#and does not in fact mean falling in love

[secriden]

This line. God, this line! It has been eating me up inside for 2 days now, because let's not forget, this line isn't about love, it's about trust. And that has implications that make me want to scream.

It's a direct reference to this moment earlier in the episode:

At the start of this discussion, Style and Fadel still have a kind of playful air about their conversation:

Style: Oh? Not even me? Fadel: You're at 80% at best. I feel like you're hiding something from me in the 20%.

In this exchange, though, there's a sense that Fadel is issuing a challenge, like there's something specific which Style can do to gain Fadel's full trust. And while Style knows there are things he cannot (yet) reveal to Fadel, I think a part of him is determined to be as honest as he can be, which is why he issues a challenge of his own by asking for more specificity:

Style: What do I have to do to gain your complete trust?

Part of this question is a simultaneously inquisitive and deflective - What (and why) do you think I'm hiding (something) from you? - but there's also a moment after Style finishes speaking where he stills and goes quiet that feels... genuine, weighty. Or, as @airenyah has pointed out in her meta on Style in episode 4, the "grounded[ness]" in Style's demeanour is a signal that Style means what he's saying in the moment. Maybe about his own desire to be worthy of Fadel's trust, maybe about how he genuinely does want this relationship to be real in whatever way that matters to Fadel.

I think Fadel sensed that too, because the moment looses all the lightheartedness it had before. Fadel pauses, and then gets a look on his face that just... breaks my heart. There's a sombreness there, like he knows he's going to have to say something that makes him sad. Fadel looks away, and then down, before he seems to steel himself and says:

Fadel: It'll never happen. No matter how much you love someone, I just don't believe that you can completely lay yourself bare in front of them.

Fadel says this like it's fact. Like what he's expressing is something foundational and true and irrefutable. It's not even about his doubt in Style's honesty, because this statement has no qualifiers or conditions put on it to connect it to Style. Rather this is what Fadel fundamentally believes about relationships and trust: he finds the very concept of being fully known and still accepted an impossibility.

Sure, maybe this is because of the falling out (or betrayal or disappearance) associated with the former lover; but I also think it might be because Fadel is acutely aware not only that he's hiding a rather big and dark secret (not to mince words, but: actual literal premeditated murder), but also about what it implies about Fadel. Because being able to kill another human, coldly and clinically and without remorse, takes a certain type of person. Because, yes, Fadel has lived through an absolutely harrowing and traumatising event (his parents' murder), but it's also undeniable that it changed him. Because there's something about Fadel that twisted dark and which he never quite got back. There's an anger, a hurt that colours every moment of his life; that enables him to look a man in the eyes, smile politely, and pull a trigger.

And at this point in their relationship, Fadel's understanding of Style is that he's... well, kind of innocent. Especially in comparison to Fadel and Bison, and even Kant.

Style, who easily reveals facts about his life which Fadel already knows (winning a car tuning competition), making Fadel doubt his own instincts about Style hiding secrets. Style, who also reveals the things Fadel doesn't know, like the tender and secret pain of a mother lost to cancer (which, now that I think about it, Fadel may also know) and his worries about a father who "lost his bearings for a bit" (which he probably doesn't). Style, who tries to comfort Fadel in his own loss by offering a safe space and a sympathetic ear.

Style, who doesn't just see Fadel for his tragedy, but is asking to be given the chance to accept all of Fadel as a person. Style, who not only wants but has the capacity, to be the only person Fadel needs to rely on. Style who, despite the sea of differences between them, understands Fadel on a level that is so very foundational.

I'm going to slightly segue and mention something that may not resonate with everyone, but really hit me in the gut this episode: because I lost my father when I was 16 after he battled cancer for 2 painful years. And this revelation about Style has totally shifted and coloured everything Style has done in a new light for me. Because not only does this totally explain Style's sometimes almost stubbornly childish demeanour (it's common in adults who've had to 'grow up' too early), but also why Style shows seemingly random flashes of insight and maturity when they are most crucial. Notably, Style has this almost instinctive sense of when he needs to back off a sore point with Fadel that I couldn't quite put my finger on until this episode.

I've seen a few jokes about Style's awkward subject change, but I've actually got a friend who I hold very dear to my heart who was one of the only people to give me a sense of normalcy and comfort when my dad was on his last few days and then at his funeral. And part of that was the instinctive way she would know when I needed to just. Not be a grieving daughter for a few minutes. To get a small respite from the overwhelming hopelessness and sense of impending loss. To get a moment to breathe and gather my strength, because knowing I was never going to see my dad again, or hear his voice, or hold his hand was tearing me apart back then. Sometimes she'd talk to me about college drama, sometimes she'd introduce a new kpop video to me, sometimes she'd just ask me what I wanted to eat and take me to go have a meal with her. And sometimes there really just isn't anything else to say other than "I'm sorry." Nothing you say - nothing you can say - is going to ever, ever make this grief go away, and in most cases, it was better when people (especially those who couldn't really understand) didn't try.

And I think if you look at Fadel very closely, there's a moment of genuine surprise (Fadel wasn't expecting the subject change at all) and then... something that looks like fondness mixed with exhausted relief. Because I don't think Fadel was ready to talk about his parents yet. This was honesty he wasn't ready to give Style, mostly prompted because Style himself had willingly been so vulnerable that a part of Fadel wanted to reciprocate. But further down that path lies not only his darkest memories, but also the connection to the part of his life he is not willing to share with Style yet. So this subject change is a relief, it's a blessing, but it's also Style knowing when he shouldn't push any further with Fadel's fragile heart.

Which brings me back to how well the episode's theme of trust (both deserved and undeserved) was woven in this episode. This is true on multiple levels and characters but I'm not even going to attempt to touch Kant in this post because... Lord, that is beyond me at the moment. Someone else needs to do that, pretty please, so I can reblog it and scream.

It starts, somewhat unexpectedly, with Fadel asking for entrance into the intimate spaces of Style's life.

So, this episode was not about Fadel's fear of his own feelings, desires, or even affection for Style - that appears to be fully addressed in episode 4. I think that's why we see Fadel be so physically affectionate and indulgent of Style in this episode. He's come to terms with his lust for Style's body (hence his comfort in initiating sex), he's accepted Style as his boyfriend and so can enjoy Style's playful teasing (still reluctantly, but Fadel is still an introvert even if he's mostly enjoying Style's rambunctious nature), and give into Style's (and Bison's and Kant's) cajoling with relatively little fuss.

He's even comfortable toying with the edges of revealing his darker and more sinister side by reminding Style implicitly about how violent Fadel has the potential to be. Recall that Fadel knows Style knows some of his capacity for violence; he just doesn't know how very thoroughly Style is aware of the full scale of this truth. It does help that Style evidences no actual fear and, in fact, looks positively euphoric. Like, buddy, pal, dearest one... please control yourself.

And yet something very, very telling is the way the show makes it a point to depict Fadel very deliberately getting drunk during the double date. Even before the date has started, Fadel looks to be about half a beer in and we see him constantly drinking, drinking, drinking during the whole date. From the conversation about trust he has with Style while Kant and Bison are being off key and adorable about it, to after Kant leaves and Bison gets worried. And we've seen Fadel cope with emotional and mental distress with alcohol before, so we know that Fadel is internally fighting some kind of very intense battle even as he is also very clearly enjoying moments with Style on this date (most notably when they're dancing by the bowling lanes and when Style asks him to go home with him).

So here's my take: rather than being about love, this is about Fadel fighting to hold onto his own philosophy on relationships and trust. Because as much as I do believe Fadel believes he's telling the truth when he tells Style that 100% trust is "impossible", I think it's clear that's not what he wants.

What he wants is to finish this last job so that the only thing he can't be honest about with Style will finally stop being a factor in his life. What he wants is to fully and completely reciprocate the openness Style seems to be giving Fadel. What he wants is to switch off his brain and let his heart lead for once, to stop fighting a battle he has no desire to win anymore, only he can't. Trust (not love) is Fadel's final frontier, and one which he can't quite give up in spite of himself.

Which is why I think Fadel intentionally gets himself drunk here. Because he wants to let his guard down around Style. He wants to open himself fully, he wants to "lay himself bare" for Style, he wants Style to know the full truth and accept him anyway - and he gets so close, but can't quite get there - because he doesn't know that Style already has.

When Style says this, Fadel thinks it's empty words, not knowing that Style has long passed the bar Fadel thinks is insurmountable. And just like Style was able to offer safety and reassurance to the vulnerability Fadel was showing in episode 4, Style instinctively gets to the core of Fadel's darkest fears again:

Style: One day, I'll be your 100%.

This isn't (just) a promise that Style will wear Fadel's stubbornness down, or that Style will be worthy of Fadel's 100% (which, already, has me in tears, ngl). Beyond that, this is Style promising Fadel isn't ruined for this; that it isn't too late, that whatever hurts and wounds Fadel has can be made whole again. That the kind of honest and all-encompassing and unconditional trust which Fadel says is impossible can, in fact, be his. That Fadel still has the capacity to trust and be trusted the way he so desperately, painfully longs for.

I know a lot of people have said Style in this episode is writing cheques he has no ability to honour, but I think it's more layered than that. Because in a very significant and profound way, Style is wholly deserving of Fadel's trust. Because in all the ways that Fadel has ever known he should want, Style actually IS worthy of his trust. Style knows the truth Fadel is hiding, knows what this man is capable of, knows the danger of being in his arms, knows the likely nonexistent future Fadel has to offer him -- and wants him anyway. Style is a man who would stare into Fadel’s darkness and reach out first. Strip away the complication of Kant being blackmailed and dragging Style into his mission, and Style is literally perfect for Fadel. He is exactly what Fadel wants (and possibly has wanted for a very long time). He is, in fact, exactly what Fadel needs to ever experience anything beyond the shadow of a life he's had so far.

But oh, the cruel narrative means that Style is also, simultaneously, painfully undeserving of Fadel's trust; and this is something Style is very much aware of. I think that's why he's trying so very hard to be worthy in all the other ways he can be. Style's awareness of what Fadel is hiding enables Style to (counterintuitively) be completely honest about his feelings for and about Fadel even as he cannot reveal his motivations. So he gives Fadel as much honesty as he can: offers the vulnerability of his own pain and hurts; the comfort of his true understanding and acceptance.

And just as Fadel's vulnerability in the abandoned factory was met with Style choosing a form of physical connection that prioritised Fadel's pleasure (it's made very clear that Style is jerking Fadel off and that all his focus in that moment was on Fadel, not his own pleasure), so too is this moment met with Style very intentionally choosing to worship Fadel's body with all the tenderness and genuine emotional weight that Style wanted Fadel to have in their first time in the storeroom.

Because, crucially, this was Style giving Fadel the chance to lay himself at least physically bare. This is the closest either of them can get to full honesty with the secrets they both are keeping. It's why Style tries so very hard to show the care and adoration and genuine feelings he has for Fadel. Why he makes sure that the vulnerability of Fadel getting himself as drunk and as relaxed and as trusting as Fadel can allow himself to be is tied only to gentleness and tenderness and pleasure.

Because Style actually knows that Fadel can't (and shouldn't) trust him in the way Fadel truly wishes to.

And as much as I believe that Style genuinely means this from the bottom of his heart, the horrifying full truth is that it is Style that has the metaphorical knife hovering over Fadel's chest. He is the one with the capacity to actually give Fadel a new scar that would truly matter. He is, in fact, the only one Fadel wants to fully trust -- and this, along with Style's compromised heart, makes it so that the circumstances will doom them both.

[trippinsorrows]

midnight sun

authors note: don't ask. don't ask. don't ask.

words: 1.8k

warnings: angst, domestic violence

song inspo: 'faithfully' by journey

And bein' apart ain't easy on this love affair Two strangers learn to fall in love again I get the joy of rediscovering you

Pressure.

A constant, almost soothing, irreparable thing. A loyal companion that hasn’t escaped nor forsaken him for as long as he can remember. The perpetual weight of responsibility that was assigned to him the day he entered this world, and something that will remain with him until the day he leaves it.

Whenever the fuck that’ll be.

At this rate and with his luck, not for a very long time.

“Did you know that the average person has four bad days per month?”  An overheard question.  Something Roman has to scoff at. Whatever sample that was used that produced such a statistic had to have been the fucking soccer and yoga moms. The ones who consider Starbucks being out of fucking pumpkin spice the definition of a bad day. “Adults also apparently smile 15 to 20 times per day.”

Another random fact that’s overheard, except it’s something that Roman realizes is much closer than he initially realized. The proximity does not align with something that’s in earshot. More so something that’s right in front of him.

“I don’t know if I—if I really believe all that, but—”

With a heavy sigh, he lifts his head, ready to lay into the poor, unsuspecting soul. “Why are you fucking talking to—”

Two abrupt stops. Two interruptions. Two complete collisions. 

A second round.

Years. Almost twenty, and yet the instant his eyes lock with hers, he knows, and judging by the way she drops the notepad in her hand, she knows, too.

It’s been some time since he’s felt so thoroughly shaken, but that’s exactly what he feels in this moment.

“Solana?”

Not that there was any doubt before, but the tiny gasp that leaves her mouth is all the confirmation he needs that this is most definitely her. 

Her eyes. So big, brown, and inquisitive. Once filled with an abundance of hurt and pain, an ideal match with his all that time ago, is no longer the same. Something different. There’s some trace of happiness. Yet, there’s something almost disingenuous about it. Like, it’s a poor attempt at camouflaging what was felt so long ago.

What might still be felt.

“Roman….”

His jaw clenches. It’s been so long since he’s heard his name leave the mouth of someone like her. Soft. Innocent. Kind.

None of those non-physical things about her have changed. He can tell that even in this brief, unexpected interaction. 

Naturally, his eyes move over her, noticing her hair is no longer long and cascading down her back. It’s short, barely brushing past her shoulders. Lighter. It suits her.

Her body is filled out, shapely, womanly, heavy in the desired areas. And the minute her mouth curls into an almost hesitant smile, he finds himself pleased that that has remained unchanged.

She always had such a soothing, beautiful smile.

“I—what��what are you doing here?”

A good fucking question considering he has a million and other things on his to-do list and not one of them includes sitting in this random coffee shop he drove past on his aimless drive. 

“I mean,” she laughs nervously, hand to her face, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, that’s—that’s a silly question. You don’t have to answer—”

“I was driving and saw it. Wanted coffee.” Not necessarily a lie. He does now want coffee but not necessarily when he chose to park his Maserati and enter into the quiet, almost wholesome shop. “You work here.” A statement. Not a question.

Nodding, he’s much more pleased than he should be to see her smile grow. “Well, technically, I—I own it, but—”

“You own this place?” To anyone else, it’s perhaps a silly thing to “ask” given she just said as such, but for him, for them, it's so much more.

Her smile is bright, a light that contrasts the still unhealed bruises on her face as she shares with much more hope and optimism than anyone in their situation should have, “I want to own a coffee shop some day.” Looking over at him, consciously or unconsciously scooting closer, she challenges, “guess what I’m gonna name it?”

A bitter scoff leaves his mouth. He rolls his eyes but still gives it a go. “Sunshine’s place or some shit like that?”

Her giggle is a respite from the heaviness of the past two weeks. The only escape he’s found in this hell hole. And not just the facility. 

“No. I’m gonna name it—”

“Dulce’s…..” Roman pulls himself from a memory buried so deep, he doesn’t know how he was able to retrieve it. “You always said…..” 

“Yeah…..” she answers in a low voice, pushing back some of her hair, a nervous habit he sees still exists. But, it’s not the habit he’s focused on. It’s the diamond on her finger.

An engagement ring. 

“You’re engaged.” Another assessment. One that shouldn’t stir up whatever the fuck is brewing within him.

For a second, she looks like it’s a surprise to her as well. And, he sees it, catches the brief glimpse of an attempted escape. 

That sadness. A feeling that doesn’t quite escape a person, not to the extent she felt.

That they both felt.

Still feels, clearly.

For her, at least.

Maybe.

“Y—yes. Ummm—”

“Solana.”

Another voice introduced to the conversation. Male. Gruff. Infuriating. Roman cuts his eyes to the out of shape man who looks like a recovering alcoholic and someone who doesn’t need to be talking or even around her.

“Cody’s waiting.”

Cody?

But, Roman doesn’t have time to think too much about that ugly ass name. His focus is back on Solana, Solana who has suddenly shifted from slightly timid to downright terrified. She’s grasping at the material of her apron. “But, I—I thought he said I could work all day tod—”

“Plans changed.” A rude, coarse interruption that has Roman’s jaw ticking. Just who the fuck is this man and why does he think he can talk to Solana like that?

“Don’t you see we’re in the middle of a fucking conversation?” A much too late entrance into whatever this is, but an arrival nonetheless. “Leave.” 

For some reason, it seems the man only now decided to pay attention to just who she was speaking to, a recognition that has his eyes widened as he turns back to Solana, poorly whispering, “do you know who the fuck this is?”

“Kevin, please. I’ll—I’ll be out in a minute.” It ticks him the fuck off that she’s practically begging this motherfucker, a man who Roman doesn’t even know but would love to put a bullet in.

Just might after today.

Kevin scoffs and shakes his head. “Your mistake.”

He says nothing else, turning to walk away, Roman standing to possibly commit murder when Solana moves her hand in front of him, as if trying to stop him.

“It’s—it’s fine. My—my fiancé is here.”

Roman looks down at her, still completely unnerved by her complete shift in demeanor. Her fear is practically palpable.

“Solana….” He sees her eyes shut as her name leaves his mouth. “What’s going o—”

“It—it was good to see you, Roman,” she cuts him off, forcing a smile that doesn’t meet her eyes. “But, I—I have to go.” And it’s as she turns to walk away, he makes the mistake of grabbing her wrist. Instant regret fills him when she jumps but something else as well.

Suspicion. 

Solana has always been jumpy. He’s known that from the day they met at that god-awful place so many years ago. But something about the fear that courses through her, is stamped on her voice, feels….different.

He drops his hand, stating in a low voice. “Give me your phone.”

Her eyes widen. “Roman—”

“Please.” A word no one on this goddamn earth could torture out of him, but something that so easily rolls off his tongue for her.

Obviously confused, her expression remains torn even as she reaches in the pocket of her apron, pulling out and unlocking her phone. He takes it from her, ignoring that strange feeling when their hands touch.

Moving fast and thinking quick, he programs his number, choosing an unsuspecting name, one he knows she and only she will recognize. 

Handing it back to her, he instructs, “you need anything, you call me.” It’s not preferred. What he’d prefer is to walk outside and snap that Kevin and this Cody person, if he’s outside too, necks. Would prefer to tell her to just stay with him. But, it’s too much. Much too much given how long it’s been.

And yet, they seem so easily falling back into routine. 

She’s still visibly nervous, holding her phone in her hand instead of placing it back in the apron. Another pained smile followed up with, “goodbye, Roman.”

He doesn’t say it back, almost refuses to. Just watches as she moves to the back of the shop, coming out a few minutes later, apron discarded, purse on her shoulder, nearly rushing out without sparing him a glance even if his gaze never leaves her.

Solana is only able to barely slide into the back of the SUV, the door held open by an irritated Kevin when she’s yanked by her hair.

Piercing blue eyes stare down at her, his other hand wrapped around her neck, squeezing tightly but not enough to completely restrict speech.

“Where the fuck were you?!”

His voice is harsh and angry, as is the look in his eyes. She opens her mouth to try to respond when he instead smashes her head into the window. She winces but refuses to cry out in pain even when his fist collides with her jaw. Her eyes clench shut, Solana already tasting the blood forming in her mouth.

“When I tell you to come, you fucking come, you understand me?!” He shouts, once again grabbing a fistful of her hair. 

Nodding helplessly, she forces out an answer, ignoring the blood leaking out the corner of her mouth. “Y—yes, sir.”

He scoffs, a cruel, wicked smile on his face as he takes pride in his work. In her terror. “Pathetic,” he hisses, shoving her away. Solana moves as far into the corner as she can, forever grateful when he pulls out his phone and initiates a phone call like nothing happened.

It’s stupid and risky and something she most definitely shouldn't be doing, but Solana can’t stop herself from also pulling out her phone and scrolling through her contacts, moving to the R’s only to find nothing there.

There’s an emptiness that accompanies that realization that makes no sense. A sadness that fills her at the thought that he didn’t, but…..the look on his face, so handsome and strong, the fact that he even asked….he had to.

So, she continues to scroll, carefully assessing for each stored contact, stopping when she sees it. Emotion fills her for a completely different reason, reading the single word that carries such weight and meaning.

Journey

[vespaer77]

Aside from the fact that I think I might be the only person on the planet who could genuinely be interested in the Executors (I say "could" because my faith in good storytelling from BW is on shaky ground), I fully agree with this post.

And I say this as someone who wasn't sure that the Veil coming down was the right move. But whether someone thinks the Veil should come down or stay up is immaterial. The whole point is that no arguments for the validity of either claim were really ever truly examined. The only reasoning in the game that we get for the Veil remaining intact is that its collapse would "drown the world in demons." Which is... almost a fallacy on its own. Aside from naturally occurring malign spirits (that we learn about from the Mournwatch), demons exist as a direct result of the Veil simply existing.

Perhaps the danger is in not knowing what would happen to all of the mundane, unmagical folk when confronted with the full power of all the raw, unfiltered, chaotic magic of the Fade. But that's still thinking of magic within the confines of the Fade itself. We have no perspective, outside of Solas, on what magic really looks like when the Fade and the mundane world combine. Does it change? Is it still dangerous? Who does it endanger? Are we wrong? Are we right? Who knows? The whole point is that there's never an opportunity to ask those questions. And we have at least three characters fully immersed and available in the story who could provide concrete, first-person, lived and experienced answers.

But we never ask.

We have a spirit of Wisdom who loves answering questions.

And we never ask.

Hell, in addition, we have two dwarves that are connected, isatunolly, with the Titans, who were also there before the Veil.

And we don't get to really ask anything of great value. Even our characters are canonically frustrated with how little we get to ask.

I just think it's very interesting that this game was called Dreadwolf for so long, and then it wasn't. The game we got has very little to do with, and makes very little use of, the Dread Wolf at all. So the game is called The Veilguard. But at no point does the Veilguard really ever.... guard... the Veil. Or make any mention of guarding the Veil. Or have any discussion on why guarding the Veil is so super important or what it even means, especially considering that, in the first 20min of the game, the only real element threatening the Veil is neutralized until the last 10min.

The game, called The Veilguard, isn't about the Veil at all.

In my humble opinion? This game should have been given a title that had more to do with the Blight or the gods or something. Or, given how many times it gets said in game, it could've just been called, "Dragon Age: It's Just So Hard." Even on a meta level, that's a title I could've believed, lol.

All this without even mentioning that one mural memory. We all know the one. The one that falls somewhere between a shameful, textbook retcon and a blatant attempt at gaslighting.

Whoops. I mentioned it, didn't I? Maybe I'll make a longer post about that someday. That's the part of this game that really grinds my gears, the status of the Veil notwithstanding.

In short, I firmly believe that the vilification of Solas is purely based on a retcon (and one that makes no logical sense when properly examined) and it's a hill I'm prepared to die on.

Anyhoops, if someone told me that, even though this game had been in development for 10yrs, the final version of this game was produced from start to finish in 16mos or less, I'd honestly believe it. I also feel like they were 100% shooting for a game that would have DLC afterwards and were told late in their development cycle that there wouldn't be so they tried to gift wrap everything with the ribbons and bows that they had. Like... go to the Halls of Valor and tell me that this is a fully finished game that was intended to be complete from the very beginning.

Castles in the Fade, or What Was the Point of the Veil Anyway

Something that will now haunt me until the end of time is why was the concept of the Veil ever introduced into this series.

We’ve been hearing about it since the very first game. There’s a codex entry about tears in the Veil in Origins. Tamlen mentions a thin spot in the Veil if you play a Dalish elf. Sandal has a prophecy in Dragon Age 2: “One day the magic will come back—all of it. Everyone will be just like they were. The shadows will part and the skies will open wide. When he rises, everyone will see.” Admittedly, this is just one line said by a character who often says odd things, but it hinted to the fact they were planning to do something with the Veil from the very beginning. The state of the Veil is repeatedly brought up. It all had to mean something! Or so I thought. 

When I saw “The Dread Wolf Rises” quest in Veilguard, I said, “Oh, here we go!” The Veil is coming down, magic is coming back, and it’s going to set up such an interesting story for the next game. 

Alas, no. 

I hadn’t really enjoyed my time playing Veilguard up until this point. It felt like the game was ducking and dodging every bit of world building and lore that could possibly bring nuance or complexity to the story. Every returning character or faction was a cardboard cutout of themself. They shoved Solas is a time-out box and gave him nothing to do. They refused to let him have any impact or influence on the story when he had been set up to be our main antagonist back in Trespasser. This game used to be called Dreadwolf! And while we learn about his past… we never talk to him about it. In the present, he’s in stasis.

Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain are our villains. And they are your typical evil for evil’s sake villains. They are mad, bad, and only as dangerous as the narrative will allow as to not give Rook and co too much trouble. They are surprisingly patient while Rook fixes all their companions’ problems… until Elgar’nan moves the moon to cause an eclipse. A vital component in making his own lyrium dagger. For some reason. This guy can move a satellite!? And he just let Rook walk away in previous encounters… twice. Ok. Sure.

The Evil Duo need their own dagger ostensibly to tear down the Veil, because they want to unleash the full force of the Blight onto the world. Because they are evil. And they were thwarted last time they tried to Blight the entire world. Why do they think Blighting the world is a good idea? What’s the point of ruling a world if everyone is dead? I guess they haven’t thought that through, because of the madness and the evilness.

Ok, I thought. Perhaps the gods will be the one to tear down the Veil. Or maybe we’ll have a choice to let Solas do it his way before they can, which will be less chaotic and less full of Blight. Because the Veil has to be coming down one way or another? Why introduce the concept of the Veil, especially a Veil that has been thinning and failing since the series began, if it’s just going to… stay.

There is a principle in storytelling called Chekov’s gun. If something is mentioned in a story, it must have a purpose. If you keeping mentioning that gun hanging on the wall over the fireplace, it’s because at some point in the story, someone is going to take it down and use it. The Veil felt like Chekov’s gun to me. Chekov’s Veil, if you will. It’s been here from the beginning of our tale, the spectre hanging over our protagonists’ heads for multiple games.

The Veil has been a character unto itself. It was the central focus of the third game, and its dissolution was set up to be the core conflict of the fourth game. We learn everything we thought we knew about the Veil was a lie. It was not created by the Maker to separate the Fade from this world because of jealous spirits, it was created by a guy named Solas to trap the elven gods and the Blight from destroying the world. Also, the elven gods were never gods, and they are also evil.

This reveal will surely throw the Andrastian religion into chaos! This puts the very existence of the Maker into question! The Evanuris are a lie; it’s only fair Catholicism—oh, I mean—the Chantry is a lie too. We briefly touch on that in Veilguard… then it is quietly discarded. Religious crisis averted.

But I digress.

When the title of the fourth game was changed from Dreadwolf to Veilguard, I started to see the writing on the wall. Still, I held out hope the Veil would have some greater purpose in the story. That its introduction as a concept was for a reason. That something in this world would change.

Instead, from the get-go, the question of the Veil is no question at all. We only get Solas and Varric making oblique or catastrophizing statements about it. Solas says little beyond he has a plan. If I ever wanted to hear a villain monologue about their plan, it was now! Varric, on the other hand, decries Solas’s plan. He warns that should the Veil fall, it will destroy the world and drown it in demons. And that’s that.

We never really learn why Solas wants to tear the Veil down, or why he thinks it will help anyone. “The Veil is a wound inflicted upon this world. It must be healed,” he says. And that’s basically all he says about it in Veilguard. In Inquisition and Trespasser, we learn it took the immortality from the elves. It cut most of magic off from the world. Spirits are trapped and are being corrupted into demons, and most of what we know about spirits and demons is wrong. There are ancient elves possibly asleep? That part is left vague, but ancient elves are still about. We meet some in Mythal’s temple. There seems to have been some merit in bringing it down, because elves were flocking to Solas’s cause at the end of Trespasser. He had agents working for him already. What do they know that we don’t know?

Apparently nothing, because by the time Veilguard rolls around, there are no mention of agents. He is working alone. His only motivation now seems to be he’s too deep in his sunk-cost fallacy. The Veil is unnatural, so it must be removed—consequences be damned. We are never given any reason to think Solas has a leg to stand on in his pursuit of tearing down the Veil. We never hear any kind of counter argument from anyone, not even Solas, as to why the Veil should come down. We are only told it will destroy the world. It will drown the world in demons. This is all Solas’s fault.

There is no nuance. No complexity. No moral quandary to mull over. The game gives us vague warnings with no explanation as to what exactly is so world-annihilating about the Veil coming down. We must take Varric’s word at face value. We’re the heroes; Solas is the villain. Stop him.

It makes me wonder why Solas was ever a companion in Inquisition, let alone a romance option. Solas was presented to us as a complicated character in Inquisition. We had the potential throughout the game to make him see the value of this world, to help him realize he was wrong about it. “We aren’t even people to you,” the Inquisitor says in Trespasser. Solas replies, “Not at first. You showed me that I was wrong...again.” He began the third game viewing the world as tranquil, seeing the people in it as nothing more than figments in a nightmare, just as we saw our companions in the In Hushed Whispers quest. He ends the game having made friends, having recognized he was mistaken. He might have even fallen in love. (Or he may still seen no merit in this world if the Inquisitor antagonized him the entirety of their time together.) But something makes him continue with his plan to tear down the Veil, despite recognizing this world is real. He must know something we don’t. Something we’ll learn about in the next game.

We’ve been hearing about the Veil for three games now. We’ve set up our complex antivillain for the next installment, and he’s going to tear the Veil down. We swear to stop him or save him. But it has to be more complex than that. It can’t be so straightforward. Uncomplicated. Simple. Boring. Right? Right?

Nope. He really is just the villain, mustache-twirling and all. He apparently had no greater motivation, no as of yet unrevealed knowledge that would put this whole Veil thing into a new context. It was really as simple as the Veil falling will destroy the world, so Solas must be stopped. There is no new information that is revealed which makes us question what we are doing. Solas is never given any nuance or complexity to his actions. Nuance and complexity have actively been taken away. Both him and the Veil are looking like they are the worst things to be in a story: pointless. Why introduce the Veil if it’s just going to remain unchanged? Why introduce a character like Solas, bother humanizing him (for lack of a better term), giving us his backstory, setting him up as a cunning antagonist, only to make him look stupid, then put him on a shelf until the last ten minutes of your game?

Solas was the trickster archetype of this tale. He was our version of Loki from Norse mythology. What is the role of the trickster archetype? To challenge the status quo. To bring about events of extreme change, like say, the tearing down of a Veil that holds back all of magic. Loki is a huge contributing factor in Ragnarök. Through his manipulation, he causes the death of the beloved god, Baldr. This ushers in a long winter, which signifies the beginning of the end. Loki is imprisoned for this crime. When the final battle between gods and giants begins, the sun and moon are swallowed, plunging the earth into darkness. The earth shakes and Loki is freed to fight on the side of the giants. The world burns in raw chaos, falls beneath the sea, and is reborn. The world is remade, and a new realm of the gods and a new, better earth is formed.

It really felt like this was the setup they were going for. Solas causes the death of Mythal, and this is his catalyst for creating the Veil, which ushers in a world without magic. This could be seen as equivalent to the long winter. Solas falls asleep, trapped in dreams. He wakes and sets in motion bringing about the apocalypse. It’s not a perfect one to one, but it’s there if you squint. We have a war against the gods in Veilguard. I was expecting a few remaining Titans to wake and join the fight. But we don’t get any of that. There is a final battle, but it does not end in the end of the world. Or a better world. It just ends, and everything is the same.

It seems our trickster god caused his apocalypse thousands of years before our story started, when he created the Veil. His role in this tale was over before ours began, and he really is just some relic from a long-past age. He has no role, no purpose in this story. He is here to be thwarted. He is no Loki at all.

If you can’t tell, I wanted the Veil to come down. Did I think the Veil coming down would be painless? Have no negative consequences? No. Of course not. But keeping it up has negative consequences too. And it made for an interesting story. Or at least it could have. But we never explore that. The game presents no counter argument to having the Veil stay up, which, again, begs the question: what was the point of introducing the concept of the Veil at all?

Did I think the Veil coming down was actually the best solution to help Thedas become a better place? I don’t know, and I never will, because the game never argues for it one way or another. It just tells you to want it in place and to stop asking questions. In real life, a catastrophic event is not the best way to solve any of the world’s problems. But this is the realm of fiction. We have gods and monsters, magic and myth. We have introduced the status quo of Thedas, recognized it needs to change, then our trickster god appears ready to fulfill his role in the narrative. 

Instead, it all comes to nothing.

I got to the end of Veilguard… and everything was more or less the same as it was at the start of Origins. Veilguard actually tries its hardest to pretend any previously mentioned problems don’t exist, so of course the Veil coming down has no merit. There are no problems to solve in this world, apparently. Solas is just stuck in the past and can’t get with the times. Silly Solas.

The Veil isn’t even a permanent solution. It wasn’t to begin with. It was some duct tape wrapped around a broken pipe, and we’ve just slapped an extra piece of tape on it. It’s still leaking. It is still unnatural, and will fall eventually one way or another. Large amounts of bloodshed weaken it, so I guess Thedas better achieve world peace real quick to avoid any battles. There were seven super-powered mages holding it together… now there is just one. Ironically, the Veil was going to fall after two more Blights anyway. The Wardens were doing Solas’s work for him! It would also have released the full force of the Blight at that time… which Solas was trying to avoid, I presume.

It feels like keeping the Veil up just pushed a big problem onto Thedas’ future generations. We’ll keep slapping bandaids on it until it all falls apart. Someone else can deal with the fallout, but we’ll be dead by then, so who cares.

Primarily, I wanted the Veil to come down from a storytelling perspective. The Veil was an interesting concept and I wanted the story to do something interesting with it. Conflict is what makes stories stories and the Veil coming down could create so much compelling and complex conflict. And the Fade is weird, and I like weird. Stories are also about change, and I wanted to see Thedas change. Yet, Veilguard is over, and barely anything has changed. Instead of magic coming back being a conflict for the next game, they went with Fantasy Illuminati. Oh.

The Veil turned out to be a nothing-burger, and no problems in this world are even close to being solved. Slavery is still rampant in Tevinter. The elven people are still oppressed everywhere. Mages have no more rights in the South than they did in Origins. Spirits are still trapped and being corrupted. The Calling still exists, though might be different somehow now? They don’t really get into that. The Chantry’s validity is still not allowed to be questioned. The Blight still exists in some form, but again it’s vague. Oh, and we learn the dwarves have been gravely wronged, and the Titans are still tranquil. At least if you redeem Solas and a romanced Lavellan joins him, they can work together on healing the Blight and helping the Titans. Oh, good. One problem is being acknowledged and some action will be taken. Offscreen. Hurray? Solas doesn’t have a really great track record of fixing problems, so Lavellan is definitely going to need to be there to make sure he doesn’t fuck it up.

For some reason, this game seemed terrified of letting us think about anything for more than two seconds. It shied away from complexity or nuance at every turn. The game is called The Veilguard—ironically, that word is never uttered in the game—but we are given no real motive for guarding the Veil. We’re unquestionably the hero. The villains are uncomplicatedly evil. Save the world… never wonder what you are doing or why.

I wanted the game to make me question if the Veil staying up or coming down was the right choice. I needed to be given a real counter argument. Convince me the alternative would actually be better or worse, because as I mentioned… things suck quite a bit in Thedas already for a lot of people right now. Let the Veil’s fate be a difficult choice to make. If the conflict cannot be what to do about the Veil, it should be am I doing the right thing about the Veil. If the heart of your game is so thin on motive, everything else falls apart around it.

I hoped they were setting up a complex, Thedas-sized existential conflict for this game in Trespasser, but no. I wanted something to happen, but nothing did. 

I want to feel challenged and changed by a story, not left feeling empty. I’m tired of superficial entertainment. I want to sink my teeth into a narrative that doesn’t paint the world in broad strokes of black and white, good and evil, heroes and villains.

Ultimately, I think my issue is why even introduce a concept like The Veil if you’re not going to do anything interesting with it. Or anything at all. What I thought was Chekov’s Veil turned out to just be a MacGuffin. And that’s disappointing.

[bossuary]

Neve is painless. Rook is real.

Lucanis likes Neve because she represents what he is desperate to regain. He wants to feel normal, to work and cook and focus on the things he used to enjoy (such as they were) before the Ossuary. He wants capital R Romance, right out of a book.

Most importantly, he wants to get rid of Spite. He wants to pretend that he is the man he was...not this abomination.

Without truly knowing her, Lucanis believes Neve is a pathway to all of that. He's attracted to her, and she to him. Their flirting has an edge, but it's also friendly. She dislikes Spite, and her presence makes Spite disappear.

Neve will tell Lucanis that he's still himself, and that Spite doesn't change that. She will never be the one to reconcile Lucanis with Spite, to get them to accept each other. So, yeah, he gravitates to the charming, flirty, warm person who (through no fault of her own, really) feeds his desire to pretend he's not an abomination.

Even early on, I think he's smart enough to know that accepting Spite is his only option, but he...just... can't. With what tools? Nothing in his life has prepared him to deal with this. Rook does that. When denial tears Lucanis apart, Rook puts him back together with acceptance. Rook accepts the reality of Spite, and deals with it head-on every time.

Neve will remind Lucanis that she's not going anywhere. She'll tell him to open his eyes and look at facts, but she (probably) won't be the one to push him out of his own prison. Lucanis knows this, so Spite knows this, and therefore Spite will not look to Neve for help.

It's important for Lucanis to accept that Spite has changed him. But when it's Rook who says it--for whom Lucanis has developed real feelings, not idealized ones--well, it destroys the fantasy Lucanis clings to so vehemently, the one where he isn't this.

For me, the Lucanis/Rook romance feels the way it does NOT because the writers "preferred" that Lucanis and Neve get together, but because Neve is simply easier for Lucanis to accept. She's easier to talk to, unchallenging. Easy isn't bad! Comfort isn't bad! God knows they both deserve some comfort.

Loving Rook is a profoundly complex choice. There's not a lot of cute ways to work that profundity into sexy banter. It makes sense, then, that Lucanis doesn't have as much dialogue for a romanced Rook as he does with Neve. What he can do is cook, make small gestures. He can, heartbreakingly, tell Rook, over and over, that he doesn't have the words to express how he feels. That's such an awful state, knowing that the person you care about needs to hear words you simply cannot locate. As soon as he does have the words, he shares them.

Rook is real. And real is not easy.

To Lucanis, Rook represents a difficult path to recovery, a path he has to keep choosing to follow, every day. At a time in his life where he is incapable of seeing Spite (and his own PTSD ) as anything but a 'distraction' to shove aside, Rook shows genuine interest in helping Lucanis heal. Rook takes consistent action toward that goal, particularly when it's clear that Lucanis doesn't know how.

Lucanis also has to believe that he's worth the effort, his own and his love's. Neve is great, love her, but I don't see this struggling cynic, this chronic worrier, being very helpful in the self-worth department. No, people in a relationship do not have to perform therapeutic roles. But, partners do have to respect each others' boundaries and needs.

Of course Lucanis goes all-in for Neve, romantically, even while he and Rook are dancing around each other. Accepting how much he loves and cares for Rook means looking at himself the way Rook does. That is so much harder than whatever will happen with Neve.

The fact that Lucanis isn't afraid to pursue Neve, even if Treviso is blighted, tells me that Neve is an indulgence for him. Again, that's not a value judgement. If they treat each other with respect, then the merits of the relationship don't have to fall on whether Lucanis 'heals' as a result. Sometimes not hurting all the time is enough.

BUT. Contrast the ease he feels with Neve with his feelings about Rook:

"When I was afraid to want you..."

That is a powerful admission.

What was he afraid of? The annihilation of neglect, worthlessness, and shame. The awful but knowable pillars of his existence.

Wanting Rook means that Lucanis wants to dismantle everything he knows in pursuit of something he doesn't. To love Rook is to love and accept himself, exactly as he is.

Then...then...Lucanis finds real comfort.

[acourtofthought]

can you genuinely say at this point in time, Elain wants lucien? I'm not asking for theories or headcanons. I am asking if you genuinely think that Elain in any way is secretly pining over Lucien, and what textual evidence supports that.

People have argued about her mentioning his name, but I don't think that has to do with romantic feelings for him, moreso basic respect for another. People have talked about a "half-step" which I must've missed bc I do not even remember that - but i don't think a "half step" necessarily conveys anything romantic.

I'm trying to form an opinion in this ship war, but its hard when I see a ton of misinformation from every side. The elriels have their own faults, but they can point to text now that shows Elain wants Azriel.

Can Eluciens do the same? I'm not trying to start a fight, I really just want to know what portion of each ship is backed by the current books vs. how much is just people theorizing they are end game and what they want to happen. And if the Elucien ship is purely just "SJM will always pair fated mates together" that's also fine and valid imo, I just want to know if there's anything in the books you can point to that shows Elain wants Lucien at this moment in time. I don't want to argue about hypotheticals and foreshadowing and what a rose symbolizes. I want cold hard words on the page.

Please note: I know just because it might not be there YET doesn't mean it's not going to happen. I want to evaluate the current standing of these books and the rationality of each argument. But to do that, I need people to be honest about what's there and what's not. I'm asking you because you run one of the more...logical shipwar blogs. But if you don't want to answer this - I also understand why.

At this point in time I don't think that canon supports Elain wanting anyone and that includes both Az and Lucien.

The only person Elain ever confessed having feelings for is Graysen. Real feelings. The "my heart belongs to you" kind of feelings.

Elain specifically said she did not want a male or a mate and those are categories Lucien and Az fall under, despite the almost kiss with Az in SF. It's canon that a FMC in a SJM book can hook-up with a guy but not want a relationship with him (Feyre / Isaac, Nesta with fae who were not Cassian, Mor / Cassian, Mor / Helion) so Elain's actions in the Az bonus don't prove Elain wants him for more than a night of fun. In fact, the text in canon has her agreeing to "just a taste and that would be it". That's not a confession of long term commitment nor was there any to be found in any other interaction she's had with Az. Even crushes don't mean you're wanting forever with someone. Not to mention she was not written as looking towards either Az or Lucien in the 5 months after Solstice so absolutely no canon supports that she wants to hook-up with Az anymore. Elain's past actions from months ago (including those with Az) can't really be used as proof of canon of now, otherwise we should all be claiming she's still in love with Graysen since she never specifically stated she no longer has feelings for him. Nobody says that though, we use the canon of her no longer breaking down over Graysen to show she's moved past wanting to be with him and currently the canon suggests she's also moved past whatever she was about to do with Az on Solstice since there are zero signs to argue otherwise. There is also zero evidence of Az still wanting to be with Elain in any way now that we're 5 months beyond Solstice. 7 if you count HOFAS.

Right now I think the only thing canon truly supports is that Elain is showing no romantic interest in anyone, male or human. 5 months is a long time. Feyre left Tamlin then was mated to Rhys within 5 months and Elain was not mentioned as shedding a tear for Graysen in that same length of time, not mentioned as looking Az's way in that time, not having a reaction (good or bad) to Lucien in that time.

So to your question, canon does not support Elain wanting Lucien but it doesn't support her currently wanting Az. Canon also never supported her wanting to start a relationship with Az, canon doesn't support her wanting a mating bond with Az, canon doesn't support her having any desire to go forward with a forbidden love with Az.

Does that mean it's what she's actually feeling for Lucien or even Az? We can't say for sure because we don't have her POV but if we're truly basing this discussion off canon alone than Elain doesn't currently seem interested in anyone. It's not fair for e/riels to claim she still wants Az 5 months later as no canon supports it, that is their headcanon. Not to mention it's their headcanon she wanted to have a relationship with Az in the first place. There is no canon proving she'd be willing to seriously date him.

But as far as what I genuinely think (your phrasing)? I think Elain is struggling with the pull she feels towards Lucien and it scares her.

I don't think all Elucien's assume Sarah will pair Elucien together simply because they're mates. There are many layers behind what we feel.

I do think Elucien's use logic based on Sarah's writing and that logic tells us that characters don't simply ignore a mating bond. In canon, the bond creates a tug to the other that can never be truly forgotten. Based on that canon we hypothesis that there is a lot going on under the surface which is why she's hidden Elain's thoughts from us. She's the only main side character from the original cast who has never been given a POV and there's got to be a reason for that. Sarah was willing to share her almost kiss with Az but never her actual thoughts for Lucien who she suddenly began ignoring in ACOFAS after the events of ACOWAR and that seems a bit purposeful doesn't it? How a kiss isn't a secret but what she feels about the bond she says she doesn't want is?

While we've got no proof showing she wants Lucien, we were given so many examples of the author making an effort to show their compatibility. We were given a bunch of crumbs as to where Elain's future journey could take her and many crumbs placing Lucien in those same places. The author wrote Lucien (not Az) meeting Elain's father. We were given a bunch of scenarios where we're left wondering WHY Elain behaved a certain way towards Lucien especially after she defended him to Graysen, after she took a step as if she'd stop him from searching for Vassa, after she did follow he and Feyre instead of staying behind at her father's grave, after they were left together to wash up after the war, after she invited him to come back to Velaris but only after all that she began completely ignoring him for unexplained reasons. Based on Sarah's writing that pull and push typically means a character is struggling with her pull / desire for the other person and things aren't so one dimensional as "she doesn't like him!" If she didn't like him then why take a step as if to stop him? Why follow him instead of staying with her father's grave? Why peer up at him? Why invite him to Velaris?

We've been in this place before with a Sarah book. "Why did the character do that only to do an abrupt 180?" We saw it with Nesta, who was willing to die with Cassian in ACOWAR only to do the most 180's of all 180's by giving her virginity to someone else in the novella. To telling Cassian she wanted nothing to do with him though we knew she did. So Elucien's are only waiting to see how the author deals with Elain and her inner thoughts of Lucien. We don't think Elain's setup is going to be any less complex than Nesta's was. We believe the author is going to tell a story that is deep and meaningful. And while Elain's current setup doesn't prove this to us just yet, it is canon that Sarah has given that exact treatment to every single one of her mated pairs, whether the FMC was struggling with what she felt or the MMC (as we saw with Rowan and his bond with Aelin), so it would be silly for us to think Elain would be the only one who isn't given that same complexity.

While the textual evidence does not necessarily prove Elain has feelings for Lucien, I think it's valid for Elucien's to use textual evidence of Sarah's past writing patterns to predict the direction she's taking them.

I have no problem admitting that current canon doesn't prove Elain wants Lucien but I've never seen a e/riel admit that current canon, by the end of SF, also doesn't prove Elain wants Az. That canon never proved she wanted a relationship with him at all. Canon doesn't even prove she called his scars beautiful considering Feyre said she wasn't sure if she was referring to his Siphons yet they still hold on to that one.

Canon proves Elain loved Graysen though he was an asshole, canon proves that she was willing to hook up with Az with no proof of anything more, and canon proves that she shares a mating bond with Lucien that she'll never be able to completely forget ("it will be a bond that will trail her for the rest of her existence") though she's currently trying her best which results in weirdness for everyone. That is all the canon proves.

From a romance standpoint, only one of those storylines typically has staying power.

[velvetvexations]

it’s driving me up the wall that the statement “trans women, notably those in the public eye, are frequently the target of transphobic harassment campaigns, so perhaps take a moment to check the source before you spread any callouts or accusations to make sure you’re not falling for TERF or kiwifarms misinformation” is now being misused by some to mean “if you ever see a trans woman with a big platform say something loaded/bigoted/openly hateful of her own free volition to her whole audience with her full chest, you’re not ever allowed to confront her about this or you’re personally responsible for every hate comment or harassment she receives ever” like it’s SO insidious to tell marginalised people they should shut up and take it. full offence, that musician is a grown woman who willingly puts her opinions on a public blog with her name attached, nobody was holding a gun to her head demanding she made those dumbass comments, and acting like she’s too frail to take accountability for what she does or shouldn’t be expected to learn that actions have consequences is laughable. yes people are now taking it too far but this happens every time, bc some people are just as immature AND bc bad faith parties love taking advantage of situations like this to instigate even more shit. again, insisting marginalised groups should let some big name individual be bigoted to them to protect her from harassment or else be blamed for it is so unbelievably entitled. the same thing goes for that “people just use accusations of racism against trans women to be transmisogynistic” post, these people need a reality check and realise they’re not the only victims in existence.

none of the following anger is directed at you, anons

I wanna be clear that I have no idea what's going on with Patricia Taxxon. She blocked me awhile ago and aside from seeing her post about transandrophobia and knowing someone made a parody comic about her that I didn't like primarily for the phrase "born female,"* I don't really know about the situation around her as it stands because I don't keep track of random radfems.

As this first anon said, a popular musician using their platform to be horrible to another marginalized group should get sprayed with water like a cat and the fact that she's a bigot be on the record. Weaponizing old nudes or dragging up old accusations of things, however, is bad and should not be done. It's just not a thing you should be doing to someone, no matter how much you think they deserve it.

There are a lot of White women saying things like "trans women get accused of racism to deflect accusations of transmisogyny." It's annoying that people acting in bad faith are giving fuel to the fire that any criticism of trans women is inherently transmisogyny. She's never going to connect the dots between "people are upset with the things I said" and "I said extremely harmful and hurtful things" if her victim complex is being validated. It's also going to encourage them to continue harassing and spreading shit about me, and possibly escalate to digging up past stuff to call me out on, because I guarantee you eventually one of them is going to say something like "so karmic of this to happen to Velvet after she reblogged all those posts accusing Emily Programmersocks of sacrificing children to Satan" as though that's a thing that's ever happened.

Stop harassing her, if that is indeed what's happening, because, again, I do not keep track of the latest events in TRF World.

*yes, in spite of me personally calling myself male, I still think that's a bad thing! wow!

[nalyra-dreaming]

What do you think about the choice to change the circumstances around Claudia's turning from the book? Lestat doing it almost just to see what would happen/baby trapping Louis vs Lestat doing it because Louis, out of his mind from grief, begged him to.

Hmm.

Difficult :) I have to expand a bit here, to explain my thoughts:

The show... made some very welcome choices, they made Louis "more", they made it all "more" in a way, they updated the story, and I'm glad they did.

But by doing that they created, let's call it repercussions.

Because... every little change has ripple effects on arcs, and there are arcs in the books. Arcs that span all thirteen books of the VC.

The Lestat in the book is very young still. Only like 10 years a vampire. 30 years in mortal age. He has had a shit life, has been raped into darkness, impossible choices laid at his feet (letting his mother die and his lover behind, both of which he could not), got beef (to put it mildly) with Armand almost immediately because he unknowingly broke the rules that Armand lived by, and then traveled the world, increasingly disillusioned, until Marius found him. And sent him to live out a human life after the little fiasco with Akasha, because Lestat was so young still.

A lot of the events unfolding hinges on the fact that Lestat is still very young. And almost naïve. Rash. Very impulsive. He wants to see what happens. He is hungry for the world (again). And he is very close in powers to Louis.

He falls head over heels in love with Louis, fatally, and wants to keep that love, because of all the shit that already has happened, in such a short amount of time.

The Lestat in the show is not that.

He is ~130 years old when he encounters Louis. A lot more jaded, a lot more... angry. A lot more powerful, too. We know he returned to Paris, and I think the show has already given us the hints as to the "why" with the dates on Nicolas' tomb as well as the Talamasca files.

We know he encountered Akasha (and therefore Enkil and Marius) as well. We know Marius still slapped him with a gag order. Likely also threatened him, like in the book. But we don't know why Marius had sent this older Lestat away (or why Lestat may have left, which is also a possibility, given the backstory Armand told). The Lestat who had not only been turned at a later point in life, but also had likely encountered Marius and Those Who Must Be Kept at a point where he had already lived "a mortal life".

This Lestat knows a thing or two about covens, and the passage of time, better than the book Lestat does. He addresses the loneliness in the opera, with Louis, they address it at the trial. He knows that loneliness. This Lestat has had, by returning to Paris, to deal with Armand, repeatedly. He and Armand have not found a way to consume their relationship, for reasons that will likely stay the same as in the book but which weigh much more heavily, imho, if broken up again and again, over the decades (by Lestat returning). Something likely also happened to make the theater relocate.

This Lestat likely knows the rules a lot better. Knows what Armand can do, and does, too.

This Lestat knows that there's only a few dozen of them out there and what that means for them in terms of loneliness and pain much better, too.

This Lestat knows what it means for Claudia if he turns her this young. Maybe he's seen it. Maybe not. But he has experience. A LOT more experience living this existence.

There were hints that he understands, very well, like the not-translated rant at the chess game. Like the resistance to Claudia being turned, even in Louis' first version. Like the opera. A lot of discussions and comments to Louis.

And there were hints that there were things that made him afraid. And that he really, really did not want them to go to Paris.

Which must have had reasons, obviously.

There were hints already in the show and interviews, that Armand might have more to do with Nicolas' death than... even in the book (where he starves him, drives him even more mad, and chops of Nicolas' hands!!).

This Lestat must have known about Armand's reasoning there, the reasoning we hear some of as well when Armand is threatening to burn Louis in the tunnels in s2. Because he must have heard them, or heard of them, after Nicolas.

All this combined....

All this combined made it quite logical for me that this Lestat... would not have the drive to "see what happens". He has likely seen what happens. Maybe not first hand, but he has seen enough.

He also knows the rules others live by, and knows what would happen if she would encounter certain other vampires.

This Lestat could only be forced emotionally, despite his better judgement - because he already had that better judgment.

This is the "Lestat side of things". :)

The "Louis side of things" has similar changes to consider which carry repercussions.

This Louis is a bit older, too. He is also harder, or can be harder, has a "business persona" that he carries like a shield.

He is under constant pressure, a lot more and way more stifling pressure than his book counterpart. This Louis wears a lot of hats (as Jacob put it), never really fitting in anywhere.

And Lestat, obviously aided by the mind gift :)) - sees him.

Challenges him on that.

For Louis this being seen must have felt cataclysmic. And it was, it came with life-changing events, of course, but the decision to accept those events was born from this being seen, this awareness of the entirety of his being, the good, the bad, the ugly.

It came with the promise to free Louis from the shackles of the world around him.

And of course that promise... had to fail.

And it made Louis suffer.

Of course.

The disappointment stemming from that simple fact, the disillusionment of that promised freedom being an illusion ... must have been like poison, on every breath.

I would like to point out that it was not a deliberately "fake promise", imho. The Dark Gift did free Gabrielle, she quite literally threw off the shackles of society, I bet we'll see that in s3. But it could not do the same for Louis, and it must have hurt them both.

That breaking, broken promise then tainted everything, whether they wanted it to, or not.

Louis' moral arguments re killing were never that in the book, and I don't think they're here as well. Louis' efforts to control his eating are means to regain control over a life that has spiraled out of control, because he cannot return.

When the Storyville arc unfolds, Louis is watching the repercussions of his actions. He has been rash, he has been arrogant, and he has reveled in it, for a moment. And now others suffer for it.

Letting himself go in the "vampiric way" has resulted in a lot of suffering.

That is the lesson that sticks.

His mother sees the devil, he has frightened his sister and her children. Deep down Louis knows that there is no way back, that he is other. Deep down he knows he will only find happiness with his own kind.

And he rejects that notion, of course, because the promise has broken.

He leaves Lestat, because ultimately Lestat is the reason he killed the Alderman. Because Louis cannot help but reject the vampiric aspects of himself at that point.

But Louis loves Lestat.

And he knows it, too.

And so he is stuck in that catch-22, in that predicament, needing to find a way out, aware there is none, unable to truly leave, and wanting to return.

And Claudia... Claudia is the answer.

Claudia is the band aid for the rift. Claudia is the reason to return. Claudia sees him as an angel. Claudia is the bargaining chip.

It's never about her. Unfortunately.

Claudia, the daughter of a family he cannot have (had) otherwise.

Because Louis knows, that even in a mortal life, he would not have had children, in all likelihood.

Because Louis is gay. Oh, he has of course the possibility, if he bends himself into shape. But when we meet him it is clear he only keeps the facade. By entering a relationship with Lestat, no matter the vampiric aspect, he dismissed that possibility, too.

And that, too, gnaws at him.

Louis, in the show, has to ask Lestat to turn her, because Lestat knows better.

And Louis needs to ask, because it is the only way he can consolidate all the warring pieces within himself, his self, his world, his state of being, his morals, his hopes - for a while at least.

[heartcircus]

I love Mapicc and Derap’s bickering and mutual disdain, but god I wish there was someone in Mapicc’s corner who could like. Help give Zam a bit of perspective on how Derap is bending the narrative and painting Mapicc in a negative light to push Zam into choosing him bc Zam has to be the one defending Mapicc in every conversation and the more they have the more it feels like Zam’s resolve is shifting. The fact that Derap is kind of unchallenged here is like. Miserable. I don’t hate Derap but I do want things to fall apart for him bc he is just making this so much worse and Zam needs to talk to someone else. I hope Pangi tells him Derap invited him. I hope Mapicc stalks one of their conversations and gets the chance to defend himself. Planet saying Mapicc was Zam’s bestie and Zam getting choked up and just repeating “yeah” was like. Such a good moment. Reminding Zam of what they were. Can we get another girltalk if we’re doing season 4 i think we should bring back girltalk (this probably will not help). Can someone defend my dog I don’t care if he’s in the wrong I just want someone to make it clear he’s not the only one in the wrong

yeah, i definitely agree, mapicc does need someone in his corner and it's unfortunate that there's really just . no one . i don't know whether or not it's intentional that derap is pushing for zam to choose him over mapicc, in my opinion it could go either way, but i don't think he's going to like the answer he'll inevitably end up getting (that it's mapicc. it's always mapicc.).

i'm also in the same boat as you towards atlas lmao i like them, i find them cute, but i definitely think they're due for some confrontation/contestation over how derap talks to zam. even aside from mapicc, he tells zam a bunch of half-truths despite constantly reiterating that he Never lies to zam. like, the whole 'pangi found zaun on his own' thing was so weird because i don't really think zam would've been all that mad if derap just told him he showed pangi the place ? it's just a bunch of little things like that which will eventually add up over time

i'm a big devotioner, i love those guys, and as much as i love seeing them at odds with one another this time it's just so painful. it's something about seeing them both Refuse to fight one another and making that rather clear but still being unable to work together. they're just stuck at this god-awful crossroads and i can't wait for their time to come back around, whatever that means, just as long as they're together again.

[fantasywater]

An analysis of Octavia's and Blitz's callouts toward Stolas vs Stolas's against Stella

I've finally realized why Stolas's call out scene to Stella doesn't work,but Blitz's and Via's toward him does.

It's because Stolas is 100% in the wrong in all three of these cases.

When you're writing a take back my power scene, for the protagonists to enact toward their aggressor, then there must be proper buildup to it to induce catharsis when the scene happens.

Octavia's buildup of Child Neglect:

-Loolooland

-Ozzie's Song

-Seeing Stars

-Mastermind

Sinmas is the payoff.

Blitz's buildup of Sexual Extortion:

-Murder Family

-Loolooland

-Harvest Moon Festival

-TruthSeekers

-Ozzie's

-Oops

FullMoon is the payoff.

Stolas buildup of Spousal Abuse:

In the Circus Stella says some brutally honest ribbing that morning, and then at the party to her two friends and yea that's it.

The Circus is the payoff.

The same episode that the badly written abuse is featured in and then never seen again.

The issue with Stolas's tormentor is that we were introduced to her as the wronged party. Then Stolas keeps wronging her in every episode he's featured in season one. So when he has his call out it falls flat because she is the one that was aggrieved by him.

Furthermore since the balcony scene happens directly after Ozzie's her trying to slap him is still in the vein of his adultery which is understandable. Her trying to kill him also falls under it.

It also helps her case that our main characters are assassins and Murder Family featured a cheated on women being portrayed sympathetically for trying to do the exact thing Stella did.

So, except for saying some mean but true words in a flashback, all her aggressive actions towards Stolas are a direct result of his infidelity.

As a matter of fact her call out toward for his infidelity in LooLooland is the one that seems legitimate more then his in the Circus because again she is the wronged party of his remorseless and repeated adultery.

Even in Loolooland all three of his victims are hostile toward him throughout the episode, and Via's call out on that apple cart backs her mother's anger earlier in the kitchen for the same offense.

Even Via's new call out in Sinmas touches on his infidelity again therefore further vindicating Stella.

I also love that the Stolitz fans final save has been squashed by Octavia in this same episode.

They thought that if Via found out her father martyred himself for her then she'll be on his side about Stella.

However, by finding the pills she came to the correct assumption that he stayed miserable (circus balcony scene) because of her, and that she was an obligation(arranged for an heir). Basically she was still pissed at him about those revelations not sympathetic.

Blitz and Via's felt earned because they had proper buildup of being 100% the victim getting catharsis from their abuser Stolas. All Stella's present day actions against him are because of his adultery, and her only pre-infidelity meanness were some brutal honesty to friends that came and went in the same episode.Therefore his catharsis scene felt forced just to justify him blowing his family up.

[bluedalahorse]

An Ode to August’s Black Turtleneck

A post written for YRFavesFest2024, graciously hosted by @youngroyals-events. This is in response to prompt #32.

credit to @all-things-sigust for the screencap

August’s black turtleneck is pitch-perfect characterization via costuming.

Why?

Let’s start with color, because it’s an obvious place to start. August isn’t a straightforward villain, but he plays a villainous role in season one. Villains traditionally wear a lot of black in western media, so it fits in with that aspect of his characterization. This is the part of my post that almost felt silly to write, because it’s so obvious, but it must be stated all the same.

Then there’s the high collar. It’s a guarded look, which goes well with August having so many walls up in the first season. It continues with the villain-coding theme by reminding us of vampire capes and other such sinister accessories. For those of you who are also Interview with the Vampire fans, you’ll probably be reminded of Armand’s turtleneck in season 2 episode 5, which he wears in a scene where he’s finally put on the defensive. Young Royals often communicates August’s vulnerability by showing him naked or half-naked, and what is August’s turtleneck if not the opposite of his nakedness?

credit to @andthatisnotfake for the screencap

The last thing I want to note about August’s turtleneck is the striking contrast with his “white party” outfit in season three. August has dramatic character growth over the course of the series (yes, he does) and the costuming team chooses to reflect this in his changing outfits. The first season gives us August in a lot of darker colors as he plays the antagonist. In season 3, as we learn about August’s past as a victim of the initiations and as someone who wants to change, he wears lighter colors. The guardedness also falls away and we see more open collars. (Not to mention the scene during the sit-in, where August wears a goldish turtleneck and an open white jacket and starts to open up—not all the way—about his eating disorder. Conflicted August, perhaps?) What can I say? We love when costuming reflects a character arc!

You should own a black turtleneck too, by the way.

Unless you don’t want to, or you don’t like the way turtlenecks feel. I mean. Whatever. I’m not the boss of you.

(This is the Fashion Notes With Blue section of the post.)

Fun fact: I owned a black turtleneck sweater even before I started watching Young Royals, and I love it. It’s a classic piece I can pair with lots of other wardrobe items, so it feels like a good investment. It also keeps me warm on my winter commutes.

Generally I tend to style my own turtleneck as part of a mod ensemble or dark academia look. Sometimes I pair it with a coral jumper/pinafore dress, leggings, and boots. Other times I’ll try it with a plaid or tweet skirt, and sometimes a blazer or beret. I have a copper-ish raven skeleton necklace that stands out well against it. All of these looks help me to project a certain level of don’t fuck with me, so I wear them on days when I want that for myself.

I always recommend acquiring a clothing item that reminds you of a blorbo, especially when it’s a solid, comfortable, and versatile wardrobe staple. That’s what my black turtleneck sweater is for me. 

What are some of your favorite fandom-inspired wardrobe pieces?

This American Girl doll also wanted to model a black turtleneck for this post. If you think she looks like August’s daughter in an AU fic, no she doesn’t.

[oopsiedaisiesbaby]

Felon!Gale x Felonitis!John HC’s

I want to turn this into a full fic so bad but my brain is not braining lately so we’re just rolling with rambling bullet points. Brought to you by Austin’s buzzed head 🥰 A million thanks to @avonne-writes for the significantly better quality pics ❤️❤️❤️

Gale’s in prison for homicide. He originally only murdered his abusive ex and could’ve gotten away with it either due to lack of evidence or because it as self-defense. But, people in the community know and start coming to him with their own horror stories and Gale quietly takes care of these POS’ after some vetting. He gets away with it for awhile because he’s taking care of some real low life’s that the police are lowkey grateful they don’t have to deal with anymore until one of his victim’s family’s raises a huge stink and this open secret is busted and Gale ends up convicted with a life sentence.

He ends up with a buzzed head because of a lice outbreak and then it’s so much easier to deal with he just keeps it buzzed.

They get a new guard “call me Bucky” assigned to his unit (not new to the job just the facility) and Gale is immediately amused by this cocky goofball who somehow befriends them all without hesitation and without being a try hard. He insists on calling Gale “Buck” and while Gale hates the name itself, he sees the twinkle in John’s eyes and knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s certifiably insane for flirting with some serving life for multiple homicides, but Gale kind of likes that about him.

The flirting gets to a truly sickening level, the other inmates are disgusted (affectionate) and start playfully calling out favoritism. While they’re joking, it does make John realize that he’s being way too obvious. So he pulls Gale into a closet and tries to set the record straight except Gale’s immediately on him and John suddenly finds himself splayed out on the closet floor, hands sliding over that buzzed head as Gale sucks his soul out through his dick and then eats him out so good he cries. John’s begging for Gale to come all over his face by the end.

Then, it just doesn’t stop. They’re constantly dragging each other into hiding spots so that Gale can fuck John against the wall or ride John in the laundry room floor while choking him a bit. The fact that those hands have choked someone to death just makes it even hotter for John. It’s all unbearably hot and they cannot keep their hands to themselves and they’re both a little cuckoo bananas but that’s part of the appeal.

It’s not all about the sex though. They start talking and genuinely falling for each other. John starts banging on about breaking Gale out. It makes Gale heart soar to know John cares that much but he’s also not about to let John ruin his entire life for him. There’s no way they don’t get caught. So, Gale humors him but keeps shutting it down because it’s too dangerous and John starts getting frustrated because he thinks it means Gale doesn’t want to be with him. Gale’s a little concerned that if he somehow were to ever get out, John wouldn’t want him anymore without the thrill.

They break up for a little bit. The vibes are so rancid, the rest of Gale’s unit are sweating and doing their damnedest to try and get them back together because mom and dad fighting like this is not good for anyone. They all like John being their guard and things run so much smoother when he’s there and they’re anxious he’s gonna transfer (he would never) to another unit. Someone ends up locking them in a closet together and they end up fucking mean and nasty and so loud that the inmates assigned to guard them have second hand embarrassment. They talk and makeup afterward of course and everyone takes a collective sigh of relief.

The public is all still madly in love with Gale and raise enough money to get him a new lawyer and somehow, they get Gale out on a technicality and gets his record scrubbed. They definitely live happily ever after and come up with some whacky role plays to keep the spice alive ❤️

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Achilles Come Down (Gang Of Youths)

The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken/Remember the pact of our youth/Where you go, I’m going, so jump and I’m jumping/Since there is no me without you

How, the most dangerous thing is to love/How, you will heal and you'll rise above/Crowned by an overture bold and beyond/Ah, it's more courageous to overcome.

You may feel no purpose/Nor a point for existing/It's all just conjecture and gloom/And there may not be meaning/So find one and seize it/Do not waste your self on this roof

Soldier on, Achilles, Achilles, come down/Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

"I'm sure you'll get other submissions for this one. I have no idea who this band even are outside of this song but it fucks me up like it does everyone else. It's the tragic love of it all. The desperation of trying to save your loved one from themselves. Or are the narrators of the song Achilles' own conscience representing his indecision on whether to kill himself or not? It can mean so many things and SO many parts of the lyrics are very poetic and powerful. (also again for me this makes me cry over a Specific Blorbo in this case Dimitri Blaiddyd but that doesnt matter)"

"The cellos in the background, the lyrics, telling the story of Achilles, the fact that it's fucking 7min long, it's beautiful, it breaks me to then pull me back together, it gave me hope in a moment where I wasn't in the best mental space, it's like getting undressed to your very soul only to be cover up with a weighted blanket afterwards and be told "it'll be alright." It's like that image with the guy that's like "this is cinema" but with a song, god I love this song so much"

"Ohhhg my god. It’s so. It’s a fucking heartbreaking song but it gives hope (^^see abovw lyrics. there may not be meaning so find one and seize it gets me the most). I can’t say anymore about it but yeah"

"Achilles is about to jump off the roof, his lover is trying to convince him not to. the vibe of this song itself is so unique, the violin and the segments of French reading really grip at your soul. Towards the end there are two voices seemingly arguing. One voice is Achilles’s inner monologue and the other is his lover trying to yell over it. This part is my favorite, especially if you’re envisioning your blorbo. Tbh in my darkest times I would fall asleep to the ten hour loop every night. It felt like laying on a rooftop and looking out at the stars and the street lights. I think maybe it kept me from doing things I would regret."

Drift Away (Steven Universe)

You keep on turning pages/For people who don’t care/People who don’t care about you/And still it takes you ages/To see that no one’s there/See that no one’s there/Everyone’s gone on without you

"Being stuck in one place while people, well, drift away and leave you behind. Realizing that relationships don’t always last forever. But waiting and hoping that, eventually, you’ll come back to each other, before realizing that’s not gonna happen."

Drift Away submitted by @angelicdevil

[zuzuelectricbugaloo]

Tête-à-Tête: Deux

Rating: Teen

Pairing: None, though Cross and Epic’s relationship is left romantically ambiguous

Synopsis: Nightmare takes the first shot, striking at Epic’s deepest loves and insecurities

CW: Referenced Epictale characters’ deaths

Word Count: 1, 085

Part 1, Part 2 of A Guardian, A Scientist, and A Parlay

With that solid shake, they let their hands return to their sides. Nightmare’s form rippled, his body melting and shifting from blobs moving from one direction the next before it stopped at one mold of a body.

A familiar one, as lines settled in and the fluidity cleared to reveal the form of Epic’s best and dearest friend.

“Cross” dropped his chin in his open fist and propped his elbow up. His eyes lower and he places his other hand on the table invitingly, ivory eyelights flickering cyan (teal?) as he smiles, fond and crooked just like Cross would.

But Epic knows this isn’t Cross, and watches in careful neutrality as Nightmare takes the first shot.

“So, tell me,” apart from the sultry lilt to his tenor, Nightmare mimicked Cross’s cadence perfectly, even matching him pitch for pitch. “How does it feel, dude, to constantly live with the fact that you failed your dearest friend? That you let me die and lose everything important to me.”

Nightmare’s forlorn melancholy is betrayed by the way his mouth lifts at the corners. “My memories, my sense of self, my family, my worth. I lost everything, falling into an endless pit of despair that I dragged the multiverse into while you were gallivanting off in the Omega Timeline making new friends.”

“That’s not how it—”

“Cross’s” mouth quivered, tears welling in his sockets. “How could you abandon me like that?”

It’s not Cross. Epic knows this. And still the guilt simmers low in his nonexistent gut, burning him from the inside. To hear Cross’s voice, so broken and betrayed, it hurt. His Soul aches hearing it, a dark voice in the back of his mind murmuring if that was truly how Cross felt.

Even though Epic at the time didn’t know what happened to Cross, didn’t know how to find him or if he could, or how he’d still apologized and his bruh brushed it off. He couldn’t help but always worry if Cross truly meant it.

And Nightmare played those insecurities and fears like a well worn instrument, plucking his strings one by one until he fell apart.

“Do I mean nothing to you, Epic?”

His Soul weeps. Of course not! How could you be nothing, when you mean everything?

“Cross” sobs into his hands, tears flowing and melting away with his body as Nightmare shifts once more.

His Soul crumbles with him. He hated seeing Cross cry, wanted to wipe away his tears and kiss his tear-stained sockets and nuzzle his jaw and hold him close

Epic tries so, so hard, but he always, always falls.

“And it’s not only Cross that you’ve failed, is it, Epic?”

The form of the Frisk he once knew appeared, eyes hidden by their bangs. “You let your Gaster kill me,” they murmured.

Another pang in his Soul for the loss of such a young, innocent life.

He’d gotten there too late.

Chara replaced them. “You let him possess me, used my body to fight you.”

Another child he couldn’t save.

“You should’ve died.” They accuse. “You did die.”

He always did.

“You died, and he killed Papyrus next.”

They condensed and grew until they towered over Epic as Gaster. “And let me live once more.”

“If it weren’t for your oh so precious friend,” Gaster’s eyes narrowed in displeasure. “Destroying the barrier and stealing our AU’s code, you’d still be dead.”

Ha, as if that bothered him. Dying was easy for Epic. It was living, wanting to and enjoying being alive, that was hard. “Got me there.”

Everything was…murky, after that. He remembered the AU resetting because of Cross’s Determination. How Gaster still had his own body but he and Papyrus kept the Eyes, Chara and Frisk were nowhere to be found, and Epic…

Epic made and lost a best friend in one. He lived in the Omega Timeline after, while his brother chose to stay in their AU, befriended Color and Delta, and never once stopped thinking about his best friend. Cross had disappeared from what he now knew was an Overwrite, all his memories of their friendship gone, and Epic was left with memories of what was and will never be again.

But what Nightmare didn’t know was that Epic understood people would always change. That Cross and he would always be the bestest of friends. Epic didn’t love Cross any less and never would. Cross still had the same crooked grin, the same laugh, the same fire in his eyes and heart made of the unfathomable and infinitesimal galaxies Epic adored.

Epic was more than happy to create new memories with Cross as long as he could still hold his hand in his and watch the same silly shows together or laugh over the tacos Cross had made. As long as he could still cradle his face and tell him how much he meant to him and watch Cross light up with the loveliest lilac blush that made Epic’s Soul sing.

Epic may have failed over and over again, but as long as he had people to love he’d never stop trying to amend for his failures nor stop trying to keep what’s most precious to him safe and happy. Epic was useless – he couldn’t save them or help them when they needed him. He knew this.

But that didn’t mean he’d ever stop loving them, or ever stop reminding them how they are loved and wanted in his life and what made it worth living.

A skeleton with a black bandana decorated in the royal rune beams at him in his mind’s eye, calling his name and waving at him to join the rest of their friends.

His Soul warms and it’s enough to push away the ice and claw out of the dark hole he’d been thrown in. He’s fallen into it plenty of times. This isn’t the first time he’d fallen nor would it be the last he dug himself out.

Evidently his affirmed resolve and reminiscences must’ve disgusted Nightmare. “Gaster” vanished with a low, curdled sneer, as Nightmare took his place once more.

“Nothing to say, Epic?” Nightmare goaded. “Not even going to try to defend yourself?”

It took him a few moments to gather his thoughts, his chest still tight with regret. But when he puts it all away as he does, saving it for later, for when it’s safer to fall apart, he will. Now, he’s got a part to play.

It's curtain call, and he was born to perform.

[merekhopper]

The pyromancer frowned, tilting his head slightly as he listened. "I doubt it will happen. Most of the men on the council have gotten a little more cautious because of that and, even then, they're old enough that it shouldn't be at all easy for them to fall victim to another attempt. But I understand your concern. Unfortunately, he's here now and I don't think the council will approve killing him unless he does something incredibly stupid again." There wasn't much Merek himself could do in the meantime other than making sure that the castle stayed well guarded. His brow furrowed for a moment, but the small concern was wiped from Merek's face as he chuckled softly at the question.

"I was joking, love. Imagine me attempting to punish anyone, I'd be perfectly abysmal at it. No, being punished is much more my thing." When it was done for fun, anyway. The times when he'd wound up in actual trouble with a master had been awful, especially when some of them had caught on to the fact that a public punishment was a good way to get lessons to stick with the pyromancer. The chief of staff made a face at the memories, though he was distracted rather quickly by the feel of Magnai's hand moving further up. He took a deep breath, trying to control himself instead of crowding closer to the older man like he wanted. Merek didn't completely win that battle since he edged across the bench, his gaze focused on Magnai's mouth before he realized that the hybrid had spoken again.

"Hm?" He replied, clearly not having listened fully, and gave himself a little mental shake even as he leaned into Magnai's side. "Oh. Yes. The party? I mean, I don't really need to do all that much at the end of the day. Most of it will be spent in the village with various parties held by whatever restaurant or club feels like participating. It's mostly just been me getting in contact with various business owners and seeing if they're interested before I offer any help. Mostly it's just been a lot of boring phone calls and heading out to the village to get plans going."

"And if one of the copycats manage to do what the whelp didn't?" Magnai said grimly, "Becomes a bit too late to teach that lesson." It wasn't a pleasant thing to consider, but Magnai's job wasn't considering pleasantness. It was anticipating what might go wrong and ensuring it never did. Merek knew that responsibility too and Magnai believed he acted accordingly, for all the pyromancer's constant levity. The other's question made it clear just how little Merek considered the slave a threat and Magnai shook his head, still stubbornly all business in this at least, "Not until he learns his place. Troublemakers like that only get worse with an audience. They buckle quicker when they think no one else will know." He peered at Merek then, skeptical, "And since when have you taken interest in inflicting punishments, Hopper? Didn't think that was up your alley."

Magnai found he liked that surprised look on the other's face, as if he'd stumbled upon a way to actually make Merek be serious for even a moment. The pyromancer was warm under his hand, the heat of his body seeping through the fabric of his clothes. It'd been a long time since Magnai ran hot like that. "You've done more in worse places," The varcolac stated, not a question (or a judgement, for that matter). He slid his touch a little higher to truly get at his skin, the short hair at Merek's nape tickling his palm. Magnai made a low, thoughtful noise without meaning to. It was too close to the full moon to toy around like this - all that warmth was making his teeth itch. "We won't discuss the slaves then," Magnai said amiably, steamrolling right past Merek's words, "Tell me about your ideas for the celebrations."

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! Do you have any patterns/resources/advice on sewing corsets/bodices/stays/stuff like that? I have once again reached the "wow I hate bras and bra shopping" point of the "having to replace clothes as they wear out" cycle

[cosmic-chelonian]

The fact that there are so many lore inconsistencies in Dr Who is sometimes a good thing actually because it means I feel justified in having headcanons that vastly and grossly contradict show canon. If the writers can ignore things they don't like why can't I.