#and by 'skate' I mean 'address your emotional shit' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-bau-quinjet · 4 years ago

Text

the evolution of breaking up

Peter x Stark!reader

Summary: Snippets of you moving on from a bad breakup, frequently turning to your best friend, Peter.

Warnings: it's sad Taylor Swift hours, some choice words,

Word Count: 3252

a/n: inspired by a playlist called the evolution of breaking up that only has TS songs on it lol. Bold is direct or paraphrased lyrics

Masterlist

Peter is 90% sure he fell in love with you the day he met you.

He's 100% sure he fell in love with you within a week of knowing you.

Hell, he's so sure about it, he would tell you if not for one glaringly obvious problem: Jared.

Your boyfriend.

Your started dating Jared a few weeks before you met Peter. That is to say, a few weeks before Tony recruited Peter to join the Avengers.

Peter didn't have any problems with Jared, and he would never wish for you to get your heart broken, but he was definitely jealous.

It wasn't hard for him to love you. The two of you became fast friends. You always worked in the lab together, improving upon tech Tony already had or developing all new creations.

You also patrolled together. Peter had always enjoyed patrolling, but now that you went with him, time seemed to fly.

It was currently about 10:30 on a Friday about two and a half years after you and Peter met. You and Peter were supposed to patrol, but Tony said to take the night off for once.

You took the impromptu free time as the perfect opportunity to surprise Jared.

You left the tower around 5:30 and Peter hasn't heard from you since. Not that he expected to since you were going on a date. He was bored though.

Tony refused to let him tinker around in the lab, saying he needed a better work/life balance. He would've found the statement funny if it didn't feel so true.

He tried calling Ned, but he was out with Betty. MJ was busy with Brad, the two going to some horror movie marathon.

The only other person he really hung out with was you, and you were also on a date.

He wondered the various floors of the tower, looking for anything to do that would take his mind of you.

Eventually, he just set up camp in the shared living area, putting Star Wars on the massive TV and eating more popcorn than should be legal.

He was nearly asleep during Episode V when the ding of the elevator jolted him awake. Someone ran through the halls, quickly opening and closing the door to their room.

He sat up, intrigued by the behavior. As he walked down the hallway, he listened for any indication of someone else being there. Obviously whoever it was didn't want to talk, but that didn't mean he wasn't concerned.

He stopped outside your door, bringing his hand up to knock when he heard music softly playing through the door.

You told me you loved me, so why did you go away?

He froze with his fist raised, uneasy with the why you would put on such a sad song. His hand fell back to his side when he heard you sing along to the chorus.

"Never thought we'd have a last kiss. Never imagined we'd end like this."

The sound of you crying grew louder than the music, urging Peter to knock. He just wanted to make sure you knew he was there for you.

Hyping himself up, he knocked lightly. A few seconds later the music stopped. He listened as you shuffled toward the door, slowly pulling it open.

His heart broke at the sight of your puffy cheeks, red and tear stained.

"Hey Pete." You managed a small smile, happy to see your friend despite the less than stellar evening you had.

"Hey, I... you probably don't want to talk about it right now, but I'm here for when you do." He matched your small smile, trying not to make you feel any worse.

Apparently, he said the right thing because you pulled him into a bone crushing hug, burying your head in his chest as you cried.

He spent the next half hour rubbing your back as you cried, having moved to sit on the bed rather than stand in the doorway.

When your tears ended, he risked talking to you again.

"Did you want to talk about it tonight?" Peter was clearly unsure of himself in this situation.

You shook your head, wiping your face with the sleeves of your sweatshirt.

"No, I... He just..." Tears pooled again, but you blinked them away. "He said forever and always, but I guess he didn't mean it."

Peter held you as you cried again, eventually falling asleep. He tucked you into your bed, placing a water bottle on your nightstand and shutting off the lights as he left.

The next few days, you spent mostly holed up in your room. You had a playlist of sad Taylor Swift songs on repeat, letting yourself wallow.

Peter was worried. Tony was worried. Nat, Steve, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Pepper, and Vision were worried.

"What'd she say when you talked to her?" The group questioned, all wanting nothing more than to cheer you up.

Peter sighed, wishing he had more information. "She just cried for like, 2 hours. Somewhere in the middle I asked if she wanted to talk, she said something about him not really meaning forever, and then she cried again."

They were all contemplating what to do when you walked in the room. Every pair of eyes were on you in an instant.

You sighed heavily, kind of glad you could address everyone at once. They've been like a family to you since you were born, so it only makes sense they would all be worried.

"Jared and I broke up." You felt like it was 2 and a half years wasted. You could feel the tightness in your throat threatening more tears, but you refused to cry over this boy any longer. "I'll be okay, I just... I remember it all too well right now."

You turned to your dad, eyes welling up again. "I'm sorry I ignored when you said to run as fast as I can from all the boys I ever met." You chuckled, trying to relieve the tension.

Tony pulled you into a tight hug. "You'll be okay again, princess." You nodded, leaning into the hug. Everyone ended up piling on, offering you words of comfort through the group hug.

A couple weeks later, and you honestly felt better. Not all the way, but enough to want to go out with friends again. You went roller skating with Peter, MJ, and Ned.

It was the next logical step, going out with friends. It made sense. It was working.

Until you saw him. Jared was there with some other girl, skating without a care in the world. Of course, he saw you. He had the audacity to smile and wave, as if he didn't just break your heart.

When he walked up to you, you knew you had enough.

"Don't you smile at me and ask me how I've been. Don't you say you've missed me if you don't want me again." You spit the words at him, trying to hide how much it hurt. You turned away from him, nearly running from the rink before you even put the skates on.

You friends followed you out, profusely denying the need for your abundant apologies.

Ned and MJ hugged you before leaving, figuring less people would be better for you. Peter took you back to the tower, trying to help soothe the lingering ache.

"I just don't understand." You whispered from the passenger side of the car. "Why would he want to break a perfectly good heart?"

Peter struggled to come up with an answer, knowing nothing he said would really fix it.

"You'll find someone else. Someone who won't break your heart." He settled on a vague nod toward the future, knowing anything else could lead to him potentially ruining your friendship.

Unbeknownst to Peter, his words broke your heart just a little more. You always had a soft spot for Peter, and the few weeks you've been broken up from Jared have made you see him in a new light.

Of course, you wouldn't make a move though. Not yet. You didn't want him to think he was just a rebound. He's your best friend. It's too important to mess up with feelings.

You woke up the next morning with a slew of messages from Jared.

This is me swallowing my pride... telling you I'm sorry for that night.

I go back to December all the time.

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.

I'm wishing I realized what I had when you were mine.

You deleted them immediately, not wanting to fall back into his trap. Ultimately though, you decided to respond. You wanted to lay it all out that he missed his chance. You were over him, even if it still hurt.

I've lived, and I've learned. Had you, got burned. I'm over it, Jared. Leave me alone.

Then you deleted his contact and blocked the number. He couldn't just say those hurtful things to you and then pretend like it was a mistake. He meant every word he said that night, even if he doesn't believe it now.

Another week went by without incident. You were all smiles all the time, really moving on from him and the pain he put you through.

Then you got a letter. It looked like a card, so you figured it was an early Valentine's card.

Opening it up proved it to be just that.

The inside read:

"I don't wanna miss you like this. I don't wanna need you this way. Come back. Be here."

Signed from Jared with hearts.

Of course you chose to open the card as soon as you got it, with everyone watching.

Your expression fell as the words sank in, knowing he was still trying did weird things to your heart. It made you question everything. Did he really care about you? Was he just bored?

You stared at the card for what felt like an eternity before ripping it up and rolling your eyes.

Of course he doesn't care. Nobody who says to your face that they never loved you cares.

"What was that?" Wanda asked, curious about the mixture of emotions present on your face.

"A load of utter horse shit." You huffed a laugh as you threw away the pieces.

"Language!" Tony called, always taking the opportunity to tease Steve.

"Well it was!" You defended, eager to move on from the conversation. They all stared at you expectantly, clearly waiting for an explanation. "It was from Jared." You were glad Peter was sitting next to you. Just the mention of his name had him rubbing your back, trying to make it easier for you.

"You know, now that I'm sitting here thinking it through. I've never been anywhere cold as him."

You felt another group hug coming on, so you quickly excused yourself to shower, reassuring everyone that you were fine.

You were laying on the floor, feet up against the wall, just staring at the ceiling when Bucky and Peter walked into the gym to train with you.

"Hey, Y/N." Bucky called, a questioning look in his eyes.

"What's going on in your head?" Peter added, spelling out the question for you.

"I knew he was trouble when I met him." You answered him honestly. "And yet, I still said yes when he asked me out." You shook your head, still staring at the ceiling.

"Hey, hindsight is 20/20. Don't beat yourself up about it." Bucky chimed in, knowing how it feels to blame yourself for things that weren't your fault.

"Are you offering then?" You stood up, accepting Peter's hand to aid you. You brushed any lingering dirt from your clothes, laughing at Bucky's confused expression. "For me to beat you up instead?"

The three of you had a good laugh before you got to work training.

Three months post breakup and you're feeling great. At least, you're feeling great most of the time.

"Hey Y/N! What are you doing tonight?" Peter questioned as he walked up beside you in the lab, pulling out the tools he'll need.

"I don't know, nothing specific I guess." You try to remember any plans you had, but nothing comes to mind.

"Perfect. MJ, Ned, and I are going to go roller skating again. I thought maybe you'd wanna come?" He's clearly nervous, unsure if this would help or hinder your progress.

You nod your head, thinking it over. "You know what, I'm in." The determination in your voice catches Peter off guard.

"Cool, um, great. I guess you're doing better then?" He's still nervous, but eager to finally get you to fully open up to someone about everything.

"Yep. Anytime I get sad, I think of something shitty he did to remind me I'm better off." You smile, knowing he was going to ask for examples.

"Really? Like what?" You can't help but laugh lightly, enjoying how well you know Peter.

"Some vague things, like how he would look at me when he was annoyed. Like those eyes add insult to injury, you know?" He nods, but doesn't really understand.

"Or more specific examples, like that birthday party where you all kept asking me about him, and I made excuses, but truth is he just blew me off. That one honestly should've been the moment I knew."

"He did what?" Peter was livid, but trying to contain the rage to that of a concerned friend rather than jealous crush.

"Eh, I'm over it. It's pretty easy to focus on the bad aspects of the relationship when it ended so badly." You shrug, turning back to the circuit board you were working on.

"How, um, how exactly did it end?" He wondered aloud, knowing you hadn't fully told anyone yet. He watched as you tensed slightly before shaking it off.

"That's a story for another time Pete." You managed a tight smile, not wanting to delve into that conversation just yet.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." You mumbled under your breath.

You had been skating with Peter, Ned, and MJ for about an hour when he walked in.

Peter followed your line of sight, trying to understand your mumbling. When his eyes caught sight of Jared, he panicked.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry! I really thought this would help you this time." He rubbed his hands down his face, silently cursing himself for putting you in this position again.

"Don't worry about it Pete. I'm more prepared to handle it this time around." You laughed, watching out of the corner of your eye as Jared approached you.

"Y/N... I, uh, I've been trying to talk to you." He started boldy, not really caring that you weren't even looking at him.

You did your best to ignore him, but he grabbed your arm to stop you from skating away.

"Y/N, come on-"

"No." You spit at him, not letting him get under your skin. "People like you always want back the love they pushed aside, but people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye."

You yanked your arm out of his hand, turning back to your friends. "Let's keep skating. I have no reason to run away."

Peter watched, bewildered as you confidently skated across the rink.

The morning of what would be your three year anniversary with Jared felt weird. You weren't upset anymore, but the lingering nostalgia of celebrating an anniversary clung to you.

You deleted the email reminding you of the plans you were supposed to have that evening.

You sighed heavily as you walked into the kitchen, still trying to clear your head.

"You good?" Peter questioned, easily spotting that something was off.

"Yeah, it's just... I don't miss him. At all. I'm over it, but today would've been our anniversary..."

Peter nodded, trying to understand what you were feeling.

"It's strange to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers, everything... is gone." You told him the truth, trying not to hide your feelings.

Maybe you should be over it by now, but you spent the majority of your high school career with that guy. It sucks to think it was all a waste.

He pulled you into a hug, rubbing your back to comfort you.

"I mean, not to state the obvious, but I didn't get my perfect fantasy with Jared." You huffed, rolling your eyes.

"You'll find your perfect someone." He smiled, unaware of the fluttering in your stomach telling you that maybe you already had.

"Yeah, someone who won't say to my face that he never really loved me." You muttered, feeling the rage burn inside you again.

"He's an ass." You hugged him tighter, enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms.

Peter slowed as he walked past your door, listening as the songs changed. He recognized the intro as a song from folklore, but he wasn't sure exactly which one.

"I'm doing good. I'm on some new shit." You sang loudly unaware of listening ears outside the door.

Peter smiled, walking away so as not to interrupt your healing process again.

Meanwhile, you floated around your room, nearly screaming the along to the breakup songs as you finally rid yourself of any lingering items relating to Jared.

"But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you!" You grinned as you threw it all away, ready to fully move on.

When the elevator doors opened, Peter was assaulted with the blaring sounds of none other than Taylor Swift.

Apparently, you moved your dance party from your room to the living room, thinking you had the space to yourself for a little while.

He watched as you danced around the room, singing and smiling to your heart's content.

"So he calls me up, and he's like 'I still love you' and I'm like, "I'm just, this is exhausting you know, like..." You caught Peter's smile out of the corner of your eye, fully turning to look at him as you belted out the next line. "We are never getting back together. Like ever. Noooo."

You grab his hands, forcing him to dance and twirl around with you as the song comes to an end.

"I take it your really feeling better." Peter smiles, overjoyed to see you looking so exuberant.

"I am." You nod, keeping it simple.

"No more thoughts about Jared?" He questioned, smiling when you didn't even flinch at his name.

"Nope. I forgot that he existed." You smiled cheekily, still dancing although you turned the music down.

"That's good, then." Peter smiled, suddenly nervous. If you truly had moved on, maybe now was his chance.

"Hey Pete?" You questioned, smiling shyly.

"Yeah?" He stood in front of you, unsure of where this was going.

"I realized something this morning." You whispered, nervous for his response, but dying to tell him the truth.

"Yeah?" He waited, eager to know what you were hiding.

You pressed a quick kiss to his lips before pulling back, watching as he slowly grinned.

"Why'd you do that?" He asked, stunned but grinning like an idiot.

"'Cause, I like you," you smiled, but quickly added 'but I know that it's delicate."

"I wouldn't worry too much about that." He stated, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"No?" You leaned into his touch, feeling like you were on cloud nine.

"Nope. Cause I like you too."

He pulled you in for a deeper kiss, celebrating the beginning of this new stage of your relationship.

Permanent tag list:

@averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #marvel #maarvel fic #mcu #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #peter parker fic #avengers x reader #peter parker x Stark!reader

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gureishi · 4 years ago

Note

#6 Saeyoung / fm. Can it be kind of angsty with a good amount of nsfw please thank you

Your wish is my command! But for real though, I got a little carried away with this one because I just loved the scenario too much. Don’t raise the bar for me, y’all—these won’t all be this long! (Maybe. Unless they are. Who knows.)

six: just cause you don’t know what to say

SaeyoungXReader, M (sex!), words: 2846

Warning: this is NSFW! Don’t proceed if you don’t wanna read smut, pls~

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・��.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・

He’s hurt again.

Why is he always…

You thought you’d never have to see it again: Vanderwood delivering him to you unceremoniously, his shoulder bandaged; him limping toward you, holding out his good arm hopefully as if expecting you to run to him.

But here you are again. You stand in the garage, arms crossed over your chest. His expression falters as he takes in your posture—you’re certainly not leaping into his arms.

“H-hi babe!” He plays dumb, tries a big smile. You can see cuts and bruises on his face, and you don’t miss the way he winces as he gives you what he clearly thinks is an enthusiastic wave. You don’t move. He says your name, a little more quietly, a little more tentatively.

You force yourself to take a deep breath—in and out. You want to yell, to launch yourself at him and hit his stupid, beautiful face and make him swear never to leave you again.

“Where were you?” you ask instead, keeping your voice as level as you can. You don’t do a great job—he visibly recoils and you see Vanderwood already trying to slink off into the shadows.

Saeyoung takes another step toward you and you hold up a hand to stop him. There’s a pained look in his eyes, and you don’t think it’s from the injuries.

“You told me you were going to look at some files,” you say, hearing how cold your voice sounds, seeing the way it wounds him. “Did the files bite you?”

He tries to laugh and winces again and you almost take pity on him. He’s shivering a little—it’s cold in the garage, colder outside, and he’s in a t-shirt. Someone (presumably Vanderwood) has ripped off one of the sleeves to bandage up his shoulder.

Vanderwood has almost disappeared at this point—they’ve made it to the garage door, clearly hoping to dodge your wrath.

“Hey!” You point at them they jump, standing up stick straight. It would be almost comical, if not for the situation. “So what was the plan, then? Bring him along on some stupid half-baked money-grabbing mission and just hope I’d be able to track your bodies down if you got killed?”

Vanderwood’s expression softens, just a little. You realize there are tears in your eyes and you wipe them away furiously.

“I swear to god I thought it was going to be an easy one or I wouldn’t have brought him,” Vanderwood says in their calmest, most placating voice.

“Did you know he lied to me?”

Vanderwood slowly shakes their head. “To be fair, I didn’t ask.”

“Fine.” Clearly taking this as a dismissal, they duck their head and slip into the front seat of the car they’ve left running in the driveway. You hesitate, then: “Vanderwood?” They freeze again, turn to face you. “Are you hurt?”

Again, you see warmth in their eyes—just for a moment, and then it’s gone. They look between you and Saeyoung, who’s still standing stock-still in the middle of the garage as if waiting for instructions.

“I’m fine,” Vanderwood says.

“And does he need to go to the hospital?” You’re not messing around; if it were up to Saeyoung, he’d try and mend a broken bone himself.

“No,” Vanderwood says firmly. “Flesh wounds.” You raise your eyebrows as if to say really? and they nod. “This is nothing for him. Give him a day, maybe, and he’ll be back to normal.”

Without giving you the chance to ask anything else, Vanderwood gives you a little salute and revs the engine. You look down at the pavement, pushing back your tears by sheer force of will. You wail till their car is out of sight before addressing Saeyoung again.

“If they say you’re fine, then fine,” you say, and you turn on your heel and stalk back to the bunker—you’ve left the door hanging open, and the cold air is getting in.

Saeyoung still doesn’t move.

“A-are you going to let me inside?” he asks in a small voice. For a moment, you want to tell him no. You want to lock yourself up in his huge empty house (Saeran is out, at a doctor’s appointment, so you really would be alone), leave him there, make him wait until you’re ready to forgive him.

But you don’t do this—of course you don’t.

“Come in, then.”

You leave the door open for him and slip out of your shoes, kicking them against the wall with perhaps slightly too much fervor. He follows you, so slowly, so quietly, like he’s afraid to make a sound. Again, you feel a twinge of guilt. You wonder if it’s too late to go back, to forget it all, to wrap him up in your arms and kiss his bruises and reassure him that he’s safe.

Not yet.

He follows you, silently, down the hall and into the living room. You cross your arms again and face him. He looks so pitiful. Don’t give in.

“Saeyoung, tell me why you lied to me.”

He fidgets, like he always does when he’s nervous. He taps out a pattern on his leg with one hand; his injured arm hangs limply at his other side.

“I don’t know,” he says finally, almost inaudibly. There’s a dark, hollow look in his eyes, like he’s receding into himself.

“Hey.” Finally—finally—you move closer, and he flinches when you reach for him. You run a gentle finger along a new cut on his cheek, which intersects with an old scar. “You put me through about eight hours of torture, wondering where you were and if you were even alive, after I finally figured out you weren’t just ‘looking at files’ at Vanderwood’s house. You owe me an explanation.”

He swallows; his throat is dry. “It’s the only thing I know how to do,” he says in that same toneless voice. You sigh loudly. There are a million emotions battling inside you: you want to scold him; you want to check his wounds and re-dress them; you want to scream at him; you want to hold him.

“Sit,” you say. He sits on the couch, a little stiffly, and you go to the kitchen, get him a glass of water. You know enough about the kinds of missions he used to go on for the agency to understand more or less what he’s been doing for the last day. “I thought the agency didn’t exist anymore,” you say, returning to him; he takes the water gratefully and drinks it all, a little too fast.

“It doesn’t,” he says. “This was, um. Somebody Vanderwood owed a favor to. I think they just want…a clean slate.”

“And?” You perch on your knees beside him. You don’t have to forgive him, but you do have to see what’s going on with his shoulder. He flinches, inhaling sharply, as your fingers graze the bandage.

“It’s done,” he says hoarsely. He hesitantly takes your hand off his arm and clutches it tightly in his own. “I’m—I’m really sorry I lied to you,” he stammers. “I shouldn’t’ve done that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” You slip your hand out of his grasp, return to the bandages. He tries his best to sit still as you unwrap them. Vanderwood was right—the wound is already healing. You’ve seen him with much, much worse.

You leave him again, gather the supples you need. When you’d first moved into the bunker, it was bare—he had no food to speak of, minimal personal possessions. Even then, though, he had first aid supplies: enough to stock several small hospitals.

You sit cross-legged on the couch, and he’s quiet as you clean the deep cuts in his shoulder and arm, as you wrap them with fresh bandages. You don’t ask how he got these particular injuries, and he doesn’t volunteer the information.

Finally, you stand, eyeing your work. You’ve done a pretty good job.

“Now take off your clothes.”

His eyes, which had been half-lidded as you worked—he’s exhausted, you can see it written in every line on his face—shoot open. Wide open. He laughs nervously.

“Umm, d-does that mean you forgive me?”

He’s blushing. Oh god.

“Of course not,” you say, too loudly. The back of your neck feels hot. “I need to see where else you’re hurt, idiot.”

“R-right.” He looks crestfallen and you almost laugh, almost bend down and press a searing kiss to his cute lips, dry and cracked as they are. But you don’t.

“I’m serious.”

He gulps and tugs off his shirt. It gets stuck on his head due to a combination of his bandaged shoulder and the one roughly torn-off sleeve. He struggles a little and it’s so adorable and sad that you can’t stand it, so you help him.

“Thanks,” he says in a low voice. The shirt is off.

“Shit, Saeyoung…”

His shoulder is the worst of it, but there are little cuts and bruises everywhere. A dark bruise, already purpling, runs up his side. You touch it as gently as you can and he shivers.

“Does it hurt?”

“N-not exactly…”

You feel his eyes boring into you and when you look up you can’t help but shudder—there’s a very familiar dazed, needy look on his face.

“Babe, not right now…!” The pet name slips out before you can stop yourself. You feel yourself melting a little, scorched by his gaze.

“I’m so sorry I lied,” he whispers and he makes his voice sound husky in a way he knows always sends a shiver up your spine. “I won’t do it again.”

Oh god.

Tentatively, he runs one hand down your side, skating over your hip. Fuck.

“Will you promise me never to do that again?” you ask him, trying to keep your voice stern—but it still comes out breathy and desperate.

“I swear,” he says. He’s getting more confident, bolstered by the yearning you can’t keep out of your voice. God, how you’d missed him. His slips his hand under your shirt, skating up your ribcage. You let him.

“What do you swear?” you ask. He takes your hips in both hands then and tugs you roughly onto his lap. You wriggle, straddling him, and he gasps, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.

“T-to never lie to you again,” he says. His hips are shaking. “To not do stuff that might get me killed anymore.”

“Even if Vanderwood asks you to?” He moans softly as you grind your hips against him; realizing you have all the power, you fumble with the button of his pants—unhook it, undo the zipper.

“No matter who asks m-me—ahhhh.”

You palm him through his boxers and he moans, wriggling beneath you. You take his good hand in yours and guide it to your leg, up your thigh, under your skirt, around your hip. You brush a hand over him again, feeling the way he’s straining against his underwear.

“And you’re really, really, really sorry?” you ask. You grind your hips against his erection and he mumbles something incoherent. He’s got a death grip on your thigh.

“What was that?”

“I-I…yeah, I…d-don’t know what else to say…” he mutters. You flutter your hips back and forth and feel his legs shuddering beneath you.

“Then don’t,” you say firmly. “Just touch me.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. His hand springs to action, trailing up your inner thigh and ghosting over your already-wet underwear.

“Don’t tease me right now,” you say. He audibly gulps and then moves one calloused finger over your clit, through your underwear. You see sparks and your vision goes blurry. There’s a burning heat inside of you now—you feel swollen and needy.

He flicks his finger over you again, falling into a rhythm. He’s gentle yet persistent. You scrunch your eyes shut and fireworks burst behind your closed eyelids and you have to grab the couch for purchase, avoiding his hurt shoulder. Your toes curl.

“Goddammit, Saeyoung…!” you whimper, and he moves faster, stirring the burning, blinding feeling inside you. You can’t help the way your hips are shaking and you can tell it’s driving him mad, too; he moans, deep and low, as you brush against his trapped erection again, and the sweet sound tears you open.

It’s as if you’re floating just above your body, watching from outside yourself. You feel the warm ocean of sensations cascading around you; you see yourself from above as your eyes fly open, your arms trembling, barely holding you up as you crest into him.

The feeling recedes in bits and pieces, trickling away, and you pant as you come down.

“Th-that was so hot,” he whispers. His eyes are dark, his pupils huge; through both of your underwear, you feel him twitch.

“I’ve never come quite like that before,” you murmur, inches from his lips; and then you kiss him, searing hot like the longing you felt when he was gone, hard like the way you wanted to hit him when you saw he’d gotten himself hurt again.

There’s a moment—a brief, flickering moment—when you think about sliding off his lap and walking away, leaving him trembling and desperate. You could.

But you want to feel him inside you too badly—want to see the look of utter relief and release on his sweet, bruised face.

You slip from his lap and tear your underwear off, not bothering with the rest of your clothes. He gazes up at you, adoringly, as if waiting for confirmation that you’re going to allow him the satisfaction he so desperately craves.

You bend over him and slip his boxers down; he sighs with relief as he springs free of the constraining fabric.

“Stay still.”

You straddle him again and brush against his tip, just barely touching. Another little spark bursts behind your eyes.

“P-please…” he whispers, and you see he’s long gone already; he looks almost drunk, his eyes unfocused.

So you oblige him. You slide onto him, sinking him deep into you, and moans a string of incoherent syllables. You lift up your hips, using the couch for support, avoiding his hurt arm, the cuts on his chest.

He’s unraveling before your eyes and it’s beautiful to watch. You slide your hips up and back, down and forward, slowly and then faster, faster, and he whimpers, and you feel a little shudder deep inside you as he thrusts back against, pushing himself deeper. He’s gasping for air and you clench your thighs around his hips and take control again, moving in a figure-eight, excruciatingly slow.

He groans and suddenly his arm is around your waist and, in an instant, you’re on your back on the couch, his face hovering over yours. Then he’s inside you again and the thrill of the moment gets to you and you moan along with him, clutching desperately at the fabric of the couch.

“S-Saeyoung, your arm—” you gasp. He holds up his injured arm and wiggles it in the air, showing you that it’s safe, and you laugh, clenching as he thrusts into you, and he’s completely undone.

He closes his eyes as he comes, head thrown back, and you skate your fingers over the exposed skin of his neck.

Eventually, he stills, panting—he lowers himself, collapsing against your chest. You wrap your arms all the way around him and nuzzle your face into his hair.

“So,” you say softly. “Was that your way of distracting me from scolding you?” He opens one golden eye and peers up at you.

“Did it work?”

“Saeyoung!”

“Ahhh! Sorry!”

You playfully bat at him and he rolls off of you, pulling himself up, running a hand through his sweaty, messy hair. His eyes are clear now.

“You can’t use sex to get me to forgive you whenever you do something bad, you know,” you tell him.

He waggles his eyebrows at you. “Can’t I?”

“No!”

“I know.” He sounds serious now, and he carefully knees beside you, taking your hand. “I am genuinely sorry I lied to you,” he says, his voice soft but firm. “I am sorry I got myself in another dangerous situation and made you worry. I promise not to do it again.”

“Good,” you say. You press little kisses to each of his calloused fingertips. “Now go change and get emotionally prepared because Saeran’s going to be home soon and he’ll be even madder at you than I was.”

Saeyoung yelps, shoots up from the couch, winces, and stumbles to the bedroom, pants still bunched around his thighs.

You’re serious about the promise—you mean to hold him to it. But it’s so hard to stay mad at him, you think, stretching and collecting your underwear from where it’s gotten wedged between two couch cushions. He’s just too easy to forgive.

#mystic messenger #mysticmessenger #mysme #mm #request #gureishi writes requests #otomefoxystar #saeyoung choi #707 #saeyoungxreader #707xreader #spicy spaceship

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starshine-hockey-girl · 3 years ago

Text

Mixed Signals- Magical Mystery Ride Chapter Nine

Summary: Theodora Baxter has ways been different than what other people expect. No single woman is expected to resist Tyler Seguin's flirting ways and put him straight into friendzone, right? No single woman is expected to resist Jamie Oleksiak's quiet charm and keep him at arm's length in a friend's with benefits arrangement, right? With a universe hidden behind her eyes, a heart full of gold and an intensity that rivals the fiery red of her hair, she'll also discover how different love can also be...

Word count: a little over 6.5 K

Author’s note: This is going to be next to the last chapter that is Lex(Big Rig) and Teddy focused. I may be playing fast and loose with some actual facts about Oleksiak’s playing time etc. Don’t fact check this chapter too closely. I also realize that I wrote Big Rig as possibly the most emotionally self aware man but hey, it’s all a fantasy, right?

Warnings: SMUT and lots of ANGST.

Chapter Eight- https://swsaradee.tumblr.com/post/656707836505636864/emotional-hangover-magical-mystery-ride-chapter

Sunday, November 18th

Katie and Teddy lept to their feet as the first period was coming to a close with the Stars tied with Oilers 2-2. Jamie had one assist and was in a battle for the puck when the horn sounded. A chippy scrum quickly developed around Jamie as both teams converged. Teddy gasped when she saw Lex pair up with Pat Maroon. When she saw him shaking his head and chirping at Maroon, she was certain that he was about to drop his gloves and a battle of the Big Rigs would take place.

The refs tried to separate them temporarily, but Lex maintained his hold on Maroon’s jersey. When the linesman skated to address another Oiler, Lex started throwing rights and making contact with the helmet-less Maroon. He drove him down to the ice before being torn off by the refs. Teddy watched him skate off the ice, dropping F bombs along the way, and make his way up the tunnel. He hit the wall in anger before disappearing into the locker.

Teddy turned to Katie and said in jest, “Holy shit, that was hot.” It was the first of Lex’s fights that she had witnessed in person and the raging testosterone was doing a number on her libido. She sent a quick text to Lex. She was fairly certain he wouldn’t read it until after the game, but felt inspired.

Katie watched Teddy hit the send button and nudged her, “So how turned on are you right now?”

Teddy turned and feigned surprise, ”I have no idea what you mean. There is nothing sexy about hot sweaty men oozing testosterone and passion. I mean I would never find inspiration in such activity.”

They shared a look before busting in laughter. Katie teased, “Some of the best sex Jam and I have is following one of his fights.” The duo hit the bar in the back of the suite for drinks before returning to their seats for the second period. The Oilers scored two goals before the Stars struck back with a little over minute left in the period. Teddy cheered loudly when they announced Lex with the secondary assist. She sent him a second text during the intermission.

The Stars let loose on scoring during the third period with three unanswered goals. The suite celebrated the impressive 6-3 victory and the wives and girlfriends gathered to make their way down to the lower levels of the arena to await their significant others. Teddy picked at her Stars sweatshirt, noticing she was the only one in the group not wearing a jersey with their SO’s name and number on the back of it. She pursed her lips and pondered if she should get one or not. If they were truly dating, would she be wearing his jersey at point in the relationship? Is it odd not to have one? She was lost in her thoughts when Tyler nudged her coming out the locker room. Teddy looked up as he joked, “Number one rule of hockey is keep your head up.”

“I thought that was only on the ice. I didn’t realize I would be in danger here in the hallway,” she retorted.

“It applies everywhere, Teddy, everywhere,” he chuckled as he moved down the hall to find Bree.

Inside the locker room, Lex retrieved his phone from his suit jacket and read the texts from Teddy. As a smile formed, he checked over his shoulders to see if the texts were visible to anyone else. A slight blush filled his cheeks as he exited the locker room. He scanned the crowd outside and made his way to beautiful redhead and wrapped his arms around her waist. He pulled her up so that he could kiss her neck as she laughed. “So, the fight turned you on, heh?” he nuzzled into her neck.

She nodded affirmatively as he set her back down. “For the love of God, can the two of you get a room?” Jamie Benn bellowed from across the hall. Lex raised his arm and promptly flipped the captain off while Teddy stifled her laughter.

“Ready to go?” he whispered before bending down so she could jump on his back, then he carried her to his truck.

“Your place or mine?” Teddy questioned as she was looking at her phone in the front seat of the truck.

“Huh?” he answered.

“I need to know if we are going to your place or mine. I assumed that you wanted to go to either one after the game. Was I wrong?” she stuttered.

“Oh yeah, Taylor is in town so Johnsy wants the place to himself tonight,” he replied.

Teddy shifted in her seat, “All night?”

Lex looked over as he started the engine, “Yeah, unless you are uncomfortable with it.” Spending the night had been an unspoken boundary in their relationship. They often met up at either place for late night or early morning rendezvous, but never actually slept in the same bed. “It’s just that Taylor doesn’t come that often, so I want to give them privacy.” He continued, “I can sleep on the couch if you prefer.”

Teddy looked down for a moment and replied, “Don’t be silly. Of course, you can stay the night. It will be fun.”

Lex carried the grocery bags up the stairs while Teddy ran ahead to unlock the door. She had insisted on stopping at the store to grab toiletries for Lex to use in the morning- just the hygiene essentials, condoms and his preferred beer. He shook his head as she insisted on him smelling different body washes to choose the “manliest”. “All of my body washes are either floral or fruit scented,” she insisted, “If you come in tomorrow smelling like peonies or roses, they are going to give you an even harder time.”

It had become quite the past time for the last month for guys to unmercifully tease Lex since their bathroom sex had been outed by Radalov. The revelation of scratches on his back coupled with the bite mark on his right shoulder only added fuel to the fire. Although he never complained about abuse, Lex was irritated about it. He was accustomed to his sex life being private and now the whole world (at least within the team) seemed to be aware of it.

Teddy and Lex were making out on the couch when the Uber Eats driver knocked on the door. “You ordered food?” he guessed as she went to the door to grab the bags.

“Yeah, it was the whole reason I needed to know where we were going to be earlier. I wanted to surprise you with dinner to celebrate your game,” she divulged.

Lex gave her a soft smile and got up to assist with the food. He grabbed plates and silverware from the cabinets as she set out the food. “You got me ribs from Hutchins BBQ?” he beamed, “those are my favorite!” Teddy rolled her eyes as he gleefully went down the line of each item- macaroni and cheese, broccoli salad, baked beans and peach cobbler. He stood behind her kissed her neck, “This is all for me, Bliss?”

She turned to face him, lifting herself onto the kitchen island. He walked over and stood between her legs. She echoed his words, "All of it is for you, Lex” as she wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed his neck. "Dinner can wait," he said as he lifted her into his arms and carried into the bedroom, dropping her unceremoniously on the bed.

She sat up and lifted her sweatshirt over her head, revealing her black lacy bra. “Hey Lex,” she asked, “does it bother you that I am only one of the WAGS that doesn’t wear a jersey?”

He looked at her confused as he pulled her jeans and panties off, “WAGS?”

Teddy reached for his belt and unbuckled it before unbuttoning his pants while he removed his shirt, “You know, wives and girlfriends? Everybody that sits up in that suite. They all have their man’s jersey and I just usually have a plain Stars t-shirt or sweatshirt.” She looked up at him while he hesitated. “Shit forget I said anything,” she sighed and went to pull down his pants and boxer briefs.

He leaned down and kissed the top of her head as she kissed his chiseled abs gently. They both maneuvered onto the bed and Lex’s body hovered over hers. He bent down to kiss her neck and jawline. “You can wear whatever you like, Bliss. It doesn’t matter to me,“ he lied to her and to himself. A moment of uncomfortableness passed between the two of them and they struggled to move past it. Teddy wanted to say something, but words escaped her, so they silently explored each other with their mouths as the physiology of it all began to take hold.

Finally, Teddy spoke as she reached for his cock, “I have been thinking about this since the end of the first period. Is it bad that you watching you fight turns me on?” She leaned and took it into her hand, swirled her finger around it before moving her hand down the shaft.

“How much did it turn you?” he sputtered before inhaling deeply.

“Feel me and find out, Lex,“ she answered, “If I could have, I would have gone down and fucked you between periods.”

He pressed against her and rocked, “Would you? Right there in front of everyone?” he questioned, “How? How did you want me to fuck you?”

Teddy squirmed beneath him and blushed, “from behind.” Lex deftly flipped her onto her stomach and reached into the nightstand drawer for the condom. “On your knees,” he demanded. Teddy complied with his request and turned her head to watch him enter her. He grabbed her hips firmly, placing his large hands on them for traction and began to fuck her hard and deep. Teddy adjusted with each thrust until she found the perfect angle. It was quick and rough, but oh so good.

Afterwards, they showered together, and the playful banter returned. They ate their food on the couch while watching the Matrix movies, which was Teddy’s idea to complete the Lex-centric celebration. Sometime during the second movie, she asked if he minded if she read a book instead. She found the movies mind-numbingly boring, but he seemed to enjoy them. She grabbed her book and rested her head in his lap. He stroked her hair and watched the movie. They stayed in that position for hours. It was all too domesticated and neither of them seem to care in the moment. When they finally went to bed, Lex curled his body around hers and pulled her to him. Teddy slept better than she had since pre-Chaz, and pre-Frankie’s death.

Thanksgiving-Thursday, November 23rd

Teddy stood in her mother’s kitchen, crumbling cornbread into the large bowl. Elizabeth stirred the celery and onions as they sautéed in the pan. “Teddy Bear, what time will the boys be over this afternoon?”

Teddy looked up, “I told them to be here by 1:30 and that lunch would be served at two. They will want to watch the game that starts at three. After the Cowboy game, we’re going to Jamie Benn’s for a s’mores party.”

Elizabeth smiled, “Perfect. Now tell me their names again.”

A week earlier Teddy’s parents had balked when she said that a group of players were going over to Lex and Johnsy’s apartment for a take-out Thanksgiving. Elizabeth had insisted that they come to the house for a properly prepared Thanksgiving meal. Lex, through Teddy, tried to explain that most of them didn’t even celebrate Thanksgiving so it was no big deal. Still, Elizabeth insisted, and the group enthusiastically accepted her offer of a home cooked meal.

Lex and Johns were the first to arrive. They presented Elizabeth with a bouquet of fall flowers and Robert with a bottle of whiskey. Lindell, Hintz, Fafska and Klingberg arrived shortly after with a bottle of wine. They filled their plates full of appetizers and disappeared into the media room to watch the tail end of the Lions football game while Teddy and her mom finished the last-minute preparations.

When they all sat at the dining room table, the men marveled at the amount of food. Elizabeth joked that she had not know how much a “growing hockey boy” would eat so she tripled the recipe for everything.

Robert requested that they all go around the table and list at one thing they were thankful for. Teddy smiled as she listened to the boys- playing in the NHL, good health, supportive families at home. Stephen Johns listed his girlfriend, Taylor, who was back at home. She chuckled when Lex teasingly listed being thankful that Teddy took him to see Wicked and now makes him listen to the soundtrack on repeat. Elizabeth got choked up and admitted she was thankful to once again have a full table for Thanksgiving. Teddy eyes welled up with tears when her father, Robert, said he was most thankful that Teddy was genuinely happy. Lex blushed when Teddy said she was the most thankful for her friends and especially her new best friend.

Lex had insisted that the boys do all the dishes while Teddy and her mom created to-go boxes carefully labelled with their names. Motivated the idea of homecooked leftovers, they made quick work of it before settling in for the Cowboys game. Lex and Teddy snuggled on the end of the couch and didn’t notice when Johnsy took the picture of them and posted it on Instagram. The Cowboys had a dismal performance, but it didn’t the damper the afternoon.

Everyone was in good spirits when they left the Baxters to go to Benn’s house. Lex gave Teddy a long hug and kiss before heading off in his truck while Teddy followed in her Jeep. The world was good and right, and Teddy was unaware of the storm that was about to hit her.

Teddy found a parking spot in the driveway and walked toward the door holding her pie when she heard Lex’s booming voice. “What the fuck did you do Johnsy?” he bellowed. Teddy stopped in her tracks.

“Dude, it was just a picture on Instagram. What’s the problem?” Johnsy answered in astonishment.

Lex hissed, “The problem is Ashley saw it and commented on it. Now she knows about Teddy.” Teddy’s breath hitched when he called her by her name. She couldn’t recall a time since they had made their arrangement that he hadn’t call her either Bliss or Bliss Babe. Lex hadn’t noticed Teddy when his phone rang. “Ash,” he began, “Hey, how are you? Oh her, she is just a friend. I barely know her…..” as he turned and saw Teddy staring back at him.

Steeling her back, she pushed passed him and went into the house. Johnsy followed her into the house, “Teddy, are you okay?” Tyler lifted his head from the couch and saw Teddy storming into the kitchen, clearly in a state of distress.

He jumped from the couch and bounded into the kitchen, “Teddy, what’s wrong?”

She put her pie down on the counter with a thump. “What’s wrong? Men. Men suck,” she seethed.

Tyler blinked and tried to interject, “Well, that’s a given, but what happened?”

She tried to walk past him but her stood in her way, “Teddy-tell me what’s wrong”

“You finally got your wish. Big Rig is what is wrong. Are you happy now?” she took his shock as the opportunity to slide past him and out of the kitchen. She marched into the living room to find Katie and Jamie snuggled in a chair. “Hey, I am not feeling well. I dropped off the pie, but I am heading out,“ Teddy’s voice quivered and she turned to make her exit.

When she got back outside, Lex was ending his phone call. He looked up at Teddy with a mixture of regret and anger. Teddy stopped and stared at him. “Why were you screaming at Johnsy?” she questioned.

“He posted a picture of us on Instagram,” Lex admitted.

“So, a picture of us on Instagram is worth shouting at your best friend? Why?” Teddy raised her voice, “because Ashley saw it? Why do you care if Ashley saw it?” It was Lex’s turn to stare at her. “Tell me, Lex. Tell me what is so earth shattering that your ex saw a picture of us together on Instagram.” Teddy’s body shook with hurt and anger, “Am I a secret? Just some girl that you…. how did you phrase it…. barely know? Tell me-did you barely know me Sunday when you were fucking me from behind”

Lex took a gulp and looked at the window to see where the group had gathered to watch the fight. He had reached his breaking point and being exposed again in front of his teammates pushed him over the edge. He stood in front of her and yelled, “Don’t be crude, Bliss. It’s unattractive. You know what I meant. We had a simple agreement- fake date to get the WAGS off my back. It’s not my fault that you took it somewhere else and crossed the line. It’s not my fault that you tried to make me into your boyfriend. My God, do you know how much abuse I took about the Halloween party? Did you think I wanted everyone to know?”

Teddy stepped back in disbelief and sobbed, “What are you doing Lex? Why are you saying this?”

Lex looked at her and sighed, “because it’s the truth.”

Teddy turned and raced to her Jeep. She jumped and grabbed the steering wheel. Her grip was so tight that her knuckles turned white, and she willed herself to breathe. She was dazed and confused. Had she crossed the line? Had she forced him to cross the line? Had she just imagined the friendship? Had Tyler been right all along? She grabbed her keys and put them in the ignition before grabbing them out again and stepping down from the jeep, slamming her door.

Lex had turned to walk inside when she threw a rock past his head. He turned to face her, “What the fuck was that Bliss?”

“First of all, don’t call me that name. You don’t get to act like an asshole and call me that name. There is only one person who gets to call me that and apparently he isn’t here right now,” she exclaimed.

He rolled his eyes, “Is there a second of all? You are not very good at this “of all” stuff, remember?”

She straightened her back and continued, “SECOND of all, I didn’t force you to do a goddamn thing. If there were lines that were crossed, we crossed them together. I wasn’t holding a gun to your head. You could have said no at any time. I was very clear at every step of the way that we were and are friends. I didn’t try to make you into my boyfriend because I wouldn't WANT you as my boyfriend. Why would I want to be a man is so afraid of his ex-girlfriend seeing me? Why would I want to be with a who is still obviously in love with his ex? Why do I want a man who doesn’t want me as his girlfriend?”

“You know what?” she continued her rant, “Two months ago, I would have settled for that scenario. I would have settled for a man who was unable or unwilling to love me completely. I would have been happy to get any sort of attention that because I didn’t feel like I deserved any better. But that all changed, Lex. You changed me when we became friends and you reminded me of my worth. You told me the truth- that I am beautiful and amazing and deserved to be treated well. So no- I won’t accept you diminishing our friendship and me to just “some girl I barely know” when it’s not the reality.”

She walked back to the jeep and opened the door, “If you don’t want to be my friend anymore, I will accept that, but I will not allow you to treat me like shit. FUCK YOU OLEKSIAK!”

Lex turned and skulked into the house and past the crowd, “Show’s over, folks” He went to kitchen to grab a beer and drank it in while everyone else stood in stunned silence. It was one thing to see Big Rig unleash his anger on the ice, but he had never done so off the ice.

Tyler slipped out the front door and jogged over to Teddy’s jeep. She was sitting in stunned silence, tears streaming down her cheeks. He tried to open the door, but she stopped him. “Tyler, go inside,” she cried, “just go inside. I can’t take another man who is faking being my friend.”

Tyler frowned, “Teddy, I am not faking. We are friends.”

“Do you have a penis? Because all you penis people hurt me,” she sobbed, “Please, I am begging you go inside so I can go home. I just want to go home.” Teddy started her jeep and put in gear and sped off.

Tyler turned on his heels and walked back into the house. At this point, the party had come to a complete stop. Tyler walked into the kitchen and stood on the opposite side of the island as Oleksiak. “What?” Oleksiak challenged.

“You just going to let her leave like that? You broke her heart man.” Tyler scolded.

Oleksiak looked down and sighed, “I know-I fucked up. I fucked it all up”

Tyler took grabbed his jacket and walked toward the door, “Yeah, you did. Fix it Big Rig. You better fucking fix it.”

Teddy didn’t head to her apartment until hours later. She had driven the highways around the city several times. Her heart ached and head pounded. She had settled on the first Break Up playlist she found on Spotify and turned it up. She laughed at herself, “You’re a fucking idiot, Theodora. This is not even a breakup. You have to be together in order to break up. Fuck, why did you let your guard down? Why did you believe any of it?”

So, she drove until her arms started to ache and until her eyes began to blur. She pulled into her driveway and glanced at her phone and saw the 15 missed calls from Tyler, the 5 missed calls from Katie, a voicemail from Bish, and one text from Lex. She listened to the voicemail from Bishop as she got out of the jeep, “Hey it’s Bishop, not sure where you are or what’s going on, but you gotta call Seguin back before he loses his damn mind. He made me come physically check to see if you are home which you are obviously not. So yeah, call him so I can get some sleep.”

She checked the text from Lex.

“Hey,” Tyler gently called from the steps.

Teddy’s head snapped up, “What are you doing here, Tyler?” She climbed onto the step next to him and nearly collapsed in exhaustion.

“I had to check on you. I needed to know that you were okay,” he confided.

“I’m not okay, Tyler. I am not okay at all,” she sobbed. “Did you hear what he said about me? I am just some girl he barely knows-a nothing. You were right, Tyler. He was just using me to get laid. I never meant anything to him.”

Tyler pulled her into his chest, “That’s a lie. Your anxiety is lying to you. He fucked up and he knows it, but you mean more to him that he can admit.” He wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently before continuing, “You gotta know that Teddy. You will never be “just some girl”. You are too amazing for that, okay? Tell me that you believe that.”

Teddy sat up and faced him, “I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you a lie.”

“What’s the lie though? That you are amazing? Because that’s the fucking truth. Is the lie that you don’t believe it? I think that you do believe it. If you didn’t believe that you are amazing, you wouldn’t have stood up to him and stood up for yourself.”

Teddy sniffed and smiled, “Yeah, I did do that, didn’t I? That was pretty bad ass.” She leaned her head on Tyler’s shoulder, “I’m sorry that I accused you of being a fake friend. You are a good friend to me.”

“Even though I am one of those penis people?" He laughed, "By the way, I am only going to refer to myself as a penis person from now on. I might even get it tattooed on me like a tramp stamp.”

Teddy stared at him and smirked, "You surr about that Seggy? Think it through."

"What? I think it would look cool. Don't be a hater." He teased her.

"Penis Person tattooed above your ass? Seems like a message. Not that I am judging, but it sends a message," she laughed.

"Oh shit, didn't think of that," he laughed.

"That's why I am here- to save your ass literally and figuratively."

They both looked up as they saw headlights in the driveway. Oleksiak parked his truck and walked up. “Fuck,” he whispered as he watched Teddy and Tyler eyed him with suspicion.

Tyler whispered, “You want me to stay?”

Teddy hesitated before answering, “No, I got this.”

Tyler stood up and stretched as Oleksiak rocked on his fight from side to side, fidgeting with his keys. He started walking to his car and paused at Big Rig, “Look, I am going to support whatever decision Teddy makes, but get this straight. If she gives you a second chance, don’t fuck it up. If you hurt her again, I will hurt you. Understand?”

Oleksiak nodded solemnly before going to stand before Teddy as she sat on a step. He stood and she sat in silence until Tyler drove off into the night. “What do you want, Jamie?” Teddy spit out and Oleksiak winced at the sound of his name.

He had to look up slightly to see into her eyes, “I am sorry, Bliss. I am so fucking sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

Teddy crossed her arms, “You can’t call me that right now. I am not your Bliss. I am not sure I am ever going to be your Bliss again.”

He kicked the bottom stair and stated, “That’s fair. I deserve that, but can I talk to you? Try to explain?”

She pointed to the stair below hers and got up. “I’m going to need a drink for this. Do you want one?” she called as she climbed the stairs, not bothering to listen for a response. She made him sit outside in the chilly November weather while she made herself a mug of hot chocolate and poured a little whipped cream flavored vodka in it. She brought her mug and blanket with her outside and resumed her position above him, “Go ahead-explain.”

Oleksiak leaned back against the stair railing and began, “I thought everything was good. We were on the same page and both enjoying ourselves until Sunday when you asked about the jersey. It confused me because we had been so clear about being friends before that.”

Teddy blinked, swallowed, and asked, “Can I respond or is there more?”

“There’s more, obviously,“ he continued, “So I started thinking about the whole thing and all the things that had been annoying me began to build up. Then the Instagram picture was the last straw before I blew up.”

“So now I can respond or is there more?” she pestered.

“Yes, you can fucking respond,“ he spit out.

Teddy raised her eyebrow and began to gather her stuff. Oleksiak threw his hands up, pleading, “Wait, I’m sorry. Go ahead and respond.”

Teddy resumed her position, “Well, there is just so much to unpack here, isn’t there? Let’s start with Sunday. After the game ended, I realized that I was the only one in the suite that wasn’t jersey of the person that they came with. I questioned myself because if I was your girlfriend-which we were still pretending to most people I was-wouldn’t I be wearing your jersey by now? I mean Bree wears Seguin’s jersey. So that was my thought process behind the question. I wasn’t trying to trick you into saying I am your girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Oleksiak uttered.

“That’s right-Oh,” Teddy sighed. “By the way, if you want to be technical, you are the one who requested that I sit in the suite. You know who sits in that suite. I resent the implication that my question sent a mixed signal when you sent one as well.”

“That’s fair,” Oleksiak admitted, “It wasn’t my intention.”

“But why not tell me that you were confused when I asked the question?” she countered.

It was Oleksiak’s turn to raise an eyebrow, “I think you know why. You were naked underneath me and all I could think about was fucking you.”

Teddy involuntarily smiled at the memory before interjecting, “Yes, but you could have said something while we ate dinner, watched the movie, or slept in the same bed. It wasn’t fair to me to keep me in the dark. What are the other things that I did to annoy you? Why didn’t you tell me I was annoying you?” Teddy’s stomach clenched as she spoke, “You know one of my greatest anxieties is that people secretly think I am annoying, and here you are telling me that it is true.”

Oleksiak reached for her hand and she pulled it back. “Bliss…. Fuck Teddy,” he said softly, “I wasn’t annoyed with YOU. I was annoyed that everyone knew so much about us. It felt intrusive and uncomfortable. I don’t usually put my personal life out there and the guys gave me SO.MUCH.SHIT about it. It just started to build a resentment towards you that wasn’t your fault. Then today was amazing at your parents. It felt like we were really together, you know. Thanksgiving at your parents with friends surrounding us and the things that were said just felt so real, I just freaked out a little bit.”

Teddy leaned against his shoulder, “Why did you freak out? Is the thought of REALLY being with me so scary?”

Oleksiak shook his head and reached for her hand again. “No, it was the opposite of scary. The feeling of it being real was so good and easy that it scared the shit out of me.”

Teddy looked up in surprise, “Why?”

He paused and continued, “because I was scared that I wasn’t ready to love you. I was scared that I would fuck it up. Clearly, I was right on both fronts. My reaction to Johnsy posting that pic just set me off. When Ashley saw it and called, I just tried to push the idea of us so far down and away that I hurt you.” His voice trailed off in a whisper. He looked up but the tears still fell from his eyes, “It was the last thing I ever wanted to do, Bliss. I am so fucking sorry that I hurt you and made you feel unimportant. I am sorry that I am not ready to love you. You deserve to be loved. I hope that you will forgive me.”

Teddy pushed up and kissed his cheek softly, “Shhhh, Lex- I know that would never intentionally hurt me. You are not that guy.”

Lex turned his head and gently kissed Teddy’s lips, then placed his hands on either side of her face to pull her closer to him. Teddy put her hand on his chest and pushed him away. “No, Lex. You may have not INTENTIONALLY hurt me, but you did hurt me. I am not going to give you a free pass on that as much as I want to comfort you and have you comfort me. You hurt me and it is going to take more one conversation to heal that hurt. I am going to need time to heal so I am going to need you to go home now.“

She gathered her mug and rewrapped her blanket around her shoulders as Lex stood up.

“Can I see you tomorrow? Take you to breakfast?” he pleaded.

“I’ll think about it. You should go home and apologize to Johns, you know. You should also probably thank Tyler for talking me off the proverbial ledge before you got here,” Teddy acknowledged. She gave him a quick hug and a kiss before walking away, “Lex, we will be fine- just not today.”

In the apartment, Teddy picked up Josey and snuggled with her on the couch. “Be glad you don’t have to deal with men, Josey,” she quipped as she picked up her phone, “They are nothing but a pain in the ass.” She sent a quick message to Tyler to let him know that she was fine, and then opened Instagram to find the picture that Johns had posted earlier. She smiled because it was a sweet picture, but the caption made Lex’s reaction make so much more sense- “Big Rig and his girl.” She was about to text Katie when saw Tyler’s comment- #couplegoals with a heart emoji.

Friday, November 24th

It was still dark when Teddy awoke to her alarm going off. It was the holiday weekend, but she had plans to hit the Black Friday sales with Katie. They planned on hitting the Christmas Angel tree and fulfilling as many Christmas wishes as they could in one day. She dressed in chic and comfortable layers for the day ahead and made a pot of coffee when she heard the knock on the door. She yelled for Katie to come in as she grabbed two coffee mugs from the cabinet. “Hey” Katie said as she came through the door, “Did you know that Big Rig is asleep in his truck outside right now? Are you two still fighting?”

Teddy dropped her spoon and ran to the door, “Not exactly fighting, but what the fuck?” She ran down the stairs and stopped by truck door, catching her breath before knocking on the window.

Lex startled awake, looked around in confusion, then saw Teddy standing outside in the cold. He blinked for a moment before he fully awoke, “Bliss- ummm hi” He slid out of the truck and stretched his arms and back.

“What are you doing out here? I thought you were going home last night,” Teddy questioned.

“Well, I was but then I wanted to stay in case you changed your mind about me coming in or made a decision about breakfast. I set an alarm, but I guess you got up earlier than I thought.”

Teddy rolled her eyes, “Come inside, Lex. I will get you some coffee.”

Katie was smirking when Lex and Teddy appeared from outside. Teddy strode over to the counter and grabbed a tall travel mug from her cabinet while Lex watched her tenderly from the other side of the counter. Teddy proceeded to make Lex’s coffee and hand it to him across the counter. Their eye locked when their hands touched and Katie made her exit to the restroom.

“Lex, did you really sleep in your truck all night?” Lex nodded yes and she continued, “That’s not good, Lex, especially the night before a game. You can’t stay though. I have plans today with Katie to go shopping, but I can see you after the game. I am going to sit with my parents tonight, but I could see you afterwards for a bit. Go home and get some rest before morning skate.” The trio walked out together. Teddy walked Lex to his truck and gave him a kiss as he slid into his seat, “See you tonight.”

Teddy grabbed her phone and started a text conversation with Tyler while Katie drove to the mall.

Teddy: Hey, good morning. Can you do me a favor?

Tyler: Depends. What’s the favor?

Teddy: Can you get the guys to back off Lex about me?

Tyler: What? Why? Is that the reason he went off yesterday?

Teddy: One of many reasons. We had some mixed signals and bad communication We are working it out now.

Tyler: Mixed signals? Yeah, I could see how you sucking his dick would give him a mixed signal.

Teddy: Fuck off.

Tyler: Such language!

Teddy: So you are telling me that EVERY girl that ever sucked your dick was giving you a signal that she wanted to be a relationship with you? Is that what you are saying? How do you feel about breaking all those hearts, Tyler?

Tyler: Fuck. I hate when you do that.

Teddy: What? Hit you with logic and reasoning to expose your internalized misogyny?

Tyler: Yeah that.

Teddy: Deal with it. Back to the favor- can you get the chirping to stop? I have a feeling who the ringleader is and I would appreciate it if it stopped, okay?

Tyler: Not making any promises but I will stop chirping.

Teddy: Thanks buddy.

Tyler: Please refer to me as penis person

Teddy: As long as you realize that you are my second favorite penis person.

Tyler: You wound me.

Teddy: Two words for you- multiple orgasms

Tyler: Stop it or the chirping will continue.

Teddy: Fine. I will be good. Just get the guys to ease up on him and don’t give him a hard time about last night, okay?

Tyler: Will do.

Teddy was exhausted at the end of the game. She and Katie had completed the complete Christmas wish lists of twenty Angels and dropped them back at collection center. Teddy had eaten dinner and attended the game with her parents in their suite. She made a point to avoid the WAG suite altogether to avoid any intrusive conversations about the night before. Outside the locker room, she greeted Tyler and gave him a hug to celebrate his hat trick. Lex had been a healthy scratch that night so both Teddy and he declined Tyler’s offer to come out to celebrate with shots.

Instead, Lex drove her to her apartment and returned home to his apartment. In the next two weeks, Lex was benched a total of five times. Teddy questioned Lex about it, but he brushed if off with a terse, “it’s just part of the game” answer. He finally played again on December 5th. They celebrated the Stars win, his return and third period goal with pizza and marathon make-up sex.

After his second healthy scratch the following week, Teddy reached out to Tyler.

Teddy: So when do I get concerned about Lex being scratched so often?

Tyler: Are you concerned or is he concerned?

Teddy: Me. I am getting nothing from him but lame answers.

Tyler: I can’t tell you much. Sorry.

Teddy: Can’t or won’t?

Tyler: Can’t. I am not going to be a part of those conversations. They are not asking my opinion.

Teddy: Should I be worried?

Tyler: It’s not good. That much I can tell you.

Teddy: If you hear anything will you tell me?

Tyler Sure thing

Tuesday, December 19th

Teddy was in the middle of an All-Team meeting at her corporate office when her phone dinged with a google alert message and she dropped her phone.

Chapter Ten- Like a Handprint on My Heart-https://starshine-hockey-girl.tumblr.com/post/657428862630756352/like-a-handprint-on-my-heart-magical-mystery-ride

#nhl imagine #dallas stars imagine #jamie oleksiak #jamie oleksiak smut #jamie oleksiak imagines #Tyler Seguin #tyler seguin imagine #nhl smut #tyler seguin fanfic #tyler seguin fic #Youtube

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messengerhermes · 3 years ago

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Let's talk home maintenance. Let's talk about home maintenance when the home is you. Content Warnings: This post is about building coping skills in the face of depression and PTSD, and other mental health challenges, it will allude to suicidal ideation and suicidality. So here's the thing. You are your house. Your body, your mind, all of you, is the home you live in. Some of the shit in your house is stuff you inherited, some of it's been gifted to you, some of it's found it's way in there over time, but all of it informs the general ambience of your home. Likewise, the rooms, the layout, the color of the walls, where your floorboards creak, and how the pipes whistle and hum when you run the hot water are all shaped by the experiences you've had from when you were first spat out into the world. Hell, they're shaped by the experiences of those who raised you in this world to. Having a home can be an incredible experience. But it can also, sometimes, be hell, be boring, be painful, be overwhelming. Especially because throughout our lives, our homes will change. New rooms will spring into existence, old ones may jam themselves shut. A cupboard you've never been able to get open will suddenly bang it's doors wide in the middle of the night. All the knick knacks well meaning relatives have given you over the years will break through the attic floor raining a clashing decor nightmare into your living room. The poltergeist you've managed to ignore for ten years will suddenly start rattling every tchotchke you've got, screaming loud enough to break glass whenever you have guests, and rearranging the contents off all your drawers. A hurricane will blow through and break all your windows, or a deep freeze will burst your pipes and flood the place. And when the home is you, you can't just sell it and buy a new one. There are periods in our life where our home may feel smothering, or frighteningly alien to us, or broken beyond repair, or any myriad of things that can warp the way we experience it. We can begin making our own ghosts, tearing at the floorboards and ripping up the plaster. We can stop believing that anyone would want to visit this place. Stop. Breathe. Here's a secret that is not a secret: No matter how often someone comes over to our house, they will never match the amount of time we spend there. Yes, even the people who we've decided to share gardens with, who we've built connecting walkways with. Even when you are absolutely sick of your house because it is always there with it's drippy pipes and groaning furnace and the wallpaper you loved five years ago but now it makes you nauseas to look at, other people are not going to feel that visceral exhaustion about your house, because they only ever visit. And the truth is, sometimes they are as deeply sick of their own houses as you are of yours, and sometimes, going to visit each other can help ease that frustration, that loneliness, and exhaustion. Even if neither of you does a damn thing to work on your houses in that moment. Sitting together, letting each other witness the ways your houses groan and rock in the wind, the faded places, the half finished renovations, is enough. Alright, now that this post has gone on for ages, I want to talk about home maintenance, or "What to do if you're getting sick of your house." This is not complete, or perfect, but hopefully it helps. 1. Sort through everything. Create an inventory of all the features and traits in your home, all the things it can do. Marie Kondo that shit. Decide what you're keeping, what you're tossing, and what to pass on to someone else. Thank the things you're letting go of, they came into your house because at some point you needed them, and it's okay to be different now. If you're struggling to find anything you like, or anything worth keeping, invite others into the process. Ask them to make lists of shit they like about you, things they notice as strengths, traits that come to mind when they think of you, or positive memories. Actually sit with those answers, don't dismiss

them. Figure out which parts feel good and which parts feel like you're playing a role that doesn't suit you anymore. Sort accordingly. Keep the list of all the things you're keeping somewhere you can review it often. Add to it as new things occur to you or people in your life pay you compliments.

2. Identify places for updates. Now that you're offloading some shit and know what you want to keep, think about what things you want updated. Maybe you want to change that aforementioned wallpaper. Maybe the boiler needs fixing. Maybe you want to call someone in to see about that poltergeist. Maybe you want a new kitchen. Break down the places you want change to happen into smaller components, and if possible, figure out how much time they might each take. You're not gonna rip out your entire kitchen all at once and get it done in a month, that's shit for real houses, not metaphor houses. But maybe you can tile a new backsplash, and then refinish your cabinets. Maybe you can get a new fridge.

3. Break things Up. Break those updates up into categories based on how much time and energy they'll take you. Something like "Quick Fixes" for updates that are just swapping things out (say, a new haircut, changes in wardrobe, different accessories, rearranging the furniture in your actual meatspace living space), "Short Term Projects" (like finding a new job, picking up a new hobby, reconnecting with folks, finding a therapist or support group--things that may require more energy than the quick fixes, but can be done over the span of a few months), and "Long Term Projects" (things like, going to therapy or joining a support group, addressing a deeper trauma or hard thing via talking with friends, reading on the subject and shifting behavior patterns, et al, this list is made up of stuff that can take years). For the long term projects, see if you can break them down into items that fit into the shorter lists (for example, if a long term project for you is Transition maybe that can be broken up into smaller components of changing your hair/clothes/pronouns, talking with close friends, accessing support groups, going to social events, identifying what you want for your transition, accessing healthcare if you're interested in medical transition). 4. Pace Yourself. Now that you've broken up your lists, figure out the pacing that works for you. Maybe you can do five quick fixes in a week and that will be a huge help. Maybe you can do a quick fix here and there and cycle between a couple of the short term projects. Maybe two of your long term projects overlap in some of their components and it makes them easier to tackle. Figure out what is doable for you, but also check in with yourself. Maybe you'll have a very "go go go" six months where you blast through a big chunk of short term projects, or feel like you make huge headway on a long-term project but then you hit a plateau. Don't try and force yourself to keep that pace, let yourself move where you're at. 5. Tell People About Your Housework. I know, vulnerability. Awful, disgusting, terrifying. Too bad. Do it anyway. Okay, let me be kinder here: When you tell people that your home is not perfect, that you have to do work on things, that you want to make changes and are, it give them permission to do the same thing. That's community, that's power, that's care. When you share, be clear about how you're sharing and what you're wanting from them. Are you looking for advice? Are you proud of something and want recognition? Do you need to be hyped up for something hard? Are you looking to share about the rough stuff and have the other person also share their rough stuff and that's how y'all support one another? 6. Call for a Barn Raising. Remember how I said if you can't think of things to keep when you're sorting through your house, call in others? Yeah, keep doing that. Maybe that support looks like just having someone sit with you as you talk through shit. Maybe it looks like getting to go out and blow bubbles in the park or ice skate, or lie in the grass and watch the clouds. Maybe it looks like grocery shopping together, or eating together so you'll actually eat. Maybe it looks like joining a Discord or Reddit with the same interests as you and posting. Our house is our own, but we are not meant to live all alone way up on some hillside, and we're not meant to fix up our homes alone either. Relearn pleasure with others, relearn joy, and curiosity, and grief, and hope and be held in your sadness and hurt. 7. Recognize Your Home is Lovable. Love is an action. Love is joy, is laughter, is pleasure, is tenderness. It is also care and effort. It is not easy to love in deep ways. It takes work, sometimes it means going out of your way, sometimes it means doing things that are tiring. You are not bad or wrong for sometimes requiring effort to love. Needing dedicated attention, having places where you bristle and snarl, having periods where you struggle to hold your home in tenderness and need others to remind you of its wonder is human. Be accountable for the

places your actions have left hurts, change your behavior, accept how relationships shift in the wake of your actions. But do not let the shame monsters in your basement chew away at the floorboards above them til everything falls in that pit. Practice believing you are worthy of love, even in the painful moments where someone you love may no longer love you in turn. Yes, this step is hard as shit. When we lose a person's love, or are struggling to love ourselves, it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking we are not worthy of anyone's love at all. But we are. It's as simple and profoundly difficult as that.

8. Rest and Feel Good. Literally, do nothing. Lie belly up in the sunshine. Read/listen to a good book, enjoy a show you love. Create emotional playlists and lose yourself in feelings. Paint, draw, sculpt, crochet, cross stitch, play an instrument, do it wonderfully, do it terribly, just do it if it feels good. Shove your hands in the dirt and make homes for tender seedlings, enjoy their journey, mourn when they wither, celebrate when they bloom. Cook things you've never made before, cook things you make all the time. Relish good food. Relish criticizing terrible food. Go to markets and shove your hands in the dry grain barrels, run your palms over fabrics and feel their textures. Smile at pretty strangers you have no intention of talking to and enjoy how the expression feels on your face. Tell people when you like their clothes. Find people to hold, to lie pressed up close in hammocks or scrunched up on the couch together. Kiss if you're the kissing type. Fuck if you're the fucking type. Dance if that moves you. Get your ass slapped if that moves you. Let yourself feel good without guilt, without suffering, without shame. Your pain is not a fee you must pay for pleasure. We are animals and are made for all the sweetness of life. Relish in that. I will stop here, since I have gone on long enough. This list is not a prescription, it is not the One True Answer, nor is it complete. But, if you decided to read all way through it, if you woke up this morning and put your head in your hands in a house that is haunted, is weighted down with strange rooms with inheritances you don't know what to do with, I hope you can move through the clutter and fix your hands on one thing you wish to keep in it all. And then another. And another. I hope you can be the home you dream of, again and again and again.

#mental health #coping skills #long post #depression #anxiety #support systems #coping

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yoddream · 5 years ago

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The Price to Pay | n.jm

pairing: jaemin x fem!reader

summary: when you’re given your dream job, what will happen to you and Jaemin?

warnings: ANGST, bad writing lmao, depression (not specifically mentioned but it’s obviously there), a shit ton of crying, jaemin being kind of an asshole ngl, mentions of hockey (only because there might be some things that don’t make sense idk maybe they do to somebody who doesn’t watch it), VERY INACCURATE INFO ON BECOMING A TRANSLATOR

notes: here’s part 2 to New Beginnings! idk how to link it lmao im sorry im really bad at this also im iffy on how this came out but at this point whatever i wrote a lot. I’m gonna try to do the bold for korean again (cuz new beginnings on the app is fucking jacked af but on the full website it looks how it’s supposed to) but like just assume that everything the OCs are saying are in Korean and whatever the Dreamies say that aren’t to English speaking people are in Korean

“Please put on your seatbelts as we will begin our descent to Los Angeles, California.”

You did as the flight attendant asked and looked out the window. The ground slowly got closer and closer, and your heart raced with excitement. Despite how you’d felt a year ago, you couldn’t wait to land and start the next chapter in your life. You could still feel the exhaustion from it being in the middle of the night in Seoul, but that was so little compared to all the emotions running through your body.

Once you were out of security, you pulled up FaceTime on your phone and called Jisung. It rang and rang, and you almost gave up when he finally answered the call. He was out of breath, as if he’d just run to get his phone. His face lit up when he saw yours.

“Y/N! You landed safely!” he said. Your parents appeared in the frame, which made you smile.

“I did! I’m heading towards pick-up now, so hopefully I’ll be on my way to the rink,” you told them.

You’d decided you wanted to be an English-Korean translator, so you had been hired as a translator for a new NHL prospect. He was born and raised in Korea, and he knew very little English, so you were going to help him during prospect camp, translating and teaching him English. You expected to be in America until September, but if he made it past both prospect and training camp, who knew what your future held?

“Oh honey, I’m so proud of you,” your mom said.

“We both are. You’re gonna do great, we know it,” your dad added.

You looked around and spotted your name on a sign that was held by a man with a driver’s cap. You told your family you had to go and hung up before walking over. He greeted you with a smile and grabbed one of your bags, heading to the parking lot. You shot a text to the boys, letting them know you’d landed. The drive to the rink didn’t take long, and you were escorted by a security guard through the hallways to an office.

“Ms. Park is here,” the security guard announced before heading back to his area.

“Y/N, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Rob Blake, the general manager,” a very tall man in a suit said. He held his hand out to you, which you shook. “We’re very happy to have you here. Chi-won Han’s translator from last year has a new job, so we’re glad you can stay for longer.”

“Thank you, Mr. Blake. I’m very excited for this opportunity,” you stated with a wide smile. “So, where should we start?”

Mr. Blake’s assistant gave you multiple papers to sign before bringing you to get your ID made. You proudly hung it around your neck, even though your picture looked absolutely horrible (you just got off an eleven-hour flight). Then, Mr. Blake himself brought you to a conference room where the prospect, his agent, and the coaches were.

“Everyone, this is Y/N Park. She will be Chi-won’s translator.”

You bowed and said, “Han Chi-won, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Park Y/N.”

The boy bowed as well. “Thank you for flying here, Y/N. You have to idea how appreciative I am.”

You then introduced yourself to the agent and the coaches, dropping your bags to bow and shake hands. You told them about your exact role and how to contact you in case you were needed last minute. You’d been given a phone for work with everyone’s contacts in it, along with a rental car since you still had a valid driver’s license. You were then handed the keys to your apartment, which you would be sharing with Chi-won and one of the Kings’ players, Tyler Toffoli.

“Y/N, do you own any skates?” Marco Sturm, one of the assistant coaches, asked.

You shook your head. “I’m not very good at skating, but I’ll definitely do my best.”

“Have Tyler and Chi-won take you shopping for a pair. We really need you on the ice for drills.”

You translated for the hockey player when his head perked up at his name. He nodded shyly, his eyes darting to the floor. You couldn’t help but feel bad for him; he had no idea what anyone was saying, so for all he knew you could’ve been talking poorly about him. None of you would do that, but he didn’t know any better.

“Camp doesn’t officially start until tomorrow. We just wanted you to meet before then so that you can get situated. before the madness,” Mr. Blake explained.

“I appreciate that. It’s past midnight in Korea, so I’m pretty exhausted,” you replied.

“You guys are all set for today. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow for day one.”

You turned to Chi-won and asked, “You wanna get food?”

He nodded vigorously, saying, “Tyler and his wife were making breakfast when I was called down here.”

Grabbing your bags, you said your farewells to the men before heading out, Chi-won hot on your feels. When you clicked the key fob for the rental car, a new SUV lit up. You let out a low whistle and popped the hatch, tossing your suitcases and duffel in. You and Chi-won then climbed in and decided on a local diner. The car ride was mostly silent, the radio playing softly in the background. When you walked into the restaurant, his eyes widened in fear as the waitress spoke to him. You ordered juice for the both of you and then started translating the menu with ease, watching his shoulders relax at the sound of a language he knew.

The two of you ate in silence for a couple minutes, simply enjoying your food. You checked your personal phone for any messages, but there was nothing. You weren’t surprised, though. The boys were supposed to be asleep, so you expected there to be nothing, but it still hurt to see that you hadn’t even heard from Jaemin. Then again, you probably should’ve expected as much.

“What?” Jaemin asked quietly.

You’d shown up at the dorms, wearing one of your boyfriend’s sweatshirts and a pair of shorts. Your hair was a mess from stressing out, so you had the hood up. He had to know what was going on, and you were out of time.

“I’m going back to America,” you repeated. “A major sports team contacted me last month to help one of their prospects. He doesn’t know much English, so I’ll be translating for him during camp.”

“When you do leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!” You flinched at the sudden rise of his volume, the sound bouncing off the walls. There was no way the other Dreamies hadn’t heard him. There was no way the other Dreames hadn’t heard him, and you started to panic. This was definitely not how you expected this to go. “You’ve known for a month, and you’re just telling me now?!”

“I was going to tell you sooner, but since you’re working on your comeback, you’ve had to cancel dates! I didn’t have a choice but to tell you now!” you argued.

“Oh, so now it’s my fault?”

“I didn’t say that, Jaemin. I’m just explaining that there wasn’t a good time, so that’s why you aren’t finding out until the day before my flight. I’m sorry it wasn’t sooner.” Your hands were wringing in the kangaroo pocket, but it was hidden by the island in the kitchen.

“How long will you be gone?” When you didn’t answer right away, his jaw clenched. “How long, Y/N?”

Scared by his tone, you said, “I have no idea. Prospect camp is for a few days, but they’re expecting him to continue on to training camp in September.”

“Are you even coming back? What does that mean for us?”

“I don’t know, Jae!” you snapped. Your voice reverberated off the walls, and you could hear shuffling down the hall. “I don’t know.”

There was a heavy pause. He then asked, “You don’t know if you’re coming back? Or you don’t know what will happen with our relationship?”

“Both.”

“You’re very young to be a translator,” Chi-won stated, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You wiped your mouth with a napkin, giving you time to think of your answer without revealing too much. “My step-dad is from Korea. He and my mom got married when I was nine, but he and my step-brother had to stay there while my mom and I live here. We would visit whenever there was a vacation for school, so I learned it over the years.”

“Do you live in Korea now?”

“Right in Seoul. I moved after I graduated high school last year.”

Chi-won was silent after that. After you paid the bill, you plugged in the address for the apartment building and made the quick drive over. Parking along the street, Chi-won grabbed your bags for you and led you to the apartment. You used the key to unlock the door and walked inside. A man and a woman looked over at the same time from the kitchen and smiled.

“You must be the translator. I’m Tyler, and this is my wife, Cat,” the man introduced.

You shook their hands and said, “It’s nice to meet you. My name’s Y/N Park.”

“Come right in. I’ll show you where your room is,” Cat offered.

You followed her down the hallway to a room that had grey walls, dark wooden floors, and a matching wooden dresser. There was a queen-sized bed with fresh sheets on it and a cream armchair in the corner. Identical nightstands stood on either side of the bed, and there was a bathroom attached to the bedroom.

“Make yourself at home. You look like you’re about to fall asleep standing up,” she joked.

“Yeah, I’m gonna take a quick nap, if that’s okay?” you asked.

“Go ahead.”

Cat closed the door behind her, leaving you alone. You collapsed onto the bed and checked to see if any messages had come in before you’d left the diner’s WiFi, but still nothing. Sighing, you put your phone on the nightstand and let your eyes close, the heaviness becoming too much to fight against.

When you woke up, the sun was high in the sky. You groaned as your arms stretched above your head. According to your phone, it was a little past noon, so you rolled out of bed and headed to the kitchen. Luckily, the password to the WiFi was on the refrigerator. As soon as your phone was connected, it started blowing up with messages and snapchats. The sudden sound made you jump, definitely waking you up. You took some time to respond to the boys and your parents, and it took you a few minutes to notice that none of the notifications were from Jaemin. Sighing, you shoved your phone into your pocket and went looking for Chi-won. You found him in his room, looking at an English book with furrowed brows.

“I’m not starting lessons until after prospect camp,” you said.

The boy jumped, clearly unaware of your presence until you announced it. He closed the book and placed it on the nightstand before looking around the room, avoiding your eyes. Sighing, you sat at the desk that was by the window.

“What’s on your mind?” you asked.

“What if I don’t make it past this camp?” he questioned.

You let out a deep breath and said, “Then you go back to your team in Korea, continue to train and practice, and then next year, you’ll come back. The exact same thing as what you went through last year.”

“What will happen to you?”

“I’ll go back home as well. I’m currently under contract with the team, so if you’re not here, I’m not needed. They’ll let me know when I am. You’re stuck with me.”

///

You and Chi-won walked into the practice rink the next morning, a fresh pair of skates in the duffel bag on your shoulder. You’d gone out with Tyler and Chi-won after dinner to buy them, just like Coach Sturm had told you to. The thought of being on the ice with a bunch of hockey players and falling on your ass was terrifying, but you didn’t have much of a choice.

You headed to the weight room and sat on a bench. Skating wouldn’t come until after they were done for the day, so your bag was simply dropped to the floor. You then pulled out your phone and looked at the last message you’d sent to Jaemin.

You: I know you’re upset, but I would love for you to be at the airport tomorrow.

He never showed up. Everyone else had, but he’d stayed at the dorms. The way the conversation had ended left the status of your relationship up in the air, and you were too scared to ask. Your anniversary was supposed to be in a little over a month, but you didn’t even know if that was something to be celebrated anymore.

The sound of the door opening behind you caught your attention. The players started filtering into the room, shooting odd looks your way. You stood up when Chi-won walked in, moving to his side for when the head strength and conditioning coach started talking.

After a speech, the coach came over and introduced himself, apologizing for missing the meeting the day before. When you assured him it was fine, he transitioned the conversation to the first test he wanted Chi-won to run through. You translated everything as you followed them to the bikes, not missing a single beat. You watched as he pedaled and pedaled, sweat dripping down his face as his leg muscles rippled from the rapid movement. You could hear the cheers of encouragement from the other prospects as they watched the others that were running through the tests.

When there was time for a break, Chi-won took the water bottle you handed him, draining it fairly quickly. He then grabbed the towel from your shoulder and wiped his face and neck, tossing it in the hamper in the corner. He looked around at the other prospects, watching them talk and laugh with each other. You felt bad knowing he wouldn’t take that first step. It was understandable, though. You’d gone through the same thing when you started making trips to Korea; you’d been surrounded by people who understood you as much as you understood them, which was not a lot.

After a few minutes, it was time for more testing. You followed the group around the weight room, mostly watching but translating when needed. Everyone’s eyes were on you whenever either of you spoke, but all your attention was on him and whoever was talking to him.

At the end of the day, Chi-won looked like he was about to drop at any moment. You decided to skip the skating and brought him back to the apartment, using the work phone since it could connect to data. He dozed in the car, his face finally relaxed. You’d never noticed how much tension was there until now. Between the stress of getting past this camp and not knowing what anyone was saying, his head was probably spinning.

When you entered the apartment, Chi-won immediately headed to his room to nap. There was a note from Tyler and Cat that they’d gone to run errands, leaving you alone. You tried to FaceTime your parents, but neither of them answered. You knew the others were rehearsing, so you called Mark, but he didn’t answer either. Feeling dejected, you headed to your room and sat in the armchair. You looked out the window and watched the world below, a sudden flashback to the day you and Jaemin were sitting in the mall’s food court. Your heart ached at the thought of one of the happiest days of your life, knowing there was a chance it was all over.

///

It was the last day of the four-day camp for prospects. You wobbled onto the ice as you tried to skate closer to Chi-won. He looked over and rolled his eyes before skating over, grabbing your arm, and dragging you to the group. A few of the players laughed, but you didn’t care. You would be laughing too if you’d seen it.

Yesterday, they’d run drills, so you got to see Chi-won on the ice for the first time, and you could see why he was their first-round pick the year before. However, the true test was the scrimmage scheduled for today. Drills could be run over and over until you got it right, but in a game if you made a mistake there was no going back.

Once the teams were split, Chi-won helped you to the bench. You could hear your personal phone ring with a FaceTime call, but you ignored it. It was most likely Jeno, calling to talk to you before he finally went to bed. He loved to call you before he went to bed, which annoyed Jaemin whenever you were on a call with your boyfriend. You wished you could answer, since you hadn’t had much interaction with anyone. You mostly translated back at the apartment, leaving you craving to talk to someone, but you felt too awkward talking to Tyler and Cat.

The scrimmage was exhilarating to even just watch. Chi-won was fast, despite how large he was. He wove through players, making fantastic plays. His stick work was quick, and he seemed to know where his teammates were, making passes without looking. There was no doubt in your mind that they were keeping him, but seeing the looks on the coaches faces made it that much better. Chi-won played fairly, probably too much; he always passed the puck for a goal instead of taking a chance himself.

During a break, Coach Sturm was going over a couple plays to Chi-won’s team. You translated as fast as you could, trying your best to make it sound clear and right. Hockey pretty much had its own language, so you assumed it was working when he nodded along. As he was about to head back onto the ice, you grabbed his attention.

“Shoot the fucking puck, man. You’ve made plenty of great passes. They want to see what you’re capable of.”

His eyes widened, but he nodded and bumped your held-out fist before skating back to the face-off. You watched the puck drop, and the game was on. Your eyes never left the player you were there for, his form zipping across the ice with a breakaway. He was denied, but you could tell there was a fire lit under his ass. There were still amazing passes, but he was taking shots on goal more. The goalie was just unbelievably good at his job,

There wasn’t much time left in the scrimmage when Chi-won was skating towards the goal, him against two defensemen. His feet moved in a way you couldn’t explain, and he slipped past the opposing players, taking a shot on goal. You nearly jumped with joy as it flew past the goalie’s shoulder, and you didn’t miss the smile on his face as he celebrated with his teammates.

At the end of the day, Chi-won was asked to dinner with some of the other prospects. He nodded his head with a grin, so they told you the restaurant. Your phone connected to the Bluetooth as you were typing it into the map, and “My First and Last” immediately started playing through the speakers. Chi-won sent a look your way but said nothing.

The other players made sure you and Chi-won had seats next to each other so you could easily translate for him. They asked him questions about his life in Korea and his teammates. He talked about his family, his girlfriend Eun-ji, and his friends. You were learning more about him by doing your job rather than conversing with him yourself. You could feel something heavy settle in your chest as they all talked to each other, only looking to you when you translated.

When you were back at the apartment, Chi-won collapsed onto the couch. You sat in an armchair and stared at the ceiling, thoughts of Jaemin running through your head. It’d been five days since you last heard from him, and you were still hesitant to reach out. He was probably in the same boat, but what if he didn’t want to hear from you? What if your relationship was over and you didn’t know it? You hadn’t talked to the other boys about it, not wanting to drag them into your drama.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Chi-won complained.

“Sorry,” you said quietly. “How do you think camp went?”

“I think I did well. My whole body hurts, though. I wish Eun-ji was here. She gives amazing back massages. I would be in constant pain if it wasn’t for her. I’m definitely the luckiest guy in the world.”

That’s what Jaemin tells me. “Is she gonna be starting college this fall?”

He nodded. “She wants to study sports medicine, so she’ll be studying at Seoul University. I’m so proud of her.”

You looked at the time on your phone before realizing that it was your work one. Your personal phone was still in your duffel, which was in the car. Cursing under your breath, you rushed downstairs and grabbed your phone from the bag.

Jaemin💕: 3 missed FaceTime video calls

Shit. Just in case your relationship wasn’t fragile enough, you’d missed three calls from him. It was the first time either one of you had tried reaching out since you stormed out of the dorms in tears. Worried, you headed inside and returned to the apartment as fast as possible. You tried calling Jaemin back, but he wasn’t picking up. It was about ten in the morning where he was, and he never slept in too much no matter what time he’d gone to bed, so you knew he was ignoring you. Trying again, you cursed and swallowed around the lump in your throat. He finally picked up, and he was not happy.

“Hey,” you said as you moved to your room.

“Hey. Where were you?” he asked.

“We were at camp, and then we went to dinner after,” you explained.

His eyebrows raised. “You went to dinner?”

“Yeah.”

“Was it a date?”

Your eyes widened in shock. “What the fuck, Jaemin? Of course it wasn’t a date! Why the hell would you ask that?”

“I mean, you did say you didn’t know how this would affect our relationship,” he snapped.

“That doesn’t mean I would cheat on you. God, do you really think that low of me?” You could feel the sting behind your eyes of tears forming, but you tried to hold them back.

“I don’t know what to think anymore, Y/N. You waited until the day before you were leaving to tell me about it—”

“I didn’t have a choice, and you know it!” you exclaimed. “You know what? I’m done. I can’t do this right now.”

You hung up and threw your phone across the room, muffling sobs into your hands. Being here, having the job you’ve worked towards the past year, it was supposed to be exciting, yet you were dealing with possibly the worst heartbreak yet, and you didn’t even know if there was a relationship to salvage anymore.

Your phone was ringing with a FaceTime call from Jisung, but you ignored it. He couldn’t see you like this; even though you were partially in the wrong in the fight, he would completely lose it and attack Jaemin. You didn’t want to be the cause of something happening to NCT Dream. It would have to stay to yourself, just like everything else about your life.

///

You’d been in America for two weeks, and you were absolutely miserable. You didn’t talk to the boys as much, ignoring some of their calls so that when you did answer, there was too much to talk about for you to think about Jaemin during the calls. You hadn’t talked to him since your last argument, and you didn’t know what to do. Jisung didn’t now, but it was clear he was suspicious of something. You just wanted to go home, but Chi-won had to stay in California for more training and practice. He’d been invited to training camp in September, so it was easier for him to just stay here until he knew his future with the team post-camp.

Chi-won’s English was improving a little, but it was clear he wasn’t confident in himself. Learning a language was hard, and English was one of the most difficult. From conjunctions to words sounding the same but being spelled different to even the sentence structure, you didn’t blame him for feeling self-conscious and frustrated. You had talked to Jisung, and he’d agreed to speak with Chi-won.

“Chi-won, can you come here for a minute?” you called out.

He walked into the living room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked at your phone, jaw dropping when he saw Jisung on the screen. You held it out and said, “My brother wants to talk to you.”

He took the phone, sending a glance your way before looking back at Jisung. You moved to the kitchen to make breakfast, giving the boys some privacy. You could hear Jisung’s laugh through the tiny speaker, and it made your heart ache. Not seeing him every day felt like torture. You were so used to talk to him every day, but the both of you were too busy with your jobs, not to mention that you were still unsure of what the others knew about you and Jaemin.

As you were making some fried eggs, Chi-won joined you, holding your phone out with Jisung still on the screen. The hockey player sent a look that told you there would be a conversation later, and then he disappeared to his room. You looked at Jisung and smiled, asking him how it went. He said it went well, that Chi-won seemed to really listen to what he’d had to say. A door had opened behind him, and Chenle walked into the room. His face lit up when he saw you, and he ran over and jumped on Jisung’s back.

“Y/N! I haven’t talked to you in so long,” he said, suddenly pouting.

“I know, I’m sorry. Prospect camp was crazy, and I’ve been busy with teaching Chi-won English,” you replied. “I wish you guys were here. You’d love it.”

“We’ll have to visit sometime. Jisung, we gotta head to bed. We have practice tomorrow morning,” he said.

“Sleep well, you two,” you said with a smile.

“Love you!” they shouted, and then the call ended.

You finished breakfast and called for Chi-won. He joined you in the kitchen, taking his plate from you without a word. The two of you sat at the breakfast bar, eating in silence. Tyler and Cat were in Canada for a wedding, so you were alone with him. You waited for him to say something, anything, but he didn’t. Instead, he washed the dishes and went back to his room. He returned a few minutes later in workout clothes, so you changed into your own outfit and silently followed him to the gym downstairs. He started out on the bike while you went to the treadmill, starting a light jog.

After a few minutes, Chi-won said, “So, your brother is Park Jisung.”

“Yup. Has been for ten years,” you panted.

“I didn’t even know he had a sister.”

“No one does. It’s too dangerous.”

“That must suck. I can’t imagine keeping my sister a secret,” he said.

“Seeing him live his dream makes it all worth it. Besides, once I’m living here permanently, we’ll be able to tell everyone who I am.”

///

Getting out of bed was harder and harder as each day passed. You could feel yourself settle into a deep and heavy depression. and it seemed like the people you were living with were concerned. You never felt hungry, you were having trouble finding the motivation to shower, and you were ignoring every call that popped up on your phone.

There was a knock on your door before Cat poked her head in. You glanced at her before turning your attention back to the window. She sat in the armchair and leaned on her elbows, sending a smile your way.

“So, Chi-won and Tyler talked to the team, and they decided that if you want, you can go back to Korea until it’s time for training camp,” she told you.

You sat up slowly and asked, “What?”

“We can all tell how homesick you are, and Chi-won said that you had an argument with someone that sounded like your boyfriend. They have a back-up translator, so you can go home for a little bit,” she explained.

“He told you all that?”

“Well, he used an app to translate, but yes.”

Leaping out of bed, you hugged her tightly, mentally thanking yourself for having showered that morning. She laughed and hugged you back before telling you to start packing. You started throwing your things into suitcases and your duffel bag as she left, and tears started streaming down your face in happiness.

You hugged Tyler and Chi-won in thanks before rushing to the airport, not wanting to stay in America any more than you had to. You called your parents and Jisung once you had a ticket purchased, and they promised to keep it a secret. Jisung was practically vibrating in his seat once he heard the news, and you couldn’t wait to hug your family again.

Somehow, you managed to sleep on the flight. When you landed, it was about three in the afternoon. You raced towards your family as soon as you spotted them, leaping into Jisung’s arms. He lifted you up and squeezed tight, as if you would disappear if he let go. You then hugged your parents, not afraid to let the tears fall down your cheeks.

“I missed you guys so much,” you sobbed.

“We missed you too, sweetheart,” you dad said.

When you were home, you took a couple hours to settle in before taking Jisung with you to the dorms. Not only did you have some boys to surprise, but there was a certain boy with blue bangs you needed to speak to. Jisung seemed to be excited to be on the other end of the surprise.

As you walked into the building, your stomach twisted into a giant knot. You didn’t know how Jaemin was going to react. Before you could dwell on it too much, Jisung opened the door to the Dream dorm. Jeno and Haechan were playing video games in the living area, but they stopped immediately when they looked at you.

“Sunshine!” Jeno shouted. He threw the controller on the couch and ran over, scooping you into a bear hug.

“What are you doing here?” Haechan asked as you managed to pry away from Jeno to hug him.

“They let me come back home until training camp starts,” you explained. “Where are the others?”

“They’re in their rooms. Jaemin’s napping, but Renjun and Chenle are playing PUBG,” Jeno explained. “It’s good to have you back. Jaemin’s been moping every since you left.”

So they didn’t know. “I’ll go see Renjun and Chenle first. Jaemin must be really tired if he’s napping.”

You walked down the hallway and quietly stepped into Renjun and Chenle’s room. They were too busy looking at their phones to notice, so you sat by Renjun and asked how he was doing. He glanced at you and then did a double take before tackling you to the bed. Chenle complained, but when he looked up a screech left his mouth instead as he piled on top. They started asking you a bunch of questions at once, but you shushed them and explained why you were home. Chenle didn’t want to let go, but you explained that Jaemin didn’t know yet.

Jaemin looked so peaceful as he slept. You could just stand there and watch until he woke up, but the conversation needed to be had sooner than later. Quietly closing the door, you walked over and sat on the bed as gentle as possible. Your fingers carded through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead. He sighed in his sleep, melting under your touch. You called out his name lightly, but he didn’t stir. You tried a couple more times, and his eyes finally opened. He stared at you for about ten seconds before grabbing you. You were suddenly thrown on the bed, and he pinned your arms down before kissing you.

Kissing Jaemin felt like a dream, especially after what you two’d been going through the past few weeks. He pressed kiss after kiss to your lips, finally pulling away with a frown.

"I’m really sorry for how I acted the past couple times we talked. I trust you, and I support your career,” he said.

“I forgive you. God, I forgive you. I’ve been so miserable the past few weeks. I should’ve tried harder to tell you sooner than when I had.”

“Let’s just forget this, okay?”

“Deal.”

He leaned down to press your lips together again, not leaving any space between your bodies. He trailed kisses down your neck, sucking a mark into your skin at the base of your throat. When he moved back to your face, he whispered, “I love you.”

That was the first time either of you had ever said those words. Whenever the two of you were together, there was a good chance another Dreamie was with you, so actual dates were rare, which meant that neither of you felt like it was the right time to say them. However, the past three weeks, had proven that it didn’t matter how much time was spent alone.

“I love you too.”

It was about half an hour before you two emerged from the room. The others made fun of the hickeys that were all over your necks, but in that moment you didn’t care. You and Jaemin were more than okay, and that was all that mattered to you.

95 notes · View notes

myhockeyworld87 · 5 years ago

Text

Choices - Tyler Seguin/Jamie Benn - Part 7

Word Count: 2534

POV: Reader

Warning: language

Notes: So I couldn’t believe the way this vote went down. I didn’t post any of the anon votes, but will so you guys can see how close it actually was. At any rate here is your choice from part 6. There are still choices to make, so it’s not over just yet...things can always go the other way...Peace, Love and Hugs!

The conversation wasn’t going to be easy, you knew that the moment you texted both Jamie and Tyler to meet you at your house. Both looked as though they hadn’t slept, which didn’t surprise you; but also didn’t make what you had to say any easier. There was no putting it off any longer, so you took a deep breath and just went for it. “I know the last day or so hasn’t gone well for any of us.” They were both looking at you expectantly. “But I want you to both know, that I’ve thought a lot about this decision; in fact it’s all I’ve thought about since the other night.”

Tyler shifted in his seat, as Jamie placed his elbows on his knees and leaned his body forward; as if he was hanging on your every word. “I wish that this situation didn’t exist, because you are both so amazing; and any girl in their right mind would be lucky to have either one of you. I care so much for both of you.” You swayed a little back and forth, before finally letting your eyes land on Tyler. “Ty, things between us have been so complicated. It’s been like a series of one miscommunication after another, and yet somehow here both of us are. If someone had asked me a week ago if I still had feelings for you; I would’ve told them there was no possible way I could. But then...” You waved your hands in the air, as if you could magically make the words and feelings that you had going on appear. “I just never thought, that I could ever love you again...but...”

Shaking your head, you tried to regain some composure. Shifting your weight to your left foot, you turned toward Jamie. His soft brown eyes raised up to look you square in the face. A plethora of emotions were there, pain, hope and love all showed on his face. “Jame, what can I say; you literally swept me off my feet and made me feel whole again.” A shy smile, played across his face; as if he was remembering that first time the two of you met. “We’ve both kept things from each other, and maybe if we hadn’t...I don’t know things right now might be different, but that’s on both of us.”

Closing your eyes, you tried to find the courage, to follow your heart and let one of the most amazing guys you’d ever known go. “God…this is so hard. I wish I could just split myself in half or something; but I guess that’s not fair either.” Rocking back and forth on your heels; you tried to delay the inevitable. “There’s no easy way to say this…but I think Tyler and I need to give this another shot.” The pain in Jamie’s eyes killed you. “Things were just so messed up, and well…if I’m being honest…I don’t think I ever stopped loving you, Ty.” You quickly turned to Jamie. “That’s not to say that what we had wasn’t real, Jame…because it was…and if we weren’t in this situation I know things would be different. But I just don’t think it’s fair to you…when I have feelings for Tyler still…I’m so sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am.” He put his head in his hands for a moment, regaining composure of himself; before looking up at you.

“I understand, (Y/N).”

“I don’t know how you can, when even I don’t.” Thankfully Tyler remained silent during the whole exchange.

“I wish things were different too. God knows I love you.” Tears were rolling down your face. This had to be one of the worst breakups in your life. He looked over at Tyler, speaking his next words to him instead of you. “I swear if you fuck things up this time; I’ll personally beat you within an inch of your life.” Jamie stood up after issuing the threat, then turned back to you. “You’re too good for him, you know? You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and you’ll always be that; but I want you to be happy…and well if that means being with Tyler, then I hope things work out for the best.” He started to walk towards the door and you followed him. “If you ever need anything…I mean anything. You know where to find me.” His hand was on the door handle, and you reached for him, enveloping him in your arms one last time.

“I’m so sorry Jame. I don’t know what else to say.” You whispered in his ear.

“It’s ok sweetheart.” He leaned down and kissed your cheek, and a small sob escaped you. When he pulled back there were tears in his eyes, and he quickly walked out the door shutting it behind him. Resting your forehead on the door, you took deep breaths trying to calm your unsteady heart. Had you made the right decision? Only time could answer that question. It was strange to stand here mourning the loss of a love, when the other sat only a room away. Taking one last moment to yourself, you wiped away the tears that didn’t seem to know when to stop; and pushed yourself off the doorframe to speak with Tyler.

He was standing at the edge of the living room when you turned back around, and you smiled weakly at him. Before you knew what was happening he crushed you to his chest, and just let you cry. This was not the Tyler you remembered, but it was the one you needed. “It’s ok baby.” He softly murmured. “I know that was hard…I’m right here…I’m not going anywhere.” His big strong hands stroked your back up and down in a soothing motion, and soon you found yourself being calmed by his presence. Pulling back, you looked up into his eyes; so full of love for you, the weight of it was almost too much to bear. “I love you so much (Y/N), and I promise you right now; I’m never going to make you regret this decision.” His thumb caressed your cheeks wiping away the remnants of your tears. Pressing your body closer to his, you skated your hands around his neck and drew his mouth to yours.

The kiss was sweet, neither of you seeking control; just a meddling of lips together. It spoke of all that was lost, and promised a future that was yet to come. You weren’t sure if it was all the emotions of the morning or the kiss itself, but you felt your knees buckle. Tyler scooped you up into his strong arms and carried you over to the sofa, where he sat down cradling you against him. He deepened the kiss then, his tongue entwining with yours. Everything about him felt so familiar, the way his lips pressed against yours, his chiseled chest underneath your fingers; as well as the way he tasted. It was as if no time had passed between the two of you, and yet so much had. Which is why you felt yourself pulling back from the kiss, before things went further. Tyler’s eyes were glassed over in a haze of what could only be described as pure lust. You knew he wanted more, hell there was part of you that wanted it as well; though you needed to take things slow. “Ty…I…”

Before you could say more he stopped you. “I know baby, it’s too soon. I just love you (Y/N) and I need you to know that; but we’ll go slowly, I promise.” He placed a chaste kiss on your forehead, then tucked your head into his chest. The two of you stayed like that for some time; just listening to the steady beat of his heart, as he held you close. It was both calming and reassuring, after everything that the morning had brought. After some time, he looked down into your eyes, before saying. “I have to head to practice soon, but I can come back as soon as it’s over.” You nodded your agreement. “We can just spend the day together, either here or at my place. Whatever you want babe. Maybe talk about some things.”

“Yeah I think that would be a good idea.” There were definitely things that needed to be said before your relationship went any further.

“Would you mind coming to my place? Just so I can check on the dogs.”

“I’d like that. The last time I saw Gerry he was just a puppy.”

“Well he’s still a little shit at times, so not much has changed there.” A laugh escaped you and it felt good, almost as if your relationship was getting back to normal. “Remember when he took your bra and chewed it into pieces.” You both started to laugh so hard.

“Oh my god, how could I forget? He had his head looped around the strap and stuck in the cup.” It was an image that always made you laugh. “Though it was your fault, for just throwing it once you got it off of me.”

“My fault, huh? I believe you were just as hasty as I was.” He tickled your ribcage then and you fell back against the cushions as laughter overtook you. “Admit it babe, you wanted me just as much.” He was relentless, continuing to prod you with his devilish fingers.

You were breathless, as you tried to answer him. “Fine…You’re right…I wanted you too.” He stopped tickling you then, his body looming over yours. Your chest heaved as you tried to catch your breath, drawing Tyler’s attention to your breasts. The air around you both changed, gone was the playfulness of moments ago, replaced by a heat that was starting to consume you both. Leaning down he kissed you hard on the mouth, but pulled away just as fast.

“I’ve gotta go babe.” He grabbed your wrists and pulled you back to a sitting position. “I’ll see you in a few hours. In fact, I’ll call you as soon as I leave the arena.” His excitement at seeing you was a bit contagious.

“Ok.” You got up off the couch. “Did you just check out my ass?”

The smirk on his face, told you the answer, before his words did. “Um…well yeah. It’s just right there babe. What am I supposed to look at?” You shook your head at him, somethings never changed. He got up, then took your hand in his as he walked to the front door. “I’ll text ya the address and the code to get in the house, in case you get there before me.”

“Ty, I’m not going in your house if you’re not there.”

“Why? The dogs know you. Besides, if things were different, it’d be your house too.” You closed your eyes, remembering conversations you and Tyler had about moving in with him. He must have saw the reluctance on your face. “(Y/N), seriously it’s fine. I want you to feel comfortable in my house and back in my life. Go over early in fact. Play with the pups, they’d love it.”

“Well I would like to see the boys. Are you sure?”

“Absolutely!” He pulled out his phone, and shot you a quick text. “There, now you have everything. I expect you to be somewhere in that house when I get there.” You just chuckled at him. “Now, there’s one more thing before I go.” You looked at him, eyes raised in question; before he hauled your body against his and kissed you. It stole your breath away and had your head spinning, but was over way too soon. “I love you (Y/N). I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you too Ty.” With that he left and headed off to practice. You hoped that things would go well there, especially after the morning. It was easy to keep yourself busy for the first hour, just cleaning up around your house and straightening things up. But then you started to think of the dogs and were anxious to see them. So you grabbed a few things and decided to head over to Tyler’s house.

It felt somewhat strange pulling up to the house, knowing that Tyler wouldn’t be home; but he had insisted. There was a car in the drive, which seemed odd but then Tyler could’ve left it out for some reason. Putting the code in, you unlocked the door and let yourself inside. Soon you were greeted by three wagging tails and smiling dog faces. “Hey guys! Missed you.” You let them sniff you, making themselves familiar with you again. Marshall was the first to lick you, recognizing you almost immediately. Bending down you scratched him behind the ears as he nuzzled into your neck. Cash came up and gave you a big sloppy kiss then. “Hi Cash…oh yes I love you too.” Gerry had grown so much since you last saw him. He seemed a bit warry but also wanted to join his brothers in getting some attention. Holding your hand out to him, you softly whispered. “It’s ok Ger. Remember me. I was there when your dad got you.” His wet nose sniffed you, then his tongue snuck out and licked your cheek. “There’s my puppy. Give me some love.” The whole exchange took place right inside the door, and you stayed that way for several minutes; just petting and loving the pups you once knew so well. “Alright, let’s go play in the yard. Get your toys.” They trotted off, as you got off your knees and followed them into the kitchen.

Your eyes were on a swivel as you took in the whole house. The kitchen barely looked used and you suspected that if you opened it, you’d find a ton of takeout containers instead of real ingredients to cook. In the living room, a comfy blanket was thrown across the back of the sofa; vaguely you remembered cuddling up with Tyler underneath one numerous times. What caught your eye, was a stray shirt on the living room floor. It wasn’t Tyler’s, in fact it was definitely female. Looking past the stray article of clothing, you saw a bra laying in the hallway; as if someone was leaving a trail, which you suspected would lead you straight to Tyler’s room.

Why the hell had Tyler told you to come into the house, when he’d obviously had a woman here last night? All of the sudden you regretted the decision you’d made only hours ago. Tyler hadn’t changed, maybe he couldn’t accept you being with his best friend. You turned to leave when you heard a door open.

*******************************************************************************************

So you chose Tyler, but was he the right choice? Things aren’t over yet, there’s definitely more choices to make. And is Jamie really out of the picture? Only time will tell. But now it’s time to make a choice here. You have 48 hours to decide.

A) Go and confront the person who is in Tyler’s house.

B) Leave before whoever it is sees you, you should’ve chosen Jamie.

C) Go and wait for Tyler in your car, then confront him about the woman in the house.

#Choices series Tyler Seguin Jamie Benn #tyler seguin #jamie benn #tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin imagines #jamie benn imagine #jamie benn imagines #dallas stars #dallas stars imagine #dallas stars imagines #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #hockey fanfiction #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl fanfic

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shinneth · 5 years ago

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SUF as a whole just left me with an empty feeling.

I feel you there, anon. In Dreams aside, I could take or leave the rest of this series (and in most cases, leaning well towards the latter sentiment).

But I guess that’s to be expected when 90% of SUF focused squarely on Steven’s PTSD and need for therapy and the many, many red flags shown as early on as the beginning that signaled his eventual breakdown to where he ended up in the climax.

Especially with the fanbase itself constantly screeching that Steven needs therapy, Steven has PTSD, Steven’s gonna corrupt, et cetera… like, it was all laid on far too thick. So when we got to Growing Pains, it really didn’t move me like it did so many others because it came off as such a “No shit, Sherlock” moment for me when Priyanka finally addressed the underlying issues the show itself really didn’t even bother trying to be subtle about.

Don’t get me wrong; a lot of people who have suffered (or are presently suffering) from the same problems as Steven irl have been helped a lot by these kinds of episodes, and I do appreciate that.

But from my personal standpoint, yeah… I knew from the start that Steven’s underlying issues alone were not gonna be enough to sustain a full series, and sure enough, it wasn’t. We got to see some bits here and there with the other characters, but we also had a few choice characters be really shitty people in season 5 that never got properly addressed before it concluded, and with the timeskip in SUF, all of that just got handwaved off as “dealt with offscreen”, which is the laziest BS ever.

And worst of all, at the end, they really didn’t stick the landing well at all. I’ll at least say SUF’s resolution wasn’t the mega levels of offensively terrible as Change Your Mind - but then again, it’s hard to out-do giving totalitarian space dictators with countless lives lost under their watch a fucking FACE-TURN out of nowhere.

Like, really, the Diamonds’ presence (White especially) in SUF actively made my viewing experience even worse towards the end. Yes, I should be glad they’re establishing that the Diamonds are at least starting to use their powers for good and rebuild some of the lives they ruined.

But, y’know… doesn’t change the fact that they’re all responsible for multiple counts of global genocide. Like, any living creatures native to their colony planets? They’re still fucking gone. And the Diamonds themselves just come off VERY unnatural as “nice” guys - and in many cases, they’re even creepier now than they were as villains. Good god, White’s blubbering in the climax was fucking insufferable, though.

Partially I think this comes from SU being a “kids show” so there’s this pressing need to end things as cleanly as possible. I’m more miffed that in the end, Steven still got pretty much everything he wanted.

They had some admittedly good set-ups to Steven’s growth, like having him accept that people grow up, change, and move on with their lives. We see the clear evidence that Steven’s got an unhealthy clinginess towards his human friends - and Connie’s no exception.

And considering they took the time to establish that:

Connie has friends other than Steven. She gets along with them just fine, so it’s not like she’s totally lonely or isolated without him.

Connie is ambitious with many goals and aspirations when it comes to her education and potential career paths. She’s shown to have put a lot of thought into her options and at no point comes off as feeling pressured by her parents or friends into this.

Connie knows she has to work hard and often to achieve her dreams, and despite that rigid lifestyle, it doesn’t seem to bother her in the least. That would imply she really wants to reach these goals she set for herself, whether or not Steven’s in the picture at all.

Connie and Steven’s dynamic is a far cry from how it was when they started out in the original series. You can tell Steven has no clue what Connie’s talking about when it comes to her goals and just plays along, pretending he understands anything coming out of her mouth.

Connie, despite what her speech would lead you to believe, has been every bit as insufferably dense as the gems in SUF when it comes to Steven’s issues. In Bismuth Casual, Steven’s very specifically-worded concerns were misconstrued as a fear of skating (or his inability to, whatever) - and in the end, they just became Stevonnie rather than properly talked things through. You know, something PERIDOT 100% did in the prior episode.

Connie is very firm about wanting to live her life as herself. She’s not against being Stevonnie from time to time, but like hell does she want to be Stevonnie for the long term.

Connie knows marrying in general at her age is a stupid-stupid-stupid idea, even if it is Steven. And considering her well-established commitment to her studies and reaching her lofty goals, Connie - at least at the time - seemed to know a relationship with anyone just wasn’t in the cards for her at this point in her life. There’s no need to rush that shit, and she won’t compromise her life just to give her needy friend this thing he wants that he doesn’t even fully understand truly is.

Or, you know… just have Connie backpedal hard on a good chunk of that and date Steven so that he won’t become a monster again. I’m mostly kidding with that - but by kissing his monstrous self and that triggering his restoration, then soon later we see that even though Steven and Connie can only have a long-distance relationship at best, she’s dating him right now anyway even though this needlessly makes her life way more complicated than it needed to be - like seriously, how can I not take that as Canon Connverse being founded on the condition of “Okay, if it’ll keep you from losing your shit, going pink, and turning into a monster, I’ll date you”?!

And in the end it yet again gives Steven more-or-less exactly what he wants, even if it isn’t something he really needs.

I’m glad Rebecca clarified that Steven would still visit Beach City often, because I had a very hard time buying him just traveling by himself on the road. And maybe it would have worked better if he was just doing it short-term to “find himself” or something along those lines, but nope! They’re basically saying this is what Steven wants to do.

And honestly, even that is dampened with his clearly-stated intention of visiting Connie way more than he intends to visit the gems. Even though Connie’s gonna be busy. With college.

This just… wasn’t a good ending. It had plenty of good moments - his goodbye to Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot especially was very well-executed and the closest this finale came to drawing out any real emotion out of me. I loved the scene of Steven giving Greg his room; that was adorable. The last meeting with Tsundere Jasper was amusing.

But everything else… ehhh.

I mean, what can we really take from this season that I haven’t already outlined? The biggest takeaways were the plot points everyone saw coming a mile away that weren’t even executed all that well.

In Dreams, as great at is was, might as well have not even happened - because what really carried over from that episode through to the end? Even though Peridot was the only one who got through to Steven, legitimately comforted him and addressed his fears, and the episode for once ended with Steven being happy with no underlying concerns about his problems - immediately he’s back to being awkward and depressed and frustrated by Bismuth Casual.

And I get that shit like trauma shouldn’t be resolved so easily, but for what In Dreams accomplished, I expected there to at least be a semblance of progress. Steven’s known since that episode he can hang out with Peridot and talk to her about whatever without needing a reason to do it, but he never ever takes her up on that again.

So again, what was the point?

You really get the impression that the quality of writing took a backseat just to emphasize the symbolism of an issue people commonly have, but SUF’s execution stretched my suspension of disbelief far beyond its limits.

And nothing stretched that farther than Connie’s insufferable fucking speech in I Am My Monster; that pretty much completely made In Dreams feel like it never really happened in SUF’s continuity.

In some ways, I just prefer to believe In Dreams was just a dream itself. An AU offshoot in SUF itself. Considering it’s so ridiculously good compared to the other nineteen episodes and by far the most pure and wholesome, maybe that’s the best way to see it.

In Dreams was too good for its own series. That’s literally the only thing I personally took from SUF as a whole (at least in terms of lasting impact).

So yeah, I guess for only one episode of twenty to really hit me in the feels, “empty” is an apt way to describe the series, anon.

Seriously, if I didn’t have my own massive SU-AU to mess around in and do things properly, this probably would have upset me more.

Instead, I just chuckle at Rebecca’s Monster Steven and raise her to what I’m putting my version of Steven through in my current story. Where I’m pulling all the stops to make other characters matter even though the stars are undoubtedly Peridot and Steven.

And I’m actually making actions yield serious, lasting consequences.

(yeah, part of me wishes Jasper wasn’t revived - or alternatively, have Steven accidentally shatter White Diamond instead of Jasper since he came awfully close in canon

or even better, shatter Jasper and revive her, then accidentally shatter White and not be able to revive her since Steven used up ALL that diamond essence on Jasper…

yeah I’m kind of a monster)

Your pain is mutually felt, anon. So I’ll prescribe you endless refills of better-written and better-executed SU fanon to heal the emptiness SUF left inside you.

#answered asks #nice anons #steven universe future #suf finale #steven universe

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1076

Be honest, did Fifty Shades of Grey arouse you in any way? I honestly never felt the need to see a single page, hear of the plot, or watch any part from any of the movies tbh. I just heard from everyone it was full of smut and it was enough to turn me away from it. Then it got banned in my school which definitely helped in not having to hear anything about it again.

What does your sibling(s) call you? In third-person they refer to me as Ate, which is the honorific for older sister. But my sister usually addresses me simply by looking my way and starting her sentence/question from there.

Do you have any close friends that are the opposite sex that your significant other dislikes? I don’t have a significant other anymore but my ex used to be unnecessarily mean about some of my close guy friends. I didn’t like some of her friends too, but I always had some valid reason behind it, e.g. they were creepy around her, they were aloof towards me, etc. But she didn’t like some of my guy friends by the sole fact that they were guys and she didn’t trust them around me, and like it was just something I couldn’t do anything about tbh. It also hurt me, because I love my guy friends and it didn’t feel right that she hated and criticized them without even wanting to make the effort to get to know them.

Do you honestly believe everything happens for a reason? Why or why not? My life is the grand sum of what I make of things. Idk if that’s able to address the question, but that is how I see the world in general.

Do you believe in reincarnation? Why or why not? No. Doesn’t really sit well with me, simply put. I believe that when I die, that is it for me; same with all other living beings.

The Hunger Games or The Maze Runner? I guess The Hunger Games. I saw the first movie and fairly enjoyed it, but that’s it as far as my interest in the franchise goes. I have never had any idea what The Maze Runner is about, and I honestly keep confusing it for the Divergent series for some reason lol.

Has anyone you��ve known claimed to be psychic? I don’t think so. If I did, I probably have already made the conscious decision not to hang out with them a lot haha.

Did/do you believe them? If I did know someone, I would not believe them.

Is anything annoying you right now? It’s fucking Sunday evening and I am not in the mood to go back to work tomorrow. I’m also staying up late (it’s already past 11 PM) and I know I’m already going to regret this, which is annoying me even more.

Have you ever been ice-skating? Yes! So many times as a kid. We don’t get actual snow though, so some malls have artificial ice skating rinks for those who want to do so. From ages 8-10 my mom would drop me off at the rink for me to practice/play in for a few hours because she knew I didn’t like tagging along in errands.

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? I wouldn’t say it helps me sleep since I generally have no issues dozing off, but the sound does make me feel calm and relaxed.

Have you ever seen an albino person, in person? Yes, I had a classmate with albinism at one point.

Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? I don’t think I ever have. I never had to.

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? Probably. Or, at least, shot my hand out in an area where I ended up feeling a big cobweb.

What would you say is your strongest felt emotion right now? Despair. Hahahaha. Give me a longer fucking weekend, universe.

Are you talking to anyone at the moment? No, just this survey.

Do you have trust issues? Well now I do.

Have you ever found an arrow head? I don’t know; I don’t think so.

Who is with you? It’s just me in my room now. Kimi didn’t enter with me, and I think he wants to hang out in the corridor for a bit tonight. He’ll knock once he wants to be in here.

What can you not stop thinking about? How much longer I should continue doing this survey because I need to get sleep if I don’t want to wake up cranky.

Do you forgive easily? No. I tend to hold grudges, and I’d rather be honest and straightforward about my grudges than lie to someone’s face that I’ve forgiven them when I know within myself that I still resent them. I feel like that would be unfair to them anyway so it’s grudges all the way for me.

In what part of your life so far, have you learned the most about yourself? Not sure there’s a most. I possess self-awareness so I continue to learn as I get older. < Yeah I gotta go with this one. In every start of a new chapter in my life, I always seem to pick up new details or lessons about myself.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? I’ve been in physical fights but no fists were ever thrown.

Are your ears pierced? Yes, they are indeed.

What did you last say out loud? Something along the lines of “Not yet? Alright” to Kimi when he decided he didn’t want to enter my room with me.

What are you waiting on? I’m waiting on Friday already -____-

Do you tell people when they get on your nerves? Not usually. I like expressing it indirectly, like having shorter patience with them or ignoring them completely.

Are your feelings hurt easily? This working girl has to sleep, lmao. Catch y’all soon. Okay, where were we... Yeah, I would say being sensitive is one of my main traits. It’s fairly easy for me to get my feelings hurt, and I tend to overthink/overanalyze the simplest of jokes or comments towards me.

What's the most expensive piece of clothing you have? Did you buy it yourself? I haven’t started shelling out when it comes to clothes; like I’ve mentioned before, most of my money goes to food and the rest goes to gas, lmao. My most expensive clothes are probably just my WWE shirts. The merch I own are of the biggest wrestlers during the time I got them, so it was their shirts that cost the highest.

Who is your closest platonic friend of the opposite sex? Probably Hans. The two of us don’t talk much at all, but we always bond super well when we’re together and I can count on him to give me honest, hard-pill-to-swallow advice. Angela has to be with us though, or else I’ll feel awkward and shy.

How do you think your first relationship shaped who you are as a partner now? Yes, but there are good and bad sides to it. I will always be thankful to Gabie for tirelessly encouraging me to try out new things, expand my horizons, and to be unafraid to discover what I am capable of. She was undoubtedly my biggest supporter, especially when it came to going out of my comfort zone. I grew a lot from my relationship with her, so much so that it has definitely helped shape me to be the much braver, risk-taker person I am today. I like who I am now, and I won’t deny that it was she who helped in bringing that person out of her shell.

Bad side...she made me say sorry a lot. For her, she could do no wrong; and even if she did, she was always able to flip a situation around to make it sound like it was actually my fault. And so I said sorry, a lot. For four years. And on my end, I don’t think I received a lot of the apologies I think I deserved. So these days, I get jumpy with people and always feel the need to panic and apologize for the smallest shortcomings. She also always wanted to win arguments. Getting her point across and me agreeing with it mattered more than actually resolving arguments and moving our relationship forward. Bad as it was, it taught me a personal lesson: I learned how to negotiate and communicate better in my other relationships because I wanted to avoid the toxic dynamic I had in my own relationship.

As sad as I am that I lost the relationship and as much as I continue to think of the things that could have been, these days I get sadder instead when I think of how much I allowed myself to be treated that way. Of course, I’m very aware that I had my own set of problematic traits too. I’m not saying I was the model significant other (I was far from it), but the main difference between us is that I was always striving to be better in the relationship. I wanted to address the issues she had with me and to try to be a better, kinder person from it, for her sake and for my own personal growth. Unfortunately, all my attempts at healthy communication with her was always met with, “I can’t change who I am because this is already me.” Anyway, I’m rambling and I’m starting to feel sad again. Next question! Hahahaha.

Who is your favorite protagonist of the same sex? Claire Foy’s Elizabeth from The Crown.

Were you popular in high school? What was your reputation like? I was invisible in freshman and sophomore years, High school was the start of a new chapter, and my track record with new life chapters was never impressive because I take longer than normal to adjust to new environments. By third year I reconnected with Angela, and she hung out with the popular kids, so soon enough I got pulled into that crowd. I’d say by the end of high school I was a solid point on the radar - it was also thanks to my open secret of a same-sex relationship in a Catholic school, if we’re being honest lol - but I never liked having the spotlight on me. I liked that I had popular friends, but I myself never wanted to stir up shit on my own. I was just glad to be constantly invited to soirées and underground parties, lmao.

Have you always known your sexual orientation or did something happen to make you realize it? I’ve always been icky about the concepts of dating and sex. I could never imagine being intimate with anyone, and sex isn’t the biggest priority for me in relationships. The only time it makes the most sense to me is if I did it with someone I’ve built a solid, strong connection with; a close friend that I could trust. Realizing those made it easier to accept within me that I’m demi, or at least dancing around somewhere under the asexual umbrella.

What was the hardest part of your last break up? Coming to terms with how shittily I was treated, during and after. By the end of our relationship, she made it seem as though talking to me and maintaining the relationship was a chore. Every mistake I made sent her into a rage, which always ended in me rapidly apologizing in tears. Then after the breakup, she simply wanted to cut ties with me. She was never willing to allow me to healthily process the situation, and whenever I had questions in mind she would answer them curtly, and not give me reflective answers or perspectives. I begged for a long time to have my questions answered and to allow myself the teeniest bit of closure.

I had such a shiny, sparkly, perfect, can-do-no-wrong idea of my girlfriend for our entire friendship; so to take my rose-colored glasses off was the hardest part of it all. But taking that hard step was also the first step to healing, so it brought some good too I guess. I just wish getting to the good and easy part didn’t have to be so painful.

What brought you out of the hardest period in your life? The awareness that I had friends who unconditionally care about me. Also if I’m being honest, the Christmas break. I realized I was having such a hard time with my breakup because I was also already dealing with work burnout and the pressure of being in a new position and trying to make as few as mistakes as possible – so by the time the Christmas break rolled around and I had two weeks of no work, it was enough for me to recharge, realign my priorities, and determine the things and people that matter and that I want to keep.

What's your favorite kind of smiley face? Idk, I guess just :)? I like keeping my emoticons simple.

Does anybody know your deepest darkest secret? I dunno if I have one.

Did you ever watch Rugrats? (the babies) I did, but I never liked it. I remember Rugrats very specifically because this was the show that would be on Nickelodeon whenever me and my sister would be woken up at 5 AM to prepare for school. It came before Legends of the Hidden Temple, which was a lot more fun to watch.

What about Hey Arnold? I caught it often because this was also an early morning show (it came after Legends of the Hidden Temple), but I was never into it either. I also never got to watch the episodes in full because the school bus would pick me up by the time this was on the air.

Do you like pep rallies? Idk what that is.

Have you ever had pneumonia? No.

What do you feel about surgeries? Do they worry you? The possibility of accidentally waking up in the middle of a surgery and being unable to speak out because I was anaesthetized scares me more than anything else. But since I’ve never had to have a surgery before, I imagine feeling completely terrified if the time ever comes for me to have one.

Do you play Minecraft? if so, feelings about servers? I don’t play it. I think I tried it before, but it just never stuck with me. The most I’ve gone with it is to watch several playthroughs by Pewdiepie. I have no clue what you mean by servers.

Do you read creepypastas? No. I’m familiar with some, but I never read any.

Do you think vlogging in public is scary? I feel like this survey contains snippets from many different surveys because I’ve definitely answered this question before...but anyway, I wouldn’t say it’s scary per se but I AM shy when it comes to these things, and I don’t think I have it in me to carry a camera around in public and directly speak to it.

Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? Mmm no, doesn’t sound like my idea of fun either. I don’t like solving puzzles hahaha.

What social class would you say you're in? Middle class. We live a relatively comfortable life in this country.

Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? Nope. I have never recorded myself singing because it has never been necessary lol.

How do you feel about guns? Not a fan. If I needed weapons for self-defense, I’d get anything other than a gun.

What's the most traumatizing event that ever happened to you? The drunken rages I had to helplessly watch from my childhood years.

Are you faint to the sight of blood? Yeah absolutely. Like I’ve always felt bad about it but I was such a shit helper whenever my ex had her semi-regular nosebleeds. I did help, I just panicked and nearly hyperventilated every time I did so because of the blood HAHA

Do you like spicy food? Love them, but the food has to be meaningfully spicy for me to enjoy it - like curry or laksa. Spicy food shouldn’t just be dishes with sprinkled spicy powder as a finishing touch, because for the most part that just irritates my throat and it doesn’t allow me to appreciate the spiciness.

Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? I think I am back to having simply strange dreams. But in the last few months, my nights had. been regularly plagued with nightmares.

When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? Idk it was probably something my mom said that I had discarded from my memory. I’ve gotten so much better at that now.

What’s your second favorite color? Baby pink/pastel pink.

Do you ever wish you lived in a different country? I think about this everyday. Yes.

Who’s the last person you “pounded” fists with? One of my uncles.

Have you ever been involved in an affair? Nope.

How many times a week do you speak to your boss? I talk to them everyday since we have a Viber chat. I wouldn’t know what tasks to do or prioritize without them, so we need to be in touch all the time.

What do you want for your birthday? I don’t even want to think about my first birthday without her...but anyway, mine and Cooper’s birthday are super close to each other, so I actually want to throw a small party at home celebrating our birthdays haha :) Cooper can get his own doggie cake and cupcakes, heheh.

Have you ever been to a masquerade? I don’t think so.

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? I’m sure I can think of a couple of people I know.

Who in your phone has a heart after their name? Angela.

Anything you’re avoiding? I wanna avoid work for the next hour or so. Then once I’ve done some recharging, I can continue with a few tasks tonight so that my workload can be just a bit lighter tomorrow morning.

After breaking up, what’s the worst? Depends on the breakup. < Agreed.

Does your sibling have a significant other? I don’t think either of them has.

Do you use Skype? Not since a decade ago. At work, we mainly use Google Meet. Some clients will use Zoom; one client uses Teams.

Are you a fan of acrylic nails? Not yet, but I do want to try it out someday just to spoil myself haha.

Name one happy song that describes you better than any other. Idk if I can call myself happy just yet...hmm. Paramore does have a short song/interlude called I’m Not Angry Anymore, and it’s a happy-sounding song with a very passive-aggressive message hahaha. I’d say that’s me right now. Some of the lyrics go:

“I’m not bitter anymore, I’m syrupy sweet I’ll rot your teeth down to their core if I’m really happy

Depends on the day, if I wake up in a giddy haze Well, I’m not angry, I’m not totally angry, I’m not all that angry anymore” and everything about it is so meeeeee.

Name one sad/mellow song that describes you better than any other. Forgiveness, also by Paramore. Sorry I’m in a music slump y’all. Only Paramore has been able to make my days the slightest bit better.

What is your most used pick up line? I don’t use those, nor do I like hearing those.

Do you like the taste of alcohol? Sure. I like strong mixed drinks the best, though.

What kinds of food make you sick? I don’t have a weak stomach when it comes to food. The only food that has made me sick are expired foods.

#survey #surveys

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ohnohetaliasues · 5 years ago

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Stones to Abbigale {Ch. 3+4}

(Kat)

I’m doing chapter four also since chapter three is so short.

I hate this book thoroughly.

But here we go.

Briefly after I fell asleep that night I had a dream about Abbi,

Please don’t go the way I think this is going.

it was the first dream I had experienced in some time. I'm not normally the type of person to be deeply impacted by dreams as more often than not I can control them. I can recognize the fact that I'm in a dream and twist things around so that whatever is making me afraid becomes afraid of me. This tactic however could not possibly work in this soon-to-be nightmare, as there was no living monster waiting around the corner. There was no emotion in this machine that was about to reveal itself to me. I could only watch without a physical form. I was just a helpless spectator in my own mind.

Okay so that was actual word salad.

The dream began without any sound; only a deep hum accompanying what appeared to be Abbi laughing in a field of what looked like gray grass from a far. As my view of her revealed more detail I began to realize that what I thought was grass was actually long slender claws.

So this girl is just...

In a field of claws?

Experiencing a more alarmed spectrum of emotion, the audible hum cut out and was replaced by Abbi's screams. The sounds echoed bouncing off the walls of my mind splitting me in two and engulfing the core my being.

I’m so fucking confused.

She was not forming any words in her screams and I began to understand why the more I analyzed every detail. I shifted my perspective to a new angle. I was now above her looking down and could see the claws were pulling her into the ground. She showed no resistance to being dragged into the ground, she didn't even cry for help, she would only scream in pain as she slowly sank beneath the surface. I began to distinctly hear blades and gears violently turning just beneath her.

I cannot fucking picture this happening for the life of me.

It's difficult to explain, but in her eyes I could see she didn't want to be saved as she genuinely felt she had earned the suffering she was enduring.

Edgy as fuck, okay.

She believed she deserved to be ground up until there was nothing left. Once she was pulled completely under I was finally given a physical form in the dream. Dropping from above I landed on the soil she disappeared in. I immediately dropped to my knees and began digging with my bare hands to get to Abbi. I was only inches deep before the ground ripped open forcing me to jump back.

Okay uh.

I have no valid words that could express how I feel right now.

A deep canyon began to form central to where I had begun digging. The splitting and groaning quickly gained momentum. Ripping and screeching sounds erupted all around me as the earth divided before me at a now crippling rate. A hellish sight consumed my eyes as I looked down on the collapsing landmass below. Powerful machines wielding massive blades swung violently scraping dirt and rock with a sound so tremendous I could only faintly hear the screams of countless desperate humans below.

This is just.

Not okay.

I quickly realized the terrified voices beyond the ripping blades were no illusion.

But this is a dream.

Which means it’s an illusion.

Thousands of lives were being devoured in piles, no person among them begging for life rather, like Abbi, they screamed only from pain delivered not just by the roaring blades and gears, but their very existence itself. Suffering & consciousness had become one in the same.

You are not poetic.

Shut the literal fuck up.

I then woke up to my room filled with sunlight, but it could not change the darkness my dream left me with. I felt something inside me change, almost as if I had seen something I was never meant to and now had to find a way to lose the thick cloud freshly looming over my head.

I hate you.

It is as I said briefly before, I feel like a visitor here, like I'm in this world but not a part of it like everyone else.

Shut up, you pretentious asshole.

I study people and situations to find out how they work and sometimes my dreams fill in the emotions and thoughts I missed while I was awake.

Yes, so you’ve said, in a very creepy non-human way.

Not having to go to school that day due to my suspension I decided to write a letter to Abbi.

Cool. Awesome. This won’t be cringey at all.

It read:"When I look in your eyes... I at times feel a level of sadness I have never felt, as if we, despite barely knowing each other, have been apart for far too long.

Excuse me, that’s incredibly creepy.

When I talk to you it is like I am listening to a voice I've ached for yet haven't heard in a lifetime. Every other experience I have with you seems familiar but at the same time, it hurts, like you would feel if you begged for something and only received it when you had already given up hope.

More word salad.

These feelings are all so strange and evolving at a rate that scares me as they are for someone I am only just now truly getting to know.

Even with my brief presence in your life I've picked up on so much suffering and almost feel powerless to create any change.

This is so alarming and creepy and you need to stop.

There are so many wounds, so many scars, so much I only know enough about to fear. I'm trying to understand. Abbi, you have more pain in your life than I can imagine. I hear it in your voice, I see it in your eyes and in the way you move. I just want to see you smile without there being an ocean wall of tears behind your eyes. I want to hear everything you have to say. I want to find a way to heal the damage done until you can forget it ever existed.

THE ONLY FUCKING PROPER REACTION TO THIS LETTER IS TO MOVE TO ANOTHER CONTINENT.

I sent the letter to her email address, moments later the phone rang. Answering the phone I heard Abbi's voice on the other end.

"Hey, can you meet me at the Quick Shop?" she asked.

I responded, "Did you see my email?"

She replied "Nope, why didn't you just call?"

I said, "It would've been really hard to say over the phone, I had to find the words."

She replied, "Ok, I'll look and then I'll head over."

I then confirmed "Sure, see you there".

Yikes.

Shortly after, I got dressed and skated over to meet her. I arrived quickly, thanks to what seemed to be a record speed for me. However once I arrived I found myself waiting for someone who now had no intention of meeting me. I could only assume I had just made myself look like a huge jerk to her. I attempted to call her from the nearby payphone and she didn't answer.

What did you expect? That she wouldn’t find that fucking creepy?

As I skated home, in my mind, I went through the letter I wrote over and over. I began to blame myself, concluding based on her absence that I must have dug too deep too fast.

I scared her away because I reacted on the emotions I experienced in that dream before actually considering the human being on the other side of the letter.

Yeah, at least you’re fucking self aware for once.

I felt like I was just about finally connect with someone only to ruin everything at the last minute.

That’s your own fault. Don’t bitch about it.

Okay, chapter 4.

My suspension had been lifted and I had just arrived back at Lakewood High. Approaching my history class I could hear people snickering as they watched me walk by.

Someone screamed "Wuss! Learn how to fight!" behind me but I just kept walking.

I feel like I’ve read shit like this before.

Oh.

Yeah, it reads like any angsty Wattpad story ever.

As I sat down in class Mr. Hanson walked up to me, he placed his hand on my shoulder and spoke under his breath so others would not hear "Don't worry about the work you missed, ok James?"

It would be preferable that you didn’t use ‘ok’ instead of the word ‘okay.’

But this is terrible, so I don’t have high expectations. I don’t know what I expected.

I looked up at him and he gave me a slight smile. I suppose it's because he felt bad that I was beaten up shortly after trying to get Jason to leave the class alone. It was a lucky break too considering Mr. Hanson's class was one of the few I didn't stop by to see what work I would miss before beginning my suspension.

No. No. That isn’t this teacher’s job. He needs to grade something, and if James didn’t do the work, it would be immoral to put good grades in the grade book when this is the case.

I approached the art trailer feeling panicked over what to expect. I hated that I said anything to Abbi, that I overstepped my bounds and acted like I knew her when I was only going off my own dream-influenced emotional intuition.

Intuition my ass. That dream means nothing at all. Shut your pretentious mouth.

I felt a conflicted hatred towards myself for jeopardizing a relationship with someone that was so important to me.

MY FUCKING GOD YOU’VE HAD THREE CONVERSATIONS WITH HER.

If she did give up on me, I could only blame myself.

Yes. You can.

Opening the door I could see Abbi wasn't inside, instead there were just pieces of my bear sewn to pieces of her bear sitting on her desk. Maybe I was reading too far into what it meant, I could really only hope that there was something left to us that I could sew back together.

If I have to read another bullshit waxing poetic thing, I’m gonna scream. My eyes are already glazing over.

Walking closer I could see something sticking out just beneath the bear.

It was a note that read: "James, meet me behind the church when you get this."

Immediately, I thought of the church neighboring Lakewood High.

I find it bullshit that James was immediately able to figure out what church Abbi meant when she didn’t even specify which church she was talking about.

I stuffed my backpack inside the desk

Your backpack fits in a desk? Either the desk has a large compartment, your bag is nearly empty, or your bag is very small.

I’m going with the last option because it’s the funniest.

and quickly made my way off campus to meet Abbi.

You left your bag in class and just left?

What is wrong with you?

As I approached the church there was a strong forceful wind blowing behind me that made it feel as if I was being pushed to her by nature itself.

I really hate you pretending to be deep, Onion.

I felt like a fool for thinking that, I'm far too unimportant for any significant force to consciously influence my life. I walked around the church only to hear Abbi say loudly "James!" I turned to see her standing under an overhang that reached out from the church.

That is called an awning.

I walked over to her and began to apologize for the letter, but she cut me off saying "Why did you write that to me?"

A valid question.

I responded "I wanted to separate myself from everyone else in your eyes. I wanted you to know I was trying to understand you, all of..."

She interrupted "How messed up do you think I am James? How screwed do you think my life is exactly? Because if you had any social skills, you might know that saying to someone what you did, is... I'm not damaged goods... I'm not broken!"

Her voice was giving out as she began tearing up. "I'm sorry... I was..." I said, helplessly watching tears fall down her face.

This is a confusing and mechanical interaction.

"I was wrong... but I'm here, and I will be as long as you let me." I said.

She wiped her tears and struggled to speak. "The reason you saw what you did, in my eyes, my voice..." she continued to struggle as she cried "You saw the bruises from my ex, but you wanted to know everything."

You two have known each other for two fucking days. Like, you’ve only spoke four times now.

She paused to wipe her tears again. I listened carefully as she continued to speak "James... I haven't been beaten just one or two times..."

I would care more if there was any buildup to this moment or any character development that would make me like this girl.

But there isn’t.

So I feel nothing while reading this, and that is both incredibly boring and unfulfilling, as well as genuinely kind of creepy.

The fact that this does not evoke emotion in me when I should be feeling some form of empathy instead of the apathy I feel disturbs me.

Abbi said as she looked at me as if every word was agonizing for her to say.

I would like to know why she’s telling this to a guy she barely knows.

With tear soaked eyes she continued, "I've been violated beyond that James... by people who called me their friend, people I trusted took advantage of me and that killed so much of who I am... who I was."

I am so concerned that I don’t feel anything here. Are you guys feeling anything?

Her face was consumed with stress, her body shook but she managed to continue, "My mother abandoned me and left me with my father who doesn't even care if I live..." before she could finish I wrapped my arms around her.

She dug her fingers into my back as she pulled me closer and cried into my chest.

As we held each other I said, "You were never damaged, only changed. Any part of you that you think died is just hidden, waiting to come out when it's safe..."

I want to actually die.

Abbi squeezed me even tighter.

I continued, "Every time I see you, you become more beautiful to me than before."

She gripped me more tightly than anyone ever had. She was finally hearing everything she wanted someone to say to her and I was saying everything I wanted Abbi to hear, that is, most everything.

Okay, cool.

I just... This is such a gross fetishization of abuse? It makes my stomach twist. I also feel strange that I can’t feel any form of emotion for these characters beyond annoyance.

It actually bothers me deeply.

This is the opposite effect you want to have on your readers, Onion. you want your characters to be relatable and real so your readers can connect with them and feel something for them. Well written characters are ones you can get attached to.

These characters are poorly written, which is why I cannot relate to them or get attached to them. I’m not saying I’m any kind of master at writing characters, but Abbi has no personality of her own other than the fact that she’s an abuse victim, and the fact that that is all is concerning. I don’t even know what she looks like.

James is the most pretentious, condescending narrator in the world and it makes me physically recoil while I read from his point of view. He is nihilistic, bleak, creepy, and very flavorless. He’s boring as all hell, and again, I don’t even know what he looks like.

Does Onion just forget to describe his characters? It makes it very hard to visualize anything with them.

Okay. I’ll see you guys in chapter five.

This book is actually repulsive.

~Kat

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immortals-malec · 5 years ago

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ok talk about why clac.e didn't work pls -deamaia

Oof rant here we go. let’s hope it all makes sense because i ramble a lot when i rant. For me it’s the damn writing for them is why c!ace didn’t work, (the chemistry is another one but the writing drives me nuts) So in s1, c!ace was developed as a somewhat high school/your basic white YA novel couple and they stay like this for the rest of the series, they never grew out of it. Until like their last damn scene in 3x22Most of their writing always fell flat in s1, the moments were either down right creepy or just look like they wanted to bang the entire time, they were supposed to have like romantic stepping stones for their relationship and yet, there was none, nothing felt romantic (this can fall on the no chemistry thing as well but I felt like it was the writing as well). But there was some moments you could be like okay cute, but you can realize everytime they had that ‘oh cute’ moment damn Ruelle was playing in the background so we can just thank her for that. Like in 1x11 they had like this moment about what happened in the TWI universe, they’re talking about how this is real and shit I’m like you are trying to tell me that what they said in the AU world is what they felt? Sh!Jace was there for like two seconds and got stabbed! And sh!Clary legit faded out of existence for awhile there, how did she know how that Clary felt??? I was so confused it was supposed to be a romantic moment and yet it confuses the fuck out of me. S2 things just get worse because of siblings plot shit and the fact is they still try to move them along as a couple but just ended up making them have a brotherly-sisterly bond, and the fact is they probably could’ve ended the plot sooner but choose not to and show us Clary moving on with Simon and Jace sleeping with people to forget he’s in love with his sister. Tbh they forgot about c!ace until 2x14 and they suddenly remembered that they were endgame and rushed to get them back together, which some of their moments during that time was yeah sorta okay I still didn’t feel anything romantic going on for them, that fucking glow-y scene in 2x19 is scarred into my brain, that’s like supposed to be romantic-bonding for 2.0 of their relationship is just what the fuck. Without the special effects I would’ve hated to be a cast member watching them hold onto each other while a fan blows air, I would’ve walked off or just cried from how bad it was. And than we have the oh so famous c!ace scenes in 2x20, I still honestly can’t remember feeling for them here, like yeah he’s dead but hes gonna come back in like two seconds. And that damn “i love you” scene that should’ve been cut, one never addressed it, didn’t make any sense (was just there because someone was a little upset that Malec was gonna get a whole I can’t live without you scene) and two because I feel like because is might have been the road to that damn stupid ass shit Jamie gives them and therefore the other writers who actually have brains had to.So now s3 which is the start of everybody is tired of the unearned crap c!ace is given. Because here is when they start trying to build up c!ace (and s!zzy too) as this epic in love, meant to be couple, which is a lot of my eyerolls in 3a come from. You really don’t see it in the first episode but boy in the ones after it you do. The whole talk in 3x02? Like what the fuck where did that come from because I sure as fuck don’t feel like you have given those emotions off before and I don’t remember you looking like this in the s1/s2 writing where was that and also this is basically Magnus’s fucking lines from 2x07! I don’t remember what the fuck happens in 3x03 other than Izzy wearing that dress and the Malec/Maryse dinner. But 3x04 is just a fucking mess and it’s by our favorite writer Jamie!! Who wrote those incesty lines in 2x04! But she’s here writing lines out for c!ace that don’t make any fucking sense and it’s just for c!ace fans. like the whole “My love for clary is stronger than your magic” bullshit, just what the hell, that whole episode is basically telling me that they love each other, but they aren’t showing me because that’s how storytelling works, you gotta do both, Malec has it, it’s not that hard. And also I totally almost forgot that half of s3 was spent with Jace forcing Clary not to tell anyone about the wish, ooo couple goals, not. Than 3x05 happens, tbh I forgot most, other than the Malec drama with the stupid timeline which effects the whole damn show and the angel getting his heart punched out by Lilith and Jace getting spelled.But yeah that stupid ass two month timeline that effects the whole show because Alec and Magnus really began their relationship in s1, they just didn’t make it official to the whole world in s2. It really hurts c!ace and their epic love story they try to give us. Because how did they fall in love to the point where Lilith had to get Magnus to spell Jace, because he’s so in love with her that it’s stronger than the Queen of Hell’s magic???? Unless they’re trying to tell me that they either fell in love in s1 or during the time they thought they were siblings.Which is really fucking bad, so when did they fall in love?! They never showed me in the episodes’ writing. Anyways moving on, c!ace gets some more toxic moments and that another “I love you” scene which just had me on the ground because why Jesus. Do they do this to me. And than we have Izzy talking about how much Jace has changed since they met Clary which has me like this????? ‘Cause hm, well ever since Jace met Clary, he’s treated his siblings like shit and became even more of an asshole, and that’s stayed the same over the past three seasons? Where is the change? Here you see that they’re trying to make them seem like Alec and Magnus, who’ve actually changed since they met each other, c!ace? That’s nowhere in their writing. Then we have the whole 3x08 thing where he’s killing clary in his mind, which i have no words for that since i only watched it once. 3x10, good episode, no c!ace moments other than that fake ass cry and ‘cLAEEERY’ yell. And now 3b is where we get to see all of the book!c-lace moments that either don’t make any sense or are just plain toxic. 3x11 I basically skip all of the Jace-c!ace related moments mainly because i can’t stand his face and i watch this episode right before i go to bed so yeah. But it’s a good episode. 3x12, oh the famous shitty reunion that falls under bad writing and bad chemistry, I can’t tell if it was the writing or the chemistry for that one, the reunion should’ve been nice ass top tier but yet- we get weird ass smiles, barely any emotion because I know they do write like ‘the character feels happy’ some crap like that, because I remember the 2x20 script having something like that- but with c!ace nothing- just nothing. Just about how Jace wanted to take her to Paris, lol where in the fuck did that come from because he’s never mentioned that, nEVER. Than we got 3x13- lol my favorite episode (not) this episode was just a shitty filler, but the c!ace moments make me wanna sleep and gag which was all of the action I felt during one of their scenes. So in this one they are back together and trying to figure out how to get the rune off of Clary, because first she really doesn’t want to have s-ex with Jace, ‘it’s never gonna be just me and you, it’s him too.’- which they end up forgetting. Than we get the shittiest build up to a first time scene ever, because this just comes out of nowhere really I guess if you count the previous episodes as build up, but there’s no build up in this one, it just comes out of no where really. One minute she’s like I wANT THE RUNE OFF before I get the d to- i mean it’s YOLO, give me that d. Like????? WHERE. But here’s where we get a book-quote that doesn’t make any damn sense but we gotta do it. “I will love you until I die, and even after then” some shit like that, I can’t remember. Does she even say I love you back? But honestly here did that even come from, the writing makes me wanna go hide. And we also get the shittiest written/filmed worse chemistry after first time scene ever. Like it’s supposed to be romantic??? But the way its filmed and written is just so damn bad, all I did was gag my first watch and rewatch of it. Not to forget the whole it’s basically a incest three thing, because her brother decides to send her a message afterwards.And 3x14 which is just ughh, most of the c!ace ones were with her brother, and the fact is the little ice skating thing was meant to be cute, I guess but I really didn’t feel shit, they were barely in the next episode. 3x16, also known as the dumb and dumber part for them, because lets summon Lilith-, but also the whole Jace is able to bring her out of becoming evil works on paper, made me have a headache because how was he able to be the one to pull her back??? Like that trope is amazing but for c!ace doesn’t make sense, because they haven’t shown me that they are in love that much, or care that much. 3x17-3x18, I just remember him being there, that stupid wings shit and her knocking the shit out of him when she turned dark clary. Oh but the next one- me hate. We got Jamie once again proving that she’s a shit writer, because we got c!ace and drugs! And don’t forget the whole she’s gonna force herself on him, but don;t worry he can push her away, even though he’s about to pass out. (And never once address this) Barely of them in the next one, because we got another return of the “Until I die” quote that still doesn’t make sense. That I rolling my eyes again, now in 3x21/3x22 they didn’t actually piss me off or make me roll my eyes, because somehow the writing was finally somewhat good for them. But they had to throw the “Loving cells” quote and comparing themselves to Malec, which writers you aren’t trying to hide at this point you were trying to make them out to be next to the Main couple, when I was like I could like them. Their last scene is so damn good! Like punch in the gut. WHERE WAS THAT THE WHOLE TIME. Shorter story with the writing: C!ace suffered from tell us all about it but we won’t ever show you/unearned development. All because Todd and co were chickens who didn’t want to change the endgame relationships and didn’t write them good.Mainly in the end you can tell that like I said before because they fucked around with them, they had to give them the unearned writing, so they could match up with Malec. Because just like go through gif sets of them, most of what c!ace got is what Malec had before, except better writing and better chemistry. The chemistry is another reason- but I believe the writing is the bigger one in the end.

#sh couples #writing problems

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lactosecarrotsoup · 6 years ago

Text

My thoughts on Sean & Finn’s kiss

This will be long and of course contain spoilers, as if you can’t tell by the title... thingy. So, be warned. This will also contain my opinion(s); which is a very sensitive subject in this fandom.

We’re all entitled to our own thoughts, opinions, beliefs, etc.

With that said, let’s get started!

For those who are new to this game... I will give you a short summery. Life is Strange is a video game series ran by DontNod. A great company who loves to make players cry. This season has new characters from the other season and DLC. This season takes place in Washington where you play as a 16 year old boy, Sean Diaz, who’s a regular teenager. He loves drawing, skating, and of course stereotypical teen stuff such as drugs and parties. Taking away the partying and drug usage, he’s your typical shy-ish guy. He also has a little brother named Daniel, he’s 9 years old.

Both of them are Hispanic, including their father (Esteban), making this season’s cast more diverse than the first season, where the main characters were mainly white.

Speaking of their father, he dies. Yep. After Sean forces Daniel out of his room, Daniel runs to their hot-headed neighbor and accidentally spills homemade zombie blood on him. Sean over see’s the neighbor about to hurt Daniel and rushes out the house, protecting him. After a few racial slurs/crude remarks to Daniel, Sean decides to fight him. Sean shoves the neighbor onto a small rock (which I still dont understand how that injured him), and he lays on the ground in shock/going unconscious.

A cop shows up and hell breaks loose. The cop only see’s the “blood” on the neighbors shirt and Daniels, thinking nothing but the worst of the situation rather than questioning them. The dad comes out, trying to reason with the officer and he gets trigger happy, shooting Sean & Daniel’s dad, killing him. Daniel screams in shock/anger/horror and Sean blacks out. Whenever he wakes up, the entire street is destroyed and more people are dead/unconscious. He grabs Daniel and they runaway, not wanting to get involved with the crime. It’s later found out that Daniel has powers (similar theme to LIS season 1) and can move objects with his mind.

More shit happens, yada yada yada.

NOW.

Episode 3 just released. In episode two, the brothers meet quite a few people. But most notably for this post, Cassidy and Finn. These two are regular friends (or maybe even “fuck buddies” as Finn and another girl described their relationship), who are a lot like Sean and Daniel. Cassidy left her old home life to live on the road. Finn, I can’t remember if he said anything or not. But I would think it would be for the same reason or something crime related.

Anyways, point is, they all group together and live in the woods. But, they all also work for this dude who runs a farm with nothing but pot.

Yep.

A nine year old and sixteen year old kid are working at a pot farm.

This leads to Finn, Cassidy, and Sean to get high, drunk, etc.

Finn get’s a hair up his ass and decides; “Hey, why don’t we steal all the cash from our boss? Who cares if he may know about Sean & Daniel’s backstory, has security footage evidence of them, and shotguns?!”

Cassidy is against this. But you, the player, have the option to accept or refuse his plan to rob the big dude with the cash.

And in the words of Chloe Price from season one; he’s got some “hella cash”

SORRY I HAD TOO.

But still, you can either rob from the guy or go against it. But HO HO HO! This choice doesn’t matter that much. Finn does it anyways (with a fUCKING NINE YEAR OLD HELPING HIM AND RISKING THAT KID’S LIFE) and Cassidy gets upset and worried. So, if you disagree with Cassidy, you end up meeting with them anyways so you can stop them. You get in trouble either way, btw.

But, let’s back it up.

If you agree to join Finn’s plan, he’s happy and you have the chance to romance him. Which, at first thought (including mine), was great! In the first season, Max was bisexual. You can flirt/romance with Chloe and/or Warren. With Sean romancing Cassidy and Finn, the developers made him bisexual.

But... it’s not all roses. Let me give you my first reaction. I do actually have it recorded.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGJ8lg5clHM

2:29:55 - 2:34:24

If you don’t watch it, basically I was excited and shocked. I didn’t like Finn at first but in that moment, I shipped them. I wanted Sean to be happy and happy enough to open up about his sexuality, if he hadn’t already.

But, I realized something.

Finn is most likely 20+. Sean is still 16. This means Finn is an older guy kissing a minor, which is of course, illegal. Not to mention that earlier in that episode, he was teaching Daniel to throw knifes and such. He smokes and drinks and admits his sexual relationships in front of a kid, too.

Speaking of his sexual relationships, it would be highly toxic if Sean and him dated/had casual sexual intercourse. Just based on Sean’s personality and how he had a crush on that Jen girl in the first episode, and how close him and Cassidy warmed up to each-other, he wears his heart on his sleeve. One thing this season has done WONDERFULLY is not distribute toxic masculinity. Sean and Daniel have both cried several times. Most men don’t like to talk/show their feelings because they feel weak and such, which is horrible. No guy should feel that way and should openly express them-self.

Sean does this, which is amazing. Yet, still can harm him.

Right after you agree to Finn’s plan, you can kiss him. Throughout the episode, he also flirts with Sean. Of course you have the CHOICE to kiss him... but it’s only after you accept his agreement. You can kiss Cassidy (and sleep with her) but she will storm off, angry, without kissing you, if you agree to Finn’s plan. Which is reasonable. Or, you can lie to her, saying you thought his plan was dumb, and she’ll kiss you. Both reasonable (in my opinion) responses to each situations.

But, how come you can’t kiss Finn regardless? Sean can say no and they could still talk about their feelings, leading to a kiss. Instead, they do nothing.

Finn is manipulative. He used Sean’s emotions to get to him. He probably noticed how close him and Cassidy were and how much love he has for Daniel, openly saying it every now and then, and wanting to protect him. Finn noticed how open Sean is and took advantage.

Imagine if this wasn’t a choice base game and the story automatically follows Sean agreeing with Finn.

He flirts with him throughout the episode and is very charismatic. Since Daniel notices how close Sean and Cassidy are getting, he rants to Finn. Finn takes in this information and uses it against them. He becomes “cool” in Daniel’s eyes by being super chill, rebellious, and showing him how to violently protect himself/hurt others. In a sense, he becomes Daniel’s temporary older and “cooler” brother, making Daniel look up to him. With Finn’s flirting, he admits (once again, if your choices didn’t matter) that he has feelings for some guys.

Finn takes note of this.

The idea pops into his head to steal from the man who runs the pot farm... thing. I’m an innocent bean who hasn’t done anything harder than prescribed drugs for anxiety and stuff. So forgive me if I’m getting these terms wrong, LOL! But, the point still remains, he tells Daniel who is automatically on board. I doubt a 9 year old boy truly cares if they have enough money or not. I bet his main thought was “If I do this, then Finn will think I’m cool! He’ll treat me like an adult and so will others.”

In fact, I bet you that was his exact thoughts, just based on what he said to Sean and how he acted towards others.

If you really look at it, guys... it looks similar to a Mark Jefferson/Nathan Prescott relationship in season 1. I’m not going to go into many details for the people who haven’t played/watched season 1 yet, but I’ll give you guys a basic rundown by what I mean.

Nathan was mentally ill. He suffered from possibly multiple disorders and had an abusive father. His father wanted him to be the best of the best, not for his sake, but for the families sake. This got to Nathan and he hated his father. Mark Jefferson was a teacher who noticed this, befriending Nathan, and becoming a fatherly figure. The two teamed up to do sickening plans and crimes together which ended up getting them caught in the end.

Now, who does that sound like?

Daniel just lost his father and he’s angry. He probably has PTSD and anger management issues, based on how he’s acting and the situations he’s been through. Finn is an older figure and tricks Daniel to follow his plans and crime, as they’re stealing. They end up getting caught by the boss no matter what they, Sean, Cassidy, or the player does.

Sean is in the same boat, minus the anger issues. He probably suffers more from depression and PTSD (since he talks about the past a lot to others and how they know their story). Since he does talk about his feelings, Finn uses to his advantage.

When Sean agrees to the heist, Finn and him (can) kiss as an award. An award for falling into his trap and doing whatever he wanted.

Nathan got fatherly love and praise from Jefferson, resulting in him to continue their disgusting plans in order to feel loved.

Sean (and Daniel) and becoming the Nathan of this season.

We have to watch out who will be our jefferson.

I also have to address another elephant in the room.

We’re the reason this happened.

If you go through old DontNod/Life is Strange official posts (I suggest instagram or facebook, where i saw mine), I saw nothing but comments saying how much they want Chloe and Max back. I assume this is because of how you can romance Chloe. They want their love story/friendship to continue. Even though we did get a comic series based on them, it wasn’t good enough.

DontNod probably got sick of it and forced this to happen. While they were probably writing Cassidy as a love interest in the beginning, and Finn as probably just a random stranger or a brother of hers, the noticed all the hate and said “fuck it!”

As a result, we got the chance to kiss Finn... before you could write him off by injuring or killing him. Which, many people were pissed about.

But if you REALLY think about it, we were the cause of that. They probably didn’t want that, wanting to focus on Cassidy and the actual story. But many people wanted LGBTQ+ moments (which is understandable) but didn’t want Sean and Daniel’s story. Or they did get involved in their story but wanted a LGBTQ+ character.

The story of Life is Strange (both seasons + DLC) is nothing more but teens/young adults finding themselves through very difficult times. This with the responsibility of super powers, which are hurting those around them. It’s not meant to be a romance. It’s meant to be a drama, sci-fi, and angst story. (And thriller bc of Max’s nightmare bc that shit scared me)

While yes, I was happy and excited at first about Sean & Finn kissing. I was happy that there was potential for things to be “normal” and Sean to be happy, there was a lot of red flags. The age differences, the manipulation, the parallel's, and how forced it was.

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk! Before you leave a hateful response, please know my opinion is valid like yours and others. Not only that, but I’m not the first to point some of this out. :)

#lis #life is strange #lis 2 #lis 2 spoilers #life is strange 2 spoilers #sean diaz #daniel diaz #life is strange 2

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sawickies · 6 years ago

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okay, newish hockey fan who doesn’t really follow isles/leafs/etc.: what do you mean by “the way” Tavares left? would you be willing to explain what was so bad about it?

Man, okay.

So, last season his contract was expiring. Leading up to the expiration of a contract, the team a player is already signed with has a window of opportunity to sign them to an 8 year contract instead of a 7 year. The deadline for that happening was midnight on July 1st.

Throughout the season when asked about the contract, Tavares maintained that he wanted to be an islander for his entire career, that he loved playing on Long Island, that he hadn’t considered playing anywhere else. At the trade deadline, the last chance for the islanders to trade Tavares for other assets, he reportedly asked the GM not to trade him, once again maintaining that he planned to sign with the Islanders & be an islander for the rest of his career.

When the week-long window before the July 1st deadline rolled around, he met with other teams to see what was out there, as was his right & basically is what was expected. He reportedly met with the Bruins, Leafs, and Sharks, in addition to hearing a pitch by the Islanders management—management that had just been revamped completely in the hopes of assuaging any lingering doubts Tavares had about staying. They had gotten Lou Lamoriello as the new GM, who had won 3 cups with the devils, was already inducted into the hall of fame, and had been key in Toronto’s rebuild. They also got Barry Trotz, who brought a crew of seasoned NHL coaches with him, and had just won the cup with Washington. This was a complete 180 from the previous mismanagement the team was under, and was prompted in large part by a movement by the fans calling for the firing of now-former GM Garth Snow.

—>I’ll address the mismanagement under Snow a little later.

So Tavares had his meetings and the week began to tick by. There was complete silence on all sides, for the entire week. Nobody heard anything until July 1st, when it was announced that he’d accepted the Maple Leafs deal. It came out shortly after that he didn’t share his decision with the Islanders until late the night before (I believe the report was 9pm but I don’t remember exactly).

He tweeted the photo of himself in leafs bedsheets with the caption “not every day you get to live a childhood dream” immediately after the announcement.

He maintained that it was a difficult decision for him (the reason for the late notice) and that he truly made the decision at the last minute after wrestling seriously with his choices.

This turned out to be less than true, as his agent subsequently said that he knew as early as the Thursday night before the deadline that he wanted to sign with Toronto. More recently it’s been reported that people close to him knew for a while that he wanted to go to Toronto. As further corroboration to this, his fiancée apparently took a job in Toronto well before the end of the season.

As a side note regarding this, at the point that he told the Isles no it was known that the Bruins were out of the running. The Sharks, however, were strung along until the end along with the Islanders, which is why sharks fans now boo Tavares as well—he basically held them hostage during a key negotiation period where they could have been pursuing other pieces. So, yeah. We’re not the only ones that don’t think he handled it the best.

tl;dr: he repeatedly told management and fans that he wanted to be an islander forever/resign with them long term, then turned around and signed with Toronto after handicapping them by not telling his decision until the last minute, and additionally seems to have lied about wanting to stay on the island in the first place.

I put that tl;dr there, because now I’m going to get into the emotional side of this, as I see it. I get that people aren’t going to be understanding, they’re going to continue to shit on isles fans no matter what I say, but I’ve been trying to find a way to articulate all the things I’ve been feeling as an islanders fan, as a fan whose second favorite team has been the leafs for as long as I’ve been a hockey fan, since I got the notification on July 1st that it was official. I think after last night I finally have the clarity to do that.

We know the management for his time here was terrible. God, do we know it. We know the other pieces on the team were lackluster, that they never got the pieces he deserved to have for his talent. We put up billboards calling for Snow to be fired for fucks sake (and y’all made fun of that, too). We demanded trades we never got. We dealt with a stubborn coach that loved to play grizzly veterans who couldn’t skate worth a damn over young pieces that could have actually helped make a difference. WE. We. We thought we were all in it together, with JT, and that now that things were finally turning around we could reap the rewards together. Was it naive? Absolutely. At the end of the day, sports is a business like anything else, and any perceived loyalty the players have to fans or an organization is there to comfort fans, to make them feel like they’re a part of something, and is not always genuine. This is proof of that.

But isn’t that the way fans of sports are supposed to feel? That you’re in it together with your team? That no matter what happens, you’ll get through it together? Win lose or draw, you’re watching the game anyway because you love the team, you love the players, and they love you because you support them. Isn’t that the way it works?

So why are people so surprised that we’re upset? Can you fans of other teams really look me in the eye and say that if your star player, who swore up and down until the moment he signed with another team that he wanted to be the captain of your team for his entire career, can you really tell me you wouldn’t be upset? Wouldn’t be hurt? Wouldn’t feel betrayed?

I don’t care what people say, we supported him through thick and thin while he was here. He gave his everything to us, and one day he’ll get what’s due to him for that. He deserves it. But the wound is raw. We’re trying to move on, and we are! The islanders are in first place in the metro, a point behind the leafs, a million miles away from where everyone thought we’d be this season. On days when we’re not playing John Tavares’ Maple Leafs, our incredible team is what we’re focused on.

But last night? Last night was catharsis. Last night was 13,000 Islanders fans coming home and coming together and supporting each other through their pain. He should have known what was coming, he’s had enough experience with fans at the barn to know what was coming.

I’d bet that’s the last time it’s that wild. No doubt there’ll still be boos and we don’t need yous in the future, but that much energy? That much hurt? We needed to get it out of our systems, release the pressure that’s been building since July 1st. If you think that makes us assholes, that’s your right, but it’s also our right as fans to get closure on an era of our team that turned out to be noting but empty promises & pain. The Tavares chapter on Long Island is officially over. I’m sure everyone on both sides is relieved.

Finally, if you have any doubt that the animosity we hold toward JT is born from anything other than the passionate love we had for him while he was here, consider this: at the end of the game, a few sections of fans tried to get a chant going that went “thanks for leaving”. Every other chant started that night gained momentum and eventually took over the entire coliseum. That one? That one petered out and faded, barely a dull roar by comparison. In our hearts, in my heart of fucking hearts, I wish more than anything he was here with us to share in this amazing success with the team that drafted him, that loved him so passionately for so long. I’m crying right now, for the first time since July 1st, thinking about how amazing it would be if we had found this success while he was still our captain. Maybe it would have been enough to get him to stay, even if our fans and our love for him wasn’t.

#long post #anon #sorry it took me so long to answer #i actually got to go to the game last night so thats why #leafs #isles #john tavares #k watches the nhl #islanders #maple leafs #the second half is cross posted on twitter with some edits

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