#and bro has long hair and is generally kind which is so unlike men so he could pass y'know? /j/j/ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jypbae7 · 4 years ago

Note

Me me meeee <3 I'll request a full analysis about NCT's Johnny! 😚😚 Include errrrthing baby hahaha 18+ stuff, him as a romantic partner aka bf <3 whatever you want! I'm so excited to read this akndfkgkfn 😎😎😎❤️❤️

Johnny Suh - Natal chart

Finally finished it!! Johnny was actually the most requested member I received in my inbox! Sorry that it’s nearly the length of a novel lmao but I sectioned it to make it easier to read and navigate 💕

(Not claiming to be an expert this is just for fun please don’t take anything too seriously!) Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy it 🥰❤️

Personality: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Virgo rising, Leo Mars

While Aqua is a fixed sign it is definitely the most adaptable of the 3 fixed signs due to the Air element of Aquarius plus the ever spontaneous Gemini moon. Most things that make the rest of us feel anxious tend not to seem that scary to fearless Gemini or cool as a cucumber Aquarius.

Natural social butterflies who love their tribe deeply and fiercely once they find them. Busy bodies who are easily bored if left unstimulated too long which will turn into crankiness if not rectified quickly. Thankfully Aqua & Gem have a zest for life that makes them quite easy to please. They are open minded and will gladly stay up till 3am talking about aliens and conspiracy theories, just like they are thrilled to go on last minute random trips just because why not (Gemini impulsivity at it’s finest lmao)

Gemini is a mutable sign unlike fixed Aquarius. This is a pretty big difference and something that goes under the radar with Aquas due to that cool as a cucumber attitude. Because they are adaptable and typically very easy going they don’t often show their stubborn aggressive sides and honestly prefer not to have to unless they are feeling extremely disrespected or pushed beyond their boundary which is a BIG let me say that again, BIG no no with Aquarius (almost as big as it is for for the water signs)

Adding to these deep inner thoughts and vast inner world that Aquarians have, his Virgo rising adds more depth and self awareness. As perfectionists and highly intellectual minds they are a lot more self critical than they let on, just like they are a lot more caring and soft than they let on. They deeply care about others and the world in general seeing the big picture in a very earthy and traditional way - good people should strive to put good out and try their very best at whatever they do. They deeply dislike mean, malicious, manipulative, or spiteful behavior or people and generally keep guarded around people they don’t know well until they feel certain of the person’s true intention. There’s nothing Virgo is more cautious of than to be swindled or hurt by someone they take it reallyy hard and they know it.

Now we alllll know his swag and confidence is legendary and we can all thank the Leo Mars placement for that and the beautiful lush shiny hair and big toothy smile (Looking at Mark, Jaemin and Xiaojun like 👁👄👁) But beyond the aesthetics and dripping confidence and charisma, Leo is another creative sign that tends to be a lot more intellectual and intuitive than people give them credit for.

When the other members call Johnny one of the scariest members you can bet it’s his aggressive fiery fixed Leo Mars which is loud and even violent when provoked enough not to mention the fixed Aquarius tornado energy...Oooof that is a lot of Fixed sign rage right there honey so let’s tread lightly with Johnny boy and appeal to his open minded and friendly nature with a gentle tone and non-pointed words during discussions and all shall be good even if there’s some disagreeing!

Honestly if the argument starts getting bad you can always distract the Gemini moon by just bringing up other interesting topics! Geminis minds move FAST and while they can process a lot of information quickly and precisely they tend to get distracted easily (but here’s the good side of that😉)

Aquarius have a deep love of family and the desire to create their own (Geminis often share this trait) they can feel a bit like outsiders or “other” from people and thus crave to build a tribe of their own - this can be friends that are lifelong deep relationship carried on no different than family or starting their own family with a partner and kids

Relationships:

Non-Romantic Relationships & overall communication style: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Leo Mars, Virgo Rising

Built off laughter, time spent together whether its at home hanging out casually or going out for meals and fun new things to try together

Wants to bounce lots of ideas off of his closest friends and secretly loves doing creative stuff together the most - this is pretty evident if you watch JCC he’s happiest when he’s doing stuff with his bros whether it’s sporty, musical, or crafts

Does not like to be vulnerable even with those he’s close to, tends to stick to neutral and more light hearted topics of interest and conversation because he prefers to spread a good mood instead of a heavy one

If he really trusts you or has worked through it enough already to want to talk about something serious you’d better listen cause the boy drops gems of wisdom and has a really soft mushy heart

Immediately adopts his close friends as family and no matter the time apart or distance will always treat them the same

Likes friends he can learn from and take on new adventures with they satisfy the intellectual Virgo rising and Aqua & leo sign thrill needs - Gemini is all about BOTH of these

Deeply appreciates loyalty, acts of service, and quality time with his friends and family - makes his heart soooo happy BUT

He would rather fucking DIE than let you or anyone see him cry so he cries like 4 times a year at 3am in the bathroom while everyone’s asleep (HIGHKEY feel like Ten & Jaehyun are exactly like this too)

Romantic relationships and preferences: Capricorn Venus, Leo Mars, Capricorn Juno, Capricorn Eros

Mr. Johnny Suh has THREE Capricorn placements tied to love and intimacy so that’s saying something lmao

Going against Aquarius’ open mindedness and anti-traditional persona Capricorn prefers all things traditional and stable.

Very much does acts of service for his partner as a sign of affection also lots of touching and quality time.

A veryyyyyy spontaneous boyfriend/partner thanks to that Gemini moon - he either wants to stay at home in pjs and order food and have movie marathons or whisk you away on zero notice to a trip lol

Earth sign men are drawn to women who embody very flowery feminine energy and aesthetics. They prefer a “natural beauty” who can spice it up sometimes rather than a super flashy 24/7 partner. (He’s said in the past that his ideal type is Yoona which says it all lol)

Will be highly drawn and intrigued by someone with a high work ethic and high intellect. BIG bonus points if you can keep up with his sarcasm and jokes.

Earth signs are pretty physical and handsy so expect to have little personal space around him, make no mistake they enjoy this very much. He will definitely be grabbing you and picking you up often! He’ll be smirking down at you devilishly watching you get flustered backed into a corner trapped by the sheer size of his muscular body. A Capricorn male’s ego really enjoys this dynamic, trust me lol.

Also another quirky male Capricorn trait that actually applies to Aqua & Gem as well… They like to initiate all the touchy feely stuff - What I mean by that is they can get easily spooked by clinginess too early on. These three signs want romance and definitely want to feel that you’re into them but they also are innately independent and enjoy relationships where their partner can also go off into the world and thrive in their own way and meet back together in the middle. So long as you can find a happy balance, when you are together you won’t have to initiate anyways honestly because he’ll be the one pulling you.

Okay let's talk about Juno & Eros - Juno in Capricorn is about serious, loyal, long term commitment though they tend to marry later in life once they’ve already achieved the things they want to for themselves which I can see being the case for Johnny as well especially with his current career.

18+ Preferences:

Eros in Cap where to begin - high libido, stimulated by visuals and touch. Wear interesting colors, patterns, textures to catch his eyes & his hands - lacy lingerie is a plus the texture will really excite him and the feminine look will please his earthy traditional cap side. If you really wanna have him drooling throw in some spicy contrasts like a leather choker with the lace set and you’ll also set off his Aqua, Gem, and Leo placements as well ;)

Tends to bounce back and forth between fucking you like you’re a cheap groupie whore and taking his time staring you in the eyes and kissing you passionately as he’s stomach deep - no inbetween but really who’s complaining??

DOM KINK - NOT UP FOR DEBATE he has THREE Capricorn placements for fucksake meaning 3 cardinal signs which are literally called “the INITIATORS” plus all his other fixed personality placements

More of the classy rich ceo vibes kind of dom (suits, expensive cologne and jewelry, leather, black and red binds) - takes you to bougie hotels when he really wants to ramp it up and not have to care who hears. You can expect not to sleep those nights but he’ll damn sure pamper you afterwards with cuddles, food, and a spa date.

Now...with all his Air sign placements...I have to say it...he’s a kinky ass dude. Few things are off the table, but he’s also super content with “normal” stuff too. It’s more about the person and experience for him than doing the wildest things possible. So if it feels natural and right then he’s down.

Don’t be surprised if he wants to tie you up like a pretzel or role play because he’s definitelyyy going to ask. Well actually he’d probably just buy whatever outfit or binds he wanted to use and casually be like “look what I got for us baby” as if it’s matching charm bracelets or something. The good news is he’ll dress up and get into it with you and he’s super receptive to your boundaries, fantasies and making it enjoyable as possible for you too.

If you flip the script on him and suddenly break the norm either by taking the initiate/lead first or trying something new he will absolutely combust 🤯 and be in the palm of your hand staring in absolute awe and fascination till he can’t take it anymore and reclaims his spot as the one in control

Nudes, videos, and phone sex when apart are a definite and they really keep the passion burning for him which is honestly VERY important and don’t worry he’s NOT shy and you will be grateful for the beautiful collection of photos and videos 🤤

Boredom for Aquas, Gems, and Caps can quickly lead into self-sabotaging behaviors and/or wandering eyes not because they don’t value loyalty but that they really need and benefit from mental stimulation and feeling wanted so when that’s gone they can pull away

Honestly pretty much any type of lingerie or outfit will turn him on because the most arousing part for him is knowing that you spent time doing such a naughty thing for his sake

Breeding kink - 3 earth placements and has said himself in interviews he would’ve started having kids at 25 if he wasn’t an idol soooooo that’s a definite. He imagines you pregnant with his baby and it makes him super soft and warm which quickly turns to super turned on. He loves the primal marking aspect of claiming you in such a way and also watching you unravel to the point of begging him to do it. Even if it’s just “play” he loves it and will probably think about it a lot more than you know. If you ever do it for real he will be utterly and completely obsessed with you forever and be practically more excited about all the stages of your pregnancy than you are

#nct #nct 127 #johnny suh #nct Johnny #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct astrology #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 smut #Johnny suh fluff #Johnny suh smut

249 notes · View notes

hardcoreprocess · 4 years ago

Text

Oh, to love as Night and Day. — Beta Bro, Rose, Dad E. — 1204 words. — A gift for a Polyswap event on AO3. Focuses on arranged marriage, wedding jitters, age / experience gaps.

Expecting brutality from a marriage is not the norm for an aspiring Queen Apparent, but it's difficult to put aside misgivings when faced with— the gentlemen intent. Both, of course, are older. Established. Kings, one inherited and the other taken by war. They are good men, close advisors assure, with fine breeding or good training to their combined name. Even still— she is nervous.

All throughout her fittings, it lingers. Concern, no. Fear, unlikely. Merely uneasiness. Exchanging letters is a way to gauge the emotional depth of a person, but does every royal pen their own thoughts? Or do they rely on scribes and whispering consorts, dictating what a young girl would like most to hear?

These overwhelming thoughts are beginning to twist in her mind, gnarling an already thorny bramble. The wedding arrangements are in place, handled with utmost efficiency by mindful cultural experts. A bit of everything, seamlessly blended. But now the fault lays on her, manifest in the form of dress anxiety. Too snug, too revealing, too bright, too drab...

As her mother might say: "To err is human, to fret is Lalonde." What a kick she'd have as witness to this event. Positively smug to the bone, and she'd leap on suggesting an outlandish gown.

It's all the motivation she needs to form a final decision. Her chest heaves a sigh of relief as warm orange and pastel blue garb her in heavy veils, sweeping silks. Billowing sleeves serve to hide fiddling hands, loose skirts to obscure unsteady legs, and flats to avoid twisting an ankle before scores of nobles. Now that would be embarrassing.

Fortune is smiling down at her, it seems. Only half an hour remains of her "preparations" now, leaving no room to panic or second guess further. The gathering of maidfolk breathe a collective sigh of relief when she deigns to eat, offering light hand cakes and sips of bracing wine when asked. When this inevitable timesink is complete, the princess vows internally to recognize each for a duty well done.

As long as she doesn't take ill mid-ceremony. If such a thing occurs, her ire will be unparalleled. With nerves still jockeying her good senses, this possibility is assured among her attendants. Used to such things, they smile placid but disbelieving. On a better day, it might make her crack a smile of her own. For now, it leaves her petulant.

Not for long, at least. Drums ring out in a cheerful march, but in her fugue? It feels like a funeral procession. Even through the heavy veil, the magelight is almost piercing.

At the end of the hall, stood by the altar and the comfortable arrangement of pillows beyond, stand her betrothed pair. Arrayed for the wedding in unexpected fashion— and this stalls the worrisome roils in her gut. Though their lands could not be more different, hers sequestered where twilight sky is near-eternal and they basked in equal morns to eves...

On her left: the Lord Keeper of the Heartland, a towering specimen typically garbed in fuchsia and violet. Now he drips with gold, ears to ankles, arrayed in the colorful array of a sunset. It complements her well, and brings softer element to his general's figure. Her right: the High King of the Fertile Plains, steely blue eyes in perfect harmony with a sweeping suit of navy and seafoam, styled to accentuate the grey coming into his hair. Not built for war as his counterpart, but solid as they come, an anchor dressed like midnight

She is— the plushest of the lot, and comparatively small. Not uncomfortably, but certainly unprepared for how far back her head must tip to make some semblance of eye contact. It's when the music swell begins, as her padded feet cross the threshold into the grand hall, that they turn. Perfectly synced. Two of a kind.

A matched set that she will soon be joining.

Part of her reels, body moving without her accord down the aisle of thick carpeting towards the grooms, at the realization. Soon— too soon— not soon enough— they will be joined in matrimony. Is it natural to feel like an imposition? Of course she's garnered feelings for the pair, after so many hours tucked into her chambers with letters penned bold and strong, but—

Surely they consider her a means to an end. Pretty, youthful, capable of bearing a child to term. If it weren't her, it could have been anyone. And that sensation, the bitterness in her gut, returns even as every step shortens their respectful distance. Close enough now to see the silver in blond locks, the scars in broad hands dusted in dark hair, the warmth in very different smiles.

One grins with his eyes, squinted and curved with cat-like amusement. The other is nearly paternal, proud in the most forgiving sense. It turns her gut, different this time. So light, so ticklish, she does not dare open her mouth for fear of the butterflies escaping all at once. The dais represents the final step, not unlike the perilous climb to gallows. Hesitation, thy name is

"Rosalind?" he asks. The shorter one, dark-haired, gentle in tongue with concern knitting his brow. He speaks soft, with only her ears in mind, tipping out of a perfect posture to draw nearer to her height. Mindful, the bastard, to the point of tempering some number of fears. That hand is still outstretched, and what fool would she be if it was not taken?

So her soft fingers rest in his scholarly palm, to be gently led up the first step. There is one more, her mind helpfully reminds, and to balk again is absolutely humiliating. But when a furtive glance is cast to the other side, a hand waits for her acceptance. He is not as gentle, built for battle or conflict. They shared barbs in letters, but appreciated kinds, a like-mindedness that lends itself to soothing the nerves.

Gold pierces through her veil, as though he can perfectly discern the position of her eyes despite layers of fabric. Maybe he can. But his voice is gentle now, a reminder of their decision. "Are you ready?" is a— difficult query. There is time to run, gather her skirts and flee all the way back to a starving country wracked by loss and ill-preserved culture, isn't there? And she knows, surely as the sun and moon rise, that they would allow her to go.

If that is what she chose.

One slow inhale. One slower exhale.

"I am ready," Rosalind says, smooth as the waters over which she presides. To her right, James affords another fatherly grin, saturating her in raw courage. To her left, Ambrose narrows his eyes in silent mirth, spurring her to proper form. Beyond, behind, their congregation seats—

•

They are a set, the day and the night and the twilight between. For every heaven has a moon, a sun, and stars to govern. An auspicious day, a beautiful union, and rumor speaks of portraits to come that depict the ecstasy of matrimony. Loving, transcendent, a honeypot overflowed with nectar and seed. Maybe the rhymes will cease when the Queen of the Wine Dark Sea no longer trembles with finish.

[Original text available in Oh, to love as Night and Day. on AO3.]

#homesmut #beta bro x rose #dad e x rose #beta bro x rose x dad e #hcp beta bro strider #hcp rose lalonde #hcp dad egbert #regiphilia #experience #age difference #exhibitchtionism #blacklist #writing process

2 notes · View notes

derangedsilence · 5 years ago

Text

Hikaru Saijou

Permissions

Please feel free to check any of the Sakamaki Bros.’ permission lists. It’s pretty repetitively the same.

Singleship per verse, please feel free to participate in the plots as appropriate, etc. *It’s very unlikely that I’ll ship this muse unless I’m very familiar with the other rper and their comfort zones, sorry. I’m not writing certain stages of Hikaru’s courtship on tumblr, so be warned, but the content will be expected to be referenced and likely part of any ship with him.

*Much of this information is based heavily in headcanons, as this is a character from a drama CD.

Biography / Stats

FULL NAME. Hikaru Saijou AGE. 18 BIRTHDAY. October 14 GENDER & PRONOUNS. Male, he/him ORIENTATION. Demisexual SPECIES. Human OCCUPATION. Future CEO of the Saijou corporation, a “top 1%” kind of company when it comes to power, money and influence. Student council president, third year of high school. RESIDENCE. Saijou residence, Japan

HAIR. Auburn EYES. Blue BUILD. Slim HEIGHT. 5'7'' TATTOOS. None. PIERCINGS. None. ADDITIONAL MARKINGS. Scar over his heart from the heart surgery. OTHER. Left-handed.

ZODIAC. Libra ALIGNMENT. Chaotic good...mostly POSITIVE TRAITS. Gentle, charismatic, cautious NEGATIVE TRAITS. Workaholic, melancholic, single-minded

BIRTH PLACE. Japan NATIONALITY. Japanese FAMILY. Touji Saijou (father, alive), [REDACTED] Saijou (mother, alive). EXTENDED FAMILY. Plenty, as branch families. Hikaru is the heir to the Saijou family’s main branch and has been engaged to a childhood friend of his for a long time. EDUCATION. High school NOTABLE SKILLS. Business acumen, barbed words, multilayered language, smiling through the pain, the art of blackmail (as taught by his father) LANGUAGES. Japanese, JSL, English FAVORITE FOOD. Tea enjoyed with his fiance. DISLIKES. People who try to steal his fiance from him while he’s OUT OF THE COUNTRY GETTING HEART SURGERY--

Appearance

Inheriting Touji’s good looks and his mother’s softness, Hikaru has auburn hair, blue eyes and his mother’s gentle aura. He dresses appropriately for whatever occasion, albeit somewhat conservatively. When it comes to the school uniform, he wears it properly.

If he notices that his fiance has temporarily taken fancy to a particular color, he’ll sneak it or a complimentary color into his wardrobe for awhile.

Personality

The Saijou family has a curse. The fact that there is a curse, so to speak, is known to each direct heir. Whether or not they understand what the curse truly is, well... No one the men of the Saijou house love, not a single individual they love, will return that love. “The act of not being loved by their other half runs in their blood.” This is an accepted fact - Touji, like his father and his father, before him, have all been prepared to grab up the person they love by any means necessary to combat this.

Raised carefully with the hopes that he would be the one to one day break the family’s curse, his mother doted on him lovingly. He is not fully aware of the nature of his parents’ relationship, but has some inkling of how it started if not to the full extent. If the implications reach him when he receives advice from his father on how to obtain the person he loves, it’s muted beneath the need to love and be loved by his ex-fiance.

A soft and polite boy, he can be quite the melancholic and dramatic individual. He has no illusions that most people enjoy his company for the benefits it can provide: money, influence, etc. He takes very few friendships with full sincerity, generally regarding his two childhood friends his only “real” companions. He’s a workaholic as well, which is how he wound up becoming student council president at his current school. He has a weak heart and has had to undergo more than one surgery in his childhood, including once in high school.

He truly cares about both of his childhood friends, but he’s not selfless enough to let them go be happy as a couple without getting in their way. Not when they broke his engagement off while he was in the States getting surgery and definitely not when his ex-fiance still says she cares quite dearly for him. If he had any resolve to be kind about it, it stops there.

Hikaru won’t watch someone else have the person he loves. No, not when he has his father’s advice to follow.

History

Once upon a time, the Saijou family was cursed. Hikaru’s mother hopes that one day Hikaru will be able to break that curse and raised him as lovingly as she could. His father cared for him as well, in his own way.

Born with a weak heart, Hikaru has had to undergo many surgeries for the sake of his health. He has two childhood friends: Kazuma and Hikaru’s fiance. He became particularly attached with his fiance when he challenged his classmates to chess, claiming he would grand them any wish in his power if anyone could beat him. He was terrified he wasn’t going to survive a surgery he had to go through at ten years old. Classmates took on the bet requesting dresses, new toys, etc. The only person who won against him was his fiance - not his fiance at the time - and said her price was to play together once he came back healthy.

He told his father about this and how much he liked the girl. His father sought out hers and arranged a marriage, assuming his son’s temperament would be like his own. Life went on and the three childhood friends were happy.

Another surgery became necessary in high school and Hikaru had to leave for America once more. During the time that he was gone, Kazuma confessed to Hikaru’s fiance, the engagement was broken off... And Hikaru found out about all of it when he returned. He remained friendly and cheerful, if hurt, and the only sign that it deeply wounds him are the occasionally barbed remarks he gives Kazuma. Kazuma takes it like a champ, knowing they’re still friends and because Hikaru doesn’t go too far. It hurts - it would make sense that it hurts him to have his fiance stolen by his friend. Still, Hikaru remains kind to both of them and doesn’t really hide his love for his ex-fiance if it comes up. He doesn’t shove it in their face, but he doesn’t pretend he was anything but in love with her if the topic rises.

He’s teetering on the edge, considering several plans of how to win his love back or if he even should. Unfortunately for her, she gives him enough of a response to move forward one day: she still admires him and cares strongly for him.

That’s enough for him.

Verses

Brief summaries of the verses for Hikaru along with potential links for those less familiar with his drama CDs but still want to interact with him. For the sake of keeping things clean, encouraging community-wide and cooperative storytelling in roleplay, and not letting things get too crazy, verses will be limited. More may be made over time as needed.

Summaries:

| Hikaru Saijou’s Drama CD Summary | (Coming Soon)

VERSE - GENTLE PRINCE OF THE SAIJOU CURSE

This verse takes place from the point of view that Hikaru did not receive, or at least has not yet received, enough of a reason to move forward with the attempts to obtain his ex-fiance. He’s stuck in a one-sided love and has to mildly support his two friends and their growing relationship.

Verse Details | Tag: #V; HIKARU; GENTLE PRINCE OF THE SAIJOU CURSE

VERSE - CURSEBREAKER OF THE SAIJOU FAMILY

*This verse will typically be the default, ‘main verse’. In this, it is assumed that Hikaru has already done the, uh, work involved in stealing his fiance back for himself. His friendship with Kazuma is either destroyed or strained forever and he continues to move forward, always taking great care to make sure no one would take his princess away again.

Verse Details | Tag: #V; HIKARU; CURSEBREAKER OF THE SAIJOU FAMILY

VERSE - MISC.

Posts that would involve duplicates (unlikely) in the same scene in a manner that would be hard to pass off as typical flow for those verses or other complicated scenarios that could arise.

Verse Details | Tag:#V; HIKARU; MISC

SITUATIONAL VERSE TAGS

#V; HIKARU; UNIVERSAL

Posts that can easily be assumed to have occured in either verse, typically answering asks, etc. that aren’t directly related to events unique to their timelines.

#V; HIKARU; WHAT IFS & #V; HIKARU; ONESHOTS

Likely reserved for one-off threads exploring a “what if”, a romantic meme that would otherwise be inappropriate, etc. If a meme doesn’t quite fit with one of the existing timelines, it’ll get one of these.

Trivia

Heir to having more money than most of Japan combined, please stop him.

Tags

THREAD / WRITING TAG: #echoes in the halls; hikaru

HEADCANONS: #hc; kankinkon; hikaru

IMAGES: #itt // hikaru saijou

MUSIC: #music; kankinkon; hikaru

#blog; stuff #blog; muses

4 notes · View notes

thebachelordiaries · 7 years ago

Text

Jocks And Finance Bros: Bachelorette First Impressions

Becca, I hope you like jocks and finance bros.

If not, you’re shit out of luck.

Becca dates one athlete and they beat that one dating preference of her’s to death by casting 18 or so former athletes. Kind of like how they beat “Let’s Do The Damn Thing” tagline to death.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am.

A letter to the men on this season of The Bachelorette:

Do you think you deserve this goddess of a woman, Becca Kufrin? You probably don’t. You probably think too highly of yourself to know this.

Maybe two of you will be good enough for her. Five of you may turn out to be decent people, but that’s me being generous. If it’s anything like JoJo’s season, we will have just one or two decent men. ABC producers, please don’t let me down. Oh wait, you already did with the super-short bios.

This season we have 25 28 men vying for Becca’s heart, or at least a blue checkmark on their Instagram page. At least one of you will get fake engaged on Paradise and six of you will move from middle-of-nowhere USA to Los Angeles and move back home within a year. I’m not sure which guys will do that yet, but it’s always fun to guess!

Anyway, good luck with your 15 minutes of fame!

Signed,

The Bachelor Diaries.

WTF: No Q&A?

ABC did not include the usual Q&A in this year’s cast bios. I’m so offended. How will I truly understand these men if I don’t know what kind of fruit they’d be or what kind of superpower they’d want?

I would boycott this season because of this, but I have literally nothing better to do on Monday nights, or any night for that matter. I’m still going to try my best to roast these men, of course. It shouldn’t be that hard.

Despite no Q&A’s, I will still form my own opinions on these guys. I, like Kanye West, am a free thinker. Go poopidy-scoop yourself, ABC.

Ok, now let’s get to know these men:

Alex, 31, Construction Manager

Alex is the male equivalent of the basic white girl. He likes country music, his dog, the beach and skiing. He probably has “Let’s go on a hike together!” on his Bumble profile and regularly wears a Patagonia dad hat.

Blake, 28, Sales Rep

We already met horse boy Blake on After The Final Rose. He either played baseball or football in college. Thanks for being so concise, ABC. However, he looks like a baseball player to me. While originally from a small town in Colorado, he definitley lives in LA now. He also believes “two people need to be independent in order to truly love each other” so I think that means he’s into open relationships and or will cheat on you.

Chase, 27, Advertising VP

Chase, unlike Blake, was definitley a college baseball player who was apparently good enough to be in the College Wold Series but evidently not good enough to go pro— at least longterm. We also met Chase on ATFR and I don’t remember much about him. He likes “adventure” and the “outdoors” so he’s quite the special snowflake.

Chris, 30, Sales Trainer

What even is a sales trainer? Chris hopes to retire by 40. In this economy? Good luck with that. He is passionate about “fitness” and “health” which is so unique and different. I feel like I really got to know him through that piece of information.

Christian, 28, Banker

Christian is a former semi-pro soccer player who moved to the US from Mexico when he was three. I feel like his picture makes him look like he has a little head, but other than that he seems alright.

Christon, 31, Former Harlem Globetrotter/ Professional Dunker

I spent a good 30 seconds wondering why two guys with the same name didn’t have their last name initials included in their bios. It took another 30 seconds to notice that Christon was spelled differently than Christian. So this dude is a professional dunker in LA. My first thought is that he’d have a pretty good intro video package for The Bachelorette. Anyone want to put money down that he gets one?

Clay, 30, Pro Football Player

Clay was on his way to the poetry slam but somehow got lost and ended up on the Bachelorette. He allegedly doesn’t curse but is a fan of hip-hop music. I think he is the “famous” football player who was in talks to be on this season. Apparently I should care. Never heard of him.

Colton, 26, Former Pro Football Player

“Hi, my name is Colt and welcome to my Youtube Channel!” That’s the vibe I’m getting from this picture. I’m also getting Blake Griffin vibes. He just looks strangely tan here. Colton may have a job at the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I’m curious to know if he has a story as to WHY he is involved with CF. He also lives in Denver and has a dog named Sniper, which is awkward because the neighboring city of Boulder just banned assault weapons.

EDIT: He was the guy who asked out Aly Raisman via public video and they briefly dated. I shipped them so hard. I AM SHOOKETH.

Connor, 25, Fitness Coach

I feel like I’m going to be sick if I hear one more guy talk about how they were “almost” a professional athlete and how much they lo0o0o0ove working out. I’m sadly only at the beginning of this cast list. Someone pray for me. And someone pray that Connor’s eyebrows grow back after that terrible wax job.

Darius, 26, Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

Darius works for big pharma yet claims to be dedicating his life to helping others. Err, okay. He likes to dance and travels a lot so my guess is he’s probably not ready to settle down at age 26 despite his 36-year-old hairline.

David, 25, Venture Capitalist

David looks like every finance bro who lives in West Village and only dates 22-year-old Instagram models. The only difference is that he lives in Denver instead of Manhattan, which by society’s standards makes him more wholesome. He also loves guacamole, but dislikes avocado, which roughly translates to: I don’t cook and eat Chipotle for dinner every night.

Grant, 27, Electrician

The only way Grant is making it past night one is if he shows up fully dressed as a member of the Village People or as Bob The Builder. If not, he has no chance.

Garrett, 29, Medical Sales Rep

Pro tip to ABC: The letter A comes before the letter R in the alphabet. These names are out of order.

Anyway, Garret reminds me of Ben Afleck in that his face just makes me want to punch him..in the face. Besides the fact that he also works for big pharma, he actually has outdoor hobbies besides “I enjoy fresh air and walking in the woods” like fly fishing and showshoeing. I’m hoping he isn’t a giant jerk because I kind of like him.

Jake, 29, Marketing Consultant

I thought his name was “Joke” at first because I am a terrible person. I think Joke...I mean Jake...is from the same city as Becca. (I’m assuming Minnesota only has one city) I feel like all hot people in cities have this inner-circle where they know of each other, so maybe they’ve crossed paths before.

Jason, 29, Sr. Corporate Banker

Andrew Keegan? I love your work. “Jason” likes sports and singing along to Disney movies. He contains multitudes.

Jean Blanc, 31, Colognoisseur

I love that ABC took a smart, educated, immigrant with a successful job and gave him a fake occupation on television. Jean Blanc is a cologne connoisseur. I feel like he would smell good. 10/10 would smell him.

Joe, 31, Grocery Store Owner

I feel like a lot of these bios are the equivalent to what it’s like to drive in an Uber. The driver is always explaining to you how successful they are and where they traveled as a way to prove they aren’t some loser driving you around. Joe’s bio screams “Yeah I own a grocery store but also worked in finance before I burnt myself out, so don’t judge me.” Nobody was judging you, but now I am.

John, 28, Software Engineer

John hopes to be the first Asian male to make it out of night one on The Bachelorette. I can already tell he’s better than most of these guys: he works at a start-up in Silicon Valley, likes wine, plays guitar and bakes banana bread. He deserves a rose, dammit!

Jordan, 26, Male Model

Robert Mills, who is like an important ABC guy or something, called Jordan the “greatest Bachelorette contestant of all time.” Clearly he’s trying to make us forget about Chad. Good luck with that, Robert. Definitley not happening.

So Jordan is probably this season’s villain. Whatever, I don’t care. I DO care, however, that his bio is bragging about a mediocre 4:24 mile time and “sprinting to the finish line.” The time was written as “4.24″ by ABC and a comma is also missing from that sentence. ABC, let me know if you want to hire me as an editor. Back to the mile comment: A mile is an endurance mid-distance race. Nobody is technically sprinting in it, unless it’s a tactical race. Puns don’t work if they’re factually incorrect.

Kamil, 30, Social Media Participant

Kamil works in real estate and is a part-time model, but ABC decided to call him a “social media participant.” He’s originally from Poland but lives in Upstate New York, which is evident based on the fact he’s wearing a denim button-up shirt.

Leo, 31, Stuntman

It’s crazy how fast Alex Bordy grew his hair in a year. “Not Alex Bordy” is a stuntman in LA, which I heard is a pretty sick job. I am personally a fan of his hair. He knows how to tame those curls and probably rocks a great man bun. I would love to know what products he uses.

Lincoln, 26, Account Executive

Lincoln has a lot of things going on in his bio. He moved to Boston from Nigeria as a teenager, went to college in Kentucky and moved to Santa Monica for work. We met him on ATFR and he was super nervous, cute and had an accent to make most girls swoon. I’d say make him The Bachelor but 26 is too young in my opinion.

Mike, 27, Sports Analyst

How come every Ohio sports fan names their dog Riggins? Based on his hair, I’m assuming Mike is a radio sports analyst. That hair on television? No thank you. Hopefully Leo can give him some tips to make his hair look decent. Did you know: Becca’s psycho ex Ross used to have long hair? It was not cute. But I don’t think Becca is going to send the long-haired guys home immediately a la the notoriously shallow Andi Dorfman.

Nick, 27, Attorney

I’m excited for Nick to be on the show because I know him by association. Let me explain: A friend of mine went to school with one of his friends and periodically stalks her social media. The friend is a girl, so I think he’s friends with mostly girls, which may explain why he loves to “brunch.” He looks terrible in this photo. Nick gives me polished, sexually ambiguous vibes based on how he appears on Insta. I also knew he was going to be on the show before R*ality St*ve, which made me feel powerful. It was a rush.

Rickey, 27, IT Consultant

I know of Rickey too. He was a Bodybuilding.com Spokesmodel Search finalist in 2017. Hashtag #rightreasons. I’m not sure how “online personal trainer” translates to IT consultant, but ok. Side note: I don’t think bodybuilders look good in suits so he might go home night one.

Ryan, 26, Banjoist

Before the “Yanny or Laurel” debate there was the “Ryan or Brian” debate on After The Final Rose. Evidently the answer is Ryan. He’s the new Wells and I could not be more excited to watch this babe on my television screen. He plays at least four instruments and loves to sail. He also screams “family money” but it’s ok, we can mooch off his parents together.

Trent, 28, Realtor

Can you imagine having a child and naming it Trent? This guy never had a chance. He is a realtor and a part-time model (I swear I wrote the same thing a few contestants up) and has appeared on covers of romance novels, but I certainly wouldn’t call him the next Fabio.

Wills, 29, Graphic Designer

Wills is a graphic designer who loves Harry Potter. I see no problem here. Except for maybe his porno-stache.

Prediction corner:

Welcome to the prediction corner where I never get anything right. Oh, you know what happens because you read spoilers? Please keep that information to yourself. I like to find out what happens on my own.

Without further ado, here are my baseless predictions:

First Impression Rose: The guys who got the First Impression Rose on the last three seasons became engaged to The Bachelorette. If that happens this year I demand a scientific case study to explain the power of first impressions on women. Anyway, I think Ryan gets it.

Season Villain: Jordan (that was easy)

Next Bachelor: Blake (don’t ask me why)

Winner: Garrett (I like him)

Comment below to let me know your early favorites!

#The Bachelorette #Becca Kufrin #abc #Arie Luyendyk #chris harrison #photo credit ABC

41 notes · View notes

coshayphinelove · 7 years ago

Note

5 character headcanons - cosima, felix, scott, art, mk, rachel, krystal, adele

i am so sorry if you are on mobile and the read more does not work properly and you see all of this.

you have my deepest apologies.

Send me the name of a character and I will tell you my:

cosima

1. sexuality headcanon: canon says she’s a lesbian, i just wanna say that despite what interviews beforehand said.

and i’ve always had the idea that for a long time she had a complicated relationship with her sexuality. she identified as bi and/or queer for a while and swore off labels for another. like she had been with guys before and they were fun and everything. and the girls she was with were also fun but she was only looking for fun there, too. but now she’s gotten to the point where she’s looking for something more serious than fun. and that led her to realizing that she Loves women way more and way more thoroughly than she likes men (if she even can really call it liking men at all). and so she’s getting comfortable with labels and id’s as a lesbian now.

(i only think that because the two conflicting informations needed to be reconciled in my head.) (i’m not a lesbian so please tell me if this is not cool or something that isn’t part of being one.)

2. otp: coshayphine. they’re just. so good. though i’m kind of dragging myself down a sarcoshayphine hole and there’s #noragrets. (some ragrets, actually. that is so many people and hands and emotions to keep track of.)

3. brotp: if it’s not a sarcoshayphine thing, then sarah. i feel like aside from helena and sarah they’re the closest. and they just care so much for each other that if it didn’t get to a dating level then they would be the bestest of bros.

and if it is sarcoshayphine then charlotte. i’ve already decided that she calls her little buddy (even after charlotte gets taller than her) (which is going to happen).

4. notp: idk? paul? i really hated paul.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head: I Have Too Many.

but i love the idea of her getting a hair cut like this or this (short sides and a floofy curly bit at the top) bc in my head she’s nonbinary. so she’s got this big life change of turning over a new leaf and being free finally and coming to terms with some new identities and she just cuts all her hair off. Symbolism.

6. one way in which I relate to this character: i like science and girls and if they happened at the same time for me i would start coughing up blood too.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: her seemingly putting her own needs aside and not talking to delphine. like they start and she brings up good points, but delphine is written to be cryptic af so it just seems like she gives up on trying to find out what she wants or working their relationship into something more healthy. and that makes me real uncomfy.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: cinnamon roll!!

The rest are under a cut!!

felix

1. sexuality headcanon: he is gay

2. otp: either him and colin or felony. i just miss tony a whole lot.

3. brotp: sarah. lov thos kids

4. notp: ??? paul. i’m just going to keep saying paul

5. first headcanon that pops into my head: i have it outlined for the post s5 fic that once coshayphine move into their residence that they’re going to keep for the foreseeable future they hang up the painting of cosima. and she hates being the only one with a 5 foot tall painting.

so being a good foster brother-in-law or whatever they are to each other, he paints one of delphine and shay too, because that’s totally what cosima meant!!!! not that she wanted it taken down/put somewhere other than the front room. thanks felix. sure thing cosima, what are foster brother-in-laws for? and he paints delphine naked to make her just a little uncomfortable (one of his favorite past times), but it’s from the shoulders up. so it’s not too weird.

6. one way in which I relate to this character: sarcasm and using gay as a descriptor

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:season 4. like. i know it worked out in the end. but the fact that he didn’t understand why searching for his ‘real sister’ while there’s life or death situations bothered sarah was like. the worst. and i understand his side too, but like.. did it need to happen Right Then? when evil corporations were stealing and copyrighting genomes??8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: cinnamon roll.

scott

1. sexuality headcanon: biromantic asexual!!

2. otp: hellwizard and/or rune wars.

3. brotp: team science mega force

4. notp: just gonna say paul right down the line, for Comedic Effect.

but for a while there were people who were like scott/delphine or scott/cosima and it was. a no from me.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head: has the unfortunate job of first one down to the lab in the morning. he either wakes cosima and delphine up or walks really loudly to alert them that he is there. he is usually someone who likes to start work early, but… he starts coming in later because he’s seen things that he Did Not Want To See. he is unable to make eye contact with cosima for a week after she was going to run to the kitchen to grab breakfast naked but didn’t know he was there. poor guy.

6. one way in which I relate to this character: Uncomfortable Chortling™.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: Uncomfortable Chortling™.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: cinnamon roll. the purest one. he just really wants to help his bro.

art

1. sexuality headcanon: bi art woulda been cool.

2. otp: safety and happiness. i don’t know what we know about his ex but if it was healthy and loving but just dissolved bc of him working so much then maybe he could reconnect with her?

3. brotp: beth and art 5ever

4. notp: sarah. They Are Friends.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head: is such a good dad. plays dress up and does tea parties and when charlotte is having behavioral problems at school takes the time to talk to her and figures out it’s bc she’s bored and too smart. had to be forced to stop bed time stories bc ‘that’s for babies, dad!!!’ was a little more than heartbroken. is the dad that runs out onto the soccer field when his kid is taken down and appears to be injured. cries openly when he finds out that helena named her son after him.

6. one way in which I relate to this character: Guy Who Just Wants His Friends To Get Their Lives Together But Doesn’t Worry About His Own.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: in the finale there was this shot of him while he was helping helena give birth. and i think they went too close with a short lens while he was laughing because his face kinda looked distorted. and it was a nice laughing face but the distortion kinda scared me. made me think something bad was about to happen WHICH WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN OKAY8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: cinnamon roll

1. sexuality headcanon: asexual aromantic

2. otp: how just so totally alive she still is and how she killed freshanando

3. brotp: nicki? nikki? however you spell her name. and also beth.

4. notp: death. canon.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head: got pretty much all of her money from embezzling and investing. she only embezzled like $2,000 from each corporation, but she was so good at timing and watching the market she’s sitting on several million dollars. but she likes her trailer so she just gives the extra away as it comes in. at least now that she has family to gift it to.

cosima enrolls at University of Toronto and finds the exact amount for her tuition is wired to her account.

delphine needs to buy a whole new wardrobe and rebuild her life and an envelope full of cash is waiting in the mailbox at the comic book store. (not the point right now, but where THE FUCK was she getting her clothes???)

alison is worried about the kids’ college tuition bc of their year of unemployment plus drug dealing and gets a transfer.

sarah takes some time in finding a job and is worried about making a payment on S’s house but then it magically goes away and so does the next one.

etc. etc. and she never runs out of money, but everybody else just thinks she’s being so generous. and they never ask for more, bc god how could you ask for more after gifts like that. and so she just keeps accruing more and more interest so she starts just dumping all this money on charities.

6. one way in which I relate to this character: i really wanna blow frickinanderino up.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:i don’t think there was anything... but i don’t really remember much of s4... maybe the driving with the sheep mask on? that was so dangerous and extra.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: cinnamon roll

rachel

1. sexuality headcanon: i’ve been seeing some people talking about lesbian rachel and i can get behind that. like seeing the number of clones showing signs of ‘sexual fluidity’ or whatever the book phrased it as. and she doesn’t want to be like them. so she forces it down to be The Perfect Subject. then later realizes that that made those subjects of more interest to some of the scientists. or she never considered it for herself because they always gave her male monitors so she just didn’t think about it. there’s some angst there.

2. otp: propane.

3. brotp: who was the guy she texted ‘update pls’? bc whoever she felt she could text slang with they must’ve been close.

4. notp: paul, but i mean it this time.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head: go read @sharkodactyl s fic the sun that’s setting in the east.

6. one way in which I relate to this character: is a sucker and would do anything for an authority figure’s approval.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:anything to do with ferfuckle. honey. love yourself.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: Problematic. not even fave. i felt for rachel, but it was very cool_motive_still_murder.gif. unlike with other characters who did bad things, her intent was to harm. even if it was misguided revenge against the wrong people. though i am glad that she got out alive and can try to live a life that she actually chooses rather than what is chosen for her.

krystal

1. sexuality headcanon: idk.. maybe pansexual? or she just doesn’t do labels and has a whole speech about it.

2. otp: brie. they even have a canon ship name in kay-bee.

3. brotp: manicures, mimosas, & croissants as described here. but basically krystal, adele, and delphine. they go for brunch, get their nails done, and tipsily validate the everliving fuck out of each other.

4. notp: paul, cuz why not.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head: bc kay-bee is obviously canon... after the incident with brie’s hair krystal is extra careful when she plays with her hair. and she takes extra special but sneaky looks to see if she’s getting any bald spots. in short, she’s worried about her girlfriend and wants to make sure she’s okay.

6. one way in which I relate to this character: does The Most but is dead wrong.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: the fact that john and graeme didn’t know that she was based on a kroll show bit and accidentally kinda stole her.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: the cinnamoniest of rolls

adele

1. sexuality headcanon: i feel like she is a straight person? she just reminds me of my country relatives who have ‘live, laugh, love’ signs in their homes. idk why.

2. otp: getting help for her drinking problem and getting un disbarred. re barred?

3. brotp: as stated above: manicures, mimosas, & croissants.

4. notp: fuck it. paul.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head: she’s scarily good at video games. she didn’t even realize it until she sat down to play with the kids, at their request, and finds out that she can’t stop winning. the kids then ask her to leave.

6. one way in which I relate to this character: is also very ready to drink at any time.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:idk i feel like she was a wholesome addition to clone club. maybe her inability to keep a secret even though everybody told her to not tell.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: cinnamon roll.

#Anonymous #i realized when i got to art that you probably meant just 5 for each of them #but it was too late #long post #very so long post #i didn't know i had opinions about any of this #cosima niehaus #felix dawkins #art bell #scott smith #mk #i refuse to tag her other name #rachel duncan #krystal goderitch #adele i dont know her last name #but i dont think anyones gonna be searching my blog or tumblr for my headcanon post #tbqh #headcanons

10 notes · View notes

kadobeclothing · 5 years ago

Text

Every Moustache Style It’s Acceptable To Have In 2020 (And A Few That Aren’t)

An unlikely bit-player in one of summer’s cinematic dramas has been the humble moustache. Or, to be more precise, the face-furniture attached to actor Henry Cavill. This became an issue because extensive reshoots for Justice League overlapped with the filming of Mission: Impossible – Fallout, for which Cavill had been required to grow a moustache (which he was then contractually prohibited from shaving). The realities of stunt-work meant that Cavill couldn’t wear a falsie for M:I, so Warner Bros took the hit and removed the offending ‘tache from his reshoot scenes using CGI (the results of this have not entirely impressed fans).But with such a high profile role celebrating the elaborate nose-warmer, are we due to see a renaissance in top-lip grooming this season? With the hipster beard possibly reaching the end of its lifecycle, this could be the next follicular frontier. But if we’re going to reclaim the muzzy from 1980s footballers, Latin American dictators and retired Northern Irish paramilitaries, which moustache style should you be going for? Well, in descending order…The ChevronThe closest to a naturally grown-out shape, the Chevron is a deceptively tricky style to pull off unless your name is Tom Selleck or Ron Swanson. It can balance out big facial features and conveys a certain old-school, ‘eighties dad’, anti-fashion power, but you need a decent thickness of hair and growth to avoid looking like a schoolboy who’s trying to buy a pint.It works best as part of a generally macho look, so try and put some gym-bulk on before growing this, and perhaps pair it with a heavy, unreconstructed scent for maximum alpha-male impact.Key StylesThe BeardstacheThe least showy, but the most easily executed of these styles – a classic workmanlike moustache, paired with a lightly developing beard. A look that suggests you did have a well kept Chevron, but a week or so of fighting crime, defending your property and generally being rugged has let it slip a little. Less eye-catching than a clean-shaven face as there’s a reduced contrast in the skin-and-hair tones, but you do need a decently even stubble growth to make this work.This moustache style suits dark colouring better as lighter hair can make you look a just scruffy rather than ‘relaxed.’ This is Henry Cavill’s moustache in Mission: Impossible, so expect to see it appearing on your high street imminently (albeit on men who don’t look quite as heroic as Cavill).Key StylesThe PencilThe pencil was originally conceived as an elegant, minimalist reaction to the overbearing facial hair of the Victorians. Popularised by Hollywood idols, it only later became shorthand for the more furtive gentleman – and to this day, it does conjure up images of chaps conning lonely widows out of their savings or selling hooky nylons to London’s women during World War II.This isn’t to say it can’t be revived in a modern context though (take a bow, Jamie Foxx), but be warned that it will require almost daily shaving to maintain its clean lines. If you’ve got small features, it can work well. However, if paired with a scruffier look or long hair, there’s a real risk of getting into ‘amateur sorcerer’ territory (Jack White is a prime offender).Key StylesThe HorseshoeAn extremely strong personal statement. Associated with Hulk Hogan, Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction, 80s leather ‘clones’ like the guy from the Village People, and amphetamine-addled bass-wielding metal god Lemmy from Motorhead, this is an absolutely no-half-measures moustache style.Not advised for anyone with a long narrow face as it will give you a certain equine aspect, and it needs to be considered as part of a complete outfit: it will go perfectly with head-to-toe biker leathers or broken-in double denim. Not such a good fit with something you picked up in TK Maxx to wear to the football.Key StylesThe HandlebarA tricky case to call: on its own merits, a fine moustache style that demonstrates real commitment to growth, grooming and upkeep. But it has unquestionably suffered from association with retro-bores who have tainted it with the whiff of ‘Keep Calm And Carry On’ posters, ear-bleeding, irony-laden electro-swing music and Blitz-revival club nights.It’s adaptable to most face shapes, so if you are going to try out the Handlebar, either contrast it with a simple workwear-inspired outfit, or go for something smart, preppy and Ivy League (or, like it’s most famous exponent, Rollie Fingers, a baseball kit). In short, if your moustache is shouting for attention, then your outfit shouldn’t be.Key StylesThe WalrusThe absolute big daddy of facefuzz, best exemplified by actor Sam Elliott. A shaggy, grown out, big-beast, perfect for the larger gentleman, anyone with a huge nose or a wide face. It can make you look prematurely old, so think carefully about committing to this style. Be prepared for some gentle ribbing from your less fashion-forward peers, along the lines of ‘Careful you don’t get harpooned, you big fat bastard.’Also, check that your significant other isn’t going to dump you rather than be seen with someone who looks like they spend a lot of their free time playing Magic: The Gathering and watching The Discovery Channel.Key StylesThe Anchor BeardPerhaps the worst facial hair style ever devised — and one that even the patron saint of male grooming, David Beckham, has fallen victim to — a combination of a pointed beard that traces the jawline and peaks in a sort of below-lip soul-patch, sitting below a disembodied moustache.A statement which hints at long hours arguing on Youtube comment threads about Pick-Up Artistry, in-depth re-watchings of The Matrix, and ownership of at least one sword (or ‘mastery of the blade’ as this kind of helmet would doubtless term it).Key Styles Source link

source https://www.kadobeclothing.store/every-moustache-style-its-acceptable-to-have-in-2020-and-a-few-that-arent/

0 notes

samanthasroberts · 6 years ago

Text

Meet Wyatt Russell, Hollywoods Most and Least Likely Leading Man

Wyatt Russell walks into a room and it’s almost too easy to make assumptions about him. Luckily, he upends nearly all of them.

The star of AMC’s big-swing summer series, Lodge 49, which debuts Aug. 6, towers a few inches above a tall-and-thin six feet, with hair down to his shoulders, a scruffy beard, and a languid surfer beach drawl to complete the stereotype of the SoCal beatnik—which he plays very well, but hardly fills.

No, this is the son of Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, and his foray into Hollywood would seem a formality had the 32-year-old actor not spent the majority of his life rejecting the family business in pursuit of a career as a hockey player.

When we meet in Beverly Hills to discuss his new series, which is also his first leading role, the person we encounter is not the strung-out stoner his looks might betray, nor is it the entitled heir to Hollywood royalty you might expect from a person with as much celluloid history in his bloodstream.

Instead, the Wyatt Russell we meet is as wide-eyed and enthusiastic as a breakthrough actor experiencing the spoils of Hollywood for the first time, but with the self-awareness and intelligence of a person who knows how brutal the industry can actually be.

Maybe that’s because, for all the ways he’s seen his mother, father, and half-siblings Kate and Oliver Hudson navigate the business, he’s also churned through perhaps the only industry more ruthless: professional sports. Before he started seriously pursuing a career in acting eight years ago, he had spent over a decade as a promising hockey goalie, until an injury set him on a new path.

It’s perhaps fitting, then, that Russell’s debut as a leading man is in a TV series as unconventional as Lodge 49. As Russell tells it, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

The official logline for Lodge 49 describes it as a “modern fable,” centered on Russell’s character Dud, a lost soul trying to rebuild his life after a surfing injury, the death of his father, and crippling debt have left him homeless. One day, while spelunking for treasures with a metal detector on the beach, he discovers a lost ring that takes him to the doorstep of Lodge 49, “a dusty fraternal order which offers cheap beer and strange alchemical philosophies.”

So what you have is this unusual mix of a series about this eternal optimist, Dud, who is either blind to the fact that he’s hitting rock bottom or manifests a trampoline from optimistic delusion to bounce him back up again. He lands at a Masonic Lodge, of sorts, that provides a lifeline yet espouses just enough woo-woo philosophy to make you fear: Is Dud in a cult?

Nonetheless, for all the talk about this six-foot surfer boy with Hollywood lineage in the starring role, it’s because Russell so intrinsically telegraphs a glass-half-full kind of gumption that the tonal gymnastics of the show sticks the landing. More, that it still feels at home on AMC, a network that has pretty much defined its brand in dark, disturbing drama: Mad Men, Breaking Bad, or The Walking Dead.

Ever exuberant, Russell sees a throughline.

“Everybody starts from an honest place of who they are: Don Draper, Walter White, and Dud,” he says. “It may be easier to utilize a character who has darkness in them because you can find a lot of interesting qualities in those people. It’s harder to find the interesting qualities in optimism, because it’s not something that we necessarily gravitate towards in our everyday lives, especially in our 24/7 news cycle where, constantly, what grabs our attention is negativity.”

So bless Dud’s gumption. And, really, Russell’s, too.

This isn’t a profile about the little boy who grew up on a movie set, and whose scrapbook of school-play star turns hinted that he’d one day follow his parents’ footsteps all the way to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In fact, he tells me, despite his family’s careers, Russell only recently “after many years of thinking it wasn’t,” began to think of acting as “a fantastic way to make a living.”

He lived in Santa Monica until he was 15 before moving to Vancouver to play hockey, at the advice of coaches who saw Russell’s potential. Kurt and Goldie moved with him. (The reasons that Russell emerged a well-adjusted Hollywood kid should be apparent.) Cute side story: Kurt Russell once told The New York Times that he took the role as coach of the heroic 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team in Disney’s Miracle in homage to Wyatt’s passion.

After two years of playing college hockey at the University of Alabama in Huntsville, he headed to Europe to go pro, first in Germany and then in the Netherlands. His stories from that time are about as wild as you’d expect from a guy in his twenties touring tertiary European cities with busloads of hockey players. “ I lived with a heroin addict named Harm," he told The Ringer last year. “That was the life experience, watching somebody shoot up heroin while you’re eating potatoes he made."

A series of groin injuries and a broken hip, exacerbated by cramped bus rides and the general body wear-and-tear accrued by a goalie, brought an early end to his hockey career. It dropped Russell smack-dab in the throes of a mid-life crisis a good 20 to 30 years before most men find themselves at a similar crossroads: “Alright. What now?”

While recuperating from his injuries in Groningen, Netherlands, he binged movies. Maybe, he thought, he’d direct. He had acted in one film before throwing himself into hockey—a scene in his father’s film Escape from L.A. when he was 10—and, more than a decade later, still remembered that he didn’t like being in front of the camera.

“I liked playing hockey and being a goalie because it was numbers related,” he says. “You’re either the best or you’re not. It’s numbers. You have the best goals-against average and save the most pucks and win the most games, or you don’t. It’s not subjective. So going into this world, I didn’t like the subjectivity of it because it meant that other people were going to put what they thought about you onto you.”

Consider his decision to try his hand at auditioning, then, a whim—albeit the most epic of whims, one perhaps buoyed by his family’s pedigree. His first audition was for a role in Captain America: The First Avenger. He didn’t get that one, but he started getting others. There was Law & Order: L.A., Cowboys & Aliens, and his first big breakout, a part in 22 Jump Street.

Early on, though, there was a pattern. In 2010’s High School, he played “Drug PSA Stoned Teenager.” In This Is 40 he was “Flirty Hockey Player.” As his roles expanded, the “type” he was cast as didn’t necessarily follow suit, whether it’s a spaced-out pitcher in Richard Linklater’s Everybody Wants Some!! or a backpacker roped into a video-game horror show in an episode of Black Mirror. Lodge 49, too, sees Russell working in that mold again.

But take a closer look at those projects he’s been cast in, and what’s impressive is not so much that he’s been routinely cast as a surfer-stoner-laid-back-bro, but that each time he has, it has been in wildly diferent genres.

In the last year, he’s starred in Blaze, a biopic of country musician directed by Ethan Hawke, finished work on Overlord, a World War II/sci-fi hybrid produced by J.J. Abrams, and was cast in The Woman in the Window, a thriller adapted by Tracy Letts, directed by Joe Wright, and starring Amy Adams. Then there’s Lodge 49, a prestige cable drama that escapes tonal definition.

“It’s been 7 or 8 years since I started doing it,” Russell says, of acting. “For the first time now I probably just last year felt like I might be able to do certain things.”

He remembers getting cast in High School as a hippie-like stoner because he knew how to play guitar.

“From that, you gain confidence to say, ‘Well, I did that, I can do a different version of it,’” he says. “I found myself always trying to find the different version of the guy you had done before. Because that’s the way it works. Somebody sees you in something that they like you in, and they go, ‘Oh he would be great in this.’ It’s up to the actor to give it dimension. Inside the dimension you give it, sometimes somebody else sees an aspect of that dimension and says, ‘I bet you they could do that.’”

In the early episodes of Lodge 49, there are distinct themes that emerge. Russell’s favorite is the way that the show honors the blue-collar population of Long Beach: the plumbers, pool servicemen, and trade workers who give the area life. More, it shows that the emotional weight stressing a family business can be as important, and as volatile, as the finances.

The character of Dud doesn’t just miss his father, he misses the normalcy that the family business—pool cleaning—provided. Russell’s own family business operates from an obvious extreme in relation to Dud’s, but he understands, especially in these last few years, the comfort that comes from normality.

Yes, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn’s actor son can refer to the family business as normal.

“It did seem normal to me because they never made what they did abnormal,” he says. “They never made themselves abnormal. They never looked at themselves like, ‘I’m special because I do this.’”

“The normalcy of who we are came from the core values of who my parents were when they grew up and transferred it into their parenting styles for the way we are. It’s definitely not a normal thing, to do this. People can get caught up in it. It’s hard not to sometimes.”

When we talk, Russell is wrapping up a week that had him travel back and forth between Los Angeles and New York four times. He’s engaged to Search Party scene-stealer Meredith Hagner, whom he met while shooting the indie Folk Hero & Funny Guy. And he’s promoting his first leading role, an achievement some might rule destiny given who his parents are, but that others might rule unlikely, given the unique story of the actor who sits before me. An actor who still can’t help comparing things to hockey.

“There’s almost nothing else that’s truly numbers-related,” he says. “That game was. That’s what special about sports in a way. It’s an equalizer. This is not that. I didn’t think about ‘I’m going to be a leading man,’ because I just wanted to do something that made me as happy as hockey did.”

Now, he’s doing it.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/meet-wyatt-russell-hollywoods-most-and-least-likely-leading-man/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/01/02/meet-wyatt-russell-hollywoods-most-and-least-likely-leading-man/

0 notes

adambstingus · 6 years ago

Text

Meet Wyatt Russell, Hollywoods Most and Least Likely Leading Man

Wyatt Russell walks into a room and it’s almost too easy to make assumptions about him. Luckily, he upends nearly all of them.

It’s perhaps fitting, then, that Russell’s debut as a leading man is in a TV series as unconventional as Lodge 49. As Russell tells it, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Ever exuberant, Russell sees a throughline.

So bless Dud’s gumption. And, really, Russell’s, too.

After two years of playing college hockey at the University of Alabama in Huntsville, he headed to Europe to go pro, first in Germany and then in the Netherlands. His stories from that time are about as wild as you’d expect from a guy in his twenties touring tertiary European cities with busloads of hockey players. “ I lived with a heroin addict named Harm,“ he told The Ringer last year. “That was the life experience, watching somebody shoot up heroin while you’re eating potatoes he made.”

“It’s been 7 or 8 years since I started doing it,” Russell says, of acting. “For the first time now I probably just last year felt like I might be able to do certain things.”

He remembers getting cast in High School as a hippie-like stoner because he knew how to play guitar.

Yes, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn’s actor son can refer to the family business as normal.

Now, he’s doing it.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/meet-wyatt-russell-hollywoods-most-and-least-likely-leading-man/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181638817272

0 notes

allofbeercom · 6 years ago

Text

Meet Wyatt Russell, Hollywoods Most and Least Likely Leading Man

Wyatt Russell walks into a room and it’s almost too easy to make assumptions about him. Luckily, he upends nearly all of them.

It’s perhaps fitting, then, that Russell’s debut as a leading man is in a TV series as unconventional as Lodge 49. As Russell tells it, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Ever exuberant, Russell sees a throughline.

So bless Dud’s gumption. And, really, Russell’s, too.

“It’s been 7 or 8 years since I started doing it,” Russell says, of acting. “For the first time now I probably just last year felt like I might be able to do certain things.”

He remembers getting cast in High School as a hippie-like stoner because he knew how to play guitar.

Yes, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn’s actor son can refer to the family business as normal.

Now, he’s doing it.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/meet-wyatt-russell-hollywoods-most-and-least-likely-leading-man/

0 notes

fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Every Moustache Style Known To Man, Ranked In Order Of Acceptability

http://fashion-trendin.com/every-moustache-style-known-to-man-ranked-in-order-of-acceptability/

Every Moustache Style Known To Man, Ranked In Order Of Acceptability

But with such a high profile role celebrating the elaborate nose-warmer, are we due to see a renaissance in top-lip grooming this season? With the hipster beard possibly reaching the end of its lifecycle, this could be the next follicular frontier. But if we’re going to reclaim the muzzy from 1980s footballers, Latin American dictators and retired Northern Irish paramilitaries, which moustache style should you be going for? Well, in descending order…

The Chevron

The closest to a naturally grown-out shape, the Chevron is a deceptively tricky style to pull off unless your name is Tom Selleck or Ron Swanson. It can balance out big facial features and conveys a certain old-school, ‘eighties dad’, anti-fashion power but you need a decent thickness of hair and growth to avoid looking like a schoolboy who’s trying to buy a pint.

It works best as part of a generally macho look, so try and put some gym-bulk on before growing this, and perhaps pair it with a heavy, unreconstructed scent for maximum alpha-male impact.

Key Styles

The Beardstache

The least showy, but the most easily executed of these styles – a classic workmanlike moustache, paired with a lightly developing beard. A look that suggests you did have a well kept Chevron, but a week or so of fighting crime, defending your property and generally being rugged has let it slip a little. Less eye-catching than a clean-shaven face as there’s a reduced contrast in the skin-and-hair tones, but you do need a decently even stubble growth to make this work.

This moustache style suits dark colouring better as lighter hair can make you look a just scruffy rather than ‘relaxed.’ This is Henry Cavill’s moustache in Mission: Impossible so expect to see it appearing on your high street imminently (albeit on men who don’t look quite as heroic as Cavill).

Key Styles

The Pencil

The pencil was originally conceived as an elegant, minimalist reaction to the overbearing facial hair of the Victorians. Popularised by Hollywood idols, it only later became shorthand for the more furtive gentleman – and to this day, it does conjure up images of chaps conning lonely widows out of their savings or selling hooky nylons to London’s women during World War II.

This isn’t to say it can’t be revived in a modern context though (take a bow, Jamie Foxx), but be warned that it will require almost daily shaving to maintain its clean lines. If you’ve got small features, it can work well. However, if paired with a scruffier look or long hair, there’s a real risk of getting into ‘amateur sorcerer’ territory (Jack White is a prime offender).

Key Styles

The Horseshoe

An extremely strong personal statement. Associated with Hulk Hogan, Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction, 80s leather ‘clones’ like the guy from the Village People, and amphetamine-addled bass-wielding metal god Lemmy from Motorhead, this is an absolutely no-half-measures moustache style.

Not advised for anyone with a long narrow face as it will give you a certain equine aspect, and it needs to be considered as part of a complete outfit: it will go perfectly with head-to-toe biker leathers or broken-in double denim. Not such a good fit with something you picked up in TK Maxx to wear to the football.

Key Styles

The Handlebar

A tricky case to call: on its own merits, a fine moustache style that demonstrates real commitment to growth, grooming and upkeep. But it has unquestionably suffered from association with retro-bores who have tainted it with the whiff of ‘Keep Calm And Carry On’ posters, ear-bleeding, irony-laden electro-swing music and Blitz-revival club nights.

It’s adaptable to most face shapes, so if you are going to try out the Handlebar, either contrast it with a simple workwear-inspired outfit, or go for something smart, preppy and Ivy League (or, like it’s most famous exponent, Rollie Fingers, a baseball kit). In short, if your moustache is shouting for attention, then your outfit shouldn’t be.

Key Styles

The Walrus

The absolute big daddy of facefuzz, best exemplified by actor Sam Elliott. A shaggy, grown out, big-beast, perfect for the larger gentleman, anyone with a huge nose or a wide face. It can make you look prematurely old, so think carefully about committing to this style. Be prepared for some gentle ribbing from your less fashion-forward peers, along the lines of ‘Careful you don’t get harpooned you big fat bastard’.

Also, check that your significant other isn’t going to dump you rather than be seen with someone who looks like they spend a lot of their free time playing Magic: The Gathering and watching The Discovery Channel.

Key Styles

The Anchor Beard

Perhaps the worst facial hair style ever devised – and one that even the patron saint of male grooming, David Beckham, has fallen victim to – a combination of a pointed beard that traces the jawline and peaks in a sort of below-lip soul-patch, sitting below a disembodied moustache.

A statement which hints at long hours arguing on Youtube comment threads about Pick-Up Artistry, in-depth re-watchings of The Matrix, and ownership of at least one sword (or ‘mastery of the blade’ as this kind of helmet would doubtless term it).

Key Styles

0 notes

dreadfuldetour-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Planes are for Wimps

Upon discovering that I needed a co-op after my second year of College, I set out to find a business that would take me in for the summer. The year before, I had my co-op at a small hotel in the town of 1000 people that I was living in at the time. My boss had been a critical middle aged woman who always threatened me with dismissal (though never followed through. Probably because of the grant she was getting by having me there). She did not like most of the younger employees, calling us lazy and constantly belittling us in front of both customers and other employees. I was the only remaining student by the end of the summer, and that was mostly due to the fact that the other women in the office were very supportive and helped steer her away from me whenever possible. It also helped that her most consistent customer, a French hockey salesman of some kind, loved me. Needless to say, I did not want a job like that again and I was desperate for something a little more interesting and not quite so miserable.

My roommates had been out west the summer before at their own co-op, and had loved it. They spent their time in the mountains, touring scenic routes and beautiful landscapes whilst making new friends and greeting all sorts of guests from all over the world. That sounded much more appealing to me than having the life sucked out of me by a terrible small town gig, so I applied to the hotel in the mountains. A few months later, I got the green light and my summer plans were in motion.

Now, if you know anything about post-secondary education, you know that it isn’t cheap and that OSAP is a bit of a pain in the backside (I have a whole other outrageous story about that). I was very very very broke when the end of the semester came around, and flying in Canada is nowhere near cheap. I sifted through my options and found the bus to be the cheapest. As a poor college student, it was my only option if I was going to get to this job by the end of May. My roommates, soon co-workers, would join me on the bus ride from North Bay all the way to Calgary, and from there all the way down to where the resort was located in southern Alberta. We never expected it to be great, but we could not gage just how incredibly nuts it was going to be. Welcome to travelling with me; it’s always going to be a little bit nuts.

It was 4am, and my father drove me to the station where Barbie and Red (using nicknames here) were already waiting (Note: I should mention that they are a couple and thus sit together). We hopped on the bus and trekked to Sudbury, picking up a few people along the way but the bus was mostly deserted until we hit the ‘city’ again (‘city’ is a bit of a stretch in the north).

In Sudbury, we picked up a few characters, but the best one was an elderly gentleman dressed EXACTLY like Einstein. Like, I cannot fully relay to you how much work this man put into his outfit. Even the HAIR was perfect! It was surreal, and kind of odd, but that’s what you get when you take the bus.

This is where things get a little stupid. Northern Ontario does not tend to have great roads, much less roads fit for mass transit. As we crept through the wild forests and beautiful waterfalls heading towards Sault Ste.Marie, we were stopped along a road because of flooding, and had to take a detour. We drove an extra three hours, only to be stopped again because of flooding, and sent BACK to where we had originally been detoured. Apparently, communication is lacking within Greyhound buses (more on that later).

After more detours and more hours wasted on the road, we ended up in Sault Ste. Marie, and then onward to Thunder Bay. We were so late that Greyhound was putting all of us on the NEXT bus, which meant we had to wait even longer (3-4 hours). None of us were pleased, but we didn’t have the energy nor manpower to fight the decision. Twenty something of us passed out in the station, finally able to stretch out and lay flat. Some of us freshened up in the bathrooms, wiping ourselves down with paper towels. The sandwich shop owner took pity on us after our arrival, and gave out some free sandwiches (bless that man) but it did little to alleviate our misery.

So, hours pass and the next bus comes in, and some of us breathe a sigh of relief at the sight. Lo and behold however: THE BUS HAS NO ROOM ON IT FOR US. We were furious, some of us yelling out “You didn’t hire anyone to COUNT the number of seats available?!” and I didn’t think they were wrong. The second bus picked up a few passengers, and a new bus was put into motion for us, but not until it was cleaned.

Off on our trip again, we strode west, thankful that this new bus had Wi-Fi and outlets for those who were entertainment starved (unlike the rest of us who brought books). I popped another Gravol and prepped for our journey into Manitoba, which I was excited to see. I had never been west before, so this was a whole new experience for me.

The crossing into Manitoba was lackluster at best, and I remember seeing a lot of rocks and pine trees, which was most of northern Ontario. I went back to sleep and awaited the long anticipated Prairies.

Let me take a moment to explain how excited I was to finally see the famed landscape that I had heard so much about. I always like seeing new things and especially new landscapes. I grew up in northern Ontario where everything is just trees and rocks and, for a huge chunk of the year, a ton of snow. I had, at this point, seen most of the eastern states, all the way down to Texas (which I recommend) and I had been to Italy (which I also recommend). I had seen quite a few things, but I wanted so desperately to see more of my country. Being able to move across it was something I had looked forward to, even if it had meant sitting on the bus for a while. Needless to say, I was regretting that decision quite a bit at this point in the story, but I was still excited for the Prairies regardless.

It was a wide expanse of endless blue and yellow, stretching shamelessly across my window for as far as the eye could see. Rare trees passed by my view of wheat and skies and I was thrilled with it-

- For about TEN minutes.

It was the sameness that drove me insane. Blue and yellow, blue and yellow, blue and yellow for HOURS. At least when night fell it changed.

Winnipeg was where we became better acquainted with our bus-mates who had been through most of the same crap we had. There were two middle aged French-men who had bonded instantly upon speaking. One seemed like a kindly suburb kind of guy, very chill, very relaxed. The other was a fashion designer from Montreal who was very enthusiastic about mostly everything. There was a woman who had come aboard somewhere around Sault Ste. Marie who constantly read Dr. Who magazines and generally kept to herself. These were our bros.

We ended up staying in the Winnipeg airport for a few hours, and Barbie decided to go on a hunt for a pillow. He didn’t want to pay for one, so he went hunting in the airline offices to see if they had any laying around from their flights. After telling them everything that had happened thus far, the people at the desk took pity on him and gave him a pillow, free of charge.

We ran into our bus-bros and Maurice (the enthusiastic French fashion man) was APPALLED that we had managed to find a pillow. He had been looking all over the airport shops for one, as he had not though to bring one either. Instead of going to the offices though, he had spent over fifty dollars in a claw machine trying to get as many plush animals as possible to serve as a makeshift pillow. He held up a bright blue bear with the words “it’s a boy” on the belly and offered it to Barbie for his pillow. There was no trade made, but it made for a funny moment. Maurice ended up naming all of his stuffed animals.

I’ll insert a little story here to help break up the Prairies. This story is about a man who was my first seat-mate who got on the bus in Winnipeg to get to Regina. Let’s call him Bruce.

Bruce was a construction worker in Saskatchewan. Before he had ended up with me on the bus, his boss had let his workers go early for their vacations, so Bruce took off to hang out with a friend in Winnipeg, which is about 6 hours away. His friend picked him up and off they went.

Along the way, his friend got excited, “Bruce! Let’s go bar hopping!” and Bruce was game.

They picked their way along the route, stopping at as many dives as possible, and getting rigorously drunk (NOTE: DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE). At some point in the evening, the friend got excited again.

“Bruce, bro, there’s a SICK bar around here. It’s the BEST. Like, I can’t even bro.”

So they started driving. And driving. And driving. And driving.

Bruce was sobering up a bit and noticed that they were driving on a grass road, “Bro, where are we?”

“We’re almost there.”

“We’re driving on grass. What kind of bar are we going to on a grass road???”

Eventually, the friend realized that he may have miscalculated the location of this famed bar, so they pulled over and tried to figure it out on a map. Being kind of drunk and kind of hungover, they ended up falling asleep instead.

Bruce woke up with a massive hangover. He also woke up in a field. His friend was gone.

After a few frantic phone calls, he finally got a hold of another friend in Winnipeg and managed to get picked up. Then, his boss called him: he needed him back ASAP.

That’s about the time that I met him. He was nice, and clearly had better stories than I could ever dream of. Anyways, back on track.

We get to Regina (best description of the city that I can give you is: flat, flat, flat, suddenly CITY) and there’s a bit of a wait. I say goodbye to Bruce, who rewarded me for my listening with the location of the nearest Tim Hortons (bless you Bruce). We waited around, drinking coffee and hoping that we didn’t smell (we probably did. Same clothes the whole trip). We got back on the bus, re-grouping with our bus-bros.

I ended up sitting with a little old French woman who was heading to Calgary. She was sweet and we spoke a little, but ended up listening to the disaster that was going on directly behind us. The bus was packed full of people now, having picked up quite a few new passengers in Regina. One of them was a woman who was NOT having a good day. She had, apparently, been kicked out of her home by her daughters for doing too many drugs (can neither confirm nor deny this claim, but she eventually confessed to doing some cocaine, but not a lot. This story changed every time she told it, which was quite a few times).

She was sitting with Maurice, who I had found to be a very nice man, if a bit eccentric. He had listened and been patient with this woman for a good chunk of the trip, until she asked him about his trip and where he was going. He told her he was going to see his sister in Calgary.

For some reason, this woman decided that she was going to straight up insult Maurice’s sister. I recall making eye contact with the little old French woman that I was sitting with, and we both had an “Uh oh” moment, which was followed by more of those moments after Maurice reacted to it.

He was not happy, which is putting it mildly. So, for the last few hours of the trip, I got to listen to him scorn this woman. While it did add a touch of drama, it was a bit tense.

At long last, we reached our destination: Calgary. I have never wanted a shower so badly in my entire life. We said our farewells to our bus-mates, knowing that we would probably never see them again.

There’s a happy ending here, and it isn’t that we got to southern Alberta. It’s better.

After 62 hours on a bus, I showered.

0 notes