#and by fix him i mean give his brain a factory reset

[spnfanficpond]

August 2023 Angel Fish Awards!

(Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words. (Click here to learn more about how to nominate a fic for an award!)

Nominated by Anonymous

Tangled Fates by @outofnowhere82

Nominated by @katbratsupernaturalwhore

Factory Reset by @talltalesandbedtimestories

The build up, the sass, the care she took, the pegging, the focus on description, the deliciousness... Mmmm I wanna eat him up!

Love; For the First Time by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

Adorable first time fic. Good build, sweet and fluffy and steamy!

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

An Imagined Life by @imagineteamfreewill

This is the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff AND IT HAS IKEA!!! I mean, I couldn't ask for anything more!! *heart eyes forever*

I'm So Sorry, Sammy by @bobwess

(AO3 link) ANGST!!! So much angst, man. Y'all know I love John Winchester, but even I can acknowledge he was not a great dad. Usually, I avoid fics with the "John's A+ parenting" tags because I have very strict ideas about his incompetence as a father. This story really shows a way that I can see in canon John would be especially crappy as a dad. No pairing, just a seriously angtsy genfic showing teenage Sam being a BAMF and Dean's heart breaking. (Sort of happy ending, though! You know me. lol)

Nominated by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

Why I Do It by @kazsrm67

This drabble and it's companion piece (from Dean's POV) is short and incredibly sweet. It's a lovely little slice of life for the boys and the reader. I always love when we get to see Dean happy, and he is, in this fluffy piece. Happy, loved and taken care of - us Dean girls can't ask for more. A highly enjoyable read!

Nominated by @glygriffe

Imperfections by @thewritingspot /@troize

Seeing Lucifer in another light, as an insecure middle child in a big family fired my brain cells! And of course, Gabriel being himself even as a kid. (And also: Art!!!)

Never Say Goodbye by @zepskies

It's a soulmate AU series, but it's also a reader insert that stays close to canon. Sweet and angsty and smutty... A little bit of everything all rolled into one satisfying story.

Untitled ask prompt by @sugaraddictarchangels

This ficlet is the only Jess!Lucifer representation I've ever seen and it's so refreshing to see early seasons' Lucifer under that light!

Nominated by @heavenssexiestangel

Between the Three by @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell

This fic was written for me in all senses of the word, and I love how she characterized Arthur, Mick, and Dean and the different ways they react to being parents-to-be. Of course, the smut is great, but I also love how they clearly all love each other and want to be a family.

The Great 'Nah-Duh' of Dean Winchester by @ladyknightskye

I love this fic because it gave me Gadreel/Dean without having to write it myself, and also because it's well written and I love how soft Gadreel is... And the fact Dean has his Bisexual Awakening with him? LMAO!

Nominated by @iprobablyshipit91

Never Say Goodbye (series) by @zepskies

I’m an absolute sucker for soulmate AUs and this one was amazing. The reader and Dean's relationship was built beautifully and I loved how the ending ‘fixed’ things!

Baby Spoon (series) by @deanwanddamons

This really made me feel so many emotions. Seeing Dean so happy and having the relationship he deserves made me so happy despite everything.

The Prettiest One by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

This was literally so adorable and made me laugh so much. It’s such a good one to go back to and read over again.

Carry On (series) by @jawritter

This was just the perfect fix-it fic we all needed after *that* ending. It wasn’t rushed and it by no means sugar-coated what happened. There are some real struggles and a lot for both the reader and Dean to overcome but it’s damn worth it!

Pack (series) by @spnexploration

This is a story I’ve definitely gone back and reread a few times and it’s so close to the end, I can’t wait to see the final chapters. Overprotective Dean is always perfect but I really enjoy the pack dynamics in this and Maddie is a brilliant addition!

Heart of a Hunter Saga (series) by @muchamusedaboutnothing

Where to even start with this, every single stand-alone story in this saga is excellent in its own right and combined together this whole story is amazing. I love Dean and the reader's relationship and how they’ve managed to carve out a family life that works for them. Brilliant!

Baby, We’ve got a Problem (series) by @deanwritings

I love the unique concept of this, Baby getting turned human, and the implications this has particularly for Deans's relationship. I’ve read it a few times as it’s so easy to go back to and enjoyable to read.

Always You and Me by @deanwinchesterswitch

I just loved this story and how it built up. The dialogue is hilarious and while I did guess what was happening, it in no way detracted from how awesome this story is.

Hold On I’m Coming (series) by @ravengirl94

This was one of the first firefighter Dean fics I read and I loved it. The relationship the two of them have and the twists and turns are just perfect.

Captives of the Court by @impala-dreamer

This story instantly got my attention. I loved the way the story moved between what was happening now and what had happened to lead up to that point and how everything came together at the end. Amazing story.

The One That Got Away (series) by @pink-sparkly-witch

This story just hits you in the feels. It’s not finished but I’m so in love with Dean and the reader already and can’t wait to see how their relationship progresses!

Midnight Espresso / Devour Me (series)by @zepskies

There was something so sweet about these two stories that I instantly fell in love with the reader and dean in this. I connected with the plus-sized reader but Dean is so sweet and adorable. I just loved it.

Collared (series) by @spnexploration

I’ve been reading this story from pretty much when it started being posted and I’ve loved every second, I’m so excited and sad that it’s ending. It’s an amazing story full of protective Dean which I live for and it’s just perfect.

The Last Call by @kasimagines

I could have nominated so many of Kasimagines' stories but there’s something about this one that just really hits me and I’ve read it so many times. The loyalty Dean shows despite the years is beautiful and the effect John has on them all is heartbreaking.

Dream On (series) by @talesmaniac89

There’s something about this fic that I just absolutely love. It’s a comfort fic I’ve gone back and read so many times. Dean's overprotectiveness and worry and concern for the reader is just adorable.

Miscommunication (series) by @winchest09

This is another story I’ve read so many times. I love the story and the British reader really resonates with me being from the UK! I love the confusion between the same words meaning different things to British vs American, it makes for some interesting conversations!

If You Want It To Be (series) by @zepskies

This got me feeling so Christmassy in July! It was just such a lovely heart warming story, I adored it.

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

House of the Rising Sun by @kittenofdoomage

MAFIA AU!!!! This has been a joy to read for the first time and it's always a joy to reread!!!

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

The Hero Always Gets A Kiss by @fandomoniumflurry

I’m a sucker for ChesterVelle, heroes, and kissing. This is one of my old faves I like to re-read every once in a while.

No Title by @stusbunker

This is sooooo Sam, and it's sooooo swoony and real. It's fucking electric.

Factory Reset by @talltalesandbedtimestories

This is so. well. written. So sexy. So good for Dean. He deserves this so much. This writer did their research but this doesn't read like a manual. It's thorough and intimate and exactly what Dean should have every day — someone taking care of him.

No Title by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

For the love of god, he’s just Like This, isn’t he? Like always. In canon, in headcanon, in fic — ALWAYS. And I love the way this writer objectifies him.

Nominated by @inenochian

Restless Wanderer by intothesilentland (AO3 only)

This story is such a beautiful soft romance set in 19th C Cornwall. Beautiful portrayal of Dean and Cas!

Nominated by @salt-n-burn-em-all

The Talismen series by Lochinvar (AO3 only)

Gives us insight into people who helped the boys grow up into the men they became. Not always Hunters, more like strangers who sometimes didn’t know exactly how much they helped until years later, if ever.

Nominated by @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes

Hunter’s Throne (series) by @ladyknightskye

It’s such a beautiful story and I love the angel-human lore. It’s so complimentary to each other and that bond is just so Cas and Dean. They have got to talk. It’s part of what’s we readers love about them because once they do, it only gets better and fluffy! I loved it so much I posted about it on my blog to advertise it because it is worth the read and keeps to the essence of the show.

THANK YOU ALL, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

- From your Admins and Manta Rays, @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @princessmisery666, @thoughtslikeaminefield, @katbratsupernaturalwhore, and @heavenssexiestangel!

[churchyardgrim]

TALES OF RAVENLOFT by various authors

[intro post]

hi! hello! it's been a while! the holidays happened, i lost most of my reading time for a bit, u know how it goes

but we got a short story collection this round! isn't that fun

there's uhhhhhh eighteen of em in here, only three of which are really worth reading. it's about par for the series honestly, a bell curve of mostly inoffensive and mildly interesting, with a few at the extremes of Very Fuckign Good and Don't Even Bother

in the middle of that bell curve we've got Three Good Reasons Not To Gamble In Sithicus, a rather sad story about a dude rescuing a baby from a banshee, and noted vampire hunter Rudolph van Richten's origin story, of all things. decent stuff, worth a read if you're in a forgiving mood.

on the Don't Even Bother side there's the usual dose of ableism and poor writing endemic to the series, with a disfigured hermit getting hunted by a headless horseman, something about a panther that got polymorphed into a man and then into a vampire? and some morality tale about how excessive judiciousness leads to a law system that revolves around amputations or some shit, idk

but, BUT, in a perfect microcosm of the Ravenloft series as a whole, there are a few gems that make the slog worth it.

the first of my two favorites is by Roger E. Moore, and concerns Lord Wilfred Godefroy, an utter bastard! i gotta say Mr Moore understood the assignment, this vignette is all about cycles on cycles on cycles, wheels of thought and action and the environment and its inhabitants forever returning to previous states

in short, the essence of a ghost story

the true horror here is an abusive, powerful man, and lemme tell you it is satisfying to watch the control he thinks he has slip away as he realizes just how trapped he is by his crimes. for once i won't spoil it, bc i think it's best if you see the shadow of the twist emerge in its own time, and trust me when i say it's worth it.

and i was all set to declare Godefroy's my favorite, but then i saw my good good friend P.N. Elrod listed down the line and knew in my bones that there'd be no contest

and because the publisher at the very least know what they have, the joy that is Ms Elrod is saved for the very back of the book, like your grandma's world-famous dessert pie that's the only reason half the family sat through the criminally dry turkey and Acceptable green bean casserole 

one of the many things i can never get enough of with Elrod's Strahd is how animals just fucken love the guy. bats swarm him like bluebirds to a disney princess! he's the favorite person of every wolf in twenty miles! it's adorable and precious and i want a full novel of nothing but this.

also it's never not hilarious watching him pretend to be his own lieutenant at people. i wonder if he disguises himself at all or if he just doesn't bother and relies on ppl not looking too closely at his own face stamped on the coins?

anyway in this delightful little tale The Devil Strahd, The Ancient, The Land, saves a little girl from a well in a burning town, complains about how hard it is for honest tyrants to run a country without bandit interference, and genuinely frolicks with some wolves

and, also… did you know that in older editions of dnd, the fireball spell had specific rules for how it behaved in space, expanding to fill enclosed spaces volumetrically instead of stopping short at a 20ft radius? you know, like real world explosions do?

and did you know what the fatality rate was for wizards who neglected to do the math on that particular property?

that fatality rate almost includes One (1) Strahd, in case you were wondering

if anyone feels inclined to track this one down with the intent of only reading the good ones, i'd be happy to give more detailed ratings/content warnings of the whole roster. but honestly, i'd recommend this collection even if the only thing you read is the last vignette, bc everyone needs to read about Strahd nearly blowing himself up on accident. it's good for the soul.

[3wisellamas]

More Boxbot / Voxman Family Headcanons, Jumbo Bonus Edition!

Because I'm still here, dangit!

-Shannon's holographic "phone" is an actual thing that people in the OK KO universe have, but usually it comes built into a watch rather than their wrist. It's a super-expensive model, that she likes to show off to her siblings who are still stuck with regular smartphones.

-Since Ernesto is hollow, he likes to hide things from his siblings inside himself, and forgets about them. It's not an uncommon occurrence for him to split apart during a plaza fight only for confiscated magazines to spill out, or for the Bodegamen to explode him and have snacks fall out like a robot piñata.

-It's also the best hiding place for his diary. Which the Bodegamen always return to him at Boxmore, after reading it cover to cover (and even writing feedback in the margins) of course.

-ALL of the robots have issues sometimes with thinking out loud, and even blurting out embarrassing things or straight-up Boxmore corporate secrets -- the bigger the hivemind, the more likely this is to happen, with Darrell and Ernesto being the worst offenders. With hundreds of mouths to keep shut, sometimes they just miss one.

-Things the Boxbots are forbidden from eating/drinking, since they can melt, get stuck in their inner workings, or otherwise cause serious malfunctions: Marshmallows, chocolate, peanut butter, all varieties of cheese, WD-40, lit matches, dish soap, gummy worms, live worms (Raymond found this one out the hard way on a dare), live birds (ditto for Mikayla), glue, wet cement, broken glass, water.

-Things the Boxbots will eat/drink anyway, and just reboot themselves right after: All of the above.

-The main exception to this is the peanut butter -- Professor Venomous is allergic to peanuts, just like his son, and Boxman threw out everything in the factory containing them the day he moved in. The bots all miss their peanut butter and (petroleum) jelly sandwiches, but not enough to potentially hurt their stepdaddy!

-(They do still keep one last jar of the stuff hidden in their playroom, however, just in case. And so does Boxman, in his office.)

-Also, Mikayla doesn't care what it does to her, she LOVES chocolate -- it's her catnip.

-Mr Logic likes hip hop, and will actually get up on stage and freestyle sometimes when he and Gar go to open mic nights together. He's surprisingly good at it!

-Since he's just as embarrassed about his human feet as Shannon, if not more so, Darrell's got an extensive collection of cute patterned socks to cover them up, and wears a different pair underneath his boots every day that NO ONE is allowed to see but him. His favorite pair have tiny horses on them.

-The robots all wake up at 6AM, on the dot. They have to, in fact, since it's programmed into them -- they're physically incapable of sleeping in, though they can take short naps in the afternoon. They're also programmed to start feeling sleepy at 10PM, though their bedtime is a couple of hours earlier, and they are able to stay up if needed (for instance, if Boxman decides to do a late-night plaza attack...)

-And that line about having to "recharge every night" was accurate -- glorbs naturally replenish their spent energy when not in use, so the robots need to get a full nights' sleep every night or their glorbs could eventually burn out on them!

-Boxman also gets up at 6, or around there, because he MUST crow at the sunrise, every morning. Raymond sometimes joins him.

-Darrell gets migraines, a side effect of having to convert and process all of his electronic thoughts on an organic brain. There's an entire protocol to swap him out for Shannons and Raymonds on the factory floor so he can shut down his hivemind and rest -- however, it can be tough to get him to admit he's in pain and to stop trying to work through it. (He hates the idea of his family having to go through so much trouble for him...)

-When PV found out, as a fellow migraine sufferer, he and Darrell actually bonded over it, and he got a little less resistant to taking "sick days" with his stepdaddy's encouragement.

-After he was upgraded to a robo-adult, Ernesto started refusing to celebrate his birthday, so that the other three quadruplets could have it all to themselves. However, they'll always throw him a small surprise party of his own a week later.

-For their dad's birthday one year, the bots got him a pet goldfish, since he used to be so into aquatic creatures. Boxman ADORED that fish, even if he claimed otherwise, and gave it the prettiest tank decor and fanciest fishy flakes he could. However, sadly, it didn't last long, with the robots doing the cleaning and water changes for him -- fish and rust don't mix. ;-;

-Though it's INCREDIBLY humiliating for them, you can in fact plug all six of the bots into a wall outlet if there aren't any glorbs available for them to run off of. Except for Mikayla, their AC adaptors are sold separately.

-Fink keeps trying to flush cherry bombs down the Boxmore toilets, Bart Simpson-style. It helps that she can just escape down them into the pipes if she gets caught (though, she's also blown herself up this way once or twice...)

-Leggy Jethro did eventually trust all his siblings enough to let them know he was still around, and they helped hide him from Boxman, reattached his limbs, invited him to their dance parties (the one in The KO Trap was him), and even got him out of there when things started getting bad with Shadowy -- though, since all they did was shove him into a waste pipe during one of their stepdaddy's and stepbrother's rampages, they never were sure if he made it or not until he showed up with Boxman at the Plaza Tournament.

-Post-reset, he's allowed to openly be himself as a member of the family! No labor uprisings or union talk at the dinner table, though.

-This was originally posted by someone else, but I love it so I'm stealing it: "Deathro" from Thank You For Watching the Show is actually just Jethro's edgy robo-teen phase. It lasted only a week before everyone else got sick of it, just like Ernesto's.

-The Boxman family is Corn-tholic (Corn Catholic), though Boxman himself doesn't really practice it too seriously. In fact, he didn't practice at all until the kids came along, and he started going to Corn Church again for them.

-He dragged PV along with the rest of the family one week, but the whole "corn-fessing your sins" aspect didn't go too well for our favorite professor, who already has problems facing and dealing with his checkered past...

-The robots are EXTREMELY multilingual, since they can just switch their language settings. However, Shannon and Raymond did try to legitimately learn French together once, though they eventually gave up. The only thing they can really say is "omelette du fromage."

-Sadly, this does not include sign language for the four original bots, though Raymond and Mikayla were updated to include it, and they'll sign to each other to in order to speak privately or hide things from / trash-talk their older siblings.

-Lord Boxman has no idea where Darrell got the Daddy belt, and it haunts him, as does whether his innocent baby boy knows the full meaning behind it. Darrell actually pulled it out of Boxman's old college stuff -- there may or may not have been a LOT of alcohol consumed the night he procured that belt, and he'd long since forgotten it.

-And Darrell does know exactly what it means. The fact that everyone, especially his dad, expects Darrell to act an innocent baby boy forever due to his personality, and expresses shock whenever he displays knowledge or behavior more appropriate to the teenager/young adult he is, really annoys him sometimes. Not that he'll voice his complaints, especially not to his father, but he does rebel in small ways, like his graffiti habit, and brute-forcing his way past the parental block on the TV to watch the PG-13 movie channels. (He absolutely can say fuck, and in fact has done so in private, he just chooses not to.)

-After he and Boxman reconnected, Mr Logic did eventually start visiting his family at Boxmore again, though only on rare/special occasions. And after a LOT of time and consideration, he agreed to let Boxman perform a few upgrades, and bring his construction more in line with the newer robots.

-Logic refuses to have a hivemind set up, though, or any copies of himself made, not even just as a safety precaution in case he's ever damaged or destroyed.

-Boxman made a copy of Logic anyway, and a backup of his memory during one upgrade, and just never told him about it. It's set to activate if something ever does happen to the original Mr Logic, even long after Boxman retires.

-Shannon LOVES roller blading, but is banned from every skating rink in the Neutral Zone, since she keeps trying to use her saws instead of actual skates.

-There's a villain-oriented equivalent to Sidekick Scouts, for minions-in-training, that PV took Fink to a few times, before she decided her own style of minion-ing was superior.

-She first learned how to blackmail people from their annual cookie drives, and even got a badge for it!

-In addition to robots, Boxman is a HUGE car guy, and can give you engine specs on any make/model from memory, as well as ways to tweak them for maximum horsepower. He originally went to Evil Engineering College for automotive stuff, but switched to robotics instead.

-He's actually trying to pass on his mechanic skills to Darrell, who he trusts to do all his own car's upkeep as well as that of the Boxmore trucks, and Raymond, who...can barely change a tire. (He tries, he really does, but it's just not going well in his case)

-Raymond actually does have his motorcycle from that one mobile game, and enjoys riding around the Danger Zone! However, since he stinks at maintaining it, it's almost always breaking down, and he keeps having to go to either his dad or Darrell to fix it.

-He passes it down to Robbie later on, who thankfully DID get the Mechanic Skills. ;v;

-Ernesto once tried to teach PV how to make a spreadsheet in Excel. He somehow managed to crash the entire factory computer system, including poor Ernesto's hivemind server, while trying to add two cells together.

[nevermindirah]

I am but a sad little trans man who absolutely wants to know your thoughts on immortals capabilities to transition because I have thoughts and they make my depressed little trans heart hurt because how in the world could they transition if their bodies heal everything?

Hi! Sending you hugs because I've been struggling with the exact same thoughts! I wrote this lil meta last month but I don't like it and my brain keeps interrupting things like my job and trips to the grocery store to get me working on this puzzle.

From what we see in the movie, our elderly friends have regular-human healing, just faster and MORE, plus magic. We have canon evidence of how this works with wounds/injuries and can infer from there about how their immortality would handle infections, genetic/physiological/autoimmune/etc disorders, malnutrition/dehydration/etc, mental illnesses, and dental stuff, as well as things that bodies do that aren't necessarily bad but often need medical care — like pregnancy and gender transition. (I’m not a medical professional, just a nerd who loves a good Wikipedia rabbithole.)

Let's start with an easy one. Nile's hand healing after she stuck it in the fire is just a lickety-split version of what would happen to a regular human with a small skin wound: clotting, inflammation, rebuilding, healed.

When Nile yeets herself and pharma bro out the window of the topmost tower, we see the same thing happen again but bigger, plus we see several of her bones pop themselves back into place, and presumably any blood vessels that got torn up magically correct themselves under her skin. Humans have been surviving injuries like major bone fractures for a very long time but a bone that heals without medical intervention to realign the fractured pieces might heal at a new angle, meaning it doesn't work as well anymore, and it might cause damage to surrounding organs/tissues and leave a lot of scar tissue or a chronic wound. But Nile only needs Booker and Nicky keeping her upright for barely a minute and then she's walking around on her own just fine.

A large wound that breaks deeply through the skin, like Nile's sliced throat or Booker's exploded abdomen, can be survivable for a regular human if it doesn't irreparably damage critical organs and if you can get medical attention before you bleed out, but even with modern medical intervention the results are rough. Jay and Dizzy aren't wrong for being deeply weirded out by Nile's flawless neck: even with the best plastic surgeons in the world on the case, closing up a wound like that will leave scar tissue that affects both appearance and function.

So, we've got immortality magic moving bones back into place, restarting stopped hearts and lungs and brains, rebuilding major structures like arteries and intestines, healing up wounds without scar tissue, pushing out bullets, and otherwise handwaving the big stuff. But it's not a magic wand, it’s a process, and bigger wounds take longer. It's like these people's mitochondria have little gnomes in there with schematics to rebuild their bodies to factory default.

From how these bodies handle wounds we can infer that they'd handle pathogens / infectious diseases the same way: inflammation, white blood cells attack, byebye plague see you never. And if these bodies are resetting bones and rebuilding organs, they're probably also correcting genetic disorders and shifting around physiological problems like bone spurs. So let's keep on inferring.

What if, instead of every death erasing hormone replacement therapy and gender-affirming surgery and leaving a trans immortal detransitioned over and fucking over again, what if the magic that governs immortality considers dysphoria-causing body parts just like any other wound to heal?

What if Booker is a trans man, and he's got that sweet muscle mass and that height and that beard that comes all the way up his cheeks because he's been on the wonder drug that is testosterone for over 200 years? What if immortality was all "we see you've been hung from the neck until dead, and your eyes have been pecked out, and also you have all these hormones that turn your body into a shape that makes you miserable — we're gonna fix all that" and then regenerated his pecked-out eyeballs and unsnapped his neck and undid the results of months of insufficient food AND ALSO started pumping him with the fantasy version of HRT so his chest started to reduce and his fat redistributed itself and his beard started coming in?

Who's to say that's not how it works?

All my dysphoria is social — I'm fine with my body for the most part and I CANNOT STAND when people assume things about my gender, because of my body or for any other reason. We see pretty clearly with Booker that mental illness isn't magically healed the way physical injuries are, and I think that's because the causes of mental illness are a combination of physiology/chemistry stuff and things like our beliefs about ourselves and the world, our experiences of trauma, and our experiences of getting our needs met or not. If I were immortal I could maybe break up with my SSRI, but it wouldn't stop me from getting misgendered — I'd still have to find a way to cope with the ongoing trauma of that. Having to navigate hundreds of cultures' ideas about gender when my gender is "uhhhhh" sounds like absolute hell for me, no thank you, do not want.

But for my fellow trans people whose dysphoria is primarily body-related, and for my social-dysphoria pals whose gender is something nearly every human being would recognize and all they need is to pass, how about let's make an executive decision that immortality includes HRT for anybody who needs it, with no psych eval or begging your insurance company or poking yourself with needles, and just like with wound healing it's like regular HRT but faster and more. HRT so powerful and so magical that it gives you the best possible version of the results you want and none of the results you don't. If I had the option to go on HRT for just like one or two changes but not the whole battery of things I would fucking do that, and if I were to join our elderly friends, maybe I could.

This might be easier on transmasc immortals than transfeminine ones, because testosterone's effects are basically impossible to reverse. But also you can't just keep waking back up after repeatedly drowning for 500 years, so fuck it. We're making an executive decision here.

Estrogen that grows your breasts and softens your dick but doesn't lessen your ability to orgasm. Immortality magic that makes your beard go away and maybe shrinks your height an inch or two or six. Maybe Quynh is trans and one time a few thousand years ago she got injured in battle worse than Booker's grenaded belly and she woke up an hour later with a vulva and a uterus and now her body is just like that. Factory reset.

I subscribe to the "God made wheat and grapes but not bread and wine so humans could share in the act of creation" model of transness and I personally feel very weird about the idea of immortality magically giving a trans immortal cisnormative genitals the same way it resets bones. There's no one right way to have a pussy or a dick, you know? Maybe Quynh woke up from a catastrophic gut wound in like 800 BCE with a constructed vagina rivaling the best our modern money can buy, without a uterus but with a clit that's just as magical as anybody else's.

I've been thinking about writing a Book of Nile fic with trans man Booker, which is why the two of them are most of my examples here. It would include porn, because apparently I can't write more than 1500 words about them without writing porn, so I need to think more about what's going to feel good for me and other trans people who might read it and won't accidentally facilitate cis people objectifying us. Like, I've thought in a lot of detail about what a clit enlarged by that many centuries of testosterone might look and feel like, and that specific experience is not mine so I'm treading carefully.

Cis people are welcome to reblog this! Fellow trans folks are welcome to join me in the act of creation on this post ;)

[jadekitty777]

See You Heal

Hey everyone, long time no update, right? Aha!

Alright time for something a little different but still sweet. This entry is a work entirely inspired by @ladyrobiness‘ beautiful Slow Sunrise series. I woke up one morning and the idea just hit me like a truck and well... I had to write it out.

This is a continuation to that series so, reading it first is absolutely required. But why wouldn’t you? It’s a beautiful Fix-It fic with lots of tender moments of healing for Qrow and Clover both along with them just falling in love like the adorable dorks they are <333

Here are the Ao3 links to both:

Robiness’ Story: Slow Sunrise series

My Story: See You Heal

It’s also below the cut!

Rating: K+

Pairing: Qrow/Clover

Word Count: 2800

Summary: Qrow knows ignoring the problem only makes it worse. Unfortunately, dealing with it has its own set of problems too.

~

Sometimes, Qrow wished his standard for dealing with shit wasn’t ‘‘Ignore it until it goes away’.

It didn’t work. He knew it didn’t work – and yet sometimes his traitorous brain thought: maybe this time it’ll be different. So, when the issue of Clover not liking anyone at his six came up, like a scroll that had been factory reset, he defaulted. Hoped in the most ironic ways that the problem would just fix itself or at the very least, never become a problem.

That was why, as he gusted through the air trying to spot the nearest nomadic settlement, all he could see instead was Clover’s dismayed expression.

Really, he only had himself to blame.

They’d been traveling through Vacuo’s unforgiving desert for hours. It was a six-day journey to reach Shade Academy, most of which they had to do on foot as no locals at the city border ever escorted anyone across the desert without a price. Though they’d gotten an early start, beginning their trek even before the sun had peaked the horizon, as the day waned the sands around them began to shimmer as the heat rose to unbearable heights. Add onto that an unstable ground that left them all unsteady on their feet, relentless winds that whipped sand along exposed skin and eyes, and the occasional Grimm or wildlife lying in wait for an attack, and it just seemed like a recipe for disaster.

So, when the Sidewinder Grimm leapt from the dunes they were walking across and struck out at Weiss, all but two of them either didn’t react fast enough, or stumbled when they tried. The first of the two that had was Clover, who had his fishing line around Weiss in an instant and yanked her his way. The second was Ruby, who sped above the field like a shot, petals and dust following her wake as she managed to get in the first blow.

Within seconds, the rest of them recovered and suddenly the snake had ten skilled opponents bearing down on it. It certainly wasn’t a long battle, but enough to get the adrenalin going. The kids seemed to take it as they saw it, realizing the threat was over once the smoke cleared. But more veteran huntsmen like himself kept on guard a little longer.

Or like Clover – who wasn’t expecting Jaune to come up behind him and give him a congratulatory pat on the back.

The reaction was instantaneous. Clover yelped as he twisted and swung Kingfisher right at the boy’s head.

The clang of metal hitting metal seemed to echo the world into silence.

Jaune, shield shadowing his face, looked tense and a little frightened.

Clover just looked horrified.

And then he was faltering back, dropping his weapon into the sand. “I’m- I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to- are you okay?!”

“I’m, fine.” Jaune answered a little shakily, trying to laugh it off. “I don’t think now is the time for a training exercise though.”

Clover tried to meet him, but his own chuckle rang hollow. “No. No it’s not.” He ran a hand agitatedly through his hair. “I really am sorry. I, I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s too hot.” Weiss was the one to offer, turning the attention her way. “I’m having trouble too.”

It sounded logical. Believable. Of course the Atlesians weren’t accustomed to blistering heat like this and would be most likely to succumb to its’ effects.

Only Qrow knew the truth of the matter. Tried not to think how a desert wasn’t so unlike a tundra – open space, unsteady footing, extreme weather.

“We need to get out of this sun.” Blake decided.

Ruby nodded in agreement. “Right. Uncle Qrow, can you scout ahead and see if you can spot something?”

That’s how he ended up in the sky, canting in great big circles like a vulture and looking to every horizon as he tried to make out a camp or an outcropping or a cactus. Anything that might provide shade or water. It took a few cycles, increasing his radius at every turn, before finally managing to see several flutterings in the distance. Upon closer inspection, he knew it was the tarps of caravans, moving southwest. Which meant stable ground and civilization.

He dove back towards the group, morphing just shy of his landing. “Looks like someone’s on the move several miles that way. There’s probably a temporary camp nearby.”

Or if there wasn’t, there would be.

“Right, then let’s move.” Ruby ordered, turning to the robot beside her. “Penny maybe you can try and keep us cool in the meantime?”

“I will give it my best shot!”

Their conversation faded to background noise as his focus instead shifted to Clover who, for the first time since they’d begun traveling together, took lead instead of rear. A silent attempt to rebuild goodwill. But his posture was held straight, an unnatural rigidity to his movements.

Qrow joined him, not quite reaching for his hand, but allowing their knuckles to brush together. The effect was miniscule, but there, just the slightest drop of his shoulders as his face eased into a small, not-quite-there smile.

Okay. He could work with this.

~

It was funny how easy it was to trick a Vacuon when they thought they were the ones playing it. All it took was some altruistic speeches from the kids about wanting to help because that’s what huntsmen did and the words “free of charge” and suddenly they were traveling with a whole parade of people who thought they were getting protection for nothing. Which was mostly true – except of course, now they had a place to stay in and quicker way to the academy.

It also kept them busy, trading off shifts throughout the day to keep watch on their surroundings. Which meant it was almost two days later before he finally had a moment alone with Clover. The wayfarers who they were assisting had a strict habit of bearing down at the hottest part of the day to conserve resources and energy. With JNPR 2.0 on duty and RWBY helping with lunch, Qrow took the opportunity to retire to their makeshift quarters.

As he stepped into the tent, he found his segue into the conversation was going to be more on the nose then he’d planned for.

Clover was seated on one of the various sleeping mats, Harbinger in his lap as he tended to her gears. “Hey.” He greeted. “How’d scouting go?”

“Uh. Fine.”

Seeming to sense his unease, the huntsman paused, looking between him and the weapon. “Oh, sorry! I guess I should do this later.”

“No!” The word burst out of him, startling them both. Qrow cleared his throat, repeating more levelly, “No, it’s fine really. I told you to take care of her.”

To prove his statement, he took the few steps forward to sit directly across from him.

Clover eyed him skeptically for several long moments, perhaps trying to puzzle out if he was trying a backwards form of recovery or just talking big. He seemed to decide the former as he bent back over the sword. “Well, I’m glad you’re here. A lot of grit is getting in-between the gears. But I’m worried about messing up the mechanics.” He offered him a smile. “Harbinger’s really intricate. You did an amazing job.”

“Laying it on a little thick there, aren’t ya Ebi?” He scooted forward just a little, pointing to the correct parts as he spoke. “First loosen the spindle here. Then you can take out the suspension spring and remove this gear.”

They spent the next several minutes just going about the task. Even though he was guiding another’s hands through the motions, the work was so familiar it was relaxing. He even found it possible to keep hold of the small, easily lost pinions as they were removed. All the while, he studied Clover as he worked, the way his brow furrowed with deep concentration or how his strong hands never faltered as he took out each gear with care and reverence. As if the weapon was as cherished as his own.

“Last one.” Qrow announced as the fifth pinion was dropped into his palm.

“You know, before I really was praising you.” The smallest cog came out with a small pop, being added to the growing collection on the cloth Clover had laid out. He finished his statement with a mirthful smile, “But now I’ve determined you went too far.”

He snorted. “Sorry my sword-scythe-shotgun hybrid is a little more complicated than your basic fishing rod.”

He gasped in mock offense. “My darling may not have all your weapon’s fancy little tricks, but it gets the job done with just as much grace.”

“Oh, that’s what you call all that flailing around?”

“Watch it Branwen.”

“What? Am I-” The rest of his words ‘on thin ice’ died in his throat. “Uh-”

This time, Clover misinterpreted his floundering. “What, am I doing it wrong?”

He focused on where the other’s hands were, his own quickly reaching out to catch his, only to abort the motion just as quickly when his fingertips skimmed Harbinger’s surface. That Clover noticed.

He ran the same hand over the back of his neck. “Uh, don’t remove that unless you want her coming apart completely.”

“Alright.” Clover lifted his hand from the center plate obediently. “Are you doing okay or should we stop?”

Dropping the pinions onto the cloth beside the other parts, he tried not to let it feel like too much of a failure. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“Why would I be uncomfortable?” He replied with a frown.

Qrow stared. Was he being serious right now? “You’re kidding. If anything you should be more repelled to be holding her than me.”

“But I’m not. I never have been.”

The frustration broke over like a wave so that his next words flooded out like a tide of turbulent emotions, “Why not? You’re the one who got hurt! Why is it so easy for you?!”

No, no. Shut up.

He slouched over, scrabbling hands through his hair, tugging at the ends as if it would ground him back to the present.

This was going all wrong. He wasn’t supposed to be getting angry.

“I-I mean-” He started to say.

Clover cut him off. “Have you ever considered things were different from my perspective?”

He blinked. Looked up. “What?”

The other huntsman’s gaze drifted, falling down to the blade still in his lap. He ran his palm along the surface. “I never saw it. Or if I did, my mind’s blocked it out. I… remember pain. How hard it was to breathe. But as far as anything I saw in that moment? All I can think of is gray. A dark gray, almost black, but kind of green too?”

Qrow frowned, trying to piece that together. Atlas wasn’t exactly known for its abundance of greenery. The only green thing he could think of was Clover’s own pin. Maybe it was just his body going into shock, making him see things that weren’t actually there.

“Either way,” He continued, idly tracing the intricate patterns embedded in the sword’s metal. “What I’m getting at is, the only reason I know this was the weapon that struck me is because I was told it was. To me, it’s kind of removed from the whole event.” His movements stopped, that same dismayed look from several days ago clouding his features. “Instead, I have other problems.”

Seemed like they were going to have that conversation after all. “Like what happened with Jaune.”

“Yeah. I hadn’t meant to attack him. I just thought…” Clover slumped, trailing off.

“That he was someone else. I know.” Qrow said in the space left behind. “Known for awhile, actually. I knew it was an issue, but I hadn’t said anything. Tch. I should of. Maybe then-”

A flick to his forehead had him jerking back.

“Stop.” Clover’s fingers soothed over the spot, sliding down along the contours of his face to cup his jaw. “You’re not responsible for my problems Qrow. It’s my job to acknowledge them and ask for help if I need it.”

There was a lot of things he thought to say, the most prominent being how Clover never seemed to have an issue laser focusing on Qrow’s problems and addressing them (though, to be fair, those results didn’t always pan out) – but what he finally decided on saying was, “Do you need help?”

Teal eyes went wide and he drew back. The look on his face, vulnerable and lost, was heartbreaking. “I, uh. I don’t know.”

“Would you like to try something?” He pressed on gently.

“Like what?”

“An exercise.” He waved towards Harbinger. “Set her aside and take off your shirt – Don’t smile like that, I’m not gonna do anything lecherous.”

Clover laughed. “Ah, there goes all my hopes and dreams.” Still, he did as commanded, laying the blade to his left before peeling off the green shirt he wore.

Qrow managed not to stare at the metal plating built into the center of his chest, stitching his body together like a broken doll. Instead he reached forward, undoing the red bandanna around the man’s arm – one of the only things he’d kept of his old uniform, besides the boots – and tied the cloth around his eyes instead.

“Uh, Qrow?” Now blind, Clover sounded a lot more uncertain.

He ran a hand through short brown locks. “When I used to teach, I would do this with the students.”

“Lot to unpack with that statement.” He was barely containing a laugh.

It was his turn to flick him. “Shut it and listen.” He got to his feet, speaking as he rounded the other. “It was usually for typical stuff. Figuring out what movements they knew by reflex and what they needed to work on. Keeping an ear on their surroundings when their eyes can’t. But sometimes,” He stopped directly behind him. “It was to help break bad habits.”

Clover was already tense. “Really?”

“Ruby’s footwork used to be terrible. Got worse when she discovered her semblance – she was tumbling all over the place. Taking away her sight made her focus harder on every step she made. Made her more aware of everything she was doing.” Qrow reached out, fingertips brushing along the base of Clover’s neck, the skin shuddering under his touch. “That’s what I want you to do. Focus on the way your body reacts and correct it.”

“This… seems a little unconventional.”

He knelt down behind him. “Sometimes it’s the unconventional methods that work. Now,” He laid his palm flat along metalwork layered over his spine, hearing the sharp inhale. “Let’s get started.”

~

Qrow couldn’t say for how long, exactly, the exercise went on for – but it was certainly not as long as he would have kept one of his students at it. Where he’d push them to continue even just a minute longer, he was more willing to pull back with the brunette, knowing this was taking a mental toll along with the physical one. So, when he noticed Clover’s efforts were turning to frustration, he was quick to call for a break, offering that maybe they could finish up with Harbinger in the interim.

Clover, stubborn man he was, didn’t want to quit entirely though.

That was how they ended up sitting back to back as Qrow polished off the gears and pins and Clover set them into place.

Healing takes many forms, Qrow mused as he handed over the third cog and reached for the next, the anxiety he normally felt completely, blissfully absent.

Felt the stretch of muscles against his own as Clover worked, his erratic breathing and shakes having steadied a while ago.

One day, he hoped they could come out of this without their demons controlling them.

Yet, he knew recovery was a difficult, haphazard mess of a journey; so that day was in a future he still couldn’t quite discern, no matter how hard he looked.

Not that he could say he was surprised. His life had never been simple and that track record wasn’t going to let up a four decades’ long streak so easily – but, for once, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

For the one brightness he could see in all this was right behind him.

Qrow slid down, just enough to rest his ear against the metal along Clover’s back, the reassuring thump-thump-thump of his heart a gift he’d never waste.

For it beat with the promise that he was here.

He was alive.

And, Qrow recklessly dared to believe, he was his.

Another gift he’d never waste.

A devotion he’d never dishonor.

A love he’d forever hold onto.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep20-21: Everyone's Gonna Die For Like the 3rd Time

So a few days ago I kinda tossed my phone at my bro and I was like “listen, it’s dead, don’t ask why this has happened, but I can’t get it to boot. I don’t even want to deal with it right now. I’m so over it. You fix it.” And so he fixes it by doing a factory reset and was like “so...what happened?” and I was like “I can’t say right now, it is too embarrassing.”

So, keep that story in the back of your mind as we go into this episode.

It’s a Final Threat like a Final Fantasy sort of meaning of the word Final, I see.

Anyways, a review:

Anyways, Noah has a superpower now that uses these pink balls of power. There’s only 6 of them, so it’s not quite Dragonball, unfortunately. They have some writing on them but I don’t know enough Duolingo to tell you what it is right now.

Especially since I kind of stopped using Duolingo a few months back, so now all of my limited Hiragana and few scattered kanji are gone forever. Thanks brain, glad I spent like a year trying to learn that. Domo. What I tried to go and do in order to read half my twitter feed.

YEP. THAT’S RIGHT.

Yugioh broke my freakin phone.

So anyways, I tried doing a reverse image search on my PC, which is how I got Calligraphy up there. Which I realllllly don’t think is uh...the word. Then, by using a handwriting reading website I got “to fight”, but because I have pretty BAD handwriting in English even, and because I don’t know the order of strokes for really any kanji at all, that was the only one I could find.

If y’all know Japanese, I’d be very curious as to what these are. It’s probably related to something vaguely religious as that’s been Noah’s MO this whole game.

And yes, now that my phone works again, I could just try and re download Google Translate, and give it another go, but this image might actually be cursed, as is Yugioh tradition.

(read more under the cut)

But before we do anything in this upcoming duel, Pharaoh wants to make sure to immediately tell Noah he’s a freakin weirdo as quickly as possible.

Noah is not that surprised. I mean Noah is a computer brain that’s been isolated for 6 years before going cray, he does not care if Yugi thought he were the king of England. Which Yugi was once in a spinoff game, the King of England.

We get a little explanation as to why Noah has such a God Complex (without playing a single God card, ironically) in that he likes to play this rare deck that Pegasus made that I guess Kaiba and Yugi sort of forgot about? I don’t blame them, I would also try to forget about this deck.

I like that no matter where Pegasus travels, he puts on that same Banana Republic khaki white-person uniform and just marches out there. The same outfit he wears digging in Egypt is the same outfit he wears visiting Indonesia or India or Canada wherever this is.

This is probably somewhere famous, but I don’t recall it off the top of my head, forgive me. There are a lot of massive relief sculptures in Asia.

Anyways, after that one travel through the vaguely East/South East, Pegasus had a *phase.*

Now listen, I don’t really think it’s my job as a reviewer to say if shoving vaguely religious/mythical/cultural iconography into playing cards is a good idea or a bad idea, because that’s been talked to death in a million other articles you can just go and read. Every art piece has it’s own reason to exist, and every artist is their own person with their own unique life experience. I have had to sit through so much weird ass installation art and avante garde performance art, that I have learned solely one thing about art critique. I am not art Jesus. I cannot save a piece, I cannot condemn a piece. So, I will not throw down, and I will not prop up--unless of course it is weird little shorts on your main villain matched with long black golfing socks--but I am allowed to say--

...huh?...

Remember how about ten or so episodes ago I was like, low key a little confused that it appeared like Yugioh was waltzing casually into religion territory? Remember how I was like “dude do they realize this is a reference to Lazarus? Like, they’re saying Kaiba could have been THE Lazarus?” Remember when I thought that was a big deal?

Well, Yugioh turned to itself and was like “hold my beer” and then just straight up outdid itself in so many weird ways. And don’t get me wrong, most of these cards are overall fine, nothing really all that shocking, but still like...

...OK, kid’s show. I’m sure all the children in the audience understood the references in this 100%.

Also, the fact that Noah is like “I turned to somewhat religious deities from antiquity to fight your ass” is kind of funny when you recognize he’s fighting a literal Pharaoh who has like 2000 of them of them under his belt already (counting himself). Like, nice job, Noah, you got like...12 in that deck? Congrats.

Anyway, Noah and his slightly problematic deck gets thrown by a bunch of Yugi’s cards and then Noah just plops right out of this giant dude. Or dudette. I didn’t really catch the gender on the Seraphim that is actually a fairy card. But, it was like Noah was being birthed for a second time. Well, third time, if you count when he was reborn as a robot.

So long story short, now he’s a boy again.

Noah had the foresight to put his clothes back on before he fell out of this gigantic robot god thing who’s name I’ve forgotten. A shame, it would’ve been a good gag to just see how long it takes Noah to realize he’s ass naked when he’s a robot who has no sense of touch. Or...body.

Anyways, Yugi’s friends immediately start doing what they do best, which is to trashtalk the other team so badly that it would get you tossed out of most sporting events. It backfires on them not just once but...several times, and I’m telling you, it is surprising that they never actually learned in this entire episode that all they ever had to do was shut their mouth and stop backseating.

But apparently, it’s courageous to catcall your opponent. Its a sign of undying friendship as per Yugioh law.

Anyways, we’re gonna get death 169 this episode, so stop scrolling right now and then think to yourself--who’s it gonna be. Who’s gonna be death 169?

Some of you (all of you) might know this show by heart but for those who haven’t (none of you), this’ll be our little interactive portion.

OK, here we go.

YESSSSS HE FINALLY DIED.

I knew that if I kept saying “Duke will die next” that eventually the dice fall in my favor. It took like 5 or 6 deaths before this actually happened, but can I say “called it?” Is that allowed? I’m gonna say “called it” and pretend that I called this.

Although, unfortunately, I did not call everything.

Wow, Tristan won the shipping wars! All of them! He’s death 169! So NICE!

I did not predict that at all, I honestly thought that 169 would be Duke, and Bro thought it would be Kaiba. We were both so wrong.

It makes sense though. Like he is the littlest horny monkey here. He deserves 169.

Anyway, then the sad stuff starts piling up. Just like so much sadness at once. Yugioh does not pace sadness like, at all, so you never get a chance to grieve since so many deaths are back to back in this show. And by back to back I mean, they play only one round of cards in between each death.

The writing team was so excited to kill everyone off, that it was the fastest rounds of cards I’ve ever seen this show play. We should tempt them with killing off their core cast more often.

So, seeing that half of his friends have been cursed with an eternity of being brain dead and living out their existence half alive in this weird digital universe, Pharaoh starts to doubt everything about his own abilities.

How weird is it to solve your ghost’s existential crisis when you’re trapped in some VR world he shouldn’t be able to exist in anyway?

But youknow, Pharaoh does this sometimes. Sometimes Pharaoh just gets really anxious if not enough people are telling him “It’s OK, Pharaoh, you’re basically a God. You already died once even so how could it possibly be worse? You’ll probably be OK!”

It’s the typical Yugi meltdown that accompanies every Yugi duel, except Pharaoh style, so it’s lower pitched and his hair is a little bit taller.

Noah tries to take advantage of this lapse of confidence, but Pharaoh’s melt down isn’t quite enough to make him quit a game.

Again, Noah seems constantly shocked that all of Kaiba’s friends and Kaiba himself are just incapable of putting cards down and walking away. This is like the 4th time he’s begged these kids to just stop and they just kept going.

And then, it’s time for the romance of the ages that we completely forgot existed. That’s right, shippers rejoice, YugixTea is back on the table, and it’s entirely because everyone else is dead.

Show, can you even be bothered? Like I feel so bad for y’all who shipped the canon ship because they just...forgot about y’all like...a lot.

But don’t worry, it’s still very vague, and instead of giving any sort of sentimental dialogue, Tea is just going to tear into Noah like a yummy sandwich.

Also, Tea thinks that Pharaoh has control over turning people to stone, that’s a weird thing she thinks now. 

I mean for all I know, he can totally do this. Why the hell not? Go ahead, Yugioh. Surprise me.

And then...Noah just kept her alive a little longer?

I know that he was turning people into stone every turn but did I hear that wrong or did he seriously take a turn longer to freeze Tea, just to spite her?

What is it with the Kaiba’s and Tea? I make jokes that she’s the Mom of this mess of a family, but even Noah let her live way longer than anyone else here.

He got over it, though.

And then Pharaoh decided to die.

Like he wasn’t actually dead, he was just low on lifepoints, and was like....that’s it. I’m done. Goodbye world. It was a good couple of years that I haunted the Hell out of everybody through this weird, very strange child. See you next Millennium.

And then he just kind of took a nap.

Like canonically, Pharaoh just took a nap in the middle of this duel. He is out for like...kind of a while.

Pharaoh melt-downs are kind of the worst because they do seem to involve him completely shutting down. At least in this game, he isn’t lying completely flat on his face, as I have seen him do in a duel before.

PS How does this work?

I know I’m not supposed to think about it, and I’ve held back on talking about it for 20 episodes but like...Noah uploaded the mind of Yugi. Not Pharaoh.

Pharaoh’s mind is attached to Yugi through the puzzle...but the puzzle is not attached to the computer in any way. While Yugi’s brain now has a labyrinth problem, that doesn’t mean that Pharaoh would even be here. He is a magical ghost attached to Yugi’s body which is Not Actually Here.

So like...how is this happening?

Can you seriously trap Pharaoh here in this realm? You can’t, right? Like it isn’t possible, he’s the only one who’s not ever actually here in the first place.

Like...Pharaoh should be able to just wake up in the pod, open the door, and walk right out of there, just like he did with Bakura in Season 1 when Yugi got turned into a playing card. Mind you, in Season 1, Yugi’s soul was dislodged and not his brain, but this just seems like a little bit of a retcon.

I have already thought about this more than the people who made this kid’s show, so I’ll let it go, but this is one of those things I have to try real hard not to think about because...

...if Noah has full control of all their brain functions and projects images on to their brain via hallucinations, then how can they hallucinate anything else? How can you pass out and have dreams?

Which doesn’t matter of course--this doesn’t matter to the plot really, as this is a kid’s show and so just go with it--but I have been thinking about this in the background for 20 episodes and this is where I kind of couldn’t ignore it anymore because we’re gonna dive into some hella weird territory, get ready.

So anyways, Yugi comes down like some sort of cherubic angel and it was very hammy and legit pretty funny I mean look at this.

If this were Sailor Moon, Yugi would be ass naked and have huge, beautiful fairy wings covered in holographic glitter and cherry blossoms.

I’d normally just put in a picture of the infamous last episode of Sailor Moon I’m referring to in order to make this joke complete, but knowing Tumblr I’d be flagged in like two milla-seconds because this blog gets flagged KIND OF A LOT FOR A RECAP BLOG OF A KID’S SHOW, but just google it for yourself and bear with me here cuz like,

These two?

Same energy.

I see this image and I can immediately hear that woodwind just bounce off the back of my brain. It’s like conditioned in me although I allllways skip the intro.

So in this dream/literal brain world reality that they’re walking through, despite being in a digital world, Yugi has stuffed some hand selected hallucinations that seem to have like...a personality embedded into each.

So...Yugi can just create clones in his head that act like he remembers his friends act.

Really interesting superpower there.

And yes, this does mean that Pharaoh not only has no long term memories, he flat out refuses to check on his short term data as well. He is just acting purely on a margarita mix of impulse and anxiety. He is such a freakin mess.

I can’t believe this guy went on a date once.

And like, of course this is all a metaphor for how even if your friends can’t be with you physically, their memory is enough to push you forward when you’re feeling all alone. It’s a nice moral of the story, it’s just that it’s a little spooky when it’s literal.

So yeah, Yugi has a fake Kaiba at all times just flinging insults at him from within his own mind. It’s one thing to say you got the voice of all your rivals, friends, and parents pressuring you in the back of your mind, but to literally have them always stowed there, trapped together in the back of your mind is...that’s very Yugi.

This kid needs so much help.

PS nice little frosting on the cake that that he does not store any family members in the short term memory zoo exhibit. Sorry Gramps, you were uninvited from this show in S2 when Bakura knocked you unconscious and you fell off screen and then we just...forgot to ever check up on you ever again.

I’m sure Gramps is probably fine.

DON’T THINK ABOUT IT, GUYS.

I keep thinking about it and it never comes full circle. Just--the hearts of our dead friends are in these cards, although the friends we were just talking to were absolutely fake people that Yugi has copy-pasted into his clip board in his brain hut. Also, these cards were drawn before they would have given him these cards so they didn’t...actually give him cards. They just...lodged their hearts in there real good.

Although their minds are trapped in a weird rock state and their bodies are trapped in some pods...their hearts are good to go wherever.

It doesn’t matter, in the end, Yugi played a bunch of different moves--I want to say like all six cards in the longest and most complicated Yugioh turn in the history of the Earth--in order to finally end Noah.

I can’t have nice things.

Speaking of, I forgot to mention the most tragic death of this episode.

.

.

.

He may have been resurrected, but his soul was deffo disconnected with his body, or at least my PAD data (during Monster Hunter fest even) and all of my pictures and videos are gone. My auto correcting is also really effed up now, and it’s been auto correcting in kind of...really offensive ways...and I have no idea why because it’s only been rebooted for like...2 days. So it’s almost like my phone got resurrected as an evil person or something like it got Marik’d or something. Either way, I had a fun time explaining some texts at work that my dumbass phone decided were a cool idea.

The things I do for this side blog.

Anyway, if you just got here, this is a link where you can read these from the start in chrono order.

[wolfbrotherzach]

So, earlier today, me and my brother sat down to watch the Emoji Movie. We pirated it so that we don’t give Sony Animation any undeserved money.

This movie was not screened for critics. 9/10 times a movie is not screened for critics because they don’t want honest reviews ruining the opening weekend of their terrible movie. The remaining 1/10 is to try and hide a big twist the creators don’t want spoiled. This film falls squarely in that 9/10.

I went into this thing thinking it was going to be the worst movie ever bar none. (Yes, even worse than Jack and Jill). After the movie, my opinion didn’t change. Everything this movie does is the worst.

Let’s start with the fact that it panders to “da youths” and fails massively in even doing that. I mean, if you can’t even pander to an audience correctly (I say correctly like there’s a correct way to pander to an audience), you’ve failed even more massively than if you were just trying to make a movie without pandering and failed at THAT.

All the humor of this thing is surface level stuff that wasn’t even funny.  The only genuine laugh I heard that was not from the characters (let me remind you that I pirated this and no one in the audience laughed ONCE) was from my brother when he saw a certain meme in the YouTube bit. In my opinion, the only thing funny about this movie was the short film at the beginning. Not a good sign.

And that’s all without dealing with the plot. Oh, goody gumballs, the “plot”. It’s the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer plot hacked to pieces, with bits and pieces of Wreck-It Ralph, The Lego Movie, and Inside Out Frankensteined to the most intact bit, and its brain replaced with an obsolete smartphone.

Gene is a ‘Meh’ emoji who can make more than one face. Why can he make more than one face? Because MOVIE, that’s why! No, seriously. At no point do they explain the issue with Gene. Also shouldn’t a software patch have fixed him?

So now Gene is on a mission to fix his issue, and he meets up with a hacker emoji named Wyldstyle. I mean Wyldstyle. I mean Wyldstyle. I mean... It’s fricking Wyldstyle. I don’t know why the keep calling her Jailbreak.

Oh, and get this, she’s also secretly a PRINCESS emoji (SOUND FAMILIAR WRECK-IT RALPH FANS???).

And he also has to do this before Alex (who owns the phone they all live in) deletes the phone. No, not factory reset. I mean DELETING EVERYTHING. And they don’t even do that right. Everything gets set back to normal at the end even when the whole phone is nearly deleted. THAT IS NOT HOW THAT WORKS SONY.

At one point they go into a piracy app disguised as a dictionary. Hi-5 says that its disguised to hide things from his parents. My first thought was porn. I was most likely not alone. Even with this they don’t do anything even remotely funny. 

Oh, and there’s a subplot where Gene’s two Meh parents have some marital issues while looking for him. So original. They also quote Casablanca, just to piss me off even more.

And lets not forget all the product placement. Candy Crush, Just Dance, Spotify, Dropbox, YouTube, Instagram. And I’m pretty sure everyone is using Sony smartphones. Classy move, Sony. I’m sure those will outsell iPhones and Samsungs this year./s

Look, just because the Lego Movie managed to pull off blatant product placement, doesn’t mean you can do crap like this.  The Lego Movie was well written and hilarious. Two things THIS movie is neither of.

The Poop emoji is Patrick Stewart. THE POOP EMOJI IS PATRICK STEWART. THEY CANCELLED A POPEYE MOVIE FOR THIS. 

THE POOP EMOJI IS PATRICK STEWART.

This thing was only an hour and a half long, yet it feels like a DAY and a half.

I was rooting for the “Villain” the entire movie. i didn’t give two craps about Gene or his quest.

And it ends with the same “Be yourself” message we’ve seen a million times before. I didn’t want Gene to be himself. I wanted Gene to get deleted.

This movie... No no. Sausage Party is a movie. This THING...  No no still not right. Foodfight was a thing. This waste of existence is the biggest insult in the history of insults. It’s an insult to the investors, who most likely won’t be getting their money back, at least not all of it. It’s an insult to the critics, who had to PAY to see this because Sony didn’t screen it for them. It’s an insult to kids who were tricked into thinking they’d be getting something worth watching. It’s an insult to parents who were dragged to see it by aforementioned kids. It’s an insult to the animators who made it, because you KNOW that they didn’t want to work on this willingly (to their credit, the film looks rather nice). It’s an insult to animation. It’s an insult to cinema. It’s an insult to intelligent life.

The Emoji Movie can go burn in hell. Let’s just hope they take Sony Animation with it when they do.

[ernmark]

Good evening, traveler.

Juno Steel has finally gotten himself into a mess he can’t get out of. Now he’s lying comatose in a hospital bed, and it’ll take a miracle to wake him again.

Luckily, Peter Nureyev knows exactly where to go looking for a miracle: in the lair of the mysterious Blue Persephone, who may be able to tip the balance between life and death.

When last we saw our hero, he finally met Persephone herself-- or so it seems. But will she help Peter save Juno?

And if she will, at what cost?

Before Peter can answer, he’s distracted by the sound of a struggle.

A tall blonde woman is marching between the statues like she’s on the war path, dragging another, smaller one by the collar.

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting, Nadia?” whines the smaller one. “If you wanted me to get you something, you just had to ask.” She’s still trying to wriggle out of the other’s grip without spilling a drink carrier full of what smells like coffee. It’s quite a feat, considering she’s only got her right hand to balance it on. The other hand is gone, along with her entire left arm, missing at the shoulder, just like the veiled woman standing in front of Peter.  It’s not the only feature they have in common. They have the same skin tone, the same build, the same diminutive height. Even their haircuts are fairly identical.

“I didn’t want you to get me something, I want you to do your job.” The blonde—Nadia, apparently— whirls on her, all righteous fury. “You have a body double for safety and security. Not so you can sneak out and get snacks.”

“I was gone for five minutes! Fifteen, tops. Besides, it’s not like I had any appointments for… today…” She trails off, her eyes landing on Peter. “Shit.”

“This is why you don’t go sneaking off in the middle of the day,” Nadia says, and finally releases her.

Well. That turned awkward rather quickly.

At least Peter has a fairly solid grasp of the situation. He gestures toward the short woman with a flourish. “The Blue Persephone, I presume.”

At least, he thought he had a fairly solid grasp of the situation. Because she simply blinks at him for several seconds, looking utterly nonplussed. Then she slowly turns to look at the other two women. The body double awkwardly averts her eyes. Nadia pinches the bridge of her nose.

Finally she speaks. “Okay, I’m just gonna use context clues and assume that’s supposed to be me.”

Coming here may have been a mistake.

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” she says. “I’m sure the whole ‘as many names as there are stars in the heavens’ thing is all nice and stuff for the guys in PR. They’re not the ones who have to actually answer to them all.” She sighs. “Right. It is I, the Blue Persephone, yadda yadda yadda. What can I do you for?”

After all the buildup and hard work it took to get here in the first place, Persephone’s nonchalance leaves Peter a little bewildered. He can’t really have the right person, can he? This has to be another body-double or something, doesn’t it? Or a front for someone else entirely.

But then, does it really matter, so long as he gets help for Juno?

He clears his throat. “I’m told you deal in miracles.”

Persephone shoves the tray of coffee at her body double and gives him her full attention. “I mean, if you want to be dramatic about it.”

As if she isn’t speaking to a man who just had to trek through a pitch-black subterranean forest and into a statue garden that looks like it was inspired by Hieronymus Bosch in order to speak to a woman covered head to toe in flowing blue veils. “Of course. I see that drama isn’t your interest in the slightest.”

“You’re adorable,” she says flatly. “It looks like you didn’t have much of a problem finding me, so I’m guessing the miracle you’re looking for isn’t for yourself.”

Getting right down to it, then.

“No. I need it for my husband.”

“That’s… nice? I guess?” She shakes her head. “Listen, I’m gonna need more detail than that.”

“He’s in the hospital—“

“Not that kind,” she says. “Not yet anyway. I mean like who your husband is. For all I know, you’re married to some fucking neo-fascist wannabe dictator. The work I do doesn’t come cheap, and I’m not about to do it for just anyone.”

“He’s nothing like that,” Peter says hastily. “He’s a private investigator working out of Hyperion City.”

She spools her hand through the air, inviting him to elaborate.

“He saved Mars, once. He was a police officer?” He’s throwing out any details he can think of, but they still don’t seem to satisfy her. “His name is Juno Steel?”

Finally a reaction. Her whole demeanor brightens. “Juno Steel? The detective?”

“That is what I just said,” Peter says carefully.

“Surly attitude, drinking problem, eye patch? About yea high?”

“Slightly shorter without the hat,” Peter corrects. “I see you’ve heard of him.”

“Met him, actually,” she says, beaming. “I take it you’re the guy he was mooning over so bad? You guys actually got married! Good for you!”

Behind her, Nadia is massaging her temples. “His name you remember?”

“He left one hell of an impression,” Persephone says cheerfully. “So how is he doing?”

“That’s why I’m here,” Peter says carefully. “There’s been an accident. Juno’s in the hospital. In a coma.”

“Oh.” Her face falls. The other two women exchange glances. “Shit. That sucks. I’m really sorry.”

She’s sympathetic. That’s a good sign. “But I’m told you can help him. That’s what you do, isn’t it?” Peter steps forward, his arms out and ready to plead, but he’s cut off by the tall blonde.

“Not anymore,” Nadia says icily.

“What do you mean, not anymore?”

Nadia steps into his space, crowding him back. “It means look somewhere else.”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried?” he demands. “There is nowhere else.” He tries to push past her, but she shoves him back.

“The answer is no,” she growls. “You can leave on your own, or I can throw you out myself.”

Persephone watches in silence, looking haunted.

“You said you knew Juno,” he pleads. “You even seemed to like him. Don’t you understand, if you don’t do something, he’s going to die.” He tries to push past Nadia again, and he’s shoved back even more violently. This time, he allows himself to fall.

He stares up at Persephone, looking every inch the frail, pathetic widower.

Nadia isn’t having it. “That’s it. I’m—“

“Nadia, stop.”

The other woman looks up, incredulous. “But—”

Persephone shakes her head. “Give us some space, okay? Both of you. I’ve got this.”

“You can’t be serious,” she snaps.

“You wanted me to do my job, didn’t you? So let me do it already.”

Nadia looks form Peter to Persephone in outrage for a moment, and then she heaves an aggravated sigh and storms off, the woman in veils trailing daintily behind her.

Persephone extends her hand to help Peter up. “Sorry about that. Nadia gets kind of intense sometimes.”

There’s a right way to talk to everyone. You just have to find it.

“Does this mean you’re going to help him?” Peter asks, letting her pull him to his feet.

“That depends on what you mean by help. What you’re asking for isn’t exactly simple.”

Like hell it isn’t. But he doesn’t say as much—he’s not about to ruin the rapport he’s managed to scrape together, not when she’s finally willing to help him.

“I don’t understand,” he says instead. “Can you wake him up or can’t you?”

“Oh, I can wake him up alright. That part is easy.” She takes a seat on one of the marble statues. “I know soap operas like to play them up like they’re no big deal, but people don’t just drop into a coma at the first blare of a dramatic organ. If Juno isn’t waking up, it’s because his brain is too damaged to function properly.” She pauses, and Peter takes the opportunity to sit beside her. There’s amity here. He can leverage that. “I can’t fix damaged tissue—only regrow it from scratch. But brain stuff is complicated. It’s always changing, always rewriting itself based on new memories and stuff, and that’s not something I can replicate it. Meaning whatever was there before, it’s going to be completely reset when I’m done with it, like it’s brand new. And being real here: there’s no way for me to tell you exactly what parts of his brain are damaged right now. It could be his sense of smell or his spatial reasoning or something like that gets reset back to factory settings, or it could be his memories or his personality. When he wakes up, there’s a not insignificant chance that he won’t know you—or that he turns into somebody you wouldn’t recognize.”

“But he’d be awake,” Peter argues. “That’s all that matters.”

Persephone lets out a bitter laugh. “You want to guess how many people have said that to me? Or would you rather guess how many of them actually wound up meaning it?”

“Well, I do.”

“That’s what they all say.”

This isn’t working. Peter takes her hand between his. “Please. I’m begging you. Juno doesn’t deserve this.”

“You think anybody does?”

“Please.” Every drop of skill, every modicum of experience accumulated from a lifetime of crime is poured into that word. This has to work. It has to.

She sighs. “You know what? Fine. Sure. I’ll give it a shot.”

“You—you will?” he stammers.

She pulls her hand out of his and pushes off the statue. “I’ll make the arrangements. We’ll have him transferred to one of our facilities ASAP.”

“Thank you—“

“Don’t think this is free,” she says. “It’s a favor to him, not you. You’ve still got to pay.” Before Peter can even think of reaching for a checkbook, she continues. “Three favors. I call you with the time and place, you do the job, no questions asked. You can leave your contact information and qualifications with one of my HR reps before you leave.”

That’s… oddly businesslike, but he’ll take what he can. “I can do that.”

“You’d better. And there’s one last condition.”

“Anything,” he says, and fool that he is, he actually means it. He’ll steal anything she wants. He’ll give her money, jewels, artifacts. Hell, he’ll give her his goddamn name if that’s what she wants.

She looks him dead in the eyes. “If I do this, you have to stay the hell away from Juno Steel.”

All his composure collapses in on itself. “I don’t—what?”

Her tone is even, but her words are jagged enough to leave scars. “Don’t talk to him, don’t look at him, don’t call him, don’t follow him on social media. You get far away from him, and you stay there.” There’s a look in her eyes that says she’ll know if he breaks the rules, even for an instant. And in that moment, he believes her.

“You—you can’t ask me to do that.”

“Those are my terms,” she says. “Take them or find yourself another miracle.”

But there are none. He would know. He’s looked.

Her expression softens. “Listen, I’m not doing this out of spite or some shit like that. If by some weird twist of probability he actually remembers you, then awesome. We’ll get in touch, and you two can get right back to your little happily ever after.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Peter asks quietly.

She looks grim. “Then you’ll be grateful you stayed away.”

Will Peter accept her terms? or will he, like Orpheus, look back?