#and do i risk my life by tagging this with anything
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my “glupp shitto” is white girl indie musicians. have you heard the new song by alina keithtonsmith?? how about maisie peters? what do you MEAN you don’t like cindy lizzie? ashley mcrichards just dropped a new album!! how have you not heard of gracie abrams!!! i cant decide my favorite alyssakate beth song. i think its between “made a diaper mess” and “hip impingement”. whitesie mckinley is such a visionary. im such a sad girl!!! to be a woman is to perform!!! what, do you hate women?? do you not respect womens rights to refuse to acknowledge artists of color because it puts us in an uncomfortable position?? whats wrong with you?
#bishangzoy#does this count as a vent post#and do i risk my life by tagging this with anything#white feminism
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There's taking your crush out and then there's taking your crush out!
#B'Elanna Torres#B'Elanna#this has secret lore in my head which is that after 'extreme risk' she starts boxing with Chakotay#she doesn't really want to at first (she doesn't want to do anything) but he insists on it#I think she'd have a love/hate relationship with it...it's sort of teetering on the edge#but it's better than Tuvok's meditation at this point in her life bc just sitting still and thinking about her life will only cause her to#spiral. Anyway - that's not at all really reflected in the piece#it's just B'Elanna taking her feelings for a certain someone to the RING!!!!#bea art tag#st voyager#star trek voyager#star trek#st voy
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#ЕDblr found sobbing and shaking and bawling as former ED sufferer both eating good as hell AND hot as hell#to all ΕDblr people i wish u a very fuck off to all non-ЕDblr people suffering from food issues i am rooting for u u have got this#i promise u that u look good and i need u 2 know that you're doing nothing wrong by eating#the guilt is built on foundations of marketing lies and exploitation. it's put there to sell you products. u look good.#if u wouldn't feel guilty for watering a plant‚ refilling a car‚ or charging a phone‚ u shouldn't feel bad for eating#it's sustenance!! that's all!! but it's sustenance that enriches ur life and if u let it‚ can make u happier than anything else in the worl#spiritually i am leaving u all a portion of my noodles outside ur door. u don't gotta eat em all but u do gotta try em they're good#🤝#also yes that is the cyrillic ye im not risking a bunch of dumbasses in those tags finding this post
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Okay but I need to be someone's beloved wifepet and belong to them completely and be able to pour my whole energy into just loving them. When will it be my turn!
#it won't be honestly#I do not think I will ever actually get to have that#I'm not pretty and I'm disabled in ways that both physically and mentally make me unappealing#so no one really wants anything real with me#especially JUST with me#and I'm *scared* of hurting someone with my craziness tbh#and I only trust like. 3 people at all rn and for various reasons none of those people and I are going to date#and in most of those cases I'm very relieved and in the other there's mixed feelings but mostly positive bc again. i don't want to hurt any1#but i still yearn for it#it's still an emotional need#and I hate that it just isn't ever going to be met#it actually hurts so so badly knowing it won't be met#but i also understand that some people just dont get that kind of happiness#some of us just don't get to be loved#some of us are too ugly and crippled and insane for people to *want* us#i just don't really... want to keep going knowing thay#I'll post it here in the tags bc no one i know reads this blog#(a few know about it but it's not like anyone ever checks it)#but I'm definitely ideating and at risk rn#and i feel pathetic that this is what's doing it#but im an emotionally gooey person and a physical touch person and I'd already been thinking relationships probably werent something i can#like. even do#but then there was a blowup with my ex and like. it was made clear that i can not safely engage with anyone#like emotionally or romantically or sexually#because I'll just hurt them.#like there are parts of me i would like to change but are such a core part of me that they will never change#and they will always hurt someone if we're together ling enough#so im just going to idk.#isolate now tbh#im just gonna cry so much and know i will NEVER have what i emotionally need out of life
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swiftie mutuals please know that i still love you i just cant help but be a hater
#my opinions on ts are complex#like i think she's an insanely good and hardworking performer#you cant ignore the amount of work it takes to perform something like her eras shows#AND i think that when she puts her mind to it she can really knock it out of the park with a great song#every album has at least one A+ song#like genuinely i think anti-hero was her best ever lyrically#and she's at her best when she leans into the sappy over the top vibe like w love story or ybwm#my main problem with her is ofc her excessive private jet use#i understand that shes too famous to fly commercial bc she'd get mobbed#but when travelling within a single country she could at least be using road travel#anyway#wrt her music my main issue is that a good 80% of it is very... bland#she doesn't really do anything new or push any boundaries artistically#just plays it safe#and her lyrics can be genuinely awful when she takes herself too seriously (1830s but without all the racists)#and that sucks bc when she DOES decide to explore a new concept or play a character#she generally makes something interesting and fun!#blank space was fun bc it was a play into the media's constructed narrative about her#reputation was. a choice. but i'll defend it for being something different and actually taking a risk#this is a long ass tags ramble but i guess my point is#shes a pop singer. shes a pop singer who makes catchy pop music and thats okay#but she has a habit of taking herself too seriously and trying to be a deep meaningful 'poet' type songwriter like phoebe bridgers etc#which is just. not at all what she's good at#her music needs an ounce of self awareness to be good but her new album completely lacks that#sigh#dont ever get a diploma in music theory worst mistake of my life
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somebody be my impulse control and tell me not to make a heritage posts blog
#alfpost#OKAY SO. context. theres two things im looking at to grab in and fill what i believe is a critical lack of something in a niche#1. the only warriors heritage posts blog i could find has like. 2 posts on it and doesnt seem active. we can do better#2. ghost trick deserves one and i cant find any which is fuckign strange considering anything made in that tag gets passed around like a#bouncy ball by everyone it looks like. kinda like how the flight rising tumblrsphere works from what ive observed#but the problem with option 1 is that. theres so many fucking warriors posts i will be Buried. and since warriors is so big#itll be hard to be recognised as any sort of 'official' (as in semi respected and not just some rando) heritage posts blog for a while#while for ghost trick since it hasnt been around in my life as long as warriors theres always the risk that i will get tired of it for at#least a little while and i wish not to keep the people in waiting if the blog goes inactive#do ya understand?
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i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am
#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately#like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad#i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic#and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me#the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic#let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything#like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing#i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard#the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know#with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things#n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case#it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has.#the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others#this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate#its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences#its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control#ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship#we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people#so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there#ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere
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#i cant do it i cant any more im worn out!! and i know i have no right to be!#ive been worn out for a long time. i know everyone has. i know i cant take a break from the internet because Palestine still needs coverage#and now with the *drama* happening on tumblr. i dont want to tag it i dont want o be delet but you know the one#feels fucked to even have to call it drama but im one blog. im one little blog and im gonna be devastated if i get got for speaking out#ive had one blog removed by an authority figure it was soul crushing and i only had that one for like 3 years#this is over a decade of my life. if its gone my soul goes with it so i cant risk speakin out in any way that matters or is too conspicuous#but its all just too much. i need to go grocery shopping and it feels hard and bad. i try to come to my one safe place on the internet#to give me courage but its just post after post about more bad news. i saw a photo of a group of soldiers smiling and laughing#about murdering diabled people and taking their walking aides. i know the captions were people saying how horrible those soldiers were#and the active participation in ending diabled lives those soldiers had to take those photos and im just. why was it posted at all#we know the worlds bad. we know. why are you giving these people more publicity. i dont want to see that sickening smile#i just cant any more. i cant deal with anything its all too much its too much on a personal note and its too much internet wide#but i cant complain about it because im not the one being actievly genocided or harrased and i also cant leave because the people who are#need as much support as they can get and i want to support. i want to help#idk idk im crying im stuck i just wanna be able to get groceries but everything real life and internet is too fucking much
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🦋
#i keep thinking about that post about insulin on&off and i think its bc it makes me feel hypocritical to be so affronted by it#seeing as homegrown medicine is like. my whole Thing&the reason why im alive lol.#but i think i finally figured out what bothered me so much&i guess i kind of noticed it immediately too bc i kind of mentioned it.#i had to learn medicine to survive which means all my experimentation was done entirely on myself.#&it was traditional medicine that was being made w/o western tools or help for literally centuries.#&i did it to keep me alive long enough to get LIFE SAVING medicine. the kind of medicine insulin is.#&i have never been anything other than openly disgusted w the fact that i had to do all that to survive.#i do practice on ppl now when i can but these ppl ALSO have no other options&im not prescribing life saving meds.#&most importantly like i said in the tags on that post it feels v condescending to use insulin as a point#when you yourself do not use homegrown insulin-- or insulin in general.#i obviously know anarchistic medicine is necessary&lifesaving. but i also think that the medical advances weve made thus far#as a species should be readily available to the ppl who need it w/o having to risk dangerous methods to potentially get it.#it does not take a huge margin of error to kill someone w bad insulin. not by any stretch of the imagination.#downplaying it to 'but its so easy to make' feels incredibly inappropriate from ppl who DO NOT need it to survive.#idk maybe im just looking for reasons to justify myself so i dont feel like a flatout hypocrite lmao.#but in my head somewhere this makes sense lmao.
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at the end of s1 when anthy meets up with Akio and then comes back and utena's like oh hey where were you? and anthy just goes hm wow the clouds are moving so fast look at that and arranges herself by the window and utena, not a thought in that brain, proceeds to stare at anthy for the next 10 seconds. THEN chu chu jumps on her and causes a scene but see that wasn't even necessary. Anthy didn't have to send her familiar to distract utena all she had to do was tilt her head and say absolutely anything like the bar is low
#the clouds are moving so fast. anthy conversationalist of all time#anthy: hm it's cloudy out#utena: i would do anything to protect her. i would risk my life to see her smile at me one more time. everything she says is poetry#and meanwhile anthy saw a snail. effervescent#they're in love.#utena tag#rewatch time
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#tag talk#I want to ramble about my views on the supernatural but I also really don't want to speak anything into being#I genuinely have a fearful respect for the supernatural that manifests itself by keeping that shit away from me with a ten foot pole#I've known people who claim to have some level of clairvoyance and because of that I've made boundaries between me and them#because I genuinely do not fuck with spirits or ghosts or anything supernatural at all#because whether by accident or joy or malice toys get broken and I don't want to be in anyone's toy box#whatever barrier exists between my physical existence of joy and friendship and the supernatural existence I would like to stay put#when I was a kid I burnt ants with a magnifying glass and crucified frogs and impaled locust on cactus#and I fear the same level of curious dissection that permeated the culture I grew up in#the casual destruction of things people had built simply because it was fascinating#I have a friend who claims to see ghosts and hear spirits. and I don't fuck with that one bit#either her childhood house has hella mold and also retraumatizes her regularly or she's genuinely clairvoyant#and her ghosts have quieted since she moved out which might speak to the former#but I still maintain boundaries about topics because I don't want to risk shit.#my life is rough enough as it is that I don't want to risk infection. once you open that door you can't close it.#anyway. I don't fuck with spirits or ghosts#Late Night With the Devil is a really good movie btw that's what sparked this ramble.#really good but just tipped over the edge of my boudnaries so I had fun watching it but yikes#a little too close to home for me to enjoy#perks of growing up in a community that encouraged magical thinking and belief in spiritual warfare#anyway. I'm gonna go play btd6 to clear my mind and close whatever gates may have opened#lose the attention of whatever being channel by being observed. that's the thing.#thinking about them. watching them. seeing them. they thrive on being observed.#speak of the devil and he will appear.#so I do not think of. I do not speak of.#and frankly this tag ramble is too far as it is. I shouldn't even post this but oh well.#gotta edge that trauma somehow right?#I'm lowkey glad the summoning circle carved into my leg never really scarred enough to stay.#I don't need that shit following me.#teenage years were bad and frankly I'm glad I'm never going back to that
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chat i might be mentally ill ( ↖ guy that's suffered tremendously his entire life and is only getting worse)
#txt#long ass vent ahead in tags; read at your own risk <3#being a person who can't function and can't socialize and hasn't been able to find a job is awful :D#i feel like i'm the most worthless scum on earth. why can't i work. i know i'm unsettling and can't talk normally#i want to work; i want to socialize#i want to be human#but everything i say is wrong; everything i do doesn't amount to anything#my ocd and anxiety and depression are fucking killing me daily. the compulsions get worse and i get more depressed#i can't function day-to-day; i struggle to get out of bed#the world is dirty and no matter how much i clean it doesn't get cleaner#i'm in so much fucking pain. it doesn't cease; i wake up and it's always something new. today the headache. tomorrow the stomach ache#next my back hurts almost as if a piano had fallen on it#my legs ache; my wrists writhe#the pain in my chest is unbearable; it feels as if my finger had been twisted unnaturally#dizziness overtakes me; it's hard to breathe; i can't think#the brain fog and dizziness and compulsions are killing me i think#disregard the pain for a moment; every single thing i do is interrupted by the evil voice in my head telling me that if i don't set things-#in the correct order then someone i love dearly will die a most excruciating death and it'll be my fault#how am i supposed to ignore those compulsions?#most of mine are centered around death or the vague ''something bad will happen to x person''#and my skin crawls at the smallest dirty things#and everyone in this house is so fucking dirty. no one cares to clean after themselves which leaves it to me-#and it makes me permanently filthy; my skin writhes i can FEEL the layer of disgusting filth just sitting there and no matter how much-#i wash and wash and wash- it doesn't cease. it's still there. you're still dirty; the shower isn't clean enough; the soap doesn't wash well#enough. i just want it to be over#and the stress from my life is making it worse#i need a job but i'm painfully mentally ill and i don't understand social cues and i'm fucking semi-verbal to boot#< i struggle with speaking. point blank period. no one accommodates those of us who can't or have a hard time speaking#whatever man i have GOT to kill myself. the only option i have
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alright mutuals i need your trusted judgement
company exec at my new job sent me this email about how "oooh we always do a little post about our new employees on the company intranet site! tell me a little bit about yourself~" and like. not only do i hate that on principal, but the idea of having my personal information disseminated to a whole bunch of people i dont know makes me so uncomfortable that i literally cried about it a few minutes ago
#genuinely need help here please#like i dont even want my name attached to something like this#just because i work in a company doesnt mean everyone in the company is entitled to know anything about me#and even lying feels gross because i dont even want them to be told i exist like thats none of their business#not to mention the exec got my name wrong#like yeah sure she addressed me by my legal name which is the name on file and she would have no way of knowing i dont use it#but doesnt that just double down on my point? if you dont know me enough to know the name i INTRODUCE MYSELF WITH#why do you think you can ask me to tell you where i grew up so you can spread it around to a company of strangers?#and i probably wouldnt be stressing over this so much if it wasnt my first like. grown up job#and if i wasnt so new#at my last job i would have had no problem telling my boss that i dont want to be involved in something like this#but that was also only half a step above minimum wage and obviously toxix#this new job is fine but it comes with good benefits and a nice environment and a lot of time off by us standards#and i dont want to risk losing it esp over something as dumb as this#idk fam lend me your wisdom#life tag
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Hi 👋
I'm loving your work so far and had to follow for more!
I was wondering, if you're not busy, if you could do the scenario when the reader tells them i can hold the whole world in my hands and the other looks confused and the reader holds their face in their hands with the hazbin crew + striker and how'd they react to it?
If not, it's totally cool. I look forward to what you put out next! 😊
"𝔶𝔬𝔲'𝔯𝔢 𝔪𝔶 𝔴𝔥𝔬𝔩𝔢 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔩𝔡" || {𝔥𝔢𝔩𝔩𝔞𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔰𝔢}
"I can hold the entire world in my hands. Wanna see?"
tags: gn!afab! reader// gn!ftm! for angel, fluff, cuteness, established relationships
Alastor
A crackle of radio feedback as his eye twitches when you reach for him, calms for a second when you cup his face. His clawed hands rest on top of yours. He's rather confused, how is this holding the--
"You're my whole world, Alastor~!" You grin up at him, lovingly.
The facade of a smile he always wears slips for only a second. But it's one second too long and you catch it. His eyebrows relax, lids drooping, cheeks pushing upwards and he beams at you softly. A genuine smile crossing his lips. He cups your face in return, puffing your cheeks like a fish and a muffled laugh track plays. Leaning his forehead against yours, he grins.
Softly, he whispers, "And you are mine, mon cour."
Lucifer
Immediately his eyes well up. He doesn't have the need to act all cool and collected when he's a total softie. He leans his cheek further into your palm, his eyelids fluttering shut allowing for a moment of respite. Tilting your chin upwards, he captures your lips in a gentle kiss.
"I love you more than anything. You are my life, sweetling, my galaxy. I would dismantle Heaven, Earth, and all of Hell to keep you and Charlie safe."
Charlie
The meeting with Heaven hadn't gone to plan and now, she's curled up like a little blanket burrito in her crimson comforter. She doesn't say anything when you announce that you can hold the whole world in your hands, but she's definitely curious in the way she immediately watches you with interest. She's confused when you cup her cheeks but soon gasps loudly in realization, eyes welling up. You always know just what to say when she's feeling blue.
"M-me? I'm your whole world? But you're my whole world, too!" Charlie grunts, breaking free of her blanket cocoon to cup your face in return. "Look! Now I can hold the world too~!"
Vaggie
She expected your reaction to be much worse. Vaggie finally admitted, albeit she was forced to tell, that she had been an angel this entire time. You hadn't been sure how to react and it was clear you were hurt by her secret and she respected that you needed time to process all of this new information. What she hadn't expected was you approaching her a few hours later, gently cupping her face and telling her that she was your entire world.
A valve breaks loose and Vaggie begins to cry. She wanted to tell you for so long! She really, really did, but she didn't know how! You hold her close, slipping down onto the floor with her letting her cry on your shoulder.
"I didn't want to keep this part of me a secret, but there was so much risk in people knowing-- if they would directly come for you, I just... I couldn't risk your safety if you knew what I truly was. I love you so much, I just wanted to keep us safe."
Husk
The glass he had been wiping down would've shattered on the ground had his tail not caught it. His wings instinctively fluff up, setting the cup on a rack with the rest of the clean, empty glasses.
"Didja have to get up there to tell me this?" He clears his throat deeply, gesturing wildly to ask what you were doing. You, currently perched on top of the bar counter on your knees cupping his face.
"Yeah!" You chirp with a grin. Husk sighs, grabbing you by the waist and hefting you down and off the countertop. He doesn't say a word when your legs wrap around his waist and your arms slide around his shoulders. His cold nose presses to your cheek and he chuckles softly, utterly happy and in love.
"You're a dork, huh, hun? But you're my dork." Husk purrs softly, pulling you in for a brief kiss.
Angel Dust
Owlishly, he stares at you. That confusion melts into a genuine smile and a soft chuckle. His third set of arms materializes, tugging you in by your hips while the other two wrap around your shoulders and waist respectively. Pressing his soft cheek to yours, he affectionately nuzzles you with a laugh.
"You're full of surprises, ain't ya, toots? Y-you're my everything, baby. My world. The one light in this whole damned darkness I call my life."
Vox
He was expecting something much different from you when you climbed into his lap, turning his attention away from his displayed monitors. Red eyes flickering, he's confused when you grasp both sides of his monitor screen. This is new...?? Vox's gaze widens as you finish your statement, chuckling deeply. Covering your hands in his, he places your hand to his chest where his dead heart would still be beating. You make him feel alive, no heartbeat and all.
"Fuck, baby, that's pretty cheesy. But I liked it." Vox grins, red dripping from the corners of his mouth. "C'mere, sweets. Wanna kiss ya."
Blitzø
Why do you have to say some of the cutest shit? Ugh, it makes his heart feel all weird and he's not sure how to react, but he does appreciate it nonetheless, especially with the two of you being alone. You know he's been working on his emotions, trying to do better. When he can't find the words to say, he nuzzles your palm softly and gives you a wobbly smile before harshly rubbing at his eyes.
"Th-thank you, ah, fuck.. Why am I crying? Must be a damn ninja chopping some fuckin' onions somewhere." He sniffles, deeply sighing. He grasps your hand in his, squeezing it softly. "I'm not sure if the world is a large enough example.. To, y'know, express my love or whatever.."
Loona
She's pretty taken aback by your statement, a soft blush staining her cheeks. Her tail gives a little wag and she smiles. Bending down to your height, she gives you a quick kiss on the cheek, her hand slipping into yours.
"You're such a sap, babe, but I love you too. You're my world as well. C'mon, let's see what kind of chaos Beel is having at her party tonight. Not every day I can show off how amazing my partner is."
Striker
Saying that he's surprised is an understatement. He recovers quickly, a smirk curling up his lips and he chuckles softly. He kisses each of your palms, gently removing them from his face. He tugs you in close, tail swaying behind him. Tilting your chin up, his claw running along your lower lip. He leans in close, lips only inches away. His voice noticeably deepens.
"You're sweeter than pie, ain't ya, sugar? Got my heart and stomach all twisted in knots like somethin' awful. I'm not the best with words but I'd be happy to show ya just how much your tender sentiment is mutual. If you'll have me."
|| ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏꜱᴛ, ʀᴇᴜꜱᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴇᴅɪᴛ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ɪɴ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴀʏ! ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴ. ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ꜱɪᴛᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ɪ ᴘᴏꜱᴛ. ᴀʟʟ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ ʙᴇʟᴏɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜰᴜʟ ᴏᴡɴᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ʙᴇʟᴏɴɢꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ © ᴄʜᴇʀᴜʙꜰᴀᴇ 2024 ||
#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel imagines#hazbin imagines#hazbin hotel x you#alastor x reader#hazbin lucifer x reader#lucifer morningstar x reader#charlie morningstar x reader#vaggie x reader#angel dust x reader#husk x reader#vox x reader#blitz x reader#loona x reader#striker x reader#cherubfae 2024#helluva boss imagines#helluva boss x you#helluva boss x reader
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#praying 2 god that my professor doenst include questions abt daca in the final cause I fr do not understand that shit#like ive had to read all these academic articles and have all these discussions and it fr does not stick in my brain#like ok i know the basis of it or wtv but like. to write a short essay abt it? for my final?#bbg i am not getting that credit i nkwo that#like ok yes ask me to write abt Mexican repatriation or the bracero program or the page act or fucking the johnson reed act and ill write#pagesss and pages abt it i already have man like I can do it#cannot write more than 2 or 3 sentences abt daca to save my life tho#pls dr [redacted] do not include anything abt daca in there pls ill sign up for ur borderlands class even ill do that just please#woah wait thats so cool you can edit tags now?? that's sick as hell what#i googled my professors name just in case and his whole ass university page came up I'm not risking that I had to redact it sorry💀
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NOT STRONG ENOUGH
summary: you got injured whilst on the job and spencer isn’t to pleased (post!maeve)
pairings: grumpy!spencer reid x sunshine!reader
genre: hurt/comfort?
warnings: mentions of maeve’s death, and canon complicit violence
authors note: i saw someone in the spencer reid tag ask about a fic like this and it gave me inspiration to write my own!!
you hadn’t noticed the tight grip spencer had on the steering wheel when he drove you and him home, nor did you notice his face; if looks could kill, the car that was driving extra slow in front of the two of you would’ve spontaneously combusted.
however you did notice, the slam of his door as he got out the car, his clenched jaw and avoidant gaze as he helped you out, with your broken leg and crutches.
you were used to spencer’s grumpiness, he’d had such a pessimistic view on life, and you didn’t know if it was the optimist in you, or the young naivety, but you had always thought you could fix him.
you had grown to fall in love with spencer in all his grumpiness.
you enjoyed getting to kiss away his angry pout and massage his scalp as he grumbled about how awful his day was.
you enjoyed getting to listen to his rants and just smile and kiss him and take all his problems away, being his source of comfort, like he was yours.
you always loved how even though he was so grumpy, he managed to reserve some sweetness for you, it made you feel so loved, so seen.
spencer on the other hand couldn’t believe he managed to have you as his girlfriend, after maeve, he wasn’t sure he was made for love, it wasn’t meant for him.
but you were meant for him.
he was immediately taken aback by you, the new intern at the bau, so bright and happy, he’d wondered what someone like you was doing at a job like this. someone so young, so happy, so optimistic.
he remembered thinking about how this job would tear you in half, like it did him.
he vowed not to let that happen.
but as he watched, helplessly as you tackled the unsub to the ground, and getting into a literal tussle, he was filled with so much anger, at the unsub, but mainly at himself.
he knew when he was new, he wanted to do his best to stop the bad guys, even if it meant putting himself in danger, he knew the sings of a reckless intern.
why didn’t he stop it.
now you were half black and blue, and walking around the house, well, less walking, more being carried around by spencer, and he really just wanted to scream.
“that was so stupid, you know that.”
you blink, the food on your for you were about to shovel into your mouth forgotten. “i’m sorry?” you say confused, dropping the fork, it clattered loudly against the plate.
“that stunt you pulled.” he gritted his teeth. “i mean, what were you thinking, that you were gonna save the day?” spencer asked, tilting his head in such a way that made you feel taunted.
almost, belittled.
“i was thinking about that girl.” you say, brows furrowing, “and how nobody was doing anything, we were just standing there waiting, negotiating, i saw an opportunity and i took it, the girl is safe now and he’s going to be locked up for the rest of his life.”
“you’re not a hero.” spencer scoffed. “you got lucky, what would you have done if you died out there?”
“nothing, because i’d be dead.” you say, as nice and as kind as you were, you had a quick mouth and it drove spencer insane. “what’s up with you, why are you so upset over this.”
“upset!” he slammed his fist against the table standing up, causing you to flinch, and some cutlery to fall on the floor, your heart thumped in your chest, you weren’t scared of spencer, you had faith he would never hurt you, but he’d never been thing angry with you before.
“i am not upset.” he spits out. “i am enraged at how after all this.. after, me, you could still go out there and risk your life like that! after all i’ve done to protect you!”
“protect me..” you stare at him through a glare standing up yourself. “i chose this job, spence, i chose this profession, i knew what came with it, and i do not need to be protected!”
spencer’s chest heaved as he stared at you, in silence.
“i-” you huff. “i knew the risks that came with the job spencer, and out in that field, i knew what i was risking, but it’s my life spencer. i’m perfectly aware of what i am doing.”
spencer closed his eyes and heaved out a long breath, pinching his nose. “you don’t get to make reckless decisions like that!” he screams clenching his fists. “not when it comes to your life.” he whispered softly, slowly sitting back in seat, as if he’d folded completely.
“i don’t know what i’d do if i lost you..” he says, licking his lips. “when.. when you think about losing someone you love, you can’t imagine it, what it would be like, but i can, because i have, i have lost someone, multiple people.” he says.
“in that moment, when i watched you tackle.. tackle that guy.” he squeezes his eyes shut, tears threatening to spill, as you watch him intensely. “i knew what it would be like spend the rest of my life without you, and i don’t think i’m strong enough to come to terms with that.”
spencer’s admission makes your chest hurt, it never occurred to you what something like taking a risk could do to him. spencer already had lost a lot, and you didn’t want to become a reason he loses another.
you step forward nudging his chin so his eyes were looking up into yours, his cheeks were wet with tears, and for the first time you didn’t see a grumpy man, a pessimistic man, you saw a man who’d had his heart broken far too often.
you gently stroke his cheek. “hey, i’m not going anywhere anytime soon, i’m an intern, today was just an off day.” i raise my brows. “i doubt i will be allowed in the field for a long time.”
he smiled, his eyes still red from tears. “i know you love your job, and i won’t try and stop you from doing it, but please, be careful, if not for you, then for me.”
“i’d do anything for you.” you say, kissing him on the lips. “i’ll be careful for you.”
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