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yorsgirl · 1 year ago

Note

Yan!Heian!Sukuna and with Y/N?

Lately, whenever Darling got pregnant she ended up having countless miscarriages, the longest lasting at least 3 months, Sukuna began to suspect these countless coincidences.

He doesn't care about these losses since he didn't want to share Y/N with some brat, but he found it very strange that every time she got pregnant resulted in a miscarriage, so he started investigating and finally found out why this was happening.

He discovered that Y/N was causing her own miscarriages, as she knew that the last thing the world needed was Sukuna's descendants, so he finally confronts her but with that damn psychological terror that he loves to do to her.

Oh my, I love love love this idea!!

I kinda went out on this one, but I hope I did justice to what you were aiming at. Hope you like it :) Also I am sorry for being so late

Playing God

Yandere!Ryomen Sukuna x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: It was a gamble, he was willing to make. To keep you with him, forever, as he wanted. Needed. You had to realize that no other heaven except his arms would be comforting. Even if that meant, breaking your very soul.

Tropes: Dark Romance, horror, angst

Warnings: Implied nsfw(forced), mentions of pregnancy, miscarriage, abduction, cannibalism and isolation. Trauma, mild stockholm syndrome, yandere themes, minor character death(s), gore, gaslighting, manipulation, misogyny, blood, degradation(non-kinky), patriarchal society, unhealthy relationship, implied child birth.

General warnings: Yandere!True form!Husband!Sukuna, Wife!Reader, Heian Era, both Sukuna and reader are a red flag on their own, usage of nicknames, no mentions of y/n.

Word Count: 9.7k

You were digging your own grave.

So you shouldn't have been surprised that your wish would be granted. Yet, if you could have one wish then you'd wish for freedom but no- freedom was a forfeited dream, far beyond your reach. Consideration of that one would never be fruitful. You are trapped even in your dreams.

Playing with fire only gets you burnt.

For long, you played this game and this- this was your compensation. For everything you had done until now, all you are returned with was abandonment. Not that supposedly, betrayal, yes. More appropriate.

Flames surrounded you, crawling up your skin, the screams piercing your ears, your chest heaved up and down. Gaze, once settled on your hearth, now all you saw was the burning hut, the crackling of embers reached your ears. Attire and hands stained with blood of the insolent. The warning shouldn't have been taken lightly. Should have known, the extent of his power.

Eyes held terror, fright, regret- whatever you could name. The multitude of names you received seemed no more than a distant dream, nowhere to be found. All were running away - expectable.

You expected calamity, but you were calm.

Everything went down in flames. Save for you, you weren't burning. Not an spark touched your skin. Was it the distance or the control? Who knows. But one confirmation which you held was that tonight you won't die. Not so soon either.

Careful, not all Gods are worshipped.

The words rang in your ears and as if on cue, you found him again.

In this reverie of madness, he held your sight when you attempted to turn - the eyes tinted with crimson.

"I am sorry for your loss, m'lady."

You had seen it all.

You had your fair share of encounters, received news and such. Women losing their mind and sanity after delivered with a news this devastating. Notably, no woman would feel any bliss after knowing that they had lost their child. Lost the chance of motherhood before experiencing it. Violent outbursts was the most probable outcome.

"This is a hard time," The midwife spoke softly. "Yet, you shouldn't neglect your health."

You perceived the softness to be fear. She must have had dealt with situations like these, most of them traumatizing as you assumed. Perhaps, she expected the same from you too.

You tore your gaze off her, leaning back on your bedframe, "I'd like to be left alone."

Your declaration was answered with compliance. Offering a humble bow, she bid you farewell, walking out of your chambers. Once her footsteps seized, you finally let your guard down. Breathing out a sigh of relief, you laid back down on your bed.

"Good riddance," You muttered to yourself. Moments of such vulnerability wasn't rare, considering you were served with loneliness, lately. Save for the times you spent in the presence of Sukuna. His decree, one might say. Your attention shouldn't be wasted on anyone but him. You scoffed recalling his words. Involuntarily, you stroked your belly, the corner of your lip curled up.

Once a house to life, given by your husband; now lay vacant from your doing.

A twisted sense of pride swelled up in your chest, a wide grin stretching on your face. You were successful in your quest, again. Mercilessly, you uprooted the seed of your husband's lineage.

Perhaps, you've truly gone sick.

Yet, this revolt of feelings were miles lesser than the repugnant you encountered when you realized your first pregnancy. You were on the brink of clawing out the creature growing in your womb. You'd have torn it apart with while revelling in the joy of watching its blood drip down on the face of Earth. If not for Sukuna's presence in the room, you might've gone through it.

You lost a fragment of yourself, that day.

Throwing up countless times, dizziness, nausea, even losing your consciousness while walking down. No, they weren't pregnancy side effects. More so, the outcome of the stress accumulating in you.

Sickening. His kin you'd have cradled in your body. To be born and grow up into a revolting, merciless creature like his father. To take up place in your womb, your flesh and blood and combining with his – a living proof of your plight. Disgusting.

Never. You'd never let that happen.

You'd never succumb to such monstrosity.

You had already given up your freedom, your dignity, your alight life to Sukuna in exchange of the lives you held dear. The lives back in your ancestral village, home to your kin.

You were affirmed. An heir of Ryomen Sukuna would never be birthed from you.

Speak of the devil, he appears.

An overwhelming familiar aura surrounded your very being, the doors to your chamber slid open, your captor, your husband strolled inside. Even his mere presence held the malevolence in him. You attempted to rise from your position at his arrival.

"Sit." He commanded.

You silently obeyed his order, keeping your gaze settled on your lap, the energy had your stomach churning with trepidation; at times when you didn't do anything either. And this time, you were guilty. Two moments passed in silence until he spoke.

"I heard from the midwife."

You took in a sharp breath, swallowing a lump in your throat. It was the same ordeal, like the first two times. Yet, you were a tad bit calm since the previous encounters. Probably, due to the fact you were getting used to this role. In this past moons, you had developed into the wife, he was carving you out to be. Giving him just the reactions he wanted, for that saved you a lot of anguish and pain. Even if it came at the price of your self-respect. This was the only way.

With your head hung low, you spoke, "Forgive me, my lord. I am incapable of bearing you an heir. I-It must have been my fau-"

"Not another word."

You instantly stiffened up, his deep voice causing chills to run down your spine. Did you make an error? Was he aware of your tumultuous acts? Was the play not convincing enough?

He held your chin, forcing you to look up at him. All of his four, red eyes bore into you. You bit on your inner cheek, blood coursing in your veins - steadfast.

They say, your fear start to vanish once you've remained in the source of their vicinity too long. That statement is false. For even after staying with your captor for almost two years, you still held your fear.

"The one at fault bore consequences."

That's when you were hit with the faint stench of blood from him. Another one perished. You took the wild guess of it being the midwife. However, instead of amplifying fright, it was lessened. You wouldn't be on the receiving end of his wrath.

"You aren't at fault, wife."

Oh, but you were.

Sukuna held your gaze, cupping your cheek; the rough pad of his thumb trailed a line on your skin. His tone and grip were surprisingly gentle. "There's no need to apologize."

The corners of your eyes crinkled down, you lean into his touch. You assume, it's a good move as you noted the flicker of emotion in his eyes. "It's the third time, my lord. Perhaps, I bear some shortcomings."

"What nonsense," He rolled his eyes. "There's none, not in my eyes. Don't fill your head with such fickle thoughts." He paused for a moment before continuing, "Is that understood?"

He wasn't one for affirmations but maybe- just maybe it was his attempt at comfort, you supposed. The previous losses must had him learning, the threads of condolence. Still, for you, they'd never mean anything less than empty words. The last thing you wanted was to be comforted by your tormentor. You'd rather step into hell willingly.

But you were living under his wing. You have to play according to his whims. You nodded. "Yes, my lord."

His hand left your face, dropping to his thigh. He looked at you, as if sizing you up. You had to keep yourself from making any unnecessary movements. Sukuna wanted you composed, whatever the situation. (Except the times when he bedded you, you were allowed to scream, cry and thrash around then. Cause you were trapped under his immense strength, struggles were futile).

After a while, he asked, "Any wishes?"

You chewed on your bottom lip, eyes flickering down then back to him. You let out a breath, before continuing. "May I visit the shrine... this evening?"

Silence.

You were contemplating whether you had offended him, somehow. Previously, he did allow for your little trips, you wondered if his patience was running thin cause of your repeated incapability of bearing him an heir. Maybe, you ran out of luck.

You were about to mutter an apology but then a smug grin spread across his lips, "Why so?" He asked.

"To-" You swallowed a lump, preparing to answer the practiced dialogue. "To offer prayers for–"

"Why grieve for someone who didn't even take form?" He cut you up, raising an eyebrow. For a tad moment, he sounded curious. It broke into a cruel chuckle, "You humans would make a funeral out of anything, yes?"

If you held an ounce of sympathy then you wouldn't question.

You wanted to say but you knew better. Besides, you still have to keep up the act of being his loyal wife. Heaving a out a deep breath, you replied, "I suppose." You paused, running the tip of your tongue over your lip.

"I'd pray that I can bear you an heir the next time, my lord."

Nay, more so: I'd pray that you receive your end soon, my lord.

Sukuna watched you. No, not look. He watched, like a predator. Then, his lips cracked into a sinister grin. "You've a way with your words, wife."

It caught you off guard. You raised an eyebrow, attempting to voice out your confusion. "What do-"

"I will accompany you."

"Sukuna sama, the herbalist you asked for, has arrived."

Sukuna spared a glance at Uraume, who knelt by his feet.

"Bring him."

As on cue, they rose up from their stance, pivoting around towards the door. It parted, two curses had a man in their grasp as he struggled to break free. His eyes widening with terror when it fell on the King, sitting atop his throne.

The man was pushed down to his knees, face meeting the floor in a loud slam. His scuffles were in vain against such power, he knew that. Still, in a situation of life and death, rationality takes it's leave.

Sukuna clicked his tongue in annoyance. All he wanted was some herbalist to answer the flurry of questions in his which had him restless for the past few days. Did this scum think he'd be killed? Maybe he would be, if he deems it necessary or he proves to be useless.

What had him restless was your miscarriages. Counting the most recent would make it a fourth. Where did he go wrong? You were kept in utmost luxury, no toils whatsoever. Still, what was wrong?

—》《—

"Perhaps, there's some faults in her highness."

"Keep your voice down, Mira. Someone may hear you."

"I am a lot quite... but tell me, don't you find it strange? How come she has lost all of her children?"

"I- I suppose. Perhaps, motherhood is not written in her fate."

"Or so, she's simply incapable."

—》《—

Safe to say, those were the last words they uttered before they were turned into a mash of flesh and blood.

Sliced into pieces that even trying to make a proper corpse out of the remnants weren't possible.

At times, Sukuna wished he held the power to bring back someone to life. Then maybe, he'd have given those servants a death, more worthy. Maybe, ripping out their limbs, piece by piece. First the bones would break, ripped from the ligaments, then it'd be the muscles; that was easy to just tear out. And after that happened, he could have just sewn up the blobs of flesh again and repeat the process until they learn their lesson or the life leaves them again.

He deduced the latter would be more probable. Still, it would be fine. They deserved that.

Speaking ill of you in his palace, in his vicinity, in his world was prohibited. A sin, in the words of humans. And a sin never goes unpunished.

You - his consort, his queen, you were heavenly. There isn't a fault in you, it's some external factor, must be. But he can't let go of his growing suspicion either.

Sukuna detested children, it was a known fact. Always ending their lives first, whenever he set foot in a village. They were of no use to him, unless they were served to him on his platter. He couldn't deny, their flesh was flavourful.

Even though, he held great disdain for them, he couldn't help but desire a kinship with you. With the price of letting go of your undivided attention? Hmm, doesn't sound too great. He assumed, he can hire a wet nurse just in case. Still, he desired to see you round with his child, feet swollen as you struggled to walk around. You do not have to worry, he, your husband would joyfully oblige in carrying you in his arms. You were more than perfect, he couldn't even imagine just how beautiful you'll look, during and after carrying your child.

It was destined. You'd extend his lineage or no one else.

You were flawless then why were you causing such errors? Contradicting. It was his question until he started to take a note in your behaviour, and he found–

Sukuna stood up from his throne, walking down the steps of bones, presumably of the ones he killed. They act as a pretty show piece, according to him.

The court resonated with his footsteps, each one carrying a promise of death. The man's struggles seized once he was harshly pulled up by his hair, his eyes met with Sukuna's.

"Yo-your high–ness," The man fumbled with his words, a spine chilling sensation going down his frame.

"Time's wasting," Sukuna said, his glare pointed. The fury evident, though his exterior was calm. "Comply if you don't wish death."

The man nodded frequently, his fingertips trembled with anticipation and horror. "Ye-yes, your highness. It's an honour to s-serve you." The man fell to his feet as he was dropped. Sukuna dismissed the extra company with a wave of his hand.

"Rise," He declared.

The man still on his knees, raises his head. "What can I- I do for you, your highness?"

—》《—

"May I make a request, my lord?"

Sukuna's eyes flickered to you, yours not meeting his. Knelt before him, you gracefully poured the sake in his ochoko.

"Speak."

He marked the squinting in your irises, fingertips trembled when you put the vessel down. Your shoulders rose and fell before you gazed at him, reluctantly. He couldn't help but find your antics inhumanely amusing.

"Would you be kind enough... to bring me this-" You paused for a fleeting moment. "This herb called... aloe vera?"

—》《—

"Aloe vera," Sukuna tilted his head aside, the upper pair of arms crossed over his chest. "What use does it have?"

"We-well, my lord it's used for heal-healing purposes, burns, cuts, rashes... it heals injuries, yes." He answered, taking a gulp. There was other uses too yet his head was alike a blank canvas, before such a formidable strength. He wasn't even aware if it was satisfactory or why the King of Curses needed to know about such a measly plant. But if it meant he could see the sun for another day then he'll just give whatever he could offer. "I-It can also be used to– to make me-medicated food. N-not a delicacy... I might add."

Sukuna raised an eyebrow, "That's it?"

"N-no, my lord. There- it can cure diges-"

"In pregnancy."

The man stiffened, his mouth parting a tad bit. A whisper leaving his lips, "Yo-your highness...?"

Pregnancy, menstruation, considered taboo. A matter regarding women, spoken in the inner chambers, the men should remain ignorant. A topic whispered in ears not spoken aloud in any hall, let alone the royal court. Certainly, Sukuna was aware of this societal construct, yet he didn't care. The society and its idiotic rules could go to hell. He just needed answers.

"Speak," Sukuna's voice was louder, deeper when the man before him fidgeted in his spot due to discomfort - on speaking such a topic.

"It-Its a... your highness, I d-don't think you-"

"Insolent bastard," His fumbling was interrupted by Sukuna. The warning evident in his profanity. His face grew darker, the four irises glowing with impending danger akin Satan himself. "If you so much as want to live, fucking speak."

The man's blood ran cold as on cue, face turning a shade paler as if winter had started to pool in. Tears prickled the corners of his eyes, "Forgive me, your highness! I will speak, I will- yes- aloe vera its-" He heaved out a deep breath, an attempt to slow down his beating heart. "Any fo-form of it is ill-suited during pregnancy... it can cause... cause pe-pelvic haemorrhage leading to... to misc-"

"Miscarriage?"

"Yes, miscarriage... can lead to miscarriage, your highness."

A profound silence prevailed. Not a soul spoke neither was a footstep heard. Not a leaf rustled or the howling winds tapped on the window pane - assumed, mother nature had halted its elements from making any noise.

The stakes were high yet an flicker of courage alighted in the man as he raised his head up to glance at Sukuna, "My lor-"

The man's head tumbled down before he could even complete.

He couldn't scream, he couldn't beg, he couldn't apologize, he couldn't even blink. All he could do was watch. Watch as his beheaded body fell limp before his eyes. Watch as the blood poured out like waterfalls staining the carpet with its hues. The red marred bones protruded out amidst the flesh, globs of blood was gushing out of his severed voice box. His body jerked, the remnants of conscious nerves trying to survive.

It was a neat cut. A heavenly sight.

The world started to blur in. And before he knew it, the light was gone from his eyes.

Sukuna didn't even spare a glance as he marched out of his court.

Uraume approached the body, a few maids accompanying them. They casted a disapproving glare at the corpse.

"Not edible, dispose of it."

You didn't see or hear from Sukuna for a week.

He didn't visit your chambers at night neither was he present when you sat down for your meals. Even his energy was alike a hushed whisper which would remind you of his presence in the residence, but not reveal himself to you. For some reason, it had you in an unease.

No, you certainly did not miss his presence. But his absence just made the surroundings almost suffocating. There was the looming threat that something had happened or something were to happen. One worse than the other.

Silence was never uneventful.

Insinuating the courage, you had once inquired Uraume about his absence. Presenting a polite bow, they answered, "Sukuna sama doesn't want to be disturbed."

Disturbed... as if he wasn't the cause of all disturbances. A natural disaster in himself. You resisted the urge to scoff and uttered a meek line of gratitude before going about your day. (That extended with you strolling down the halls or garden or just be in your chambers and read the few books Sukuna had bought you).

On the very same day the dark commenced. While you were mesmerized by the fall of twilight over the garden, you heard his voice.

"Don't you love playing with poison, wife?"

The sudden question made you halt your steps, you weren't even aware that he was present–shielded his aura, presumably. You turned around, raising an eyebrow with bewilderment.

"Pardon, my lord?"

Sukuna snorted, walking up to you, a smirk played on his lips. You had to make the effort of tilting your head to gaze up at him. His towering figure loomed over you, his lower left hand snaking around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

"You love poisons, don't you? Or in your words herbs."

Your shoulders grew rigid, eyes widening with realization, a sharp breath hitting your throat. Your fingertips trembled with anticipation. You were sure to be discreet in your affairs, using the isolation he subjected you to at its best. Yet he knew. It was bad. Very much so. And what were to happen now? What would he do to you?

Another night of horror where your screams would be unheard, your resistance proved to be futile, where you'd be left to suffer alone, where another shard of your remaining soul would be plunged by him. Another night where you'd again play into his whims... Or something more vile, leaving you physically disabled? Perhaps, even death...

The foremost was the most heinous one. You silently prayed that he wouldn't resort to that. If you were to be subjected to his torment then you wished he'd just kill you, liberating you for once and for all. Even so, survival is what the mind wants. Piecing through any tactic just to live another day. The play for now should be denial.

Sukuna's affections for you worked as a double edged sword. You aimed to take advantage of it, in every way possible. You instilled a bit of courage, standing your ground, you spoke "I don't understand what you're trying to instigate, my lord."

He looked down on you, a coy smile uplifting his lips. He threaded his fingers through the knot of your kimono, leaning down next to your ear, he inhaled your scent. His lips brushing over your neck.

"I do not believe so, wife." He murmured, his warm breath hitting your skin, a range of goosebumps rising over your arm. "In fact, I think you clearly know, what I speak about."

Before you could let a word out, he straightened up, turning around, he pushed you to walk with him. His large hand still covering your back.

"Come, let me entertain you."

You were walking to the gallows.

Not literally, but you were sure your end was near.

The wooden floors creaked with footfalls. Each step heavier than the previous. You hesitantly glimpsed at Sukuna, his gaze was far ahead. Not a word left his mouth in this while. Only his hold remained firm. He pushed you forward every moment your step faltered.

Your breath hitched when you turned a corner - the right wing. A rule, you could say. Sukuna made it clear since the day he held you captive brought you home – never step a foot in the right wing. Despair drowned your curiosity that time, you didn't question, least bothered to. Even later, you didn't dare to defy him; courtesy to the pain you were subjected to once.

Still, you could make the wild guess of what happened in there. The muffled screams kept you awake at midnight, it was easy to put the puzzle pieces together. There he revelled with the sick pleasure of tormenting your kind.

He stopped before a pair of oak doors. That's when he glanced at you, for the first time in a long while. For a moment, he stared at you with an emotion you couldn't decipher. The next moment, he pulled out the Kanzashi from your hair, letting your strands tousle down.

You flinched, pushing away the curls which clouded your vision. Sukuna held the pin in his hand, holding your gaze. He was unmoving.

What happened to him?

"My lord," You called. "What are you-"

"Stay quiet," He handed you the kanzashi back, adjusting your hand to hold it as if it were a dagger. Turning to the door, he spared you a glance. "Don't speak a word." With that, the doors opened.

Dark.

It was dark save for the light of the lantern which illuminated the room. He shoved you forward, the door locking behind as he stood aside you.

"One bite."

Huh? Bite? What did he mean? You slightly turned your head towards him but you were stopped in your tracks. It wasn't only you and Sukuna in this room, seems you had a guest. More appropriate word? A Captive.

Your eyes were wide open. On the corner of the room, sat a young boy, not more than a adolescent - blindfolded. Restrained by chains, his wrists and ankles were cuffed with metal. A small whimper left his lips as he registered the presence of both of you.

You were about to speak but then his words rang in your mind.

Don't speak a word.

Sukuna gripped your wrist, leading you to the boy, "One bite, in the arm."

He wasn't talking to you. To the boy, he kept his eyes. You marked how the boy flinched. The metals clanking on contact.

He turned to you then, motioning to the pin in your hand then the boy's arm. Realization hit you. You tried to shake your head, refuse; but one glare of his and you were compelled. Reluctantly, you turned around, trudging to the boy.

Something was wrong.

You could feel it. Why... why would he want you to stab this poor boy? A picture of misery, he was. You noted he didn't have any sign of bruises in his body - peculiar. Yet, his fragile state was enough to give you a hint that he had been here for days. Perhaps, starved too. The tension was high and all you wanted was to leave this room, in an instant.

Fine, if Sukuna wanted you to just stab the boy. You'd do it. Missing the vital points which could end his life. One, he said. You'll miss the point and done. Its not upon you that you'd pierce the wrong place. His instructions weren't specific—that'd be your excuse.

He won't die. Not from your hands.

You gently held the boy's arm, angling the pointers on the muscles. You drove it in.

Miscalculation.

The boy's body instantly stiffened, a gut wrenching scream erupted from his mouth. He thrashed around, swinging his legs and arms, his body twitching violently.

You recoiled back soon, yanking out the pin, stepping away on instinct. You watched with terror.

Foam rose up the boy's mouth, his shrieks pierced your eardrums. The fluid dripped down his jaw, marring his clothes. He clutched the area where you stabbed him. Scratching at it with all his might. The sound of flesh ripping filled your ears as the boy ruthlessly, tore the muscles.

You were stunted. You couldn't speak or move. You weren't chained but you felt as if a thousand shackles bore you down.

The next seconds were a blur. The screams started to die down, his body losing it's color. Sooner than you could grasp, did the room turn silent again.

The boy was dead.

"Enjoyed the show, wife?"

You slapped your hand over your mouth, stumbling a few steps back. You couldn't tear your eyes off the young boy, bile rose up your throat as the room started to spin.

"Wh-what did you-"

No- you couldn't throw up, whatever second thought it was, it refrained you from crumbling to your knees and make a mess. Shivers went down your spine, you struggled to stand straight. The stench of the corpse and the expunging liquids started to fill your nostrils. You were almost on the verge to lose consciousness.

"What... did you do?"

Your eyes flickered to Sukuna. He stood tall, not a sign of emotion on his mien. You regret ever considering mirth to the worst feature on him, cause none was more terrifying.

And he was watching you.

It reminded you of the time, you first saw him - covered with blood of the lives he had taken, down the river bank. Victim of naivety and ignorance, you didn't know any better than to not let him see you. Wandering towards the peculiar beast, even when a gut wrenching terror asked you to run; you were stubborn. You had asked - are you alright?

"What did you do?" You repeated again.

Tilting his head, he kept his unwavering gaze fixed on you. "As a matter of fact, I didn't do anything, wife." He paused, letting the horror shadow your features, "It was all you."

You needed to run.

The kanzashi– which was till then clasped in your hand firmly– fell down. A clank, you heard.

One step.

One step towards the door. He is standing afore you, the fingers of his upper right arm ran through your open hair, tangling in the roots, he yanked your head back.

"I don't remember, giving you the permission to leave."

Tears prickled your eyes as you tried to break free. Sukuna was having none of it. He dragged you by your hair towards the corpse of the boy. Your nails jabbed into his wrist while whimpers of anguish left your mouth.

Sukuna shoved you down to your knees, tugging your hair back - you were sure, they will be ripped off if he yanked with any more pressure - he made you glance at its face. He crouched beside you. With a flick of his finger, he ripped the blindfold out of the boy.

"Dare to shut your eyes."

Compliance had become second nature.

The body was rigid, skin turning blue. The veins on his arms were bulged out, his mouth wide open, filled with foam, trickling down his cheek, drying on it.

The sight caused you to gag.

Horrifying. His bloodshot eyes were wide open, protruding out of the sockets. Irises dilated in shape, which you considered humanly impossible. But what had your heart hammering in your chest wasn't the vivid details you saw on the corpse. It was the fact, that you recognized the boy. Son of that distant elder cousin, you'd seen once or twice in a year.

"Look at that, love." Sukuna cooed in your ear, forcing you to face the corpse.

You shook your head violently, nails dug into his wrist - desperate to escape. Your heart thumped inside your ribcage, you could hear it in your ears, your guts twisted in numerous ways as sweatbeads trailed down your forehead.

"You did that."

No. No, you didn't. You didn't do it. It wasn't you.

"You killed him."

No, you didn't... he didn't die because of you.

"Take a good look. See what you've done."

You vigorously shook your head. Denying all of his claims cause... cause they were... false, yes, false. They were false.

"No," You stated once you found your voice. "N-no, no... I- no."

Sukuna hummed, twisting a knot in your hair, "Yes, you. You did it."

No. You were innocent. You weren't to be blamed. It wasn't you.

It was... him.

"No, no, I didn't," You refused again, standing your ground. Moving your eyes towards him, you gritted your teeth. "No, I didn't do it. I didn't do anything. It was you."

"Really? How so?"

Fire burnt in your eyes. It was enough. He couldn't make you believe which you didn't commit - you didn't kill him.

"Poison," You said with conviction lacing your tone. "He was poisoned, a stab wouldn't procure such a reaction."

"Observant as ever," He mused, quirking up an eyebrow. A faint smile curled up on his lips. "Still, it doesn't gratify the fact that you were the one to end his life."

Blood boiled inside you, surging through your veins like lava. He had no right to accuse you of something. You didn't kill him, he couldn't make you believe it, whatsoever may happen.

"I may have stabbed him with the kanzashi, but that didn't have any trace of poison in it. I am-"

"Sure of it?"

You could only glare at him. He was toying with you. Tugging the strings of your conscience but you won't have any of it. "I am," You confirmed, staring at him without any falters. "I held it... you held it. If it was really drenched with toxicant as lethal as that, we- we both would be dead."

His grip loosened from your hair, hand falling down. The corners of his eyes crinkled, the smile turning into a smirk.

"It was you," You continued. "You did something to him at first and-"

Sukuna broke into a chortle of laughter. Far from jovial, more so sinister, filled with sheer malevolence. He gripped your jaw, pulling you closer to himself. His sharp canines glinted in the dim light.

"You just keep on fascinating me, wife."

Each second with him was revolting. Just his touch alone had your skin crawling. Yet, you couldn't let him know he has the upper hand.

"We had a pact," You stated firmly. His game was disgusting. What was he trying to do? What was his goal? "If I stay with you, you wouldn't lay a finger on my family, then- h-how could-"

"I would still stand on the ground, that I didn't do anything." He replied, a hint of amusement in his tone. "It was all you, wife. I can assure you that I didn't go back in my words." His canines glinted while he smiled. "Not a flick of pain. Save for..." He paused, his eyes widening, the carmine irises glowed in the dark. "Save for telling him, he'd be killed by a snake bite."

"There was no venom on my pin."

"Know so," He confirmed, a playful smirk on his visage. You wished you could read minds, if possible only of him, that'd been enough. Then where did poison come from? You wanted to question but he beat you to it.

"His fear turned into poison."

You blinked. Once. Twice. You knew he had an urge to play mind games but this was ridiculous. You questioned, shell-shocked, "What?"

"He let his fear get the better of him, assuming your pin to be a snake. He believed it." He explained while you listened without so much as a word. "His conscience caused his body to give out the exact reactions, he imagined. A shock, you might say. That caused his death."

His game was disgusting. If he thought, he could just give you any excuse as this and let you believe his accusations then he was mad wrong. You gritted your teeth, yanking your face away from his grip. For a second, you saw all of his eyes opening wide with surprise. But that didn't extinguish the fire burning in you.

He reached out, dragging you towards him via the arm. A glare resting on his face. "What did I tell about refusi-"

"I don't believe you," You cut him off, hands clenched into fists. It was the first time in a long time, you lost your composure in front of him. No, you wouldn't play as his doll anymore. He broke his promise, its only fair that you do so. "I don't believe a single word you say. You- you did something, you must have. Fear, belief, whatever the fuck, something as trivial as that-"

"So you think fear is trivial, wife?" He sighed, his clutch in your arm remained firm. The rough callouses of his palm, rubbed over your skin. "And here I thought, you might be different than the rest. But you managed to drop below my expectations."

"Maybe that's what I love about you, darling." He continued.

Disgust arose in you yet again. Love. As if he had any of that. He wasn't capable of love. Not in this lifetime. Never.

He spoke again, "Times you are the smartest I have seen, then you speak such blasphemy which would even embarrass the Gods you worship. Your silence was awarded by him leaning near your ear. He twisted a curl of your hair between his fingers. "Fear, wife..." He whispered to you. "Fear is a mind killer. It makes you believe anything. The small drop of poison which contaminates all the water."

"In the end, belief and fear are sides of the same coin," His top two eyes, flickered to the corpse of the boy. "I made him consume the poison of fear and you-" He turned to you again. "You made him believe it... so, in a way, yes. Yes, I did do something. Save for the part of ending his life. Though I didn't break my part of our pact." A smirk tugged on his lips. "You were the one who killed him. Isn't that great?"

Your breath hitched, throat gone dry. You gazed at him, eyes wide open. Your mind was a blank canvas.

Fear, poison, belief, killing...

He made you kill someone. An innocent boy who didn't even do anything.

Why won't he much rather just end your life?

Sukuna pulled away from you, standing up, he walked over to the lantern placed in the room. The stench of the rotting corpse had long ago started to pool in.

"You made me kill him." You whispered, still knelt, staring at the floor. When greeted with silence, you questioned again, a tone higher, "You made me kill him."

"And?"

His nonchalance had always been infuriating to you.

You could feel him standing a few steps behind you. "If you really wanted to kill my kin, you should've just told me. Getting your herbs was a tiring chore." You didn't miss the emphasis he put on, herbs. The roll of his eyes while speaking floated before your eyes even though you couldn't see him; the expression must had turned to a smirk later. "However, the taste of taking a life– isn't it delicious, wife?"

Guilt gnawed at you, tearing you internally. Your shoulders trembled as you let out ragged breaths, eyes fixed on the bloodied arm of the boy. The same arm where the kanzashi pierced, the muscles torn apart, blood drying on it due to the boy's onslaught. Nausea overrode your senses, bile rose up your throat and the next moment you were throwing up. The wastes ran down your mouth, your nails dug into the wooded boards – bruising your fingertips and chipping the nails. You didn't realize Sukuna stepping up to your side, pulling your hair back while you were caught into the ordeal.

A disapproving grunt left his mouth after you were finished, yanking you up with your wrist. He pulled you towards the door. "Com-"

"No." Your heels remained firm on the ground. You refused him before you could even think. He turned towards you slightly, a scowl resting on his features before he pivoted around. He cast a glare upon you but before he could speak, your mouth opened again.

"You're even lower than scum." Your jaw ticked, hands clenching into fists. "You made me kill an innocent boy. Someone who might have done nothing to you, You– You disgust me, Sukuna."

Done you were with the respect, he demanded. If that angered him, made him want to rip out your heart and watch the life drain from your eyes. He was most welcome.

But it looks like, he wasn't resorting to any of that.

"You made me a murderer." You urged, staying strong in your stance. "You turned me into you."

His eyebrow twitched, a wave of mirth washed over him. "You were always like me, wife."

"I am nothing-"

"You are. You are like me. You are no saint, as you think so of yourself. " He said, leaving no room for argument. His lips pressed tight into a thin line.

Yet, you refused to believe that. You were nothing like him. Couldn't even dream so. You were not him.

"You kill children in your womb, I kill them after they're born. How is it so different?"

"It is different." You yelled, your jaw clenched, teeth baring out. "This world needs no more of your lineage, it needs no more of you." You jabbed your pointer finger on his chest, tears pooling into your eyes. You refused to shed them. "You kill for your own sake, I do not."

"Then who do you kill for?"

"For everyone." The faint snort of his reached your ears. You couldn't decipher what he found so delightful in this.

"Playing God, are we?" He mocked causing your vexation to rise.

"Maybe I am. For the least, I am not killing innocent people like you."

From where such defiance arose, you weren't sure of. Perhaps, all the frustration, fright, terror which accumulated till now had reached its limit. Moreover, Sukuna's provocation must be the fuel to the fire.

You might be left bleeding– No, you would be left bleeding. You welcomed it with open arms.

"Careful," Sukuna pushed a strand of your hair behind your ear. "All Gods aren't worshipped."

He was enjoying himself. In all honesty, your obedience was getting too monotonous. This was better. Your defiance was amusing. Arousing, if there's to add. If he knew, letting you end a few lives would have this effect then he would have resorted to this long ago.

"Better than you." You shoved his hand away, "You are nothing more than a wretched, two-faced curse destroying all of our lives."

He noted your scowl, the way your lips were shut tight, your eyebrows crinkled together. Reasons evident, all he desired was to pull you into his arms smash his lips against yours. Taste the very essence of your being. Consume you wholly, just the way you are. So that in the end, your name, your taste, your scent would be engraved in his very soul. Without your mention, he wouldn't be complete.

But he refrained from giving in now. His desire extended to a far more sinister route. "I wonder..."

What would it be like to break your conviction? What would it be like to break you?

Oh, he knew.

Would it be right moment to let you know? Maybe he should wait for another, more appropriate time.

Hmm, perhaps he should. But no.

He let you play these games for too long. Tired of this game plan, he was. Maybe, you would just come to your senses if he let you know. So he let the words, flow out:

"I wonder, why this curse keeps protecting your pathetic life from people who would cross rivers to lay siege to your life?"

Worth everything.

Sukuna watched as your face lost its color. The previous boldness you presented him with was replaced by a mask of confusion and. Such a pretty sight, it was. To see you, falter from your stand. Second guess, yourself, be in denial then rage consumes you. And you look at him, like he was the forbearer of your misery. (He is).

Oh, how good he has you memorized.

Even the littlest of reactions you contort on your mien, on your mannerisms; everything has him intrigued. You have him intoxicated.

"You know the ones, the people... your people, for whom you play this God."

Sukuna wished he could capture this moment. He'd have the chance to take a glimpse of it again, whenever he wished to. The horrified look on your face as the weight of his words started to sink in.

Would you still look like this if he tells you the terror he bestowed on them who tried to steal you away from him? What would you say if he vividly describes each imagery of how he slowly, agonizingly burnt them, severed them and tormented them? Leaving them nothing but fragments beyond recognition.

You were his. All of you belonged to him. Without his sanction, no one could even see you, let alone touch you. Ah- just how many sorcerers perished from his hands, the number of villages, bathed in blood; save for yours. (Courtesy to that stupid pact, he forged with you)

Something had told him, that there'd be a better time to put an end to the pitiful lives of your kin.

"Can't speak? What caused so, darling?" His tone was laced with smugness, a twisted joy elicited in him. "Fearful that your play amounted to nothing?"

Your jaw ticked with anger. You were furious. "I don't believe you. You are lying."

Your trust on humans was commendable, he'd give you that. However, there's stark contrast between faith and blind belief. You were inclining towards the latter.

So, what do they do when words fail to convey message? Oh right, you give them a prime example.

"Let me just show it to you then, wife."

It was a gamble, he was willing to make. To keep you with him, forever, as he wanted - he needed you to know that no place other than his arms would be as comforting. Even if that meant breaking your very soul, so be it.

You were home.

One moment, Sukuna held your gaze. The next, you are standing before your hearth.

Toes dipping into the familiar black soil, the land where you ran and played during your childhood. Your familial home stood steps away from you. Still looked the same except the visible cracks on the wall, a layer of dust on top of the door and the woods looked worn out. However, what caught your eyes weren't the flaws of your home but the familiar older woman walking into your home.

"Mother…"

She stilled all of a sudden, rotating on her heels, her eyes landed on you. Shell shocked, that's what she was with the widened eyes and parted lips. A small smile curved up on your lips, she still looked the same except the few grey hairs and wrinkles aside her eyes.

"Mother," You called again, taking a step towards her. "I am back."

Sooner than you expected, her eyebrows scrunched up, mouth curving down when she finally registered your presence. You weren't some illusion or her mind playing tricks. "What are you here for?"

The disdainful tone caused you to flinch. You didn't expect this. Returning home, you dreamt of it to be filled with tears of joy and warm embraces. Not this… whatever, she was presenting you with. But- But its fine, you have returned after a two whole years. She must have been worried. The reason of her apprehension. God, you had a lot making up to do.

"Well, you know," You chuckled lightly, scratching the back of your neck. "Back… just back. I have returned."

"Found your way after two years?" She crossed her arms over her chest, staring at you with a look you didn't want to recognize.

You nodded, "Yes. How could I forget my way? Our address, its-"

You were interrupted when your name was spit out from her mouth. Her glare on you was palpable, "I know what it is. What are you here for?"

Her fury even made your skin crawl with fear. You were often on the receiving end of her glare when you were a child, given by your tendencies to run around and cause trouble for others. Yet, those glares, were none like this. This- this- you didn't want to name what it was.

"You are angry," You don't know if its directed towards your mother or yourself as you hold onto the last bit of fragments that not all is lost. "I get it, I really do." You stood on your toes, attempting to look behind her, into your house. "Where's father? Tell him, I am-"

"No more."

As if the air was knocked out of your lungs.

"What?" Your neck craned towards her so fast, it might have left a sprain. Yet, that was the least of your concern. "What do you mean by no more?"

"No more means no more." Your mother's sigh fell heavy on the air, words carried the weight of the world. Laid with pain underneath.

"How- when? Wha-what happened?" You couldn't wrap your mind around the new discovery. No one told you such. Who could've guessed? Such an ordeal to occur in your absence. And what might she be going through, without you. You didn't even get the chance to talk to him, one last time.

"A year ago," She confessed, her voice conveyed her lament and sorrow. Her words felt like a hammered blow on the fragile façade of hope, you had intricately crafted for yourself. However, she wasn't done. Her eyes held scorn, lips curled up to a sneer. "Aren't you satisfied? You finally made your mark. Must tell you," Her voice, once filled with love held nothing save for contempt, directed at you. "Good game, you played, dear." She spit the endearment as if, it were poison.

"No, I- I never wanted any of this. What are you even talking about?" A trembling footfall towards her, you whispered, "M-mother-"

"Don't you dare call me that."

The weight of her judgement felt heavy on you, pressing down, suffocating you alike chains.

"You are no daughter of mine."

You weren't aware since when the tears had sprang up your eyes, breaking the barricades, they shed down. Your throat burnt as you struggled to even breathe, clutching your chest - a searing pain shooting in your heart. Your heart was shattering from the ultimate rejection from your own flesh and blood.

"While you're at it, know this." Your mother continued.

The next words were like a blow to the gut, each syllable lined with the weight of revelations. Ones that hung in the air like a funeral shroud.

"In his last moments, his only regret was bringing a daughter like you in this world."

This night just doesn't seem to end, does it?

You were left as a hollow shell. Tethering the steps away from the home you were no more welcomed. Exhaustion reigned heavy on you. Physically and mentally.

Where were you going? You didn't know. Just where your feet would take you, there would you go. Perhaps, you can return to Sukuna. Would he take you back? Most probably not. Considering, your earlier outburst, adding to the fact that you refused to give him what you want; he might just discard you as you proved to be useless.

Funny. It was so damn funny. Once, you wished to escape from his hands whatsoever the price yet now… now you considered returning to him.

You could hear him calling you pathetic. Disgusting. More disgusting, that you agreed with him.

You were truly pathetic.

But before you could spiral down the void of self-hatred, a voice- nah, multiple voices startled you.

"There she is, parading around some meek, innocent girl." A scoff is added. "You are far from it."

"The nerve of you to just walk back into our lives after you betrayed us."

Your neck cranes to your left, an old man - the village elder with a few other men and women following behind; they approached you. "Excuse me?"

"Who do you think you are?" A woman's cry reached your ears. "Returning after you turned your back on us."

You flinched at the accusation thrown. What could be possibly be instigating? To all your knowledge, you were walking in this- in your village after two long years. Anger, disdain and accusatory glares clouded their features. If your mother's insults weren't enough to pierce through your heart then it certainly did now, with all the people, you once called your own to look at you like you were the monster.

You summoned the least bit of courage you had, squared your shoulders and started, "I'd have you know-"

"Traitors don't get to speak." At the center of the crowd was the village elder. He was the pillars of your hamlet, revered for his wisdom and guidance, but now he looked akin a judge ready to deliver his sentence upon you. A sentence which would push you more into this conundrum. "You've been cavorting to that monster. Disgusting."

"I am no traitor." You retorted soon. "You can't accuse me of such when you don't ev-"

"Save it for someone who would care, whore."

The curse had your mouth parted in disbelief, horror etched upon your mien. Sooner than you could compose yourself, did whispers of agreement rippled through the crowd which branded you as a traitor.

"You are just as twisted as him."

"Get out of here if you so much as hold your life dear."

"Don't play as the innocent bitch, now."

The accusation hung in the air like a dark cloud, poisoning the atmosphere with its venomous hatred. Your breath was caught in your throat as you searched desperately for words to defend yourself; the crowd's hostility rendered you speechless. But amidst the cacophony of condemnation, one voice stood out above the rest.

I wonder, why this curse keeps protecting your pathetic life from people who would cross rivers to lay down yours?

Really? Were you really recalling his words now? Now of all times… You truly were pathetic.

For one moment, You just stayed silent - letting their accusations bore you down. Somewhere you wished all of it were just a nightmare. You'll soon wake up on your bed beside Sukun- fuck! Since when did you start to expect to wake up with him? He- He was toying with your mind. This was the only result. But the fact that this was your thought process had you recoil back.

The next moment, everything made sense.

These accusations were stemmed from the fact that you- you were proclaimed to be the wife of the King of curses. Your unwillingness to return, given for the pact you forged with Sukuna, was taken as your cue that you betrayed your family, your home, your people.

Your family despised you. Your people despised you. The very same people you chose to protect were turning their back on you.

Did they truly try to lay down your life?

Amidst your plight, you didn't register when the village elder marched up to you. "Didn't you hea-" His trial at speech was cut off. Nay, his lifeline was cut off. (Humorous, isn't it?)

Numerous red lines appeared on his body before it burst off into a globs of flesh and blood. Blood which splashed onto you, marring your visage and attire with its hues.

He was here. You knew it. You could feel it.

For some reason, it filled you with a sense of relief.

However, your people were on the other end of the rope. The eyes which afore held hatred and disgust, they were now filled with horror and fright. In this reverie as the villagers started to flee, a torch tumbled on the ground - lighting the grass on fire. The winds showed no mercy, as the howls increased, so did the flames.

Provoking him was never the right move.

You were digging your own grave.

Playing with fire only gets you burnt.

Flames surrounded you, crawling up your skin, the screams piercing your ears, your chest heaved up and down. Gaze, once settled on your hearth, now all you saw were the burning huts, the crackling of embers reached your ears. Attire and hands stained with blood of the insolent.

No one touches what's mine.

The warning shouldn't have been taken lightly. Should have known, the extent of his power.

Eyes held terror, fright, regret- whatever you could name. The multitude of names you received seemed no more than a distant dream, nowhere to be found. All were running away - expectable.

You expected calamity, but you were calm.

The sparks danced over your irises as everything went down in the crimson hues. Save for you, you weren't burning. Not an spark touched your skin. Was it the distance or the control? Who knows. But one confirmation which you held was that - tonight you won't die. Not so soon either.

Careful, not all Gods are worshipped.

The words rang in your ears and as if on cue, you found him again. In this trance of insanity, only one thing held your sight when you attempted to turn - The eyes tinted with crimson.

All of a sudden, something burnt inside you too.

Unbridled rage consumed you. Your chest heaved up and down as ragged breath left your mouth. Their words came back to you, ringing in your ears as if you were pushed into a void.

Who do you think you are? Returning after you turned your back on us.

Would this bitch even be alive if you prioritized yourself?

Don't play as the innocent bitch, now.

Is that the thanks you get for trying to protect them?

Traitors don't get to talk.

Traitor… fine, you'd be the traitor.

With caution you took one step towards him. No reaction. Your chance - you took another. Then another and another. You stood before him, with nothing save for a void etching your features. Amusement flickered over him, the corner of his lip curled up.

"Saw it for yourself wife?"

Seemed like silence was your go-to response lately. From your peripheral, you saw the burning houses, the distant screams reached you. For some reason, the screams were almost soothing. You revelled in this. Their gut wrenching shrieks were like a balm to your essence.

Their predicament was your solace.

Sounded like someone you knew. Someone who had warned you about them but you chose to remain ignorant. Sickening… were you becoming like him?

You were always like me, wife.

You could laugh. Maybe you were like him.

"Let's forge another pact?" You offered, keeping your eyes pinned on him.

"A pact?"

"A pact."

A smirk curved up his lips, the upper pair of arms crossed over his chest, "Humour me, love."

The smirk wasn't directly for you. But he did. So you returned it back. One with an equal malicious intent. Cause in that moment, no second thoughts, no doubts clouded your mind. And so, you uttered the blasphemy:

"You kill them all, each and everyone. In return, I will stay with you, give you an heir. Whatever you want from me."

A year later

Screams died down after a gruelling ten hours.

"Good news, Sukuna sama. It's a boy."

A/N: Honestly, I was almost done with this fic, long ago but while writing the climax, I kept chickening out with all the self-doubts but then I just wrote what I wanted. I do understand if the ending is not up to your liking and I sincerely apologize for it.

However, thanks for reading up till the end. I enjoyed writing this a lot. Some feedback is appreciated <3

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eowynstwin · 4 months ago

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I made a post about this earlier this month, but I think it was pretty unclear in its purpose, so here’s take two.

Dark romance—at lot of people don’t like it or don’t get it. Some very loud people believe that it shouldn’t exist, and should be purged and banned from all fandom platforms. I’m not here to tell you what to believe; I’m here because I know a lot of people who speak against dark romance probably, secretly, are very interested in it, and are deeply ashamed of that. (Source—I used to be one of those people.)

I believe that understanding the appeal of dark work, and the underlying desires that it addresses, can help bridge the gap.

The fact is, dark tropes are not about the things themselves; at their core, what they do is address our deepest desires to be known, to be wanted, and to receive pleasure without struggling to find it. They allow us to cling to our shame or our insecurity without allowing those inhibitions to preclude our desires being met. They also remove from us the pressure to make decisions about how and when to receive pleasure and intimacy, and allow us simply to sit back and enjoy what we are given.

In pursuit of understanding, I’m breaking it down. Below is every trope I can think of, and an explanation for its appeal. I highly recommend reading through all of them.

Dubcon - you are reluctant to say yes to a sexual encounter, out of discomfort or insecurity or shame. Your inhibitions are bypassed, and your desire is recognized beyond your protest. You receive the pleasure of sex anyway.

Noncon - a more intense version of dubcon. You may be actively afraid of sex for whatever reason; you may deny outright that you want it at all, even though you do. You may be inclined to vehemently reject it if it’s offered to you. The reason for that rejection is perceived, your inward desire is recognized, and again, you receive the pleasure of sex anyway.

Stalking - someone is so interested in you that they get to know every detail about you. Your likes, your dislikes, your habits. They discover every need you have and take it upon themself to meet those needs. They are obsessed with knowing you.

Kidnapping - they see you, and they know they want you. They’re not going to dance around it—they’re going to give you the relationship you want, and you don’t have to do anything to acquire it. It falls into your lap and stays there.

Captivity - you are not required to do anything other than be fucked. You stay home with all the free time in the world, and your only job is to receive pleasure.

Restraints - you are not required to do a single thing during sex to please your partner. In fact, you’re tied up, so you can’t do anything. All you have to do is lay there and take what they give you. You can literally do no wrong.

Somnophila - similar to restraints—you don’t have to do anything to receive pleasure, and what’s more, you receive it at your most relaxed. They are in control; they do not want you to do anything for them. They’ll handle it. You get to just enjoy it.

Infidelity - if you are performing infidelity, you are punishing the partner you’re cheating on for being a horrible partner with someone who will be a better partner to you. If they are performing infidelity, they are choosing you over someone else who is supposed to be important to them.

Baby trapping - they want a family with you, and they are ready to do anything to get it. They want you to be permanently connected to them. They want something that ties you to them forever. They are ready to be a caring partner and parent.

Slut shaming/Humiliation - you are ashamed of your desire, and you feel you should be punished for it. That desire for punishment is met, without going too far. Often your desire is affirmed, even if it’s denigrated at the same time. You experience catharsis for your shame without harm.

Mafia - wealth and power, with the singular focus of making your life easy and comfortable. They have no scruples doing whatever it takes to care for you and keep you safe, and they have all the ability in the world to do so.

Serial killer - the most dangerous thing in the world is safe for you, and you alone. No matter what, you are safe, and they are determined to keep you that way.

Sibling incest - someone you’ve known for longer than anyone, who knows every flaw you have and ever had, still wants you. They know you more intimately than anyone, and that intimacy only produces desire for you. You have a connection with them unlike any other. You are closer to them than anyone in the world. You will never not be connected to them.

Parent/child incest - similar to sibling incest, along with: the person whose approval you want the most gives you that approval and then some. They know how to take care of you better than anyone, and they provide that care. You never have to go looking for anyone to be with; they’ve been there from the beginning, and they’re not going anywhere.

People who enjoy this work often find that explicit scenes of consent can interrupt their immersion into pleasure. It confers on them a responsibility to think critically about the potential sexual encounter facing them, and to consider all of the risks of consenting to it—emotional and physical. All you’re thinking about is STIs, the weird way your body looks at different angles, and having to acknowledge that this person you’re about to be intimate with might not actually know how to please you at all.

That’s an enormous amount of pressure; suddenly, every fear and inhibition you’ve ever had rears its head, and you end up not wanting to bother at all.

So, if consent is not a factor, immersion is not broken. There is no pressure. You have no responsibility to think about the risks, because the choice to have sex or not is not in your hands. That frees you to enjoy the pleasure to the absolute fullest, with nothing whatsoever holding you back.

I think, if you can understand that, you can understand why dark romance is so appealing.

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fiamat12 · 1 month ago

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PSA: Bye bye bye

I 100% understand the current frustration and a need to vent but when it comes out as doubting Lukola, I'm going to ask that you please take it elsewhere. 👋 Lukola bloggers already deal w/ massive trolling so please be mindful of your comments. If you believe we don't matter as fans and Lukola disregards us, why are you here? Yes we on Tumblr are only a fraction of a fandom that grew like wildfire during the world tour but nevertheless, the fandom at large consists of fans across all platforms in several different countries - many who have never followed celebs must less shipped. And I believe we matter to Lukola.

If we didn't matter, why would L look the most stressed we've ever seen him after papgate in Milan or absolutely miserable and dissociated every time he has to appear w/ A? And N has appeared to be crying or throwing up at certain events, and the both of them looked absolutely heartbroken at the Baftas pre party. Why would they have given us Easter eggs if they wanted us to go away or not pay attention? All in all, their actions are not two people who don't care how they are perceived by fans.

Also, we've discussed the "they don't owe us anything" concept ad nauseum. They don't! But the celeb-fan relationship is a reciprocal one and they are humans, not gods beyond critique. I will link some posts below for those of you who have forgotten***. We didn't become shippers for no reason and, again, the Easter eggs (continuing even into this year) I would argue have been intentional. And if they never launch? Ok! We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... but I don't think we're there yet.

Lastly, I do NOT believe this is what Lukola has wanted. I think they have had no choice and the situation has been atypical. Many of us continue to give grace and understand the "why" but we can also withdraw our support when our limit is reached. That's up to each individual person to decide!

Discord comment of the morning ⏬️

*** Shipper feedback posts ⬇️⬇️⬇️

#all in time time will reveal

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moodymisty · 7 months ago

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Author's note: Meep

Relationships: Mortarion/Fem!Reader (no pronouns just uterus implied)

Warnings: Tokophobia, Self deprecation, Dehumanizing kind of language about a fetus lol Morty is cursing his balls for actually working

The news to you, had begun as a bought of sickness.

Mortarion had panicked, worried that his strict decontamination protocol had failed and somehow you'd gotten a pathogen from him, or from something he'd given you. He'd cast suspicion to the new dress he'd gotten you as a gift, vowing to burn it for its perceived transgressions.

You'd quite quickly reassured him you didn't feel that ill, and that it came in waves; like a sour stomach more than a sickness. He still didn't relax, and likely wouldn't until he had a baseline medicae look you over.

He hadn't been there at the time, his men needed to update him on various things concerning his legion- a significantly more important task- and he left you to your check over with the promise that you would update him.

It had been a quick and easy endeavor; You had gotten your diagnosis after a few quick questions, and a blood test.

Pregnant.

It... You had never even considered the idea beyond the overly romantic and at times erotic wandering your mind would do. You don't know why you didn't perceive it as an option; Mortarion is a man, a human one, technically- but you'd never considered this risk. It surely didn't help that Mortarion treated and spoke of his body as if it was broken by various experiments and genetic meddling anyhow.

His return to his quarters was hasty, knowing you would be waiting with whatever news you were given in the time of his absence. When he entered, he soon saw you sitting on the massive bed underneath its canopy.

You insisted on adding it, and Mortarion allowed it after a short bit of pleading. He wouldn't admit it, but he appreciates it now; he enjoys the feeling of security the curtains give his bed as he lays with you surrounded by them. Like a den.

"What did they say?"

His voice was more worn, tired. He'd spoken a lot today. Multiple coughing fits and hours of conversation have rendered his voice more harsh than usual. The hesitation that you exuded worried him however, as you wrung your wrists. He was on a knife's edge before he saw your face soften a tad as you prepared to speak.

"I'm pregnant."

You could see the shock spread across his face, his eyes darting around your face as if somehow still confused. Once it settled more, sinking in his mind like debris in a lake, he stepped closer to you as his ruined throat whispered roughly.

He sounded... Dumbfounded.

"I didn't think..."

He seemed confused, almost upset- you were worried for a moment, until he spoke again a bit louder and clarified the turbulence in his mind.

"I... I am sorry."

"I did this to you, I put that in you, I- I didn't think I even could-"

He shocked you with the sudden overwhelming headiness of guilt he exuded. His hands weighed heavy in your lap as he sank to his knees in front of you. His head hung low looking at your belly, and ever since the word of your condition left your lips, he hadn't looked you in the eyes.

He spoke as if the child inside of you was a parasite, a disgusting abomination he had inflicted upon you.

"Please forgive me, I can remedy this. I promise you I will fix this, I won't have you suffer such a disgusting sanguisige for my own ignorance."

You slipped your hands into his thin hair, feeling it against your skin. He showed little reaction, consumed by his own prostration.

"Mortarion..."

Your brow furrowed, watching his face contort with self hated. His hands tightened on the fabric of your skirt but not enough to damage it.

"I had no intent to do this, to make you carry such a creature, I will f-" You dared to interrupt him before he continued more, the rasp of his dry throat roughing his words like the most course sandpaper.

"Tari, what is there to fix?"

He froze, looking at you confused. You tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear and smiled.

"Now that the surprise is over, i couldn't be happier." You lost that smile a bit, remembering snippets of things he's told you of his past.

"With the way you always spoke about your body, I," you made sure not to mention his name- Necare- and ruin the moment.

"I didn't know if it was possible. But," You laughed. "It is."

Mortarion looked at you wide eyed, hands still in your lap gripping your skirt. His prostrating ended as you kept talking, watching sheer disbelief cross his face. He seemed so shocked that you weren't sobbing, weren't crying for him to tear the embryo out of you before it grew and latched tighter to your body like a leech, and cursing him for the sheer gall of him to impregnate you.

In reality, you were excited.

"Recently, I've been thinking about having a baby. I wonder if it was fate. Or maybe someone telling me I'd gotten my wish and just didn't know quite yet." You brushed your palm against his cheek, watching his glassy, disbelief filled eyes gaze at you.

"I hope they look like you, Tari."

#mortarion x reader #primarch x reader #reader #warhammer 40k x reader #reader insert #mywriting #tokophobia tw

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inseparabiles · 7 months ago

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Hi, my freeranged and appropriately enriched audience. I need to talk about something real big bad and I think I've already ended all of my friendships for this reason, so I'm doing it here instead.

This scene? After Colosseum?

There's so many things going on in this scene, and for the love of everything that is holy, in order to talk about any of it, I've clipped Macrinus out of the picture because he doesn't exist.

I'll start with the fact that, while these two are described as somewhat pathologically paranoid, this is the first day we see them living through that gives them significant reason to be worried. Most days, they seem to coast by being both terminally naïve and endlessly isolationist in terms of their company, focusing solely on each other and themselves, particularly their hedonistic pursuits, while assuming that everybody they surround themselves with loves them, for whatever reason. Everything is going great for them as far as they're perceiving it. They don't know the audiences are not cheering for them - they take every cheer as if it was aimed at them. Presenting Acacius at the Colosseum for the first day of the games? They receive no applause beyond what the audience is already dishing out upon their introductions. But producing Marcus Acacius has the audience heated, and these two somehow think that's for them. They're idiots. Morons. They're so stuck in their own delusions of grandeur that yes, while they do recognise they're in Rome and Roman emperors have a terrible tendency to catch a blade, they don't seem to be actually living that reality at all.

What we know from the script is, however, that they have never truly known stability or safety: his whole life, Geta has been shielding Caracalla from their father's explosive anger. Caracalla, presumably, has witnessed this if nothing else, though I'm curious about that golden tooth within this context. I'm sure he's caught some inbetween there, too, because Geta can only afford so much shield from a grown man. And they've never had any protection from any of that. Nobody would stand up to an emperor to protect a prince; they were his rightful property. He could do with his boys whatever he pleased, and Geta's sole duty has been, it seems, not to survive, but ensure that his brother does. His pain has never mattered. His rights, needs, wants, wishes have never mattered. Caracalla's have.

I'm sure they used to be at each other's throats like the wolf pups that they are when they were younger. But what you can see with them in their early adulthood is that this is something that does not apply anymore. They'll hurt anybody else, particularly anyone they perceive as hostile to them, and most often it's done just for fun and pleasure. This makes Caracalla's fetish for watching violence particularly interesting - what with the complex relationship kinks and fetishes can often have with prior trauma, feelings of powerlessness, and attempts to regain control - but that's for a wholly different meta there. What I'm getting at is that it's always others they inflict cruelty upon, and enjoy, but never each other; there is an absolute dynamic between them, it's them against the world, them for one another. Geta's first duty is to protect Caracalla, and Caracalla trusts him implicitly. At least before this scene.

While script!Geta has less patience for his brother than Quinn's Geta does, there is never any doubt there who and what his priority is. Caracalla comes first to him. So, it's safe to say that with Dondus screaming, when he flings his water in Caracalla's face, it's never with the intent of hitting him. I have sensory issues and I'll be the first to admit I've thrown things when my processing threshold is violently crossed and it's something you just don't second-guess, like someone hitting your knee joint with a hammer. But regardless of intent, the consequences are so very interesting. And I'm sure Caracalla, even, knows that this wasn't intentional. Dear gods though, look at his reaction.

This is the face of someone telling you you have crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed.

And, for the sake of my sanity, I need to make sure everybody understands that Caracalla's way to emphasise just how much things have broken here is to say absolutely nothing, leave the room, and go cry under a table. Terrifying. But I digress; what is terrifying is Geta, after this has happened.

This is the face of a man who has crossed a boundary of his own, and it has quite little to do with the previous. Yes, Caracalla is angry at him, and there will be consequences in some form. Again, for now, the consequences are that he's chosen to become inconsolable and hide under furniture, likely much as he did when their father had his rages. But Geta, for the first time in his life, broke out of his role of a protector, and the one to be beaten.

He's realised that Caracalla is not untouchable. And for ages, he doesn't move, because his whole world has shaken here; and what he does then to justify his actions is blame his brother for them. Caracalla did absolutely nothing to earn what he did to him, but it's now his fault, for being so unstable. A liability. How could Caracalla make him do this to him, truly.

This evening, Geta's been brought face to face with his reality: he is not loved. He is not untouchable. While he can mandate the word of gods, he is not, himself, regarded as a god. Not like he deserves. Not like he should be. He's suffered so much - but he is a great man, and he knows this. He's not stupid, and he's a conqueror, albeit from his comfortable seat at home. But he deserves better.

And what, pray, is standing in the way? What is holding him back? His brother is. Caracalla, who is always embarrassing him. Who is his first and last responsibility each day and each night, who needs him to watch his every move, to keep him safe not only from the world but from himself and his own instability, his insanity, his unpredictable actions. Without Caracalla, Geta could be focusing on being an emperor. He could be achieving so much more than he is, if he wasn't his brother's constant, eternal keeper, his babysitter, his court jester. And he deserves more, doesn't he? He deserves to be remembered.

So, let Macrinus (who doesn't exist as you can see from the screenshots) handle Caracalla this time. Geta has an empire to think of.

And this, this is what interests me about this scene more than anything. For Caracalla's part, things seem at a glance much more benign, though no less broken: the one thing he took as certain as air has fallen apart - that his brother would always stand for him first, and would never lay a finger on him to hurt him. His brother, who bled for him, protected him from their father, and has ever since looked after him, elevated him to the highest status, aside from some... minor symptoms of hubris, of course. But while all of this hurts him, deeply, fundamentally, it isn't enough to make him immediately see Geta as his enemy.

And I can't stop asking - should he? Should he now regard Geta as his enemy? His whole world is collapsing. It's from this very moment onwards (yes, this one, specifically) that he begins to show symptoms of acute psychosis: delusions, paranoia, severe lapses in reality, memory, and continuity. He doesn't look like he sleeps either, but of course, other factors come into play with that part. (And gods know I don't blame him for that.)

Geta was his foundation, his bedrock. They were in this together, whatever happened. Yes, they bicker, but they've always known how that goes: Geta's patience is endless with Caracalla, and Caracalla's thirst for violence is not turned towards him, even at its worst. Geta has no issues turning his back to Caracalla in the state that he is while the man is wielding a sword and doing god knows what with it in the background. Not for one second does Geta flinch when coming between Caracalla, his sword, and a man he's already condemned to die, because Caracalla would never harm him, either.

But after this? After the first blow, however small? What then?

I'm just asking questions here. This could lead onto the next subject - the way Caracalla's whole demeanor changes when he inflicts the first wound on his brother and finds that he bleeds just the same - but I'm keeping that to me for now.

edit: I did not keep it to myself, by popular demand. Here.

#gladiator ii #gladiator 2 #gladiator meta #apparently I do that now #emperor caracalla #emperor geta #this post is dedicated to all of my friends who did not get the whole of this in their DMs for once #I love you but it cannot stop me from doing what must be done #original content

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anthurak · 10 months ago

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So by this point, I think many of us are likely familiar with the idea that the breakup of Team RWBY at the end of Volume 3 is meant to thematically parallel the breakup of Team STRQ in the wake of Summer’s death, ie; Ruby falls into a coma for a few days while Summer disappears and then both their teams fracture. Along with a popular sub-theory that Blake leaving Yang after the Fall is meant to parallel Raven leaving Tai.

But the thing is, if Ruby falling into a coma at the end of Volume 3 is meant to parallel Summer’s (supposed) death and the way this loss caused the fracturing and breakup of their respective teams, then Raven’s actions DON’T really parallel Blake nearly as well as a lot of people think.

And in fact, I feel like Qrow could potentially have paralleled Blake’s actions FAR better.

Like people talk about how Raven ‘abandoned’ Tai just like Blake ran away from Yang after the Fall of Beacon. Except if the point of parallel to the Fall of Beacon is Summer’s death, then the parallel doesn’t work because Raven was ALREADY GONE from Team STRQ by the time Summer disappeared. To the point where Tai, Qrow and Ozpin had (and still have) NO IDEA she was even involved in whatever happened to Summer. Raven can’t exactly have abandoned Tai just like Blake did to Yang if Raven wasn’t even around.

Instead, as I’ve discussed in the past, I think Raven’s actions following Summer’s ‘death’ potentially line up far better with WEISS. Like if it turns out that losing Summer was what actually drove Raven to return to her tribe, then that lines up very nicely with Weiss being taken back to her family/Atlas in the wake of the Fall of Beacon: Both return to the shitty, abusive family that raised them. And given how much of Weiss’s character is tied up in her family and their ‘legacy’, then the way Raven eventually took over her tribe makes her an ideal foil; effectively representing a Weiss who did eventually take over the Schnee family and company, but in the process internalized all the pain and trauma her family gave her.

And as for a cherry on top; if Ruby falling into a coma after the Fall of Beacon is meant to parallel Summer’s supposed ‘death’, then what was one of the last things Ruby did at the Fall?

Run off on a special mission with Weiss, just like we now know Summer did with Raven.

Now going back to my point about how Raven was not even around to abandon Tai just like Blake did to Yang, you know who WAS presumably around when Summer ‘died’?

Yeah; Qrow.

Let’s consider what exactly Blake actually did following the Fall of Beacon beyond just a surface-level reading: Yes, she did go back to her family, similar to what Raven may have done, but given that the Belladonnas are NOT actually shitty and abusive, I maintain that Weiss is still the better parallel to Raven. Instead, let’s consider Blake’s whole arc across Volumes 4 and 5 relating to the White Fang: At first being depressed over loss and perceived failure before being inspired to start working for a better cause, in this case pushing back against and stopping Adam’s takeover of the White Fang.

So I have to wonder; what if this reflects what Qrow did with Ozpin and the conspiracy following Summer’s ‘death’? Maybe Qrow and his teammates had helped Ozpin in the past and knew what he was doing, but what if THIS was the point where Qrow became fully committed to Ozpin’s cause and joined the Ozluminati full-time? Perhaps seeing it as a way of ‘honoring’ Summer’s memory.

Instead of staying with the one teammate he had left (and possible partner) who was now in a massive depressive spiral AND had two kids to take care of.

It starts to make Qrow and Tai feel a lot like Blake and Yang, doesn’t it?

This is one of the big reasons why I think Qrow and Tai are the REAL foil to Bumbleby on Team STRQ. They effectively give us a look at a version of Blake and Yang whose relationship failed. Or rather, were never able to ‘take the next step’ and actually form their relationship.

Qrow is a Blake who fully internalized her self-loathing and belief that she didn’t deserve Yang or that Yang was better off without her and has simply been pining for Yang from afar.

Meanwhile Tai is a Yang who likewise fully internalized her fears of abandonment and fully resents Blake for leaving her or may not have ever even fully recognized her feelings for Blake in the first place.

Essentially, Qrow and Tai are the version of Blake and Yang who weren’t able to work through all the problems, issues and baggage which allowed them to actually start their relationship. Like a Blake who didn’t get that vital pep-talk from Sun at the end of Volume 4, or a Yang who likewise didn’t get that vital talk from Weiss in Volume 5.

Which in turn leads us to what I brought up earlier with Qrow joining up with the Ozluminati full-time, essentially representing a Blake who threw herself into reforming the White Fang instead of returning to Team RWBY and reconnecting with Yang. Meanwhile Tai simply throws himself into a deep depression, grief and ‘moping’, ironically all the things he would later accuse Yang of doing (at some point I’m going to do a post on just how much PROJECTING Tai has likely been doing…)

So now Qrow and Tai have this low-key toxic relationship where Qrow is more-or-less aware of Tai’s extremely dysfunctional parenting but has also been enabling it and a lot of Tai’s unhealthy coping mechanisms over the years because he’s been pining for Tai ever since their Beacon days and still is pining in a very depressed, self-loathing ‘I don’t deserve him/to be happy’ way and also doesn’t want to risk conflict with his former partner and also the only teammate he has left.

Thus Qrow keeps his distance and just goes along with Tai’s dysfunctions and/or lets Tai push him away. Which in turn just reinforces Tai’s abandonment issues.

And Ruby and Yang are still stuck with utterly dysfunctional parental figures.

Oh, and if you need more proof about the deliberate parallels between Blake and Qrow…

youtube

Then how about the whole damn song where they sing about how they’ve always felt terrible about themselves but now things are looking up for them.

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starmosaics · 11 months ago

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Mars in the 8th house pt. 1/3

I'm splitting this into parts because there's a lot to cover with this placement.

A person with an 8th house Mars doesn't just share anything with anybody, they'll test you and make sure that you can be trusted before sharing anything about themselves other than surface-leveled things. From the outside, an 8H Mars person seems distant, kept, shut off, and mysterious; they're an enigma. Many people feel intimidated just by being in the 8H Mars person's presence. People want to desperately figure this person out or pinpoint something about them, but just simply can't. The reason 8H Mars people are so guarded is because they most likely have faced life-altering pain or traumatic experiences at some point in their lives, commonly due to death or betrayal by other people. They can be incredibly hesitant or totally reluctant with trusting and opening up to others. They tend to keep people at arms length and might have paranoid thoughts about getting close to people because of their trust issues and reluctance to let down their guard. They are incredibly hypervigilant people and it takes a long time for them to express their vulnerabilities.

These people are naturally investigative and are great at researching and absorbing information. They're like sponges when it comes to obtaining details that reveals the truth. They love digging things up beyond the surface, revealing the truth, and bringing things to light. They want to understand things on a much deeper, intellectual level to reveal secrets and to solve cryptic and hidden messages. They either are great sources themselves or provide great sources for others and will always show up with the cold hard facts. I worked with a girl who had an 8H Mars and she did so much research on employee's rights to dig up what illegal things our management was getting away with. She obsessed over it for months and was fixated on "exposing" the institution we worked for. I am also friends with a guy who does scientific research at his school as a job who has an 8H Mars. I have an 8H Mars and am deeply invested in astrology.

These people are wonderful friends, family members and partners, and will always be the first responder when someone they care about is in a dire situation. They're also the best person to be with when in a dangerous or life-threatening situation. These are the types of people to remain calm and collected to ensure that whatever is at hand is taken care of. During an emergency, they're the ones to brainstorm and come up with a plan to execute; they're incredible strategists. This is most likely due to having dealt with a lot of dangerous or traumatic events in their lives which caused them to be able to respond to other people's situations with a much more steadfast approach.

Most of the 8H Mars people I've met had a weird relationship with their sexuality in their teenage/young adult years and lost their virginity at a later age compared to their peers. People may objectify 8H Mars folks or perceive them to be more sexual than they are (ex. being told that the 8H Mars person looks like they have a lot of experience with sex even if they don't) because these people commonly ooze sex appeal. Something about them makes people feel incredibly drawn and magnetized to them. I knew someone with an 8H Mars who was a stripper and did sex work. She also had a sugar daddy which I would associate to be an 8H topic (shared/gained resources from another, Mars covering sex). I too have considered doing sex work for quite a while now. 8H mars people may like more rougher and primal sex such as BDSM. The bedroom is where the more darker parts of themselves are revealed. They may also enjoy exploring different kinds of kinks rather than having plain or vanilla sex. Despite people thinking 8H Mars folks are sexually progressive all the way, these people actually need to have an emotional/spiritual connection to those they engage sexually with, otherwise they will feel like something is missing during sex and that the void they're seeking to be filled cannot be reached. Unfortunately, I have also known many 8H Mars people who have faced a form of sexual victimization.

In the next 2 parts, we'll cover certain transformations these people may undergo in their lives, mental health and psychology, life and death situations, struggles within intimate relationships, and "taboo" topics these people might enjoy. If you have an 8H Mars let me know if this resonates :))

#8h mars #mars 8th house #mars #8th house #8h #astrology #astro observations #astro community #astro notes #m

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martialartslover7 · 1 month ago

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Neji Hyuga - My Headcanons

I have already spent the past few months or so, writing my own titular, pre-Shippuden, Hyuga clan saga, and now, through a number of interactions with friends and followers on here, and on Twitter, I have gathered a number of headcanons, related to Neji himself. That also took shape for me, while writing the Hyuga Showdown story. Let me run it down.

Neji loves philosophical discussions

His life, as part of the Side Branch, burnmarked him, time and time again, for how often he got beaten down, just for being alive, and bearing a mark, that has done nothing, but repeatedly remind him, how "worthless" he is, according to the Hyuga council. And despite Naruto and Hinata having invoked a feeling of hope in his soul, you just know the nihilist part of his soul starts speaking through him, once he starts quoting famous philosophers, and asking questions about, wether life has any true meaning, whether it even matters, or why humans need the struggle to grow. He is just fascinated over how complicated and nuanced human beings can be, how they face adversion head-on, and choose to either be steadfast and morally upright, or choose to do harm, as a coping mechanism. The same way he used to do.

Neji is really fuzzy about how he presents himself

Neji, in spite of "macho" appearances, is very immaculate and deliberate on how the people around him perceive him. He takes great pride in his appearance, his hair, his skin, his overall posture and form, all of that matters to him, and he isn't even ashamed to admit it, flat-out. This is part in due, how the Hyuga clan generally approaches combat, and the philosophy of "intimidation, through not just discipline, but fashionable dress-codes, and orderly, personal hygiene". Going along with the idea that, you can strike fear and respect in your opponent, if you don't just fight at your best, but you also LOOK the best. That is one part of the Hyuga clan culture that Neji wears, like a badge of honor, and takes great pride in.

Neji is the biggest gentleman, you can ask for

Despite what some non-canon material showed, may it be played for laughs, or just to "slander" Neji's character, whatever, even with the Byakugan granting Neji X-ray vision, being able to look, even through a person's clothing, he never, and I mean, NEVER, uses it to spy on the girls, or look at their underwear. ...Except, maybe for Tenten, but that is to assume that, they are already working towards a relationship, and deep down, she wants him to look, but other than that: Nope. Neji is NOT a Peeping Tom. He is one of the few mature guys in the Konoha 12 group, who always remains respectful of a woman's boundaries. If anything, that title belongs more to Hinata. Because, y'know, she wants get in on some of dat... Fox tail. Know what I'm sayin'? Always beware of the shy ones, they are the most dirty-minded, life itself taught us all that lesson.

Neji is one hell of a bro, too

Not only is he popular with the girls, just for how mature and classy he remains with them, Hinata included, but when it comes to the guys, he is not making them an exception, he is always ready to help out, wherever he could. Even helping the other male comrades, if there is a more complicated problem to deal with, where his opinion is valued by a big margin. I guess you can attribute that line of thinking to how all these years, spending time with Lee and Guy, may have influenced his overall mindset on how to interact with people. Sure, he is stoic, silent and keeping to himself, but when he sees and smells bullshit, he will always be the first one to call it out, without exception, not caring about the feelings of those, who are out-of-the-loop, or the consequences, beyond his control. If Shippuden was actually, you know, GOOD and consistent with the characters, I seriously doubt that Neji would just stand there, and watch Sasuke's character get publically slandered by both the elders, the wannabe-journalists, and the Kage, ESPECIALLY the Raikage, who had the biggest grudge to bear, since Sasuke attacked Killer Bee (even though, that was a clone). But again, if Kishi had cared enough, Neji would have unapologetically sided with Sasuke, all the way through, since he is one of the few, who can truly sympathize with him, outside of Team 7. Not helped at all, by how the Lightning village had once tried to kidnap his cousin, when she was still a child. He wouldn't just stand around and stay silent, because these asswipes were pulling the same tactic that they once pulled on his family. Looking for an easy scapegoat, because it's convenient. He just wouldn't let it happen. He just wouldn't, he is one of the few shinobi, who has actual integrity and moral consistency.

Neji shares the same hair- & skincare products as his cousin

Again, referring back to him caring about his outer image, and how he presents itself, he will always be kindly asking Hinata, if he could rent her hair conditioner, because that long, immaculate mane of his won't be staying FABULOUS by itself. And not just that, I just remember reading one headcanon somewhere else, that he and Hinata keep trading their bodily care products between one another. Neji using Hinata's hair conditioner (I mean, her hair during the Blank Period, I lowkey want to bury my face in that), and Hinata using Neji's facial skincare mask, and you know what? I will stick to that. It just sounds so in-character for them. Dem Hyuga genetics, always looking photogenic without trying "too hard", or, so they say. No, darling! Fabulousness doesn't EVER come for free, damn it! But that also means, Neji is taking huge pride in maintaining that royal mane of his, if you cut it, ruin it in any way, or rip a strand out by force, he will curse you, all the way to your grave. It's just ridiculous, but then again, who doesn't have weird quirks and things one can take pride in, that makes them stand out?

Neji's love language is combing his women's hair

(Artist source)

Once the missions are over, or he is taking a break, and Tenten or Hinata happen to be in his team, or they just hang out in private, Hanabi included, Neji's way of showing how much he loves them all, is by volunteering to comb their long hair. Tenten, Hanabi and Hinata are the only ones to enjoy this privilege of having Neji being their "hairdresser", if you will. And every time he finishes, the girls always return the gesture, combing his long hair in return, too. It's a very one-of-a-kind action, that he purely reserves for those women, who mean the world to him. And yes, that includes Himawari (Screw you, Kishi, killing off Neji was a horrible idea, and no amount of rewrites will ever repair the damage you have done to your own story with the amount of retcons you pulled out of your ass, and what you did to Neji's character, especially post-mortem, so just for how disrespectful his entire death scenario was handled, just out of principle, I will just pretend, it never happened, it's only fair), and if she were alive, maybe even Kushina. He is not serving the Main Branch, he is serving his family, and them alone.

Neji is more of a stay-at-home parent, than Tenten or Hinata

(Artist source)

If there is anything I have truly grown to despise about Boruto, is that, every woman in the OG cast was reduced to JUST the role of a housewife, and barely anything beyond that, especially Hinata. No excuses, this is something, NO ONE, with an ounce of integrity, should have ANY tolerance for. The reason why this is so irritating to begin with, is because, Kishi is not exactly known for having favorable opinions on female characters, right off the bat, so stuff like this, is just annoying and on-the-nose. Not to mention, offensive, too. So, no, let us just get petty, and turn this entire concept on its head. Sasuke, Shikamaru and Neji are the stay-at-home-husbands, who mostly do the housework, while their wives are the core breadwinners. Nuff' said. Because these three, have worked and suffered the hardest (amongst others) in their entire lives, they deserve to just have some peace and quiet at home, keeping their children from making the same mistakes as them. And from Tenten's POV, Neji always felt more like a stand-in housewife, while she is travelling the country to present her inventions to all kinds of science fairs, and selling weapons like a real queen, with toys being the back-up plan. And Neji supports her in that endeavor, all the way through, while he stays at home, and sometimes works as a part-time sensei at the Hyuga clan.

Neji bears the Tiger Fist, while Hinata bears the Lion Fist

(Image source)

Side Branch members are represented, both in their souls and fighting style, by the tiger, while the Main Branch members are represented by the lions. Just a little fun visual on the side. And the Tiger Fist is more about proactive aggression, rather than a defensive, and slower battle plan, like what the Lion Fist has. Not to mention, it glows green, not blue.

Neji loves weapons and cool-looking toys like Tenten

That one is just for the soul. Neji is fully supportive of Tenten's dream of perfecting the arts of weapon-crafting, wanting to see how far her creativity and inventive spirit takes her, and doing anything he can to help. And like everything, the way to a man's heart, is either, through cool-looking weapons, or toys, that are just the coolest thing ever (transformative action figures, interactive toys, where you can press buttons to see something happen, that just tickles Neji's and Tenten's brain), just from design alone. And their kids will be having a lifetime supply of toys to play with.

And this is it. Just felt like doing this, because I felt like it. Because I can. All this for the Neji fandom, and a certain friend of mine, who knows, this was long overdue. And if I managed to make your day, thank you, you're not welcome. I did this for me, not for you...

...Wink.

@nejihyugamyreligion 😉

Anyways, smell ya later!

PEACE.

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serpentine-illusion · 6 months ago

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🔊Yapping about my Cirrus/Copia/Aether delusions and y’all are forced to listen 🔊 [ part 1 ]

At some point i promised thoughts and delusions about whatever I am on atm so here it is. I am so deep in the trenches about this ship, this is like a general train of thought ive had for them and their dynamic, how things worked out, what is going on all that. This is up until Copia becomes Papa, I will make a second post with the rest :)

[Some things in here are definitely not at all supported by the lore, this is mostly me being delusional and straight up making shit up and playing with my barbie dolls so 🙌🏻]’

Also!!! If you are looking for like fluff, healthy headcanons about fictional relationships, this might not be the post for you! They are quite toxic and I think exploring toxic people and toxic relationships is very interesting, so just keep that in mind :)

-Cirrus imprints on him as soon as he summons her, idk why, she just does

-she is totally infatuated with, they are glued together most of the time and she takes a lot of tasks and responsibilities off his shoulders. She worships that man physically and spiritually bro

-they do start out as just friends, they have a lot in common and spend A LOT of time together. They have similar personalities, in group settings they seem more reserved and quiet but when they are amongst themselves they usually get loud and passionate about whatever they are talking about

-Copia is sort of confused by ghoul dynamics and finds them hard to navigate/doesnt know how to properly insert himself into the group/what boundaries he should be aware of etc, while cirrus is nervous about overstepping and scaring him off

-they sort of naturally just…develop into something more. They spend more time together, they have really intimate conversations and share a lot with each other, touches linger longer, physical boundaries are non existent.

-theres no official start to them ‘dating’, their bond is just extremely strong and it develops into that direction and they dont really hesitate when it comes to going further

-ghoul dynamics are sort of poly by default. The ghouls all mingle with each other, some have stronger bonds ( cirrus and cumulus are very very close, later her and aether as well)

-BUT cirrus is very territorial. She is very protective and can get very condescending when it comes to her bond with copia. she gets jealous easily when he spends time with the other ghouls.

-cirrus is still actively involved with the other ghouls, it comes natural, but she gets very bothered when anyone but her is close to copia

-the other ghouls are….irritated with this for sure

-Cirrus is sort of stuck in the middle. She feels like she has little to no control over her jealousy when it comes to copia, but on the other hand she feels very self conscious about how the other ghouls perceive her in that context.

-Copia is super aware that she is totally codependent. He can tell its having an impact on her dynamic with the other ghouls and he knows its a bad look on himself to have a ghoul tend to all of his needs 24/7. But he doesn’t do anything about it because he enjoys being the center of attention.

-Cirrus is assigned other tasks with a handful of other ghouls when the Rat MV incident occurs ( I talked about this on my copia reference sheet).

-the only ghouls shooting the MV with copia are dewdrop, mountain and swiss (idc if this isnt accurate my house my rules) and cirrus has a normal reaction and doesnt overreact at all ( she completely crashes out. )

-Copia is send to the infirmary for treatment and cirrus is not allowed to see him ( higher clergy administration generally doesnt care about ghouls beyond their use and purpose. Cirrus doesnt work in the infirmary, so she has no business being there. Copia is not Papa at this point, so he does not really have a say in the matter either. )

-The only way Cirrus can get an update on Copias condition is through Aether ( Aether works in the hospital wing because he has very strong quintessence magic and is overall responsible and reliable )

-Aether and Cirrus have been close before, but they grow super close here

-they genuinely really like each other, they are similar in character, they have the same humor and they enjoy the same things

-Aether loves Cirrus, he thinks shes pretty (🥴🥴😳😳) and responsible. He admires how strong minded and passionate she is. He can also see that Cirrus bottles up a lot, she takes up a lot of responsibilities and doesn’t share when something is too much for her. Because she seems like a reliable person, the other ghouls rarely ask how shes actually doing.

-Aether comforts her a lot and they spend a lot of time together

-when Copia gets out, Cirrus is devastated by his injury. He uses crutches and is in a lot of pain and she totally blames herself for not being there when it happened and for not taking care of him right after the accident.

-Cirrus totally takes over, she makes sure Copia doesnt have to lift a finger, shes mad with worry and shes scared hes gonna break if she doesnt do literally everything for him

-Copia thinks its endearing, but at the same time he is frustrated. He definitely gets a little stir crazy and irritated that she doesnt allow him to do his usual work.

-They definitely get into it a little bit, Copia is trying to make her understand that shes smothering him, hes not as fragile as she makes him feel

-Cirrus like, gets it and she feels bad but at the same time she totally feels like shes losing control and losing him when shes not up in his business 24/7

-Aether spends a lot of time with both of them, he does physical therapy with Copia, infuses his joints with quintessence and in general is there to help him get back on his feet

-Cirrus and Aeth have gotten super super close and Copia expresses he would be happy to welcome Aether into whatever they have

-Cirrus is like. Shes ok with it. She likes Aether so much and she knows realistically this is a great dynamic. They would work well as a trio. Copia gets along with both of them.

-BUT she is so so jealous already, shes fuming inside, her guts hurt thinking about sharing him but she still agrees because she wants Aether to be with the both of them. She is so torn between her rational love for Aether, and being completely devoted to Copia at the same time. It shouldnt be hard to let him in but she is just never able to find any balance.

-So they let Aether into their situationship and it works well. He balances out the dynamic Cirrus and Copia have. Aether is a little more casual than Cirrus for sure, he doesnt obsess as much.

-Cirrus has like. Rules. She has rules in place for boundaries and rules Aether has to respect in the relationship. They only apply to his dynamic with Copia though and Aether is obviously frustrated with her. Cirrus and Aether usually communicate well, they communicate like 2 sane adults, but when it comes to Copia, Cirrus needs to be in control, she needs to oversee everything and it drives Aether nuts.

-Copia does admit to Aether that those rules didnt exactly come from him, but he also never stops Cirrus from making them, because he likes being treated like her little trophy that she doesnt want to share and he also loves her too much to make her upset by denying her the control she needs

-its obviously very inconsiderate and makes Aether feel like hes third wheeling a little bit, but Aether is a people pleaser, he does what hes told to make the people around him happy, so he goes along with it.

-once copia recovers they sort of all go back to relative normalcy. He uses a cane permanently now, definitely lost some mobility and is forced to be way more sedentary.

-He really doesnt mind it. He has been under a lot of pressure from everyone, about everything. How much he works, how he looks, what he does and now everyone is finally giving him more grace.

-he tries to give himself more grace too, he tries to be nicer to himself, he's still pretty bothered about how much or little he works, what he accomplishes etc but he's less bothered by...like himself

-he's always worried and anxious but Aether and Cirrus make him feel good about the way he looks and thinks. He gains some weight and its healthy relationship and recovery weight.

-Cirrus is like, in pain with him, she knows its a change for him that is hard on him and she does everything she can to make him feel better and take care of him

-BUT (and she feels horrible about this) its easier to keep him close to her this way. He relies on her way more now and she enjoys it. And she knows she shouldnt.

-Her and Aether rarely get into fights. They both always tough it out when they have a problem and then find softness and comfort in each other again.

I think this is all for now, at some point I will make a part 2.

#the band ghost #ghost bc #cardinal copia #papa emeritus iv #cirrus ghoulette #aether ghoul #frater imperator #nameless ghouls #serpentine lore #thats what im tagging it #cicopia

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seventhseian · 7 months ago

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ex-boyfriend!satoru who was the sole reason why you ended in the first place. You knew that creating a bond with the boy backed by the heavens was beyond impossible, but you didn't expect it to end like this―not when you thought he's opened himself to someone like you. But it ends, still, and not only does it hurt―it also feels unfair.

Even when the pain burns through your chest, you accept it―you accept the ending of whatever shit that relationship was in the first place because only then does it dawn on you that ex-boyfriend!satoru was not the greatest partner at all.

(At least that's how you want to perceive it.)

Now, you could only replace the pain with anger in hopes that the hurt will succumb through the fire instead. But ex-boyfriend!satoru was too much of a bitch to give your relationship a proper burial.

: got hurt >< come asap pleek

So instead of resting in peace, you're forced to live through it.

: you have your infinity, gojo.

: i turned it off by accident whoopsies!

: nd like im pretty sure this wound is deadly so come here asap :3c

What a bitch he is, but you kinda needed to be civil and save him so maybe the 'moving on phase' can wait.

#jjk #jjk x reader #jjk gojo #gojo #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #jujutsu gojo #ex #satoru gojo x reader #jjk satoru #jujutsu satoru #satoru #satoru made his point abt breaking up w u but likeeee

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yingdu-lover · 7 months ago

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Vortex We Took Every Breath to Follow : Shiguang and Their Companionship Through Life and Beyond

Hi, *awkward giggling*

First, a few words from me :

Even though I love engaging in fandom spaces and enjoy ship fanarts, fanfictions etc, till today my heart truly belongs to a very few ships. Shiguang is one of them. As long as one is not blinded by homophobic delusions, I enjoy discussing any kind of interpretation of my OTPs, be it 'Platonic', just friends™, romantic or whatever. But I have a fixed category (which very ironically is not quite fixed if you read the whole discussion) that fulfills my idea of true love.

for me, Love is a dialogic discourse with your existential other.

The terms I used are very loaded terms; 'dialogue' and 'other' come from the Bakhtinian philosophy of ethics, 'discourse' is a Foucauldian term and existentialism has a long postmodern and post-structuralist philosophical tradition. The reason I LOVE Link Click is because of their postmodern lens and the narratives of the characters, not only the protagonists fundamentally question what is the real purpose of life? Why do human bondings matter? The answers reside in the simplest vignette of everyday life. Grief, trauma, hope, memory, reconciliation, remembrance, love, family - these are the central themes of Link Click. Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi's separate existence and their interpersonal dialogue thematically and structurally complements the main ethos of Link Click.

When asked about the nature of Shiguang relationship Director Li Haoling answered : 是生死之交咯! (Shì shēngsǐ zhī jiāo gē! - It's a life and death relationship!)

source :

Fate, mortality, death, remembrance are the building blocks of their relationship as we perceive it.

Now let me talk about something. When I first watched Link Click on September 17th, 2024, the first Intertexual connection I drew was with another text called Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett. Funnily enough, early in this year I wrote a crossover Hamlet adaptation (and won the second prize in a competition hehe) interweaving a few elements from Godot. Time loop, fragmentation of time and space, panopticon with no exit - all these elements featured in that. I recommend Waiting for Godot to you all, you'll understand why it resonates so much with Link Click.

Now,

Lu Guang is a person who is shown to be a character who has some mysterious powers to manipulate time and space. Even from the very beginning, he has this dominant (and sometimes seemingly monologic that feels problematic to new viewers) voice with which he guides Cheng Xiaoshi through the dives. He is apparently headstrong and has acquired all kinds of praises ™ like hypocrite, selfish (lol) and what not. Again quoting Li Haoling "Lu Guang is a complex and delicate character." But after the release of 'The Eye' and 'The Lull', I think we are pretty sure that Lu Guang has been trapped in a rewind, like a Sisyphus figure. A friend of mine told me the other day, "Superficially, Lu Guang is presented as an archetypal strategist, the one who guides, the one who keeps things in control, but in reality, he has no agency whatsoever." Lu Guang lacks the fundamental agency in life (we all do but we have to accept it one day or other) and that mortifying realisation comes to him with the death of Cheng Xiaoshi. What is unacceptable to him is the most obvious outcome of a mortal life : death. Lu Guang's tragic flaw stems from this unacceptability of Cheng Xiaoshi's death and him attempting to manipulate time, very Sisyphus of him. Till now, we are yet to see Lu Guang's character traits without any reference to Cheng Xiaoshi but this does not reduce his character depth. His denial is actually very delicious ( I almost wrote a paper on this, taking the popular sci-fi trope of time travel as an allegorical and symbolic means of resistance and subversion but anyway, it's not relevant here)

Lu Guang's character makes me fall in love with the song Flash by Gorilla Attack. It is from Lu Guang's character, no one can convince me otherwise.

Just a loop A bored 'n loop Should I do this now 'til the end? Into the story As just an extra You are the reason I live But you don't remember me? Oh, can I be with you?

And

The only thing that I got, just like a little lamp I gotta go in one-way smoke Resist the lifeless scenario Become the person The person I wished for that day The room like a coffin, too bright A groove that I lost faraway Blanket, I need a blanket Not a synthetic one Notice the regret engraved so hard

And the line that keeps coming back as a haunting refrain :

Flash me, flash me Gotta get the power to rewrite I just wanna deny, I just wanna rewrite, yeah

Every time I listen to this song, these lines send a chill down my spine. But Lu Guang's obsession with 'rewrite' echoes with what my professor said to be Hamlet's constant meta-theatrical discomfort with the script, role, play he has been provided with. He does not comply with the playwright's words. Apart from time and death, I think Lu Guang's most wretched enemy is Li Haoling himself. That's why he constantly wants to 'rewrite', but all he has got till now is 'rewind'. Now whether his 'urge to rewrite' will turn into a successful 'write back' is the central play of the plot we are looking up to. What is my personal opinion on the ending?

The ending which is so dryly plausible in our real world is Lu Guang accepting his defeat and carries within him the remembrance of Cheng Xiaoshi.

But my question is, my brother in Buddhism Li Haoling, why the fuck would I watch your Link Click to know that death is the node that can't be changed? Is it not the given fact? It's a cultural text, however modern or postmodern a text might be, it ultimately uses the plot to defamiliarise and convey well known concepts and emotions with a critical engagement. A plot is just a vehicle, a crucial one, to help us have a greater and more nuanced vision of life. Due to non-linear narrative and active subversion of chronotope, complex plot will have plot twists and cliffhangers BUT it still has to perform a crucial, non negotiable role - the arc. If the beginning point and the ending point have the same temperaments, what kind of significance will it even achieve?

If Lu Guang can't write back at the end of Link Click, the structure of the plot will be like this :

1. Exposition, rising action : Cheng Xiaoshi died at the very beginning, Lu Guang is fucked.

2. Climactic stage : shit and shit and complex quantum physics, hallelujah hot villains, 'I am a great writer I can kill any character TeeeHeeeeHeeee', backstories, parallel narratives, foil characters have no relevance and rendered completely meaningless,

3. Falling action and resolution : Cheng Xiaoshi is still dead to the very ending, Lu Guang is still fucked.

No catharsis, not a milimeter of displacement from the beginning point.

What is the fucking point?! From the perspective of a writer and a critical reader, I can say it will be a sheer waste of money, time and potential. I would rather watch... whatever.

The friend I mentioned before told me, " You know why Emma or Chen Bin die? They had to die. Emma had a loving family, she got the job she wanted, she had her hardships but she didn't begin with tragedy. And when tragedy came, she was so not ready to negotiate the problem and considered self-annihilation as her first choice. She actively erased the possibility of dialogue with herself. If Emma were an orphan, struggling with unemployment and other hardships from the very beginning, I don't think Emma would die that easily. Emma was denied the conflict of life which very ironically tests human agency itself."

And for Chen Bin...during my first watch, the moment I saw him my instincts told me he was going to die. He had a loving wife, a daughter, he loved her, she accepted the proposal and they married soon. Conflict where? To bring his story to a full circle, he had to die.

I can say every parallel story in Link Click can be judged from this lens. People who had a point of conflict (the noodle lesbians, the couple who lost their child, Xu Shanshan, that old man) engaged in dialogue with themselves, others and social forces ultimately got a happy ending. Even in the earthquake episode, it's a story of reconciliation with the past, the man got his mother's photos and it's plausible and satisfying (and bittersweet resolution). He got his (absent) father back.

Another thing, we as a fandom have a collective amnesia about....*drumrolls* Cheng Xiaoshi's character! Congratulations! The man, the freaking protagonist just dies at the beginning, accepts his death, and remains dead. Doomed yaoi allegations are just nonsense. Link Click is doomed if Shiguang doesn't get a happy ending. Link Click is NOT a dramatic monologue told from Lu Guang's perspective, engaging with his perpetual trance of melancholy and him holding onto Cheng Xiaoshi's memento mori.

If Lu Guang is attempting to write back to Li Haoling and the doomed yaoi allegations, Cheng is attempting to write back to Lu Guang himself, not in confirming his own death, but saving Lu Guang from the loop of eternity and by being together. Cheng Xiaoshi is always seen to be guided by Lu Guang, he has to witness repercussions of his actions. Even with all this knowledge I will say, Cheng Xiaoshi has way more agency than Lu Guang has. During my first watch, I could feel Lu Guang has this barrier of guilt and unsettled emotions wrapped around him which denies Cheng Xiaoshi access into the deepest core of his subjectivity. Even though he achingly wishes to be together with Cheng Xiaoshi, the burden of his past actions and PTSD holds him back from being together with him, as if his existence is antithetical to Cheng Xiaoshi's existence. Cheng Xiaoshi is that glitch in the matrix that messes up Lu Guang's plans of withdrawing himself from Cheng Xiaoshi. Cheng Xiaoshi should not listen to everything Lu Guang orders. In season 1, he mostly conforms to Lu Guang's ideals, but in season 2, when Lu Guang was hospitalised, Cheng Xiaoshi became more active and you could tell a layer of barrier melted away. He was less of a stone statue, showed more emotions (the S2ep1 lmao when he said "would you prefer if I die?" abhimaan we call it), then the unique high five that feels like Lu Guang accepting Cheng Xiaoshi's proposal or something :

(LMAO ignore my comments, but what I said is true)

My point is, Cheng Xiaoshi is Lu Guang's existential other and vice versa. They cannot live without each other. They cannot exist without each other. If one dies, the other will die and I want them living happily ever after in heaven. Cause 'Break' clearly depicts them as soulmates. I personally take Break as the ultimate canonical ending

Do you see? each of them has one wing missing, meaning that it's their cumulative effort that will make them fly successfully. FYI, there is another Haoling directed, Haoliners Animation League animated canonical queer donghua called 'Beryl and Sapphire'. A separate episode, episode 13 just explores this 'one wing soulmate trope'.

Now take them as friends, platonic friends with no erotic feelings, pure familial feelings or whatever, they are like Yin and Yang, like Shiv and Shakti, and Yin changes to Yang and Yang changes to Yin actively as they interact. You will have a hard time pointing out who is who. I have watched TGCF and Beryl and Sapphire and a tiny bit of Spiritpact - all three directed by Li Haoling and I am well aware of his narrative strategy to represent soulmates and Link Click seems to be the one of the greatest (and my favourite) product of that genius mind.

I began with team Lu Guang cause he is a scorpio, I understand him, his birthday almost coincides with mine, we share some identical issues. But the fandom's often yeeting Cheng Xiaoshi out of the narrative phenomenon brought back my due attention to him. Is Cheng Xiaoshi so willing to be doomed? Does he not yearn to be with Lu Guang? Let me whisper to your ear...he yearns for him too.

so he

does understand that the person who dies...dies, death affects them the least who dies, it's the people, the family and loved ones who actually suffer. This man will leave his Lu Guang on his own volition? eh.

Also I wanna talk about Link Click's strategy of deliberate misdirection. The first and second seasons are so deliberately crafted (manipulation of narrative you can say) to actively erase Lu Guang's subjectivity and nuance. We are just denied access his perspective. He is mysterious but not that aligns itself with a viewer's emotions. In fact, during my recent re-watch, I felt "wtf Lu Guang, why are you interacting with Cheng Xiaoshi like a straight dudebro?" He is a menace, the kind I usually don't like. But there also seemed to be a critical undercurrent which I couldn't really grasp, but it was surely there. It was adding up to my increasing discomfort and made me question - "was it just my wishful projection? they do not share that bond at all." I was so pissed at that thought that I almost decided I am not gonna abandon Link Click. BUT BRO, BRO

'The Eye' and 'Lull' just blew my mind. I was not that affected by Cheng Xiaoshi's corpse advertisement agenda (that corpse is drawing people's attention who is suddenly aware of Yingdu release, great tactic, Haoling) what pleasantly brought me out of despair is Lu Guang's love for Cheng Xiaoshi was acknowledged in these songs. You will read between the lines on your own in season 1 and season 2 if you have that critical method to engage with a cultural text, but the silencing narrative was also very prominent. I very much felt that the Shiguang story is actually the central action, and not the creative sci-fi archtexual exercise of genres, which again, is just the vehicle. But The Eye and Lull focus upon them, them and them. Their emotions are acknowledged, they are no longer behind the veils of symbolism, parallel narratives, intense defamiliarisation; their emotional dialogue now not only demands a voice of their own but also has the potential to reclaim the central part of the stage as they struggle and negotiate power and agency. And I am here for it.

@guangshi-091305 I present to you my rubbish.

#meta #tumblr meta #link click #shiguang daili ren #shiguang #lu guang #cheng xiaoshi #donghua #时光代理人 #guangshi #queer

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 3 months ago

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im aromantic, and im in a queerromantic relationship with my girlfriend. it is functionally a romantic relationship, there is nothing that makes not a romantic relationship beyond my own personal discomfort with the term. its just a relationship, queerromantic on a technicality

but im aromantic. ive never experienced any sort of attraction. im not even sure if id label this romantic attraction, but its something very very very close to it. shes my world, i want to marry her and live with her and love her forever. she made me realise im not asexual (graysexual lesbian now!). im fine with our relationship being perceived as romantic, shes my partner, my lover, my significant other, were dating

except were not. and i feel so blinding bad for being that little bit uncomfortable with 'romantic'. and shes so nice, she doesnt even care about it, our relationship is just what it is, and labels are for my sake, mostly. she just wants me to feel comfortable, i know. and, shes my girlfriend. my girlfriend.

i post about her a lot. i cannot shut the fuck up about her, i mention her as often as i can because i just constantly think about her, i am, in all meanings of the word, incredibly lovesick. stupidly in love. but im aromantic. i post and talk a lot about being aromantic, its such a core part of my identity, ive helped irl friends discover their aromanticity. its the only flag ive up on my wall, ive a cardigan in aromantic colours, it was the only pride pin on my bag for a while

so i just... feel bad. because im aromantic. im aromantic. this relationship has not changed that. but ive gone from constantly talking about being aro and not understanding romance and always being annoyed by it and by people who are in love because i didnt understand how anyone could ever be like that. and im still aromantic, and i still stand by that romance should NOT be everywhere, but... i understand the people constantly talking about their significant others now, because im one of those people now. and it feels like a betrayal of myself. im someone who the past version of myself would find annoying beyond comprehension

it feels like im betraying the aromantic community and my aromantic identity, because im an aromantic person who found love that is functionally romantic. how can i talk about being aro when my every other post is about my lovely amazing girlfriend? how can i wear the aro flag if im in a relationship? how can i reblog posts about the aromantic experience when im just... not perceived like that anymore?

i feel like a traitor. im so sorry.

-⭐anon

You're not a traitor, I promise, Anon. Be careful with labels that you're not letting them box you in. Aromantic doesn't mean you're not allowed to have a partner or care about them a lot, in whatever way you do care them. And whatever your current relationship or your current feelings, none of that takes away from your aromantic experiences and feelings.

One of the big reasons why the label aro exists at all is because alloromantic society boxes us in, and tells us we have to experience things related to relationships, romance, etc. in a certain way and do them in a certain way. By doing things your way, using your labels, such as aromantic and queerromantic, and allowing yourself to feel a connection to the aro community are all ways of breaking out of that box and letting you do things your way and experience things in a way that's right for you.

Remember that aromanticity isn't a rejection of having partners, it isn't a rejection of love, some aros even experience romance in some circumstances or in their own way which may not be exactly how it is for alloromantics, but still valid (not to say whether this is the case for you or not, only you can decide if your current feelings are actually romantic or not, but instead to say that you're still good either way). Instead aromanticity is a way that you can take ownership of these things and make your own decisions whether these things are right for you or not, whether you want to participate in them or not, how you want to participate in them, etc. So long as you are doing things in a way that works for you, and you are being true to yourself and what you personally want, you're not betraying the aro community.

Remember too Anon, that there are so many ways to be aro. And your way is valid and it matters too.

I'm sorry you've been feeling so stressed about this, but I hope this helps, or at least gives you another perspective to consider.

All the best, Anon, and take care!

#⭐anon

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dreamwritersworld · 1 year ago

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His daughter! (Sully family x Reader) Part 4!

reminder to PLEASE give feedback either in the comments or inbox :) ALSO you should really read my rant at the end of the story after the “!🎀!” It gives more details to the story that you may not have noticed :)

The pair continued their relationship as though nothing was said to Y/n about it. As a matter of fact Y/n wanted to put all the words her dad said in the back of her mind but she knew she’d have to tell Ao’nung…she just didn’t know how or who to ask for advice. That’s when Ronal came in.

Y/n walked into the Maui extremely nervous, she had been coming in weekly to learn more about their culture and healing methods from Ronal. However this time was different, Y/n couldn’t hold in the secret anymore. She felt sick to her stomach about it and it only wrecked her even more when Ronal kept bringing their relationship up…

“So..How are you and Ao’nung? Getting along quite well I see!”

“Yes! We have been..”

Y/n smiled slightly which immediately set off a ringer in Ronal’s mind. The smile that Ronal grew to know so well felt tired and fake. You can only assume it was a Mother’s instinct because Ronal could feel the stress and worry radiate off of the young child’s body, she knew something was wrong. In the beginning of Y/n’s arrival Ronal must admit she didn’t like the idea of the relationship but Y/n was quite easy to love. In many ways Ronal felt protective over Y/n and Lo’ak the longer they had stayed over or showed their love for her kids..she found it beautiful. So Ronal felt comfortable to simply ask whatever question she pleased…

“Something’s wrong. I can feel your stress, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing just..just tired.”

“mmh if I knew better I’d think you’re lying.”

Y/n didn’t know how to respond she stayed quiet and Ronal let her eat her guilt up. Ronal knew that if she let the silence remain eventually Y/n will confide with her.

“…I am.”

“What is it Y/n?”

“I must admit I have fallen to love your son beyond measure..but I’m so frustrated.”

“Oh I have known about that for the longest, but frustrated? Why?”

“Please keep this between us..but my father refutes the idea of us even being together. We got into an argument. We always do except this time he requested me to stop seeing him outside of our usual practices. I couldn’t handle it so I fought back, I fought back for at least some control, some aspect of my life.”

Ronal stood in silence as the girl struggled to push back through her cracked voice and heavy heart. It was easy to see that Y/n quite literally had it all without having anything to call hers. For the first time Ronal’s speculation had been confirmed, Y/n truly was trapped in a bubble of her fathers consciousness. To say that Ronal was upset was an understatement, she was infuriated. How could Jake not like her child? How could he ask- no demand Y/n to stop speaking to him? He should be grateful for all they’ve done for him, for them. regardless, Ronal knew not to think of it that way. Because at the end of the day her children found love that they so desperately deserved.

“I am sorry Y/n..I understand I won’t make a change to your heavy heart but I ask you to please not run away from something you deserve.”

“…of course not. I could never.”

“good.”

That’s how the conversation ended, they continued to practice and learn but the both of them had uneven tension in their hearts..once it ended Y/n quickly said her goodbyes and ran over to meet Ao’nung once again.

There the couple laid in a hidden cave they considered their own. Holding each others hand, touching and loving each other, secure in the knowledge that they would never let go. All Ao’nung could think about when he looked at Y/n and the way she perceived life and took all the beauty of it to channel through herself, was the way he loved her. He loved how silly she was, how contagious her laugh was, her love for the environment and Eywas creations. Nothing made him more shy than seeing her rush to do chores with her hair pinned up as she cleaned, in a complete rush to see him. He can’t even forget how much of a daredevil she could be, always willing to challenge him to try something new. He loved her dearly..

It was up until the moment he arrived home and overheard a conversation between his mother and father that for the first time he got mad at Y/n..

“Can you believe it? We give him and his family a home and he still decides to keep his daughter on a chain? He can’t even give us the decency of respect to allow his daughter to see my son!”

“Ronal please..we will figure this out soon but this should not worry you. Y/n is practically a women, she will do as she pleases-“

“Except she’s not! Not in their eyes, she’s not a grown woman yet. That means that Jake will continue to do whatever he pleases to keep himself content-“

“Just because he requested no relationship with Ao’nung doesn’t mean she’ll listen. They’re just kids. That Jake doesn’t understand that regardless of what he says Y/n no longer bothers to care!”

“You should’ve heard her Tonowari…she was so distraught. It sounded like her heart was being torn in two. I don’t know what she’ll do..but she hasn’t told Ao’nung. She seemed like she refused to tell him, to scared to hurt him-“

“Yes but that’s her decision. She will do as she pleases. I understand that’s her father and yes he is wrong but if she does listen to him, so be it. Ao’nung will get over it, he always does.”

“No Tonowari this is different. I can feel it. I just can’t allow her to drop him because of what he father demands.”

“Well we need to drop it. She’ll figure it out and soon enough we’ll know on their own accord. We should head to bed my love.”

That night Ao’nung went to bed extremely frustrated at Y/n for never confiding in him about the situation. It felt as though she was simply playing with his heart and testing to see how far she was able to go before she could break things off. So the next morning he didn’t even go looking for her instead waiting for her to come to him…

Ao’nung had been working on the shore with a couple of his friends not even rushing to get his chores done so he could see Y/n. That was until a familiar sweet voice came looking for him..

“Ao’nung! You’re not done? How come they gave you more to do than usual?”

“I don’t know we’ll talk later.”

Normally Y/n wouldn’t think about it much but the way Aonung’s tone was and the way he dismissed her did not sit well with Y/n.

“..ok.? Come meet me when your done then.”

“Yea sure whatever.”

Y/n looked at him with hurt and frustration in her eyes, she felt as though he didn’t care to speak with her or acknowledge her so she walked about without saying a thing. She felt embarrassed and ashamed to had even gone looking for him..as she walked away she heard even more issues to worry about

“Woah! Trouble in paradise?”

“Shut up! She’ll hear you-“

“Just saying! I mean you always rush out of here-“

“Just shut up I don’t want to hear it!”

Had Ao’nung found out what was discussed between her and his mother yesterday? Was he unforgiving to her now that he knows? Y/n didn’t find out the issue and instead had to go searching for him again. Yes, despite her pridefulness she wouldn’t ever dear to fall asleep mad at him.

“Ao’nung!”

There he was, walking home across the sandy beach without a care in the world or at least that’s what Y/n thought. He had stopped for a moment and that’s all Y/n needed for her to catch up to him and pull him to the side.

“Whats wrong?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

“Ao’nung please stop it, I know something’s wrong. I just wish you would talk or open up to me a little more. You were off this entire day, you never go without speaking to me.”

“How about you Y/n?! You never even thought to tell me about your father!”

Y/n’s eyes widened in surprise at his raised voice but with complete understanding of why. However this wasn’t the way to go about it..at least not for her.

“I did want to tell you! I was going to tell you, I just didn’t know how.”

“Yea and you told my mother?!”

“Because she asked me! I couldn’t lie!”

“Well I wish you had!”

“I didn’t mean to-“

“But you did! You did Y/n! And you didn’t even care to tell me later on either!”

“Ao’nung im Sorry! Yes it bothered me but it doesn’t change anything!”

“What do you mean? Your father hates me-“

“He doesn’t-“

“But he does. He doesn’t want me to ever be with you so much that you argued over me.”

“We always argue-“

“That doesn’t change anything Y/n. He told you not to see me more than friends anymore and you allowed this to continue knowing I love you.”

They stared at each other in silence both with tears. Ao’nung was so upset that he couldn’t even bare to acknowledge what he had just confessed and Y/n was too bottled up in her own head about the situation at hand.

“Well that’s because I love you too! So what if he doesn’t want me to be with you? I don’t care! Ok? I don’t and if you don’t want to fight for that fine.”

“Fine.”

Ao’nung couldn’t admit it but it wasn’t fine…but the moment he saw Y/n stand up to walk away he ran as though she was taking his heart with her.

Y/n ran off to the deck calling for an ilu to take her completely out of sight and far away from Ao’nung. When it had just arrived Ao’nung caught her.

“Get off the ilu.”

“No.”

“Get off the ilu.”

“No. And I don’t appreciate being ordered.”

“Get off the ilu Y/n.”

“Why so you can argue with me?”

“Get off the damn ilu Y/n!”

“No, I am leaving. You can talk to me when you are calm but Ao’nung let this be said, you will not disrespect or raise your voice at me.”

“Y/n I have every right-“

“No! You said you were fine with us not speaking anymore so be it! I’m fine with it too!”

Ao’nung absolutely can see straight through the emotional white lie because Y/n voice had cracked and her eyes had watered once again.

“Y/n please. Stop.”

“No! I’m upset! I’m upset at you for not understanding! I didn’t try to lie or hold a secret in! I was going to tell you I just didn’t know how. It didn’t even matter-“

“Stop. It did matter because it made you upset.”

“Well then I’ll deal with it on my own-“

“No Y/n. That’s for us to fix, not for you to decide on your own.”

“Ao’nung please. My father would never allow me to be with you, not yet. Can we just agree to be a secret for a little bit longer please. You are all I have, you are all I get to enjoy to myself.”

“Y/n you should understand you are asking a lot.”

“I know but please. I just want this part of my life for myself..”

“Forever-“

“No! I want to be able to show you off proudly but not right now please. My father wouldn’t allow it. He just needs to see you more ok? In a better light.”

“Better light? Y/n please.”

“Im serious. If he got to see you more from my point of view he’d be fine, just promise not to get into any trouble with the boys and we should be ok.”

“Im am future leader of the clan Y/n I think im ok.”

“I know but we were once future leaders too so that role doesn’t hold much to him anymore. please Ao’nung don’t be upset and be patient with me.”

“Ok..I will be.”

“…promise?”

“promise.”

“ok! Now stop being so grumpy!”

That’s when Ao’nung was yanked into the ocean and the two shared a kiss once more eager to stay out a little bit longer before they went home…

For awhile Jake hadn’t said anything and everyone went by as normal that week except one night Y/n decided to pass on hanging out with Ao’nung declaring that she had felt too ill to go out and insisted he went out to have fun without her while she slept. So Ao’nung had took that chance.

As teens normally would however, Ao’nung had slipped his hands onto a fruit that navi adults would use to get a little tipsy..or fully drunk. In Ao’nungs case he got drunk, and he allowed his thoughts to cloud him as he sat with his friends.

*Ao’nung’s thoughts*

..he doesn’t think im good enough for her and she doesn’t either..how could I ever be a good leader when they doubt me..?..

Whatever he was thinking got him pulled out of it, he had trashed a Maui with his friends, knocked out and was found by Tonowari. Yes, they were teenagers and considered older but under Tonowari’s authority this behavior wasn’t allowed so he scolded him. In. Front. Of. Everyone….including Jake.

Jake had overheard it and rolled his eyes at the foolishness, how could his daughter be with someone just as childish as her. Y/n watched the disappointment in his face as he listened and he gave her a know it all face in return, practically telling her “I told you so”. y/n couldn’t stand it, she asked Ao’nung for one thing. All she asked was for him not to get into any trouble and to be patient but he couldn’t keep his promise..it had been hours till Y/n would be approached by Ao’nung..

To say she was upset was an understatement. She was beyond frustrated with him.

“Y/n cmon let’s go out.”

He had tugged on her arm in an effort to pull her his way but she didn’t budge.

“No. What do you want?”

Ao’nung absolutely didn’t like that response as a matter a fact he didn’t even like the tone or attitude in her voice.

“Ok..we’re not doing this. Sit down.”

“No im working on something for your mother. Leave me alone.”

“Sit down Y/n.”

“Sitting down is not happening! So what do you want?”

“You.”

“Goodbye future ‘Olo’eyktan’. Leave.”

Y/n knew this would push his buttons, but she wanted it to. It should’ve bothered him that he was supposed to have his act together by now and that it’s ok for him to get drunk but not act like a fool! He was the future leader after all, that’s all they’ve ever trained him for and he still can’t show up for himself.

“Oh come on!”

“You do not summon me!”

“You do not get to push me out!”

“I am done. Ao’nung your father threatened you this morning! I heard it! Everyone heard it! Including my father.”

“Y/n it means nothing-“

“Nothing? You call him threatening to take your leadership nothing? Ao’nung I understand it may have seemed harmless in the moment but that is not how you act as future leader.”

“Oh so now you’re trying to control me?”

“Control? Of course not. I’m trying to help you and hold you accountable just as you would to me-“

“Well I wouldn’t! I wouldn’t if I knew it bothered you and you had enough on your plate.”

“Ao’nung please, you and I both know you would push for me to do better. And That’s all I’m doing for you.”

The couples hushed whispers got slightly louder as the conversation continued..

“Well that’s not what it feels like Y/n.”

“Ao’nung, im asking you to get better for yourself-“

“Is it that or is it the fact that you want your father to love me dearly the way you want him to, NEED him to-“

“Shh no-“

“Don’t shush me-“

“I can and I will. You’re being mean, stop it.”

Ao’nung sighed and reached out to hold onto Y/n’s waist in front of him,understanding that she still wasnt at her highest level of frustration with him.

“Ao’nung understand when I say I need you to do what you need to do to be good, to be great, to love what you do. I want that for you. You do what you need to do so I can do what I need to do.”

“You don’t think that this isn’t harder on me than it is you? You don’t think that I don’t want to dedicate myself to being the future leader? You don’t think that I want to be honorable enough to be the man that is going to be controlling this clan that might I add WILL protect you? I love you. I’m in love with you.”

Y/n fought every being in her body to give into Ao’nung right then and there instead she simply held the hand he laid on her waist and acknowledged his feelings with a small..

“..i love you too. I know that you’re trying but what you did today was not ok.”

“I understand and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that your dad had to see it.”

“My dad is not the issue-“

“Y/n, I know he was part of it. I know he probably gave you a look that got you so upset because he told you so.”

“…”

“Exactly.”

“Fine, I was slightly frustrated at that-“

“Told you so!”

“Ao’nunggggg stop it!”

The two laughed at the moment and stood in silence as Y/n continued to do the work she was instructed to do..everything was peaceful..

!🎀!

hey guyssss I really wanted to emphasize on drama and emotion this chapter . Reminder that these are two teens who are trying to navigate how to even go about being together because there are so many issues in the way with Ao’nung training, Y/n adapting and their parents.

I wanted to add in more arguments to make it slightly more realistic THEY ARE YOUNG TEENS ALMOSTTT YOUNG ADULTS so they obviously can’t be perfect 🙏 btw do you guys notice how much Ao’nung knows Y/n! He knew that she wasn’t only upset about him getting in trouble but more so upset that Jake had to see. He understood her different levels of frustration and he touched her knowing that she’d still melt to it because she wasn’t totally upset at him just disappointed. He also isn’t one to turn away from confrontation, he does well at communication with Y/n and he knows exactly how to get her to come to him and open up! 💕

Tag list: @ruyaas-world @neteyamyanw3

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@venomsvl @ratchetprime211 @mushy-mushroom04

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#SoundCloud #angst #jake sully x reader #neteyam x reader #neteyam sully #avatar loak #spotify #avater the way of water #avatar the way of water #sully family x daughter reader #loak x reader

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