.

“It’s...” You murmur, and the man leans closer to hear clearly.

“It’s go fuck yourself, you bloody bastard.” You spit the blood on his face and grin like a maniac.

and the door swings open, the gunshot splatters the man’s blood on your face, but you don’t care.

You win.

“Hey, guys, long time no see.” You smile at your teammates after the man collapses beside you.

“You’re fine now, don’t worry, we got you.” Soap rushes to your side “Price is calling the exfil, Ghost and Gaz are outside making sure everything’s clear.”

“Thanks...” You melt into Soap’s arm when he unties the rope and carries you.

“I tell the bastard to go fuck himself, hehe.”

“Stop talking, bonnie, ye need to rest.”

“Did I do great?”

“Yes.” The gravel voice of Soap’s becomes softer as he answers.

“May I rest now?” you blink slowly.

“Of course, lassie.”

Getting the confirmation, The warmth radiating from Soap is too soothing, you want to tell him how much you miss them, but those words are unable to come out as you get dragged into a coma instantly.

“damn...”

Your eyelids flutter open, the familiar white ceiling is the first thing you see.

“Morning, bonnie, how do ye feel?”

“dizzy as fuck.”

“pain?”

“Nah.”

“Sometimes I think you’re not human...” Soap laughs, but he’s worried, or worried can’t describe his mood when he saw your wounds as you were sent into the infirmary.

That day when they back to base, all of them followed you, and didn’t pay any mind about getting their gears off first.

You looked like someone who just found her way out of hell, beautiful face swollen, large bruises spread across your skin like some nasty paintings, and the situation was worse than they expected after the medics cut your clothes off and started their evaluation.

Soap couldn’t forget the rage swallowing him like flames when he saw what you went through in those days, the more wounds they spotted, the more tension in the air became more insufferable.

Gaz and he cursed when they saw the huge burn on your back, skin obviously inflamed, and when the deep cuts that exposed the bones revealed from the cover, he noticed Ghost clenching his fist to suppress anger.

Price stormed out of the infirmary and called Laswell between the medics surmising how many of your bones were broken.

“Wait...” your voice pulls Soap back to reality “blahaj! 4 blahaj! Where do they come from?”

“Price gave them to you, as rewards for your hard work. He said you keep rambling about wanting to have one.”

“awwww” Soap grins as he watches you struggle to hug all of them at one time.

“There ya go.” He helps adjust the plushies so you can get them all in your arms.

“Oh yeah, where’s others?”

“Price’s on op, will be back in a week. Ghost and Gaz will visit you soon.”

“Hmmmm.”

You caress one of the blahaj’s head and turn your face

“Thank you.” you grin “For coming to save me.”

“What are you talking about?” Covering his hand on yours, he looks into your eyes, without those playful glints in his azure ones.

“We’re a team, or more than a team. Ye think we will throw ye there and do nothing?”

The seriousness on his face infatuates you, you meet his gaze without darting, and finally, break into tender giggles.

“yeah, sorry, you’re right.” You chuckle “You know what? In that basement, All I wanted was to get out of there and come back to eat my pudding.”

“Pudding?”

“Yeah, I have one in the fridge.” nodding in excitement, you continue “I should ask the doctor if I can eat it.”

“Wait that’s yours?!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Ehhh...” Soap’s smile freezes on his face under panic “I ate it.”

“...”

Soap MacTavish gets kicked out of the room with a new mission: buy 10 puddings.

When Gaz knocks on the door and steps into your ward, you are staring out the window, but turn to him immediately when you hear his arrival.

“Hey, Kyle.” You wave with your better hand.

“Feel better?” The sugar-coated smile he has always provides you with energy, your mood lights up as he takes the seat beside your bed.

“mmhmm, not that dizzy anymore.”

“loves those sharks very much?” He points at the blahajs you squeeze close to you.

“Damn, they’re my new babies now.” You show Gaz each of them.

“This is Pricey, this is Ghostie, this is Gazzy, and this is Soapy.” Proudly introducing them to Gaz, you give the sharkies a few pats.

“Such Innovative names, hm?”

“I don’t think Gaz is some special name too, Kyle.”

You both giggle at the stupid names you granted to the sharks, while Gaz lands his eyes on your arm hanging mid-air, his laughter gradually comes to a halt.

“Hey.” He watches you raise an eyebrow when he calls you “Sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Just...” His eyes stay on your bruises, traveling along them, and he hates that they lead his gaze to roam your whole figure. “We should be there faster.”

His brown eyes are full of distress when they meet yours again.

“Garrick, come closer.” You beckons, and he follows suit.

“Don’t apologize. When I saw all of you on that goddamn chair, I knew I was safe now.” You cradle his cheek in your palm “You guys are my shelter, my home, and I never thought the chance that my team wouldn’t save me, Soap said it yesterday, and I’m sure you’re the same, yes?”

“Of course.” His eyes soften, and you return him a reassuring smile when

“Time for you to go train the rookies, right?” Shooting a glimpse at the clock, you ask.

“yeah, time to deal with those troubles.” He stands up from the chair and looks down at you “See you, lovie.”

“see ya.”

You watch him walk towards the door, but stop after a few steps.

“Why does Soapy have a huge dent on his head?”

“Oh.” You pout “He ate my pudding, so I punched his shark since I can’t spar with him now.” another punch hit Soapy when you finish speaking.

“Wow...”

Gaz mourns for his brother’s future with his whole heart.

“Still awake?” The gruff yet gentle voice floats into your ear the moment the door slides open.

“Been sleeping the whole day, LT.”

Ghost watches you shift, and lies on your side to face him.

“How’s the day, Ghost?”

“Shit as usual.”

“How about seeing me, feel better?”

“Feels worse.”

“Hey, honesty is a virtue but not here.”

He scoffs at your retort as he observes your face.

“The bruises on your face look smaller.” Ghost indicates.

“Oh yeah, my face! How does it look like?” You point at the hand mirror Gaz brings you, and after Ghost hands it to you, you open the lid.

“Jesus Christ!” you shout when the reflection shows you how shit you look like “I’m so ugly right now!”

“We all know.”

“Damn, if there’s an award for honesty, you will be the winner, Simon.” You throw the mirror back into his grip.

“Will you congratulate me?”

“I will give you an ‘I’m a winner’ sticker for you to paste on your mask.”

He chuckles at your banter, but you can sense his exhaustion, from his limp body to his half-lid eyes.

“You’re tired, Simon. Go back to rest.” You coo softly.

“I’m not leaving until you sleep.”

“but I’m not that sleepy now.”

“Should I sing you a lullaby, sergeant?”

“I’m afraid that my ears don’t have the honor the hear your beautiful singing, Sir.” you feign an ‘oh hell no’ face to him, but your eyes light up when an idea comes to mind.

“Hey, how about you lie on my bed? it can fit 2 people.”

“I don’t know you’re such an active woman.”

“Fuck you, Simon. If you want me to fall asleep then get on the bed right now!”

Sighs in compromise, Ghost rises from the chair and sits on the edge of your bed with a grunt, and you scoot inward to leave him more space to lie down.

“You’re like a bear, Ghost, I’m gonna squash into a pie by you and the blahajs!”

“Then throw those bloody sharks on the floor.”

“No! they’re Tf141 blahaj!” You pet the one in your arms when Ghost gives you a confused face. “This is you, Ghost.”

“The real Ghost is beside you and you choose him over a fake one?”

“I don’t know you’re that active, lieutenant.”

You smirk at him, he’s only wearing a balaclava, so you’re able to see the corner of his eyes crinkle at your words.

But Ghost must have some magic, you grow sleepier under his presence, maybe it’s his steady breath sounds like a lullaby, or it’s because safety he always generously offers to you.

“Sleepy now?” He speaks slowly and quietly as if he’s fear of scaring your sleepiness away.

“a bit...” A big yawn answers the question better than your slurry voice.

“Close your eyes then.”

“mmm.”

You secure the Ghostie blahaj in a tight embrace as you follow Ghost’s command.

you feel light pats on your non-injured part, and you scoot closer to the bulky man, letting him lead you into a peaceful sleep.

Ghost watches you fall asleep, and he moves off the bed as gently as he can.

“Sweet dreams.” He chants in a low voice, and he takes other sharks in his hand, placing them closer to you.

Making sure the sharks are cuddling you, he leaves like a ghost in the serene silence.

You look down at yourself, ankles tied to the chair, blood dripping from the knife that’s barely in your sight.

Aren’t you already out of that basement...?

Is it all a dream? In reality, you’re still getting interrogated?

You try to fixate on the noise outside the door, but you feel the cold metal touching your forehead.

Am I never going to see them again? I want to see them again...

I want to hear Price’s praises, want to hear Soap and Gaz fighting over the last biscuit, want to hear Ghost’s annoyed voices at my frolic.

Tears gather in your eyes when you hear the click from turning off the safety of the gun.

“... geant...sergeant... sergeant.”

“Ahh!” You let out a yell as you snap your eyes open, which are wide with horror.

“Cap-Captain...” You pant whilst you recognize the person pulling you from your nightmare.

“Yes, it’s me, love. You’re safe now, you’re in the base, infirmary, remember?” He caresses your hair to calm you down.

Oh, yes, you aren’t in that basement. You’re back.

You’re with the people you love.

“Why are you here, Captain?” after you breathe steadily again, you notice it’s 1 am, and the aisle outside is silent.

“Just came back from the op, and want to see you.”

“You should have some rest, Price.”

“You mean I leave now even when you just woke up from a nightmare?” He crooks his eyebrows.

“Well...”

“Be selfish, love. I will stay here.”

“You don’t blame me for being too stupid and getting caught by the enemy?”

“Things went south sometimes.” He shakes his head “It’s not your fault.”

“...”

“Say it, luv.” He encourages you when you hesitate.

“I...” “I thought I was not afraid of anything... at least in that basement, pain’s not a big deal for me, starvation is bearable, and death... if that means I won’t lose to those dorks, then it’s nothing to me.”

Price gives you a grunt as acknowledgement, so you continue.

“but... I think I’m still afraid of dying...” You fidget your fingers “I want to see all of you again... I want to come back to you.”

“I don’t want to die...”

You haven’t noticed tears staining your cheeks until Price’s finger — calloused yet warm — wipes the tears away.

“We all know you’re brave, kid.” Price cups your face, hand barely touches your skin, must be avoiding trigger your pain, but you don’t care, nor you can feel the pain, you shove your cheek in it and earn a chuckle from the man.

“Your high pain tolerance makes you look forward to your target without worrying yourself, but keep in mind.”

“Don’t make us worry, you need to come back to us, we can’t lose you, just like you can lose us. Understood?”

“Yes, Capt.”

“You want to go back to sleep?”

“If you tell me a bedtime story, then I will.” the mischievous grin returns to your face.

“Greedy, eh? I thought those sharks could satisfy you.”

“I want your bedtime story too.”

“How about I tell you a story about how to become an attentive soldier?”

“Fuck you, Captain.”

You hit Price with the plushie, which he catches easily, and put it on his lap, letting you give the shark little punches to drain your excessive energy, as he starts telling what happened when he met Soap the first time.

You aren’t afraid of pain, and you become an undaunted person on the battlefield. Yet still, you now keep in mind that there are people who love you, and are worried about you.

You all are a team, a home, and a haven for each other, always by each other’s side, or waiting for others to return safely.

and it’s really nice to be able to come back home.

a/n: thanks for reading! and thank you sharkie for the request, I hope you will like it (or not too disappointed) !! :D

Have a nice day/night, everyone!

[dazed-and-confused23]

May I ask for another small fic thing? Specifically with Dusty the Deathclaw thinking of himself as Reader’s baby, mentally and physically. As in, he’ll want to cuddle up to them even when they can no longer sprawl across their lap like they used to cause he’s freaking MASSIVE. So either Cooper or Hancock find the Reader squished under Dusty, who’s just lying there content😂 Meanwhile the reader is asking them for help as they have to use the bathroom and lost feeling in their legs🤣

brought to you by these images

Dear Hearts and Gentle People 15

Art is by @endivinity

Masterlist

The older Dusty got, the bigger he grew, but that didn't mean that his mentally grew with him. He still considered you to be his human, his mother in all accounts but species. As a baby, you would cuddle him close in your lap, petting his growing horns and scratching his itchy chin. You were everything to the deathclaw. So it only made sense to him that he could continue to cuddle his mother still, even if he stood at a whopping ten foot tall, eleven if you counted his curved horns.

You sit on the pavement outside of Boston, enjoying the meager sunlight that shines through the thick, overcast sky. Dusty has his head in your lap, a rumbling purr echoing in the air from the beast as he shifts forward. The blunt curve of his horns presses into your chest, and you fall back with a grunt. Dusty takes his opportunity to shift even more of his weight on top of his mother, his purr so loud that it makes your ears ring.

"D-Dusty, please," you croak under the deathclaw. You had already needed to pee, and his weight made the situation a thousand times worse.

Cooper, who had wondered off to explore the nearby buildings, ambled back up the road, a whistle on his lips as he kicked a rock up the hill. When he gets to the top, he glances around, expecting to see you where he'd left you last. The ghoul frowned and glared down at Dusty, who looked far too innocent for his own good.

"Where'd she go?" Cooper demands, and Dusty just rumbles deep in his throat. He takes in the situation, and a slow smirk works its way onto his lips when he spots your shoes sticking out just under the beast.

Dusty watches Cooper waltz around him and then stares down at his mother from where she lays under him. A low whuffing sound escapes him, and his nose flairs. He wasn't about to move for him.

"Looks like you've got yourself in a pickle there, chief," Cooper drawls, and you glare up at the Ghoul. You grunt as you shove at Dusty, but the creature just whines and shifts so that he covers you even more, upset that you were trying to leave him.

"Nah, I'm fine," you sneer and collapse with a defeated huff, "I love having seven hundred pounds of muscle crush me."

"Guess you don't need my help then, huh?" Cooper quips and goes to walk away, his spurs jingling, only to stop when you call his name, tone pitiful and he turns around to see you giving him puppy dog eyes.

"Coop, please get him off of me?" You plead, "I've gotta pee, and my feet are asleep."

The ghoul gives you a once over and then looks at Dusty and just how comfortable the beast looks. The deathclaw coos down at you, and you grimace when a long tongue licks up the side of your face. You catch Cooper's grin and glare even harder, "Don't you dare."

"I think ol' Dusty is too comfortable for me to try and move him, Sweetheart," Coop snickers and turns on his heel again. You'd be just fine without him. Not a soul would touch you with Dusty there.

"I'll come back later to get ya, baby."

Cooper lopes away with the sound of a happy deathclaw and an outraged smoothskin echoing in his ears. Today'd been a good day.

*sorry it's a little short @odditycircus-2002, but I hope you liked it! ❤️

[cyberneticfallout]

Chapter One: Filly

Ch 1 - Ch 2 - Ch 3 - Ch 4 - Ch 5 - Ch 6 - Ch 7 - Ch 8 - Ch 9 - Ch 10 - More Coming Soon

Pairing: Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x Fem!Reader Summary: You, a seasoned bounty hunter, team up with a gruff ghoul to capture a high-value target. Tags: Slow burn (and I mean SLOWWW), angst, eventual smut, language, canon-typical violence, more tags will be added Posted on AO3: Smoothie and The Ghoul Word Count: 1.2k

Bounty hunting is no walk in the park, but the rewards make it worthwhile. Your body aches as you trudge through the settlement known as Filly. Pushy vendors eagerly try to sell you their wares, with one particularly persistent one urging you to spend your hard-earned caps on dog meat. Politely declining their offers, you navigate your way through the bustling street towards the more reputable shops and services.

Having visited Filly a few times before, you recognize familiar faces among the locals. You exchange a silent greeting with the local repair girl and spot Ma June preparing to open her shop for the day, making a mental note to stop by later. As you approach a semi-functional Nuka Cola machine, you catch sight of a man seated in a chair. He's dressed like an outlaw from the Wild West, giving off an air of danger. His gaze locks with yours as you pass by.

A ghoul.

You've had mostly positive experiences with ghouls in the wasteland, but this one seems different. There's something about him that sets off alarm bells in your head. Feeling bold, you approach him after grabbing an unbearably warm Nuka Cola.

"Hey," you stand in front of him and take a sip. "I don't personally have a problem with ghouls, but the folk around here aren't too fond of them."

Smirking, he looks up at you, his sunken eyes and lack of nose more pronounced in the sunlight. Most people find ghouls unsettling, but you've grown accustomed to their appearance after years of interacting with them.

"That may be true," he drawls. "but I ain't here to make friends."

You offer him a sip of your drink, he stares at you in confusion. Taking it as a rejection, you finish the rest and toss the bottle aside.

"You look like you're either playing cowboy or you're a bounty hunter," you remark.

"What's your guess?" he snarls.

Leaning towards him, you place your hands on the arms of his chair. "I'm guessing you're here looking for a specific doctor."

"You're pretty bold for getting so close to a ghoul, smoothskin."

"And you're pretty bold for assuming I've never been closer." A small smile creeps onto your face as he looks at you curiously.

"I'm sure our paths will cross again. Until then..." Stepping back, you give him a casual salute and walk away.

The presence of the ghoul gives you the feeling that shit is about to go down so you decide to hang around on the outskirts of Filly. Leaning against a tree just outside the bustling street of vendors, you can hear the sound of raised voices and the unmistakable echoes of gunfire coming from the center of town.

"Called it," you mutter under your breath. There's no need to dive headfirst into the chaos when you can simply wait it out and observe the aftermath. Given the hefty reward on the line for this particular doctor, it's unlikely that he'll be an easy target. If he's anything like the other high-value bounties you've pursued in the past, he'll find a way to slip away, and you'll have to track him down.

Inhaling deeply, you take a moment to assess your surroundings, ensuring that your rifle and pistol are in proper working order. As you inspect your weapons, the air is suddenly filled with distorted screams, "No, no, no!" Looking up, you witness a spectacle that catches you off guard. A suit of Power Armor is soaring uncontrollably through the sky above you. Could it be the Brotherhood of Steel? This bounty just keeps getting crazier.

The Power Armor veers off in the opposite direction, leaving you to wonder what in the wasteland is going on. With the chaotic gunfight seemingly subsiding, you make your way back towards the town center. It appears that the flying garbage can and ghoul have caused quite the commotion, scattering the combatants and bringing an end to the firefight.

As you draw closer to the scene, the absurdity of the situation becomes even more apparent. Bodies, torn apart and scattered haphazardly, litter the ground. The locals, seizing the opportunity, have already begun looting them. You catch sight of the ghoul making his way towards a path that leads out of town. Without a moment's hesitation, you decide to follow him.

Quickening your pace, you navigate through the debris and bodies, doing your best to avoid the looters who pay you no mind. The ghoul moves quickly with a dog by his side, his sunken eyes focused on his route to the wastes.

As you approach the outskirts of town, the ghoul glances back, acknowledging your pursuit. Letting out an annoyed sigh, he comes to a halt and turns to face you.

"I ain't accepting companions," he declares, a note of irritation in his voice.

"That's too bad," you reply with a smirk, coming to a stop in front of him. Your attention is drawn to the dog standing beside him, looking up at you with a wagging tail. A warm feeling washes over you - you've always had a soft spot for dogs.

Kneeling down, you scratch behind the dog's ears and ask, "What's her name?"

"I don't fuckin' know," the ghoul snaps back.

You raise an eyebrow, a mixture of amusement and confusion on your face. "Did you hit your head back there? How do you not know your dog's name?"

The ghoul rolls his eyes slightly, clearly exasperated. "She ain't my dog. She was with the doctor. Along with some vault dweller."

A surge of curiosity courses through you at the mention of the doctor and the vault dweller. This situation just keeps getting more intriguing. You stand up, still keeping an eye on the ghoul.

“A vault dweller?”

He begins to draw his gun and points it at you, “Give me a reason not to shoot your ass. You’re startin’ to annoy me.”

“Calm down, beef jerky.” Taking a step back, you maintain a calm demeanor. “I think we can help each other out.”

The ghoul's grip on his gun tightens, but he hesitates, seemingly intrigued by your proposition. "I don't need help.”

“Oh but yes, you do.” You pull out a small vial filled with amber liquid, capturing his attention. “This dog will do a great job tracking its owner but I’ll do an even better job of making sure you don’t go feral. No offense but you seem pretty old - even for a ghoul.”

The ghoul's grip on his gun loosens, and he seems to consider your words. After a moment, he reluctantly lowers his weapon. "Fine," he grumbles. "But don't think I owe you anything."

You nod with a small smile, "Fair enough."

[angie-words]

Rivals Interview & Photoshoot

CW for mentions of sex, nudity

Highlights from the article (abridged! Full article by Caitlin Moran here):

Jilly Cooper’s raunchy Rivals: ‘You will see a lot of willies’

It’s taken 36 years, but finally Jilly Cooper’s legendary bonkbuster Rivals is on TV. Caitlin Moran — who was such a fan, she changed her name to one of the book’s characters — meets the author and stars on set and asks: how was it for you?

Guess where I am.

Oh my gosh — I am in RUTSHIRE.

If you own one of the multimillion copies sold of Jilly Cooper’s infamous Rutshire Chronicles books, you will a) be as excited as me, and b) know exactly where I am.

Yes, I am standing in front of a beautiful, honey-coloured mansion.

Yes, it is a beautiful summer’s day.

Yes, the herbaceous borders are magnificent.

Yes, there are adorable dogs milling around.

Yes, there are champagne bottles strewn hither and yon.

And yes, everyone is dressed in alternately fabulous, or ridiculous, Eighties outfits, with gigantic hair.

The ladies have electric-blue eyeshadow and golden, heaving bosoms.

The men, meanwhile, have tanned legs, huge Rolexes — and, in many instances, their gigantic hair manifests lower down: in moustaches like that of Tom Selleck.

And yes, of course, there is drama. David Tennant — wearing a lavish, gold, silken man-blouse and sucking on a cigar — is furious. He is savaging a roomful of party people, all looking stricken — and all, incongruously, wearing swimwear.

“How the f*** has this happened?” Tennant screams, as all the tits and legs fidget, gaudy piña coladas abandoned. “Get the f*** out there and sort this out! And why are you all wearing bikinis?”

Tennant storms from the room, apoplectic with rage — and then sees me.

“Oh, hello, darling,” he says, all sweetness and light.

“CUT!” the director calls.

Today, David Tennant isn’t, of course, David Tennant. He’s Tony Baddingham, the infamous, nominative-determinist baddie of Jilly Cooper’s Rivals.

“So, is this fun?” I ask him.

The last time I saw him on set, he was being the Doctor in Doctor Who, in a floor-length coat, trying to save the world from being exploded. Again. In the rain. In Wales. At 1am.

“Oh yes,” Tennant says. “I mean, look at my blouse. It’s like my aunt’s! Actually, I think it might be hers — it closes right to left. Don’t men’s buttons close left to right? Am I wearing,” he asks the room at large, “a woman’s blouse?”

“We need to go again, David,” the director says.

“Back in a tick,” Tennant says, running back on set, sucking on his cigar. Getting ready to be really evil, and Eighties, again.

-----

When it comes to the atmosphere on set, I later talk to David Tennant about this subject.

“Yes — there was a lot of due diligence about only having … joyful people on set. Crew and cast,” Tennant says, carefully.

(Dominic) Treadwell-Collins - executive producer - is more forthright.

“We had a very strict ‘no arseholes’ policy,” he says.

-----

Your mother was a Jilly Cooper fan? And, therefore, presumably … a Rupert Campbell-Black fan?

“My mum, you know … blushed when I told her [I’d got the role],” (Alex) Hassell admits. “A lot of women blushed when I told them.”

I’m interviewing Hassell, 44, and Tennant, 53, together. As a former Doctor, Tennant has, of course, a lot of experience in playing a role women find attractive.

“Once you’ve made [Rupert Campbell-Black] flesh, I think a lot of people are going to find it difficult to interact with you, Alex,” he says, helpfully.

It seems Hassell is aware of this.

“Yes,” he says. “One friend, when I told her, said, ‘Oh, that’s a bean-flicker role!’ I said, ‘Ah, I see.’ ”

“Huh. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone come up to me and say, ‘I’ve masturbated thinking about you,’ ” Tennant says, thoughtfully.

“David!” Hassell exclaims, hurt. “When we met, that’s the first thing I said.”

-----

“Tony’s from a lower class, while Rupert was born with an entire silver cutlery canteen in his mouth,” Tennant says. “So whatever Tony does, he never has that class advantage. Tony needs to taste the blood of his betters in his mouth to make him feel better. Rupert’s blood.”

“And while Rupert is, in many ways, a shit,” Hassell says, thoughtfully, “he’s not a bad man, like Tony. Tony is jealous of Rupert. He wants his house, his women, his life.”

Accordingly, this suit-based class war plays out as Campbell-Black tries to take over Baddingham’s TV station — and the backstabbing, shenanigans, shagging and skulduggery commence.

-----

The tennis court at Cooper’s house is the setting for one of her most iconic scenes — where Campbell-Black first meets his love interest, Taggie, while he’s playing naked tennis. He is adjudged to have lost a match point because something is over the line. Oh, why am I being so coy? This is Jilly Cooper. It’s his penis. His massive penis is judged to be over the line. A note to diehard fans: this scene is shot exactly as written. You will see a lot of willies.

“We’ve been equal opportunities in our nudity,” Treadwell-Collins says. “There’s a willy for every pair of tits.”

“That was my great disappointment over the TV show,” Cooper sighs. “The tennis court is a terrible mess — no one’s played on it for 20 years — and I thought [Disney] might be darlings and build me a new one.”

She looks around, hopefully.

“Do you think anyone here has some booze?” she asks. “It is the afternoon.”

Cooper has been an invaluable muse to everyone on set while filming. In one scene, she handed over an urgent note that read, “Rupert would never say ‘spouse’ — that’s very lower-middle [class]. He would say ‘wife’.”

She argued for particularly Cooperesque jokes and puns to stay in, and was firm that the whole “First of May” tradition remain.

“Oh, yes,” she says, looking delighted, and then quotes herself. “ ‘First of May, first of May — outdoor f***ing starts today. But if as usual it do rain, we f*** off indoors again.’ ”

This ribald rhyme kicks off a massive shagging montage, involving the entire cast. And all outdoors, of course.

-----

I can’t tell you what fun it is interviewing all the Rivals people. Because of the show, everyone talks about their memories of the Eighties (David Tennant: “No, my Eighties weren’t like a Jilly Cooper book — I was at school in Paisley with my glasses held together with sticky tape, and a very unappealing haircut”), and smoking (Hassell: “Everyone smoked everywhere, didn’t they? Even on planes. They’d draw across that little … health curtain, and everyone smoked behind it”), and how hard it was to leave Cooper’s world when shooting finished (Hassell: “No one was looking at me like I’m the most sexy man on the planet any more. It was tough.”)

-----

In the event, (Aidan) Turner, 41, is an absolute hoot — particularly on the subject of the massive moustache he sports on the show. It is a magnificent specimen of upper-lip pelt. It looks like a vole fell asleep under his nose.

It looks like the one Ned Flanders has on The Simpsons, I tell him.

Turner gives a huge, barking laugh.

“Ned Flanders? I mean, I was thinking more … Irish stag? Super-masculine?”

He starts giggling again.

Turner’s relaxed stance towards his sex god-dom comes with an interestingly meta twist. In Rivals, one of Baddingham’s TV shows is called Four Men Went to Mow — where sexy farmers, sexily stripped to the waist, carry out sexy agricultural duties.

Turner, of course, infamously stripped to the waist a few times in Poldark, for that scything scene or lying in bed or emerging from the sea. In a pleasingly postmodern moment, one scene sees Turner rail against Four Men Went to Mow — raging, almost camply, “TV can’t just be men taking their tops off!”

Rivals is on Disney+ from October 18

[local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti]

Oooooh here we go. We have the cetacean “experts” joining in to justify the bad handling of Moo Deng and discrediting me/shooting the messenger because I support responsible cetacean management. Because everyone just made up their mind that you can’t give dolphins the habitat they need because “it’s not the ocean.”

But it’s apparently totally okay to give other species substandard habitats. I guess Moo Deng doesn’t really NEED to live in a jungle. Concrete is fine for her :)

Now we do know that dolphins can thrive in human care and “suffering all the time” isn’t actually the case (at least, not from this generalisation basis there can absolutely be poor welfare in bad facilities) and basically any time anyone mentions the word SeaWorld everyone loses the ability to critically think.

You know what we never do with cetaceans? Grab at and harass their babies for clout. The only time we ever interact with the calf in those early days is to check their health parameters. And it is always with active participation and consent.

It’s important that we make sure the calf is doing well, especially in those critical early days where the calf is so vulnerable. So, with positive reinforcement, we teach the mother to bring over her calf voluntarily and do a very gentle restraint to collect samples.

This is the only time we’re touching the calf. And not every facility does this either, some will stay completely hands off besides feeding the mother.

But this is how you do safe, respectful and stress free animal husbandry, actually using desensitisation and conditioning positive emotional responses to being handled:

When watching this video, keep in mind that restraining a dolphin physically with only a few people is almost impossible. This dolphin is staying with her carers because she trusts them and she has a relationship with them.

I know this dolphin and the people in this video. It’s an incredible thing to see cooperative care like this in action.

Commentary and tags like the one above goes to show how the “trust the keeper” argument is only for selective species that are being used for clout.

But trust the people who work with dolphins or orcas? Trust the people that work in dolphin welfare and who actively work to measure and improve it? No, because everyone and their dog are apparently cetacean welfare experts because they regurgitate Blackfish or the talking points of a handful of lobbyists parading as scientists.

And they’ll even use violent wording and thinly veiled death threats against keepers, justifying it with this idea that they want to “liberate” animals that they don’t have any idea about caring for.

Anyway here’s a bunch of research on dolphin welfare that supports positive welfare states in human care :)

• There are no scientific studies suggesting that dolphins in marine mammal facilities are more prone to disease than dolphins in the wild. In fact, peer-reviewed scientific studies have shown that the immune systems of wild dolphins are much more challenged than the immune systems of dolphins in human care (refs 1-2)

• Similarly, there are no scientific studies suggesting that dolphins in marine mammal facilities are any more stressed than dolphins in the wild. On the contrary, studies have shown that cortisol levels (i.e., the “stress hormone”) of dolphins in marine mammal facilities are either very similar to, or lower than, cortisol levels of wild dolphins, depending on the technique used to obtain the samples (See review in ref 3).

• Bottlenose dolphins in U.S facilities are living as long or longer than their wild counterparts (ref 4)

• Average life expectancy from 2001-2015 was 41.6 years in SeaWorld orcas, showing significant improvements in veterinary care and welfare (ref 5)

• Aggression and agonistic behaviour made up 1-2% of observed behaviours in orcas at Loro Parque, debunking claims of hyper aggression and chronic stress from supposed poor social structures. (ref 6)

(1) Ruiz, C. L., Nollens, H. H., Venn-Watson, S., Green, L. G., Wells, R. S., Walsh, M. T., ... & Jacobson, E. R. (2009). Baseline circulating immunoglobulin G levels in managed collection and free-ranging bottlenose dolphins (Tursiops truncatus). Developmental & Comparative Immunology, 33(4), 449-455.

(2) Fair, P. A., Schaefer, A. M., Houser, D. S., Bossart, G. D., Romano, T. A., Champagne, C. D., ... & Reif, J. S. (2017). The environment as a driver of immune and endocrine responses in dolphins (Tursiops truncatus). PLoS ONE, 12(5), e0176202.

(3) Proie, S. (2013). A systematic review of cortisol levels in wild and captive Atlantic bottlenose dolphin (Tursiops truncatus), killer whale, (Orcinus orca), and beluga whale (Delphinapterus leucas). MA Thesis, Evergreen State College.

(4) Jaakkola, K., & Willis, K. (2019). How long do dolphins live? Survival rates and life expectancies for bottlenose dolphins in zoological facilities vs. wild populations. Marine Mammal Science.

(5) Robeck, T. R., Willis, K., Scarpuzzi, M. R., & O’Brien, J. K. (2015). Comparisons of Life-History Parameters between Free-Ranging and Captive Killer Whale (Orcinus orca) Populations for Application Toward Species Management. Journal of Mammalogy, 96(5), 1055–1070. http://doi.org/ 10.1093/jmammal/gyv113

(6) Sánchez-Hernández, P., Krasheninnikova, A., Almunia, J., & Molina-Borja, M. (2019). Social interaction analysis in captive orcas ( Orcinus orca ) . Zoo Biology, (April), 1–11. http://doi.org/ 10.1002/zoo.21502

Positive behavioural states are demonstrated in cetaceans in human care: Peer-reviewed scientific studies show that:

• Dolphins show anticipatory behaviors before sessions of interacting with their trainers (with no food involvement). This shows they view the interactions themselves as positive. (ref 1)

• An increase in dolphin behavioral diversity and play behavior following interactive programs suggest that such programs are in fact enriching for the dolphins and add to their psychological well-being (refs 2-3).

• Dolphins observed swimming in sync with each other at zoological facilities displayed optimistic judgements in optimistic bias tests, indicating positive welfare. (ref 4)

• When given the choice, dolphins in one study showed a preference for being in a smaller pool, despite having access to larger pools, indicating that size of pool may not be influencing dolphin movement preferences. (ref 5)

(1) Clegg, I. L., Rödel, H. G., Boivin, X., & Delfour, F. (2018). Looking forward to interacting with their caretakers: dolphins’ anticipatory behaviour indicates motivation to participate in specific events. Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 202, 85-93.

(2) Miller, L. J., Mellen, J., Greer, T., & Kuczaj, S. A. (2011). The effects of education programmes on Atlantic bottlenose dolphin (Tursiops truncatus) behaviour. Animal Welfare, 20, 159-172.

(3) Trone, M., Kuczaj, S., & Solangi, M. (2005). Does participation in Dolphin–Human Interaction Programs affect bottlenose dolphin behaviour? Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 93, 363-374.

(4) Clegg, I. L., Rödel, H. G., & Delfour, F. (2017). Bottlenose dolphins engaging in more social affiliative behaviour judge ambiguous cues more optimistically. Behavioural brain research, 322, 115-122.

(5) Melissa R. Shyan , David Merritt, N. M., & Kohlmeier, K. B. & J. T. (2010). Effects of Pool Size on Free- Choice Selections by Atlantic Bottlenosed Dolphins at One Zoo Facility. Journal of Applied Animal Welfare Science, 5(3), 203–213. http://doi.org/10.1207/S15327604JAWS0503

Note how this is a body of evidence from multiple sources that are being developed and complied over time. That is what science is all about.

Anyone who tells you that the science is finalised on something eg. Lori Marino and Naomi Rose insisting that the science is settled on cetacean welfare being inherently bad in human care - be very very skeptical of them. They are trying to sell you ideology over science (and they’d love for you to donate your money to their sanctuary that hasn’t passed any approval to build for 5 years)

The science is rarely “settled” on anything.

As for SeaWorld themselves, they have not published enough welfare data for us to discuss. But their animals do show signs of positive welfare states including active participation in health care and training, engagement with enrichment, ability to learn and adapt (stressed animals can’t learn complex behaviours and won’t participate in sessions), stable social structures with occasional conflict ect.

[whitemancumslut]

BEST OF FRIENDS….

summary actress!singer!reader is best friends with the one and only harry styles. many suspect romance between the two… but can you blame them? here are some of their birthday post for each other throughout the years💕 face claim, gracie abrams

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, liampayne, and 2,626,002 others

harrystyles Happy birthday i guess…

view all 4,000 comments

yourinstagram you love me tom

harrystyles Hate to admit it

harryfan101 you don’t hate to admit it

harryfan2 you love her you know it

harryfan3 tom????

harryfan4 it’s their nicknames😭😭 she’s jerry he’s tom and they both call each other ‘stinky’

ynfan1 y’all are in love admit it

ynfan2 HAHA “I GUESS” THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO CUTE

ynfan3 LITERALLY!!!

harryfan5 AWW

yourinstagram

liked by taylorswift, zendaya, and 3,339,000 others

yourinstagram happy birthday stinky!! i love u lots

view all 7,229 comments

harryfan1 STINKY!! AH THE NICKNAMES

ynfan1 AWWW HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY

ynfan2 YALL ARE SO CUTE

harryfan2 i aspire to have a friendship like theirs

harryfan3 same tbh

harrystyles Kisses to my Jerry❤️

harryfan3 KISSES??? HES TOO CUTE

harryfan4 i know she wishes they were real kisses..

yourinstagram you’re not wrong

ynfan3 WHAT .

harrystyles

liked by camilacabello, yourinstagram, and 3,993,727 others

harrystyles Congrats, you’re a big girl now! Happy birthday stinky!

view all 5,557 comments

yourinstagram Thanks big dog😊

yourinstagram my Tom so sweet

ynfan1 YOUR TOM😩😩 YOU GUYS ARE ADORABLE

ynfan2 DATE ALREADY HELLOOOO

ynfan3 LITERALLY LIKE

harryfan1 y’all they have a platonic relationship

harryfan2 almost siblings

ynfan4 WOAH…

ynfan5 siblings is pushing it

harryfan3 SIBLINGS?? THEY FLIRT WAY TOO MUCH TO BE SIBLINGS BYE

ynfan6 you’re in denial

harryfan4 OH MY GOSHHHH

harryfan5 i’m obsessed with you two

yourinstagram

liked by sabrinacarpenter, harrystyles, and 2,999,431 others

yourinstagram EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT LIKE COOPERATING OR PAYING ME ANY MIND WHEN I SAY POSE— KISSES AND KISSES TO YOU!!! TO MANY MORE TOM<3

view all 4,080 comments

harrystyles Thank you, Jerry x

harryfan1 Omg the nickname still stands yall!😭

harryfan2 I KNOW MY HEART!!!

ynfan1 TOM AND JERRY😭😭

ynfan2 HAPPY BIRTHDAY

harryfan3 no because he looks rlly good here

ynfan3 LITERALLY- THE HAIR😩😩

harryfan4 the way he’s just sitting there looking so fine😩😩

ynfan4 so effortlessly

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, louis91, and 3,007,909 others

harrystyles Throwback to one of your first rehearsals! you were small!!! Happy birthday, tiny.

harryfan1 TINY?? A NEW NICKNAME GOD

harryfan2 IM CRYING THIS IS TOO CUTE

yourinstagram Very wholesome of you

harryfan3 MY HEART

ynfan1 MY BABIES OH MY

ynfan2 😭TINY

ynfan3 ik they are so cute irl with these nicknames

yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, niallhoran, and 5,000,907 others

yourinstagram Happy birthday sexy!!😊😊😊

view all 10,007 comments

harrystyles Oh you’re too sweet angel!

yourinstagram Sense the sarcasm.

harryfan1 HAHAHA

harryfan2 SEXY??? OH GOD HERE WE GO

ynfan1 NO WAY THE VIDEO HAHAHA

ynfan2 okay but you’re right he’s sexy

harryfan3 now… at this point they’re feeding into it

ynfan3 okay and we’re hungry. they’re giving us what we need

harryfan4 THE VIDEO😭😭

harryfan5 NOOO I CANT HEAR IT WHAT DOES IT SAY???

harryfan4 it’s just y/n saying “stinky look at the camera.” and he just turns and smiles with a thumbs up that’s it😭😭

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, annetwist, and 5,000,999 others

harrystyles Happy birthday pretty angel❤️

view all 12,828 comments

yourinstagram THANK YOUUU GORGEOUS BOY

harryfan1 y’all are in love

ynfan1 😭😭😭😭

ynfan2 I’m melting

ynfan3 PRETTY ANGEL. PRETTY ANGEL. I REPEAT PRETTY ANGEL.

harryfan2 GOSH SHE IMA CRY

harryfan3 NO WAYYY

harryfan4 she’s getting more attention/post then any of harry’s girlfriends ever

ynfan4 plot twist: she is the girlfriend

yourinstagram’s stories

harrystyles

liked by mitchrowland, yourinstagram, and 5,992,283 others

harrystyles Missing you a little extra right now. Happy birthday, pretty.

view all 7,838 comments

harryfan1 i’m so emotional right now.

harryfan2 i can’t do this

ynfan1 PRETTY?? MY HEART GOSH IM MISSING TOM AND JERRY AND STINKY!!!

harryfan3 ME TOO

ynfan2 LITERALLY IM MISSING THE NICKNAMES

harryfan4 HE POSTED Y/N OH MY GOD

harryfan5 what’s sad is that they hardly see each other anymore. she’s filming more and he’s touring. she posted on her story this year. NO EVEN A POST.

ynfan3 the second slide is recent though right??

harryfan5 yes. that’s when they saw each other at Sarah’s birthday party.

ynfan4 OMG THE TEXT😭

yourinstagram ma stinkyyyy❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

harryfan6 THERE IT IS OMGG

ynfan4 BABIES OH MY GOD

ynfan5 i’m crying i’ve missed them so much. i can only go so long without them

ynfan6 this relationship is too good to be true

harryfan7 RELATIONSHIP???

harryfan8 platonic .

ynfan7 yeah they’ve been hanging out a lot since tour came to an end… very little details hint they’re definitely more than what they’re claiming

harryfan9 they aren’t claiming ANYTHING.

yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles and 6,008,917 others

yourinstagram stinky is old now:( happy birthday i love you. i love you. i love you. this is your year, H x

view all 3,930 comments

harrystyles i love you.

harryfan1 okay now there’s no way that y’all rekindling ain’t make y’all realize your feelings.

harryfan2 wattpad shit for real

ynfan1 no way… WE SEE THE SAME THING RIGHT???

ynfan2 YES OH MY GOSH.

harryfan3 THIS IS NOT THE SAME WAY ANYMORE

ynfan3 AWEEE

ynfan4 YALL ARE TOO CUTE

harryfan4 MY HEART IS BURSTING

ynfan5 “your year” yeah i’m sobbing

harrystyles

liked by lizzobeeting, yourinstagram, and 9,000,000 others

harrystyles My soul. My muse. My best friend. My everything. Happy birthday, my angel.

yourinstagram baby i love u

harrystyles oh how i love you

harryfan1 OH MY FREAKING GOD

harryfan2 NO WAY.

ynfan1 NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY

ynfan2 BABY??

harryfan3 WE WON

ynfan3 IM CRYING HARD

ynfan4 OH MY WORD

harryfan4 😭😭😭 END ME NOW

harryfan5 MY PARENTS

yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, tomholland, and 9,029,003 others

yourinstagram everyone wake up, my love—my manchild is twenty eight today

view all 14,929 comments

harryfan1 Manchild😭 MY LOVE

harryfan2 MANCHILD AHHAAHAH

harrystyles ❤️❤️❤️

ynfan1 THE FACT THEY ARE THE IT COUPLE

ynfan2 NOT HIM STEALING YOUR STRUNCHIE????

harryfan3 THIS IS TOO WHOLESOME IMA EXPLODE

[star-xxx1]

Hi, I would love to request a I guess dark Wanda from a different universe where she comes and gets us after the Wanda from our universe left us for vision and the same thing happened in dark Wanda universe but we die there and Wanda realizes her mistake and goes through the multiverse to get us, I honestly don't know if that counts as a happy ending

Eyes everywhere-

Thank you for requesting!

A/n: My delusional ass will make anything into a happy ending

Dark! Wanda x afab! reader

Summary: Wanda comes back for you, after a long time, wanting to make a mends, acting if she hadn't left you in shambles.

Warnings: dark Wanda, stalker Wanda, Wanda being soooo intense, toxic love, mentions of blood, angst, fluff, begging, eating out, dub- con, severe oversimulation, sub/dom dynamics, reader has a dog?

It's a dark night, the moon doesn't shine quite right, the wind whistles through the windows, creating an eerie sound. The rain is pouring down.

The rain continues to pour down, creating a soft patter against the frosty bedroom window. The windows are cracked open ever so slightly, the patter of the rain is soothing, you find yourself falling asleep.

You fell into the first the stage of sleeping, dozing off into a light sleep. However something felt wrong, weird, almost like the world had shifted. You felt a presence, not a pleasant one, something or somebody was watching you. You decided to brush this of as paranoia, something that has been heightened recently.

Wrong choice.

It felt like something was coming for you.

Nuzzling further into the comfort of your bed, the large cotton throw you had recently added providing even more wramth, you allowed yourself to fall under temptation of sleep.

Failing to notice the red, spine-chilling eyes observing you from a far, disappearing with strong gush of wind.

-------------------------------------------------------

The beautiful scenery off the dense forest entertained you, as stood in your rustic kitchen. Wearing your silky, tiffany blue pajamas, stirring the cup of hot chocolate you had made. It was still raining but you didn't mind. Feeling something soft down by your legs you, peered down to your see beloved dog, Cooper.

"Hi angel, you like a treat?" Your voice came out in the babyish tone everyone used with animals. Making a loud noise with his mouth, tilting his head to the side, making baby eyes, you took that as a yes. Rummaging through the wooden cupboards, you finally found his treat tin. Fishing around the tin -decorated with little paws- you found his favorite treat, throwing the chicken flavor bone across the room. Cooper darted off to go get it, the sound of his paws padding against the wooden floor filled up the large, open room.

Content with your fur baby happy, you grabbed a book at sat down on the couch. Hours passed, you sat there, book in hand, reading away. From 10:00 am to 13:00 pm you had been reading. You stomach starting rumbling, making you realize that you had skipped lunch. Making your way to the kitchen, you opened the fridge grabbing the ingredients plus a knife.

Errkkk...

Your heart stopped upon hearing that sound. Was that the front door opening? Grabbing the knife you slowly turned around, ​cautiously​ treading around the corner, you peaked slightly... and who you saw made pure fear engulf you.

Wanda Maxioff.

Your ex- girlfriend. The person who torn out your heart and left you to fend off yourself. Your body began trembling, hands clammy with sweat that seeped from your pores. She looked Horffic, delivish. Blood covered her, head to toe, she stood in a aggressive stance, ready to pounce. The thing that caught your eye the most was her eyes, they glowed a color of pure evil, red, they felt so familiar.

"I can see you my love" her voice sent shivers down your spine, my love? She was the one who left you.

After hearing her, knowing that she knew that you were there, your first instinct was to run.

You tried to run, but weren't not quick enough. Wanda quickly catched you and pined you down to the floor, straddling your waist, forcing the knife out you hand. You can see the madness in her eyes. In her mind, she's decided that no one will stand between her and all the love she wants.

"love you. I need you. You're mine. You'll always be mine" She's desperate, as if she can't help herself. Tears rolling down your cheek, with a sharp pain shooting through your body you stuttered over your words, trying to come out with a sentence, while she looked down at you with a scary look in her eyes. Behind you, heard the door slam shut, realizing that she used her powers and you're now locked in with her.

"Oh, y/n ... you can't escape now." Her voice taunted you.

"W-wanda stop it get of me!" You begged, wiggling underneath the women.

"Love me!" She breathly screamed at you, the colour in her eyes growing stronger. You shake your head no, to scared to talk.

Her face suddenly fills with utter rage

"No? I do all this for you, and you don't love me?After everything I've done, you don't love me?" Her voice is shaking, and she holds the knife up.

"I killed for you... And this is what you what you do?!" her face full of anger and fury She's a completely different person now, she's completely insane.

Your were so confused, were was this all coming from? Killing? Who?

All you can recall is an dramatic break up between you too, once you found out she was cheating on you, with a man called vision. Which she tried to excuse as having a high sex drive, and since you weren't working from home anymore you couldn't fulfill her needs.

You try to get away for her, she screams at you, her face full of anger.

"Why are you running? What are you afraid of?" She grabs you by the hair, holding the knife up to your face.

"Don't you see? It's just you and me now. And we'll be together forever" She tightenes her grip on your hair

"Do you love me or not? Give me an answer! You should love me. You can't deny the feelings between us. I know you feel it too. I know you want me. You need me"

She's crazy now, like a complete lunatic. She smiles at you. It's the smile of a total psycho.

"Give in to me. You know you want it. Come on. you will be with me. I know you want to" You shake you head again, trying to deny this hard reality.

Her face fills with more rage "So you refuse? You refuse to give me what I want? You think you're above me, and you don't have to obey me?"

She grabs you by the hair again and pulls you up "Well, you will obey me. I'll make you obey me. You will love me again. You will give in to me. You will give your heart to me. You will give your body to me. You will give me everything. Do you hear me?"

All that you could let out was a whimper. Her smile suddenly grows wider, as she seems completely deranged now.

"You'll give in soon enough. I'll make you. I'll make you love me. And when I do, it'll be so great. It'll be us. It'll be just as I imagined. We'll be together forever. You can't fight it, y/n It's too strong..."

She kisses you passionately. Pulling away when out off breathe, she dragged you into the living room, throwing you on the couch. Trying to fight against the women who was clawing at you clothes, ripping them off, all you could do was cry, you were out powered.

"Stop, please I will be yours! Just stop!" You cried out . She smirks as she looks down at you with her insane eyes.

"No I won't stop. You refused to give me what I want. You refuse to obey me. You're my ex-girlfriend, and you'll do anything I say, won't you? Don't you love me? Don't you want to give yourself to me? Give me your heart, and I'll make you love me again. I know you still love me, y/n. You still have feelings for me. Don't try to deny it" She sternly let out.

When all clothes where discarded she brutally spread your legs, digging her finger nails into your soft thighs, she noticed that were upset.

"Oh, y/n, you're so beautiful, even when you cry. Those tears look so precious on your cheeks. So special... So rare..." She puts her hand to your face and wipes away the tears, she seems almost possessed.

"Your learn" she hissed out, while moving onto her stomach. Before you could response Wanda dived in, lapping you up like it was her last meal. She moaned tasting you, she had gone so long with out the taste of your sweet juices, months almost tipping into a year.

"You taste so sweet dekta" she yearned out. So many emotions were coursing through you, pleasure, fear, love?...

Love.

Why we're you feeling love for the women who hurt you so badly. Maybe you were willing to give her an another chance, your love for her was too strong, you missed her every single day but tried not to let it affect you. You wanted to be hers again you, wanted to let go and thats what you did...

"F-fuck" you whimpered out, breath hitching.

"What was that dekta?" Wanda asked, knowing dam well what you said.

"P-Please more" your voice sounded so small.

"If you say so love" Wanda continue, her tounge fucking deep into your tight hole, causing you to moan loud. This is exactly what Wanda wanted, for you to submit. She started sucking on your clit, taking your sentisvie bud into her mouth and latching on, sucking hard.

"I wanna cum, please Wanda!" you pleaded.

"Go ahead but I'm not stopping till I feel like it"

You came hard on her tounge, eyes rolling to the back of your head, body aggressivly shaking. Wanda held you down by wrapping her arms around your thighs.

"Fuck, Wanda!" You screamed out.

Wanda didn't stop, her pace was rough and hard. You were so sentisvie, begging her stop, it was too much. She won't stop abusing your dripping hole along with you pink bud.

"Wanda please to much!" you panted out, trying to get away from the women. She didn't listen, dragging orgasms after orgasms out of you. Untill you finally squirted all over her face, body jerking upwards, back arching, blacking out from how extreme it was, it was truly a beautiful sight for Wanda.

Picking you up into her strong arms, she took you to bed, performing aftercare and letting you rest, changing into your clothes, she settled into your bed, the one she watched you sleep in for weeks on end. Hugging you tight, she'll wait untill the morning to explain why she's back. She smiles, feeling so happy and relieved now.

"We'll be together always, and we'll never be apart again." In her mind, she's already convinced herself that you will love her back

"You'll love me again. You have to. You have to love me again" she said stroking your cheek, kissing your forehead, she closed her eyes joining you in sweet slumber.

-------------------------------------------------------

Waking up, you immediately snuggled futher into Wanda, you missed this, you really did. The movement against her woke up, she held you close to her, never wanting to let go. The first thing she wanted to do is tell you everything, get everything off her chest, confess.

"Y/n" her voice groggy, you humed in reponssd "don't talk just listen I just want to get this step out of the way" she sighed " Okay, so I'm, I'm not from your universe, I traveled to come get you, I missed you so much, I'm so sorry for leaving you it wasn't a Good excuse! Just please forgive me vision wasn't better than you, no one could top you! I'm so so so sorry! I'll do anything just please forgive me!"

you listen in absolute shock, eyebrows furrowed.

"Why didn't you get me in your universe?" You asked.

"Because, your dead" she said in a low, sad tone.

"W-what?"

"Car crash, a-and after that I realized how much I need you, I already missed you so badly, vision was terrible but you didn't want me back you were scared of getting hurt again, but when you died it only added to grief, so please please take me back, I'm so sorry for being rough last night, i just need you so bad, please, I've watched you for weeks, I crave you, I need you!"

Your assumptions where confirmed it wasn't paranoia it was Wanda.

Taking a deep breath, Wanda continued on "I get that your probably scared to take me back, but please I need you, please, I've changed, I only want you! I love you!" Tears slowly rolled down Wanda cheeks, this was a big confession.

"I- wow okay that a lots to take in, h- what about Wanda in this universe? " you questioned.

"Gone, that's who's blood I was drenched in, she was trying to get to you too"

"Huh- um wow okay" you seemed astonished.

You took a few seconds to think about it... You loved this women to much, you didn't care what she did you wanted her, in your eyes she was perfect.

"I missed you too, a lot" you said, hugging her tightly.

"Thank you my love" she beamed through happy tears.

"Do you understand, y/n? This is our new life together. You and me, forever"

You nodded.

Her touch is gentle and sweet, but her eyes are still full of craziness and insanity She caresses your lips gently, and she leans in.

"Kiss me, Star. Kiss me and we'll be together always."

She looks right into your eyes, as you lean in, your lips touching hers, in a soft loving manner.

Thats the kiss that sealed the deal with the devil Wanda, the women who loved you so much and would do anything for you. You could never escape.

"I love you" Wanda smirked.

"I love you too Wanda"

-------------------------------------------------------

I hoped you enjoyed!

[dngrs-untld-hrshps-unnmbrd]

Sweet Little Killer

Ghoulcy | Cooper x Lucy | post S1 | touchstarved | hurt\comfort | angst | sometimes he's an asshole | there was only one bed | overprotective and jealous Ghoul | eventual smut

Those big eyes, Cooper thought, his anger rising. Those big eyes of hers were glistening with tears, and twice as pretty for it. He wondered if she knew the effect she had on men with those soulful eyes of hers. If she did, she was damn well making those tears brim on her dark lashes on purpose, trying to wrap his withered heart around her pretty little finger.

As Ghoul and Lucy journey across the wastes to New Vegas both of them learn a helluva lot more about each other, and circumstances and mutual attraction drive them into each other's arms.

Start with Chapter One

CHAPTER TWO

‘Just how big is a radscorpion?’ Lucy asked Cooper in a quavering voice.

They were marching across the sand, east into the rosy dawn. Dogmeat, full of energy and happy to be on the move, was running laps of them, her ears pricked forward and tongue lolling out. To Lucy’s disgust, Cooper had fed the dog a breakfast of ass jerky.   

‘Oh, all sizes,’ Cooper replied, sweeping the horizon for any sign of movement. He wanted today to pass without any Vault-Tec, Knights, Enclave, or other miscellaneous bastards getting in his way.

‘Will I see one before it sees me?’

‘I guess you’ll find out, sweetheart,’ he replied with a grin.

Lucy scowled at him. ‘You’re not making any of this easier.’

‘Was that my job? Sorry, I must have missed that in my contract when you paid me for my very expensive services.’

Lucy glowered at his broad back and kept walking. Was the man never not sarcastic?

She saw what looked like scuttle marks in the sand, the kind an eight-legged creature might leave. A creature that was as long as her arm.

Lucy swallowed hard. Oh, good golly.

They passed by a ruin that had collapsed sometime in recent months, and debris was scattered on the sand. Lucy lifted up a pipe about three feet long and the thickness of two thumbs. It felt good in her grip. Not too heavy that she couldn’t swing it, but it could do some damage.

The ghoul gazed at the pipe in her hand and then gave her a nod so slight that she almost missed it. Her heart lifted. He approved of something she’d done.  

‘First one’s yours, vaultie.’

Her heart sank.

They didn’t have to walk for long to find the radscorpion that was as long as her arm. In fact, Lucy suspected the ghoul had led them straight to it. 

He turned to her with a grin and folded his arms as the furious invertebrate scuttled toward them. ‘Have at it.’

Lucy licked her lips. ‘Any tips?’

‘Don’t get stung.’

‘Gee, you’re a real help.’

Ghoul stepped back to watch. A radscorpion could only stab with its stinger every few seconds. If the girl was smart, she’d dodge a strike and get in a few hits with the pipe. But he wasn’t convinced she was anything more than a book smart little do-gooder.

The radscorpion struck out three times before Lucy got over her fear enough to remember that she had a weapon. Wincing, she slammed it down onto the critter. It took a nasty hit, but struck out again. Lucy squealed and leapt back. Her surprise turned to determination, and she landed another hit. The radscorpion twitched, and then died.

‘Ha!’ Lucy exclaimed, breathing hard. 

Cooper smiled to himself. There she was, the little killer he’d seen for an instant as she’d ripped off his finger with her teeth. He liked that girl.

 ‘Here.’ He tugged a knife out of the holster on his belt and passed it to her, hilt first.

‘What’s this for?’ she asked, examining the enormous blade. It was the same length as her fingertips to her elbow. 

He dug in his saddle bag and pulled out a cloth, tossing it to her. ‘Get that stinger out of its tail. You can get twenty caps for a radscorpion stinger sac. Sometimes more.’

While he stood over her, Lucy cracked the tail open and cut out the sac and wrapped it in the cloth bag. She’d done this all by herself, and it felt oddly satisfying.  

When she looked up, the ghoul was chewing on some dried meat, and her smile vanished. He nodded at the radscorpion.

‘Don’t forget your breakfast, unless you’d like some ass jerky.’

Her stomach was rumbling. Anything was better than people. ‘Just think of it as cornmeal porridge,’ she muttered to herself as she cracked open a scorpion leg and ate the soft, clammy meat with her fingers. Thankfully it didn’t taste of much.

The day was a series of radscorpion kills. All hers. It seemed to Lucy like they were zigzagging back and forth across the desert, wasting time on these pointless kills. The lead pipe was heavy. The makeshift bag of stinger sacs on her shoulder was even heavier. She was exhausted, her arms were aching, and her vault suit was splattered with venom from strikes that she’d only just escaped. The ghoul hadn’t lifted a finger to help.

Lucy was in a low mood as they approached a settlement. It must be safe enough because the ghoul shouldered his way through groups of people into a marketplace.

He nodded at a stall. ‘Go sell your shit over there.’

The stinger sacs earned Lucy one hundred and eighteen caps. She stared at the quantity in surprise. The ghoul hadn’t been lying to her.

As she carried them back to him, she eyed him warily.  ‘I suppose you’ll want most of these.’

He was leaning against a wall with one foot propped up. Lazily, he drawled, ‘Me, sweetie? Why would I touch your caps?’

She blinked in surprise. ‘Really?’

‘I ain’t your keeper. Go buy what you need to cross the wastes without keeling over. And get rid of that fucking Vault-tec suit.’ 

With a ghost of a smile on his lips, he watched her moving through the tiny marketplace, picking through the clothes and other items. For a moment she disappeared behind a curtain, and when she emerged, his foot nearly slipped off the wall. She looked...better. Much better. 

Lucy was pleased with her finds. A pair of slim fitting pants with pockets down the side. A couple of tank tops and several pairs of underwear that might not be new, but at least they were clean. A backpack, a water canteen, several cans of cram and some of vegetables. Everything was scuffed, worn, or repaired, but it was hers, and she’d bought it herself with caps she’d earned.

The ghoul was taking in her new look with his head on one side. ‘Well, look at you. A proper surface-dweller now.’

There was a rare note of approval in his voice. Lucy felt her face flush and her heart beat a little faster, though she didn’t understand why.

‘C’mon, I’ll buy you a drink.’ He led the way into a saloon bar, and then turned to her and asked, ‘Would you like whiskey, or whiskey? Choices ain’t much around these parts.’

Her attention was snared by the sight of something behind him. A board of wanted posters with sketches of people and amounts for their capture.

‘Wait, is that you?’ Lucy seized his shoulders and turned him so that she could examine the board and his face at the same time.

Cooper felt a strange pressure in his chest as Lucy left her hands right there on his shoulders. His muscles were tingling beneath the weight of her hands. What was this weird sensation? He didn’t like it.

He didn’t move.

‘You’ve got the highest bounty on the board,’ she remarked as she finally stepped back and let go of him.

‘I should hope so,’ he said scornfully, moving toward the bar and ordering two whiskeys. They came in small glasses, and he nudged one toward her with his knuckle.

‘Drink. You’re a real bounty hunter now.’

‘Radscorpions count as bounties? I thought that was scavenging.’

‘Tomorrow we’ll call it scavenging. Today, you’re a bounty hunter.’ He clinked his glass against hers and knocked back his drink.

He hoped that his words would make her smile and he searched her face as he swallowed. It did. There was a glimmer of pleasure on her face as she took a tentative sip of her drink.

His stomach felt warm. It was probably the whiskey.  

‘What exactly are you wanted for?’ she asked.

There was interest in Lucy’s eyes as she gazed up at him. Cooper felt like he was standing in a bar in the beforetimes with an ice-cold martini in his hand and basking in the attention of a pretty woman.

Lucy took another sip of whiskey, and then licked an amber droplet of the alcohol that ran over her finger. The discoloured finger. The one he’d taken such pleasure in making her watch as he’d lovingly cut it from her hand.

Maybe he should feel guilty about that.  

He didn’t.

His little vaultie was starting to toughen up.

A smile slid over Cooper’s lips and he rubbed his jaw. ‘This and that.’

‘Colour me intrigued.’

He gave a modest shrug. ‘You can breathe in the wrong direction and you get on the bad side of the Enclave. They don’t like anyone who ain’t a government sycophant.’

‘But you did more than breathe in the wrong direction,’ she guessed.

No adoring movie fan and no martini ever felt and tasted as good as having Lucy’s undivided attention and interest. Truthfully, he had no idea why his face was up on that board, but it could be for any number of killings.

They were standing close together, both of them leaning on the bar. ‘What will you tell people when it’s your pretty face up on that board?’

‘Me? I’m not a wanted woman.’

She tucked her hair behind her ear, and he watched her do it. Just about every man in the place was watching her do it. Not a wanted woman? 

You sure about that, darlin’?

Cooper tapped the bar for another whiskey, and the bartender refilled his glass.

‘If you say so.’ Cooper knocked back his second drink, and then turned to face the room. Moving his duster aside to expose the gun at his hip, he glared from one staring man to the next until they all took the hint and turned their attention away from his vaultie.

Across the room, two working girls flashed him smiles and waves. Forced smiles. They knew bounty hunters usually had caps to spare and they were desperate enough to try and take them from a ghoul.

Lucy noticed the women paying him attention. ‘If you’re in the mood for some company, I can wait here.’

She really thought he wanted to leave her side for an awkward tumble? ‘No need.’

‘No need? Oh, do you mean you can’t? Sorry, I don’t know much about ghouls.’

Cooper’s head reared up. Outrage expanded in his chest. Lucy assumed that he couldn’t get it up? That as well as losing his life, his home, his daughter, and his looks, he’d lost that as well? ‘Hold up a second, sweetheart. Are you implying that I—’

‘Ghoul!’

Past Lucy’s shoulder a man was striding toward him with a big, stupid grin on his face. A man in his thirties with lanky blond hair and a bandolier of bullets across his chest.

Cooper’s hand clenched in a fist. For fuck’s sake. He stepped around Lucy, keeping her behind him. ‘Kody.’

Kody was another bounty hunter who liked to chew Cooper’s ear off every time they crossed paths.

‘Hey there. Who’s your friend?’ His eyes landed on Lucy. 

Lucy opened her mouth to give Kody her name, but Cooper spoke before she did. ‘She’s nobody. Let’s get a table, I’m tired of being on my feet.’

He felt twin pricks in the side of his neck as Lucy glared at him. He bought what was left of an open bottle of whiskey, about a third of its usual contents, and steered Lucy and Kody over to a quiet corner of the room. Kody wouldn’t leave him the hell alone until they’d had a drink together and he needed to keep an eye on Lucy in case someone tried to grab her.

‘What are you doing out this way?’ Cooper asked when the three of them were settled with Dogmeat under the table.

‘I’m headed over to Hasting’s place. He put word out there’s bounty work.’

‘Is that so.’

‘How about you?’

Cooper stared at the other man in silence, and then nodded at Lucy. ‘Mail order bride. Taking this one to some rich man who owns a ranch.’

Lucy narrowed her eyes at him. Her expression said, I will kill you.

Kody turned to Lucy with what he probably thought was a charming smile. ‘Oh, honey, you don’t need to do that. Ghoul can leave you with me and I’ll take care of you so good.’

Cooper felt the back of his neck bristle. He was pouring another round of whiskey and put the bottle down with a thud that made all their glasses jump. ‘Don’t look at my bounty, Kody.’

‘Ghoul’s sensitive today,’ Kody said to Lucy with a grin.

‘Is that what you call him? Ghoul?’

‘The Ghoul. This man’s infamous around these parts.’

Cooper threw back his whiskey, reached down to his belt and yanked out his knife. Kody’s hand was flat on the table as he continued to talk to Lucy with that stupid smile on his face. Cooper slammed the knife point-down into the table, right through Kody’s hand.

Kody screamed and stared at his bleeding, impaled hand, his fingers flexing. Lucy gasped. The whole bar stared.

Finally, people were looking at something that wasn’t his vaultie.

‘What the hell, man? Have you lost your mind?’ Kody cried.

‘Maybe I have,’ Cooper said through bared teeth, and twisted the knife. Bones cracked in Kody’s hand and he screamed again. Kody wanted to pull his hand away, but that would mean ripping it apart.

Lucy was breathing fast and shallow, her eyes huge. ‘Mr. Ghoul, please don’t—’

‘Why are you lying to me, Kody?’ Cooper asked, not taking his eyes off the other bounty hunter.

‘Shit. Shit. How am I meant to work if you destroy my gun hand? I ain’t lying about anything, Ghoul. I swear.’

‘You’re not going to Hastings’ place, because Hastings ain’t home. He’s a wanted man. Are you fried on chems, or are you just that fucking stupid that you didn’t notice his face on that board behind us?’

Kody glanced behind them at the wanted board, and his anger deflated. The man started to look scared. ‘Ghoul, I didn’t try to take her from you. I wasn’t going to. Just let me go.’

Deadly, cold anger swept through Cooper. ‘Oh, that’s all right then. You can go.’

Kody glanced at the knife sticking through his hand, waiting for Cooper to pull it out.  

Cooper didn’t move. ‘I said, go on.’

‘Don’t make me rip my hand open. Please, man,’ Kody begged.

When Cooper still didn’t answer, Kody started to whimper. ‘I can’t—I didn’t—ah fuck.’ He looked desperately at Lucy, sweat on his brow. ‘I’ll split the caps with you when we reach New Vegas. You don’t need to put up with this asshole.’

Kody was still looking at his vaultie. Someone had put a bounty on her, and it must be a lot of caps if Kody was willing to double-cross him. Dogmeat was out from beneath the table and barking frantically. Cooper viciously twisted the knife again.

Kody screamed, and then drew a gun. Cooper knocked Kody’s arm upwards so the bullet fired through the tin roof and the gun went tumbling from his hand. He was distracted for a moment as Lucy flinched and fell off her chair, giving Kody the chance to punch him in the guts. With the wind knocked out of him, Cooper yanked the knife out of the table and drove it through Kody’s throat.

Kody crumpled to the ground with a gurgle. Cooper braced his hand against the table, wheezing as he dragged air back into his spasming lungs. He stared at the dead man in disgust. Fucking prick, going after Lucy right in front of him.  

Lucy was sprawled on the floor. Cooper bent down to help her to her feet, checking her over for injuries. Blood was trickling from her grazed elbow. His vaultie was tender. That would leave a bruise. With a gentle swipe of his thumb, he wiped away the blood.

‘That must hurt.’

‘I’m okay,’ she said softly. Breathlessly. So close. ‘Thank you. For um, not letting him take me.’

Cooper went still. Lucy was pressed against his chest with her hands on his shoulders. He was holding her. It had been a long time since he’d held a woman. A lifetime. He’d been another man then. If he’d met Lucy before the bombs fell, he would have made it his business to coax a smile to those pretty lips of hers. Just one smile that he could store away in his heart. Too bad everything was different now, and the only reason she was clinging to him was because she was terrified.

‘Are you okay?’ she asked, genuine worry in her eyes.

Cooper frowned at her strange question. ‘Me?’

‘Yeah, he hit you.’ She gently placed her hand over his chest, feeling the ridges of his ribs and stomach muscles. Her fingers stroked him through his clothing, sending shivers through his body. What in the hell was happening to him?

How did he ask her never to stop without sounding like a crazy man?

Cooper forgot how to breathe for a moment, and then started again with a shudder.

Lucy heard it and lifted her eyes to his.

She smelled sweet and was soft in his arms. That curve of her waist that he’d been admiring all day as she’d beaten radscorpions was supple in his gloved hands. What was sweeter than the only woman on earth touching him like he was precious rather than the wreck he really was? The only woman that Ghoul had noticed on earth in two hundred years, anyway.

‘Oh, I’m fine, darlin’,’ he murmured, his gaze traveling along her jaw and down her throat.

Lucy’s eyebrows shot up. ‘You don’t sound sarcastic. Are you sure you’re all right?’

His gaze dropped to the corpse on the floor and reality came flooding back. If bounty hunters were coming after them, there was no place they were safe. Daddy MacLean must have put word out that he wanted his daughter. Every gunslinger around would be trying to take Lucy from him.  

No, he wasn’t fucking all right. Cooper seized both her wrists and gripped them tightly, growling into her pretty face, ‘You listen to me, sweetheart. Don’t think about wandering off for even a second unless you want to be delivered straight to your daddy wrapped in a bow. From now on, you’re going to do everything I say, and I ain’t letting you out of my sight.’

_

Cooper. COOPER. Lucy thinks you can't get it up. What are you gonna do about that??

Read Chapter Three

[rocksibblingsau]

Do you have any headcanons for Funk Branch being an older brother to Prince D (maybe even Copper later on)? How would he react if Prince D ever asked about him leaving, not that I can really see him asking that

Branch is very reluctant to be a brother to D, especially an older brother. He's terrified that D will end up like he was, left alone and broken. It's because he's become a big brother though that he begins to unlearn his self-blame. There's nothing D could do that would make him hate him. If D did the same thing Branch did, if his singing led Bergens straight to Essence and Quincy, Branch still wouldn't blame him. When D makes mistakes he doesn't view D as flawed.

So why did he hold himself to those standards?

Branch is constantly worried about being a big brother and all the ways he's failing, but D thinks he's the best. His big brother Branch is a nerd and he loves him so much.

They joke about the height difference a lot, with D being 'The biggest little brother he's ever had'. You know that one meme 'why is the dog on the counter'/'he likes to feel tall'? I like the idea that when Branch needs to put his foot down/win an argument he stands on whatever surface will make him taller. I could also see him using the shoes the funk trolls wear in the movie. You know the ones that grew taller during the 'assemble the crew' bit? I don't think he'd wear them much, but he's making even less eye contact with people than he normally would because his neck starts to hurt from looking up.

Cooper it's a lot more of a friendship than a full brotherhood, though Cooper kind of goes all in on it. "I've got a twin and a big brother and I didn't even know it!" D likes messing with Branch and so when he and Cooper hang out he'll be like "Wanna see something funny? Pick up those scissors."

Cue Branch coming out to yell about safety as the two snicker.

Cooper also likes to try and throw Branch off by taking off his hat and asking Branch to guess which brother is which. He gets a very 'Oh, this is going to be so hard, you're so similar.' in reply before Branch just puts Cooper's hat back on him.

By leaving I assume you mean if D would ask Branch if he'd ever want to go back to live with Pop/his family? I think D might have asked ask a young kid before they bonded but as adults he wouldn't. Though if he did, Branch would tell him he already knows that he's home with the funk fam.

[tokoyamisstuff]

f! Reader | no warnings

They're all 100% meant to be girl dads. I can't explain why, it'd just be so cute. Literally the safest baby on earth.

Alucard

"I'd trade anything I have just for a child with your eyes."

Sis, that man is dead. 😭 I doubt even with his powers that's in his range of possibility.

No seriously, you'll probably voice your wish metaphorically, meaning it as a compliment, but it will throw him into a full blown existential crisis. He hates not being able to provide you with whatever you want, after all.

The suggestion alone wakes a desire in him that he never even thought about before. He'll secretly dwell in self-pity, fantasizing about what it'd be like.

At some point, he cannot bear that it'd stay a mere dream and suggest adoption.

Anderson

"Huh? *points to some orphans playing in the background* Don't we have enough already?"

Takes him a moment to understand the gravity of your words. Error. Brain stopped working.

Even if you're already long in a relationship/have been intimate with each other, he'll get adorably bashful at the thought. Is shocked how excited the thought of your belly growing round with his child makes him.

I don't think he's entirely opposed to the idea, but he honestly sees all of the orphans as his kids. There's already so many children without a family that need love and care out there, right?

Well, in the end the circumstances would easily allow it, and he's got enough experience. One more certainly won't hurt.

The Captain

...alright? Doesn't need to be told twice. He is the kind of guy that just goes along with everything his spouse says.

Not to sound indecent but he's a man on a mission, so prepare to be dragged into the next best place to fuck at any given time. Welp, that's how he found out he's got a breeding kink.

Gets even more clingy and openly affectionate than usual. Seriously, he can't wait until it finally happens, he might even be more thrilled than you are.

Walter

"My dear, you have no clue how much your words mean to me."

Delighted and overjoyed. It's been a great wish his entire life, but due to the course of his life he gave up on this naive hope years ago. To ever think he'd be given this chance, and with you of all people...he's truly blessed.

Would be prepared for every eventuality and literally carry you on his hands. You're used to being coddled by him, but this is some queen treatment right here.

His gratitude knows no limits. You'll forever be reminded of how much your family and your willingness to carry this child means to him.

Maxwell

"Wha- why? Am I not enough for you?"

Ugh. Children? He can barely tolerate dealing with people in general. Seriously, you should know him better than that.

Still, he's surprisingly cooperative. If you insist, guess it can't hurt as long as they turn out like you...

The closer the due-date however, the greater his panic and regret. Doesn't think he's cut out to be a father.

Definetly cries like a dog when holding his child for the first time. It's the most precious thing he's ever seen and he ends up being the most loving parent, thriving to give them everything he had lacked as a child himself.

Endlessly showers you in praise for gifting him this miracle, and having convinced him to the best decision of his life. This probably won't be the only child you'll have.

[goodolddumbbanana]

Tw: hate Puppet.

Okay, I will say something that makes Puppet and Eclipse show fans hate me.

The Puppet and Eclipse show has become really bland since Stichwarth arc over.

And I hate how they handle the Eclipse redemption arc now.

Let's talk about Puppet first. I used to love her, but now, all the feelings I have for her are annoying. She just has to touch everything, and force her way on anyone. She is like a Mary Sue, with her backstory and the way people have to do anything she wants, which it really ironically because she is some kinda God.

She said Eclipse is not the same person as he was before (Eclipse v1), but still when Solar died, she yelled and demanded him to find some way to fix or revive Solar.

She crashed in Eclipse's house, and pressed him into pressure to make him help her fix the thing with KC and Evil Puppet.

She stops him from doing what he wanted (getting the heck out of this dimension's craps) and scams him to sign some contracts, making him forcefully stay with her just because Monty and Foxy didn't want to do the show anymore.

I would like Eclipse's redemption arc more, but with the way Puppet literally forced her into making Eclipse redemption, really leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Because it is not by choice, because you have to be forced to redemption. Because you get everything that makes you, hold you dear, what builds you who you are shred off from you all due because people don't like what you are, so they turn and make you into something more easily to work with. You are not learning anything, you are just changing and you just keep this feeling of hopelessness through all this process, because you have never had a choice on the first place. They never like you. They only like the idea of you and what potentially who you can become...

And with Sun... Yeah, I know what you will say. Just another Sun fan who hates the world. So annoying~~~

But truthfully, Sun has been a butt joke of the show since day 1. He has been belittled, talked down, insulted, tortured or worse, ignored. He likes a trashcan that people keep throwing at because it is funny (which it is not)

PUPPET is All Seeing, but she keeps asking Sun to make a choice about... 'Oh well, let's kill your brother Sun, or you can choose not to, but it will make you a horrible person because that man will destroy everything on his road and everyone will get hurt, all because you don't want to do anything about him.'

She created an illusion of choice for Sun and has Foxy and Monty like lab dogs to do her bidding. What is the point of making Sun choose, when it ended up just for Puppet to do whatever hell she liked?

(Sun pointed that out too on the show, and ironically, people hated Sun for that because it makes him a coward.)

And then, she literally abandoned her son (Freddy) without saying goodbye to raise another son (FC) the one who seemingly she cares more than the one she abandoned.

And even in the newest dimension, I am not talking about Foxy, he just feels like blending with the background now.

Now they have to poke on the biggest hive, Sun and Moon.

I understand what Eclipse comes from, because well, he is always a piece of crap with Sun, but Puppet and Francis and literally anyone else? With the way Sunrise does not want to help and cooperate with Moondrop?

Even with the people outside the universe?

They all think Sun is a problem, or this Sunrise is a problem. Because guess what?

Sure Eclipse can be a misunderstood piss boy. Sure whatever horrible original Moon did can be taken as it is because of his Killcode, and Moon is just a baby who didn't do anything wrong.

But Sun... Sun... Sun needs to do everything right, or else he will be a selfish, cowardly, annoying, idiot...

Because you are just freshly born and you have this thing which is always making you in pain and you have no control or way to stop it. Because all the staff are assholes and these are freshly new friends (Puppet, Eclipse and Francis) keeps asking about the thing that causes you pain since day one and forces you and criticizes you about why you don't cooperate with it, why you don't be nicer with it like it is really easy for them to say. Because you can't control anything even your body, and now they want you to do it, for something that supposedly making your life a torture everyday, leading you even afraid of darkness or wanting to walk outside?

Fat chance. They don't understand, and you don't need them too. Because guess what, it is you the one who deals with consequences of that thing, not them.

I admit this Sunrise is selfish, because like I said before, it is not everyone this easily to forgive like our Sun.

But the way people belittled him (Puppet, Francis,...), forced him to change into Moon model, and express the disappointment when Sunrise doesn't like Moondrop?

Really reminds me of Eclipse v1.

They can sympathise with Eclipse, Eclipse can even sympathise and help Moondrop, but come to Sunrise? No...

Sunrise to Eclipse is just a dense parasite, Sunrise to Puppet and Francis are just a selfish brat.

And it is so sad, because I know where Eclipse comes from, he is just bitter and shit even though he is the one who is wrong but Puppet and Francis? I expect better from them.

And outside the show, this really makes people think it is what Sun, our Sun is like from day 1.

Which it didn't. Sun never knows about Moon's appearance, when Moon comes out, Moon is so angry that he literally tortured and made Sun's life into a living hell for a year. And Sun always wants a brother, Sun asks for a share and guess what Moon says: haha no.

It took Moon a long time to learn that Sun does not deserve to be tortured into his thick head. And When eclipse makes friends with Earth, I'm kinda uncomfortable but agree because this is not Eclipse v1.

But then he hopped into the new dimension and immediately inflected his trauma on Sun like Eclipse v1 used too? And with Puppet helps like she is Lunar v2? Haha, I hate that show now so much.

And this time, Eclipse is not even that hot. And Sun, has no one to rely on, which leaves the situation with a really bad taste.

Hope they do not make this Sunrise and antagonist, or puss over, else I would be very mad.

[naughtyneganjdm]

A Compromise - Chapter 21

Summary: Y/N attempts to make amends with her family after everything she put them through, but she's not sure she deserves there forgiveness. Especially when it comes to Negan.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), etc.

Warnings: Swearing, massive angst, smut, sadness, etc.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27834154/chapters/127977427

Notes: This is the second to last chapter of this story. I'm just really desperate to finish the stories that I have left that are open. Sorry it has taken me so long to finish this one.

Nothing was harder for Y/N than when she coached herself to walk up the sidewalk of the home she used to share with Negan and their children. After Shane pulled what he had at the apartment, Y/N hadn’t seen or talked to the children and Negan. Right now, she didn’t feel like she deserved to be around any of them. That night proved it to her.

Finally gaining the courage to knock on the door, she waited when the sound of the dogs barking inside of the house were heard. God, she hated to admit it, but she actually missed that. Even if she told herself not long ago that she hated it. It was something that was part of her everyday life and it was strange not having both Cooper and Oliver with her.

Once the door opened, Cooper pushed his way through the door to hop up toward her. Immediately the younger golden retriever started kissing at her face and a sigh filled the air, “Cooper! Get down. You’re not supposed to be doing that…”

“It’s okay,” Y/N assured lifting her stare to finally meet the familiar pair of green eyes before her. Suddenly the courage that Y/N had to come up to the home slipped her at the sight of the person before her. “Hey Sam.”

“Y/N…” Sam breathed folding her arms out in front of her chest while Y/N lowered down to see Cooper who was extremely happy with her presence. Once Oliver had heard the familiar tone of Y/N’s voice, he was eager to come in behind Sam to meet Y/N at the door. Pushing his way through, Oliver curled up against Y/N when she wrapped her arms around him to give him a big hug. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

“I know,” Y/N cleared her throat pressing a kiss over Oliver’s head happy to see that he was still doing good after the time she had been away. There was so much that was flooding through Y/N’s head but by the expression over Sam’s features she knew that Sam wasn’t happy with her. “Listen…I’m not sure what you know…”

“Dad didn’t want me to know anything,” Sam answered her with a slow nod, her young features getting more intense with her eyeing over Y/N. “But I’m not stupid. I’m not twelve years old anymore.”

“Even at twelve years old we would have never been able to hide anything from you Sam,” Y/N responded with a sigh, standing up slowly so she could face her stepdaughter. An unbearable ache settled in over the center of Y/N’s chest and she let out a long sigh. “I don’t really know what to say to you Sam.”

“What is there to say? You broke my dad’s heart and you pretty much traumatized NJ. I guess I should be thankful that I got through college before you decided to have your midlife crisis,” Sam stammered, tipping her head to the side when Y/N’s lips parted, but nothing came out. “I had your good years. So you don’t have to apologize to me.”

“I deserved that,” Y/N noted feeling the lump in her throat growing. Sam wasn’t wrong. She fucked up big time and she knew that. “I actually deserve worse.”

“I don’t even know what happened to you. The woman that I met and the woman that I know you are now…they aren’t even close to being the same,” Sam informed her stepping away from the doorframe when Cooper headed back into the house, but Oliver stayed attached at Y/N’s hip. “What happened to you Y/N?”

“I can’t explain it because there is no good excuse,” Y/N admitted with a loud swallow knowing that she had been questioning that same thing a lot lately. “I screwed up. Really bad.”

“That’s an understatement,” Sam agreed with Y/N noticing the way that Y/N could barely even look at her right now. “You know, you were about my age when you got with my dad. You had your whole life figured out by then. Most people don’t find the love of their life at the age you did. Someone who was willing to give them everything they wanted in life. I thought my dad getting with you was the best thing for him and I’m not sure someone has ever hurt him as much as you have.”

“You’re right,” Y/N agreed with Sam, not fighting her on what she knew was true. “I was lucky and I fucked up really bad. I lost sight of the things that were important in my life and I made the worst possible decisions that I ever could. You can’t make up for the things that I have done. But I regret every choice that I made that hurt your father and your little brother.”

“What are you doing here then?” Sam inquired throwing her hand up in the air, her green eyes visibly getting more upset when she threw her blonde hair back over her shoulder. Sam’s dimples grew in intensity and it was the same way it would get when Negan was upset. “Dad isn’t here right now. That’s why I’m here watching the children.”

“I was actually here hoping that Negan Junior would talk to me,” Y/N confessed in broken breaths hating to feel the way she did about things. At this point she wouldn’t blame NJ if he didn’t want to talk to her at all. “I wanted to see him and talk to him about some things.”

Pushing open the door, Sam waved her hand about motioning Y/N to come inside, “He’s in his room reading some of his comics. The girls are in the backyard trying to catch some fireflies which is where I’m meant to be right now. So if you want to talk to your son, you are going to find him in his room.”

“Could you bring him out here?” Y/N begged of Sam who immediately shook her head. “I don���t feel like I deserve to walk into that house after everything I’ve done to all of them.”

“If you want to make up for the things you’ve done, sometimes you have to face those fears and thoughts and just do what is right. Which is going to your son’s room and talking to him,” Sam suggested pushing open the door further and pointing in the direction of NJ’s room “I’m needed in the backyard. While I trust Isabella with Avery, they are still children and they shouldn’t be left to themselves around the pool. So if you want to talk to NJ, you’re going to have to come in.”

With a nod, Y/N’s heart skipped a beat at the center of her chest and she moved into the house. Oliver eagerly followed and Sam closed the door behind her, “I’ll be in the back with the girls if you need me.”

“Thanks Sam,” Y/N commented gathering her bearings enough to force herself up to NJ’s bedroom. She hated to admit it, but she felt horrible about everything and didn’t even know if she should be here right now trying to talk to anyone in the first place. Sam already made it clear how much damage she had done to the family from her mistakes. Pushing at the door to NJ’s room, she felt her throat tensing up at the sight of her son laying on his back reading his comics. His hair had grown out and his hazel eyes were heavily focused on the comic book. Once the door was open enough, Oliver pushed his way into the room and jumped onto the bed with NJ. A groan fell from her son’s throat before a laugh followed.

“How did you get in here?” NJ set the comic book aside and started to rub at the ears of Oliver who had crawled in over NJ’s chest to give him a hug. Looking toward the door, NJ’s smile slowly faded when his eyes locked with Y/N’s. “Mom?”

“Hey baby,” she spoke softly, her chest aching further watching the expression in his hazel eyes changing when he pushed up on his bed and Oliver adjusted appropriately. “Would it be okay if I sat with you buddy?”

“Yeah,” NJ adjusted on the bed, sitting up enough to make room for her and for Oliver to be next to him too. When Y/N moved beside him to take a seat, she set her bag down in front of her and could sense that NJ was uncomfortable with her sitting next to him. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” she informed her son with a shuddering breath, finding herself getting emotional as she sat beside him. “NJ, I haven’t been a good mother. I’ve been really terrible in fact. I got so caught up in the things that I thought I wanted in my life that I was ignoring all the things in my life that actually made life worth living.”

Tears were swelling up in NJ’s eyes while she sat beside him and he forced himself to look away from her as she took in a shuddering breath, “I know I’ve made a lot of horrible mistakes and I’ve done things that I can never make up for, but NJ...you are the best thing that ever happened to me. You and your sisters. I never thought I wanted to be a mother, but God, the first time I saw you I knew that I was wrong. You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life. And then when those doctors put you in my arms, everything felt right in that moment.”

A single tear slid down NJ’s face and she felt her voice tremoring while she spoke to her son, “I got lost. Your grandfather reminded me of all the things I wanted before I got with your father and I let that blind my judgement of what was right and what was wrong. You have been and you will always be more important than any job Negan Junior. I should have never missed those games or your birthday. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me forever and you never wanted to forgive me. When I was your age, I was so angry at my father and I turned out worse than he was.”

“I don’t hate you,” NJ whimpered, looking to his mother with his beautiful hazel eyes causing her lips to part and she let out a tremoring breath.

“I don’t deserve you forgiving me NJ. I hurt you. I said terrible, awful things,” she acknowledged to the things she had done in the past to her son hearing his breathing getting louder and he started to cry. “And I was wrong. I was horribly wrong and I want you to know that. You deserved a mother that was just like your father who is perfect by the way. Anything I ever said about him that was negative was so wrong. I should have never stopped being the mom that I was at first before I got that stupid job. There is so many wrong things that I did to you, your sisters and your dad. I screwed up kiddo and I am so deeply sorry.”

Shakily reaching her hand out, she caressed her fingertips in over the side of NJ’s face to sweep at the tears that were over his cheek, “I want you to know that I quit that job. I hated the person I became and it took you talking to me that night at the apartment to see exactly what I was doing wrong.”

Pausing, she felt her chest ache when she thought back to the words that NJ had said to her about wanting his mother back. The look in his eyes still haunted her to this day. There was so much pain and anguish in her young son’s eyes that night and she knew it was her fault and her fault alone.

“I miss the woman that I used to be too, but I don’t deserve you children or your father. I messed up so much that there are things that I will never be able to fix. But leaving that job was a start. I forgot why I wanted to be a lawyer in the first place. I thought I wanted to be successful, but being successful is not the most important thing in the world. You are. You are the most important thing and I am so sorry that I got lost along the way baby,” she spoke and there was a tremoring breath that fell from NJ’s throat showing that her words were making him exceptionally emotional.

“You quit your job?” NJ’s bottom lip quivered, his hand reaching up to place in over the back of Y/N’s while she touched his face. NJ’s hand was shaking, his eyes locked on hers when she nodded. “What are you going to do?”

“I talked to my old job and they were willing to take me back, but I stressed that I had to have a lighter schedule because I wanted to spend more time with my children,” she explained to NJ hearing his cries getting harder and she tipped her head to the side. “That’s if my children want to be near me after all I’ve done.”

“That’s all I ever wanted mom,” NJ admitted lowering his head and he let out a shuddering exhale. “I’ve always loved you and wanted you happy, I just missed you so much.”

“I know baby and I see that now,” she whispered reaching out to wrap her arm around NJ to urge him closer to her. A relieved breath fell from her throat when NJ allowed her to hug him tightly to her. Nuzzling her nose in against the top of his head, she let a kiss follow. Holding NJ tightly in her arms, she cherished the moment knowing that she questioned if she would ever have a moment like this again. “I am so sorry. The things I said to you…the things I did…I don’t know what I was thinking. I love you so much baby and I’m sorry that you thought I hated you. I was overwhelmed and I was putting the blame on people that you were never at fault for. You have always been the shining star in this family. You are my beautiful, perfect little boy and you are an amazing young man.”

“You mean that?” NJ pulled back enough for her to stroke her fingers through his longer, dark hair to brush it behind his ear.

“Every word,” she whispered knowing that she likely looked terrible herself with how she was crying but she didn’t care. “You have always been the best of me and your father. People could only dream of having a child as good as you. You’re such a good big brother and you are so talented. Your heart is so big and I know that.”

Pressing forward, she placed a faint kiss over his forehead and curled her fingers around the back of his neck, “I’m sorry I got lost about what made me really, genuinely happy NJ. I wish I could take it all back, but I know that I can’t. And I know that I will never be able to take back that pain that I gave you. I don’t deserve you forgiving me and I know that…”

“But we can try,” NJ pulled back, swallowing down loudly when he squeezed his fingers against hers. “If you really mean everything that you said.”

“I do,” she assured him bringing his slender hand up to pepper loving kisses over the back of it. “You mean everything to me NJ and if I can, I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” NJ whispered, his reddened eyes staring out at her when he looked down toward her hand holding his. “I just want you to be my mom again. You don’t have to make up for anything. I just want you in my life mom. I love you and that’s all this was ever about. I love you mom. I always did.”

There was so much she wanted to say, so much she should have said, but instead of saying them she just wrapped NJ back up in her arms tightly holding him lovingly. Stroking her fingers through NJ’s thick, dark hair she was thankful that he was such a sweet boy, “I want you to know that Shane is no longer in my life. After what he did that night, I kicked him out that day. No one touches my son like that and gets away with it. I’m sorry you were put in that position in the first place. It’s my fault that it happened and I should have never had Shane there to begin with.”

“Shane is gone?” NJ tipped his head up to look at her behind his long eyelashes. After she nodded, confusion flooded his features. “Then why have you been gone? We’ve been so worried about you and I didn’t know what to think.”

“Because I don’t deserve any of you NJ. After the things that I did…” she started to ramble on, but NJ immediately shook his head and grabbed a tight hold of her hands. “After everything I did, you all deserve better than me.”

“You’re our mom,” NJ reminded her with a bit of strength behind his tone. “It doesn’t matter what you think because we love you. We just want you in our lives. We all love you. And if I can forgive you…I know they can too.”

“I love you so much kiddo,” she whispered stroking her fingers through his dark hair feeling a large amount of weight being lifted from her chest hearing her son saying the things she felt like she never deserved to hear. “I’m not sure that I should be forgiven so easily.”

“It won’t be sudden, but if you really mean everything you say, then I’m willing to try,” NJ reminded her giving her hands a firm squeeze. “You’re my mother and the only thing I ever wanted was to be close to you again mom. I miss us.”

“I miss us too,” she cried hating that she ever let it get this bad to begin with. Pulling one of her hands away, she motioned him to wait and then reached for her bag that she had brought with her. Grabbing what she had brought for NJ, she held it out for him seeing his hazel eyes gazing it over. “I bought you this. At my old job, we had a client that was a professional baseball player and I talked to him about you. I told him that my son wanted to be a professional and he told me that this was the kind of glove to get you. Also told me that if I was interested, he would be willing to put you into one of his programs where he helps children like you that want to make it big.”

“I thought you didn’t want me to be a baseball player,” NJ reminded her of the things that she had said previously and she shook her head immediately.

“Negan Junior, I want you to be whatever you want to be because I know if you put your mind to it, you are capable of anything,” she lowered the glove down to stare out at her son with sincerity in her eyes. “If you want to be a baseball player, I am going to support you every step of the way. I know you’re capable of it and I want you to be happy. I promise you, I will never be disappointed in whatever you decide in your life because I just want you happy NJ.”

“Thanks mom,” NJ accepted the glove looking over it and he let out a shuddering breath. “You need to see the girls. They have wanted to see you.”

Setting the glove aside, NJ hooked his fingers with hers and led her to his door. Oliver followed them not far behind as she followed him toward the backdoor where the girls were playing with Sam. Once Isabella spotted Y/N, she immediately set the jar down that she had and ran out to where she was standing with NJ.

“Mommy,” Isabella called out and lowering down, Y/N allowed her to run into her arms for a big hug. Squeezing her tightly in her arms, Y/N saw the way that Avery headed over toward the group of them with her little legs making Y/N smile. Hooking her other arm around Avery, she squeezed them both in tighter to her. Kissing the sides of their faces, she felt emotional with how eager they all were to have her near. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too baby,” Y/N muttered noticing the look that Sam was giving them when she approached them. “I’m so sorry that mommy has been away for so long. I promise I’ll try to be here more for all of you.”

“I wish daddy was here too, he misses you so much,” Isabella alerted her mother and a nervous breath fell from Y/N’s throat. “You are going to be around more?”

“I hope so,” Y/N confessed with a loud swallow. “As long as it is okay with your father.”

After talking to the children a little longer, Y/N knew that she was likely overstaying her welcome and she had said goodbye to the children who weren’t exactly eager to say goodbye to her. When she headed for the door with Sam while NJ stayed in the back with the girls, she reached for something that she brought with her that was in her jacket and held them out to Sam.

“Would you give these to Negan, please?” Y/N saw Sam eyeing over the papers and Sam let out a disgusted breath when she realized what they were. “Please.”

“You’re still trying to divorce my dad?” Sam inquired, her eyebrow arching up in curiosity and a disgusted breath fell from her throat. “After all of that? You still want to divorce dad?”

“I don’t deserve your father after the shit that I pulled Sam,” she declared with a hurt sound looking to the papers that were in her hands. “Your dad deserves better than me. You know that. I know that.”

“All he wants is you though,” Sam pointed out with a huff, her eyes narrowing while she looked to the papers again. “Do you even realize what today is? What day it is? He’s where he has been every day on this day for the last twelve years.”

“I don’t…” Y/N thought about what Sam was saying causing her to let out a shuddering breath when she thought about what day it actually was. “He’s there?”

“Of course he’s there. Because regardless of what you’ve done, he still loves the hell out of you,” Sam insisted with a huff, pushing the papers in closer to Y/N in a polite enough manner. “I won’t give those to him. If you want him to still sign those, you take those to him yourself. Because I won’t be the one to break his heart and I don’t deserve that either Y/N. Dad deserves better than that. It’s not fair to put that kind of thing on my shoulders.”

“I doubt the thing he wants to see tonight is me,” she pushed and Sam shrugged her shoulders.

“I highly doubt that. You’re probably the thing he wants to see the most tonight,” Sam shook her head pointing toward the door. “I’m sure if you make it in time, you can catch him before you have to wait for a long time.”

Putting the papers back where she had pulled them out of, Y/N went to leave before stopping and looking back at Sam, “I’m sorry Sam.”

“Y/N, you never hurt me,” Sam pointed out with a sigh, her expression softening when she stood before her. “You were the best stepmother I could have asked for. I don’t like seeing that you hurt dad and NJ, but you were always good to me. I think I turned out so good because I had four loving, amazing parents. I think you have to remember the woman you were because she was pretty damn good. And I love her…a lot.”

There was a sinking feeling in her chest when Sam stepped forward to wrap her arms around Y/N to give her a big hug and Y/N eagerly accepted the gesture, “I know the woman that raised me is still in there. And she’s fully capable of making things better. If she just tries. But if you want to see Negan, you have to probably leave now.”

Saying her goodbyes, Y/N sat in the car for a moment debating if she should really go to see Negan after Sam told her where he was. Even against her better judgement she drove to the area that she knew Negan would be and like every year before when she got out of the car, she saw the hot air balloon at the center of the large field. It was the anniversary of the first time they had slept together. Negan would always come back to this place to celebrate the relationship that they shared together. Rain or shine. And on the good days, he would always do an air balloon ride like they did that first night.

Walking quickly toward the hot air balloon, she could see that they were about ready to leave. In the distance, she could see that Negan was already inside of the basket, his arms folded in front of his chest and his head lowered. He looked sad. And she knew why. Even if she knew the last thing he needed tonight was her, she headed for the hot air balloon and when she got there, she curled her fingers around the basket edge. Immediately, Negan’s eyes lifted, surprise filling them when he saw her standing there. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Negan repeated, his arms lowering down at his side, stepping forward toward her.

“We need to talk,” she whispered. Yeah, that was vague, but it was true.

“We’re about to take off,” the man running the air balloon informed her looking toward the controls. “You either have to get in or you are going to have to wait.”

“Can’t you hold off?” she begged seeing the man shaking his head and when the basket started to lift from the ground she tried to pull herself in. Before she could slip, she felt Negan helping her into the basket causing her to fall in against his chest. Allowing her to gather herself, Negan’s long eyelashes fluttered when she lifted her eyes to his. “You’re still doing this?”

“Of course I am. Today is a special day for me, even if it no longer means anything to you,” Negan informed her watching the way that she looked over the side of the basket to see the further they were getting away from the ground. Involuntarily she cuddled herself further into his arms showing that she was still uncomfortable going in the hot air balloon after all these years. Deep down, he didn’t hate it though. It had been so long since he had her in his arms like this. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s complicated,” Y/N responded noticing that she was clinging onto Negan like she wouldn’t let go and she knew it was inappropriate. Stepping back and away from Negan, she had a hard time looking him in the eye considering everything that had taken place. “I went to see Negan Junior to apologize. I wanted to talk to him and Sam told me you were here.”

“And how did things go with NJ?” Negan inquired, folding his arms out in front of his chest again. Everything felt awkward and this was definitely a strange conversation to be having in this situation.

“They were good,” she didn’t know what she should and should not say, but Negan was their father so she knew he deserved to hear everything. “I was being a really bad mom. I know that. I admitted that. I told him that I was sorry and I wanted to start trying to build our relationship again. That is…if you’re okay with it since you are their primary parent.”

“Of course I’m okay with you being around our children,” Negan reminded her, shrugging his shoulders like it was silly for her to even ask something like that. “I don’t even know why you would ask me that.”

“Negan, I’ve fucked up really bad,” she reminded him of all the mistakes she had been making lately. “I know what I’ve done and we don’t have to pretend like I’ve been a good mother. Wife. Or person even in that matter.”

“We all make mistakes,” Negan spoke in a whisper and she shook her head.

“Not this bad,” she denied to believe that everyone made the kind of mistakes that she made over the last few years. “I told NJ that I quit my job. It wasn’t working with the schedule I know I’m going to need to be around my children. I contacted my old job and told them I just need a lighter schedule so I can be with my children.”

“You quit your job?” Negan’s arms dropped at his side, shock flooding his features. “No one expected you to do that Y/N. I don’t think you needed to quit your job for NJ to forgive you. That was the career of your dreams.”

“That was a bad dream,” she insisted with a half laugh, lowering her eyes to stare down at their feet. “Any job that keeps me away from my children during the most important points in their life is not the job for me. I don’t care if I was a partner. I don’t care if my father gets angry with me. I need to be there for my children growing up. They deserve the mother that I used to be, not the piece of shit that I became.”

“Y/N,” Negan didn’t know what to say and she could see that his eyes were tearing over hearing the words that she had just said. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything at all,” she suggested with a sigh knowing that the man controlling the air balloon likely felt uncomfortable with her mouth vomiting everything that she was. “I realized that I hated the woman that I had become. I actually used to like me and then something changed. I should have never allowed that change to happen because I lost the things that were the most important to me. And that was all my fault.”

“You never lost any of us,” Negan corrected her, his Adam’s apple bouncing in this throat. Staring out at him, Y/N noticed that Negan looked tired. It made her wonder how well he was sleeping and more than anything she wanted to touch him right now but she knew that she couldn’t. “We were always there waiting for you.”

“After what I did, I don’t deserve any of that Negan,” she pushed her feelings on the whole thing and he threw his hands up in the air.

“Well, you can’t help it when you love someone the way that we love you,” Negan pushed the subject further, his thick eyebrows bouncing up when he spoke. “Things haven’t been the same without you at home and I know the children miss you. I miss you.”

“You deserve better than me Negan,” she whispered and it made him roll his eyes. Shoving his hands into his pockets, Negan gave her a certain look that she knew was him being disappointed with what she said. “You do.”

“I’ve loved two people in my life. Lucille and you…” Negan reminded her of how he felt, his deep, raspy voice making a chill flood her spine. “I know how things have been and I understand you feeling the way that you do, but I promised you as long as we were both still on this world you were always going to have my heart. Always.”

“You’re too good for me,” she felt herself getting emotional over what he was saying. “You’ve always been too good for me.”

“I’ve obviously made some mistakes,” Negan pushed letting out a long, extended exhale. “I promise I will try to be better. I know that I’m boring and…”

“No. No. Don’t do that. What I said was so wrong. You’re not boring. In fact, you are the most amazing, interesting man that I know,” she hushed him, throwing her hands up not wanting to hear him attacking himself personally over the things that she said in the past. “I miss your flowers and your daily notes. I wake up every morning expecting to see them and then I remember all over again how badly I messed up.”

There were tears burning at her eyes and she knew that they shouldn’t have been having this discussion in front of a stranger, “I miss coming home and seeing all of the kids sleeping on top of you like it’s a puppy pile up because they love you so much. There has never been anything wrong with the man that you are. I’ve loved you whether you were smoking or not. Whether you are gray or not. Whether you’re wearing leather or sweatpants. Everything about you is perfect. Everything. And I have always known that. You are the sweetest man I’ve ever known. You are the best father and the best husband. You are the sexiest man I’ve ever known. Don’t ever question who you are…you’re everything anyone could want and more.”

Sucking at his bottom lip, Negan was trying to hold his emotions in and his dimples sucked in when he looked down toward their feet. A shuddering exhale fell from his throat when she let out a hesitant sound, “To be honest, the sweatpants do look really nice on you. When we were together, they would always turn me on when you wore them because the bulge they always gave you…”

The man that was with them choked making Negan involuntarily laugh and he lifted his head to stare out at her with amusement. “I’m sorry, you fill out sweatpants very nicely and I like the way they look. I know it’s inappropriate, but it had to be said.”

“Thanks,” Negan spoke with an innocent nod, his cheeks flushing over and he pushed his hands further into his pockets. “I’m wearing jeans tonight though.”

“And you look good in those too,” she commented causing the man that was with them to turn his head to try to stop himself from looking and she snickered. “Truth is Negan, there is nothing about you to hate. I’m the one that has problems. I’m the jealous one. I’m the stupid one. I’m the one that had perfection in front of me and I let it slip through my fingers.”

“You are such a silly woman,” Negan muttered with a shake of his head, pulling one of his hands out of his pockets. Placing it over the center of his chest, Negan’s voice was broken as he spoke. “You have held my heart in your hand from the beginning and you still have it firmly grasped. As long as I’m fucking breathing, my heart will only belong to you Y/N.”

Stepping forward, Negan’s rough hands cupped her face and he tipped her head back so she could look up at him. At this point she was crying and he stroked his thumbs over her flesh, “I love you so fucking much and I always will.”

Claiming her lips in an extended passionate kiss, Negan hoped to show her all of the emotions and love he had behind the kiss. Over and over again they shared that kiss with his hand sliding down from the side of her neck over her shoulders and down the side of her body to rest it at her hip. Their breathing grew louder with every kiss they shared until the man controlling the hot air balloon cleared his throat.

“I think I’ll end the flight a little sooner than planned so the two of you can have some time together,” he offered causing Negan to snicker while Negan’s nose nuzzled against hers and the sensation of his fingers sweeping over the back of her neck made her sigh.

“Take your time,” Negan instructed hearing her panting against the side of his neck. The man tipped his head to the side before continuing with what he was doing in minding his business. Giving Y/N another loving kiss, Negan swept his thumb in over her jawline. It looked like there was so much that Y/N wanted to say, but instead of allowing her the chance, Negan turned her in his arms to have her face outward to stare out at the world around them. Hooking his arms tightly around her, he held her close to him like he had done the first time they went up in one of these things.

Sliding her hands down, she hooked her fingers with Negan’s and closed her eyes tightly when the warmth of his breath pressed in over the side of her neck. Exhaling loudly, she wish she could go back to then and have a redo with things because she fucked things up so bad.

“Shane is gone. I threw him out the day that you came to pick up the kids,” she informed Negan leaning in closer to him with the way that his short beard tickled at her flesh. “I should have never brought that man into my life in the first place. I’m so sorry that I did Negan.”

“Stop apologizing right now,” Negan hushed her, depositing a faint kiss at her jawline noticing the way that she tremored in his arms. “For the first time in a very long time, take some time for yourself to relax.”

“I’ve just done so much wrong and I feel like a lot needs to be said,” she explained to him leaning further back against his chest. It had been so long since she last had Negan hold onto her like this. Her body yearned for it and she knew that she shouldn’t have wanted it as much as she did. “Plus, I was never very good at relaxing up here.”

“Touché,” Negan chuckled at the side of her neck agreeing with her in that sense. Every year since their first ride together they would always come back to this spot and every single time they were back on the ground she was always thankful for it. “It’s a nice night, no wind and we should enjoy this moment. I can’t remember the last time it was just the two of us being able to enjoy silence.”

Nodding, she slid her hands down in over Negan’s and hooked her fingers with his. Silence was not really something that she was used to at all. It was going to take a lot of getting used to after she left her job. There were so many things that she kept thinking about. What she should say. What she didn’t deserve in terms of being with Negan. Every negative thing she had done in her life was spiraling in her head and she hated that she let it get to this, but she knew she was a terrible person. There was no way that Negan and the children should have been accepting of having her back in their lives. If anything she had to work for it, but she wondered if it was too late for that.

Exhaling loudly, she felt Negan cuddling his face in next to hers and the warmth of him surrounded her. It was nice compared to the chill that surrounded them in the night air. Even if the heights always scared her, Negan was right. It was beautiful up here. Everything was so serene and it always put the world into perspective for her. Compared to the rest of the world she was so small.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Negan whispered causing a chill to flood her spine. “I don’t think this would have had the same effect if you weren’t here. This is where you are meant to be.”

“Negan…” she frowned knowing that this is where she wanted to be. Where she should have been all along, but there was no reason for Negan to forgive her as easily as he had.

For most of the trip they stayed quiet. It was likely awkward in general from the conversation she had with Negan earlier for the person flying the hot air balloon. So because of that the silence was comforting. Once they finally finished their trip, Negan got out first and helped her out. He spoke with the man before reaching for her hand and leading her to the same area they had stayed together the first time. His car was up on the hill and she felt her throat go dry.

“Negan,” she muttered his name watching him set up a blanket before starting up a fire for them. “I’m not sure you want to have me here with you like this.”

“There is nothing I want more,” Negan sat back on the blanket and pat the area beside him. His dark eyes were hooked on hers and she cautiously lowered down beside him after taking her jacket off and setting it aside. “The sky is pretty clear today which means we will be able to see a lot of the stars,” Negan laid back staring up at the sky. It was amazing how he found awe in so much. “Isabella told me the other day that she wants to be an astronaut.”

“I’m sure your fascination with space helps her have that opinion,” she admitted lying down beside Negan enjoying having him near. “So we’re going to have a baseball player and an astronaut. What do you think Avery will be?”

“A food critic,” Negan joked, a snort following when he turned to stare out at her. “That little one spits more food out on me than the other two combined did. She has a specific taste and if she doesn’t like something, she lets it be known. The restaurants will hate her.”

It was cute hearing that assumption from Negan, but it made her realize she really didn’t even know Avery that well. Which was awful since Avery was her daughter. She was around Negan Junior and Isabella in their younger years, but Avery she was very detached from.

“I missed out on so much,” she noted hating to admit it, but it was true. “I barely know our little girl Negan. And with the other two, I just checked out completely.”

“There is time to learn,” Negan suggested, turning on his side and balancing his weight on his arm while he looked her over “Avery came at a rough time, but she’s still young. She won’t know.”

“But Isabella and Negan Junior always will,” she commented, her eyes looking sad when Negan outstretched his free hand to trace over the side of her face with his rough fingertips. In the past his comforting her would have made her feel better, but tonight it didn’t. “I hurt Negan Junior really bad. He can say that he forgives me, but what I did…that’s going to stick with him the rest of his life. And you know that.”

“But you still have time to make up for what happened. Allow the good to overwrite the bad,” Negan suggested and she knew that wasn’t true. The bad was always the things that stood out the most in life. No matter how much good was done.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” she pointed out knowing that she had been so work coded over the last few years that she would have to work on the mother part of her again. “I wish I could just go back and change everything. Make new choices, but that’s too late.”

“We’ve all done something we regret,” Negan claimed with a shake of his head. “We can spend a whole lot of time going on about my mistakes in the past. I’ve made big ones. We both know that.”

“But when it mattered, you showed up. You’ve been an incredible father and husband…I failed as a mother,” she hated to be the person to admit all the awful things she did, but she did them. There was no erasing them, she had to face them. “I can’t even picture the pain that I put you and the kids through Negan and it hurts me to think of what I did. I never wanted to be like my father and I think I was worse than my father.”

“Your father never changed, but you have already attempted to make that change Y/N,” Negan assured her, sweeping his fingers underneath her jawline to get her to stare out at him. “You want to change. That’s something your father never did.”

“But it still happened,” she kept her foot down not wanting him to give her the benefit of the doubt. “You can’t just forgive me for the things that I did like they never happened Negan.”

“I didn’t say I was just going to forgive you,” Negan replied back with a frown, his hazel eyes shifting a bit when he thought of what to say next. “I just know how I feel without you in my life and I’m willing to work on things. I’m willing to work on us.”

There was that urge to continue to bicker with Negan about things, but the way he was staring out at her made a breath catch in her throat. Leaning in, Negan’s lips brushed over hers. With the sweet, sweeping sensation it made her eyes flutter to a close. It was hard to deny the kisses from the man she had grown fond of for so long. Sliding in closer to Negan, her hand settled in over his side and she felt his kisses tampering off over her jawline and toward her neck.

“I love you so much,” Negan breathed against the side of her neck, nibbling faintly at her heated flesh. “My heart has and still will always belong to you Y/N.”

With everything that he was saying, it took her right back to the first day they ever spent here. This was the same spot that they had sex the first time. And Negan was just as perfect now as he was then. Crawling in over Negan had him pressing up on his hands so that she could continue to kiss him. Stroking her palms in over the sides of his face, she found comfort in being this close to him again. Nuzzling her nose in against his, she felt her body tremoring with the warmth of his breath lingering over her lips.

Bracing his weight on his right hand, Negan reached up with his left hand to trace over the side of her face. There was still so much love in his eyes for her while he stared up at her and she knew that she didn’t deserve it.

“I love you Negan,” she breathed out, her words vibrating against his lips and it made him smile when she said it. Stroking her fingers through his thick hair, she leaned back enough to look him over and felt a lump growing at the center of her throat. “You never broke your promises. I just turned into a terrible person.”

“You got lost,” Negan responded, his thumb drawing out over her bottom lip. Lifting up enough, Negan pressed a delicate kiss over her bottom lip and he made her eyes come to a tight close. “But in this life, I want no one else. I just want you Y/N. Only you.”

Hearing him say those words, she believed it. There was something in the way that he looked at her, that he always looked at her that made her know that Negan loved her. Capturing his lips in another loving kiss, her hands reached down to press up underneath the material of his t-shirt. Palming down over the planes of Negan’s abdomen, she teased her fingers through the curls of hair that covered his flesh and heard his breathing grow louder. Tugging at his shirt, she moved back enough to help Negan pull it from his body and toss it beside them. Immediately, she lowered down to press kisses over his shoulders where his freckles were. At the same time, his hands were pressing up and under the back of the shirt she was wearing. Just the sensation of his rough fingertips over her flesh had her heart fluttering in her chest. Chills were flooding her veins with Negan nibbling at her bottom lip before brushing his tongue between her lips.

“Up,” Negan breathed against her mouth when he grabbed a hold of her shirt to help her pull it from her body. Once her flesh was revealed to him, he leaned forward to kiss down over the side of her neck toward her collarbone. Gradually his fingers skimmed up over the lengths of her back toward the back of her bra. Unhooking the material carefully, Negan managed to get it from her arms and tossed the material with their shirts that were beside them. Tipping his head back, Negan’s eyes connected with hers. At first, his hands started at her sides and slid up them unhurriedly. Tremoring against his touch, she felt his hands sliding up over the front of her abdomen before palming at the bottom of her breasts. Cupping them tenderly in his large hands, Negan watched her reaction to being touched by him and when she whimpered it made him smile. God, those dimples always got her. “You are still the most beautiful fucking woman I’ve ever seen.”

With his thumbs sweeping out over her nipples, it had her purring out and it gave him the courage to lean forward to press wet kisses between the valley of her breasts. Pressing his kisses over her breast, Negan took his time knowing that he wanted to draw this out for her. When his lips covered her nipple, it had her tossing her head back with her fingers hooking into his hair. Circling his tongue over the taut nub, Negan sucked faintly at the flesh and then turned his attention to the other breast working to pamper her body equally.

Pulling on his hair, she managed to get him to look up at her. His lips were wet, his breathing loud when he dragged his tongue out over his bottom lip. Moving back in, she brought their lips back together in a heated kiss where Negan wrapped his arms around her tightly to bring them close together. Dropping her hands down between them, she worked to undo Negan’s belt hearing him groaning against her flesh. Stealing a look between them allowed Negan to kiss down over her jawline and over her neck while she undid the button in his pants and pulled at the zipper. Lifting up enough, she managed to tug the material of his pants and his boxer briefs from his body to get them down to his thighs. Negan’s erection was rigid, resting against his lower abdomen causing her throat to go dry. Wetting her lips, she wrapped her fingers around his length taking her time to caress over his distended flesh.

“The way you look at me still gives me the most addictive feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life,” she whispered, her lips hovering in over his while she continued to touch him. It made his eyelashes flutter to a close, a muscle in his jaw flexing. Peppering faint kisses over his lips, she gave him one final touch before getting up from his lap. Undoing her pants while she stood before him had him looking up at her with desperation. The way he looked at her would have anyone swooning at the sight of him. Finishing getting the rest of her clothing off, she felt nervous being naked around him for the first time in a very long time. Once she calmed herself, she moved careful enough to lower back down over him. Her lips hovered over his while she reached down to grab a hold of his length. Leading it to her entrance, she took her time to tease him with the idea while she kissed him. Negan’s arms were hooked tightly around her wanting to keep her close while they got reacquainted with one another. By the time she finally did lower down in over him, it had Negan moaning against her flesh and she clung tightly to him. “You are perfect in every way.”

“I love you so much,” Negan slurred, nibbling at her jawline with his hands settling at her hips to help her movements over him. Pressing her forehead to Negan’s, they breathed in unison while she moved unhurriedly over him. It had been a long time since she really made love to Negan, so she was going to take in everything that she could.

From the way he was looking at her, to the way he was touching her, it was making her feel incredibly loved and he was the only one that ever was capable of doing that. Adjusting her position over Negan, she rolled her hips over him allowing him to fill her fully causing him to moan out in a raspy rumble.

“I love you,” Negan breathed out against her lips between kisses, his tongue dragging out across the inside of her bottom lip. Crying out, she curled her fingers into his hair and quickened her movements over him. Warmth pooled at her stomach with him hitting all the right spots inside of her. Closing her eyes, she clung tightly to him and felt a rush to her head. Pulling her hips away from him had her crying out while Negan’s growl vibrated against the side of her neck. Gasping out, she felt Negan rolling her over onto her back. Carefully lowering himself between her thighs, Negan braced his weight on his arms and laid over her.

“I love you too,” she responded while he brushed her hair away from her face. Tipping her head back, she cried out when Negan filled her again. His thrusts were slow, drawn out and perfect while he made love to her underneath the stars much like he did the first time they slept together. When his moans grew more frequent, she clung tightly to him wanting to have him near her when he reached his release inside of her. Neither one of them were desperate to pull away from the other. Negan just laid in over her while she stroked her fingers over the back of his neck playing with the small curls of hair that were there. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”

Pulling back just enough to stare down at her, Negan smirked and nuzzled his nose in against hers, “I forgive you.”

Hearing that made her chest hurt. There was no world where she deserved his forgiveness. Not that easy. Not when she didn’t work to earn it back. For a while they just laid like that and she cherished it. Hell, it felt perfect and she couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else in the world right now.

When Negan did finally move, he laid in beside her and wrapped her up in his arms. Easily Negan had fallen asleep and it made her wonder how many nights of sleep he lost because of her. Watching him sleep broke her heart. It made her think of how much she had missed out on over the last few years. Even more so over the last few months. The pain she put Negan through had to be extremely significant. Yet here he was willing to take her back with open arms. It almost didn’t seem right.

Eventually she had fallen asleep in the middle of the night in his arms and woke up to the sensation of him moving out from underneath her. Fluttering her eyes to an open, she watched Negan reach for his pants that were on the ground. Slowly her eyes adjusted to the small amount of sunlight that was surrounding them from the morning.

“Hey,” Negan looked over his shoulder at her after her breathing alerted him that she was awake. Turning around Negan faced her and she couldn’t help but chuckle to herself when Negan tipped his head to the side. “What?”

“I just missed waking up to all of that,” she pointed out making Negan snicker and look down at himself. “It’s a nice sight.”

“Does that mean you’re ready for another round?” Negan teased reaching down to stroke over his body a few times causing her to laugh out and drop her head back against the blankets. “I can get him fully hard if that’s what you’re asking for.”

“I think we should probably figure things out first,” she looked over to Negan playing with himself and she couldn’t help but laugh at his antics. “You’re still a goof.”

“I can be,” he agreed with her, his nose wrinkling in amusement when he started to work his pants back over his legs. Adjusting his body, he pulled them together and zipped them up. “I was thinking we could pack up and go get breakfast together. Sam texted me that she was spending the night with the kids so we have a few more hours.”

Negan reached for her clothes in attempts to get her dressed and let out a surprised sound when something fell from the jacket that she had deposited last night when they laid down together. Reaching for it, he let out a tense breath when he saw that it was their divorce papers. Looking back over his shoulder at Y/N, he watched the color drain from her face when she sat up carefully on the blankets.

“Why do you have these?” Negan wondered, his eyebrow arching in curiosity while she cleared her throat. “Did you bring these here last night with the intentions of having me sign them?”

“It’s complicated,” she breathed out slow and it made the happiness that was plastered over his features when he woke up disappear. “Yes, I thought you should sign them yesterday.”

“Why? Why would you think that after talking about wanting to change things for the better?” Negan waved the papers about and she lowered her head down. “I thought you wanted to fix things with us. Why would you bring these?”

“I don’t deserve you Negan,” she reminded him, getting up from where she was seated to reach for her clothes to put them on haphazardly while Negan stood before her in just his pants. “You should have realized that a very long time ago.”

“I don’t care what you think I deserve and don’t deserve,” Negan stressed, his eyebrows furrowing when he clasped tightly to the papers that were in his hands. “I want to be with you. I told you that I forgave you for everything.”

“It shouldn’t be that easy Negan. I’ve done nothing to earn that trust back,” she reasoned with him and she could see that his face was turning red. “One day you are going to realize the mistakes that I made were too big to heal and you’re going to be stuck with me.”

“I would never think that,” Negan tossed the papers down on the rest of his clothes that were still there. “I think if you are worried, we should just go to a therapist. Talk things out. Work out our marriage. That way it would make things feel right again.”

“You are too good for me,” she stressed, placing her hand over the center of his chest when he went to kiss her and she felt tears burning at her eyes. “You really should sign the papers Negan.”

“I don’t want to,” Negan shook his head, his tone extremely upset that she was even suggesting that to him. “After last night, I think it was more than enough proof why I shouldn’t sign the papers. We have a second chance at our relationship.”

“That’s the thing Negan, it’s not a second chance. It’s more like the hundredth chance for me,” she declared with a frown, pulling herself away from him and she shrugged her shoulders. “I love you. So much.”

“Then that tells you I shouldn’t sign those fucking papers,” Negan snapped, his jaw clenching in frustration.

“I love you enough to know that you deserve better than me,” she stressed, a single tear sliding down the side of her face. “Which is why I think we do need to go forward with the divorce. Not because I don’t love you. Not because you aren’t perfect, because you are the most amazing man I’ve ever known, but because I will only bring you down Negan. I’ve brought you down from the moment that we got married. You are this amazingly beautiful man, inside and out. I had you questioning that. I don’t think we ever belonged together Negan. I put you through hell for so long.”

“Hell for me is life without you,” Negan stressed, his bottom lip quivering when she looked to him again. “I want to be with you.”

“Then make me work for it,” she suggested, her throat tensing when Negan let out a hurt sound. “Allow me this. That way I can work to earn back your love.”

“You never lost my love,” Negan snarled, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “You can work it out married to me. We don’t need to get divorced for you to earn back my love because my love is still there.”

“I’m telling you Negan, I don’t think things will be able to be fixed unless you give me this,” she blurt out and it confused Negan to hear her talking like that. Snatching his shirt from the ground, he pulled it back in over his body and worked to pull it down. “I need this.”

“You want this? You really want this? It’s the only way for you?” Negan questioned with a hurt sound seeing her nod her head once. “I thought you said you loved me.”

“I do,” she explained with a broken breath. They were both crying at this point and she shrugged her shoulders. “It’s just this needs to be done or I will never be able to forgive myself for things. The things I did to both you and the kids…”

“You truly believe that? That’s the thing that is going to make you happy?” Negan wondered and she nodded her head. Letting out an upset breath, Negan reached for the papers. Staring down at the divorce papers, he saw that there was a pen that had fallen out of her jacket as well. Picking up the pen, he gave her one final look and bit down on his bottom lip. Flipping through the papers, he stopped where he was meant to sign his name. A tremoring breath fell from her lips when Negan signed the papers and tossed the pen aside. Stepping before her, Negan held them out and watched her shakily reach out for them. When she grabbed them, Negan stood before her, his eyes narrowing when his breathing grew louder. “I hope you’re happy.”

“Negan,” she muttered his name when he stormed off toward his car. Watching him get in, she could tell that he was upset and she stood at that hill. Frozen, she didn’t know what to do other than watch him drive away. It was the thing she wanted for a while, but now that he had done it, she felt like she was broken and wondered if it was something that she would be able to ever fix between them.

----

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[bomberqueen17]

lose not a moment

I have hit upon the novel idea of listening to audiobooks for my long car rides and tedious solo work sessions, since i can't follow or understand podcasts. I can't really follow audiobooks either, historically, but if I listen to a book I've read before, I've had decent success at still following it. I exhausted the meager supplies of the Buffalo library, however, which while it has a substantial physical collection, is shockingly lacking in all digital options, and the audiobook selection is downright threadbare.

I started with Murderbot, which being both familiar and novellas, was very accessible. Kevin R. Free is a great narrator, but i am occasionally perturbed by one particular turn of phrase I now can't recall, but which Wells is fond of using, and Free mispronounces every time. i can't remember but it's some homonym, like using the wrong pronunciation of "read", which makes the admittedly slightly-nonstandard phrase nonsense. I genuinely can't recall what it is. Anyway this is small potatoes, and I do recommend them if you like audiobooks.

I moved on to a Lord Peter Wimsey book, because it was short. I'd only read the one, the first one, which has a sort of sickening antisemitism but it's like...... part of the setting, and is not really borne out by the plot. (The murder victim is a Jewish man, and there's all kinds of horrible shit said by all kinds of characters, some of whom are meant to be sympathetic, but all we are shown of the man himself is that he was actually a pretty good dude and our POV characters are heartily sorry for his fate. But his Jewishness is part of the motive, his defeated romantic rival being so horribly put-out by having lost to a Jew; and it's part of how the plot is unraveled, an unwitting witness later commenting about that dead [slur for Jew-- actually an archaic slur i'd never even heard before but obvious from context, so i guess at least it's not one of the gratingly familiar ones but it's obvious what it is] he'd seen, which is proof of the corpse's identity even after he can no longer be visually identified due to various events. Ugh. It's not that the book's not worth reading, it's clearly meant to be part of the setting and is absolutely faithful to the period, contemporary with which it was written, but boy it is really gross to kind of slog through that.)

I detoured to listen to the Dark is Rising series by Susan Cooper, which I had read and loved as a child but remembered only poorly. It was well-read, and the narrator had notably excellent Welsh, which was gratifying as my child-self had really puzzled over some of the place names in the third book and beyond. (I had certainly never pronounced the dog Cafall's name correctly, despite having read the pronunciation guide assiduously.) But it was soon over.

Anyway after that I hit upon the idea of listening to the audiobooks of Patrick O'Brian's series about Jack Aubrey and Stephen Maturin, which I read voraciously when I was a child and my parents brought them all home from the library. I read the series possibly out of order, I don't recollect now, and I wasn't sure how well I'd remember it. I had certainly been too young to understand a great deal of it, and I remember puzzling over the diagram in the frontispiece of the sails with near-despair.

I started in on Master & Commander, the first book, and I remembered the initial scene, I remembered how Stephen and Jack met, I remembered the broad strokes of all the events, and was enchanted by revisiting it. I then listened to the second one, Post Captain, and found it harder going; it was a different narrator, who makes little mouth noises sometimes and whose voices for the characters I like less. Stephen Vance is the narrator I like more, though I don't really like how he does the women's voices; he makes Diana Villiers sound downright ridiculous. But he's very good at the distinct voices for the major characters and I quite like him otherwise.

I haven't bothered consulting a diagram; I know which sail is which just well enough (not well at all) to follow the action, and it turns out I don't really need to know what a cross-catharping is at all. (I mean, I looked it up just now, but it didn't matter.)

Book 3, HMS Surprise, has another situation with a Jewish character facing antisemitic disapprobation, and it is sort of a refreshing contrast to Lord Peter Wimsey that the POV character of the moment, Stephen Maturin, despite (spoilers) imminently killing the man in a duel, shuts down the person who is saying the most antisemitic things, saying that he has a particular fondness for Our Lady and since she was a Jewess he cannot believe to consider himself superior to her people in any way. Earlier the character is also denigrated but by such an unsympathetic character that the reader is pretty clearly meant to find her ridiculous. Still, it is there, but about on par with how Catholics are spoken of in the series. Which is no small thing; I have currently put the book down because a character in book four has just discovered Stephen is Catholic and is singing an offensive song about it at him and I needed a moment to not listen to that.

Anyway-- I had not thought I remembered the books well at all, and indeed I don't, many of the turns of the plot are total surprises to me, and I am in suspense for most of the action scenes, but I am occasionally dumbfounded to find turns of phrase that have been in my vocabulary entire this whole time. I read these books at a tender age and some of their philosophies, some of their turns of phrase, are deeply embedded in me, in my foundations indeed. I do not recommend them unreservedly, and I also think I will not seek out the current fandom for them particularly, as I don't think that the fandom takes on these characters will jive particularly well with my deep and ancient love for them. I read these books quite before I was capable of any real critical thought, and I do not think the fannish take will sit well with that early impression.

We'll see, though.

I do think I owe O'Brian a lot in how I write action. He does it so directly, with such immediacy-- so clearly, but with occasional bits of real poetry, some evocative touches that make it so vibrant-- that's what I strive to do as well. I don't know that I succeed, but if I ever do, I surely owe him.

But anyway-- part of the point of this post is that the Buffalo library only had books one, two, and eleven as audiobooks, and did not have ebooks of more than three or four of the books either. I was complaining of this, and my mother reminded me that anyone resident in NY State can get a digital library card to the New York Public Library, and I said I knew that but not how to do it. So, on Sunday afternoon while the various family was doing various active things and she and I were sitting at the picnic table, she knitting and I sewing, she said "open your Libby app. Select add a library. Type in New York. Select the New York Public Library. See what happens."

One of the options there was "I would like to request a card", and tapping this brought me to a screen where I was invited to give them my mailing address, which is indeed in New York State legitimately, and immediately they granted me a provisional library card with a one-year expiration date.

They have the entire series in audiobook, and ready to borrow, no holds.

I also had said I wanted to get a card at the library near the farm, and my sister is on the board of that; Mom asked her, when she next came by, and she said "oh let me look on the website, I'm not sure what you need," and in a moment asked me to remind her of my phone number, and in a moment after that I had an email in my inbox with my Upper Hudson library card, as she had filled out the application for me using her own address (where I do legitimately reside) and my birthdate, which of course she knows.

So now I have access to the riches of Upper Hudson as well, which while having one fewer library in its system than Buffalo, has at first glance about ten times as many digital titles.

So.

Anyway, there are twenty books in this series so I'm probably set for the rest of the summer.

I have no real deep observations on the books, except to admire the sharp character-work-- just such round characters, all around, major and minor, even if O'Brian sometimes loses track of minor characters here and there. How can I really complain? The ones he keeps sharp watch on are so delightful, so real, so self-propelled. I was worried, this book 4, that none of my favorites were by; Aubrey and Maturin are together, but are bound for the far side of the world, in great haste, with none of their regular recurrent comrades. When who should appear, to my wondering eyes, but the incomparable coxswain Barret Bonden, who in the first book very politely turns down Aubrey's offer to rate him an officer, in the third book finally reveals why when Stephen, hands injured, tries to dictate a letter to him ("I can't write a word," he admits. "I can read, near enough, can puzzle out the watch list, but I can't write a stroke.") Later in the third book, Stephen teaches him to write, sitting on one of the platforms among the rigging with him and dictating poetry, breaking off to exclaim when he sees an albatross-- Bonden, diligently, writing, "I see the albatross-- that don't rhyme, doctor, is there more to the line?" And here he is in the fourth, both a plot device and a welcome face.

I had despaired of him, but here too is my favorite. Early on a midshipman, the senior mid rated master's mate, then finally rated a lieutenant, and now an acting captain he turns up all unlooked-for in the fourth book, TOM PULLINGS, I don't know why I love him so but I do, what a cheerful and willing creature. I don't remember if anything terrible happens to him later, don't tell me. (I did spoil myself for a few characters, pulled up the wiki for a moment to remind myself who somebody was and then read too far. Nooooooo alas.)

Anyway I am much enjoying them, but am falling prey to my usual problem, wherein when I am reading a book I only want to do that and do not want to do other things, like work or sleep or other hobbies, so I may have to set limits for myself on how long I can listen in a day, or at least take breaks.