#and by krill I mean take my ass to bed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

secretstories · 5 years ago

Text

Temporal Anomaly

This story is NOT canonical, but it was fun and I wanted to write it. Using a time travel trope for this one. Hope you enjoy :)

“Approaching temporal anomaly.”

“Admiral, maybe it's best if we get someone more… scientific to do this?”

Amidral Vir slowly engaged the jetpack in spurts costing through the blackness of space seriously glad he didn’t get vertigo as stars plunged into infinity on all sides leaving him floating in a vacuum of nothingness.

He knew people who had been driven mad by this experience, they used to call it cosmic hysteria before someone actually put a real name to it. He engaged his com, “That would be a good idea if any of you nerds knew how to use a jetpack. Just tell me what I’m looking for.

There was a pause over the end of the line for a moment before a voice came over the line slightly nasal making him think of pocket protectors and those little rubber things you put on the end of your finger to help turn pages, “Ok Admiral, when you get the the anomaly, I want you to hold up the device and press these buttons in sequence.”

He rolled his eyes. Ah yes someone more scientific to press a few buttons.

He floated a bit more forward stopping just short of something very…. Strange. From where he was it looked like he was staring into a fractured pane of glass where the individual pieces only remained together because there was no force acting on them. He could see the light on the front of his space suit being reflected back at him, and behind that his own silhouette.

“Are you guys sure this things is an anomaly…. Looks like someone just chucked out their broken mirror.”

“That’s what our scans are saying, Admiral.”

“Alright so I just” He paused, and sighed, “Which buttons was I supposed to press again.”

There was chuckling from the other end of the line as he walked through the instructions. He did as ordered only half listening to the chatter of the nerds on the other end of the line. Instead he got a closer look at the…. Whatever it was. The lite from his suit was too bright and scattered off the glass so much he couldn’t see his reflection, but, rather continued to blind himself.

“Some kind of warp tunnel?”

“No, warp tunnels are more volatile and tend to draw things into them. This would have already pulled the Admiral in if-”

He tried to tune them out and tilted his head this way and that

He shouldn't have let his mind wander. As krill had once said his rain was like a small child, and if left unsupervised it was prone to doing things it shouldn’t. He reached up a hand fingers parallel to the glass.

He slowly moved his hand forward his brain imagining the cool, slick surface of glass beneath his fingertips.

He felt as his glove impacted something.

“ADMIRAL N-”

And he was sucked violently forward, so violently it felt as if his body was going to rattle apart. He was spun this way and that pulled apart in all directions and then snapped back together like a rubber band. His feet flew over his head, he worked desperately to fight against the the blackness at the edge of his vision as he plunged downard into what must have been an infinite well of gravity, and then with a jolt, it stopped.

His head spun and his body hurt.

His hands and arms floated out to either side of his fingers trialing in the air beside him. His feet were kicked up before him and his head spun circles, far worse than they had during flight training.

And then he was

Gone.

Fading away with the stars overhead, and a bright light passing over his body.

***

“The suit is certainly huma, though I can’t say I have seen this model in a while.”

“And it has a jetpack! Hell yeah! Our mystery visitor has class.”

“Now, the real question remains. Who could it be? We are the only ship in this sector.

“Don’t tell me we are going to open it up and see a gooey corpse…. Eww.”

“No, the suit is broadcasting vitals. WHoever is inside is just fine.

Adam struggled to open his eyes but when he did he was blinded and the world spun around him. He tried to lift his hands against the light, but his suit felt like led weight was boring down on him.

“He’s waking up” Someone announced

He groaned.

“Get the helmet off him or… her I suppose.”

There was a sharp hiss and the world around him was flooded with light. He grimaced and turned his head to the side.

There was a gasp from around the room.

“Well glaze my ass and call me a doughnut.”

“This is it, I have OFFICIALLY seen everything.”

“Holy shit!”

He grimaced past the light and managed to hold up a hand before his eyes. He blinked a few more times.

Someone stepped in blocking the light assailing his eyes, and finally he was able to drop his hand, and nearly leaped back in his skin. A man stood over him grinning from ear to ear, tall, broad shouldered snow white hair and…. An eyepatch.

“Well you are once handsome devil if I do say so myself.”

He sat up scrambling back a little.

The man grabbed his arms, “Whoa there champ, hold on before you crawl out of that suit.”

“Who the fuck are you!”

“Come on, son, ever looked in a mirror.”

His mouth opened and then closed and then opened again. He turned his head wincing at the light nearly crawling off the bed when his eyes fell on another shape. Small, brown grey, with large prismatic orange eyes.

“Fascinating.” Krill said. There was a loud snap as he pulled on a latex glove, “I guess probing is in order

He leaped to his feet pointing, “Hell no you little gremlin, keep away from me.”

“Wow, I remember you having a much better sense of humor.”

“Oh you boys stop harassing him, look he’s scared.” He turned his head towards the new voice falling upon wide bespectacled eyes, and long dark hair pulled back from her face in a tight bun. The lines around her eyes had deepened and her skin wasn’t so tight but, he would know that face anywhere.

“Katie.” He said in confusion.

She smiled at him, “That’s right, now get down from there, we promise we won't hurt you.” She glowered at Krill, “And we CERTAINLY won’t PROBE him either.”

Krill huffed, “killjoy.”

Slowly Adam crawled down from where he stood on the bed stealing glances at the white haired man off to his right, who was grinning at him. As soon as he was down the other guy moved forward taking him by the shoulder and turning him this way and that, “Wow its like looking in a mirror, only, you know some twenty years younger.”

The other man tilted his head back, “Forgot how handsome I am.”

Adam pulled his face away, “W-what is going on.”

The other man grinned, “ well why don't’ you tell us your side of the story, and we will try to fill in the holes.”

He rubbed the back of his head, “Well I was…. I was investigating a temporal anomaly and I.”

“You touched it, you touched it didn't you.” The older man interrupted.

He felt himself go red, “I…. no..”

“He he, looks so cute when I lie.”

“How do you know he’s lying.”

“How can’t you know. Look, his ears are all red.”

Adam reached up to cover his ears, “who are you.”

The older man rolled his eyes, “man I am dumb sometimes.” he held up his hands, there is only one explanation for this my young friend. He reached up wiggling his fingers through the air, “Time travel”

“Time travel?

He nodded, “Time travel. You see you are me and I am you just, you know older…. How old are you right now?”

“Twenty uh…. Twenty six?”

“Don’t look at me. I am Forty six and fabulous.”

Adam frowned, “But your hair.”

The older Adam frowned at him, “I go grey early, can you blame me. Look, I think you have some white hairs yourself. But you won’t find a man my age with a body like mine this side of Andromeda.”

“Sure you do.”

“Haven’t heard Sunny complain.”

Adam opened his mouth closed it and then, felt his face flush red again, “You….” He trailed off cutting the question short.

“Oh look at him, he's going red.”

Older Adam waved a hand, “Well that isn’t hard to do. Watch this.” he turned to look adam in the eye, “Sex.”

He felt his face flush even worse, and he turned away.

“Adam!” Katie scolded, “Stop tormenting him.”

Older Adam grinned, “But it’s so fun, I can finally understand why my brothers did.”

“I still think we should study him, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.” Krill was sayin. He didn’t sound like he had aged a day.

“Don’t you think that would be a little much, Krill. This is a lot to take in.”

Older Adam through an arm around his shoulders, turning his head to look at him, “Yeah we don’t want to do ‘science’ he wants to look at the ship.”

He took a deep breath, “I… I….”

“That would be a yes, don't worry he’s just getting his brain to boot up. Takes a minute when he’s nervous. Now get out of that smelly suit and let's take the grand tour.”

What other choice did he have, and he was given the privacy to pull off his suit and undersuit, at least that is until someone threw open the curtain and barged in. he nearly squealed and fell over, grabbing something to hold in front of him.

Older Adam just laughed, “nothing I haven’t seen, son…. Ha ha, son, thats funny.”

He did not lower the pillow he was holding in front of his private business, “Do you have any sense of personal boundaries.”

“Nope, those fled with age.” he doessed him a bundle and Adam ended up dropping the pillow on reflex just to catch the clothing sailing towards him.” His older self nodded in approval, and Adam felt himself go bright red again, “Those should fit, i mean we are the same size, haven't started shrinking yet.”

Adam awkwardly pulled on the proffered clothes finding it strange when he identified his own smell.

With one waved hand he was led from behind the curtain, and out to where the others were waiting. They stared at him, and he looked down at his feet.

“Come on, I’m excited for you to see this. Plus I have some serious advice for you.” older Adam grabbed him by the arm and walked him into the hall.

He looked around in awe almost immediately as a large spindly creature trudged past down the hall.

“What was that?”

“Just some new friends we have made in the last twenty or so years.” They walked up the hall and took the stairs down. The ship was darker than it used to be, much more lived in, but it was familiar.

“Here this way to the rec room.”

They turned a corner and the floor opened up into a familiar space, though it had more TV’s and even a vintage arcade game now. He nodded in approval, “Hey everyone, c’mere.”

The entire room looked up, and he sudden felt himself the center of more than a dozen eyes.

“Holy shit, is that?”

“yeah , yeah it is.”

Another man moved out of the crowd, and Adam felt his eyes widen, “Ramirez!” he looked up at the other man shaking hismelf, “You aged…. Really well, holy shit.” Ramirez grin, straight white smile lighting up his face, “That’s a compliment coming from you.

Adam snorted, “In your wildest dreams Ramirez.”

“ I’ve had wilder.”

He held out a hand, “Uncanny.” Adam took and looking down saw something glittering on his hand, “You’re married!”

Ramirez laughed and held up his hand, the wedding band glittering bright on his finger, “yep going on about ten years now.”

“Who? Tell me.”

Ramirez shook his head, “No, I don’t think I will.”

Other faces popped at him from out of the crowd, “Mav/” He asked wide eyed. The woman moved forward grinning wickedly. He hair was short on the sides and long on the top braided back into a viking-esque haircut, “Oh look it’s baby Adam’ how cute.”

Old Adam patted him on the back, “doesn’t it just remind you of the old days.”

“When you were still a raging idiot…. Oh wait, I was thinking of right ow.”

It was at the same time that the two of them frowned and responded with near identical “Hey.”s

The entire room laughed at that.

Ramirez looked at older Adam very seriously, “You know what I would do if I were you.”

Older Adam sighed, “Do I want to hear this?”

“If i was you.” Ramirez continued, “I would kiss myself/”

Adam blanched and old Adam roared with laughter, “Kiss yourself, Ramirez isn't that like…. Incest somehow.”

“Selfcest and I don’t think it counts, but seriously, thinking about it. You could know exactly how good you are at kissing and be able to work out any bugs.”

Adam backed away as older Adam looked at him contemplatively.. Adam backed into a wall, and older Adam just laughed slapping him on the back, “Oh stop looking so worried, I wouldn’t do that to you unless you wanted a go, but you aren't as fun as Ramirez.”

“But I am you.”

“I know, I remember what I was like.”

“What you ‘were’ like?”

He shrugged, “Yeah you loosen up as you get older, don’t worry kid. You can thank Sunny for that.”

He put a hand on his shoulder and led him out into the hallway.

“Sunny! Is she here?”

Older Adam beame, ‘I know that look. Lets see your 26 right, so you two are dating/”

He nodded a bit nervously.

“Yeah shes here, we’ll go see her next. She will want to see you for sure.”

Together they stepped down the hall and Adam nearly keeped ovr as a sudden shape appeared before them white and billowing in the hallway.

“And then there were two.” Conn Said, his dark eyes glittering rather maliciously.i the darkness.

“Convict.” Old Adam said.

He turned his dark eyes to look at Adam, “Same dumb different age.”

“Charming Conn.”

“You didn’t change much.” Adam muttered as the two of them pushed past Conn down the hall.

“Don’t let him fool you. He has gotten better as time has gone on. A real asset to this ship. Saved me from an assassin a few times.”

“Assassins!”

Old Adam shrugged, “Yeah Assassins, “People don’t like what I…. what you and I represent.”

“What do we represent?”

“The union between humanity and alien life of course, or the GA in general. We are the face of the galaxy my friend.”

Adam frowned, “When does that happen.”

“It already has you are just a bit dense, but soon enough you will see. Right now you are a household name for humans, and it only takes a few more years for your name to become intergalactic.”

He felt himself go a little weak as white- hair Adam smiled at him, “yeah, the Stress will turn you white early, but it's a good life, and so far I don’t regret anything I have done….. Tough there is one thing….”

He paused, and Adam leaned forward little to hear him feeling that this was important.

However, they were silenced rather quickly by a sudden massive shape scuttling towards them from across the ceiling, and then dropping onto the floor. Henearly leaped out of his kin.

But then the thing came into view, a massive adaptid, with blond fur on its face, “POS garbage system gonna need fixing.” The voice was strange, echoing unnaturally like it was coming from a static radio.

The adapted stopped and sniffed the air, its eyes fixing in on him with a hungry expression, one that turned to confused a moment later, its bright green eyes widening with confusion, “Father.”

“Glados!”

She turned her head to look at white hair Adam, “What is this, some kind of joke.”

He shook his head, “No glados. I younger me has come to visit from the past.” She sniffed at him.

“Holy shit.” he muttered, “Wh-what are yo undoing here.”

“What does it look like I’m doing! She snapped, trying to fix this POS ship is what I am trying to do, but the coil drivers are going bad and Narobi’s people forgot to order morem, so now I have to finagle the things back together. Do you know how hard it is to fit down those dark cramped hallways, and then every now and again some asshole runs into me and screams, practically defines me every time.” She snarled, showing great white glittering K-9 teeth.

Older Adam patted her on the shoulder, “Deep breaths Glados, everything will work out, I promise.

With a deep sigh, Glados did as told, taking two great heaving breaths before calming down.

“Better?”

She nodded her huge head, eyes softening a bit, “Anyway. I have to go fix this. It was interesting to see you again, father.” and then she turned around and scuttled into the darkness. As she departed Adam was surprised to find a shape clinging to her belly …. An adapted male.”

“She…. shes…. uh married? Dating?”

“Yes, though she's been looking for a third.” He chuckled, “She’s been trying to convince Conn, believe it or not.”

Adam snorted and nearly fell over, “What!”

“Imagine a bunch of baby adaptids who could survive in the vacuum of space. It would be one of the greatest evolutions their species has ever seen.”

He rubbed his head almost dizzy, “And is he considering it?”

Old Adam shrugged, “I don’t know. I think if we told him no directly to his face he might actually consider it, but I want to see if Glados can convince him first. I’d rather he agree on his own than out of spite.”

Adam held his head behind his back and shook his head, “This is all, this is insane.”

Old Adam snorted, “Not so much kid. This is your life.”

They were lead down through the next few hallways in near silence, “So what were you going to tell me earlier?”

Old Adam tilted his head, “What was…. Oh yeah! I remember now” he turned to look at him with a very serious expression stopping in the hallway and then laying a hand on his shoulder, “The one thing I regret.”

He waited on tenterhooks.

“Go on.”

“I regret not advancing my relationship with Sunny sooner. You love her, kid. You love her so much you don’t know what to do with yourself, but for some reason you are so worried and embarrassed about it that you can’t do it. I gey your nervous and awkward, but she doesnt care, and no one else that matters will care.”

He felt his face flush and his hands go warm, “I…. I don’t know about that I, I’m not.”

‘Not ready? Well lets be honest, you will never be ready,and the longer you wait to feel ready is the longer that beautiful warrior is going to go thinking that maybe….. Just maybe you are going to turn away and pick someone else. The longer you wait is the longer she is going to wonder if she is good enough, the longer she is going to think you are going to leave her for some human.”

He stood on the floor stunned, “She thinks that? But she’s never…”

“Never said anything. Of course she’s never said anything. She doesn’t want to drive you away, and she loves you enough that she wants you to be happy even if that means her being miserable” he grabbed Adam by the shoulders and nearly shook his brain out of his head, “You found her, I promise you found her ok, no need to look anymore, no need to worry. She isn’t going to leave you, no matter what you do, and possibly despite everything you do.”

His heart was hammering in his chest as the other man lead him up the hallway hand gripping around his wrist.

“So….so you two…. I’m … I mean you and Sunny are.”

Older Adam turned to look at him over his shoulder, “I challenged her to trial by unarmed combat seven years ago, and every day I regret that I hadn’t done it sooner.”

Adam sputtered, “Trial by unarmed combat but that!.”

Old Adam frowned at him, “I know what it is. I am leader of a drev clan too.”

hIs head was spinning, his heart was hammering and he felt ready to fall over as they turned the next corner and down into a little workshop that he recognized well. It was more cluttered than it had been before,and the walls were practically plastered with schematics and blueprints, but the smell of metal and adhesive were strong.

Old Adam left young Adam at the back of the room and walked forward to where a lone figure was sitting on a bench busy tinkering with a few pieces of equipment.

“Hey, hot stuff.” He said, leaning in to kiss her cheek, making Adam’s face flare red as he looked away.

The head lifted, bright light running over blue carapace, “Mmmmm hey snow white.”

“Never gonna let me live that down, huh.”

“Nope.”

“There is someone here I want you to see.’ He said, and the way he reached out, touching her arm tenderly made his entire body erupt into tiny fizzing bubbles. He swallowed hard and looked up at the ceiling.

Sunny looked over her shoulder and her eyes widened, freezing in place as she stared at him. He raised an awkward hand to wave, “Er…. hi.”

“No way…. Is this serious.”

Old Adam grinned, “yeah.”

Sunny shook her head in awe before the expression adjusted into a frown, “Great, now I have two children to take care of.” She looked pointedly at old Adam who just grinned.

She turned and looked Adam back over one more time, “I forgot how hot you used to be.’

His grin fell and he glowered at her, “Used to be!”

She grinned at him and shrugged, “What your old, and decrepit now.”

“I’m not even fifty!”

She stood and walked over looking down at him. Was it just him, or did she seem a little taller?

She brushed a hand through his hair, “You are adorable. What would you say to a fight.”

Old adam frowned again, “Hold on, why do you want to fight him”

She looked over her shoulder, “I don’t know he's younger…. More…. spry .”

“Spry!”

She grinned, “And probably a little more flexible too.”

“Now hold on, I don’t recall you complaining before.”

“Hard to complain when you are trying your best, but you know things get old…. Not so much stamina anymore.” She grinned again

Adam wanted to sink through the floor, and felt that he might if he got any warmer. As if he might sink through the floor and melt into a puddle.

“I’ll give you stamina, woman.”

Adam resisted the urge to cover his ears.

Sunny turned her head back to him looking almost hungry, “You always had a nice body.”

“You keep talking about this in the past tense, and I don’t appreciate it.” Old adam lifted his shirt and patted his abs, “See all six still there.”

Sunny raised an eyebrow, “Bet he's a little more….” She tilted her head to the side, “Firm.”

Older Adam looked scandalized by the comment and Adam himself just wanted to die, “Can we NOT talk about that please.”

Sunny sighed, “Still haven't gotten over that have you. She patted his shoulder. Took me FOREVER to convince you and lord was it difficult, but I swear if you just do it, than you won’t have a problem anymore.I swear it vanished overnight.”

“Please stop.”

She sighed, “Alright fine, but you better give younger me a chance sooner before this idiot did, I swear he regrets it with every fiber of his being.”

“I get it! I Get it! I am hearing what you are saying and now we can go ahead and stop right now.”

The two of them just laughed at his expense, and Sunny put an Arm around him, gently brushing a stray hair from his cheek, “I’m sorry, I know that makes you uncomfortable, we’ll stop.” He relaxed a little and a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth.

Older Adam smiled a little, “Sorry, kid, guess I was having a little too much fun at my own expense.” He winked, though with the eyepatch it looked just like a blink.

Did he really do that that often?

“So…. aside form the other stuff, is there anything I should know? Any advice.”

Older Adam frowned and tapped his fingers, “IF you ever meet a cute little alien that looks like an eyeball with fuzzy hair, don’t touch it whatever you do.” he Shivered and grimaced.

“Um, turns out I am very very allergic to honey so any sort of scent or flavoring that involves it is not going to go well for me.” Sunny added, “So keep me away from it.”

He nodded.

“Also do not attempt any sort of inverted backspin with your jetpack. I was in traction for a month.”

Adam frowned, guess that sort of ruined his weekend plans .

Old Adam rubbed his chin, “Ad face it kid, you're going to get old, but that doesn't mean you should act old. I tried it once and it was miserable.” He prodded Adam in the chest, “Expect your left knee to give you shit and the fucking heartburn is killer, but keep up your workout routine for your own happiness.”

Sunny paused and then went very quiet, “IF I insist on seeing my mother…. Let me go, but don’t let me do it again. NEVER let me go back again.”

WOrried he nodded again unsure of what to do.

There was another pause, “Also, my brother Kanan, give him some poetry books next christmas.”

Adam snorted in surprise, but from the look on her face he went quiet, “Yeah, I think I can remember all that.”

Older Adam put a hand on his shoulder, “looks like they found the temporal anomaly, and it’s time to send you home kid.”

Older Adam accompanied him into the docking ebay wearing a space suit. It was very strange to hear himself give orders, but partially exhilarating at the same time. He…. he didn’t hate how he sounded when he was giving orders. A group of others came t osee him off and he got to see other members of the crew.

Nairobi, with a colorful scarf tied up on her head, Jackie standing Next to Simon, who looked just as stiff as ever, but managed a smile at him. There was Katie and Krill, who wandered forward and leaned up. He leaned down to listen to his friend expecting another sarcastic comment, but instead, “Relax Admiral, relax and maybe you won’t go grey so early.”

Adam smiled a little and stepped back glancing over at his older counterpart, “All told…. It looks kind of good on me.”

Krill shrugged, “Stress doesn’t, now get back to your people before they freak out.”

“You mean before YOU freak out?”

“Oh I am already freaking out I assure you. That is a fact of life.”

Adam smiled and stepped back as Sunny walked over. She put her hands on his shoulders and then leaned down gently resting her forehead against his before pulling away, “Be safe and try not to do anything overtly stupid, which i KNOW is a tall order.”

He grinned and pulled on his helmet. “No promises.”

She then turned her attention to older Adam, turning her head so he could kiss her on the cheek, reaching down to squeeze his hand, “Same goes for you, you hear me.”

He grinned, “Here you are to ruin all my fun.” She took the helmet from his hands gently placing it on for him with a tight snap before checking the seal and when smacking him about the head.

“Hey!”

“Yep, it works.” She announced laughing as she backed away, and the two of them turned.

They stood in the airock as it was depressurized, and their feet lifted off the ground as the door opened. Together they engaged their jetpacks and slowly coasted forward.

The universe unfurled around them.

It hit him now just as fresh as it had the first time, and he turned his head to look at the older Adam, who was already looking at him, and he was under the impression that his older self still felt the same way, which made him feel right.

At least that was something he’d never lose.

The temporal anomaly appeared before them as they reversed thrusters and came to a slow stop.

Older Adam turned to him, grabbing him by the front of the space suit as they looked, “You gotta promise to do one more thing for me kid, just one more.”

“Yeah, what”

“Waffles…. You, you tell her she’s a good girl, tell her she’s a good girl from me.” The man’s voice was partially choked up, “Can you do that?”

Adam nodded, “I’ll tell her.”

“Good,” And then he was shoved back into the temporal rift and vanished.

22 notes · View notes

seafoamsweetheart-blog · 7 years ago

Text

[ Her Merciful Ascendance [HMA] began trolling His Imperial Arbitration [HIA] ]

HMA: S)(ello fincess. 3B) HMA: Did you miss me?

HIA: 'ey its the princess HIA: what's up? HIA: may6e? wh9's askin'

HMA: It's a fincess eelrig)(t. HMA: Noffin muc)(. Just enjoying a day wit)( my clade. HMA: I saw your tidal and t)(oug)(t 'T)(is bass)(ole )(asn't )(eard from me in a w)(ale.' HMA: Moby I s)(oald grace )(im wit)( my cute quirk.

HIA: well c9nsid'a me graced (;B HIA: sh9cker a cut fin like y9u w9uld 6e talkin ta me again s9 s99n HIA: what's the 9ccassi9n sweetheart wantin' a r9und 2?

HMA: )(e)(e. It seams you can't reefsist me, can you? HMA: Muc)( to your displeasure no, I'm afraid I can't take you up on your 'generous' offer. HMA: I acs)(oally wanted to sea )(ow you were doing. 38P HMA: Or is t)(at conc)(sidered taboo for you wit)( your fuckbuoy lifestyle. 38P

HIA: HEY HEY AIN'T N969DY HEA LIVIN N9 FUCK6U9Y LIFESTYLE HIA: It's called 6ein' an emper9r that can d9 what he want HIA: anyways this m9nth I get extra cra66y a shame ya can't c9me 9ver HIA: Y9u wantin' t9 kn9w h9w I 6e is less 6elieva6le than c9ld fire

HMA: Someone got all D-EF-ENSIV-E so suddenly. HMA: You must )(ave woken up on t)(e wrong seaside of t)(e absurd )(uman bed. HMA: )(e)(e. HMA: Once a fuckbuoy alwaves a fuckbuoy. HMA: -Efin if you )(ave a fancy little tiara on t)(at cute )(ead of yours. HMA: 38*

HIA: hey at least I can admit I like fuckin ar9und unlike y9u princess d8B HIA: aint en9ugh m9ney in the w9rld that'd make me 6elieve half the facade y9u 6e fr9ntin all the time. HIA: speakin' 9f ann9yin' 6itches have ya heard fr9m Cal? HIA: I ain't hear fr9m that lil shit in a while I'm w9rryin 9ver here.

HMA: I don't pike fucking around, acs)(oally. HMA: Conc)(sider yours)(ellf a lucky case to efin be touc)(ing me, muc)( less getting to sea all of me. HMA: Naut t)(at it matters anywaves. I know I've been on your pan. 38;) HMA: I am naut annoying. I'm CUT-E. HMA: )(owebber, I t)(ink Cal is doing ocray? HMA: I've been busy wit)( my own fins. HMA: T)(ere's been no tide to reely to worry aboat )(im. HMA: Aw)(. Look at you. HMA: You acs)(oally DO care aboat somefin otter t)(an your )(UG-E -EGO. HIA: 6ig statement ta say c9min fr9m the 6itch wh9 was all up 9n this 6IG EG9 last time ya visted (;B

HIA: and I care s9metimes! shit ya think im s9me kinda m9nster? HIA: lil guy left an impressi9n 9n me lets leave it at that HIA: and may6e y9u have 6een 9n my pan HIA: m9stly that fat ass 9f y9urs 6ut I mean it's still y9u right? HIA: 6itch that ain't luck I kn9w I'm irresista6le

HMA: It was bigger t)(an somefin else last tide. HMA: Just kidding! HMA: Your -EGO is bigger t)(an anyfin else on you. HMA: T)(at's still so CUT-E. You care aboat someone more t)(an doing your )(air or your nails. HMA: MY ASS ISN'T FAT. HMA: It's perc)(fectly proportioned for my size. HMA: YOU are just jellyfis)( I )(appen to )(ave a cute one. HMA: ... HMA: Coddamnit. W)(y do I let you encourage me to be so lewd. HMA: W)(at is your S-EACR-ET. HMA: You moby irresistabubble... HMA: Boat one fin is for s)(ore, you're t)(e one w)(o caved first and invited me over. HMA: Someone wants to rest in Peixes. 38;D

HIA: why rest when I can just keep c9min in and 9ut all day? HIA: (8B HIA: 6a6e ya ass is fat and I remem6a it quite well fr9m my angle HIA: and that ain't n9 insult either HIA: And just like ya said 6a6e I insight it cause I am irresista6le HIA: And last I remem6a Peixes y9u the 9ne wh9 sent me that 699tycall n9t me. HIA: and y9u can g9 fuck a clam with that carin' 6S y9u spillin' actin' like me havin' s9me s9rta c9mpassi9n is the funniest shit this side 9f Alternia eva see. HIA: 6itch if I truly did n9t care then this c9nv9 w9uld n9t 6e happin' and y9u'd 6e a piece 9f ass I get t9 mark 9ff my list 9f 6ad 6itches t9 fuck. |8B

HMA: You're getting sentimental on me eelready? HMA: T)(at's so sweet! HMA: Moby. HMA: Just moby. HMA: I )(appen to miss you too, )(mm? HMA: If I could sea you again, I would. HMA: Boat I pike teasing you. It's fun. HMA: It seams to keep you coming back. HMA: And conc)(estly, it must be working if you're still glubbing wit)( me. 38) HMA: It just means t)(at we )(ad a lot of fun. HMA: And moby, just MOBY, our connection is reel, t)(en.

HIA: I c9me 6ack 6ecause my mem9ry 6e fuzzy HIA: 6ut I kn9w I feel s9methin f9r y9u HIA: I kn9w Cal wiped my mind a s9methin, I just d9n't kn9w what that is. HIA: and he w9nt tell me why. HIA: I wanna kn9w why a pink fuck like y9u makes my pusher race and d9 all s9rts a things wheneva ya message me. HIA: 9r efin sea me. HIA: SEE. ME. EVEN. HIA: stupid puns

HMA: You mean you acs)(oally reely do? HMA: )(oly s)(ip. HMA: Conc)(sider me impressed! HMA: Again, if I could tell you, I would. HMA: I want to. HMA: I eel t)(e same wave. HMA: -Efin t)(oug)( you irribait me, naut being able to glub wit)( you )(as been )(ard. HMA: And you punned for me! HMA: I'm flattered! Reely! HMA: It makes it bereefabubble t)(at my caring aboat you is wort)( it. HMA: )(alibut you pun for me again? HMA: Joking and flirting seaside, )(ow are you doing? HMA: I still do acs)(oally care, you know.

HIA: ... HIA: I've 6een 6eta cutiefin HIA: c9nchestly they g9t me swamped 9va hea d9in all my shit and Didi g9t me w9rkin t9 the 69ne. HIA: I g9t c9urt in an h9ur t99 HIA: I aint neva had this many sessi9ns in a fuckin day let al9ne a week. /8B HIA: shit's 6een stressin me and the witch w9n't sit d9wn tw9 m9thafuckin' sec9nds t9 6e my m9ireel and listen t9 me. HIA: all she want is take take take she ain't neva give 6ack ta me. And if I speak up '69at it she get mad. HIA: and I w9n't say what happen afta w9rds 6ecause it aint shit y9u need ta kn9w. HIA: I 6e wantin ma lil cra6cake s9metimes s9 I can talk '69at half this shit 6ut I feel like I fucked up 9ur friendship s9meh9w? HIA: aint the first m9therfucker t9 leave s9 I mean I'm g99d whateva... HIA: I d9n't g9t much pe9ple wh9 t9lerate my shit eitha way. HIA: I g9t millie 6ut she d9n't give a shit she just a slave. HIA: she'd s99na krill me than talk pale shit.

HMA: I )(ad no idea you were so lonely. HMA: 38C HMA: I'll tell you w)(at. HMA: If I come across Cal, I can pass on a little message if you want. HMA: I'm s)(ore )(e wants to )(ear from you. HMA: I t)(ink )(e still cares aboat you, I reely do! HMA: Seadweller's )(onor. 380

HIA: I'm n9t l9nely I g9t s9me9ne in my 6ed every night- HIA: d8B HIA: ... I mean that'd mean a l9t yeah HIA: I just wanna kn9w h9w he 6e.

HMA: I'll pass it along, on my )(onor. HMA: I'm ocray I guess. HMA: I've been a little stressed trying to take care of everyone )(ere. HMA: Boat otter t)(an t)(at fins )(ave been ocray. HMA: I got a Feebas! A little Pokemon t)(at evolves into somefin beautiful. HMA: I dunno if you remember Lady, my Magikarp, boat t)(ey get along. HMA: )(ere are my two little gills! [HMA uploaded princessleiaandladyred.jpg]

HIA: 9h c99l HIA: s9unds shitty when did ya 6ec9me every9nes lusus? ?8B HIA: them little 6aes l99k ad9ra6le! (8B HIA: I g9t a kra66y named Pinchers HIA: he an 9ld fuck 6ut I l9ve 'em [HIA uploaded krabbyfuckrr.jpg]

HMA: )(e is so CUT-E! HMA: GLUB GLUB GLUB! HMA: I could stare at t)(at cutiefin all day! HMA: )(e)(e. HMA: I t)(ink I'm in love!

HIA: Next time I'll let y9u see him HIA: he a friendly giant HIA: He 6ig en9ugh y9u c9uld sit 9n his 6ack y9u'd have a 6last

HMA: I t)(ink I )(ave a reefson to come sea you t)(en. HMA: I would love to spend some tide wit)( your crabby frond. HMA: 38D 38D 38D

HIA: I g9t m9re 6ut he my fav9rite

HMA: Play favorites wit)( your partners. HMA: You're suc)( a glubbing tyrian. HMA: 38P

HIA: Whaaaaaat?? HIA: I g9t gigi my shiny gyarad9s that likes swimmin in my aquarium HIA: sharpedo likes hanging with gigi HIA: and claws my crawdaunt chills with Pinchers 9ut 9n the sand in the 6ack

HMA: You )(ave so many! HMA: I'm tidally jellyfis)(! HMA: T)(oug)( I will admit I want a s)(iny Umbreon. HMA: I want to call t)(em Nox. 38) HMA: I love my little gills t)(oug)(. HMA: One day t)(ey s)(ell be beautiful and powerful after all of t)(e love I give t)(em. 38)

HIA: I was a fuckin' nerd when I g9t the thr9ne the first few sweeps s9 HIA: I started c9llectin' and trainin' my 6a6es and n9w they 9ld, 6ig and p9werful like their daddy (8B [ HIA uploaded gigitrippin.jpg, PINCHERSNO.jpg to HMA ]

HMA: O)( my cod! HMA: I'm SO saving t)(ese! HMA: T)(ese will mako me smile over t)(e next week for t)(e fins I've got to do. HMA: You know, 'searious business'. 38P HMA: Just look at t)(em! HMA: T)(ey are so CUT-E! HMA: I want to pet t)(em all~!

HIA: i w9uldn't pet gigi they a mess HIA: 6ut yeah i g9t l9ads 9f 'em HIA: sharped9 the 9nly girl th9ugh s9 I can't even 6reed 'em )8 BHIA: I g9t m9re cute shit y9u'd pr96a6ly l9ve 6ut y9u kn9w h9w it 6e HIA: reputati9ns and shit d8B

HMA: Don't be t)(at wave! HMA: It's naut pike I )(ave anemone one I can s)(are t)(is wit)( pike t)(at. HMA: -Everyone would get ANGRY if t)(ey knew I was glubbing wit)( you. 38V HMA: Please s)(ow me! HMA: Do it for your fincess~!

HIA: why s9me69dy get mad y9u talkin t9 me aint y9u an empress??? HIA: 6itch y9u sh9uld 6e all9wed t9 d9 what y9u want when y9u want HIA: with9ut tellin n969dy y9 6usiness the fuck HIA: And fine... [ HIA uploaded plushpile.jpg to HMA ] ==> The pic is a pile of plush dolls from pokemon, different anime but the one feferi notices most are the salior scout ones, death note and attack on titan, generally cute cat, sheep and crab plushies, and sweets themed plushies as well.

HMA: W)(Y DIDN'T YOU -EV-ER GLUB YOU PIK-E SAILOR MOON OR OTT-ER ANIM-E! HMA: O)( my COD! HMA: I'm fangilling so )(ARD! HMA: You are now my favorite tyrian bass)(ole. HMA: I glubbing adore you! HMA: We )(AV-E to cuttle in t)(at pile!

HIA: T//8B HIA: Like i said HIA: I've g9t a fuckin reputati9n. HIA: I used t9 watch a shit t9n 9f anime with didi......

HMA: Fuck your reputation. HMA: You're glubbing adorabubble! HMA: 38D

HIA: N9

HMA: Coddamn it, Crabcatc)(. HMA: You're B-EGGING to be cuttled.

HIA: FUCK Y9U

HMA: Later.

HIA: YA 6ETTA KEEP YA PR9MISE N9W

HMA: I will, ocray?HMA: W)(en )(ave I ever let you down?

HIA: and I 9nly sh9wed y9u 9ne pile..... HIA: T8B y9u d9n't want an answer t9 that HIA: i g9t m9re piles...

HMA: Rig)(t. HMA: S)(ore. HMA: I need to sea moor of you piles. HMA: I'm CURIOUS. HMA: You're giving me ideas for my own.

HIA: depends which 9ne y9u wanna see HIA: m9re plush? HIA: 6lankets? HIA: pill9ws? HIA: I mean I g9t a "pile" f9r t9ys 6ut that shit's private y9

HMA: ... HMA: 38//Y HMA: I. Don't need to sea t)(at anywaves. HMA: I've. I don't. HMA: T)(at's naut necessary, Crabcatc)(.

HIA: N9T TH9SE KIND SHIT HIA: SHIT I'M N9T THAT 6AD HIA: ITS LIKE A SHELF 9F FIGURINES FUCK HIA: AND I TH9UGHT I WAS 6AD

HMA: YOU WOULD )(AV-E SOM-EFIN PIK-E T)(AT YOU GLUBBING BOTTOMF-E-ED-ER! HMA: You're still a fuckbuoy after all. HMA: For all I know you )(ave piles of underwear from all of your conc)(quests.

HIA: THAT'S DISGUSTING HIA: I'm a pr9per 6itch I g9t that kinda shit in a dresser HIA: And N9 I D9 N9T HAVE TR9LL UNDIES THAT NASTY HIA: I'm a fuck 69y n9t a pervert HIA: T8B

HMA: Good to know w)(ere you draw t)(e line. HMA: You're still )(orribubble and you know it.

HMA: It's ocray t)(oug)(. HMA: [Message deleted].

HIA: ?8 BHIA: well yeah fuck y9u t99

HMA: Saury. I got a little carried awave. HMA: Now is naut t)(e tide for somefin pike t)(at. HMA: Boat I'll tell you one day. HMA: In person. 38)

HIA: 6itch en9ugh with the cryptic talk HIA: I ain't signed up f9r this paran9rmal activity shit HIA: st9p with the damn riddles and 6e real with HIA: getitn' fuckin' ann9yin'

HMA: I am being reel wit)( you, Crabcatc)(. HMA: Just please trust me for now. HMA: As much as you can. HMA: After t)(at I can tell you everyfin. HMA: Ocray, love?

HIA: yeah yeah HIA: i d9n't like this patience shit y9u g9t me 9n HIA: T8B

HMA: I know. HMA: I'll mako it wort)( it. HMA: For t)(is I'll do nearly anyfin you ask after. HMA: )(ey. HMA: ... HMA: I'm glad to )(ear from you again. HMA: I would be lying if I didn't glub I miss you.

HIA: I'll h9ld y9u t9 it. HIA: yeah yeah same here.. HIA: /8B HIA: g9 d9 y9ur weird clade thing HIA: I g9t c9urt

HMA: Stay safe! HMA: And take care of yours)(ellf you bass)(ole. HMA: Try naut to miss me too muc)(. HMA: 38;)

HIA: same t9 y9u princess (;B [HIA has ceased trolling HMA]

#ooc #out of cuttlefish #pesterlog with who feferi is facing on monday in addition to violetblood handmaid #you would recognize him from the sharkweek ma on @signlss blog a few weeks ago #his imperial arbitration #aka tyrian signless #ooc eyes only #devious doings #plot #long post #long ass post

4 notes · View notes

starr-fall-knight-rise · 5 years ago

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “Proper Profanity.”

WARNING: Obviously this contains a lot of profanity, lol duh :)

Hopefully it’s at least entertaining

Dr Krill was cleaning the infirmary.. He didn’t mind cleaning, it left his mind time to wander, to think more about the humans. Today he was thinking about linguistics and the complicated way in which humans spoke to each other. It was actually quite beautiful once you stopped being annoyed with it.

He had recently compiled a list of human idioms he found rather delightful. He especially liked ‘when I am ice skating in hell’ not only did it require knowledge of human theology, but also of human sports. Plus it was a great way to tell people no.

Made him want to wriggle a little inside when he thought about it.

Now that he had gotten the use of idioms. He was starting to think about the use of human exclamations. There were so many, he hardly knew where to start.

He was so distracted with his musings that he ended up knocking over a stack of bedpans. They fell to the floor with a clatter before spinning across the open ground.

He looked down and decided that this was the perfect opportunity to try out some of his new exclamations. He wasn’t entirely sure how they worked, but you didn’t get anywhere without trying, “Shit hat!”

He stared at the bedpans trying to determine what he was feeling at the moment.

He didn’t have long for his pondering as Dr. Katie poked her head out of her office. Behind her large square glasses she looked more than a little confused. Another head peered around the corner, and he was surprised to find the captain staring at him with a bemused expression. The door to the far end of the room slid open and a group of marines peered inside.

Hmm, perhaps he had done something wrong.

“Did you just say, shit hat?” Dr Katie wondered glancing between him and the captain.

“That’s what I heard.” he said stepping out from inside.

“Did I do something wrong?” krill wondered in bemusement.

The marines laughed, “What were you even trying to do/”

“I was trying to use an angry exclamation.” The doctor explained

The captain walked over to sit on the edge of one of the beds staring at Krill with a critical eye, “Well, it was a good effort, but not exactly right.”

“What do you mean.”

The marines walked in to sit with them as did doctor Katie.

The captain shook his head, “Well Krill, you see cursing is a very delicate art, you can’t just throw them together like that. For instance what you were trying to say was likely either ust shit, or ass hat. You can’t just throw them together. Shit would have worked, but in this instance ass hat wouldn’t have.”

“I do not understand.”

The captain cracked his knuckles, “I will demonstrate, let us first begin with the word ass

Ass/arse = your pretty much just calling them a donkey at this point

Ass hat = refers to a person who is usually stupid or annoying

Ass wipe = a general insult for someone you don’t like

Dumbass = an idiot

Asshole = someone who is mean or rude

Smartass = can be a term of endearment, but otherwise it might be used as a term for someone who is sarcastic or a know it all

Fatass = someone who eats a lot or is also fat

Ass face = another general insult, but this is specifically an insult and a comparison on their face to someone’s butt.

So what you were doing doesn't exactly work because you use ass hat is an insult for a person and not an exclamation.”

He looked around at the others to make sure they agreed with him before continuing, “our next word is damn.

Damn = can be used as an exclamation of anger in general.

Daaaaaaaaammmnnn = is for general awe, like if I saw someone do something really cool.

Damnit = another exclamation of anger generally a bit higher than just damn

God Damn it = is just a little higher than the previous two, but implies that you want the creator himself to come down and damn the thing that you are cursing.

As a general side note, you can use damn for inanimate objects.

Damn you = is similar but usually directed towards a person. The equivalent of telling someone to go to hell or flipping them the bird.

Damn it all = We ramp it up a bit here. You just don’t want to damn the object, but you want to damn everything.

Damn it all to hell = see previous but more specific

Hot Damn! = this is another good exclamation. You just saw something really cool or someone who is really hot, or something that you really want.

I don’t give a damn = is the fancy way of saying I don’t care.

Are you following me so far?”

Krill nodded eagerly doing his best to remember all of this on such short notice.

“Good, now we get onto another one which I am slightly less familiar but I will try

Bitch = used to mean a female dog, but now sort of means someone who is a coward or pathetic in some way.

Bitching = to complain

Bitch ass = not entirely sure, but if i say to get your bitch ass over here, I don’t have respect for you, though it is often used as a term of endearment between women

Bitchboy = calling someones masculinity into question

“Ok now we get to my favorite word shit, so beautifully versatile, but it means that you have to be careful because each one has a different connotation.

The noun Shit = literally means excrement but can be used as an exclamation of displeasure. It can also replace stuff or things. Like where’s my shit

To shit = a verb means to take a dump

The adjective shitty = means something really sucks

See, a little more versatile than before, now.

Shitter = a toilet or the location where the verb takes place

A shit = is exactly what it sounds like.

To take a shit = is the same as the verb

I don’t give a shit = I don't care kind of like I don’t give a damn

I won't take this shit = means I am not going to put up with you

Bullshit = information, generally a lie or something that is conflated or untrue

Batshit = is a modifier to someone who is insane, it generally means they are really crazy

Shitthole = a place that is really horrible or dirty

Shitstain = general insult for a person you hate

Shithead = see above

Shitfaced = really drunk

The shit = something or someone that is really good

Hot shit= same as the shit

You think you’re hot shit? = generally a challenge to someone who needs to get off their high horse.

A piece of shit = means you suck or your a lowlife

Shitload = a lot of

To lose your shit = to go crazy or get really mad

To be on someone’s shit list = means they don’t like you

My shit = it's mine my stuff my property

Your shit = your problems and I don’t want them

Add an animal in the front like chicken or horse to denote a situation or information that you don’t like. This is horse shit for example.

Shit hits the fan = things get real

Shoot the shit = to talk with someone on a social level

He knows his shit = means he’s smart on a certain topic

You don’t know shit = you don’t know anything

To give someone shit = you .”mess with them or to give them a hard time

Dipshit = an idiot

I am honestly cutting back on the amount of uses in this situation because if we continued this, it might go on too long.

Kril leaned in a little, “how fascinating. I had no idea one word could be so diverse.”

The human leaned in, “Than you are going to love this next one

Fuck = sort of an upper escalation of shit. I don't know if the noun means anything really but the verb technically means to do it.

Fuck that = I am not going to do that there is no way in hell

Fuck you = I hate you go die

Fuck it = might as well just do this thing regardless of the consequences

Fuck me = an exclamation of annoyance. Kind of like how could my life get any worse. Generally used when things aren't going your way. Of course you could use it in it’s literal translation as a command form or a question.

Fuck it all = another exclamation kind of like damn it all

Fuck this shit = generally a screw this thing or activity specifically

Fuck this = see above but less intense

Fuckery = like what kind of fuckery is this. A question used to ask about some sort of unsavory activity.

Fuck off = telling someone to leave or go away angrily.

Fucnking hell = just an exclamation

Fucking shit = also just an exclamation

Generally you can put fucking in front of any other curse word noun and you got yourself a good insult hell, damn et. etc

Fuckwit = an idiot

Fuckface = general insult like shithead

I dont give a fuck = i dont care

I dont give a flying fuck = i really don’t care

Thats fucked = that is screwed up

Hes fucked = hes screwed as in a situation specifically

Lets get fucked up = lets go get drunk or high

Lets fuck him up = lets beat him up

Well…. Fuck = an exclamation of distress

A fuck ton = larger than a shitload

If you get fucked over = you’ve been used or betrayed

And the classic a motherfucker = sort of just a general term for someone, but I want to say it definitely implies someone is having sex with their mom

Fucktard = an idiot.

Krill looked on in fascination and delight, “Holy shit!”

The captain blinked and then grinned, “There you go, now you're getting it. Totally forgot about that one.” He patted Krill on the back, “Now go forth, be free in your newfound knowledge and the glorious art that is cursing properly. Make sure not to use it too much though or in certain types of company because it will either cause you problems or lose it’s power. Like for instance, don’t curse around my mother or she will kill me for teaching you. Don’t curse around superior officers unless they curse first, and even then try to avoid doing it too much. Got it.”

Krill nodded.

He was so excited to apply this new rule of human language

#earth is a deathworld #Earth is space Ausralia #humans are insane #humans are space orcs #HUMANS ARE WEIRD #humans are space oddities

799 notes · View notes

starr-fall-knight-rise · 5 years ago

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “Keeping Pets.”

It’s been a while since I have given you one of Krill’s rages. Plus I got up late this morning, so lol. Hope you like it

Discord server invite https://discord.gg/VSj2EC

From the Journal of Biology and Medicine

This research focuses primarily on the ability of the human to interact and bond with different types of species. All over the galaxy it has been seen that humans have the ability to interact with and understand different species around them in ways that are meaningful for both parties. However, a different and more interesting phenomenon witnessed on the human home world is that practice of keeping a “pet: an animal which is not considered sentient that is allowed to live and interact with the humans, sometimes sharing their houses, and even sharing their beds. No one knows what underlies this profound urge to bring other creatures into their homes, but it is a practice humans have been participating in for well over four thousands years, perhaps even, since the beginning of their existence.

Am I allowed o make a complaint! No no I am not asking. I was simply warning you that I am going to complain in a very round about way. I don’t really care whether you want to complain or not. I am simply angry at how everything humans do seems to be a direct attempt to make me angry, or scare e half to death. I honestly think it is on purpose, a species cannot feasibly be this reckless if that were not the case. I mean, they bring apex predators into their beds for Sanctum’s sake. Here, here let me explain.

The Dog. It basically just a fucking wolf. Yeah, once upon a time humans cuddled up to the most cunning pack predator in the world and thought it would be fun to bring them inside around their kids. I mean are you kidding me, this creature can grow to over one hundred pounds and has razor sharp K-9 teeth that can rip your throat out. It has a nose that can smell the adrenaline excretions…. It can flip the smell fear. IN fact humans say that this creature is domesticated, but may I point out to you that dogs are responsible for killing people all across the world. It’s a predator, it wasn’t to eat your face. And before you go saying , well that is only big dogs, the little dogs are worse. They are big killers trapped inside a tiny body and that makes them neurotic and angry and way more willing to just go ahead and chomp your finger right off. And humans LOVE these creatures, they love them. They will dress them up in little sweaters and little shoes, and they will coo over them constantly. It is HORRIFIC. They even give them to disabled people, some of the most vulnerable of their species, and they just hand them an apex predator like it’s no big deal!..... I’m getting worked up, aren't I?

The cat: So basically a tiny tiger that still has all the instincts of a tiny tiger. If it were bigger it would definitely kill you. Now luckily for us the domesticated ones only come in one size, and that size is rather small (for the most part) because if these suckers were big, they would be like tigers or pumas, and they would be more than willing to rip our face off. What is worse, at least with dogs you can argue that they are well tempered and loving, but cats. They hate you, they are using you and they know it, everyone knows it. They will come up to you to be petted and instead of walking away like a normal creature when they are done they will just claw you, just claw you no explanation to apology just claws. And what is WORSE is the people who own cats are even more delusional than the ones that own dogs because I bet you there is a human reading this right now that says well my cat is nice, or another human that thinks well yeah my cat does this sometimes, but he/she’s so cute and I love them anyway so there…. Humans are blinded by their need to touch and hold fuzzy things.

Horses: Ok, I know this one does not go inside, but hear me out on this one. It is a giant frigging deer thing that comes in as many sizes as dogs do, and one day some a hole human decided to hop on one’s back and go riding into the sunset, never mind that this thing could kick you into a state of internal hemorrhaging even “I” Would balk at. IT i to big put it away and let it roam free, but no instead humans decided to ride it.

Rabbit: Shouldn’t you be eating these things? Also, they have clawed back feet, and sometimes they bite. Why do you want one so badly

Rats : It's a fucking rat! Like boubonic plague! Is any of that ringing a bell. This thing is literally vermin, its job is to carry diseases and be nasty, and you want to keep one in your child’s bedroom

Guinea pigs/gerbils/ mice: See rats above, I am just saying these things are tiny rats and their job is to carry diseases. It is gross so don’t touch them.

Birds: Again with the disease thing. These guys are flying rats. Ok I get it humans love cute things that can make noise and talk, but these guys are super loud and expensive to take care of. Just do yourself a solid and let it go, it belongs out in the wild where it can be annoying outside and not inside.

Lizards: I mean ok…. Pretty sure these carry diseases too. Also, they will never love you and they are very expensive to keep.

Snake: it's a fucking snake! One of humanities the worst fears, and you WANT one. This thing has haunted the nightmares of your people for the past couple thousand years, and you want to cuddle it. Plus you have to feed it dead mice. Some of you have a snake so big that it is capable of swallowing medium-sized animals whole. This is literally the definition of a predator, some of them are even venomous. Why- why-why-why-why do you have one. WHY DO YOU HAVE A SNAKE. THE MIND BOGGLES!

Tarantula: *slamming noises* You guys are just fucking with me now right. Just straight fucking with me. This isn’t serious. Like we have come all this way, just for me to learn about this shit. This isn’t real, it cannot be real because that would mean that you guys are way stupider than I thought you were. I mean…. I can't…. Nope I am done I cant…. I draw the line at big ass spiders.

Why hasn’t god terminated your species yet. Surely natural selection would not encourage you to actively seek out creatures that can kill and eat you. Why, why, why are you still getting bigger. Why are you thriving. Why am I here with you, why did I decide to leave the safety of my own planet

*incoherent screaming”

“Why is the human need to touch other living things so damn strong!. What biological purpose is this!”

Rrrrrrrraaaaaaaaahahhhhhhh

444 notes · View notes

starr-fall-knight-rise · 5 years ago

Text

Humans Are Space Orcs, “Black Hole.”

I was walking, I tended to do that when I had to think, and today was a thinking kind of day. I’m not exactly a thinking kind of guy if I am being honest. Most of the time the inside of my head is a wasteland of song lyrics, movie clips, and microwave noises, but right now I had to try and figure some things out.

First and foremost I had been thinking about the spiderlings a lot lately. It hurt e all over to think the things I was thinking now, but it had to be done.

The spiderlings, when it came right down to it, were just kids like toddlers. They were still learning how to interact with people, they were still growing up, and admittedly, I wasn’t doing a very good job at parenting. First and foremost, however, was the fact that they shouldn’t even be on the ship in the first place. Children weren’t allowed on UNSC ships unless there was rescue mission going on, or they were being transported for some reason.

No one else on the ship would be allowed to take their kids with them, so why should I. It sort of wasn’t fair if you thought on it for a little bit.

Number two, it wasn’t exactly fair to the spiderlings either. They needed some sort of education if they wanted to live in this universe as it was, and right now I didn’t have time to sit them down and teach them anything. I honestly couldn’t really do anything for them at all know that I thought about it. I was horrible at discipline and even worse at teaching them the things they should know.

They needed a preschool or something where they could learn how to read and write, though I had no real idea where to do that.

I had been thinking about this a lot lately based on some of the things I had come to realize while I was gone on leave, the number one being that I took too much on my shoulders. N o one here except for me was expected to father and run a ship at the same time.

If anything I was doing the spiderlings a disservice by keeping them here.

It hurt me to say all of that because the aggressive controlling part of me doesn’t want to admit that I can’t do all of it all by myself.

But I can’t.

However, I do know someone who potentially could if she was going to do what she said she was going to do.

A part of my, however, didn’t want to contact Eris.

We hardly knew each other and to ask for favors would be a bit much. Arguably the adaptids were older than she was, meaning that choosing her to help me in this endeavour wasn’t fair to her either, but who else was I going to get to take care of them.

One thing is for sure, they needed a lot of things that I just couldn’t provide, and that meant I was going to ave to let go.

Made me sick to my stomach but there you had it.

I admired it.

I Can’t do it.

I turned the corner onto the bridge my mind made up. I would have to Call Eris when we were out of warp and see if she would take another couple of hybrids.

I made myself feel a little better by promising I would call and visit as often as I could, though it hurt me to think how the spiderlings might respond to me just up and leaving them.

I tried to remind myself that I wasn’t up and leaving them, I was doing what any other father in the UNSC would have to do and that was find them a place to stay and learn and grow and all of those other things, but a part of me still felt horrible.

To take my mind off of that decision, I turned my head towards one of the bridge crew members, “Grab a tablet and follow me.”

They did as told, bot up and followed.

It honestly still surprises me when people follow my orders. Like I expect to have to explain or justify my reasoning to them, but instead they sort of just get up and walk over like that was supposed to be how it worked.

I wasn’t totally convinced.

I motioned them to follow and together we walked down the hall.

I took my first stop in the medical bay where Krill and Katie working quietly to deep clean the med bay while there were no patients to work on.

Krill looked up and his antennae buzzed slightly when he saw me. A frown crossed his face as he looked me over, expecting some sort of injury. I have him a smile and almost winked but then remembered that when you have one eye winking just looks like blinking.

Katie straightened up, “Good morning Commander.” She said with a wide smile.”

That would always surprise me to, when your friends call you by a title.

“Morning Doctor.” I responded in kind walking over with my assistant at my heels.

Krill seemed to relax, “how may we help you this morning, commander.”

I took a seat on the edge of one of the beds and bounced my foot up and down a bit as i thought, “I was just thinking about the ship and how it’s run.”

They looked at each other.

I held up a hand, “Don’t worry it’s nothing like that. I just realized the other day that I don’t really know how things work on my own ship despite trying to control everything all the time, so I am going to go around to all of the departments get and idea of how they work, and what they do, and how they might need my help if anything.” I motioned back towards my assistant, “Lt. McKinnon is going to take notes for me, and then later on I am going to meet with the Jedi council, and we are going to decide how best to delegate and meet the needs of the ship more effectively.”

Katie raised an eyebrow, “The Jedi council?”

“Yeah, that’s what I am calling it, and you can’t make me decide otherwise.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled and I smiled back.

If they thought my idea was dumb, they at least humored me.

As far as my involvement, there really was none, though I had to make sure that everyone was up to date on their medical evals and vaccinations, which was probably a job I could delegate to someone else, or at least give Katie and Krill the power to do, so I would have to look into that later.

I stood from there and together me and my assistant moved to the other departments before slowly coming around to the rec hall where I knew I might find a particular grou pf of people.

Cannon was there as I expected he would be playing pool with a group of other Drev.

Cannon was a good shot while the others were a couple seconds away from poking each other in the eye with the cues, but they were laughing and talking rapid fire in drev, fast eough that I was having trouble understanding just exactly what they were saying.

Cannon leaned over the table and took a shot sending one of the balls into a corner pocket with a satisfying clatter.

The other Drev groaned and he raised his fist in triumph.

I approached once Cannon won the game, and the big guy saw me coming raising the pool cue in greeting like he might raise a spear. The other Drev did the same

“Zhad tsak Hajee lasan jirhaat.”

I raised my hand and returned the greeting.

May your spear be sharp or something similar.

I kept the conversation mostly in Drev for the sake of the clan, “Cannon how are you this morning?”

He lifted his head to me, “Won seven duels and tested some of Chalan’s new weapons.”

I smiled, “Ben busy than I see.”

“I always try to keep it that way.”

Cannon was the defacto clan leader. Technically it was either sunny or I, but Sunny wasn’t reall the clan leading type and I had everything else to run so that gave Cannon most command over the Drev, which is why I was here.

“Just coming in to make sure you guys have everything you need and see if there is anything that you guys need done. Cannon obviouly you are on the jedi council, so you’ll figure this out later, but I want to make sure eveyrthing is running smoothly. Is there anything your clan needs to discuss.”

Cannon tapped his fingers agaisnt his carapace beore pulling me aside by the arm.

“Tatazan is…. Pregnant so, what should I do about that?”

A ton of bricks for Commander Adam Vir.

I blinked blindsides by that afformentioned rockslide, “I uh…. Hmm that is complicated.”

I turned to look at the floor. I suppose it should ahve occured to me that when we took on an entire Drev clan that we were also taking on mated pares. Now the UNSC guidelines about being in relationships didn’t cover the Drev considering that their battle partners were always thir significant other so hiring a Drev would be impossible if the rule was followed.

But I had failed to recognize the ‘mated’ part of a mated pair.

“Well shit.” I muttered

“This isn’t exactly ideal.”

Cannon nodded, “I think it might be best if the child is raised off the ship on Anin.”

“I tend to agree with you there.” I leaned in a bit, “I have been thinking about the same things for the spiderlings.”

He nodded knowingly.

“A ship is no place to grow up.”

I agreed no matter how much child me would have disagreed.

“We can discuss that in meeting tonight, though as clan leader you have the most say in this.”

He nodded his large head, “Where is my sister?” He wondered looking around for where she might be.

“I sent her off to play with making new weapons.”

“Sent her off?” Cannon chuckled in amusement

“Yeah, I think she worries about leaving me on my own, like I am going to set something on fire or something.”

“Have you set anything on fire/” He wondered wryly.

I smirked, “No but I’ve been thinking.”

“For you, that is actually worse than setting things on fire.”

The two of us laughed and I patted him on the arm as I returned him to the pool table and a second round of him kicking everyone’s ass.

Cannon was a good clan leader and had thrown himself into the work wholeheartedly. They respected him, and he got along with them. Not a day went by that you didn’t see him leading the Drev in some new sort of activity to broaden their horizons. I sortof wished Sunny would join them more often. I think it would be good for her to speak her own language and have friends er own species, but I get why she tended to distance herself.

These Drev were from the same clan that mistreated her entire life, and memories lie that were difficult to forgive at times. Still, they had to be better than me, and I worried about her.

Sure spending her time being beautiful and nobley aloof all the time gave her an heir of…. Hmmm how shall I say…. Excitement and intrigue, but still…. I wanted her to be happy.

And as much as the greedy part of me wanted my friend all to myself I recognized that probably wasn’t a good thing.

I’d talk to her later about it I decided.

“Commander Vir to the bridge, commander Vir to the bridge.”

I motioned my note taker to follow, and we hurried back to the bridge taking our seats. The captain’s chair was familiar at this point, but I still couldn’t shake off that tiny moment of thrill as I sat down.

“Report.”

“Warp ends in five minutes, commander.”

My heart pounded nervously in my chest. This was it, this was the big moment scientists had been waiting for forever. A real live real time picture of a black hole. Now it was important to keep away from the edge or risk time dilation, spegetiffication, and instant death.

The kid in me was about to pee himself in excitement, but the Commander in me was intent on not letting everyone die.

I picked up the com on the rest of the ship inviting them to prepare for warp exit, and then told them to get their asses up to the observation deck to see something awesome.

When I put the mic down I was back in commander mode ordering the crew to ready themselves for this moment.

My eyes were fixed straight ahead.

This was going to be insane.

If we came out of this wrong, we could be caught in the event horizon and be….

Goners.

“Exiting warp in ten.”

I prepared to take manual control of the ship breath held trying not to imagine what would happen if we appeared at the edge of the event horizon sailing on a dust cloud of light as we plunged towards our death, a black pit of nothingness.

“One”

The warp drie disengaged, and we jolted violently as the air warped around us.

I slammed back in my seat taking immediate control of the ship waiting for any warning bells to go off signaling extreme gravity,

I took a relieved sigh when there was none and lifted my head to the viewing window.

‘“Ho-ly shit.” I muttered

The rest of the crew gasped.

It was…. Well it was wow.

IIf you guys have ever seen interstellar, I would go so far as to say that was pretty accurate.

From this distance the thing didn’t look so big, but the very marrow of my bones knew what it meant. The massive disk of light and dust that surrounded it slowly spiraling inward towards a pit of nothingness.

The halo ring of light that surrounded it glowed upward as unbelievable gravity refracted the back of the black hole towards the front.

It was like a dark eye in the middle of space staring outward at us unblinkingly as it lurked in the darkness...

This

Was the center

Of the Milky Way.

290 notes · View notes

starr-fall-knight-rise · 5 years ago

Text

Humans are Space Orcs “Christmas.”

wrote this based on a request for fluff, so I have delivered the fluff. There is a certain group of you who will probably be a little bit made at me when you finish :)

But here is the token Christmas episode, and I hope you all like it

“Alright, try it now.”

“But Commander, I'll have to pull power from the reactor core.”

“I said do it airmen, did it sound like a question?”

“Yes, sir.”

A sudden eruption of lights exploded about the mess hall, and down the hallways of the ship, thousands of tiny twinkling lights. Krill, having been walking to speak with the Commander paused at the entrance to the room and spun around in wonder. Lines upon lines of lights had appeared out of nowhere to be projected around the walls of the room and down the hallways of the ship. They weren’t bright or anything, instead an almost delicate yellow in color gently twinkling like the light of distant stars.

“Get those overhead lights off,”

With a loud thud, the lights switched off, casting the room into the warm ambient glow of those thousand twinkling lights. He spun in a circle staring up at the ceiling, shocked to find a mosaic of falling snowflakes, which faded and vanished before hitting the floor,

“Give me more fall-off on that snow airman. Tomorrow better be magical or someone is getting their ass fired.”

He turned his head again eyes widening in geater wonder as they fell on the center of the room. The flickering, projected hologram of a massive tree. It was one of those furry looking earth plants that could reach higher than thirty feet tall, though this one only nearly brushed the ceiling. It stood in the middle of the room decorated by hundreds more twinkling lights, yards of red ribbon and shiny glass balls. Atop the tree, there was projected the human caricature of a star glittering with firelight.

Tongues of phantom fire licked against the far wall, under a mantle of stone and brick.

Krill turned in another wide circle as the strange lights flickered around him, reminding him strangely of the space walk he had gone on with the commander so long ago, stepping out into the darkness surrounded by stars, alone in the vastness of space, but where that had been cold and distant, this was a close warmness that filled him up from the inside and made him feel oddly warm.

Soft footsteps behind him and then a pause.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“What is it?’

“Realistically, more than four thousand years of pagan-christian and corporate tradition.” Krill looked up to find the array of glittering lights reflected against the human’s bright green iris. His voice grew soft, though it stayed warm, “More romanticized…. This is…. Home. This is childhood and imagination, and family wrapped in a box and tied with a bow. This is being warm when its cold and loved when you’re alone. This is comfort on the edges of space when earth is a trillion lightyears away and you may never go back.”

“Feeling a bit poetic today I see?’

The Commander shrugged, “Maybe a little…. Kind of homesick too.” he sighed, “This is the first year I won’t be celebrating Christmas with my family.”

“Christmas?”

“Yeah, I’m not exactly sure what it meant to other people, but when I was a kid, it was mostly just a day to celebrate our family…. Mom loves Christmas, she goes all out every year, even when things were tight…. She always managed to make things special. One year dad snuck out in the middle of the night and left reindeer tracks in the snow to convince us they had been there.”

“Er, Reindeer?”

“Ah, never mind. I’ll tell you about it later. Important thing is getting everything ready for tonight. If you want to see the real magic.”

Krill stared at the commander as he walked away not entirely sure what the hell that was supposed to mean. He was trailed by a rather grumpy looking Glados. In the past few months the adaptid had grown to the size of a medium sized dog, and the Commander was, more and more, forcing her to walk on her own, Which she didn’t much like.

Krill glanced around at the lights one last time before returning down the hall and towards the medical bay. All across the ship crew members were busy putting up decorations, stringing strange fluffy streamers over the exposed piping.

One crew-member, in a red and a green hat with a bell on top was hanging strange plants from the tops of doorways. He looked on in confusion before stepping into the medical bay greeted by Dr. Katie, who was wearing a red and white dress with a matching hat and striped leggings. She looked like a peppermint stick...

“Good evening krlll, are you ready for christmas?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Other than it's some sort of human holiday.”

“Yeah, it’s the one day of year where people get together and give each other gifts and stuff. To some people it means different things, simply a family day or to celebrate religious figures. Just sort of depends. Some people don’t celebrate it at all, but the Commander seems pretty big on christmas, so why not.”

“Why are you dressed up like that?”

She winked at him, “Because I’m an elf silly.”

“You know this is almost the first time in half a year in which I have no understood a single word coming out of your mouth. She simply winked and continued on her way whistling happily.”

Of course the night came, and out of Character Dr. katie curled up on one of the hospital beds and fell asleep leaving Krill alone in the half darkness. He spent the rest of his time on the internet looking up information on the so-called holiday. What he found was a tangled mess of pagan-cristian-and corporate traditions just like the Commander had suggested. A lot to do with saints and demons and more information than he was willing to read all the way through at this moment. He wasn’t a xeno historian after all.

The night wore on, and he sensed a strange stillness in the air around him caused by the ambient light leaking in from the hallway, warm and fiery.

It was close to two in the morning when a knock came on the door to the medical bay. Dr. Katie stirred and sat up adjusting her dress as she ran over motioning Krill after her. Curiously he followed after her, stepping into the hall to find….. More than a strange sight. There was Conn, draped all over in glittering tinsel to add to his flowing ribbons. A couple other humans were dressed in the strange red and green costumes with pointy hats and bells on their shoes. Waffles, the dog, was sitting just before the door wearing a fake pair of antlers, her tongue lolling happily from one side of her mouth. Sitting with her were the three adaptids in similar states of dress glados looking cowed but a little more than miffed to be there. Both of them were covered in bells as well, and all of that strangeness arrayed around the weirdest thing of all, a very large fat man in a blindingly red suit, and big white beard.

He moved forward ad Dr. Katie hopped over to join the strange party grinning and giggling as she patted waffle’s head. The dog licked her hand, “You make such adorable reindeer.” She reached down to pat Glados next, and the adaptid sulked, but didn’t try to bite her as she might have done with someone else.

“HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!” Said the big fat man, and looking up into his eyes, Krill suddenly grew very suspicious. He had only ever seen a shade of green like that on one human.

“What the hell have you done to yourself.” he demanded.

Adam raised an eyebrow, though most of his face was covered by a beard, “I have no idea what you’re on about.”

Krill was horrified, “Look at you…. How…. how do you gain that much weight in such a short amount of time. Are you mad? Are you ok? Are you going to die of a heart attack in the next fifteen minutes because something tells me this can’t be healthy.” He glared at the human, “When were you going to tell me that humans could just spontaneously gain an enormous amount of weight. Whatever this is, it is an immediate medical emergency. Plus the beard, some serious hormonal dis-regulation I can’t even begin to imagine what sort of-”

“KRILL! Its a suit, a costume, I didn’t just spontaneously gain weight.” The human adjusted his beard voice sounding more normal now that he wasn’t trying to make it deeper, “I’m Santa Claus?

“And who is that supposed to be?”

“Well, he is the physical embodiment of the spirit of Christmas. Legend says, he lives at the north pole, and works with the elves making toys all year round. He keeps to lists, and on one list appears the name of all the well behaved children, and on the other list appears the names of the naughty children, he will check both lists twice, and there is no point trying to trick him because he sees everything. And then on the night of Christmas, he gathers all the presents into the back of his sleigh, which is pulled by nine magical flying reindeer. Then, he takes all night to to fly all around the world delivering presents to kids. Most of the time he comes down the chimney, if you have one. He will fill stockings (socks) hung over the fireplace with small toys and then put the big presents under the Christmas tree. If you were a bad kid than he wouldn’t leave a present, but a lump of coal instead. Generally it is recommended that one leaves some cookies and a glass of milk out as a thank you, oh, and carrots for the reindeer.”

….

There was silence for a long moment, “What in the name of beelzebub's balls kind of story is that.”

Even through the beard he could tell that Adam was frowning, “Stop being such a Grinch. It’s a great story, to help kids behave, and keep the magic alive for a little while before you become and old cantankerous adult that doesn’t believe in anyone or anything anymore.”

“And what is a grinch.”

“A grinch is an angry green person who hates to see other people happy….. Arguably they also hate corporate Christmas, but I digress. Scrooge is also someone who doesn't get the point of Christmas, and both are definitely insults, now come on. You are joining me and my elves while we go deliver presents.”

Before he could protest, he was presented with pointy hat with a bell on it, and forced to follow as they wandered silently off down the halls.

Adam pulled out a clipboard, “Alright everyone, our list here says that approximately 85% of the crew celebrates Christmas, but we will still be delivering presents to everyone because we are nice and that is what we do. Nobody is expected to join in tomorrow but everyone is invited because we aren't trash humans.” Glados and Waffles walked at his heels as the rest of the humans followed behind lugging large bags over their shoulders, “Alright Katie, you’re with me in filling the stockings, the rest of you are charged with leaving a trail to the mess hall where the actual presents will be, one for everyone at least, no one is left out. Corporal, you get the people who don’t celebrate Christmas, and just leave the gifts outside their doors. Make sure to leave the notes for them as well so they know they are invited if they want to come.”

“Yes s…. Ur Mr. Claus?”

“Damn Straight.”

“What about the Drev?”

“I am including them in the list of people who celebrate simply because I want them to have the experience once before they decide whether they like it or not. Everyone should get the chance to at least choose.”

It too nearly the next few hours to get things done. Krill Accompanied the Commander, Conn, waffles, and the Adaptids as they jingled quietly up the halls slipping into rooms where crew members had been instructed to leave socks hanging from their bed frames.

On more than one occasion Krill watched as a very confused human, light sleeper, sat up and watched blearily as they exited the room with a confused look on their faces. Some seeming even amused. The heavier sleepers didn’t notice a thing.

They reached the Drev and Marine quarters at some point towards the end of the night, making it through one relatively quickly, but just as he was about to step into the last room, Glados growled and snapped at his boot.

Commander…. Santa? Looked down and harrumphed, “Someone here is going on the naughty list.” Katie and Krill leaned forward as a light shined down on the delicate silver trip wire cut across the door.

Katie snorted, “Coal.”

Quietly, he stepped over the line and into the room Glados leaping behind him. “Alright which one of the naughty children is trying to capture St. Nick?”

Krill turned on his thermal vision and could see the vast majority of the marines were not sleeping.”

He turned to look over at Krill and Conn, who motioned in the direction of one of the beds. He walked quietly over leaning next to the ear of the ‘supposedly” Sleeping marine, “I see you when you’re sleeping Ramiez .”

There was an eruption of uncontained giggling around the room, which was rather strange coming from the large, muscular humans.

“Oh…. kinky.” A muffled voice whispered from somewhere.

More giggling.

“Is that you Santa?”

“Guess who's getting coal for Christmas.”

He turned towards the door.

“Wait, wait, Santa, wait! I have a question. “

He paused in the doorway raising his eyebrows at the marines who were sitting up, “What?”

“How did you get here without reindeer?”

He wagged a finger at them, “Very carefully. You better thank my elves, they had to get degrees in engineering, physics and rocket science to get me here. And what is worse, my Star-sleigh was pulled by a bunch of snarky starborn led by that one.” He pointed towards Conn, “he almost guided us into a black hole, so you better be nice and leave me out some cookies next year.”

He stepped over the tripwire and back out into the hallway allowing the door to shut closed behind them.

Outside there was a trail of tinsel and strange footprints leading away from the doors and down the halls. He left the bag just outside the door with the rest of the stocking stuffers in it, not ever having intended to leave the marines with just coal.

They took one last jingling run up and down the halls for effect before retreating to the mess hall where they promptly passed out on bean bags by the holographic tree in front of the holographic fire.

Glados crawled up onto the fake belly and curled up there glowering at anyone who got to close. Waffles and the other adaptids curled up just to the side.

***

Sunny woke up early the next morning thinking how odd it was, that strange tinkling sound in the middle of the night. She sat up looking over at the sock she had been asked to place in her room. She had been forced to borrow it from someone considering she didn’t wear socks, and was surprised to find something sticking out of it.

She wandered over and tipped the contents into her hands surprised to find an earth flower, and some miscellaneous items of use for her work down in engineering.

Curiously, she opened the door into the hallway idly munching on the flower, and found a trail leading from her door and down the hall. The scene surprised her, and she wasn’t entirely sure what to think. It clearly had the intention of being followed, and curious, she followed finishing off the flower as she came around the corner dropping the stem in surprise when she saw the room before her.

Hundreds of holographic lights, a tree, fire, piles of blankets and beanbags and lounging humans half asleep. Conn was floating up near the ceiling trailing tinsel. Krill was hovering beside the tree looking more than a little confused. Dr. Katie was moving wrapped gifts below the tree dressed like a peppermint stick.

Adam….. Well Adam was peeling off a suit that added about two hundred pounds to his frame. It seemed as if there had also been a fake beard and massive coat, as far as she could see. Took him a few seconds to wriggle out of the boots and oversized pants dumping them on a chair close by leaving him in a white shirt and military issue olive green pants.

He looked up from where he had dumped his costume and grinned at her.

She walked closer.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Erm…. Merry Christmas?.... What’s a Christmas.”

“Apparently it’s a human holiday perpetrated on the idea that a magical fat man in a red suit, flies around the world on a magical sleigh pulled by magical non-flying flying mammal to deliver presents to children who were good…. Oh also he watches you when you sleep.” Sunny stared at Krill in confusion.

Overhead Conn was mimicking voiceless laughter.

“Don’t mind him, he's being a little grinch as usual. Come on, we’re just waiting to give people time to show up, and then we are gonna open presents.”

“How did you manage to get something for everyone?

“Well I asked for help number one, but number two, what else am I supposed to do with my money. I mean I have a place to live, a place to sleep, entertainment, food, anything a guy could as for, so I just threw a paycheck or two at it. Otherwise its just sitting in my bank account collecting dust until I can find something dumb and nerdy to spend it on…. I thought…. Well I thought this would mean more than getting myself a light-saber or something.”

She stared at him for a long moment, “You are such a…. Sap.”

He smiled, “Maybe a little. I mean it's not much, anyway, but it made me feel good.”

She paused, tilted her head, and then hugged him. He seemed a little surprised one eye peering up at her from a four- arm embrace. He didn’t say anything until she let him go and he stepped back to look at her, “What was that for?”

“You…. well. You… deserve it. And I don’t think you get reminded enough.”

She thought she saw a little bit of red creeping up his neck and he looked down at his feet, waving it off, “Nah, if you knew what went on inside my head, you wouldn’t say that.”

She decided not to argue with him, humans were horrible with accepting compliments sometimes. Instead she found herself sharing music with him as they lay on one of the beanbags waiting for the others to arrive.

He had his eyes closed appearing as if he was sleeping through she knew he probably wasn't . At some point he adjusted himself so that his head was resting on one of her arms, using her like a pillow. A few more people started to trickle in, including the marines, one of which, Ramirez, was wearing bright red footie pajamas and walked over to claim a bean bag just to the wide.

Adam opened an eye and looked over at him, “What the hell are you wearing.”

“My footie pajamas.”

“Yeah I got that…..”

“Don’t diss the footies..”

“ Yeah sure, anyway what would have happened if I stepped on the trip-wire?” Sunny lifted her head at the mention of a trip wire.

Ramirez grinned, “it would have been pretty glorious, that’s what, but guess you will never know.”

“Rude.”

A few of the other marines wandered in blearily, CJ, Davis, and maverick who took a seat cross-legged on the floor her short blond hair sticking up in all directions like the open wings of a bird.

Finally The commander determined it was time and began handing out the presents, first to the more introverted people, who he figured could take their present and head off if they really wanted. A few of the non-Christmas-people showed up just to hang out causing a sort of slow trickle in and out of the room almost constantly.

Krill and Conn were both presented with gifts, Krill who just happened to get a little cube that was advertised as holding about a million different puzzles of all different types and at varying levels He seemed pleased, though he insisted on his patrol through the room to make sure the humans weren’t doing anything stupid.

Conn was presented with some sort of hand-held gaming system, actually relatively cheap compared to what they used to be.

He loved it.

ANd based on Commander Vir’s smug expression, he had done it on purpose, probably to keep the starborn out of his head.

Sunny was standing at the back of the room watching the humans rather fondly, as well as the other Drev, who seemed to be enjoying themselves as much as the humans. Her brother and Maverick were causing trouble across the room and nearly giving krill a conniption. Watching all of this, she still noticed Adam approaching from the side holding one last box.

He held it up, “One more present left.”

She turned to face him, “For you.”

He held it out, “Well you, obviously….. I sort of waited till last because…. Well you technically got more than everyone else. My Mom sent a few things up, and I just added her gift to mine.”

Sunny took the box and looked up in surprise, “Your mom…. But she…. She hates me.”

A small smile, “I think she's come around. It’s just taken her a while. I think this is supposed to be an apology. It's pretty cute, I think you should wear it.”

Out of curiosity, she opened the box and looked inside to find a piece of fabric neatly folded on top. With her upper hands she reached to unfold it, whatever it was it was made out of very warm material, “What is it?”

“I guess it's called a cowl. She thought it would be something she could make that wouldn't get in the way of you wearing armor, and, since you guys sometimes wear capes, it would also go with that. Here try it on.” He took it from her hands standing on his tip-toes to pull it over her head and shoulders. Turned out it was pretty much just a hood, unattached to anything and that really only covered the head and shoulders.

She peered out form inside, to see him grinning.

It was a funny picture, though she could see out, really the only think everyone else saw was the end of her snout/beak peeping out from under the hood. She lifted her head, and the hood fell a little further over her eyes.

He laughed, and helped her pull it back a bit, “She thought since you guys are more… warm weather creatures, that you could probably use one of these on our expeditions.”

“You should tell her thanks, from me.”

“I will.”

She looked back down inside the box and was surprised to find it was full of different kinds of flowers. She looked back up at him in surprise, “How did you get these out here.”

“Wasn’t easy, tell you that.”

She leaned down snapping one of them up rewarded with a very light fragrant flavor. It was pretty nice, but then she looked back at Adam to see him smiling nearly dropping the box when she realized, “You! Where is your present. Didn’t you get anything?”

He just broke into a smile, “Sunny, I’m friends with like seven different kinds of aliens, I Command an entire FLEET of spaceships, and have like 300+ friends. I got my childhood dream, so what else do I need?”

She paused sure he was right, but also feeling bad.

They stood there together, looking out at the room when Ramirez glided past still in his footie pajamas. As he did his eyes widened a bit and he paused a slow grin spreading over his face. Adam gave him a very confused expression, but Ramirez just shook his head and pointed up before gliding away.

In confusion both Sunny and Adam looked up.

Sunny tilted her head.

“What is that?”

She turned her head down to look at Adam and found the man’s skin changing color again. “Er….. it’s…. That appears to be…. mistletoe .”

She lifted her head again to stare at the strange plant, “Oh….. like in that Christmas movie….”

“Yeah…. Like in that…. Christmas movie.”

“Oh.”

They both looked down at about the same time. The way the Christmas lights interacted with the UV patterns on his skin, turned the usually blue, turquoise pattern on his skin almost electric lightning blue. The green in his eyes was more potent with the way the light refracted in them. Little twinkling lights danced over the polished surface of her bright-blue carapace.

He didn’t look away.

Neither did she.

And then a small brown shape came screaming from nowhere cutting between them. They both stepped back in shock, and Krill roared past grabbing the plant from where it hung, “Reeeeeeeeeeeeeee! NO, NO, NO, NO STUPID IDIOTIC HUMANS HANGING POISONOUS THINGS WHERE ANY OTHER STUPID HUMAN MIGHT EAT THEM! I WILL NOT HAVE IT YOU HEAR ME. I WILL NOT” and then he went roaring away trailing laughter in his wake. Slowly Sunny and Adam turned to look at each other before doubling over racked with fits of laughter. Adam ended up on the floor leaning against the wall, just below where Sunny propped herself.

Just when they thought they'd stop laughing, they started up again.

“Damn…. Crazy…. Bastard.” Adam Wheezed crawling to his feet

“Did you hear that sound he made?”

“Yeah, classic Krill….. Anyway.” He paused shuffling his feet, “Wanna go, push Ramirez over or something?”

“Sounds fun, I’m in.”

“Sweet.”

By the end of the hour, Ramirez was upside down in a pile of bean bags everyone laughing at his expense.

All in all, it was a pretty good Christmas

626 notes · View notes

starr-fall-knight-rise · 5 years ago

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “Paper Man.”

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED: GORE, VIOLENCE, MORAL AMBIGUITY

Ok guys, I am giving this a rated R for violence specifically. I wanted to play around with some extreme moral issues, and I ended up doing just that. So if you didn’t read the horror chapter, then I suggest very much not reading this one.

It is the third and last installment to my little prison series, so you can imagine what might be in here. I leave it up to you to decide if you can handle it or not. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. :)

I designed this specifically to expose Adam’s character to an extreme situation hes probably not emotionally equipped for.

Commander Vir wiped a smear of excess inc from the man’s skin and sat back to view his handiwork. He had to admit that he was definitely getting better now that he had figured out how to use the damned machine. Not to mention that he spent most of his free time drawing for fear that he was going to screw up and get his ass kicked.

In all honesty, he could have been a pretty talented artist if he had ever bothered to practice, but he hadn’t drawn, conventionally, since he was in middle school and, as a result, his drawing had suffered . However, now that he was in prison, he had a surprising amount of free time to work on extracurricular skills. If he wasn’t pumping iron with the others, he was working on a new tattoo design or applying the inc.

While it sucked pretty hard core to be here, he had found a relatively safe middle ground. Being able to do inc gave him certain privileges among the other humans, not to mention his personal connection to krill, who was invaluable as the crew’s medic. Having worked at the biggest trauma center in the galaxy, the kind of wounds they generally received was a cakewalk to the little alien.

The problem…..well, that was the Drev, and the fact that every human and their dog had, at one point, boasted to the larger, scarier aliens about having a member of operation steel-eye in their ranks. They did pretty much everything but directly mention his name, but they may as well have been dancing a naked jig around him with signs directed at his chest saying “Here I am come shank me.”

He wasn’t sure how well the goading would work with Drev. He had learned from Sunny, that a good Drev considered war to be impersonal, and those who beat you in battle were supposed to be treated with respect, but this was also coming from the Drev whose mother had gone off the deep end and plotted to destroy humanity, so he had a feeling he couldn’t rely on Drev honor to keep him from getting eviscerated.

He cleaned his tools off in the best way he knew how and allowed the man to finally take a look. He held his breath.

The man examined the tattoo for a very long moment, and for this horrible second, Adam feared he was about to be pounded into the concrete, “Good work Steel!” Instead, he got a heavy slap on the back, which probably would have slammed him into the pavement anyway for his trouble, but it simply sent him into a stagger, and the other man walked away flexing his arm. Adam grimaced. He wasn’t entirely sure had to do proper, post-art care was going to work down here, and just had to hope that the man wouldn’t end up with some sort of nasty infection.

His hopes were not particularly high.

At least Krill would be there to clean up the aftermath.

The rest of the humans were outside again today, but technically, all the facilities were open, still he preferred to go back upstairs to his cell for some privacy. He tucked the little case of tools into his single pocket and made his way into the building and towards the stairs. The Drev had taken the TV today and was watching some horrible remake of a classic 2000 movie. There were a lot of explosions and 0 practical effects.

Seemed like a drev thing to do, and he tried to remain unseen as he moved up the stairs and towards his cell. He made it there safely enough, got some privacy and, stupidly, stepped out just in time to meet a group of drev walking down the catwalk.

He froze just outside his room staring at them. They paused to look at him. No one moved for the longest time. Multiple arms flexed, and the large female at the front dropped her head aggressively over her throat. It didn’t take a genius to know what that meant, and before he knew it, his heart was hammering in his throat, his vision had tunneled, and his feet hammered against the catwalk as he bolted for the stairs.

A drev war cry rose behind him, and feet thundered against metal sending terrible vibrations up through his shins and knees. He made it to the stairs and nearly tripped. He caught himself with one hand watching as a life a paralysis flashed before his eyes. The thundering behind him grew stronger, so in a moment of panic, he flung himself over the side of the railing and dropped to the ground almost fifteen feet below. He took the entire impact through the inferior metal of his prosthetic leg collapsing onto the concrete with a sharp thud. Pain blossomed from that same same hip rocketing up his side and into his chest.

Something in the prosthetic snapped and splintered, but he didn’t have time to think about that, dragging himself to his feet and limping pst the tables, shoving other prisoners aside, and ducking past confused drev now being galvanized into action by the war cries of their leaders.

“RUN STEEL, RUN!” There was a thunderous roar, and a wave of humans came crashing into the tables stopping the Drev in their tracks as they tried to follow after Adam.

One prisoner wrenched a chair form the floor and clobbered a Drev in the head with it. Lights and sirens exploded around them as the guards came pouring onto the catwalks screaming for everyone to get down. The riot continued behind him as he scrambled on his busted prosthetic. He looked over his shoulder just in time to duck under the angry swing of an approaching Drev.

He hit the floor on hands and toes for a moment scrambling under a table before racing forward into one of the auxiliary hallways. A table collapsed behind him as the Drev leaped atop it. Cells flashed by him and footsteps gained.

More lights flashed, and the cell doors began to close slowly.

Footsteps were gaining, and were almost upon him as a hand shot out form one of the cells and bodily dragged him through the door, just as it was shutting. He collapsed to the concrete floor just as the Drev slammed into the bars reaching through for him with all four limbs, which it immediately regretted as a metal pipe was rammed into it’s outstretched hands. It cursed in it’s guttural language and drew back angrily.

Adam looked up to find a man standing just to his side. He was an unassuming thin man with little circular glasses, and a slightly soft physique, but he was grinning and stuck out his tongue out at the Drev who then stepped back growling and walked away knowing that he could not make it through the bars. The man dropped the pipe on the bed and turned to look at Adam.

“Close call there, Commander.”

Adam blinked in confusion and shock, “You, you know who I am?”

The man smiled, “Know who you are, I’d have to be living under a rock not to know. I have been following your career for a very long time. A big fan actually.” He held out a hand and hauled Adam to his feet, “Surprised the other's haven't figured it out yet, your disappearance has been all over the news.”

Adam limped over to the bed and sat down pulling up his pant leg to examine the damaged prosthetic. The plastic casing had been completely cracked up one side, and a few of the shock-absorbent springs had been popped from their sockets. The inside of the casing rattled. He frowned.

“I…. thanks for saving my life.”

The man just grinned, “happy to help an intergalactic hero.”

Adam awkwardly waved a hand, but inside he was more than relieved to have found someone who actually believed him. The man seemed pretty trustworthy compared to the others, and he wondered what kind of crime the man could have commuted to get himself into this sort of mess. He didn’t exactly seem like the type to be involved in overtly violent crime. Perhaps he was here on accident, just like Adam himself.

“I had actually been meaning to approach you earlier, but you got snagged up by the guys in the yard so fast, I didn’t really have the time.”

“And you weren't?” he wondered

The man shook his head, “No, I was a late night transfer. No one was here when I showed up, so I was able to fly under the radar. I don’t leave my cell all that much accept for meals, and they generally tend to ignore me.”

“That sounds nice.”

“It is, but it is also nice to have a little company every now and again. And the company of someone like you is even better. Someone who isn’t actually a violent criminal.”

“Than what are you here for if not violent crime.”

The man waved a hand, “Just something stupid. More of a misunderstanding really. Personally I think it was no big deal, but it really bothered some important people,and I ended up here. I Think they hope that I am going to rot here and be forgotten, but I don’t plan on that happening. I plan on serving my time, getting out and going back to my old life as it was.”

“That sounds nice, I would give pretty much anything to be back to my ship.” he sighed and leaned back against the concrete wall, “if I am being honest, It is nice to be around someone who isn’t totally nuts.”

“Personally, I think we should make this a habit.”

“Alright, I can agree to that…. What’s your name by the way?”

“Ted, Ted Gacey.” The two men shook hands, a pleasure to meet you.

The days turned into weeks and the weeks were dangerously close to turning into months. He had narrowly dodged a few more conflicts with the Drev, and the Boss had taken to sending him around with bodyguards as a show of force. That made slipping away to have privacy kind of difficult, but he had managed it meeting with his new friend on occasion to play cards in the other man’s single-bed cramped cell. It seemed as if the two of them had a lot in common, or at least enough. They had the same idea with current intergalactic politics, they had some of the same hobbies, and tended to agree with each other on more social issues.

It was a nice breath of fresh air.

Adam had even introduced krill to his new friend. Krill had been wary of the man from the beginning, but to be fair he was wary of pretty much everyone, and the Commander could hardly blame him. This was a prison after all, and most of the people who were here, were here for a reason, reasons they tended to make plainly obvious through their actions.

Despite being safeguarded from the Drev by other humans, he still wasn’t safe. On more than one occasion he had narrowly dodged some sort of altercation with one of the humans in the party. Generally it was over the asking price of a tattoo, which was based on yard currency in cigarettes and pills. Generally he ended up just handing them over to avoid an altercation. The issue with that is it meant some people knew they could squeeze him for his cash, and often came back to do so. He didn’t want to tell the boss for fear of being labeled a snitch, which was a pretty big insult in the yard, so he made sure to keep his earnings off his person at all times, and often lied to the guys when they came looking telling them that he had lost his currency to another guy with the same idea.

He wasnt looking forward to the day when the lying would catch up with him, but so was his current life. Of course there was also the occasional issue regarding his issue in holding his tongue, and he had ended up accidentally insulting someone on more than one occasion. He had been punched at least twice in the intervening months, but he supposed it could have been worse. He hadn’t broken his nose and both eye sockets were still in tact, so it could have been worse.

His third Issue came from Krill himself. While the little alien was mostly to fearful to do anything other than what he was ordered to do, he had an unfortunate sarcastic streak, which got him into trouble on occasion. Adam was forced to either talk the guys down, or turn the wrath away from his friend often resulting in a drop in pay, some sort of bargain or taking a hit. He was getting pretty sick and tired of it.

If he was being totally honest with himself, he had a relatively low pain threshold. He didn’t like getting kicked around. He wanted out of this place so badly, but the longer the days dragged on, the less hope he had. It was only a matter of time until something truly horrible happened, and there would be no way for him to stop it. How much was he willing to deal with?

He woke up as the hand clamped over his mouth. His eyes shot open, but his scream was muffled as the heavy, slick palm pressed into his face. He trashed against hands that held him down, but they were too strong. In groggy horror and fear he realized this was it, this was the end.

The event he had been waiting for.

The hand tightened, “Stop struggling, and shut up for a minute.” The voice hissed.

He grew very still breathing heavy, ragged breaths through his nose heart hammering eyes prickling with moisture brought on by total fear.

“It’s just me Steel, the boss. Now, I am going to remove my hand, and you are going to be silent.” A hint of relief, and he nodded his head as the hand was removed. He took a clear cleansing air of the musty cell and sat up.

The boss knelt next to his bed with krill hovering nervously behind him.

He rubbed his eyes, “What’s going on?” Adam asked groggily

The man held a finger to his lips “The boys and I just got word of someone on this block that has a less than stellar record.” Adam didn’t bother to point out the irony as the man continued, “This will be your chance to prove your loyalty to the yard kid. In the morning, we are going to fuck this son of a bitch up.”

Adam rubbed the back of his head nervously, “What…. What did he do.”

“Why don’t you take a look for yourself.” the man whispered, passing over a tiny screen showing the man’s incarceration records. As he read, Adam’s stomach twisted and hisirst reaction was one of visceral anger and an incomprehensible burning hatred. He tried to choke it back disgusted with his own feelings, but they kept coming back…. Images of his fists bloody with someone else’s blood.

The Boss chuckled darkly, “Thought you might have that reaction. You know how I feel about people who hurt kids.”

Adam wiped his mouth feeling nauseous pushing the screen back towards the boss

“So when you say, fuck him up.”

“I mean, we’re gonna kill him.”

Adam was suddenly struck with the most uncomfortable sensation in his entire life, a horrible sinking twisting feeling in the pit of his stomach negated and confused by the ravenous anger and glee that he felt at the idea. The feeling was horrible wrenching him in two different directions. One spoke with the voice of his mother and urged him to take the high road. It wasn’t his job to take care of these sort of problems, it was never okay to hurt people that is what the law was for, but another part of him disagreed. This was a lawless planet, and the law was broken besides it didn’t matter after reading that report he knew for certain that the an deserved worse than death, so really killing him was a mercy.

The nausea grew worse the more he thought. He was stuck inside a living nightmare. He couldn’t make a decision like this. Either way he would never be able to live with himself. If he chose to go along with he prisoners, he would be partially responsible for a murder, but if he didn’t he would, in essence, be siding with a monster.

The boss glowered at him with his dark, beady eyes, “You aren't going to chicken out on us are you? You know what this guy did. Not going to side with him are you because if you don’t help us ...”

He let the threat hang on the dark air of the cell. Adam felt his heart sinking even further, and now if he didn’t help murder someone he would be taking the side of the monster, and everyone would blame him for it. Who knows what would happen to him after that. He glanced over at Krill who could only look on at him in pity. He probably had no idea the internal struggle he was having right now, but it hardly mattered. Krill knew that this wasn’t going to be good.

“Who is this guy….” Adam wondered, “Someone we know?”

The man scrolled down on the report, “The guy’s name is Ted, seems to have managed to fly under the radar since getting here.”

Adam felt his heart go cold.

No no no no please no.

The screen turned to face him, and his stomach dropped into the very void itself. He knew that face, he knew that face as a friend, someone he liked, someone he had confided in, someone he had respected, someone he assumed had been innocent. He had played cards with him bemoaned their current living situation. The man had told him his crime was ‘no big deal. He felt nauseous and angry all over again. How could he help kill someone he had liked. How could he even feel remorse for a lying sack of shit that DESERVED to die. Why did he feel bad for WANTING to choke the life out of that man.

The competing emotions made him sick for real. His stomach churned.

The boss patted him on the back, “I know as a matter of course that the guy comes out once a day to eat. Tomorrow at noon, we strike. Made a truce with the bats and the beetles to get in the way of the guards so we can finish the job.”

“But… you hate the Drev.” he whispered his voice choked.

“I do, but I hate this guy even more.” He stood stretching, “I will leave you to a good night’s rest, Steel. Make sure you have your strength for tomorrow.” He got up and left as silently as he had come. Krill remained floating at the side of the cell. Commander Vir remained paralyzed where he sat. Conversations flashed through his head, he remember the man’s face, and couldn’t help his imagination as he wondered how those kids felt. Then his imaginings grew violent. He felt tendons squeeze and pop below his hands as he choked the life out of that man.

He lurched violently from his bed bracing himself with one hand against the wall as he hovered over the toilet. Behind him, his cellmate shifted in his sleep. His mouth watered as it tends to right before one loses their lunch. He squeezed his eyes shut. His skin crawled as he remembered every time that man had touched him, thought about where those hands had been and what they had done.

Saliva dripped in silver strings from his mouth. His stomach clenched. He dry heaved once, but nothing came up, and it didn’t even give him the courtesy of happening fading enough so he stood back up wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Krill stood worriedly next to him as he sunk down to the floor next to the shiny silver bowl face in his hands

“What are you going to do?” krill whispered.

“I… I don’t know.” he gripped his hair in both fists still nauseous feeling sick and disgusting wishing that he could scrub off the first layer of his skin. Wishing that he had never ended up in this hell hole, “You only have one option….. You have to do it…” Krill’s voice was regretful but clearly resigned.

He dragged his fingers down his face, “I ...I can’t. It wouldn’t be right.” His stomach churned.

Krill stared at him in confusion sensing a but.

“But…. I want to…. Krill he he LIED to me, and he…. The things he’s done.” he shook his head as a flash of inhuman or perhaps superhuman anger rushed through him, “he deserves to DIE!” Krill took a step back from him in surprise. The anger faded again to a dep profound sickness, “Krill I… I don’t know what to do. Killing people it isn’t right, hurting people isn’t right, no matter how much I want to do it…… and i want to do it Krill. I've never wanted anything so bad before. I it scares me.” His voice dropped to a whisper.

Krill rested one of his appendages on the man’s shoulder face buried back in his hands, “I don’t entirely understand.”

He looked up agonized green eye caught in the dim light of the cell, “I…. he deserves to die Krill…. After reading that. I want nothing more than to kill him. That’s the most monstrous inhuman horrible thing that a person can do, and every…. Every fiber of my being want to hurt him, wants to make him suffer.” His voice hissed through his teeth with the strength of his anger before churning downwards, “But ... but I’m supposed to be better than that, Krill. Commander of the UNSC I am an upholder of the law, I i cant stoop to beating people to death. I can't do this. If I did this I would just prove I’m not worthy to hold the position, and I would disappoint everyone who has ever known me I’d disappoint myself. Id become one of them.” He glanced towards the door, “Thi issue is supposed to be something for the law.” He tugged at his hair in frustration, “But the law here is so twisted….. Krill I…. I don’t know what to do.”

Krlil Could only stand and watch helpless as the human struggled internally. Krill himself understood what was logical. The idea of a moral right and wrong was not something he could entirely comprehend. Things either made sense, or they didn’t and right now following rule of the gang was the only thing that made sense. The guy deserved it, the commander wanted too, and he would be punished if he didn’t, so there seemed to be only one logical course of action.

But then again, the man had always had a strong ‘moral compass’ and it could potentially cause some severe psychological damage if he did…. Something that other species would never have to deal with. Either way he would lose.

Krill tried to comfort his friend, but paranoia made him return to his cell for fear of retribution leaving Commander Vir alone in the dark curled in a ball head in hands wishing more than anything that he could be anywhere else than struggling with his own indecision. The gut most human part of him leading to violence while the higher part of him told him it was wrong.

He didn’t sleep that night.

The star rose on an unsuspecting landscape. The prison doors opened with a buzz and prisoners staggered rubbing their eyes groggily as they moved out into the hall. Commander Vir stepped from his room like a zombie eyes red face pale, only to be greeted by the other members of the crew who shared wolfish, knowing looks.

He didn’t have the stomach for breakfast, and sat, staring down the hall with a hammering heart. The hours ticked on bringing him closer and closer to a decision.

His heart ached.

Sitting out in the yard, head bowed face down, he still hadn’t come to a decision. He could hear the other humans muttering around him with anticipation for what was to come. He wished the guards would take notice of the strange behavior and act on it. They had to know something was up, with the prisoners sitting around doing nothing, looking hungrily towards the mess hall doors like a pack of ravening animals.

He didn’t want any part of this.

He had never thought in a million years that he would have to make this sort of decision, and what was worse, he hated how he felt. He wanted nothing more than to watch this guy get what was coming to him.

If he really was a good person, if he really cared, wouldn’t he tell someone?

There was a sharp whistle, and all the men on the yard stood eagerly from their seats and headed towards the doors. His heart sank into his chest, and he stood but had trouble making himself move. A hand clamped about hi shoulder from behind, and he was shoved towards the open doors, “Don’t chicken out on us now Steel.” Smiley whispered from behind.

He was pushed through the door sitting down at a table slightly away from the others. He had ordered Krill off to his cell for the duration of what was about to happen. He didn’t want the little alien to have to see what was about to happen. If he could have, he would have made it so that HE didn’t have to see what was going on.

He didn’t see how the guards couldn’t sense what was about to happen. The tension in the air was palpable and could have been hacked through with a dull knife. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, hoping that the man would not come through those doors. Perhaps he would stay in his cell today, and no one would be the wiser. Perhaps someone would come and find him before this was all said and done, and he wouldn’t have to hear about it.

He tried to fight back those thoughts, the thoughts of a coward. Just because he wasn’t here didn’t mean that he should ignore it. He couldn't’ just wash his hands of the situation

He SHOULD get up and tell the guards what was going to happen and consequences be damned.

But another part of him, a secret dark part of him….. Refused to bring himself to do it. That man knew what he did. He had made the decisions that brought him here, he had done something unforgivable and disgusting, and now he deserved to get what was coming to him, it was only fair after all the things he had done. It wasn’t Adam’s responsibility to go out of his way to help a man who deserved nothing better than death. In fact, death was to easy of a punishment in his opinion.

There were just some things that were unforgivable.

He felt, rather than saw when the man entered. He sensed it on the tensing of the air. Even the Drev had chosen to make themselves scarce retreating to their cells or the catwalks high above to watch what was about to happen. It seemed as if only the guards didn’t know. Or perhaps they did, and they didn’t care.

He sat hunched over his trey praying, and felt his heart tighten when a shadow darkened the seat across from him.

He couldn’t bare to look up.

“Good morning, Commander. I missed your company this morning.” The sound of the man’s voice made his skin crawl. His heart began to race and he felt a sudden overwhelming burst of white hot hatred. The feeling scared him, and he tried his best to choke it down, but it wouldn’t go. Sensing the man there, hearing his sniveling voice and thinking about the times they had made contact with each other. Handing over a card or even shaking hands.

It made him sick, and angry.

He made no noise.

“Is everything alright.” The man wondered.

Another shadow crossed over his back. He could feel them gathering behind him. The man before him went silent head tilted back to look upwards at the looming figures beginning to gather around the table.

A hand landed on the Commander’s shoulder, “Steel…. This…. A friend of yours.” the voice was cold and hard.

There was a long silence.

“I don’t want any trouble.”

The hand on his shoulder squeezed, “Steel.”

Commander Vir lifted his eyes from the table, making contact with the pleading expression of the man across the table. His watery grey eyes, his unassuming appearance, his receding mousy hairline. He looked like your average middle-aged man…. No, he was a monster wearing the skin of an average middle aged man.

Commander Vir felt as if he was watching himself in third person over his own shoulder. The boyish, wide eyed, honorable side of him was violently beaten down and dragged into a closet as something worse appeared materialized from the darkness in his head. The natural man took the controls cold and hard empty emotionless a creature of self satisfaction, the Id, the part of him that wanted nothing more than immediate reward, sadistic, hateful, envious, and carnal.

It had no mercy.

And it was as if from the opposite side of the glass he heard himself say.

“No….. he’s no friend of mine.”

And like his words had been the damn that held back hell, the hounds were released, and a moment later the room was filled with the uproar of screaming voices and cries of horrific animalistic agony.

Adam was pushed to the side, and the table at which he sat was overturned as a riot of men threw themselves past him. He hit the floor and rolled to the side coming to land in a crouch just to the right of the overturned table. The room echoed and clattered.

Screams of absolute agony cut through the air. Sirens blared red and bloody painting the walls in a hellish light.

Something cracked.

Screaming.

He crouches watching a writing mass of bodies, a horrific amalgamation of man’s worst instincts piled together in a many legged many armed creatures. Hands raised and plunged downwards violently, repeatedly. Blood painted the floor like a Jackson Pollock painting done in red. The screaming grew until it was no longer human, a guttural animalistic wale that rent the very air around them.

They were tearing him apart.

Adam felt the corner of his mouth twist in grim satisfaction, and then immediately snapped back to reality choked with disgust and horror. Rooted to the spot doing NOTHING watching a man being murdered before his eyes, and yet...

In the midst of it all, he couldn’t bring himself to intervene.

A hand grabbed him by the shoulder shoving him forward, “GET IN THERE.” The boss growled hand coming away covered in blood. A small part of himself, that animal from earlier snarled at the door to his cage.

A part of him wanted more than anything to join in.

Watched in satisfaction as he got what was coming to him. He relished the poetic justice of it all, while at the same time feeling disgust at himself. The world around him seemed to flow in slow motion. Small droplets of blood leaped into the air where they caught the light before falling back to earth. Something else cracked.

He felt his heart jumped with a sick excitement.

“No.” he whispered

The world lost all sound. The screaming faded and died. The boss cut around to look down at him, “What.”

“I said, no.” he whispered again.

A body skidded past them on the floor ragged, torn.

Eyes narrowed, anger flared in the depth of two black pupils. He rose in Adam’s vision, “You would side with the FREAK!” “I side with NO ONE .” Adam spat.

The man stared at him, a once, predatory friendliness turned to ice, “You will wish you had never been born.” but he had more immediate matters to attend to, turning and joining the climax of the fight. Adam remained rooted to the spot sick horrified as bone snapped, and the body went silent and limp.

They didn’t stop there….. They kept going on and on and on as Commander Vir stood on and watched. The tables had all been overturned, blood painted the floor in wide arcs. And there he stood doing nothing, neither joining or helping. Holding back like a coward, like some kind of sadistic animal looking on like an unfeeling king watches an execution, watches men women and children hang from a rope. The men pulled away from the bloody husk twisted and broken on the ground, and at that moment Adam Vir was hit with a sense of horror and self loathing he couldn’t have comprehended even ten minutes before. The bloodied corpse grew up in his vision until it filled his head, dead staring eyes boring into his soul, a snapshot that would remain with him forever.

A man he had condemned to death with his actions and his words.

He was a sick twisted bastard.

And he had allowed a man to die…. Had encouraged it with his innaction, had wanted it. And deep down, he had relished it in a deep sick part of his mind he felt no remorse.

He was glad the sick fuck was gone.

Perhaps that’s why he stayed, he could have run knowing what was coming, but he didn’t deserve to run. He didn’t deserve to fight back. He didn’t even close his eyes as the circle closed in around him, men covered in blood like a pack of hyenas feeding on carrion returning to finish off a wounded prey animal.

The boss stopped a few feet in front of him, body painted with the world’s most horrific body paint, “Now that we’ve gotten rid of one sick fuck, we now have to get rid of the sympathizers.”

He saw the first coming, could have dodged…. But he didn’t.

HE was hauled to his feet by smiley jerked off his feet by the front of his jumpsuit. Hoisted into the air so that his toes were dangling inches from the ground. Lights grew up in his eyes as he stared upwards watching the balconies and the surrounding Drev staring down at him like the council at his trial their expressions uncaring…. Even pleased.

“You had your orders.” The man spat. “And you stood there like a coward.”

Adam locked eyes with the man, “You;re right.” He said simply

The first punch was a kidney shot and had him on the ground writhing in agony within the first few seconds. It was hard to remember what happened next. The boot to the face, kicked in the side, the chest ribs. He was punched in the head, it was all a blur of faces all anger and malice. People who had once considered him a friend now drove their bodies against him in a frenzy that painted his blood across the floor with that of a deadman.

The latch to his prosthetic snapped. Metal was ripped away from his body.

He screamed once, was kicked in the stomach and choked on his own missing air. But he didn’t fight them, he didn’t deserve to fight them.

He curled up into a ball forearms covering his face and despite the pain and the agony, he refused to pass out. He didn't deserve that. Inside his head visions of that bloody…. Thing repeated over and over and over again

Voices swelled up around him, yelling and barking. Men cried out in pain, and with one last kick to his thigh, he was left lying in a pool of his own blood face resting against the cold concrete/ Voices rose above him, grabbing him about the arms and dragging him away. He heard the voices of the guards, watched the lights overhead pass over him in sharp streaks. Something warm trickled down the side of his face. Spilled onto the floor to be smeared into the concrete.

A door opened, and he was thrown inside.

A concrete room with no windows, a steel door, no bed and a hole in the far corner.

In tremendous pain, the man pulled himself sitting back on his knees and stared down at his hands covered in congealing blood once steady. As he watched they began to shake uncontrollably. He hunched forward hands to his chest face contorted into an expression of pain, and agony, not from the wounds, ot from the pain, but from the realization of what he had done.

A sob escaped him, and he didn’t try to fight it. His body ached with horrific pain with every racking sob. Tears tracked pathways through the blood on his face and fell to the ground a delicate pink.

What had he done?

He had sat there, and he had watched a man brutally murdered. And he had done nothing about it….. A part of him had even enjoyed it.

He watched in turmoil as the picture he had crafted of himself shattered into a million pieces and cascaded around him to the floor. The upstanding, moral man who always did what he knew was right, who was taught by loving parents to take the high road, who modeled himself after superheroes, action heroes, and his own idols. Someone who protected the innocent, upheld the weak and righted the unjust…. Was nothing more than a paper man.

A sham.

A fake.

A lie.

He sobbed into his hands which morphed into screams with the sobs were no longer enough to express his self loathing. What kind of man was he, couldn't even stand by his actions once they were made weeping like a pathetic child.

He lay, cold on the floor for hours and hours staring at the far wall listening to the distant echoes of the prison. As he calmed he took stock of himself swept up the pieces so that he was all together despite being broken.

Though he wished it had never happened, he could change nothing now. He had done what he had done. The ends didn’t justify the means, and just because he hadn’t done anything didn’t mean blood wasn’t on his hands. How could he know what was right do you save a monster because it's morally right, or stand by and watch a monster die because that’s what it really deserves. What gave him the right to make that decision.

He lay there for what must have been hours but could have been days his skin growing sticky and then crusted with drying blood. The door to his cell opened, “Get up.” When he couldn’t do it on his own, he was hauled to his feet by one of the guards. Together they walked, and hopped, back down the halls and onto the yard. The entire room was quiet as they stared at him.

He couldn't have cared less that they could see him in such a sorry state, what did it matter now. The paper man had crumbled, they might as well see it. He was left sagging on one leg in the center of the room, and he didn’t bother to move. The men got to their feet glowering down at him with a mixture of expressions. Time moved around him as if at double speed

A figure scuttled towards him from the darkness, and to his surprise, krill took his hand.

He had never done anything like that before.

He looked down.

And the alien looked up at him, though he said nothing.

The room grew tighter, men approached from all sides, “Krill, you should go.” His slurred through swollen, painful lips.

“No Commander.” krill responded

The guard withdrew, and the room shifted forward. This time he did close his eyes. It was one thing to see another man die, but to watch Krill caught up in this was to much. He tried to urge the little alien away once more, but he refused, wrapping his spidery arms around his human friend all too sure that he was going to die here.

But if that was the case, he would not let his human die alone and suffering.

Adam leaned his head against Krill eyes tight shut.

“It’s going to be ok.” The alien muttered

Adam felt a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.How very human….

Empty platitudes.

The little alien had learned a lot.

A shadow cut past them. He lowered his head.

And the room was split in half by a Drev battle cry so powerful that it rattled the walls and the floors. The man above them staggered back hands over his ears. The catwalks clattered, and the ground shook. Adam opened his eyes lifting them towards the sky, not expecting to find an angel, but getting one in bright blue.

Sunny stood on the catwalk above face contorted with a livid anger that cowed guards, drev and humans alike, “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.” She snarled at the human standing next to her, turning and shoving Drev two to three feet taller than her out of the way with the ease a bowling ball goes through pins.

The human scampered after her, “We… we had no idea.”

Sunny rounded on here, “DID YOU EVEN BOTHER TO FIND OUT.” Behind her, a member of the UN and the chairwoman of the GA stepped through the doors faces shocked and appalled as they looked about the room and the conditions in which the prisoners were being kept.

Sunny came to to toe with the leader of the Drev yard. At first the large female didn’t move, but a single look from sunny cowed her into groveling submission as sunny shoved past and marched down the stairs. She nearly body checked one of the prisoners over the railing and onto the floor fifteen feet beneath when he did not move fast enough.

Leaving the Chairwoman and the representative above, Sunny raced across the floor and skidding to kneel at Adam’s side. He lifted his head to look at her dried blood cracking against the movement.

A look of pain crossed her face, and a single hand gently cupped the side of his face tilting it this way and that, “Oh Adam, what have they done.” She whispered

The light above him grew very very bright filling his vision with light, “I’m a paper man,” He whispered, but that was all he could say body slumping into her arms. A murmur grew up around the room.

Sunny hugged the human against her chest.

“Commander!.” Two voices from above, and two marines came leaping down the stairs heedless of their uniforms.. Ramirez and the short, blond hair female marine ‘Maverick’.

“The hell did they do to you.” The Maverick snarled glowering at the other prisoners standing quietly back in a wide circle.

Their discussion was interrupted as the warden stepped onto the catwalk, ‘I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHO YOU ARE; YOU HAVE NO JURISDICTION HERE!” “THE HELL WE DON’T.” The UN rep snapped, “By GA law, any HUMAN allowed off earth or mars remains under the jurisdiction of the UNSC in accordance with the first intercelestial peace accord put forth by the GA in 4018. Furthermore all Tesraki Drev and Rundi subjects are bound by GA bylaw, so YES we have jurisdiction, and we have allowed this to continue long enough. FURTHERMORE.” he said speaking up over the protests of the warden, “You have violated at LEAST 50 intergalactic bylaws, and amendments. What is this 2001, we know what humanity is by now AT LEAST. Not to mention that we show up here and find one of our Commanding officers kneeling in a pool of his own blood, only to learn that you didn’t even bother to verify his identity.”

“He had no prints in the system.” The man snarled

“ONE PHONE CALL. JUST ONE PHONE CALL. And that is not even TOUCHING on his right to counsel, or a fair trial. We don’t just THROW people in prison based on circumstantial evidence. He was sent here to get down to the problem of intergalactic hormone trade only to be beaten half to death by men no better than animals in a prison, the likes of which we haven't seen since the late 2000s. You sir are a DISGRACE to the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE.” Commander Vir was only half listening idly staring at the lights as someone wiped blood from his face.

“Get him up.”

Someone ducked under one of his arms and he was hauled to his feet. He tried his best to keep one leg under him, but was finding he wasn’t a great amount of help. Maverick supported his one side, while sunny took the other. Ramirez, based on a look, made it very clear what would happen if any of them tried anything grabbing krill by the hand and pulling him along.

It all felt like a dream as the steel catwalk passed below him, and the doors slid open. The prison faded behind him into a maze of hallways.

He was out, he was free.

…. He was finally……

Free.

401 notes · View notes