#and despite KNOWING i moved out because of my dog robyn. and her being the one who didn’t want robyn in her house

[gobbluthbutagirl]

ever since my nephew was born my parents(who have been divorced since like 2013 and separated since 2011) have had this weird codependent relationship where, since my nephew and his mother/my sister live at my mom’s house, on the weekends my dad will literally wake up and immediately drive to my mom’s house and stay there until like 11pm, and on weekdays he will go straight to her house when he leaves work and also stay there until at least 10pm. and he also buys all her groceries for her and does all of her household maintenance type tasks like mowing her lawn and changing her lightbulbs and taking her trash out, while neglecting similar tasks at his own house, and it’s like to the point where multiple people have asked my siblings if they’re together/getting back together, but they most definitely are not, it’s something weirder than that. but anyway yesterday he took her furniture shopping because her couch broke and apparently the guy at the consignment store, after hearing all about their grandson, made some innocent comment that implied they were married, and my mom got really offended and snapped at him that they are NOT married, and my dad was just like Well we used to be…

[purplesurveys]

1245

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella?  Oh you are just mean. Nutella is amazing as a filling or icing, but when it comes down to it I guess I look for peanut butter more often. I love both though.

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes?  Mashed. But baked potatoes are pretty good too; the only reason I didn’t pick it is that I don’t get to have it as often as I do mashed.

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name?  I’m the eldest sibling, but my sister, who comes after me, has Beatrice as her second name if that’s what you mean by middle name.

Do you like breadsticks?  Yes. The more cheesy-garlicky, the better.

What are your favorite things to spend money on?  Merch or food.

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten?  Puppy. Not the biggest fan of cats.

How old will you be on your next birthday?  24.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people?  If it’s the combination of having to be around people I’m not too close with, like workmates, and I’m eating something that tends to be messy, like jjajangmyeon, then yeah I can definitely feel conscious.

When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts?  I fell asleep from 11 PM to around 3 AM and when I woke up then I thought  “ugh, I fell asleep early again?”

What is one thing in the room you’re in that reminds you of somebody?  My vape pen constantly reminds me of Andi because they were the one who gave it to me.

Could you ever be friends with somebody who was homophobic?  No.

Would you ever want to be a supermodel, or date one?  I did want to be one, at one point. It was all a matter of being stuck with the wrong crowd at the time lol.

Honestly, have you ever made fun of somebody so bad they cried?  Probably with my sister when we were very young.

Honestly, would you rather be complimented on your looks or intelligence?  Intelligence.

Have you ever purchased a pregnancy test, for yourself or otherwise? I never have.

You can get one thing, anything, for free right now. What do you pick? Why?  A 1 or 2 TB hard drive. My phone has reached the stage where I’m starting to have to constantly delete shit so I don’t reach the maximum storage, so I need someplace to dump all my photos and videos in to free up my phone.

Honestly, have you ever danced naked?  Nope.

What was the first illegal thing that you did? Did you get caught? I dunno...buy pirated movies? I didn’t get ‘caught’ since pirated movie stalls are widespread here anyway, so for the most part I’ve always been more concerned for them than I am for myself.

What is the home page on the computer you’re on?  Technically it’s supposed to be the Google home screen, but I have an extension that shows me my to-do list for the day.

Do you like to write poetry?  Nah, that’s always been my Achilles’ heel when it comes to writing.

Are your ears pierced?  Yup. Surprisingly enough they’ve never closed up despite never having worn earrings (clip-ons notwithstanding) in the last 13 years.

If so, were they pierced with a piercing gun, or with a sterile needle?  I’m not sure, since my mom had them pierced when I was a baby. I would guess piercing gun, though.

Do you wear makeup regularly? I never wear makeup.

Did you eat cereal for breakfast today?  I never have cereal unless I’m staying at hotels. It’s just never been something I look for.

When was the last time you tripped over something?  A box that was lying around in my room.

Any obsessive-compulsive tendencies?  I’ll sometimes get concerned with how many times I have to flick the switch of our hot water dispenser or open and close the refrigerator door before I feel completely satisfied...but I dunno if that counts.

Who was the last person you yelled at?  Technically...Angela? I was filming an unboxing video for a gift she randomly got me and I loved the gift so much I was yelling my excitement through the screen.

Why did you yell at them?  ^ That.

Favorite type of apple?  I don’t like fruits.

Ever seen live horse racing?  No, it’s not something that interests me.

How about live greyhound racing?  I don’t even know what that looks like.

What’s one thing, besides the obvious, that you couldn’t live without?  The arts, I guess. I need something to listen to, to watch, etc on a regular basis.

Have you ever touched a giraffe?  I don’t think so.

What does your mom call you?  Robyn, or the Filipino term parents use for their kids.

What stresses you out the most in life?  A particular client at work. We have a million campaigns going on for them at any given point so my life virtually revolves around that brand these days.

Do you play any PC games? What is your favorite?  Nope.

If you were pregnant, how would you tell the father? Well, that would depend on the circumstances. Did we want a baby? Was it a bad surprise, a happy surprise? I can't answer this with just one idea. < Yeah.

What’s the hardest level you can play on Guitar Hero?  If I’m using a Playstation controller, I can go Hard or Expert. But my finger coordination with the actual guitar controller is terrible and I fail most songs even at Easy.

What ever happened with you and your first boyfriend?  There was never any ‘boyfriend,’ but my first girlfriend and I have basically had a falling out and I haven’t talked to her in months, and I expect it to continue being that way.

What’s your favorite country song?  I don’t have any.

What is the worst thing a former boyfriend/girlfriend has done to you?  Putting her pride and anger first even when I’m obviously in a state of disstress or breakdown in front of her. That’s some emotional rollercoaster I’m glad I don’t have to deal with anymore.

What were you for Halloween last year?  Just Dora the Explorer again, which was a repeat from the year before that.

Are you feeling guilty for something?  I don’t think so; at least there isn’t anything I’m actively feeling guilty about at the moment.

Are you usually quiet or loud?  I think I’m in between? I’m pretty loud but I can space out at the most random moments hahaha.

How many hours do you spend on the computer a day?  This question always makes me wince at myself...I guess anywhere between 16-18 hours? The only time I put my laptop down is when I’m off to bed, but otherwise it’s constantly open.

What is the show that you watched when you were little, and you still do? I don’t think there is such a show.

Do your siblings text you?  Nope. We live under the same roof 24/7 so there’s been little need to text.

Do you want a small or big wedding?  Big.

Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth?  Yes, but that was when Google Earth was still super bare so I wasn’t able to see the actual house anyway, but just the general area where we’re located. I haven’t used Google Earth in years.

Who is your ex dating/talking to?  I don’t know and I hoooonestly could not care less.

Ever kissed someone who smokes?  Yep.

Does it take a lot for someone to annoy you?  Depends on my mood. I have my moments where it’s very easy for me to get irritated.

Do you own your own computer?  I mean it was bought for me, but I didn’t get it with money I earned.

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings?  When my brother was starting to mature, my sister and I very very briefly experimented sharing a room, but it lasted like all of two weeks. My parents ultimately just transferred our balcony to a bedroom so that all three of us had our own rooms.

What noises in the room you’re in, do you hear at the moment?  An airplane is flying above me at the moment so I can hear its engine. I can also hear some crickets chirping and the faint barking of dogs.

Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours?  Yup.

What’s the biggest upcoming event for you?  I guess my second vaccine dose is kinda big? It’s happening this Friday.

What do you typically order from Wendy’s?  I rarely get Wendy’s tbh, but when I do I usually go for their Baconator.

Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper?  No, it’s not something I would be into.

What do you love most about yourself? Continued the next day because I am terrible at taking a survey in one go. I like that I don’t hesitate to do or buy things for my loved ones, not even inwardly. I guess it’s because my family has always lived very practically, so I want to make up for that by spoiling my friends.

Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed?  Yes.

What are you doing right now?  I am supposed to be at work but it’s a relatively quiet day, so I’m here. I do have my screen split between Tumblr and my emails though, so that I’d be able to see if new work will come in hahaha.

What’s bothering you right now?  Quiet work days always make me anxious because it makes me think if I’m forgetting about something crucial.

What was the last thing you drank?  I literally just took a sip of my coffee before moving on to this question.

Be honest, do you like people in general?  Depends on the situation, I think. Like when I go to concerts, I know I’m around people I share the same interests with, so there’s a sense of solidarity that goes with that. But when I’m like...I dunno, lining up to get my license renewed at a government office, I know people there are in a rush and tend to get rude, and that makes me feel a little bit overwhelmed. I don’t think this is something I can generalize.

Do you want your tongue pierced?  No. Lip I can consider, but I have to pass on tongue. 

Do you change your phone background a lot?  I do these days, yeah.

Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?  Possibly.

Have you ever been strip searched?  I’ve been searched, but was never asked to strip.

Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it?  No, it’s an ordinary surname.

Ever have a drug overdose? What did you OD on exactly?  Never.

Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? I get sick of people who call themselves bipolar, and of people who use ‘bipolar’ to describe someone else who just has your typical mood swings.

Describe your day so far in three words:  Business as usual.

What was the most stressful project you had so far/while in school? I was once designated as a leader for a science investigative project, which didn’t make sense because science was definitely not my strongest point. Needless to say it didn’t go well and I ended up being a terrible leader. Choose one- Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers:  Butterfinger, even though they’re a bitch to eat and chew.

Have you ever stepped in dog poop?  Maybe once or twice. It fortunately doesn’t happen a lot.

What was the last thing you spent money on?  I got Angela and Reena cheese tarts. The reason behind it was Jin held a VLIve last Monday and he had been eating egg tarts during the stream; and because I was happy to have watched my first Jin live, I got my friends cheese tarts hahaha. I don’t know a lot of places that sells good egg tarts so I settled for cheese tarts instead, which I think are better anyway.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed?  Yeah.

Is there a guy that knows a lot about you?  I guess Hans? We personally don’t get to have a lot of heart-to-heart exchanges, but considering how Angela’s my greatest confidante I’m sure she has shared bits of my life to him, which I don’t mind.

Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without?  I don’t really like answering this question anymore because the people that I’ve declared ‘for keeps’ have faded out of my life at some point. I’m a lot more guarded and self-preservation-y when it comes to this now.

Do you prefer Starbucks coffee or small cafe coffee?  Ooooh, both. I love coffee.

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum?  No.

Do you enjoy being outdoors?  If the weather is nice, yes.

Do people tell you that you have an accent?  I mean I’ve been told my English is strong, but my accent in particular doesn’t really get noted.

Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July?  I don’t celebrate that.

What’re some unspeakable subjects for you?  I don’t like talking about my brother. Otherwise I am pretty open about everything.

Is there anyone you would take a bullet for?  Several people come to mind.

Do you enjoy tanning?  If I’m at the beach, sure. It’s honestly not something I have to constantly keep up with, though, since I’m already naturally tan enough. Are you a virgin?  No.

Who’s your celebrity crush?  Taehyung :(

Did or do you get good grades in English class?  I always got pretty good grades in English.

What part of your body are you self-conscious about?  Teeth, and my legs sometimes.

Are you expected to help fix Thanksgiving dinner?  I don’t celebrate that.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer?  Yes.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender?  Yes.

When was the last time you got a shot?  Last month, then I’m getting my second dose tomorrow.

[littlemisssquiggles]

Lindsay mentioned that Ruby's arc in V8 was: everything hurts and "What?" I have three theories on the "What?" is pertaining to: 1. Ruby's reaction to Yang revealing to have lied about the Spring Maiden. 2. Lore about Summer's death (maybe she's alive?) 3. The plan to evacuate Mantle to the crater goes sideways and people die, and Ruby devolves into a Heroic BSOD. What do you think?

Hello again Miki-chan o/

Hmmm. To be honest, I’m not sure about the third theory. I mean I like it since I can see it as something that could potentially be used to shock not just our heroes but also Ironwood out of his current Baobab-infected state. Imagine if…our heroes do manage to successfully evacuate the last of Mantle to the crater and it’s a case where things seem to be looking up until, let’s say our hero team decide to leave the refugees to go on a personal mission up to Atlas---maybe it’s the mission to finally rescue Qrow and Robyn.

So as our heroes head up to Atlas to confront the General for their allies, the refugees are left in the care of the Happy Huntresses or at least a few of em. Let’s say…for whatever reason, there are more members of the Huntresses besides the main ones we met last season: Robyn Hill, May Marigold, Joanna Greenleaf and Fiona Thyme.

So as May, Joanna and Fiona accompany our hero team up to Atlas to rescue their leader, they leave a couple of their fellow unnamed members in charge of the refugees of Mantle. Unbeknownst to our team, that’s when Salem decides to make one of her biggest moves. Let’s say, while our heroes were busy challenging Ironwood and his forces up in Atlas---fighting amongst themselves, this left an opening for Salem to make an attack on the unsuspecting Mantlese Refugees.

Imagine a scene where…Ironwood is fighting a duel with one of our heroes---perhaps it could be against Ruby or Oscar or even the two of them. And in the midst of their battle, an incoming call comes to Ironwood and when the General answers, it’s Salem who basically broadcasts her forces slaughtering the refugees of Mantle right before our so-called heroes’ eyes? Because while they were busy fighting with each other, they left the very people they swore to protect susceptible to the very threat they were trying to save them from.

So it’s a case where our heroes’ feud brought forth the damnation they were working against each other to avoid. And let’s say…it’s in a moment like this when all our of hero factions---JNR_QROWMBY, the Happy Huntresses and the Atlesian Military---decide they should work together to protect what’s left of Atlas and Mantle? What do you think of that?

While I’m not sure about the deaths of the Mantlese refugees being what Ruby responds to, I think you had it correct when the “What?” may be in response to Ruby either a) learning that Raven is the Spring Maiden after Yang drops the bomb leading to a potential fight between the sisters or b) learning more truth regarding her mother’s death from the worst source possible---Salem.

Imagine if…Ruby ends up pursuing Salem at some point in V8? OHHHH! Y’know what I just thought---What if… we got another call-back to the earlier seasons of RWBY?  Remember how back during the Beacon Trilogy, Yang’s story was that she was trying to find her mother Raven so that she could’ve learnt the full truth behind why she left and during the “Burning the Candle” episode in V2, Yang told Blake about a time in her youth when she became so obsessed in her pursuit of her mother that she nearly got herself and toddler Ruby killed, leading to them being rescued by Qrow.

Call me crazy but…imagine if…Ruby basically becomes like how Yang was.  And it’s a case where Yang begins to notice the clear warning signs of what Ruby making the same mistake she once did. Blake takes notice of it too since she also sees a bit of herself in Ruby---the way she drove herself ragged obsessing over trying to stop Torchwick until Yang had to pull her up and set her straight. Imagine if…Oscar notices Ruby’s strange behavior as well; becoming worried for her and getting a shared uneasy feeling in his gut from Ozpin who also becomes concerned for his former student.

Perhaps …this could be how Yang and Ruby end up fighting and the truth about Raven is dropped. Imagine if…Ruby and Yang fight over Yang realizing that Ruby’s true intentions was to confront Salem on her own; driven by both her desire to learn about what happened to her mother and something else that makes the people who were once close to Summer Rose (such as Qrow and Ozpin) recognize that Ruby was now mirroring her mother’s behaviour before her disappearance and death (I actually don’t think Summer Rose is alive).

And in Yang’s attempt to convince her sister not to run off to her own death, that’s when Yang is forced to reveal the truth about Raven when an exasperated and mentally drained Ruby Rose drills Yang to give her a reason why she shouldn’t go after Salem. And that’s when Yang tells Ruby that her behavior reminds her of how she wanted to learn the truth about Raven which in turn lead to Yang finally talking about her confrontation with Raven down in the Vault of the Spring Maiden, leading to her to finally confess the “truth” she learned about her mother and how that made her feel and all that jazz? 

How about that?

OR….

Since Salem appears to be the one person who knows the truth about Summer Rose and what happened to her, imagine if…in her current frustrated state, Ruby gets the bright idea to go after Salem herself?

Like she becomes practically obsessed with wanting to know what happened to her mother (coupled together with exhaustion) and since Salem has the answers Ruby seeks, it makes the young silver eyed huntress actually consider going to Salem herself.

Even more precise, what if…there are several moments during V8 when Salem tempts Ruby into coming to her; like a venomous snake whispering cunningly into the rose’s ear to tempt her towards her death?

Since V7 revealed that Salem is able channel part of her essence into the Grimm she creates, imagine if…at some point…Salem corners Ruby while she’s far out of earshot of her comrades and speaks to her through the corpse of a Grimm Ruby slaughtered. Picture, Ruby exhaustedly cutting down a Grimm, thinking it had disappeared after it was been killed only for Ruby to suddenly hear Salem’s cryptically malicious voice. And as she slowly spun around to inspect the source of the voice, there it was---Salem speaking to Ruby through  the head of the very beast she spawned.

Imagine if…it’s a moment where Salem speaks to Ruby alone---tempting her with an offer the poor girl couldn’t refuse. Remember your ultimatum idea? Well…let’s say… Salem coaxes Ruby into surrendering herself to her in exchange for sparing the lives of the Atlesians in addition to promising to tell her all about what happened to her mother. Basically, it’s another case where Salem could sense Ruby’s vulnerability and desperation and uses that to her advantage to force her to come to her. What if…Ruby even tries to bargain with Salem---y’know like ‘deal with the devil’ type of scenario?

Imagine if…Salem even does something to Ruby to ensure that the girl doesn’t break their deal?

Are you familiar with a film called “All Dogs Go To Heaven”? If not, it’s an old animated film and in its sequel film---All Dogs Go to Heaven II--- Charlie, a dog up in heaven---ends up losing Gabriel’s Horn---a heavenly artifact with the power to open the gates of heaven. From what I remember from the plot, the horn ends up falling down to Earth leading to Charlie and one of her friends to go down to the surface world to retrieve the horn.

Long story short to get to my main idea, at some point later in the story, Charlie makes a deal with the Devil; despite the demonic creature warning the naïve dog that a deal with him was binding. But Charlie makes the deal anyways and as a symbol of their pact, Charlie is fitted with a dog collar that tightens painfully around his throat, choking him whenever he defies the Devil’s wishes.

So with that concept in mind, imagine if…Ruby makes a dangerous pact with Salem to surrender herself to her in exchange for Atlas’s protection. The pact is bounded by dark magic and let’s say, it’s represented by…I dunno---black veins resembling thorns (similar to the one on Salem’s skin) that wrap around Ruby’s wrist and dig painfully into her skin whenever the little red rose attempted to ‘defy’ the deal she made with Salem.

And let’s say…the thorns got longer, painful and more visible along Ruby’s hand the longer she avoided her inevitable deal with the Wicked Witch?

Imagine if…it’s a case like that? What do you think?

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY V8E2 LiveThoughts

And now, for episode 2; same deal as last time, spoilers for this weeks episode. 

RT getting a wee bit too real with the “curfew in effect” sign on the side of that building in the opening. Least here its a visible noticeable threat and not Corona. Still.

Oh, heh. “Hope has no place here.” Always did love that line. But that might just be the grimdark fan in me.

Overall Im not a huge fan of this seasons opening, it doesnt sound as melodic as the last couple ones. More...chaotic. I think thats intentionally but Im still not a fan.

Dude, Qrow, thats unsanitary. Seriously, clean that shit off. You’re gonna get like, tetnus or something.

And Robyn complaining to Qrow. I mean shes not WRONG but at the same time SHE was the one who decided to pass out during the crash. Dont go throwing blame around Hill, you were just as useless and dumb as everyone but Tyrian in that whole section of last season.

Correction, shes talking to Jasque Scnee who is SOMEHOW in the same prison as they are. Additional; hardlight cells with no visible emitters, no toilet or other commodities. This must be a holding cell of some kind. Unless the bed they all have is ALSO a toilet. Ew.

Yeah you sure about that Schnee? Indirect murder is still murder.

Whh...WATTS IS IN HERE TOO?! WHAT THE FUCK IRONWOOD. You dont have a maximum security like, ICEBOX lock up? Dude this is just ASKING for trouble.

Watt’s black eye is still there. Maybe there is something to him not having his aura fully unlocked. Or...something else. Im really confused about that.

Odd cell structure. Impromptu? Or is this whole room just modular. Cause its WAY too big to house just this many prisoners. Im getting the feeling this is impromtu, yeah.

Schnee thinks hes getting out, sucker. 

Mad props to the Atlas soldier for the brutality. NOW HIT HIM AGAIN.  Robyns smirk gives me life.

And Qrow suggests Operation Valkyrie. Im down. Ironwoods proven useless at this point, maybe his replacement will be more tactically viable.

Alright, Atlas has pulled all military forces out of Mantle. Guess that means Ash and CAMO would be out too. Officially anyway. Making note for future threads...

Cute about the news guy, but I LOVE the fact you can hear the former masculinity in May’s voice here, like she isnt fully finished transitioning. If its intentional, bravo. If not, still cool.

“Its time to show your teeth, Mantle.”  HELL FUCKING YES THATS THE KINDA SHIT IVE BEEN WANTING TO HEAR!

Ah and there’s the hoverbikes from the teasers. I really dont get why they’re so goddamn big. Surely you can miniatruize hovertech...right?

They’re big enough to have weapons installed IMO. They should have.

Ah okay here’s the rest of the trailer

Hey look more lesbians. Boy that one on the left is MAD.

I cannot believe these Grimm are dumb enough to not go AROUND the dropwall (and Im going to call it that until I get something else, its literally the equipment from Halo Infinite’s release trailer). I get Grimm are dumb but damn bro.

Ah okay, THATS the split. All the faunus live in the slums down in the crater. Mantle proper is the mid-level, and then Atlas is humans for the most part. As far as I can tell anyway. Literal stratification. 

Ugh, that whole conversation was so expositiony. Jesus fucking christ.

Holy shit this crews moving slow. Like, good fucking lord.

Personaly headcanon; that tiny fox toy Oscar rides past on his bike is later retreived by Ash. That is actually his bootprint on it too oddly enough.

Unity in this situation, Ozpin? Not likely. What you need is miltiary intervention and firepower.

Still not sure why there’s smokestacks in Mantle if everything on Remnant runs on Dust. Maybe its steam vents for the heating system.

So the Crater is literally a divide. Like a circular diamond mine or one of those “rabbit hole” gold ones. Literal wall holding its outside. 

Snowshoe Shipping. New company. Full autonomous workforce from the looks of it. SDC related of course. And its still running despite everything. The drones here are literally AKs. Motherfucker, I think I know where the idea for them came from. SDC literally just weaponized its fucking worker robots. 

And apperently Dust is refined in the Crater. Okay that makes sense. Does it come from outside or are they still mining it there I wonder.

Oh pnumatic elevator. STEALING THAT

“That isn’t relevant at the moment.” WAY TO DODGE THE QUESTION RT. YEAH BECAUSE THERES TOTALLY NOT OTHER COMPANIES OUT THERE RIGHT?

What the fuck happened to Penny? Did becoming the Maiden make her emo?

Lol yeah people are gonna die, its WAR Penny, eat shit and get over it. Fucking weaklings...

Your the maiden. Get over it. Go kill some people, you’ll feel better. Relish in power.

And Weiss is now dead from either pressure shock, thermobaric style lung implosion, forceful impact, or just being crushed flat. Oh, and asphyxiation.  Seriously that was the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life. REALLY NORA.

Oh hey, a banjo in the crater. It really is hicksville.

Fire dust crystals right into a metal container to keep it  going. Holy shit it only took us 8 seasons to see Dust used physically again...

Sheep nom map. Nom nom. 

Wonder who this Crimson she mentioned is.

Lil hops. Oh no shes too cute.  Also it seems Mantle is divided into sectors. Useful information. Wonder what designates them.

Hahahah Fiona’s uncles a mole XD

And good to know “crap” is a swearword on Remnant.

Sounds like Crimson is a person with the Huntress’s. With his accent Im going to personally imagine his a grizzled former veteran, like Sergeant Stacker from Halo.

Note; the map says “Mantle City”. Interesting. Wonder what the other option is. Crater?

Ohhh and a spudmasher. Wait...no thats not a grenade. Some kind of gravitational surge thing. Again. Okay seriously RT is it so hard to just make a FUCKING WEAPON? Nothing fancy, no special features, just something that kills the fucking enemy. 

Okay...what the hell. Those Grimm cleared out like they got a retreat signal...

Ohho whats this now...this thing looks a LOT more interesting. And SAVAGE. Damn, its beating the SHIT out of Oscar! I think I like this one.

It transforms. Like the Zeta Gundam. FASCINATING. So it must have a rapid transport/assault form of the original dog one then changes to this new one for close in? Or carrying I guess, its stealing Oscar. This must be the thing that Salem sent.

Yeah kinda looks like a werewolf.

Soooo why were they just standing there watching this thing beat up on him? It was open for a couple of seconds. Surely it cant be they were worried about Oscar, the best thign to do if an enemy is grappling your friend is to get in and take advantage of it. 

Its smart too, used Oscar as a meatshield. Apperently just long enough to distract Yang and then yeet her. 

Its got ONE HAND with Oscar in it you idiots, hit it all at once! Go for the legs and the other arm, knock it down, blow its head off. COME ON, its OBVIOUS.

Oh hey it talked. Good. That means it can probably feel pain.

There is no way those legs should work like that. They’re too small and its torsos the wrong shape. This things breaking physics. 

The arms are also way too long.

Also why are you just standing there watching it grow wings? Kill the fucking thing already.  Gotta admit the movement and screaming makes me think it feels pain. Interesting. Good to know.  That or its just body horror/squick.

And thats the episode. I like how Fiona calls them “kids” though shes probably about their age. 

[marithlizard]

Thoughts on RWBY v8c1, “Divide”

Summary: Much as expected!   Top-notch animation and imagery, terrifying plot, sloppy writing.

(I am just going to have to accept that RWBY no longer cares if details make sense, or are strictly in character, as long as they lead to Something Cool.  Which is frustrating! I’ve never been particularly a fan of most of the big story franchises for precisely that reason  -  I want a canon text that holds up to my obsessively analytic fangirl scrutiny.)

(Yes OKAY I know, they sent a dog through the mail way back in v2 and that should’ve been a clue, but the plot holes didn’t get big enough to actually annoy me until v5-v6. And I still love my favorite characters so I’m going to have to suck it up.  Onward to the episode!)

CINDER BACKSTORY ALERT

Oh, now that's a lovely transition,  present-day Cinder’s nails scratching in time with past-Cinder’s scrubbing of the floor. 

Damn it, Neo, you should not be here. You're not evil enough for  this crowd no matter how many people you may have killed.  And you know it, from that look of fear.  Roman would be yelling at you to run.

Did they - are those the murderwhale's gills?  Turned into landing pads for small airships? And those are teeth. Salem's throne room/bridge is in its mouth. So cool.

Credit? No, you  don't get credit,  Neo. That's not how this works.

Oh,  no. No, Emerald, don't - yeah.  

I love the weird biomagical-Grimm technology Salem uses.  It pulsates.  Of course it pulsates.

"Without you I am nothing".  I still don't think Cinder is delivering that line sincerely, not one bit.  She just knows the situation. 

And Salem just shoos them away with a little wave of her fingers, go away minion-flies.   There are only two players in the entire world as far as she's concerned.  Only two people, really.  Humanity 2.0 doesn't count.

Oscar and Ozpin in a freezing little collection of hovels. Probably still the same quarry or mine they fell into.   Oh YAY reunion approximately 1000% sooner than anyone was predicting!  But...Oscar doesn't actually look relieved to see Ruby.

Yeah, he hasn't told them about Oz being back.  

So they've joined forces with the Huntresses, excellent. And May Marigold on top of things as dispatcher!

AWWWW Nora didn't bowl him over.  Hopefully it's not just that she has no exuberance in her, and she has actually picked up the clear signals that he doesn't like it.

Wanting to talk it out with Ozpin first is a good reason. Not done talking? You haven't even started.  But...it's going to make the others mad all over again, and this time they'll be mad at you, Oscar.  

Ozpin has had only two lines so far, but there's a different quality to his voice now.  I think they changed up the sound effect but it's more than that.  Oz used to always sound at least a bit smug and very self-assured.  Every trace of that is just...gone.  And Oscar himself is sounding very Oz-like, with the “every choice I’ve made has been the wrong one” angst.   I’m starting to really worry we will lose Ozpin this volume. :( 

Qrow and Robyn's arrest hasn't been publicized.  But their pictures are gone from the wanted mug shots.  Arrested or dead seem obvious conclusions - I guess they're too afraid of the second to make any guesses.

Ironwood's rationale last season for stopping the Mantle evacuations was that they were going to raise Atlas so there wasn't time.  But that no longer applies, Atlas can't be raised without Penny.   So he's just decided their lives aren't worth spending resources on.  Which makes me wonder what's happened to the Mantle residents who have already been evacuated.   Being warehoused somewhere in poor conditions with no one having a clue what to do with them?  We probably won't find out. It's not the kind of detail RWBY is good at following up on, unfortunately.

Huh.  I see the logic of the crater being warm and centralized...but when Salem attacks Atlas they're going to be directly underneath.  

Ouch, that photograph and broken luggage are effective. I may have complaints about the writing but RWBY's storyboarders and animators do a stellar job.

Speaking of which, apparently we really ARE handwaving physics and major  engineering projects so that Amity can be launched with Pietro's knowhow and a  roll of duct tape.  The only requirement is to push the equivalent of the big green button on a computer.  

AND Ruby wants to go ahead with telling the world about Salem?  Despite it having been acknowledged last volume that there would be global chaos and Grimm invasions?  Ironwood's plan to "lend forces"  after the fact was hopelessly inadequate and would have killed millions.  Now there's no plan for  aid at all.  

ARGH - hm.  Well.  I guess I do see Ruby's point about feeling obligated to warn everyone Salem's army is on the move.  But what defense can anyone else in the world mount?  Atlas is the only place with a real army anyway.   And the Beacon footage already triggered waves of despair and Grimm, I don't think Lionheart was lying about that.   Ruby's plan just means people will die sooner.   I'm with Yang, they should help Mantle and concentrate on fighting  Salem here and now.

...wait,is Yang rebelling?  Just like that?  Is it v6c2 all over again with even less buildup?  Ooh, no, because  Ruby's not alone. It's a genuine party split.

Oh god, someone explain to Penny that she must stay out of Salem's clutches at all costs.  That's a frightening level of naivete.  In fact, they should be getting Penny the fuck out of Atlas and as far away as possible.

RNBWP and YJOR,  Rainbow-P and, er,  hm, the fandom will doubtless come up with a better name than "Orgy".  An interesting breakdown.  I'm just glad they were able to do it peacefully. (Although Nora sounds salty in the extreme and Ren looks betrayed.)

I'm just going to assume Pietro disabled the tracking on their scrolls, and that James can't find them using this phone call.

Oh, Ironwood.   That is...not remotely convincing.  But you think of her as a little kid still, one who was always eager to please before.

He's got a valid point from  his chess-game perspective, it's true.  If Salem gets all four relics, Remnant really is doomed.  (He doesn't know about the summoning-gods clause, but even without that she could reshape the planet).  But raising Atlas to keep it safe while she rains down destruction on the rest of the world is not a viable plan either morally or strategically.  

Annd we cut to the Ace Ops without hearing Ruby's answer. Ace Ops looking variously depressed, impassive, and pissed off.

..er.  Clover IS dead, right?  Must be, or he'd be covered in IVs and monitors, but that we're standing in a medical facility next to Winter getting treatment makes it seem  ambiguous. That's pretty cruel to the FairGame shippers, c'mon, they've suffered enough.

I wish I hadn't learned about the robot arm, because it would've been a nicely shocking reveal.  It's not Pietro's  work, James.  Pietro left you and you'll be reminded of that every time you clench your inferiorly-made fingers.

Oof, Winter is tied to Ironwood by his sincere gratitude, as well as duty and loyalty.  That bond is going to be tested further.

Okay the Councilors are acting like idiots. Martial law is a terrible idea 99% of the time. But when you have an massive Grimm army, a flying murderwhale and the queen of evil on your doorstep might be a reasonable time to contemplate the 1%.    

did you - did you just kill a councillor

please tell me that was a warning shot

Harriet and Winter both have "my boss is going round the twist fast, oh shit" looks on their faces.  And they exchanged a glance there.

And we end with the scene from the trailer of Salem ordering a flying monkey-bloodhound to fetch Oscar.  She's talking to the lamp - I wonder if Jinn can hear?  Probably not, it was definitely implied she was waking up from sleep in v6c2.

New opening!  I've already commented on the dramatic title card of the others "turning their backs" on Ruby.   Ooh,  Clover's shadow is going to hang long over this season, apparently!  And - whoa,  THAT'S an unexpected juxtaposition of characters.

Are they going to team up? Is Harriet going to break Qrow out of prison,  yell at him to stop being a lump and avenge Clover?   Definite teamup for him and Robyn, unsurprising but good.  (I don't think romance is in the cards for Qrow this volume, it'll be wall-to-wall doom, but for the record anyone who can give this man a happy ending is okay by me.)

It's just not looking good for Oscar and Oz at all.  :(    

Whitley and Willow in the credits!   Yes please, they both have so much potential to grow out of Jacques' shadow.

Watts, you smug little fucker.   Smug tall fucker. You know what I mean. Oh no - he’s going to hijack Ruby’s broadcast from Amity.  It’ll be like Beacon but worse. That’s such a horrible idea that it is now my official prediction. 

Interesting use of mirrors here.

That little glance between Yang and Ruby suggests they won't truly come to enmity, thank goodness.  

I wonder if there's something significant in the relative positioning of Emerald and Mercury.  Is he going to rise higher in Salem's ranks while she and Neo are reluctant, and possibly team up to escape? 

"Some lives will end much too soon,some evil will never ever die"  YES THANK YOU CASEY AND JEFF WE GET IT

Oh MY.  RWBY falling into deep water just like Cinder, with golden sparkles that sure do make it seem a lot like the buried GoL pool of creation. The staff floating above out of reach.  Is this hinting at an unwelcome transformation of some  kind?  

Scribbly outlines of weapons and Grimm and Penny, her colors changing.  "HAPPY EVER AFTER" being crossed out and replaced by "HAPPY NEVER AGAIN".  

hello yes I'm scared for the entire team, you can stop any time now.

[flappingbrickwings]

Code zero

Hi friends! Holy shit, right? 

Based on the current state of my neck (i.e., seized up on one side like an engine without oil), I’m pretty sure my subconscious mind is spending all the time worrying about the both the short term (i.e., people we love might die) and long-term (i.e., every we know might be completely fucked) implications of this still-pretty-fucking-new new world order, and I imagine yours is too. But I’m finding great comfort in the stories from all over the world of people pulling together to help each other, as well as those of the “penguins touring the aquarium” variety. So rather than cracking another “I may never wear a bra again” joke or telling a “wow, turns out I’m really bad at second grade math” tale, here’s a completely unrelated story that involves me humiliating myself again (bonus points on this one for also traumatizing my closest friends) in the hopes that it might take your mind off things for a minute or two. Please enjoy.

Take yourself back to a simpler time: February 2020, when my primary concerns included how to get two kids to overlapping soccer games, whether to go to Din Tai Fung or Damon’s for dinner, and if I should invest in a new pair of checkered Vans or throw caution to the wind and buy the python print ones. My three best ladies and I had planned a much-needed spa day. Much-needed because, despite all our high hopes, 2020 had already not gotten off to a fantastic start (I know, I know), and because life is hard, and because we’re all busy (correction: we were all busy) and only get together sans hanger-oners (spouses, children, dogs) once or twice a year at most. So we blocked out a whole day, a Sunday to be precise, all to ourselves. 

For weeks, months possibly (maybe even years), our iMessage thread was peppered with excited variations of “Calgon, take me away!” followed by counting down the sleeps, until at last our day arrived.

We piled into my friend Allison’s car (actually her husband’s truck because her sister was in all seriousness almost fucking killed in a car accident two days before and her miraculous survival and minimal injury was attributed to her sturdy Toyota pickup – see previous comment re: 2020) at 9am, rolling in deep athleisurewear (Rebecca was particularly impressive in head to toe Adidas, prompting her 13 year-old son to ask her not to get out of the car when she dropped him off at baseball practice that morning - rude) and cackled our way out to the spa. Upon arrival we checked in and donned our squishy bathrobes. Robyn and I also downed a mimosa. We discussed, with some disdain, how we would definitely not be using the plastic phone case necklaces provided to all patrons, presumably to enable easy selfie-taking (i.e., free marketing for the spa). We would not, we assured each other, be taking any bathing suit selfies, thank you very much. Then we hit the pools, feverish with excitement at all the hours of unbridled relaxation that lay ahead of us. 

We squeezed into the mineral tubs first, where we rubbed elbows with fellow bathers for the prescribed 20 minutes. Then we walked casually (as casually as one can walk in one’s bathing suit) to the next pool, which was shaded and infused with epsom salts, apparently. It was also quite crowded. It was also, unbeknownst to me, the hottest pool on the grounds. We found a spot near the stairs and soaked in the heat and saline for a while, still babbling excitedly, planning our route for the day. Around the time we started discussing lunch (the text-thread plan that morning was to “fuck up some nachos” when we got there), I also started looking around for something cooler than shade, feeling like I was maybe getting a wee bit hot. We agreed to move on. 

As soon as I stood up and started heading for the stairs, I felt it. That cold tingling sensation in my spine followed by a blurring on the edges of my vision. I remember looking over at the lounge chairs where we’d left our stuff, which were probably about 15 feet away but felt to me at that moment a thousand miles out of my reach, and thinking to myself, “Just get to the chair and put your head between your legs.” My brain screamed, Be cool, bitch! I even managed to say to my friends, “I feel a little bit like I might pass out.” 

And then I passed the fuck out. On the concrete. In my bikini. In front of about 5,000 people.

The worst thing about fainting is that you wake up with no idea what’s going on, wondering how you managed to have an impromptu nap in whatever random location you happen to find yourself in. You may remember my tattoo shop incident a few years ago, which was equally humiliating. That time I woke up lying on a tattoo table vaguely confused about what was happening. 

This time, I woke up to complete pandemonium. 

I was in the vicinity of the lounge chair I’d been aiming for, but not on it. Rebecca and Robyn were propping me up by my neck and elbow (I think – there may have been a leg involved) while some guy named Brian, who I suspected was a cop but who turned out to be a particularly dedicated spa employee, threw cold water in my face. My friend Allison was running around in her bathrobe screaming, “A phone! A phone! I need a phone!” at anyone who would listen, while another spa employee with a radio kept saying, “Code zero!” and several unfamiliar women in bathing suits were shouting my name and some other things I couldn’t understand in my general direction. (These kindly bathers turned out to be nurses who had jumped out of the pool when I dropped, as my husband would say, like a bag of shit. Bless them.) 

My first thought was, “Wow, how did I fall asleep in all this excitement?” followed closely by, “Wow, what is all this excitement about?” And hot on the heels of that thought came the realization that - oh, hey, it’s me. Clearly, I hadn’t made it to the lounge chair in time. I almost fainted again when I heard someone nearby announce excitedly, “The paramedics are on their way!” Fortunately, Robyn’s alter ego, Reggie, took over at that point, holding her hands up and saying, in the manner of one totally in control of the situation and not, as she actually was, freaking the fuck out, “Hold on, hold on – she has a history of fainting. She does this. Let’s just give her a minute.” 

Moments later another spa employee rolled up with a wheelchair and I really thought I would die. As Brian, Rebecca, and Robyn, my “triangle of support,” discussed how to best transfer me to said wheelchair (sidenote: Rebecca later informed me that it turns out I weigh 250 lbs when unconscious), Robyn casually leaned down and said, in a voice so low not a soul but me could hear, “Wait, before you stand up – did you shit yourself?” 

Friends, friends. My wish for you is this: I hope you have someone (or three) in your life who, should you ever pass out in a crowded public place wearing only a bikini, will have the foresight to tell your to check yourself in case you wrecked yourself before you stand up in front of a gawking crowd. If you accomplish nothing else in life, let me tell you – this is something. 

I looked up at her, a little bewildered, and said, “I have no idea.” 

Spoiler alert: I didn’t shit myself. (Who says I have bad luck?) I was successfully transferred to the wheelchair. Someone (probably Brian) gave me two cups of cold water and told me to put my hands in them, which was surprisingly effective at waking me up. We were whisked off to the “medical room,” which turned out to be a closet housing an industrial ice machine, with an examination table and one folding chair. After reluctantly answering some questions (I was still convinced Brian was a cop – don’t ask me why, maybe lack of oxygen to the brain?), a giant plate of nachos appeared as if by magic and we were escorted via several wrong turns, which meant doubling back to pass curious spa-goers for the third or fourth time, to a small private dining area that was shady and quiet. Brian pushed the wheelchair, Robyn, Rebecca, and Allison followed, and the guy carrying the nachos brought up the rear.

Did I mention, this all took place within half on hour of our arrival? So yeah, kind of put a damper on the hours of unbridled relaxation. 2020 is really not fucking around. (Also, did I mention this is not the first time I fainted at a spa? Last time it was at Burke Williams in Hollywood and I was wearing a bathrobe with nothing underneath when I keeled over in the co-ed waiting room. No triangle of support.)

So, however worried you are about the current state of affairs, just remember – one day we’ll all be back out there in the world, standing within six feet other humans and being grateful we didn’t shit our pants in public. And if we’re lucky, being escorted by a plate of nachos.  

You’re welcome. 

My triangle of support - that day, and every day.

[riverstardis]

home for christmas:

it’s christmas eve!

noel’s asking people what he should get honey for christmas

ooo charlie’s found cal’s birth mum and gives him her address. i still don’t get how he managed to do that without discovering that cal had had a different name? because you’d think he would’ve told him if he had found that out?

cal says that his birth mum is the only person in the world who can answer all his question which i guess is technically true because SOME of his questions only she could answer but like even if he doesn’t want to talk to his dad he has aunties who could probably answer some of them

cal talks charlie into going with him to see her

dylan’s first dog mabel ate 10 bars of chocolate and died on christmas day😭😭

charlie’s earliest memory is his mum running away because a wasp

cal says he thought his earliest memory was ethan in his pram and him and his mum singing to him at london bridge but now they’re outside emilie’s house he thinks he remembers it

i mean it makes sense that he would remember because he must’ve been at least 4 but most likely 5 or older when they went into care (because emilie talks about when he was 4 and ethan 2 but that’s only a period of about 2.5 months so for him to have been 4 it would’ve had to have been very soon after that holiday she talks about which seems unlikely). like he would’ve been in school already

i’m guessing the reason cal doesn’t remember being adopted at all despite being an age which people can usually remember from is because it would’ve been a massively traumatic event combined with the fact that clearly it was never mentioned by their parents. that does make me wonder though whether their parents actually intended to keep them being adopted a secret or whether they just assumed that cal at least would remember and then it just never came up so they didn’t realise that they didn’t know

i feel like surely someone at some point would’ve mentioned something that would’ve made him wonder though because surely other people around him would remember things like him having changed schools like what about year 6 leavers someone mentions the fact that cal had only moved to that school in year 1 or 2 but he doesn’t remember why. at that point if he’d asked his parents anything like that they must’ve lied about the reason. so maybe they did decide to keep it a secret but maybe only when they realised that cal didn’t remember

emilie’s carer thinking they’re there to take over from her😬

“it’s just me and my brother. my adoptive mum, she passed away. i haven’t seen my father in forever” he says adoptive like he can just beam who he is into her brain without having to say it😭😭

this patient’s kid who’s deffo autistic is talking to dylan and lofty goes to jack “it’s like the before and after” SKDKFKFK HE’S NOT WRONG

“charlie, look in on her, watch her movements, tell me what you think she has” “i don’t need to” “you knew?” “not until i saw her. the chorea movements, the dystonia, her speech” “she’s got huntington’s, charlie” “yeah” and so it begins😭

ah the carer comes back saying her cover called in sick so who the hell are they and cal tells her he’s a doctor but he’s also emilie’s son and she’s like oh you’re one of the boys? and cal’s like there were two of us? well at least something useful’s come out of today😭 and she figures he’s the oldest (idk how lmao) so he must be steven and his brother’s michael and cal’s like oh well it’s cal and ethan in the adopted world and she’s like ohh posh names

iain accidentally sends a sext to robyn instead of rita lmaooo😭😭😭😭

“50/50 chance she’s passed it on, isn’t there? that means me, or ethan, has got it, it’s almost a guarantee”😢

ooh jac mention

cal was trying to leave because he’s angry that emilie didn’t let them know about the huntingtons but her carer tells him that she tried and threatens to report them for being imposters if he doesn’t speak to her sjskdjf

“i found your adoptive parents. i tried writing to them, i didn’t know what to say. i tried ringing, i couldn’t speak” “why not?” “this was the woman who got to keep my boys. and here was me, ringing to tell them they may have an incurable disease”😢

“yeah but we needed to know” “really? because there’s very little can be done. once it starts, it starts. worrying about when it starts, that’s the real torture. living with the threat of it hanging over you. i decided to spare you both that”

“steven!” “my name’s cal” “do you get my point? now you know, now you wish you didn’t” i mean she has a point. cal’s angry now but then he does the same to ethan, and then ethan’s angry at cal but then does the same to fenisha

aww jacob offering to take robyn’s christmas shift so he can see connie because she’s also working

ethan meets cal in the pub and asks him how his day was and cal’s like “not great” understatement of the year😭 and ethan’s like “yeah well that’s last minute christmas shopping for you” ethan no😭

cal’s like “ethan…” as if he’s about to tell him but trails off and ethan waits a few moments for him to carry on but notices he looks like he’s been crying and asks if he’s alright and cal doesn’t say anything again so ethan’s like “matilda? it gets me as well. here’s to her, caleb. merry christmas”😢😢 it’s interesting how ethan assuming that the reason cal’s so upset is because of matilda here is then paralleled with everyone assuming the reason he’s so upset after he got his positive test is because of emilie’s death

cal’s fully crying now😭😭😭

lmaoo dylan got lofty a hairbrush for secret santa

lmaoo dylan and lofty listening to a christmas carol together and dylan tries to turn it off before the end because he thinks the ending’s silly but lofty’s like err no and playfully hits his hand with the hairbrush when he tries to pause it🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[angstymarshmallow]

A Robyn Tinsley MC Playlist

Brave. Bold. Adventurous. Silly. Impulsive. Kind. Rash. Optimistic. Idealistic.

These are only some of the words her friends often uses to describe her. Robyn appreciates and welcomes the sentiments, but she doesn’t know when it comes down to it if these truly define who she really is. She thinks its easier to allow music to paint the bigger picture, to guide her through a path of memories in figuring it out herself.

 The Truth -  Kris Allen ft. Pat Monahan 

Tryin' to be perfect Tryin' not to let you down, yeah Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now, yeah While the floors underneath our feet are crumbling The walls we built together tumblin' I still stand here holdin' up the roof 'Cause it's easier than telling the truth.

The darkest moments of Robyn’s life stem from moments she had no control over. Memories of disappointments that hadn’t destroyed the spark she had inside her, but made it difficult for her to find that spark in the first place.

It came after tight-lipped conversations around a tense dinner-table with a dimly lit centerpiece in the middle, serving as the only distraction from parents that won’t as much as look at each other. 

It came after empty promises from all the missed dance recitals and pep rallies where she’d often look for them in a crowd. 

It came after all the detentions as a last ditch effort for them to notice her. 

It came when she realized, she couldn’t keep being their little girl anymore. Smiling while their lives crumbled around them. She had to accept the truth that happiness is easier when you aren’t pretending.

-

Just the Way I Am - Skye Sweetnam 

I’m sly Unpredictable... I'm nearly irresistible And I don't even try I'm easily excitable, Completely undeniable, And sometimes unreliable.

She doesn’t think she’s like everyone else. 

She never has been and never will be. Acting out and being branded the weird pretty kid was her normal. She shrugged off the petty whispers after slamming her locker shut in the mornings, and placed all her pent-up emotions in dancing, in ballet. 

They weren’t whispering then. Their eyes were hooked on her every move. And every turn, every extend slender arm and leg into a spin brought along with them - gratitude and uncanny friendships.

And those who had often misunderstood her, when she made her own rules as she flitted by either stepped aside or followed behind her. Although disobeying brought its own sets of problems. Mostly landing her in detention; slumped over and listening till it was time to go - making un-ordinary plans became her specialty. 

Budapest - George Ezra

Give me one good reason Why I should never make a change And baby if you hold me Then all of this will go away 

My friends and family They, don't understand They fear they'd lose so much If you take my hand

Staying in one place isn’t Robyn.

Her parents are hafly to blame for her being this way. Restless, impulsive and rash. Making her often choose between - often switching schools that only leaves a trail of heartbreaks and ex-friends behind her.  

It’s molded her, made her unafraid to pursue even the most unthinkable. 

And after abandoning the pursuit of her passion, she bustles tables while watching through darkened windows in downtown New York. Hoping for something more. Longing for something more. Adventure, adventure whispers to her ears and travels along the length of her body when propositioned for a chance to see the world.

She never hesitates - only takes the stranger’s hand with renewed enthusiasm before not-so-subtlety yelling she quits as she strides quickly out the front door. 

She’s finished with the same old things, her body buzzes with the prospect of more. She’s already packed before the strike of midnight and doesn’t look back once she’s safely out of view, and everything she’s ever known disappears from in front of her.

Dog Days Are Over - Florence + the Machine

Happiness, hit her like a train on a track Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back

Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back Struck from a great height By someone who should know better than that 

She’s happy. 

She’s never expected to be so happy in a country where nothing is familiar and the people are so different from herself. She wants to experience as much as possible in the little she has left. Although she’s always believed in looking at the brighter side of things, as whimsical as she may be, her attitude in a hostile environment forces her to be practical. 

Betrayal and double-crossing are things that comes along with being in the presence of nobles, and that happiness threatens to crack altogether. It’s even more obvious she doesn’t belong when she knows she can’t win the prince’s hand - how can she whens he isn’t in love with him? She’s never wanted to be in love with him.

The adventure keeps her grounded, keeps her from spiraling with its diversions and sneaking off with the prince’s best friend becomes the only peace she’s ever known. A snarky and grumpy of a man that she can’t stand or not stand is confusing along with their midnight trips to watch the stars. 

Are they capable of being more than a few moments alone? Are they capable of loving each other?

Neither her nor him can answer that question, at least not yet.

Halo - Beyonce

Feels like I've been awakened Every rule I had you break it The risk that I'm taking I'm never gonna shut you out 

You're everything I need and more It's written all over your face Baby, I can feel your halo Pray it won't fade away

Every moment Robyn spends with Drake has been another moment where the competition hadn’t mattered, where nothing else mattered. The only thing that does is having his eyes on her, his lips on her skin and listening to his heartbeat in sync with hers; echoing the foolish little thoughts of more.

As though she’s been asleep this entire time; smiling and posing for the camera - putting on a grand show for the public, with Drake it’s never been simpler. She doesn’t have to pretend to be more than what she is. He accepts her. 

At first, it doesn’t even seem feasible - what are they risking? Is it worth shattering the heart of someone else? Can they be happy willfully breaking someone else?

She knows he feels, he’s admitted things would be easier if they’d never hated each other. And it would be - if they’d never spent weeks and months of knowing the little things until the little things, became big things.

But she can’t deny it. 

Every glance her way sears her, burns through the uncertainty and the ghost of regret fades with every words they exchange - whispered urgently in between silken kisses near the moonlight. It’s the only moments when she’s feels alive, truly awake in Cordonia. 

And while she knows he’s deeply torn between her and the prince; it means everything that he’d give it all for her.

Royals - Lorde

And we'll never be royals It don't run in our blood That kind of lux just ain't for us We crave a different kind of buzz

All the pretty little things she’s never wanted is now hers. The title still startles her - duchess? Why her? Why should be responsible for so much in such little time?

It’s terrifying, and thrilling all at once. She’s never wanted to belong somewhere before and has never felt as torn as she does now. 

She recognizes that things will change; being royalty is going to change her. She’s afraid in a few short months she won’t be able to recognize the native New Yorker that first arrived in Cordonia months ago. 

But does everything have to change? Can she still be Robyn in Cordonia? She still wants the same things, to make the same silly decisions she could before becoming a Duchess.

The indecision doesn’t stay, with one encouraging whisper and his eyes locked on hers, she thinks she’ll be okay. He’ll ground her - he’ll keep her honest and unafraid. She doesn’t fear anymore that she’ll become like them - another member of court that doesn’t mind sacrificing their humanity for power.

They both crave more, they both crave difference and she hopes being royalty won’t change what matters. It can’t change what matters.

Tell Him - Lauryn Hill

Let me be patient let me be kind Make me unselfish without being blind Though I may suffer, I'll envy it not And endure what comes Cause he's all that I got and tell him

Although it has never felt easy or simple but rather complicated with Drake, Robyn sometimes has to remind herself to be patient. Their moments of in betweens have meant far too much to her to throwaway with a long-winded argument or quick bursts of frustrations. And while they sometimes still worry, their inexplicable connection to each other reminds her that all their struggles are worth it. And despite their differences, somehow they have always fit together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

But it's not the same without you Because it takes two to whisper quietly The silence isn't so bad 'Til I look at my hands and feel sad 'Cause the spaces between my fingers Are right where yours fit perfectly

It wouldn’t be the same, living without him. 

That’s what Robyn thinks now that she’s found someone she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Someone that doesn’t run from her ideas but takes her hand while hiding a smile through a scowl, muttering it’s stupid anyway.

And every touch that lingers; fingers sliding without hesitation to meet one another - the spark that she has, she feels it in him too. They recognize each other’s likeness and she can’t help but think that taking the flight to Cordonia turned out to be the best impulsive decision she’s ever had.

@choices-mc-rules

[juangallojongaro]

Best of 2018

Anna Birch – “Belle Isle” What starts as a slide-guitar-country-crooner transitions into a rockabilly bridge before settling back into sentiment. A heartbreakingly earnest and beautiful love song about moving to a new place and meeting a new person. I saw Birch open for Speedy Ortiz last summer, watched a young couple slow dance to the song, and started crying a little bit. After Birch sang the closing lyric, beginning with “we danced to that song/twice in a row,” she was exhorted by Speedy Ortiz lead singer Sadie Dupuis to play the song again. She didn’t; I wish she had.

Big Red Machine – “Melt” I was introduced to this song because it was the theme song to a podcast about the disastrous 1996 U.S. Men’s National Soccer Team (find that excellent pod here), and found the chanting rising “when you are who you are” sort of mesmerizing. The lyrics are obtuse (much like the entire project, a collab between Justin Vernon and one of the Dressners from the National where they dress like Mad Max Kanye [which, what the fuck]). It is a good time to hear Vernon scream “YOU KNOW IT’S A STRUGGLE, IT’S A KIND OF DEBACLE” like he’s Jim Ross calling a particularly exciting Attitude Era WWE match. A slobberknocker!

boygenius – “Me & My Dog” Politically, 2018 will go down as the Year of Woman as female candidates ran and won in historic numbers in the midterms. In a less historic achievement, it was the Year of the Woman in my best of list, where female fronted or involved projects carried 12 of 18 spots. 2018 was the year when the majority of the best rock records were made by women, and few put out better albums that the three headed monster supergroup, boygenius. “Me & My Dog” is the best track on their superlative self-titled LP. The first third starts with simple orchestration and Phoebe Bridgers’ voice followed by Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker swooning swelling harmonies until the song kicks into another gear in the middle before crescendoing higher and higher until the punchline and plaintive lyric “I wanna be emaciated.” The album version is great, but the live versions best capture the catharsis. boygenius is my favorite new band of the year.

Damien Jurado – “Percy Faith” Shouts to my dude Kit who made sure that I checked out this album, the first I’ve listened to from Mr. Jurado’s enormous discography. While I find the sheer size of that discography pretty intimidating, this song is approachable—a time traveling track about big band leaders, hostage situations, and being on your phone too much. Wry lyrics delivered with a straight face (see, “I am writing from Seattle/Where they now have put a trademark on the rain”) are the star of the show, but the soaring strings and noodling organ sustain multiple listens.

Father John Misty – “Date Night” It shambles, it Jaggers, it oozes confidence in both senses of the word. Ooze is correct, and I wouldn’t be shocked if FJM revealed the swirling synths were covered with cheap, greasy pomade. It’s the best song on great record that’s funny (“I’ll get you ice cream if you give me a card”) and propulsive enough to close a set. God’s Favorite Customer was a return to form after the solipsistic bloat of the second half of Pure Comedy. Here’s hoping he remains in poem zone going forward.

illuminati hotties – “(You’re Better) Than Ever” Too precious by half but catchy as hell, “(You’re Better) Than Ever” was the song that I listened to the most despite of my better judgment. It’s a straight forward rocker about an ex that’s doing better than you are. Problem is the song is delivered with a smile instead of a sneer, and the mean lyrics don’t match the sweet delivery. Still, the surf rock drums and harmonies are great. More importantly: illuminati hotties is the best new band name of the year.

Jeff Rosenstock – “Yr Throat” SEE BELOW

Lucy Dacus – “Night Shift” Without question, the SONG OF THE YEAR. One third of the boygenius titanic triumvirate, Dacus’s anthem starts in a diner with a two-timing ex and ends with a division of the city by time of day. Dacus knows that she isn’t necessarily being practical, but she’s emotionally unreasonable and raw. Quiet/loud that would leave Black Francis and Kim Deal taking notes, the last two minutes are sad and soaring, roaring and resigned.

Mitski – “Nobody” Mitski made the leap this year, basically the music business version of 2018 Brewers slugger Christian Yelich. Like Yelich, Mitski had flashed elite tools in prior years but never quite put it all together (somehow this is Mitski’s first official appearance on my list; honorable mention only in 2015). In 2018, things changed with the New York City songstress dropping Be the Cowboy, the audio equivalent of Yelich’s monstrous .326/.402/.598 (w/ 36 dingers and 22 bags!) 2018 line. Mitski took home album the year from a number of publications and Yelich was the National League MVP. “Nobody” is the basically Yelich’s mega-game from August 29 where he went 6 for 6 and hit for the cycle, helping the Brewers pull out a one run win over the Reds. A slinking disco home run, the song showed Mitski feels both seamless and like five different songs at once. Excellent delivery, danceable and delectable. I’m seeing her in April, right around Opening Day. If you’re looking for me, I’ll be the one leading the MVP chants.

Pusha T – “If You Know You Know” The best of Kanye’s bizarre 2018 productions (the less said about Mr. West at this point, the better), Push’s irresistible ode to (what else, literally what else?) having once dealt cocaine was so good it convinced me for about three weeks that Kanye was back. Also, apparently Pusha T beefed with Drake this year; I’m okay with that.

Robyn – “Ever Again” SEE BELOW

Shannon Shaw – “Freddies ‘n’ Teddies” A brassy wall of sound missive from Shaw, a big voiced Californian who, I just discovered, fronts an outfit called “Shannon and the Clams,” who also released an album in 2018. I’m concerned I should have picked a song by “Shannon and the Clams.” Alas, we’re not starting the new year with regret. “Freddies ‘n’ Teddies” is an excellent throwback jam. It’s a pearl.

Speedy Ortiz – “Lucky 88” Had a weird experience at the Speedy Ortiz show last summer—they went on at like 10:30 PM and played, like, my six favorite Speedy Ortiz songs in a row. At that point, I’d rode my bike to the show and realized a couple things: 1) it was a work night, and 2) I really didn’t want to hear any more of the songs. So, I left! Never done that before. Anyway, goes without saying that “Lucky 88” was one those songs. It’s very good of Speedy Ortiz to keep making Rilo Kiley records because I like Rilo Kiley! Tackling subject of gross dudes with interesting percussion and evocative and tongue-twisty lyrics lyrics (See, “Try and work in this town/without a silver spoon and foot in your mouth” and “One more time with reeling” and “I was born in the cold-clotted heart of the storm”) it’s a stand out track on a good record.

St. Vincent – “Fast Slow Disco” Technically a remix of the “Slow Disco” off of 2017 Album of the Year, MASSEDUCTION, the new version improves on the original in every way. On Twitter, Annie Clark wrote that she “always felt this song could wear many different outfits and live many different lives. here she is in disco pants, sweating on a new york dance floor.” Sweat and live it does, transformed from the original prayer to a fucking Pet Shop Boys song. It’s a banger, and continued proof that Clark is one of the best pop artists working.

Swearin’ – “Grow into a Ghost” There’s some Fleetwood Mac-y shenanigans going on with this band—basically, the two lead singers were dating and then broke up but then made this record. I don’t know; it’s not my business. This song is my business. With Allison Crutchfield leading the way with an excellent read on the lyrics, this pop punk potato chip isn’t particularly substance, but it is really good, crunchy, and with the right amount of salt.

Tranyanne and Danny – “O’Keeffe” There’s a swaying simplicity, putting you in mind of the Ben Folds Five at their most daydreamy with a dash of Broadway panache. Ostensibly about titular painter, it’s a duet that’s good for a slow dance with a dip or two.

U.S. Girls – “Incidental Boogie” You like art rock? U.S. Girls love art rock! It’s a feminist statement piece about (I think, I’m ready to be really wrong here) about domestic violence, BDSM, and empowerment that puts you in mind of The Knife’s masterpiece Silent Shout and maybe The Phantom Thread. It’s all over the place and I’m too thick to figure it out.

Young Gun Silver Fox – “Lenny” This 70’s cheese rock throwback is delicious trash. Essentially, it’s “One for My Baby (And One More for the Road)” if, 1981, someone commissioned Daryl Hall and Michael McDonald to write a yacht rock musical based on Frank Sinatra songs. I’m not saying this song is frozen pizza rolls—I’m saying it’s gourmet frozen pizza rolls that are filled with the finest heirloom tomato sauce, cured salumis, and aged cheeses. It’s stupid and it’s bad for you and I will eat a million of them.  

ALBUMS OF THE YEAR: Honey by Robyn and POST- by Jeff Rosenstock.

These are two very different albums. The lyrics are in English and no one, like, throat sings, but Rosenstock’s raw, claustrophobic punk and Robyn’s luscious electropop seem antithetical. Taken together, the two help me best explain what was like for me to be alive in 2018.

Dropped on New Year’s Day, POST- begins screaming, “Dumbfounded, downtrodden and dejected/Crestfallen, grief-stricken and exhausted/Trapped in my room while the house was burnin'/To the motherfuckin' ground.” Rosenstock captures just how fucking stressful it is to be living through the Trump Administration. The grift, the humanitarian horror, the callous and smirking racism, the grinding and clobbering indecency. He captures the paralysis and that feeling that it won’t get better, he won’t go way; “it’s not like any other job I know/If you’re a piece of shit they don’t let you go.”

There were so many times this year when I was struggling with something personal—anxiety, the stresses of my job, feeling mean or irritable and it would feel worse because President Diaper-Butt said something repugnant. The political stress and the personal stress fed each other.

On “Powerlessness”, Rosenstock sings “[s]o where can you go when the troubles inside you/Make your limbs feel like they're covered in lead?/How can you solve all the problems around you/When you can't even solve the ones in your head?” I struggled with this all year and basically defaulted to paralysis. Rostenstock put words to that ennui.

Rosenstock sang about feeling bad—Robyn sang about getting better. Her record starts in a similar place of psychic pain. It’s more mundane, a break up, but Robyn blows the heartbreak out into pop hits. On “Missing U,” she’s just as vulnerable and paralyzed as Rosenstock, “[c]an't make sense of all of the pieces/Of my own delusions/Can't take all these memories/Don't know how to use them.”

Over the course of the record, Robyn gets better. In interviews, she explained that she took the time to go through a couple years of psychotherapy (this is privilege; we all can’t take years off from work to sort out our shit—I can’t, Rosenstock certainly can’t) and emerges better—fully realized and in charge of herself. The two centerpieces of the second half of the album, the titular “Honey” and the finale, “Ever Again” are physical and optimistic. She put the work in and got better.

I tried to get better in 2019, as well. It was a mixed bag—lost a bunch of weight, gained it back. Bought a house and was driven half-crazy by the process. Got a promotion, lost some hard cases. But I really improved my mental health. I worked hard on being mindful and trying to feel better. I didn’t get all the way (unlike Roybn, I don’t feel like “I’m never gonna be brokenhearted ever again”), but I feel better than I did a year ago.

There’s going to be at least more years of the political degradation. I can’t control that. But both albums end on hopeful notes, expecting that things will get better. I don’t know if they will. But the emotion and message of these albums, make them the best of 2018.

[purplesurveys]

592

Let's start off with some basics. Cool, I haven’t started off a survey with basics in a while. What's your name? Robyn, but y’all who have stuck around for a while know that already. How old are you? 21. What's your hair and eye color? Hair’s black, eye color’s dark brown/black-ish. How tall are you? I’m pretty certain I’m 5′1. What's your relationship status? In one. Alright, enough of that. Let's move on to the random shit.

What's your favorite song? Uhhh at the moment it’s Sam Smith’s cover of Donna Summer’s I Feel Love. They did their own twist to it and it sounds incredible. It would probably take a bit to get used to in 2019, but once you warm up to the sound, the cover is just brilliant. What does that song mean? What is the message behind it? It’s a disco song, the lyrics just repeat for three straight minutes and is not supposed to be any deeper than ‘I feel love.’ Is it your favorite because you relate to it, or do you just like the beat? I love the beat, the sound, and what Sam offered to the song. Have any pets? If so, what are they and what's their names? Yes, I have a cute Santa Claus-outfit-wearing dog at the moment :)) His name is Kimi. Have you ever met your idol? I have never met Kristen Stewart, AJ Lee, Hayley Williams, nor Beyoncé. And I’d most likely pass even if there was a chance to meet any of them; I’m too afraid that I’d mess up in front of them. If so, were they nice or were they kind of an ass? What's your favorite method of gaming? (PC, Xbox, Playstation, etc) I don’t play a lot myself but I do enjoy watching games on Nintendo or Playstation consoles. If you're in college, what's your major and why did you pick it? I’m in journalism. I picked it because I thought it’s what I wanted to pursue back in high school. I was good at writing and loved telling stories, the obvious path was towards journ so I don’t hate myself or regret picking such a major. But through the years I’ve learned to hate it more and more though – my interests lie within public relations and advertising now, a complete 180 from the world of journalism. How're you doing today? A little too early to be asking that, it’s 7:43 in the morning. I do feel quite nice because classes ended up being suspended today due to the incoming typhoon, but otherwise it’s just mostly meh for now. What color are your bedroom walls? They’re white. Describe your favorite shirt. Right now my favorite shirt is a halter tank top I got for ₱50 at a small tiangge booth in Feliz, hahaha. I just wish I could wear it everyday without anyone judging because I look cute in it. Use this space to tell someone off. I don’t think anyone I know deserves that at the moment. What's your view on smart watches? Cool or a waste of money? Waste of money, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting one lmao. What is one poster that you have hanging on your bedroom wall of? I still have that damn poster of Nam Joo Hyuk up near my bed lol. I haven’t seen a k-drama since 2017, but I’m just too lazy to take it down. How many times have you moved in your life? That I can remember? Two. I think we moved a couple times more when I was an infant. If you moved, do you like where you are now better than where you were? It’s definitely more peaceful, quiet, and much much cleaner in our house; but there are days where I still miss having my cousins and grandma under the same roof. What's your favorite color and why? Pastel pink. It’s pleasant to the eyes and looks good on most stuff. My wallet,  purse, main school notebook, one of my highlighters, my phone case, clipboard, backpack, and shoulder bag are all that color hahahaha Do you have a calendar? If so, what's the theme? I have one on my phone; I don’t really need a physical one. No theme because I don’t think my phone allows me to customize my calendar anyway. Have any famous person's autographs? I have AJ’s from a signed poster that I bought like 5-6 years ago from WWEShop. Was never actually sure if she actually signed it but it’s always easier to believe that. Do you draw well? That’s the worst thing I can do, or try to do at that. What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8. Should you be doing anything else right now or are you just bored? I am actually supposed to be working on final requirements, but they’re all for my newspaper layout class and I cannot be ASSED to open Adobe InDesign and work on some dumb layout stuff right now. If you're in school/college, what's your favorite subject and why? This semester my favorite class is Kasaysayan 117, or Social History of the Philippines (‘Kasaysayan’ means history in Filipino). Social history veers away from the typical elite/heroes/war/colonization/what have you narratives that history books typically go with, and focuses instead on the developments of, say, gender, education, illnesses, and religion in the country. It basically focuses on the everyday life of the ordinary citizen, which I find more interesting and relatable than war stories. I certainly wish I can take this class more than once. Are you a cat or a dog person? Why? Dog person. They’re friendly and sweet and silly and will always stay by your side, which I love. I have never been able to connect with cats and finally at one point, trying just tired me out completely lmao HISS at me then, sis Tell me about the plot of your favorite book. Not my favorite, but definitely a memorable one – Scarlett O’Hara is in love with some dude named Leslie who’s married to his first cousin. Scarlett ends up gunning after him for a good chunk of time, even as she marries Rich Guy Rhett Butler and has a kid with him. Eventually [spoiler] kid dies and Rhett realizes Scarlett never cared for her just as Scarlett realizes she loves Rhett. Not a good ending for Scarlett. Bunch of people die. Oh and all of this takes place during the Civil War. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses. I flinch at the idea of putting anything anywhere near my eye, so contacts are a no-no for me. What do you think about horror movies? It’s a hit or miss most of the time. Great genre with some even greater hits, though. If you love them (I do), what's your favorite? Misery or The Shining. Cliché picks, but I personally enjoyed both so why not. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I dunno about ‘cool’ but I got Gabie a Hydro Flask water bottle and I’m SO excited for her to get it because she’s always been envious of mine and she’s always talking about wanting one because water tastes so crisp and fresh from those bottles. It’s kind of a bittersweet story for me though – I lost my own Hydro Flask a day after I got hers. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Do you do Black Friday shopping or wait for Cyber Monday? I do neither of those things because I’m from the Philippines and we have no idea what those holidays(?) mean. Have any mental illnesses? I’m sure I do, I just have never gotten myself checked. What's your favorite word and why? I’m not really obsessed with any right now. What is the most expensive thing you own, and what is it? It’s either my laptop or my phone...I’m not sure how much they were; my parents paid for both. Although I’m guessing the phone cost more because it was the newest in the iPhone line at the time of their purchase. Did you buy that item yourself? Hahahaha, nope. Super grateful to my parents for getting it for me despite knowing I have the tendency to crack and break all the phones I own. This current one is staying strong, though! Where do you work and what is your postion? I don’t have a job yet but I’m part of two organizations in college, if that counts. I’m the vice president for external affairs in my journalism org and associate editor in our graduating batch’s yearbook club. How often do you cuss? Probably once every few hours? Definitely way less than when I was an angsty, feisty, annoying little teenager lmao. What type of car do you drive, if any? I have a Mitsubishi Mirage hatchback. Are you happy with it? If no, what's your dream car? I’m happy with it; it’s small, convenient, and easy to drive. My dream car is something just as small but a little more fancy, so I’m wishing for a Mini haha. Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Which ones? Nah I just have three main ones – Twitter, Facebook, and this Tumblr. I’ve made accounts on other apps like Snapchat and Instagram, but I stopped using the former and I never use the latter. What is your favorite genre of music? I don’t have one. Does your family have holiday traditions? If so, what are they? It’s not a unique tradition but we go to my grand-aunt’s house and we do Monito-Monita, which is essentially a Filipino Secret Santa. We fix ourselves in a circle and when you’re It, you have to dance/walk/prance around with your gift while everyone sings the monito-monita song (which I’m too lazy to expound on, lol). When the song ends, you have to hand your ‘baby’ their gift. If you're in a relationship, are you happy with it? Yes. How long have you been with your significant other? Three years, but that’ll change to four by February. Do you like psychology? (It's my college major). I love it. It’s one of my the-one-that-got-away courses, along with history. I wanted to have a glimpse of psych by taking a psychology elective once, but I got a bad prof and never got in the mood to take another elective again, so that’s a shame. What is something your state is popularly known for? We don’t have states, we just have provinces and cities. Antipolo is known for their delicacies such as kasoy, suman, and latik. Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what's the coolest thing you made? Kind of? I don’t like anything I have to sculpt or mold myself; but lately I’ve been into paint-by-number kits and I asked Gab to get me a couple of them as a Christmas gift. It’ll help with my seasonal depression, so I’m excited to be preoccupied during the holiday break. Do you watch sports or do you think they're overrated? I don’t think they’re overrated. I just don’t find most of them interesting to watch. What's one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn't deserve to? TROLLS Do you straighten your hair? No. Ever dyed your hair a color that isn't natural? (blue, pink, etc) I haven’t dyed it at all. How's your relationship with your parents? We have a best friends-type of relationship in that we banter and not opposed to insulting each other and cursing in front of one another, but I don’t let them know me any deeper than surface-level. The angst and trauma I developed due to my mom being horrid to me when I was younger permanently kept me from ever desiring a soft, emotional, intimate bond with her. And as for my dad, well he’s worked overseas all my life and I only get to see him once or twice a year, so it’s easy to understand why I have not developed a super super SUPER close bond with him as well. Do you still live with them or do you have your own house? I live with them but I’d love to have my own place soon. What's something you are currently saving money for to buy? More Christmas gifts for loved ones. I’ve only bought gifts for my girlfriend so far. Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? I vape, but don’t smoke. Gab gave me her vape pen which is from a brand named Smok, because she soon learned after vaping a few times that she’s asthmatic. :( I do get disposable vape pens from Vedfun which I honestly prefer more, though. Ever done drugs? Other than painkillers, no. Tell me one of your worst habits. Letting myself go hungry because I’m a little obsessed with the thought of saving money. What's a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? I have to lock my car doors three times in a row before I feel entirely secure. If you game, what type of headset do you use? What type of computer do you own, and do you like it? I have a Macbook Air, and I love it. What's the thing that annoys you the most? Metro Manila traffic. What brand of TV do you have? All of our TVs are Samsung, I think. Are you excited for Christmas? (It's December 1st today when I made this) I can take it or leave it. Tell me about your favorite vacation you've taken. Sagada x Baguio last 2014. I was hurting a lot that time because of recent shitty events that all happened to me, but the climate, the nature, and the peace and quiet allowed me to recharge and let everything out. It helped that there was a movie that had just come out then called That Thing Called Tadhana (Fate) wherein the lead girl was going through the same stuff I did, then she took a bus trip to Sagada, stood on top of a cliff, and yelled and cried her heart out. I set out to do the same (I didn’t scream though, just cry haha) and it was a good release. I’ll never forget that trip because I had never been more in touch with myself and allowed myself to be that raw until that week.

Tell me something cool about yourself. [continued all the way from 7 AM because I just got lazy for the rest of the morning. It’s now 4:41 PM.] Anyone outside of pro wrestling will probably not find this cool but I’ve been acknowledged by all three of my all-time favorite female figures in the industry (retweeted by AJ Lee, followed by Natalya, greeted happy birthday by Stephanie McMahon). All three are memories I’ll cherish forever. Did/do you get good grades in school/college? Not so much in grade school, because I was admittedly irresponsible and my elders didn’t pay much attention to my study habits, either. I got better in high school, but I still made sure not to tire myself out because I knew the grades I’d get then literally wouldn’t matter in college. Now that I’m in college and for once the grades DO matter, I’m working 15 times as hard and getting good grades throughout. What's your ringtone on your phone? They’re all ringtones provided by Apple. What's your favorite store to shop in? For clothes, independent stores would do. They can sell a tank top for ₱50 (1 USD) that I would otherwise find in H&M for like, ₱299 (6 USD) lmao. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy and why? I’d pay off my parents’ various purchases like our house and cars so that the guilt doesn’t eat me up when I treat myself. How long have you had a Bzoink account? I don’t have a Bzoink account, but I’ve been using it to find surveys since 2008. My survey habit started veeeeery early, y’all.

Ever been to Field of Screams? If so, what's your favorite attraction? I have not. I’m not even sure I know what that is. Do you own a Polaroid camera? I don’t. Do you have hardwood floor in your room or carpet? Hardwood. It's a Saturday night, what are you typically doing? Taking surveys or catching up with work. Do you have a lot of friends or do you not have any at all? I have a lot, fortunately. College taught me to open up my circle. What's your all time favorite movie and why? Two for the Road. It just clicks with me. Audrey and Albert very both very passionate in their roles and their tandem worked amazingly to bring the story to life.

How many blankets do you sleep with at night? Just one. What's the last TV show you watched? Did you enjoy it? Queer Eye; I made Gab watch the Jones Bar-B-Q episode which is usually cited as one of the best of the series. I loved watching it the second time. Do you prefer cable TV or do you use Netflix? I use Netflix; I haven’t tuned in to cable TV for a good 4-5 years maybe. What is your dream job and why? Working somewhere in WWE. That company’s been a part of my life for...welp, my whole life. A part of me just feels as though I HAVE to end up there. Do you think you would be a good therapist? I know I’m a good listener and that I can read body language and signals quite well, but I don’t think I’d want people to dump their burdens and rants on me. What's your favorite brand of clothing? H&M. Did you like this survey? Sure!

[holbyconfessional]

Casualty S32 Episodes 8-14

Finally got caught up.  Since this is SO historical now, I’m going to put the whole lot under a cut, save dashboards!!!

Casualty S32 Episode 8

I found the COTW here pretty heartbreaking, the elderly couple with the woman dying from COPD.

Connie finally confirms to Ethan that the patient she's been discussing with him is herself.  And then proceeds to blackmail him about his role in Scott Ellison's death, in order to force him to perform an off-the-books emergency embolectomy to save her arm.  Great leadership skills!

Alicia passed her driving test, despite being a shockingly awful driver, already responsible for several accidents.  Nice.

Casualty S32 Episode 9

Nosy and unpleasant Louise has discovered Sanosi.  It gives her an excuse to be rude and aggressive to Dylan, lots.  But, don't forget folks, we're supposed to like Louise because she always does the 'right thing' in the end - in this case, spiriting Sanosi off Dylan's boat, just in time to save the day as Connie goes barrelling in, expecting to find something.

Lily is jealous of Iain and Sam's easy relationship.  She can't see that Sam is 'a lad' and Iain is so much a lad that he barely hit puberty, and frankly, she's never going to get the grown up relationship she wants from him.

A return of the transgender morgue worker, which was good - I like her.   And most of all, I loved the chat between her and Max, where he tells her all about Zoe, and how she left because she was afraid of happiness, and how he thinks about what his life with her would have been like every day.  It broke my heart a little.  You don't get chemistry like theirs every day, and I wish she hadn't left - him or the country!

Casualty S32 Episode 10

Elle and Marty.  Here is where I amuse myself with my outraged old lady rant...  Now, I'm not a single mother of three boys, but I'm pretty sure if I was, I wouldn't be having men over to shag in my house unless I was sure that a) it was a solid relationship, and b) they had met my kids in a low stress environment.  I don't deny the fact that Elle has a right to a life, including a love life, outside her role as a mother, BUT, as a mother, her kids need to come first when managing such a life, and part of that means setting an example.  In this day and age where kids learn WAY too much of their sexual knowledge from porn, I'm not sure it pays as a parent to model anything like a promiscuous lifestyle, and for her kids to come in and find a complete stranger in bed with their mother... Well... You see where I'm coming from.  On the flip side, I may not be an Elle fan, but anything that highlights any sort of relationship chances for us older women, in whatever orientation, then I say, you go, girl!

But, also in the story.  I don't know how old Blake is supposed to be, but isn't he a bit old for the 'if Mum gets a partner, I'm afraid she won't love me any more' thing?  I don't know that much about teenaged boys, but it didn't ring entirely true for me.  Going with the chilli powder being nothing more than a practical joke would have sat with me better.

Dylan. I feel really awful for him right now, as someone who doesn't forge relationships easily, he was clearly really attached to Sanosi.  Of course, he did the right thing, he's perfectly right that Sanosi could never have the life that he dreams of when always on the run and in hiding, and it was perfectly valid that Sanosi wouldn't be able to see that, and would only see how Dylan had let him down.  With Dylan's own history of OCD and mental health problems, I will be interested to see where this development drives him.  I am always happy for more Dylan on the screen.

Connie. Right, so her tumour is malignant.  Worst possible news.  And she's still burying her head.  I'm all for not rushing storylines, but I think we need to move on this one, folks.  I love Connie, and like Dylan, I am happy for her to have screen time, but dragging this storyline out much more risks losing its momentum, and for it to just become boring.   IMO!

COTW, I'm still not sure why the girl was put into care.  As a mother, if there is any risk that your partner might in any way hurt your child, don't you ditch the partner and keep the child, rather than ditching the kid??!!  I know that jury was out as to whether partner hit mother, but surely all the more reason?  Incidentally, I do appreciate how hard it is for some people to escape from domestic violence, but the mother didn't seem like an utterly downtrodden victim to me.  Comments welcome from folk who may know far more about it than I do, and no offence meant if I've shown ignorance.

Casualty S32 Episode 11

So, there's a new F1 called Rash, who pukes when he gets nervous and makes lots of mistakes.  

Lily and Iain's relationship is a little strained after her jealousy toward Sam, and Lily wants to apply for the project in Hong Kong, but after Iain comes back round and stops giving her the cold shoulder, she self sabotages her presentation so she doesn't have to make a decision.   Everything I've just said is wrong on so many levels.  I think the way Iain treats Lily is pretty vile.  He has a right to be angry over the ketchup/Sam incident, but not to give her the cold shoulder every time she doesn't behave according to his doctrine.  He's just a spoiled little brat.  And as for self sabotaging for a man, well, need I say more about the stupidness?!!  Still, good for her for finally making the right decision, even in the face of Iain's grand and embarrassing karaoke gesture!

COTW continues the theme of unhealthy relationships, with the love triangle of man leaving partner for her best friend.  Wake up, best friend, like that dude was ever going to be trustworthy!  Proven by his about face at the end.  Good for the woman to turn him away in favour of supporting her friend.  Who is still her friend, despite the attempt to run off with her man?  I'm all for sisterly support, but even I think that might be going a bit far...

Casualty S32 Episode 12

'I know what you did'!  Perhaps a wee bit childish of Max, but pretty serious overreaction from Ethan!  I hope this Scott Ellison guilt won't be everlasting, because although in reality, I'm sure it will stay with him forever, as a viewer, it's a bit like flogging a dead dog...

I was intially pleased when it was announced Sam was to return to Casualty.  And happy to see her for her first couple of episodes.  But tonight has helped to remind me just how annoying she could be.  I mean, she threw Iain's phone out of a moving ambulance window!!  In WHAT UNIVERSE could she possibly imagine that this behaviour might be acceptable??!!!  Phones aren't 50p, and people rely on them (rightly or wrongly) to live their entire lives!  I can't even begin to articulate how disgusting I think her behaviour was.  And Iain more or less let her get away with it.  Euch.

Slightly different COTW in the former abuse victim ambushing then manipulating the paedophile into holding up a store.  I think the storyline was all kinds of uncomfortable, from witnessing the psychological damage to the victims, shown in the evidence of Ocean's self harm, and the fact that she feels the only think open to her now is to mount a personal vendetta on abusers, by deliberately seeking them out through chat rooms, and attempting to force their arrests through other means.  I think the fact that she didn't seem to understand the gravity of what she had done, in terms of the safety of innocent bystanders (collateral damage?) spoke volumes to the degree of psychological trauma that she had experienced. And that is not even mentioning the presence of the paedophile himself, a father to two young children.

The other COTW was the homeless man, who had been picked up for a one night stand by someone of some seeming privilege.  I'm not sure what this story was designed to highlight - perhaps a seasonal reminder that homeless people are rarely homeless by choice, but rather caught in a cycle that try as they may, they're unable to break.  Perhaps this could have been a more powerful story if it hadn't been chosen to play against the far more hardhitting paedophile case.

Casualty S32 Episode 13

It's about time we got some closure on the Robyn/Glen storyline.  I rather enjoyed the huge flashback/fill in the gap section of this episode, I'm not saying I was ever a massive Glen fan, but it was an interesting and refreshing change.  I felt a little bad for him at how badly people treated him - on the one hand, I know he walked out on Robyn at the altar, which is an unbelievably shitty thing to do (he should have done it before 'the day' ;-)), and I really dislike people's propensity to 'know' what's best for other people - by and large, folk should have the right to make up their own mind; but regardless of all that, I think it's safe to say his heart was in the right place, and there was of course a little more to it than your average jilting.

Robyn 'He's here to hold his daughter.  Who was here to hold me through all of this?'  Selfish, selfish person, surrounded by family and friends, support on every side - Charlie and Duffy giving her and her daughter a home, everyone rushing round to be there for her at every turn.  I shake my head at her.

On the plus side, lots of 'Dee Dee' in the flashback, which was a winner. I like the mention of his past drunken reveal to Zsa Zsa about his crazy family.  Do we know much about his crazy family?  Has it been covered before?  I'm dredging my memories, but coming up blank.  If anyone does have any recollections, do tell me...

One thought I do have about this episode, which is likely highly controversial - as a non-religious person, why is Robyn getting Charlotte christened?  I could understand (although not really agree) if Robyn was a churchgoer herself, but why do it since she's not?  To cover bases?  I think that's rather missing the point of religion, no?  (This taken from E12, where Max says he doesn't know why she's doing it as she's not religious and neither is he...)  Now, I could continue talking about my opinions on this for some time, but I don't want to get soap boxy, so I shall desist.  Plus side of this part for me?  Yay, Lexy!

Casualty S32 Episode 14

So, last episode wasn't merely closure for the Robyn/Glen storyline.   Because Glen is back.  As a porter.  Short or long term, I wonder?   After all, we know his tumour hasn't been cured, although it's at bay.   Ah, well, we'll see.  Still, lots of chances to see people be unnecessarily mean to him.

Thank goodness Connie has finally started her chemo.  Ethan in charge of the ED, fairly unsurprising that he should initially make a hash of it, only to save the day!  I liked that he took Connie there, then went and collected her afterward, though.

COTWs, young boy looking after younger brother suffering from CO poisoning.  I really hoped they could stay together.

Priest with a tattoo trying to remove it because he thinks his new congregation won't like it.  Is that a thing?  I thought priests only felt guilty in the eyes of their god?  After all, if he was comfortable enough to get the tattoo in the first place, why on earth would other peoples opinion matter that much??!!

[letters-to-del]

February 6th 2017

So it's been a while since I even thought about this blog, but that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about you. In fact, I think about you pretty frequently! I've just reread all my previous posts and I'll admit I had a bit of a cry. A lot (and I mean a LOT) has changed since I last wrote. I'll try to sum up the big parts for you, since I know that if I try to write everything I'll never stop writing and also, you've been with me every step of the way! - I worked at that pottery place called The Painted Turtle for the whole summer between grades 11 and 12 for a paid co-op for SHSM, and they liked me so much they offered me a part time job for during the school year. I quit in April and worked over the next summer at the theatre, which was a really cool job. When I quit to go to college, they said they'd be happy to have me next summer. - Over the pottery summer I also did a weeklong work camp in the AMC trails with Mag. It was really hard work and we were really sore most of the time but, being the only girls AND the only Canadians we had to show them we were tough. We built bridges and a neat rock turnpike to redirect a stream. - Grade 12 was alright, nothing too special. I really liked my English teacher, and she really liked me too. Her name was Ms. Cox and come to think of it, I think of it, you guys would've gotten along really well. I also had a horrendous teacher who I am pretty sure you would've had a very intense argument with. I talked to an in school counsellor named Robyn a lot and she helped me out with a lot of self harm and depression stuff. - I graduated with a gold medal, which meant I had an average of above 85%. I think you would've been proud of that. I also got an award (which for the life of me I can't remember the name of) which basically meant "you had a really rough go of it, but you kept your grades up and stayed positive!" I wore a pair of your earrings as I walked across the stage. - I got into art college! I go to Sheridan college in Oakville, I'm in a program that's called Advanced Visual & Creative Arts. It's a 3 year program that basically will introduce me to all sorts of materials and methods so I can decide where I want to go at the end of it. Right now I'm torn between special effects makeup / props for movie and tattooing. - Over the summer between grade 12 and college, dad wasn't really around much. He was pretty busy with rotary and gateway and a bunch of other stuff, but that's alright because neither was Tim, Jeremy's dad. Therefore we spent a lot of time together over the summer, which was actually really good for us I think. I don't know if you really met Jeremy but he's my best friend & I love him a lot. I really wish you could know him now. He also goes to Sheridan for media, but he's going to Thunder Bay next year for teachers college. I'm really gonna miss him. - In early August of 2016 Biscuit passed away. Dad accidentally left him in the back of the Subaru on a hot day. It was awful to find him, dad tried to do CPR but he was already gone. It was absolutely horrible. Dad cried a lot and was really really sorry to me, I've only ever seen him cry that much when you passed away. He and I both knew that that could have easily driven a wedge between us because (his words) "he killed my dog" but I didn't want that to happen so although he knew I was upset and deeply hurting I also knew it was an accident and it was not on purpose. I think dad was very thankful that it was not nasty between us afterwards. I really miss him because now there is only Felix and dad here when I come home from college. He is buried next to Beck in the backyard with a stick, some dog food & treats, and a ball. - It feels really weird to not have a dog, I want to get one when I move to an apartment but I know it wouldn't be fair to the dog, so I have to wait for a bit. I get sad and happy at the same time when I see dogs now. - The psychiatrist I saw ended up putting me on some anti-depressants. We went through I think 2 or 3 meds before we ended up on Teva Quetiapine, which I'm still taking now and will probably take for a while. - I figured out that I've had depression since I was about 8 or 9. It got really bad in grade 11 and 12, and one time I almost jumped off a building but I was kind of starving myself at the time so I was too tired to make it up the stairs. Looking back now, I'm really really glad I didn't jump. I still have my ups and downs, but it's safe to say that I am the happiest I have ever been (or at least, remember being). I know this would make you sad to hear but I feel like I wasn't open with you in the past about mental health so I guess now is my chance to tell you everything. - I still self harm sometimes, although not nearly as often as I used to. I was a few months clean before last week's relapse, and even longer before that one. I talk to Jeremy when I get bad like that and he's always able to help me out, especially because we both live in residence so he's never more than a 5 minute walk away. - That girlfriend I had when you were sick actually turned out to be a really bad girlfriend. We dated for about 7 or 8 months before I broke up with her, and it was only after I broke up with her and talked to Wendy about her that I realized she was pretty shitty to me. She was emotionally manipulative and abusive, and cut me off from my friends and guilted me into doing stuff i didn't really want to do. (not sex, don't worry). she would threaten to kill herself if I left her and I was afraid to bring up issues in our relationship for fear she would hurt herself. partly because of her (and mostly because of me) I haven't been in any other relationships- I'm not very good with being touched by people I'm not comfortable with and I get panicky very easily when being romantically pursued, even if the other person means no harm. romantic / dating stuff freaks me out a lot, but sex is easier (not what you want to hear, I know, but it's the truth). I am working on it though, and have gone on one or two dates! - Donald Trump is the president of the states now. I cried when he was elected. So did one of my profs. Every day he seems to commit some atrocity that makes my heart hurt. The day after his inauguration there was a Women's March, which was the largest protest in US history. I think you would've liked that. - I don't like coming home anymore, I don't even call it home. Every bad thing that's happened to me has happened to some degree in the house, so whenever I come back I get sad and angry and it takes me a week of being back at school to be okay again. the feelings that I had when it all was happening just come back when I'm there- depression, self harm, my ex, you being sick and passing, dad's sickness and Biscuit dying... it's just too much to go back to when I am doing so well at Sheridan. I have talked about it with Dad, Jane and Nanny. I think I'm going to spend the summer with Jane and work in Guelph. - Because I'm 18 now I am legally in charge of some of the money I have inherited from you. In class the other day I was reading an economics book and a girl asked why I was reading that kind of book. I explained that I inherited money and now wanted to educate myself on how to handle it. She responded with "you inherited money? that's so cool!" which startled me a little. I would rather have you back in my life than your money and responsibilities. That stung a little bit. - Despite what I had hoped college doesn't seem to have a lot of people who are on the same level as me. Don't get me wrong, my friends are smart and fun but i still feel the same disconnect I felt through grade school, where I wanted to be friends with the profs more than the kids. on the plus side, everyone thinks I am very mature and a lot of my friends were surprised when I told them I was 18, not 23 like they thought. I love you and miss you.