#and destroys the structure Bruce worked hard to make

[daydreamerdrew]

The Hulk! (1978) #18

[darsynia]

can i get Toby Z (WW) and Bruce Banner (MCU) in a humor scene? i think those two would just have so much to bitch about surrounded by giant...egos lol

Bahahhaha thank you for participating in BLURB WEEK, I had a blast!

Summary: Toby Zeigler's been asked by one superhero to write a speech for a different superhero. Maybe it's gratitude that he's not in the White House and contractually required to make any of this make sense, but once he meets Bruce Banner, Toby appreciates his shy genius.

Length/Warnings: 1,282 | No warnings. Can be read as gen or pre-slash!

A Banner Speech

“Just… wait here, okay?”

Toby shrugs and watches as the man he’s been contracted to write a speech for leaves the room to confer with the building’s owner. Bruce Banner seems a lot more shy in person than in the two magazine profiles he’s read about the guy. It makes sense; people want to picture the Hulk’s scientist persona as more Sagan than Einstein. It’s a quirk of history that one of the latter’s most famous photographs is of a stuck-out tongue. Einstein was sincerely introverted, often struggling in social situations.

Toby can relate.

When Tony Stark contacted him for this, he had mentioned feeling touched that then-governor of NH Josiah Bartlet had issued a statement lamenting the loss of Howard and Maria Stark, back in 1991. He wasn’t working for Bartlet at the time, but this is what people do; they make connections. You worked for this guy, and he’s a decent man. That makes you a decent man.

Ironically, Toby’s fall from political grace has lifted him up practically everywhere else, which is how he finds himself in a skyscraper in New York six months after an alien attack threatened to destroy his old neighborhood.

“You just had to say out loud how glad you were not to be working at the White House this year, didn’t you!” he mutters under his breath as he stares out of one of the floor to ceiling windows. No way in hell would he have wanted to construct a speech thanking superheroes for saving New York City from aliens.

“Do you miss it?” It’s Banner, hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched as though that makes the knowledge of who he can sometimes be more palatable.

“Only in my nightmares.”

This prompts a bright smile, strangely enough. “I suppose working at the White House is one of the clearest examples of ‘you can never go back home’ that there is, given how often the whole staff changes over,” Banner muses. “I had one of those, sort of. Only mine was, you know, destroying the whole lab.”

“My downfall was less structural and more personal,” Toby shrugs. He’s made peace with that, even if he hasn’t fully made peace with some of the people involved.

“Saved lives, though.”

“We would have saved them anyway. Just more quietly.”

Banner scratches the side of his face and looks sheepish. “My days of quietly saving people are behind me, I guess.”

Toby turns his head, notes that Stark is actively hovering on the other side of the glass doors which lead to their conference room. He nods over his shoulder and says, “With him around, why bother reaching for the microphone?”

“Funny you should say that,” Banner coughs. “Tony’s banned from attending this thing. Lifetime prohibition after too many cocktails and no procedure for dragging a billionaire off the stage.”

“I’d have liked to witness that.” The surprised look Banner shoots over at him is encouraging. Toby’s… not all that good with people, but he does have practice juggling big egos, and like recognizes like. “So you’re the next best thing? The Kent to Stark’s Luthor?”

Bruce Banner’s eyes bug out of his head and he turns his back on the window to give Toby a look. Then, his shocked expression turns shrewd. “You said that to see if he’s eavesdropping, didn’t you?”

Toby just smiles.

“They want a scientist superhero. I doubt much thought went into whether I have anything interesting to say.”

“Well, at least they’ll be afraid to play you off stage,” Toby says mildly. Before his implication hits too hard, he adds, “You should use that. Got anything you’ve been wanting to share with the world?”

“I--” Banner blinks at him for a little while, then nods, slowly. “Actually, yes.”

“I told you you’re a genius, right?” Banner asks, fiddling with his bow tie again.

“No…?”

“I mean, yes, for the speech, which is brilliant, even if everyone’s going to know I didn’t write it, but also for getting the Chief of Staff to show up. He’s taking the heat off.” Bruce leans his head over to look out from backstage at the gathered crowd.

Toby moves to stand behind him so he can see, too. As expected, Joshua Lyman is standing beside his table in a crowd of people. The huge grin on his face is tempered only by the way he keeps looking toward the stage like he expects something important to happen at any minute, probably involving him.

It usually does.

“It’s a good thing your guy isn’t allowed to come to this thing,” Toby says in a low, amused voice. “The attention-gravity distortion between the two of them would probably mess with the laws of physics.”

“Fun to watch, though,” Bruce observes. “Did you, uh…”

“Promise him access? No, but I did promise--”

“Toby? There you are! They told me to come back here, but--” Donna Moss breaks off as she comes over to give him a half hug.

“--her access. Bruce Banner, this is Donna Moss. She is also a Chief of Staff, to the First Lady of the United States.”

“Aww!” Donna frowns at him.

“What did I do?”

“I told Josh I was going to try to get the Hulk to say ‘FLotUS!”

“Unless that’s an arcane synonym for ‘smash,’ I don’t think you had a chance of that, I’m afraid,” Bruce says with a slight smile.

“I was mostly teasing, I promise,” Donna grins. “It’s just that Josh goes heart-eyed at superheroes. I think it’s because he sees himself as a political version of Tony Stark, but with social capital instead of money.”

“He spends it just as quickly,” Toby says, picking up Donna’s wrist to look at her watch. As intended, the action is a gentle reminder that they’re out of chatting time, but to smooth the way, he adds, “I’ll send someone to fetch you and Josh later?”

“Perfect, thanks,” Donna says, her wide smile growing wider as she leans over to catch Bruce’s anxious gaze. He’s back to warily regarding the filling room. “If you get nervous during the speech, just look at Josh. He’ll probably be so enraptured you’ll feel like JFK in Berlin.”

“Ich bin die wurst at public speaking, so I doubt it,” Bruce tells her, before she heads off with a chuckle.

“You know what you just said, right?”

“I told a beautiful woman that I’m a sausage. I feel like a sausage,” Bruce says, tugging at his neckline. “In five minutes, I’ll be roasted on a spit.”

“In five minutes, you’re going to tell the White House Chief of Staff and a room full of people with money to burn that there’s a child hunger problem just begging for their help. They’re your captive audience, and not one of them will risk your wrath to interrupt, especially not when you tell them the problem’s not just in some far-flung nation halfway across the globe,” Toby reminds him.

“It’s also here. In our own country.” Bruce clenches his jaw. “There isn’t enough science in this speech. They’re going to be angry.”

“Well, you’re the expert on that,” Toby shrugs. He’s not looking at Bruce, but he can feel the other man’s amused glare. “Look, you sounded jealous about Stark being banned. I just took the hint and wrote a speech that’s the nerd equivalent of too much tequila. If they didn’t want a hero to try to save something, they shouldn’t have invited you.”

“You’re a good man, Toby Ziegler,” Bruce says. His voice is thick, like he’s forcing the words out past a few layers of emotion.

“It takes one to know one, Bruce Banner.”

[kevin-day-is-bi]

Embarking on watching all the live action Batman movies pt 6: The Dark Knight (2008)

I hate this movie so much that I had a whole argument about it four years ago that was so huge I managed to turn it into an officially structured school debate with two parts: is it an accurate Batman movie and is it sexist.

Good things first. The Two-Face sfx makeup is fantastic, the Jim Gordon characterization is great, and I continue to enjoy that Lucius Fox is a strong tertiary character. There's one shining comic-accurate scene, and that's the whole end Joker-trying-to-prove-humanity-is-evil bit.

Everything else...

The Falcone/Maroni crime families are too big of a topic to be relegated to a side plot. They are also enemies, and having them be the same removes a lot of the dirty money undercurrents that are important to their existence. Having Joker turn Harvey into Two-Face was done well-enough that if I wasn't an avid Two-Face fan, it would've been okay. However, it literally destroys the whole point of his character, which is that Harvey Dent was supposed to fight the secret monsters of Gotham while Batman fought the public ones, and then those secret monsters turn him into a public one. Removing that makes me ask questions like why is he specifically a DA? Why is he specifically going after the crime families? Also I don't like that they didn't make Harvey and Bruce friends. That plays a huge role in Bruce's guilt after the creation of Two-Face.

The Joker is...not a good Joker. Heath Ledger is a fantastic actor, the makeup is great, but the writing is just not comic accurate. Having him focus more on the machinations, having these plans and backup plans, working with the crime families, all of that sort of ruins what the Joker is. He's not a villain, he doesn't have reasoning, he's just evil. The two lines that I can see people pushing back on that are "it's about sending a message" and whatever the "chaos incarnate" line is, and that's fair, but the movie just doesn't back either of those things up. Time and time again, it gets played as your standard villain. Now, the reason that I can sort of see it working is because in this, the Joker is the second Rogue that Gotham has had. If you treat him as a normal villain, and put him alongside Riddler or Ivy, it raises the question of "why is he so hard to capture, then?", but because they made him an early villain, and Batman's struggles with the cops got in the way, it's not necessarily a disastrous change when it comes to the plot, just when it comes to characterization.

In terms of Batman, the character, Christian Bale continues to do an okay Batman. There's a little too much Bruce and Bruce Wayne in this, especially for something that has three villain story lines, but Bale continues to differentiate between Bruce Wayne, Bruce, and Batman perfectly fine. Not my favourite, but not inaccurate.

Plot wise, the movie is confused. There's too many side plots and tertiary characters, and very few of them get the spotlight. It dragged in a lot of places, to the point where I genuinely just considered skipping ahead (I did not, so I could be as accurate as possible). They put too much focus on Harvey's journey for the amount of changes that they made to it, and playing the three villain game in the way that they did just didn't work.

And then finally, the part of this argument that I lost in Spring 2020, is it sexist? Yes, so very much that I actually yelled at my laptop. There's one woman, she's a secondary character, she repeatedly gets saved by Batman, despite there being a tertiary woman this movie still does not pass the Bechdel test, nearly all of her scenes are romantic, and to top it all off, she gets fridged. For those who don't know, the term "fridging your women" refers to killing or injuring the women in your story to further a man's story line. She is literally blown up while talking about how much she loves a man, and then her voice over post-death is also talking about how much she loves a man.

1.5/10. It gets points for the Two-Face makeup and the nice Jim Gordon.

[dolce-peach]

Hi! I really like your mcu fanfiction! Could you do a fanfic where the reader is an avenger and loves to paint and daydream and once she first meets Loki she falls head over heels and secrets dreams abt him and sketches and paints his portraits and he finds out. Hope you have a good rest of your day :)

unspoken

pairing: loki x avenger!reader

warnings: fluff, fluff, and more fluff oml

a/n: honestly this was the fluff i needed to write in the midst of my sad life 😂😭 hope you guys like it!

permanent taglist: @kaitlynmalikisnotonfire

** TO MAKE A REQUEST -- please check the status in my bio **

masterlist

----

Once again, you got carried away sketching on your paperwork.  This time, it was Steve and Tony arguing over something petty while the mission meeting progressed.  You leaned into your arm, your pen pretty much moving on its own.

“Anyways, before I was rudely interrupted,” Steve started as he sent a playful glare at Tony, “does everyone understand their role?”

Everyone nodded.

You continued shading in various parts of the quick sketch, further capturing lifelike qualities.  The annoyance in Steve’s gaze.  The defiance in Tony’s eyes.

“Y/N?”

You looked up, setting your pen down.  “Sorry.  Yeah?”

“Do you understand your role for the mission?” Steve repeated.

You sent an apologetic smile.  “Aye, Cap’n.”

As the meeting ended, you collected your strewn papers with slight embarrassment.  It wasn’t the first time you were caught with your head completely in the clouds.  

You couldn’t help it.  Sketching helped you concentrate, as strange as that sounded, and when you had time, painting helped you take your mind off of things.  Healthy extracurricular activities that were relaxing were hard to come by, especially for a combat and stealth agent like yourself.

You made your way back to the common room, where everyone was crowding around Thor and someone else.

“Thor, you can’t just bring him here,” Steve said.  

Tony snorted.  “Yeah, what if he destroys half of New York again?  Guess who’d have to clean that up?  Me.”

“Oh, please,” Natasha groaned, rolling her eyes.  “You give yourself way too much credit.”

“No offense, but I’m not a big fan,” Clint said, eyeing the newcomer anxiously.

Bruce cowered behind Clint.  “Me too.”

“Of who?” you asked.

Everyone turned to see you standing there, your curiosity piqued.  They slowly backed away, revealing someone you’ve only heard about.

“Loki,” you breathed.

He stood in all his godly glory, adorned in his green and black robes, hints of gold making everything vivid.  He stood tall over you, making you shrink a bit at his bravado.

He smirked.  “That would be me.”  His eyes scanned you.  “And who might you be?”

“Y/N.”

“And she can kick your ass,” Tony added helpfully.

Steve sent a warning look.  “Language.”

Tony held his hands up in defeat, everyone laughing.  

Loki kept his eyes on you with interest.  You had to break away from his intense gaze, or you felt you might be eaten alive.

--

When you got done with training that day, you found yourself sitting on the balcony overlooking the night streets.  You were snuggled up in a thick sweatshirt with your pencil and sketchbook.  

You sighed happily.  

If you had to describe your ideal night, it would be this.  No missions to complete.  No errands to run.  No one to meet or please.

Just you and your imagination.

As per usual, you let your pencil draw for itself.  

You smiled a bit to yourself, seeing the rough shapes coming together to form Loki’s structure.  You began putting some fine lines in before shading ever so softly.

You’d been thinking about him the entire day.  Other than the mischievous look in his eyes, he hardly seemed like the egotistic maniac who destroyed most of New York.  Instead he looked gentle and reserved, taking in the world quietly, all while perhaps having a slightly sadistic sense of humor.

You shook your head.  You didn’t care what the others had to say about him.  You were determined to get to know him while he was here with Thor.

With your head full and your heart satisfied, you decided to brew yourself a cup of tea before heading back inside to retire for the night.  

You filled the kettle and started the stove.  You nearly jumped when you heard the fridge open behind you.  

“Do all you humans drink such revolting liquid?” Loki asked, holding up a can of soda.

“Depends on what brand you drink,” you answered.  “Would you like tea?”

He paused.  “Yes, please.”

As he put the soda can back, you reached for two cups in the cupboard and scooped some non-caffeinated tea into a couple strainer balls.  You placed them in the cups and carefully poured the boiling water, watching it swirl and change colors.

When it finished brewing, you removed the strainers and slid Loki a cup across the kitchen counter.

“Thank you,” came his quiet response.

You grinned.  “No problem.”

You sipped your tea, and looked at him again before laughing.

He blushed.  “What’s so funny?” he asked defensively.

“Nothing!” you laughed.  “I just never expected to see a god in sweatpants and a t-shirt.”

“Well, it’s quite comfortable,” Loki argued.  “And you didn’t expect me to stay dressed like that all the time, did you?”

“I suppose not,” you said, leaning against the counter.

It was quiet as the two of you finished your cups of tea.  You took his empty cup and rinsed it in the sink.

You smiled to yourself.  He really isn’t as bad as everyone says he is.

He stood awkwardly against the counter.  “Um, thank you again.”

You shook your head.  “Anytime.”

“Why are you being so kind to me?”

You blinked.  “Hm?”

“Well...”  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “Usually people scream or glare or something.  They think I’ll kill them the next instant or freeze them forever.”

“I don’t think you’re so bad,” you said.  “Misunderstood, yes, but you’re not a bad guy.”

A blush colored his cheeks as he looked away.  

“Anyways, I’ll see you tomorrow, Loki,” you said with a smile.

He snapped out of his momentary daze.  “Yeah.  Have a good night...Y/N.”

As you began walking away, you couldn’t help but widen your smile, feeling your heart beating a bit harder.

--

The next week was utterly exhausting.  Each of you used your abilities to the very max hunting down Hydra bases and the likes.  

Having Loki fight with you all was strange for everyone.  The Avengers always made sure to keep him in check, but you had no doubts about his loyalty, especially as you got to know him more.  

There were also things unseen and unsaid.  

You’d often catch him stealing glances at you, and you didn’t mind at all.  It was almost like he was afraid you were going to disappear.  

He’d come up to your room late at night with a cup of tea and stay into the early hours of the morning.  Sometimes you’d talk, and sometimes you just watched the cars move up and down the street.

You’d become best friends with the god of mischief.

It wasn’t until you started dreaming about him that you discovered you were also in love with him.

Loki became your sole subject for your sketches.  You loved capturing his many different expressions, especially the looks of varying annoyance.

Eventually, you gathered enough courage to begin a painted portrait of him.  You were determined to show everyone how you saw him: vivid, charming, lovely, protective.  

You used so many colors, a color for each bit of life in his expression.

As you painted, you got so lost in what you were doing, you didn’t hear Loki walk in behind you.

He silently studied you painting for a few minutes, taking it all in.

“What are you doing?”

“Jesus!” you yelped, nearly dropping your brush.  Your cheeks grew hot as you tried to cover your work.  “N-nothing!”

Loki laughed, catching you off guard.  “I’ve been watching you the past few minutes.”

“Really?” you squeaked.  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You looked like you were concentrating.  I didn’t want to interrupt,” he said.  “And I was enjoying watching you work.”

At this point, you were a red tomato.  You had no idea why you were freaking out so much.  It was just a painting of a friend.

A friend you wanted to be something more to.

“I’m flattered,” he continued.  He eyed the sketches of himself strewn all over your desk.  “You drew more?”

“Yeah, but they’re not much...” you trailed off as you shuffled them around a bit.  “I mean, it’s just a relaxing hobby of mine...”

He carefully picked up some pieces, his eyes filled with admiration.  “These are really amazing, Y/N.”

“You really think so?”

“Of course!”  He furrowed his eyebrows.  “But why me?”

“What do you mean?”

He nodded.  “Wouldn’t it be nicer to sketch someone like my brother?  Or one of your Earth friends?”

“I guess, but they’re not you.”

You were your reddest, if that was even possible at that point.  

Loki took a moment before smiling.  “If you insist.”  He let out a small laugh.  “If you want, I could model for you some time.”

Your eyes sparkled.  “Really?”

He played with your hair.  

“Anything for you.”

part 2

[smokeybrand]

The Cape and The Cowl

A friend of mine posted a meme questioning who would win a fight between Doctor Doom and Batman. My gut reaction is to say it’s real bad for Bruce but, as i thought about it more and more, i kind of feel like its not so cut-and-dry. There is a lot of nuance that needs to be considered between the two characters rather than just a “smash the action figured together” scenario. Of course, there is the surface stuff like how would they interact generally? What would the catalyst be in order to incite said conflict? Why would Doom even see Bruce as a threat? If you think about it objectively, an all things are even, to Vic, Batman is just a crazy person losing his are on crime in a raggedy ass city. Victor von Doom is a the reagent of an entire country with a GDP that rivals some superpowers in the MCU. Like, the USA has diplomatic relations with a blip in Eastern Europe, because Doom has the military power to wreck he US in open aggression. Latveria will lose in a prolonged conflict, that’s just a question of resources, but that little country would absolutely inflict upon the US in a slow bleed. Imagine the War on Terror but with competent leadership and actual, discipline, military strategy. Why the f*ck would Doom care what the f*ck is going on out in Jersey? More than that. the similarities between the two characters is staggering.

We all know the origin of Batman. We’ve seen that sh*t how many times now? It’s like getting a new Spider-Man joint and having to watch Uncle Ben die all over again. It’s trite at this point but so essential to the character, we need a refresher every time Bats shows up onscreen. That trauma informs everything he is, as it would if you watched your parents gunned down in cold blood as a child, and then laid with their still warm corpses for however long until the police came. What a lot of people don’t know is the origin of Doctor Doom. Being a villain, Doom rarely gets his motivations explored outside of some megalomaniac Dr. No type f*ckery. However, Victor von Doom is a person. He started out life as a happy kid and learned to be Doctor Doom, just like Bruce learned to be Batman. Doom is actually a refugee. True, Doom was born an aristocrat, but Latveria was overthrown when he was still young so he was never able to be raised in that level of opulence. His mom was also murdered before he was ten years old. Just like Bruce, Doom experienced a horrific truth that would color his world perspective for the rest of his life. Doom would eventually find his way to the US as he was brilliant. Like, unheard of intelligent and it would be his exposure to the US lifestyle, after years of conflict and struggle, which would make him realize how easy life could be if someone just did what was necessary. And then Reed happened.

Reed Richards was, is, a fulcrum in Vic’s life. They have a relationship similar to Batman an Superman but the opposite. Whereas Batman values Clark’s perspective because it helps him keep perspective, Vic finds Reed to be absurd. He sees Reed for who e is and doesn’t understand why no one else can. Reed Richards is a reckless, excitable, short-sighted, glory-hog. He is. If you read the character with any semblance of realism, you’d see that. Ho many times has Sue comments on how she and the rest of his family, take a backseat to science? How many times has Reed, himself, sacrificed a relationship or to, in service to the solution of an equation? Doom saw all of that in college. Reed represents the structural issues of the world and it frustrates Vic to no end. In some continuities, the genesis of Vic going full Doom rest on an accident Reed commits because of that shortsightedness. It goes a long way to checking Reeds ego and he does become a better person for it, but it was at the cost of scarring Vic for life, both physically and mentally. Yet another example of the system, ruining Doom’s life.

Bruce, after his trauma, has kept a strong support system. First and foremost, since day one, he had Alfred. Doom had no one. Bruce then built a family, adopting all of the children and surrounding himself with love. Doom’s one true love died and was dragged down to hell. We know this because he punches out Mephisto whenever he can. Also, his mom is down there, too. Bruce eventually met Diana and Kal, becoming fast friends and life long confidants. Outside of Catwoman, I think Diana makes for the perfect romantic partner of Bruce and that is shown in several continuities. Reed just reinforced Doom’s disgust with the machinations of the world, eventually further degrading Doom’s tenuous hold of his ability to trust in others, by psychically maiming him. The negative impact Reed had on Doom’s life is f*cking profound, man. I’m not saying Doom should have taken it as far as he did, but it’s hard to argue against trying to kill a dude who had ruined years of your work, destroyed you reputation, and physically maimed you forever. That doesn’t seem wholly outrageous to me. I think it’s called justifiable homicide? The only reason Doom stopped trying to murder Reed is because Valeria was born. Valeria became the first person Doom felt real affection for, since the death of his wife. I think Morgan le Fay could be another, but that might have just been a time-space booty call. Valeria Richards and her relationship with he Uncle Doom, is what gave Vic the strength to be better. Bruce had that love his entire life, even immediately after his darkest day. Doom went decades without it.

Up until Valeria was born, all Doom had was his time spent as a destitute street rat, struggling to survive, to inform him about life and the world at large. That brazen cruelty for sure emotionally crippled him in a lot of ways, I'm not even going to start to defend his arrogance or superiority complex, but trauma does that. That's why i think Bats would eventually come around. They've both seen the absolute worst of the world and, in a lot of ways, go about righting those wrongs in the same way. If you pay attention, and the writer is worth their salt, you'd see that Latveria is an autocratic socialist paradise. Latverians are among the most literate, healthy, and happy people in the 616. Jobs are plentiful and crime is almost non-existent. Mans even cured cancer, which he made available to the world, if those people choose to make the trip to Latveria for treatment. The world of 616, at large, likes to paint Vic as this evil despot but, if you interview a laymen of Latveria, they’ll sing his praises. Most people forget that, before Doom returned for his birthright, Latveria was a whole ass occupied state. Think the relationship between Israel and Palestine. Latveria was basically falling into doorknobs for Symkaria and pretending that they weren’t in an abusive relationship. Doom showed up and changed all that. It was a bloody f*cking conflict, for sure, and i am certain Vic committed war crimes, but the end result was a free Latveria with a strong international presence. Doom is a hero to those people but a villain to other nations because of how he rose to power and, more importantly, how independent he made hi country from the world system. Doom did what was necessary to free his people, a march too far for Bruce and that’s why Gotham is the way that it is.

People who don’t know the character like to paint Vic as ego-maniacal villain, and that was valid when comics were just "hero smash bad guy", but we've grown beyond that. Every pop culture interpretation of Doom, outside of the comics, has him as this stoic, arrogant, asshole, dictator bu that’s just not an accurate portrayal of how Doom is in a modern capacity. Vic is definitely an autocrat but he’s no dictator. He can be cruel at times to specific individuals but he is generally benevolent to his people. He doesn’t portray himself as a strongman but he does let it be known he’ll nuke anyone or anything if it means furthering his overall goals which, currently, is the safety and security of Latveria. His country isn’t a police state and his people are free to do as they please but their is a line, just like everywhere else in the world. Doom just has a shorter one and enforces that with extreme prejudice. I’m not going to sit here and say everything is great in Latveria, it’s definitely not, but it ain’t so hot in 616 America either. How many Civil Wars have they had? What about that whole  tidbit with Hydra Cap? There is nuance and gray nowadays, areas that both Bats and Doom comfortably call home. Batman is, objectively, not a pure hero. He is, at best, a chivalric anti-hero and similarly, Doom is more of an anti-villain than the mustache twirling, boogeyman, mastermind pop media portrays him to be. Batman and Doom are basically the same person, with the same motivations, only Doom is willing to go much, much, further than Bruce; A difference in method you an attribute to their respective upbringings.

If Doom had the same support system as Bruce, he’d create miracles. We’ve seen glimpses of that throughout the years. Dooms last run culminated with him essentially obliterating an entire universe where he had the support necessary to build a proper utopia. Our Doom couldn’t fathom the choices made by this variant Doom because of how broken he is. If Bruce was alone in his formative years like Victor, he’d commit atrocities. We’ve seen glimpses of that over they years, too. There are various narratives that explore just such a tragic turn of events, explored in the Death Metal series of books. Dawnbreaker immediately comes to mind. Bruce and victor are the same side of the same coins. It's literally a crap shoot as to which side of the alignment chart either leans. And as if to inform my point further, we just recently had Joker War. That book went a long way to exposing the absolute necessity of raw force, in order to properly “save”Gotham. Joker was able to completely dismantle that entire city by attacking the machinery put in lace to make it run. He effectively proved that The Batman was part of the problem and would never be the solution because Bruce doesn’t go far enough. He puts out fires but never address the sparks which start those blazes. He doesn’t go far enough. He never will. His code won’t allow him to. But Doom can. Doom did. Honestly, if you really want to keep it real, what is Bruce's endgame? What does a healthy Gotham City look like? It looks a lot like f*cking Latveria.

So to answer this question outright, i don’t think they even fight. The way this hypothetical was set up had three rounds: the first being a standard donnybrook, the second being prep time, and the last being god mode. To be perfectly honest with you, it wouldn't make it past the first round. If i had to say, with pedestrian or normie level understanding of he characters, Doom sweeps all categories. For Round one, Doom’s armor trumps all of Batman’s gadgets. For Round Two, Doom has more resources at his fingertips for prep. For Round The God Emperor Doom exists. He created several realities and killed a few Beyonders. Batman sat in a chair which gave him access to all the wisdom in the multiverse, and realized there were three Jokers. Doom all the way. My informed opinion as someone who adores both these character more than most would have me think there wouldn’t even be a conflict to begin with. I think they’d investigate the inciting catalyst, meet in person with intent to attack if necessary, size each other up until one of them made the proposal to just talk, they'd converse, and the fight would end with both of them walking away from each other with begrudging respect. Doom would admire Bruce's will and Bruce would understand the necessity of Doom's position in the world because, if you can make it make sense, Bruce will usually agree. Batman, for all of his shortcomings, is not naive to the world. He’s seen the same darkness as Doom. Doom, for all of his pompous arrogance, understands the struggle to maintain faith in those around you, even if that noble aspiration is misplaced. Bruce is one bad day away from Doom and Doom is a decades worth of days from being Bruce. They mirror each other and i think they’d see that, taking each other as cautionary tales before becoming collaborators. I don’t see them ever really becoming friends but i don't think they’d ever be true enemies.

[bookandcover]

What I miss most: “the liminal, magical space that is the live concert venue.” ~June 8, 2021

I’m so glad to have finally read this book after it was repeatedly recommended to me by several different friends. Hanif Abdurraqib has an absolute gift for crafting essays that braid his personal experiences with the (sometimes seemingly cosmic, and therefore daunting to explain or conceptualize) forces of racism, sexism, economic inequality, and nationalism in America. He also jumps seamlessly in scale and in scope, summarizing the heart of something hugely complex—a masterpiece album, a regional sound, a decades-long relationship—without reducing the irreducibly complex, without sacrificing specificity, without sounding trite. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book quite like this, although I haven’t read very much Creative Non-Fiction. Regardless, Hanif moves skillfully, masterfully. I love the collection’s confidence in narration, the love of language, the direct confrontation with that which makes us all deeply flawed (deeply human).

Each of these essays could stand alone. It’s a joy to read even one and Abdurraqib’s style shines through in just a couple pages. He crafts his stories with such dexterity. It’s clear that he comes from a background in poetry, as he celebrates language, builds vivid images, and thinks thematically. (I love the moments that are truly experimental—erasures of his own work, pieces without punctuation that flow on and on in one interlinked sequence). At the same time, he relies heavily on facts and content. Part of his conviction is born of research and depth of understanding. He knows his subject; yet, within this knowledge, he expresses personal preferences and sentimental love. I learned a ton from this book about music, about the history of particular musicians, about the relationship between racial inequality and self-expression within the field of music. Together, these essays form of complex tapestry of recent history in America seen through the lens of music. I absolutely loved the experience of coming to understand the interweaving of so many of our lives’ central questions and tensions through the history of music.

Art is inherently political, as many contemporary artists would agree (a viewpoint that counters the modernists before them who argued for the apolitical nature of art—art for art’s sake). Abdurraqib makes a very compelling argument for the deep integration of art with politics, social systems, economics, and trends. These things, however, are also deeply tied to the powerful forces of our choices, our identities, our love, and our compassion. It does not cheapen art of have it be so informed by, so shaped by political and social forces. In Abdurraqib’s worldview, art is the medium by which we reflect ourselves back to ourselves. And it’s also the medium by which we find freedom, by which we challenge ourselves to grow beyond the ways we understand ourselves to be. Race is the most central political and social theme that weaves throughout these essays, starting with the title of the book, which is introduced in the essay on Bruce Springsteen. “They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us” are the words that hang above Michael Brown’s memorial in Ferguson, Missouri. It might be hard to imagine an essay that weaves a Springsteen concert with a trip to Michael Brown’s resting place, a task that would certainly be daunting to any other writer, yet Abdurraqib navigates this with dexterity that seems natural, fundamental to how he thinks about the world.

Within the framework of race in America, some of the themes from these essays that I most appreciated and internalized included: Black joy (when it’s expressed and what it means), the markings of wealth (in the context of a journey out of poverty), and the policing of authenticity (or other forms of self-expression/emotion). Black joy is mentioned repeatedly in these essays, as something to be commented on for its rareness, while also positing the idea that music is a space that more boldly permits Black joy. Awareness of joy seems flow underneath these essays; it’s something not taken for granted, something treasured. I found this awareness of joy in the essay on Nina Simone’s Blackness and in the contrast between how she is portrayal by Hollywood and how she lives on in Abdurraqib’s childhood memories. I found this awareness of joy in the essay “Surviving Punk Rock Long Enough to Find Afropunk,” which focused on the exclusion of Black bodies from punk rock spaces (and the disregard for the handful of Black bodies that dared to enter anyway), while emphasizing the inherent survival in the African American experience that resonants deeply with punk rock’s values. A longing for a space that is joyful for Black people was addressed beautifully in the essay on Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson, in which Abdurraqib wishes for a home in the darkness of the photo of the two of them, where he sees “a small & black eternity.”

One of my favorite essays in the collection was the piece “Burning That Which Will Not Save You: Wipe Me Down and the Ballad of Baton Rouge,” which focuses on the rise of three Baton Rouge rappers—Foxx, Lil Boosie, and Webbie—in the years that followed Hurricane Katrina, which changed the outlook of Baton Rouge and its relationship to loud neighbor New Orleans. The essay breaks down the fundamental pieces of the rapper persona (circa mid-to-late 2000s): shoulders, chest, pants, shoes. For each of these elements, the essential nature of each is discussed, particularly as they relate to signaling both wealth and self-confidence: the dream realized. I loved this essay because it brilliantly articulated something I’ve always sensed (understood in myself in certain ways), but been unable to well-articulate, which is the power of “markings of wealth” in the life of someone who has survived through poverty, or an understanding of the proximity of poverty. For this person, the possession of wealth (things that show wealth, that communicate its presence to others, whether or not there is a real depth of wealth) feels and is different. Someone wears their wealth differently if they are conscious of it. This is a different look than that of the third-generation millionaire’s son for whom a real depth of security is so deeply ingrained as to limit the frame of imagination to always include it. I loved how this essay explained that wealth is not an universally proud/cocky look, but instead braggadocios, something that has a lot of context, a lot of nuance, a lot to do with environment and habit and understanding of temporary/permanent.

Sports, another space in which the economic and political forces of America come head-to-head with the personal and lived experiences of diverse Americans, also center several of these essays. Abdurraqib has a similar appreciation of sports—spaces of fandom, spaces of mass-appeal, spaces where the struggles and triumphs of a few become the struggles and triumphs of many—as he has of music. The social discussion around sports also holds a magnifying class to systemic racism, a process which Abdurraqib unpacks and examines. Serena Williams is discussed as an example of the policing of Black self-expression (policing how she expresses anger, how she expresses confidence, i.e. “too loudly” for the white Western world), topics also addressed in depth in “On Kindness.” “Black Life On Film” tackles the way violence is romanticized and compartmentalized as part of the Black experience, allowing an observation of violence for white viewers that is unhinged from a need to alleviate it, to address it. These same tensions and problems bubble forth in the dialogue around sports, as the eyes of the nation are turned to popular topics, which are filtered through (nearly exclusively, exhaustively) the same biased lenses.

As Abdurraqib develops these complex themes, he relies on a few central tools that are essential to his literary project. To point out these common tools is not to say that Abdurraqib only has a couple tricks up his sleeve. These aren’t “tricks” at all. Instead, these seem important to how he thinks about the world, things that are inseparable from his mode of observation.

His most central tool is the “parallel events” essay structure. With this approach, Abdurraqib details what happened for him personally as events occurred elsewhere that rocked the framework and landscape of America. A collapse of time collapses distance. Abdurraqib seems to have experienced many of these such moments of collapse, as he vividly recalls where he was and what he was doing as particular significant events unfolded. The eeriness of these experiences are not lost on a reader; we’ve all been there. To say that Abdurraqib has experienced many of these is to, perhaps, point out how much current events impact and rock him (as they always do those who belong to the groups that are, time and time again, targeted and destroyed in America). But it’s also, perhaps, to point out the precision of Abdurraqib’s memory. He holds onto details like a vice, capturing for us in painful and poignant specificity the situation in which he personally broke against the tragedy of the news (as the news breaks to us, we break against it, like waves). One of the delicate powers of Abdurraqib’s use of this essay structure is the way that his personal narrative is not cheapened, nor lessened when set up against the national event, the event we all remember. Instead, one is given the right urgency and the other given the right intimacy.

This technique for framing an essay (an experience, a life) begins in the essay “A Night in Bruce Springsteen’s America” in which a white older man at a Springsteen concert tells Abdurraqib he was at another Springsteen show on the evening Lennon was murdered. While this man wishes that “no one gets killed out there during the show this time,” there’s no world in which, for Abdurraqib, someone is not killed out there during this show. The cycle of loss that is stitched into Abdurraqib’s environment, his racial identity, is too great for him to ever hold that same hope. I think that this technique of parallel events (one personal and intimate, one tectonic and tragic) is best maximized in the short piece “August 9, 2014,” a poetic erasure of Abdurraqib’s own writing. In the main text, Abdurraqib recounts something that seems, on the surface, like an every day experience: another passenger complaining on the flight he’s boarding, a mother asking to switch seats so her son can look out the window. With the bulk of the text crossed out, the secondary narrative that emerges from the remaining words is of another mother asking for her son. The date in the title clarifies that this secondary mother-son narrative centers on the shooting of 18-year-old Michael Brown. The longing, the seeking, the asking of both mothers exists in a poignant overly. Perhaps what the mother on the plane asks for is trivial, all things considered, but Abdurraqib never dismisses her impulse to shelter her son, from fear, but, at the same time, to let him see the world beyond the plane’s window. The personal and small that occurs in Abdurraqib’s unique experience takes on the sacredness, the elevation of the cosmic, the tectonic plate shifts of death/life, and also the heralding in of a new/old era in America with the birth of the Black Lives Matter movement.

My favorite, though, of all these essays was “Fall Out Boy Forever,” one of the most personal in the collection. Abdurraqib places the loss of his closest friend to suicide into the context of the rise, fall, and rebirth (as if from the ashes) of the band they both loved. Abdurraqib’s long-term fan following of Fall Out Boy works like pearls on a string, moments in time that span years, yet unite into a collective personal narrative. This narrative rang so, so true to me, as someone for whom the bulk of the past six years has been shaped by my relationship to a specific band. Their narrative contains my narrative; my narrative contains their narrative. Their concerts, their albums, their successes, their growth—these things exist like glowing points on the thread of my experience. I recall my life within this thread, anchored by it. I know the previous time I was able to see my grandparents, down to the exact date three years ago, because it followed on the heels of a particular BTS album that played in my ears over and over that week. I know when and where I traveled within the timeline of their music. I know when my friendships blossomed, pinned to the backdrop that is their musical evolution. I know the ways they challenged and changed me, changed my writing, grew my sense of myself. I know how inseparable I am from BTS, and I saw this so poignantly reflected in Abdurraqib’s journey with Fall Out Boy.

Like any true fan (the fan who is not self-interested, the fan who is there for the ups and downs, the fan who is there for the real story), Abdurraqib observes the members of Fall Out Boy with such astuteness (this made me go and listen to more Fall Out Boy songs than I ever had before). I loved the way he captures the dynamic between the band members. He’s great at this in general (his insights into the intra-band relationships in Fleetwood Mac and the production of the album Rumors was also so engaging), but there’s a different intimacy, a different kind of care with Fall Out Boy. Abdurraqib’s ability to so clearly reveal his own close relationship with Tyler in the context of Fall Out Boy’s inner life is striking and heart-breaking—from Patrick’s frantic internalization of his music (performed for himself, yet in front of a crowd) without Pete’s complimentary/conflicting (necessary) presence when Abdurraqib seems him perform solo in Austin, to Tyler’s DESTROY WHAT DESTROYS YOU patch that Abdurraqib casts into the pit at a concert after wearing it to shows for years. To me, Tyler leapt from these pages, alive in the space where Fall Out Boy and their audience come together, transcending his own life’s timeframe in the liminal, magical space that is the live concert venue. This essay made me feel less alone in my experience of life perceived through the lens of music. This essay was Abdurraqib’s project at its most intimate, where the perception that happens through the lens of music is, most fundamentally, that of one’s self.

[taffystake]

So......Are you ready for the encore?

Taffy’s Take: Dark Nights Death Metal #1

Written by: Scott “Hallowed Be Thy Name” Snyder

Pencils by: Greg “Panikiller” Capullo

Inks by: Jonathan “Motorbreath” Glapion

Colors by: FCO “Fixxxer” Plascencia

So....it has all finally come to this. The finale. The ultimatum in a long saga of stories that started in the original Dark Nights, began showing its hand in No Justice, and was fully fleshed out with Snyder’s Justice League run. And it opens with a resounding boom that rivets your attention straight to the story and won’t let go until the pages run out. 

We open with Sergeant Rock, preparing himself and an unknown audience for a conflict to come. When or where this is set is somewhat unknown, but the massive futuristic assault rifle he levels to emphasis his last line says that Rock is somewhere in the modern day.

After the credits page, featuring a map of the current world of the DCU and a message that calls Death Metal an “Anti-Crisis”, we cut to Wonder Woman, hard at work deconstructing the invisible jet with a buzzsaw-like device in the literal depths of hell (Originally Themyscira) when someone interrupts her over approaching people. Said person is the flaming, green-covered skeleton that Swamp Thing has become in this world and he says that someone is coming with prisoners. And as Diana walks through her prison to meet these people, we get to see the absolute myriad of villains entombed in the place, including Joker. Once they reach the quartet, we get to meet Batmage, a red-suited Batman, a cloaked figure, and.....Bat-Tyrannosaurus. After some very terse banter, Diana is forced to throw this unknown prisoner into the pits of Tartarus. But before he is cast into the depths, he mutters something to Diana that makes her recognize the person for a moment.

After that, we are shown Castle Bat and given a backstory of a specific field within that area and the rebels who died within the tunnels underneath it before pulling back to a panel of a castle, with The Batman Who Laughs’ twisted Robins and Joker dragons dominating the structure. And then we meet The Batman Who Laughs’ League, composed of pairings of heros and Dark Multiverse Batmen. We have Harley Quinn and Dr Arkham, Aquaman and Bathomet, Wonder Woman and Batmage, and Mister Miracle and Darkfather. With each of them, we get a small question about their current work, with the most noteworthy being Mister Miracle revealing that Superman has almost succumbed to the Anti-Life Equation. Content with their briefings, The Batman Who Laughs begins to explain how Perpetua, the god who created their multiverse, has destroyed another of their universe, leaving only 8 before The Batman Who Laughs and Perpetua can remake the multiverse however they desire. Before we can hear more, we’re dragged into Diana’s perspective as the true Batman engages in a psychic link with her, trying to advocate for a small victory rather than the sweeping final win that Diana desires. As her thoughts turn towards what happened to result in the current state of the universe and her lack of memory about what caused it, The Batman Who Laughs interrupts her as he can tell that she is hiding something.

And at that moment, an explosive arrow fires out of the nearby woods and nearly vaporizes The Batman Who Laughs. Sacrificing one of his Robins, we soon see Bruce stride out to exchange threats with The Batman Who Laughs, who takes with some jest before ordering an entire squadron of Dark Multiverse Batmen to kill Bruce. While the enslaved Justice League does their best to take advantage of the distraction, their Dark Multiverse minders are quick to detain them from any rebellious actions. So Bruce is left alone, simply standing in this field to face down an army. And as The Batman Who Laughs monologues about how disappointed the brave men and women who died in this field would be at Bruce’s actions, he asks him what he would say to justify himself.

His answer?

One word.

“RISE.”

And so, with a BLACK LANTERN RING ON HIS FINGER, BRUCE WAYNE SUMMONS AN ARMY OF UNDEAD REBELS TO FIGHT THE DARK MULTIVERSE BATMEN JUST PURELY TO DEMONSTRATE WHAT HIS METHOD CAN DO TO DIANA BEFORE RIDING OFF ON A SKELETAL MOTORCYCLE AND LEAVING ZOMBIE JONAH HEX TO CONTINUE LEADING THE ASSAULT.

And now, as the audience both in the know about all of that and not in the know but hyped as hell because BRUCE WAYNE WENT FULL FUCKING NECROMANCER sits in the afterglow of that amazing moment, we cut to a single page depicting the planet Ossex as the Main Man, Lobo, unearths something from underneath the living bone of the planet.

Having made it back to Themyscira, Diana is quick to continue with the rebellion, setting off into Tartarus to see who this mystery prisoner is. And its...Wally West, with a Dr Manhattan-style hydrogen atom drawn into the forehead of his costume. And with Wally, we finally get an explanation of what the hell is going on. See, with the traditional multiverses, they are created using the positive energies that were explored in the Justice League run, things like the Speed Force, the Emotional Spectrum, Imagination. The inverse, stuff like chaos magic and the forces of doom that Perpetua wished to bring to power (and succeeded at doing) are what Wally calls Crisis Energy. And whereas the positive energies wish to create a strong united universe, Crisis Energies wish to simply make only one thing, one moment, one person important. And so, when Perpetua was trapped after her attempts to make a universe of war out of crisis energy, she did her best to instigate crises and came back empowered with all that energy. Meanwhile, the league, empowered by the slightly failed efforts of Dr Manhattan to ‘fix’ the multiverse, gathered all the positive energy they could and then, between the last issue of Justice League and Death Metal, the two forces clashed. Which, since they were basically smashing tow inverse forces together, resulted in both sides burning themselves out.

Now, that block of text could be extremely dry feeling, but it works really well in the two page spread, with the word balloons beginning to form an infinity symbol as images of past crises ranging from the original Crisis On Infinite Earths to Emerald Twilight to Dark Nights Metal in the background. 

But back to the story. With that explanation done, Wonder Woman begins to theorize potentially going back to those crises and gathering this information for themselves in order to reshape the universe themselves. Resulting in....”The first Anti-Crisis” The Batman Who Laughs interrupts with, striding into Tartarus to cut his own deal with Wonder Woman to let him take control over Perpetua. If she helps him, she gets all the people Perpetua has trapped and their own planet. And after that, he emphasizes how she can’t out-plan him, how he’s already prepared for her to knock him out, use the invisible jet she was being forced to deconstruct and melt down to give her armor that would render her undetectable. Wonder Woman is quick to counter that despite all the knowledge The Batman Who Laughs says he has, that entire plan is what Bruce would do. So he is quick to counter, stating so then she’d make a weapon, some sort of sword?

But it seems The Batman Who Laughs didn’t account for two things. One, for Diana to have already made her weapon before he showed up. Two, she didn’t need to make a sword. And so, with a pull of its ripcord, THE CHAINSAW OF TRUTH CLEAVES ITS WAY THROUGH THE BATMAN WHO LAUGHS IN A SPLASH PAGE OF PURE ENERGY ERUPTING OUT OF THE DEMON WHERE THE CHAINSAW IS CUTTING THROUGH HIM!

The comic ends with two quick one panel stories. The first, with Batmage executing a final plan that The Batman Who Laughs had in place to unleash a final Bruce Wayne. Which only sounds mildly menacing, unti the art shows both a button with a watchmen-style frownie face and the final Bruce Wayne in silhouette, a glowing hydrogen atom on his forehead.

The other is a cut back to Sergeant Rock, still continuing with his tirade from the beginning of the comic before he is taken out of the moment by Batman coming to retrieve him for the big fight. And as Batman promises One last fight with everyone together, we get to see in silhouette that Sergeant Rock is missing his everything below his torso, revealing himself to likely be another resurrection from Bruce’s Black Lantern ring.

So, in summary, IM PUMPED TO SEE WHAT HEIGHTS THIS THING HITS! THE BIG MOMENTS WERE SO DAMNED COOL! THE ART IS STILL THE ABSOLUTE ALL KILLER NO FILLER THAT CAPULLO ROCKED OUT WITH IN THE LAST DARK NIGHTS METAL EVENT AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT NEW SPORES OF MADNESS HE GETS TO CREATE FOR THIS STORY! 

And while I’d like to be pure hype beast, that feels a little disingenuous when I do have some small moments that seem like they could be tweaked. Both of the long exposition scenes for the Dead Bats and the Positive Energy vs Crisis Energy could have potentially stood for another pass just to really tighten them up, but I will also admit that both those scenes kinda deserve to be long-winded. The Dead Bats to make sure that the setup for Batman with a Black Lantern Ring summoning an army at that point works and the Energy one because its explaining the entire setup for the rest of the event series and it helps lull things down so that the hype of Chainsaw of Truth can hit like it should. 

So yeah, this thing is absolutely something any Scott Snyder fan, any DC fan, heck Id almost venture to say anyone interested in comics read. None of the story elements of the comic intrinsically need you to know the backstory behind them, but there are definitely rewards for knowing DC continuity in general and Scott Snyder’s previous works in this arcing story. So yeah, I am going to sit here, vibrating in anticipation as I await the next issue of Death Metal from the Cowboys From Hell on their encore tour.

[spirit-science-blog]

“Time not important… only life important.” yep, we’re going there, things are about to get a little bit philosophical now that we’re dealing with the Fifth Element...no..not the Alchemical Quintessence, but close! That crazy 1990s Sci-Fi about a killer planet, the power of love… and… You know, Bruce Willis’s Wacky Taxi Adventures... and all that…

So, major spoiler alert… The fifth element is Love. Well, kind of...it’s this woman called Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat… For short, Leeloo is the fifth element, and in essence: a perfect, supreme being of sorts. In a way, she’s kind of like Avatar Aan, destined to unite with the other classical elements in an ancient Egyptian temple to act as a defense system against this super evil Dark Force called Mr. Shadow - which takes on the form of a cruel planet, whose only goal is to destroy life in a cosmic cycle every 5000 years.

It’s a movie that’s had its fair share of criticism, especially in the gender department… Leeloo is the only real female character, with others appearing randomly throughout as passive objects, sex objects, or with most of their femininity stripped away like Major Iceborg. Aside from the fifth element herself, there’s a real lack of divine feminine in this story, but then again, her nature itself does embody many characteristics of the divine feminine: powerful, unique, and beyond the understanding of nearly everyone that she meets.

Regarding the plot, we have kind of a Raava vs. Vaatu thing happening like from Legend of Korra… and it’s hard not to draw lines to Avatar here considering the whole elemental theme huh? In the intro, we see an archaeologist deciphering ancient words regarding the conjunction of celestial bodies, something we should all do more of you know? Which, by the way, if you haven’t picked up your edition of the 2021 Almanac of the New Age, I might highly recommend it, because it helps you do just that without being randomly surprised by a giant robot-alien! Before they show up though, the archaeologist has to keep yelling to Aziz to wake up, as the kid keeps nodding off… I wonder if this is subtly depicting how humanity keeps falling asleep and thus the light that illuminates sacred knowledge is not currently stable. Yet when the advanced beings come to show the way, the light is blinding… Powerful and concrete.

There’s also a sense here that humans are the custodians of Earth, so we have to protect it from darkness and destruction ourselves, and while these higher beings help when the time is right, they cannot do it for us. While Love is shown as this mythical force that these advanced beings can use to defeat the darkness, it could also be said that Love is neutral energy between Light and Dark, one that is capable of harmonizing both sides, ultimately resetting the cycle, something that is echoed in Zorg’s speech later on.

All this knowledge is of course passed down through a secret brotherhood of priests, acting as keepers through the generations, of which there are many stories of secret societies doing the same in our history, and amazingly in the future where the main story takes place, Priest Cornelius is also an “Expert of Astrophenomenon”. He’s not just an expert on the metaphysical, but also seemingly the scientific study of space, and there’s certainly a sense that he’s got that whole balance thing down to a tee, working to better his understanding of both science and spirit by combining the two fields.  

So when the military fires a bunch of missiles at Mr. Shadow, it’s interesting to see how they treat Cornelius, who tries to explain to them what Mr. Shadow is, to which he is mostly ignored, and they continue trying to brute force the problem. Yet Evil begets more Evil - as Cornelius explains, subtly referencing that the military's weapons, or at least their intentions. Mr. Shadow - symbolic of “our” shadow selves, demonstrates that it will grow in power if you try to destroy it with the same mindset that created it. The only way to truly harmonize the darkness is through love.

Even more impressive is this disconnect between the President of Earth and Earth itself. While, of course, they are trying to protect the earth and all of its life, when we see the world, we have to ask… are those living? Police and robots so heavily control everything, it’s smoggy, you see some crazy representations of people like the guy who tries to rob Korben in his apartment, and I’m not sure I saw a single tree…

Now, Major Dallas, to that end, of course, represents the divine masculine, also fulfilling the warrior archetype. While, of course, he checks all the classic hero tropes of the ex-lone warrior destined to save the world and fall in love with a perfect supreme sacred woman, the way it plays out DOES provides us with a bit of wisdom for ourselves concerning synchronicity. He describes that what he wants is to meet that perfect woman, and she falls from the sky into his cab. Perhaps this is a nod to manifestation in some way, as it’s their love story that’s the key to resolving the movie's conflict. It’s also a reminder for us that when we stumble into synchronicity, we have to be willing to take that leap of faith and follow where it leads us. For Korben, he has an opportunity to give LeeLoo up to the coppers but ends up putting his whole life at risk for her instead, but it’s THIS path that leads to the world being saved. Korben has to ask himself what’s important, following his heart and helping someone in need or earning more points on his taxi license…

Now, Leeloo on the other hand, through her character explores the nature of spirituality, DNA, and the physical capabilities of our souls within a body. A big topic in spirituality today is the science of ascension - we made a whole workshop on that which you can watch for free if you like - and what enlightenment might look like or do to our physical bodies. Leeloo’s DNA is perfect.. But it isn’t inhuman. There’s nothing really out of the ordinary about her DNA, she has the same genetic composition as us, just more of it, more tightly packed, allowing for greater inherent genetic knowledge and potential. Perhaps there’s a message here that the human genome is already whole, we just need to utilize its latent capabilities to find inner harmony, leading to a leveling up of what we are truly capable of.  

So if Korben was like Link and LeeLoo was Princess Zelda, Zorg would be Ganondorf, completing the trinity. Zorg actually drops some pretty interesting wisdom in his discussion with Cornelius. Despite his “evil” role, his whole name is Jean Baptiste Emanuel Zorg, being named after the prophet and saint in many religions, and Emanuel meaning ”God is with us” in Hebrew. Zorg explains that life itself results from chaos and disorder at times. He believes that by creating a little destruction, he is encouraging life to renew itself, so the Priest and he are really in the same business… while it might just sound like he’s been brainwashed by the Shadow, when we look deeper, we do find some hidden spirituality!

His ideology is in alignment with the wisdom of the importance and honorable role of darkness in our reality. Much like the tower or death card in the major arcana or the shells of the Qliphoth in the Kabbalah, agents of darkness often come to give structure, boundaries, and direction for light to move through, as well as clearing stagnant energy to make way for new and evolved paradigms. Much like the cycles and sine waves that move through nature, energy flows through peaks and valleys that balance each other out.

Zorg knows he is a monster and is proud of it. He’s a businessman at heart, powerful from the money of capitalism, and a reflection of society's state of awareness and evolution. As we mentioned, this future society is portrayed as consumerist and still dwelling on issues of pollution and crime, even in spite of great new technologies. Perhaps that’s why the Darkness had to come, to help propel the evolution of consciousness forward and bring about divine love. However, while the love between Korben and Leeloo is highly symbolic, it doesn’t seem to affect basically anyone else, which might call us to ask ourselves… would it have been better for humanity and its pollution to be destroyed? This - at the very least - seems to be the underlying thinking behind Zorgs criminal activity. Ultimately, in the face of darkness, humans must come together to accomplish things and stop evil, something we wouldn’t do otherwise… This is what makes us evolve as a species.

Zorg perfectly encapsulates his philosophy in his quote about glass, saying “this glass is serene and boring, but when destroyed, a lovely ballet ensues full of form and color”. He then knocks it off the table and a bunch of little vacuum cleaner droids come and clean it up. Describing that the “People who created them, technicians, engineers, now have money to feed their children. They are part of the chain of life".

Interestingly though, Zorg is only a monster because life experiences took him there, but he started like any of us. There is a nice lesson from Cornelius about how fickle life is: all of Zorg’s power counts for absolutely nothing when his entire empire comes crashing down because of one little cherry. Cornelius saves Zorg’s life regardless, showing us the virtue of the angels, even towards the demons.

When the team finally makes it to the alien space opera, we get to meet Ruby Rhod and Plavalaguna. Ruby is one of the most unique parts of this movie… Crazy sexual antics aside, he is unapologetically authentic to his true nature, bending gender standards and seemingly embodying masculine and feminine with grace and humor. Perhaps the epitome of the wacky human spirit. And then as for Plavalaguna, she has some very ascended master vibes. The Mondoshawans entrusted her with the safekeeping of the elemental stones, who actually carries them inside her body as a safeguard. From a Spiritual perspective, this seems to describe how we all embody the classical elements within us. She even senses Leeloo's presence behind a wall down the hallway, implying she has some measure of clairvoyance. Interestingly, like the Mondoshawan from earlier, she doesn’t seem overly concerned with her own death, echoing the movie’s sentiment that time is not important, only life. Deeper though, it appears that she knew she was going to die all along, in order for the stones to get out of her…. We’re not even gonna ask how she got the stones inside her in the first place...that’d be one hard pill to swallow, let alone perform an entire opera with these giant rocks in your belly. Mad props to her.

Perhaps the reason superior beings don’t fear death as we do is that they know the bigger picture, they know these lives are transitory, so they don’t mind dying for a cause, as they understand the purpose of this life in the bigger scheme of things. Knowing that the flux and flow between life and death is transient, they’ll be back in the right place and the right time as life requires it. In the same way, in traditional tarot the horse Death is riding, is stepping over a prone king, which symbolizes that not even royalty can stop change. Plava understands her role and accepts her death, after imparting wisdom to Dallas that Leeloo is still fragile and somewhat human, despite her seeming physical evolution.

This idea of Leeloo still being human, however, forms a key part of the ending, as up until this point she has been learning all of human history via an alphabetical database… When she learns of war, she loses hope in humanity after seeing the darker sides of our past. Certainly, we can’t blame her, humans are the only species to cut down a forest to make room for a billboard that says “stop deforestation”, I’d be pretty shocked about our history too. However, Korben’s love shows her that love is an undefinable thing, it’s not a stone like the other elements, but a feeling between people that permeates everything and is worth fighting and caring for.

It’s pretty funny that when it comes down to it, none of the characters actually know how to activate the super-love bomb. Leeloo doesn’t know what will happen, but she continues to follow her divine calling to be on that platform without second-guessing herself, even if she didn’t know at the end how to activate the final “weapon”..she follows her own inner voice and calling and is guided into defeating the darkness, speaking to the importance of following our intuition and own inner guide.

Ultimately love is shown to be something with no boundaries, no clear explanations, but still exists through us, changing our lives in powerful ways. And through thousands of years, it will stay as the most important thing worthy to fight for. It’s no accident that in a time of such modernized technologies and possibilities humanity once again has to turn to nature for help in the form of the elements. It reminds people that technology cannot always provide protection, it is nature that always has been the source of power, as it exists forever. And only things that are eternal, like nature and love, are of true significance. Today, it seems people either love or hate this movie, but whatever way the coin falls, it is undoubtedly a fun experience, and packed to the brim with spiritual wisdom!

So until next time, be mindful of what you do with the gift of life, cause we never know when a sentient evil planet might try and eat us. Toodles!

This video was created by Team Spirit Connect with the team at https://spiritsciencecentral.com/about

[dagenspear]

Crisis On Infinite Earths Outline Fix, Part 2

Like some I disliked the crossover, it's the worst out of all of them, and this is my preference for it to be done. This one is the first of the more aggressive changes to the crossover. Here are the ideas God blessed me with:

In the opening of the episode, Oliver wakes up on Lian Yu, then searching it, seeing visual reminders of his losses from the past, then being confronted by the Spectre, a green cloaked, shrouded figure, who quickly defeats Oliver and pins him to the ground, telling him his destiny is finally upon him.

This part has a bit more going on, so I'll explain in lettered plots:

A. This is a Batwoman episode, so like Kara was more or less the focus before, she's the focus here. The main structure and this bleeds into the B plot, is that the Monitor is dead now and the crisis is sill happening and they want to help other earths try and prevent E2's and Supergirl Earth's destruction for themselves. This plot is much more involved here. Using Pariah, someone who can sense the destruction of an Earth, sets their breach devices by a signal that'll send them to an earth by how close it is to being hit by the antimatter, taking them to the place where that might originate. Kate does this, but not before being found by E-1 Bruce, played by David Giuntoli, whose come due to the end of world type situation that's unraveling. We will expand on why this Bruce left. When Jason Todd was murdered, he became bitter and filled with rage and in this fit he hunted down the Joker and nearly killed him. Seeing himself as no longer fit to be Batman, he left, but this situation is dire enough to convince him to step back up. He and Kate travel to a few earths to warn those earths of the crisis, going to Gotham first. The First is Birds Of Prey TV Series Earth 109, where she meets Helena Kyle, played by Ashley Scott, and Dinah Lance, played by Rachel Skarsten, and with a vocal cameo by Oracle, played by Dina Meyer. Bruce is distraught at the idea of an earth where he's had a daughter. Kate is taken aback by Dinah's appearance, and doesn't know how to deal with it, but pushes through to find out where Batman is, thinking he may be able to help. Earth 109's Batman is Kevin Conroy Bruce, a bitter, angry and alone Bruce whose lost almost everything in his life. Alfred, Jason, Damien his son, Selina and Kate. Here we delve into why he left Helena and Gotham, seeing himself and Batman as nothing but an bringer of pain and death of all that he cares about. He's angry at Helena for her staying as a vigilante, thinking it will only bring to her what it's brought to him, that and his fear of bringing his family pain driving him to stay away. KC Bruce relents when he hears about the crisis, but it's too late and the anti-matter sweeps in, taking out Gotham, Helena with it, as Kate uses a breach device to take her, E1 Bruce and KC Bruce out of there. KC Bruce is devastated at this, but regroups out of a desire for revenge against what's done this. Kate realizes the breach device took them to Gotham TV Series Earth 14, met with Bruce Wayne, played by David Mazouz. They explain the situation to him, he's shocked, but grasps the importance of the situation and offers to help, him being dismissed due to his age and lack of experience. He protests this, but is met with the other Bruces viewing him as naive, citing their losses and how he doesn't understand the cost of being Batman, DM Bruce angrily snapping back that they've failed the city their parents wanted to protect, rejecting that future for himself, of giving up like that. But the red skies begin to emerge, the shadow creatures beginning to sweep across the world. KC Bruce almost taking a sadistic pleasure at the idea of destroying these things, as he activates his armored bodysuit. It wouldn't have to be too fancy as far as budget wise.

B. This one is much smaller, showing a few similar aspects, but not leaning so hard into the fan service in the way the show does. Kara, Lois and Clark, using the breach device set to tracing antimatter signatures, go to Smallville TV show's Earth 217. There they meet SV Clark and Lois, who still have kids. Kara's shellshocked to see Lois look so similar to her mom. At an earlier point of this story, Kara begins to feel obsessed with the idea of turning back time and preventing her earth and Argo's destruction, pushing Ray to try and figure out how to get the waverider to time travel, so she can prevent it. Seeing a Lois who looks like her mom doesn't help. They warn him of the crisis, offering up the ways it can be at least held off, as they try and find a way to stop it entirely, suggesting he gather the help needed to make it happen as they seek out other earths to warn. Then leaving, going to Superman The Movie/Series Earth 78. Where they meet Brandon Routh's Superman, who explains to them his losses due to the same thing as what happened in the show, Kara reflecting on the loss of this Superman and how he strives not to lose himself. Him agreeing to help in any way he can. Meanwhile SV Clark goes to Lex Luthor played by Michael Rosenbaum. He convinces Lex to supply what's needed for the tower to try and hold back the antimatter.

C. This one is more simple than the others. Sara, Barry and Mia try to work out what to do with Oliver, whose badly injured, but the waverider isn't able to heal him due to the creature's attacks being based in antimatter energy. They get Jjonn to project them into Oliver's mind to try and figure out what's going on, after Jjonn tells them that he senses that although Oliver's soul is still connected to his body, it's somewhere else. Oliver questions the Spectre's meaning and where he's come from, the Spectre telling him he was once Jim Corrigan, a officer who sought justice once but allowed himself to become corrupt and killed someone to save his own skin, only to be killed himself, in his dying moments finding God and repenting for his sins, God saving his life by giving him the opportunity to become a heroic force in the world, by being like a vessel for God's vengeance on earth. Spectre tells Oliver that it's now his turn to do the same and become a vessel's for God's vengeance of the multiverse against the Anti-Monitor. Oliver repents, giving his life to God and Jesus Christ, accepting this as his destiny. But not before Mia, Barry and Sara arrive, calling to Oliver. Oliver, torn at first, grasps the importance of this, and agrees, the Spectre's white-greenish energy emerging from underneath his shrouded cloaked face and breathing into Oliver. Barry, Mia and Sara are bounced out of Oliver's mind and Oliver's body disappears from the waverider in a flash of light.

At the conclusion of the episode, the heroes gather to fight back the forces collecting on Earth 14. In the midst of this, we'd get some old fashioned fan service, with KC Batman and BR Superman fighting back to back, and E1 Bruce and TH Superman fighting together as well. Meanwhile, we catch a glimpse of something similar happening on Earth 217, with Lex himself in an armored suit and Clark as Superman. The Bats are focused on beating the shadow creatures, while DM Bruce sees a family trapped in an area surrounded by shadow creatures, seeing the Supers and others making sure the hold back the majority of the shadow creatures to ensure the majority of civilians escape (though this is shown to not be possible as the shadow creatures are even more powerful than before), he throws a small explosive to break them free, and takes the heat of the shadow creatures, him taking a hits from them, it severely injuring him. KC Bruce takes DM Bruce's sacrifice in as he helps defend Kate, as she catches this. The shadow creatures begin to overwhelm them. When suddenly, E-38 Lex Luthor emerges through a breach and, surprisingly, uses a sonic machine that's emitting waves that cause the shadow creatures to stop attacking temporarily, E-38 Clark and Kara frozen in shock at seeing him, as he smiles smarmily at them and tells them, "Hurry up, I can't save you for very long with this!" Kate reacts quickly and manages to grab Bruce, just in time to escape as the earth collapses in on itself, every one of the team following suit.

Now, DM Bruce lay dying, the damage from the shadow creatures causing his body to fail. Gideon explains that it'd need a near perfect genetic match of Bruce to transfer non shadow creature damaged DNA, which would cause the one who transferred it to die in cellular degradation. KC Bruce stops E1 Bruce before he volunteers and takes the hit, explaining that he's lost his way and to tell DM Bruce thank you for showing him what it means to be Batman again, that it's not about punishing the guilty, but about preserving the innocence of those who are defenseless. The process starts and it heals DM Bruce, as KC Bruce dies. Kate cries in a mixture of grief and relief as DM Bruce wakes up, and she gives him the thanks, as well as from herself and E1 Bruce does so as well. Gideon does maintain that DM Bruce stay in sick bay, when he tries to get back to the fight. Kate and E1 that they can be enough Bat for now.

Meanwhile E-38 Clark and Kara throw Lex up against the wall, and angrily interrogates him about what he has to do with this. Lex remains cavalier about the situation, snarkily asking them if they can't handle it when he shows them that he's the hero. Kara and Clark's eyes glow with heat vision energy, before they reel themselves in, releasing him. Brandon Routh Superman asks him how he was able to stop those shadow creatures. Lex replying with, "Oh, another one. Delightful. At least this one has manners." Further explaining that it didn't stop them, but held them off temporarily by blocking the signal of whatever was controlling them. They question that, much to Lex's amusement, him outloud stating, "It's a good thing the Monitor brought me into this. Obviously, none of you are equipped with the brainpower to save humanity." Lex looks to E-38 Clark, saying, "It's gonna be fun working together again, don't you think?" Much to Clark's scowling.

The team are then alerted to the waverider jumping to one of the next earths that's to be wiped out. The waverider jumps.

Sara then calls the whole team to the control room, everyone rushing to it. Barry and the rest are met with the horror that Earth 1 is one of the next earths to be engulfed in the antimatter wave. Pariah appears, and begins laughing. Barry reacts furiously to this, grabbing him and asking him what he finds funny. Pariah explains that when he released the Anti-Monitor, he was promised that when this time came, he would get to do the damage. Barry slowly begins to realize what he's saying, as Pariah's eyes glow red and he superspeeds around the waverider cockpit, knocking everyone off their feet. Eobard Thawne stands over a shocked Barry in full Reverse Flash garb and says that their crisis has come.

TO BE CONTINUED...

END OF PART TWO.

Please review and tell me what you think!

[minnyrtwo-blog]

Jm310 individual article

Article title: The unspoken message of professor Bruce

At the fisrt class of JM310, professor Bruce declared plenty of the class concrete rules and requirements without any reason.

“I’m calling his bluff”, Tuspon, a student in JM310 class, said while his friends were preparing for two black, red, and blue pens for the course’s Quiz 1, which he later realized his decision was wrong. Professor Bruce really took the rules serious.

At first, after professor Bruce declared his class rules, Tuspon disagreed to, and had no intention to follow them as he was never a rule-person. But after he paid prices for his stubborn for a few times, he decided to open himself to professor Bruce’s ways of teaching, only with the reason of getting over with.

Two black pens, two red pens, and two blue pens

As mentioned, Tuspon did not believe that bring those pens will provide any benefits at first. Storing some colored pens was fine, but two for each was very tedious to him. But, he eventually understood its purpose after he had his blue pen ran out of ink during the exam and to only way to get out of that situation was only to have another copy of blue pen, which he ironically had from the 301 class. This is his first impression to professor’s Bruce requirements. He found that these requirements were not nonsense after all, and started to drop his bias.

Then, he started to understand each of professor Bruce rules and requirements one by one. But he found one of them was very effective.

Random members

It was very annoying when he first knew that the group members, which he had to be stuck with for the rest of the semester, would be randomly grouped. “This is gonna mess things up real hard”, he thought himself. He felt that working with new students would ruin all the communication flow and suddenly destroy the whole project.

This is another he was wrong. Having random members in the group took all the power dynamic out. Imagine when all of the group members are friends, especially in Thai society. There would be a lot of holding-backs, some might even ignore to do the work and still get away. But not this time, everyone was active to cooperate to the group work as they did not know one another enough to not care making the work even more effective.

It is like professor Bruce tried to individualize things. Tuspon felt think everything in the class, even the group work, was somehow structured for everyone to take responsible for themselves. To him, it’s like all the cards are shuffled, no one would be able to take advantage of their social status, like everyone would get as much as they earn.

Lastly, Tuspon found that professor Bruce did a great job on teaching students, though some messages were not clearly clarified making some people might still not understand him. Anyways, he knows that professor Bruce had tried his best doing what he thought was the best for his students.

[bereft-of-frogs]

please say a lot about the Tony and Steve fight in Endgame, my petty heart demands it

My petty heart supplies (a bit late)

So my issues with the fight in Endgame basically break down into two parts: 1) the justifying of authoritarianism and 2) completely ignoring previous canon, including what happened in Infinity War, a film not only made by the same creative team but at the same time.

1) Justifying of authoritarianism

The scene is framed as if Tony is in the right. Tony is hurt, Tony has been wronged, Tony is right to push back against Steve and the others who failed to prevent Thanos’s final victory. They are all swayed in-scene by his argument and no one offers any rebuttal to lines like this one:

“And I believe I remember tell all you, alive and otherwise what we needed was a suit of armor around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not - that’s what we needed.”

Yikes. First of, yes, freedoms are precious. Just getting that out of the way.

Two, we saw Tony’s suit of armor around the world - Ultron, which took control and nearly destroyed the Earth. We saw another that he contributed to - the program in Winter Soldier controlled by HYDRA-infiltrated-SHIELD.

And even if those two things didn’t become instantly corrupted, they still would have been wrong. They still would have taken away people’s right to privacy, their free will, their ability to determine their own futures. (The surveillance program was intended to ‘eliminate threats before they happened’, completely discounting choice, and free will, and redemption.)

So yeah. Those freedoms are precious and Steve was right to challenge those structures being put in place. (Which was really his motivation in Civil War - yeah, sure, Bucky played a big part in his actions, but before Bucky became involved he was already anti-Sokovia Accords.)

2) Forgetting of canon, particularly the question of “What was Steve doing?”

This is the part that really pulled me out in-movie. Because it was so inconsistent I was just like ‘wait...what? Don’t y’all remember what happened in IW? I feel a little bit like I’m going crazy over here?’

Steve: “We’ve been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep Space scans, and satellites, and we got nothing. Tony, you fought him.”

Tony on Steve: “I said, ‘we’d lose’. You said, ‘We’ll do that together too.’ And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren’t there.”

Um. Steve also fought Thanos? Like...with his fists? And a whole army in Wakanda. He was literally right there for the losing bit. He watched half of his friends turn to ash. And no one calls Tony out on being wrong...ever. I can understand maybe in that exact moment, because he’s hurting and sick, that people aren’t going to really go at it with him, but at some point they have to address the fact that Tony was very wrong about where Steve was and what he was doing during the lead up to Thanos’s victory.

And the ‘where were you part?’ is also damning because they forgot CW/IW canon - that Tony had the means of contact Steve. And he didn’t. Steve reached out with the apology letter, and the phone, which is how Bruce ultimately contacts him.

And no one ever points out this inconsistency. The narrative frames Tony consistently as being in the right. We’re expected to accept that he is the wronged one in this scene, that Steve should be chastened. Which...he’s not. Setting aside your opinions on authoritarianism (which hopefully are...against authoritarianism), these points are just factually untrue. He was working...quite hard to combat Thanos and lost quite a bit.

Tony, by contrast, did not reach out to Steve when he could have, did not actively try to understand or combat Thanos (he says “Pfft! I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision.” but did nothing) aside from supporting programs that would have limited or entirely taken away fundamental human rights, and then...didn’t lose anything. Up until this point at least - obviously he makes the grand sacrifice play in the end, but up until then, he loses no significant friends or family members. Just Peter Parker, his teenage protege. Steve, on the other hand, worked to maintain human freedoms, when presented with the material reality of Thanos collaborated with Wakanda to put up a decent defense, fought up with his bare hands, and then watched as his closest childhood friend and his new friend and ally, the one who was there for him when no one else was, were turned to ash right in front of him.

Steve offers no self defense in this scene. His last spoken line (barring Tony’s name when he collapses) is just after the ‘whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not’ line: “Well, that didn’t work out, did it?” The transcript I used (courtesy of Fandom Wiki) says, “Steve looks affected by Tony’s words.” He offers no defense to the accusation that he is a liar, though textual evidence proves he is not.

The whole argument was baffling to me. It was a lot. It was probably the first significant hiccup I had while watching Endgame, this sense of ‘...well, that’s not right...’

The rest of the film continues to support Tony’s point of view. They go to his home, meekly, to ask for help, instead of defending their actions. Tony is made to seem like he’s extending them charity when he figures out time travel and the way to reverse the deaths of trillions of people across the galaxy.

There have been a lot of great responses to my earlier #EndgameNegativity post, but one that stood out to me pointed out that Tony Stark really became the central figure of the Infinity Saga. And I know they needed one, and it was going to be difficult to accommodate the needs of fans who were all coming from different individual franchises...but it does in the end feel really that they prioritized Tony at the expense of the others. Lifted Tony up by putting the others down. Steve’s a liar, Thor’s a drunk, lazy failure, Clint’s a murderer, Bruce is a celebrity for some reason, Nat gets thrown off a cliff and doesn’t even get a funeral or more than 30 seconds of on-screen mourning.

This is not just about screentime but the way they were treated as characters. Like my favorite twitter thread reworking Thor’s EG storyline concludes (I’m sort of paraphrasing), “Every character is someone’s favorite. If you can’t respect that, give the job to someone who can.” Tony Stark, as an individual character and on his own merit, was no better and no worse than Steve Rogers, or Thor, or Natasha, or any of the others. It is disappointing that the final chapter of this saga concluded with a film that elevated Tony Stark at the expense of all the others.

The argument scene I feel, really exemplifies the way that Tony’s perspective was centered, at the expense of narrative consistency, characterization, and moral perspectives.

Thank you.

[sunmoonandeddie]

little ballerina (9/16)

pairing: peter parker x reader

word count: 3,111

summary: After The Snap was reversed and the world went back to normal, Natasha Romanov had one request of her team: to infiltrate and destroy the Red Room.

chapter warnings: like minimal swearing.

masterlist

a/n: So I felt like I should bring this up, but the reader is written as poc, specifically latina. Of course, it can be read as any ethnicity, but as a mixed latina, I rarely find fics written about us. Also, I rarely find representation in ballet. When more of the reader's past comes out and when she goes out into the world, it'll become more obvious. Once again, it can be read as any ethnicity, but yeah. I just wanted to bring that up. As always, let me know what you think!

Your nightly phone calls with Peter continued, until it turned into FaceTime.  It got to the point where as soon as the clock struck eleven, the other Avengers knew that you'd be going to your room and wouldn't come out until the next morning.  It gave you more structure.  Your sleep schedule was getting better and better with each passing night.  Mostly because Peter would remind you to take two melatonin at midnight on the dot, but that's beside the point.

The point was that you were getting better.

You had your daily sessions in the lab, and then after you would go to the studio with Natasha and dance until F.R.I.D.A.Y. called the two of you for dinner.  Usually it was Thai or Chinese.  You, however, were craving some authentic Mexican food.  Specifically, tamales.  You hadn't had any since before you were taken by the Red Room, and it was a craving that you hadn't had since you were fourteen.  You had gotten too used to the meal replacement shakes and smoothies.  They had just enough in them to keep you nourished and healthy.  The only solid food you had was at dinner, and it was always baked chicken and vegetables on a small bed of rice.  No seasoning, no sauce, nothing.  It was horrible.

You wiped the sweat from your face as you and Natasha entered the living area, the other Avengers already grabbing food from where it sat in the kitchen area.  Seemed like tonight was Indian food.  Bucky was piling chicken karahi onto his plate.  Bumping your hip against his, you smiled as you grabbed a plate.  "Leave some from the rest of us."

The brunette smirked as he bumped you back, sending you stumbling to the right.  "You need a shower.  You smell."

"Hey!"  You frowned as you grabbed a spoon to put some of the vegetable chettinad on your plate.  "I didn't sweat that much."  You couldn't help but check as he walked away laughing, relieved to find that you didn't smell that bad.  It was just Bucky being an asshole.

You joining the Avengers during mealtimes was a recent development.  You had sometimes eaten lunch with them, even though most of them had the bad habit of forgetting to stop whatever they were doing to get food.  That just meant that you had taken it upon yourself to bring food to whoever was in the compound if they didn't come by the kitchen to get it themselves.  It was almost always leftovers from the night before, but no one really minded.  There were worse things to eat.

Climbing onto the couch beside Natasha, you tried to catch up with the conversation happening around you.

"—can't do that.  We need you, Bucky, Rhodey, and Nat to go in.  She can't run tech if she's on the ground," Tony said, in a somewhat heated discussion with Steve.

The blonde raised his eyebrows, having forgotten the food that he had set on the coffee table in front of him.  "What about you or Peter?  Or even Bruce?"

"Peter doesn't get back from MIT until tomorrow, and I'm running with Bruce, Thor, Vision, Sam, and Wanda to the UN.  If we're not there in the morning for the meeting, they're going to freak out and we'll have another Accords situation again.  They're already irritated that I'm not bringing everyone."

That seemed to bring everyone's moods down a few pegs as it grew deathly quiet.

"I can do it."

Everyone turned to look at you, and you shrunk back a little.  They all seemed shocked that you would want to help.

"I thought you didn't like us," Sam said, breaking the silence.  Amusement lit up his eyes as he looked at you and the way that Natasha seemed ready to pounce on anyone who made a negative comment.

Shrugging, you pushed your chettinad around on a plate that was too nice for the rambunctious group.  At least one piece of dishware was broken each day, whether by clumsiness or one of the super soldiers forgetting how strong they were as they tossed it into the sink to be washed later.  "I don't not like you."

"Well, I'll be damned," Tony chuckled as he shook his head.  Pepper was seated to his left, swiping on her tablet.  You knew she was listening, but being CEO of Stark Industries was a tough job that gave few breaks.  "Are you actually offering to help us?"

"Listen, if you don't want my help, you can just say it," you retorted, feeling yourself grow a little defensive.

"I think she should help."  Everyone's eyes then turned to Wanda, who was tucked into Vision's side.  Their dynamic was weird, but good.  You watched her warily, not exactly sure where she was going with this.  "We're almost done with breaking the Stockholm Syndrome bonds in her brain.  The Red Room doesn't have a hold on her brain anymore, and she's good with tech."  Wanda hesitated, trying to find the right words.  "She's clever and thinks well on her feet.  If she wants to offer her help, we would be stupid not to take it."

You stared at Wanda for a long time, only half-listening as Tony agreed and began to make plans.  You weren't sure what her angle was.  After all, the two of you did not get along, to say the least.  Every interaction you two had was polite words through clenched teeth and narrowed eyes.  For her to say such nice things about you...  Well.  She had to have some kind of angle.

"—sure to set your alarm early."  You turned your focus back on Tony, who had a smirk as he said, "That means no FaceTiming with Peter until three in the morning, you hear?"

Your cheeks went ablaze as you looked down at your food.  The other Avengers were chuckling into their own food, trying to hide their amusement.  "We don't...  We don't FaceTime until three in the morning," you muttered, clearly embarrassed.  But you weren't sure why.  It was just Peter, after all.

"Right," Bucky said, pretending as though he was going to come to your defense.  "They FaceTime until eight, when Peter has to wake up for class."  He sent you a wink from across the circle, causing you to roll your eyes.

You were trying to find the right words to respond, that wouldn't make the situation worse, when Vision said, "I think it's sweet that they stay on FaceTime even when they fall asleep.  It reminds me of Wanda and I during the Infinity War."  Wanda seemed to get just as embarrassed as you as she turned to look up at Vis, whispering into his ear.  Sometimes it was hard to remember that Vision was technically an A.I., even though he could morph himself to look completely human, just like now.  He was as human as human could be, in your mind.  He thought for himself and had feelings just like everyone else in the room.  The way he looked at Wanda was proof enough of that.

The only issue is that Vision's words hadn't helped your situation any.  They was more muffled laughter and teasing from Tony and Bucky, with Nat giggling beside you.  You don't think you'd ever heard her giggle, but it was nice.  She had become a huge maternal figure to you in the past week.  "Stop it," you ordered, pointing your fork at Tony and Bucky.  You had tried to have a stern look but you could tell it wasn't really working.  "Peter and I are just friends."

"Yeah, because all friends sleep in the same bed every night and Facetime when they can't be together," Bruce chimed in from the other side of Natasha.  He was usually pretty quiet during meal times, only throwing in a few jokes here and there.

"And Peter definitely calls all of his friends 'angel,'" Tony said, sending a round of laughter through the group.

You were sure that you were red as a tomato as you rubbed your hands on your leggings.  Even though you had cooled down from your workout with Nat, you found that you were starting to sweat again and your hands were getting clammy.  "How do you know about that?"

"So it's true?!" Sam exclaimed, grinning from ear-to-ear.

You didn't respond, choosing instead to stuff your mouth with a fork full of rice and vegetables.

Tony smirked as he wrapped an arm around Pepper.  "You're not the only one who FaceTimes with Peter, Y/N.  He may or may not have referred to you as angel.  It actually took a few times before I realized it was you he was talking about and not some girl he had met at MIT."

You felt yourself bristling at just the thought of him meeting some other girl, which just sent another wave of confusion through you.  Why did it bother you so much?  It was just Peter.  He deserved to be happy.  If he found a girl (or boy, you didn't judge) that made him happy, then you would be happy for him.  Maybe.

Wanting to get the attention off of you, you waved your hand nonchalantly towards Natasha and Bruce, who were sitting very close together.  "So you're making something out of nothing with Peter and I, but we're not going to talk about whatever's going on with those two?"

There were hoots and hollers as a blush crept up Bruce's neck, Natasha just looking at you in surprise.  "Thanks, Y/N, way to throw me under the bus," she muttered so only you could hear.

You shrugged, mouthing a 'sorry' before sitting back as everyone began to rail into the two.  You knew that if Clint were here, he'd be making smart ass comments, too, but he had gone home to his farm for the last two weeks.  He wasn't supposed to come back for another two weeks and he was bringing his wife and kids with him when he did.

A few minutes later, you stood and brought your plate to the sink.  You didn't even notice that Wanda had followed you until she slid in her plate next to yours.  Looking up at her, you crossed your arms over your chest.  "Uh...  Thank you.  For what you said earlier," you said quietly, glancing from the ground up to her face and back again.

"It was nothing," she insisted, rinsing off both her plate and yours.  "What I said was true.  You're smart."  There was quiet for a few moments as the older girl put the two plates into the dishwasher.  "I'm sorry that we got off on the wrong foot.  I'm very... protective of the others, and you weren't exactly friendly when you first arrived."  She looked up at you, her eyes softer than you had seen them before.  "Nat is one of my best friends.  We were the only two girls, besides Pepper, when you showed up.  It kind of forces you together."

You couldn't help but grin as you looked back towards the others.  True to her word, Natasha and Pepper were the only two women sitting among the men.  "You've gotta stick together to survive the sea of testosterone."  The girl beside you snorted, looking out towards the group, too.  You glanced up towards her, leaning back against the counter.  "I'm sorry for slapping you, by the way.  And... you know, being the way I was."

"That wasn't your fault," she said.  "I was the same way when the Avengers first found my brother and I.  HYDRA made my brother and I into weapons of mass destruction.  We actually hated Tony Stark with a passion before realizing that him and the rest of the Avengers were only trying to do their best.  They didn't mean to hurt people, they just meant to save as many people as possible."

You were a little surprised to find that her backstory was pretty similar to yours.  "Your brother?  What happened to him?"

Wanda swallowed, biting her lip.  You could see the pain overcoming her face.  "He died in Sokovia protecting Clint, who was protecting a kid."

"You miss him?"  You knew it was a dumb question to ask, but as someone who had also lost their family, you knew that it was an experience that linked the two of you together.

She nodded, a sad smile on her face.  "Every day."

"I miss my mama," you murmured, eyes watching Natasha as she laughed with the others.  "I have Nat now, of course, but it's not the same."

Wanda turned to you, her eyes filled with compassion.  "This new family doesn't mean you forget the old one.  But your mother would want you to be happy."

With that, she walked away and you felt a little bittersweet as you watched her tuck herself back into Vision's side.  You hadn't realized how much she had been through, but it made sense.  The Avengers had a talent for finding broken people and taking them in.  Your new family, as Wanda called it, was a collection of hurt people.

You were all broken people learning how to be whole again together.  You could see it in the way that Steve constantly checked that Bucky was beside him, that finding him again wasn't a dream, or in the way that Tony would squeeze Pepper's hand in his.  Each of you had made this little group into their family.  You couldn't imagine how bad it had been when the Civil War happened, let alone the Infinity War.  Peter had explained in detail what had gone on.  You had had little information since The Red Room barely gave you any.  All you knew was that one day, a bunch of the girls in the Red Room had disappeared in to no where, and then one day they just reappeared, talking about some place called Soul World.

It had been terrifying, to say the least.

As you joined the group once again, you realized you were unsure about telling Peter about you going on a mission in the morning.  You were only going to be in the quinjet running tech, of course, but it was still a mission.  There was still a chance you'd get hurt if some one found you.

You were periodically checking your phone as the group sat around, laughing and joking with each other.  They had transitioned from dinner to drinking.  When you had tried to grab something, though, Nat had swatted your hand away.  "You still have another year and a half," she ordered, causing you to purse your lips and cross your arms over your chest.  They were getting more and more relaxed and goofy as they drank more and more.  Even Steve and Bucky were finishing off the Asgardian Mead that Thor had brought with him.  He was bringing more in the morning when he arrived, so they weren't exactly worried about running out.

As soon as the clock hit eleven, you slid off the couch and tried to get to the elevator without the others noticing.  It was to no avail, though, since Sam caught sight of you and let out a long whistle, causing the others to turn and look.  You ignored their obnoxious cat calls and whistling as you stepped into the elevator, flipping the bird at them as the door closed.

You took a quick shower, your heart racing as the phone rang just as you were stepping out.  11:15 PM, on the dot.  A picture you had screenshotted of Peter before he left was on the screen, drool dripping down his face as he slept.  You had woken up before him one morning to find him still asleep on FaceTime.  You just couldn't resist and had quickly made it his contact picture.

Diving onto the bed, you answered the call and felt yourself relax as his familiar smile filled up the screen.

"Hey, Y/N, how was your day?" He asked, turning to swat away a pillow that his roommate, Ned, was throwing at him.  You had spoken to Ned in passing over FaceTime, though it was usually only for a minute or two before Peter kicked him out of his room.  Even though they both had their own rooms in the small apartment that Tony rented for them, they spent most of their time together when they weren't in class.

"Hi, Peter," you giggled, watching as Ned began to try to grab the phone, shouting your name.  "Hi, Ned, how are you?"

There was more shouting and you laughed as Ned finally got a hold of the phone and locked himself in the bathroom, Peter banging on the door in the background.  "I'm good, just wondering when I'm going to get to meet you."

"Oh, really?"

There was more shouting as Ned nonchalantly shrugged.  "Yeah, I keep trying to get Peter to bring me to the compound, but he said Mr. Stark won't like it, even though I'm his Guy in the Chair."

"His Guy in the Chair?"  Your head cocked to the side in confusion as you tried to understand.  There was a lot of pop culture references you still didn't get, but you were getting better at it with each day.  This seemed to be another one of those things.

Ned's eyes went wide as he realized what kind of a treasure he had stumbled upon.  Someone with little knowledge of pop culture that he could teach himself.  It was amazing.  "The Guy in the Chair is the guy in all the superhero movies that does the tech.  He sits behind the computer and helps the hero.  It's what I do when Peter goes on solo missions that aren't given to him by the UN or Mr. Stark."

"Wait."  Your eyes narrowed as you realized what he was implying.  "Are you telling me that Peter goes on missions alone?!"

Ned must've realized how upset you were, because he quickly shouted, "Peter, she wants to talk to you!"  He opened up the door, shoving the phone into said boy's hand before shutting himself into his room.

"What was that about?" Peter asked, a little out of breath and confused.

"Peter Benjamin Parker, are you going on missions alone?" You demanded, and watched as his eyes went wide.  "Because that better not actually be what I'm hearing."

He rubbed the back of his neck as he went to his room and shut the door with a soft click.  You could see how much of a mess was behind him, but you ignored that for now as you focused on the most pressing issue.  "Uh...  Maybe?"

"PETER!"

[bigskydreaming]

Do you shipp bats and superman? Or bruce and selina or you don't ship bruce with anyone?

Tbh, I don’t have strong preferences on the matter of Bruce’s ships. Its not a matter of disliking them usually, so much as just not being super hardcore one way or another lol.

I would say probably my go-to is Bruce/Selina, just because I love Selina and there’s that opposites attract element to them that can be hard to make work, but when it works, ugh, it just WORKS, y’know?

I do ship Bruce and Clark for similar reasons, though this is actually more of a recent thing, honestly.....back before I first left DC fandom the first time around, probably around 2012-2013, I definitely would not have called myself a Superbat shipper at all, but that didn’t really have anything to do with not seeing their potential or not liking the characters together. It was more just a byproduct of like.....back then, I didn’t really like how Bruce and Clark tended to be written together? 

Like, a lot of that was probably due to the tendency there sometimes is with slash ships to not really write just two male characters from some show or comic and put them in a relationship together, but rather to just kinda take two characters and write them in such a way that they feel like this kinda generic cookie cutter relationship that has more to do with going down a checklist of characteristics/specific moments/themes/etc than it does with who those characters are and what they’re like normally.

But for whatever reason, since I started getting back into DC fandom stuff last year, I’ve found a lot more Superbat fics that are a lot more to my liking, or that just FEEL more like Bruce and Clark in a relationship rather than coming across as two characters who have little in common with them and just happen to share the same names. I honestly have no idea what’s changed in the time since I was last in fandom til rejoining it, at least in regards to this specific ship and how its written, or just as equally likely, something changed about my perspective between then and now that made me read it differently or be more open to it than I was in the past. *Shrugs* Who knows. So again, its like Bruce/Selina, I’m not opposed to it at all, have enjoyed several, but I just don’t tend to ship Bruce the same way or to the degree I have ships I’m more invested in, for most of his kids.

My one big caveat with Bruce and Clark is that like, its GOT to be respectful of Lois, she still should have a presence in Clark’s life and not have been just...erased or overlooked or killed off or just sacrificed on the altar of Superbat to make room for them to get together, y’know? Like I don’t have a particular preference here, like, they could have previously discovered they just prefer being platonic soulmates and just have a super strong friendship that’s not threatened or replaced or lessened by what Clark comes to have with Bruce later, they could have previously been married and are amicably divorced now for whatever reason and still successfully co-parent Jon now, who splits his time between living with his Dad and Bruce and step-siblings at Wayne Manor, and then the rest of his time with his mom and her new girlfriend or wife Diana, perhaps...whatever. Not picky on the particulars, I just need Lois to still be important to Clark rather than treated as though an obstacle in the way of Superbat’s true love.

As far as other ships go......I never got on board with Bruce/Diana even though they do at times have great chemistry.....I’ve just never seen that really successfully resulting in an actual relationship....unless Clark is involved as kinda a...not buffer, exactly, so much as a third complemetary piece needed to complete the picture. Same thing with Clark and Diana too, though, their brief New 52 relationship not working for me for the same reasons. The full Trinity together in every sense of the word? I can dig it. Just two of them though....Clark and Bruce is the only pairing out of the three of them that actually fits on its own, IMO, because something about Clark and Diana has always just felt a little too....forced, or artificial to me for some reason, like.....people always try too hard to emphasize how good a pairing they make on paper, that it just never FEELS natural or organic in execution, and I’ve never really felt any interest in trying to execute a version of it myself to have any idea how my own attempt would fare. *Shrugs* 

And then Bruce and Diana on their own, like.....I think Diana respects the hell out of Bruce and will always have a soft spot for him, but her bullshit tolerance does come with a ceiling, and I think for Diana, Bruce is one of those people where she does better with him in small doses, lol. Too much exposure to Bruce, too constantly, and for too longterm.....I think she would end up being like “this relationship is starting to feel too much like a Greek tragedy, and not even one of the good ones, I gotta go, bye” lololol okay so it wouldn’t really be like that. I just mean.....Bruce thrives off of structure and rigid discipline in a way that Diana would find stifling, I believe? 

Don’t get me wrong, Diana is incredibly disciplined herself and capable of holding herself firm and steady in anything with a kind of discipline few others could ever dream of, but its not her PREFERENCE, I don’t think. She’d rather default to a freer approach to and through life, whereas Bruce can do that at times to accommodate loved ones needing or wanting that from him too, but at the end of the day, I think he’s always going to rather scheduling in some time set aside for the both of them, as something to look forward to....rather than just letting it come when it comes and then when it does, obsessing over whether he’s neglecting something else as a result. 

So again...Bruce and Clark I think work, but Bruce and Diana or Clark and Diana - require all three working in harmony to be what all three of them actually need and want from that triad.

And then Bruce and Talia I’ve talked about a couple times before in depth, and I have hugely complicated thoughts on them due to the sheer bullshit writers have subjected Talia to over the years. I try to ignore Morrison’s take on Damian’s conception as much as possible, like, I never go with that angle or that particular taint on their relationship unless for whatever reason its absolutely relevant to the plot - and I’ve never come up with a plot where it is, nor do I think I’m likely to. And this is for a couple of reasons - the first is that while I’m always saying that any writer could make a case for any character doing anything, conceivably, Damian’s conception as written by Morrison just...destroys so much of the amazingly complex and multi-faceted character Talia often was before he wrote that, and recasts every aspect of her and Bruce’s previous love story as just...a painful, not funny joke. Its not remotely something I ever want to read into those two, even if I’ve never shipped them as endgame myself. 

But at the same time, because it did so unequivocally happen in canon, I can never really blame others for accepting it as the reality of their relationship by this point, for whatever reason.....I mean, there’s the simple fact that something like that is so hugely personal to read about and see yourself in as a survivor, for instance, for any survivors who read Morrison’s story and afterward had trouble separating that view of Talia from previous stories of her....like to me, no matter how much I think Morrison is bullshit for writing that story, especially since its hardly like he had any interest in writing or acknowledging Bruce as a survivor in its aftermath.....I fully believe Morrison was like “how can I make Bruce a biological father who owes nothing to the mother and has no obligation to share the child with her or fight over custody or anything like that.” 

Which is a shitty reason to do that particular kind of story. And why I don’t blame anyone for disregarding it, as I try to whenever possible, but neither do I blame anyone for finding their relationship kinda ruined in the wake of it, just because sometimes its physically/emotionally just hard to see PAST that kind of thing, even when you know the reasons for it existing at all are threadbare in the first place. 

(Its like how I do write and focus on Bruce’s abusive behavior with some of his kids in the past, not because I necessarily LIKE to, so much as it just being such a personal topic to me that from the second it was written into his character and dynamics, whether written WELL or PLAUSIBLY or not, it just became impossible for me to pretend it just never happened or I never read any of those stories, so I have to find some way to tackle it in my stories and takes. But because I do think that the reasons for writing Bruce act that way in the first place were always poorly thought through, and it is a disservice to a lot of the reasons others love the character, I don’t blame them for disliking it and disregarding it themselves, so long as they don’t shit on me or my reasons for not doing the same).

So yeah, I don’t tend to write that particular element into Bruce and Talia’s story ever, for all those above reasons and also one other specific one: it doesn’t just make Talia a rapist and Bruce a survivor, it makes Damian the child of rape. And he’s just had so much shit to deal with in his life with everything else alone, I never am comfortable heaping that onto him as well, because sooner or later it WOULD eventually become something he had to deal with, and no easy thing to deal with, so I’m just like....what if he didn’t have that particular issue to deal with ever.

NOW, all that said....Bruce and Talia still even without that have never really been an endgame ship for me, but rather something that’s kinda always been doomed to be a tragic romance, like they’re each other’s one that forever got away. And that’s because for me, unlike Bruce and Selina being opposite in just the right ways, Bruce and Talia are alike in the wrong ways. Its part of WHY they have the connection they do, and such a deep one....they GET each other, in ways I don’t think anyone else has ever truly understood them. They might not subscribe to the same beliefs, even have the same morals, they might not be willing to use the same methods, their ultimate goals aren’t necessarily the same....but their PASSION for their goals, their beliefs, their commitment to doing whatever each believes they have to do in order to see their goals fulfilled, to see that they never stray from what they believe is their duty, their reasons for existing....THAT is something I think they’ve both always understood about each other, that they have in common. Both believe too strongly in what THEY believe and value as most important, to be truly willing to give that up and follow the other to their goal or along their path instead.....and they get that, so they never truly ask that of each other, or at least aren’t surprised nor hold it against the other when they turn them down. I think they do love each other, and on some level always will.....and it might not even be that they don’t WANT to give everything else up to be with them.....its just, I don’t think either truly knows how to do that and still be them, like they know that even were they to make that choice, it would cost them too much of what makes them THEM, to ever truly do it.

And aside from that, even in an AU setting where Talia didn’t raise Damian in the League, where he wasn’t forced to grow up fighting the way he did, and say she spirited him away and into hiding at birth to hide him from Ra’s, but still never sought Bruce out til Damian was ten or so, even if only because Bruce is too easy for Ra’s to find or keep an eye on....basically, I just mean even in an AU where Talia was a great mom to Damian from Day One til the day Bruce met Damian, and she only kept him from Bruce for ten years or whatever for Damian’s safety....I think that would still destroy any chance of Bruce and Talia ever being together after that, just because in that kind of scenario, Bruce might absolutely understand why she did what she did, even agree with it....and still not be able to get PAST it, not to the degree of....trusting her with his heart again, even if they were perfectly able to coexist well for Damian’s sake. Bruce missed out on the first parts of all his other childrens’ lives because they were someone else’s first. The fact that Damian is the one and only kid of his that theoretically, there was nothing keeping Bruce from being a part of that from day one....like this is the one and only way I will ever accept Bruce having a distinct view of Damian as being different from his other kids in his eyes....its not about him being Bruce’s biological son, its about him being Bruce’s son that he never had to be second to come into his life, that there was nothing stopping him from being there from the start....the fact that Talia, for any reason, did keep him from that, even were it with the best intentions, IMO....that would be something that might not even be Bruce’s to ‘forgive’ per se, like that’s not even the right word to describe certain scenarios that might result in that.....but it would still just irrevocably change something between them I don’t think they could ever get back.

So except for AUs where Talia brought Damian to Bruce right after he was born and stayed with him to raise Damian together, I don’t see them ever working out longterm.....and I don’t really see Talia ever giving up her own beliefs as to how to live her life, shape the world, wield her influence....just to live in Bristol with Bruce and raise Damian with him, even as there is nothing really in that case keeping Bruce from still at the same time continuing to be Batman and do all of that the way HE prioritizes. But again, by the same token.....I also don’t see the inverse ever happening, where Talia finds a way to go where she needs to and do what she believes needs doing, with Damian in tow....and Bruce willing to give up being Batman to just come along for the ride and to help raise Damian. So yeah, ultimately, for me those two are the ultimate tragic romance of Bruce’s core ships, where love has nothing to do with whether or not they work out....just rather who and what they are getting in the way of what they are too each other.

[kellyannecontent]

Dear Jimmy, Your family asked me to speak at your service, and I am so honored and touched. I’m also really scared, and I say that because you of all people will understand this. I’d like to run away and call in four days from now from the beauty parlor. I want to do a good job, because I love you, and because you always did a good job. I think the deal is I’m supposed to speak about the actor/artist’s work part of your life. Others will have spoken beautifully and magnificently about the other beautiful and magnificent parts of you: father, brother, friend. I guess what I was told is I’m also supposed to speak for your castmates whom you loved, for your crew that you loved so much, for the people at HBO, and Journey. I hope I can speak for all of them today and for you. I asked around, and experts told me to start with a joke and a funny anecdote. “Ha ha ha.” But as you yourself so often said, I’m not feelin’ it. I’m too sad and full of despair. I’m writing to you partly because I would like to have had your advice. Because I remember how you did speeches. I saw you do a lot of them at awards shows and stuff, and invariably you would scratch two or three thoughts on a sheet of paper and put it in your pocket, and then not really refer to it. And consequently, a lot of your speeches didn’t make sense. I think that could happen in here, except in your case, it didn’t matter that it didn’t make sense, because the feeling was real. The feeling was real. The feeling was real. I can’t say that enough. I tried to write a traditional eulogy, but it came out like bad TV. So I’m writing you this letter, and now I’m reading that letter in front of you. But it is being done to and for an audience, so I’ll give the funny opening a try. I hope that it’s funny; it is to me and it is to you. And that is, one day toward the end of the show — maybe season 4 or season 5 — we were on the set shooting a scene with Stevie Van Zandt, and I think the set-up was that Tony had received news of the death of someone, and it was inconvenient for him. And it said, “Tony opens the refrigerator door, closes it and he starts to speak.” And the cameras rolled, and you opened the refrigerator door, and you slammed it really hard — you slammed it hard enough that it came open again. And so then you slammed it again, then it came open again. You kept slamming it and slamming it and slamming it and slamming it and went apeshit on that refrigerator. And the funny part for me is I remember Steven Van Zandt — because the cameras are going, we have to play this whole scene with a refrigerator door opening — I remember Steven Van Zandt standing there with his lip out, trying to figure out, “Well, what should I do? First, as Silvio, because he just ruined my refrigerator. And also as Steven the actor, because we’re now going to play a scene with the refrigerator door open; people don’t do that.” And I remember him going over there and trying to tinker with the door and fix it, and it didn’t work. And so we finally had to call cut, and we had to fix the refrigerator door, and it never really worked, because the gaffer tape showed on the refrigerator, and it was a problem all day long. And I remember you saying, “Ah, this role, this role, the places it takes me to, the things I have to do, it’s so dark.” And I remember telling you, “Did I tell you to destroy the refrigerator? Did it say anywhere in the script, ‘Tony destroys a refrigerator’? It says ‘Tony angrily shuts the refrigerator door.’ That’s what it says. You destroyed the fridge.” Another memory of you that comes to mind is from very early on — might have been the pilot, I don’t know. We were shooting in that really hot and humid summer New Jersey heat. And I looked over, and you were sitting in an aluminum beach chair, with your slacks rolled up to your knees, in black socks and black shoes, and a wet handkerchief on your head. And I remember looking over there and going, “Well, that’s really not a cool look.” But I was filled with love, and I knew then that I was in the right place. I said, “Wow, I haven’t seen that done since my father used to do it, and my Italian uncles use to do it, and my Italian grandfather used to do it.” And they were laborers in the same hot sun in New Jersey. They were stone masons, and your father worked with concrete. I don’t know what it is with Italians and cement. And I was so proud of our heritage — it made me so proud of our heritage to see you do that. When I said before that you were my brother, this has a lot to do with that: Italian-American, Italian worker, builder, that Jersey thing — whatever that means — the same social class. I really feel that, though I’m older than you, and always felt, that we are brothers. And it was really based on that day. I was filled with so much love for everything we were doing and about to embark on. I also feel you’re my brother in that we have different tastes, but there are things we both love, which was family, work, people in all their imperfection, food, alcohol, talking, rage, and a desire to bring the whole structure crashing down. We amused each other. The image of my uncles and father reminded me of something that happened between us one time. Because these guys were such men — your father and these men from Italy. And you were going through a crisis of faith about yourself and acting, a lot of things, were very upset. I went to meet you on the banks of the Hudson River, and you told me, you said, “You know what I want to be? I want to be a man. That’s all. I want to be a man.” Now, this is so odd, because you are such a man. You’re a man in many ways many males, including myself, wish they could be a man. The paradox about you as a man is that I always felt personally, that with you, I was seeing a young boy. A boy about Michael’s age right now. ‘Cause you were very boyish. And about the age when humankind, and life on the planet are really opening up and putting on a show, really revealing themselves in all their beautiful and horrible glory. And I saw you as a boy — as a sad boy, amazed and confused and loving and amazed by all that. And that was all in your eyes. And that was why, I think, you were a great actor: because of that boy who was inside. He was a child reacting. Of course you were intelligent, but it was a child reacting, and your reactions were often childish. And by that, I mean they were pre-school, they were pre-manners, they were pre-intellect. They were just simple emotions, straight and pure. And I think your talent is that you can take in the immensity of humankind and the universe, and shine it out to the rest of us like a huge bright light. And I believe that only a pure soul, like a child, can do that really well. And that was you. Now to talk about a third guy between us, there was you and me and this third guy. People always say, “Tony Soprano. Why did we love him so much when he was such a prick?” And my theory was, they saw the little boy. They felt and they loved the little boy, and they sensed his love and hurt. And you brought all of that to it. You were a good boy. Your work with the Wounded Warriors was just one example of this. And I’m going to say something because I know that you’d want me to say it in public: that no one should forget Tony Sirico’s efforts with you in this. He was there with you all the way, and in fact you said to me just recently, “It’s more Tony than me.” And I know you, and I know you would want me to turn the spotlight on him, or you wouldn’t be satisfied. So I’ve done that. So Tony Soprano never changed, people say. He got darker. I don’t know how they can misunderstand that. He tried and he tried and he tried. And you tried and you tried, more than most of us, and harder than most of us, and sometimes you tried too hard. That refrigerator is one example. Sometimes, your efforts were at cost to you and others, but you tried. And I’m thinking about the fact of how nice you were to strangers on the street, fans, photographers. You would be patient, loving and personal, and then finally you would just do too much, and then you would snap. And that’s of course what everybody read about, was the snapping. I was asked to talk about the work part, and so I’ll talk about the show we used to do and how we used to do it. You know, everybody knows that we always ended an episode with a song. That was kind of like me and the writers letting the real geniuses do the heavy lifting: Bruce, and Mick and Keith, and Howling Wolf and a bunch of them. So if this was an episode, it would end with a song. And the song, as far as I’m concerned, would be Joan Osborne’s “(What If God Was) One Of Us?” And the set-up for this — we never did this, and you never even heard this — is that Tony was somehow lost in the Meadowlands. He didn’t have his car, and his wallet, and his car keys. I forget how he got there — there was some kind of a scrape — but he had nothing in his pocket but some change. He didn’t have his guys with him, he didn’t have his gun. And so mob boss Tony Soprano had to be one of the working stiffs, getting in line for the bus. And the way we were going to film it, he was going to get on the bus, and the lyric that would’ve one over that would’ve been — and we don’t have Joan Osborne to sing it: If God had a face what would it look like? And would you want to see if seeing meant you had to believe? And yeah, yeah, God is great. Yeah, yeah, God is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Tony would get on the bus, and he would sit there, and the bus would pull out in this big billow of diesel smoke. And then the key lyric would come on, and it was What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us? Just a stranger on the bus trying to make his way home. And that would’ve been playing over your face, Jimmy. But then — and this is where it gets kind of strange — now I would have to update, because of the events of the last week. And I would let the song play further, and the lyrics would be Just trying to make his way home Like a holy rollin’ stone Back up to Heaven all alone Nobody callin’ on the phone ‘Cept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome. Love, David

David Chase in an open letter eulogizing James Gandolfini 

[dolce-peach]

gaea [part 4]

pairing: steve rogers x reader, bestfriend!tony stark x reader, avengers x reader

summary: you’re the “youngest genius in a century,” working with helen cho to quicken the body’s healing rate with the four classical elements: earth, air, water, and fire.  when hydra kidnaps you and uses your knowledge against you, what will you do to not only save your own life, but everyone else’s?

warnings: angst and friend-zoning (?)

a/n: hope you guys like it!  gonna ramp up soon!

** lmk if you’d like to be added to a tag list for future updates :) **

masterlist

----

You felt slightly uncomfortable as Bruce and Tony hooked you up to numerous machines.  It only reminded you of the hell you lived in the past few months.  To make matters worse, Bruce wasn’t the talkative type, so you were engulfed in silence.  You closed your eyes, trying to focus on your breathing as you felt your heart rate spike.  

“You alright, Y/N?” Tony asked.  “We can stop if you don’t want to --”

“No, it’s okay,” you said quickly, regaining your composure.  “Really, I’m fine.”

He gave you a second glance before going back to focusing on the monitor Bruce held.  

The scientist inhaled sharply, his eyes concerned.  “Interesting…”

“What?” Tony asked anxiously.

Bruce adjusted his glasses.  “Y/N’s molecular structure is compromised,” he explained.  “I’m not sure what Hydra did exactly, but if anyone was exposed to that much radiation, the result would be catastrophic.”

You frown deeply.  “Am I dying?”

“On the contrary.  Your cells are strongly reinforced and adaptable,” Bruce replied.  “You seem to have an affinity with the four classical elements, the same elements you were studying with Dr. Cho.”

Your head started to spin.  “Affinity…?”

“I’m guessing you can control them,” Bruce concluded.

“No…no, this can’t be happening…” you mutter.  You covered your mouth, trying to contain your shock.  

Tony reached to take your hand.  “Hey…”

“Don’t touch me!” you hissed, recoiling.  Your eyes were glowing a brilliant blue, causing Tony and Bruce to shift uneasily.  When you realized what you did, your body was trembling.  Your eyes slowly faded back to their normal shade.  “Sorry.  It’s just…I was hoping it wouldn’t turn out like this.”

“It’s okay,” Tony said softly.  “The important thing is that you’re alive.”

You look at him with teary eyes.  “At what cost?”

Receiving no response from him, you looked down at your hands, folded neatly in your lap.  You knew Tony was right, but at this point in your life, you also knew you had nothing to live for.  You were raised by scientists in a lab that was considered the furthest thing from home, but you couldn’t be picky because your parents had died in an accident.  Back then, you were grateful to be given a second chance, but being kidnapped by Hydra made it feel like you had your chance snatched from you.

Everything that you worked so hard to create had been destroyed.

“You can’t put a price on that,” Tony said.  He touched the rim of his arc reactor glowing through his t-shirt.  “Whatever happens to us, it happens for a reason.  Just think of it as a…terrible privilege.”

You sniffed, hastily wiping your tears as they fell.  

He chuckled as he wiped your tears with his calloused thumb.  “Sorry, I was never good at the whole ‘comforting someone in need’ thing.”

You shook your head and broke a smile.  “Thanks, Tony.”

He nodded.  “You’re welcome, Y/N.”

Bruce cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable.  “So, I can try to work with taming the whole process, but it’ll be painful, and there aren't any guarantees that it’ll totally work.”

You look at Tony and felt comfort through his gaze.  “No, it’s okay,” you said.  “I’ll live with it.  My terrible privilege.”

Tony smiled.

--

You sat by yourself in the training room, surrounded by silence.  Ever since you got back to the tower, everything seemed different.  Everyone treated you differently, like you were glass about to shatter.  It was nice to finally get away from it all and to try and piece your mind together again.

A glass of ice water sat in front of you.  You closed your eyes, trying to quiet your mind.  You envisioned the glass in your head, each perspired bead of water dripping down the sides of the glass, the ice slightly shattered.  It would feel cold against your fingertips, but not too cold.

You found yourself reaching your hand out.  You sensed the small body of water in front of you.  When your eyes opened, they shone blue once more.

The water lifted as a single body.  You contain your awe by trying to drive the water into different shapes.  Drops fell every now and then.

When the single ball of water lay in your hands, you felt your palms begin to heat up, flames flickering once in a while.  The water slowly evaporated until a single flame remained.  

You took a deep breath and blew the cloud of vapor into a nearby plant.  Tiny droplets of water clung to the surface of the leaves before dripping down to the soil, where new plants began to sprout.

You leaned back, exhausted, as you tried to wrap your mind around what just happened.  Suddenly your situation didn’t feel as bad as it did initially, now that you had some control.  You leaned your head back and closed your eyes.  There was an inevitable thought of doubt circling her like a predator.

What if I’m not good enough?

“That was amazing.”

You turned around to see Steve leaning against the door, his arms crossed as usual.  Feeling a blush coming on, you turn back around, trying to calm your racing heartbeat.

“Tony told me about your tests,” he said.  “Is it true?”

“Is what true?” you asked quietly.

“You being able to control the elements,” he said.

You bit your lip.  “I don’t know,” you answered.  “Maybe.  I’m not too sure what to make of all this right now.”

“Fair enough,” he said, making his way over to sit next to you.  He sat down with a sigh.  “I’m sure there’s a lot going through your head right now.”

You laughed lightly.  “No kidding.”

His expression brightened.  “There’s that smile I know.”

You looked away, suddenly feeling self conscious.  You knew Steve wasn’t being critical and would never judge you, but this was Captain America you were talking to.  

“You know you don’t have to do that,” he said, his voice low.  “You don’t have to shut me out.”

You sighed.  “The more people I try to let into my life, the more they end up suffering because of it,” you said.  “Ever since my parents died, everyone came and went without consequence.  I just want to keep it that way.”

“But we’re your friends, right?  Your family?” he tried.

Silence consumed the conversation.  You had to admit part of you was crushed.  But that’s all you will ever be, especially now that you were a manufactured monster by Hydra.  You could never hope for anything more, especially something worth more than friendship.

You put on your best smile.

“Yeah.  You’re my family.”

part 5

[avengerscompound]

At a Cellular Level - Part 3

At a Cellular Level: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Steve Rogers x OFC (Alex Swann)

Word Count:  4598

Warnings:  Angst, mentions of torture, violence, major character death, virgin reader, smut (M|F oral sex, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, loss of virginity (Steve and Readers))

Synopsis:  Steve no longer trusts Alex, and Alex continues to hold back the truth from him. When she finally comes clean they think of a way she can start using her powers for good.

Part Three

Alex sat in the sun outside the small, wood cabin she and Steve had made their home for the past two months.  Steve had gone for a run as was his usual ritual.  He always invited her, but she hated running and she couldn’t keep up with him anyway, so she didn’t bother.  

They had been hurt.  Mostly by other people.  The events surrounding the Sokovia Accords had destroyed Steve.  He was not the same person she had known when they’d met all those years ago when he’d rescued her from SHIELD.  Back then he had thought he’d lost everything.  He had since learned he had no idea back then what losing everything actually felt like.  He had now lost his friends, his freedom, the people he loved, his connection to the past, his home.  All he had now was Alex, and he still didn’t trust Alex.  Not since she’d run off on him breaking his heart.

Alex had lost a lot of things too.  She had lost her childhood.  Her chance of normalcy. Her stepfather had used her as a scientific guinea pig and made her a weapon.  He had then tortured her and made her a monster.  When she left Steve, she had gone to wreak vengeance on all those who had done her wrong and only come out more damaged than before.  She had so much blood on her hands there was no way she could ever get clean. She had returned to Steve to make things right.  She loved him.  He loved her too, but the trust, that might never return.

So she practiced using her abilities.  She would create life, restore it, fix others who were broken.  She held a flower in her hand and watched a butterfly land on a nearby blade of grass.  She studied it, looking at the differences in its cells, what made it a butterfly and not a bee, or the blade of grass it sat on.  She looked down at the flower and compared them, and her powers engaged.  She cupped the flower in her hands and focused on changing it, rearranging it’s DNA.   Sparks flew from her eyes as she burned energy rewriting the genetic structure of the plant that was already dying in her hand.  When she stopped she opened her hands, and a butterfly identical to the one she’d just been studying flapped it’s wings and flew off.

She collapsed back into the grass staring into the sky.  She felt a little dizzy. Changing a plant into something with a complex nervous system required a lot of energy.  She closed her eyes, just considering taking a nap in the morning sun when she heard the sound of tires on the gravel out the front.

Alex got to her feet, her powers engaged, ready for a fight, and ran to the front of the house.  There was a black car out the front.  A Tesla, which explained why she hadn’t heard it before.  A man started getting out of the car.  

“Get back in that car!”  Alex screamed.  Her skin was crackling with static electricity.  Her powers wanted to unleash themselves on this man who had invaded her home.

“Who are you? Where’s Cap?”  The man asked.  He looked defensive but hadn’t taken on any kind of fighting stance.

“If you think for one second, I will let you get to him …”

The man laughed. It was a loud pleasant bark of a laugh.  “Chill woman, I’m a friend.  Get Steve.”

There was a cry from across the field.  “Alex!”  Steve yelled.  “Power down!”

Alex glanced around in a panic.  “Tell me who you are.  I won’t let you take him.” She growled.

“I’m not here to take anyone, sparky.  Listen to Steve.”

Steve had finally reached them.  He reached a hand out towards Alex like he was trying to soothe a frightened animal.  “Alexandra, power down.  He’s a friend.  You’re safe.  I’m safe.”

“Steve?” She said the fear obvious in her voice.  

“Alex. You’re safe.  This is Sam.  You’re safe.  Power down.”  Steve reassured her.  

“This is Sam?”

“That’s right.  Now power down.”

She took a deep breath and shut her powers down.  She felt light headed and staggered forward.  Steve caught her, holding her against him, soothing her.

“Cap,” Sam said, nodding to his friend.

“Hi, Sam,”  Steve said smiling and shaking his head.  “Come inside.”

Steve helped Alex into the house and sat her at the kitchen table.  He went to the pantry and pulled out some protein bars, piling them in front of Alex.  She tore one open and shoved it in her mouth.  He turned to Sam and embraced him.  They thudded each other on the back.

“It’s good to see you.  What are you doing here though?  Has there been trouble?”  Steve asked.

“No more than usual.  Just thought I’d stop in.  See how you were doing.” Sam shrugged trying to play it off as nonchalant.  He’d been worried about his friend being trapped out her alone.  He hadn’t counted on the lightning chick though.  “What’s with the bottomless pit here?”  Alex was already on her forth energy bar.  

“Sam, this is Alex,”  Steve said.  He went to the fridge and pulled out a beer and handed it to Sam, he then poured a glass of milk for Alex. She took it and started drinking as soon as it was within reach. “She’s … well, we …”

Sam started laughing and sat down on the chair opposite Alex. “Oh I see.  What about you and …”  He made a strange hand gesture that didn’t really mean anything except that Steve knew exactly what he meant.  Steve shook his head, and Sam dropped it.

“And the eye shit?”  Sam asked wiggling his fingers next to his eyes.

“I’m enhanced,”  Alex answered through a mouth full of food.  She was getting sick of them talking about her like she wasn’t there.

“Like witchy?”  Sam asked.

“Sort of.  They’d give each other a run for their money.”  Steve said putting his hand on Alex’s shoulder.  “She alters DNA.  I’m glad I made it to you when I did.  You don’t back down easy, do you?”

Alex shook her head.   She felt embarrassed.  She didn’t want to be the violent person she was, but the first sense of threat and she’d gone into destruction mode.  She could have killed Steve’s friend.  She got up.  “I’m going to go lie down.  I made a butterfly before he got here.  I’m a bit tired now.”

Alex left the room and went and lay in her bed, listening.

“She made a butterfly?” Sam said shaking his head after she left the room.

Steve sat down in the chair that Alex was so recently occupying.  “Yeah. She’s pretty powerful.  If she has organic matter available to her she could potentially do anything with it.  Takes a lot of energy though.  Thus …”  He indicated to the pile of energy bar wrappers.

“Now, tell me really, Cap.  What’s the deal with you two.  What about Sharon?”

Steve shook his head.  “Sharon and I didn't work out.  Too much distance, not enough time.  Anyway, Alex happened before … ugh, it’s complicated.”  He dragged his hand down his face.

“Oh, an old flame then?  How did she find you?”  Sam laughed.

“SHIELD dropped her off.  Which is concerning for a few reasons.  The first being, SHIELD shouldn’t even exist right now.”  Steve answered his mood darkening.

“You trust her?  Maybe she’s a spy?”

Steve shook his head.  “She’s not a spy.  As to trusting her …”

Alex started to cry.  The tears silently running down her cheeks.  Things hadn’t been the same since she came back.  How could they be?  She had abandoned him, and he still didn’t know why, or what she’d done.

She listened to them talk but the conversation turned to things about the friends they shared who were still on the run, and something about Thor and Bruce Banner’s whereabouts.  She wanted to leave the room, and go outside again, but then they’d know she was listening in and not resting like she’d said.

She closed her eyes, and the next thing she was aware of is the bed shifting as Steve climbed in next to her.  

“Alex, you’ve been asleep all day.”  He whispered rubbing his hand up and down her arm.

She rubbed her eyes and rolled over to face him.  “I’m sorry.”  She breathed.

“It’s okay, I was just worried that you wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.” He kissed her on the temple.  

“That’s not what I’m sorry about.”

“What is it?”  Steve asked, panicked.  What had she done now?  Or was it something she was planning on doing?

“Where’s your friend?”  

“He’s sleeping in the spare room.  Don’t deflect.”  Steve had adopted his leadership voice.  He hated using it on her.  

She pressed her face into his chest.  “When I left, I thought you didn’t love me.  I thought you had just used me.  I wanted to go away and make myself someone you would love.  Instead, I’ve made it so you don’t trust me.”  She swallowed.  “And you shouldn’t.  I killed people Steve.  I would have killed your friend.”

“Alex.” Steve shook his head.  He wasn’t sure what he should say.  “You’ve been hurt.  Badly.  By a lot of people.  I should have been aware of that on that day.  You’re always on high alert for people to continue to hurt you.  I’m sure whatever you did while you were on your own …”

Alex silenced him with a kiss.  All she wanted to right now was to make love with him.  He wouldn’t want to after she came clean, she was sure of it.  He might not hate her, or ask her to leave, but they wouldn’t be together anymore.  

The kiss was urgent and he yielded to her, letting her take control.  Her lips crashed against his, her tongue invaded his mouth.  She tugged at his shirt and he helped her remove it, and she straddled him, trailing kisses down his smooth, muscular chest.  

He moved his hands up under her shirt and just as he reached the clasp of her bra she burst into tears.  She couldn’t do this to him.  He needed to know who she had been.  Who she still was despite how hard she was trying not to be.

He sat up and held her, stroking her hair.  “What is it, Alex?  You need to talk to me.”

“I’m not good enough for you.  I’m not.  I’ll take you down with me.” She sobbed, her hand balling into a fist against his chest.

“I think I can decide that for myself, Alex.”  

“I didn’t kill people in self-defense, Steve.  I murdered them.  I murdered some random guy for information, and then I murdered my stepdad.  It wasn’t quick either.  I tortured them.  I made them feel everything they put me through.  Everything.  I need to be locked up.  I can never make up for this.  I’d have let Phil take me to the raft, but I’m afraid someone will try an use me again. I’d kill myself but I can’t die.  How do I fix this, Steve? I don’t know how to fix this.”

Steve held her.  He knew she was damaged, but he hadn’t expected this. Phil was dead, and she was talking about him like he was alive. She’d tortured people.  “You’re right, Alex.  You will never be able to fix it.  Those deaths, what you did to those people, it will be on you forever.”  He sighed and pushed her away from him. “You’re right though.  Being locked up is not the answer for you. It’s too dangerous, and it will only make things worse.  It won’t fix you.  I need to think.”

Alex went to kiss him, but he pushed her away.

“I love you, Steve.”  She sobbed, her tears causing her whole body to shake.

“I love you too, Alex.   I don’t want to lose you.  I don’t think I can take losing anyone, but I need some space.  I’m going to go sleep on the couch.”  

Alex grabbed his arm as he went to stand.  “I’ll sleep on the couch. You won’t be comfortable.  This is my fault.”

Steve nodded.  As she went to leave he took her hand and squeezed it. “Please don’t run.  Not again.”  

Alex went out to the living room and fell onto the couch.  She fell asleep crying.

Steve woke up the following morning to find the house empty.  His first thought was to panic.  She’d done it again.  He ran out on the porch and saw her in the field with Sam.  They were doubled over laughing.  Sam was wearing his flight suit and there were feathers everywhere.

He approached them both smiling.  This was the most normal and at ease, he had felt for months now.

“What’s going on here?”  He asked.

“Damn, Steve you should have seen it!”  Sam laughed, clapping him on the shoulder.  “I got up this morning and your girl was sitting there all morose, so I asked her if she wanted to see Redwing.”

“I was more interested in the wings.  I’d heard about the wings. I wanted to see them.”  Alex squeaked.  He couldn’t remember a time she ever looked so happy.

“So I got the suit out and start showing off.”

“I watched him and started thinking maybe I could make my own wings and fly.  Like I think I should be able to do it.”

“I look down at her and she’s sparking, you know the way she does. So I land to see what’s up, and these feathers just explode out of her.”

“I guess I need to really look at what real wings are like better because all I made was a ton of feathers.  They went everywhere.”

Steve looked at her and felt real warmth.  A potential for actual happiness.  He laughed and hugged her.  “You made them out of nothing?”  

She was still giggling. “No.  No.  I made them out of me.  They’re my feathers.”  She picked one off her shirt and blew it into his face.  “I probably should go eat.  I feel a little light headed.”

“That’s because you’re all feathers, woman.”  Sam laughed.  

Alex kissed Steve on the cheek and went inside.  

“She’s a weird kid, but I like her.”  Sam laughed.  “Did you two fight last night?”

Steve shook his head.  “No.  She finally came clean to me about some stuff.  It’s not pretty.”   Sam put his hand on Steve’s shoulder.  “You can talk to me you know.”

So Steve emptied out all the information onto his friend.  When he was done, Sam shook his head.  “Sounds to me like those dudes had it coming.”

“It doesn’t excuse it though.”  Steve sighed.

“You forgave Bucky.”

“Buck didn’t know what he was doing.”

Sam laughed.  “You think she was all there when she did those things?  At least she’s trying to make up for what she did instead of just hiding.”

That hurt.  Steve turned away from his friend.  

“Do you think she could help the green guy out?  Fix his anger management issues?”  Sam asked.

“Banner?  Hey, that’s not a bad idea.”

It took a little while to track down Banner.  Steve didn’t have the resources they used to have, and Banner didn’t want to be found.  It was actually Alex that was able to find him.  A call to SHIELD and within two days she had exact coordinates for him.  

They piled out of the car when they arrived at the abandoned warehouse he was supposed to be inhabiting.  Alex was terrified.  The whole trip had taxed her emotionally.  Steve knew it was hard on her, but he also knew she needed to do it.  She had to prove to herself she wasn’t a danger to the rest of the world.

Sam took her hand as they approached the building.  “You’re gonna be okay, Feathers.”  He said giving it a squeeze.  She looked at him and smiled.  

They entered the building.  Steve couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.  The Quinjet was in the hanger, but it had been altered.  It was beginning to look more like a spacecraft.

“Captain?”  

They turned to the voice.  Bruce Banner came walking out of an office to the left of them.  He was wiping his glasses on his grubby singlet.

“Doctor Banner,”  Steve said nodding to his old friend.  “It’s been a long time.”

“What are you doing here, Steve?  Come to arrest me?”  

Sam barked out a laugh.  

“I would have hoped you knew me better than that, Bruce.  Besides, all of us here are fugitives.  Haven’t you heard.”

Alex frowned, wanting to correct him, but deciding against it.  She may not be a fugitive, but she should be.

“I had heard there had been a little trouble.  So what is it then? Come to recruit me to your new cause?  I’m not interested.”

Steve shook his head.   “No.  We’ve come to help.”

Bruce sat surveying Alex.  She was standing at the window staring out through the filth that had accumulated on it.  She kept drawing shapes in the dirt.  Love hearts, and snowflakes.  He wasn’t convinced.  

“Do you know how many dead ends I’ve chased trying to cure myself?”  He sighed.  “I can’t get my hopes up again.”  

“She is very powerful, Bruce.  You can test her first. Draw some blood.  She can do this.”  Steve implored.

“Banner!”  A loud booming voice yelled, and Thor burst through the door.  Alex jumped out of her skin.  Her eyes sparked and she threw her hands out in front of her in a defensive stance.

“Steve!  My friend!  What brings you here?”  Thor exclaimed, approaching Steve his arms held out.  Steve stood and embraced him.  

“They think they can cure me,”  Bruce said and laughed.  It was a hollow laugh, with no joy in it at all.

“But this is good news!  How have you come across this cure?”  

Alex had relaxed her powers.  She had heard of Thor.  Seen him on the television.  She knew he wasn’t a risk to her.   “That would be me.”  

Thor looked at her and approached her a scowl on his face.  “You look familiar, child.  Who are your parents?”

Alex stumbled back from him.  He may not be a threat to her, but his size still made him intimidating.   “I don’t know.”  She stammered.  “My mom is – is just no one.  I don’t know my dad.  I look like my dad.”

Thor frowned and turned back to the others.  “Well, what are we waiting for?  If she has your cure, you should be using it.”

Bruce sighed and led them into his lab.  He drew some blood and poured it into a Petri dish.   It bubbled and grew in volume, it’s contents overflowing the dish.  Alex took Bruce’s face in her hand and stared into him, examining his cells, looking for the thing that had been changed in him that was doing this to him.  When she was sure she had the cause of the problem and could see the solution she turned to the dish and hovered her hand over it.  Her eyes sparked and the blood in the dish settled returning to its original volume.

“Is that it?”  Steve asked when her eyes had returned to normal.

“Yeah.  It was easy.”  She smiled.  Steve tucked a lock of her pitch black hair behind her ear.  She snuggled into his chest.

Bruce wasn’t convinced.  He thudded on the table beside the dish. The tray jumped, and blood spilled over the edge, but it remained the same volume as before.  Bruce took the dish and put it under a microscope.  Prodding it.  Trying to make it angry.  

“I don’t believe it.  You actually did it.”

There weren’t a lot of places to sleep in the old hanger.  Sam stayed behind and slept in the Quinjet, but Steve and Alex went and checked in to a dingy motel up the road.  Alex checked in under a fake name and paid cash.  The guy who ran it didn’t bother checking any of her details.  She rewarded him by curing his arthritis while his back was turned on her.  

Alex stepped through the door of their room.  It smelled of mold and cigarettes and she wrinkled her nose.  Steve placed a hand on the middle of her back.  She turned to face him.

“I am really proud of you, Alex.”  He said, pulling her into his arms.  “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant with you since you got back. I’ve been having trouble seeing the girl I fell in love with.”

Alex wrapped her arms around his waist.  “You can see her now?”

Steve nodded and placed a light kiss on her temple.  

“Steve.”  Alex breathed.  “I need you.”

The words awoke something in him.  He wanted to make love to her like they hadn’t since the first time.  Really connect with her again.  He cupped her chin in his large hand and kissed her, guiding her back towards the bed.  Her fingers fumbled at the buttons on his shirt as their lips caressed each other.  The first time they had made love Alex had been the confident one.  She knew what she wanted, and she wasn’t afraid of it.  Steve was shy, uncertain, afraid of making a mistake.  It was like their roles had been reversed.  Alex was scared that if she made one wrong move it would be over again. She would lose him for good.  Steve just wanted her.

He pulled his shirt off, throwing it in the corner of the room, and then grabbed her's and yanked it off over her head.  She unhooked her bra, and let it fall from her arms.  There was a brief pause as they admired each other’s physique.  They had both been made thanks to the super soldier serum.  Steve’s muscular body a direct result of the serum, giving him height and muscle mass.  Her body, however, was crafted by her to be exactly what she wanted.  It was like it was airbrushed and straight from the pages of a magazine.  

He fell on her, kissing her, exploring her mouth, grazing his teeth over her lips.  He moved along her jaw, nipping at her earlobe, causing her to moan and her head to roll back.  He kissed down her neck, sucking on the skin, biting at it, knowing he couldn’t mark her, but trying anyway.  He ran the point of his tongue along her collar bone, and as he did he lifted her up and moved her back onto the bed, so she was lying in the middle of it.  He moved to her breasts.  He sucked one nipple into his mouth and bit at the hard peak.  She gasped and arched against him.  He loved how her body responded to him.  He needed it.  Craved it.

He moved further down, trailing his lips along her skin.  He reached the top of her shorts and he yanked them from her.  He bit the inside of her thigh and sucked on the skin.  

“Please, Steve.”  Alex murmured.  It felt like she was a bundle of tightly wound, exposed nerves, waiting for release.  Her whole body screamed out for him.  She wanted him.  Needed him to take her.

His tongue entered her folds.  She whined and squirmed under him. He lapped at her.  When his tongue hit her clit it sent a shock wave through her and she made this guttural primal sound.  He pushed two fingers inside of her moist entrance.  She cried out bucking against him.

“Steve, please.  I need you.”  She moaned as he worked his fingers inside of her, rolling them inside, as she clenched her walls around him.  

He sat up and unfastened his fly, pushing his trousers down.  He moved so he was positioned above her.  His cock pressed against her mound.  

“I love you, Steve,”  Alex whispered, reaching her hands to his face, tracing them along his lips, and down his jaw.

He kissed her, it was deep and tender and full of all the desire he had for her.  For them together.  He entered her.  

They were as one again, moving, clenching, thrusting together, bringing each other closer and closer to climax.  The began to moan, and grunt against each other.  Alex ran her hands through Steve’s hair, tugging at it.  When they came, they came together, holding each other.  Moaning each other’s name.

Alex stood in the clearing of the forest facing Bruce.  She felt calm and in control.  The others had taken them to a place far from anywhere, where no one could be hurt if something went wrong.  They were on comms, listening but out of reach if they Hulk came to defend his place on this world.  Alex was not worried though.  The Hulk couldn’t hurt her, and she could do this.

“Are you ready?”  Alex asked smiling at Bruce.  

“I’m not sure.  I feel like this is too good to be true.”  He said.  He was jittery, rubbing his hands up and down his arms.

“You need to be calm.  He’s going to fight back.”

Bruce sighed.  “I know, which is exactly why I’m not calm.”

Alex put her hands on Bruce’s chest and slid them outwards.   “I can do this.”

Bruce took a deep breath and nodded.

She looked into him again, assessed his cells and her powers engaged.  She started changing him, repairing the cells, sending the repaired cells out to replace the damaged ones.  It was going well, not rapidly, but smoothly.  He was changing, returning to the person he was supposed to be.

The Hulk fought back.  His body started changing, the damaged cells fighting for control.  Alex doubled down, fighting him, changing them back.  Bruce tried to control it, tried to hold the Hulk back, keep him buried.   He fell to the ground, panting, his body convulsing. She knelt down beside him, holding him as she focused on fixing this.

She had this.  She did.  She was winning.  

And then she wasn’t.  Her energy dropped.  She couldn’t keep it up. He was wrestling control from her.

Bruce looked up at her, his face contorted in pain.  “Run!”  He yelled.

She powered down and ran.  She didn’t get far.  The Hulk had her. He held her in one hand, crushing her.  She tried to use her powers to protect herself, they engaged, her skin became a hard shell.  The Hulk smashed her onto the ground and the shell shattered.  Her energy was waning.  

“Steve!”  She screamed.  “Steve!  Can you hear me!”

“What is it, Alex?  What’s happened!”

The Hulk was crushing her, she could feel her bones crack and break under the pressure he exerted on her.  As they broke they repaired, draining her of more energy only to have them break again.  “The Hulk.  He won.  I couldn’t do it.”  

The world started to swim, he was crushing the life from her.  

“We’re coming, Alex.  We’ll get you.”  

“It’s too late, Steve.  I love you.”  She said.  It was barely a whisper.  This was right.  She needed to die.  She didn’t belong in this world.  Steve would be sad, but he’d move on.  She would be at peace knowing for one night she had been good enough for him.  “I love you, okay.”

“Alex, stay with me.  I love you, please hold on.  We’re coming.”

That was the last thing she heard.  The world went black.

~ END ~