#and by the right audience i mean pepper /j

[quicksilverdaisyday]

rejoice. bear be upon ye

drew a bunch of stephens referenced from comic panels i saw on here earlier. i want that fat boy /ref

+ a tiny doodle i really like for some reason. ignore the shitty guitar

[nightmaremp]

Weremayhem: Song of Beasts. Ch 26: Filming Beasts.

  Cameras were filming Nora outside the front door of the Shack. She fixed her hair before they started filming. The black haired female clears her throat. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, for years, audiences across the universe have been desperate for a glimpse into the creative process of Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem.” said Nora with a big smile on her face. 

“And today, for the first time ever, I give you what…” she started to add before the camera men moved past her and opened the front door. “Oh! Oh. You’re just going right in. Okay.” said the Label Lady. 

The cameras turn to the band and Moog who were on the couch. Teeth was playing a harmonica as he sat on a dark lime green chair. Floyd and Jancie were on the couch with their instruments. Zoot was behind the two. Lips was sitting in a chair in front of one of the cameras.  Moog look over to see cameras and has a look of confusion on his face. 

Nora runs in, a bit panicked or maybe very happy. “Okay, okay. You may be wondering why a film crew is descending upon your sacred space.” she said. 

“No, I’m not sure. We should start the chorus in G.” said Dr. Teeth. 

“Well, let’s try it in J” replied Floyd Pepper. 

“I figured that you’re finally cranking out songs. We could capture the magic of The Mayhem in an epic rockumentary, huh?” replied the black haired female. 

“Who’s gonna play me?” asked Zoot. 

“You. Yeah, you play you. That’s the best part” replied Nora. 

“All you guys gotta do is bring the love and magic that is the Electric Mayhem” she added. 

“The world needs more love, especially right now” said Label Lady. The mayhem were playing a small beat to a song. 

“And even JJ agrees that this band is pure love.” the black haired female added. Animal stops and him and Moog both look at each other in shock. 

“Wait. I’m sorry, did you say J…” the black haired male started to say. Suddenly JJ comes through the front door. 

“Oh, what’s up, my homies? Whoa, easy” said JJ with a big smile on his face. Animal grunts as he throw something at the guy but JJ ducks. 

“Bad!” yelled the drummer with a growl.

“Whoa!” said the male. 

“Animal, bud, look at me, okay? JJ good, not bad” said Nora. 

“Yeah, yeah, JJ cool, Jj friend” added JJ. 

“Friend?” asked the wild man. 

“Yeah, um, I, too, am confused. Is JJ helping us now?” asked Moog. 

“Actually, after he bought us more time with Penny, we decided to grab a coffee and…” she started to say. 

“Wait, like a date?” asked the black haired male. 

“What?” asked the black haired female. 

“Nothing,” he replied. Why did he say that!

“Back in the day, we’d have these big brainstorming sessions, and seems like we should picked up right where we left off.” replied Nora. 

“And boom! We had a great idea” added JJ with a smirk. 

“Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem get immortalized by having their own rock and roll documentary. Just like The Beatles did with…” The male said before the growls of a angry drummer cut him off. 

Animal try to attack him but Moog stops him. “Get back!” yelled JJ in fear. 

“Okay” said the black haired male as he tried to calm the drummer down.  

“Get back is the name of the Beatles doc, and it’s a smash. And, guess what?” said JJ. 

“We’ve locked in an all-star director to help us get going.” he added. 

Suddenly a guy came running in. “Did someone say one-star director?” he asked. 

“Everyone, meet Kevin Smith. Okay” said Label Lady with a smile on her face. 

“Director of Clerks, Clerks II.” she added. 

“Clerks III” replied JJ. 

“Before you say anything, just know that he’s done so much more than foul-mouthed comedies,” said Nora. 

“I mean he’s made action movies, horror, political satire…” the black haired female started to say. 

“And whatever Yoga Hosers was.” replied the good doctor with a chuckle. 

“Oh, wow, burn” replied Janice. 

“Dr. Teeth, you still got the bite. Man, I have missed all of you so much” replied Kevin Smith with a smile on his face. 

“Brosci!” said Animal with a laugh as he run up to the male. 

“Ahh! Get in here” he replied as they hugged each other. 

“Brosci” said the drummer happily. 

“Of course, you guys know each other” said the black haired female in shock and with some joy in her voice. 

“Yeah, he’s our Bro Pesci, our Broey Ramone, our Broseph Gordon-Levitt. We go way back” replied Floyd as he stood up from the couch. 

“Oh yeah, you wouldn’t wanna meet me back in the old days.” replied Smith. 

“I was a real square from Jersey until I met the Mayhem” he added. 

“Ooh, for sure,” replied the blonde female. 

“Now, after a lifetime of making critically panned R-rated movies, I’m finally ready to embrace family-friendly entertainment,” said Kevin. 

“I wanna make a film about all the joy and love brought into this world by my favorite band,” he added. 

“The Commodores,” replied Zoot. 

“Not the Commodores. I’m talking about The Mayhem!” replied Kevin Smith. 

“You guys!” he said with a smile on his face. 

“All right,” replied Floyd Pepper. 

“Now, listen to me very carefully.” replied Kevin. “You see this camera?” he said as he pointed to a camera. 

“Yeah,” the mayhem replied. 

“Okay. Do not look into this camera” Smith replied. 

“No, no, no, no, no” replied the band. 

“Yeah, I want you to act naturally,” replied Kevin Smith. “That’s the key, okay? We’ll go for one, here we go” he added. 

“Just gonna act natural,” said Floyd. 

“And, action,” said Smith. The band quickly looked dead into the camera. 

[modx-reborn]

The first prefromance

Something I spoke of in a discord I'm in.

So here have Simpbur and CamGirl/Camboy reader doing a show with them after working his way into their close circle.

(Yes this plays off of the two cam asks I have gotten recently)

Also please know that real cam girls/boys aren't actually going to do this, this is purely fictional in its makeup.

SMUT UNDERCUT! MINOR DNI!

"That's it j-just like that, all the way like you should be taking me. S-shouldn't be here fucking my hand w-when I could be fucking you, such a pretty thing so good for me, but such a slut t-to let others watch you like this..."

That was the last thing he had said to you on your last private call, since then he had wormed his way further and further into your shows and even into a bit of your personal life, or well your on-screen personal life, as he had the phone number you kept aside for work, from your days as a more in-person performer.

And boy did he ever make use of the number, sending you little messages and photos whenever the thought struck him, peppering you in small doses of affection and savouring the way you called him sometimes when you skipped a stream, offering him to listen to you get off instead letting him hear when you spoke about the toy he had sent you. Sometimes even getting him to call and ask for you to listen to him, getting you to mutter things to him and work him that little bit closer to his end.

But now what you're calling for may just break your dear simp, having had all the fun you could with the silicon imitation he had made for you, that now your mind was thinking about how he would feel rather than the toy. 'S-shouldn't be here fucking my hand w-when I could be fucking you' his own words playing on repeat in your head after you close down your last stream, sending little thank yous to the top donators before moving to the call ping that was coming through.

It was him. Perfect.

"Ahh, there he is, my pretty top boy Simpbur!"

"That was quite the s-show, but what did you mean by you're w-working on something big with someone else?"

"Well, that's good that you asked my dear. You are always so good for me, sending those little messages and all those donations, I was thinking you may want to help me with the next stream..."

"Y-you want me to-"

"Mmhmm, didn't you say yourself that it should be you fucking me, or was it that you should be here in me rather than fucking your hand?"

It's easy to finish your sentence with a tilt of your head, tapping one of your fingers against your bottom lip as if you were actually trying to remember when truly you were just teasing the curly-haired boy staring at you wide-eyed through your screen.

"I. Yes. I-I mean I would love to if you want me to..."

With his agreement the rest of the call was spent hashing out the rough details and leaving him open to suggest what he wanted to do for the show, leaving him with a wink and a reminder to 'Keep it simple' before you logged out and started to pack up and clean down the space you had been working in.

There would be a few weeks between your last show and the next one, having all the platforms you used teasing the next stream with images of the silicone toy being front and centre in all the images, a tease for all your viewers but a reminder for your dear simpbur that he would be more real in your world in a few days. Even when he made up his mind on what he wanted it was still so very hard for him to not scroll back through the recorded calls and streams, take himself in hand and work through the building need.

But he managed to keep his hands off, having worked himself up even before the actual day of the stream.

When you call him, he picks up on the first ring as always chipper and shaky in the same breath as he says your stage name.

"There's my good boy! You ready for tomorrow? Your first time in the red light after all, just want to make sure you're still down and want to do this."

"I-I am. I'm good and... and ready for tomorrow."

With a laugh and a quick goodbye, you hang up, heading off to the regular place you booked for longer shows needing to set up lights and the cams now, otherwise you would likely not have time when your co-star finally made his way to you. And how right you were, the moment the time for the stream rolled around he was there at your door, hands fiddling with the bottom of his button-up, mask and beanie on as if you hadn't seen his face a million times before.

Welcoming him in is easy, but getting him to calm down just enough to have him read back what the two of you had planned took slightly longer. You had him keep his mask and beanie on, using them as a way to keep him from having his real-world life ruined from doing this one little show with you, the suggestion also seems to put some of his nerves to rest.

When the cameras do start rolling, the stream on a start-up timer for switching on to a live stage, your chat on a large screen hanging over your laptop that was actually hosting the show, messages flying past as people are lured in at the promise of a different kind of show and the tagline mentioning a guest star. When the cam starts showing the room you're seated on Simpburs lap, thighs spread wide over his with his hands holding you close while you do your intro, his masked face pressed into your shoulder as he mutters something under his breath.

Your form rocking back into him once you're were done, slipping a hand under his beanie and tangling in his curls, making him groan just loud enough that one of the many mics would be able to hear him, laughing and cooing at him as you reach down with your free hand to wrap around his cock, slowly running your fingers across the heated flesh.

"You'll be good for me won't you? So pretty and brave being here on cam with me, getting a treat that so many would die for..."

His voice falters when you shift your grip, tugging on his hair just as you start to actually move your hand to jerk him off, slipping your hand out of his hair you reach for a little remote, making the camera zoom in as you close your thighs around him, burying his cock between your thighs. Cooing at him once again as his hands are braced on your hips, using this to bounce you on him, head tilted back and panting as he fucks your thighs.

The exposed skin of his neck calling for you to leave a few marks across, a little gift for him to remember this day by, or well more than the stream recording of course, pink and purple marks blooming across his neck as he changes the pace moving you more and more until you can feel him throbbing between your thighs.

"Oh, sweet thing you're cumming already? Are my thighs that good? Can't even hold on for the main performance, or are you that eager for more that you would cum now and still keep going? Hmm, what is it, pretty boy?"

The only answer you receive is a deep groan and the warm feeling of his cum seeping from between your thighs, spreading your legs to show off the mess to your cam, letting everyone who was watching see the mess that he had made. Reading your chat gave you a wonderful idea, they wanted more and you wanted to see just how far you could push your dear simp till he broke and lived up to his wants to actually fuck you.

Flicking across the remote once again the camera angle changes, showing a side view of the bed perfect for what you were planning to do, the angle giving your audience the best show as you move off his lap and kneel on the floor. Holding his cock with one hand as you lean forward to lick a stripe up his shaft, cleaning his mess off with your mouth, taking him fully once most of him was clean looking up at him through your lashes once you have taken him into your throat.

Watching how his eyes go wide, hands shaking when they reach for your head, his eyes flicking up to the chat screen reading over some of the words telling him to fuck your face, to make you cry and drool all over him, and other wanting to be where he was, whining over text that they should have been the one there with you. The majority calling for him to do something, building a need to move in him, slowly he is moving his hips, still sensitive after having cum not moments before but the feeling of your mouth wrapped around him was spurring him on.

Before long his hips are moving properly, holding your head steady as he fucks your mouth watching how you look up at him every time he pushes into your throat, tears building and falling with how harsh some of his thrusts are, but the image just makes him groan. Throwing his head back once again as he works himself back up, trying to hold out and enjoy this feeling for a little while longer, only you had other plans pulling away panting as you take in the way he looks.

Flicking your hands cross the remote once again to switch cameras for the final time settling on one that would let your audience watch how good your dear simp was for you, let them watch how full he makes you feel and how pretty he looks when he cums, when he finally gets what he wanted.

"You ready pretty boy, ready to finally get what you want? What you told me about on all your calls? Take you all the way like I should be taking you?"

"P-please, fuck just please le-let me fuck you..."

In his rush to reach for you, his beanie had come off, brown curls falling out in a mess that you tried to cover again only to have your hands smacked away in favour of him pulling you up onto the bed with him. Throwing your thighs over his own reaching for the bottle of lube you had left waiting to be used, coating his fingers before pressing them into you working you open with one hand as the other is pressed to your shoulder keeping you from moving away from his probing fingers.

"G-God look at you, do-don't even need to work my way up to two fingers, already so r-ready for them... Ready for me."

To quick are his fingers gone replaced by the head of his cock, easing his way in as he moans, hands grabbing your hips to steady himself as he finally gets to feel what it's like to be buried in you just like his toy replica had been so many times before. There is little time between him being fully hilted in you and him starting to move, his hands moving from your hips to under your thighs ignoring the sticky cum still staining them, pushing them back and using the new angle to fuck into you as hard as he liked.

Wanting to have you drooling into the mattress and calling his name, making you remember him and him alone so that if you ever did another show like this, it would be his number you called. That if he did this good enough, fucked you good enough that it wouldn't be on camera the next time he got to fuck you, it would be at your home in your bed, him calling your real name not this stage name you work under.

He comes back from his thoughts when your voice cuts through them, high pitched and whining for him to let you cum, for him to keep going to let you have what you had given him earlier, to feel him cum in you this time.

"F-fuck you w-want me to cum in you? P-paint your inside with me..."

The chat if either of you could see it was still it was running a mile a minute, calling for him to do it, to cum and let them see how it will drip out of you. Others call for him to deny you, keep you begging for your release while he took his own, but neither of you could see those words and so your ends draw near.

"T-that's it, god feels so. So good around me, j-just like I thought you would..."

The rough pace he set becomes almost brutal when he cums, there will be bruises in the shape of his hands come the next few days but that thought paired with the sight of your dear simp losing himself in you was what tipped you over.

The end of the stream was much like the beginning, albeit with a mess of brown curls keeping the camera from seeing how the mask had been pulled down and soft kisses were being placed along your shoulders, the moment you had given the final thanks and turned off all the gear the hands that were wrapped around your waist were pulling you back onto the bed, keeping you as close as possible.

After all the pressure of performing for people falls away, it's easy to give comfort to the man curled around you, wanting him to be comfortable with what you had just done. Once again tangling your hands in his hair only this time to give comfort rather than tease, cooing soft praise until the grip around you eases slightly.

"You did so well, such a good boy for me..."

[alexandenigtscreations]

Chapters: 6/7 Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Poisoning, blaster shot,... Summary:

Juno Steel and Peter Nureyev make a good team. But when a bank job goes horribly wrong, the injured pair are forced to lay low and hope the Carte Blanche can make it back to them in time.

Note: Bold Italic Writing signifies Nureyev speaking Brhamese 

Chapter 6: 

The dim light of the safe house shined supernaturally bright after the darkness outside.  The planetoid revolved slowly, so it would be another day or so before they found themselves back in the sun’s rays.  

Hopefully they would be gone by that time.

Nureyev blinked against the brightness, realizing he cracked a lens during the excursion.  At the moment he was too tired to care.  The Carte Blanch held a spare set or two dozen for just such an occasion.  

No, the only thing he had room to think about was Juno.

Juno, his goddess, was still sleeping on the couch.  Still in the same recovery position that Nureyev had left him in.  

"It's been a- a while - Juno-" he said to the still form.  Juno didn’t stir.  Nureyev hadn’t expected him to.  

All the same, the Thief stumbled over to the Detective and plopped down on the makeshift coffee table.  If he was being honest with himself, and he rarely was, there was something comforting about being this close to his partner again.  

Juno's chest rose and fell with a frantic rhythm and his eye danced under the lid.  Nureyev frowned.  Whatever dream he seemed to be having, it didn’t look to be a good one.  

Nureyev contemplated the wisdom of waking Juno.  If this was their room on the Carte Blanche, he’d have done it already, chasing away the nightmares that plagued him.  He paused, halfway to the pulse point at the lady’s throat.  

The pepper bomb residue still tingled on his skin, it probably wouldn't hurt Juno, goodness knows he was a tough lady- but all the same it would be best to wash up beforehand.

Rita had agreed to message him if she noticed guards near the safe house.  Judging by the live feed she’d sent, the security was still in a frenzy over Nureyev’s earlier theatrics.  That was something, at least.  

He sighed, wilting over his knees.  He should call Vespa.  He should report to the Captain.  He should be securing the safe house.  He should be doing anything other than watching the little dots on the comms screen buzz about his last known location.  

It was some time before Nureyev felt ready to stand again.

The smoke had worked its way into everything.  His hair, skin, clothes, makeup, everything.  This was promising to be a production.

Carefully he shrugged off his coat and set to work in the sink.  A quick glance at the mirror told him what he already knew.  Gone were the knife sharp cat eyes and the carefully contoured cheeks.  Now the coverage was patchy at best and gore splattered at worst.  Nureyev scoured down the grime on his hands and aggressively attacked the makeup streaks.  The water wasn’t working fast enough, each plunge setting him to ache afresh.  Under him, his leg was trembling, threatening to give out at any moment.  

There was nothing for it, he’d just have to shower the stuff off.   It wasn’t like he ever dried off from the earlier river dip anyways.  With an impatient puff of air, he sat himself on the toilet and stripped off boots, socks, corset and shirt.  All of these items have been protected from the worst of the fumes by the long coat.  Not so his trousers.  

At first the icy water activated the chemical residue afresh.  He scrubbed his skin raw with a bar of upscale hotel soap.  Well, the hotel it came from may have been upscale, but the soap itself was as mediocre as any other hotel soap.  He glared at it as though it was it’s fault he was in this mess.  Fresh scrapes and bruises blossomed across his chest and arms.  

The water ran off in muddy brown and rusted red, gradually fading sudsy clear as blood stains and dirt alike were rinsed away.  

Shaking with effort, Nureyev slid down onto the shower stool.  In his impatience, he’d forgotten about the bandage.  

First rule of thieving, Nureyev chastised himself, if you want to stay alive, keep a level head.

Numb fingers struggled with the bandage fastenings.  It was harder to remove the wrappings than it had been to apply them.  He expanded the tear in the leg seam to gain better access, exposing the burn beneath.  The sight churned his stomach, which was something.  He’d never considered himself squeamish.  There was something unsettling about seeing your own flesh distorted in such a fashion….

The angry red of the burn was expected, unpleasant, but expected.  But wasn’t prepared for the purple tinged veins webbing out from the injury or how tight the skin was stretched about it.  

File it away- just file it away.

As soon  as he was out of the shower and re-clothed; Nureyev decided to take Vespa’s advice and down a glass of water.  It repeated on him just as quick and he was left bowed over the sink, coughing and sputtering while his stomach roiled.  His knuckles turned to white over the porcelain as he waited for the nausea to die down.  

Face bare and hair free of product, he could plainly see the high flush on his cheeks and bruised circles under his eyes.  “Oh what are you looking at?” he rasped at his haggard reflection.   He should have known better, did know better.  He’d had enough experience to know when he could and couldn’t keep something down.  

That horrid chill bit deeper into his bones, conspiring with the fire of the injury to make him thoroughly miserable.  

This wasn’t right, he knew.  This wasn’t supposed to be how a blaster shot felt- fresh or no.  Goodness knows he’s had enough of them.  And the purpling veins were down right... unpleasant.

Nureyev sighed, bringing out two glasses of water and a clean cloth ripped in two.

“Juno, love.” Nureyev coaxed, all but collapsing on the tiny coffee table.  He could do this while he slept, but much rather the lady be awake to take his fluids.  “Love-” he coaxed, running his fingers through his curls like he'd wanted to ever since his return.  He was rewarded with a gentle moan and Juno pressing into his hand.  

“Love- You have to drink for me-”

“Don’ feel good.” his voice was so weak, Nureyev tried not to think about what that could mean.  

“I know-” he said, dipping the cloth in the water and bringing it to Juno’s lips, “J-Just take the water from that.”  

Juno pulled away from the cold, hand wrapping around Nureyev’s wrist.  “Naugh’ a child-”

Nureyev chuckled fondly “Drink, or Vespa will have both our heads.”

“Vespa?”

“I d-dare say she isn't too…. pleased at the moment.”

“Wha else ‘s new?” Juno commented, but took the cloth from Nureyev.  He was tentative at first but really started to pull on it, dipping messily back in the cup for more.  

“Slow, if you d-don’t want it repeating on you.” Juno hummed in affirmation.  That would have to do.  

Nureyev took a hit off his own cloth and turned his attention to the injury.  Though the surrounding skin had dried by now, the burn itself was swollen and oozing a clear fluid.  This close and the discoloration to the veins was easy to see.  He didn’t need Vespa to tell him that it had been contaminated.  Didn’t need her to explain that the speed at which the inflammation was spreading was concerning.  Didn’t need her to tell him there was nothing that could be done about it till he returned to the ship.  

File it away.

“Hh-hell, ‘Reyev-” He jumped, twisting to see Juno staring.  His eye was wide, glassy and his parlor was more ashen than before.  

“Lay back love.” Nureyev soothed, gently pushing Juno back.  The Detective collapsed under his gentle touch with a little strangled sound.  “D-don’t look.”  He hadn’t meant for him to see.  The thought of moving to another room, of having to stand another minute, made him sick.  Still, he should have tried harder to spare Juno.  

“It’s- bad-” as distorted as his words were, Nureyev could tell it was a statement, not a question.  

“Nothing that c-can’t be managed.” he shivered.  He almost believed it.  “Have some more water- i-if you can.”  

Nureyev tried to work quickly, using what little remained of the smuggler’s first aid kit to clean the wound and apply burn ointment.  The task was made difficult by clumsy cold hands.  The exercise may prove pointless, but at least nothing else was likely to add to the contamination.  

He should make a report to Buddy, maybe even get some answers as to what was going on with the Carte Blanche.  

Nureyev pursed his lips looking at the comms.  His mind was fuzzy at the edges, from fatigue and stress.  A call with someone who could see through so much of his cover on a good day, was daunting.  

And yet….

“Captain Auranko.” his usual smooth voice was rough and unwieldy.  "I believe it is t-time for a r-report."

"Pete, darling you sound dreadful." Nureyev couldn't tell if she was disappointed or concerned.  Perhaps both.  

"Yes well, a l-lot has... transported."

"Transpired?"

"Quite." He coughed.  "We have e-encountered several….troubles.  The b-box is fine but they are a-aware we are still within the c-city."

"Yes, I've heard something of your predicament Pete.  I assure you we are doing everything we can to collect you."

"When , Captain." He coughed harder, "we are r-running out of the…" he couldn't remember the right word " time- "

There was a pause, voices in the back, urgent and cutting.  He'd lose her- he’d lose her before he’d a chance to get answers, to get help.

"P-please, Captain-"

She sighed, "I'll be frank with you Pete.   Listen closely because we don't have time for questions."

The thief cleared his throat "Of course-"

"Planetoid Xnon is owned by Galactic Stars First Bank.  The entire place is on lockdown after our stunt." There was a strange sound like crunching metal  and Buddy gave a sharp intake of breath.  Shouting something to the Carte Blanche team.  

"They know t-the Carte Blanche is there."  Nureyev commented.  He didn't have to be a detective to put that together.

"Quite."

"Ah." The complicated note of emotion welled up within, there wouldn't be a rescue, they wouldn't be able to get close.  The bank would get them in the end and there would be nothing he could do about it.  Nureyev felt the knot in his throat before he had a chance to file it away.  "S-so we are to be… left b-behind."  Made to follow their pirates deal.  

"And leave two injured crew to fend for themselves against an overgrown bully?  I think not, dear.  Jet and Rita have been coordinating their efforts, we will beat them yet."

"Captain-"

"There is no need to be such a negative man Pete.  We will get back to you.  These bank executives made the mistake of coveting two things that are mine, my crew and my information.  I'm not in the mood for sharing."

Nureyev let out a strangled sort of laugh that was far from his usual chuckle.

"I will transfer you to Vespa, keep us in the loop darling."

"No need f-for the transfer.  T-tell her things are much the s-same on our end.  We will await the next contact."

"Very well, I'll defer to your judgement then Pete.  Buddy out."

Nureyev sagged at the call end.  He'd the distinct feeling like Buddy was withholding something from them.  He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad that ng, so he filed that away for future consideration.

"They kknow 'bout tha ship?"  Juno inquired in the lull.

"It would seem s-so." Nureyev said.  He had no intention of lying to Juno, even in a state like this.

"J-Jet and Rita are on it though."

"Rita-" Juno gave a snort, "almos' feel bad- for-” he gasped “'em- ah-"  His face twisted and he curled tighter on himself.  

“L-love, you should- reset.” he said, scooting himself over so that he was within reach of Juno.  

“You’re ss-switchin’ words- Reyev-” he was looking up at him with that glassy eye.  

“What?”  

“Switching- words-” Juno tried again.  “You’ve been- doin’ it a lot-”

Then it clicked.

“I-" he floundered, " Oh my.  I hadn’t realized-” and he hadn’t.  But now that he was actually thinking about it, he’d been doing it for a while.  His hand drifted up to his traitorous lips.  That was definitely a hit to his professional pride.  It had been a long time since he'd slipped like this; would that only get more common as he got older?  Or....

File it away-

"You're- tired- too-" Juno added, reaching out to put his hand on Nureyev's knee.  It seemed to be meant as a squeeze, but his fingers couldn't quite manage.  He'd likely be unable to work a blaster in this state.

He was defenseless.

Just file it all away-

"It's- alright." Nureyev shrugged delicately.

"No- it's s'not."

Nureyev hummed, wrapping his fingers about Juno's wrist, feeling the pulse point fast and light.  In truth, he would be alright as long as Juno's heart kept beating.

After Juno drifted off once more, Nureyev took to securing the safe house again.  Moving around more than was wise judging by the dizzy spells.  

One eye was on the guard locator Rita sent, another kept on his love.  

Two hours passed, Vespa called, Juno was examined again.  His heart rate was inching up but otherwise, he was much the same.  She didn't know when they'd return.  Nureyev's eyelids itched to close.  He could not rest yet.

He refused.  

To keep awake, he attempted a few mobility exercises.  A near collapse on the second set led him to abandon the attempt.  The movements weren’t hard, per say, but they were deceptively taxing.  One that left him shaking and gasping on the ground.  Forgetting that was a stupid, foolish mistake.  Nureyev was slipping.

The buzzing of an incoming call forced him back to reality.  He’d been dangerously close to nodding off again, lulled into stillness by the mirriorid aches and pains that plagued him.  It was Vespa, goodness, had it really been two hours?  

Her tone held none of it’s usual bite.  If Nureyev didn’t know better, he’d call it concern.   Juno was much the same, fast asleep, curled on his side, face pinched in pain.  Nureyev longed to kiss it away.  As if he was of any use to the Detective now.  

________________________

He patrolled the safehouse again, pausing in front of the crates. They easily outnumbered the pair.  The more Nureyev considered them, the more ominous he found their hidden insides to be.  What if they had listening devices inside?  Cameras?  Drones?  It could also be completely innocuous-

It was reminding him of the old earth thought experiment.  There was a cat in a box, and you didn’t know if the cat was alive or dead until you opened that box.  Until you did, both possibilities remained true at once.  He thought that old earthlings must have been very cruel or cowardly to trap such a creature in the first place and not check on it’s welfare.  In his current state, he related very much to the cat.  

Were the contents of the crate dangerous?  Or harmless?  There was only one way to find out.  

Nureyev pulled up a smaller box for a seat and set a plasma cutter to the side.  Slicing through the synth wood till it hung loose from the hinge left against the floor.  He glanced over at Juno and pulled.  

Tiny vials cascaded from the packing fungus.  Nureyev jumped, jarring his leg and hissing.  It was a far cry from what he’d been expecting.  Cautiously, he reached in and scooped up a tiny glass bottle bearing the legend ‘ Saffron Pharmaceuticals, Venucian SARS-97 Vaccine ’  

He grabbed another squinting at the label ‘ Saffron Pharmaceuticals, Venucian SARS-97 Vaccine ’

A brief investigation revealed the entire crate contained the long expired vaccines.  Nureyev stood, dizzied by the sudden motion and moved to the next crate.  This too contained medical devices, two ventilators and their accompanied equipment.  Another crate contained bandages and antiseptic.  Another filled with tiny computerized vital monitors.  Still another was cramped with some sort of scanning tech.  Crate after crate contained specialized medical supplies.  

Nureyev’s chest constricted, wherever these had intended to go, they were meant to save people on the Outer Rim.  Not be left to rot in a forgotten smuggler den.  

Out of morbid curiosity, he snagged a few of the vials for future consideration.  Then sent a picture of the medical equipment to Vespa with a caption “Would these items still be of use?”

There would have been many people on Brahma alone that would have benefited from such equipment.  It was near impossible to get on the war torn Outer Rim.  Frustration bubbled out from some locked file.  In his fatigued state, it was near impossible to hold it back.  

Just then, the Detective stirred.  The file snapped shut and Nureyev hobbled back to his love.  

Something seemed to have changed, even through the brain fog, it was plain to see.

“J-Juno?” Nureyev asked.  

Juno let out a low pained groan, fingers twisting into his stomach. “ ‘Reyev- ” he gasped, his chest stuttering.  “ Nu-reyev- ” he was struggling as if trying to force himself upright.  

“What’s ha-happening love-”

“Hu- hur’s -” he keened.  Nureyev’s blood ran cold, his hands fluttering over the lady.  Unsure whether he should push him back down or help him up.  

“Hurts?  Juno- w-what hurts?”

Juno swayed on his elbow, eye screwed shut.  

“ Love ?”

He looked as though he was going to be sick.  Nureyev pushed a bin under him just in time for him to wretch.  His whole body shook from the force of it, he was left gasping from the strain before it hit him again.  A curdled mass of red splattered against the bottom of the bin.  

Blood

Juno was bleeding on the inside.

Nureyev didn’t wait for him to finish, he called Vespa barely able to keep the panic down.  

“I’m kind of busy thief, if this is about the equi-”

“Juno’s Bleeding !” Nureyev choked out.  

“Whut?”

“Please Vespa- Juno- Juno is-” he groped for the right phrase, “How do you say- internal bleeding-'' the Brahmese slipped out of his mouth before he could think to stop it.  Juno heaved again, dissolving into dry heaves.  Nureyev wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.  “Sick on blood.” he managed at long last.  

“Wait, you're telling me he’s vomiting blood?”

“Yes.”

She swore.

“How d-do I stop it?”

“Ransom-” she sounded tired.  Almost defeated.  He couldn't understand.  There had to be something he could do, anything that he could do.

“Please- I-” he was hyperventilating now, getting dizzy from it.  Juno was shaking in his spare arm, just keeping himself from toppling over.  He couldn't lose him, not like this. “Please-” his voice broke.  

“Whoa, hey!  First Ransom, I’m going to need you to breathe for me!  Sheish!”  He tried, grounding himself with the heat radiating from Juno.  “Okay look, I can’t promise anything right now, but gonna need you to turn on the video feed, I need to see what’s going on.” He did.  

As before he followed her instructions.  Juno seemed to collapse in on himself, curling around his core.  

“Here’s the story Ransom.” Nureyev perked up, trying with all his might to focus on Vespa’s voice.  “He’s in bad shape.” he snorted, he knew that.  “But judging by the color and texture of the blood, it's a slow bleed.  We have the time to get to you.”

“S-so, I am to w-sit in idle the entire time?”

“Your Job, Thief, is the same as before!” she snapped, sounding more like her usual self.  “His heart and brain need blood circulation to elevate his feet.” Nureyev got a box to prop Juno’s feet on and carefully turned him onto his back.  Juno whined at the motion and Vespa swore loudly “Not on his back Thief!  Damn it!  Want him to choke if he ralfs again?!  Keep him on his side, the recovery position.”  Nureyev could kick himself as he hurried to comply, Juno made another piteous sound that tugged at his heart.  “No, it’s not comfortable, but it will improve his chances of survival.”

It was harder than it should have been to move Juno, he was panting by the end, the world swirling “What n-now?”

“If he can keep it down, get water into him.  Mostly just keep him alive until we get there.”

“When will that be- ” he was frustrated, tired.  He wanted answers.  He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to massage out the headache that had taken residence in his temples.  

“I don’t know what you are playing at Ransom, but I don’t speak Brahmese!”

“Wha- I-” he swallowed, he’d done it again.  Maybe if he just ignored it- “W-when are you coming?”

“Look, we’ll keep you apprised.  And goddamnit, do something about that chill.  I can’t deal with you keeling over on us.  Talk to you next check in.” and she hung up.

He just had to wait it out.

He could do that.  A shiver passed down his spine, clothes scraping over hypersensitive skin.  

He could wait.

________________

It was getting- hard- to concentrate.  Nureyev couldn't patrol the safe house anymore, could scarcely move.  So instead, he was saving what was left of his strength for what was to come.  Whatever that may be.  

The fatigue was crushing and still he kept his eyes open.  He would not leave Juno, not if there was anything he could do about it.  

He squeezed the handle of the blade, the sharp edges of the bare handle digging into his palm.  Over and over he squeezed until it hurt, and backed off, lulling himself into a half hypnotic state.  So long as he could squeeze, he could feel the pain, so long as he felt the pain, he could stay awake.  

It was different from the consuming burn in his leg, the unruly, hungry sort of agony that was far beyond his control.  Far beyond anything he could file away.

The squeezing distracted from it, in a small way.  Any relief was welcome.  

Nureyev bowed over his knees, eyes trained on the comms screen and the blurry dots migrating over the surface of the map.  Squeezing the handle.  Paying no attention to the moisture working it’s way down his wrist.  

It had been- hours- since they last heard from the Carte Blanche.  Hours since he heard a peep out of Juno-  The only way the thief could be sure Juno was alive was the heat rolling off his skin.  

They’ve been abandoned.  

He was sure.

Buddy Auranko had promised that the Carte Blanche would be more than a team, that it would be a family.  He snorted derisively.  He should have taken Juno and run right then and there.  Family’s only ever brought suffering.  

The burn gave a particularly nasty throb, Nureyev jumped, hissing against the onslaught, clutching high over the wound.  How long would they last like this?  

The comms started to beep.  Nureyev glanced down and saw activity on the screen.  The details were lost to him, but what was known was that the guards of Galactic Stars First Bank were on the move.

He wasn’t sure what that could mean, but it couldn’t be good.  

There was a rattling at the door.  Nureyev’s heart plummeted.   Now?  Of all times.  Why couldn't they just leave them alone?  

Someone, or something pounded on the door, a large someone judging by the racket it made, setting Nureyev’s head to pound.  There were voices from the other end.  Nureyev’s mind stretched them into something sinister and ominous.  He straightened his leaden limbs.  Preparing himself.

If they expected him to go out without a fight, then they were sorely mistaken.  

The door was flung open and Nureyev used the last of his strength to launch himself at the intruders.  The blade sung through the air, making contact judging by the grunt.  A large blurry person shouted, staggering away from the knife.  

They weren’t fighting back.  

That was strange.  Not only weren’t they fighting back, but they seemed to be calling out to him-  As though they- recognized him.

It did nothing to soothe his fears.

Nureyev collided painfully with the door jam wheeling around and-

“‘ansom!  Ransom!  We are not a threat!  Ransom!”

He staggered, a familiar figure in a tan overcoat swam before his eyes.  

Nureyev- knew that coat.

“J-Jet?” he asked, bewildered.  How was it possible that they were there?  They’d left them?  Hadn’t they?  Blackness encroached on what was left of his vision.  

“Yes.  We have come to collect you.”

“Oh- Thank the stars- ” and Nureyev knew no more.  

[drunk-onsunlight]

Day #1: Beautiful, what's your hurry? 

Chapters: 1/12 Fandom: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Happy Hogan/May Parker (Spider-Man), Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), spideychelle - Relationship, Betty Brant & Ned Leeds Characters: Michelle Jones, Peter Parker, Ned Leeds, Betty Brant, May Parker (Spider-Man), Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Happy Hogan, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) Additional Tags: Spideychelle Promptmas 2020, MJ is Black Cat, Peter Parker is Spider-Man, Iron Dad, Canon? Don't Know Her, Comic Elements, Rhino is causing problems, Prowler is causing problems, Dr. Octopus is causing problems, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Morgan is a smartass, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary:

12 days of promptmas where Peter is having fun being Spider-Man until too many bad guys are around and a certain Cat tries to kiddnap Ned in the middle of a fight (or something like that) and all he can think about is "how is he going to pretend to have a relationship with MJ on that Stark party on Christmas break?"

Notes:

I'm terribly excited and proud of this fic so I hope you have as much fun reading as I had writing it. You will find short chapters and others... not so short, they are hell long (sorry, not sorry). Done with the blablabla and have fun in this 12 Days of Promptmas Remember that every chapter's concept will influence a big plot ;)

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Concept 43. Roommates 2. Shopping

Dialogue 56. "Do you wanna built a snowman?" 46. "You do know that Santa's not real, right?"

December 18th - One week before Christmas Peter and MJ have been living together for two years now. They decided it was the best way to not be totally broke because of their attempt to live in NYC while college and being close to their families in Queens. And the best way for Peter to be Spider-Man and be close to the Avengers facilities without anyone knowing, including MJ. Peter didn't knew how he have managed to keep his identity hidden while living with MJ but it was good, she wasn't in danger if she didn't know about his superhero thing. Peter and MJ had strict rules about their privacy and that made everything easier. They never went to the others bedrooms for anything, at least one of them was sick and that wasn't happening frequently. So basically Peter charged his IronSpider suit without worrying about MJ finding it and probably friking out and his three different suits were on the closet or under his bed totally save. MJ had her own secrets and he wasn't the right person to sneak a peek inside her room to find out, so he respected her room, privacy and secrets as much as she respected his. Morgan has called on a Thursday claiming that she needed to spend time with his big brother on Christmas break or she will take him out of work from The Bugle on some fake news that Spider-Man was around a shopping mall she wanted to visit. The ten year old was very persistent, just like her parents. Of course he said yes, he wanted to take some pictures of Manhattan while you can still walk around Central Park, also, some early shopping for Christmas was too perfect to reject. Morgan arrived to MJ and Peter's apartment early in the morning and took a second quick breakfast with her brother and MJ. ---------

"So, Morgan! How's school going?" MJ was familiar now with the little girl and wasn't surprised of Peter's contacts with the Stark. What she never understood was how Peter ended up working for J. Jonah Jameson and not in Stark Industries, maybe his passion for photography was bigger than his love for chemistry and labs. "Pretty good, actually! I'm looking forward to High school, looks exciting" oh poor innocent soul. But she wasn't going to break her little bubble of happiness, definitely not on the holidays! "You're getting old Morgan! High school? That's big!" Peter was always cheering Morgan, no matter what. He was such a good old brother "Then you are even more old because you are in college and you have a job, too" Morgan said with her mouth full of pancakes, that MJ was pretty sure Pepper will not approve. "MJ! You are gonna let her treat us like grannies because we have a job?" Peter always tried to get MJ involved in his conversations but she still had that little observant in her from High school "Well, if we are that old then we can't go shopping today. What if we get a cold? That would be terrible for this two old people" that was the plan, shopping with Morgan but MJ had another plan for her visit to Manhattan, but they didn't need that information "noooo!!!! We have to go shopping! My dad gave me lots of money to spend on everyone’s present! I want to buy something nice for Uncle Happy and Aunt May, for mom and dad and of course for you both! Even for Ned and Betty!" yes, that was their little group now. How on earth Peter was able to keep such a strong relationship with the Starks and his security head, after two years working for their labs, was still a mystery. Well, it wasn't hard to get attached to the Parkers and with Peter always came Ned and now Betty. "Ok Morgan! Then let's go. If we are in Manhattan as soon as the shops are open we will get good presents for everyone" the little girl took her plate when the pancakes were to the kitchen and run to get her coat, scarf and gloves for the cold. "How much money do you think she actually has, Parker?" "She is ten, so maybe not much. But she is a Stark so maybe a couple hundred? Who knows? I'm gonna text Pepper just to check, if I text Tony he will probably encourage her to buy the whole shopping mall" Peter walked to his room while Morgan returned from the living room and started jumping in front on MJ to show her that she was ready to go "Ok, we will go in a few. Can you go to your brother's room for a bit while I look for my things?" "Yeap! Don't take long, MJ!" "Don't worry. I will be fast. Promise!" MJ walked to her room and locked the door. She needed to change something from her outfit without Peter and Morgan knowing. That will bring lots of questions that she wasn't ready to answer, especially to Peter. She took her bag with all the things she needed for the day and checked twice that the leather suit under her clothes wasn't visible. "MJ is back!! We can go! Let's go Pete" Morgan was bubbling with happiness so they finally went out of the little apartment. They went down the five floors and started walking through the cold streets of New York with Morgan in between them. Each holding one of her tiny hands. The girl was talking about her school friends, her new favorite topic in class and her love for science, just like his dad. Peter and Morgan were having a lovely chat about the new tech Stark was designing while MJ was waiting for her moment to leave them for a while. "How do you know all of this, Morgan? Pepper hasn't forbid you from the labs?" "Yeah, but she stopped telling me to not go there after my tenth time sneaking into the labs." "As reasonable as your dad, I see" "And you Pete. That's why you are my brother" Peter had an easy smile on his face when he talked to Morgan. It was nice to see him so relaxed, he was extremely stressed and had been for the last year. College could be a nightmare even being a genius like Peter. "Ammm, I have to go Morgan. Would you forgive me if I go for a few minutes? I promise I will be back" "Nooo!!! Why? I can talk to you more if you want. It’s just that Peter never shuts up" "Its fine Morgan. I love hearing you both talk about nerdy things, but can I tell you a secret?" the girl’s eyes light up and she moved away a little from Peter "I'm very good at keeping secrets, MJ. You can trust me" MJ got to Morgan’s level which means she was almost on her knees. "I'm going to buy Peter's present and he can't see it because it's a surprise. Can you keep that secret?" Morgan's face showed all her excitement and started nodding furiously "Then I will text Peter when I'm done, ok?" she said the last looking at Peter to let him know she was going back with them "Ok! See you MJ!!" Morgan waved at MJ while she crossed the street to a few jewelry stores. She entered one of the stores and checked that Peter and Morgan were gone before leaving to a close ally to change into her leather suit, mask and silver wig. ------ "MJ is really nice. And pretty!" if Peter never closed his mouth, Morgan was just like him, but Peter loved it "Yeah. She is really nice" "And pretty. My dad said he is a little bit afraid of her for all your stories about her in high school but I think that makes her even greater" "Well yes, she is pretty and why I never knew your dad was afraid of MJ? Now I'm gonna mock him for that" "you didn't hear it from me, Pete" "so, what where you and MJ talking about?" "No, no, it's a secret and I don't share secrets even if there are small. Like your secret, does MJ knows, by the way?" "No, she doesn't and you know that's the best thing for her so it's going to be a secret until something terrible happens like she gets in my room and I'm arriving from patrol or something like that" he didn't want to think about the possibility of MJ finding out about him being Spider-Man because patrol ended bad "How's Ned doing? Is he still your Guy in the Chair?" "Nop, he is retired. Now he has proclaimed himself as a FOS" "what's that?" "FOS as Friend of Spider-Man" "so, I'm a FOS too, right?"

"Yes, you are Morgan. That's why you have to be really careful on not speaking about Spidey outside of the labs or the facilities. Ok?" "Yeap. Got it. Don't worry about that. Mom thought me well. She talked about a few bad experiences she had because she is close to my dad and I don't want to go through any of that" Morgan was very young but very intelligent, any other kid would be screaming at the top of their lungs that their adoptive brother was a superhero just like their dad. But she knew better than that. "Hey! Look at all the snow in the park. Do you wanna built a snowman, Morgan?!" he was very excited about the possibility but Morgan not so much "I would love it but can we wait for MJ? I think she will enjoy it as much as we will" "Ok. Let me check my phone for any messages. Maybe she wrote me and we didn't notice" no new messages from MJ, but apparently Black Cat had stolen a few things from a store on the opposite side of Manhattan. The police was taking care of the case but the evidence wasn't much. They never had enough evidence when Black Cat was involved, she was becoming a problem in New York and Peter was going to pay more attention to the new dressed up villain, but first he needed to stop Rhino. He was the big problem, has been for the last year, appearing and disappearing every few months but each time he came back, he was stronger. "Did she say something?" "No yet. What if we go to that shopping mall, do some actual shopping and then back to that snowman?" "Yes! I want to buy some summer clothes to my dad and some beautiful heels to my mom! Maybe some kitchen utensils to Uncle Happy and more nice shoes for Aunt May! What do you think, Pete?" "I think we have lots of things to do then! Let's go before MJ is back. We need to buy her a present too" they walked to the shopping mall and got a few things for everyone. Morgan bought some shorts for Tony, with Iron Man's face on them, some really expensive heels for Pepper and May and different bakery supplies for Happy "I have Ned's present in Stark Industries. It's a new program my dad worked on that I think he will love. But don't tell him! It's a secret" "don't worry peanut, your secret it's save with me" "thanks Pete. Ok, what are we buying to MJ?" "I have an idea... But we have to go find somewhere affordable and that can sell me a very specific object. Santa can't bring that present from the North Pole for her" "You do know that Santa's not real, right?" "What? MORGAN! You can't say that!!" "I'm sorry Pete. Did I ruin your fantasy?" "No... But now that's a big secret you will have to keep. No one can know that Santa is not real" after Peter and Morgan went out of the store they choose for MJ's present, Peter's phone started to sound along to Jingle Bells. "Hey MJ. We done shopping here. Where are you? Do you wanna built a snowman?" "A snowman?" "Yes. Morgan wanted to wait for you to build it in the park a few block away from where we were" "Oh. Yeah. I know where, see you there in ten?" "Perfect. See you in a few" "She's coming to build the snowman?" "Yes she is" "I really like MJ, Peter" "Yeah. Me too" -----

After a small walk and some time to find the best place to build the snowman, MJ, Peter and Morgan reunited and started looking for things to complete the medium sized snowballs that they managed to make. Morgan found a few stones for the eyes, MJ took a few branches for the arms and Peter was trying to find something for the nose of the snowman. After a few minutes he found a branch that wasn't to tin as the snowman's arms but it was too long. He broke the branch in the thicker part and placed it in the snowman face. "Oh Peter! The gym is actually paying! You broke that like it was a pencil!" Morgan’s face screamed at him that that action wasn’t completely normal for a regular person "Yeeaaahhh... The, the gym! Of course!" MJ was looking at him a little bit suspicious. She still managed to hide most her emotions but after living with her, Peter learned to read her more than she thought. "Well, I need to start going to the gym too then, you have been going since high school and it's finally working apparently" Peter knew MJ wasn't stupid, or blind for the matter. She has seen him without a shirt and knew about how his body has changed through the years because of his superhero thing, but for her, and everyone else... He was just going to the gym. That was the logic explanation behind his ripped body and his very useful strength. Peter tried to move away from MJ’s suspicious face while lifting Morgan from the ground.

“I think it’s quite decent. What do you think, Em?” Peter asked MJ

“I don’t look that bad, actually! Morgan, can you rate the snowman?” They were looking at the weird snowballs with the stones for eyes and several branches around his “body”

“I give it a 7 out of 10, something is missing… A SCARF!!! He’s getting cold without a scarf” Ok, Santa wasn’t real but the snowman was getting cold. Peter and MJ shared a look and started laughing, they found funny that the snowballs were cold. Peter took his scarf off from around his neck and placed it on between the top snowball and the middle one.

“There you have it! Now he is fine and won’t get a cold” Morgan looked pleased at the snowman and took MJ’s hand in her right hand and she offered her left had to Peter.

“Ok, now it’s a ten. I think we can go and wrap all this presents on the apartment. Can we Peter?” Morgan looked a little tired

“We definitely should, maybe we can have some hot drink too” MJ wrapped her bag on her shoulder without letting go of Morgan’s hand while Peter took the six different bags from around the snowman and the three of them stared to head home.

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Thanks to @spiderman-homecomeme for organising this amazing event!

[fanficsaremylifeline]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Ned Leeds & Peter Parker Characters: Peter Parker, Harley Keener, May Parker (Spider-Man), Happy Hogan, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, Wanda Maximoff, Ned Leeds, J. Jonah Jameson Summary:

Things really couldn't be better: Harley, who Peter met at MIT, was finally his boyfriend and, just like Peter, he also got a place for his practical semester in NYC. Things are a little weird, when that place just happens to be at SI as well, because apparently Harley and Tony are similarly close as Peter is with his Irondad. To keep things from getting too mixed up, they decide to keep their relationship to themselves. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

***

“Come on Pete, get up!”, Harley called and almost immediately a pillow hit Peter in the head.

“I'm up”, he groaned, but before he could open his eyes, another pillow hit him right in the face. “What the fuck, dude?”

“Good, you're awake”, Harley grinned, that damn shit-eating grin. “Come on, get dressed I'd like to get going.”

“What's your rush?” Begrudgingly, Peter rolled over, just enough so his feet would dangle out of the bed. “We're on holiday, you... you...” Damnit, Peter couldn't even think of an insult.

“Wow, your intelligence is really sexy”, Harley deadpanned and, with the shake of his head he tossed a bundle of clothes on the bed. “You're not getting into my car naked”, he made clear.

“You wish, Keener”, he grinned back, before he got himself dressed.

The last few weeks have been pretty fun. Peter had seen Harley in a few lectures; with them both majoring in engineering, it was natural that they had to sit through a few of the same profs. It wasn't until a house party that they properly met, though. Even though he did not want to go, Ned somehow convinced Peter to come along. College parties were however quite annoying, since Peter couldn't get drunk. Thank you, spider-metabolism... So, as usually when Ned dragged him somewhere people were drinking, Peter ended up on the couch in the corner, earplugs in so the noise and music wouldn't hurt his brain too much, all that with his homework.

“You're seriously doing homework? At a party?”

Peter looked up to find Harley standing in front of him.

“Didn't want to come in the first place if I'm being honest”, he just shrugged and, as Harley sat himself down besides Peter it seemed as if their conversation was gonna be a little more than just small talk, so he closed his book.

“Anyway I can lighten up your night then?”, he grinned over and Peter couldn't help the flush and the awkward smile spreading over his face.

“I think it already has.”

Oh fuck, that was cheesy. Thankfully, Harley didn't seem to think so, as his cheeks blushed ever so slightly.

Shit, was Peter supposed to continue flirting with that quite gorgeous guy? As good as he might be at saving the world or engineering, he was downright horrible at flirting. But, thanks to his lucky star or guardian angel, Peter didn't have to.

“It's not really my thing, either. But there's this really nice bar just around the corner.”

That was Peter being asked out, right? “Sounds good”, he grinned.

“Great”, Harley smiled back and got up. “Come on, then. My treat.”

And ever since then they were... Peter wasn't sure. Yes, they went out a lot, but Peter wasn't certain if it were actually dates. They haven't had the talk yet, so for now Peter was gonna go with the step between friends with benefits and actual boyfriends. They probably should talk about it...

“Come on, you can have breakfast in the car, traffic's gonna be a bitch and I would like to reach New York today.”

“Yes sir”, Peter grumbled and pulled his shirt over his head.

“That you could have left off”, Harley smirked.

“Tough”, Peter shot back and grabbed his bag. “We going or what?”

Not that Peter or Harley knew too much about the other, but Peter had found out that Harley moved to New York. Which was pretty nice. It meant on the one hand that Peter had a a lift back home. But what was even better, was that they both had an internship for their practical semester there. Apparently, Harley's boss was an old friend who had offered him a job. Great for Harley and great for Peter, giving him more than enough chances to hang out. Or were they more than that? They had barely left Massachusetts, when Peter couldn't hold the curiosity in any longer.

“Are we dating?”, he blurted out, turning to Harley with wide eyes.

“Uhm, I think so”, he answered. “Are we?”

“I mean...” By now Peter was blushing redder than his spider-suit. “I kinda hope so”, he eventually got out and couldn't help the awkward grin.

“Well, Peter, I gotta say, your timing is horrible.”

“What? Why?” Damnit, Peter thought Harley felt the same way!

“Because I would have liked to seal you officially being my boyfriend by kissing you which is a little hard to do, while we're on the fucking highway and I have to focus on the road.”

“Awww!”, Peter squealed and leaned over just enough to put a peck on Harley's cheek. “You think that's enough for now?”

“For now”, Harley smiled. “I still might pull over at the next motorway station, just to make sure...”

.

“My house is that one over there”, Peter gestured at the Parker's apartment building.

“Right then.” As they came to a hold in front of the door, Harley smiled over.

“Thank you so very much for the lift.”

“Anything for my boyfriend”, Harley beamed.

“I kinda feel compelled to ask you to come upstairs with me, join me for a cup of coffee. It would include meeting my aunt, though.”

“Next time, ok?”

“Sure thing.” Peter was honestly a little glad. Aunt May will like Harley, there was not a doubt in his mind, but Aunt May wasn't the only one Harley had to meet. How in the hell was Peter gonna break him being family with the Starks and the Avengers? Hell, how is Peter going to break to Harley, his boyfriend, that he's Spider-Man? “It's not like we need to hurry, is it? We've got our entire semester here in NY together, there's no need to rush into anything.”

“Yeah”, Harley smiled, and what a beautiful smile that was. “Oh hey, since I'm pretty new in town, you perhaps know any nice places this city has to offer?” And like that, the sweet, beautiful smile turned into a flirty grin.

“Depends, what'd you want to do?”

“Well you know, there's this guy... We've been going out for a while, but now we made it official and a native New Yorker like you might have an idea where I could take him.”

“Oh really?”, Peter grinned back, “well he surely is a lucky guy.”

“Tell me about it, he really hit the jackpot.” And there was that damn shit-eating grin again.

Well, there was only one way to get rid of it. Peter cupped Harley's face and pulled him in for a kiss. A fantastic, time-stopping, world-ending, hair-raising kiss.

“Message me when you got to your place, ok?”, Peter mumbled.

“Promise”, he nodded and, after one, maybe two (ok, four) more pecks, Peter got out and waved after the car, until it disappeared in traffic.

That was his boyfriend. HIS BOYFRIEND! Peter skipped up the stairs and almost ripped their apartment door out of its hinges in excitement.

“Pete, honey!” May gracefully played over the almost needed reparations and welcomed him with open arms and Peter flung himself right into his aunt's embrace, thusly starting quite the amalgamation of I-love-yous, I-missed-you, I-missed-you-more, and oh so many hugs. All that only ended, when a harrumph interrupted them.

“Happy”, Peter grinned, when he identified the voice behind him and turned to hug him right away.

“Pete, it's great to see you”, he laughed. “Had a good drive?”

“Oh, yes”, Peter nodded, trying his hardest not to grin like the love-sick idiot he was. It as the absolutely perfect drive, and damn, he was so smitten and infatuated, he just wanted to call Harley right away, even if he only had seen him like ten minutes ago.

“Seems like it. I'm really happy your friend could give you a lift”, May smiled. “Didn't he want to come upstairs?”

“He still has a bit to drive. Don't worry, you'll meet him soon enough.” Mostly, because I can't wait to see him again...

“Right. Before you tell us some more, you might want to call Tony”, Happy suggested. “He's still a little pissed he didn't get to pick you up.”

“Well, I won't want to let him wait then”, Peter grinned and made for the privacy of his room, before opening up facetime and calling his favourite Stark.

“PETEY!”, Morgan squealed as she answered his call. “Are you in New York again?”

“Hi Mo”, he beamed back, “yeah, I just arrived and wanted to check in with my favourite Avenger.”

“But Daddy says I can't be an Avenger”, she moped.

“We just don't tell Dad.”

“What won't you tell Dad?” Tony's voice came from the off somewhere. Leaving Morgan no chance to explain and talk her and Peter's way out of it, he continued right away: “would you please tell Mr Parker that if he doesn't even bother to call his boss, he can kiss his internship goodbye.”

“You got that?”, she asked, her eyebrow raised in all the Stark-fashion.

“Yeah”, he snorted, “please tell Mr Stark that I love him too, but if he's that difficult before I've even started, I might just call up Reed Richards. Or maybe I'll just send an application to... OsCorp”, he added with a chirp.

“Oh, you little sh...” Tony jumped in front of the camera, ready to disinherit and cuss Peter out, when he remembered his daughter next to him. “You are a horrible person.”

“Mo, didn't he get his hot chocolate today?”, Peter asked her, completely ignoring the fake-angry Ironman. “You know that he gets cranky when he doesn't get his hot choc.”

“I'm not responsible for him”, Morgan made clear.

“We both know he can't look after himself”, Peter sighed. “Don't worry, darling, I'm back for the next half year, so you're not alone with him any more.”

“Thank you, you're the best!”

“You know I can hear you”, Tony deadpanned, looking from one to the other.

“Good, so you remembered your aids”, Peter snorted, before he could stop himself.

Morgan burst out laughing and Tony's face just dropped.

“Right then, sweetie, I think I'd better go”, Peter gulped. “So Mr Stark, let me just say beforehand that I am so honoured that you accepted my application and I cannot wait to start my internship in two weeks. Mo, our plans for tomorrow are still on?”

“Sure are”, she giggled, while Tony was still caught in his dumbfounded shock. “Can't wait!”

“Me neither. Alright, get our old man to bed, alright?”

“See you tomorrow! Love you!” With that she shot some kissy-faces towards the camera, and Peter parroted.

“Love you, too.”

And, before Tony could react, Peter waved and hung up on the call.

.

Tony: You're a little shit, Parker.

Peter: Yeah...

Tony: At least you know...

Tony: Glad to have you back in reach though. See you tomorrow?

Peter: I'll come over after breakfast

Tony: Good. I love you, kiddo

Peter: I love you, too <3

.

Harley: Hey Peter :) So, driving through New York is a nightmare!!! I'm finally at my place, though and everything's alright :)

Peter: then I'm happy :D

Harley: things at home good?

Peter: yeah, my aunt's happy to have me home again and I am, too

Peter: how're things at your new place?

Harley: it's all good

Harley: my friend's a bit overeager, there was probably no need for me to pack anything...

Peter: so you rushing me out of bed this morning... that WASN'T overeager?

Harley: That was a 4/10

Peter: 4? Dude, what's your scale like?

Harley: dude? That how you talk to your boyfriend?

Peter: yeah ;)

Peter: Dude, but like romantically :)

Harley: aww! * heart eyes *

*

What a lovely day for a swing towards the compound. The sun was shining, the March air was cool, but thankfully, there was this nice heater installed.

Since the door was for losers, Peter happily scaled the compound's wall and, instead of climbing onto the balcony and make at least a bit of a proper entrance, he knocked on Morgan's window.

“HIIII!”, she squealed as she let him inside. Peter had barely made it in, when she already tackle-hugged him, all but pushing Peter back out of the window.

“Hey Mo”, he laughed, once he found his balance. “I missed you so much.” He leaned down, just enough to put a kiss on her head.

“I missed you more. Come on, Daddy will be really happy to see you!” She grabbed Peter's hand and pulled him out into the living room. “DAAAAADDYYYY!” Wow. That cry could wake the dead.

“Honey, what have we said about the indoor voi... Oh, would you look at that.” Tony walked up to them and, as soon as he saw Peter, he stopped in his movements, crossed his arms in front of his chest. All that of course with the signature raised eyebrow.

“Good morning, sir”, Peter smiled, trying his all to sound nice and proper. “There is no need to worry, there was only a masked man climbing into your eight-year-old daughter's bedroom.”

“Peter. Stop creeping me out and get over here.” Tony rolled his eyes and held his arms out. Letting go of Morgan's hand, Peter was in his arms in two big strides. “Missed you, kiddo.”

“I better enjoy it as long as that feeling lasts, because that might sound a little differently in like four months.”

“I don't think it'll take that long”, Tony scoffed and put his arm around Peter, giving Morgan another free arm to hold on to.

“Daddy's only kidding”, Morgan made clear as she looked up with big eyes. “We'll never ever get tired of you.”

“Aww!” Peter had known it as soon as he met her, but in moments like these it was even more clear: there was nothing he wouldn't do for that girl. “I love you too, honey.”

“Good. Now, there's a lot to do. You need to tell us all about MIT and oh! I gotta show you!” Before Peter really knew it, she pulled him out of Tony's hold and into the kitchen. “LOOK!”

Excitedly, she pointed at the fridge, where right next to the picture of Peter at his graduation her current report card was pinned on. Since she was the daughter of Tony and Pepper it wasn't all that surprising to see her acing everything, Peter was still so incredibly proud.

“Oh wow! Straight As, that's amazing!” He wrapped his arms around her, lifted her up and spun her around, getting out all the squeals, just lighting up his everything. Thanks to Peter's super-strength, he actually could still properly spin her and throw her around and Morgan loved it to no end.

“Please don't kill my daughter”, Tony called over from the living room.

“You never let me do anything fun”, Peter moaned, walking back over with Morgan giggling as he dangled her off his back.

“I know, I'm such a monster.”

“Dad, can we go and say hi to Mummy?”

“You can go and say hi, if Pete wants to. Just don't make too much drama, and kiddo, you gotta change first.”

Yeah, Tony might have a point there. Wouldn't want to let all of SI know about that secret identity...

So, a few minutes later, Peter and Morgan skipped towards the SI offices, as Morgan caught him up on all the gossip in the building. At least all the gossip a third-grader could gather up. That was mostly limited to the ongoing cookie-war between Bucky and Thor. It didn't seem like the decision who was truly the best baking Avenger was made any time soon. Nobody in the building was complaining though, there were more than enough delicious baked goods for everybody.

“And promise you won't tell Daddy, but Uncle Rhodey let me fly a bit with him.”

“No.” With wide eyes, he turned to her. “Really? You got to fly with Uncle Rhodey?”

“It was sooo cool!”, she beamed up, “we did two rounds around the compound and we even flew a loop!”

“Omigod, I want to do that, too! I never flew with Uncle Rhodey.”

“But you can almost fly yourself”, she shrugged and pulled him along the corridor.

“I guess... I can't do loops though.”

“You'll have to negotiate with Uncle Rhodey.” And with that she burst into her Mum's office, pulling Peter behind her. “Hi Mum! Look who's here!”

“Pete, so good to see you”, she smiled and got up to greet him properly with a hug. “You good?”

“Very much so. And you?”

“Me too. I'm actually working on your paperwork right now”, Pepper grinned.

“Huh... Getting serious.”

“It is. But for now enjoy that bit of break you have. I assume that you'll spend that time either with the little Miss here or in the lab with Tony.”

“Yes he is”, Morgan answered instead of him.

“You heard her Highness”, Peter chuckled.

“And we wanted to come say hello to you, and I already told him about the cookie war, so we'll go to the Avengers now and get cookies, and then Peter can say hello to them.”

“Sounds good, but Dad said he's gonna cook dinner, so we might wanna go easy on the cookies”, Peter threw in.

“You're boring”, Morgan decided.

“But he's right”, Pepper made clear. “You can go and say hi to Uncle Thor and them, but leave the cookies for dessert.”

“Fine”, the girl moaned.

“Bring some for the rest of us, too, ok?”

“Sure thing”, Peter grinned, held his hand out and together they skipped through the compound, enjoying plenty of hugs, and maybe one too many cookies, before making their way back to the penthouse.

“You're just in time”, Tony greeted them.

“We got dessert.” Proudly, Morgan held the baggie of cookies out to Tony, as they made their way into the dining room.

“That is amazing”, Tony goggled and shot his daughter the widest smile. “You're the best.”

“I know”, she grinned.

“Yep, that's my girl alright”, he chuckled and handed Peter a stack of plates.

“Five plates? I know Happy's on a date, but is Rhodey eating with us?”

“No, there's someone else you got to meet. Remember, I told you about the kid with the potatogun?”

“Yeah”, Peter nodded.

“Well, he's here for an internship as well. 'bout your age, also at MIT and well, it's high-time you two met”, Tony explained, as he put the forks and knives down.

“Cool”, Peter nodded. He was always down to meet nerds like himself. And, if Tony liked the guy enough to invite him to eat together, he was probably a cool guy Peter could get along with.

“Ah, speak of the devil”, Tony smiled, as the elevator door pinged.

Who walked into the room was not anybody Peter had expected though. “Pete, meet Harley. Harley, that's Peter”, Tony introduced them and Peter caught his face falling a little too late. It wasn't just any Harley, it was Peter's Harley. His boyfriend. Who Tony didn't know about.

“Uhm hi”, he grinned awkwardly at Harley, who clearly fought hard against the blush.

“Hi Peter.” He bit down a grin as he held his hand out. “It's so nice to meet you.”

“Likewise”, Peter all but giggled as he shook the outstretched hand.

“Guys, can we eat? I'm hungry!”, Morgan moaned, thankfully interrupting the awkwardness.

“How? You just had cookies.”

“Seriously? You go and eat all the cookies, while I'm slaving in the kitchen for you kids?” With the most dramatic expression he could muster up, Tony clutched his chest. “That is how you thank me?”

“I will always be hungry enough for your food”, she beamed up at him and, when Peter finally managed to break eye contact with Harley, he could see Tony melting right there in front of them. It was delightful.

Or well, it would be, if he didn't feel Harley's eyes on him, especially once they got themselves seated, with his boyfriend right opposite Peter. Thankfully, Morgan was giddy enough to pull all the attention toward herself and away from the boyfriends, looking everywhere but the other.

This was so weird. In the initial surprise of finding out that the potatogunkid, Peter had heart so much about, was his boyfriend, it didn't even occur to either one to tell the truth. But the longer that it lasted, the more Peter's insecurity grew.. Weren't they going to tell the truth? Peter was not sure if it was something he wanted right now, given that their relationship was really new. Like 24 hours new.

“I gotta say, I'm surprised you two haven't met yet”, Tony commented when he eventually got a word in.

Neither seemed to be sure how to continue with that, as they both just looked at Tony with wide eyes.

“What?”, Tony shot back. “If you two knew each other it would have come up; Peter's told me so much about his group of friends, I feel like I know everything about Tommy and Jacob and Brianna and the oh so pretty and intelligent Allison...” He shot Peter some eyebrow-wiggles, leaving him to turn beet-red and looking everywhere except for Harley.

“Oh, Allison Lopez?”, Harley grinned, “that's your taste?”

Shit, couldn't Peter just turn invisible? Yes, he might have had a bit of a crush on her, but that was two semesters ago and as good of friends they were, there wasn't anything going on between him and Allison.

Tony however didn't seem to understand that. “I still don't get what keeps you from going out with her.”

“Neither can I”, Harley continued with that infuriating smirk. “I mean she is so nice and smart and yeah, she's really beautiful.”

“Please Keener, what do you know, you're gay”, Tony scoffed.

“Oh you are?”, Peter shot over and Harley just rolled his eyes. Whether at Tony or Peter, he wasn't sure.

“I can still appreciate beautiful women”, he ignored Peter as he addressed Tony. “For example I can tell that your wife is so out of your league.”

Oh damn. Yup, Peter definitely knew why he was into that guy. “Harley, I like you”, he grinned over.

In return he got the most exasperated of all the deadpans: “Gee, thanks.” Knowing him like he did, Peter was pretty damn sure that Harley fought tooth and nail to keep from retorting something along the lines of 'yeah, you made that clear the other night'. Thankfully, to a) keep from scarring Morgan for life and b) keep Tony from having a heart attack, Harley bit any remarks back.

“Yeah, he's really funny”, Morgan giggled, earning her Tony's signature move: the pointing at her with his eyebrows raised.

“Young lady, he is not. Harley Keener is nothing but a scullion, a rampallian, a fustilarian!”

“What's that?”

While Pepper explained Shakespearean insults to Morgan, Peter excused himself with a nod and made straight for the bathroom. He was just one enhanced man, how the hell was he supposed to deal with all this by himself?

.

Peter: SOS!!!

Ned: what's going on? bombthreat? Doc Ock? alien invasion?

Peter: it's so much worse...

Ned: WHAT IS IT?

Peter: so, last night me and Harley... we made it official

Ned: finally! I'm really happy for you but in what world is that a SOS-situation?

Peter: that friend he told us about, who he got an internship with and stuff?

Ned: yeah?

Peter: Tony. Stark.

Ned: Uff... that couldn't have been fun to explain

Peter: Yeah... we kinda didn't?

Peter: And now I maybe might be hiding in the bathroom because it's so weird

.

Harley: Are you hiding from me right now?

Peter: And why would I do that?

.

Peter: And of course, Harley knows I'm hiding from him

Ned: I know this sucks dude but I'm not sure how to help you

Peter: I don't either!!!

.

Harley: Because you didn't want to tell me that you're family with freaking Ironman?

Peter: Well, neither did you

Harley: Fair enough

Harley: Still no need to hide though, is there?

.

Ned: kay, listen man: you're gonna go in there, pretend everything's cool and as soon as you got the chance you and Harley talk about how you wanna play this

Ned: got it?

Peter: yes sir

Peter: thanks, you're the best guy in a chair any superhero can have! <3 <3 <3

.

When he got back into the dining room, Harley greeted Peter with the damnedest smirk, though that was to be expected. What wasn't to be expected, was that there didn't seem to be a single cookie left for him.

“Morgan Hope Stark. Where is my cookie?” He turned to the girl who just did not have a poker face. A grin tugged at the corners of her mouth and her eyes went wide, when she answered: “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Oh, is this how you want to play it?”, he shot back and glared at her with narrowed eyes. “Pepper, do I have permission to execute 'Operation Truthserum'?”

“No, no, Mummy no!”, she squealed, already shying back, knowing exactly what was about to happen.

“You do have my permission”, Pepper nodded and within seconds, Peter grabbed her by the waist, hoisted her over his shoulder and made for the couch, all that accompanied by a steady high-pitched squeal. The worst – for Morgan – was yet to come though. Once she landed on the cushions, the tickle attack started.

“STOP IT PETEY!”, she giggled.

“Will you tell me what happened to my cookie?”

“It wasn't me!”, she made clear looking up with wide eyes.

“Then who was it?”

“I can't say”, she admitted, “I promised!”

“Well, we should always keep the promises we make”, Peter admitted and dropped next to her on the couch. “Then I guess I just have to go to bed without another cookie, because someone over there”, he gestured towards the general direction of the table, “doesn't like me.”

“Oh no!” Morgan seemed to be truly perturbed by the idea that someone might not like Peter, especially since they were all a family. “I think you being sad is worse than breaking a promise”, she eventually decided. “It was Harley. He took your cookie, saying that he was gonna be the better intern anyways.”

“No.” With all the dramatics he could muster up, Peter feigned surprised shock. In reality, he had expected it to be Harley, his revenge for Peter hiding himself away. “How mean! Dad was right, he really is a scullion!”

“Maybe now you can prank him too?”, Morgan suggested, grinning somehow devilishly and adorably at the same time.

“Oh definitely. You gonna help me?”

“Yes!”

“Awesome. Means we already know what we'll do tomorrow.”

“Great, you're still alive”, Tony chuckled, as he made his way over to the couch. “The tortured screams of my beloved offspring suddenly stopped; thought I should make sure that you didn't take down my house or killed each other.” He dropped down between the two, putting an arm around each. “Happy to see you didn't.”

“Not on my first day back”, Peter shrugged and leaned into the hug.

“Thanks, I really appreciate that”, Tony deadpanned. “If you want to, though, we can get more cookies.”

“That's alright”, Peter grinned and winked at Morgan. “I've got something better.”

Looking from Morgan to Peter, Tony remarked: “I don't like that look on your faces one bit.”

“It's ok, daddy”, Morgan assured him, “since you didn't take his cookie, you're not in danger.”

“Oh for the love of Peggy Carter, please tell me you and Harley aren't gonna start a whole rivalry.”

“Because you would never do something like that, would you?”, Peter grinned. “Mr America told me what went on in the early days of the Avengers.”

“Of course he did.” With a scoff, Tony rolled his eyes.

“Why?”, Morgan asked looking from Tony to Peter, “what happened?”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Don't worry”, Peter hissed over Tony's lap to the girl, “I'll tell you later.”

“You will do no such thing”, he made clear, “you're not here to be some irresponsible idiot terrorizing me, my family or my company.”

“You're right, Mr Stark, I'm a responsible young adult, here to do an responsible job and be responsible doing so.”

“Say responsible one more time and I might actually believe you”, came the deadpan response.

Well, then Peter'd give Tony exactly what he asked for. “I will be responsible, conscientious, reliable, dependable, unfailing, trustwor...”

“Yeah, yeah, you proofed your point”, Tony waved him off. “You need a lift home or are you sleeping over?”

“He's sleeping here”, Morgan decided.

“Works for me”, Peter shrugged, “May and Happy are having a date night, I don't need to be a part of that.”

“I know, right?”, Morgan rolled her eyes, “date nights are so gross.”

“I'll remind you of that exact sentence in about 8 years”, Tony made clear and turned to Peter before Mo could argue some more. “Your room's like you left it, at least it should be, I asked Dum-E to clean and I've honestly been too scared to check what he's done to it.”

“That's ok, Pete can sleep in my room.”

“Did you ask your Mum if that's okay?”

“I'm asking you now”, she beamed up.

“Yeah, but you know that Mum is the boss in this house.”

“Fine”, she moaned, jumped off the couch and trotted over to the dinning room.

“I know you don't really have a choice, but you cool with sleeping crammed into a children's princess bed?”

“Two words”, he grinned back. “Makeshift bunk-beds.”

“Oh fuck no”, Tony groaned, “the last time you made beds for you two, it ended with a crash and you dislocating your shoulder.”

Right, Tony might have a point in opposing this idea. Peter making webbing-hammocks was super fun, until one of the supporting webs dissolved too quickly and down they fell. Morgan landed on top of Peter, thusly landing soft enough to break the fall and not getting hurt. Peter wasn't so lucky, but once his shoulder was popped back into place, everything was alright again. And the 'no creating bunk-beds-rule' was put into place.

“Besides”, Tony continued, “I will ground you, no hesitation.”

Yeah, Peter did not doubt that for a second. No matter he was a twenty-one year old fifth-semester student, being grounded was definitely a possibility.

“Mummy said yes!” Squealing loudly and excitedly, Morgan skipped back towards them, followed by Pepper and Harley, albeit a little slower. “You can stay in my room!”

“If it keeps either one from sleeping, that will have been the last time though”, Tony made clear and Harley looked like he had to bite down hard to keep from bursting out laughing as did Pepper.

“Promise, daddy”, Morgan nodded.

“Yeah, dad”, Peter grinned, “we promise.”

“I'll hold you to that”, Tony made clear and waved at the two. “Right then, go and get ready. It's bedtime soon.”

“Sure thing. I'll just go to my room, get my PJs and brush my teeth and I'll be right back up”, he promised the girl and made for the elevator. The doors were just about to close, when a hand stopped it from doing so. Harley's hand. With a grin he walked in and leaned against the wall right opposite Peter.

“So, Peter was it?”, he grinned and, as soon as the doors were closed, he leaned in.

“Wait”, Peter just about managed to get out and looked up at the camera. “FRI, please don't tell anybody what you're about to witness and delete any and all footage of what's about to happen.”

“Of course, Peter.”

He turned back to his wide-eyed boyfriend, who clearly was not yet used to FRIDAY. But that could matter another time. With his hands on Harley's shoulders, Peter leaned in and pressed their lips together.

“Man, I've been wanting to do this all evening...”

“Me too”, Peter nodded, once they broke apart. And just in time at that, with a ding the elevator doors opened.

“Oh would you look at that, your room is right next to mine, what a good thing to know”, Harley smirked and Peter couldn't help his cheeks blushing. Since unfortunately (or in all honesty not very much so) Harley followed Peter into his room, the blush did not die down. “Nice”, he whistled appreciatively, as he took in the pictures of Peter's friends and family, the posters of StarWars and funny science puns. “Kinda looks like your dorm room.”

“I know. Guess that's what you'd call my own personal style”, Peter shrugged, before diving into his closet in search of PJs.

“So”, Harley cleared his throat as he made himself comfortable on Peter's bed. “You're close with Tony. As am I. Something we both decided to keep from each other but well, guess we're even.”

“Fair enough.”

“Why'd you never tell him about me, though?”, he moped. “You told him about Allison...”

“Because”, Peter scoffed as he turned back around to him, “that one date me and Allison have been on was about nine months ago and he still keeps on pestering me about her.”

“Ok yeah, I'll give you that.”

“Another question though: Why are we keeping us from Tony now?” Peter sat himself on the bed just opposite Harley, who scooted close enough for their feet to touch.

“I don't know.”

“I mean, I don't wanna go up to him and say: oh by the way, me and Harley have been doing it for the last month or so and as of yesterday we're actually a couple”, Peter summarized their relationship.

“Yeah, me neither. The mechanic can get intense.”

“As can the Avengers.”

“Besides, since we're working together, things should be kinda professional, right?”

“So you think we should keep this to ourselves?”

“Maybe yes, at least for now”, Harley nodded. “Just until we've figured all this out, you know with working and even kinda living together.”

“Right then. Dating in secret.” Thusly keeping it from Peter's entire extended family. But Harley was right, it was the best thing to do for the time being. Navigating a new relationship was always hard, having Ironman and the Avengers watching your every move while doing so would just make everything so much more challenging.

“If you're not comfortable with that, I get it. We can come clean.” Harley offered him a smile, a beautiful smile and grabbed Peter's hand.

“No, I agree, for now we have enough to figure out on our own. I appreciate it though.”

“Anything for my boyfriend”, Harley grinned and leaned in and Peter was more than happy to close the last bit of distance. And then an arm wrapped itself around his waist and pulled him closer. And before Peter knew it, he and Harley were tangled up on the bed, his hand in Harley's hair, Harley's arms holding him close. It was wonderful and perfect. Until Harley's hand made it's way under Peter's shirt.

“No”, he mumbled, “that's a bad idea.”

“Feels definitely too nice to be a bad idea”, Harley chuckled.

“Amazing is the word I'd have gone with”, Peter grinned leaning back. “That's the issue though. It's kind of like...”

“Like doing it at your dad's”, Harley finished the train of thought.

“Yeah. And I think it wouldn't be as bad, if I didn't have Morgan waiting up there.”

“I do get that”, Harley nodded, “laying in bed with your innocent pseudo-kid-sister after mind-blowing sex with your boyfriend...”

“Someone's having a high opinion of himself”, Peter scoffed as he untangled himself from Harley.

“Oh, but that's not my opinion”, he smirked, rolling onto his stomach and watching every little move of Peter's as he changed into his PJs. “That is something I will forever remember being whispered into my ear.”

Fine, Harley might have a point. Peter wasn't going to give him the satisfaction though and remained as stoic as he could.

“Mhm, gotta say, I do love this show”, Harley commented just before Peter pulled the sleep-shirt over his head. “Who'd've thought that a nerd like you'd be so fit?”

“Well thanks. Not sure what has gone wrong though that you only get that now.” His eyebrow raised, Peter turned back to Harley.

That damn smirk just wouldn't disappear, ever; Peter probably had to resign himself to the fact that his boyfriend would look at him like that all the time from now on until... Well, time would tell. All he had to do now was to find a way to keep from blushing like an idiot every time Harley shot him that infuriatingly sexy grin. “You know, some people have a painting, a movie or something they enjoy so much, they can watch it over and over and over again.” He walked all the way up to Peter and brushed his hands over the now dressed chest and Peter cursed himself for jumping under his boyfriend's touch. “I too have a work of art I like to admire.”

“Shut up”, Peter mumbled, not sure what else to say to that.

“Make me.”

That Peter would. “Sleep well and I'll see you tomorrow”, he mumbled between kisses.

“Yeah, you too.”

*

“Maybe you could web him to the ceiling?”, Morgan suggested, as they sat over a nice cheerio-breakfast.

“But he doesn't know I'm Spider-Man”, Peter shrugged and with one big sip finished the rest of his hot chocolate.

“It would be such a funny way to tell him, though.”

She might have a point there, if only because Peter should probably tell Harley about his alter ego. As long as they had only been fooling around, it wasn't really anything he even considered. Now that they were dating though... There were already so many secrets surrounding their relationship, they probably shouldn't have any secrets between the two of them.

“How about for now we find a revenge plan that doesn't involve superpowers?”

“You're boring.” With Tony-levels of dramatics, she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Ok, I promise we can do your idea once Harley found out about it.”

“Found out about what?” Harley walked into the kitchen, eyeing him curiously. A bit of a flirty glint in his eyes mixed with plenty of curiosity, he sat himself opposite Peter.

Fuck. With the heat, the blush rose in Peter's face and he just locked eyes with Morgan, who just shrugged.

“Idagit idagis idaga sidigedigret.”

“Idagi knodogow”, Morgan answered, “whaddagat doddogo yagidou wagidant toddogo tagitell hidagim?”

“You guys seriously have a secret language?”

“Are you actually surprised?”, Peter shot over before turning back to Morgan. “Widage cadagan juddugust pragitend nodogothidaging hadagappidagened adigand stadigay quidagiet. Thadigat coddogool?”

“Toddogotagidally.”

With a self-satisfied grin, Peter and Morgan nodded at each other before turning to Harley. “So, what's up?”, Peter beamed at his boyfriend, who looked like he wasn't sure he really wanted to be here and witness whatever was happening between the pseudo-siblings. “You doing alright?”

“Yeah. Not sure you are, but from what I've seen it doesn't seem too unusual.”

“No, not really”, Peter nodded in agreement. “Well, me and Morgan were just gonna head over and get some more cookies, since for some unexplainable reasons I never got one last night.”

Harley met Peter's challenging stare head-on as he smirked: “yeah, that is indeed weird.”

“Whoever did that will have to pay dearly”, Peter made clear, blushing ever so slightly, when Harley bit his lip. “Oh that poor soul.” And here Peter was, caught and losing himself in Harley's eyes, shining brighter than the biggest arc reactor.

“Can we go get cookies now?”, Morgan, who Peter might have momentarily forgotten was sitting right beside them, interrupted them making eyes at each other.

“Yes, definitely”, he nodded, happy to be interrupted just in time before things would become uncomfortably heated.

“Can I come too?”

Morgan just skipped over, grabbed Harley's hand and held her free one out to Peter. “Let's get ready to cookie!”

*

“Peter, can you come here for a moment?”

Oh, that couldn't be good. For about two weeks Peter and Harley's prank war had been going on and there was everything from cling wrap on the toilet to pink colour in the shampoo; from changing ringtones and contact names to putting all of Harley's furniture on the roof (thank you spider-strength!) there wasn't a prank they didn't go through with. And now Harley calling him into the common room? Peter's spider-sense didn't tingle, but that didn't mean anything.

“What's up?” Carefully, Peter put his head through the door, but Harley was doing was sitting on the couch.

“I need your brain”, he sighed, barely looking up. “As much as I hate to admit it, you're smarter than me.”

“Huh...” Something was up, Peter didn't need spider-senses to tell him that. “Why are you being nice?”

“You don't trust me?” With the fakest pained expression, Harley clutched his chest. “I am a nice person that currently needs your help!”

“Alright...” With every careful step, Peter took a good look around the room again. Nat and Wanda were sitting in the corner, biting down their grins at the scene in front of them. Well, those two weren't going to be any help... With as much distance between him and Harley as possible, Peter sat himself opposite on the couch. “What's up then?”

“This damn thing here.” What he held out to Peter looked like a remote. Spider-senses didn't pick anything up, so he carefully reached out for it and took it in his hand. At first glance nothing seemed to be wrong with it.

“What's broken about it then?”

“No idea”, Harley shrugged. “I can't figure it out...”

“Did you forget to change the batteries?”, Peter rolled his eyes.

“I'm not that dumb”, Harley made clear.

“You sure?” Peter was only riling him up and, extra slowly and showy, he checked the batteries. Well, wanted to.

Behind him loud cries and screams that could wake the dead had him jump; as he turned all he made out was a distinctly goblin-shaped figure. Without thinking about it, his instincts took over and within moments he jumped up on the ceiling and shot webs at everything that moved.

“Oh, for fucks sake, Pete, it's just me”, Clint groaned in a weird green get up with fake muscles, a purple unitard-thingy and hat; all that covered in webs.

“What the fuck, Clint?”, Peter yelled, “how do you get the idea to walk around dressed like THAT and not get webbed? Seriously, you're lucky I didn't punch you.”

“Wasn't my idea”, Clint defended himself and with his stuck arms he gestured vaguely towards the couch, where Peter only now remembered his boyfriend sitting. His boyfriend, who didn't know Peter was Spider-Man. His boyfriend who looked up at Peter, whiter than a sheet of paper and his jaw somewhere on the ground.

Oh fuck.

“Uhm, Harley? You alright?” Since there was clearly no greater threat than Harley breaking up with Peter for lying to him, Peter lowered himself on a web, until he and his hopefully still boyfriend were eye to eye.

“You... You... You're Spider-Man.”

“Guilty as charged.”

“Ok...”, he nodded, though clearly it was anything but ok. “Ok”, he repeated shaking his head and got up off the couch.

“Harley?”

“Ok.” With a smile, that looked almost manic, he looked around the room, where not only Peter but also Nat, Wanda and the Clint Goblin were quite worried. “Ok!” And out the door he went.

“Right, this is not what I thought would happen when I agreed to prank you”, Clint made clear. “You can still unstick me, though.”

“Nah”, Peter, Nat and Wanda agreed. “You deserve this.”

“Someone should check on Harley, though...”

“I'm on it”, Peter nodded and, after shooting Clint one more middle finger for this fucking idiotic idea of dressing up as his arch-nemesis (Well, one of them. But thanks to Harry there was more than enough emotional baggage attached and Clint quite frankly should know so much fucking better), he headed out and for Harley's room.

“You wanna talk about it?” Peter put his head through the ajar door to Harley's room, where his boyfriend was currently sitting on the bed, staring at the blank wall.

“I don't know”, he shrugged, still focusing on the wall in front of him. “I mean...”

“I'm really sorry.” With his apology, Peter slipped into the room and leaned against the now closed door. “I just... I've been planning the perfect way to tell you for these last two weeks, but I guess that didn't really work out...”

“Oh really?” Dripping with sarcasm, Harley rolled his eyes before finally turning to Peter. “You didn't plan on telling me by screaming bloody murder before jumping up and sticking yourself to the ceiling and webbing Hawkeye?”

“Believe it or not, but no I didn't...”

“I guess it explains, why none of my pranks really worked against you.”

“Sorry, super-hearing, strength and spider-senses do not really make for a levelled playing field.”

“No kidding”, Harley snorted.

Peter shuffled over and kneeled on the foot of the bed. “Can I somehow make this better or up to you?”

“Dude, I'm not mad”, Harley made clear, “not really at least. We've been dating for what, two weeks? It's not like I was about to propose to you. I'm just... surprised, that's all.”

“I get that. Anything you need to let out or ask or anything like that, just...” Peter held his arms out, “let it out.”

“I've seen Spider-Man naked.” As realization hit with Harley, Peter just burst out with laughter. “That's your take-away?”

“I feel like that's a big deal”, he nodded as the grin spread over his own face. “I mean, who can say that? I'm also the only one who gets to kiss Spider-Man, anytime I want to.”

“That is in fact a pretty big deal”, Peter smirked, “from what I've heard Spidey's an amazing kisser and incredible in bed.”

“As much as I'd love to argue that, they're true facts.” And with that, Harley leaned closer and pressed their lips together. “Omigod, I'm kissing Spider-Man”, he mumbled without breaking away.

“Seriously?”, Peter deadpanned, “do I have to expect that every time we kiss from now on? Because I don't know if...”

“Shut up, Spider-Man and let me kiss you.”

*

“WHERE IS HE?” Yelling at the top of his lungs, Peter stormed through the compound. Oh, he's done it, Harley's gone too far.

In the common room, he was only met with five pairs of eyes on him. “Who's he?”

“Harley”, Peter hissed, “where is he?”

“Last I heard he was in the lab with Stark”, Nat answered, eyeing him curiously. “And I'd assume that your prank war has reached its inevitable climax?”

“Let's just say, he's gonna pay.” Without an explanation or gracing the Avengers with another glance, Peter turned on his heel and stormed off towards the lab.

How the fuck did that damn idiot think it would be ok to mess with Peter's suit?

“HARLEY KEENER!”, he cried out, before he got even through the lab doors.

Just in time, he saw him diving behind Tony for safety, which was quite futile; not even Ironman could save Harley from Peter's wrath.

“Pete, please, I thought we agreed to keep your stupid rivalry out of my workshop”, Tony groaned.

Peter completely ignored Tony and stared right at where his boyfriend peeked out from behind him. “You've gone to far.”

“What did you do?” Peter was pretty sure, Tony didn't really want to know or even cared what Harley had done, but was that type of tired Dad, who just wanted some peace and quiet.

“He did THIS!” Ever since Peter had noticed the writing on the back of his spider-suit, he had worn a hoodie to hide it. Now he unzipped it and turned to Tony, so he too could read what all of New York now knew.

“Jar Jar Binks wasn't so bad”, Tony read and Peter heard Harley's failed attempt at hiding his giggles. “Pete, I'm with you on this one, a hundred percent, but please”, he pleaded, “even though he would deserve it, don't toss Harley to the Sinister Six.”

“You just wait, Keener”, Peter growled, “you'll regret the day, you decided to turn Spider-Man into the menace The Daily Bugle always said he was.” Not giving Harley the chance to ridicule him any more, Peter turned on his heel and stomped out.

“Please don't talk about yourself in the third person”, was the last thing he heard Tony groan, before the elevator doors closed.

There really was only one thing he could do. And, as much as Tony would hate it, Harley turning Peter into a fucking Jar Jar Binks stan was so much worse than anything Peter could come up with. But he'd need help for that, since Harley wasn't dumb enough to be alone with Peter.

Thankfully, there was the world's best sidekick.

“Hi Pepper”, he greeted her, when the elevator door to the penthouse opened, “is Morgan back from school yet?”

“Not yet, she has soccer training.”

“Right, it's Tuesday”, Peter remembered. Given that he was a currently employed worker at one of this country's most prestigious companies, he really was as clueless as they come.

“Can I help you out with what I'm assuming is your revenge plan to get back at Harley for what he pulled earlier? It's on twitter”, Pepper explained, before Peter could ask how she knew about it.

“Of fucking course it is.” With a groan, Peter fell on the couch.

“I'm sorry, kid.” Sitting next to him, she patted his shoulder. “This really must suck. Now, I usually don't condone these kind of things, but this whole prank war just has to end. So I'm gonna help you with one last stint and then it's all over, alright?”

“You'd really do that?”, he beamed over. Him and Pepper co-planning a prank? Screw intern at SI, that's what needed to be put on Peter's curriculum vitae!

“I guess you already know what you want to do, but need somebody to lure Harley wherever you need him to be.”

“Exactly.”

“Right then. What do you need from me?”

*

After Peter had stormed out of the lab, Tony decided it probably be best to just ignore the whole thing. As horrible as what Harley had done to Peter was, they were both adults and Tony was not gonna do that to himself and meddle with them. So back to work they went, until FRIDAY's voice ripped them away from it. “Harley, Pepper asks that you please come up to the penthouse, there is a form she needs you to sign.”

“Like right now?”

“Yes please, it'll only take a moment.”

“Fine”, he shrugged, put the screwdriver down and made for upstairs.

Three minutes passed, then five, then ten, but Harley didn't come back down. Damnit. This just screamed revenge. Did Tony really want to know what was going on? No, not really. Then why the fuck did he put down his tools and go up to the penthouse?

`

“Pep? Harley?”, he called out when he got into the empty living room.

“MHMMHM!” Those muffled cries came from just above him. And even though Tony knew exactly what he would see there, he still jumped a bit in surprise to find Harley, webbed to the ceiling, including a web covering up his mouth.

“Oh for fuck's sake”, Tony grumbled. “Where's Pete or my wife?”

“Over here”, Pepper called, as she and Peter carried a mattress over to put right under Harley.

“Just in case”, Peter explained, “I do plan on catching him once the webs dissolve.” Once they placed the mattress, Peter climbed up, hovering right by Harley's face. “Ok, this is a bit of a dick move, so I'll just take this off.” With careful movements, Peter dissolved the web over Harley's face.

“Peter Benjamin Parker, you absolute fucker”, Harley eventually groaned, once he could speak again.

“I hate to say this, but you do deserve it”, Tony shrugged. “And how the hell did Pete rope you in, darling?”

“I didn't have to”, Peter chirped from his place on the ceiling, “she offered her help.”

“My, my”, he grinned and put his arm around Pepper, who smiled right back.

“Look, I found some more pillows!”, Morgan giggled, as she skipped over. She literally could not have been home longer than maybe ten minutes, she still was in full soccer gear. Looks like they practised outside today, judging from the grass and dirt stains all over the light blue uniform. “Hi daddy!”, she beamed, as she went straight for the safety cushion on the ground. “Look, Pete, finally did my idea!”

“That was your idea? Wow, the women in my life are really a lot more devious than I previously though...”

“Yes”, she grinned proudly. “And now Harley has to promise that the pranking is over.”

“Peter did just as many pranks as me”, Harley protested, “so he should have to promise too.”

“Fine”, Peter shrugged, “I hereby promise that this was my last prank of this war.”

“Right, I promise not to avenge my being used as a candelabra.”

“Great”, Pepper smiled, “my work here is done. Honey, how about we let the kids be and get a cup of coffee?” She held her hand out and there was nothing in the world that could be nicer than to take it and let her pull him away from all this chaos and the wonderfulness that was a date with his wife.

*

What the fuck was Professor Smythe's problem? Seriously, he and Jameson's obsession with building robots that could end Peter was ridiculous. The current Spider-Slayer (oh, how much he HATED that name) was naturally too slick for Peter or his webs to stick, but he hadn't expected anything less. It also had some damn web-shooters, could climb up walls and some kind of energy beam or pulse gun, that could knock a statue off its pedestal. Peter definitely was not in the mood to find out what it could do to him.

Maybe he could fry the system? He had never tried it with any of the Slayers before, but that seemed to be the best thing to do to a) have a chance of defeating it and b) get it away from civilians. So that's what he did. Bungee-jumping off Brooklyn Bridge, the bot followed him right away. Coming out of the water again, Peter perched himself on the balustrade, waiting whether his hunch proofed right.

And of course it didn't. Well then, let the cat-and-mouse-games continue. Peter had to admit, his manoeuvrers did grow more and more dangerous, but there just had to be a twist or turn too fast for the damn thing, so it'd crash and hopefully break on the concrete.

“Mr Stark is calling”, KAREN announced just as Peter landed a quite formidable hit, if he dare say so himself.

“I'm kinda busy”, he hissed, ducking just in time to get one of these metallic legs to the stomach and webbed himself up a skyscraper; which exactly it was he didn't really have the chance to make out and besides, he really didn't care at the moment.

“I know”, came Tony's voice. “You need support?”

“Thanks”, he shot back, rolling his eyes that of course Tony had his tracker, location and what not pulled up. “I can handle it.”

“No doubts there. Just offering that you don't have to.”

“Appreciate it.” Perching himself on the roof's edge, he had just enough time for a short breather, when that Slayer crawled right up there. Fan-fucking-tastic.

“Jameson or Smythe, whoever is in charge of this right now: Really? Another Slayer? Haven't you learned your lessons the last umpteen times?”

“Kiddo, don't engage with the villains, just beat them.” Peter could practically hear Tony rolling his eyes, but he wasn't going to let Ironman tell him how to fight his rogues and was happy to ignore him.

Since the Spider-Slayer didn't answer, Peter concluded that it couldn't hear, or speak. Because Jameson would not let himself get taunted like this without shooting back.

With one quite impressive jump, Peter landed right behind the thing and, before it could turn and defend itself, landed a wonderful hit, that almost send it flying off the roof. “Take that!”

“Seriously?”

“Shut up, Mr Stark, I have to concentrate.”

“Oh, so it's Mr Stark again?”

“Yes”, Peter just made clear, and jumped up just in time to avoid getting hit by one robotic arm, and landing right in the next one. And shit, that hurt. “Fuck!”, he cried out. “Don't do that, you dumb slayer, that's how people get hurt!”

“Who got hurt?” Great, now Harley got in the mix as well. Tony must have their conversation on speaker in the lab.

“Apparently Peter is. What the hell is going on?”

“I got it handled, damnit!”, he groaned and in all the frustration of being punched in front of an audience, he even got a few good hits in, leaving wonderful dents in the admittedly quite hard metal. “BAM!”

Peter's cocky joy about hitting that thing didn't last too long though. The bot turned, set up for a punch, but not fast enough for Peter's spider-senses. Turns out, his early warning system wasn't really alerting him to the punch though; in avoiding getting hit, Peter jumped right into that fucking energy beam, and before he really knew it happened, he found himself blasted off the roof and falling towards the busy streets with an unfortunately not all that manly scream.

“Kid, what the fuck?”

“What's going on?”

Somehow in his deathly panic, he could make out Tony and Harley's concerned voices over the speakers, but him saving his own life was more important right now. Shooting webs and swinging to the safety of a few rooftops over wasn't that difficult, though saying it wasn't a scaring shock would be a lie.

“FUCKING ANSWER ME!”, Tony cried out, and only now Peter remembered to maybe console his father figure and his boyfriend.

“I'm alright”, he assured them.

“Good, cause if you die, I'm gonna kill you”, Harley made clear.

No, Peter had other things to deal with right now; his distraught boyfriend could wait. “FRIDAY, please take care of Tony and Harley, but I'd much rather deal with this armed-to-the-teeth killer-robot that was especially designed to kill me, than with them being hysteric.”

“What do you mean, especially designed to kill you?”

“Talk to you later, bye!”, he chirped. “KAREN, hang up please and keep either from calling me.”

“Call ended.”

“Thanks, K, you're the best. Now. The Slayer. If we go to The Daily Bugle HQ, we could baseball that sonofabitch with the Jameson statue they have out front. Do you think that'd piss him sufficiently off?”

“I assume yes”, she answered, “but it would also aggravate Jameson a lot more.”

“K, I've literally done nothing to the man, and he's paying a mad scientist to build killer-robots. I don't think there's much more aggravation possible.”

“You might have a point”, she admitted.

“Thanks. Right then, let's flatten this thing!”

The hardest part about swinging to The Bugle was avoiding that damn impulse beam. It almost blasted Peter out of the sky twice, and thanks to that fucking gun, his landing in front of The Bugle was unfortunately not as much of a landing, as him being smacked against the building. Ouch. That was gonna be beautifully blue and purple.

“Jameson, now you might hear me”, Peter cried out, circling that damn thing. “I honestly believe in nothing less than doing what's right, which is helping out the people of New York. And if all I do for the rest of my days is stop car thieves or pick pockets, help elderly people over the street or help some poor tourists, that got lost in the city then I'm happy to do just that. I don't understand your hatred of me, but well, if you so clearly need to loathe me, let me at least give you a proper reason to do so.”

With all his strength, he ripped the statue of his nemesis out of its plinth and brought it down on the robot.

“You think that did it?”, he whispered, as he waited for that thing to move again.

“My scanners show no signs of any activity”, she reported. “It seems you have successfully destroyed the Spider-Slayer and given Jameson more than enough reasons to hate you.”

“Yeah, I'm already looking forward to tomorrows Bugle”, he scoffed and, after making sure that none of the civilians standing around were hurt, he took off again.

“I suggest that you make your way back to the compound. You have taken a few bad hits and even with your enhanced healing you'll take a while to completely recuperate.”

Sure, KAREN had a point, a very good point, since everything, really everything hurt like hell. But if he went back there now, he'd have Tony and Harley to deal with and that was nothing he was really in the mood for. Then again... “I assume if I don't do so, Tony will come and pick me up.”

“According to FRIDAY, he gives you thirty seconds to make your way to the compound or he will do exactly that.”

“Well, whoop-de-fucking-do”, he groaned. “The compound it is, then.”

“Oh, I'm gonna kill you!” Peter was barely through the doors, when both Tony and Harley stormed towards him.

“Back off”, he made clear. “I am not in the mood.”

Funnily enough, both shied back a bit. “But you will go to the medbay now, that is an order”, Tony made clear.

“Gladly”, Peter sighed and pulled his mask off. Judging from the way Harley gasped and Tony's face fell, he had quite the bruise there. In all honesty, Peter wasn't sure what was injured and what wasn't, everything just hurt. Not just physically, but... Smythe and JJJ really hated Peter. No, hate was probably not strong enough a word for it. Besides the point that Peter couldn't imagine hating anybody to that much a degree that you actually wanted them dead and did everything in your power to actually kill them, it was them hating Peter for no real reason. They didn't even know Spider-Man, all they knew was that he had superpowers. And it scared them so much that it didn't matter what he did; it didn't matter how often he saved New York or the world, they were gonna hate him.

“Impressive speech, kiddo”, Bruce praised him, as he gave Peter the once-over.

“Thanks”, he mumbled, but didn't manage more than a half-hearted smile.

“You know why you are so much more amazing than Jameson will ever be?”, Bruce remarked, as he got some lotion out of a cupboard. He didn't wait for Peter to ask why, he continued right away: “you let love lead your every move, your every decision. And that is so damn hard to do. Letting fear be your motivator, well, do that and you end up like Jameson, or Smythe... or me. Don't look so shocked”, he chuckled, “me and Hulk went through a lot of emotional turmoil, we hated each other like JJJ hates you. And for the longest time I ran from that exact fear. It took the idiots in this building to help me see that fear isn't the way to go and it was a damn long process. But you... You didn't need to learn that, did you? I know you went through so much shit in your quite short life, but still, you have the biggest heart, you fight for the little guy. And that's why Spider-Man is New York's favourite superhero.”

Peter was honestly floored. All he could do was look at Bruce Banner, the amazing scientist, his idol he looked up to so much, wide eyed and mouth gaping open. Thankfully, the doctor played over it, put a last bit of the lotion on Peter's shoulder, before motioning for him to put his shirt on again.

“Right then. Take it easy, alright? It unfortunately shows that that robot was designed to purposely hurt you. There are no severe injuries, but you're skin's more blue than white.”

“Yeah, I feel that.”

“I bet. So, doctor's orders are to be pampered for the next two days.”

“That I can do”, Peter grinned, probably somewhat crookedly since his face was kinda messed up.

“Good. And as usual, if Tony gets too much, I can always put you in a calm and quiet quarantine.”

“Thanks, you're the best.” It was more limping than walking, but Peter made his way out of the medbay. But, just before the door closed behind him, he turned one more time. “Oh, and Bruce?”

“Yes, Peter?”

“Thanks. For the talk. Means the world.”

“Anytime, kid”, he smiled and waved after Peter, as he made his way to the penthouse, where he was already awaited by Tony, Pepper, Harley, Morgan and by now also May and Happy had arrived. Yup, Peter was definitely going to need Bruce's offer of quarantining him if he wanted only five minutes by himself.

“I'll live”, he greeted his distraught family. “Doctor's orders are to be pampered for the next two days”, he explained as he made his way to the couch and got to get off his feet.

And then the circus started. Immediately everybody crowded him, offered tea, hot chocolate, sweets and so much more. The only time they left his side was when he had to go to the bathroom and even then he had to argue for five minutes that he was able to make it there by himself. Eventually, he just got to lay on the couch with his head on May's lap. And, while his aunt's fingers brushed through his hair, Morgan read him some pirate story. The decision to sleep over at the compound was seconded by everybody present and, while everybody offered to stay with him in his room, Peter was not so much convinced by that. “I am 21 years old, I think I can spend the night. It's not like I've never been hurt before and I've already weathered much worse injuries with a lot less care.”

Not that anybody was happy about the statement, but they at least let him be. After three extra good-night-kisses from Morgan, May insisted on walking him to his room at least.

“I'm sorry”, she remarked as they walked along the corridor in silence.

“What for?”

“That there are people out there trying to harm you”, May sighed and pulled him a bit closer. “And I'm so incredibly proud how you're dealing with this.” When he looked over, he saw her smiling at him, albeit teary-eyed. “You don't vow revenge, you don't go after Jameson and fine, you did destroy his statue earlier, but you don't let the hatred consume you like it consumes him. That is pure Ben, right there. I just know he is sitting up there on a cloud and is so damn proud of the man you're turning out to be.”

“That's thanks to you both”, Peter made clear and leaned into the embrace. “I larb you.”

“Oh honey”, she laughed and put a kiss on his cheek. “I larb you, too.”

.

Harley: You already sleeping?

Peter: come over

.

“Hey.” Almost quietly, Harley slipped into Peter's room. “I'm not gonna ask how you're feeling, because I do not want to be shot the death glare to end all death glares”, he made clear as he made himself comfortable just beside Peter.

“Thanks”, he laughed, “I appreciate that. I do feel the need to ask you how you're doing, though. You've been suspiciously quiet and withdrawn ever since I've come out of the medbay.”

“Yeah... It's just... Until today I didn't get what you being Spider-Man actually means. Up until this afternoon it was just the fact that you've got superpowers and run around the city in spandex. It never occurred to me that you're actually putting yourself in harm's way, fighting supervillains and actually getting hurt.” Gently he stroked Peter's cheek, careful not to touch the bruise. “And the feeling to sit here, listening to you getting beaten up, thrown of a building all the while there's nothing I can do... It's just horrible.”

Peter scooted a little closer and grabbed Harley's hand. “I would love to say I understand, but I don't; I only know the other side. It's like... Being able to do things like that, I have the responsibility to use these powers, you know? Because if there's something happening that I could have stopped, but I didn't...”

“I get that”, Harley nodded and squeezed Peter's hand. The fact that that hurt like hell, Peter didn't try to let on, there was a more urgent matter to be dealt with. “It's so noble and one of the things that are really so damn amazing about you. It's just so horrible to helplessly sit back and have to watch while the guy you love does stuff like this.”

“The guy you what now?” All bruises, injuries and contusions were forgotten as Peter stared at his boyfriend with wide eyes. Did he mishear him or did Harley actually use the L-word?

The way Harley blushed, he probably heard the right thing. “Uhm yeah. The guy I love”, he repeated. “That's you, by the way”, he eventually remarked, when Peter just silently stared at him.

“That's me”, Peter parroted, as his stupidly slow brain tried to compute what was currently happening right in front of him.

“I'm happy to draw you a picture”, Harley snorted. “Yeah, so I have been thinking this for a while now, but today kinda made it clear for me. And if you don't feel like that or don't want to say anything that's cool, we can just...”

“Shut up, Keener.” Peter just cupped Harley's face and pulled him in for a kiss. A fantastic kiss; not even the pain in Peter's everything mattered. “I love you, too”, he smiled, once he broke away.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

How much longer they were lost in their embrace and kisses, Peter had no idea. He didn't care, either, because it was just too damn perfect.

“Stay here, please”, he eventually whispered, when the tiredness was close to take over.

“I wasn't planning on going anywhere”, Harley chuckled and safely enveloped in his boyfriend's arms who he loved and who loved him too, Peter fell asleep with the widest smile.

*

“So, Pete and Harley are awfully close”, Nat remarked and, if you didn't know her like Clint did, you'd easily miss the smirk she tried to hide as she took a sip from her coffee.

“Wait, they are?”, Steve asked.

“Oh, you sweet summer child”, Clint giggled, “yes, they are. Either their boning or they really, really want to.”

“Seriously, Cap, how you managed to land Barnes is really a mystery to me, given your perception of human emotions.”

“Hey”, he defended himself, “that's not fair.”

“Clint has a point, though”, Bucky snorted, “took you what, ninety years to ask me out?”

With Steve blushing in slight embarrassment, the rest of the Avengers started laughing. “Better late than never, right?”, Rogers eventually shrugged, and leaned over to press a kiss on Bucky's cheek.

“Good for you. Doubt Peter and Harley have a century to figure this out though”, Nat brought the conversation back to the topic at hand.

“So you think we should interfere?”

“Not interfere”, she made clear. “But how about a nudge in the right direction?”

*

“Ok, I need to ask you something.” Pepper had made it barely into bed, when Tony blurted out.

“What's up?”

“Is it my imagination or is there something going on between Harley and Peter?” Tony has had this thought for a while now, he'd almost call what they did flirting. And it freaked him out to no end.

“Welcome to the party”, Pepper chuckled as she settled into her pillows. “The Avengers have been gossiping about it for weeks. And so has half of SI.”

“Oh.” That was only slightly embarrassing. But then again, those two were his mentees, in this weird fatherly relationship romantic entanglements it wasn't exactly what he focused on when spending time with his pseudo-sons.

“But, before you go into action mode”, Pepper threw in, putting her hand over his, “let those two work through it themselves. If something really is there, they need to recognize it on their own and not because you or the Avengers told them about it.”

“Yeah, you're right.”

“I always am”, she smiled and, after a good-night-kiss, she snuggled to his side.

“Sleep well, honey.”

*

“Pete, just hear me out”, Clint tried to appease him, “Tasha says that this guy is really nice and definitely good enough for you.”

“Good for him”, Peter shot back, “but I don't need you to set me up on a surprise blind date!”

“Well, yeah, because if it weren't surprise you wouldn't have come”, he shrugged and pushed Peter onto a barstool. “Please, just give it a try. You can web my bow and arrow to the roof of the compound if it's a bust, alright?”

“Fine”, Peter groaned, if only to get this over with and to tell whoever was apparently perfect for Peter that unfortunately he was not interested; he just loved his boyfriend too much. At least Peter wouldn't have to worry about his boyfriend getting jealous or come to any false conclusions; Harley was so going to laugh at Peter, when he'd message him later.

“Great”, Clint chirped, “I'll leave you be then. He should be here any moment, and you can thank me later.” With a damn infuriating grin, Hawkeye all but skipped out of the bar, leaving Peter by himself. Awesome.

What was he supposed to tell this dude? He couldn't tell him that Peter already had a boyfriend, because then Nat'd know, then Clint'd know and then all the Avengers would know.

And the excuse that Peter just wasn't interested in dating at the moment wouldn't really count either, would it?

Well, if that stranger was as cool as Tasha had made him out to be, at least Peter'd have a fun evening, and maybe even make a new friend.

“Uhm, hey Peter.” Harley was the last person Peter expected to hear and the last person he wanted to see five minutes before he was supposed to be on a date.

Beet-red he turned to his boyfriend. “Harley, hey. What are you doing here?”

“Yeah, so funny story”, he harrumphed as he sat next to Peter. “A beer, please”, he ordered before turning to Peter, who already had a coke in front of him. (Why drink alcohol, when it didn't really do anything?) “So, please don't freak, but I kinda am supposed to be on a date right now...”

Oh fuck no.

“Did Nat by any chance set you up for that?”

“Oh what the fuck”, Harley's face fell. “Please don't tell me you're that friend of Clint's who would be just perfect for me?”

They stared at each other for a few moments, processing what was currently going on, before bursting into laughter.

“This is such a mess”, Peter eventually got out. “Against my will I'm being set up on a blind date. With my boyfriend.”

“How weird, I'm in the exact same situation”, Harley grinned and after thanking the bartender, took a generous sip from his beer. “At least I can get drunk to deal with it...”

“Yeah, stomaching that we're apparently the epitome of gossip and in dire need to be set up would be a lot easier with alcohol... Begs the question though: where do we go from here? Do we come out?”

“Honestly, when they're already being that... I don't know, intrusive when they think we're not even together, how you think they're gonna react when we actually are an official couple?”

Harley had a damn point. “Keeping things professional would get a lot harder, too.”

“Yeah. So what, tell them that their genius plan failed?”

“Maybe we should put it one step further”, Peter grinned, when THE idea hit him. “We just tell them that we were stood up, but thankfully had the other's company, making it clear that we didn't even think of each other romantically, you know?”

“Mhm, I gotta be honest though”, Harley grinned, “it's gonna be pretty hard spending tonight, not keeping on replaying what you look like underneath that nice shirt.”

“Dude”, Peter hissed and felt the blush get more and more intense.

“I'm sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?”

“I can just get up and go, tell Clint that this was a disaster”, Peter made clear.

“It admittedly kinda is”, Harley shrugged. “Or at least it will be once we run back to them, tears streaming down about the horrible people that treated us so damn...”

“Atrocious? Grieveous? Heinous? Evil?”, Peter suggested with a smirk.

“Damnit, why you gotta be so smart”, he groaned, taking another sip. “It's seriously hot.”

“Well, thank you”, Peter grinned, “I do my best.”

*

“Well, hi there Peter. Harley. How was your evening?”

When walking into the common room the next day, they were met with way too many smug grins directed at them.

“Clint, you'll find your bow and quiver webbed to the roof”, Peter fake-smiled.

“What?” His face fell.

“Didn't you like him?”, Nat inquired.

“How should I know?”, Harley shot back, “he never showed up!”

“Yes, you two really picked some winners”, Peter scoffed, trying his all to stay in character. “At least Harley was there, so I didn't sit around all by myself.”

“WHAT?”, Clint cried out.

“Omigod, you're more clueless than Steve”, Bucky groaned, earning him a 'HEY!” and a box to the arm from his boyfriend.

“You literally went home together”, Nat recapped what she and Clint witnessed them doing. Of course they were camped out in front of the bar and followed them home.

“Harley and me? Yeah, once it was clear that nobody was gonna show up, Harley came by my place to play Mario Kart. At which, might I add, I sufficiently kicked his ass”, he added with the triumphant smirk, he's been wearing ever since last night. Admittedly, it wasn't the only thing they did; once May sent them to bed, there was a lot of making-out involved. That was nothing the Avengers needed to know, though.

“Pete, Harley. They set the two of you up”, Tony made clear, walking in behind the couple.

“Wait, what?” Wide-eyed they both turned to Tony and Peter just hoped to whoever was listening that they could manage to keep up the charade.

“You tried to set me and Peter up?” If he didn't know the ploy, Harley's weirded out tone would be downright insulting.

“Yeah”, Clint nodded, “is that so far-fetched?”

No, not at all, since they were actually in love.

“I honestly never considered it”, Peter lied, hopefully good enough that a bunch of super spies would believe him.

“Seriously?”, Wanda questioned him, “you two've been flirting pretty much ever since you arrived.”

“Oh, ok”, Harley shrugged, seemingly pulling off this whole indifference-towards-the-other-thing a lot easier than Peter. Huh. Interesting...

“You can't tell me you didn't notice.” Tasha didn't buy a word of it, Peter could see it in the way she glinted over at him.

“Guys, we're co-workers, literally. There's this thing called professionalism and I know most of you have never heard of it, but it does matter, especially, when our degrees are on the line, so no, we didn't consider anything.”

“Who the hell sits at MIT, worrying about their interns getting together? Besides, Tony and Pepper? Steve and Barnes? Wanda and Vision?”

“The only person in that group of people I'd call responsible is Pepper”, Peter made clear.

“Fair enough”, Steve shrugged, “but you see, it can work out.” He gestured between himself and Bucky, who was sprawled out over Steve's lap, shooting them two thumbs up.

“Ok, I'm really over this conversation”, Peter decided, since he could feel himself breaking any moment now. “Harley. Would you just go on a damn date with me so they all shut the fuck up?”

“Language!”

“I'm an adult and Morgan's not around, so I can fucking swear however the fuck much I fucking want to”, Peter shot back at his mentor, before turning to his boyfriend. “So, what do you say?”

“Fine, let's get this over with”, Harley rolled his eyes.

“And they say romance is dead”, Tony cooed, then shook his head. “You are both ridiculous.”

*

“I gotta admit, this is pretty nice”, Peter smiled, as Harley pulled back the chair for him. “Thanks.”

“You're absolutely welcome”, he beamed and sat himself right opposite him. “To be honest, the nicest part about this is the Avengers offering to pay, to make up for their meddling.”

“Definitely. I never would have come here otherwise, too scared of the pricetag and the fanciness.”

“So, this isn't a place you'd take your boyfriend to?”, Harley smirked.

“Definitely not”, Peter made clear. “I'll show you another time what I understand under the perfect date.”

“Can't wait.”

As they waited for their seriously overpriced food, Peter took the place in. He and Harley took down the average age by at least twenty years; there was only one more couple that looked to be around their age. How the fuck did Tony get the idea to send them here? With his metabolism, they were definitely going to have to stop by a taco truck or a burger place later, no way he could eat all he needed to here. He also couldn't wait to get out of this damn shirt. May forced it on him, since they obviously needed to look the part, but that tie felt like it was strangling Peter and he was in all honesty scared to move, so the shirt wouldn't crinkle.

“Do you want to get out of here?”, Harley whispered over, as Peter picked around in his salad.

“That would be totally impolite, though”, he hissed back.

“We could fake an emergency”, Harley shrugged. “Can't your spider-senses make something up?”

“That's not how this works”, Peter deadpanned. “Come on, we're doing this for the Avengers, remember?”

“Yeah, you're right. But just looking at you, I want to rip that damn shirt off you, and not for sexy reasons. You look seriously uncomfortable.”

“Lived through worse”, he shrugged. “Other note. Are we publicly dating as of tomorrow?”

“Now, I know the Avengers not as well as you do, but I think that if we were, there'd be an endless tirade of 'we told you so' and a constant need to be involved.”

“Apt assessment”, Peter nodded. “How do we keep that from happening, though?”

“Hm.” They sat in silence while pondering their options. “How about we tell them it went horribly, can't stand each other from now on and they might feel bad enough to leave us alone?”

That could actually work. Only issue... “Will you be able to pretend you can't stand me, even though you perpetually undress me in your mind?”, Peter smirked and got the expected deadpan in return. “Ha, ha.”

“I'm serious”, he continued, “you'll have to constantly suppress your yearning for my body, the admiration for me, my mind and that can't be easy.”

“Trust me, Peter darling, it's getting easier by the second.”

.

Harley: Made it home alright?

Peter: Yup, only had two burgers along the way

Peter: Seriously, that restaurant is nothing for people who are actually hungry

Harley: True that

Harley: I raided the entire snack cabinet here and am now sprawled out on the bed, surrounded by chocolate and cookies *heart eyes*

Peter: Nice!

Harley: Oh yeah. Different note, though. I was obviously anxiously awaited once I got back to the compound

Peter: And?

Harley: I told them that they suck, that you suck, that everything sucks and they very quickly left me alone

Peter: Meaning I can expect Tony to check in any moment now?

Harley: Probably, yeah

.

But there was nobody checking in. No message from Tony, nothing from Tasha, Clint or any of the Avengers. Which meant that they probably bought Harley's attitude, thinking that they somehow really messed up. Good, that's what they wanted to achieve.

There was absolutely no reason to feel so weird about it now. No need to feel weird about lying to his super family. No need to feel weird about going that much out of their way to keep their relationship a secret.

Why did the Avengers push all this so much? Why couldn't they just leave well enough alone, things were wonderful the way they had been! They all knew Peter well enough to be aware that he didn't really care for being the centre of attention, especially vis-a-vis his romantic life. It had been the same damn thing when he came out as bisexual. All of a sudden the Avengers ran around with rainbow-pins and love is love is love-shirts. They showed up at every pride parade, everything that was even slightly LGBTQIA+ themed, the Avengers got involved. Maybe it was a generational thing that they had to show their support in that intense a degree? Because Ned, MJ, Gwen, all the friends his age were a lot more chill about it.

So damn the Avengers' aggressive support, for forcing Peter to keep the guy he loved a secret. And damn the Avengers for making Peter dread seeing his boyfriend again.

*

“Heya kiddo”, Tony greeted Peter when he walked into the compound the next day.

“Morning”, he smiled back, dreadfully nervous what Tony was about to talk about.

“So, how you doing?”

“Freaking fantastic”, he deadpanned. “But I assume you already guessed such a thing.”

“Guilty as charged. You can still talk to me, if you want to.”

“Not really”, Peter shrugged. Tony's arm around his shoulder felt just wrong. Yes, he tried to be reassuring and shit, but he was currently here for Peter, for an issue that was non-existent. Because Peter currently lied to his father figure and boss. So much for keeping it professional...

“If that changes, you can always come to me.”

“Thanks”, he forced a smile, “means the world.”

“Anytime, bud. Only question remaining: can you two be civil?”

“Well, we are talking about the guy, who destroyed a statue out of spite”, Harley remarked, coming up behind them.

“Oh for reals? You're taking JJJ's side?”

“I ain't saying that.” In mock-defence, Harley raised his hands. “Just saying that that wasn't exactly civil, was it?”

“Don't worry”, Peter turned to Tony, “we got this handled.”

“Looks like it”, he gulped, probably making a mental note to get them to different departments.

Not just a mental note, as it turned out, but after lunch break, Harley didn't seem to be working in the chemical engineer's department. That was probably a good thing, given that it was becoming increasingly hard to voice all his snide remarks as if he meant them, and not as the flirty banter that it actually was. Fortunately, Harley seemed to feel the same way; Peter prided himself in knowing his boyfriend well enough to recognize the fights to keep the blush and grins down. Yes, them being separated was definitely a good call.

.

Peter: So, you left me.

Harley: I wouldn't exactly call it leaving, more like being forcibly removed from your general vicinity

Peter: good, it was getting hard to pretend I'm not really into you

Harley: awwww! <3

.

“Hi Pete!” Hunched over his work, Peter didn't notice Morgan until she stood right by his chair, squealing at him.

“Hey Mo”, he grinned back. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you. Daddy said you're not really well, so now I want to cheer you up.”

And Peter just melted. “That is so sweet of you! I've got a lot of work to do, though.”

“Can you show me?” There truly was nothing more powerful than Morgan Stark's puppy eyes. How anyone could ever say no to her was a mystery Peter'd probably never solve. “You know, then I can also be an intern.”

“Well, I can't argue with that logic.” While the co-workers he shared an office with were in the lab or on break, there was no reason why Morgan shouldn't be able to join Peter for a while. Besides, even though he wasn't as unwell as everyone thought he was, he could still do with a little distraction. So he motioned for the chair in the corner, and before he knew it, Morgan wheeled it over and sat next to him, looking all expectantly. “Alright, so my big topic is genetics, especially genes that have been changed.”

“You mean like yours?”, Morgan whispered after making sure that nobody was around to hear her.

“For example”, he nodded, “but there are so many reasons why genes are changing and sometimes that's really good, because it helps us to make medicine, but sometimes it's also really bad, because people change things so much that they're no longer what they used to be.”

“You mean like the Green Goblin?”

“Yeah.” Peter hoped to everything that Morgan didn't notice Peter flinching at the memory of his friend becoming his enemy. His friend, that Peter had put behind bars. His life really was fucked up.

“So what are you doing now?”

“All of that”, he gestured at the unholy amount of papers on his desk, “that's all results from tests. And now I get to compare all these numbers and hopefully find a pattern that shows me how certain types of influences change DNA.”

“Wow.” With big eyes she looked over all the data. “That's really a lot of stuff.”

“Yeah, I know. But I luckily got FRIDAY, she's helping me out with the math.”

“That's so nice of you, FRI!”, she beamed.

“Thank you, Morgan. I am happy to help in any way I can”, FRI answered.

“Me too”, Morgan made clear. “So can I help you?”

Well, Peter doubted they taught chemical engineering in primary school. Then again... “You actually can. Look here.” He held a piece of paper out to her. “You see some of the numbers FRI found are already marked. Can you read them out to me, so I can put them in the system?”

“You got it!”

Yes, FRIDAY could just automatically put the numbers down, but Peter couldn't say no to Morgan. Besides, Peter was more than happy about the company and that girl just took Peter's mind off his fucked up romantic life. With them working together, the afternoon just flew by and it was definitely more fun than asking FRI to take care of the numbers.

“Mr Parker, since Ms Stark is not yet eighteen, all employment must be signed off by her legal guardians. I don't remember doing that and since Pepper is in LA at the moment, I think she didn't either.”

The two hard-working engineers turned to find Tony leaning against the door-frame.

“Is that bad?”, Morgan asked, looking up at Peter, who just shrugged.

“Means that he won't pay you for your work. And that he could technically sue me for employing a minor. But I don't think he'll do that”, he smiled at Tony, the sweetest and fakest smile he had in him.

“Don't push your luck, Parker”, Tony grumbled. “Just wanted to know how much longer you're gonna work over-time for.” He nodded towards the clock and only now Peter realized the time.

“Well, me and my associate are on such a roll”, he just grinned back, “in our high of productivity we have forgotten the time.”

“And I'm reminding you of it. I assume you're staying here then?”

Peter just nodded.

“Alright then. Finish up, then wash up and get your butts upstairs. Dinner's ready.”

“We'll be right there”, Morgan promised.

“So, I assume her help was a little limited”, Tony remarked, once Morgan was in bed.

“A bit scared to say this to my boss, but redundant's the word I'd use.”

“Figured”, Tony scoffed. “She's so over the moon though for having been engineering genes, I guess, I might be able to play over it and maybe even appreciate it.”

“Appreciate?” Peter grinned over, “might just make it a regular thing then. It's definitely more fun.”

“Again Parker, might not want to push it.” Putting his arm around Peter, Tony looked down. “Slight change of topic, though. You do not have a choice, we're gonna talk this out now, because today was a nightmare.”

Ugh. Right, get the lying-extravaganza going. “What do you want me to say?”

“I just don't get how it could have gone that disastrous. You two hit it off from the day you met, and it's just...”

“And you're just blaming yourself because you pushed all this?” Peter regretted it the moment he said it. Not because it was a risky thing to say, because yes, Tony and the Avengers definitely regretted it. But because there was nothing to regret; all of this was just a fucking farce. “Ok, fine, it started of sucky, because that restaurant you guys sent us to? Who the fuck had the brilliant idea to invite us to a overly fancy restaurant where I'd never ever could eat enough to feel full? I got two burgers on the way home, because I was so damn hungry.”

“Right, that's on Cap”, Tony made clear, “he said he knew this really nice place, perfect for a first date.”

“How the hell does Steve of all people think he's the authority on date-spots?”

“Yeah, we probably shouldn't have let him take care of that”, Tony admitted.

He didn't push any more questions, but Peter felt the look Tony shot him and the almost desperate need to know what went so wrong.

“It was just awkward, because we didn't really know what to talk about. And then... I don't know. Engineering and you guys connect us, but take that away...”

“So what, now you don't like each other any more?”

Peter just shrugged. What the hell was he supposed to answer to that? Of course he liked Harley, he fucking loved him! “I don't know”, he eventually mumbled. “It's just all so weird.”

“You know, me and Pepper were broken up for a while. And it was so weird, because, well, she's the CEO of my company. Happy all of a sudden was her employee, not mine any more. That was so fucked-up, but we got it in the end. And I'm not saying you and Harley need to end up together and married with a wonderful daughter. But it's gonna go back to normal, I promise that.”

“Yeah?”

“Pete, if the mess that is me can get it sorted, then you can too. And now off to bed you go.”

“Yes dad”, he moaned and couldn't help but grin at the eye-roll.

“Just shut up and get out of here”, Tony made clear and, after a good-night-kiss on the forehead, he motioned for the elevator doors.

“Right then, sleep well.” And with a last wave, Peter disappeared in the elevator

.

Peter: Can you come over?

.

“As if you'd ever have to ask that”, Harley giggled as he slipped into Peter's room.

“Well, since you apparently don't like me anymore...”

“Shut up”, he rolled his eyes, kneeled on the bed and leaned over for a kiss.

“So, I just talked to Tony”, Peter explained once they broke away.

“Uh, that couldn't have been fun...”

“It really wasn't.” He recapped their talk, before sinking back into the cushions. “This sucks so much. I really don't want to lie to them any more, but this has gone so damn far...”

“I know. We don't need to figure it out tonight though, right?”

“We do not”, Peter agreed, and pulled Harley down into the cushions with him and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Now we just get to sleep.” And, with his head resting on Harley's chest, he drifted off into sleep in no time at all.

*

“PETER!”

“NED!”

Peter could have sworn that as he and Ned ran towards each other for the hug that reunited them after almost three months apart, time went into slow motion. Around them everything blurred away; they were no longer on the street but floating somewhere on cloud nine.

“I missed you so much”, Ned sighed, once they were enveloped in a tight hug.

“I missed you, too! And I'm so happy that you're home for a few days.”

“How come you never hug me like that?”, came Harley's grumbled question from somewhere behind Peter.

“Guess he loves me more than you”, Ned giggled as he let go off Peter.

“I shall neither confirm nor deny these accusations”, Peter made clear, held his now free hand out to Harley though.

“I guess that's alright”, Harley shrugged. “I mean, I did know that before we started dating.”

“That's a good boyfriend.” With a giggle, Peter pressed a kiss on Harley's cheek before turning to Ned again. “So, I'd say we'll go and get a coffee and you catch us up on all the MIT gossip.”

“Sounds good to me. So, first things first, Allison and Matt are officially a thing now”, Ned told as they went on their way.

“We gotta tell Tony, maybe he'll finally back off...”

“Back off what?”

“Tony thinks that I'm still sweet on Ali”, Peter explained with a shrug and an eye-roll.

“Aw, come on, that was like what, a year ago?”

“Tried telling him that... But he's capable of moving on, did try to set the two of us up after all.”

“I still don't get why you're not just telling them you're dating”, Ned shook his head. “I mean, clearly neither is embarrassed by being with the other and none of the Avengers are homophobic, they've made that abundantly clear... So what then?”

In all honesty, Peter wasn't so sure any more. All their fights started to gnaw on him, even though none of them were real. Started to feel real, though. Especially since it became easier and easier for them to slip into that animosity. Thanks to which their relationship felt more and more like a chore.

“We got it handled”, Harley eventually made clear.

Right, Harley seemed to had no such worries. Which in turn made Peter really insecure. Was he just too sensible? Was it all just a game for Harley? It couldn't be though, they were in love after all! They were, weren't they?

As hard as he tried, Peter just couldn't enjoy the day with Ned. His and Harley's relationship just hung over every talk, joke or story. And it sucked, majorly. Ned was his best friends for so many years; they had been through High School, the Vulture, Mysterio... And now Peter's bullshit relationship issues stood in the way of their reunion.

“Alright, Dudes, I'm gonna head out, I promised my Nan to come by for tea time.” What? Ned's gran had died two years ago. And the other one lived in Kentucky. “You can swing by tomorrow though, right?”

“Yeah, I can get it arranged”, Peter rolled his eyes as he went for the hug.

“You need to talk. Now”, Ned whispered his reasoning for leaving them be. “Don't fuck it up.”

“Alright”, Peter nodded. “Love you, dude.”

“Love you, too.”

With plenty of waving, Ned walked away and left Harley and Peter sit in the booth by themselves. Boy, this just had all the makings for a disaster. If that's where it headed, though, Peter was not gonna make a scene in a coffee shop. “What do you say, my place?”

“Sounds good to me”, Harley nodded, and before long they were sitting in the car, driving towards Peter's place. The entire ride was uncomfortably quiet, mostly the radio made any sounds. At least until they arrived in front of Peter's apartment building.

“So, you wanna tell me what's bothering you?”

No need to talk around it, Peter just had to get it out. “We kinda are”, he shrugged.

“That sounds... bad”, Harley gulped, glancing over. “What about us is wrong?”

“I feel like I don't really remember why we're not telling anybody about us.”

“Because the Avengers are a bunch of intense meddlers?”

“Yeah, but... I don't know, all that fighting and shit is getting way too easy but that damn pretending is still way to hard and it fucking sucks.”

“Wait, so let me get this straight: It's easier and harder to pretend at the same time?”

How the fuck could Peter make Harley understand his dilemma? “Well, should it be easy to fight with your boyfriend, when you're supposed to be in love?”

“Wait.” Harley turned to Peter. “Are you not in love with me any more?” Along with all the colour, his face dropped and it broke Peter's heart a little bit.

“Of course I am! Do you still love me?”

“How can you even ask me that?” If he didn't look hurt before, he did now.

“Because of what I've just said! If we love each other, do you really think we should keep this from everybody who is like a family to me? To you? If we do love each other, why do we act like we hate one another?”

“Well, I thought that us loving each other was only something to do with the two of us, not with everybody else”, Harley shot back.

“But us loving each other means us fighting, all the time?”

“Yeah, but we don't mean those fights.”

“Then why is it so damn easy for us to slip into that fucking belligerent shit?”, Peter cried out. Shit, he felt himself getting close to tears as all his emotions bubbled to the surface. “And why the absolute fuck doesn't it seem to bother you?”

It was silent in the car, as Harley worked through Peter's issues. “Are you saying what I think you're saying?”, he eventually asked.

“I'm saying that with all that bullshit we're doing, seeing you feels like a fucking chore.” The moment he said it, Peter regretted it. “No wait, that came out so wrong.”

“Oh no, you were perfectly clear”, Harley pressed out between gritted teeth. “And I don't want to overwhelm you with too many duties, Spider-Man, so if you'd please get out of my car right now, you can go and recuperate from me.”

“No, Harley, please, I didn't mean it like...”

“Peter. Get out.” Staring straight out of the window, Harley grabbed the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles turned white.

Without another word, Peter complied. He had barely closed the car door, when Harley drove off. The further Harley drove away, the more the knife stuck inside his chest seemed to turn. Even long after the car vanished in traffic Peter still stood in front of the door, staring in the direction in which the car had disappeared.

Was that it? Did their relationship just end?

As if in trance, Peter walked upstairs into their empty apartment. Right, not even May was here to tell Peter everything was going to be ok and talk him through all these fucking bullshit feelings. He couldn't go to the compound either, since the person he had issues with was living there. And Ned... Well, he had messaged.

.

Ned: Did you talk it out?

Peter: I think we just broke up

.

The moment he hit send, Peter switched off his phone. He wasn't gonna deal with this right now, he was just gonna take his mind of things. Because if he didn't, he was going to break down right here and now and bawl his eyes out until judgement day. Maybe there were a few robbers or such out on the prowl today, letting Peter get rid of all these emotions another way.

So, after barely arriving at home, Peter already climbed back out the window, and swung through the streets of Queens.

“SPIDER-MAN!”

Oh fucking hell. JJJ really was the last person Peter wanted to see or hear right now. He turned to face him, but was instead faced with another Spider-Slayer. And here Peter was, thinking his day couldn't go any worse. The bot that looked positively humanoid wore JJJ's face, probably another one of the mind-controlled ones. Sure, it was only a matter of time until he came for revenge for Peter's destruction of the Jameson statue. But did it have to be now?

“Dude, I'm not in the mood. Can we postpone this? How does next week sound to you?”

“I deserve my revenge, and you will face me”, JJJ made clear, and shot a web at Peter, who dodged it just in time.

“Great”, he rolled his eyes, “here we go then.” And the fight began. The Slayer was, once again, non-stick, shot webs, managed to climb every wall Peter did and had some weird gun out front. Peter had not yet figured out what that thing did, but probably wouldn't have to wait too long to find out. Hopefully he wouldn't feel the effects on himself.

“You can run all you want, Spider-Man”, JJJ yelled, “I will get you and finally rid the city of the horror that you are.”

“If we're talking horrors, might I remind you that only one of us has spent millions of dollars to build a killer machine?”

“Oh believe me”, he made clear, shooting a web that just missed Peter, “the public will be so grateful for this service.”

“Well, I do know a few that would disagree”, Peter shrugged, before jumping over another web coming at him and scaled the walls of the nearest skyscraper. Of course the Slayer was right on his heel.

Once on the roof, Peter and JJJ just circled themselves. “Just to make clear, you can't electrocute that, and dropping a statue on this very robot won't do too much either. You can't stick to it, web it, and sure, go ahead and punch until the metal warps, but it's not gonna do the trick.”

Peter didn't doubt it for a second. What kind of metal Smythe built this thing from was almost as hard as vibranium. To destroy this particular slayer, Peter'd need a lot more force. Well, they always could throw themselves off this roof. It would probably kill both, though. And then JJJ would have what he wanted. So focused on how to best throw the robot off a skyscraper without killing himself in the process, he didn't notice that gun-thingy directed right at him. Unfortunately his way of finding out that this particular gun launched a weird yellowy-greenish goo, was by it hitting Peter in the head. Ugh, it was disgusting! It didn't seem to do too much, though. Which couldn't be right, there was probably a lot of bullshit about to happen, but for now, he had more urgent matters to attend to.

“Dude, this is fucking disgusting! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Oh you'll see, Spider-Man”, JJJ laughed, momentarily a bit distracted and with all the rage Peter had to offer, he threw himself at the robot, leaving both of them falling towards the ground. All the rage about what happened with Harley, all the rage about lying, and all the rage he had towards JJJ and his fucking slaying robots provided more than enough strength to properly beat up on that thing as they pummelled towards their death.

“YOU'LL NEVER BREAK ME!”, he cried and let go; webbing himself to the next best wall and that just in time. The slayer didn't get that chance, with a loud crash it landed on the pavement and burst into a million little pieces. There was no need to go down there and check if it was still functioning; the parts were spread out all over the street. “KAREN, tell an ambulance to get here, I don't think anybody's hurt, but just to make sure.”

Peter pulled himself back up on that rooftop, where he just dropped to the ground. He didn't seem to be too hurt; there were probably a bunch of contusions, but not as bad as the last time he came face to face with a Slayer. Peter was pretty sure his head didn't take a hit. But why was he so dizzy now? And why was it getting so damn hard to breathe? Only when Peter reached up to pull off his mask, he remembered the damn glibber.

“K”, he choked, “what is that?”

“It seems to be a gel made mostly of citrus and mint. Get to the compound right away”, she advised and Peter was not gonna argue that. By the time he got to the compound, Peter had about four more bruises; with the world around him blurring more and more it was quite difficult to manoeuvrer the antennas, walls and lamp posts. Hopefully nobody noticed too much of his embarrassing himself. It took the last bit of strength he had left to pull himself up to the penthouse balcony. He was suffocating, Peter was sure he was gonna be dead by the time he got up there. Oh god, this was how he was gonna die. Killed by a fucking mint? The, thanks to the rising panic, adrenaline was the only thing getting Peter to move these last few steps into the penthouse and, more out of it than anything else, Peter stumbled into the living room.

“Pete?” Looking up, Peter saw Harley stand in front of him.

Peter just pulled off his mask, maybe then he could breath, and at least tell Harley that he was sorry, that they could figure all of this out and that he really loved him. All he however got out was a breathy sigh: “Harley, I...”, before he tumbled to the ground and everything went dark.

“Peter? PETER!”, Harley cried out, as he dropped just in front of him. “TONY, HELP!”

Harley had barely called out, when Tony was already by his side. “Shit.” He all but pushed Harley out of the way and heaved Peter up into his arms. “FRI, check KAREN's log. What happened?”

“He fought a Spider-Slayer”, FRI reported as Tony hurried for the medbay, Harley on his heel. “This particular bot sprayed him with a goo that contains citrus and mint gels.”

“Oh fuck”, Tony hissed and picked up the pace.

“What the hell is going on?” Harley gritted his teeth, hard. It was the only thing to keep him from bawling his eyes out. Fuck, what was it with Peter making him cry today? First they sorta kinda break up and now he's gone ahead and killed himself?

“Spiders do not take kindly to citrus fruit or mint. Ever since the bite, making Peter's DNA part that of a spider, he too has a deathly allergy against these.”

“He's gonna be fine”, Tony shot over, though by now he was basically running. “Who's in?”

“Both Dr Cho and Dr Banner are ready to take care of Peter.”

As they hurried through the corridors, Tony and FRIDAY discussed some more logistics, but Harley couldn't concentrate. Damnit, here Peter was, fighting for his life, not even sure about Harley, about their relationship and about how much Harley loved him. Screw the tears, he wasn't gonna fight it any longer, he just needed to come along and make sure that Peter was gonna be alright, so he could tell him how much he loved him.

Then Tony and Peter disappeared through a door, but he was held back from by Bruce. “Harley, I'm sorry, but me and Helen got this sorted, please just wait for now.” With that also Bruce went into the forbidden room, and moments later Tony came back out.

“I can't stay either”, he shrugged, trying to bite down his tears. “Come on.” With his arm around Harley's shoulder, he all but pushed him to the nearest bench.

“Why didn't he just call you, you'd have gotten him help faster! Or why doesn't he have an epipen?”

“Because of his metabolism. He burns through any kind of medication faster than fire through a barrel of petrol.”

“What happened?” Nat and Clint ran into the waiting room.

“Wow, gossip spreads fast in here”, Tony remarked a lot more deadpan than he currently was. “Allergic reaction, thanks to JJJ.”

“Shit.”

They all dropped into various corners of the waiting room and soon enough the room was chuck full with Avengers.

And it all killed Harley; it felt like he was being torn apart. He couldn't sit still, there had to be something that he could do, just something, anything!

“Harley, kid, it's gonna be ok”, Tony assured him.

“You don't know that!”, he hissed back, not pulling his eyes away from the door separating him from Peter. “You don't know if he'll ever be ok, and the last thing we ever did was fight and break up and I don't... I can't...”

“Break up? Did you two start dating after all?”

“Please”, Harley scoffed, “we've been dating before we've come to New York in the first place.”

“Excuse me, what now?”

Oh for fuck's sake, Harley really had bigger issues right now. “We've been sleeping with each other for months and now drop it, or I'll go into details.” And that shut them up. Being affronting like that probably wasn't a good idea, but Harley couldn't give two fucks about them right now.

Well, now they knew. Might as well now that they were broken up. But Harley didn't want to be broken up with Peter! He was so in love with that guy, it was almost ridiculous. And every time Peter said that he loved Harley, it just did indescribably things to his heart and his soul (if he had one of those). And yes, maybe Peter was right, they got so lost in keeping everything secret that they forgot what their relationship was supposed to be about.

Peter was going to wake up again, he just had to. And then they'd get this sorted and be a couple and really in love again and everything was going to be alright.

*

The first thing Peter realized was some people talking. It was all very foggy, and the little he could make out did not make a lot of sense. There were probably quite a few people around, judging from the number of voices and the unbearable noise level.

“...Needs sleep... out of his system... swelling is down...” Peter wasn't even sure if it was all the same person talking.

As he came to a little more, he realized his hand being held. Unlike the talking, that was actually really nice. The calloused fingers that stroked his hands definitely were not May's. Maybe Tony? Or Harley?

“Can you please be quiet?” That was definitely Harley's voice and he sounded very pissed off. “You're gonna wake him.” Yeah, Peter was more and more convinced it was Harley's hand that now moved to brush some hair out of his face. Oh, that felt just wonderful.

“Sorry, kid.” That was Tony.

Peter was dying to find out who was in that room, but if he opened his eyes now, which by now felt like a doable possibility, everyone would crowd him, and Peter didn't even remember why they all were here. So, until he was sure what exactly had happened that had put him in what was probably the medbay, he was gonna keep his eyes closed and pretend he was asleep.

There was a lot of talk about lemon and mint and allergic reaction and many not kind words towards JJJ. Piece by piece it started to come back to Peter: him and Harley fighting; going on patrol and fighting the fucking Slayer; the weird goo, the bot doused him with; fighting to make it to the compound; Harley's face falling into pure horror before everything around Peter went dark as even the last bit of air was sucked from his lungs.

“Boss, May Parker is calling”, FRI interrupted the last round of cursing out JJJ.

“Oh shit”, Tony sighed. “Put her through, please.”

Oh no, Peter didn't want to hear that. “Tony, what happened?”

“Hello May”, Bruce answered, “Peter's in the medbay, allergic reaction, but it's alright now. He's asleep and all vital signs are as they should be.”

“How did this happen?” Shit, May sounded really tense, like she was close to tears.

“Spider-Slayer”, Tony admitted.

“ANOTHER? Tony, I can't believe that this keeps on happening over and over and there's nothing you can do about it? How in the hell can you...”

“For fuck's sake”, Harley yelled, “take these damn fights elsewhere, 'cause it's the last thing Peter needs when he wakes up.”

Peter could just swoon, it was incredible how Harley looked out for him.

“Maybe we should just leave you two alone”, Happy suggested.

“Maybe you should”, Harley shot back and Peter didn't want to be on the receiving end of that icy voice.

“FRI, put the call through to my phone”, Tony asked and everybody present walked out and with them the exhausting tension that even Peter felt.

“Ugh”, Harley sighed.

“Tell me about it”, Peter chuckled and glanced through half-open eyes.

“What the...”, Harley startled and all but jumped out of his chair. “How long have you been awake them?”

“Quite a while”, he admitted, fighting to open his eyes, which was quite the challenge, especially since every light in the room seemed to be on full brightness. “Didn't want to deal with all them.”

“I get that. How are you feeling? You need anything?”

“I need to tell you that I love you”, he smiled, “and that I don't want to break up with you.”

“I love you too”, Harley beamed and leaned over to kiss him. “And we're not breaking up, no, definitely not.”

“Good”, Peter sighed once Harley leaned back. “And now please, turn down the lights and any chance I could get a glass of water?”

“You idiot”, Harley groaned, “don't you think you being uncomfortable tops us having a fight?” Of course he complied, not without shaking his head, of course not. After helping Peter to sit up, he handed him a glass of water. “Pretty sure there's a bunch of jell-o somewhere.”

“You really know how to treat a guy”, Peter giggled.

“I know my man”, Harley just shrugged back, before grinning. “I should probably tell you that I might have told all them”, he gestured towards the door, “about us.”

“Oh.” Peter wasn't exactly sure what to do with that.

“Yeah, wasn't exactly planned, I might have been a little stressed with you passing out right in front of me and may have blurted out something along the lines of us having been doing it for months or so”, he admitted as a contrite blush spread over his face.

“This is so you”, Peter giggled, once Harley's confession sunk in. “Well, guess then there's no danger in asking you to come and make yourself comfortable.” He scooted over just enough so Harley could get up on the bed next to Peter. “But no shoes in my bed.”

“Yes sir”, he grinned and soon enough, they were snuggled on the bed and Peter was safely enveloped in Harley's arms.

“Oh, uhm, by the way, please FRI, could you send a message to Ned, telling him that everything's alright again and that me and Harley are very much in love.”

“Message is sent.”

“Thanks”, Peter smiled and fell back against Harley.

“What was that about?”

“Ned asked if we talked it out, told him that we might have kinda broken up instead and well, you know the rest...”

“Oh. Well, then I'm happy we are very much in love”, he beamed and kissed Peter's cheek.

“Yeah, me too.” Even if he wanted to, Peter could do nothing against the dopey, lovestruck grin.

A soft knock interrupted the dopey eye-making and lovestruck smiles. “Can I come in?”, Tony asked.

“Sure thing”, Peter answered.

“Pete! You're up!”, he exclaimed as he burst inside, stopping immediately dead in his tracks as he saw the two cuddling on the bed. “You weren't kidding about you being...”

“A couple?”

“In love?”

“Yeah, those things...” A lot more careful, Tony walked over and sat himself next to Peter. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I'll live.”

“Good. Your aunt made very clear that she'll first kill you and then me if you were to end up dead.”

“She didn't sound too happy on the phone”, Peter shrugged, before he thought it through.

It was pure exasperation the way Tony's face fell when he realized Peter had been awake a for a longer while than anyone had known. “She is on her way here”, he explained, playing over the other rest.

“Figured. You can tell everybody who's out there that they can come on in, too. Wait, let me guess first: it's Nat, Clint, Happy, Bruce, Steve, Bucky and Wanda.”

“How the absolute fuck do you know that?”, Harley asked in astonishment.

“Fucking spider-hearing”, Tony shook his head. “FRI, tell 'em to come on in.”

Thank the heavens for Harley. Being in his arms seemed to equal wearing full armour with guards all around – everybody kept a shocked and slightly amused distance.

“So, wanna tell us about how all that”, Bucky gestured between Harley and Peter, “came to being?”

As well as he was feeling, the sedatives and shit Bruce pumped through Peter's veins still had him feel foggy enough that he was happy to let Harley handle that. “Well, we met at MIT, I asked Peter out and we've had quite a lot of fun”, he grinned and from the corner of his eyes, Peter just saw Tony shuddering. “Anyways, since we weren't serious or anything, neither seemed to find it too important to shock the other with the family-like relationship we have with Ironman or, in some cases, about some spider-themed enhancements. Imagine our surprise, when invited to Stark dinner, because there's this other intern I just have to meet, and it's my boyfriend. Right, because by then we had made it official. Actually on our drive here to New York”, he added, and Peter couldn't help but smile at their story.

“And why didn't you just say that you two were a couple?”

“Because you guys are seriously exhausting”, Peter threw in. “We had just gotten together, still hadn't figured shit out and that distance just was necessary.”

“And it went great”, Harley continued the story. “Until you guys decided to set us up.”

“Again”, Nat threw in, “perfect opportunity to tell us about all this here.”

“And listen to 'we told you so' for the next fifty years? No thank you.”

“One thing wasn't a lie. Steve, that restaurant was horrible and made this whole thing so uncomfortable...”

“Sorry, kids”, he apologized as he turned beet-red.

“In summary, as you can see, whenever you guys got involved, things kinda went a little mixed up. But we know that lying wasn't the way to go either, so we're really sorry.”

“Don't sweat it”, Wanda smiled and patted Peter's leg, “there are enough spies in this room to get the whole secrecy thing. And we're sorry for pushing something we should have left alone.”

“Worked out pretty nicely in the end, didn't it?” Peter looked up to find Harley grinning down on him.

“Yeah, I'd say so”, he grinned back and stretched just enough for their lips to meet.

“Aw, you're so adorable”, Clint cooed, when Peter broke away, and snuggled himself back against Harley.

“Oh, you got no idea...”

The afternoon went by with plenty of visits, cooing, doting over Peter and more 'how are you's' than he could count, especially once May arrived. Thankfully, he had Harley beside him the entire time.

It was early evening, when the door flew open. “Mummy said I can come visit now!”, Morgan squealed and, without making sure she wouldn't squash Peter or Harley, she climbed on the bed, ending up somewhere on both their laps. “Harley, you can go, I can cuddle him now”, she made clear and expectantly looked at him.

“But I was here first”, he shot back, making no move to leave. He instead held a little tighter onto Peter.

“Yeah, because I wasn't allowed to come!”

“Honey, how about you...”

“No”, she interrupted Peter, “you only get healthy, I'll deal with the rest.”

“Alright then”, he nodded, biting down hard not to do like the assembled Avengers and Aunt May and burst out laughing.

“I love him more than you do”, Harley made clear, and if you had shot Gerald the Alpaca (yes, that was indeed his proper name and Morgan made sure that everybody always addressed him as such) Morgan could not have looked more enraged.

“You don't”, she made clear, “because I love him the most.”

“No, you don't!”

“Yes, I do!”

As Morgan and Harley continued their bickering Peter just turned to Pepper. “Hi.”

“Hey Pete. I can have either of them forcibly removed, if you need them to.”

“You know, as long as they argue about me and not with me, I can deal with it.”

“Right then”, she laughed. “I'm happy for you and Harley though. And, seeing you two like this explains why Tony is sitting upstairs, staring at the wall, repeating “not my innocent little Pete!” over and over again.”

It was true, Tony had kept his distance ever since Peter had woken up and had disappeared quite a while ago.

“He does know I'm no longer sixteen, right?”, Peter rolled his eyes.

“Not so sure”, Pepper admitted. “I think he's gonna learn that lesson one way or another now.”

“It's his fault, though”, Peter made clear, nudging Harley in the side. He was way to occupied to discuss with Morgan who was allowed to cuddle Peter now and barely nudged him back. “He apparently broke the news to everybody by telling them we've been... You know... for the last few months.” Sure, Morgan wasn't paying attention to what Peter was saying, but still. He wasn't going to talk about sex in front of his little sister.

“At least that doesn't leave any room for misunderstandings.”

“Good point”, he grinned.

“Right, this is leading nowhere.” With an exasperated sigh, Harley turned to Peter. “So. Which of us do you love more?”

If he got doused by another ounce of that lemony-glibber-shit, he wouldn't have to deal with this right now... But nobody in here was going to let him shock himself into anaphylaxis again, so he had no choice but to settle this. “I love you both. And, oh! Would you look at that, I've got two arms. One for Harley and one for Morgan. How does that sound?”

“Fine”, they agreed, albeit begrudgingly, and with a very uncomfortable and hurtful process, Morgan climbed over Peter and on his free side. “You still love me more than him, right?”, she whispered into his ear, once comfortably settled.

“Of course, but I can't tell him that. You know what Harley's like when he feels offended.”

“Yeah, he's such a drama queen...”

“He can hear you, you know?”, Harley deadpanned. “And there is a definite reason why Peter loves me more than you, because there's one thing he does with me he cannot do with you.”

What the FUCK? Trying to shoot Harley his best death glare, Peter turned to his boyfriend. He wasn't really going to cite them making out or sleeping together as the reason he was more loved, was he? Not to an eight-year-old!

“Because Peter likes to go on date-nights with me”, he grinned victoriously, and all the anxiety about having to explain his sex-life to a third-grader evaporated, as he sank against Harley's chest. “What did you think I was gonna talk about?”, he murmured into Peter's ear, leaving him unfortunately quite flushed.

“Ew!”, Morgan pulled a face, “date-night is so gross, though!”

“Harley is the one person date-night is really nice with, actually”, Peter shrugged.

“Really? Can I go on date-night with Harley, too then?”

“Nuh-uh-uh”, Peter made clear. “Only I can go on date-night with Harley.”

“That's ok”, Morgan shrugged, “boys are stupid anyways.”

“Believe me, I know”, Harley rolled his eyes.

“Hey!”, Peter moaned, whether at Morgan or Harley, he wasn't quite sure. Probably both of them.

“Sorry”, they answered in unison. “Here, let me make it up to you.” Harley reached for some place next to the bed and fished out a container of jell-o. “You forgive me now?”

“Not so sure...” Critically, Peter inspected the label of this lemon-flavoured jelly, before shoving it in Harley's face. “Didn't really think this one through, did ya?” He didn't even give Harley the chance to react, he put the cup back into Harley's hand, untangled his arm from behind his back and put it around Morgan. “I think you really do love me more.”

“Told you”, she chirped.

“I love you, too”, Harley tried to make it up to Peter.

As much as his entire being lit up at the sound of these fantastic words, he did his all to play it cool. “You did also just try to kill me.”

“That was an honest mistake”, he defended himself.

Morgan and Peter just exchanged a few looks. “Nah, I still love Petey more than you do”, she eventually made clear.

This was so incredible. Only a few years ago, Peter couldn't have imagined the running gag being people fighting over who loved him more! Being literally hunted down by a glorified asshole like JJJ didn't even bother Peter anymore; here wrapped up in Harley and Morgan's arms, there was no safer place on this planet. Safe enough to eventually close his eyes and let sleep take him.

When Peter opened his eyes again, everything around him was dark. It had to be late at night, the moon did shine through the window, illuminating what was quite the adorable scene: On his left was Harley, mouth wide open as he snored and there might even be a bit of drool there. On his other side was Morgan, snuggled and clinging against Peter's side as if she were a spider monkey.

“We tried to get her to bed”, came Tony's voice from the corner, “wouldn't let go though.”

“What the fuck, you can't just scare me like this”, Peter made clear.

“Says the guy who staggered into my house and collapsed in the living room.”

“Fair enough”, he grinned. “So what, making sure nothing fishy's going on when me and Harley share a bed?”

“I wasn't. And until now I wasn't even thinking that”, Tony groaned.

“I'm sorry we didn't tell you.”

“In a weird, fucked-up way I get it. Still gonna take me a while to get used to it.”

“Well, lucky for you, me and Harley are going to be around for another two months, granting more than enough chances for you to witness our adorableness and get used to us.”

“That I fear”, Tony grumbled. “I still can't believe that you're seriously growing up... At least from what Harley mentioned yesterday, I figure I don't need to have the birds and bees talk with you.”

“Pepper might have mentioned something about your crisis about your 'innocent little Pete' growing up... You do realize I'm not sixteen any more, right?”

“Yes, I am painfully aware of that. But I don't need to worry about you sleeping with your boyfriend, I need to worry about you getting better. And no matter how old you are, I'll still tell you when to go to bed, and oh, would you look at that? It's 2am. Sleep now.”

“You need sleep too.”

“I'll sleep as soon as you're sleeping again. So, close your eyes so I can get some sleep.” “Yes, sir”, Peter chuckled and snuggled a little more into his cushions. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, kid.”

[huntertheblackwolf]

For @kimmycup, @mosdrash, and @snarkyship!💞 I hope I don't disappoint! (Also, one video that inspired me was this one here, so yeah! Replace the outfits they have, with one @snarkyship did!) Enjoy! This is 1.4k words! Also sorry about the early accident! Didn't know tumblr would do that to me. Talk about embarrassing!😳💀

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Pepper.”

“Tony.”

“Pepper!”

“Tony.”

“Pepper. Come on!” He drew the last letter out slowly and loudly.

“Tony please. You might find it enjoyable! You might even get to see your favorite dancer!”

Tony perked up, but then deflated. “Yeah, but he’s taken. There’s no reason to go.”

One month ago, Tony and Pepper attended a formal event, something for charity or whatever, that Obadiah was sending him.

‘More like forcing me to go.’

To be frank, Tony wasn’t paying attention to what Obadiah was telling him and on a whim, he invited Pepper, someone who would normally help him from doing “disaterious things”, his uncle’s words, not his. Arriving there, he knew he wasn’t going to find anything fun to do at the party. Just when he was about to leave the ball, or was it a charity event, the lights turned off and a spotlight shone in the center of the dance floor. Normally, in moments such as these, Tony would have usually left, but instead, something told him to stay. Looking towards the spotlight, he noticed two people walking to it, dressed in outfits, different from the ones people would usually wear. For some reason, they made it work.

‘Especially the one in blue.’ Tony thought, staring at the long legged man, whos’ suit wrapped around him sharply. With a start, he realised Pepper was besides him, speaking to him.

“Hm? Can you repeat that again?”

She sighed and repeated her question again. “I thought you were leaving?”

“Nah. Who are they?”

“I don’t know. Nobody said anything about this” She shrugged, looking towards the pretty redhead. Before he could say anything back, a beat began.

In the center, stood the man and behind him, stood the woman, slightly being overshadowed by him. Wrapping her arms around him. They almost interlocked their fingers, but she slipped away and turned towards him, almost twirling to face him. Gripping her by the hip and shoulder, they started to dance, magnificently. It was almost dizzyingly to watch them dance as they kept switching on who was conducting, making it unique. With a final dip, the expressionless redhead slightly bended over the male who was doing a split and smiling in satisfaction. Looking on, Tony’s eyes shined in delight and amazement.

“Whoa, Pepper! Did you see that? I mean- like- that was just-”, Tony spluttered, unable to find words as he looked on in wonder, catching the male’s emerald eyes as he was let up. They both stared at each and suddenly the male smirked, causing Tony to blush a pretty pink blush. Turning away, he didn’t notice Pepper still staring at the redhead. As the applause died down, Tony looked back to the male, but didn’t find him anywhere.

‘Shit.’

Going home disappointed, Tony was resolved in founding out who he, they, were. Asking JARVIS, he soon found out who and what they were called.

“You got names, JAR?”

“Sir. The duo consists of Loki Friggason and Natasha Romanoff and they’re called ‘The Venomous Two’, Sir.”

“How come they’re named ‘The Venomous Two’ J?”

“It seems that every dance they perform, they entrance the audience, almost like a spider or snake injecting its prey with venom, hence the name ‘The Venomous Two’, Sir. They’re quite famous for dancing in formal balls and are requested highly, but they’re expensive to hire, Sir.” JARVIS answered dutifully.

“Are they-”, Tony hesitated, “a couple?”, almost twiddling his thumbs.

“From the sources, it seems that they appear so, Sir.”

Tony sighed, but couldn’t stop thinking about the male, now known as Loki.

“Damn. Whatever, it’ll pass. Right J?”

“Of course Sir.” He said in an almost sarcastic tone.

“Is that sass I hear J?”

“Of course not Sir.”

“Well, whatever, I know I’ll get over him.”

He didn’t and instead has been pinning over Loki for a month.

A month! He never stayed in a relationship that long, but here he was! Pinning after a guy, he never even spoke to! Pepper, noticing what was going on, finally cornered him, insisting that he go with her to a ball, hosted by someone famous. He didn’t get the name, instead focusing on who would be dancing there, which led to now.

“Please Tony! You know it might just be a bunch of gossiping tabloids! You’ve been moping around nonstop! The bots and JARVIS are worried and so am I.” Pepper said, a hand to her hip. “Get dressed, we’re going out, whether you like it or not.” She walked off, knowing he would listen to her.

“Ugh! Fine! I’m not going to enjoy it though.” He said, finally getting up from the couch he was ‘moping’ on. Walking towards his room, he started to remove his clothes, intending to take a shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dressed in a black suit and green tie, that almost matched Lokis’ eye color which he didn’t plan to, he accompanied Pepper to the ball, going around in circles, making rounds and greeting people that he knew from other parties. Stopping suddenly, he spotted Loki's girlfriend, Natasha. Pepper, noticing the redhead up front, started walking towards her, almost dragging Tony with her.

“Tony, there’s someone I want you to meet.”, she nervously said. “This is my girlfriend, Natasha Romanoff.”

“Nice to meet you. You must be Pepper’s friend from last time.” She greeted, holding her hand out to shake, slightly smiling.

“Wait a minute. Who the hell do you think you are? Cheating on Loki with Pepper? She isn’t some toy to play with on the side! And for you to be dishonest with Loki! He seems like an amazing person! And another thing-”

“Tony!” Pepper harshly whispered, blushing bright red. “She’s gay, you idiot!”

“She- wha?” He gasped, looking towards Pepper and then at Natasha who was smiling behind her hand.

“I’m very much gay, meaning that Loki and I aren’t a couple. The media just likes portraying us like that, because of the way we dance.” She said, smirking at Tony who was plushing now.

“Oh. Haha.”, he chuckled awkwardly, “sorry about that, I just- I love Pepper and well-”.

“It’s fine. I understand. I’m glad to see Pepper surrounded by wonderful people.” She smiled at Pepper, who was now smiling brightly at her.

“So, does that mean that Loki is-”

“Single? Yes, it most certainly does.” A deep male voice purred behind Tony, “and gay too.”

With a gasp, Tony turned around and came face to face with Loki.

“Hello.” His voice sounded like velvet to Tony, making him sigh dreamily. Noticing what he just did, he blushed.

‘What is me and the blushing today?’

He cleared his throat and greeted him back, plastering on a grin, which earned him a smirk. Not noticing Pepper and Natasha leave, he started to speak.

“Hello, you must be Loki.”

“And you must be Anthony Stark.” He drew out the name softly, causing Tony to shiver.

“At your service.” He grinned, “So, you’re single, huh?”

Loki nodded and smirked.

“How would you feel about dancing at my place?”

“That depends? Will we be dancing alone?” He whispered huskily, bending over to Tony’s ear.

"Of course." He whispered back, almost nosing Loki's jawline. Shivering, Loki took a step forward, stepping into Tony's space.

"Alright, but after the performance. Can't be running out on the people who pay me, right?" He chuckled, Tony now the one shivering.

"Sure thing Prancer. Can't wait to see what you have in store." Tony whispered, laying both hands on Loki's shoulders.

Smirking, Loki leaned back and Tony backed away a step or two.

"I hope you enjoy the show then." Loki started to walk, hips swaying back and forth gently.

"I sure will." Tony spoke to himself, entranced by Loki.

And he did and everyday that followed. Turns out, they have a lot in come, causing them to slowly fall in love. The first that confessed was Tony, after Loki seemed to be pondering on leaving him. In reality, Loki was actually considering staying with Anthony, instead of going back 'home'.

"My love, you don't need to worry. I'm staying here with you, because I love you too."

"Oh", he said in embarrassment.

"Oh."

Loki chuckled. "How about I prepare you some breakfast?"

"Okay", Tony said, in a daze. Smiling, Loki got up and started to prepare a late breakfast.

"He loves me back. JARVIS! Did you hear that? He said he loves me!"

"Indeed I did Sir. And may I say, congratulations."

"Thanks buddy." He grinned and started to run towards Loki.

"I love you too." Kissing Loki's check, he smiled and blushed as Loki chuckled and kissed him back.

[captain-k-jones]

Top 10 Ships

I have been wanted to do a post like this for the 2019 decade thing or Valentines day -- but I have been super lazy recovering from surgery. I guess late is better than never, right?!?!

1. Kastle: Frank Castle/Karen Page - The Punisher/Daredevil

What can I say about these two that has not already been said?! I remember how much I loved Matt Murdock in DD1. I raved about the show for months. Then DD2 happened and from the moment Frank Castle stepped into that hospital I was a goner. Then, Karen Page shoved a photo in his face and down the rabbit whole I went. This ship took over my life and still has not let go. I will die loving these two. The are one of those ships that will last a lifetime. Lets hope Disney/Marvel comes to their senses and puts the show on Hulu ASAP.

2. Bangel: Buffy Summers/Angel - Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel

These two were my first ship, ever. They will always be special to me -- even if they are not my top ship anymore. I recently started rewatching BtVS with my daughter for the first time and these two still make my heart melt. 

3. Captain Swan: Emma Swan/Killian Jones - Once Upon a Time

The ship that got me writing again. These two hit me like a hurricane. I had been silent in fandom for years, just lurking really. These two inspired me to make a blog and start writing. Because of these two I made lifelong friends who, even though we don’t speak as much anymore, I know will always be there. 

4. Gannibyl: Gannicus/Sibyl - Spartacus (Starz)

From a little known -- but amazing -- show called Spartacus on Starz. This ship didn’t happen until the last season but it was so nice to see my favorite character so settled despite the war raging around them. 

5. Charles Vane/Eleanor Guthrie - Black Sails

I loved these two so much. He would have given up everything for her and, in a way he did. From the moment he told Max he did want to know how to forget her, I was hooked. 

6. PB&J: Pam/Jim Halpert - The Office

I mean, do I really have to say anything about these two?!?! From the moment I started watching The Office it was Pam/Jim, it was always Pam/Jim.

7. Pepperony: Pepper/Tony Stark - MCU

I don’t normally ship so hardcore in movies but, I mean, it was Tony and Pepper. When you love Tony Stark/Ironman as much as I do, you love the woman that takes care of him.

8. SethKate: Kate Fuller/Seth Gecko

These two were so unexpected. I loved the From Dusk till Dawn movie series and when I found out there was a show, I immediately searched it out to watch it. The chemistry between these two was off the charts in season 1, then season 2 happened and I was hooked. Enemies to friends to love(ers) will always be one of my favorite tropes and these two played that trope to the tee!

9. Polar: Michael Guerin/Liz Parker - (The Original) Roswell

I remember watching Roswell back in the day. As with 99% of the audience, I shipped the canon couples for the first season. But, as the show went on, I got so annoyed with how Max treated Liz (who was my favorite female character)  and how Maria treated Michael (who was my favorite male character). By the end of season 2, I’d jumped ship on both of those ships and found I wanted Michael and Liz to get together. Even though it never happened in the show... I still ship these two something fierce. 

10. Sam and Dean Winchester (non-romantically) - Supernatural

I love these two brothers, they are the reason I still watch this show. The lengths they will go for each others is part unhealthy and part #siblinggoals. When this show ends this year, I will be left with a void that I don’t know how I will fill it. 

[firebirdtransam68]

Transformers: Superlink References I Noticed

Most Trans-fans watch Transformers: Armada and Energon and see them as a completely different universe with little to no G1 references (and some Star Trek, Star Wars, and Pokémon references peppered into the trilogy), besides seeing them as some of the worst Transformers media; I saw Transformers: Micron Legend and Superlink that have a lot of G1 references, as well as being some of the most underrated and underappreciated Transformers media.

Superlink, especially, have many references from The Transformers: The Movie (1986) as well as parts of the original series, including Season 3, and a few callbacks from its predecessor, Micron Legend (Superlink is its sequel, after all).

The following G1 movie references I saw from Superlink include:

- The show brought back original characters from Micron Legend (including Ironhide, Sandstorm, and Shockwave), and then killed them off before even half-way into the series

- Megatron comes back as Galvatron; with not only a new body (which is a huge callout from the 1986 movie), but a different voice actor/seiyuu, as well

- Some of the original characters (especially Sandstorm, Ironhide, and Shockwave) were reformatted via Unicron’s power into completely different characters that are not as memorable

- Rodimus Prime (called Rodimus Convoy) makes an appearance, even though this Rodimus was not originally Hot Rod

- Springer (called Sprung in Superlink; which means the same thing) also makes an appearance

- A few scenes featuring Rodimus and Galvatron fighting each other is quite a big reference to the final battle in the 1986 film

- My least favorite Transformer: A Quintesson (Alpha Q)

- The animation is different than it was in Micron Legend; much like how the animation for The Transformers (1984-1987) was animated by Toei Animation, while the 1986 movie was animated by AKOM (and its style is a little different, as well)

- A completely different soundtrack specifically for the anime is used without reusing the Micron Legend soundtrack

- While songs like “The Touch,” “Dare,” and “Instruments Of Destruction” played at least once in The Transformers: The Movie, the intro and outro songs (“Taiyo no Transform” and “Calling You,” respectively) featured during certain episodes, especially in epic moments featuring fight scenes

- Not only is Kicker Jones a reference to Daniel Witwicky (a young tagalong human who is friends with the Autobots), he is also a composite character with G1 Hot Rod by behavior/attitude (he is quite impulsive, and wants his friends to not give up and fight for what is right)

- The female Transformer, Ariel, is a reference to G1 Arcee, since there was already an Arcee in Micron Legend

- There is a really fast Autobot; for Generation One, it is Blurr, and not only does he go fast, he even talks fast, as well; for Superlink, it is Wing Saber, who is quite an energetic Transformer to begin with (Episodes 26, 28, and the TV special are some well-known examples displaying his speed)

- Unicron looks a little more like his G1 counterpart than he did in Micron Legend

- Both the 1986 film and Superlink have their dark and silly moments, including beloved characters being killed off and Unicron causing destruction, and some slapstick moments regarding the Transformers

There are also some references from the original G1 TV show, as well:

- In both the G1 show and Superlink, an Autobot was killed off, and was reformatted into another, yet very similar, Autobot that is more well-known to many Trans-fans; respectively, they are Orion Pax (now Optimus Prime) and Wing Dagger (now Wing Saber); coincidently, both of their voice actors also voiced Ironhide (both Optimus Prime and Ironhide were voice by Peter Cullen in Generation One; Wing Saber and Ironhide were voiced by Koji Yusa in the original Unicron Trilogy)

- The G1 transformation sound effect is in the show!

- Many Transformers are based on their G1 counterparts, including Inferno, Wheeljack, Skyfire (almost), Omega Supreme, and Lazerwave (his G1 counterpart is called Shockwave, but since there is already a Shockwave in the Unicron Trilogy, the Decepticon’s name is Lazerwave, much like his Japanese version)

- Although they are not the same character, Superlink’s Red Alert and G1 Mirage share a very similar alt-mode, which is a blue Formula One race car

- The Shadowhawk Terrocons almost resemble G1 Lazerbeak; the Command Jaguar Terrocons resemble G1 Ravage; and the therapod Terrocons are called Dinobots (although, some may say they are a reference to Beast Wars’ Dinobot)

- The combiners made appearances in the show, including Buildron (a reference to G1 Devastator, but since there was already a Devastator in Micron Legend, the Decepticon combiner is called Buildron), Bruticus (whose individual combiners even kept their G1 names), and Superion (an Autobot combiner); there are also a few moments with Superion and Omega Supreme, as well, much like in Generation One

- One word: Energon (except, in G1, it is Energon Cubes; Superlink has Energon Stars)

However, being a Mecha anime show, Superlink also has references to other Mecha shows, including Voltron (as well as Beast King Golion and Armored Fleet Dairugger XV, due to the Grand Force (Prime Force) serving as Optimus Prime’s (or Grand Convoy) arms and legs), Gundam, and even the Brave Saga (including Brave Police J-Decker, in which I am also watching).  The Brave Saga, in particular, are referenced in Superlink, including the following:

- Once the Transformers Superlinked (combined) with one another, we see close-ups of their combining sequence, they call out their forms, strike a pose, and then the battle begins; special mention goes to Optimus Prime/Grand Convoy, with his Super Mode/Hyper Mode (with the Grand Force), Wing Convoy mode (with Wing Saber), and Omega Convoy mode (with Omega Supreme)

- While the Transformers shout, “TRANSFORM!” the Brave robots shout, “CHANGE!” once they transform into their vehicle mode or robot mode

- Both the Transformers and the Brave robots are emotive, and have had many humanized moments, as well

- Since the Transformers and the Brave robots are sentient and can talk, they also have different personalities that makes them what they are as characters

- Both Transformers and the Brave robots have a human companion who fights alongside them

- Both franchises have their awesome, funny, heartwarming, terrifying, and heartbreaking moments that makes their target audiences attached to their works

I could list more references and callbacks that I noticed in Transformers: Superlink, but I will leave it at that, and maybe you can also find references in the show, as well.

Also, as I have mentioned, I am currently watching Brave Police J-Decker, and I have completed 12 episodes, so far; the robots are very similar to Transformers, it has their awesome, funny and heartbreaking moments that motivate me even more to continue the series until the grand finale, and I already got a favorite character since Episode 1, Deckerd, the main Brave Police robot, and the main human character’s companion; and a really cool vehicle mode (also, I discovered another really underrated seiyuu, Toru Furusawa; he also made a brief appearance in Transformers, but he is mostly well-known in the Brave Saga; in fact, he is so underrated that DeviantArt does not have a single stamp or fan art based on him (at least not yet); so, for any anime and seiyuu fans, I would suggest giving this voice actor more recognition, as well).

That is all I will be saying for now.  Stay tuned for more posts.

This is FirebirdTransAm68 signing out.

[onestowatch]

WizTheMc Talks Growing Up in Germany, Signing to 10K Projects/Homemade Projects, and His New Single “Lied” [Q&A]

Raised in Germany, based in Toronto WizTheMc has a new vision for rap. He started gaining attention with singles “Do What I Want” and “On My Mind,” which showcased his youthful attitude and his ability to hop on instrumentals you wouldn’t typically hear rappers perform over. WizTheMc signed to 10K Projects/Homemade Projects earlier this year and his label debut “For A Minute” established him as a unique and versatile emcee. His follow up single “Lied” is equally as charismatic, catchy, and summery.

We got the chance to connect with WizTheMc via email and learn more about his creative process, signing to 10K Projects, and how his experience overseas influenced his music.

Ones To Watch: What do you hope fans take away when they listen to “Lied”?

I want them to know that it is ok to feel like you haven’t been honest to yourself because you wanted to create space for someone and set them free. “Lied” is in no way a bitter song, rather me being honest with myself that I actually wasn’t sure about my decisions in a scenario of letting go.

One of my favorite parts of your music is your ability to hop on a variety of different instrumentals. What’s your process for picking beats and working with producers?

Honestly I don’t take beat packs and only work with a handful of producers. Before I met Hugo, who helped me discover my sound in the summer of 2019 in Berlin, Germany, I produced most of my catalogue including one of my recent summer vibes For A Minute. My process now is a lot different to when I first started producing myself. Now I work with the Toronto legend Jeff Hazin (producer, writer) who’s an absolute musical genius. He pulls the craziest and best parts out of me. After working with him for almost a year now I still always look forward to every session I have with him. There’s no process, he just got the juice and we vibe.

How did growing up in Germany affect your creative journey?

Well, I often times say it didn’t affect me in any real way because I was always making music in my room, in my own world. It never felt like I was in any specific place, so that never really mattered to me. Though one thing I can say for sure, growing up in a small town (Lüneburg) made me dislike the mentality that came with it. So every time I had a chance to do something outside of what everyone else was doing, it didn’t matter if it was photography, film or making music, I got completely obsessed with it, because it gave me the feeling of creating a new me, a new life no one would have say over.

What drew you to Toronto when you first started to pursue music?

It was a cheap flight that initially got me there but it was the culture, the music and arts scene that kept me here. I had amazing opportunities all around me and I seized every single one of them. From postering the streets with my face to promote my music, to playing gigs at every possible open mic and event that would let me perform.

What was it like signing a record deal with 10K Projects/Homemade Projects during quarantine?

Wild but oddly calm. It was never a dream of mine. To be heard yes, but to sign was not in my near future plans. Zach, Tony, Molly, Elliot and the whole Homemade/10K team changed my mind with that. We were talking to other labels around the time that Homemade came into the picture. I was quite overwhelmed by meeting all these industry people who heard of me and were interested in signing me. But this team made me feel like they saw what I was after and really valued the level I had worked myself up to. So rather than thinking, oh here’s a label trying to swoop me up, it felt like we were talking like business partners with mutual respect for one another. In the weeks prior to me actually signing, protests about the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and countless other black & indigenous people started in the US. Being from South Africa, I know the struggles my father and my family went through in the times of apartheid and the repercussions that still exist to this day. Seeing a first world country like the United States go through similar motions in 2020 made me sick.

To show unity and love in these times Jacob (my good friend and manager) and I decided to share a donation of $10000 to the Nia Centre for the Arts and Foodshare Toronto. Two Toronto based organizations doing the real grassroots work in the city. We wanted to do something together with our new partners to really recognize as a group what it meant to be able to think about music in a time like that. 10k had already started a fund for social justice projects, so the whole team jumped on and joined together to contribute. All of us giving to our local communities that helped build us up, Toronto, Philly and LA.

I was always privileged enough to have food in the fridge and to pursue what my dreams were and are but me and Jacob are well aware that not everyone has had an equal chance to do so. This is just the first step of us collectively cultivating love and support in our immediate communities.

How has your creative process changed since signing a label deal?

Nothing has changed, my Uber Eats orders just got more bougie.

In an earlier interview you stated, “I want to change how people think about what a rapper can be.” What does that mean to you and how do you think you’re accomplishing that?

Rap is raw. It always has been. In the beginning it was real, all you could show and express had to be real otherwise you never touched the mic again. Now Rap and Hip hop are the number 1 favorite for people from around the world to listen to and indulge in. A big part of that audience isn’t so connected to the lyrics anymore, and in some cases fortunately doesn’t have to be. I feel like the world is and has been ready for rappers to make songs with Taylor Swift (Kendrick did that), songs with Linkin Park (Jay Z did that) etc. And I’m more than anything inspired by rappers and musicians who are willing to make music that is beyond the borders of what they started out making. That’s real evolution and thats what I’m after. You tell me if I’m accomplishing that.

What’s next for WizTheMc?

Lots of super cool videos, lots of studio time with people I love and lots of finding out who I want to be and how I want to show up in the world.

What are some of your dream collaborations?

Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Kayne West, J. Cole

Who are your Ones to Watch?

I love Dominic Fike’s new album and otherwise I’m too lost in my own music right now to pay attention to other people's work. But that will change and I can’t wait for that. Though for everyone from North America, check out MAJAN and Cro, two amazing german artists I admire with vibes out of this world.

Listen to “Lied” by WizTheMc below:

[girlbookwrm]

AVENGERS: CIVIL WAR

THE MIGHTY PRE ENDGAME REWATCH

it took us two entire days to watch this, back in whenever we were watching this. I’ve got a Bundle of Papers here in front of me, and the CW Bundle is by far the thickest, and that’s with minimal salt content.

Speaking of Salt: The Roommate and I had to approach this as an Avengers movie. Because otherwise the salt levels in this would be toxic, possibly fatal. Even so, ppl with high cholesterol be warned

LET’S DO THIS

1991!

Winter Soldier: 

what is this

what is this please

dat beef tho

what is this op sec

honestly

NO mask

SHINY FUCKOFF ARM just HANGING OUT

CCTV???

~ooooooo he’s a ghooooooooooooost~

he’s got an extremely dedicated and very harried cleanup crew is what he’s got

OH! OLD LOGO ILU!!!

LAGOS!!

The Roommate: That’s a lot of sugar

i ain’t judging

what, you think her powers run on optimism?

is there an accent? is there not? Shroedinger’s accent.

droney the drone

sam’s lil sky roomba

i love him

guhhhh this scene every line shows character and growth and i just *clenches fist*

did

did falcon just throw steve

just yeeted him at the enemy?

god i love that

also: has steve bulked up since TWS?

that’s also on Sam, yeah?

CUT THE CHEEEEECCCCK

is this fucking NEUROTOXIN? STEVE WHERE’S UR MASK?

Steve, throwing himself into a room full of an unknown poison gas without a mask: I bet i can survive this

Bucky, in Bucharest: *breaks whatever he’s holding without knowing why*

god i love sam

“I don’t work like that no more” Means ?????????????

PARKOUR NAT

is also BRUNCH MOM NAT

“both grunting” is always one of my favorite subtitles

2 white boys fighting in the middle of the street like it’s a video game

god someone took the murder strut to heart wow that is some. that is some something that’s for sure.

give me even one (1) heterosexual explanation for "your pal your buddy your bucky"

there’s no way that bucky ever said this, right? this is just Rumlow fucking with steve, and the screenwriters fucking with us

because IN CASE YOU WERE NOT IN THIS FANDOM IN 2016, WE ALL THOUGHT CAP WOULD DIE IN THIS MOVIE

WE WERE SO SURE

wow i wonder if that will be relevant to anyone’s emotions here in the year of our lordt 2019

anyway, what bucky actually said was:

“please tell rogers... that he’s a big dumb dildo and he should wear a gas mask and also a parachute.”

listen i love this opening scene but also wanda is not at all responsible for this explosion and the fact that they act like she is undermines my ability to suspend my disbelief.

DIGITAL ENYOUTHENMENT ALERT

also, tony the fact that you are using your literal dead mom as an actual therapist is

wow

BARF feels right to me

too real, tony

it’s too real

how ARE you getting around the strings and taxes tho

Also can i say that i actually love that Pepper’s absence is this profoundly important to the story. The hole where pepper should be is a huge part of this story and i like that. i like that a lot.

WOW THAT EXTRA IS LIKE A MASHUP OF NAT AND WANDA. SHE IS THE GENERIC MARVEL WHITE LADY

more a+ visual storytelling with the elevator

I’m just so mad that they blame wanda and play that straight?

all they had to do was outright acknowledge one (1) time that the media is picking on her because she’s a woman/a foreigner

imagine that speech coming from nat instead of steve

though i do love Steve’s pep talk

again. give me one (1) heterosexual explanation

though why not have Steve say “they’re just bullies, you did the right thing” and hearken back to smolsteeb

The Roommate: Remember how i was mad at his Oscars Velvet Blazer? I am also mad at this sweater.... it looks... so soft... i don’t know if i want it on him or off him... just wanna tuch....... and wear..........?”

Vision’s Ascot is. Something else man.

The Roommate: Why is ross secretary of state?

Me: Why is Trump President

Me: I bet Ross is vegan

the roommate, who has vegan-related trauma: UUUUGGGHHHHHHHH

Nat's reaction to vigilantes: Bitch please. she is Unbothered.

you don’t have to show us footage we’ve got the ptsd nightmares

400 pages in 3 days

[tired american sighing]

we honestly can’t even criticize this plot point anymore just

[my longest and most american sigh]

CLEVELAND!!!

hail hydra continues to be the Most Terrible last words

but WHY does ross have the congressional medal of honor

do you know how HARD it is to get one of those????

yeesh

sassy black friends sassing at each other

is definitely a

thing that is happening rn

Vision: Well Actually

no one cares, vis

ok like

a kid is dead but

3.6 is an okay GPA

maybe all my friends are overachievers

maybe it’s just because most of them are women but like

it’s an okay GPA

i’d have 8000% more respect for Tony if he was more upfront like “look this is on me” especially here

are we supposed to be picking all this up as subtext, actually?

because i know that this movie ALSO had a Troubled Youth ala ant man

and i really do appreciate the Russos for relying on a smart audience but there’s a lot going on

and it’s very obvious to me that they had to shift gears 18,000 times in the script writing phase

so like, you’ve got old man vet steve

but it’s painfully obvious that he missed vietnam right?

like

it’s painfully obvious

and he’s v egotistical and self righteous too 

it IS a battle of the egos

and no one is right

except natasha

Steve: i have to go

me: mood

LONDON!!!!

oh god

oh god no

steve god no steve oh god

gfhskfdjjjksjdjjhrrrrhrhhrhfhh [wailing and rending of garments]

Re Peggy’s age:

SURPRISE IT’S ACTUALLY PLAUSIBLE

so the True Hallmark of a Cap Movie is Peggy telling steve what to do.

so weird to have that in an avengers movie

i do love this. GOOD BRO NAT CONTENT

Um. is vision a minor? is wanda?

again, nat is the only Correct one here

stay together guys

it might be

reeeeeeaaaaally important in 

*checks watch*

two years’ time.

~hug~

VIENNA!!!!!

CHAD WICK! CHAD! WICK! CHAD! WICK!

god i love the xhosa in this

There is a level of worldbuilding in this that we p much only get from the russos/markus&mcfeely. i mean -- internal consistency worldbuilding? if that makes sense? we get a lot of visual worldbuilding in black panther, but this is distinctly different and hard to articulate and it has to do with the way they approach things and how they assume audience intelligence

it just works for me

oh no chadwick boseman don’t be cry

Sharon deserves better

than being cockblocked by her own aunt

and also sam wilson (who also deserves better)

cryptid!bucky

Nat did you get that suit from jenny agutter?

LA Brunch Mom Nat

mah girl

she’s just so tired

steve (bless him) is just so exhausting

couples date sam and steve dressed to match

“at the gym”??? really? the arm is... a bit of a giveaway

i do feel bad for zemo in this one specific case

russian IS hard

how. did he get that in there?

Soft Plumboy Bucky

BEEF

Captain’s Log: Buck’s place is a shithole

Sergeant’s Log: Steve’s face is pretty

surprise bitch

“That’s Smart, Good Strategy” is an excellent phrase to use in everyday conversation in order to weed out who Knows and who Doesn’t.

What i have learned from civil war: 

Captain America is a projectile weapon

further query:

did bucky ever hurl small steve at assailants?

Bucky: *punts steve down an alley*

Steve, 90 lbs of rage at 90 mph: GET WRECKED

Bucky’s got big tommy wiseau cryptid energy here

And now there’s a cat

bucky:

I love this vampire running and also bucky’s thighs

Steve Rogers: Excuse me sir I need to commandeer this vehicle. YEET.

Bucky Barnes: Excuse me sir I need to commandeer this vehicle. YOINK.

Bucky and Steve: Wrecking your morning commute since 2014

WAR MACHINE!!!

god vis has the biggest dorkiest crush

so vis are you a child prodigy? or? what?

The Roommate, a cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure: vis have you eaten anything between CW and IW?

Me, sinnamon roll, not to be trusted: *dying* *thinking about how Vision’s got schroedinger’s dick. does it exist? does it not exist? who knows.*

Me: Y. Yes. I th. think he has. eaten something. between now and. and IW. something.

The Roommate: *betrayed look*

Me: DEEP FRIED KEBAB MAYBE? I DON’T KNOW.

The Roommate: *is so disappointed*

BERLIN!!!!!!

Bucky is. So tired. Let him rest.

fucking up the morning commute again i see

u like cats??

I love the ratio of overkill:ineffectiveness with this glass box they put him in.

why did tony  bring these fancy pens

the time spent explaining them could’ve been spent doing literally anything else

*i still don’t understand the accords*

GOD STEVE WANTS TO BE AN UNCLE SO BAD

“my fault”

there it is

“truth is i don’t want to stop”

THERE it is

“i thought the accords could split the difference”

THERE IT IS

"no, i don’t.”

THERE IT IS

“IT’S INTERNMENT.”

THERE! IT! IS!

gah.

wanda’s accent et al -- MAKE IT EXPLICIT MARVEL YOU COWARDS

no but really what are the accords

here followed a 20-30 minute convo about the accords

basically the summing up was:

Nat is 100% Right Ross is 100% Wrong Everyone Else is In A Grey Area

look this is actually a really good avengers movie

but

this is a moment when the back catalogue works against them because this conversation is so -- it implies a lot of friendly interactions between these two. they seem to have a relationship

but i keep looking at all the other movies they’ve interacted in like

BITCH WHERE? WHERE IS THE TONYSTEVE FRIENDSHIP? WHERE???

i am anticipating this will cause me A Grief later

The Roommate, looking at Steve in his Grey Shirt and Jacket: Damn, sir. Stop wearing clothes.

“BIRD COSTUME???”

“j a m e s”

big holt talking to rosa vibes there

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

A VAST AND MIGHTY MOOD

Zemo’s plan is so ridiculous i genuinely don’t have time to get into it i still have two pages of notes to get through holy shit.

this fight scene. does things. for me.

hhhHNNNNHGH BEEFSTEAK

(oh tony left with no suit? growth dot gif)

THIGHS

T H I G H S ! ! ! !

CHADWICK!

Sam out here, serving looks, casually modeling

B I C E P S ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

TOO SEXY! *crashes helicopter*

I need twelve more scenes of steve and bucky faffing about in the water.

A more effective restraint than the custom made bucky bottle

(BRIEF 1991)

haaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAa biceps u stop that

Is Tony having a heart attack???

he has no concept of how to treat children because he never was one oh no i gave myself a sad feeling

QUEENS!!!!!!!

“I’m having a big fight in a parking lot with my superhero friends better go pick up a child as backup.” - tony stark

tony he doesn’t have a passport and if he understood what was happening he would not be on your side

Now That’s What I Call Vigilantism.

Why are you bringing a CHILD to a gun fight

Tony’s face, to me, suggests that he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing

also? it’s painfully obvious to me that these scenes were copypasted in late stage when they finally found out that yes they would have the rights to spiderman lol

for some reason they don’t feel the need to tell is that this is avengers compound in 400 point font

i’m so lost

where are we?

without the 400 point font i can only assume we are on mars

THAT’s a fine way to greet YOUR FATHER, WANDA

hawkeye is in fact the team lynchpin

is it

ugh

is it because they listen to him but he listens to natasha

ugh

i bet it is

UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Vision: I have been FALLING! for THIRTY MINUTES!

“i know someone who does”

i’m confused by the cut here, because it seems to imply that Sharon, deliberately or inadvertently, rats them out to natasha?

Birds and raccoons do not get along

steve

steve no

steve

ur timing is shit steve

Scott Lang might be the best thing in this movie

well except for Dat Bone Structure

CUT THE CHEEEEEECK

*costume change in a parking lot to the yakkety sax soundtrack*

Thinking about the coming battle i am forced to concede that Iron Man Has A Point?

“do you really want to punch your way out of this?”

Steve: I ALWAYS wanna punch my way out

god scott’s such a fukkin nerd

tiny quibble but Scott “got punched by hope van dyne” lang would never say that to the black heckin widow

“gimmick”

um

people in falcon houses shouldn’t throw spider stones, samuel

wanda

those cars belong to people

oh god iron man has a point

LET’S GO LESBIANS! COME ON LESBIANS LET’S GO

*catfight sounds*

“then why did you run?”

dude you attacked me in a catsuit

Tony’s true superpower is that he knows steve, that’s how spiderbabby gets the upper hand

althought god

Tony was pre-gaslighting peter

he was pilotlighting peter

*my longest UGH yet*

“Queens?” “Brooklyn”

MAXIMUM NEW YORK ACHIEVED

ant man is the MVP

hmmmmmm “we don’t trade lives” HMMMMMMMMM

why did that truck explode

also *omg iron man has a point*

tony tedward stark how did you not know how old this child was

also peter stop pretending you don’t know what Empire Strikes Back, AT-ATs and Hoth are.

why doesn’t Vis get more flack for this

hey. hey tony. you know what sam is? A MEDIC. maybe let him LOOK AT YER FRIEND THERE instead of SHOOTING HIM IN THE FACE.

zemo’s plan is noooooonseeeeennnnnnsssse

guh these two beautiful men emoting in different directions KILL ME

this doctor is just like “yup there’s a giant purple robot here seems legit”

natasha is the only one who’s 100% right

did... did the russos kill themselves in this movie? did they cast themselves as dead extras? was this a statement of some kind?

HOW did ross get the congressional medal of honor. H O W.

“you read it”

NO ONE READ IT, IT’S 400 PAGES

tony this is Some Nonsense

ffflslkds he’s taking one of Nat’s guns KILL ME

one (1) heterosexual explanation.

rode back in a freezer truck

got pneumonia

already had pneumonia

and you blew three whole dollars on some slut

(seriously. gimme one. i’m waiting.)

srsly tho, whether you ship it or not, these two are old marrieds

the red star looks weird on his beefcake arm. did they forget to scale it up?

KITTY

listen zemo is just really turned on by cam and he didn’t mean to say that and that’s the most relateable thing he’s done so far.

It’s not just that bucky killed his mom. it’s that bucky killed his mom AND STEVE KEPT IT FROM HIM.

life alert a senior citizen has fallen

T'Challa, observing this White Nonsense™: I truly should... check myself. Before! I wreck myself.

agism is what it is

god this bit

steve dropping the shield

look at him

he is Stick A Fork In Him D O N E

Rhodey really deserves better than this? He deserves development showing the evolution of his opinion between here and IW

i wish we could get more of him grappling with this

that said

gosh wouldn’t it fucking suck if Cap and Bucky got relegated to End Credit scenes in their own got damn movie to make room for Iron Man to emote at his buddy his pal his rhodey?

*looks directly into the camera like i’m on the office.*

Anyway.

Steve rogers: getting the last word in every argument since 1918.

“from the bottom of my heart: My Bad.”

[trans-advice]

Actor Michael D. Cohen Has Something to Share: ‘I Transitioned’

Actor Michael D. Cohen in Burbank, Calif. on April 16, 2019.

“We need more sweat!”

On that command, a production assistant takes a spray bottle filled with glycerin and scurries over to actor Michael D. Cohen, making his bald head glisten as a crew stands by at a studio in Burbank, Calif. They’re filming the fifth season of Henry Danger, a farcical superhero saga that is Nickelodeon’s longest running live-action sitcom. In it, Cohen plays a character named Schwoz, a quirky genius who aids the show’s good guys much as Q aids James Bond. In this scene, as a goof, Schwoz is leading some of the show’s younger actors through an aerobic workout. Cameras roll as Cohen, clad in spandex and now suitably sweaty, breaks into action. “Your life begins where your comfort zone ends!” he barks while huffing through the routine.

It’s just a line that Cohen is delivering in his character’s silly accent. But it also expresses an idea that the actor has come to understand intimately, one he is ready to embrace again, whatever it might mean for his future. Spurred in part by the political climate — which in recent years has seen fraught public reckonings around issues related to gender — Cohen wants to publicly disclose a private fact that he has been sharing with colleagues on the set of Henry Danger: Nearly twenty years ago, he transitioned from female to male.

“I was misgendered at birth,” Cohen says. “I identify as male, and I am proud that I have had a transgender experience — a transgender journey.”

Today, there are more actors than ever who are open about having had, as Cohen puts it, a transgender journey. This is in part because there is a proliferation of shows, including Pose and Transparent, that are portraying nuanced transgender characters. But Cohen is rare in that he worked in the entertainment industry for more than two decades before he chose to make this disclosure.

In many ways, the environment is far more welcoming than it was when Cohen first transitioned, back when issues of gender identity were largely relegated to spectacles like The Jerry Springer Show. In Hollywood, figures like Laverne Cox and Asia Kate Dillon have nabbed major roles, helping to shift mindsets among producers and audiences alike. More broadly, there is unprecedented awareness about LGBTQ issues, in courts and legislatures as well as the cultural zeitgeist. Yet that visibility has also spurred backlash from conservatives who cast transgender and gender nonconforming people as a threat to societal norms.

Cohen does not use the word transgender to describe himself, but he does view himself as part of a community that typically embraces that label, and he didn’t feel he could be an outspoken advocate until he made his history known. The actor has grown restless while watching the Trump administration roll back protections for transgender people in schools and the military, as Republicans have fought bills that would protect them from discrimination in public spaces.

“This crazy backlash and oppression of rights is happening right in front of me. I can’t stay silent,” Cohen says. “The level of — let’s be polite — misunderstanding around trans issues is so profound and so destructive. When you disempower one population, you disempower everybody.”

It’s a chilly April evening in L.A., and I’m sitting with Cohen on the otherwise empty patio of a sleek restaurant on Sunset Boulevard. One of the first things you notice about him is the same thing casting directors do: he’s short, just over five feet tall. Tonight, his big eyes are framed under a flat cap and he’s sporting salt-and-pepper stubble that will be shaved before filming starts the next day. As we talk, Cohen has a tendency to fiddle with the cuff of his blue blazer. The Canadian-born actor also has a tendency to crack jokes, displaying the comedic talents that have propelled his career. When asked about how it’s been having the name Michael Cohen lately, for instance, he says that he’s had it: “I’m thinking of changing my name to Paul Manafort.”

Today, a central struggle for openly transgender actors is combatting the expectation that they should play transgender characters. If Cohen has been hemmed in, it’s only by the perception that he’s a character actor — a type of thespian he defines as “not good looking enough to sleep with a leading woman.”

He recalls watching The Carol Burnett Show as a kid in Winnipeg, marveling at the way that television can be unifying for people laughing together on a couch “regardless of whatever else is happening in that family unit.” Though Cohen always wanted to be an actor, there was a time early in his career when he focused on behind-the-scenes work and voice acting instead. “I think I loved acting so much,” he says, “that I didn’t want to do it as a woman.” Eventually, his love of acting won out. Cohen played female roles until he transitioned in 2000, a process that, in his case, involved medical treatment as well as changes in how he presented himself socially.

Some years later, Cohen left the studios of Toronto for Hollywood and started landing roles at a greater clip. In 2014, he began appearing on Henry Danger. Today, more than 750,000 kids tune in to watch the sitcom each week. According to Nickelodeon — which, along with parent company Viacom, shares wholehearted support for Cohen and “diversity in all its forms” — it’s the number one live-action kids’ show on basic cable. Adults may have seen Cohen elsewhere, on sitcoms like Powerless, in films or commercials like a Wendy’s “Biggie Bag” spot that has been airing recently.

Actor Michael D. Cohen on the set of Henry Danger in Burbank, Calif. on April 16, 2019.

Actor Michael D. Cohen on the set of Henry Danger in Burbank, Calif. on April 16, 2019.

Ryan Pfluger for TIME

Another reason Cohen wants to publicly talk about his history now is that he is preparing to put on a new production, a play about his life that has been in the making for the past fifteen years. In the one-man show that he wrote and stars in — called “4 Cubits Make a Man,” a reference to Leonardo Da Vinci’s famous Vitruvian specimen — he chronicles how he came to grips with his identity, as well as how he navigated family, romantic relationships and widespread ideas about what makes someone a man.

“It is not random, it is not arbitrary, it is not chosen,” he says of gender identity. “It’s like trying to negotiate with gravity.”

The play, funny enough to get the audience through the raw pain of many scenes, centers on this tension. “In my experience, I was born male. What my body said about it was irrelevant,” Cohen says. “No matter how hard I tried, it was not up for negotiation. Believe me, it would have been so convenient if I was actually a woman.”

People like him are not, as some social conservatives have suggested in fiery debates about LGBTQ rights, the product of “radical ideology” spreading around the Internet or a figment of anyone’s imagination, he says. “My chromosomes do not dictate my gender. I’m a man,” Cohen says. “It’s not that hard.”

In the play, Cohen also explains why he does not describe himself as transgender.

He understands that this word is commonly used by people who identify with a gender other than the sex they were assigned at birth. Many people “feel that does reflect their identity and they’re very comfortable with that, and that’s completely valid,” he says. But, for him, the term feels off, and he does not want to make compromises about how he describes himself at this point in his life. “I have worked so hard to get to the truth and I’ve taken on labels in the past that didn’t feel true for the sake of convenience at that moment,” he says. While the word transgender may describe his past or his transition, he says, he has always felt his “core being” was male, and so that is the language he uses.

Cohen knows that may seem complicated. But that comes with the territory. He believes that animus toward people like him — however they identify — comes in part from the fact that their existence complicates simple maxims about gender. That is part of what has made transgender people a target in political battles over issues like the sports, religious freedom and civil rights. And Cohen wants to stand with them. “These are my people. I belong to this group,” he says of Americans who have been affected by policies like the Trump Administration’s guidance on Title IX, the law that prohibits sex discrimination in education.

Though Nickelodeon has been supportive, Cohen knows this is a complicated time to be making this disclosure in Hollywood, too. The entertainment industry continues to grapple with what it means to be inclusive, and while LGBTQ issues are intermingling with kids’ programming more than in the past, sensitivities remain. Cohen is hopeful about the message that his continued presence on the show — which has filmed more than 100 episodes and was recently picked up for 10 more — will send to young viewers who are attuned to issues of gender identity. Yet he is also prepared for backlash from parents.

“People don’t understand. They think this has to do with sexuality and it doesn’t. They think this has to do with pushing an agenda on kids and it doesn’t,” he says. “What it does is send a message to kids that whoever they are, however they identify, that’s celebrated and valued and okay.”

There’s something about Cohen that kids respond to, the producers of Henry Danger say. Maybe it’s his small stature. Maybe it’s his talent for physical comedy. Maybe it’s the feeling that Schwoz is a fantastical bridge between the grownup and kid worlds.

Chris Nowak, the showrunner for Henry Danger, says that colleagues respect what Cohen has told them but continue to see him as they always have: “Just a guy who’s real good at his job.” Jace Norman, a teen heartthrob who plays the show’s protagonist, Henry Hart, says in an email that the news “didn’t change anything about the high level of respect and admiration I have for the guy,” and thinks “it’s in the best interest of the entire world to have every type of person represented on TV.”

On set, Cohen’s news seems to have been processed with little hubbub. Of far more concern is the timing for delivering jokes as he flees, still in his spandex getup, from a frazzled woman who has traveled back from the future to warn everyone that humanity will be enslaved by robots. As she pursues him, Schwoz zips frantically around the show’s secret superhero lair like he’s in a Benny Hill chase scene. In between takes, he jokes that, for this particular episode, he has been drawing inspiration from Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard.

However frivolous it is, when the episode airs, it will reflect a serious reality back to the actor: that the world sees him as he sees himself, a guy who plays another guy on TV. And he hopes that sharing the fuller picture might make the idea of disclosure less uncomfortable for others. “If I tell my truth,” Cohen says, “that gives other people permission to tell theirs too.”

Write to Katy Steinmetz at katy.steinmetz@time.com.

[ao3feed-goodomens]

An Optimistic Tragedy

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/301RLq8

by ClarionGlass

Violist Aziraphale Fell and clarinettist Anthony J Crowley, from rival conservatoires at opposite ends of the country, met on one fateful National Youth Orchestra season—on a tour, in fact, where all kinds of things can happen. They're very happy with the way things are going at present—their relationship is flourishing, despite the judging looks of their feud-locked peers, and all seems right with the world. However, it only takes one small thing to bring a whole host of latent tensions in the orchestra to the surface—particularly as it's now three years after Aziraphale and Crowley first met. That's right, it's another tour season, a heady orchestral month where emotions run high, plots grow thick, and both delight and disaster are only a step away. With rumours flying that one particularly headstrong musician will challenge the conductor for rhythmic control of the orchestra, can our boys save the final concert of the tour, or will Shostakovich's 10th Symphony be more accurately described with the title of Bruckner's 8th—"Apocalyptic"?

Words: 1478, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel (Good Omens), Michael (Good Omens), Uriel (Good Omens), Sandalphon (Good Omens), Beelzebub (Good Omens), Dagon (Good Omens), Hastur (Good Omens), Ligur (Good Omens), Anathema Device, Newton Pulsifer, Adam from Eden (Good Omens), Eve (Good Omens), God (Good Omens), Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens), Adam Young (Good Omens), Pepper (Good Omens), Wensleydale (Good Omens), Brian (Good Omens), Madame Tracy (Good Omens), Sergeant Shadwell (Good Omens), Warlock Dowling, War (Good Omens), Famine (Good Omens), Pollution (Good Omens), Death (Good Omens), Mary Hodges | Sister Mary Loquacious, Basically the whole gang's here, if i've forgotten to tag a character chances are they'll turn up anyway

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Sergeant Shadwell/Madame Tracy (Good Omens), Hastur/Ligur (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Orchestra, i mean that's the main thing you have to know going into this, as canon-compliant as possible within that, and by that i mean i shoehorn the actual plot into an orchestra setting, and cram it full of references that make me and probably nobody else laugh, Established Relationship, (or at least it will be from chapter 3 onwards), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), plus some passing references to hastur/ligur, and maybe some future ineffable bureaucracy?, dunno yet but i'll update the tags if needed, honestly i'm just writing this for myself and like 5 other people, No beta we fall like Crowley, so it's a fun time ay

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/301RLq8

[facethroughthemirror]

Not The Setting For Anything Illicit, And Yet...

Characters: Donald Doyle, Sarge, Dr. Grey Relationships: Doyle/Sarge

Modern AU, implied cheating, praise kink, lewd content. It’s absolutely illicit, so be warned! This isn't nearly as good as my one other smutty piece I've posted, but whatever, I had a goal in mind. Stay tuned for the surprise.

Sarge’s first name (as well as some of his dialogue) were provided by @airrichan​ !

For day one of @rvbrarepairweek, and crossposted on ao3!

The secluded little house is mostly quiet at this time of day, the mid-morning sun up and shining in through the windows. The cat’s asleep in a windowsill someplace in the house, and the dog’s very graciously wandered off to rest somewhere in the kitchen. Close enough to do his job if he’s needed, but far enough away that he was truly on a break. There’s a documentary about the dangers of residential living in the Victorian era playing on the television, they’re currently talking about how the metal eyelet turned the corset into a more dangerous garment by allowing them to be laced tighter.

It’s certainly not the setting for anything illicit, and yet…

“I-I… a- ah ! Oh goodness… mmn…!”

There’s a small pile of clothing on the floor, discarded rather carelessly, as two bodies move against each other on the sofa. They’ve actually long since lost track of the documentary they’ve been watching, which would actually disappoint one of them if he hadn’t already seen it. Instead, he’s squirming underneath the solid weight of his current partner, right hand grasping at the cushions beneath him while his left presses against his mouth, the smooth surface of his wedding ring cool against the heated skin of his face.

“Don’t be shy now, darlin’. Ain’t nobody around to hear you.”

A much more calloused hand grips his wrist to pull his hand away from his mouth, drawing another gasp, this time followed by a whimper as his partner drops his wrist and twists fingers firmly into ginger hair, giving a less-than-gentle tug. It pulls his head back just enough to allow easier access to his neck, but his partner doesn’t quite utilize that yet. Instead, it just serves to coax hazy blue eyes up find to gray ones.

“You make such pretty sounds, Don. Be a shame to keep ‘em all to yourself.”

“Ah… y-you… ah! ” He yelps against a roll of his partner’s hips. Good lord, the man sounds just like his wife. … oh goodness gracious, is it awkward to compare someone to your wife while you’re being intimate with them during her very noticeable absence? Well, yes, it’s certainly awkward, why did he even think that was a question...

His partner, suddenly, finally seems to take advantage of the access to his neck, and bites at it before he speaks. “... I know that look. You’re thinking about something too hard. Let’s see if I can’t get you to refocus--” Another roll of those hips, and his partner grins. “--Right here.”

He howls as the other man brushes a particularly sensitive spot inside of him, and he flails, planting a hand against the red undershirt shielding his partner’s chest from open air while his free hand scrabbles uselessly against the cushions. He grabs at whatever he can get ahold of, but while his partner keeps up his pace, he’s really not getting a very tight grip on anything. But damn it if he isn’t trying.

The other man chuckles, adjusts his angle to keep his attention on that spot. “That’s better.”

“O- Oh , Aaron--!”

They continue on like that for some time, in no particular hurry, even as the documentary on the screen ends and the next one queues up to play. It’s slow, leisurely. Almost lazy, even. There’s no frenzy, nothing driving them to speed up the pace and rush toward a finish.

“Hello?”

Neither of them, it seems, had heard the door open two rooms over, nor did they hear the new arrival setting her things down and taking off her shoes and jacket. They do notice, however, when she appears in the doorway into the living room. And when the redheaded partner finally turns his head and notices his wife standing there, he does give a startled, panicked yelp. He jumps, though he can’t go anywhere with it, considering that his lover is still solidly on top of him. Her hand is pressed to her own mouth, eyes wide with surprise as she glances between the men currently defiling her sofa. Well, the slipcover on top of it, anyway. But she’s strangely silent, especially for her.

“D-Darling! Y-You’re h-home early…” He swallows, tries to weakly push his current lover off, but it does absolutely nothing, and he settles back onto his elbows in defeat. He can’t formulate a further response, or even think to start trying.

Finally, however, she drops her hand, and reveals the bright smile behind it. Her eyes find the man on top of her husband, and she cheerfully greets him. “I didn’t realize you’d be over today, Aaron!”

“Can’t say I planned it. Figured it’d be a surprise.”

“Well, it certainly is! Although…” The woman breezes over, settling herself cross-legged on the coffee table beside them. Her smile is less serene and a bit more predatory as she reaches over to bat Aaron’s hand out of her husband’s hair, and replaces it with her own, twisting ginger locks around pale fingers. “I believe I told you to behave yourself before I left, precious thing!”

“I-I… n-now, Emily, that’s… th-that isn’t--” He has no words. His mouth works mostly in silence, only a few half-formed squeaks escaping him as his face goes redder and redder. This is all happening, he registers, not only while their boyfriend is still inside of him, but while he himself still has quite a noticeable erection. This doesn’t make it worse, but it certainly does not make it any better.

However, the man above him just chuckles, addressing their newly-arrived audience. “Care to join us, little lady? Maybe let Don make up for not listenin’ to ya.”

“M-Me?! Y-Y- You --”

Emily simply laughs, and releases her grip on her husband’s hair in order to pet at it instead. “It does take two to get into this sort of trouble, dear!”

“Well, you didn’t tell me to behave.”

“... mm, he’s quite right, darling!”

“W- What ?!” He sputters uselessly for a moment more, then slumps down off his elbows almost miserably and covers his face. They’re both the worst. He loves them so, so much, but they are, objectively, the worst. “Th-This is entirely unfair. I-I’m… I-I’m being unfairly punished.”

“Aww, my poor little thing.” Emily leans over, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “We’re being so mean to you, aren’t we?”

“Mmn… y-you certainly are.” He peeks through his fingers at her, just enough to confirm that she’s seen him doing it, before he lowers his hands entirely and lets his head fall back, turning his eyes upward toward the ceiling. “J-Just a-awful.”

“My poor, pitiful thing!” She clicks her tongue sympathetically, flowing up from the coffee table into a standing position in order to start pulling her scrub top over her head. She discards it onto the floor, well away from the men’s clothes, works on the bottoms as she continues to speak. “Now, really, you know we’re expecting company this evening, and you’re absolutely defiling my slipcover!”

“Just toss it in the wash. Clean it right up. Who’s comin’ over?” Aaron inquires conversationally, leaning back slightly in order to finally discard his undershirt. “Didn’t realize you were havin’ company.”

“Oh, Vanessa and Carolina are dropping by for dinner! It’s been so long since we’ve seen them!” She finally discards her scrubs entirely, unhooks her bra one-handed and pulls it off to drop into her pile. “I’d say you’re more than welcome to join us, but, well. My poor, poor slipcover.”

“Got group tonight anyhow. Pickin’ up Grif on the way.”

“Oh, it’s just so lovely to see you two getting along, you know!” While they’re speaking, their partner shifts against the sofa cushions. He accidentally lets out a needy-sounding little whine, prompting them to look down at him, before Emily reaches to pet him again. “Are we ignoring you, treasure?”

“Y’did sorta interrupt us,” Aaron points out. “Bet he’s real eager to finish.”

“Hmm, I think you might be right~” Emily toes the larger pile of discarded clothing out of the way in order to settle on the floor beside the sofa, leaning back in to pepper kisses across her husband’s chest while reaching down to wrap a hand around the more sadly-neglected part of his anatomy. His reaction is immediate, and he sets to squirming again. She giggles brightly, peering up at him. “Aw, there we are!”

“E-Emily…!”

Above them, Aaron starts moving again, and the squirming worsens, the whines and soft cries starting back up as sensation starts to overwhelm him again. He’ll start babbling any moment at this rate, and he knows that that amuses both of them to no end. He’s subjected to their torment for what seems like hours, with Aaron keeping that rough, steady pace and Emily smiling a little brighter each time another pleading little sound escapes him. When he starts to tremble, whether from his quickly-approaching climax or from the overstimulation sure to follow, he isn’t sure, he registers the sound of Emily speaking.

“You’re such a good boy, precious thing. You’re doing so well for us, aren’t you? Such a good little thing for us.”

He can’t resist it when she does that. He knows it, she knows it, and he knows she knows it. Aaron’s not much for saying things like that, not when Emily’s there to do it. So at least he’s being spared on that front: he’s not sure he would be able to handle it if they both started in on him like that.

“Would you like to finish for us, little thing?” she coos, slowing her hand and giving him a possessive little squeeze. “You’re so pretty when you let yourself go, you know. I want to watch. Do you want to let me see?”

He nods, almost frantically,  and he hears Aaron chuckling above them, though at the moment, he pays that no mind. Emily’s laughing too, and she leans up to kiss him, as possessive as ever as her hand speeds back up. When she breaks it off, she leans in close to his ear and purrs, “Come for us, little thing.”

Her voice shoots a jolt of pleasure down his spine, sending him tumbling and flailing over the edge as his mind stutters to a halt. He doesn’t notice Aaron finding his own end above him, or Emily letting him go, or even Aaron climbing off of him to go dispose of his condom and clean up. When he comes back to his senses, Emily’s still settled beside him on the floor, patting at his stomach with a warm, damp towel, cleaning up the mess he’d made. He can’t see Aaron anymore, but he also can’t really think too critically at the moment, so he doesn’t really question it yet.

“Are you back with me, darling?” Emily chirps brightly, reaching up with her free hand to brush his hair off of his forehead for him. “You were quite out of it for a little while! Poor thing, you really needed that, didn’t you?”

He nods, tired and foggy, and she giggles, popping up to give him a soft kiss on the forehead. He feels her petting his hair gently, and leans his head into her touch. It helps to clear his head just that little bit more, and he’s able to focus on what she’s telling him. “Aaron’s taking a quick shower. And we still have plenty of time to wash our poor, abused slipcover before dinner! But after we get you taken care of and cleaned up.”

“... I-I’m… a-alright,” he manages, focusing on her and nodding. “I-I’m fine.”

“Well, let me get you some water anyway. Maybe a snack? Definitely a snack!” Two fingers pressed less-than-gently against his throat. “Your heart’s racing like a hummingbird , darling, you don’t feel faint, do you?”

“N-No…” Does he? He just feels foggy still, he’s not terribly sure.

“Good! But we’ll keep an eye on you for the moment, I think, sweetheart. Come on, let’s sit up, I’ll get you some water and… maybe a chocolate bar?”

He just nods, and sits up while she breezes off toward the kitchen, still entirely naked, he notices. He won’t argue with chocolate, and besides, Emily knows what she’s doing when it comes to aftercare: she takes it quite seriously. And he knows that she’s likely going to be checking in with Aaron until he leaves, probably for the rest of the evening. When she returns, she pulls the throw blanket down to cover him, and presses a kiss to the top of his head while she helps him start on his water and chocolate bar. He notices, for the first time since he and Aaron had started, that the documentary series has long-since ended. The television’s been turned off entirely. But he doesn’t mind: he can watch it later. For now, however, he just settles in and lets her help him recover.

[nandalorian]

OCD Marvel Costume Series: Black Widow

Ever since I did that post about Captain America’s theoretical onesie and the evolution of his costume, I’ve gotten a lot of requests to do a similar OCD breakdown analysis about Black Widow’s.

After Cap and Bucky, Widow’s easily my favourite MCU character, so I am all too happy to break it down. But just know this required me to wade through so many disgusting male comments about her costume and body that I wanted to flip my desk and set it on fire. Repeatedly. You’re welcome.

Here are the six costumes I’ll be looking at from 2010-2018.

From L to R: Iron Man 2, Avengers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, and Avengers: Infinity War.

Putting the rest under a read more because shit’s gonna get long.

Let’s begin: Iron Man 2.

This is the first time we meet Natasha in the MCU franchise, and I don’t know about you guys, but I remember there being a LOT of hype surrounding Scarlett being cast in a totally non-objectifying way. <_<

Just kidding. Here’s actual footage of every straight man watching/starring in Iron Man 2 when Nat’s on screen:

This, I think, is a good place to add a caveat that it’s difficult to address Natasha’s looks and clothing without sounding like I’m criticizing her appearance and sexuality, including her ability to weaponize those things or the fact that she is entitled to enjoy them in any way she likes. As a character, certainly she is, and to me that’s one of the really interesting aspects of her personality and an incredible skill. As a woman, those are things not worthy of criticizing, IMO. But the films present a grey area because they are all directed by men, and to a large extent for men. So it’s hard to find the line between what is meant to entice audiences and what is meant to tell us something important about who Nat is, and to what extent the latter is the original intent of the costume choices. How do you extricate the character from the male gaze when the male gaze permeates so much of comic book culture, and by extension the MCU? Let’s not forget how many gratuitous ass shots there are of Natasha in a given movie, although the Russos generally do a good job of evening the playing field by liberally sprinkling in plenty of Cap ass shots too. The Russos are like the salt baes of equal-opportunity and gender-neutral ass shots.

But back to Natasha. In Iron Man 2, she spends most of the movie in sexy wiggle dresses or low-cut blouses, presenting herself as an object of desire for all the men in the film (possibly some of the women) and a thorn in Pepper Potts’s side until they join forces against Tony. (Obviously her intention, since Natasha weaponizes everything about herself, but it was also pretty clearly for audience titillation as much as the character never does anything by accident.)

But then, surprise! It’s revealed she’s the Black Widow and capable of kicking more ass than just about anyone else in the film/on the planet, and can even do it in a skintight catsuit and crazy hair flying in her face at all times!

Natasha’s suit is probably the least functional in this movie because it’s designed to look like a sexy female comic book hero costume, not something a real agent would wear in a believable conflict situation. Or maybe they would, I don’t know. I’m not a spy. But objectively speaking, she has a totally useless belt with the Black Widow symbol around her middle, then the tactical belt, holsters, etc. The fabric looks shiny and stretchy but isn’t leather. That being said, you can’t get much more spot on in terms of the visual interpretation, if you look at how she’s drawn by J Scott Campbell. I am not positive whether IM2 Widow is an interpretation of this artist’s illustration or vice versa, but either way, she translates from film to comic and back again pretty flawlessly.

Just don’t even get me started on the hair because w h a t. Tell me you can’t hear it crackling when you look at this gif. Go on, I dare you.

No wonder ScarJo switched to wigs after this movie.

Ironically, even though this costume is pretty ridiculous in terms of offering any kind of practicality or protection from bullets/knives/explosions, I have to point out that Iron Man 2 is the only movie where Black Widow actually wears practical footwear.

Look at those things. Those are flat, FUNCTIONAL boots. You could do all the running, jumping, and punching things you wanted and not feel like your goddamn feet were going to fall off, or worse, plant you on your fucking face because you’re wearing heels into combat. RIP flat Widow boots.

Moving on. Avengers 1.

Much like the other costumes in this film, Natasha’s outfit is still pretty comic book-y, although to a less cartoonish extent than Captain America some. That is pretty much Joss Whedon’s trademark as a director, although shockingly, I felt Widow looked more serious and ready for battle. Alexandra Byrne did the costume design on Avengers and Ultron, as well as Thor and Guardians of the Galaxy (hence the trademark styles in A1 and A2, plus similarities between Natasha and Gamora’s costumes), and she has a distinct touch. Here the nods to practicality include less extravagant hair (though Natasha also has short hair plenty of times in the comics) and the fact that her suit looks like it could deflect a knife (possibly). Even her civilian clothing looks less hyperfeminine than that of Iron Man 2, and it’s here we begin to see that Nat’s outfit of choice is usually some combination of jeans, a jacket, and knee-high boots with a small heel. It always strikes me that this is probably what she’s most comfortable in when she’s not dressed as Black Widow. Even her stance here looks like that of a soldier, less of a stereotypically female pose.

I couldn’t help but feel a lot of this was intentional on Whedon’s part in order to avoid anyone accusing him of sexualizing Natasha and to look like a Real Director Who Takes Female Characters Seriously (TM). So he dresses women more realistically but then just assassinates their character in other ways, as you do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As far as her suit is concerned, don’t get me wrong: it’s still textured plastic meant to stretch and allow movement and comfort and cling to certain... assets... and they still haven’t gotten rid of her totally useless Widow belt. But at least she looks a bit more like she means business and less like she’s just there to look hot.

However, in this film they also introduced the infamous heels to her costume. 

In the immortal words of Shuri:

Like Cap’s ab window, this is one of those design choices I begrudgingly understand from a movie perspective--it looks ~sexier and ~more feminine and also reduces the height difference between ScarJo and her male costars (plus other female characters like Agent Hill wear heels too, and so does Wonder Woman in the DC franchise. They appear in the Black Widow comics too), but the reality of someone willingly wearing heels in this type of environment makes me want to facepalm real bad. Sure, you can argue fighting in heels is just one of Nat’s special abilities that makes her better than the rest of us, but--that’s probably not why.

And they don’t go away, even when the movie and writing quality drastically improves. Anyone who read my post on Cap’s suits will probably be able to guess that The Winter Soldier is my #1 Marvel film and had some of my favourite costumes in the MCU, and Nat is no exception there. 

The way the Russos interpret her, through their writing and their vision for the overall look of the film and the way the costumes are designed (Judianna Makovsky did all the costumes for Winter Soldier, Civil War, and Infinity War, which makes total sense in ways I’ll explain in a moment), also reminds me a bit of Phil Noto and Nathan Edmonson’s Black Widow. Plenty of people might be inclined to disagree with me there, I’m sure, but Noto and Edmonson’s series, tonally and visually, is very similar to TWS in the sense that they feel like political thrillers, and the character styling in the film continues that theme. The story and the way the characters are written and styled crosses genres and blurs the line between comic book, thriller, and real life.  

In TWS, Nat looks like a fucking badass, but also somehow more relatable and human despite her perfect hair and flawless skin. TWS was the film where she, for me (along with the rest of the cast, especially Steve), went from being a character to being a person with all the shades of greys, uncertainties, and ambiguities that entails. That’s where the Russos excel, making fictional characters come alive with nuance and layers. Kind of like how you know if they had done a Hawkeye movie, they’d have probably adapted Hawkeye #19. 

Their unique way of finding the humanity in comic book characters and situating them in the real world translates interestingly through the costumes. Even her hair is the most natural-looking shade of copper red than any of the other films, where it tends to looks more dyed. Trust me, as someone who spent 9 years trying to achieve the perfect and most natural shade of copper red possible, I know how difficult it is to get right, even if this is obviously a wig.

If you look reeeeal close at the above pic, you can tell she’s graduated from stretchy plastic to something that resembles kevlar or some kind of protective utility material. You can just make out the lines and texture in the fabric. Still stretches and lets her move, obviously still skintight, but upgrades her to a higher degree of real-world believability in the same way the stealth suit did for Cap. 

I find the back of her suit interesting too. There’s a panel sewn over her butt that looks identical to the full-seat equestrian breeches I wear riding, which are meant to offer reinforcement and grip. I’m not entirely sure why Nat needs either of those things in combat, but there you have it. (In all seriousness, it could be because the fabric they used is less stretchy or doesn’t hold its shape the same way, so they had to piece it together differently to allow for movement and shape retention through all the stunts.)

Actually, scratch that. Why wouldn’t you need reinforcement and grip when doing this?

Weird butt panel notwithstanding, Nat’s TWS suit also introduces more protective details like leather and sewn-in kneepads, and her Widow belt actually serves to cinch in the costume instead of just sit there pointlessly, leaving her with just the tac belt. Still the dumb heels too, but I promise I’ll get over it. Maybe.

Next: Age of Ultron. People are going to side-eye the shit out of me for saying this, but... Widow’s costume continues to be less ridiculous than, say, Cap’s. Cartoonish, yes, with a lot of frankly baffling design choices, and visually I liked it the least. But weirdly enough, the construction of the suit and the fabric is less ridiculous than it seems at first glance; it looks like it’d actually offer a pretty high degree of protection in the field. Check it out.

There’s a matte leather and a similar kevlar/utility fabric as her suit in TWS, and the Widow belt and the tac belt have been combined into one so there are fewer pointless buckles. 

I mean, too bad they ruin it by adding glowing blue parts that make her look like she’s about to go cosplay as Tron as soon as she finishes saving the world, and I will never understand why her gauntlets are suddenly red, but a detail that caught my eye is right on the bodice. See those seams under her bust? 

It looks like it could be there just to draw attention to her boobs, but as a former fencer, I can tell you those are almost certainly for a chest plate or removable protective cups. (From a movie costuming perspective, they’re probably to give the bust more definition, as that’s literally an underwire construction. Yes, okay, I realize this. But if we consider the character, a chest plate makes far more sense.) And if you are a woman in a combat situation where you’re getting whacked in the tits a bunch of times, you need a fucking chest plate. She doesn’t appear to be wearing one in the other films, which is as absurd as Cap going into battle without wearing a cup. Have you ever been clocked in the tits before? With a weapon, no less? Because I have, and it’s not fun. It happens to you once, and you’re on Amazon buying a chest plate or protective cups literally the next day. Or, you know, from the toilet immediately after as you sit there crying and cradling your poor bruised boobs.

Another really practical detail is that she has proper kneepads in this costume, which is ideal if you’re sliding around on the ground a lot, or taking hard landings.

BUT WHY DO THEY GLOW IN THE DARK? /despair

Oddly enough, Nat’s suit in Captain America: Civil War was one of my least favourites--initially. But I was wrong to feel that way, and I’ll tell you why. Why didn’t I like it at first? Well, they pick up some of the same details as in TWS and add other more practical things like no-nonsense kneepads, but they also seem to add boning to the bodice of the suit, and lots of piping everywhere on the arms and torso that would probably rub unpleasantly if you were moving around that much. Unnecessary seams=friction. That’s a lesson any equestrian will tell you too.

I also was not a fan of the Farah Fawcett vibe I got from her hair, but that could just be me. Her suit here is functional, overall, but it doesn’t reinvent the wheel or make her look sleek and dangerous in the same way as TWS. It has less... style than her other suits and civilian outfits (which were my fave in this film), and after this many movies, I think we’ve come to associate the Black Widow suit with style and making certain death at her hands/thighs look good. 

But there is a point to her suit looking more tactical, which you can better see here. From this angle, she looks almost military, certainly the most military of any of the other films, and that is intentional and significant later on.

Because much like Cap’s uniform carries over to Infinity War, so does Nat’s. That was a clever segue, in case you were wondering.

This is such a departure from anything else Nat wears in the other films that you kind of have to tip your hat at the designer and the Russos and Judianna Makovsky for having such a sharp eye for detail and a knack for letting costume tell a story. Not only does Natasha change her hair and eyebrow colour, but she changes the colour of her suit too, adding in some green and almost entirely eliminating the sex appeal of the other Widow costumes. But the continuity is most impressive of all.

It’s hard to tell, but just like Steve is wearing the same uniform as in Civil War, minus the star he clawed off with his bare hands, Nat is wearing the exact same Widow costume with a tactical vest on top and some new body armour (shoulder and elbow pads). Remember that piping on the arms, legs, and bodice I bitched about a second ago? If you look closely, it’s all clearly visible in the same spots, and it’s obvious the vest just goes over top. Her kneepads and boots are the exact same too. This girl did a complete 180 on her look with nothing more than a tac vest and an emergency appointment with Guy Tang for some blonde balayage. 

It’s amazing that Steve and Sam think going incognito involves DIY distressing on their uniforms and growing some playoff beards, but Natasha can become an entirely different person just by changing a few key details. Especially the eyebrows. I once wrote a line in a fic about how her lighter eyebrows in Infinity War totally change the shape of her face. I think that’s a detail everyone noticed in the trailers, how strange she looked with those ultrablonde brows. But that’s perfect for this character and something Nat would intuitively pick up on, because it leaves her almost unrecognizable. Just like makeup can subtly change someone’s face shape, so can eyebrows, but she ditches makeup in Infinity War to the same effect. It’s the makeover equivalent of “walk, don’t run.” Kind of amazing to think she is so many steps ahead of everyone else that she can go down Dick’s Sporting Goods and CVS for nothing more than a tac vest and a box of hair dye, respectively, and literally emerge looking like a different person. When she says she’s figuring out a new cover, this is the stuff she means.

So there you have it. I hope this costume breakdown as as fun for you to read as it was to put together, and I continue to be impressed and occasionally stumped by the design choices made by the MCU costuming departments. They really do know their stuff and how important clothing is to the understanding of a character, and Nat, who is a master of tailoring her look for maximum effect, proves this rule more than almost anyone else.

Thanks for reading! I might tackle Bucky next, so stay tuned.

[friendlyneighbourhoodreviewer]

Fringe (Season 1) :

Oh my God, what a season. I mean that in a good AND bad way.

Honestly, this season did so much for me. Fringe Science pushes at the boundaries of what we think is real, and Fringe as a series definitely did that. I can't vouch for the actual science in the series, but every impossible premise the series set up, it did manage to solve.

At the same time, I'm really fucking disappointed at how loose the script was and how many plot holes I was able to find. Perhaps it's not right to call them plot holes. Some of them did make me wonder how the characters got from A to B (which, in my mind, is one of the definitions of a plot hole) but the rest were just... loose.

Let me explain. A lot of things happen where there could be many explanations for the things that are happening, only the characters manage to land on the exact thing that made them happen. My least favourite is this scene where Peter Bishop (Joshua Jackson) unearths a suspect who he suspects because her last name is synonymous with her actual last name [which is a Middle English word that NO ONE would think to look up (seriously, who does that much work?)]. There is no information available about this person except for her name and a PO Box, and yet, the agents manage to find the kidnapped kid and the lair where he was being held, all on the basis of this random guess that Peter Bishop made because he has used false names himself and "knows how they work."

Speaking of Peter Bishop, nowhere did he behave like he had a 190 IQ. I'm serious. We were told that he had an IQ of 190 in the first episode and that he would easily figure out what this secret government task force was doing with said IQ, but his primary mission in the series seems to be making sarcastic comments about his father's work and mental illness. His father's IQ, by the way, is only supposed to be six points higher than his own.

Coming to Walter Scott, John Noble does such a good job with the character he is given. A veteran actor like Noble, however, cannot do much if the character itself is lacking in depth. All Walter Bishop seems to be doing in this season is cementing his position as a completely unpredictable loon who can demand unreasonable things like coffee cake while there is a body on the table whose orifices are growing closed on their own. Yes, we know geniuses are often whimsical, especially when they've spent 17 years in mental asylums through no fault of theirs, but you don't need to drive in the message so hard. Walter Bishop is eccentric. We get it. You don't need to prove it every episode.

We know J. J. Abrams is known for creating some amazing films and series. We also know that Lost had some realism issues. How did her armpits stay shaved weeks past the plane crash? Why weren't anyone's clothes falling apart from the sea water? Why didn't anyone grow a believable beard? We don't ask these questions.

I admit I digressed. This review isn't about Lost. Unfortunately, Fringe suffers from the same issues. To make your completely unbelievable universe believable, you have to pepper it with details that your audience recognises. They need something to latch on to so that they don't feel adrift. Read J.R.R. Tolkien's On Fairy Stories if you require an explanation.

There's a sense about Fringe that the main characters don't actually know what they're doing. That may well be true. The performances of the actors do credit to the roles they were handed, perhaps even exceed them. Fringe has a good premise, a good suspenseful storyline, whodunits in almost every episode. If that's enough for you, you might enjoy this series, a lot. If not, well, you could always wait for season 2 to get better, as I am.

Let's hope our hopes are worth something.

sincerely urs,

sj