#and definitely arent just me projecting my own personality and issues

[gamesyoushouldbeplaying]

There is no hell like becoming obsessed with your own ttrpg character because folks. I need 1 million essays on a character that is currently 99% in my brain

[cloudywithchanceofrainestorm]

Thought I'd add my dumb enby thoughts to this.

(Just a quick disclaimer, i am but one enby of many. I obviously dont claim to speak for all nonbinary people these are just my thoughts)

So the thing with Raine's agab (assigned gender at birth) being vague is that its not purposeful obfuscation by the writers, in that they arent taking active steps to hide it. (At least, i personally don't think they are.) More accurately, it just doesnt become relevant to the narrative at any point. Why would they mention it when it isnt necessary to do so.

You could of course argue that its implied their afab (assigned female at birth), both their young and adult voice actors are afab enbys. And many interpret their design as reading more feminine. Before their gender was revealed, many who watched the trailer (and even that sneak peak of them in season 1) read them as female. It wasnt until their voice was actually revealed that people started reading them as more "masculine".

This isnt to say people who present Raine as amab (assigned male at birth) in fan works are wrong. Their agab is still unconfirmed in canon and i dont think its misrepresentation to present them otherwise (Also i will always support projecting onto characters through fanworks, especially for comfort and exploration).

Im just saying i dont think the team is portraying Raine without an agab in mind. And personally, i have no isssue with that. While its important to have trans issues and daily trans life struggles portrayed in media, its equally important to acknowledge that being trans is just one aspect of an individuals identity and doesnt always have to to come up.

However, as an enby person, i do have a problem with purposefully being vague about a nonbinary persons agab and more specifically their body.

One critique of op i have is how they use the term "genderless" when they mean "sexless".

I dont wanna get to into it cause its a whole can of worms, but Sex is the physical traits we are born with. Gender is a social construct. Sex does not equal gender, they are two different things. That being said, they do effect eachother.

How your raised, what gender roles are forced onto you, what societal expectations effect you, will be influenced by how your assigned at birth- based on your sex. Even intersex people are assigned a gender at birth. The gender your raised as will effect how you explore and interact with gender as a concept as a whole. Afab and amab nonbinary people will have different experiences.

Theres also the obvious fact that your sex is a pretty major part of your physicality as a whole. It effects what medical conditions your susceptible to, what treatments you may need, dreaded monthly's for the afabs.

And theres also the fact that its just your body. Its the physical vessel that binds you to this plain of existence, its how you experience the world. Its your appearance. Its a part of you.

When people take steps to actively dodge the question of enby characters agab when its relevant (for the most obvious example of this, fanworks that are- lets say- rated higher than pg-13) it makes me uncomfortable because it suggests the author beileves to some level that sex does equal gender. And therefore thinks they cant show an enby character with certain physical traits without "misgendering" them.

It also comes down a desire by certain people to neatly slot nonbinary identities among binary ones. I think this is why alot of people get thrown off by neo pronouns or genders not defined by their proximity to male or female. Because now the concept has been shown to be fundamentally more complex than "basically man, basically woman, both, none, etc". And often times people ouside these definitions suffer abuse for "not really being nonbinary" or "making up genders".

(just to clarify theres nothing wrong with having a identity described through proximity to binary genders, id describe my own in a similar way, but more shaming people for having identities not defined by proximity to binary genders is transphobic and shitty)

The reason why I, and many others, have a problem with sexless non-human creatures being called nonbinary is that- A) why would an entity susbcribe to a human social consruct built around something they literally do not have, and B) it avoids the descussion of trans bodies being valid as they are.

Trans bodies are different from cis bodies and this is a truth that needs to be more wildly accepted. To many people treat cis bodies as the thing that trans bodies need to become, which is downright impossible, and also extremely trans-medicalist. Its toxic and breeds personal discontent with things we fundamentally cannot change about ourselves. This is particularly important to understand when it comes to nonbinary people as there is no way to be cis and nonbinary. A fact that has been used to discredit enbys and used as evidence to say were not real.

This is all say, its important that nonbinary bodies (and trans bodies as a whole) are presented in a respectful manner that acknowledges how were raised, how society sees us, and how we see ourselves. Nonbinary people shouldnt have our bodies censored so that we can seem more "androgynous" and "valid".

Im not saying people who do this are transphobic btw. If anything their being overly cautious and misguided.

If raines agab were to be revealed, assuming it would be done in a respectful way, i would not have a problem with it. Honestly them being revealed to be sexless would be more upsetting to me for above reasons.

I would urge people who create fan content of them, and any enby character, to question why they may have a knme jerk reaction to hide their physical appearance (like for example, hiding their chest in a situation where it would make sense for them be shirtless to hide top surgery scars, or lack thereof). What about their body type would contradict their identity for you? Why do you picture them a certain way?

Tldr

I dont think the owl crew are taking active steps to avoid referencing Raine's assigned gender at birth, it is implied that they are afab but this is unconfirmed

Being trans is just one aspect of you identity, its fine to show other aspects of a character

As an enby i find it really uncomfortable when enby characters agabs are actively censored because it reinforces "gender = sex"

It also reflects a want to neatly slide nonbinary identities in with binary genders which causes problems

If Raine's agab were to be revealed it wouldnt really upset me

If they were revealed to be sexless it would upset me

Trans bodies are valid no matter their shape

Again, i am but one enby. Do please feel free to disagree with me. These are just my perspective on things.

Anyway stan Raine Whipsers

A discussion of nonbinary representation in media, as characterized by Raine Whispers

(+accompanying doodles of Raine living the trans experience, wether amab, afab, or neither :)

So here's the thing: we don't know if Raine is trans. It's not really mentioned or discusssd beyond using they/them pronouns and it makes sense to us based on the rules of our world that they are trans, but they exist in a very different place with very different rules. Since they are the only nonbinary character in the series (edit: other than Masha but they’re human so that’s a bit more black and white) and we have no context otherwise, it is equally possible that they transitioned at a young age or that it is possible for witches to be born as physically 'genderless', while uncommon.

I find this dilemma falls under the broader scope of the discussion of nonbinary representation in media. There are two main ways to portray nonbinary (particularly androgynous) characters: either playing it straight as it is with Raine, no questions asked, or by encorporating elements of the trans experience into their story or character.

The catch with nonbinary characters is that, opposed to binary trans characters, is that you don't know what gender they were assigned at birth (while this is generally rather obvious with binary trans characters). If written badly, it may feel disingenuous to have a nonbinary character whose birth gender is alluded to or (god forbid) "revealed". On the other hand, magically genderless nonbinary characters aren't always the best representation either, as a) there is no real way to 'pass' as nonbinary in the real world and b) even for androgynous identifying nonbinary people, complete androgyny is often an unattainable feat in the first place.

It is important to have characters who are realistically trans, including the less "pretty" parts of the transition process. It is an important lesson to have in media that you don't have to be flat-chested or clean-shaven or whatever to deserve respect for your identity.

And again, both types of nonbinary representation are good in their own ways, but it is important to be cognizant of this as I became when I began developing a nonbinary character of my own.

This has been circling in my mind for quite a bit and has just come back to me now with my mini-fixation on Raine. If you are nonbinary yourself and/or have any other (respectful) thoughts on this, I would love to hear them!

Thanks for reading!

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

So

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Or

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

[butch-bakugo]

I will always support the notion that casts need to be diverse and supportive of an inclusion narrative but part of me, as lgbt disabled mixed indiginous creator, also has another feeling attached to it that some could read as problematic if they dont let me explain my point or if read it as me defending myself. Im not, my content is diverse. But anywho, here it is;

Unless we are talking about a large influential company like Disney that is reaching billions of individuals, it is not artist's jobs to give ANYONE representation or a character to project upon no matter what your political narrative is.

I know, some peeps are already angry at me. But im gonna guess that if ur mad at me, ur probably not an artist. Keep in mind what art is and why artists create. The google baseline definition of art is creative expression, usually expressive of one's self, using a medium. Art can be anything from food to wood to fabric to computers. Art can mean anything from a simple shitposty funny thing to the artist's masterpiece. Art is innate. It is not something you can run through a machine and get a good answer. Its human and nesseary. Art cant be forced and if it is, then it wont be art cause theres no passion in it.

Artists create to express themselves, their stories, the stories of others and so on. Its entirely personal. However i see alot of people who rag on small artists for non-sencical reasons. Now, this is not to say that you cant point out the racism and cut off an artist who portrays black people like they did in the 1940s but this also means you cant rag on an artist who dosent want to mis-represent a race/ethnicity/tribe so they choose not to until they believe they are educated enough on the topic.

In the end, artists dont owe anyone shit. Alot of people think we do. We dont owe you art or a character or anything the like of it. We arnt becons of representation and its not our jobs to educate the public about social issues. Its not our jobs to produce characters to fit your political narrative. Art is not inherently politcal. We dont have to make aro/ace characters cause you want to be represented. We dont have to make characters with * insert hyper specific mental illness here* just because you want yo be represented. We dont owe any gender, race, orientation, disability, illness or size art, characters or any kind of artisitc or mental labor. Being oppressed dosent give you the right to our craft, time and labor.

Td;lr: You dont have a right to representation in art. Period. Art is creative self expression, not public education. We arent required to do anything for anyone just because we are artists. We dont owe you anything. If you want to be represented and you cant find any representation, pick up the damn pencil, learn to draw yourself and make your own damn content.

[bellwitchfaggot]

feel free to ignore if you want, but your thoughts on kinning are interesting how do you think people should approach kinning when looking at it through a mental illness lens? like should people not encourage their delusions or is it harmless?

Personally I think encouraging delusions is not necessarily good for your recovery in the long run, even "non malicious" delusions. If I let my bitchy but not particularly violent voices go unchecked then eventually I'm gonna start hearing...extremely violent voices. Theres not really a way to separate the benevolent voices from the malevolent voices

That being said, I do also think some people think things are "encouraging" delusions that like. Definitely arent. Theres no harm in ACKNOWLEDGING psychosis. You cant necessarily make it stop unless you have practice redirecting and grounding and practicing evidence based thinking, and even then, if you're someone with severe episodic psychosis, redirecting it like that only works to a certain extent.

So like, having a delusion like zoanthropy and having periods where ur like Holy Fuck I'm A Seal and just letting yourself ride that wave till it kinda calms down is NOT encouraging the delusion. You cant just ignore psychosis till it goes away. Or, you can, but ultimately processing it and acknowledging it (while also acknowledging it's your brain lying to you) is better for your ability to cope with and process psychosis

I think people who dont have psychosis sometimes dont understand that like. First of psychosis isnt really inherently good or bad. It just Is. And For people with psychotic disorders that will last lifelong, being psychosis free is not the goal. Its impractical. If you're schizophrenic you are always gonna have these issues. Acknowledging them and processing them is not the same as encouraging them, and is, in fact, an important part of coping with them

So I guess this is my long winded way of saying that encouraging them is definitely not healthy, but simply acknowledging them and not ignoring them isnt the same as encouraging them, if that makes sense. Psychosis is based ultimately in self esteem issues. Not gonna elaborate on that for now so this post doesnt get TOO long, but the majority of delusions in some way play on your self esteem issues. While I continue to work through my own self esteem issues, NOTHING is gonna stop me from seeing a character from a media I like, projecting on them, and then being like "well cool that's me now and I wholeheartedly believe I am them". I'm not gonna try to keep myself from doing that, cuz it's not realistic for me now, but I'm not gonna be like "oh theres no reason for this it's just absolute fact" either. I'm gonna be like "neat. Now I'm stricklander. I have bad taste in kins still and I'm going to change my discord icon and read a lot of fanfiction while reminding myself that this is a delusion and my brain is lying to me about it, and eventually the delusion will probably go dormant, at least for a while"

Idk I hope any of this makes sense I'm kind of an inarticulate and disorganized person. It's the schizophrenia

[e8luhs]

i am very excited for refactoring!! i already love the characters. can you tell us more about the main cast? like personality and interests and stuff.

AW YES IM SO GLAD THAT YOURE EXCITED!! i got this ask this morning and it seriously made me want to stay home from school and just infodump. im putting this under a cut since it will probably get a bit long i just kind of wrote down some fun tidbits and etc

mavis

absolute jock-passing nerd. she dresses like she Does Sport even though she did like quiz bowl and whatnot instead.

shes quite chill and thoughtful (its the taurus rising) but gets easily bored and needs constantly new forms of stimulation to stay motivated. she loves a challenge and basically feeds off of that kind of stuff. this really only cancelled out when its something deeply stressful (like being teleported to an entirely new dimension and all that). she CAN settle down into one spot and feel comfortable with that so long as she isnt BORED because GOD FORBID SHES BORED.

mavis likes science but especially astronomy, and despite everything shes actually really into horror movies and the paranormal too. a definite Halloween Enthusiast and also listens to lemon demon dare i say.

whenever shes stressed or frustrated or anxious her knee jerk instinct is to try and joke about it and move on. she isnt really direct about how she feels and whatnot and when she IS its usually via punchline.

silas

silas is probably one of the easiest people to read in the cast. its basically impossible for him to lie or say that hes doing well if he isnt. hes a very honest person and expects that kind of honesty from others also, and it becomes really frustrating for him when people arent direct about how they feel

BECAUUUUSEEEE hes also very empathetic. both of the hao siblings are but he goes about it in a very different way than catriona. hes much more like “I have to know everything about why you are upset or else ill die” because if he sees someone sad and doesnt know why it basically eats him up inside until he knows.

hes also a bit of a jokester not about his feelings or anything but just in general! rather than using it as a defense he just really enjoys making people laugh. silas is very sociable.

sometimes he can be a bit of a try hard.... he is really doing his best and i love him. him and lea and mavis all share a need to establish themselves as something greater than they are and his mainly stems from Youngest Sibling Syndrome with a side of boredom with his own life too. mavis and silas really bond over that but silas didnt really take on any escapist tendencies like mavis did. he pushes himself to take action and try many things and considers many paths.

catriona

she has a teddy bear in her room that she hides in a reading cubby because its still important but she feels that her image as Mature and Put Together matters too much to really share that soft side with others. and i think that basically sums her up as a character.

really just needs some fuckin sleep. she is fueled by various caffeinated beverages (her favorites being an overly elaborate coffee order and arizona green tea). shes articulate, but because shes usually running on 4 or 5 hours of sleep she can sometimes miss small details or starts talking faster than her own thoughts+stumbling over her own words.

shes a bit suspicious of other people because shes had her trust tested a lot. catriona is very like kind and warm still though its just that like... you know. if you wrong her its very hard to win her back and she likely wont trust you with anything again.

shes also much more of a “fix it” kind of person when it comes to problems. she will absolutely provide a shoulder to cry on when you need it but at the end of the day she provides very practical support by trying to provide options. she takes the same approach with her own feelings too.

kirabo

basically like “*softly* dont”. they are very cautious and dont take a lot of risks unless theyre absolutely sure that it will work out and there will be a benefit. however, theyre still optimistic and theyre always able to see the best in other people and in any situation. not really in that toxic kind of positivity way... but as in like they are able to appreciate the small things and whatnot

^ that world view is basically why they are so into botany. its very precise but its something small that you can really appreciate and see your own success in little by little. they also like arts and crafts.

they are incredibly diplomatic despite their initial virgo stubbornness. theyre really open to other perspectives and theyre very patient/understanding. kirabo and catriona are basically opposites in this respect and so they balance eachother out a lot here.... they are like bestest buds.

they are very big on like Emotionally Productive Self Care. kirabo WILL put on a face mask and will be like “dont @ me i am chillin”. and they will be like “enough is enough i am going to knit a fucking scarf a second”. they just have a lot of little hobbies to keep them busy like that because they are super fidgety. anxious energy... the mercury-ism

minka

absolutely hates being underestimated in any capacity. minka is fully aware of her intelligence and capabilities and expresses no qualms with it whatsoever. alot of her insecurity ends up lying in her social life and etc. shes just been through a lot and really just wants to share her passions with other people.

really likes to decorate and APPEARS messy but is super organized. she has that sort of “chaotic order” thing going on where she can locate something even if its under a huge pile of random stuff. she has lots of stickers and lots of color-coding methods too.

will do the “are we there yet” thing and the “why? why? why?” thing. mostly out of curiosity to see how far she can go. she is always so curious about how far she can go with everything. so once she finds company she basically never wants to be alone. shes very talkative and inquisitive.

a baby bi.... she is still figuring it out a little though

lea

a little >:3c and i like love that for her. she has a lot of charisma and energy and those are things that she really NEEDS TO HAVE with being a video game streamer and all but deep down shes just really mischievous and playful too.

i consider her a vriska by technicality. she has a lot of issues revolving around her identity and how people perceive her because so much of the time she deals with people projecting an idea of what shes like onto her. so alot of her thing is allowing herself to just be rather than feeling like she needs to put on a show.

^ shes actually probably one of the hardest people to read in the cast because of that. its not that shes not being herself... its just that she feels like she needs to be a pretty altered version of herself. the neptune in 1st struggle. she also kind of tends to have one foot out the door on everything but it makes her very adaptable. pretty much opposite to mavis in that its hard for her to settle down in any sense.

has a scorpio mercury but a libra venus so basically like “good luck my deep lovecore affections for you will be hidden behind several proxies”. also it just makes it to where she comes off very Intense at first as is the scorpio placement way. but really its fucking great and i love her.

trinity

well theyre a scorpio sun AND a scorpio moon aka theyre like “i will know everything about you but you will never know anything about me ever” and also theyre like *rebirth* *rebirth* *rebirth*

despite what the emotional constipation and capricorn rising may tell you they are seriously A Lot. they make very quick decisions based on any instantaneous assumptions that they have so deep down theyre just very emotional and impulsive. AND intuitive which is partially because they are analytical of others but all around theyre mostly guided by like Vibez.

their precognition is kind of like if you randomly started having dreams during the day and only saw them through your left eye. so more than anything they get kind of like... weird deja vu when they talk to people or go to places that theyve seen in their visions.

really they are just like. okay in theory by first impression they would be a vriska but in actuality they are a rose lalonde because like. come on. theres a certain self-aware yet chaotic and dramatic and repressed je ne sais quoi here

[missjackil]

@remember-to-alwayskeeepfighting in regards to the post about Sam and PTSD which I cant reblog to respond, what Im saying is that none of these flinches are any more than any normal person would flinch over, and theyre certainly not a new thing hes only done since the cage, and they are NOT getting worse. As soemeone else on that thread showed Sam flinching and reacting to sound long before the cage. None are over reactions and he also doesnt flinch or jump to loud noises all the time, so actually seeing him have a normal human reflex and comparing it to your own PTSD, or someone elses, is projecting. Its like seeing someone eat a cheeseburger and saying “yeah, he binge eats, I can relate” 

Now sure, Sam and Dean both may have PTSD but if I were looking for symptoms, I would go with the insomnia. Something Sam and Dean both admit they have, or the quick drawing of their guns, especially when startled from their sleep. Those arent normal human reflexes, those can definitely be attributed to trauma. 

The other part that gets me annoyed is that no one allows Sam to feel what hes feeling in the moment, but attributes the reaction (in this case, a flinch) to the cage. Like a gif that Im surprized didnt make the set, of Sam and Jack in the jail cell, and Sam startles away from Jack when he turns to Sam with firey eyes looking like hes about to attack.... people post that one a lot and cry “Oh no hes reminded of the cage and Lucifer!!!” and not letting him be startled at the fact that a powerful creature thats already thrown him against the wall, looks like hes about to kill him. 

I know Sam is a fictional character, but a real life trauma survivor doesnt want every action or emotion they feel to be attributed to a specific trauma. When such a thing happens to a real person, they get pissed. No one who has had severe trauma wants someone whos trauma pales in comparrison to think they can relate, because they cant. None of us have gone through the things Sam and Dean have so none of us should compare our traumas to theirs. However, if you want to say “Wow, these guys have been through so much worse than I ever will, and still keep going and getting stronger, so maybe I can move past my own issues” then thats good, that is something that could actually help someone.  But to say “this hurts me every time, he hasnt done this since before the cage and its getting worse” is projecting. Since its not getting worse, and he has done this since before the cage, and since theyre normal human level reflex flinches everyone has, it shouldnt hurt anyone.  I know Im talking to walls whenever I speak against such things, but this is a site where people can speak their mind right? Well Im just speaking it. Posts that add symtoms on to Sam and/or Dean, that arent symptoms theyre actually displaying, like eating disorders or self harm or in this case hyper sensativity to sound, does nothing to help you and just dismantles the characters. and other trauma surivors are getting triggered because people only want to focus on one trauma and not everyrhing else going on. 

Go back to S5 Good God Y’all when Ellen approaches Sam and Dean and they both turn with their guns on her. THATS a PTSD symptom and thats before Sam even talked to Lucifer. Not a flinch because Dean shouted and threw the books. Thats a normal reaction.

[pullcarol0-blog]

10 Cheap Home Decor Stores (That Aren’t IKEA)

Pretty much all of us here at TFD are extremely into budget home decor. I’ve written about my various DIY projects that helped me turn a new apartment into a home (which I still love a year later!). Chelsea has a wonderful eye for making her home feel both sophisticated and inviting (definitely check out her recent dining nook and kitchen makeovers on Instagram). None of us are experts, but we are all very into finding ways to make our homes feel cozy and “finished,” without breaking the bank.

I know a lot of my friends are the same way, too. But we also all seem to encounter the same problem: ending up with the same exact pieces of furniture and decor as every other person we know. And, yep, most of it comes from IKEA. Now, I love my trusty square-shaped extendable dining table, and it has served me well for five years. But I can name at least four other people I know well who have (or used to have) the same exact one, even though it’s not the only dining table to exist.

None of this is to shame IKEA. I love perusing those little “living in 450 square feet” setups and then snacking on Swedish meatballs as much as the next person, and no one should feel bad about shopping there. But I also know that it sometimes feels like the default for early twenty-somethings who just need to put something in their first real apartment. I’m just here to gently point out that it’s not the only option. If you desperately need to furnish that first apartment, or you’re simply looking for a little home refresh this spring, here are several home decor stores you should check out. (One caveat: I’m not including thrift stores on this list, but you should definitely check out your local thrift stores for budget-friendly decor and affordable furniture! Same with Craigslist and Facebook marketplace finds. Definitely worth checking out if they are an option for you, though!)

1. Cost Plus World Market

I love World Market. We’ve bought several things there, from a large wicker blanket basket to a pink-and-gray rug made from recycled plastic bottles. I even managed to find a mid-century style leather chair for $450 full price (which is a bargain, as most leather chairs go for at least twice that). It now mostly belongs to the cat, but it has remained in great shape for over a year, and I don’t anticipate any issues. This store is especially good for quality shelving, rugs with actual personality, and a wonderful selection of charming bar carts. Always keep an eye out for their sales — they happen pretty frequently!

2. Joss & Main

We want to replace our futon (which is fine, it’s just a light color and that ended up being a mistake for us) with a sofa, and I’m definitely going to look here when the time comes. The site is really well set up — they organize by room and style, so if you’re looking for living room furniture with a modern feel, you can find what you’re looking for easily. Also, a cursory glance shows me that they have a wide selection of full-size sofas (with good reviews!) for $500 and under.

3. Hayneedle

Everything on Hayneedle definitely seems to fall into the trendy/Pinterest-y category, but certainly not in a bad way. Their gallery page is super useful — it shows you finished room photos so you can get an idea of how an item will actually work in your space. I got my desk from this site — it is white with spacious drawers, and they had a better price than anywhere else I was looking at the time.

4. MUJI

Less selection here, but an amazing place to look if you are overwhelmed by consumer decisions! MUJI is a Japanese store that sells everything from clothing to stationery to furniture. They focus on the quality of items over the quantity of them, so you know everything you get will last a good long time. Also, everything is super fairly priced! And while there are fewer choices, that doesn’t mean their stuff is boring — it’s all beautifully designed.

5. Wayfair

I’m sure everyone here knows about Wayfair at this point, but I can’t *not* include it in this list. Wayfair is where we’ve gotten the majority of the stuff in our apartment. As I’m typing this, I can see my couch, the coffee table, the TV table, and the office chair I’m sitting on — all of which came from Wayfair. They pretty much have the widest selection and the best sales. However, their site is also a bit overwhelming, so I’d have an idea of what you’re looking for before you go perusing!

6. Target

Target has a shocking (to me) selection of insanely cute, relatively cheap home decor pieces. I highly recommend checking out their lighting in particular. We’ve gotten literally all of our lamps here — two cute (but different!) brass floor ones, and one light pink table lamp with a floral embroidery shade, which may be my most favorite thing I own. Their Project 62 line has some particularly awesome items.

7. Overstock

My mom, a true home decorating queen, has directed me to Overstock many times over the years, and for good reason — they have a ton of stuff, and it’s all marked down. I’ve heard a lot of great things about their mattress selection! They have clothing items and other stuff in addition to furniture and home decor as well.

8. Rugs USA

Another mom recommendation! A painful truth of adulthood is that a lot of things are way more expensive than you’d actually think they would be. This pretty much goes for all rugs. My mom actually found a huge, beautiful pink-patterned area rug for like $200 on this site, and it covers her entire (large) master bedroom floor. Definitely check it out for your cozy flooring needs.

9. Michael’s

I realize this is a craft store, not a home decor store necessarily. But! This is the only place (other than thrift stores) that I buy picture frames, because a) they are almost always on sale, and b) they always, always have coupons available. (Just check the website/your location before you go!)

10. Flying Tiger (New York & Boston in the U.S.)

Unfortunately, Flying Tiger does not have an online shop. And as of now, they have hundreds of stores worldwide, but the only U.S.-based ones are in New York and Boston. However! This store is absolutely filled with quirky, adorable home items (think knick-knacks and kitchenware, not large furniture). It is the perfect place to find interesting homewares for seriously cheap — I got a vase with a drawing of a man’s face for $5, and a bottle-green glass fruit bowl for $4. Definitely keep your ear to the ground for a store opening in your city, as they are expanding rapidly, or pay them a visit if you’re near NYC or Boston. I love this store so much!

*****

Any awesome, cheap home decor stores I missed? Let me know in the comments!

Holly is the Executive Editor of TheFinancialDiet.com. Follow her on Twitter here, or send her your ideas at holly@thefinancialdiet.com!

Image via Unsplash

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Source: https://thefinancialdiet.com/10-cheap-home-decor-stores-that-arent-ikea/

[uncleyarn2-blog]

How Nicole Chung Wrote 2018’s Most Talked-About Memoir

In her debut memoir All You Can Ever Know, Nicole Chung challenges the traditional adoption narrative and sheds light on the complicated reality of being a transracial adoptee. How do you find community in a town where no one looks like you? What’s it like to embrace your birth culture years in adulthood? What do you tell your children when they ask about their heritage?

As an Asian American adopted by a white family myself, I related deeply to her experiences grappling with racial identity and heritage—of becoming the poster child for adoption, of feeling too Asian or not Asian enough, depending on the situation. All You Can Ever Know is yet another reminder of how important representation is, both as an exercise in empathy across cultural boundaries and as catharsis for those who have had undergone similar experiences.

With this in mind, I spoke on the phone with Nicole, formerly of The Toast and now the editor-in-chief of Catapult, about her experience growing up as a Korean adoptee and what it was like to write her life’s story.

What was the inspiration for All You Can Ever Know?

I knew I wanted to write this story—I started to publish essays about adoption several years ago. I get a lot of questions and follow-ups from readers, and I was surprised, first of all, that it was a topic of interest. A lot of people didn’t necessarily know a lot about it or had only heard the perspective of adopted parents or maybe adoption professionals, but hadn’t read a lot of work by adoptees on the subject. It started to occur to me that maybe there would be enough interest and enough material for a book. I thought in a book-length project that I’d have the space to tell the whole story and introduce the full cast of characters and talk about it and make room for all the complications and nuance in my story. It’s obviously just one adoption story—it doesn’t mean that it’s representative of all or even most adoptions, but I thought it really needed a lot of pages and a higher word count to get the full story across.

I was thinking so much as I was growing up that I didn’t really ever read adoption stories—and certainly not by adopted people. So again, it started to really strike me that this perspective needed more representation in the literary landscape. And I really wanted to tell the story. Obviously, it means a lot to me and I was hoping that maybe it would mean something to readers and teach some of them more about adoption.

You mention in your book that you grew up in a primarily white community in Oregon and didn’t know any other Koreans as a child. How do you think this has affected your relationship to your heritage and the greater Asian American community?

I really had no sense of a Korean or Asian American community when I was growing up. It was just not something that existed around me. I was young and then came of age when we just started to get internet access. So even in my early years, when I was online in middle school and high school, I didn’t necessarily know to look for a community there, in the sense of Korean Americans or fellow adoptees. I didn’t find that until much later. So I didn’t have a real sense of myself as Korean for many, many years. At least, I knew I was Korean, but didn’t really know what that meant. I didn’t really have any models, I didn’t really become close to any fellow Koreans. It was definitely confusing, and I think as a result, I will probably always feel more distance than I wish I felt.

Later in life, how were you able to get more involved in those communities and become more aware of your Korean-American heritage and the adoption community? What was that journey like of finding it as an adult, and how has that affected your understanding of it now?

It’s definitely a work in progress. I don’t imagine that I have discovered or come to understand everything that I will in time. I think it also wasn’t any one event. I was always curious, but didn’t have a way to know or explore my heritage, since there were no other Koreans growing up. I did go to a college that had a large Asian American population, and I made some Korean American friends in college. It’s definitely been a process. It’s something I still feel really insecure about. I think as an adopted person I’ll always feel a little bit insecure in uncontrollable ways about how Korean I am. But I think it started when I made—not just Korean friends—friends with other Asian American and people of color in college.

Reuniting with my birth family was obviously huge. Getting to know my sister and become close with her and find some ways to share my life with her was very important. And doing my own research and trying to learn more. I think too what was huge for me in the Asian American community was eventually the internet and talking about some of these issues.

And also, I volunteer-edited for a publication called Hyphen. It’s a publication dedicated to telling the stories of Asians in America, and that was my first experience editing other writers. That’s where I discovered I really loved editing, and editing essays in particular. I got involved with Hyphen as a volunteer in part just to be a part of that community and as a way to serve it in a small way and get to know other Asian American writers and creators.

You mention in your book that it was constantly reinforced to you as a child that your adoption was “for the best.” How has getting in touch with your birth family affected your understanding of that narrative?

I think even before I got in touch with them, I started to interrogate that word, “best.” The thing I grew up hearing was, “They made this decision because they thought you’d have a better life.” I think the word “better” and “best” are really fraught. They’re loaded words and not words I thought to interrogate closely when I was growing up hearing them. I don’t think of my adoption as a tragedy. I think there were a lot of challenges within my birth family and my adopted family. Neither of my families is perfect—far from it because people aren’t perfect.

I remember one conversation I had with my adopted mother not long after I met my birth father and my sister. My adopted mom was asking if I thought it would’ve been better if they’d been able to keep me after all—if I hadn’t been adopted, basically. It was impossible to answer that question. It’s just a really tough one to answer. I think if anything what I’ve learned is that I don’t necessary think of adoption as mine or anyone else’s in terms of “better” or “best” or “right” or “wrong” or “good” or “bad.” There can be a lot of positives, and there can be a lot of complications too. I guess I don’t find it helpful anymore to think of my adoption or anyone else’s in such stark terms. Learning what I’ve learned, I don’t regret the fact that I was adopted or that I had the childhood I did. I think the book is an exercise in reconsidering that story—trying to look at it very honestly and talk about the things that were good and the things that were really challenging.

How has becoming a mother affected your understanding of your adoption?

I think becoming a mother has affected my understanding of everything. I think I tend to avoid strong absolute conclusions more than ever since becoming a parent, because it is an extremely humbling experience every day. Every single day. You learn a lot about yourself, you learn how little you know, and the work that goes into loving someone and being a family and being there for them unconditionally. It’s definitely affected my overall understanding of who I am.

One reason, as I write in the book, that I did end up searching for my birth family was because I was having a child. I wanted to have something more to tell her about our history, about our heritage. I thought the answers I had weren’t necessarily good enough for either of us. Until I found out I was pregnant and was looking squarely at motherhood for the time as a reality, not as a hypothetical, I hadn’t really had cause to consider the adoption for anyone in my family beyond me. I could see its effects on my parents and obviously on me, and I could think about what it had done or what it had felt like in my adopted family, but until there was another generation to consider—until I was pregnant myself and expecting a child—I couldn’t really think about, in concrete terms, what it would mean for my kids to be the children of an adoptee and what sort of questions they might have as a result or what kind of disconnect they might feel from their history or heritage as a result. It sounds obvious as I say it. Like, of course there was always going to be an impact on them, but until they were real—until my daughter was a real possibility—I never had to think about it that hard.

Certainly, becoming a parent changed my thoughts about adoption, in the sense that it wasn’t just me anymore. There was going to be somebody else in the picture—somebody who I was accountable to, somebody who would have her own questions about our history and about our family, and I really wanted to be able to answer those questions for her. At the same time, I really wanted to be honest about what I didn’t know and what I could only guess at. I wanted to be able to share as much as possible with her. It affected me in every way, but definitely profoundly affected how I thought about being an adoptee and the things that we pass on.

You said that, growing up, you didn’t have a lot of stories about race, but since becoming involved in the literary community, what stories have inspired to think more critically about adoption and race? What writers should people know about?

I remember reading The Language of Blood by Jane Jeong Trenka, which is still one of the only memoirs by transracial adoptees. I remember also reading A. M. Holmes’s The Mistress Daughter, and that was one of the first books by adoptees that I read. But neither of these stories is like mine, so I’m not trying to compare my story to theirs. Just seeing adoptees publish stories about these complex issues was definitely inspiring—I don’t know if that’s the right word, but it helped me feel more seen. It made me feel like some things were possible. A lot of writers that have personally inspired me, in terms of Asian American voices, are Alexander Chee, Min Jin Lee, and Celeste Ng. Last night I got to be in conversation with my friend, R. O. Kwon, who wrote The Incendiaries, which came out earlier this summer. Reese has been one of many, many amazing Asian American debut writers this year who I personally feel inspired by. Vanessa Hua, Crystal Hana Kim, Lillian Li—there are just so many this year, it’s really exciting. So I love being in that company.

And then in terms of what’s inspired me to tell adoption stories, part of it is just having the privilege of editing and publishing other adoptees. First at The Toast, now at Catapult, where I’m Editor-in-Chief. I’ve been so lucky to be able to solicit and then publish wonderful essays by adopted writers. Those websites have been so important to me, and they’ve taught me so much. There’s a lot of really good adoptee writing out there, and I hope that there will be more books. Certainly, I love being able to publish fellow adoptees. It’s one of the best parts of my job, and every time I have the chance to, I just feel very fortunate and very privileged. It reminds me of why I also write about this topic. It’s not the only thing I write about, but it’s really, deeply important to me. It’s my origin story. It put my life on this particular path. I really fought hard to  recover some part of my history and some part of the truth that was lost. I think I’ll always find these topics sort of fascinating. I’m probably not going to write another book about it, [laughs] but definitely reading the work of other adoptees is really important.

If you could go back in time and give advice to your younger self, what would you tell her?

I spent so much time as a kid trying to pretend everything was okay when things were really not okay. There were a lot of different reasons for this. Some of it was that I really felt the urge to protect my adopted parents from knowing that this was going on. Some of it was confusion—or youth. I didn’t have the vocabulary, as I wrote in the book, for what was happening. Some of it too was just pride. I think I really felt like if I could present this outward face to the world, then everything would be okay. And the things people were saying to me, or the confused feelings that I had, or the questions I couldn’t answer—that wouldn’t matter. I thought I could really control my story and how other people interpreted it and how they saw me. I wish I’d let that burden go a lot sooner.

I think a lot of adoptees are far from the only ones to have pointed this out in writing that there’s a great deal of pressure sometimes to appear—and not that this is a lie—I felt a lot of pressure sometimes to be “the good adoptee.” You know—happy and grateful and well-adjusted. No issues, no problems. I’m not trying to say this is universal, and I’m not interested in speaking for all of us, but I felt that pressure a great deal and I wish I had let go of that sooner. It really took until my late twenties to even begin to come out of that and to think that maybe this isn’t a burden I should be carrying anymore. Maybe my feelings and my questions and my doubts—maybe these are more important than whatever face I showed to the world.

I should’ve also trusted that the people who loved me would be able to understand that, because they have been. I haven’t been disappointed since I started talking and writing more often and honestly about this. The people in my life care about me, including my parents. They haven’t always understood, but they’ve been supportive and they’ve tried to understand.

So I’d probably go back and tell myself to put down that burden a little bit earlier. It would be okay. And it’s okay to acknowledge that things are complicated. And it’s okay to acknowledge that you have questions. It doesn’t make you appear strange or ungrateful. It’s just human.

NONFICTION – MEMOIR All You Can Ever Know By Nicole Chung Catapult October 2, 2018

Nicole Chung has written for The New York Times, GQ, Longreads, BuzzFeed, Hazlitt, and Shondaland, among other publications. She is the editor in chief of Catapult magazine and the former managing editor of The Toast. All You Can Ever Know is her first book. Follow her on Twitter at @nicole_soojung.

Source: https://chireviewofbooks.com/2018/10/15/nicole-chung-all-you-can-ever-know-memoir/

[therecoveringcatho-holic]

mannn.. life is just getting so much better!!! i just have to share where i'm at y'all bc ive been pretty excited about who i'm becoming bc i'm actively working on my spirit and who i am thru Christ.

first off - i'm fortunate for past, current and future *pain* bc it's brought me many blessings and will continue to bring me more.. just watch. it's just all about perspective and mines slowly but surely turning around! 💕 pain is a blessing bc without it we wouldn't know joy & we wouldn't be able to help others with similar problems!! i def struggle with my own share of health issues, a lot more at 31 than i ever wanted to have but i gotta be realistic about it: i treated my mind, body and spirit like a trash can off and on for the better part of a decade, i have trauma that i wouldn't dive into - like for real, for real - until 2 years ago or so bc i kept wanting to mask it. all that did was make it fester and then i projected it on others so what should i expect you know?? i used to complain constantly that 'life is not fair' and until very recently, i couldn't turn that around in my head and look at it positively .. like I AM ACTUALLY GLAD it's not bc if it was fair then i should have died yearssss ago.. one way or another esp if you look at it from a scientific standpoint. i may not know what my purpose is in life y'all but it's not my job to figure that out, it's my job to trust The Lord and His plan for me even if it doesn't always make sense to me. He is a God beyond my understanding and letting Him run the show makes life a lot better. we're not meant to have it easy but we weren't designed to make it so hard on ourselves or others either. He provides us the tools, it's just a matter of if we choose to use them or not. we all struggle so let's help each other out but the right thing is usually not the easy one so be proud of yourself when you make good decisions, no matter how small. the small things become big things; choices become habits -- that can be good or bad so make it a good thing 😘

one main problem i've always struggled with is consistency, esp when it comes to obeying The Lord. i am finally aware that my behavior does NOT affect Gods love for me bc He's an unconditional, loving God but my behavior dictates how much easier or harder life becomes for me.. and it's a daily thing y'all but it is for a lot of people, not just me. i just know that when i impulsively react to somebody or something, my

m o u t h is the first to go 😬😏SOOOO now im pretty good at waiting it out and if i think the same thing 2 mins later or so, you bet i'm gonna say it bc i'm blunt like that and i don't care to sugarcoat my thoughts BUT i also don't have to be hateful/disrespectful about it.. so that's been a turn around, for sure! 🙏 most people have a filter and i seem to lack one so i'm trying to develop one.. haha, it's funny but it's not at the same time.. actually it's been quite debilitating, really. my impulsivity and my mouth have burnt a lot of bridges in my life. not everybody or everything deserves a reaction and i don't need to waste my energy on things that arent my business -- and huge surprise here guys -- there is a LOT of stuff that is not my business so i take my nose out of it now 😜. i thrived off the drama and chaos for so long bc i didn't wanna look inward at myself and work on what was actually wrong -- which was me and my spirit. i am blessed for awareness and personal perspective.. it is everything.

ive been going back to AA and someone mentioned that theyve been praying for people that they have issues with, don't like or whatever the case may be and it's been helping them change their reaction/perspective towards that individual. at the end of the day, people are gonna do what they're gonna do but the way i choose to respond to it says everything about me, not them. that's why i love "The Four Agreements" book so much -- seriously life changing bc it's helped me realized that like i had so much displaced anger for so long and made it about everybody else and "what they did to me" , how "i'm not like everybody else", "why do they have a career / family / house and i don't?" WHATEVERRRR blah blah blah 😑 when at the end of the day, it had nothing to do with them. i was unhappy with myself, pissed that i got "cursed" with alcoholism and depression, sleep issues, etc. so instead of looking at it my difficulties as strengths and blessings, i had my own definition of what successful, happy people looked like or what they had and i was straight up mad and jealous of y'all. like how dare y'all have it so easy, right?! 🙄 omg hahaha how delusional is that!!! NOBODY has it easy!!! we all have something man and just because others may not see it doesn't mean it's not there!!!

"be kind.. for we are all fighting a battle others know nothing about." amen!!

my life has turned out to be nothinggggg of what i thought it was gonna be .. and i'm at a place of acceptance about it now and what a blessing it is to feel at peace more often than not. i think the real definition of serenity is when you stop wishing you had a different past and appreciate what God trusted you to go thru bc He knew Y O U could handle it 🥰

my alcoholism has about damn killed me but i'm resilient and ive been able to help others who battle my demon too; my depression has helped me understand deep sadness and how not running away or being scared of somebody bc of that can really change another persons life for the better.. one conversation can literally save somebody's life so don't underestimate what it means when someone disabled from depresssion reaches out to you bc you could be a life changer to them, i know this from experience. sleep issues suck but i've had a lot of deep, thought provoking conversations at 3a, ill tell ya that! but lately i sleep better bc i'm getting the garbage out of my soul and giving myself some grace. i'm blessed to not hold on to people who left me during my darkest hour bc they weren't meant to see me grow and to take part in my joy now.. it's all how you look at it!! i tried holding on to soooo many people for so long and now i just feel free of that negativity .. and i'm sure some people feel the same about me these last few years.. i was very toxic to some people so they were right to let me go as well. there's always two sides to everything y'all -- like be blessed for those who have let you down!! now you have room for people who are loyal and worth your damn time!! but as i just mentioned, i had to look in the mirror though and humble myself bc at one point or another, i was "that person" on more than one occasion that let somebody down and perspective on that is key to moving forward and not hurting somebody like that again. hurt people hurt people and i was the queen of that. when i get what i feel is a proper amount of time under my belt, i have so many amends to make that its quite.. sick, really. in the 5 years i've been in and out of AA, ive only been told to F off and/or burn in hell twice after trying to make an amends so that's better than i deserve lol most have been receptive of my amends but this will be the second round for some of those same people and i don't expect the same forgiveness i got the first time bc i don't deserve it. i'll also be frank with you .. some people i don't want to make amends to bc i don't feel they deserve it so clearly i still have work to do on my heart and hopefully thru the program and in time, i will feel differently but right now that's honestly how i feel.

to sum it all up, here are some things that help me:

-if you have to hide it, don't do it. -chaos always proceeds change.

-people will treat you with as much respect as you show yourself (thank you Lord for helping me with this one!!)

-validation may come from other people but that's just temporary. if you ain't happy in YOUR heart, with who YOU are.. check your morals and standards my dear! it doesn't matter if the entire world thinks you're great -- you need to KNOW & BELIEVE you are and that begins with the belief system you set for yourself!

- the saying "one foot in front of the other" goes a long way.. act blessed and you'll become blessed; no matter how stupid it sounds in your head, talk kindly to yourself until you believe it -- affirmations work, i swear!!! most importantly, show others grace so you'll eventually show yourself some 💕

i am a sinner but i am not my mistakes. my alcoholic demon is strong but God is stronger.. and thru Him, so am i. without my community from TN to NC to GA, my friends, my family of choice, my medical team and The Lord God, id be an empty shell of a person still at the bottom of a bottle at all hours of the day wanting to die every second i was breathing.. yes, it got that bad more times than i can count so THANK YOU to everyone who has given a shit about me and this crazy life i've had!!! once i realized that roughly 10% of my life is whats happened to me and came to accept that 90% of my life were problems that i created myself, was when i was able to become grateful for all the problems i DONT have & blessed that although some bridges are forever burned, there are many that are not!!! if i continue to act right, i have beautiful opportunities to improve myself and my relationships, the most important one being with God.

i know ive got some haters but i don't view them as enemies anymore bc i don't like harboring anger in my heart anymore .. it doesn't feel good and it only speaks to my own personal insecurity when i've talked poorly of somebody in the past. ive never quoted tupac in my life but there's a first time for everything 🤣 "i want you to eat, just not at my table." to the people i don't like and to those that don't like me, let's pray for each other. everybody deserves happiness and to thrive in their own way.. i'm not gonna be apart of some people's lives and BOTH of us are better because of it! God, i loveeee acceptance!!!! 🙌

above all.. do & be YOU, boo boo!

if it matters any, i think you're pretty great! 😋😙

as alwaysss, much love from knox & prayers to friends in mid tenn!! hope everyone is safe!! 🙏

xoxo

kels

[izzymade8-blog]

Research Project: The Pseudoscience of Forensic Science

Can Forensic Science be considered a pseudoscience? This is an important question to ask but not many people are asking it. Firstly we need to define a couple of terms. What is forensic science?  Forensic Science is the application of science to criminal justice. Next, we can define a pseudoscience. A collection of beliefs or practices mistakenly regarded as based in the scientific method. Lastly, science is observing, studying and experimenting to learn. When you perform a science experiment, you follow a set of rules and if someone else follows these same rules, they should be able to come to the same conclusion as you, if not add to it.

Jessica Brand went on the Appeal Broadcast to talk a little bit more about The pseudoscience of forensic science. She makes very important and valid points. For example, she says that forensic science is not a real science because, like in the definition above, they don't have set rules for how to get observations. It's all based on the examiners opinion, and the results cannot be duplicated. Also, there was mention of how closely forensic science works with police officers, which brought me to my second article, Forensic Pseudoscience by Nathan J. Robinson. 

Robinson also mentioned how closely forensics works with the police department. He says that the name itself has problems. “The word forensics refers to the Roman forum; forensics is the “science of the forum,” oriented toward gathering evidence for legal proceedings. This makes forensics unusual among the sciences, since it serves a particular institutional objective: the prosecution of criminals. Forensic science works when prosecutions are successful and fails when they are not.” This means that Forensics has a goal and if it doesn't reach it, it stops being science. It is actually in the interest of the forensic scientists to side with the prosecutors because the police department, who sides with the prosecutors, cut their paychecks, and this makes them unreliable. 

Forensic science is not all bad, though. I would even say, it is necessary for solving some crimes. If done correctly, we can exonerate people who are not truly not guilty. Forensics help with testing alcohol in the system. Testing alcohol can prove helpful in a deadly motor vehicle accident. It can help us with rape cases and murder cases as well. Forensics can help a victim feel like justice has been brought. 

My opinion is that we need forensic science. It's important and if done right, it can be very helpful. The thing is, it isn't being done right. Someone can get certified as a bite mark specialist just by going to a one week course! It’s crazy, because if you are sending someone to jail for life on an extreme case, then you need to be extremely educated and sure of your decision. Jessica Brand has a perfect example of this issue; “At the St. Paul Lab in 2013 they discovered the fingerprint examiner chief had absolutely no certification and training in fingerprint examination and he was the chief of that lab.” He went to many court hearings and sat there as the expert but in reality, he wasn't. Now, I do want to make clear that when I say that Forensics could be a fake science, I mean that in only some areas and for specific reasons. I don’t even necessarily mean its fake, I mean it is done in a way that is not always believable and therefore cant always be reliable. It doesn't even follow the scientific method, as Brand was able to explain.

A lot of people may read this, shrug, and say, “you know what? Nothing in this world is perfect. Yes, forensics has gotten innocent people locked up, but for every person that it wrongfully convicted, ten more have been found guilty, and they truly are.” The problem is, the way that forensics do it is by opinion. It can not be duplicated and therefore, it is hard to know when they actually are right. It really doesn't help that there is so little knowledge about forensic science or that the media portrays it as the truth. 

They might also say, “Well, how can forensic science not be science? There’s DNA, toxicology and fingerprints that require science to figure out!” Listen, just because it seems hard, doesn't mean that it is hard. Learning to lift fingerprints and compare them literally took one class period of an hour and a half! That's insane! I would agree that it does take some science background to do DNA and toxicology. The biggest problem with DNA, though, would have to be that it is hard to find in a crime scene. You can't trust that it's going to be there and when it is, it doesn't necessarily mean its a suspect's DNA. I mean, in one case, there was DNA of a woman who wasn't even in the same city when the crime happened. Turns out, that DNA was from the cotton swab. The woman worked at a company that made the swabs and she wasn't wearing gloves. She touched it and ended up being a murder suspect. That would be absolutely terrifying knowing how faulty forensic science can be. 

“If not for the use of forensics, what would we do for crimes such as rape or driving under the influence?” Let’s start with this; nobody is trying to get rid of forensic science. I am a forensic science major. I plan on getting my masters in forensics. I want to call for awareness. I want for forensic scientists to be more educated and more prepared. I want there to be a system for us to follow and work through. I want there to be no opinion, just cold hard fact and this can only be done if more than one forensic scientist can come to the same, unbiased conclusion. Forensic science is very imporatnt to figure out rape cases but it is also important to exanorate and liberate those who arent guilty but are serving time.

“How can forensics be wrong when we all have different dna and completely different fingerprints?,” one may ask.It has actually been proven that that isn't true. Now, it's extremely unlikely for someone to have the same fingerprint as you, but it has happened before. That is not the only risk though. Like I said before, it is very hard to find fingerprints and DNA in a crime scene, but it is even harder to find a complete fingerprint. Now, it is way more likely for someone to have a similar fingerprint than you, especially if it's not completely showing. Especially because all it takes is one person to say, “yes, they look similar enough,” and boom, just like that, you're in prison. There was once, actually, a military man who was wrongly convicted for a bombing in spain. He was actually in New York City at the time of the bombing. The Spanish police found a fingerprint at the crime scene, ran it through the database and this man popped up. They sent him to prison even though he wasn't even in the same country at the time of the bombing, just to find out that there was another man in Spain with his exact same fingerprint. As a future forensic technician, this gave me nightmares. This man could have been put to death!

You are now a little bit more educated about the pseudo science behind forensic science, but please don't stop now. Please continue educating yourself on this. Bring awareness to other students, defense lawyers, forensic scientists, judges and anyone who can make a change. We want more education for this field, we want more tests and longer education. We want truthfulness and reliableness. The fact that police departments are cutting their paycheck is completely unacceptable. They need to become their own entity so that they can be more reliable and less pressured to sway the way the police wants them to.  We want growth and stability. There needs to be steps that forensic scientists can take to be able to prove, or disprove a theory. Lastly, we need to make sure that we don't completely rely on one forensic technician or his/her job title. We need to make sure they are actually educated enough to say that someone did something. If we can't do that, then we need to stop presenting these forensic scientists as experts. 

[therealestatesparkblog]

The $30k Rental Property: How to Finance & Profit From Cheap Real Estate

Like fire bolts out of the sky, there have been quite a few posts (or should I say daggers) thrown around the #biggerpocketsphere (yes, you heard this term here first, folks) about the 2% rule or 1% rule or whether you should buy under $30k or over $30k. Or I am a better investor because I am taller than you (I am well over 6 foot, so probablyand I can actually reach the roof if I am on an incline on the side of a ranch house that is headed up hill). Or My investment makes .09374% over yours, or My paint color is actually far superior to yours; lets be honest, mine is obviously better. Why? Because its mine. Welp. That cleared it up. Or maybe not. Why I Like the $30k Investment Property You see, I initially chose to buy houses in the $30k range because it was an area I understood, they were houses I could afford, and the rate of returns on the properties were solidin the 2% range. None of this tells the whole picture. A point many of these posts make is thatany place you can buy a $30k house, you can probably buy crack, get shot at, and most likely not walk around after darkor at all without guns and a bodyguard. I cant speak for every square block of the continental United States, but I can speak to this: I have owned houses that cost more than $30k that were in terrible neighborhoods that I regretted buying.I have owned houses that cost more than $30k that were in great neighborhoods.Ihave owned houses that cost less than $30k that were in great neighborhoods. I can also say, now that I know the neighborhoods to buy in, I havent bought a house recently at this price point that wasnt safe, that wasnt a solid house, that was in a bad area of town, and that didnt make a great return on investment. The one I just bought a few months ago was $26k, and I put about $5k into it. Its cute as a button, and my management company calls it the dollhouse. As far as the tenants, they pay on time (usually), everything is ACH transferred, and I receive the funds to my bank account. Related: Newbies Take Note: You STILL Shouldnt Buy Houses for $30,000 After thinking through what some may deem the armpit of the real estate investment world, let me help clear up a few things if you find yourself lookingat this price point, interested in making 20-25% ROI, and you cant figure out if you should pull the trigger or not. 3 Keys to Succeeding With a$30k Rental Property1. Understand: its $30k Not $300k or $3m Guess what, I dont put granite in my $30k rental houses! I know crazy, you say. And I also dont put high end finishes or finely crafted vanities or cabinets. I DO do the following: make sure the roof is in great condition, as well asall other major expense things, like the HVAC, plumbing system, and electrical systemand I have those things built into my purchase and renovation at the beginning of the project. We make sure the property is clean. We have started to put in tub surrounds and new plumbing lines to the shower/tub. The surround is relatively cheap; we are able to check the plumbing in the bathroom at that time, andthe surrounding is easily fixable if there is an issue. We also put money into good, working toilets, faucets, and anything that nickel and dimes us with maintenance later. Also keep in mind, $30k here in the Midwest is definitely different than $30k in South Florida, or San Diego, or Orange County, or Maui. Its not the princes palace. But its a house, a pretty decent house. I cant buy a house with a bad roof and a broken basement in this price range; it doesnt make finance sense. But I can put a roof on a house in this range if the kitchen and bathrooms are in okay shape and the house needs things more like paint, carpet or vinyl flooring. 2. Know that Paying $30k Doesnt Mean You Should Buy in Bad Areas My properties are in areas where I have driven, chatted up neighbors, walked, and spent a lot of time doing the homework. Understand the demographic who lives inthe surrounding blocks of the subject house you are interested in and what the ebb and flow of the neighborhood is. Sometimes its simple: its families in the neighborhood, and they dont make a lot of money. It doesnt mean they dont take care of their properties, or they arent good people. These kinds of neighborhoods can have terrible pockets with a few blocks you dont want to buy on, or the reverse. Also keep in mind that for places where there is only a smallarea that is in good condition, it is more likely thatthearea can slip quicklyinto a neighborhood you wouldnt want to be in if a few more houses become vacant or tenants and owners stoptaking care of the properties. The bad areas of town provide even higher ROI, but there is often active gang activity, higher criminal incidents, and having owned properties in some of these neighborhoods (in my earlier days I dont buy there anymore), I also felt the quality of tenant was not great in termsof them caring for the property, and I ended up dealing withcosts associated with tenant turnover. I did read the book The Section 8 Bible, and good for those guys. It wasnt for me. 3. Aim to Set a Precedent With a Nicer House Than the Average in the Neighborhood The last few properties we have done, Ive spent just a little more time and a little more money on them. We are talking a LITTLE bit of money, as well asa little creativity. The reasoning was, looking at the surrounding comparable properties, I felt that we could get a better tenantand make more money in the long runif we made it a little nicer. With the caveat that I dont believe this is true in all areas, you need to make sure you think through this proposition. In the section 8 houses I used to own, this was not typically the case, and I spent a lot of unnecessary money. When you or the property manager meet with the renters, explain your philosophy. Its a great house, and we have done x,y, and z to make sure that all the systems in the house are working. And its well insulated, so your utilities will be low, and it has a brand new _____ ,_____, and _____. And our expectation is that when you move out, the walls look as good as they do now, and the carpet is easily cleaned, or you will be paying for these things to be fixed/replaced. Maintenance is an ROI killer. I have learned this the hard way. We need to stay more on top of issues in these houses because they are typically older, and things do break. Make sure you are in the property a few times a year, and make sure you are communicating with the tenants about what is going on. Explain to them it is not a bad thing for them tocall you; you want to know if there is an issue. Related: Dont Buy That Cheap Property! (UNLESS) Now, on to the lending. Both Creative Financing and Bank Financing Work There are two ways I have purchased these properties. Private Mortgage I put down 30%, and the private mortgage holder had a first lien position mortgage. In this area, I paid about 10% interest on the mortgage, and it was a 30 yr AM (amortized over 30 years) with a 3 year balloon. Bank Financed Yes, I know. There are a lot of banks that dont touch anything under $50k or $75k. But there are many that do. Here is the secret: Pick up your telephone. Community banks, credit unions, and nearly any bank that makes local underwriting decisions (so far that I have found) has been able to do whatever loan amount they wanted. And even better, it is typically on the lower end of the mortgage persons approval amount; as in, the mortgage person has an approval amount they can do themselves, and then typically the branch VP or President will have an amount much greater than the mortgage banker, and they can approve up to that amount in house. One who I know can approve up to $250k in house. With the banker, you are paying rates above the owner occupant, but I just got a mortgage on a house for 5.5% and 1 pointfor a $30k loan balance. Tell me that aint sweet! Yeah, it is. So there are ways to fund and finance these properties besides cash. Ask your lender how they like the property. Maybe the bank doesnt want to fund the deal until the property is fixed and rented. No problemhave your private or hard money person fund it, fix it, get it rented, and refinance the property. Give your banker as much information as possible at the beginning of the transaction, and keep them up to date on everything that is happening. Happy buying! Properties at the $30k mark will remain in my rental portfolio for the foreseeable future. Were republishing this article to help out our newer readers. What kind of properties are you buying, and what is your target property, hold timeframe, and ROI requirement? Lets talk $30k investments in the comments below! https://www.biggerpockets.com/blog/2014/12/03/30k-rental-property-real-estate-profit-finance-cheap/

[sailorrrvenus]

6 Tips for Photographers from a Vogue Model

I’ve been working as a model for over four years now, which I love, but there’s plenty of room for improvement in the way that models are treated in the industry and I feel like this is a good place to start. I love collaborating with photographers on creative shoots and editorials, and mostly I find the people that I work with respectful and kind, but there’s always one or two!

Tip #1: Encourage a Healthy Working Environment

If you want to think of your photography as a career option rather than just a hobby then you should extend that professionalism to the people you work with. For example, models should be able to take breaks for food or water or to use the bathroom. When shooting on location, perhaps consider stopping halfway through for a quick break in a nearby coffee shop for comfort, or providing water or even a blanket if it’s cold out.

Never expect your models to change outfits in public, it’s fine if they offer and are comfortable doing so but don’t act like it’s a given; instead, allow models to change in nearby public bathrooms for privacy.

If you have organized a test shoot then it is fine to agree to TFP compensation for your models, but if you have been approached by a brand or other company and you yourself are being paid, you should definitely compensate your models financially, as well as providing images for them to use, if your contract with the brand allows – if not then the compensation should reflect the lack of images.

It is also important to respect other commitments of your model, they may need to leave at a certain time or not be available before a certain time and this may mean that you have to shoot slightly quicker than you would otherwise like to but it is important to remain respectful of this, especially if you aren’t paying them for their time.

Tip #2: Make Your Contracts Fair, and Mutually Beneficial

“TFP” as mentioned previously, stands for “Time For Prints” (or “Time For Photographs”) meaning that there is a mutual exchange between the model and photographer- the photographer donates their time and skill and the model receives prints or copies of the photographs for their own use. TFP is a very common means of operation in the current market, and it is important for contracts to reflect this fair exchange.

It is important that the photographer realize that they aren’t the only creative force at work during a shoot. Ideally, the ideas of all team members should be considered and respected equally.

An annoyingly common issue I’ve had to deal with when shooting TFP is feeling like you’ve shot some genuinely good quality and useful images, and then only receiving black and white images.

Of course, if this was the concept agreed on beforehand then this is completely fine but if not, it isn’t exactly fair. Instead, if you think that the black and white files look better for some reason then feel free to send those to your model as well, but also send them the same images in full color, as this is only fair and polite.

Another equally frustrating thing that some photographers do is to not want to share what they feel is their best work with other members of their creative team, which again is very unfair to all the other parties that were involved in the shoot.

The emphasis with TFP shoots should be that all creative parties’ contributions are treated equally and fairly. Always send over high-resolution files in color, and preferably without a watermark on them as this looks very unprofessional.

Tip #3: Always Respect a Model’s Safety and Boundaries

Anyone who has ever worked as a model for any amount of time will quickly learn one thing: you don’t always get to feel safe at work. In fact, you tend to feel unsafe quite often.

This feeling is typically more likely if the creative team is smaller, for example just a photographer and a model – a very common arrangement.

Thankfully, I have been in only a small amount of genuinely risky situations as a model throughout my career, but it shouldn’t be an accepted or expected part of the job. Karl Lagerfeld famously said earlier this year that “if you don’t want your pants pulled about, don’t become a model”. It’s actually not a particularly controversial opinion to have, and low-level forms of physical and sexual assault are almost an accepted part of the job. This is far from being a problem with just photographers, or a problem with even a considerable percentage of working photographers, but you as a photographer can do your bit to help.

I would hope that this would go without saying but based on my own experience it sadly doesn’t, but make sure you always respect a model’s personal and professional boundaries, never push a model to shoot in a way that they aren’t comfortable with and if they wish to bring a chaperone with them to a shoot then let them. As a photographer, you should try to create a working environment that allows models to voice what they are or aren’t comfortable doing and always respect that without trying to convince them to go beyond that.

Tip #4: When Posing Try to be Specific

This is particularly important if you are shooting with a new or less experienced model, as they may not be familiar with how to pose themselves properly.

Not long ago I was given a vague and bizarre piece of posing advice which was to “just be water” as this was in line with the theme of the shoot. Needless to say, I didn’t have a particularly clear idea of what they wanted me to do.

This is a reasonably extreme example, but it’s quite a common problem. If you’re shooting with a more experienced model and you’re happy to just let them do their thing then that’s completely fine but if you’re looking for something quite specific it’s usually helpful to have a mood-board of specific posing styles rather than relying on vague directive statements alone.

The same can be applied to editorial and e-commerce shoots as well. It may also be helpful for you to show them the poses that you want them to do, you may feel silly doing this but they also probably feel quite silly trying to follow vague posing advice while being given little to no feedback.

Communication, in general, is undervalued in collaboration, and many photographers I’ve worked with have been quiet and introverted, making it difficult to actually understand what they are trying to achieve.

One of the best ways for a beginner to pose is through “mirroring” where both the photographer and model relax and then the photographer moves into a pose, expecting the model to mirror the actions and achieve the same pose. This also allows the photographer to directly see what needs to change in front of their eyes, and can adjust themselves and therefore the model appropriately.

Tip #5: Do Not Diminish the Role of a Model

I can’t tell you how many shoots I’ve been on where the photographer has made some kind of backhanded comment about how easy it is to model compared to what they do, or sometimes compared to having a ���real job.” Now don’t get me wrong, models are met with these sorts of comments all the time, from all sorts of people who do all sorts of different jobs. But it is a lot more annoying coming from someone that you actually have to work with.

One of the worst incidences I encountered was when I was on a shoot for a graduate clothing brand and almost the second we started shooting the photographer starting saying things like “your poses need to be more interesting” (see my previous point), “come on! I thought you’d done this before!?” and “the only difference between you and any other girl on the street is your ability to pose, so pose!”

Needless to say, this was far from encouraging. I appreciated that this was a high fashion style shoot and required some more “interesting” poses, but as we were just starting to shoot I was surprised by the sudden aggression. It is completely fine to expect a certain standard from a more experienced model, but it is your duty to communicate this in a tactful and constructive way, rather than insulting and denigrating your subject.

Tip #6: Always Credit Your Talent

This is more of a prevalent problem on social media rather than in print, but it is still important to credit everyone involved in a creative project. This does differ greatly depending on whether or not you have approached a model through an agency or not as most modeling agencies require that you credit them rather than the individual model. However, if you have arranged a shoot with a freelance model, or a model that is signed to an agency or agencies non-exclusively, then it is preferable to credit them as an individual.

Giving people appropriate credit for the work that they have put into a project is another way to show them that you respect their work and value their input. It is very commonplace for a photographer, or another creative team member, to credit everyone involved on social media and not the model. This, as well as being credited in caption but not linked to your actual profile, makes it even harder for a model to market themselves on social media, which is increasingly important.

About the author: Arianne Hargrave has been working as a professional fashion and fine art model since 2015. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. Hargrave has been featured in Vogue Italia, Scorpio Jin, and the front cover of Afi Magazine. She is open to collaboration and can be contacted through her Instagram and her full portfolio can be viewed on her website.

Image credits: All photos by Simon King

source https://petapixel.com/2019/03/01/6-tips-for-photographers-from-a-vogue-model/

[madigabz]

1-21-18

Yesterday was so busy at work I slept until 2:30pm today...I was still able to get one thought in before I passed out & that was me calling you my bf on the phone. I didn't mean to do that. I am trying to find out where to move to. If I stay here or go to South Carolina. I like it here and I don't want to be away from my siblings bc so much bs happened months after I moved to Colorado and I hated not being there 😞

I know we aren't dating. Honestly Alan, I have expected you to be with other people this whole time. Just like Valentyne giving you trust issues, you have given me them as well. You say you live in the present, but that's really contradicting when you're comparing me to that cunt in any aspect. Even if you don't fuck someone as soon as you get out- I'm going to get old. And if you need new pussy/ arm candy, like you do $ I have no luck. So please don't sugar coat your intentions and lie to me. I'm sorry I hurt you but to be honest with you; I never expected to end up in a relationship with you. Read this draft I found the other day about you

"1-16-13 when i said id stop talking to you you said shit happens-you said you would of neverrr been with me if makayla lived closer-you said shit happens if you get put back into foster care-you dont care if ppl are in your life or not-you walk away easily-you get pissed off easily-you get closer to me then ignore me and sometimes tell me you want to be done-you called me a bitch and you wouldnt sit in the back with me for whatever reason when we went to detroit then you fucked me at whits gmas..why do you think i slept on the couch?-you barely text me or talk when we hang out-you dont explain yourself all that much anymore-you like being right too much or proving your point :p-you rather be pissed off then fix it, even if what you heard was a rumor

you know me-i could tell you anything-you like the things people hate-youre real, sometimes-you see life the same way i do i think-you can be a gentlemen and drive or wipe off my car or just be sweet or cute-we have a five second rebound with each other-youre honest-you dont like getting close to people-youre stubborn-youre so adorable 🙂 <3-im scared that youll just walk away and be able to do it like i was nothing-you make me feel special when you say some of the things about why you like me & how i make you feel-you make me happy the way not a lot of people can-you play xbox too much and you arent social-youre playful-youre cute with kids-you do you and you dont change for people or around people-you always mess with me and attempt to give me hickies!!!!-you warn me and mess with my head-and you give up on a lot so easily-but i always have fun with you laughing and smiling

ill never meet another you thats for sure

and youve taught me how to be more independent and not put up with shit

even though i put up with a lot of your damn shit lol

i dont think we will date or ever get along all that well, itd never work i feel like but i wanted you to ask me out so badly especially when i found out you were going to! But im happy i met you even if youve made me feel really shitty before you were def one of those people to come into my life to learn from them. I trust you and I trust you with my happiness so I hope we can just make the best out of everything."

Alan, I don't expect anything from you. I do appreciate you and value you so much. But we were never suppose to be together, we are each others soul mates and all that we have done and continue to do is teach each other. I made all these videos this past year, talking about the shit you'd say to me while visiting. Saying to myself that we aren't going to work out 😞 even if I excuse all of the past, you still say shit that isn't okay. I've mentioned everything before so I'm not going to sit here and play the blame game. I know I did this. I sacrificed everything hoping you'd change your views on everything in your life. Values & thoughts. I couldn't do anything to help you see the beauty in this world or even within myself. Bc nothing is enough for you to be happy and satisfied. I am going to mail out everything I read today back in October. You won't want to read once you're out lol. It'll explain so much to you. I appreciate you telling me how you feel and I'm glad you're saying it before you get out. "You need to figure out where and who is best for you and do it." It's not that easy bc the bigger picture isn't about me and my feelings. I gave in and went to see you last month....but I know that all that we go through is a lesson that we are suppose to learn from in this life. Our souls have been through many lifetimes and ALL of our souls have to find our divine purpose in each life/ journey they encounter. We are just in the skin of two souls that have been together in past lives. Just like I said at 17 yos you are someone I am suppose to learn from.

What do you mean about learning from my actions, even my picture perfect as? lol. I know it wasn't smart, I had a feeling that something was going to happen. But I'm wreckless and destructive. I consider as my future as well, but I'm still only relying on myself. Which is the way it should be... but I have always known that I was going to be alone, doing my own thing; living in my own world on this journey. I don't hold anything to anyone. I don't anticipate on people staying or even being the person I project them out to be. And I own my own pain that I self inflicted. I accept that chance & still see people for the beautiful, imperfect human being that they are. People are worth the pain. You are worth the chance. "You can't change someone that doesn't want to change for themself." That just shattered so much hope I had for you. I just want the best for you and for you to be positive and happy. Meditating, eating well, healthy, HAPPY. But idk how to do that for you and the more I try the more my heart keeps breaking. And I keep surprising myself. I think that I can't hurt more, but it's never true. I know it all happens for a reason Alan. I'm trying to be as strong as you've taught me to be. Angel told me I had darkness in me that doesn't belong to me. I hold this cloud too no matter how much I try to shine. There's negative in everyone but you drive to the bad instead of ever being optimistic and seeing the good. You'll see in my letter... being aware and knowledgeable makes you more prone to being sad and having no hope. A new girl at the candlelab, Arin, is just like me. She went to Australia and Australians were shocked over how many ppl are depressed and have anxiety in America. She says they don't touch the food we eat everyday. She says it's the food- sugar and pesticides. America is so far up it's own ass we don't see how shitty everything actually is here. so unauthentic. I believe in karma. But beyond religion, what we believe in, luck or karma- all that matters is how we deal with it. I just ram into so much in my life that I am trying to be more gentle to myself and my feelings. I have been trying to mend myself so much lately. Learn how to handle this. Idk how moms deal with soooo much negativity and crazy shit that happens within her family. Like meme and my mom. So much makes sense to me now. I know nothing makes you happy Alan. Not even me, and everytime you let me go- bc you say "you know you aren't good enough" I run back. Even though I can't love you through it, I still try to pour all of me into you. Because I love you. But both of us are so exhausted already. What's the meaning to life? Being in the present, self love...we destroy our planet and all that we have is this earth. There must be other planets with living organisms. Who knows why we are here. Ppl have babies to try to make themselves feel better and be happy. But the world is so corrupt why keep us around? I'm just sleeping and moving, I'm not "living." Being a virgo my purpose is "I serve." That's literally what life consists of and I actually 100% agree with that and know its true. Aries is "I am." Tbh with you you are the only reason why I want to live and it shouldn't be that way. You have too much power over me and no matter how much I want to trust..I just can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not letting myself have the strength to go on on my own </3.It's time. I'm thankful for the trees and that I can swim. I just want to swim away. Just keep swimming for the rest of my life....what's happiness? What's the purpose of life? Self love. That's all that I got. All that I have left. All that I'm trying to get to. I hope everything goes good for your out date too. I don't think we should we fuck. And I understand if you want to be with other people. I've been slowly peeling off the band aid and it's time to rip it off.

I still want to pick you up but I can’t sleep with you. You’re my best friend but I don’t want to lie to myself or you. You know I’m not your future. Are both of us suppose to walk alone our whole lives? You know you got me wrapped around your finger. Do you have to let it linger? I’m sorry I hurt you. I hope all that I’ve done has helped you begin your spiritual journey to the light. Happiness, optimism, self love & rightousness. You’re definitely the reason for mine. Crying all day.

You’ll be out here so soon. Taking on the world and conquering it...I love you warrior.

[athena29stone]

She Hired Me! Betty Shiver, the woman who convinced me to become a teacher

Betty Shiver on episode 194 of the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

In today’s show, Betty Shiver, my former curriculum director and the person who convinced me to become a teacher and I talk about teaching. We discuss hiring, inspiring, and having conversations that inspire people to change and improve their classrooms.

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Below is an enhanced transcript, modified for your reading pleasure.For guests and hyperlinks to resources, scroll down.

***

Enhanced Transcript

The Person Who Hired Me to Teach

Link to show: www.coolcatteacher.com/e194 Date: Thursday, November 16, 2017

Vicki: This week for the 10-Minute Teacher, we are running a couple of extended episodes. I wanted to talk to some people in my life for who I am really thankful for their presence.

Who is Betty Shiver?

Today, we have Ms. Betty Shiver. She was my curriculum director for many, many years. She also convinced me to go into teaching. If you want to know the secret behind who I am, it’s really because Ms. Betty has been there all these years. You would not see anything that I have on my blog without here. In fact, when I started blogging I went to her and said, “I’m doing this crazy thing called blogging. Will you read my blog?” She was kind of my accountability partner here on campus.

So, Ms. Betty, first of all… I was in the business world and you saw me and somehow you convinced me to try out teaching for a year. You’re kind of known for finding people who would make great teachers. I’m trying not to compliment myself, but there are other people that you’ve found who have just gone on to win all kinds of awards as well.

What do you look for to figure out who would make a great teacher?

Betty: Woooo. I guess I look for people with enthusiasm, people who like people (especially children), somebody intelligent, somebody who has energy and passion… Somebody who wants to do something and is excited… Somebody who is… I don’t know, it’s just that “something” and that gleam in the eye.

It’s not something you can put your finger on, but you can just see it — that “it” in people who want to do something special. They want to give. They want to effect.

And where in the world can you do more than teaching children? How can you effect the world more than in shaping the next generation? I don’t know. If you look at enough people, if you talk to them, you can just see it. You can just see it there.

Vicki: Now, you’ve been teaching for more than thirty years, and you love kids. But also, I just remember for example, when Flat Classroom happened. So many of the projects in my classroom happened because I went to you, and we had conversations.

You’re kind of famous for having conversations that spark change, and this is a difficult thing in many schools.

What’s your strategy for helping us teachers change and innovate?

I really don’t know how you do it. It’s kind of like I woke up one day and realized that all of the big things I’ve done have kind of come from a conversation with you. It’s like, What’s your secret? I want to know it, too!”

Betty: I guess it starts with listening to people. One of the things I do best is go to people and listen, “What are you doing? What do you want to do?”

“Well, if I can’t do that, why don’t we try something out…” And that’s where it starts.

Ideas. I got so many ideas from you. Then I just kind of took the ideas and ran with it.

It’s all in the approach with people. You approach, then you listen, then you suggest, and then you say, “Why don’t we try…” It’s kind of a gradual thing, that you get people to try new things or new ideas.

But the main thing is that you do it with them. You get them to buy in if YOU buy in. You become part of the process. If you do, then people will just about follow you anywhere if you’re with them. If you do it with them.

Vicki: So how do you make people feel like you’re with them? Because you know… I don’t know how you are where you are to have these conversations happen. (laughs)

DO you have habits? Do you like to walk the building? Do you like to pop in on people? How do you allow this, and nurture these conversations?

How do you nurture change-making conversations?

Betty: Yeah… Drop in whenever they’re free — before school, after school. You kind of become part of their personal lives in a way. “How’s your family? What’s going on with you?” You listen.

“What’s going on with your projects?” You know, what’s going on in their classroom. In so many ways, teachers are isolated. They like to talk about what they’re doing, and so sometimes you just listen.

When you listen and they know you’re interested and they’re open to what you have to say — because you’re’ open to what they have to say. So it’s kind of a two-way street.

Vicki: What do you think some of the biggest mistakes are that school leaders make? I mean it might be a curriculum leader. It might be whoever.

What are the biggest mistakes that people make in schools that make it hard to help teachers change?

Betty: Again, I think it’s (not) listening to them. I think the smartest people in our schools are the people in the classrooms, because they’re in the trenches.

I think sometimes big decisions — big sweeping decisions — are made that don’t concern the teachers, that don’t concern the children, and aren’t in the best welfare of the bottom line, (rather than) the children themselves. I think that’s a huge mistake.

When I think about why… “Why don’t kids read? Why can’t kids read?” That’s a big mystery to me. “Why do kids that can’t read come out of schools?”

We can teach children to read. It’s a lot of work. But I can’t understand WHY (laughs) those things don’t happen! They should.

Vicki: So, it’s listening. It’s really paying attention.

Betty: I think it is. I mean, there are a lot of good answers out there, if somebody’s willing to listen, and then try to make them happen.

Vicki: So, when you think back over thirty years, what do you think one of your biggest mistakes was? And you have to be careful, because we’re both at the same school, and we don’t name names, and all that. But just big picture, “I wish that I had done this differently.”

What are your biggest mistakes?

Betty: My biggest mistake was in my early years, when I just didn’t know any better.

I didn’t know anything about learning disabilities. I didn’t know that there were children that couldn’t learn normally. I mean, somewhere in the back of my mind, I had to have known something. But I look back and see the way that I treated some children, and… and… I hate it!

I feel so guilty about what I didn’t do for some children. I think that’s my biggest regret… the things that I didn’t know when I was younger, when I was in the classroom. Things I didn’t do.

Vicki: You know, learning differences or learning disabilities are just so hard, and that’s near and dear to your heart and my heart both. We’ve seen the kids who overcome and go on to do great things.

Do you have a moment that you think, “OK, this is one of my proud moments…” Like, “This is awesome. This is why I do this job.

What is a proud moment?

Betty: I think… maybe… when I got an email from a student who had left. She’d been gone 15 years. Oh, it was Facebook, and I got a message from her. She told me that she was getting her Masters Degree in Special Ed.

And she said, “Ms. Betty, I wanted you to know. I’ve been meaning to send this to you for years. You’re the reason that I’m in education. You’re the reason that I’m doing what I do.”

I taught her in middle school, and she was one of those kids… I always picked two children every year, wrote their names down, and I was going to give special attention to. She was one of my kids that year. I went to her ballgames, and I took her home because she had struggles at home.

But then when she graduated, she had troubles, she had lots of issues that I heard about through the grapevine. And then, you know, I wasn’t in touch with her.

And then out of the blue… that message came.

So I think, yeah. I think that’s one of the most wonderful things about being in education or being a teacher. You never know who you’ve touched, or how you’ve them.

And so, yeah. Those things kind of keep you going.

Vicki: So as we finish up, you said, “You give me so many quotes. And I quote you all of the time.” One of them is that, “Great teachers are repeaters.”

Betty: (laughs)

Vicki: (laughs)

Because we just have to repeat ourselves so much and it’s ridiculous, but we do. We have to remind kids, “Why are you here? How do you act?” and that’s just one of the things that you do.

But what do you think makes a great teacher? What’s your word, to all the teachers listening, about, “OK. Do this. Because that makes you a great teacher.”

What makes a great teacher?

Betty: Respect for each child, regardless of their ability, regardless of their temperament. You respect them as a person.

Fairness. There are a lot of definitions of fairness. But you treat each child fairly.

I think if you can respect them and treat them fairly, you’ll get that back. And if you do that, then you can teach them.

Vicki: OK, I have to do one more question. This is already an extended episode.

What makes you furious?

Betty: When kids aren’t treated fairly. When their needs are not put first in the classroom. When teachers just don’t look at kids as people with feelings and needs and lives outside of school. They just don’t “see” them. I just think that’s so sad. And it hurts as much as it makes you angry. And there are some things that you just can’t fix… and that makes me furious.

Vicki: Yeah. Because life is a bear, and it’s tough. But you know, teaching’s worth it.

I really don’t know how you convinced me to become a teacher.

Betty: (laughs) I don’t either!

Vicki: (laughs) But I will go on the record and say that basically, what I remember is that you said, “I think that you would make a great high school teacher.”

I was teaching some college classes at the time, and I had my own business. It was totally not on my radar. But I will say that at the time, I knew that one of my three kids had a learning difference, and I knew that there was technology to learn. So I think that was a part of the equation.

What I remember is that Ms. Betty said, “Give it a year, and let’s see what you think.” (laughs)

That was 16 years ago. (laughs)

Betty: And I was desperate at the time, too! (laughs)

Vicki: (laughs)

Yeah. She had kind of been left without a technology teacher at the last minute. I think it was about a month before school started or something. And we did a year. And we traveled the world together. We’ve been to Qatar and Mumbai…

Betty: And Dubai.

Vicki: And Dubai.

We’ve been a lot of places together. It’s been exciting.

One thing that we’ve done is this whole immersion thing… when we travel. The kids back home immerse. And I think that’s kind of been neat, hasn’t it?

Betty: It has.

Vicki: Yeah.

Betty: And we did the Flint River Project, which was a great curriculum project, maybe one of the best we’ve ever done.

Vicki: I think the Flint River Project is probably the single best project I’ve ever seen in my life.

Describe that for us a little bit.

What was the Flint River project?

Betty: We took the whole ninth grade and broke them up…

Vicki: Actually, it was the whole high school, wasn’t it?

Betty: Yeah. The whole high school. We broke them across class groupings into science and social studies and English and math, and…

Vicki: I had a technology group.

Betty: We had — what was it? Four days? And we did the science group who canoed the river, did water testing and biology. We tramped through the river.

We had the history group who did a dig.

The English group wrote poetry on the river and did photography.

And the math group… and the technology group… I don’t remember what all we did. They all had to blog, and they had to post pictures. Then everybody did presentations. Everybody participated. All of the teachers participated. Well, it was just a great project.

Vicki: Yeah. It was hard work.

But a lot of the kids from that time say it was one of the greatest projects.

Well, this week, as we talk about things that we’re thankful for, I am very thankful for Ms. Betty Shiver… and for her mentoring all of these years… and all that she’s done for students, because it’s all about the kids. She’s helped me adjust my thinking when I messed up. I have messed up a lot.

I just appreciate that — and this is for all of you school leaders out there — if you’re the kind of person that you can go to with your problem, and not feel condemned for having that problem? (If you can) actually feel like, “Let’s try this,” or “Let’s try to do that,” instead of just making you feel — I hate to say — like an idiot.

Ms. Betty has never made me feel like I was dumb or couldn’t do it. But she was a fellow traveler on the journey. I think that school leaders can learn a lot from her. Honestly, if you look at all of my stuff? Her fingerprints are everywhere, because she’s tried a lot of stuff with me, and she’s encouraged me, and helped me become a much better teacher.

So I hope you’ve enjoyed this journey into someone I’m thankful for.

And I look forward to sharing other episodes.

Transcribed by Kymberli Mulford

kymberlimulford@gmail.com

Bio as submitted

Betty has been in education since 1968, first starting as a language arts teacher. She has been teaching at Westwood Schools in Camilla, Georgia since 1980 and served as interim headmaster from 2001-2002. Betty Shiver has been the curriculum direct at Westwood Schools for many years. Although she recently “retired” from that job, she still teaches composition to ninth graders.

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored podcast episode.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via cash payment, gift, or something else of value to include a reference to their product. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I believe will be good for my readers and are from companies I can recommend. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.) This company has no impact on the editorial content of the show.

The post She Hired Me! Betty Shiver, the woman who convinced me to become a teacher appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

from Cool Cat Teacher BlogCool Cat Teacher Blog http://www.coolcatteacher.com/e194/

[isaacathom]

technically the logical extension o Rhia’s arc is for her to actually become the Champion in between the ‘first’ game and the ‘second’ but i also feel like that only makes sense if she took the e4 job willingly. which she ONLY does if you reconcile her and Elliot. if they dont reconcile, she takes the job out of a sense of duty, not because she explicitly wants it. she DOES, like she does want the job, because even if she hates authority on some level she still really wants to be a powerful trainer and protect people. but she didnt go into it with the right mindset. but if Rhia and Elliot sort out their problems, Rhia is able to deal with her issues with authority and take the e4 job with glee. she revels in it! she loves it! its the culmination of her childhood dreams! and this would allow her to become the champion in future, should Gwendolen allow it (bearing in mind Gwen is a fucking beast). but if Rhia still has that slight block, if she and Elliot didnt really deal with their problems ‘correctly’ (constructively?) then Rhia wouldnt have the drive. so even if Gwendolen said ‘hey Rhia you’re really strong. would you consider trying to become the Champion?’ she’d probably say no! even though, in her heart, she really wants to. but being unable to deal with Elliot properly is a block on that, for her.

its like. the thing with the split ending is that, even though Rhia becomes the e4 member no matter WHAT route you put her down (due to postgame content), Rhia doesn’t get to feel correctly about Elliot. with Reconcile, your actions prove to her that Elliot has changed, and she opens up to the possibility of sorting out their problems, which ultimately allows both of them to grow. not to move past, because Rhia’s life has been intimately shaped by his actions, but to grow with it instead of remaining stunted. but Split, your actions prove he HASNT changed, so she is closed to the idea. so when Elliot basically forces her to consider that he’s changed (by intervening in the confrontation with Felicity and nearly getting himself actually killed like straight up human murdered) its not right. she still ends up acknowledging that he has changed, but the context for that revelation changes EVERYTHING for her. because in reconcile, its mutal. in split, its one sided, and its elliots side, forcing what he wants onto her AGAIN. and even if Rhia doesn’t consciously acknowledge this (if she did she’d probably fucking shatter so its for the best), she’s aware of this dissonance on some level and it continues to hold her back.

the only way to properly reconcile these differences (in routes, not elliot/rhia, fuck) is for that hypothetical second game to recognise those choices you made, and change the formation of the whole elite 4 around it. like, in the ‘first’ game, the only change that is made is whether Elliot is in the e4 at all. Rhia will be in the e4 by the end regardless, but Elliot can be there for a while (at least once - you can take on the league during te postgame story though thats a weird choice for you to make as a player but i mean fuck it power to the player?). but in the second game, as an extension OF that choice, it changes whether Rhia is just an e4 member or if shes the champion, WHICH then extends to affecting Gwendolen, who would now just be a regular elite. and that seems like a lot of effort to make? though it would be kind of fun. the ‘default’ would be Rhia Champion because i make the rules.

though if i was going to allow the E/R routes to have that much of a consequence, then id have to make the same allowance for Sam, since the asumption is if you ended up with team!Sam (who then disappears after the tower because /they got arrested/) they would return in the second game as a Villain. or could they be reformed? thats the issue. once Sam is arrested i imagined that the player would get one last chance to talk to them, maybe apologise or wish them good luck, or say shit like ‘good riddance’ or laugh. and if thats the case, would THAT dialogue feed in? would a Sam who received an apology act the same as a Sam who did not? i dont think so! id hope that the apology would help Sam be a better person, while an insult would make Sam more bitter and more likely to commit more crimes in their future! so THAT alone is like, a SPLIT in the route, meaning theres actually 4 permutations of Sam. apology!sam, insult!sam, neutral!sam, and friend!sam. which is a shit to fuck. my god. thats so much. admittedly neutral!sam does fuck all, but friend!sam would have a place, absolutely. they’d be working with Mattie and Rhia and all the other org loyalists to continue running the region but properly this time. insult!sam is off being a big part of whatever new villain appears. and apooology!sam issss..... maybe double crossing? their past as a Team member allows them power in the new villains group but theyre good intentions allow them to work with the ‘new org’ and they can double agent. which would lead to some significant differences. then theres Zeke, who i STILL havent figured out what the fuck is doing. and THEN theres the other characters who would exist in that game who would have their own routes. itd be a clusterfuck, is my point.

idek what this is useful for. psychoanalysing Rhia? about right. if she doesnt get closure the way she wants it - with mutual understanding - then she never truly grows. on the surface she may end up in a similar place, doing similar things, but its where she goes from there. with closure, shes free to move forward onto other things, other problems. it will always be there, but it can be managed. if the closure doesnt come or it comes wrong, it will be harder to manage and she cant move past it as much. yay! she can only unlock her potential if she closes that door to that which holds her back and confronts it. and while forcing her to confront it is ONE way to do that, allowing her to make that choice to close it herself at her own speed is more meaningful to me and lets her feel satisfied with the outcome.

in the hypothetical far future, a split!Rhia, even though she has technically reconciled with Elliot, will probably never truly come to terms with it until he dies. and he will, probably 10-20 years after the end of the postgame. thats when a split!Rhia will open herself proper, but its too little, too late. the ability to have proper closure is lost and im fucking projecting arent i. god fucking dammit. im projecting. nooopppeee zip that shit we arent do that again.

idk maybe if i got closure id be able to give Rhia the closure she deserves but i imagine she’d end up in the same boat as me, where she’s never able to properly close the door on that chapter of her life and it hangs open at all times, flapping in the wind. she can never truly right it off. and maybe if he’s not there she’ll be free on some level, and able to move forward in a different way, but it definitely isnt the same, and its not the ending she wants. Rhia wants to confront Elliot and have him be genuine with her and explain himself, and for him to accept what he’s done. if he dies before she thinks he’s done that (or before SHE has properly explained herself in a way that feels satisfying) then its a failure.

this is just some fuck shit.